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minty364 · 3 months

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Minty's Master Post

So, I've been asked a couple times for a master post

DPXDC Prompt #43

Danny had kept many secrets from his family over the years. He kept his history as an ex-assassin secret, the fact that he had a twin a secret, the fact that he had died (well half died), and he kept that he was technically king of all ghosts a secret too. He was gearing up to tell his parents about everything he was and this trip to Gotham that they were planning.

There was a science convention that his parents were invited too. Little did they know a group of cultists were planning on kidnapping his family as a sacrifice to the ghost king, they needed 5 and they figured the Fentons would be good, a family of ghost hunters getting sacrificed to the king? They needed a 5th so they also kidnapped a Damian Wayne.

now all 5 of them are in a room, Danny doesn’t even know what’ll happen when the summoning doesn’t work and he knows it won’t seeing as you can’t summon the king into a room he’s already in.

DPXDC Prompt #58

Gotham is a city with a lot of ambient ectoplasm, enough that the Fentons move here instead of Amity Park. Danny being a pretty smart kid being the son of 2 scientists gets a scholarship to Gotham academy where he makes friends with Tim and Damian. Well the 2 were only doing it at first because they wanted to keep an eye on them scientists rarely didn’t become rouges in Batman’s gallery so can you really blame them for being cautious?

Danny is telling them about the portal that they were trying to build and how it wasn’t working and how Danny felt guilty about it. The 3 venture down there when the parents are gone and Danny wearing his hazmat goes into the portal while the other 2 watch on. Danny trips and no one’s having a good time.

They decided to take Danny to Wayne manor until they can figure out what exactly happened to him, unfortunately Danny’s new powers act up and he winds up phasing through the floor into the basement… or more accurately the Bat cave.

this one has been changed a bit from the prompt but I think those changes are more natural

DPXDC Prompt #61

In one universe Damian was sent to live with his father at age 10, in another he winds up escaping Nanda Parbat to America after faking his death. He changed his name to Danny and moves in with a family called the Fentons. Danny dies and is revived by the portal and even becomes king of the infinite realms.

Danny falls through a portal into Gotham but not his universes Gotham but one where he becomes Robin instead. He and Robin meet and of course this version of him assumes Danny’s a clone. Everyone else is just confused and Danny just wants to go home to his universe or does he since the GIW doesn’t exist in this universe…

DPXDC Prompt #108

When you meet your soulmate you both feel it, you know down to your bones that this person was meant to be with you for life, if you’re unable to find them before you pass on, your ghosts will be unable to locate each other in the afterlife. The Fentons tried to make a way to locate your soulmate using ectoplasm, unfortunately for Danny he’s the only one in the family yet to find his. Jazz actually found hers when she started school in Gotham, some guy named Jason, if Danny remembered correctly. They try some experiments with Danny and something works just not as intended as with every piece of Fenton tech. Danny wakes up in an unfamiliar room and in an unfamiliar body. Looking around, it appears his soulmate is rich, he’s got to call his soulmate and explain the situation. He’s not looking forward to explaining his powers to them but if they’re going to be in his body best to let them know what to expect from Danny’s weird biology.

Damian woke up to an unfamiliar ringtone in an unfamiliar room. Assessing the situation he noticed the number from the phone was actually his own. Might as well answer it to see if he could get some answers.

DPXDC Prompt #128

No one was quite sure what happened, They had gone after Joker and while Batman was hesitant to allow Hood along he had gotten better about his anger and everyone else was busy with other rouges. one second Red Hood had a gun in Jokers face the next, there was a shift in Hood like he wasn’t himself anymore. Unfortunately it finally happened for Hood, his soulmate had reached 20 years of age and the two switched places. The person controlling his body now though was Danny Fenton who happens not to like clowns.

Danny was panicking and not realizing he was holding a gun pulls the trigger causing the Joker the go flying and Danny’s panic to increase 10 fold. He whips his head to get a look at his surroundings and that’s when he panics further and slowly places the gun on the ground and slowly raise his hands into the air. There in front of him was Batman and he knew he was in trouble. Still panicking he squeaked at the dark knight’s approach, “I’m sorry!! I- I guess I’m this guy’s soulmate. I didn’t mean to hurt anyone”

Jason meanwhile wasn’t fairing any better. He was pissed the clown was right in front of him and he was so close! He was in this scrawny body, his soulmate happened to be in Gotham but by the looks of it, he was in rough shape, a small fever was forming and it seemed like he had bandages wrapped around his torso. Jason doesn’t know what happened to him but he’s taking him to Alfred, he wasn’t going to let his soulmate bleed out in an alley even if he did have the worst timing.

DPXDC Prompt #136

Danny falls through a natural portal and gets turned into a dog. I’m thinking he gets turned into something husky adjacent like a pomsky or something. He gets found by Jon who wants to give him to his friend and possible crush Damian. Danny wants to get back he was in the middle of some ghost politics but this young kid seemed like he needed a friend. Danny could see through Damian’s cold exterior and what Danny saw was a little kid who went through a lot of trauma in his childhood and Danny wanted to protect him.

DPXDC Prompt #142

It was considered a pretty big deal when a new ancient gets born. Danny didn’t and wouldn’t know this when he gets into an accident. A signal went out to all magic users that the ancient of space was born as soon as he stepped out of the portal and then things changed. If you could make a deal with an ancient it increased your power way more than that of a demon. Soon Danny gets chased by all sorts of folk trying to make a deal with him. He then gets caught by John Constantine who takes him back to the safety of the watchtower. What is the safest place to put the space ancient? In space!

DPXDC Prompt #148

Danny didn’t want to go to the gala but since all of his friends were busy with their own soulmates there wasn’t much he could argue. Vlad invited his family and him to a gala out in Gotham and his parents jumped at the opportunity to show their madness with some of the elite. Danny couldn’t wait to get home, yes he knew he had a soulmate but he wasn’t sure if he wanted to pursue them or not.

They could feel each other’s emotions and his soulmate was an angry person. Danny’s whole life his soulmate acted mad and strangely prideful. But those didn’t compare to his fear, they seemed to have gotten themselves in trouble in the past and maybe even had a few close encounters with death. They also seemed to bottle feelings up from what he could tell his soulmate might not have had the best childhood but Danny couldn’t really say much on that.

Damian knew his soulmate was kind of soft. They seemed to get annoyed at his family typical for a teen. Of all the things he noted about him his dislike of Christmas was a little odd but not everyone has to like the holidays he supposed. His mother Talia imparted on him that he should protect his soulmate with his life when he finds him so he was very determined to find them. Of course galas we’re the best place to look so he desperately asked every time his father hosted one.

When this finally get's posted I've been trying for hours now, LMAO

#dp x dc prompt #dp x dc #dc x dp #danny fenton #danny phantom #my asks are open #all my prompts are free to use #Masterpost

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summonerj · 1 year

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I love the whole Cryptic BatFam thing going around, so I thought I’d put my own two cents into the ring.

They where human once, just not anymore because of Gotham. Gotham isn’t a ghost but something close that feeds on emotion and belief. She saw what Batman was doing and decided to help. Nobody realizes that they’ve changed, as the changes came slowly(because She’s weak and human belief can only do so much), and the effects become almost unnoticeable out of costume. That doesn’t mean they disappear because they absolutely can still do it out of costume if they wanted, but once in costume they have to physically try to act human, they just never notice because they never needed to act human while in costume.

Gotham gives them stuff people believe they can do, She picks what She likes and gives it to them. Someone believes Batman is one with the shadows? Now he blends in even better. Robin is immortal? Hell Yeah, She’s pulling him out of the grave. Nightwing can channel electricity? Yeah he can do that, he just doesn’t know it. Someone believes something She doesn’t like? Veto, denied. People stopped believing them? To bad, She already gave it to them and no take backs.

She made sure to have the powers transferred to whoever holds the title after Jason came in the picture and became Robin, but She also made sure that just because someone is wearing the costume doesn’t mean they can just become Robin or Batman, She has to check and verify that yes you can become them. So Tim just thinks that he just became better at playing Robin instead of what actually happened. This also means that Robin becomes more Other whenever someone new holds the title because of everyone’s interpretation changes with each new variation.

They also created a new language of sounds. Bruce first started it as a way to keep his identity secret by making a whole new language based on rumbles, growls and snarls in order to communicate with Alfred in secret. Gotham saw this and decided to help by making it feel more natural to communicate like this as Batman. When Robin came in She changed him similarly. Instead of growls and snarls it was thrills and chirps. Batgirl has a mix of growls and chirps.

After Dick moved on to Nightwing, he added more rumbles to his speech. And when Jason became Red Hood he changed it similar to how Batman speaks to mess with him, but still used the chirps and thrills from his time as Robin, and a different kind of chirps and thrills as well(yes you know which ones). Tim used more growls and snarls when looking for B so that’s what Red Robin uses now. They make more meanings for the new sounds they create.

You know how human belief can only do so much. Enter Danny. He believed that they were Other. He was Other. That powered Gotham up enough to make it real. She gave them bigger gifts, bigger changes, stuff would have been noticed but wasn’t because it was subtle as it happened slowly, because Danny was still half human. That didn’t matter much when Danny became the fucking Ghost King however. That was enough to make it permanent.

Danny goes to Gotham, and now the BatFam has to explain to a ghost that no they are human, when being as obviously inhuman as possible. And that’s when they realize something’s wrong, because it’s a lot harder to pretend to be human when in costume.

