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#toxic frienship
morepeachyogurt · 8 months
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i love you, i do, but i cannot fucking stomach you
1. richard siken | 2. david foster wallace | 3. slavoj žižek | 4. x? | 5. succession, jesse armstrong. gif by @lesbiankendall | 6. orla gartland | 7. trista mateer | 8. ilya repin | 9. iain thomas | 10. thoroughbreds, cory finley | 11. yrsa daley-ward |
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1. sometimes you get so close to someone you end up on the other side of them
2. [in red highlight] everything i’ve ever let go of has claw marks on it.
3. [white text on a background of a field] A FRIEND HAS TO BE OUTSIDE MY REACH, BEYOND MY GRASP. AND THERE CAN BE NO FRIENDSHIP WITH SOMEONE WHOM I AM NOT READY TO BETRAY: A FRIEND IS SOMEONE I CAN BETRAY WITH LOVE.
4. Long before Caesar and Brutus were lessons, they were friends. // They played with stick swords in their kingdom of trees // and dressed up in crowns of flowers // and painted mud on each other's faces. // The pair was often found walking down dirt roads, // Caesar stomping proud and tall, // and Brutus- step by step- placing his feet into the footprints left behind. // Caesar grew into a strong Roman man. // Brutus grew into Caesar's shoes. // They walked to a wishing well and they threw in their weapons // and Caesar whispered a prophecy: // "We live and die together." // The day before the slaughter, Brutus took pause. // He turned to Caesar and thought // "I'll love you twice as hard today to make up // for tomorrow," // and they stayed up and played cards on the kitchen floor. // It wasn't until the next morning that Brutus realized how cold the tile was. // Life and death are not mutually exclusive. // When Caesar died, so did Brutus, in the sense that he never really lived again. // In the present, when someone mentions one of them, // they seldom exclude mention of the other.
5. a scene from succession. the characters kendall and stewy are in a dimly lit alley, one walks away from the other while saying “you’re my third oldest friend. you fucked me like a tied goat. we’re great.”
6. I'm not happy if you're not happy // And swear that you're always sad // You're pathetic, I resent it // When you're down, it hurts so bad
7. I've gotten so good about not flinching at the sound of your name that people don't know I'd still throw myself mouth-open into the ocean for the chance to drown somewhere you might see it.
8. the painting ‘Ivan the Terrible and His Son Ivana’. it depicts a man holding another man who is bleeding profusely from his head.
9. there are a million ways to bleed, but you are by far my favorite.
10. scene from the movie thoroughbreds. a character lays crying wrapped around her friend, she is covered in blood, her friend is unconscious.
11. [in pink highlight] and be wary of friends, yeah? they are the ones who kill you, in the end.
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elizabeeeeeth · 8 months
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adventuringblind · 9 months
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Toxic Reappearance
Charles Leclerc x Reader
Genre: Hurt/Comfort
Request: no this is pure self indulgence. However, they are open for Max, Charles, Lando, Oscar, Daniel, and I’ve now added George to the list.
Summary: an old friend reappears into your life, one that left you traumatized. Having thought you’d never see them again you didn’t ever say anything. When Charles figures out what’s been going on he may just be to late to save you from your past.
Warnings: toxic friendships, abusive behavior,
Notes: written in second person. I feel like abusive friendships aren’t talked about enough. It still hurts and still leaves you with trauma. I’m basing the reader’s feeling off my own from when I went through it. George is actually my stand-in for someone else involved.
Masterlist
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Charles always tried his to appear calm and collected. However, when you started acting different then what he’d used to, calm and reasonable went out the window.
You’d always struggled with friends. Mainly because the one you had was incredibly possessive. She managed to cut you off from a good chunk of the people you once were close with. Using guilt and lies to confuse everyone involved.
You knew her home life wasn’t the greatest and mentally she wasn’t in a good spot, so you tried to be her rock.
It started out great in grade school. The two of you were fast friends and could hardly ever be seen without the other in two. Then it started to become a toxic loop. One you couldn’t get out of due to the guilt every time you tried to set boundaries.
You were so young. You wanted to help. Not that her home life is an excuse for what she did, but it puts it into perspective. Helps you understand why she did what she did.
Playful punches when she was annoyed with you. Blaming not knowing her own strength on why it was so hard. Never being allowed to have your own interests. Always overshadowed by what she was feeling.
You shrunk into yourself. Not able to talk to anyone because you believed her. You thought she left bruises on accident, your boyfriends kissed her first, she really just wanted those revealing pictures of you to bless you with compliments only to turn around and compare your bodies.
In your sophomore year of high school she had to move. Her mom had received a job farther away. You were able to cut contact after that. The weight slowly lifting off your shoulders. The bruises that once littered your skin now clearing without fear of them coming back later.
You’d talked about it, understood that what happened was not okay in the slightest. Your family was floored when you opened up about it to them a couple years later. Then you decided it was in the past, determined ti put everything behind you and move on.
Unfortunately the past has a way of catching up with you.
It was around this time that Charles sped into your life. Quite literally.
You’d been walking through the town. Busy with people in town for the grand-prix weekend. You’d wanted to go but it was more expensive then you could afford. Settling for enjoying it from afar.
You were not at fault for what happened next, having looked both ways before crossing the street. Only to be met with a nice looking car whipping around the corner. It was so fast your only reaction was to protect your head and brace for impact. Surprise flooding your system when nothing happened.
You slowly looked up. Thanking your guardian angel for saving you from what could have been disastrous.
The man in the driver seat frantically got out of the car. Rushing over to you to make sure you were okay. His frantic apoligizing almost went unheard as you began laughing.
