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it-happened-one-fic · 1 month

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Sparring Sessions - Silver

Author Notes: So.. this fic is a sort of odd one in a lot of ways. I guess you could say I was inspired by a line from Silver's P.E. uniform where he says something about how he thinks Prefect has talent with a sword. To be honest, this fic has just been sitting in my google docs gathering dust and occasionally getting workshopped for quite some time. I really didn't know what else to post this week, so this one ended up being the lucky fic. As per usual, reader is gender-neutral. I hope you enjoy!

Type: Gender-neutral reader/ fluff/ platonic or romantic

Word count: 1154

I panted slightly. Sliding backwards through the sand but not landing on my butt through sheer willpower and determination. From across the sandy sparring area, found in the shadow of Diasomnia’s dorm, Silver straightened. Ever calm and elegant.

He didn’t look out of breath or the slightest bit worn out, despite the fact that I was struggling to even halfway keep up with his pace.

Why exactly had I agreed to learn swordplay from Silver? Because he’d certainly done a good job of marketing it. Good enough that I almost wanted to tell Azul he should think about hiring the young man if it wouldn’t bring quite so much trouble to Silver’s doorstep.

Nonetheless, Silver’s reasoning had been strong.

Swordplay would be a means by which I could defend myself and would ensure that I was better prepared for the next overblot, whenever and if another occurred. Additionally, I didn’t have magic and was likely to be taken advantage of. Being able to defend myself would lessen that risk too.

Silver had also gotten Sebek on the case, who was more than happy to praise the virtues of learning swordplay. Citing it as a way to strengthen character as well as make me more capable.

All of that, plus a longing for something to do outside of Crowley’s many tasks and homework, had led me to this point. Determinedly sparring with Silver yet again, in an effort to beat him at least once.

Of course, before this point, there had been my lengthy training. Malleus and Lilia had both been delighted when I’d showed up asking to be trained, with Lilia even offering to be the one to teach me.

It hadn’t been very long at all, though, before my prospective teacher had backpedaled out of his offers. And I’d been surprised, until I’d learned that Lilia had done this because Silver had, out of nowhere and to the utter delight of his father, stated that he had been planning on being the one to teach me.

And teach me he had. But Silver was not exactly a kind teacher. He wasn’t cruel by any means; far from it. But he also didn’t take it easy on me. And he pushed me hard.

I’d come here to learn, and learn I would. My safety was dependent on it. But I was thankful for the way he pushed me. He didn’t coddle me, which was what I wanted.

But, that said, it didn't make repetitively losing any more enjoyable.

I huffed slightly as Silver shifted, preparing to launch towards me and continue our little joust the moment it became clear that I wasn’t about to tumble over.

His eyebrows rose at my frustrated expression, his single reaction before he darted forward at what ought to be inhuman speeds. Unfortunately, though, he was simply that fast.

I’d learned that the hard way.

Silver would never use magic against me. After all, he was chivalrous and fair, just a bit air-headed at times. However, that meant he only ever used his own innate, albeit trained, capabilities. Even if they seemed vaguely superhuman.

At the very least, I was beginning to understand exactly why Sebek was so frustrated by his seniors' skills. Even though I knew he’d had to train just as hard as anyone else, Silver’s proficiency was definitely kind of annoying.

I dodged to the side and whirled, launching myself at him. Because I knew perfectly well that this was my only chance to get him down.

His eyes went wide as I collided with him, knocking him off balance and sending us both tumbling towards the hard ground.

And I could hardly believe my luck when his back hit the earth.

He let out a soft grunt just before I landed on top of him, my wooden sword pressing into the ground just next to him. I panted heavily, looking down with slight surprise at the similarly startled young man under me.

As shock wore away, I felt pride set in, and a pleased smile curled across my face, “Ha! I win.”

I couldn’t help but teasingly gloat a little, and Silver’s wide-eyed surprise was soon replaced by a slight smile. And, for a brief moment, I genuinely believed that his smile was one of pride in the fact that his student finally won their first bout.

In reality, though, it was anything but.

His hand curled around my wrist, and, with a sudden shove paired with a yank, I had been flipped over and forced onto my back. My wooden sword rolling pitifully away across the ground.

It was my turn to stare wide-eyed up at the young man who now knelt above me, pale hair hanging around his face as he looked down at me.

To make matters worse, one of his hands securely held my wrists pinned to the ground over my head, while the other held his wooden sword to my neck. There was no getting out of this one.

“Never proclaim your victory until it is sure.” Ever the teacher, even with that frustratingly charming, if small, smile still on his face.

For a brief second, I just stared up at him, shocked. And then I felt frustration well up within me.

I began to thrash around, attempting to break his grip or knock him off me, one. Neither happened, though.

Instead, Silver remained unmoved, looking down at me with that slight smile still playing on his face. His eyes gave away his amusement, though. Beautiful purple yet blue eyes gleaming down at me with barely concealed humor.

Normally such a sight was impossible to see, but I’d been getting better at reading Silver and his subtle expressions. It wasn’t that he didn’t get amusement from things; it was just that he had to keep himself calm or risk suddenly falling asleep.

I at last stopped, breathing heavily from exertion, and he tilted his head, ever-patient and not the slightest bit condescending, as he calmly questioned me, “Done?”

I huffed out a sigh, letting myself flop against the ground and turning my face away so that I was looking across the training area instead of up at him. Even then, though, I could still see him perfectly through my peripheral vision, “I yield.”

He nodded, his smile briefly reappearing as he shifted, got off me, and stood. He held out one hand, which I silently accepted, letting him pull me to my feet with ease.

He picked up my sword and watched silently as I brushed the sand off my gym uniform. I glanced over at him, waiting for him to speak, and he tilted his head, “Next Tuesday?”

The tell-tale glimmer in his eyes said everything, but I found myself grinning back at him because I would be lying if I said I wasn’t enjoying our little sparring sessions, even if he was a beyond frustrating opponent, “You’re on.”

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bloodscribed · 1 month

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PROMPTS FROM VARIOUS LITERARY SOURCES.

I have not broken your heart — you have; and in breaking it, you have broken mine.

I cannot make you understand. I cannot make anyone understand what is happening inside me. I cannot even explain it to myself.

Since we're all going to die, it's obvious that when and how don't matter.

When life itself seems lunatic, who knows where the madness lies?

To dream the impossible dream, that is my quest.

When we set the carriage afire, her flesh will be roasted, her bones will be charred: she will die an agonizing death.

What isn't part of ourselves doesn't disturb us.

I have been and still am a seeker, but I have ceased to question stars and books; I have begun to listen to the teaching my blood whispers to me.

The bird fights its way out of the egg.

I have no right to call myself one who knows.

We who bore the mark might well be considered by the rest of the world as strange, even as insane and dangerous.

I have no idea whether parents can be of help, and I do not blame mine.

At one time I had given much thought to why men were so very rarely capable of living for an ideal. Now I saw that many, no, all men were capable of dying for one.

I will not make a gift of myself, I must be won.

Examine a person closely enough and you know more about him than he does himself.

One cannot apologize for something fundamental, and a child feels and knows this as well and as deeply as any sage.

The tree does not die. It waits.

Fate and character are different names for the same idea.

As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live.

A man sees in the world what he carries in his heart.

All theory is gray, my friend. But forever green is the tree of life.

I am not omniscient, but I know a lot.

Everything transitory is but an image.

One mind is enough for a thousand hands.

Man errs, till he has ceased to strive.

Words are mere sound and smoke, dimming the heavenly light.

But you will never know another's heart, unless you are prepared to give yours too.

The Devil's in the house and can't get out.

Men's wretchedness in soothe I so deplore.

To go wrong in one's own way is better than to go right in someone else's.

It takes something more than intelligence to act intelligently.

Your worst sin is that you have destroyed and betrayed yourself for nothing.

When reason fails, the devil helps!

A hundred suspicions don't make a proof.

The man who has a conscience suffers whilst acknowledging his sin. That is his punishment.

The fear of appearances is the first symptom of impotence.

Break what must be broken, once for all, that's all, and take the suffering on oneself.

Have you ever heard of 'a genius who had been stuffed and preserved'?

Every day I am fated to die.

All the activities of life seem unbearably dull to me and I have renounced them.

If you would be nice to me, I would gladly die for you this moment.

Having made an utter failure of my life, I found myself one day in the midst of my poverty and wretchedness, thinking about the female companions of my youth.

So, surrender to sleep at last. What a misery, keeping watch through the night, wide awake -- you’ll soon come up from under all your troubles.

Man is the vainest of all creatures that have their being upon earth.

There is a time for making speeches, and a time for going to bed.

For there is nothing better in this world than that man and wife should be of one mind in a house.

I swear by the greatest, grimmest oath that binds the happy gods.

Few sons are the equals of their fathers; most fall short, all too few surpass them.

#rp memes ;;#original memes ;;#roleplay prompts #rp memes #rp prompts #roleplay meme #roleplay memes #rp meme #roleplay prompt

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whatbigotspost · 1 year

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What I wish I could get people who didn’t grow up in highly controlled, abusive environments to understand is that when the very people who are forming you are really fucked up and bad, you are FULLY incapable of knowing that as a kid.

You’re not capable of “damn my dad is really not ok” or “mom is toxic” for a long time. It’s years and years of “this is life. That is my dad. That’s my mom. It’s just how it is.” It often takes PAINFUL moments of realization to get to even questioning if your life isn’t normal. In fact, in my experience, it takes many painful moments to eventually get you there. Someone at school making fun of your parents, for example. Or some outside caring adult noticing things they seem worried about w/ you. Or a particularly extreme incident of abuse that shakes you. Or reading/hearing someone recount abuse they survived and you get the sick realization it’s like a mirror for you.

When your primary caregivers are your means of survival, your brain wraps you in many many many protective layers of denial and whatever the fuck else it needs to so that you can get through it. Many folks like myself will spend more time healing ourselves as adults from our childhood than we spent in the childhood of trauma itself.

Also, let’s be real, an implication I’m making here is that a lot of folks don’t even pick at the thread of “was I abused?” because it’s too overwhelming all together. Or even “was my childhood kinda fucked up?”

Spoiler alert. If your childhood was kinda fucked up, it’s better, in the long run, to acknowledge and address that. Anyway, this is my characteristically long winded way of wanting to recommend some books on the subject that I have found deeply relatable and meaningful:

•Jeanette McCrurdy’s memoir I’m Glad My Mom Died: If you’d be up for an unflinching look at a deeply difficult childhood that includes physical, sexual, and emotional abuse and neglect and disordered eating in the Disney-universe, this is your read. Thinking about what McCurdy has had to overcome chills me to my core but the feelings she shares in words felt deeply relatable and I know they will help many.

•Ashley Ford’s memoir Somebody’s Daughter: I’m biased to love her because she’s a fellow Hoosier but you will love her too. Incredibly well written and deeply moving, Ford’s memoir covers her childhood with an abusive mother, a father in jail for rape, and survivorship of her own rape, as well as her place thriving now. She offers us such meaningful processing of her story. (And just writing style wise, this one is a mega fave.)

•Grace Cho’s memoir Tastes Like War: this one is a deep dive into Cho’s upbringing with a mother (who like one of my parents) has schizophrenia. I found her account of having a first hand seat to a parent’s mental health decline too relatable. The components of her story that focus on her mom’s experience of war and immigrating from Korea and the role that Korean food plays in their lives, are moving beyond words.

•Tara Westover’s memoir Educated: having been raised in a very isolated, survivalist Mormon family and tiny community in Idaho, Westover shares her personal story of a quest for escape and education. Although my family was nowhere nearly so unusual and isolated as Westover’s, I feel what she chronicles will highly resonate with anyone raised by someone who seeks to keep you away from “mainstream influences” or who is any level of survivalist.

Obviously, these are heavy reads and DO NOT check them out if you don’t feel in the right headspace. Each one moved me to tears multiple times. But if your awful/strange childhood and leaving it (them) behind makes you feel alone trust me YOU ARE NOT ALONE ❤️

I also recommend these reads for anyone who wants to see at an anecdotal level what are experiences of people raised in highly abusive environments and/or raised by parents struggling with mental illnesses and/or people raised in high control situations. Chances are you know/love someone who fits that description and you may gain helpful insights.

#abuse #rape #mental illness #child abuse #neglect #resources

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aphroditelovesu · 8 months

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Hi !yandere, can I have a love letter for Alexander the Great and Sultan Mehmet the Conqueror (a reader who ran away to his family)

Alexander the Great

My love,

I write these words with a heavy heart and a burning soul, because since the moment you left, my life has become an unbearable void. Each night, I lie in my bed, looking at the space you once occupied, smelling the soft scent of your hair that still lingers in my memory.

It is undeniable that in my quest to conquer distant lands and achieve eternal glory, I have lost myself in my own desire for power and greatness. I realize now that I neglected what mattered most: you, the sun that lit up my world.

I understand that you ran away from me, perhaps rightly so, to find security and peace. However, I can't help but implore you to consider returning. I'm willing to give up everything I've built, all the lands I've conquered, just to feel your warmth one more time.

I promise that I will be a better man, that I will treasure our moments together as precious treasures, and that I will protect you with all my might. My beloved, my heart belongs to you and no one else, and I will never allow anyone to separate us again.

Please think about it, as my existence without you is empty and meaningless. My sweetheart, I love you more than life itself and would do anything to have you back.

With eternal love and longing,

Alexander.

