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kittievampire · 1 year

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Kin of the Demon Prince (pt. 7)

Warnings: Cursing, Angst, MC is a fuckin unit, Mention of abortion, Female MC, Single Mom MC, MC x Diavolo

Link to part 1

Link to part 2

Link to part 3

Link to part 4

Link to part 5

Link to part 6

Link to part 8

Link to part 9

Enjoy.

The silence that filled the room was uncomfortable, almost.

The both of you could tell that the other was hurting, that the other was bitter, but both believed it to be for different reasons. Reasons far from the truth of the matter.

You met his gaze, trying to seem as indifferent as possible. This resulted in your eyebrows scrunching upward, however, to express your upset. "I don't think there's anything to talk about, Diavolo." You kept your voice soft, as to not scare either the child in your arms or her father beside you. "While I am curious as to why you were there, I don't think it's information I need to know, do I?"

Diavolo sighed softly at your tone, already becoming a little frustrated. "MC, please, just listen to what I have to say. I understand you're upset at me, but this is more than just a lover's quarrel—" He motioned toward Selene— "We have our daughter to consider."

You scoffed at his statement. "Our daughter? Our? You weren't there when she was born. You weren't there these past few months, what suddenly makes her your daughter as well?" You could feel his frustration, and a feeling of relief presented itself to you. It felt nice knowing that he felt in this moment what you felt this past year.

"I wasn't there because I wasn't given much of a choice." "Yeah, I bet. The all-powerful Demon Prince doesn't have the power to see his own daughter? That sounds right. I totally forgive you," You spat, venom and sarcasm laced in your words that poked and pulled at his heart. His tired, sore, and wounded heart. "MC, I'm trying to have a conversation with you, could you stop focusing on how upset you are with me for a moment?"

Your gaze shifted down to the child in your arms. You were so angry at him, but he was right. You had Selene to consider in this situation, you can't afford to be selfish. If there was a chance that Selene could have a father figure in her life, you were not going to be the one to take that away from her. She would not be forced to live her life like that. Not if you could help it at least. Maybe you could try and convince him to be there, even if it has to be as a co-parent.

Maybe there was still a chance.

Diavolo took your silence as permission to speak, finally. He let out a small sigh and shifted in his seat. "MC, I know that things between us are... Iffy. But, before we get into that, I want to talk to you about Selene, okay?" His soft tone didn't falter as he spoke.

Slowly, you nodded, gently stroking Selene's red hair as she closed her eyes. Diavolo swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat, biting his lip and looking up at you. "I want to be a part of Selene's life. I don't know what made you think I was unfit, but I swear to you, I will do whatever it takes to prove that I'm worthy of being her father. Please don't take her away from me."

The amount of emotion you heard behind his words made you snap your head toward him immediately, face pale with a look of shock present. "You..." You paused, trying to gather your thoughts so they didn't come out jumbled and unorganized. "You want to be a part of her life?" You asked softly, body beginning to tremble a little.

Diavolo nodded. "Yes, MC. I want to be there for my daughter no matter what. I know that you don't want me around, but I can't sentence her to the life I was forced to live, having only one parent." He bit his lip once more, dragging a palm along his face as he tried to keep himself composed. "My mother died giving birth to me. My father went crazy, and his strictness and overprotective nature left me bitter and lonely. I'm sure anyone else in my position would've resented him for such a thing," He said, gold eyes slowly shifting to look at the sleeping infant in your arms. "I don't want her to grow up despising either one of us. If we can fix this enough to where we can agree to, at the very least, co-parent, I want to try."

The look in his eyes made your heart swell. The sheer desperation you saw in him to be a part of your child's life, to be her father, put your mind at ease for a moment. "Dia," Diavolo shifted a little at the nickname, relieved to hear it after all this time. "Dia, Solomon told me that... You wanted nothing to do with me when you found out I was pregnant," You explained, not breaking eye contact with the demon before you.

The red-head flinched, quickly grasping one of your hands with both of his. "No! My darling, MC, I would never ever leave you, let alone leave you with my baby. Our baby." He reached up to gently tuck a few strands of your hair behind your ear. "I may be a demon, but I am not that heartless." He looked down for a moment, now recalling the conversation that he and the sorcerer had a year ago. "He... Told me you were the one who wanted to call it off," He said, looking up and meeting your gaze once more.

You shook your head immediately. "No! That's not true! Lucifer told me that he said I'd gotten rid of the baby, is that true as well?" You asked. Diavolo nodded, making you let out a small sigh in frustration. "That sorcerer is a liar and a fucking psycho. I would never get rid of our baby!" You argued, holding Selene close to you. The red-head quickly pulled an index finger to his lips, glancing down at the sleeping baby in your arms before looking back up at you.

Slowly, both hands came to gently cup your face, one of his thumbs wiping away a single tear that had fallen from your eye. A small smile appeared on his face as his own eyes began to well up. He let out a small sigh, closing his eyes for a moment. "I'm just glad that the both of you are okay," He said, gently resting his forehead against yours. "I don't know what I would've done, had I lost both of you forever."

You swallowed the lump that had begun to form in your throat, allowing a few more tears to slip from your eyes as you raised your hand to gently cup one of his. "Dia—" Your hand began to shake while holding his— "Do you... Uhm..." You felt like you were confessing for the first time again. Here you were, a sputtering mess, while Diavolo sat there expectantly with a small smile on his face. "Yes, MC?" He asked softly, bringing himself just a little bit closer. Close enough to make you blush like a schoolgirl.

You sighed, glancing down at Selene. Everything was so different now. Different factors in the equation that you hadn't thought would be there, some you hadn't thought would be there so soon, were things you had to consider.

"Do you still love me?"

The demon prince leaned forward, turning your head with one of his hands to face him as he locked his lips with yours. The kiss was warm and passionate, something you'd been craving this past year.

It made you wonder how you could ever believe that this demon didn't love you.

As his lips left yours, you opened your eyes to see his looking at you lovingly. "How could I not?" He asked, lifting a hand to gently stroke your hair before looking down at Selene. "I'm going to let you rest now, My Queen. Your body still needs to recuperate. Besides, if I'm here a moment longer, I feel I won't be able to hold myself back." He looked down at Selene and stroked the small red strands of hair on her head. "I'll leave you two be. Perhaps we'll have the brothers visit."

With that, Diavolo stood and left the room, leaving you and Selene in silence.

Slowly, you adjusted yourself so you could lie down with her beside you, letting out a small sigh in bliss.

Moments like these are what made you think the world wasn't so bad after all. All the trauma you'd been forced to endure through your childhood may have been worth it.

No, it was worth it. All of it was worth it if it meant you, Diavolo, and Selene could be together. Maybe you'd even get married, make things official.

The thought made you smile.

You closed your eyes, allowing sleep to take over your senses, the dimly-lit room fading out of sight as you drifted off.

"Calling me a liar was expected, but calling me a psycho, too, MC? Now, that's just hurtful..."

The white-haired sorcerer stood over you and Selene, shifting his stance as he turned to glance at the door for a moment. He held out a hand, two purple glyphs forming before his palm as the door glowed, being sealed tightly with magic.

"I've tried everything I could to get you all to myself," He said, lowering his arm and shifting his gaze to look down at, seemingly, the two of you. "But, it appears I'll have to take you by force."

You stirred ever so slightly, opening your eyes a little to see the blurry image of Solomon before you. "Wha... S-Solomon?" You asked softly, placing a protective arm over Selene.

Solomon scoffed, holding out both hands toward you. "Sleep. I don't need you—" He scoffed, the spell expanding as three glyphs formed before his palm— "I was hoping she'd be older, her power more cultivated before I took her. But, I won't be picky. Demonic royal blood is still demonic royal blood, after all." He chuckled softly, another glyph appearing as the spell grew in power once more.

You had already fallen asleep, body outlined in a blue light before you stilled.

Solomon shifted his gaze to Selene. "Now then, I'll be taking you, my dear." He gently picked up Selene and held her close to him.

He held out his hand, making a cutting motion as a portal tore open in the middle of the room.

The sorcerer took a step toward the portal, taking a moment to look back at your sleeping form. He smiled, waving to no one before continuing into the portal.

"Sweet dreams, MC."

The tear in reality snapped shut.

And you were fast asleep.

Sorry if this was a bit underwhelming and short, guys. Had a lot of shit going on this past week and I had to rush it 🥲

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#obey me mc #obey me angst #obey me #obey me mc x diavolo #diavolo x female reader #kin of the demon prince #obey me diavolo angst #obey me diavolo x mc #obey me diavolo x reader #obey me diavolo #obey me diavolo x you

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ein-liebloser-wanderer · 2 years

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Hi hello I'm desprate for WhiteNight content😭

Hello. Welcome. You aren't alone. I, too, am desperate for WhiteNight content.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

⸸ You Will Need Me ⸸

( Based on the headcanon I wrote for O-01-45, Plague Doctor.)

Description: The Doctor lied to you, deceived you, and if that wasn't all, he took the only person that made this place bearable. You will never return to his side ever again, but do you think that will stop him from wanting you back?

Added Scenario: You are an Agent with a high Justice level, so naturally, the Manager sent you to do Suppression work on WhiteNight

Warning: Christian themes and cults, mentioned death, suicide (from Heretic confession), victim shaming

Word Count: + 1 200

A black fedora. A beak mask.

Beneath those and his heavy coat, no one knew who, or what was hidden beneath all those layers. But what they did know, it was his warmth, his kindness, and a love that he so freely gave to everyone.

A love that many of the Agents desperately wanted. You would never admit it, but you were one of those people. You trusted him.

No, to say that would be inaccurate. You were desperate to trust him.

Because looking back, you were overlooking all of the warning signs, feigning ignorance to all the wrongness of his actions. You have noticed how many have left the Doctor's unit: red-faced, euphoric, and intoxicated despite having brought no drugs with them.

But then, O-03-03 warned you: "Stay away from that creature."

Ever since, the bubble of mystique surrounding the Doctor popped. The rose-tinted glasses had shattered, and all that left for you to see was an Abnormality.

An Abnormality you were beginning to doubt was a ZAYIN.

Still, you wanted to believe in him. Even when he began to drop his black clothes in exchange for lighter, whiter ones. Even when you were noticing delusions of grandeur and martyrdom in his words. Not even the Beast's number on his collar convinced you.

You really, really wanted to believe in him. Almost to the point of being just as blind as his cult followers.

"I did tell you, didn't I?" O-01-45--no. T-03-46, or as data entry now said, WhiteNight, gently swayed up and down as he lazily floated a few feet off the floor. "The day will come that I will save you. I am certain I foretold you."

"Save us from what?" You couldn't help but balk in disgust. "You massacred more than half of the facility. You killed everyone in my team! Some of your followers were my friends, and you...you! You turned them into those...things!"

"You cannot fault them for seeking companionship, <Name>. They were lonely souls trapped in a slaughterhouse. They didn't want to become attached to someone who will soon be on the butchering block, but I am permanent. Deathless. Eternal. With me, they wouldn't have to fear such things."

"So, you put them on the butchering block instead?"

"Worthy is the lamb who was slain," his lips parted to show a toothy smile. "My Apostles deserved all the power and wisdom they received, and the honor they shall receive afterwards."

You opened your mouth, ready to scream at him. But what would be the point? He was so far up in his own delusions that you would only be wasting your breath.

T-03-46 tilted his head, perhaps curious for your silence, perhaps to mock you for your ignorance. His thick lashes that fanned over his cheek fluttered open a little, and it took your all not to flinch at the redness of his eyes.

"Ah, but there was that heretic." T-03-46 sat up midair, crossing his legs gracefully as he did so.

You glared at the mentioning of your friend. "You don't get to call them that."

"Ah. Perhaps I missed the truth. You are not here for the Rapture. You are here for them, aren't you?"

"Yes." You raised your head, looking at him head on. "What other reason should I have to come see you?"

A thick fog begin to flow into the room. It was cool, lighter than the air in the room, yet it sunk down to the floor where it hid your feet.

As the Doctor, he had been difficult to read. As the Doctor, he could keep his emotions hidden behind an affable mask. But in this form, where his powers were always on display for everyone to see, he was far more predictable.

And right now, you know you had just angered him.

