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scuttle-buttle · 3 years

Text

Chapter 19 - Epilogue

WC: 1941

Rated: E

Chapter Tags: fluff, dialogue heavy, age difference, established relationship

A/N: took fucking long enough lol. But hey I did it and that's what matters. Also - somehow I made both Laszlo fics exactly 19 chapters by coincidence. That being said, I am potentially doing a one shot series for our doctor duo here. I have 1 already written, and I'm not quite ready to give up our dear doctor kreizler yet, but one shots will be less pressure for me given my work life. Anyways, thank you all for reading and sticking with me on this journey. I couldn't have done it without yall.

🧠

You could feel the sweat dripping down the back of your neck as you sat in the sweltering August sun. The speaker at the podium droned on. You didn't listen to a thing she was saying. After two years of the fast-paced PhD program kicking your ass you were finally at the finish line, only moments away from receiving your doctorate.

Neither of you heard a peep from Dr. Stratton after that day in his office. You had assumed that once the spring semester finished and she gathered her research she headed back to wherever she came from, never to bother either of you again. No inquiry came either. If people knew about your relationship they said nothing to you. Laszlo caught a whiff of a rumor concerning the two of you once between some girls gossiping in one of his lectures, but again, nothing developed further so you both elected to ignore it. The semester and summer months came and went without further trouble.

Laszlo had been there supporting you through finishing and defending your dissertation. He even booked a private room for you and all your collective friends to celebrate at Delmonico’s afterwards; champagne and hors d’oeuvres being passed around for hours. Later that night your alcohol-infused giggles and lust-filled moans as he made love to you were punctuated by him telling you how much he loved you and just how proud he was of your accomplishments and hard work.

So now here you sit, sweating under your thick doctoral regalia, waiting for your name to be called and diploma to be conferred. Looking up you catch Laszlo's eye. He sits with the other professors to the side of the stage. You grin and feel heat fill your cheeks because you know he's been watching you this whole time; the speaker droning still.

You don't dare pull out your phone and text your doctor. Even as your thumb runs along the smooth device in your pocket, you know he won't be able to check. And at any rate, your fellow graduates would probably jump at the chance to peek at your messages to give them anything more entertaining than this damned speech. Patience has become quite the skill for you.

Finally, you stand as the Dean begins to call out the names of the graduating class. In a line you shuffle up to the stage to shake hands with members of the university and program. As your name is called you distantly hear the shouts of your family and friends sitting in the crowd. You can't help but laugh at their obnoxiousness . Shaking multiple hands and posing for the standard photograph, you begin to make your way down the stage, diploma in hand.

You look over and catch the eye of John and Sara sitting towards the side; he tosses a wink and she offers a bright smile in congratulations. Eyes darting to the front you meet those of your love, your dearest doctor Kreizler. He's not the most overly emotive person with some things, especially when they don't involve a scowl, but currently he sports a proud grin as he nods once at you. The smile you boast is so wide it nearly hurts your cheeks.

The ceremony ends soon after. Clusters of graduates and their families litter the grounds and bottles of champagne are popped with glee. You make your way over to your family near the back.

“Oh my baby! I’m so proud of you!” your mother cries as she pulls you into her arms and holds you in a death-like grip.

“Mom…” you chuckle as you wipe smears of mascara from her cheeks. You make eye contact with your dad over her shoulder. He stands tall with his hands in his pockets, a smug grin on his face.

“Don’t you ‘mom’ me - I’m allowed to cry when you graduate college, okay?”

“This is the third time, I hardly think you need to keep doing it.” You remove your cap and your mother takes that and your diploma to hold for you.

She wiggles her finger at you in false annoyance. “Let me have my moment!”

Your father walks the few feet to stand next to you, giving you a firm clasp to your shoulder. “Nice work kid.” He was a man of few words, but you knew he was proud of you regardless.

Laszlo, John, and Sara made their way from their seats towards the edge of the crowd. The ceremony was no different than any other commencement that Laszlo had attended per say, with the single exception that for once he deeply cared about one of the graduates. He felt so overwhelmed with pride at your success in earning your doctorate that for a moment he felt the sting of unshed tears as he watched you cross the stage.

As he stood talking with John and Sara he could see you off with your parents in the near distance. They knew that you were in a committed relationship and all; they knew that Laszlo was older and was a doctor of sorts. You had been quite open with it. But you never told them that it was a professor and your boss that you had been seeing for nearly a year now. Laszlo hoped now that you had graduated and were no longer his TA, you could be more honest with them - and in turn with everyone. There was no reason to hide your relationship.

“What’s on your mind, Laszlo?” Sara cuts through his thoughts.

Laszlo turned back to face his friends. He raised a brow in question.

“You’ve got this far-off look in your eyes.”

“Perhaps he’s thinking of a certain graduate,” John smirks, turning to look over at where you stand.

“You would be correct, John. It seems you’re not as clueless when it comes to matters of the mind.” John rolls his eyes at the jest. “I believe I will ask that she introduce me to her parents while they are in town. I feel it is about time I speak with them about certain things.” Laszlo adjusts his own regalia to sit more comfortably on his neck.

“Are you going to ask her father for permission to marry her? That seems a bit old fashioned, even for you.”

Laszlo’s head shoots up at Sara first, then over to John. Brow furrowed, he accuses “you told Sara?”

John’s hands pop up in defense; “only that you were planning to propose at some point.”

The good doctor harrumphs in annoyance. He had told John in confidence a few weeks prior that he was in the process of having a ring designed and made with the intent to propose. “I have no intention of asking her parents permission. She is her own person. I would however like to make my intentions known to them, and hope that I receive their blessing regardless.”

“Are you going to ask her while they are in town? Or have you thought about it?”

“My thoughts are to wait until this January or so. I would like to give her time to settle into her new job so as to not overwhelm her. There is no rush,” Laszlo explains.

"You're going to wait until winter? Why not ask now?"

"I've waited 42 years of my life for her, John. What is another six months?"

Sara gives a gentle cough, signalling the men to notice your approach. Both Sara and John give you hugs when you finally reach the group, each offering their sincerest congratulations. The four of you chat for a few minutes about the ceremony and your new job at one of the local museums. All the while you notice Laszlo has been relatively quiet - something unusual for him.

The others must sense something as well, because Sara suddenly cuts in with “well, John and I have some other graduates we must congratulate.” She wraps her arm around John’s and begins to pull away from you.

“We're still on for Friday, right?” you call after them.

“Of course!” And with that they leave you alone with your doctor.

You chew your lip as you turn back to face him, already watching you. There is a nervous beat between you. “Doctor.”

The corner of his lip twitches. “Doctor,” he tosses the title back.

You hold out your hand towards him to shake. His head tilts, giving away his confused amusement, as he carefully slots his right hand into yours. With a delicate shake you tell him “it’s been a pleasure working with you Doctor, I hope our paths cross again soon.” Neither of you last more than a few seconds before you are both chuckling at your joke.

“So what now?”

“Anything you would like. The world is your oyster, or so you Americans like to say.”

“You know, I never cared much for them. They’re gross and I just about gag every time you eat them,” you tack on the latter half softer so that others don’t overhear.

“They are not to everyone’s preference. The ancients believed them to be one of the many foods that were aphro-”

“-Aphrodisiacs, a food that can psychologically influence the body to become aroused. A fact you constantly remind me of.” His mouth closes into a tight line as he fights to hold back further laughter.

“I suppose by now you should know everything then.”

“I had a damn good teacher.”

Laszlo licks his lips. “There is one thing you should know.”

“Oh?”

His eyes break from yours for a second, plastering themselves to his shoes briefly. They scan the people nearby out of habit before they dart back to meet yours again. Eventually he finishes his survey of the crowd and schools his desires into a look of confidence. “I was thinking that perhaps it is time that I meet your family.” he phrases it almost like a question.

“Meet my family,” you mimic.

“Yes. It has been several months, and given the circumstances have changed and become less… hostile… I feel it is within the proper progression of the relationship to become acquainted with each other’s families. Now, I have none, and you already know John and Sara, so in truth it is quite one-side. Nevertheless it would be logical to do so given they are in town for graduation and I wish to make my intentions known so-”

You cut off his rambling. “Laszlo.” He waits for you to continue, but says nothing. You know that when he’s got his mind made up he can be stubborn as a bull, and you know that what you have is serious. But introducing him to your parents is still a huge step for either of you. And then of course the little detail about just who your boyfriend actually is. Taking a small step closer you ask “you want to discuss your intentions with my parents?"

"Yes."

You study his face. "Are you sure you’re ready for that?”

He smiles. “With you I am sure of everything, Bärchen.”

You don’t hesitate when you pull his cap off and tug him down by his robes for a passionate kiss. Equally so, his fingers waste no time in finding their place cupped along your jaw. A few hoots and hollers can be heard around you, and even a distant “I knew it!” being shouted. In the back of your mind you think that you should probably not be doing this in front of hundreds of people, including the various administrators and board members of the university, if anything for decency’s sake.

But at this point neither you nor Laszlo could care less.

Tag list

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babyjamiebarnes · 3 years

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Build-A-Bear

Part One

Featuring: Bucky x Stark!reader, dad!Tony, Peter Parker (platonic), background MCU characters

Warnings: [chapter] language; [series] language, smut, violence

Summary: The only people who knew she was actually a Stark were her dad, her step-mom Pepper, and her “uncles” Happy and Rhodey. A promotion within Stark Industries takes her from an already-sought after position in the Weapons Anaylsis Unit straight to the Avengers as a Weapons Enhancement Specialist... which means her dad is her new boss. There’s only one rule at work: no fraternizing with coworkers. There’s one more rule at home: no dating any Avengers. So what is she supposed to do when a grumpy super soldier becomes not-so-grumpy around her? At 25, do her dad’s rules still apply? Or is her entire livelihood at risk?

Author’s Note: I’ve written a decent portion of this but know I won’t keep writing it or post it unless I hold myself accountable and get it out there in the first place 🙈 I haven’t written much for Marvel yet but I’ve read plenty and have written for other fandoms in the past (not to mention the writing degree on my wall lol). I’ll try to post every 2-3 days to keep this moving! And if you like it and want to, buy me a coffee!

No one knew Tony Stark had a daughter. No one but Tony Stark and his daughter. Well, and her step-mom Pepper. And her godfather Rhodey. And her uncle-not-uncle Happy. But no one in their everyday lives knew. She was given her mother’s maiden name and kept a secret, even when she turned 17 and moved to a small apartment near NYU’s campus (with Happy stationed right next door, of course) to start life as a truly normal adult, or as close to normal as an undercover Stark could be. When she graduated with her PhDs in robotics and electrical engineering at 25 — proving brains really do run in the family — she moved into her own apartment in Manhattan, funded by her father under the pseudonym “Michael Myers.” Subtlety was never his strong suit.

Fortunately for you, growing up without the Stark name let you live a relatively normal life. It also allowed you to apply for a position within Stark Industries without being ushered past any red tape because of who your father is. Outside of the financial advantage you had, you worked for your spot in a STEM career. You suffered through every man in your field belittling your work despite knowing less than you. You dealt with the constant interruptions and “well, actually” because of your gender. You powered through late nights and early mornings when your mind was flowing too smoothly to quit.

The last thing you wanted to do was have all that work disregarded because you shared a name with genius billionaire playboy philanthropist Tony Stark. So you filled out the application, sent in your resume and cover letter, and attached three letters of recommendation from your professors. You went through hours of interviews, background checks (conveniently redacting your father’s name), and polygraph tests until that offer letter showed up in your email. You even had to sign the Non-Disclosure Agreements that would bar you from discussing *anything* work-related with anyone outside of your department.

You spent your first year in the weapons analysis department, evaluating alien weaponry and determining how it worked and how to disable it. You had your fair share of mishaps, of course. Holes blasted into walls, fried robot dummies, even burnt animal carcasses. By the end of your first year, your supervisor sent a commendation and proposal for you for an undisclosed promotion. After Pepper Potts “thoroughly examined your resume, cover letter, and accomplishments during your tenure with Stark Industries,” as the letter read, you were awarded a position working on the Avengers’ weapons as a Weapons Enhancement Specialist. You’d never see a fight in-person, but you were assigned to work on advancements and post-battle repairs for everyone, from the Winter Soldier’s arm to the Falcon’s wings to Vision’s... everything. The only heroes you wouldn’t work on were Iron Man and War Machine (those were your dad’s territory) and Spider-Man.

On your first day in your new position, the one and only Pepper Potts showed you to your new lab on the 47th floor. It took all your willpower to look your step-mother in the eye and say, “Wow, Miss Potts. This is amazing. It’s such an honor to meet you,” with a straight face to convince any passerby that you had no outside affiliation with her. Even if her eyes stayed steady on you, you could see her mentally rolling them.

Once you were alone behind the doors of the elevator, conversation changed course.

“You’re going to be sharing a lab with someone else,” Pepper said.

“Sweet. As long as they’re competent, that’s fine by me,” you shrugged. Part of earning your degrees was learning to share a workspace with others, even those who bumbled and fumbled with no idea what they were doing. You’d had more hair singed by nearby explosions than you’d like to admit.

“He’s still in college so he’s not here as often as the others. Most of his work will be on Spider-Man’s gadgets and suit, but you can use him for any help you need.”

Walking past the familiar faces of Dr. Banner and Dr. Cho in their respective labs, Pepper ushered you into your lab, where you were met by your father and put on the same excited facade you did with Pepper.

“Oh my god, you’re Tony Stark! This is incredible! It’s such an honor to meet you, sir!”

He shook his head at you and reluctantly accepted your outstretched hand. Oh, the jokes you’d be making at family dinners.

“Yeah, anyway, this is your new lab, Miss [Y/L/N]. Make yourself at home. This lab rat over here is mister Parker. If you have any questions, he can at least bullshit an answer for you.”

The young man on the other side of the lab perked up at the sound of his name. He tugged the goggles off his face and set down his soldering rod to rush over to you.

“Hi. Hi, I’m Peter,” he said, reaching his hand out to you.

“I’m [Y/N]. It’s nice to meet you, lab partner.”

He looked to be a bit younger than you and at least relatively smart, if the MIT sweatshirt peeking out from under his lab coat said anything. If your dad gave him an internship like this, you knew you shouldn’t question it. He had to be a genius.

The kid just smiled at you, continuing to shake your hand past what most would deem socially acceptable.

“Okay, enough of that,” Tony said, pushing on your joined hands to separate you two. “Mister Parker might be in and out of the lab from time to time. He joins the Avengers on the occasional recon mission for immediate repairs but since he’s on break from classes, you’ll see him more often than not. Play nice.”

When he noticed you surreptitiously looking Peter up and down, he added, “Remember, no fraternizing with coworkers.” He pointed a finger directly at you before he spun and pointed to your fellow lab mate, realizing he should warn Peter too to save face.

“All the blueprints you need for the Tin Man’s arm are in the system. We’ll have you start on that and see what you can do about minimizing the sound that thing makes. Any other questions, give Pep a call.”

“Thank you, mister Stark. I really do appreciate everything,” you said genuinely.

“Yeah, well… don’t let me down,” he replied, patting you on the shoulder on his way out. Pepper followed close behind, leaving you alone with Peter Parker.

“So Peter,” you started, sliding onto the lab chair next to where he remained standing, “tell me about yourself.”

“Uh… what do you want to know?” he asked as he shoved his hands into his coat pockets.

“How old are you?” you asked immediately.

“I’m 21.”

Only four years younger than you. So you’d probably get along just fine.

“I assume you’re at MIT?” He nodded. “What are you studying?”

“Biomolecular and mechanical engineering.” He said it so casually, you’d think he was talking about the last song he heard on the radio.

“Damn,” you responded, eyes wide. “I thought robotics and electrical engineering was wild but fuck, that sounds like hell.”

He laughed and nodded, letting a bit of the tension in his shoulders fall. “Yeah, it’s not easy. But it’s worth it.”

He shot you a small smile before gesturing back at his project. “I should probably get back to work and let you get started.”

For the rest of the day, you familiarized yourself with the Winter Soldier’s arm to figure out how to… turn the volume down? You assumed it was the gears inside causing the noise, but part of you wanted to outfit an audio jack and speaker just to fuck with your dad.

You and Peter worked in relative silence, aside from the playlist he had quietly playing through the lab sound system. When lunch rolled around, however, you finally spoke up.

“Hey Peter,” you called, his eyes flicking from the chemical beakers in front of him up to you. “First of all, what are you doing?”

“Um, it’s Spider-Man’s web fluid. Just trying to find more durable combinations.”

“Interesting.” As much as you wanted to touch the stringy substance, you knew better than to fiddle with someone else’s lab work. “Okay so second thing, in my last position, I’d just order food and have it brought to my floor but now that I’m on an exclusive floor, what do you do for lunch?”

“Oh, there are a couple security guys who have clearance to come into this floor. They just can’t get into any rooms so you’d have to meet them at the elevator. But I usually find something in the kitchen down the hall.”

“Oh, sweet. Thanks!” you said as you made your way out the door. Before you could fully exit, you turned back to see if Peter wanted you to grab anything. Once he promised he’d take his own break ‘once I get this one thing figured out,’ you continued to make your way to the kitchen.

As you drew closer to the doorway, you could hear three voices speaking over each other. They didn’t sound angry, but they were definitely arguing. You opened the door anyway and almost immediately froze in your tracks. The Falcon stood with one hand on his own head and one on the Winter Soldier’s head while Captain America rolled his eyes before those same eyes landed on you, along with the rest of the room.

“Perfect,” Sam started. “Hey new girl, between the three of us,” he said, pointing to himself, the Soldier, and the Captain, “who has the best hair?”

