#i'm having a horrible terrible no good very bad day but at least there are wonderful people in this world that make things easier | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

kaonarvna · 6 months

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Every now and again, I remember that my disability (EDS) isn't invisible, actually. People are just uncomfortable when they can see it. People don't want to see it. People like to ignore it. Other people just stare at it, and don't even look at me. All they see is a pile of bones and fascia and something to pity.

I've worn a shoulder brace the past week, because it subluxed horribly a week or so ago. Still healing. Visible.

I always have compression sleeves on my arms, full coverage. Bicep to wrist. Visible.

I have soft braces and compression kit for every joint imaginable. Visible.

I'm covered in KT tape. I've worn it on my goddamn face after a jaw sublux, for that little extra support and proprioception help. Tape. On the face. Very visible.

The people I've worked with for years are used to it by now, the good ones, at least. They don't remark when I take a minute to stretch. They know I'll say something if I'm not okay. They know I'm in a constant state of variable dysfunction. They've seen enough, they're used to it.

But then there's people who aren't used to it. People who see me stretch on the ground, watch in discomfort, then they ask someone else if I'm okay. I can hear them quietly mutter it to other staff. I hear them go, "oh, he does that". I can see their discomfort with me (just existing as I need to exist). I can see the discomfort in these new people who aren't accustomed to bodies with slightly different needs, and it's a visceral reminder of being "other". I wonder, how terrible and scary and different I must be, for them to not even have the fortitude to ask me themselves.

And then there are the new people who see it and ask too many questions. The ones who go "but you're so young!" as though my connective tissue has a concept of social expectations for people under (arbitrary age). They go "but you look great!" as though I'm not covered in bruises and held together by tape (nevermind the implication that the disabled must look "bad"). They go "but you never call in!" as though I'm not often two seconds away from doing so, before the fear of losing my job sets in.

...and these are the ones who seem to wish not to see it the most. The ones who ask questions like I should be on display, and as soon as the conversation ends, so does my disability. They'll ask the same questions the next time, and the next time, and the next. It always ends with statements of pity, or something pity-adjacent. If I'm "lucky", they might even make an inappropriate comment about how I shouldn't be working, or sex must be "interesting", or act like I'm some eldritch horror that shouldn't exist.

And I'm reminded of the training I was once made to sit though. A ninety minute training, where you sit and watch the PowerPoint for ninety minutes in a too-small plastic chair, while someone reads the PowerPoint. The presenter started with a cute little "haha I know it's long, feel free to get up and walk around, or stretch".

I did.

I got up, walked myself to the side well out of the way of the tight chair lines, and laid down to stretch (a good spinal twist, loosen things up).

And she stopped the presentation.

She asked if there were any first-aiders present.

She was going to keep going on and on, until I heard someone say, "oh, he's fine, he does that." and a few "that's just (name), he does that". She started apologising profusely, waffling about how she thought there must have been a medical emergency, how people don't usually get up. She seemed baffled by the mere concept that someone would actually need to get up, and couldn't sit for ages. Her statement was entirely performative and insincere.

Today, after the day was effectively done, I laid down on the clean, carpeted floor in my classroom to just...be horizontal for a moment. Find some way, any way, to get my lower back to move and function and not feel like it was being clawed apart from the inside. Relieve myself a little, so I could finish the day without abject misery. And this very-new member of staff sat on the other side of the room, presumably watching me. When I got up, she asked very quietly, "Is something wrong with you?" and all I had the energy to say was "I'm fine". I'm tired of explaining my body. I'm tired of explaining my needs. I'm tired of justifying taking care of myself.

Someone recently told me "You're very brave. I think I'd rather die than live like you."

I didn't respond. I didn't have the energy to break down that she'd effectively told me I should die. I didn't have the energy to tell her that it's not bravery to live "like this".

It's my only option.

I know nothing else.

And I'm just tired. And hurting.

I'm grateful for the few good ones, the ones that are used to it. The people who have stopped asking me if I'm okay when I stretch, or need a little break, or get out the tape and scissors.

They know I'm not okay. That's why I'm on the ground. That's why I'm checking my range of motion, or feeling a joint, or holding pressure on a digit that's come undone. I'm not okay, and I'm trying not to get even worse.

I'm not okay, actually. I'm never okay, and that's fine. I'll never be your version of "okay", and that's fine. I've no choice. Thank you for knowing that I'm not okay, but that that's normal, and that if something was seriously, horribly wrong, I'd do something. Thank you, for just going about your business and talking to me as normal when I'm taking care of myself, instead of sprinkling eggshells on the ground for your own personal crunching.

I'm just tired. I'm visibly disabled if you look for ten goddamn seconds. I'm a person if you look for twenty. I'm a fetish if you just keep staring and staring and asking about my body like you're entitled to my flesh. I just want to sleep for more than two hours without my body waking itself up to remind me it hurts. I'm so tired.

#hypermobile ehlers danlos #ehlers danlos syndrome #ehlers danlos zebra #chronic pain #chronic illness #chronically ill #chronic fatigue #spoon theory #spoonie #vent post #vent #invisible disability #Heds #Eds #knv writing

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theaceace · 6 months

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While Dream was hanging out in the fishbowl, a few dreams and nightmares that (like the rest of the Dreaming) think Hob would be the best thing to happen to Dream in a long time and also that Dream has abandoned them all, go and start bothering Hob in the waking world

But because they're dreams and nightmares, it kind of manifests as (usually awful) hallucinations. Specifically of Dream, a lot of the time (look they're trying to get their lord's attention by needling his human, yes it's stupid, no they don't have any better ideas)

And Hob, with the same attitude that's carried him through 600-odd years is like 'well I guess immortal life is already so goddamn weird this might as well happen' and just rolls with the fact that he is having hallucinations now. Learns some coping mechanisms, gets really good at not reacting to them even when horrible terrible things are happening

So when Dream finally does get back and goes to see Hob, he's just like oh cool I'm seeing things again, thought I got over that like ten years ago, ah well got a lecture to finish, better get on with it and barely even glances at Dream

Dream, of course, reacts to this like 🥺 like the sad wet cat he is, but also maybe this is a bad time. His friend is shaping young minds, he's very important and busy, Dream can come back later

So he pops back into Hob's life that evening when most people are, if not asleep, then at least at home. Hob's in the New Inn (of course) but it's quiet enough that Dream thinks maybe Hob will talk to him this time

Absolutely nothing. Like sitting across from a brick wall (and because Dream tends not to be noticed if he wants, and he very much doesn't want to be perceived while he begs forgiveness from a mortal, people's eyes just kind of skim over him, which isn't helping with Hob's assumption that he's a figment of Hob's imagination)

Dream is feeling very, very cold. None of the gentle things he's been saying to Hob have got anymore reaction than his hand tightening slightly around his marking pen (Hob is waiting for something horrible to happen, as it so often used to when he imagined his stranger, and is getting more and more tense the longer it doesn't)

Eventually they're the only ones left, even the bar staff have gone home because it's Hob's pub and he has a set of keys. So finally, FINALLY Hob looks up and is like 'oh, you're still here. We're still doing this, then' flatly

Dream: I thought I might - (he was going to say apologise) Hob: yes alright get on with it, the sooner you start the sooner you can piss off again (thinking this is a vision here to torment him) Dream: ...very well. I understand, and you need not worry, I shall not trouble you further. Only, let me ask, one final time: do you still wish to live? Hob: (well it's never gone down like this before, at least I'm getting some variety in my waking nightmares) what sort of bloody stupid question is that, obviously yes! Dream: I am. Pleased to hear that. Goodbye, Robert Gadling

So off he goes, leaving a bottle of wine that he pinched out of someone's dreams on the table. Hob scoffs, rolls his eyes and goes to bed

And panics the next day when one of the bar staff asks where the super fancy wine came from, and also who his friend was last night, didn't get a good look at him, but I don't think I've seen him before?

There Hob is. Screaming internally, because he's only gone and fucked it all up and now he's NEVER going to see his friend again

(obviously he does, probably because one of the nightmares finally confesses what they did to Lucienne, who tells Matthew, who speaks both fluent Dumb Human and Dramatic Fucker Dreamlord and manages to get the two of them in the same room long enough to talk it out)

#Dreamling #Hob Gadling #dream of the endless #On today's episode of 'fics I have so vividly in my head and Simply Cannot Put To Paper'#Have some angst. On the house

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dollymaniac · 11 months

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︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶ Sick ︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶

Pairing: Leon Kennedy x GN!reader.

Summary: You got sick, like a really bad flu; Leon comes in to be your caretaker.

Wordcount: 0.846k.

A/N: just a very short kinda fluffy story i did after i rewatched that scene where Leon holds Ashley's hand while the plaga is being purged. (Didn't proof read, woops)

For a good few days you had a ever increasing in pain headache, It started as little annoying prickling by the side of your eyes, and as the days went on it had become a full blown migraine.

You my friend, had caught the flu, and the migraine was the first symptom, however, as the day went on your nose was stuffy and you had a horrible cough. You sent a text to your boyfriend, Leon, telling him you had to cancel the date you had as you were terribly sick.

Laying in bed, and trying (and failing) to sleep you heard the door to your apartment open up, and a warm familiar voice call you.

"Babe?" Leon had arrived with no warning what so ever. You coughed instead of responding, but that let Leon know where you were.

"Honey?" He poked his head through the door and saw you laying in bed, a red faced mess with too much tissue paper sorrounding you. "Oh lord" he said starting to enter.

You, in the panic leap up a little "No, no don't come in", Which was follow by a Hard, and painful sting on your throat that made you cough uncontrollably for half a minute. Painful, your chest felt on fire and your throat wasn't much better.

"Jesus Christ" Leon replied as he heard you coughing like you had just came out of a fire, "Yeah no chances of me leaving you alone like that" he said as he began to walk in despite your protest.

To be honest, Leon was quite recilient for those types of Viruses, he had to, or a simple flu may whipe him out during a mission.

He kneeled down in front of you and reached for your forhead, gently pressing his hand on it "Seems like you have a fever", after doing this, He stood up and without a warning, He straight up pulled off all of the soft, chunky blankets you had on.

"No!" You protested, he somewhat ignored that and reached for a very, very thin Blanket. Putting it over you and wrapping you up like a helpless burrito. It didn't do much to help you feel less cold as it was fresh… Meaning, It had no warmth on it.

"sorry, but you can't be burried in those with a fever" he gave a small kiss to your cheek, comforting you "I'll get you a Soaked cloth".

You nodded with a pout as he stood back up again, Heading for the kitchen. As he walked out, you noticed on the floor of your door…. At least three plastic bags full of stuff. "L…leon?" Your voice raspy as your throat was hurt after so much force used to cough.

