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#is what gay and bi men used to use to disclose their sexuality in the 80s and 90s????

solarwynd · 4 months

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Some pjms are immature and let their own desires and assumptions overtake. A lot of them need to remember jimin is a grown man and not their friend. They create ideas of him based on their own interpretations and run with it. It starts with his career. Jimin is not a clueless person. Yes he can get screwed over and he has by his label during his solo era but he's not a child that has no idea what choices to make and he's not miserable. Some solos love playing managers or think they know better than him. Even the art cover for closer than this, which is usual hybe work they were ranting about it but how about letting jimin decide what he wants to do? Idk but I feel like out of all pjms nitpick so much while other solos just eat everything up. Of course we aren't a cult and we don't have to like everything but let's have boundaries and respect him. Also, people need to know the difference between art interpretation and a real person. Saying Jimin's art is queer coded or even interpreting things in that way to is one thing but it's another to make statements on his life using that. We don't know him and it's unfair to speak on someone's private life without their consent. I say this as a queer person. However one express themselves isn't a sign to state things for them. And no I'm not saying he's straight and I'm aware of the bisexual coding. But that still isn't enough for me to speak on the life of a man I don't know. And using the he can't come out argument for me also doesn't work because not everyone even wants to come out or even tries to. As a queer person myself maybe my expression shows in ways I'm queer because it happens for some and it doesn't for others so once again not denying anything but I'm not asking people to speak on it without my consent just because of the way I express myself. That's the thing consent is a big thing with things like this. I know people are curious and I'm not saying this to come at harmless queer fans. But it's not all of us and too many are overstepping and treating him like a fictional character. I'll say it's especially white queer fans and it reeks of racism and western centric ideas targeting East-asian men. And the confirmation bias is a big thing. If you look for something you will find it. Like jimin himself said in his doc filter wasn't about himself personally and just a concept while some were asserting it is to make statements about him personally. I wouldn't care if it wasn't becoming risky for him. Some of the things people were saying on Jimin's behalf regarding his sexuality and private life he never disclosed to us ahead of his enlistment were disappointing to see because it's all projection and some move like they want it to have negative repercussions for him in real life just to validate their ideas. Let me not get into the fetishizing and overly sexual lens with which all of his interactions with men are seen it's like they can't see jimin in a normal lens or let him have male friends or interactions without legit sexually harassing him over it. And I single out pjms because that's his solo fandom and I expect them to be better but this is heavily on armys/shippers too. I hope everyone takes a step back and stop being so invested in Jimin's life while he's enlisted. Because stanning should be a hobby. It's not trying to live through someone else's life. I forgot to add: there's so much biphobia it's awful to see. Because it's really both queer/gay and straight people never acknowledging bi people. It's not lost on me how people react at the idea of jimin being with a woman or even reinforcing mlm stereotypes on him based on his appearance. All because he's a pretty man. Anyways this ended up being too long but I hope for a fandom cleaning in these 18 months and for everyone to get in touch with reality. For everyone's sake and for Jimin's especially. He deserves better and respectful fans and I know he has to talent and potential to have a long and thriving career as a soloist-the best out of korea - when he comes back. I hope fans can support him the right way.

.💯

#like #🎯🎯🎯

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dearweirdme · 6 months

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when i sent the ask i knew the first thing you would bring up is their relationship with women. so, to answer your question, yes, i actively criticize ALL people who hyperanalyze their sexuality, whether they’re straight or queer is literally not our concern? but also, the taekook shippers are quite literally the most pervasive and most invasive in this entire fandom. but we’re not fans of their sexuality. we’re fans of them as artists. i’m not homophobic. i’m a literal queer, bisexual woman telling you as a queer person that this is super disrespectful. for ANY person. this goes beyond being “interested” in their personal lives. it’s so dehumanizing to have literal strangers deciding FOR you what your sexuality is. deciding FOR you if your friends are actually your friends. deciding FOR YOU that you can’t come out bc of a company when it’s possible that if any of them ARE QUEER they simply may not WANT to come out. why do you all feel entitled to pushing them to? why do y’all feel entitled to deciding what their sexuality is and deciding why their sexuality is and deciding what would be the result that makes THEM happy when y’all are not them?do you guys seriously not think it’s disrespectful? when did i EVER say them being straight was the default? in fact i never mentioned me thinking they were straight at all and simply said that analyzing their sexuality when they didn’t give ANY OF US consent to do so is unethical and dehumanizing no matter what way you look at it. you can try to say i’m homophobic. i truly don’t care bc i know that i personally really like woman and men equally. this isn’t at ALL about my sexuality or my outlook on people being queer. at what point did i ever state or insinuate that *I* think they’re straight or that *i* think something would be wrong if they were straight or queer? i’m literally saying that information is not only irrelevant but not for us to know or to force our way into knowing. i’m saying it’s inappropriate to speculate on their sexuality as a whole. straight. gay. bi. pan. or otherwise. it’s literally not our business and has NOTHING to do with being their fan. you’re talking about love yes but you’re also making grave assumptions about their relationships with other people and across the board these narratives impact real life people? like y’all are treating like they’re people only in the fantasy of the ship. i think this of all shippers who genuinely believe their ships to be reality and go around actively spreading information as if it were true when none of us know. and the answer to the apparent mystery about their sexuality has literally fuck all to do with liking bts. if you only like them bc of their sexuality then you don’t like them and this is a fetish. if your entire narrative around being their fan is convincing other people that they’re queer or straight or ANYTHING that they themselves didn’t disclose, you are not a fan. this is fetishizing.

Hi again anon!

I do apologize for thinking of you as homophobic, it’s just that usually asks like yours come from that side of fandom. I guess you just don’t like people talking about celebrities private lives in general, which I understand. It is however a huge part of being a fan for many many people, it is something that magazines rely on and make money of, it is something that companies and artists themselves lean into at times. For me, being a fan means that I care about their private lives as well.. I cannot really help it, it’s something that happens automatically. I think it happens for many people automatically in general. If that’s not your way of being a fan, that maybe you should refrain from looking at blogs like mine. I will not have you make me feel bad about caring about the members like that.

What I have seen is that even amongst queer persons there’s many opinions on how to talk about these things. I know I have many queer followers who do want to talk about this, I think their opinion is just as valuable as yours.

Again, I agree that many shippers take it too far.. I don’t personally think I am though.

#i also don’t only like them because of the ship #i was a bts fan before being a tkkr #fandom shenanigans #taekook

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life-on-the-dl · 10 months

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This is a blog that I want to use to explore and detail my experience as a man on the Down Low or “DL,” which is how I will refer to I from the is point. For someone not familiar with this I’ll cover some F.A.Qs so as they come up throughout this blog you can refer back to them.

What is on the DL, as copied from Wikipedia, Down-low is an African-American slang term specifically used within the African-American community that typically refers to a sexual subculture of Black men who usually identify as heterosexual but actively seek sexual encounters and relations with other men, practice gay cruising, and frequently adopt a specific hip-hop attire during these activities. They generally avoid disclosing their same-sex sexual activities, even if they have female sexual partner(s), they are married to a woman, or they are single. The term is also used to refer to a related sexual identity. Down-low has been viewed as "a type of impression management that some of the informants use to present themselves in a manner that is consistent with perceived norms about masculine attribute, attitudes, and behavior".

That is pretty much it though I don’t adopt a specific hip-hop attire and don’t know of anyone that does but that’s the gist of it. I have been on the DL since 1996 when I was a senior in high school, at least that is the timeframe of my first experience though I could argue that I really didn’t embrace that lifestyle till the 2000s when I decided that I wanted to have an encounter with a man. Truthfully I did not even know about being on the DL till well past my first few experiences, I stumbled across it and the definition of it related to me. Though at the time it was a strong belief of those not in that lifestyle that any man who participates in that is considered gay. This was a time where men starting to identify as bisexual but even those men were still categorized as being gay or just confused gay men. I did not want that label and felt like keeping my experiences secret was my best choice. I had considered myself bi-curious to give myself a definition of where I stood but kept that to myself or communicated that when seeking someone to have a shared experience with. On some level I do regret it because the caution I took in doing so kept me from fully embracing experiences. The internal struggle I faced after hookups delayed me from figuring out who I am while I denied who I was if that makes sense. When the majority of society is screaming this point of view that you don’t agree with you hesitate to be brave enough to step out of the societal norms out of fear of facing those labels and repercussions. I did not want my family or friends to know and feared what would happen if they found out, though my sexual life is no one’s business we all tend to make it ours as a society. Additionally, I will often talk about masculinity and femininity. The conflicts of sexual acts that are considered feminine but as a masculine man doing can confuse you. I think as a young man that was a difficult path to navigate but as a middle age man I can tell that one does not mean the other. I’ll try to limit my rambles in this blog, as much as I’m gonna share in hopes of being relatable to others like me, this is also therapeutic on some level for me as I continue to navigate that lifestyle. I hope you join me on the trip.

#down low #biseuxal #gay black #black bisexual #black top #black bottom #lgbtq

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adumpofdumbstuff · 3 months

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Something I think that’s likely gonna get raised is the whole Sherlock asexuality thing so lemme discuss that for a moment

Long post, not sorry. TLDR: Sherlock’s not asexual, he’s homosexual af.

As a Johnlock shipper, I am biased.

I’m also a victim of constant spoilers (mid Season 3 rn, I’ve been busy with life stuff and since they’re so long it can be hard to find the time between working on my debut EP, weekly therapy and social relationships) and I can say my interpretation of Sherlock’s sexual orientation confidently. I have read a little thing on Asexuality.org about why the person who wrote it thinks he’s not asexual. Person is question is also a Johnlock shipper and raised points on other adaptations of Sherlock and the original ACD books and I didn’t know this but ACD married John off to Mary OUT OF FEAR because this was the “homosexuality is illegal” time period and even then people thought knew Sherlock and John were in love. I can’t say ACD intended for Sherlock to be gay or John to be bisexual or whatever (John is definitely bisexual. I’m like ‘sure, you’re not gay. didn’t say he wasn’t bi’ also just THE WAY HE LOOKED AT SHERLOCK I FEEL WEAK) but the evidence was there from the start.

Sherlock isn’t really a sociopath either. He’s definitely autistic/Aspergian (the term is kinda dead though because Asperger was a Nazi or something idk my therapist still uses it) and as someone who is also autistic, I absolutely see this. I have social issues. I will avoid people I don’t like and I will eventually cling to the few people I trust without question (John’s that for Sherlock) to the point of obsession. And logical thinking. I do that too. I’m still nowhere near as smart as him, and I’m not as antisocial as him either. i think it might be worth noting that after i wrote that paragraph i mercilessly informed a classmate that i don’t want to attend her party because I don’t like her with no regard for her feelings before telling off some girls staring at a poster of the men’s swim team reminding them that the poster’s not a dating app. I am literally blonde american genderqueer bisexual not-as-smart teenage Sherlock.

