Tumpik
#jung yoonoh
miragewitch · 5 months
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JAEHYUN FIC RECS
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(M) stands for NSFW
total fics: 62
updated:  28th November 2022
note: credits go to the authors!!
Oneshot
Domaine de la Romanée - by @heartau​  | (M) fluff, angst, rich kid au | warning: infidelity | 41.2k words
all these years - by @domjaehyun​ | (M) fluff, angst, college au, neighbors au, childhood friends-to-lovers | 34.5k words
His Love in Her Force - by @anashins​ | (M) fluff, small town au, undercover detective!Jaehyun x ballerina!reader, fake marriage | 28k words
Broken Mirrors - by @neovisioned​ | (M) fluff, angst, college au, cursed!Jaehyun | 25k words
A Lover’s Fate - by @loeycity​ | (M) CEO au, CEO!Jaehyun, enemies to lovers, arranged marriage | 24.7k words
You’re the one - by @jaehyunnie77​ | (M) fluff, angst, college au, enemies to ewb (enemies with benefits) to fwb to lovers, soulmates,  | warning: mentions of car accident and death | 23.9k words
Promised - by @doiebunny​ | (M) childhood friends to enemies to lovers, arranged marriage | 20.9k words
no guidance - by @yutaholic​ | (M) | 19.8k words
runway - by @wincore​ | fluff, angst, model!jaehyun x fashion designer!reader, enemies to lovers | 18.7k words
ordinary people - by @ppangjae​ | fluff, angst, CEO!Jaehyun, friends to lovers, fake dating | 18.3k words
winter bird - by @yutaholic​ | (M) fluff, angst, exes | 17.3k words
all I wanted - by @yutaholic​ | (M) | 16.9k words
checkmate - by @doiebunny​ | (M) secret agent au, enemies to friends with benefits | 16.8k words
sun&moon - by @ppangjae​ | fluff, angst, CEO!Jaehyun, enemies to lovers, fake dating | 14.6k words
Team Captain - by @smileysuh​ | (M) crack, frat!Jaehyun | 14.2k words
Sleep Well, Princess - by @anashins​ | (M) fluff, angst, big brother’s best friend | 12.5k words
I Like Me Better (When I’m With You) - by @tyonfs​ | (M) fluff, crack, college au, sports au, friends with benefits, friends to enemies to lovers | 11.8k words
the more you know, the harder you fall - by @j0hnj4e​ | enemies to lovers | 10.8k words
Waiting Game - by @suhglow​ | (M) fluff, angst | warning: infidelity | 10.3k words
push&pull - by @baobaojng​ | (M) fluff, angst, idol au, established relationship | 10.1k words
Spending the Night - by @i-am-regular-scenarios​ | (M) | 9.3k words
Dive - by @yougotthatbilly​ | (M) frat!Jaehyun | 9.2k words
Tease - by @whereisten​ | (M) fluff, angst, idol!jaehyun x photographer!reader | 8.2k words
Young - by @ithinkilikeit-reactions​  | (M) best friend’s little sister | 8k words
Reaching Out - by @thenctaddict​ | fluff, angst, CEO!Jaehyun | 7.9k words
first times- by @moonctzeny​ | (M) fluff, angst, CEO!Jaehyun, childhood friends | 6.5k words
Love Talk - by @markresonates​ | (M) fluff (minor), angst (minor), new roomate!Jaehyun | 6.4k words
hot girl bummer - by @domjaehyun​ | (M) | warning: dubcon | 6.2k words
one of us - by @taurusjaehyun​ | (M) frat boy & fboy!Jaehyun | 5.9k words
adult swim - by @markresonates​ | (M) angst (minor), lifeguard!Jaehyun x camgirl fem!reader | 5.8k words
make a mess out of you - by @domjaehyun​ | (M) | 5.8k words
cookies n’ cream! - by @guanana​ | (M) fluff, crack (minor), established relationship | 5.3k words
Of Course I am Jealous - by @i-am-regular-scenarios​ | (M) | 5k words
holy fuck - by @haikuun​ | (M) dilf!jaehyun x pastor’s daughter!reader | 4.8k words
redamancy - by @minghaoss-archive​​ | (M) angst, prince!jaehyun | 4.7k words
Dalliance in Drudgery - by @caiuscassiuss​ | (M) fluff, angst, CEO!Jaehyun x secretary!reader | 4.6k words
Call Boy - by @caliboyjaeffrey​ | (M) | 4.2k words
The Charming - by @notnctu​ | (M) fluff, college au, housemate au | 4.1k words
kiss me - by @taurusjaehyun​ | (M) fluff, bf!Jaehyun, college au | 3.9k words
be mine - by @cozyjae​ | fluff, single dad!Jaehyun | 3.7k words
Brother’s Best Friend - by @suhsexual​ | (M) angst (minor) | 3.6k words
Arranged - by @smileysuh​ | (M) angst, mafia au, mafia!Jaehyun, arranged marriage | 3.5k words
We’ll be alright - by @yoursinfulurges​ | fluff, angst | 3.4k words
Sleep Well? - by @starryhyuck​ | (M) incubus!Jaehyun | 2.9k words
Make a Wish - by @jeongvision​ | (M) fluff, bf!Jaehyun, established relationship | 2.9k words
Boss - by @maknaesdancersrappers​ | (M) | 2.7k words
under wraps - by @starryhyuck​ | (M) dilf!Jaehyun | 2.3k words
Better than Me - by @neochan​​ | (M) sugar daddy!jaehyun x sugar baby!reader | 2.2k words
Wheel of Fortune - by @h2yeri​ | college au | 2k words
Dangerous Game - by @starryhyuck​ | (M) dilf!Jaehyun | 1.9k words
Teach her a lesson - by @starryhyuck​ | (M) CEO!Jaehyun | 1.8k words
Series
Ethereal & Aurora - by @celestialmark​​ | fluff, angst | 45.7k words
healing - by @nctream​​ | part 1, part 2, part 3  part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7, part 8, part 9 | (M) CEO au, single dad au | completed | 32.6k words
when Icarus falls - by @baobaojng​ | part 1, part 2, part 3 | fluff, angst, college athlete au | completed | 32.1k words
Our Kids Talk about Us - by @anashins​ | part 1, part 2 | (M) fluff, angst, single parents au | completed | 20k words
sugar - by @lattaeyongs​​ | part 1, part 2 | (M) fluff, angst, ceo/single dad!jaehyun x secretary!reader, friends to lovers | ongoing, active | 18k words
under your skin - by @neoculturetravesty​ | part 1, part 2, part 3 | (M) fluff | completed | 17.6k words
I’m Not the Only One - by @theje0ngs​ | part 1, part 2, part 3 (alternate ending) | (M) angst, marriage au, cheating au, non-idol au | warning: driving under influence, infidelity | completed | 17.1k words
Seven Letters - by @ppangjae​ | part 1, part 2 | fluff, angst, soulmates, childhood friends to lovers, fake dating | completed | 16.7k words
Paradiso - by @caiuscassiuss​ | part 1, part 2 | (M) fluff | warning: infidelity | completed | 16.4k words
Repetition - by @doycngs​ | part 1, part 2 | (M) college au, established relationship | completed | 10k words
Nevermind, Let’s Break Up  - by @ppangjae​ | part 1, part 2 | fluff, angst | ongoing, inactive | 6.5k words
2K notes · View notes
haikuun · 10 months
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babygirl | n.yt + j.jh
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“i'd never thought that i'd be associated with one of the richest men in the world and one of the smartest men in south korea.”
SYNOPSIS; moving into a new campus, you expect new people, new surroundings, new things to learn about, and new things to experience. but never in a million years would you see yourself in a predicament wherein you're in a fling with professor, Nakamoto Yuta, and a very wealthy man named, Jung Jaehyun.
PAIRINGS; prof!yuta & ceo!jaehyun x fem!reader
GENRE; smut , college au
INCLUDES; age gap (10 & 12 years) , two-timing , time leaps , fem & male receiving , degradation , public sex , fingering , unprotected sex , creampie , squirting , choking , angry sex , spanking , bulge kink , tiny overstimulation , orgasm denial , dom!yuta , dom!jaehyun , sub!reader
WORD COUNT; 13,088 words (so sorry about that)
TAGLIST; @mark-wife-renjun-whore @jjhmk @the-universe-in-you-jjh @queenrachelpink @jensdior @bellamendoza @moonwalkun @ryu-naa @ariiiistaff @neoculturetingz @adorejaehyn @hazukyo @wthzoe @nctevia @got-sum-badhabits @osamudizzy @fukuz4wa @dreamycomets @kyngaji @imtotallydef @pckeia @chitaphrrrr @jaemsslut4 @allisonistrashh @yixingtion @wannabeursugarbaby @rbf-aceu @jisooapproved @chai-n-ice @iheartsan @jccv @502spidey @mariaelizabeth21-blog1 @nctloml​ @nctsgram​ @luv4cheol​ @freshtaledonut​ | CAN’T TAG; @lighttomydark @sjytify @weepingdestinystarlight @roohnyk @luminousannie @gsknikki / thank you all so so much for wanting to be apart of this list !! it truly warms my heart ^^ 
AUTHOR'S NOTE; another fic that involves jae bc i can never get over him ;—; wrote this as i was making “holy fuck”. idk having sex w ur prof is kinda hot—will never do it but, rlly hot :// n e ways, lmk what you think!!!~ & enjoy ♡
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WHO KNEW THAT ONE OF THE WEALTHIEST MAN IN THE WORLD, JUNG JAEHYUN, WAS LURKING AROUND A UNIVERSITY WHEREIN ONE OF THE TOP PROFESSOR OF SOUTH KOREA, NAKAMOTO YUTA, WAS TEACHING AT.
But who can blame him? In this campus, it's like he has some sort of cloak that hides his true identity from the people around him. He can grab a cup of coffee, sit around all day, and walk the very streets of this campus without a single person acknowledging him. Just like what they're doing right now.
Jaehyun and Yuta walk together side by side, an espresso in his hand while a briefcase in Yuta's. Jaehyun may not be known as a wealthy guy, but he is known as an incredibly handsome guy who hangs around a lot with Yuta. People will even doubt you if you said he's 30.
Speaking about “you”, you only found out this piece of information through your best friend, Haerin, whom you met from high school. She's been studying here since her freshman years and knows all the ins and outs of this campus.
After being granted a scholarship, you move here with the intention of having a better curriculum to learn and earning an allowance the school has promised. Nervous is an understatement to describe what you felt before entering the campus; but knowing at least one person in the crowd gave you a slim amount of familiarity.
It was the first day of the second semester when Haerin toured you around the campus; and frankly it was also the day you encountered the hottest males in the campus. They weren't students—but professors. Well at least one of them was.
The four of you cross paths coincidentally and Haerin was trying her best to hold her squeal. The gentlemen were conversing when they went by. You didn't really understand what they were talking about nor had the business to care. But what you did care about was their appearances.
They earned that title for a reason. Unfortunately you didn't get a good look at the two of them. You had a quick glimpse of one of them and the other one you had no picture of. You went on with your day, clinging onto your best friend's arm as she gushes over the men.
Meanwhile, Jaehyun and Yuta chat the morning away. “A new semester ain't it, Yuta?” Jaehyun smiles to himself before sipping on his coffee.
Yuta tosses a brow at the younger. “You mean a new shopping spree for you?” Yuta corrects. “Doyoung told me you had three students move to a new school last semester, what the fuck man? Is your dick limp?”
Jaehyun nudges an elbow at the professor at the mention of his dick. “No, it's just—” Jaehyun lets out a groan as he finds it difficult to formulate his thoughts. “Let's just say they did bad, okay? They were this close—” Jaehyun pinches his index finger and thumb together with the smallest gap between them. “—To ruin my reputation.”
“Of course they did,” Yuta drawls lazily, stultified with his friend's reasoning.
“Where's Doyoung by the way? I need to tell him to find me a new sugar baby.” Jaehyun looked around for the missing man but was nowhere in the vicinity.
“He probably got his face stuffed with work again or multiple complaints from parents who demand a higher grade for their children.” Yuta says plainly, eyes focused in front of them.
“Well, if you see him relay the message, got it?” Jaehyun points at the male and stares at him expectantly.
“Okay, okay...” Yuta says dismissively, the fact that he couldn't care less was evident in his tone but Jaehyun still thanks him.
As if it was his remedy to his boredom, his phone rang. “Also known as an excuse to ditch this sorry ass excuse of a man,” Yuta thought to himself.
His hope for a remedy plummets to the ground the moment he laid eyes on the caller ID. “Principal Cha,” Jaehyun reads aloud. Jaehyun inhales a sharp air through his gritted teeth, annoying his friend even more. “Aw, bummer. Well, I better get going then. I don't want to get in between you and your work.” Jaehyun smiles sarcastically after the heavy emphasis on the word “work” before frolicking away from his friend to go to his work.
Yuta could only tch at the man for insults were too late to be summoned. Yuta finally answers the call and greets the caller keenly. “Good morning principal Cha, what's up?”
“Come to my office, now.”
And just like that, Yuta hurried to the principal's office expecting an urgent matter to be discussed with him. Principal Cha is an inexperienced individual in the field of teaching and pricipal-ing. He was under qualified for the job but the higher-ups deemed it reasonable for him to have it. Since Yuta was more knowledgeable than him in every aspect, he became his advisor when it came to these kinds of stuff. The “stuff” being, whether he should fire the said professor or not, if he should change this curriculum or not—basically very important decisions to be made. But alas, it wasn't the case.
“Mr. Nakamoto, I know you're not really lecturing students at the moment but please, we need you. Mr. Park got into an accident and he was supposed to teach Chemistry this semester to sophomores. We're really short on professors as they already have a lot on their plate; and I thought it would be best if you could cover him for this semester.” Principal Cha smiles hesitantly. Worry fuels his system as he sees the confusion in Yuta's face. “D-Don't worry! When he comes back he'll get his paycheck docked and you could go back to—whatever head professors do.”
Yuta swore if Principal Cha wasn't his superior, he would've made his life a living hell. But he wasn't, so Yuta smiled tightly and agreed to his condition. Principal Cha lets out a sigh of relief that he's been holding onto and starts thanking him.
“Thank you Mr. Nakamoto—thank you so much! I swear you wouldn't regret this!”
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It's only been ten minutes and Yuta was already regretting the recent decisions he has made. He took making lesson plans for professors for granted and now he longs for it.
The hallway was bustling with countless boisterous students that never seem to take a break. Peace was never an option during free time and the students would abuse this time to do whatever they please.
It was an entropy and Yuta wanted an end to this. Before he could take action, the bell rings and the hallway slowly drifts into silence as students enter their designated rooms. It was peaceful and breathable again. Yuta didn't have to squeeze through smelly students to get to the lecture hall, instead he took his time and made his way over there.
The moment he opened the door, the students stood up like trained dogs and fell into silence. As much as Yuta misses checking in on other profs, Yuta forgot the power he had over these students.
Yuta flashes a smile and urges the students to take their seats. He settled his briefcase on the desk before he stood in front of said desk. With the support of his hands, Yuta leans on the desk while his hands grab onto it to keep himself from falling. He scans the room with a small smile on his face, as he plans on his next move.
As he stood there, you were in your seat mouth agape at the familiar face in front of you. Even though it was a quick glance, you could notice him from miles away. Now that you're here seeing his entire appearance, you can now put together your own opinion.
He's hot as fuck.
Clapping his hands together, Yuta was able to pull you out of your thoughts and put all of your attention on him. “Hello you rambunctious bunch, I'm Nakamoto Yuta and I'll be your chemistry professor for this block and semester.” Everyone greets him and Yuta simply smiles. “I studied in Oxford and I have a master's degree and a doctorate. If you have questions, ask me—I'd love to get to know each and every one of you but there are over forty people in this room. If you introduce yourselves one by one, we'd need more than an hour to do so. And we only have two hours, so let's make the most of it and dedicate all of it to learning.” The room was mixed with agreements and groans of displeasure that made the smile on his face grow. “Okay, if I call you, just state your name and answer my question, got it?”
After everybody agrees to his terms, Yuta fires up the first lesson. You weren't great at chemistry—in fact it was your least favorite from the lack of enthusiasm whenever your professor from your old university teaches. But Yuta was different. He thought the lesson so fervently that anyone would stay on their toes. Well for you at least.
The snores at the back was indication that indeed only you see it as that but you admire his teaching nonetheless. Somehow he made the lesson easier to digest and understand—it's probably from his overflowing passion or he's just born to be a professor.
Yuta would throw questions from time to time and you would raise your hand to none of them. Yuta was asking questions about a topic you hazily remember your previous professor talked about. But since you weren't exactly paying attention to him, answering these questions were difficult. This time when Yuta hurls a question, nobody raises a hand and coincidentally, you know the answer.
You meekly raise your hand, still adjusting to the new surroundings and people around you. Yuta immediately acknowledges you and nods in your direction. “Yes, you. Please state your name then your answer.”
Right after you stood up, you felt your feet sinking into the ground. Multiple gazes were piercing through you including Yuta's. For some reason, him staring at you made you more bothered. You could sense some sort of intimidating presence coming out of him and his stares and it was difficult for you to construct a sentence. If only you knew.
Every second it took you to think up the right words, was more time for Yuta to admire you. He wasn't piercing through you, he was staring at you with love drunk eyes. Every second you stood was an opportunity to mesmerize you longer. Innocent looking eyes, a small face, and full lips, it's like you're yelling at him to like you.
Once you state your name and answer, Yuta's little observation session has commenced. “Okay, thank you Ms. Y/N for your answer. Now back to the topic.”
Yuta bores away the class with his lesson while you were on your toes and attentively listened to him. The next questions he laid out, you find yourself raising your hands more. Not because you wanted his attention, but because you actually knew the answers to it. Yuta didn't mind calling you three times in a row. It may look suspicious but the other students didn't really give a shit.
What finally felt like an eternity, the lesson has come to an end and the ring of the bell fuels up the drowsy students. As Yuta collects his things, he could see from his peripheral view that you were still there. Yuta looks up to fact check it, and it is true. You were still there, searching for something.
This piques Yuta's interest and he couldn't stop himself from walking over to you. “Is everything alright, Ms. Y/N?”
Your soul jumps out of your skin at the sudden mention of your name. You looked over your shoulder and saw your professor looking over your shoulder to get a glimpse on what you're on about. You flash a smile at him and shake your head dismissively. “Oh, it's nothing. I dropped my pen earlier and I'm just looking for it.”
Yuta could only nod at your statement before he stuffs his hands into his pockets. As you turn your head from side to side, Yuta observes you once again and notices the subtle difference on your uniform. “Oh, you're a scholar?” Yuta points out the logo of the school that had a different colored banner that was different from the other students.
“Oh,” you yourself just noticed this difference and you couldn't help but smile sheepishly. “Y-Yeah, I am.”
Yuta nods once again, poking the inside of his left cheek before remarking, “I actually handle the scholars in this university. I track them, making sure their grades are on point and I also make the decision on who deserves the scholarship or not—on behalf of the school of course.”
You flash a smile at him and give him a quick bow. “Thank you so much for granting me this scholarship. I honestly don't know where I'd be if it wasn't for it.”
Yuta smiles back and tries to cut off the amount of credit that's been put upon him. “No, no. You did well on the test, so you did it. Just make the school proud m'kay? You're a role model student.”
You began the search again after Yuta had no further topics to bring. “Ah, there it is!” You said out of the blue at the sight of your missing possession. You bent down, back facing Yuta and lowered yourself on all fours.
Yuta would be lying if he said he didn't look at your ass—in fact, he stared at it. His tongue swiftly brushes past his bottom lip as he looks at the great view of your ass. Your skirt ended a few inches from covering your actual ass. If you could go low and further, Yuta might've got a glimpse of it.
But when you retrieve your pen and get back up, Yuta quickly averts his eyes from your bottom and fixed his gaze on the ceiling. Once you were standing back in your feet and faced him, Yuta looked back at you with a small smile.
“Go on, skedaddle. You don't want to be late for your next class.” Yuta urges, even helping you clear out your desk.
“Thank you Mr. Nakamoto, I'll see you next time.” You shyly yet hurriedly walk away from the lecture hall. Cheeks tinged with pink after you realize that you were left alone with one of the hottest men in the campus.
Yuta watches you run off and he couldn't help but smile to himself.
“God, I might fuck her.”
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Yuta felt a big wave of relief struck him once the first day of his lecture was over. If only he knew he would lecture three more block sections after yours, he would've never agreed to this.
Yuta slouches in his chair at the teacher's lounge. After a long day of teaching, he still had to do “head professor things”. After skimming through a few pages of the file given to him, he heard his name being called by a familiar voice.
“Yuta!” Yuta looks up from the file and sees Doyoung with more files in his hands.
Yuta couldn't help but groan at the sight of it. He was exhausted and he was adamant that his body couldn't take more. “What's that?” Yuta asks indignantly.
“Well buster, you—and I—are lucky enough to get what they call; ‘professor's assistant’.” Doyoung lazily tosses the files on Yuta's desk before he continues. “They're students who willingly applied for this position a while ago. Principal Cha said you should be the one who can pick first.”
“Professor's Assistant” wasn't a new thing for Yuta. When he was actively teaching, they would insist on him having an assistant but he would always put down the offer. Telling them that he could manage and to give it to someone else. But this time was different, Yuta seems to be more tired than ever and when he saw one of the applicants, he just had to get an assistant
Without even looking at the other ones, Yuta picks up the one file on top of the others. The sight of your one by one photo at the corner of the resume tugs on the edge of his lips and he finds himself giving it to Doyoung.
Doyoung raises a brow at Yuta skeptically. “You sure you don't want to look through the others?”
Yuta plays it cool and slumps down in his seat. “Eh, let's just get it over with. I have more stuff to do.” Yuta said disparagingly, masking the excitement and content within his tone.
Doyoung overlooks his actions and leaves him be. Yuta on the other hand couldn't contain his smile.
“Yeah, I'm gonna fuck her.”
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“Did you really apply for that stupid assistant thingy?” The tone of Haerin's voice was enough to convince that she's dissatisfied with your choice; so you avoid eye contact with her as she throw daggers with her gaze.
You smiled sheepishly and answered meekly, “Y-Yeah.”
Haerin scoffs, hand immediately latching to her forehead as she controls her anger. “You're already getting an allowance from the school—why would you work for them now?!” Her voice turned up an octave and almost attracted the attention of people around you. “I heard the profs are working the students till eight o'clock. Some even say they pass all the work to their assistant. Why would you waste your time and surrender yourself to more work?”
“Well, just like you said; the school's giving me an allowance so I try and help back.” You smile at your friend, finally looking at her. “And besides, a few extra bucks won't hurt.”
Haerin tch. “Yeah, well that few extra bucks will hurt. Let's just hope that your professor would be nice.”
Speak of the devil. “Ms. Y/N, hey!” You snapped your head forward and saw a familiar figure waving at the distance before jogging towards you with a big smile.
Haerin's eyes bulged out of her sockets at the sight of the man—in fact Haerin wasn't the only one gawking at the man coming towards you. You and the other students around you had their eyes glued to the man as if he was an alien that landed here.
“M-Mister Nakamoto,” you stutter at the man stopping in front of you. “What seems to be the problem?” You asked worriedly, adjusting the strap of your bag that was hiked over your shoulder.
“Well, there's only ten minutes left before my first lecture and it seems my assistant isn't here yet, so I thought I'd come to her instead.” The smile on his face was misleading. His eyes seem to be furious and you deem his tone as passive aggressive.
You finally understand what he's trying to say and falter. “O-Oh—I uh... Heh,” you flash a smile awkwardly. “I-I didn't know you were my—the professor I was assisting.”
“Well I am, let's go princess.” Yuta grabs your wrist before he starts dragging you around. You couldn't say your formal goodbye to your best friend, so you simply said “you'll see her later”.
After much dragging around, you find yourself in the teacher's lounge. Before you could even take in your current surroundings, Yuta shoves a pile of paper in your way. “Carry these will you?” You comply and carry the pile that accumulates more and more. “I would carry them myself but what would your purpose be?” Yuta flashes a smile at you after stacking the last pile of paper.
“Come on, let's take these to the lecture hall.” Yuta snaps his fingers a couple of times before he leads the way. The stack was too heavy for you so falling behind was inevitable. Yuta notices you losing your pace but glosses over it as he mumbles to himself. “Short stamina, that's not good—but seems fun.”
Yuta was kind enough to open the door for you when you reached the lecture hall. If he didn't, you swore you'd give him a good beating. After entering the room, you place the papers on the desk as Yuta closes the door behind him. You made a beeline to your previous seat and then realized the gazes that were fixed towards you. It seems like their stares were filled with malice, but you stay optimistic and think of the latter.
As Yuta began lecturing, you can't help but drift back to the stares earlier. You became very conscious and anxious because of it. You were afraid that people would dislike you—and it's only the second day of the second semester.
Yuta's dialogue fades as you begin to be engulfed by your thoughts. You came back to your senses when you saw Yuta starting to hand out the stack of papers you carried. Yuta handed you a stack and gave you a quick wink. You thought you were delusional, head still dazed in your thoughts but it wasn't. It was real—and Yuta did wink at you.
Cheeks flushed, you covered your face with the paper and looked at it hard enough for you to understand its contents. Your mouth falls open when you realize it was a quiz.
“I'll give you,” Yuta fades, glancing at his watch before he continues. “Forty-five minutes to answer it. If you listened to our lecture earlier, that'll be a piece of cake. Ready? You may attempt it, now!”
Fuck. You weren't listening. Your hands crawled up to your hair to give it a strong pull. You were frustrated and annoyed at yourself for not listening to a single word he said.
You placed the sheet on the desk and stared at it like the answers were going to reveal themselves. Ten minutes passed by and you were nowhere near done. The constant shade and erase of the circle became your cycle for the past ten minutes.
Yuta was roaming around the lecture hall to catch the rebellious cheaters but instead you caught his attention. The bewildered expression on your face was bothering him. That look on your face didn't suit you but he can't do anything at the moment to fix it.
Forty-five minutes felt so short, when Yuta announced that there was only three minutes left, you shaded a bunch of random answers that your eyes laid upon and deemed correct.
Yuta collected the papers and you couldn't even look him in the eye. You were disappointed. A scholar—a model student as Yuta would claim. Failed.
The bell rang and you sadly dragged your heavy feet out the hall. As you reached the doorframe, you heard your name being called. “Ms. Y/N...” You turn around to meet the caller, concealing your disappointment with a small smile. “Is it alright if you swing by here later after your last period? I'll need a hand again carrying these quizzes.”
Without dragging the conversation you kept your answer straightforward and curt. “Sure, I'll see you later Mr. Nakamoto.”
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The day ended in a blink of an eye. You trudge down the empty hallways to the lecture room. Every square inch of the hall was wiped clean. No students were to be seen except those professor's assistants like yourself who stride to their own designated routes.
The exhaustion you're feeling today mustered up the idea to start regretting applying for this position. Your mind was fogged with regrets and a dazzle of tiredness.
You lazily open the door with a tired look bearing your face. Just like magic, your face lights up at the sight of your professor grouping the stacks of paper. But it wasn't his actions that got you intrigued, it was his clothing.
You vividly remember him wearing a different set of clothes. Now, he wore a blue satin long sleeves. Point collar adjusted very nicely and the long sleeves were a bit loose. All of that tucked under his black pants. His black hair acted as a cherry on top in his attire. He looks more attractive than usual. Something about him looking like this as he stacked papers made him unbearably desirable.
You swallowed hard, hoping that your lustful thoughts would come with. You gently closed the door behind you and greeted him. “Good afternoon Mr. Nakamoto.” You said in a small voice and Yuta looked over to you with his signature smile.
“Hey—hi, would you mind if you continue this? I haven't checked the other papers here.” Yuta gives light to the stack of papers he's pointing at and you shake your head dismissively.
“Not at all.” As Yuta backs away, you walk over to his desk finishing the work he has started.
“They're separated in different blocks. The block sections are stated on the paper.” You give a quick nod and continue sorting.
Silence falls in the room, while Yuta doesn't seem to mind, you are quietly suffocating by the thick air of awkwardness that roams the room. Clearing your throat, you took the initiative to make small talk. “Mr. Nakamoto, why did you suddenly change your clothes?”
Yuta looks up from the papers, attention now on you. “Oh, I didn't think you'd notice.” Yuta looks down on his attire and chuckles. “Some student ran into me earlier when I had a cup of coffee in hand. I told myself I'd never walk these very halls with a drink but I had no one to ask.” You mutter a quick apology but Yuta refuses to accept it. Insisting that you had no fault. “Why'd you ask? Do you think I'm hotter with my previous outfit?”
Surprised, you felt the heat invade your cheeks like wildfire. The sudden remark caught you off guard and Yuta was very pleased with your reaction. Yuta laughs, “I'm just playing. Let loose, you don't have to be serious around me.”
You tried your best to keep your composure and forced a small smile. You continue to do your assigned task while Yuta continues with his. Silence envelops the room once again but you didn't bother to make conversation. Your mind was still fuzzy with your current exchange with Yuta and you were sure that you'll be thinking about this all night.
The room was filled with white noises like papers rustling and being stacked and the sound of Yuta's pen grazing the surface of the paper. It was like that for a solid few minutes until Yuta breaks.
“Ms. Y/N?” Yuta calls out, immediately fishing out your attention.
“Yes, sir?”
Yuta turns the paper in his hand to you and your jaw falls when you realize it was your paper. “Just skimming through it, you have concerningly a lot of incorrect answers. Would you mind explaining to me why?”
You quickly stare at the floor, as if scavenging it for answers. You couldn't look your professor in the eyes because he was right. This is concerning. “I... My mind was in the gutters when you were lecturing, I'm sorry.” You said meekly before nibbling on your bottom lip like you were chewing away the embarrassment.
Yuta was dissatisfied with your answer. If you saw his face, you could see it written all over it. “What's wrong? Is something bothering you lately?” Yuta pries. It wasn't his place to ask this, but since it was affecting his student's performance, he had the need to know. Well, that will be his answer if you question his prying anyway.
You let out a heavy sigh. You didn't want to tell him—in fact he was the last person you wanted to know but with him putting you on the spot, you had the need to say it.