Mehmed the Conqueror

My beloved,

I write this letter with a dark mind and a heart filled with torment, for since you fled, my soul has been condemned to endless darkness. I remember the nights when your smile lit up my world and your presence filled my being with joy. Now, I am consumed by the absence you left behind.

I have committed terrible acts in my pursuit of conquest, but know that they were all motivated by an unhealthy desire to protect you, to keep you safe from any danger that might come your way. My beloved, you don't understand how much I love you and what I am capable of doing to have you back in my arms.

I understand that you ran away from me in search of freedom and security, but, my love, the world outside is dangerous and full of threats. I am willing to destroy any obstacle that stands in our way, to tear the world apart to find you and bring you back to me.

I can't live without you, my beloved. My heart belongs to you, and only you. I swear that I will be better, that I will do whatever is necessary to deserve your presence in my life. No matter where you are hiding, I will find you.

Please consider returning willingly, my beloved. I love you more than life itself, and our union is the only way to my redemption. Without you, I'm just an empty shadow, and my love for you is so deep that the mere thought of living without you is unbearable.

With the deepest love,

Mehmed.

#yandere love letter #love letter #history #yandere history #yandere historical characters #yandere alexander the great #yandere alexander the great x reader #yandere alexander the great love letter #alexander the great x reader #yandere mehmed the conqueror #yandere mehmed the conqueror x reader #yandere mehmed the conqueror love letter #mehmed the conqueror x reader

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mischiefwrites · 7 months

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This is something I wanna talk about because I have seen writers/artists/oc creators do and I want to talk about it because it really rubs me the wrong way.

If you're wanting to make a "sociopath" or "psychopath" character, what you're really creating is a character who has ASPD (Antisocial Personality Disorder, or Dissocial Personality Disorder) which is NOT synonymous with villainy. Your character is not automatically a bad person or a villain solely because they have ASPD. If you're going for the emotionless, cold-hearted, doesn't care about anyone type of villain, then you can just create that by itself without tacking a mental illness onto it. There's really no need to call every single character that has those traits a "sociopath", not only because the term is outdated and is often taken offensively, but also because it's lazy and insulting character writing/analysis, and very stereotyped for what ASPD actually is. It's also just insulting to those who suffer from ASPD, who may be greatly impacted or disabled by their disorder, to see people use "sociopath" to mean "evil murderer selfish bad guy character."

You're automatically creating a character with a complex mental illness, and possibly a lot of ongoing childhood trauma if you're planning to create a character that's a "sociopath", aka a character with a personality disorder. You ARE obligated to research this illness and obligated to challenge whatever prejudice or preconceived bias you have around ASPD, or else you're never gonna truly come close to understanding your antisocial character. You're obligated to write a PERSON who deserves to be as complex, nuanced, capable of good and bad, etc as any other character regardless of what disorder they may have.

One of my most fascinating and favourite characters has ASPD, and I would've truly sold myself and his character so much shorter than what's forgivable if I treated him the same way I see some other creators treat their "sociopath" characters. Characters with stigmatized disorders deserve so much better than what's often done with them, and those with stigmatized disorders deserve so much better than the same trope we've seen 100 different types and then the label of their disorder just slapped haphazardly on top of it.

This also goes for characters who have NPD aka Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I don't accept prejudice against personality disorders on my blog.

#submission #submitted by my friend #aspd #npd #writing #writing villains

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tobiasdrake · 2 months

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That's everyone. Time to check out the Favor Tree, then we're on to the Clocktower meetup.

So how's this work? Do I just tell the tree what I want? Do I yank off a leaf and then write my request on it?

I dunno. Given that the rules are lax enough that a Favor Tree is as simple as "the biggest tree nearby" I think there's probably some leeway here. There may not be any particular rules for how we're supposed to pray to it.

Then again, that is the kind of logic that leads to the Bystander Effect. If everybody thinks like that and then nobody wishes for Vaugarde's salvation, that's a whoopsy-doodle. So it's better to inconvenience myself, at the risk of redundancy, for the sake of locking in aid for people in crisis.

Of course, it's not impossible to have your cake and eat it when it comes to wish-granting. All of these potential wishes are things that my team wants to do once the King has been defeated. Granting a wish for these things necessarily requires that Vaugarde be saved.

Therefore, I can wish for something for myself that nonetheless adds the strength of my wish to whatever existing pool of wishes towards Vaugarde's salvation already exists! This is what we call "gaming the system".

And while I wish the best for everyone, there is one person whose desires matter more than anybody else's.

Odile, Maribelle, and Isabeau all have dreams and ambitions for the future. That's great. I'm happy for them. But Bonnie doesn't. Bonnie has trauma. If I'm going to spend a wish on anyone, it's going to be for Bonnie to be healed.

If only one of us can have what they want, it should be them. A lost child's wish to save their family is worth more than gold.

Okay PARTY TIME

Alright y'all, come clean. Who ripped the bread in half and just left it on the table like that?

Or. Wait. Is that the bread, of "breaking bread"? Did we literally break bread? And then not eat it?

Are... are you supposed to eat it? Is it rude to break the bread and then not eat it? Or is it sacrilegious to eat broken bread? I feel like the bread's just going to waste if you don't eat it. But maybe it's a holy gesture? Maybe the act of letting the bread go stale... symbolizes its Change from a state of freshness to a state of badness.

Or maybe one of us here is just a dipshit who doesn't understand the phrase. Looking at you, Isa. On the "Risk of Dipshit" Scale, you're Suspect #2.

Suspect #1 is me but I'm, like, 65% sure I didn't do it.

You made the entire feast all by yourself? I am simultaneously very impressed with you and also tremendously disappointed in the rest of us. Four grown-ass adults and not one of us pitched in to assist the child in the kitchen. I am ashamed of every single one of us.

SPEECH SPEECH SPEECH SPEECH

Uh. No. Appreciate the sentiment but you're wrong. I don't know if you have Pocket Notes on the stakes of this thing but "Everyone dies tomorrow" isn't something people get to opt out of.

I know you don't want to think of membership in this crew as compulsory but... it kind of is. Our options are "Roll the dice tomorrow" or "Find a nice place to die". The latter of which is something most of the town is actively preparing for.

People are capable of tremendous acts of selfless courage when they have no hope of survival. With that in mind, I intend to be very brave tomorrow. There's only one place to do that.

You know, I'm used to rousing campfire speeches having a lot more swearing, raging narcissism, and thematically inappropriate criminality. But this is nice too. All-a y'all are swell. I'm happy to be a part of this.

My dude, I was wide awake. I slept all day today. I was just trying to be politely still so everyone else can sleep, while quietly going over Rock Paper Scissors strategies in my head.

The trick is to not throw the wrong symbol. But to make them think you're going to throw the wrong symbol, so they play into your hands when you throw the right symbol. *sage wisdom*

I love you too, man. Still making sense of things too much to decide if that's romantic or platonic but one way or another we're tight.

Mm. Pillow beats Rock. Good to know. See, that is why I've been silently reviewing Rock Paper Scissors strategies.

Good night, Isa. We'll continue this talk on the day after tomorrow, so long as it comes to pass.

#in stars and time #drake plays in stars and time

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xx-slug-xx · 8 months

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Hey @rittz :) this is my side blog so I’m replying to you in a post. If you want to reply to whatever I say here, then I’d really appreciate it if you just did so through reblog if that’s fine with you lol

First of all, I’m not uncomfortable with my identity whatsoever. I wouldn’t even say I exist in a middle ground either, and I’m also not uncomfortable with that fact about myself. I cannot control my identity, and I’m perfectly fine with that, but that doesn’t mean that my identity isn’t complex. I love being complex! This is especially true when talking about sexuality. Humans are complicated creatures after all, so I am no different. I actually don’t lean on any one single label to describe my sexuality, because multiple labels are able to define me in some way. I don’t know what to tell you, but I find it redundant that people expect every person on this planet to adhere to there personal expectations for any given label, especially for those in the LGBTQ+ community. I’m not apologetic about that, or the fact that I don’t fit into your personal definition for any given term. You say I’m “not actually asexual”, however, you know nothing about me besides the post that you commented on. You don’t know my life, my sexual history, or what lead me to use the label in the first place. People use labels for different reasons. Most people don’t just uses a label because it sounds cool. They choose a label that they personally feels best defines them. I am no different. Labels for my sexual identity aren’t for others to apply to me, it’s for me to apply to myself based on my own personal life experiences.

I find it funny that you have claimed to not be aphobic. However, most of the points you’ve made have been, inherently, aphobic talking points. “you’re too young”, “you don’t have the sexual experience to know”, “not being a sexual person can be normal”, and “you haven’t found the right person” are all aphobic talking points, and yet, you used all of them in some capacity. You can claim you aren’t aphobic all you want, but it’s obvious that you have internalize aphobia in some form due to how you discuss this issue. And to address these points, I’m an adult (21) whose more than capable of knowing what I want, and I have absolutely no desire for sexual intimacy with another person. It’s not that hard to understand, both for myself and for others. My age doesn’t dictate anything about my sexuality or how much I am aware of it’s affect on me, and the same goes for others in the LGBTQ+ community. I find it rude that you make assumptions about my sexual history due to my age and due to the fact that I do not fit into your personal deffiniton for “asexual”. It’s much more rude when you know you’ve said aphobic things and are inherently being exclusionist, and try to deflect it by saying you aren’t. This goes for anyone. It’s a bad argument when you say one thing while trying to make yourself look better by saying that the opposite is true. It’s not too dissimilar to “I’m not racist, but-”, though obviously, it’s not exact. You can say you aren’t trying to be rude and whatever else, but that doesn’t make what you have to say change it’s meaning into something that someone won’t take as being objectively rude.

You’re right in saying that asexual and allosexual are not sliding scales. It’s a spectrum, but that’s sexuality in general. People use labels for different reasons. Personally, I have found that using the asexual label to define me is a whole lot easier when I have to discuss my sexuality with others. If I were to go into depth, it would be an essay. I’m not going to confuse others with a long-winded response to a simple question. Telling people “I’m asexual” is more comfortable for me and for others. I also do not need to explain my sexuality in depth to anyone, and that includes you. Nobody has the right to know everything about me, let alone why I chose a specific label. That’s the whole point in labels, partially, in my opinion. A single word that can be used to define and simplify a very complex aspect of a person, that’s how I see labels.

It’s also more than strange to me that you, someone who isn’t asexual, is trying to define what the term means for us. This assumption is based on the fact that you only refer to other people as being asexual, and not yourself. If you don’t apply to this label, then who are you to tell us how we are supposed to use it? Now I could be wrong in this, if so, then let me know.

You’re also trying to imply that I imagine allosexuals as people who are always horny. Which isn’t true for me and how almost every person defines the term “allosexual”. You’re coming up with arguments that are based purely on hypotheticals. Your also implying that libido and sexual atraction are the same thing, which they aren’t. I, and anyone else, can be horny and not want to be sexually intimate and/or experience attraction. Don’t equate a biological response to stimuli that people experience and say that every time someone feels horny (or really, any form of arousal), then they are feeling sexual attraction. That’s a very dangerous way of thinking. An example for why this is true would be people with P-OCD who experience any form of arousal from their intrusive thoughts, which is quite commonly found in any sexually-themed intrusive thoughts. Key word is intrusive thoughts, as they are unwanted and people who experience these thoughts are often disgusted by them. Though it’s unwanted, they feel arousal nonetheless. This arousal does not mean they are attracted to these thoughts, or the idea of acting on them. It’s just how the brain and body work together. You can do your own research on the topic if you don’t believe me.

The LGBTQ+ community is full of labels that can change meaning depending on how an individual defines that term for themselves. An example would be calling yourself “gay”. Gay is most often used to define people who experience homosexual attraction. However, different people will use it in different ways. It doesn’t just mean that someone is a gay man or a lesbian. A lot of bisexual people, pansexual people, and others will use the term “gay” to describe themselves. People generally call themselves gay if they feel any sort of attraction, in any amount, towards someone who isn’t the opposite gender. People also commonly call themselves gay if they are attracted to agender, non-binary, and/or genderfluid people. However, for some people, when applied to that specific individual, “gay” means they are only attracted to people of the same gender. The point is, the label “gay” doesn’t just have one stagnant meaning applied to it. It all depends on how an individual is defining it for themselves, not for others. The same can be said for asexual people as well, from my personal experience with myself and the asexual community.

From my experience with people who describe themselves using “asexual”, or any other label under the ace umbrella, their lack of sexual attraction has a much larger role in their sexuality than any sort of feeling of allosexuality does. Aceflux, grey ace, and demisexual are all a few examples of labels people use when they fit into the ace spectrum in some fashion. If you try to argue that these well established labels for peoples’ sexualities do not exist, then I cannot feel comfortable arguing about this with you. It is not appropriate to discuss the existence of other people and their experience with their sexuality in a way that at all insinuates that they are “wrong” or that these sexualities “do not exist”.

I typically use the label “aegosexual” because I fit into that term to the T. However, most people don’t know what that word even is. I also don’t want to explain it to people constantly. Because it fits under the asexual umbrella, I just use “asexual” when I’m in the real world. Or, I just say “queer”. It’s really not a big deal and it doesn’t hurt people. It doesn’t even muddle the original term in any fashion, from my standpoint at least, because it tells people “oh, this person doesn’t like sex, doesn’t have sex, and doesn’t wish to have sex”, which is true for me. That’s all it needs to be, and I don’t owe people any more than that, or even anything if I really think about it.