Back to his sexuality.

It’s not a lack of interest in romance and sex. Hell, if you’ve read my posts you’d know I’m a hopeless (horny) romantic. I think for both of us it’s a lack of interest in being social with other people that still finds its way into being inconvenient due to occupations that involve interacting with other people (I don’t know if I’ve ever disclosed what I intend to do after college, but if I haven’t, I’m not gonna say it now, but it’s going to involve working with other people A LOT. And Sherlock’s a detective after all, you have to talk to other people for that). It’s a select few people. John, Molly, Mrs. Hudson, Irene for the time she was there.

And let me be clear; Irene was never with Sherlock in the source material and I’m very happy adaptations stay true to that (this is coming from someone who’s only seen BBC Sherlock and the RDJ movies). Irene intrigued him. He looked not on naked Irene in a sexually admiring way but still looked because he knew her measurements. And the RDJ movies, despite Mary being there for the whole time, pushed Johnlock wayyyy more than it pushed Adlock (apparently it’s Adlock). I applaud that. As for Sherlock being gay, us as the audience not being masters of deduction, people who suggested it in the show (Irene, Mrs. Hudson, Louise Mortimer, etc.) also not being masters of deduction yet we see it! We know it’s there and maybe Sherlock sees it. Maybe he doesn’t. It’s still there. It’s been pointed out that the way Sherlock looks at John IS THE SAME way Benedict Cumberbatch looked at Sophie Hunter in one photo, so… yeah. 🏳️‍🌈

The way I see Johnlock is more fluff than smut by a long shot, but that doesn’t make Sherlock asexual. A lot of relationships don’t have frequent sex. A good percent of people only have sex to have children, and that’s not just religious people either. I think they do do it, just not a lot.

Sherlock’s gay. There was nothing for Irene, Molly was one-sided, and… yeah. It’s always been John Watson, always will be. Thanks for reading.

#very long post #bbc sherlock #sherlock holmes #john watson #johnlock #essay #feels like that anyway #sherlock is gayyy #can’t change my mind #gay #gay gay homosexual gay #GAE #sorry lmao #autism #i’m not as smart as him but we are actually so similar #when i watched thob i felt my heart swell the moment sherlock’s autism was suggested #big ‘i knew it’ moment for me

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rantingcrocodile · 2 years

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literally why do so many people hate bisexuals (particularly bi women) and not only get away with, but have people encouraging and agreeing with such vile shit being said about us?? it's really starting to piss me off

I'm sure that this is supposed to be a vent, but I'll give a genuine answer.

It's a mix of a few things.

Primarily, it's down to us - particularly bisexual women - being reduced to literally nothing other than sex objects.

Straight women are seen as sex objects, but they're also mocked at and sneered at by men who deliberately take advantage of them emotionally, promising "I love yous" to get sex from them. Lesbians are erased unless they're pornified stereotypes for men to masturbate over, and then attacked with homophobic stereotypes about not being "real women" etc. Bisexual women, on the other hand, aren't even allowed to have emotions. We're reduced to sex-mad sex dolls that have no real attachments to anyone, so there's this harmful myth that we deliberately harm others, just so biphobes can feel good about abusing us.

After all, there's a reason that bisexual women are raped and beaten more than straight and lesbian women, and people don't take the rapes of bisexual women seriously. Men rape us because they think bisexuality is consent to sex at all times, even when we're screaming no. When we discuss that rape and sexual assault, then biphobes call that "manipulative," because they buy into the "bisexuals are sex dolls" narrative, too. Why else would someone disclosing something so personal, painful and traumatic be "manipulative" unless they don't believe that we have actual, human emotions?

It's because they've internalised the idea that we're blow up dolls that are obsessed with having sex. We're automatically sociopaths for being bisexual.

Then, mix that in with the ignorance surrounding oppression.

There are too many people that see, for example, a straight black woman and then a lesbian white woman and then panic because they don't know who is "more oppressed." They genuinely think that oppression is tiered and that one must always be worse than another in some kind of "oppression hierarchy," but it's much more complicated than that.

When I use "oppressors," I mean actual bigots or shorthand for "members of the oppressor class." When others use "oppressors," they mean the actual, individual people, all without knowing anything about them or what they've actually said or done, which is ridiculous.

To return to the earlier example: the hypothetical straight black woman is part of the straight oppressor class, but is also oppressed for being a black woman, while the hypothetical lesbian white woman is part of the white oppressor class, but is oppressed for being a lesbian woman. To claim that one is "more oppressed" than the other is offensive and damaging. The truth is that the two hypothetical women are both oppressed in different ways and do not experience oppression in another way. There is no competition there. It's perfectly good and normal for someone to focus on supporting one area of oppression, but turning that into a competition does nothing but tear the other woman down and doesn't solve anything.

So when you apply that to sexuality, too many people think that heterosexuals are the oppressors and homosexuals are the oppressed. What do you do with bisexuals? Considering others mostly can't wrap their heads around the fact that bisexuality is a unique, distinct sexuality, they're biphobic instead and pin us incorrectly as "half-straight-half-gay." That then means that they also pin us as "half-oppressor-half-oppressed" and then obsess over who we're dating.

(The problem with that is that the argument states that there's only sexuality-based oppression depending on relationship status, which implies that closeted/single gay men and lesbians aren't oppressed, which we all know is just a homophobic lie.)

Adding bisexuality into the heterosexual-homosexual oppressor vs oppressed dichotomy is offensive to the ignorant because they no longer have a clear idea of "who is more oppressed." Notice how every time biphobia is called out against a biphobic lesbian, the automatic defence is, "I'm not oppressing bisexuals"? They have to think of bisexuals as "oppressors" or as "less important" because if they recognise that we're oppressed too, then they have to share their spot at the top of the sexuality-based oppression pyramid. They've become so used to supporting both of our actual oppressors against us that they feel uncomfortable being challenged to examine their own bigotry and support for the oppressors that they hate.

In short: they would have to admit that they were bigoted and wrong, which would mean that they would have to apologise and do better. Bigots hate that and will always do their best to give excuses and refuse to accept their behaviours and beliefs are offensive.

It doesn't help that patriarchy is so ingrained that women will look for any other group of women to attack and abuse. Even in "feminist" spaces. (Note the amount of "handmaiden" comments towards women who have massive amounts of internalised misogyny despite so-called "feminists" knowing how deep and damaging the patriarchy is, as well as constant repetitions that women are denied class consciousness, for example.)

So when you have a group that doesn't fit into the ignorant idea of "oppression as competition" neatly and who aren't even seen as human, we're ripe to be chosen as a victim of other women's internalised misogyny and as a "safe place" to vent other personal issues, too.

We're not people to biphobes. We're machines. Not only that, but we're machines who only care about biphobia to weaponise against others to abuse them for the sex that we're obsessed with.

That's why they really do believe that we deserve all of it.

And then they have the audacity to pretend that biphobia doesn't even exist.

#crocodilian answers #biphobia

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rapdogmon · 2 years

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It's so hard to articulate exactly why it's so frustrating to watch people read Dream's entire post on reddit and still decide to label him as cishet.

This article, "I Am A Transwoman. I Am In The Closet. I Am Not Coming Out" (the author is now out since posting this article but it doesn't change how she felt when she first posted it), does a much better job at explaining the issues with just labeling a dude who says he's "unlabled" as cishet. Or devaluing his opinions and thoughts on things because he's supposedly "cishet". (The dude in question is Dream I am not misgendering a trans woman).

Why must someone disclose their entire identity in order to be taken seriously? Why is there this need to question and poke and prod at someone until they burst and spill out all the dirty little secrets and details of their life and bare all their wounds for us to see?

In Jennifer's (the author) article her experiences were largely rooted in the cissexism and transmisogyny of cis (white) women. There assumption that Jennifer was a cishet man led them to think that they had the right to devalue her thoughts and feelings. That their misandry towards her and men as a whole were acceptable and she couldn't argue against it because she didn't "get it".

Throughout the article Jennifer describes this hesitance and growing disdain towards the idea of coming out. She looks at how people have treated her without coming out and she asks her self if this is what the community will be like and she thinks to herself, "this isn't a safe place for me."

And it's hard to articulate how this relates to Dream because there's a lot of different reasons as to why. Much like Jennifer Dream doesn't feel a desire to "come out" or label his own identity. Why should he when he hasn't even fully comprehended it himself?

And then there's the many people who continue to call him straight even after he explicitly describes himself as being unlabeled. They prescribe this idea that sexuality is rigid and that after you label yourself once you can't unlabel yourself. You can't make discoveries later on in life that might change your entire viewpoint on your sexuality. No I've certainly never seen people who were bi realize they're lesbians/gay men and people who were lesbians/gay men later realize they're bi. No I've never seen people change through different genders and sexualities (sometimes in the course of months) because they're in the process of self-discovery. I've never been through that experience myself. (That's all sarcasm btw.)

And don't get me started on what I call "disclosure culture" itself and how harmful it is to the queer community (especially queer POC). This idea that in order to be a "true queer" or your "true self" you must disclose your entire identity. You have teens feeling like they NEED to come out to their family even when they know said family is bigoted. You have people who insist that it's problematic for queer people to not disclose their queerness. Closeted queer people dating other queer people and being told they have to come out or else they're making their partner feel like "secret" even if they might be disowned by their family. Trans people being pressured to disclose their transness at the risk of their own safety. People telling stealth queer people that they do not deserve a space within the queer community.

Essentially, all of this bullshit just ends up hurting other queer people. It translates in queer kids still trying to figure themselves out deciding that they don't belong in the community. It translates to queer people putting themselves in risky situations. It translate to people feeling the need to box themselves in order to avoid the scrutiny of others.

That's it. You don't get benefits when you shoot yourself in the foot you just get a bullet in your foot.

#dreamwastaken #i still wasn't really able to articulate my thoughts #its hard to explain yknow #i think jennifer's article is a great starting point #and i also feel like this is all very rambling #sadgez

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fandomfluffandfuck · 2 years

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Hey S! You mentioned being on the aro/ace spectrum and I just had some questions about how you navigate that while being involved in the BDSM/kink world. (This will probably be a bit long, so I apologize in advance)

I also identify as being somewhere on the aro-ace spectrum (I use demi since I feel pretty comfortable with that label and other people have heard of it more). My romantic and sexual attraction are almost always linked, meaning that (usually) I’m not really attracted to anyone sexually unless I’m attracted to them romantically. And I have to get to know someone really well to be attracted to them romantically in the first place.

