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ipkkndlovescenes · 11 months

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Shyam Manohar Jha

Shyam Manohar Jha/

The name of Deception

By: Mysticaldivine

A deception, betrayal, treachery, treason, and scam has a face like Shyam. Perfidy and dodgy character like him does exist in this society living among us with all the double cross game plans, hurting many, destroying many, and killing many by having blood in their hands.

We have many names for Shyam, like a snake, spidey, slimy, slither etc. He knew how to swindle and flimflam the opportunities in his favor and why not. He was a lawyer, after all. Dirty games and tricks were parts of his life. When we first met him, he seemed to be a decent, well-groomed, protected, well-mannered character but big-time deceiving. It was no coincidence that he bumped into Khushi Kumari Gupta in Lucknow. The question is, why was he there when Anjali was there? Arnav was cracking the biggest deal of his life, the biggest matter of his life, which changed his and Anjali's lives forever.

Was there a story of Shyam attached to all of this that we have no clue about?

Let's say he was there to watch the assets Arnav bought for his sister, but it doesn't fit into my brain. It seems his side of the story is hidden and incomplete. Then he saves Khushi, and we know he was behind this goon's set-up. How?... later, Arnav says to Khushi that if Shyam had never seen her in Lukhnow or in that video of her falling in Arnav's arms, then he wouldn't have been behind her, and Anjali's wedding would have been safe...

Shyam manipulates Khushi's Buaji, becomes a paying guest, and plays her son's role very well. He develops a friendship with Khushi and tries to win her over by any means. We find out later that Shyam is married to Anjali, the focus of ASR's life. That was the biggest twist to this story, and it also generated curiosity and many questions.

Shyam tried all his tricks to bring Khushi into his life by hook or crook. We had witnessed his cruelty towards her father and his magical, deceiving mirror that reflected the world to defame Khushi's character and honour the Gupta family during Diwali. Still, something was not fitting into his life, and that was Khushi's mother...Devi Maiya who had her own tricks for him...

Payal and Akash's wedding. What on earth? He never thought of that, but no matter how much he ran away, Khushi finally found the connection between Rani Sahiba and Shyam; he was her husband...

His first slap towards reality and fears caught up in his neck. What will happen if Raizadas finds out here? He plays chisel schemes and has mind games with the Gupta family over Payal's wedding. He puts his head down until he ensures the Gupta family won't disclose his identity. His true colors come out again on Sangeet night when he tortures Khushi...and from that point on, he tries to kill Anjali to get Khushi back. He was such a stupid... He wanted the money and the honey. The true colors of his deceitful actions and words were at their peak, and there was no difference in between him and that scorpion he brought to kill Anjali. I so wished Anjali had never removed it from his back.

His first slap was seeing Arnav and Khushi and their mutual interest during that night. That was a shocking moment, and after seeing them dancing together, he lost his cool. Even when NK mentioned how beautiful Arnav and Khushi looked together on stage, he completely lost his mind and yelled at him.

Unfortunately, Arnav misunderstands Khushi after seeing her in Shyam's arms on the terrace. He thinks that Khushi and Shyam are having an affair and decides to marry Khushi to save his sister's marriage. Khushi tries her best to prove her loyalty, but once again, Shyam makes Arnav think that Khushi is with him, not with Arnav, and things go in his favor. But it wasn't like that at all. Now Khushi was Arnav's wife who was her protector no matter what...Even Arnav discloses his reasons for marrying Khushi, and she tries to tell him all about Shyam, Arnav doesn't believe it and flies to London...

Arnav finally finds out that Shyam is that snake who kidnapped Arnav and held him captive for months from Khushi and NK's revelations. This time Arnav gives him a true tight slap for deceiving his sister first and then for disrespecting his wife.

Shyam used Anjali and this pregnancy to be in Shantivan as always. Whenever there was any discussion to have your own place to take Anjali with him, he created such situations that Anjali had to be in Raizada Mansion. The family's overprotective nature towards Anjali always went in his favor.

Of course, Shyam Manohar Jha would never accept defeat so quickly even after being thrown out of Shantivan. Shyam uses Anjali's pregnancy as an excuse to regain entry into the Raizada house but this time through Dadi. But this time Anjali faced a more significant loss with the family. Her child...

Shyam Manohar Jha killed his own unborn child. He was a bloody murderer.

The recreancy of his character comes out in the light when he reaches the hospital to play a sympathy card. His child was dead because he was not there with Anjali. Arnav punched the crap out of him but Anjali's stubbornness and Shyam's games played a big role in making him back in the Mansion. This time Khushi went against Arnav to bring him back for Anjali.

After re-entering the Raizada Mansion, he instigates Dadiji to break up Arnav and Khushi for good. Here the past of Khsuhi, her Amma's relationship with Arnav's dad, played a role... Shyam was a true imposter in bringing out this case to the light.

But after all this, Arnav and Khushi overcame every hurdle and married. Dadli left them again as she did fourteen years ago.

Seeing Anjali's deep faith in Shyam, Khushi and Arnav make other plans to bring his true colors in front of Anjali.Arnav, Khushi and NK finally reveal Shyam's horrific atrocities to Anjali... After discovering he was behind her child's death, she slaps him and vows never to see his face again.

. The way Shyam manipulated everyone around him was a new and totally different concept twelve years ago. Mostly Vamps had such characters and in different ways.... This guy had his rich wife wrapped around his finger to do whatever in his life! Not only that, he even had Naniji, Mamiji, Buaji and later Dadiji entirely under his control. Also, how he emotionally tortured Khushi and messed up her character and life, developing a relationship with cunning Arnav, makes him especially devious. Arnav couldn't figure him out at all... Anjali's blind faith made him resourceful too.

He was a cupid in Arshi's case; and we love our spidey, snake, slimy slithery Shyam...Well, Done!...

#ipkknd #khushi kumari gupta #my ipkknd gifs #arnavkhushi #mysticaldfaiqa #arshi #Shyam Manohar Jha #ASR

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lairofdragonagelore · 1 year

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The Fade - DAO

[Remade post, originally from here]

Details I want to keep fresh, related to the architecture and statues we see in The Fade in Dragon Age Origins.

[This is part of the series “Playing DA like an archaeologist”]

[Index page of Dragon Age Lore]

The place had a lot of veins of lyrium and, probably, a reminiscence of what will be in DA2 red lyirium. The Fade reflects reality, so it's not strange.

Here what now has a bit more of meaning: Red veins or blood. In any case, both are related since we saw in DAI sections of it soaked in blood, from where red lyrium sprouted around. [Here]

The normal lyrium can be found not only in the DAO Raw Fade [curious name for this part of the Fade where we were thrown by the Sloth demon, not exactly the same way we accessed to it in DAI], but also in the several sections that we are teleported to [ for example, Mage asunder, Templar's nightmare, etc]. Now, the red veins can only be seen in the Raw Fade.

This could have been the first time we saw this troublesome element.

In the Raw Fade we also see statues of Avaars with tentacles. This is another detail that I overlooked years ago but now they may have some meaning. So far, we know, the original intention of the Old Gods were to be Cthulhu-like creatures, with tentacles, like the statue in the Dalish origin linked to Falon’Din.

The statue is named “disturbing statue” in-game and clicking on it gives us the codex: Beyond the Veil: Spirits and Demons [unreliable source since it’s from a Circle mage].

This type of statue (four of them in fact) surround a mini boss in the Templar's Nightmare, where we fight a desire demon.

Now It’s curious that those tentacles seem to come out from Avaar statues or from twisted structures, like this apparent white bowl.

Or from this strange tent that gives me feeling of an Aravel. This one is called “twisted structure” and after clicking on it you have the codex: The Black City.

The concept of tentacles in the whole series of Dragon Age seems strange, except when you think in the Old Gods. Their original design was not meant to be Dragons, but creatures with long arms and tentacle-legs, which design was mainly present in those strange statues of Dragon Age Origin we find in the Brecilian Ruins in the dalish origin, in the basement of Wilheam [when we retrieve Shale] and in the Fade no less, in the Templar's Nightmare and among treasures in the Mage Asunder.

In Templar's Nightmare we also find an Eluvian, which is curious. It looked like it is placed in a storage room or in a laboratory. Like in DAI, the eluvians we find in DAO are simple in structure, nothing alike Merril’s.

It’s curious that the top of the Tower of Magi has three eluvians that seemed to be broken. If we think that the tower was built by Avvar [related to elves thanks to Tyrdda’s lover who was an elf, check Tyrdda Bright-Axe Path], the presence of these artefacts here is more than suspicious. Unless the current Circle mages were the ones bringing these artefacts to the tower, the presence of these mirrors would speak of Elves being related to the Avvar.

Returning to the Fade, there are also statues that are used to represent Elven Gods or Andraste [hard to guess since DAO has overused these statues, and their “environmental telling” value is quite poor]

There are also statues that resemble Andraste [with Ferelden iconography] all over the place, but there are some creepy ones:

in the section Mage Asunder, where Andraste's head is replaced by a skull

Here you see Andraste with a skull in each of the three statues. The only time I remember similar iconography was in Din'an Hanin. I already talked a lot about the design symbols that Mythal and Andraste have in common: for example, the single spike in their helm. So, in some ways, both characters are related in a way hard to speculate.

If we are allowed to link them vaguely, I can relate these statues of skull-Andraste with the Myhtal’s whose head was replaced by a skull in Din'an Hanin [image above].

In Mage Asunder I also found Three vessels with strange icons. Mostly dragon head-like that resemble a lot the heads of the slender-tentacle figures that seem to represent the Old Gods.