You blamed the adrenaline. "I can't believe I almost got hit by a really nice care and now a good looking man is trying to make sure I'm ok."
The man had no words to respond with. Finding himself oddly flattered. The woman he could've killed is completing him? It feels like a corny romance movie.
He offered you a ride to your destination, which you accepted. Joking about how he could be a serial killer.
He assured you he wasn't. Explaining how he was racing this weekend. Killing someone was definitely not on the agenda.
You two exchanged numbers that day. Getting to meet up with him a few times before he left. Then having to resign to text and video call.
You two became good friends. The first truly good friendship you'd had in a while. You were grateful for Charles and his never-ending patience. And he was grateful you were there to listen in good times and in bad.
You were ecstatic when he invited you to a race Monaco. He got to show you around his world and his home. Your eyes lighting up at every little piece of himself he shared with you.
It was then that he asked you out on an official date. Letting the feelings that he'd developed for you spill out.
Obviously you'd reciprocated.
Now, you two have been in a relationship for two years. Learning and growing with each other. First over long distance before Charles had enough and asked you to travel with him.
You were thankful that remote studies had become increasingly popular since quarantine. Giving you the opportunity to follow Charles all around the world.
It was exciting for both of you. Sharing experiences together brought you closer together.
You'd also become friends with others around the paddock. You got along with most everyone. George has become a good friend through your travels.
So it only made sense when he was excited to introduce you to his girlfriend.
You and Charles were walking to the Ferrari garage when he came running up to you.
"Charles! Y/N! I want you to meet someone!" He shouts to you. Joy clearly evident in his voice.
Charles immediately noticed your entire demeanor change when you turned around. The woman he didn't know embracing you in a tight hug. You looked like you wanted to throw up but tried to put a smile on for George.
"You two already know eachother?" Charles asked quizzically.
"We were best friends growing up! I'm surprised she hasn't talked about me." She was referring to you and you knew you should respond but the shock of seeing her wouldn't let you.
She looked different, but you'd still recognize her anywhere. She'd started modeling after high-school. Turns out she met George at a show and they hit it off.
The whole time they talked, you were silent. Trying to choke down the need to tell George to leave her before he gets stuck. But maybe she'd changed and has been able to heal some.
When you and Charles continued walking, he immediately was trying to figure you out. Asking questions you couldn't hear. Your breathing labored.
He got you into his driver's room as fast as possible. "You don't have to tell me everything right now, mon amour. But I do need to know if this is a security issue and if you're okay."
You shake your head and play with his fingers. "I don't think so. She just wasn't the greatest friend." You confessed, hoping it would be enough for now.
Charles pulls you into him. He's unsure what to do, having never been in this situation. Seeing you respond to someone like this makes him more nervous than he wants to admit.
Through the next few months, you opened up little by little. Though with the girl constantly with you, it was starting to send you backwards.
It felt like your body just reacted to her. Your conversations with anyone were distant. You started flinching away from sudden hand gestures.
Charles tried his best to keep you separated from her. It never worked, though. She always found you, and you are too nice to tell her to go away.
It's was even more concerning when he noticed George exhibiting similar behaviors.
The group had gone out to the bar to celebrate the end of the race weekend. George seemed closed off to everyone. Responding almost exclusively to his girlfriend. Her hand on his bicep made him flinch away.
You also were very quiet. She was sitting in between you and George, giving the benefit of control.
Charles was ready to kick her out. You'd finished telling a story only to immediately be shut down and made to feel inferior.
When the two of you arrived back at the hotel, you broke. Falling into Charles and letting the tears flow freely.
"I can't do it anymore." You wailed. Taking comfort in Charles embrace and his hand smoothing your hair.
"We'll figure this out mon amour. I won't let her hurt you."
Things only got worse from there.
She'd managed to get into your phone while you weren't paying attention. You curse yourself for using the same pincode since high school.
When you went to check it, you noticed things were missing and out of place.
You stared at her, pondering if you should say something. And letting the anger win, you did so.
"Did you go through my phone?" You kept your voice as if you were just curious. Hopefully, to deter her from getting angry.
It didn't happen that way. She was furious you'd evernask such a thing. Ranting about how she's been so loyal to you even after you started ignoring her when she moved.
She'd gripped your shoulder far too aggressively. Telling you she only wants to see you happy.
The missing contacts on your phone were frustrating. Even Charles' number was missing. All your pictures with friends had been deleted. Including those on your socials.
You curled farther into yourself after that.
Charles struggled to help you open up. Having to treat you like glass that might shatter.
You'd started wearing sleeves regularly. Barley letting him touch you in the simplest of ways. Changing in the bathroom when you once didn't care because he'd seen it all.
It hurt him seeing you like this, and he became determined to fix it once and for all.
On the other side, George had been exhibiting similar behaviors. It felt that nobody could get in contact with him. His girlfriend practically held his phone hostage.
The shirtless pics had suddenly stopped, and he'd started wearing sleeves daily. It made everyone concerned for his well-being.
His teammate needed answers. So Lewis made his way to find them.
Two men on a mission, practically the same one, run into each other.
"Lewis! How are things?" Charles tried to put a smile on his face.
"Could be better at the moment, I'm actually really concerned about George." Lewis' honesty never failed to throw Charles off.
"I'm worried about him as well. Y/N has also been worrying lately."
"Maybe we should talk somewhere more private."
The two ended up back in Charles' driver room. Knowing that the female in question would most likely be around the Mercedes garage.
"Maybe we should talk to George and explain our concerns?" Suggested Lewis. His boy sprawled out across the floor.
