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#its almost every single time and its somehow hilarious to me
darkvolley · 10 months
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I love going through lets players' kingdom hearts playlists and right after recoded seeing a twewy playlist immediately followed by ddd. Like, yep. Bet I can guess what your audience told you to do before starting ddd.
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sorrowfulrosebud · 9 months
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𝕮𝖔𝖓𝖙𝖊𝖓𝖙: 𝔦𝔫 𝔴𝔥𝔦𝔠𝔥 𝔎𝔞𝔱𝔰𝔲𝔨𝔦 𝔦𝔰 𝔶𝔬𝔲𝔯 𝔰𝔬𝔲𝔩𝔪𝔞𝔱𝔢, 𝔟𝔲𝔱 𝔥𝔢 𝔦𝔰𝔫’𝔱 𝔥𝔞𝔭𝔭𝔶 𝔞𝔟𝔬𝔲𝔱 𝔦𝔱
𝕲𝖊𝖓𝖗𝖊: 𝔞𝔫𝔤𝔰𝔱
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Soulmates. What a fucking joke.
It was borderline hilarious to think that a red piece of string no thicker than twine would somehow wrap around a stranger’s pinky and your own, and then suddenly be proclaimed one by the cosmos. It was a reality for your society though, and god did you fucking hate it.
You especially hated it since your soulmate was the reason you were dying.
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It had all started during your first year at UA. Adrenaline was coursing through everyone’s veins as they entered the gargantuan doors of the prestigious Class 1-A classroom, marvelling at the sheer size of it.
Katsuki was one of the first people there. Being surprisingly introverted, he wanted to avoid the crowds and find a good seat where he could chill before he could blow shit to oblivion. What he hadn’t intended was for his finger to start twitching like crazy the second the door swung open again.
His pinky finger.
In a single second, a red rope split from the tip of his finger before looping its way around his pinky and travelling across the room to where you stood in awe. Your finger was also driving you insane as the exact same thing happened to you before the rope connected the two of you in the centre.
Both of you stood gobsmacked at the revelation of finding your soulmate. You were filled with so much excitement, so happy and!- wait. Why is he scowling?
Katsuki could feel the initial excitement wear away before the usual irritation seeped through him. Great. Another fucking distraction. He turned his head away from you with an uninterested look, almost shooing you away.
Your smile faltered a little, but not before you gripped your backpack and attempted to make conversation.
“All right class, it took you all seven minutes to shut up. That’s not gonna fly”.
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It was so difficult for you to get the handsome stranger’s attention. All throughout the first day, every time you attempted to strike up a conversation, you would be dismissed with a scoff or him immediately walking away.
It was frustrating to say the least. It was an absolute shit show after the training exercise too; Bakugou, as you learned, had a temper as unruly as his hair. Luckily for you, unluckily for him, you managed to catch up to him and nudged him gently on the shoulder.
He glared at you with an intent look, one definitely made to kill.
“What.”
You gulped a little at his gruff scoff before regaining your composure and adorned a small smile.
“Look, I don’t know if you didn’t realise, but we’re soulmates. I was wondering if-“ you were interrupted before you even got the chance to finish.
“You listen here, right freakin’ now. I’m here to become the world’s best hero ever, and I do not need any distractions. This whole soulmates thing is bullshit, just another “fuck you” to people with goals. Do whatever the hell you want, just leave me the fuck alone,” he seethed lowly.
You gulped a little at his intensity. A nervous smile entered your face as you tried to calm him down.
“I understand that it’s… sudden to say the least, but I’d at least like to be friends with you! Your abilities in the training exercise today were really cool, and-” your rambles were ceased completely by an aggravated grunt.
“Did you not hear a fucking thing I just said?! I’m here to be a hero, not to make fucking friends! As far as you’re concerned, you’re an enemy. Nothing but a stone for me to secure my victory. You’re not fucking special just because of some stupid piece of string!” He yelled, causing you to shrink back.
“I was just trying to help you calm down, you seemed very upset after that green haired kid used his power against you,” you looked at him with worry in your eyes. If anything, your dopey eyes infuriated him more.
Something snapped in Bakugou as he lifted you by the collar, causing you to squirm uncomfortably in the air. His palms smoked against your uniform.
“I’m only gonna say this one more fucking time. Leave. Me. The hell. Alone. Go find someone else to fucking pity you useless bitch,” he released you with a scoff as you fell on your ass.
“Tch. As if the universe sent someone as pathetic as you to be with someone like me,” he scoffed as he turned to walk home, leaving you to tear up in horror at how mean your soulmate was.
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Unfortunately for you, that single event triggered a near year long bullying. Constant harassment never stopped following you, whether you pestered Bakugou or not. Harshly bumping into you in the halls, criticising your training techniques unfairly and accidentally totally on purpose spilling his protein shakes on your assignments, making them nearly illegible. Aizawa shook his head at your “clumsiness”, often giving you more laps for undone homework or even berating you in front of your classmates.
You, however, couldn’t bring yourself to tell Aizawa the truth. Something bugged you about how troubled your soulmate was to deliberately cause you such aggro. It wasn’t even stuff that you could really tell a teacher for; criticism for fighting villains? Bumping into you in the halls?
You figured that he needed time to sort out his teenage angst, but the bullying was starting to get to you. The belittling comments made you hyper-aware of mistakes, making you anxious easily. Seeds of doubt sewed themselves deep in your brain, making sleep a troublesome process.
Ochaco and Tsu took note of how badly Bakugou seemed to get under your skin, so they took it upon themselves to arrange a day out for you and the girls in the new cat cafe in the prefecture.
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“Y’know, I really don’t understand why you won’t tell Aizawa the real reason why you’re struggling (N/N),” Ochaco looked at you worriedly, petting the small white cat perched in her lap. The other girls murmured into agreement.
“For real, Bakugou treats you like utter shit. I mean, he treats everyone like that but you and Midoriya seem to have it the worst,” Jirou said. You gently petted the one-eyed calico cat on the cat tree next to you.
“I understand what you mean, I really do. Don’t get me wrong, he really pisses me off at times, but sometimes I wonder if he’s okay. Like, it can’t be healthy how angry he is,” you pondered quietly.
“But (Y/N), every time you try to talk to him, he always ignores you or says something really mean. Are you sure there’s nothing deeper going on?” Yaoyorozu asked delicately. You could feel your cheeks heat up at the implication.
“Yeah (N/N)! Do you have some kind of masochistic infatuation with him?” Mina asked devilishly. You shook your head determinedly, mindful of the meowing kitties playing on the cat trees.
“No that’s not it at all!! I just think there’s something a little bit deeper to him!! I don’t like him or anything!!” Your face heated up as Mina’s face finally lit up in realisation.
“Oh. My. God. NO WAY?!?” Mina squealed, hugging you tightly. The girls looked at each other in confusion, before starting to realise one by one. Yaomomo looked at you in slight disgust.
“(N/N). Is it true? Is Bakugou your… soulmate?” She didn’t look very pleased at the realisation. You looked down with heated cheeks as you twiddled your thumbs.
“…yes.”
A plethora of differing emotions scattered across the table. Mina seemed thrilled at the idea of you finding your soulmate; Jirou and Yaomomo seemed disgusted; Ochaco and Tsu seemed pitiful whilst Hagakure… well. You couldn’t tell.
“I know what it looks like. I think that underneath that anger and frustration, there’s a good guy. I don’t want to dismiss him as his soulmate immediately because what if I skip out on the best relationship of my life? I think he is really a sweet guy,” you murmured.
“Babe you’re literally delusional,” Jirou glanced at you.
“I agree with Kyouka. Bakugou clearly wants nothing to do with you. You’re only going to get yourself hurt, and as your friend I hate seeing him being so crude to you,” Yaomomo rubbed your hand gently.
“Mhm! It’s not healthy the way he treats you. Soulmate or not, that’s no excuse to treat you so meanly,” Ochaco angrily pouted. Tsuyu turned to look at you.
“(N/N), we’re just saying this because we care. We’ll support you no matter what you do, but please don’t allow yourself to get hurt moving oceans for a guy who wouldn’t jump over a puddle, ribbit,” Tsuyu said.
“Thanks girls, I really appreciate your advice. I’m gonna leave him alone now I think,” you reply sadly. Yaomomo rubbed your arm gently with a reassuring smile.
“It’s for the best, dear,” she said. And for the best it was.
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Although Bakugou was still a pain in the ass, you kept to yourself and your friends. You only bothered with him when absolutely necessary for school, and even then it was just the bare essentials of conversation. You stopped asking him about his day, how his training was coming along and how he found the latest essay.
It unnerved him a bit. He didn’t enjoy being plagued by questions, but now you had left him alone? It was a silence he wasn’t used to. But he demanded you stopped talking, right? So why did he feel so… empty?
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@sorrowfulrosebud do not copy, steal or translate my works without permission
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Black cat au stuff 4
1. Black cat introduces himself by saying, "I'm Black Cat, but you'll soon know me as the one that got away!"
2. Joker did something to anger Danny so he decided to humiliate the clown. How you may ask? Pies. Lots and lots of pies. Hes invisible when he does it so no one actually knows its him doing it but the Joker hasn't been able to get through one monolog or do even a single dramatic entrance since all this began.
Jason is loving it.
3. Danny started visiting Arkam as Black Cat and casually chatting and befriending the people he liked. I say "visiting" but no one is really sure how he keeps getting in or out, and he doesn't obey the visiting hours policy, but he brings snacks and keeps the patients calm. It's almost like he has a comforting aura about him. Strange.
4. Danny knows Red Robin is amazing with computers but so is he. He essentially used a combo of ghost magic and coding to make a sort of digital boobie trap against anyone who tried to get into his devices/obtain his information.
Danny isn't sure how Red Robin and Oracle had done it, but they managed to set off the trap not only on thier own devices but onto every device in Gotham which was hilarious because it left Danny laugh-crying on the floor of his flower shop as the entire city of Gotham got Rick Rolled. They even got the radio towers! How???!
The scene repeated a few days later and Dannys actually impressed that they made it worse somehow as the new song he selected (The english/Metal cover of Caramelldansen) blasted now in Gotham, the Titans Tower, the Watchtower, and Mt. Justice for three whole hours before they managed to turn it off.
5. Danny loves giving the Batfam gummy worms to snack on. He even found a nice vegan brand for Damian since he's vegetarian.
6. Danny buys these dumb realistic fangs and shows them off to Nightwing and Robin saying, "Careful, I bite!"
Nightwing laughs while Robin turns an interesting shade of red. Unfortunately for him, Alley Cat noticed and upon seeing the smirk on her face he knew that she knew.
Alley proceeds to flop between taking delight in placing Robin and Black Cat in awkward crush situations and being a wingwoman.
Catwoman watches all of it through Alley and Black's cameras like a prime soap opera.
7. Might be related to 6 but Damian/Robin keeps finding new and perfectly excusable ways to hold Danny/Black Cat. Like, start up bridal style. At some point Danny got so used to Robin and Damian picking him up and will just chill in thier arms until it becomes awkward or bird boy is forced to put him down.
8. The cats are always careful to avoid anyone with a sensitivity to the supernatural after this one psychic lady started screaming in terror when she saw/sensed him.
Imagine his and Zatannas mutual horror upon meeting! Danny just blurts out he's cursed as a cover up for being a super powerful undead eldrich creature
Robin: What?!
The batfam: What?!
Zatanna: *internally screaming cause what could possibly leave a curse like that*
Danny: ...oh ancients, what have I done.
9. Dani falls in love with this show called Moster High cause the characters are "like her" and Danny is just happy she has role models until she forces him to watch it and now they sing the intro song together often. Danny is a good big brother.
10. Cass just starts randomly referring to Kitty as her brother-in-law and everyone in the Justice Leage is confused- especially when they're told its the baby of the family whos engaged.
Kitty is brought to The Watchtower for whatever reason you can come up with and Cass explains they have a prank going on where they convinced the Justice Leage that he and Robin were engaged and asked him to play along.
Kitty, being a little chaos gremlin, agreed and playfully flirted with Damian all day. It was the goodbye kiss at the end that made Robin decide he owed Cass big time.
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Bathtub, Johnny Knoxville
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Word Count: 1.1k~
Over the years, I’ve learned that Jackass comes with a lot of laughs as well as sore muscles and achy bones. Now, I don’t have to experience anything like this, thankfully, as Johnny has essentially banned me from ever doing the crazy stunts with the guys. He’s made it clear to me that he doesn’t want me to get hurt, but that’s coming from the same man who has done the infamous cup test more than once. Even when I somehow manage to get caught in the crossfire of their ridiculous yet hilarious stunts, he’s still very protective and takes care of me.
Of course, I do the same for him when he gets hurt; granted, his injuries are more severe than my occasional small skin grazes. Still, whatever he thinks will make him feel better, I do. Tonight, he suggested maybe a hot bath would help with his tender back. The guys had engaged in a paintball war for one of their stunts in their new movie, and Johnny managed to avoid every paintball in front of him. On the other hand, his back is littered with purple circles with pink and red splotches surrounding those bruises as well as cuts from the harsh impact of the many paintballs. As soon as he showed me his back after finishing the skit, I knew just how bad his back was going to bruise after a while.
With warm water surrounding us, Johnny lies back against me in the tub as he lets relaxation take over him. It’s so calm in here you could almost fall asleep, but it’s never a good idea to do that in the tub. Johnny does that enough behind the wheel, which is something I absolutely hate, but at the same time, it’s also an excuse for me to join him up front and spend time with him.
“Babygirl, thank you for this,” he tells me, releasing a sigh afterward as he nuzzles his head further into my chest, getting his hair wet in the process. He doesn’t care about this, of course, as he’s now comfortable, and with the way he’s closing his eyes, he is definitely going to fall asleep.
“Nuh-uh, Johnny, don’t fall asleep,” I tell him, guiding my hand through his damp raven locks. This action gets his attention, but he doesn’t open his eyes. “You can’t go to sleep in the tub, I won’t be able to get your ass out.”
He laughs at this, his eyes crinkling together before opening them to reveal his beautiful brown eyes to me, shining up at me with nothing but adoration. “I love you so much, honey,” he murmurs, his tone showing how heartfelt he’s being right now. These are the moments I crave, the moments where we’re joking one moment, and the next, we’re declaring our love for each other.
However, just before I get to respond to Johnny's words, a loud bang sounds throughout the bathroom as the door swings open, revealing Johnny’s friends as they laugh crazily. Immediately, I slide down further in the tub with my hands covering my chest as Johnny pushes his back against me with his arms covering my sides. He’s always protective over me, no matter what, even if that means revealing himself entirely at the same time.
“May I ask what the fuck you guys are doing here?!” Johnny exclaims while Bam and Dunn try to catch their breaths.
“Dude, we didn’t think (Y/n) was in here with you,” Bam admits to us, making me roll my eyes. Would it have been so hard for them to check beforehand? Then again, this is Bam and Dunn we’re talking about; they share a single brain cell as it is.
