on art and suffering

Edvard Munch, Jen Mazza, Yun Hyong-keun, Richard Siken, Anaïs Nin, Lisa Wright, Vincent van Gogh, Edvard Munch, Aldous Huxley

buy me a coffee

encontro-me envolto em sentimentos ambíguos em relação aos meus amigos do sexo masculino, como se estivesse reavaliando minuciosamente minha interação com cada um deles. surge em mim a incerteza se verdadeiramente me sinto à vontade na presença masculina—exceto a do Lucas—, ou se estou ponderando excessivamente. essa inquietação persistente me assalta com a sensação de que alguns amigos nutrem por mim um afeto condicionado ao que posso oferecer, em detrimento do meu ser.

experimento um desespero — she's being dramatic again, oh god! — profundo diante da aparente ausência de conexões e entendimentos genuínos, substituídos por meras projeções idealizadas. sinto-me compelida a me adequar à imagem de mulher, jovem ou mãe que eles desejam e necessitam, temendo que qualquer desvio dessa expectativa resulte em decepção ou estranhamento. nenhum deles, dentro deste círculo de amizades, parece conhecer-me verdadeiramente. afeições que me dirigem parecem nascer de uma carência por amar algo ou preencher um vazio — a busca por algo que talvez nem tenha existido.

sinto-me à beira da loucura.

Beneš Knüpfer (1844 - 1910) 

lmao i just found a post with the exact same feelings as mine.

one of the things that saddens me about society is the way we undermine platonic and romantic relationships, as if everything is destined to an inevitable end, as if that were something negative. i don't agree with the idea that endings are always bad, just as i don't see death as something scary. natural cycles come and go, and fearing the end, fearing the lack of eternity, is a mistake.

for me, the essence of humanity in my daily life lies in connection, in helping strangers, in brightening someone's day with a smile, in noticing the little things, in giving and receiving compliments. all of these are small connections that have their beginning and their end, but they are no less significant because of it. so why should we avoid big connections?

but this is my (very summarized) #opinion!

“humanity is inherently selfish and bad” bbbrrrghuhjfkg. humanity is seeing a stranger’s grocery bag break open on the sidewalk and harvesting fruits and veggies from the branch-like cracks of the asphalt for them, just because you can. humanity is helping a lost child find their mother on a crowded beach, looking for the ladybug-patterned parasol with their hummingbird-small hand in yours. it’s an elder’s fingers wrapped around your arm as you help them up the stairs because the elevator is broken, and feeling like you’re doing exactly what you’re supposed to be doing, like this is what you would’ve been doing had you been alive centuries or even millennia ago. there will always be a heavily pregnant woman who will smile at you when you give up your seat, a nice blind man in the fruit aisle who will ask you to please pick the riper plantain for him, a tired cashier whose face will light up when you compliment their tattoo sleeve. humanity is connection

Ophelia, 1872 - oil on canvas

— Jean-Baptiste Bertrand (France, 1823–1887)

one of the things that saddens me about society is the way we undermine platonic and romantic relationships, as if everything is destined to an inevitable end, as if that were something negative. i don't agree with the idea that endings are always bad, just as i don't see death as something scary. natural cycles come and go, and fearing the end, fearing the lack of eternity, is a mistake.

for me, the essence of humanity in my daily life lies in connection, in helping strangers, in brightening someone's day with a smile, in noticing the little things, in giving and receiving compliments. all of these are small connections that have their beginning and their end, but they are no less significant because of it. so why should we avoid big connections?

but this is my (very summarized) #opinion!

shhh dont disturb them they're sharing mana after a tough day