...🤧

god. re-reading tvl for the first time since before the pandemic and it’s got me in my feels WAY more than expected. fucking rude.

Did you know I’ve probably cried like a dozen times from BATFAMILY fic over the last two weeks? I’m not a big cryer, so that’s saying something for me, by which I mean, I realize I have some incredibly intense feelings about fictional characters, but also fandom is phenomenal about hitting those feelings dead on in exactly the way they mean to do. And it’s great, hell yeah make me cry buckets in emotional catharsis!! And then balance it out with comfort or humor because my soul needs soothing, too! I have been reading so many comics lately (so many good comics, what is this, I’m not used to having comics I actually think are good) and I love the canon so very much, but part of the draw towards this fandom has always been the enthusiastic fic response, the willingness to explore things the comics themselves don’t always have time for, whether aftermath of events or psychological effects that aren’t necessarily intended but are fascinating to consider or just straight up downtime that’s not about a case because fic doesn’t need to make people punch things in every issue. The two go hand in hand for me and getting fun comics to read and fun fic to read has been really meaningful to me in a time when I’ve really needed that in my life. I hope that I can return the favor even a little by shoving a bunch of fics at you and only making you scroll a little to get through my Dick Grayson Problem. BATFAM FIC RECS - BABY DICK IS THE CUTEST FERAL ROBIN I’M NOT HEARING ANY ARGUMENTS: ✦ May Our Memories Light The Way by sElkieNight60, dick & bruce, time travel, 1.9k      Bruce travels into the past and serves up an apology long over-due. ✦ Late Spring by halyordan, dick & bruce & alfred, 3.5k      Dick gets in his first ‘fight’ at school. Luckily, Bruce was an angry boy once. He knows how to deal with it. ✦ the color violet by TheResurrectionist, dick & bruce & cast, 2.6k      The address – 1007 Mountain Drive – told Alex two things: one, their patient was either going to be someone unreasonably wealthy or an unlucky service worker, and two, getting to the actual patient was going to be a bitch. ✦ as i was walkin’ by oh_fudgecakes, dick & bruce & alfred, 3.6k      Bored and chased out of the kitchen by an irate Alfred, a young Dick Grayson falls through a loose floorboard while exploring the attic and ends up in an locked storeroom housing an interesting set of journals. ✦ help me fill this hole in my soul by renecdote, dick & bruce & cast, 5.9k      Dick nearly drowns on patrol one night. He’s fine, except that he really isn’t. Alfred and Bruce take care of him when he gets sick and let him know that even though his parents are gone he isn’t alone. ✦ medio by newsical, dick & bruce & alfred, 2.1k      Loss, again. This loss was by his hand, by his own tongue, with words so sharply edged that they tore apart his mouth and left his lips bloody. The manor was silent, and he was alone. And Alfred’s half birthday was in three days. ✦ My Little Bird (is a Troublemaker) by sElkieNight60, dick & bruce & clark & cast, 10.9k      No, not good enough, thought Bruce as he gripped the boy’s shoulders in his hands. Dick still didn’t move and the man had to resist the violent urge to shake the answer out of him. This wasn’t his little bird. This wasn’t his Robin, he would never do something like this. Dick gets caught drunk, Bruce loses it. ✦ things kept hidden by emavee, dick & bruce & cast, 9.7k      “Better hope the Batman doesn’t catch wind of you. Batman hates metas. He’ll make you disappear. That’s what he does.” “But I’d never hurt anyone,” Dick stammers. He doesn’t know very much about Batman, but he’s a hero, right? He fought crime, like Superman, and Superman was a hero. Right? ✦ (Not) Enough by daringyounggrayson, dick & bruce & alfred, 2.3k      After the training simulation goes wrong, Bruce takes his kid home. ✦ i can’t promise (it’s not written in the stars) by konan_konan, dick & bruce & alfred & cast, 7.3k      Batman is following him, surely, but he’s smaller and faster and he’s not going to let someone take him and lock him up again. Wayne Manor, he’s learned, is just another kind of prison. It may be big and fancy but it is also empty and cold and he’s not going back. Tony Zucco dies tonight, he tells himself. It is the only thing that matters. ✦ what’s needed most by dizarys, dick & bruce & alfred, 1k      Dick wants to fly. Bruce would like that to not involve giving him a heart attack for once. ✦ two sheep counted, but not enough to sleep by batofgoodintent (crownedcrusader), dick & bruce, 1.8k      Dick hasn’t been sleeping. It’s a problem Bruce should have addressed by now. BATFAM FIC RECS - ADULT BATSON AND BATDAD ARE MY KRYPTONITE, I FOLD LIKE WET CARDBOARD FOR THEM: ��� (At the Very Least), I Can by sElkieNight60, bruce & dick & jason & tim & damian, 3k      “… something is wrong.” That was Bruce’s voice, he would know it anywhere. OR, Dick Grayson + Full Body Paralysis ✦ Catch by sElkieNight60, bruce & dick, 2k      Raptor has Bruce in dire straits. Nightwing catches Bruce as he falls. Then it turns out Bruce never fell at all, he jumped. “Dick. I didn’t fall. I jumped. I jumped because I knew you’d catch me.” Childhood trauma never truly goes away, it seems. OR, the emotional aftermath of “Better than Batman.” ✦ Call Me if You Need Me by LiterallyThePresident, bruce & dick & alfred, 1.1k      “Master Bruce is rather distraught, you see.” and now Alfred sounded pained, “The dose he received was not enough to render him immobile, but it is causing some paranoia and unpleasant hallucinations. He… Well, he appears to be rather convinced that something has happened to you.” BATFAM FIC RECS - EVERYBODY LOVES DICK: ✦ Sons and Fathers by FabulaRasa, dick & bruce & jefferson & dick/babs, 4.9k     Dick has three conversations that needed to be had, at the end of season three. This is blatantly a “there I fixed it” fic. ✦ The Best Medicine by JpegDotJpeg, dick & bruce & jason & tim & damian & alfred & cass, 2.2k      “I’m dying.” “You are not dying.” “This is it. It’s the end for me. I bet I have some exotic viral disease with no known cure and now I’m going to waste away into nothingness.” “I highly doubt that, Master Richard.” ✦ Look to the Stars by Zephyrra, dick & bruce & jason & hal & alfred & cast, lantern!dick, 8.3k      After Batman fires Robin for the last time, Dick becomes a Flying Grayson in an entirely new way: by becoming a Green Lantern. But no matter what kind of mask he dons, Dick Grayson has a way of (accidentally) changing history irrevocably. This is only the beginning. ✦ the courage of stars by theragingstorm, dick & clark/lois & jon & cast, 1.8k      When he really needs somebody, Dick goes to Metropolis. ✦ a great honour (to hold you up) by dizarys, dick & bruce & jason & tim & damian & cass & steph & duke, 2.6k      “For the last time, I’m not getting sick!” Jason and Tim exchanged skeptical looks behind Dick’s back. “You’re pale, shivering, and wince every time your bare skin touches the cold metal desk.” Jason ticked off on grease smeared fingers, “Sounds sick to me.” “Wonderful observations, Holmes.” Dick muttered, still looking through the microscope. “What does Watson have to add?” “That first of all, I’m Sherlock.” said Tim, “And my associate is correct. You should go get some rest.” ✦ i am tired of all these motherfuckin’ bombs on these motherfuckin’ spaceships by konan_konan, dick & bruce & damian & titans & background dick/kory & justice league, 4.5k      “Those generators won’t last long,” barks Batman. “We’re losing our window. What other plan do you propose, Nightwing?” He huffs. “I’m gonna blow up the ship.” or: when the justice league gets stranded in space, the teen titans come to the rescue. it doesn’t exactly go to plan. BATFAM FIC RECS - JASON TODD IS AN ASSHOLE CAT, I’M GONNA THROW HIM AT HIS SIBLINGS BECAUSE IT’S FUNNY: ✦ abyssal plain by glassofwater, dick & jason, 3.5k      “What did you do?” “Exactly what he said. I killed him.” ✦ Bang, bang by Ididloveyou_once, tim & jason & cast, 5.5k      ‘You shot me!’ Jason gasped, stunned, ‘Holy shit, you actually shot me.’ Tim’s eyes widened and he froze. They stared at each other for a second, dumbstruck and then- ‘Don’t tell Bruce.’ ✦ Break the Ice by dizarys, dick & jason, 1.5k      He felt the blades pierce his body. It was at the height of his leap, back arched as he sprang backwards over the car. A bolt of searing hot pain shot through his side then thigh. But Nightwing still landed with grace and flung his escrima sticks straight into two gang members’ heads. BATFAM FIC RECS - DICK AND DAMIAN WERE THE BEST BATMAN & ROBIN, I’M NOT HEARING ARGUMENTS ABOUT THAT EITHER: ✦ Not Quite Saudade by Wisptheraccoon, dick & damian & bruce & jason & tim & alfred & jon, 3.1k      Aka. The reason Dick is no longer allowed to leave on long missions without Damian. ✦ Scorpion-grass by Ididloveyou_once, dick & damian & bruce & tim, 2.9k      Damian gets hit with fear toxin and is forced to relive Dick losing his memories… Dick could’ve gone without knowing how the kid reacted to his amnesia. ✦ what’s waited till tomorrow starts tonight by theragingstorm, dick & damian & john/mary & cast, time travel, 63.4k wip      After an argument with his Batman, Dick Grayson, Damian finds himself in Dick’s past, with one of his greatest tragedies fast approaching and no easy route forward for either. As long as he risks being stuck seventeen years in the past, all he can do is live at the circus, with a family he never knew — and just maybe learn from it all. BATFAM FIC RECS - BATKIDS ALL HAVE MANY SIBLINGS AND THEY’RE ALL PETTY ASSHOLES AND/OR WONDERFUL BABIES AND I LOVE THEM WITH MY WHOLE BEING: ✦ When Wisdom Must Go by AnicomicQueen, bruce & dick & tim, 5.1k      Bruce experiences taking his children to get their wisdom teeth removed. Chapter 1: Dick (Age: 17) Chapter 2: Tim (Age: 16) ✦ So you’ll know where I’ve been by victoria_p (musesfool), jason & steph, 2.1k      “I just noticed your scars.” “We all have—Oh.” Jason drops his gaze again, runs his fingers along the faded incision on the left side of his chest. “No one else has one of these.” ✦ and when you’re in the trenches by dizarys, jason & tim & dick, 4.3k      When Jason stumbles across a shocking discovery, he’s forced to decide how much he truly cares about the people he used to call family. ✦ The Kids Are All Right by Browniesarethebest, bruce & dick & jason & tim & damian & cass & steph & alfred, 11.4k      Dick and Tim are de-aged. It goes about as well as anyone would expect. ✦ World’s Saddest Breakfast Club by motleyfam, dick & jason & tim & damian & bruce & cass & steph & duke & cast, 7k      Following a couple of Very Bad Weeks™ (which may or may not have involved being kidnapped and mildly tortured), Jason decides the best way to cheer himself up is to break into the Manor for a 3 a.m. snack. Turns out he isn’t the only one awake. BATFAM FIC RECS - I CUT MY TEETH ON DICK & TIM AS CLOSE BROTHERS AND NOT EVEN CANON WILL NOT TAKE IT FROM ME: ✦ Not So Large but Definitely In Charge by dottie_dc (dottie_wan_kenobi), dick & tim & bruce & alfred, 6.7k      Alternate universes suck so much. Tim has always known that, but he’s never really grasped it, not until he and Dick were forcibly thrown into one a week ago. ✦ there’ll always be a few things, maybe several things by incogneat_oh, dick & tim, ~1k      Tim breaks the silence, half-glancing over his shoulder to murmur, “Pop-culture has taught me that you’re supposed to seek out your parent in the middle of the night. Not your sibling.” “Pop-culture isn’t a perfect teacher, Timmy.” ✦ will we ever get to the other side? by dizarys, dick & tim, 4.8k      Blockbuster is dead and Dick is lost. Haunted by that night and no longer Nightwing, he flees Gotham only to find himself back in Bludhaven on mob business. Now Robin is the city’s new protector and Dick is determined to avoid Tim & his old life. That is, until he finds Tim bleeding in an alley. ✦ World Gone MAD by Havendance, dick & tim & justice league, 5.5k      Ask the GCPD about the Joker’s death, and they’ll tell you he died of natural causes. Ask the Justice League, and they’ll tell you that it’s a matter that’s been resolved internally. Ask Batman and he won’t give you an answer, because he’s Batman. The truth of the matter, however, is this: Dick Grayson beat the Joker to death. ✦ Wake Me Up Before You Go Go by incogneat_oh, dick & tim, ~1k      He’s already halfway up the stairs, towards the window on the second floor landing, when Dick says, “Tim.” He turns back, says wide-eyed and guilty, “Mhm? Can I– I’ll get you a blanket? If you want?” – Or, Tim visits Dick in Bludhaven. ✦ unleash the beast (with a kiss on the cheek) by InkpotSprite, dick & tim & bruce & jason & stephanie, 1.3k      Dick’s chest tightened as his lips parted to say something that he’d truly regret. Before a soft pair of lips pressed against his cheek, then disappeared so quickly that Dick was almost sure he’d imagined it. If it weren’t for Bruce’s fractionally wide eyes, Dick would think he had. Slowly, he turned his head to the side. Tim smiled back at him. BATFAM FIC RECS - I WILL DIE ON THE HILL THAT TIM DRAKE’S TRUE LOVE INTEREST IS CONNER KENT AND NOBODY CAN STOP ME, NOT EVEN GOD: ✦ cat tactic of healing by CarrionCarnival, tim/kon, 2.1k      Kon finds a moderately sick Tim, and decides that it’s his problem to solve. feline style ✦ In the Corner Taking up Space by Louis_the_Snake, tim/kon & cast, NSFW, 5.1k      Tim gets roped into doing a simple modeling gig for Wayne Fashion with some of his siblings and realizes that everyone he knows is way hotter than he is. And the hottest thing about him is his ass. Which ends up plastered in every major city in the U.S. ✦ Thief by rotasha, tim/kon, NSFW, 1.8k      Kon walks in on Tim wearing his leather jacket. ✦ only touched you once by distracted_dragon, tim/kon, NSFW, 1.8k      Kon decides to tease Tim a little with his TTK. ✦ Missing Words by Violet_Witch, tim/kon & cassie, 6.9k      It takes Tim years to realize what’s always been there. ✦ What’s Real and What Isn’t by JpegDotJpeg, tim/kon & bart, 2.3k      Kon’s eyes almost glow in the dark, a luminescent blue so vivid Tim almost can’t stand looking at them, though he has a harder time trying to look away from them. “I thought you were having a nightmare or something. Your heart was beating so hard it woke me up.” Tim feels himself a flush. He can’t even sleep without bothering someone else. “Oh,” He replies, voice small. “Sorry. I’m fine, you can go back to sleep.” “You’re shaking,” Kon points out and Tim curses internally. ✦ you taught me the courage of stars before you left by popsunner, tim & kon & bruce & damian & lois & jon & cassie & cast, 6k      “He loved you, you know,” She says wistfully, meeting his eyes. Tim looks away. “I loved him too.” “Love.” “What?” “Love,” she repeats. “Not loved. He might be gone, but we don’t love him any less.“ BATFAM FIC RECS - TAKE THE ANGST DIAL, TURN IT UP TO ELEVEN, AND BREAK THE KNOB OFF, THAT’S WHAT I’M HERE FOR: ✦ Arguments with the Recently Deceased by JackHawksmoor, dick & bruce & clark & tim & cast, 7.9k      Dick just got back from a lousy, week-long adventure traveling in time. When his ride drops him off at the cave the morning after he left, Dick isn’t expecting to find Bruce in the middle of a complete meltdown. Dick realizes there’s been a mistake- Dick hasn’t been gone six hours, he’s been gone six months, and everyone thinks he’s dead. ✦ Solar Flares by glassofwater, dick & bruce & jason & tim & damian & alfred & cast, 46.1k wip      Personhood, noun: the quality or condition of being an individual person. Son, noun: a man regarded as the product of a particular person, influence, or environment. Dick Grayson, noun: oldest son of Bruce Wayne, first son of Batman (i.e., a sum of parts, not a whole) ✦ Starlings in Winter by FromStarstuff, dick & bruce & clark & alfred & cast, 14.3k wip      When Dick was eleven years old he ran away from Gotham. No one could quite figure out why. Take your pick; there was a fight at school, a circus in town, and a song he can’t remember the melody of. Eleven-year-old Dick Grayson was flooded with grief, swimming in it, perpetually drowning. One day it was too much. ✦ Going Nuclear by wrsttballplayer, dick & bruce & jason & tim & damian & barbara & cass & steph & alfred, time travel, 15.3k wip      Dick looked at his younger self; the way his brow twisted up in so much anger and his was chest heaving with pure vitriol. Dick remembered what fury like that felt like. He remembered the way it burnt in his throat. He used to spew that poison at Bruce all the time, hell even the Titans had gotten the bad end of his temper more than once. And yet, Dick couldn’t place the last time he had been mad like that. Nowadays, all his anger died into withering flames of resignation and compromise more often than not. ✦ Why Is Tim the Only One With Any Tact? by CamsthiSky, dick & tim & wally, 4.1k      In which Tim tries to mediate an argument between Dick and Wally. Things don’t go so well. ✦ You Won’t Wake Up Alone by DawnsEternalLight, dick & bruce & jason & tim & damian, 5.2k      Dick’s captured and drugged and probably about to die. The last thing he wants to do is die in front of his family, especially not his baby brothers, all he wants is to be with Bruce and feel safe again. ✦ Hold Me Dear and Close to Your Heart by sElkieNight60, dick & bruce & cast, 3.8k      Dick Grayson leaves his whole life behind when Bruce Wayne kicks him out. ✦ the flute of your whole existence by LovesFrogs, bruce & dick & jason & tim & damian & alfred, 4.2k     He could voice his greatest fears, weaknesses, or most secret dreams at the drop of a hat; all the things he’s never put into words before and keeps tucked close between his ribs. What kind of ammunition is his son going to ask for? What will he make Bruce admit, knowing he is incapable of a lie? ✦ The Kids Are(n’t?) Alright by avengemyheart, dick & bruce & tim & alfred & cast, rape aftermath, 3k      Dick saves a young rape victim from his babysitter and in the process reveals his own trauma. The problem? Dick is Batman at the time, and kids are blabber mouths. ✦ Cursed Silence by TheSilencer, dick & bruce & jason & tim & steph & cast, 3.4k      Dick Grayson is given a gift - to seal away his emotions. No one has a good time. ✦ Peeking Through the Tunnel Beyond by sElkieNight60, dick & bruce & cast, read the tags, 2.4k      Or, Dick Grayson just can’t seem to free himself from his past. And this time, Bruce is there. ✦ soft clocks by dustorange, dick & bruce & damian & jason & tim & alfred & tiger & cast, 35.2k      Dick has amnesia during his time at Spyral. The family grapples with finding out he’s alive. Dick grapples with finding out he has a family. ✦ Never Say That by JackHawksmoor, bruce & dick & jason & damian & cast, 9.6k      "Calm down, I’m not aiming for anything vital,” Jason said irritably. Batman turned away from the man he’d just floored. “We agreed-” he began sharply. “I didn’t promise anything,” Jason snapped. He lifted his gun, muttering under his breath. “You ought to be grateful, it could be worse-” Or: the Bats have an extremely bad night in Gotham City BATFAM FIC RECS - SOMETIMES YOU JUST NEED TO TAKE ALL THE SERIOUSNESS OUT OF THE ROOM AND STAY SILLY FOR AWHILE: ✦ there but for the grace of god by TheResurrectionist, hal & dinah & ollie & flash & j'onn & bat-kids & young justice & justice league, 3.7k      A Justice League fic where everyone argues about who’s the most beautiful and intimidating sexy from the Big Three and everyone has valid points. ✦ The One With The Bat’s Son by Maximum_Quinn, bruce & dick & wally & hal & billy, 3.4k      “Batman has seven kids.” Wally blinked. “You’re shitting me.” “Not even a little, I just overheard him and Supes talking.” “Oh my god,” he breathed, staring at Hal incredulously. “You don’t think -?” Hal nodded, slowly and seriously. “Batman could be Captain Marvel’s dad.”