“First of all, my name is [Y/N]. Second,” you continued, making your way past them to the fridge you hoped your dad kept stocked with goodies, “that’s an unfair question.”

You grabbed a soda and popped it open before turning back to the three men. “Your hair suits each of you. Cap wouldn’t look good with Winter Soldier hair and Falcon wouldn’t look good with Cap’s hair.” You took a few steps closer, leaning against the island counter between you and eyeing each of them. Your eyes settled on the Winter Soldier, unashamedly flitting across his face and admiring the sharpness of his features. “You,” pointing at him, “could probably pull off either of their looks, though.”

Bucky smirked at you, but his rosy cheeks gave away a hint of embarrassment at your compliment. Steve and Sam, on the other hand, weren’t taking it quite as gracefully.

“What?!” Sam shouted. “Okay, now I know you’re lying. I could pull off Cap’s hair for sure.”

“You know, I think shaggy hair would really suit me,” Cap said, only half sarcastically.

You giggled to yourself as the three of them started talking over each other again, all dead set on their own hair being the best of them and positive they could pull off the others’ looks. While they bickered, you searched the pantry until you found a snack to at least get you through the remainder of the day.

“Alright boys, it’s been fun but I have work to do,” you said as you walked past them again. “Actually, wait. Bucky — can I call you Bucky?” He nodded even though you continued anyway. “If you could stop by lab six today, I’d love to check out your arm in person. The digital renderings aren’t quite the same.”

“Uh, okay. Sure. I’ll find you,” he said quietly.

“Sweet, thanks!” And with that, you skedaddled back to your lab.

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x Stark!reader #Stark!reader #bucky x reader #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes series #bucky x Stark!reader

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chemicallady · 3 years

Text

Daddy is home

Greg Sanders x Reader

A/N: Thank you everyone for reading this. If you want some fluff with just a little sadness, you're in the right place.

Couple: Greg Sanders/Female!Reader

Category: Mostly fluff with a little piece of angst. Family slice of life for Greggo.

Content Warning: none

Summary: Reader is use to feel Greg absence.... but what about is own children? And Greg? What's more important? His job or his family?

*****

You are use to feel Greg absence, almost every night and, sometimes, even for days. It wasn't a big deal when you two started to see each other. You were a grad student, looking for a PhD out of town - searching for a new experience- and he was a lab tech at the crime lab in Vegas. Your relationship had worked for 5 years while you were in Salt Lake City, even if you constantly missed him so much and viceversa. He spent a lot of utahns weekends at your apartment and you came back in Nevada for every break.

After your PhD graduation you came back to Vegas and he proposed to you. It was an hard time, Warrick was dead, he had printed is first book on Vegas history and you just settled down at UNLV. You had lived togheter two months and then he proposed. Of course you said yes and the two of you had a small cerimony at the Eclipse, Catherine's casinó. It was an intimate cerimony, with your friends and co workes and relatives from Norway and (your hometown/country.)

You had worked hard on your post doc as a teaching assistant and a researcher and he has continued his job as a csi. You have always prefered working at night the days you didnt have any class, in order to be awake when he came back home in the morning.

It worked since you discovered that you were pregnant. Both of you were so excited to become parents, it has always been something that you desire, having your own kids. Start a family.

After Bjorn birth, by the way, everything changed. You have started to work in the morning and sleeping at night in order to provide the best standard of living for your son. And, after two years and half, Jodie came to the world, complicating thing but coloring your life even more.

You constantly miss Greg, of course. You miss your youth with him, the mornings spent in making love with jazz music in the background before a lazy afternoons sleeping in his arms. The days he came to the University after job to pick you up.

But both of you love your family.

It's stil working.

Because you love him and Greg loves you more than anything.

More than that, he is born to be a dad. He was scared as hell, but he perfect fits that role.

Even more, he is methodical.

He is really good in keeping job separating from his personal life, even if his coworkers are his family. And yours as well.

☆

...But is hard for kids to understand why dad is never home. Especially for Bjorn, who is the eldest. He has started to notice this situation in the last weeks and you have been scared of this moment since you gave birth to him.

《 Why daddy can't come today?》

You look at your baby boy, feeling really sorry for the whole situation. It is his first baseball match with the pre school team as a player in the field from the first minute and it means a lot to him.

Bjorn's really smart for his age, he understand that his parents jobs are important because is a duty... But is natural that he feels so betrayed. He is still too young to even imagine how demanding is Greg's job.

《Because daddy has a case》, you try to explain with a soft voce, caressing his blonde hair with two fingers. He seems totaly like his father in this moment. 《He has to catch this big bad guy and-》

《Why uncle Nick is not catching him for daddy? Just for today! 》

《Because they work togheter, sweetheart... you know that. We already talk about daddy's job...》

Not in a specific way, of course. Greg is more like a super hero to Bjorn.... he is too innocent and young to know how cruel and horrible could be the world sometimes.

《It's not fair. He never came to see me play》

《That's not fair... you know that daddy is so sad for this... he ask me to shot everything so he can see it as long as he will be home!》

That doesn't help.

《And I'll be already in bed》 he snuffles, before running in his room, nearly cry.

You don't know how to manage this. Both of Greg and you are really indipendent.... that's why your wedding is so strong, because you don't need the other around one all the time.

But for Bjorn is different. He needs his daddy as he needs you. Most of that, he wants to make Greg proud of him, shows him how he has improved thanks also to their weekend practices on Sundays.

You are still thinking about a solution, but Jo start to cry from her playbox.

You have to speak with your husband and decide what tell to Bjorn, togheter.

He deserves a good explanation.

☆

It's late when Greg comes home.

He is surprised when he notice that the kitchen lights are still turned on. You are sitting at the table, looking at your laptop as you can't really see it.

《 y/n, baby?》, he calls you, waking you up from your thoughts. 《Are you ok? It's like 3 in the morning, sweetie.》

《Yeah, I was looking over some notes from next week semenary when I realised how late it was, I decided to wait for you to come back.》

《Thanks, after a couple of double shifts, I really need to speak with my wife》, he says with a smile, before kisses your lips and take a sits next to you. 《I've missed home in those last two days.》

《Have you slept a little?》, you ask worried. When a case is so demanding, the team works till they are exhausted. 《Did you have a propel meal?》

《...I ate two sandwiches Dr Robbins' wife made for us.》

《....there is some roast left. I'm gonna warm it for you and then I'll put you in the bed at least for nine hours, bright man》

He laughts a little. 《Yes ma'am.》

You stand up, caressing his hair, after place a kiss on his head. 《Tell me about the cause. Was that bad?》

《More like a nightmare....》

He starts talking about the brutal abductions he was working on those last days. In the meanwhile you are cooking for him. You open a good bottle of wine your father sent to you last week and prepare a couple of fine glasses. Is not a problem for you when Greg talks about his job. For some unknown reasons, it grows on you during the years togheter. You also have helped the team sometimes with you competences. It's quite normal for the two of you speaking about your day. It helps to split away the stress and find always your connection. And is always reliving for you see that even if the job is so demanding physically and emotionally, Greg can totaly handle it. Not only. He loves is job. Even in dark days like this one.

《Poor girls....》, is the only thing you can say, while you're watching your husband eat like he was starving. 《No one deserve this kind of fate...》

《Think at the parents 》, he observes, moving his elbows quickly. 《If someone would have done something like that on Jodie, I'd went mad.》

You stop thinking about the case immediately.

《Sorry for the unhappy connection.... but if you are not too tired, we need to speak about our boy.》

Greg looks at you surprised. 《What about him? Bad day?》

《Yes》, you answer, surprising him even more. Bjorn is really talented in sports, unlike his father. 《He played 10 minutes than he had an argument with the coach and spent the rest of the afternoon warming the bench.》

This is unusual. Bjorn is a good lad. Always smiley and obedient at preschool. Teachers love him because he is so good and he knows a lot about science and stuff even if he is four. Mom is an academic, a college professor and daddy is a scientist. How could be different? He is also responsible and he always take serious the baseball trainings. That's the first time he disobey this much.

《What happened y/n? Oh, no. Let me guess.》 You look him cover his own face with a hand. 《He is mad at me, isn't he?》

《Yep babe, he is really mad at you. And at me as well. By now, I think he is mad at the world because you didn't come today.... I explained him that's not your fault, but...》

Greg sighs 《But it is my fault. When he born I swore to God that I'd be a good father even if my job is.... the 70% of my life.》

《But you are》, you say with a stubborn tone in your voice. 《You are a good father. It was just and unfortunate Saturday. He have never missed a game before. You'd be there if it wasn't for the case. 》

《I know but he deserves more than all those 'if' statements. 》 You look at him, feeling the heaviness of this thoughts. 《I should stay in the lab.》 He finally says and you realise a long sigh. This is not going to be an happy conversation, not with your regretting husband weak moment. 《The moment I met you, I knew you were the one. I wanted to start a family before changing job, work on field. It was a stupid decision. If I continued to work as DNA tech we would have more money and more time to spend all togheter.》

《.... I throught we were out with 'if' statements.》

《Y/n, honey-》

《Don't you dare 'honey' me, Greg Sanders.》 You stop him. You keep his hand in yours and smile. 《You are an amazing father. One day, when he will be older and wiser, he will understand. Now is easy to handle the situation. If you spend a day with him, he'll forget about it. Is just a kid, G.》

Greg seems not satisfied. He feels like an idiot, not thing about how mad is son would be noticed his absence. But he also trust your judgement. He always says that you are an amazing mom and even more, the best of wives.

So he smiles back.

《Maybe you are right.》

《Maybe?》, you ask with an ironical tone. He stand up and comes near to you. He offers his hand and you keep it, staning on your feet.

《Sorry Dr Sanders》, he replies, while you are wrapping your arm on his neck. 《You're completely right y/n. I'm already planning an afternoon, just for boys.》

《He'll love it》, you reassure him, before asking for another kiss, with more passion. You both find a good arrangement so you can clean the kitchen and try to sleep at least three hours.

.....or maybe do something more interesting with you husband, who seems to have plans, looking the way he is lifting the t-shirt of your pijama....

You are use to feel Greg absence, that's true.

But when he comes back, well.... that's the moment you realise how much you actually have missed him. And how much you love him and be loved in return.

○Fin○

#greg sanders #greg sanders x reader #greg sanders fanfiction #greg sanders imagine #csi fan #csi fanfiction #csi x reader #csi #csi crime scene investigation #csi fic

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nekoannie-chan · 3 years

Text

Life update

TW: DEPRESSION, MENTION OF SURGERY, MENTION OF THINKING ABOUT SUICIDE, MENTION OF BEING CLOSE TO DIE

Well, I don’t know how to start to explain what happened, maybe you notice I’m not posting new fics as I used to do, some days I disappeared, the lack of interaction, here’s a kind of explanation (that none asked and you don’t have to read because is too long), which honestly was too difficult for me wrote it without crying.

I think everything started on my birthday week, dad got a stomach infection, but he was very sick, also I had a math final exam, horrible, I didn’t sleep in 3 days the deadline was on my birthday, but also dad got a stomach infection. Mom was helping me with the exam because was too difficult and probably wouldn’t finish it in 3 days (you know, 12 exercises, 5 pages per exercise), anyway I got a good score. The deadline was on my birthday.

The day after the exam, right after I got my score, mom went to her second covid shot, but dad is diabetic and has high blood pressure, his glucose was 32... that means was too low even for a healthy person, I gave him food, sweets, trying to increase the glucose because dad didn’t want to go to the hospital, probably he thought I will freak out or something, so I have to wait until mom arrived and finally, we took him to hospital, he stayed in that night and next day he had his treatment in the home.

Then in July, I got my first covid shot, at the begging only my arm was in pain, at 8 pm I feel lots of heat but I didn’t have a fever, until 11 pm, fever and goosebumps started, I took paracetamol and went to sleep…but then I had fever during 3 days that included hallucinations (mom sometimes laughed with non-sense I told), and the other side effects I had them during a week.

On summer holidays I realized something about my PhD program (close friends know about this) and I started to be depressed, I’m still depressed, anyway I will get my degree in 3 years hopefully, but I know things, and yeah, maybe I can’t do or solve something, I’m just waiting.

Also, I was plagiarized on Wattpad, someone translate to Portuguese at least one of my fics, I asked for support from my Wattpad followers, I didn’t have support there, in fact, some people unfollowed me, the book and account are down. Maybe my fics aren’t the best, maybe I’m not popular, but I work very hard on every fic, maybe I didn’t tell it, but really affected me, my depression got worse, and for a moment I thought would be the best take all the pills I had in front of me, I was tired (I’m too tired), I didn’t do it, instead, I cried during 3 days.

In September, after I finished my class, dad got very sick again, he didn’t want to doctor again until 4 pm, doctors suspect was the gallbladder, but blood test and the other tests showed was something different, they did more tests, the whole week they did different tests, at the end was the gallbladder.

Dad had surgery, but he was nearly to die, the gallbladder was in pretty bad conditions, doctors took it off in parts because it broke every time, they tried to take it off, dad’s heart stopped twice during the surgery, I was very close to losing my dad. I’m dad’s princess, we are a little family, we are always together, the 3 of us (well, 4 if you count my Ryo)…

Now dad is okay, the post-surgery was okay, no infection, mom and I took care of him, the doctor said he is okay, at the end of December he has another appointment, probably next week he will have new tests, is just to check everything is okay.

Then some things with my assessors aren’t good, I can’t focus, thinking is difficult, I told them about the situation but… I’m trying my best, just sometimes doing things is hard when you’re depressed.

Ryo, my dog, he is 16, is like my baby, grandma gifted him to me when he was 3 months old, because of his age, now he is losing his sight, but he still wants to play like he was a puppy, so, one day he was near the stairs, I called him, but instead, he walked to the stairs and fell, I tried to get him, but he woke up and tried to run, and fell again, I was yelling like crazy, honestly for a moment I thought the worse, my parents were in the first floor when they heard me, they thought was me who fell, dad took Ryo carefully, we checked him, apparently he was okay, he walked normal, didn’t complain, we took him to vet, and confirmed us that Ryo was okay, no damage.

I know some people have blocked me, I don’t know the reasons, but I’m too tired, they can do whatever they want, I just trying to make it every day.

My apologies for all the challenges I signed in and don’t post my entry yet, I’m working on them.

So, about the requests, please be patient, I know I said will be ready in December, I apologize, but after all the above, I don’t think would be possible, I’m trying to hurry but still, I have some fics unfinished, I promise in the first trimester of 2022 will be published.

And if you want, I read your fics, TAG ME IN, despite I have the notifications on, Dumblr doesn’t notify me when someone posts a fic, I can’t check blog per blog, so tag me, maybe I won’t read it immediately, I will try at the following day or during the week. You can check what I read here.

#do not reblog #tw depression #tw surgery #tw suicide thinking #tw thoughts about suicide #life update

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saqrqa3d · 3 years

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Raising Muslim Children in Non-Muslim Lands

Muslim parents, be vigilant about childrearing, especially if you find yourself raising children in the non-Muslim west.

Do not allow that non-Muslim mainstream culture to raise your children for you. Do not look away from your children, or let your gaze drift to other tasks like your job, your master's or PhD program, your social life, your house work, your friend circle, your community work, or whatever other distraction. Those other tasks are not bad in and of themselves-- but they are not as important as your real job: raising your Muslim children.

As a parent, your number-one priority is to provide Islamic tarbiya to your children. The results are outside your control ultimately, but your responsibility is still to try.

I have relative who is a 21 years old young woman, and a situation from a couple days ago has got me thinking about this issue. Let's call her Marwa.

Marwa was born and raised in the US. Her parents are religious Arab Muslims from Egypt. They were well-meaning parents who generally understood that tarbiya is important and that this American non-Muslim culture is in direct opposition to Islamic values. But they did not appreciate the depth of the clash of mainstream American values and Islamic ones, and so they failed to protect their children from certain things they should have. They were too lenient and permissive.

Marwa and her siblings went to American public schools as the parents worked low-paying jobs and went to school to try to make ends meet. Marwa was introduced to swear words like the f-word and other vulgar language at a young age in elementary school, and later was introduced to anorexia and cutting (self-harm) in middle school. Then in high school, at the age of 14, she was introduced to drugs in the form of marijuana and cigarettes.

Her best friends were two non-Muslim American girls from her kindergarten class. They grew up together.

They did everything together, Marwa, a Muslim girl, and Melissa and Katy, two non-Muslim girls. They hung out at school, went to each other's houses after school, and sometimes had sleepovers. All three had boyfriends, even Marwa.

Marwa's parents had made the mistake of giving her a smartphone when she was far too young, sometime in middle school. She was maybe 11 or 12 when she got her first iPhone. It opened up a whole world hitherto inaccessible to the young girl. This is how she met her non-Muslim boyfriend: chatting with non-Muslim strangers online with the smartphone her parents gave her.

All three girls smoked weed in high school. Vaping (using a vape, or "a pen," is like smoking an e-cigarette) is trending right now at American high schools across the country. Marwa vaped too, despite the fact that it hurt her lungs.

When her mother found out she was vaping, Marwa said, "She can deal with it."

Marwa is now 21 and currently going to a school in a different state from the one her parents live in. Her two besties, Melissa and Katy, miss her since she's no longer living near them, and so the three girls planned an elaborate weekend trip together.

The trip itself is relatively tame, compared to what it could have been. The girls planned to go camping at a campsite in the woods, for three days and two nights, at a place about an hour away from her school. But the noteworthy thing here is that Marwa planned this whole affair without once consulting her parents or asking their permission.

A couple days ago, Marwa mentioned the trip to me casually, saying, "Hey, so my friends and I are gonna go camping next weekend."

I asked her about some of the details, and she replied with short answers. Then I asked her, "What do your parents think? Did they say yes?"