#dp x dc #dc x dp #dp x dc crossover #cryptid batfamily #bruce wayne #batman #dick grayson #nightwing #jason todd #tim drake #damian wayne #barbra gordon #red hood #red robin #batgirl #danny fenton #danny phantom #ghost king danny #This was because I was stuck thinking about this for a week #Robin is believed to be an entity that never dies; only changing #Nobody understands the no metas in Gotham role. That’s okay they don’t have to #Danny already knew about them before he half died #For some reason I’m imagining Gotham as someone creating their first oc’s #So they gave them everything they liked and didn’t think of the consequences #The robin is immortal came because the Joker was bragging about how he killed Robin and the Bat was mad for this to be true #Only for Robin to come back 6 m later and with the Bat much more protective #So obviously Robin raised from the ashes and the only thing the Joker did was anger Bat and reset Robin #Gotham used this to revive Jason

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via-the-cryptid · 11 months

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ok so like. the Riddler is obviously baffled by the fact that a little girl managed to just… phase right through the fuckin wall. like that might as well just happen, I guess, but how??? he has no prior knowledge of Ellie’s Ghostliness(TM) and therefore concludes that 1. a meta snuck into Gotham and Batman hadn’t noticed yet, and 2. this little girl has managed to successfully evade not only the Joker and himself, but also the goddamn Batman.

obviously, Eddie needs to know more, and what better way than to find her again? and this time, he refuses to let her escape so easily.

it’s kind of a mix between “who are you little stranger”, “someone actually managed to outsmart me?? what???”, and “hhhholy fuck this kid’s a menace. I swear if she doesn’t die I’m making her my heir”.

so, Riddler goes on the hunt, and Ellie goes on the run. time and again, he just misses her as she manages to phase through the walls or turn invisible at the last second. much like Danny in his early stages, Ellie’s powers are all out of whack and she has to adjust to using them safely, since she’s now an actual half-alive/half-dead entity and not slowly destabilizing as her body eats away at itself from the inside out. for her, the Riddler is basically good practice from someone who seems marginally less murderous towards her than the rest (cough cough, the Joker).

and then one day, I don’t know how, maybe she’s tired or maybe he’s lucky, but the Riddler actually succeeds. Ellie gets trapped with the puzzle as the Riddler watches with glee, so excited to finally get his answers.

he steps into the room and she’s immediately on edge, because even if he’s not actively coming at her with a sledgehammer, he’s still a threat and she’s still in danger. the Riddler, on the other hand, can’t help but be impressed… and also mildly concerned. she’s just a lot, well, younger than he thought she was.

and MEANWHILE with Ellie, she’s been trying to dodge villains (not ghosts, but villains, because apparently wherever she ended up is a goddamn clown show) for the past week or two and she’s getting fed up with it. now she’s trapped, exhausted, and irritated beyond belief, staring down a man who, while not dressed like a clown this time, still looks like the kind of weirdo you only find in a New York Walmart at 4am. so against her better judgement, she decides, fuck it. might as well play along.

so imagine her surprise when the first thing he says is,

“Wait, how old are you again?”

The Riddler blinks a few times, because honestly he wasn’t expecting himself to say that either, but he’s said it and he’s not taking it back. Ellie just kinda stares at him with a baffled look before going, “wouldn’t you like to know, Question Man.”

“Where are your parents??”

“Never had any. Can I go now?”

And now Eddie’s getting a headache, because goddamnit the genius baby is an orphan and his first instinct was ‘I want to keep her’. He had better not be turning into Batman, he swears.

#danny phantom #danny phantom au #dp x dc #dc comics #dani phantom #danielle phantom #ellie phantom #the riddler #dc riddler #Gotham Ghost AU

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ecoamerica · 1 month

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youtube

Watch the 2024 American Climate Leadership Awards for High School Students now: https://youtu.be/5C-bb9PoRLc

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bongo-clash · 2 years

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Peacock Au Part 1

Okay so Big Huge credit to @stealingyourbones for letting me do my own take on their amazing eldritch Danny idea!!!! This started out as me just doing a drawing but then I ended up with a whole DPxDC fic that I'll be posting the part two for at some point!!! Anyway, here's the vague designs:

And here's the part one of the fic under the cut!!! :D (Edit: Part 2 is Here!!)

There’s a Lazarus Pit forming underneath Gotham. Normally, this would not concern John Constantine at all, because it’s Gotham, therefore Bat territory therefore not his problem, and honestly he has his own things to worry about. Unfortunately for him, however, the infamous Dark Knight has somehow gotten it into his head that he can do something about it and, Hell, he’d said it would be a ‘big favour’, which meant the man really must be desperate; had to have been in the first place, he supposed, to have even bothered with John in the first place.

Still, he’d almost kind of forgotten what a huge mess any kind of favour for Batman could be, and thus, he now holds possession of a book that is probably going to get him killed.

Whether the actual book itself wants to kill him is up for debate, but Constantine has read the contents of this particular Book of Summonings and nothing in here seems remotely safe. He’s absolutely going to be hiding this away somewhere deep in the archives of the archives of the Justice League watchtower with an incredibly pointed ‘DO NOT TOUCH’ on it once he’s done with this, but for now, it’s the only thing he’s got in the way of sorting out this Pit problem.

There’s an entity that exists, this book claims, that keeps the balance between realms. ‘Closes doors’, apparently, and the doors the pages depict certainly look like a Lazarus Pit. This is brilliant news, obviously, but the book doesn’t describe the entity itself at all beyond that; barely any of the other entries are as vague as this, and that plus some of the frankly bizarre sigils he’s having to draw to summon the damn thing are giving him no comfort. The only remotely comforting thing about it is that the ritual doesn’t require any blood- which either means the entity is benign, or it wants something more valuable than blood.

…Okay, maybe not that comforting, actually.

But, before he can consider that maybe this wasn’t his best idea and backing out would be for the best, the sigils flare with light, and Constantine squints to keep track of the way they activate, desperate for any indication of what he’s managed to summon with that stupid book.

His feet feel feathery against the ground, like they’re barely tethered by gravity and just waiting to float away, and perhaps the seeming lack of atmosphere is fitting with how dust like stars lift from the summoning circle, bringing with them intercepting layers of purple-blue-pink-white, galaxies and nebulae being peeled off the floor. It comes with a sound- something whistling, almost. Seeming hollow, between a shriek and a bell ringing, or maybe more musical than that. It seems to change every moment he tries to focus on it, as if it’s something his ears can’t really hear but his brain is desperate to process, painful to try.

And then, the entity begins to form.

Unnoticeably at first, a white glow drifts forming in the centre. It congeals as Constantine’s gaze finally fixates on it, layers forming like jellyfish trails, or flowers, or peacock feathers with runic circles at the tips, fading smaller and smaller as they reach the centre, and a thing akin to a body unfolds into view at the front, a centrepiece. A child’s image of a shadow in opalescence, a strange curving feature where a neck might be, and searing-green spots of varying sizes scattered along the space where cheeks and eyes could’ve been, fading up and down across the lower-half of the ‘face’ and into the ‘hair’. He barely understands what he’s looking at, but maybe that’s the point.

The sound of a thunderstorm rings across the room, and the curve of the neck unfolds, and it’s an eye, and the tips of a thousand twisted, cosmic peacock feathers become eyes as well, if they weren’t always. They move, wavering, either lashing or flickering from visibility.

“And what is this?” The voice is a kaleidoscope, echoing off and from every corner of the room, and when they speak, infinite eyes become infinite mouths, too many teeth barely contained by the edges of what seem vaguely like frostbitten lips. To have something even remotely human suddenly etch itself onto the entity is somehow worse than the parts he can’t comprehend. “Who are you, to have summoned me, and seem so afraid?”

Constantine wishes, maybe for the first time, that it hadn’t been an obligation to do this alone; he’s never wanted Batman or one of the Light members with him more than now. It’s a difficult thing, almost impossible, to shake off the speechlessness. It’s a wonder that it’s possible at all, with how the room seems to have been twisted into a vacuum. “I was told you could- you could help with the pits?”

“The pits. There are many pits.”

God, this is creepy. “The Lazarus pits to, uh, to be specific. There’s a huge one cropping up under Gotham that’s not supposed to be there, and the local- I mean, the locals are getting antsy about it. …I heard you can take care of them.”

“I can smell its blood between the gaps of atmosphere, encircling. You, whose soul is bound in so many directions, who may be pulled apart like meat in time- can you sense it? Does it draw you?” John doesn’t know how this- this thing knows that, but he’s scared asking will invoke some kind of consequence, and more and more he’s wondering why the Hell he decided to do Batman this favour. He feels exposed.

“Uh… no, I don’t think so. But can you fix it?”

“Yes.”

“…Will you fix it?”

The chill is getting to him. Goosebumps are running across his arms like a livewire, and he’s never doing anyone a favour ever again. The entity makes an approximation of a hum, his ears shriek with whale song and stars, and after a pause, everything switching up and down on itself, the peacock eyes form into huge, reaching hands. For a second, Constantine’s whole body freezes with terror, because he’s petrified the thing’s going to grab him, but then the arms tumble phasing into the ground, and the green spots on their ‘face’ flare with a supernova glow and they make another piercing noise, chiming or trilling.

A long moment later, the hands slowly return to the entity’s back, and fade into the peacock feathers or jellyfish bells or whatever they were before, blinking at him. “It is gone.”

“Uh… cheers?”

“It will not return, but this place shall see its dead for some time. Try not to look.”

This is maybe the worst day of Constantine’s life. “Can I- uh, yeah, great advice. ‘Appreciate it. But, can I ask just, y’know, what you are? Or not.”

“That is up to you.” They say, and though the eyes that appear briefly between sentences bely or reveal no expression, it feels scrutinising. “What is it that closes doors? Is it alive?”

He hates riddles. He hates riddles and he hates cosmic horrors and he hates eldritch entities and he hates Batman for getting him to agree to this horrible favour. He wants to go back to the House of Mystery and pass out for long enough that this whole thing becomes a dream. “Fair enough! Forget I asked- cheers for sorting out that pit, though. Uh, don’t suppose you’ll just let me go on my way or anything now.”

“I know of your Bat.”

Oh dear. Constantine’s stomach sinks like a shipwreck into the Mariana Trench, but the entity moves on like they’d never even said it. “I will recede, and find you in time, perhaps both. You will know when I am coming, and I will find my recompense.”

And just like that, their whole form shimmers into clouds and pearls and smoke and mirrors, and they fade back into the runes that summoned them like tap water down the drain. The galaxies they’d formulated within the confines of the room fold back in on themselves and turn to whispers and then nothing, but the feeling persists on his skin long after weight has settled back onto his bones. He hadn’t known a thing like that existed until now. He doesn’t know what it can do, doesn’t know how all-encompassing it truly is.

And he owes it a favour.

Crap.