Quite frankly, anyone who tries to tell me what I’m allowed to call myself based on my perception of my own life experiences is a fool to me. I’m a random internet stranger, and people only know me based on my posts. I don’t post every aspect about myself, and I don’t need to either. If I find a different label that better defines me, then I will use that one. Or if I find that something about my sexuality changes in the future, then I will change my label. But right here, in this moment, this is the label that I feel best defines me. Nobody is going to convince me that I’m wrong about something I’ve had to live with my whole life. I don’t tell you what you can call yourself, you shouldn’t tell me what to call myself either.

#lgbtq+#discource #lgbtq discourse #asexual #asexuality #ace pride

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rpstartersinc · 9 months

Text

* 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐍 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐑𝐔𝐍.

feel free to change pronouns / wording!

“ don't be merciful, don't come back like snow white and the huntsman. ”

“ i've never been to a funeral, i wouldn't have come to this one if i'd known there'd be a dead person. ”

“ i know how emotional occasions like this can be. ”

“ i think we'll manage. ”

“ as soon as he clicks his fingers, you come running. ”

“ is this actually your car? ”

“ i don't make the rules. ”

“ what do you remember? ”

“ i really thought she was my soulmate. ”

“ he might've tied her up and now he's using us as bait. ”

“ we're hansel and fucking gretel. ”

“ i told you not to come in here. ”

“ i've been lied to all my life. ”

“ a jellyfish has no heart and no brain, yet it lives. what could be scarier than that? ”

“ i told you, you can't smoke it straight from the plants! ”

“ women seem to keep drifting away from me. ”

“ you look very cold. ”

“ driving slow in this kind of car is more suspicious. ”

“ who is sitting next to me right now? who, fucking... pablo escobar? ”

“ if you're going to do something ridiculous, i don't want to miss it. ”

“ you saw the blood on the laptop, right? ”

“ why do i have to wait in the car? ”

“ two types of people wear sunglasses in the dark, blind musicians, and cunts. ”

“ not who you were expecting? ”

“ if that sequence of events does not transpire exactly as described, i will murder you, slowly. ”

“ this is your fault. ”

“ if we stay here, we're fucked. ”

“ i can't leave him there, looks like... i killed him. ”

“ don't be sorry, just be helpful. ”

“ why did they do that? why did they shoot him? ”

“ i don't let personal matters get in the way of business. ”

“ did i say to stop? ”

“ can you just... can you stop disappointing me? ”

“ don't shoot anyone until i tell you to. ”

“ i just like it. what's that called? when you can't stop picturing bullets ripping through human flesh. ”

“ i don't wanna kill anyone. ”

“ none of that's secret, it's private. ”

“ what tracker? there's no tracker, this isn't james bond! ”

“ i'm keeping us alive. ”

“ you are the reason that we are running for our lives right now! ”

“ excuse me for taking an opportunity when i saw one. ”

“ no one's ever given me shit. ”

“ we're supposed to be keeping a low profile! ”

“ i used to have a terrible appetite for destruction on me. ”

“ do you think we're safe? ”

“ a great artist knows when to stop. ”

“ i should have known it was you. ”

“ you love a grand entrance. ”

“ your body count shouldn't define you. ”

“ can we just stop talking about death? ”

“ how is love going to make you strong? ”

“ i just fucking killed someone! ”

“ i hear nothing but empty words from everyone. please, i need you to say something real. ”

“ people have died. it just needs to stop, doesn't it? ”

“ breaking and entering is a crime, you know. ”

“ i know you're withholding information. ”

“ i bet they're fucking terrified of you. ”

“ there's no one who will help you out there. ”

“ people respect me, they listen to me. ”

“ you're ruthless, i like that. ”

“ what do you do on a day like this? ”

“ i don't think i can handle prison. ”

“ you shot my fucking phone! ”

“ you don't shoot friends! ”

“ you better not have broken my nose. ”

“ will you shut the fuck up! i'm trying to hear a bird. ”

“ i have a code. ”

“ bit of fun, never mind the consequences to yourself or anybody else. ”

“ you're gonna lecture me? you murder people for money! ”

“ i put up barriers between myself and the world, and there is, there's an isolation. ”

“ for the first time in my life, i'm making an actual choice. ”

“ i am not your friend. ”

“ could i come with you? ”

“ that wasn't part of the arrangement. ”

“ you have no idea what i'm capable of. ”

“ you shouldn't mess with friendship. ”

“ everywhere the awe-inspiring landscapes, i like to be the one inspiring awe. ”

“ you can be driven to do extraordinary things, things you didn't even know were inside of you, that no one understands.. ”

“ some of the things i've done... it's like i'm infected. ”

“ you can act tough all you want... ”

“ there's no reason for violence. ”

“ you're just making it worse. ”

“ i'm sorry i disappointed you, but you disappointed me too. ”

“ i'm sick of pretending i'm something i'm not. ”

“ get away from me, get back! ”

“ you tried to fucking kill me! ”

“ you said you wanted us to get to know each other. ”

“ it's me, i'm getting you out of here. ”

“ that's my fucking sore leg! ”

“ because i said to, now do it and shut up. ”

“ people like me don't get to be in that world. ”

“ my body, my do-whatever-the-fuck-i-feel-like. ”

“ friends for life? fucking bollocks. ”

“ you think i would join you? ”

“ do not sit there waiting for him to find you! ”

“ people get hallucinations, there's like treatment for that shit. ”

“ people see death, they all have the same thought. don't be next, be the survivor. ”

“ you don't just get something because you say you want it. ”

“ be someone people want to be around. ”

“ why is there dead bodies everywhere? ”

“ you came back. ”

“ we look out for each other, that's the rule. ”

#( sentence. )#sentence starters #sentence meme #rp starters #rp meme #then you run #tv series #crime #drama

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coexistentialism · 4 months

Note

did anything in particular help u get over denial bc u don’t know much abt your alters? I feel like a silly to think I could have this disorder bc I’m very clueless

Hmm... Other than my diagnosis and generally teaching myself, I'm not entirely sure.

Note here when I say "you" in this post, I'm not directing this at you, Anon, specifically!

Mostly just a lot of research. Like so much research. Please, PLEASE do research - actual research - if and when you can, even if you have to find audiobooks or find alternative ways to research, as long as you are not solely getting your information from social media! Including me man! Do your own research! I am a human being too and I am capable of being wrong! I would LOVE to share places where I research, how I research, etc. if anyone is interested in a post like that.

Talking to other systems, being in (...good..) system spaces, and learning about other systems' experiences, both different and similar to my own. You can browse blog pages, forum posts, Reddit, Tumblr, read books, watch short films made by people with DID/OSDD, find other YouTubers to watch, etc. I can also share a post about some stuff I recommend, like Forums and Reddit posts and blogs.

Throw out OSDD versus DID. I'm so serious. I think some people who question DID/OSDD have treated questioning it like way too seriously and I kinda just wanna go. Who cares man. If you suspect you have DID or OSDD, who cares, just say you suspect DID or OSDD. You. Don't need to narrow it down to one, I promise you it doesn't matter as much as the internet acts like it does. I think the DID criteria could do with changing and to be less restrictive in order to include a wider variety of presentations and experiences. At the end of the day, when somebody says they're an OSDD system, this means SO many different things for SO many different people. You ask one person with OSDD what that means for them and they might have a totally different answer than someone else with OSDD. I just think people should learn to be okay with saying "I suspect DID/OSDD, I don't know which" more often instead of attempting to figure out which one they have. The reason it's so confusing is because OSDD doesn't have criteria. It doesn't have criteria for you to meet and the internet makes shit up about OSDD, so you get fed misinformation about it and things don't add up and don't make sense because it's misinformation. So just throw this out and learn to be okay with not knowing whether it's DID or OSDD. It's okay. You don't have to narrow it down. Relax NFDKJASKD

Tips:

PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, ANYTHING THAT YOU READ ABOUT DID/OSDD ONLINE THAT YOU FOUND HELPFUL - SAVE IT SOMEWHERE! I promise you will want to look back at them and read them over and over again several times and each time you do, you will realize things you hadn't before. So often, I've gone back and read research papers that I've read in the past, or books, etc. and found that I understood them much better, that they made me realize a lot more about myself, etc. than the first time I read them. Or the second time, or the third time, etc.

Lots and lots of journaling, even if you think it's useless/pointless, even if you think it's unhelpful, even if you don't understand the point. I did not understand how journaling would help me figure out my alters because I was expecting myself to magically find something written there like the next day with no memory of it, and it. Does not fuckign work that way LMFAO at least not for most people. I was expecting the wrong thing, I was assuming that that was the indicators of switching I was looking for, that I was supposed to communicate to my alters in that way, but I knew that that wasn't an experience I would have, and I obviously didn't experience it, so I didn't understand the point. It soon became clear how wrong I was NFKSDNFJKADNKJDASF

It's okay to be ""cringe."" It's okay to be ""weird."" Let yourself be weird as Hell. Let yourselves be "cringey." It's okay. Be free. NFDJFNKDSA

Allow your experiences to Just Be. You don't have to figure out if that experience was a switch right now, you don't have to figure out if that voice you heard was Truly An Alter right now, I just mean that you don't have to overthink it and you can allow your experiences to simply happen and then analyze them later. It's okay. Even if they are weird, even if they are cringey, even if they're embarrassing. I mean, so long as no-one is harmed, but even in that case, it's okay to put safety measures into place, or find alternatives, find coping skills, or if something harmful has already happened, to attempt to mend it, and analyze things later, etc. Things will come to you as long as you let them, but you won't be able to figure things out if you refuse to allow experiences to simply happen instead of overthinking it, like I used to do where I constantly just felt like "but that's not truly an alter, so-" and just refused to let things Just Happen.

Most importantly: take your time. seriously. this is a process that can - unfortunately - agonizingly take several years. but the pay-off is worth it and when you start to feel that denial lessen, you will look back and feel as if no time as passed (or is that the dissociation NFJDASNFK

I think that's about everything I can think of so far!

#inbox #my posts

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kyuriin-chan · 1 year

Text

Adam Warlock x OC

Part 2

Word Count: 2.045

Warnings: Adam being cute, fluff, angst, slight jealousy, first kiss

POV Seraphina

I got to know Adam better over the next few days and found his naivety almost sweet. He still had a lot to learn, mostly about himself and what he was capable of. I quickly grew fond of his mannerism and got used to his almost permanent presence.

When I was working with other people, you could assume Adam wasn't far and almost never let me out of his sight besides his own work. You couldn't see him, but I could almost feel his golden eyes burning into my shape.

Pete in particular tried to tease me about Adam chasing after me like a lost dog.

"5 bucks that Adam is sitting behind that building over here, staring at you", Pete laughed and pointed over his shoulder to a slightly taller building that had already been repaired. I could only roll my eyes and shake my head, "Pete this is getting old, don't you have other things to do?"

"Oh come on Phina, how can you not notice this! He's always around ready to protect you or whatever. It hit him hard and he's always glaring at me whenever I'm apparently 'too close'", Pete continued to laugh and wiggled along his eyebrows.

"First of all I am noticing him and secondly don't be ridiculous! He's just trying to understand everything better", I said quickly and closed the repaired junction box I was working on.

"He sure does understand that he doesn't like others touching you", said Pete and shrugged his shoulders with a grin, whereupon I laughed and gave him a light smack to the side, "stop it!"

POV Adam

With a bitter taste in my mouth, I watched Seraphina and Peter from a hidden building. I had recently completed my task and actually wanted to go back to Seraphina to see if I could help her, but when I found her, Peter was already at her side. I didn't like how close the two always were. Of course they had known each other for a long time, but why did Peter always have to touch her like that?

Whenever he hugged her or took her hand to pull her up or anything, my stomach clenched like I had eaten something bad. I had to hold myself back from marching towards the two and yanking him away from Seraphina.

Only I should be allowed to touch her like that!

A few days ago I saw two residents holding hands and hugging. I was a little confused because I've never seen anyone else hold hands, only hugs so far. Mantis had explained to me that the two were a 'couple' and that these actions were about love.

"Ohh but love is about so much more Adam! When you love someone you get butterflies in your stomach and you have to think about that person a lot", Mantis tried to explained after seeing my confused look, "you show affection to that person and would do anything for her, so holding hands is just a small part."

I nodded thoughtfully and looked back at the seemingly happy couple. They seemed to say goodbye to each other and when the two pressed their lips together it almost caught my breath.

In that moment, I knew right away that that's exactly what I wanted to do with Seraphina. Put my lips on her soft ones and sink into her warmth.

So I spent the next few days trying to show her as best as I could that I liked her and wanted her for myself. Whenever we went somewhere together, I took her delicate hand in mine, albeit hesitantly. Guided her safely by my hand from place to place, hoping she liked me too. After all, she never pulled her hand away or spoke negatively of my advances.

But Peter was a different matter. He put his arm around her shoulders when walking with her or hugged her longer than the other Guardians. He made her laugh and the two always seemed to have a great time together. Of course I also made her laugh, but most of the time I didn't even know why.

The only thing I could do was glare at Peter from afar while my hands clenched into fists for better control of my anger.

"Hey Adam you got a minute?" I was finally snapped out of my thoughts and quickly turned to Mantis, "what are you doing up here anyway?" She surveyed the building and must have noticed that it had long since been repaired, so my presence here was unnecessary.