“I was just really anxious about the way people looked at me earlier when I entered the room with you behind. I was afraid that people wouldn't like me and—”
You were cut off midway through your sentence by Yuta. “You're a people pleaser aren't you?” Yuta lets out a light chuckle before he continues. “Don't be so pessimistic. You're a person that's forced to be reckoned with. If they don't like you, just accept it. You won't be able to please everyone. Just pick one person you really want to please and be happy if you do it successfully.”
You didn't expect to be so grateful for Yuta's advice. It sounded so vague but for some reason it resonates with you. You've been following oddly specific advices your old friends say to do; so it was a nice change to hear a vague advice that gives you the freedom on how to approach it.
“Here's a deal,” Yuta strides towards you. Your heart beats incredibly fast at the sight of him slowly approaching you. Yuta stands in front of you, a small but breathable gap stands in the way of you two. “I'll give you a chance to retake this—as my assistant, of course I want you to get exclusive benefits. But...” Yuta steadily closes the gap between you. You felt your ass hit the table and you had no more room to back away. Yuta leans into your ear, and whispers, “you have to do something for me in exchange...”
The way those words rolled out of his tongue was tantalizing. Your face becomes red as an apple, but it gets redder as Yuta locks eye contact with you. His breath was hitting your lips—lips Yuta had his eyes on since yesterday. Lips that Yuta craves to taste and ponder what it would taste like.
“Y-You won't tell anyone... Right?” You asked hesitantly.
“My lips are sealed.” And with that, Yuta pressed his lips against yours. A minute hasn't even passed when his tongue slipped past your lips. He kissed you hungrily while you simply kissed back in a daze.
Never in a million years would you find yourself sucking the face off of your professor. But we're talking about Nakamoto Yuta. The professor, any woman would die for, just to kiss him. And you were a lucky little lady for him to desire you.
As you kiss, he swiftly lifts you up and settles you on the table. Yuta pulls away from the kiss as he places his hand on your thigh. “Ready for our first private little session?”
You nod keenly, bottom lip tug between your teeth before pressing your thighs together at the wetness you're feeling down on your core. Yuta pries your legs open with one hand. His finger was softly grazing your clothed core and you let out a shaky breath.
“Do you mind turning around for me?” Yuta asks playfully as he traces circles against your still clothed core. It was a peculiar request but you comply anyway.
You feel a sudden wave of embarrassment hit you when you realize you're facing the many vacant seats. Students would sit there, staring at the professor like some zoo animal. And that's what you're feeling right now. With cheeks tainted with embarrassment, you close your legs together but Yuta opens them again.
“What's the matter? Shy?” Yuta whispers seductively behind your ear. You toss your head back and collide with Yuta's chest when you feel him moving your underwear to the side.
Yuta enters a finger in you and you lightly gasp at the sudden intrusion. When Yuta realizes you were taking him well, he slides in another. You bit on your bottom lip, stopping yourself from releasing a loud moan. As he pumps in and out of you at a steady pace, Yuta whispers. “Can you believe it? It's only been the second day and you're already being fingered by your professor.”
For some odd reason, you were immensely turned on by his wording. The thought of it was so slutty but so hot, it caused you to clench around his fingers. Yuta lets out a low groan at the sudden sensation but he smiles anyway, pleased. “Do you like it when I shame you?”
Yuta picks up pace and it leads you to letting out a moan you were holding in. The sudden change of pace took you off guard—Yuta needs an answer. “I love it,” you correct, completely setting your pride aside.
Yuta clicks his tongue and keeps the pace, immensely enjoying the effect he had on you. The sinful sounds of his digits entering in and out you as small and quiet moans coming from you bounces off the walls of the room.
With his empty hand, Yuta raises your knee to open your entrance. Exposing yourself to the imaginary audience. Your moan hits a higher pitch when you feel Yuta's thumb playing with your clit. Pulling his fingers out, Yuta says in a low voice. “Can you imagine if someone walks in on us?” You let out a cry when Yuta started becoming aggressive towards your clit. “I'd lose my job and you'll be known as the girl who Mr. Nakamoto fingered on the desk.”
Out of the blue you let out something you were holding in. You didn't know what it was but it cracked Yuta up. “Did you just squirt? Fuck, you're so dirty babygirl.” Yuta started nibbling on your earlobe, three of his digits entering you this time.
You almost let out a shriek at the unexpected pleasure. You threw your head back again at the feeling of Yuta's thumb rubbing your clit and Yuta's finger rapidly going in and out of you. Yuta releases his grasp on your raised leg and reaches to your covered breast. He playfully squishes it through the fabric, adding more pleasure to the pile.
As Yuta kept this up, your climax was becoming nearer and nearer. “Cum on my fingers babygirl.” Yuta coaxes and those words alone were enough to tip you over the edge. Your walls tighten around his fingers, your release coating every inch of his digits.
You were no virgin, but you had slept with a couple of guys before. All of them were one night stands that occured for the sake of releasing stress. And if you were to rank your previous experiences, Yuta is definitely on top of the list. Not to mention he only used his fingers.
Yuta pulls out and dips his fingers into his mouth. Hungrily tasting you as you watch him from his chest. “Fuck—I could get used to this.” Yuta sucks his fingers clean and moves it out of his mouth with a pop.
“Tidy yourself up Ms. Y/N, we need to carry these to the teacher's lounge.” Yuta detaches himself from you and continues on with the papers that luckily haven't been touched.
You hop off the desk, legs wobbly for a second but you could manage. Before you could carry one of the piled papers, Yuta hands you a familiar sheet of paper. “Take it home, answer it, and give it to me tomorrow morning or else I'll screw you.”
Your cheeks were painted with pink hues after being reminded of your “private session” with Yuta. “O-Okay...”
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Leaving the facility felt like a fever dream. After helping Yuta with carrying the piles of paper, he insisted that you go home and rest. You were tired but at the same time cheerful.
The sun was going down and the remaining light it emitted. The sun was gleaming on your face softly with soft and warm light. The warmth contributed more to your already jolly state. It was evident in your face that you were happy and the smile that was radiating on your face could attract any person in the vicinity.
And it did.
As Jaehyun flirted around with the other girls, he saw you skipping away with a bright smile on your face. After being with pretty girls—Jaehyun thought it would be a nice change of air if he could have a cute sugar baby. Hopefully, that would cure his limp dick.
“Excuse me ladies,” Jaehyun bid his goodbyes before he dashed over to you in a relaxed manner. The sudden emergence of the man startled you, and you immediately took a step back. Jaehyun notices your astound expression and tries his best to ease it off. “Oh, sorry... Didn't mean to scare you.”
Jaehyun uses his signature smile that gets the ladies on their knees for him in an instant. His dimple pokes through his cheek, a very cheeky smile. “If you weren't so god damn cute, I wouldn't rush over here.”
You scoff at the man's words. “Sorry, I'm not really interested.” You push past the man in front of you and continue to leave the school premise. Jaehyun pokes the insides of his cheek with his tongue. He was clearly pissed because of your disinterest towards him, but it was also a nudge for him to pursue you. He wanted you wrapped around his finger and if he has to go to the extremes, he'll do it.
Jaehyun retrieves his phone from his pocket and immediately calls Yuta. “Yo?” Yuta calls out.
“Let’s cancel pool night tonight. I have an urgent matter to attend to.”
You were thanking the heavens that the flirtatious stranger didn't follow you. You were ready to whoop his ass—and by whoop you mean run away and scream maniacally. “What's up with me today?” You ask yourself regarding the current events of this day. Your little session with Yuta and a very beautiful man trying to flirt with you. As much as you pushed the man away in a heartbeat, he was undeniably attractive.
You look up at the building towering over you. The neon lit sign was an indication that the place was open. You push past the door and the smell of liquor welcomes you. People were drowning their problems with alcohol, hoping it would die. If only that's how it works; life would be much easier—and the majority of the population has liver problems.
You didn't know why you'd go to the bar, but somehow your brain made it sense for your body to go here. As much as you want to remember your professor's touches, your mind tells you to buy a drink and forget about it anyways. Your mind was guilt tripping you to the point it even degraded you. You felt ashamed of yourself.
“Two scotch on the rocks,” a voice interjected in your thoughts from beside you. You darted your gaze to the person beside you with low eyes.
Fuck, it's him. You turned your gaze back in front of you before speaking. “I thought you'd let me go, but I have to say, you're persistent.” You earned a low chuckle from him. “What do you want?” You asked bluntly.
“I want you.”
You let out a loud scoff before you started to laugh hysterically. The bartender hands Jaehyun his order and he slides the other one over to you. You murmured a quick "thanks" as you came down from your laugh. “Yeah, right...” You took a sip on the bitter drink, wincing at how strong it tasted.
Jaehyun studies you the whole time with a small smile. His eyes roamed over your body and that's when he noticed the subtle change on your uniform. Yuta and Doyoung mentioned this to him before as a warning to stay away from them for they are scholars. And once Jaehyun leaves them, they'd be forced to leave the university.
But seeing how uninterested you are, he formulates a plan on how you being a scholar would be beneficial to him. However he can never tell Yuta nor Doyoung. “Do you need money?”
Your brows knit together at the unforeseen question he threw at you. What was he on about? And why is he so pressed on having you? You snapped your head towards him, eyes back at him yet again. You caught a glimpse of him looking at your torso before he met your weary eyes.
You glanced at your torso to get an idea of what he was looking at. He couldn't be looking at your breasts, if so why did he ask that? The only possible and only thing he could've seen to ask this question was the university logo. Did he find out you were a scholar? How does he even know that?
Nevertheless, you click your tongue in annoyance. “You’re quite prejudiced, aren't you?” You let out a huff and continue to lash out. “Just because I'm a scholar doesn't mean I'm poor.” You didn't want to admit it but he's right.
He flops his elbow on the table then propped his head on his palm. His eyes crinkle as he smiles, his dimples were showing again but his smile was painted in scorn. “You'd be surprised of how much I can give you—how I can pull you out of that hellhole of yours. And all you have to do is be mine. For a certain amount of time of course.”
Your brows unravel and every bad emotion that built up you felt towards him plunges to the ground. Never did you ever think about getting a sugar daddy to help you with your financial problems. You turned to the hard way and worked your ass off, only to make the tiniest dent to your financial troubles.
Seeing you contemplate it made the smile on Jaehyun's face grow. “H-How much do it get, exactly?” You ask like a lamb to the slaughter. Your sudden submission had Jaehyun grinning. Your pride was lodging in your throat and you swallowed hard to shoo it away, but it wasn't working. You were here to deluge your shame with liquor, not accumulate more shame.
“Name your price, baby.” He remarks, “other than that, I'll give you a credit card that has no limit so you can buy yourself something nice.”
It was an understatement if you said that what he's offering was exorbitant. Your self worth was worth a dime in your eyes, but to him he saw you like a million bucks, and you felt flattered. “W-Why me?” You barely spoke, shame was swallowing you whole. Jaehyun brought his face closer to you. His breath was fanning your lips and your cheeks instinctively flushed.
“You're my favorite.”
A future favorite he thought. You only have to do one more thing before you're officially his.
“There's one more thing before I crown you my sugar baby.” From the pocket inside his coat, Jaehyun brings out a neatly folded piece of paper. As he unfolds it, a scoff slipped past your lips when you noticed it was a contract. “You'll have to sign here—”
“Is this really necessary?” You tossed a brow at the unnamed man. That's rich, you didn't even know his name and now you're applying to be his sugar baby.
“Of course. The terms and conditions are stated here if you want to read it—but I recommend you don't because we'll be here all night if you do so.” Jaehyun coaxes you to just sign it, a mischievous smile planted on his lips. You rolled your eyes and was about to take out a pen to sign with when he stopped you. “Woah, what are you doing?”
“Getting a pen?” You deadpanned.
“Darling, you haven't even passed the test. Just because you're a favorite it means you'll have an auto pass.”
You gaze back at him from your bag. “What's the test?”
Without saying a soul, he grabs your wrist and pulls you to the bar's men's room. You tried to scuffle out of his grasp when you saw the men's sign on the door, but he was too strong. He pulls you into one of the claustrophobic stalls before he pressed your back against the flimsy door.
Hues of red were splashed across cheeks when you realized how close you were to him. He towers over your frame and stares at you with lustful eyes. “I'd let you suck my dick but I'm not even sure if you're worthy of it. So—” He then brought his fingers to your lips, grazing them teasingly before he continued. “—suck my fingers like your life depends on it.” You hesitantly looked up at him. What's with you and fingers today? Jaehyun saw your wary look so he tried to ease it off with a wink. “Don't worry, my hands are clean.”
Sanitation was the least of your problems right now. Your problem was that you never sucked someone off before. And you're afraid that your lack of experience would lead to you losing such an amazing opportunity.
You eagerly took two of his fingers in your mouth and sucked them greedily. This only enticed Jaehyun more and his jaw falling was an indication that you were doing great. His fingertips would brush past your uvula and you would gag every time, doubling the arousal he was feeling.
Jaehyun tugged on his bottom lip every time he felt his digits deep inside your throat. His breath became shallow and he was undoubtedly and immensely aroused. You were going over his expectations and you were starting to truly earn the title of being his favorite.
The taint in his pants didn't go unnoticed. With his current display, you felt brave and proud so you outstretched your hand and reached for his crotch. Jaehyun spots this and at once, he promptly grabs your wrist. He then pulls his fingers out of your mouth as he catches his breath.
“Let's continue this another time,” Jaehyun says in a raspy voice as he wipes his spit coated fingers on his suit. “I underestimated you. Maybe you are worthy of my dick after all.” The familiar hues were back again attached to your cheeks and Jaehyun chuckles.
The two of you left the bathroom like nothing happened and went back to your spot. This time, he lays out the contract on the table and hands you his pen. “Now that you aced the test, the only thing for you to do is sign it.”
You stared at the sheet blankly, still contemplating on whether or not you should sell your body for a financial problem free life. You tried to skim through the contract but with your head processing the pros and cons of this; it made it hard for you to understand.
Finally pushing all of the worries aside, you scribbled your signature on the paper and it was official.
You were his.
Jaehyun smiles contently, tucking the contract back in his pocket. “Looking forward to working with you, Ms. Y/N.” You tremble at the mention of your name. Did you really do the right thing? “I'll hand you everything I promised tomorrow along with a copy of the contract. Now, hand over your number so I can reach you.”
You comply and exchange numbers. Your thumbs halt over the keyboard of your phone when it comes to the I.D. name. “Oh, by the way, I never got your name...”
“It's Jung Jaehyun.” He replies plainly, eyes focused on his phone.
Your eyes widened as if it was about to fall out of it's sockets; shock engulfed your body and you almost dropped your phone. Your mouth agape as realization struck you like thunder.
You're Jung Jaehyun's sugar baby.
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“Can’t believe I had to work on a Saturday.” Yuta vents out as he scowls, holding his cue stick by its shaft.
Jaehyun only hums at him, concentrating as he targets the white cue ball with his cue. Jaehyun strikes the cue ball, it rolls around the table and clashes with the blue 2-ball. The blue ball is now in motion, Jaehyun’s eyes lit up as it approaches closer and closer to the hole. With just inches away, the ball comes to a halt. “Fuck!” Jaehyun yelps, bashing his fist to his side of the rail.
Yuta only laughs at his despair while Jaehyun almost has a meltdown. After pits of his laughter, Yuta decides to rip the condom off and disclose to Jaehyun why they really met up. “I fingered my assistant in a lecture hall.”
Jaehyun snaps his head to Yuta, nearly breaking his own neck. Eyes wide and was clearly bewildered. “A-are you serious?” Jaehyun asks, uncertain by what his friend told him. Yuta only nods, making Jaehyun scoff. Jaehyun then starts chuckling, snickering a few seconds later as he admits, “you know, I never thought I’d see you fuck a student again.”
Yuta snorts before lowering himself and positioning his cue stick to the ball. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
Jaehyun only shrugs, his train of thought not finding the right words at the moment. “Eh, I just thought after being used by students a number of times you’d be done with it.” Jaehyun shares, staring into nothingness as he continues his thought. “Didn’t you say you liked that one student but she—”
Yuta strikes the white ball violently, loud enough to cut Jaehyun off. Jaehyun flinches at the sudden collision before he notices the glare Yuta was emitting. Jaehyun murmurs a quick apology after noticing Yuta was still sensitive about the topic.
As Yuta begins to try and hit the white ball once more (properly this time), Jaehyun explores the riveting trance that opens upon him. Jaehyun thought about revealing his sugar baby. Since Yuta disclosed his relationship with his student, it would be fitting—and best to blow the lid off right now. But of course he’ll be leaving out the fact that you were a scholar. About to open his mouth, Jaehyun hesitated. After seeing the irritated look on Yuta’s face, Jaehyun cowers away for now and decides to tell him later or next time if he’s in a better mode.
Jaehyun huffs, fully convincing himself. “Right… I’ll tell him later.”
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It's been a week since Jaehyun became your sugar daddy. You didn't tell a single soul about this, not even Haerin. Jaehyun didn't tell a soul, and he could never tell Yuta or Doyoung or else he'll have an earful of scolds for mingling with a scholar. But to Jaehyun, you being a scholar added more flavour to your relationship. It had a risk factor and he was required to hide the love affair from the two professors.
But even if they found out, Jaehyun was certain he'll keep you around for a long time. He's just hoping you feel the same way and won't break off the contract.
You vividly remember the first day you became Jaehyun's sugar baby. He gave you a credit card like he promised and even offered you a condo to live in but you immediately refused. It was overwhelming and you weren't fond of living alone in such a spacious area.
He gave you a new phone and a car. The phone you did accept but just like the condo, you refuse to accept the car. You didn't know how to drive and your parents would question your paycheck for giving them a car.
You even remember Yuta calling you from the hallway to help him out with some tasks. As you helped out your professor, you were suddenly reminded of how you can quit being the professor's assistant. You were earning much more money from the allowance Jaehyun gives you, so this side job was pointless.
Yuta was the only one stopping you from turning in your permission to step down from the position.
After he fingered you in front of an empty classroom, ditching him the day after seems like you resigned because of it. You'd be lying if you said you didn't enjoy it.
But at the same time you want to leave him because you're seeing his best friend. His renowned friend that's known for being good-looking all over the campus. You could already see his pained face when he finds out you're seeing Jaehyun.
So you decide to work for Yuta a little longer and when the finals are right around the corner; you can reason out that you quit to focus on your studies. It was a solid plan, and so far, the first week of executing it has been successful.
You avoided Yuta's advances to the point you even avoided the man himself. He finds your current behavior amusing and baffling at the same time. In his mind you were teasing him and playing hard to get. While your plan was undergoing, Yuta plotted a plan of his own.
“Ms. Y/N,” Yuta calls out from his desk in the teacher's lounge. Your head perks up at the mention of your name and you walk towards him right away. “I think I left my phone in one of the lecture rooms. Can you go fetch it for me?”
You blinked at Yuta a couple of times. You stood before him and stared at him blankly. His request was quite difficult, especially the lack of information he shared, so finding his device might take a long time. You nod anyway and went to the last lecture room he taught.
You rummage through every cabinet of the desk, taking your time and a good look at the nooks of it but the cellular device was nowhere to be seen. You let out an exhausted sigh as you rake your hair. You had three more rooms to search and the thought of it was already draining you.
You cast your eyes on the door that just clicked. “Mr. Nakamoto,” you raise a brow at the sight of him entering the room. “Did you find your phone yet?”
You suddenly feel so small and vulnerable when you see his blazing gaze. His eyes were dark, eyes locked with yours as he sauntered towards you. You instinctively back away until the desk stops you from going any further, an oddly similar situation that happened to you before. Before you could scurry away from the approaching man, he grabs your throat. His grasp wasn't too tight, but it was enough for you to have a hard time breathing and feel panic rush into you.
Yuta tilts his head to his side as he pouts. “Why are you avoiding me babygirl?” His fingers pressed your throat a little harder. “Are you being a tease or were you really avoiding me?” His grip only got tighter and tighter. You tried to look him in the eyes to plead but you couldn't. His orbs emit so much anger it was setting your body aflame.
Right at the nick of time, Yuta promptly lets you go. You let out a cough after another, gasping for air after you do so. Before you could even move, Yuta turns you around and shoves down on the table.
You gasp at his quick movements and the sharp pain you felt when your entire figure was bashed onto the table. Yuta brings your skirt up, softly groping your ass before he slaps it. The sound of your ass being slapped engulfs the room along with your whimpers. You bit your bottom lip harshly at every slap that landed on your ass. The stinging pain was intolerable, suppressing a whimper became almost impossible.
“You're such a bad girl aren't you?” This time, Yuta takes a handful of your hair before pulling you back to him. You let out another whimper, tears were stinging your eyes from the pain. “Why were you avoiding me? Why did you keep an unreasonable amount of distance after I fingered you and let you retake the quiz?” Seeing you were being uncooperative, Yuta tugs on your hair once more and earns another whine from you. “Answer me or I'll fuck it out of you.”
“I-I was just playing!” You cry out a lie—a big fat lie. “I was testing you a-and I'm sorry for o-overstepping.” You had no other choice, you had to lie. You had a feeling Yuta would spot you distancing him, and it was about time he realized it.
Yuta chuckles lowly. “That's what I thought.” Yuta let go of your hair then he brought his face near the back of your ear. “Let me punish you little minx and fuck you into your place.”
Your eyes grew at his words and before you know it, Yuta slams his member inside of you, without warning. You cry out his name at the sudden intrusion. Tears surged in your eyes and they trickled down your cheeks. Without even giving you time to adjust, he starts rutting into you.
The sound of your skin slapping against his in such a rapid motion was music to Yuta's ears. His low groans were buried under your loud moans. You didn't care if someone heard you, and it was obvious that Yuta didn't either. In fact he loves the way his name rolls out of your tongue, it sounded heavenly.
You latch onto the desk when you feel Yuta pick up his pace. You buried your head into the table and started moaning louder than usual. The slaps on your ass were back and you found your whimpers entangled with your moans. “Do you like being punished babygirl?”
“Y-Yes,” you choke out. “I-I love it so much.”
When you felt Yuta's thrusts become sloppy, you knew he was close. As bad as it sounds, the thought of Yuta filling you up with his seed aroused you more than thought. “P-Please cum in me sir!” You begged.
You came closer and closer to your climax, and if Yuta came inside you, you'd be reaching it much faster. But he didn't.
Just as you were a few thrusts away from cumming, Yuta pulls out of you and pumps his length in a rapid way. You let out a pained moan and continued to whine when Yuta came on your ass. “W-Why did you pull out? I was so close!”
“Naughty girls, don't get to cum baby.” Yuta lands another slap on your ass one last time. “This is your first lesson; never piss me off.”
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Despite it being a lovely Saturday morning, you wither away the time by being cooped up in your shared apartment. Your roommate Haerin was out and about with a few of her friends, leaving the apartment all to yourself. She asked you to come with—actually she forced you to come but you insisted on spending the day in your bed.
As you lay on your bed, the sun bleeds through your blinds and glisters your face teasing you to get out. Even your phone tags along to the teasing by reporting to you that today's temperature was 27°C and no rain is to be expected today.
You begin to regret sleeping in and wasting such a beautiful day to be outdoors, until Jaehyun called.
Your phone starts blasting your ringtone, making you reach out to its current placement. You took a quick glance at the caller ID before swiping your thumb across the screen and bringing it to your ear. “Hello?”
“Y/N, are you busy?”
“Mm, not really.” You murmur your answer, a bit embarrassed by your current availability on such a nice day.
“Great! Did you look at the sky? The day is practically begging everyone to get out. Let's spend the day together m'kay?” Jaehyun asked expectantly, waiting for your confirmation.
You grin from ear to ear, glad that an opportunity to go outside was offered to you once again. “Okay! What time should we meet and where?”
“No worries, I'll drop by your apartment to pick you up. I'm coming there from work and I'm already on the way. So be ready in fifteen minutes.” Without giving you a chance to reply, Jaehyun hangs up the phone.
With a smile on your face, you kick the sheets off yourself and hop off the bed to doll yourself up.
You didn't realize how short fifteen minutes was. You broke your own record for showering and it surprisingly took you nine minutes. You spent the remaining minutes picking an outfit and applying makeup. After hearing two knocks on the door, that's when you discern how fast fifteen minutes came by.
You hurriedly put on a pair of flats before looking one last time in the mirror. You wore a white summer dress that was patterned with yellow flowers. The dress ended below your knees and the short puffy sleeves it had ended in line with the middle of your chest. With a nice yellow headband and a small white handbag, it added more flare to your fit.
You finally answered the door and was welcomed by an overly dressed Jaehyun. “You're wearing a suit,” you pointed out, even jabbing your index finger at his attire.
Jaehyun laughs it off and even fixes his suit. “I just came out from an unplanned meeting.” He reasons out. “And you're wearing a very lovely dress. Thanks for dressing up for me, doll.” Jaehyun shoots you a wink as his tongue clicks. You were about to give a curt retort when he turned his back and led you to his car. You tch at the rude man and indolently follow him to the vehicle.
Your destination was a mystery. Jaehyun never mentioned where you two were going, and with the music occupying the empty conversation you two had, asking the destination is a bit too late for that.
As silence consumed the entire ride, holes were continuously being burned on you. And the gazes were by none other than Jaehyun. While keeping his eyes on the road, he slips in quick glances at you everytime he has the opportunity to do so. You could never spare him a look. If your eyes met his, you could already imagine the awkwardness you'd be executed for the entire ride. So you focus solely to peer out the window.
When the car finally comes to a halt, you finally look over at Jaehyun who was unbuckling his seatbelt. “Is this our stop?” You ask after looking out the window.
Jaehyun nods. “Yeah, is there a problem?’’
You quickly shook your head and started to unbuckle your own seatbelt. “No, I just think we're not prepared.” You step out of the vehicle and you are greeted by the fresh air of the park.
This said park was notorious for picnics and great views, basically the perfect place to spend such a nice day. Hence why you question Jaehyun if this was your stop. “Well, you're the one unprepared. I am.”
You look over your shoulder once you hear Jaehyun's retort. You spot him taking a standard picnic basket out of his trunk and this immediately tug the edge of your lips into a smile.
Jaehyun walks over to you and stands in front of you with the basket in his hand, holding it proudly as if he's waiting for you to praise him as he basks in his glory. “I guess I was wrong,” you admit and Jaehyun nods in agreement.
“Yes you are. Follow me, I know the perfect spot.” Jaehyun ridicules before he starts trudging to the “perfect spot” and you follow in suit. Luckily it wasn't too far to where you and Jaehyun parked. As you walk to the said spot, Jaehyun had his fingers crossed the entire time. He was hoping that on such a great day, the spot had no one occupying it.
As if the odds were in his favor, indeed there was nobody there.
Jaehyun grins at the sight and dashes towards it before anyone could snag it from his fingertips. You watch the man gleefully set the red and white mat on the grass. It was a sight to see and the spot—as much as you don't want to admit—it was undeniably the perfect spot.
You two would be under the shade of the tree, enjoying the nice cool air and warm sunshine. You finally caught up with Jaehyun and joined him as he lay down on the mat he just set. His eyes flutter close as he basks in the sounds of nature. He felt great. It was so peaceful and no one was there to disturb him.
“Are you having a nice time?” Jaehyun asks, eyes still closed.
You nod, but after realizing he still has his eyes closed, you reply. “I really like it here, it's so nice. How did you know about this spot?”
“I come here very often when everything gets hectic with work.” A content smile dances on Jaehyun's lips as he recalls the many relaxing times he had here.
Silence falls between the two of you, and the sounds of leaves rustling and the wind playing a nic tune swiftly replaces it. You didn't find the silence as awkward, rather you see it as very comfortable.
“Wanna have sex?”
You choked on your own spit. Words couldn't describe how startled you are after hearing that question tumble out of his lips so nonchalantly.
“Is that a no or a hard no?”
“Jaehyun, we're in public! And you're a public figure! Can you imagine the news that would stir up when we get spotted?!”
As if that's what the question he expected you to ask; he sits up and stares down at you, eyes gleaming in excitement. “Right? That's the risk. That's what makes this fun!”
“Jaehyun, no...” you said adamantly, staring him down.
Jaehyun blows a raspberry with his lips like a child before folding his arms across his chest. “You're no fun.” Silence was brought back momentarily until something popped up in Jaehyun's head that got him all jittery.
In swift movements, Jaehyun hovers over you. Pinning both of your hands above your head with one hand. “You should've said yes when I was being gentle.”
“Jae—” Barely voicing out your thoughts, Jaehyun riveted his lips with yours, kissing you fervently. You immediately melt under his lips, the urge to fight back is long gone.
You could feel him smirk against the kiss, delighted that despite being against it you gave in anyway. He lets go of your hands to unbuckle his belt. “Let's do this quick alright? We need to be careful or else we're going to jail for public indecency.” Jaehyun mutters, leaving your lips for a hot minute.
You simply hum in response, excitement coursing through your veins as if it was injected in you. Your heartbeat races when Jaehyun pushes your panties to the side only to push himself inside you.
A soft moan falls over your mouth and your hands instinctively grab onto him. It was the first time you two had sex and since Jaehyun was quite big, the stretch was quite insufferable. “J-Jaehyun,” you could barely form coherent sentences and was just saying his name over and over again.
Jaehyun lets out a shallow moan at the feeling of your pussy clenching around him. “Shit baby... You're so fucking tight.” This time a groan tumbles out of his lips. “F-Fuck.”
Once he completed his expedition to fit all of him inside you; Jaehyun hums softly as he stays still and waits for you to adjust. For the time being, Jaehyun studies your face. Mouth agape—profanities spilling out from time to time and eyes shut tight. Jaehyun couldn't help but chew the bottom of his lip.
You looked gorgeous.
Simply staring at you in this state sent butterflies to his stomach. He couldn't understand why, but he deemed that he's just turned on.
You pull the man out of his thoughts when you lightly tap him. He immediately got back into his senses before he started rutting inside you. To avoid getting caught, Jaehyun muffles your moans by placing a hand over your mouth.
Your eyes impulsively roll back as you feel Jaehyun's cock thrusting deep inside you. With the way he's ramming inside of you, there was no way he wasn't deep. Jaehyun on the other hand, started gnawing on his bottom lip as it came to his attention the imprint of his dick.