Later, in the Temple of Andraste, we will see these vessels in the puzzle of the transparent-bridge during The Gauntlet, and it's in one of these vessel where Andraste's ashes are kept. The strong components of dragon nature and old gods in this vessel is more than curious for being the Urn of Andraste's ashes. I hardly believe it was a lack of resources in the old engine of DAO. We also find later, in DAI, links of Andraste with Wyverns [check in Crestwood: surface],

and in the DAI Fade, we find fragments of a big statue of Andraste exactly in front of a Wyvern, showing to us that both of them share the single spike symbol in common [I feel it’s a dev’s choice to place them this together, check this in The Fade-Flemeth: Part 1 ]

There is also a strange iconography on the floor of the Fade where the pedestal for teleportation tends to be in some sections [not always]. It could mean just a powerful enchantment structure for teleportation. It's a spiral, each of the circles has its own detail, showing more swirls in its relief. One would be tempted to guess this is elven design in the Fade, but we also found this spiral in the Circle of Magi [originally made by Avvar and Dwarves but since the Avvar seem to be related to Elvhen we can’t say for sure].

It was in this place where Uldread was performing his ritual in order to change the mages into abominations. Again, we know the tower was made by Avvar, so this structure should be Avvar. However, we can softly link the Avvar with the Elvhen through Tyrdda’s lover. We don’t know how deeply related both cultures were.

As a minor detail, there is a symbol in most doors in the Fade which is usually present on all the doors of the Tower of Magi. I never saw it again in any other game.

It’s also worth noting that the tower has these circular platforms, which were present in most chambers of the Temple of Andraste, or in the [Brecilian Ruins].

Finally, it's interesting to see that most of the Fade is made of "melt down" buildings. I think this design prevailed from DAO to DAI, which developed walls with the same material as the creepy statues of screaming creatures [Keepers of Fear]. These statues are also linked to Avvar, so it seems that the Avvar presence in the Fade is stronger than one could imagine, at least from an iconography point of view in DAI as well as in DAO.

However, the concept of sprouting tentacles did not survive into DAI so far:

Similar melted-down architecture can be found when you access to the Fade for a second time trying to save Connor.

In this particular case [I played with Jowan] there are strange columns spiralling up,

and the red veins are now present in the portals we use. One could guess this is where the Demon dwells, and her presence corrupted the portal/lyrium in it.

There is also a landscape that reinforces the concept of tentacles

And a last detail, maybe not important... did the Archdemon dream happen in the Fade? That green colour and the landscape with tentacles we see in just some seconds of the cutscene may suggest so. Then again, this would not be super strange since Dragons seem to be deeply related to Magic and the control of the Fade, according to the three oldest comics of DA: The Silent Grove, Those Who Speak, and Until We Sleep.

#Playing DA like an archaeologist #lyrium #old gods #archdemon #fade #the fade #eluvian #andraste

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miss-vortex · 2 years

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What Makes Rollercoasters So Fun? A look at the science, psychology and design behind rollercoasters - with a focus on 'The Smiler'

I'm standing watching The Smiler at Alton Towers, one of the UK's most popular theme parks.

It's a one-of-a-kind steel rollercoaster which gives off an 'insanity' vibe; after all, the logo isn't a friendly, welcoming smile, but an ecstatic Cheshire cat grin which borders on the psychotic. The soundtrack that is blasting out is overly cheery and somewhat sinister, featuring repetitive, out-of-key chanting along to heavy, distorted beats. Carriages full of Alton Towers guests fly around the inverted track and the enraptured screams emanating from them bounce and curve with every loop.

I'm pointing my phone at a particular part of the track whilst waiting for my friends and partner to come rolling over - I'm filming in slow-mo mode, so that once they get off I can present to them their creasing faces and rippling hair as they are flung forwards at speeds of 85km per hour.

Once I review the footage, one thing is clear: the people on this ride are grinning ear-to-ear. It appears The Smiler does exactly what it says on the tin.

So why am I not on this ride? Put simply, I don't enjoy rides with a high G-force or inversions as much as I used to. I have never been a fan of suspended coasters either due to an experience I had at age 15 (warning: gross) when I embarked on a suspended rollercoaster with several loops and a jet of snot evacuated my nostril as I was thrown about all over the place. Although The Smiler isn't a suspended coaster, my friend warned me that if I thought that Nemesis (Alton Towers's fastest suspended coaster which I went on in 2010) 'was a bit much, you probably won't like this one' - so I decided to sit it out.

I didn't completely refrain from the rollercoasters, though. I still went on Galactica, Wickerman and Th13teen (which I particularly enjoyed). But these will still be considered pretty tame by the most extreme of thrill-seekers.

Rollercoaster Tycoon and real-world physics

Although I'm not crazy about riding intense rollercoasters, I still enjoy learning about what makes certain attractions so popular. I have been an avid Rollercoaster Tycoon fan since the age of 8/9 and on Steam I have racked up over 200 hours of playtime - that equates to over a week of my adult life spent trying to please tiny, whiney 2D theme park guests who all look identical.

Did you know that Rollercoaster Tycoon incorporates real-world physics to a T? When Scottish-born Chris Sawyer designed this game in the 90s, he wasn't messing around - for any coaster you're building, all the specs are there, such as lateral G-force, vertical Gs, inversions, drop height, etc.

In fact, the in-game physics of Rollercoaster Tycoon mirror reality so closely that if you perform a test which rollercoaster engineers use - the 'Brachistochrone Curve' - in the game, you get the same results as you would in reality.

If you want to build a successful rollercoaster in Rollercoaster Tycoon, you have to have some understanding of ride mechanics. For example, knowing how to ensure your ride will produce enough momentum so that a coaster car doesn't get stuck halfway round a loop; knowing how design makes a ride too intense or boring; but most importantly, knowing how to build a coaster that brings in THAT CASH MONEY.

So, how did John Wardley (designer of The Smiler) know it would be such a huge success? What is the science behind The Smiler and why is it so many peoples' favourite Alton Towers attraction?

Using The Smiler, I will examine three essential elements which are considered when constructing a mind-blowing coaster - the physical design of the ride, the way the ride makes guests feel and the theming used.

Let's twist again - Inversions and G-force

The Smiler has a record-breaking 14 inversions, the most of any rollercoaster in the world. Inversions come in a variety of shapes - loops, corkscrews, barrel rolls - and they create an exciting and intense ride when there's only so much building space available. Designer John Wardley said that the engineers “packed more track per meter of space in this ride than any other rollercoaster in the world", which probably explains why The Smiler is also one of the longest-lasting rollercoasters in the world, taking almost 3 minutes to complete a full circuit.

The Smiler also packs a whole lot of G-force thanks to the ride's drops, twists and turns; according to Wikipedia, The Smiler's G-force rating is a nail-biting 4.8 - keep in mind that astronauts experience a G-force of 3.0 during a rocket launch. Also keep in mind that supposedly 5 Gs is the limit a person can usually withstand before passing out. Perhaps this is why people exit The Smiler giddy and grinning like idiots - because the heavy Gs deprived their brains of oxygen.

Read the rest of the article by following the link below:

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shadow-huntress · 2 years

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I think that everyone saw at least once scenario of a game, book, movie, etc. But I never saw anyone writing about how would they really act if they got into one of these if that would be them in reality. So I decide I will write it with the game Disney Twisted Wonderland.

First I wanna say two things:

first english isn't my first language so sorry for mistakes

second I will be writing from prologue and one post is one chapter or event, events will be done when I write chapters

There will be also ship's:

Ace x Deuce

Kalim x Jamil

Sebek x Silver

If someone is uncomfortable with them don't worry I will be writing them in different colour.

This one is prologue how I would act/do:

- freak out at first but when I realize where am I it will be just screaming and jumping

- Then run from Grim and his flame

- After Crowley will take me to mirror chamber I will curs on him in my native language (polish) and pray so he don't understand me

- if they would talk in other languages then polish or english I will be like „ What the hell" (￣￣|||)

At the mirror chamber

M(mirror) : [...] they are suited for no dormitory

Me thinking: No sh*t Sherlock, from where I am there isn't magic!

Let's skip where dorm leaders are trying to catch Grim.

- I would just be standing ther not knowing what to do + realized that it will be my life from now

- Won't tell anyone about game. At first at least

- I'm a scaredy cat and begin in the dark place, alone will exhaust me mentally so living with grim and ghosts is blessing

- Also curse on Ace when he will be making fun of me and Grim or trying not to cry depending what my mood would be

- Because I have dust allergy like my mom we need to vacuum twice a week and at our detention after destroying Queen of hearts I would not wait for Ace and just start cleaning because I prefer to do it quickly not to start sneezing

- As for Adeuc and Grim when we are at mine probably will try to tell them that this world is a game from where I am

- Of course they wouldn't believe me so I would tell them what will happen next

- And it happens

- Rest of prologue would be the same and no I'm not telling Crowley about their game world

And that's all for this post. I'm still new to this and I still don't know how exactly I want this to look so please if something could be done better inform any way you want but without hate. Next post will be chapter 1 with Heartslabyul.

#kalim x jamil #ace x deuce #sebek x silver #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland scenarios #twst ace #twst #twst scenarios #twst deuce #twst grim #twst crowley

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warsinmyhead · 6 months

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1, 7 & 14 for the Halloween meme for Hiro and Briggs ^^

x | meme status: not accepting!

Hiro

Does/Do your Muse(s) celebrate Halloween?

Growing up in Japan, Halloween was not a popular concept initially. (As it was more of a Western holiday.) Hiro was exposed to Halloween during a family trip (in reality, it was a business trip for his stepmother) in Los Angeles as a pre-teen when he saw the decorations. While out at a cafe with his sister and father, his sister, who was more fluent in English, asked the cafe workers about the decorations and themed treats.

"Halloween's tomorrow," one of the clerks explained. "We actually stay open tomorrow and offer candy to people who come in costume. You guys don't celebrate it?"

Hiro found it fascinating, but his school and neighborhood in Japan didn't start celebrating Halloween officially until after he graduated and was accepted to university in South Korea. There, he was exposed to university parties and bars that would do themed Halloween events and parties. He eventually got into the idea of dressing up and had fun doing it.

7. Favorite Halloween costume they've ever done?

One year he did Billy the Puppet from Saw when he was invited to a university party. He even rode in on a small bike to complete the look. While he's not a big fan of the series per se, due to all of the bloody games/imagery, he liked that costume since it did hide his regular identity and some of the judgmental classmates (ex. Namseon) had no idea who was Billy that night. Instead, he was that cool person who had the best Billy costume ever.

