#acephobes who try to kick up a fuss about this | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

my-darling-boy · 5 years

Note

What is ace? I hope asking this isn’t offensive, I’m just honestly curious.

Oooh no worries, it’s not offensive to ask :P I’d be glad to explain!

Ace is short for being asexual, and there are many ways that asexual people interpret and view what being asexual means to them, but asexuality generally means you do not experience sexual feelings for others. However, some use asexuality as a blanket term to describe other orientations in the ace spectrum such as greysexual or demisexual (more on these later). So with that in mind, asexuality is also categorised by those who experience quite inconsistent or unclear sexual feelings. Asexuals may experience forms of attraction, such as romantic, aesthetic, and sensual attraction, but still not feel the need to pursue someone sexually. This is NOT to be confused with sex repulsion; although there are some asexuals who are sex repulsed as well, the two are separate ideas. This is also NOT to be confused with low libido, which is often an argument to discredit asexuality. Having a low libido, the body’s low desire to feel bodily satisfaction, is not the same thing as asexuality, which is, loosely, the mental feeling of having no (or unclear) desire to have sex with someone. Contrary to popular belief, an asexual person can actually have a very high libido and still not experience sexual attraction. Asexuality is also NOT to be confused with being celibate, which is the act of consciously abstaining from having sex.

Unfortunately, there is a lot of hate towards people who identify as ace, both within the LGBT+ community and outside of it. There are even recent accounts of asexuals being driven out of Pride events because they were flying ace flags. You might think a lack of sexual attraction would be cause for people to leave us be, but instead, it draws just as much harassment from LGBT+ people as it does from cishets. Many trans individuals are targeted as well since a higher number of trans people identify as ace. Lots of asexuals sometimes feel unsafe to disclose their asexuality because of situations like this. Seemingly nice people have even abruptly stopped talking to me after I casually mention being ace. And if you are unfamiliar with asexuality as you say, I think it’s important to know that there is a lot of misinformation surrounding asexuality which needs to be taken into consideration if you ever plan on looking more into it. So here’s a bit of some General Info and it’s a bit Longᵀᴹ and I’m by no means a Highly Educated Ace Expert, but this is what I can tell you as best I can!

Some people feel asexuals receive no oppression or hardships at all, and that they don’t deserve a place in the LGBT+ community simply because they lack attraction in that manner. This is not true.

Something asexual people hear, ironically from people who claim to be LGBT+ allies, a lot is: “You just haven’t found the right person yet!” which, surprise, is what lots of other lesbian, gay, bi, etc. people hear. “You just haven’t had sex yet” is an invalid argument since people accept gay men all the time who have never dated men before; those men know they are gay because they feel romantic feelings towards a man before having intercourse with one. Asexuality works in the same fashion. I don’t have to have sex to know if I’m asexual, because the fact I already lack sexual desire, sexual attraction, etc. is already enough to tell.

People who are ignorant towards asexual people will often say that they’re “sick and demented” for having no sexual attraction, since society has been predisposed to think for a very long time that the pinnacle of a relationship is sex, which is untrue. Sex can be a way for a couple to express their love for one another but it is NOT the only way, though society often treats it like it is. Many asexuals, myself included, felt very alone and confused growing up into adulthood as seemingly everyone around them–friends, family, advertisements, films, music, clothing–assured them they were SUPPOSED to be feeling sexual attraction, and they weren’t, and it can make an ace person feel very isolated and yes, mentally ill. I myself thought there was something wrong with me when all of my contemporaries were obsessed with sex and I wasn’t. Even more pressure is put on asexual people when their parents demand children from them, when people make fun of them for seeming “so innocent” for not having sex or, even worse, when partners FORCE them to have sex with them. Asexual people sometimes suffer in relationships where their partner feels sex is vital to being a couple and forces the asexual person into having sex to “convert” them and you guessed it! It’s called rape. If you ever encounter a situation as an ace person where your partner feels that they are entitled to sex with you just because you are in a relationship with them, they do not deserve you, as NO ONE is entitled to your body but you. Allosexual people, the term used to describe anyone who DOES feel consistent sexual attraction, do not often understand how strongly steeped society is in sexual content and how even large corporations capitalise off of perpetuating the idea that sexual attraction is the hallmark of being a human. This massive and widespread idea has led lots of people to believe asexual people are mentally ill and that is COMPLETELY untrue. It is completely normal to have no sexual attraction or very weak/unclear sexual attraction to people. And this is what asexuality means.

