#if you understand this post then please seek therapy
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before twitter collapses anyone want to sco pa tu bomboclaat gumball third eye bacon timeline threat slayer bean dad icks that have you like snacks anime food dearest nintendo carter wilkerson nuggs black and blue yanny cake bowsette???????? ladies get the best coke the old fashioned way. just found my sister's loudencer fried chicken
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one good thing about toonimal finally getting exposed on a wider scale is that im seeing a lot of people who previously believed in "pro para" ideology are starting to think more critically about what they were supporting
ive seen people who used to be "pro para" posting in the toonimal tags here and on twitter talking about how they saw people they knew in the doc, people who on these sites claimed to be "anti contact/in recovery", but revealed they were lying about it on the pediverse. ive seen people start to understand that theyve been lied to and manipulated into believing that what they were fighting for was right. that "pro para" means helping people with paraphilias get help and therapy, that it means rehabilitation, and then get crushed when they start to put the pieces together that it was never that simple.
if this applies to you... pro para is not about rehabilitation. you will not see someone who is genuinely in recovery making "pride" posts about their attraction to children or animals. if they genuinely didnt want to hurt anyone, and they want to recover, they would not be proud of anything except the steps theyve made towards recovery. "pro para" is not about harmless things like v.ore, objectum, or self shipping. its about abusers fostering a community for themselves. you are not "a paraphiliac" for being in a relationship with your computer.
if youre someone who is genuinely trying to recover from a harmful paraphilia, please get out of these circles. you will only be dragged down further. seek therapy and stay off of social platforms, where you will only be triggered.
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Info and Resources for Questioning Systems
Our old post with resources is out of date and doesn’t have that much information, so we’ve decided to put this together! Please let us know if we should make any corrections or if you have resource ideas you’d like us to add to this post.
NOTE: Before we get started, it’s so important to mention that every system should rule out trauma first before considering other origins. This is because complex dissociative disorders can present in covert ways, and function by hiding trauma from some alters. Even if you’re certain you’re not traumatized, please research and understand complex dissociative disorders before learning about other origin types. It’s possible to not remember or misunderstand trauma. Ruling it out first will save you a lot of difficulty and heartache in the future!
NOTE 2: As a system, we understand the terms “tulpa” and “tulpamancy” are cultural appropriation, and believe that as a community a different term for these systems should be selected. However, until that happens, we will continue to link handy resources for these sorts of systems.
Now, onto the resources!
This is not a complete list! If there’s any resource you’ve found useful and would like us to add, please get in touch!
Websites:
CDD (DID and OSDD-1) Specific:
Beauty after Bruises, and especially their article on myths and misconceptions about DID
Multiplied by One, a DID nonprofit that has a wealth of resources on dissociative disorders and CPTSD (and offering support for those in need!)
First Person Plural, another great nonprofit
ISSTD’s public resources
The Cleveland Clinic’s page on DID
Survivors’ Network (not to be confused with the Survivors’ Network Discord) page on DID
The National Alliance on Mental Illness’ info on dissociative disorders
DIS-SOS, a blog with tons of info on trauma, dissociation, and living with both
osdd.one, a site with information on complex dissociative disorders with a focus on OSDD-1
NAMI Michigan’s DID fact sheet
The Healthy Place’s blog on Dissociative Living
Non-CDD Specific:
What is Plurality/Multiplicity? by YoppVoice
More than One
Tulpa.io, Tulpanomicon, and Tulpa.info, all sites where tulpas, thoughtforms, willomates, and their creators can share their experiences
The Daemon Page
Daemonism 101
Manchester Metropolitan University’s Understanding Multiplicity
Plurality-Resources (traumagenic, not CDD, specific)
The Plurality Playbook, a resource for plurality in the workplace (for employees and managers)
Endogenic Hub
The Dissociative Initiative includes resources for both CDD systems and others who experience multiplicity
Soulbonding Info Carrd
Pluralpedia, a plurality wiki created and maintained by systems for systems
Podcasts:
The System Speak Podcast
The Bag System Podcast
Tumblr Blogs:
@pluraldeepdive
@system-society
@dear-systems
@plural-culture-is
@subsystems
@plurals-helping-plurals
YouTubers:
Pink Sugar Fairies
The Alexandrite System
FragmentDID
The Rings System
The CTAD Clinic
(psst! if you’re an endogenic/not-trauma formed system YouTuber, please let us know! we’d love to check out your videos and add your channel to this list!)
Other:
This Google Drive folder has 13 books on mental health, with a focus on dissociative disorders and trauma.
This Google Drive folder also has a bunch of great resources (keep in mind there are some repeats in both drives)
UTEP’s Mental Health Awareness Training infographic on dissociative disorders
Our own posts on Understanding DID, Establishing Contact with Headmates, Dissociative Amnesia, and Depersonalization vs. Derealization
Seeking help through therapy:
(specifically specialists in dissociative disorders)
Psychology Today’s search page for finding therapists who specialize in dissociative disorders
Carolyn Spring’s article, How to find a therapist for a dissociative disorder
The ISSTD’s Find a Therapist page
Websites we do NOT recommend can be found here! Note: some of the resources we’ve linked here have their own links to websites we don’t recommend. Please use your best judgement when visiting sites, and understand that we as a system DO NOT endorse the sites listed in the link above, even if we’ve included resources that link to those sites.
We hope y’all are able to find some of this useful! Again, please let us know if you have any resources you’d like us to add to this list. Thanks so much, everyone!
#multiplicity#pluralgang#plurality#actuallyplural#endogenic#traumagenic#plural resources#system resources#dissociative identity disorder#did osdd#osdd did#long post#questioning system#trauma mention#abuse mention
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I’ve been seeing a lot of posts since The Church on Ruby Road that seem to suggest that the rest/therapy/"I'm fine because you fixed yourself"/"rehab out of order" thing didn't work, or only worked temporarily, or was just dropped by RTD because…Fifteen isn't perfectly happy all the time? Or remembers traumatic things that have happened to him?
This strikes me as a very bonkers understanding of what happens when you have the opportunity to process your trauma. I know professional therapy is hard to come by these days, but if you do have access, I encourage you to seek it out. But please, PLEASE, don't imagine that it will prevent you from being sad about things that are sad. That is not what it's about.
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quality of life‧₊˚✩彡🎐
this post is a collaboration with @prettieinpink my lovely mutual <3 so make sure to check out ur page for the continuation of this post and it has been a PLEASURE to work with her! go and follow her <3
HEALTH : ur health is easily the most important of these categories and ur own health must be prioritized in every thing that u do. health is wealth, and without health, ur quality of life will be very low.
eat foods that are good for u and that nourish you, pay close attention to ur body and how it reacts to certain foods cuz everyones body is different and u should have a vast knowledge on your own body and how it works. eat a variety of fruits and vegetables. a helpful ratio in eating that i like to use as a basic guideline is (80% of the time, eat healthier foods and 20% of the time eat what u crave)
stay hydrated and drink between 1-3 liters of water a day, about 15 minutes before u go to sleep drink a couple glasses of water, drinking water before bed literally CLEANSES you, it improves ur skin, helps ur heart pump blood more efficiently, and improves blood pressure and heart rate, which affects ur quality of sleep in a positive way
to continue on the note of ur sleep u should be sleeping 8-10 hours of sleep a night. sleep deprivation is NOT cute, so please opt to sleep at an earlier time and rise at an earlier time as well
aside from what u consume, take care of ur health by taking supplements, drinking lots of teas, sleeping enough, stretching ur body, dry brushing, lymphatic drainage massage etc
MENTAL WELL BEING : september is suicide prevention month so i feel like now is an AMAZING time to bring up mental health and ways that u can improve ur mental state of being.
i always talk about self concept and i always will because self concept truly is the foundation of everything. ur whole entire life is literally ur mindset. keeping a positive outlook, meditating and practicing gratitude sounds cliche but it does wonders for ur happiness.
understand that its okay to NOT feel happy 24/7 because happiness is simply a feeling, and feelings are fleeting. they dont stay forever. i talked about the science of dopamine and what it does to ur brain in a previous post but some things that u can do to improve ur happiness levels are :
cutting back on social media and screen time in order to experience the world around you
surrounding urself with people who build you up
consuming social media that impacts ur mental health in a positive way
if u can, invest in therapy and if u can't do some shadow work, and based on ur discoveries with shadow work use the resources that u have (like youtube) to learn how to heal from ur trauma properly. healing isn't an overnight process, its a journey but it will DRASTICALLY improve ur quality of life.