“Well, if you don’t mind, I’d like to get back to enjoying a bath with my wife,” Johnny says, his voice being blunt with each word. “So if you could all leave now…”
“Got room for one more?” Pontius’ infamous voice makes its way into the bathroom, making me reach my breaking point. With a groan, I grab the nearest shampoo bottle before throwing it at the boys, hitting Bam in the head before it bounces and hits Dunn. They all laugh at us, shortly leaving afterward while Johnny faces me and shakes his head. Not to mention the loud bang we heard was Dunn kicking the door in, meaning the hinge is now broken. So, as the guys left the doorway after realizing they couldn’t close the door, they all muttered a small “sorry” while failing to fight off their laughter.
“I’m sorry about them,” Johnny murmurs to me, closing his eyes as he shakes his head. I don’t know why he’s apologizing; these are our friends after all, but then again, Johnny is very protective of me. “I don’t know why the hell they’re like that, and I don’t know how the hell they got in, but baby, please-“
Before Johnny can say anymore, I gently grip his chin and tilt his head back to me so I can connect our lips. The action silences Johnny immediately as he kisses me back, ignoring the sounds of his friends still messing with each other in our home. Although, once he parts from me, he looks over at the bathroom door and groans, his previous moment of calmness now replaced by frustration.
“They knocked the damn door off its hinges,” he points the obvious out, making me sigh with him. The door wasn’t even locked since this is mine and Johnny’s house; we’ve never had to lock the doors. Again, because Bam and Dunn share a brain cell, they didn’t think of that beforehand.
“I’ll make them fix it,” I assure Johnny, leaning down to kiss his cheek. “But why don’t we go ahead and get out before they destroy the house? The water is getting kind of cold.”
Johnny lets out a short laugh at my suggestion before ultimately snuggling into me like before. “Just a few more minutes,” he murmurs, his eyes now closed as a tired sigh leaves his nose.
Knowing there’s no winning in this situation, I give in to Johnny and find myself relaxing back against the tub like before when the bathroom door could still close all the way. No wonder Johnny was stressed when he came home. Then again, I would be too if I came home to escape the incessant jokes and pranks at work, only for it to follow me here too.
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yourdeepestfathoms · 2 years
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Ride the Cyclone Kids and A Beach House
so Every Single Year, my family goes down to the beach for Labor Day to hang out with relatives, and while there this year, we stayed with my cousins in a rented beach house. so this is loosely based on things that happened there!
don’t ask why they’re at a beach house. just let them be happy and have fun.
Beach house = infiltrated
There’s a lot of rooms, but somehow some people still have to share beds
Like, there’s this one room with two full beds, so four people will have to share the room, two to each bed (the other two who aren’t in the room get their own bed somewhere else)
“We’re gonna have to sleep ass-to-ass” -Penny
“I can’t wait to spoon one of you guys” -Constance
They do rotations each night to try and find the most comfortable pairing
(Ricky always gets his own bed in a different room, though)
When Ocean and Constance share a bed, it’s normal. Those two have no issue sleeping next to each other. Ocean probably wakes up with her head against Constance’s somehow. It’s very cute.
The other pairings, though…..
When Mischa and Noel share a bed, they basically end up fistfighting at the start because Mischa kept ripping away all the blankets, leaving Noel FREEZING
The other pair in the room will just be dozing, then will hear the LOUDEST rustling and will look over to see those two BATTLING with each other to get the blankets
When Noel and Ocean share a bed, they lay as far away from each other as possible. Noel is basically off the entire bed on the edge, and Ocean is essentially in the crack between the wall and the bed
When Constance and Penny share a bed, it’s comfortable! Except Penny keeps touching Constance with her cold feet, and Constance almost cries (“stop touching me with your feet!” “i gotta hang on” “NOOOOO!!!!”)
When Mischa and Constance share a bed, Mischa has met a worthy foe when it comes to blanket stealing
When Constance and Noel share a bed, poor Noel once again has all the blankets ripped away from him. He finally gets tired of it and goes to sleep on the couch downstairs where he knows blankets are.
When Penny and Ocean share a bed, Ocean will literally wake up with Penny basically on top of her, giving her No Room whatsoever. It’s warm, though, and Ocean’s touch-starved, so she doesn’t really mind.
When Penny and Mischa share a bed, they’re ALWAYS smooshed together because I feel like those two move a lot when they sleep, but neither of them wake up because of it. Like, Mischa has his arm slung across Penny, while Penny’s face is in his neck and her leg is stretched over his own, but again, neither of them notice. It honestly looks pretty comfortable.
Mischa: *talking about who he Snaps on Snapchat*
Ocean: you don’t Snap me
Noel: girl, you’re in the same bed as him
(Actual thing said one night at the beach house between my brother and my two cousins, and maybe it’s not as funny as I think it is, but it was midnight when it was said, so everything instantly becomes ten times more hilarious)
Everyone: *trying to finally fall asleep*
Penny: I think clenching your buttcheeks should be the next fashion statement
Noel, laying in bed next to her: EXCUSE ME
They somehow start doing shadow puppets on the wall
Okay, well
PENNY starts doing shadow puppets on the wall
Someone turned on their phone flashlight to grab something, and she just started makin animals with her hands
Penny, to Constance, across the room: You’re being eaten. Look to your left.
Constance: *looks to her left* *a very bad shadow puppet dog is opening and closing its mouth at her*
They all thought this was HILARIOUS for some reason
They climb onto the beach house roof at night at one point
All of them
Roof party!!!!
Ocean loses one of her Crocs climbing up, and she lets out the most DISMAYED scream
Mischa keeps asking the others if they think he could jump to the other house (Ocean says no because she doesn’t want them getting in trouble)
Constance and Penny are dancing up there
At one point they just lay on the roof, looking up at the stars, and it’s so peaceful
And then Penny just goes, “these shingles are chewing into the skin of my ass”
Downstairs, there’s this jar where guests can write what they’re thankful for and then put it inside
Naturally, none of them take is seriously
Constance writes “I’m grateful for Hatsune Miku” but she spelled Miku as Mike so it was actually “I’m grateful for Hatsune Mike,” and they were all HOWLING with laughter
Hatsune Mike
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rjalker · 10 months
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I can't believe I have to insult Martha Wells this way. No one should be worse at writing something than Anne McCaffrey. And yet here we are.
There's only 3.2 more Dragonriders of Pern books for me to read before I've read literally all of them, and I very highly doubt either McCaffrey will have an opportunity to somehow retroactively fuck up this miraculous and probably entirely accidental accomplishment, so...
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[ID: Text that reads, "Who would win?" over two sections of text. The first section is labeled, "Martha Wells, whose nonbinary protagonist who uses it/its pronouns has been misgendered in the books one time so far". This is fighting against the second section, labeled: "Anne McCaffrey, whose nonbinary character who used it/its pronouns was misgendered almost every single time it was spoken of". Larger text below both sections at the bottom of the image reads, "The answer may shock you!" with many exclamation marks and number ones. End Id.]
Anyways. It will never stop being hilarious to me that by having all the protagonists misgender AIVAS and having only Toric and a few other characters we're not supposed to like use its correct pronouns, Anne McCaffrey is accidentally proving how bigoted and ignorant her so-called heroes are and she doesn't even realize it 😂 [laughing crying emoji]. like she' just having them all admit they're raging misogynists who can't even imagine respecting anyone who's not a man but she hasn't actually grasped that this is what she is telling us about her beloved characters that she wants us to think are the most bestest people ever to exist and can do nothing wrong and are definitely not bad people even though they're fucking evil in too many ways to count. It's so fucking funny.
If you have no clue how AIVAS constantly being misgendered is better representation than everyone magically knowing Murderbot's pronouns I will elaborate if you're actually interested lol. It's hilarious.
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jakowskis · 4 months
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spent today playin sims instead of writing and i made tw sims and let them do whatever and sat back with popcorn to watch. heres some of the stuff that happened
so for starters, for background, i made them like a hub but it's not the hub from the show, and it's also got bedrooms and i locked the door to leave and theyre all unemployed so they just stay in there and have to deal with each other all day. for my amusement
theyve started just wearing their pajamas all day. ianto and tosh are the only ones who consistently get dressed most days. jack's about 50/50. owen n gwen are ALWAYS in their pjs. (UPDATE i played a little more since i first wrote up this post ianto n tosh have given in theyre all-day pj bitches too now)
this is esp funny with owen whos pjs are just his underwear. so mf is just walking around practically naked all the time which is biblically accurate honestly
i gave jack n owen the flirty trait... jack has racked up small romance bars with both ianto and tosh, interestingly.
owen is the only one who doesn't have a romance bar with anyone, funnily enough. i gave him the flirty AND mean traits fdhskfj so ig that mean trait's been keeping everyone away. however him and gwen have both flirted and argued with each other and i think thats rlly funny cuz i didnt even influence them like they did that on their own. sims imitates art
additionally, at one point all of them were flirty all at once except for owen. and guess what he was instead? happy, of all things. which is doubly funny bc every single other time i check on him hes angry.
gwen and ianto had a romance bar between them for a sec but its fading thyere besties now instead
owen tosh n gwen have become gamers they r addicted
theyre all addicted to ping pong also (i gave them a ping pong table)
tosh has had like three breakthroughs (genius trait) in like three in-game days which seems high but. thats our tosh
ianto has made friends w everyone and consistently seeks out convos w all four of them. sims said get extraverted, bitch
tosh keeps to herself, gwen is constantly gaming so she only talks to ppl who come up to her desk and talk to her, jack and owen have been chatting almost constantly which is hilarious. most communication ive ever seen those two have
tosh n ianto keep taking baths which feels Right somehow they do seem like bath bitches. im unleashing them in a lush
i gave them a treadmill and owen and gwen are the only two who've touched it which also feels right
TOSH WAS ON FIRE AT ONE POINT AND I GOT SO SCARED but shes ok its fine. ianto put her out. owen got scared of the fire and did a gay little run into his room and it made me giggle
tosh also keeps cleaning up its driving me nuts thats iantos job girl!!! go be a genius!!!
also her and ianto were having a dance party and then gwen joined and then gwen didnt STOP. the dancing queen
owen trolled the forums at one point. he was on reddit
oh and one time his exhaustion got in the red and instead of going to sleep like everyone else he drank coffee... thought that was on point i kno his ass doesnt get regular sleep
none of them have tried to cook. they all just microwave shit. n then complain that the food was gross
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mild-incompetence · 2 years
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Back at it again with my third post about Second Life Ranker
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To enjoy a story I don’t need to agree with the main character I just need to be entertained. Cain is not a good person but he is an entertaining one which might explain how I have somehow read almost six hundred chapters.
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Sometimes I empathize with what the 98th floor feels while watching Cain’s escapades. Cain did not start the fire but he definitely sold the oil. . . and the matches.
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There is so much I can talk about and I really should have made a post earlier. Cain has made so many power plays against the 98th floor and every single one of them have been hilarious.
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I have to talk about two scenes in particular that genuinely made me laugh:
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I was not expecting a scene where someone has to explain to Kronos Olympus’ f#cked up family tree. Its not something I thought I needed in my life but now that I have it I don’t know how I ever went without.
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Or the time Mother Earth and Cain played a game of chicken with The World Tree and asked each other “Who cares less about the universe?” And Mother Earth knew that it wasn’t her.
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arianaagreyy · 3 years
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I Love You || James Potter
Pairing: James Potter x Fem!Reader
Words: 2096 words
Warning: Fluff, Insecurity, Emotional talk, Panic attack
___________________________________________________________
Y/N was the talk of Hogwarts. Intelligent, Sarcastic, Funny, Athletic but most of all, beautiful inside and out. The kindest soul to walk the grounds of Hogwarts. Kind to the Slytherins that bullied her, kind to the children who adored her.
It was no secret that James Potter was absolutely head over heels in love with his amazing girlfriend. Both of them were the ideal couple. Quidditch players, smart students, attractive looks. Girls envied Y/N whereas boys envied James and he liked showing you off as well.
But despite being loved by boys and girls alike, Y/N always had trouble fitting in. The day she transferred from Durmstrang to Hogwarts, she was terrified of how she'll fit in. She was on the verge of a panic attack when a red-head girl had so kindly offered her a hand to show around the castle, thus starting the friendship between Lily Evans and Y/N Y/L/N.
Now, with her friends, Y/N, Lily, Marlene and Dorcas entered the Potions classroom, tired because of laughing so hard from all the way from the Gryffindor dormitory to the Dungeons.
"Welcome ladies. So very kind of you to grace us with your presence", Professor Slughorn's voice seized their noise of laughter. Slughorn had a very sour expression on his face whereas two rows away, James Potter was looking at his girlfriend in awe.
The way her deep blue eyes were glistening in the light and shiny from laughing so hard, the way her lips formed the most beautiful smile James had ever seen in his life, the way her Y/H/C hair framed her perfectly carved face. He was so in love with her.
His thoughts were interrupted by a paper plane hitting the back of his head and falling on the table. He lifted the paper to open it.
Whipped. -Signed Moony, Padfoot and Wormtail.
He turned back to see the three boys trying to muffle the sound of their laughter by putting their hands on their mouths. James rolled his eyes and mouthed "Fuck off".
"We're sorry Professor. It won't happen again", her beautiful voice spoke. James looked around the class to see the boys looking at her with such admiration, It made him want to hex them all into the next century. Only he could see his Y/N with those eyes.
At the same time, James looked back at her just to see she was looking back at him with a smile so warm, it almost melted him.
"It shouldn't happen again. Now get inside. We already lost a lot of time", Slughorn rushed the girls into the class. All of them took their places next to their respective partners, Y/N being paired with Lucius Malfoy whereas James was stuck with Snape who, once in a while looked at him, rolled his eyes and went back to doing what he previously was.
James glanced over Y/N's direction to see Lucius Malfoy laughing silently on something Y/N said, a smile on her face as well. She was too good to people, even if they were undeserving of her kindness.
As time went by, James started getting more aware of the laughing noises coming from where his girlfriend was sitting. There were many thoughts running through his mind.
What if she thinks I'm not good enough.
What if she's not happy with me.
They both look so happy.
She has the ability to see the goodness in even the darkest of souls.
What if I'm not enough for her.
Consumed by his thoughts, he was at the verge of a panic attack when Professor Slughorn announced that the class was dismissed. James quickly picked up his books in one hand, slung his bag over his shoulder and bolted out of the classroom, not even sparing a glance towards Y/N, who was looking at James with concerned eyes.
Y/N sensed something was wrong so she very politely excused herself from Lucius, packed her stuff and ran off to the direction James did.
They had been together for nearly a year now but neither of them had told the other that they were completely and utterly in love with them. Y/N decided to tell him today. Now.
She had been building up her confidence to say this to him for a while now and that's what she was discussing with the girls earlier in the day until Marlene had changed the topic into something too hilarious.
She climbed the stairs that led to the Gryffindor Common Room, hoping she would find James there. She entered the Common Room to hear the sound of heavy breathing alongside muffled sobs coming from the boys' dormitory.
A lump formed in her throat as she slowly made her way towards the source of the sound. She opened the Marauders' room to find James sitting in a corner of the room with his knees scrunched up to his stomach, elbows on his knees and hands in his hair. He was shaking violently from the pressure of his sobs.
Y/N stood there trying to absorb the situation. Her strong, smart, funny boyfriend was sitting in a secluded corner of a room crying because of God knows what.