"What a shame. For you to waste your loyalty and heart on that sinner. Tell me, what is it about them that you love so much? They betrayed your trust as much as they did mine. And when it all became too much, they confessed to that false prophet with the thorns, and hung themselves. They could have never offered you the release you so desperately want. They couldn't even save themselves...so, how could they possibly have saved you?"

"That is true. They are just human after all. A weak, sinful little human that willingly brought themselves to this hell, but so am I. I chose to work for this place. Not you. Not some higher being. Not any monster that thinks of themselves as a god."

Still, his face remained neutral. You weren't digging deep enough.

"Have you still not gotten it, yet? I. Don't. Need you."

And that was when a bloody mist engulfed the entire room, enveloping you in its cold embrace. Faintly, you could see what seemed to be gears and cogs in your peripherals. You could never tell for certain as they moved as your eyes moved.

You glanced back at T-03-46, delighted to see how much darker his eyes had become.

"Oh, you lost soul." He shook his head the same way a gentle parent would at a child's misdeed. "What makes you skeptical? So wary and hesitant to believe in me? Was it the Doctor's mask? My healing gifts, and abilities? Or were you unimpressed by my miracles? Because believe me, <Name>, the Rapture is only a fraction of the great things I can do."

At the thought of that, the image of the world falling into chaos and ruin popped up in your mind. His Apostles would be setting fire onto everything in their way, turning not only L-Corp's district into an inferno, but the entire City. But at the center of it all would be a light so bright, more vibrant and blinding than the fires. He would shine brighter than the sun itself, making the night white.

You raised your chin, looking at him head on. "You are nothing to me."

Then, for the very first time since the white fog appeared in his unit, his eyes twitched. But just as you thought he was finally going to release his murderous intent on you, the room shifted back to its normal lighting. The air was no longer a bloody hue, and the fog retreated back to wherever it came from.

He began to giggle, which then morphed into a loud, manic laughter.

"You say that, but I know deep down that you need me. You may refuse me all you want, but you can never change the truth that you! Are trapped here!"

The angelic abomination giggled some more, greatly amused by your predicament, but you ignored it.

The Manager sent you here because he believed in you--or at the very least, your self-discipline. You would be letting this Abnormality win if you allow his words to goad a reaction out of you.

You were grateful to hear the familiar click of the door unlocking. It seemed that you have managed to finish your task. And with a Good result, at that, as the PE boxes you counted afterwards were tremendous.

Another work done successfully without a breach, you thought in relief.

But as you left his containment unit, you felt his bloody-red eyes follow you.

Unless this day ends, you would never cease to feel as though another Rapture is bound to happen.

~ ~ ~ End ~ ~ ~

So, about his sudden shift in mood towards the end there? WhiteNight favours Suppression work, and I have no other explanation for it asides from sheer arrogance.

This Abnormality really believes in himself so much that he would simply find your refusal to believe in him cute and amusing.

#whitenight #yandere whitenight #yandere lobotomy corporation #yandere project moon #lobotomy corporation #lobcorp #lobotomy corp #ALEPH class #Abnormalities

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serenityrecoverycafe · 1 year

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When I first started recovery it was because of a tragedy that had fallen on my family about 1 1/2 ago. All of a sudden I felt myself hit with emotions that I could not control. The fear and panic attacks started immediately. I was so overwhelmed with the fight, flight or freeze mode that I was very familiar with throughout myself, that my life stopped and started over and over. I noticed that my reactions were almost first nature and without thinking. I snapped into survival mode and started protected myself and my kids. I had no regard for anyone else around me. The first thing needed was to get out of the environment we were in. As I drank and drank to keep myself at bay I started to fight and flight as I normally did in those situations. The situations where you find yourself unprotected and hurting to a point where you are emotionally, mentally and spiritually on life support. I started attending a women's group for the type of trauma I was facing, that met weekly over the phone all the while looking to make the move from Pennsylvania to Ohio. Which by the way in a trauma state of mind I do not suggest this if you can help it. I thought yes we just move and everything will just fall into place. Which worked as well as fixing your foundation with a gallon of paint. It didn't matter it was what was happening. Oh and I didn't stop there with big changes.

I ended up making so many changes that eliminated noise as much as possible and that included not working with my husband on our family business, something I had been doing every single day for about 8 1/2 years at that point. I went into smaller group of women to continue with trying to recover from this depression, panic and anxiety that I was dealing with. Than in May the real work started.

After, many nights of feeling the disposable and abandoned and being reminded of every single part of my childhood mixed with the current trauma that I was dealing with I had to quit. I had to make the decision to start an honest spiritual journey. So the beginning of May I dropped everyone elses Jesus and started a personal relationship with God for the first time in 20 years. I didn't even realize I had imitating others relationships with Christ either out of intimidation or insecurity that long but once I started the honesty process with myself I had many cringe worthy memories. I still do. So I started the first part of my recovery journey reading and meditation on my own, however, it wasn't enough something was still off. I still wasn't speaking up for myself in a healthy way which lead to either exploding or imploding. My boundaries weren't clear and my honesty to myself wasn't there at all. So what next? The rooms!!

I started to work on my mental health, seriously, starting young, but at the end of June, I met women of all walks of life that pulled me into a relationship with God. No one told me who God should be to me, they gave me confidence and security to really let go of the God that everyone else bullied me into believing and forming a real relationship with Christ. I took the Holy Spirit out of the box that was so familiar but yet made me hate God. I slowly started to lose my racial insecurities, and the vision of who I am as God tells me started coming through. I had to walk lightly and softly. I had pray for constant clarity. When I started researching and reading and praying and meditating and listening I knew that my freedom was around the corner. I started setting boundaries, my family started being put back together and I saw changes in people that I was ready to never speak to again. On the other side I was softened towards people that I never wanted to see again. I used to use the word "never" and after starting this true journey of taking Christ and the Holy Spirit out of the box They worked mircles. I saw God, not as a man's concept but as a being that is unlimited, I no longer needed the rooms as much. I started putting things that I saw other Christians saying that they put in Gods but their actions truly said they were the god of their life. I saw that because I was there too and sometimes still fall into that category, and when I find myself in that self righteous place, I have to search my motives and intentions. I have to gently handle not only others but myself.

When I say walk softly, I mean for me. My victim mentality worked for me to get through childhood, and played a part in my decisions as a young adult in picking the relationships I did to stay in. That emotional, physical and spiritual trauma that I carried with kept me resentful and picking toxic friendships and romantic relationships and sabotaging healthy relationships. So now, I walk softly and gently. I ask for a motive check when I find myself back at victim mode. I have to ask for a soft heart. I have to ask "help them change me" when I am interacting with personalities may challenge mine. My human form is selfish and hard on everyone, but when I invite myself into the day that God has for me, and sometimes I have to be reminded several times a day, I remember how soft Christ is and I want that to shine through me at the end of the day. I'm not perfect but that's not the point of my spiritual journey the point is to make steps forward in compassion, love, kindness and service.

https://www.devotedrescue.com/post/walk-softly

#serenity #recovery #spirituality #god #love #kindness #joy

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yandere-daydreams · 3 years

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Title: Revision.

Commissioned by the very lovely @pyrokittyowo.

Pairing: Yandere!Simeon/Reader (Obey Me).

Word Count: 2.2k.

TW: Past Trauma, Toxic Relationships, Codependency, Infantilization, Isolation, Mentions of Physical Abuse, Manipulation, Gaslighting.

The sun never sets in the Celestial Realm.

It’s less whimsical than it sounds, to be fair. Sleep is a luxury for angels, a way to pass time for the young and the injured, but that hadn't been something Simeon thought to tell you when you first arrived, as you tried to follow his mangled, irregular cycle of rest and work. You’d gotten the hang of it with time, carved out your own routine and forced yourself to follow it, but you’d be lying if you said you were completely used to it. It was grating, if anything, just how bright all of it was, the shine only amplified by the ivory and gold angels seemed so fond of. It was overwhelming, really. If you hadn’t known better, you might’ve called it unbearable.

But, you did know better. This realm was warm, but not stifling, not half as oppressive as the Devildom had been. It didn’t have the same constant chill, a pervasive darkness only made worse by the humid air and that invasive metallic scent, like stone and rock and the blood that must've been soaked into the cracks of both. The darkness was worse. All of it was worse, but you tried to keep your mind on the landscape, the starless sky, the bleakness you’d slowly grown to hate.

If you let yourself think about anything else, you’d have to think about the people you’d met, the brothers, the way they’d looked at you. You’d have to remember how tight Mammon’s grip had been, the first time he took you by the wrist rather than the hand, or how dull Beelzebub's fangs were and how much it hurt when he drove them into your skin, your chest, the sensitive area just below your collarbone that never failed to bleed, when it bit down. You’d have to think about how Lucifer’s hand felt as it wrapped around your neck, the sound of your own failing breath, the way he’d laughed as you—

You inhaled sharply, cutting yourself off before you could get any more lost in the memory.

Because that’s what it was – just a memory. Something you’d never have to worry about again, thanks to Simeon.

Still, you were allowed to complain. Even indoors, perched in one of the many bay windows spotted around Simeon’s sizable chambers, you could feel the unyielding sun, notice the light start to eat away at your vision like a hungry, gnawing parasite. There were clouds in the sky, perfect wisps of nothing, but they'd been their since the day you first arrived, fixed features on an unchanging canvas. They wouldn't move. You already knew that. Nothing moved in the Celestial Realm, not unless it had a reason to.

And yet, you found yourself opening your mouth regardless, asking the question that’d been playing on your tongue all day. You could let yourself have this. You could hope that were wrong. It wasn't like this would be the first time. “It doesn’t rain here, does it?”

Immediately, there was a hum from across the room, one of the many soft sounds Simeon seemed to be so fond of. You should’ve been glad he was there to answer at all, really. Simeon spent most of the day tending to his vague responsibilities. If he had time to sit around, pouring over a scroll in a language you couldn’t recognize, it must’ve meant it was either too early in the morning or too late at night for him to be bothered with anything else. You couldn’t be sure which, not when the two were so impossible to tell apart. “Rarely,” He replied, still distracted. “Michael tries not to leave the weather up to chance. If he needed a storm, I’d be able to tell you weeks in advance.”

You almost felt bad for him. You would’ve hated it, knowing everything long before it actually happened, but you doubted Simeon would ever let himself be so careless. “I don’t know how I’d stay sane,” You admitted, your gaze moving back to the window. A white dove had landed on the edge of Simeon’s windowsill, meticulously sorting through bleached feathers with its pointed beak, and idly, you wondered if the animals bothered to regulate themselves, too. “You wouldn't like my hometown. Couldn’t see the sky most days, and when you could, it was nearly too hot to go outside. Never stopped it from snowing a month before winter, though.” You paused, letting yourself smile at the thought. You missed it; you weren’t going to try to deny that. You were still allowed to miss things. “Luke would probably love it. Say what you want about humans, but we've never gotten a bakery wrong.”

Simeon didn’t hum, this time. The silence couldn’t have lasted more than a few seconds, but your heart still found a way to tighten in your chest, stopping completely as you heard his chair scrape against the floor, sharp footsteps following the noise immediately. You couldn’t bring yourself to look at him, and he was kind enough not to force you to, brushing off your avoidance as he positioned himself on the opposite side of your small shelter. It wasn't much of an improvement, though. If he'd just let himself be a little more cruel, you might've had the pleasure of hating him for it.

“You’re thinking about the human world again.”

He was getting straight to the point. You couldn’t say you weren’t thankful.

“How can I not?” You tried to laugh, but it came out strained, out of place against his sober expression. “I haven’t been home in a year. I’m bound to want to go back, eventually.”

“You know it’s not safe.” It was a familiar mantra, one you should’ve been numb to, but it still found a way to hurt, to linger, accumulate into a small, aching knot in the back of your throat as you reminded yourself that he was only doing it because he cared. That was all – he cared. He didn’t want to see you get hurt, not again. He didn’t want to see you face anything more harmful than his clumsy comfort, even if he did have a strange way of showing it. “We’ve talked about this before, (Y/n). It’s still too early to tell if Lucifer left any lasting damage. There could still be a tracking spell I haven’t discovered yet, or worse.” There was a pause, and a gloved hand came to rest on your knee. You could’ve mouthed the words, as he said them. “I can keep you safe here, but your world is neutral territory. I might not be able to stop him, if he and his brothers tried to take you away.”