find ways to cope and deal with ur emotions in a healthy way if ur going through a hard time, if ur going thru a REALLY hard time please go and seek help bcuz u dont deserve to live in a constant state of sadness, and if u ever need encouragement my inbox is always open 💗
PHYSICAL APPEARANCE : ur physical appearance can greatly impact ur quality of life also so here's some way to maximize ur looks:
sleep, drink water, and walk everyday - the best way to be pretty is to be healthy so make sure ur taking care of ur nutrition and ur sleep schedule
skincare - build a solid skincare routine and be consistent with it, do ur skincare RELIGIOUSLY 2x a day and dont touch ur face with ur hands unless ur washing ur face. double cleanse and dont forget to apply spf <33
haircare - learn what ur hair texture is and watch influencers or people who share the same hair texture as u and watch how they take care of their hair. once u know ur hair type then ur hair will thrive and be healthy
clean nails, long or short its all a matter of preference but keep ur nails clean and done nicely
wearing clothes that fit and complement ur body nicely, get ur clothes tailored to fit ur body comfortably
take good care of ur hair to keep it healthy, and learn how to do ur hair in cute hairstyles.
lastly POSTURE will tie all of this together, ofc these categories were rly broad but u can totally look into them more to maximize ur own looks and beauty
i know dear peachie on youtube has AMAZING makeup tips especially if ur a beginner she can teach u a lot
GENERAL : this is just a broad category of helpful things that u can do to improve the quality of ur life.
manifestation : when u learn about the way that the world works and operates and how ur mind creates ur own reality u will literally step into the power of knowing that you create. start committing to ur dream life and learning about law of assumption
finding little things to be happy about : i feel my happiest when im consciously living. and what i mean about this most of us just live our lives on autopilot out of necessity or habit, but paying closer attention to our lives and our experiences and romanticizing our lives will improve the quality of ur life
decision making : make decisions that will give the quality of life that u wanna live. for the future, make decisions that are good for ur future self instead of just focusing on making decisions that only look good in that one moment. ofc this differs depending on the situation but make an effort to make smart decisions that'll set the foundation for ur future
go check out @prettieinpink for the next part of this post <;3
#law of assumption#self care#self concept#it girl#becoming that girl#manifesting#self love#loa tumblr#that girl#neville goddard#it girl energy#dream girl#lifestyle#self improvement
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Bunny Corcoran; Neglect, Disorder and Becoming Mother
WARNING: VERY LONG POST!!
Based purely on headcanons, might be refined after a re-read (which I keep putting off bcs i want to savor the book slowly but i never get the time)
DISCLAIMER READ IF U GET PISSED OFF ABT STUFF: Okay, I headcanon that Bunny suffered from borderline personality disorder. And please I dont want anyone triggered over me self-diagnosing Bunny this is my HEADCANON and i am not romanticizing it. That being said, I am NOT a psychologist neither do I claim 2 be, these headcanons are built purely on my studies and own experiences. This is not to make light of a disorder that I know well is quite debilitating. I also understand it's different for everyone and I don't claim to be The Only Source of BPD symtoms. I think I had to say this cuz i didn't want pitchforks and all that coming 4 me for a personality analysis 😒 ANYWAY.
Here, I divided this into parts too otherwise it's a long ass yapping post:
I. Katherine Corcoran and BPD
II. A Quiet House
III. MacDonald Corcoran
IV. Father Henry
I. Katherine Corcoran and BPD
First, let's discuss Katherine, her diagnosis (which is a hc) and her parenting 'method'. I believe that Katherine Corcoran suffered from a personality disorder (BPD) (which I believe was passed down either genetically or environmentally to Bunny.) Both she and Macdonald knew there was something wrong with her, but i mean BPD was added to the DSM 5 in the 1980s (when TSH was set) so I believe when she was still younger, getting therapy or going to therapy was heavily stigmatized and also only the extremely mentally ill were treated? Perhaps it was also a social image thing, or a personal pride thing, but sis did not get help for it until much later.
This could just be "In my time, people didn't seek help," but the wording makes me believe she was about to tell an instance or experience of her own, "When I was a girl and struggling with this, I couldn't seek help" so on. She also seems to be in favor of seeking help, even if it is drug related. Makes you think she's probably had to depend on rehabilitation centers or perhaps therapeutic centers herself.
I also feel like, during the events of the book, that maybe she was on mood stabilizers just because she's so cucumber-cool and chill at the worst times. (Described as "calm as a bride" at her own son's funeral whereas her husband can't stop oscillating between bawling and playing with his grandkids.)
Let's talk about her parenting in light of BPD mothers.
According to this study, mothers with BPD might:
not respect their kids' boundaries -> leads to the child developing similar traits. Bunny did not respect boundaries either.
Neglect and emotional under-involvement by mothers with BPD can contribute to the development of BPD in their children. Environmental instability, like frequent changes in housing and schooling, further adds to the challenges. Bunny is quite literally under-developed emotionally AND also he did go thru some environmental instability and extreme neglect growing up. Case in point.
Mothers with BPD may swing between being overly involved and overly distant. This can show up as fluctuating between being controlling and being cold (A trait also expressed by Bunny later on towards his friends). For instance, they might respond to their adolescent's emotions with both neglectful and punishing reactions This inconsistency may confuse the child, making them doubt or deny their own emotions. (Bunny is in denial about a lot of things. That's his way of dealing with his emotions. After the explosive fight with Henry, for example, in Rome. After the fight he tries to pretend everything is normal.)
Apparently children of mothers with BPD tend to also develop disruptive behaviors and other external problems like ADHD. I do think Bunny suffered from ADHD, there's multiple examples of it throughout the book.
Mothers with BPD tend to communicate insensitively, using critical, intrusive, and frightening comments and behaviors. They may also struggle with role confusion, where the child takes on a more adult-like role. We have no proof of this as we never see Bunny interact with his mother. However, the intrusive thing makes me think about something. After Bunny's death, when rumors begin circulating that he was a possible drug user, Katherine reacts vehemently and takes jabs at the press for causing unnecessary emotional damage to an already 'grieving' mother. Then, she orders an autopsy, which is incredibly invasive, not to clear Bunnys name or anything, but to clear her own name.
now I know that running the test would also help clear Bunny's name but you know one of the biggest reasons of denying an autopsy of a loved one is fear of their disfigurement. That's why some families actually tend to not go for autopsies if a coroner or the law doesn't require it. And I know this would've helped Bunny's case in clearing his name but her reasoning behind allowing the disfigurement of her own son post-mortem is just....its so sickening. I felt so sad? 😭 especially in the 1970s, around that time, autopsies were very invasive and didnt deal with people as respectfully as they do today. :(
Additionally, BPD can make SOME mothers incapable of bonding with their own children. They have difficulties with bonding an attachment, thus leading to neglect and a disinterest in their kids' lives. They might also lack empathy as an general thing when dealing with BPD but dont take these statements as like a 100% BPD analysis by a true and learned scholar of BPD YOU NEED TO THINK CRITICALLY. NOt everyone with BPD is like this. They CAN be like this. And I think Katherine was indeed such a mother, because we can see from Bunny's upbringing, and then Bunny's death what kind of a woman she was basically. Bunny's death did not really bother her, only the shame he brought on the family name did. She wasn't emotionally bonded to him, neither does she appear emotionally bonded to her own grandkids, like her husband is. You can even say she probably lacked empathy for her kids.
Now, BPD isn't largely genetic like Bipolar but it has genetic predisposition.
That genetic predisposition paired with environmental influences like neglect can lead to the development of BPD, which is I believe what happened with Bunny. I mean, we can also argue that Bunny's dad was so emotionally volatile. He jumped from one mood to the other, and I'm not being cringey and self-diagnosing (?) book characters but he probably had a mood disorder (Bipolar disorder perhaps) which is largely genetic. So that means Bunny possibly had two parents with personality disorders.
But I do believe Bunny is more similar to his mother than Richard realized or noted in the books, I think. The way he was beginning to get into drugs, too idk. I feel like Macdonald's influence on the boys' behaviors is very prominent, but to see Kathy's influence, you'd have to see their sons up-close. We really only saw Bunny up-close, and that too only from Richard's (very biased imo) opinion
Idk why this made me think of how Bunny was so smiley, but so hateful. He seems amiable at first, and then he seems like a bitch. Same with Katherine. The news was first reporting her as this classy, perfect woman, and then the press turned against her after the interview at the restaurant, after which psychologists began saying the family was dysfunctional and that parents' habits were picked up by their kids (again, this might be an allusion to Katherine's drug addiction mirrored with Bunny's developing drug dependency/usage/interest)
Anyway, building on that, I just wanna say I think Kathy and Macdonald's parenting style was very inconsistent, and most of the times just downright neglectful. This much is clear; the Corcoran household struggled with emotional volatility. Environments like these can seriously alter the brain chemistry of children who grow up in them, and they act as triggers for activating the genetic influences (so basically gene expression can be turned off or on by certain environments)that are present within someone.
So growing up Bunny often felt like his mom loved him, then she didn't, then she did, so on. This could be because of the medications she was on and also her personality disorder. It's mentioned in the books how Bunny was miraculously the best out of all the Corcoran family members (Charles says this) and I think maybe Bunny was more in touch with his emotions than MOST of them; his parents, his siblings, AND his friends.
________________________
II. A Quiet House
I know the popular notion is that the youngest child is the most spoilt but tbh sometimes they can be the loneliest.