#I'll be posting the part two at some point soon since it's already written out so prepare for that lmao!!#Warning that there might be some mistakes in here since I literally just wrote this and the second part a couple hours ago #This is a Little bit of a thing about my hc on the Ghost Monarchy and how it isn't Actually a monarchy #It's just that the 'king' keeps the actual physical balance of the GZ (ie natural portal stuff) & the title originally had a different name #But when Pariah Dark took the mantle he decided it made him the ruler of the GZ and that's why the Ancients took him down #But I'll talk more abt that if I ever get around to finishing that GZ culture/history/evolution post thing I had planned lmao!!!!#Either way I Love Eldritch Danny sm and writing this was so so fun!!!#Part two will be from Danny's perspective!!!#I might colour those drawings and stuff at some point but for now I like them as they are!!!#Also before I forget I Am still thinking about that pizza delivery guy pt. 2 I just got stuck a bit!!! It'll hopefully appear at some point #dp au #danny phantom au #dpxdc #john constantine #danny phantom fanart #dp fanart #danny phantom #Bongo's Aus!!!#Bongo's Writing!!!#Bongo's Art!!!#tw body horror #peacock au

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schrijverr · 5 months

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The Hearts of Gotham 1

Chapter 1 out of 7

Bruce makes the Justice League believe he has two hearts and is a manifestation of Gotham’s night to throw them off his secret identity, not trusting them. When the sound system breaks, he doesn’t come clean, but lies instead that he split into two to make Robin. From there it spirals as all the Robins make the lies grow and twist it in their own ways, until the truth comes out.

This fic is based on this post and inspired by Bouncing Baby Bat, or so the Justice League is led to believe... by EmpressGeek.

On AO3.

Ships: none

Warnings: none

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Chapter 1: How Bruce Made Himself out to Be a Cryptid

Let it be known that Bruce never intended for it to end up like this. Truly, had he known then how it would end, he might just have been honest with the Justice League when they formed, but instead paranoia had overtaken him and now it has spiraled into this.

Okay, let’s back up a little. It starts like this: Bruce doesn’t want to join the Justice League that these others are forming for bigger threats. In his mind, they are the possible bigger threat, seen in how effective they are against other big threats. The fact that they can’t see that makes him only more wary.

However, the others seem determined to see this done, so if Bruce wants to keep a close eye on them, it’s better to be involved. With his tech being used, he’ll know all the back doors. With him in the meetings, he’ll know the protocols will be good. With him in the training, he’ll be able to study their weaknesses and plan for contingencies.

So, he joins to soothe his own worries and doom scenarios. He joins so he can monitor them all and step in should it go awry.

But being able to observe them, means that in turn he’ll be observed too.

He is very careful about his identity thus far, because he knows what’s at stake. His own voice is that of Batman, so if he’s taken by surprise out in the field it won’t be different. He wears lifts in his Batman boots to make him taller, more intimidating, less human. He stays in the shadow, never lets anyone observe him better.

Because if he’s ever found out, a lot of things will come crumbling down. The police is only half convinced that there is an actual person under there and there is a big factor ready to arrest him, should they catch him. Though luckily also a faction moving to working together with him.

Should he be arrested, Alfred will likely go down as accomplice and spend his retirement in a prison with Wayne Enterprises falling into the hands of a semi-corrupt board that will weasel out the non-corrupt like he is trying to weasel out the corrupt now.

Hundreds of thousands will loose their jobs, programs that keep the less fortunate from going under will disappear, the public transport system will decay and the name his parents made for themselves will forever be tainted by him. And that’s not even mentioning the crime that will run rampant without Batman, all the people that could go through what he did.

No, he can’t be found out.

So, he has to be careful when working with this newly formed Justice League. Throw them off his scent so they’ll never connect the dots. But it has to be subtle, something he can keep up, something not everyone would note.

The person he’s most worried about getting on his trail is Clark Kent, or Superman, as he is known, an investigative journalist. The others are less like him or Clark, people who go out and look for things that irk their brains, but Clark has been assigned their leader. He’ll want to know and he’ll want to dig.

He is also a person who might be able to find Bruce. His secret identity is as solid as it can be, but he’s only human and there are cracks. As a reporter, Clark interacts with both Bruce and Batman and he has extra abilities to help him.

He must be stopped.

So, before his first meeting with the Justice League, Bruce sinks into a pit of what-ifs, until his paranoia forces him to action. And he sows a sound system into his suit, that plays an extra heartbeat, making it seem like there are two hearts beating in his chest.

Bruce’s logic is, that if the supers in the League would hear his two heartbeats as Batman, they would look for that if they wanted to find him and since he doesn’t have two heartbeats as Bruce, they never would unless he was being Batman, thus open to being found.

It’s a solid plan in his mind. The League consists of all sorts of people, both human and non-human, no one would ask too many invasive questions about his supposed biology. It’s perfect.

Thus, it comes to be that Batman enters the Justice League as a cryptid non-human entity. Not something he planned for exactly, but the Batman is already more than a man, said to be a demon or a vampire. It helps with intimidation and it helps with his cover. The others already think him to be more than human, why not play into it? It’s not like he trusts them. He’s here to monitor, not befriend.

It’s a solution that soothes his anxieties and enables him to actually work. It’s also easy and low profile, as well as something that can grow organically as the moment calls.

The first times it happens, is when they’re making a protocol about when it is alright to step in on another hero’s turf. Bruce is the one, who insisted on making protocols, wanting to have written guides he could force the others to follow, rules they are held accountable by.

“No metas in Gotham,” he first lays down the law for his own city. “We can make protocols for other cities to suit the heroes wishes and what is reasonable. But there will not be anyone but me in Gotham, I don’t care how severe you think it is. Unless you have an explicit invitation from me, you aren’t welcome.”

“What the hell, man!” Hal exclaims and others are also frowning.

Clark, as always, steps in to mediate: “Batman, we’re willing to follow your lead in your city and I agree that a heroes wishes should be considered, but there no reason not to be civil. You’re a meta, you know life can be hard enough as is.”

Bruce does feel a little guilty then, because despite his wariness, everyone here has been nothing but nice – overly nice in that peppy hero way, but still – and he doesn’t mean to be rude. He just knows that the type of crime fighting they do, doesn’t mesh with Gotham and he can’t have them ruin his city.

So, he crosses his arms and tries to project sternness instead of guilt as he says: “And I am stating my wishes clearly. No metas in Gotham is a neutral statement. You made it loaded.”

“You’re being hypocritical, Batman,” J’onn says not unkindly, probably picking up on some of the guilt, despite his mental barriers and misinterpreting.

“I am not, I am being clear,” Bruce says, as stubborn as ever, while mentally running through all the random knowledge he has acquired in the years of being Batman. Then he adds: “And I am being clear, because you coming will completely ruin the ecosystem.”

“Ruin the ecosystem?” Diana repeats, still learning the new lingo of the world of men.

“Yes,” Bruce says, glad that his acting classes under Alfred are paying off. “When I say that I am the night, I am very serious about that. I am Gotham’s night, come to life. The hearts of the city beat in me. My villains are created by what Gotham is as a city, they won’t respond well to you. You’re an invasive species. Who knows the kinds of irreparable damage you could cause?”

That sounds pretty logical to his own ears and he makes a mental note to get Poison Ivy some perks in Arkham when he gets back. He also makes a not to record what he said later, as to not contradict himself down the line.

“You’re literally the night?” Hal chuckles, a little disbelievingly.

“You’re a space cop,” Barry rightfully points out. “We work together with two aliens, a woman with wings and an Amazonian princess. Is a personification of the night really a stretch?”

“It just seems fantastical that’s all,” Hal shrugs, body language giving away that he feels a little bad about his outburst. But not bad enough to not defend it, because he adds: “Everyone else seems to have at least a bit of a basis in science.”

“Magic is quite real,” Diana says, stunning them all into silence for a second.

Clark clears his throat after a second, then says: “Thank you, we’ll keep that in mind for later meetings. So, uhm, no metas in Gotham,” he gets them on track. “Does that also apply for non-hero meddling? Like if someone has to be there due to secret identity obligations?”

Bruce knows why he’s asking. It might sound like a general question, but unlike the others, he actually knows who they are in their civilian lives. And he’s seen Superman out of uniform at his galas.

However, he doesn’t let it show. Having Clark hear only one heartbeat in his chest at the galas will only strengthen his secret identity. So, he curtly says: “If you don’t interfere with its business, Gotham will let you in.”

“Alright,” Clark says, looking a little disturbed. “I’ll note that down. No metas in Gotham. Now, what about anyone else’s city? Something else we should know about when not trespassing?”

The others gratefully take the reason to move on and Bruce has to hold in a snort, because it’s quite amusing to see these superpowered beings buy into his make belief. To have them be scared of him, who is just a man.

But it is also comforting, because if they are scared, they’ll listen. He needs them to listen to him, to value his opinion as one of their own, because maybe then he can ensure that they will become that line of good they have the potential to be, instead of the force of destruction they can also become. For that, he is glad.

Furthermore, he registers that his ruse is working in his favor. It gets him what he wants while minimizing conflict, thus it is good to maintain.

So, as they build the Justice League together – something that takes a lot more meetings and paper work than some of them were expecting, he observes – he maintains and builds his lie further. He establishes himself as the night of Gotham and expands on his backstory as he goes.

A little while later they’re in a meeting about their fighting abilities. They have already worked in the field together, but during the big emergency, but that doesn’t make for good observation circumstances. Therefore they have this meeting, so that all are on the same page about what they can do.

Bruce has contemplated making himself out to be scarier than he actually is. However, when it is his turn, he doesn’t invent invulnerabilities or abilities for himself, it can be detrimental in the field to have given others unrealistic expectations.

Thus, when it’s his turn to answer, he honestly says: “When it comes to any unnatural abilities, I function as a normal human would. Nothing more. Nothing less.”

“No way,” Barry says, leaning on his hand and observing Bruce closer. “No powers? None?”

“Yeah, I don’t buy it, Spooky. With all the vanishing you do,” Hal agrees.

“Then maybe we should have another stealth day,” Bruce says seriously, because what he does is not that difficult and can be taught. As heroes, they should have a certain amount of skills in every field, though maybe it’s good for them to not be fully competent. Makes it easier to take them out should the day come.

Hal quickly makes a zipping his mouth shut motion, before Bruce can continue on with his threat that he is still contemplating.

Before it can get out of hand, everyone gets distracted by Shiera asking: “Really? You want us to believe that the physical manifestation of Gotham’s night has no power?”

“Yes, that does seem quite miraculous,” Diana agrees open eyed and well intended.

“Yeah, you have no clue what sort of stories come out of there,” Barry adds. “Well, I’m kind of assuming you don’t, since I suppose you don’t leave your city often and maybe you don’t really read our news if you do. But like it’s crazy. There was a while where I wasn’t even sure you existed or if there truly was a vampire out there.”

As they all talk, Bruce is silent, quickly thinking. Is he going to have to lie? Make up some powers that are minor enough that they won’t accidentally risk his life when he doesn’t want it to be risked? No, Alfred will kill him.