You hated the way he said it. Part of you, a persistent minority, still wanted to think this was all a misunderstanding, a result of crossed wires and mixed messages and the kind of miscommunications that only ever led to such awful things. You knew it was unhealthy, to try to tint your own memories with such a forgiving light, but that didn't help you smother the temptation to believe all the soft, pleasant encouragements Asmodeus had whispered in your ear as his brothers lived out their distorted, carnal fantasies. Whatever Simeon was trying to do, it certainly wasn’t helping, either.

“I’ll be careful,” You tried, slouching against the glass. It was warm to the touch, a feeling you savored under his cold gaze. “It’d be a day trip, at most. Just a few hours. I…” He was wearing the silk gloves, today, soft and smooth as he raised his hand, cupping your cheek without a trace of hesitation. You trailed off instantly, still unused to the gentleness. “I just want to see my family, that’s all. Even if it’s only for a few minutes.”

“You’re bored of me, now?” It was supposed to be playful, the question accompanied by a light chuckle, but you still shook your head, leaning into his palm as you went on. “I can’t say I blame you. I know I’m not one for company, but if you’re dying for entertainment, I can see what—”

“It’s not just that.” You should've let him finish, but it was already too late to stop yourself. You didn’t want to stop yourself, if you were being honest. You just wanted to go somewhere else, somewhere different, a place where the sky didn’t hurt to look at and the sun wasn’t so willing to punish you for existing. You wanted to be able to step outside without worrying whether or not your angelic hosts still thought you were worthy of their concern. You didn’t want this, anymore, even if it was the better option. “I’m just tired, Simeon. I’m tired of being here, I’m tired of running, and I just want to go home—”

There was a small huff, a sharp crack. By the time you realized what happed, by the time that sudden acidic sting faded into a steady throb, his thumb was already digging into your jaw, your head forcibly tilted back in such a way that made it so you had to look at him. You couldn’t avoid the softened anger in his eyes, or the stiffness in his posture, or that tight, unignorable scowl. He was disappointed, and he wanted you to know you were the reason why. He was mad at you, and you’d done everything to earn it.

When he spoke, he did so slowly. Like he was talking to a child who hadn’t quite come to terms with reality, just yet. “I’ve taken care of you, haven’t I?”

“You have.” There was no point trying to deny it. If it hadn’t been for Simeon, you’d still be rotting in that hellscape, subject to the whims of a family of monsters. He'd saved you. He'd helped you escape, and you had to be thankful for that. “I just don’t know if I can—”

“And you care about me, right? You don’t want to see me worry?”

You hesitated, but your answer was inevitable “Of course.”

“And you do remember the last thing Belphie said to you, don’t you? What he did to send you running to me?” He let himself smile, despite the nature of the question. “I could barely understand you back then, with the crying and all. Honestly, I almost didn't notice you were begging me to save you.” It was easy to forget how Simeon could be, when he knew he was right. Most of the time, his confidence was comforting, a gentle reminder that you could trust him, that you should trust him. Right now, it just made you feel weak. “What was it, again? C’mon, love, you can tell me, can’t you?”

You could. Objectively, you could, if you tried to. You could force your mouth to make the words, you could shut your eyes and let Simeon guide you through it, and you could tell yourself they were just memories, that you were somewhere else now, that you were somewhere better, but…

But, you really, really didn’t want to, and you couldn’t convince yourself you did.

If you did, you’d have to remember how tightly Belphegor had held your hand, as he said it, his fingers intertwined with yours and his grip strong enough to leave your palm bruised, after he pulled away. You’d have to think about the small smile he wore, the hatred in his half-lidded eyes, the chill that'd run down your spine as he hid his face in the crook of your shoulder and told you that, if you ever tried to leave him, if he ever had to share you with anyone beyond the six exceptions he was already making, he’d kill you. It was as simple as that.

If he ever saw you again, he’d kill you.

You were safe, here. You were safe in the Celestial Realm, you were safe with Simeon, but you still found yourself choking on the words, your throat going dry as your shoulders pitched forward, a bolt of something frozen striking your chest before you could ward it off. You couldn't be sure why something so distant would make you cry, but you could feel it coming on – hot tears welling in your eyes, blurring your vision, threatening to spill over and strip you of what little pride you had left, but Simeon only wiped them away, as doting as he always was. As loving as he always was, even when you took his patience for granted. Even when you hesitated to lean into him, as he pulled you into his chest, urging you to hide your face and treat him like the pillar of support he was so clearly trying to be. Even when you didn't deserve it, when you didn't deserve him, when you didn't deserve any of this, not when he was kind enough to pretend he didn't know that just as well as you.

“Poor little thing.” He was humming, now, his tone teetering on the line between carelessness and comfort. You couldn’t bring yourself to care, not in the moment, not when it was all you could do to muffle your hitched sobs into small, pathetic whimpers. “It’s nothing to blame yourself for. You just need a little help.” Another pause, elongated and purposeful. Sadistic, in only because he had to try so hard not to be. “You just need someone to protect you. It’s only human.”

It was all you could do to nod, to agree, as mindlessly as you were capable of. You didn’t want to think. You didn’t want to risk remembering something you shouldn’t.

Instead, you just focused on the sunlight streaming the nearest window, how it felt as it hit you.

How, wherever your skin made contact with Simeon’s, it seemed to grow just a little more insufferable than it had been, a second ago.

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guardianspirits13 · 3 years

Text

I wanna talk about Natsuo Todoroki for a second here.

tw// mentions of abuse, self harm, and suicide

Natsuo visibly has the most emotional trauma out of anyone else in his family (Touya not included), and I really wanna talk about why that is.

For starters, we haven't seen him really smile since he was introduced in chapter 187. He's introduced as having a friendly, easygoing persona and it's easy to imagine this is how most people outside of his family know him. However, every time we see him appear since then, another layer of his trauma is revealed and expanded upon, and it cuts DEEP.

I think the main reason that Natsuo still seems so vulnerable compared to the rest of his family is different than what you'd assume. Fuyumi and Shouto both spend a lot of time around Endeavor, and have been in close proximity to his (relatively recent) decision to atone. They have seen his growth firsthand and come to terms with it. Rei has obviously taken a very different path to healing- not entirely voluntarily- but she has been working with doctors and therapists for years to change and recover and reconnect with herself and her children. Natsuo is off at college, and takes every opportunity he can to avoid Endeavor. He (understandably) wants nothing to do with him, and shows stagnant resistance to his attempts to atone.

The reason why Natsuo can't move on from the past is because his trauma didn't come from Endeavor. It came from Touya.

Now initially we were led to believe that it was simply Touya's untimely death that still bothers Natsuo, and it makes sense seeing how Endeavor drove him to the edge. Losing his best friend and brother as a young kid without parents to support him or any therapist to speak of can absolutely been the source of persistent emotional damage, but the more and more we learn about Touya's situation, the more evident it becomes that Natsuo's trauma is much much deeper than even grief.

Touya, as we know, was driven by an ambition instilled in him by his father and experienced extreme rejection sensitivity when those ambitions were no longer realistic. Touya's relationship with his parents could be described as insecure attachment, a psychological term primarily regarding how kids react and respond to their parents and other close relationships. As he was raised, Touya learned to equate his potential to be a hero with his personal worth and similarly confounded attention with love. The difference being, of course, that love is unconditional, but even attention was being continually directed away from him as a punishment for continuing to train and burn himself so he could once again become worthy in his fathers' eyes.

This is where Natsuo comes in. At first it was assumed that all of the Todoroki children were born out of Endeavor's strong-willed desire to have a child that could surpass All Might, but we learned that this isn't exactly the case. I'd argue that it was narratively poetic on Horikoshi's part once this was expanded upon. Fuyumi was born to support and encourage her brother, and that is the exact role she plays 23 years later, keeping her family together.

Natsuo's case is even more intersting.

It was bad enough if Natsuo was only born for the potential of his quirk, but it's even more sinister that the sole intent behind his birth was to discourage Touya from his ambitions. I'd say it was to replace him, but it was more to promote the idea that Touya was expendable than to raise aonther kid with the same ideals but the potential to actually achieve it, although that was definitely a secondary motivation.

The parallelism in this is how much Natsuo's life revolves around Touya. He was born because of Touya, he looked up to and took care of Touya as a kid, and the absence of Touya in the present continues to drive him and his decisions in life (but more on that later).

I continue to pray that we will eventually get more solid backstory on Natsuo and Touya's relationship as kids and where it cut off, wether on a bad note or not, but there are a few things we know for certain. One, Touya was mentally ill. Yes, he was rejected by his parents but he seems to have been particularly vulnerable to this compared to any of his siblings since he was the first of them and thus relied only on his parents for validation in his early years. He shows early signs of a variety of different mental disorders, particularly BPD, which I have previously written a whole analysis for on its own. Touya is shown self-harming both by the very nature of his quirk and even by very directly ripping his hair out. He was incredibly self-destructive.

This is why it is so much more concerning to me that Natsuo, who was AT LEAST four years younger than him, was his primary source of comfort. Natsuo was too young to have known anything more than 'my big brother is sad that daddy won't train him anymore' and he obviously wasn't equipped in any way to handle Touya's severe mental illness. Touya most definitely needed professional treaatment as his forms of coping were abnormal even for the neglect and rejection that he experienced. Natsuo comforted Touya through breakdown after breakdown, and more than that Touya relied on him and came to him voluntarily for support. Natsuo was the best option he had, and he took full advantage of that. The main source of Natsuo's trauma was Touya's reliance on him.

Not to say at all that this was in any way Touya's fault- he was mentally ill and desperately in need of some form of comfort to keep him sane; it was almost a survival method at this point since neither of his parents really acknowleged him at all anymore. Touya's instability hurt Natsuo more than parental neglect ever did, but it was the neglect that enabled it and striped Touya of the supportive atmosphere he would have needed at this point not only to prevent but to heal from the mental damage he had already suffered.

Natsuo dealt with this for years and you can see how much it hurt him to see Touya in so much pain, not only from Endeavor's rejection but from his own self harm as well. For Natuso to know that his brotherly love would never be the same as having loving parents; would neve be enough- but at least it was something so he continued to love and care about his brother for little in return- is indicative of the kind of character he is.

(Edit: After the events of chapter 302 we know that Natsuo's relationship with Touya wasn't perfect. I will elaborate more on this in a different post, but I just wanted to clarify that although we were shown a very high-tension scene between them, it is implied that this was a regular occurrence that Natsuo was usually more receptive too but tired out of, in addition to Touya's spiraling mental health. It fit with the natrative to show the tension Touya was feeling with his family from all directions, but Natsu and Touya clearly had a stronger relationship up to and before this point, evidenced by their sharing a room and playing together regularly.)

He is incredibly selfless, and it's interesting to note how many of his positive qualities as an adult stem from negative experiences as a kid. He never really felt love from his parents, so he relied on Touya (and likely also Fuyumi) for that as well. If he grew up learning he had to give love in order to recieve it back, it absolutely influenced who he became in the future, a solid example of this being the responsibility he feels to reach out and have a relationship with Shouto and further regrets that he wasn't able to help his abuse in the past either. Another aspect of his character that intruigues me is how gentle he is. Personality-wise he seems about as opposite as he could be from the awkward, stoic, emotionally-stunted person that is Endeavor.

There are a couple of reasons for this, beyond what I've already discussed.

One, he had little to no contact with elements of toxic masculinity growing up, especially not from Endeavor.

Two, most of the influence he did have growing up was from Fuyumi, who is established to have endlessly cared for him since he was a literal baby.

Three, he grew up in a household where almost everyone around him was in much more literal, immediate pain than he was so he developed a very strong sense of empathy that might also have been tied to early survivor's guilt.

Now I have one important distinction to make, and that's the temptation to label him as a 'softboy' or something of the like after seeing him caring for his family and more pointedly, watching him break down in tears during chapter 252. While there is absolutely nothing wrong with men being soft or vulnerable (on the contrary it's actually so so important and relevant that Hori is writing characters like this in a mainstream shounen manga but that's an essay for another time), it is unfair to label him as such based on a moment when his trauma is being exposed.