Charles shakes his head in response. "I've done that already with my girlfriend." He sighs in pained defeat. "She doesn't want to be around her, but for some reason, it always ends up happening. She barely lets me hug her now."
"I think George is too nice to tell her to get lost." Confesses the Brit. "I don't know what we can do then. Unless it becomes a security thing." He shrugs.
"Have we ever actually caught her being aggresive?"
It dawned on them both that they'd never caught her in the act.
And so the two males formed a plan.
It took three mire race weekends to catch her. She had you gripped by the shoulders and backed into the wall. Oddly enough it was George who had arrived on scene first. His race suit tied around his waist.
He’d made an attempt to reason with the irrationality angry woman in front of him. The situation only becoming more escalated.
It wasn’t long that the staff and drivers around the area were alerted by the commotion. Charles and Lewis caught each others eyes before the two were jogging to the center of the scene.
Charles stepped defensively in front of you. Lewis managing to putt George farther away. Now that three drivers are involved, it didn’t take long for security to step in.
“I think we need to talk about what happened.” Sighs Charles. Grateful that she’s gone but feeling that this won’t be the end of situation.
You find yourselves back in yours and Charles hotel room. Accompanied by Max and Lando who though you were going to the bar as usual. Charles explained why that would probably not be happening tonight, the two deciding they would help the mood by bringing alcohol with them to the room for a mini party of sorts.
George was constantly looking over his shoulder and you checked the room multiple times over to be sure everything is locked.
You immediately sank into Charles the moment you felt safe. George is pacing back and fourth mumbling to himself, attempting to get words out that seemed to be difficult to say.
“Do you think we can help with the anxiety?” Asks Lewis. He found his home on the couch. George pauses for a moment fumbling around with his words.
Lando and Max are completely clueless and find themselves seated at the table. Trying to be supportive but not knowing how.
“She’s crazy.” George finally manages. You shake your head in agreement, to exhausted for words. “I’ve tried breaking up with her multiple times but she keeps coming back.” He slumps against the wall. His body curling in on itself. “She knows where I live, she’s messaged me with multiple phone numbers, she somehow manages to get a key to my hotel rooms, she’s even broken into my car.” He’s crying now, all the boys shooting him and you looks of sympathy.
“She was the same way when we were younger. It seems to have escalated more now.” You drawl, eyes closed from feeling safe in Charles arms. He pulls you closer, his fingers playing with your hair. It was the first time he’d had you those close in months. Determined to embrace every second of the contact.
“No wonder you two look paranoid.” Lando places his head in his hands. Max shot him a look, saying that was probably a poor choice of words.
This time around, though, you knew things were going to be different. You had people around that could help.
After everyone left for the night, George having gone with Lando so he didn't have to stay in his room, Charles didn't let you go.
Things were going to get better for you. Finally getting the help you needed all these years. Almost an element of closure.
When you put on comfy clothes in front of him, he wasn't sure what to do. His eyes couldn't leave your body. It looked like you had been at war.
The tears slide down your cheeks as Charles places gentle kisses on each painful mark.
"My kisses are magic, I assure you."
You smile at him through the tears. Overwhelmed by all the emotions you'd gone through in one day.
"Good thing I have you around to make it better then."
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automnelog · 2 years
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people who do not know how to process their own emotions and the emotions of others, will interpret you expressing your emotions as “drama”
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poetrybyonur · 4 months
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Reverse projection is when a person tries to project their own good qualities onto another, usually someone who is abusive to them, because your pure heart wants to see that person as you yourself are. It’s the curse of the empath. For your own mental health, don’t ignore red flags no matter how much you love the person. It only prolongs the inevitable.
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haosoah · 8 months
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mothusingtheinternet · 2 months
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Alastor and Mimzy
The thing about what Alastor said to Mimzy is something I’ve been wanting to talk about for a while. They don’t see each other for seven years, but when Alastor notices her, he is DELIGHTED. His threatening grin instantly turns into a genuine smile. He’s properly happy. He even lets her hug him, despite canonically hating physical contact. Then when she’s out of earshot, Husk brings up how Mimzy clearly wants something from him and Alastor looks stretched, but still doesn’t fully get mad at Husk. That’s because he knows it’s true, but he wants Mimzy’s intentions to be good. He wants her to be a good friend to him. Then Mimzy admits that she’s only there because she wants Alastor to kill some sketchy people she’s in trouble with. And Alastor does. But when he has, she just isn’t leaving, suddenly it wasn’t about the loan sharks. Suddenly Alastor is her best friend again, and it’s all about them as a couple of besties. But Alastor gets it this time. He realises she just used him for his power. He tells her to leave, once again looking pained by this decision. Mimzy then refuses, playing it off as a joke. Finally, he tells her that she deliberately brought harm to the hotel and clearly has no plan to use it for its intended purpose. Upon hearing this, Mimzy is furious asking him: “fine. What are you good for then?” It is clear that Mimzy is manipulating him and I cannot tell you how much Alastor telling her to leave meant to me.
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moonastrogirl · 1 year
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Let's collectively leave astrology out of toxic patterns
Credit @moonastrogirl
Can we all please collectively leave astrology out of toxic patterns ? No, it’s not because that man you dated was a scorpio or a gemini venus that all scorpio or gemini venus are bad or have issues. It’s not either because your mom has her sun in her 5th house that she is narcissistic. No it’s not because you’re an Aries that you have anger issues. And if you do seek help, do some therapy, reflect ! Let’s leave toxic patterns and behaviours to what they are toxic patterns and not personality traits based on zodiac placements…
*synastry can be more accurate to understand the dynamic of a toxic relationship rather than just personal placements so someone could have been horrible to you because of how their chart has interacted with yours ! And be the perfect person for someone else and that is fine. Sometimes the energy doesn’t match. Sometimes it does. And sometimes that person is just toxic alone and need to seek therapy not because they have a certain placement or sign.*
Why am I saying this ?