As he continues thrusting, Jaehyun could see his member poking your insides. The bulge of his cock on your abdomen appears then disappears as he propels. He's deep deep.
In a matter of seconds, the chord in your stomach combust and without warning you came all over his cock. You convulse around his length and Jaehyun groans; simply feeling himself coated in your essence was enough to tip him off.
Your eyes shot open at the feeling of his hot seed residing in your pussy, even feeling some of it spill out as Jaehyun pulls himself out. You smack his shoulder and Jaehyun whips his head up, looking at you expectantly.
“Did you just cum inside me?!” You stare at him with wide eyes, eyes practically shaking in fear. Before you could entreat another question, Jaehyun abruptly stuffs his finger inside you, pushing back his seed that leaked out inside. You squirm as a shallow moan follows, still sensitive from your recent orgasm.
“Don't worry, I'll buy you a pill later.” Jaehyun assures nonchalantly as his eyes were still darted on your hole, making sure no more of his seed seeps out.
Silence resides between the two of you. Your eyes falter and they finally close, allowing your body to rest after your intercourse. Meanwhile Jaehyun fixes your dress before tidying himself. Out of the blue, Jaehyun asks; “That reminds me, what kind of pet name do you want me to call you?’
Jaehyun casts his gaze on you, eager for an answer. You simply shrug, eyes still close as you respond. “Does it matter? I don't really care nor do I mind anything.”
Your answer flares a mischievous smile on Jaehyun's face. He started listing possible nicknames as he buckled his belt; but none of them seems to please him. “Kitten? I think that's what I called the last one. Cum-pster? Too derogatory. Princess? Eh...”
Jaehyun was silent momentarily as if thinking of a better name. Once he did, he snapped his fingers like the lightbulb above him just lit up.
“Babygirl.”
Your eyes open promptly as if you have awoken from a nightmare. You were suddenly reminded of your professor who also calls you by that nickname. You were restless now, and indeed, this is a nightmare. Guilt was flowing through your system.
You were two-timing your professor with his best friend and vice versa.
“Fuck.”
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A FEW WEEKS LATER
As you start to dash through the door, you abruptly stop on your tracks to call out for your professor. “Mr. Nakamoto, would you like a cup of coffee?” You ask, turning your body to him.
He types something for a moment on his laptop before he pushes his glasses back to the bridge of his nose. Clearly, he's stuffed with work again. You concede defeat over his work, so you decide to text him instead for his response later.
But as you're about to turn around, Yuta stands up and puts on his coat that was draping around his chair. “No worries, I'll tag along.” He finally answers before shutting his laptop. “I need to get out of this place or I'll lose my mind.”
You chuckle softly at his curt joke before you two walk out of the lounge.
The trip to the nearest cafe wasn't long; since it was occupied with chatter and meaningless conversations, you arrived there earlier than you expected.
The two of you went in line and started picking an order. “What will you be having Mr. Nakamoto?” You query, eyes darted on the menu above the counter.
“I'll have a tall espresso,” Yuta points at the drink that was listed on the menu. Yuta fishes out for his wallet and begins digging through his bills.
Once you notice his actions, you stop him by holding his hand in place. Yuta looks up at you with a questioning look. “I'll pay.” You said proudly, tone laced with pride that Yuta immediately picks up.
Yuta scoffs before a chuckle follows. “I don't like being in debt to someone. I can pay for myself.” Yuta still sticks out the bill and urges you to take it.
You shove his hand to his chest, adamant about paying. “I'm not treating because I want something in exchange. I'm treating you because you always treat me well.” You smiled sweetly before turning your back to him, expecting no more response from him.
The edge of his lips lifts up and forms a smirk. Even though you said it in the most innocent way with no double meaning, Yuta thought the latter. He brought his face to your ear and whispered softly, “thank you babygirl. I'll treat you well again next time.”
His voice and tone was enough to make you shudder, but with his hand ghosting to your back; his touch sent goosebumps all over your body. You simply nod, pursing your lips into a thin line. Satisfied with your reactions, Yuta pulls away with a smug look on his face as he stuffs his hands into his pockets.
“Next!” You hear the cashier announce before stepping forward. “Good day ma'am, what will you be having?”
“One tall espresso, a frappuccino, and two slices of strawberry cheesecake.” The cashier taps your order to the cash register; and while she's busy with that, you pull out your wallet.
She states the total amount before you hand over your credit card (that was given by Jaehyun). Yuta watches the whole transaction from behind you, and he can't help but wonder why your credit card looks strikingly familiar.
Deep in his thoughts for an answer, a memory flashes through his mind that showed Jaehyun owning a similar card. “Jae, why do you have so many credit cards?” Yuta asks Jaehyun, fiddling with a credit card he found while scouring Jaehyun's wallet.
Jaehyun glares at the elder from the pool table as he sees him twiddling with one of many cards in his wallet. “That's for my sugar baby I was telling you about, put it back please?”
Yuta shook his head as he snickers, seeing no correlation between your card and Jaehyun. “Hmm, that doesn't make sense.” Yuta murmurs to himself, a hand making its way to his chin.
“Mr. Nakamoto, can you get us a table? I'll be the one to wait for our order.” Yuta blinks at you a couple of times, trying to register what you just said.
“Yeah—sure.” Yuta simply answers before getting out of the line to search for a vacant table.
After scanning around the place, Yuta was able to find an empty seat that wasn't far from the counter. There was no doubt you wouldn't see him. Regarding your credit card, Yuta glosses over it and completely forgets about it while he was in a hunt for a vacant seat.
As he scrolls through his phone, Jaehyun's name flashes on his device. Yuta swiftly swipes his thumb across the screen before bringing it to his ear. “Sup?”
“Dude, where are you?” Jaehyun asks as he stomps out of the teacher's lounge.
“I'm at the cafe near the campus, why?” Yuta could hear Jaehyun sigh at the other end of the phone.
“I wanted to play pool with you. I'm coming over to pick you up.” Jaehyun discloses as he dash out the school building to his car.
“Sure. I'm with my student assistant by the way. Is that alright?”
“They're not coming over to play pool anyway, why are you asking if that's alright? I'll probably order a cup too before we take off.” Without even seeing it, Yuta could hear Jaehyun's confused face.
“Eh, I just think it's rude to leave my assistant hanging.” Yuta declares but Jaehyun simply shrugs.
“I don't give a shit. You deal with that okay?” Before anything more could be said, Jaehyun hangs up. Yuta tch, annoyed with Jaehyun's lack of sympathy.
You, on the other hand, decide to kill time by scrolling through your phone; liking memes, watching short videos, and criticizing your friends’ posts. Without realizing the time that went by, you heard  your name being called by the barista. You take the tray from them and return their smile.
After briefly looking around the place, you see Yuta a few seats away from where you’re standing, hunched over his seat, occupied by his device. You thread quickly yet carefully over to the table, ready to devour the pastries you ordered. Once you place the tray on the table, Yuta looks up from his phone with a smile.
“One tall espresso,” you fade out as you settle the drink next to him. “And a strawberry cheesecake.”
After distributing your orders, you finally take a seat across from him. “Thanks again babygirl,” Yuta beams, shooting a wink at you as he does so.
You glare at him, worried that he was talking too loud and that the others might hear. “Shh, don’t say that so loud.” You chided, earning a soft chuckle from your professor.
The two of you ate in silence with short conversations coming up from here and there. As you bask in the silence, Yuta’s gaze flickers to the door at the cafe as the person who entered captured his attention. Because your attention was at the delicious cake you were eating, you didn’t notice Yuta looking past your shoulder. If only you foresee this, you would’ve been bolting out of this establishment in a heartbeat.
He was only able to draw your attention when he was waving at the person he saw. You toss a brow at him but Yuta didn’t seem to see it. It was too late to turn around when the person he was referring to was in front of your table. You look up at the person idly and once you see him, you feel like you’re being pushed over a cliff.
It was none other than your sugar daddy.
Your eyes bulge out of your sockets, it almost feels like they were draping out of your sockets because of how wide they were. You were taken aback—no you were dumbfounded, and Jaehyun was no doubt feeling the same. Your heart was in your throat as you felt it beat through your system like it was clamouring.
You knew this would happen eventually. You knew this was inevitably going to happen. You took a deep breath and sigh heavily to maintain your calm state and keep your panic at bay. You had your fingers crossed that Jaehyun isn’t stupid and won’t disclose the fact that you two knew each other.
“Y/N?” Yeah, he is stupid.
“Motherfucker…”
2K notes · View notes
taelme · 2 months
Text
enchanted
genre: regency!au (with some tweaks ofc), (not so)enemies-to-lovers!au, viscount!Jaehyun (kind of slowburn, hurt/comfort elements?, angst? mutual pining, reader is an oldest daughter guys)  pairing/s: Jaehyun / Reader (ft Yuta, Johnny & other ocs) 
word count: 23k+ (guys. be fr its me we’re talking abt here)  tw: reader and jh both have a tense rs w their parents? brief mentions of a parent’s death (not reader/jh’s), reader doesn’t exactly look after herself very well, lmk if I missed out on anything! summary: in a world where marriage is nothing more than an economic proposition, and where a person is no more than what they can offer, you and Jaehyun rediscover what it means to be with each other, in the very essence of the word
a/n: this is really funny cause... so far the fics i have for my ‘tswift for the neos’ discourse are all johnjae.... life is like that, i guess. anyway. 3rd installment! this was a LONG time coming and i rly hope u guys enjoy it! took me a while to get back into the rhythm of writing so thank u all for bearing w my radio silence HAHHA this is based off of enchanted and gold rush (and any other easter eggs you find hehe- i’d love to hear if it reminds u of other tswift songs), reblogs are VERY appreciated!! happy reading loveys~  read this on ao3
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You ached for rest. Not the kind that sleep guaranteed, no. This rest you ached for felt much deeper, much further from reach. Much like a stranger you wished to know. 
“Do you remember what we discussed?” 
Each inhale of yours didn’t seem to satisfy the ache in your chest, feeling as though your ribs were caving in, unsure if it was anxiety or the carriage or your clothing that was making you taste your last meal, and even that seemed like it was ages ago. 
“Your posture,” the whisper of your mother brought some of your awareness back to the question she’d asked.
What did you discuss? 
You tried to dismiss the impending feeling of doom that grew stronger as you noticed your surroundings, the carriage all of a sudden seeming to be moving too quickly, your grip on your gloves tightening as you tried to recall what your mother was trying to remind you of. 
Right.
Be obedient. The carriage rounded the corner, jolting you from the familiar bump in the road. Don’t immediately launch into literary discourses out of panic. Your mother took your gloves out of your weak grip, slipping them onto your hands with an assertiveness that shoved you further into your seat, resisting the urge to shiver at the feeling of her cold hands on your skin. Have good manners. You could now recognise the music echoing from the building, a piece you were sure you’d heard your sister play before. Mind your facial expression. Along with the sound of music, the chatter and giggles intensified. Don’t scribble funny names onto your dance card. You thought about your little sister at home, probably sitting by the window reading a book from your father’s library as she waited for you to return home. You thought about your father who was in his study doing God knows what. As if like a trigger, a wave of clarity washed over you; you’d suddenly felt unfortunately sober. 
Find a marriage partner. 
“There will be many eligible suitors present. After all, it’s the first ball of the season,” she spoke, more for herself than for you. 
You were treating this like a game of sorts, anything to make the process feel more distant from you. You needed to go in, find someone who had status, money and could offer protection to your family, and play your part to see it through for the rest of your life. Sure, it could be seen as a game. A very long, tedious game.  
“Right,” you swallowed, still feeling as though you could hurl at any given moment, though your mother would’ve never sensed your inner turmoil. You’d become somewhat of an expert at masking it. Perhaps it was all the times you heard your parents telling you to ‘use your words’; you’d become all-too-familiar with manipulating them as you pleased. 
The carriage came to an abrupt halt, your mother already preparing to alight as you followed behind her. Taking in a deep breath of (rather fresh smelling) air, you wondered momentarily if that was all you needed, feeling much better than you did in the carriage as you followed your mother up to the entrance of the ball. 
You’d barely paid attention to your name and your mother’s being announced to the room upon your entrance, hyper aware of the attendees and trying your best to suppress your discomfort, hoping you could somehow mentally dissuade them from approaching you for a dance, though you knew you would never let yourself allow that. You had more pressing issues at hand. 
Your relief from the fresh air was short lived. A stocky middle aged man who, according to your mother, owned an extravagant amount of land and had just gotten out of his second marriage, actively looking for a third. 
Masking your discomfort, once again, you’d complied when the man had asked for a dance (though it wasn’t like you had a choice, your dance card bare as ever). Though you didn’t remember what you talked about as you danced, you were too focused on counting your steps to distract from his lack of teeth and the damp warmth that sank into your clothes where his hand was placed. 
“Do you do much sewing?”
“A fair amount,” you grunted, feeling out of breath from supporting his weight with how much he was leaning into you while dancing. Sewing surely didn’t give you enough strength for this. 
“That is good. It would help to dedicate yourself to such productive activities. You could contribute much more to the household with that, compared to all the folly of reading or academic learning. Unnecessary, in my opinion, when I am more than sufficiently equipped in that area.”
You couldn’t help your blank stare, hoping your tired sigh wasn’t obvious as you nodded with a hum. 
“Is that so?” 
The man let out a grunt, seeming to think you were speaking sarcastically, “A woman like you should use your beauty to your advantage. It is your crowning glory.” 
You forced out a smile, telling yourself to take his words as flattery even though you were desperate for this dance to end. 
The truth of the matter was this: you were made to do all sorts of things at the start of your day, things that were considered ‘productive’ and would aid in attracting a husband. Needlework, dancing, singing, drawing… but when the afternoon came around you were free to do your other ‘less productive’ activities. 
You chose reading, naps and the occasional letter writing. These pastimes were the only form of rest you were accustomed to, though you would always end up somewhat unsatisfied, feeling as though these forms of resting didn’t satisfy the desire for rest. Perhaps it was like a writer trying to find the right word for a situation and ending up settling for one with the most similarity—it still wasn’t the right word, but there was always a thought that perhaps you were looking for one with an entirely different meaning. 
Sewing? You found it all too troublesome and required all the patience that you didn’t have, leaving it for those few hours in the morning that were dedicated to building up your ‘accomplishments’. But were you proficient at it? To answer simply, you were proficient to the extent that you felt it was necessary to attract a marriage partner. 
Your promise to your mother not to write random names on your dance card was growing less and less serious with each forced smile you let out to acknowledge the man’s strong beliefs. 
It was by your (you weren’t sure, actually, it seemed as though you’d danced more this night than in your entire lifetime) dance that you were starting to feel lightheaded, stepping aside to find your mother for a drink. It was as your dance partner led you back to your mother that your eyes couldn’t seem to help themselves, constantly glancing at the dance card hanging from your wrist, the empty spaces and the little pencil dangling from it simply calling out to you to put them to good use. 
You only had about four spaces left on your card— thank goodness for that, you didn’t think you’d be able to last any longer. Your fingers fiddled with the little pencil as you walked, careful to keep your fidgeting out of sight, overhearing giggles and murmurs about a certain viscount that was rumoured to be attending tonight’s ball. 
Viscount Jung? You almost scoffed at the way they seemed as if they were talking about the Queen. Whoever he was, it was absolutely tempting you, the offer of his name that was as easily tossed around as it could be written down on your silly card. 
“He’s gorgeous , you’ll have to take my word for it. Beautiful features and physique. I saw him once when he came to my estate for a meeting with my husband. He’s an architect, and a very skilled one at that.” 
You purse your lips, already concocting various images in your head of what he looked like. Tall? Amicable? Perhaps he had a nice smile, you always found that to be rather charming. Perhaps his movements were slow yet precise, his moves carrying the same kind of regal elegance of the buildings he designed.  
“Well, I would think he has potential marriage partners lining up for him if that’s the case, hmm?” you heard, almost nodding in agreement. 
As you scanned the room, you pursed your lips at the mental image you got of how any of these girls would behave if the tall, handsome architect you pictured in your brain were to show any attempt of courting them. Maybe not even to the extent of courting… perhaps just a passing glance, a brush of his hand against yours, to feel his imposing presence just like a Midas touch as he walked past. 
You let yourself wonder, just for a moment, if he would ask to be introduced to you, if you would find his personality charming while you danced, if he would take a liking to you and engage in more than just superficial conversation on your accomplishments, how you would feel to be at the receiving end of attention that was not unwanted for once. 
Though it was short lived, your mind had taken the liberty of playing the rest of the sequence of events—your mother’s meddling, heightened tension between you and her because of said meddling—you cut the daydream-turned-nightmare off before you made yourself bitter for no good reason. 
You were already getting too invested in this conversation, the image and elaborate backstory you’d created for him in your head. But it wasn’t exactly your fault, there was hardly any real entertainment to be found here. You held your dance card open as much as you could without going noticed, beginning to write the usual names you fell-back on when you grew tired of dancing.   
“It’s near impossible to catch his attention, though,” you tuned-in to the conversation between the two mothers from before, “he wouldn’t even spare a glance at anything other than his sketches when he was visiting my home. I’d assume one would have to be nothing short of perfect to even get noticed by someone of his calibre. I can’t imagine he would settle for anything less.” 
“Do you think he's coming tonight?”
“I heard he responded with his attendance, but Lord, have mercy on our daughters… I doubt he’d even cast a passing sigh their way,” you heard one of the chaperones sigh, shaking her head. 
“What’s his name again?” 
You tapped your pencil against the inside of your fingers absently, frustrated at the way your mind was blanking as you tried to recall another name you could use to fill the last empty space in your dance card. 
“Viscount Jung Jaehyun.” 
You hummed. Jung Jaehyun . You figured it was a safe bet, it wasn’t as if he’d actually ask you to dance. 
You worked quickly in scribbling his name, along with many others you usually fell back on, onto the paper. The feeling of pencil against paper had never been as satisfying as it did now as your feet ached, clothes felt uncomfortable against your skin and throat feeling dry as sand. 
Unfortunately for you, that victory didn’t seem to last very long. 
“My dear, where have you been? I’ve been looking for you,” your mother cooed once you’d reached her, her tone making you feel as though you’d just been cued to say your next line. 
You shot her a look, putting on a friendly smile as you greeted the people she was with, a few women you definitely did not recognise and a man with a very charming smile, clothes and jewellery that looked like he definitely lived… comfortably . 
You were introduced to this man, addressed as Mr Nakamoto, a young-looking man who was supposedly from a reputable family from overseas, back from his travels around Europe. All of which was unimportant to your mother, of course, who simply hinted that he had money and was looking for a wife, the only things she claimed you should be caring about. 
Perhaps that was true. Contrary to how it seemed, you were a lot more targeted in your search for a marriage partner. If you sifted through your mental list of men you’d danced with thus far into the night, your best potential marriage partner was either Mr Nakamoto (from what you were hearing), or the widower Baron who told you your silence was pleasing to him. 
“Would you do me the honour of a dance?” He smiled, already extending a hand to reach for your dance card. In your panic, you withdrew your hand just slightly, only having it snatched away again by your mother, whose eyes zeroed in on the newly-added names. 
You didn’t have time to react before the woman standing next to her had peered over as well, practically exclaiming with delight, “Oh! The viscount has asked you to dance? How fortunate! You must not dawdle, then.” 
Your eyes widened, about to protest with some reason you hadn’t quite thought up yet, using that split second to contemplate the repercussions and how willing you were to deal with them if you were to confess that it was a fake name. That is, until your gaze landed on the man currently being led (or pushed) towards you. 
Barely being able to protest before the both of you had been abandoned on the dance floor, the man looking nothing but irritable as he glared at you. You were assuming this was the man who was the centre of all the hushed giggles and gossip of tonight. 
The image you had in your head of the mysterious Viscount Jung was almost instantly shattered and made new again, as if the previous image had never existed and this was the only one that could ever exist. How, for some reason, it made sense . 
“This would all make sense if you let me explain,” you blurted out, seeing him quirk an eyebrow at you. Even his eyebrows were pretty. 
He let out a huff at your expression, wondering how you could still seem so unremorseful after causing him such inconvenience . The last thing Jaehyun wanted here was for people to assume he was actually interested in somebody. 
“You owe me an explanation, regardless,” the man’s voice had shocked you. 
Deep and smooth, capable of lulling you into a trance if you weren’t already so on edge, even if his tone was curt and dripping with annoyance, “You’ve somehow managed to get the whole room staring at us.” 
He let his gaze flicker briefly over the necklace you were wearing, back to your mother who was standing at the side looking on with evident disdain. Delicate looking Amethysts decorating your neck made Jaehyun wonder where you’d gotten them from. He only recalled Rubies to be quite popular among the girls in the other towns, according to his closest friend Johnny. 
As if reminded of where you were, you tried to ignore the stares as you reached a hand up to his shoulder, swallowing the gasp that almost escaped at the feeling of his hand going to your back, tensing up visibly as your brain processed the music playing. 
He let out a sigh as the both of you began to dance. It would’ve been an amusing sight if you were someone else looking on, both of you clearly not wishing to dance yet being whisked along to the upbeat tempo of the music, executing the dizzying choreography with what could only be described as trained movements. 
A hint of a smile graced his features, though it definitely wasn’t directed at you. 
“Anytime before my death, please,” he spoke, seeming to find his little joke amusing from the little huff of laughter he struggled to contain. 
You scoffed, for some reason not feeling as inclined to offer him the same grace you would your other dance partners. Rolling your shoulders back, you kept your stare steady and refused to look down, lest he think he succeeded in making you feel small. 
“That’s not a lot of time,” you quipped back, “Besides, your sour attitude is what will earn you an early death, if anything,” you muttered, audible enough for him to hear. 
“Yours isn’t any better, in case you haven’t realised,” he huffed, eyebrows furrowing slightly in disdain. 
“You don’t know me,” you huffed. 
“And neither do you,” he was quick to reply, earning a sigh from you. 
“Look, I wouldn’t be dancing with you if I had a choice,” you scoffed, figuring he was at least mildly offended from the way his eyes seemed to widen just momentarily. 
“Oh, but you had a choice in writing my name on your dance card, didn’t you?” He bit back with a sarcastic smile, making you suck in a breath. That was definitely caused by your annoyance, not the dimples on his cheeks that you noticed with his smile.  
“Just so we’re clear, I wouldn’t be dancing with someone as ill-mannered and arrogant as you either. Or dancing at all, for that matter. You’ve somehow seemed to spoil both of those outcomes,” he drawled, a wistful sigh that he masked with a soft smile. 
Almost like a child, you’d wanted to mutter something about how you weren’t ill-mannered, but you figured what you’d shown him thus far wouldn’t exactly help your case in proving that. 
You could hear girls swooning as you passed them. 
“And you had the choice to show up to the ball, did you not? What did you think was going to happen here if not dancing? Did you think we’d have a canvas laid out for you to do some drawing?” 
You struggled to maintain your gently pleased expression, finding your words to be quite amusing. Judging from the genuine huff of laughter you’d let out, to anyone else you two would’ve seemed to be really hitting it off. 
“We could spend the entire night airing out our… grievances ,” he sighed, “but you still haven’t explained how we have ended up like this.” 
You closed your eyes just briefly enough to roll them, opening them to see his jaw clenched as he glared at you. 
The sigh he breathed out in annoyance succeeded in drawing your attention to your proximity. Only then noticing how differently you felt dancing with him than you did with your previous dance partners who felt as though they would collapse on you at any given moment. Somehow, the viscount felt steadier, making you unconsciously lean into him as you danced. Almost like your body recognised its ability to be dependent in this moment, no matter how minuscule the moment was. Like muscle memory. 
Lifting your gaze up to his face, you tried not to let it linger for too long on his lips, their colour reminding you of a rose and hinted at the softness of a rose petal. Feeling the tap of his fingers against your back was what nudged your gaze to his eyes, understanding a little better why the gossip about him usually involved the word ‘beautiful’. 
“I might be able to die and resurrect before you start explaining—” 
“If I must explain,” you cut him off, earning a huff from him, “I usually write fake names on my dance card because eighteen dances are simply eighteen-too-many bouts of dancing with strange old men. Your name just happened to grace my ears when I was doing so.” 
Jaehyun huffed, “And what did you think was going to happen here if not dancing?” He repeated your words back to you with an all-too-smug tone. 
You let out a deep sigh, funnily enough, almost stumbling but feeling his hand on your back keep you standing upright. 
He did have a point (as annoying as his execution was) but you weren’t going to admit it, of course. It was much more than just ‘dancing’. What happened in these balls could very well determine the future of yourself, your family and your unborn children, as you’ve been so generously reminded time and time again. 
It was as if your mother was in your head, telepathically communicating these reminders to you whenever you were on the brink of letting yourself enjoy what you were doing. You had a responsibility to fulfil as the oldest daughter of your family. Him, however? To be able to waltz in here and expect to leave without dancing and know no one would bat an eye? 
You huffed, fixing your gaze on the space between his eyebrows just so you could look as though you were deeply attentive. 
“Must be nice not having to worry about your future,” you rolled your eyes. 
That seemed to have struck a nerve with the Viscount, who frowned slightly at your words, an uncomfortable silence falling between the both of you. 
“Was that the real reason you wrote my name down?” he finally spoke. His gaze seemed to truly hold offence now, feeling even more distant from him even though you were standing so close to him. The realisation that he truly was a stranger sinking in deeply, filling you with discomfort. 
You didn’t seem to catch on to his implication at first, only realising after you’d recalled what you said to warrant such a reaction from him.  
“I’m not after your money,” you told him plainly, seeing his frown grow deeper. 
“You expect me to believe you?” 
You glared at him, frowning slightly, his expression only mirroring yours. 
“It seems I would be better off not expecting anything from you,” you huffed, “but you cannot expect anyone in this room not to be after you for your money. You’re surely smart enough to know that when you step into this room...” 
You shook your head, each word seeming more for yourself than for the Viscount, a reminder that even now you were still meant to be playing your long, tedious game. 
“...  you are no longer viewed as yourself, only your eligibility, how well you’re able to act out your role. And if we were to go by that, I would be dancing with Mr Nakamoto there instead.” 
The viscount followed the direction you had gestured in with your head, spotting the man standing next to your mother and chaperone. 
“That’s Mr Nakamoto?” The viscount murmured, something almost akin to recognition in the man’s eyes as they met his own. The name seemed to ring a bell with him, though there was still a sense of unfamiliarity in his thoughtful expression. He didn’t think it was the kind of familiarity he would feel from a recent memory. Perhaps he would ask Johnny. 
“Yes. Do you know him?” 
There was no reply. A part of you was curious, wondering why his silence irked you so much. 
At the viscount’s silence, you had only then realised the song was coming to an end. He let go of you as quickly as the song allowed, bowing out of courtesy and leading you to where your mother and Mr Nakamoto were, a certain discomfort in his expression that you could not seem to place, “By all means.” 
And just as you said, he’d left the ball right after, no one batting an eye (but almost everyone running their mouths). 
Still recovering from your exchange, you fixed your gloves, huffing at no one in particular, seeing Mr Nakamoto direct a rather amused smile towards you. 
“Are you feeling alright? I hope dancing with the viscount wasn’t as dizzying as it looked.” 
Your eyebrows raised, mustering a polite smile as you shook your head, determined to leave thoughts of the Viscount behind. 
“Oh, no. Not at all. Yes, I’m perfectly fine.” Or you hoped to be in a while, at least.  
Mr Nakamoto, you discovered over the rest of the evening, was nothing short of a perfect gentleman (going by your sister’s manuals). You struggled to find a flaw (and trust me, you were searching hard for it). 
Beneath his extravagant clothes, confident demeanour, good dancing and how well-read he was about topics you could definitely see your father being eager to discuss over meals, you found that he was everything your mother was looking for. But other than the boxes he ticked off of her ‘Ideal son-in-law checklist’, there was nothing that compelled you to grow more acquainted with him. There wasn’t that… spark of attraction you would imagine was a non-negotiable aspect of the romance novels you read and plays you watched. The closest you’d gotten to feeling that tonight was in your sheer annoyance towards the viscount. 
Unfortunately for you, there was much longer left for you to endure before you would be able to return home, but Mr Nakamoto’s company proved to be… sufficient. 
Mr Nakamoto (whose first name you later heard from your mother was Yuta), kept you busy for the rest of the ball, occupied and mildly entertained with many stories about his travels (most of which you couldn’t differentiate between truth or lie). You would’ve even considered it a plus with how much he was talking, you were free to eat your supper in peace, undisturbed by other men due to Yuta’s riveting tales. 
“I haven’t travelled much myself, but whatever you described does sound very lovely,” you would comment once in a while, feeling as though you were talking to the little children you would see at the market. You would smile, nod and coo at their stories without much care if they were reality or fiction. It was almost like an escape from reality, one you welcomed with open arms tonight. 
“Do you have any siblings?” he asked suddenly, making you straighten up after a while of quietly enjoying your supper. 
“Yes, a younger sister,” you murmured, “she’s not out yet, though.” 
Yuta hummed over a mouthful of food, swallowing it with a wince before continuing, “Are you two close?” 
You smiled, a small huff leaving you as you shrugged, “Well, yes, I suppose that is one way you could describe it.” 
Yuta huffed, smiling as if recalling something (a story you assumed). 
“Did I say something amusing?” 
Yuta smiled, shaking his head, “No, it just reminded me of these siblings I met while I was in America…” setting off into yet another story about his travels. 
Though you really didn’t mind, he was just giving you more stories to tell your sister once you got home. 
You were at your wits end when it was time for the ball to be over, feeling as though you’d used up all your energy for the season from just dancing and listening to Yuta’s stories. You’d wanted nothing more than to simply curl into bed and sleep the rest of the week away. 
Exchanging greetings as you parted ways, you tried hard to ignore the way your mother was looking at you as you returned to your carriage, head feeling heavy yet still feeling tension in your limbs, unable to fully relax with your mother in the carriage with you. 
“He’s a very pleasant man,” she murmured, gaze trained outside the window as if she could see anything other than trees and empty road. 
“Who?” you frowned. 
“Who else? Mr Nakamoto.” 