She slowly took steps towards him and fell on her knees in front of him. He somehow felt her presence as he stopped shaking and tried wiping away his tears but Y/N stopped his hand from reaching his face.
"You should be in class Y/N", he said, his voice raspy from crying so badly. Y/N's heart broke at the sight in front of her. He didn't lift up his head as he talked to her.
"And you should be dropping me to class", she spoke in a calming voice, trying to soothe him. Whenever she talked in this manner, James' nerves always calmed down but somehow this time, they only grew. His breathing started getting heavy again but he refused to look in her direction.
He knew he was over-thinking. He also talked to girls but Y/N never reacted in this way whereas when Y/N talked to any guy, he would start feeling this indescribable feeling to break that guy's face.
Y/N detected his heavy breathing and placed her hand on his bicep. James felt her soothing touch and his breathing returned to normal. Y/N then placed her hand on his already messy hair and started massaging his head, something she knew James liked.
He looked up to see her eyes full of concern and tears at the brims of them. As soon as Y/N looked into his eyes, a tear escaped her eye. His hazel eyes didn't have that mischievous glint in them; they had a broken look in them, like he lost something very dear to him.
James' hand was quick to wipe away the tear that left Y/N's eye. She looked so concerned for him. Just for him.
"James what's wrong?" she asked, her voice so calm, so enchanting.
"Is everything ok? Are Mia and Monty ok? Did something happened to Sirius? Are you hurt?" she bombarded him with concerning questions.
He shook his head as an indication that nothing of that sort happened. Her eyebrows furrowed as she spoke in a low voice:
"Did I do something wrong? I messed up. Didn't I?"
James quickly stood up on his feet, ears ringing from anger. How could she think that she did something to sadden him. She's perfect in every way. A perfect friend, a perfect girlfriend, a perfect daughter.
Y/N also stood up quickly, her hand falling from James' head.
"HOW COULD YOU THINK THAT?" he practically screamed at her.
"HOW COULD YOU THINK THAT YOU DID SOMETHING THAT COULD EVER SADDEN ME?"
By now he had lost all his senses. Nothing mattered more to him that his Y/N. His.
"You're the reason I smile everyday. You are the reason I wake up everyday. Just to look at you. You bring joy in my life, happiness that I never knew existed. Everything you do is so bloody perfect. You are so perfect", he spoke in a hushed voice but loud enough for Y/N to hear.
"And I can't even begin to thank you for all that you've done to me, for me. But me? What did I do to you besides showing you public affection? I never talked to you in class. I didn't buy gifts for you. I didn't stand up for you in class. I don't deserve you", he spoke, his eyes no longer connected to Y/N's.
She looked at the boy standing in front of him. That confident, arrogant toe-rag who looked so vulnerable right now.
"I see how the other boys look at you. With such admiration in their eyes. Whenever I find them staring at you, it just makes me feel as if I'm not good enough for you. I'll never be able to-"
He was cut off by Y/N throwing a pillow at his face. He finally looked up to see her face stained with tears, similar as his. Her eyes weren't glistening with happiness, they were glistening with sadness. Sadness that he could think he's not good enough for her.
"WHY WOULD YOU THINK THAT?" It was her turn to scream now.
"WHY WOULD YOU THINK THAT YOU ARE NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME", she shouted, tears falling from her eyes.
James was staring at Y/N with wide eyes. She was such a calm-spoken person and hearing her shout was new. But some part of him calmed down hearing her defend him.
"James, none of those boys were there for me when I needed help, none of them comforted me after my nightmares, none of them helped me catch up to my studies, none of them defended me from bullies. It was you. It was you all along", she said in a calm voice yet tears were still silently flowing from her eyes.
"You're the best thing that's ever happened to me James Potter. I don't care how those boys look at me. I care about how YOU look at me. You make me strong Potter. You make me happy", she said with a smile. I teary smile made its way to James' face as well.
"And I have absolutely no idea why you're so insecure about yourself because-", she stopped and took a deep breath.
"Because I love you James Potter. And even if I have to remind you that, I'll do it every single day, I will. Because I'll go any lengths just to be with you", she ended with a sniff.
James stood frozen, staring at her. Looking into her eyes.
Love.
He saw love in her eyes. Love for him. Not Lucius, not anybody. Him.
Before he knew it, he was taking fast steps towards her and slammed his lips to hers. This felt right. It felt as though they were home. In each other's arms. A comfortable warmth spread through their bodies as they held each other close with an intention of never letting go. Y/N was his drug and he gladly surrendered to her.
They broke apart with a smile etched on both of their faces.
"I love you Y/N. I love you more than myself", he said, sincerity in his voice.
"I know. I'm just too irresistible", she said, flipping her hair off her shoulder and looking at James with a smile that he wished he he could see everyday.
James pulled her into a comfortable embrace. Her hands rested on his neck and his on her waist, pulling her close. He dug his face into the crook of her neck.
"I'm never letting you go Mrs. Potter", his voice came out muffled. She let out a small chuckle which made blood rise to James' cheeks.
Suddenly, she pulled apart and looked at him with a glint in her eyes that meant trouble.
"Did you get jealous because I was talking to Lucius earlier?", she asked with a raised eyebrow. James didn't reply, just looked down, his face getting redder. she let out a laugh.
"Oh my god. I absolutely have to tell Pads and Moony you got jealous of Lucius", she shouted as she darted towards the exit, looking at James one more time before winking at him and left.
Too surprised to do anything, he let out a laugh of his own. A laugh of happiness, a laugh of love.
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sirisuorionblack · 3 years
Text
Professor Lupin
Professor!Remus Lupin x Professor!Slytherin!Reader
Request: Hey! Could I please request a Professors AU with Remus? I melt over the idea of him reuniting with someone from his school days when they both become professors and potentially a shit ton of pining from our boy Prof. Lupin ☺️ ty lovely!!! Xxx
Warning - none that know of.
A/N I hope you like it @cherrycolakxsses! Had so many doubts to post it but this I finally out. It's quite lengthy and might feel rushed at the end. Sorry!
"(Y/N) (L/N),” Professor McGonagall’s voice tore through the music blasting inside (Y/N)’s office. Does it set a bad example? Definitely. Does she care? Maybe.
“Old habits die hard, Professor,” she said, extinguishing the candlelight on her desk that's been lit since last night when she was going through a few papers. McGonagall chuckled at that.
The two of them walked down the corridor to the great hall for breakfast when Professor McGonagall said something, “Who do you reckon is going to be this year’s Defence Professor?”
“The dementors?” (Y/N) asked, looking genuinely confused.
McGonagall glared at her, “I wish you weren’t a professor, I could have deducted points,”
“Professor Slughorn would have been mad at that,” (Y/N) chuckled.
Professor McGonagall smiled at the fond memories of her past colleague complaining to her about “unfair deduction of house points”.
“But tell me a plausible guess of who might be this year’s Defence professor,” she insisted, a small smile tugging on the corner of her lips.
(Y/N) narrowed her eyes, “What are you planning, Minnie?”
The said person rolled her eyes at the nickname, “Well, I will tell who the Professor is - Its Remus Lupin,”
She could see the young professor straighten, staring at a spot on the ground as her thoughts ran wild, mind flooding with memories of a certain familiar Gryffindor.
“Oh,” was all she could muster.
“He will be joining us tomorrow,” McGonagall said carefully, looking intently at the girl before her.
“What!? Tomorrow?” she said, her eyes blown wide.
“Yes, and I except for him to have a good welcome,”
“You think I would be...mean to him?”
“What are you two still in your fifth year?”
“Oh come on, Minnie! Don't do that!”
“I should give it to the two of you, it was rather hilarious,”
“What is hilarious in watching two fifteen year olds duel!?”
“You will know it,”
That night (Y/N) rolled on the expanse of her bed, wanting nothing but the face of the Gryffindor to just disappear and allow her to sleep but all she could think about was him. She wondered if that same high school crush was turning, she wished not.
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“Welcome, Remus,” Professor Dumbledore greeted him with a wide smile as Remus looked around the Headmaster’s office. He had come here only a handful of times and every single instance was just not the best.
“Hello, Professor,” He said, smiling politely.
After the introductory chat, Dumbledore said, “Well, come on, then, let me introduce you to the rest.” Remus smiled awkwardly as the Professor clapped him on the back.
Remus stopped dead in his tracks as Professor McGonagall and another young woman walked in. He immediately identified her, it was (Y/N) (L/N), his once upon a time arch-nemesis. He clearly remembered her 16 year old self, a bright smile on her face as she spoke to him rationally for once, settling everything, that contrasted the taboo of students with green robes having cold look.
(Y/N)'s smile slipped as she saw him, he was extremely thin and malnourished but he did have a smile on his face that compensated for everything else.
“Hey,” she said, mustering the smile back and outstretching her hand.
Remus coughed as he managed to break out of the trail of memories and shook her hand, “Hello,”
“Ms (L/N), can you please accompany Mr Lupin to his office?” Dumbledore asked.
“Yes, professor,” she said without giving it another thought.
“Do you remember this place?” (Y/N) asked with a smile as they reached a deserted corridor.
Remus barked a loud laugh, “Oh, how can I not! Wasn't this the place where we charmed the water balloons to pop right above your head?”
“Yep, it was the very same place where the epic duel happened, the time I had almost won,”
“But you didn't,”
“And neither did you,”
“I think - what was his name? - Liam Holloway! Yes, he ended up in the hospital wing,”
“That's what you get when you try to get in between a duel,”
Remus chuckled, “One of the reasons that was epic because that's when they saw Hogwarts’ most silent people have a fully-fledged duel,”
"Oh, yes! But honestly, to this day I have no idea how it started,"
Remus chuckled, "It was because the water had drenched your potions and charms essay "
"My potions and charms essay? Remus," (Y/N) dissolved in a fit of giggles, "Oh goodness,"
"What?" Remus asked, a smile spreading its way on his face. He waited for her to calm down.
"Professor Slughorn had looked at me pitifully the next class and then said I didn't have to hand in that essay and Flitwick did too. I hadn't done either of their essays that time. And when they told me that I was so confused as to why they did,"
Remus' jaw dropped as he looked at her incredulously, giggles still escaping her lips, "And I being the nice person I was, I wrote that essay for you and had James put it "discreetly" into your bag. Wait, that green bag was yours, wasn't it?"
"That was you!?" She asked, her eyes wide.
"Yes," he said, nodding.
"Oh, Merlin, I thought it was Snape for some odd reason and I was being good to him!”
“Should I be offended?”
“I dunno, I am sorry,” she wiped the tears that formed in the corner of her eyes with the amount of laughter she did within the few minutes.
Remus watched her as she smiled and looked around, the two of them falling into a comfortable silence.
“This will be your office,” (Y/N) said, opening her arms wide open at the entrance, “the terms start in a couple of days and then-” she grinned at him.
Remus was slightly distracted by the tank that stood at the side of the room, perhaps it was a fish tank; it was empty so he had no idea about the use of the tank and the thought of buying a fish for it ran high.
“No, honestly, the kids are great!” she said proudly, misinterpreting his silence.
“Are they?” Remus asked as he looked around his new office.
“Yes! I mean they are so lovely and sweet and just amazing, unlike some,” she said pointedly.
Remus chuckled, “What are you insinuating, (L/N)?”
“You know exactly what I am insinuating, Lupin,” she said, smirking.
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(Y/N) squeezed Remus’ arm, watching his eyes turn glossy as he looked at the boy seated at the Gryffindor table laughing with his friends, resembling a lot like Remus’ late best friend.
He sighed and looked away. Soon, Professor McGonagall engaged him in a conversation, as though sensing the situation long ago. He spoke to her, a subtle forced smile on his face though all he could think about was his friends at the age of fifteen running along the corridors hollering and howling with laughter as they did so, and (Y/N).
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“Good morning, Professor Lupin,” Remus heard as he walked through the corridors of Hogwarts - his once upon a time home, where he laughed and found friends and people who loved him, people he loved - he turned around to find (Y/N) grinning at him, “You know, I never thought you’d be a Professor,”
“You think I don't have the capability?” Remus asked, his eyebrows scrunched in offence.
“No, I mean you were after all the brain behind those petty pranks,” she said, grinning at him, “Do you think I didn't notice those “secret” whispers?”
“You-how?” Remus asked.
(Y/N) froze, biting her lips to prevent the blush from spilling onto her cheeks, “That doesn't matter. By the way, I must say, that prank on Snape where his hair was neon green for a week-?”
“That was epic and you know it,” he cut in.
“Yes, I know, Lupin, let me finish, will you? The part of the reason why it was because I did something,” she smiled cheekily, looking at him through her lashes and making Remus’ heartbeat cease and he felt as though the air in his lungs were knocked out.
Remus blinked, looked at her and asked, “What?”
(Y/N) chuckled, “Yes. The potion was to turn Snape’s hair a shade of purple, it was quite nice on him I must say but it wasn't - how do I put it, um,” she snapped her fingers in the air trying to find the right word.
“Humiliating?” Remus suggested.
Her eyes widened as she chuckled, “No, more like embarrassing?”
Remus smiled, “Alright,”
“So, I had mixed a neon green solution I had stored for, well...you,”
“For me!?”
“Yes,” she said with a giggle.
Remus blinked, “Why would you do that?”
“Um, good question but remember I hated you at that period of three months,” she said, shrugging.
“Well, now?” Remus asked, tilting his head slightly and staring at her intently.
“What now?” she asked.
Remus looked away from her striking orbs and at the sea of students, “You know, do you still hate me,”
“Nah,” she said and proceeded to mumble incoherently.
“What did you say?”
“Oh, nothing, nothing at all,”
The two of them fell into the depths of awkward silence, struggling to get back. Students who passed the greeted and smiled, giving (Y/N) an opportunity to break the silence.
"What are you planning to do in your first class?" (Y/N) asked.
Remus had brainstormed the past night. He wanted something that would make his first class a good one, an opportunity to teach the students all while taking a place in their heart and getting to know them. Remus believed that a student would like the subject if they liked the teacher.
"I thought of doing some theory part or something like that," Remus shrugged unsurely.
“Theory? On your first day?” She looked at him as though he was an alien, “Wow, Lupin, I thought you were genius,”
Somehow, as she muttered those words Remus felt a blush forming on his face, perhaps because she thought he was a genius (which he was), or it was embarrassment.
"You could do like practical like, I dunno, something cool," she said, waving her hands wildly.
"Um, what is cool?" Remus said, blankly.
(Y/N) stopped, gawked at him and left forward, shaking her head, "Do whatever you want, Lupin!" She yelled.
"Hey, hey, wait! (L/N)! HEY!" He called after her, watching her go without another glance at him, "And there she goes. Great, Remus, scared the girl away,"
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"You did a boggart!?" (Y/N) exclaimed, the evening Remus had come into her office uninvited - definitely startling her - and boasting about what he taught that day.
"Yes," Remus chuckled, "Neville's boggart was Snape, you know,"
(Y/N)'s jaw dropped, "Wait, I, oh my goodness, his worst fear is Snape?"
