#i'm still working on improving that patience... and also trying to put in the work to understand these things.
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I'm back! Thank you kindly for your patience, we're done with Act III! It was probably a terrible idea to wait because this is so long, I'm so sorry.
previously, in harrowhark! a vagrant the ninth:
this happened
also a couple previews that will show up in this but are in the tag
currently, chapters 24-31 (END OF ACT III!!!):
harrow wakes up after sleeping a sensible amount of hours in yandere twin's room
yandere twin, who's into chomping cavaliers, complains about having had some harrow soup
they have a sort of tender moment, I guess
they have a complicated dynamic
harrow falls asleep again
she's in the bed and yandere twin is sleeping on the floor
and harrow is woken by the sound of self inflicted pain and torture
harrow gets tired of this and decides to just rip yandere twin's arm off
@lady-harrowhark reminded me that I called this (!!!) in this recap
I had absolutely 100000% forgot I said that but congrats past me!!!
so, there's this scene in which harrow rips yandere twin's arm off and puts a new bone-y one in there, remade with her own parts
like this
some people have told me in the replies that it's a sessual sort of scene, and I get that, I suppose it was the vibe it was going for
total respect to that
but I'm gonna be honest here
it felt like I was witnessing a birth and harrow was the midwife
so harrow lets yandere twin know that she's been improving her necro powers via studying and practicing to try to make up for her being "lyctor lite"
harrow and alleged gideon aka ortus are the only people here that seem to be getting any work done tbh
so now, with the new arm, inner chad can use the sword again
and yandere twin is happy because she's now a proper lyctor and has senior chad aka augustine's approval
harrow is proud of herself for doing nice necro things like chopping and reconstructing arms
as a thanks, yandere twin agrees to help harrow to kill alleged gideon the first aka ortus
nobody asked you, but ok
I actually have no qualms with alleged gideon aka ortus
because he's at least direct and honest about it
everyone here has an agenda, at least this guy's like directly trying to physically kill harrow
at this point, I respect the direct approach
augustine and emperor reverend professor john can go fu—
WELL, ACTUALLY, WE'LL GET THERE LATER
CHAPTER 28
we're back at gideon-less canaan house
canaan house isn't safe in any universe, all the trails lead to death
everyone who's alive or accounted for is having a sleepover
there's a bunch of people unaccounted for, actually
the kiddos from the fourth are allegedly hidden elsewhere
who knows, at this point
I don't trust anyone
there's a fog and rain and water rising still
which reminds me of the movie identity, in which they all were trapped in that motel because it wasn't actually a motel and they weren't actually alive per-se
magnus and abby say that protozoa should have decked mayonnaise uncle
which is one of the reasons why the gideon universe is superior
aside from the presence of gideon and camilla
I miss them so much I'm gonna start biting cavaliers
anyway, where in the hell is duracell bunny nephew???
he wasn't with mayonnaise uncle when he yeeted himself
his soul, which got detached from his body in the gideon universe, is still flying like a balloon across universes and dimensions, I guess
abby didn't expect regina george twin to die, apparently, and says "if she's gone, then perhaps that means..." but doesn't elaborate
nobody ever elaborates
abby also makes harrowbean read another one of the "harrow texts"
I can't keep adding them all together in recaps because this will end up being super long but here goes the new one
"I will remember the first time you kissed me —you apologized— you said, I am sorry, destroy me as I am, but I want to kiss you before I am killed, and I said to you why, and you said, because I have only once met someone so utterly willing to burn for what they believed in, and I loved him on sight, and the first time I died I asked of him what I now ask of you. I kissed you and later I would kiss him too before I understood what you were, and all three of us lived to regret it—but when I am in heaven I will remember your mouth, and when you roast down in hell I think you will remember mine"
so yeah, we've got a triangular situation, I suppose
I need to put all of them together to continue to draw connections
my though was that this could be ice cube barbie aka annabel lee, because of the long-lost sun, but I'm unsure still
I don't think the timing fits the other side of the 3d model that's the gideon's mom and rebel leader situation
inconclusive still
abby suggests harrowbean she might be haunted
which might also fit with ice cube barbie??? maybe??? idk
CHAPTER 29
harrow says she doesn't remember shit about chad
get perpetually owned, chad
mercygirl asks harrow things about her necro process for the arm reconstructing and the last thing she asks is "what is the name of the saint of duty?" to which harrow says "ortus the first" and mercygirl goes
me and my "alleged gideon" theory are very happy about this
the hill I will die on
mercygirl continues to use onomatopoeias to express herself
I do not want to think about what that would imply in a later situation I don't want to dig into
"you read unholy omens in the way people say good morning" that's what these recaps are, thank you very much harrow
that's our tagline over here, that's our brand
"how you loathed any sentence beginning with augustine says" SAME, BESTIE
I HATE THAT MAN
he can go fu— ANYWAY
harrow and yandere twin are having sleepovers so that harrow isn't murdered in her sleep
apparently the nudes are cyrus and his cavalier and yandere twin likes that energy
they gifted them to others as souvenirs too
it's like if you had a university classmate who sent nudes to the groupchat every birthday
yandere twin says augustine the asshole has agreed to help kill alleged gideon aka ortus the first
I don't trust any of these lyctors if they're willing to kill each other this easily
how do I know they've got my back in combat if they don't have each other's backs—
I CAN'T EVEN ARTICULATE MY THOUGHTS AND NOT SOUND TERRIBLE NOW THAT I KNOW WHAT HAPPENS LATER IN THE PARTY
ANYWAY
yandere twin reminisces about not having been apart from regina george twin much in their lives and hoping she's sleeping well wherever she is
I also don't know where she is
yandere twin tells harrow that she was more farsighted than her
which I'm sure she was, but she doesn't seem to remember shit about it, and the letters remain unopened
harrow thinks it's kinda gross that the cyrus lyctor murdered his cavalier to become a lyctor and then took all of their nudes to the emperor's bolthole
none of these lyctors are operating from a place of common sense, harrow
"you were lucky that the memory of your own cavalier did not hurt you—except sometimes in the form of a sick headache in your temples, or in words stuck on repeat in your head"
so, augustine's plan involves dinner
harrow, hearing that, is like this
they look for clothes in the cavalier's things
yandere twin says "valancy trinit was my height, weighed more than both of us put together, and —judging by her portraits— had a body that did not quit"
I sure hope she's a thick girl, because I've had enough disappointment with the gideon cover not letting her have the arms she deserves
I hope valancy trinit looks kinda like this
ANYWAY, here's the makeover vibes, as previously shared
apparently chad could embroider, which I have to admit is a good quality
hate giving him any props, but I must be fair
harrow painted the less cute skull in her repertoire and we respect that
they went to augustine's room and he's still an asshat
I don't like how he treats yandere twin tbh
I feel like yandere twin has a thing with validation because of how her life has been and he uses that
augustine justifies his betrayal to his fellow lyctor saying that he "caused more pain over these last scant forty years than I dare to admit"
mercygirl is also here for the party, all dressed up
SO HERE'S THE THING
I am so embarrassed I didn't pick it up on the fly and it took me the whole chapter to put it together
augustine tells her "dios apate, minor"
at the time, I didn't remember what it meant, and when I finished reading the thing, I was like "oh, it's exactly like the deception of zeus"
I forgot that's what it was called
I mean, I got the "dios" part, obviously, but forgot the "apate"
my ancient greek professor is going to come back into my life to shoot me at my doorstep
to be fair to myself, it was a long while ago that I took ancient greek
AT LEAST I PICKED THE REFERENCE UP AFTER, OK????
god, I'm so embarrassed
palmolive, I'm so sorry, I promise I figured it out eventually
mercygirl punches augustine in the face, which is great
he insists on it being "minor", which idk where the line is there and I'm not gonna ask
idk which things are or aren't...involved in a minor form of zeus's deception
mercygirl says she's not wearing the right dress, I don't think it matters, it worked just fine
CHAPTER 30
everyone gets drunk except for alleged gideon aka ortus and harrow, because they're the only people in this group project who are doing the work
augustine and mercygirl start fighting about something their cavaliers did back in the day
they start toasting for cavaliers and talking about how "hot pyrrha was"
there is no respect for the dead in the emperor's bolthole
there's about to be something else in the emperor's bolthole in a minute though
I was excited about them drinking, though, because that's when people start spilling some truths
the lost commander of BOE is a "she", her name is/was Commander Wake, she almost killed alleged gideon aka ortus
I'm still spinning with the gideon's mom theory
and the background telenovela I've got going on
BOE found a Herald, killed it and turned it into weapons against these clowns
good for them, tbh, kill these drunk irresponsible bastards
emperor reverend professor doctor john thinks it's narcissistic of him to toast to himself
I want to murder him in cold blood
I hate this man so viscerally I want to rip him apart with my hands
the twist in this book is that I'm gonna reach to his murder and it's gonna be me
it's like bastian reading the neverending story but it's me killing this man
his full name is john gaius but I had been spoiled of his name by people not tagging their posts
he also does a "your mama" joke because he's my villain origin story
"part of your brain temporarily calcified into atheism" I'M GLAD, HARROW
so, they start to make out, all three of them
I finally caught up about zeus's deception and all about here
emperor awful is sandwiched between mercygirl on a table and augustine behind him and they forget there are children in the room
well, not children, but same difference, they're a million years old
harrow and yandere twin get the hell out of that display
CHAPTER 31
yandere twin wants to kiss harrowbean before she leaves to kill alleged gideon aka ortus, but harrow doesn't let her
harrow says "my affections lie buried in the Locked Tomb" to which yandere twin responds "Somebody might even exhume them for you"
when harrow mentioned not wanting to be touched while sleeping beside yandere twin, I remembered the pool hug and all that, that was a nice time
people were being killed left and right but it was a nice time
ANYWAY
harrow has a whole plan and has it all figured out, it's a really good plan, it works very nicely, but alleged gideon aka ortus isn't where they told her he was
sometimes, life works that way
the man you plan to kill isn't in the training room and all
she goes to look for him in not!dulcinea's crypt or whatever
and she sees this
and the spear
she follows the children's hospital trail of blood to the incinerator
alleged gideon aka ortus is inside the fire thingy and not!dulcinea is operating the controls
I wonder who could have predicted that this woman could still be an issue even after death
me, it was me
anyway, no time for I-told-you-so's because harrowbean decides to help him out of there
I'm very happy because I need him alive
he knows things and he's less bad than everyone else around here
because he's upfront about the killing
he tells her some things while he's kind of out of it
like to use blood wards instead of bone ones
that it will make her safe from "us"
"I know you're there. Kill me all you like. I would know you in the blindness of my eyes" he says and, among other things "Just tell me—back then—why you brought along the ba—"
WAS HE GONNA SAY BABY???? WHAT IF HE WANTED TO SAY BABY???
I'm still on my gideon agenda, sorry if it's embarrassing to read
of course emperor dickhead stops him before he can finish it
alleged gideon aka ortus says he doesn't remember shit afterwards and harrow sees her own mental state reflected in his
they can't find not!dulcinea, apparently
she's probably operating heavy machinery elsewhere
harrow is putting up her blood wards when she hears augustine and mercygirl argue about the whole zeus situation
the incinerator alarm apparently interrupted their plan of letting this happen
whether or not they had a hand on the not!dulcinea thing idk
mercygirl says she didn't move her
we end this act with ice cube barbie maybe annabel lee saying "The water is risen. So is the sun. We will endure."
obligatory yearning for camilla moment
That is the end of Act III and of my commentary because this was way too long and I need to make less chapters at a time istg
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with the year coming to a close, i hope that anyone who's reflecting about how the year went remembers to be kind and fair to themselves with how you evaluate the year as a whole.
i think there are definitely times when life throws things that are... Not So Great at you. whether if it's some external circumstance that surprised you, or maybe your mentality wasn't at it's best. i wish for anyone who's encountered those kinds of challenges to be able to triumph over them and be able to say that they got through it.
heck, it might still be a work in progress even though you've kept chipping away at it, and that's ok! the results will show themselves eventually as you work through it! and i hope that we can all remember to be patient with ourselves as we go through these processes (learning, healing, etc.), because damn, it can be frustrating when you feel like you're "not there yet."
knowing that life can be rough at times, i think it's unfair to yourself (and others) to discount and downplay any progress you've made this year- whether if it's something that you did for the first time, or maybe you came to a new understanding and insight that you didn't have in the previous year.
it's not to say that you should undermine the validity of your experience with hardship, but to take the time to remind yourself what makes life worth living. to recall what moments were the most satisfying to you- and use it to strengthen your resolve for the next year and beyond. no amount of hardship will ever take away from the fact that you deserve to have hope that things will get better.
i hope that looking back on the year, you don't leave out the things you cherish. that you can remember the good that came this year. whether if the small victories are things like meeting someone new, trying something out for the first time, or making some strides in a long-term project/obligation...!
i wish everyone a happy new year! may it be prosperous, and that your life can move in a direction that's close to what you want out of life. you're all going to do great! remember to congratulate yourself for what you did well! despite everything, you're still here, and that's wonderful. never forget that!
#lizzy speaks#hello everyone. i know that there are *checks calendar* still 20 days left of december and 2023#but i've had a lot of strong emotions and feelings i've had to sort through as i've been thinking about how 2023 went for me#so a lot of what i've written here comes from the perspective of someone in their early 20s#it's like... a crash and burn from when you were a teenager thinking that you know everything#and realizing how big the world is and how many responsibilities there are#all while a feeling of overwhelm looms over as you try to sift your way through the world and adjust your understanding of it#for me i've definitely had an underlying thought that 'you should have your shit together by now why aren't you there yet'#and it's! not motivating! at all! to think that way. and it's made me more than ever want to be a friend to myself. to extend a patient-#kind voice to myself that reminds me that others are also trying to navigate these feelings and to accept that i'm not going to have an-#instantaneous understanding of how one goes about adulthood. and neither will they. even if they look 'put together.'#like... these people have also undergone similar stresses and along the way figured out how to navigate through that space#and personally i've found peace in knowing that there are people who are older than me. trusting that they've dealt with these things too i#some shape or form and that them living... being here.. is proof that we shall be fine in the end and that we will move past what plagues-#our mind. there's definitely been some... anger i've had this year that. school didnt teach me these things or skills!! i was so mad lol#but hey if we are little guys who are living on planet earth for the first time we shouldn't condemn ourselves to an unrealistic standard-#of going through life and being able to instantly do everything 'correctly' and know how everything works#i'm still working on improving that patience... and also trying to put in the work to understand these things.#in the midst of a very tough week for me i was tempted to say that 'nothing happened this year it was not productive'#but then i was like. that's. objectively not true if you just look at other things. also theres worth in life outside of 'productivity'#...i think i passed 20 tags at this point. but like. my favorite thing about 2023 was meeting so many cool awesome people!#who would've known that funny lil squid game could bring so many connections and friendships i cherish!#thank you so much! for being a part of my life and changing me for the better! for giving me many fond memories!#and i'm very grateful to anyone who supported me and my art this year... for sticking around even though i wished i could do more#it means the world to me knowing that there's proof that i exist and have touched someone's life in a positive way! thank you! truly!#ANYWAY. happy early new year. i hope everyone can nourish a friend in their head that extends acceptance and patience to themselves#as we try and make sense of the world together. there will be things that we don't understand yet! but one day we will! and it'll be like#wow! look how far i came! i'm okay! i'm alive! yipee! thank you for reading this post i made to get my feelings out! have a nice day!
