Marauders as things my friend group has said
“Sometimes I forget how many dead people there are.” - Sirius @ Regulus during a family history lesson.
“ I’m gonna bite your toes while you’re sleeping,,, nibble, nibble, nibble” - a drunk Barty @ Evan who is ignoring him.
James: Drops phone on his face.
James: claps friends theme song.
James: picks phone back up like nothing happened.
“I’m a bi guy, a simple bi guy and I am 99% Lilly Evans and 1% Regulus Black.” - James Potter
“ Why do all the cute ones gotta be Deatheaters?” - Rita @ Bellatrix
“Iron chickens do not have iron testicals” - a very drunk Sirius @ an unfortunately sober Remus.
“I have decided that i am a snack it just no one is hungry” - Peter
Marlene: Climbs on train track bridge
Dorcas: “Oh you are so fucking dumb, I look away for 2 seconds”
“No bite, no smile!” - Remus @ James who is trying to take a picture of him too close to the full moon.
“If i was there i’d slap her i don't care if she's 9” - Mary to lily after hearing about the shit her sister was doing to her.
“James, I am a pussy.” - Peter to James about the forbidden forest.
“I would be James’ sugar bab- AHH!” - Lily about James to Mary.
“I have to go through all my saves and delete the videos of him because he turned out to be a pedophile… Hey! I had a chance with him” - Remus probably at some point.
“Was that CORPSE? Woop!” - Drunk Remus at a party.
Remus: “ughhhh”
Sirius: “what?”
Remus: “I hurt and I'm dying.”
Sirius: “don't die, that's for kids”
Barty : sits up really quick "guys I just swallowed the nail, it's in my throat."
Barty: proceeds to cough up the nail
Pandora: shows Regulus a picture she drew "this is cute"
Regulus: "you're cute. wait that didn't go how I wanted it to.”
Barty: “RACCOON WORLDS DOMINATION”
Sirius: “Do I look like a freaking rat?”
Regulus: …..
Sirius: “Don't answer that”
Effie: hears a song playing from james’ room “I used to listen to this song in grade school.”
James: “Oh so it's really old then.”
Remus: "sips coffee stressfully"
Barty: "seductively eats toes"
Evan: "for your next random gift I'll get you a screwdriver
Barty: "thanks I'm gonna kill myself with it"
Marlene: whining "mom James got me addicted to cocaine" wait I mean Crack cookies" - Marlene @ Effie
Nymphadora: tries to lick cat.
Andromeda: "don't lick the kitty."
Dora: proceeds to lick cat.
Barty: "school sh**tings" gives thumbs up
Sirius: shows Remus their high heels
Remus: "okay whore" smacks hand over mouth "wait i- that wasn't supposed to come out"
Sirius: laughs their ass off
James: yells across the store to mom “mom!"
Random person at the checkout: looks at James "I am not mom."
“Effie’s a Milf” - Marlene
“I don't have nothing, other than a few std's” -Remus
“You can eat half a mermaid before you're a cannibal” - Pandora to Regulus
“Probably shouldn't be doing it but we’re definitely going to continue anyway” - Remus, Sirius, James and Peter in sync.
very confused Peter: “leprechauns don't play quidditch.”
Marlene: “like weewoo but not weewoo” exasperated and high off her ass
Sirius: “I like aids”
phone falls off bed
Marlene in an Australian accent: "crikey my phone"
“I’m hooked up to so many wires i could connect to hbo on my heart monitor” - Lily on pain killers to James
"I don't think I can lick that, can I?" -Sirius playing goat simulator
watching cloudy with a chance of meatballs and it's at the part where the mayor destroys the machine and James says " I hope you see the error of your ways, you glutton!”
(talking about Cameron Monaghan) the murder child from my chemical romance - Sirius
"Fuckin’ Sirius"- Remus while asleep
Sirius "I've got middle fingers and i'm not afraid to use them"
Regulus: "do it"
Sirius "I’m a little afraid to use them"
Peter while asleep: groans and sits up fast
James: "you okay?"
Peter "not really."
James: "What's wrong?"