She shrugged. "I haven't told them. I'll let them know eventually."

I said jokingly, "If you were my daughter, I'd have said no. I don't think this is a good idea, honestly. Make sure you ask your parents and don't just assume they'll say yes."

The first conversation ended there. I felt distrubed and troubled. How can a young unmarried woman create plans for a whole weekend, pay money, book cabins, buy tickets, make solid and concrete travel plans all without asking her parents' permission?

Later that day, I called her parents (who trust me to keep an eye on her as she lives away from them). Neither of them had a clue about what their daughter was doing and when they found out, they were disappointed but unsurprised. "We wanted her to focus on studying," they said mildly. "She's going to fall behind in her classes by getting distracted with her friends for the weekend."

Later still that same day, Marwa and I talked again. She said she told her parents and they were fine with her going camping with her friends, because she'd sent them the website of the campsite and assured them that it was perfectly safe.

But the problem isn't about going camping itself, I explained to her. The problem is in her methodology. How can a young unmarried woman move around and do stuff without allowing parental input? You ask for permission first, THEN after the parents say yes, you tell your friends to buy their plane tickets and you book the cabin and reserve your spots.

Not the other way around.

And if your parents say no, it's a no. This is respect for parents. Your parents mean something.

Marwa had a history of employing this slick methodology with her hapless parents. She flew cross-country once to meet up with her boyfriend in this exact way, secretly making all the plans without asking her parents.

This is not a one-time thing. It's a mode of operation, standard procedure for this young woman for years now.

I said, "If your parents had said no, would you still have gone? Why would you pay actual money before asking them?"

She looked me straight in the eye and said, "Honestly, I wasn't asking them, I was telling them. I want to do what I want to do. I'm an adult. I'm not a child who needs anyone's permission. I can do things I want to do as long as I'm being safe. Plus I know haram and halal, and I'm not doing anything haram. Camping isn't haram! So why would they say no? I know they are worried about my safety, I've got their whole speech memorized in my head. But that's why I do my own thing and then just tell them afterward, or at the last second. I don't give them a chance to say no. If I give them an opportunity to say no, of course they will say no! They wouldn't let me do anything! So I just decide what I want to do, then make my plans without asking them, then I tell them later, 'Look, I'm doing X or Y.' That's it."

This is the American, liberal, westernized mentality. I am my own person with no one to answer to. Nobody controls me. I'm an adult. I have freedom and agency. I want to live my life.

Why should I ask anyone for permission for anything, even my own parents?

They don't control me, either.

When you grow up steeped up to your eyebrows in the American public school system, which strips parents of their rights, of their authority over their own children, of their relevance-- you see your parents as irrelevant.

When your best friends are non-Muslims without parental guidance, raised by single moms and never having met their dads, you subconsciously start adopting that irreverent attitude toward parents.

When you grow up watching American TV shows and movies where parents are regularly duped and trolled and outsmarted by kids, and when you have had a smartphone since childhood, these technologies get in the way of your relationship with your parents.

So of course, it's inevitable that the result is this. Seeing your parents as just people you tell things to after the fact, not people you ask for permission.

And the parents just need to "deal with it." Take it or leave it. The child sets the rules for the tone of the parent-child relationship.

The prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم foretold that as we near the end times, the mother will give birth to her mistress.

صدق رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم.

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blankdblank · 3 years

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Brother Dearest Pt 36

Breakfast, nice and simple with an anxious glance from Norma over you all at the table in her borrowed dress. Admittedly divorced a few months retired and now her nerves were all over her face to how the two women she had befriended would take to her spending the night with Victor who was doing all he could to calm her down. Though the nail in the coffin to her worries came in a casual mid slice of some pancakes, “I think we might need a spare comforter for the puppies if they’re to sleep with us again. Blanket hogs the both of them.” James smirked knowing you had more than enough blankets to have woken under and his glance to his glass granted him a side eye view of Norma looking between you eased that even with the impression of having simply shared a building you already were practically married.

That did it and her nerves dipped away relenting to a hopefully understood silent agreement not to share bedroom habits. While you were off to class Eddie was off to work and Dawn to head out with the Brocks to shop granting Victor and Norma some time alone. Eddie took the subway so Victor could take her back in style and to a parting kiss a plan to have dinner again soon before her trot through the doors of the hotel with dress and coat from the night before in a borrowed bag. Victor was floating on air when he got back to meet his brother at the house for a joint walk of the dogs.

Both sharing their thoughts on the young woman, while happy to have spent an evening with the elder brother was still frightened of losing another wife. Teddy had come out of nowhere and had bolstered his hope that a child could survive around the brothers so used to dwelling with their everlasting pain. Another child was well on its way soon with more to follow for Dawn to build the Squishy brood. Neither could wait to see how many children James and you could be blessed with while Victor didn’t dare to dream Norma might pick him to settle down with against movie stars she would encounter. After all she had shared blips prior to meeting you for the films ‘Scudda Hoo! Scudda Hay!’ And ‘Ladies of the Chorus’ to be released the next year had led to a script being sent her way for another role in the film ‘Love Happy’ to be filmed late the next year and released the next in ’49. She certainly had several chances to find someone more interesting than him.

“Miss Pear,” the voice of your Art History Professor came up on your right and you flashed her a quick grin lowering your camera from eyeing a possible target for one of your yearbook duty assigned targets in the building competition you were tasked to document alongside Portia on her first column on the paper.

“Hello Professor,” you said stepping out of the way of another young woman hurrying to fetch a tool from along the wall.

Inching closer she said, “I was wondering if you wouldn’t mind my talking to you about your paper, if now isn’t a good time-,”

“Now is good, anything to keep me from rushing to save that fire hazard. Didn’t even oil the joints.” You said lowly gesturing to a project that you approached taking a picture of the young woman who smiled noticing your approach.

“Well, I suppose I should offer my apologies, I wasn’t aware that you came from such-,” her voice wandered off for a socially acceptable term.

Turning around you gracefully crouched, carefully keeping your news together that nearly tapped the floor, to take a picture of another young woman catching her teetering sculpture she managed to save stirring up a wave of murmurs from the packed bleachers of friends, relatives and onlookers. “Humble beginnings is how the papers always put it,” in rising again she looked you over as you said, “Much easier to sell papers than saying I’m the child of Irish Immigrants who couldn’t afford to eat before the war, humble beginnings give a more picket fence image.”

Her gaze dropped to the floor as you took another picture from the side view of all the stands. In looking up again she said, “Normally the girls taken on here are, well,”

“Rich,” she nodded at your glance her way, “Didn’t hurt my dad was taking classes here before he died. Managed to scrape up some funds for my schooling and the government was all to happy to say they’d helped me into an Ivy League education after I was written off as Prisoner of War for so long.”

That had her eyes on her and she asked, “They what?”

You glanced at her again, “My Brother Eddie grabbed me and helped me into a uniform when the hospital got under fire. They wrote me off as Prisoner when they didn’t find my body with the other nurses. Over a year later I get shot in the shoulder and promoted to E4 Medic and the Canadian Army goes into full whirl in the press bragging on the first female Medic now that I wasn’t dead. Patch is a tolerable gift instead of a flag and a coffin for an orphan with no one to bury it.”

“You were shot?” She managed to whisper at the crack of her voice.

“Three times, why I got my promotions and medals. Though I can’t work out if it was the skirt or the fact I was fifteen when I was sent there by them that I got the Medal of Honor.”

“I’d think someone who had been shot would have more, scars.”

“Good genes, mom’s first husband was brutal and a drunk. Cleaned up just fine to catch my daddy’s heart.”

That had her lips part and while you moved to take another picture you noticed your Latin Professor who had been trying to creep closer to catching a fling with your Art History Professor with a smirk on his face catching her averting glance from him at his try to keep the game up in this event. “Miss Pear, you have peeked my curiosity I just have to know what you and the lovely Professor here are speaking about.”

“My military career.”

That had his brows arch up a moment and he wet his lips moving with you allowing you a better angle in his place. “While on that topic, I am curious. I traveled through Italy in the war and I was curious as to why your platoon took the Southern paths past Palermo when the Eastern ones would have cut the time in half.”

“There are more brothels to the South.” His eyes shifted to her and hers to him sharing a glance above your head in shock for the candid answer. “Have to protect your Medic. And when they found out I wasn’t his little brother the Captain decided to choose the path with less of a chance of my brother killing the other guys.”

“What was it like?” She asked softly, “The brothels.”

“Like a hotel in most cases, some were in barns or bars. Women were nice once they were paid and treated nicely. All usually more curious about me and the guy picked to watch me than anything else. Just women making a tough time work. Most of them were around my age or even younger depending on where we were.”

He asked, “And did the guys pick the girls your age?”

“When I hit 19 sometimes. They tried to keep over 18 and if the girls were all too young they just paid for back rubs or for them to just have some funds for food and let us crash inside a night. Plus it wasn’t a safety issue for me after they found out someone my size could stop tanks and take out planes in air. No risking my trust then from them.”

She said, “Well I hope to see what you do here until you set up at house when you are married.”

That had you smirk at her and say, “You’ll be stuck with me a while it seems. My fiancé and our family is determined to see me a Doctor or with a PhD.”

She looked you over and asked, “Has your fiancé taken you to the museum yet for your report.”

“We’re going with Portia tomorrow.”

He asked, “How did you latch on as friends so quickly? I am curious, she seemed to be slow to making friends.”

“Met her brother overseas. Plus us misfits have to stick together. She was the only one first day not to flinch to a face when I said we live in Brooklyn.” In looking up at him you circled a finger around your face, “That’s the one.” After taking the final picture you said, “I gotta change my film before they call the contest. Excuse me,”

When you left their sides he moved closer, “I didn’t make a face.”

“You kinda did,” she said.

“She’s from Brooklyn?”

To the bathroom you went and in a peek under the stall doors at the feet you saw you said, “Hey if you don’t mind I have to change my film, I gotta switch off the lights a couple minutes.”

While you settled your bag on the counter you heard a disheartened voice reply, “Fine by me, gonna be here a while.”

To that you glanced at the door after settling everything out in proper order then walked to lock the door and shut the lights off. Softly she gasped with heartbeat calming to the sound of your heels crossing the floor again back to the counter and each sound of the process completed with ease until you walked back saying, “Bright lights.” Switching the lights back on and unlocking the door. Back to the counter you went asking at the next deflating exhale from her, “Do you need anything? Like a pad? Or I have a spare blouse and a sewing kit if you’ve torn or spilled something on yours.”

“The pad would be nice, thanks.”

“Sure,” You said opening your bag to find the pad you carried with you in situations like this for ladies without your skills to just make a plug to lay you between bathroom trips. Right into the stall beside hers you went crouching again to pass the box under the stall divider she accepted from you and opened in your step to the sink to finish putting the used roll of film away you would develop later over your weekend and by the time you were done out she came sheepishly walking to the sink to wash her hands seeing who had helped her.

“Thank you,”

“Not a problem.”

“Didn’t expect you though. I thought you hated me.”

That had your head turning curiously to catch her eye, “Why would I hate you?”

“Well you never really talk to anyone. At least not about anything but school work.”

“I don’t hate anyone here at school.”

“We only ever really see you talking to that pink Portia.”

Smirking at her you said, “Any time anyone came to talk to me with a smile or being friendly in my old schools it was to put me in some scheme or to get something from me. I wasn’t popular and if you want to know why I’ve seemed to avoid certain people ask some of the girls who represented for the clubs in enrollment day that tried to refuse flyers to Portia. I know what it’s like to be the butt of the joke, she’s a sweet girl who happens to not be from here, didn’t deserve to be fodder for anyone’s pettiness. If you would like to be friends just be prepared for a whole new world of awkward and opinions to put some of ‘the way things are’ on their ear.” You looked her over and said, “You might want to get some iron tablets, you might be anemic on your cycles. Can’t have the head of the volleyball team passing out mid game tomorrow. Pickle or something salty might help a bit.” You said passing her the bottle you had pulled from your bag she accepted in your smile, “Only five left in there. Should last you the week. I can stop at the drug store on the way home.” You said turning around leaving her alone in the bathroom to look over the bottle, from which she took out a tablet she took with a sip of water gathered from her cupped hand out of the faucet she turned on.

“Ah, thought we’d lost you there for a bit,” Professor Randolph said making you grin walking with him back to the gymnasium.

“Just changing my film.”

“You seem to be getting along with your Art History Professor, she is one tough cookie.”

“Well I wrote a paper that made her cry.”

“That’ll do it,” he said with a nod.

“Though I have a feeling if those two hook up we’ll all feel the brunt of it.” You whispered lowly making him chuckle.

“Oh that is nothing compared to some debacle that ended last year with the last Mythology Professor and the Nurse when the former died. Downright scandalous and they were determined to have a man this year.”

“Ah,” You said catching his meaning and glanced his way, “If you don’t mind my asking, is there a Mrs Randolph?”

That had him grinning your way, “There was, she is resting waiting to be rebodied and our sons are traveling here from Asgard. You’ll like them, they’re all my former height before I chose this form to not be too imposing upon the populace, and my youngest is one of our finest bakers. So proud, eldest six chose from the arts and spinners of tales.”

“Seven, good for you,”

“Oh that’s not even the largest brood, we are quite humble compared to the warriors who breed twice our numbers. But it will take a few years minimum to get here, minimum, plenty of time to ready for them.”

“And, um, where do they intend on going when they land here?”

Smirking at you he said, “Do you realize how frequently scientists discover new islands popping up from underwater volcanic eruptions? More often than you think.”

“No doubt even rarer if they pop up near New York.” You giggled out making him chuckle.

“They will choose a lovely plot of ocean and assemble the portals to travel with ease for those wishing to integrate.”

“Do they know how to live here?”

“Oh they will be taught. And should you ever find yourself in need of filling positions in a company of your own you will have the most loyal of staff to accompany you to greatness.” He said with a smile splitting from your side to take his place back in the bleachers while you smiled seeing Portia smiling wider at your return after her glance around for you.

Once at her side she said, “Filled your camera already? I feel a bit behind I’ve only filled four pages on notes so far,”

“Oh don’t be like that. All I have to do is press a button and aim the camera. Words are harder.” Leaning in you whispered into her ear with a grin spreading to her lips, “Plus I had to make sure that I had ample space for the fire that tinder box is brewing after those joints throw their fit.”

Her mouth opened in a hushed agreeing gasp, “I knew I wasn’t the only one seeing her miss that step, how can you forget the grease? Right up there with the foundation being even.”

Together you giggled shifting for a wider view of the contestants finishing up, “Though I am impressed on the thought of Becca adding that warm water bottle to the center of her moving tower.”

Portia’s head tilted with yours as you lifted your camera to snap the shift of one of the arms on the crab like base slicing through the bottle complete with gasp from the young woman and shriek from the other woman who got splashed that turned to glare at then console the near to tears eliminated contestant. “Wonder if that’s one of those French brand bottles, neighbor used to day hers was never lined right so mom brought her a thicker dime-store one that saw her through that winter and five after.”

“I thought they lasted longer than five years.”

“Oh no, she died.”

“Oh,” she said looking you over and asked, “A lot of your neighbors die?”

You glanced her way, “Not really, she caught pneumonia, in and out of sickness her final years after a bad bout of polio as a kid just tore her immune system apart.”

“Rest of them were from drink or the factories. Do you have a lot of neighbors? Back home?”

“Couple, but they don’t live for miles, we have acres between us. Had a hard winter before we came here lost a few from it. Lot of people still use wood stoves. Some of them suffocate from the back draft sometimes when they clog or give out.”

“The guys are just glad they gutted our place, couldn’t walk five feet without finding another code violation or fire hazard. You know they put the fuse box by the boiler.”

“They did not!” She said gawking at you, “How could they be so reckless?”

“Well only immigrants to go up in flames I guess was their consolation. Much safer and airtight now.”

“Well I can’t wait to see it tomorrow when we go to the museum and have tea after.”

“Yes, and our time out could give Vic and Norma a breakfast to themselves and Dawn too while we watch Teddy for her.” That had her smile out of eagerness to see your little world you had built here for yourself to get you through the hard days at school in this rough city.”

Claps and cheers came with the awards ceremony to your capturing each of those being given ribbons, trophies and a group photo afterwards. The smirk on your face captured by Portia in borrowing your camera a moment having seen James come in and up behind you, the picture to be added to the mix was him draped behind you watching over your shoulder as you wrote out some tips for the young woman whose hot water bottle contraption she’d requested from you to perfect on her own.

“I’d have guessed you’d have won with that design.” Making her grin creep out in accepting her notepad back.

“Could have, if the bottle didn’t split. Maybe I can get it right for the exhibit in the end of October for the Gold Bond contest.” She looked you over asking, “Are you competing in any contests?”

“No, heard of a mural sort of prize raffle for Kodak. Get a whole crate of film if you win. Might submit a sketch for that.”

“The prize is just film?”

James said, “They also use the mural for their public ad for Christmas.”

That made her smirk, “Have to think up something unique for the holiday theme.”

“Oh I’m sure you could think something up.” She said slipping away to your loving fiancé easing back to take your hand to guide you back to Portia’s side to collect your camera again so he could snap a picture of the pair of you smiling to grant you another blip in the yearbook instead of being blocked out by being behind the camera. With giggle filled comments you walked her out to her waiting car waving her off for the train ride home again.

“What are you thinking?” he hummed near your ear settling onto the bench beside you with arm easing behind your back.

“Think I might try a bear, and a moose for the sketch.”

“Sounds perfect. I’d buy a hundred cameras from that ad.”

“I just think animals might be a nice twist.”

You aren’t going to change my mind.”