I don’t know how you identify on the spectrum (and there’s no need to disclose that if you don’t feel comfortable), but I wonder if you have any advice, from your own experience or not, how to get involved with kink/BDSM more, and even just sexuality despite this. I’ve never had sex but I do have a healthy level of sexual desires and I just don’t know how to pursue my sexual interests without having a partner involved, thanks to the limitations of how I identify on the aro-ace spectrum.

I hope this wasn’t over sharing, and no pressure to respond if you don’t feel comfortable (obviously don’t want to force you to disclose any information that you don’t feel comfortable explaining/sharing)!

related to (part of) this

Hey! Nah, it's cool, I'm chill with long asks.

Yeah, before I answer some questions, I figured we'll get into just how much I fall on the spectrum, y’know? Like, I don't know if you saw/read this ask, if you didn't that's totally fine lol but, I'm gonna Plagiarize myself for a moment lol:

"Anyway, in my personal experience it's never been a specific label for me? I've believed myself to be straight, bi, pan, and ace. Now, I just say queer.

And, for the purpose of illustration, my best friend growing up is/was a cis woman who's bisexual. (She's romantically attracted to women, men, and nonbinary people, still she sticks with the label bisexual because it works for her. However, she's also asexual and completely sex repulsed. But in her experience and heart, bisexual is her label. It's what feels good to her.) And growing up with her as a best friend - among a bunch of other LGBTQ+ kids - made it so my sexuality wasn't ever weird? It really wasn't questioned in the most beautiful way.

I wish everyone had that experience, it took so much stress off of me, not worrying about my close peers judging my gay-ness. In fact, it didn't really occur to me how "unacceptable" queerness was until I came out to my parents. I had close friends that were both girls that dated in middle school. Everyone regularly discussed the girls they liked and the boys and it was never a Gay Crush or a Straight Crush. Just a crush. I was very lucky with my friends, the rest of the people around me not so much though haha.

So, yeah, it wasn't different and it didn't matter that while, yeah, I think girls are pretty and so are boys yet.... I'm not interested in any of them. Not right now. Maybe when I'm older (I always thought I'd finally hit my phase of being girl crazy and get the "love bug" (as they called it in middle school)... I didn't lmao).

It wasn't until mid-to-late high school that I experienced a crush lmao. My first girlfriend was in senior year of high school, my first kiss and first kinky experience was the same year. (I knew I was kinky prior though)

Before (and even at the time of senior year) I was dealing with so much internal shit, mental health wise, that it was almost like my brain blocked that part off. Subconsciously knowing I was not stable enough to handle a relationship- even one as flimsy as a high school relationship.

Still, I could count the amount of Real Life crushes that I've had on one hand. (Celebrity crushes are different to me lol.) Additionally, even today, of those crushes, I've never experienced the classic crush the way it's explained in media. No stuttering when speaking to them. No blushing. No butterflies or rapid heart rate.

My feelings, when I am interested in someone, are still different feeling from friends though. Just not the same way I hear typical people describe feelings for friends versus partners. Mine are more... muted? That's the only word I can think of at least.

So, technically, I exist on the aromatic spectrum.

And sort of opposite to what you're describing- I've got no muted feelings for sexuality. (Hopefully this isn't too TMI lol.) Sexual attraction wise I have a preference for women (romantically that's also my preference) but I find men and other types of people appealing too. So, technically, I'm pansexual. I don't feel a difference between gender and never have.

Although with sexuality I will say, vanilla sex doesn't hold any heat or draw for me. I call myself a kinkster a lot but, technically, I'd more be a fetishist because kink is kind of something I need to get there 😏

It's not that I'm sticking my nose up at vanilla sex, I just don't see the appeal when I could have more Spice™️. The only thing I see, in theory, changing that is a strong emotional connection between me and someone who wants softer sex. But... that might be challenging, being on the aro spectrum and finding it hard to fall in love or just difficult to crush lol.

So, comprehensively, queer is my label because it's what feels the best and feels like it doesn't limit me in any way. Plus, secondly to my own feelings on it (which should come first), it's the easiest way to explain myself to other people."

So... basically that's the long way of staying: I'm more on the aro spectrum than the ace spectrum. I don't feel romantic attraction often and it's more muted when I do. I feel sexual attraction more commonly, almost normally, but... I also know it's not fully the "normal" amount/attraction toward "normal" sexual activities as allosexual people would.

Anyway -

Mmm yeah, I've played with the label demi too but I don't think it's me. I totally get that concept though, even if it's not how my personal feelings work, y’know? I'm happy that you have a label you can identify as, hey, that's me! And, hey, there are other people like me out there! That's always nice.

And, oof, yeah that's a really hard question to answer and unfortunately the only advice I can really give you is the same as just getting involved in the kink community like anyone would. Find what's out there in your community. Go to munches, events, bars (if there are specific bars in your area or nights at bars (usually bigger cities have those somewhere)), etc. For you particularly though, I wouldn't recommend going to play parties where sex/scenes are happening until you have a more established base in the kink community. Partly because there's not much communication happening, just a lot of hooking up lol. Unless you feel comfy just watching, declining anyone who asks you to participate, I'd wait to do that. Just to tread lightly y’know? But you know yourself better than anyone else so... do what you like.

As far as not having a partner (I'm assuming partner as in dating boyfriend/girlfriend/nbfriend), that's really hard too.... I mean, you don't need to have a romantic and sexual partner to engage in scenes lol, that's what trusted kinky friends are for.

Although- perhaps you do need a partner, it depends on your attraction with friends and your boundaries.

Other than that, I would also suggest bringing a friend you have already (if you know anyone who's curious about kinky shit lol), or going to those events in order to establish new friends. In my experience, most of the kinksters I've met do relationships backward- they don't do romance first or date first and instead hook up first and have scenes then slowly fall in love lol. But! That doesn't mean all of them are like that. Plenty will be happy to establish a connection with you and see what happens after the groundwork is laid. Just make sure you're up-front with the fact that you're demi so everyone is on the same page!

Also- the people you will be meeting already are a part of marginalized society, out of the norm, so, in theory, they should be emphatic to your experience as well as what you do or do not concent to.

I don't know if any of that helped or made sense but... hopefully it did! Basically, you know what you need, try to socialize in the way you're comfortable with and see where it takes you.

P.S. if you want further proof that you're not alone, Amp from Watts The Safeword [an online content creation body with Amp and his Daddy] is very kinky and also demi! I highly recommend the content that is made there too, educational and entertaining.

I wish you well on your kinky journey sweetheart 😘

#asks #im just a random fandom girl #not fandom #personal #thoughts #k!nk discourse

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hellomynameisbisexual · 3 years

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Tackling Biphobia

This page provides information for criminal justice and other safety services, including police, councils, charities and the Crown Prosecution Service (CPS) on addressing biphobic hate crime. Bisexual people can face prejudice and hate crime, which service providers have a duty to tackle. The information below aims to assist services understanding and serving the needs of bisexual people who experience hate crime.

Recognise Biphobia

Biphobia is a prejudicial attitude toward bisexual people based on negative stereotypes. It can include believing that bisexual people are:

• Deceitful, dangerous or perverse

• Greedy, promiscuous or exotic

• Confused, indecisive or ‘going through a phase’

• Spreaders of disease or damage lesbian and gay rights

Recognise the gap

Services are increasingly familiar with hate crime against lesbian and gay people, but bisexual people have their own distinct needs, which can be overlooked or underplayed. Build your knowledge, policies and systems to tackle this important issue.

Biphobia exists

When asked how many biphobic hate crimes they have come across, most police officers would say zero. However, many officers will have dealt with one without realising. This is partly because bisexual people themselves sometimes struggle to label experiences as hate crime, do not disclose their identity, or are assumed to be another sexuality. Additionally biphobia is often not well understood or recorded by services. Instead of assuming biphobia does not exist, acknowledge that it happens but that under-reporting makes it difficult to see.

What is Biphobic hate crime?

Any offence should be treated as a biphobic hate crime if the person who experienced it or anyone else feels it was an expression of biphobia. Biphobic hate crime can include verbal abuse and violence from neighbours or strangers. Because people’s bisexual identity is not always visible to strangers, biphobic abuse can often be concentrated in settings where the targeted person and perpetrator know each other. That can include verbal abuse or unwanted sexual touching from acquaintances and biphobic domestic abuse from family or partners. These crimes are less easy to recognise but it is equally important to record and address them in a manner that addresses their motivation of hostility. To qualify to be recorded as a hate incident, a report needn’t include biphobic language. It is enough for a reporting person to perceive that it was motivated by anti-bisexual prejudice.

Record Biphobic incidents

Below the level of criminal offences, people can face prejudicial comments about their identity. Police forces, councils and charities can record these as non-criminal hate incidents. It is especially important to utilise this to record biphobic hate incidents because prejudicial and offensive but non-criminal abuse makes up the bulk of some bisexual peoples negative experiences.

Tackle biphobia within LGBT communities

Bisexual people can face prejudice from lesbian and gay people, such as being refused entry to LGBT spaces or inappropriate treatment by LGBT services. Lesbians and gay men working as service providers can also sometimes oppose bisexual inclusion. This means bisexual people sometimes feel pressured to pass as gay or lesbian to avoid biphobia when accessing an LGBT related service. Those who do come out can face inappropriate assumptions, questions, stereotyping. It is therefore important for LGBT services to do specific work toward understanding and welcoming this large section of their community.

Bisexual people face homophobia

Homophobia is not an intolerance of gay and lesbian people, but of people attracted to people of the same gender. Therefore many bisexual people can regularly face it in addition to biphobia. That means someone reporting homophobic abuse is equally likely to be bisexual as gay or lesbian. Someone could also identify as heterosexual but receive homophobic or biphobic hostility. Sometimes there can be uncertainty over whether an apparently homophobic word or action was being used in an anti-bisexual way. Determining how it should be recorded should be done together with the service user.

Make a positive impact

For every biphobic incident or crime someone tells you about there will be many more unreported. Help people feel that telling you was worthwhile. An important but under-utilised way of doing that is by referral to bisexual and LGBT support, advice, advocacy and social groups. Though some people are able to get criminal justice outcomes, many do not. Enable people to consider a range of options including help from police, discrimination law, restorative justice, emotional support, or assistance complaining about biphobic attitudes from a provider of goods or services.