Bruises // Jake Seresin

Chapter Four: [Men & Their Many Masks]

Summary: You and Jake find yourselves alone in his cell for what feels like a week. Passing the time with mundane conversations. But when The Commander and his fellow officers finally come back? Things take a turn for the worst.

Series Warnings: Heavy themes of violence, sexual assault, torture. 18+ content. Minors DNI. Mature themes. Being held in captivity. Hostage style situation. Main character death! Whump, Angst. Conversations that discuss antisocial & antisemitism views.

Word Count: 5.3k

Author Note: THIS SERIES IS CONFRONTING, FICTIONAL, AND DEPICTS IMAGES OF TORTURE. DO NOT READ PAST THIS POINT IF YOU BELIEVE THAT THIS SERIES WILL BE DETRIMENTAL TO YOUR MENTAL STABILITY. CURATE YOUR OWN TIMELINE.

Series Masterlist | Main Masterlist

***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~

“How’s the leg?” In life, only one thing is certain apart from death and taxes. No matter how hard you try, no matter how good your intentions are, you’re going to make mistakes. You’re going to hurt people and you’re going to get hurt. “Feeling any better than the last few days?” 

“Stings, but yeah I think it’s starting to heal.” But you never thought you’d be hurt quite like this. And if you ever wanted to recover, there was really only one thing you could say. “I forgive you though.” 

Jake smiled softly as he sat with you on the floor of the cell the two of you had been put back in for what felt like days at this point. He was just grateful he could hold you, that there were no bars to separate him from keeping you safe. His arm was slung around your shoulders as your head laid heavy against his shoulders. Just sitting, both waiting for the hell that was sure to come. 

“I’m glad to hear it.” Jake couldn’t stop thinking about it, your screams that was. The agonising cries that escaped from your mouth as he sewed your thigh up without any anaesthetic, without proper medical training or knowledge. “Might have to consider a career change when we get outta here.” You could hear in Jake's voice that he was tired, but he’d never admit it to you, just how tired he truly was. 

He’d stay up while you slept with your head in his lap or head on his shoulders. He’d stay awake and keep a watchful eye over you as the days mixed in with the nights. He wasn’t about to let anyone take you, he wouldn’t let them. He’d stay awake as you slept stroking your hair back out of your face all the while he’d eye of the passing insurgents that walked past in the hallway. 

You wouldn’t tell Jake, but sometimes you’d wake up from his constant mumbling. The mantra he’d say over and over and over again as you slept: 

“I’m not gonna let anything happen to you, I’ve got you.” 

“Hmm—“ You mumbled in response as you very tiredly lifted your head from the comfort it had found against Jake's broad shoulder. “Career change definitely seems in the cards.” You weren’t lying. “A desk job with zero dangers sounds pretty good right about now.” 

In the time that had passed you and Jake by in the hell hole you found yourself in, there had been times where you’d both fall into mundane conversation just to fill the void. Now must have been one of those times—because instead of sitting in the dimly lit cell with dirty floors and concrete walls in silence, Jake kept the conversation going just to hear your voice. 

“What made you wanna be an aviator in the first place?” You didn’t reply straight away as you moved your leg a little, needing to keep it from going numb. Jake's handy work hadn’t been all that handy. He’d left the pant of your flight suit torn and in tatters from where he’d cut the Normex to get to your thigh. 

“My dad.” You began. “He’s my hero, always has been always will be.” It was the first time Jake had seen you smile since before he was sewing your thigh back up. Jake wasn’t about to say what he was thinking either, if he did it would have your smile disappearing far too quickly. Your dad was the Commander of the Pacific Fleet, would he have signed off on this mission? 

Jake felt like you could light up the darkest of rooms with that smile of yours. So genuine and pure. Full of love and pride for whatever the topic was. “I remember my OC at basic found out who he was and I’ve had the callsign since.” It was stuff Jake wished he’d asked you about at the Hard Deck. Not here on the floor a million miles away from home. He wished he’d put his pride aside, he wished he told his ego to take a hike, because he didn’t know you. He didn’t want to get to know you, but now? You were here because of him and not once had you put the blame on him. “He was always my biggest inspiration, just wanted me to chase my dreams you know.” 

“Sounds like a good guy.” Jake replied as he looked at your thigh, god he’d done an awful job. He could see how raw the wound still was. How inflamed the skin around the stitching was. He felt awful—but it was still better than the alternative. 

“What about you? What made you wanna join the Navy?” Your voice broke Jake from the tailspin his mind had gone into as his eyes went from your thigh back to your eyes, not as shiny as they had been in Admiral Simpson's office, but still just as beautiful and just as captivating. 

“My old man wasn’t as supportive as what your dad seemed to be.” Jake explained as he watched you maneuver yourself so that your head was laying in his lap. Back laid up in the dirt. Looking up at him like he was your greatest protector. “He was an Army triage doctor.” You wouldn’t have ever picked that, especially after seeing Jakes stitch work. 

“Guess the apple fell a little far from the tree huh?” You teased up at him, a soft smile crept itself across your lips as Jake laughed gently with you. He nodded in agreement, he knew he was nothing like his old man. He never wanted to be like him either. If Jake Seresin could be anything in the world, he’d choose to not be his fathers son. 

“He wanted me to join the army, said every other branch of service spent their time sucking each other's dicks and crying about how much they missed their mama’s.” Jake chuckled to himself as he let his head rest against the concrete. “The day I told him I joined the Navy, he beat me near black and blue.” Jake saw the way you looked up at him, with sympathetic eyes and a worried frown. “I left Bradshaw hanging one day in water training, it was supposed to be a team exercise but I bailed.” Jake hadn’t told anyone this story before. He hadn’t really had to, Rooster always did it for him and the narrative was born. “I was scared that I wouldn’t be able to get him out so I just bailed.” 

“Hangman—“ You got it. He always left people hanging. It made so much sense. 

“It’s an excuse to not get personal.” Jake finally looked down at you, his hand had absentmindedly been running through the mess that was your hair. “Once I’m involved I can’t get out.” 

“Hangman wasn’t flying our F-18 when we went down was he?” You asked as the realisation really kicked in. “It was just you.” The Jake who cared about the people around him, the Jake who would go above and beyond to make sure Phoenix was treated equally. Jake who made sure to have glasses wipes in his locker for Bob if he ran out. Jake who was always there to be Fanboys wingman at the bar. Jake who always made sure Rooster had a way home when he got a little carried away. Even if it was his couch. Jake who never told Coyote it was him who set him and his girlfriend up that one night when he was too afraid to talk to her. He wrote the notes they both received, the penmanship should have given it away. Jake who carried an epipen in his car, locker and tucked away in his kitchen for Payback—he’d never seen a grown man so allergic to peanuts. 

That Jake was the guy who went after Rooster. The version of Jake Seresin who was sitting here right now playing with your hair. Not Hangman who’d stare at you from across the Hard Deck trying his best not to get involved. Fighting every instinct he ever had to want to get to know you. 

“I tell you what, if Bradshaw doesn’t cover my tab for at least a few months after this I’m gonna be pissed.” Jake laughed it off as you followed suit. “Hangman’s just an easy character to hide behind.” 

“He’s a safety net.” You understood where Jake was coming from. “But be honest with me will you? because I’d rather die knowing the truth than always wondering.” 

“What’s on your mind?” Jake was curious, where were you going with this?

“Is it Hangman who hates me or is it Jake? Because I think I can handle Hangman.” You were being as honest as you could be as you laid in Jake's lap looking up at him. Stubble had begun to cover his chin and cheeks and boy did it look good. The bruises not so much. “I think I could handle Hangman, but I don’t think I could handle it if the real you had a problem with me.” 

Jake frowned when your eyes never left his. You looked him dead in the eye, unafraid of whatever answer he might give you. His hand curled in your hair as he bent his knees to raise your head closer to his and before you even had a chance to register what was happening? 

His lips were softly planted against yours. Huh, that wasn’t what you were expecting. 

His lips were chapped but still so soft if that made any sense. You always thought Jake Seresin would be a good kisser, not that you’d ever thought about it for more than a fleeting moment. But still, the fact was proven to be true when he ran his tongue slowly across your lip to ask permission for more. You granted his request without so much of a second of hesitation.

There was a small fraction of desperation that showed its ugly head when your hand came up to grip at the back of Hangman's neck. With his knees bent up into his chest you were raised as close to him as you possibly could be. Drinking in the gentle touch of each other's fear. 

“I don’t think I could ever hate you, Hotshot.” Jake paused to catch his breath before things could get too heated too quickly. His forehead made its home against yours as you closed your eyes and tried to control your heart beat. “I was scared.” He finally explained. “I was scared I’d be the reason you'd end up dead and I just thought, that if I didn’t get to know you, losing my first WSO wouldn’t hurt as much as they say it does.” 

“But here we are—“ You reminded Jake of your current situation. “We’re gonna die here, and you spent weeks avoiding me like the plague only to end up rotting next to me in some hellscape prison anyway.” You couldn’t help the irony that escaped as you chuckled softly. 

“You’re not gonna die in here Y/n, I promise you.” With a gentle kiss to your forehead, Jake wrapped you up completely in his arms. His chin remained utop your head as he watched the door. He could hear people outside in the corridor—but they remained out of frame. A scare tactic probably. “Get some rest for me.” Jake whispered as he felt you cling to his chest. “I’m not gonna let anyone take you.” 

“Jake?” His warmth brought a comfort to you that you’d never not crave. 

“Yeah?” Your voice brought a solace Jake would never not need. 

“If you hadn’t gone after Rooster, it would probably be him in here right now.” You reminded him, it was something Jake didn’t like to think about. The what if of it all. All the what ifs there were. 

“Yeah, yeah it probably would be.” He replied softly, a deep bust lingered in his tone. “But you wouldn’t be if I hadn't.” 

Forgive and forget. That’s what they say. It’s good advice but it’s not very practical. When someone hurts us, we want to hurt them back. When someone wrongs us, we want to be right. Without forgiveness? old scores are never settled, old wounds never heal. And the most you can ever hope for, is that one day, you’ll be lucky enough to forget. 

“I forgive you Hangman.” You spoke into Jake's chest. He knew you already forgave him, Jake that was. But to hear you forgave his alter ego too meant a hell of a lot more than you could ever know. “I forgive him too.” 

***~***~***~***~***~***~***~

“Up and at it Lieutenants!” At any given moment, the brain has fourteen billion neurons firing at the speed of four hundred and fifty miles per hour. “The Commander wants to see you, Hollywood.” One of the insurgents snickered as he unlocked the cell door, letting in far too much light as he did so.

“You’re not taking her.” You don’t have control over most of them. When you get the chills, goosebumps. When you get excited, adrenaline. The body naturally follows its impulses, which, you believe, is a part of what makes it so hard to control those impulses. “No way.” Jake had been up since you’d fallen asleep in his warm embrace, he held you closer and a little tighter as the guards stepped into the cell you were both being held in. It was instinct, impulse. “You’re not taking her away from me, wherever she goes, I go.” 

“Oh I can assure you, we’ll take her by force if necessary.” You were barely awake, but you heard it loud and clear. The buzz of a taser Jake had already had a run in with. “So I’m going to give you another chance to do what I fucking say, hand, the girl, over.” The buzz only got louder as the man dressed in all black stepped further into the cell. 

“I’ll go—“ But of course sometimes you have impulses you would rather not control, that you later wish you had. “I’ll go, but leave Jake alone.” You added as you sat up. Your leg throbbed as you tried to bend it at your knee. “Please?” You begged as Jake held your wrist to stop you from leaving his side. But when you looked at him with pleading eyes he knew you had to go. “There’s no need for the taser.” You turned back to the man who towered over you. “I’m coming.” 

Without a word, the man shut off the taser in his hand and pocketed it. He didn’t look all that impressed as he removed his mask, revealing a blonde haired blue eyed man with a scar that ran the expanse of his face. Cutting him essentially in half. It was ugly and red and as prominent as a scar could be. Keloid style. 

“The Commander wants to speak with you.” He informed you once again. “And he isn’t a patient man so move.” 

“Let me help you.” Jake insisted as he stood up before you could even begin to try. Your leg was killing you. “Here, take my hands.” He gestured for you to place your hands in his so he could pull you up with ease, such ease it shocked you. Jake was a hell of a lot stronger than he looked sometimes. And he was strong, you’d seen his bench press. 

“Thanks, I’m okay, I promise.” You lied through your teeth, a part of you wanted to cry in pure panic because you couldn’t feel your toes. But what good would that do? Jake helped you to your feet until you were steady before he pulled you in closer. 

“Remember you give them nothing alright?” Jake held your face in his hands as you nodded. “You don’t give them a reason to hurt you, you do what you have to do and don’t you dare worry about me.” 

“Okay.” You nodded. 

“I’m right here.” Jake reminded you before you were harshly being pulled away by the blonde haired blue eyes scar having man. He wasn’t as gentle as Jake was. “I’ll be right here!” 

By the time you were down the hall Jake’s mind had already begun to run through a rolodex of scenarios that you might find yourself in. He was, however, too exhausted to even stand on his own without a reason to fight. He took a knee, gently, feeling faint from the lake of sleep, food and water that the two of you had been provided. It was enough to keep you from starving but not nearly enough to replenish already exhausted muscles. 

“Unfortunately for you my good man we’re gonna need you up on your feet.” The insurgent left behind with Jake snickered as he held a bunch of rope in his hand. “I’ll give you the option to cooperate or again, we’ll force you.” Jake let out a laugh that was laced in uncertainty. 

“The day I cooperate with any of you evil sons of bitches is the day hell freezes over.” 

“You’re call Lieutenant.” The insurgent who had yet to show his face sighed as he took out a baton from his holster at the side of his pant leg, sighed. “You’re call.” He waisted no time. 

You could hear Jakes groans from down the hall. But even though you tried to turn around the guard who kept you walking forward kept you walking one foot in front of the other. 

“Don’t try anything stupid girly.” He hissed as he stopped in front of an elevator, just waiting for it to dig. You watched as the numbers dropped— seven, six, five, four, until they reached your floor. B. B for basement. “In, or so help me god.” 

You did as you were told. Jake had told you not to give them a reason. But from the groans you heard it seemed as though he’d already forgotten his own advice. 

“How’d you get your scar?” You asked as you watched the elevator climb, one, two, three, four. “Looks like it hurt?” You weren’t sure why you were even asking, but the silence was deafening. The answer the blonde haired blue eyed insurgent gave you made your bones turn cold as ice as he turned around and slammed you up against the wall of the elevator, the sudden burst of mania made you gasp as he trapped you in his arms up against the wall. He leaned in to whisper in your ear, but first? He left a gentle kiss against the junction of your neck. His explanation was only two words, but enough to send you into a dizzying tailspin. 

“The Commander.” 

The body is a slave to impulse. But the thing that makes us human is what we can control. After the storm, after the rush, after the heat of the moment has passed, you can cool off and clean up the messes you’ve made. 

All you can do to survive is to try to let go of what was. Freedom.

***~***~***~***~***~***~***~

“Get cleaned up, the Commander would like to have dinner with you.” You were expecting something, you weren’t exactly sure what but it certainly wasn’t this. You were standing in the middle of a bathroom. “He’d like you to wear what’s been provided.” The man with the scar spoke just under his breath so his voice didn’t echo. “Take your time.” He told you as his eyes roamed the expanse of your body before he shut the door behind him, leaving you alone in the bathroom that smelled of vanilla and chamomile. Most likely from the candle burning on the vanity. 

Odd. This was all very odd. 

As confused as you were, you did what you were told. You stripped out of your disgusting flight suit that smelt gross enough to walk on its own and stepped into the shower. The second the warm water hit your body you cried. You cried until you couldn’t control the sobs. They echoed painfully off the walls as you washed away the grime that had built up on your skin and in your hair. Shampoo that smelled of apple and rhubarb reminded you of the pies Penny would make at the Hard Deck, which made you cry even more. You missed home. 

As much as you enjoyed the feeling of being clean, you felt guilty knowing that seven stories below, Jake remained in the dirt. Still in his flight suit, still covered in grime. It was enough to nearly drive you insane from guilt alone. 

You dried off and changed into the clothes provided. It had been an emerald evening dress with spaghetti straps at a length that went just above your ankles. It was odd to feel so beautiful in the situation you were in. You couldn’t pry your eyes away from the mirror, you looked ridiculous. With wet hair and swollen eyes. Bruises that weren’t even trying to hide littered your skin. 

So you reached for the hair dryer, and the bags of beauty products that were on the shelf behind you and got to work. Now wasn’t the time to feel sorry for yourself. Now was the time to put on a mask and front a brave exterior. You and Jake had to get out of this mess one way or another. 

By the time you were finished someone was knocking on the bathroom door. You had been told to take your time but perhaps you had over done it. 

“Yes?” You answered, standing tall and proud in the heels that had been provided. In the dress that was a little provocative. 

“The Commander will see you now, Lieutenant.” 

“Well, we wouldn’t want to keep The Commander waiting now would we?” You spat, shoving past the guard who was someone you’d never seen. When he tried to guide you, you pulled your arm out of his grasp. “I don’t need your help.” 

“Sorry ma’am, it just looked as if you were limping is all.” He apologised kindly, something you weren’t used to with the guards. He didn’t wear the same all black get up as the others. He wore a suit and tie, evening wear. A navy blue fitted attire with brown boots and tie to match. “My apologies, this way.” 

He was right for what it was worth, you were in fact, limping. But you weren’t about to put your pride aside for that. You didn’t want The Commander or whatever the fuck his actual name was to know you were in pain. 

It wasn’t long at all before you were being led into an near empty banquet room. Its clean cut aesthetic looked like a new world order. It made your stomach churn at the idea. The Commander sat at the end of a massive banquet style dining table made for twenty plus. He stood from his chair when you entered and his eyes never left yours as you hurried your way over to the chair set just for you. 

“You look beautiful—“

“It’s the blush, a brand called prisoner of war.” You huffed as you sat down, not needing any help from the man who’d escorted you in. He stood just behind you with his hands held in front. “What’s all this?” 

