Bellatrix: Can you keep a secret?

Voldemort: Do you know anything about my life?

Bellatrix: No, I do not. Good point.

[Bellatrix's first ride on the Hogwarts Express] Bellatrix, leaning out the window: Bye Reg! Bye Cissy! Bye Andy! Bye Reg! Bye Siri- Sirius: You said bye to Reg twice. Bellatrix: I like Regulus best.

Bellatrix: You can trust me! Let’s not forget who pulled you out of that river when you were 14

Sirius: Let’s not forget who pushed me in

“bella is a unique kind of crazy where you kind of have to admire her commitment to it.”

-sirius black attempting to explain his family to the marauders

Regulus: Your side of the family isn’t perfect. Your sister is an insane pervert!

Narcissa: Don’t talk to me about the sexual habits of family members, Reg. What about your brother?

Regulus: …My brother has been through a lot

Narcissa: Of dick

Sirius: *gasp*

Narcissa: Did you beat up those kids?

Bellatrix: No, they apologized.

Andromeda: I heard screaming.

Bellatrix: That was the apologizing.

Narcissa, trying to pull Lucius up from the side of a cliff: Lucius you’re too heavy, I can’t hang on!

Lucius: Pretend I’m your sister!

*Narcissa’s grip loosens*

Lucius: NOT BELLA NOT BELLA

Y/N; “When I am rich…

(points to Severus) “you’re getting therapy”

(points to Remus) “you’re getting therapy”

(points to Bellatrix) “you’re getting double therapy.

Y/N; “Everyone’s healing.”

Bellatrix: And then Snapey Smarty Pants said "Put it down, Bella. We mustn't touch what isn't ours".

Bellatrix: Like how dare he?! I'm so done. Fuck that halfblood, right?

Lucius: Yeah, right. Fuck him, fuck him hard. Fuck him until he is writhing, whimpering and begging to com-

Bellatrix: OK, mate stop. I feel like we aren't on the same page anymore.

Narcissa: You are supposed to bang your fist against mine. Bellatrix: Why? Narcissa: I’m told it is a widely accepted gesture for mutual success. Rita: I love it when you two impersonate normal people.

Rodolphus: Did you two sleep together?

Bellatrix and Voldemort: No.

Rodolphus: Double negative, that’s a yes.

Cissy: so you fancy girls?

Bella: Well, that is sort of an entry-level requirement for being a lesbian.

Andy: lesbianism 101

Cissy, turning towards Hermione: you as well?

Hermione: I took the required courses.

whatever u do don’t think about how Nymphadora Tonks was killed by a woman who looked just like her mother

just don’t think about that

Narcissa: You killed her! Bellatrix: Actually, I believe she died of natural causes. Regulus, checking the body: Knife to the neck. Narcissa: I thought you said she died of natural causes. Bellatrix: There is nothing more natural than dying from a knife to the neck. Regulus, nodding: What would be unnatural is if she survived.

Bellatrix: I always said if I wasn’t a star by time I was 35, I was just going to be a serial killer

Sirius: …

Sirius: Well girl, how old are you? I’m getting nervous