Fuck, he never thought they wouldn’t believe him if he told them he operated with no powers. He should have planned for this. Stupid. Note to self: plan more contingencies.

In the end, something comes to him right before it becomes weird that he isn’t answering. So, he answers: “I am the manifestation of Gotham’s night. Gotham is wholly human and remains so, that which powers me is human.”

“Wouldn’t it be beneficial then to have more metas in Gotham? So that you can get powers?” Barry asks, the curiosity of the scientist shining through.

It’s a good question too, and Bruce quickly bullshits: “No, because my villains are created in reaction to me. If I am stronger, so will their challenge be and Gotham will face more destruction.”

“Would that mean your villains disappear when you do?” Hal asks.

“No,” Bruce says again, cursing himself for not planning better. “The city creates them, but not like it creates me. It’s the shadow that hangs over Gotham that brings out the worst in people. They are not like me. They are humans. But if my shadow grows bigger, so will that of the city.”

“Man, that’s confusing,” Hal complains and Bruce is glad his own twists threw them off.

He is even more glad when Clark steps in: “And it’s not our place to question Batman or poke holes. Let’s all be civil. Batman, I’ll note down no powers.”

“Thank you,” Bruce replies, because Alfred raised him better than to not thank someone.

And so he goes on establishing himself as Gotham’s night. He has a writing frenzy wherein he fleshes out his lie to the League as to never be caught unawares again like that, before carefully and calculatedly dropping things into conversation as time goes on.

“Batman, you’re seriously injured, I saw that bot hit your head! You really should let us take a look at that,” Clark says after one of their earlier battles.

“No, I need to go to Gotham, my city strengthens me,” he lies, as to slip out so that Alfred can take a look at it. Hopefully the man won’t scold him too bad for traveling via Zeta-Beam while having a concussion.

Or during a boring meeting, when he suddenly gets up. Diana asks: “Batman, what is wrong? I did not hear an emergency call.”

“Gotham needs me,” he lies again, deciding that he sits through enough boring meetings as Brucie not to want to do it as Batman too. At least, not right now. He has a case he’d rather be working on, more important too. “It calls to me.”

As he leaves, he hears Barry whisper to Hal: “That sounds useful, I always just cross my fingers that I’ll catch it when it happens.”

However, over time it peters out. He has let all the relevant pieces drop and he feels that it doesn’t fit to share more. They know what he wants them to know and no one has caught on to the fact that he even has a civilian identity – something he’s loathe to admit, he stole from Clark. So, he stops and settles in with what he has.

And time continues to pass like that. Bruce gets to know his fellow League members better, learns how they think and where their morals lie. He starts to respect them, then tentatively trust them.

Most of them reveal their identities – never pressuring Bruce, since they don’t think he has one, despite Clark revealing his own – and become friends rather than colleagues. Bruce even thinks of them as friends.

However, he doesn’t say a word to them, never feels the need to reveal himself. To them he is the night, like he is Brucie to the board, and that suits him just fine. He is their friend, but he never forgets the power they hold and he never forgets his own responsibility in monitoring them.

The Justice League is set up to counter threats and one of the threats is the Justice League itself. He has just positioned himself to counter that threat, should it ever come to pass. And being non-human is a part of that. It’s as simple as that.

Besides, he befriended all of them based on a lie. To reveal now how much he distrusted them, how much he kept from them and how much he lied can only end in disaster. They’ll hate him for lying and they’ll never trust him again. He can’t risk that.

So, when the sound system in his suit breaks without him noticing and Clark exclaims: “Batman, are you okay? I can only hear one of your hearts beating,” Batman doesn’t hesitate to commit further to his lie.

He has made many contingencies for it breaking while on missions or during a meeting, but with how careful he is with his equipment, it never occurred to him that he would show up for an average meeting without it working.

“It’s okay,” he says, trying to think as fast as he can about what will make sense as explanation.

“That sounds more like you are ill, my friend,” J’onn speaks up, picking up on the anxiety wave that had crashed through him.

“No, no, I am fine, I assure you,” Bruce insists, landing on a solution. “My second heart has formed enough and I have split into two. It needs time to reform, but then I will be fine.”

For a moment, it is silent.

Then the whole room explodes with noise as the others demand what the hell that means and who he has split up into and how that even happens. It’s not something Bruce planned to do, but he’s in too deep now. This was his last chance to come clean and turn back and he didn’t take it. This is going to be his life forever now.

Guess, Dick is getting his wish and meeting the Justice League, instead of being stashed as far away from them as possible to keep him safe. This can be an exercise in obfuscation and keeping cover, he thinks.

A/N:

As of much with Bruce’s earlier Batman career, 90% of what he does is just straight up bullshit that he is pulling out of his ass lmao and I love that for him <3

Also, you can’t convince me that ‘Gotham needs me’ isn’t his excuse when he doesn’t want to be somewhere anymore.

(also I have finished this fic already and I can be manipulated into posting quicker if there is interest)

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antimonyandthyme · 10 months

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sewis batman au

Seb is Not Happy about it.

Mark says, “You like cars,” like that’s any consolation.

“It’d be fine if you were sending me there to watch cars, I do like that,” Seb says. “But you’re sending me there to babysit.”

“You’re talking about the world champion,” Mark says, as if Seb doesn’t know. “World champion seven times.”

“Yes, I’m quite aware of who Lewis Hamilton is, Mark.”

“So we’re all on the same page.” Mark claps his hands together, the way Seb’s science teacher used to do when she’d go Pencils down! at the end of a test. Seb’s pencil was usually already down, the lead broken into two then four then eight pieces because he’d grown bored waiting for the time to run up. Even now it feels like he’s waiting for the world to catch up. “I’m counting on you. Don’t fuck it up.”

Seb opens his mouth to argue, then slams it back shut. Guilt gnaws at him when he sees the stack of reports languishing on Mark’s desk. He’d heard the Chief bellowing at Mark yesterday; everyone had. Gotham Gazette had gotten some very incriminating pictures of Seb letting the Batman into the Royal Hotel.

Police seek help from MASKED VIGILANTE on mayor’s abduction

Jenson slid the paper silently across the desk, only after Seb had his morning coffee in his hands. One look, and Seb knew the damage control would be severe. He hadn’t thought it would involve Gotham’s about-as-interesting-as-a-rock billionaire. The guy’s good at driving fast. Great. That’s about all the personality Seb’s partial to.

“I’d actually take a suspension over this,” Seb says wearily.

“How much does it speak about our sad state of affairs if I tell you I can’t afford that?” Mark sounds equally as tired. The Force is wearing thin with the spate of crime ratcheting at an all-time high. Sometimes Seb steps foot out of his front door and half-expects the pavement to cave away from under him. The city’s running on its own fumes. “You know I can’t afford that.”

“I know,” Seb says. “I’m sorry for what I did.”

“No you’re not.”

No, he’s not. Not twenty minutes in and the Batman had pointed out evidence under the carpet and behind the safe and within the mayor’s pet dog that they would have taken two weeks to find, if they had adhered to proper protocol. Proper protocol! the Chief yelled, and everyone in the bullpen had turned to glare at Seb.

Seb offers his most apologetic smile. Mark rolls his eyes.

“If you’re done complaining, kindly fuck off now.” Mark scrubs a hand through his hair. The grey glinting off his temples makes Seb want to toss a match to the powder keg hiding under the foundations. Just be done with it. If they lose Mark, they lose Seb. If they lose Seb, they lose the Batman. If they lose the Batman, the city is as good as gone. “I’ve got twenty-one complaints to field because of the stunt you pulled yesterday.”

“Yessir,” Seb says. With a little bit of heart injected into it.

“Commissioner Vettel,” Hamilton purrs. Seb fights to keep his expression neutral. Hamilton’s arm is heavy around him. He’s dressed in a sleeveless mesh garb for the driver’s parade, even though the weather’s crisp at best. It looks… irritatingly good on him. “I see the Force sent their brightest.”

“Only the best for the city’s elite,” Seb says through a smile pulled so comically across his face it feels like stitches.

“And for the city’s masked avengers, as well.”

The smile drops from Seb’s face. The one on Hamilton’s merely grows. “Hanging out with him when you could be in so much better company, Commissioner,” Hamilton says easily. He pushes close into Seb’s space, and Seb, who prides himself in reading people well, blinks twice at the gates shuttered behind Hamilton’s eyes. “I’d advise you to pick your partners more wisely.”

There’s a split second where Seb hears Mark’s voice—Don’t fuck it up—before all that precaution washes away like rain down a drainpipe. A week ago the Batman had pulled Seb into the protective circle of his arm and chest plate as Alonso’s guards opened fire on them. There was nothing Seb’s Glock could do against three assault rifles. The Batman had taken every single bullet. Then, visibly injured, he’d proceeded to step in front of Seb, and knock the assailants out with their own weapons.

Alonso had escaped. Seb couldn’t have cared less at the moment. “You’re hurt,” he’d cried out, dismayed. The Batman was swaying on his feet. “Let me see, let me see—”

And for the wildest moment, the Batman had almost moved to remove his armour, leaning into Seb, before he stumbled away as if burned. He grappled up a building and disappeared into the night, with Seb calling helplessly after him.

No care allocated for himself. Seb could have hardly picked a better partner. One who's constantly putting himself in the line of fire.

His lips are moving before he can stop himself. “I’m hardly billionaire circle-jerk material, Mr. Hamilton.”

Hamilton’s mouth drops open.

The grin’s back on, stretched out like a Glasgow smile. “Look at this jacket I’m wearing! It’s ten years old, can you believe that? Look at this watch. Complete with blood splatter on its strap, from when I tried but failed to stop a colleague from bleeding out. Why do I keep this still? Maybe I’ve been too lazy to get it changed.”

“Commissioner—”

“And look at these shoes! You won’t believe the shit I’ve waded through in them. Can’t even afford to buy new ones. Do you know what a public servant makes a year?”

Hamilton opens his mouth, almost as if to say yes.

Seb scoffs. “So you see, I’m far more suited to the lowly creatures of society. They've done more for this hellhole than people like you." The urge to defend is so great. "And I dare say the bats in the alleys might even enjoy my company.”

“I dare say they would,” Hamilton says quietly. Seb flicks his gaze up at Hamilton to glare, but Hamilton’s looking at him with the most open expression he’s seen since they were within three feet of each other. They glance away, like chastised children at the principal’s office told to get along.