Peter: "I'm gonna have to use the loo to solve the thing."
Sirius: "So were you born in 2006, 2007?"
Narcissa: "i was born in 2004"
Regulus: "i don't mean this in a mean way but wow you are old"
Sirius: "I WANNA HOLD YOU"
Remus "NO, LET ME MAKE COFFEE THEN YOU CAN"
Barty: "I'm gonna do a line off your dresser"
Barty: "i have a headache" pauses "and i have 2 more lines to do"
Mary: "I don't have to do acid I have the that back massager that messes with my balance receptor"
Barty: suddenly sits up
Regulus: “are you okay”
Barty: “i don't know, i'm just gonna go to sleep and try to see what's going on”
Barty: "Why not use a shotgun, it's easier, this is america." (was not in america)
"stop licking the oreos" - Reg @ Barty
"Do i really have to tell you not to mate with the cat"- McGonagall @ the marauders
Remus: “I can feel the brain damage,, and i've got another line”
“MY TRAUMA CAN'T HANDLE THIS!”- Sirius
“Ball licky licky titty croissant” - James trying to learn french from Regulus
“Ooo yay i love being kidnapped!”- Barty probably at some point
“The 3 c's cook, clean, cocktails”- Remus
“The 3 b's bake broil blowjobs”- Sirius
“LET ME UPLOAD MY PORN DAMNIT” - Marlene probably
"Dorcas you should be my sugar mommy" - Pandora
"An air whore" Remus
"My skyrim character is Schizophrenic" - James
"I wanna blow up pumpkins, and People!!!!" -Bellatrix
"I can taste it in my eyeballs" - James
"you can't take terrorists to the airport"-Peter
"I'm really bad at swallowing" - Sirius
“you can't fuck a duck, you'd have to seduce it” - Evan
"Hey your boobs are crooked"- Marlene
"i’m sorry, i accused you of taking my grandpa" -Sirius
"im a gay virgin"-Regulus
"duck now motherfucker" Sirius @ James
"i wanna become a rug or everyone does a line of my ashes when i die" - Remus
"you can't be funny while I'm smoking" -Remus @ First year after he walked out the door
"I'm leaving, i don't care that much about being drug free" - Barty
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Sirius and James were not the same type of rich, I see this a lot, and a lot of people think that it’s canon, which is just, incorrect. James came from new money, Sirius came from old money.
Fleamont Potter’s business heavily, HEAVILY contributed to James’ wealth, sure Harry by our terms and by wizard terms inherited a LOT, absolutely, but from what we know from canon it’s incomparable to the Blacks fortune, it’s like comparing Draco’s and Harry’s wealth at the start of the series, you can’t.
Another thing to add is that the Most Noble and Ancient House of Black has that name for a reason, now sure, just because they’re known doesn’t mean they’re rich but we can quite confidently say they were, if you wanted to argue for the Potters’ being wealthier, you could I guess say that at the time the Blacks were a declining old money family, but they were still incredibly, INCREDIBLY wealthy.
We don’t know for certain how rich they were, or if they were richer than the Malfoys but because of how money works, old money specifically, we can say that at some point in the last few centuries(pre 1980) that they were as rich, or even richer than the Malfoys, however they weren’t as rich as them when it reached the 80’s. We can also guess they had the same amount of money or one of them had more, because Narcissa married Lucius so theoretically, Narcissa would have to be on the same level as Lucius in terms of wealth and vice versa.
Another thing we can use to calculate their wealth is their past history with house elves, from what we know from Ronald Weasley in Chamber of Secrets, a wizard/witch has to be “rolling in dough” to have a house elf, we can then look at the wall of dead house elves heads that the family had, and can make assumptions from there.
So, with all this information, we don’t have an exact amount, but, we know that even if they weren’t as wealthy as we paint them they were still known, and their opinions were highly regarded by an astounding amount, but then again, they were still insanely rich, and in terms of wealth and fame, leagues above the Potters.
The Potters were extremely wealthy, but the Blacks were loaded.
Anyways that’s the end of my Ted talk.
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