"Yeah," Remus mumbled. (Y/N) fell silent as her eyes connected with his, both of them drawing deep breaths. She got lost into the depth of his eyes, concentrating on trying to find which colour they adorn - green? brown? amber? - it would take her years to find out.
(Y/N) coughed and looked away, breaking herself from...whatever she was put into.
"Um, uh," Remus shifted on his feet, one hand stuffed into his pocket and the other scratching his neck, "Would you - um, perhaps we could, I mean, if you want to-" Remus stopped his stuttering and took a deep breath, "We could take a walk? Like just down the-"
(Y/N) chuckled, standing up and crossing the desk. She grabbed the jacket that hung on a stand in the corner of her office. The coat was an obnoxiously dark colour of green that made Remus scrunch his face.
"What?" She asked, narrowing her eyes, "You don’t wanna come?"
Remus grinned extremely widely, and snatched his coat, stumbling to join her pace.
The two of them walked down the corridor to the black lake, their surroundings cold, the chill air swishing their cloaks yet the two of them felt warmth seeping into every inch of their body.
"You do know that it's way past curfew, don’t you?" Remus tried to joke. The keyword being - tried. He was bad at that, he was bad at flirting, he was absolutely terrible with girls.
But to his utter surprise, (Y/N) threw her head back, laughing, "You do know that we are Professors, don’t you?"
"Well, it’s my first day," Remus shrugged.
"Oh, now about that again - did you really do a boggart with your students? Really? In the first class you wanted them to show their fears?" She said, glaring at him.
Remus shrugged and looked around, his eyes catching the moon, it was waning gibbous, 7 days due to full moon. He was finally back at Hogwarts for the full moon. 16 years later.
"Remus," (Y/N) laid her hand on his arm. He suddenly whipped his head to look at her, the movement adding to their close proximity.
Remus froze. Her eyes. They were captivating to him. They shined under the moonlight, her eye colours modified into bright, shining ones. He fell into the mysterious depth of her eyes that pulled him closer, quite literally.
Both of them did not know when but soon their lips connected in a messy kiss but it was perfect for them. Their hands manoeuvred until hers were buried into his brown curls and his arms wound around her waist, pulling her closer. Remus tilted his head, deepening the kiss.
Kissing under the moonlight, what a cliche, yet, Remus Lupin wouldn't want it any other way.
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stellocchia · 3 years
Text
Since I really enjoyed yesterday's stream I decided to do one of my overly long analysis on it
So, here's my analysis of (DSMP LORE) Healthy Competition
Dialogues will be color-coded as usual, so here's what I used: Phil, Wilbur, Ranboo
As always I am incapable of brevity, so everything's under the cut
The stream starts with a conversation between Phil and Wilbur in which Wilbur admits that he hasn't been to visit Phil in a while, which makes Phil's later threat about throwing him out feel that much more ridiculous since Wilbur clearly doesn't really live with him either way...
"Alright, it's got one for Phil, one for Ranboo, and one for Techno. Is that all that live here? Just you three?" "Yep, just us three, just chilling"
The only reason why I'm singling this out is that it was right after the mention of Techno's birthday and Wilbur was pointing at the seats occupied by the 4 members of the Syndicate so it feels slightly weird that Niki wasn't mentioned at all. But also it's technically not a lie, she doesn't live there and she only comes around for the Syndicate meetings.
Another thing to add is that Wilbur did notice the chest Ranboo left for him and consciously decided to ignore it.
"I must admit I've come to you with a bit of a- a bit of a proposition. You're into propositions Phil? Are you a bit of a 'propositions' kinda guy?" "Oh, depends, depends. You- you've had some pretty... let- let's just say, uh- not- not a great track record on propositions that you've had in the past" "Alright... I mean, I'm trying to move past that"
I wonder what exactly Phil is referring to here. Because, like, Wilbur did bad things, don't get me wrong, but what's his track record with "propositions" in particular? Because he isn't talking about "Tommy, let's be the bad guys" here since he doesn't know about that. Is he talking about Wilbur founding L'Manburg? But then again, I don't think Wilbur interpreted it that way. I think that, from Wilbur's reaction, he clearly interpreted it as a jab at him exploding L'Manburg (which is the one thing he's trying to move past) which would be extremely hypocritical from Phil since he did the exact same thing but worse.
Also, I really do think that Wilbur is trying to move forward. He's lonely and he has the lowest possible opinion of himself so it doesn't feel weird that he'd want to move on. He isn't putting the work in it right now and he hasn't really changed, but he does seem to want to (though I think he may not know how).
"He [Quackity] didn't seem afraid of me, which is cool. Not many people- I mean you don't seem afraid of me. You aren't afraid of me, are you Phil?" (little look into Wilbur's mind and his fear of isolation once again. And this is fear of isolation, he's worried that other people are afraid of him and therefore are only waiting for him to step out of line so that all their fears would be confirmed)
"'Cause I'm not afraid of you [Phil]" (bold words for someone who spent who knows how long lying to his dad because of a crippling fear of disappointment...)
"Technoblade spent his entire time taking down the establishments, what he left is, as predicted, a power vacuum for a new establishment to come in" (in case it wasn't obvious, Wilbur is not the biggest fan of anarchy. And he actually got this one criticism spot on, indeed all taking down L'Manburg did was getting 4 new governmental-like structures to sprout in its place)
"Phil, I want to make a burger van" *Phil sighs and walks away* (I'm more sure now that Phil really meant "creating L'Manburg" as Wilbur's bad track record with propositions)
Wilbur repeating 4 times that he has no ulterior motive with the burger van managed to make me think the exact opposite. That said that ulterior motive may just be to create a safe little home for himself and Tommy for all we know honestly. Also, the whole thing with Phil trying to convince his grown-ass kid to go play with the neighbor kid and Wilbur throwing a tantrum in response was hilarious...
"If he's [Ranboo] shit you gotta come help me okay? If he's shit you've gotta come be burger boy with me, okay?" (he still is mistrustful to an extreme and pretty childish admittedly)
"Why is he [Phil] treating me like a kid?! Why is he treating me like a little baby?" (remembering how Wilbur treated Fundy I think it may be a family problem)
Another interesting thing to point out is that Wilbur was openly scared of the spider attacking him here, and fights it off, but he doesn't move away from the explosion later on and he didn't move away from the exploding creepers last stream. Other people already made this connection, but I do think it may be a sort of way to punish himself. Specifically, it's brought up later on that he thinks he got off easy for what he did, so he's using what he hurt others with (explosions) to hurt himself now as a sort of punishment for that. Which is another indication of just how much his stay in Limbo didn't help with his mental health.
"Am I being- is this [Ranboo having both cows and wheat] a setup?" (the paranoia never left)
"Ranboo I'm gonna go out on a limb here: do- do you wanna be friends?" "Su-sure yeah, I don't see why not" (I think that at this point it was still just Wilbur following along with what his dad told him to do and trying to find out more about Ranboo. That does seem to change later down the line)
"And then we decided that it [the 'cookie' outpost] was too much trouble so we kinda just left it" (So we have confirmation that the cookie outpost was abandoned)
"We're not gonna annoy Quackity" "That's good" "We can't annoy- we can't annoy him because we're simply put- we're simply put gonna be making...- I got the real estate! He's giving me the area and we're gonna be making a competing business"
Wilbur says this as if he wasn't perfectly aware that this would annoy the sh*t out of Quackity. As if the point of it wasn't exactly to annoy Quackity. Or well, annoying him isn't the end goal, it's just the means to an end. We don't know the actual end goal (though I think Wilbur still wants to either be let into Las Nevadas or actually instate a rivalry between them as he said, one of the two).
"We [he and Quackity] were a part of the same cabinet during New L'Manburg or whatever" "Cabinet?" "Yeah a cabinet is like-" "Was this- was this with Tubbo?" "Yeah yeah" (...) "So you were part of the old L'Manburg? I didn't know that actually, I thought you were a bit of an independent"
Once again: Wilbur is missing A LOT of knowledge. He wasn't aware that New L'Manburg had a cabinet and he wasn't aware that Ranboo was ever part of the country either. He has a lot of misconceptions about what happened during the time he was dead so it really shouldn't be a surprise to anyone that his views on a lot of things are as warped as they are. Wilbur is getting to his conclusions with an incomplete and sometimes wrong set of data.
"Do you dislike anyone Ranboo?" "Not too much I don't think. I mean there are other people I don't, like, agree with what they've done of course, but I think that everyone is just a product of what they've gone through and everything so if you understand that then you understand the person!"
There is nothing inherently wrong with Ranboo's reasoning here. It's true that most people are a result of their environment and, once you understand what they've been through you can understand them better as a person. It's also fine that he personally doesn't want to hold grudges. But that way of thinking isn't applicable to those who have been hurt by others, sure they can reach an understanding, but an understanding of a person doesn't justify shit and doesn't change shit unless that person works towards repairing old broken relationships. It just all sounds like a nice way of thinking about things in theory, but in practice, it just takes away responsibility from those who have wronged others to fix things and moves it to those who have been wronged. (Ranboo isn't advocating for everyone to think that way though, but I know the fandom will).
Either way, they arrive in Las Nevadas and Wilbur talks about how their place doesn't benefit the consumer and puts down 3 signs.
"I've been trying to think of a name for it [his and Tommy's area], I'm thinking about 'Paradise'"
There are two possible reasons for the name that I can think of:
1) It's in reference to Las Nevadas itself and how Las Nevadas is based on Las Vegas, the famous city of sin
2) It could be a reference to Tommy insistently calling Las Nevadas Paradise in the last stream and Wilbur trying to convince him that their place is the true Paradise
Wilbur does decide to make the Burger Van right at the border which really feels like a very obvious provocation. The other thing is that he makes it clear that he wants the van to be red and white which could be a random choice, but really feels like a reference to Tommy (since they are famously his colors) or an imitation of their opposition. Or both considering how much Tommy liked the restaurant of the opposition and the fact that Wilbur is still trying to convince him to stay.
"I'm not very fond of blue" (at this point it's obvious that Wilbur has quite a bit of pent-up animosity against Ghostbur. I wonder if it is because it still feels like people liked the ghost more than him...)
"Like, the Cookie Shop, I don't even know if it was a cookie shop, to begin with, because it was a little... fortified if I'm entirely honest, I realize that now" "Really?" "Yeah did you not see- oh wait- that giant stone structure?" (Ranboo really did fail to realize that the cookie shop was actually a military outpost, huh?)
"See, I like Tubbo. He's strong-headed, he doesn't let people push him around, you know?" (this is both an interesting change in what he thinks of Tubbo if he actually thinks that and further confirmation that Wilbur isn't a fan of people he considers to be 'followers')
"Why do you claim that you're so 'peaceful' and 'neutral' and yet somehow appear in almost every conflict this server's had since I died?" (since I saw people claiming this is manipulation already, just know that it isn't. He's just confused because, admittedly, Ranboo is a confusing guy and Wilbur doesn't really know him at all)
"Ranboo, why did you come to help me?" (...) "And then also I just think, you know... you can, you know- I think- I think you're an alright person, you know? So I wanna- I did kinda wanna get off on a better foot with you then what happened-" "Why?" "Just because I don't really like having the thought that people don't really like me" "Nonononono not the bit about the right foot, the 'why don't you think I'm a bad person'" "Well I mean, I think that you did bad things, but like, I think that you also went through things that made you that way and then I also think that you've changed now (...) but I think that now you've- apparently you've been away long enough that I think that if anyone goes away for that long eventually they'll have a thought about their morality and everything and maybe become a better person because of it"
I know this quote was absurdly long, but it is one of the most interesting conversations of the whole stream and it is really important and it tells us quite a bit as well. For one thing Wilbur was left quite emotional from someone simply admitting that he's an "alright person" and that they think he's capable of changing and this does bring him to open up to Ranboo right after. What Ranboo says to be exact is that anyone would have changed after going through what Wilbur went through and that change could be positive and while I completely disagree with it, it's clearly something that Wilbur needed to hear.
Now as to why I disagree with the notion that 13 years of semi-complete isolation could change anyone for the better should be rather obvious. But if it isn't, well, that's torture to put it simply. Psychological torture. Just like abuse it's one of those things that only cause trauma and a worsening mental health state and we see this with Wilbur because he didn't change, he only became more self-deprecating. Hurting someone doesn't make them become a better person all of a sudden, that's really not how it works. Hurting someone makes them become more traumatized.
"I think I scare people" ( as I said, immediately opening up about his insecurities)
"I think that a lot of people share your idea, but they share your idea in trying to- trying to keep me from hurting them" (for a bit here Wilbur talks about how he feels like everyone else is just waiting for him to step a foot out of line, which does really show that he's still interpreting all his interactions with people through the lens of his paranoia and self-deprecation, because no one is really interacting with him with that objective in mind)
"Dream's had his comeuppance and I've not" (this seems to be the crux of Wilbur's insecurity. This idea that he got off scot-free for his crimes, the idea that the only difference between him and Dream is the punishment that's been bestowed upon them which, of course, is wrong, but he doesn't know this, because he doesn't actually know why Dream's in prison)
"I've been investing into the wrong areas Ranboo, I've been investing into the wrong people" (This is either a reference to Tommy, to Phil, to Quackity, or to all of them)
"We're kindred man, we get each other" (the reason why he thinks that is because he seems to think that Ranboo has a similar type of paranoia to what Wilbur experience himself and he's not entirely wrong. Ranboo is deathly afraid of conflict and of being disliked so much so that he never stands up for anything in fear of angering others)
Little definition of "neuroticism" for you all since Wilbur kept mentioning it: neuroticism, one of the Big 5 personality traits, is typically defined as a tendency toward anxiety, depression, self-doubt, and other negative feelings.
I'd say it's quite fitting for both characters...
"I feel like life dealt us the same cards and the difference is that you built your trust by showing people your cards whilst I- I keep them close to my chest and I feel like that may be the big difference" (I felt like this was interesting. Especially knowing how much Ranboo actually doesn't share and how much he actually also keeps close to his chest)
They talk about tubbo in general for a bit and about what's been going on the server in general. Ranboo also that he's part of both Snowchester and the arctic commune (mostly the latter though).
"This has been chill, this has been good, I'm excited to show Tommy. What's your opinion on Tommy?" "Oh, he's- he's great. Tommy's awesome" "I agree I agree" "Definitely gone through a lot but I think that it's made him a good person" "Well you seem to think that everyone going through something at least gives them some merit you said" "I mean, yeah. I mean if- if no one- the only really bad people are the ones who are just evil because- just because and they don't have any reason why"
Included the whole thing here because if I stopped at Ranboo saying that Tommy going through trauma is what made him a good person it would have sounded really bad. As things are I think that that was just poor wording on his part and that this mostly goes back to the mentality he expressed before about how people sometimes do bad things because of the environment they're in pushing them and this idea he seems to have that actual hardships (like 13 years in Limbo or whatever he knows about what Tommy has been through) can encourage people to be better which is... sort of naive honestly. Again, trauma isn't a catalyst for the betterment of a person, and any improvement Tommy has made came from his self-reflection, not what he's been through.
After they're done with the van Wilbur brings Ranboo to their competing establishment and asks him to smash the windows, which Ranboo does with no hesitation whatsoever. After that Wilbur proceeds to place down one single block of TNT in a corner and Ranboo starts being a little more hesitant.