(Update of my post thanks to the comment section I always appreciate your feedbacks thank you 🙏)
1) Because it can create stereotypes for some placements or zodiac signs and make people not take astrology seriously…
2) Based on the birth chart the energy of a placement can change drastically especially after looking at the aspects and the dominant planets.
3) Some people use astrology to justify their toxic traits or behaviours and it’s not okay at all. Placements create an energy and a dynamic and we all have the will power to overcome the obstacles of difficult placements and do better.
Credit @moonastrogirl
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TW: General vent, mentions (exposing) of a manipulative ex-friend. There is a screenshot/recording for almost everything except for the things that happened in person.
A grand relief is finally dumping your manipulative friend. Fuck you Kylee. You can’t control yourself around systems from what you told me, you ignore my concerns, you don’t respect my boundaries, you’re brushing me off, you can’t take accountability, and it stresses me out. And I can’t believe you have the audacity to say we ‘need a break’ in response to me expressing that I don’t like how I’m being treated. Blank was right. You’re manipulative.
You openly admitted to not knowing how to control yourself around systems. You romanticize our DID. You are rude to our alters for having boundaries. You insulted me and blocked me for telling you to stop guilt tripping me. You compared being a system to being a therian. You put down our feelings for yours. You guilt trip us. You tried to make us feel bad for leaving. And when it didn’t work you insulted us.
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Fuck you Kylee. You admit to not treating me well. You guilt trip me and constantly degrade yourself. You use “ugh but my mind is shitty!!!!!!” As a means of avoiding accountability. Idc that ur tryna find a therapist. Idc that ur tryna ‘swear less’. Don’t fucking insult me when you’re a self centered bitch.
I did so much for you. I lent you my cologne when you smelled like absolutely shit. I’m the reason you know your religion and I’m the reason you know your sexuality too. I did so fucking much for you. Now, every time you smell your ugly ass hyena hoodie, you’re gonna think of me. Because every single goddamn day I let you borrow my cologne so you didn’t smell like shit.
And if you see this Kylee, fuck you. There’s multiple people who feel the same way that I do. Our whole system collectively hates you. We never want to see your pathetic self again. You’re not sitting anywhere near me at lunch and if you try to talk to me I’ll smack the shit out of you. And if you continue to add characters based off our system into your book, I’ll fucking beat you because I told you not to.
And how fucking DARE you say to someone else: “See why Amaya thought I didn't know how to treat her is because I make jokes and tease my friends, but l actually make it sound like a joke and they know. But she doesn't know how joke.”
Besides your horrific grammar and ugly ass profile picture, the fuck you got going on?
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Not only was I not even at front, but you’re openly talking shit and LYING to my friend. First, it was that you didn’t gaf.
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Then it was you saying your mind is fucked up.
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Which is your excuse most the time. Then it was “you deserve better I’m such a horrible friend” and then straight up insulting me.
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And now it’s you just straight up insulting me and lying behind my back?
Proving me right and admitting to treating me horribly. Guilt tripping me with saying how you’ve already lost three friends and how this one was your fault. And then when I told you to stop guilt tripping me you decided to be a little hoe and then go whine to our mutual friend how it was all just a joke. That’s not what you said on call. You went from ‘I’m sorry but consider that-” to “I’m just joking you’re so sensitive blahahahah!!!”
If you wanna bring up my ABUSIVE EX BOYFRIEND too which you know how I feel about him, I’ll hit close to home too. At least I can take accountability. At least I don’t shower with clothes on. At least I don’t take my anger out on others. At least if my cat actually almost died I wouldn’t use it as an excuse to swear at my friends. At least I don’t write about my system friend when they told me not to. At least I didn’t fake a panic attack in order to avoid accountability.
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Yeah that panic attack you had when Ramona took front? That was pathetic. And you refuse to add PluralKit to your server? That was pathetic too. And your excuse to not add it knowing how it helps me sm is “noooo it takes too longgg this server is gonna be big one dayyyy wahhhh” is just as pathetic as you are.
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And guess what? I have my receipts. I have evidence of every single fucking thing you’ve done. And if I don’t have the evidence, someone else does. So keep our fucking name out of your mouth you plastic candy wrapper. I have a screen recording of our chats, screenshots, and screenshots of you shit talking me.
You can’t use your stupid fucking excuse that ‘I have shit in my brain’ if you’re for one, not doing anything to help yourself heal outside of saying ‘I’m looking for a therapist’. Because okay? And what are you doing until then? Bc from what you’re saying you aren’t getting a therapist in a long time. When someone vented to you about their self harm you said ‘join the club’. JOIN THE FUCKING CLUB?? WHAT IS YOUR FUCKING PROBLEM??
Two, you also can’t use the excuse that you have bad mental health if you romanticize others’ mental health issues. You deadass asked me all the fucking time ‘when is Chandler gonna be here?? I wanna meet all the alters!!! Can you switch for me????’ When you KNOW how trying to force a switch has been awful for us in the past. You’re a stupid hoe.
I'm gonna see you today. And when I do I’m gonna throw the ugly fucking bracelet you gave me right in your lunch tray. I’m keeping those skull earrings though, only because you used someone else’s money on them. Why don’t you go crawl back to my abusive ex and kiss up to him since you two love hurting me so much?
