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gay-dorito-dust · 28 days

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How they’d react to you kissing their cheek unexpectedly…

Boothill: seeing as how his face is the only part of him that could actually feel your touch, something he had disclosed with you in confidence and away from preying eyes.

So the moment you pressed a kiss to his cheek, Boothill melts, it was in this moment where he realised how truly touch starved he was ever since acquiring a new body. It made him hate it even more then he already did for he couldn’t experience the joy of holding your hand, having you pressed up against his chest, nothing.

He couldn’t feel none of that and he hates it so fucking much.

He hated the fact that he couldn’t feel you kiss his fingers or feel you press yourself again his back in a hug, nor the kisses that he could only imagine being pressed there, not to mention the times where you would nuzzle your face into his neck for he couldn’t feel that either.

‘Please.’ He pleads when he felt that you were about to pull away, desperately grasping at your waist that he couldn’t feel the flesh of, pulling you back into him. ‘Spare another one of your sweetest kisses for me darlin’?’ He asks in dire need of you and your kisses.

‘I’d happily give you all the kisses you could ever want.’ You replied and Boothill truly believed that you must be a saint or something because how could someone like you be with someone like him? It just doesn’t make sense.

‘Then we’ll be here for a long while sweetheart because I want them all, so don’t you go given them to anyone else, ya hear?’ He says and you only gave him another lingering kiss to his cheek, making him tighten his hold on you.

‘Then shall we get started?’ You asked with a smile.

Aventurine: ‘oh. What’s this? Kissing my cheek without warning me beforehand.’ He gasps as he holds a hand to his heart. ‘How scandalous of you.’

He’d act like your affection has no real effect on him but the faint blush scattered across his cheeks told a very different story. A story that said that he wasn’t use to your tenderness and affection towards him, that he doesn’t deserve you nor your love and that hurt you deeply.

‘It maybe scandalous to you but to me, I just want to show that you’re more than worth every bit of my affection, and just know that nothing anyone will say can persuade me into thinking otherwise.’ You told him and cheeky smirk upon his lips softened with the rest of his face.

‘You…you mean that?’ He says meekly. ‘You’re not joking…are you?’

You pressed another kiss to his cheek, letting it linger there before pulling away. ‘I’d never joke about how much you mean to me, I’m not that heartless or cruel. I adore you my darling, sweet Kakavasha.’ You answered him truthfully. ‘So if you allow me, I can show you just how much I adore you.’

Aventurine didn’t say anything at first, still wondering after all this time if he was really worth everything you’ve done for him, but one look in your eyes and the blonde knew he had his definitive answer. ‘Please show me just how much you love me, make me forget about the voices in my head that make me second guess my worth and just make me yours with every kiss.’

Argenti: thanks you for the cheek kiss before reciprocating with one of his own.

You pout. ‘I’m meant to be spoiling you in affection right now.’

Argenti cocks his head to the side, confused. ‘Why should I allow you to bless me with your kisses and not reciprocate them? Wouldn’t that seem…selfish of me.’ He asks.

‘No it wouldn’t.’ You tell him as you held his face within your hands. ‘I want you to be selfish and let me smother you in affection without feeling the need to do the same becuase you do that enough as it is on a daily basis.’ You stopped to rest your forehead against his forehead, rubbing your nose softly against his own. ‘So please just let me show you how much I care for you and thank you for being you, my sweet knight.’

Argenti sighs, allowing himself to think it over in his head. He didn’t like being selfish, it felt wrong for him to be self-indulgent when he could be the one giving you the affection, but after some time he has finally come to a conclusion. ‘Alright, I willingly concede to your wishes my star, I shall be selfish with your love.’

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kingkaizen · 11 days

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𝓫𝓻𝓮𝓮𝓭𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓱𝓬'𝓼

∘ desc: breeding scenarios revolving around the jujutsu kaisen boys, hope you enjoy <3

∘ ft: gojo, geto, nanami, sukuna,+ choso

∘ a/n: first post on the blog! im so excited for you all to read. pls let me know if you want something similar for different characters, i'm open to ideas!

∘ includes: nsfw, breeding, dirty talk, creampie, crying

Gojo

↠ this man has one of the biggest breeding kinks, this isn’t up for debate he’s so serious

↠ he can’t help but love the possessiveness of it all, the way you squeeze around him so tight while he mumbles over and over about how much he wants to fill you up

↠ “Fuck princess, you’re clenching around me so hard..makes me wanna give that pretty pussy what it deserves.”

↠ “Yeah, you want me to cum inside you baby? How bad do you want it? Tell me baby.”

↠ he can’t really make out your desperate response, but he could tell how much his words are affecting you by the way your back begins to arch paired with your eyes rolling to the back of your head

↠ the thought of getting you pregnant turns him on much more than he’d like to admit to you, why wouldn’t he want to put his claim over you in the most primal way possible?

↠ gojo can’t stop himself from pounding into you harder, reaching impossibly deeper as he presses your legs against your chest

↠ “I can’t wait to see you all full with my cum, with our child.”

↠ his fingers stroke at your clit before moving up to rub your tummy

↠ “right here? im gonna fuck a baby into you.”

Geto

↠ geto’s breeding kink isn’t something that he’s ever mentioned to you before

↠ truthfully, it isn’t really something that he’s put much thought into in the first place

↠ it’s more of an “in the moment” thing

↠ he’s always been very rational, but all sense goes out the window once he hears your voice

↠ “god, you always sound so cute for me. begging for my cum just how i like.”

↠ he wants you to tell him how much you want it. He won’t give it to you unless he knows how desperate you are

↠ but even then, he knows that there’s no way that he could ever deny you anything

↠ so when he finally does let it all go, he doesn’t stop until you’re shaking underneath him

↠ “i’m gonna fill you up again and again until i cant anymore, you deserve it all.”

Sukuna

↠ breeding to sukuna is a privilege

↠ he doesn’t care how needy you get, if you don’t deserve it, he won’t give it to you

↠ he’s a huge tease, so even if you think you’ve been good, he’s still never going to make it that easy

↠ he loves it most when you work so, so hard just to prove it to him

↠ with your hands gripping the sheets beneath you, he has you on all fours, towering over you casually as you push back against him

↠ “god you’re such a slut, i didn’t think you were this desperate to get me off.”

↠ his laugh sounds so sinister coming from him, smiling so wide at the way your arms shook as they began to give out

↠ sighing deeply, he braces a hand against the headboard, other hand gripping your waist as he finally moves you on his cock himself

↠ “you’re so pathetic, making me do all the work when you promised you could make me cum yourself. i guess you’d rather have me finish on your back then, hm?”

↠ the sound of your whining in response makes him feel that much more powerful

↠ “calm down, im just kidding. i’ll make sure you take it all inside of you like a good girl.”

Nanami

↠ nanami isnt someone that i can see wanting kids

↠ sure, he probably would be very good with kids but it isnt something that he necessarily wants for himself

↠ the only aspect of this kink that nanami enjoys is the mess

↠ sex with him is always so passionate, he puts his everything into making you feel good

↠ he can’t help but crave the sight of his cum leaking out of your cunt, and the way it always leaves you twitching and begging for more

↠ “you always feel so good, getting me so worked up already.”

↠ after he’s through with you, he never stops there

↠ carefully placing your sore legs back down from their previous spot on his shoulders, he slowly plunges his fingers into your core

↠ he’s almost ashamed of himself by how much he gets off to your fallen tears as he scoops his cum from inside of you, hushing your soft hisses with rough kisses to your face

↠ “c’mon baby, i want you to see how good we taste together.”

Choso

↠ breeding for choso isn’t about the potential risks or even the mess

↠ he simply just wants to bury himself deep inside of you, completely losing all and any sense of control

↠ he never really indulges you in this kink unless he really just needs to let off some steam

↠ seeing you wear literally anything is enough to get him in the mood, he’s so attracted to you

↠ you were both on your way to meet up with some friends, but he couldn’t help dragging you into the bathroom

↠ you soon found yourself being fucked against the wall, choso not having a care in the world about anyone who could just walk in

↠ “i’m sorry baby, i couldn’t wait, j-just wanna be inside you.”

↠ he thrusts into you with such urgency, so needy for his release so that he can watch the way his cum trickles down your thighs

↠ your nails dragging down his back while creaming all over him sends him right to the edge, loud and desperate groans making its way to your ears as he sets you back down

↠”now you’re gonna walk back out there and hold my cum inside of you until we’re done here, okay?”

#jujutsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu kaisen smut #gojo x reader #gojo x reader smut #gojo smut #jjk x reader smut #jjk smut #sukuna smut #sukuna x reader #choso smut #choso x reader #geto x reader #geto smut #jjk x reader

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8myass · 3 months

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.. sweetheart .. pairing. jeong yoonoh/jaehyun x female reader genre. angst, fluff pov. second person (you, yours, yourself, etc.) synopsis. you realize the man you hate might actually be quite hot. wc. 0.9k cw. “enemy”!jaehyun, nerd!reader tw. enemies to lovers kinda?, cursing, mentions murder (it’s a silly joke), depictions of violence (all in good fun), reader realizing she might like jae a/n. third work in the jaehyun birthday event! i really like this one actually?! not proofread or edited, sorry for any grammar or spelling mistakes!