Usually, people who are misinformed on asexuality hear the term and think of this completely heartless, emotionless person, and this is also untrue. They can be lovable, bubbly, and sweet! Asexuals are not emotionless: they experience the same levels of emotion as anyone else. ALSO. Asexual people can be romantic! Asexual people can hug AND kiss! Asexual people can masturbate! Asexual people can even have sex and still be asexual! Why? Because it has to do with the fact in all these examples, they still lack sexual desire and/or attraction to the person or object they engage in these activities with. You can like the feeling of sex as an asexual person; what makes you asexual is that you enjoy the feeling of the action versus feeling the actual desire towards the person you’re having it with. However, some people feel this latter fact makes them greysexual, a term used to describe someone who has unclear levels of sexual attraction or simply doesn’t know where to identify on the asexual scale. Some may even feel they are demisexual, a person who feels sexual attraction only after getting to know a person very well or being with someone for a long time. And some people even feel liking sex, without having sexual desire/attraction to the person they have it with, makes them not asexual. Some asexual people do not feel comfortable with kissing, and some love sloppy kisses. Some asexuals love things like very bodily romantic activities (such as what some might refer to as foreplay), and some just prefer holding hands or hugs. Some asexuals masturbate a lot, and some may never feel the want to or do it seldom. Some asexuals experiment with kinks, and some do not. Often, the definition of being asexual, along with its general perception, is often too black and white. You don’t have to hate EVERY bit of physical interaction to be considered asexual because like a lot of sexualities, it’s a sliding scale. And figuring out whether or not your personal preferences regarding romantic relationships makes you ace or not is really completely up to you when determining which term feels more comfortable.

Acephobic people often use the same historic argument that was used against gay men through the decades: that just explaining the sexuality is being inappropriate towards teens, which is also untrue. Acephobic people, after some Mental Gymnastics, believe that asexual people are pushing the idea that teens need to be constantly contemplating sex in order to even figure out if they’re asexual, and therefore, perverted, which is just??? The same kids get taught sex education in school (For instance, I was 10 when we had our first lesson) and some adults object to this because they don’t want their kids to be learning about sex at so young an age. But like school sex ed, or even explaining what being a lesbian means or what being asexual means, it’s being done so educationally, so that when a person is ready to determine something about themselves in regards to sexuality or gender, they have the tools and resources to make an educated self discovery with themselves and how they feel they identify. I can’t tell you how relieved I would have been at 14 for someone to tell me that it was normal to feel no interest in all of the sexual content my friends were obsessed with at the time. Instead, I was made to feel “weird” and was made fun of because I wasn’t infatuated with it like everyone else. It even led me to have so many nights crying, wondering how I was going to ever find someone to love after being taught that ALL my partner would want is sex. Explaining being gay to a 13 year old isn’t trying to force the teen into having thoughts on whether or not they like male sex, it’s simply saying “If you like boys, and you’re a boy, that’s normal!” Asexuality is the same way. It could simply be introduced by saying “If all your friends are getting curious about sex and certain body parts and you don’t feel very interested in that now and ALSO as time goes on, that’s normal!” And this is VERY important for asexual people to know. A lot of kids grow up thinking sex is expected of them, and are more likely to, once adults, be pressured into it and get stuck in relationships they feel abused or uncomfortable in. In a highly-sexulised modern society, it is important anyways to inform younger people it is normal to not be interested in sex and they should not be pressured into feeling like they should be. In fact, there are studies which show asexual people are just as likely to experience corrective rape, dehumanisation, abuse, sexual harassment, and invalidation, as other LGBT+ members and may also experience unique forms of sexual abuse allosexual people, within the LGBT+ community or not, do not endure. Educating people about asexuality is just as important as educating them about being gay or being transgender. It’s giving LGBT+ youth the resources they need to avoid being manipulated, given misinformation, or made to feel lesser and letting them know that who they are, however they eventually identify, is valid. Personally, I find the parents/adults who reject explanations of being asexual are the same parents/adults who ironically perpetuate sexual-normativity charged ideas in their household such as insisting on telling their 13 year old daughter to give them grandchildren, which for those of you who don’t know, usually requires sex. The same sex they don’t want their kids knowing anything about when someone talks about asexuality or being gay. Weird, right? It’s almost like they think anything other than being straight is “dirty” and should not be taught to their children or something. Also, I should note, Stonewall even flies the asexual pride flag (the purple, grey, black, and white). So for those acephobes trying to say asexuals are “fake”, just know the literal Stonewall officially acknowledges asexuality