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papa's x asexual reader hcs?
Primo
When you first told him you were asexual, he made a pot of tea from scratch. You then sat all evening and talked it all over.
He completely accepts it. He is very understanding and open. You find it really easy to talk to him.
He picks flowers for you from his garden. The flowers change with the seasons, but they are always colours you love.
If you've had a bad day, he’ll put an arm around you, and listen to you. He'll give advice if you ask for it.
He enjoys the deep romantic connection you both have.
He is very secure in himself, so he never pressures you or anything. He knows its just how you are, its not because you don't want him in that way.
One evening he sets up a large screen for you to watch films in the garden. There are fairy lights everywhere, and a blanket on the grass covered in cushions and blankets.
Secondo
He sees you around the ministry. He notices that you always pause to look at his paintings.
Something about you just makes him want to get to know you.
He approaches you and asks you out for a drink. You tell him you are asexual. “Yes, I know." He replies with a smile "I would love to get to know you, if you want.”
He makes sure he knows what your boundaries are. He also checks consent on anything he thinks might be near them.
If he even hears anyone so much as try and invalidate your sexuality he’ll appear next to you in full on terrifying papa mode.
He gives the best hugs ever, and he saves them just for you.
He offers to teach you how to paint, or improve if you already know. He would be so happy to share it with you.
Terzo
When you tell him you asexual he thinks for a moment. “Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me, to be yourself with me.”
He’s honestly slightly surprised you wanted to go out with him, what with his reputation... But you do want to! This makes him so happy, he realises you see him for who he really is. You see past the front he puts on while onstage.
He relaxes completely around you, he is just Terzo not Papa Emeritus III.
You love his warmth, his quick wit and flare when he tells a story.
He will ask a lot of questions to make sure he understands right.
He’s still jokingly flirty but never does anything that would make you uncomfortable.
Copia
He shows intimacy in so many different cute ways.
He'll leave cute notes around your rooms for you to find. "I am so lucky Amore, I get to be with you."
He’ll make you playlists for you to listen to of his favourite songs or anything he thinks you would like.
He also loves it when you play him songs, that you enjoy. He'll make a playlist of them to listen to when he misses you.
He honestly thought when you took him aside, saying you needed to tell him something, that he'd done something wrong or upset you. You looked so nervous. You told him you were asexual.
You were rather surprised that he started grinning “but cara you do not need to worry about telling me such things sÌ? I love learning more about you! Just tell me what I can do to make this relationship work for you? To make sure you comfortable and happy.”
Old Nihil
It doesn't matter how you identify, he'll still stare at you lovingly and simp.
He would never judge you, he's just happy to be with you.
When you go in to see him he greets you with a wide grin and says "Yello?"
You try your best to explain it and he just happily nods along. "Yesss sibling... you are looking very well."
If you have the patience, and explain it enough times, something will eventually click. He'll actually respond "Wooow, I see sibling, asexual, that is good! I'm glad you told me."
Even though he is old and struggling to understand most things, he realises this is important to you. So he makes sure, as best he can, to understand what your boundaries are and how he can make you feel safe and comfortable with him.
Young Nihil
"Sorry babe, come again?" He's not really listening at first as he tries to work out the chords to a song on his guitar.
You tell him it doesn't matter, slightly annoyed after it took you so much courage to say it the first time.
He realises from your tone and puts the guitar down apologising "no, please, tell me again, I'll listen."
So you patiently explain again and he replies "Oh, that's not a problem, in our religion all sexualities are accepted!"
You explain to him that you're worried since he seems to very much enjoy having people in his bed.
"I prefer to be with you, I made a mistake once before, never again." He takes your hands in his and kisses them. He looks you in the eyes and says "I love you."
Then after he thinks for a second, the questions start. It might take all night, since Nihil can sometimes be a little slower to catch on and he wants to make sure he knows exactly what you need from him.
~
Written by Nyx.
Taglist: @sirlsplayland @firefirevampire @mamacarlyle @thatoddboy @ouijaboardemo @lightbluuestars @mybotanicaldemise @emo-mess @copias-fluffy-asscheeks @lunarsromantichomicide @randodummy @tuttifuckinfruttifriday @natoncesaid @igodownjustlikeholymary @strawberriiblossoms @spicyshortsimp
#anon#ghost band x reader#ghost bc#ghost bc x reader#ghost x reader#papa emeritus ii#papa emeritus iii#papa emeritus i#papa emeritus iv#primo#papa emeritus i x reader#primo x reader#papa nihil#young papa nihil x reader#young papa nihil#young nihil#papa nihil x reader#old papa nihil x reader#old papa nihil#secondo x reader#secondo#terzo x reader#terzo#copia#copia x reader
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Meta-Analysis-Rambles - Forward, but Never Forget/XOXO
My beta was going over the phone conversation snippet between Mel and Silco, and pointed out the different levels of manipulation, mind games and mendacity at play here. To quote: "He's taking every page from her mother's playbook, and she knows it, but she's still succumbing, and her failure is a strategic move on his part. But she can't stop it and the end of this is going to suck so much."
Which: yeah.
(I'm sorry?)
This is my way of breaking down the thought process behind this scene. As always, debate, critiques and comments are welcome<3
Tw: Narcissistic abuse, unhealthy power dynamics, dysfunctional relationships
Forward but Never Forget/XOXO
Confidential: State Files – Piltover & Zaun.
Memorandum of Encrypted Telephone Conversation
Subjects: Councilor Mel Medarda & First Chancellor Silco
Declassified and De-encrypted Under Authority of the Intra-agency Security Panel
E.O. 12596 Section 5. B(y)
Councilor Medarda: Chancellor?
Chancellor Silco: Councilor. To what do I owe this pleasure?
Councilor Medarda: I am told Viktor has returned to Zaun.
Chancellor Silco: Yes. Two days ago.
Councilor Medarda: I am also told he has taken up residence at Emberflit Alley. With a secondary base of operations at your headquarters. Is that correct?
Chancellor Silco: I suppose. Then again, my intelligence network is not quite as nosy as yours.
(She's already upset and he knows that full well. He's banking on it. And the first layer of mindfuckery begins. It's a subtle threat: We both know each other's secrets, so let's play nice.)
Councilor Medarda: Don't be disingenuous.
Chancellor Silco: Disingenuous? What I am is monumentally busy. You know. With all the work that comes from having a city that isn't under someone's boot.
(Now he's taking performative pot shots. Preemptively attacking to keep her off balance. But Mel's a savvy politician. She's used to this game. She's got this.)
Councilor Medarda: Yes, it must be tiring indeed. So tiring that you neglected to mention the Hexcore is now in your pocket?
(She dispenses with their usual dance. Straight to the point.)
Chancellor Silco: Is that what that Rubiks cube is called?
Councilor Medarda: Do not try my patience! It's no accident you kept the Council out of the loop. What does Viktor plan to do with it?
Chancellor Silco: From what I can gather? Improve the lives of Zaunites.
Councilor Medarda: And you expect me to believe that?
Chancellor Silco: Forgive me? Are you questioning my integrity—or his?
(It's a double-layered question: If you trust my integrity so little, why work with me? But if you trust Viktor as little, why the hell are you allying with him? She's fired off warning shots. Now he's putting a gun to her head.)
Councilor Medarda: Do not misunderstand. I hold great esteem for Viktor. But if the Hexcore is perceived to be under Zaun's control, it will rattle Piltover's investors. Already, they are expressing concern that Zaun's chem-tech will surpass theirs.
Chancellor Silco: The Hexcore is not patented by your city. Nor is Viktor's work tied to your jurisdiction. His liminal status as Fissure-native saw to that. He has always been at liberty to take his inventions anywhere. Why not home?
Councilor Medarda: Existential arguments will not matter once stockholders turn tail. We are a nation of ideas. Hex-tech is our lifeblood. Now you've taken one of our pioneers. The question is, why? Is this the beginning of a hostile takeover? Or are you inviting economic sanctions?
Chancellor Silco: Neither. It is an overture of friendship.
Councilor Medarda: Friendship?
Chancellor Silco: If your investors are afraid that Zaun's profits will outperform theirs, perhaps they should consider giving our businesses a whack. Better yet, start a little friendly competition.
Councilor Medarda: Do not make a mockery of this!
Chancellor Silco: Mockery? I am deadly serious. As Chancellor of Zaun, I welcome all trade.
Councilor Medarda: Then you admit it? You lured Viktor away for economic benefit?
Chancellor Silco: Lure? Viktor is not a rabbit. He is a grown man. He has dedicated years of service to the Council, and to Piltover. Surely, he has the right to choose where he spends the rest of his time.
Councilor Medarda: You mean the last of his days. His health is in decline. Such circumstances drive men to dire straits.
(Mel's got him dead to rights. She's calling out the true reason why he's enticed Viktor back to Zaun. And yet her disinterest in masking the language, as is her habit, is telling. She's rattled. Her personal life is intruding on her professionalism, due to how Viktor's departure has affected Jayce. She's also coming down off the high of hers and Silco's recent détente, and now has to reckon with the fact that she's put her trust in someone she shouldn't have.)
(She's angry and vulnerable. Which is exactly what Silco wants.)
Chancellor Silco: And that's where we must differ.
Councilor Medarda: What do you mean?
Chancellor Silco: Only that his mind is sharp. And the rest of him, still young. One may yet salvage the other.
Councilor Medarda: Do you realize the furor this has caused? Already, the Council are up in arms! The move will cut holes in our coffers. Coffers that, since Zaun's separation, are already hemorrhaging gold!
Chancellor Silco: I have made it no secret that Piltover must loosen its chokehold on the markets. What you decry as hemorrhage, I see as a balancing of scales.
Councilor Medarda: I have worked tirelessly to ensure that Piltover is a source of economic stability in Runeterra. A place where foreign traders can find new beginnings. You would risk decades of my effort with the stroke of your pen?
Chancellor Silco: If your stability came at our expense? Then: yes.
(And here's the crux of the conversation. And indeed, the crux of FnF. Revolution is about equity. About redistributing the wealth, the power, the resources. About dismantling the systems that maintain the status quo, and making the system itself more equitable. Silco, for all his villain-coded awfulness, has only ever wanted this. But his means are ruthless and leave bodies in their wake. And Mel, for all her hero-coded goodness, has always resisted it. Her means are to finesse deals and arrive at compromises where the big guys stay happy but the little guy drowns. They both want the same thing, but the only way to make it happen is if someone's hand is forced. They keep pushing each other’s buttons, trying to make the other give.)
(Thus far, Mel has held the cards. She's cleverer at this game: blessed with an education and resources. Her connections have given her every advantage, and she's not above using them against Silco, who has grown up quick but hugely underprivileged. Now Silco has begun to understand the core of her neurosis: her self-worth. He's got a daughter who suffers similarly. So he weaponizes the knowledge, bypassing Mel's cleverness by striking at the heart of her vulnerabilities.)
(And it works.)
("Power, real power, doesn't come to those who are born strongest, or fastest, or smartest. No: it comes to those who will do anything to achieve it.")
Councilor Medarda: Our partnership is mutually beneficial. To throw it away for petty conceit—
Chancellor Silco: But who benefits more? A war-gutted backwater finding its feet? Or a nation that sits upon the pinnacle of progress?
Councilor Medarda: It was my belief that you wanted Zaun to succeed. That you were working toward the same ends as I.
Chancellor Silco: I am.
Councilor Medarda: And yet you have taken advantage of Viktor's deteriorating health! He would never have returned had you not swayed him!
Chancellor Silco: The way you talk, it's like you think I slithered up from the depths, and hypnotized him with a bag of candy in my hand. With such paternalism, is it any wonder he left? Or did you pay him with head-pats and gold stars during his tenure as Hex-tech cofounder?
(The irony of this narcissistic asshattery is twofold. They both deploy charm offensives to turn people into instruments of gratification. But their methods are different. Silco uses a combination of fear and coercion, while Mel's is softer and sweeter. Both are selfish. Neither of them respects Viktor's agency as a human being. He is on the platter as a morsel, and they're both bickering over who has the right to eat him.)
(But now there's a difference.)
(Silco's consumption is rooted in nationalistic fervor and self-righteous indignation. Mel's is a result of her need to smooth troubled waters and keep her city financially afloat. In this case, she has no ulterior motives. Silco has nothing but. And he's killing two birds with one stone: reminding her that she's not infallible, while also reminding her that her city's success is contingent on the Undercity's resources, and the resourcefulness of its people.)
(That's her Achilles heel, and he's going for the tendons.)
Councilor Medarda: If this snideness is a demonstration of your sincerity, then I will bid you goodnight.
Chancellor Silco: You may bid me whatever you wish. The fact remains that Viktor is free to move as he chooses. We spoke during the gala. I told him—plainly—that the doors of his hometown would remain open. And that, if he contributed to Zaun's development, he would have a seat at the table. He made his own choice. If his convictions are at odds with Piltover, it is because your agenda had no interest in including him.
(And comes the knife in the gut. He's turned the tables. Now he's reminding her that her city has its own blind spots, its own biases, and its own hubris. In point of fact, Piltover has not treated Viktor well. He's been the silent, self-effacing force behind their prosperity. A silent partner, and silently suffering as his health deteriorates.)
(Silco's using that for his own ends. He's also laying out the groundwork for his final salvo: his Four Horsemen. He wants Piltover close as close, with their finances inextricably linked, so he can watch them suffer once he tears it all down.)
Councilor Medarda: I am at pains to point out that an open door proves the most successful enticement of all. You lay your choicest cards on the table, and wait for the opponent to make the gamble.
(He's the enemy. She's reminding herself of that. Her language has become that of warfare, rather than the language of diplomacy. And yet, in standing her ground, she's slipping. Her political intelligence is being clouded by her emotional wounds.)
(This is his doing. She's fighting his war now, not her own.)
Chancellor Silco: I am also, as you take pains to note, a zealot. I believe in Zaun. I believe in the Fissurefolk. Viktor is the greatest living example of our potential. He has contributed immeasurably to Piltover's success. Now, he has returned where he's needed. If Piltover is as great as you claim, it can bloody well manage without him.
Councilor Medarda: The Hexcore is integral to our projects! It was created in Piltover!
Chancellor Silco: Now Zaun will repurpose it.
Councilor Medarda: So you admit it? Your goal is to destabilize our markets?
(Mel's trying to wrest the gun away and point it at his head. But her aim's not good enough. It's too close. Too messy. It doesn't pin him down the way she wants it to.)
(Worse, he's laughing on the inside. This is a game he knows how to win.)
Chancellor Silco: There you go again. If my city gets one-fifth of the pie, do you starve for the lack of the other four-fifths? If we have one brilliant engineer, and you have one hundred, is our innovation an impediment to your success? For a woman of such wealth, you are fixated on a fistful of coins.
Councilor Medarda: Coin is how you build a foundation. Without it, you have nothing.
Chancellor Silco: You have your mind. You hands. You will. Coin is the means, not the end.
Councilor Medarda: And yet you risk the Treaty between our cities, in a bid for more!
Chancellor Silco: By what standard do you measure a Treaty? You've sanctioned fair trade between our cities. Our markets are now a two-way street. But yours has been the tight-fisted hoarder. Ours? The beggar with his hand out. Your Hex-Gates have kept our industries stagnant. Your decrees have kept us locked in. Your monopolies have kept our brightest from ever seeing the light of day. Now we are crawling our way out. But first, we must recover from the old scars.