"You trust me right?" (I feel like that was a trick question considering how their common paranoia is the thing that Wilbur praised in Ranboo before)
Wilbur hands Ranboo the flint and steel to detonate the piece of TNT which Ranboo does, albeit with some hesitation.
"You passed the test, good job man, you go back to the van (...) Ranboo- Ranboo... I'm proud of you man. You've taken a side, you've proven that you can choose a side"
Quite a few people have already pointed out how similar this scene was to the time Wilbur tested Tommy in season 1 to decide if he was fit to be his right-hand man. In both situations, Wilbur gave someone a chance to cause some destruction against someone on the opposite side. Tommy passed the test by refusing to do so and showing that he was willing to uphold his morals and what he believed in. Ranboo passed the test by doing the exact opposite, by showing that, as much as he talks about how he chooses people and not sides, he's not willing to prove that even when all he would need to do to do so is doing nothing.
And it's an interesting scene to analyze as a parallel to that, but it's also interesting to note that Wilbur knows about Ranboo and Tommy griefing George together. He knows that Tommy was the only one to face any consequences for it (not that exile was actually the consequence for the griefing, but this is from Wilbur's point of view). Now putting this in the context of Wilbur seeing himself in Ranboo and thinking that he himself got off scot-free explains this next part perfectly in my opinion.
It explains why he made sure to leave this sign:
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To me at least. This is only a theory honestly, we don't have an actual full explanation. But I do think that Wilbur may feel like the both of them never got the comeuppance they deserved, which is why he did something that's sure to get a reaction from one of the most powerful people on the server. Though considering that he also left 2 diamonds as retribution + a chest with all the materials he picked up it could have also been Wilbur's idea of a bonding moment and he could actually really be proud of Ranboo.
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morgana-ren · 3 years
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SUBMISSION: How about a nasty sweaty incel shiggy waiting everyday for his dad to go to work so that he could have his relief with stepmom? 
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Excellent submission! Love that. Love that a lot! I find it only fair to warn you, however, that I won’t be doing mommy kink for it. Mommy kink is one of my squicks, and one of the very, very few I have. I’ll do the closest thing to it though: Daddy kink. Also I find the irony of him making his little stepmom call him daddy to be absolutely hilarious.
Also this one is a great concept and I love it but it’s going to have to be a multi-parter cause it got a little bit long. Lemme know if you like the concept and I’ll continue it. Also this posted under anonymous for some reason so cheers to tumblr and its endless fucking glitches that it never fixes or seems to make any better.
Warnings: Noncon, dubcon, sexism, really gross incel behavior, nsfl things, masturbation, violent sexual fantasies, nefarious planning, horrible suggestions from even more horrible friends, absolute LOATHING of family, and entitled bastard.
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There is only one thing on this planet that Tomura hates more than his father.
Only one thing can even compare to the level of abject disgust he has for his dad. Everything about the man is abhorrent and degenerate, only tolerated because Tomura is, admittedly, a NEET, and had no where else to go after graduation. But if anything- anything- could hold a candle, it would be his taste in women.
All women are trashy on some level, but his dad really manages to find ones that pretend so hard that they aren’t. Vipers behind the veneer of smiling faces clad in red lipstick and smart skirts. Always “kind”, always “thoughtful”, and always fleeting. Fickle, stupid bimbos charmed by his dads surface level charisma to quickly realize just how shallow the pool became.
Even his own mom was like that: She fucked off once she realized staying with him meant staying with his dad, and that was a sacrifice she wasn’t willing to make. So she left him to rot in this cesspit with his worthless father and no other way out.
He figures he can’t hold it against her, not as much as he’d like. A few weeks with his shriveled up paternal figure and most women quickly figure out they can do so much better. It’s in their nature to seek out the best, and that certainly isn’t Kotaro; A bumbling idiot with nothing to offer on the best of days. They don’t know any better, so they never last long after being brought home to meet his son, and those are the ones that even make it that far.
So when he starts yammering on about meeting yet another skank and how ‘in love’ he already is, Tomura’s eyes roll so far back in his head that he swears his retinas will detach. He makes a point to be around as little as possible, but somehow still manages to catch an earful about his latest fling and how excited he is for Tomura to meet her.
Great.
True to his word, Kotaro brings you home one evening, eager to impress his son with his latest catch.
His father had a lot of nerve dragging him from his room to meet you- his latest glorified slut. Adding insult to injury, you had the unmitigated gall to talk down to him like you were an adult and he wasn’t. Even though you had to crane your neck to look up and greet him, you still talked at him like he was some child. So different from you even though you were so much smaller than he was- barely even a few years older than he is, if even that. 
So polite, introducing yourself and gently shaking his reluctant hand, making a point to smile at him and telling him how happy were to finally meet him and that you’d heard so much about him. Your hands were so soft, so little in comparison to his own. He dwarfs his pathetic father, practically towers over you, yet you still talk to him like you’re the adult in the equation.
So young, so pretty, though. Far better than anything his father had a right to pull. They weren’t exactly swimming in cash, the house was nothing in particular to gloat about, and he’d done enough eavesdropping around late at night to know his father suffered a particular… ailment, so it certainly wasn’t sexual satisfaction keeping you around. What was it then? 
Probably nothing. You’d probably run off in a few weeks like they all do.
Kotaro is a worthless sack of drooping skin and aging bones; A ghost of a man not worthy of the phantoms he’s seen pass in his years. No longer the dominant male even in his own home: not with a stronger, more virile son coming into his prime under the roof as well. A beta male at best, withering away while his own son eclipses him in strength and intellect and physique. Tomura is in his mid twenties and blooming- His father… who even knows. He doesn’t care- he doesn’t bother to keep track. 
So, maybe you really are just a dumb little whore. It would make sense. Father dearest always had been a dirty old man; A raging pervert with wandering hands and lingering eyes. Always sets his predatory sights on some cute thing too good for him. 
Then again, the poisoned apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, now does it?
You’re cute enough you could have gotten some alpha at your beck and call, yet you’ve attached yourself to his worthless father who, in turn, parades you around like his most beloved trophy. Taking you to dinners he can’t afford despite your ‘insistence’ that you be allowed to pay, buying you things you claim you don’t need. Oh, how the moron dotes on his whores as if it’s enough to keep them anchored to him.
Strangely though, you don’t run off.
If anything, you sink your claws in even further, getting more and more comfortable and showing up more and more. Every time Tomura leaves his fucking room- which isn’t often- you’re there around the corner, smiling dumb and pretty and greeting him politely.
Fuck, he hates you. Hates your stupid voice, your shitty dresses, hates hearing his father happy for once.
It’s no surprise- but unwelcome no less- that he’d move you in sooner rather than later. Terrified to let you out of his sight for even a second lest you come to what little senses you have in your tiny brain and dump him. Of course, he’s quick to take on all of your burdens as his own, even if it means working overtime to support you. He’s always wanted another little housewife, and now he’s so close.
Tomura listens in on the whole conversation feeling sick to his gut.
You beg him not to- offering to pay your own way just like a good girl, but of course his dumbass dad will hear none of it. He’s more than happy to spend a couple of extra hours at work. His dad is so idiotic, so fucking blind. He’s playing right into it. He’s willing to be your workhorse if it means keeping you all to himself.
He’ll hear none of it. None of the fussing or the questions. You’re welcome in his home, he wants you there. It’s no imposition at all, he knows the house will be better with you around.
Except he forgets one crucial detail-
The son he leaves home alone with you every single day when he leaves. 
You’re nothing but a nuisance, something infringing on his private space. The time he used to get home alone to spend to his own devices is now split with you flittering around the house doing whatever it is bimbos like you do. Cleaning, cooking, pretending to read, whatever. He doesn’t have to see you if he doesn’t want, sure, but he still knows you’re there and that’s more than enough to annoy him.
It’s almost like you catch on to his animosity after a while. The way he won’t greet you back, the way he utterly ignores your existence. It bugs you, and as far as he’s concerned, good.
You try to slip him up, try to get close to him and make him like you. You always set a place for him at the table even after Kotaro repeatedly insists- truthfully- that he’ll never join for dinner. Even then, you always bring the plate to his door. He never bothers to answer- not after the first few times when he only opened it a sliver to see your stupid smiling face. After that, he didn’t bother answering. He’ll eat it of course- won’t pass up free food he doesn’t have to leave his room for- and then leave the dirty dish back outside where you left it. You brought it, after all. You can clean it up. 
All your efforts only get you mocked, and boy do you try so hard to get his affection. He even overhears you whining to his dad once or twice, not understanding why he doesn’t like you.
It makes him smile.
His friends- online of course, but still friends or comrades or kindred spirits or whatever- have more opportunistic ideas about it. His first post to the forum complaining about the new living situation was met with envy and awe- not necessarily the response he was expecting, though looking back on it, he supposes they were right. 
lmpwrst: Why u bitchin’? Ur living with a girl ur not related to and that’s closer than any of us have gotten u ungrateful ass
KingKockRool: Go jerk off on her pillow.
Stacystabber91: take a video hold her down and fuck her then idiot
KingKockRool: No wait till she’s sleeping and jerk it on her face
st8lker: Bet she’s ugly tho if she’s dating your dad lol
Oddly enough, he doesn’t agree. That’s one thing he understands about you, loathe as he is to admit it. His new ‘stepmom’, for all her annoyances, is pretty easy on the eyes. The kinda girl that would have caught his eye in an unrelated situation and earned a permanent spot in his spank bank. Thinking about it, the whole ‘dating his dad’ situation maybe threw off his judgement more than he realized.
He’ll let the jury decide: He finds a photo on your social media, crops everyone else out of it, and hits enter. Easy peasy. He saves it to his hard drive for later too. Might as well.
‘Here, you decide then.’
Thus the shitstorm begins. 
st8lker: Oh fuckkk fuck me mommy lmao
lmpwrst: Opportunity is wasted on u
Stacystabber91: you pussy punk bitch, i stand by what I said earlier. dont be a bitch and fuck the little cunt already
VolceliSwear: Whos the bitch
lmpwrst: Scratchy’s new stepmommy lol 
VolceliSwear: Nice. Hit it yet?
Stacystabber91: he hasn’t cause he’s a gigantic fuckin pussy like i told you all
VolceliSwear: Come on dude you actually have that gash sleeping in your house and you haven’t made a move? 
Stacystabber91: it’s not like she could say no cause you’re a big lanky bastard aren’t you? that’s one thing we got over the shortcels and you’re bigger and stronger than her so take what’s yours idiot or I will 
lmpwrst: I agree with SS lol U complain all the time about not having a hole to fuck and now u do
VolceliSwear: ^^ Isn’t your dad a limp-dicked prick who can’t get it up? Someone’s gotta do it so it might as well be you. Hit the bitch so hard and fast she doesn’t know what way is up
Stacystabber91: and send pics moron I want to see tits or I’m coming over there to do it myself
It’s an… intriguing thought. To be honest, he’s never actually considered fucking you before. Had the passive thought like he does with most girls he sees, but never stopped to think on actually doing it. For some reason, there was a mental wall between him and his father’s girlfriends. But why should there be?
Depraved little bastard that he is, he’s not above cornering a girl and forcing himself on her but he’s not keen on going to jail, so he’s never escalated past creepy photos and following the occasional broad a little too closely. Maybe a couple gropes in passing… okay, maybe a lot. But he’s never gotten caught- maybe the girls don’t report it or just couldn’t find him afterward. Either way, it’s all worked out so far because he doesn’t cross certain boundaries.
Most girls are repulsed by him and his repugnant behavior, so they stay far, far away. It’s like he’s a giant blaring warning sign that they tend to heed instinctively.
But you don’t. 
This is different. You live here, so close to him, so within reach. Just how close you are. How easy it would be for him to force you down and make you take it. Just how much time alone he really has with you since his father leaves and returns like clockwork. He’s got the entire day once his father leaves for work. And all night once he takes his sleeping medication. An easy, pretty little catch already wiggling in his web.
 ‘Maybe I will.’ 
That’s how it starts. 
Snowball into snowstorm.
With an idea and a lot of goading from his online buddies, a monster is born and weaned on his own depravity and escalates into something very real, and very dangerous.
Tomura is achingly familiar with the scene- he’s seen enough porn to give him ample ideas. But he’s got all the time in the world. It’s hard not to rush things considering how eager he is, but it’s safer to test the waters first. Get you nice and scared so you’ll keep your pretty mouth shut unless he tells you to open it for him. See how far he can get, how much he can toy with you before you finally catch on.
Who knows? Maybe you’ll fuck him willingly. You are a stupid little slut, after all. Most of you females are deep down beneath that holier-than-thou, stuck up bitchiness you hide behind.
So he starts with a time honored tradition. He steals your panties. 
The bathroom is cluttered with your shit. Your fruity shampoos and conditioners, your makeup, your perfumes. Tomura has a toothbrush and a comb he doesn’t use, a bottle of 3-1 for when he forces himself into a shower, and a singular gray towel, but the rest is between you and his father. Your body washes, your scrubs, your clothes in the hamper. 
It’s easy enough to fish out a fresh pair- only a couple of hours old. Some lacy contraption you must’ve been wearing beneath your clothes and carelessly left in the bin when you showered. It’s easy to pocket them before you hear him rummaging around, and maybe you’ll miss them, but that’s not his problem. Washer eats things all the time, doesn’t it?
He’s hidden back in his room, safely dodging you before he allows himself to indulge- Bringing them to his nose and inhaling the doubled fabric of the crotch so hard that it catches on the edge of his nostrils. 
Fuck, your cunt smell good- tangy and sweet but the tiniest hint of bitter. A couple of whiffs is enough to get his cock twitching, inflating into a painful hardness as he hears you walking around outside in the hallway. Shit, you’re so fuckin’ airheaded, walking around so oblivious as he tongues at the cloth that was nestled right up against your pussy until a few hours ago. He can taste you, sucking your left over essence through his teeth and he swears he’s going to cream all over the inside of his jeans if he doesn’t jerk off right now. 
He’s quick to drop his sweats and sprawl on his bed, thumbing the tip of his prick and licking gratuitous stripes up the slim of your discarded panties with his tongue. You’d look so good sucking his cock; On your bruised knees, face a slathered mess of cum and saliva and running makeup. Bulge in your throat from taking him so deep and trying so hard to please him like you always do- or maybe avoid a painful punishment because he isn’t above using his hands on you and you learned that the hard way.
The thought of your ruddy, soppy face makes him throb- fucking your wet little throat until you’re suffocating, pulling out to let you breathe only to cum on your face. Yanking you up to bend you over the stove and force you to make his worthless father’s dinner with his spend tacking across your face and his cock lodged deep in your cunt. Worthless fucking sack of shit that his father is, he’d spit in it too and make you serve it to him with a smile while your actual daddy watches you do it and rewards you later with his dick fucking you between your tits.
Fuck yes, that’s what he’ll make you do. He’ll make you call him daddy when he creampies you- the opportunity is too perfect to pass. He’ll fuck his father’s pretty whore as she screams and moans for daddy’s cock while his father is away at work to pay all her frivolous bills like the beta-cuck he is. None of the work and all of the reward- as it should be.