Considering you’re a therian, I would think that you would know how to treat others, considering most of our school hates therians, but I guess now. You’re just a manipulative piece of shit. All you do is play the victim and god forbid you do anything wrong because you’re so mentally ill.
Remember that time I called the police because you wanted to kill yourself? Guess what? I regret doing it. Even if you were going to kill yourself, which you weren’t considering you admitted to just playing Zelda the whole time, I should’ve ignored you. Then you wouldn’t be hurting me and others. You wouldn’t be texting me saying you’re gonna kill yourself after our friendgroup was rightfully upset with you.
In fact, I hope you move away sooner. I hope you hurry it the fuck up. I never want to see you again. I never want someone as pathetic and sad as you in my life because I don’t need you. I never needed you. My friends would literally pull me aside and beg me to drop you because they were aware of how badly you treat others before I was.
And before any of you claw at me with war paint on your faces and a pig head on a stick, I genuinely don’t care that I’m dropping names right now. Katelyn and Syrin have been my rocks and they deserve a shoutout. Preston is my abusive ex who, besides Kylee, the toxic and manipulative bitch mentioning him, has no place in this.
I wish I could provide yall with the screenshots of Kylee refusing to add PluralKit to her server and then once again swearing at me, but I am not in that server anymore. I also wish I could provide screenshots or a recording of Kylee comparing systems to therians, but that was on a call and I didn’t even think to record the call, because I trusted Kylee. I do, however, have proof of being on the call.
In fact, maybe I should go to the adults and tell them about that song you’re making about Jonah. If you’re making a diss track about a student, I’m sure the school would love to hear about that. Especially if it’s a bad one.
And guess what? When I told my friends I had finally dropped you, and I said “I’m not friends with Kylee anymore” they were more concerned about whether I had misspelled Kyle than if I had actually dropped you. Misspelled like how you misspelled sorry every time you “apologized to me”. Seriously, get better grammar, please.
I think this is it, but if there’s more I’ll reblog this with an update! And one last time..
Fuck you Kylee.
(I’m giving her bracelet back today and will see her at school. I’ll update yall if you’re interested).
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femmefatalevibe · 8 months
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how do i handle/let go of a toxic friend?
i’m asking around for advice. i’ve never purposely shut anyone out of my life before, and i am afraid to.
Hi love! The best thing I've found to do in this situation is the following:
Don't reach out. Out of sight, out of mind.
If they ask to hang out, let them know you're busy.
When they start to notice and get confrontational, you need to decide whether you think an acquaintance-level friend or not is salvageable.
If you believe so, you can let them know that certain things they did felt like a boundary violation and you're taking space (this route assumes they're a healthy person, and you are just incompatible friends).
If they're actually a toxic friend, let them know that you're busy attending to other things (work, school, family, health/self-related things – nothing too specific). Make it a clear "it's a me thing" type of distancing.
Over time, the friendship will fade out. If they persist, let them know that their anger is not welcomed and you're now very uncomfortable, so you think it's best to part ways – wish them well. Block them if necessary, especially if things escalate to this stage.
Hope this helps xx
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dark-romantics · 2 years
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I often see people talk about red flags in relationships but no one really talks about the red flags in friendships. Let’s put an end to that shit too.
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elizabeeeeeth · 9 months
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It’s so nice when toxic people stop talking to you. It’s like the trash took itself out.
-Unknown
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anya-anya002 · 4 months
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𝑶𝒖𝒕 𝒐𝒇 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒃𝒍𝒖𝒆 (iv) *preview*
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ᴘᴀꜱᴛ ᴛᴇᴀᴄʜᴇʀ! ᴀʟᴇx ᴛᴜʀɴᴇʀ x ᴘᴀꜱᴛ ꜱᴛᴜᴅᴇɴᴛ! ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ
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𝑺𝒖𝒎𝒎𝒂𝒓𝒚: ….the end of a friend
𝑰𝒏𝒄𝒍𝒖𝒅𝒆𝒔: Taking place 5 months after part 1 & 2, descriptions of negative self image, self blame/ depreciation, mentions of non-consensual filming, hurt/comfort, shaving one’s head
(If this isn’t your cup of tea, feel free to click out 🫶🏿-)
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You were trapped, your skin felt like a second layer as your chest heaved, the air tasted metallic and each gulp you took made you think you were dying. You wish you died, it would be less nerve-wracking, it’d be a simple right and wrong. And right now everyone around you felt wrong.
You were shaking, the air not even cold due to it being August. You looked around. Sophie and Layla were dead-set on being up each other’s asses while Kameron had long gone home.
“I’m not wearin’ enough,” you croaked. Your eyes burned trying to keep your sights on everything and everyone. Both pairs of eyes met yours, only for you to rip your gaze from them.
“You look hot, Y/N/N,“ Layla blurted.
“Yea, you’re fine,” Sophie chimed in, the first thing she said to you since you all left the beach.
You pressed your lips together tight, your heart felt like it was rotting whenever you snuck a glance at Sophie. Her skin was smooth, still dripping with lake water as she strutted around the chaotic streets of downtown. Adorned in nothing but her bikini top and a jean miniskirt, prancing, she passes a hand through long, frizzy, jet-black curls. All of the eyes intensified. Men’s eyes peer at you three. You were imploding inside.
Like paintings in a haunted house, they followed your every move. Sending jolts up your legs as you stumble behind.