“So,” Hamilton clears his throat. “If you hate my guts this much, why are you here?”

Seb can recognize an olive branch, even when dangled from the bejeweled fingers of a billionaire. He shrugs. “I like cars.”

“Alright man,” Hamilton says, bumping their shoulders together. He keeps a respectful distance this time. “I buy that.”

The five lights go on. Seb doesn’t want to admit he’s standing on his tip toes, trying to peer over a tall mechanic’s shoulder. Hamilton had insisted he be in the Mercedes garage, even after Seb had gone flapping his mouth like a loose carton box. He’d made Seb tea—made it himself, no personal assistant involved. Mixed in sugar and oat milk like he knew exactly what he was doing, which Seb didn’t want to question why he could guess at. Billionaires are weird.

Seb waits for the final beep like the sound of a safety clicking off.

Hamilton gets the best start. Of course he does. Seb unclenches his pumped fist hastily. No one spares him a second glance. Hamilton takes the first corner with Leclerc right on his tail, and then—

Not everyone notices the shots at first. There’s too much noise from the track, and most of them are wearing headphones. But Seb flinches, having come to recognize the sound from daily acquaintance.

“Get down,” he yells. Around him, the crew just looks at him weird. “Get down, someone’s firing—”

Pop pop pop

Now they get the memo. The screams start. Seb grabs at one confused mechanic and pulls him to the ground, points at the entrance, shouts Go, go! They’re sitting ducks here.

Pop pop pop

Seb’s ears are ringing. Two assailants, three? Fuck, four. Seb chances a glance at the monitors, anything to give him a hint as to what’s going on. The race is still going, amid bewildered radios from the drivers. The shots must have been audible in their comms. Seb squints. You notice the silliest things when your life’s in danger. Hamilton’s car is no longer in the lead. He must have been overtaken in the chaos.

He swallows down the oddest sense of disappointment and pulls his eyes away from the screen. Pop, and something bursts into pieces barely two feet from him. Seb scrambles behind some machinery, drawing his Glock from his hip. He’s got no idea where they’re firing from, though he’s never pulled out of a game of chicken.

Deep breath. He peeks out from behind the dented equipment. Pop, it glances close enough for Seb to count that as one of his nine lives gone. He aims in the direction the shot came from, fires one off.

A muffled yell. One down. Seb’s back behind the life-saving machinery. He spots one of the pit crew frozen on his knees in the middle of the floor, stranded like an unprotected island. Seb allows himself a moment of hesitation, and then he’s barrelling for the quaking man, while more shots go off around him, and hauling him behind some tires.

“Stay back—”

He’ll never get used to bullets hitting his vest. They hurt like a motherfucker, tactical lining be damned. Three successive shots to his chest, and the wind gets knocked out of him. He drops to the ground, the debris left over from a hurricane. Alive, he clocks himself. Alive, so get up. Get up, get up—

They never did invent proper bulletproofing for legs. When he gets out of here—if, he gets out of here, Seb is going to make Mark dedicate an entire R&D faction to bulletproofing legs. The pain punches through him, and he collapses on his wounded leg.

Blood’s pouring out. Hold on. Blood’s pouring out at a speed reminiscent of that time when Seb couldn’t stop the bleeding.

More yelling, and the rain of bullets stops. That's good, because Seb can't hope to do a blessed thing at the moment.

“Your femoral artery’s been hit,” someone says. “Hang on, Sebastian. I need to tie this off.”

Seb must be dreaming, because Lewis Hamilton is looming above him. Wasn't he just in a car? When did he get here? When did he get so tall? Oh. Seb’s on the ground, that’s why. Seb’s on the ground bleeding out, and his leg is on fucking fire.

“Hurts,” he gasps. “Hurts like hell.”

“I know, you’re alright,” Hamilton says. “You’re alright, Seb.” He sounds like—like he’s on the brink. Like Seb is standing on the thinnest ice surface, and Hamilton is right there, ready to break through. Seb’s not sure he understands. Hamilton can’t possibly care about him this much; he can’t possibly care at all.

Hamilton’s found some wire in the garage, and he pulls it around the highest part of Seb’s thigh, right up against his groin.

“Ask a man out first, Jesus,” Seb mumbles. He’s not sure he likes the look on Hamilton’s face. Devastation doesn’t suit a billionaire, and maybe some part of Seb still wants to preserve the sanctity of the institutions that run the city. Is it wrong to desire a life where he doesn’t tread from one landmine to the next every other week? Is it wrong? God, what kind of man does that make him?

“I would’ve,” Hamilton says. He’s yanking the wire tight, causing Seb to jerk and scream. Hamilton’s fingers are feather light on Seb’s face. His eyes are raw earth, freshly torn apart by a rake. “I would’ve, baby.”

“Can’t afford dinner with you,” Seb manages. “My yearly salary is—”

“Sixty-eight grand,” Hamilton finishes for him, hauling Seb up. Fuck, the guy’s strong. If he wasn’t about to die this would be such a turn on.

As it stands, dying sucks. The pain is close to unbearable.

“How—” Seb’s eyelids are flickering shut. Trying to keep them open is not working. The ground is moving beneath him. Ah. The ground is moving very quickly beneath him. Seb’s going to throw up. Or pass out. He hopes it’s the latter.

Hamilton’s chest feels familiar. Seb’s cheek is smushed up against it, and he swears he can hear the thudding of Hamilton’s heart. Don’t Formula 1 drivers have some of the lowest resting heart rates?

With the last of his consciousness, “How do you know how I take my tea?”

“Stay alive,” Hamilton says, far and getting further away from him, “and I’ll tell you when you wake.”

Seb throws up on the pillow covers twice before he can force his eyes open. He half expects to see a sleeveless meshed figure by his bed.

He doesn’t know what to feel when it’s the Batman’s situated at the hospital window, watching him. Seb’s sleep hasn’t been the smoothest, and in his most lucid moments he remembers a shadow in the room. Not a bad one. A safe one, a guardian angel. The Batman’s been there for awhile. Standing still as a statue like he’ll stay until the pillars of the city come crumbling down.

“Alonso’s taken care of,” the Batman says. His voice doesn’t have its usual gravelly bite. He just sounds exhausted. “And I saw to it that the guns they were trafficking—”

“You have the worst bedside manners,” Seb says.

The Batman falls silent. He’s cradling something reverently in his gloves. Ah, it’s Seb’s watch. It looks so delicate in his hands. Infuriating, how he never allows himself to touch. How he could have walked two steps to the side of Seb’s bed but instead positions himself far away, stealing one of Seb’s belongings for makeshift comfort.

If he wasn’t so high on meds Seb supposes he would be angry. All he has is the strength to stare at the Batman’s gloved hands.

The reason why Seb’s pencils were always down in science class before the teacher could even announce it: he loves evidence. It’s the cornerstone of everything he does. It’s truth, it’s judgement for those who deserve it, it’s justice. It’s the utter satisfaction when an experiment succeeds, when Phenolphthalein changes colour as an indicator that the acid and base have cancelled each other out.

The Batman’s fingering a spot on the strap of his watch. Not many people would notice that spot. It’s just the tiniest drop of blood.

“Lewis,” Seb says.

The watch slips from the Batman’s fingers. He catches it with lightning-quick reflexes. And then he stands rooted to the ground, every muscle pulled painfully taut. Seb can see right through the mask now, Lewis’ face dissolving in a riot of emotion.

“Come here,” Seb says, and Lewis comes. Silent and obedient like Seb could ask anything of him. The most terrifying entity of Gotham, the only thing the dark’s afraid of, and he’s hunched by the side of Seb’s bed like a sinner in a confession booth. “I’m bang on the money, aren’t I?”

“I said you were the Force’s brightest,” the Batman—no, Lewis, says.

“The most begrudging of compliments,” Seb says.

“I meant it, but you didn’t like it the first time I said it.”

“I didn’t like you then.”

“But,” Lewis swallows. “You do now?”

“You saved my life.” Many, many times. “Kinda hard not to.”

The gloves are brushing against Seb’s hair, with the lightest hint of pressure. Lewis doesn't say, Don't tell anyone. Seb adores him for it.

“Take those off,” Seb complains. He’s bedridden; he’s allowed to be petulant.

A beat, and Lewis strips the gauntlets off. The hand’s back on Seb’s head, stroking, petting. Lewis is looking at him like he’s something the Batman could never be allowed to have. Lewis is touching him like he’s something more precious than the heart of this rotting city. Seb’s eyes are slipping shut. He reminds himself to have a chat with Lewis about this. Mark is going to have to field twenty-one times twenty-one complaints. This will be exceedling complicated. But he doesn’t think the Commissioner of Gotham, or the Bat of Gotham, ever got off with easy.

“About dinner.”

“Might be some time,” Seb slurs.

“I can wait,” Lewis says. “Have done, for awhile now. But I’ve got an open table at the Ocelot.”

“Prick.”

“You like it.”

The hand stays on his head. Seb closes his eyes to the shadows.

#athy texts #fanfic #rpf #sewis #batman au

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lonelycomics · 2 years

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Since y’all liked my rambles here’s some more but even more unorganized Dp x DC. Part 2?? Idk

Danny is very chill with Gotham’s spirit. Unlike what most people would think, Gotham loves having the “Ghost King” living there. Something to show off. To whom, no one. But it’s cool af.

How Danny works is basically, communicating with ghost speak and/or portal. But no one knows ghost speak without being a somewhat ghost (;

Some Batfam see Danny and think of whatever sibling when they were younger, take your choosing, but Bruce just shits himself. Like ong, looks like a kid he would adopt and train. Looks like Jason too, just as feral.

Speaking of Bruce, Batman saw Danny work a few times. But somehow these are the times where Danny just ghost speaks. So B-man is very concerned.

More magic users go to Gotham and just shat themselves. Not because of Danny, but because Gotham itself is proud and actually feels like a spirit of a city rather than just the feeling of anger constantly. Now, that was concerning already and the magic just shifts.

Bing-baba-boom magic users feel Danny nearby, and most are so confused. They feel a powerful presence but it doesn’t seem uncomfortable. So they just stand like 🧍 what the fuck they supposed to do?

Danny soon starts to help the previous henchmen of (insert villain), and they feel like in debt. But not like the debt of their lives, but rather the debt of their protections.