And for me personally, I am gay, but I’m also asexual. So how does this work? Well, asexual people only have issues with the “sex” part. There’s nothing in it that outlines romantic attraction. I love men and doing romantic things with men, but have no sexual desire/attraction to them. There are asexual individuals who identify as aromantic-asexual. Meaning, in addition to not being interested in sex, they may also not be interested in being romantic. Since I’m gay and ace, I could technically also be referred to as homoromantic-asexual (having romantic feelings for another person of the same gender and ALSO having no sexual feelings towards another). But for ease of wording, I say gay and ace :P But you can say whatever you want! You can be biromantic-asexual! Or Pan and ace!

I should also note that, if you feel you are ace yourself, even though things might seem hopeless or scary with the amount of people spreading lies and hatred, you will find a partner who loves you, if that is something you wish to pursue and are worried will never be a reality. You will find friends who understand you or who are ace or aro as well. You will find people who support you. Your asexuality is not a burden or a disappointment. You are not “boring” or “selfish”. And you deserve every bit of happiness.

There are more than a few websites and sources about asexuality, but I feel this one provides some short but concise insight into if you would like to know a little more!

Thanks for the ask!

#asks #asexuality #ace #*explains own sexuality*#*worries I explained it wrong*#also I do mention rape so tw #ok to rb I suppose?#acephobes who try to kick up a fuss about this #the bins are out back

144 notes · View notes

acreepypastaloverposts · 3 years

Note

Hi, I’m not sure if you’re doing asks or requests but if you are- How do you think the pastas would react to their S/O being asexual (not wanting/liking intercourse)?

Pastas X Asexual S/O:

BEN Drowned:

He's heard of it but hasn't really looked into it because he didn't think he'd need the information.

Immediately searches the internet looking at everything he could find about asexuality.

Will try and tone down the perverted jokes he makes if it makes you uncomfortable.

Honestly just wants to be your centre of attention and the person you love.

13/10

Bloody Painter:

He's more curious than anything else.

Would want to learn everything about asexual people and what it actually means to be asexual.

Will also ask how you found out that you were asexual and the experiences you went through.

Overall he's respectful and honestly just loves you for you.

10/10

Candy Pop:

Ehh I also think that they also prefer a sexual relationship with their s/o.

However if they truly loved their s/o, and I'm talking like soulmate kinda shit, then they'll learn to live without sex.

You'll have to set boundaries at the start and try to get them to understand why.

If that happens then they'll find out that they can still have a romantic and somewhat intimate relationship with their s/o.

8/10

Clockwork:

Knows basic knowledge of what being asexual is but that's about it.

Honestly doesn't really care what you are, in her mind as long as you two love each other that's all that matters.

Can and will kick anybody's ass if they disrespect or bully you in anyway. Seriously, like she isn't scared.

Will ask what you do and don't like so she doesn't accidentally cross a line and upset you.

15/10

Dr Smiley:

Again, he read the basics of what asexuality is in a book years ago but doesn't really know that much about it.