Councilor Medarda: I have done my utmost to keep your city afloat! Referrals, subsidies, contracts. I've coaxed the Council to look past their prejudices. Cajoled the chariest stakeholders into lending coin to your industries. My efforts have been beyond reproach. And what do you do? Swipe my silver like a thief in the night!
(In my headcanon, she very nearly fumbles as she uses this metaphor. Her first choice was 'rapist.' Also, broadly speaking, from dynamics of social class, we're now transitioning toward gender, and the intrinsic link between the two, as well as how it translates into power.)
(But Mel's not ready to go there yet, so she's keeping the conversation firmly on the financial. Socially, Silco remains her 'inferior' due to his identity as a working-class man. Politically, his nation's balance hinges on her goodwill. Or rather, her noblesse oblige. He's not a threat; just a fuck-up in need of a helping hand. But his audacity has thrown her for a loop, and the only way she knows how to regain control is to remind him of his debt to her. A stance he now rejects, because they've become intimate.)
(Which brings up the secondary layer of their mindfuckery. As we will soon see.)
Chancellor Silco: If Piltover sees the loss of one man as theft, then perhaps your faith in your city is unfounded. Zaunites are not thieves. We only take what we are owed. Now we will use it as we see fit.
Councilor Medarda: And how, pray tell, will you use the Hexcore? Sell its secrets to the highest bidder? Or hoard them, like a miser, to build an arsenal that reduces both our cities to rubble? If conquest was your aim—
Chancellor Silco: Conquest?
(A telling choice of words, and another laugh in her ear.)
(In her mind, he's become the monster under the bed. He's her greatest fear: an unruly hellpit beneath her golden city. A wild animal that wants to be free. And her mind's conjuring up images of the Siege, and her city a smoking ruin. More to the point, she's regressing. She's becoming the girl at the mercy of her warlord mother's harsh lessons. She's a child, helpless, and the adult has come to teach her the consequences of weakness.)
(And yet, she's also grown up, and she's the mistress of her own house. She's been through the Siege, and survived, and come out stronger for it. She's a warrior in her own right, and she's going to act like one.)
Councilor Medarda: You speak in absolutes. Winners and losers. Beggars and choosers. March forward—and damn the consequences!
Chancellor Silco: You are the one speaking in absolutes. I see a simple solution to all of this. Let Zaun keep the Hexcore. Because that's the only way we can achieve parity. Our economy has finally freed itself from your city's shackles. My Cabinet is undertaking reforms to stem excess liquidity. We're encouraging worker co-operatives by establishing a national credit union. We're offering incentives for independent start-ups. All of this is but a fraction of what's necessary to strengthen our markets. But we are trying. We are fighting every step. We are not asking for handouts. Only the right to succeed. On our own terms. With our own people.
Councilor Medarda: I have heard enough.
(She's doing what her mother would do. Shutting down the conversation, before her vulnerability and fear make her lose face. She's made her case. There's nothing left for him to say.)
(And so, he does the worst thing she can imagine. He ignores her.)
Chancellor Silco: Have you? Or are you afraid what I say makes sense?
Councilor Medarda: I expected, after everything, that we'd share a modicum of trust.
Chancellor Silco: Trust—or intimacy?
Councilor Medarda: ...
Chancellor Silco: Apologies. Was our encounter in the obelisk to go unstated?
(He's dropped the mic.)
(He's also got her - as he literally did in the obelisk - by the short hairs. Their intimacy is now a liability, and his leverage. They've crossed a line they can't uncross, and it's now a tool for his own ends.)
(Thus begins the secondary mindfuckery: their affair. )
(Thus far, Mel's used her sex appeal to stir his passions, and keep him wanting more. Now he's weaponizing his experience, and his ease with sexuality, in a bid to undermine her confidence. In business, she's the coy seductress. In pleasure, she's honest, and honesty makes her vulnerable. Unlike her, Silco sees pleasure as nothing but an excuse to bare the ugliness beneath the veneer. Because, like most things in the Fissures, it's been deformed into a force of consumption rather than creation.)
(Pleasure - true pleasure - is deep on the inside. And it's a long, slow path to reach it. A man like Silco has little reason to bother. The simulacrum can be wielded with a much sharper edge. Which is precisely why he's chosen to use it.)
(Because he wants her to feel the way he did as a young man: exposed, and at the mercy of his desires.)
Councilor Medarda: My feelings on the matter are not the issue.
Chancellor Silco: I think, by your silence, they are. What did you believe? A few kisses, and suddenly, I'd be yours for the taking?
Councilor Medarda: We did more than kiss!
Chancellor Silco: I didn't say we didn't. I asked what you believed? Did you imagine I would turn into a puddle, and fall at your feet? You, who have lacked for nothing and never been denied, thought a moment's affection would turn me into your lapdog?
(Make 'em cry, then make 'em come. Later chapters will boil this down as his ethos re: sex.)
(It's also rooted in his foundational trauma in FnF with Vander and Nandi. Each time, he'd made love with someone he was close to. Then Nandi was murdered. And Vander betrayed him. He'd been left with nothing but grief, and rage. By the end, he's learned that sex is a means to an end, and the end is power. He's using that knowledge now.)
(Mel's a proud woman, and a clever one. But she's also deeply wounded. This is not the first time she's been physically vulnerable with a man, only for him to withdraw. Her first lover manipulated her feelings for his own gain. The second, Jayce, abandoned her in the dead of the night to go be with Viktor. And her mother, of course, jettisoned her to save her own neck.)
(Now she's been used again. Worse, it's by a Trencher who is reminding her of his relative lack of need for her. He's telling her that, despite growing up with nothing, he has more self-respect than she does. And her ego's taken a serious hit. Now her mind is scrambling, trying to salvage the situation. Because she's just had a reminder of how badly her own instincts have failed her. Silco is not the threat. He's a symptom of a larger problem, and that problem is the blindspot in her own psyche: her inability to recognize that her needs and the needs of a strong ruler are incompatible.)
(Which is exactly what her mother spent a lifetime trying to train out of her, and which is what ultimately got her banished.)
Councilor Medarda: My affections were genuine! Unlike your reciprocation! You took advantage of my state of mind! My honesty, my trust—
Chancellor Silco: I did nothing of the sort. In fact, I gave you every opportunity to walk away. You chose to stay. I neither invited you, nor held expectations beyond the moment. You're the one who seems to think desire is a debt, and intimacy a contract.
Councilor Medarda: Intimacy? If the word were a dagger, you'd be holding it!
Chancellor Silco: It appears, then, that you've stabbed yourself.
(Flashbacks ahoy! Trauma-o-rama!)
(His words have just sliced her open, and she's bleeding all over the floor. She's not angry. She's terrified. She's realizing, belatedly, that her feelings for him have gone past the professional—and that he's not just her nemesis, but a threat to her nation. His city is a powder keg beneath her feet, and he's ready to light the fuse.)
(And yet, he's right. She's the one who stayed. And she's the one who kissed him first.)
(Because he's the one who grew up with nothing - but she's the needy one. Because her mother's voice is always ringing in her ears. Her mother, who loved her, but had a terrible way of showing it. Her mother, who's always judged her, and taught her that she must be perfect, because to be less than perfect is to warrant expulsion. She's grown up having everything, and yet been left wanting.)
(It's a paradoxical existence: rich, yet starved. And that's the core of Mel's character.)
(And Silco, her seeming antithesis, knows this. Because he's also suffered this contradiction. He's had nothing and has now gotten everything. But it's come at a cost: his daughter traumatized, his city burning, his relationships dust.)
(But unlike Mel, he's not afraid to look the byproduct of ugliness in the eye. Because his understanding is the key to unlocking her deepest, darkest fears.)
Councilor Medarda: Why are you doing this?
Chancellor Silco: Doing what?
Councilor Medarda: Turning on me.
Chancellor Silco: I've done no such thing. I warned you from the outset that my first priority was my city. The welfare of my child. I will compromise neither.
(In my headcanon, she says it in the same tone as when she'd confronted Ambessa. "Why? Why did you do it?" i.e. "What did I do wrong? How was it my fault? Why was I not worthy?")
(And Silco, having driven her here, now becomes her solacer. Worse, he unbalances her by showing his cards. By saying he's a father. By revealing, obliquely, that his daughter is also a victim, and has suffered. Because that's the other core of his character: his devotion to his child, and his drive to give her a better life. Which is a goal Mel herself understands, and sympathizes with. The fact that he's the seeming villain of the piece, and she's the ostensible heroine, has not stopped them from forming an understanding.)
(Fundamentally, they're both former wunderkinds whose childhood traumas have, in different ways, led them to the same conclusions: the world is unfair, and only the strong can change it.)
Councilor Medarda: But you'll make a bedfellow of Viktor.
Chancellor Silco: Bedfellow? Is that what this is about? You believe my attention is suspect.
Councilor Medarda: Do you deny it?
Chancellor Silco: My dear, the boy is in poor health. I'm not sure what peculiarities you shared with Talis—
Councilor Medarda: Leave Jayce out of this!
Chancellor Silco: —But the fact is, I am not interested in seducing a man in his last days. In fact, the prospect is downright ghoulish. Unless, in Noxus, this is the done thing?
Councilor Medarda: Watch how you speak to me.
Chancellor Silco: You've accused me of taking advantage of a sick man. Seducing him, no less. What is this, if not a bid at easing your own guilt?
Councilor Medarda: Guilt? You dare talk to me about guilt? Do you realize how distraught Jayce has been, since learning of Viktor's defection? He's refusing to work. He's refusing to speak. He's a wreck!
Chancellor Silco: Nothing cuts deeper than a brother's loss.
Councilor Medarda: We made a bargain for Jayce's safety!
Chancellor Silco: And I am honoring it. Unless you believe Viktor is the latest in a line of hidden threats?
Councilor Medarda: I do not know what to believe.
Chancellor Silco: This is not about belief. It's about trust. You're fine sharing a bed with Talis. You've no qualms stringing a dozen men on a leash. But the moment you encounter a rival—a real one, not the puppets you call lovers—suddenly it's a conspiracy. That is not how fair trade is done, Councilor. You cannot play my equal one moment, and then clutch your virtue like a jilted little girl the next.
(Silco's not wrong. She's been playing a very dangerous game. She's been using the same tricks her mother uses, but her aim has not been conquest. At least, not entirely. There's a part of her that's genuinely fascinated by him. Who's drawn to his confidence, his ruthlessness, and his ability to get things done. She's not sure she can find anyone else like him. He's a threat to her city, and a threat to her ego. And yet he's the only person who can match her wit. So she took the risk, and chose to keep him close, in hopes that she'd eventually subdue him into compliance.)
(It was a terrible gamble. Now she's lost.)
(Worse, she's lost her footing, and he's on the high ground. But he's offering her a chance to come back from the brink. A chance to re-balance their relationship, and maintain the status quo. Which is, fundamentally, the only thing Mel truly wants. She doesn't want to destroy him, or even see him hurt. She just wants the world to continue turning as it always has.)
(In this case, the Treaty and her relationship with Silco are the two pillars that keep her city strong.)
(Her greatest fear isn't him. It is him being right.)
Councilor Medarda: Then return Viktor to Piltover! The Council will overlook the theft of the Hexcore. We will negotiate a fair compensation for its exchange. Two million. Three, if you like.
Chancellor Silco: You take away our own, then attempt to pay us up front like at a fishmonger's?
Councilor Medarda: Four million. Five-and-a half. Any price—within reason. Viktor is integral to our city. His and Jayce's Hexcore is a prime investment. If they split ways, our shareholders—
(And there it is: her innate flaw. Her need to fix, to smooth, to negotiate. Her desire for the world to remain a pleasant place, and her willingness to make deals with the devil to achieve it. She's begging him to accept the offer, and she's also begging him not to reject her, and to prove her wrong.)
(Except the devil's done playing ball. Now, having laid the groundwork, he's going in for the kill.)
Chancellor Silco: Listen to yourself. Price. Investment. Shareholder. This is the not the vocabulary of partnership. It is the language of acquisition. Viktor is not yours to buy back. Nor is he mine to sell. He is a Zaunite. He is free to work wherever he chooses. And if the Council is threatened by that, it's their business. They can clutch their pearls and wring their hands. Or—
Councilor Medarda: Or, what?
Chancellor Silco: They can have their cake and eat it too.
Councilor Medarda: Meaning?
Chancellor Silco: Meaning they are invited to dip their fingers in the Zaunite pie. The chem-tech. The sextech. The Shimmer. Our market is open.
Councilor Medarda: You'll pardon me, if I have difficulty taking you at your word.
Chancellor Silco: Then permit me a gesture of good faith.
Councilor Medarda: What?
Chancellor Silco: You'll get to pop the cherry.
Councilor Medarda: ...
(From a politician, he's now transitioning into what he truly is: a thug. A kingpin who has brought a city to its knees with his wits, the fire in his belly, and a handful of Shimmer. And she, despite her best efforts, is no longer in a position of power. Which is why she's struggling to grasp his meaning. To her, it's not just a change of pace. It's the crude vocabulary of a brothel. The language of men who commoditize and consume innocence as if it were a resource. And he, having made his way up the ladder, has a foot in both worlds.)
(Now he's inviting her to partake, and he's telling her that she will like it. He's also reminding her, by invoking a sex metaphor, that she can place herself once again in the driver's seat. And that her desire is a power of its own. That she, and only she, has the power to choose a better way.)
(Mel is an expert at the game of seduction. But seduction is not sex. The former comes with an elaborate framework of rules. The latter is a raw, unbridled force. And Silco is fluent in both. In a way, he's doing what Ambessa did when she taught Mel how to be a fox and a wolf. He's teaching her the reality of the trenches, and he's inviting her to join him in it.)
(This invitation is her first step into his wolf's den, where he will, later, tear her throat out.)
Chancellor Silco: Apologies. Is that vulgarism not permitted Topside? Should I say, You get to cut the ribbon? They are tantamount to the same.
Councilor Medarda: Namely?
Chancellor Silco: House Medarda will be the first beneficiary of our new tax policy. You'll have leverage over controlling shares in Zaun's biggest chem-cultivation companies. Medicinal, agricultural, cosmetic. No tax audits for the first five years. Free access to our ports. Unlimited export. Your name holds great clout with investors. Use it. Viktor's departure may well rattle the markets. But this way, Piltover will have a fallback. Your shareholders will rally. Your Council will be intrigued. You will have an unprecedented chance to share in Zaun's spoils.
Councilor Medarda: What of the Hexcore?
Chancellor Silco: Whatever Viktor does with his intellectual property is his choice, and his alone.
Councilor Medarda: If Zaun were to manufacture Hex-weaponry—
Chancellor Silco: We already possess an arsenal. The same we used to liberate our city. Since then, we've not fired a single shot against you. We've no interest in war. Our priority is progress. Shared progress. That's what the Treaty was for, after all.
Councilor Medarda: The Treaty was meant to foster trust between our cities.
Chancellor Silco: As equals. Now's your chance to prove it. Show the world that the Council isn't afraid of Zaun's independence. Demonstrate that you believe in your own philosophy. Allow Viktor to pursue his goals in Zaun. He'll still benefit both our cities, in ways we have yet to quantify.