You let out a deep sigh, the breath you took in not satisfying the breathlessness you felt, nodding. 
“He is,” your reply was curt, leaving no room for elaboration, though that didn’t seem to stop your mother. 
“I heard from one of the ladies that he’s planning on staying here for a while. Planning to buy the estate near the park. You know, the one with the balcony that overlooks the lake. It’s an expensive property.” 
You hummed. 
You wanted to be interested, you really did. But the movement of the carriage was starting to make your head pound and you didn’t think you had any energy left in you to pretend to be bothered about whether Yuta’s potential estate overlooked anything . 
Deeming your fatigue as a sort of defiance, your mother’s tongue clicked sharply as she shook her head at you.
“How can you be so… “ she scoffed, shaking her head, “need I remind you that you are doing this for the family? You need to start taking ownership of your responsibility in this whole affair.” 
You sighed, shifting in your seat and directing your gaze towards her, “I know.” 
Though you tried your best to remain respectful with your tone, your irritation got the better of you, “I am taking ownership. Am I not allowed to be tired after a whole night of dancing and socialising?” 
“This is not just ‘ dancing and socialising ’. You need to realise the gravity of what just one dance could affect, for your family’s sake.” 
Of course you knew that, but it wasn’t as if you could get her to see things from your perspective. She was your mother, and the last time she’d seen from any perspective other than that was before you were born. 
You huffed, suppressing the many words you’d wished to have her hear, trying to remind yourself that words were unlikely to get you anywhere near an understanding with her. That would suffice for the night until you slept off your anger.
Nodding in hopes that it would appease her, you focused on your breathing, hoping it would somehow ease your headache that was coming on stronger than you’d wished. Unfortunately for you, you’ve come to learn that your mothers worries were only ever vented through such exchanges with you, though they weren't much of an exchange to begin with.  
“Think of your father,” you couldn’t help the wave of discomfort that washed over you at the mention of him, as if you could feel his presence in the carriage at the mere mention of him, domineering and tense. 
“He slaved away for his whole life to ensure his daughters could be viewed as respectable ladies in society. It is a privilege to even attend a ball like you just did. And yet you act as if we’re putting you through torture!” 
Torture was one label for it; your long, tedious game. 
“You are the oldest, you are to set an example for your sister. I do not wish for you to taint her innocence with your… your insolence .” 
You nodded, almost wanting to laugh at the absurdity of the situation. With how much they fed her those manuals on what a respectable man and woman should be, how they kept her in the house as much as possible, allowed not even for her to paint because of how it would dirty her clothing, it was a wonder how they thought anything could possibly ‘ taint’ her at all. 
Though at the same time, you would be lying if you said you didn’t wish to live as quiet and simple a life as she did, out of the loop of all the burdens and worries that seemed to follow your family for generations, growing more complex with each cycle it made. 
“I know,” you stifled your sigh lest she use that as another example of your ‘insolence’, “I’m sorry,” you murmured, a foolproof way of appeasing her you’d come to learn after a lifetime of experience. Whether you meant it was an entirely separate matter.  
Your words seemed to have their intended effect, allowing you to sit in the quiet tension of the carriage ride until you felt it come to a stop, hearing the rustling of the footman moving to open the carriage door, exiting with haste that only came with the feeling of a successful escape. 
Your sister was quick to meet you in your bedroom as you reached your bedroom, timed with a precision you both knew came with too much time spent at home. 
“I didn’t expect you to be awake,” you huffed, earning a shrug from her, a book you recognised to be from your father’s library in her hands, her finger tucked between the pages she stopped at. 
“Couldn’t sleep,” she sighed, a dreamy look in her eyes that you supposed held all sorts of hope to hear stories of love and romance, “I suppose I was too excited for you.” 
You sighed. 
“I hope that was a good sigh,” she inched closer, dog-earing the page she was on and tossing it aside, the book thumping softly on your stool. 
She shifted on your bed, making herself comfortable as you changed out of your clothes leaving just your nightgown, glancing at her through her reflection in your standing mirror. 
“I hope it was too,” you huffed, allowing yourself to be amused at your own joke, even though you didn’t very well feel like making light of your horrible night.
“How was it? Did anybody catch your eye?” 
Your thoughts ran first to the Viscount (and his rosy lips—this wasn’t your fault, really.) It upset you, how he of all people had left a lasting impression on you even though you’d spent hours and hours talking to Mr Nakamoto. It upset you how you just knew that even if you did tell others about his lousy manners or his condescending demeanour, no one would have wanted to believe you, everyone already believed he was what they wanted him to be; a gentleman straight out of one of your sister’s manuals. 
“There were… some , I suppose,” you spoke as vaguely as you could, hoping that would be enough to satisfy her (even though you knew it wouldn’t).
“Handsome?” The lilt in her tone was awfully hopeful.
You sighed, turning to her with a knowing look, “Handsomely rich .” 
Her mouth fell open, features pulling into a frown, “You know for a fact I didn’t mean money. Were they charming? Attractive?” 
“I suppose one of them was… not ugly,” you felt embarrassed saying it, for some reason, as if you could anticipate the viscount’s reaction if he’d heard your words. The way the corner of his lips would curl up in a smirk, tilting his chin up at you with all the arrogance and cockiness in his being. 
For some reason, you were afraid to voice out your thoughts on him. Perhaps it was the fault of the little nagging voice that persisted in your head, telling you that it truly didn’t matter if you thought he was physically attractive, because you didn’t stand a chance to begin with. Voicing it out almost seemed like a jinx, a nail in the coffin that forced you to face this reality instead of living in the hope that he could have harboured good feelings towards you too; simply for the pleasure that came with being perceived by someone like him. 
You figured now wasn’t the time for you to start getting comfortable with hoping. 
Turning to your sister with a shrug, you spoke, “But he had the worst demeanour.” 
“I heard a Viscount asked you to dance. It couldn’t have been him, could it?” 
Perhaps it was those very manuals that led her to this assumption. 
Though it was for her own good, you found yourself not wanting to burst her bubble. She needed to know that it wasn’t about whether they were a Viscount or not, but that the men she would encounter in the marriage market in general weren’t as fairytale-like as they were written out to be. The likelihood of marrying someone you found even mildly attractive was rare. Yet the hope she held was important, precious almost. 
Although the growing desire to find a love match was gaining popularity these days, you didn’t consider yourself to have that luxury. It seemed all too indulgent, saved for people who could afford to worry about things like love. Not a lady like you, the eldest daughter of her family carrying her parents’ burden on her weary shoulders. 
“Do you think all viscounts are handsome and kind?” you laughed, beginning to undo your hair. 
“Don’t know. Never met one before,” she sighed, “which is precisely why I’m asking you. ” 
You hummed, “Well, the other man I spent most of the night with wasn’t exactly better. He spent most of the time talking about himself, but I suppose it was good entertainment.” 
“So he wasn’t the handsome one?” 
“The viscount?” you frowned. 
Your sister’s eyes lit up, her smile growing, “So, you think the viscount’s handsome?” 
Realising your mistake, you narrowed your eyes at her, “I think it’s best you forget about him.” 
Somehow, the words left a bitter taste on your tongue, your sister’s expression of confusion making you feel almost frustrated, “I’m only saying this because I don’t think we’ll be seeing much of him after tonight.” 
You made your way over to your bed, getting into bed and shifting to find a comfortable position, your sister still sitting next to you and looking at you with that same thoughtful expression. 
“Are you that upset about it?” you huffed, trying to read into her emotions, “It’s nothing to worry about, really. Mother seems to have found a man that’s to her liking, you know, finances, property, intelligence and manners all included.” 
She shook her head, mustering a small smile, “No, It’s not that. I was just wondering… how difficult it’s probably going to be for me to find a husband.” 
You frowned. 
“You have loads of accomplishments. You’re going to be fine,” you assured her, choosing gentle words that paved a way for a peaceful conclusion as always, though your words seemed to have weighed heavier on her, a small sigh leaving her as she toyed with your bedsheet under her hand. You would be lying if you said it didn’t spark some sort of competitive urge to prove that you could find better words to dissipate her worry. 
She sighed, briefly glancing at you before looking away, mumbling in a way that was almost reluctant to be heard, “Love is important too, you know.” 
You fell silent at her words, the ache in you growing obvious again. That ache for the kind of rest that went beyond physical things. One that seemed natural for you to forego, for everyone’s sake but yours. 
You nodded, swallowing the dryness in your throat. You sifted through your archive of neutral, concluding words, words that you didn’t necessarily believe for yourself, but words that would suffice for now. 
“I’m sure it will find you,” you murmured. 
There was nothing but silence in the room afterwards. feeling yourself starting to get drowsy as your sister got up, walking over to your bedside stool to retrieve her book. 
“What’s his name?” she murmured. 
At your silence, she continued, “you know, maybe I can keep my ears open for any gossip when I go to the flower market,” she insisted, eager to have a little bit of adventure in her otherwise mundane days, clearly. 
You thought about it just for a moment, wondering if your pride overpowered your curiosity on what kind of gossip she would hear. You figured that in this moment, you couldn’t deny your curiosity. 
“Jung Jaehyun.” 
Only after she left, you realised she hadn’t specified who she was referring to. 
===
The ache did not disappear when you woke up near the afternoon, as much as you wished it did. Frankly, you didn’t manage to get much sleep at all, the sound of your door bursting open being what jolted you awake. 
No words were exchanged, simply your mother rummaging through your drawers she used for storage for something she couldn’t seem to find, returning empty-handed to wherever she came from. 
Figuring you could have something to eat before returning to bed, you got dressed, heading to the dining room. You saw your sister and your mother there eating breakfast, the staff clearing what you assumed to be your father’s used plates and utensils. It was almost strange how you felt yourself relax at the knowledge of not having to sit through a meal with him. 
“Good morning,” your sister’s grin was on full display as you sat next to her, “there’s a surprise for you in the drawing room.” 
“Surprise?” you frowned, taking a bite of your food even though you weren’t all that hungry, knowing it would set your mother off if you weren’t eating. 
As if it were orchestrated by some divine power, you heard the low vibrations of what could only be a man’s voice in your otherwise female-occupied household. 
Men, as in, plural? 
You stared at the doorway of the dining room, a strange feeling in your gut as you heard the voices grow louder, your sister seeming to catch on as she grabbed your hand, forcing you to abandon your breakfast as she led you to the drawing room. 
“A fresh one,” she smiled, her clues not giving you any idea of what awaited you in the drawing room. 
“Living and breathing?” You weren’t sure why you were breathless, but you became sure when you saw the man standing next to your father, whose gaze had met yours with a certain finality and hadn’t bothered tearing itself away. 
Living and breathing, right in front of your eyes. 
“Roses!” your sister chipped in, “pink ones. And white clovers too.”  
Viscount Jung Jaehyun, standing just a few paces away from you and your sister in your drawing room as your father talked his ear off about the renovations he wanted to make to the estate. 
It irked you how your thoughts had almost instantly shifted to the rosy lips of the viscount, allowing yourself to wonder just for a moment if the flowers were from him. It gave you whiplash to think of him gifting you such romantic flowers after the exchange you both shared just hours before. 
Perhaps they were meant as some sort of an apology? Perhaps the viscount had dug deep within himself to find that his behaviour was far from pleasant. Yes , if that was the case, maybe you were right to think he wasn’t as horrible as he seemed, maybe the viscount had some decency in him after all. 
“The name on the card didn’t sound familiar, but I figured you would know once you see it!” 
That seemed to have caught Jaehyun’s attention (as much as he tried to hide it), though he masked his curiosity well as he pretended to be fascinated with the interior of your drawing room. 
Rolling your shoulders back, you fixed your posture, reaching a hand out to the little card that was perched delicately in the midst of the flowers, a simple handwritten card that read: 
- To thank you for the pleasure of your company -  Nakamoto Yuta 
“Are they from the viscount?” your sister asked loudly, earning a sharp nudge from you that sent her stumbling, your gaze darting to the viscount and missing the smirk that had graced his lips. 
You shook your head, murmuring, “The other man.” 
Your sister wasn’t doing a very good job in saving your face in front of the viscount, making no move to hide her dismay as her lips parted with a sigh of disappointment, “The boring one?” 
Grabbing her hand quickly, you led her back to the dining room, making sure your voice was more than audible as you walked past the viscount. 
“The only man from the evening who was worth remembering,” you commented, suppressing your satisfaction when you heard the viscount clear his throat, suggesting to move to your father’s office for a more conducive discussion. 
Just as you’d settled back into your seat at the dining table, feeling more of an appetite to eat now after your little success in irking the viscount, your mother spoke from where she stood by the doorway, glancing out of the window briefly as she fixed her gloves. 
“Get dressed, we should be ready to entertain callers soon.” 
“Callers?” you couldn’t help but frown, hearing your sister grunt from where she was beside you. 
“I’ve invited Mr Nakamoto for some tea, perhaps the two of you could go for a stroll in the late afternoon.”  You inhaled deeply, something about the proposal not seeming to entice you as much as your curiosity as to what was going on in your father’s office with the viscount. It was a shame even boring estate talk could seem more appealing to you than conversation and a stroll with an attractive, eligible suitor. 
“Well that’s my cue to leave, then. Wouldn’t want to be caught in the crossfire of mindless talk,” amusement left your sister in hushed giggles, her chair screeching against the wooden floor loudly as she got up, making you cringe at the sound she was otherwise unaffected by. 
Your mother hadn’t bothered acknowledging her departure, though you heard your sister’s footsteps bounding up the stairs, the sound of her bidding your father goodbye before the same thumping down the stairs echoed till the front door was shut. 
You sighed, looking out of the window at the cloud cover that kept the sun from gracing anything beneath it, choosing once again to push your feelings behind you for the sake of your mother who wanted to ensure security for your future. For the sake of your father who longed to retire. For the sake of your sister who was still trusting that there was love and hope in her world. 
You would receive Mr Nakamoto and you would do so gracefully. Another step towards the end goal in your long, tedious game. 
=== 
The afternoon went perfectly. A little too perfectly, if you were being honest. 
It was almost frustrating, how there was barely anything to complain about when it came to Yuta. He was on his best behaviour today, even managing to start and sustain a very well-developed conversation with your father when he had come down with the viscount briefly while they made their way to the other part of your estate. 
And there you sat, like a jilted lover during the whole exchange, frustrated at the fact that Yuta had somehow managed to have everybody smitten for him, except yourself. A little nagging in your gut had tried to convince you that perhaps that was how Yuta wanted to go about this; winning over your family so he wouldn’t have to try so hard to win you over, as if this was his strategy in his own long, tedious game. 
Even as you went out to promenade by the lake, you struggled to be present to the man next to you. 
“Did you like the flowers?” he asked, earning a blank stare from you till you managed to register his question. 
“Oh, yes I did. They’re lovely flowers.” 
“Do you happen to have a liking for them? I saw many arrangements in your house when your mother was showing me around.” 
You shook your head, the sudden recollection of your sister’s words about mindless small talk coming to mind as you dismissed them with a huff, “Not particularly. I mean, I do like them, but I wouldn’t go as far as making arrangements and whatnot. That is more of my sister’s hobby.” 
Yuta hummed, “Do you have a favourite?” 
Glancing up at Yuta, the way his smile was relaxed, his attention seemed to be solely focused on you. Something about it threw you off guard, wondering why he’d taken a liking to you when you were sure his smile and his charm would have any girl in your neighbourhood begging for his attention (perhaps just not yourself included).
“Lilacs.” 
Yuta’s smile grew, looking somewhat pleased with your answer.
“Is first love something you hold dear to yourself?” 
You let out a huff at that, impressed that he was familiar with the language of flowers, the thought of his pink roses from the morning making you feel somewhat uncomfortable at his pursuit. 
You shook your head, “I’ve never actually… experienced it before.” 
Yuta’s next words had stilled your fingers over your umbrella, wondering if he’d taken the words straight out of one of the romance novels in your bookshelf. 
“I’d like to think it feels like this,” he sighed, a serene expression on his face as you walked together, “being able to share this with you.” 
You were holding your breath, you were sure of it. But why wasn’t this feeling as heart-fluttering as you were expecting? Sure, his words were nice to hear, but was it because you were too distracted at the moment? 
Now, you were frustrated. It wasn’t as if you could go back in time to ask him to repeat himself in the hope that you would feel something. Perhaps you were just tired, you told yourself (even if you knew that really wasn’t the reason behind your apathy). 
“Shall we head back?” 
Even as you were walking back, Yuta didn’t seem to let up as easily. His demeanour was vastly different from how it was at the ball. This time, he was asking you more questions about yourself, as if he were specifically orchestrating dialogue sequences that would allow him to insert romantic one-liners like the one before. Though they were flowery, and by the nature of the word you figured flowery would mean they were pleasant, but you were at a loss with the way they left you feeling well… not exactly pleased . You were hearing him, definitely, but you were stuck feeling like he wasn’t really hearing you. 
As you were walking back, you reached your house just as the viscount’s carriage was leaving, tensing up as you saw your father standing next to the little flower garden behind the gates of your house as he saw the viscount off. 
You avoided his gaze, hoping you would be able to walk past him without being stopped, but it seemed that wasn’t the case with how Yuta greeted your father with much more enthusiasm than you’d seen him bear all day. 
You’d taken that as your queue to enter the house first, the sound of the piano echoing from the walls indicating your sister was home and that made you all the more eager to be in the company of someone you actually wanted to see today. Your father and Yuta followed behind you, not seeming to be affected by your absence as you drew closer to your sister, finally feeling as though you could relax slightly more in her presence. 
“How was it?” she whispered, glancing not-so-subtly at Yuta, earning a small mustered smile from yourself. 
“He was lovely,” you told her, (which in fact, wasn’t a lie). 
She grinned. 
“He’s handsome too, I must say. But even so, he can’t be compared to the man father was talking to this morning. They each have a different… air,” her shoulders lifted as she spoke, arms moving in the way your old piano tutor called ‘with emotion’ as she played, “you know, in the way they carry themselves.” 
You let out a deep sigh, nodding slowly, “You do know that man is the viscount I mentioned the night before, don’t you?” 
Her playing faltered abruptly (though your father and Yuta were too distracted to notice), slowly picking up where she’d left off, “ The viscount? The one named Jung Jaehyun? He was the man father was talking to?” 
Her amazement was obvious, and you’d be lying if you said you didn’t understand why she was so shocked. 
You nodded, “The ill-mannered one.” 
She frowned, “That’s unfortunate, then. He really did live up to what the townspeople were saying about him. Beauty and grace and elegance… a man that looks like everything he touches turns to gold.” 
You rolled your eyes, amusement hinted in your smile, “Not everything gold is worth wanting.” 
“Would you say Mr Nakamoto is the exception, then? More worth wanting than the Midas-touch-viscount himself?” She scoffed.
You didn’t have an answer for that, maybe because you weren’t convinced of the one you were going to offer her.  
“We’ll see. He just might have to be.” 
She giggled, seemingly satisfied with your answer as she resumed playing the piano, the lilting melody carrying you elsewhere for the moment until Yuta was done with the conversation he was having with your father, bidding you goodbye as he left. 
As your father made his way over to you, you forced yourself to meet his gaze, resisting the urge to look away and fidget in your discomfort. “I’m going to be away in the afternoons for business over the next few days, so you’ll be handling the meetings with the viscount on the estate. I trust that you’re already well versed on what needs to be taken care of.” 
“Will mother be joining—” 
“What good will that do?” he huffed, “Do not waste your time with these silly questions. There is no need to get her or your sister involved and cause them unnecessary stress. You are capable enough of handling it on your own.” 
You sighed, watching him leave in the direction of his office, leaving you to slump onto the sofa next to where your sister was, curling into a comfortable position for a nap as the gentle melody worked on lulling you to a place where your worries were far away and rest seemed within reach. 
=== 
If Jaehyun was surprised to see you the next day, he didn’t show it, simply glancing at you as he entered the house, nodding his head as if he’d expected you to be there (even if he really didn’t). 
“I trust my father has briefed you that I'll be handling the estate matters while he’s away?” you were first to break the silence, watching as one of his hands moved to touch the pads of his fingertips, looking somewhat preoccupied. Or perhaps, he was recalling his exchange with your father, looking at you curiously. Though that curiosity had left as soon as it came, replaced with a playful glint in his eyes. 
“My apologies,” his tone was anything but remorseful, punctuated by the little smirk that was playing at his lips, “I figure you’d much rather be… well, handling Mr Nakamoto.” 
You narrowed your eyes at him, “D’you fancy yourself a comedian, my lord?” 
Jaehyun had simply shrugged, showing some modesty in the small shake of his head. 
“Good. Because you’d be a very poor one.” 
You began to lead him to your father’s office, Jaehyun noticing the way your steps had slowed as you grew nearer to the door, the deep breath you’d taken in before your hands had met the doorknob, turning it and pushing only to be met with a smell that was unmistakably like your father. 
Hints of a pipe smoked hours ago, the smell of his library books, ink on his desk, the musk and citrus and alcohol that blended together to form the imposing presence of your father even when he wasn’t here. Your posture had straightened and your steps became quiet and wary almost instinctively. 
You stayed far from his desk, as you had always done, surprising Jaehyun with the way you’d simply taken the documents you needed and sat yourself on one of the chairs in the office, legs crossing uncomfortably as you gripped the papers in your hands.
Eyeing you carefully, Jaehyun made his way to the chair nearest to you, pulling out his own blueprints that he and your father had discussed the day before. 
“Did my…” you began, throat feeling dry all of a sudden at the sight of the documents before you, “did my father tell you what I had to go over on his behalf?” 
Jaehyun simply tilted his head at you. 
“We’ve gone over it actually, he… just told me to ask you for the stamp and to clear the financial documents. He mentioned that you took care of the family’s accounts.” 
You figured you shouldn’t have been surprised that your father didn’t actually want your opinion on his decisions. You’d just let yourself get carried away thinking he wanted to know what you thought about the things he made you responsible for. 
“Oh, so my business here is simply for the seal, am I correct to say that—?”
“No, actually, I would appreciate it if I could go over these plans with you once before you approve them. It’s only sensible if—” 
You shook your head firmly, Jaehyun stopping himself at your gesture, eyebrows furrowing as if the situation was upsetting to him. 
“That won’t be necessary. I would rather not impose on his… plans,” you sighed, averting your gaze from his as you stood up, making your way over to your father’s desk for his seal. 
“Impose?” he quirked an eyebrow, wondering why it was that you seemed to withdraw so easily when it came to your father, “You had no problem imposing on my plans at the ball.” 
Rolling your eyes, you struggled to keep your hands steady as they sifted past the papers on your father’s desk. 
“I would be sorry if your initial plans were any good to begin with,” you murmured distractedly.
It was strange, how you felt as if you were doing something you weren’t supposed to. As if you were secretly rummaging around in his desk while your heart was thrumming wildly at the thought of him walking in and catching you red-handed, feeling the disappointment that would meet you in his gaze, rendering you a little child again who had more familiarity with these belongings than she did her father. 
“If you’re not sorry about that, you could be sorry about the fact that people seem to think I’m courting you now.” 
You debated ignoring his statement, glancing at him only briefly as you arranged the papers in your hand. 
Humming, it seemed your urge to cover up your nerves had shown up in snappy retorts aimed towards Jaehyun, strangely unfiltered with him even though you figured you should’ve been. 
“Of course, because a man like you should be able to show up to a ball simply for the music and drink.” 
Clenching and unclenching your fists, you went about the process as calmly as you could, Jaehyun’s watchful, curious eyes unnerving you even as you made the seal. 
“Are you alright?” he spoke suddenly, earning a sharp inhale and a glare from you in return, your grip tightening around the seal. Whether it was because the question felt out of place, or whether it was the fact that he had caught on to your discomfort, you would rather not admit. 
You shut your father’s desk drawer with a quiet click, habitual movements from many instances of sneaking in here as a child for writing materials. 
“What does it matter to you?” 
“No, just… does my presence here make you uncomfortable?” his eyebrows furrowed, what seemed like genuine curiosity taking over his features once again. 
Trust you to be defensive, though. 
A scoff left you, the thud of the beaten book that you used to keep track of your family’s accounts dropping against your father’s desk echoing through the room as if that were your form of exerting your dominance over the room and everything it represented. 
“Has the thought only crossed your mind now? Besides, don’t flatter yourself,” you scoffed, “your presence doesn't have that much of an effect on me.” 
That would’ve done it , you figured. You could imagine the way his lips would curl into a sarcastic smile, or how he would simply scoff and announce that it was about time for him to leave. Anything but what followed next. 
“Maybe not mine, but your father’s seems to.” 
Somehow, you almost wished your sister was here to defuse the tension in the room, or to crack a joke to save you from having to face such an observation. But she wasn’t, and the truth of the matter was that you were sitting here facing a stranger who seemed confident that they could read you like an open book.
And maybe, his confidence wasn’t completely unfounded. 
A silence fell between the both of you, tense and ridden with an understanding both of you were aware of but neither were willing to put down their pride first to admit. 
You scoffed, waving him off in dismissal as naturally as you could, “You’ve never seen us interact.” 
“I don’t have to,” he huffed, speaking matter-of-factly, “you’ve been… tense ever since I suggested having our meeting in his office.” 
“I just don’t like being in stuffy offices,” you shrugged again, pretending to be busy with your notebook. 
Jaehyun rolled his eyes, confidence in his stare as he leaned back in his seat, crossing his legs, “ Or the person the stuffy office belongs to.” 
Your sharp gaze met his almost instantly, letting out a small huff of air through your nose. You were at a loss of a witty retort, though somehow that didn’t feel as damning as you thought it would; the viscount didn’t seem to be attacking today in the same way he was before at the ball. 
“It’s not a crime, you know,” he murmured, cutting you some slack from the way he averted his gaze to fiddle with his sleeve, “you’re not expected to be amiable with him all the time. At least not in my book.” 
You attempted to swallow in the hopes that it would make the lump in your throat feel less suffocating, to no avail. 
“Amiable,” you echoed, huffing at his choice of words. Even on good days, you don’t think you could use a word like that to describe your interactions with your father. 
Jaehyun searched your expression, reading into your silence, shaking his head dismissively, “Sorry if I overstepped, I don’t usually have the habit of voicing out my observations so… carelessly.” 
You didn’t believe him, strangely. Everything about what had just transpired between the both of you seemed anything but careless. Instead, it came with all the intentionality of trying to understand someone. Somehow, that knowledge made you less inclined to hold back in front of him. 
When you finally felt like your voice wouldn’t give, you spoke, “Are you speaking from experience?” 
His eyebrows raised in question, “My father?” 
You nodded, earning a huff from him. Now it was your turn to watch him shift in his discomfort, averting his gaze and swallowing thickly.  “Never really had much of a relationship with him or my mother… I uh… I lived with my aunt and uncle since I was a child.” 
“Did you have much of a relationship with them, then?” 
Jaehyun shrugged. 
“Not as much as I did with my tutors,” he huffed, perhaps in some attempt to lighten the mood, “they were the ones I spent most of my time with.” 
You hummed, hands stilling around the papers you had yet to hand over to him. 
At your lack of an immediate response, he looked up, continuing, “It’s nothing to pity me for. They raised me as best as they could.” 
“I don’t pity you,” you spoke. 
Sure, it wasn’t exactly pity that you felt, but you weren’t sure what exactly the feeling that stirred in your chest even was. Perhaps it was a desire to be as grateful for your parents as he was? Perhaps it was an understanding of the little insistence that he didn’t want to be pitied. Perhaps it was the breathlessness that came with the way he was looking at you now, expectant for your reply. 
Whatever it was, you found yourself recalling your conversation with your sister, feeling almost embarrassed at how even now, you still thought he was capable of turning things to gold. 
“You don’t?” he questioned, his tone uncharacteristically gentle, unlike anything you’ve heard before. 
“Do you want me to?” you weren’t sure why you were asking, simply curious how he would reply. 
Jaehyun let out a huff through his nose, shaking his head. He wasn’t quite sure what he wanted to elicit from you. Although it was definitely something , he could say certainly that pity definitely wasn’t what it was. 
“No, I don’t.” 
You held his gaze, nodding. “Good, I don’t want you to pity me either.” 
Before he could reply, you straightened up, handing the documents back to him with your father’s seal already in its rightful place. Taking in a deep breath, he stood up, taking you back almost immediately to what it felt like to dance with him at the ball, your proximity to him now allowing you to feel him towering over you, though strangely without the condescension that was present before. 
“A lady like you shouldn’t care for my pity,” he murmured, the faintest of smiles playing at his lips. 
And just like that, it was as if the exchange never happened, as if you both didn’t just bare a part of your souls to each other. Jaehyun straightened out his clothes, averting his gaze to the floor as you both allowed the façade of banter to mask the windedness that came from suddenly feeling all-too exposed. 
“You won’t need to tell me twice.” 
===
“You wouldn’t believe what I heard at the flower market,” your sister barged into your room as you were getting ready to attend a soiree that evening.
Your eyebrows raised, smoothing down your dress before sitting on your bed, giving her an expectant look. 
“It appears Lord Jung is an anti-social man,” she began, “a few of the ladies at the flower market were talking about him, they said he’s rarely seen with people other than those he does business with. I interpreted that as the man having no friends, but that’s quite sad, isn’t it?” 
You shrugged, “I figure something like that is subjective.” 
Your sister didn’t seem convinced, “I think it’s lonely. Not having anyone to talk to about your life, about your struggles, about your joys… only being able to talk about your business wherever you go. I find that an awfully lonely way to live.” 
Huffing, you got up from your bed, “He doesn’t seem keen on finding a marriage partner either so perhaps he’s more comfortable in this loneliness than you think.” 
“I don’t believe it,” she grunted, “but it does make some sense. Maybe that’s why his manners aren’t the best, because he’s used to talking to cunning old businessmen.” 
You let out a huff of laughter, “You sound like you’re defending him.” 
Giving you a shrug, she hummed, “Maybe if you see him at the soirée later you can find out for yourself if he’s worth defending,” she smiled. 
You could only sigh at that, glancing out the door when you heard your mother calling for you. 
“That is, if Mr Nakamoto doesn’t talk my ears off before that.” 