The eldest two brothers (Hugh and Ted) have kids that are like, I think almost 10 years old, so I think there's a considerable age gap between (Bunny, Patrick, Brady) & (Hugh and Teddy). Because, like, Bun and Brady are still in school, and Patrick is doing some business start-up thing I think??Anyway, the point I was going to make is that the Corcoran boys were shipped off to boarding schools when they were pretty young, and boarding schools typically start accepting at around age 11 I think. But I think prep boarding schools also exist and your kid can be as young as 7 before you ship them off to stay at the school.
A thing to note, prep boarding schools are VERY expensive and thus exclusive, so if the Corcorans are sending their kids to boarding schools purely for the image of being rich (which we all know that image was the most important thing for them), they might have done that tbh. Which brings me to this point, the age gap isnt too big between Bunny & (Brady+Patrick) but they'd still get to go to boarding school before Bunny, meaning Bunny was younger than 7 years old, and most probably isolated because all his brothers were not at home anymore and he was left to just his neglectful mother (considering his father would be at work) .
Bunny's isolation was probably more pronounced than his brothers, because older siblings being grouped together ended up with him being alone in the developmental years of his life. That could be why he is more dysfunctional than his brothers, but he also might not be more dysfunctional, because we have no idea what his brothers are like in their personal relationships.
________________________
III. Macdonald Corcoran
Donald is an obviously affectionate parent, as we can see, but I have this headcanon which basically ties into all this. I feel like Donald was mostly preoccupied with taking care of his ill wife. I do think he genuinely loved her, idk why, he just seems like the kind of guy. And again, this is not a generalization of BPD women as partners, but it is an analysis of Kathy's overall personality and interactions with Donald in light of the possibility that she had BPD. So this is not a generalization. But Kathy would be the kind of high-maintenance person that Bunny was turning into.
High-maintenance BPD partners are likely to require constant understanding and validation to endure and relieve suffering, which I think Katherine would need a lot in their earlier years or when their kids were young (she starts taking mood stabilizers later, when the stigma reduces mayhaps? So before that they were probably a very volatile dynamic.) Also this is purely my headcanon but like, I think Donald is the sort who would try and avoid conflict with Katherine or at the very least, bend to her whims.
This interaction kind of shows us how she's dismissive towards his attempts at remaining neutral or even positive about a harmless action performed by people they knew. 'It's a common cognitive distortion in BPD, where individuals may swing between idealization and devaluation, perceiving situations or people as either entirely good or completely bad.' BPD is also marked by negative thinking patterns, and often times their partners/friends have to either validate their concerns or try and challenge them. We can see here that Donald is on friendlier terms with the Bartles, he calls them by their first name, but she calls them by their title. Still, she doesn't care that her husband seems to like them and disparages their 'gift'.
Anyway, their dynamic is a whole thing, I believe, and I think Donald might have actually made for a decent father had he not been torn between choosing his wife and his kids. Can't blame him or be mad at him for choosing his wife, either, maybe he had already almost lost her and became afraid of that possibility re-occurring.
So like, even when he'd come home, he'd spend time with his wife who, yes, she needed him, but he obviously neglected his kids in that aspect.
________________________
IV. Father Henry
You know how Bunny is always begging Henry for attention? He specifically needs Henry's attention, because Henry is the man in his life who he has given the 'Father' role to.
The providing role- Henry fulfills Bunny's need for a stable father, his stoicism keeps Bunny's volatile self grounded. Understand this-- Why does Bunny gravitate to Henry more?
Because of his riches? Partly.
Francis was also rich, and he was probably a bigger pushover than Henry, but Bunny still preferred Henry over Francis. It was not all about the money. Bunny needed the father he yearned for since childhood. In his mind, he'd built Henry up into this figure he could depend on no matter what. That scene with Richard in the restaurant-- Bunny's in trouble, first thing he does is call Henry, like a kid who expects their parent to always get them out of trouble. Richard even describes Bunny's behavior around Henry that of a 'bad child'.
That's why Bunny expects Henry to give him the world. That's why he respects him even after everything starts going to shit, even when he won't respect anyone else, because he never grew up, and, despite being 24 years of age he was still desperately seeking the love he knew he could have almost had. Sure, his mother perhaps would never have loved him, but his father could have loved him more, been more attentive. I don't think Donald was restrictive with his affection at all, but I do think he was not nearly as attentive as Bunny needed him to be.
You could argue he has daddy issues, so he seeks a deep relationship with a man who cannot give him what he needs. What's worse is I know Henry was trying desperately to not be his own father (Mr. Winter). He viewed parenthood as something negative, but he was pushed into that role unintentionally by Bunny. I don't think either of them realized what was going on.
Which is funny because Henry's weird co-dependent daddy-issue relationship with Bunny was what kind of lead to not only his own decline and death, but the decline of their friendship, the death of Bunny, and the decline of the Greek class. 💀
Also something to add, I can also say that I think Henry's relationship with Bunny actually began shaping Henry more into the mold of his father, Mr. Winter.
From what we can tell or assume, Henry's father was:
cold, distant (Henry's mother is depressed, meek, subservient. Henry himself has no interaction with his father. His father does not attend his funeral)
abusive (probably lead to Henry's injuries either directly or indirectly). he could have been either emotionally or physically abusive.
exercises influence through money (can be inferred although it cannot be said with 100% certainty. He's a distant business tycoon who is involved in some shady stuff, there's a level of corruption there and usually these kinds of themes are at play in such situations. But I can acknowledge this is a bit of a reach).
Henry is not cold or distant by default, I believe. I mean yeah he's kind of closed-off, but he wouldn't necessarily ignore or avoid someone just because. He becomes avoidant and cold, and distant specifically to Bunny after the turmoil with Bunny pushes him to that point.
He can't really be called abusive but he did hit Bunny (even if it was an impulse and he didn't mean it) and then throw (?) a chair at him later (definitely meant that). Also the cold and distant comes into play here because he let Bunny cry himself to sleep and did not bother apologizing even once, or even checking in on him. I know this is not his fault- he was traumatized, he didn't want to fight Bunny anymore- but there's also a level of "I'm done with this and I dont care about it anymore". Henry is shown to have a "idc" personality from the start which I think becomes exacerbated towards Bunny due to Bunny's behavior. But also, even after their fight in Rome, even when they were interacting normally, Henry did not apologize to Bunny for the crap he wrote in his journal about him. Instead, he just "tolerated" Bunny a bit more for like 2 days before abandoning him in Rome
I mean Henry didn't really leverage his financial position and privilege over Bunny
So it's a very fucked up dynamic, can you see it? They had very different relationships with their fathers, and very different expectations and views of one another. Henry never asked to be put into the shoes of Bunny's father, and Bunny never meant to push Henry into becoming Mr. Winter, but alas.
#also what if henry killed himself because he realized he was becoming his father by the way....idk just a thought#i fucking rambled again#this post has been in the works for so long but i just sat down to write it and like#i should be stuydung#help#the secret history#bunny corcoran#tsh#henry winter#tsh donna tartt#winterbunny#macdonald corcoran#katherine corcoran
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good evening or whenever this post comes to you :) can you check this post please https://www.tumblr.com/bisexualcha0s/713618568554708992
i see a lot of shit about autism dx’s being dangerous with no sources (and am unable to find further information on them!) and a lot of it just feels like fearmongering
hi there, thank you for sending this in! I'm afraid I am not going to be fact checking this one, as after some searching I don't think there are a lot of sources to either confirm or deny many of the statements given here.
On a personal note, I do want to say that my autism diagnosis (which I got as an adult) has been massively beneficial to me. It's helped inform my therapy, helped with benefits, helped other people understand me, and helped to validate my experiences. Whilst autism is definitely a terf talking point, and people definitely do face discrimination, I do want to encourage people to seek a diagnosis if that's what you want. Everything has it's pros and cons, and you can only do what's right for you.
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Let's collectively leave astrology out of toxic patterns
Credit @moonastrogirl
Can we all please collectively leave astrology out of toxic patterns ? No, it’s not because that man you dated was a scorpio or a gemini venus that all scorpio or gemini venus are bad or have issues. It’s not either because your mom has her sun in her 5th house that she is narcissistic. No it’s not because you’re an Aries that you have anger issues. And if you do seek help, do some therapy, reflect ! Let’s leave toxic patterns and behaviours to what they are toxic patterns and not personality traits based on zodiac placements…
*synastry can be more accurate to understand the dynamic of a toxic relationship rather than just personal placements so someone could have been horrible to you because of how their chart has interacted with yours ! And be the perfect person for someone else and that is fine. Sometimes the energy doesn’t match. Sometimes it does. And sometimes that person is just toxic alone and need to seek therapy not because they have a certain placement or sign.*
Why am I saying this ?
(Update of my post thanks to the comment section I always appreciate your feedbacks thank you 🙏)
1) Because it can create stereotypes for some placements or zodiac signs and make people not take astrology seriously…
2) Based on the birth chart the energy of a placement can change drastically especially after looking at the aspects and the dominant planets.