(The phrase "ways we have yet to quantify" is not a metaphor. It is literally a reference to the unforeseen consequences of magic. Silco's making the same arguments that Jayce did when he first presented his proposal for Hextech to the Council.)
(It's an echo of the past, and how Hex-tech catapulted Piltover to the top, as Mel had always aspired.)
(Thus far, Mel's been in survival mode - a holdover of the Siege. She's focused on keeping matters stable in the present. Silco, having grown up in the Fissures, has no such compunctions. His focus is on the future, and the possibilities inherent in their collaboration. In other words, the promise of progress.)
(Best of all, his offer is designed to appeal to Mel's desire for success.)
Councilor Medarda: The Council will require surety. You cannot expect me to win your points by fiat. I am not a miracle-worker.
Chancellor Silco: All the more reason to take the leap.
Councilor Medarda: What if Viktor proves unable?
Chancellor Silco: As in: dead? Or disinclined?
Councilor Medarda: The latter is a scenario. The former—a sad outcome.
Chancellor Silco: Then you'll have your Hexcore back. And a pile of coins to boot. I fail to see the downside.
Councilor Medarda: You have a diabolical habit of speaking in circles.
(And she's caught in its center. All her objections have gone from moral to practical. Because the morality has long since ceased to matter. What matters is the reality: two cities whose fates are inextricably bound. And, if their leaders must maintain peace, they will have to find a way to accommodate the other's needs.)
(Which is exactly the conclusion they'll arrive at by the end of this tale. But not before their respective hang-ups drive them to the edge.)
Chancellor Silco: Because the solution is obvious. Viktor will succeed. His work is the key to his longevity. And the breakthroughs he makes will be integral to our shared success.
Councilor Medarda: I'll expect to be kept apprised of developments.
Chanellor Silco: Naturally.
Councilor Medarda: I'll also expect a private tour of your chem-cultivations once they've ripened.
Chancellor Silco: With luck, they'll taste as sweet as you.
Councilor Medarda: That's quite enough.
Chancellor Silco: Deal or no deal, Councilor?
Councilor Medarda: I still haven't forgiven you.
Chancellor Silco: For neglecting to mention Viktor?
Councilor Medarda: It wasn't neglect. It was payback. I checkmated you with the Peacekeeper Exchange Initiative, and Violet. You did the same with Viktor.
(Her defenses are finally down. She's coming clean. She's not angry. She's hurt. And her hurt has driven her to an honest confession, which she delivers as a counter-accusation. 'We're both political beasts. We both use people. We both want the same things, but so far, I've had the better hand. Now you've come back with an ace, and you're showing it to me. So I'm laying my cards on the table.')
(This is not a declaration of defeat, but rather one of truce.)
Chancellor Silco: That's the nature of politics. But—if you'll forgive the crudeness—vis a vis myself and Viktor...
Councilor Medarda: Yes?
Chancellor Silco: Fuck, no.
Councilor Medarda: ...
Chancellor Silco: Your jealousy is flattering. But unfounded.
Councilor Medarda: It is not jealousy.
Chancellor Silco: What then?
Councilor Medarda: A woman in my position must defend it. And if she must do so with ferocity, so be it. It's the same way one defends a city. There is a saying in Noxus. 'A man who is not ready to die for his nation, is not ready to live in it.'
Chancellor Silco: Is that why you left? Was Noxus not worth the price?
Councilor Medarda: I did not leave. I was cast out. There is a difference. Noxus is my homeland. But Piltover is my home. I will not let her fall. Even if a little jealousy is what it takes to defend her interests.
Chancellor Silco: And Talis too, I'd wager.
Councilor Medarda: This is not about my relationship with Jayce.
Chancellor Silco: Isn't it? Everything you've said so far, can be traced back to it. You were his lover for nearly a year. His closeness with Viktor was common knowledge. I imagine you were sometimes put in an awkward spot. The unwitting Delilah. You are an intelligent woman. I don't doubt your political acumen. But you're not unbreakable. Whereas the bond forged between two brothers in the crucible...
Councilor Medarda: What are you implying?
Chancellor Silco: I'm implying nothing. I'm asking, plain. Do you fear the dynamic will replicate itself? That my interest in Viktor forebodes something deeper?
(Perceptive bastard is perceptive. He's been in a similar dynamic w/ the entire Vander/Lika/Silco mess. He knows all too well the pain of a triangulated love. He's been on the receiving end. And he's also, despite his best intentions, going to inflict the same pain again, with the Mel/Sevika/Silco mess. Which, in his mind, will be an entirely different thing, because he's spinning a circle dance in his head, and trying to justify his actions accordingly.)
(But right now, he's not thinking about his own culpability. Right now, he's got a target in his sights.)
Councilor Medarda: Don't jest.
Chancellor Silco: It is a bit gallows, isn't it? Livewire urges and dying men…
Councilor Medarda: Gods, you are intractable.
Chancellor Silco: Then allow me to be frank. Your suspicions stem from hurt pride. You've been exiled from your homeland. You've struggled to achieve every inch of prestige. But belonging? That is the true challenge. With Talis, you had it. But his closeness with Viktor...
Councilor Medarda: ...
Chancellor Silco: Shall I drop the subject?
Councilor Medarda: No. You—
Chancellor Silco: Speak freely.
Councilor Medarda: You aren't wrong. Jayce and Viktor—
Chancellor Silco: Had a connection.
Councilor Medarda: Yes. Sometimes, Jayce would stay late at his lab. I was accustomed to finding him and Viktor together. I thought nothing of it. I had no reason to. They were as close as family. Like brothers. But sometimes...
Chancellor Silco: Hm?
Councilor Medarda: That closeness was extraordinary. They never touched. Not the way Jayce and I did. But their intimacy was more than skin deep. Deeper even than the heart.
Chancellor Silco: The soul?
Councilor Medarda: Perhaps.
Chancellor Silco: Did it trouble you?
Councilor Medarda: I envied it. It's easy, when one has prestige, to be desired. It's not so simple to be loved. Not that way. Between Jayce and Viktor, it was effortless. A fusion that went beyond flesh. And that... frightened me.
Chancellor Silco: Because your place with Talis was threatened?
Councilor Medarda: Because it felt like mine wasn't the love he needed.
(Echoes of Silco and Vander. And Silco and Jinx. ("Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.")
(It's a beautiful verse. In FnF, it's also a dangerous lie. Because anything can become corrupted: magic, family, faith. Even love.)
Chancellor Silco: And you fear history is repeating itself.
Councilor Medarda: I—
Chancellor Silco: For a woman with everything, your estimation of yourself is low indeed.
Councilor Medarda: It's not estimation. Merely—
Chancellor Silco: Past experience. You've mentioned.
Councilor Medarda: You must find this a very peculiar conversation.
Chancellor Silco: It's not every day you're accused of seducing a dying man.
Councilor Medarda: I apologize.
Chancellor Silco: For what, precisely?
Councilor Medarda: My past entanglements have been—complicated. I'm afraid the wounds are rather fresh, and I—
Chancellor Silco: —Have the right to feel whatever you feel. You do not owe me explanations, Mel. But, if a listening ear helps to settle your thoughts, I am here.
(It begins.)
(He's verbally and emotionally thrashed her until she bled. Now he becomes the salve. It's a classic tactic: make them cry, then hold their hand. Abusers love the process of breaking, and the power it gives them. But they also enjoy the process of fixing, and the sense of control it offers. It's how they justify themselves: "I hurt you, but only I can put you back together.")
(Silco is no exception. But his motives are also dubious. He genuinely likes Mel. He finds her intriguing. He's attracted to her. And in a tiny way, she reminds him of Nandi's best qualities, same way Sevika embodies all of Nandi's sultriest physical attributes.)
(Fundamentally, he's looking for neither a surrogate nor a proxy: he's looking for a partner. Someone who can stand toe-to-toe with him. But his mind, being what it is, has warped that desire into the language of dominance and submission. He speaks it in varying ways with both Mel and Sevika, and with the rest of his inner circle, to varying degrees.)
(The only one who bypasses it is Jinx.)
(And by the end, she'll have her old man chugging that respect-the-woman juice until it's coming out of his nose.)
Councilor Medarda: That's the first time you've called me by my name.
Chancellor Silco: Is it? I beg your pardon.
Councilor Medarda: Don't. I—I like it.
Chancellor Silco: So do I. Short for Melika, isn't it?
Councilor Medarda: Yes.
Chancellor Silco: Targonian for Honey.
Councilor Medarda: That's right. My father, in his wisdom, named me after his forefathers' bee farms. My mother, in her temper, would say: 'A Medarda needs no honey. Only an army of a thousand stingers.'
Chancellor Silco: And thus: Mel.
Councilor Medarda: Mmm.
Chancellor Silco: Honey hiding a thousand stings. How very apt.
(Fun fact. Mel is the Latin root for Mellis, or sweetness. Literally, it means Honey. It's also used in words like Mellisonant and Mellifluous. Meanwhile, the Old English Melvin means 'Council Protector.' Our girl is all that, and a bag of chips.)
(By invoking her first name, Silco is establishing a rapport grounded in past memory. Her response is to reciprocate, which she does by sharing the childhood anecdote. She's inviting him to continue their game of honesty, because she's enjoying it. Because the only people who've truly understood her have either betrayed her, or have left her.)
(Now, she has him.)
(And isn't it just a sad metaphor for vampirism: you cannot be harmed unless you invite them past the threshold.)
Councilor Medarda: And you? What's your name short for? It's not a line I've heard of before.
Chancellor Silco: Zaun puts no stock in lineage. Our names are what we are born with. And, if we're lucky, what we die with. Mine is no different.
Councilor Medarda: Your mother never gave you a moniker? A pet name?
Chancellor Silco: None worth repeating.
Councilor Medarda: Surely you exaggerate.
Chancellor Silco: Would you prefer: "Bastard", "Motherfucker", or "Dirty Little Thing"? Take your pick.
Councilor Medarda: ...
Chancellor Silco: That'll teach you to pry.
(He's not exaggerating in the slightest. If anything, he's owning the pain, and making a weapon of it. He has no shame or guilt over his past. What he does have is the scars. And he's showing her that they're as much a part of him as his monstrosity. He is his trauma, and his trauma has made him stronger.)
(And yet it's nearly a goad. "Feel bad for me. I'm so broken, and only you can fix me.")
(Mel, effortlessly empathetic, does not disappoint.)
Councilor Medarda: This isn't prying. This is conversation. Between equals. From a place of trust. Or is it easier to keep people at arm's length? To pretend you have no past at all?
Chancellor Silco: I've never made a secret of my past. Some aspects are simply best forgotten.
Councilor Medarda: Like a difficult mother. I can commiserate.
Chancellor Silco: Better a madwoman's son than a warlord's daughter.
Councilor Medarda: A warlord's leavings. House Medarda does not take its bloodline lightly. We cast out the unfit, lest they tarnish the family name. So, in a way, I put no stock in lineage, either. We are what we make of ourselves. That is the choice Piltover offers. It's why I love this city. Why I would fight to protect it.
Chancellor Silco: Something we've in common.
Councilor Medarda: Did we not always? From the moment of our parley, we've locked horns. But our ends are the same. A bright future. For Zaun, and Piltover.
(She's finally coming around to his point of view, and admitting her own bias. She's not doing it to manipulate him; she's doing it because he's earned it. By speaking honestly, and openly, and sharing her own vulnerability, she's opened a new vein in their relationship.)
(A vein Silco will slowly infuse with his poison.)
Chancellor Silco: One where sons are not condemned to the fate of their fathers.
Councilor Medarda: Nor daughters, their mothers.
Chancellor Silco: Then we are in accord. The Hexcore, and Viktor, remain in Zaun.
Councilor Medarda: On certain conditions. First, we will establish a formal framework for collaboration between our scientific institutions. Second, all Zaun-based import and export of Hex-tech will be subject to inspection by a joint oversight committee. Third, there will be no development of Hex-tech weaponry without the prior approval of the joint oversight committee.
Chancellor Silco: Is this meant as a slap on the wrist?
Councilor Medarda: It is a gesture of trust. Repay it in kind.
Chancellor Silco: You mean: Welcome the Peacekeeper Exchange Initiative.
Councilor Medarda: Accept the officers as they are. A declaration of togetherness. And Violet—
Chancellor Silco: Ward of your state. Fruit of mine.
Councilor Medarda: Let her become the bridge between us. Let her reconcile with her sister.
Chancellor Silco: Violet is not a child. She is a grown woman. If she wishes to see her sister, she is free to do so.
Councilor Medarda: Does that apply to Jinx, too?
Chancellor Silco: I've never barred Jinx from anything. Only the dangers at the door.
Councilor Medarda: Then let's make sure they're gone. For good.
Chancellor Silco: You have my word.
(By golly, does she ever. In his mind, the danger is Vi. As such, he's just promised to make Vi disappear.)
Councilor Medarda: When you say it in that tone, I'd almost believe you mean it.
Chancellor Silco: You make it hard not to.
Councilor Medarda: And is it so hard?
Chancellor Silco: As the night.
Councilor Medarda: You are shameless, Chancellor.
Chancellor Silco: Silco. Let's dispense with the titles. Makes it easier to keep things straightforward.
Councilor Medarda: Or harder to forget.
Chancellor Silco: I'm from Zaun, Mel. Secrets born here have teeth.
Councilor Medarda: I am trying not to hold that against you.
Chancellor Silco: Try to understand. My city is still raw. So is my child. Both need a close eye. Until the dust settles, any distraction would be a disservice. To them. To myself. To the future.
Councilor Medarda: Distraction?
Chancellor Silco: I mean no insult. But you are that. A maddening, delightful, and altogether impossible distraction.
(More of the mean-sweet cycle. He's nearly threatened to tear her city apart. Now he's the smitten gentleman. He's the Creature from the Black Lagoon. He's the schoolboy tugging her pigtails. And the dichotomy is a big part of his appeal. Because trauma shapes our psychological landscape, and Mel's is, like Silco's, a house of contradictions. She yearns to feel in control. Yet she's spent her girlhood left off-balance by her mother, who made her walk a tightrope of expectations. And Silco, whose entire life has been defined by the conflict between powerlessness and agency, plays it like a pro.)
(Which is why, despite the warning bells, Mel keeps succumbing.)
(She's no fool in love. But, for the first time, she's found someone who can meet her on her level. Silco's not intimidated by her family. He's not dazzled by her looks. He's not blinded by her wealth. He sees her. And that is her weakness. The same weakness that draws Caitlyn to Vi. That draws Jinx to Ekko.)
(It's the allure of the unattainable.)
Councilor Medarda: You flatter me.
Chancellor Silco: The truth flatters itself.
Councilor Medarda: I can't decide any longer if it's devilry or sainthood that drives you.
Chancellor Silco: Sainthood? Please. If I were, you wouldn't be half as interested.
Councilor Medarda: I'd be intrigued. But not compelled. Not—
Chancellor Silco: Go on.
Councilor Medarda: I did not grow up shielded with goosedown pillows. I've had my share of admirers. Most have been eager. Some, desperate. All have been... less.
Chancellor Silco: I'd wager that has more to do with the quality of the suitors, than any imperfections on your part.
Councilor Medarda: My point is that it's not easy for me to open myself. To give in to impulse. And yet, you inspire it. Effortlessly.