"yeah?"

"wh..what is all that?"

"I'm not leaving you to take care of yourself in that state".

A soft smile appeared on your lips as he said those words, he had always been protective, it was one of the things that made you fall for him, and it shined through as he came back and put the cold water soaked cloth on your forehead.

A 'tsss' came out of you as it made contact, it was too cold for you and it almost hurt. He gave you another small kiss on your cheek and pet your hair for a moment. "Yeah, i know its uncomfy" he spoke gently.

You thanked him, and he went on to bring the bags to your room, he had gone all out to make sure you had the best care possible.

The first bag was full, and i mean full of medicine, maybe too much… Maybe to the point it would last more than necessary, he knew he was being a little exaggerated but well, at least the next time you got sick you'd have spares; analgesics, cough syrup, Painkillers. All he could think of since you really didn't specify what you had.

Then the second bag, Full of food and water. Instant soup, Noodles, Crackers, some sweats, tea, coffee and more.

"Leon you… didn't need to" the cough interrupted you again.

"But i wanted to, your my partner; I'm gonna take care of you".

The third one was just full of entertainment for you to stay on bed rest, new books, one of those 2000's cheap game consoles with like 5 games, movies, and even cards.

The fourth and hidden bag was just his clothing he could stay as long as necessary.

You were surprised, since it was rare you got sick that bad you hadn't seen Leon pull anything similar. He even got you Pedialyte in case you were dehydrated.

A true keeper.

After a minute he put his hand on your face again "it's going down" his gentle tone as he smiled at you, sitting on the edge of the bed and talking gently about how he'd be your personal nurse for the time you were sick.

You couldn't help yourself but to think, while he looked at you with this soft demeanor, that you needed to get him a ring ASAP.

︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶

He's just a keeper and we know it.

#leon kennedy #leon s kennedy x reader #leon kennedy x reader #re4 remake #resident evil fanfic #leon kennedy x you #resident evil fanfiction #resident evil x reader #leon kennedy fanfic #leon x reader #resident evil leon #leon scott kennedy x reader #re4 leonff

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forever-rogue · 7 months

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I’m in love with the way you write Eddie! I have so many thoughts of him in my head and you’re the perfect person to make them come alive! Can I get one where Eddie or reader have a bad day and the other can always tell and they have a nice hot bath together and have naked cuddles because they love to feel each other with no barriers cause they’re so deeply in love? Could include smut but that’s up to you, if you can’t write it that’s okay but have a great day!

AN | What if you and Eddie had a horrible, no good, very bad day? He’d make it all better 🥰

Warnings | Language

Pairing | Eddie x Fem!Reader

Word Count | 2k

Masterlist | Main, Eddie

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

With a heavy sigh, you walked through the front door of your apartment, kicking off your shoes and dropping your purse by the door. You couldn't be bothered to properly put them away, despite your natural tendency towards order.

You walked into the living room and flopped onto the big, fluffy couch and pulled out your phone. A frown crossed your features when you realized there was nothing from Eddie. No missed calls, no texts, and no silly little memes. It was…odd to say the least and definitely didn't help the sour mood you were in.

You hoped that nothing bad had happened to him. Fortunately your question was soon answered when the door opened and Eddie stomped inside, groaning heavily as he walked towards the kitchen. You perked up and peeked over the couch to get a better look at your lover. He looked just as tired and run down as you felt. You hated that.

"Hey love," you crawled off your comfy spot on the couch and made your way over to him. He only made a small sound of exasperation as you came up behind him and wrapped your arms around his waist, resting your head on his back, "missed you today."

He mumbled something you couldn't quite hear as he clung onto you. You rocked him gently back and forth, pressing kisses to his shoulders. Eddie brought your hand to his lips, and kissed your palm, chasing you to lean into him with a soft sigh.

"What's wrong, love?" You held him for a little bit longer, refusing to move until he was ready to. In all truthfulness, you needed these moments of stillness just as much as he did.

"It's just been…" he slowly turned around so he was facing you, a half-hearted smile on his face. You reached up and put your hand on his face, brushing your thumb over his cheek, "its been a day. A long, shitty day. I'm a bad boyfriend. How was your day, sweetheart?"

"Well, I hate to rain on your parade and make your day even worse but…I've had a terrible day too," you gave him a tight lipped smile and he wasted no time in wrapping you up in a big bear hug, allowing you to bury yourself into him. You couldn't help the small laugh that escaped your lips as he picked you up and set you on the counter, "Eddie!"

"Not sorry," he insisted as he took your face gently in his hands, proceeding to gently pepper kisses all over your face. You couldn't hide your giggles at the feather light feeling of his lips blessing your skin, "I'm sorry you had a bad day, baby. Wanna talk about it?"

"Not right now," you shrugged lightly, "I have an idea instead…"

"Takeout from that Mexican place down the street?"

"Yes! And…"

"Shitty horror movies?"

"Duh," you looked at him with big, soft eyes and he chuckled fondly before slowly exhaling, "what do you say?"

"I say…go and put on pajamas and I'll call to order," you wrapped your arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. He understood you on a level no one else ever had. You loved him. You adored him.

"I love you," you beamed at him and already his day was a million times better, "I'll set out some pajamas for you too."

"Good," he helped you off the counter and slowly nudged you in the direction of the bedroom, "now get going! No time to waste."

"Aye aye, captain!"

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

"I wish we could stay like this forever," you grumbled, burrowing your face into Eddie's sweater. It was the same one you often loved to steal - it always managed to hold his scent no matter how often it was washed. You were both sprawled on the couch, with you being the little spoon and Eddie curled around you. A heap of warm, fluffy blankets covered both of you, and it was all enough to almost lull you to sleep.

You heard him chuckle softly before pressing a kiss to the top of your head, "yeah, me too baby."

"I'm being serious," you shuffled around with a huff so you were facing him. He nodded seriously, unable to contain his grin at the little pout you gave him, “don’t mock me, Edward.”

“I’m not,” he promised softly, stroking your cheek softly, “if it was an option, I’d stay here all day too. Trust me.”

“Today sucked,” you whispered softly, “but I don’t want to bog you down even more.”

“Tell me about it,” his hand was on your back, rubbing soothing circles into your soft skin underneath your sweater, “I wanna hear all about it.”

“Okay,” you inhaled deeply before exhaling slowly, “my alarm didn’t go off this morning after you left and I overslept and was late to work. My boss was on one and basically yelled at me and then made it seem like everything wrong in her life was my fault. I met with a new client and she wasn’t any better and wouldn’t listen to any reason and then stormed out and wouldn’t get back to me. I spilled coffee all over my shirt, a rock on the freeway chipped my windshield and I’m in the throes of PMS. My body and mind and soul are tired and worn out.”

“Baby,” he cooed tenderly after a few moments had passed. You felt silly getting so upset but you had to blink back your tears. It really did feel like it was one thing after the next and it had really beaten you down, “I’m sorry you had to deal with all of that today. You didn’t deserve all of that. What can I do?”

“Nothing,” you leaned in and pressed a kiss to his lips, brushing your nose against his, “just being here with you makes everything better. Plus the food helped too, but it was mostly you.”

“Whatever I can do to help. You just tell me, yeah?”

“I will,” you gently ran a hand through his dark curls, lightly scratching at his scalp in the way you knew he loved, “tell me about your day. I wanna help you too.”

“Well, I got a flat on the way to work, half my employees called out and we’re busier than ever, I ran out of coffee and someone brought in their beloved vintage car that I absolutely cannot fix and I had to tell him the bad news. It did not go over well,” he sighed softly before making a small noise as if to say what are you gonna do? You hummed in agreement with his definition of a shitty day, “it wasn’t the best day but it could have been worse.”

“My love,” you curled up into him as best as you could, which basically ended with you lying on top of him. Not that he would ever complain about that of course, "I'm sorry you had a rough day. Guess we both had really shitty days."

"Yeah," he said softly, "solidarity, I guess. But this is already making my day so much better. You make everything better."

"But the food helps?"

"The food helps," he agreed with a small laugh, "you know what else might help?"

"Hmm?"

"A long hot shower and all the cuddles," he wrapped his arm around your waist as he slowly sat up but keeping you wrapped to his chest, "what do you think?"

"I think that sounds perfect," your vehement agreement quickly turned into a squeal as he picked you up and started to head to the bathroom, "don't drop me, Edward!"

“This already feels a million times better,” the feeling of the hot water hitting your tired body definitely helped to ease away some of the stress of the day. It didn’t hurt either that Eddie was right next to you. You reached for the shampoo and popped the top open, "let me?"

"I wouldn't dream of it," he pressed a sloppy kiss to your check, "now let's get these clothes off…"

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

A smile stretched up the corner of his mouth as he sweetly nodded. You put a hand on his shoulder and gently turned him around so you could focus your attention on him. You poured out the shampoo and started to scrub his scalp, making sure to get all of his hair but also making it more of a massage than anything. Eddie was practically melting as he made some small sounds of satisfaction. Your hands felt like heaven in his hair.

"Does it feel good?"

"Like fuckin' heaven, baby," he groaned as you moved him to stand under the warm stream of water to finish, "I'd have you do this every day if I could."

"I'd do it every day if I could," you promised softly, making sure all of his hair was sud free before grabbing the conditioner, "gotta let this one soak in a little bit, okay love?"

"Mhmm," he hummed in content before grabbing your body wash, "your turn, angel. Lemme take care of you."

"You don't have-"

"The fuck I don't," he scoffed playfully, getting the body wash ready in his hands before putting them on you. You leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his nose before he started to run his hands gently along your body. His touch was soft and so tender that it almost brought tears to your eyes. It wasn't even that there was anything sexual about it - it was the sheer intimacy of the moment.

"Eddie…"

"You're so beautiful," he whispered softly, "I love you so much."

"I love you too," you took the opportunity to hug him, pulling his body against yours, warm, soft suds getting on both of you, "can we stay in here forever?"

"Maybe not forever, but definitely until we're prunes," you could feel his chest vibrating with laughter, "plus we gotta wash all this off."

"Fine," you pouted at him, and he took his time to kiss, letting his lips linger against yours, "you're not doing anything to help me want to actually move or get out."

"I've got two words that might incentivize you…"

"Hmm….?"

"Naked cuddles," he whispered in your ear, almost laughing at the eager look in your face, "yeah, there's my girl."

"To be fair, Edward," you switched spaces with him so you could wash the suds from your body, "I want anything and everything with you. I'm kind of madly in love with you."

"That's disgusting," he teased softly, "cause I'm kinda in love with you and adore you."

"The grossest," you agreed, "let's get to it, mister."

"Yes, ma'am!"