Honestly like he doesn't really care? Like he's not fussed on what you are or whether you like being intimate or not. He just... isn't really bothered.

Will broaden his victim pool to aphobic/acephobic people as a way to support you.

This relationships future will be hit and miss depending on how Smiley actually feels.

4/10

Eyeless Jack:

Absolutely no clue on anything to do with being asexual.

Once you fill him in he completely understands why you would be like that and 100% respects your decision.

Again he's another pasta that doesn't really care if their relationship doesn't have a sexual element.

He's in it fully because he loves you and wants to spend his life with you.

1000000/10

Homicidal Liu:

He actually knows all about it since had a friend in school who was asexual.

He'll find it difficult at first to find some kinds of relief but he'll find a way to make it work.

Sully is an asshole about it tbh. He'll probably degrade his s/o and make them feel guilty about it.

As time goes on Sully will get less abusive towards you but it's up to you whether you want to be in that kind of environment.

3/10

Hoodie:

It's pretty straight forward for him to understand so there's no need to have to speak with him about it unless you have slightly different requirements?

Honestly you didn't even need to tell him, he just knew. A gut feeling maybe.

Since he obviously knew what you were before you became a couple I imagine he wouldn't have an issue with his s/o being asexual.

Also another pasta to kick the shit out of anyone who mistreats you in anyway.

9/10

Jane The Killer:

She actually knows quite a lot due to a sexuality crisis she had a while back. (She still isn't completely sure what she is yet)

Due to her motherly-like nature she'll probably try to shelter you from a bad world so you can just focus on the love she gives you.

Doesn't mind what you are as long as you're not against cuddles. Jane loves her cuddles.

Will make anyone pay horribly for being mean to you, even if it wasn't about your sexuality, consider them dead.

100/10

Jason The Toymaker:

I feel like he's not going to like it at all.

Probably try to manipulate you into doing sexual stuff with him.

It's a very toxic relationship and if the manipulation doesn't work he'll probably either kill you.

Please don't get into a relationship with him. It's not worth it.

-500/10

Jeff The Killer:

He's a massive dick about it.

One of those guys that thinks that you will change your sexuality for him because he thinks he's "special"

Honestly I don't see a relationship with Jeff working out.

He's the type to brag about his sex life and if it gets to a point that other people have more than him he's either gonna end it or cheat.

0/10

Kate The Chaser:

She knows about it but will ask you for more information.

She honestly isn't really sexual either due to her trust issues so there's no worry with her.

Will accommodate for anything you like or don't.

Just wants to feel loved.

10/10

Laughing Jack:

He's asexual so he doesn't have a single worry.

Honestly just wants someone to help terrorise children with him.

He'll insist on visiting people who may have aphoic/acephobic towards you and watch as they slowly go insane.

All he wants really is a partner in crime to eat sweets with.

10/10

Laughing Jill:

She is also asexual.

She cares a lot for her s/o and would do anything for them.

Will kill anyone who comes near them with bad intent.

She just needs her s/o’s love, that's all she’s ever wanted.

1000/10

Masky:

He's aware of what it is and is a little shocked at first when his s/o tells him but gets over it.

Extremely considerate of your thoughts and feelings.

He always comes across like he doesn't give a damn but he's constantly eyeing the room you're both in to determine possible upsets.

Again will batter the shit out of anyone who crosses you or even tries to. No one messes with his s/o.

11/10

The Puppeteer:

I mean... he's a ghost so imma assuming that he doesn't have a problem with his s/o being asexual.

He'll take his time finding out what you do and don't like/want.

However he might use the information he has against you if he wants you to do something or act a certain way.

It's a toxic relationship that's almost impossible to see yet very dangerous.

2/10

Ticci Toby:

It's gonna be seriously hard for him to cope in a relationship without sex but it is possible.

He's going to need to have constant reassurance and praise and stuff like that.

Like Jane he needs cuddles in his life. He's so touch starved that he craves love and attention.

As long as you can give him that he's content.

10000000000/10

65 notes · View notes