Because his truama stems from such a young age, there is a blurry line between just being born with more emotional intelligence and the situation he was in fostering those traits. You know, the classic nature/nurture thing. My point being, it's important to tread carefully when discussing the nature of his personality to avoid invalidating his trauma; I have no doubt that he is very strong for having survived these things, and the moments we see of him onscreen are definitely among his most vulnerable.

Another thing that people less familiar with Natsuo's character might assume is that he is hot-headed and argumentative. I thought that at first too- after all, he doesn't seem to shy away from yelling at Endeavor when given the opportunity. However, this doesn't seem to be the case at all.

The first real scene we see him in with Endeavor, the man walks into the room and Natsuo decides he can't handle it and goes to leave. However, Endeavor happens to be blocking the doorway. Endeavor physically stops him and provokes him to his face, asking him to say whatever is on him mind. While Natsuo is notably not confrontational, Endeavor is. I think it's fair to say that he felt at least uneasy at this gesture. Natsuo is very honest with his feelings, and it's obvious that he's pissed at the audacity of Endeavor to be so oblivious to his own son. This is presumably one of the first real interactions they've ever really had, and at this point Natsuo has been dealing with trauma (caused by Endeavor!) on his own for years, and Endeavor seems completely oblivious to his pain and dismmisive to the rest of the family's as well.

Again during the internship arc Natsuo tries to get along with Endeavor and this time he actually gives it a fleeting chance. Tensions are high, however, and the conversation very quickly becomes uncomfortable, at which point he leaves. It is continually implied that Natsuo is uncomfortable being around Endeavor because his very presence brings up painful thoughts and memories of a time when sharing the same space as him was a warning to run and hide. This is later directly confirmed by Natsuo as he says that every time he looks at Endeavor's face he remembers Touya and the pain he was in.

I feel like an important side note is that we have never seen Natsuo outside the context of his family, which is understandable, as the role he plays in the story directly relates to them. However, if you take a look at Shouto, even though his experiences have shaped him to become who he is, he definitely acts differently when Endeavor's not in the vicinity.

Back to Touya's death, it would be very rare that someone would mourn a death for an entire decade without finding closure unless there are other factors preventing it, and uncomfortably this seems to be the same thing for both Natsuo and Endeavor: guilt.

This is getting incredibly long already, but it's important to note that Natsuo probably felt an incredible responsibility to take care of Touya and protect him because of his empathetic nature. His love was never going to be the same as having loving parents. His encouragement was never going to be the same as having support from Endeavor. Even further than then neglect and abandonement, it was not being able to save Touya that really made Natsuo feel worthless.

He seems to try and remedy this inability to save Touya and diminish his guilt by doing everything he can to be better. He reaches out to Shouto to be a better brother, he consistently pushes his limits to entertain Fuyumi's notion of a happy family, and he's working hard towards a degree rhat will allow him to help people like Touya (and Rei) because he failed to do so in the past.

His bio mildly implies that he didn't have much of a direction he was heading in after high school, but Fuyumi's encouragement led him to seek out his current college career. This goes back to Natsuo's 'purpose' in a sense revolving arount Touya, from his birth to his relationship with him to his death, after which he lost his direction. They were always rather inseperable, so naturally their seperation hit Natsuo hard. He lost his direction in life so when Fuyumi encouraged him to rediscover it, he thought of helping people, because that's ultimately what he was born to do.

Thank you so, so much for reading this if you made it to the end! I clearly have a lot of thoughts on this. Let me know what you think about it as well, and hopefully we'll get more info on this soon in the manga :)

#bnha 203 #bnha spoilers #long post #natsuo todoroki #todoroki natsuo #bnha meta #mymeta #todoroki touya

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roselen-mylady · 3 years

Text

In Another Life

Bucky Barnes x reader °part fourteen°

Summary: Waiting 88 years to find your soulmate? It was cruel. But it was a cruel fate Bucky would have to face whether he accepted it or not. Bucky was a tortured man all his life and he wasn't even granted the solace of having his soulmate at his side. All he had was the promise of one in another life. They were separated by two different times.

But the pain in their lives were connected.

Y/n had been alone ever since she could remember. All she could depend on was the soulmate that was destined to be at her side. Yet when the snap occured she lost him.

And Bucky never got to meet her.

"It's called Recover and Enable with Stark Technologies: Opportunity, Revival and Excellence. Or uh, RESTORE for short." Tony explained, the hologram capturing what they all knew to be one of his last days. "Damn, now that I say it aloud, it's a bit pretentious but we'll get used to it." He chuckled, still a little proud of his abbreviation.

"It's a resources company really. Offers financial help to families affected by the snap along with structure and aid to businesses, cooperations, hell even the government. They've always had their heads up their asses though." Y/n listened carefully, her heart stinging a bit more than usual. Maybe it was from watching yet another message from her idol and lost friend.

"It comes along with therapy and counseling. Really it's supposed to help piece the world back together. You should feel right at home. It was that aspect that told me you'd be perfect for the job. I'm sure I can help you with the other parts of the job. Or uh, Pepper will. I was never any good at running a business that was always her thing." Tony smiled fondly, the hologram's eyes seeming to stare straight into Pepper's.

Y/n could tell Pepper was fighting tears. It only made her own guilt grow.

Why did Tony have to die? It wasn't a fair question. Not to her. She should've done more, should've given her life to let him live the rest of his. To see his daughter grow up. To let Pepper finally have peace.

But what if she had? Would Bucky had even known she was his soulmate? Would he have found her body in the rumble, her shattered arm and scarred skin barely visible from the damage of the stones she should've been destroyed by. Would he have had to find out his soulmate had lost the war from her stopped countdown? Would he have had to piece together how close they were to meeting? Would he recover from that?

"We need to start soon," Pepper spoke suddenly, hastily wiping her face as she stood. Y/n watched wide eyed and silent as Pepper paced over to a man she'd learned to be Happy, quietly requesting he watch Morgan. Y/n stood, quickly moving to follow the woman.

She understood what Pepper was doing. She was avoiding the pain, putting all her effort and focus into anything but the death of her husband. Hundreds of people did it after the first snap and she couldn't say she blamed them. But it was different this time. There was no way she could've prevented the first snap, no way she could've saved all of those lives that were now returned.

But the last snap was within arms reach of her. She was capable of stopping it, sparing the last victim of the snap. But she failed.

Maybe Pepper had the right idea. This guilt was overwhelming.

"Tony set up some meetings with other corporations for Monday. I'd like you to be there with me." Pepper told her, her heels rhythmically clicking down the steps as Y/n followed carefully.

"Monday? Doesn't this seem a little rushed? I mean, I don't even know what I'm doing. Shouldn't I have some kind of lessons?" Y/n objected, her brow creasing warily.

"You'll learn through experience." Pepper replied. It was too much, too overwhelming. Y/n had just lost two friends, another left her and she'd met her soulmate. Now they wanted her to run a company that the world would eventually depend on?

How would she even begin?

In an effort to take a breath, she looked away from Pepper, her eyes trailing to the lake. It was peaceful, much more peaceful than Y/n had felt in days-years if she was being honest.

She hoped that after everything that had happened, she could just go back to being normal or as normal as someone like her could be. She didn't care about the hero's life and she didn't want to be Iron Star for any longer than she had to. But as she looked around at the others, she realized that was becoming less and less of a possibility. They looked at her as if she were next.

They seemed to know she was going to be one of them just by looking at her. But why? Because Tony took a chance on her? Because they were so similar? Or was it something else, something she hadn't seen yet?

Suddenly the calm ripples in the water were disturbed with a large splash, sending the area into chaos. A rock had broken the surface of the lake, sinking in the next second. It happened so quick and so subtly that she wasn't sure it'd even happened. The water calmed once more and the rock was lost to the bottom of the lake.

Once finding the source of the rock, her breath hitched.

He was there at the lakeside, pacing with one hand in his pocket while the other rubbed his neck. His head was downcast and he looked stressed, just as stressed as she was. That's when she realized.

He'd just met his soulmate too. After what she guessed to be almost 90 years. Nearly a century without his soulmate. He was just as nervous and overwhelmed. But it didn't mean he wasn't dying to talk to her. She could feel it, his eagerness. The way his heart ached to speak to her again even if only a few words. She wondered if he could feel her own longing.

"I need to do something. I'll be right back." Y/n excused herself, trying to be as polite as she could. She knew Pepper wanted to carry out her husband's last wish as soon as possible but they both knew he wouldn't have meant it like this. Didn't mean to leave them alone to handle it.

Pepper nodded, releasing a sigh. Everything was beginning to weigh down on her and she knew forcing more onto her shoulders wasn't gonna work this time. "Just call me tomorrow, okay?"

"I will." Y/n assured, looking back to Bucky. Pepper's expression had softened a bit following Y/n's gaze.

She remembered the first time she'd met Tony. At first he was adamant about their relationship, refusing to let her forget they were soulmates. But after what happened in Afghanistan he stopped his teasing. He stopped addressing it altogether. The trauma was too much.

Tony wasn't the same and things changed. But she liked to think it was for the better. He was a better man but he stopped seeing himself as worthy of a soulmate. He forgot what soulmates were for and it crushed Pepper.

She refused to let Y/n feel the same.

"Just meet me at Stark Industries on Monday. Have this time with him." Pepper told Y/n, motioning her head toward Bucky.

Y/n nodded softly, working up the courage to make her way to him. "Thank you."

•••

"What did that poor rock do to you?" Bucky froze at her question, whipping around to face her. She offered a soft smile, trying to break the awkwardness before it became too strong.

Bucky let out an airy laugh, looking back at the lake where he'd just thrown the rock. "Looked at me funny." He replied jokingly, turning back to her. She moved carefully toward him, coming to stand at his side a couple feet away.

He wished she would stand closer, close enough for him to put his arm around her. Close enough for him to hold her tight and never let her go. But he'd respect the distance. He'd give her space.

There was a buzz in the air as she stood there next to him, as if everything was falling into place. It felt like the atmosphere had shifted, that the stars had aligned. After all these years without her, he finally had her.

And all he could muster was, 'looked at me funny'?

"Must've been some look." Y/n replied with an amused smirk.

The silence was overwhelming but welcomed. Of course both wanted to fill it with anything and everything they could say but neither were ready for that. They each had their secrets, their pasts. They were at a conflicting crossroads.

"It's strange. I've waited my whole life to tell you everything but now I don't have anything to say." Y/n let out a strained laugh, looking down at her sling. She wanted so badly to see her countdown, to finally confirm to herself that she had him and that he wasn't going anywhere. But her countdown couldn't promise that. Only fate could keep him at her side and so far fate hadn't been kind.

"Me too." Bucky mumbled, cringing at how awkward he believed to be making things.

'Say something.' His mind cursed at him. 'Say anything.'

"You're really beautiful." He spoke suddenly, his face flushing at how stupid he sounded. He meant it of course. She was stunning despite the cuts and bruises along her features. Gorgeous even with the dirt and dried blood that traced her hairline. Enchanting regardless of the sling that obstructed her movement. She was beautiful.

But saying it aloud after only speaking a few words to one another made him feel silly. So long ago he'd call complete strangers beautiful without a second thought. But was that right with his soulmate? Were there certain things he should do? A way to act?

All his worries faded away with her smile, such a glorious thing he couldn't wait to see everyday for the rest of his life. If she would have him.

"Thank you, Bucky." His name slipped off her lips so naturally it was as if she'd been saying it all her life. And maybe she had. Fate worked in mysterious ways and his mother was a firm believer that soulmates always found one another. In this life or another. He'd never believed it but now he had. They'd found each other, despite time and despite space. They were bound to one another and he could feel that Y/n knew it too.

"I have a place in the city. It's where I was heading before...you know. Not that meeting you was an inconvenience, I honestly never thought I would. Not that I didn't want to, I dreamt of it...-I'm rambling now." She sighed. How had she managed to make it even more awkward?

"It's okay." Bucky assured, unable to stop his smile from growing.

"What I was trying to say is I'd like you to stay with me, if you want. It might be a little bit more comfortable than whatever lodging Fury is getting for you all. I have a spare room." She offered, her heart heavy with the idea of Steve being gone. He'd chosen the life he wanted. Unfortunately she wasn't a part of it.