“I'm literally wearing nothing under this,” Sophie said to Layla, yet the whole city heard. A throuple of babes wandering the big, uncaring city as your heart quickened. Your stomach stirred as your eyes spun around the socket like a clock, scanning around to see every man within earshot, currently leering.
“I want some clothes,” you muttered, your vision now refused to look around. Sophie and Layla are now further from you, two little blobs above one solid line, passing a cart back and forth between each other. Your mind slowly clocking out.
After ‘escorting’ the two to their train station, you couldn't think straight; your mind could only see eyes and the stares that come with it. Just standing there outside the ‘Emerson’ train.
Adorned in your shorts, swim top, and a thin flannel still dusted with sand, you sniffled. You weren't lost, hell in the city, you could never be lost. Yet, there you stood, in the heart of downtown, lost. All the colour drained from you as people passed by. Some stare, some could give less of a damn. ‘Naked and afraid’ was a perfect phrase to illustrate as you heard the familiar clacking and chugging of their train moving.
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𝒕𝒂𝒈𝒈𝒆𝒅: @yourstartreatment @himesuedi
*𝒊𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖’𝒅 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒃𝒆 𝒕𝒂𝒈𝒈𝒆𝒅 𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒎𝒆𝒔𝒔𝒂𝒈𝒆 𝒎𝒆 ‘𝒕𝒂𝒈𝒈𝒆𝒅’*
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wlwdaydreamms · 1 year
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how am i supposed to let go of you when memories hold me back? how am i supposed to forget you when you made me want to keep living?
but how can i stay in this relationship when its killing both of us?
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KAZAMA REN X READER
[Part -I]
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Sunlight peered through the glass windows, the smell of delicious food lingered in the air. It was lunch time and all the students were busy chattering, joking, eating and goofing around. Except you , who was rather focused on the tiny piece of paper in front of you with pen twirling between your fingers.
Mathematics, geometry.
You had nearly spent fifteen minutes trying to figure out the same problem. It wasn't some simple maths question, it was the chocolate problem of the week, the toughest question on the practice sheet. Whoever solved it or even figured out the initial steps were considered to be a genius in the classroom. And after getting inspired by a few classmates, you were trying your best to figure it out. Not for the chocolate's sake, but because of Akadou University. Although you were still in middle school, your father's friend's son had been successfully admitted to a prestigious university. It was a proud moment for their family. And the happiness it brought on their faces was euphoric with the feeling of pride swirling in the air. You wanted to be there too, someday, in the same position watching the gleeful faces of your loved ones. Being the reason for their smile. 
“Yes! ” you exclaimed out loud in excitement when all of a sudden something clicked in your mind. You opened the cap of your pen and started writing the solution on the white paper. Before you could reach the end, someone snatched away the parchment beneath your hand making you raise your e/c coloured eyes, only to meet the magenta coloured eyes of a green haired boy.
Kazama Ren, the school basketball player and bully. You inhaled sharply as he gave it a look of malice before crumbling the paper in front of you, making your fingers curl in temper. You rose from your seat, making the chair under you squeak  and giving him a hard glare which he returned with an equally vicious smirk plastered on his face making your blood boil with rage. 
“Don't you dare to act all Einstein. You clearly aren't worth such things”he mocked tilting his head. 
“That's right, I'm worth more”you growled squinting at him , a look furrowing your eyebrows.“Now give it back,”you demanded in a stern voice. 
“Fine” he said, changing his expressions , surprisingly making your face cool down. He unfurled the paper and offered it to you giving a genuine smile. You raised your hand forward in order to take it only for him to back away, making you stop dead at your position. You were too naive to know his intentions. He held the paper right in front of your face, before bringing another hand up. 
Krrrrr
He turned the paper, placing the torn ones one upon another. 
Krrrrr
He turned the paper one upon another again. 
Krrrr
By now the whole class was looking at the farce happening in front of them. 
He continued looking at you smirking as he tore the paper slowly bit by bit and threw them on you making them fly in the air, a few pieces landing on your h/c coloured hair. The class watched as the green haired mocked you , not even a single person willing to stand up for you. You stood there dumbfold staring at him, as you felt your chest heavy with the insult you received.
“Happy now?” He mocked before laughing with his goons who latched around him like a leech because of his influencing attitude and money. 
“A geek should know their place, you know where it is?”
You deadpanned at him not speaking a word. 
“Its the trash bin” 
You averted your eyes to the ground trying to hold back tears pricking your eyes as he spat those words like poison darts.
Contented with his victory, he snickered, bumping your shoulder and walking away. You bit back your cry, lowering down on the ground staring at the ink written on the bits of paper that now layed on the ground. You clenched your fist as you cursed yourself to be so vulnerable to a bullies words when it didn't matter at all. You knew it was just a little push for you to break out from your shell ....so that you could improve but it was just so brutal .You stood up after pulling your strands of emotions together, lighting up something else inside instead of rage. The thirst to prove yourself. 
“We'll see what we're worth in the end ” you muttered before sitting back on your seat as the bell rang. 
The sound of ball and shoes squeaking against the floor echoed through the gymnasium as the crowd watched the players cheering, chattering and squealing at their every basket. It was the final  basketball match of middle school , so there was a lot of enthusiasm and excitement filled within the players as well as the  student crowd.
The match had been tougher than usual which was obviously because it was the final match. But Kazama was already on cloud number nine with the attention and appreciation he was receiving from the cheer leaders and students.
He was a bit more confident than usual , as he played his chest filled to the brim with pride and ego. There was no doubt he was the best player in the field , he knew he was the centre of attention for his looks,money and popularity. And that just added more into his ego,the more he thought about it. He was so engrossed within himself he was almost sure he would be the one to win. No scratch that. He was going to win, he was the elite , the ace of his team. There was no doubt someone would surpass him. He was so indulged within his narcissistic thoughts he ignored the pleas of his fellow teammates to play carefully. 