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

"C'mon," Eddie nudged you towards the warm bed, causing you to giggle as he tickled your sides. You dropped your towel and eagerly climbed and eagerly climbed into the warm nest of blankets. Eddie followed you, running a towel through his dark curls before throwing it and towel around his waist to the side, "oh yes, this is perfect."

"I agree," you couldn't stifle your yawn as he wrapped his arms around you and tucked you into his body. He was so warm and soft and smelled delicious from your body wash. This might have been your version of heaven, "don't ever wanna leave."

"Mhmm," he pressed a row of soft kisses to your shoulder. You made a small sound of contentment, "I'm sorry you had a shit day."

"I'm sorry you had a bad day too," you whispered, "but this - you - have made my whole day better. Way better."

"You've made my day too," he closed his eyes and burrowed further into his pillow, "I love you, angel. Try and get some rest - tomorrow will be better."

"I love you too, Eddie. So much."

It wasn't long before both of you were soundly asleep and feeling a million times better.

#eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x you #eddie munson x fem!reader #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson one shot #joseph quinn #st

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k00sblogger · 26 days

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Summary: When your audition doesn't go as planned, you realize that you'd do absolutely anything to get the role you want.

Warnings: age gap, hoseok kinda sus, messy blowjob, mentions of other sexual acts, dirty talk, pwp

Pairing: instructor!hoseok x ballerina!reader

🔗: m.list

★━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━★

"God I feel so stiff." you grunt out, bent over as you stretch your tired hamstrings. The week before this one was complete hell, and since you'd spent so much time in the studio your muscles were in pain.

It was audition week now, the week everyone was so eager for. On audition night you'd either be going out for ice cream with your friends in celebration, or sulking in your bed in disappointment.

You'd been practicing for this role for what felt like your entire life. The role of odette, black swan.. white swan.. whatever you wanna call it.

Some people may say it's basic, or that swan lake is played out- but you absolutely loved it. You remember looking at the older ballerinas as a child and wishing it could be you. Now, it finally was. Well almost- you'd only feel complete if you obtained the role of the black swan. Which you were determined to do.

Two loud claps pull you out of your thoughts, and you immediately stand to your feet when you see that its your instructor. Your friends do the same- just purely out of respect.

Ms. Bahr may be old, but she was never one to let herself be walked all over. Especially not by dancers from her company.

"I'd like you all to meet our guest for the.. day." her voice awkwardly trails off as she gestures toward the door. In walks a man, who looks quite close to your age. He's dressed nicely, & walks in with his arms crossed as he scans over everyone.

Well damn, you knew if he was anything near as stuck up as he looked, you hated him already.

"Hello, i'm mr. jung." he says, setting his bag down but still keeping his eye trained on all of us. When we hear the door slam, everyone's head snaps the opposite way, and we see that Ms. Bahr has excused herself.

Very weird, she was never one to be outside of the room during a practice. During audition week especially.

"I advise that you focus on me, because after this week i'll be officially taking Ms. Bahr's spot as head instructor." gasps, heard all around the room. One of your friends liza stares at you in shock, and you return the look.

People chatter amongst themselves at the news, it was surprising to say the least. Why wouldn't she tell us herself? Why is she letting a random guy take her spot? You had many questions, all that probably would never be answered.

"Now! With that being said-" a sly smile is on his face as he picks up a a paper- studying the sheet for a moment before speaking again. "If your not trying out for the role of the black swan, please step back and continue warming up."

Only four students are left standing, including you. You give a side eye to your main competition here, Jessica bush. You roll your eye at the slight sight of her, you absolutely hated the girl.

It wasn't jealousy- period point blank. It was just her atitude, it was fucking horrible. You wanted the role for yourself of course, but it would feel damn good to beat her and finally put her in her place.

Mr. Jung takes a good look at all of you, locking eyes with you for a split second before moving his eyes on to the girl next to you. He gives a nod of approval before setting down the paper with your names on it.

"I'd like to see you all perform the variation you've been taught yeah?" you hadn't even put your points shoes on yet. You curse yourself for what you're about to have to do, terrible first impression.

"Uhm- i need to get my points shoes.. sir." you itch at your arm at the tension when he looks at you, a annoyed glare on his face.

"Hurry up, go on." he says, allowing you permission to scurry over to your duffel bag.

What a prick.

*:.。..。.。o○*:.。..。.。o○*:.。..。.。o○*:.。..。.。

"Alright, not too bad." he mutters, slightly clapping as you and the others breathe heavily. This variation always felt much harder when you had someone watching you do it.

"I suppose you're all free to go, come in prepared tomorrow for auditions." there's a collective nod before everyone goes about their own business, talking as they all leave one by one.

By the time you sit down to start taking off your toe pads, the room is already empty besides you and him. It was a little awkward, but you refused to move faster just because he was in here with you.

A pained hiss leaves your lips when you see the bruise forming on your big toe, sighing at the sight of the mark. You don't pay much mind to it, sliding your sock right over it and slipping your shoes on afterward.

"You need new toe pads." your hear a voice behind you, and its him, the new instructor. You give awkward smile as you look up, playfully scoffing at his words. "Yeah, guess i do."

Standing to your feet, you sling your bag over your shoulder- muttering a quiet bye to the man as you begin to walk away. Unfortunately, his hand on your arm prevents you to walk any further.

"I think you're right for the role." he suddenly says, and your eyes widen in surprise. How could he decide that so easily when he's only seen you perform a short variation once? For gods sake he just got here.

You weren't ungreatful though, in fact you were very glad he noticed your efforts.

"Really?" you ask, shock evident in your voice as it grows louder. He nods his head, walking away from you now and back over to his personal belongings. Your right on his toes, assuming that he wants you to follow him.

"How could you know when you've only seen me dance once?" you question him, genuinely confused about what he could be thinking. This was such an important role, he'd be stupid to cast it so easily.

"I have a good eye.." his voice trails off with a suspicious chuckle as his gaze returns to your face. Your features were etched with so much confusion, but he could see you were excited.

"I think you're a beautiful girl.. y/n right?" your smile slowly fades, sensing the weird tone in his voice. "Ehm.. yeah" the excitement empties from your body when he stalks towards you, eyes refusing to leave yours.

He circles you as if you were prey, arms crossed the same way they were when he walked into the room. "Your old enough to know.. sometimes in life we have to do things to get what we want."

What the fuck was he saying? Your face scrunched up in annoyance and confusion, you just hoped this wasn't him flirting with you.

You let out a sigh when his cold fingers trail down your bare arm, feeling his body heat as he stands close behind you. "I can get you that role." you feel his lips on the back of your neck and it makes you want to throw up and disgust.

He barely even knew you! And even if he did- it's out of the question and inappropriate. "I can get you that role." he repeats again, only this time he presses his obvious boner into your ass.

That's when you move, picking up your bag that you hadn't even noticed fell to the ground. "Are you fucking insane?!" you shout, and he looks at you as if you were the one who did something wrong.

"Your disgusting!" you scream again, voice echoing through the room. You could only hope everyone had left the building as you rush out of the room.

"You'll regret that." he yells after you.

Fuck off.

*:.。..。.。o○*:.。..。.。o○*:.。..。.。o○*:.。..。.。

AUDITION DAY

The week had went by in a flash, and tryouts had come much sooner than you thought they would.

After the situation with your new instructor, you avoided him like the plague- even switching directions when you'd see him walking around the building. You noticed him staring at times, but you did your best to ignore it.

You hadn't told anyone about what happened either, not even your closest friends. What you didn't want was for it to effect your audition process, not after you worked so hard for this very moment.

The voice of your friend lila causes you to zone back in, & you can't help the smile that falls over your face when you see her walking towards you with flowers.

"Lila.." you say, giving her a big hug before she can even hand the flowers over. "You didn't have to.. i didn't even get you anything.." you mutter, pulling out of the hug with a saddened look on your face.

You appreciated her at times like these, and sometimes even felt like a shitty friend when she'd go out of her way to do special things for you. If you ever lost her you think you'd literally spiral out of control.

"Good luck on your audition." she says, her face full of joy as she gives a comforting squeeze to your arm.

You don't get the chance to thank her because the door opens, and in comes Mr.Jung . Everyone stands when he arrives, the same way they would when Ms. Bahr would enter.

Now that you know the real him, it kind of sucks that everyone likes him so much. It also sucks that you have to keep what happened to yourself for now, but you planned to confess as soon as auditions were over.

"Alright everyone, we'll begin black & white swan auditions now- so if that's not you please push to the back of the room." Again, four students are left standing- only this time it's much more nerve racking.

You were used to the whole class watching auditions happen, but this was different. You'd been waiting for this for years... if you fucked up now you don't think you'd ever forgive yourself.

"Ready?" he asks, staring at all of you as you spread out and get into your starting position.