Chancellor Silco: I hope you know you're in safe hands.
Councilor Medarda: Skillful? Yes. Safe? Never.
(She knows. Subconsciously, she knows. But she's not ready to accept it. Her desires are guiding her. The same desires that led her to kiss him, now lead her to continue. She's Persephone, and he's Hades. She's Eve, and he's the Serpent. He's the darkness, and she the thrillseeker. She wants to feel alive, without having to pay the price.)
(And he is more than willing to oblige. But not without warning her:)
Chancellor Silco: Best take care then.
Councilor Medarda: Am I in danger?
Chancellor Silco: Of succumbing? Time will tell.
Councilor Medarda: And trust?
Chancellor Silco: That, you must give willingly.
Councilor Medarda: Willingly, but with my eyes open.
Chancellor Silco: Always.
Councilor Medarda: Mine are presently growing heavy. I must retire.
Chancellor Silco: Schlaf gut.
Councilor Medarda: Not sweet dreams?
Chancellor Silco: Depends on where your imagination takes you.
Councilor Medarda: I'm starting to suspect you're a monster after all.
Chancellor Silco: Zaun has a surplus.
Councilor Medarda: And do they banish the darkness, or walk with it?
Chancellor Silco: That's not a question to ask in the dark, Mel.
Councilor Medarda: Am I forewarned?
Chancellor Silco: I'll let the darkness answer.
Councilor Medarda: Träum schön, First Chancellor.
Chancellor Silco: Pass gut auf dich auf, Councilor Medarda.
("Take good care." - i.e. "Look out for yourself.")
#arcane league of legends#arcane#arcane silco#silco#forward but never forget/xoxo#forward (never forget)/xoxo#arcane jinx#jinx#arcane mel#mel medarda#arcane ambessa#ambessa medarda#arcane jayce#jayce talis#arcane viktor#viktor#meljay#jayvik#melco#silco x mel#mel x jayce#DVD cut
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Hi, could you do the bachelor/ettes with an s/o that plays an instrument in the orchestra? (Violin, cello, viola, bass)
Btw love ur work, and I hope you are doing well <3
-🌙anon
Bachelor/ettes x Strings Orchestra Player
My knowledge on instruments and music in general is very limited. So, expect mistakes. Still, this seems like a really fun ask (and cello is a really cool instrument), so I'd be happy to do it! I'm not sure if you meant in an orchestra as in the reader is actually in one or just an instrument from one, but the former seems more fun. Thank you for your patience in getting this done. Thanks for the ask, 🌙!
Oh, and I don't know how much tickets cost but I'm imagining they're expensive okay? Please don't get mad at me.
Oh, and an important(ish) announcement! My @ask-sdv blog is back up and running, now with a new coat of paint (aka I updated it a bit)! You can go an check it out and send in an ask if you want (it even has a running timeline!). So far we're on day two, so not much is there yet, but it will be soon!
Bachelors:
Sam
Join his band, please. He'd love to have another musician playing. And what better musician than the person he cares about most? Listen, I'm not sure how conventional it'll be to have strings instruments in a rock band (if he's doing a rock band, anyway), but Sam wants to make it fun and experimental anyway. And I know you're in an orchestra, so that may be hard (and he understands!), but he just really wants you there. The two have jamming sessions all the time together and use what knowledge you have on the other's instruments to help yourselves improve.
Elliott
He's a big fan of the piano, being a classical-based pianist himself, so if you're playing something like violin or cello, he'd love to do a duet with you. I imagine on the nights when you're sick he likes to play a bit of piano to help you sleep, so he'd really appreciate if you'd do the same for him. Like Sam, he helps you practice. Pays a high fee to get the best seats when you play. Man is in crippling debt (probably still paying off his shack), but will put that all aside to see you shine. Not the best investment, but... Eh... It's worth it to him.
Sebastian
Also a piano player (well, keyboard). He's a little bit shy about his skills, so he's not as keen to play duets with you. But he'd love to listen to you do a solo! He's got an ear for mistakes and how to fix them, so he makes a great tutor. And he'll do it for free, too! Or maybe a plate of sashimi. But that's close enough.
He usually can't afford to get tickets for your show, and all the people make him really nervous - he's not very confident he'd look 'appropriate' there - but when he can and he'd feeling up to it he will try to go! He really does want to support you; he just needs some extra help anxiety-wise.
Harvey
Adores listening to you play. He's quite the jazz guy, so if you're into playing that stuff he'd just fall in love (if he hasn't already). I like to think he comes from a rich family, though they don't really associate anymore, so he's had the chance to learn an instrument or two in his time - though I think he'd go for saxophone or French horn. So, he remembers a few bits and pieces to help you out with if you need it. But honestly, he just prefers to listen, mistakes and all.
Like I said, he's not really associated with his family anymore, and he's living in a small town in the middle of nowhere, so money is very tight. He can't really afford to go to your shows, so sorry about that. But his dream is to meet you backstage after you finish and give you the biggest gift of support he can. He gets so flustered seeing you all dressed up for your shows like that and can't help but take as many photos as possible.
Shane
Doesn't know anything about music, to be honest. He's a punk or alternative rock guy with a bit of an interest in metal, so if you're a classical musician it's going to be quite the change for him. But don't worry, he's still willing to sit down and listen! He can't provide much help but will show you CDs/tapes he's found in your genre. If you like his taste in music, however, oh boy; he's so happy. Again, not sure how strings instruments fit into death metal, but we'll make do. And who knows, maybe it's very common (though I doubt it).
Like Sebastian, he's not really looking forward to going to your shows due to his anxiety. Yeah, he's getting help for it and may be medicated, but that doesn't mean it's an instant fix! Situations like these where he feels out of place or unworthy can really trigger his self-doubt, so it's harder to go. But he has been able to save up for those really expensive shows Jas wanted, so he's doing better than Seb money-wise.
Alex
This man listens to The Beach Boys, '60s/'70s hits, and SWING BABY! Listen, this man is living in the past, okay? Metal is the biggest shock to him. It's the equivalent to showing a Victorian child TikTok to him. Please be patient. Anyways, if you're willing to play that sort of stuff he loves it! Well, he loves strings instruments in general but still! He loves it.
As for seeing your shows, he hasn't got the money for it, and Yoba knows he isn't asking his granny or grandpa for some. You'd honestly have to just pay for him, which would make him feel really guilty (he'd make up for it, though). He's also a little nervous in a suit; I headcanon that a lot or at least some of his confidence is a cover-up. But that all goes away when he sees you up there.
Bachelorettes:
Penny
She enjoys listening to you play a lot. I think she'd like classical songs, 10 Hour Deep Sleep Rain Noise for Deep Sleeping videos, and Fernando by ABBA (plus the songs I have for her in my other post). As a child I imagine she'd wanted to learn viola, so meeting someone who plays that very instrument or at least something in the same family of it will make her heart soar. She loves just closing her eyes and listening to you play.
As for her shows, she could never get in on her own. Girlie is living in a trailer, and she doesn't even have a car to get herself there. You need to pay for her, end of story. And despite it happening all the time, she will still feel guilty about it. It's just how it goes with her. So, do not - I repeat, do not - make her feel even worse about it. She will cry (maybe, alone).
Leah
Artist x Artist of Different Medium? Let's go! I just love Leah so much and she's such a perfect partner you don't even understand. She'd be so supportive of you in your musical endeavors; always giving you encouragement and even doing a little bit of research so she can better provide constructive feedback! She also may or may not have designed a few album covers for your own music (if you make it).
Once her art business gets up and going, she finally has the money to buy tickets to the show (that is provided they don't sell out). She probably went to Haley and Emily for help in picking out the best dress for her to wear, and the two teased her over being so in love.
Abigail
Musician x Musician? Yes please! She's currently working her way through mastering two instruments, so she'd be happy to help you out with yours. She plays her flute while you play your strings instrument in a wonderful duet that has the whole town captivated. You two make your own songs together and maybe even have a little 'band' on the side of Sam's!
Abigail has some money on the side for her shows, but in general she might have to ask for some money from her parents. Despite them being pretty strict about what her interests are, they do give her the money because they trust her and you. Abigail doesn't really have the best dress to wear, so she rocks the place by stealing borrowing her father's old suit.
Maru
Maru likes pretty much any music, but if you want to know the specifics check out my post I made for it in the General Headcanons post (link in my pinned post). Anyway, she loves what you do. Maru's definitely recorded you playing to a tape that she's looped to play when she's working. Demetrius is getting a bit sick of it, but Robin finds it cute.
I feel like Maru doesn't get paid much for her work as a nurse at the clinic. It's not that Harvey doesn't want to, it's just he's barely keeping the business afloat and he literally can't pay Maru any more without crashing the clinic as a whole. Maru understands this, and so does her family, so it's no biggie having to ask for a little cash just this one time. They happily pay, and Maru gets to go to your orchestra while donning an absolutely amazing outfit curated by Emily.
Emily
Speaking of Emily, she's quite the fan. She prefers upbeat tunes she can dance to, but if you're more of a mellow or sad type she'll still listen. I feel like Emily would really like to come up with unique dances for each of your songs - dances that rarely fit the theme. But in her words, "it's about how the song makes you feel, not how it's supposed to look."
Emily and Haley are having the easiest time getting to see one of your shows. Their parents are rich, rich enough to go and get milk on a holiday, so it's no problem for them to leave some extra money for their daughters. Emily spends a lot of money and effort making the perfect dress for the night, and you can easily spot her from the crowd due to all the fancy colours and frills.
Haley
Haley isn't the biggest fan of any music that isn't pop, so she's not as excited to hear you play. But don't be fooled; because it's you she's listening to, she'll sit there and hear it through. She doesn't hate it by any means, it just doesn't really grab her attention. But she would love it if you were to do a cover of one of her favourite songs. Now that is something she could listen to for hours.
As for going to one of your shows, Haley's all down for it. As I said, money's no issue. She takes you, Emily, and herself on a shopping trip in Zuzu City to get the one and only best dress for the occasion, no matter the cost. She'll have the room for it too after she cleans out her wardrobe. At the show, she's kind of bored, but passionate enough about you to loudly shush anyone talking.
-~-~-
Hello! I am doing well, 🌙, thank you for asking. I hope you are doing well too! With my @ask-sdv blog now open for asks, I'd really love it if people took the time to send stuff in. And this time with all the free time I've got I'll be able to actually get to them on time, haha... Anyways, thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoyed!
#ieatsmallorphansnamedtom#sdv#stardew valley#sdv headcanons#stardew valley headcanons#sdv hcs#stardew valley hcs#sdv sam#stardew valley sam#sdv elliott#stardew valley elliott#sdv sebastian#stardew valley sebastian#sdv harvey#stardew valley harvey#sdv shane#stardew valley shane#sdv alex#stardew valley alex#sdv bachelors#stardew valley bachelors#sdv penny#stardew valley penny#sdv leah#stardew valley leah#sdv abigail#stardew valley abigail#sdv maru#stardew valley maru#sdv emily
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Tagging @choicesfandomappreciation for Spread Kindness Week! I unfortunately was on holiday while this was on, so I missed the week while it was happening. Still, I do want to put up some (belated and very well deserved) appreciation posts for folks whose writing, art, content or even just simple posts make me smile!
For Day 1, I want to shower some well-deserved praise for the fan community blogs that encourage content creators with their events, competitions and prompts, and who tirelessly work to present hundreds and thousands of creative works in their masterlists. As someone who runs a couple events of my own, I know how strenuous it is and it takes a massive amount of drive and patience to do it on a regular basis!
@choicesficwriterscreations - I know you've gone through a couple tough weeks this month, and I admire how sensitively and compassionately you tried to handle it. So much love to the hosts and I hope you guys go from strength to strength! @jerzwriter and @cfwcmod-lucy, love you!!
@choicesmonthlychallenge - LOVE all your monthly prompts even if I am so sluggish in getting them done! Kudos to every single individual who has run the separate blogs for each month...you're all amazing and I love how each day has three prompts to choose from. You all really spoil us for choice. Loads of love to all the individual hosts - @liaromancewriter, @lilyoffandoms, @lorirwritesfanfic, @lucy-268, @peonyblossom, @songsaboutgirls, @midnightmelodiz and of course the mod of this blog @lovealexhunt!! (Forgive me if I forgot anyone!!)
@choicespride - So much respect for all the events you hold, with such a variety of prompts 💜 Picture prompts, dialogue prompts, scene prompts...you name it, we'll find it. And all the weeks are so amazing!! Much love to @peonyblossom and @songsaboutgirls, once again!
@choicesflashfics - I can't help but be in awe of how you put out all these great dialogue prompts week after week! And all different and easy to incorporate into stories. I admire your drive and efficiency!
@choicesprompts - Love the variety of activities happening in this blog!! The rewrite challenges...the prompts...the round robins and collabs - I've never actually been confident enough to participate yet but I really love how you bring so many writers together!! Lots of love to @angelasscribbles and @dcbbw for this blog!
@choicesholidays - Again, this blog keeps track of so many holidays and tries to include them all, and I really admire that! They've done great work 🤗🤗🤗 Again, much love to @angelasscribbles!!
@moodmusicmonday - Love the way you encourage us to share the music that inspires us to write!!
@wordwarriors - An amazing community - we try to meet up every month to discuss aspects of writing and how to improve on it, as well as how we can make our own writing more interesting. I love this little community!!
And of course all the character and book appreciation weeks! @drake-walker-appreciation @maxwell-beaumont-appreciation, @tobias-carrick-appreciation-week - these are the only ones I recall seeing rn but if there are others do let me know!! Loads of love to @angelasscribbles, @karahalloway, @harleybeaumont! SO MUCH LOVE to my amazing co-host for all my character weeks too, @sazanes!!
My lovely Discord Gang!! I have such amazing discussions with them 💜💜💜 @cassiopeiacorvus, @thecapturedafrique and @mand-delemonde - love you all!!
Also to the people who send me such nice inbox messages including @peonierose and @lovealexhunt - I'm very poor at responding to them, but do know I appreciate what you're doing so much ❤️🥰❤️
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Many Moons Later Update!
Hey friends! Long time no talk!
I just want to apologize to start for the lack of updates during the past few months. There has been a lot going on in my personal life that has added some complications into progress on the project. The team has also had their own personal happenings going on, so we've all had to tone down the amount of work that has been putting. But rest assured, we are still working on this book!
As the main [and only] artist working on all of the assets, I wanted to provide some updates on some of the MC skins! To start, I came to the conclusion in April that I... well, hated most of the MC skins that I had initially made. So I have started going through and making newer and improved skins since the skill sets I've used have improved greatly since I started this project.
The only ones that have been completed at this time (as of yesterday actually!) are the femme!MC skins. And here's the updated ones below. The left is before and the right is after. The last three are the last 3 femme!MC skins that have not been previously shared.
And here they are! I'm much happier with the results of these femme!MC, and hope all of you are too. I want the quality of life while playing this game to be top notch, and this helps us get one step closer.
Please remember, the ask box is always open. I try to answer the questions as frequently as I can and I will be setting my attention on the project a lot more now that my motivation is making an appearance haha!
Thank you all so much for your support and patience with us! It really goes a long way and words cannot describe how much we appreciate it and all of the kindness.