The referee whistled as making everyone come to halt, signalling everyone it was the last few minutes of the match. There was a lot of tension among the teammates and surrounding. Even the crowd kept on biting their lips anxiously, unable to guess who would win. 
Kazama looked at the scoreboard only to find both the teams had tied. The trophy would belong to the one who baskets the ball. He smirked , this trophy was definitely going to him. He could do it with the back of his hand. It felt like a piece of cake to him! 
Underestimating his opponents, he grabbed the ball to himself the second the shrill sound of whistle entered his ears. Dribbling and saving the ball from the opponents, he made his way through. He could almost see it, the basket and the ball, only a few feet away. Few feet away from the final victory.
He was so lost in his lust of victory he could almost imagine himself holding the golden shiny trophy gleaming in his hands, the students cheering his name . He made his way through lightning fast and jumped, throwing the ball with his pale lean hand and before he knew it , the ball landed in the basket, circling around the ring and finally falling through the net. 
“Yeah!!!! ” he screamed his throat out giddy excitedly, finally taking a breath of relief . 
He was the winner. No one else. Nobody else was as best as him. He was the king of basketball. 
His victorious smile dimmed down when he noticed instead squealing and cheering of the crowd, all he heard was dead silence. No one was screaming his name, not even a single person. All just stared at him dumbstruck as if he did something gravely wrong.His eyes darted around as he scanned the faces of his teammates who wore a disgusted expression and shot him grimace looks.
He furrowed his eyes in confusion, not understanding what he did wrong. They won didn't they? He scored the point, then why the gross looks? 
He snapped his head in the opposite direction to check on the other team, only to find the faces of his opponents smiling, smirking, giving lopsided grins. 
They lost, didn't they?  Then why are they smiling? 
Before he could process what was going on, the referee whistled and pointed out towards the opponent team as the winners of the match and half the crowd started squealing over the victory while half the crowd started booing. 
Suddenly reality hit him. His smile disappeared and his heart bursted out in guilt. 
He scored on the wrong side of the court. The wrong side of the fucking court. Overconfidence and pride had dumped him down in the drains. 
How could he make such a silly mistake? 
Guilt tripped, he looked over his teammates for support, for consolation but all he received was grunts and grimances. They were surely cursing him under their breaths. He tried to take a step forward towards them but his heart ached when he realised they were leaving the court without waiting for him. Without waiting for their ace who had been alongside him in all their long journey. 
​​​​He should've listened to them. If he weren't blinded by his ego and narcissism none of this farce would have occurred. He was too drowned within his own ego to even realise his wrong doings. 
He scanned the vast gymnasium where people booed him, cursed him. This chest started feeling heavy as cold sweats covered the back of his neck. He had official made a fool of himself in front of every student, in front of his teachers and fans, in front of the whole fucking school. And now even his teammates were shooing him away. 
He pressed his lips together trying to control his feelings of embarrassment, regret and guilt at the same time.
Obviously he was the one and only to blame and there was no doubt it was his fault. He signed, averting his head down. 
For the first time in years he was accepting his mistake. 
And it was hard. 
He numbed away his feelings during the trophy announcement, clapping away pretending to be happy for the other team who had won because of him. Because of his ridiculous mistake. They would probably make fun of him after everything is done and he wouldn't be left to show his face to anyone. 
After shaking hands with the opposite team, he silently made his way to the locker room to change as the crowd started leaving the gymnasium. 
Right before opening the door, he hesitated. He didn't want to go there . He just wasn't ready to face them yet. They were probably waiting to scold him in there and he thought it was best to let them cool down. He decided to ditch the plan and wander around instead, to keep away from people's judgemental eyes. 
“You suck Kazama! ” a voice yelled at him. He turned only to meet eyes with his teammates who were fuming with rage, crossing their hands in disapproval and disappointment. 
“Why the heck did you have to act so extra smart you fucking piece of shit?!”
“We lost because of you! We lost because of your fucking mistakes! ”
“You dumbass bitch why didn't you listen to us? ”
His teammates removed all their frustration, scolding him right on the spot. No matter how many times he apologised, no matter how many times he said sorry, nobody listened to him. Nobody. He doubted if they even considered him as a friend after noticing their behaviour towards him. They treated him like a prick, a dumb asshole. He knew he deserved it but what hurt him more was when they said “You don't deserve to be in the team if you think you could win all by yourself. Yes, we are kicking you out and don't come crying because we fucking won't accept you back for your shitty behavior.”
​​​​​​With that, they just left. There was no sympathy or mercy in their tone. They all blamed him , gave him the burden of all their mistakes, broke away their friendships for a silly game. For a fucking game. 
​​​​​Disappointed, he ran out of the gymnasium holding back his emotions. There was nobody to support him. Who would? He had been a bully all his life in middle school, it was obvious everyone disliked him, hated him, including his friends. He had no one to go for comfort or consolation, nobody to correct him and make him realise his mistakes. And that just broke him even more, so he ran. He ran until the gymnasium was out of view, until he was exhausted 
He finally stopped to hold his breath after he was sufficiently away from the building, panting heavily resting his palms on his knees. He sat on the nearby bench as his eyes finally opened about himself and about others. 
He curled his fingers in anger and hurt recalling his friends. 
How could he call those bastards as friends when they just left him in the moment of need? How could they hang out with him only for the sake of popularity and money? 