You were sitting in silence at your desk, peacefully writing down the notes the professor was yelling out over the entirety of the room, loud enough so that anyone should be able to hear her. However, beside you sat your very oblivious seatmate, Jaehyun, who had no idea what she was even talking about, earbuds in his ears as he blasted some hardcore rock music as loud as he possibly could, loud enough that you heard every beat precisely, almost as clear as he heard it himself. His phone was pulled out behind his textbook that he had stood up on top of his desk, which made it very obvious that he was hiding something behind it, but the professor was too fed up with the day that she didn’t bother to scold him about it as she always did, just wanting to leave and go home, deeming it not worth the argument today when she has barely over ten minutes left to continue speaking her mind about the given topic.

You sighed deeply, yet nearly silently as you glanced over at the incompetent male next to you. He was older than you, but not by much at all, and he certainly did not act as though he was older than you in any sense, if anything he acted younger than you. You were already fed up with his shit and you only recently joined his class, a new semester starting up which brought the beginning of this new class, with him by your side.

You couldn’t help but feel like the universe was picking on you to an extent. I mean, pairing you up with someone like him. You focused on school all the time, homework was a stress-relief for you, and if your hand didn’t have a pencil in it, your head was buried in a random book you pulled off one of many bookshelves littering your near-empty dorm bedroom. Meanwhile, Jaehyun hasn’t completed a single assignment for any subject on his own, making either his friends – meaning the ones who kiss his ass to be considered “cool” around the campus – do it for him, or he simply flirts with the professor into passing him for the assignment, whether he’s done it or not. He seems like he has a superiority complex, like he believes he’s all high and mighty, better than everyone he’s surrounded by.

You hated that. You truthfully loathed that about him.

Not to mention, he noticed that you liked to hang out by yourself and he took it into his own hands to find you friends so you’re not lonely, because he thought that’s why you were always separated from the crowd. There is no explanation for why he decided he needed to be the one to find you friends, but he did it without asking you first, showing up to your dorm with a bunch of random people and inviting him, as well as those random people, into your place.

Now that you’re sitting in class, waiting for the professor to dismiss the class so she could go home and rest for the rest of the day, you couldn’t help but glare at him. You wanted to rip his gorgeous brown strands of hair out of his perfectly sculpted head, gauge his stunningly tired hazel eyes out, and rip that tongue out of his sexy mouth as he flicked it over his bottom lip while focusing on something popping onto his phone screen.

“What are you looking at me for?” he asked, eyes meeting yours with a hint of curiosity in them, pulling one earbud out of his ear, waiting for a response.

“I just realized you’re quite handsome,” you shrugged, turning back to your notes as you glanced up at the professor again.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Where did this come from?” he sat up quickly, bumping the desk and sending his textbook falling down onto the desk, a loud bang echoing through the room, all eyes snapping over to him. He apologized quietly to his classmates and the professor who simply sighed, waving his apologies off, being so accustomed to his disturbances by now that it didn’t bother her quite as much as it would’ve when she had first welcomed him to her class.

“Yes, Mr. Jeong, I’m well aware you’re sorry, you always are, aren’t you?” she inhaled deeply, speaking again only as she exhaled, “Well, that should be all for today’s class session anyway. Please, enjoy the rest of your afternoon.”

She spun on her heels and walked to her desk, gathering her things before racing out the door, making her way out faster than any of the students themselves had even gotten out of their chairs. You stood up as well, scoffing with a subtle wink as you looked over at Jaehyun who was just sitting there staring up at you, his head cocked, looking like a lost puppy, “I will simply kill you with kindness since the alternative is illegal.”

With those words, you packed your books into your bag, slinging it over your shoulder before walking out the same door the professor had exited from. He hurried after you, question after question flying out of his constantly gaped mouth until you arrived in front of your dorm, sighing and spinning around to poke his chest with your pointer fingers, “This is where you stop, but I’ll see you tomorrow, right?”

He nodded quickly, “Definitely. I’ll meet you here in the morning. When’s your first class?”

You rolled your eyes playfully, genuinely not being able to believe he was kissing your ass so much. I mean, all you were trying to do was play the same game he’s playing with you, but toward him instead. How is he falling for it so quickly? You laughed before handing him your phone, letting him put his number into the device before throwing it back into your pocket, “I’ll text you.”

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hiddendruid · 10 months

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Willow Month - Day 2: Favorite Relationship

This one is so hard for me. There’s so many wonderful relationships, so I'm gonna talk about multiple. So here are my favorite relationships in Willow (in no particular order):

1. Kit and Jade

I’ve seen my share of sapphic relationships, but not that many in fantasy. And none that immediately drew me in as strongly as these two. Not just their chemistry, but also just how much they bounce off each other as characters, if that makes sense. Like Jade being a courtly knight wanting to protect Kit, but also wanting to make sure Kit gets her training and not wanting to “save” her. And Kit being super selfish and taking her friendship with Jade for granted until she realizes how much she loves her???? Incredible 10/10.

2. Kit and Boorman

I feel like the way these two interact with each other is not only hilarious, but extremely relatable. As someone with an older brother, I FELT the sibling vibes between these two right away. Also the fact that they are both so intrinsically tied to Madmartigan and his legacy, it’s so good! I also love how Boorman passes off the cuirass and its power to Kit, knowing that its her story and her bravery that’s going to save the day. Poetry!!

3. Graydon and Elora

Listen. . .I could write ESSAYS about these two. They are THE relationship. From the moment Graydon told Elora she was extraordinary, I was in for the ride. There’s so many facets of their relationship that I could peel back and examine from their shared growth in doing magic to the ability for both characters to be able to share their trauma and crap with each other. Also SO MUCH ROMANCE I COULD EAT THIS SHIT UP. Like???? Graydon helping Elora with her magical pronunciation then saying “Perfect” while looking at her with his puppy dog eyes? Elora helping Graydon tie his shirt and looking deeply into his eyes?!?!?!?!?!?!

“WHEN WE REACH THE IMMEMORIAL CITY, I KNOW YOU’LL SAVE AIRK AND YOU TWO WILL RUN OFF TOGETHER BECAUSE YOU LOVE HIM. AND WHILE I DON’T LOVE HIM I DO LOVE YOU. IT’S OKAY I’M NOT ASKING YOU TO LOVE ME BACK. I JUST WANTED YOU TO KNOW BECAUSE WITHOUT YOU I NEVER WOULD HAVE BECOME THE MAN I ALWAYS WANTED TO BE?!?!?!??!”

Deceased. Dead. Dead Deceased. Not to mention there’s still a whole other side of their relationship we haven’t been able to explore yet because Elora hasn’t fully grappled with her feelings for Graydon yet. (pst, this is one of the reasons we need a Season 2)

4. Kit and Elora

These two made me cry so much while watching this show. I’m a sucker for sister relationships. I love that Elora is such a big sister for Kit - giving her advice and helping her self-actualize - and then Kit is such a snotty little sister pushing Elora over the edge (literally) and getting her to be brave. Also the growth of their relationship over the course of the show is so fantastic. And it feels real. It doesn’t feel like forced drama. I just adore how Kit has to grapple not only with the fact that this kitchen maid is the most powerful sorcerer in the world, but also the fact that her life has been prioritized over hers. Their scene in “Beyond the Shattered Sea” at the waterfall was so powerful.

5. Willow and Graydon

Honestly, I could make an argument for every relationship between Willow and another member of the party. But there’s something so special about Graydon and Willow’s relationship. The little back and forth between them in episode 3 was so silly “Which one of us is the High Aldwyn? Oh yeah, it’s me.” and “Don’t say groin in mixed company.” Are some highlights for me. But then episode 5 really cemented it for me. The two of them talking about Elora felt very much like a dad talking to his daughter’s boyfriend. But then, by the end, the fact that Willow (truthfully I might add) told Graydon that he’s a good person. And then from then on, we got to see Willow become a sort of mentor and guide for Graydon. Like??? I got so teary-eyed in the finale when Willow told Graydon he was “on his way to becoming a great sorcerer, and an even greater man” then screamed “NO” when Graydon got shunted into the Wyrm realm. Like?!?! It’s so perfect.

6. Graydon and Boorman

OK, last but certainly not least, I adore these two. I feel like Willow really nails non-toxic masculine friendships so well. Boorman initially being the target for Graydon’s dad, but then becoming a sort of older brother figure for Graydon is such a perfect little arc. Also, Boorman does a great job of bringing Graydon out of his shell. He’s so supportive, but also is such a wonderful comedic contrast to Graydon’s ‘straight man.’ Boorman saves Graydon’s flute from the Immemorial City. That’s so fantastic, and such a great little nod to how much Boorman cared about Graydon.

Again, there’s too many to choose, so I settled for 6. There’s so many amazing relationship dynamics in this show and all of them are so fantastic I could go on and on and on.

#willow 2022 #willow series #willowmonth2023 #kit tanthalos #graydon hastur #elora danan #tanthamore #graylora #thraxus boorman #willow ufgood

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temporaerthaervaerk · 1 month

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Reasons why I headcannon Haru from Free! as autistic (some aren't diagnostic criteria but I'm autistic and I relate, so bite me):

He only eats fish (mackerel) ("You like mackerel too much" is a running gag)

He loves water because of the way it feels (sensory seeking)

He's the only one who sees a difference in his swimtrunks (he likes some better because the way they feel/they fit differently) (hyper sensitive sense)

His special interests are swimming and mackerel

When trying to convince others to swim, he mimics the way he thinks you should do it (with no regard to social cues) (masking)

Limited facial expressions (unless it's about swimming)

He doesn't care about swimming time, records and winning

He has a set routine

"I only swim free."

