Batman: I run a very professional team. We respond to threats with only the appropriate deadly seriousness. Gordon: The purple girl's doing the Macarena. Batman: She's not on the team, we found her in a dustbin one day and now she won't leave.

[Pansy & Hannah have just found Hadley (OC) in a dumpster and have taken her in]

5-year-old Hadley (OC): I can't believe witches are real! I thought they were just something adults made up to scare kids. Like vitamins.

Hannah: Hadley, vitamins are real.

Hadley (OC): Well now I'm thinking they might be!

Blaise: Pansy showed feelings?

Draco: A feeling. Seemed like a human one. It's hard to tell.

you only gave us rights because we gave you riots. 2021 pride.

TIL that in 1903 the New York Times predicted that building a flying machine would be possible in 1-10 Million years.

via ift.tt

[Teddy trying to get Andromeda to talk to Narcissa]

Andromeda: How can you not take my side? Family is everything. You have to hate my sister.

Andromeda: This may come as a shock to you, but not everyone likes you.

Narcissa: Sounds ridiculous, but go on.

Theo: Who wants to have a sleepover at my house?

Pansy, immediately standing up & raising her hand: I do.

Draco & Blaise: *stare at Pansy questioningly*

Pansy: Oh, come on! You guys don't wanna see where this lunatic lives?!

Pansy: [to Theo] No offense.

Theo: It's alright, Pans. I savor your bitterness like a sweet, rancid cream sauce.

Pansy, at Theo's door: Open up.

Theo, through the door: As a child I was neglected by my parents and that's probably the source of my trust issues.

Pansy: I meant the door, but alright.

In 1944 a kitten named George (short for General Electric) was saved from drowning by a U.S. Navy crew member. George was then photographed and given a liberty card and detailed health record. Source.

...so this morning i'm at the public pool, done with my laps, putting on makeup for work and there's a woman and a man -- both easily in their 70s -- who obviously don't know each other coming down the stairs, and she has a little trouble with her balance so he goes, "Can I help?" and holds out his hand and she takes it, navigates the steps while holding on to him and talking about the importance of exercise and he deadass breaks out the "Come here often?" to which she says, "Yes, but some mornings it would be nicer to stay in bed" while batting her lashes at him, and it was such God Tier Flirting that it reaffirmed my entire faith in humanity.

YOU ARE NEVER TOO OLD FOR A MEET CUTE.

I think it’s funny. And the people have spoken.

Better watch out! I'm big brave elephant.

🐘

[After Battle of Hogwarts]

Ginny: I thought that maybe-

Harry: *cuts her off by kissing her*

Ginny: -you'd love me again.

Harry: Who says I stopped?

George: Aww!

Harry & Ginny: *slowly turn toward him*

George: I ruined the moment, didn't I?

Ron, mid battle: You fight like my sister!

Draco: I've fought your sister, that's a compliment!

i think the reason why the assassination of Julius Caesar is one of the funniest political assassinations is for this very simple reason:

1 guy stabs 1 guy: not funny. that's murder.

2 guys stab 1 guy: even less funny. that's two against one.

60 guys stab 1 guy: uproariously funny. why do you need so many guys.

Theo: Hey, I have to ask you a question. Will you be my valentine? Anne (OC): We're married. Theo: Yes, but will you?