"I'd like that." Bucky nodded, his heart swelling at the suggestion. Not only was it one of the few kind acts he'd experienced since escaping HYDRA, it was also an invitation from his soulmate into her life.

He wouldn't squander the opportunity.

"Great." Y/n smiled, releasing the breath she'd been holding upon his answer. A part of her had been scared of rejection. But she guessed things with soulmates were different. They were easier. Maybe it was the assurance that they were the right match or maybe it was just the overall feeling of belonging that came with the other's presence.

Soulmates were easy.

At least she thought.

•••

When they arrived at Y/n's apartment, she was grateful she had cleaned up before everything that had happened. She'd never brought a man home before, let alone her soulmate and she wasn't sure what to say or do. The only person that she'd even brought to her apartment was Steve and by then their conversation flowed as easily as breathing.

"You have a nice place, very um, modern?" He offered, not knowing what to say himself. It'd been so many years since he'd even talked to a woman and he wasn't even sure he knew how to flirt anymore.

"Thank you." Y/n replied quietly, glancing around the apartment as if trying to see it through his eyes. She remembered Steve mentioning the lack of photos once when he first started to live there. Did Bucky think it was weird?

"Can I get you something to drink? Water, coffee, wine…?" She trailed off. Bucky looked at her, taking notice of her own nerves.

"Water is fine." He answered, smiling at her softly in any attempt to soothe her.

It seemed to work as she smiled back at him, turning toward the kitchen to get a glass of water. "Make yourself comfortable. You can watch TV if you'd like." Y/n called to him, taking a moment after pouring the glass to lean against the counter and sigh, hiding away from the source of her anxiety.

She'd always wanted to meet him. She had wanted to have him in her life from the moment she'd heard about soulmates. But what she never expected was how awkward it would be. She'd always been told that soulmates clicked instantly but they hadn't quite clicked yet. And she could tell Bucky felt it too.

Perhaps it was everything they'd been through? Maybe it'd changed them both enough to where clicking was harder? Or maybe they'd never click.

Her heart dropped at this, sending a surge of pain through her chest. Would she even be able to live with herself if they never clicked? She'd lost everyone, would she lose her soulmate too?

Suddenly a booming voice echoed from the living room, frightening her out of her daze. Quickly grabbing the glass, she dashed into the living room, plucking the remote from the wide eyed Bucky. Hastily, she muted it letting out a panicked sigh as the reporter continued on with his story silently.

"I'm sorry, I-"

"Don't be sorry, really. Trust me that's not the first time I've had to rescue a 100 year old vet from my TV. It just seems to know who to attack." She nervously laughed, setting down the remote. The tense air seemed to relax at that and Bucky found himself chuckling along with her.

The accident, though startling at first, made her feel more at ease. It was something familiar and for the first time since their meeting, there was no awkward feeling between them.

"Here," Y/n handed the glass to him with a shaking hand, trying not to let him see how much had spilled out onto her hand when she rushed into the living room.

Bucky accepted it from her, his fingers lingering on hers for just a moment before retracting.

He could feel her but not like his hand used to. The metal digits no longer felt warmth or pain or tenderness. He could feel when something touched him but all the things that made touch special were stolen along with his real appendage. He wished he'd reached out with his other arm, that he could feel the softness of her skin, the warmth.

"I-I'm not sure how this goes. I rehearsed this a thousand times when I first got my countdown but things are so much more different than I expected. My parents always raised me on the false ideal that we'd meet somewhere cliche like a coffee shop or something." She shook her head, immediately regretting her words the moment they left her mouth.

"I don't really know either. Honestly, I never thought I'd meet you." He sighed, his heart aching with the decades he'd lived believing that he'd die before meeting her. But now she was here and he was ruining it.

Y/n frowned with him, racking her brain for anyway to save their less than perfect first day. "Maybe we should start over." She suggested, putting out her free hand to him.

"Hi. I'm Dr. Y/n L/n." She introduced, deciding there couldn't be harm in starting over. Their meeting was emotional and overwhelming and after all it was just awkward. But Y/n didn't want to remember it that way and neither did Bucky.

As she had hoped, he smiled, putting his own hand into hers and shaking it gently. "Sergeant James Barnes. But everyone calls me Bucky." He replied, his smile growing as she looked at him, her eyes conveying all the warmth she was too scared to admit.

"It's very nice to meet you, Bucky." Y/n smiled, studying the way he looked at her and trying not to let herself blush.

"It's an honor to meet you, Y/n."

•••

The rest of the evening continued this way, an occasional small bount of awkwardness along with some silence before another conversation arised. It was just like getting to know a stranger and while it wasn't what she had anticipated when she thought of meeting her soulmate, it still made her happier than she had ever been.

"So, I started to climb up the fire escape because I definitely wasn't going to wait outside in the snow storm for Steve to rescue me." Y/n explained matter-of-factly, earning a small chuckle from Bucky.

"Of course." He replied shortly, already picturing the woman before him beginning her journey up the fire escape.

"Turns out Steve was already home but he was in the shower. He got out right as I made it to the window and he nearly threw me several stories because he thought I was a burglar. He was so mad, he called me crazy about a hundred times before finally letting me in." Bucky laughed at her retelling, watching the glimmer in her eyes as she relived it.

"Like he's one to judge. When we were younger he'd lose his key all the time, had to start hiding one under a brick at his ma's apartment." Bucky told her, his heart aching slightly as he thought of the last time he'd had to help Steve. His mother had just passed and Bucky was pleading with Steve to stay with him. But Steve was independent, always had been.

"He wanted to change the locks when he found out I lost my key, which I mean, is a fair request but realistically there are about 3 million apartments in the city and the chances of someone finding this one was impossible. Also when you add Captain America into the mix, the chances of your apartment being robbed are quite slim." She explained. She still hadn't changed the locks now that she thought about it and Steve was gone.

And besides she'd survived before Steve. But it didn't make her miss him any less.

"You can never be too careful." Bucky replied, shrugging softly.

"I suppose." Y/n mumbled, looking down at the coffee table where her feet were resting. It always drove Steve crazy but it never stopped her. Yet now she almost felt compelled to do so. Some way to respect his wishes. "What was he like? Who was Steve before the serum and everything?" She asked, slowly dropping her feet from the table.

The question stunned Bucky, leaving him speechless for a few short moments. Several words popped to his mind to describe Steve but they were all things he knew Y/n would already have witnessed.

"He was selfless and brave. And stupid. So stupid. Never knew when to sit a fight out." Bucky chuckled fondly, though it faded just as fast as it had come. "He fought for me when I was on the run from HYDRA. He lost everything to save me."

"Sounds like Steve." Y/n didn't lift her gaze only offering a weak smile at her beloved friend's description.

Y/n was exhausted, so much more tired than she believed possible but given her physical state it made sense. She yawned, trying to muffle as much of it as she could, her eyes watering at how harsh the yawn had rolled through her.

Bucky hardly noticed, a bount of guilt settling on his heavy heart. Bucky didn't deserve saving. But Steve fought for him anyways. And now he was sitting next to his soulmate, the very soulmate he dared not envision a life with for fear of a broken heart.

"How weird that Steve befriended us both, nearly a century apart. And I thought fate was fucked." Y/n laughed quietly, drawing Bucky out of his thoughts. Another yawn took hold of her and Bucky noticed this time, a soft smile gracing his features as he watched her nose scrunch and her hand pathetically fail to hide the yawn.

"It's been a long day." Bucky said quietly, earning a small nod from her.

"You're right." She mumbled, trying to fight off the sleep that so desperately wanted to claim her. There was still so much she wanted to talk to him about and the few hours they had spent getting to know one another didn't feel like enough. But her body was protesting every second she spent awake.

With a silent sigh, she stood pacing off toward Steve's room to find Bucky some clothes for bed. Bucky rose from the couch to follow, taking notice of how her breathing seemed ragged, almost forced.

It worried him but he didn't say anything. Maybe this was normal? He had no idea. He hadn't thought to ask Steve about her condition and asking her now didn't seem right. So he merely watched her with a silent and concerned gaze.

However once reaching Steve's room, Bucky's attention was stolen. It was clear Steve lived in this room. Whether it was the religiously kept bed, neutral colored clothes hung neatly in the closet or the drawings and pictures strung along his walls, Bucky knew this was where Steve had spent a great deal of time.

The pictures varied in a great deal of things, from NYC buildings drawn from the point of view of the street to beautiful scenes from different cities that Bucky guessed Steve had seen during missions. But one in particular caught his eye, pinned carefully to the wall with a tack.

It was of Y/n from her shoulders up, her head slightly turned down. He found her face was quickly becoming a source of comfort. Just seeing her put him at ease and he'd only met her that day.

The picture gave him that same kind of feeling, the feeling that made his chest soft and his muscles relax. It was a way he had yet to see her, so peaceful and calm.

She was reading a book or maybe a magazine? Her eyes focused on the words but there was a daze behind them as if she were daydreaming. He wondered what she had been thinking about. Wondered why she no longer wore her hair like it was in the portrait. Or maybe she did and he hadn't seen it yet?

There were so many things he'd yet to know and a part of him was furious that he had missed all this time with her. He wanted to know her as well as Steve had, wanted to know everything that made her Y/n. He was furious with fate for stealing that from him.

"Here, these might be comfortable enough for sleepwear. But honestly none of Steve's clothes look very comfortable." Y/n spoke, sending a wary look toward Steve's closet where she'd just been.

"So, Steve lived here?" Bucky asked, under the impression that Steve was more of a frequent guest. Y/n tilted her head with a small nod, looking around at the room.

It had once been her office, the very office she used to hold her sessions in. But once branching out to old cafes, the room was often vacant. Thankfully that was around the time she met Steve and the room quickly found a new purpose.

"Yeah, I mean he still went to the compound sometimes but this was his home. He didn't pay rent but he helped out around the apartment, most of the time." Y/n shrugged, smirking slightly. "He had a thing about dishes." She spoke, raising a brow at Bucky as if he might have some sort of background on the interesting flaw.

"He used to say didn't like his fingers to get wrinkled but I always knew it was because soggy food made him sick." Bucky explained, smiling at the memory.

Never before had he met someone who knew Steve as well as he did. It had always been just them. And while he was gone it was just Y/n and Steve. Now they were desperately trying to piece themselves together. It was strange, finding someone exactly like him, yet so different.

"You know, for a guy who's seen so much violence, I didn't think that soggy food would be his Kryptonite." Y/n remarked, walking over to the bed and sitting on the side.

"Kryptonite?" Bucky asked, the word foreign to him. Was it like Vibranium?

Y/n paused. "Oh um. Superman? From the comics? He was still kind of new around your guy's time. 1938, I believe." She explained.

Bucky nodded softly, vague memories of Steve mentioning it to him resurfacing. "I remember seeing them but I never really read them." Bucky replied, watching as she adjusted her sling.

"Well, Superman's one weakness was Kryptonite. I guess Captain America's weakness is dishes." She chuckled, seemingly unaware of how distraught her condition made him.

A silence fell over them after that, nearly killing them both. It was almost annoying how badly their conversation flowed. The most at ease they'd felt with each other was when they first met. When they were in each other's arms. It took everything she had not to stand up and throw herself into him again.

"Well, I um, I'm going to um-..." Y/n mumbled, trying to dismiss the thought. Bucky nodded softly, shifting the clothes in his hands. A simple pair of sweats and a t-shirt.

"Yeah." He murmured, watching quietly as she stood making her way to the door.

There was a tension between them, the kind that made Bucky's heart clench and his brows furrow. Y/n could feel it too. But neither acted.

"Goodnight, Bucky." Y/n spoke barely above a whisper, the weight of the tension crashing down on her.

"Goodnight." He replied, his eyes trailing her until she disappeared down the hall.

The weight lifted as soon as she was gone but he soon found himself missing it. Why was talking to her so impossibly hard? He tried telling himself that with time things would get easier but time was the only thing he was no longer willing to give up. He needed to try something different.

Needed to reapproach the whole soulmate thing.

Part fifteen

Taglist:

@jessyballet

@eldahae

@kissesofdeadforme

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Sorry for such a delayed update, I've been so busy lately but I hope to start updating regularly again! Let me know if you'd like to be added to the taglist!!!