Is often seen providing support by sitting quietly beside people // or engaging in a conversation with his back turned to the group.

Tendency to give entities human feelings ("Maybe the water hates him" // "I thought I should ask water about matter that involves the water.")

Appears blunt but cares deeply (asks outright if people are okay /// "we're not going to discuss it (about something another character finds uncomfortable)" // gives things freely to children)

Straightforward

Takes his promises very seriously

"He's actually looking at the camera for once."

"Knowing Haru he probably doesn’t want to talk to anyone right now."

Trying to understand his feelings through thinking // struggling to name feelings

He never uses his phone // doesn’t bring it with him // "Haru usually doesn’t carry his phone around with him."

He remembers small things about his friends and then gifts really meaningful gifts

When he knows how he feels he shares his feelings openly and without shame (and with an abundance of eye contact used to drive home his sincerity)

He notices people when they're sad // really perceptive // notices differences in behaviour (pattern recognision)

"You're supposed to smile for pictures." // "Haru is always smiling on the inside."

My man does not care about social norms (is always ready for a dip, no matter where he has to strip).

"I don't care about winning," (i love this boy)

"You're too easily impressed, Haru-chan." (Once again, I love him)

As kids Haru sometimes wouldn’t talk, and instead Mokoto would "translate" how he felt (i almost cried 😭)

"You're so cold," (i hate this)

He litterally just went to Australia because Rin asked him to without knowing the language + without doing any planning just trusting Rin– and then felt panicked when he thought Rin left him (... I once went to Italy with a girl because she said she wanted to and I didn’t get that it was meant to be a joke... until we were already in Italy and she told me she it was a joke but she was glad I took it seriously. She planned everything and I just followed along because I trusted her. Rin also said he didn’t expect Haru to agree, so yeah. I don't know)

"It was my first fight (with him)" (relatable dude)

"Hey, c'mon. You could look a little happier... But I guess that reaction is typical Haru." (Seeing someone for the first time in a long time)

"That’s really impressive," Haru says. "Hey," someone else says. "You're supposed to laugh at that!" (Once again, relatable dude. I don't get the joke either)

"What did you talk about?" *Haru answers truthfully* *the other person makes noises of disbelief*

I love him

#free! haru #free! anime #free! iwatobi swim club #free!#free! eternal summer #actually autistic #autism #autistic things #autism awareness #autistic adult #autistic coded character #autism coded #nanase haruka #i literally #just finished #watching the show #now i'll watch the movies #but first I'll go out into the rain to bring home some icecream #wish me luck

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morgana-ren · 5 months

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I wonder how Ascended Astarion would be towards an asexual Tav? Like Tav has always treated him like their best friend before he ascended, and they also often took care of him (platonic love). Would ascended Astarion try to make them his consort or would other roles be on the table? Like a secretary just to keep Tav close to him — even if they want nothing to do with him at that point.

Truthfully, I'm sure other roles would probably be preferable if that's the case.

I mean, you could go real dark with it and say that he'd try to force them into the role of consort, but that implies a previously existing desire for them that's overwhelming enough to try and jam them into a role where they just don't fit while simultaneously knowing it never will due to who they are as a person. If they're more beneficial as a friend to him, then he'd likely want to keep it that way-- so long as they continued to benefit him as a friend. Once it's no longer beneficial, I feel like Astarion would move on with his life, and 'encourage' Tav to do the same as well. As quietly and noninvasively as possible. Forcing them to be his consort implies that he desires a romantic and sexual connection with them, but if Tav is asexual, that's never going to happen. Especially if Tav is good aligned. It's just a fever dream at that point. There's no point in forcing it because even forcing it won't make it happen. There's no previously existing base or feeling he's chasing there like there is with a romanced Tav. It's just making someone do something that makes them extremely uncomfortable and goes against their nature. He can get the same benefits as he did before the ascension by simply being friends with Tav-- and that's where the issues would begin.

He would probably treat them much the same way that he treats the rest of the group: As a partial ally and a potential enemy. The 'romance connection' that persists if you end up with him isn't really there, and it's something a bit more light-hearted and harder to twist, and thus, probably more likely to die in the ascension.

That's not to say he wouldn't still care deeply for them in some capacity and would probably try to avoid starting some sort of issue with them. But that insane sense of ownership and possession that comes with romance territory was never there. A friend is far different than a lover. Some prefer one over the other. Both are fine. But a non-Romanced Astarion seems far more independent than one that falls very in love with said Tav. He seems much more likely to walk away from something that doesn't benefit him any longer than he does to chase it and force it to work, especially in a way that goes against that Tav's nature.

The nature of the two is just... different. With a romanced Tav, the feelings and emotions behind it all are vastly different than a Tav that acts as a best friend. Astarion might heed their advice or refrain from starting fights on their behalf more than he would someone like, say, Karlach or Gale, but ultimately, I just don't know that he's going to go full-on possessive over someone that's just his friend. At least not in the way he does with someone he's fallen deeply in love with. It strikes me as the sort of situation where a Vampire Lord Astarion would view it through the lens of "Why do I need a friend that doesn't benefit me? Why would I try to actively keep a hinderance to my plans in my life?"

Obviously, it's different if you have an evil-aligned Tav that's ready to go gung-ho on the evil shit. Someone who actively encourages him and does what he wants and stokes his worst impulses. They'd probably have a relationship of mutual respect so long as it continued to benefit them both. But a good Tav that actively gets in the way and disapproves of what he does? I don't see that working out.

I think the best that Tav can hope for is him having a deeply set respect for their previous friendship, and even then, I think it might be a bit of a long shot. I don't think Astarion would force them to remain by his side because he isn't technically gaining anything from it if they're railing against him. He's more likely to separate from the situation, and frankly, so is Tav.

Again, you can go very dark with the whole thing and make that a scenario to consider, but just in general, if Astarion had a respectful friendship with Tav, I don't see him trying to force something sexual, especially given his previous situation. Unless he'd craved them for a very long time and finally decided he was selfish enough to persue/force it, I think it would turn into a broken friendship where one side is a selfish prick by nature, and the other is forced to watch someone who has their friend turn into someone they can't respect or stand by any longer.

#morgana and friends #astarion spoilers

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fierceawakening · 11 months

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@notthateither (I think that's your username) I keep meaning to come back to your post on what we agree with and what we don't, and I keep getting distracted by various shiny things. So I'll just say:

Starting off, if you're cool with people transitioning even though you don't understand it and maybe even find it weird or, hell, maybe even a bit scary, then I'm cooler with you than I am with a lot of people. I believe creating the least oppressive world possible involves giving people freedom to make decisions for what we think are bad reasons, so If you're doing that, we're broadly aligned in political terms even if I don't like some of what you believe. (An example for me here? I'm deeply troubled by "I wouldn't have an abortion if my fetus were "normal," but I would if there was evidence of disability." I think that's very, very often going to be influenced by growing up in an ableist society and is rarely going to be about realistic expectations. But a world in which women are forced to carry to term is a more oppressive one than one where they are not, so I cannot stop someone even if I'm 100% certain that is her only reason.)

But as for where our beliefs differ and why, I'd say the core of it is that radical feminism often asserts things about men and/or males (not defining these here although to me they are different; it's not relevant to the point I'm making) are particularly dangerous, threatening, or destructive. I worry that singling out a group of humans and calling them the source of destructiveness is wrongheaded, and in fact the first step on a very long yellow brick road to fascist thinking.

It's not just that I think trans women aren't men, that there's a relevant difference between sex characteristics and social role (though I do indeed think that.)

It's that even if I DID literally see trans women as "males who wish to be women," and this switch as something that people can only sort of do and never manage completely, I still don't see how that's something inherently wrong to want, or that there's something suspicious about people wanting it. It's maybe a little weirder than "I was a stamp collector, but now I want to be a skydiver," but it's that sort of thing. There's nothing inherently untoward about it.

Body modification should be undergone after a great deal of thought. But most humans fly by the seat of their pants a lot, much more than I generally do or generally understand. I used to think it was my job to warn them against this, but... now I don't. People who live high risk, high reward lives are allowed to do so. All that's necessary is that they acknowledge and own the risks they take, and not blame it on other people if those risks are presented to them truthfully and without spin.

(And hell, I'm one of the most cautious, risk averse humans I have ever met, and MY medical-reasons, justified-to-most modifications went wildly wrong. Sometimes stuff really is just life being fucked up and not making sense.)

Why do we have gender? I don't know. I suspect it's a mix of nature and nurture, social factors and vague, difficult to pin down biological ones too. I don't know that I'll ever know for sure.

What I do know is that the oppressive stuff I've seen seems to happen, and really mess people up, when they're demanded to fit into one box and not another. I'm not sure what abolishing gender would mean or would look like, or how we'd make sure we do it justly, but I do know that letting people be is something I can do right here and now, and something I can encourage others to do, and a thing that seems, from the evidence we have, to help most of the time.

Which is why I'm not... well, I'd say why I'm not "gender critical" but it feels very weird to think of myself as not critical of gender when what I mean is the much weaker not sure we should abolish it. So instead of saying why I'm not GC I'll phrase it as "why I'm not a radical feminist."

Fair?