Bisexual people are diverse

Many people face hostility that they feel had multiple types of motivation, for instance both biphobic and racist. They are entitled to ask police and other safety services to record it under several hate incident categories. Ask open questions about motivation and support service users in determining their own account of events. Also, bear in mind that a crime or incident may have more than one hate motivation.

Be led by perception

It is the right of anyone reporting hostility to ask safety services to record something as biphobic. That is because police guidance states that any crime or non-criminal incident should be recorded as motivated by sexual orientation hatred (including biphobia and homophobia) if the person reporting it feels it was motivated that way. Though courts need evidence to record a hate crime, police and other services do not need proof to record an incident or crime as biphobic and/or other hostility.

Create a safe environment

Many bisexual people feel pressured to pass as straight or gay when talking to services. Some people believe that bisexual people who are not in open same sex relationships are lucky being able to pass as straight, but feeling pressured to keep your identity secret is stressful. It also prevents people from disclosing important information about incidents. Make efforts to enable service users to feel safe disclosing issues related to their identity.

Speak out

Demonstrate that you take biphobia seriously by speaking out against it. Explicitly name biphobia in promotional material. Leave bisexual inclusive literature and posters in public spaces. Invite a speaker from a local group to a team meeting. Send bisexual inclusion resources to colleagues. Challenge biphobic attitudes where you see them. Mark Bi Visibility Day on 23rd September. Include bisexual people in case studies. Invite bisexual speakers when organising events.

Change recording systems

Criminal law recognises hate crime motivated by sexual orientation, which includes biphobia and homophobia. However, most organisations only have one recording category to record both, which they normally label as ‘homophobic hate crime’. Ideally, recording systems should have a separate category for each, but failing that, ensure any biphobic motivation is specifically named on the narrative incident record.

Recognise bisexual diversity

People’s sexual identity does not always fit into a neat box. Under the bisexual umbrella you find people who feel a strong tie to bisexual communities and others who do not. Some people are polyamorous (have relationships with multiple consenting people), while others are in monogamous relationships. You also find pansexual people (gender doesn’t determine who they are attracted to) and people have a fluid attitude toward gender. Whatever terms someone uses about themselves, try to be flexible in understanding it.

Avoid assumptions

Ask open questions about service users identity and the gender of partners. Ask open questions about whether they felt there was any kind of prejudice motivating an incident. Do not presume that everyone who reports homophobia is gay or that everyone in a mixed sex relationship is straight. Be open to the possibility of an incident being biphobic, even if a service user has not identified themselves as bisexual.

Mind your language

Avoid slipping into language that can exclude people. Do not use the word ‘gay’ to refer to all LGBT people and issues. Refer to same sex relationships instead of gay relationships. Talk about mixed sex relationships instead of straight relationships. It is fine to talk about homophobia in specific cases, but when talking about LGBT communities as a whole, mention biphobia alongside homophobia and transphobia.

Reach out

Find out about local, regional or national bisexual groups and events. Start dialogue with bisexual communities to find out about their experiences and needs, while acknowledging that they are underresourced and have little capacity. Consult them on changes to your service. Ask for their expertise and support their work in exchange. Promote opportunities to get involved in your structures, such as independent advisory groups and management committees.

Create change internally

Aim to make bisexual people feel welcomed and accepted. Acknowledge that they have different needs to gay, lesbian and heterosexual people. Look into finding a way to officially record biphobic hate crimes and incidents. Get specific training on bisexual issues and needs. Ask questions about how your and other organisations are meeting their equality and human rights duties for bisexual people. Ask inclusive questions on forms. Ask a bisexual community group for their opinion about the accessibility of your service.

Be a good employer

Being a bisexual-positive employer is a legal duty, but also sends a message that you are serious about building inclusive services. Start by acknowledging that lack of inclusion of bisexual staff may be an issue. Work toward creating an environment where people can feel safe being out. Explicitly cover biphobic attitudes and behaviour within policies. Encourage LGBT staff and service user networks to provide a safe space for bisexual people.

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kittybellestark · 3 years

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Straightening Things Out

Part 2

Hey everyone so this is going to be a two part fic, tumblr told me I hit my limit soooo.

This is the long awaiting MayxSkip with Bi!Peter fic I’ve been talking about, idk how long a 2nd part will take but I already have a bit written, which is super nice. Uh, yeah, this is heavy stuff, so prepare your hearts, bc mine hurts

TW: homophobia, depression, self harm, homophobic slurs, eating disorder (?), abuse, sexual assault, thoughts of suicide, questioning sexuality, alcohol

He’s not sure how he got here.

Well, he knows, but he just doesn’t understand it.

A year ago Peter was trying to get May with Happy. It seemed logical and safe. May wanted to get back into the dating pool, and while Peter was hesitant about the idea of May being with anyone other than Ben, he felt like Happy could be a good person for her to be with. That was safe, controlled even.

Pushing for May to be with Happy seemed like the right step. Supporting May in her decision to start seeing people again also make sense. Now, Peter regrets it. He should have told her no. That he wasn’t ready or comfortable with that.

He doesn’t understand why he’s in the bathroom cleaning up his own blood. He didn’t even go out as Spider-Man. Peter hates May’s new boyfriend.

Skip wasn’t safe. He wasn’t very kind either. And there was just something about him bothered Peter. And yet when Peter tried to talk to May about it, the complaints weren’t heard or taken seriously.

May doesn’t understand that Skip is a danger, and Peter can’t really talk to people about this.

Six months ago…

“Hey Happy.” Peter smiles jumping into the black ‘inconspicuous’ Audi.

“Hi Pete.”

After a few minutes of talking the conversation finally turns.

“How’s your aunt.”

Peter snorts, rolling his eyes. “She thinks she’s doing great. Still with Skip, he lives with us now. May isn’t very happy that Skip and I aren’t getting along too well though. She thinks that I have a problem with seeing her with other men, amongst other things.”

“Sounds like you don’t like him. I didn’t even think that was possible, you’re like a lab.” Happy chuckled.

“I resent that. I don’t like a lot of people who I don’t need to disclose to you. I was just expecting her to get with someone else, someone who was less I don’t know, just less.”

“You and me both kid. You and me both.”

Five and a half months ago…

Peter and May were making dinner together, the radio was playing softly and Skip was sitting in the dining room, beer in hand, listening to Peter and May’s conversation.

“How was school, baby?” May asked.

Peter hums as he chops some carrots. “There’s a new transfer at school. From Tennessee, he even lives with Mr. Stark.”

May pauses mixing the stir fry they were attempting to make. She smiles at Peter an eyebrow raised, waving the spatula at him.

“Is he cute?” She asked in a song-song voice.

Peter rolls his eyes with a smile. He sticks out his tongue, flicking some water at May. Skip watches with a smirk on his face.

“Yeah, yeah he’s really cute. Blond hair, blue eyes, southern charm and he’s so smart too. And tall. May, he’s also like muscular too, his arms? He used to work in a mechanic shop where he grew up, he could probably bench press me without breaking a sweat.”

“Sounds like you have a crush!” May squealed pulling Peter into a hug.

“You have a crush on a man? Are you gay?” Skip huffed with a laugh.

“Bisexual, actually.” Peter deadpanned. “Is that a problem?”

“No, no, not at all. Just surprised.” Skip laughed.

Five months ago...

May was at work, it was just Peter and Skip at home. Peter was in his room, the door was closed over, and Skip in the living room watching a sports game and drinking some beer.

While this wasn’t the most common occurrence, it wasn’t necessarily uncommon either. Peter would stay in his room and do homework or play some sort of online video game with Ned, Harley and MJ, typically Minecraft but sometimes they chose something else. Skip would watch sports or the news, but never a reliable source, always the Daily Bugle or Fox News.

Today was supposed to be like every other time. Peter was supposed to be in his room and Skip in the living room. But then Skip was in his room with him. Peter felt uneasy. It just didn’t sit right with him having the older man in his room.

“I think we need to talk, Pete.” Skip said sitting on Peter’s bed, while Peter stayed sitting at his desk.

“Sure, what about?” Peter tried to sound pleasant and kind, doing this for May.

“Well, I’ve been trying to broach this subject with you gently, but May and I have spoken about how we can cure you.”

Skip had the decency to look somber. His shoulders hunched forward, frowning. His eyes held remorse and regret. It only seemed to enrage Peter.

“Cure me? As far as I was concerned I was perfectly healthy.” Peter couldn’t help but snort.

“Of your sin, Peter. You like men, and we know that we have to cure you of it.”

It felt like all of the air had been taken out of his lungs. His heart stopped and the world blurred for a moment before Peter shook himself out of it. He pushed himself up out of his chair trying to back himself up, away from Skip. This wasn’t right. This was really wrong.

“May accepts me. She said so. She’s always supported me and accepted that I’m bi.”

“She didn’t know how to tell you she didn’t. She was crying quite a bit. May just didn’t know how to tell you. So she asked me to help fix you.”

Skip got up from the bed, walking over to Peter, trapping Peter in. Skip put an arm on each side of Peter’s body, resting his hands on the wall behind Peter. Peter felt trapped, his eyes wide as he looked around unsure of what he could do. May and Skip thought he was sick.

“She can’t-“ Peter cried, tears coming to his eyes. He didn’t want to accept it. This couldn’t be happening.

Skip put a hand on his shoulder.

“She does, Einstein, but it’s okay because I’ll fix you.”

Peter sat at their usual lunch table, Ned next to him, MJ, kiddie-corner to him and Harley across from him. His leg was bouncing as they all ate, but he couldn’t do more then push his food around his tray.

“There’s nothing wrong with me being bisexual right? Like, I’m still normal, I’m not sick or anything for liking more than just women right?”

It used to be old-hat for MJ and Ned to have to reassure Peter that being bisexual is okay. It was just last year that Peter finally started to feel secure in his sexuality and not question whether he was normal or not. It just always felt like Peter was faking his attraction to other genders.

The group became silent with shock. None of them were prepared for Peter to have any insecurities about his sexuality, and it certainly wasn’t something that Harley was there to witness. It had been such a long time since he voiced this doubt. Ned and MJ gave each other looks, while Harley sat there starring at Peter slack-jawed.

“Sorry. I’ve just been in my own head recently. Bisexuality is valid and so am I. I know, I’m sorry, I just- what if I’ve been lying to myself this whole time? I’m sorry, I know I’m being silly.”

There was another moment of silence before Harley grabbed Peter’s hand.

“It’s not silly to question you’re own sexuality, Peter. Being bisexual is hard because people always try to invalidate you and tell you to just choose. It’s okay to be confused. Prefaces change from day to day and it is so confusing sometimes. We’re your people, we’re here for you no matter how you identify.” Harley smiled, something sad and soft.