14. Does your Muse have any superstitions surrounding Halloween?

Not really. While it isn't a superstition, Hiro tries to make a point to give candy out to at least one person that day, as it makes him happy to see the kids get the candy and run off with their full bags. With some things changing, he tries to bring candy if he's invited to a party and there are families or kids present, as he knows not every parent brings their kids to traditional neighborhoods or apartment complexes like his.

Briggs

Does/Do your Muse(s) celebrate Halloween?

Yes, which started at an early age. Her late father Rory did not have Halloween back in Scotland and was fascinated by the concept when he came to the States for school and work. When he was alive, he and Maike would make costumes for their daughters and would often deck their house out in cool decorations.

After he passed away, Briggs was unable to celebrate properly once she was shipped off to private school and longed for the days when her father was alive. When she got older and graduated, she did a much more scaled back version of what her father used to do as she lives in a smaller space and there are rules about decorations at her complex.

Her workplace would allow costumes if the agents and personnel are not on a mission that day or if in the off chance, the mission coincides with a Halloween event and a costume is required for blending in. (There were instances where she had to retro-fit some costumes for field agents with the standard protections in their bespoke suits and add spy gadgets to their props – she found the experience amusing and kind of fun.)

7. Favorite Halloween costume they've ever done?

During a period when she cut her hair shorter, she did Amelia Earhart and used an old pilot cap that belonged to someone in their family who served in the Air Force back in the day.

14. Does your Muse have any superstitions surrounding Halloween?

When she was at private school, she did get a little leery of the concept of Bloody Mary and chanting her name to a mirror in the dark at a specific hour. This was due to some bizarre coincidences where some of the overconfident girls tried it and a couple had some bad luck, like getting sick, one twisted her ankle during a basketball practice, etc.

As an adult, she doesn't really believe in the legend, but you won't find her chanting something to a mirror.

#r3dblccd #[ ASK: Ah do I have to kiss and tell? ]#[ ASK: Want an answer? Here's one. ]#[tw: Halloween]#[tw: mention of private school]#[tw: mention of Saw franchise]#[tw: implied bullying]#[tw: mention of Bloody Mary legend]#warsinmyhead

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allwhilewaiting · 2 years

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playing god

The last book I read, Their Eyes Were Watching God, had a particular part where all gods were described as cruel and senseless deities. That struck a chord in me.

Many of this month’s prompts were spent unraveling the why and rationale of the stupid shit that seemed to attach itself to my shoe of life. And how I have to convince myself that it was meant to be this way (e.g. chess game, equal treatment, etc)

And maybe this prompt is just another add-on to that idea of creating meaning where none can be found.

I sat by the beach yesterday, and took this video. The tide was so high that the waves crashed all the way up to the sand dunes, leaving no room for seating. I never have seen what a high tide looks like until then. I made it a point to go to the beach that day, simply because I wanted to. I just wanted to see the sun kiss the water and reflect on God’s goodness.

A few days earlier I sat in my bed one morning and thought about how much I’ve gained from my losses…and I’m not just talking about the intangible. My life is undeniably better after those waves of trauma than it’s ever been. Quite literally, I’m living my best life now. I see the best version of myself in the mirror today. The most stable version.

And that doesn’t deny the losses; how I often long for this wisdom in that 22 year old body. But it wasn’t there. How I marvel at how much I could have saved myself from devastation had I only knew…had I only really accepted myself the way I do now.

But the reality is…no matter how much I try to play god, heaven’s not hiring. I’ll never know why my immature desperation twisted me down cruel roads leading to this lovely oasis. My knees are still cut up from the brush of it all, but what matters now is I’m here. It wasn’t all good, but there was good even in those storms. The high tides had to wash away some of the muck…those are universal laws that are undeniable and predictable. Shit happens.

Now what is most vital is that I look around, cut my losses, savor the gratitude for yet (another) opportunity for a beautiful life…and live it out while it’s here.

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tiramisu-su · 2 years

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Self obsessed?

I remember in my teens my dad had made a comment to my mom about me, saying "She looks at herself in the mirror too much." He was referring to me being "self absorbed" and "full of myself". Yet he didn't think about maybe why that was so? Growing up I could give two shits about my appearance. It's when I reached pre-puberty and adolescence that I started to notice that your looks really DO matter and people will judge you and treat you certain ways according to how you look to them. Obviously, anyone who does this is a shitty person and not worth your time anyways, but growing up, this bothered me greatly. Not only was my dad verbally abusive about every characteristic/shortcoming I had as a person, he was this way about my appearance as well. It didn't help that I received bullying at school and was told almost daily by either my dad or other girls that I was "ugly" and "fat". He drilled into my head that I needed to work out and wear makeup to look better. He constantly made comments like: "You look like shit why don't you wear makeup?" or "Look at how gross your legs look you need to tone them by working out." Not only are there major problems with what he was saying on a surface level, he was also making these comments about his young daughter who was going through puberty. It's true that I did then develop a hyper-fixation to my appearance. I could not leave the house without a full face of makeup from the ages of 15-19. I wouldn't dare let anyone see my bare face because I just didn't want to face judgement but honestly people are gonna say whatever the fuck they want if you wear makeup or don't. They will comment on what kind of makeup you're wearing, how much, how you applied it, etc. It took me a long time to face the reality that I could go out in public without makeup on because my worth and beauty did not fluctuate because of my appearance. So yes I WAS looking at myself in the mirror a lot but I was so anxious and constantly checking to see if my makeup was okay, if my hair was okay, if I looked presentable, how my smile looked, if my lips were chapped etc. Don't get it twisted, I wasn't admiring myself, I was making sure I looked OKAY and at the same time I was criticizing every single feature I had.

I never thought of myself as a narcissist. I remember my sister bringing up the term negative narcissist which is when you fixate on yourself, but in a negative way and I definitely see/saw that within myself. Each person in this world possesses some level of narcissism or personality traits of it. That's not who I want to be so I have to nip that in the butt and I feel like I'm working towards being a better person everyday. To be self-absorbed in ANY way whether it be positive or negative is toxic. I know within my heart that I am just a person, like everyone else trying to survive and live each day to be a better person. I don't think I'm above anyone else, if anything, I think I'm below others and that's not okay either. I need to recognize that I am better than no one (which I already know) but also that no one is better than me. So what if someone is prettier or has a bigger house or a better job? That truly does not make them a better person than I am. If you keep chasing and wanting more, you will never be happy with what you have. Anyways, today, I am comfortable going out without makeup. I'm comfortable not hiding my tattoos or my scars. I am more comfortable with myself and my appearance because these things don't matter and I'm here to enjoy life. I deserve to be in the same spaces as everyone else and experience whatever I want to. There's nothing wrong with loving yourself. We are all special and unique in our own ways. Just never take anything to the extreme because that's when you suffer. Thats when you aren't able to grow. If you are stuck thinking you're the best, you don't see anything to improve on, and if you are stuck thinking you're the worst, you won't see the point in change anyways.

You don't need to be told you're beautiful or cute or what not. You have to know these things and accept these things about yourself because YOU believe them. You don't have to go out of your way to get the newest cool outfit or follow fleeting trends like lip fillers or thin brows. Just do you and be you. You don't owe it to anyone to show off or to prove anything. I started getting tattoos for myself because I liked how they looked. I liked the idea of adorning my body with art that held permanence. I liked that idea of commitment and accessory. Of course I was met with a lot of backlash, but some people enjoy tattoos as well. Some people commented on how "trashy" tattoos are, or how tattoos are for "convicts" and "losers". Literally why do you have to make a comment like that about something that doesn't concern you. If you don't like tattoos, great. SHUT UP. It's so sad that grown adults have to be reminded that if they have nothing nice to say, they shouldn't be saying anything at all.

That just goes to show that other peoples words only have hurt in them if you allow it to. Remember, no one who is truly happy with themselves will bring others down.

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blackkatmagic · 2 years

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Writing terrible awful assholes who have done so much wrong in their lives but also whose problems can legit be boiled down to some variation of "oh you really weren't hugged enough as a child" is so fucking funny, though.

#that air of 'the world has a lot of people with daddy issues in it and you are Not Exempt'#contrasted with an actual legitimate villain #will never fail to be hilarious to me #it's all about looking in a twisted mirror of reality etc etc #the universal need for therapy goes unmet and results in supervillains who think spandex is a good look #or that jetboots are in #just - if only real life things were solved so easily #as a hero looking at someone and going 'oh. it's the childhood abandonment issues. here's a voucher for a psychologist i know'#kat rambles #my writing

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sorryimananti-romantic · 3 years

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Hide and Seek | Kang Seulgi

police!seulgi x criminal!reader au

word count: 5.2k

genre and warnings: angst, suggestive, violence

(i do not own anything except this story)

------------------

“Hands in the air where I can see them- and drop your weapons.”

A smirk creeped on my face as her voice rang through my ears- the familiar voice I was addicted to now. I did as I was told and dropped my dagger on the ground, the clattering of it ringing in the empty alley.

Empty except for me, my prey who had run away thanks to the police officer who was now twisting my hands behind my back, clipping handcuffs while I just smiled.

It was her. Again.

“You are under arrest for the attempted murder of an innocent civilian. You have the right to an attorney-”

“Oh please,” sarcasm dripped from my voice, “We’ve done this so many times, Seulgi. No need to repeat the same shit-”

“That’s Officer Kang to you,” she tightened her hold on my handcuffs, “Mind your manners.”

I scoffed, “You know, there’s another scenario that could be playing right now, with you handcuffing me- ouch!”

“Say things like this again and I’ll dig this gun deeper in your back- and maybe even shoot,” She growled in my ear, pushing me forward, making me walk to the police car. “Get inside.”

I huffed, obeying, pretending to look out of the car and watch the city fade by as we travelled to the police station, when in reality, my mind was occupied with two things, one of which was observing every step the police took and taking in everything- the escape routes, the protocols, etc.