3) Some people use astrology to justify their toxic traits or behaviours and it’s not okay at all. Placements create an energy and a dynamic and we all have the will power to overcome the obstacles of difficult placements and do better.
Credit @moonastrogirl
#astrology community#astrology observations#astrology notes#astrology#astrology placements#astrology thoughts#astro observations#vedic astrology#vedic astro notes#vedic astro observations#vedic chart#birth chart#toxic parents#toxic friends#toxic love#toxic frienship#synastry#synastry observations#aries placements#taurus placements#gemini placements#cancer placements#virgo placements#leo placements#libra placements#scorpio placements#sagittarius placements#capricorn placements#aquarius placements#pisces placements
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i've said it before in other posts but i'll reiterate it here:
if you think the entire point of Any queer space, especially the lesbian community, is your "safe space to hide from men," you are not properly understanding what the space is for, and what queerness is. the point of the queer community is not to shun masculinity, manhood and maleness. we do not stand for chasing away good faith identities, which i can't believe i have to say it but, men are obviously a part of.
yes, men can be in lesbian spaces. women, nonbinary people, genderfluid people, intersex people, gnc people and other kinds of people are in gay male communities across the globe. drag queens, trans women, gnc gay men, nonbinary people, genderfluid people and many others who identify primarily as female exist openly and freely in the gay male community and have for decades. queer people of all kind can exist in all fringes of queer spaces because that's inherently what our community is about.
gay male spaces are not "boy's clubs" where "boys" can hide from "girls". lesbian spaces are not "girl's clubs" where "girls" can hide from "boys". i understand that many people have trauma, i get that, i do too- but that doesn't mean that i project my trauma on to the entirety of the community.
if you genuinely need therapy for trauma, please seek it, i encourage you to walk the path of healing. you are able to choose the gender of your therapist in most locations. if you need to talk to other women who have been abused, just say that. just say that with your whole chest. seek a therapy group for female victims of abuse. that, i guarantee you, will help you way, way more than boarding up in lesbian spaces and pissing off a bunch of queer people ever will.
if you're trying to hide from men, you don't want to be in the queer community. men will be a part of the queer community and have always been a part of the queer community. queer men aren't leaving any time soon, we're not going anywhere, and we don't deserve to be treated like predators or "just like" someone's abuser because we are men.
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Payback and Retribution pt.1
Pairing: Soldier Boy x Reader
Warnings: language, drug and alcohol mentions, substance abuse, depression, bad coping mechanisms, slow burn
Summary: To say you missed him would be an understatement, you didn't just miss Soldier Boy, you died when he did...
A/N: thank you to everyone reblogging, requesting, and liking my posts it means a lot! This is part one to a small series I'm doing. I'm also trying to work on writing more, crafting my work. If you enjoy this please let me know!
You had been told to stay in the States, rally the country against the Nazis. Told that the rest of Payback would be stationed in Nicaragua to bring more supes to the frontlines. As much as you wanted to join your team, and your boyfriend, you did as you were told. You knew they all could handle anything thrown at them. You did a pretty fine damn job on your side too, more people were signing onto the reserves. Everything seemed to be going fine, until you got that fateful call.
Crimson Countess was the one to tell you, over the phone no less. She cried, “He's gone, Soldier Boy didn't make it. We did everything we could, I'm so sorry!” You stayed silent on your end of the line, shellshocked only a second.
“What…?” She had to repeat herself twice before it registered to you.
“You're lying. There's no way Ben would go down without a fight! Why didn't you fucking save him?”
She never answered your question.
You couldn't let it sink in that the man you loved was dead. That the Russians stole his body, that Vought didn’t send Payback to go retrieve it.
They informed the media a week later that Soldier Boy was gone, that he died a hero. They also told the world they were kicking you off the team. Said you needed a break. You couldn't fucking care less, your main reason being on the team was gone, it didn't matter anymore. Without Ben, you didn't care about what happened to you.
Burying a casket without a body inside hit you hard, harder than if he were inside it. It crushed you not knowing what happened to his body. While you grieved, the rest of your former team didn't seem to care, only crying in front of cameras.
You took up drinking and drugs, looking for every chance to ease the pain in your heart though it never lasted long enough, there was no cure for your heartache. People around you suggested seeking therapy, talking to someone, go to rehab. Fuck that and fuck them, nobody seemed to understand that you didn't want to move on, that you didn't want to seek help. The drugs dulled you down around the edges, made you numb in way nothing else could. You liked being alone, you didn't need anyones help. At least in the silence, the memories of him would come back…
You craved the little things about him the most. The tick of his jaw when he was angry, the brown freckles that dusted his face. The gentleness he had when it came to you, a side of him no one else got to see. The way he take your hand in his own, rubbing the back of your hand with his thumb. You missed his snoring, the long nights of him holding you tightly, You missed how passionate he was about one day marrying you, he’d talk about the pretty little house you’d buy and the picket white fence he wanted out front. Two little kids by his side as he grilled burgers in the backyard. He desperately wanted to be a father, to be a better dad than his own father ever was, to prove him wrong…
That's what the Russians took from you, not just Ben but the possibility of the future you two had planned.
The world forgot about you. They barely remembered Soldier Boy either. You knew it was bound to happen, though you didn't expect it to happen as quick as it did…
It had been 40 fucking years since he died when you heard his name again. You'd been sitting around, doped up when a knock at your door startled you.
Nobody ever came to visit you, you were positive that you didn't order takeout, so who the fuck could it be?
You dropped the joint you were smoking, leaving it in an ashtray on your coffee table before heading towards the door.
You had to look down and make sure you at least had a shirt on, before opening it.
The skinniest white guy you think you'd ever seen stood in front of you, seeming to be stumbling over himself. A rough looking bearded man behind him grasped his shoulder, shaking him.
“Oi, Y/N right?”
You look at him up and down, before raising an eyebrow.
“What do you want?” You sighed.
That's when the bearded fucker grinned ear to ear. “We got a proposition for ya!”
You roll your eyes before moving to shut the door when he puts his foot in the door frame. “We found 'im. Your boyfriend, Soldier Boy. He's alive.”
Why would a complete stranger knock on your door only to fuck with you?
“I've heard it all before, look if you want an autograph, come back tomorrow or something, fuck.”
The skinny one's eyes widen, another fucking fanboy. Great.
“H-he's not lying! Vought had the Russians kidnap him! Payback was the one to give him to them, the reason you weren't there was because they knew the wouldn't be able to contain you both!”
“Why should I believe you?” you say crossing your arms. This wasn't something you'd heard before…
“We have someone on the inside of Vought, gave us the files on his location on where he's being held. The Russians never killed him, they've been using him as their science experiment. We need your help in breaking him out.”
The bigger man steps forward, we extending his hand. “I'm Butcher, that's Hughie. We got some beef with Homelander, Soldier Boy is our only chance at taking 'im down. Now how about you join us, come get some payback on those fuckers who betrayed you, and bring him home? You up for it?”
You think for a second. “Sure, why the fuck not? It's not like I've got anything else going on…”
“Fuck yeah.”
#x reader#soldier boy imagine#soldier boy x reader#the boys imagine#soldier boy x supe!reader#soldier boy x y/n#soldier boy x you
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an excruciatingly long ramble about the ‘03 turtles and the enneagram 🐢💜 pt4
[ intro + disclaimers post ]
[ pt 2 - raph ]
[ pt 3 - leo ]
[ pt 5 - mikey ]
don, 5 with a 4 wing
addendums: [ 1 ]
intro
alright, donnie-bear, it’s your turn in the spotlight. which i know you hate, so i’ll try not to keep you too long.
don doesn’t really get to have like… a season-wide growth or 'arc' of sorts (leo’s is a main focus of season four and raph’s is more of a subtle thing you can notice as the series progresses). what’s interesting is, in some ways, being a 5 could explain that. IF we wanted to be charitable and say never addressing the wild shit don goes through was intentional. but i know that’s more self-indulgence or wanting to gently take the writers by their shoulders and shake them on my end.
please, flying spaghetti monster, get these boys some goddamn therapy.
let’s begin.
bare basics of the 5
5s are one of the three withdrawn types (along with 4s and 9s), and they’re members of the head triad (made of 5s, 6s and 7s).
the withdrawn types lack differentiation between their conscious self and their unconscious, unprocessed thoughts, impulses and feelings. their unconsciousness constantly wells up into consciousness through daydreams and fantasies. all three of the withdrawn types respond to stress by moving away from engagement with the world around them and into an “inner safe haven” in their imagination. in other words, they have a habit of “zoning out”.
the head triad may also be referred to as the ‘thinking’, ‘reason’ or ‘fear’ triad. members of this triad are concerned with anxiety; they carry a great deal of fear and are driven by it. they feel they experience a lack of support and guidance, and because of this they often engage in behaviors they believe will enhance their safety and security. they take in and relate to the world through the mind, and they tend to think and plan carefully before they act. 5s externalize it, 6s internalize it, and 7s forget it.