Ready as you'll ever be.

~~~~

Needless to say the audition went great. You don't remember messing up even once, and even a couple other students came up to your afterwards just to tell you how good your audition looked.

You watched the rest of the auditions in excitement and confidence, happy that you'd done so good. Usually, you'd let jessica's little glares towards you ruin your mood- but not today.

An entire hour passes before auditions finally finish, and you're all sent into another room. There's chattering amongst everyone, different talk of who they think will make black swan.

You try your best to ignore it, sticking your headphones in for some extra noise. You get a nice thirty minutes of relaxation before it's finally time.

Ms. Bahr makes a appearance just to tell everyone results are posted- and as soon as she says it everyone's rushing out of the room. Your the last one to leave, taking a few deep breaths as you slowly make your way to the poster.

And then- your excitement crumbles when you see mr. jung and jessica hugging at the end of the hall. No way, no no no no no. Your footsteps get faster at the sight, and you finally come to a anxious hault when you see the list.

{Black/White swan: Jessica bush}

You wanted to cry when you read it, but you couldn't. At least not when your instructor was looking at you with the cruelest grin on his face.

He did this on purpose.

You danced beautifully, no one could tell you any different. You weren't being stuck up, but you genuinely felt that today was the best time you'd ever performed it. Your hard work felt like a waste, all because you rejected his advances.

You went home utterly disappointed in yourself, wishing that you could turn back the time and tell him yes. You'd do anything for that role, literally anything.

That's when you found yourself pondering your options, and finally- you came up with a solution.

*:.。..。.。o○*:.。..。.。o○*:.。..。.。o○*:.。..。.。

THE NEXT DAY

You couldn't believe you were doing this. You'd stood in front of your instructors door for a good five minutes before finally gathering the courage to even knock.

He welcomed you in as if nothing had happened, a smile on his face as he gestures for you to sit down. You obviously sit with no complaints, not wanting to piss him off when you were already about to ask for something huge.

"What brings you in?" his tone is very much condescending, and you have to bite you tongue to prevent a scowl from plastering on your face.

"I..I wanna take your offer." you say quietly, foot constantly tapping against the floor as you await a response. He ticks his tongue as he looks at you, before bursting into a fit of laughter.

"Don't you think it's too late?" he mentions, pointing his long finger to the paper on his table. You lean over to look at it, seeing the sheet of paper with jessica's name on it. It makes you want to throw up.

"With all due respect sir, you did this to spite me." you don't bite you tongue any longer, you know the motive behind this. He was a cruel man, but oh so clever.

He chuckles at your words, shaking his head as he stands from his chair. He slowly makes his way to the door, twisting the lock and then turning back to face you. "You really want that role huh?"

You hated this, you hated that he had the upper hand. But you also knew this was your decision, and you didn't have to do this. You had every right and the will to walk right out of this room and deal with the fact you won't ever be black swan.

Except, you didn't want to do that.

"I do.." you mutter, gaze now at your feet as he comes closer to you to tilt your chin upwards. He looks at you with fake pitty, somewhat happy that you'd come crawling back to him.

"Get on your knees." he commands, and you oblige him without another word. He licks his lips to moiston them at the sight of you, ready to pleasure him and get exactly what you've always wanted.

"You know what to do, you want the role?" he asks, and your hands shake with anxiety as you nod your head. "Then take it."

Alright, you could do this. Give him head, easy peasy.. right?

Your shaky hands are evidence of your nervousness as you undo the zipper on his pants, and when you see the bulge in his boxers you question why he's already hard? What was he doing before you got here?

When tuck your hands into the waistband of his boxers, he sighs at the feeling of your cold fingers on his skin. You try your best to not look at him when his length finally pops out, red tip right in front of your eyes.

He was bigger than you thought he'd be, but it was no wonder that he had no shame when coming onto you the first time around.

You didn't even realize you were gawking at it until he finally said something. "Scared?" the question infuriates you, and causes you to put the length of him in your mouth immediately.

You weren't scared of him. Fuck no.

He groans at the feeling of your mouth wrapped tight around him, keeping a tight grip on his desk as you bob your head up and down.

He smirks at the way your making him so messy, not caring that your getting spit all over his pelvis and even in his small happy trail. "Fuck- sluttin' me out aren't you?" You ignore his words, set on the fact this was purely for your role.

You wanted it, bad.

You pop his dick out of your mouth with heavy breaths, now swirling your tongue around his tip. You trace every part of it, the veins, the tip, everything. You can tell he likes it, because he finally allows his head to lean back.

You couldn't believe yourself, all of your previous fear had vanished from your body. Hoseok could tell too, because you were sucking the life out of him.

"Shit, just wanna bend you over-" you moan around his dick, not able to speak since you've shoved his dick right back down your throat. You're gagging now, but you don't pull away- determined to get what you wanted out of this.

Your hand is covered in saliva, all from you jerking off what you can take inside of your mouth. Or what you thought you couldn't take- because soon both of his hands move snug to the back of your head for more leverage.

He fucks your mouth with a punishing pace, smirking when he hears your little muffled whimpers and gags. "Love that shit- gonna look so pretty on stage." his words wouldve made you smile if your mouth wasn't so full- it only confirmed that the role was no longer jessicas.

It belonged to you, and you only.

"Where you want me to cum, hm?" he pulls out of your mouth breifly so you can speak, slapping the wet tip on your messy cheek. "On my tits- please."

You were way too into this, hurriedly lowering your top right under your breasts. They sit perfectly, and they look even better when he finally rubs himself to a orgasm, his milky white release coating your hard nipples.

"God- so fuckin hot." the words leaving his mouth sounded foreign, and you couldn't believe you were wet. You no longer denied the fact that you enjoyed what had just happened, it was a win win.

When you go to clean yourself off, he stops you- taking it upon himself to lift your top right over your still cum covered breasts. "Gonna go home with my cum on you, that'll finish up the deal."

You go home happy, going to sleep excited for the upcoming weeks as you were officially the black swan. Jessica on the other hand was feeling so many emotions at once. She was angry, dissapoonted, and overall confused.

She wondered why her role had been snatched from her and given to someone who didn't even deserve it. She'd done everything she could for that role.. including fuck her instructor.

Hoseok had promised her the same fate, that he'd give her the role regardless of her audition as long as she gave him some pussy. So she did so, without thinking of the consequences.

He'd played the both of you, and neither of you had any idea.

#bts smut #bts fanfiction #bts oneshot #bts #bts fanfic #hoseok x reader #hoseok fanfic #hobi smut #jhope smut #jhope fanfic #hobi fanfic #hoseok oneshot #jhope x reader #jhope x you #bts jhope

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starsurface · 3 months

Note

Politely asking for regressor Bi Han from mk1 headcanons please :)

I almost feel bad, you asked so politely and I'm warning you now, some of these are kinda sad . . . <3

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

Regressor Bi-Han Hcs

❄️ Regresses to about 2-3, sometimes older though

❄️ Involuntarily regressed for the longest time and it terrified him, started regressing when he was about 13

❄️ Did not do CGs for the longest time

❄️ It wasn't until Kuai Liang and Tomas began regressing with or around him that he even thought about

❄️ And even then, you gotta be really, really close to him

❄️ Grew up with a constant fear in mind that someone will walk in, some one will catch him, someone will hurt him while he's vulnerable

❄️ Personal Headcanon that'll effect the rest of my requests: I don't think Bi-Han is a horrible brother. Not a good one, he definitely doesn't like Tomas. But Tomas will glare back at him and mouths him back, things people don't do to abusers.

❄️ ^ I think in the scene where we saw them fight that Bi-Han took it a bit too hard, because yes, Tomas did look genuinely hurt. But I've said things that hurt my own brother before and didn't apologize until later.

❄️ ^ Unfortunately they with both children forced into a terrible situation with no say of their own

❄️ Now, back onto regression hcs-

❄️ Tomas was the first one who found him regressed and it was one of the few times Tomas had ever seen Bi-Han cry

❄️ They were angry tears, and he didn't speak to Tomas for days later, but eventually Tomas sat them both down and they ‘spoke’ (Bi-Han didn't say much, but Tomas found some fruit on his bedside table the next day with a note that only said Bi-Han's name)

❄️ Tomas, Kuai Liang, and himself are his most preferred CGs >:/

❄️ (^ He's had some babysitters, but it took a couple of playdates to even think of it)

❄️ Actually really likes it when Raiden watches him because Raidens really calm and can handle young regressors really well

❄️ ^ Does NOT like hanging out with Kung Lao when hes also small though, he makes too much of a ruckus!! >:(

❄️ Very grumpy baby

❄️ Won't tell you what's wrong, he'll just pout and glare and have tears in his eyes as he stares at the floor

❄️ It can be a bit frustrating, but he knows your doing your best and will cuddle up to you out of apologies

❄️ Lashes out a lot while small

❄️ The easiest things can set him off into a fit of screaming and hitting

❄️ Please don't leave him during this time, just let him act out for a few minutes before hiccuping and looking up at you in shame

❄️ You have to tell him that he's still a good boy, but that's not how we handle our very big and negative emotions

❄️ Experiment with different ways to work with his feelings (blowing finger candles is his personal favorite, but he also thinks it's too silly for him so you have to prompt it)

❄️ No is his favorite and least favorite word

❄️ Hates hearing it from you, but loves hearing it himself

❄️ Hissy fits are also common where he'll stomp his foot and scowl

❄️ Although the softest coe and asking him what's making him all upset makes him melt very quickly and sheepishly whisper what's wrong

❄️ If he's verbally communicating, his voice is very quiet, but he's trying

❄️ Doesn't like watching cartoons but will do so if it means he can cuddle you for a long period of time

❄️ Pulls a Liu Kang and refuses to regress for weeks on end until he drops incredibly hard and is totally dependent on someone (he hates it)

❄️ ^ Kuai Liang and Tomas are working on him with it, don't you worry

❄️ Once had such a stressful week and pushed back his regression for so long that he regressed really young for almost three days straight

❄️ ^ It was also kinda his eye opening that maybe he needed to change some habits of his

❄️ It's a struggle to let himself be vulnerable at times so he'll demand that he changes the channel or cooks his own food

❄️ But only gets more frustrated with himself that he can't do any of the stuff!! >:(

❄️ Just gently shush him and tell him that he doesn't have to be all big and strong anymore, he can be a baby, it's okay

❄️ When he's not throwing a tantrum or having a hissy fit, a pretty good boy

❄️ Pouty, scowly, but also constantly seeks your attention and praise

❄️ Cuddly, but he has to reach out first

❄️ Doesn't speak much unless he has a complaint or is upset, he just doesn't like talking while small

❄️ Unless its a complaint, will complain about everything you do because it's ‘not right’, like putting his goldfish in the wrong bowl and flat out refusing to eat out of them now

❄️ Tell him you don't like being birrated, and his complaining will go to more whiney because he doesn't want to make you feel bad

❄️ He knows he's a lot to handle while regressed, especially if he's had a bad day, and will buy you things when he's bigger as a thanks

❄️ I know it's frustrating at times, but don't yell at him please

❄️ He hates it, he despises yelling, it terrifies him

❄️ Can't do punishments either

❄️ ^ Either of these could cause him to withdraw from you while he's small, and maybe even big