Up around his neck however your arms eased for a kiss leading you upstairs for a much needed bout of cuddling to enjoy your afternoon off. Though in the arrival of a guest at the door he slipped out of the room leaving you to give the sketch a try. On the bottom left a bear rocking with front paws linked to his toes wearing a Santa hat, right behind its back is a pair of squirrels, one in a sweater, the other with a scarf around a squirrel snowman above nuts writing the words ‘Merry Christmas’, all underneath the moose head with from the antlers various shaped ornaments. Top left above the bear you wrote, ‘For those who ever wondered just who Santa sees.’ The final touches being the night sky underneath a full moon lighting the snowy landscape with just the faintest silhouette of a sled soaring behind a cloud.

(I’m not photoshop level edit savy. I use paint, just pretend it’s got trees in the background with santa’s sleigh in the sky in front of the moon and the rest of the moose is in the pretend card mural.)

Truly you’d put it off to the last minute and inside an envelope alongside the entry form once you’d signed the bottom corner of the image as required with a stamp added the envelope was addressed and to the post office you went to ensure it got out on time. Months in advance might seem a bit absurd to some, however for a brand like Kodak you guessed that there would be thousands of entries that would be sorted through. And you didn’t need a free years worth of film, you could no doubt afford it on your own, however you figured it might be nice. You’d only entered a couple spelling contests in school that never took you anywhere but a blurb in the same paper that Eddie now worked at, a copy of which was dug out of the records to hang ridiculously as one of the articles on famous people now beside the several stories copied for your own files all through the war and since then. 20 cents was your prize then and helped to buy the coin purse you were saving your run away fund inside that held the dime left over.

On each corner you smiled and waved to your neighbors who were curious to see you traveling alone anywhere but the church watched you slip your way past a mailman who held the door open for you with a kind thanks heading for the counter with two women curious to see you there. Both smiled and to the one on the left for simple postage you passed the large envelope she eyed reading the destination, “Writing to Kodak? As in the camera company?”

“They’re having a contest geared towards Christmas ads. You get some free film if you win. Haven’t been in a contest since that spelling bee against your Tina.”

That made her smile in adding the proper stamps using her stamper and ink pad and reaching for the receipt booklet to complete your purchase. “Oh I remember that. True work of art on the dance floor, but red as a radish having to speak in public.”

The other woman chuckled asking, “You aren’t entering any more contests?”

“Only other ones I’ve heard of was a cooking contest on who could come up with the best recipes for anything pumpkin last month, but can’t say I’ve ever had pumpkin let alone know what to do with one if we sold them here.” Making the pair chuckle. “Still working my way through the books James and Victor had up in Canada.”

The first woman accepted your coins and said, “Well I’m certain you’ll win.”

All you could do was thank the pair and smile on your way out again leaving them to their gossip exiting onto the street where you found Eddie across it smiling in noticing you were there to trot across it behind a passing car to get to your side. “Hey sis, what’re you doing in the post office?”

“Sending off that Kodak contest entrance form.”

“Oh that’s great, what’d you pick?”

“A bear, moose and some squirrels.” He chuckled at your own embarrassed giggle and glance away making him loop his arm behind your shoulders. “It’ll be unique at least. I have a duplicate sketch at home, if you wanted-,”

“Agh, no need. We’ll all see it when it’s posted in the papers that you won.”

Shaking your head you replied, “I hope that won’t be for my name if I do.”

“It won’t be, after all, you said it’s unique.”

“Plus I guess if they do pick mine it won’t be so back they’re choosing twelve, so they can just say it’s favoritism for one of them.”

“Oh trust me, Kodak wouldn’t pick anything but the best of the bunch for their big end of the year sales. You did think of a slogan?”

“’For those who ever wondered just who Santa sees,’ and I remembered to add the sleigh at least up top and the Merry Christmas too.”

“Good, love the slogan. Bet they never thought of that.”

“No clue how it ties to buying cameras.”

“Think of it as a where’s a camera when you need one moment that someone on the naughty list would come across.” Making you giggle again.

“Oh yes, now we’re pitching Kodaks to the naughty children and adults.”

“Only the naughty ones get to what the animals are up to. Any contenders for the slogan you chose against?”

“No thumbs required to believe.” That had him chuckle again, “But I thought it might be a bit tasteless against some of the veterans.”

In another chuckle he said, “I think more than some would get a kick out of it. A Kodak for the wounded warriors. They could market that no doubt. Already have a Medal of Honor donning soldier to be the face of the campaign.”

“Oh yes, truly rub it in for those who doubt I earned my medals.”

“You did and more so, and they can choke on some coal if they don’t like it and shit out a diamond for all I care.”

“Now that would be something to see. From Golden Goose to Diamond Shitting Non-Patriot.” Making him laugh again to your amused giggle.

“Exactly. Either way might get you in the papers again. Speaking of which, got a call this morning from American Home, the spreads we took are coming out next week.”

“Oh that should be interesting. No doubt people will be asking when we took them seeing Dawn’s figure is unquestionable she’s got a passenger on board,” widening is smile, “I do hope the reviews aren’t too terrible.”

“Oh they’ll love it, no doubt we’ll hear our wallpaper choices and china are flying off the shelves.”

“Already got a call about the china, they asked for the right to post a picture of us in their yearly magazine and share that they were our choice for china for the new home and our wedding set.”

“Oh that’s nice,”

That had you giggle again, “No telling what lengths what the wedding gown company will go to when they find out I ordered the dress not Dot.”

He chuckled lowly, “Well we did need some stealth to all this or they’d have had mocked up pictures for all the papers already.”

“I am glad she talked me into that. Still can’t believe even just ordering anything at all has our names in the papers. Even that flower pot from Alberta, come on, had a whole special on what I bought.”

“Well you have to admit they are glad that you chose some of their least popular items that flew off the shelves.”

“Well I can’t help it they were so brightly colored. Mom never got the bright pots, too expensive, plus the bees love the bright ones.” Deepening his grin even more remembering those weeks you spent just arranging the flower pots in the back courtyard and patio.

“We’ll just have to see if we can lure some bees out here for you.” Softly you chortled, “Even if we have to hang some fake crystal ones.”

“I think I’ll leave the yard to the girls for now out here and fight Vic for the garden in Canada.”

James with Teddy against his chest shouldered the diaper bag and walked with you out of the subway to the front of the MoMA where Portia was just pulling up. His eyes stealing glimpses of the same blue eyed Prince who had clearly snuck in to the Beserker lands again with another orange in his hand to see what you were up to. His eyes looked you over then to the boy who waved to him he returned the gesture to. “Truly I have not been gone long enough for you to have conceived and bourn a child.”

Smirking at him you said, “My nephew Teddy, Prince Loki.”

Turning his head he narrowed his eyes staring at the museum behind him asking, “Is Eli meeting you here?”

“No, have to write a paper on an exhibit here.”

“Hmm,” he said lifting a slice of the orange he popped between his lips to chew on. “Ah, the pink woman again.” he said in your smiling turn to greet Portia in her being set free.

“Be nice blue eyes,” you softly said earning a soft sigh from him in return at his guess for what he was to endure today at this odd place.

She smiled exiting the car to excitedly stroll with you to the entrance with notepad in hand matching yours to make notes on the exhibit you were choosing to choose from for this paper. From James’ pocket you brought out his wallet to pay for you and him after Portia insisted on paying for herself with her own coin purse. Teddy of course got in free and watched you put James’ wallet back sliding the change back along with it after your former issues with this same guy who didn’t like taking funds from women when there was a man present. “Paper currency, how primal.” Loki sighed luring out your grin guessing what he might say while he’s shadowing you today.

Into your arm her arm looped and through the front doors the guards opened and closed behind you. The action confusing the Asgardian wondering on her rank as to be so comfortable on touching a Queen so casually. Already Teddy was looking around along with Portia who listened to you share about blocked plaques that others were keeping her from inspecting along with details on the lobby that James added in on about the arches and architecture until you reached the stairs to the way to the proper exhibit as she said, “I think we start in the right place to get the notes done then we can browse around.”

“Sounds good. Plus it’s usually easier to bound around to avoid the crowds. Plus the tours always linger and are so loud.” Turning in a circle Loki took in the space and eyeing the direction you were going and the other options the flash of green over his body preceded his doubles strolling off in each open walkway with himself still holding the orange to follow your group.

Portia, “Well we can’t scare Teddy with loud crowds, no we can’t.” Flashing him a smile on his glance her way hearing his name he mirrored in a happy giggle at your own smile his way. Behind James and you Loki continuously stole glances at Teddy in his tries to inch up to stare at the Prince who randomly made faces at the boy luring out his giggles and faces that made the few strangers who caught them in passing laugh themselves and wave back.

Portrait by portrait you both strolled and to her amusement you were able to recite the tour information back word for word after sneaking into the tours as a child confirmed by the tour guide entering on your way out to the first exhibit they had just left. The words all soaked up by the Prince wondering if you had commissioned this collection of artwork to have known each detail about every one of them. None of them he preferred to his own taste but all of them showing hints to artwork his own people had once used elements from them. His excitement grew as the assignment was through and he could hear more on the areas around this section. Returning your notepads and pens to your purses to explore as much as possible. Until you all at Teddy’s agreeing grumble for food had you climb into her car for the drive home. Back at the car his doubles each soaked back into his body and he slipped into the car settling on the floor to be out of the way wondering what your home would be like.

Anxiously she watched your city stretch on and listened to everything along the way to the front walk where you asked the driver, “Did you want something to eat?”

“That would be mighty kind, thank you, Miss Pear.”

He glanced down the street eyeing the kids peering at the car, “Car’ll be fine. They just like to daydream.” That calmed him and he followed you all up the stoop through the open front door.

In Loki’s path to your side he asked, “Why would the chauffer not be comfortable leaving the vehicle on its own?”

To a flash of silver in your eyes his glimmered green a moment feeling your mental tap he accepted to hear your answer, “He’s afraid it will get damaged or stolen.”

“He is that afraid for the safety of his vehicle? The street is adequately empty with little traffic.”

To that you wet your lower lip in a glance away, “It isn’t his vehicle, it belongs to Portia’s father.”

“Surely then he should not be so concerned. It is not his. Were it to be stolen-,”

“He would be fired and arrested at best,” parting Loki’s lips. “This is not Asgard, dark skinned people have been released from slavery quite recently and have very few rights. I am glad to know that Asgard could be safer for them, however we are still working on equality.”

“Could you and miss pink not do something about this injustice?”

“Women are property on this planet.” The statement halting him in the middle of his step to enter the room you were guiding Portia into. “I belong to my brother until I wed James, then in public I am allowed to do what he shares I am free to.”

“Surely that is first on your list to right at once!” He said hurrying to catch your side again seeing the same flinch of pain from his last visit in your eyes explaining a lot more from his first visit to your school an how others behaved around you.

“Trust me I fully intend to crush any man in my way to my goals. And my friend Portia, is among the few women I’ve met willing to shake the status quo. I’ll do anything I can to help her and other women to get forward in life and out of the mark of being owned.”

“Surely my father knows nothing of this.”

In a glance his way, “I highly doubt your father cares. Or my mother and other women wouldn’t have faced such brutality in their lifetimes.” Determined for answers Loki bottled up his bubbling rage enduring the tour until he was certain it was just small talk around the table. Then he ate the rest of his orange to race off to find his mother Frigga for an answer to these infuriating discoveries that she now took as your mission that was keeping you from attacking Asgard, but not protecting their planet as they were rightly responsible for the issues allowed to fester there. Surely putting them second on the list for targets once you have righted Midgard and were after those responsible for those issues festering in the first place.

James led him inside to the kitchen where he found Victor ready with a juice filled bottle and some food to go with the lunch as you showed Portia around to sate her curiosity about everything. Once there he was a bit confused to find no separate kitchen for him to eat inside of that had Victor saying, “No one’s gonna drag you out of here, feel free to get comfortable. If you like you can eat in here to the radio while we set the table in the dining room.”

That had him ask, “You don’t have any help?”

James chuckled easing Teddy into his high chair to start feeding the boy, “Nope. Don’t need any.”

Victor said, “Plus this is the Irish block, no one around here has help outside of the family. Too big for their britches and pocket books.” He said taking the first of the food out to the set table.

James added on in the Driver lowering into the chair James motioned to behind the plate Victor had made for him with utensils he returned to pour him a glass of juice, “And Jaqi likes to practice her cooking lessons.”

The Driver thanked the pair for the food while Victor got to the tea for you who asked him, “Would you happen to know if Portia likes sugar in her tea?” That had the Driver smirk watching him pop a sugar cube between his lips, “There is something about this damn sugar cube package. Tastes off,” He said setting the cubes aside to grab the loose sugar bag he filled the sugar container with for the tea tray with a measuring spoon to not spill.

The Driver said, “Could be you got that rancid sugar they tried to dump off down south in the war.”

James, “Something about it. But we got some honey from Canada to help sweeten the tea for Jaqi till we got the new bag, now we got nothing to use the cubes for unless we want to glue it into a house or something for Halloween decorations.”

The Driver said, “Either that or you can use it for soaps or stains, add some water to it ground up and leave it on the stain for an hour you can get out some nasty grease off your hands and grass off your clothes.”

Victor smirked saying, “Soap sounds helpful, fixing the back grill has been hell to scrub that grease off.” He looked the Driver over, “How’s your brother Benjamin doing? Jaqi shared about him.”

That had his brows inching up and he released his fork leaving it on his plate to reach into the inner pocket of his jacket offering Victor the envelope he drew out the copies of pictures inside. A smirk ghosted across Victor’s face walking around the table to sit by James showing him the images of the time in Italy your troops that crossed paths with his brother’s colored battalion. “Oh look at these. These are some good angles.”

The Driver smirked returning to his meal, “Benjamin likes taking pictures on the side. Even got a job taking portraits in the colored part of town and for some stables for Sir.”

James, “Well that’s good to hear. Did it cost a good deal to have these printed down south?”

The Driver shook his head, “No sir, Benjamin prints his own copies. Sir bought him a good supply of all he needed to keep up on his horses and their progress while he’s away.”

Victor chuckled lowly, “One way to make sure no one makes off with a show pony while he’s gone. Jaqi will love these. Hasn’t been able to find a picture of these beaches in books on Italy.”

Between bites of his food Teddy patted his hands on the pictures James started to show him as well. By the time he was through and finishing off his bottle James was on his feet rinsing the plate off and Victor smirked to the Driver saying, “I’ll turn the game on for you, there’s seconds on the stove if you want more. Help yourself.”

He nodded his head with a grin, “Thank you sir.” Watching the brothers who walked out to join you both at the table to help you entertain Portia for a couple hours to when she was expected to leave freeing you to head up with Victor to print out a copy of the film reels from the contest to hand over to the yearbook team at school on Monday. Dinner came soon enough after you’d drafted the essay due for your Art History class from the trip to the exhibit today.

Pt 37

All –

@himoverflowers, @theincaprincess, @aspiringtranslator ,@thegreyberet, @patanghill17, @jesgisborne, @curvestrology, @alishlieb, @jogregor, @armitageadoration, @fizzyxcustard, @lilith15000, @marvels-ghost, @catthefearless, @imjusthereforthereads, @c-s-stars, @otakumultimuse-hiddlewhore, @mariannetora, @shes-a-killer-kween, @ggbbhehe4455, @xxbyimm (Hobbit x oc)

X Marvel-Cast - @himoverflowers, @theincaprincess, @changlingkhat

#James Howlett x Reader OC #Victor Creed #Eddie Brock #Venom #Loki #Professor Elliot Randolph #Victor Creed x Norma Jeane #Eddie Brock x OC #Marvel

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whatwouldmarinado · 4 years

Text

this is me trying (and maybe I don't quite know what to say)

Loving Abby was the easy part.

---

A little reflection on Harper's attitudes during the movie.

Read it on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27735505

Loving Abby was the easy part.

Of course being away from her parents in Pittsburgh, having the opportunity of being a proud out lesbian, walking hand in hand with another woman, kissing, making out even, it was easy too. But being with Abby… there was no comparison.

You met her at a party of mutual friends, on a night where you decided to come out just because Sloane was flashing again on Instagram her picture perfect family. And you knew you could never give your parents that; even if you got married and had kids, it would not be with a man, it wouldn’t be enough, and okay, now it was time for a drink. You called your friend asking for the address and the next thing you knew…

Abby.

She was nice and she was funny and so awkward at times that you couldn't help but want to kiss her. But you didn't do that, not on the first meeting. Not even on the first date. You wanted her to like you, not just be attracted to you, even though you were very attracted to her and was eager to know what her lips tasted like. Probably sweet, just like her.

At the end of your third date, you took her home and led her to her door, even though you didn't want to go back to your Abby-less apartment. You looked at her, with her back to her building door. Her green eyes sparkled in the moonlight. You wanted to say something to prolong your time with her, but the words didn't come to mind. She was also looking at you, more specifically at your mouth. And you thought at that moment that it would be just the easiest thing to kiss her.

So you did. And it was just as sweet as you imagined it, but also tender, and soft, and hot, and you wanted more. In the end, you didn't come back to your apartment that night.

Unlike your first kiss, it didn't take long for you to ask her to be your girlfriend. In fact, you did it on the same day you first kissed her, and for some people that may seem quite impulsive, but you knew it was not. You just felt then and there that you loved her, and that was it.

She was the first one to say I love you, a month after. It came as a surprise to you, because, even though it was very easy for you - to date her, to be with her, to love her -, you had never considered the idea that she might feel the same way. You hoped you could be for her what she was for you, even though you knew that there were things hanging that you couldn't bring yourself to resolve.

Your family.

They didn't know easy and simple and love just for love. And you didn't know at which point you resolved to separate yourself completely from them to be the person you knew you were, but since college you don't remember being actually sincere with them. Because you couldn't talk about how much you missed Riley, how Connor was nice but not for you, so then what was the point? You just talked about your classes and internships, and now you talked about your job.