One thing about soirées, or these public events during the season in general, was that they didn’t allow for much privacy at all. It wasn’t like you were in the confines of your father’s study with the viscount’s full attention on you, no. You were in someone else’s house, with many many different eyes on you, at the receiving end of everybody’s attention except the very person who wouldn’t seem to leave your mind. 
It was as if you were being shadowed by Yuta, your mother looking on with delight as your chaperone while the both of you conversed and you nursed your glass of whatever drink he’d handed to you. In such a setting, you couldn’t help but be hyper-aware of your posture, your manners, your tone of voice, the way you held your fan, even the way you would time your glances towards Yuta. All part of your tedious game, you supposed— to win the affections of a man you felt no real desire towards. 
What did you desire, then? You wondered. His attention? His approval? You continued with the knowledge that even if you didn’t desire him, you wanted to feel worthy of his desire. It was messy, and it felt manipulative. But you figured those were things you’d signed up for the moment you started playing this game (however unwillingly). 
You could see Jaehyun standing at the corner of the room next to the grand piano, looking intently at the multitude of sheet music next to the piano. The sight was almost amusing when you recalled your sister’s words, because indeed as you looked at him now, the sheer intent of his glare on the sheet music would be enough to intimidate anyone from initiating a conversation with him. 
“Do you know how to play?” Yuta’s words had caught your attention, and you’d almost grimaced at the realisation that you’d been walking towards the piano. Stopping just a few paces away from the piano, you cast a brief glance at Jaehyun who was still glaring at the sheet music in his hands. 
“No, no. I don’t, actually.” 
Yuta smiled, “I would offer to play something for you, but it seems viscount Jung has beat me to it,” he murmured as you heard the melody start to sound from the piano. You knew this piece, it was the one your sister was playing when Jaehyun had visited your house the other day. 
For some reason, the piece held much more melancholy than you realised, or maybe it was the way he was playing it, holding you (and all the other women in the room, you guessed) captive, unable to look elsewhere. 
You weren’t even paying attention to what you were talking to Yuta about, feeling the words come out of your mouth but paying no attention to what you were actually saying. Little did you know that as focused as Jaehyun seemed on his playing, every word of yours was flitting into his mind and refusing to leave. 
“I was always envious of people who could play the piano,” you sighed almost wistfully, earning a hum from Yuta. 
“Were you not tutored for it?” 
You shook your head, “It wasn’t something I was interested in when I was younger, but I suppose as I grew older, the music started to feel comforting to an extent. Only I was simply a listener, not the one who conveyed such comfort,” you huffed, attempting to make light of your feelings. 
Yuta, as always, replied with his flowery lines, not being able to pick up on how you were really feeling and taking your words at surface level with a smile.
“Well, you certainly are an excellent conversationalist, so I would still consider myself accomplished if I were you.” 
You hummed, brushing off your discomfort and mustering a smile, “Thank you.” 
Jaehyun had to withhold his amusement, wondering again why it was that you were so willing to withdraw to men like Yuta, men who were all-too-familiar with manipulating their words to their advantage. If you’d simply bit back with half the amount of snark that you generously gave him, he was sure Yuta would be at a loss for words. 
How frustrating. Surely, you could tell that Yuta was not a good match for you, couldn’t you? 
Coming to the end of his piano piece, Jaehyun stood up, simply picking up his glass of wine that he had set on top of the piano, acting as if he wasn’t the one at the receiving end of the room’s applause. 
Perhaps it was a stroke of divine timing, but one of the servants had approached Yuta, murmuring into his ear something you couldn’t quite catch. Yuta straightened up in response, casting an apologetic glance your way. 
“Forgive me, I need to excuse myself for a moment,” he muttered, rushing off to somewhere you couldn’t truly be bothered to wonder about. 
Jaehyun did not waste the opportunity presented to him, taking just the tiniest of steps closer to you and murmuring behind his glass, “Evening… are you alright?” 
He noticed the way your shoulders were tense, your fidgety gaze around the room, the way you’d kept bringing your glass to your lips but the level of liquid in your glass was barely going down. 
“Please, spare me. I am in no mood for needless bickering tonight,” you huffed, bringing your glass to your lips again to take a small sip. 
Truthfully enough, the ache was back again as you stood in the room filled with chatter and music. The ache of longing for the ability to rid yourself of the façade of the perfect marriage partner that was growing more tiring to uphold. The ache that grew stronger when you conversed with Yuta, feeling as though if you were to enter a marriage with this man, the ache would only intensify. It was dangerous to entertain him in a place like this, because Jaehyun’s presence always seemed to draw you out of this façade. 
“Bickering?” he scoffed, a faint smirk appearing on his lips. 
“Was that not what you approached me for?” you turned to him with a frown, “I suppose the soirée was getting boring for you if you felt the need to take such a drastic measure as to approach me of all people.” 
There you were , he mused. 
Jaehyun shifted another step closer to you, something about his proximity making the conversation between the both of you more obvious, and you could tell from the way your mother was looking at you that it was indeed obvious that you had his attention.
“Oh, not at all. I was hoping I could be reminded what an excellent conversationalist you were,” he drawled, clearly proud of himself judging from the smile playing on his lips. 
You rolled your eyes. “And you suppose you’re any better?” 
“Of course, I am. Anyway, you didn’t answer my question.” 
“You asked me a question? Must not have been worth remembering,” you sighed. 
As much as you felt he annoyed you, you had to admit that it was somewhat relieving not having to be on your ‘best behaviour’ around him. You were sure any chance of marriage would be tossed out of the window if you were to speak in such a manner to Yuta (or any other suitor). 
Jaehyun’s expression grew more serious, eyebrows lifting slightly in concern, “I asked if you were alright.” 
You narrowed your eyes at him, suddenly feeling as exposed as you did that day in the study. It was strange how easily he managed to read into your feelings. You figured you’d been doing a good job at masking it. 
“What does it matter? It’s not like you to be so concerned,” you huffed. 
“So, you’re not alright?” he prompted, earning a shrug from you, looking into your glass as though it held the answer you were both looking for. 
“It doesn’t matter if I’m feeling alright or not, the soirée is not going to end anytime soon,” you danced around his question, hoping the mention of the soirée would redirect his line of questioning. 
He noticed the Rubies that were draped around your neck, something about it feeling off. He much preferred the look of the Amethysts you were wearing before, the first time he’d met you. 
“New necklace?” he quirked an eyebrow at you, earning a grunt in response. 
“A gift,” you muttered, “from Mr Nakamoto.” 
“I see. You still haven’t answered my question,” his tone remained firm, eyebrows furrowed and gaze intent on you. 
You clenched and unclenched your fist, turning to him with your eyebrows furrowed, throat feeling dry as you tried to wrangle your voice awake when you met his gaze, uncomfortable at the way his attentiveness tempted you to pour out your feelings to him. 
“Is this really the reason you approached me? Look, I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again. What does it matter? ” 
Jaehyun was undeterred, meeting you with the same amount of stubbornness and challenge, “It matters because you’re… different. You behaved… differently when you were talking to Mr Nakamoto.” 
“Compared to what? When I’m talking to you?” the words left you quicker than you could process them. 
“Do you not think so?” he retorted just as quickly, tilting his head at you with the confidence that came from knowing the answer without you having to verbalise it. 
You let out a breath you didn’t realise you were holding. 
“Well… there’s no reason for me to act as though I’m trying to impress you.” 
Jaehyun simply huffed in amusement, tilting his glass slightly as he contemplated uttering the thought that came to mind, going for it anyway. 
“Somehow, that impresses me enough.” 
Unsure what to make of his words, you shifted your gaze elsewhere, adjusting your grip on your glass because your palms had started to feel clammy. You remembered wondering what it would’ve been like at the receiving end of his attention, and now that you had it you were finding that even his words seemed capable of sprinkling gold dust on your heart. 
“I didn’t know you could play the piano,” you changed the subject, your body starting to feel warm under your clothes, burning under the intensity of his gaze, wondering if this was how the sheet music must have felt under his gaze. 
“I picked it up when I was younger. Out of all the instruments I've touched, I would say the piano is the one I tend to return to more.” 
“It’s your favourite?” 
He shook his head. 
“What is your favourite, then?” You found yourself asking, genuinely curious this time instead of just a small-talk formality that you usually followed at such events. 
You wouldn’t have known it, but Jaehyun was feeling the same unfamiliarity as you, feeling as though his body was moving before he could process it. He wasn’t used to holding a conversation like this with someone he barely knew, especially when it wasn’t about business or architecture. And for some reason, he couldn’t find it in himself to care about the stares he was receiving as a result of such conversation. 
“The violin,” he admitted almost sheepishly, as if he was embarrassed that he could play an instrument you could only dream of playing. 
Your eyebrows lifted in surprise, gaze wandering to the violin that was perched nearby the piano, after being played by one of the guests when you’d first arrived.
“Why is it your favourite?” 
He hummed, and by now you’d forgotten that Yuta had even promised to return, something in you not being able to find it in yourself to pretend that you were annoyed at Jaehyun’s attention, you truthfully weren’t. For someone as ‘antisocial’ as he was deemed, you found it was comfortable feeling like you didn’t have to present ‘textbook perfect wife’ answers for him. If only your sister could see you now.  
“It was the first instrument I learned as a child… but I moved on to different instruments when I was older because my aunt insisted on me learning other instruments. You know, the more skills, the better. Somehow it’s…” he huffed, amused at his own willingness to share with you, the only person aside from his best friend Johnny that wasn’t keeling over begging to polish the ground he walks on.
It was refreshing, he was realising, to not be treated like he was perfect. 
“It makes me very nostalgic. For that time in my life when there were no worries, you know? When all I had on my mind was the next piece I was eager to ask my tutor to teach me, waiting each day for her to retrieve the sheet music so I could play it until I knew it by heart.” 
Jaehyun continued, “It’s strange, sometimes when I find myself picking up the violin again, it’s like the music just flows out naturally… and I realise I really did know it by heart.” 
You hummed, nodding. 
“Like muscle memory,” you offered, earning a soft smile from him unlike anything you’ve seen before. This one made you feel as though you were catching glimpses of Jaehyun as a child, the little boy whose only worry was for the day the calluses on his fingers would start to disappear.
“Can you play something now?” you weren’t sure what compelled you to ask, but the answer you were met with had surprised you even more. 
“Oh, no no. It’s not… like that,” he huffed, still a hint of sheepishness in the smile that lingered on his features, “I don’t play it that often… rarely. Only when I'm really stressed, if there's too much on my mind.” 
Nodding, you took a fuller sip of your drink, slightly more liberated now that your stomach wasn’t churning like how it was before. 
“Your aunt must’ve really invested a lot of her fortune in your tuition, considering you were tutored for multiple instruments,” you hummed, earning a grunt from him. 
“I suppose she had to, they received too much from my parents each month to not do anything with it,” he sighed, leaning against the bookshelf behind him, turning his head to look at you with tired eyes, “I still remember the way I would look forward to the letters they would send every now and then just to praise me for whatever competition I had won, or whatever certificate I'd achieved.” 
“Do you think it was worth it? All the effort you put in?” you murmured, curious to how he would answer even though you knew you’d be at a loss if the same question was asked to you. Somehow, you felt like his answer would tell you more about him than small talk at balls or promenades would. 
Jaehyun hummed thoughtfully, lips pursing slightly, “That was what love felt like to me back then, the love I felt for music and… their letters, so… do I think it was worth it?” he shrugged, a smile that bordered on bitterness had graced his features, “Do you?” 
Perhaps it was the way you felt like you couldn’t hide under his gaze, or maybe it was the way you felt like he wouldn’t hold your grievances against you. Whatever it was, you found yourself wanting to share with him. And strangely enough, the idea of it had started to scare you less as time went by. 
“My parents were like that too. You know, as the oldest daughter… no news was good news. My duty was to… to not cause worry, to be strong for the family, to take care of my sister, to perform well in all that I did for the family’s sake. For me, it was… like an instruction manual,” you huffed, finding yourself looking to him for affirmation that he understood what you meant, and the knowing smile and nod you received in return made your heart jump in your chest. 
“Do all of this well and you’ll receive your parents’ love. Don’t do it and…” you trailed off, earning a hum from him. 
“Tire yourself out trying and trying again,” he murmured, earning a deep sigh from you. 
Did you think it was worth it? You weren’t sure, but you still found yourself trying nonetheless. 
Jaehyun had succeeded in unlocking a part of you you’d never spoken to anyone about before, and like you said, something about it felt liberating, the solution to your ache starting to feel a little more within reach even if you still weren’t sure what it was. 
“One of my friends, Johnny, has a pretty strong view about this… he says that people are fickle… that we can change based on the slightest of factors…” 
“Your friend sounds a little bitter.” 
The viscount laughed, “Quite the contrary, actually, I think he’s quite the romantic… just overly managing his expectations.” 
“Is that so? What made him have such views, then?” 
The viscount hummed, pressing his lips in a firm line before parting them to speak, “Money, I suppose. How people react to money, how he’s seen it change the way people treat a person. Sometimes, it’s difficult to tell whether a person is enamoured with you or the security your wealth provides. Though, with the way things are, it leaves a woman with no choice but to seek out security first, love being secondary to everything else.” 
You hummed, nodding slowly as you processed his words. 
“Sorry, I interrupted. You were saying?” 
Jaehyun wasn’t sure why that made him smile, choosing to dismiss it and continue anyway, “anyway, his view is that when we’re constantly trying and trying to follow these instruction manuals on ‘How to earn love’... at the end of the day they can hold it over our heads and decide that there are more instructions, more requirements we haven’t met yet… he thinks it isn’t possible.” 
You frowned, “What? To find love?” 
Jaehyun nodded, “Genuine love, I suppose. I guess I understand what he means. Even though more people have been talking about a love match these days, it feels out of reach somehow. People still end up looking at you like a list of instructions, a list of qualifications, weighing who has a list that is easier to meet and going with that.” 
“Do you think yours is difficult to meet?” you found yourself asking, earning a blank look from the viscount. 
“That’s the thing,” he huffed, “People like us… who try and try and are tired of trying… we wish we didn’t have one.” 
Somehow, you felt a certain conviction in your heart, shaking your head at him. 
“Maybe we don’t, and we just haven’t realised that yet.” 
=== 
You hadn’t seen Jaehyun at the next ball, or the next, and he didn’t return to your house for meetings with your father. You figured he was busy, so you tried not to wait. Though the ache persisted, coming and going like waves. With how often you felt it, you assumed you would have grown familiar with it. But in cases like these, the familiarity was unsettling, as if your body was crying out for help that you weren’t able to provide.  
Yuta kept you relatively occupied, sending you flowers regularly, light and bright coloured blooms attached to meanings of affection and purity and fondness, accompanied with letters containing equally flowery words. Though it didn’t keep you occupied enough. 
Time seemed to pass without much of your awareness, the only thing you were aware of being the way the flowers Yuta sent would slowly wither and your sister would replace them with the new bouquets he sent over. You were growing frustrated at Yuta’s perfection, because that demanded perfection from you as well. You would be lying if you said you didn’t miss the liberation that came with your conversations with the viscount. Those were different, demanding honesty instead of perfection, and perhaps, perfection was found in that honesty.  
“I think we can start thinking about discussing marriage with Mr Nakamoto,” your mother turned to murmur as you were having tea with Yuta in the drawing room, the man busy talking to your father about whatever literary piece they found they both enjoyed. 
“Marriage?” you weren’t sure why the prospect seemed so daunting now that your mother had mentioned it, something about her words making you realise that her plans were solidifying and you couldn’t simply continue to play ‘tea party’ with Yuta much longer. 
Your attention was diverted when your sister had entered with a stack of letters in her hand (presumably taken from the staff), her excited gaze meeting yours as she waved a single letter in your direction. 
“Are those my letters?” your mother asked, earning a grunt from your sister. 
“They’re father’s letters,” she informed tersely, making her way over to you and dropping a single letter into your lap, shoving the rest towards your mother in an attempt to distract her. 
The dismayed expression on your mother showed it was somewhat successful, “You know, you really have to fix your manners when it’s your turn to debut,” she began, seeming ready to launch into a tirade of nit-picking towards your sister but you knew nothing could very well escape her watchful eyes when it came to you, eyeing the letter in your hands curiously. 
“What’s that?” 
“Sister’s letter.” 
Your mother’s hand reached out quickly, grasping the letter in your hand and peering over your shoulder to look at it, seeing no indication of a sender other than an elaborate letter ‘J’ imprinted on the seal. 
“J? Do we know anyone with that initial?” 
Your thoughts ran first to Jaehyun, and the look you exchanged with your sister only proved your suspicions correct, though she was quick to cover for you. 
“Johnson, remember? Betty Johnson? Sister’s old friend that moved overseas,” it almost surprised you how smoothly she lied through her teeth when she was never a good liar. You never had a friend with the surname Johnson. 
“Yeah, you wouldn’t have remembered her. I used to play with her and sister outside the church grounds when we were younger,” you added, pleased with how your mother had bought your lie, shrugging as she turned her attention back to her cup of tea. 
“If you’re going to start exchanging letters, don’t expect the money to come from your father and I. We’re already putting more than we can into your dowry,” she muttered, earning a sigh from you as Yuta and your father returned from his study. 
“Shall we promenade?” he offered, and you glanced at your sister before looking back at him, rolled your shoulders back and gave him your sweetest smile. 
Your sister leaned over, pretending to fix your hair so she could lean in to murmur softly, “I’ll put the letter in your notebook.” 
And so you left to promenade with Yuta. 
“Lovely weather, isn’t it?” he smiled, squinting his eyes as he looked up at the sky, with you holding your parasol above your head, simply giving him a small hum. 
“Have any other suitors declared their pursuit of you?” Yuta spoke abruptly, earning a frown from you. 
Shaking your head, you couldn’t find it in yourself to speak, something about your anxiousness swallowing your words. You could almost hear your mother’s voice in your head now, telling you once again to ‘ use your words ’. 
“No, they haven’t,” you managed to force out, earning a solemn nod from Yuta. 
“Really? Not even viscount Jung?” 
Your frown deepened, “What makes you say that?” 
“Nothing in particular… just figured he was the only other person that could have caught your attention this season.” 
You huffed, even Yuta thought of Jaehyun highly. You, on the other hand, couldn’t seem to get the image of the little boy playing the violin out of your mind when you thought of him, something about it was endearing. 
“I hope you don’t mind me asking this, but… do you know the viscount personally by any chance?” 
Somehow your words seemed to have struck a chord with Yuta, his expression turning stoic and his gaze shifting elsewhere. He shook his head, “No, I don’t.” 
“Are you sure? He seemed to find you familiar at the ball—” 
“He must be mistaking me for someone else,” Yuta turned to you with a smile, though the firmness of his tone contrasted the gentleness of his smile. It was enough to deter you from asking any further. With Yuta, you needed to be careful, knowing something as simple as behaving in an ill-mannered way would be enough to make your family’s plans for security and stability fall through. It wasn’t as simple as it seemed with Jaehyun, who was always game for whatever you threw his way.
The mood had turned sour afterwards, the both of you remaining in relative silence (well, other than Yuta’s occasional utterances of praise for your parents) until you were both back at your house, the servant who chaperoned behind the both of you helping to take the parasol from your hands as Yuta got ready to bid you goodbye. 
After he left, it was like your body moved faster than you could process. It was embarrassing , the way you felt like an excited child running up to your room and grabbing the book sitting on your desk, flipping it open and letting Jaehyun’s letter drop out onto your bed. 
Tearing the little envelope open with your finger, you unfolded the letter, catching a whiff of something so unmistakably like Jaehyun that it almost felt like he was in the same room. 
‘Ms Y/N Y/L/N, 
My apologies for disappearing without a word. I needed to leave urgently because of my friend, the one we talked about the other day. His father passed and I’m aiding him with the handover of his father’s business and some of the family property to him, since I was previously closely working with his father for their family’s winery. Perhaps I should be more apologetic for the fact that now social events are sure to be dreadful for you without my presence.’ 
You scoffed, you could almost picture the smirk on his face as he wrote that. 
‘I am unsure when I am to return, but I am sure it will be before the season ends. I suppose now that my friend’s father has passed, he is to be looking for a wife as well, though I doubt it would be easy to convince him to come back with me. With his status now as a Marquess, I suppose many would be eager to coerce him into marrying their daughters if he were to arrive in town. Something he seems very opposed to. 
Again, I hope I have not needlessly worried you with my sudden absence. Though, I suppose my absence would be something that gains rejoicing from you rather than disappointment. Nonetheless, things are rather hectic here. I hoped that in writing to you I could gain some form of entertainment hearing about the progress in the marriage mart that I am unfortunately missing out on. You can write to me, but it will be addressed to my friend’s estate as I am staying here until I leave. I look forward to hearing from you. Do keep safe and in good health. 
-J’ 
“I’d keep that locked up, if I were you,” you jumped at the sound of your sister’s voice behind you, a mischievous smile on her face as she shut the door behind her, crawling onto your bed and making herself comfortable there. 
“So is it official? That he’s courting you seriously?” she asked, and you could see the way her smile fell as you pursed your lips, shaking your head at her. 
Now that you heard her words for yourself, it made you wonder. You expected Jaehyun to be someone meticulous, someone careful, someone who knew exactly what the implications of sending a lady a letter was in this day and age. It made you wonder about the intimacy hidden behind his otherwise mundane updates, and for some reason, it made you long for more. 
“I’m going to write back,” you spoke, more for yourself than for her. 
Her smile grew, “This is a dangerous game you’re playing, sister. I suppose you found he’s worth defending after all?” 
You hummed absently, already pulling out your writing materials to begin writing your response to him. 
“Not quite yet, but something tells me this will be worth it.” 
‘Dear J, 
My condolences for your friend’s father, I can only imagine how overwhelming it is to have all sorts of responsibility thrown at you before you can even process your own grief. Truthfully, I hadn’t noticed your absence’ (you were lying, obviously)
‘Perhaps because things have been hectic here as well. Each day seems to be filled with entertaining Mr Nakamoto and going for promenades. I’m quite tired of all the walking, to be very honest. 
The mention of your friend made me think of what you said that day at the soirée, about finding genuine love in a world where marriage is an economic proposition. I find myself searching sometimes, even though I know my efforts are probably in vain. I know the reason I have been entertaining Mr Nakamoto is not because I’m attracted to him. It is like what you said, I find myself seeing him more as his list of instructions, and what that demands of mine. Then, I find myself drawn back to my duty as the first daughter of my family, drawn back to the need to secure some sort of relief or security for my family. By then, there is no thought of finding love in a marriage partner, only the transaction of it all. Still, there is a part of me that wonders how different the whole process would be if I truly loved my partner, how much less it would feel like a game and more like life. 
I am only asking because I have not seen you dance with anyone at the events so far. I suppose you are either picky or disinterested. But just out of curiosity, do you think it’s possible? For you, I mean, to find genuine love this season? 
I hope this proves as entertaining as you wished for it to be, I won’t apologise even if it ends up disappointing you. 
From, me’ 
=== 
‘Ms Y/N Y/L/N,
Thank you for your concern. My friend is doing much better now, and I hope this means the chances of him returning with me have increased. I would like for you to meet him, something tells me he would get along well with your sister, they both seem to have a penchant for the arts. 
To answer your question, I believe it is possible. Whether it is wise of me to think so, or whether it is wishful thinking… that remains undecided. But I cannot be sure. Personally, I have not come across such love where you are seen for all that you are and still loved, but I would like to believe it exists. Whether I am able to find it this season or not, believing it exists makes it feel more like life, like you said. 
With that being said, I do wish the same for you, as much as you may not believe me. More than just promenades, answers from manuals, accomplishments and duties, but life. Sure, duties are important, family is important. But in my honest opinion, I don’t think fulfilling your duties should mean sacrificing your happiness, especially when it isn’t very well your duty at all, but that of others projected onto you. Perhaps I would get stoned by your mother if I said so, but I mean it.
I have to be going now, but I can guarantee that I will be back soon. Perhaps in less than a month’s time you will find yourself bickering with me at the corner of a rich woman’s house again. Do keep safe and in good health. 
-J’ 
You should’ve trusted the nauseous feeling in your gut when you saw Yuta arrive at your house that morning, having arranged a private meeting with your parents and leaving promptly after. There could have only been one reason behind it, and it worried you. Again, the ache intensified, feeling as though it would only solidify if your suspicions were proved correct. 
It was during teatime when your mother finally addressed the elephant in the room. 
“Your father and I are keen on you proceeding with Mr Nakamoto,” she spoke plainly, your hand halting around the handle of your teacup.
“Huh?” as pathetic as it was, was all you could muster. 
“Weighing your potential suitors, Mr Nakamoto brings the most stability. He has property, he is of a suitable age, he has wealth, he is personable. He seems prudent,” she lifted her gaze from her teacup to glance at you, just the slightest of frowns as she met your wide-eyed expression. 
You knew this, yet you weren’t sure why it shocked you to hear it verbalised so forwardly. 
“I’m sure you have no complaints,” it came more as a warning instead of an assumption, enough to make your throat feel dry and your voice start to retreat, “you can expect him to propose soon, so I expect you to be on your best behaviour. The family’s reputation depends on your response.” 
You thought back to Jaehyun’s words. If you were to reject Yuta’s proposal, would that make you wise or foolish? You knew what was riding on this decision. If you were to reject him, you would retain a little bit of your freedom, but you would damage your reputation. It wasn’t exactly ideal to be regarded as a jilt, much less to a man like Mr Nakamoto, who had many women in your town lining up for him. Weighing your other potential suitors, you weren’t sure if being married to a man older than your father was a better option. 
Almost unconsciously, your thoughts wandered to Jaehyun, the feelings you associated with him— or more accurately, how different these feelings were from the ones you associated with Yuta. 
It was starting to make you anxious, you realised that as you exchanged letters with him for a while now, he had grown on you more than you realised. The way you felt at the receiving end of his attentiveness. The way he seemed to read into your signals and cues and meet you where you were without expecting you to be perfect. The way he made you hopeful that you could find love… and perhaps wishful that you could find it in him. 
You were anxious, because when you thought of Jaehyun, what was coming to mind wasn’t his credentials, his wealth, his family, or his status. But rather, it was him , the blunt yet gentle, aloof yet attentive, hardened yet tender-hearted person that he was. 
You were anxious, because even as you were being told about your perfect prospect of marriage, you found that you only ached for him ; the man who was maybe a stranger to your textbook gentleman, but not a stranger to you. 
You took in a deep breath, setting your teacup down with shaky hands, standing up and letting out the breath you were holding. 
Use your words.
“I’m not feeling too well,” you murmured softly enough that you knew your voice wouldn’t give way, “please, excuse me.” 
You struggled up the stairs, finding it difficult to focus on anything other than the way your heart was pounding and your head was starting to spin. Eventually, you found yourself at your desk, writing materials ready and already finding yourself addressing the only person you could think of at this moment. 
‘Dear J, 
My parents have been talking to me about pursuing a marriage with Mr Nakamoto, and in the position that I am, I am inclined to accept.’ 
=== 
This time, you didn’t receive a reply from Jaehyun. Previous times, you could always be sure that his reply would not take longer than a week. But this time was different, as the flowers Yuta continued to send withered and were replaced, there was no news of any mail for you. Even your sister was starting to grow concerned at the way things were going, starting to display Yuta’s flowers in places you wouldn’t pass as often when you were going about your daily routine. But you noticed, the flowers Yuta gave you were always light, bright colours in delicate blooms; nothing like the bigger blooms your sister tended to get. 
The waiting was the worst this time, and you knew why. It was different this time, knowing you were anticipating his reply for different reasons. You couldn’t hide behind boredom, or curiosity as to how he would respond to your questions and words. This time your anticipation lay in hope, in your ache, and that was the worst kind of anticipation for you. Girls like you couldn’t hope, you had far too many responsibilities. You needed to be pragmatic, realistic, practical. There was no room for hope in your heart, yet you found that it was all you were doing these days. 
Hoping that wherever he was, he was safe. Hoping that wherever he was, there wasn’t a perfect girl who was discovering if his touch could turn her worries into gold. Hoping that wherever he was, he was thinking of you. 
You hoped it wasn’t too late. 
The longer you waited, the more foolish you felt. Pouring your heart out to him in your letters like that when there was no real guarantee that he would feel the same way, when there was no real guarantee that he would take Yuta’s place. 
As conversations about responsibilities, about being a good wife to Yuta had started to intensify, you gave yourself no choice but to bottle up the anxiety you felt, directing it inwards till you felt it start to take a toll on your mind.
There was a knock at your door before the door opened with a soft click, seeing your sister walk in carrying a vase containing new flowers, white lilies that filled your room with a scent that comforted you just slightly in your fatigue.
Setting the vase down carefully, your sister turned, stopping in her tracks when she realised you were awake, the slightest of frowns on her features, “Sorry, I hope I didn’t wake you.” 
You shook your head, a sigh leaving you as you stretched your arms over your head, “I was already awake a long time ago, don’t worry.”  
Padding over to your bed to take a seat next to your legs, her body angled towards you and her hand smoothing over the blanket that covered you, her gaze scanned your appearance. 
“Still nothing?” You asked, earning a small sigh from her. 
“Nothing,” she shook her head. Pausing, she shook her head, “maybe the letters just got lost in the mail?” 
You let out a sigh through your nose, shifting your gaze to the Lilies perched next to your window, the light seeping through the glass making you almost dread the day that was to come. Another day spent waiting. 
“I would like to believe that, but I've sent far too many letters to him to believe that,” you murmured, “perhaps it was foolish of me, you know?” 
Her frown deepened, “What was?” 
“Thinking that I could actually find a love match. Thinking that I could develop an affection for the viscount and remain unscathed,” you huffed, bitterness laced in your words that left an unpleasant aftertaste in your mouth.   
Your sister hummed, “Do you think it is the affection you feel for him that is what is hurting you? Or the absence of this affection for Mr Nakamoto?” 
There it was again, the wave that washed over you and forced you into sobriety, the ache for the rest that went beyond physical things that you were starting to give up trying to satisfy. You supposed when push comes to shove, you would find something to love in Yuta, you would simply have to. 
“It’s been more than a month, sister. I cannot… I cannot afford to wait for him much longer. I cannot afford to keep avoiding Mr Nakamoto.” 