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ghost-proofbaby · 9 months

Note

ghost!!! i am sobbing weeping crying omg twenty four hours is coming to an end and it is so very bittersweet. i found 24hrs on ao3 and stayed up until three am binging it, then immediately went and followed you on tumblr, and ive been keeping track of it ever since. im not very good a tumblr since i only started using the app for fanfic last october, and i am one of those people that sometimes is ashamed of being a fangirl, so it’s almost unbelievable to me that i have a space where no one will know it’s me and i can enjoy whatever i want. im still trying to adjust to that, tell myself that it’s okay to repost fanfics and that this is a safe space. but twenty four hours has helped me with a LOT of that. before i used to kinda be ashamed to go on tumblr, but now i scroll it daily bcs i didn’t want to miss any updates on the fic. i also made the plunge and officially got an ao3 account, after oh about, seven or eight years of reading fan fiction practically non stop. so im getting there, and i just wanted you to know that twenty four hours helped me to get there.

and i think the main reason that twenty four hours has helped me get there is because of the quality of your writing. you write beautifully, intricately, and most of all—truthfully. ive never read an x reader that has felt so real, so fleshed out and most of all, relatable. i would find myself having internal monologue as i read from the ‘reader’s’ perspective and then the next paragraph would, sometimes word for word, have ‘reader’ think what i was thinking. this fic was also so healing, in a way. the way you used literary devices to describe such complicated situations had me often feeling relieved—like i had just let something go. as someone with a lot of baggage right now and who has a hard time believing they could ever be loved, it was at the very least comforting to have my insecurities and my negative qualities forgiven and proven untrue through ‘reader’ if that makes sense.

ik this is sappy as hell but i genuinely feel this way. your writing has moved me in a way that actual published books haven’t done for me in a while. so i just want to thank you for the time, effort, and thought that went into this fic. and secondly, i want to suggest the idea of adapting this into a novel to be published or a screenplay for a movie, in case no one has mentioned that to you or you haven’t thought of it. i really believe you have something good here, and with your talent, i could see you being very successful. this story of these two people—who both have internal wounds inflicted on themselves, each other, or from the past—who then grow more self aware and choose to be honest, even when it’s hard, is such a rare thing to see in literature or any kind of art. and i think the world needs more of that. bcs, like i said, this fic was more than just a fic to me. it touched me deeply. i cried, i laughed, and i reflected my own self. in short, it was a journey in more ways than one.

so thank you—for your art, for ‘reader’, and for eddie. i can’t wait for the epilogue and to read whatever stories you may have planned for the future.

(ps so sorry to have word vomited in your ask box.)

first and foremost — never apologize for word vomit in my ask box. i am always a-okay with that. 🖤

i don’t even know what to say. i have this terrible habit of putting a lot more of myself than i care to admit into both my readers and my ocs, and most of the time, it’s not the good parts. usually, it’s the absolute worst parts of myself. i take all the rot inside, and i throw it into these projections, and i try to justify how someone with those qualities would still be deserving of love. it’s always been a coping mechanism. always. and then i’ve always strived to be a better writer, make my words worth reading, because i know how much of myself i’ve put into it.

to know other people see themselves in reader or eddie or any character i write is both so strangely hopeful but also so saddening, and it just makes me want to give you the biggest hug 🫂

on the note of publishing, i have definitely considered it. it’s just a really scary journey to decide to take. but the day i do decide to take the plunge, whether with this story or any other i’ve written or any entirely new one, you all will be the first to know 🖤🖤🖤

thank you so so much for reading, for letting my writing touch your soul the way it has. i am so honored that this fic has had this type of affect on you. this message genuinely made me cry. i am sending you all the love. <3

#it’s that one poem by suzanne rivecca #‘it has to be perfect. it has to be irreproachable in every way.’#’why?’#’to make up for it. to make up for the fact that it’s me.’#in all seriousness this message made me ugly sob #i’ve got no words #thank u ily

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she-karev · 2 months

Text

The Wingman

Age Rating: 12+

Chapters: Three of Three

Fandom: Grey’s Anatomy

AN: Here’s the final chapter guys, I hope you like the friendship I’m developing between Amber and Jackson and let me be clear for those that are worried there will be NO LOVE TRIANGLE. I want to show that men and women can be friends and nothing more unlike what the show sponsors. The picture above is Amber's club outfit. I thought it gave Clueless vibes which was perfect for the 90's theme bar she and Jackson went to.

Summary: Amber gets answers from Andrew and Jackson.

Words: 2854

I walk down the hall after clocking in my hours at the clinic. It’s a little before 5 and thankfully stitching up people has lessened my stress after my talk with Jackson. I thought I was out of the woods when I considered the possibility that it was a slip of the tongue. But then Avery had to ruin it by suggesting my previous fear, that he meant it.

It feels like every fiber in my being is locked up in defense in preparation for after that ‘I love you’. It’s been about 10 hours since that last call and I am flinching every time my ringer goes off. I keep telling myself it was a slip but the evil voice in my head is telling me it wasn’t and I freak out all over again. If I wasn’t doing my breathing exercises, I would be having a panic attack and look more insane.

Three months isn’t long enough time to tell someone you love them. I know I’m not an expert in this but I know enough that it is way too soon for that and Andrew should know that. He should know we’re not at the place yet hell I don’t even know if I can get to that place on my own. I’ve never said it to anyone except for my brothers so it’s a big deal. It’s a big thing and it puts me out there for hurt and disappointment if this goes sideways and I have had enough hurt and disappointment in my life. As if he can sense my distress my phone rings and I inhale deeply at the sight of Andrew’s name on the screen. I need to rip this off like a band aid so I go inside a storage closet alone and close the door.

I take a deep breath and answer putting the phone to my ear, “Hey.” I start off with a casual greeting.

“Hey.” I can tell Andrew is trying the same as well, “So when we said goodbye earlier, I think something slipped out before I hung up, did you by any chance hear it?”

I clear my throat, “I think you and I both know I did.”

“Right.” Andrew says knowingly, “Look I’ve been up for about 24 hours. I’ve been on the phone with aunts, uncles, cousins, everyone who wants to know how the surgery is going and at the end of the call I say I love you. I mean they’re my family and I know it’s sappy but we say I love you because we care and when I said it to you it was an instinct after doing it about 25 times. You could’ve been the pizza guy and I would tell you I love you.” I close my eyes, look up at the ceiling and mouth ‘thank you’ to a higher power, “Hello? Are you still there?”

“Yeah, I’m here.” I lean against the wall much more calm when my suspicion was confirmed and my fear is put to bed, “I kind of thought that was the case because I mean if it was real it would be…” I struggle to find the words.

“Creepy?” Andrew asks amused, “Horrifying? Make you want to move to Canada and change your name?”

“Yeah, all of those things cover it.” We chuckle, “Well I’m glad we could clear the air and allow me to breathe it in.”

“I freaked you out huh?”

“Oh big time.” I tell him truthfully, “I was worried there was gonna be a proposal by the time you get back.”

“Oh god no.” Andrew enunciates, “No you don’t have to worry about me rushing things too fast. I mean my parents also had a horrible divorce and it left scars in me too trust me.”

“I’m glad to hear that.” I wince at what I made it sound, “No that’s not what I meant I just meant I’m glad we’re both in the same place and same pace. I’m glad that you get it, it’s uh…it’s refreshing.” I mean that genuinely because I’ve never had someone who shares my reservations.

“Yeah, it really is.” I can hear him grinning at that tone, “I mean I’ve never had a girl be so cool about this and not freak out over where this is going. I like that about you.”

I smile at that, “Well I like that you like that about me. Most guys have been put off by my mellow attitude and take the role of the clingy girlfriend I’m expected to play. And then there are the guys that think I’m friends with them to get in their pants instead of just being friends.” I groan at that reminder, “Let me ask you, do I give off a slutty demeanor?”

Andrew is silent for a moment and I think I caught him off guard, “Is this a serious question? Do I lose points for this?”

“I like sex with men, I admit that, you know that. Despite that I am smart, I practice safe sex, I ask questions before going home with a stranger. And I do not I repeat not make a move on my boss after a night drinking and friendly conversation that he misinterprets. Do I just scream ‘I want you’ vibes all the time? Men and women can’t be friends now? Just friends?”

“I’m guessing something happened to make you unload on me?” Andrew sees through it even from another country.

“Yeah. Long story short I hung out with Avery the other night, I just wanted to buy him a drink to show my appreciation for not getting me fired. I even helped him get random girl’s numbers around the bar. We had a good time, we had conversations about movies and everything else I did with my guy friends. I thought he and I were friends, that’s it but instead I got accused of wanting to get in his pants when I came to him for advice. Egotistical jackass.”

“Okay as mad as I am for you right now I kind of have to ask how you approached him and what you asked before he said that very offensive thing.”

I sigh and recollect my memory, “I told Alex to leave us alone and I asked him…” I groan in realization as I hold the phone to my ear.

“What did you ask?” Andrew asks me with a knowing tone.

“I asked him what is the shortest time in realizing you love someone.” I pinch the bridge of my nose, “I will give him this it was not the best opening line for me to start with. Still, he could have asked before accusing me.”

“Yeah, that’s his own fault.” Andrew agrees, “But maybe you both can admit what you did wrong and go back to being just friends. I mean look he’s a good guy, he’s loyal and fun, he’s just…”

I grin and finish, “An idiot?”