So they didn't know about Abby. Big deal.

Because somehow you knew that, besides the girl part, there was also the sense of love you never got from your parents and certainly not from your big sister, the kind of love that wasn't conditional, the kind of love that Abby gave you. Joining these two worlds would certainly complicate things and clash very different ideals. So you just avoided it.

Abby moved in with your after six months of relationship. Her toothbrush was besides your toothbrush, her clothes on the closet, and you woke up everyday with her besides you, her arm above your stomach, her chest to you back, her being the big spoon despite you being the taller one. You just fit like that. Easily.

Not to say you didn't have your desagrements and even fights, because you did. Abby was sometimes too focused on her PhD to do the dishes and you had a habit of forgetting your towel above the bed. But it was never serious and you never went to sleep angry, because in the end everything was superfluous compared to the love you two had.

You always had on the back of your mind that it wouldn't last. You had too much of your traumas in you to just spend your life without them affecting you. But when you spiraled thinking about that, you said to yourself, "not yet". It had not happened yet, you had not burdened Abby with anything yet. You would deal with that when the time came. And who knows? Maybe everything would be okay.

But it happened sooner than you thought. On an impulse you asked Abby to come home with you for Christmas, because she just looked so beautiful on that snowy night after an adrenaline rush and you couldn't help yourself. And she said yes so soon, and she kissed you with such love, and the next morning you tried to dissuade her but she was so excited, and being with her was so easy and it made you so happy that sometimes you forgot yourself. And your family. Your dad.

You knew it would break her and you did it anyway. You told her about still being in the closet a few miles from your parents house, so she didn't have time to prepare - as well as one could prepare themselves for such a thing. You didn’t do enough to help her.

And that was the problem, wasn’t it? At the end of the day, you didn't do much of anything. You didn't make your parents acknowledge her as more than a casual friend. You didn't convince your mom to let Abby stay in your room with you. You didn't reject Connor right away, you didn't even talk with Riley in the way she deserved, you didn't stop Sloane from getting inside your head.

So yes, if you were to lose Abby… you deserved it. Because she was right, you were hiding her. Even if that was part of the hiding yourself part, she was involved in that. You were so caught up in your feelings of shame that you didn't consider hers. Your love for her was so obvious to yourself that you never thought that she would doubt it. And now you would be without her and it was entirely your fault.

So you would try one last time, even if it came to nothing. You had to try, to compensate for all the other times you didn’t. Because it was Abby, it was her, and her laugh and her smile and her eyes, and her piled up dishes and her all-nighters writing her thesis, and if it was not her it would not, could not, be anyone else.

So you would try. And this time it would certainly not be easy. But you had to do it. And hope for the best.

And it's hard to be at a party when I feel like an open wound

It's hard to be anywhere these days when all I want is you

You're a flashback in a film reel on the one screen in my town

And I just wanted you to know that this is me trying

(And maybe I don't quite know what to say)

I just wanted you to know that this is me trying

At least I'm trying

#happiest season #happiest season fanfic #harper caldwell #abby holland #harper/abby #harper x abby #kristen stewart #mackenzie davis #wlw #fanfiction #lgbtqia+

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embeanwrites · 4 years

Text

Finding Home Gavin Reed x Reader

Chapter 8

Masterlist

We pulled back into dad’s house. Walking back inside I immediately noticed Sumo was laying down with the old blanket dad was talking about earlier. He perked up the moment we walked in and started wagging his tail.

“He kept crying after you left, he’s a big softie.” My dad said through a mouthful of noodles. I smiled and walked over to pet Sumo and gave him a kiss on the top of his head.

“I’m not going anywhere, Sumo.” I said softly into his fur. I looked at the blanket. It was a faded blue and a lot smaller than I remembered it. Or maybe I was just a lot smaller in my memories with it. Sumo had chewed a few holes in it from carrying it around. After all these years, he hadn’t forgotten about me. I wondered if my dad ever took the blanket and thought about me. I sat next to my dad on the couch, grabbing a pair of chopsticks and stealing the container of noodles from him.

“Hey!” He yelled through a mouthful of food. I smiled.

“So, what are we watching?”

“You’re the guest, you pick.”

“Hmmm…Connor have you seen the original Muppet movie?” My dad laughed.

“That movie is older than me, (Y/n)!”

“I have not seen anything about ‘Muppets’.” Connor responded sitting down on the floor with Sumo. It was interesting, even though there was plenty of room on the couch he still chose to sit on the floor with Sumo.

“Then that’s what we’re watching. Everyone needs to watch the Muppets. If I could find a way to show it in my class, I totally would. Hey! Connor you could analyze it and see if there’s any way I could connect it to humans and androids or sociology!”

“Oh, your students must love having to watch old movies.” My dad snorted.

“Hey! I showed my class at (dream/school) ‘The Iron Giant’ and they loved it!”

“How on earth did you connect that?”

“Dad, it’s about a giant robot and people immediately assuming he was going to kill everyone, and, in the end, he was the hero. It’s literally perfect.” I laughed, grabbing the remote from the table and found the movie. I took my phone out of my pocket and placed it face down, so I wouldn’t get distracted. Clicking play I snuggled into the couch and continued eating.

“I'm Statler.

I'm Waldorf.

We're here to heckle

The Muppet Movie.”

“Why are some puppets and others human?” Connor asked, I looked over at him. He once again had tilted his head.

“They’re Muppets, Connor. And I wouldn’t question it too much, in the next movie they say a bear and a frog are twin brothers.” He furrowed his brow and kept his eyes intently on the movie.

As the movie went on, I couldn’t help but hum along to the songs. Muppets always felt like home. When I was younger, me, dad, and mom had a Muppet movie marathon on my birthday. I don’t remember much about what else we did, but I remember watching the movie and laughing with them. It was right before they got divorced. It was the last happy memory of all three of us I had.

Through the corner of my eye, I watched my dad move his foot to the music and laugh at the funny parts. I wondered if he remembered the last time we watched this together. I wondered if he ever watched them with Cole.

When the movie ended, I got up and stretched. Looking at the clock, I noticed it was only 7 pm.

“I’m going to change into my pajamas.” I said while picking up my backpack. “What room should I use?”

“You can use mine, it’s the one at the end of the hallway.” Connor said. I nodded and walked in.

The room had sparse decorations, which wasn’t too surprising. I could tell by what was on the walls that this must have been Cole’s room. I changed into sweatpants and a giant t-shirt, putting my dirty clothes in the bottom of my bag. I walked back out to find Connor putting a leash on Sumo and my dad cleaning up from dinner.

“Dang, Connor. If you had told me you were going to go walk Sumo I would’ve waited to change, so I could go with you!”

“I’m just taking him out for a couple of minutes. I will let you know the next time I plan on walking him. Come on, Sumo.” I smiled and walked over to my dad.

“Gun to my head, if you were to ask me if Hank Anderson would ever let an android live with him, I would say no way in a heartbeat.” My dad chuckled.

“Before Connor, I would’ve agreed.”

“What changed?”

“When we were hunting deviants, it was clear that they all just…wanted to be free. There were two girls that seemed to be truly in love. Connor’s mission was to bring in the deviants, but he had a gun trained on them and he let them go. I guess I just realized that humans and androids aren’t that much different.” I nodded as I kept my eyes on the front door.

“If you had read my articles you would’ve learned that sooner.” I said with a laugh.

“How did you know so early on?” I shuffled uncomfortably.

“I’m not really sure. It wasn’t one moment that made me realize. In undergrad I took a lot of sociology and history classes and I just kept seeing the same issues repeating over and over again. Humans have always had an “us vs them” mentality, so it was just the same thing we’ve seen since the earliest civilization.” My dad hummed.

“I don’t know how you got so smart. You certainly didn’t get that from me.” I laughed.

“I studied really hard and never stopped. Going into college I didn’t even know I was going to go to grad school and get my PhD. I just started learning and I never wanted to stop. Especially after I read about how some androids were being treated. I wanted to make a difference.” I sighed. “I’d like to think I’ve gotten most of my students outside their comfort zones and got them to accept androids as free beings, but I have a feeling that may be harder in Detroit.”

“Well, I’ve never seen you teach, but just by that statement I can tell you really care. Your students will see that too and that’ll get them to listen. There’s a reason everyone hates math, no one could be passionate about that.” I laughed. Connor walked back in with Sumo. The moment he unhooked his leash he came bounding over to me. “Man, he’s going to attack you every time he sees you.” I got on my knees and started petting him.

“Good, because I’ve missed him.” I scratched behind his ear and he thumbed his back leg. I got up and walked back over to the couch and stretched my legs out. Sumo followed me and laid down on the floor next to me, I reached over and grabbed my phone off the table. I checked my messages. A couple from friends back home. I bit my lip, debating if I should text Gavin. In the end I decided I had bothered him enough for one day.

“(Y/n), when did you want to go walk the rescue dogs?” Connor asked sitting next to my feet on the couch.

“Do you work tomorrow?”

“He doesn’t, but I have too.” My dad grunted coming back to the living room.

“Why?” My dad shook his head.

“Captain Fowler is having the Lieutenant take some refresher classes and some of the detectives are getting together to discuss how android crime cases should be handled from now on.” I sat up.

“Is it an open meeting?” I asked my dad quickly.

“Not that I know of.” He answered.

“Hm…ask the Captain if I could possibly assist you guys with that. I know I’m not a police officer, but I understand a lot about androids and humans. I even minored in forensics in undergrad, but that was a while ago.”

“I’ll ask him, I think it’s a good idea. It wouldn’t hurt to get more opinions on how to handle it. The government is sure taking their sweet time coming up with laws covering everything.” I nodded in agreement. “Well, I’m gonna head to bed, read your book a little before sleeping. See you guys tomorrow.”

“Good night!” Me and Connor said at the same time. My dad kept walking and waved a little before going to his room and shutting the door. Still sitting up I looked at Connor. His LED was blue and looking at my backpack.

“I brought a scrapbook if you’d like me to show it to you.” I said gently, grabbing my bag.

“Will it cause you more emotional distress to look at it tonight?” He asked softly, causing me to laugh.

“No, Connor. This is filled with good memories.” I got the book out and moved closer to him, so the book sat on both of our legs. “This is me with my freshman orientation group. I was so scared that day. The campus felt so much bigger when I started living on it, but over time it felt smaller.” I kept flipping the pages stopping to explain some pictures.

“That is Officer Chen.” Connor said pointing to an old picture of me and Tina painting each other’s toenails. I smiled.

“Me and Tina have been friends for a long time, before she went to the police academy, she would come to my dorm room to crash.” I grabbed my phone and snapped a picture and sent it to Tina.

Look at these babies!

“Officer Chen is on duty right now. She may not respond right away.” I sat my phone down.

“I know, but she’ll see it eventually.” I flipped a couple more pages. There were pictures of graduation and friends.

“Who’s that?” Connor asked pointing to a picture of me with a KL900.

“Oh, during my research I interviewed some androids. She was designed for social work. It’s been so long, but I think her name is Lucy.” Connor’s LED flashed yellow.

“She died during the revolution.” I looked intently at the picture, remembering how kind she was.

“She was a really good person.” I clenched the book a little tighter. “I wish I could have done more during the revolution. I helped a couple of androids, but if I had been in Detroit maybe I could’ve done more.” Connor awkwardly patted my shoulder.

“You were safer outside of the city. Hank would be upset if you had gotten hurt.” I nodded, closing the book.

“Could we look at the rest some other time? There’s a few more androids and I’m not sure if I’m ready to hear about their fate.”

“Of course. Are you going to bed?” I looked at my phone.

“Nah, it’s only 8. If I sleep now, I’ll mess up my sleep schedule even more and wake up at like 4 am. What do you want to do?”

“Would you like to watch the second Muppets movie?” I smiled.

“So, you liked the movie?” Connor smiled back.

“It was interesting. I enjoyed the fact that they knew it was a movie.”

“Well, the next one is ‘The Great Caper’, but that one’s probably my least favorite.”

“Is it essential to watch them in order?” Connor asked, tilting his head.

“God no, they’re a mess. Some of the ones that were made later have an order, but for the most part you can watch them in any order.”

“You can pick which one next.” I smiled widely.

“’The Muppets take Manhattan’, it is then!” I found the movie on the tv but waited to press play. “Hey, Connor. Sometimes you tilt your head a little. Is that in your programming or did you pick that up somewhere?”

“I was programmed to blend in with humans, it’s one of the few ‘quirks’ Cyberlife gave me, why?” I watched him, he looked as if he was about to tilt his head again but stopped himself causing me to chuckle.

“I’ve noticed you do it a lot and when Nines was in my office, he did it a couple times. I was wondering if you both were programmed to do that or if he picked it up from you.”

“I believe it is in both of our programming.” I nodded and clicked play on the movie. I patted the couch and Sumo jumped up next to me. “Sumo is not allowed on the couch.”

“It’s a special occasion, one night won’t hurt, Connor.” He frowned as his LED flashed yellow.

“It’s Friday night, there is no holiday today.”

“Exactly.” I said, turning my eyes to the movie. His LED changed back to blue as he sighed. He glanced at Sumo one more time, before finally starting to watch the movie.

“Together again

Gee, it's good

to be together again

I just can't imagine that

you've ever been gone

It's not starting over

It's just going on

Together again…”

#gavin reed x reader #gavin reed #hank anderson #connor is like a son to hank #connor has major little brother energy #rk800 #rk800connor #dbh #detroit become human #x reader #fan fiction #listen i just really love muppets

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shytiff · 3 years

Text

Apr 2021 Wins

Started typing this on 4th apr lmaooo

1 - went to mcd. bought chicken + rice with the app promo. there’s a staff helping me on the order machine lol i feel badd there’s no need to do thatt. ate my lunchmade by mom at mcd’s muschola and went to sbux bcs its tumbler day. green tea latte w skim milk as usual. sent dr triya’s translation. ecmocard. started rereading goong (AGAIN. i probably have read it like 3 times minimum). still bring some feels

2 - its holiday today. spent almost the whole daylight rereading goong (turns out its pronounce ‘gung’ not ‘gong’ lol ive been wrong all this time) and finished it. the scene where they stare at each other, separated by the castle door, always gets me. got the old ipad charged (the screen are like 30% close to detaching and falling apart) and started AOT

3 - spent the whole day reading AOT. i like it when i have mini purposes in life (eg: finishing a manga series). AOT rly talks a lot about what do you want to do in life, the consequences of your choices and how you have to live with it. i felt triggered in a good way. the characters dont rly judge other’s choices, but they question them. discuss about it. give you some moral push. second gladi today. my vbg was still filpped hhhh. read aot until i felt sleepy and fell asleep. woke up very near subuh and prayed isya. my toxic trait is the horrible self care (and im talking bare minimum lol hehe lmao)

4 - finished aot. Asked irun about some aot explanations and she sent 5 paragraphs in one bubble. Slept. Flavola, kopsus coklat and somay. Also ate japota honey butter. Did 1 long input of ecmocard. Followed baepsae choreo. Moved my body a bit. Wow im not immediately sleeping. Amazing

5 - arrived at harkit 11-ish and went back about 1pm loll. super hungry when im arriving in kalideres. bought tahu colek worth 3000 (i wonder how the seller hears me through my 2 layers of mask), roti sisir and some ice cream in alfamidi. my fitlife protein powder ran out again. its my 2nd already. did some ecmocard, wasted my time after maghrib

6 - woke up late. did not have the mental strength to go to harkit so i decided to just stay home. bought sbux 1L green tea and macchiato. wasted the daylight and finally did some ecmocard in the evening,,,,

7 - off to harkit 7.30-ish pm in the rain. Took some data for ecmocard. Went to salemba to get tabung and surat bebas pustaka. Had breakfast slash lunch first, tried guudfuud (red rice, beef and omega egg). I like that the rice was not too much. Met up w ness ren and talked about isip dilemmas at sky. Afterwards went to flavola. Ordered mie rebus and roasted milk tea cause i somehow feel sooo hungry and in need of calories. It tasted so good, i was sitting in my usual seat facing the window, and the sky was a mixture of blue and grey. Brought croissant and sakura pocky at indomart. Ate the bread immediately after indomie. Went back home. Juan brought tahu gejrot that was delicious and crunchy. Internship files briefing by akis. Fell asleep

8 - woke up. Saw that dr retha was up for interview. Panicked. Thankfully it was at 12. I left home at 9:40 ish and arrived 11:50. Its a long ass way. Turns out i was interviewed with ka agassi. The doctors are so kind. They explained the gist of anesthesiology profession, and how its a choice you make, and its okay as long as you like what you do. Tried halo bowl for lunch. Sous vide chicken, rice, caesar sauce, beef bacon, and the deliciouss butter broccoli. Went back to kalideres and to starbucks. I only spent <2 hrs in there (a waste of money, i know). Bought decaf hazelnut latte (apparently the beans were kenyan something? Medium?) and butter croissant (need to cushion my stomach). Did GCP certification and sent it to the ever so kind mba Ai. Still got energy from the caffeine, did some ecmocard, read quran, read.... Toji fanfic 🤦‍♀️

9 - went to rsf w mom. We took the wrong way and had to take the long way but thank god theres still time to spare. Met dr rara. Some briefing. Went to rscm w agassi, submitted files for ijazah, went back to RSF. Girlll the cost of transport. MRT: 12K. Grab: 16-17k. Thats one way trip. Bought food at rsf canteen. Eocru briefing by the research coordinator. Ward tour w dr retha. Snacked on ovaltine provided by mba ai. Went home after maghrib by tj. Liqo along the way. Glad bersih (came late). Drank macchiato for some strength but still fell asleep quickly.i shouldnt have laid down