Joker gets to Danny, kidnapped and all. Joker does this villain speech. But he knows Danny’s “meta”. But Danny never lets anyone have peace half guessing what he was. So Danny just yells “who you gonna call?” And then 20 fucking ghost just appear, all screaming “ghost busters!” Joker got his answer rq even he didn’t want it to.

Bonus points if the JL are saying “yo bats, the fuck happened to the joker last night? Mfer got his ass beat.” And Bats, who’s still VERY into the case, says “idk but if it’s a kid I know, imma scream.”

Danny does his job but likes staying around, mainly because Gotham helps him with his human side. Finding the best places to sleep, drink, and eat without too much of a problem.

Jason feels Danny around. He knows the “King” is around. Jason feels more comfortable yet alert. Everything feels fine but somethings gonna change. It always does.

That’s all I have rn so byeee

#dp x dc #dc batman #danny phantom

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gummybearstastelikesadness · 2 years

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Alrighty pals, bear with me on this one, it’s 2am and I’m running on 3? monster energy drinks.

Danny’s stuck as Phantom for an indiscernible amount of time and needs to hide as a human. His human disguise includes dyeing his hair any colour other than impossibly white, dark coloured contacts for the glowing eyes, and what amounts to daylight rave makeup to hide the glowing and otherly features. He also ditches the hazmat suit completely if possible for normal clothing, otherwise turtlenecks and layers for the Ghost Boy.

The most difficult thing to hide though is that he doesn’t bleed red he bleeds neon green. This is where things get funky, Danny as a ghost is immune to human poisons. So to hide the blatantly obvious not human colour he dyes his ectoplasm.

To achieve anywhere near a convincing red a 130lbs/59kg individual would need to add at minimum 32.5lbs/15kg of a red dye to their body to even change the colour. Meaning Danny’s “blood” would be around 20%-25% dye. (I used a fabric dyeing guide for colour changing clothes, to get an actual number. Along with both solid and liquid calculations.)

Make this a crossover (example DC Batman) have Danny be on the run stuck in “No Metas Allowed” Gotham. His disguise works, except he catches the Batfam’s eye and they start trying to interact and “help” him. Danny emotionally hurt and scared refuses to tell any of them anything and when he has too he lies, fake name, fake address, fake age, etc.

They get attached to the kid that reminds them of all the Robins in one and the whole family wants him to take him in, one major problem they have no idea who he is legally. No prints, facial ID, or matching appearance in any system and none of them had gotten a DNA sample yet to check that.

Danny eventually gets hurt and ends up bleeding, one of the bats patch him up and get a sample of his blood to check. They get to the cave and try to test it and it’s not blood. It’s mostly an unknown acid and fabric dye?

The bats panic because their newest civilian adoption target is made up of what appears to be the contents of a crafters cleaning closet and still functioning.

Danny eventually trusts them and tells them about the half ghost stuff. They help him transform back in to Fenton (via magic, science, therapy, IDK) but before actually transforming back he goes intangible and a 32.5lbs/15kg goo pile of red dye hits the floor.

(Update it is now 6 am I’ve had a coffee and 2 cups of black tea and am now thinking about how much easier it would be for Danny to use thinned red paint, it’s lot cheaper and easier to get 520oz of it.)

#danny phantom #dp #danny fenton #dp prompt #dp crossover #dp x dc #dc x dp #batfam #Danny staring at the local Michaels craft store fabric dye aisle: this will make a good blood substitute #Literally every one else: NO!#Danny Fenton making unadvisable decisions since 2004

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goddess-of-graphite · 10 months

Text

The Great Notes App Exodus: Half-Dead and Still Kicking

The thing is, Jason’s been a ghost for a while, okay? Six whole months, and it’s been a goddamn adjustment, being capable of floating through walls and falling through furniture if he’s not careful, if he’s not concentrating. He goes unseen and unheard in a manor too full of grieving to only be residence of two people - Alfred keeps his room tidy and untouched, as if it’s a shrine to keep care of, and Bruce is…

Jason is, was, Robin, so he can’t quite help himself from following in Batman’s shadow as the man patrols, more vicious, more brutal than Jason has ever seen him. He takes more risks, gets injured more often - and it’s terrifying, the way Batman grieves, as if trying to follow him into the grave. So Jason follows, unbeating heart in his throat, and only relaxes again when Bruce is safe in the manor, sleeping off whatever injuries he got during the night.

He can’t interact with the world, but he can watch the shades of past residents going about their lives, and he learns things from doing this even as he fears becoming them one day, mindlessly replaying a life long passed. He can snoop and explore without worry for being caught, and if he ever gets bored he can practice flying (so much harder than it seems - he’s careful never to go too high, too worried that he won’t be able to come back down again, even with the ceaseless curiosity in the back of his mind wondering - just how far can I go? Beyond the sky? Could he touch the stars, if he wanted?) and when everything is terrible, when the memories of his death, his last few hours of life, haunt him, when he is drowning in his own head, he finds distractions; the way the air currents sometimes seem to react to him, trying to move things like ghosts do in those terrible movies, chattering to whoever is around and pretending they can hear him, finding mysteries to solve (what’s up with that camera kid, anyway? He’d never noticed him before…) and trying to read books in the library through sheer force of will, usually ending up just reciting the parts he knows.

(Two months and a bit in to this whole “ghost” thing, he finds out the deal with the camera kid. Jason can only be relieved because, kid’s got a point - and Bruce seems to do better with someone to protect, to teach, to watch over.

He’s not practically tearing people apart with his bare hands anymore. He’s not taking hits he should have been able to avoid anymore. He’s not lurking at the edge of rooftops anymore, staring at the ground as if contemplating how far away it is.)

And Tim… he’s weird, but brilliant, and Jason feels a little protective of him. Follows him whenever he goes out, sharp eyes watching his back regardless of whether he can protect it or not (and maybe it’s his imagination, but the world seems more real when he’s watching over Tim, closer and present in a way he can almost feel, as if he could actually affect the world, if he just tried hard enough - if he just needed to desperately enough).

And then, six months after his-… after this ghost thing started, something… changes.

Something Happens, and he can almost taste the strange Knowing - something, somewhere, has gone wrong, or perhaps right, and the ripples extend beyond the event, slipping into each corner of the universe with the subtlety of a truck, and yet somehow unnoticed.

The ghosts notice. Pale shades lift their heads, existing outside of their own memories for the first time in an age - and Jason, who is new, who is Robin, who lived in Gotham where all things become possible, is hit by the wave of Something Happening Elsewhere Rippling Out and wakes up in a box.

In a coffin.

(But Jason has been a ghost for six months, and the pain of living again is enough to reach for the existence of being a ghost, and by the time he has sorted himself out and half-clawed, half-floated his way out of his grave (again), he doesn’t expect himself to be anything but what he has been for the past six months.)

(And then, of course, he discovers he can interact with the world if he concentrates, if he wants it enough, and he assumes that Whatever That Was made him a stronger ghost.

It’s not an unfair assessment. Incorrect, but not beyond reason.

Why would he think he came back to life, anyway? That’s a bit far-fetched, really.)

#tangentially a danny phantom crossover but it’s not hugely important #graphite writes #i have so many random bits of writing in my notes #this is me basically setting them free into the world #lmao enjoy ig #DC #Jason Todd #Jason Todd is a ghost #The Great Notes App Exodus #I figured the deal here was Danny’s misadventures with stuff like the reality gauntlet causing a ripple effect #and because Danny is a halfa the rest of the multiverse kind of gets a template of his existence #thereby making the creation of halfas more likely in places they wouldn’t have formed before #… such as the dcu #so yeah Jason is a halfa but coming at it from the opposite angle than danny #and for most of the time his human form is kind of sleeping and healing from his death wounds #but he starts needing to eat and stuff as a ghost in the meantime in order to maintain his living half #and the ripple also caused the ghosts closest to Jason’s haunt to become more aware #like proper ghosts rather than the shades they were #that’ll probably extend to Gotham later as Jason gets stronger and thus gains the ability to filter the city’s manky ecto more and more #especially if he’s not using up a whole lot of energy fighting ghosts like Danny does #so the surplus is just kind of siphoned off by Gotham where other entities can feed on it #and become stronger #>:3c

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gale-gentlepenguin · 4 months

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Everyone wants a Year One Batman movie and then when they get it, they complain it’s too boring. No you wouldn’t have watched a movie with The Riddler setting up traps like it was a PG13 Saw.

Also the movie points out multiple times that this Batman isn’t as experienced at being a detective as his prep time counterparts are. Of course The Riddler almost won, no one actually looked in his hideout. Don’t randomly throw incel to describe The Riddler, it’s not an accurate description just because of his ideology. He wasn’t wrong about Gotham being ultra corrupt, and he’s supposed to represent how Bruce could have turned out without allies like Alfred.

A more accurate rendition of The Long Halloween might work later down the line. But as of yet there are no supervillains, just Batman being a detective in Gotham fighting corrupt police and mafioso.

You know what, you have a point about the incel comment.

But that character wasn’t the riddler.

The riddler is a narcissist that wanted someone intellectual to challenge. Thats his whole point. He wasn’t some “It’s society” problem child. Now is Gotham corrupt? Yes, that’s the point. Gotham is as corrupt, it’s a universal law.

But let’s talk about Batman.

I don’t have a problem with inexperienced Batman. That’s fine, but there is zero difference between Batman and Bruce Wayne. Bruce Wayne was a party boy billionaire that occasionally did philanthropy. Bruce Wayne is supposed to be charming, even in the origins. That’s the point. Because Bruce is the cover.

Batman here is serviceable, still figuring things out, but my goodness the level of which Batman failed is incredible. And it was all avoidable if they had actually did detective work! Like the first half of the movie makes me think it will have good detective work… and then it doesn’t. Plus Batman doesn’t come off as intimidating, he comes off as creepy.

The main problem is the length though. It just drags on for so long that you’d think that there would have been more done. If this was a two hour movie with everything that occurred, the oversight with the riddler stuff could at least be justified in a time crunch sense. But for this 3 hour movie… no.