It’s not like Kotaro can fuck you, and his friends are right. Someone should. So why not him? Why not spread your legs for your boyfriend’s younger, more powerful son? Oh, sorry, did he give you the illusion that you had a choice? He’ll take what is rightfully his and there’s not a fucking thing you or his pathetic fucking father can ever do about it.
He plucks your panties from his face, moving them instead to work over his cock. It would feel so much better if you were wearing them- grinding your sweet little cunt against his dick, begging him not to fuck you but getting so wet all the same. The silky fabric feels so good against his hypersensitive skin, coupled with the clenched pumping of his fist as he daydreams about railing you into his filthy mattress until you’re too weak to even move on your own, his cum dripping from every one of your used holes. Limp, useless little whore too fucked out to even fight him as he fucks her in the ass again-
Fantasies swirl in his head, flashes of scenarios that tease him and work him into a frenzy. He’s going to cum hard to the thought filling you, your agonized face as the tip of him knocks against the opening of your womb, buried so deep in your cute pussy that he can feel the wall that keeps him firmly locked out of your guts. So close, so tight, so warm. He’s going to pump you full to the brim like the skank you are, fill you nice and thick full of his seed and then use you again and again and again-
He feels it in his spine, waves of pleasure furling at the base and congealing together impossibly tight, so ready to burst. His thighs flex, muscles in his stomach tightening and breath staggering. Searing white behind dry, clenched eyes and his cock twitches in his palm, knot bursting deep between his legs as his hand stills momentarily. His hands twitch, cock throbbing as thick ropes of cum spill over the slats of his fingers, splattering his stomach and the waist of his sweatpants and all over your adorable little panties. 
“Shit-” 
Shallow, shaky breaths, still seeing stars popping behind his eyelids. Fuck, he hasn’t cum that hard in- well, a very long time. Is it the thought of having something tangible soon? His very own cunt to abuse? Grinning, he looks down at the absolutely drenched pair in his hand, sticky with fresh seed.
He thinks so.
Instinctively, he wipes the excess off his fingers and onto his dirty, rumpled black sheets, swiping across his shirt and his skin. Just another ‘mystery spot’ among the rest, soon to become a crusty, flaked white stain on the fabric among all the preexisting ones.
With some effort on his part, he sits up, still trying to catch his breath. He thought post orgasm clarity might deter him from this path, but if anything, he’s even more determined now. Why should he sit and touch himself in a dark room when there’s a perfectly good set of holes to fuck wandering around freely outside?
Oh yeah, this should work out just fine.
There’s a knock on the door while he’s still wading through his gross thoughts, softly at first but then slightly more insistent. It jolts him alert, irritating him that he’s being bothered when he’s scheming. He’s already finished the dirty dead, all ready to put himself away for now but it’s still jarring none the less when someone comes around so closely to him wanking. A quick dash at the clock tells him it’s not dinner time yet, so what gives? Why are you bothering him now? Nothing is ready yet.
He tucks himself away and quickly buries your soiled underwear in the pocket of his sweats. Quickly wiping any remnants on the knees of his pants before swinging his door open, agitation palpable as he greets your stupid, sunny face.
Speak of the she-devil.
“Hi, Tomura! Just wondering if you have any laundry or anything you want me to take!” “N-”  He’s about to slam the door. About to. But you know what? You want his laundry? Sure. He’s got some for you.  “Yeah- yeah, sure.” 
He steps back from behind the door, letting it creak open a little as he rips off his freshly re-soiled sheets.
“Oh, good! Yeah, I’m throwing in my own so I’ll take your load too-“
Yeah you will.
Balling it up, he chucks it at you as you curiously peek your head in. You’ve never seen the inside of his room, but soon you’ll see plenty. He doesn’t know if you can feel the fresh cum on the sheets, but he’s willing to bet you can probably smell it. To your credit, you barely falter, even with the sheet cradled in your bare arms.
You’re probably having a moment of “understanding.” ‘He’s a young man with no girlfriend and no other outlet. Of course he’s going to wack off’ and all that. It’s cute, the way you pretend not to notice. That’s okay, he’ll give you something you can’t ignore.
He steps up to the door again, yanking his black shirt over his head and dropping it in your arms with a shit eating grin.
“Oh- okay, yeah-“
Your sentence halts completely as he starts to strip off his pants and you’re left staring in slight horror as your stepson strips down to his boxers in front of you before placing his sweats on the top of the pile you’re carrying- right by your face.
“I’ve got some more dirty boxers if you think you can handle anymore.” He’s grinning like a fiend, reveling in your poorly concealed discomfort as he leans against the doorframe, swinging out towards you. You’re backing away from him, desperately trying to keep your eyes up and away from his very exposed body, and especially the half hard cock tenting the front of his boxers. Your face is turning a viciously dark shade, stifling your breathing because he just knows what you’re refusing to see, you can almost certainly smell.
“Um- nope! This should be a full one! I’ll get them back to you soon!”
“Oh, take your time. No rush.” 
You scurry off down the hall much quicker than your usual casual walk, probably to scrub your arms clean with iron wool. Poor little thing, just trying to be nice and this is what it gets you.
He cackles something fierce as he shuts his door again, going to look for your ruined panties to post a pic but remembering they’re still in the pocket of his sweatpants, covered in his cum and saliva. A fun little surprise for you to find when you go through pockets to ensure nothing gets stuck in the washer.
And he notices, in the coming days, you stop leaving your clothes in the hamper- or even being able to meet his eyes.
Oh, this should be fun.
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Halloween Oreos (Michael Myers x Reader)
Original Ask: How about some snack time with Micheal uwu sharing Halloween oreos with his s/o or someone me whose getting close to him. Perhaps they buy him some huehue
_____________
Haddonfield had become a rather quiet place following the Halloween murders, the following years becoming somewhat grim.
Halloween was no longer the same, or at least it was something that made the residents of Haddonfield tense up. Even after thirteen years, people were sometimes too afraid to speak the Boogeyman’s name. At least, people finally came out of their homes, as if the plague was already over with. After thirteen years, one could have said that the Boogeyman was no more.
October had finally come around, and this year Haddonfield was gifted with a veil of fresh white snow on just the third day of the month.
You grunted as you fixed the plastic bags in your hands, the mittens you wore making it somewhat difficult to properly hold them.Today was the day to go out for groceries, a task you only did every now and then due to your current living condition.
“Need help there?” you heard a voice behind you, prompting you to turn and see the cashier that had rung you up in the grocery store.
“Oh! Ah,” you gave a nervous chuckle as you once again fixed the plastic bags. “I-I can bear, thank you though.”
“I really don’t mind lending a hand, especially in this weather.”
“It’s alright.” you insisted, especially after a chill ran down your back, your eyes glancing around as an uneasy feeling came over you. “Thank you, I really appreciate it. I just need to get going right now. Somebody’s waiting for me.”
“Ah, I see.” he nodded, taking a step back as you sighed in relief. “I’ll leave you to it then.”
“Thank you, have a nice day.” you nodded as well, not bothering to watch him leave as you knew the consequences of such things.
As you headed to your car, you took notice of a news crew that had stationed itself across the road, right at a sidewalk that led to another array of stores. The crew was specifically focused on a hardware store that had its glass windows broken, even the farthest eye could see the bloody handprints that were splattered on the walls inside as well as other blood prints.
You shivered at the thought of what had gone down inside, instead focusing on the trunk of your car before loading everything inside. Not paying much attention to the camera crew, or at least not wanting to do so, you hopped into your car to drive out of town. But not before taking a good look at your surroundings, on edge about the eyes that were possibly watching your every move.
_____________
Home was a rather lengthy ride, no more than an hour’s time thankfully, but the searching for it was what made up for that isolation you required. Considering the situation you lived in, your partially preferred living arrangements lie in the woods outside of town, where things were calm and quiet.
Hopping out of your car, you felt as the snow began to fall once again. This meant that in the morning, the veil would be much thicker and there was no going out, especially as your small home was situated in a deep part of the woods.
Hearing your boots with every step, you unloaded the groceries which would definitely be taking more than one go. You made your way towards the cabin in front of you, coming to stop after walking onto the porch as your eyes caught crimson.
Right on the wood were boot prints, every single one as red as the blood from the hardware store.
Your eyes followed the trail that led to the door itself, and you took notice of it being ajar.
Dropping the bags onto the porch, you placed a hand on the door to cautiously take a step inside. The creak of the door was enough to have you jump back the slightest bit, especially as your eyes continued to examine the trail of blood that led into the kitchen.
Now, you knew not to act like a girl in a horror movie but…
“Hello?” you called out into the emptiness of your home, holding your keys close to either fight with them or immediately flee to the car. “Is that you-”
Soon enough your scream pierced the air as you jumped off the ground, this due to feeling a rough hand clasp onto your shoulder from behind.
Once you had turned around, you groaned at the sight of an older man that stared down at you with dead eyes.
“Michael!” you yelled at him, then fixing your jacket which had slightly crumpled up at the shoulder where you had been grabbed. “I thought you were someone else.”
The man before you in no way flinched, not even bothering to blink as he continued to watch your every move.
“You leave in the middle of the night without a word and leave me alone all day.” you mentioned before passing by him, knowing that he turned his entire body to always be facing you. “Well now that you’re done with scaring the hell out of me, I’m done with the groceries. Won’t need to go out until January I think. I hope so, since it’s starting to get pretty cold out.”
Michael Myers, the Shape or Boogeyman of Haddonfield, stood right at your door with not a care in the world. If anything, your door to your house, was his door to his house. It had been this way for quite awhile now.
A few years actually.
It was surprising that he was not wearing his mask, his blue and clouded eye completely fixated on your figure as you grabbed the bags right at the entrance.
Once you had grabbed the bags at the door and then the remaining ones in the car, you shut and locked the door before being followed by Michael into the kitchen.
After he had spared you years back, Michael had come to act like a cat. Always with his nose on the lookout for what it is you would be feeding him. Hilariously, that was just how Michael reluctantly came into your life.
“I haven’t prepared anything since I’ve been out most of the day.” you admitted, ever so quietly laughing at the soft groan that rumble in Michael’s throat. “I did find some sweet goodies at the market though. Especially at WalMart.”
Michael didn’t always understand the things you talked about, but he was always listening. Always watching. Learning.
“They have these new cookies for the season. The orange looks kind of funny, but I’m pretty sure they taste the same as the originals.” you mentioned as you set the groceries on the counter, looking through the bags as you began to put everything in its place. “I also got you some stuff to shave off that scruff.”
Michael’s eyes darted down in an attempt to look at his chin, instead seeing you hand placed under it as you softly rubbed your thumb on it.
“Though I have to admit that it’s starting to grow on me.” you smiled before making your way back to the groceries. “Just like the greys in your hair.”
It really had been a few years since you had met Michael, a relationship forming after a pretty good while. He was in his mid-twenties, practically a middle-aged man now who hadn’t been found by the authorities this entire time thanks to you.
As you began to prepare a hot beverage for yourself, and Michael who you knew would ignore it but drink it behind your back, you knew that Michael was watching you intently. His eyes were glued on your hands that grabbed a pumpkin you had purchased. Somehow, he had not even realized the large vegetable as you brought it in.
“Found a recipe you might like, especially for the cold.” you spoke before grabbing a kitchen knife, one that piqued Michale’s interest but was not enough to have him snatching it away due to its size. “Especially with all the pumpkins that are out now.”
To his dissatisfaction, you set the knife down besides the pumpkin on the counter before facing him.
“But before I make that, I’m gonna go change. These clothes are starting to make me feel stuffy.” you removed your jacket as you walked around the counter and out the kitchen, for once not being followed by Michael who was now focused on the knife you had left behind.
Knowing that you would be too focused on finding one of his shirts to wear, he approached the counter to take hold of the knife, bringing it to his face to admire how it shone under the kitchen light. He first held it pointing upwards, but changed it so that he was instead gripping it with the blade pointing down. His head craned to the vegetable beside him, and instinct got the best of him.
“I see you got started with the pumpkin.” he heard your voice, turning around after having jabbed the knife down into the pumpkin which had more than a simple wound.
Michael grabbed the knife once again to pull it out, his entire body facing you once again as he tilted his head at your figure.
Your eyes fell to the knife that contained a bit of pumpkin residue, even a seed or two managed to slip out due to Michael’s brute strength. Now your eyes were on his blank features, and you couldn’t help but give him a smirk.
_____________
It wasn’t often that you lit the fireplace as to avoid any attention from outsiders, especially authorities who had honestly given up on the search for Michael despite his former psychiatrist’s demands, but you believed that tonight was just the night for a warm fire.
Despite the cold weather, you only wore one of Michael’s shirts with socks, perhaps a little something on your bottom. You figured that there wasn’t an entire need for covering yourself when Michael was your human blanket, and one that refused to come off you.
With all of the day’s work done, you sat on the couch, or more like Michael’s lap as he sat on the couch. Your legs were crossed as your torso was constricted by Michael’s strong arms, his chin casually laying on top of your head as you ate the last of your pumpkin soup.
Both pairs of eyes stared up ahead, almost next to the fireplace where your TV screen was placed. You were both watching the moving pictures, or at least Michael resumed that when you made comments about the movie.
“That’s so cheesy, no girl would scream and faint on the spot if she saw a monster.” you ever so slightly shook your head, Michael’s chin too heavy to actually complete the motion. “At least, nowadays. However, that looked like that one scene from the latest Child’s Play movie where the guy has a heart attack.”
It was an old monster movie kind of night, your mood demanding it and Michael no doubt being curious. Frankenstein actually seemed to catch his attention.
The man’s eyes glanced down at you as he saw your arms stretch out with your empty bowl, attempting to put it on the coffee table in front of the couch. This of course was quite impossible with Michael holding you back, his grip on you only becoming tighter as you were managing to barely escape his grasp.
“Michael!” you groaned, pulling your head forwards until his arms made a ring around your hips after you were able to snake the top part of your body out.
As you reached out to set the bowl down, you felt Michael bury his face right into your back before rubbing himself all over and taking in your scent simultaneously.
“I just want to put the damn bowl down.” you wheezed, eventually releasing a sigh of relief when your glass bowl safely landed on the table. But it made you also pleased to have grabbed the plate you had prepared along with the bowls of soup, making sure it or its contents didn’t slip out of your hands as you adjusted your body to the former position.
Michael gave a grunt as he placed his chin on your head again, this time making sure that you had no way of escaping him.
“You wanna try one, Michael?” you lifted the plate just a bit, having Michael peer down at the plate that contained black little circles that smelled weirdly to him. “They’re the newest Oreos. The cookies I mentioned earlier.”
You placed the plate on your lap, wishing that that was enough to hold them up while you took one of the cookies and offered it up to Michael.
“I don’t have any milk right now because you’re not gonna let me get any, so take it like this.
Michael squinted at the cookie, the orange filling enough to have him blinking at least once. In this state of his, you were able to break free and spin your body in place so that your legs were no longer crossed but instead on either side of Michaels’ waist. The plate of cookies was safely put on the empty space of the couch so that nothing could fall.