The other… well. It concerned the very pretty officer sitting in the first seat-

“How many times are we going to do this?” Seulgi sighed, “We are one step away from getting your lawyer off your back, and then you won’t be able to walk free in the streets, ever.”

“That one step, honey, is gonna be one very long step and before you take that, I’ll have my backup ready.”

“Why are you even talking to this psycho?” The driver, a very annoying and fat man, scowled at me through the rear view mirror, “Don’t let this shit get through your head-”

“Don’t let me get through your head, mister.”

“Shut up,” Seulgi glared at the two of us, “My head is about to burst, I need silence.”

Unlike the other times when I would keep rambling nonsense and keep teasing Seulgi, this time, I kept quiet. Very, very quiet. And it was getting harder to hide the smirk from my face to see Seulgi squirming in the front seat, my gaze burning her, until she finally looked back at me, just a few minutes away from the station.

“You’re quiet today.”

I didn’t reply. Let it get to her. I only met eyes with her once, no sign of any emotion on my face and continued looking outside.

Let her think she had me this time. Let them think they have the upper hand.

As soon as we reached, I was escorted straight into my cell. The people here were familiar with me now- the maniac who never killed but almost did every time, the spoiled brat with connections so I was let out every time I attempted something. I was free.

And I was in control- I had everyone in the palm of my hand.

I knew Seulgi was watching me while she did whatever she was doing- wondering why no one was coming to my escape this time, wondering why I had rejected the offer of a phone call that I always took.

I felt victorious when, after a few hours, everyone had left-leaving me and Seulgi, who was packing her stuff to go home.

“Always working late, are you?”

With satisfaction, I watched Seulgi jerk at my voice- as she had almost forgotten I was still here. She confirmed my suspicion by saying it out loud.

“What are you really doing here?” Seulgi, finally having finished up, stood in front of my cell.

“You tell me, officer.”

Seulgi scoffed, “Officer? I’m seeing a lot of firsts from you today.”

I scoffed. “What are you doing, Seulgi? I thought you couldn’t stand the sight of me- as you’ve so often told me. What are you doing here, standing so close to me?”

The way her body jerked as if she hadn’t noticed me come closer and closer every second brought a grin to my face. She tried taking a step back, but I grabbed her wrist- making sure my grip was loose but not loose enough. My thumb caressed her wrist but I made no effort to bring her closer. But from the look on her face- her eyes wide and mouth parted open in surprise, she knew I could do so many things to her.

But I didn’t.

I let her go.

Seulgi glanced at her wrist, then back at me, her expressions soon changing into a glare. “What do you think you’re doing?”

“You tell me, Seulgi,” I sat back on the floor. “What do you think I’m doing?”

With that, Seulgi left and my body rumbled with laughter.

This was going to be fun.

-------------

I was released the very next morning. And it seemed my plan had worked perfectly.

It had become a game of hide-and-seek now; me, who always got caught just at the right time by Officer Kang. It was a wonder that no one had made the connection yet.

I smiled as I wore my black outfit, gloves and mask- tonight was going to be fun.

Seulgi, of course, had been as disturbed as always to see me get released and not being escorted to the prison despite my long list of attempted murders. I always told her she should blame the people of this country for not abiding by the law and catching criminals like me instead of blaming me.

And she, of course, did not understand that.

Just before I had stepped out of the police station after being released, I had caught Seulgi’s eye- a very intense glare. I raised an eyebrow, and she just muttered that she won’t let me get away.

“You wouldn’t have to, Seulgi. Next time, you don’t have to let me get away.”

With a wink, I left, leaving her eyes wide with confusion.

I tightened my gloves as I ran over the plan again. Truthfully, I hadn’t the whole plan etched in my mind- but I knew how to get where I wanted to.

It was going to be the same trick- just the game that would be different this time.

Right before midnight, I left, knives sticking out from my belt hidden by the long raincoat I wore, strolling through streets and alleys until I finally found my prey.

A group of three girls were bullying one girl. A smirk formed on my face as I watched them, not attempting to break the thing apart. I decided to follow one of the bullies- the one who looked like the leader.

But before that, I walked to the victim, looming over her beaten figure, not offering her help, just observing her.

“How long are you going to be weak?”

“Don’t rub it in my face,” she moaned in pain, “Who are you anyway? Another bully?”

I shook my head, bending down to face her, “Do you want me to get rid of your bullies?”

I didn’t miss the glint that passed her eyes before they furrowed in confusion, “What are you going to do?”

“You should call the police,” I got up, straightening my coat and putting a hand on one of my knives, making sure the girl saw it and her eyes went wide with horror, “Tell them the girl’s about to get murdered. Tell them where I will be. And if you scream, it won’t be her who’s getting murdered tonight. Just do as I said.”

The girl had to gulp twice and slap herself before she took out her phone and I winked at her before following the trail of my prey. The other two girls were saying goodbye, and my prey was walking all alone in an alley.

“Perfect,” I muttered, following her until I heard the familiar blare of police sirens, right when I ran at her and threw her to the ground.

“Hello, little bully,” I pointed the knife at her face, “Want me to carve that permanent smirk you so like to wear?”

She screamed and I hit her temple with the hilt of my knife, “Shut up, bitch. This is what you get for being a scum.”

“I-I won’t do it again, I pro-promise. I’m sorry!”

I threw my head back as I laughed, dragging the knife down her arm, making blood spill, the girl struggling to move but failing because of how I had her trapped with my body on top of her. “How does this feel, sweetheart?”

I took my sweet time tormenting her, leaving little scars here and there until I heard the footsteps draw closer, which was when I raised my knife in the air-

“Hands in the air!”

I smirked, but pretended to sag with disappointment as I turned around, grinning as I saw Seulgi pointing her gun at me, and I dropped my weapon.

This was the last time I was dropping my weapon. The last time I was going to be submissive.

“There you go,” I shrugged, and Seulgi came to handcuff me, and as soon as she had cuffed my left hand, I grabbed her hands from my right hand and brought her closer, making her bump into me as she tried to wriggle away, horrified.

“Alone tonight, are you?” I scoffed, “Fell right into my trap, Seulgi.”

“What trap?” Seulgi scowled, glaring at me. I grabbed both her wrists by my cuffed hand while my free hand ran over her uniformed body.

“You ever wonder why I never actually murdered anyone?”

Seulgi raised a brow, “Because you don’t have the guts?”

I gave her a pointed look, “Nice of a police officer to provoke a potential murderer. No, Seulgi. It’s to mess with that little, stupid head of yours. Look at you, so distracted. Do you like me holding you like this?”

Seulgi turned her face away as I laughed in her hair, my face travelling down until I was breathing in her neck. I brought my mouth to her ear to whisper:

“I don’t see you struggling, sweetheart.”

She pushed me away, and I shook my head in warning, revealing her hand cuffed with mine, twirling the key to the handcuffs in my finger, proving just how distracted she had been to not notice me fishing out the key from her pocket.

“I swear to god, if you don’t give it back this instance-”

“Chill!” I un-cuffed her and put the key back in her pocket, “I was just messing with you.”

“You are under arrest for attempted murder, bla bla, you know the drill now, don’t you?” Seulgi, finally calming down after having taken a deep breath, dragged me to the car as she said the usual words, making me sit in the backseat.

It was time to play with her.

As we drove in silence, I scooted in the middle, staring holes into her. Seulgi tried her best to ignore me as she drove.

“I wonder why everyone was so busy tonight,” I pretended to play innocent, “It’s not like they had new evidence on a cold case, right?”

Seulgi almost hit the brakes as realization settled in. “What are you playing at?”

“You have two choices, Seulgi. You know I planned this. You can let me go and this game we’re playing will end right here. Or… you can take me to the station and you’ll become a player in my game- you’re already halfway in, by the way.”

“What. Game. Are. You. Playing. At?”

Seulgi was seething- something that made me grin. “Hide-and-seek, Seulgi. I know how you love to play that with me.”

Seulgi was breathing deeply now, as she tried to concentrate on her driving. The two minutes to the station while she made her decision had to be the longest two minutes of her life. She stopped the car in the parking lot, both her hands still on the steering wheel as she racked her brain, trying to come to a decision.

“We don’t have all night, Seulgi.”

“I can’t let you go.”

I raised my brow, a grin creeping on my face, making her roll her eyes. “I mean, I can’t let you roam around the streets and let you kill someone, as much as I would love to let you go and never see you again. So, you’re coming with me.”

“You are so gonna regret this before you start to love this.”

“I don’t know what’s going on in your head,” Seulgi got out of the car, opening the door and grabbing me by my arm harshly. “But this is over for you now. Whatever game you think you are playing, it’s not gonna work-”

I stiffened, turning harshly and putting my cuffed arms around her neck so that Seulgi was trapped between me and the car, smirking as I stared down at her, her eyes wide. I let her feel the adrenaline I knew she was feeling as I pressed my knee on her thigh, making her breath hitch.

I scanned her face slowly, making sure she noticed, before saying:

“It’s already working.”

She didn’t take her eyes off me for the few moments before we were interrupted by one of the officers threatening to shoot me if I tried something. I sighed, letting Seulgi go, waving my cuffed hands at the officer, satisfied when I saw her trying to get herself together.

“There’s only two reasons you’d look the way you’re looking right now, sweetheart. A dishevelled, flustered mess. One of them is that you’re scared of me- which I know you’re not. So… you know what it is now.”

“Don’t think for a second that I could ever feel that way about you-”

“What way, exactly, are you talking about?” I raised my brow, feigning innocence.

Seulgi, defeated, sighed before grabbing my arm harshly and taking out her gun, digging it into my back, earning a groan from me. “You’re shit.”

“Can’t say I’m not,” I let her drag me to the cell, watching her the entire time she was in my vision, pleased to see her squirming due to my burning gaze. I waited until everyone was gone or sleeping before starting to whistle.

“Can you keep it down?” Seulgi slammed her file on the table, and I turned to raise a brow at her.

“Make me.”

Seulgi only rolled her eyes, and I continued to whistle the same tune over and over until I saw Seulgi freeze from the corner of my eye.