❄️ (Although if all you did was slightly raise your voice when he was upset, he won't entirely run away, he knows it was probably an accident)

❄️ Sitting down, talking about what's wrong, maybe even writing it all out and tearing up the paper later, that's what he'd prefer

❄️ And he is getting better as time goes on, it's really rough at first, but eventually he'll go more for his blowing candles and paper ripping than full on screaming and hitting

❄️ Favorite little nicknames are Snowflake, Sweetie, Baby Boy, Little One, Tough Guy, and Icey

❄️ Favorite little activity has to be reading his nursery rhyme book and cuddling

❄️ Doesn't have any regression items, it too scared to actually own any

❄️ But he has this thick nursery rhyme book that he really likes you to read to him

❄️ Please do voices, it makes him really happy and smiley 🥺

❄️ If you ever got him a paci, he might freak at first, but he does adore it

❄️ Although he'll only use it with his mask on so you can't see

❄️ Although one day he sheepishly used it without his mask, only to hide in your neck

❄️ Your his CG, and he loves you, and he's very thankful to have you in his life <3

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

I love him, I do, but Pookie over here needs to learn how to heal a little bit. He's doing great though (I'm my own mind :3)

#age regression #agere #sfw age regression #age regression headcanons #mortal kombat agere #sfw agere #mk1 #mk1 headcanons #mortal kombat 1 #mortal kombat 1 headcanons #mk agere #bi han #mk1 bihan #little bi han #regressor bi han #bi han x reader #mk1 bi han x reader #subzero x reader

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stergeon · 4 months

Text

25 rejected edeleth fluff ideas

here are some edeleth stories i thought a lot about but did not write. if anybody wants to actually write one of these, be my guest (and also pleeeeease send me a link, i'm desperate for content about Them Girls™)

byleth takes edelgard on a fishing trip and she has an absolutely abysmal time

edelgard makes a valiant attempt to corral byleth's atrocious fashion sense ahead of a formal event

byleth teaches edelgard swear words

edelgard tries some of those weird herbs rhea used to give students to relax; byleth is more than happy to babysit

byleth does edelgard's taxes. she's wearing her goofy professor glasses. it does something weird for edelgard

edelgard takes byleth on a date to the opera and byleth cries the whole time

byleth reads a work of fiction for the first time ever. it's a horror story. she did not like it. edelgard reads her something nicer.

edelgard gets byleth to pose for a portrait and shows it to her

byleth has to give a speech at a big event and is a nervous wreck. edelgard has been waiting all her life for this coaching opportunity

edelgard tries to teach byleth how to draw (she is very bad at it)

byleth cannot for the life of her figure out which fork is used for what purpose at this fancy dinner. edelgard covers for her

edelgard goes all out to celebrate byleth's birthday on the day byleth thought was (read: randomly chose as) her birthday, not her actual birthday; byleth doesn't have the heart to tell her

byleth brings edelgard various souvenirs from her travels around the country. edelgard tries not to be so soft over it, even though they're… not all hits

edelgard attempts to make dinner and botches it beyond salvation. they get takeout.

byleth will not shut up about this cute house she saw when she was out on a mission and how nice it would be for them to "have something like it one day." edelgard arranges to buy the place

edelgard sees byleth in a dress uniform and cannot stop swooning

byleth is being relentlessly pursued by a suitor who won't take a hint and edelgard challenges the idiot to a duel

edelgard decides she will learn to swim. it goes poorly, to say the least, but she manages in the end. as it turns out, getting to see byleth in a swimsuit is a good motivator

byleth gets caught kissing edelgard by hubert. the resulting conversation is unpleasant for everyone. ferdinand, meanwhile, is overjoyed

edelgard is having a terrible, horrible, no-good very bad day. she chews byleth out over nothing and immediately feels awful about it. byleth forces her to take the rest of the day off to chill

byleth is going away for a month-long mission. both girls are inconsolable. they write each other letters literally every day.

edelgard really puts somebody on blast in a council meeting. byleth gets stars in her eyes

byleth concocts a very, very elaborate story about some kind of summit in faerghus; she and edelgard leave enbarr for two weeks to attend. surprise: there's no summit, it's a spa retreat

edelgard arranges a "normal date" where they go out in town in disguise and do very boring things like run errands, look at furniture, buy socks, etc.

doropetra-edeleth double date

#edeleth #edelgard von hresvelg #byleth eisner #byleth x edelgard #fire emblem #fe3h #fire emblem three houses #fe3h fanfic #sterge.rtf #i would Love if anyone would grab one of these and run with it #as much as i would like to write any or all of these i don't have the brain for it at the moment #i actually did write the swears one but it was too silly to post. i simply can't.#i'm considering doing a story where each chapter is a teeny-tiny one-shot along the lines of these prompts #but i have like. three or four wips right now and i Should Not make it five #c'est la piss. i love them girls #also um. it should go without saying but don't buy a house for your partner without having a conversation about it lol #this is fiction and our girl has money to toss around on stuff like that. the likes of we don't have the luxury #i probably Will write that double-date eventually tbh. i keep chewing on it and rotating it in my mind #thanks to arrow for making me so crazy about that one

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silverstagspirit · 1 year

Text

Survivor of Ramshackle - Part 3

Part three is here!

Warnings: corpses, burial, mild panic attack for Grim, angst.

PART 2 PART 4

---

Grim was attending another unbirthday party with Ace and Deuce. He did not like any of these snobby rules. Yet here he was. The very morning after Yuu left, no less. The one upside was that he was chowing down on some tarts that Trey baked. They tasted amazing. The strawberries felt like they were dancing on his tongue.

*Drop*

A sudden wave of dread washed over Grim. Causing him to freeze. His whole body was paralyzed. And his mind kept telling him that something was wrong. It was a terrible, horrible feeling of wrongwrongwrongWRONGWRONG-

"Oi! Grim!"

"Hnngh!?"

He was back at the unbirthday party. Only this time, Ace and Deuce were looking at him.

"What's the matter with you? It's not like you to drop food."

Grim looked down and saw the rest of his slice of tart abandoned on the grass.

"Oh no! My tart!"

"NO GRIM! What have we told you about eating stuff of the- and he's already munching on it."

"We should know better by now, Ace."

He looked at Grim eating his tart.

"Why did you even drop it in the first place? I thought you were like, super protective of food."

Grim stopped eating and looked up at him.

"I dunno. I just had this bad feeling wash over me, and I just couldn't move."

"What do you mean by "bad feeling"."

"I told you I don't know. But I just got a thought that something bad had happened. Something REALLY bad."

"I'm sure you're just remembering an assignment you forgot about, and now you know that Trien's going to have your hide."

"Am not!"

The day would go on normal from there. But Grim would still have questions as to what that feeling was.

Yuu was bumping into things as they floated. Learning how to use this new form was tricky. Having magic now (or at least something akin to it) would be a big thing to adjust to. For now, they stayed on the ground. Thier body feeling lighter than ever.

'I wonder if I can run', they thought.

They picked up the pace a little bit. When they thought they could handle more, they went a bit faster. This continued until they had broken into a full-blown sprint.

'That's weird. I've never been able to run this fast before.'

Yuu began to sprint faster and faster until even the wind couldn't catch up to them.

'Oh my gosh! I feel alive!'

Taking it to the next level, they jumped up. They flew half a dozen feet into the air. This made them panic.

"Wooaoah!!"

'I've never jumped this high before!'

They thought they would collide with the ground but were surprised when they didn't feel anything. When they opened their eyes, they were still floating in the air. They were confused, but when they imagined themselves floating safely to the ground, it actually happened.

'Neat,' Yuu thought as they stepped forward experimentally.

Yuu looked back at the phantom behind them.

It was burying bodies. The middle head using it's snout as a shovel while the left head picked up the corpses and put them in the holes. The third head was also helping with bodies, but it was not as good at it as the left head.

Yuu looked at the phantom doing its job. Before they could take revenge, they needed to have this creature on their side. They couldn't go anywhere without it.

So they walked up to it and started helping them bury bodies.

As they were doing this, they started to wonder, why was the phantom doing this? These things are dangerous, evil beings. So why wasn't this thing destroying everything?

They said that phantoms came from when a Mage was using too much magic on top of feeling intense negative emotion. Said negative emotions manifested as that phantom. This phantom formed when Yuu was experiencing extreme grief at the loss of their race.

That and there was nothing left here for them to destroy.

So Yuu just never said a word to it and helped them bury the dead.

Yuu helped their phantom with the burials all day. When the sun went down, that was when they stopped to rest. After all, you can't stay up past sundown when there is no electricity for light.

When they began falling asleep, they noticed that the extra long sleeves they wore would wind around their waist and tighten like a straight jacket. This felt like a hug, so they didn't mind. And it helped them sleep better.

Waking the next morning, when the sun rose, they set out with their phantom to continue the burials.

Body after body

Person after Person

Yuu felt numb whilst doing all this. But they still did it. Burying people they have known for years. People they didn't know. People who had barely begun life.

This went on for some time. They stopped counting the days. It must have been almost a week by now.

Yuu had thought about naming the phantom. They couldn't just keep calling them by 'their phantom'.

"Hey you!"

The phantom turned its heads towards them with the middle one snarling.

"Can I give you a name?"

That made the creature go quiet and look at them with interest. Yuu searched through the mental list of names they had made.

"How about Ragnarok?"

That made the creature growl at them displeased. They thought of another one.

"Ghidorah?"

Once again, the creature growled displeased. Yuu was actually kind of relieved at this. Because they weren't exactly fond of that name either.

"Doom?"

The phantom made a crackling-chittering noise at this. Yuu thought they made it mad, so they closed their eyes, waiting for pain to come. Instead, they felt something wet and squishy brush over them. Yuu opened their eyes and saw that they were being licked by the middle head. They seemed pleased with that name. But Yuu was not quite finished yet. They still needed to give the three of them separate names.

"Okay, so that will be the name for all of you, but what about each of you?"

Doom's heads looked at each other.

They went through the list again. If Doom did not like Ghidorah, then they probably won't like Ichi, Ni, and Kevin either. They still offered it just in case. The two Phantom heads did not like those names for them. However, the third head on the right started licking them.

"You like the name Kevin?"

It chittered in response.

"So that settles your name. But what about you two?" Yuu thought over possible names. "Ying and Yang sound good." Doom's heads let out a satisfied huff.

"Cool! So that settles things."

They would need some more bonding before they could get Doom fully on their side. But they were willing to wait.

---

Sorry for the wait. It took me a while to figure out the plot for this part. I apologize for any mistakes. Thanks for reading.

Taglist: @kami-kun1003 @lemonandlime22

#twisted wonderland #twst #yuu #overblot yuu #angst #twisted wonderland angst #twst angst #overblot

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mylordshesacactus · 6 months

Text

Suncrest Campaign Wrap-Up: The Duality Of Session Titles

Our player-notes document is a communal Google Doc, where everyone (including the beleaguered DM) can hop back to check details from earlier sessions--highly recommend this system, honestly. And, for ease of reference, every week after the session wraps up I go in and give the session a title, so that we can use the gdocs Table of Contents feature to easily jump between entries.