Having a mind of their own, Michael’s hands wrapped themselves around you as he once again stared at the cookie.
“It’s just a cookie Michael.” you giggled, lowering it before taking a bite out of it yourself.
Michael’s eyes landed on your lips, watching the way they moved as you chewed the cookie piece. Tiny black crumbs adorned your lips, every now and then shifting the more you chewed.
You watched him as well, finding it how funny his curiosity was. So, you popped in the remainder of your cookie before eating it as well, now feeling one of Michael’s arms leave your waist.
Instead, his fingers brushed against the warmth of your skin as his nails carefully scraped your cheeks. The tips of his fingers now coming close to your lips, his index finger actually on your bottom lip before it pulled it down and open.
“Michael,” you breathed out, knowing that Michael was merely observing the crumbs left on your lips.
Blinking up at Michael, you saw as he brought his face down to yours. His lips now dangerously close to yours as he continued to play with your bottom lip, making your breath hitch as he neared more and more.
Soon enough you closed your eyes when Michael closed the gasp, but not with his lips but his tongue.
Your eyes shot open as you felt his tongue lick the corner of your lip, continuing onto your lips themselves. You placed your hands on his shoulders, gripping onto them as you felt his own twist around the shirt you wore.
Your lips had already been parted from the shock of Michael’s actions, that good enough for Michael to slip in his tongue to get a taste of your mouth.
He didn’t care about your nails digging into his shoulders but in fact enjoyed it, pressing your chest against his as his tongue continued to explore your cavern, tasting every bit he could. But before you could follow along with his treatment, Michael retreated himself and looked down at you with half-lidded eyes that matched yours. Well, his didn’t have as much emotion as yours for he was difficult to faze of course.
“Michael?” you sighed at him, thoughts clouded with what just happened. You were then snapped out of it when Michael let go of you with one hand, reaching to the side where the plate of cookies was.
He had grabbed another one, bringing up in between your faces and leaving it there for just a moment. Soon after, he brought it to your lips, scraping it against them before slowly slipping it in so that you could take a bite.
As you chewed the cookie, Michael took the other piece into his mouth, leaving the two of you with crumbs on each of your lips.
His tongue slid out once again, licking the crumbs off of his lips before you got the memo.
The flush on your cheeks was more than enough to warm you up on this chilly October night.
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klixxy · 3 years
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Genshin Fic Recs
so... i ventured into the vast world of Google looking for some good GI fic recs... only to find such a pitiful amount that i was promptly devastated. therefore, the solution is to make my own! :D
keep in mind most of these will be ChiLi or XingYun, and yes, i will try not to include smut unless it was one i really really liked. if anyone wants a separate list for just smut (though that will most likely be shorter) i can try to make one later.`
ft. my bookmark comments :)
CHILI
wrapped up in pure gold by beyondwinter
(chili; accidental marriage; chili/childe-centric; 22k words; ongoing)
"Do you understand its meaning, Childe?" He finally asks. There's a hard glint in his eyes, like he's trying to steel himself for his answer.
"Yeah." Loyalty and devotion, right? Between business partners? "I do. It's traditional, isn't it?"
Zhongli's eyes glow a warm amber in the near darkness, reflecting the soft shine of the lanterns. He studies his face with a strange intensity, as though Childe were a piece of high quality Nocticulous Jade being sold for suspiciously small sum and he's trying to find the blemishes that would explain the price. The weight of his gaze should be uncomfortable, boring into him like he can see into the very depths of his abyss-tainted soul, but Childe finds himself preening under the attention instead.
Childe accidentally proposes to Zhongli. Zhongli accepts.
The World is Water by Millereflets
(chili; smut; hurt/comfort; chili-centric; 7k words; oneshot)
Childe doesn't visit Zhongli until it's almost too late.
(my bookmarks: HOW DO YOU MAKE A SMUT SCENE SO POETIC HOLY SHITTTTT)
Set in Stone by seredemia
(chili; fake dating au; angst; some smut?; chili/chiilde-centric; 55k words; ongoing)
What do you do when you write about a certain six thousand year old consultant so much in your letters that it somehow convinces your entire family you're not only dating each other, but that you're also engaged?
In Childe's case, the answer is plain and simple: he goes along with it, of course. Absolutely nothing can go wrong if he makes a contract with the God of Contracts, vowing that the two of them will pretend to be lovers for the duration of his family's stay in Liyue. Afterwards, they'll return as normal and speak no more of this mess. No feelings or complications involved whatsoever.
Contract accepted. A fool-proof plan set in stone. Right?
Private Ledger of the Eleventh Harbinger by JuHuaTai
(chili; humor; getting together; chili/ekaterina-centric; 5k words; oneshot)
“So guess what I did next?”
Ekaterina contemplated not answering, but Harbinger Tartaglia was just… grinning and waiting. It’s honestly rather creepy the longer time passed.
In the end, she gave a long suffering sigh that seems lost on him, “You bought him the Erhu—“
“I bought him the antique, cor lapis based Erhu,”
-
When she first left her homeland for the unknown nation of Liyue, Ekaterina was ready to be many things: To be a soldier, to fell Tsaritsa’s enemies in her name, to bring glory to Snezhnaya and her leader.
Being a receptionist in a cozy bank wasn’t so bad in comparison, but she absolutely can do without the front row seat to Harbinger Tartaglia’s (expensive) love life.
i know i'm where i'm meant to go by paperclips (pastel_paperclips)
(chili; humor; fluff; chili-centric; 12k words; ongoing)
"Childe," Zhongli says suddenly. "I am enjoying myself greatly." Childe’s face breaks into a grin. "Then-" Zhongli gasps, grabbing his wrist and tugging him over to an unsuspecting peddler with a cart full of rocks. "Is that an intrusive igneous pegmatite formed in the Inazuma regions?" Childe’s grin smooths into a small, adoring smile. He has all the time in the world to figure the other man out.
OR: Finding the Geo Archon is on Childe's to-do list but hanging out with Zhongli is significantly more fun.
CHILIVEN
Crumbling Stone by avtorSola
(chiliven; ANGST; PAIN; mind control; zhongli-centric; 74k words; ongoing)
When Morax unleashes his plan to test the Liyue Qixing and his adepti, he does not take into account the stirring of the Abyss Order in the north and the corruption of Dvalin - for why would he fear an organization that works in such shadows? He is secure in his power, after all, unlike his flighty ex, the absentee archon of Mondstadt who rises only when his people are in danger.
But, somehow, the Abyss Order discovers his plan. Somehow, they capitalize on it. And he, the God of Stone who cannot sicken, is struck down - taken by an order bent on destroying all of humanity as Liyue crumbles around him. For even Archons aren't immune to Durin's blood, and Morax is no exception. But then the question becomes - if even Archons may fall to the agony of this corrupting burn - how is their traveling friend Aether immune?
The answer comes from beyond the stars - an ancient malice that knows no kindness or mercy. A malice whose legacy the Abyss Order now bears, seeking to topple all the Archons and their people into the void of utter destruction. And they have begun in Liyue.
Fortunately, it takes a long time to erode stone.
(my bookmarks: IM SCREAMING AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA)
PLATONIC ZHONGVEN
left-behind city by trixstar
(platonic zhongven; angst; ANGST; venti-centric; 1k words; oneshot)
"An associate of mine has just informed me that Rex Lapis, the Geo Archon has been assassinated."
Venti blinks.
Or: Venti and how he copes with finding out he is all that remains.
i circle ten thousand years long; and i still do not know if i am a falcon, a storm, or an unfinished song by birdsofpassage
(platonic zhongven; angst; hurt/comfort; zhongven-centric; 4k words; oneshot)
Venti and Zhongli, and the vignettes of a much-needed vacation around Mondstadt.
(my bookmarks: ; - ;      ;  -  ; )
oh ye with little faith by air_fried_air
(platonic zhongven; angst; hurt/comfort; zhongven-centric; 2k words; oneshot)
Two former archons do a little tour around Mondstadt.
(my bookmarks: why are all genshin angst fics so melancholy.... i feel so empty)
the wind through the mountain tops by glassdrachma
(platonic zhongven; humor; hurt/comfort; zhongven-centric; 21k words; finished)
Boredom brings Barbatos of Mondstadt to bother a certain ex-Archon of the Earth.
(my bookmarks: venti zhongli friendship venti zhongli friendship venti zhongli friendship venti zhongli friendship venti zhongli friendship venti zhongli friendship venti zhongli friendship venti zhongli friendship venti zhongli friendship venti zhongli friendship venti zhongli friendship venti zhongli friendship venti zhongli friendship venti zhongli friendship venti zhongli friendship venti zhongli friendship venti zhongli friendship-)
XINGYUN
the art of exorcism by Agried
(xingyun; ghost au; hurt/comfort; chongyun-centric; 9k words; oneshot)
On the road back from one of his jobs, Chongyun runs into Xingqiu, the wandering swordsman. And then they keep meeting, over and over again. or, alternately; how a ghost and an exorcist learn how to love, one step at a time.
Bane of All Evil by tzitzimeme
(xingyun; humor; romance; chongyun-centric; 24k words; hiatus)
When Chongyun unintentionally offends Liyue's second most powerful adepti, he vows to mend the thorny relationship between Adeptus Xiao and human exorcists-- even though no one has succeeded in currying Xiao's favor for over a thousand years.
His best friend Xingqiu offers to come alone, mainly because he's worried about what kind of trouble Chongyun will run into. Along the way, they receive help from others: Xiangling packs them meals for their journeys, while Zhongli gives them advice on what demons to track.
Childe is just there because he thinks the whole thing is hilarious.
[On indefinite hiatus due to burnout; sorry!]
kiss me slowly (so i don't forget) by xiwangmu
(xingyun; humor; romance; light angst; xingqiu-centric; 8k words; oneshot)
Wangshu Inn Bulletin Board
Guest Message: My best friend whom I harbor affections for kissed me last night, but due to his special condition he does not recall a single moment of it. I am quite conflicted about whether to disclose these events to him or not, because that would most certainly require me to confess my feelings as well. If anyone has experience in romancing boys with excessive positive energy, this one humbly asks you to share some advice.
Reply: Our greatest apologies—although we would like to offer some words in response, we simply cannot decipher your handwriting. Perhaps you may return with a neater message next time?
time trials by idlestars
(xingyun/many ships; humor; modern au; xingyun-centric; 2k words; oneshot)
A modern social media AU.
Xingqiu Teases Demons. Chongyun Almost Cries. [The clip shows Xingqiu, lit by the sickly green of night vision, as he stares bored into a dark room. He’s alone - Chongyun left to see if Xingqiu could lure out the ghosts. Xingqiu glances at the camera, smirks, and then opens his mouth.
“Hey demons, it’s me, yah boy.”]
OTHER/GEN
woe be the wallet of the god of wealth by glassdrachma
(gen; humor; identity reveal; keqing/zhongli-centric; 12k words; finished)
Or, the story of how the Yuheng of the Qixing came to idolize, befriend, and discover the identity of the God of Geo, in that order.
(personal comments: hilarious, made me burst out into laughter multiple times, and was just a masterful piece of writing)
to dream of dust by miao_x
(guili/gen; ANGST; hurt/no comfort; zhongli-centric; 5k words; oneshot)
Some nights, Zhongli dreams.
He dreams of soft light, golden song, and a gentle breeze whispering tales of millennia past. It is warm, familiar, and comforting.
It feels like home.
And then he opens his eyes, and awakes to reality.
(my bookmarks: oh zhongli... made me cry)
To drown in your own tears by C_rin_nyan
(guili/gen; ANGST; TEARS; PAIN; zhongli-centric; 2k words; oneshot)
As Rex Lapis, he had never shed a tear, even as he slaughtered hundreds, destruction following his every step. As Zhongli, he had shed much more than he would like to admit, however.
Or, “Zhongli’s soul gave its last scream long ago, yet even now, the echo of said sound was still strong enough to reach Rex Lapis.”
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animebw · 3 years
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Short Reflection: Gintama the Final
I’ve always been in love with stories.
As a kid, I devoured as many books as I could get my hands on. Harry Potter and Percy Jackson, yes, but also Neil Gaiman and Thomas Covenant and countless other authors and novels I’ve long since forgotten. Ditto movies, TV, and animation. I consume stories more ravenously than anyone else I know, perhaps moreso than most people on the face of the earth. The experience of losing myself in fiction, of seeing myself reflected in the struggles and triumphs of imaginary people, has meant more to me than I can ever properly put into words. Heck, the reason I started this blog in the first place is because of how desperate I was to communicate that feeling to others. Stories have helped me understand life, helped me better myself, helped me find friends and community I never would have otherwise. Stories matter to me. Stories will always matter to me.
And no story has mattered quite as much to me... as Gintama.
Gintama is, without question, the greatest work of fiction I’ve ever experienced. It’s the funniest comedy I’ve ever laughed at. It’s the most exhilarating action romp I’ve ever cheered at. It’s got the single greatest- and largest- cast of characters you’ll ever find, in anime or elsewhere. Its plot effortlessly sets up the longest narrative domino chain ever and brings it all masterfully crashing down. It weaves together countless threads, countless ideas, countless ways of telling a story, all somehow working in lockstep within the same universe. And just as the cherry on top, it’s also the greatest story about stories ever told. Through its jokes and its drama alike, Gintama is a rousing battle cry for the power of storytelling to change the world, a masterful guide to smashing tired tropes apart, a full-throated argument for the importance of letting old, harmful stories go and letting new, brighter tales take their place. It will make you believe in the power of storytelling- and the importance of doing it right- even if you’re the most jaded person on the face of the earth. And it accomplishes all that while still being, itself, the greatest, most entertaining, most moving, most overwhelming, most beautiful story anyone has ever written. Gintama is the standard against which I judge all other media, the impossible bar that can never be reached again but must always be strived for. Even three years after I finished its TV run, it remains the unmatched pinnacle of all the fiction I’ve seen.
And now, almost two decades after Hideaki Sorachi wrote that first chapter... it’s finally over.
Gintama: the Final is exactly what it says on the tin. It’s the final installment of Gintama’s story. It’s the conclusion to over 360 episodes of buildup and payoff. It’s the final battle for the fate of Edo, the final challenge for Gintoki, Shinpachi, Kagura, Katsura, Takasugi, Sakamoto, Otae, and everyone else in this rowdy, ridiculous city to overcome. Picking up right where the Semi-Final OVA left off, this movie wastes no time jumping straight into the action (well, almost no time; the hilarious recap segment that kicks the whole thing off is the perfect primer for the chaos to come). It’s a nearly movie-long climax, racing from start to finish on pure adrenaline as every single character faces down the remnants of Utsuro’s grand design. Now that the show’s done all the hard legwork of actually setting up the characters and stakes and emotional investment, the movie finale can jump straight into the fire and low the audience away with one staggering action setpiece after another, all building on each other to incomprehensible heights of awe until it finally slows down for a twenty-five minute epilogue at the very end. I’d almost compare it to End of Evangelion on that front; two legendary shows with endings compromised by production issues, finally getting to end things on their own terms with the cinematic scope such grand finales deserve.
Yes, I’m comparing this adaptation of a crass, poop-filled Shonen Jump manga to the series that literally defined the face of modern anime. Deal with it.