“Made the connection yet?”

Her mouth was parted open in surprise as she racked her brain for where she had heard this specific tune-

“You followed me?”

“Did I now?”

Seulgi slammed a hand on the desk, rushing to my cell, gripping the bars, “How long have you been following me?”

I got up, treading towards her, licking my lips as I scanned her tense figure. “How long do you think?”

“Can you, for once, answer my question without a question?”

“I can, if you come inside.”

Seulgi bit her lip, thinking of whether she should be stupid and enter or be wise and just let me be. I smiled internally in satisfaction- her eyes betrayed her, always.

“I guess you’re not coming inside. Go away if you’re not.”

I turned to sit, but stopped when I heard the keys clinging, and I couldn’t stop myself from smiling this time. She had taken the bait. Entering, she shut the door, putting her hands on her hips.

“Spill.”

“Where do you think you heard it?”

“I don’t think there’s one specific place…”

“Correct. Do you remember when we first met?”

Seulgi scoffed, “I don’t think I can forget the first time I handcuffed you- you were an animal-”

“Uh, let’s skip that part. Sure, I might have been a tad bit… aggressive. But Officer, that wasn’t the first time we met.”

Seulgi felt like a bucket of cold water had dropped on her. She stumbled a step back in realization, “It can’t be…”

“Oh, but it is, Officer.”

Seulgi was having a rough day- she had a very messy blind date, she wasn’t doing well with the murder case her squad was handling, and she just needed a break.

She sat on the bench in the very empty park, looking up at the dark sky. Even the moon was hidden. She sighed, wondering how she would ever muster up the strength to go back home.

Her attention was caught by a faint whistling tune. She turned her head to look around but there was no one there. She busied herself scrolling mindlessly through her phone when she heard footsteps, ignoring what sounded like a person jogging until the said person stopped in front of her, panting for breath.

“Can I sit here? I don’t have the strength to jog to the next bench.”

Seulgi eyed the person standing in front of her, shrugging as she nodded, and watched as the person took a long drink of water before smiling at her.

“Why jog at this time of the night? It’s not really safe out here these days.”

“I could ask you the same question.”

“I’m a police officer, actually.”

“Then I’m safe, Officer.”

Seulgi shook her head, bringing herself back to her senses. “But you… You’re not…”

“Do you remember that time, Seulgi? You and me, sitting on the bench all night while you let your guard down and talked about how you had such a bad day…” I creeped forward, Seulgi frozen in her spot, “I’m surprised you didn’t recognize me earlier. My disguise isn’t that perfect.”

If Seulgi was being honest with herself, she would have admitted that she had been reminded of the person she’d met that night once or maybe twice. But she had pushed it off as it just being a resemblance.

Because there was no way this was happening, right?

“I know you want me, Seulgi. Do you remember that time I was injured and you tended to my wounds like a good little girl?”

The both of us immediately went down memory lane-

“Are you stupid? Why would you risk your life apart from the victim’s?”

“Don’t tell me you care about my life, Officer.”

“I’m just extremely annoyed right now because there is no one in the station except you and me. Why do I have to be your nurse?”

“Oh come on. I’ll go to the hospital when I’m let out tomorrow- you know I will. I just need you to do something about this quick-” I pointed at the gash that ran down my arm, from near the elbow all the way down to the wrist. Seulgi rolled her eyes, searching for the first aid kit and then putting it outside the cell first, taking out the key to the handcuffs and entering, cuffing my unhurt arm with the bar.

Bringing a stool in front of me, she gripped my arm, turning it around to examine the bleeding scar, pretending my gaze wasn’t burning her. She glared at me once before cleaning the wound while I just watched her gentle movements.

“Why are you so kind, Seulgi?”

“What do you mean?”

“You shouldn’t be doing this. I’m a… criminal. But you always make sure I have water, or food- if I insist. And you… care about people even when they’re like me. Why?”

“It’s my job-”

“No, this- this isn’t your job,” I sighed. I wasn’t particularly feeling high and ‘manic’ like my other days. Tonight wasn’t planned. It was just an unfortunate incident where I got caught and Seulgi being like this… wasn’t helping.

Seulgi put the cotton down and locked eyes with me. “You’re all humans. I cannot leave anyone like this.”

I just stared at her, my gaze going down to her parted lips. She noticed, clearing her throat and continuing to clean the wound.

“Do you ever think about leaving this job, just escaping from everything else and starting new?”

“Do you?” Seulgi started applying an ointment on my wound.

“We all do, don’t we?” I sighed, “If I had the chance… I’d leave, Seulgi. I’d leave this life behind, go to an island… or maybe the mountains. It would be just me and my cats-”

“Cats?” Seulgi laughed a little, and I smiled, despite myself.

“Yes, Seulgi, cats. I don’t always go around bloodthirsty, you know. I have a life too.”

“Right.”

“Anyways, I’d bake cookies. The house would be small, and there would be books, and I’d sit by the fireplace. Sounds good, doesn’t it?”

“It does, actually,” she nodded, and I noticed she was done, but still had my arm in her hand, staring at the wound.

“It’d obviously be better if I had human company too…”

“So you could kill them later?” Seulgi finally looked up at me.

“I’d never do that to you.”

For a second, Seulgi was surprised- and so was I, because I had obviously been thinking of her when I said that. Seulgi shook her head, tucking her hair behind as she started packing the first aid kit, about to leave when I gripped her hand.

“Can you… stay with me- for a few minutes? I… tonight wasn’t something I was expecting.”

Seulgi wasn’t sure what I was referring to, but she put her kit down. “You sound vulnerable. For once.”

“I am,” I admitted, slumping back, “I am so vulnerable right now that you can do whatever you please with me. Kill me, kiss me, I won’t care.”

“There is no killing or kissing happening,” Seulgi shook her head, but I smiled when I saw a ghost of a smile on her face too, “As much as I would like…”

“Kissing me?”

“Killing you,” Seulgi smiled sarcastically, “I’d have to hold my temptations.”

“And if I can’t hold mine?” I leaned forward, taking her hand in my free hand, bringing her closer, “if I can’t resist?”

“Killing me?” Seulgi asked.

“Does it look like I’m about to kill you?” I asked, my eyes scanning her face, the two of us so close we could feel each other’s breath on our skin.

Seulgi made no move to scoot away- as if mesmerized, she sat still, only her eyes roaming around my face, as if trying to read what I was thinking.

“You can go, if you want to,” I whispered, my hand caressing her arm and then moving up her chest, all the way to her neck, until it went to cup her face, and Seulgi couldn’t calm the roiling in her stomach.

How could someone as savage as the person in front of her have such a fragile touch? Hold her like she could break?

She forgot what I had just said, her breath quickening every second as I drew closer and closer, until our foreheads were joined. But I heard the sound of the keys dangling. We had company.

I drew back, scanning her face once before kissing her forehead, good and slow. “We have company. Go.”

Seulgi sat frozen in her spot- until I tapped her face lightly. “Go.”

She stumbled as she took the kit and left, forgetting to cuff me back. I just slumped back, watching her, smiling at how the night had turned out.

“So,” I smirked at how Seulgi was clenching her head now, as she made all the connections.

“Are you… doing this all on purpose? How long have you planned this?”

“Would you believe me if I told you it wasn’t on purpose? That our first meeting- as normal people, and as a police and a criminal were both coincidental?”

“I don’t think I can…”

“Come on,” I turned around, pretending to walk in the cell when I was actually un-cuffing myself from the key I had replaced in Seulgi’s pocket. “I’m a criminal, maybe, yes, but I’m not a liar.”

“I wouldn’t put that past you,” Seulgi countered, “You’ve been stalking me. Am I one of your next ‘victims’? Is this what all of this is about?”

I turned, smiling, approaching her until we were face to face. “Look at me, Seulgi. Look me in the eyes and tell me if I’m lying.”

While she took the bait and looked me in the eyes, I took the cuffs off one hand, took her gun out of her pocket in the blink of an eye and before she could react, I threw it outside the cell from the slightly open door, her neck whipping as she saw just what I had done, and I gripped both her wrists.

“Got you.”

In a second, I cuffed her right hand with my left and threw the key outside too.

“Are you out of your mind!” Seulgi slapped my face- or at least tried to- she was interrupted with me dragging her across and shutting the cell, the keys outside dropping to the floor.

“Oh my god,” Seulgi, horrified, slammed her fist in my chest repeatedly, “What have you done!”

“I told you to let me go, didn’t I?” I growled in her ear, and she went still, her fist still on my chest as she sighed in frustration. “You did this, Seulgi.”

I put her dark hair behind her shoulder, running my fingers across her jaw as I whispered, “It’s just you and me tonight here, baby. I made sure of that. No one will know what happened, not even the cameras- it would be over before the morning. So relax… and let go.”

Seulgi was helpless- she couldn’t do anything now- and ashamed. She had been too distracted. She had played right into this trap.

“Relax,” I whispered, bringing my lips to her ears, trailing it down her jaw as I tilted her face up, “I know you want this.

“Why are you doing this to me?” She almost whispered, “Why me?”

“You had me, Seulgi. Right from the very beginning. There’s just something about you that I couldn’t resist. I’m all yours- do whatever you want with me.”

Seulgi bit her lip, trying to hold herself together, but every move I was making was affecting her, shaking her from the inside out. Her legs were growing weaker, and she wasn’t sure if it was from the situation she had just caught herself in- or something else entirely.

“You have no idea how much I’ve been wanting to do this.”

I held her chin in my hand as I kissed her right cheekbone, then her left, locking eyes with her- but she wasn’t looking at me anymore.

“Don’t look away from me, Seulgi. There’s nothing wrong with what you feel right now… we’re all… humans, aren’t we?”

Seulgi scoffed at me quoting her but changing the context entirely. I nudged her face up and she finally looked at me, her eyes glazed.

“This is wrong-“

“There’s nothing wrong with this,” I assured her, “Obviously would have been better if we were in different circumstances, but Seulgi- there’s nothing wrong with this.”