“I thought I might be able to explain our current situation a little better over a meal.” The Commander smiled as he gestured for one of the three Buttlers to pour you a glass of wine. “I was able to obtain your Naval records from the information Lieutenant Seresin provided.” It wasn’t all that interesting, you’d never really done anything of import. Sure you were a TopGun graduate but you weren’t first in your class. You didn’t stand out in a crowd. “I’d also like to take a minute to apologise for the wound you suffered—it’s never my first choice to resort to violence of such an extent—but I’m not—“ 

“A patient man.” You finished The Commander's sentence for him. “So I've heard.” Roasted chicken and vegetables, that’s what food was on your plate. You couldn’t bring yourself to eat even if you were slowly starving. It wouldn’t be fair to Jake. So you just moved your fork around and picked at the green beans. “If we could make this quick.” 

“Have you got somewhere to be Miss Y/l/n?” The Commander tilted his head curiously, trying to figure out why you were in such a hurry. 

“More like I’ve got someone to get back to.” You snapped back harshly. “I’d rather not waste my time listening to you babble on about defense budgets and the United Nations because let’s face it if the United States has their eye on you—you’ve probably done something to piss of someone in those bounds.” It wasn’t far from the truth of the matter at all, if anything you were right on the money. “And neither of those two topics really account for your probable anti-semetic ignorance.” You rolled your eyes as you wiped your face with the napkin beside your plate. “I’d like to go back to my cell now, even that shit hole’s better than being up here listening to some pathetic excuse for harbouring nuclear weapons.” You knew why your mission was to destroy that insurgent camp, it wasn’t rocket science. Nuclear weapons were a legitimate threat, and against Jake's wishes, you were catching some of his attitude. 

“I was just going to discuss the geopolitical complexities of the topic, which is in no way the same as going to an anti-semetic place.” The Commander corrected you as he slammed his fist down onto the table. “We believe, as a Rogue Nation, that the United Nations, NATO, all the major international bodies that preach international solidarity should be held accountable for their actions in instigating wars that never would have occurred.” It was a speech you weren’t all that interested in listening to. But with nowhere to run, you did just that. “Sovereign borders should be abolished, one World, one Nation, no countries with different societies and structures, no Nations with different cultures and religions, a universal language, currency and healthcare systems that aren’t flawed, access to food, water, education that isn't currently available.” It was a lot to take in, hell this may have been a bigger problem than your superiors had led you to believe. “Do you see the bigger picture here my dear?” 

“You’re certifiably insane—“ It was the only conclusion you could come to with the information you had laid out before you. “You’re talking about completely annihilating hundreds of thousands of years of cultural history and heritage across the world, you can’t justify that.” 

“It’s been done before in history—“ Was all The Commander replied before he smirked and took a sip of his wine. “The insurgent compound you and your friend were sent to destroy? One of two I believe you and your higher ups were aware of, was full of women and children, my wife included.” Your brain was working in overdrive trying to digest all this new information at the same time while keeping a straight face. Trying to look seemingly uninterested all the while taking in critical information that could be used at a later date was harder than it looked. 

“Tell me Lieutenant, what good would come of killing hundreds of women and children?” It was a trick question, or so you thought. “Your country has a very compelling history of instigating violence and provoking wars that never needed to occur.” The Commander wasn’t wrong, but it still didn’t make him right. “Countries like Australia and New Zealand follow, empires like Europe join the fight and then it’s Nation against Nation, ethnicity against ethnicity, culture against culture and religion against religion.” As much as you hated it there was a logic to The Commander's radical ideology. “There is no need for such violence—such loss of life, racism, discrimination, misogyny, homophobia; it could all be prevented if the entire world was one way. Had one ideology.” 

“Tell me Commander, how do you achieve such a goal?” You asked all the while trying not to throw up. 

“Complete nuclear destruction, pin countries against one another with tactical diplomacy that starts a domino effect—because something you Admirals have failed to realise Miss Y/l/n is that you can’t start a war against a Nation that doesn’t exist.” 

“You seem to have the resources to find out anything you want.” You kept a straight face even if you were thinking of lunging yourself down the time to ring your hands around The Commanders neck. “Why do you need Jake and I for information?” 

“I don't tend to believe everything I read on the internet my dear, it can be quite costly.” He smiled genuinely, it made you want to vomit, or perhaps that was the win. “I like to fact check, validate my findings. Captain Hewens told us that the United States Navy was planning a military strike against one of our compounds, so we were able to switch which site held what.” You couldn’t control your face as shock took over your expression. The Commander was willing to kill hundreds of people for his own political agenda—if you had succeeded in the mission? You could have caused an all out war. “With her help we were able to locate your mission file after an insider sold intelligence to the dark web for one point four million.” 

You were now physically unable to hide your shock as your shoulders slumped in defeat. This was much bigger, much worse than you could have ever anticipated. Holy shit, you were going to die here. Where ever here even was. 

“I guess you can always just put it down to the fact you and your friend are a hell of a lot less valuable than one point four million dollars.” The Commander chuckled to himself as he stood from his chair. His shoes clicked against the flooring as he made his way towards you, fixing his jacket as he did so with a proud chest. “You and your friend are nothing but pawns in a war your country has decided it’s in. But how can you be at war with a Nation that doesn’t exist? A nation with no borders or place or origin.” It made you shiver with dread and fear, you could feel the hairs on the back of your neck sticking up like on a cat's spine. “We are the Rogue Nation miss Y/l/n, we are one world and one people, the sooner you realise who’s side you’re really fighting on the sooner your time here gets a hell of a lot easier.” 

Your heart was racing a hundred miles an hour as The Commander reached out to squish your cheeks together between his fingers and his thumb. He turned your face towards where he stood beside you and growled. 

“So before you go back to your cell, just remember, when I ask you or your friend for information? I expect to get it from either of you, the easy way or the goddamn hard way.” 

“I’m not telling you anything you mentality deranged fuck.” You pulled your head from his grasp as you reached for the knife sitting beside your plate. Your food still sat uneaten, but the serrated knife would do just fine. You plunged it into The Commanders hand up until the hilt before you got up out of your chair in a panicked hurry. “You’re delusional!” It was then the blonde haired blue eyed man with the angry scar came bursting through the door. As of right on cue. 

“Nathan—“ The Commander made not a single cry, nor a groan or anything as he pulled the knife from the palm of his hand and placed it back where you had originally picked it up from. Covered in a deep crimson. “Please escort the Lieutenant back to her cellmate. I’m sure he’s ready to talk, if not? You know what to do.” 

***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~

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You always know what to say and do.

Andrea Medina x reader

-> got this idea while watching her tiktok, where they're playing the marshmallow game, so if you want some good context to it, pls look it up. Once again this is fictional, and don't necessarily reflect the reality, although Andrea has been open about her ADHD and hyperactivity.

TW: angst, anxiety attack (sort of), mentions of hyperactivity and feelings of anxiety.

You and your girlfriend were almost never apart. You thrive in each-others presence. Always a safe place to joke around, talk, sing, cry or sometimes just sit around in comfortable silence. And by silence it actually meant you were relaxing quietly while Andrea walked around talking nonstop.

It never bothered her because she knew you were paying attention to her every move and words, and it made her feel like someone was actually listening to her. And you, you loved those moments more than anything. It didn't bother you either, to you, her voice was the most relaxing sound, you could listen to her jokes all day. You loved that despite knowing you had a way lower energy level, she could always still be one hundred percent herself, even if it meant enduring her hyperactive self. It was indeed very comforting having someone so opposite to you that yet complemented you perfectly deep down inside.

So when she called you up at 3 AM crying, your heart broke. It was hard enough being away from each other, when she was away with the sub 20 national team. This time they were away for a game against Germany, and the call was unexpected to say the least. Even though you would spend hours on facetime, she usually slept like a baby through the night, especially after training for hours. That's one of the only things that would really drain some energy out of her.

Andrea was the type of person to never break down in front of others, so when she called you in the middle of the night, you knew it was bad.

"What happened amor? Why are you crying?" - you asked desperately.

You could barely make up the words she was saying through the phone.

"Breathe okay? I'm here, cry all you need and then talk to me amor" -

It took around ten minutes for her cries to die down.

"Everyone hates me!" - "They think I am annoying and they don't want me around!" -

"Did someone say that to you?"-

She shook her head while she spoke - "No, but I know it, I can tell"-

"Baby, tell me what happened okay? Is Ornella with you?" -

"No, we're not sharing rooms this week." - I nodded to her, reassuring her to continue - "We were at Martina's room and I had an idea for a tiktok, you know the one marshmallow two marshmallow game?"

"Yes I saw you posted it earlier. But what happened?" -

"While we were filming, it felt like everyone was so annoyed at me, like they were tired and that I was taking up space you know? I know not a lot of people can deal with the way I am, but I don't know, I just thought we were all good friends, and that it would be fun..."-

"Cariño, I wish I could hold you right now." - you say sadly - "But we've talked about this. You can't live worrying if others might be bothered by it. It's who you are! You don't have to feel bad for the ones around you! I hate that you felt that way today, I just wish I could be there with you."

"I love the girls and I just sometimes forget how overbearing I can be. It's kind of hard, when I'm back home with you, Lola, Cris, Wifi and the team I don't even think about it, I don't worry. I forget how much support I have and I'm so thankful. And I love you amor. So much." -

By now you were tearing up. For the last year and a half, you've seen her through it all, and you knew her pain. You knew how hard it was for her to say it out loud, even more to anyone that was not the reflection in her mirror. She keeps her smile up even when she feels the saddest. Your guess was that she kept that fake smile and jokes, kept it up until she was finally alone in the hotel room. And then just exploded from her feelings. And you guessed it right.

She only decided to call you when she realized she couldn't calm down by herself. That was, after hours of crying.

"Was Ornella there?" - you ask already knowing the answer as she shook her head no. You knew if she was, this most likely wouldn't have happened.

"How about you take hot a shower? I'll stay on the call, and when you're done we can go to sleep?" - She easily gave in to your idea, knowing that's exactly what she needed right now, besides the cuddle that she wouldn't be getting till next monday.

After taking a rather quick shower not wanting to be away from the call too long, she put on the hoodie she brought along that smelled like you. The piece of clothing was her own, but it acquired the smell from how much you wore it around the apartment.

Laying back down on the bed and going under the covers, she focused once again on the phone screen.

"Better?" she only nodded quickly - "I love you, Andrea, so much. And I know that if Ornella was there you would've felt seen and safer. But you can't depend on having one of us by your side, to feel like you deserve to be who you are. I know Lola and I talk about it a lot, but it's true. You can't be careful around others at the expense of your own feelings. It's not healthy. They can remove themselves if they'd like. By now we know that some people don't have much patience unfortunately. They have no idea the gem they're missing on, my love." -

"Gracias bebé, for knowing what to say and do. I know I need to work on fighting these feelings off. And promise tomorrow I'll follow the drill and try to stay close to Ornella. Even though that's the opposite of what you just said." - seemly as on queue she let's out an yawn.

"Okay baby. I'll leave you to get some sleep then."

She immediately protested -"Please stay until one of us falls a sleep?" -

You couldn't say no to her.

Took a little bit of my own personal experience to write this one and hope it also helps anyone in need of some comfort and reassuring words. 🩷

Also my first time writing, so I'd love to hear your thoughts and advice. This feels like it needs some improvement.

The Loneliest (1/2) • Aemond Targaryen x reader

Summary: 1925. They say that the Sunfyre Cinema is haunted. Floris, your best friend and neighbor, warns you not to spend all your time there, claiming that a ghost operates the movie projector. Still, The Sunfyre is your home, as you seek comfort to escape the loneliness that marks your days. CW: 1920's au, mixes fictional & historical elements. I envision Westeros as a stand in for the U.K here. The idea of movie projectionist!Aemond came from watching the movie Pearl, although this isn't 100% based on that. Smut will come in part 2. Words: 3k.

1

1925

They say the movie theater in the town of Dorne is haunted. 

They say it belongs to the heirs of one the wealthiest families in the European country of Westeros; four siblings who didn’t quite know what to do with their inheritance, so they spent their money importing pictures from the other side of the Atlantic. Regardless of whoever runs it, some said the movie business, despite its novelty, had no chance of lifting off after the war. Who could’ve had time for such banalities? 

Only lost souls, apparently. 

Lonely people seeking comfort in the dusty silver light that carries stories within it – desperately seeking a bit of magic in dark rooms to escape their isolated days. 

And you? You might be the loneliest of all. No family, no prospects, and a job at a sleazy pub that will run you to an early grave.

The Sunfyre Cinema still stands, for people like you, with its yellowish lights shining like a beacon of hope in the cold winter nights. 

Floris, your best friend and neighbor, warns you not to walk by yourself at night all the way to The Sunfyre. She’s often stayed with you when the midnight wind sounds too much like the cries of wounded soldiers she’s tended to. Those nights, bundled up by the fire with a warm cup of tea, she tells you stories of a ghost operating the film projector. 

"The ghost that haunts The Sunfyre", Floris calls it. "A creature like The Phantom from your favorite novel by Gaston Leroux." She’s recounted her tale so many times that she’s even started to spice up its details here and there.

Sometimes, the ghost was once a prince who had his eye taken out by his own nephews; others, the prince took his own eye as a gift for his grieving mother after having lost her husband to the Spanish Flu. Knowing your taste for spooks, she’s told you that he was the suitor of a witch, who asked him for his left eye as a proof of his devotion. 

You’re endlessly entertained, but in the end you can’t help but shake your head. You practically live in The Sunfyre and have never seen such an apparition. If there was truly a monster living in the projection room, you’d be the first to know. 

Almost every night after your work shifts, you either walk or ride your bike to the deserted town of Dorne to watch a picture. Rarely are there people there with you – mostly rows of empty dark velvet seats as your companions. Often, you’ve turned around towards the spear of light that emanates from the little booth at the very top of the room, trying to catch the shadow of the mysterious being your friend has told you about, but you see nothing. 

When the picture ends, you stay for a moment, fixing your hearing to detect a huff or a growl to indicate that there’s someone cooped up in there indeed, but nothing. There’s only the grainy static as the movie comes to an end, and the slide-and-click sound of the film roll being ejected. 

It’s as if the projector operates itself. 

Could there really be a ghost in there, after all? 

2

You really shouldn’t be out in the rain like this. Shouldn’t be spending your last coins on a movie ticket, but as you rush through the downpour, holding on to your raincoat for dear life, you cannot contain the excitement bubbling up inside you. 

You had this day marked on your calendar for weeks. The Sunfyre was going to project an adaptation of the Phantom of the Opera with Lon Chaney. The fact that the theater even bothered to import new releases despite you practically being their sole customer – at least the only constant one – amazed you. So you really, really, really couldn’t miss it for the world. 

Floris had insisted that it was irresponsible. That you weren’t going to have enough money left for your month’s rent, that you were gonna catch a cold if you went out on a stormy night. Yet, as reckless as it is, you don’t care. You had been looking forward to this from the moment you’d read in the newspapers that Carl Laemmle was producing an adaptation of the novel – and even more thrilled when you saw the poster for it at The Sunfyre. 

Floris was certainly right, but you were desperate for anything that would make your gray days seem a little brighter – desperate for any novelty to the lonesome routine that sucked the life out of you, morning by morning. Desperate for a way out of the countryside. Only the pictures could offer that escape. 

So you scurry out of the rain to shield yourself under the marquee of The Sunfyre, giddily paying for your ticket before making your way to the hall that has now become a second home to you. As in most nights, you’re alone despite it being a premiere, but this was to be expected for a monday night. 

The lights go down, and the ghoulish text of the opening credits immediately envelops you into an eerie atmosphere; a score of dramatic strings carries you to the first scene of the picture, showing a man dwelling along catacombs, unknowingly followed by a cloaked figure that hides in the shadows. 

You’re on the edge of your seat the entire time – biting your fingernails and grinning as you read each subtitle slide, following along the action and suspense all doubled over yourself on your seat. As if you’ll get any closer to the screen and be pulled right into the story. Especially when the character of Christine looms closer to the phantom as he plays the piano; she curiously eyes him from the back, hesitating on calling for him to turn. 

The camera shot changes quickly, just as she’s about to unmask him! And then! 

– the film jams, cutting the action, engulfing the hall in darkness. 

The spectral vibe of the film taints the room; the longer you spend in darkness as you wait for the projection to come back on, the more you tremble. The silence is so dense it could be cut with a knife; the distant sound of the storm being of no aid to your shivering. You hug yourself tight and repeat to yourself in your head – it’s just a movie, it’s just a movie, it’s just a movie. 

But an odd sound jabs at your mental spiral. 

A grunt. 

Followed by muffled curses and clanks – as if someone was struggling with the machinery in the booth upstairs. 

Tentatively, you turn in your seat, and your heart drops to the floor when you see a silhouette from a distance. 

Gulping down your courage, you rise from your seat and walk up the stairs, aiming to reach the top row seats that are inches below the projection booth. 

You rise to your tiptoes to peek inside the booth but a sudden flash of light blinds you. 

You recoil from the stab of light only to be met with the monstrous face of the Phantom after being unmasked. The frightful sight makes you plop back down onto the seats immediately, covering your eyes while you try to steady your breathing. 

From the space between your fingers you check for the scene to be over, and once you’re calm, curiosity stirs you to look up once more.  

What makes your breathing come up in quick pants is not the fear of the movie. 

It's the brief image of a man in the projection booth. 

3 

Floris hadn’t believed you when you said you’d seen the supposed ghost. Not after she’d asked for you to describe him, and you found yourself at a loss for words. 

Alright, so you hadn’t really seen the man, merely his shadow. 

For all you know, it could've been an actual spirit in there. But it sparked a sense of determination, to see what the projectionist at the cinema looked like. 

You didn’t know why it compelled you so much. Maybe it was the deeply rooted ache in you to find a friend? To know more about the man who handled all the motion pictures you lived for? In your mind, he had the luckiest job in the world, and you wished to learn more about him. Floris, after all, didn’t share your interests. Found them odd, even though she always listened to you with great care 

“You’re always yearning for worlds that don’t exist,” she would tell you. “You’re so busy daydreaming about pictures that you’re going to miss what’s happening in the present. Embrace the real world, deary. It’s the only one we’ve got.” 

Two mornings later, you bike your way to Dorne, right before your evening shift at the pub. 

A silver-blonde woman in denim overalls, dirt-stained boots and a heavy wool coat was hiked up a wooden ladder, changing the names of the next features on the marquee. You recognize her as Helaena, for she normally worked in the ticket booth and greeted you with a kind smile every time – so pleased to see a regular, that she gifted you the pamphlets of the pictures you’d seen twice or thrice. 

You let her work, and instead wander around to the alleyway, until you stumble upon the door in the back of the cinema that had a sign hung up that read, ‘do not enter’. 

With fidgety fingers, you linger for a few moments, merely eyeing the door. 

What are you expecting to find anyway?, you ponder while chewing on your lips, over and over. Whoever lurked behind it most definitely wouldn’t want their privacy being intruded.  

Besides, what if you were banned from The Sunfyre for sticking your nose in places it didn’t belong? You’d rather be shot dead than risk not being welcomed in the one place that had become your sanctuary. 

But right as you’re about to turn the other way, the door opens. 

Both you and the man at the door freeze. 

The first thing you notice is a head of silver hair, before seeing the eyepatch over his left eye and a luminous violet-blue eye on the right – which looked big and hopeful until a frown cast a shadow over his elegant face.   

“You’re not supposed to be here!” he grunts, “Can’t you read the sign?” 

You flinch and recoil from his harsh tone, heart dropping to your stomach. “I - I’m sorry! I was just – I was just leaving.” 

You shake your head and make a run for it, but before you know it he grasps your hand and pulls you back. “Wait! I’m sorry. I know who you are.” 