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lucky4in · 3 years

Text

Magic Interferes in New Orleans

Prompts from Piccadilly's book #3

Words used: ☆matriarch ☆throat ☆impossible ☆vinegar ☆apology ☆slice ☆microwave ☆raspberry ☆choose ☆snore

God! I can't take it. The dread is killing me. I'm losing all the blood in my fingers with how tight I'm squeezing the steering wheel. The honking around me is not helping. I can feel everyone's fear collectively as we sit in agitated traffic. Stress. Fault. Jitteriness. Indifference. Panic, panic, panic.

God, I hate being an empath. I can't even hear my own thoughts. I need to breath! Yeah. Take deep breaths. I'm not far from the U-turn lane. So what if traffic is moving 1 millimeter a minute? The storm can't be faster.

Hooooonk!

Beepbeep!

I have to get out of this situation before I have a sensory overload.

From my front and my rear, I'm surrounded by vehicles. I can't move back, I'll hit someone. I can't move up, because they'll think there's space to move and I'll be more stuck than before. Looking to my right I realize the road across the gate is fairly empty. That last car I saw go that way was 40 something minutes ago.

I gulp loosening my grip from the wheel but still holding it firmly in my palms. Taking a breath I turn the wheel and step on the gas. My car races through the grass and crashes though the metal gates. With a screech, my tires are finally rolling and I'm off. Towards the dark clouds like a fool running blindly into a lions den.

When I finally catch sight of the curling palm trees and the flying debris, my weariness is replaced by anger. We had a plan. A simple schedule. Prepare emergency food, water, and medicine, flashlights and documents, locate nearest shelters, fill up gas tank, clear the yard, and turn off the power. When the evacuation order is set, I would be too far away at the time, so my husband would get the kids from home and we...would...evecuate.

Evacuate.

We would meet at the nearest shelter with our separate cars...

Unfortunately, my...sweet...dearest mother decided to take it upon herself to pick up the kids herself...and NOT evacuate. Instead, she wanted her grand babies to feel safe during the storm and cook them a nice meal...at her house.

I almost had a heart attack when my husband said they weren't there. Instead, a note was attached to the fridge reassuring us that my elementary school kids, including a baby, did not infact disappear off the face of the earth. She wants them to feel less threatened and stressed over this "flood nonsense". Make it seem like a regular thunder storm.

Except it's not a thunder storm! It's a hurricane!

I told my husband not to worry about it, I will get the kids and be ok. The hurricane is suppose to be a bad one, the weather man said. Anything left undemolished by the storm by the end of this would be a miracle. Hopefully it won't be my sanity. I swear, she's impossible.

By the time I get to her house, the streets are flowing with water and clawing up her driveway like waves at a beach. I step out and my shoe kerplunks into the water. I groan, feeling my ears eject hot steam. I stomp onto her porch with a squish, squish, squish and jam the key into the lock.

I kick the door open and slam it shut, my anger seeming to accelerate as soon I step inside. I cringe a bit, noticing my youngest asleep on the couch.

"DON'T SLAM MY DO-" my mother sticks her head out through the kitchen doorway and spots me.

"-Oh, hi baby!"

I stretch a tight smile, coaxing my child back to sleep. "Hello, mother."

"You came just in time. I just need to get a few things done before we eat."

And there she is. Like always. Not worrying about a thing while marinating apple cider vinegar on peices of pork. Probably to slice into the-

Sniff, sniff.

-gumbo. Her calm persona was infuriating. Almost insulting.

"Too bad my son in law couldn't be here. He'd love to stuff his face with the beignets" she continues.

"He's at the shelter. Kinda like we're suppose to be" I say, honey tounged and all "which begs the question..." I lean in, my palms face down on the table. "Why aren't we there right now?" I sneer, bringing my voice down.

"Because there's no need to. You know that" she says simply.

"Maybe in your case, but not mine. You just felt entitled to do things your way. Like you always do. I had everything under control and-and you had me worried."

"You know nothing was going to happen to these kids. I knew nothing was really wrong."

"If you really felt so aloof about this, you should have stayed yourself. You can't just up and take my kids like that. We've talked about this."

She finally looks at me, turning away from her task. "I should be free to see my own grand kids whenever I want to."

"I would have probably excepted that, if we weren't in the middle of a god damn hurricane-"

"Momma! Momma look!"

I was interrupted by my two children excitedly telling me that a pie was on the way. All while showing me their hands, proof of a raspberry massacre. Animated. Passion. Triumph. Pleasant. I ruffle their heads with a quick "good job" and they ran off together. Their happiness almost cures my frustration. It does calm me down a bit though.

"Is is so much to want to keep your family safe" my mother asks.

Aaaaaaand its back.

"Is it so much to just listen to me? To just let me do things my way? I am in no less danger than you are just because I dont have the same... tools that you do."

"It looks like it puts you in a lot of danger if you have to evacuate the city. You could simply come here so momma can protect you."

"That makes me look like a normal person, mom. The streets are already flooding and a ton of people just saw me go the opposite direction. I look stupid and suspicious." I'm taken back to my teen years. Having a similar conversation with my mother. "Not everything can be solved with your protection. I can make my own decisions. But instead you undermine me and tamper with everything around you. Just because I dont have it, doesn't mean I cant keep my family safe or simply be a mother. How about, for once, you let mother nature do her job."

"Your father made this house with his bare hands, rehydrating himself with his sweat. No one is touching this house. Not even Cosmo's or Gaia or whatever." She huffs and turn away. A puff of steam emerges over her head, indicating she opened the pot of Gumbo.

"Well, when your the Matriarch, you can start making the rules around here."

Realizing an apology isn't coming, I groan restricting myself from wrapping my hands around her throat. Its silence between us, as there is after every altercation. Especially when the house is mentioned, cause it's always Papa's house. He passed away before I could even learn to speak his name. Mama always told us about Papa. How she met him, how he put her on her feet and built a house for her (it was told he even built the bricks holding this house up), how his devotion to his family and the love of his life lasted until death did them part.

"What makes you think I'm going to be the next Matriarch?" I ask, slipping in the kitchen chair.

"You will. It's a family tradition that you need to uphold. And you are the only girl conceived by me." She answers, this sounds almost rehearsed.

"Why don't the others take your place?" I ask, for the millionth time.

"It's only rare that a boy has ever been in place of a woman. And once a girl was brought in, he was removed immediately."

"If it's that simple then crown them and get it over with."

"Oh, do you think it's that easy"? She quizzes, slowly turning to me.

"Knowing you, probably not."

"Hyde is much more coordinated than that. If they really didn't think you were worthy, we would have known, but I always knew you were special."

Here she goes again. Hyde,, is supposedly the person that gifts the family with magic, life, and girls. It's the spirirt who thrones and dethrones us. No matter who we are. According to mom, the next Matriarch could be good or bad, Hyde has a plan for them in the end.

Along with Papa's stories, Hyde was always directed towards me because I was the only girl, excluding my half sister. Truthfully there was no way to know if Hyde was actually real. I'm not even sure if my parents have seen it. Mom would tell me tales at night of different women throughout our generation, chosen by Hyde and how I would be like them someday.

Perfect.

"Hyde doesn't give you this gift for no reason" mom reassures "they always have a plan. You can't see everything in a negative light. What if Hyde chooses Clio and you-"

I stop her at the mention of my youngest name.

"I'm not putting that responsibility on my kid" I say sternly, though It probably won't matter what I tell her "Especially if, no offense, she ends up like you. Completely dependent on Hyde's gift. IT didn't give me any when I was born, like the rest of you, and I'd like it to stay that way."

Silence once more.

"Perhaps you're afraid-"

"I'm not afraid-"

"-its okay."

"-Of this imaginary ghost."

"Sure, keep believing that. But when it happens~" she sings.

"When it happens to me, pigs will fly" I sneer, memories of that same sing song tone prodding at me.

She says nothing.

"Just let it go mom, it's just not meant to be. I'm not a child that you can hide under your wings when hail comes. However your gifts came to be, Hyde, the house, whatever, it must've skipped a generation."

She continues to stir. She sputters "but-but the family-"

"-The family doesn't know what's best for me and neither do you. I know I'm the only daughter to the Matriarch. I know I wasn't born with any gifts like my siblings. I know refusing my path makes me an ungrateful child and Hyde will handle me" I say reciting what I also heard throughout my life "But that's not my life. And I'm not defenseless."

She freezes. More silence.

"And, I mean, it's not like having voodoo is easy. It consumes you and it messes a lot of things up. This worlds order and the next."

"That's what the council is for" my mom mutters finally.

"Oh, right. The council. The same family who's just as dependent as you. Do you even remeber a time where you haven't used your gift and actually did things yourself?"

...

"Don't you ever think of letting go of this life? Doing things for yourself and not the family? Hyde? Papa's house? I notice how this changes you as you age. If this is the answer to our problems I wouldn't mind the sea taking this house away for a while-"

"Mama! Mama!"

"Wow, look."

I follow my kids voices and they seek for me, a glimmer of wonder and awe in there wide pupils. My 2 boys are pointing to the window in the living room. My sleeping child is now up, standing on her toes to see what her brothers are looking at.

As I begin to walk In the living room, they're rushing back to the kitchen. I take a peek and see a part of the lawn, including my rental car but the road and the neighborhood is gone. A large amount of visible debris is covering up the world around-

No.

That's not debris. That's not wind.

I follow my kids. They've opened the screen door and ventured into the back yard. I race after them and stop in my tracks. The water barrier has followed us to the backyard. My kids are screaming and dancing in the sprinklers as the hurricane is trapping us in its second eye. The oceanic barrier is circling around is, refusing to touch the property. With my kids instructions I look up, the sky is dark above us like it's the dead of night, yet inside the barrier, its murky like a cloudy day.

I can't concentrate. Excitment. Curiosity. Shock. Chills.

I sigh as my daughter wobbles to me and I scoop her in my arms. I can see it now, worst hurricane in 6 years and the Crobitt house still stands. This is similar but not related to the instance when a pair of swings at the run down school across the house seemingly froze in the air a few years ago... CIA is currently investigating...

I gather my children inside, they were starting to go towards the rushing ocean and who knows what'll happen. I shut the door with a defeated sigh and sulk at the table. The beneits sit gracefully with their powder sugar and I worship it by stuffing it in my mouth.

"I told you..."

I look up. My mothers eyes are glowing that familiar bright green and she has that devious smirk on her face. She always gave me that look as a child as if she's trying to tell me something. That, or it's to prove something, which I still dont know. I dont think I ever will.

"...you're father built this house. No one is taking it from me..."

...

"Now, elbows off the table."

-------

If you like to write or be creative, perhaps you need inspiration, go check out this book! Its the best!

#neworleans #magic #voodoo #hurricane #Matriarch #tradition #fantasy #gumbo #raspberrypie #spirit #writethestory #writer #writting #piccadillyinc #originalpost

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xanderwithanx · 3 years

Text

Chloe does night-time diary posts on HER tumblr, so I'm going to start doing them here, sometimes. It would be nice if you read it, but, please, don't feel obligated! This is more for me to write.

(I got tired of my normal journal, I guess. It's full of bad poetry anyway. Besides, where's the thrill of losing anonymity in a physical notebook?)

I've basically been asleep and depressed for several days, because I had withdrawal after not being able to get my adhd meds. But, I got it today, and DID THINGS. (This is SO much better than before!)

Today, I went to a small café or restaurant (focused on tea) called Alice's Teacup that was Alice in Wonderland themed! My long-standing obsession with Alice in Wonderland knows no bounds. It was a really cute place. I got pumpkin pancakes, and some really good iced tea. Like... REALLY good iced tea.

Still, it seemed like the entire place was geared towards having a pot of tea and snacks with your friends, which left me a bit lonely. The person I asked couldn't come, and by the time I heard back, I was more than halfway there. Still, I read Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead and watched Monty Python on my phone, so I still had a good time!

I dressed pretty eccentricly and effeminately all day, but, with my facial hair, I was ALWAYS coded as a man, even by people on the street! Pastels, a stupid hat, a crop top, and facial hair was a winning combination.