a 5’s basic fear is that of being helpless, useless, overwhelmed or incapable
their basic desire is to be capable and competent
they believe they’ll be okay so long as they have mastered something
childhood take-aways
as you likely expect, we return to the quote from master splinter in things change (s1ep1):
“your path in life will not be an easy one. the outside world will not be a friendly place for you. you four are different in ways the surface dwellers would never understand. to survive, you must master these skills i teach you: the powers of stealth and secrecy. you must become kage, shadow warriors, and you must never be discovered by the outside world.”
young 5s tend to be quiet children who occupy their time with books, collecting insects or plants, learning a musical instrument, using a computer, or playing board games or with chemistry sets rather than participate in play with their peers. anxious parents might find themselves coaxing their young 5 into basic activities--joining a sports team or going to a playground--in an effort for their child to be more ‘normal’; these efforts are often met with intense resistance from the 5. the 5 will sometimes feel overwhelmed by their protective figures, and they'll seek out other ways to feel secure and confident.
as children, 5s see the world around them with startling clarity. they elaborate on it in their minds, which will have repercussions later on for better or for worse. these types value independence--or, more accurately: non-intrusion. early on, 5s learn to believe that by not asking much from you, you won't ask much of them; through that, 5s attain safety and a feeling of control. as a way of defending themselves, they learn to cut themselves off from nurturance--any painful feelings of need and longing--by staying in their minds.
something i find interesting about the lesson (s3ep13) in retrospect of the enneagram is what don and leo choose to focus on when teaching a young casey. now, i know in some way the choices were kind of narrative jokes (as well as poking fun at the fact they’re like eight-years-old and trying to teach something complex like martial arts) but i think, in don’s case, there’s a bit more going on.
leo, who in his older years more focuses on strategy, went for meditation as his starting point (likely remembering where his own ninjitsu training might have begun and wanting to do it 'right') whereas don went for strategy as HIS starting point.
one could argue that out of the four brothers, don is the ‘weakest’ fighter (in terms of technique and natural skill, NOT physical strength; i will get to that). rather than focus on where his ninjitsu training began and giving casey the chance to see if his own physical abilities can develop, don goes right into where he knows HE’S capable: the thinking aspect. planning.
splinter says “to survive, you must master these skills”, and here is a young don already recognizing that out of the four of them, he needs to rely on something more than just ninjitsu skills alone.
don’s best tool in an actual confrontation at this point--what would keep him capable and ‘not useless’--would be navigating a battlefield strategically and keeping himself one step ahead of his opponent.
in flashbacks from tales of leo (s1ep19), we can see don’s built himself a little robot car. this, obviously, will serve no form of protection or security in an actual fight or time of emergency; it’s a toy. he’s a child with a still-developing brain and knowledge of the craft. there's no context to if this story takes place before or after the events of the lesson, but it's evident he's already pursuing other areas to (hopefully!) master outside of ninjitsu that could aid him later.
don as a 5
5s can sometimes be nicknamed: ‘the thinker’, ‘the innovator’, ‘the observer’, ‘the sage’, ‘the specialist’, ‘the radical’, or ‘the expert’.
more than any type, 5s want to find out why things are the way they are. behind their relentless pursuit of knowledge is a deep insecurity about their ability to function successfully. 5s feel that they do not have an ability to do things as well as others. they believe in the safety and security of their own minds.
5s are highly motivated by a desire to understand. to them, gathering knowledge and mastering information are keys to survival. 5s collect and horde information like dragons to gold; they want to know at least a little bit about every obscure topic. they don’t want to appear foolish or uninformed, or be humiliated by not having the correct answer. while don’s physically present at the hockey game in the golden puck (s2ep18), he’s got his nose in a book about the sport's history. this could not only be his 5’s desire to collect information, but also an attempt to understand something casey (and maybe by proxy, raph) is interested in.
5s have a presentational or lecture-like “talking style”; if you ask them what they feel, they’re more likely to tell you what they think. due to this, they tend to respond to problems rather than react to them. it’s this ability that helps don stay as the level-head out of the four brothers. like 9s, 5s are able to remain neutral and see both sides of a conflict. but where a 9 might be worried about hurt feelings, a 5 will look at the situation objectively and shoot straight with you (a contributing reason to why raph might respond better to don calling him out than leo or mikey; don is always going to be straight-forward with him, something 8s, as we covered, value). raph and leo, being on the gut-triad, have a tendency to react to their instinct, and mikey doesn’t always slow down enough to exercise his 5 (it’s his security number, and we’ll get to that).
from a narrative/’tope’ standpoint, you could look at don having 'random' knowledge outside of his usual science and engineering expertise as him filling his narrative role as “the smart one”, but his 5 could also serve as an explanation for why he just… can either read or recognize an italian phrase in the darkness within (s3ep14) or why he has a pigeon puppet in search for splinter (s1ep25) that my bird-loving ass continues to be DELIGHTED over to this day. a 5 never wants to be put in a position where they have to depend on others to take care of them. the idea of losing their independence and self-reliance terrifies them. so, they gather all sorts of information and ideas and resources they deem potentially useful later.
and semi-due to this, the average 5 has a bit of a scarcity mentality. they’re careful to measure how much time they’re spending with others in comparison to time they spend honing their abilities to master something or expand their knowledge. this might lead to them hoarding their space, time, and even affection. it’s common for a 5 to have a space that is THEIR space. this could be as small as a specific chair they always retreat to for reading (that they get a little territorial about should you find yourself sitting in it one day), a corner of the garage, or a larger space such as a study or work-room. don, of course, has his lab which seems to be a (questionably) repurposed subway car for the majority of the series. i don’t know how he got it in the lair… that’s a question for another day. and given a 5’s secrecy and independence it, frankly, wouldn’t surprise me if no one knows how he got it in there. we'll touch on that more in a bit.
don’s wing was probably the hardest for me to pin down out of the brothers. i remember on the same site i saw raph being labeled as an 8w9, don was a 5w6. it took a lot of thinking, a lot of reviewing, but i’ve decided i disagree.
it’s possible he might reach for the 6’s influence from time to time, but i decided on 4 for two key reasons:
5s with a 6 wing tend to be more argumentative and will even actively antagonize people who disagree with them and their views (gives me more stockman energy than it does don; not saying stockman is a 5, tho), and
when mikey’s talking about the different freedoms they all have due to leo shouldering most of the responsibility in samurai tourist (s4ep13), he says don’s free to ‘dream’.
mikey’s insight and that word choice are important. again, i can’t help but wonder if the site’s decision to give don a 6 for a wing was to fully put him on the thinking triad rather than give him a foot in the feeling triad.
the 4’s influence brings with it the more surreal and fantastical; 5w4s are more creative and often seek niches unexplored by others, able to tap into the imaginative side of their brain rather than only the analytic. i think it goes without saying that several of don’s inventions are outside the norm and incredibly creative and innovative. the tunneler, whose existence would even be the undoing of the shredder in another world, is a fantastic example of this. additionally, don's limited access to resources forces him to think and problem-solve more even creatively, and i wouldn't be surprised if that fueled and developed his 4 more than his 6.
5s with a 4 wing are sometimes nicknamed ‘the iconoclast’. they’re creative, sensitive, and empathetic. they’re not always sure what to do with their feelings and prefer to process them in solitude. these 5s are more prone to experiencing melancholy, but they’re less emotionally guarded around others and tend to be better at being kind to themselves. they tend to be more creative than the other sub-type; their tinkering with familiar forms, ideas and concepts can lead to startling innovations. they’re often drawn to the arts, and their curiosity and perceptiveness combine with the desire to express their unique and personal visions.
stress & security numbers
don’s stress number is a 7, so in times of high stress and low spirits he’ll begin to express the negative traits associated to 7s. stressed 5s hoard and cling more tightly to things, make their world smaller and smaller, and will turn their attention away from the needs of others. in worst-case scenarios, they might refuse to help at all or even become hostile to the suggestion, as it would require them to use their valuable time, energy and resources that keep THEM safe. they might become frivolous, disorganized and distracted to the point of not being able to complete tasks and stop thinking about the consequences of their behavior. they’ll begin feeling even more inadequate, feel sorry for themselves, and do whatever they can to avoid pain.
these 5s become more impulsive, their minds speed up--restless and agitated--and they feel more compelled to distract themselves. under extreme stress, they might even become aggressive and insensitive in their pursuit of… whatever it is they want at the time.
examples of don’s 7 showing up could include:
his outburst at his brothers at the start of return to the underground (s2ep13), his frustration with himself for not being able to find a cure for their friends below, and remaining confined/isolated to his lab while his brothers continue to go about their lives and other activities
straight up ripping professor honeycutt’s head off in worlds collide pt1 (s3ep5) because he panicked. funny as it was, mikey’s right… that was kind of extreme. aggressive, impulsive, and insensitive, one might even say
we get a glimpse of one of don’s workstations in bad day (s4ep8) and it's a complete mess. it’s possible that leo’s shift in attitude is wearing don down internally. he’s not taking care of his spaces, and he might not be taking care of himself much, either.