#the Batman #it’s just so long and dull #then it ends with Riddler winning #if Batman stopped most of the trucks then redirected #the flood #that would have been cool #but no #tons of people died #and Batman just looked like a guy in a bat costume doing the bare minimum

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brucenorris007 · 2 years

Text

So, remember that episode of BTAS that’s all an elaborate illusion created by Mad Hatter where Bruce just gets to be happy with Selina as a fiancée, his parents are alive, and being Batman/protecting Gotham is someone else’s business? I imagine that, like every other scenario that’s managed to catch him completely unawares, Bruce has done some intense mental training/mind palace thing to prevent falling for that sort of trap again. Thing is, whether it’s the Hatter, or some new strain of pollen Ivy came up with or a drug of some kind, it’ll still take at least a few minutes for his brain to Batman its way back to reality, which leaves Bruce aware yet still interacting with his parents. And instead of running off to brood about their deaths, because he knows he can’t physically make his body go anywhere until he comes to, he just talks to them. Thomas and Martha are, of course, Confused, but eventually just happy to listen to their son, and what does B talk about? His kids. About how he’s watched Dick grow into one of the most resilient men he’s ever known; the fact that regardless of how many times he’s found himself evicted, he’s kept his position in Bludhaven as an officer with prospects for making captain; how he’s actually been putting off a promotion because doing the work himself is so important to him, interacting with the people and being a teammate. That even so, Bruce still worries about Dick’s brittle, too-often smiles, that he puts too much responsibility for his family’s well-being on himself. About Jason’s latest essay that he wrote just because he could, how he casually quotes themes in Shakespeare and Austen in a given conversation; how, despite his history with the place, he’ll still visit Crime Alley armed with little more than worn out copies of Doyle’s original Sherlock Holmes and clear away trash from what were once playgrounds and read aloud until he’s gathered a small audience. About Tim’s mind, the capacity to organize and locate the thread of logic amidst chaos that still surprises Bruce at times. How, as a brother, he’s finally starting to allow himself to be the child the Drakes always discouraged him from being; how he’s made real friends, gotten more than half a dozen acceptance letters to schools across the country. About Damian’s kindness, flourishing in an environment that actually allows him to express it; how he’s slowly shedding his militant outlook, gradually less befuddled by the dynamics of how a family works, that his insistence on the importance of pedigree are now more token and habitual than truly dogmatic. How many damn animals are in and around Wayne manor, now; how he’s started volunteering at animal shelters and how Bruce has started searching for veterinary internships for a couples years down the line. About Cass, who spent the vast majority of her formative years being raised solely for violence; how she possesses a staggering capacity for love that, as a sister and a daughter, she finally has an outlet for, taking every opportunity to hold Dick’s hand, bump Tim’s shoulder, or hug Jason and Damian just because she can and because she knows they need one. How she’s started picking up ASL because she wants another way to communicate without words that isn’t the one she was raised with; that she asked Bruce recently if she could find a way to work with nonverbal children and impart the practical cues she’s learned about body language and microexpressions to young women in Gotham. About Steph, who isn’t even his in the same way the others are, but whose day he still asks after whenever he can. How brave she is, how bright despite coming from much the same Gotham that Jason was born into. How great she is for the rest of the kids; a sister for Cass, a reminder to Jason of what he used to be before the worst of his trauma and perhaps the one who understands him best, a friend who isn’t afraid to push Tim out of his comfort zone and doesn’t mind when he feels awkward. Bruce spends around twenty minutes just... bragging about his kids to his parents, and it’s all he’s ever wanted. In an ideal world–Bruce’s ideal world–his kids would never have needed him to offer safety and shelter in the first place. Short of that? He wants to share what makes him proudest with his mother and father; not the crime-fighting, not Wayne Enterprises, but his kids.

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thefingerfuckingfemalefury · 1 year

Text

Let’s Read Comics! With Samantha and her Girlfriend :D

And in this winter holiday season, what better than a tale of Batman facing off with a certain frozen fiend and his cold blooded plans?

I speak of course...of Killer Moth

No, not really, it’s a Mr Freeze story :D

Me: HOLY MANSLAUGHTER DUE TO CHILD ENDANGERMENT BATMAN

My Girlfriend: Robin’s gift this year shall be the ICY HAND OF DEATH

Me: I don’t now poetry, but I know what I like

AND I DON’T LIKE THAT

My Girlfriend: Our unseen poet is no Sylvia Plath, that much is already clear

The poet continues their verse about a Gotham destroyed in a wintry apocalypse, the prose getting more purple by the minute….

My Girlfriend: This makes Little Nell’s death in the Old Curiosity Shop look downright understated

Me: I just can’t tell what emotions the writer is trying to conjure up here

My Girlfriend: Chris Claremont just off to the side going “You need to tone it down”

It turns out our mystery poet is a member of the gang of a certain Frosty Felon…

Me: I really hope this issue actually turns into a heartwarming seasonal comedy where Mr Freeze gets his henchman to go back to college, finish that creative writing course and become a published author

My Girlfriend: “Just because I’m a villain doesn’t mean I don’t support the arts”

Me: But the crusty and bitter old dean doesn’t approve of supervillain henchmen at his college

AND HIINX WILL ENSUE

My Girlfriend: During which the dean will learn that it’s not him teaching these kids…the kids have been teaching HIM this whole time

Me: Rated PG-13 for rude humor and mild comedy peril

My Girlfriend: Let’s make this film

Me: The real villain here is capitalism

My Girlfriend: Wait

He “Doesn’t deal in fantasy”?

YOU ARE WORKING FOR AN ICE MAN WITH A SNOW GUN

Freeze’s response to Lou asking him why he wants to murder a whole city of people is a succinct “Why not?”

Me: Well so long as there’s a good reason

My Girlfriend: It’s not often you see “Because I can” as a motivation for mass murder but here we are

Freeze rants that “Everything bad that has happened to him” all happened in Gotham

Me: “And instead of blaming the people responsible I’ll just blame the whole city”

My Girlfriend: SOUND REASONING

Freeze talks about his silver age origin…how back when he was “Mr Zero” he experimented with his ice gun and it backfired, turning him into a man unable to live in temperatures above zero

My Girlfriend: Wait where the hell is Nora in all this

Me: She does not exist in his past yet

My Girlfriend: Only in comics does that answer make sense

Me: Comics or Doctor Who

Me: You’re going to be amazed to hear this

But the writer who gave this brilliantly conceived dialogue to the one black man in the story is in fact white

My Girlfriend: I am SHOOK

Lou questions how Mr Freeze’s plan could possibly work, declaring it “Too wild”

Me: Lou is a real negative “Glass half empty” kind of person

My Girlfriend: I am impressed he has the guts to tell the supervillain to his face that his scheme is batshit though

Me: Freeze encourages an open dialogue and free exchange of ideas among his minions

My Girlfriend: “Huh

I WAS wondering why you had us build that giant ice gun”

Me: Just so we’re clear here

Freeze’s plan is to rob a bank with a giant ice cannon

So he can afford to build an even bigger giant ice cannon

I have some notes on this plan

My Girlfriend: “And with this even larger ice cannon we shall rob a larger bank and buy what we need to build a yet larger ice cannon!”

Me: “Boss, what if we used the money for something other than ice cannons”

My Girlfriend: WHAT MADNESS ARE YOU SPEAKING

My Girlfriend: “Don’t worry Lou

I’m still perfectly sane and rational

I only plan to freeze and entire city so that I can fight a man in a bat costume to the death”

Me: “Thank god you put my mind at ease like that boss”

Freeze declares that for a time Gotham will be his “Personal domain of ice”

Me: “Because I am a theme villain in case you hadn’t noticed”

My Girlfriend: He’s committed to his aesthetic

Lou tells Freeze’s Poet Minion “You’ve got magic in that hand…and you’re abusing it!”

My Girlfriend: “And my mother always told me if you do that too much you’ll go blind!”

Me: REBECCA

My Girlfriend: You are a bad influence on me

Lou adds that the poet gives “Vision to the wild ideas” of Mr Freeze and “Becomes the architect of his madness”

Me: When he’s done with this lecture Lou is off to tell congress how Grand Theft Auto and rap music are to blame for mass shootings and then claim “Porn Addiction” is a real thing

My Girlfriend: “Sure I may work for Mr Freeze and rob and kill for him but the real culprit in all of this is POETRY”

Me: With his burning hatred of literature, Lou could have a bright future as a Republican congressman

My Girlfriend: Samantha he’s a felon connected to a serial killer

He could be PRESIDENT

And soon at a Gotham bank

Me: Oh no!

THOSE GUARDS WERE JUST TWO DAYS AWAY FROM RETIREMENT!

My Girlfriend: RETIRONY

Me: Can I just say I miss when villains did stuff like this?

Robbed banks?

Not every plot has to be a cosmic crisis DC, sometimes we just want a man in a snowglobe helmet to rob places with a big ice gun

My Girlfriend: Simpler times

One of the guards draws his pistol as the bank collapses causing his fellow guard to remark “Put that gun away! You gonna shoot an earthquake?”

Me: “IT HAS TO BE WORTH A TRY”

My Girlfriend: “Prove to me that it wouldn’t work”

Me: WEL THAT’S GRIM

My Girlfriend: Did the Poet Minion actually compose verse about the two dead guards WHILE they were murdering them with their ice quake?

Me: Too soon, Poet Minion

TOO SOON

Freeze and his minions loot the Bank Vault with Freeze declaring “It’ll be a cold day in hell before they figure out this one”

Me: Yes

A crime involving ice being committed in Gotham?

It will be a puzzler to test the mind of the worlds greatest detective who could be responsible

My Girlfriend: “WHO COULD HAVE DONE THIS?”

Me: “My money is on Firefly”

Speaking of Gotham’s resident detective, at Stately Wayne Manor, home of Billionaire Orphan Bruce Wayne

Me: I love the idea that Gordon carries some kind of Bat Torch and sometimes he just waves it at the sky

My Girlfriend: “Look if you can think of a more efficient way to get in contact with someone far away I’d like to hear it”

Arriving at the Bank, Gordon explains what happened, putting down the ice everywhere to a “Strange geological phenomenom”

My Girlfriend: I can REALLY see why the GCPD can’t solve a single case without Batman around

Me: “A bank robbery where everything is covered in ice?

This must be a freak natural occurrence and not the work of the man who robs banks using ice weapons”

My Girlfriend: Wait, if he didn’t think this was a robbery why the hell did he call Batman?

Me: It’s a little known fact that Batman is the best geologist in all of Gotham

My Girlfriend: The best BAT-geologist

My Girlfriend: “Talk to witnesses of a crime?

What kind of detective work is that”

Me: “You’d be amazed how much law enforcement work involves just deciding who the bad guy is and then beating them up”

Meanwhile, with supporting characters Julia Pennyworth and Vicki Vale

My Girlfriend: Wait, why is she white?