In general, I try to make these at least somewhat informative--I try to match the tone of the title to the overall tone of the session, and reference something that'll make it clear in six months what the hell I'm talking about.

So, in honor of the party reaching the campaign endgame: A final write-up of all our session titles over the course of the campaign.

A Long Time Ago In A Campaign Setting Far, Far Away (Level-1 Adventures & The Doppelganger Arc):

1: You Meet In A Tavern Fire 2: Patience Is A Virtue (in which the party got what was meant to be mid-campaign reveal information in session 2 due to excellent restraint and investigation, and also met long-term NPC Virtue Chirelli) 3: Secrets Of Shroudpost 4: Nightfall 5: Jumping At Shadows 6: Teamwork Makes The Dream Work

Both Parts Of The Name (Abandoned Temple Quest Arc)

7: Stories & Stoves (the party meets Arlette, who runs a magic-and-general-store called Staves & Stoves, and is given a quest) 8: Indiana Jones & The Temple Of Realistic Consequences 9: D&D A-Bridged 10: This Temple Is Weird (the party fights a water weird) 11: Big Fucking Dragon 12: Max and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Campaign, or: The Gang Gets Obscenely Rich

Night Hag Arc

13: Once More Into The Breach 14: #WWFD? (What Would Farrah Do--her player was absent that week) 15: The Power Of Friendship And These Tits I Found 16: GAH, Or: Wake Up There's Hags 17: Now With 33% Less Hag! 18: Hag-gling Over Loot 19: Good Thing We Didn't Leave Those NPC Guards Unsupervised

Werewolf Arc

20: Trouble In Thistledale 21: Family & Forestry 22: First Blood 23: There Wolves 24: Protectors 25: Assassin's Creed This Shit 26: The Silverlight Hounds 27: Overwhelming Force 28: New Moon 29: Firelight Festival

Election Fraud Arc

30: Political Theater 31: Landlords & Other Bloodthirsty Monstrosities 32: Hashtag Escapism 33: Of Mortgages & Murder 34: A Dish-tressing Discovery (a friendly NPC was almost murdered via sleep deprivation using a cursed goblet) 35: Jackoff And The Giant Beanstalk 36: The Key To Success

Requiem Arc

37: Directionality 38: Brought To You By The Letter 'N' 39: Long Rest 40: Please Do Not Bother The Violet Guard 41: Crimes 42: MASQUERAAAAAAAAADE 43: Everything Goes Completely Tits-Up 44: Breadcrumbs 45: A Suspiciously Well-Maintained Passageway 46: Foul Water 47: Several Discussions Of Traps 48: In Memoriam (the TREATY puzzle; the party learns everything about the day the world ended 50 years ago) 49: This Is Fine 50: Sax And Violince 51: You Have [36] New Messages

The Siege of Suncrest

52: Storm of Vengeance 53: Andromeda Gets Drugs From The Cops 54: Mindboggling (the party fights boggles) 55: The Siege Of Suncrest 56: What, Like It's Hard? (the party defeats what was meant to be a session-long boss fight in two rounds) 57: Breach 58: Your Stunned Silence Is Very Reassuring (death of a beloved NPC; the party was so stressed that nobody took a single note in the doc) 59: Tallyho 60: Release The Hounds

Faewild Arc

61: Crossover 62: The Tortoise And The Almost Perfect Aesop Reference (the party rides a dragon turtle and meets rabbitfolk) 63: Warren Of The Shining Wires 64: The Next Step 65: Perfect Time To Get Stoned (party fights a gorgon) 66: The Feathered Serpent 67: Plan C: Jo [the DM] Kills Us In Real Life 68: Frostfire 69: Wolves of Winter 70: Do It For The Vine

Endgame

71: [Preposition] The Hedge (the party begins infiltrating the Palace of Summer, which sits at the center of a giant hedge maze) 72: The Dread Gazebo 73: A Wolf A Goose A Cabbage And The Concept Of Summer Walk Into A Bar 74: Domination 75: In Which Nobody Touches Anything (the wizard, after spending the entire session of sneaking through several different trophy rooms frantically trying to keep the party from touching anything, pockets a legendary item off a display case without telling anyone) 76: The Hand Of Fate 77: Hold Fast 78: The Fall Of Summer 79: The Distant Light

#d&d #suncrest

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snug-gyu · 6 months

Text

so another year is coming to an end, and i feel like a lot has happened to me this year that i should do a little post so i can remember everything i went through and the good things that came from it. under the cut cause this will probably get long

so this year i moved back in with my parents for mental health reasons. i left behind a good job, great coworkers and a place i had just recently finally got to myself. even though i had all that, i was still feeling so bad with myself i realized i needed the support to get back to my feet.

i lost my most precious baby in the process to a horrible desease that took him from me in a matter of days, and i had to watch him suffer through it all while not being able to do anything besides make him as comfortable as i could.

with all that, i also got myself into a terrible job that was so taxing on me i feel like i deleted most of those months from my mind as a defense mechanism, to the point i broke down one day after being humiliated by my asshole boss and finally quit.

all of this happened while i changed psychiatrists and treatment at least twice, so the weeks following me quitting my job were very important to finally give my mind some rest and now i'm in a job that is a lot more considerate and less taxing on my mental health.

now on for the good things.

this year i managed to see two of my faves live, nct 127 in january and ateez in august. i haven't been to concerts in so long and now i'm completely addicted. i can't wait to see what 2024 has in store (hopefully skz?)

through all of that, some friends have been soooo important to me. you guys were there for me in my darkest hours and for the happy times as well.

@secretdiaryofanawkward my bestie, i love you. thanks for being there every day with your memes, rants and cat pics. i cherish our memories together even if it's just laying down in silence while we do our own thing. thanks for helping me while i was on my lowest and i'm pretty sure i wouldn't be where i am now mentally without your help

@hongamon , @changbeens and @cryiingemoji . you guys have been with me since last year and i know i can count on you being there to cheer me up with blorbo pics or to talk shit about people. thanks for your friendship and i hope you know i'll always be there if you need me

@ggthydrangea and @winterfloral , your words (or gifs) of reassurance mean the world to me. also @juiceofmoons and @missyedits , even though we didn't talk much i'll always have you in my heart. i know y'all been busy this year with work and uni, but i'm glad we finally managed our mb babes' call

@chanrizard my beloved wife, @decembermoonskz by sweetheart, @agibbangs my spiritual neighbor and the whole of lix jail @leenope @jinniebit @lixence @thnx4thefish @wisteriya @happysmilebtr @babebatter @haenglixie thanks for the chaos and the laughs and even if we don't talk much y'all are very special to me.

all my beloved moots, i love you guys very much and it's lovely to interact with you even if it's just through tags sometimes. you have a special place in my heart and know that if we're moots you're automatically all my friends

@hanjesungs thanks for caring the burden of modding the stayblr server since it's begging and for being the voice of reason when we need it

to all of the people on the stayblr discord server, know that i consider you all my family and going there is like coming home, so thanks for always being so warming and nice to hang around. @hongjoongpresent @brightermorepls @astraykidz @noonaracha

sorry if i forgot anyone, just know that i'm very grateful for all the friends i've made along the way. my ask box and dms are always open 💜💜 thanks and i love y'all

#emotional post coming #tsutalks

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k-martins · 7 months

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May i rant?

The way Gege implies that Naoya and Mei were pedos and then never properly addresses it is really disappointing. Why bring up a horrific issue like that? It serves no purpose. He already made Naoya a total dick with a murderous streak and Mei a greedy bitch without regard for people. They were already obviously terrible people without the additional child predator label.

Like if he’s gonna write characters that way then have them face consequences or if he wants them to get away with it at least write more about the victims so the audience can see how tragic their situations are

Better yet he shouldn’t write that at all and just focus on more character development for the main cast

Ah, little anon, I understand that feeling. Mei Mei and Naoya are two annoying little shits and the way Gege wrote them creates this feeling of "these horrible people are always getting away with it, when will justice be served?". It's frustrating, disgusting and unnecessary. After all, as you said, they've already been presented as nasty people, so why add the list of sins to "child predator"?

Actually, this is a very serious question and I'm just a profile that talks nonsense about ITFS.

But I'll do my best to explain my point of view and why I think Gege is doing an interesting job with his manga.

Well, I'm going to talk about Mei Mei because her situation is much more complicated.

She is a jujutsu sorceress who only cares about her own personal gain, not caring much about the situation if it is sending money into her pocket. So far, we have the character established and, although it is a somewhat altruistic attitude, it is not all bad. She's still there doing her job, still exorcising curses, still giving Yuji a choice between facing a high-grade curse or the humans transfigured by Mahito. Mei Mei is a greedy bitch, but a greedy bitch who does her job at the end of the day (which is expected). Until this moment, we can only consider her an eccentric character.

The issue becomes complicated when we observe her relationship with her younger brother, Ui Ui, a 12-year-old child who is subjected to her sister's technique which consists of suicide, from what I understand. It's a strange relationship, uncomfortable to watch and irritating (Yuji's face is the reaction of all of us seeing it). There IS something strange about these two.

Then we have the Malaysian scene.

I have my own opinions about this scene, but let's move on to what most people think happened. Mei Mei is naked next to her brother suggesting they sleep together. If incest doesn't shock, pedophilia does. And it makes it even worse because this scene takes place after Nanamin says how he would like to go to Malaysia and then he dies. It is at this moment that her question comes:

"Why bring up a horrible issue like this?"

Yes, why Sensei Akutami?

Why put in this horrible scene while we're still dealing with Nanami's death?

Why give Mei Mei, the greedy bitch, Nanami's dream and dirty it with this horrible, heavy-handed insinuation?

Why do I have to watch someone horrible live while a good person dies? … Oh.

Well, this is the point.

In JJK, the world is unequal. Megumi said that herself.

Good people like Nanami, Nobara and Yuji are killed and destroyed while horrible people like Mei Mei, Naoya and Sukuna get what they want. Therefore, their depravities have no consequences. That's why Mei Mei went to Malaysia, that's why Naoya didn't take any more damage, that's why Sukuna beat Satoru.

Gege is laying his cards on the table and saying "Good can lose and evil can win. Nanami's die while Mei Mei's enjoy peace."

This is one of the reasons I believe that even though JJK is a shonen, there is a possibility for Sukuna and Kenjaku to prevail. There's this not-so-small chance that we'll see our good guys blowing up while the bad guys rest in a hotel in Malaysia.

Who knows.

Gege Akutami is unpredictable and there are more names to cross out in his Death Note.

So, to recap, Gege is purposely making bad people with terrible morals "win" to show how unequal and unfair this world is. Good doesn't always win.

It is revolting? For sure.

Would you like justice to prevail? Obvious.

Think this could happen? Perhaps. I dream of this moment.

Well, I hope I made my point clear.

I'm not good at writing analysis or playing characters. But that's more or less how I see Gege's script choices.

Sorry if I didn't talk much about Naoya. I don't remember much about his character other than that he was a misogynistic piece of shit and wanted to kill Megs. I need to reread the manga.

Thanks for the question, little Anon! I had fun writing it! :D

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evilwickedme · 1 year

Note

Ooh, do you have any good Jason fic recs?

anon I cannot tell you how long I've been waiting to see those words!!!! yes I have good Jason fic recs in fact I have so many good Jason fic recs that after narrowing it down I still have fifteen links for you

I have read more fanfic for Jason Todd than maybe any other character ever. I do not understand the hold this man has on me but it's simply the situation we're in. anyway

Jason comes home fics