Four and a half months ago...

Peter was trying to sleep. It wasn’t coming easily anymore. Skip and May were in the next room over. He should be able to sleep. But nothing felt right. Everything was always off, never normal, almost safe. It didn’t feel good.

There was the sound of footsteps in the hall before Peter’s door opened and closed. Peter tried to pretend to sleep, but the footsteps came closer to him then Skip’s hand was on his shoulder.

“Hey Einstein. I’ve got something for you.” Skip whispered, getting Peter��s eyes to open.

Peter pushed himself up and into the top corner of his bed, knees drawn to his chest. He really hated Skip. Hated his deep voice and pointy chin and crooked nose. He hated Skip’s receding hairline and beer belly. Peter hated Skip and everything about him. But mostly Peter hated that Skip and May knew there was something wrong with him.

Skip dropped some razors onto the bed. All loose and brand new. Peter looked at Skip like he was crazy. It was too late at night to register this.

“May and I were talking again. Anytime you have a sinful thought, any homosexual thoughts or desires just give yourself a cut. Obviously don’t do it in front of anyone other than me, but this should help bleed the faggot out of you.”

Peter gasped, eyes wide and shaking his head. He didn’t want to do this. Cutting himself was not something Peter ever wanted to start doing again. He got away from it, he recovered, and now the blades are being provided to him. Peter is being expected to cut this time.

“I can’t do that. Anything but that Skip, please.”

Peter didn’t realize the tears that were pouring down his face, or how hard it was to breath. If it wasn’t for Skip wiping the tears from Peter’s face, he probably wouldn’t have noticed.

“Hey, no, no it’s okay, Einstein, it’s not as bad as it seems okay, look,” Skip took Peter’s wrist slicing it a few times, just enough to bring up blood up before handing the razor to Peter, “See? Nice and easy. Now I’m not going to leave until I see you try okay?”

Peter nodded, bringing the razor down on his skin and breathing a sigh of release as he broke his own skin.

Tony dropped food in front of Peter, two burgers and fries, before sitting down beside him. They were finally watching a movie after spending time in the lab and now Harley would be joining them too.

“Kid, we’ve talked about your eating habits. You need to eat more than a regular person. I don’t like seeing you lose weight this fast. I just like to see you happy and healthy.”

Peter knew he should say something. The razor in his pocket wasn’t normal and he should tell Tony. And his need to cut every time he thought about Harley, or the need to cut when he realized he was playing into Skips hands. But Peter didn’t want to lose his little therapeutic treatment again. He could do better at hiding it this time, especially with his healing factor now. Peter could keep this.

It’s his little secret with Skip. Peter could keep it safe. It made him feel better, and that’s what everyone wants, right?

“Oh yeah, sorry, I’ve just had a smaller appetite recently, I’ll do better, promise.” Peter nodded with a smile.

At that moment Harley walked into the room, giving Peter a crooked smile, a blush painted across his cheeks.

Peter would have to cut later, for thinking about Harley like that, and for doing what Skip told him and also for scarring Tony. Peter deserved this.

Four months ago…

Peter and Skip were alone together again.

It seemed to become more common now. Or maybe Peter was just getting used to having Skip try and cure him. He hated himself for wanting it to work. Peter just didn’t like himself much anymore.

“Einstein,” Skip slurred, “are you still a faggot?”

Peter flushed with shame, nodding. Peter really hated Skip for making him feel like this. For feeling shame for being bisexual and wishing he were straight. Peter hated himself a lot. He just wanted to be better.

“Shame, thought I’d have you straightened out by now. May is going to be disappointed to know you’re still a homo. I’ll have to start getting more aggressive with your treatments.”

Peter shook his head. He was already so tired, and he just wanted to feel safe in his home. He just needed to do what Skip and May wanted and then they’ll like him. All Peter needed to do was be straight, no matter what. He’s doing the right thing.

“How much more?” Peter’s voice cracked.

“As much as it takes to turn you straight.” Skip smiled.

He now gripped Peter’s face in both hands, thumbs on his cheeks. Skip used the hold he had on Peter to bring him towards the bathroom doorframe- the only metal frame in the house.

Peter didn’t fight. He was doing this for May. May wants him straight and wants Skip to do it. Peter scratched at his legs, where most of the cuts were, hoping that would convince Skip from stopping whatever he was doing. But it didn’t, of course it didn’t. Why would it convince Skip, when he’s only doing what’s best for better?

With his hold on Peter’s head, Skip jerked Peter’s head into the doorframe, with enough force to make Peter forget how to stand. Peter was only being held up by Skip's grip on his head when Skip lifted up his knee, forcing it into Peter’s stomach.

Peter groaned with the impact and Skip let him go and Peter fell to the ground. He barely managed to catch himself, resting his forehead on the cool floor. There was barely a moment before an on slate of kicks were delivered to Peter.

“No,” Peter sobbed, “stop, please, stop, stop, you’re hurting me.”

It was another few moments before Skip stopped kicking him with a huff. Skip sat down on the ground, putting a hand on Peter’s shoulder to comfort the boy. Peter continued to sob, barely able to support his own weight to get himself sitting.

“Einstein, I just want you to know that I don’t like doing this. I don’t want to do this, but May and I agreed that I have to do this. I’m sorry Einstein, but it’s for your own good.”

Skip pulled Peter onto his lap, rubbing Peter’s back to bring him some comfort. Peter relaxed into Skip’s hold when he realized that there wasn’t going to be more pain. They sat there for a while before Skip finally stood up, as Peter’s sobs were finally ending, bringing Peter to his room and tucking Peter into bed.

“Peter I’m worried about you.” MJ said after Academic Decathlon practice.

Peter was wide eyed, holding his book bag in front of him, using it as a shield. His clothing that used to only be a little bit large on him, now swallowed him completely, his cheekbones were sharper and anytime his sweater moved a little bit, his collar bone was revealed to be protruding from his chest. Peter flinched at people who moved too fast and his skin was pale with dark bags under his eyes.

“I’m okay MJ.” Peter smiled, but his eyes were still empty.

“Are you cutting again? You’re acting like you used too. I don’t like seeing you lose your spark.”

MJ moved forward, grabbing Peter’s hands in her own. His hands were cold against hers and shaking slightly. Her head tilted just a bit as she searched for answers on Peter’s face.

“I’m not- no, I moved past that.” Peter lied.

He couldn’t tell her. He needed to cut. He needed the freedom it gave him, the relief. It was one of the only things he had anymore that he still enjoyed. By telling MJ, Peter would lose his sanity. Everything would be okay as long as he had a razor on him, as long as he got to cut his skin open.

But he should tell her. Maybe that would get everything to end. If he just told someone, maybe Skip would stop hurting him. Or maybe they’d push for Skip to continue on with trying to cure him. This was for the best, after all.

“Peter, you’re one of my best friends, okay? So if you were cutting again, hypothetically speaking, know that you can come to me, I won’t tell anyone. Not even May or my parents.”

Peter nodded, looking away from her, hating himself for lying and hating that MJ was trying so hard. It would have been so much easier if he just liked MJ instead of Harley.

“Look, look, MJ, see no cuts,” Peter rolled up his sleeves to show healed skin and no scars, “I promise, I’m just a little stressed out right now, don’t worry about me. I’m just focusing on myself for now, I’ll be okay.”

“Okay, well, when is the last time you ate?”

“Right before practice.”

It felt nice for Peter to actually tell the truth. He was eating almost as much as usual. Typically the same amount unless he had time alone with Skip. Peter was just stressed and sometimes couldn’t keep his food down, but he still ate more than enough. He should be able to keep up his weight, the weight loss just sort of happened.

Three and a half months ago…

May was working the overnight shift again. It was a school night so Peter was at the apartment with Skip instead of the Tower like he would be on weekends.

Peter was finally sleeping, well actually he was passed out from exhaustion, but it was still a sort of sleep, technically. Somewhere between Skip moving in and their ever-more-frequent talks “chats,” Peter started to lose sleep. He would stay awake later, slit his wrists longer, and on top of that the surprise beatings from Skip were really taking an affect on Peter. All except the desired affect.

Peter was still bisexual. He didn’t want to be bisexual anymore. He just wanted to be normal, straight. Liking men was wrong, Peter was wrong. May and Skip just wanted what was best for Peter. And this was what was best. Skip was just helping Peter. He was straightening Peter out. This was just want needed to be done.

Skip stumbled into Peter’s room. He saw that Peter was tucked in under his blankets deep in sleep and Skip couldn’t help but climbing into the bed too. He pulled the teen into his body, breathing in how Peter smells, nuzzling his nose behind Peter’s ear.

Peter woke up trapped in Skips arms. He panicked trying to get out, it was just like The Vulture dropping a building on him again. But this time it wasn’t concrete but instead a man. A man who was supposed to be in love with his aunt.

“Skip.” Peter whined trying to wriggle free.

The older man moaned, moving a hand down to feel Peter’s length.

“I didn’t realize that you’d rub off on me. You’re trying to turn me into a homo. Einstein, you’re rejecting your treatment and trying to change me instead, and I don’t tolerate this very much.”

Peter shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut. His whole body shook with nerves, and he thought he was going to vibrate out of his body.

“Skip, I promise I’m taking this seriously. I should be straight, I want to be straight. Just like you Skip, I’m trying really hard to be straight. I promise, I don’t want to be a disappointment to you or May anymore.”

The older man laughed, holding onto Peter tighter. He ground his hips further into the teen, making Peter whine and squirm more trying to break free.

“Einstein,” Skip moaned, “You’re ass, I swear it’s a woman’s. Your such a fairy, Einstein. I could just imagine you as a woman, you’re hair at your shoulders, this great ass and a tight pussy, your tit’s would probably be smaller, barely a handful, but you’d be so cute. Too bad you’re just bent.”

Harley sat across from Peter, cheeks blushed, watching Peter carefully. Peter no longer felt that the freckles painted across Harley’s cheeks and nose were cute, and he no longer felt comforted by being in Harley’s presence. Now Peter only felt dread. There was no more warmth or the feeling of being safe.

Peter wasn’t attracted to Harley. He didn’t want to be with Harley, he was afraid of Harley. What Skip was doing was working. Peter was going straight. He wasn’t going to be bisexual anymore, he was only going to like women now. Peter wasn’t going to be a freak or a fag or a fairy or a homo or bent. Peter was going to be straight. Skip was fixing him.

“Peter are you okay? You’ve been really spacey recently.” Harley asked keeping his voice soft and cautious.