She was just about to peek around the corner of the building where Seraphina and Peter were when I quickly stepped into her line of sight, "n-nothing! Just taking a quick break... that's all."

She continued to look at me for a moment, but luckily she stopped prying and waved me after her. "We need your help with fixing some walls", she explained quickly and I followed her while my thoughts wandered back to Seraphina and Peter.

"Can I ask you something?", I asked a little uncertainly and Mantis turned to me with a smile, "sure just ask away!" We reached the road again and now strolled side by side while Mantis showed me the way.

"If you like someone... how do you get others to know?" I tried to formulate my question and then looked at Mantis, who seemed to be thinking about my question.

"Well for starters there are things that only couples do, like holding hands and kissing and stuff. Should be pretty clear by those actions I guess", she said thoughtfully and I started to fidget with my hands behind my back.

"What if the other person doesn't get that you like them?", I asked trying to hide my nervousness. "Well tell her of course! She won't know how you feel until you tell her Adam", Mantis laughed and I tilted my head slightly thoughtfully in her direction, "but you did say that those actions speak for themself..."

"Yeah but in order the be a couple both parties have to like each other and tell the other one how they feel", Mantis said quickly and I took in her words, "some people just like you as friends and don't want to be lovers." Her words stopped me almost abruptly.

Could it be that Seraphina only saw me as a friend?

An uncomfortable feeling spread through me. "You okay Adam?", Rocket suddenly asked who had appeared next to me and I immediately nodded without looking at him, "well then. This way golden boy, we got a lot to do." I quickly followed Rocket to one of the almost completely destroyed buildings and helped him with the walls.

After several hours we were finally done with most of the repairs and I was told we wouldn't continue until tomorrow. During all the work I had decided to somehow explain to Seraphina how I felt about her and hoped that she liked me as well. But when I was finally on my way to her, I wasn't so sure anymore on how to do it at all.

Only when I heard her soft laugh did I know that I had arrived at her and that my legs had led me to her as if by magic.

Of course, Peter was still with her and I clenched my jaw tightly as I watched the two of them. He had his arm around her waist and seemed to be telling her something. Seraphina also made no move to remove his arm from her hip and I felt insecure again.

Maybe I should just leave her alone with Peter. It doesn't look like they're looking for my presence.

"Oh and here he is! Golden boy is about to take you to your ship", Peter suddenly said when he had probably noticed me and I frowned at his remark. "Stop it Pete don't be mean," Seraphina said with a barely noticeable smirk on her lips and rolled her eyes. She crossed her arms and Peter just laughed as he said goodbye to us, "have a good night."

She glanced after Peter and then turned her attention to me, "you ready to go?" I looked uncertainly from Peter's ever-shrinking figure to her delicate one, and despite the butterflies in my stomach, I found my voice again.

"Do you like being touched by him?", I asked a little tensely and waited for her answer.

"What?"

"Do you like...", but she interrupted me in the middle of the sentence, "I know what you asked Adam. What do you mean by that?"

Unsteadily, I shifted my weight from one leg to the other and then still plucked up my courage, "I don't like him touching you like this."

"Why is that?", she asked me after a short pause and I had to swallow hard.

"I want to be the only one touching you like this. I want to be the only one holding your hand when walking and I want to be the only one to lay my arm around you", I started listing until finally I just said, "I really like you a-and would like you to be mine."

Stiff as a board, I looked into her eyes while the butterflies in my stomach danced wildly. Her mouth was slightly open and she seemed to be surprised, which in turn made me doubt.

Didn't I show her clearly enough that I liked her?

"A-adam..." she managed to choke out and my heart immediately felt like someone had ripped it out of my chest.

So she only saw me as a friend...

"I-im sorry... I should go... Rocket might need me... umm with walls and stuff", I tried to escape from the uncomfortable situation and turned around quickly. I hadn't gone two steps far when I felt her warm hand close around mine and she tried to pull me back, "wait Adam you didn't even hear me out." I hesitantly turned to her and my golden eyes darted from her soft hand to her blue eyes that regarded me softly.

"I'd like to be yours", she finally said smiling, giving my hand a gentle squeeze to reassure me that she meant it.

"You... really? You like me too?", I asked again to make sure that she understood my request.

"Yes, I like you too Adam", she assured me confidently and a happy smile was now on my lips as well.

"Come on my ship's this way", she said and immediately pulled me behind her. The butterflies returned to my stomach only this time they caused a warm and comforting feeling that I instantly began to like.

"So there'll be a 'no touching' rule for Pete huh?", she asked smiling in my direction and I unconsciously squeezed her hand a little more. I pulled her closer so that her shoulder was almost pressed against me, "it would be nice if he could stop himself from doing so."

"You're so cute Adam", Seraphina just laughed and then nodded to me reassuringly, "I'll tell him don't worry." We were already standing in front of her ship in which she lived for the time being and her hand slipped out of mine. She stepped onto the ramp to her ship and then turned to me.

Both hands placed gently on my cheeks and she pulled me down to place my lips on her soft ones. I immediately melted into the tender gesture and wished this moment would never end. Slowly we parted again and I looked at her a little out of breath because I hadn't expected this gesture of affection.

"I hope you have a good night Adam", Seraphina bid her goodbye to me while I was still standing in front of her, as stiff as a board.

"I uhh... yes I wish you also a good night", I said quickly after catching myself, which elicited a laugh from her.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

Sooo yes I decided to add some more parts and hope you guys like my story ✨🌌

Feel free to comment your thoughts or prompts ✨

#fanfiction #adam warlock imagine #adam warlock fluff #adam warlock x oc #adam warlock #adam warlock x reader #guardians of the galaxy 3 #guardians of the galaxy #peter quill #mantis #fluff #angst #first kiss #adam warlock angst #will poulter #will poulter fic

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floralifetime · 1 year

Text

Toruk Makto's Sister

Warning: very bad writing, some grammatical error (English is not my first language so please be kind), mentions of death, mentions of racism, some bad words.

Previous Chapter ➡️ Next Chapter

⚠️⚠️Phrase and images are not mine, all credits to their respective owners.⚠️⚠️

Orange means Na'vi language.

Chapter n.5 Omaticaya of the Forest.

Not welcoming the guest is shame, driving him away is cruelty.

As we walked Jakey passed me, despite the bandage on my arm I still felt very weak, I probably strained my body too much, but I can't do otherwise. Behind me I hear the little ones giggling, I turn towards them quickly, stroking the black tufts on their heads that should be their hair. “It's okay, little ones. I won't let anyone hurt you, I'm here with you." I whispered, trying to calm myself more than them, even though she saved us and showed no sign of wanting to attack, that doesn't mean other Na'vi don't want to, it's unwise to follow her, but Jakey I don't know what he's thinking with currently…And I don't know if I want to know.

“Hey, well, I just wanted to thank you for killing all those…Beasts, yeah.” Jakey took her arm, forcing her to stop. I sighed heavily as the woman just hissed at him, her bow aimed at his chest. “Don't give thanks for something like that.” she limited herself to saying while I joined my brother, which was not easy between the fact that I no longer have much strength and that I also have to be careful because of the little ones on my shoulders. “Jakey, don't thank for something like that, you know? It's just… Ugly, sad. She has blood on her hands because of us.” I try to make him think while she looks at me intensely. "You're right, it's a sad thing." she answered, while my brother bounced his gaze, confused, between her and me. "Our fault? But sorry, those beasts attacked us and it would be our fault?” he asks, still not knowing who to look directly at. "Jakey, they shouldn't have died, and if you had listened to me from the beginning, with that blessed flashlight, we wouldn't be in this mess and she wouldn't have bloody hands." I pointed out. My brother, still not understanding, he realizes it's best to back away from his beliefs, so he throws his hands up in the air with palms showing, "Okay, okay…Sorry, I didn't mean to, whatever I did, I didn't mean to." The Na'vi woman stopped looking at him and returned her gaze to me, who smiled at her. "You see, listening to me isn't so bad, brother?" I retorted as he turned to me. "Why can't you be like her?" the woman hissed, her tail wagging excitedly. I looked at her confused, like me in what sense? I don't have…Anything special.

“She see, she hear, she understand!” she paced each word as if it were obvious, as if she had lost the patience to explain the same thing over and over to people, or Na'vi, who were dumb. “Reckless, but capable. With children on her shoulders she managed the situation better than you, knowing how to protect them, herself, you and even the Viperwolves!" she looked like she was about to scream and I wondered how she lunged given that she continued to hiss. “While you…You are a child! You cause confusion and damage, not knowing what else to do and where to go!” she finished and given my brother's intelligent expression, I understood that he didn't understand what she had said at the end, better, I don't think he likes to be offended at random. “Have you… seen the little ones?” I asked shyly, she looked at me, sighed and nodded. “They weren't easy to spot, you hid them well.” “Um…Thanks, I did my best, I didn't want the little ones to experience such a dangerous experience.” I say while stroking the little head of both, the boy just stared at my fingers and tried to take them with a concentrated expression, while the girl smiled. “Okay, I understand.” he begins, though I doubt he fully understood what the woman said. “So, if you love your forest friends so much, why save our asses?” he asked and I could hardly keep myself from slapping him for having said those words, I don't want the little ones to learn to swear rather than speak. “Why save you?” she repeats, staring at him inquiringly. “Yes exactly. Why save us? I can understand her having little ones on her shoulders, so they don't die you save her too, but why me?” my brother insists, I don't know what to think, I don't…Like him talking so openly about the risk he took, I don't know why. His words cause me to squeeze close to him as he turns and wraps his arm around me, squeezing me lightly. “Why save you?” she asks, taking his eyes off me and fixing her stern gaze on my brother. Who knows what she has suffered, what or who she has lost, what she has seen and heard, to be so rough in her tone of voice, to have so many edges…Her gaze softens slightly as she approaches and places a hand on my brother's chest. “You have a strong heart, you are not afraid.” To my brother's bad luck, the compliment does not last long. “But you are ignorant and incompetent! Just like a child!” she takes her hand away abruptly, hissing at him again and turning to leave again.

“Hey! Wait come on!" Jakey started following her again, I want to tell them to slow down, but I don't think the woman would do it and I don't want to burden my brother with my whining, so I just try as hard as possible to follow them, always being incredibly careful where I put my feet. In a certain respect, however, I am lucky, the pain, fatigue and tiredness do not make me lose agility and the ability to move as if I had always walked on the ground of this verdant forest. “If I'm really like a kid then how about…I mean, you could teach me, right?” my brother insists. “You can't teach humans, they don't see.” she replied sharply, dryly. “Then teach me how to see.” my brother replied. “No one can teach you how to see, Jakey… It's something you can't learn or teach, you feel it inside, you just have it.” I try to explain to him. The woman whose name I still don't know, turns to Jakey as she continues walking “It's the truth, you can't see. You are like blind men wandering in the dark, without light, all of you except…Except her.” she said, nodding at me with the simple, yet elegant, movement of her head. Jakey looks at me and smiles, giving me a conspiratorial wink as the woman finishes. “She seems able to see, understand Eywa's will.” I lower my eyes and smile shyly, in their culture only the Tsahik has the effective task of interpreting the will of the Great Mother, a Na'vi would hardly tell someone else that he is able to fully understand it, as just she did. It is an honor to receive such a compliment. “Irayo, you are very kind.” I say in a soft and calm voice, if there was a little more confusion, my voice would get lost in the sounds of the forest.

“Listen, you speak excellent English, where did you learn? I know Grace Augustine designed a school, were you taught there?” my brother asks, trying to satisfy his curiosity but the woman doesn't seem to want to satisfy it. "Excuse me, can I ask you something?" I ask her after stroking the baby's little head that he had let out a whimper. The woman stops again and nods at me. “Could I…know your name?” her beautiful golden eyes widen, while I smile softly. It seems to me a bit of a duty to know at least the name of who I see, who I hang out with, it's more respectful and empathetic as a thing, I find it right to show interest in others, in their stories, it's my way of showing respect. Of course always if you respect me in turn, otherwise my kindness turns into indifference, and even the latter reaps many victims. “Neytiri.” she said briefly. She doesn't seem willing to talk much, she starts walking again before Jakey can introduce us, and since she still doesn't understand anything about her, she follows her again.

“Hey, really, can't we just talk?” my brother asked while he reached her again, I, on the contrary, remained slightly further back, I felt my veins throbbing, despite everything I don't know how long I will hold out without calling my brother and asking him for a hand. I accelerate to reach them and I succeed, I even overtook my brother who, trying to jump from a branch, slips and risks falling to the ground from a height that wouldn't leave him much escape if he fell. “Jakey!” I scream in fright, but luckily for us Neytiri simply reaches out and grabs him, saving him from a possibly fatal fall. “Oh, thank the Great Mother you are well! You gave me a stroke, man!" I say excitedly, terror filling my entire being, not just my voice, as I wrap my arms around Jakey's neck. My brother sighs and, not being able to hug me otherwise given the presence of the little ones who have been calm so far, he tightened his arms around my hips, filling my head with kisses. “Irayo, I don't know what I would do if I lost my brother.” I thanked her, she simply nodded and, with an indecipherable gaze, she observed us for a couple of seconds and then turned around and resumed her path. “I need your help.” my brother tries the kindness card. “You are just a child, one of those who have gone too far into unfamiliar territory.” she finished and then resumed walking quickly towards what I assume is the direction of house, for her.