Make a Little Birdhouse In Your Soul is hands down my favorite. I'm talking favorite DC fic, top fics of all time period, not just from this list. I love this fic series. It is actively and regularly updating, thank fuck, because that little boost of serotonin is everything keeping me going I swear

The 70 Days After Groundhog Day is technically from Dick's POV, but it's about the aftermath of a timeloop that Jason was stuck in. it's. oh my god it's so good. just trust me on this one.

Emotional Motion Sickness is the "bruce goes to therapy" fic series we all want. canon get on this level

Retrograde Motion - I never used to like de-aging fics; not for any particular reason, I just never vibed with them. Recently I decided to see what all the fuss was about (bc there's so goddamn many in this fandom) and I'm glad, because I opened this fic and it's just. oh my god. the use of the de-aging trope here is truly incredible. after a whole week of dipping my feet into the trope I never need to do so again, because this fic made me fucking lose it. this is not going where you think it's going. also, for some reason there's not that much rebirth outlaws fic, and I really like what this author did with that team

matching wounds haha just gonna sneak my fic series on here and pretend that it was an accident, wait how did that get there (some jayroy later in the timeline too which can be read on its own if Jason coming home fics aren't for you)

other non-ship

Too Much Fucking Salt deals with the straw that broke the camel's back. I've read all 22k words of this in one sitting more than once. this is the anti "Jason Todd comes home" fic (this is in itself a whole genre of fic too honestly).

take his name out of your mouth (you don't deserve to mourn) is about Jason mourning himself, which he fucking deserves to. also he smokes a joint with Dick

Sown in Winter is about Jason pulling himself out of a depressive episode partially through the power of Stardew Valley. also technically jayroy, but it's honestly incidental to the story for the most part imo

JayRoy

I do read other ships for Jason but unabashedly this is my favorite, so

A Solid Resume - competency kink. that's all I have to say.

Tenderize is a series of oneshots all of which slowly build Jason and Roy's life together and coparenting lian and I just !!! could also double as a Jason coming home au but honestly that's mostly in the first fic. also a lot of discussion of various chain grocery stores in the united states that I will probably never actually step foot in

Dick Grayson and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Two to Three Weeks (But Who's Counting) is so fucking funny I die every time I reread this. there's a scene early on in a coffee shop that just. I don't even know what to say everything about this is perfect. I AM the girl sticking her nose in their business, at least spiritually.

dust devils on the horizon isn't even the only western au I've bookmarked for these two. something about jayroy and horses, man

unity of time: april 27th, 2020 is just,,,, super sad, man, idk what to tell you. it's f!jayroy, but happens after Roy died in sanctuary during the 24h of Jason's death day, so all of it is very fucking depressing. It's also fucking beautiful. I want to reread it now.

Promise After That I'll Let You Go is a poisonivory fic. I was introduced to poisonivory through the daredevil fandom earlier this year and may I tell you when I found out that this author writes for jayroy I lost my goddamn mind. this is my personal favorite, but I almost recommended at least two more aus. Their jayroy sugar daddy au is one of the only sugar daddy aus I've ever truly enjoyed. also really like the one where roy has had feelings for dick since their teen titans days but still starts a fwb thing with Jason. poisonivory can make me into kinks I'm not even into I s2g. anyway this one has lian literally dragging roy back into jason's life

finally, Reciprocation (or: Sex as Violence) shouldn't even really count as a jayroy fic but I feel weird putting it in the other category since it is sort of a jayroy fic. it's ace-aro!jason, which is one of my personal favorite interpretations of Jason (with so much textual evidence wtf), but there's still like... a lot of sex in this. Jason does not have a healthy relationship with sex in this fic. I would describe this as ending in a QPP for jayroy and lian.

honestly there's a lot of good jason and roy and lian fic out there I didn't rec cause this is already long enough

so yeah this is my very VERY pared down fic rec list for Jason Todd let me know if you want more and thank you so much for asking

#I have 632 fics bookmarked for dc and 130 of them are jayroy #most of the folder is misc and a considerable amount of that is jason focused batfam #oh I should've linked the jason and ollie fic I bookmarked ages ago. oh well I'm not looking for it now it's one thirty am #and I need to be up for work in like. six hours #jason todd #jayroy #batfam #dc #fic recs #before and after fic #gail speaks #ask #anonymous #can somebody confirm redfam is the name for jason roy and lian's dynamic I wasn't confident enough about it to put in the post itself #also it looks like radfem if you're not paying attention

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sagau-my-beloved · 2 years

Note

Do you think Venti would like the food from the real world? I think he’d get sick with fast food or something like that but if reader cooks for him he’d eat it. He’d eat anything that reader makes

Headcanons about sagau Venti with reader in the real world (food edition):

Honestly, that's such an interesting idea, I do think that there's a lot of overlaps with the food in his world and our world, so it doesn't take a whole lot of adjusting, but that being said-

Warnings: general Sagau, like literally nothing else

• Is kind of confused when he first gets to you and your fridge isn't just like brimming with ingredients and meals

• You tell him that you typically either get takeout or cook small meals for yourself to get by

• Since takeout itself does exist in different regions around Teyvat, he's more or less familiar with the concept

• But none of that prepares him for what you actually meant

• Is mildly horrified over how food is preserved, prepared, and just the overall lack of health in it all

• Like you don't really know where your food comes from, or what ingredients were put in to it, or where those ingredients come from—

• He could absolutely never eat fast food and feel well after, the first time he stayed in bed for like the entire day and complained to you constantly over how bad he felt

• You did feel bad about it, obviously his body just wasn't used to that kind of stuff

• Pretty much swore off eating anything that came wrapped in plastic, it just wasn't worth it

• All that strengthened your resolve to try cooking more, going out of your way to use more organic ingredients and actually put effort into making a healthier meal

• Now, he would eat anything you made, it really didn't matter what it was, what it was made of, how good or bad it tasted

• If it tasted absolutely horrible, he would just smile at you and thank you profusely for going out of your way

• If it made him feel bad afterward you wouldn't hear a single word about it

• Is really just very very appreciative when you attempt to make things more to his taste, he hates how much of an inconvenience he's being (but also secretly deeply enjoys the fact that you like him enough to go out of your way for him)

• He also takes up cooking himself, he's got all that time alone while you're off at work or taking classes perhaps

• You're gonna have to show him the basics on how to actually work a stove, all of it really does amaze him

• But before you know it, you're coming home almost every day to something made

• He is very quick to learn your preferences, mentally notes every critique or passing comment you've ever made

• If the food that you make is decent, or at the very least not absolutely terrible, the cooking responsibilities are split roughly 75℅ to 25℅ and you might have a playful argument over who's cooking that night

• "No way. I deeply apologize my muse, but I'm afraid your just going to have to let me treat you tonight." He says with a playful wink, one you can't help but smile at.

• Otherwise it'll probably be closer to 95℅ and 5℅, and as usual, he's absolutely happy to pick up the slack

• Also really loves cooking with you, showing off interesting techniques that he learned from his years of experience, you showing him weird cooking tricks that he never would have thought of

• Occasionally is sad over the lack of certain ingredients that either don't exist or aren't commonly used in your world

• Contributes a bit to his homesickness

• He has a few of his favorite recipes from Mondstadt memorized, and if you try to make them for him he might actually just die

• He just loves you so so much, and you're going out of your way when you already have so much that you have to do, and he wants to be the one that does everything for you!

• Every time you mention you had to get take out or fast food for lunch because of your tight schedule he internally panics

• What if it made you feel bad like him? Even if it doesn't you shouldn't be eating that stuff anyway

• Will actually start packing you lunch if it seems like you aren't doing it for yourself

• Also always leaves really cute notes

• Your co-workers and/or peers are now constantly hounding you about having a secret boyfriend that you haven't told them about

• I touched on this in my last set of headcanons, but he also really likes cooking breakfast since he's often the first one awake (Teyvat fried egg for the win)

• He does like going to slightly nicer restaurants where the ingredients are of a higher quality sometimes too

• The atmosphere was always a bit stifling and it could get rather expensive, but the food was good

• That was reserved for special occasions, he'd much rather have your food than some strangers anyway

• Since there aren't really a whole lot of dessert dishes in the Mondstadt region, he's absolutely amazed by the amount your world has

• But as a result of that lack of tolerance, he's also way more sensitive to sweet tasting things and a lot of things taste too sweet to him

• I headcanon that he's absolutely the type to scrape frosting off cake because of how unbearably sweet it is

• The first time he had ice-cream, his eyes practically sparkled

• Also, it's a personal opinion of mine that he would really like tiramisu because of the balance between sweet and bitter

• But that is also a very dangerous thing

• He has enough energy to run you into circles as it is, mix that with a sweet dessert that is soaked in coffee and you have yourself a recipe for complete chaos

• His first sugar crash is also pretty amusing, goes from living at three times the normal human speed to asleep in less than five minutes

• Wakes up more lethargic than you have ever seen him, along with a headache, and he swears he will never do it again (a total lie)

• It's all a learning experience like a lot of other things, he'll happily take the highs and lows, as long as it's with you

#genshin impact #sagau #yandere genshin x reader #genshin x reader #genshin venti #yandere genshin au #headcannons #venti x reader

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hourglassfish · 9 months

Text

On Season 1, Episode 7 : Part One : I Expect More: Syd and Carmy's Relationship

So I think this is gonna end up being in a few chunks - I think I want to talk about context leading up to the episode:

I Expect More: Syd and Carmy's relationship,

I know you'll be listening: Marcus, McDonald's and Freedom

Risottogate

Hiring New Fucking Broads: Syd, Richie and conflict;

"That's Not You" The Moment Syd Walks Out

So I'm late on this obvs - and I'm sure the whole world and his dog has already said what needs to be said about this episode, but I wanted to think about it anyway. There's a post on here somewhere that says that episode 7 doesn't have a three act structure, that it captures a moment of stress and tension, and that's it - but this isn't quite how I read it, I believe that it does both. How obvious this is all depends on how you frame it.

There's a central feint to The Bear that I come back to often - that you think 'a stranger comes to town' and that that stranger is the return of Carmy, made strange by his time away. Nah! The stranger is Sydney. The show doesn't really start until she arrives, (we know that Carmy's been in Chicago for two weeks, but our story doesn’t start there. There's a reason for this!) she is a force that is shaking things up and providing dynamism. This is not to say Carmy isn't the protagonist, obvs, nor that he is passive, very much not. But it is often her presence, her drive and determination and belief in Carmy, a belief she is unafraid to unabashedly express, which moves him, and moves everyone around him. When she is around, and Carmy lets himself lean into their connection, he is able to articulate - and action - what he wants, to ‘let it rip’.