“You do!?”

He’s just as flustered as you, with a pretty pink blush spreading over his cheeks and neck. Despite his height, he seemed to be trying to make himself smaller, with one foot inside the projection room and the left side of his face leaning sideways, extra conscious of the eyepatch, wanting to hide it from you. 

“Of course I do,” the man continues. He looks tough and hardened by life which makes his tone of voice an utter contradiction – all soft spoken and eloquent, with an accent that betrayed his upper class upbringing.

 “You’re our best customer. Hells, you’re the reason why we haven’t even closed in the first place.” 

“I am!?” 

“Hmm.” He hums in affirmation and continues to stare. The lack of an eye didn’t make his gaze any less penetrating. 

“I’m Aemond,” he breaks the awkward silence, offering his hand back to shake, which makes you smile, and heat to spread from within. 

“Aemond Targaryen. Me and my three siblings own this place. Were you looking for something today? We don’t have a matinee scheduled – I should know, I’m the projectionist.” 

So the legends were true – it was the Targaryens who owned the theater. No wonder he didn’t sound like he was from the countryside. You’re so struck untangling his words that it doesn’t even faze you that you were standing right in front of the subject of Floris’ nightmares and your own wonder – the ghost. 

And, well, despite his pale skin he’s certainly no phantom. In fact, he’s rather handsome and regal-looking, even if he’s wearing nothing but a simple white shirt with sleeves rolled to his elbows, and black wool pants fitted around his waist with black suspenders. You shake your head once more, laughing to yourself as you search for a coherent reply from all the excitement you’re feeling. 

“No, not specifically. I…”

Should you confess that he was the reason you were here? Under any other circumstance, this probably would’ve been an idiotic thing to admit, but you figured, if you wanted to make a friend out of Aemond, you might as well be transparent from the start. 

“Well, I actually came by to see if I could speak to the projectionist.” You smile kindly at him, and delight in the way his eye widens in surprise, the way his stern lips tilt ever so slightly. “I wanted to thank him for the wonderful job he does. I…”

You look down with a little bit of embarrassment, but he leans a little bit to be on your eye level and nods, encouraging you to continue. 

“You see, I come here all the time, as you know,” you chuckle, “I suppose I wanted someone to chat about films with. I’m very passionate about them, and I’ve no one else to talk to.” 

It’s as if the gray clouds parted, bringing in a beam of sunshine shining right down on Aemond’s entire face, making his silver hair gleam and his crystalline eye twinkle as he grins at you – so wide, you can see a hidden dimple appearing on his cheeks. 

“You wanted to talk about films? With me?” 

You nod, finally offering your name – as you’d been too caught up admiring the man before you, you’d completely forgotten to introduce yourself. It makes him huff out a timid laugh that you instantly count as a win, as he steps to the side to let you into his little room. 

4 

You soon note that the little projection room is far smaller than you had anticipated, though the size didn’t make for a messy space in the least. Every corner is neatly arranged; the walls are plastered with movie posters shelves full of film stock in their circular, metal encasing. 

When you turn, you sigh in awe, as if you were witnessing one of the wonders of the world: the film projector, mounted right before a tiny square from which the light filtered through and expanded onto the screen. You gravitate towards it, peaking through the window to look at the empty rows of seats below you. Of course Aemond would’ve noticed you, when he had this kind of panoramic view of the cinema hall. 

“It’s something to behold, isn’t it?” he murmurs from behind you. 

“It certainly is. You’re so lucky to do this for a living. I’m on my feet wiping tables and serving cuppas back and forth until my feet can’t take it.” 

He hums again – in what you’re quickly learning is a trademark of his – before you turn. You hadn’t expected to see a slight slouch to his demeanor, and that handsome smirk to have turned down, as if a cloud had passed through his face. A look to his left and you see it:  an individual bed with fuzzy looking blankets is pushed to one wall, 

“Wait, you live here? I thought –” 

“My father disinherited me and my siblings. Gave it all to my half-sister, his eldest from his first marriage. At first we didn’t know what to do with the money he gave us to keep us tamed, so we built this.  This is all we have now.” 

You can tell there’s more storming underneath his facade, but you refrain from asking. Instead, you murmur a simple, “I’m sorry. The war has been tough for everyone.” 

The last bit has you wincing mentally, feeling so lost as to what could be appropriate to say, weary of coming out too innocent and childish, when truthfully due to the isolation everyone endured during The Great War you feel like you’ve lost the touch for communication. Often at work you find yourself stuttering, unable to complete your sentences fluidly. Maybe it’s yet another reason why you preferred the movies. Anyone can understand images. 

Aemond seems to read you thoroughly, shaking his head with a half-smile before looking down. 

You wonder then if he had lost his eye because of the Great War. 

Wonder if he’ll tell you all his stories eventually. 

Aemond finally interjects your spiral of thoughts. “So what did you think of our newest feature?” 

“The Phantom!? I loved it! Thought it was terrifying actually, but so great.” 

Aemond shrugs, leaning against his movie shelf with his hands in the pockets of his suit pants. “It was alright. They definitely strayed from the novel to make some bits scarier. I found the make-up on Lon Chaney quite excellent, however.” 

Your chest warms, all self-consciousness from before vanishing, having found someone that speaks your language. 

Nearly all noon is spent with Aemond in the projection room, exchanging views about film and literature, and he even gives you a couple of pamphlets and flyers, after assuring him that it would be your absolute delight and pleasure to promote The Sunfyre at your workplace. You even tell him he’s welcomed there anytime he feels like it. It’s a bit of a trek from Dorne, and not an elegant place in the least –  much less for a Targaryen –  but at least the drinks were decent, and every now and again you were in charge of preparing the soup of the day, which, not to toot your own horn, was a favorite amongst patrons. 

After you’ve said your goodbyes, Aemond halts as you walk away, “Wait!” 

He turns inside the projection room and comes back to hand a little celluloid square to you. “Here.” 

You bring it up against the sunlight and feel giddy realizing it’s a still from the movie.  

“I cut this little bit when the film jammed.” Aemond confesses, making your heart swoon. 

“Won’t someone notice the missing scene?” 

He just shakes his head and smiles, “It must be only a second. No one will notice."

“Thank you.” You bring the delicate still to your heart and go on your way, completely missing the way Aemond was left gazing longingly at your figure for a moment before retreating to the confine of the cinema. 

Fandom Manifesto: Hello From The Hallowoods

(Originally written for the Fandomanifesto community on Pillowfort.)

Here's a (mostly spoiler-free) fandom manifesto for my favorite podcast, Hello From The Hallowoods. (Please try to keep the comments on this post spoiler-free as well.)

What is a fandom manifesto?

Inspired by ship manifestos, a fandom manifesto is an essay meant to introduce people to a fandom and promote it by explaining its appeal. It's a really fun tradition that I would love to keep going.

What is Hello From The Hallowoods?

Darker than your dreams, and farther North than you remember, there is a forest where life and death meet…

Hello From The Hallowoods is a queer horror podcast written and produced by William A. Wellman (they/them). This is the official description (taken from Spotify):

Come walk between the black pines! In this award-winning queer fiction podcast, a cosmic narrator follows the increasingly connected residents of the forest at the end of the world. It's a bittersweet story that explores queer identity, horror genre tropes, and finding hope in humanity's last moments.

It's set in a forest in northern Canada (the Hallowoods) in a post-apocalyptic world plagued by the black rains. The story follows the inhabitants of the Hallowoods—only some of whom are alive and human—as their lives become increasingly interconnected. 

The podcast is narrated by Nikignik (he/they), also known as One Hundred Eyes in the Dark, an eldritch god who speaks directly to the listener via their nightmares. He begins to tell these stories because he's grieving his partner, another god called Marolmar (he/him), and humans were the last thing Marolmar created. Over time, Nikignik changes from a more passive narrator to an active character in the story.

There are a lot of characters, including but not limited to:

a nonbinary Frankenstein's creature piercing together their identity

a trans ghost dealing with his occultist father

an invisible man finding love at first sight

a genderfluid storm witch trying to prove themself

a retired rockstar and her punk butch lesbian daughter

a floral-suit-wearing demon on a celestial audit of earth

a starwolf on a mission to kill said demon

a killer robot skull and his pet dead seagull

an unkindness of ravens (yes, they are one character)

… and many, many more.

How scary is it?

It's a horror podcast, so there are some scary moments, but for me, the story feels very comforting and bittersweet as it explores horror tropes in a really unique way. According to the website:

It's been described as a show that helps you sleep easier, rather than one that keeps you up at night.

The story also explores themes like religious trauma, isolation, death, grief, and queerphobia, so please check the content warnings at the end of each episode description or at the start of each episode transcript. Transcripts are available on the website.

Why should I listen to it?

If the description above didn't convince you, here are some more reasons why you should listen to Hello From The Hallowoods. 

There is so much content! I often complain about books being almost always standalones or duologies lately and TV seasons only being 8-10 episodes. If I really like something, I want to spend as much time with it as possible!

With HFTH, I don't have that problem because there is so much to listen to! There are currently (almost) 150 episodes available (plus a few live shows and bonus episodes), and new episodes come out every Wednesday. There are also weekly 100-word bonus stories on Patreon, and a tie-in novel called One Hundred Eyes In The Dark is currently in the works, so if you're looking for a story you can get really invested in (or if you're angry that all your favorite shows have been canceled), HFTH is perfect for you!

There are so many queer characters, disabled characters, and characters of color! If you're looking for a really diverse show, you will love HFTH. (I cried when I heard a character describe herself as aromantic.) But even aside from the diversity, the characters are just amazing. I mean, "What if Frankenstein's creature got love and support and was an absolute cinnamon roll?" is the perfect character concept. The villains are also really compelling and well-written. 

It's a great introduction to podcasts, especially for book lovers, because it often feels like a very immersive audiobook! The voice acting and music are incredible, and even though there are a lot of characters, you can tell them apart very easily by their voices. If you like fantasy and horror books, this could be your introduction to the world of audio dramas. 

That being said, if you have listened to other horror podcasts before, you will still love this one! It sometimes reminds me of Welcome To Night Vale, but the setting and characters are very unique, and the writing is so, so beautiful. 

It's also a great introduction to horror! I used to avoid horror media because I get scared very easily, but horror podcasts (and especially Hello From The Hallowoods) made me discover how much I actually enjoy horror. HFTH explores horror tropes in such a kind, unique, and hopeful way, and as sappy as that sounds, listening to it makes the horrors of everyday life a little easier to deal with. 

If you like Malevolent (another really great horror podcast), Harlan Guthrie has a guest role in HFTH! You might also recognize Mx. Wellman's voice from other podcasts like WOE.BEGONE, The Silt Verses or Old Gods of Appalachia. 

The fandom is amazing! Everyone is so kind and talented, and we always have a lot of fun theorizing about what will happen next. There's even a fan-run Discord server!

We also have a fan wiki, and in addition to the official information, we also have a "fun gender" for each character. Here are some of my favorites:

Tumblr Sexyman (Official)

Eye-Affiliated Podcast Host

Deer that will fuck you up

Whatever the hell was going on with the guy from Shape Of Water

Nightmare Personality

Hot Topic Goth

Dilf Automobile

How do I listen to it?

You can listen to Hello From The Hallowoods on the podcatcher of your choice. Here are some suggestions from the Hallowoods website:

Spotify

Apple Podcasts

Podbean

YouTube

Google Podcasts

It's not an anthology, so please listen to it from the beginning to see how the different characters and plot threads come together. 

The show is entirely ad-free and sponsor-free, so if you like it and want to financially support it, please consider joining the show’s Patreon.

And that's it! There are many things I didn't include for spoiler reasons, but this should give you a basic idea of what HFTH is about and why I love it so much. 

I hope I convinced you to listen to Hello From The Hallowoods, and maybe you will love it as much as I do!

Scooters Suck!

Anon Requested dad!Justin fluff

Disclaimer: this is a work of FICTION, the characters are fictionalized versions of real life situations and real people. It’s all based on my imagination.

Masterlist

“My sweet girl. It’s time to wake up.” You run your hand along your daughter’s face, having just transitioned to a toddler bed in the last month, it was so much easier to now that you didn’t have to reach into a crib to grab her. It was also much easier for her to get out of bed at night and during nap time, but that was a work in progress.

“No mama,” she turns her back to you, definitely not a morning person just like her dad. “I’m still sleepy.”

“Okay, I guess daddy is gonna have to leave for his game later today without his special basket…”

“Oh no!” She sits up, her hair all in disarray, “I didn’t finish daddy’s basket!”

You put your head down to hide your amusement at her sudden burst of energy. “How about this, you go brush your teeth and get ready and I’ll go get your stuff and we can finish the basket together? So it’ll be ready for when daddy has to leave. Sound good?”

“Sounds great mama, thank you.” She smiles, wrapping herself around one of your arms and using you to scoot out of bed. Remi runs to the bathroom while you head into the playroom and grab the basket she’s been working on. The Chargers were heading to New England this afternoon to play the Patriots and Remi thought it would be the perfect idea to send Justin off with some gifts. He’d be home in an hour or so to say goodbye after his morning meetings so you two had to hurry.

This “special basket” started when Remi was two, as a way to distract her from the fact that Justin wouldn’t be home. Sometimes it was little snacks or a blanket or some random thing your toddler wanted to give him. Even if it was just for two days, that one night without him was hard on her. So you came up with an idea to have this “basket” ready for road games to keep everyone happy. You knew that leaving Remi was hard on Justin too. You could’ve sworn he cried a little the first time he had to leave for an away game when she was born even if he denies it.

“I thought I heard my two favorite girls in here.” Justin pokes his head in, kneeling down and opening his arms as Remi takes off and jumps into them. She kisses his cheek and clings onto his neck as he stands up, holding her firmly in his arms.

“Hi daddy.”

“Hi mini. What are you up to?”

“Me and mama made you some stuff. Wanna see?”

He walks her over the table, gently setting her down so she can begin her presentation. There were two Gatorades, yellow and blue of course. A “note” that Remi finished and had you sign approximately three seconds before he came home, and a new Nike beanie because Remi claimed that the one he had been wearing was “yucky,” one of her favorite words to get her point across. “This might be one of your best baskets. I love it, thank you both.”

“I have one more suprise, wait right here daddy. Don’t leave.” Before he can give her a response she runs out of the room, coming back in with her hands behind her back, waiting to reveal her tiny stuffed panda. “You can take Baby Po with you. He can take care of you, like the o-line does, right?”

“You’re exactly right bub. Looks like watching film with dad has been paying off.” You give her a high five.

Justin grabs the basket and the panda and follows the two of you back into the living room to say goodbye. He gives Remi a long hug, spinning her around just to hear her laugh. “Good luck daddy, try your best okay?”

“I will try my very best. You’ll be good and listen to mama?” She nods, “pinky promise?” He holds out his large pinky and she attaches her tiny one to it, kissing their hands to seal the promise. “I love mini, I’ll see you in two days.”

“Love you too. I’ll set a timer.” Remi responds, walking to her room and you can’t help but laugh a little.

Your husband walks over to you and gives you a kiss. “She’s so smart, it scares me.”

“Yeah she’s a little terrifying. Sometimes I forget she’s not even four yet. Never a dull moment with that one that’s for sure. Anyways…you have everything?”

“I do. Guess this is it, I love you and I’ll call you when I get to the hotel tonight.”

You hand him the basket on the counter and steal another peck. “I love you more. Go kick some ass.” You whisper the last part, knowing that Remi isn’t too far away. Of course she runs back in less than a minute later for “one more hug and kissy.”

After lunch and a much needed nap, the two of you needed something to do. “It’s a nice day out, do you wanna go to the park bub?”

“Yeah! I can bring my scooter!” This scooter had been the latest thing she loved. Every single day Remi wanted to take her scooter and go somewhere with it. She even asked if she could bring it to preschool.

“You can ride your scooter but you have to wear your helmet and wait for me to walk with you.”

She nods excitedly, heading off to the mud room. “I need my shoes!”

A park outing usually consisted of Remi needing a snack, a bottle of water and potentially the stroller in case she was too tired to walk back home. You gathered all of your things while Remi waited for you in the garage until you heard a crash along with her high pitched scream. Leaving everything on the counter, you rushed outside to see what happened. Remi was laying on the floor with her scooter on top of her, holding onto her arm.

“Oh baby…did you fall off your scooter?” She nodded slowly, clinging onto your shirt as you lifted the scooter off of her and carried her back inside. You let her cry for a few minutes, cuddling her and rocking her back and forth on the couch until she calmed down. “Can I see your arm?” You cringed at the bruise that was already forming near her wrist so you grabbed an ice pack from the fridge and some elastic wrap so it wouldn’t fall off of your hyperactive toddler. Although you probably shouldn’t have, you got on Google to check for signs of a broken arm on your phone while Remi watched a show. You’d noticed some discoloration already which wasn’t good and she wasn’t really moving it away from her body and after 15 minutes, you took off the ice pack and asked Remi to hold the remote with her injured left hand and she couldn’t do it.

You put your phone down and paused the show, making your daughter stop and stare at you like she was offended. “Sweetie, I think we should take you to the doctor for your arm. So we’re gonna go on an adventure in the car and the doctors are going to look at your arm and make it feel soooo much better. And then we can come back home and finish the movie.”

“I have to see the doctor like uncle Mitch for my ouchie? Why?”

“Yes! Exactly like uncle Mitch. But we’re not going to see him this time we’re gonna see someone closer because they have special tools and everything you need. Some things that mama doesn’t have for you here. So we have to go see them and they’ll make the ouchie feel a little better. Is that okay with you?”

She says yes, holding her good arm out. “Can I hold you?” Which was her version of asking to be carried. You picked her up again, careful of her injured arm and got her in her car seat. Once you got to the hospital, you texted Justin to call you as soon as he could. You sat in on the x-ray and the explanation of the arm fracture and the doctors gave Remi children’s ibuprofen for the pain. One of her nurses asked her if she wanted to watch a movie while she waited for her cast to be put on and she’d been enthralled with it ever since.

You stepped to the other side of the room to answer a call. “Hey, what’s going on? Your text seemed like it was an emergency. Are you two alright?”

“I’m fine,” you sigh, “but Remi fell off her scooter and her arm was really swollen so I took her to the emergency room. It’s broken.”

“Oh my gosh. Okay—um. What did the doctor say? Is she getting a cast? Is she having surgery? How is she?” The questions kept flowing and you could not keep up. It made you feel nice to be the chill parent for once.

“Justin slow down. She’s fine, she’s watching some movie right now and we’re waiting to get her cast molded. No surgery needed but they did give her some pain medicine and an arm cast cover for when she showers. She’s handled everything like a champ honestly.”

“That’s my girl. Can I talk to her?”

You walk back over to the bed and let Remi know that someone special is on the phone. “Daddy?”

A few days later, on his day off, you and Justin decided to pick up Remi from preschool together. She got in her carseat, after a day of waving around her blue cast that she chose because it looked like her dad’s arm sleeve.

“You hungry mini?” Justin asks, feeling like he could use a snack himself.

“Yeah! Can we get ice cream? Please?” She sings, practically begging.

Justin looks at her from the interior rear view mirror then turns to look at you in the passenger seat. “What? Why are you looking at me?”

“This is your fault.”

“Justin, what are you talking about? I didn't do anything.” You laugh.