10 - kebakaran jenggot in the morning due to green screen positioning. Finally got the appropriate setup (after many fabric tries and cutting my mukena) at 08:30. Finished showering 08:45. Zoom was opened at 9 lmao. Somehow finished before 09:30. Zoompah w mom and dad along side me. After its ovee, some "photoshoot" w fam. At this point i was truly rly sleepy. Took of my makeup. Changed my clothes. And then racil silv dev showed up lol. I got gifts c: and then atikah came. And then i redid my makeup, this time with the help of friends to create fantastic eye make up look (which i can never pull off). Eyebrows by sil, eyeshadow and liner by cheldev lol. Took some photos. Dajen came. Talked. Videocalled w pupuy. A surprise gift from fianti came. And then chel dajen went back at 8. Still cant sleep. Slept at like 11-12

11 - lazed. Woke up, ate pizza (mom bought 2 of phd's 1m pizza) and bakwan, slept again. Matcha latte and ecmocard. Watched a bit of 2nd sinau

12 - off to rsf at 06:20. Arrived 07:15 ish. Lunch was ayam penyet accompanied by snacks that mba ai bought. Off to harkit at 14:05 (bcs my laptop somehow shut down and i lost all the unsubmitted data). And then off to kalideres at 15:30 ish to meet up w clara and search for clothes for almira's wedding. Went to lippo bcs clar saw this dress that kinda looks like the brokat given. We ate at ramen ya. It doesnt rly make you feel full, the filliny sensation was kinda like indomie. Saw that the dress looked different. Ate 1 boba pancake together at banban. Continued on to the tailor in kebon jeruk. The location was in an alley, and it was raining lol. Quoting clara: "the unnecessary struggles". The tailor was quite helpful (and she looks experienced). Arrived at clara's at 8 ish. Picked up by mom with car (it was raining) and arrived at abt 9. Hurriedly showered and tarawih and tidied up AND ITS ONLY 09:45. Its crazy how efficient one use time (and at the same time, how wasteful one can be)

13 - first day of fasting. The morning was spent taking samples. I stupidly took a sample thats not yet labeled im sorry :(((( i felt kinda tired and wanted to give up this. Give up anesthesia. Went back home at 14:00 and its cloudy. The bus was the nicer types and it was COLD. Read quran along the way. Picked up by juan. Opened laptop. And then its iftar time. I was sooo sleey and the tarawih was so long thst i closed my eyes along the way. Fianti called after tarawih, we talked til abt 21:30. And then i fell asleep

14 - went to rscm. Submitted serkom files. Met dr dyah and i hope we could somehow meet her again if we study in fkui again aamiin. Went to rsf by mrt. Arrived in lebak bulus just before it was raining. The bus took a while to arrive (usually theyre there, waiting). Its still raining like crazy so i took grabcar to AR from pesakih (39k). Played with my phone til iftar. Played phone again after tarawih and fell asleep

15 - i felt rlyy lazy and cant bring myself to wake up. Off to rsf at 07:15. There were coordinator ppl. Took sample. It was raining when i went back but i took grabbike from kalideres. Wasted my time and did not do ecmocard

16 - sampling. Snacked on keripik pisang at the room. Went back early at 13:15 ish. Picked up by juan. Sleeeept (and this is before the nightmareish mistake began)

17 - i did a mistake by telling dr retha (who took the sample today) the wrong patient (it switched in my unreliable memory. I feel terrible. Thank god shes quite chill abt it (?). Read jujutsu kaiseeen. Went to flavola. Did 1 ecmocard. Went to bandar jakarta baywalk by motorbike. Spent 135k and was quite full with many varieties. Arrived home at about 20:50. Turns out juan also had bukber with his friends. Phone call with fiiii, talked abt dimrob

18 - lazed all day, read jjk, finished my part of ecmocard (gave genky to ekal cause i was a dumbass at getting data). Ate mom's mentai rice, siomay. Drank green tea latte. Read jjk til 145 (mentok) at night. Proceeds to consume all things jjk lmaoo

19 - we took sooo long to get samples. Finished at 13:00. Went to rm with dr rara. Went back home. Watched the third sinau. Read the IMMACULATE jjk fics by celestialmechanics im IN LOVEEEE with the way s/he writes ughhhh

20 - samples took faster than usual. Mba ai did not came today. Went to RM and did some work there. Off to AR by 15:00. Arrived close to maghrib. Did not do any work afterwards lmao. Did not even wash my face

21 - magang as usual. Note to self: sit on the right side of the bus. Did nothing yesterday. Felt like shit after tarawih (but i showered before maghrib!!)

22 - todays problem was the swab sample not being there even though the staff allegedly already took it. Huft. Took a shower and out on vitacid (i cant remember the kast time i put on vitacid 😳 its probably been... a week or two?

23 - samples finished quite quickly. Already going home at 12. Lazedddd and lazed and lazed. Waited for emir to pick me up so i went to dm. Read an immaculate itadori x megumi fix thats just full of feels. Started demon slayer lets see

24 - literally just laid in bed reading manga and seeing tiktok and slept again and suddenly its 1 am. Showered. Still in a lazy mode. Havent begun clires work. Watched leah's vlog that said "go do things youve been putting off!". Finally finished the third and last video of Sinau Yuk ICU class with dr. Zeta, SpAn lolll even though the actual last class was on 7th apr. iftar was fish and chips and salad yuum

25 - woke up at like 1am since i slept too much yesterday. Ate tan ek tjoan bread and drank sbux matcha latte. Did some intern work. Read a bit of quran. Sahur. Cant even sleep again so i showered. Off with mom and dad (09:30) since dad’s going to get vaccinated at skk migas. Mom drove me to ara’s place (11:00). Talked a bit and even read quran again there. Off to GI (13:00) to meet up w regen. Walked around. Bought a discounted TBS green tea facial wash. Went back home by TJ (16:00). the bus station is a bit closer now. Arrived home close to maghrib (17:30). hurriedly showered and went to sleep (properly) after tarawih. A good good sleep since i got 9400 steps today and that tired me out lmaooo (bare minimum yall, i know).

26 - woke up still sleepy. Slept again after iftar and woke up at 07:30. Skipped shower and off to RSF lmao. Went to medical record. Walked to the front of RSF originally planning to go to lebak bulus by angkot but i saw none. So i went through mrt instead. Stopped by at kebon jeruk and walked 800 meter (that tireeed me and made me feel parched under the sun) to risma busana for clothes fitting. Took gojek to jembatan gantung (turns out the closer halte to flyover was taman kota). Iftar was chicken noodle and risol and banana and i felt fullll and i slept

27 - today is off day since im alternating with agassi. read quran. watched shadow and bone (with 1,5x speed except for kanej and matthias nina scenes). didnt rly do any magang work except the table asked by dr retha. i feel like usually im operating on 70%. sleeping more doesnt rly add that. i need caffeine or physical activity. before i know it, its close to iftar.

28 - i ((felt)) like i had a decent amount of energy today. shouldve done some work between sahur and leaving the house but i ended up reading vampire knight lmaoooo the scenes had no business bringing so much butterflies. sampling together w agassi. mba ai didnt come in today. after agassi left did some magang work. i also went to RM to ask for more RM to bu dian. took angkot to lebak bulus for the first time. paid 5k. i had no idea which angkot went to lebak bulus and the driver (somehow knowing the right words to say) said “lebak bulus lebak bulus”. didnt read much quran on the way back. i just close my eyes and relaxed. felt kinda low on sugar. watched more shadow and bone on the way back and at home until close to iftar. didnt do anything after tarawih. slept hoping i woke up early (which i did, at 3am. but i slept again)

29 - im supposed to have ample energy but i just stuck around my bed until its time to get ready to go. read some kanej fic lol. I dont rly do anything productive after arriving home

30 - made intern log, magang as usual. Did not go to rm. Finished watching shadow and bone. Rested bcs tomorrow's saturdayyy

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fanfictionaries · 4 years

Text

Love and Academia Ch.9 - Cold Beer and Crossed Lines

Pairing: AU Professor!Bucky x OFC

Warnings: Swearing, smut, NSFW/18+ only, mentions of death/violence/suicide, Angst

Author’s note: A little attraction. A little flirting. A little Clint. A whole lot of Bucky and Emily!

Also: Holy cow! 5.5k words?? Longest Bucky chapter and longest chapter I’ve ever written on anything to be honest.

And as always, I do not currently have a beta reader so please excuse any larger issues. It’s just little ol’ me!

***

It should be illegal for cookies to taste this delicious. It should be even more illegal for the person who baked them to look so delicious. Bucky watched Emily as she took that Friday afternoon to tidy the lab. A group of visiting middle schoolers had spent the better part of the afternoon with them, learning about science, plants, and ecology and now the room was in shambles. Not that it was very clean to begin with. He had no idea why, but a universal truth existed about ecology labs – they were always a mess. Perhaps it was the lack aseptic technique required for their experiments. It might also have to do with the exorbitant amount of time they spent in the field, their camping materials, hiking boots, and lab equipment almost always coming back caked in mud. Nevertheless, you’d never find yourself in a spic and span ecology lab. The concept was practically an oxymoron.

Still, the mess the middle schoolers left was quite impressive and as his diligent graduate student, Emily had volunteered to clean up and put everything back into place. He watched her through the office window that looked out into the rest of the lab. Her hair was down today the long golden strands cascading down her back in thick waves. If he focused hard enough, he could just remember the silky, soft feel of it threaded through his fingers. She wore the same pair of baggy, paint-covered jeans as the day he walked into his office to find her dancing amongst the piles of Dr. Erskine’s book. They were high-waisted, synched tight at her small waste by a belt, but hanging loose everywhere else. It wasn’t until she bent over to pick something up that he could see the outline of her perky ass and full thighs. Currently, she was on her tiptoes attempting to place a large fluorescent light on top of a cabinet causing the bottom of her shirt to ride up and reveal the creamy skin of her ribcage. God, did she have to wear such little shirts? Not that he thought it would make much of a difference. The girl could probably come to school in a parka and he’d still get an erection watching her.

He didn’t know when the line of propriety in his mind had been crossed, but he was currently miles past it with no intention of turning back. The best he could do at this point, would be to come to a screeching halt and take five where he was. However, that was a little hard to do when everywhere he went, there she was. When he taught his classes, she was there. Sitting in the front row, idly doodling in her notebook, pen flipping in her delicate fingers, long legs crossing and uncrossing over each other. Often times, he found himself losing his concentration mid-sentence, too focused on the way Emily’s lips wrapped around the end of her pen. Even in the seemingly sweet solitude of his lab she was ever present. It didn’t matter what day or what time, she was there. Headphones on, working diligently at her desk. Dr. Erskine hadn’t been kidding when he said she was a hard worker. The amount of time she spent grinding away at her work bordered on unhealthy – bordered on his work ethic.

He had an excuse of course. He was using his work as a distraction. He always had. When Jenny Haver broke up with him his first year of graduate school, he locked himself in his room and didn’t come out until two weeks later, a full PhD proposal written to perfection. Is that what Emily was doing too? Avoiding something? Using her work as a distraction? He couldn’t imagine what it would be. She always seemed so happy and bright. Every morning, she swept into the lab like an early spring breeze, fresh and invigorating. Often times the day didn’t feel like it began until he saw her smile. Not that he would ever admit that to anyone. Even himself. She was his student. What he was experiencing was simply a basic case of carnal attraction. It was biological. Unavoidable.

“Hey, Dr. Barnes.” His wandering mind was brought back by the woman in question, standing in the doorway of his office. Despite their more relaxed relationship, she still kept her distance whenever she could, and she still insisted on calling him by his professional title. Probably for the best.

“Emily, what can I do for you?” he asked, trying to keep his tone light and friendly and free of any hint that he had been ogling her moments before.

“I’m taking off early today. I wanted to let you know, I’ll have the rough draft for my introduction to you by Monday,” she said, tucking a piece of her hair behind her ear.

“Yea sounds good. Any fun plans for the weekend?” He wished he could pretend that he’d only asked to be polite, but truthfully, he wanted to know more about her. He needed to.

Emily rolled her eyes exaggeratedly, “Oh yea. Major fun. That is, if working all weekend is considered fun. I’ll be swimming in it.”

“Whoa there, someone better real you in before you get too out of hand,” Bucky said dryly, joining in on the joke.

“I know, an absolute menace to society.”

“The worst.”

They smiled at each other, finding a soft comfort in their banter. It was not the kind of joke that brought you to audible laughter. Instead, it filled you with a warmth and fondness that stuck with you. The thought of it possessing the ability to make you smile for days, months, even years.

“What, um, what about you?” Emily asked, shifting her weight and leaning against the doorframe.

“Oh, well I’ve got midterm grading to do. I might meet up with Steve for a few beers.” Bucky didn’t actually have plans with Steve, but he found himself making up the detail on the spot. The need for his life to seem less boring taking over momentarily.

“Oh fun…so it looks like you liked them.” Emily pointed towards the plate of almost finished cookies on his desk.

“Yea, they’re delicious,” he complimented, watching as Emily chewed her bottom lip as her gaze focused on the plate of snickerdoodles. She appeared to be deep in thought, the contents of it becoming clear when a dusky blush began to spread across her cheeks.

Clearing her throat, she snapped out of her trance and pulled her eyes away from the plate of delicious treats, making an effort to look anywhere but him. Realization flooded through Bucky, his mind wandering back to their texts from the previous night. Apparently, the exchange hadn’t been as one sided as he thought. He hadn’t meant for the text to sound so sexual when he sent it. Truthfully, it was a case of mistype, having forgotten to tack on the ‘s’ at the end of the word cookies. It wasn’t until the text was sent that he realized his mistake and how it might be construed. He thought about sending a follow up text immediately to correct it, but something had stopped him. Some sick, depraved part of himself wanted to know how she’d react. Emily in a whole was an enigma. Ever since their truce, he’d tried to spot any hint of the confident, sexy, bold woman he’d met that night at the bar. Something to prove to himself that it was her raw sexual prowess and the memory of it that weakened his resolve. However, that version of her had since been seen again. Instead, in its place was a sweet, intelligent, and sarcastic woman. A little shy. A little quiet. Funny. He didn’t know how to justify that in his mind. How to justify his attraction to that version of her in his mind.

“Well, have a good weekend,” Emily said softly, disappearing from his doorway before Bucky even had the opportunity to respond.

He sighed, burying his head in his hands and taking a deep breath before raking his palms over the rough stubble on his cheeks. He needed a distraction. Something entirely graduate student free. His thoughts wandered to his lie about hanging out with Steve. Maybe that wasn’t such a bad idea.

Picking up his phone, he opened his recent call list. Mom. Mom. Mom. Sister. Steve. Clicking on Steve’s number, the phone rang.

“Hey Buck, what’s up?” Steve’s voice asked from the other end, the screams and shouts of little kids sounding from the background.

“Hey Stevie, I’m not bugging you at work, am I?”

“No, no. We’re on our second recess of the day. I’m monitoring. What’s up?” he asked again.

“Just wanted to see if you were free to grab dinner and a few beers tonight. There’s this place near my house I’ve been wanting to try,” Bucky said, leaning back in his chair.

“Yea—” Steve’s answer was cut short by a loud screech somewhere on his end “—Jackson, stop. Put that down!” Bucky heard Steve scold; his voice more distant as he spoke to the children around him. “Yea. That sounds good. Just text me the place and time and I’ll meet you ther—Martha, that’s not how we talk to our friends.”

Bucky laughed, accustomed to half conversations with Steve when he was at work.

“Alright punk. I’ll see you tonight.” He hung up, not bothering to wait for a response. He knew he wouldn’t get one. When Steve was around his kids, they dominated all of his attention. He lived for those kids, every one of them. Just looking at the impressive cut of Steven Grant Rogers, you’d never think that his life’s calling was wiping snotty noses and teaching the ABCs. But one conversation with the human embodiment of a basket of yarn, you very quickly realized that he wasn’t fit for much else. Allegedly, and while Bucky had seen the pictures he still wasn’t fully convinced, Steve used to be just a sprig of a thing. Barely over five feet tall and a buck twenty soaking wet. He had told Bucky years ago in college that he’d hit a growth spurt halfway through high school and taken up weightlifting to stop getting his ass handed to him every day. But secretly, he believed the real reason behind his impressive growth in mass was to be able to one day lift his entire kindergarten class with one arm. He’d personally seen his best friend hold up ten giggling five year old’s dangling from a single arm like little monkeys.

No, tonight would be good. An extra-large pizza split between them both and one too many beers was just what the doctor ordered. Maybe a game or two of pool if they had a table. If not, he would be perfectly content with bullshitting and talking about the old days. This was just what he needed to clear his mind of Emily.

Four hours later Bucky was walking through the side entrance to Goody’s still reeling from the conversation he’d had with his mother. She wanted him to come home for thanksgiving. He did not. Let the argument commence. He loved his mother. He really did. And he knew she meant well. He really did. But he also hated her inability to respect his boundaries. He really did.

As he entered the small pizza joint and bar, he was pleased to see a few decent and empty pool tables in the far corner. Spotting Steve already sitting down at a table, two beers and giant steaming pizza before him, Bucky headed towards him.

“Got here early so I ordered for you,” said Steve, standing up to pull Bucky into a brief hug. Bucky slapped a hand on his friends back before pulling back and looking down at the pizza. Extra-large meat lovers. Extra cheese.

“Aww darling, my favorite. You remembered,” Bucky teased, sitting down and taking a large sip of the lager. Setting his pint glass down, he reached forward and grabbed a piece of pizza, the cheese stretching with a perfectly melted consistency.

“Well you know, I wanted to try the alfredo pizza they had, but someone refuses to eat anything but the most testosterone filled, artery clogging pizza.”