It was like she was compelled- she shut her eyes, unable to hold the eye contact any longer. I smiled as I rubbed my nose with her, her sighs fuelling me.

“Tell me you want this. Tell me you do.”

I planted butterfly kisses on her face, stopping before I reached her lips.

“I’m going to ask you one last time. Tell me you don’t want this, and I’ll let you go right now. Tell me you want this-”

My breath hitched when I felt her fisting my shirt, her other hand that was cuffed to mine intertwining, her nails digging into my skin.

“Don’t make me say it out loud,” she whispered, despite herself.

She should be fired from her job. She was going to be so ashamed after this- but she couldn’t stop. She brought me closer and I cupped her face as I brought her lips to mine.

It was indescribable- the feeling of finally having someone- this forbidden something we had- but it was like a drug, and she felt it too as she kissed me back with a need I didn’t know she had in her. Her hand went to cup my face as well, my breath hitching this time as she kissed me, harshly, as if she was punishing me through this.

“Slow down,” I broke apart, smirking.

“Slow down?” Seulgi mocked, “This is what you wanted, isn’t it?”

My brows furrowed in confusion, but when she pecked my lips lightly this time, I relaxed.

“I shouldn’t be doing this, should I?”

“Let’s not think about that,” I kissed her, slow this time, taking in the marvelling feeling of how our lips fit as if made for each other, our stomachs roiling as our free hands roamed around, until she bit my lip and I took that as a sign to put my tongue in her mouth, our kisses growing quicker and more passionate as we made out.

Seulgi pushed me back and back until I hit the wall, and I growled into her mouth- it was time to show her who really was in control. I turned and slammed her body into the wall, my knee going in between her legs making her breath hitch harshly as she stared at me, eyes full with lust.

“Look at you,” I caressed her jaw with my thumb, “Look at how much you want this.”

For maybe an hour it was just us making out, whispering dirty little things in each other’s ears, me telling her that this was okay, that us made sense, that we should just forget about being a cop and a criminal while we were at it.

“Seulgi,” I sighed into her ear while she was playing with my neck, “Do you want to run away with me?”

Seulgi paused, burying her face in the crook of my neck and I hugged her this time, somehow the hug hitting me harder than the passionate make-out we just had. “We could have that life, Seulgi. Your dream life- whatever you want, wherever you want. Just say the word.”

“What about work, and my friends-”

“It’s your choice, Seulgi. I won’t force you into this. I know you have a life here- however… boring it may be. We’ll have to stay low-profile for a good while and then, if you want, we can let your friends- only the close ones- know. They won’t recognize me anyway so it shouldn’t be a problem.”

Our cuffed hands were caressing each other as she thought, and I just melted into the hug because if she disagreed… it would be our last time being this close to each other.

“If I don’t agree?”

I sighed, kissing her head, “I’ll leave. Forever. I can’t have a forced relation- not with you.”

Her arm around my waist tightened.

“Then let’s run away.”

#red velvet #kang seulgi #seulgi x reader #seulgi #kang seulgi x reader #red velvet au #red velvet angst #red velvet smut #kang seulgi au #kang seulgi angst #seulgi angst #seulgi smut #red velvet scenarios #red velvet imagines #seulgi imagines #gg imagines #seulgi oneshot

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akaashisbabygirl · 3 years

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camboy part two

authors note: hehe i decided to leave you all on a cliffhanger once again. if you haven’t read part one i suggest you do so! i think my tags are working again so hopefully this can be seen in tags!! i’m sorry that i took forever to post this, i’ve been really busy :( now, if you would like a part three let me know!

words: 1840

pairings: camboy!akaashi x female!reader

warnings: NSFW, male vibrator use, female and male masturbation, mentions of sex toys, reader gets sad, akaashi gets sad, kinda angsty, leaves you on a cliffhanger

part one

“so...” akaashi’s voice spoke into the microphone sitting on the desk, “thank you all for your suggestions. i’m going to be taking them into consideration for my next video.”

he quickly turned off the microphone, stopping everything he was doing to check out the list of items people had suggested for him to use in his next stream.

a harness, blindfold, handcuffs?? he didn’t know how much that would work. he’d have to find a way to restrain himself without having to call someone else to do it for him. that would be tricky. some viewers even suggested he used some sex toys such as a vibrator because they wanted to see what akaashi would look like squirming and overstimulated. or some even suggested that he were to edge himself, not letting himself cum just yet. cat ears, a harness? the things people were suggesting to him made him really interested to see just how far they wanted him to go. maid outfit? he chuckled.

it would’ve been next to impossible for akaashi to hide all the clothing items from you, his roommate, the one person he has definite feelings for. he couldn’t just keep some women outfits in his closet - you would believe he has a girlfriend who you didn’t know about. and if you felt the same way about him, you would be upset with the fact that he never told you about being in a relationship.

he shivered to these thoughts. which is why akaashi kept the idea of just getting the simple items - cat ears, harness, a skirt, sex toys etc. at least he wouldn’t need to try and hide them from you.

if you had found akaashi’s secret sex toy stash on accident - he knew you would probably just brush it off, considering you know him and his hormones, and knowing he wasn’t taken by anyone, there really wasn’t anyone to fuck.

you see, akaashi isn’t the type of person who is interested in one night stands. yes, he had lost his virginity before his ex girlfriend, which he regrets very much. but now, akaashi was a grown man. he was out there looking for a relationship that he wanted to last for a long time, a relationship where he can properly love the person for more than just the sex.

a relationship that he wanted to build with you.

he left his room quickly as he heard the door shut, signalling that you were back home. he was excited to see you, yet, he hid his excitement from you.

“can you help me?” you asked, pouting softly. akaashi chuckled, grabbing some of the heavy bags from your hands, setting them down on the kitchen bench.

a soft pink blush spread across your face. he was so big compared to you, and you liked it. you felt so small next to akaashi, so tiny and adorable. and you know he liked that too - akaashi feels that he can be able to protect you because you’re smaller than him, but that’s just how he feels.

the next day, akaashi was out early to leave for work. the apartment felt cold and empty when you had woken up to the painful sight of the sun shining too brightly into your eyes. it would be one of those days which you had gotten used to overtime, where you would spend all day at home on your own, waiting for akaashi to walk back in through those doors once more. you waited, and waited, thinking of things to do could seem to make time move faster than it had previously.

by noon, you were sitting on your bed, laptop in your lap as you scrolled through your work, submitting it to your manager before he yelled at you. you sighed softly, in desperate need for a break. that’s when the idea popped into your head, to check if he had uploaded. seeing that he had, you smiled greatly. a smile of relief had sprouted over your soft cheeks. you slipped your sweatpants down, watching how the man sat on the screen, his cock already hard and noticeable in his boxers.

you almost drooled at the sight of his cock. it was pretty. if that was even a proper way to describe it. you watched as the man took his erect cock from his boxers, thinking about how it would fit inside of you. he was bigger than what you had seen and taken before, but he was the only man who made you drool to the thought of what it would be like inside of you. how your cunt would feel sucking him in, how he’d hit those spots inside of you that you could barely reach with your own fingers. you’d let him fuck you over and over again until you’d become dumb and unable to think properly, drooling all over the white bedsheets of your bed.

soft fingers rubbed your clit, tracing around your folds before finally slipping a finger into your wet hole. a hand clamped over your mouth quickly to try and surpass your moans as your hips bucked up for more friction. you chased after that one feeling that made you lose control every time, the feeling that had your legs shaking and eyes rolling to the back of your head. moans slipped forcefully from your lips, a wave of pleasure spreading quickly throughout your body from the feeling of your fingertips desperately trying to reach that one spot inside of you which always sent you over the edge.

however, what you didn’t know was that akaashi was in the apartment. his jaw had dropped quickly while hearing a moan slip from your lips. without having to look into a mirror to see his painful expression, akaashi could tell a tear had fallen down his cheek. he felt as if he was tied down to the ground by some invisible shackles, keeping him in place, forcing him to accept the reality that he did not want to accept. he didn’t want to stand there and listen to some guy fuck you, he didn’t want to hear you moan for that man, praise them and give them all your attention. selfishly, akaashi wished it were him.

slowly, akaashi made his way out of the apartment, locking the door behind him. he rushed to bokuto’s, planning to send you a message saying that he would be at work late. it was only because he was too scared to see you right now, akaashi was too afraid to see you. he didn’t want to see your fucked out expression. he didn’t want to see the man or whoever was making you feel this good.

and so he left.

when akaashi arrived home that night, he acted as if nothing had happened - and so did you. it made akaashi mad, knowing that he had clearly heard something going on in your bedroom earlier that day, but he didn’t want to sound like a jealous idiot and bring it up. which is why he chose to keep his feelings to himself as he sat beside you, watching the stupid rom com on the tv. he hated the fact that he felt as if his feelings were twisted into a tight knot that he couldn’t untie. there was so much love for you filling his heart that he could’ve sworn that at any minute his own heart would combust from the anxiety which danced around his mind.

akaashi knew that he needed to get a new video out, his fans were growing desperate and he was needing the money. he waited patiently until you had left the house, before locking the door to his room, changing up his setting to the camboy’s room.

time passed and quickly moans were spilling from his lips, his hips bucking up as his hands grasped desperately into the bedsheets. he chose today to incorporate a toy, a vibrator specifically, yet, he didn’t know that this much pleasure would spread through his body. he blushed from how he was moaning, he was so desperate, so subby even. he felt dirty, overstimulated from the way the toy was making him feel. his eyes rolled to the back of his head as another orgasm washed over him, his fucked out body falling to the sheets after taking the small toy away from his length.

he waited until his body filled with some energy before he got up from his spot on the bed, moving to turn his camera off. he quickly changed his sheets, accidentally forgetting to put his skirt away, before passing out underneath the sheets of his bed.

you smiled, seeing akaashi in his bed fast asleep. you could tell he was in a deep slumber from the way he clung to his bedsheets, not even moving a muscle. you adored the sleeping boy.