“I’m not agreeing nor disagreeing with you calling our respective boss an idiot.” I shake my head and him playing neutral, “But hypothetically if I was working somewhere else I would say yes.”

“Yeah.” I grin wider, “He did what my idiot brother would have done.”

“Which one?”

“They’re both idiots take your pick.” We chuckle at my insult and I realize I need to go, “I gotta get back out there, let me know when you get on a plane.”

“I will, I’m counting the minutes till I see you again.” I smile at his sincerity.

“Me too. Bring me back a t shirt, you can guess my body size.”

“Oh I know your body.” Andrew tells me breathy causing me to inhale as lust takes over, “All I have to do is imagine my hands on it.”

“Okay you are being mean right now.” I tell him out of breath, “Call me when you’re alone at 2 am in my time zone. I’ll be up late depending on what my plans are, I’ll get back to you on it bye.”

“Bye. Don’t worry I’m not gonna end this with an I love you.”

“I appreciate it I’ll talk to you later.” I hang up on him this time feeling more relaxed than the last call.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jackson packs his stuff in the attendings lounge getting ready to leave with only Maggie in the room. He suspects after the cafeteria that Amber would never want to hang out with him again, not that he can blame her. He chastises himself for listening to his mother and ignoring Alex’s advice. Now not only did he lose his wingman he also hurt a girl he actually liked hanging out with.

The door opens and Amber walks in looking fabulous. She’s wearing a yellow checkered cape blazer with yellow checkered shorts to match. Her black lace bralette is slightly showing on the opening of the blazer with a gold necklace to compliment her long neck. Her makeup is done especially pretty with her lips painted red and her eyeliner making her blue eyes stand out. Her long blonde hair is down with loose waves. And finally, she’s wearing black closed-toed heels making her taller than usual. Maggie and Jackson both look at her stunned after spending the day with her in scrubs and a ponytail.

Maggie whistles, “Damn girl you look hot.”

Amber chuckles, “Yeah, I do don’t I? I wanted to sport the Cher look for tonight, it’s a 90’s theme.”

“Alicia Silverstone would eat her heart out, just don’t let Alex see you he’ll lock you up. Where are you going anyway?”

“Well, I decided to show mercy on a idiot friend of mine who makes poor assumptions.” Jackson winces and nods in agreement, “I realized I am also partly at fault and shouldn’t let a miscommunication get in the way of a fun night with a friend.”

Jackson’s eyes soften at that, “Well I’m sure he’s very sorry and would love to express his apologies with many drinks. No strings, no rewards just a friendly apology.”

Maggie sees what’s happening and asks one thing, “Do Alex and DeLuca need to be worried?”

Both of them say in unison, “No.”

“Then have fun.” Maggie tells them cheerfully, “But not too much fun. I’ll see you both tomorrow, bye.” They say bye as Maggie leaves the room and they both face each other alone.

“I’m sorry for thinking the worst of you.” Jackson starts, “I had my mother’s voice in my head and I panicked because I thought I was headed for a fall here and needed to back up. But it wasn’t fair to you as my friend and you don’t have to go out with me tonight if your still mad, I’ll get it.”

Amber inhales and exhales, “I should’ve started with a more specific opening in the cafeteria. I inadvertently led you to believe that this was something more for me and that led you to freak out. We’re both at fault here and we both suck at communication.” Jackson laughs at that and Amber smiles, “Yeah and you were right by the way it was a slip of the tongue. DeLuca told me and we both agreed the pace we’re going is good and there’s no need to rush thank god.”

“I’m glad you were able to clear up that mess. It shows your communication skills are growing.”

Amber nods before working into another issue, “Look I didn’t mean to make it sound like you did what you did to look for a reward I just…I just don’t know why you would do that for me. We don’t know each other, we never talked before that day so I’m stumped on why you would go to great lengths to defend me and save my job. Why did you do it?”

Jackson rubs the back of his neck and sits in a chair, “…About 7 years ago there was a shooting here in the hospital. I was there when it happened and I mean right there in the middle of all that chaos. I lost two of my friends that day because of that maniac and I had nightmares about it for months.” Amber crosses her arms as she listens attentively, “And then like some sick joke there was a shooting at a college campus a few months after that. I was in the O.R. assisting with a shooting victim or what we thought was a shooting victim…it was the shooter. I couldn’t help save a guy like the guy who killed my friends so I walked out. I walked out and helped out with the overflow with Karev. He wasn’t mad that the shooter was taking up O.R. space, if anything he was sympathetic telling me the shooter was sick. It was that moment he told me that his brother snapped and tried to kill his little sister and that’s why he wasn’t mad.” Amber looks at him surprised that he knew before anyone else, “And about a week after that I couldn’t help but worry how that kid sister of his was gonna be after what happened to her. I knew what it was like to be a victim of a psychotic episode and I was a mess after. I was a mess and I was a grown man, for a kid to go through that…I wondered what I could do to mend that if I had the chance. I saw that chance when Jennings was ready to fire you. I saw how hard you have worked to overcome that pain and you shouldn’t be punished for surviving it as best as you could. I made that clear to him as well as my intention to help you bring him down if he bothered you with this again.” Amber stands there still processing, “You think that your past is something holding you back but it’s not, it made you a freaking warrior. I see that even if you can’t.” Amber looks at him blankly with an unknown expression that he interprets as sadness and he speaks fast, “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to upset you I just-”

Amber suddenly moves and gives him a hug. Jackson is completely shocked from his chair and takes a moment before carefully putting his arm over her back to hug her back registering she’s sniffling indicating she’s crying. He keeps his arm still so that he doesn’t ruin the moment until she backs away to stop hugging. He sees that she’s wiping a stray tear.

“You better not have ruined my eye liner.” Amber tells him flatly causing him to chuckle lightly, “Thank you I just…thank you.”

Jackson can see it’s hard for her to be vulnerable to him in that moment and simply replied, “Your welcome.” He stands up, “Shall we?”

Amber raises an eyebrow and looks up at him suspiciously, “Just as friends?”

Jackson chuckles, “Don’t worry I want to go through life with at least one female friend I didn’t sleep with and I think you’ll help with that.”

Amber looks relieved, “Good so we’re on the same page finally.”

“Yeah, you don’t have to worry about anything from me I wouldn’t dream of it. It’s not that I wouldn’t it’s just…you’re a fetus.” Amber chuckles at that, “I mean you could’ve been my fetus.”

“Mmm I don’t think I’m that young.”

Jackson raises an eyebrow, “It’s weird I thought you were gonna say I’m not that old.”

Amber cackles at that, “Oh no!”

“Your horrible.” Jackson rolls his eyes at Amber who walks toward the door before saying something.

“You don’t have to worry about me coming on to you, I mean your cute it’s just…” Amber thinks of an explanation, “You were with my brother since he was a second year. Your both the same age, you’ve known each other for years, sleeping with you would be like sleeping with him.”

Jackson nods full heartedly, “Yeah exactly and your his sister I mean sleeping with you would be like sleeping with my little sister. I’ve never had one but I know that’s what it would feel like. I’m really glad we’re on the same page and that we can be friends.”

“Absolutely totally agree.” Amber says with a grin and walks to the door before adding, “ Besides I prefer my men manly.”

Jackson is taken back by that as Amber opens the door, “Am I not manly?” He asks her offended.

Amber purses her lips and turns to look at him amused, “You need my help to get women to sleep with you. DeLuca got me in bed all on his own even after he almost broke my nose and spilled coffee all over me.” Jackson raises an eyebrow at that story, “Are we gonna stand here and talk about how my boyfriend picked me up or do you want me to help you pick up women?”

“Let’s get out of here while the night is young.” Jackson says quickly and they both leave the room for another night of a friend helping a friend.

#greys anatomy #amber karev #alex karev #jo wilson #jackson avery #andrew deluca #elizabeth gillies #liz gillies #giacomo gianniotti #mine #headcanon

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eglectic · 1 year

Text

So I lost about 5 lbs since this month started, but I keep over-desiring food and here’s something I learned: I have a lot of practice unconsciously thinking MANY various thoughts that create lots of desire.

Stuff like “I just love the texture” or “X has a chokehold over me” (like fries or sweets), or “I’m obsessed with x” or “I just want something sweet right now.” All that creates the result of ~200 lbs, which is what I weigh right now.

I noticed all these thoughts at work yesterday because it was slow and I was really bored and trying not to use my phone. I wrote them all down during some free time. And I plugged them into the model to see how they create the emotions of desire, which drives me to actions like buying and eating more food than I planned, which leads me to weigh more than what I want to weigh.

Truthfully, I find it SO FASCINATING. There’s definitely a lot more I’m investigating because a lot of my eating is shame based, too. But yeah, when I wrote all those down I was like “Wow, no wonder I’m craving sweets and fries! These thoughts are extremely well rehearsed and they feel so believable!” As if I’m stating facts.

In reality, “I just love the texture” isn’t a fact. Macadamia nuts exist — that’s a fact. They have a certain texture — that’s a fact. My thought about it is “I love that” which creates desire in my brain, and THAT leads me to buy and eat it. The macadamias don’t just magically jump into my mouth. For some people they’re not enjoyable at all.

What I’m practicing now with all these unconscious thoughts I’ve uncovered is adding modifiers. For example, “I want something sweet right now is a thought I get to think” or “I often think sweet potato fries have me in a chokehold, but that might not be true.” Another example, “I keep thinking I’m obsessed with food.”