#immortaldesiresfanproject#immortal desires#immortal desires fan project#immortaldesiresproject#IDFP update#pixelberry studios#choices stories you play#choices you play#playchoices
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Eddie Munson and shy unnamed oc (nickname sunflower) ( this can be read as an oc or reader story. Some of the personality is based on me, so it's more self indulgent, but can also be read as a reader story if wanted )
This is my first story and probably the only story I'm writing. I am very excited and nervous to share it with all of you! This is part 1 with Eddie's pov written by me, and part 2 will have reader/OC's pov written by @xchrissycunningham1986x .
Thank you so much to @xchrissycunningham1986x for helping me with this story! We wrote it together, and without her help and support this story would not have been posted. I don't have the confidence, patience, or creativity for writing, but she helped a lot so thank you so much! 💗 Also I would like to thank @goldenbrownanddistasteful for all of your kindness and support, you have also given the confidence for me to do this ❤️. And lastly thank you to all my lovely followers and mutuals who have given me the support and courage I need to try this even if it may not work out. Also the dividers I used are from @dreamlandcreations
Also since this is my first story, it is probably bad, and I'm fine with constructive comments about what I can do to improve, but if you are just here to hate, please just don't comment at all, I'm sensitive so please no hate.
Warnings: none, that I can think of, just bad writing by me 😂 but if there is any let me know
Thank you all, and hope you enjoy ❤️
Eddie's pov: It was the start of Friday. Eddie was asleep until his alarm clock went off early. Usually Eddie doesn't like getting up early, especially to go to school. But today was different. Today was a special day. It is 86 after all. Like he said this is his year. And he believes it too.
Eddie even got up before Wayne left for work. Which is unusual for him. So when Wayne got up and saw Eddie sitting at the counter eating breakfast he was confused. "What are you doing up so early boy? You usually don't get up until after I leave." "Well, today is a special day, I have to get to school early, oh, and I made you breakfast. Well it's just a bowl of cereal, but it's still breakfast."
"So, is it that girl you've been talking about?" Of course Wayne knew about Eddie's interest in y/n. He talks about her in almost every conversation. Even his friends in the hellfire club know about his crush, and would tease him about it all the time. (Much to Eddie's dislike)
"Yeah, it is." " Boy, you need to tell her how you feel, didn't you say she is shy?"
"Yeah, but she probably doesn't like me back, and I can't take the rejection. I know I clearly got my life together, and that would ruin it" ( he was clearly joking, about his life being put together, not about y/n not liking him back, because that would absolutely crush him.) Usually people don't make Eddie nervous, he stopped caring what others think about him a long time ago. They already think he's a freak, he knew that wasn't going to change. But you, you're different. You may be shy, but you are one of the only people that doesn't treat him that way. Whether it is a shy wave you give him in the hall, or the shy smile you give him in the class you share together. Which has made it his favorite class of the boring school day.
What Eddie doesn't know is Y/n feels the exact same way about him, but is just too shy to say anything about it. She also is scared of the rejection. It would totally break her heart.
Eddie did want to tell her how he felt, but he didn't know how. So he decided he would do it in a way that would make it easier for him. He asked her to come to the hellfire campaign he was planning, even though she didn't know how to play. He hoped she would say yes. And to his surprise she did say yes. That is why Eddie woke up early to start the school day, because he knew that it was going to be a great day.
When It was finally time for the hellfire meeting Eddie was nervous. He usually always gets there early to set everything up, but he got there even extra early because of his nerves about you being there. He doesn't know why he is so nervous, he is usually never nervous. But he knows how much he wants to impress y/n so that maybe she will like him back. That is his plan. Finally it's time. All the guys start arriving, and there is no sign of y/n. Eddie is starting to get worried. Is y/n not going to show up? It is 10 minutes past the time y/n was supposed to show up, and Eddie is about to give up on her even coming, maybe she doesn't care he thought. But then finally she came running into the room breathing heavily and almost tripping in the process.
"Hi... I'm so sorry I'm late. I hope I didn't miss too much?"
"No, no you didn't. Here, come join us."
Everyone else just stared at the interaction going on, Gareth even laughed quietly, but Eddie shot him a glare and he shut up quickly.
Eddie had told y/n that he needed a replacement, but it looks like most everyone is here. Also Eddie told you that you don't have to play, you can just watch, so now you wonder why he even invited you in the first place. Was this some kind of joke? You didn't think Eddie would do that, but you just can't figure out why he would even want you here. Maybe you should have not even shown up. I mean you were already late, he probably wouldn't have cared if you didn't show up at all. But she didn't know that could be further from the truth. He wanted her to be there. He would be really upset if she didn't show up. He would think that maybe you feel the same way everyone else feels about him. Maybe you would think he is a freak too. But you couldn't think of him that way, right?
Eddie was off the whole campaign, the whole group could tell. Dustin gave Eddie a look that said " you should just talk to her" Eddie nooded and decided he would talk to her after the campaign ends.
"Ok guys, I think we are done for today." Everyone started walking out, and y/n almost did too before she got stopped by Eddie.
"Hey, can we talk?"
"Uh, sure. What do you want to talk about? "
"I wanted to say thank you for coming to Hellfire today, I was starting to think maybe you wouldn't show."
"Yeah, I'm sorry about that. I was held up in class, and I was trying my best to get here as fast as I could. I'm so sorry I was late."
"Oh, it's fine. That's not all I wanted to say. I... I, nevermind this was a stupid idea. "
"What was a stupid idea?"
"I... Ok, I'll just say it. I like you. I mean I like like you, and I know you probably don't feel the same way. I mean who would like the freak?"
Y/n just stood there frozen. She didn't know what to do, she didn't know what to think.
"Yeah, I knew it. I'll just leave. "
"No! No, please don't go. I... Iike you too. I have for a while I've just been too scared to do it. You know, cause I'm shy, plus I didn't think you would like me back. She smiled back at him. But I guess I was wrong you do like me back."
They both leaned in, y/n shyly tucking her hair behind her ear.
"Can I kiss you?" Eddie asked.
"Yes, please." Y/n quietly answered.
And they did. They finally kissed, and it was amazing. They both felt the sparks from the kiss. It was a sweet kiss, and it was better than either of them could have imagined.
After the kiss was over y/n quietly spoke up. "You were my first kiss." She told him.
"Really? That was a great kiss for your first time. I mean..." Y/n chuckled. Now Eddie was the one to blush, he felt really proud to be her first kiss.
"I feel honored to be your first. I've been waiting to do that for a while."
"Really?" she asked
"Yeah, you are my sunflower. Would you maybe like to do that again?"
"Yes please."
And they did. And it was the best day for both Eddie and y/n. And Eddie was right. 86 is his year.
#eddie munson#strager things#eddie munson fluff#eddie munson x reader#eddie munson x shy oc#eddie munson x oc#eddie munson x shy!reader#eddie munson fanfiction
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While I like the ‘older siblings’ vibes, I feel like it would take the Glamrocks a various amount of time and interaction before the BAL!Boys are really accepted into the gang. And considering how reckless they swing around fully-grown humans, even Freddy’s wary of their incoming reintroduction to the extremely more fragile audience Sun and Moon would be preforming to. The bear is the only other one then Chica willing to give the boys a chance. Monty knows he’s being a hypocrite. A massive scaly hypocrite. But at least all his damage is relegated to easily (but annoying to) replaceable stuff (Like Bonnie). Humans aren’t. And certainly not kids. He may play monster, the rebel, the villain. Those clowns. That shambling thing of barely functioning code and bolts. It is one. And Roxy? She doesn’t need to access to the cameras to witness Y/N scrambling away from the ‘phantom’ stalking them across the catwalks. It’s a thin line the boys are balancing on. And if it not themselves breaking it, the ingrained desire in these new bots to protect children might be the final straw.
Aa! Sorry it took so long to get back to you on this!
That's an interesting take! And oh boy, I see what you mean but I wouldn't put Bonnie under 'replaceable' fjlkd
I think a second meeting would be after the boys had the whole crisis/realization of "Oh my god, YN is a human and a friend, and suddenly we realize that they're so fragile and we could have killed them! Theyre a person! We're a person-- people!"
YN, in classic YN self-preservation, would be like "no it's fine it's all in the past now we're friends : )))"
They had frank discussions with the boys before that. They're not excusing them, but it's been a slow buildup in private between the boys and them. They had to show the boys that they could be people before that realization could take place.
They'll suplex any animatronic who tries to tell their boys that they're monsters and undermine all the hard work that YN put into letting them discover their personhood and self-confidence fljkgd
(Here, have an old sketch of YN about to suplex an animatronic fjkdkljg)
TL;DR for the thing below: I accidentally made it all about masks, roles, and existential development again WHOOP! (Not sorry)
(thanks @lavenoon and @eyndr for helping me rubber duck this through and for your delicious thoughts fgjkldl)
See, I think it COULD work if instead of being played straight, Monty was being like. Low-key jealous?
As in "Why do THEY get to be cavalier about safety and property damage, but they still get to have a friend?!" But he doesn't want to face the fact that he's also seen as dangerous and 'monstrous', and should improve himself.
He's jealous that someone took a chance on them, betting their own safety. He's scared, because the boys did get put into storage for a WHILE before YN came along, and no one cared then. What if that happens to HIM? It'd only take one careless mistake. Is he lucky enough that someone would take a chance on him, too? Or would he go the way of Bonnie and Foxy?
(also I'm a sucker for misunderstood misfit who just needs some patience and kindness jdgjkl)
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Roxy plays the disdain card, but her thoughts are actually pretty close to Monty's. Except that hers are 'am I good enough? If I'm not the best great, will that happen to me? What'll be the final straw?
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I think, of all the reactions, Freddy's grates them the most. Keep in mind, the boys do feel awful about how they acted, even if that never actually ended with human deaths. Just. A lot of close calls and scares.
So that Freddy is so welcoming, so forgiving of them? It feels grating. It feels... Maybe not patronizing, but it feels like he's trying to excuse all the things they did and sweep it all under the rug. And the boys are like "No, actually it WAS fucked up of us! Sure, we were misguided and it wasn't like we were trying to hurt people with full understanding, but don't act as if we didn't do anything wrong!"
Y/N probably appreciates the bear making the effort to welcome and include the boys, though, and they thank Freddy in private.
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Like Luce pointed out to me, though -- Freddy is the Face. He's used to not making waves. To having to keep the peace and status quo.
He's probably terrified for Sun and Moon, because he's already lost two friends before. Two very old, very public friends, gone just like that. He thought the weird theater kid(s) were gone for a long time, too, and he just got them back, and they've grown into such different, more full and lively personalities -- so of course he's walking on eggshells! Management has already proven that they can be fickle and decommission an animatronic on what feels like a whim.
He doesn't want to see all this new life and potential lost, so he waves off the past 'issues' to focus on the present.
Meanwhile Sun and Moon are still in the moment where they're reeling from everything: personhood (theirs and others'), being distinct from each other, fragility of life, morality -- everything is so different, so new, so open and full of possibilities now! Everything they did, everything that happened -- it's kind of integral to their development and to their budding morality.
They need to have what happened acknowledged, not only because of that, but also because accountability is real different when you're suddenly more than a role you play. A role assigned to you.
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Chica is... She plays her role too well, ironically. She acts more happy-go-lucky and borderline ditzy than she is, and it makes it hard to read any deeper into her reactions. She gets treated like she's dumb, but overall she gets treated better if she acts dumb. She feels like if she can act happy enough, like everything's fine, maybe she can keep everyone together and healthy and safe. And if she breaks, it all breaks. She lost those friends, too...
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It feels like pre-incident-and-storage, the Glamrocks were pretty secure in their roles and personhood -- especially in comparison to the strange theater kid(s), who felt more like a character than a person sometimes. The Glamrocks are more popular, too. Then Sun and Moon exit stage left, for a while.
Post rehabilitation, with everything Y/N has helped them work through and learn and grow from, suddenly the Glamrocks feel... Flat? Character-like? Or maybe something like stuck -- stuck playing a role, stuck in their growth...
They lost two band members, who were replaced with the new kids (Monty and Roxy) who developed their own insecurities which... Aren't even really being addressed?
They look at Sun and Moon, and they see growth, progress, freedom to be their own people and make their own mistakes and choices.
They look at themselves, and they realize that the line they've allowed themselves between, for example, Glamrock Freddy Fazbear, beloved Freddy's Mega Pizzaplex Mascot and beloved character, and.. Just Freddy, some guy who's grieving the loss of two very old, very dear friends... They see the change, how happier and more... real the boys are, now, and they want that, too.
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Masks! Masks! It's all masks! it's all about seeing behind the roles and the masks fgkldgldkj
Thanks for the ask!!
#asks#anon#break a leg!au#You can barely tell I'm autistic and highly masking and only realized when it was pointed out loud and clear two months ago fljdgk
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hey everyone! just an important update for all of you. i am currently in therapy for my c-ptsd and i want you all to know that tonight, i did a reading for what i need to know.
i pulled Rainbow Waterfall for miracles, Spirit Guardian of Summer for expansion, and Dragonfly Spirit for change. altogether, these cards are reminding me it's okay to change my mind and be unpredictable. change activates youth. they're reminding me to take care of myself, because now is the time to work hard and play hard in an energetic season. they're also reminding me to remember miracles are everywhere, even in the small things.
there's so much happening in my life right now. my blog is garnering a bit of attention after months of attempting to figure out how to curate my experience and career. my social and love lives are blossoming. of course, self-care such as cooking, appointments and sleeping takes time as well.
this post is just to keep everyone updated and to be as transparent as possible. this blog is not going to dissipate into nothing. however i need to prioritise things i think.
for those of you after free readings, you're more than welcome to come to me still. you're more than welcome to try your hand and if i feel called to read for you in a quick fashion i will. you're more than welcome to wait and grant me patience as i try to manage all the requests. (and please do grant me patience and appropriate treatment.)
just know that to feel as if i am managing my time and energy wisely given my circumstances, i need to prioritise my own therapy sessions and the external work that i put into them, as well as the paid readings on my blog here.
i'm not saying i will refuse to do free readings. that option will remain available as long as i see it fit. however right now, i need to focus a lot on recovery and healing myself. i need to put work into deep shadow work and holistic self-acceptance. i need to work with my team (my therapist, my partner, my friends and maybe even acquaintances) to manage how i go about self-improvement in this abundant and exciting chapter in my life.
i hope you read this and either join me on my journey as i keep you all updated, or stay with me as i continue to blossom into a witch that can shine a light for you. i long to become a person capable of being a guide, my way, to as many people as possible, and it's with these adjustments that i believe i can do it with time.
thank you so much in advance for your understanding. i love you all. 🩵✨🍃
tl;dr: check my pinned for free base readings and prioritised paid readings. thank you for being here! 🫶🏽
#c ptsd#alice the witch#tarot#witchblr#witch community#pagan witch#witch#advice#poc witch#therapy#poc#brown#brown witch#lesbian#lesbian witch#aroace#aromantic#asexual#aroace witch#disabled#disabled witch#spoony#life blogging#free tarot readings#commission
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Hey! I hope it’s okay to ask you some questions about dentures? If not, feel free to ignore this
So, I have EDS, and my teeth are kinda shit. I brush regularly and all that but I still get new cavities all the time, and it’s expensive paying for them to be fixed. How did you decide that it was the right time for you to get dentures? I’m pretty sure I’m going to need them eventually, and I’m not sure if it’s the kind of thing I should put off as long as I can, or if I can go ahead and do it at a young age (23 rn) and get it over with.