I say this in relation to episode 7, cus if your focus is Carmy, then it's one minute in time, a Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. But if you focus in on Sydney, it is the story of how she came to quit. Whenever someone is like 'She's a brat! She's arrogant! it was her fault!' - I'm like OK sure - if you want to completely identify with Carmy at his worst, we can do that, and if you want to ignore how the rest of the staff respond to what happens, sure, we can do that too. We can do that. But the show is really clear on the framing of what happens.

So let's begin with the context of where this day comes from.

There is an ambiguity to Carmy and Sydney's working relationship which very much works in his favour. Very much.

In the week that she staged, Syd quickly finds herself as sous, because she has to. The kitchen is not functioning, and Carmy does not have the emotional skills, or at least the emotional bandwidth, to navigate the grief and anger and dysfunction they are all engaged in, to get the kitchen to a place where it can work. There was a reason Kitchen Nightmares made such compelling TV, and it was because behind bad food, ugly decor and terrible profit margins were almost always a bunch of people that were hurting. Carmy may be Gordon Ramsay here, but its Syd who's the hard working, behind the scenes producer, doing the actual graft that pulls it all back together.

She then spent her time away from work essentially formulating a business plan (she proposes first! way before 1:8) to make the restaurant profitable. We know Carmy is bad at this. Richie articulates as much ; 'you've been here two weeks and we've had money problems for two weeks'. Sydney's able to not only see the problems in a week but also suggest practical fixes. This is where they overspend i.e. its the delivery on the flour, not the material itself - and this is how to fix it - Marcus drives to pick it up. Instantly actionable. She has skills from Sheridan that are better suited to running a business like the Beef than the skills and tastes that Carm has from being Chef De Carmy* at Eleven Madison Park or Noma. It will never not be funny to me that she presents this to him in episode 2, and that in episode 3 he says 'I'll dial business, you do everything else' - my guy she has already done it!!! You are not slick!

She's does a lot of the emotional labour of getting the brigade into shape: the shitty, endless nagging, being the bad (or at least annoying) guy over and over again, despite clearly being one of the youngest there, and the newest member of staff. She does this without the authority of being an owner, or a member of the family. I'm gonna try and avoid referring to gender and race explicitly here - like the show does, LOL - but like... it's there. We all know it's there.

We know she is brilliant in a crisis: in Sheridan Carmy tells her they can't afford to lose a single service, so when the electricity goes and the gas goes, she sets up a fucking BBQ from found building materials outside. It's kind of incredible, and they all know and acknowledge it. (Sheridan, Review and The Bear are three different stories of crisis management, and thinking about them that way is really useful)

She is in! 100%. All of her energy and creativity and care and patience have gone into The Bear, it flourishes under the love that is still looking for a home following Sheridan Road’s demise. They are fucking so lucky to have her, and to have her at this specific moment in time.

What exactly does she get back from Carmy for that? There's her wage, of course. She's working well beyond what she's being paid, but you know, it's her job. There's a bunch of stuff we could say about the satisfaction of doing a job well - but that's not what she gets from him.

She supposedly gets a boss that listens to her, she gets to not have some psycho stood behind her pushing and screaming. But this is conditional. He may not scream at her (up until episode 7) but he'll 'cut her down to size' if he needs to - the conversation about stock/jus/demi-glace in episode 3, mentioning that he sought out references and slapping her with a bunch of unanticipated feedback from all her former employers when he essentially wants her to shut up about the risotto/short rib, lots of co-ercive 'are we good chef?' business (straight out of the Donna playbook, I am not, and I cannot emphasise this enough, a fan).

The main thing she gets is to be close to him and learn from him, which we know was really important for her. I think he knows it too. JAW plays it as though he knows she lied about coming to the Beef every Sunday. She’s up front on knowing who he is, so it’s not a stretch to believe that he also knows that she's there for him. She plays her cards close to her chest on all this for a reason: that same admiration has the potential to set up a very specific power dynamic, one where she simply wants to be in the presence of his 'greatness'. ***

That's the exchange, for so, so, so much labour. It's not really equitable, and I think this is a tension throughout the show**, and why I'm never fully on board with sydcarmy stuff, even whilst being able to see the vision. Like... you should be staring at her with adoration, fam, and you should be fucking terrified that she’ll leave! She's carrying a lot of this shit! Carmy knows that, even if you don’t! You don’t make an offer like the one at the end of S1 unless you really want to hold on to that person - be that romantic, platonic, or purely pragmatic (she’s a good worker). In Hands he explicitly tells her that it’s much more work than he can pay her for.

(I'm still quietly horrified by the fact that Syd is deferring her wages for six months... but not getting a profit share? fam. FAM! Looked at through a race and gender lens? In Chicago? It is no coincidence that the people that most explicitly tells her to be cautious are her father and another Black woman)

I want to make sure I've clearly said that none of this is intended as a blistering criticism of Carmy. I feel immense sympathy for him. He is grieving, and having arrived late*****, he has missed much of the communal grieving processes, like funerals, and sorting through people's stuff, that people really need to do together. He's absolutely burnt out and the role he is in requires a skill set he does not yet have (it is poignant that Syd is like ‘why are you buying farmer’s market produce?’ - Tina is right to point out that it’s not Noma, Richie and Michael’s system will have had its strengths). I'm not sure if anyone at The Beef truly knows the extent of his panic/anxiety, nor do I think he is getting treatment. I imagine he must be in flight/fight mode 24 hours a day, which, as anyone who has experienced this knows, feels like you're literally about to die. Always. Always. We are not designed to feel like that for so long.

I don't think he's some machiavellian mastermind extracting her labour from her. I think she is a lifeline and he clings. She offers, and he takes. We know from 2:9 's panic attack, that her seeing him, really, truly, *seeing* him was a deeply meaningful moment for him, that her making the choice to be at the Beef with him before she truly knew him was affirmative and transformative, and her staying, even after watching Richie bully and undermine him, even more so. I rewatched Hands today, and when she hands him the portfolio and tells him he needs help… his little face! Carmy is moving from crisis to crisis, but Syd’s head is just a little bit above the parapet, and she can think differently. He needs that, and no one deserves to feel alone with all the problems he is carrying with The Beef.

That said, I also think he can buy into his own hype, (it’s a good thing, that your sister doesn’t think you’re a genius fam), enjoys when Syd buys into it too and struggles when she does not. This is understandable. The only other person who really understands his success is Pete, who is bottom of the pecking order. He got very successful, very young. He worked hard for that but he also has the expected ego (we’ll return to this!) regardless of the fact that he is a decent guy. Syd is often negotiating this ego. He listens to her, depends on her and needs her, but he also gets to hold her to his unspecific 'higher standard',**** and 'expect more' when they clash or disagree, to wield small mistakes over her like a thunderstorm, to remind her that they both come from a cooking world where abuse is casual and accepted in pursuit of excellence.

This lack of clarity is such a fertile breeding ground for abuse. When you live in a society that is built on abusive dynamics, abuse isn't something that only evil monsters do, it's a clear and constant danger that anyone can slip into at any moment in time. That is why clear, well communicated boundaries are so important.

Everything that happens in episode 7 is a result of this messiness that has been coalescing around The Beef from the start of the series. The ambiguity of this specific dynamic, so central to the restaurant and the show itself, is one of the cornerstones of that.

Carmy can change up the dynamic of their relationship at any moment. He can be her 'mentor' when he wants to cut her down to size, he can be her 'partner' when he needs work from her, he can be a romantic and sensitive 'friend' (that looks like Jeremy Allen White) when he needs her to stay. She can never quite find her feet.

In episode 7, their dynamic changes multiple times. Are they going to be partners that solve this problem together? She tries for that, but she is swiftly, and brutally, ejected from the expo, a role that she has been in pretty much consistently, since the moment she gets the job. The team defers to her, as they've become used to, right up until the moment he screams at her to move. As in Brigade, with the stock, she is being humiliated again.

Will he be her friend, with their connection being the motor for everything else? Ehhhhn, she tries twice to talk about his clear frustration about the risotto review, he is it not having it!

Perhaps he will be her mentor here, who will model best practice in the face of a crisis they deal with together? Well… he certainly models something.

The pre order option being left on is a small mistake. Easily done, a box was ticked or unticked. Small, like leaving a packet of cigarettes near a burner while you scrub the floor, or spilling a bottle of Xanax in a children’s drinks cooler. Much less dangerous too. An easy mistake to make, and the show as a whole is very permissive about mistake making. A huge part of Uncle Jimmy’s narrative role is to make it so that mistakes don’t really stick! The show does not punish fucking up.

Maybe if they had gotten Richie set up on the tablet earlier, they'd have noticed it then. Maybe if Carmy, who was ‘dialling business’ while Syd did everything else had been training Richie, he would have clocked it instead. We’ll never know. What we do know is that there is no perspective around this, Syd’s mistake, and that when the time comes to solve it, both men ignores the skills that they know she has, and dismiss the good faith she should have accrued from months of dedication. Any warmth, respect, gratitude and care that Carmy has had for Syd up until this point dissipates, almost instantly. It's a deeply destabilising moment for the whole kitchen, but for their relationship especially.

It's hard to say much more without referring to the next sections. So...

More next time!

*I know it's Chef De Cuisine, but Chef De Carmy or Carmy De Cusine is more fun to say

**and in a bunch of work places, tbh, where a white male 'genius' is surrounded by a group of POC and women working their arses off while him and his mates dip in and out... OH NO I WENT THERE

*** I think this drives a lot of Carmy's absenteeism as well. It's weird to watch season one post season two, and see how often the team is split, for good and bad reasons. In Hands, Syd and Richie are both doing Carmy's head in, and he jumps at the chance to send them to get caulk. There’s the infamous Al Anon run in Brigade, followed by him sort of lolling about in the office (I know he’s bookkeeping), in Sheridan he does the meat run to Nat/Pete's, in Dogs they're doing the kids bday party, in Ceres for a large chunk of the day he's in the office... it's not the same as his abandoning of Syd with the menu, but you can see how scattered he is from day one, between the demands of the Beef and the demands of his family. I dunno how Michael did it, tbh. Well he couldn't, could he. That's the tragedy.

**** truly cringe to listen to a white man tell a Black woman he holds her to a different standard, as though the world is not already doing that to her. I remain, a sydcarmy safe space but ooooof. I dunno. Like I don’t need or want the Shonda ‘twice as hard, half as much’ speech to be in the show, but the women, especially the WOC, in this show don’t half put up with some shit.

***** convinced this will be a plot point next season, btw. There will be a reason why he wasn’t there and it’ll come up around Marcus’s mom’s funeral, or palliative care.

#the bear #carmy berzatto #sydney adamu

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