Basically I’m gently neutralizing these deeply ingrained thoughts by reminding myself that that’s all they are — thoughts. They are just some of the sentences in my brain.

I’m doing this gently because I want to keep it believable for myself. If I start swinging in the opposite extreme direction, I won’t actually believe the new thoughts I want to practice, which won’t generate the emotions I need to create the results I want. If I tell myself, “I hate the texture of macadamia nuts” I’ll probably feel conflicted or uncomfortable or guilty even, because I don’t believe that. I’m going to keep neutralizing though until I can believe that I don’t care about the texture of any food, and I eat only for fuel, and food is the least interesting part of my day because I have so many bigger and more exciting things to focus my mental and creative energy on.

I hope this makes sense and helps someone in their fitness/health journey. You don’t have to believe the thoughts that create desire!

#me #fitness journey #fitness #weight loss #food journal #food diary #selfie #beach #pro tip #mental health #desire

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altik-0 · 1 year

Text

The space between "they" and "she"

Another year, another long gap between personal updates, lol.

Last report was:

🏳️‍⚧️

same name for now

they/them

^ subject to change

Current status report:

Still 🏳️‍⚧️

new name (not sharing publicly though, sorry)

she/they

^ still subject to change

But this is just the matter-of-fact, Reader's Digest version of things. There's a lot more weight behind this, and I'd like to talk about it.

There was a very long time where I described my gender as "anxiety." At first this was a joke -- "haha, yeah, my gender is <pick mental health problem from checklist>" -- but it quickly became clear that this was a very apt description of my reality. Nearly every waking moment I spent thinking about gender, and how it intersected with my lived experience. How did I feel? How DIDN'T I feel? Was it real, or was I faking it? Was I actually trans?

I went into therapy thinking that finding an answer to that final question was what I needed to do. I sort of understood that it was the wrong question -- nobody could tell me the answer to it other than myself, after all. But with how much doubt and worry filled my mind, it's hard to blame myself for feeling that I needed help figuring it out.

Over time, the work that ended up actually helping me was confronting the anxiety. Slowly dipping my toes into new things, and allowing myself to feel the stress of the new thing that felt overwhelming. Allow my circle of comfort to slowly stretch and expand until these new experiences were no longer terrifying, and I could explore them without the fear overwhelming any other feeling.

And that was hard work. Gender is a wide, all-encompassing thing. I quickly found that despite how considerate and progressive I considered myself, the reality was that I never truly confronted the realities of gender, even in a very basic way. It took time, there was really no way around it.

When I last came to this blog to share my truth, I was still mid-process. Truthfully, I still am. I'm not convinced that transition is something that ever truly ends. However, I am definitely farther along than I was, which makes it much easier to say out loud what I always really felt: I'm a trans woman, and I want people to know that.

I set my pronouns to "she/they" where the option is available, because I want to project my transness to others. I tell people I use either pronoun, and am pretty insistent that either is okay when they ask if I have a preference. "What's important is that I'm not a man," I will tell them.

In my heart, I have a preference. There's a flutter of recognition that genuinely makes me feel a little more me every time I hear a "she" come from people I'm speaking with. "They" does not bring this same joy. I'm not sure how I'll feel if someone actually takes me up on the "feel free to use whatever neopronouns for me if you feel they fit" offer, haha.

However, that preference doesn't reflect how I see myself. I have a friend who describes herself as "a trans woman, but not a woman" -- not because she does not consider trans women to be women, but because she specifically doesn't see herself as one. I deeply resonate with this idea. I've seen many trans women talk about how they wish they had been born a cis woman. I, on the other hand, feel fairly confident that had been AFAB, I would have ended up being trans masculine instead. Being transgender is a critical part of my identity, and I WANT it to be.

Still, I'm not finished growing, and still don't live as loudly open as I think I'd like. I'm in a comfortable spot where I can at least reasonably well pass right now, and in the white Utahn suburbs, there is a critical sense of safety that comes from that. I'm hoping to push myself a bit harder as time goes on, and knowing the spicy political fire burning in my heart, it will only be a matter of time.

#personal stuff #trans #transfem #nonbinary #gender is fuckin weird y'all

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secretly-of-course · 1 year

Note

Huntlow for the ask game 💚💛

Heyyyy @jealous-kippen I'm gonna answer the second half of your ask along with this one!

When I started shipping them: When Any Sport In A Storm aired at first I wasn't sure how I felt about them but then I stared at a gifset of them interlocking hands when Willow was falling during the flyer derby game and it fundamentally altered something in my brain. I'm not even exaggerating.

My thoughts: They're just SO GOOD okay! It's about 🤌 the narrative parallels. The "half a witch" thing especially drives me up a wall. And they are SO protective and supportive of each other! Honestly who doesn't love a battle couple? Yet they are both huge freaking nerds? I love them more than I could ever put into words.

What makes me happy about them: They care very deeply about each other, from the very beginning of their friendship, it's just really nice to see. And they are very easy to imagine AMVs to when I listen to music especially ABBA 😎

What makes me sad about them: I'm sad that there wasn't time to really show us the slow burn romance between them. Alas, there's always fic to help fill in the gaps.

Things done in fanfic that annoys me: Okay sooooo my personal pet peeve is when people describe Willow's eyes as emeralds because THEY ARE NOT! They are PERIDOTS! I even snuck it into that fic I wrote a couple months ago and half the comments were just people amused by the fact that I included it BUT I'M RIGHT *cries in jewelry maker*

My bigger thing that honestly I hesitate to post because it's very common and I don't want anyone to take personal offense, but I don't like in grimwalker confession fics when they make Hunter say to her "I'm not real" because like? that's not even his issue? Hunter is upset about being a copy of someone who helped Belos! a witch hunter! someone who (as far as he knows) could be just as evil as Belos! His fear is that he is "supposed to be" exactly like that as well, or worse that he already is exactly like that. Truthfully I don't even think Hunter would consider himself to be unreal. Given how much he loves Flapjack and obviously views his palisman as real, he wouldn't turn around and consider himself unreal just because he is made of wood the same way Flapjack is. It just doesn't make sense to me given what we know about Hunter as a character but it's really prevalent in fics.

Things I look for in fanfic: I love some good crush confessions, fluff, hurt and comfort, slow burns, and scenes missing from canon. I like AUs too but I prefer AUs that they are still on the Boiling Isles and have magic.

My wishlist: BEGGING FOR CANON CONFIRMATION. If we don't see then actually get together on screen, my greatest hope is that the series ends with a time skip and we see them already together dancing at Raine and Eda's wedding

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: Eh... I like Willuz but not enough that I'd want them to be endgame. So for Willow, I'd like her to be with anyone who makes her happy, maybe one of the hexside kids cheering for her in Wing It Like Witches, or someone from a different school. Hunter on the other hand I'm sorry but I literally don't see him catching feelings for anyone else ever okay Willow is his one and only lol

My happily ever after for them: After a lot of pining and slow burn they finally admit their feelings for each other and can be happy together (wouldn't it be nice if Hunter got to be a good and happy boy?) and they grow up and get married and Hunter takes Willow's last name and her dads adore him :)

Thank you both for asking :)

Send me a fandom/character/ship ask game

#fairytales-and-folklore #bonk 🔨#ask games #i wanted to do this last night but i got too sleepy

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mxckiemxn · 2 years

Text

Infectious-Chapter 6. Dramatic

Warnings: swearing, mentions of sexual themes

Word Count: 2,233

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“Ok so tell me everything!” Jimin exclaimed through the phone.

“Well hello to you too.” You said with a laugh.

“Y/N, I’m being serious! You always tell me everything.” He whined.

“I know, babe. It just literally happened today. I needed time to process everything.” You told him truthfully.

“I understand.”

“Thank you-“ you began as you prepared to explain everything that happened. “Ok so basically Yoongi came over to apologize right?”

“Right.”

“And so he did just that and we talked about how we need to communicate with each other better and he ended up confessing to me and telling me that he loved me more than a friend and I confessed to him too.”

“That’s so cute! Yoongi hyung has a hard time expressing his emotions, so I’m surprised he actually told you.” He said excitedly.

“I know. I was surprised too. He actually told me that he promised someone he’d confess to me, and I honestly thought it was you until I saw your messages.” You said with a laugh.

“Oh, I’ve been telling hyung to confess to you for a while now, but it wasn’t me who told him this time.”

“Wait…you knew?”

“Of course, Y/N! That’s why I didn’t want you to tell him about Jake. I knew he’d be upset, but I guess it’s a good thing that you did.”

“Yeah, I guess so. I just wonder who told him he needed to confess.” You said as you began thinking deeply.

“Well it definitely wasn’t Tae.” He said with a laugh, causing you to join him.

“No definitely not…I don’t see Kookie getting involved either.”

“Nah he’s too awkward for that.” He said.

There was a brief pause as you both tried to think about who it might be.

“Maybe it was Jin?” You suggested, but Jimin quickly shut that thought down.

“Jin honestly couldn’t care less about your love life, Y/N. He loves you, but he’s not nosey like that.” He said and you nodded, even though he couldn’t see you.

“Ok so then that leaves either Hobi or Joon.” You declared.

There was a moment of silence on either end while you both tried to determine which of the two could’ve convinced Yoongi to confess to you. You mentally began cursing yourself as you remembered a specific conversation between one of the boys.