“Jakey, I don't think she wants us to follow her, can we give up? She might be downright annoyed by our insistence, don't you think?" I asked, hoping he understood the woman's feelings, but apparently, I was hoping wrongly. “I just want to figure out who she is and learn, little sister. Nothing more." he whispers back as she still tries to get her to teach something that can't be taught. An alarm bell rings for me regarding my brother, he has never been passionate about studying and learning, he is more practical, about manual and war things, not so much into studying…It's not like him to be eager to learn something. Seeing her stop abruptly, we imitate her. She is looking up but I can't pay attention to her. My shoulder and wrist really hurt and I have to take advantage of the moment of pause to be able to rest, so I look around and, once I have identified a trunk large enough to lean on, I did it to catch my breath. I felt better enough to face the rest of the journey without feeling sick, but a perceptible glow even with my eyes closed made me open them to try to understand the cause.

The first thing I saw was Neytiri's astonished gaze looking at both me and the tree I was leaning against, my brother was also staring at that tree, so I turned around too, as the glow I had noticed was coming from there. The light came from all over the tree, which lit up in alternating rhythms, as if following its own melody, its own rhythm, its own specific reason, as if someone else were telling it what to do and how to do it. After a couple of seconds, I realize that the glow glows in rhythm with my breath, with one of life's major indications. When I remove my hand, because I feel well enough to continue walking without having to stop every second, the tree stops glowing and returns to its natural color during the night, an incredibly dark blue, passable for black to the less attentive eye, or lightly colorblind. “What…What was it? What happened to my sister?” Jakey asks, finally letting go of the air he's been keeping stuck in his lungs. “I have no idea, I didn't notice what tree it was.” I said smiling because I had heard the giggles of the children. A sharply released breath drew both of their attention to Neytiri. “Wow…” she just said, as she looked at me with a look I couldn't decipher, but she had nothing negative, I felt reassured by this lack of negativity. “So, which tree is it?” my brother persisted and the Na'vi answered him “It is Utral Tsaheylu, also called Utral Tirea.” she didn't even look at my brother, her eyes were locked on mine, or at least on me in general. “It's…Very rare, isn't it?” I asked and she simply nodded. “So can someone explain to me?” my brother asked, unable to understand why he was being ignored. “I have never seen Utral Tirea react like this with any Dreamwalker. You have to…be particular.” she said approaching while I, slightly uncomfortable by her intense gaze, stroked the dark tufts of the two little ones, who laughed and reassured me.

After this 'incident' Neytiri looks up again, while I just feel a slight tickling sensation on the front of my shoulder, thinking it was a pet or a light drooping liana, I turned around and started to gently brush it away and it's It was then that I realized that it was none of this. It was a Holy Spirit, a seed of the Tree of Life, an Atokirina, also called Woodsprite in our language. If I had to describe them I would say that they resemble a jellyfish, of those found in the depths of the oceans, totally white in color with small protuberances at the end of the long filaments, these protuberances are covered with a delicate hair, always white. They move by floating in the wind, retracting and stretching these long filaments, they are incredibly important and sacred to the Na'vi culture. I slowly slipped my hand under him and stroked the long bumps with my fingertips, carefully, gently. The seed immediately settled on the palm of my hand slightly moving the threadlike protuberances that I touched with such attention, feeling a bad sensation I looked up only to see my brother being the idiot he always was, abruptly sending away an Atokirina who had approached. “No!” Neytiri yelled and grabbed his arm. “What are they?” he still asks amazed. “They are Atokirina, pure spirits, seeds of the Tree of Life, considered incredibly sacred by the Na'vi. In our language they are called Woodsprite.” I explained as so many specimens of these sacred seeds piled up near me, I breathed deeply and felt at peace, calm, as if everything was following a predetermined path, the will of a benevolent higher being. I closed my eyes for a couple of seconds, then began interacting respectfully with the Atokirinas. I carefully placed the tips of my fingers on their protuberances, stroking them with care and delicacy, I allowed them to rest on my body and to stay there for as long as they wanted, when they go away I gently accompany them upwards, so that they are facilitated in reach their next destination.

“Thank you for your kind visit, Pure Spirits. It has been an honor to be able to see and interact with you, Holy Spirits.” I whispered in the language of the Na'vi when all the Atokirinas had risen to the sky and were leaving, the most latecomers had lingered on the noses of the little ones, while they laughed amused and observed that strange "thing" with awe and curiosity typical of the little ones. They were so adorable that I couldn't help but smile too. After this mass demonstration Neytiri grabbed my wrist and started pulling me along with her. “Come with me, follow me.” I barely held back an aggressive hiss, she had a grip on my injured wrist. “Hey, be careful!” my brother yelled, stepping protectively in front of me, after forcing Neytiri to let go. “Sorry Neytiri, but my wrist still hurts a lot, could you please grab the other one?” I ask her, leaning my head to the side, she nods taking her good wrist, without however ceasing to pull me after her, Jakey shamelessly takes advantage of Neytiri's change of opinion to follow her again, as if he hadn't done it before.

“Neytiri, but where exactly are we going?” I asked her as I did my best to keep up with her, the tiredness starting to take over again. She didn't answer me and we passed through a path surrounded by bioluminescent plants and a small, but quite steep, cliff. Plants are not dangerous, they are also to be used in healing, not hearing my brother's footsteps next to me I turned around seeing that he couldn't help but annoy them. “Jakey, leave those poor plants alone and get moving!” Jakey listened to me, for once, and joined me. “Jakey, please don't separate yourself from the two of us, okay?” I asked and the little girl seemed to want to scold Jakey too because she pouted at him. “Lovely little one, it's okay anyway. I couldn't help myself." he smiles justifying himself. He was about to stroke the little girl's head when a thick rope wrapped tightly around his legs, trapping him. “Jakey!” I yelled and pulled my wrist out of Neytiri's grip, and she stopped and whirled around. My brother lifted his face off the ground and frowned at me as I ran over to him and knelt in front of his face. “Jakey, are you hurt that much?” I asked as I examined him, looking for signs of any injuries. “I'm fine but I could have been better, sis” he said as if it were obvious, i took his knife and cut the rope, just before he could stand up we heard the distinct clatter of hooves so we all turned around.

Many Na'vi surrounded us, pointing their weapons, bows and spears at us. A good number were on foot but even those on Direhorses, or Pa'li, were not few. One in particular, with the most frowning and hateful expression of all of the others, seemed to lead the whole group. His eyes rested on me for only a couple of seconds as Jakey, recovering from his stupor and fall, had taken the knife from my hand and positioned himself protectively in front of me, the blade poised to strike if it were been necessary. In a desperate attempt to protect the little ones, I leaned my back against my brother's, careful not to crush the children, took a deep breath and looked up, staring fearlessly at them. I moved slowly, until I was back in front of my brother, keeping all three of them behind me, even though my brother didn't seem to like it. "Calm down, calm down guys." Neytiri came to our rescue. She approached what seemed to be the leader of the group, while I adjusted my hair to better cover the little ones, thank goodness they're playing with it, at least they're calm, even if I don't know how long it will last. The man dismounted from the Pa'li, disconnecting his tail from the antenna of his steed. "What does all this mean, Tsu'tey?!" He looks at her for a second, then turns his gaze back to us, weighing us up and down, disgusted. I frowned further, he must know that I'm not afraid of him, otherwise he could take advantage of the situation and I don't want that to happen, if I'm going to die, I want to do it with dignity. “These sky demons are not allowed here.” he just said, hatred permeating every word. Who also knows what he has lost, who has been taken away from him, what has been stolen from him, to prevent him from seeing a little further. What did he go through to make him so harsh and judgmental? I don't know how Neytiri is going to get us past this handful of Na'vi warriors, but I have to trust her, I don't think she would have dragged me here herself if she wanted to see me die, they aren't that bad. If we only learned to look, we'd have a lot to learn from them. “There were various signs that it had to do with both.” she just says, with all the calm in the world. “They deserve to be looked into by the Tsahik.” she just concluded, while Tsu'tey looked us up and down, again, he seems not to want to look too much since he looks away quickly. “Take them with you.” he just said as he remounted his steed and started to move back. Neytiri approached me, effectively protecting me from the onslaught of the other warriors, gently took my hand and urged me to follow her. “Come on, we're almost there.” she whispered, as if she wanted to soothe me as I, in anguish, constantly turned on my brother, hissing and screaming at anyone who attempted to grab him. “Stop. Let him walk alone, he will follow us without constraint.” again Neytiri with a calm mixed with enviable authority, came to our rescue, so Jakey too was let go and was free to join me and Neytiri walking without anyone pulling him from side to side. I thanked her but I didn't have much strength to speak after that, the only times my voice was heard again was when I had to reassure the little ones.

I don't know how long we walk, the only thing I notice is that no one dares to get too close to me, even Jakey is left alone but he is always more threatened than me, I make myself heard every time it happens. We arrived in front of a huge tree, wonderful and that they all call "home", Hometree. It is even more beautiful than the images that Grace had shown me and I could not help myself “Wonderful… This is your house, am I right Neytiri?” she turns to me and nods with the look that she hides awareness, like it's obvious that I like her home, I don't know how she could tell. “What is that, a tree?” my wit master brother asks and I roll my eyes in a sigh as Neytiri hisses at him again. "It's called Hometree, it's not just a tree, Jakey, it's their home." I explain to him with all the kindness and calmness I'm capable of. Neytiri led us in and we were surrounded immediately, the Na'vi looked at us suspicious and wary, what did our kind do to them, precisely? What crimes have we committed to make them feel so suspicious and so agitated? Jakey walked up to me and started checking how I was and if the kids with me were okay. I smile at him as I see him loosen the band on my shoulder, hearing a rustle in front of me, I turn around and find myself in front of the clan leader. Grace told me about him a couple of times, while she told me anecdotes and answered all my questions. “Oel ngati kameie, father.” Neytiri greets him, which explains her authority over the others and why they listened and obeyed her words so blindly. She is a kind of princess of the Clan, if we are to speak in terrestrial terms. The chief, whose name is Eytukan if I remember correctly, looked us up and down, his nostrils flared and his furious expression became disgusted. I turned my gaze to my brother who still hadn't raised his, he was looking at my wrist, as if he was undecided about something, he probably didn't know whether to try to look at the wound or leave the Taxax leaf wrapped around my wrist. “I said these demons should never come back here!” he screamed so loud that the frightened little ones let out soft whimpers. “Shhh, it's okay, it's okay…” I whispered tenderly, as I ran my hand over their little heads, turning mine to kiss their cheeks. I glared at him, I don't care who you are or what role you play, I owe you respect if you show it towards me and if you make helpless and innocent children cry then you don't deserve my respect, for now, at least. “You should have killed them on the spot, why did you bring them here?” he lowered his voice slightly, I don't know why he did it, definitely not because of my look which he might have found offensive, but nevermind. “I was going to, but then…Various events happened, various signs from the Great Mother, I couldn't kill them.” replies his daughter, her calmness and self-confidence are to be envied. “How long has she been watching us?” my brother whispers and, in order not to get both of us in further trouble, I decide to shrug my shoulders, still paying attention to the little ones. “The smell of these demons fills my nostrils and disgusts me.” he said in his language thinking, probably, that we didn't understand anything but the movement of my ear and my eyes must have convinced him otherwise as he began to examine me again with a furious look.

“Someone is going to explain to me…? Sister?" my brother asks, looking at me confused, and before I can actually give him a logical answer, Neytiri beats me. “My father is deciding whether or not to kill you.” she says, always with a cold blood that is disturbing. I immediately stiffen and whisper comforting words to the little ones so they don't realize the terrible emotions and thoughts that go through me. I wonder how Neytiri is so quiet, but I can't focus on this aspect of Jakey playing the idiot, again. "Oh, your father?" he starts and I don't like how he's going to end it. "Pleased sir." he extends his hand to the leader and approaches him, while the other Na'vi surround him growling and hissing I rub my face violently, in an attempt to calm my anger mixed with disappointment, a more stupid thing Jakey just couldn't do. But didn't you see me greet Neytiri before? I sigh, deeply irritated by the situation and the turn it's taken, I open my eyes to see if the situation is getting worse and if Jakey is in danger, and it's because he doesn't understand that he should back off.

My body stiffens further and I also feel that the children perceive my anger and unease, I have to hurry up so they don't cry. My breath catches immediately, my heart races, the blood pounds in my ears, my eyes widen and the tail behind me starts to move in an agitated manner, slamming the ground violently several times. A sound comes out of my mouth that is a mix between a deep hiss and a half scream from a Na'vi pissed to death with the other clan members in front of her when in reality, the only person object of my anger currently is my brother because he never listens to me and doesn't reflect on what he does and the consequences his actions bring. I love him so much, but sometimes this attitude of him drives me crazy. I walk towards my brother, hissing and growling at anyone who dares to get too close to me, the little ones or my brother himself who backs away quite frightened, he knows me and knows that provoking me is never the best choice to make despite my nature sweet and kind. I grab him by the shirt without saying a word and drag him away from the circle that had closed around him. Once he's brought to a safe position I let him go but not before growling at him. “Now you stay here and stay still, is that clear?” I hiss and he nods with his ears retracted. I breathe deeply a couple of times, my body relaxes, my heart slows down, the blood in my ears stops and I calm down a bit, even if the tension around us remains incredibly high. “Listen to me for once, is it that difficult?” I scold him by running my hand over the little heads of the little ones, they're all too good at sitting still all this time, I expect they'll soon burst into tears. Before my brother can answer me, someone else's voice is heard. “Stay back! I will control these aliens!”