Peter smiled. It didn’t feel natural and probably didn’t look all that genuine, but Peter felt like he should be happy. He was happy that he this meant that May and Skip will not be disappointed in him. Maybe then Skip will like him. Now they can be a family

This is going to fix all of his relationships. People are going to like him better if he’s straight. He’ll only like women and be normal. It’ll solve so many problems for him.

“Yeah, Harls, I think I’m actually really good. Like, for real.”

Peter laughed, not one of his soft, bubbly and contagious laughs, the ones he was known for. Instead it was hallow and empty, self deprecating even. Harley’s eyes widened, suddenly more concerned for Peter than he’d been previously.

“Peter...” Harley sighed.

He reached out to grab Peter’s hand, watching Peter flinch back hard. Harley saw the moment Peter recognized what he did and how he tried to shake himself out of it, but he also saw how Peter moved to stay farther away from him.

“I’m good, Harls, really.” Peter nodded again.

“No, you’re not. There’s something seriously wrong. I’m going to figure it out. I’m going to make sure you’re okay.”

Three months ago…

Peter and Skip were finally alone. May had been on a stretch of day shifts and Peter’s friends were more persistent on having Peter go out with them during evenings. They were even tracking his food intake. The group was becoming obsessive over Peter now. And Peter was sick of it.

But now Peter was home alone with Skip. He could finally tell the man the good news. It’s been well over a week since Peter had and romantic or sexual feelings for another man. There’s only been fear, with any he looked at. Peter didn’t want to be attracted to men. Skip was curing him. May and Skip will finally accept him again.

As soon as May stepped out of the apartment Peter left his bedroom and sat down on the couch beside Skip. The man smiled at the boy, licking his lips before pinning Peter onto the couch. Skip groped at Peter for a moment, before pressing sloppy kisses onto his neck.

“No, stop, Skip I don’t like this.” Peter fought. “I just wanted to tell you that it worked. I don’t- I’m straight. You cured me. It worked. You and May don’t have to be disappointed in me anymore.”

Skip laughed. Loud and boisterous, pressing his weight down onto Peter. His hands moved up and down the teens frame, removing Peter’s clothes. Peter struggled harder, tears pouring down his face, sobbing out pleas to be let go. He tried fighting it, fighting Skip to keep his clothes on.

“You see Einstein, while I’ve made you straight, you’ve made me a fag. So this is going to have to continue, just a little until I no longer view your twink-ass as jailbait.”

Peter sobbed harder, trying to use his elbows to get away. Instead, Skip just pressed a hand into a patch of fresh cuts, forcing Peter’s vision to white out for a moment, that was just long enough to take off Peter’s underwear off.

“Skip, Skip no. No. I’m not. I swear, I didn’t make you like men. I didn’t do it. I’m straight now. You fixed me, I swear. You need to stop. You don’t want to go there. You don’t want this.”

Peter tried begging. He tried pleading, but he couldn’t stop Skip. It was too late. Skip had a plan and he wasn’t going to stop.

“Real funny that you think you know what I want, Einstein. This is for the best though, I promise, I’m doing this for you.”

It was movie night with May. Skip was out meeting up with his old friend was college. So it was just Peter and May. In their living room.

Peter couldn’t sit on the couch. Well, sitting in general wasn’t really working. So Peter just laid down on the ground, and May took the couch.

“Peter, I’m proud of you, you know that?” May finally spoke, halfway through Tangled.

“You are?” Peter didn’t anticipate his voice cracking, but hearing that May was proud of him? It was worth everything.

“Of course, baby. Skip told me that you let him help you, and I’m so proud of you for accepting help. He said that you’re problem was resolved with his help too. I’m so glad you two are getting along.”

Peter heard the words of confirmation that what Skip has been doing is what May also wants. She’s proud of him. She’s happy that Skip fixed him. May is glad that Peter is straight and that Skip turned him. It breaks Peter’s heart to actually hear it from May.

Peter never wanted to do it anyways.

And yet here he is. Having done it for her. He did this for May. To be accepted by May. So that he isn’t a disappointment in her life. And he isn’t happy. He’s not happy with himself, or Skip or May. Peter thought this would make him happy.

Peter wishes he born properly. Born straight. Born not wanting to harm himself. He wishes that the feeling that he needs to die never existed. Peter wishes he could be himself and be loved by his family. It shouldn’t have to be one of the other.

“Thanks.”

He tried not to choke on the acid rising up his throat.

Two and a half months ago…

It doesn’t stop. Skip doesn’t stop. His brain doesn’t stop. The fear didn’t replace the attraction like Peter originally thought. It’s just more confusing now.

Peter just wanted this to end.

Skip wasn’t going to end this.

Tony and Pepper had invited Peter, May and Skip over for dinner. Tony had made loads of his famous lasagna, and Pepper made a spinach dip appetizer and they ordered cheesecake for dessert.

All the adults seemed to be having a conversation together while Harley and Peter talked among themselves.

“I have an announcement.” Skip smiled at May, bringing the attention to himself.

“I asked May to marry me yesterday and she said yes.”

Peter was sure that this would be what killed him. Skip was his life sentence for whatever Peter did wrong. Skip was going to be his step-uncle, his new guardian.

Tony, Pepper and Harley congratulated the couple, and Tony patted Peter’s shoulder. Wine was brought out Peter couldn’t take it anymore.

“I’m just, I’m going to the bathroom, I’ll be back.” Peter smiled pushing himself out of his spot.

“Hurry back Einstein, we’re gonna be a family, we have to celebrate together.”

Peter was going to be sick.

He nodded and left the room, shutting himself in the bathroom and throwing up.

This isn’t what he wanted. Skip can’t be there for the rest of his life. This was wrong. Everything about this was wrong.

One month ago…

Peter was sure Skip was going to kill him. Or use him forever.

Peter didn’t like either option.

“I don’t want them to get married.” Peter confessed.

Happy pulled the car over, turning in his seat to see Peter. The kid wasn’t looking very good, he reminded Happy of 2008 era Tony. It wasn’t a very good look on a kid.

“You feel like it’s too soon after Ben? Or is it because of how fast-paced their relationship has been?”

Peter had tried not to think about Ben since Skip moved in. He didn’t want to picture the look of disappointment Ben would give him. Peter didn’t want to think that he is a failure in Ben’s eyes. Ben would believe that Peter brought this onto himself.

‘With great Power Comes Great Responsibility.’

Ben always said that. And yet Peter failed. He gave away his power, and was completely responsible for where he is now. Peter did everything wrong and Ben would know that. He took his uncles advice, his dying words, and ruined them, broke them, tossed them in the trash and set them on fire. Ben would hate this Peter, and Peter knew that like he knew how to breathe.

“Oh, uh, yeah. I just- I don’t think I’m ready for May to be married yet. It just feels like Skip is trying to replace his spot. I don’t want the to get married yet.”

Happy nodded in understanding, trying to give the teen a small smile.

“Pete, no one is ever going to replace Ben. He was your uncle, your guardian, your parent, he raised you. Skip could never live up to that.”

Present day…

There’s blood.

Peter is in the bathroom cleaning up his own blood and he doesn’t understand how he got here.

Well, he knows how. He just doesn’t understand it.

And he doesn’t know where to start cleaning it. Peter doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do. This was all horribly wrong.

Peter knew he couldn’t stay here much longer though. Skip had gone back to his own bedroom, after a rough ‘session’ with Peter. And now Peter is alone, and bleeding and he needs to get out.

Peter picks up his phone and makes a call.

“Hey, can you uh, come pick me up, I can’t stay here, I need, uh I need to get out of here.”

“Yeah kid, you got it. I’ll be there in half.”

“Meet me, uh, two blocks up from here actually.”

“You okay, Underoos?”

Peter hung up the phone.

He hoped in the shower hoping the water would get rid of the blood, hoping the soap would wash Skip away. And when that didn’t work Peter put on an oversized sweater and large sweatpants. Peter packed untainted clothing into his book bag and left through his window and down the fire escape, putting his hood up.

This was a mistake.

Leaving was a mistake. Skip was only doing what he thought was- no. No. No. Peter can’t go back.

He won’t live through this. Peter doesn’t want to live through this.

He scratched at his arms as he made it to the spot that Tony was supposed to pick him up.

Peter was going to be sick.

How could he let it get this far? Peter shouldn’t have let this happen. This was all wrong. Why is he relying on Tony to take him away. What if Tony agrees with Skip?

Peter coughed up blood.

New plan.

Go with Tony, make sure his stomach isn’t bleeding, once he’s good, leave. Go fast. Stay away from cameras. Go to Canada. Or Florida. Get out of New York. Go far. Somewhere where May and Skip won’t think he’ll go.

Tony pulls up and Peter hops into the car quickly. Tony doesn’t start driving right away though. Instead he looks at Peter, seeing the fear in the boys eyes, as well the way he is unconsciously scratching his arms.

“What’s happening?”

Peter shakes his head, tears filling his eyes.

“Please, just drive, I can’t be here. Can’t be in the city right now.”

“Is this drugs?” Tony asks as he starts to drive, hoping that Peter won’t leave. “I don’t care if it is, I can get you help.”

“It’s not drugs. It’s probably be easier if it was drugs. Honestly, I wish it was drugs. I can’t go home though, okay? Please don’t tell May.”

“Okay. We can do that for now but I will eventually have to tell her where you are so her and Skip don’t get worried.”

“You can’t” Peter shouted jerking upright and pushing himself further away from Tony. “You can’t. Skip can’t know. He’ll kill me, I swear, he can’t know, I can’t go back.”

Tony nodded, as Peter seemed to fall apart in front of him, hoping that appearing casual while driving will keep Peter talking.

“So we don’t like Skip, alright. Is there a reason why?”

Peter sobbed and Tony was tempted to pull over right then and there, but he knows that scaring Peter would cause him to run, so he needs to keep driving.

“He said he’d help. He did the opposite.”

Tony hummed, bringing them out of the city and towards the compound. Peter was rocking himself slightly, clearly uncomfortable. He started to cough, blood splattering across his arms.

“What the hell, Parker?” Tony said stepping on the gas.

“No Skip, Tony. Promise me, we don’t get him involved even if that means keeping May in the dark. You bring Skip into this then I’m leaving. Okay?”

“Jesus, yeah, okay, promise. We’ll keep him out of this, I got you. No Skip, we don’t want him, I got it Pete.”

Peter nodded, feeling relief wash over him as he was finally in a safe spot. He was out. He was out of that god forsaken apartment. No Skip means he’s safe. Safety means he can finally sleep. So he closed his eyes.