Bucky shrugged, taking a large bite of his slice and speaking through the pizza as he chewed, “Hey man, why bother with anything but perfection?”

“Well I can’t argue with that logic,” laughed Steve, grabbing a slice himself.

“Oh, my mom wanted me to tell you that she got your card,” Bucky remarked, remembering his mother’s parting request right before he ended their call. Every year Steve sent out a card with a picture of him and his new group of kids to all his family, that list seemed to include his parents.

“Oh great! How is Winni?”

Bucky sighed, “She wants me to come home for thanksgiving. I told her I was spending thanksgiving with your family. By the way, can I come to thanksgiving?”

“Yea, you’re more than welcome Buck,” Steve laughed before taking on a more serious tone, “Are they all still on your case for moving?”

“Like you wouldn’t believe.” He rolled his eyes, taking another swig of his beer. “Mom figures I should have stayed after everything with Diane. But, fuck, the last thing I wanted to do was be closer to her and all those memories. Plus, her and my sister still baby me over the whole thing. I’m a grown man. I don’t need their coddling. It’s been almost a year and a half.”

“I get that. Took nearly two years for Mary and my mom to stop trying to take care of me after Peggy left me. Nearly lost my mind, but they finally got the memo that I was okay. Are you…okay that is?” Steve asked, leaning forward on the table, eyebrows raised in concern.

Bucky had to think for a moment. Was he okay? For months he had felt consumed by the emptiness Diane’s departure from his life had left. The world had felt so bleak. He held so much anger towards her. For leaving. For giving up the way that she did. But now, things felt different. He didn’t know when it had happened but waking up in the morning no longer felt like a chore.

“Yea, I think I am,” he answered truthfully, finding realization and catharsis in the statement.

“Good. Good, man. I’m really happy to hear that Buck.”

They shared a brief smile before Steve’s morphed into a mischievous glint, “So does that mean you’re ready to get back out there?”

Bucky snorted, shaking his head, “Let’s just take this one step at a time, alright pal? But speaking of dating, how are things going with you and Natasha?”

Bucky watched as the smile on Steve’s face widened, the tips of his ears turning bright red.

“You dog. That good?”

“Better. I uh…yea. Definitely better.”

Bucky laughed, taking another bite of pizza. Well, at least one of them was getting laid. He was happy for Steve. Even during his entire relationship with Peggy he’d never seen him so smitten.

“There she is!” A chorus of cheers and greetings flowed through the air from the bar behind him. Bucky didn’t think much of it until he heard the sound of a familiar voice.

“I know. I know. Maria had me in the basement doing inventory.”

Turning in his chair, Bucky was surprised to see Emily, standing behind the bar, chit-chatting with a group of older men and women. So much for a night free of his graduate student.

“Where have you been girl? We haven’t seen you in forever!” asked the patron near the end – an older woman with greying hair and kind eyes.

“I know. I’m sorry! My day job has been kicking my butt lately. But, it will all be worth it once I graduate,” Emily laughed, leaning against the bar top.

Bucky watched her as she interacted with the group. She seemed comfortable. At ease. The group must be regulars.

A throat clearing pulled him away from Emily and back to Steve, who looked at him smugly, “I could use another beer. Why don’t you run up to the bar and grab me one Buck?”

Bucky nodded, downing the rest of his and standing, “I’ll be back in a sec.”

“Uh huh, sure. Take your time man.”

Walking up to the bar, Bucky watched as Emily’s gaze passed over him and then doubled back, a smile spreading across her face.

“I guess you weren’t lying when you told me you were a bartender,” he said, setting his and Steve’s empty glasses down on the bar top. Emily raised an eyebrow, leaning forward on her elbows.

“Half-truth Dr. Barnes. Graduate student most of the time. Bartender sometimes.”

“I don’t suppose the sometimes you’re a bartender, you could call me Bucky?”

Emily breathed deeply, scrutinizing him through squinted eyes, “No, I don’t think I can.”

“Oh, come on. I don’t have any leverage as your advisor for you to change your mind?” Bucky asked mischievously.

“That sounds an awful lot like abuse of power Dr. Barnes—" Emily replied, a similar mischievous glint in her eye “—Now, what can I get you?”

“What do you recommend?”

“Can’t go wrong with a Caribou Slabber,” Emily stated resolutely, grabbing two pint glasses from the shelves behind her.

“Alright, I’ll take your word for it. Two of those and uh, two waters.” Bucky pulled his wallet from his pocket and leaned against the bar, rubbing at the rough stubble on his cheeks as Emily poured his beers. Emily laughed, a small light thing.

“What?” asked Bucky.

“Watta,” Emily repeated, imitating his accent crudely.

“It’s not that thick,” Bucky defended himself good naturedly.

“Whatever you say Brooklyn.”

Bucky laughed, the sound of the nickname rolling off her tongue made something tug in his chest. Shaking it off, he pulled out some cash and placed thirty dollars on the bar top in exchange for their drinks.

“Keep the change.”

“Thanks,” said Emily, “Say hi to Steve for me. Let me know if I can get anything else for you.”

A few hours later Bucky found himself in an aggressive game of one-pocket. Many hours spent in their dorm hall rec room had resulted in their shared skill at pool and they had a bad habit of getting a little competitive.

“Is that the best you can do?” Steve taunted when Bucky made his second scratch of the night.

Bucky sighed, standing up straight and taking a large gulp of Caribou Slabber. She really did have good taste in beer. “Shut up punk. I taught you how to play. Remember?”

“And now, the student has surpassed the teacher—” Steve shrugged, watching as Bucky eyes diverted towards the bar for the hundredth time that night “—okay. What’s going on?”

“What?” Bucky asked, feigning innocence and stupidity.

“Oh please. You can’t stop looking over at her. Is there something going on?”

“What? Don’t be ridiculous. Of course not. She’s not even over there right now!” Bucky scoffed.

Steve rolled his eyes, letting out a curt mhmm. Bucky knew he didn’t believe him. He was no stranger to Steve’s ‘I know best and you know nothing’ look. But he was telling the truth. Nothing was going on between him and Emily.

“Whatever. Believe me. Don’t believe me. I’m going to take a piss—” he propped his pool stick against the side of the table “—and if I come back and you’ve moved any of those balls, I’m coming for you punk. Don’t even try it! I’ve got that table memorized!” Bucky called out behind him and he headed towards the back of the bar where the restrooms were located.

Rounding the corner, he was stopped abruptly by the sight of Emily with some guy. Crowding her space, the man stood only a few inches above her looking frustrated. Emily’s posture was closed off, her arms crossed in front of her looking away from him and at the doors to the restrooms. He should have turned away. It was none of his business. But something kept him planted in the stop, moving forward a few inches to listen in.

“See, this is what I’m talking about Em! You won’t open up to me. You never would! I mean, I mess up once and now you won’t even talk to me.” Interesting.

“Mess up? Mess up? Clint, you did the one thing, the one thing, I explicitly told you not to do!”

“I know. I know. But I promise it will never happen again. Just give me a chance! Couples get past this sort of thing all the time,” Clint pleaded, placing a hand on her arm that Emily promptly shrugged off.

“I can’t Clint. I told you how important faithfulness and honesty were to me. I made that explicitly clear at the beginning of our relationship and you agreed. You agreed and you still slept with Sharon! I mean, how long has it been going on?”

The man was quiet. Bucky’s stomach dropped. He should walk away. He should really walk away.

“How long Clint?” Emily asked again, this time her voice a little weaker.

“A year and a half.” Bucky might not have been sure he had heard the answer correctly if it wasn’t for Emily’s boisterous reaction.

“A year and a half?! Are you kidding me Clint? Almost our entire relationship? God. I can’t even look at you.” Emily turned to walk away, but Clint caught her by her forearm, yanking her back and against the wall. “Ow!”

“Em don’t walk away. Listen to me! I can explain!”

“Let go of me Clint,” Emily said through gritted teeth.

“No, not until you listen to what I have to say,” Clint responded, desperation and anger evident in his voice.

Bucky, no longer able to watch the exchange, stepped forward, “Hey, back the fuck off man. She told you to let go.”

The coupled looked towards him as he stalked down the hallway, anger seething through him. Who the hell did this guy think he was?

“Listen buddy, this isn’t any of your business,” said Clint in annoyance.

“Like hell it is—” Bucky grabbed Clint by the shoulder and pulled him away from Emily, before turning to her “—are you okay Emily?”

“You really don’t have to do this,” Emily said to Bucky. But the way her posture relaxed, and her arms opened from around her body said differently. She was relieved he had stepped in.

“Do you know this guy Em?” Clint asked, stepping forward.

Bucky swept around, placing himself between Emily and Clint. He towered over the man, using both his height and size to intimidate. Though, he reckoned the flaming, red-hot rage in his eyes would be enough to send him running. He was seething. Every ounce of his self-control kept him from absolutely clobbering the douchebag.

“Just go Clint!” Emily called over Bucky’s shoulder.

Clint laughed, no humor found in his expression or tone, “Are you fucking this guy Em? Is that why you won’t talk to me? Already slutting around?”

Bucky wanted to punch him. Bucky almost punched him. But the soft touch of Emily’s hand on his bicep kept him in check. Turning his head, he caught the desperate plea in her eyes and knew that beating this guy to a pile of mush would be the wrong thing to do. So instead, he took slow and calculated steps towards him until Clint was pressed against the wall opposite them. Bucky watched as the cockiness quickly melted from his face and in its place, fear resided. Jabbing a large finger into his chest, Bucky spoke low and menacingly.

“If I ever see you lay another hand on her, I will personally make sure you regret it. I will not hesitate to kick the ever loving shit out of you. Do I make myself clear?”

Clint nodded frantically, eyes shifting from Bucky and the exit.

“Now, I never want to see you around her or this place ever again. Got it?”

“Yea man, I get it! Just let me go,” Clint pleaded.

“Everything alright here?” Steve’s voice sounded from the hallway entrance.

“Yea. Clint here was just leaving. Mind walking him to the door?”

Steve took a moment to assess the situation behind speaking in a casual tone, “Not at all. Come on Clint.”

Clint’s eyes seemed to go wide when he took in the even more massive man. Steve clasped a hand on Clint’s shoulder and guided him out of sight. Letting out a long breath, Bucky closed his eyes and counted to ten, calming himself before turning back to Emily.

“Are you okay?” Bucky asked, taking a moment to scan his eyes over her.

Emily nodded, biting her lower lip and leaning against the wall behind her.

“No, you’re not. Do you need me to wait for you to get off and walk you home?” Bucky asked, lifting her right arm up to look at it more closely. No bruises. Yet.

“I’m, uh, I’m actually already off. I was headed out of the bathroom when he cornered me,” Emily said, rubbing at her face.

“Okay, let’s get you home then. Come on.”

Bucky and Emily left Goody’s after he explained everything to Steve. His best friend didn’t seem upset about cutting their night short at all. Instead, he told them to make it home safely and that he also made sure Clint would not be coming around any time soon. They walked in silence, the only thing keeping the darkened street alight, the soft yellow lights of streetlamps and porchlights. The walk was very reminiscent of the last time they had found themselves walking the streets of Pocatello late in the evening. The only thing different this time was the lack of Trixie by their side and Bucky’s arm slung over her shoulders protectively. She needed someone to take care of her in that moment. He knew solely from the fact that instead of shying away from his touch, she leaned into it all the way to her apartment.

She hadn’t been lying when she’d said she lived close to him. Her complex was only about a half mile from his house. The manufactured building held no personality, the white siding and grey trim creating uniform replications of the same apartments. However, Emily knew exactly where she was going, leading him towards her apartment with a practiced ease. When she unlocked her front door, she walked right in, leaving the door open. Bucky took this as an invitation to follow her. When he stepped into her place, he found it to be surprisingly lacking in any sentimentality. In fact, it looked half empty. No pictures hung on the walls. No nick-knacks or keep sakes. Just furniture and the odd piece of decoration. It was messy, but not too messy. The small dining room table was clear, but the coffee table held notebooks, pens, and her laptop. A pile of blankets and pillows sat on the single couch in the living room.

As if sensing where his gaze was focused, Emily spoke over her shoulder as she disappeared into a back hall, “You can have a seat on the couch. Just shove the blankets out of the way. I’ll be right back.”

Bucky made his way to the couch, picking up the patchwork quilt. The fabric was soft in his hand, the cotton material aged in just the right way. The individual squares were neat and colorful and held a warmth that Bucky only felt as a child when he visited his grandparents’ house. The intimacy of the quilt overwhelmed him. It was too personal. The situation felt too personal. He shouldn’t be there.

Just as he made to drop the quilt and walk towards the door, Emily reemerged donning a pair of sweats and fuzzy socks.

“Hi,” Bucky said, his mouth dry. Something about seeing her like this, looking so small and vulnerable, felt both wrong and horribly right.

“Hi,” Emily responded, walking towards him and giving a quizzical look at the quilt and then him.

“Oh, I was just admiring it. It’s really beautiful, the quilt I mean.”

Emily pulled it from his hands, hugging it to her chest as she sat down on the couch, “Thanks. It was my grandma’s.”

There was a long pause, a heavy weight filling the space between them.

“Do you wanna’ talk about it?” he asked.

There was a long pause as Emily tried to decide whether she wanted to discuss the events that had occurred that night. Bucky waited with bated breath. Then, with a deep sigh, Emily began to talk.

“We met the summer before the second year of my PhD. Mutual acquaintances. Department barbeque. He seemed nice. We moved in together after a year. And then a year later, a month and half ago to be exact, I found him in our bed with his lab mate, Sharon.” Emily picked at the quilt in her lap and brought her feet up onto the couch, turning towards him. “I kicked him out the same day. Haven’t spoken to him till tonight.”

Bucky was quiet, opting to simply allow her to tuck her feet below his thigh and listen.

“At first, I was upset, but as time’s gone on, I’m realizing that I probably wasn’t upset for the right reason. I felt hurt. But not because I loved him. I should have loved him. I think. We were together for so long. We lived together. But…” She laughed. “I don’t know why I’m telling you all of this. I don’t usually…Nat says I like to bottle things up and make bad jokes at my own expense. I don’t—I don’t usually…”

Bucky found himself reaching out and placing a hand over hers. He had no idea why she felt comfortable enough to open up to him, but he was touched that she did.

“What a dick. Doesn’t matter if you loved him or not. Or if he loved you or not. You made an agreement and he broke that. It’s no one’s fault but his own. You deserve a lot better than that guy, trust me.” The words he spoke were true. She did deserve a lot better.

Emily turned her hand over, her fingertips brushing against the palm of his hands. The touch sent his pulse racing. A burning fire igniting beneath the surface of his skin everywhere her fingers brushed.

“Thank you, Dr. Barnes,” breathed Emily. Her eyes focused on the movement of her hand and Bucky’s in turn as he moved his hand in sync with hers. Fingertips to fingertips. A ghostly touch.

Bucky chuckled lightly, “Are you ever going to call me Bucky?”

“No,” Emily responded, a small smirk on her face.

“So just Dr. Barnes forever?”

She was quiet, a pensive look on her face as she ceased the dance of their hands and threaded her fingers through his.

“How about James?” she asked.

Bucky’s heart clenched. A hand wrapped around it tightly, squeezing and squeezing. The sound of his name, his given name, slipping past her lips and rolling off the tip of her tongue caused a visceral reaction within him. The front of his jeans tightened, and arousal shuddered through his body.

“Say it again,” he commanded, voice gravely with need.

He heard the sound of Emily’s breath catching in her throat before a soft “James” passed her lips. Hand still gripping hers tightly, he used it to pull her forward and onto his lap. Eyes wide with surprise, her chest heaved, and body trembled as she braced her hands on his shoulders.

“Again.”

“James.”

They leaned towards each other, noses touching and lips a whisper apart. The hot, heavy mix of their breaths shared between them. He should stop. He was no longer crossing a line of propriety in mind. He was crossing a real line. Everything told him to stop. The voice in the back of his head was a distant scream that shouted: ‘She’s your student’, ‘You’re her advisor’, ‘It’s inappropriate’, ‘It’s a liability to your position’, ‘What about Diane?’. But with the feel of her hips in his hands and her hair tickling his face as she leaned over him the voice moved farther and farther into the recesses of him mind.

“Again.”

“Ja—”

Emily was cut off by the shrill ring of a phone in the kitchen. They both jumped, pulling away from each other as if the phone itself caught them in the middle of a nefarious act. Bucky released her waist, his hands falling to his sides as Emily stood and ran to the kitchen.

“Hello? Nat, hey. What’s up?” Emily’s voice lilted from the kitchen, breathy with a small hint of panic. “Yea, I’m fine. I just got home a few minutes ago.”

Bucky stood, removing the quilt that had made its way onto his lap and folded it, before gently placing it back on the couch.

“Oh, Steve told you what happened?”

He sighed, looking around the living room and then back towards the kitchen before making his way towards the front door. Quietly, he exited the apartment, closing the door behind him. The chilly bite of the late night air sank through to his bones as he walked home, trying to make sense of what just happened. By the time he made it to his front door he still didn’t know if he should thank Natasha or advise Steve to break up with her. But one thing was definitely clear, he had crossed a line and there was no going back.

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simplelittlebrowngirljae · 4 years

Text

What being a black student at a PWI taught me

I grew up in working class family. My father was in the military and my mother was a civil servant. Neither had went to college, but they did have job training. My sister was a first generation college student of our immediate household, although I had an aunt who had her PhD and her daughter had gone to college and had her Master’s and was officer in the Air Force, we didn’t speak much about college in my family until it was time for my sister to graduate. I went along on college tours, financial aid nights and many other things associated with getting ready for the college experience. It was very exciting to see what this was all about because this was not anything we had ever experienced. My mother became ultra-educated and an advocate for my sister and wanted to get the most for our dollar and the best experience possible for my sister’s college years. My sister ultimately landed on attending Norfolk State University, and urban Historically Black College and University or HBCU for short. She also received a prestigious scholarship. When the time came, we dropped her off the short 30 minute drive and wished her well. She came home virtually every weekend or we went over there to attend events and football games and I got to see what it was like to be in college too. And I learned what things I wanted in a school and started to think about if I even wanted to attend college.