“She got that from you! Batting those eyelashes and giving me that cute puppy dog face so I’ll do whatever she says. You do that.”

“My baby broke her arm okay? If she says she needs ice cream then we should get her some.” You try to reason with him.

He shakes his head, “her wrist is broken y/n, ice cream isn’t going to fix it.” You can hear her behind you giggling saying she needs ice cream medicine.

“Oh? And where did she get this ice cream obsession from?”

“Fair point. Let’s go to Dairy Queen.”

“Thank you,” you turn around and give your daughter a fist bump.

All in all, she never rode that stupid scooter ever again.

The Five Naughty New Years

A collab between @vanwritesfan-fiction and @w1ldthoughts

A series that follows Jack and the readers relationship through five years of celebrating New Years together in the naughtiest ways.

Year Three

Warnings: language, smut, references to dom/sub relationship

Written by @w1ldthoughts

Jack was throwing this extravagant New Years Party at his home in Louisville tonight. It was going to be this lavish Gatsby themed affair with you starring as Daisy Buchanan. He’d been looking forward to tonight for a while and of course had spent the last few weeks planning out every single detail.

You just wanted to get to the champagne and the sultry dance you had planned for him at the end of the night with “Young and Beautiful” by Lana Del Rey playing in the background. You stood in your closet contemplating which shoes to wear playing with the new ring on your finger while Jack was in the shower.

Ever since you’d gotten engaged it had become your new coping mechanism, the shiny rock on your left hand still took a little time getting used to. But it also symbolized the next chapter of your life. This party Jack had planned would also serve as an engagement announcement so there were some nerves, but mostly just excitement.

You settled on a pair of shiny gold block heels and headed into the bathroom, taking off your clothes and stepping in through the glass doors already beginning to disappear in the steam.

His back was turned to you until he heard you shut the door behind yourself. “Baby, what the hell are you doing in here?” You laughed, looking him up and down before responding. “You always say that we should be more environmentally conscious. So I’m taking your advice and showering with you so we can save water. What’s the problem with that?” You ask innocently, flashing him your sweetest smile.

“I know what you’re doing and we do not have time for that right now. Urb is gonna be here in 20 minutes.” I only need about ten to get what I want, you think to yourself. “I am not doing anything, Jackman. We both need to shower before people start showing up so…hand me my soap. Please.” He handed you the bottle and you began to rub the soap all over your body, making sure that your hands lingered on your breasts and you could’ve sworn you heard his breath hitch.

“Do you need me to wash your back?” Jack asks after clearing his throat.

You nod, handing him the bottle. The water was a comfortable temperature, but his hands on your skin made you feel like you were on fire. While you rinsed off, you turned around and enveloped him with a kiss and he grabbed your wrists, guiding you against the shower wall, deepening the embrace.

Your lips fit together like puzzle pieces, hums and moans of desire painted the room until he abruptly pulled away, cupping your face in his large hands. “Now you know sneaking in here like this would usually get you punished,” he smiles, “but I’m feeling generous today so I’ll try to be gentle.” He turned on the side shower heads without stepping away from you, just so you could feel his erection growing in real time.

Taking one of the shower heads off, he turns down the water pressure and places it in between your legs, the water sending rippling vibrations between your folds. You threw your head back with a moan and you grabbed his shoulder to steady yourself. He continued to tease, letting you know he was going to finish what you started.

The sounds you were making were embarrassing but you had no control over your own body at this point, it all belonged to Jack and when he slowly sank into you, all you could do was clench around him.

You almost cried when he pulled out, holding his dick in his hands. And you knew exactly why he was doing it. “Jack, baby I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have made a show earlier with the soap. I thought you needed a little motivation but I was wrong. Very wrong, so please. Please just—” All of the air in your lungs left your body at his sudden thrust back into you, gripping your hips as he pushed in and out of you with ease. He lifted one of your legs and held it at his hip, the new position hitting a spot that he knew would send you into a new stratosphere.

“So…fucking…sensitive.” He grunted, as your hold on him tightened. Both of you knew there would be marks in the morning.

Jack continued to fuck you through two orgasms until you saw stars and needed him to carry you out of the shower. Maybe you wouldn’t have enough energy for that sultry dance tonight after all.

Tag-List:

@jacks-daycare

@livsters

@katiaw2

@xangelonmyshoulderx

@thatonegirlthatlikesthings

@j0hkiya

@bell3e

@isisosidixj

@caroline334

@lightsoutstyles

@hufflewhore128

@jackscurlyhair

@jackharloww

@brixo

@beautiifulpeople312

@bernelflo

@taniapri

@ageofthebarbarians

@honeyharlows

@aga21

@iheartharlow

@neon-lights-and-glitter

@w1ldthoughts

@jackslilsecrett

@harlowcomehome

@fantasywritersstuff

@exoticr0ses

@iknowdatsrightbih

@itsyagirljaz

@hoodharlow

@bobthe-turmpetman29

@wittyjasontodd

@purecinnamonextract

@fluidsentiment

@comehomeimissyou

Jake x Avatar!Reader x Neytiri

1.25k words (not edited)

Chapter 1 - Context, arriving on Pandora

This is my first time writing avatar or anything like this so please bare with. I am writing this late at night so please be kind 🙏🙏🙏 also constructive criticism would be much appreciated

♡●♡●♡●♡●♡●♡●♡●♡●♡●♡●♡●♡●♡●♡●♡●♡●♡●♡●♡●♡●♡●

You had arrived on Pandora after years floating in the abyss of space. The lack of gravity came as a shock after years asleep, making it feel as if you were still trapped in the never ending dream.

----------

You were a scientist and friend of Grace Augastine when she had been studying on earth, she first looked down at you with your lack of experience and youth but soon she recognised your passion and allowed the budding friendship to blossom. It was during your second year of studying under her that she was called to Pandora for a second time, afterall she had only returned to earth after the tragedy of the school and the RDA.

She had only ever briefly spoken about what happened that day but she still spoke of her students with love and kindness, holding them above almost everyone else she knew. Frequently she would tell you stories of the planet and how its buds would bloom with colours unseen by people on earth and how the animals were something out of fiction. It made you crave to go there.

When she had finally arrived on Pandora you were already deep in the field of environmental sciences, even studying samples of Pandora that she had collected herself, that's when she started sending you little messages with pictures of her avatar and the vibrant nature around her. For her she had seen you a mere few days ago but in reality it had been years.

Despite the time between last speaking to her the friendship remained strong and you opened each message with more curiosity than last.

She had told you about the marine 'Jake' that had joined them recently and how he was a complete moron with no respect for the world around him. Only weeks later she was singing his praises and telling you about how she had rejoined the clan she once and still loved.

You loved it all, you experienced it through her but that never seemed enough.

Then that one fateful day came, you had sat by your computer for months, checking and checking for new messages but nothing came. She had disappeared.

After a long while of waiting you had finally sent the dreaded message to the lab she was working at, asking of her where abouts, if she was okay. Nothing could've prepared you for the message you received, a message sent by one of her lab partners, Norm.

Now you knew of her death, it broke you in unimaginable ways. You felt your tie to the foreign world become severed within an instant, how could simple pixels on a screen completely twist your perception of reality?

So you threw yourself at your work, reading over notes only you had gotten thanks to Grace, you knew everything you could about this foreign world. That's why you were selected.

With the avatar programme under new management they decided they needed more hands to help repair the gaping wound left by the RDA and once Norm found your chat with Grace and heard about your work back on Earth he recruited you.

He had a team craft your own avatar for you.

When you saw it you cried. You felt a newfound connection to your old friend knowing she had experienced what you were going to.

Then you were placed on that flight which only about a dozen people were on to be shipped lightyears out into space.

----------

So here you were, your mouth dry, your body weak and tired despite your death like rest.

You were there in the outer atmosphere of Pandora. There was a large window carved into the far side of the ship, through it you could see the planet you had only heard about but dreamt of going to.

It felt new, fresh, it was a possibility of a new life as you literally had a new body to place yourself into.

A few hours later and you landed on Pandora, a mask clamped tightly around your face as you went from the shuttle to the base. Inside was sleek but more personalised than when the RDA had ran it, you felt yourself begin to feel slightly emotional once more knowing Grace had walked these same hallways were you were now.

It was a short walk to where the few humans of Pandora were, all of them were smiling and happy to greet you along with the team. To your knowledge they had picked a variety of skill sets, a few scientists, farmers and even a few family members.

You didn't know what to expect as you walked in but you knew you were the only one with an avatar.

The team had only enough materials to craft one more avatar due to the lack of government funding and it was gifted to you. You were waiting in this small room until a man entered, introducing himself as the 'Norm' you knew so much but so little about.

The others were soon chased off to do there duties, leaving you standing there, waiting for your own instructions. After a while Norm turned to you, a large smile on his face.

"Welcome, now you know we've given you an avatar because Grace had always spoken so highly of you"

You look at him with a soft smile, it was nice knowing your old friend had spoken fondly of you, he begins to walk through the hallways while spouting scientific facts about the lab around you, clearly wanting you to follow. Finally you reach a room with a thick metal door showing it was of higher security, from the gap between the door and the floor there was a soft blue glow.

"Now this is where we've kept your avatar for the time being, it's in with the link room as with you being the only avatar driver here we have to compact the space a bit more"

He says and he types a code and the door opens, inside a glowing blue tank and inside the tank the slender, hunched form of an avatar.

"She, well you, matured on the flight out"

As he says this you barely pay attention, instead choosing to walk up to the tank and gaze up at the otherworldly figure twitching slightly in the translucent substance. She looked like you but with her features sharper - not dissimilar to a cat - the whole thing enthralled you. Norm looked at you with a slight smile, he wasn't offended at the lack of focus you gave him as he reminded himself of the first time he'd seen his avatar.

"It's cool isn't it?"

He asks, momentarily breaking your train of focus, you turn to him with a sheepish smile knowing you've been preoccupied with your own thoughts.

"Yeah, it's a bit of a shock, Grace always told me about how it felt to be part of the Na'vi tribe, to look like one of them. I guess I'd never thought I'd experience it myself"

You state, it was obvious this whole experience felt surreal it almost wanted to make you pinch yourself to just assure yourself you weren't dreaming.

It was exciting, new and it hadn't even started yet.

Letter One: Smoke and Tears

Love Letters Series Page

wc: 2.7k

genre: angst

warnings: apocalypse au, creature feature, use of weapons (guns), alcohol - brief, injuries (gunshot wounds, though no details), fire. I believe that's all, but if I missed anything, PLEASE LET ME KNOW

summary: It's been over a week since you've heard from Chan, and the guilt is burning him alive.

this is a work of fiction. this fic in no way represents the stray kids members as people, or as a whole. you are responsible of the media you consume. please read responsibly.

series taglist: @straystayvlive, @fawnpeaks, @strayingawayy, @almighty-obsession, @ershyni, @chai-papa, @moon0fthenight, @djeniryuu — comment to be added

Hey, you.

I know I promised to write sooner. There has been a lot happening and while I sat down with my notebook daily, fully intending to respond to your last letter, something forced my attention away. I’m so fucking sorry it took me this long. I haven’t been very good about keeping my promise, have I? 

I promise to change that. Actually. There’s no excuse for missing that week window like I did. And it will never happen again. 

We got to the south side of town seven days ago. It was difficult leaving midtown, but staying there wasn’t practical. On top of all the haunting reminders, it started to get overrun. Rather than cling to the past, desperate to keep it despite its death, we chose to leave. 

The journey south only took us a day or so, but was relatively easy. Jisung cried the entire first day, walking further behind us than we would have preferred. The change has been the hardest for him — he really hasn’t settled in yet here. I’m scared he never will. 

But other than that, there really weren’t many hiccups. I was feeling optimistic; we hadn’t had this good of a journey probably since the start of it all. No injuries, no misplaced anger. Simply doing what we needed to survive. 

We even found a bunker within the day of arrival, saving us the risk of camping out in the open. A tall, abandoned building. I think it used to be an office. The cubicles have been nice. You know how limited privacy is now, so we take what we can get. It was easy to barricade all the exits, and our walkies actually work here (that was the one thing about midtown I despised). There’s even a kitchen! God, what a luxury. Truly, it seemed like a long term place. 

Until day four. 

There’s only two entries to the office; the front and the fire escape. It was Seungmin’s night to guard the front, Hyunjin at the back. I sat in the long conference room with Jisung — the window faces the street. It’s a good lookout. All was quiet, as it had been so far. I pulled out my journal fully intending to write to you. 

That’s when Jisung gasped, pulling his binoculars from his face and hitting me to grab my attention. I grabbed my own, and followed where he was pointing. No, it wasn’t what you’re expecting. 

“Are those people?” Jisung had asked me. 

My vision isn’t bad, but even I had to squint. He was right; though the group wasn’t big, it was obvious by the way they were walking. 

By the torches they were holding. 

For a while, we just watched. But I don’t think it was from lack of entertainment, rather sheer shock. The torches were touching homes, old buildings, flames blossoming at high speeds and dancing in the night sky. Screaming for attention, begging the Nots to come find them. To find all of us. 

The south side isn’t safe. Though the word has spread, I can tell you my love, that I’ve never feared I wouldn’t see you again until we broke into this god forsaken office building. 

Jisung had a window cracked, the perfect amount of space for his sniper to slip through. He was up and at the gun before I could fully process what was happening. 

“I have a shot.” He says within seconds, the cracked circular glasses fogging up. “At one. I could take at least three out—“

“Don’t.” I said, adjusting the binoculars to get a better view. Twelve people, I counted. All around our age, a mix of men and women. Each of them laughed as they turned the earth to ash. “Wait.”

“Chan, we need to act now.” He’s getting ready. I can tell. Tongue between his teeth, digging until the muscle breaks into a tiny cut, blood slowly filling his mouth. “They’re headed our way.”

He’d give away our location, I explained. The group isn’t close enough to be a danger. We need to wait, to see if there's a motive behind the destruction. Humanity is all united against the dark — there has to be a purpose behind this betrayal. 

Jisung wasn’t happy with me. Between forcing him from midtown and now this, I feared that night that if we didn’t lose our lives, I’d lose one of my most trusted friends. Still, he didn’t shoot, following the one we picked as the leader with his gun. Ready in case the okay was given. 

It didn’t take long for me to allow it. I don’t want our letters to just be about the horrors we’re facing. The suffering of being apart. So I will spare you the details of what made me allow the shot, and death of these twelve people. 

We didn’t see the thirteenth until it was too late. Until the makeshift cross was pitched in the center of the burning homes, the screams of this man were loud enough to wake the dead. In a world where everything has been taken from us, our lives forced apart, something I believe we all deserve is safety. 

Except for the twelve. While I mourned the man, I was delighted to watch the fire claim its creators. 

The rest of the night was quiet. Jisung and I sat in silence as we watched other refugees extinguish the flames, sharing a can beer we had been shaving. The luxury felt needed after what we had witnessed. 

His hair has gotten long. I think you’d really like it; it’s charming, especially when he ties in a little half pony. The cut on his cheek I mentioned in my last letter has healed nicely; Seungmin is getting better at his stitch work. The stars weren’t visible that night, but with the moonlight that pooled in from the windows, his eyes made you think there were. 

After he took a sip of the beer, his face twisted in disgust. “This is rancid.”

It made me laugh, the dramatic way he stuck out his tongue as he searched for the water jug. “I think it might be a little expired.”

“Oh? You think?”

“If you want to be a bitch, then I’ll just finish it off.”

God. I wish you could have seen the way he smiled, or could have felt the warmth that filled my chest at the sight of it. It’s been so long since I’ve seen Jisung smile like that. He even laughed, which made me do the same even though my eyes were burning from smoke and tears. 

I volunteered to keep watch the next few nights, though it didn’t come without push back. I said I wasn’t tired, though the truth is that I didn’t want to subject the rest of them to the suffering happening outside this building. They’ve had it hard enough, and I don’t want to add to their burden. 

Day five, Felix and Changbin went out to find supplies. We made a list — things we needed, things we wanted. If a luxury could be stolen, it should be. Felix had the paper, smiling brightly at me when I gave it to him. 

I never expected to hear his sobs mere hours later. Head on Hyunjin’s lap as Seungmin tended to the wound he had gotten while they were at a store. They ran into a group of humans, they said. In the same building, though at the other side. While Changbin kept his gun drawn, they agreed to ignore them. That’s just what you do — let others survive. 

Until they saw them. And laughed, laughed, laughed when they shot Felix in the thigh. Changbin’s voice trembled when he described the group of people. Jisung looked at me, face expressionless but eyes wide. 

There were more than twelve.

Superficial, Seungmin said. He was able to remove the bullet and tend to the wound. Felix would be okay, other than the limp he’s sure to suffer long term. 

“Charming, in a way.” Seungmin joked, but it made Lix laugh. Exactly what we all wanted; if he loses his sunshine, what’s the point?

We were blessed with day six. Nothing happened. Literally — Jeongin even started to nod off at his position. The day was spent playing cards or huddling around the beat up radio. Hyunjin started a mural on one of the walls, the colors bringing us the joy we so desperately needed. 

I spent the day in one of the empty conference rooms. Sitting under the window, thumbing through the photo book you gave me. Remember that day we went to the movies to see some cheesy Christmas movie? You hated it, mocking it the entire time just to get teary eyed at the end. In the parking lot, you hit me with a snowball and how was I to let that slide? I love that photo of you, drenched in water and snow, laughing as you build another snowball. 

I flipped through it over and over, happily losing myself in the worlds tucked in those glossy photos. Though everything in the world is meeting a fiery end, you are the one constant. The driving force behind my survival, behind the protection of the others. Without you, I would succumb to the flame. Life is not worth living without you, even if all I have is letters and memories. 

Fire may take your words, though it will never take my heart. 

That day would have been a wonderful one to write. But instead I spent it reading your letters, tracing the characters of your name. How does it look so lovely? How do you make words beautiful? I spent it looking at your pictures, bringing the album to my nose and inhaling deeply. It still has faint hints of the home we shared together. Do you think we might be able to return one day? Even if not, it won’t matter. I just want you. 

But closer. We are getting closer, and closer to getting to you. It’s taken more time than I would have liked, but the apocalypse doesn’t really like making time for people. By the time you read this, we’ll have left the south side. Step by step, closer to you. 

I miss the way you kiss me. The way your lips feel against my body. I miss your breath tangling with mine like the snow colored sheets we used to lay upon. I miss inhaling you, breathing you. The way your breath would hitch when you’re surprised, when you feel good. The little huffs of air your face before laughing your heart out. 

Fuck. I need to hear that sound again. The cassette tape you sent me isn’t enough anymore. I need you.

I fell asleep in that office, your letters pressed to my chest. And when I dreamed, it was only of you. Watching the smoke hand and hand. 

The sixth day, yesterday, the Nots arrived.

We watched as they entered the town; boney backs arched, long nails scraping the streets. Their horrible squeals were almost piercing, even with our windows shut. It’s always so chilling to see them; the remains of humanity lingering on their morphed bodies. Slowly, they slink down the street. Sniffing for any signs of life. 

Felix was tucked in one of the bathrooms with Seungmin, a walkie turned on loud. If we needed to go, it needed to be fast — which left Hyunjin packing our belongings as Changbin, Jisung, and I stood in the very same conference room where we first saw the twelve. 