On my way, I was stopped by some guys soliciting for charity. I don't make a habit of stopping for strangers on the streets of Manhattan. What if it's a scam? What if I'm being pressured to buy something? What if it's a strange political rant? But, I had already taken my earbuds off, I wasn't in a hurry, and I'm terminally polite. The first guy said he liked my energy, which seemed to come from a genuine place, because I liked his too!

They were asking for donations for a breast cancer charity, the United Breast Cancer Foundation. After a discussion, it seems like the charity helps pay medical debt, medical bills, and other practical needs, which is much better than *some* others I could name. I regretted not being able to give their minimum there, as it was pretty high, but told them I'd give what I could when I got on the website.

I... did not. Money is tight, because I'm bad and irresponsible with money, even though this is more than a worthy cause. I didn't NEED to go to that tea place, and I don't NEED to spend so much money on food. Sure, I can justify it: I wanted to go to that place for so long, and it was near the college anyway! But, if I was responsible with money, you KNOW my friends direct fundraising drives would go first, worthy charities second. Still, I feel bad about it.

Then, I went to the college library, to get books to start my thesis research. I have literally been unable to go to the college itself, aside from getting my ID, so this was great! There just wasn't a reason. It was... very empty. I went to the library stacks, which was deathly quiet and deeply haunted by the old books. I half expected something to pop out at me, as I turned the stacks, but I wasn't even paranoid or anxious. It was like I was in something else's house. I was welcome, but on thin ice.

I picked up an irrelevant psychology book on the "schizophrenia problem" from the 1930s, out of morbid fascination, and quickly put it down when it threatened to shatter in my hands.

Some students walked past (which was a suprise in those monastic basement library stacks), and I added something to their conversation, in a totally natural and casual way. But, omg the poor girls, I made them jump! Luckily, I'm the least threatening person on earth, and we laughed it off.

After a lot of hunting, I got 5 out of my 10 books (for the most part)! (The rest are, sadly, online. I like to read physical copies.) Strangely, I only came in with a list to get 3 books out of 6.

Most of the books I got are about art in the AIDS crisis, which is the core of my thesis, I think, all with different value. One about exhibitions, one about the larger narrative of those gay artists, and another contradicting the larger narrative.

I also got a book about "Art and Homosexuality". Just, the parallel construction of both "art" and "homosexuality" across cultures and times, from earliest history to the modern age. It wasn't on my initial list, but I'm really excited to read it.

Finally, I got a book called "The Thief, the Cross and the Wheel", about the pain and spectacle of punishment in Medieval and Renaissance European art. I'm mainly interested in Italian Renaissance art of the crucifixion--and its masochism--for the second quarter of my thesis.

The rest are online, and Should mostly focus on Bacchus in the Italian Renaissance (especially through art) and what I call the art of "gay liberation", concurrent with the AIDS crisis (i.e. The Cockettes). These two topics make up the last half of my thesis.

I'm SO excited to get started!!

I even got to cross the college's sky-bridges! (The college is a few skyscrapers.) Still, the loneliness and novelty were kind of the same thought. Imagine if I had been here before COVID, or, if COVID hadn't happened. Who would I have been able to meet? What would the college buildings mean to me? Because, for now, they're just buildings. But, I got to see the street from above, and that was amazing!

Just walking through New York--the Upper East Side--on a cool, sunny day was beautiful. It takes 20-30 minutes to get from my place to the college (and the tea place), but it was great being able to listen to my music (a lot of They Might Be Giants on the playlist today) and see the city. You know, people, super cool old architecture being pushed out by terrible new architecture, and pigeons.

Oh my god, the pigeons. I took pictures, but none of them are good. I kept thinking about how pigeons and doves are functionally the same. We domesticated pigeons, which is why they're here, and no one is stopping to notice them? Even the ones that were splotched with pure white, like doves? There's only so many pigeons you can take until they're just white noise and a nuisance, I know, so don't think I'm blaming anyone! But it's so hard to look away from these quirky little birds.

Also, at one point my walk, I was vaping very strategicly. The mental task of searching through library stacks will do that to you, when you already have an addiction to nicotine. I made sure no one was around, and no one would be affected. I stopped on a corner next to an old, ornate Catholic church while the traffic light changed, and I almost juuled right next to a priest! I'm glad I stopped. I don't believe in Hell, but, I would have walked down there myself had I vaped at a priest. Still, the church advertised itself as LGBT+ friendly, so maybe they aren't so trigger happy on the damnation. Either way, I DIDN'T vape at a priest today, which is good.

Once I got back, I spent a few hours watching things with my amazing girlfriend Chloe, who you may know here as @cisphobiccommunistopinions. She is so beautiful, and I love her more every day, every time I see her. God, it's almost been 5 years!

I just wish I could spend more time with her. She's in Virginia, and I'm in New York. Like she said to me earlier, I'm flighty at the best of times, and, with my lack of object permanence for the digital world, I find myself not giving her the attention I deserve, or, the full connection I long to have with her. We used to live together. Luckily, someday we will live together again! All these problems won't be forever, and we can live together again.

We watched a lot of things, but we're pretty deep into Serial Experiments Lain right now. It's a postmodern anime from the 90s, and, wow, do I have no idea what's going on in it. It's about the internet, and potentially schizophrenia as well. However, I'm obsessed! One day I'll be able to crack this artistic code, and it's unreality, thematic knots, and double-meanings. I will probably understand it better on the second watch. I don't see myself in Lain, but I see my 14 year old self in her, when I had just developed schizophrenia. Her cyberpunk fate seems like it's railroaded towards tragedy, but I want to save her, even if it's silly and irrational.

I told Chloe that I was scared about spilling apple cider on my library books, and she referred to it as "The Great Apple Juice Disaster of September 11, 2021." To which I said that it was the second worst thing to happen in New York on that date. It was funnier if you were there, and also were in my brain at the time.

Anyway, tomorrow I'm meeting some online acquaintances from the college's "Queer Srudent Union" at a Japanese Culture Fair in a park. (I do not know which park.) It emphasizes "fun"! I don't know them very well, but they're friends with the one person I know irl, so it should be good.

Tomorrow night, I should Probably head downtown to check out a gallery show by MFA (masters of fine arts) students at Hunter! After all, I was in a group project with one of them, and they're absolutely brilliant. I missed the Thursday gallery opening by a landslide, because of the aforementioned lack of adhd meds and Being Asleep, which I infinitely regret. I could have listened to all the artists and curators talk about their art and exhibition! Maybe I could have even talked with the artists and curators. But, it's best for me to go sooner, rather than later, so I don't forget. And, I REALLY want to go.

It's "This dialogue which happened to be present in all other dialogues" at the Alyssa Davis Gallery. From the email I got, "Each of these works observes a threshold of transition. [...] [These] intimations [are] of a frame of mind shared by the artists. These works perform, record, access, engage, document, and entrap, embalming the viewer within the gallery space."

sgp is a really good artist, by the way. Their work is just next-level. Be sure to check out their art, if you have a chance. Let me link their portfolio: https://saragracepowell.com/

(I highly suspect spg and the other member of my group project ghosted me afterwards, but I understand. I was really in over my head. Still, they're both really sweet and kind people, don't get it twisted!)

I ALSO really want to see The Cake Boys. They're performing at the 3 Dollar Bill in Brooklyn on September 26th. (It's only $15!) They're the only all drag king collective in NYC! (Are... there any Other all drag king collectives out there?) Other than the fact that a lot of them are trans or nonbinary, which I love, this show is a totally non-judgmental competition for over 40 drag kings! I've heard their shows are hilarious and unique.

I just have to wait until I have $15 to spare. I... didn't eat dinner tonight, because I'm irresponsible with my money and don't want to ask my parents for money... again. Don't worry, it's literally fine, and I don't make a habit of doing this!

Which reminds me! For my birthday, my parents gave me a gift card to Lush! I'm definitely going to Lush tomorrow, which will be great. I would describe my personality as "Lush store employee acosting you about a bath bomb demonstration", so I'll fit right in.

I also made a transition timeline, to show how much I've changed on testosterone. For the better, I hope! I really believe I'm becoming, if not Have Become, the man I was always meant to be. It's so strange to look back at who I was not too long ago, and to know the absolute pain I was in. It's also strange, in a good way, to see the man looking back at me in the selfies. I'm so much happier now! Much more candid in my pictures, at least. But, I know that I'm so much more comfortable as myself than I was even 6 months ago. It's strange. Sometimes I think to myself, "I don't pass yet; I'm not who I Need To Be yet." Then, I look at my selfie from today, and... I'm THERE. My mind just hasn't caught up with my amazing, natural, normal reality.

The end. I have to get ready for bed, (even though I could be partying on a Saturday night in the city. I'm lame.) If you actually read this, I am kissing you on the mouth right now. I hope it made you calm down tonight, like a terrible bedtime story. If you didn't read it and just skipped to the end, don't worry: you did the rational thing.

#long post #diary entry

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edencantstopfallininlove · 4 years

Text

A Declaration

You might want to read this all the way through. There’s something quite important that I want to share with you guys... However, if you reblog, don’t spoil the surprise in your response or the tags! In light of more recent posts, feel free to ignore that now!

As a disclaimer, I know nothing about fashion and I make that pretty obvious, but heck it

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How fortunate it was that the streets of Port Maerifa were so quiet that evening. The blue accents of the city's architecture were bolstered by the coming of twilight. A faint sea breeze danced about from the docks. As day slowly shifted into night, a pair of footsteps could be heard ambling along the streets.

Dhar was leading the way, guiding his lover by the hand as they moved towards their destination. This was a date they had been planning together for weeks; now that it was finally drawing to a close, Heather took the opportunity to really drink in the sight of the man who stole her heart. He had abandoned his usual armour in favour of a white shirt with a leather jacket, indigo denim slim jeans and black dress shoes that seemed to shine a little in the blue hour. Over his shoulder, he wore a small musky red bag with a thin strap; she wondered why he would need it on a date, but proceeded not to think about it again once they were out the door. All in all, she thought he looked just as gorgeous as always, if not even more so.

For their date, the two had put together a whistle-stop tour of their favourite spots. Each destination had a story behind it, a reason for them to slow down and reminisce. Deep down, Heather contemplated the possibility that there was a greater motive behind the whole thing. The final stop on their tour had taken them to a spot they knew all too well. The arch at the city’s foot.

"Oh, this place," said Heather, thinking aloud. "Remember the whole 'who stays and who goes' talk we had here? When you told Ajna - you told everyone - that you had nowhere to belong?"

"That I do," replied Dhar, "but a lot's changed since then. And I find myself thinking that less and less as time goes by; as I spend more new days with you."

"You’re so right. I've been thinking about the friends we've made on our journey, how we've come to be like family to each other. I hope you've felt it, Dhar. That there are people who care about you and are proud of how far you've come."

There was a long, comfortable silence as the couple stood side by side and drank in the atmosphere of the city. Feeling the urge to happy-stim, Heather clicked together the short heels of her black flats. She loved little gaps like this, where she could take a moment to feel the cool air brushing against her skin, ruffling the knee-length skirt of her blue summer dress, and appreciate everything that had built up to this moment. Every high, every low, every failure and triumph that led the two of them down their respective paths, and to each other.

"Marry me."

And then she heard them. The two words that dissolved her train of thought. Heather flinched on the spot as she tried to make sense of everything. The gentleness in Dhar's voice, the feeling of his fingers interlocking with hers, the fondness in his eyes... Was he staring at her the whole time?!

"Dhar, have you been hanging around Baozhai?" she asked, stammering her way through. "Did she imbibe you into this before we left?"

Dhar had to laugh. "Gods no, you know I won't drink that crap of hers!"

"Neither will I, to be fair."

"Come on, I'm serious! I want us to get married. I can’t think of anything better than being able to spend the rest of our lives like this."

Still not entirely believing what she was hearing, Heather turned to hold her lover's free hand as their gazes met.

"Just being with you is... already so much more than I ever thought I deserved. You know my past. There have been times when I've wondered whether you'd be happier without me. And yet, no matter how far I fell into the cycle of self-doubt, you've always been there to help me back onto my feet. It's you who moulded me into the man I am now. Someone who truly feels worthy of this woman's love. And believe me, you deserve it all in return. I want to remind you every day of how strong you are. How supportive, how compassionate, how beautiful, inside and out. Cliche as it sounds, you are, without a doubt, the best thing that ever happened to me. I mean, I literally wouldn't be here if not for you. Whatever the future holds for us, I want us to always be around to support each other. Because you and I? We're a team."