College was a foreign concept because many of my peers came from these legacies of college graduates from specific schools and that is all the spoke about, even when I was in middle school. They pretty much already knew where they were going because their parents graduated from a specific school, and their grandparents graduated from there and their great grandparents graduated as well. I was not so lucky and had to do so much research about degree programs and campuses and what I actually wanted in a school because well, college just didn’t run in my family like that. While yes my sister went to college, and I had an aunt and a cousin who attended school, we just didn’t openly discuss life after high school except that you had 3 options: get a job, go to school or join the military. I knew I couldn’t join the military because I was flat footed and had asthma so it was get a job or go to school. If I wanted any type of future, I was told going to school was the path I should take. So I started exploring colleges and then I took the SAT’s and ACT’s and school brochures started flooding my mailbox. I started making a list of schools I wanted to see because of what they offered. I attended local alumni events of schools to chat with past students and get a feel if that school could be for me.

The summer before my senior year I took a road trip to visit several schools in South Carolina and North Carolina. I loved them but then my mom broke my heart and told me if I go too far away from home I wouldn’t be able to come home like I want. So I started to factor distance into my choices. As my senior year began, I started looking at schools close to home and there was one school in particular that was just AMAZING and I fell in love with. Virginia Commonwealth University (VCU) was just different. It was in an urban setting and just yelled ‘’Hello Opportunities”. I went to the campus many times, worked hard and applied. I received acceptance letters from so many schools and waited anxiously for my decision from VCU. The day it came I was beyond elated I almost hit the roof! I was ready to start this next chapter of my life.

Now, I applied to a variety of schools, to include HBCUs and PWIs or Predominantly White Institutions. I didn’t even think about if a school was an HBCU or a PWI. I just applied based on how their programs ranked. I wanted a good education. And honestly when counselors were working with us, that did not even come up and my counselor was black and graduated from an HBCU. So why does it matter? I will tell you why. In this day in age, it is almost as if you are judged about your blackness by where you went to college or the things you did while in college. HBCUs do provide a very unique experience and are the pillar of the black community, I will say that. There is a magic and wonder that is unparalleled, especially at their sporting events and homecomings. I will say I did not have that where I attended college. And HBCUs were there when White schools would not allow us to attend. I respect them. However, it was not for me. I visited several and did not feel at home. When I walked on VCU’s campus I felt at home. And that is why I chose to attend. But because I chose to attend a PWI does not mean I do not support HBCUs. I 100% do. And because I did not attend an HBCU does not mean I am any less of a black person. I am still very black, please remember that. I have been made fun of and criticized for my choices, or told I am not really black because I went to a PWI and didn’t pledge as well ( meaning join a black sorority during my time there. That is not true either. Newsflash: you can attend a PWI and be black and not join a sorority or fraternity and maintain your blackness. My choice to attend was to grow myself and learn things and well, all of that happened. Let me share what I learned during my 4 years there:

1. I can hold a diverse conversation- While at VCU, I came across some unique individuals. And for that reason I have had to adapt and adjust my conversations and ways of talking to many situations. I am grateful to have been in an environment that allowed to experience such because it has made me more aware of the population I am engaging with and tune into sensitive to topics of conversation, in addition forcing me listen to understand and not just respond.

2. I am very cultured – VCU is one the most diverse schools in the world. We actually have a campus in Qatar! We have so many countries represented it is just overwhelming! I remember checking into my dorm and seeing people from India, Ethiopia, Pakistan, Laos, Israel, Nigeria, Puerto Rico among other countries and it just blew my mind. Where I am from, we had some diversity, but nothing as rich as this! With so many diverse cultures I learned about different traditions, their food and other great things. Around campus we had food from these different cultures as well. I remember tasting Indian food for the first time, and then Thai and then Venezuelan. It was like “whooooaaa… what have I been missing my whole life?!?!”

3. I know how to network- now, not saying I would not learn this at an HBCU but I had many an opportunity to attend so many events at the State Capital and with other officials which has made me learn to network and engage with others. These opportunities have been unparalleled and I am beyond grateful to have attended this institution and to have had mentors who worked hard to present these opportunities to us students.

4. I have refined my public speaking skills- this is self-explanatory. I had to give umpteenth presentations and take God knows how many classes on public speaking, but I am thankful for the rigorous curriculum that was provided to me that made me refine these skills. With my public speaking skills also came great research skills so I am grateful for that as well.

5. I learned about topics I would have never imagined to include veganism, Islam, Celiac’s disease, and various holidays- this is pretty self-explanatory. Being around so much diversity and around many unique persons allowed me to learn about many different things. So many things I had not been exposed to and I was beyond thankful to have been in an environment to learn, experience and understand.

6. I met my best friend who is from a totally different county and culture than myself- my best friend is form Sudan and is Muslim. She has taught me so much it’s unreal. Like I learned about different foods, about Africa, about Islam, the Quran, and not just learned about these things but have developed a strong respect from African culture and Islamic culture. She is one of the best things to happen to me and I swear I learn so many things from her every day…yes you read that correctly, I learn something new daily from her.

7. I was presented with many opportunities to travel and participate in conferences and events- many of my professors belonged to many organizations and would speak at many conferences, they would have spaces available to take us to conferences with them and we would get credit for it! So I was able to travel to several conferences and meet amazing people and learn about various career paths and how to integrate what we were learning into the real world. All of that was invaluable.

8. I learned it is okay to ask for help – this was a big one. I found myself in many a situation where things were not going as planned and I was epically failing. And my pride would not let me ask for help. But then things got so bad to where I had no choice. The crazy thing is, I should have asked for help sooner because I would have been better off. Like, those who were providing the help were more than kind and more than gracious and wanted to help. So the moral of the situation, don’t let your pride stand in the way of you getting what you need.

9. I learned that therapy is great and not a bad thing- in Black culture, therapy is shunned. And we often suffer in silence. I was very stressed out one semester and it came out as anger. So I went to the Student Counseling Center and go help. It was the best thing I ever did. At VCU, they publicize and encourage students to use counseling services. It is a beautiful thing. Never feel ashamed of needing therapy. It is there to help you, not harm you.

10. I learned a lot about poverty and its effect on communities and America- VCU is an urban campus. The downfall of that is that there is a large homeless population that roams around the campus. Many of these persons have mental illness, and in a few of my courses we learned about whey people are homeless and how the resources for those with mental illness are almost nonexistent once they are discharged from inpatient care. We also learned how community mental health is a joke as well and many families often disown their family members who have mental illness because it becomes too much. We also learned that there are some homeless people who are actually not homeless and who have a lot of money and who just sit on the corner asking for money for fun. It was quite interesting to learn about such. On the flip side of all that we learned about the ‘working poor’ which are folks who may be working and barely providing for themselves but they live in substandard housing but cannot afford much else. We learned about the implications of such on public health and it taught me so much and guided my whole career essentially. Because of where VCU is located we actually got hands on service learning in such topics and it made our education worthwhile.

11. I learned about drugs, alcohol, their distribution and economic impact in society – so many men would hang out on campus during the day trying to pick up women. And the sad part is, many were drug dealers and these young innocent girls did not know. After a while one would pick up on such, however we wouldn’t engage them to the point of a relationship. I would say I would engage theme enough to learn about drugs, and how they system worked and that was enough. Ladies, just know everything that glitters isn’t gold and you should respect yourself enough to walk away from situations. Know better, do better.

12. I learned that self-care is imperative – we all take on so many things and it can get overwhelming. I learned in my 4 years it is essential to take breaks and set boundaries in order to protect your peace. People may get mad but you cannot pour from an empty bucket.

13. I learned it is okay to not have it all figured out- college is supposed to be the best time of your life. However, as you get closer to graduation things get a bit scary. And there are some people who expect you to have it figured out. Well guess what, it is okay to not have it figured out. VCU had a great internship program and Career Services department. And it was mandatory for me to have a 700 hours of an internship to graduate and go to the Career Center 3 times before I graduated. I learned that it was okay not to have a concrete plan during these times. I learned that sometimes the plan you had will change direction because of circumstances. And that made me feel great.

14. I learned to hold my own- because there were so many races and cultures, I had to hold my own. I had to ensure my voice was heard among the other while still portraying a positive image. I broke stereotypes and learned to outshine others. I learned to be loud without saying a word. Sometimes I was the only black female in a class but I learned to be comfortable with that and how to contribute in my own way. I learned from my professors who looked like me and who didnt look like me and it made me a stronger woman...it molded me to be the woman I am today.

15. I became comfortable in my own skin- this is the biggest lesson I learned. I have always been judged for how I look and how I talk. I have been called white girl, told I talk white criticized for how I dress among many other things. But being in this unique setting at VCU taught me it was okay to be me. There was nothing wrong with how I dressed or spoke or the music I listened to or any of that. I am fearfully and wonderfully made and all of these things make me who I am. I am no blacker because of my likes and dislikes or how I talk or because of my hobbies. And that alone is worth gold.

Now, am I saying that I could have only learned these lessons at a PWI? No. But I know that my experiences at my school made me who I am and even made me more comfortable in being a black female in today’s world. I feel more prepared to handle certain situations because of my situations which caused me to learn certain things. My experience was amazing. Now, if giving advice to a young black student trying to choose I would tell them this: explore your options, do your research, pick the school that feels most comfortable to you. It can be an HBCU or a PWI. But don’t ever think that going to a PWI makes you less black. You are black regardless of your choice.

#awareness #hbcu #pwi #educated #melaninated #blackgirlmagic #melaninmagic

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elinaline · 4 years

Text

Got tagged by @mixmio thanks ! my brain does not want to focus on work these days so perfect

1. What is the colour of your hairbrush?

it’s like. black. I rarely use it though, because if I brush my hair it looks like a bomb exploded on my head fdjkfh so I untangle it after putting in conditioner and usually I just fight it with my bare hands in the morning

2. name of a food you never eat?

cucumber. fuck that vegetable it’s disgusting way too smelly and the texture is fucking horrible

3. are you typically too warm or too cold?

too warm !!!!!! and it’s only gonna get worse (: woohoo

4. what were you doing 45 minutes ago?

I was being anxious lmao, and weirdly emotional because of that playlist spotify gave me. Also thinking about how to formulate the things I want on my report for my precedent internship that I still need to conclude.

5. what’s your favourite candy bar?

is it twix ? is it mars ? I never know the difference carambar good also

6. have you ever been to a professional sports event?

I used to be in the official orchestra of a professional rugby team so I’ve been to a few dozens official sports events actually !! I’ll always remember the patrouille the France oing over our head as we were playing for a France-Ireland match in Bordeaux, that was amazing, and Irish rugby fans are so fun :)

7. what is the last thing you said out loud?

“oh it’s bubbling up !” talking about a cake I’m trying to do with sourdough starter

8. what is your favourite ice cream?

fucking uuuhhhhh blueberry ? there’s no better ice cream taste than one made from wild blueberries that you went out in the moutain to pick with your family after noticing a good spot during a hike :3

9. what is the last thing you had to drink?

orange juice 5mins ago

10. do you like your wallet?

yeah ? it’s convenient I.... it’s got lots of pockets ? idk it’s sturdy wh. that’s a weird question actually

11. what was the last thing you ate?

lunch made by my roommate ! also a bit of the paste from aforementioned cake lol

12. did you buy any new clothes last week?

no I don’t intend on buying new clothes until a loooonnnngggg time I don’t particularly need any plus like. quarantine lol.

13. last sporting event you watched?

uh.

the. no wait ? no that’s it probably bits of the tour de france last summer ?

14. what’s your favourite flavour of popcorn?

there are different flavors between salt and sugar ???????????? anyways salted popcorn is absolutely disgusting so. sugar. there are different flavors ? what a wild world we live in

15. who was the last person you sent a message to?

@breadstyx I was talking to them about the cake

16. ever go camping?

rarely

we were supposed to go camping this weekend, since it’s a long one what with May 8, with my class as sort of like one last big event altogether but :) fuck us I guess lol

17. do you take vitamins?

I used to in highschool bc I had toxoplasmosis and it fucking drained me. I’ve also taken some magnesium complements this year because I had vertigo caused by stress because it was such a nice year for me (: (: (:

18. do you go to church every Sunday?

LMAOOOOO NO

19. do you have a tan?

I’ve been stuck inside for the last two months and there is basically no direct sun in my apartment. so. I’m white as fuck rn

I’ll get SO sunburnt as soon as I can go outside lol but catch me rolling in the grass as soon as they reopen the parks, I haven’t seen grass in 52 days fuck off. Like knowing we’d get out of quarantine but that the parks would still be closed for a while did a funny number on my mental health hahaaaa

20. do you prefer Chinese food or pizza?

I’m not a big Chinese food fan generally :/ also what kind of pizza are we talking about ?

21. do you drink soda with a straw?

before I answer this question I need to know what you define as soda because I’ve never understood what non French people meant by that. also generally I don’t use straws apart for like milkshakes and smoothies

22. what colour socks do you wear?

right now I’m barefoot

23. do you ever drive above the speed limit?

I haven’t driven in years my guy fdkfh but usually no I’m exactly at the speed limit I’m terrified of driving and I hate it SO

24. what terrifies you?

like, right now, or ? in general ? I’m terrified of every countries around slowly turning into authoritarian regimes and not being able to do shit, I’m terrified of the general mistrust towards science I can see in the general public, I’m terrified of the rise of fascism, I’m terrified of climate change in a very short term idea because I can’t bear many more summers above 45°C and in the long term because I’d like today’s kids to have a future, I’m terrified of never being enough and not getting a PhD funding, I’m terrified people will get bored of me or think I’m not useful anymore and leave me and I’d have to rebuild myself from zero again, I’m terrified of the general idea of losing control, I’m terrified of big empty spaces, I’m terrified of causing harm of any kind without being able to control or reduce it. You know the usual dose of existential fear and then some, and then some more for good measure haha :)

25. look to your left what do you see?

a calendar

26. what chore do you hate?

doing the dishes and getting the bin out because it hurts my back

27. what do you think of when you hear an Australian accent?

":)” loved going to Melbourne would love to go back I miss my friend there

28. what’s your favourite soda?

seriously define soda first. If you mean drink with bubble I don’t like any of them basically. If you mean processed drink with an average of five sugar cubes per can I’d say Oasis ? or Ice Tea

29. do you go into fast food places or drive thru?

never been to a drive through. fast foods yeah ! there used to be a Declercq (it’s like belgian fries, v good, v greasy, perfect for a friday night with friends) near my school but they had an oil fire so it burned down :( so now the alternative for greasy fries is BK

30. who was the last person you talked to?

@breadstyx whom I sent a message to about the cake. IRL I live with my roommate so.

t31. favourite cut of beef?

one that’s tender ? you think I know perfectly which cut is what and not that I don’t buy the cheapest one when I feel like polluting a lot with what I eat ?

32. last song you listened to?

I’m currently listening to a spotify playlist. I’s currently playing hang on

Willow tree by twin wild i’ve never heard of these guys but ok

33. last book you read?

oh fuck I’m in a “unable to read” period lmao. Probably one of the October Daye series uh. The one where her mom comes to steal her fiance and her twin

34. can you say the alphabet backwards?

zyxwvutsrqponmlkjihfedcba

took a while but I think it’s correct ? It’s like. I know sequences that are easy to invert and I need to link them together that’s the tricky part

35. how do you like your coffee?

black

36. favourite pair of shoes?

Before I bought my docks I had those huge bulgy shoes that I loved because no one could step on my feet in the metro, but the insole started caving in in a weird way and it hurt my ankle so I had to stop wearing them :(

37. the time you normally go to bed?

(: NORMALLY around midnight, but rn it’s more like. between 1 and 2 am when I’m not too bad

38. the time you normally wake up?

NORMALLY around 8 but I’ve decided 9.30 would be good, and I usually am able to get up only by 10am

39. what do you prefer sunrise or sunsets?

I’m usually not awake for sunrises but both are good. I like the hour JUST after sunset best because it’s like. you can see daysky on one side and nightsky on the other, and everything is sort of blue or sort of orange

40. how many blankets are on your bed?

one

41. describe your kitchen plates?

they’re round and kinda concave so that food doesn’t get out ? I? do you have many weird questions like that

42. do you have a favourite alcoholic beverage?

I’m a sucker for a good piña colada but it’s hard to get them exactly right, like the balance between too sweet and too creamy is subtle

43. do you play cards?

in highschool I used to but I’ve forgotten all the game we’d do

44. what colour is your car?

don’t have one

45. can you change a tire?

lmao

46. your favourite province?

If we’re talking french region, Aquitaine is the closest I’ve ever felt to being home I guess ? I love the Pyrenées as well, all three old regions I don’t know the new ones fdfsdhfsdf

47. favourite job you’ve had?

I’ve only ever done summer camp counselor as a summer job, and I’ve had both a traumatising experience filled with sexual harassment and a really good experience that helpes me get more self confident so.

48. how did you get your biggest scar?

it’s not really a scar it’s a bump on my head that never left, I hit my brother in the garden pool at full speed when I was 7

49. what did you do today that made someone happy?

afaik nothing but I’m about to put this cake to bake SO

I am tagging uuuuuuuuuhhh say @sunny-day-sky andddd @queerlynx but like. don’t feel pressured to do it, it’s a Lot

#tag game #long post

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