Because Jesus fucking criminy hopscotching Christ on a bagel, this movie is amazing. It’s nothing but gobsmacking moment after gobsmacking moment, one jaw-dropping action beat immediately being topped by the next one, a never-ending cascade of sword strikes and punches and explosions and energy blasts all cracking off with the brazen confidence of a series standing at the top of the world, putting on one last spectacular fireworks shower before packing it in for good. To call it epic would be an insult; to call it legendary would be the understatement of the century. And thanks to that big shiny movie budget, it’s all rendered in some of the most stunning animation I’ve seen all year. Every frame is gorgeous, every blow is beautiful, every moment is brought to life not just with polish, but with genuine grace. From the chaos of battle to the moments of love and connection- and yes, even to the batshit absurd comedy- this movie is a visual marvel. Gintoki and Utsuro’s final showdown, in particular, climaxes in a sequence of wordless visual storytelling edited so perfectly, bringing so many of the shows’ most powerful themes and arcs to a close just through the flow of one shot to the next, I almost couldn’t believe it was real. There’s no way human hands could have put something so beautiful together. It just isn’t possible.
But that’s always been the beauty of Gintama, isn’t it? Every time you think it’s finally peaked, it somehow keeps rising higher. This show is defined by doing the impossible over and over again, never resting on its laurels, always striving to be that much better, than much bolder, that much more satisfying to watch unfold. So really, it’s only fitting that The Final manages to blow my expectations out of the water once again for the road. This may not be the most complex or challenging arc Gintama’s ever done, but in terms of sheer impact, this may well be the highest peak it’s ever reached. So many characters, big and small, bringing their story to a close. So many thematic ideas all woven into a grand tapestry, finally complete after fifteen years on air. This show started with such humble beginnings, with roughshod animation and a story that was only barely showing signs of the monster it would grow into. And now, it’s reached its end with an veritable atom bomb of a climax, a sprawling epic reaching its end with unparalleled fireworks and a production lavish enough for the gods themselves. If there’s a bigger glow-up in anime history, name is, because I don’t think it exists.
And I’ve seen that change in real time. I’ve seen this show grow from its humble beginnings, getting better and better by the episode, until it stood head and shoulders above all its contemporaries. I’ve laughed louder, I’ve cried harder, I’ve fallen deeper and deeper in love with every last character living their ridiculous lives in this ridiculous city. Where so many stories falter as they go, Gintama’s footsteps only grew surer. Where so many stories peak well before they end and gradually lose when made them special in the first place, Gintama never stopped setting new gold standards of quality. And where so many anime’s ending fizzle out in disappointment, Gintama sent us home with one of the greatest finales to any piece of media I’ve ever seen. This scrappy underdog has accomplished something that so few of its shonen contemporaries even come close to: it lasted for hundreds of episodes and never stopped improving for a second, finally ending its run as the best possible version of itself. I thought I couldn’t love Gintama any more than I did at the end of its TV run; I’m happy to say this show proved me wrong one last time. I love Gintama more now than I ever did before. I love every step of the journey it’s taken me on. I. Love. Gintama.
But now, it really is over. No more false starts or fake-out endings or unexpected delays for the anime staff to use the characters as mouthpieces to complain about. Gintama is really, truly over. This incredible story I’ve spent god knows how many words gushing over has come to an end at last.
And you know what? I couldn’t be happier.
That may honestly be the most surprising thing about Gintama: the Final. Going into it, I was so certain that when it was over, I’d feel empty. I’d feel sad knowing that this was all the Gintama I was ever going to get. Now that it is over, though? All I feel is joy. Joy that it ended as perfectly as I could possibly ask for. Joy for all the good times its given me over the years. Joy that I was given something so unspeakably beautiful to carry with me for the rest of my life. Will I miss it? Fucking absolutely. But as this show itself is well aware of, all things in life must come to an end. We can’t hold back the future forever; times change whether we want them to or not. All we can do is move forward, taking with us the things that truly matter and letting them enrich the paths we have yet to walk. Gintama may be over, but it will always be a part of my life. The feelings it brought out of me, the thoughts it inspired in me... my life will forever be touched by the Odd Jobs crew and all the dumbasses they befriended over the years. I couldn���t be more grateful for the journey it’s taken me on.
And I couldn’t be more grateful for being able to share that journey with all of you.
Gintama: the Final is a masterpiece. But really, did you need me to tell you that? The final chapter of a story that’s only ever gotten better, a story that’s already re-written the rules of what’s possible in storytelling too many times to count, a story that’s blasted so high into the atmosphere it might as well be in orbit at this point... what else could it be, but a masterpiece? It’s joy and wonder, shock and awe, beauty and bravery in equal measure. It’s the perfect ending to a perfect show, the pinnacle of a tale with far too many pinnacles to count, one last hurrah to celebrate everything it’s been able to accomplish. It’s astonishing. It’s unbelievable. It’s an achievement that shouldn’t be possible. It’s one of the most satisfying endings to any piece of fiction ever. It’s a goodbye fifteen years in the making that somehow leaves you wanting for nothing. It’s the last, greatest achievement of the greatest story ever told.
It also features a scene where a tear-jearking reunion is interrupted by Gintoki’s legs detaching from him and becoming sentient old men after being pooped out of Sadaharu’s ass.
It is, in other words, nothing more or less than Gintama.
And there will never be any higher praise than that.
Thank you, Gintoki. Thank you, Shinpachi, Thank you, Kagura. Thank you, Katsura, Takasugi, Sakamoto. Thank you, Otae, Kyubei, Tsukuyo, Sacchan. Thank you, Hijikata, Kondo, Okita. Thank you, Shoyo. Thank you, all the characters whose names it would take far too long to list. Thank you, Sunrise. Thank you, Bandai Namco. Thank you, Hideaki Sorachi.
Thank you, Gintama.
And thank you, everyone reading this now.
We will always be... forever Odd Jobs.
10/10
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citowon · 3 years
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spring troupe and gender neutral s/o watch horror movies
about time i finally write for this blog... i was hit with the image of masumi watching a horror movie with his s/o, thought how lovely it would be if there was content of that, then realized i have that power now
word count: 1,935
tags: established relationship, non-detailed mentions of horror themes (gore, monsters, etc)
sakuya sakuma
🌸 when the topic of a horror movie date first comes up, he’s a bit scared. he’s only seen a couple, one of which was for mankai play research.
🌸 when it’s actually showing, though, he’s pretty calm! the anticipation was the worst part, and he somehow doesn’t get scared even during the most terrifying movie of the year. he’s great at reminding himself it’s just fictional in the end
🌸 vampires? not scary. aliens? he thinks they’re cute! gore? well, yeah, it’s unnerving at first but it’s all fake, and once he reminds himself of that he’s fine
🌸 he gets scared at the littlest things though. there might be a continuity error where a knife is in its holder on the counter in one shot and then removed the next, and no one in the movie acknowledges it nor is it supposed to mean anything but he can and will psych himself out thinking about just what moved it
🌸 king of predicting plot twists! he might be very good at spotting continuity errors, but he’s even better at picking out little bits of foreshadowing and putting together the mystery
🌸 gets spooked the most by jumpscares. every time he squeaks a bit (on really bad ones he might scream) and every time he always does the same embarrassed sigh afterwards and goes to squeeze your hand to calm himself
🌸 psychological horror is definitely the best pick for sakuya. he thinks a lot about what’ll happen next in the movie and loves to discuss about movies with you regardless of the genre, so with thought-provoking psychological films it fits him like a glove
🌸 and hey, if things ever get too intense he loves b-list horror movies! he thinks the bad acting is endearing and always finds something to compliment even with the trashiest, corniest flick
🌸 if you ever get uncomfortable, he might commentate in the movie and try to poke fun at it- i mean, the killer clown is kind of funny! look how bright and colorful it is compared to the rest of the set! he keeps his voice light and sunny so you have something comforting to concentrate on
masumi usui
🎧 he loves the idea of horror night. cuddling with you, holding you protectively as the suspense rises, stealing kisses to distract you from the monster and erase your fear...
🎧 he’s only seen a few horror movies in his life, less than the fingers he has on one hand, but whatever. it’s a movie. it’s not real. if he got too immersed he could just tell himself it’s fake and be done with it.
🎧 spoiler alert: he didn’t.
🎧 masumi did not, and i repeat, did NOT expect to get so invested??? even if you’re scared, he’s definitely the most terrified
🎧 that’s not to say he’ll show it. he’s doing everything to keep a neutral face, and you’ll probably assume he’s holding to you tighter during the scary parts like he’s protecting you.
🎧 (it’s actually because you’re the one [1] thing grounding him. you’re protecting him, not the other way around! in hindsight, he likes being cared for even when he thought he’d be the one spoiling you, not the other way around. he just wishes it didn’t have to be during such a scary movie, that’s all)
🎧 will take his fear to the grave... unless you ask him directly about it. please hold him and tell him the monsters aren’t real, even though he’s a heavy sleeper he will stay up until 3 am, his mind reminding him how creepy the movie was every time he’s about to drift off
🎧 so does not fuck with ghosts, if he didn’t believe in them before he certainly does now. the poor guy looks up how to ward away spirits and ends up carrying around a salt packet on him for the next two weeks
tsuzuru minagi
📖 tsuzuru’s not exactly a horror fan. he claims it’s brainless and pointless
📖 (admittedly he’s a little scared of them, but he still thinks they’re dependent on shock alone, and have zero rewatch value since the writing is more focused on in-the-moment spooks than actual plot.)
📖 he’ll roll his eyes and tease you a little but eventually he’ll go along with watching a horror movie
📖 to psych himself out of his fear tsuzuru decides to watch them critically and note what plot points to do (or more likely not to do) for future plays
📖 this works out for the beginning but by the middle of the movie he’s enraptured. he can’t tell if it’s actually good or if it’s a car wreck he can’t help but watch
📖 does the corny move where he yawns and wraps an arm around you, and you’d almost buy it from his earlier cynicism but then the killer shows their face and he tenses up like hell and you just know
📖 gets embarrassed every time he’s scared- he even turns pink, and gets even redder if you try to hold his hand or cuddle him closer (even though there’s nothing he’d want more after something that creepy)
📖 by the end he’s got a few new ideas that might go to autumn or winter troupe’s latest plays, and admits okay, fine, maybe horror isn’t so pointless after all
itaru chigasaki
🎮 screw movies, you’re playing horror games instead!
🎮 most of itaru’s horror games are single-player, so one of you takes the controller while the other sits next to the player, but itaru’ll drape his arms around you from behind in a back hug the entire time you play
🎮 he doesn’t really shut up. the entire time, he’s either cracking a joke or trying to freak you out more, if only so he doesn’t get in his head and overthink the creepy atmosphere
🎮 asshole only quiets down when the game gets tense, and then suddenly puts his hands around your shoulders or neck to scare you. regardless if you fall for it or not, he always laughs at himself and just-so-happens to break the tension as a scary cutscene plays
🎮 still commentates when he’s the player, but gasps or jumps even at small atmospheric scares
🎮 itaru definitely overthinks the game. he gets super cautious over tiny details and makes the missions way harder than they should be since he keeps overestimating the enemy line of sight and how noisy the avatar is
🎮 if you happen to be playing a co-op horror it’s a constant “no u” battle over who should do the scariest tasks
🎮 “reader, we need to cleanse the room next. you should do it” “no, you should do it. you have the quartz item remember” “i can give it to you since you have the ghost ward” “the ghost ward doesn’t apply to this quest, besides, you’re better at this ghost attack quick time event than me” “no it does, and you’re more optimized” “i can just give the items to you-“ “no you should do it” “no you” “no you” “no you” “no y-”
🎮 you both lose
citron
🍋 citron loves horror movies! he thinks they’re... comforting?
🍋 turns out he’s only seen movies about cursed dolls and b-horror, which explains a lot- he loves dolls too much to be scared by them and he thinks b-list horror is hilarious- but he’ll still proudly proclaim he’s unflappable and swear to protect you from the bad guys
🍋 when you’re actually watching the movie you can’t tell if he’s faking his reactions or not. he’s very noisy
🍋 he gets scared enough during the gruesome and horrific scenes to hold you close and tight like a teddy bear, and during the worst of it he might muffle a scream by diving into the crook of your neck, obscuring his vision until the scene changes
🍋 and yet, he laughs at the next scene’s unrealism, and manages to poke enough fun at the movie that you giggle and his terror disappears, he loves your laugh way more than he can be afraid of monsters
🍋 can’t do gore for the life of him, but when it comes to the actual plot, he’s rather critical of characters acting dumb. he catches on to nonsensical writing quick, but usually asks you to clarify the plot holes before realizing that he found a loophole in the writing
🍋 whenever you’re scared and not even his goofy reactions and commentary can help, he plants a sweet kiss on your cheek, strokes your hair, and holds you close to his chest until the fear goes away. he’s surprisingly good at protecting you from the movie
🍋 after the movie he’ll say his country has a similar legend to the movie monsters, but he claims the legends are true in zafra, and zafrans have a very specific tradition to prevent the monsters from attacking them
🍋 the movie also gave citron the idea of creepily standing behind you silently until you turn around and get startled, or occasionally chanting in a strange, cultish language and pretending he didn’t say a thing, or making a doll with the same markings as the clown puppet from the movie...
🍋 citron continues to be even scarier than the actual horror movie, but can’t wait until the next horror night! maybe watching it was a bad idea after all...
chikage utsuki
🌙 chikage just doesn’t get the appeal of horror. it’s just a fake movie, why do people get so creeped out by terrible sfx and unrealistic monsters?
🌙 he’s seen scarier things than any werewolf pack, zombie outbreak, or witch coven can throw at him. if you insist on watching a scary movie, fine, he’ll be happy to let you sit on his lap, just don’t expect to creep him out as well, or else you’ll be sorely disappointed.
🌙 he analyzes the movie more than he watches it, but doesn’t speak up even though the fight scenes look pitiful. if this were real life, he’d sweep the whole brood of shambling monstrosities in record time and be back home in time for izumi’s curry
🌙 chikage runs his hands under your shirt whenever the monster’s on screen to scare you. it’s actually really creepy- his fingers are light and quick and always makes you flinch, even if you know it’s just your boyfriend
🌙 he’ll listen to your thoughts about the movie, but doesn’t have strong opinions himself. he thinks the scares are mediocre at best, even without considering his background, but won’t mention how unrealistic it was unless you mention it first.
🌙 psychological horror, however, is a whole different story
🌙 maybe chikage can’t get scared by generic spirit halloween monsters but once you introduce thought-provoking plot, questions and dilemmas, now he’s hooked
🌙 he really likes wondering if the protagonist is actually the good guy and making theories about the origins of the monsters and why they’re so destructive, even if he forgets about them once the movie’s over.
🌙 love love looooves the “the monsters were harmless creatures before humans dished out the first blow” trope. he knows how common it is, but there’s a lot of ways to go about it, especially on a subtextual level, and he just can’t get enough
🌙 the deeper the plot is, expect a longer conversation about the ins and outs of it. they get surprisingly thoughtful and introspective, even if chikage throws in a few bullshit stories related to the movie just to watch you squirm
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