What was the cost like for you?
You mentioned recovery being difficult—how long did it take?
Do you still have to worry about any dental health issues or is it pretty much fine to eat sugary foods and such now?
Unfortunately, my current dentist is committed to “saving” as many of my teeth as possible, so I haven’t been able to discuss this with her.
Thanks much <3
Hey this answer is long af. (Sorry it took me a few days it's been a very full week.)
The decision to get dentures, for me, was a matter of my ability to consume food. I had some medical neglect as a kid and a genetic predisposition towards bad teeth, and it fucking accordioned into a nightmare mouth situation. I spent years in pain from eating most things. Many of the roots in my mouth were exposed, I had constant infections and was sick all the time. I'm incredibly lucky that I didn't die, so many people die from untreated dental infections.
Ideally, it's better to wait as long as you can to get them, because pulling that many teeth does fuck up all the bone around it, and the jaw bone will compact down over time, impacting your mouth shape and bite strength, or something like that? It's better to wait, if possible. I was just about to turn 29, I think, when I got mine? I'm not sure- and that's young for full dentures, but it was (at that point) extremely necessary. If you can stay on top of filling cavities and such, it's really a lot better to hold onto your own teeth for as long as possible.
I'm really sorry, but I don't remember the cost- I know we had to get care credit and a loan from my (now former) in-laws, and I went to a dentist who specialized in low-income no-insurance situations and basically did the operation for me at cost, because they were worried if they didn't do it I was going to die, and I only went under local anesthetic instead of being knocked out. So it was relatively cheap? But this was around ten years ago and I honestly don't remember the numbers.
Full recovery took about six months, that's how long it takes your jaw to heal from being brutalized. I would say I could eat most things okay about 6 weeks in- you have to be careful and cut everything into little bites when your mouth is healing at first. And that means everything. Sandwiches, whatever. You're not supposed to bite into things until the incisions in your mouth heal. Stick to his as rigorously as you can. You also have to relearn how to bite into things. Also, you're going to bite your tongue a lot- your teeth have changed position and shape. It's kind of a lot, but in comparison to 'I can eat three soft things and my mouth hurts all the time forever', t'was a vast improvement.
I don't worry about my dental health issues, if any, because I don't have dental health insurance or teeth- I don't know if I need any per se, I just don't do it. The only stuff I can't eat because of my dentures is stuff that's real tacky- taffy, gum, chewy caramels. (I actually tend to suck on taffy or caramels rather than try to chew them.) I have not found a gum that works with dentures yet, even the ones that claim they will work. But they don't pull the dentures apart or anything, they're just a pain in the ass to chew and stick to the denture in difficult and awkward ways. (Also, I find puffy cheetohs obnoxious to eat with my dentures- they adhere in awkward ways.)
Hope these answers were helpful! Thank you for your patience in me getting back to you.
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greetings! i have made a thing! ✨️two✨️ things!
✨️ sketchboooooooooooks! ✨️
it took longer than anticipated (I've been trying to get this done since the end of last year, oops) but I finally finished putting these together today. all that's left to do is decorate the covers and start drawing in 'em!
they are slightly–moderately wonky and pretty clearly handmade, but I love them. gives em charm. these are only the second and third books I've made myself so I'm still learning.
if you're interested I'll drop a few more photos and babble a little about the process under the cut! (definitely not a tutorial if that's what you're hoping for lol i was winging it the whole time)
okay so we'll start with the little guy. this is meant to be more of a travel sketchbook.
I wanted something fairly small that I could take on the go without it being too much of a hassle, because I'm also hoping to get out more and like... go for walks to the park or the cemetery or w/e and try doing some studies and life drawing and such. or just get some fresh air and doodle while I make a valiant attempt to get some vitamin D.
THE PROCESS
both sketchbooks are made out of materials I just had lying around, but this one is even more "recycled" lmao
i took the inside pages from an old sketchbook, and about half of them had previously been used, so I went and erased my old sketches as much as I could (they were bad and low effort, so it's no loss I assure you) and that was a boring and frustrating endeavor but it was worth it because, well, I get to use the paper again! I did a very poor job the first time around, I almost never drew on both sides of the page and so many pages were just one shitty sketch and nothing else 🙈
i sorted the pages into signatures (tried to mix up the used and new paper because it'd annoy me if I had just like one big chunk of ghost drawings and then the rest of the book was good and clean lol) and stitched those together and then put just a couple layers of glue on the spine to hold it together.
I made the cover by gluing two pieces of thin cardboard together for each part (front cover, back cover, spine) to make em sturdier, and then I trimmed them down to size and glued the pieces to a paper shopping bag. I didn't have the patience to try flattening the cover under a heavy book or anything, so it's a little warped and will kind of open up on its own so I'm just using the binder clip to hold it closed. plus idk it looks cool!
once the cover was done and dry I just... glued it all together! added the end pages i cut out of construction paper to the.. chunk of book? the book brick? (is there a technical word for it when the signatures are all together....?) and then glued the other sides of the end pages to the inside covers.
now for the second book! the big boy!
this fella was intended to be the grand, improved follow-up to the first sketchbook I put together, and I started working on it right when said first book started running out of paper.
this one is the wonkier of the two but I think it's definitely a few steps up from the original, and I'm pleased with it. this is gonna be my everyday sketchbook, so I wanted it to have a ton of pages so I can use it for a good long while. I think it's at least twice as thick as my first sketchbook. 😂
THE PROCESS
...basically the same as the travel sketchbook, just bigger! the pages are sourced from a different sketchbook, one I started using in high school and promptly forgot about upon graduation.
fun fact: the end pages are covered in countless tiny little hatch lines that i drew by hand while I watched/listened to something on my computer. I don't quite remember what I was watching at this point, but it was almost certainly something from Starkid... probably VHSCC on repeat, since I did this part back in november/december. it might sound tedious but I shit you not I was thrilled to do this part and it was just a blissful neurodivergent turn the brain off and vibe kind of time.
the biggest difference in this process was doing the cover; it's not cardboard, it's some kind of particle board.. thing that was salvaged from the back of a busted picture frame. it is VERY stiff and sturdy and I did not cut the pieces out so much as score the board with my box cutter as deeply as I could, bend it back and forth, and pray it didn't break. 😅 the cover-cover is from the same bag I used on the smaller book!
most of the wonkiness comes from the fact that the cover is sliiiiiiiightly too small for the book brick inside. I had limited material for the cover so I couldn't stretch that at all, I made the cover as big as I possibly could, but I also did not feel like trimming the inside pages so that they would fit better because that would have taken FOREVER and also probably killed me. 😫 soooo the pages stick out a little bit, but that's fine and it doesn't bother me much. 🤷🏻♂️
and that's my two sketchbooks! finished em both up over 3 days after procrastinating for at least a month. and now that they exist I can finally draw again!!! been wanting to do that for WEEKS.
if you read all of this I hope you got something out of it, lol. whether you did or didnt, here's a skull for your troubles.
😊🤲🏻💀
enjoy!! <3
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火曜日 2023/9/27
皆、こんにちは！
Why does it actually take me so long to write this lmao. I started yesterday morning and it's the next days evening TT
(im posting this 10/11 sorry)
So today was my school's career fair. I didn't have to go because I'm a Japanese major but I still wanted to. I met with the FBI and CIA so that was really cool. I didn't even have any resumes to give them lmao. I'm not worried. I have it alllll planned out.
Let's continue where we left off yesterday
すぎる means too much of something and its a verb
So if i wanted to say I ate too much i could say 食べすぎました。you have your original verb in ます form but instead of ます、you put in the すぎる. And then すぎる conjugates as a normal verb does. You can also combine this with て form and た form and んです and so many other things wowza! Let's do some sentences
I ate too much pasta last night - 昨日の夜、パスタを食べすぎた。（すぎた is short past tense of すぎる but you already knew that)
I work out too hard yesterday - 昨日、運動しすぎた。
You must not study too much tonight. 今夜、勉強しすぎてはいけません。
Please dont smoke too much - タバコを吸いすぎないでください。 (i may be wrong with this one but it looks right) (let me know if it's wrong!)
Please dont worry too much - 心配（しんぱい）しすぎないでください。
Next, we used すぎる for adjectives. You only use すぎる for adjectives if its beyond normal or proper.
So, something like この本は高すぎます。”This book is too expensive” is correct. Something like
かわいすぎます。 “Too cute” is incorrect. You have to use とても or すごく to describe things in a higher regard.
You simply put the adj stem (without extra い or な) and add the すぎる. 練習しましょう
この町はにぎやかすぎる。
その家は小さすぎる。
あの授業はうるさすぎる。
この授業は難しすぎた。
妹はいじわるすぎる。ｗｗ
Pretty simple. Moving on….
I believe ～ので works the same as から except its more formal. (reason ので situation)
The reason part of a ～ので sentence usually is in a short form. For example,
話す＞話すので、～～～
食べない＞食べないので、～～～
登る＞登らなかったので、～～～
テストがあったので、～～～
Let's do some sentences:
授業をサボらないので、いい成績（せいせき）がある。
水を飲むので、頭が痛（い）たくない。
いつも日本語で話すので、日本語が上手になった。
宿題がたくさんあったので、昨日の夜、寝なかった。
For い and な adjectives,
You keep the い and add ので
But for な adjectives/nouns, you keep/add the な
いじわるなので、～～～
日曜日なので、～～～
Yesterday in my practical writing and speaking we practiced humble forms.
Here is what we learned
食べる、飲む＞いただく
来る＞まいる
する＞いたす
いる＞おる
ある＞ござる
言う＞もうす
あちらだ＞あちらでござる
More words to memorize….yay….
We then practiced introducing ourselves. (we had to make up some things)
スザンナ・ジョンソンと申します。オルバニーの図書館からまいりました。RITしてんで働いております。よろしくお願いいたします。pretty cool.
次
お／ご+verb stem+します
So this basically makes something more polite/formal/humble
You use お for a normal verb but ご for する verbs. For example,
持つ＞お持ちます
連絡（れんらく）する＞ご連絡（れんらく）します。
送る（おくる）＞ お送ります
掃除する（そうじする）＞ ご掃除します
It's pretty straight forward
I hate to cut it short but I wanted to at least post something for you all. There is still a bit left to cover but that will be for next time.
Thank you all for your patience with me. I will try harder to improve my time management so I can't post for you all (genshin has me in a grip rn. Who is your fav character?? Mine is yanfei and beidou <3)
今日の歌はTatsuya Kitani - 「青のすみか」です。
Notice any errors? Lmk!! I always want to fix my mistakes so I can learn better. ありがとう！
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commissions open (+general life update)
This is a bit more rushed than I wanted it to be, but life decided to throw everything at me at once so I'm a little backed into a corner. Anyway, TLDR: I'm taking commissions again! There's no slot limit this time (unless y'all get crazy on me lol), but there are restrictions, so please read my updated commissions info page carefully before requesting. I'll try to put something a little prettier together when I have a minute to breathe. Also since paypal screwed me over I've had to move to Cash App. More info if you follow the link.
In addition, coffee shot requests are still open (and free!) so definitely feel free to send those in as well. It just may take me a bit to get to them. I'm scrambling a little, but I'll get caught up one day!
For those who wanna know all the things:
The good news is, I've finished moving into my new place! The bad news is, my car started acting up right as I was getting everything finalized, so all of my savings has gone into 1) paying double rent to give myself the month to get out of the old place and 2) paying for this expensive car repair (and that's only the first half of it - I have more to do next month).
I'm excited to be in this new environment that is a significant improvement over the old one (it's a lot quieter here so I'm able to hunker down and focus on writing a lot more, as well as being able to finally start getting caught up on all this anime I've fallen behind on), though I admit I have been very overwhelmed by the amount of things that I have but don't need anymore, so I've now got to start the process of unpacking/sorting through/donating things. Also I'm still working full time and have not had much time to myself due to all the chaos. And, as I mentioned, I've depleting my savings making this big life change.
Good news number two is my workplace underwent a management change due to so many people wanting to quit under our old boss, so we have a new one and they're a LOT better! So at least I'm not having to stress about that at this time anymore.
Overall I'd say things are definitely looking up, so I'm feeling good about life except for my financial situation. And on that note, I appreciate all the help I can get, but please don't feel pressured. This is my mess and I'll get myself out of it somehow. But I've been wanting to get back into writing regularly here again for a while, and thinking about opening commissions even before all of this went down in the last couple of weeks. I'll continue to share with everyone, regardless of if you're supporting me financially or not. I have a couple of fics already written that I plan to share soon, so you'll not be without content even if I don't get comms. Your moral support is just as needed and appreciated, trust me. <3
I think that's all I've got for now. Thank you again for all of your support, patience, kind messages, and general care/interest about my life outside of the writing. You're the reason I decided to stick around, so thank you. <3
#nym's thoughts#update#commissions open#life update#life is chaos#but i'm hanging on somehow#thank you for your support
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Tracer, “I heard you scream. Nightmares again?”
I think I'm actually pleased with this!! Thank you for all of your patience. 2800ish words.
A high, metallic clang of an instrument being set down on a tray. Moira didn’t take much care with her tools, and it was aggravating. She glanced over to her left, the carelessly dropped scissors askew, launching itself into the forceps next to it, which were tumbling over the syringe, which still had a used needle in it. Pharah had half a mind to pick herself up off the table and straighten things, but she didn’t even see a sharps container in the room.
Also, there was the overwhelming dizziness and pain, but none of that distracted her from the fact that there should be a sharps container.
Her shoulder reminded her rudely of its presence, and the fact that several new sensors had been bored into it, while others had been removed with an efficiency that Pharah felt certain did not fit medical standards. She took a deep, slow breath and closed her eyes, trying to keep herself from crying out. She wasn’t about to give the satisfaction of her agony to a woman who couldn’t even manage to keep her sutures organized by size.
“Awake. Lovely.”
Pharah turned her head to the voice, the tall, lanky redhead sharp as knife and bone leaning over Tracer a few feet from her. She smiled as Tracer blinked hazily, rolling over on her side, catching her breath after she did so. Moira’s low laugh covered the room like fog as she pushed at Tracer’s shoulder, flopping her back onto her back and twisting one of the wires embedded in her flesh. Her body responded with a violent twitch, but Tracer said nothing, only bit her lip.
Three days. It was the third day. It was likely early afternoon. Pharah had been trying to keep track of these things, depending on Moira’s torture schedule to keep the calendar in her mind. She called it experimentation, but people could call things whatever they wanted, and it didn’t change the facts of what it was. It was meant to hurt them. Particularly Pharah, who Moira found so uninteresting that she nearly let Reaper put a bullet in her head and send the body to the door of Overwatch headquarters. Her bionic arm was Winston’s technology, which she’d seen before, and though it was excellent work, she conceded, especially for a monkey--that was the first time Tracer had let out a cascade of creatively worded insults, some of which actually seemed to bother Moira, let it never be said that Tracer did not have a unique set of talents--McCree had similar work done, and it was only an improvement on that model. Pharah was not a talker, and was uninteresting, and there was little need for her.
It was Reaper who had suggested that more could be done with her. That if she wouldn’t break for her own sake, she might for Tracer’s.
It echoed through Pharah’s mind now, the look Tracer had shot her, the growl of her voice.
“Whatever she does to me, you shut up.”