in dragons rising (s4ep10), when leo’s hanging off the back of a truck and mikey’s sliding on the hood of the battleshell, there's a pair of dragons in a truck behind them. those dragons rear-end the battleshell, and don doesn’t hesitate to shoot a fucking missile right into the driver’s seat. had those dragons not thought fast enough to bail, they'd be off the census.
also in this episode, after don tries to look on the bright side (saying they stopped half the convoy) and leo snaps at him, he’s turned away from leo for the rest of the scene--he’s even cut out of the frame in one shot. boy has: completely withdrawn from the ‘conversation’ while the others remain engaged and listening.
don’s security number is an 8, so when mentally and spiritually healthy he’ll begin to adopt the positive traits associated with 8s. with the influence of their 8, 5s become more spontaneous, outspoken and physically present. they get energetic, confident, and much more talkative. the difference can be quite striking to people, leading to playful questions like “what’s gotten into don today?”.
secure 5s become more willing to participate rather than just observe. they feel empowered to take on major challenges, and some will even pursue or assume leadership roles. rather than fear the loss of the abilities or expertise that they’ve been careful to cultivate in isolation, they harness those skills strategically and constructively. they come out of their own heads and embrace a deeper contact with their vitality and physicality. they can take on a whimsical or dark sense of humor, and take delight in puns and wordplay. a more mischievous, lively and elfin side of them begins to show through. a 5 who wants to experience the abundance of life without worrying about what they can afford to lose is one on the high side of an 8.
examples of don’s 8 surfacing could include:
whenever we see him engaging in play with his brothers; he’s not only choosing to be present and share his time with them, but he also seems to--pardon the pun--come out of his shell a bit more. examples could include darkness at the edge of town (s1ep6), reflections (s2ep9), space invaders pt 1 (s3ep2), nobody’s fool (s3ep11), and time travails (s3ep17)
in the king (s1ep16) when the champions all battle cry and rush into the fight, he joins them. battle cry and all. fucking dweeb.
suggesting they all go get ice cream in the ultimate ninja (s2ep10); it’s small, but don’s choosing to not only remain present but to leave the lair and do an unplanned activity with the others
any time he exercises that gentleman’s snark of his, but i’m going to choose a class favorite: “nighty night, dragon-boy” from cousin sid (s4ep1)
how giddy and talkative he is at the start of return of savanti (s4ep20).
don’s 8 is subtle, but it breaks his habitual patterns. people who aren’t that familiar with him might think this is just him behaving ‘normally’, but those who do know him understand that he prefers being left to his projects, studies, and ideas. when he chooses to not only be present in the moment and spend his valuable time with his loved ones, it’s him leaving his safe spaces, risking to use up those resources he so carefully maintains and allowing himself to feel good and be confident in areas he’s normally not. his 8’s a little difficult to spot, but it’s there if you know how to spot a 5 dipping their toe into gremlin-mode. and it is highly endearing.
just don’t tell sam regiel that, he lives 24/7 in gremlin-mode, sometimes figuratively, sometimes literally, none of us are safe--
cardinal sins - 5 and greed
much in the way that raph’s cardinal sin wasn’t a surface-level explanation, neither is don’s. because i can already hear some folks protesting in regard to how generous and selfless he is. i hear you, and you’re correct. materialistically, 5s can be extremely generous. … however, as the greediest greed to ever greed once said:
“you humans think greed is only about money and power.
but everybody wants something they don't have.”
remember that the thinking and head triad can also be called the ‘fear’ triad, and that types in this triad struggle with and are driven by fear. fear makes 5s shrink inward, and avarice makes them hoard whatever minimal resources they have around them. their greed, their avarice, focuses on their inner resources, their energy, and their time. they’re greedy for knowledge and improving their expertise, and they can easily feel intruded upon and learn to protect themselves by emotionally withdrawing from people.
5s want to conserve their energy and resources in order to avoid needing others too much, trying to take as little from the environment and those around them as possible. they feel as though there is not much of them to go around, and the needs of others can deplete or exhaust them. don even laments in his official profile that he longs for the day he can be left alone to explore his interests, and that maybe someday "he'll have the time he needs".
in new blood (s3ep12) don 'cheats' at their game of ninja hide-and-seek by using nightvision goggles to quickly find his brothers. he's both making up for, in his mind, his natural skill at the game, and he's possibly looking to speed things up a bit so he can return to what HE wants to use his time doing. i think it's also worth noting that in city at war pt3 (s2ep16), don’s the one who asks karai what’s in it for them should they agree to help her. in exchange for the valuable resources the turtles will give to help karai (their time, their energy, their literal safety), what do they get in return?
it’s also important to recognize that 5s consider information a resource. due to this, 5s are extremely private and secretive people. it’s rare for any one person to know everything about a 5; each colleague or friend might have a part of a 5’s story, but no one person or even group of people will have the whole story. 5s might even go out of their way to not introduce certain circles of friends to each other due to an underlying fear that they all might talk to each other and be able to piece together what information about the 5 they have. that information--their lives and experiences--is THEIRS. keeping that hidden away, not sharing that resource, is a method of security.
i think we get a fair amount of glimpses into this aspect of don throughout the series, and the first is quite earliy on, but small. when they meet april (s1ep3), don’s not the one who introduces himself as the tech-wiz in the group. mikey’s the one who talks him up, and don even tells him to ‘cut it out’ (even if he says this playfully or humbly, this is not technically mikey's information to share).
the way mikey reacts to don's pigeon puppet suggests this is the first time any of them have seen the silly thing. as far as we know, he never tells his brothers about the events of the king (s1ep16) or that he got tortured by triceratons (s3ep3)--FOR information, at that!--or about where he went in same as it never was (s3ep21). and the whole time he’s sick in the latter half of season 4, he keeps brushing it off as just a bug bite and then a cold. he’s probably in a lot more discomfort than he ever lets on, but… eh, no one needs to know that. it’s probably nothing. this is both HIS information… and, also, leans into the 5’s negative trait of neglecting their own health in stressed states and minimizing their own comfort. they don’t want to have to rely on anyone for anything.
as with raph and leo, let’s also peek at the other cardinal sins associated with don: with his 4 wing, 7 stress and 8 security, the others in his circle would be envy, gluttony, and lust respectively.
SaiNW and don straight up disappearing
a gentle content warning for mention of death in the last paragraph of this section. i know it’s kind of a ‘dead dove, do not eat’ situation with this being sainw and all, but just so you know it’s coming.
as i mentioned in an earlier section, don’s 5 aids him in being the level-head in the family. sainw!mikey even remarks on this in the episode (that "they really needed that level-head of his"). i mentioned in that same section that mikey does have access to the 5, with it being his security number, but… given the environment of sainw, i think it’s fair to say that all of the turtles would have been in the most unhealthy state of their core number. this would mean mikey’s 5 is closed off, and he’d be leaning more into his 1. they, as a team, had lost their links to any of the positive influence that could have come from the 5’s respond over react nature.
don’s disappearance is left vague, not only to us as the viewers but also to his family. he just disappeared. and when his brothers finally see him again thirty years later, it’s not even their don. they're just as in the dark as we are, meaning there was no big fight or blow up or otherwise ‘obvious explanation’ as to why don would have left without a word.
i discussed leo and raph's types at their highest and lowest points, so let's pause to take a look at don's real quick. at their healthiest, 5s can be described as: participating and visionary, observant and perceptive, focused and innovative. at their unhealthiest, they become: nihilistic and eccentric, horrified and delirious, oblivion seeking and self-annhilating.
the series itself is officially twenty years old, and sainw is one of the most utilized episodes when it comes to the creation of fanworks, so i’m sure just about every reason under the sun has been either touched upon or hinted at or explored to explain why don vanished the way he did. and, sadly, thanks to don’s 5, they could all work in my opinion. it’s painfully simple.