“Holy fuck, Jimin! It was Joonie!” You exclaimed as you jumped out of bed, suddenly feeling way too energetic to stay still.

“What? How do you know?” He asked, confusion laced through his tone.

“I just remembered that I sent a series of snapchats to Joon while I was drunk, explaining that I was literally in love with one of his best friends and I eventually told him that it was Yoongi.” You rambled.

“Wait, so you basically drunkenly confessed your feelings for Yoongi to Namjoon?” He asked with a laugh.

“Yes! God, I don’t know how I could’ve forgotten…it was literally so embarrassing, Jimin.” You dramatically fell to your knees with your head in your hands.

“Then I think that Yoongi might’ve confessed to Namjoon as well, cause he would never meddle with your relationship like that.”

“Holy fuck this all makes sense now!”

“It really does…hold on, Tae’s asking to join.” He said.

“Please say no, Jimin. I don’t want to speak to him right now.” You admitted as you rolled your eyes and allowed yourself to lay on the floor.

“You can’t stay mad at him forever, Y/N.” He said with a pseudo stern tone.

“I’m not mad at him. I’m just frustrated…instead of trying to talk to me about what happened, he drags you into it and makes it seem like something that it’s not.” You expressed.

Tae had a habit of being a bit dramatic, everyone knew it, but sometimes he took it a little too far and he’s proven that today.

“I understand. Maybe he just wasn’t thinking. He wouldn’t do anything to intentionally hurt you, Y/N.”

“I know. I just don’t want to talk to him right now. I’ll see if he wants to hangout tomorrow.” You reasoned.

“Ok, babe. Listen, I’m going to text him. He won’t stop blowing up my phone.” He laughed.

“I think I’m going to go to bed. It’s been a long day.” You yawned.

“Call me tomorrow. I love you, wifey.” He said.

“I will. Goodnight, hubby. I love you.” You said before hanging up.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~The Next Morning~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You woke up to the sound of your phone ringing. Groaning, you cursed yourself for not turning your ringer off. Eyes still closed, you rolled over and blindly searched for your phone to pick it up.

“Hello?” You greeted sleepily.

“Good morning, love. Did I wake you up?” The voice on the other end caused you to wake up immediately.

“Good morning, Yoongi! I was just getting up anyways.” You lied as you began scrambling to get out of bed.

“I see-“ he laughed deeply, causing your heart rate to quicken. “I was just wondering if you wanted to go out for breakfast? The guys want to meet up at a restaurant and requested that you tag along.”

“I’d love to!” You said, sounding a bit too enthusiastic.

“Great! Can I pick you up in half an hour?” He questioned.

“Sounds good, Yoongi. I’ll be ready.”

“I’ll see you soon, baby.” His deep voice paired with the pet name he gave you was enough to make your cheeks red.

Sure, he’s called you things like “baby” and “love” before, but now they feel a bit more personal than they did prior to his confession.

You quickly ran to get showered and changed before deciding to do some light makeup. You gave yourself one final look over before subconsciously giving a slight nod of approval.

Not even five minutes later, Yoongi was texting you to let you know that he was outside. You grabbed your bag and your keys before heading out.

The drive to the restaurant passed rather quickly. You and Yoongi spent your time laughing together and singing to some of the songs that were on his playlist. It never truly felt like you had enough time with him.

You both walked into the restaurant, quickly finding the rest of the boys due to their loud nature.

“Y/N! We’re happy you could make it!” Hoseok said enthusiastically as you and Yoongi took your seats within the booths.

“I’m happy you guys invited me.” You smiled as you searched the table for the friend that you’ve borderline ignored since last night.

“Hey, Y/N.” Taehyung smiled weakly at you as you met his gaze.

You gave him a small smile back, not missing the way Yoongi slightly stiffened as you interacted with Tae.

Everyone ordered their meals and you all sat, chatting, while you waited for your food.

“So, I have to ask-“ Hobi began, causing everyone to look in his direction. “Are you two like a thing now?” He asked, pointing his finger in yours and Yoongi’s direction.

You held back a laugh as Namjoon not so subtly kicked him from under the table, causing Hobi to jump back.

“What? I was just asking!” He defended with his hand over his chest.

“It’s complicated-“ you began, before being cut off.

“We’re getting to know each other.” Yoongi explained, smiling in your direction as he placed his hand on top of yours from under the table and gave it a small squeeze.

“You guys already know each other though.” Hobi replied innocently, warranting another kick from Namjoon. This time however, you couldn’t contain your laugh as Hobi’s eyes grew wide.

He looked as if he was going through the five stages of grief as he looked around the table, mentally connecting the dots.

“Wait…did all of you know except for me?” He asked with a high pitched tone, causing everyone to break into laughter.

“I mean, it’s not really a secret that they’ve had a thing for each other for a while.” Jin spoke in between laughs.

You felt your cheeks heat up as you turned to Yoongi, meeting his soft gaze.

“I knew that Yoongi hyung liked Y/N but I thought it was one sided.” He admitted causing everyone, including yourself, laugh even harder.

“I’m a good actress.” You shrugged.

“Wow!” He smiled widely.

A few minutes later, everyone’s laughter died down after the food was delivered to the table. You all ate together and had random conversations before deciding to part ways for the day.

You all said your goodbyes and you and Yoongi began walking back to his car. You stopped in your tracks as you heard someone call your name.

“Y/N!” You turned to see Tae jogging towards you.

You met him halfway, leaving Yoongi who was standing by the passenger door, waiting to open it for you.

“I just wanted to say I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have reacted the way that I did and I shouldn’t have dragged Jimin into it. I understand if you’re mad at me.” He said as he breathed heavily.

You quickly pulled him into a tight hug, slightly rocking side to side as you let out a sigh.

“I could never be mad at you, Tae. I was just annoyed. I forgive you though. I know you never meant any harm.” You told him as you pulled away, resting your hands on his arms.

“Thank you, Y/N. I was so worried that you hated me.” He admitted. You laughed lightly and rolled your eyes at his dramatic nature.

“You’re my best friend. I could never hate you.” You comforted as you smiled at him.

He nodded as he directed his attention to Yoongi who stood a couple feet away from you two. You followed his gaze and caught Yoongi’s eyes. He was standing completely still by his car, watching the whole thing take place.

You turned back to Tae and squeezed his arms gently before pulling away.

“I’ll call you later, Tae.” You said before making your way to Yoongi.

“Ready?” He asked and you nodded as he opened the door for you.

You buckled yourself in and watched Yoongi as he made his way to the drivers side.

“Where to now?” You asked him.

“Wherever you want to go, love.” He replied as he looked at you briefly before started the car.

“Hmm-“ you began as you tapped your chin. “We can watch a movie at your place?” You suggested.

You felt your cheeks heat up as Yoongi leaned over and placed a quick, but gentle, kiss on your lips. He pulled away with a smirk before turning back to the road.

“Sounds good, baby.”

Yoongi drove you both to his house, keeping his hand on your thigh throughout the whole drive. Sure, you’ve both engaged in platonic intimacy before, but this is something completely different. You couldn’t help but wonder what he’d be like in a relationship. I mean, if he was already this touchy during the talking stage what would he be like with his actual girlfriend?

After arriving to his house, you both walked in and you were instantly greeted by Holly as he began jumping up excitedly.

“Hey, baby!” You cooed as you picked him up and carried him to the couch with you.

You sat down with him, but he quickly jumped down and ran for one of his toys, causing you to giggle at his cuteness.

“What do you wanna watch?” Yoongi asked as he plopped down beside you, placing an arm around your shoulder.

“Literally anything.” You said, turning to face him.

“Cool. So we can watch one of your movies?” He teased as he began scrolling through Netflix.

“Absolutely not!” You squealed before snatching the remote from his hands, causing him to laugh.

You browsed through the mixture of recommended movies and shows, diligently avoiding the ones that your face would make an appearance in.

“How about this one?” You turned to face him.

It was a horror movie about demon possession. Yoongi cringed lightly at your suggestion. He wasn’t that big on horror movies but would always watch them with you knowing your love for them.

“Whatever you want, Y/N.” He sighed as he laid his head on the back of the couch, pretending to be asleep.

“Hey! Yoongi!” You began poking at him. Gasping dramatically as he let out a loud snore.

“Dude, wake up!” You laughed and began tickling him, barely getting a reaction.

You rolled your eyes as you cuddled up to him and allowed your head to rest directly beside his, staring at him obnoxiously.

“What are we?” You whispered, finally causing him to laugh.

“A couple of besties.” He joked, turning towards you.

You pretended to be offended as you jumped back, resting your hands on your chest.

“Oh my god, Yoongi. Do you make out with all of your friends?” You asked in a shocked tone as he rolled his eyes.

He shook his head before quickly pulling you so that you were straddling him. You felt your heart rate speed up as he smirked at you.

“Sometimes.” He whispered before pulling you into an unexpected kiss.

You allowed your fingers to tangle themselves within his wavy locks as he pulled you closer into him, deepening the kiss.

“I love you.” He whispered as he pulled away slightly. Forehead resting against your own.

“I love you too, Yoongi.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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spiritofwhitefire · 2 years

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I saw you talking about how you really feel like you relate to Jinx and I just wanted to ask, how do you see yourself as similar to her? What specifically do you relate to?

So I've put a lot of thought into this Ask and truthfully I think the more salient answer to this is not how we are similar, but how we are different.