She sighed, “I know. Father has been meeting him to discuss your marriage arrangement for a while now.” 
Somehow, that was enough to solidify your decision for you, as reluctant as you were. Saying yes to Yuta’s proposal… perhaps it would be a wise decision in your trying and trying to earn the affections of your father. It would be wise for you to do what is pleasing to your family. It would be wise for you to be obedient, to continue to be dependable for them. 
You heard the click of the lock, the door opening to reveal your mother, “Mr Nakamoto is here, dear. He has requested a private audience with you.” 
Exchanging a knowing look with your sister, you nodded. 
“Give me a moment to make myself presentable. I shall be down shortly,” you murmured, seeing your sister still wearing that same look of concern as you got out of bed, your mother leaving and shutting the door. 
Getting ready, you stared yourself down in the mirror, glancing between yourself and the sight of your sister behind you on your bed, a now unreadable expression on her face. 
“I’m not going to refuse when he asks,” you murmured, more for yourself than for her. 
Perhaps she knew this, because the nod she gave you was all you needed to give you the little bit of conviction that you would go through with this, for your family’s sake. 
=== 
Perfection was subjective, you knew this now. You knew it for a fact as you lay in bed, your head spinning and your heart feeling heavy, a week since Yuta had left town for business after your engagement. 
The stress of it all was getting to you, the ache in your heart for rest, the ache to not have to be ‘on’ and be present to all the people and things that demanded your attention, the pressure you were putting on yourself to be the person your parents expected you to be, or maybe who you expected yourself to be, the ache to be able to depend on someone other than yourself. 
You couldn’t even shake the fact that you were still wondering about Jaehyun, the last bit of desperation in you used to hope that he would return soon. It was amusing, considering that his return would probably be worse because you were already betrothed to another man. Somehow, you were still eager to write to him, asking your sister to help to pen down your messages because you were too weak to get out of bed. At least when you did this, you could say you still tried at the end of the day, because trying was what you were familiar with. 
You could barely get yourself out of bed, wanting nothing more than to sleep away your days as you waited for Yuta to return, for him to seal your fate with your marriage. Each day, your sister would come in and attempt to get you to eat, but you couldn’t find it in you to have an appetite, simply eating a few bites to appease her before you were allowed to sleep the time away before your next meal. 
Little did you know that your waiting for Yuta was in vain. 
Jaehyun almost thought he was hallucinating when he heard the sound of a familiar laughter echoing a few tables away from him at the bar he was at with Johnny.  “Do you recognise him?” Johnny asked, evident disdain in his tone and the pointedness of his glare, earning a confused look from Jaehyun. 
“Who?” 
“That man over there, the conman, Nakamoto Yuta? was his name if i recall correctly,” Johnny gestured with his head to the source of the laughter, Jaehyun’s eyes narrowing when he realised that the man sitting at that table was very much familiar, and very much Yuta. 
“Conman?” Jaehyun murmured, a sinking feeling in his stomach as he observed the woman next to him, the Rubies she adorned on her neck identical to the ones he saw you wearing at the soirée. 
Johnny nodded, using his finger to trace the mouth of his glass, “I recognise him from my time in Paris. You see the woman next to him? Remember how I told you Rubies were popular among the women there?” Johnny gestured to his neck, “It took me a while, but I realised it was only because that was his trademark. Like a branding for the women he was set on cheating for their money in exchange for his affection.” 
Jaehyun frowned. Did that make you one of Yuta’s targets, then?
“Are you familiar with his methods?” 
“Too familiar, I wish I wasn’t,” Johnny sighed, “He tried the same thing on my cousin. You know, all these young girls looking for the perfect husband. He paints himself out to be little less than a saint, and they eat it up. The prince charming that came to sweep them off their feet when in actual fact his occupation is never revealed, his life is a series of carefully constructed lies that differ depending on who he’s talking to… he strung my cousin along for ages, doing ‘business dealings’ with my uncle that landed him in debt that my father had to pay off.” 
“And your cousin?” 
Johnny knocked back the rest of the alcohol in his glass, “Heartbroken, obviously. Once he had his fill of her and her family’s money he left without a single warning.” 
“Couldn’t you file a suit against him for that?” Jaehyun’s mind was racing with questions, with a growing worry for you, especially since the last letter he’d received from you was talking about your likely marriage to Yuta.
“And what about the women? Wouldn’t they have warned each other by now? Isn’t it obvious when everyone’s receiving the same thing—the Rubies and flowers and all—from him?” Jaehyun continued, earning a deep sigh from Johnny. 
“That’s the thing. She was too in love with him by then, she insisted that we couldn’t go after him. Plus, by the time he was done with them, they didn’t have enough money to file a suit even if they wanted to.”
“I mean, who wouldn’t want to be the centre of attention of a doting, romantic, young , attractive young man?” Johnny let out a bitter laugh, “You of all people should know it’s all business. When someone like Yuta comes along, he brings the fantasy of a desirable love match with him. It was never about what they were receiving, but who they were receiving it from. The perfect prince charming he made himself out to be.” 
Johnny glanced over at Yuta with a sigh before raising his hand to catch the server’s attention to order another drink. 
At Jaehyun’s lack of a response, Johnny noticed his friend’s face paling, his gaze fixed on the table looking deep in thought, “What’s wrong? Are you feeling sick?” 
“The girl,” Jaehyun rasped, clearing his throat and blinking his eyes harshly, “the one I sent the letter to…” 
“Yeah? Didn’t you say she was getting engaged?” Johnny hummed, earning a grim nod from Jaehyun. 
“It was supposed to be to him .” 
Johnny’s lips parted, exchanging a knowing look with Jaehyun. He wasn’t daft, he knew Jaehyun’s affections for this girl ran deep, deeper than he let on. 
“I… I need to go back,” he said finally, “I hope you can understand.” 
At this, Johnny let out a laugh, an incredulous look on his face. 
“Finally! I was wondering when you’d come to your senses.”
“Huh?” Jaehyun’s stare was blank, confusion written all over his face. 
“ I’m not the one keeping you here… I think we both know that,” Johnny spoke slowly, nodding at Jaehyun, the latter who was already trying to form a mental estimate of how long it would take him to get to you. 
“God, I feel so…”
“Foolish?” Johnny offered with a smile, earning a glare from Jaehyun. 
“I can’t believe I was going to sit here and do nothing while she gets cheated by that man,” Jaehyun brought a hand up to wipe his face harshly. 
Taking a sip of his drink, Johnny huffed, “Want me to hit him for you?” 
Jaehyun scoffed, “Not if I get to him first.”
“I’ll tell them to prepare your carriage for tomorrow morning, you’ll be back in three days at most,” Johnny spoke calmly, amusement still lingering in his smile as he observed Jaehyun’s lost expression, the viscount seeming too blinded by the rage he felt towards Yuta to think clearly. 
Johnny grunted, waving his hands in dismissal, “Don’t waste your time with him, go to your girl first.”  
Jaehyun wasn’t sure what he was picturing when he imagined returning to you. He got your letters, every single one of them. He read every word to the point where he was sure he knew them by heart. Your letters told him about the town, about who had gotten engaged, gossip from the flower market, about the weather, the balls you attended. From the letters alone, he would have figured you were doing perfectly fine. 
What he hadn’t expected was to have your sister answer the door and look at him as though he’d grown a second head. 
“My parents aren’t here,” you informed before he could greet you, earning a huff from him. 
“Sorry for uh… for paying such an unexpected visit, but… I was wondering if I could see your sister?” 
Your sister thought to you, lying in bed grieving the loss of a future she dreamed of, wondering if the viscount’s presence here would put an end to that grief. 
“She’s… sick.” 
Jaehyun’s eyebrows furrowed, “Sick? With what?” 
“Heartbreak, I suppose,” your sister replied tersely, giving him a pointed stare, unsure what to make of Jaehyun’s intentions. 
Jaehyun’s eyebrows lifted, his thoughts immediately going to Yuta and feeling himself start to bubble with the same rage and concern that brought him here. Most of all, love. 
“You can stay here, I’ll check if she’s willing to see you,” she spoke, still eyeing him cautiously as she led Jaehyun into the house, stopping him at the stairwell as she made her way to your room. 
“Sister,” she knocked on the door, opening it and peeping her head in, whispering harshly with wild eyes, “The viscount is here!” 
Your head snapped up from your pillow abruptly, only to fall back onto your pillow in immediate regret as it throbbed and pounded. Your headache was torturing you, but for Jaehyun, you supposed you were willing to brave through it. 
“Okay. He can come up, but you have to stay in the room with us,” you said as firmly as you could. 
Your sister hummed, turning to leave the room. 
“Not unless he requests a private audience…” she murmured lowly, earning a glare from you (futile as it was, since she’d already left the room). 
Jaehyun was more than impatient to see you, but the sight of you tucked under the covers of your bed, a cloth and small basin next to your bedside and the cold sweat on your face made his heart ache. 
He wasn’t sure how to place himself as he entered the room, choosing to stand in front of the side of your bed you were facing, his lips curling ever so slightly in amusement when you had turned your body to face away from him. 
“What happened to you?” his voice came out almost breathless, with traces of exasperation. 
You didn’t want to open your eyes and look at him, you didn’t think your resolve would last if you could see the look of concern and frustration on his face he held now. 
“Nothing,” you murmured. So much for ‘using your words’. 
“Stress,” your sister cut in, earning a sigh from Jaehyun. 
“I came because… I wanted to warn you,” Jaehyun almost winced, his words not coming out how he’d planned. 
“ To warn me? ” your tone was strong even in your weakness, “not because you promised you would come back?” 
Jaehyun shook his head, “I… look, you can’t go ahead with the engagement with Mr Nakamoto.” 
You frowned. 
“And what makes you think you can tell me what to do about my future?” 
Jaehyun was growing frustrated now, “I’m not, but even if I was, I wouldn’t be the first one telling you what to do with your future,” he said pointedly. 
“Why are you meddling? I never asked you to get involved,” you felt like a stubborn child, but you were more upset at the fact that it was him of all people, advising you not to marry Yuta. 
You supposed that was what you wanted when you’d sent him that letter, but a very belated form of it, showing up in front of you now. 
“My apologies, I did not ask for your permission,” he scoffed, “that isn’t the issue here, Ms Y/L/N, you cannot proceed with this engagement.” 
“Perhaps your warning would be of more use if you’d sent it sooner in a letter,” you huffed. 
You knew this was the sulky side of you speaking now, but it was the truth. Did he think he could simply waltz into your bedroom after months of silence, tell you not to marry the man you were engaged to and expect you to comply graciously? 
“I don’t need your help with my marriage.” 
“Marriage?” 
Your sister wanted to avert her gaze, the tension in the room growing thicker by the minute, but it was impossible to look away, with the viscount looking unlike she could ever imagine seeing him. Desperate, frustrated, emotional . Nothing like anyone knew him to be. 
“We’re already engaged,” you murmured, as if reluctant to solidify the truth by speaking it into existence. 
“Besides, like I said. If I needed your… interference—”
“Help,” he corrected, earning an eye roll from you (not that he could see it, your eyes still being closed). 
“Fine, help. If I needed it, I would have asked.” 
“Is help only given when it is needed?” 
You huffed, the bubbling of frustration within your chest growing stronger as you called to mind your emotions for the past few months. 
“It definitely seems to be otherwise when it’s coming from you. Needed or not, I’d rather not have your help at all,” you forced your eyes open, immediately regretting it when you turned your head to meet his gaze. 
Desperate, frustrated, emotional. 
“You don’t mean that, I’m trying to warn you. You don’t know what kind of man he truly is.” 
"Consider me warned,” your gaze was as firm as you could muster, not finding any reason to withdraw when it came to Jaehyun. This was yourself, in all that you were feeling. 
“Don't patronise me. You don’t know what he’s capable of.” You almost faltered, almost . A small nagging fear started to creep up on you, telling you that you’ve made a grave mistake with Yuta. 
“And you do?” you asked, slowly shifting yourself so you could see him better, unsure if you were being spiteful or curious now, maybe both. 
“Better than you, it seems,” he huffed, taking a step closer to your bed, your sister pressing herself against the wall as if that would help the tension in the room, shifting her weight from foot to foot as she watched the dynamic between you and Jaehyun unfold. 
It was nothing compared to how she saw you and Yuta interact, but something about this was interesting. It was like the both of you were simply hiding behind your true feelings, masking it with frustration and beating around the bush, focusing on unimportant details because you were both too afraid to be the first one to reveal your heart. 
“And where is this understanding coming from?"
Jaehyun visibly hesitated, sighing before he told you the truth, "Johnny and I saw him when we were travelling." 
“Johnny?” you frowned, “Oh, you mean the marquess that dares not show his face in this town?” 
Again, the focus on unnecessary details to prolong the time before you had to finally face up to what you really wanted to hear and say. 
“His title is not who he is,” was all Jaehyun could muster, feeling the tension in the room as he continued to hold your gaze. 
“And by that same logic, I can say you don’t know my partner any better than I do,” you shrugged, the words sounding unfamiliar even as you said it. 
That seemed to strike a nerve with Jaehyun, his tone rising slightly in his urgency and frustration. 
“Would you stop calling him that? He’s not going to come back! You know why—?” 
“What would you rather me call him then? My husband-to-be ?” 
“—he’s too busy conning and cheating people like your parents in other towns for money now. Your family is going to be left in debt because of that man.” Though Jaehyun wasn’t shouting, his tone was filled with such urgency, such firmness, that he might as well have been. The implication of his words echoed louder than anything, louder than the sound of your heart picking up speed. 
Your silence spoke for you, feeling as though a large wave had just washed over you and pulled you under. Your heart continued to thump quickly as you struggled to regain your bearings, as you struggled to gain control over yourself. Only one thought rang in your head, your mother had already given Yuta your dowry before he disappeared. 
You glanced at your sister, her debut would need to be delayed now. Your family couldn’t afford to muster up another dowry so soon, not when you hadn’t gotten married yet. 
“Now do you understand why I needed to come and warn you?” his tone softened, and without realising he began to make his way closer to you, daring himself to look closely at you in your shock, processing what he was feeling at the sight of it. Which, at the moment, could only be described as wanting to pull you out from under the waves, to dive in and look for you so he could bring you to the surface. 
“I cannot—” he stopped himself, shaking his head, “I will not watch you let yourself be humiliated, waiting for that… that liar ." 
Something in your gaze was hurt, vulnerable as you looked at him, wondering how he could say such words with such confidence when he was the one you were waiting for this whole time. 
“I am not a stranger to waiting, you of all people should know that very well,” you said. 
Jaehyun’s expression softened, still brushing aside what he wanted to say to you, his thoughts focused on how you must be feeling to find out you’ve just been conned by your fiancé. 
“Why do you think I came here?” he asked, and the reminder that his purpose here was to warn you and not for other reasons was a bitter pill to swallow, so this bitterness showed in your response. 
“In hopes to annoy me to death, perhaps.” 
At his lack of a response, you frowned, “…. Why aren’t you saying anything? I expected a witty remark by now.”
What you didn’t expect was for Jaehyun to sigh, something in his expression akin to tenderness, which didn’t make sense to you at the moment. But it was a very tenderness that you always wondered about, what he reserved it for, how it would show, how it would feel. It seems all of those questions were answered now as you looked at him. 
“Where do you think that man is? Right now, while you’re in this condition. Where do you think this man that you’re set on marrying will be after hearing of your sickness?” His tongue peeked out to wet his lips, though even if your attention was momentarily diverted, nothing could tear it away from his gaze. As though he had a million things to say to you, hidden inside of him, and you were only catching glimpses of it through his eyes. Yet they still managed to be gleaming, twinkling, pulling you out from under the waves. 
“Yet here you are… destroying yourself for somebody who is incapable of loving you in the way you deserve,” he spoke almost bitterly, and the (not so) little hope within you had begun to surface again. Courage to make your feelings known, and hope that they would be received. 
Jaehyun let his gaze shift to the way your hand lay on top of your covers, holding the fabric close to yourself for some sense of comfort. It surprised him, the way he wished he could hold you, to embrace you in his own comfort. The thought came naturally to him, as if that was his body’s natural response, to want you to be able to receive that from him and for him to give his love and affection freely to you. 
“I’m sorry, I know it must be a lot to process. He had me believing his act too, I… should’ve asked Johnny sooner, if I did then you would not have to face such grief now—” 
“It’s not about him,” you spoke, hoping your voice wasn’t quivering with how you were on the brink of tears, frustrated that you couldn’t tell what he felt for you even now, but filled with hope that you were sure you couldn’t hold your feelings within you much longer, “it was never about waiting for him, or… grieving for the loss of him .” 
Jaehyun fell silent, lips parted slightly in shock as he held your gaze, your pleading eyes meeting his. 
“Do you really think all these months have been for that man?” 
“I wrote to you endlessly ,” your frown deepened, the ache in your heart worsening when you saw the way Jaehyun’s gaze softened, moving closer to you but stopping himself with evident restraint before he could get too close, “even when I could barely move myself out of my room the only thought on my mind was that I needed my words to reach you somehow, I needed some part of me to reach you… somehow.” 
Your vision blurred, making you blink harshly. The fact that you couldn’t see him clearly behind your tears disconcerted you, “What else was I supposed to think when I didn’t hear back? What other choice did I have?”
Jaehyun paused, remembering your sister’s presence in the room, deciding that now would be the time where he stops dancing around the reason why he truly came back to see you. 
“May I…” he turned to face your sister, “have the honour of a private audience with your sister?” 
Her eyes widened, fighting the smile that threatened to show on her face as she gave you a knowing look, averting her gaze as her hand came up to cover her mouth, nodding. Gesturing a hand to you, she already began leaving the room, “Of course, of course. By all means.” 
“As much as you may think I hate you, or…  am here to meddle in your life or annoy you… I don’t like seeing you like this. I do not wish to see you in pain,” he let out a sigh through his nose, taking another step closer to your bed, daring himself to take a seat next to your legs, his body moving naturally as though this was what it meant to simply allow himself to be. Like muscle memory. 
You huffed, “I’ve always been good at masking it, I suppose.” 
He shook his head, displeased, “Or nobody has bothered asking if you needed to be relieved.” 
“I’m sorry I did not write back to you. I just… in retrospect now I realise it was foolish of me but…  from all your letters I just assumed,” he brought a hand up to run through his hair in frustration, “I assumed you were perfectly fine with Yuta. I had no right coming back and disrupting that, as much as I wanted to.” 
“Believe me, I wanted to,” he huffed, “and it surprised me because, well, it was strange. It felt like you were seeing me for who I was… as if I was known for more than my wealth, my appearance, for everything in myself that was not perfect. But with you, it wasn't a matter of having to try to earn love, but to re-learn what love is, what it feels like.” 
Your throat felt dry, something about his honesty making the ache in your heart grow, feeling as though what you sought to satisfy this ache was within reach, yet still at a loss for what it was that you desired.
"I did not know how to convey that in my letters. No words were enough, nothing... nothing was quite satisfying enough in expressing what I wanted to say to you. The thought of hiding what I felt beneath enquiries about the weather or about Mr Nakamoto made me sick to my stomach. That kind of intimacy that I felt when I was with you... It scared me because it only made me wish for more. I didn't think it was what you wanted."
“I thought that I could just separate myself from the situation, to resolve it that way before it could hurt me, but it was only when I saw that man when I was with Johnny that I realised,” his gaze flickered between your eyes and his hands, returning to your eyes and meeting you with that same hope. 
Hope that gleamed, twinkled, that was not rooted in fear but in love. 
“You deserved more than him, the love that you allowed me to discover was very much possible… the love you deserve. It would hurt me more if I had to watch you forgo that for the sake of others.” 
Use your words. 
“What do you suppose is this love that I deserve?” you dared to ask, somehow the use of your words did not feel as manipulative as it always did, it did not feel like you were trying to hide behind them this time, but to let your heart be known through them. 
Jaehyun remained firm, and this conviction was enough to make you feel like you were slowly being lifted up to the surface of the water, the light seeping through the water making your surroundings feel brighter. 
“... a love that remains forever.” 
You weren’t sure if you were breathing, feeling the water get lighter as you followed the light from his eyes. 
“And you suppose that is within reach for me?” your voice was barely above a murmur. 
Jaehyun nodded, the hint of desperation lingering in his tone, “I promise you, it is within reach.” 
“You cannot promise me a forever and not give it to me.” 
There was a hint of amusement in Jaehyun’s gaze, the slightest of smiles on his face at your response. He wished you would remain this way, unafraid to use your voice with him, unafraid to assert yourself, to allow him to see, know and love you for who you are. 
“I would not have mentioned it if I were not ready to give it to you at this very moment.” 
Your lips parted slightly, “How do you suppose you will do that?” 
Jaehyun wore the tell-tale expression that let you know he thought of something that either pleased or amused him, as if waiting for the right timing to say his smart line with a smug tone. 
“By… asking you to marry me.” 
If you thought his eyes gleamed and twinkled before, the smile that he wore when he saw the sheer relief grace your features. The feeling of being pulled above the surface of the water. 
“It’s not too much to ask, just… be with me. Depend on someone other than yourself for a change.” 
“My Lord, you know—” you began, turning your head abruptly and immediately regretting your sudden movements, your head beginning to throb even more. Jaehyun shocked you with the way he adjusted your pillow, helping you to lower your head back down onto the pillow carefully, smoothing your hair away from where it stuck to your face from your cold sweat. 
“I want you to,” he nodded. 
It was strange, being told that someone wanted you to depend on them when you were always used to being the one who was depended on. Instead of promising you gold, he was promising you the warmth of it, the value of it. Not the ‘Midas touch’ that took life away from things, but one that brought light and hope. 
You wanted this . Not your long, tedious game, but the life he was offering you, a life of love, love even in imperfection, love that brought with it rest, love that was a state and not something to earn. 
You nodded, “I want to…” your body felt warm under his touch, your gaze following his movements as he picked up the cloth draped over the small basin next to your bedside, wringing the cloth after wetting it and using it to dab the sweat from your face and neck. 
You felt as though you weren’t breathing, a wave of emotion rushing through you at the feeling of being under his care. It was as though he was removing the little bandage you used to cover the ache that you felt, replacing it with a bandage that fit, one that wrapped around the ache instead of just trying to suppress it. 
“I want to marry you,” was all you could muster, Jaehyun letting out a huff of amusement as he set the cloth aside, his left hand moving to your face, letting the pads of his fingertips trace the side of your face before letting his thumb smooth over your cheek gently. It was unmistakable, the feel of the calluses on his fingertips from what you assumed was his recent playing of the violin. 
“Does my presence have that much of an effect on you?” he drawled, smugness laced in his tone as he brought you back to your exchange in your father’s study. His gaze flickering to your lips just briefly, making your heart skip in a way you’d never experienced before.  
You rolled your eyes with affection, this time not feeling the need to ‘use your words’ to hide once again. 
“Perhaps it does.” 
=== 
‘My forever only, Time and time again, I am reminded that I was foolish to think I could live the rest of my life without you when a day that passes by when I am not with you is filled with a longing I cannot imagine I could ever grow comfortable with, much less befriend. 
Back then, I was used to being all alone. I found this solitude to be a companion, though loneliness is never a good lover. The sky gets ethereal for the things no longer living in chains. You allowed me to come to know what that truly meant, what it truly felt like. Love given freely is all I have to offer you, so I hope you’ll have me. 
My love, I have not stopped thinking of the way you look at me, and each time I awake I find myself waiting for when I may be under your gaze again. The thought lingers before I am with you, filling me with an inexplicable feeling of love that refuses to leave even when we part. Forever sounds daunting but when I envision a forever of this love that you meet me with in your eyes, your smile, your presence, it becomes a boundless sea I wish to swim in for as long as my spirit exists. 
All I ask of you, all I want is having you in my day. To keep you in safety, health, and love.
- J, your forever only.’ 
“Do you remember what was discussed?” 
You were drawn from your thoughts, your sister handing you the bouquet of dark red roses as you started walking. 
What did you discuss? 
Right. 
Be yourself. You felt the crunch of cobblestone beneath your feet as you made your way with your sister to the church. You are allowed to launch into unrelated discourses out of panic. You fixed your gloves so they fit comfortably around your hands and arms. Have good manners, unless provoked. You could hear your sister humming to the piano piece she’d been practising that morning. You are safe to express yourself. With the sound of her humming, the rustling of the big trees overhead and the wind caressing your face gently comforted you. 
Reaching the doors of the chapel, you spotted your father who awaited you, though you couldn’t focus on anything else once the doors opened, your gaze immediately finding the man who stood at the altar, a smile adorning his face once he met your gaze. A wave of clarity washed over you; you felt peaceful. 
There he was, not a marriage partner, not an economic proposer . 
Jaehyun, your love match. 
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yutaslaugh · 23 days
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JAEHYUN | FASTER & 2 BADDIES STAGES
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ocasitos · 9 months
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⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀𓇼 ๋ ᳸ ۪ ◌ * ˙ᘧ ͜ ˙
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fairymiese · 10 months
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You and i, ridin' Harleys in Hawaii
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allaboutthedongs · 1 month
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Jaehyun's multiverse continues, Jaehyun as Leon Kennedy from "Resident Evil" 🥴
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writemekpop · 5 months
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Rendezvous | Jung Jaehyun
Summary: You and Jaehyun go on a sexy weekend getaway in Milan. Sparks fly...
Genre: Established relationship AU, New parents AU, domestic bliss, suggestive
Word Count: 0.7k
A/N: We’re taking a quick break from the 5K series to post this because who can resist a gorgeous Jaehyun?
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“We’re so naughty… abandoning our kids for a weekend in Milan!”  
Jaehyun’s fingers played with yours on the table, but his glittering gaze never left your eyes. 
“Am I a bad mother for saying I don’t really miss them?”
Jaehyun laughed, deep dimples appearing on his smooth cheeks. “Am I a bad father for saying… me neither?” 
Jaehyun’s hair was ruffled by the summer breeze, and his cheeks were stained red thanks to all the wine. He looked the happiest you’d seen him in a while.
“Italy looks good on you, papi.”
Jaehyun raised your hand to his lips, closing his eyes and inhaling deeply. “Talk to me like that and it’s straight back to the hotel - screw sightseeing.” 
Your heart started to race. “I… want you. I can’t wait a minute longer.” 
Jaehyun flung his napkin across the table. “What do you say we make a run for it?” 
“Without paying? Jae, what has gotten into you?”  
Jaehyun grinned, already sweeping his jacket under one arm. “Must be something in the water. Come on, gorgeous, let’s go.” 
Then, Jaehyun was pulling you out of your seat and practically lifting you to the door. Before you knew it, you were running hand in hand down a cobblestone street. 
When you finally made it back to your hotel, you were both panting. 
You clutched your chest. “God, that was more physical activity than I’ve done in months.”
“Are you up for some more physical activity… in the bedroom?” He waggled his eyebrows. 
“Subtle!” You were laughing, but you knew there was no way you could resist your husband. Especially not with his body all tanned and glistening with sweat.   
You barely got the hotel room door closed before you were all over each other. 
Jaehyun’s hands roamed over your body as he kissed you, tugging at the straps of your summer dress. His scent - red wine and hazelnut - was driving you crazy. 
You trailed your hands down Jaehyun’s chiselled chest and pushed hard, sending him tumbling onto the mattress. 
“Easy tiger!” 
Jaehyun’s fringe was a mess, and he looked up at you with pleasantly surprised, gleaming eyes. You could tell the tall, strong man wasn’t too used to being thrown around. 
You growled playfully. “You love it.” 
Jaehyun grinned – but his gaze was different now, darker. He knew you meant business.  “That I do.” 
Winking, you straddled his waist and brought your lips to his. 
Afterwards, you and Jaehyun were sprawled out on the bed. You were both completely naked. 
You were lying with your head on Jaehyun’s chest, listening to the calming rhythm of his heart. That steady heartbeat seemed like the universe’s way of saying everything was alright. Reminding you that you were safe and loved. 
Jaehyun stroked your back absent-mindedly, his eyes half shut. 
“We really needed this trip. Don’t get me wrong. I’m cool with your brother staying with us, but I miss having my wife all to myself.” 
You nodded.
“I’m so glad he’s finally got a job and moving out.”
At that, you sat up, and turned to face Jaehyun. “About that…” You bit your lip.
“What is it?” Jaehyun said. He tucked a curl of hair behind your ear, and pushed the rest your hair that was covering your chest over your shoulders.
“So… he may have gotten fired from his new job…”
But Jaehyun wasn’t listening. He was too busy staring at your newly exposed chest. 
“And he’s going to keep on living with us… for at least the next few months.” You winced. 
“Few months!” Jaehyun yelped. That got his attention. 
You wrapped your arms around Jaehyun and kissed his neck. “Sorry.” Kiss. “Sorry.” Kiss. “Sorry.”
Jaehyun hummed appreciatively. “Keep doing that and I might not mind so much…”
You smirked, straddling his waist once again. “Baby, why did you think I waited until now to tell you?”
MAIN MASTERLIST
Let us know what you thought in the comments or on anon! 💋
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hesbambi · 4 days
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jaehyun sitting dumb pretty with u outside in a little ice cream shop in milan or something, glasses on and hair slicked back, him staring at the people passing by and giving u a dimpled smile when he catches you staring. jay would shake his head, amused at how obvious you're staring. he wouldn't even have to say anything, glasses moving down the bridge of his nose, his eyes now in your vision with a smirk on his pretty face, seemingly asking you "what?" caught up with the way his tongue roll out to lick his lips, it takes you a second to respond. "want you in me really bad," you quietly whine out, embarrassed with the way his he stares at you and licks his lips has you itching out to touch him and let him ravage you in front of all these people. jaehyun is amused, though not surprised. he could tell how needy you were with the way you clench your thighs together and give him your "please fuck me" eyes. without muttering a words, jaehyun inches closer, grasping your jaw with one of his hands. his lips brush past yours and onto the shell of your ear. his other hand seems to find itself on your thigh, slivering closer to your aching cunt. "beg for it."
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kpoptrashlord-007 · 11 months
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Black Silk;; JJH
Word Count;; 2.3k
Genre;; Smut
Pairing;; Jaehyun x Fem!Reader
Summary;;
The night is coming to an end and you’re well aware of Jaehyun’s golden rule: once morning comes, you should be long gone. That’s fine in theory, but it’s hard to quell the growing desire that’s building in your gut. It’s impossible to ignore. Every fibre of your being wants more. If you had your way, morning would simply never come.