“They look rough.” Changbin comments, leaning against the window. He had been keeping watch on the front entrance; even though Jeongin and Minho were standing guard. A warning would be valued. “They’re hungry.”

Jisung gagged at the word, cleaning his glasses with the sleeve of his sweater. “Fucking gross, don’t say that—“

“Why do you think they’re so loud? They’re getting desperate.”

At this point, I realized my optimism was playing a part in my downfall. Even as I watched the crowd of Nots scavenge the debris, looking in trash cans and behind fences, I could only think about how lucky we were to be so high up. They couldn’t touch us, tucked away on the fifth floor of the building. 

The lookout walkie gave a crackling noise before Minho’s voice cut through; clear, measured, even though his tone was obviously frantic. 

“Breach at the fire escape.” He says quickly. 

I picked up our walkie. “Do you hear anything?”

It felt like a century before he responded, all of us holding our breath as we waited. The silence was more chilling than the shrill squawks below. It’s one we all know too well; they’ve found prey. I can only hope it isn’t us. 

Minho clicks back on, and I realize it was naive of me to be scared of the Nots. “Laughter.”

The room began to spin, my ears void of all sound except the sound of laughter. Louder and louder it, closer and closer to our floor. The most horrible melody, leaving the bitter taste of blood in my mouth as my body feels like it’s melting. 

They have flames. 

“Seungmin, take Felix out the front.” I clicked in, trying to stay as calm as possible. “Now, hurry—“

“The Nots are out.” Changbin says, eyes bouncing from the direction of the fire escape to the window. “They’re not going to make it.”

“We don’t have a choice.” Jisung mumbles, opening a window to set his gun up. He squints one eye, tracking the creatures with the barrel of his gun. “I’ll take out as many as I can.”

It was a lose/lose. No matter which exit we took, the risk was high. But something in my gut told me that we rather deal with the Nots than whatever is making that bloodcurdling laugh. 

“How close are they, Minho?”

The silence is a beat too long. “Too close. We need to fucking go.” 

There wasn’t much more than needed to be said. By the time Jisung had shot down a good number of Nots, the laughter was accompanied by banging. Slow, hollow knocks. Their fists were hitting the door. 

And then came the heat. 

The flames grew slowly from under the metal door, dancing on the worn out carpet. By the time we were rushing down the main staircase, it had already enveloped the room I had slept in. Where I had dreamed of you. 

If it weren’t for Jisung, we probably wouldn’t have been able to escape as easily as we did. Hurdling over twitching bodies of Nots, we kept our gaze ahead. Running past the cross, ducking behind remains of buildings. I don’t know how long we ran for until we came across an empty convenience store. Changbin pushed a stand against the door after we cleared it. Boxing ourselves in temporary shelter. 

At the window, Jisung stood. Arms crossed, watching the smoke tangle with the clouds. He heard me coming, yet didn’t even look up at me. “I told you we should have never left the mid.”

He didn’t sleep last night. Neither did I.

We are leaving the store pretty soon. Seungmin is checking on Felix’s wound, Changbin and Minho mapping out a new route as I write. We’re heading east this time. I’m not sure when we will stop yet. 

But east means we’re closer to you. 

I’m mailing the letter today, too. According to the calendar we’ve been keeping, it’s now August 23. The heat has been sweltering here — how is it there, for you? Probably that much different, but you’re further north than us. I can only hope a cool fall breeze will greet us when I meet you again. 

I picked a new spot for you to send your letter as our location has changed — I’ll attach a map to this and check it daily. I know we’ll be in that area for a while, so  send there for now. Hopefully we won’t have to flee again, but I won’t be too optimistic this time. 

The world may be on fire, but so is my love for you (hahahahaha). But truly, if it weren’t for you, the apocalypse wouldn’t seem so bearable. 

Stay safe, my love. I’m coming home soon.

Forever yours,

Chan

8 Makes 1 Team

No matter how different, without one of us there is no 8 makes 1 Team

Synopsis : In which 8 boys build a friendship despise of their differences with the help of a psychiatrist

Pairing : psychiatrist! Reader x Ateez (for now )

Warnings : this chapter includes mentions of , heavy abuse , crying , minor panic attack, , vomiting , Ptsd , burned bodies ,please tell me if I forgot something , and I’m not romanticizing disorders in anyway and this is pure fiction meaning this doesn’t represent Ateez in any type of way

And I would like to apologize and just like to explain that after I post the chapters of you guys getting to meet the patients (Ateez ) there will be back stories as to why they are where they are and etc , besides I do my research before writing about these disorders and other things

Tag list : @veneziamadness , @hcyaa , @sadcoffeecritic , @aapplepii , @lavishloving , @dogsongy ,

Also if you want to be added to the tagging list for the next chapter comment so I can add you

I apologize for taking longer than I actually wanted to upload this chapter, this is the final chapter of meeting all 8 boys the next chapters will be them meeting each other at breakfast time in two groups with each four members

Word count: 1,5k

MEETING JONGHO

𝗣𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝟬𝟴𝟮𝟯

𝙉𝙖𝙢𝙚 : 𝘾𝙝𝙤𝙞 𝙅𝙤𝙣𝙜𝙝𝙤

𝗕𝗶𝗿𝘁𝗵𝗱𝗮𝘁𝗲 : 𝗢𝗰𝘁𝗼𝗯𝗲𝗿 𝟭𝟮, 𝟮𝟬𝟬𝟬

𝗛𝗲𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁: 𝟭.𝟳𝟲𝗺

𝘿𝙞𝙨𝙤𝙧𝙙𝙚𝙧: 𝙋𝙤𝙨𝙩 𝙩𝙧𝙖𝙪𝙢𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙘 𝙨𝙩𝙧𝙚𝙨𝙨 𝙙𝙞𝙨𝙤𝙧𝙙𝙚𝙧

𝘋𝘪𝘴𝘤𝘭𝘢𝘪𝘮𝘦𝘳𝘴: 𝘸𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘥𝘪𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘭𝘺 𝘧𝘰𝘤𝘶𝘴 𝘰𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘮𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘢𝘷𝘰𝘪𝘥 𝘦𝘺𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘢𝘤𝘵, 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘱𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘴 𝘢 𝘣𝘳𝘰𝘬𝘦𝘯 𝘴𝘭𝘦𝘦𝘱 𝘱𝘢𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘯 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘱𝘢𝘴𝘵 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘴 , 𝘳𝘦𝘨𝘶𝘭𝘢𝘳 𝘮𝘦𝘭𝘵𝘥𝘰𝘸𝘯𝘴 , 𝘮𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘩𝘪𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘧𝘳𝘶𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘥

She was going through the patients files and organizing them since there was still time before meeting her last patient

All files had bunch of pictures from their childhood and other stuff inside boxes so Y/n took out everything and started reading through the boys files

" A diary ? "

The blue book with bears was opened as she started to read through it

February 16th , I came home from school to my parents loud commotion again one thing I was glad about was that my little brother stayed at a friends house

She continued reading carefully and making notes about him on her book for all of the eight boys

" So he had lived with problematic Parents ? "

She flipped the page

February 22 , Dad hit mom again after coming home drunk he had lost his job and blamed it on her for some reason, I hid underneath the staircase afraid he'd come up to my room and see me or grab my little brother so I told him to hide under his bed until I get him

She frowned and continued flipping the pages reading through it

March 5 , Mom cried because she couldn't afford to buy me a new school uniform so I had to go to school with the same from last semester, I don't blame her dad spends all our saved money on drinks and than blames us for being miserable , I wish I could work to help mom and wipe away her tears

" So his dad was the abusive one "

Y/n made notes feeling her heart beat a bit faster when she just got a glimpse of imagination from the whole situation

March 29 , Dad put his hands on mom because a friend tried to help her pay for us , he beat and cut her hair off , I watched her look at herself in the bathroom that night with tears streaming down her beautiful face, mom saw me and shushed me telling me to go back into my room and not make a noise

Y/n looked away as she started imagining the situation in graphic details

April 30 , I came back from school to see ambulances , firefighters and the police surrounding my home , they tried taking out the fire as people looked worried and started crowding around the house, I saw how my little brother's body hugged my moms as they held each other severely burnt  lifeless , my dad had put the house on fire because my mom wanted to divorce him and take us away , and that was the last day I ever saw the people I cared about the most after that beautiful morning

Y/n stood up and ran to the nearest sink and started throwing up as her whole body shook in terror

" Gosh , h-how can someone do this "

She held onto the sink and tried calming down as tears fell

" What's wrong with her ? "

The voices of her colleagues entering the break room made her wash her mouth and clean out the sink quickly

" Is everything alright? "

Someone asked her while biting into their apple

" Yeah I'm fine just felt a little overwhelmed "

She smiled and started packing the stuff back inside the box and putting it away

" Have a nice break "

Y/n went out the room and made her way to her patients room after calming down fully

" He is in a very isolated situation "

The guard told her after pressing the button allowing her to enter the boys room

She slowly entered and saw him look at his feet as they swayed back and forth

" Hey , how are you doing? "

He looked at her and stopped swaying his feet

" If your here because tha-"

" Don't worry I'm not trying to persuade into talking about anything , just checking up on you and introduce myself "

She smiled at him and sat on the chair she brought with her

" Who are you ? "

" Well I'm Y/n your new psychiatrist and the one that it's in charge of you now "

" What do you mean in charge of me now "

She chuckled and waved her hands

" As in help you getting better , im the one assigned for your needs here "

" That's just bullshit , y'all just say stupid meaningless things in hope to make us believe it so you can gain money "

He scoffed and sat up

" I'm going to be frank with you , some of these psychiatrists here  are the most disgusting human beings I have ever seen and witnessed the type of behavior they sell out "

" I know that , I saw some worker  push some kids head into the laundry machine as I passed to go to the cafeteria "

He shrugged his shoulders

" I just want to assure you that I am not like them , and if you'd give me a chance I'll show you what I mean "

She smiled and clapped her hands together

" You seem like a happy go lucky person and it kinda scares me "

" Oh so you prefer me to act like a monster? "

She stood up and ran around doing silly things making the boy look at her weirdly

" Why are you doing frog sounds if you said your a monster ? "

" Really ? Well how does a monster sound than ? "

He looked away and teared up slowly

" Is everything alright ? "

"M-My mom knew how to make monster sounds "

The boy teared up and wiped his nose

" Hey , I'm sorry for making you upset "

She said softly indicating him to breath in and out before he could get  a panic attack

" I saw their burnt bodies t-that day "

He kept rambling and sobbing rocking himself back and forth

" Is it ok if I wrap my hands around you ? "

She held out her arms and waited for the boy to come on his own

" Remember if it makes you uncomfortable than you can decline the offer alright? "

Y/n counted slowly as she saw him whimper and cry out loud

" He-e said he will kill me once he's out "

Loud cries where heard as he cried with his eyes closed 

" Listen can you tell me where you are now ? "

“ H-He’s staring at me ”

" Try touching the stress balls "

She had put some anti  stress toys on his bed to get him back into reality

" Good job keep kneading them and when I tell you to count till twenty you'll open your eyes

Y/n kept monitoring him as she felt him slowly focus more on the touches

“ Just focus on the smell I’ll be waving around your nose and tell me what it is "

She grabbed a strong mint oil and swung it around his nose as he sobbed

“ Tell what do you smell ”

“ I-It’s minty and strong it’s burning my nose ”

Y/n removed the bottle and waited for him to fully focus on his own

“ Keep breathing in and out , I’m here ”

The boy sniffed and slowly tried opening his eyes making Y/n feel bad because she slightly triggered him

“ Where are you now ? ”

“ I-In my room ”

He finally looked at her and wiped his eyes

“ I’m sorry for making you uncomfortable ”

She apologized looking at him with a sad smile

“ What is your name again ? ”

“ Y/n what about you ? ”

“ I’m J-Jongho ”

He sniffed again and looked at her as his eyes darted towards the mini bag she had with her

“ Want to know what’s in here ? ”

Jongho nodded and waited patiently

“ I brought you something that will help you a lot , there may be days I’ll be busy with the other patients and I won’t be able to check on you on time so I bought you a friend to keep you company for the while ”

She pulled out a yellow bear that had a hat on and a small Apple on his hand

“ Do you like it ? ”

He smiled at the bear and looked at her

“ It’s beautiful and smells like vanilla ”

“ You’ll find out the purpose why the bear gives out that smell ”

“ Thank you , you do seem nice but I don’t trust you that much fully ”

“That’s ok , trust comes first and also tomorrow you can have breakfast with the other boys if you’d like ”

“ I’ve never really left my room , are their big boys ? are they mean ? ”

“ Don’t worry the other three boys are nice but you don’t need to come if you don’t want to ”

He looked at the bear and back up to her

“ Can I take Joongie with me ? ”

She smiled and nodded

“ What a cute name you picked I like it ”

Y/n stood up and clapped the chair together

“ Well Jongho I’m looking forward to tomorrow, is there anything you’d like to eat ? ”

“ I don’t really like sweet stuff ”

“ How about a cheesy toast ? ”

He smiled and nodded

“ I’ll see you tomorrow than sweet dreams ”

She waited for him to lay back down and finally left

Getting to know patient 0823 done

The Syndicate - Chapter 6 : Un-Killable

Pairings: Choi San X Female Reader, Park Seonghwa X Female Reader, Ateez X Female Reader

Genre: Lots of angst, Romance, Crime Fiction, Psychological Drama

Word Count: 5.8k

Tags/Warnings: For Mature Audiences, Language, Graphic Violence, Mentions of Illegal activities (i.e Kidnapping, extortion, assassination etc.), y/n gets roughed up by Wooyoung like twice , Slow Burn, Fluff sometimes, Work In Progress, Non-Idol AU, Mafia AU, Very suggestive at times, y/n cries alot, y/n having inner turmoil, Ateez being bad boys, Wooyoung and Yeosang are a little mean in this story tbh, Guns, Gunshot wounds, Assassination attempt(s), mentions death and acts of violence

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT!!

Spotify Playlist🎵 | Series Masterlist📝

Author's Note 💌: Hi, It's been about two weeks since I posted the last chapter so I'm here to keep my promise about posting at least twice every month! Unfortunately I didn't realize how short this chapter actually is. Either way it's a good one though, there are also some parts I may fix and add onto later since I'm posting this close to 2 am and I'm exhausted so I hope you guys still enjoy it either way! ^^

‧⋆ ✧˚₊‧⋆. ✧˚₊‧⋆‧‧⋆ ✧˚₊‧⋆. ✧˚₊‧⋆‧‧⋆ ✧˚₊‧⋆. ✧˚₊‧⋆‧‧⋆ ✧˚₊‧⋆.

A whole 2 months passes by and I notice San has become somewhat distant and has been spending most of the time either in his office by himself or in the conference room with the rest of the guys. Although Seonghwa, Jongho, Yunho and Mingi still interact with me they become very vague anytime I ask them about San. There were a few occasions where I wanted to try and see what exactly they were talking about but because there's always a goon outside the door now keeping a lookout so I could never get close enough to hear. One day I asked Seonghwa why they spent so much time in the conference room and the only thing he told me is "We're sorting things out." As for me, this whole time after I ran the 3 people’s names in the police database and nothing came up I realized these people are basically ghosts with no paper trails on the database meaning I’ve been having to investigate on foot and tailing them. The only thing San left for me as a place of reference and a place to start was a club on the east side of the city which actually turned out to be a club named "Enigma" that they own under a fake identity but another thing San left on the note is that these 3 people are brothers who run an underground black market out of it. So far everything is fine with them, no meetings with any other rival groups. If anything, these brothers definitely know how to treat their allies by providing them with weapons and other resources that are otherwise considered inaccessible to which I'm assuming this is the reason San wants to work with them. Which leads me to where I am right now, heading home after a long couple of days of consecutively tailing and observing these people. What's been really weird is that San called me at least once everyday to check in on me in the beginning but it's been 2 weeks and nothing. I sigh while I look at the dark road ahead of me, taking in the scene of complete emptiness with a beautifully glittery night sky which left me feeling a bit emotional. I slowly begin to tighten my grip on the steering wheel. I’ve had so many chances to leave but why aren’t I taking them? Have I seriously grown attached?

I reach for my phone and very anxiously I glance at the screen while I keep my eyes on the road and look at my recent calls, the last time I called San was two days ago. I stare at his name on my screen for a few seconds and decide to just hit the call button. The ringing starts and by the 4th ring I'm sent to voicemail immediately making my heart sink. He didn't answer, again. My vision begins to blur the bright headlights and the road ahead of me slightly begins to distort until warm tears stream down my cheeks then I let out a small sigh “Why? What did you do to me?” Why do I have to make things more difficult for myself? The original plan was to have San trust me enough to let me leave his headquarters, but now that he's given me that permission I can't seem to leave. Why?

I try to compose myself and wipe my tears away with one hand while I keep my other hand on the steering wheel. In the distance I see the headquarters, and realize that most of the drive home I spent it worrying about him and questioning myself. When I arrive I walk inside headquarters I notice it seems empty, and by empty I mean too quiet. There's almost always someone in the building, whether it's Seonghwa drinking his tea in the lounge, Hongjoong on his computer in the server room, Wooyoung playing cards with Mingi, Yeosang and Yunho in the living room, even Jongho's occasional little breaks after he's been working all afternoon. So when I walk over to the lounge and notice it's completely empty my stomach feels like it flipped upside down. Where is everyone? I walk around the building and no one was there except of course the goons who keep watch on the building 24/7 now so I decide I'm going to just ask one of them as to why it's so empty because this is weird.

There’s a very tall and heavy build goon outside of San's office, he was so scary looking. Although his suit made him look a little less scary. "Um excuse me but where is everyone? Why is it so empty here?" Without flinching the man simply responds with "They're sorting out a few things they'll be back soon Miss y/n." I exhale then I run my fingers through my loosely curled hair "Okay yes, but where are they? What are they doing?" Keeping a straight face without even looking at me he responds "I'm sorry Miss y/n but that's all I know." I narrow my eyes in disbelief. Does he really think I’m that stupid? "That can't be, you have to know where they are. You were given orders by San not to tell me anything weren't you?" The man stands there looking straight ahead pretending he didn't hear me. I look at him for a few seconds more waiting if he'll say anything but he never does then I clench my jaw and say through my teeth "Fine, I'll take that as a yes." I scoff and walk away to my room, when I get there I throw myself onto my bed. I lay there in bed for a few minutes until I fall asleep.