He was busy blaming himself for being so naive and selfish, trying to cope up with the insult and hate he received when a shadow fell over him, blocking the bright rays of the sun. He looked up to see a silhouette of a girl standing beside him. He couldn't exactly figure out who it was until his eyes adjusted to the light. 
It was a h/c haired, e/c eyed girl standing in front of him. Recalling from his memories,he had bullied you a few months back and he definitely knew you were there to rub salt in his wounds. A perfect timing to take your sweet revenge. He ignored you and just stared at the blank space. 
“Just say whatever you want to say and leave, even bicker if you want but just leave me alone,” he spat, not making eye contact.
It wasn't that you had followed him there. In fact, it was a coincidence! You didn't guess he would be inside the park after the felicitation ceremony, especially after what had happened today. You definitely sensed hurt in his voice as his face showed expressions of internally breaking apart. He was having a hard time, he was in a rough spot. Despite him being your bully, you wanted to help him. 
Without a thought you sat down next to him “That's not the reason I'm here for” you replied suavely. 
“Then why are you here?” he ranted , still refusing to make eye contact. 
“I saw the match and... ” you trailed off. “I also saw what your friends did.”
“So are you here to add more to my pain? Do the same thing my friends did?” his lips quivered as he still tried to hold back his intimidating composure. 
“I already said I'm not here to do any of that” you said soothingly “And what you called friends, I don't even think you should consider them that..., ”
“What do you mean?”he questioned, curious to know what you wanted to say. 
“I mean how could you be so blind? After noticing their persona in my perspective, they were only taking advantage of you... ”
An awkward silence bloomed between you two as you stared at the blank road.
“Sorry I shouldn't have said that–”
“Actually , you're right”he cutted you off. 
He knew it! He fucking knew it all along! But he didn't confront them about it, thinking he would be left friendless and without support... Thinking he would turn into a loser. Thinking it would add a strain to his image.
But right now, when he thought about it... What tree did the seed bore? At the end he still became the joker he thought he'd become, didn't he?
Accepting the reality seemed hard to him and your words overwhelmed him even more. 
He finally looked at you, tears welling in his eyes.“They never considered me as their friends, they only fucking used me for my money, for my fame” he confessed.
His chest moved up and down as he finally broke down and before you knew it he latched himself on your shoulders in a hug and started wailing. 
“Those fucking... Bastards... They were only using... Me... They never cared about me...” he sniffed “Everyone hates... Me... I'm stupid idiot... Who believed they were my friends... I lost the match... I was so lost in my pride and ego.... ” Being a sensitive soul yourself, you consoled him by patting on his back, something which your grandma used to do while you cried during childhood. It was odd for you to do such a thing , especially after he had bullied you before , but you patiently listened to him.  People tend to make mistakes and maybe if you help him, maybe if you're there for him when he needs it the most , he'll become a better person. You were sure sooner or later he'll give up on his antiques and do the right thing. He was already redeeming his actions anyway. 
“It's okay” you soothingly said flashing back to the memories of your grandma and her sayings“Just let it all out, it will be alright. Everything happens for a reason you know....We lose people so that sooner or later we realise we need to depend on ourselves...Good things fall apart so better things can come together and whatever happens we can always learn from it” 
He broke away from you sniffing, wiping away his tears as his face came pink. “But it hurts.... A lot” he sobbed, taking large breaths. 
“It sure does” you gave him a soft smile offering him your handkerchief “But eventually things will turn out better” 
Somehow those words got through him as he accepted your handkerchief and he finally calmed down wiping away his tears. You placed your palm on his back , comforting him as if like a child and it did turn out fruitful. After spending a good time with him to ensure he doesn't cry again, finally you decided to leave. You stood up from the bench, preparing to depart . It was time for you to go home. 
Kazama didn't seem fazed about you leaving at first, giving you hints that he was okay now. So, being self satisfied with your given time, you started walking away. 
“Thank you” The words fell over your ears making you halt on your spot. You turned your head in his direction somehow baffled by his changed behaviour. He never thanked anyone as far as you knew. 
“What?”
“Thank you... For being there for me.” he mumbled, grinning sheepishly scratching the back of his neck. His face was a mess but he looked quite adorable  now that he was emotionally stable  however you couldn't overlook the fact his behaviour was quite ....strange.
“You're welcome.” you returned the smile showing your satisfaction with his behaviour. However, awkwardness did not waver a bit. Not knowing what to respond any further ,you continued walking your way when once again his words made you stop. 
“Would you like to hang out for lunch tomorrow?” he called out from a distance , his words sounding genuine and wishful. 
You turned your head only to find him staring straight at you, frantically waiting for your answer. His expressions seemed stern and desperate. 
You chuckled before answering him back with a wide grin “Sure.”
_________
Yes and yes I'm going to continue this later but do let me know if you want a part 2 posted here ! 👀 but I'm curious regarding how you feel about the backstory. Let me know in the comments, if you wish,feel free to ask about the questions of the character . Last but not the least don't forget to like and share ;) 
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mjbythebay · 1 year
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Therapist Friend things
• wanting to be there for everyone
• checking on your friends constantly
• not telling your "friends" stuff about you cause they have their own shit to deal with and you don't want to be a burden
• worrying constantly they wont confide in you anymore- getting validation from them talk you
• the friendship being mildly toxic - always focused on the other person
• no words of thanks, just kinda expected to be there.
• having your own problems you don't tell anyone about
• them only initiating text to spil crap
• And maybe, just maybe falling the Frick in live with them cause your a stupid bisexual
Feel free to add your own - the list goes on
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