#inccorect harry potter quotes | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

uccmd · 2 years

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malfoy, a time traveler, seeing an eleven-year-old version of himself: ah, there you are!

an eleven-year-old draco: w-what?! who are you!?

malfoy: kid, I don't have time to explain. be very careful and listen to what I'm saying, okay? don't miss a damn word!

draco: i-i.. wha-

malfoy: today in the robes store you will meet harry potter - yes, that very boy - and I, that is, we need your best friendly smile and no fucking rude insulting comments! forget everything that has been invested in you for this short period of time by your parents and other pureblood motherfuckers, if you do not want to spend the next ten years of your life in aggressive denial of your feelings and childish resentment, expressed by disgusting behavior, for which you will have to pay with your nose and reputation, and in non-reciprocal love with the most famous and beautiful, brave, kind, stupid and obvious boy - yes, you are gay, yes, It's not wrong - in the magical world until your parents kindly will find you a bride. do you understand me?

draco:

draco: yes, sir

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https-maxine-stuff · 1 year

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Incorrect quotes for “The star-crossed lovers!” + some random scenarios

Draco: What do you mean “Pizza” isn’t spelled Pisa?

Astrid: .. go sit in the corner.

-

Cedric: okay so guess what I found?

Fred: an std?

Cedric: yes and no, Voldemort actually

Astrid: what?

-

Hermione: okay and..tada! *presents and empty plate*

Ron: Hermione what is that?

Hermione:

Hermione: your brain

Ron: but there’s nothing there?

Hermione: exactly.

-

Scorpius: I’m sorry.

Older!Astrid who was just hitting him with a newspaper: for?

Scorpius: for breaking the timeline again..

Older!Astrid: and???

Scorpius: ..and for trying to steal the cup from Cedric and Uncle Harry.

-

Cedric: so how was that bath?

Harry: a ghost saw me naked.

Cedric: oh

-

Professor Sprout: OH MY GOD WHAT IS THAT?

Astrid who was sneaking out a Mandrake: a baby.

-

Older!Astrid: no I don’t want a real tree for Christmas.

Older!Draco: *tearing up* why the bloody hell not?

Older!Astrid: cause last time it had termites.

-

Deatheater!Cedric: you will kneel before me.

Astrid: In your dreams you hufflepuff whore.

Deatheater!Cedric: *gasp*

-

Harry: so that’s where that goes! *put the wrong ingredient into the potion*

Hermione who looked away for a split second: OH MY GOD NO-

-

Older!Draco: This is my mistress, Astoria,, I’m leaving you for her.

Older!Astrid: okay.

Older!Draco: do you not care?

Older!Astrid: not really,, you know considering how we got married?

*flash back*

Omi Evergreen: you will marry him

Astrid; No?

Omi: *pulls out a gun*

Astrid: oh.

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nyxstherapy · 6 months

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*texting*

james: HI regulus: hey james: HOW ARE YOU regulus: good, but why are you texting in capital? james: YOU SAID THAT YOU HATE SMALL TALK SO I MADE IT BIG JUST FOR YOU james: REG? james: LOVE james: WHY AREN'T YOU REPLYING regulus: james, this is pandora, reg is currently crying, i think you broke him

#james is the standard #this happened i was reg's phone #marauders #marauders era #the marauders #the marauders era #harry potter #headcanon #inccorect quotes #marauders incorrect quotes #gryffindor #slytherin #james potter #regulus black #james x regulus #starchaser #jegulus #jegulus headcanon #pandora lovegood

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siriuslygay1981 · 5 months

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James: I bumped into a mannequin and I apologized to it

Regulus: Oh I've done that too-

James: And then I said, "Oh shit sorry, I thought you were a person." And then I realized I was still talking to a mannequin

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slyther-bi · 8 months

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I'm back with my happy snape family au 😊

◇

5yr old Severus: Can we go out to get icecream?

Eileen: Did you ask your father?

Severus: He said no.

Eileen: Then why did you ask me?

Severus: He's not the boss of you.

Eileen, internally: It's a trap, it's a trap, it's a trap.

◇

Teen Severus: Protip is you do not feel good about yourself after eating tomato sauce on iceberg lettuce.

Tobias: What's wrong with you??

Severus: I literally JUST said I ate tomato sauce on iceberg lettuce?? Pay attention.

Eileen: No, he means other than that.

Severus: Ohhhhhh.

Severus: I haven't slept in 4 days.

◇

Teen Severus: *gets a text* Oh! It’s my parents.

Teen Lily, excitedly: Did they get me the stuff?

Severus: Yeah, they says they got you the clown costume, the power drill, and 12 gallons of blood.

Lily: Wow! Where’d they find 12 gallons of fake blood?

Severus: You wanted fake blood?

Lily:

Severus: I’ll go call my parents.

◇

Tobias: Why would you give a knife to our 12 yr old son?!

Eileen, shrugging: He felt unsafe.

Tobias: Now I feel unsafe!

Eileen: I’m sorry…

Eileen: Would you like a knife?