Well, here is the fifth chapter of the story✨. I hope you like it and, if you want, see you in the next chapter, number 6👋.

Taglist: @avatarbyamara, @sweetirilly.

#tsu'tey x reader #tsu'tey #jake sully x sister reader #avatar

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oubliette-odette · 6 months

Text

The Reluctance of Love Pt. 12

If you thought I'd make it easy for my boys to be together....honey, you've got another thing coming.

I'm so sorry 🙃

Orc Male x Half-Elf Male, Fated Mates, Forbidden Love, Slow Burn Part 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 11, 12, 13 Word Count: 3349 (average 25 min read) Content Warnings: mention of mating, homophobia, fantasy racisms. Steamy scenes will come to those who are patient. :) All orcish is from orcishdictionary.com, created by Matt Vancil.

Altan POV

The Council was a group of old men who should have probably died or retired ages ago and they still believed their opinions mattered to generations much younger than them. I sat at the front of the long, rectangular room next to the seat of my father. There were nine council members, five on one side, four on the other, all regarding each other like they were better than all the others. I wondered if any of them even considered anyone else in this room their friend, or if they were all in this just to barter their way of life into this town.

I was equal parts frustrated by their traditional methodology and scared at the power they still held over a society that had evolved since their time. They were capable of so much simply because they had climbed up the ranks until there was nowhere else to go.

My father had been summoning me to each Council meeting for the past week and I found myself bored to tears each time. I contributed very little to their conversations, and I already knew that I was doomed to disappoint all of them again today.

Most of the items of business were small, inconsequential things like adding more roads, where to expand for more homes as more people come to our town. With each one we offered our vote, when there really wasn’t much to vote on. I found my fingers itching to be playing with something other than the fringe on the hem of my sleeve.

I couldn’t deny that my father - despicable as he is - was a committed leader. His attention was fully invested in each person’s comments, and he weighed all of the options equally.

My father was an intelligent man, and a deep thinker and I think that’s why it hurt me so much every time that he didn’t seem to have the heart to make sense of me. I wasn’t worth his time mulling over and understanding - to him I was simply broken and in need of his repair.

Time moved slowly, but I did my best to keep my mind on the present conversation. I was surprised that my father didn’t ask more of me since he insisted that I be there, but I was also grateful to not be put at the center of attention in front of these old men.

After a long laundry list of things, my father cleared his throat and shifted in his seat, “Council Orin, I seem to recall you mentioned to me an issue you were having in the Northern district?”

I watched closely as the man named Orin nodded sagely towards the Duke. “Ah yes, thank you, Your Grace. Gentlemen, I’d like to discuss the matter of a newcomer that’s been in town. A well respected innkeeper came to me with some concern that an orc has been staying in his inn for the past nine days now. He doesn’t appear to be here for any particular reason besides to loiter in our streets. We’ve been good enough to attract very little of the other folk in Faerun, and I wonder if there is something to be done with this newcomer?”

I gripped the armchair of my seat as I was forced to listen to these men discuss their distaste for orcs. With one mention of Drun’s race, they suddenly all felt it was their right and permission to exclaim their opinion - all of the despicable and completely wrong. They were talking about Drunrag, my Drun. They called him unclean, and one of the cursed races because they had sided centuries ago with the enemy. A long dead enemy that Drun had nothing to do with. They were formulating plans to get him out of town. I had to say something, but I couldn’t, not when I looked over and saw the way my father was watching me with such a smug look.

He shifted in his seat again and cleared his throat, the room fell into expectant silence.

My Father spoke, “Altan, son, what do you say is the best course of action? Perhaps your youth can help us see a different light?”

I refused to look back at him. He was mocking me. I knew he was cornering me to fold and not say anything. I knew if I said what I felt, it would fall on deaf and racist ears. Instead I sat straight and held my fingers tight like claws on the armchair. “Perhaps it would be wise to avoid making a rash decision until we learn why he’s here.”

“The innkeeper says the orc won’t speak when he talks to him. Says he’s practically mute.” Councilman Orin responded.

Another Councilman jumped in, “I thought I saw him working with that Dragonborn Doxxah in the Northern District, perhaps they’re plotting something.”

I couldn’t believe them. Doxxah had been here for years and had proven themselves again and again to be an honest, hardworking contributor to the town. I opened my mouth to speak, but was interrupted by another round of the men exclaiming their dislike of Dragonborns, of Orc of all the races they felt uncomfortable around.

“It’s not as if we don’t want them in our town.” One of them said, “But it must be understood that our town was built centuries ago as a fortress to protect our ancestors from the dangers that these very same races brought outside our day every day. Do we ignore our past and history just to embrace these newcomers into our town?”

“I don’t see any reason why we should be the same as our ancestors from hundreds of years ago.” I replied. They all looked at me with furrowed brows. “Perhaps Berdusk is more than about keeping tradition, but about making traditions that provide comfort and safety for all folks who pass through. Neither Doxxah or this orc you speak of has caused any true offense that warrants this amount of distrust towards them. Perhaps change is not so bad for a town and we simply need more time.”

My father tapped his finger on his armrest, “So you would erase our history from us?”

I shook my head, “That’s not what I'm suggesting at all. I see it as an expansion of what we could offer.”

“But we can’t please everyone, young lord.” One man said, “We are not as impressive of a town as those larger, more advanced cities like Waterdeep, or Baldur’s Gate. We cannot easily accommodate them and our people would not be comfortable to change for them. Wouldn’t it be safer for them to not be here?”

“So you’re saying we force this gentleman to vacate our town?”

“I wouldn’t go so far as to call him a gentlemen, young lord. He’s an orc, he’s from the wild plains in the South. They’re undignified and so uncouth there.”

My voice was shaking as I spoke. “I don’t see any sound reason to kick him out.”

“It’s for the safety of the town. You must remember that the North District is where families live. An orc living there is…well…it’s preposterous and it cannot stand.”

Tradition. Family. Protecting what’s always been. These were the grumblings that this town rested everything on. It was a narrative that had pervaded and infected the way the Council viewed anything. They had used the same disgusting rant on my mother when she had tried to change things here to help her children and other people's children. Remembering her then made my blood turn hot and I couldn’t listen to any of that bullshit anymore. I sprung to my feet, my chair making a loud clatter as it fell back. The room fell silent.

“You are the ones who are preposterous. Look at you! You all live in denial that times have changed since you were young. Times have changed since our ancestors. Time changes people, it changes us. We have a chance to be more than just Berdusk, a town where all Men live and thrive. Why must it just be humans? Because you’re more comfortable looking at someone who looks and thinks exactly like you! It's easier, isn't it? It’s too uncomfortable to have to consider that other races could be better at your job than you! It's too uncomfortable to have to recognize that maybe your traditions are worse than outright violence. You don’t like that the world is changing to make you less important and you would drive out every last race that isn’t human if you had the chance, wouldn’t you? Including me.”

The silence in the room was deafening and none of the Councilmen would meet my eyes as I let them have a taste of what I thought of each of them.

I turned to look at my father, who was looking at me with a smug look.

“I’m dismissing myself from this meeting.” I said, before stepping down and racing out of the room.

I caught the eye of Commander Gideon who was standing outside the door into the room. He didn’t move, but I caught something in his eyes that I hadn’t noticed before. I didn’t bother dwelling on it as I continued my march out of the room, out of the building and down the steps towards the town below me.

The guards weren’t prepared as I barreled passed them and down the street. They tried to follow me, but I shook them off quickly as I wound through the crowds and into another crowded street. My head was pounding, my heart was racing and I only had one place I wanted to be.

I burst into Doxxah’s bakery, out of breath and heaving. “Where is he?” I asked.

Doxxah broke into a grin and pointed behind them. “In the back, young lord.”

I didn’t wait for permission to walk around the counter. I wove my way through the various obstacles until I found my way into the back where the room was so much more warm with all of the ovens burning. There was Drun, covered in flour and sweat. He hadn’t seen me and was bent over a tray of rolls, sprinkling a dusting of cinnamon over the top of them. He was biting his bottom lip and was deep in concentration.

All of the tension inside of me loosened at being able to see him. He was adorable in that moment, and I would have loved to take in the image of him like this, but I needed him. I cleared my throat and waited for him to look at me.

His eyes, his beautiful stormy grey eyes found mine and he raised to his full height.

“What’s wrong?” He asked. He looked behind me with a worried expression. He seemed afraid to approach me.

“I just needed to see you.” I said. “I’m…” I felt hot tears as I looked at him. Why couldn’t they see him the way I saw him? He was gentle, he was beautiful, he carried himself so carefully and thoughtfully. How could someone look at him - sprinkling cinnamon on a roll with such care for gods’ sake- and tell me he was of a lesser race? There was nothing about Drunrag that I didn't find lovely and safe and good. I closed the distance and barreled into him, wrapping my arms around him with my head buried in his chest. “Please, let’s go.”

“Where?” He asked.

“Anywhere,” I said, my voice was muffled in his chest and I felt like some pathetic child.

I felt Drun’s hands settle around me. Holding me around my shoulders and pulling me closer to him. His body was so warm.

“Will we be safe?” he asked.

I didn’t answer. I didn’t want to answer.

“Altan.” he said and he pulled me back so he could look at me, he took my hand and placed it on his chest. Oh all of the nine hells consume me, my name on his lips was sin. Gods I needed him. “Do you feel it?” he asked, using the same words I had said to him.

And I felt it, the quick beating of his heart. It was strong and steady and purposeful. I pressed my hands there, feeling comfort in its power.

“Do you understand?” He asked.

I nodded.

“Do you trust us?” He asked.

“I trust us.” I said. “But my father will never allow me to be with you. We’ll never be safe.” I looked up at him, “The city intends to kick you out, but I wouldn’t be surprised if they plan to do worse. If I can’t go with you, then promise me you’ll go and be safe.”

He shook his head, “Not without you.”

“Then let’s go.” I said. “I’ll leave it all behind, right now.”

I heard Doxxah’s throat clear behind me and I whirled around to see Commander Gideon standing next to them.

“Your grace.” He said, his voice was gentle. “Your father asked that I get you…he wanted me to inform you that you should say your goodbyes now.”

It was a threat. Say goodbye to your lover and come back repentant or face the punishment. My body tensed and I resisted moving.

“It’s alright, Altan.” Drun said softly, his hand was on my arm, and he gently coaxed me to return my attention to him.

I nodded, my face wet with tears. “Drun…I love you.”

He nodded, his hand tightened around me. “And I you.” He leaned forward and his forehead was pressed to mine. “I’m yours, djenifad. Don’t give up on me.”

He pushed me gently towards the door and I resisted every time. I saw the pain reflected in his eyes as I was being pulled away again from him. “Drun, Drunrag. I love you. I love you...” I could only say it again and again as Commander Gideon took my arm and gently began to pull me away. Drun was standing there, watching me and I saw a faint glint of wet light in his eyes.

Commander Gideon was gentle as he pulled me discreetly into the carriage that was waiting outside the bakery’s steps. Of course there were still many eyes on us as I pulled myself in.

“Commander,” I managed to say, struggling to stay composed. “What does my father intend to do to him?”

He remained calm, and he was gentle in his answer, “The Duke did not make any mention of the young orc, only to return you home.”

Somehow, that left me more scared, but I could do nothing else but nod and utter my gratitude to him. He was being surprisingly gentle and kind about all of this.

Doxxah stood at the door, but not before approaching me and placing in my hands a small box. “He made this one, he added so much cinnamon I couldn’t sell them. I think they’re for you.”

I laughed before immediately coughing and choking on my tears. My Drun, he remembered I loved cinnamon. I couldn’t speak. I was so overwhelmed with emotion. Doxxah closed the door and backed away, waving gently at me. They didn’t say anything, but I saw an ally in them. They would take care of Drun while I couldn’t be by his side.

The ride was silent, uncomfortable and the Commander was once again patient and gentle as he told me that I was to be escorted to the Duke’s chambers to meet with him. In all of this, I could sense a reluctance in the Commander’s actions. I’m sure he felt a bit like a babysitter and could easily resent me for making his job such a headache, but he continued to remain neutral and impassive.

My father’s chambers was a room I only saw when I was in trouble and I only ever associated it with bad memories. I never remembered seeing it until I started to disobey my father’s rules and resist his instructions for me, and then I would be taken there to be given a stern talking to. When stern talkings to didn’t work for him, it turned into ridicule, chastisement and sometimes physical punishment. I hated that room.

The room was all dark wood panels, red velvet curtains that kept the room dark and moody. He had little furniture in there, just a round room that was dark and shadowy. When the Commander let me walk in, he waited outside and I stepped in alone.

“You made quite the impression in the Council meeting today.” The Duke said. He was sitting at a chair, a scroll in his hand that he was reading.

My jaw was tight as I took in the sight. “You can do anything you want to me, but you can’t hurt him, do you understand?”

“By our laws, we have no grounds to do anything to him yet.” My father said coolly, not looking up from his readings. “But if I hear or see that he has touched you in any way…I can promise you that I will remove him from your life in one fell swoop and ruin any chance of you seeing him again. I have him right where I want him to keep an eye on him. And you, my son, will be kept under a more severe supervision. So I know where you will be at all times. Be careful of your actions.”

“Why is it so important to you to control me?” I asked, fighting back the emotion in my voice. I had to stay in control. “There is no love lost between us. Why must we suffer ourselves through this? I’ll never be the person you want me to be. Just let me go, let me be happy with him. I’ll never speak your name again. I’ll change my name if I must. But we don’t have to keep doing this anymore.”