5s, due to their need for independence as well as their reluctance to talk about themselves, are the types of people who will leave the house without a word. if they realize the house coffee supply is running low, they’ll grab their keys and head out to the store. they have a library book that's due soon, so rather than go directly home after work like they usually do they'll detour to drop it off. maybe they just feel like taking a walk; out the door they go. no “hey, i’m heading out, be back in ten!”, no text, no post-it note, nothing. it’s not a reflection on how they feel about you or anyone else, it’s just how they are.
it wouldn’t surprise me at all if don was guilty of this. maybe in the middle of a project he realizes he needs something from the junkyard, flings his duffel over his shoulder and just heads out to go grab it real quick. if no one happens to cross his path between his lab and the garage door, he won’t go out of his way to tell anyone where he's off to or that he's leaving at all. they probably won’t know unless one of them text or call him (rip leo and raph’s stress-o-meters). there’s, of course, a chance his family has caught onto this habit and requested he let SOMEONE know, but… that also means don would have to comply to that. be it intentionally ignoring this request or maybe just being too wrapped up in his work or creative excitement to get what he needs and continue making progress that he just plain forgets to say something, who knows.
sainw!don likely did the same thing, and his exit would have likely been paired with a more unhealthy and stressed state of being. for some reason, a reason we’ll never have, he left their hideout and all dialogue/evidence points to no one happening to cross his path on his way out to learn where he was going.
maybe he just needed air. maybe he was trying to get supplies. maybe he got captured and/or killed while he was out there. maybe there are details surrounding casey and/or splinter’s death that we don’t have that caused him to actually want to break off from the others and go on his own (the 7 in him stopping him from being attentive to the needs of others and withdrawing in full, hostile to helping). maybe he was in the wrong place at the wrong time, and a genuine, unrelated accident cost him his life and no one knew where he was or even to go looking for him when he never came back. we don’t know and we never will. it's another layer to the tragedy of the episode.
[ryan bergara voice] what happened to sainw!donatello will always remain… unsolved.
i’m sorry, if i don’t meme at least once in this section i will be depressed for the rest of the day, let’s move on.
brains and brawn? you mean don.
this has been commented on in the fandom a handful of times over the years: don’s probably the strongest, physically, out of the brothers. yeah, stronger than raph. there’s evidence not only in-series, but if you consider the enneagram aspect of don and his 5, it opens another perspective into some of the things we might not get to see on screen.
take don’s independence for example. the fact he doesn’t ever want to have to rely on anyone else. sure, yeah, being in danger out on the field--he’s aware of when he needs help and will ask for it in that aspect, as he has recognized that ninjitsu is not the ‘skill’ he has mastered or has aimed TO master… but he’s not going to ask his brothers for help moving things around in his lab (especially given that his lab is one of HIS spaces). he’s going to do it himself, even if he has to spend two days building a one-use pulley system to make it happen. this is the enneagram type who just flat out leaves the house without telling anyone anything. you think he’s gonna wander out of his lab and ask someone to help him move a giant tire if he can figure out a way to do it himself? hell no. god forbid.
think about all the shit don has to move on a day to day basis to build and fix and modify the stuff he does. the average weight of an eight-cylinder car engine is between 400 to 700 pounds (that’s 181kg to 317kg). and the original battleshell wasn’t just a van, either, it was an armored car they ‘borrowed’ from the purple dragons (s1ep1). we see that he has a car engine removed and suspended while he fixes it in lone raph and cub (s1ep24) and it's fucking huge. it’s so funny to think that raph is over here like “i’m gonna be so strong [works out in his free time]” and meanwhile don’s out beside some abandoned car somewhere with the hood propped open like “hmm… i COULD call one of my brothers and ask them to help me strip this engine out and get it home… but i could also not do that [proceeds to not do that and gets it home himself]”.
i acknowledge that some of these can be dismissed as "cartoon physics", but humor me for a paragraph.
given that everyone else was busy fighting, don had to've dragged stockman's robotic arm--which is bigger than him--from inside the building to the outer edge all on his own in return to new york pt3 (s1ep23) so he can cover raph from the roof. we’ve seen don single-handedly lift a metal beam off his person (s2ep20), we’ve seen him stop an underwater fan with his staff and force it to stay still (s3ep9), we’ve seen him jam his staff into solid fucking cement cement (s2ep14), when everyone was getting sucked into the portal at the end of the battle nexus it was traximus--the eight foot triceraton--THEN don keeping the chain anchored to the ground (s2ep26), he’s thrown triceratons around with his own two hands--lifted one out of a vehicle even (s2ep4), he dragged two of his unconscious brothers toward the pedestal in april’s artifact (s2ep21), he and raph are both bearing the brunt of the weight of a slab of roof after the foot’s training building collapses in city at war (s2ep15), he’s been at the top of the turtle chain at least twice in the series when they’re hanging off of something (s1ep2 & s3ep26) which means he’s holding up roughly 720 pounds with just his own damn hands and arms.
in his pursuit to master mechanics while being fully independent in doing so, not needing to rely on his brothers to help him move things from the junkyard to his lab to the final piece, he’s unknowingly made himself the team muscle, too. my brother in bushido, do you even lift? yes.
anyway the entire point of this section is to say that whenever i see 03 don written as the physically weak one because he’s the nerd and not the most skilled fighter, i’m immediately yeeting myself out of the conversation. he’ll scrap with you in the vacant lot behind the arby’s and win.
yet another section about the first half of season 4
since we talked about raph and leo’s perspectives in this area of the show--and since i plan on dedicating a section for mikey in his post--don deserves a lookover as well.
if you were to ask me who was probably coping the worst with the outcome of exodus, it’d obviously be leo. duh. but if you were to ask me who was coping the worst aside from leo, i would place my money on don. the series doesn’t allow him to process like it did with leo, and if you zoom out a bit and look at season 3… there’s not a lot of time, we can assume, between sainw and exodus. narratively, there are three episodes, but two of them (the real world parts 1 and 2) take place on the same day as sainw. in both sainw and exodus, don is the last man standing at the end of the fight. in sainw he defeats the shredder after his brothers have perished. in exodus, master splinter and his brothers are all downed. leo and raph are even lying beside each other again. the whole thing had to’ve been too close for comfort on a variety of levels. a slap of deja-vu he didn’t ask for and that no one else in the room is going to understand.
we don’t get to see a lot of don directly engaging with leo’s shift in attitude throughout the earlier half of season four and, maybe while not purposeful by the writers, i think at least some of that could be contributed to his 5 dipping into his 7. where raph is challenging leo’s attitude shift and starting to push him away by becoming hostile (as a way of protecting himself), don is just straight up not engaging with leo at all if he can help it. in his head, he doesn’t have the energy or capacity to deal with this right now. his own inner resources are low, he’s still healing from sainw and exodus on his own, and not only does he not want anyone to know about that, he just can’t deal with leo’s needs at the moment.
his shared glee with raph over mikey having to do a rematch with kluh (s4ep6) could even be attributed to his 7’s desperate and scattered need for a distraction--a change of pace--oh, thank god, not only will this keep leo’s attention off ME and he’ll stop dragging me into training, but maybe it’ll humble mikey enough to get him to stop antagonizing raph for a day because the air around here is already too tense.
when we get to the opening of samurai tourist (s4ep13), don points out that raph’s right in recognizing leo’s shift in behavior is getting worse, but he does so in a way that's uncharacteristically removed for him.
“leo’s gotten really intense. ever since our final showdown with the shredder, he just seems so… angry."
like... this is an extremely surface level observation for the same guy who noticed that they very well could have been in nano’s position had master splinter not been a good person (s2ep11), or who pointed out to mikey that he shouldn’t call the undergrounders ‘monsters’ when to most people they are ALSO monsters (s1ep14), or who connected the dots that if it hadn’t been for the shredder they never would have become mutants (s2ep9), or who didn’t hesitate to give zog a breathing aid because he knew oxygen was poisonous to him (s2ep19)--just to name a few instances.
don has consistently throughout the series been empathetic and aware of the experiences and emotions and needs of the people they encounter. now, one of the people he knows better than anyone else on the planet has drastically changed, but all he can say is that he seems angry. don isn’t in a healthy enough place to feel secure in using his inner resources to spend on leo. they’ve all likely been focused inward and on keeping himself afloat, keeping his own struggles invisible and minimized, keeping his head down while tensions rise between raph and leo.
again, i wish so badly that the series had taken the time to explore the ripple effect of leo’s damage as well as any healing that the other brothers needed to do rather than simply saying “they’ve all healed, but you, leo, have not”. because i just don’t believe that. i do like that the brothers seem to be responding in their own ways to leo’s shift, with don and raph being on the unhealthier end of that and mikey being on the healthy side, but… yeah. wish we had a half season to explore all of them. guess that’s what fanfiction’s for.
conclusion
as mentioned in part 1, the two books i referenced and heavily pulled from in the more enneagram-focused sections of this project (the parts where the enneagram itself is explained rather than how it applies to the turtles) were:
the wisdom of the enneagram by don richard riso & russ hudson
the road back to you by ian morgan cron & suzanne stabile
oh my god, i can’t believe i only have one post left in this series to do. after over a year of working on this thing to finally see it come to a close is kind of wild. honestly, it was getting to the point i was wondering if i’d do it at all (which is why i just FORCED myself to post the disclaimer post as a way of holding myself accountable jfdkls).
anyway, i’m very excited. mikey’s the last one to go, and--as i had a reason i chose to cover raph first--i have a reason i chose to cover mikey last. the reason might be evident if you’ve been paying attention, too. but i’ll elaborate on that a bit more once we get into the post itself. u-u/!
thank you so, so much for reading yet again, and i hope you enjoy the warm drinks and snacks i set out for you. see you in the next one!