Me: OH MY GOD REBECCA

You can’t ask someone why they’re white!

My Girlfriend: S A M A N T H A

Me: In all seriousness this was the silver age Julia

I think she got erased in the Crisis? Or Zero Hour? Or possibly Infinite Crisis?

My Girlfriend: DC does a LOT of retcons

Me: I wonder if there’s some kind of counselling service for people whose loved ones get erased by time fuckery

My Girlfriend: Don’t make the pun your thinking of making

Me: CRISIS COUNSELLING

My Girlfriend: PUN JAIL

Vicki is confused by Julia’s remark about her parents, saying that she thought her father was “Alfred, Bruce Wayne’s butler”

My Girlfriend: Has she not seen Pennyworth?

Alfred is a man of action!

Me: HE WILL BUTTLE THE FUCK OUT OF YOU

My Girlfriend: HE WILL TUCK YOU UP LIKE A KIPPER

Julia explains she was raised by a freedom fighter and that also her bio-dad was a spy

Me: I love how casually she brings this up

My Girlfriend: Oh yeah before he was a butler my dad was James Bond, also my adopted dad fought tyranny in far off nations

Vicki says that bringing Julia along on this assignment will keep her in her sight “And away from Bruce Wayne”

Me: “As your employer I am going to use my power over you to interfere in your personal life for my own benefit!”

My Girlfriend: “What the hell are ethics”

Julia assures Vicki that she’s not into Bruce Wayne…she’s into the Batman!

Me: OH THE IRONY

My Girlfriend: Sounds like we’re on a collision course with some romantic misunderstandings

Me: I CAN’T WAIT

Back with Batman, Robin and Gordon…

My Girlfriend: Is….

Is he being sarcastic here?

Me: THE ENTIRE CRIME SCENE IS COVERED IN ICE

My Girlfriend: I think Gordon needs an eye test for those “Fumbling eyes” of his

Me: “WHAT SUBTLE CLUE HELPED YOU SOLVE THIS FIENDISH MYSTERY”

Gordon asks Batman what he plans to do and Bruce replies that he’s going to catch Mr Freeze

Me: “You’re going to catch the criminal who committed this crime?

I never would have thought of that!”

My Girlfriend: It’s those maverick ways and unconventional thinking of his that make Batman such an invaluable ally to the GCPD in their war on crime

Vicki and Julia have also arrived at the scene

Me: Oh that horny Bullock!

My Girlfriend: Hard to believe this city has such a soaring crime rate when it has such competent and dedicated law officers on the case

Me: Apparently all it takes is two women sort of flirting at him for this guy to let them wander into an active crime scene

My Girlfriend: The kind of professionalism we’ve come to expect from Gothams Finest here

My Girlfriend: “Just hold me tight Julia”?

>.>

Me: I’m starting to suspect there’s another reason why Vicki doesn’t want Julia dating Bruce Wayne

My Girlfriend: Vicki is out to prove she can do everything as a professional journalist that a man can

Including having sex with her assistant

Me: I SUPPORT HER GOALS

But our potentially sapphic double act plummet into the icy chasm left by Freeze’s diabolical ICE CANNON!

Batman and Robin rush into action while an irate Gordon declares “Just wait till I get my hands on the idiot who let them approach that hole!”

Me: “Are we just done with phrasing?”

My Girlfriend: SAMANTHA NO

Me: SAMANTHA YES

Me: Calling her Toots

Talking about her “First time”

I’m starting to legitimately ship this as a Crack Ship now

My Girlfriend: There has to be at least one Julia/Vicki femslash fanfic out there

Me: If there isn’t I am gonna write one

My Girlfriend: You have like two dozen unfinished books you do not have time to be writing femslash crack fic about an obscure silver age pairing

Me: OR DO I

Bruce and Robin head in after the ladies as Bullock apologises to Gordon…

Me: “SO I CAN HANG YOU”

My Girlfriend: Well THAT was dark

Me: You know Gordon was thinking it

Meanwhile, back at Stately Wayne Manor, home of Billionaire Orphan Bruce Wayne

Me: “Damn!

The one thing I didn’t predict when I came up with this brilliant deception…that a child welfare official would want to check on the welfare of a child!”

My Girlfriend: She masterfully outwitted his clever ruse!

Me: It was no match for the unpredictable development of her doing the one thing her job actually requires her to do that she said she’d come here for

The outraged child welfare woman asks Alfred “Do you realise it’s eleven o clock?”

Me: DO YOU KNOW WHERE YOUR CHILDREN ARE?

My Girlfriend: “I keep telling you, NO”

She says that this will all look pretty bad for Bruce in her report adding that it’s especially bad that Jason lives there “Without benefit of legal adoption papers”

My Girlfriend: I’m sorry wait what?

Could she say that again I think I had something stupid in my eye and must have misread that line

Me: ITS GENUINELY CANON THAT BRUCE WAYNE JUST INVITES ORPHANS TO LIVE WITH HIM

My Girlfriend: “You do realise that’s not how adoption works, right?”

Me: “I’m sorry, my head is a little hazy, what with all the herbal inhalants

They curb anxiety”

While back with Mr Freeze…

My Girlfriend: Okay is this issue actually a comedy?

Me: Mr Freeze demonstrating his brilliant management skills here

My Girlfriend: “Boss, I’m just saying maybe there’s a better way to make our getaway than lugging a giant ice cannon around with us”

Me: “AND I SAY SHUT UP OR CATCH THESE ICE HANDS”

And who is behind them?

Well

Me: He’s afraid his condition has left him COLD to their pleas of mercy!

My Girlfriend: SAMANTHA

Me: “OKAY EVERYONE

CHILL”

My Girlfriend: SAMANTHA NO

Back with Robin and Batman, Bruce has deduced his hunch about Mr Freeze was right while Robin remarks he wishes he was wearing long pants

Me: “Seriously Batman I am going to get hypothermia”

My Girlfriend: “Not to worry old chum, your replacement is already waiting at the Orphanarium”

Back with Freeze, there is discontent among his villainous band…

Me: I’m starting to think this might be a hostile work environment

My Girlfriend: Still better than working at Twitter under Elon Musk

Me: Well that goes without saying

My Girlfriend: Hard to believe that announcing his intention to turn against Freeze and swipe some of his loot ended badly for this unarmed regular man with his back turned

Me: “THAT LOOT IS FOR A GOOD CAUSE

THE CAUSE OF GIANT ICE CANNONS”

Me: “GET TO DA CHOPPAH!”

My Girlfriend: That’s not even from the right movie!

Batman makes short work of most of Freeze’s henchmen….

My Girlfriend: “Yes that…that was implied by what I said”

Me: “My ice gun will make you dead Batman!”

My Girlfriend: “ONLY IF IT KILLS ME”

Me: Freeze is determined to KICK SOME ICE here

My Girlfriend: I will make you sleep outside in the yard I swear to god

Freeze’s poetry minion makes the unwise decision of grabbing hold of the barrel of the ice cannon…which promptly freezes his hands solid before Robin knocks him out

Me: “It seems he’s lost his hands, after a lifetime of having hands”

My Girlfriend: HOW IRONIC

Me: Nice to know that Robin doesn’t let a little thing like a man being in agonising pain prevent him from upper cut-ing him in the head though

My Girlfriend: Truly he is a heroic role model

Me: “YOUR NOT TAKING ME TO THE COOLAH”

My Girlfriend: WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS

My Girlfriend: It’s terrifying to think just how many times Quentin Tarantino and Joss Whedon may have masturbated to this scene >.>

Me: WHY

Would you put that mental image in my head

Why would you hurt me like this

My Girlfriend: This is my revenge for your ice puns

Me: NOOOOOOOO

Mr Freeze begins to monologue that he’s finally going to ICE the Batman (My Girlfriend: BOOOOOOOOOO) after so many defeats at his hands…

Me: “I’m surely about to win and definitely won’t be foiled at the last minute!

My Girlfriend: “What would the odds of THAT be

However the ladies do indeed manage to dislodge part of the ice, the collision throwing Freeze off balance

Me: It’s like they always say

You win using ice death traps…you lose using ice death traps

My Girlfriend: Literally no one has ever said that

Me: See?

Bruce loves ice puns as well :D

My Girlfriend: Damn you Batman, don’t encourage her

Me: He thinks that they’re very…COOL :D

My Girlfriend: (Pterodactyl screech)

And as Freeze is arrested for Ice Crimes….

My Girlfriend: Vicki

WHY ARE YOU TAKING PICTURES OF YOUR FRIEND MAKING OUT WITH BATMAN

Me: They are for her “Personal use” later

My Girlfriend: I shall not kinkshame her weirdly specific fetish

Me: “AW YEAH

THAT’S IT

GET IT JUIA

GET THAT BAT-DICK”

But our story is not over, for soon, back at the Bat-cave

Me: “Stop recapping my weird and overly complicated love life at once”

My Girlfriend: “NEVER”

However the light hearted tone comes to an end as they get some bad news…

Me: “I can’t believe that Gotham Child Welfare thinks I’m endangering Jason!

Anyway

On an unrelated note Jason and I just got back from fighting a mad scientist with an ice gun who wanted to freeze the entire city to death”

My Girlfriend: Bruce would NEVER allow anything bad to happen to Jason!

Why when I think of the name “Jason Todd” the first thing I think of is how totally safe that kid was

Me: TOO SOON

My Girlfriend: You started it!

And so our issue comes to an end….

Final Thoughts

My Girlfriend: Finally I am safe from your ice puns

Me: I am sorry that they left you COLD

My Girlfriend: >:(

Me: That’s the last one, honest

My Girlfriend: I’d love to believe that….

Me: Mr Freeze certainly gets points for ambition in this story

My Girlfriend: And no points to the GCPD who apparently need the worlds greatest detective that a crime committed using ice was committed by the ice criminal

Me: Freeze was just TOO SUBTLE for them

My Girlfriend: HIS IS A FIENDISH MIND

Me: I love how Bruce is just absolutely shook that Gotham’s Child Welfare might have some problems with him illegally adopting random orphans and yeeting them at supervillains

My Girlfriend: “Wait child endangerment laws are a thing?

SINCE WHEN”

Me: But at least that one henchman will never again threaten the world with the evil of poetry

My Girlfriend: TRULY A NOBLE VICTORY FOR JUSTICE

Me: Happy holidays babe

My Girlfriend: Awwwwwwwwww :D

#DC #Comics #Let's Read Comics

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