Warnings;;
Sadist / Mean Dom!Daddy!Jaehyun and Sub!Princess!Reader, BDSM, choking, spanking via belt, vaginal fingering and oral sex (fem!receiving), degradation, fuck buddies to lovers? (one day), and ofc daddy kink... a sugar daddy without the sugar... a spice daddy
Notes;;
Based off the prompt ‘Black Silk’ from my Valentine’s Day prompt list~
It was meant to be window sex but whatever Jeffrey wants, Jeffrey gets
My Networks;; @superm-net​
Main Masterlist || NCT Masterlist
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   Adorned in his black silk sheets, you gaze out the penthouse windows. The view is stunning. Thousands of lights twinkle as the night becomes sentient, brought to life by the endless hustle and bustle of the city. It’s different up here, though, almost like you’re detached and far away from the real world. No one can perceive you. To the ants so far below you’re just a white speck colouring an otherwise dark building. At this height, you’re impervious to their judgement.
   A light turns off behind you, thrusting the apartment into darkness once more. Somehow it’s quieter in the dark. There’s less room for other’s thoughts, the walls constricting until it’s just you and his approaching steps. He’s louder than usual. It’s as if he’s preparing you, allowing you a few extra seconds of peace before you’re released back into the wild. Your line of vision zips between buildings, desperate to find a single interesting sight before you depart. With a million different lives at play, there’s too much to focus on.
   “Enjoying the view?”
   His voice reverberates against your back. While not as authoritative as the tone he uses in the bedroom, it’s still enough to trigger a carnal reaction. You release the slippery silk from your scrunched hand as a shudder explodes outward from your chest. He follows up the question with a soft hum, his fingers tracing circles along your shoulder while nudging the sheet further off with each rotation. It’s from that point of contact that everything starts to tumble. The silk wrapped around your bare form slips, exposing your body not just to him but to the entire cityscape. You don’t bother to readjust the material, letting it fall until it pools around your seated waist.
   Breaking your gaze away from the vast sea of lights, your line of sight drifts upward. In the window’s reflection you find him. His dark eyes are an endless void you’ve never managed to traverse. Whatever emotions he may possess, he keeps them under lock and key. He’s a private man with secrets abound; your frequent midnight rendezvous being one of them.
   “Jaehyun,” you murmur, desire welling in your core. Despite knowing full well it’s time for your meeting to end, you want to prolong it, to have him a little longer.
   “What’s wrong, Princess? Has Daddy not satisfied you enough tonight?” You shake your head ‘no’ and for a brief second the edge of his lips starts to rise. It falls just as quick as it came, replaced with a scoff. His hand encircles your neck. There’s slight pressure - not even enough to restrict your airway - as he uses the position to tilt your head back. Looking down upon you, his eyes narrow as he speaks. “Daddy thinks his Princess is becoming too spoiled.”
   It’s difficult to talk when your throat is angled in such a way but you try anyway, your words strained and weak. “I’m sorry, Daddy.”
   “Sorry isn’t good enough.” Releasing you from his hold, he nods toward the bed. “Get on your hands and knees.”
   There’s no room to argue edgewise, not when he’s uncuffing his shirt and rolling up the sleeves. All of his features sharpen under the moonlight and his cheekbones are no exception. Aware of his effect on you, he tilts his head to each side, showcasing his exemplary bone structure. One of his more prominent neck veins bulges as he clenches his jaw.
   It isn’t until he unbuckles his belt that you move. The silk is like water in your palms, slippery and hard to pin down. Still you try to tug the sheet back around your body as you walk, enjoying the cool material and how it caresses your skin. Your efforts, however, are wasted. Jaehyun stands on the edge of the fabric, trapping it beneath his feet. Without proper time to react, your grip is loosened and soon you’re left bare.
   You open your mouth to protest but bite your tongue. He isn’t in the mood tonight. Instead you walk to the bed, lingering at the edge. With one final look back that’s met with an empty stare, you crawl onto the plush mattress. It’s like a cloud and you find yourself sinking into it. His bedding smells like him, overwhelming like nightfall within a perpetual forest. If it weren’t for his steady, approaching footsteps, you might have even found yourself lost in his scent. He’s always made you feel safe, which is odd considering how little you know of him.
   “Princess, would you like my hand or the belt?”
   “Belt, Daddy.”
   “Why?”
   “Because I’ve been a bad girl.”
   “Why?”
   “Because I’m greedy and didn’t appreciate what Daddy already gave me.”
   “Good.” The bed dips under his weight. All the little hairs on your body start to stand as he hovers behind you. His presence looms above you, belittling you without any conscious effort on his behalf. “Shall I go easy on you, Princess?”
   “No, Daddy, make it hurt.”
   “Don’t worry,” he coos, placing a chaste kiss on your arse cheek before giving it a light slap. Considering what lies ahead it’s a mere mosquito bite. Still you gasp, the sound involuntary. “You won’t forget your manners again by the time I’m done with you.”
   For a moment he disappears, his weight departing from the bed, and you worry your punishment will turn out to be evasion. He’s done worse to you in the past and now that he has you anticipating a second round, his lesson will sink in much harder if he chooses to stop before the fun really starts. He’s always had a cruel side so it wouldn’t come as a surprise.
   When his touch returns, your body reacts on its own accord. You tremble as he trails the length of your legs with the back of his fingers. He’s gentle, treating you as if you’re a priceless artefact. It’s a direct contrast to the raw explosion of pleasure that is to come. Enduring the tickling sensation, you refrain from jerking away and instead allow your head to fall against the mattress. You should indulge in his soft side while it’s present but there’s a hunger building within your core that is insatiable.
   “Daddy, please,” you whine, though it soon turns into a curt yelp as his leather belt meets your skin. The strike is sudden and ruthless. It’s sure to leave a mark, though with any luck it’ll be one amongst many.
   “Shut up.”
   All hints of his prior tenderness are lost as his nails dig into your hips. Using it as a point of leverage, he yanks your body to the edge of the bed. Along the way your chest collapses against the cool sheets. He doesn’t allow you time to think before he’s pinching the insides of your thighs. In an effort to avoid it, you allow yourself to be herded into the position he likes: legs splayed, ass up, cunt on display.
   One of his long, slender fingers dips inside your warm walls and you shudder. Between the urgent need to be fucked mindless and your original session less than an hour ago, you’re drenched. You’ve no doubt that your pussy is glistening. Of course Jaehyun doesn’t bother to comment on the obvious, saving his words for what really matters.
   “I should brand my name”—he brings his spare hand down across your arse—“right here so everyone knows who you belong to.”
   “Yes, please, Daddy, mark me,” you say, desperate for anything he’ll offer. “I want it, I want you.”
   “Disgusting. My princess is a whore.”
   He removes his finger from your clenching cunt before using your back to wipe his hand clean. There’s a clink! and its source is made obvious once his belt licks your skin. Without waiting for you to recover, the rough leather stings your arse again. The force of it leaves you weak in the knees. It’s unbearable; it’s delightful. Red singes the edges of your eyes from the incessant stinging. Your whimpers are wet and spit trickles down your chin after a particularly harsh hit.
   After a few more strikes, he drops the belt. The metal buckle clanks against the ground. You follow suit, body flattening in exhaustion from his onslaught. It’s a delicious kind of pain - the kind that leaves you in a ravenous frenzy. Like a beast turned feral, every fibre of your being is blazing, a sickness tearing you apart from the seams. It isn’t enough.
   “I need more, please.” Your voice is muffled by the sheet. Each pant sucks the silk in deeper. It’s an old friend of yours; many nights have been spent with it dampening your wanton sobs. “Please, Daddy, more.”
   “Look at you,” he scoffs, rolling you onto your back. Despite how soft the sheets are, the direct contact with your very sore arse elicits a broken whimper. “A pampered princess like you can’t handle any more. You’ll just ruin my bed at this rate.”
   “I can take it, please, I’m a good girl,” you whine, spreading your legs. It’s difficult given how sensitive your skin is. Still you open yourself like a present, using your fingers to show him your throbbing pussy.
   Jaehyun’s harsh exterior cracks for a second. Humour sparkles in his eyes but he continues to act aloof. Falling to his knees, he swats your hand away. He doesn’t need to waste time on any foreplay but he does it anyway. After all, it’s a great excuse to torment you, and watching you fall apart beneath him is addictive.
   His breath is warm against your knee as his arms wrap around the outside of your thighs. He holds your body firm to the bed. With no room to squirm, you clench your fists, closing your eyes while you wait. Impatience colours your vision in white. If he takes much longer, you’ll cum from memory alone. An ongoing barrage of images flood your brain and you’re reminded of all the times he’s melted you into putty within his talented hands. It’s a futile hope but you wish these moments could last forever, that the rest of the world could move on while you both live in these fleeting nights.
   But Jaehyun doesn’t want a wife; he wants anonymity.
   By the time he reaches your cunt, you’re quivering in both anticipation and desolation. Your heart is beating a million miles an hour while also threatening to shatter under the weight of his frigidity. It’s a horrendous mix. Even as fire pumps through your veins, you’re aware of the ticking clock. The moment he’s finished with you, you’ll leave with a promise to yourself to never come back. That lasts up until the moment his name lights up your phone and you come crawling back.
   Clawing at the bed in frustration, you arch your back and buck your hips to meet his mouth. While most nights he’d chide you for it, he instead takes your clit between his teeth and pulls on it. Your indignant sobs only serve to fuel him. He sucks on the sensitive bud, flicking it with his tongue while inserting two fingers into your cunt. Rough and fast, he pumps the digits within your heat, bending them in his search of your g-spot. When he finds it, you’re a mewling mess.
   “Does that feel good, Princess?” What does one say to something so obvious? “Answer me.”
   “It’s so g–” your words taper off into a moan as your body convulses, the first wave of euphoria taking hold. He’s relentless in his pursuit of your orgasm so you give yourself over to him, body and soul, plunging into the depths of ecstasy. “–good, fucking good, so, so, yes, oh God, right there!”
   “Cum for me, I want to taste you.”
   Replacing his fingers with his tongue, he dives deep within your cunt while his thumb runs circles on your clit. He knows the exact amount of pressure to add to push you toward the edge. Picking up his pace, his thumb is in overdrive as he chases your high. It doesn’t take much before you’re teetering on the precipice.
   “Fuck, yes, don’t stop,” you gasp. Stars blind you as the waves of pleasure roll outward from your core. Your body is shaking under his diligent touch that never ceases, carrying you through your orgasm and toward overstimulation. Even then he doesn’t stop, not until you’re babbling and begging.
   Struggling to catch your breath, your chest heaves with every heavy inhale. His intent stare doesn’t go unnoticed by you. Eyes latched onto your breasts, it’s not long before his hands are cupping them. Lowering himself to hover above you, he tweaks one of your nipples between his teeth. You don’t have the energy to protest so you just run your hand through his smooth hair. Glancing at the clock, a pang of regret gnaws at your gut. Morning is approaching.
   “That was… amazing. But it always is,” you chuckle, gulping down air to fill your drained lungs.
   He hums in agreement, mouth still preoccupied.
   “I’d offer to return the favour but it’s getting late. I should go.”
   “Go?” Releasing your nipple with a wet pop, his face contorts into disbelief. There’s an offended air about him and you wince under his cold glare. Standing tall above you, he wipes his face with his sleeve. “Do whatever you want.”
   Dropping to a small whisper, you avoid looking at him. “I want to stay, but the golden rule…”
   Once morning comes, you should be long gone.
   “That’s what you’re worried about?” You nod. “I made the rules, I can break them. You’re staying the night.”
   It’s impossible to contain the smile growing across your face.
   “Okay, Jaehyun,” you say, biting your lip. It’s a provocation he won’t allow to go unpunished.
   “‘Jaehyun’?” he scoffs, shaking his head. Deft fingers unbutton his pants and soon they crumple to the floor. “I guess you haven’t learned your lesson yet.”
  – ♡ –  If you enjoyed this, please consider liking, commenting, reblogging, and/or following! Thank you!
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neck1ss · 1 year
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6:43 pm — jaehyun’s chest feels impossibly comfortable beneath your head, causing you to let out a content sigh as you fiddle with the ring around your finger. the tv plays some ‘90s horror film you’ve seen a hundred times before, which means every poorly executed jumpscare does little to startle you, and instead makes you and jaehyun laugh softly.
"hey, can i ask you a question?" you find yourself asking, eyes glancing down at your finger. jaehyun hums in response.
"do you have any… regrets?"
"regrets about what?"
"asking me to marry you," you speak slowly, and you feel jaehyun slightly still beneath you. the arm he had wrapped around you shifts so you’re now laying next to him as opposed to slightly on top of him.
"well, as a matter of fact, i do have one."
your eyes widen and you reach forward to whack his shoulder lightly. "jaehyun! that is not the answer you’re meant to give."
he shrugs, eyes crinkling with a playful smile as he laughs softly. "it's part of the vows, or did you forget?" you send him a halfhearted glare as he recites a sentence from the vows he had written himself. "i promise to always tell you the truth."
"fine," you huff, ignoring the way he's grinning down at you while looking unbelievably handsome. "what do you regret?"
"well, first of all," you send him a warning look and he chuckles before deciding to be more serious. "okay, so basically, i had this big speech planned for when i would propose—"
"how long?"
jaehyun's finger moves in slow back and forth motions against your hip. "let's just say my knees would have hurt a lot more than they did with you tackling me to the concrete."
you laugh at the memory, remembering the way you had thrown your arms around his neck as messy tears streamed down your face and your hands shook from excitement. you hadn't let him speak, your anticipation causing your body to react before your brain. sending jaehyun an apologetic smile, you lift your head to press a kiss to his cheek.
"i'd love to hear your speech."
jaehyun seems slightly taken aback by this, his hands pausing for a moment against your hip. then his face breaks out into the most breathtaking smile that you cannot resist wrapping your arms around his waist and snuggling even closer to him.
"if you still have it, that is."
jaehyun sends you a playful glare, but his eyes shine with adoration and amusement.
"my love, i have our vows framed above our bed. do you seriously think i would throw away the proposal speech i spent weeks writing?"
you shake your head, biting back a wide grin. all you can think of at the moment is how lucky you are, and how much you love and appreciate the man beside you. jaehyun's hand finds yours and he slowly traces the curve of the ring with a content smile as he turns back to the movie—though not before kissing your head and pulling you closer.
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haikuun · 11 months
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holy fuck | j.jh
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“imagine what your dear father would say if he sees me fucking her precious little daughter?”
SYNOPSIS; being a pastor's daughter was difficult. putting up an innocent and holy figure in front of his members; and discarding the fact that one of his loyalest members, Jung Jaehyun was hot as hell.
PAIRINGS; jung jaehyun x fem!reader
GENRE; smut
INCLUDES; swearing , age gap (12 years) , (tiny) mentions of religion , cock riding , orgasm denial , oral (male receiving) , public sex , dilf!jaehyun , pastor's daughter!reader
WORD COUNT; 4.8k words
AUTHOR'S NOTE; PLEASE READ AT YOUR OWN RISK !!! this feels like it's straight from pornhub ;—;
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BEING THE PASTOR'S DAUGHTER, YOU'RE FULLY AWARE OF THE MANY PEOPLE YOUR FATHER HAS HELPED; BUT HE CAN NEVER HELP YOU WITH YOUR OBSESSION OVER JUNG JAEHYUN.
You've known Jaehyun throughout your whole life, while your father has known him ever since he was little. At the age of 5, you could vividly remember Jaehyun playing with you or taking care of you when your parents were away feeding the hungry. Playdates with him were persistent—being the only child—his attention was fully on you, and you only.
That until when you reached 7, he stopped coming by. His sudden disappearance didn't affect you a lot but that's the time when your father found out that Jaehyun had impregnated a fellow member of the church, the same age he is. So, at the early age of 19, Jaehyun became a father he never expected to be.
They were a happy little family. Although your father despise them for having sex before marriage, he let's you be around their one-year old daughter.
Fast-forward to 5 years, Jaehyun started showing up to your house again, but this time with his daughter. With you being 12 years old, you could never really understand the subject “divorce”. It was a foreign word to you that was never used in your household. The only thing you knew was that his six year old daughter was gullible.
If you could really pinpoint when this obsession with him blossomed you'd say it was when you were 17. The rain poured and gloommed the city. There was a knock on your door in the middle of the rain that piqued your interest. You opened the door to discover a Jung Jaehyun drenched in God's sweat.
Droplets of water were dripping from his hair. His shirt was soaked and it became see-through. It was hugging his torso so you could easily make out what he could look like topless. He was hot.
You swallowed hard before you could flash a small smile. “Hey, is your father home?” He asked, panting. Speechless, you could only nod and open the door further to let him in.
And that was the day you became obsessed over Jung Jaehyun. And it so happens that that was the day he and his wife were officially divorced.
Now—3 years later, while you're withering away in college; Jaehyun dedicated his time to the church. Helping your father with his missions, he became one of the deacons at church and being your father's right hand overall. You knew your father couldn't let Jaehyun stray away, he likes the kid even if he's flawed. It's the reason why he was praised by many because he could never hold a grudge.
Meanwhile in your college life; you were exposed to newer and badder things that were hidden from you until in high school. Your father wanted you to attend a Christian college, but you refused. You were adamant about a certain university you wanted to attend; not because you liked the curriculum or anything.
You just wanted a taste of freedom. A taste of what's outside the holy life, and damn it, it gave you more than what you begged for.
Your father couldn't resist you, so he let you attend the university you wanted. Which is probably one of the biggest mistakes he made as a father and maybe as a pastor.
The university was highly exposed to drugs, alcohol, parties that would last till dawn, and of course—sex. All of it was overwhelming for you, but it didn't stop you from trying something new.
You smoked weed, drank a bottle of whiskey, and partied after midnight. You tried everything but sex. Sure you made out with a few guys at your campus, but you were reserving your first time for a certain someone.
And you want that someone to expose you to that blissful pleasure.
Finals were right around the corner and you spent an hour before the test skimming through your textbooks. After the finals, you weren't able to ace it nor flunk it. You did however, maintain your title as the “average student” in the grading department.
You could already imagine the disappointment in your father's face when he sees your grades. From an ace student to an average student, so disappointing. But who gives a shit? College is hard.
Your first semester was over and they finally let you off the hook. A four week break for the holidays was rather long, but since you were already planning everything, it seemed so short. That until your father called. His ID name on your phone caught you off guard. Usually your mother would call instead of him. Without any further questions, you answered. “Hello?”
“Hey sweetie! It's been a while, how are you?” Your dad's voice echoes through your ears.
“I'm doing well,” you said with a tight smile. “Finals are over but don't get your hopes up on my grades.”
A chuckle from your father tickles your ear. Well, someone's in a good mood. “Care to join a week with us? Maybe two? Me and your mother miss you dearly, and besides the holidays are in a few weeks it would be great if you could celebrate with us.”
“I don't see why not,” you shrugged. Two weeks off from your plan isn't too much. “I'll come over tonight.”
“Great! Me and your mother will cook your favorite when you get home.” Without any further exchange, your father hangs up.
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The drive from your campus to your parents' house was rather quick. You didn't know if you were speeding the whole trip or if the music playing as you drove made it shorter. Whatever it was, you didn't expect Jaehyun to open the door for you.
“Hey kiddo,” Jaehyun beams. “Gosh, I haven't seen you in a while. Come here.” Still in a daze that Jaehyun opened the door for you, you suddenly find yourself in his arms. He was warm.
“Sweetie!” As much as you wanted to cling onto him, Jaehyun releases you from his embrace. Irked, you sloppily walk over to your father who has a big smile on his face and hugs you. “I missed you so much, shortcake.”
Unconsciously, the sides of your lips lifts up. Albeit, you were rebellious against him and you despise him for hiding you against the “unholy” world; he was still your father. Your father that loves you dearly.
“Where's mom?” You asked the moment you broke away from his grasp.
“She's at the grocery store, she left an hour ago. I don't know what's taking her so long but there's probably a long line. I'm surprised you're here though, wasn't the trip long?”
“Not at all,” you beam. Sparing a glance at your surroundings, you spot Jaehyun in the kitchen. With a brow raised you whispered, “what's Jaehyun doing here?” It's not like you were complaining—you were actually glad he's here. But then you realize that the longer he'll be here, the bigger your obsession will grow.
“Oh, Jaehyun's a close family friend! I don't see why we can't invite him, it's just a casual family dinner.” Your father answers nonchalantly. “And besides, I'm surprised as you are when he came this early.”
Your father gives you a quick peck on your forehead before he disappears in the kitchen. You proceed to retreat to your room. If you knew any better, you would've brought your lingerie set you had at your dorm; or brought the sexiest pair of clothes you could wear. Seducing Jaehyun with a T-shirt and pants wasn't exactly ideal, but you went with it.
I mean—who knows?
Meanwhile in the kitchen, as your father stirs up the saucepan, Jaehyun chops up the vegetables for your father's dish. “This is the first time you've seen her in two or three years, right?” Your father asks, gaze focused on the pan.
Jaehyun pursed his lips into a small smile. “Yeah, I can't believe it's been that long. She grew a lot—she actually has some uncanny features with Mrs. Yoon.”
“Of course she has, she's her daughter.” The two broke into a light chuckle. “Do you want to spend the holidays with us? It'll be your first time without your family; so that you won't be alone, you should join ours. You're like family to us anyway.”
Jaehyun looks over to your father with a faint smile. Your father still has his eyes locked on the pan so Jaehyun focuses back on his task and says, “I'd love to.”
When your father noticed that Jaehyun was done chopping up the vegetables, he urged him to go to the living room and catch up with you or relax—he was a guest after all.
The moment Jaehyun enters the living room, he was surprised to see you already at the couch typing something away on your phone. You on the other hand were frozen. You had no idea what to say or what to do. You looked over him from your phone and didn't expect to make eye contact.
To make things less weird and make it seem like you weren't drooling over him, you greet him casually with a small smile. “Hello, Mr. Jung.” Well that wasn't casual.
Jaehyun returns the smile and gives you a quick nod to acknowledge your greeting. Jaehyun snags the left edge of the couch while you sit still and tensed on the right.
You had no idea how to talk to him.
You realize now that the conversations you two had were very small. He'd toss a few questions and you'd answer politely then that's it—moving onto the next person. Now that you two are alone and there's no “next person”, you find yourself in a rather awkward position. And the fact that you're obsessed with him didn't make things easier.
While you were boggling your mind with what to do, Jaehyun didn't mind the silence. The two of you were never close to begin with, and trying to make conversation for the sake of it seemed a little desperate in his book. He wanted to keep things casual, just like he used to.
“So, how are you kiddo?” Jaehyun turns to you and you immediately sit up at the mention of your pet name he gave to you. You didn't like the pet name. You used to be fine with it, but now you hate it because it's giving you signs that he only sees you as a kid.
A kid who he used to care for, the kid who plays with his daughter, and the daughter of the pastor.
“College is killing me I guess,” you tried to mask the awkwardness in your tone. Thankfully Jaehyun didn't really notice it so he simply smiles, nodding to your answer before returning his attention to the TV.
You clutch on your phone, fanning away the tenseness you feel and fighting the urge to talk back to him. You felt so small and powerless near him, and you hated it. You hate how he affects you this much.
Before Jaehyun could make more small talk, your father's figure popped up by the doorway to check on you two. “I'm just gonna go to the grocery store to pick up your mom. She couldn't get a cab from the traffic so she asked me to pick her up.” Your father announces as he shakes the phone in his hand to indicate your mother was on the phone.
“Do you want me to come with—” Jaehyun was about to stand up when your father shook his head.
“No, no I can manage. Just keep her company for me will you?” Jaehyun simply nods and complies, sitting back down. “Be a good girl okay sweetie?”
That was your breaking point. Your eyebrow twitched and you accidentally snapped at your father. “Dad, I'm not a kid.” You remind him, pissed off that you have to remind him every time. You're probably more pissed because of the fact that Jaehyun was there.
Your father simply laughed off your remarks. “Okay, okay, I'm leaving!”
“Drive safe alright?” You and Jaehyun bid your father goodbyes. And right after you heard the front door shut, you and Jaehyun dropped your smiles and focused on your own things.
You were still a bit fuming from your father's words but it all disintegrated when you heard Jaehyun chuckle. “I see, you don't like being called ‘little girl’ anymore? I assume you're mad at me for calling you ‘kiddo’.”
“I mean, I'm not a kid. I have every right to be. I'm an adult—a grown woman who smoked weed, drank alcohol—” That wasn't supposed to slip out. Your hand immediately clasp your lips to stop anymore words from spilling out.
You look over to Jaehyun in hopes he didn't hear it but the smirk on his face says otherwise. “That doesn't sound like an adult.” Jaehyun remarks, fixing his gaze towards you. “That sounds like a girl who's making bad decisions.”
“Please don't tell dad!” You implore, unconsciously close to him. You grabbed his arm and looked directly at him with pleading eyes; which took Jaehyun aback. Your mind was blank, the only thing you were focusing on was the thought of your father knowing every sin you did. “I'll prove to you that I'm actually an adult!”
You got your head out of the gutters and actually heard what you said. It sounded like there were underlying tones in it, and you regret formulating that sentence. And Jaehyun seems to notice it.
With a smirk on his face, he leans back in his seat. Eyes still connected with yours. “You got my attention, so what's your intention?”
It all escalated too fast. One thing led to another, and it led you here. Straddling Jaehyun's legs, eyes shut and mouth open. As you kiss him, you are suddenly reminded of your father. How he would resent the both of you for doing such an act.
But you can't stop yourself. As much as you love your father, you love the way Jaehyun was circling his thumbs against your hips. How his tongue explores your mouth so thoroughly. What you two are doing is unorthodox but not a cardinal sin—well it is to your parents.
To make it worse, you already feel wet just by the thought of being caught by your dad. His trusted member and his daughter making out on their couch, now that's something.
Jaehyun breaks the kiss to catch his breath. He looks intently at you as he pants. His silence says a thousand words and the only thing you could do was stare back at him.
This was wrong—so wrong.
This time, you took the initiative to kiss him. You had doubts about doing it; afraid that he won't kiss you back but all of your worries dissolve when he kisses you back. His hand was able to find a way to get under your shirt and he massages your breast.
You let out a stifle moan, conscious of how pathetic you sound. Jaehyun urges you otherwise. “Sing for me—tell me how good I make you feel.” Jaehyun whispers in your ear before he starts nipping your earlobe.
Those words were enough for you to cry out your moans. You produced sounds you didn't even know you could do and sounds that you didn't know if it sounds pleasant or not. Whatever it is, Jaehyun was undoubtedly aroused.
He wasn't stupid, he knew this was wrong. He knew the consequences he would face if your father finds out. But the thrill of it all makes him want to continue with this more.
Speaking of more—you wanted more than a make out session. You wanted more than just touching. So once again, you took the initiative to delve deeper. You started grinding on his clothed crotch, a move he didn't expect you would make.
You were able to pull out a sharp inhale from him and you wanted to hear him more, so you continued. Jaehyun would grip on your breast every time you would press on him too hard, and it led you to press on him a lot harder.
Jaehyun groans when you go to the extremes of grabbing his crotch. Impatient, you start to unbuckle his belt and unzip his pants. As you start to unbutton his pants, he firmly holds your wrist to momentarily stop you. “Are you sure about this?” Jaehyun asks, looking at you with wary eyes.
“We made it this far, why stop now?” You continue to unbutton his pants and now pull his pants down to his knees.
You stand up to take off your pants and underwear while Jaehyun watches you attentively with heavy eyes. You go back to straddling him, aligning yourself to his member before slowly sinking onto him.
You both let out a moan. The stretch was painful and with how big he was, he was ripping you apart. Jaehyun on the other hand felt amazing. Your pussy engulfing him—clenching around him as you adjust to his size was something he never knew he wanted to feel.
Looks like he has found a new addiction.
His groans follow in suit while you churn out whimpers. The slower you were going, the slower you were going to get over this; but doing it otherwise was painful nonetheless. There was no easy way out of this.
That is until, Jaehyun started pressing his thumb against your clit in circular motions. He was able to fish out moan after another from you and it made you think about the pain less—until you have completely forgotten about it and focused on how his thumb felt against your clit.
When you adjusted, you started to slowly ride his cock. Once you feel more comfortable, you pick up your pace. Moan after moan erupts from your throat while Jaehyun's eyes shut as he feels how great your pussy felt.
You felt his thumb venturing once again to your clit and spinning it around. With you riding him and him destroying your clit, you felt overwhelmed with pleasure. “Imagine what your dear father would say if he sees me fucking her precious little daughter?” Jaehyun whispers, only tipping you over more.
You feel your orgasm building up and you come closer and closer to the edge. And it seems like Jaehyun felt the same. He started rutting into you mercilessly, chasing his own high. “M-Mister Jung, c-can I cum?” You ask promptly.
Jaehyun's hum was something you never realized you needed to hear and actually contributed to pushing you over the edge. His moan dropped an octave as he barely manages to utter, “fuck, that's so hot. Cum for me princess.”
With a few more thrusts, the knot in your stomach unravels and with a high-pitched moan; you came. You coated his dick in your fluids and it was also a breaking point to him.
Before he could have the opportunity to release his seed, you both hear a car pull-up at the driveway. Panicking, Jaehyun pushes you off him and you immediately fumble on the floor for your pants and underwear. Jaehyun felt a sharp pain when you left him. He was so close, but you both were also so close to getting caught. He couldn't risk it.
He tucks his member back in boxers and swiftly puts his pants back on. Contrarily, you hiked up your pants and sat back down at the other end of the couch.
“This—what just happened now, is only physical alright?” Jaehyun snaps his head at you to look at you warningly. “Purely, physical. As long as it is, we can do it again.”
You didn't know how to feel but somehow you felt sad. What did you expect? Tying the knot with him isn't a part of your plan. All you wanted was to fuck him, and now that you did he has nothing for you. No love—no feelings, just a good dick to get over your obsession with him.