#tmnt#tmnt 2003#tmnt 2k3#tmnt don#tmnt donatello#;tmnt#;hannah's meta#;tmnt enneagram#;donatello#[ LET'S GO LADS. ONE MORE TO WRITE. ]
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Here’s some positivity for headmates who are depression holders!
Having a the system role of holding onto negative, harmful, or uncomfortable symptoms can be exhausting and challenging for any system member. Regardless of how well your system functions, it can still be so hard to be a symptom holder for something painful like depression! This post is for headmates who are depression holders in their systems!
Shoutout to headmates who have been sad or depressed for as long as they can remember!
Shoutout to headmates who struggle with active or passive suicidal thoughts!
Shoutout to headmates whose past traumas have caused them to hold their system’s depression!
Shoutout to headmates who appear upbeat, happy, and cheerful despite being their system’s depression holders!
Shoutout to headmates who are incredibly emotional and tend to cry or get upset easily!
Shoutout to headmates who willingly took on a depression holder role to benefit the rest of their system!
Shoutout to headmates who are taking medication, seeking therapy, or are in some other form of treatment for their depression!
Shoutout to headmates who don’t know how to properly cope with their depression, or who have harmful or negative coping strategies!
Shoutout to headmates whose depression has caused them to always feel tired, exhausted, despondent, or lethargic!
Shoutout to headmates who can’t just “snap out of it” when they’re depressed, and who feel sad more than they feel happy!
Shoutout to headmates who help their system function and take care of important tasks even while dealing with depression!
Shoutout to headmates whose depression has caused their system to be hospitalized or institutionalized in the past!
Shoutout to headmates whose depression has made it hard for their system to maintain proper hygiene, stay fed and hydrated, or even get out of bed!
Those who are depression holders serve vital, often thankless roles in their systems. To every depression holder out there, we want to let you know that we see you, we understand your struggles, and we’re wishing you the very best!
Please try to treat yourself with gentle kindness, even if it’s hard! Know that you’re an important member of your system just like the rest of your headmates, and you’re deserving of peace, comfort, and joy just the way you are! We hope that soon you can learn positive coping skills in order to allow your whole system a better quality of life. Until then, know that we’re rooting for you and we wish you the very best! Thanks so much for reading, and take care!
(Image ID:) A pale orange userbox with a cluster of multicolored flowers for the userbox image. The border and text are both dark orange, and the text reads “all plurals can interact with this post!” (End ID.)
#multiplicity#pluralgang#plurality#actuallyplural#system positivity#plural positivity#plural pride#system pride#depression#depression holder#suicide#trauma#hospitalization#institutionalization
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youve posted suicide notes and ur paypal is literally your pinned post. those things are nothing to be ashamed about, but anon is right. you need to seek help for your mental health, and that help can only be found by seeing medical professionals. i’m sorry baby. i’m asking you again please go to the 519!!!! really good place to start if you’re not comfortable going to a hospital, however if you need to not be alone (even if it’s not because ur suicidal) going to the hospital is the best choice.
i dont know why u put so much stock on medical professionals. they dont 'help' anything, especially not mental health. they dont prescribe medication and when they do its nothing that works, therapy takes money and resources i dont have, and therapists dont understand anyway, and if i tell a therapist or psychiatrist im suicidal i will be institutionalized which would kill me. i dont have the mental capacity to go to and navigate resources like the 519 alone! and they couldn't fix the actual problems i have anyway. thanks for what youve said before but that isnt true. there are direct problems causing my mental state right now and theyre not curable by some mental "professional". i wish ppl would stop assuming my issues are caused only by myself.
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I find it very disturbing to watch the hoops seb*ciel shippers are willing to go through to justify the fact that they are ped0philes.
The fact that it’s fiction doesn’t change the fact that you find children sexually appealing. I understand getting confused when you’re young. When I was a teenager I shipped it too but it was more of a “Sebastian is hot and this is the character he interacts the most with plus I’m the same age as Ciel so what’s the problem?” However as I grew up and obviously left Ciel’s age range, it was obvious to see how incredibly wrong it was to consume that type of content.
Now in my early 20s, I’m seeing people OLDER than me fight tooth and nail to justify the CP that they produce/consume and it makes me sick. I just saw a post from a woman in her 30s going OFF on someone for saying it’s gross.
The reasons why they justify it are disturbing as well but I won’t go into them here as to not offend anyone. But let me just say as someone who has two degrees (one in general psych and one in child psych), you don’t need CP. You need therapy. This isn’t an insult. It’s hopefully a wake up call. Please seek therapy before this escalates into something more.
^
#sebastian michaelis#o!ciel#ociel#our ciel#ciel phantomhive#black butler#kuroshitsuji#black butler confession
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I saw your notes on ewingstan's Kenzie interlude post, and if you'd like to talk at me about the Kenzie interlude, please do! I need someone else to share in my character brainworms.
I think Kenzie's mom and dad is an interesting contrast to Carol and Mark, imo, and in many ways feel more similar to the fanon New Wave parents you see in bad fanfiction.
Both sets of parents are abusive, but they cover two different sides of the abusive: the Martins cover the physical and Dallons emotional/mental.
Mrs. Martin and Carol are the more obvious hate-sinks: both are vocal and headstrong (not to mention proud of themselves), but where Mrs. Martin holds no compunctions with beating Kenzie repeatedly, Carol's abuse is more like a scalpel (saying the wrong/right words or using poignant silence and stares to get a message across). Carol would be horrified at the act of lashing out physically (not that she hasn't come close or been tempted ofc; see her interlude), while Mrs. Martin would likely not even begin to understand subtlety. Funny enough, both even talk about how their jobs are more about supporting people rather than taking the lead (though that may be Carol specifically acting humble; epilogues show this is not the case). Carol does end up apologizing for her actions and seems to, on a level, recognize that her daughters will be distant from her because of her actions. Not to say she's 100% better, but that she has a chance for growth.
Mr. Martin and Mark are overlooked, because they are more than willing to let their wives take the heat, but that doesn't mean they aren't massive fuck ups either. Mr. Martin clearly has no love for Kenzie and blames her mere existence for causing his wife to lash out, and in general tries to act as the belabored husband dealing with two non-negotiable women. He will raise his hands and step aside while his wife beats his child repeatedly. Mark is more complicated, but the end result does tend to have the same outcome. This is not to disparage his depression, but it's clear that Mark has more power in the relationship than he lets on (he was the one who pressured Carol to have Victoria AND to quit therapy, while she was going through law school, just because he didn't like therapy!) and that at some point he decided that his children did not need him to parent them (see: his talk to Victoria about how he never needed to check on her). Victoria even notes that his visits began to slow down once he realized she was conscious in the asylum, and we see that he will enable Amy even when she tried to murder Sveta (aka someone he called "family") until Victoria pushed him. It's only by the book end that he decides to put his foot down and seek out ways to remove himself from an unhealthy marriage, and perhaps seek out help in a different country.
(I know I gave the men more focus, but that's because the story tends to focus more on the wives, and I feel like it made some readers forget/overlook their awful behavior)
#parahumans#wildbow#ward#ward web serial#wardblr#Mr. Martin#Mrs. Martin#Mark Dallon#Carol Dallon#Flashbang#Brandish
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hello- [i hope you are having a nice time existing]
i honestly cannot for the life of me think of a question for you so uhhhhh gimme ur favourite fable headcanon[s] you have.
i will eat them
please and thank u /nf /lh
Favorite hcs.. Hmmm this is probably a decently long post so...
Little rae would give little ic funky aura things if he found them to put in potions.
Also Ic and Rae (and isla) have a very specific whistle that was one little little icarus did and the rest of them picked up.
Little centross was the best at hide and seek.
Icarus's feathers will get everywhere. Fully convinced that currently there are some in Morningstar castle. How did they get there no clue.
Jamie knows all the gossip all the time. I mean, people tell their secrets to their pets all the time.
Jamie can understand Ic's birb whistles
Had he been given the chance to Centross would've made an amazing knight for either wolf's fam or the morningstars
The necklaces that soul gave isla came in a crimson wood box with an orchid on the top (totally not a cosplay prop I have)
Soul, Isla, and Alerion (and probably Vivienne) had a book club (read: probably a gossip group)
Had anyone gotten therapy, fewer people would've died
Ocie does the thing where you put only your eyes above water and creep towards people
Wolf is one of the people who runs the warmest (probably right behind Athena and Jamie)
Atlas has amazing emotional reading skills
Oscar reminds Len of little Athena
If given flowers, they will end up in Oscars mouth
Unblinking stare into wolf's eyes (gold prebby) [<- Oscar mostly but thena occasionally]
Connor the crusty white dog and Ulysses sound a lot alike
Oscar will bite those he gets bad vibes from (learned from his aunt chaos <3 encouraged by mother)
Aax enjoys ridiculous amounts of humidity
Caspian perpetually smells like pine needles
Ic will wrap people in their elytra when hugging
Ocue will grab peoples ankles when they're swimming to startle them
I made most of these up on the go for 20 minutes but it was fun and I do adore these.
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