Tag List: DM or send and ask if you would like to be added, if you only want to be tagged in pt2 please make that clear

@peterbeanie @jean-and-diet-coke @dead-inside-pt2 @they-were-cloudsinmycoffee

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posbitivity · 4 years

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Butch and Femme History

Butch and femme are subcultures and identities denoting a sapphic woman's style, behavior, and oftentimes role in sapphic relationships.

Firstly, let's discuss the words "sapphic" and "lesbian." Sapphic refers to a relationship or attraction involving only women. Both modern day lesbians and bisexual women are sapphic. However, when "lesbian" was first coined, it encompassed bisexual women as well—since "bisexual" did not yet exist as an identity—unless stated otherwise. "Lesbian" meant in the past what sapphic/sapphist still means today, although it began as a term to describe a tribade (a woman who has sex with other women via rubbing). This is why writing about history from this era is tricky. We're using a word that did not have the same meaning in the time period that we're discussing. It is imperative to disclose the antiquated definition in order to avoid miscommunication.

Before the mid-twentieth century, LGB (lesbian, gay, and bisexual) societies were underground and thus very little LGB history was recorded. While "butch" and "femme" were either nonexistent or unknown terms back then, it is evident that butch–femme relationships have been around longer than the subcultures. The risque 1903 photograph above tells us that butch–femme-resembling relationships existed in those times. The 1928 novel The Well of Lonliness by Radclyffe Hall tells the tale of a woman who wishes to live a gentleman's life in order to fight in World War I as well as marry the woman she loves.

If we go back farther, in Charles Gilbert Chaddock's 1892 translation of Richard Von Krafft-Ebing's 1886 Psychopathia Sexualis, there are many accounts from patients included. Fun fact: it is the first book to coin terms for homosexuality and bi[-]sexuality in the English language! It is of my personal belief that not only does the book contain accounts of transgender people existing back then but also roles that patients take on that can be compared to butch–femme dynamics.

The popularization and possible creation of the butch and femme roles are directly tied to working-class gay/lesbian bar culture. Before the 1940s, it was particularly hard for sapphic women to socialize. Not only could they not go in bars alone or with another woman, but many gay bars also had methods of excluding women. The gay bars that did allow women had small female populations anyway. Bars finally opened in the 1940s specifically for sapphic women and the butch–femme subcultures thrived between the 1940s and 1960s.

Keeping in mind the old terminology that we're working with, it is then clear that lesbian bars were never exclusive to lesbians of modern day meaning. It is the same as if we called them sapphic bars today. Further evidence of bisexuals attending gay and lesbian bars can be found in the book Creating a Place For Ourselves: Lesbian, Gay, and Bisexual Community Histories. Lesbian and female bisexual histories have always been intertwined. Ultimately, butch–femme dynamics were often used for survival in a heteronormative society and, ultimately, women in sapphic relationships were in danger whether or not they also had the potential to be attracted to men.

Bisexuality was reclaimed as an identity somewhere around or before the 1960s (but definitely after 1948) which also happened to be when lesbian separatism began to rise in the United States (while it developed in other countries typically in the 1970s). Radical/separatist lesbianism began in order to address lesbians being excluded from the gay liberation movement and feminism although it can't wholly be defined. Women like Louise Turcotte used the movement to oppose men and anything to do with them, including women who were involved with men. This was called feminist separatism.

These separatist lesbians saw men and heterosexuality as the enemy with lesbianism as the goal. That was when political lesbianism started. Not only is there an issue in implying that you can choose your orientation, but this also isolated many women. Bisexual people have often been considered too straight to be in gay/lesbian communities and they were too gay/lesbian to be accepted by straight society. There is a chance that the movement was also an attempt to distance the lesbian community from transgender inclusivity, something that the bisexual community often embraced. However, they didn't only attack other communities. Radical lesbian feminists in the 1970s pushed butch–femme dynamics underground for a decade or two by enforcing the claim that they are heteronormative and cannot coexist with their idea of feminism.

While it is true that sapphic couples have had to mimic heterosexuality plenty in the past, the equal relationships between androgynous women that the movement encouraged was not for everyone. To say that a masculine–feminine dynamic is regressive is ignorant of the fact that butches and femmes both challenge heteronormativity. Butches are masculine sapphics who challenge the gender roles and expectations of their culture. In the 19th century, their butchness was a signal of desire for other women. Femmes are feminine sapphic women who subvert heteronormativity in that they defy others' perceptions of them as straight women. They undermine the stereotypes and expectations that a heteronormative society holds for sapphic women.

When butch–femme relationships became more accepted in the LGBT community again in the 1990s, a lot had changed. Sapphic women were no longer seen as confused—"kiki"—if they weren't butch or femme. It was no longer as taboo for femme–femme and butch–butch relationships to exist. Communities separated, giving way to a new definition of lesbianism and a new identity for those forced out. While lesbianism is different now from what it used to be, the butch–femme dynamic has not magically altered itself to be lesbian-exclusive because it doesn't need to change. Bisexual women are just as much a part of the subcultures as lesbians because the subcultures were created and utilized by both groups for the same reasons—from survival to simply having an identity to describe how you express your womanhood to other women.

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hereditary-2018 · 3 years

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my foray into having a public fandom-centric twitter showed me that biphobia is present even in like, the most self-proclaimed progressive/inclusive circles. the topic of a character with no canon confirmed sexuality beyond him being in love with another man (meaning he could be gay bi litrally whatever) elicits so much vitriolic daily discourse because people have created this notion that there are absolutely no shared experiences between gay men and bi men, that bi men don’t experience comp het to any degree, that bi men don’t understand the Traumatizing Experience Of Being Not Straight because they are privileged in their attraction to women. in my defense of bi headcanons, i was labeled a homophobe even tho i’m a lesbian, and told by another lesbian that i am indicative of the “problem” with people of all sexual identities using gay as a catch-all term, because it negates the Gay Experience—which, as someone who struggled immensely to finally arrive at the conclusion that i am a lesbian, made me feel quite frankly enraged at how presumptuous it was, as well as making it clear that in order to be seen as “valid” in the Logged In World, i HAVE to disclose very personal information about myself. and above all, what really bothered me, is this idea that bi people are just born having their sexuality all figured out and never deal with any type of personal or social shame and also don’t fall under the umbrella of People To Whom Homophobia Applies.

#biphobia /

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portraitofadumbassonfire · 4 years

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On Biphobia

I’m an empathetic person, there’s good & bad things that come with it. When it comes to why people (especially those in the LGBTQ+ community) are biphobic, I think there are different factors to why they are other than plain ignorance.

Those factors? Jealousy, Insecurity, & “Passing”

Dating and finding love is difficult but being in the queer community dating is an uphill battle, and it’s even harder for those who identify as bisexual. I identify as gay so I know how strong the loneliness can get, I also know how strong the jealousy can get as well. (I can be the jealous type i will admit) A lot of biphobes say they don’t want to date someone who is bisexual because they think they’ll cheat, despite the fact that there are a LOT of gays who cheat pretty much for fun, they feel like they will have to compete with the rest of the world if they like someone who is bisexual because their dating pool is bigger and they’ve probably dealt with people who have played games with their emotions while at the same time making a bad name for actual bi people. But the thing is....from what I’ve from many bisexuals, dating isn’t easier, some don’t even disclose their sexuality or just say they’re gay so they don’t have to explain themselves because I’m sure at this point they’re tired of having doing that.

That jealousy bleeds into the argument that Bi people whom are with someone of the opposite sex can pass as straight in public much easier than the rest of the community. Personally....I feel like Bi people can, but that’s only when they’re around straight people, when they come to their own community where they SHOULD feel safe and yet... here they are being ostracized by people who they thought would be more accepting of their sexuality, because yes they can blend in easier but that doesn’t mean straight people can’t be biphobic. (And i’m gonna go on a small tangent and say y’all kill me with this “gold star” shit, we’re not in a fucking kindergarten class)

I will admit, I have been that kind of person and will slip up sometimes, I can be jealous and selfish when I like a guy and pretty much just want him to pay attention to me only (Ik i sound insane), but I have to remind myself of what I dealt with eternally with figuring out my sexuality (even as a virgin) and how I HATED having it be invalidated or even judged for not being “gay enough” because I’ve never been with a woman, so how can I know I’m gay? I DON’T HAVE THE DESIRE FOR WOMEN SEXUALLY that’s how I know. No one, especially in the queer community likes to have their sexuality or their gender to judged by someone else’s standards, I know i don’t like that, why should I do that to someone else, especially someone form my own community?

On insecurity.... I’m gonna on another tangent but it’s related to insecurity(This is gonna sound pathetic) I’m a big Harry Styles fan (yeah no shit) and I’ve loved how over the past few years he’s been expressing his sexuality, but being in his fanbase, or even being in the 1D fanbase can poke at my insecurity at times, it’s not really anyone’s fault, it’s just how I feel about it. Most of H’s fanbase is consistent of str8 girls/bi girls/and lesbians, which is not a negative thing, but as a gay man, I can feel like a fish out of water at times. It kind of goes back to why I previously thought I’d never fawn over a boyband member because I thought “I’m not gonna play with my own emotions like that” I’d see millions of female fans lose their minds over these guys and some of them hope they have a chance to date any of them, I thought if I joined in on their fawning, I’d look and feel stupid because none of us would have a chance with them and if we did, I’d have a MUCH lesser chance than they did, so I vowed I’d never lose my mind over a boyband member. That’s until I found out about a certain green-eyed MF and the rest is history. It’s part of why I’ve been secretly dreading his upcoming music video after seeing the filming of it because it reminds me all too much of that insecurity; That I have no chance at all with the men I’m attracted to. (Not to mention the song where it’s suggested he’s talking about sucking dick is unreleased and only sung on tour, yet the song that’s suggestively about eating pussy is a single and has a music video) I know that’s a very negative thing to think about, but it’s something that’s been stuck in the back of my head for years and I know there are other gay male fans of Harry but let’s be real the last time I’ve seen some acknowledgement was that gay vodka moment & the “yes daddy I will” moment (A black gay male fan yelled that at him and he repeated it and I saw so many pretend as if he wasn’t responding to a guyor straight up say a female fan said that even though there is video footage of the dude saying it) I’m not gonna get on the topic of H’s fans who disregard his attraction to men, I’ll be here all day unsurprisingly the queer fans are the ones whom I’ve seen call out that bullshit. That’s my own personal insecurity, but I know I’m not the only one who feels or has felt that way. That’s at least one place, I’m sure some people’s biphobia stems from, personal insecurity.