“You ungrateful, insolent boy.” My father seethed, “You have been given everything since the day you were born and I have been the one to give it to you. I could have taken you from your mother as soon as I saw how she was turning your mind against me. But I let her keep you. You were always hers and I was gracious enough to let it be that way. But she is gone and you are mine now, and I will see you thanking me for the mercy I continue to show you.”

“I’m not grateful.” I spat, “How can I be grateful when you intentionally keep me from being who I am? Just…please…let us go.”

He sighed, feigning exhaustion. “I know the moment I set either of you free, you’ll be crawling right back to each other. I see it in both your eyes, you're sick for each other.”

“I’m not sick, I’ve never been sick. This is my choice.” I pleaded back, “Your Grace…Father. I love him, he means more to me than my own life.”

His eyes became wild at those words, “You would bring yourself this low to get the attention you so crave? If you desire to be nothing more than a whore, then I will find you someone better than this. You depraved child.” He rose to his feet. “I do not see how you became so wrong as you grew, but this would disappoint even your mother to see you as wanton as you are for that beast. You will not see him again, and if either of you seek each other out, it will cost him his freedom.”

I flinched, the words bit into me and I felt tears form once again on the surface of my eyelids, but I did not blink, nor back down, “So what will you have of me, now that I am your depraved, sick, deranged prisoner?” I asked “Should I worship you? Kiss your feet for your bounteous generosity for saving me from my own choices? Or would you prefer your prisoners to stay silent, meek and submissive?”

“You will be grateful and you will follow my instructions with obedience. Do you understand?” His eyes were cold and heartless as he regarded me. “Your life will be easier once you start to see what I’m doing for you and you’ll thank me someday.”

I could not bring myself to beg anymore. I saw the finality of his words in his eyes. He intended to break me, and I was afraid there was no hope to be free this time.

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wellthebardsdead · 9 months

Text

Clockwork Heart pt26

Part 25 here

———

Wyrm: *seated amongst a pile of cushions in the arcanum as Urag piles more up around them to get them comfy where everyone can keep an eye on them and allow them to rest. Everyone already on high alert looking for Ancano, but now panicking and desperately trying to figure out where vivec could be hiding* m-mr wrench?… *sniffles seeing the spider attempting to reactivate with its broken gem*

Enthir: Wyrms bedroom is clear. He must have come through the door. *walks to Wyrm and kneels down* hey shhhh it’s okay- *places Wyrms tool kit in front of him and a new soul gem* will a black one do?

Wyrm: i- I don’t know. H-he’s hurting a-and I need to fix him. *sniffles taking it deciding it’s better than nothing* th-thank you.

Urag: *pats his hair gently and sighs* Has anyone checked the dorms yet?

Enthir: Tolfdir and Mirabelle are on it.

Nerevar: What about the midden?…

Everyone: *goes silent and looks at him*

Urag: We already searched down there for ancano but, the midden is huge and treacherous.

Enthir: He could be down there but, even still how would he have gotten in here? The doors are locked. Only myself and Urag have the keys.

Nerevar: *sighs* as much as it pains me to say it. Vehk is a god. Weakened or no he’s still capable of a lot of things… Voryn, can you sense him near by?

Voryn: I can’t sense him at all. *looks up from comforting Wyrm and helping him repair mr wrench* I… I don’t understand how either, I should have a connection to him through the mountain but there’s nothing… I think of him and I feel nothing.

Wyrm: *looks up curiously* m-maybe he lost his connection to the heart when neht struck it and he’s getting his powers from somewhere else?… or maybe he reincarnated too?

Everyone: *goes silent looking at him*

Nerevar: …That… is a possibility we can’t ignore. *sighs and looks at voryn again* will you be alright without me?

Voryn: *nods* I’ll keep Wyrm safe.

Urag: I’ll be here as well.

Enthir: *stands up* I’ll gather some others to join us in the midden.

Nerevar: *nods and picks up his helm* Vehk has caused enough pain… I won’t let him inflict any more.

*a few hours later*

Nerevar: *leading the group through the icy caverns, magelight glistening off of the frigid surfaces and illuminating their path forward* When was the last time someone was down here?

Enthir: myself yesterday searching for Ancano with the rest of the collage. Perhaps he’s already up and left knowing we’re out to kill him now, but I wouldn’t put it past the conniving snake to still be lurking around here. He wants Wyrm, for more than just the artefact he absorbed.

Nerevar: *sighs* I’m aware… let’s hope we can find both him and Vehk then before they can cause more trouble for us.

Tolfdir: *casts another magelight and starts walking towards an off shoot towards a door* While you lot wander aimlessly, I’ll ask the augur for help.

Nerevar: the- who?

Enthir: …Oh fuck I’m stupid why didn’t I think of him?! *hurries to the door after him, the rest of the group and nerevar following too*

J’Zargo: wait- do the augur is real?

Onmund: I thought it was only a rumour like those students and the failed summoning ritual.

Tolfdir: no that really happened. So if you come across a daedric gauntlet stay away from it. *opens the door and steps inside revealing a magicka pool beaming with a blinding blue light* hello old friend. We need your help.

The Augur of Dunlain: So it would seem.

Nerevar: *eyes wide staring up at the sentient orb of energy* Were searching for-

The Augur of Dunlain: The wrong person… Vivec is not your enemy. Nor the one you should be seeking.

Nerevar: He broke into Wyrms bedroom, and after everything he’s done I have more than enough reason to consider him an enemy worth seeking and destroying.

The Augur of Dunlain: Wyrm let him into his chambers himself. While he may not have been aware of his actions. He left his bed and took the key from his fathers bedside. He allowed vivec in. You should have been more focused. On keeping the one named Ancano out.

Enthir: …what do you mean?…

The Augur of Dunlain: You will see when you leave this chamber. *combusts into a brilliant light before disappearing back into the earthbones beneath the collage* That you are already too late…

Enthir: … *steps out of the room and books it towards the exit near the courtyard, nerevar and the group following after him only for all of them to stop upon finding the bloodied corpse of Estormo, laying beneath the ladder, his blood only now just cool, and a huge puncture wound through his chest* G-gods what- what happened?

Nerevar: *steps forward, hand on his blade and freezing recognising that wound. His chest and back suddenly burning with the memories of a spear puncturing through him as his feet and face were sliced and torn off* Voryn- WYRM!!!

*meanwhile*

Wyrm: *smiling tearfully and holding mr wrench in his hands, his little legs making a soft plink! plink! Sound against his mechanical hand as he gets his bearings again* a-are you still you Mr wrench?

Mr Wrench: *looks at him and tilts to the side, then the other side, before twirling around and bouncing up and down joyfully*

Wyrm: *giggles and sets him down* I’m glad. *sighs and looks over at the trap door again* …

Voryn: *smiles looking up as he finishes braiding his hair* Good as new… *looks over at the door too* they’ll be fine, don’t worry.

Urag: *walks over with dinner for the three of them* They’ve only been gone an hour. The midden is huge, I’m sure they’re just searching thoroughly.

Wyrm: *nods and sighs moving to take his share* I know papa I just-

???: Wyrm?…

Wyrm: *ears pricking up, immediately looks at the door and feels his heart flutter seeing taliesin standing there, not even registering or questioning why he was wearing his thalmor robes again, or where Kaidan and Inigo were* Tali!! *gets up and runs to him before voryn & Urag can stop him*

Voryn: *third eye wide open seeing through the illusion* WYRM DONT-

Wyrm: *runs into the high elfs arms giving him a tight hug and immediately freezing recognising the scent… mint and ozone. Not milk and honey…* … *looks up slowly seeing golden eyes staring back at him behind a mask of taliesins face* a-ancano-

Ancano: *smiles down at him sliding a knife against his back* Hello little prince.

*a few minutes later*

Nerevar: *busts out of the trap door from the midden and into courtyard only to find Urag and voryn both standing out in the snow with the remaining members of the collage minus the arch mage, and Wyrm* What’s going on?!

Urag: *holding up a ward as his atronachs try to break down the doors* HE HAS MY SON IN THERE!!

Voryn: *hurries to neht and falls into his arms as Hortator meets him half way* he came in disguised as Taliesin! We couldn’t stop Wyrm from running to him! He held him at knife point and ordered everyone out of the hall and now we can’t get in!

Brelyna: he said he’d cut his throat if we tried!

Mirabelle: but now he’s warded every entrance in the collage!

Nerevar: *grits his teeth staring at the entrance* Hold on Wyrm… we’ll find a way in…

*meanwhile*

Ancano: *smirking as he completes the ward, listening to the soft frightened muffled cries behind him* Oh come now pet, don’t cry. *turns around admiring the view* You got yourself into this situation after all.

Wyrm: *hovering over the magicka pool, robes torn, hands bound behind his back and mouth stuffed with cloth and tied tight. Visibly trembling and staring at him with wide eyes, his Pearl eye reflecting the light of the pool beneath him* mm-mmmphh!

Ancano: *grins and paces around him slowly* And here comes that little attitude of yours again. *winces as his still broken arm aches from simply moving* No matter, I’m sure this will be a sufficient punishment. *stops and unfolds his arms letting lightning crackle at his finger tips*

Wyrm: *whimpers watching the sparks fly off of his gloves nervously* mm??

Ancano: Tsk, oh don’t look at me like that little prince. I was hoping to use the ‘staff of Magnus’ As Estormo affectionately called it. To find out just what it was you absorbed into your body. But from what I understand, with enough pain… *holds up his hand* You’ll show me yourself.

Wyrm: *closes his eyes as a blinding blue light flies towards him, sending shockwaves throughout his body making the metal of his arm against his flesh burn and blister and his body convulse wildly* MMMPHHGHHHH!!!!

Ancano: *smirks loving how sweet he sounds when crying out so helplessly* Hm, perhaps I should take this a bit slower, so I can hear you cry for mercy and apologise for your behavio- *coughs as he suddenly makes impact with the floor, his robe smoking from a fireball blind sighting him* what th-

Savos Aren: *steps into view* Ancano stop this this instant!! Release him or I’ll make you!

Ancano: oh?… *laughs rising to his feet* Look who finally decided to grow a spine… *raises his hands blasting Wyrm again while hiding behind him like a meat shield* Just try and stop me.

Savos Aren: *eyes wide in horror watching the younger mer writhe and scream in agony* You despicable coward!!! *runs towards the magicka fountain, his hand outstretched to strike, only for Wyrm to suddenly snap back violently with a scream of thousands of voices, bellowing out as if from the bowels of a dying beast* What the-

???: Do you need me?

Wyrm: *opens his eyes to find himself in a strange city, the sky a deep purple glittering with stars and surrounded by giant orbiting gears. Above him a tree covered in pink blossoms, it’s petals falling onto his face with soft feather like touches, and in front of him, sotha sil* you…

Sotha sil: *holds out his mechanical hand to him* Do you need my help?…

Wyrm: *stares up at him for a moment before scowling, still angry at him for all of this, for everything* no. *swats his hand away* I wish I’d never been born! I wish you’d never made me! Everything was fine until I found out about you! Everything went wrong because of you! I HATE YOU!!!

Sotha Sil: *staggers back as the smaller dunmers voice rips through the veil between waking and dreaming, his hand clutching his chest in pain where his heart would be, trying to hold him here and reason with him that the alternative could kill him… only for the vision to collapse as the thrumming of the doom drum replaces him in Wyrms mind* N-no-

Wyrm: *covers his ears and stares up at the heart of lorkhan as it comes into view. The purple skies now replaced with boiling rocks and magma flowing like blood weeping veins between their cracks. The red mass twisting and contorting as visions of the screaming dwemer come into view, all of them reaching for him, calling to him, calling to him with the doom drum* I’m-… im sick, of running. I’m sick of you. Be… *reaches up his mechanical hand, the aetherium conduit glowing brightly within its plating and rumbling with the hum of the aurbis, louder and louder the closer he gets until everything falls silent as his fingers touch the pulsing mass* Quiet…

*meanwhile*

Taliesin: *dismounts his horse at the ‘stables’ near the inn before taking the staff from Kaidan so he can get down too* Come on let’s get going.

Inigo: ehhm? W-were the lights gleaming from the collage always so bright?

Taliesin: what? *looks up to see the magicka pools guiding the path to the collage shining huge pillars of light up into the sky* I… don’t think so but, it i- *staggers back as an ungodly blast shakes the earth and a shockwave erupts from the collage*

Kaidan: What in oblivion was that?! *helps him upright*

Taliesin: *pulls away from him and runs to the collage frantically, his heart sinking to find everyone in the courtyard gathered around the body of Savos Aren* What is going o- *freezes in place looking past them all and through the open doors to the hall, his eyes fixated on Wyrm as his body glows brighter than the sun and the strange shards swirl around him faster and faster as ancano floods his body with lightning* no… *rips the fabric from the staff as he pushes past them and into the collage* ANCAN- *staggers back as he hits an almost invisible barrier*

Ancano: *mind overflowing with knowledge no mortal should possess, magic overflowing and spilling into his body, and laughing maniacally as lightning blasts from every part of himself* ITS NO USE IN TRYING YOU USELESS PATHETIC WORM!!! HES ALL MIN- AGHHHHHHH!!!! *screams and claws at his face as mr wrench suddenly launches up onto him, gouging at his eyes with his pointed legs and zapping him with all his might*

Taliesin: HOLD HIM BACK WRENCHY!!! *slams his fist on the barrier before looking at the staff and taking aim with it, sparing one last glance at Wyrm as he does so* please. Please work-

???: Smash it…

Taliesin: *pauses for a moment hearing an oddly familiar voice whisper to him, Wyrms voice but deeper, wiser, older… echoing and whispering from the vortex of shards and light surrounding the dunmer and circling the chamber* … *swings the staff up and slams it against the stone floor*

*BOOOOOM!!!!*

Taliesin: *coughs and sits up holding his side* gods- I didn’t expect that- *looks up through the dust and debris to see Wyrm floating still, the shards of the soul of lorkhan gone, only a gentle swirling light, flowing from the remnants of the staff and into his body as the burning glow fades, and he’s left as himself, his Wyrm, his Pearl, his moth* Wyrm?