A few hours later I hear commotion downstairs, it was San and the guys. ”I’m exhausted. Now all we need is to kill that old bastard.” Wooyoung comments. ”Well at least we’re done now, I thought it was going to take a lot longer to pull this off.” Hongjoong responds. I look over at the clock and it was around 4 am then I get up and hurriedly head downstairs and notice they’re all dressed in black like they were in a robbery of some sort. All the talking stops and becomes dead silent when everyone notices I’m in the room then Seonghwa walks towards me and nervously smiles “Hey, what are you doing here? Weren’t you on an errand?” I shrug with a straight face “I just got back a few hours ago, what about you guys? Why’s everyone dressed like this? Did I miss something?” San walks up to me and pats my back and smiles “Nothing, we just went to go handle something don’t worry about it.” I furrow my brows and look directly into San’s eyes “Let me guess you still went even after I told you not to…” San shakes his head and reassuringly pats my head “Didn’t we agree to forget about this? I said I wasn’t going to..” Seonghwa, MIngi, and Yunho look over at San with a very odd facial expression then Wooyoung says “You have your jobs and we have ours. San’s allowed to do what he wants it’s not like you’re his girlfriend.” I slowly nod and give Wooyoung and San a fake smile “Of course, you’re right. I was just wondering considering I've barely seen any of you at all I was just a bit worried.” Yeosang stares right at me with a deadpan face “Why do you even care? It’s not like we’re your friends.” Gosh, I know he’s right but wow that hurt. San's expression grows dark and Seonghwa puts his hand on Yeosang’s shoulder causing him to ease up a bit then I let out a frustrated sigh. Here we go again. “Well, maybe you might not be my friend but if you haven’t noticed there are other people I am friends with.” Wooyoung lets out a mocking laugh “Oh really? They’re your friends? If they were your friends they would have told you what was going on but clearly no one trusts you. You’ve only been here like what? 3 or 4 months and you already want to be let in on everything we do? Sounds just about right for an entitled cop.” San pushes Wooyoung and angrily says “Can you ever shut up?!” Yunho and Jongho rush over to separate them, Yunho holding San and Jongho holds Wooyoung respectively. As much as I’d love to be petty with Wooyoung and drop the bomb on San that his best friend thought it was a great idea to nearly kill me, I’ll keep that to myself. All in due time I guess. I don’t want to create anymore issues for these people. I bite the inside of my cheek trying to recover from that verbal jab. This is embarrassing, maybe Wooyoung is right they do have a right for not trusting me. Just because I gave them access to all these things doesn’t mean anything, for all they know I could be leading them to a trap so I don’t blame them for not trusting me. San angrily stares at Wooyoung "Oh come on San, calm down. I was just expressing everything in everyone's mind." Wooyoung fights back a smirk and San tries to reach over to him causing Yunho to tighten his grip on him.

"You don't speak for everyone here." Seonghwa speaks up looking directly at me reassuringly. Jongho speaks from behind Wooyoung "I agree with San and Seonghwa. You really don't speak for everyone here." Hongjoong sighs and nods "She's not so bad Wooyoung. You know this. You're just being hard headed and paranoid over this situation not to mention overtly territorial over San." Wooyoung lets out a laugh "Me paranoid?! Territorrial?! I know what these cops are capable of doing?! Did you guys forget what happened to San's father?! They easily get into your head and mess with it, they're master manipulators just like Lee. She's just like him and I'm only trying to protect him from things repeating themselves." There's a long silence, evreyone awkwardly looking at eachother. That's when I step in between San and Wooyoung causing evreyone's gaze to shift over to me. I slightly part my lips to speak but then a knot grows in my throat and press them shut. Maybe it's a good idea not to say anything right now and keep the peace. All this fighting isn't going to be worth it in the end. I can't change someone's mind whose already been made. Wooyoung can think anything he wants, I just don't want to hear it anymore. I turn my back to them and walk in the direction of my room.

In the distance I hear Yunho say “Come back just give her some time alone.” followed by fast paced footsteps until a few moments later I feel someone grab my wrist then I look back and it was San. He gently tugs my arm closer to him and I look down still slightly embarrassed for running off in a cowardly way. “y/n, wait… I’m sorry some of them haven’t warmed up to you but I promise it’s not your fault. I know you were just worried.” Beginning to feel drained I shake my head “I’m exhausted, we can talk tomorrow. Right now I just want to be alone.” San gently pushes back a few strands of hair “I understand, but please pay no attention to them especially Wooyoung. Nothing he says has an ounce of truth. I need you here with me, remember that.” I let go of San’s hand and walk towards my room leaving him behind me. When I walk into my room I lay there silently for a few moments until warm tears begin to sting my eyes. Once I get rid of Captain Lee I’m going to leave this place despite how deeply in love I am, or at least try to. I can’t keep putting myself through this.

The next morning while laying in bed I hear Wooyoung shouting in a panicked voice from outside in the hallway “San, they took down all security!” I sit up and quickly change clothes while listening closely to the commotion in the hallways, from what it sounds like someone took down the people guarding the HQ gates which is still kind of far considering we’re in the middle of nowhere. Suddenly San barges into my room with a slightly worried expression and says “y/n, the cops are on their way as we speak. Burn everything you can, everything on your computer wipe it and burn it too.” He hands me a gasoline can and some matches and pats my head “Everything will be okay I promise.” He smiles nervously and before he can walk away I pull on the sleeve of his rolled up dress shirt “Why are the cops coming? Is it because of what you guys were doing earlier today?” San’s smile disappears into a straight line and a serious expression then he runs his fingers through his hair “Please don’t get mad, I know you said you didn’t want me to follow through with breaking into the evidence room but I went ahead and did it anyway. I’m sorry. I genuinely thought everything went well I swear I made sure no one followed us but I guess I was wrong.”

I clench my free hand to the point my knuckles turn white. The silence between us lasted as a long instant, and while the anger welled up in my chest. He was looking at me with his gaze of expectation for me to simply forgive him and move on but as of right now I can’t. I won't. Instead it pisses me off because it seems like everything I tell him Is being ignored. Everything that’s happening right now was because of him but what do I expect from a criminal anyway? If anything I shouldn’t even be surprised, I should have known he was going to pull something like this. I raise my hand back and throw my hand forward as hard as I can, whipping it across his face. The crack of skin contacting skin echoed off the metal walls of my room. His face then turns back to me while he slowly runs his hand along his cheek and without another word I walk away. Part of me knows and is well aware I’m running away from my problems but at the moment I was more focused on escaping the police and wiping the computer of any evidence, I can’t get caught now. Nobody can find out I was kept alive.

I run into my work room and over to the computer and begin trying to reimage it to delete all the data on the hard drive then the screen shows a percentage bar and on the bottom of it read “Time Remaining: 35 minutes” I rub my forehead in frustration and grab the tower of the computer, toss it across the room a few times until it eventually splits open then I grab the can of gasoline and pour most of it on the motherboard and the hard drive. I pull out a match from the match box in my pocket and light it then flick it directly inside the computer case immediately igniting a huge fire. After burning a few papers and files I head down the hallway and I notice Yeosang looking out the window and calmly loading his gun while gazing into the distance then I realize he was looking at the various police cars, a helicopter and a few SWAT vehicles getting in position. Someone taps my shoulder and when I turn it was Mingi, he hands me a gun and says “Good luck” I nod taking the gun making sure there was ammo “Same to you.” Out of seemingly nowhere Yeosang begins to shoot causing me to slightly jump. San immediately runs out of his office with a gun in hand then he grabs my hand and leads me downstairs towards the back exit. “We’re going to head outside, there’s a secret escape route I built in the forest so I hope you have your walking shoes on because it’s going to be a long walk.” While he opens the door I say “Where’s everyone else?” He peaks outside and says “Mingi and Yeosang are going to buy us time. Everyone else is already in the forest.” Suddenly Wooyoung runs up behind us and pats San’s shoulder. “Everything is clear, lower associates were sent to distract the feds.” San nods and says “Did you turn on the self destruct device in the server room?” Wooyoung nods and smirks “Yep, everything is in order.” He steps outside in front of San and hides behind a car outside then motions us to follow behind him and just a few seconds after giving us the signal he motions us to stop and stay low. Then I hear a familiar voice.

“Let the girl go Choi San…” My stomach drops and I look up and see that In the helicopter was my partner Detective Chris and Captain Lee looking over his shoulder and right next to them was a sniper. I tightly squeeze his hand and San turns and looks at me “You’ll be okay, worst case is they’ll shoot me and not you.” Captain Lee speaks into the mega phone and says “Give it up son, you lost and it was all because you’re so reckless. You got so sloppy but don’t worry though I’ll clean the mess you left and I’ll start by shooting your little friend over here.” The red laser from the sniper’s gun points right at Wooyoung’s head “And then you.” Wooyoung looks at San and slightly nods and begins to run towards the forest. Almost instantly he gets shot in the chest instead from the sudden movement. His body falls limply on his side while he clutches onto his chest and struggles to breathe. My stomach drops and San lets out a scream calling out Wooyoung’s name with tears welling up in his eyes in anger “I’m going to kill you bastard!!” I clutch onto San's arm holding the gun in my other hand tightly with my eyes blurring with tears. Captain Lee smirks “You know what, I take it back. I won’t shoot you that’s letting you off easy...I want you to suffer by watching all your little mobster trash die.”

Seeing Wooyoung on the ground didn’t bring me satisfaction, instead I begin to cry at the sight of his breathing slowing down. Despite everything he’s done to me I couldn’t let San suffer again, as angry and pissed off as I am with him right now for putting us in this situation he doesn’t deserve to lose his bestfriend. Wooyoung needed help and fast but the only way to get him that help is if I turn myself in and somehow convince them to step back. I hate the idea that I won't have that anonymity anymore but this is a matter of life or death. If I can prevent someone from dying then I'm sure it'll be worth it no matter how painful it is. Suddenly, an idea pops up in my head, it was one I really didn't want to do but my only hope is that it all goes smoothly. I step in front of San with my back facing the helicopter which causes San to pull me closer to him into a hug. i gently press the barrel of the gun I have onto his stomach and he leans in close to my ear and whispers “What are you doing angel eyes? Whatever is going on in that little head of yours just stop, I don’t want you to get hurt. Please.” He sniffles burying his face in my hair trying to hide the fact that he was slightly teary eyed “Sannie, do you trust me?” He talks into my neck “Yes of course I trust you.” Staying still and keeping my voice calm I say “Keep your head down and shoot the sniper.” His voice goes an octave higher while keeping his head down buried into my neck and says “What?! Why?!” Keeping my calm I press the gun a little more onto his stomach “Do it. Shoot the sniper, trust me.” From the corner of my eye I see San’s arm go up and shoot in the sniper’s direction and as soon as he shoots I move just a bit to where the sniper’s bullet hits my right shoulder. I let out a scream in agonizing pain from the impact of the hot metal burning deep in my shoulder causes me to slightly jerk forward and drop the gun in my hand. I push San with the strength from the adrenaline coursing through my veins back into the building and I run towards the helicopter while I clutch onto my shoulder with tears in my eyes. This was all for nothing, so much for getting rid of this man from the shadows.

“There’s a bomb in there! Please Captain Lee, Chris we have to get out of here and remove everyone from the perimeter!” I look back and see San was no longer in the doorway, both Chris and Captain Lee look at me in awe then look at each other a few seconds. Eventually Chris lets down a ladder, helps me climb up and sit down. He sits next to me and looks over at Captain Lee “Captain, we have to take her to the hospital now!” I lay there growing more exhausted by the second due to blood loss until I manage to mutter “Captain, remove everyone from this perimeter now or we’re all going to die.” Chris looks at me and shakes his head while he keeps pressure on my wound “No, we can’t. We have a warrant for San’s arrest we can’t just let him escape” I grab Chris’s forearm and squeeze it from the pain and slight impatience “Trust me, I know he’s going to fuck up again this won’t be the last time. The bomb, please. We have to get out of here we don’t have much time left..” Chris turns to Captain Lee giving him a worried look then Captain Lee looks down at the building for a few moments that felt like an eternity and eventually looks over at me and Chris “Alright, but only because I trust Detective y/ln and know she’ll be able to catch this scum again.” He looks over at the pilot and says “Take us to the nearest hospital please.”

He speaks into his radio “We’ve got a code 4, change of plans, we found Detective y/n y/ln alive and well. Clear the area, over.” Is he really going to act like he didn’t leave me for dead? Is this a favor that later on he’s going to try to use as leverage to somehow blackmail me? A voice answers back on the radio “Disregarding, all units will return back to the station. Over.” I did it, but this was too easy… Luckily the server room self distructing came in handy so technically I wasn’t lying. Chri’s voice interrupts my thoughts and says “So you’re alive? I’m so glad you’re okay but how? I saw your dead body, how is that possible?” I struggle to breathe then I sit there focusing on my breaths until Captain Lee sits next to the seat where Chris and I were sitting and says “Detective Bang stop asking her questions, can’t you see she has a bullet inside her?” Chris’s voice slightly shakes a bit and says “I’m sorry sir, I’m just in shock she’s alive. I saw her charred body, her police badge, everything." I feel my eyes slowly begin to close, my consciousness felt like it was slipping away until everything goes dark.

When I wake up, I scan the room and realize I'm at the hospital. That’s when it all comes back to me, I hope San is okay and he managed to escape along with everyone else. Especially Wooyoung, I really hope he made it as well. I turn and notice Chris is asleep then In a low whisper I say “Chris?” Immediately I see Chris sit up and say “Oh hey y/ln you’re up, how are you feeling?” I nod my head slightly and look down at the IV needle in my hand while he proceeds to talk “I’m so glad it wasn't anything serious, I waited for you to wake up and ask if you wanted to see your family. I’m sure you miss them. I didn’t call them right away since I didn’t want you to be overwhelmed.” I shake my head and I say in a low voice “Don’t tell them I’m alive... Please.” Chris furrows his brows and gives me an odd look “Why not?” I stare off into the distance trying not to make eye contact with him “Promise me you won’t tell anyone especially Captain Lee.”

Chris leans in close to me then I lean in a bit more and whisper “I’m going to run away. I think it’s best for me to disappear considering AS is going after me and I don’t want my family to get killed.” I still can’t believe I’m lying through my teeth, who am I trying to save? San or me? Maybe both. Chris responds in a worried tone “It’s okay we can get you into the Witness Protection Program., you can get your life back.” I sigh and shake my head “No Chris, I’m doing this without the help of the government or the police.” Chris’s jaw tenses up and sits there looking at the ground for a few seconds. “Please, don’t tell anyone Chris. Promise me. You also have to make sure Captain Lee doesn’t release the news of me being alive to the media as this is going to make it even harder for me.” He lifts his gaze and meets my eyes and smiles “Of course I promise, we’re partners after all. We’re under oath to protect one another but promise, you’ll reach out to me occasionally. I just want to make sure you’re alive and well.” I nod then I sit up “Of course as long as you keep my existence a secret, but I do have one more thing to tell you and this one is much more serious because it’s about Captain Lee.” I hope he doesn’t tell him, but who else can I trust? Besides having someone to lean on he might be of help. He scrunches his face in curiosity then looks at the door “What about him? Is it something bad?” I bite the inside of my lip then I take a deep breath and blurt out “Captain Lee works for The Obsidian Dragon, Aurora Syndicate’s rival. I know this because I saw a whole file documenting him being associated with the mafia with pictures and everything.” Chris smirks holding in a small laugh “What? Are you sure that’s not the morphine talking? Why would he even work for the mafia to begin with?” Oh no, he’s asking questions. “He was a close friend of the Choi family, specifically The Phantom. He’s the reason that the whole shootout happened, he sold The Phantom’s location in exchange for money.” Chris’ hand reaches up to his mouth then says “Wait what? So he knew who was behind all of that? No wonder he would always breathe down our necks and constantly check the leads. How much was he given?” I tap my finger on my chin “50 grand if I remember correctly.” He blinks in shock then says “Okay wow that’s quite a bit of money. Yeah, I get why you’re in a hurry to hide. You know too much.” And I know so much more but I can’t tell you the rest.

“Yep..” There was a long silence but Chris clears his throat and says “So uh I have a question and it’s kind of random...Why was San holding you like that?” I raise my eyebrow “How so? What do you mean?” He rests his cheek on his hand “You know like weirdly close, like he had a thing for you. His hand around your waist.” I shrug and look out the window “I don’t know, maybe because he thought of me as an object more than a person. His meat shield.” Hopefully by telling him everything he wants to hear it’ll help me get him off my back, even if those said answers aren’t how I truly feel at all. He can’t find out I’m protecting San. From the corner of my eye I see Chris’s eyes move from looking at the door back to me “Did he ever do anything to you?” While looking out the window I run my finger along the IV tube “I don’t know I was drugged the majority of the time I was there, I can’t remember anything.” Chris puts his head down and rubs his forehead while gently tapping his foot on the floor “I swear to god y/n if he did anything to you…” I shake my head “Nah, despite how scary he is he never put his hands on me.” He raises an eyebrow “How do you know? You were drugged the whole time..” I look down at the dusty pink blanket on my body “Because he was the one who would make the beatings stop, besides I’m sure if he did anything to me my body would remember it. Instead I just remember that evreytime I was being beat he’d scold the person doing it.” That feeling, that pit in my stomach. My eyes well up with tears and Chris reaches for my hand “I’m sorry, I can’t talk about this. Just remembering it brings it all back” Chris nods giving me a reassuring hand squeeze “I’m sorry, we don’t have to talk about it anymore. You should rest, we'll talk about it later when you feel better.” He adjusts my pillow slightly so that I'm able to lay back a little bit again. "Thanks Chris, you should nap too. You look exhausted." He gives me a weak smile "I should be watching you. It's okay." I shake my head "I insist, it's kind of weird knowing you're just watching me sleep. A nap will most definitely not hurt you." He looks into the distance and slowly nods his head almost like he was thinking whether or not he should do it "Alright, if that makes you comfortable y/ln, just know if I hear the door open I will wake up.." I chuckle nervously "Yeah, I know" I hope he falls into a deep sleep otherwise I'm screwed.

A few hours later I wait until Chris is fast asleep in his seat then I begin taking the tubes and IV’s off of me and I put on my pants and shoes making sure I also take the phone San gave me. I look over and glance over at chris to make sure he was still asleep then I carefully open the door wide enough for me to slip out the hospital. Luckily because of the lack of use my phone still had battery so I enter a gas station restroom near the hospital and call San. I anxiously hold the phone to my ear while it rang a few times then on the other line San answers the phone and excitedly I say “San?!” In a surprised tone he answers “y/n?! Where are you? Are you okay?” Relieved to hear his voice again I say in a slight hushed tone “I’m at the gas station bathroom a few blocks from the hospital, I escaped but um what about Wooyoung, is he okay?” I anxiously brush my index finger over the smooth surface of the back of the phone while I wait for him to answer. “He’s fine now angel eyes. He got a pierced lung but he’ll be okay don’t worry.” I let out a sigh of relief and smile “I’m glad he’s okay. I’m glad your best friend is still here with you.” He exhales a bit before he admiringly says “He wouldn’t have been saved if it wasn’t for you and your quick thinking, I don’t know how you did it but I’m so thankful.” There’s a long silence then he continues “ Do you want me to send someone to pick you up?” Immediately I respond “Yes please, I want to get out of here before anyone notices I’m gone” San answers me reassuringly “Don’t worry I’ll send your location to the nearest Associate just hang tight okay? Their code word will be “snow”, I’ll see you in a bit angel eyes I love you.” I gently bite my lip " I love you too. Sannie” I hear San chuckle on the other side of the line and immediately after the line goes dead. I turn and see myself in the mirror and realize I was wearing my ugly hospital gown so I decide to turn it inside out and make a makeshift tie up shirt out of it.. After I finish I sit on the counter of the bathroom and not even 10 minutes later there’s a knock at the door. I stay silent until a deep voice says “Snow.” I jump off the counter and run to open the door and see an average build man with a buzz cut and tattoos and a dark blue track suit “y/n ?” I nod then he motions me to walk behind him and says “Come on, the boss asked me to take you where they’re in hiding.” I nod and follow him into a black average looking car with dark tinted windows, his car reeked of cigarettes and the seats were pretty worn out, a nice way to blend in. Smart.