◇

*The Snape Family using a Ouija board*

Tobias: Tell us… Is there a spirit in this house?

Spirit, through the board: YES.

Eileen: Great! Rent is due on the first of the month.

Severus: Oh, and movie night is on Friday if you want to hang out.

Spirit: WAIT, WHAT—

◇

Tobias: Okay, how do I look? Be honest.

Eileen: There’s no critic more honest than our 5yr old son!

5yr old Severus: Bad.

◇

Teen Severus: Mom, in your opinion, what is the height of stupidity?

Eileen, turning to Tobias: How tall are you?

◇

Tobias, talking to an 11yr old Severus on his first day at Hogwarts: Well Severus, whenever I’m about to do something, I think ‘would your mother do that?’ and if she would, I do not do that thing.

11yr old Severus: …

Eileen, from behind Tobias: He's not wrong though

◇

Tobias: What do we say when making bread?

10yr old Severus, glumly: That's the dough rising.

Tobias: And what do we NOT say?

Eileen, sadly: That's the yeast fucking.

◇

Eileen: I dropped our son!

Tobias: Eileen, what the fuck!

◇

Eileen: I told your father that his ears turn red when he lie.

Severus: Do they?

Eileen: No.

Severus: Then why did you tell him that?

Eileen: Because I can do this.

Eileen: Hey Tobias! Do you love us?

Tobias, with his hands over his ears: No.

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wizardingworldofme · 1 year

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Theodore:Why are you smiling?

Draco: What? Can't I just be happy?

Astoria: *rolling her eyes with a sigh* Harry tripped and fell in Hogsmead

Draco: *begins magically laughing*

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slytherin-boys · 7 months

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Severus: God, if only someone loved me…

Evan: *standing behind him with roses*

Klaus: *holding a box of chocolates*

Wes: *has balloons and a card*

Will: *holding a gift*

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snetunia-snosier-lover · 7 months

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Petunia: Hey, Severus, what do you think it would be like if we had kids?

Severus: What would it be like? Inconvenient, mostly.

Petunia: No, I mean, what would they be like, the kids? You ever think about it?

Severus: Can't really say I have.

Petunia: You know, for someone as eccentric as yourself, you can be boring as fuck sometimes.

Severus: Sorry, Tunia. For what it's worth, I'm picturing them now. A boy and a girl. Two perfect little freaks of nature raised by people who've clearly got no business bringin' up anybody.

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radfagirl875 · 2 years

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Dumbledore: Hey Minerva, I have a great idea!

McGonagall: Those are never comforting words, coming from you.

#harry potter #dumbledore #professor mcgonagall #inccorect quotes

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thedeathly-fuckers · 5 years

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Harry: Blue

Draco: Grey

#inccorect quotes #inccorect drarry quotes #inccorect harry potter quotes #harry potter #draco malfoy #drarry

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nerdblob · 3 years

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Remus: did you eat my powdered donuts?

Sirius: no

Remus: then whats that white powder on your face

Sirius: ……… cocaine

[remus checking the cupboard]

Remus: huh my powdered donuts are here

Remus: wait does that mean-

Sirius: *runs*

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uccmd · 2 years

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james: where is regulus?

sirius, bad hearing: who?

james: the love of my life.

sirius: ah, i saw your broomstick in the back yard- wait.

#maraduers #lol #james potter #sirius orion black #regulus black #jegulus #maraduers dialoge #dialogue prompt #character dialogue #regulus x james #james and sirius #meme #funny texts #funny dialogue #incorrect marauders quotes #inccorect harry potter quotes

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https-maxine-stuff · 9 months

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#angst #oc story #oc stuff #oc x canon #right person not enough time #soulmates #harry potter goblet of fire #cedric diggory x oc #hermione granger #ron weasley #inccorect harry potter quotes #harry potter #draco malfoy

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nyxstherapy · 7 months

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remus, angrily: ARE YOU- sirius: fucking remus: KIDDING ME, YOU- sirius: fucking remus: PIECE OF- sirius: shit remus: I HOPE YOU- sirius: fucking remus: TRIP, OVER YOUR- sirius: fucking remus: LACES james:........what the hell was that? sirius: lily has forbidden remus to swear, so I'm helping him out a little bit

#that happened i was the laces #marauders #marauders era #the marauders #sirius black #james potter #remus lupin #lily evans #wolfstar #headcanon #inccorect quotes #remus lupin and his iconic vocabulary #finally some happy marauders #jegulus #marylily #harry potter #gryffindor #the marauders era

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siriuslygay1981 · 10 months

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Part 4 of Conversations I've had that r so marauders coded

Regulus: Why haven't I been cancelled yet. Like I'm waiting.

Come on do it.

It's the only thing keeping me going.

Get on with it already

#marauders fandom #dead gay wizards from the 70s #marauders era #regulus black #the pantheons #slytherin #regulus arcturus black #inccorect quotes #harry potter marauders #marauders incorrect quotes

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slyther-bi · 1 year

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Severus: Sometimes I get so caught up on being gay that I forget I’m actually bi.

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