But for some reason, you thought ripping your insides for him—even bleeding a little and giving him your virginity would make him think otherwise.
“We're home!” Your father announces as your mother shuts the door behind them. You both stand up on your feet to greet them at the front door; but your legs said otherwise. Your legs almost gave up on you and started trembling, luckily Jaehyun was quick enough to hold you in place.
“You okay?” Jaehyun stares at you worriedly, but you assure him with a nod and detach yourself from him before trudging to the front door.
“Hey, honey!” Your mother beams at you and gives you a tight squeeze. As she hugs you, she greets Jaehyun with a warm smile. “Hi Jae!” Your mother exclaims to which he smiles back and bow.
“How was the drive?” Jaehyun asks, turning to your father as he hangs his coat on the rack.
“Surprisingly fast. After I picked her up, the traffic just—disappeared! As if it's telling me to rush home at once.” Your father laughs while your mother joins him as she pulls you away. You and Jaehyun both smile tightly as he says,
“Hah, well. T-That's something.”
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It's been two days since your little intercourse with Jaehyun. It's been playing in your head vividly as you sleep or whenever you're doing nothing. It just pierces through your mind like it's purposely reminding you of what happened. And today wasn't different.
It was Sunday and during your father's preaching, you find yourself drifting back to said memory. You sometimes wonder when you two could do it again as he did imply you two can. And sometimes you think about why Jaehyun would divorce his wife or vice versa.
Was Jaehyun not good enough? He seems like a nice person, and he is. Or is his wife not good enough? You can never find answers to these questions and you constantly find yourself in a ditch. Why would you even think about it anyway?
Letting out a bothered sigh, you tell your mother—who was situated next to you— that you will pay a visit to the bathroom. She simply nods, attention completely to your father's preaching.
You walk into the hallway with three doors. If you go straight ahead, you will find yourself in the Janitor's closet. And the two doors a few inches away from the first door, lie the bathroom of the men and women's that's right across each other.
You often find yourself in the men's room, the one at the left, due to the lack of signage and because apparently your stupid and forgetful. But this time you went straight to the right door, the women's bathroom. After locking the door behind you, you made a beeline to the sink and opened the faucet.
You cup your hands below the faucet before starting to splash your face with it. This way, you hoped to forget about what happened just for today, and focus on the mass.
You close the faucet and wipe your face with the tissue provided at the side. After discarding it, you heard a knock on the door. Since you were about to leave, you didn't respond and instead opened the door to leave.
However, you were abruptly pushed back in. Before you could protest, you look up and see Jaehyun hovering over your figure as he locks the door behind him.
“Mr. Jung, w-what are you doing here?” You asked meekly.
“Please, drop the formality. We had sex. If you keep that up it's just weird.” Jaehyun fumbles with the clank of his belt and you simply watch. “I'm horny and I'm still bothered by the fact that I didn't cum last time. So let's keep this session quick and quiet. We're in a church bathroom and there might be people outside waiting.”
Jaehyun's pants drop to his knees and you're only left with him and his clothed erection. “Get down on your knees and suck me dry, okay princess?” Jaehyun cups your cheeks and brushes his thumb against. “Oh, and watch out for your teeth.”
You were taken aback with his demand. Not only were you inexperienced in the field of blow jobs, but you were also worried on how to fit him in your mouth. Nevertheless you were eager.
You got down on your knees and palm him through his boxers. Jaehyun threw his head back and sighed. “No time to tease, princess. Get on with it.”
You couldn't help but plant a small smile on your face. Now he's the one squirming under your touch. You pull out his member and start to pump him slowly. You pulled out strings of low moans out of him and you felt proud of how you make him feel like this.
With quick and short movements, you lick his throbbing tip and remove the accumulating precum. His moans filled up the room and before you knew it, he grabbed a ball of your hair. “I told you to stop being a tease.” Jaehyun sighs.
You make an attempt and take him in. Once the tip successfully enters your mouth, you suck on it carefully. Jaehyun's grip on your hair became tighter and his moans started to echo the bathroom more.
Curious, you look up at Jaehyun who was watching your every move. Unknowingly, you looked at him innocently as you sucked him off, and the sight of it can almost make him cum. He whips his head back and tug the bottom of his lip with his teeth. Getting more and more engrossed in the pleasure.
You make another attempt to fit him into your mouth. Midway, you find it more difficult to fit more of him in you. His tip starts to poke at your throat and your eyes start watering. Trying to control it, you push yourself deeper only to find yourself gagging.
A loud moan manages to slip past Jaehyun's lips despite being quiet. “Ah, shit... Do that again.”
In spite of the pain, you do as requested. You take him in again and try to suck off the very base but to no avail. You find yourself gagging once more and this time coughing. You pull him out of your mouth and let yourself breathe.
Jaehyun was a moaning mess during that, but once you pulled out he whined. “Suck me off again please, I think I'm close...” Jaehyun says in a low voice.
You start sucking him once more, but make sure to only take in what you could manage. Sure, he felt great but the pain was unbearable. You felt the precum from his tip drip down and onto your tongue. You tried to swallow it but obviously failed. This sensation sent shivers to his spine and he released another peculiar moan from the other ones he released.
You pick up your pace when you realize how long you two are taking. It seemed suspicious that both of you were out but others would overlook it as they deem it impossible that Jaehyun would fling around with you. But they were wrong.
Who knew you would find yourself in a predicament wherein you're sucking Jaehyun off at the church's bathroom.
Soon after, Jaehyun releases his seed in your throat. You had no option but to swallow it. You let out a few coughs while Jaehyun caresses your head. “You were so good, princess. I'll do you a favor next time.”
After planting a kiss on your head, Jaehyun starts to put on his pants. Simultaneously, you fix yourself in the mirror to look presentable later when you leave. As you fix yourself, you hear a knock on the door.
“Y/N, are you alright?” Panic filled both of your systems and you started formulating a plan to get out of the bathroom without them seeing Jaehyun.
Jaehyun pulls you close to him and whispers, “tell her to go get your mom.”
You nod and comply. “N-No... Not really. Is it alright if you can go fetch my mom?”
“Of course.” You heard loud footsteps then they slowly faded, indicating that the person left.
You peek out the door to see if the coast is clear and once it is, you push Jaehyun out of the bathroom. “Go, go in the men's bathroom!” You exclaim, shoving him into the bathroom across yours that was thankfully unoccupied.
A few minutes later you heard footsteps approach your door. “Honey, are you okay?” You heard your mom's voice on the other side. Before you could reply, you heard Jaehyun's voice followed by a door closing.
“What happened to Y/N?” Jaehyun asks, voice laced with concern as if he wasn't just sucked off bone dry.
You couldn't help but let out a quiet chuckle. All of their conversation seems to fade out as you find yourself stuck in your thoughts.
No matter how long you two would do this, no matter how wrong what you two are doing are, you look forward to your next session no matter what. The future of this seems blurry and how it would end up, but you stay optimistic about it.
Again, like the words of Jung Jaehyun, it's purely physical. But how long do you think you can keep it like this?
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peanutpinet · 4 months
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Promise - CEO! Jaehyun x Innocent! Fem Reader
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A/N: hi, yes, I know, I just wrote a Jaehyun fic and I'm writing another one. What can I say, maybe I'm slowly getting passed the love-HATE relationship :] NAAAAHHHH
But like, I've had this idea for a while and it doesn't help that @anya-writes-stuff wrote about Jae in Milan as a mafia so, thank you Anya for this. This is in honour of you :]
Also maybe a lil inspo from Twisted Love if anyone has read that book (I'm a simp for Alex Volkov)
Warnings: fluff, angst, some sexual harassment (please don't read if you aren't comfortable), thought of cheating, cursing, some form of stripping your clothes (? is this a warning? I just put it just in case), reader is very much a softie and innocent whereas Jeong is basically the opposite but a total simp for you
Summary: marrying the Jeong Jaehyun was something that you had never expected growing up but he makes up for all those little fairytales that you read and watch as you grow up because Jaehyun loved you so dearly that he wanted to gift you a long life filled with happiness and love. But how far is Jaehyun willing to do for you?
[7:19 am, Milan, Italy] - marrying Jaehyun, one of the top CEO in the country was never something you expected in your entire life, even when you first work in his company. You were just interning in his company under one of his managers but little did your innocence know that your kindness was being used.
You were constantly given tons of work to do that sometimes you'd have to work overtime but because it was your first internship, you were worried about doing a bad job and getting a bad review from your supervisor. Well, until one night you accidentally met the CEO himself, Jeong Jaehyun.
Though he is the CEO, he doesn't look that much older than you and you come to learn that he was indeed only 5 years older than you. That night, Jaehyun was wondering why someone as young as you and an intern was working overtime and you being the honest person you are told him that you had to finish up some work before the deadline which was the next day.
When Jaehyun looked over at the work you did, it was then he realised how much your supervisor was using you. Making a mental note to have a talk with your supervisor without getting you in trouble of course. Jaehyun told you to go back home because it wasn't your work to begin with.
Dumbstruck, you were still the hard head and wanted to finish your work until Jaehyun himself shuts your computer and cleaned your desk, telling you that he himself was going to take you home and promised you that you won't be in trouble and in fact, he even promised you that once you graduated, you can come work full-time for him; which again, made your jaw drop.
True to his words, you didn't get in trouble for not finishing your work; instead, you heard that your supervisor was resigning that week. To add to your confusement, Jaehyun called you to his office, giving you a contract for full-time work once you were done with your studies, promising you that he'll make sure that you are taken care of.
You didn't think that he actually meant it literally because here you are, 4 years after the intern incident, a wedding band on your left ring finger, sitting on a first-class seat with Jaehyun who was still your boss but now, your lover, your husband on the way to Milan, Italy for Milan Fashion Week since Jaehyun was invited by Prada.
Jaehyun was not only a CEO but a fashion icon. His slick, simple style caught the eye of the luxurious brand, Prada and he eventually became one of their fashion icons and since then, he would always be invited to their fashion show every year.
This year, of course, not only was he invited but because he recently got married to you, Prada decided to pay for both of your flights and accommodation whilst the two of you are in Italy, as a wedding gift for the two of you.
In addition, Jaehyun asked if you wouldn't mind your honeymoon trip to be in Europe and you gave him a wide-eye look, saying that you'd love to, telling him that Italy, Paris, UK were at the top of your list of places to visit.
You remember the night Jaehyun asked and the day after you agreed, you told Jaehyun where the two of you could stay but he just chuckled. "Love, when I asked for a list from you. I meant the places you wanted to go. I've got all the accommodation, flights and transport ready" Jaehyun bluntly told you, shocking you once more.
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Waking up from your sleep, you saw Jaehyun already awake, his seat practically neat whereas you were laying on his thigh, under your shared blanket.
"Why didn't you wake me up?" you yawned, sitting up straight as Jaehyun helped you
"Didn't want to ruin your sleep. This is your first time flying this long, right? You need the sleep, trust me" Jaehyun replied, patting your head
"You should've woken me. I wanted to see the sunrise" you pouted while Jaehyun just chuckled, pinching your cute puffy cheeks
"Oh, I've gotten the picture already. Anyways, we have dinner tonight with the others, is that alright with you? We'll have lunch once we land then check in to our room to take a rest beforehand" Jaehyun mentioned as you much on the breakfast that the stewardess brought
"Hmm?? Yeah, of course. Though, what are we going to wear? I don't think I brought any fancy clothes..." you sighed
"Prada is lending us the clothes for tonight and tomorrow. Don't worry about it, love. Plus, even if they don't, I'll buy you anything you like" Jaehyun replied, wiping the crumbs on the corner of your mouth
"Jae...I told you..." you mumbled, Jaehyun cutting you off
"We need to save up and not spend on unnecessary things. I know. I know. But sweetheart, we've been saving on a separate account for 4 years now. I have my own savings to splurge on you. Plus, being able to see that smile of yours definitely is worth more than whatever I get you. Now, eat up, we're going to land soon" Jaehyun cooed at you while you continue to chew on your breakfast
Once you've landed, the two of you were escorted to a car and went to the hotel to check into your room and your luggages so that you could head out for lunch.
Lunch was simple because after nearly an hour in immigration and waiting for your luggages, both you and Jaehyun were starving and could eat almost anything that was served. Luckily, Jaehyun knows a restaurant nearby where the two of you stayed.
After lunch, the two of you practically waddled your way back to the hotel and while you were tempted to just pass out then and there, Jaehyun reminded you to shower and wash up, get into your comfy clothes (aka his clothes) then pass out.
Huffing, you oblige to his demands and once you were out of the shower, you crawled under the covers and scroll through your phone, your eyelids getting heavy and you suddenly felt the other side of the bed dipped, an arm wrapped around your waist while the other arm took the phone and put it on the bedside table next to you.
"That's enough scrolling, alright. Let's sleep. It'll help with the jet lag, trust me" Jaehyun mumbled, pulling you close that your back hits his chest while his arm rubbed your arm, lulling you to sleep until who knows what time
"Hey, are you still sleepy?" Jaehyun asked, stroking your hair as you slowly wake up from your nap
"W-what time is it? Did we miss dinner?!" you asked, wiping your eyes
"No. We haven't missed dinner. We have about an hour to get ready but if you're still too tired, we can just skip. I wouldn't mind if we ended up staying in to watch Netflix and just order in" Jaehyun mumbled, playing with your hair
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Funny enough, the two of you didn't miss dinner and while it was awkward for you, Jaehyun being next to you helped calm your nerves. Well, you really didn't pay attention much during dinner because of the jet lag and the thought of having to get up early the next day for the Prada show got you even more tired.
Luckily, dinner finished quite early and once the two of you were back in the comfort of your room, you both took turns to wash up since you were still uncomfortable to shower together or do anything intimate past kissing then passed out for the 2nd time of the day.
The next day, the two of you were awoken by both your alarms which the two of you immediately turned it off. Knowing that the makeup artist, hair stylist and stylist were going to come soon, you were about to wash up when Jaehyun pulled you back to his chest and it took a few slaps, telling him that you got the message that everyone was on their way in 30 mins and only then did Jaehyun let go of you.
Once you've washed up, you practically dragged Jaehyun's ass to the bathroom to wash up and right on time, Jaehyun's glam team came and you greeted them. Both the makeup artist and hair stylist instructed you to sit as they did your hair and makeup, making some conversations now and then, helping you calm your nerves better.
Once hair and makeup were done, the stylist gave you your outfit and right on time, Jaehyun came out, whistling when he saw your hair and makeup done. "Damn, this feels like the wedding all over again only this time, I actually get to see what my wife looks like" Jaehyun joked while your cheeks flushed and the stylist ushered you to change then dragged Jaehyun to get his own hair and makeup ready
Now, you weren't the most insecure person, but you were also not the most confident person. So when you were given a cropped long sleeve black shirt with a matching black maxi skirt, you were a bit nervous but tried it on anyways then came out of the room, Jaehyun and the team were in awe how good you looked.
The stylist was tidying your clothing while Jaehyun went and got changed as well. Once the two of you were changed and ready, the stylist gave you both some additional accessories other than both your wedding rings at the same time, the photographer came and took several pictures of Jaehyun first before nudging you to join.
The two of you took several pics as a couple and once you were done, both of you thanked everyone for their hard work and Jaehyun led you down to the car that was going to take the two of you to the fashion show.
Along the way, Jaehyun tighten his grip on you, worried that you would fall. "You know, I never got to say it much but thank you. Thank you for sticking by my side. For putting up with my tough, cold and closed self. Thank you for being the person to open me up, to marry me" Jaehyun blurted, taking your hand and kissed your knuckles as he led you into the car
"Jae...did something happen? Did you have a nightmare last night?" you asked, Jaehyun's thumb stroking your knuckled
"Nothing. I just, I feel that I don't say about how I feel a lot and it's not fair for you. You always try your best to not only show your affection but let me know as well. Finally going on a trip just the two of us made me realise it. How much you sacrifice and going out of your comfort zone for me. How much I actually depend on you since you transitioned from intern to full-time and now as my wife. I don't think I'd be able to go through those four years without you, to be able to look past my history. Trust me, nothing is wrong. I just want to be more expressive. For you" Jaehyun admitted, pulling you closer to him as he kissed your temple
"Jae, I know you're not someone to actually say much but I know that you always try your best to show you care, through the little things. And I'm more than grateful for them. Even though sometimes I think you might go a bit overboard. Don't you ever think that you're not expressing enough because you have your own way to do it. But for reals, you scared me! I thought something bad happened!" you argued, playfully smacking his arm
"I'm sorry, dimple. I really, genuinely am glad and happy that it's you I married. Not just me, my entire family, even. My parents and grandmother were nagging me to make sure that you have a good time and that I spoil you rotten" Jaehyun chuckled
"I should be thanking you as well you know. For putting up with my child-like behaviour. Like, I don't seem like an adult but here I am married to someone who could possibly be the greatest man that I could've asked for" you replied, making Jaehyun smile
"Even better than all those prince charmings, all those Ken for barbie?" Jaehyun joked
"Definitely. Because you know why? They're all fiction and you're the real deal. Plus, you're mine" you mumbled
"You're also mine as much as I am yours, dimple" Jaehyun replied, kissing your temple
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Once the two of you arrived at the fashion show, Jaehyun gave your hand a light squeeze, not letting you go even when the door was opened and he had to go out of the car first. He held your hand, helping you out of the gave and once you gave him an assuring nod, only then did the two of you turned around to greet the public for the first time as husband and wife.
The crowd was loud and after waving at them, Jaehyun led you into the actual hall where the fashion show was being held. In the venue, the two of you took pictures together and was led to your seat where the two of you were greeted by other Prada icons such as Tom Holland, Song Kang and Cai Xukun.
After several talks and pictures, all of you went to your respective seats right when they announced that the show was starting. Because this was a new experience for you, you decided to capture every bits of memory you could before the show ended. Once it did end, you and Jaehyun were then greeted by one of the Prada designers.
"You know, the more I look at the two of you, the more I see the two of you looking like soulmates. Jaehyun, don't forget to bring your wife to the store tomorrow, consider it a wedding gift" the designer stated while you shook your head
"You don't have to. You've done so much for us already" you reasoned while Jaehyun chuckled, kissing the top of your head
"Trust us, it's not. You newlyweds enjoy your honeymoon now" the designer replied, taking his leave as we went to talk with the others
After the event, the two of you went back to the hotel to freshen up, do some touch ups and went back out the door for the Prada dinner.
Arriving at the restaurant, the two of you greeted the others and made your way to your own seats. Though, you felt that there were some eyes eyeing you. You tried to brush it off and continued to enjoy your dinner, especially with Jaehyun checking up to see if you were alright. You didn't want to ruin the night for him or anyone.
When the waiter and waitress were going around to pour wine, you gently declined since you were not big of a fan of alcohol and opted for some fruity refreshing drink instead. However, your attitude got some whispers amongst the girls at the dinner.
Luckily, dinner went by quite fast and before you know it, it was already 10pm. Jaehyun was still talking with the others so you excused yourself to go to the restroom; Jaehyun telling you to just wait for him near the exit.
After your bathroom business, you were heading out towards the exit when there was a man who looked like he was in his 40s come up to you, trying to get you to go with him but you clearly declined, telling him that you were married.
Instead of letting you go, the man was not pleased with your answer that he pulled you back that you hit the wall, immediately, his hand covered your mouth to muffled your struggles. Luckily you were wearing chunky shoes so you managed to kick the man and as you managed to get out of his grip, another man came and practically pushed you hard enough that you hit your head and you fell to your knees.
After that, everything was quite a blur for you. One of the man was holding you in place, muffling your struggles while having his lips on your neck whereas the other man had his disgusting hands all over your exposed skin and all you could do was cry helplessly, hoping that Jaehyun or someone come to save you. Which, thankfully someone did.
Not long, the two man were yanked away from you and when you could manage to look up, you saw your husband, his gaze was something you had never seen before since Jaehyun never got angry in front of you nor raise his tone at you.
Immediately, Jaehyun wrapped his coat around your small figure, leading you out of the restaurant and to the car to take the two of you back to the hotel.
Even though the ride back to the hotel was quiet, Jaehyun had his arm around your shoulder, your waist, his fingers lacing with yours even when he had to open the door, leading you to the elevator and to your room.
It was only when you were back in your room did you managed to process everything and suddenly, you broke down to your knees, disgusted about what happened. Jaehyun was quick to bring you to sit on the bed, rubbing your thighs gently as you cried, telling him that you were sorry that you were helpless and always had to rely on him, that those men managed to touch you.
"I, I tried to fight back. B-but, another one came and, and then he pushed me, I, I hit my head. They were all over me. I don't like it. I hate the way they were touching me and I was so helpless and weak that I couldn't do anything. I, I don't even want to think about what would happen if you didn't come. I'm, I'm so sorry" you cried, worried about how Jaehyun might react
"No, sweetheart. It's me that's sorry. I'm so sorry that this happened to you. I'm so sorry that I even had a thought that you might left with some random guy. Fuck, why did I ever think of that, those stupid girls really almost got to me because you're my weakness, dimple. When I didn't get a response from you in the bathroom, I really thought about it. I'm so sorry. And when I heard your squeal, fuck, I knew something wasn't right. Especially when I saw you on the ground. I so wanted to commit murder right then and there but you're my number one priority. Getting you out of there, to safety, to comfort you was my priority. I truly am sorry, love" Jaehyun cried on your knees as he was also on his knees
"J-jae....it's, it's not your fault. Just, please hold me?" you whimpered, stroking Jaehyun's hair
"Of course. I still am sorry, love. W-where did they touch you? If I can see. If not, then just tell me" Jaehyun asked, sitting next to you, cradling you
Even though you were still shy and insecure about your body, you married Jaehyun, he chose you for you. He even broke down when he saw how hurt you were and even admitted that he was willing to kill someone that hurt you. While for most the thought would be sadistic, for some reason it brought you comfort in knowing that he was there for you just as he promised at the altar.
Taking a deep breath, you released your hand from gripping Jaehyun's shirt and slowly unbutton the top part of your shirt, closing your eyes as you revealed the bruises that were on your neck and your arm as you took off your top. Jaehyun gently traced all the bruises from your arm all the way to your neck, growling when he saw what seems to be a hickey.
If you think Jaehyun was pissed when he saw you on the ground, he was ready to burn those people to ashes for what they did to you. For touching you when even Jaehyun would never lay a finger on you without your consent.
Sighing, Jaehyun said that he'll run a bath for you, to help soothe all your bruises. But before he got up, you gripped his shirt, telling him that you wanted to take a bath with him because you felt safer with him holding you. Telling him that you can always stay in your underwear since you were still unsure of being bare for him
"Alright, love. It's alright. Are you really sure you want me to join you?" Jaehyun asked, littering your face with kisses as his hand rubbed your arm
"Hmmm. I just feel safer when you're with me. I, I don't want to be alone after what happened. I trust you, I know that you'll take care of me" you mumbled, Jaehyun carrying you to the bathroom
True to his words, Jaehyun joined you in the bath, still in his underwear, just like you. He held you close, massaging your shoulders, occasionally pecking your lips as the two of you watch some disney movies together.
After bathing, changing into your pyjamas, Jaehyun tucked you in bed, stroking your head, letting you cling onto him as he put you to sleep. Only when he was sure that you were asleep did he put a lingering kiss on your forehead, slowly slipping out of the bed because there was still some unfinished business that he had to do.
"I promise I'll get back at them for you. No one gets to touch you and gets away with it. I promise" Jaehyun whispered, kissing your temple once more before putting on his coat and leaving the room
Out of the room, Jaehyun instructed his personal security to guard your room, making sure that no one except him, and him alone is allowed back into your room.
Afterwards, Jaehyun made his was to the more "secured" room of the hotel. There he was greeted by the head of the Prada security team who led him into the room, locking the door behind him.
"On behalf of all of the security and prada team, I deeply apologise for what happened" the head security stated, bowing a full 90 degree angle towards Jaehyun
"As much as I'd like to be angry at the security team, my wife taught me to not blame on someone who didn't actually commit the crime. Even though it is your job to that it's not entirely your fault" Jaehyun sighed, putting on his gloves making his way to the two men that brought fear back into your life
"You both however, are a different case. I hope that the two of you are prepared for what you've done" Jaehyun growled, yanking one of the man's hair backwards
"You can't actually kill us. Wouldn't that put a stain on your career?" the other man reasoned, making Jaehyun chuckle
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"Who said anything about killing? I'm sure all the illegal works that you've done are more than enough to you put you behind jail" Jaehyun scoffed, letting the man go and the head security put the files on the table in front of the two men
"W-where did you?! Y-you can't, th-that's impossible" the two men were shaking, adding to Jaehyun's amusement
"You have no idea who you're dealing with. You have no idea the connections I have. And you want to know what's funny. It was my wife, the woman that I love, the woman that the two of you dared to touch that actually told me not to kill anyone. I promised her I wouldn't. But" Jaehyun stated, leaning to see the cowering eyes
"That doesn't mean that once you're behind bars, I couldn't make both your lives a living hell. You two made a mistake today. So, I'll make sure of it. I'll make sure that the two of you suffer to the point you'd wish for me to kill you. To send a message to everyone that this is what happens when you mock the woman I love. When you destroyed every bits of confidence of the woman who has been through so much for me. When you touch someone that's mine. My. Wife. Afterall, I promise her that I will. never. let. this incident. happen. ever. again" Jaehyun snapped, piercing a knife on both the hands of the man that touched you
A/N: not me going off on another fic, and it's a Jaehyun fic. Tbh, the original drabble I wrote on my notebook was idol Jaehyun x makeup artist reader but idk how I found myself writing this. Anyways, it's 1am as of writing this, aka way past my bedtime (sleep schedule, who?) I hope that you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy writing it!! And don't forget to support Jae's solo!! Stay safe and healthy! :] xoxo - vinet
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2kool4urbullshitposts · 3 months
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Forever Only
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Pairing: exbf!Jaehyun x Reader
Genre: Exes to lovers, Idol!jaehyun, idol!reader, angst, private relationship
 Word Count: 848
 Summary: We broke up a year ago, now why does he suddenly wanna talk? Is his possible new song about me?
 Authors note: Hey guys! Jaehyun’s new song has me in a chokehold and I obviously wanted to write bout it so here you go. Also, this is my first work of writing and I honestly only gave a brief summary because the fic in general isn't that long and I didn’t wanna spoil it lol. sorry about that, but I hope you give my fic a chance:D (listen to forever only in the background)
Sometimes I don’t recognize him when I see him on television.
This time, I did. Another award show. Another win. The camera panned across the row of members.
His face flashed on the screen. It might as well have been lightning to see it up close. Picture perfect.
He is smiling. I am not. He can still smile, despite everything that happened between us. The confetti bursts from the ceiling, and he opens his mouth.
The sound of his voice is like an ocean, A tidal wave. The song is playing. I try to bite back my tears, but I can’t. It’s our song.
– “Can we talk?” was the message on the phone. Underneath the text bubble, it says thirty minutes ago. I had just settled on a response. “I’m not this stupid.” I turned it off before I had the chance to click send.
I fell back on my bed and let out a sigh. What was there to talk about? He wanted me gone. Now he wants me back.
I’ve heard it all before. To think that all of those months were just a ploy to get me to be his call girl. To think that none of it was genuine.
To think that he broke up with me over a fourteen-second call. Click. My life shattered in a single press of a button. But the worst of all, to think that I still love him. After all of that. Maybe I am stupid. Beep.
“I’m not joking around, I promise.” Beep. And another text. “I’m at your door.” Jeong Jaehyun, you asshole.
I still left him on read, but my patience was diminishing. A part of me wanted to run out the door and hug him. Beep. This time, he sent a voice memo. I bit my fingernails.
Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to hear him out? Just a little. It was a recording of him singing. He was singing the same song he sang at the award show–our song.
I could hear him smiling through the screen. I started to sing along to his voice, harmonizing and matching his rhythm. He started breathing heavily. He must be cold outside. Maybe I am stupid.
I ran to the front door and unlocked it. I saw his face, red and pale in the winter snow. He was exhaling puffs of frosty air.
He didn’t have security with him.
Did he really come all the way here to talk? Without his guards? Someone could have seen him! Someone could have. He must have heard the chains clank against the door because his eyes lit up.
“Y/N?” I heard him call from behind the door. My heart started to burn. Fuck. I didn’t know I missed him this much. I opened the door as quickly as I could. There he was, in the flesh. His cheeks were colored with blush and I could tell he was trying not to smile.
The voice memo of him singing was still playing from my phone’s speaker. He was wearing a beige coat over a green turtleneck. Picture perfect.
A smile was creeping up on his face. I had a stupid grin on mine.
“Can I come in?” I bit the inside of my lip. All of the memories were flooding back into my head. He had broken up with me. Nothing could make me forget that. Not even him being here. But the fire in my chest was rising and rising and rising.
I could feel it almost bursting out of my throat. I was this close to falling back into his world.
“Twenty minutes,�� I say with finality.
“I’ll give you twenty minutes.”
– “I don’t want to lose you.”
“Why insist on a private relationship? Am I something you’re ashamed of?” I was seething with rage. My fingers dug into my palms, turning my knuckles white.
He looked askance. He didn’t have an answer.
“No, I-”
“I am, aren’t I?” I could feel my face distorting,
“That’s why you were hiding me all that fucking time. That’s why you called it off. You’re just looking for someone to play with. And I get it. You’re an international star. Everyone loves you. You can have anything you fucking want!” Tears were falling out of my eyes.
But I didn’t care. I am stupid.
“Even me.” The room fell silent.
His wide eyes glimmered in the darkness. I continued,
“You can use me if you want. Just… ” I realized that he was crying.
“Why would I ever use you?” Water streaming down his eyes,
“I love you so much, Y/N. I did it all to protect you. People were sending me threats to kill you. If the public found out… I couldn’t do that to you.” He took my cheeks and cupped them in the palm of his hands.
“I’m not ashamed of you. How could I be, when you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me?” He tilted his head and attempted a smile. I cried into his shoulder and later after hours of talking we cuddled and fell asleep
Authors note: if you have made it till the end of this fic I really appreciate it, make sure to like,comment and reblog as it motivates me to write more for you guys💗🫶🏻
Also sorry for the loose ending, if this fic isn't a flop then I'll definitely write a part 2
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