“he must’ve worked himself too hard today” you thought, knowing that akaashi never falls asleep unless he’s exhausted.

how you wished that you could go over to him and kiss his forehead, telling him to sleep well, or even that you could get into bed, wrapping your arms around him and falling asleep with his back to your chest. there’s so much you wanted to do, but akaashi wasn’t your boyfriend, so it wasn’t going to happen.

you grabbed your washing form the bathroom, a pale blue skirt catching your eye in the process. this wasn’t your skirt. who’s was it? your eyes widened and your jaw dropped, almost swearing that tears began to bombard your eyes as your mind came to realisation.

akaashi has a girlfriend.

you left the skirt there, pretending as if you had never seen it. however, the thoughts of akaashi being with someone else made you feel sick. soon enough, you were also curled up under the sheets of your bed.

days had passed, yet the thought of akaashi having a girlfriend didn’t leave your mind. you wondered what she was like. how pretty is she? how tall is she? what is her hair colour? what’s her style? or in general; what does she look like? you couldn’t find a part of your mind that wasn’t thinking about this as you made your way back to the apartment. you felt sick, almost anxious even being there. you felt scared, scared that you would run into the girl who had crushed your dreams of being with akaashi.

opening the front door to the apartment, you heard a loud cry coming from akaashi’s room. his door was slightly spread open, screams and moans coming from there. you didn’t care about the moans, why was akaashi screaming? rushing to his room, you shoved the door open.

but what you saw wasn’t what you expected.

“akaashi...” you noticed the familiar set up to the way the cam boy has. the bed, the walls, even the pretty skirts, some of the toys he’s brought out before sitting on the bed beside him, “what are you doing?”

#haikyuu #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu writing #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu!!#haikyuu scenarios #haikyuu x y/n #haikyuu x you #haikyū!!#haikyuu smut #akaashi smut #akaashi x reader #akaashi x y/n #akaashi x you #nsfw—🎟

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irrelevantsunarin · 3 years

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✨Plot Structure✨

Act I

Opening scene - Introduce your characters in their natural habitat. Show them in a situation that they are comfortable with/used to being in. (Try not to pack too many characters in all at once, two is plenty for the first scene.) Often, the opening scene/chapter ends with the inciting event or leads into it.

Inciting event - The event (or injection of information) that sets the stage for the rest of the story. This one thing makes everything that comes next possible. But the main character is not personally invested in the story yet.

Introduce antagonist - If your conflict involves a big reveal later in the story, it needs to at least be foreshadowed early on. We either need to know that something is wrong or be introduced to the character who will end up being the antagonist later on (and show that something is off about them.)

In the first Harry Potter book, we are introduced to Quirrel early in the book and he is a questionable character but we don't question it because Harry suspects Snape, so when it is revealed at the end, we are surprised but it still makes sense.

Key event - This is the event that changes things. It gives the main character a reason. They are now personally invested in the story, which leads to the next point...

First doorway of no return - If the key event is the reason, the first doorway of no return is the action that it causes. They make a decision and in doing so, allow a change to happen that they cannot undo. (In traditional fantasy, this is the moment that the character literally takes a step into a new world or reality and leave their home behind.)

In The Lord of the Rings: Frodo must leave the Shire

In Star Wars: Luke leaves Tatooine

In other types of fiction, however, it might look different.

In a relationship-driven story or romance: a character kisses their friend and in doing so cannot return to how their relationship was before, etc.

Act II

Intro to new world - Introduce the world that your characters have just entered into through the first doorway of no return.

The plan (1) - What is the current goal and what is their plan to achieve it?

Reminder of antagonistic force - Sometimes referred to as the first pinch point. Put your characters in danger, show that there is a threat. Even if not everything is revealed about the antagonist yet, the readers need to know that there are stakes.

Midpoint - Big juicy plot twist that changes everything. (Sometimes called the Mirror Moment because it often causes the main character to reflect on themself.) Change our perspective on the story.

The plan (2) - Reaction to the midpoint. What is the new plan now that they have had their revelation? Sometimes the midpoint changes the goal, if they have a new goal now, what is it?

Second reminder of antagonistic force - (Second pinch point) Up the stakes, the villain is still around, there is still something wrong and now they have to fix it faster. (They still don't have everything they need to win.)

Second doorway of no return - The event that pushes the characters into the final act. The step forward that ensures they will see the story to the end. Show their resolve.

Act III

The Plan (3) - The final plan. How do they intend to finish the story. (The plan is more for you, you don't need to list it in your story or anything, you just need to make the character have intentions)

Also, a rule I like to use whenever characters are plotting something (at any point in the story): if the plan is going to succeed, you shouldn't explain it. If it's going to go exactly the way they want it will feel repetitive to the reader.

Final battle - Storm the castle. The climax. Confront the antagonist. From this point on everything is going to happen fast.

Black moment - The 'all is lost' moment. It seems like there is no way for the story to be resolved.

Moment of hope - Something or someone provides the final push, either coming to the rescue or providing the character with the last piece of information that they need conclude the story.

In Star Wars: Han Solo appears at the moment that it seems that they will fail.

Resolution - Tie everything together. Make sure all your conflicts and subplots are resolved and that the ending is satisfying (and sends the message you want.)

If you intend to write a sequel you can introduce a new conflict at the very end (and you can leave subplots partially unresolved to carry on into the next story, just make sure it doesn't feel too unsatisfying)

This is just what I've found from studying the topic. So far it's the best way I've been able to understand. I hope you are able to find something useful from it.

#writing plot #writing #plot structure #book plotting #writing a novel

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gimme-mor · 3 years

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ACOTAR THINK PIECE: ELAIN AND THE CONCEPT OF CHOICE

*DISCLAIMER*

Please take the time to read this post in its entirety and truly reflect on the message I am trying to send before commenting. My goal is to use my background in Gender and Women’s Studies to deconstruct the behaviors and comments I have seen on Tumblr and Twitter, and, more importantly, bring awareness to the ACOTAR fandom. I WILL NOT tolerate anyone who tries to twist my words and say I am attacking people and their personal shipping preferences. In fact, I AM CRITIQUING THE ARGUMENTS THEMSELVES NOT THE PEOPLE USING THE ARGUMENTS.

As someone who has been a long time lurker on all sides of the ACOTAR fandom, the growing toxicity and hostility has become more apparent to the point that civil discourse is, for the most part, entirely lost. More times than not, the cause of the communication breakdown centers around Elain and the relationships she has with those around her. Before and after the release of ACOSF, I’ve noticed that when the fandom expresses its opinions about Elain and her development as a character, whether in a romantic light or generally, the conversation wholly hinges on the concept of choice. Common examples I’ve seen include:

Elain has been stripped of her choice for a majority of her life

Elain should be able to make her own choices

The King of Hybern took away Elain’s choice to be human when he had her tossed into the Cauldron

Elain did not choose the mating bond for herself, instead it was forced upon her

Elain feels pressured to choose Lucien

Elain should have the choice to stray away from what is expected of her

Elain and Azriel being together represents a different and stronger type of love because she’s choosing to be with him

If you ship Elucien, you’re not Pro-Elain because you’re taking away Elain’s right to choose who she wants to be with and forcing her to accept the mating bond

Elain chose to accept Azriel’s advances in the bonus chapter

When Rhysand called Azriel away after catching him and Elain together, Elain was stripped of her choice to be sexually intimate with Azriel

When Azriel and Rhysand are talking in the bonus chapter, Elain’s choices aren’t at the center of their conversation

If you suggest that Elain should leave the Night Court, you’re stripping Elain of her choice to remain with her family

If you suggest that Elain should be friends with someone else, you’re ignoring Elain’s choice to be friends with Nuala and Cerridwen

Why is the concept of choice exclusively tied to Elain and everything surrounding her character while simultaneously ignoring that other characters in the ACOTAR series have, to varying degrees, been stripped of their choices at some point in their lives? And why isn’t the concept of choice connected to these characters in the same way that it is connected to Elain? For example:

Did the High Lords strip Feyre of her choice to consent when they turned her into a High Fae?

Did Tamlin and Ianthe strip Feyre of her choice to consent when they started to control every aspect of her life in the Spring Court?

Was Vassa stripped of her choice when the other Mortal Queens sold her to Koschei, which resulted in her being cursed to turn into a firebird?

Was Feyre stripped of her choice to know the risks involved in the pregnancy?

Did the King of Hybern strip Nesta of her choice to be human when he had her tossed into the Cauldron?

Was everyone stripped of their choices under Amarantha’s rule?

Was Feyre stripped of her choice to just be a daughter and a sister when the Archeron family failed to contribute to their survival, which resulted in Feyre being the family’s sole provider?

Did Lucien’s family strip him and Jesminda of their choice to be together when they killed her because of her status as a Lesser Faerie?

Are Illyrian females stripped of their choice to consent when their wings are clipped?

Did the Hybern general strip Gwyn of her choice to consent?

Did Ianthe strip Lucien of his choice to consent?

Did Keir strip Mor of her choice to consent to her engagement to Eris?

Universally, femininity is synonymous with weakness and women often face discrimination because the patriarchy is part of an interactive system that perpetuates women’s oppression. Since the ACOTAR universe is set up to mirror a patriarchal society, it’s clear that the imbalance of power between males and females stems from sexism. The thing that sets Elain apart from other female characters in the ACOTAR series is the fact that SJM has portrayed Elain as a traditionally feminine character based on her actions and the ways in which Elain carries herself. Compared to them, Elain is inherently held to a different standard because her femalehood takes precedence over other aspects of her character in fandom discussions. These conversations indirectly place Elain on a pedestal and hail her as the epitome of traditional femininity; and when her character is criticized in any way, it’s seen as a direct attack against women, specifically women who are traditionally feminine. Also, these conversations fall back on Elain’s femaleness when analyzing her character since it can be assumed from a reader’s perspective that Elain, despite being the middle sibling, is coddled by those around her because her ultra-feminine nature is perceived as a sort of weakness in need of protection. However, the fact that the concept of choice is used as an argument to primarily focus on Elain’s femalehood highlights the narrow lens through which Elain, as a character, is viewed. It implies that Elain’s femaleness is all her character has to offer to the series overall and insinuates that Elain’s character development is dependent on her femaleness. To suggest, through the choice argument, that ACOTAR’s patriarchal society constrains Elain’s agency and prevents her from enacting her feminist right to choose while failing to examine the patriarchal structure of the ACOTAR universe and its impact on the female characters in the series, the choice argument ultimately falls apart because it shows that it’s only used to focus on Elain’s femalehood. Furthermore, the implication that Elain’s right to choose is, in itself, a feminist act in the series indicates that the concept of choice as an argument is used to promote choice feminism.