I think a lot of biphobia comes from ignorance, but I think it also comes from hurt or the fear of being hurt even more. I can understand that fear all too well, I’ve been hurt by other people, not romantically (yet) and honestly I have and feel that fear strongly, but so do Bi people, we’re all humans with emotions that don’t have an off switch, and I also know that being oppressive toward someone else in an already oppressed community won’t help in any way, no matter how much you convince yourself it can. I know i’m not saying anything brand new or ground-breaking I just felt like airing that out.

I hope I don’t cussed out for this post.

#bisexuality

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my-darling-boy · 5 years

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What is ace? I hope asking this isn’t offensive, I’m just honestly curious.

Oooh no worries, it’s not offensive to ask :P I’d be glad to explain!

Ace is short for being asexual, and there are many ways that asexual people interpret and view what being asexual means to them, but asexuality generally means you do not experience sexual feelings for others. However, some use asexuality as a blanket term to describe other orientations in the ace spectrum such as greysexual or demisexual (more on these later). So with that in mind, asexuality is also categorised by those who experience quite inconsistent or unclear sexual feelings. Asexuals may experience forms of attraction, such as romantic, aesthetic, and sensual attraction, but still not feel the need to pursue someone sexually. This is NOT to be confused with sex repulsion; although there are some asexuals who are sex repulsed as well, the two are separate ideas. This is also NOT to be confused with low libido, which is often an argument to discredit asexuality. Having a low libido, the body’s low desire to feel bodily satisfaction, is not the same thing as asexuality, which is, loosely, the mental feeling of having no (or unclear) desire to have sex with someone. Contrary to popular belief, an asexual person can actually have a very high libido and still not experience sexual attraction. Asexuality is also NOT to be confused with being celibate, which is the act of consciously abstaining from having sex.

Unfortunately, there is a lot of hate towards people who identify as ace, both within the LGBT+ community and outside of it. There are even recent accounts of asexuals being driven out of Pride events because they were flying ace flags. You might think a lack of sexual attraction would be cause for people to leave us be, but instead, it draws just as much harassment from LGBT+ people as it does from cishets. Many trans individuals are targeted as well since a higher number of trans people identify as ace. Lots of asexuals sometimes feel unsafe to disclose their asexuality because of situations like this. Seemingly nice people have even abruptly stopped talking to me after I casually mention being ace. And if you are unfamiliar with asexuality as you say, I think it’s important to know that there is a lot of misinformation surrounding asexuality which needs to be taken into consideration if you ever plan on looking more into it. So here’s a bit of some General Info and it’s a bit Longᵀᴹ and I’m by no means a Highly Educated Ace Expert, but this is what I can tell you as best I can!

Some people feel asexuals receive no oppression or hardships at all, and that they don’t deserve a place in the LGBT+ community simply because they lack attraction in that manner. This is not true.

Something asexual people hear, ironically from people who claim to be LGBT+ allies, a lot is: “You just haven’t found the right person yet!” which, surprise, is what lots of other lesbian, gay, bi, etc. people hear. “You just haven’t had sex yet” is an invalid argument since people accept gay men all the time who have never dated men before; those men know they are gay because they feel romantic feelings towards a man before having intercourse with one. Asexuality works in the same fashion. I don’t have to have sex to know if I’m asexual, because the fact I already lack sexual desire, sexual attraction, etc. is already enough to tell.

People who are ignorant towards asexual people will often say that they’re “sick and demented” for having no sexual attraction, since society has been predisposed to think for a very long time that the pinnacle of a relationship is sex, which is untrue. Sex can be a way for a couple to express their love for one another but it is NOT the only way, though society often treats it like it is. Many asexuals, myself included, felt very alone and confused growing up into adulthood as seemingly everyone around them–friends, family, advertisements, films, music, clothing–assured them they were SUPPOSED to be feeling sexual attraction, and they weren’t, and it can make an ace person feel very isolated and yes, mentally ill. I myself thought there was something wrong with me when all of my contemporaries were obsessed with sex and I wasn’t. Even more pressure is put on asexual people when their parents demand children from them, when people make fun of them for seeming “so innocent” for not having sex or, even worse, when partners FORCE them to have sex with them. Asexual people sometimes suffer in relationships where their partner feels sex is vital to being a couple and forces the asexual person into having sex to “convert” them and you guessed it! It’s called rape. If you ever encounter a situation as an ace person where your partner feels that they are entitled to sex with you just because you are in a relationship with them, they do not deserve you, as NO ONE is entitled to your body but you. Allosexual people, the term used to describe anyone who DOES feel consistent sexual attraction, do not often understand how strongly steeped society is in sexual content and how even large corporations capitalise off of perpetuating the idea that sexual attraction is the hallmark of being a human. This massive and widespread idea has led lots of people to believe asexual people are mentally ill and that is COMPLETELY untrue. It is completely normal to have no sexual attraction or very weak/unclear sexual attraction to people. And this is what asexuality means.

Usually, people who are misinformed on asexuality hear the term and think of this completely heartless, emotionless person, and this is also untrue. They can be lovable, bubbly, and sweet! Asexuals are not emotionless: they experience the same levels of emotion as anyone else. ALSO. Asexual people can be romantic! Asexual people can hug AND kiss! Asexual people can masturbate! Asexual people can even have sex and still be asexual! Why? Because it has to do with the fact in all these examples, they still lack sexual desire and/or attraction to the person or object they engage in these activities with. You can like the feeling of sex as an asexual person; what makes you asexual is that you enjoy the feeling of the action versus feeling the actual desire towards the person you’re having it with. However, some people feel this latter fact makes them greysexual, a term used to describe someone who has unclear levels of sexual attraction or simply doesn’t know where to identify on the asexual scale. Some may even feel they are demisexual, a person who feels sexual attraction only after getting to know a person very well or being with someone for a long time. And some people even feel liking sex, without having sexual desire/attraction to the person they have it with, makes them not asexual. Some asexual people do not feel comfortable with kissing, and some love sloppy kisses. Some asexuals love things like very bodily romantic activities (such as what some might refer to as foreplay), and some just prefer holding hands or hugs. Some asexuals masturbate a lot, and some may never feel the want to or do it seldom. Some asexuals experiment with kinks, and some do not. Often, the definition of being asexual, along with its general perception, is often too black and white. You don’t have to hate EVERY bit of physical interaction to be considered asexual because like a lot of sexualities, it’s a sliding scale. And figuring out whether or not your personal preferences regarding romantic relationships makes you ace or not is really completely up to you when determining which term feels more comfortable.

Acephobic people often use the same historic argument that was used against gay men through the decades: that just explaining the sexuality is being inappropriate towards teens, which is also untrue. Acephobic people, after some Mental Gymnastics, believe that asexual people are pushing the idea that teens need to be constantly contemplating sex in order to even figure out if they’re asexual, and therefore, perverted, which is just??? The same kids get taught sex education in school (For instance, I was 10 when we had our first lesson) and some adults object to this because they don’t want their kids to be learning about sex at so young an age. But like school sex ed, or even explaining what being a lesbian means or what being asexual means, it’s being done so educationally, so that when a person is ready to determine something about themselves in regards to sexuality or gender, they have the tools and resources to make an educated self discovery with themselves and how they feel they identify. I can’t tell you how relieved I would have been at 14 for someone to tell me that it was normal to feel no interest in all of the sexual content my friends were obsessed with at the time. Instead, I was made to feel “weird” and was made fun of because I wasn’t infatuated with it like everyone else. It even led me to have so many nights crying, wondering how I was going to ever find someone to love after being taught that ALL my partner would want is sex. Explaining being gay to a 13 year old isn’t trying to force the teen into having thoughts on whether or not they like male sex, it’s simply saying “If you like boys, and you’re a boy, that’s normal!” Asexuality is the same way. It could simply be introduced by saying “If all your friends are getting curious about sex and certain body parts and you don’t feel very interested in that now and ALSO as time goes on, that’s normal!” And this is VERY important for asexual people to know. A lot of kids grow up thinking sex is expected of them, and are more likely to, once adults, be pressured into it and get stuck in relationships they feel abused or uncomfortable in. In a highly-sexulised modern society, it is important anyways to inform younger people it is normal to not be interested in sex and they should not be pressured into feeling like they should be. In fact, there are studies which show asexual people are just as likely to experience corrective rape, dehumanisation, abuse, sexual harassment, and invalidation, as other LGBT+ members and may also experience unique forms of sexual abuse allosexual people, within the LGBT+ community or not, do not endure. Educating people about asexuality is just as important as educating them about being gay or being transgender. It’s giving LGBT+ youth the resources they need to avoid being manipulated, given misinformation, or made to feel lesser and letting them know that who they are, however they eventually identify, is valid. Personally, I find the parents/adults who reject explanations of being asexual are the same parents/adults who ironically perpetuate sexual-normativity charged ideas in their household such as insisting on telling their 13 year old daughter to give them grandchildren, which for those of you who don’t know, usually requires sex. The same sex they don’t want their kids knowing anything about when someone talks about asexuality or being gay. Weird, right? It’s almost like they think anything other than being straight is “dirty” and should not be taught to their children or something. Also, I should note, Stonewall even flies the asexual pride flag (the purple, grey, black, and white). So for those acephobes trying to say asexuals are “fake”, just know the literal Stonewall officially acknowledges asexuality

And for me personally, I am gay, but I’m also asexual. So how does this work? Well, asexual people only have issues with the “sex” part. There’s nothing in it that outlines romantic attraction. I love men and doing romantic things with men, but have no sexual desire/attraction to them. There are asexual individuals who identify as aromantic-asexual. Meaning, in addition to not being interested in sex, they may also not be interested in being romantic. Since I’m gay and ace, I could technically also be referred to as homoromantic-asexual (having romantic feelings for another person of the same gender and ALSO having no sexual feelings towards another). But for ease of wording, I say gay and ace :P But you can say whatever you want! You can be biromantic-asexual! Or Pan and ace!

I should also note that, if you feel you are ace yourself, even though things might seem hopeless or scary with the amount of people spreading lies and hatred, you will find a partner who loves you, if that is something you wish to pursue and are worried will never be a reality. You will find friends who understand you or who are ace or aro as well. You will find people who support you. Your asexuality is not a burden or a disappointment. You are not “boring” or “selfish”. And you deserve every bit of happiness.

There are more than a few websites and sources about asexuality, but I feel this one provides some short but concise insight into if you would like to know a little more!

Thanks for the ask!

#asks #asexuality #ace #*explains own sexuality*#*worries I explained it wrong*#also I do mention rape so tw #ok to rb I suppose?#acephobes who try to kick up a fuss about this #the bins are out back

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