After 2 hours of driving we arrive at a parking lot at an undisclosed area since I couldn't tell where exactly we were because of how dark it was, all I know it was far away from both Ulwood and Lulens but unlike the HQ last time this location was in a city. I get out of the car and follow the heavily tattooed man into a weird tattoo shop, the buzzing of the tattoo gun was the very first thing I hear when I enter. Everyone in there (which wasn’t alot) seemed to either not notice or not to care kind of like it was a regular occurrence here. So when we make it to the back I notice a black metal door with a key pad, and as soon as he punches in the code the door clicks open and he motions me to walk inside then closes the door behind me. Which reminds me of this tough pill to swallow, I am once again under San's mercy by coming back..

‧⋆ ✧˚₊‧⋆. ✧˚₊‧⋆‧‧⋆ ✧˚₊‧⋆. ✧˚₊‧⋆‧‧⋆ ✧˚₊‧⋆. ✧˚₊‧⋆‧‧⋆ ✧˚₊‧⋆.

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OC Interview Tag

Thank you so much for the tag, @kaylinalexanderbooks!!!! (here)

I'll go with Nimwen from Of Starlight and Beasts because I don't think I've done one of these for her yet!

Are you named after anyone?

"I was named after my paternal grandmother. My parents' marriage was severely looked down upon by my mother's side of the family, because Dad wasn't of noble birth. They decided to choose the name because it was a nice keeping my grandma's memory alive but also a little bit as a way to stick it to my maternal grandparents. Her relatives never really got over their union, and didn't rest until they got the King himself - who was apparently a family friend - to annul my parents' marriage. Her family then arranged for Mom to marry some random noble from a 'proper House' - despite her protests - and cast my father and I out of their social circle."

When was the last time you cried?

"Hmm. That's uh... quite the question, isn't it? Very personal all of the sudden, y'know (her hands squirm and she laughs awkwardly). Let's just say... I have nightmares, and some of them are more... severe than others and sometimes end up crying because of it. I had one recently. I won't go into detail about the dreams though - that's not for you to know. Only Scarlet knows, and even he doesn't know the extra gory details."

Do you have kids?

"Certainly not! I'm barely a grownup and I don't think I should be left in charge of anyone other than myself - Scarlet is always going on like (she mimics her adoptive brother's voice and tone) 'why don't you take care of yourself?' or 'didn't you think this through before doing it? Again, Nim?', so maybe I perhaps might not be the most responsible person to grace this earth. I know, shocking. (giggles). But in all seriousness, I have far too much going on in my life to even think about something like that in the coming years - unless you count my friend Syp as a kid, because he's the youngest of our bunch and is always following me like a little shadow."

Do you use sarcasm a lot?

"No, not really. I'm usually too nervous about hurting someone's feelings or being misunderstood in what I'm trying to say or causing a mess, to the point that I somehow end up just fumbling over my words and making a fool out of myself. Scarlet is the king of sarcasm though, he always knows what to say or how to come up with a sarcastic quip at the right timing. I'm not that lucky (laughs awkwardly). He says I'm fine the way I am and that I don't need to change to be like others, but I do wish I was more eloquent like him."

What’s the first thing you notice about people?

"If they're dangerous or could be a potential threat. I've learned the hard way not to trust too many strangers and still struggle with a lot of... ghosts from my past, per se, looking to strike me down so I've got to be on the lookout for anyone that looks like they could work for the King or the Royal Guard. I also notice their stance and if I can use the terrain around us to my advantage to escape if need be."

What’s your eye colour?

"Dark blue, like my Mom's! I've got Dad's long strawberry blond hair to remember him by though, so that's nice. It's like I've got a little bit of both of them with me at all times - which is comforting, and sad, and a little bit weird. But nice."

Scary movies or happy endings?

"Happy endings, happy endings all the way! I hate scary stories - there's enough terror, and gore and violence and hatred in our world, why should we be subjected to those things in the very fiction that is meant to let us escape it? I hate when the other kids in our bunch start telling horror stories when we're gathered around the campfire - it usually leaves me up all night thinking about it! I know this is probably very silly of me. But I still don't like scary stories one bit and I will keep not liking them until the end of time itself because I don't like being scared."

Any special talents?

"I'm very good at hiding - when you're the daughter of someone who was executed for treason he didn't commit, you learn to hide like your life depends on it, because it really does. Scarlet has also taught me how to shoot the bow and arrow, and I'm... average at it. If I really, really focus I can hit close to the target of my choice, or even hit the target itself if I'm lucky, but if I have to do so whilst moving that arrow is missing the target by a mile. I also know how to sew and embroider, as well as play the harp, which are things my father taught me when I was a child and I haven't really done in a while, so I wouldn't know whether or not I'm still any good at it."

Where were you born?

"I was born in the city of Sylla - which used to belong to another kingdom but was annexed by Tirawen around forty years ago. My Mom comes from a long line of Tirawenian nobles, who moved to Sylla when she was a child because they were given land - a lot of land - in the conquered terrioty by the royal family. My Dad came from a local family of much humbler standing, and he'd risen in the ranks of society by pursuing a career as dyplomat. It didn't end well, as you probably already realized."

Do you have any pets?

"Scarlet has a pet hawk called Arrow! I consider it my pet as well. My brother has trained Arrow to carry messages for us and to hunt. Sometimes he also sends it to scout terrain ahead to check if it's safe for us to pass. Arrow is the most adorable, cutest little bird of prey you'll ever hope to meet! He loves snacks and always chirps happily when you pet his feathers!"

What sort of sports do you play?

"Oh, many! The other kids in our little group of 'outlaws' are always coming up with new things to spend our time doing, so I'm never bored! If anything I'm the opposite. I'm also very good at running, climbing and jumping! And as I mentioned I have a passable knowledge of archery."

How tall are you?

"I would say average height, I never really put much thought into measuring my height, but I seem to be somewhere in the middle between tall and short. Scarlet is very, very tall, so I don't think he counts as a comparison, but my height is similar to that of most of our friends."

What was your favourite subject in school?

"... I uh, didn't really get to attend any of the schools and academies of the kingdom. With the whole 'my dad getting beheaded for treason' ordeal happened when I was really young so I didn't really get a chance. But I think I would've liked to attend the royal academies - I used to love books!!! I still do, but there aren't many opportunities to read when you're living in the forests as an outlaw."

What is your dream job?

"Okay, now, don't laugh, but when I was a little kid I used to dream of growing up to be a pirate - I loved reading tales about pirate adventures and the sort, and couldn't wait to see the ocean one day. I even got a cute little pirate costume for my sixth birthday! But I do realize now real life pirates probably aren't really that nice though. Nowadays I would say my dream job is to become something like a physician or an apothecary - I would love to help more people, especially those who don't have the means to afford healing, because the kingdom all too often tends to forget they exist."

Tagging (gently, no pressure):@steh-lar-uh-nuhs @inky-duchess @late-to-the-fandom @eccaiia, @willtheweaver @littleladymab @cabbojage @lassiesandiego @little-peril-stories @oh-no-another-idea @thepeculiarbird @rickie-the-storyteller @crowandmoonwriting @steh-lar-uh-nuhs @gummybugg @forthesanityofstorytellers @doublegoblin @aalinaaaaaa @starlit-hopes-and-dreams @elshells @clairelsonao3 @anyablackwood @tabswrites and OPEN TAG

Bruises // Jake Seresin

Epilogue: [Before, During & Never After]

Summary: There one place Jake Seresin knows where to find you after he’s woken by a startling bark.

Series Warnings: Heavy themes of violence, sexual assault, torture. 18+ content. Minors DNI. Mature themes. Being held in captivity. Hostage style situation. Main character death! Whump, Angst. Conversations that discuss antisocial & antisemitism views.

Word Count: 1.6k

Author Note: THIS SERIES IS CONFRONTING, FICTIONAL, AND DEPICTS IMAGES OF TORTURE. DO NOT READ PAST THIS POINT IF YOU BELIEVE THAT THIS SERIES WILL BE DETRIMENTAL TO YOUR MENTAL STABILITY. CURATE YOUR OWN TIMELINE.

Series Masterlist | Main Masterlist

***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~

“I wish I was dead too.” 

At the sound of a dog barking, Jake Seresin shot up out of one of the worst, most terrifying, most frightening nightmares of his entire life. The same dream he had been plagued with on and off throughout his life. 

The one where he lost the love of his life: 

There’s a cup of tea on his bedside table, that favorite mug of his that you owned once upon a time. It serves as a reminder of what Jake did to get here.

“Hotshot!” Jake groaned as he looked over to where the light brown Boxer sat on the edge of his bed down by his feet, growling and barking at the curtains that blew in the mid afternoon breeze that was coming through the open windows. “Hotshot! Jesus Christ, they're curtains!” It wasn’t the first time and it certainly wouldn’t be the last time that the overly protective Boxer dog had barked at what he believed was something that wished to do Jake harm.  

He was a rescue dog after all. Jake sighed as he rubbed his hands over his face, he knew he was sitting in a pool of his own night sweats, he could feel the mattress underneath him—the sheets were completely soaked. His shirt was saturated, and his cheeks were stained from the tears he’d cried while his subconscious abused him. 

He thought he’d be free in death—turns out he would be forever haunted by the memories of those three painstakingly months. 

“You’re lucky your cute man.” Jake pet the spot beside him and soon enough, Hotshot was by his side, curling up under his arm and smacking his tail against the empty side of the queen bed. “You’re a good boy aren’t you?” Jake asked as he let the dog he’d fallen in love with at the shelter lick his face. He was in fact a very good boy. A fierce protector against all possible enemies, including but not limited to light weight floor to ceiling curtains. 

People are really romantic about the beginnings of things. Fresh starts. Clean slates. New pets. An afterlife of possibilities. But no matter what new adventure you’re embarking on, you’re still you. Dead or alive. 

“Where’s your mama? Huh boy?” You bring you into every new beginning in your life. So how different can it possibly be? “She out with the cows is she?” 

Jake Seresin had left the Navy four months after he returned home from being held as a prisoner of war. He couldn’t do it anymore. He knew he’d never fully recover, which he’d been told wasn’t a bad thing. But it meant that with a weakened heart he couldn’t handle flying Super Hornets anymore. His body wouldn’t be able to handle it, flying that was. But it was his mind that couldn’t handle being grounded forever. Without you to hold him, without you to tell him everything was okay. 

Honourably discharged they call it. It’s the nicest way they can say thankyou for your dedication and service to your country—now fuck off. 

“Let’s go.” Jake urged Hotshot to follow him out of the bedroom, down the hall of the old fame house that was too hot in summer and too cold in winter, and out towards the yards. It was heaven on earth or earth in heaven, some days Jake could hardly tell. 

Jake had peeled his shirt from his torso as he left the house, it was covered in sweat but the jeans he’d fallen asleep in were okay to an extent. They were good enough for another ten minutes. He grabbed a Stetson off the hook and slipped his old work boots on that laid haphazardly at the front door and headed out with Hotshot in toe. 

In search of one person: 

You. 

“I thought I told you to stop hovering!” Jake chuckled as he walked across the gravel driveway and over towards the yards where he could see you sitting on top of one of the old wooden fences. Stetson on and all. “They’re fine.” 

“Gary isn’t feeding properly—“ You replied without turning around. Every word you spoke was so clear—so perfect. Jake smiled as he stepped up to lean his armpits over the top of the fence that boarded the yard where your three calves were being kept in with their adoptive mothers. “Either that or Betty isn’t producing milk anymore.” 

“Should I call the vet?” Jake knew how much you loved the cows you kept on the property. They were your pets just as much as Hotshot was his. 

“Hmm, maybe. I’m gonna give it till the end of the day, I’ll make up a slurry to get him through the night but yeah—maybe.” 

It’s all anybody wants, right? A clean slate. A new beginning. A farmhouse in the middle of nowhere with the love of your life you survived being a prisoner of war with. Like pretending to wipe the slate clean was going to be any easier. Just ask the guy pushing the boulder up the hill and see what he thinks about starting over. Nothings easy about starting over. Or giving up in search of solace. 

Nothing at all. 

“What one was it this time?” You asked softly, looking out towards the horizon. Jake knew what you were asking, you’d come into the bedroom just as he was about to have a nap and kissed him tenderly. He had been exhausted from an early start in town redoing Mrs Keenan's bathroom wall that her son had drunkenly fallen through last Friday night. 

Your husband, ex Naval Lieutenant Jake Seresin, ran a small but successful carpentry business. He was the guy to call when drunk teenagers fall through drywall or when your window needs a new flyscreen. 

“Fuck me.” Jake shook his head to try and shake the nightmare from his memory. He didn’t want to remember. “The one where you have that asthma attack—“ The thing about this one was that that nightmare actually happened. 

“That one’s only new since I told you I’m pregnant.” You replied, hand over your stomach, gently rubbing small but comforting circles over your bump. Six months and counting. Jake looked over to admire your silhouette.

His beautiful wife, ex Naval Lieutenant Y/n Seresin, the farmer, the therapist with the at home office. 

“Yeah—got any opinions on that one Doc?” Jake chuckled as he climbed up to the top of the fence to sit beside you. “Miss Sigmund Freud.” Jake teased as he bumped his shoulder into yours as you smiled and shook your head. 

“I don’t like Sigmund Freuding you.” You reminded Jake as he kissed your shoulder, just trying to bring himself back to the reality he lived in. “But—“ Ah there it was, there was always a but. “Your biggest fear is and has always been losing the people you love, Hangman.” 

That much was true—Jakes deep rooted fear of losing the people he loved the most was exactly how Hangman was born and it was how he inevitably died. 

“Trauma does weird things to people’s brains—it fully rewires the way we perceive and interpret things.” You went on to explain like Jake was sitting in your office, a very loved and very cared for patient. “Your nightmares about losing the people you love the most is just your brain's way of telling you that you care an awful lot.” 

“Pretty horrific way to remind me if you ask me.” Jake scoffed but you knew it wasn’t at you. It was at his mind. Between the two of you, you were the one who had the more physical adversities that were linked to your trauma. Jake however, his were more phycological, the kind that stick around and plague you and haunt your soul. That wasn’t negating your own nightmares, but for the most part? You were doing okay in death. 

After all, you were the one who died from a perfectly preventable asthma attack. 

“Again, it’s a trauma thing.” You shrugged softly as you rubbed at your belly. “Just like I know that I don’t have asthma attacks anymore but I still carry an inhaler and how when I got my period back a few months after we got out I thought I was dying from a complication from one of the surgeries because I’d convinced myself that I’d never recover.” 

“Or how I'd show up at your door in the middle of the night because I loved you so much and I couldn’t sleep without you.” 

“I used to do the same thing, because I loved you too—“ Your hand came to rest on top of Jake's hand. “I love you to hell and back Jake, literally.” 

Jake couldn’t imagine what his life was like before you, in his mind it was just during you. There was simply never a before or after, although his mind liked to play nasty tricks on him on occasion, just to keep him on his toes and to give Hotshot something to worry about: 

“Just you and me Hollywood.” Jake brought his arm up to draw you in closer to him, slung over your shoulders. There tucked under his arm was Jake's entire world, his wife and unborn child. The woman who changed his life forever—the woman who taught him more about himself in three months than anyone ever had in his entire life. 

Fairy tales—the stuff of dreams. The problem with fairy tales though is that fairy tales don’t come true because they don’t exist. It’s the other stories, the ones that begin with dark and stormy nights, that begin with shot down F-18’s and missions that go horribly wrong that end in the unspeakable acts of cruelty. It’s the nightmares that always seem to become reality. 

“Just you and me Hollywood.” 

As you sat there with Jake, your other half and best friend, you came to realize that after all that you’d been through together, the person who invented the phrase ‘Happily Ever After’ Should have his ass kicked and kicked hard. Because ‘Happily Ever After’ Didn’t exist. 

Because there was never an after Jake Seresin. There couldn’t be, not when he’d met you on the platform four months later. 

“Just you and me Hangman.” There was simply only before. “Just you and me.” And during. "Forever." But never after. 

***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~

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heyy girlyy (heard u were bored)

do u have any movie or music recommandations ? i really need something new… love u 🫶🏻

Yayyy I love this question 🎀

Just was sitting with my mom to make a list and here's it :

Movies

The love witch

Black swan

Literally every Sofia Coppola movie and if u didn't like them come and kill me istg

Almost famous

Daydream nation

Paris ,Texas

Mulholland drive

Georgia rule

Layla 4 ever

Scarface

The wolf of wall street

Bring it on (every movie, it was literally my childhood lol)

Lisa Frankenstein

Femme fatale

Babylon ( I'd die to watch it for the first time again )

Fresh (if u like it u need therapy btw I love it lol)

Once upon a time in hollywood

Pulp fiction

True romance

Ghost (my mom recommended that for u lol)

Every gean luc Godard movie cuz it's the true art of cinema I adore him and I finished every movie of his, he's basically Sofia Coppola for 60s French sad girls

Roman Holiday

Some like it hot

Daisies

Lolita

The crush 1993

The witch 2015

Bonnie and Clyde 1967 ( the best movie ever)

Big eyes

A walk to remember ( my mom forced me to watch it at 8 because I didn't like the idea of love )

The hating game

Last night in soho (ate)

American psycho (super girly movie)

Pearl and x and maxxxine is gonna be out on July (fav movie after love witch)

Dark shadows and a cure of wellness and scary stories to tell in the dark ( I watched them at 7 no wonder why I'm the most lana del rey insane girl ever plus lana sang in the last movie)

Blue velvet

Ready or not

Carrie 1976( mom forced me to watch it at 8 ig and that's why I hate people)

500 days of summer (so scary )

Fight club

The craft

Red eye (Cillian Murphy supermercy and fuck I watched it while I was alone at home and it turned out my whole personality which leads me to love ultraviolence)

Practical magic

Aquamarine

Closer

The breakfast club

Gone girl (my mom is on Amy's husband side so don't think she's cool or something)

Girl interrupted

Dirty dancing 1987

Funny face

Sabrina

The notebook (my father cried to this movie 💀)

Monte carlo

Mean Girls

Jennifer's body ( istg I watched it at 9 and I think it left something for lesbianism inside me)

American beauty

Grease (born to die coded)

Clueless

Freaky Friday

Breakfast at Tiffany's

The great Gatsby (if u liked daisy u need help)

How to lose a guy in 10 days

Uptown girls

Malena

Gilda

Valley of the dolls

Rebecca

Vertigo

La prima notte di quiete

Songs

Atomic by blondie

Don't you forget about me by simple mind

Favorite by Isabel la rosa

I like the way you kiss me by artemas

So American by Olivia Rodrigo

Let it happen by tame impala

Radioactive by marina

We r who we r by kesha

Rumors by Lindsay lohan

Et tu dance avec Lui by c.jérôme

Girls on film by Duran duran

Baby I love you by Ramones

La fin du monde by juniore

Champagne coast by blood orange

Dear society by Madison beer (is on Lana's instagram highlights)

Every breath you take by the police

You can never tell by chuck berry

Ladyfingers by herb alpert

Heavy metal lover by Lady gaga

Killer queen by Queen

Bambino by dalida

Gourmandises by alizée

Somebody to love by Leighton Meester

Uptown girl by Billy Joel

À touts les filles (I forgot by who)

Mon amour mon Amie (forgot by who)

Monster high fright song

Tu veux ou tu veux pas by Brigitte bardot

And literally every lana song and the Lizzy grant unreleased

Literally gave u the best work ever mwahh 💋🎀