Wyrm: *body still bound and badly injured, slowly opens his eyes revealing a large crack in the pearl* m-…mmmphh?… *floats slowly down into the pool of magicka, it’s blue glow forming the shape of clawed hands, as if the Augur of Dunlain finally came to join in his rescue too*

Taliesin: *quickly gets up and runs to him without a moments hesitation* Wyrm- Wyrm it’s me. *drops to his knees and unties his hands before pulling the cloth from his mouth to find it covered in blood* Oh gods Wyrm no, no I was too late, I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry I should have never left-

Wyrm: *shakily touches his face with his mechanical hand, his real one too weak to move* you… came back… *smiles* tal…li *goes slack as he passes out*

Taliesin: Wyrm no! No- please no!

???: *coughs* You-

Taliesin: *looks back to see ancano getting up, the other high elf covered in blood, his skin blistered, fried from extreme casters burn and lightning crackling still from his body as he stares at him with one wide, wild eye… the other gone thanks to Mr wrench* it’s over Ancano… *reaches for berwhale*

Ancano: *not focused on him, his gaze focused completely on the dunmer in his arms, his obsession, his prince, his ultimate source of power* H-heh,heheheHehaHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Over?! OVER?! *raises his hand as lightning crackles against his glove now melted to his flesh* I’ll give you ove-

???: I. Focking. Dare. You.

Taliesin: *looks up to see Kaidan and Inigo approaching, followed by Nerevar holding Voryn in his arms, along side Urag and Enthir. And then the rest of the collage*

Ancano: *takes his chance seeing Taliesin turn his gaze. Suddenly lunges forward snatching Wyrm from his grasp and holding him out by the back of his neck like a meat shield* This isn’t over! *laughs watching how quickly they all clam up and step out of the way, letting him move by and out into the courtyard* I’ll come back! The dominion will level this place to the ground! I’ll level it to the ground! And I’ll take great delight in pissing on all of your gra- *coughs up blood and drops Wyrm in shock as a sharp, unbearable pain fills his chest and the cracking of his ribs fills his ears* wh- what?… *looks down slowly to see the spear he’d used to kill estormo embedded in his chest* I?… *staggers back* no I-it can’t end like- *looks up to see the hulking mass of ice charging towards him as Urag sets his atronachs upon him* this. *coughs out a feeble, pathetic whimper as the daedric elemental beast impales him through his eye, before beating him into a bloody corpse*

Enthir: *runs to Wyrm lifting him up out of the snow and swiftly carrying him to Urag, Nerevar and Voryn* He’s freezing let’s get him inside quickly-

Voryn: *breathing shallow, his face pale and dripping sweat as he grips onto nerevar for dear life* h-hurry- p-please.

Urag: *takes Wyrm from Enthir and into his arms without hesitation* I’ve got hi-

Taliesin: *places his hand on Wyrms chest, healing him with everything he’s got* let’s go I’ll keep up.

Urag: *feeling immense guilt for ever doubting taliesins intentions for his son* I… *looks at Kaidan and inigo*

Kaidan: *pulling a blanket out of his bag and laying it over Voryn as inigo pulls one out and lays it on Wyrm* We’ve got your back.

Urag: … *looks at nerevar and voryn before looking back at taliesin* let’s go. *hurries up into the arcanum*

Nerevar: We’ll be right behind you- *moves to follow only to pause as movement catches his eye from Ancanos corpse… finally seeing what actually killed him as a very familiar spear rises up slowly from his mangled body and floats weightlessly up into the air, towards the invisible figure perched atop the statue of Shalidor* …You…

Vivec: *suddenly becomes visible as he takes hold of his spear. Simply smiles down at him and voryn from his perch* You and Voryn always did look nice together… try to stay out of Wyrms way.

*Chime!*

Nerevar: *blinks only to see vivec gone, disappeared into the falling snow… along with Ancanos corpse* … *looks down to see voryn barely clinging onto consciousness, trembling in his arms, not from the pain, but from fear* my love?

Voryn: wh-what does he want with our boy?…

Nerevar: *heart fluttering a little to hear him refer to Wyrm as theirs, all four of them, Enthir, Urag and themselves all already having an unspoken agreement to be his parental figures* I don’t know… but I’m afraid… *bundles him up further in the blanket and swiftly carries him up the steps to the arcanum*

*a few hours later*

Taliesin: *sighs unfurling his bedroll by Wyrms bed, wanting to be as close as possible to him* does the bruising look bad?

Kaidan: *trying to get mr wrench to give him Ancanos eye so he can throw it away* You look like a bruised banana. No- oi, give it back.

Mr wrench: *scuttles away frantically with his battle trophy*

Kaidan: you cheeky little shit!

Taliesin: *sighs* Mirabelle was right then, I broke a rib. *unpacks his bag and sighs dropping the apple he’d been saving for a snack, watching it roll under the bed* damn it… *reaches under and feels around for it only to find a box instead* hm? *pulls it out to find a pair of tattered and well loved ballet shoes inside* oh?… *picks one up seeing how it had been worn down in places, sloppily stitched together in others, and patched up in every way imaginable* I didn’t know he liked to dance… *jumps a little and quickly puts the box away as the door opens and Urag enters carrying Wyrm in his arms, the small dunmer covered in bandages and bundled in a warm blanket* is he-

Urag: he’s alright… *lays him on the bed and tucks him in* I know, I have no right to ask. After all you’ve been through. But can you watch over him tonight?… please?… voryn can’t protect him in his current condition and he’ll-

Taliesin: I-it’s okay I’ll watch over him. I promise.

Urag: *nods and smiles sadly* He was… heart broken when you left… *tucks Wyrm in* when all of you left but… There was pain in his voice when he mentioned you… Taliesin.

Taliesin: …And I swear I’ll never make him hurt like that again…

Inigo: I GOT THE EYEBA- *screams as mr wrench pounces on him*

#skyrim taliesin #urag gro shub #Enthir #Kaidan skyrim #inigo skyrim #voryn dagoth #nerevar #Wyrm dragonborn #sotha sil #vivec #ancano

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cat-astro-pick · 25 days

Text

𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑻𝒆𝒓𝒓𝒊𝒃𝒍𝒆 𝑾𝒐𝒓𝒅, 𝑳𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝟎𝟒

𝑀𝑎𝑖𝑛 𝐶ℎ𝑎𝑟𝑎𝑐𝑡𝑒𝑟𝑠, 𝐸𝑧𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑙 𝑥 𝐹𝑒𝑚! 𝑅𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑒𝑟

𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑻𝒆𝒓𝒓𝒊𝒃𝒍𝒆 𝑾𝒐𝒓𝒅, 𝑳𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝟎𝟎

𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑻𝒆𝒓𝒓𝒊𝒃𝒍𝒆 𝑾𝒐𝒓𝒅, 𝑳𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝟎𝟏

𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑻𝒆𝒓𝒓𝒊𝒃𝒍𝒆 𝑾𝒐𝒓𝒅, 𝑳𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝟎𝟐

𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑻𝒆𝒓𝒓𝒊𝒃𝒍𝒆 𝑾𝒐𝒓𝒅, 𝑳𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝟎𝟑

"Why are you so dismissive?"

"Of what?"

"...Of me."

"I've been busy working on new stuff. Well, cause it's a new genre I'm trying out and I-."

"You know, you're a big talker when you lie."

I'd never heard his voice so low. In fact, I'd never thought of him as capable of such an intimidating voice in the first place. I'd always assumed Ezreal's vocal cords would only produce beautiful voices, but…apparently not.

I sucked in a breath, not wanting to sound pathetic. I let it out slowly, not wanting it to look like a sigh, and Ezreal's eyebrows twitched. It's always like this. He caught the part I didn't want to be caught, too fast, and then he comforted me. Comfort that I didn't ask for. If it were simply hypocrisy, it wouldn't bother me so much. The reason I'm bothered, yes, is because Ezreal is such an innocent, nice guy ever. I've never seen him this mad before. Not recently, not even before. The anger he was feeling today was purely my fault, and I couldn't be grumpy or irritable with him. Guilt pierced through my heart like a sledgehammer. Even the act of putting my hands in my pockets felt unnatural because I knew better than anyone else that, it was my fault. If it were dramatic, this is where I should have dropped to my knees, but an unknown emotion squeezed the words out of my mouth. It molded the words, forcing them out of my throat.

"...What if I tell you now that I don't remember?"

"What?"

A series of brief memories haunt me. When they started, I don't know. A tone of frustration, denser than embarrassment and irritation, pierces my ears. I hid under the shadows created by cap like a frightened kitten. I was the one who spoke the unforgivable words, and I was the one who ran away in fear. Yeah, I'm that kind of human being, that's what I'm made of. I was unreasonably frightened, but I'm sure Ezreal didn't mean to scare me. If he wanted me to be scared and beg for forgiveness, he wouldn't have made that stupid face. I did something wrong, I deserved to be reprimanded, but it was Ezreal who was acting like a sinner. Simply because I, scared him.

"I don't remember. I don't even know what I said to you."

"..."

"If you want me to be a little more brazen, I don't understand why you've been obsessing over what I said for days, when I was probably drunk and out of it anyway."

"...Enough."

Hell is a fitting place for me to end up. It's better to throw yourself down the stairs to the other side without thinking twice about the ambiguity of heaven or hell, and it's the same with relationships. Even in this one-sided love relationship, I can't be honest anymore. That I crave more than attention from you, that those are the real, deep feelings we've been screaming about since we were kids, and that those simple four-letter words keep hurting me. So, prove it to me. Cause when I realize you don't care about me in the slightest, I'm going to want to die. Prove to me how you feel about me, how far you'll take my immature rants, and if you even care about me. If you don't, then we're done.

My brain felt like it was in two pieces. Egos fighting. I am pushing myself and pushing Ezreal at the same time, to the point where there is no consensus. If someone asks me where and how our relationship went wrong, I don't know what to say. I can't even remember when I started falling for him.

"What the hell did I say to you that made you so mad that Kayn is talking shit to me? Nah, I don't understand why you're mad in the first place!"

No, he's not even angry, he's just hurt. This is not even in my mind.

"What did you come all the way to the studio for? What did you say to them?"

He used to come by often, just like I used to. She probably didn't say anything, because I'd embarrass her.

"'You're-'"

"I said enough!"

The sharp voice cut between us, but nothing else existed but silence. I wish he'd slap me, but when I glance down, all I see is a tightly clenched fist. I know he's not the kind of man to swing a fist. And it's not that I'm a masochist who's desperate to hit him, it's just that his knuckles are so pitifully red and white from clenching so hard.

"..."

He's crying. His eyes, which should be sparkling and shining under the spotlight on the stage, are wet with tears, not starry lights. In the end, it was me who was stupid from start to finish. I prided myself on being able to read other people's moods with ease, but this time, I missed it. I couldn't tell if the heavens were punishing me for my arrogance, or if I was just as dumb as a moth to a flame when it came to Ezreal. In the first place, Ezreal's emotion wasn't anger. It was frustration, fear, and finally impatience. He's not the kind of person to cry tears of anger.

I wonder why I didn't realize that.

“Ez…”

" Do I really make you miserable?"

"...What?"

"You said I'm the reason you're tired to death every day."

"...What are you talking about..."

A cold sweat trickled down my spine. I'd assumed the worst, but there was worse waiting for me than I'd ever imagined. Ezreal couldn't have been thinking this on his own. He's not that pessimistic.

"If you really think I'm to blame for your misfortune."

No. It's not like that. I tried to say something, but the words were stuck in my throat and felt like they were being strangled. I felt like I was slowly suffocating. Like sand being sucked out of the middle of a desert, I was slowly being eaten away.

"Then it would be more helpful if I left you."

His loosely tied hair whipped in the wind. I stare at the distant, distant back of his head, and it feels like the end of the world. It was only after my already weary hand gripped his arm that I realized that tears from the bitter wind were wetting my cheeks. I was a sinner, and I shed many tears for nought. I became impatient. And soon I felt tempted to scream, frustrating. It seemed to me that despair had taken hold of me to the end and would not let go. Many days and nights passed, many of which were ordinary days where I didn't care what happened. And, yes, honestly, I wanted to tell myself that Ezreal was making my life miserable, even though I knew it wasn't him that was making me miserable, it was my feelings for him.

"I'm not miserable because of you."

A sense of unreality envelops my toes. It wasn't the coziness of a lazy daydream. Each delicate feature of his face in my vision crumbled into shards. The shards ran down my cheeks, dangling precariously from the tip of my chin, before falling to the floor and becoming jewelry for ants.

"I mistook you for misfortune, because I... have a crush on you."

Yes, this is penance. And, confession.

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