It was the first time Pharah had simply taken a direct order from her equivalent officer.
“I am impressed, you know,” Moira brought Pharah back to the present moment, “never thought I’d say that, sure. But you, you can take so much for such a little thing. You should have died by now. All the others I’ve tried to make have, but not you. Like taking out a brain stem,” She stroked Tracer’s hair with her long fingernails and ran them down to the back of her head, “And still breathing. Exceptional. I’ll be sure to send a letter to your family.”
Tracer twisted and bit at her hand, but she was too slow, and Moira yanked it back, still smiling. She gave a small yank at the wire in the back of Tracer’s head, and her whole body spasmed violently.
“Stop.” She hadn’t realized she’d said anything until she heard her own voice bounce off the walls.
Three days. Tracer was strong. She was resilient. Pharah was continually satisfied and even a little pleased at Tracer’s determination and inner will. Not quite satisfied enough to overlook the state of her desk, but her tenacity and ability to bear up were unparalleled. No one else could have survived these three days, and she would make sure to tell Tracer so when they had been rescued.
But even Tracer had her limits, and last night she had confessed to Pharah that she was meeting them. For the first time, lying against Pharah’s shoulder, the one that wasn’t hamburger, she expressed calmly that she expected to die here. So rescue needed to hurry itself along. Dva would need to be taught how to assemble a party more quickly, when they were saved.
The clicking of boots on tile brought her eyes back up to Moira standing over her.
“Oh, you want me to stop, do you now?” She shook her head and tutted. “Did no one ever teach you to say please?”
Moira reached toward the dial by the table, but a thump interrupted her, and both she and Pharah turned their attention. Tracer had whirled up onto her stomach, her hair sticking out at every angle, huffing painfully, one eye bright red with blood.
“You lazy fucking cow.” Tracer balled her fists and took a deep breath. “No, not lazy, right? Stupid. That’s why you’ve ‘ad to bang off with Ang’s work since she was a teenager, greatest Irish scientist, fuck, not so long as little Seamus is faffing about with a bicarb soda volcano, which at least ‘e made ‘imself.”
Moira sighed, but there was a twitch of irritation at her eyebrow.
“Lena. Don’t.” Pharah tried to catch her eye, tried to make her stop, but her voice was too weak from the pain and exhaustion, and Tracer was too much the terrier, nipping at Moira bit by bit, ignoring every ounce of wisdom or any pang of suffering.
“Bloody thief, is all you are.”
Moira looked over at her. “I am a better doctor, a greater scientist, than superstitious little Zeigler could ever dream. She is limited.”
Tracer barked out a laugh, and Pharah felt the overwhelming urge to launch across the roof and slap a hand over her mouth, if only she could move.
“Right, love, and I’m in Burke’s. Go ahead, pull the other one.”
Moira took a step toward Tracer, and Pharah willed every ounce of strength through her body.
“Leave her alone!”
It wasn’t much, but it was a shout of some kind, and Moira’s head whirled back around toward Pharah. But Tracer, strong, determined, terrier Tracer, was having none of it.
“Fuck off, Fareeha, this is between me and Moira, it is.”
“Oh, don’t you worry now, my little Cockney sparrow. You will die, soon enough.”
“Oh sure!” Tracer chuffed and gave a chuckle. “You want me to ask Ang to do it for you? At least send you ‘er notes? For old times’ sake?”
Moira prickled and strode toward her.
Pharah wanted to yell out at Tracer to shut her mouth for once in her miserable, irritating life, that she was doing too well and was too weak for this, that they had to bide their time and wait for rescue, and if she needed to beg, she should beg. What about Emily? She wanted to shout. You can’t widow her before you’ve married her. Stop going for the soft spots, stop aggravating her so well, stop trying to be funny and clever and making her the butt of the joke. Stop--
Screaming. Tracer was screaming. Screaming like Pharah had never heard, like it was being ripped out of her throat, screaming so loud that it was filling the room, all the air going out of it, suffocating her as everything was replaced by that scream--
“Fareeha.”
--and it went on and on, broken only by an occasional sob, scream and sob like a cruel Morse code, a message for Pharah to bring home--
“Fareeha.”
--when she delivered what would certainly be Tracer’s body back to her family, back to Emily, all of them looking at Pharah and knowing that she had failed to protect her, that she had let Tracer die screaming--
“Come on, love.”
--the scream kept going, even as Tracer’s voice was growing husky, and a thought came like a prayer came like a curse came like a plea. Please die please die please die please die please die please--
“Fareeha!” Someone was shaking her, and her eyes opened to find herself staring into the bright brown eyes of the human being she had so recently wished death upon.
“I?” The words mixed up in Pharah’s head, and she looked around. A hotel room?
“We’re in Munich.” Tracer spoke gently, her hand on Pharah’s forearm as she sat at the edge of the bed. “We’re ‘ere to meet with Zaryanova and her crew, right? It’s October 11th. Deep breath, Fareeha, it’s all right, love, just in an ‘otel room in Munich. Worst thing that can ‘appen ‘ere is bad German food.”
Pharah blinked in the dim light of the lamp. “You’re English.”
Tracer shrugged and nodded. “I mean, yeah, as long as we’re grounding you with facts, I am. Born in London. In a tube station, actually, thought of course it wasn’t quite that at the time and--”
“I mean it as, what can you say about food?” Pharah felt the color come back to her face as she slowed her breathing.
Tracer giggled. “All right, noted comedienne, pick on the Brits, what the ‘ell, we’re easy targets.” She stopped and gave a little smile. “Eard you scream. Nightmares again?”
Pharah gave a noncommittal shake of her head. “Nothing.”
“Right, I know when I,” she placed a hand on her chest, “am screaming, sweating through the sheets, and crying in me sleep, it’s generally just out of boredom.”
“I am not--” she wiped at her face, and felt the saltwater there. “Hm.”
“Hm indeed.” Tracer got up off the edge of the bed and walked over to the covered window, peeking out from the curtains at the rainy fall night. “Not to make an insane suggestion, love, as I am so very likely to do, but ‘ave you ever considered talking to someone?”
“I apologize for waking you.”
“So that’s a no, then,” she turned away from the window, “and why? For what? Ain’t no medal for best nightmare ‘aver, love, and if there was, little children would be beating you out, as they’re much more creative than some memory of an Irish prat trying to pull the wings off us like flies. God, I’m so bloody ‘appy I shot her in the ‘ead. Proper chuffed.”
“Come sit.” Pharah felt at the shoulder where she attached her arm, and how it still ached, more than a year later.
Tracer, for once, did as she was told and came to sit at the end of the bed, looking at Pharah expectantly.
“I--” She took a deep breath. “This is--is hard, for me. I am not the sort of person, who, who speaks of these things. It is not done. When you are an Amari.”
“Would you like to be an Oxton, then?” She grinned. “Always up for a new applicant. And we never stop talking, to ‘ear the RAF tell it. Fareeha Oxton ‘as a lovely ring to it. Probably ‘ave to get a pilot’s license though, don’t know if you’re up for the bother. Might as well be a Zeigler, then. You ever think about ‘ow your name, and Ang’s, make it A to Zed? I sometimes think about that--”
“Lena.” She stared, silent.
“Right, right, sorry.”
“No, that was--strangely comforting.” She sighed. “You remember how we were taken, how Moira…had us?”
“Try not to,” Tracer tossed up her hands, “but I do ‘ave some recollection of the event, yeah.”
“It weighs on me. I never imagined myself the type. I have never been the type.” With each beat, she nodded her head, as if punctuating the sentence, staring at the paisley whorls of the comforter, “I lost my arm, and it was difficult. But the memory of the event itself never…jarred me. I have fought in many combat missions. I have remained even, and calm. But this--this weighs on me.”
She stopped, running her hand across the comforter for a few moments.
Tracer drew her legs up onto the bed and crossed them. “We was tortured for three days, Fareeha. I’s in a coma for three more after that. I think you’re allowed a bit of weight.”
“It…embarrasses me. I have woken Angela. I heard a baby cry, in the store, and my heart began to race. Someone dropped their keys on the metal table in the security line, and I suddenly--I could not take one breath.” She shook her head. “I have become like a frightened child.I plan my day, trying to avoid things that make me think of it. But sometimes they are so different. What happens one day, does not, the next. It humiliates me. I am--I am afraid, all this time later. Moira is dead. Reaper is dead. No one can harm me. And still.” She looked up at Tracer and drew her shoulders back. “I have told no one this. I have hidden it.”
“I ‘ate to tell you, I ‘ave noticed. Takes one to know one, all that.”
“You survived despite everything. You can carry that you lived, when Moira wanted you dead. You can say you came back. You fought for London, even. You recovered in body and mind, and I was hurt less, and I am screaming in a,” she waved her hand, “Hilton in Munich.”
“S’an ‘oliday Inn, love,” Tracer was lying back on the foot of the bed now, staring at the ceiling and ruffling her hair, “You think we ‘ave ‘ilton money?”
Pharah smiled, barely. “I wanted to tell you. I have wanted to tell you.”
Tracer let out a long sigh. “Fareeha--I--God, it isn’t easy, is it? To let someone know you’re a bit worse off than they thought? I…you see…” she shook her head and sat back up with a quick single motion. “What I mean to say is, can’t ‘ave been easy for you to tell me. Thank you for trusting me. Please talk to someone.”
Pharah’s eyes shot directly into Tracer’s. “What do you think this is?”
“Please talk to someone who ‘as gotten a degree in talking to people. PTSD is really treatable, love, and even if there’s always an edge of it, and sometimes there is, it can be much easier--”
Pharah laid back on the pillow. “I would not necessarily say I have PTSD.”
Tracer rolled her eyes. “You know what? Doesn’t actually matter. Call it whatever you like, call it “Post Roughness Amari Toughness” or something, but there are things that can ‘elp. I’ve been trying to ‘elp you, but you have to, you know, sort of engage with the fact that there’s a problem.”
Pharah laid on the bed, tugging at the neck of her shirt and smoothing her hair.
“I won’t tell no one, Fareeha. It’ll be just me that knows. You can go on pretending nothing bloody ‘appened to you, nothing affected you, because you’re Fareeha Bleeding Amari. Secret’s safe with me. Give you the number to me therapist, even. No one ‘as to know.”
“Thank you.”
Quiet reigned, only the little sounds of the bed as Tracer rocked and bounced slightly. After a few moments, she rose to her feet and nodded.
“Come if you need me.” She turned to walk back through the adjoining door to her room, and Pharah rolled on her side.
“Tracer.” She stopped and looked back at Pharah. “I apologize.”
“Oh, this?” Tracer smiled and her shoulders twitched up happily, “Nothing at all love! Done it for me a time or two, right? That’s what friends is about, innit? And you ARE me friend, whether you like it or not, so best just be accepting it, after all this time.”
“I apologize,” she swallowed, “for failing you. I let you,” she felt a tingle in her eyes, and took a breath, “I did not protect you. I let her--hurt you. Badly, I know, though you recovered well.”
“Debatable, innit? To hear me family tell it.” Tracer walked back toward the bed. “Though Parvati says I’ve always been this daft” She sat down next to Pharah. “Never asked you to, love. Never expected you to. Not your job.”
“I am--supposed to--” she bit the inside of her cheek, “I am the commander. Everyone is my--my duty.”
“Love,” Tracer cupped her face, and Pharah looked up, a tear traitorously breaking away, “as I’ve been saying for years, you don’t outrank me. Someday you will remember that.”
Tracer wrapped her arms tightly around Pharah, holding her fast in a refusal to let her feel anything else. Pharah curled her arm around Tracer’s back, and buried her face in her shoulder, simply letting herself accept the comfort like the tiny child she felt.
Tomorrow, the rain would freeze, but tonight, it was simply too warm.
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𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐑𝐎𝐃𝐔𝐂𝐈𝐍𝐆 .. 𝐆𝐎 𝐇𝐀𝐍𝐁𝐈𝐍 !
hi everyone! i go by SAWYER (any pronouns he/she/they) and after eyeing lgc for quite some months .. i've decided to take the leap and finally join ! i'm super excited to be here with this muse i've had in my head for a while now ! i see all your messages in my ims and i'll get back to you all as soon as i can. ♡
the quickest way to get to know this must is probably though his STATS PAGE, but i'll try to put a few quick facts under the read more and some connection ideas to help get things started.
just a quick note; i'm still getting my bearings and am not yet sure what events are going on and what he can participate in, so a little guidance would be super appreciated ! i also just want to give everyone a heads up that this blog is stuck on the new post editor since it's a new blog, so cutting posts might be difficult with me for a while. i'm still figuring it out. so i appreciate your patience with me in the meantime !
𝐌𝐄𝐄𝐓 𝐇𝐀𝐍𝐁𝐈𝐍 !
the son of a b-list actor and a first generation idol who had a very short-lived career, hanbin has been called every alternative name for a nepotism baby that there is. despite neither of his parents being especially successful in their respective careers, he's been the target of bullying and scrutiny of his peers for most of his life.
a bit of a tumultuous past, hanbin was born in korea, but spent most of his schooling years in los angeles, california where he went by the name benjamin "ben" go. he moved back to seoul near the beginning of high school and typically prefers to be called hanbin rather than his chosen english name.
he's a rather soft spoken sort of kid, a bit insecure due to the cruel nature of previous classmates and peers. he would very much like to be responsible for his own name and reputation, but somehow he still lingers in the shadow of his parents' names. a very hard worker in lessons and wants desperately to be liked by his peers.
signed to lgc ent. in january 2020, so just going on his third year with the company. he's probably a bit antsy to see what becomes of his career, if he'll find more success or follow down the same mediocre path as his family members. he's trying very hard to be patient, but i think he is struggling with doubts if he'll ever see the stage.
𝐏𝐋𝐎𝐓𝐒 & 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒 !
while i don't imagine that his parents are especially popular —certainly not his mother— i do think it might be fun to have a muse who's familiar with their work, possibly inspired by them ?? a fan who thinks that they deserved better than where their careers have gone?
i'm a very big fan of negative relationships; if anyone has a muse who would resent him for being "born into" the entertainment industry, who would call him a nepotism baby to his face or otherwise act like he shouldn't be here without the connections his family has. perhaps it could turn into enemies to lovers ??
other trainees signed in january 2020 ?? better if your muse has already debuted; hanbin will undoubtedly compare his own career to your muse's and agonize over why he's not good enough yet. friendly rivalries can be fun as well — friends who push one another to improve in various ways. i believe hanbin has a competitive nature that could be awoken with the right motivation !
i love love and writing romantic interactions ! give me all sorts of different lovey plots ! unrequited crushes ( either on hanbin's side or your muse's side ), puppy love, exes, almosts, yearning and pining, whatever ! i'm not 100% certain of my muse's sexuality yet —and hanbin himself might not be 100% certain himself !— so i'm open to discussion and a little self discovery with my muse.
hanbin's sister is currently an npc with minimal development. if anyone is looking for a second or third muse, i would love to see her in the directory too someday ! that said, i think trusting people with a family connection is scarier than trusting people with a ship, so i'm looking for great co-writing chemistry ooc with anyone who's interested in picking up this connection someday !
other, less closely related family members i'm less picky about ! if anyone's muse's story fits a plot for cousins or other distant relatives, let's talk !
i'll add more ideas to this post as they come to me, but this is all i have for now. i'm looking forward to meeting everyone and getting this boy involved !
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