I have been very lucky to have the support system that I have. My father may not be perfect (far fucking from it) but what I will say is that there are a lot of parents who when faced with the kind of mental and physical issues I was having in High School, would have simply washed their hands with me and he didn’t, he stayed and he supported me in every way he knew how, even when I got kicked out of school multiple times, so that is something I very much will never forget.

More importantly though, I have a group of very close friends who have seen me at my worst and never left and never stopped loving me and they really are family to me, like Sophie is basically my sister, I don’t know what I did to get so lucky with her.

So now back to Jinx. I think one very important mistake people usually make in their analyses of her is to fall into the fallacy that Jinx and Powder are two different people. They aren’t, and the show does a great job of making it clear from the beginning that they aren’t. Powder is a very timid and emotionally unstable little girl who has a deep need for love and acceptance and who is not surrounded by very many people who she can rely on. Vander does his best but at no point do we get the sense that he is someone who Powder is particularly close with. Mylo and Claggor get a lot flack from the fandom and it is undeserved but Claggor barely interacts with Powder and Mylo bullies her. The only one she really has is Vi.

It was that one person, that one person who loved her and supported her and believed in her that really allowed Powder to hold it together and then at the age of what 10? She experiences an extreme trauma that leaves her more isolated than before.

And look, personally I think it is clear that Silco loved Jinx and that she loved him too, he was her father, but that doesn’t make him a good father and that doesn’t make him the support she needed. Love is easy, love is essentially something totally out of our control but what we choose to do with that love and how we show it, that takes effort. It takes effort to actually care for someone, and Silco was really not equipped to be a capable parent, especially not a capable parent to a little girl with horrible trauma and mental illness.

Of course we know from Vi’s perspective that she still loves Jinx but once again, unfortunately that is not enough. Because she doesn’t accept her, she doesn’t understand her and I am not at all criticizing Vi, Vi is like 22, which is very young and has spent ten years in fucking jail, learning to understand and accept your sister becoming someone so different and so deeply violent is a lot lol. But still by the end of episode 9, with Silco dead, Jinx is really more isolated than ever. She truly has no one to lean on, nothing to counteract her grief, I see her bombing of the council as a primal scream of rage and loss and loneliness. I think even if she had known that they were going to grant independence to Zaun she would have done the same thing. What does she care about that now that her father is dead?

See because here is the problem with people looking to fictional characters as representative of themselves exactly because that is impossible. In fiction, the characters serve as themselves but also as a storytelling tool (duh) they have to move the plot, and prop up the theme and serve the metaphor and if that means that the character becomes unrealistic or unfairly flagellated well tough shit, because that is what is necessary to make a good STORY!

So while Jinx on the one hand is a horribly traumatized and mentally ill young woman, in service of the story, she is also a metaphor for the way that Piltover’s dominance over the Undercity molds its citizens into monsters. Piltover is essentially a parasitic city. Which is strange because the way topsiders see it, it is Zaun that is parasitic. Piltover’s existence is predicated on denying Zaun any form of that progress they insist on upholding, they kill Zaunites constantly, they poison them with their factories and their industries and they essentially keep them enslaved in the mines and in those factories, constantly living in poverty and most of the time also denied access to their academic institutions (It strikes me that Viktor and Sky were massive exceptions). This is why the people of the Undercity go to the lengths they do, entrusting themselves to the Chem barons, to gangs, to drug dealers. To really anything that will give them a lick of that power that they are denied. Piltover is convinced that the people of Zaun are monsters, but if they are, it is because they were forced to be. And all of this is personified by Jinx who is a genius and an artist and clearly a very loving person but who has been so twisted by loss and trauma that she has become something incredibly destructive.

I was very destructive when I was younger too though more self destructive than anything (which Jinx clearly also is), and when I was a kid I was put in therapy, I was given medication, all those supports that exist in our world for people who struggle. I don’t think Zaun or Pitlover even has mental health support. But even in our world there are plenty of people who are denied proper support and the fact that I am an essentially middle class white woman definitely makes my situation a lot easier. There are so many factors wherein if there was even a slight difference, I really could have ended up as a much more destructive and unstable individual. So really I would say that the only difference between me and Jinx would be our support systems. She is totally alone, I’m lucky enough not to be

#arcane #jinx arcane #personal #arcane meta #sort of?

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pansyfemme · 1 year

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i love that post about your parents. i'm not "straight passing" either. the concept of "straight passing privilege" is so insidious... like sorry but actively hiding my bisexuality is not a privilege! privilege is EASY. it's something handed to you. you're not supposed to fight to maintain it. bisexuals forced to suppress themselves and deny their self expression and censor themselves to appear straight is a difficult burden to bear. how can people say that's a privilege? great post, makes me emotional every time it crosses my dash.

ive been typing and retyping a response since i got this ask but genuinly thank you, i always love to hear that ppl enjoy the subject of my posts. at the time i was just. really frustrated with a lot of the rhetoric i was hearing about bisexuality, in particular like. on tiktok from other queer kids my age. To me, it never rlly made sense the idea of inherit privlage from being bisexual, bc like. when i ask my dad about it, who is 62 now and has known he was bi since he was a teenager, he tells me very honestly about his expereinces. experiences i feel so deeply connected to myself, even as someone who's not bi. Growing up with adult queer role models, i ended up feeling a lot more connected with expereinces that aren't identical to my own than i think a lot of other kids do. I relate a lot to, for example, my dad's story about the first time he danced with a guy. He was in colllege in boston, a punk band that i still listen to with him to this day were playing an impromptu show in a dining hall. My dad didn;t want to dance, but the guy who asked him was cute, and he didn't know how to explain that yes, he would like to hang out but not dance in a few words- so they danced. even as someone with a very small list of romantic experiences, someone who wasn't able to expereince boyhood until after puberty, and even just being someone who lives in a signifigantly different time and social climate- i still stick with that story, i still relate to it. Something i really hate about the online culture in queerness these days is this idea of total seperation of identity. I do, truthfully believe that yes, there should be spaces for different identites to dicuss only amongst themselves- god knows that every time i see a place for only trans ppl i jump at the oppritunity- but i also think that allowing yourself to dicuss amongst ppl with differing experiences is equally as valuable. ive noticed that a lot of other young gay trans men like me, especially on other socials like tiktok have this like. weird idea in their heads that they CANNOT and WILL NOT relate to anyone who is or is even attracted to women. and its like. i mean, most of these guys r freshly out and really afraid of being labeled as a woman but i think its a good example of how limiting that kind of cross identiy conversation because you believe that no one else can possibly understand ever leads to a really warped idea of how things work- and in this case, straight up homophobic and misogynistic. sorry to go on a tangent there but thats one of my biggest examples i can think of rn..

Like. in short, idenitiy is a blur. gay experiences can be trans experiences can be bi experiences can be lesbian expereinces,.. etc. i don't feel comfortable saying that bi people have an inherit privilage when theres infinate reasons that could or could not make that true for that particular person. It's simply not accounting for the wide variety of bisexual experiences out there. 'Straightpassing' as a term has always bothered me because of its non-specificity. straightpassing as like, cispassing? in that way, i would say that any couple who appears to be straight to the average person is straightpassing, which can, in fact include same gender relationships, since gender and sexuality can't be accuratly assessed by looks alone. but i know saying that, someone will be like, nonono, only m/f relationships can be straightpassing, in which i ask, okay. so is it really straightpassing, or can we just say m/f relationship. can we just say that, bc like. using the term straightpassing about every m/f relationship makes another assumption- that the parties involved in the relationship are both presenting in ways that are typically seen as gender conforming amongst other things. yeah, there are abolutly couples involving bi people that, without the bi person being out, will never be seen as anything other than a cisgender heterosexual relationship- but saying that bisexuals as a whole have some emcompasing privlage because of the possiblity of being in one type of relationship out of the infinate kinds they could be in is kinda. misinformative.

the idea that a bi person is treated better than a gay person is so far from universally true that i really don't get the argument. yes, there are people who it matters to greatly that someone is bi rather than gay, those people exist. but i can also say, that for a lot of homophobic people, when a man is attracted to men for example, the issue isn't really is if he's also attracted to women- its that inital attraction to men that is the bigger issue. there are people who prefer bi people over gay people, yes. there are a lot of different types of homophobia out there. i just, really really don't think its as simplified as people think.

if anyone tries to claim to me ever that something about a queer identity is always true and definined.. im gonna doubt it. it's just not that easy to say that every bi person experiences things this way or every lesbian experiences things that way.. its just not true. queerness is almost always part of an intersection of idenity- its not really fair to say something is inherinitly true when the labels of queer idenity aren't even rigidly defined. a lot of people belive that bi has a strict and unchanging defintion- and a lot of those strict and unchanging definitions are different from eachother. the language exists as a way to connect common ideas- the term was created because there was a need for it. it doesn't however, need people to see it exactly the same way for people to make sense of it for themselves. i think the term 'umbrella term' is a good one, but i'd argue that most terms work in a similar way- they emcompass a variety of experiences. sometimes, even people who share the same "strict" definition unknowingly have major differences in how they interpret it- the term and the language is not advanced to the point where we can read eachothers minds and 'prove' that we are queer enough. i think it's just like. cool man, like its cool to be able to share experiences, to have community with eachother.

im glad you liked my post, it was sweet of you to say hi. well wishes

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