Feminism is a social movement that seeks to promote equality and equity to all genders, and feminists work toward eradicating gender disparities on a macro-level, in addition to challenging gender biases on a micro-level. Historically, feminism prioritized the voices of white women, specifically white women who were cisgender, able-bodied, affluent, educated, and heterosexual. But over the decades, the inclusion of women of color and other marginalized women’s voices has broadened the scope of feminism and caused it to take an intersectional approach when discussing social identities and the ways in which these identities result in overlapping systems of oppression and discrimination. On the other hand, choice feminism, a form of feminism, greatly differs from what feminism is aiming to accomplish. In the article “It’s Time to Move Past Choice Feminism”, Bhat states:

“Choice feminism can be understood as the idea that any action or decision that a woman takes inherently becomes a feminist act. Essentially, the decision becomes a feminist one because a woman chose it for herself. What could this look like? It could really be anything. Wearing makeup is a feminist act. Not wearing it is also a feminist act. Shaving or not shaving. Watching one TV show over another. Choosing a certain job over another. Listening to one artist over another. Picking a STEM career. Choosing to dress modestly or not. The list goes on. At first glance, there does not seem to be an apparent negative consequence of choice feminism. A woman’s power is within her choices, and those choices can line up with a feminist ideology. For example, a woman’s decision not to shave may be her response to Western beauty standards that are forced onto women. Not shaving may make her feel beautiful, comfortable, and powerful, and there is nothing wrong with that. Women making choices that make them feel good is not the issue. The issue lies in calling these decisions feminist ones. Choice feminism accompanies an amalgamation of problems‒the first being that this iteration of feminism operates on faulty assumptions about said choices. Liberal feminism neglects the different realities that exist for different women‒especially the difference between white women and women of color, transgender women and cis women, etc. Not all women have the same circumstance and access to choices, not all choices made by women are treated equally, and not all choices are inherently feminist” (https://www.34st.com/article/2021/01/feminism-choice-liberal-patriarchy-misogyny-bimbo-capitalism).

Just as white feminism ignores intersectionality and refuses to acknowledge the discriminations experienced by women of color, choice feminism and arguments supporting choice feminism have, by default, made the concept of choice exclusionary. The individualization of choice feminism glorifies the act of a woman making an individual choice and, by extension, gives the illusion that women’s liberation from gendered oppression can be achieved by enacting their rights to make personal, professional, and political choices. Herein lies the problem with choice feminism: it (the argument of “But it’s my choice!”) stifles feminist conversations from exploring the depths and intricacies of the decision making process because it’s used as a way to shut communication down entirely, shield arguments from criticism, and condemn those who criticize choice feminism for its disconnection from a larger feminist framework. Contrary to what choice feminism advocates for, it lulls the feminist movement into complacency because women’s individual choices do nothing to alleviate gendered oppression. Choice feminism’s leniency towards choice fails to address the limitations of choice in regards to women’s intersectional identities and enables society to shift the blame of women’s oppression away from the societal and institutional structures in place to women themselves for making the wrong choices that ultimately resulted in their circumstances. Choice is not always accessible to every woman. For instance, choices made by white women are, in some way, inaccessible to women of color, in the same way that choices made by cisgender women are inaccessible to transgender women. Choice is one of the founding concepts of the feminist movement and it “became a key part of feminist language and action as an integral aspect and rallying call within the fight for reproductive rights‒the right to choose whether or not we wanted to get pregnant and to choose what we wanted for our bodies and lives” (https://www.feministcurrent.com/2011/03/11/the-trouble-with-choosing-your-choice/). When choice, in a feminist context, is framed as something that is solely about the individual as opposed to the collective, the feminist foundation on which it stands “leads to an inflated sense of accomplishment while distracting from the collective action needed to produce real change that would have a lasting effect for the majority of women” (https://www.jacobinmag.com/2017/03/i-am-not-feminist-jessa-crispin-review/).

By linking the choice argument with choice feminist rhetoric and extreme acts of progressiveness, it plays into today’s negative understanding of a social justice warrior and normalizes fake wokeness. In its original conception, a social justice warrior was another way to refer to an activist and had a positive connotation; nowadays, the term carries a negative connotation and is:

“. . . a pejorative term for an individual who repeatedly and vehemently engages in arguments on social justice on the Internet, often in a shallow or not well-thought-out way, for the purpose of raising their own personal reputation. A social justice warrior, or SJW, does not necessarily strongly believe all that they say, or even care about the groups they are fighting on behalf of. They typically repeat points from whoever is the most popular blogger or commenter of the moment, hoping that they will ‘get SJ points’ and become popular in return. They are very sure to adopt stances that are ‘correct’ in their social circle” (https://fee.org/articles/how-the-term-social-justice-warrior-became-an-insult/).

Today’s perception of the term social justice warrior is directly tied to fake wokeness because both are performative in nature, fueled by the drive to be seen as progressive, and derail necessary conversations from taking place by prioritizing toxicity. According to the article titled, “Three signs of fake ‘wokeness’ and why they hurt activism”, it states:

“. . . social media did not create activism: it did, however, create a legion of hashtags and accounts dedicated to issues . . . Sadly, fake woke people will use these hashtags or create these accounts, see that as contributing to a cause, and just call it a day; these same people tend to shame those without the same level of interest or devotion to a given cause . . . Ironically, as open-minded as the fake woke claim to be, they struggle to deal with opposition. More often than not, those who fit the fake woke bill will ignore, misconstrue, or shutdown anything remotely opposing their stances . . . Now yes, human nature often leads us to possess a bias against that which contradicts our views, but human nature should not serve as an excuse for irrational behavior. Opposition to our stances on issues helps activists more than it harms: it allows them to look at the causes they champion from a perspective they possibly ignored before, further enlightening them. More importantly, by discovering information that may refute what they believe, they can find and eliminate any flaws in their reasoning and strengthen their arguments. Activism involves opening up to change, something one stuck in an echo chamber can never achieve” (https://nchschant.com/16684/opinions/three-signs-of-fake-wokeness-and-why-they-hurt-activism/).

Rather than critiquing ideas, thoughts, and theories about Elain and her character development with textual evidence, the concept of choice as an argument is used to silence opposing viewpoints. This is similar to choice feminism because the conversations start and end with the concept of choice, leaving no room for a critical analysis of Elain’s character. Although the concept of choice as an argument is intended to shed light on how ACOTAR’s patriarchal structure limits females’ agency to some degree, the fact that it’s only applied to Elain invalidates the point of the argument because it doesn’t include the experiences of other female characters when examining the impact of sexism in the ACOTAR universe. The failure to do so calls the intent of the choice argument into question. As it stands, the concept of choice as an argument frames Elucien shippers and those who are critical of Elain as woman haters, misogynists, and anti-feminists, especially if they identify as women. The belief that a woman is anti-feminist or a woman hater any time she dislikes another woman suggests that women have to be held to a different emotional standard than men. If men are able to dislike other individual men without their characters being compromised, why can’t women? Feminism and what it means to be a feminist do not require women to like every woman they encounter. One of the many things feminism hopes to accomplish is granting women the same emotional privileges afforded to men.

Terms like “oppression”, “the right to choose”, “feminist”, “feminism”, “anti-feminist”, “anti-feminism”, “internalized misogyny”, “misogyny”, “misogynist”, “sexist”, “sexism”, “racist”, “racism”, “classist”, “classism”, “discrimination”, and “patriarchy” are all used in specific ways to draw attention to the plight of marginalized people and challenge those who deny the existence of systems of oppression. Yet these words and their meanings can be twisted to attack, exclude, and invalidate people with differing opinions on any given topic. When social justice and feminist terms are thrown around antagonistically and carelessly to push a personal agenda, it becomes clear that these terms are being used to engage in disingenuous discourse and pursue personal validation rather than being used out of any deep-seated conviction to dismantle systemic oppression. The personal weaponization of social justice and feminist concepts is a gateway for people who oppose these movements to strip these terms of their credibility in order to delegitimize the societal and institutional impacts on marginalized people.

It’s important to question how an argument is framed and why it’s framed the way that it is to critically examine the intent behind that argument: is it used as a tool to push a personal agenda that reinforces dismissive, condescending, and problematic behaviors, or is it used as an opportunity to share, learn, enlighten, and educate? The concept of choice as an argument is extremely problematic because: it limits fruitful discussions about Elain within the fandom; enables arguments that oppose opinions about Elain and her narrative development to masquerade as progressive by pushing social justice and feminist language to their extremes; normalizes the vilification and condemnation of individuals who are either critical of a ship, Elain as a character, or prefer her with Lucien; encourages an in-group and out-group mentality with differing opinions about Elain’s development resulting in politically charged insults; exploits social justice and feminist terms; ignores that harm done on a micro-level is just as damaging as harm done on a macro-level; and cheapens Elain’s character and her development.

There is more to Elain than her being a female who is traditionally feminine. Elain has the potential to be as complex of a character as Feyre, Nesta, Rhysand, Lucien, Cassian, Azriel, Amren, and Mor, and to reduce her character to her femalehood in fandom discussions is a disservice to Elain as a character, the ACOTAR fandom, and SJM’s writing. So I ask this: is there a reason why the fandom heavily emphasizes the concept of choice when discussing Elain that goes beyond a simplistic analysis of her as a character (i.e. using the concept of choice as an argument to reinforce Elain’s femaleness), or is the concept of choice used as a shield to prop up one ship over another?

gimme-mor library

#elucien #elain archeron #acosf #acotar: fandom critical

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