After a brief pause, Dhar abruptly shifted a single hand around in the shoulder bag. "Shit, where'd I put the damn thing...?"

"It's okay, sweetheart. I'll help you look for it if you-"

Heather was silenced first by the sight of the black box (it wasn't all an elaborate joke), then by the ring itself as Dhar knelt down and opened it - the silver band twisted upwards, with one line on each side adorned with amethysts that led the eye towards a single large orange topaz. What else could she do in that moment but gasp?

"Heather, my saviour, my rock, my love... Will you make me the happiest person in all the worlds?" His hopeful smile was offset now by glassy eyes, looking at Heather as if she were the most incredible thing to ever exist as he finally got to the big question. "Will you marry me?"

Heather's eyes sparkled as she preserved the memory of a display of love and vulnerability that she never would've expected from Dhar when they first met. But he was not the same man he was back then. He had grown so much kinder, nobler, truer; her heart swelled with pride at the privilege of being a part of that change.

If only he knew she’d made up her mind long ago.

"Yes!! Of course!" she cried as she dived in and enveloped her beloved in the biggest, tightest embrace he had yet been given. Dhar was, frankly, amazed that he managed to maintain his hold on the ring box.

"Woah, don't hug me! I should be hugging you!!"

He was quick to get over the shock, though, melting into his now fiancée’s touch and, at last, allowing himself to cry. After holding back long enough to say his piece, hearing the answer he had sought cemented this as the best day of his life, and now was the time to set his elation free.

"I'm sorry I'm such a mess right now..." he said when he let go after what seemed like aeons.

"A hot mess, maybe," replied Heather with a laugh as the ring was placed on her finger. "Still, you did say you'd be the happiest person in the worlds. You kind of asked for this!"

"I suppose I did, yeah. But it was worth it."

Almost instinctively, Dhar slid two fingers under Heather's chin, lifting her head to lock eyes with her in a silent request for permission. She responded with a subtle nod and, in the fading moonlight, accompanied by distant ocean waves, their promise of a union was sealed with a deep, lingering kiss, hands resting in each others’ hair, smiling against each others lips. It came so naturally, like it was always meant to be.

"Thank you, Heather. For everything. I love you... So, so much."

"Likewise, Dhar. I promise you won't regret this. Here's to our future - together."

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Soooo yeah, you probably all saw this coming a mile away, but...

As of today, Dhar and I are engaged!

An official announcement post will be going out at some point in the next few days, fingers crossed!

For reference, the ring looks like this: (psst everyone pitched in)

@ode-to-joie @tuff-and-fluff @f-orever-and-ever @abigailsfictionalothers @kitten-ships @dazailovemail @growlitheships @fawnships @fireemlmblem @rosepetalcharm and everyone who’s been kind enough to listen to me gush about my selfship!

#selfshipping #self shipping community #selfship positivity #self ship stuff #long post cw #I Write Stuff Sometimes #I'll Bury You My Love #Union Of Earth And Air

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mochikeiji · 4 years

Text

Sunshine

↠ Pairing: Bokuto Koutarou x Akaashi Keiji

↠ Warning: TimeSkip AU! Slight angst, fluff! Weathering with You AU

↬ Word Count: 1,851

↣ a/n: I just love Weathering with You. The prompt fits so perfectly I just had too ヽ( ´¬`)ノ even hearing the ost in my head while writing this.

Summary: Akaashi has lived his life raising the sun as he prays. But that came to a stop when Bokuto finds out the consequences. Afraid to lose him, afraid of him to disappear without having to feel what happiness is, he wants him to live his life to the fullest.

⇢ Day 8: Weather/Rain, Magic @bokuakaweek2020

✎﹏

Not many have fallen inlove with the gloomy skies that cried heavy down pours of rain. Not many appreciated the satisfying sight of the droplets patter from their window or hydrate the plants. People would see the rain as some sort of hindrance due to the natural disasters it has caused. Those such as flooding, cancelations of plans or the weird feeling of getting sad from it.

Japan at this year has been experiencing all of these emotions. The rain poured everyday endlessly. In some parts it has, but after a few minutes of hours it'll pour once more. The children were stuck inside their homes, whining sometimes for not being allowed to go out and play as they used to. Adults are always getting irritated when travelling to work. Not a day is completed without having one part of their body soaked from the rain when coming back home.

When has it been the last time they've experienced the warm sun and bright blue skies? When was the last time they have woken up to hear the birds chirping rathet than another round of padding droplets on their windows and rooftops?

If they'd predicted the weather to be in bad shape, people would've appreciated waking up a little early to show some love for the shining sun rather than wishing it hadn't risen.

For Bokuto, he didn't care about any of these calamities. He didn't pay attention to the murmurs and curses about the weather from the people he had passed by the streets, nor the fact that he sometimes gets soaked from the rain or even having his usual volleyball practice get cancelled.

All he cared about with all his heart was the man who had been destined to be his lover.

Also the man who was in full control of controlling the all powerful, bright sun and stopping the rain as he pleases whenever he would pray.

His sunshine boy.

"Keiji, I told you to stop looking over the request anymore."

Snapping his gaze away from the phone screen, Bokuto had snatched it away and places it on top of the coffee table. Taking a seat next to Akaashi and took a sip of the warm hot chocolate he had made for both of them.

"But they were getting mad for not granting their request, Kou.."

Bokuto sees the way his eyes looked down sadly behind his lens. His lips quivering as if he was afraid of something. Guilty of something.

He had no rights to be feeling guilty though. It wasn't his power to control the rain. It wasn't his fault Japan was in this situation for many years. He never asked to be the one speck of hope to bring back the sun even though it meant for a few hours.

It wasn't his or Bokuto's fault they wanted to be selfish.

Akaashi's gift had a risky price to pay. Due to people now knowing his gift, he was often called for so many request to bring the sun out. His request per day would reach 10-20. It was tiring, but this was the only job he had to provide himself. But sadly, to over working himself to the bone, his body began to get transparent. He had been so caught up with his job as the Sunshine Boy he had forgotten he was cursed to disappear to an unknown place if he overused his gift.

And Bokuto didn't want to lose him.

The day Akaashi had revealed his upper body to him, Bokuto's heart shattered. He was the one who had given him the idea of being in this position in the first place. He shouldered the blame on him, for almost unknowingly letting his lover slowly drift away and disappear from him.

But not anymore.

He begged Akaashi to never do it again. Never overuse his power. Allow himself to take a break and just find another job or let him handle all the finance since he was a successful player. But Akaashi didn't like depending all his life on someone, he wanted to be useful. Worthy. Even though Bokuto woukd remind him all the time that he has been more than enough to him, the people from their abandoned website would always call him out and spread hate for his sudden disappearance.

It was a good thing no one knew of his identity. Otherwise he would be hunt down and they'd have to move to places as if they were criminals.

"Keiji," placing his mug down at the table, he moves to his side closer to Akaashi, taking his hand away from his lap and holding it, "Would you be sad if I was the only person who loves you?"

Akaashi never had anyone that loved him so much other than his late mother. Like him, she was born with this gift. His father though, had left the both of them when he knew about their gifts. Angry of why they didn't do something of Japan's situation and cursing his mother for being a selfish woman, leaving her to fulfill her duty until her dying breath and disappearing without a sense of peace.

His words and the people's demands had gone through his head and haunted him. He believed that this was why he was born different. Why he was born with this so called, "gift". He was born to serve other's and grant their request to summon the sun. Nothing more, nothing less. Fulfill his duty to the bitter end.

And Bokuto had proved him othwise.

"From now on, live for yourself, Keiji. You can't give everyone what they want and not leave something for you."

Those were the words he remembered the day he had shown his transparent torso. The words that had made his eyes shed tears and his whole world change.

"I am beyond already happy and blessed to have you as my lover, Kou. And you loving me makes me question why I deserve someone like you," he places his palm on his cheek, stroking it lovingly as he stares back into his golden eyes, "Of course I am happy that the person I love so much loves me as well. Even if he is the only one."

"Then this," glancing at the phine from the table with Akaashi's eyes following his. Returning back to their locked gaze, "They don't matter. Nothing matters but that, Keiji."

His eyes spoke a lot about his deep sadness and guilt. Bokuto pushes his hand away gently and pulls him onto his chest, letting Akaashi sit in between his legs and place his chin on his shoulder.

"Keiji, I don't want to wake up one day and see you gone from my sight."

Listening intensely as he feels his hair being weaved by his fingers, he allows his body to relax on Bokuto's hold and let's him continue.

"Not because you can make the sun appear. I don't care about those, I only care about you. I don't want you to disappear just to have your entire life serving people for their wants and not living yours."

Suddenly, his shoulder began to form a wet patch from the owl haired male, "I don't want to wake up alone again, Keiji..I don't want to lose the only person I've ever loved and didn't have enough time with him."

Like Akaashi, Bokuto had struggled with his own past. Always getting left behind for pursuing too much ambition. His parents not being able to provide him with the love and support he has envied from so many people. He had sought out on his own trying to find a reason for his living. Why he manages to maintain being a famous volleyball player even though he had no one tovbe proud of not only his talent, but his entire being.

Bokuto's body trembles and Akaashi started to feel himself get emotional and squeezed his arms around his torso. Bokuto sniffles a little before pushing himself off of his shoulder to look him in the eye once more.

"Keiji, to me I believe you are a Sunshine Boy. Not because you can raise the sun, but because you brighten the skies from my gloomy life ever since I've met you."

Eyes widened a little from his words, Bokuto removes his mist filled glasses and leans his forehead to his. Sighing out the emotion that had bubbled up in his chest.

"I believe you had more purpose in life than being like this. Maybe," placing both of his warm palms on Akaashi's cold face, wanting him to open his tear filled eyes.

"Maybe you were meant to live the life your mother wished she had."

A life that didn't pulled him down because of his gift. The life that didn't involve the people's complaints and demands. The life that only his happiness mattered.

"We've made a promise together back then."

Akaashi looks down at his hand, his ring finger occupied with a shining ring that fit perfectly and made his hand look more beautiful than they ever were. The one Bokuto had given the night of his confession.

"That we'd be together forever. That nothing else mattered than for us to find our happiness together."

Akaashi lets his tears fall from his eyes, allowing Bokuto to wipe them away quickly. He gives his lips a lingering kiss. Pouring out the emotions more than the rain outside their apartment.

"The hell with everyone in this world. I want you more than any blue sky. You're the real sun that brightens up my world, Akaashi. I knew what I was getting into the moment I fell inlove with you, there's no way in hell I'm throwing all of this away."

Sobs can be heard from the room, but the strong sense of devotion and love was there. Akaashi lets himself grow vulnerable, murmuring "I love you's" and "Thank you's", squeezing Bokuto as if his life depended on it. Afraid of what his mind could've done if Bokuto hadn't said those words to him immediately.

They both know that this weather wouldn't stop. But they also knew that the people's complaints about everything would never stop.

The hell with everything, they thought.

If being selfish meant letting an innocent life as Akaashi live longer and having the weather stay as it is, then so be it. Nothing is more precious than another ones life.

Nothing mattered to the two lovers as long as they had each other.

The weather can stay crazy, but that's how the entire world is, right?

You needed one thing that is sane in all this madness.

And to Bokuto?

That was Akaashi.

"Koutarou."

"Hm?"

Pushing himself off of his chest, Akaashi wipes his nose with his sleeve before speaking, "Don't you want to see the sun?" his words lacing with worry with his mind racing with thoughts.

Bokuto only smiles at him. Knowing already what he was going to answer, pinching his cheek in the process and grinning,

"I already am seeing the sun, Keiji. And its worth keeping bright more than anything."

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rixxy8173571m3w1p3 · 4 years

Text

The Truths Found On Petram Viridios IV (2/?)

A/n: I really enjoyed writing this chapter. Read Part 1

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Chapter 2: Getting Along

There was so much you still had to learn about mice and Salamandrian men; minus the mice part. You were surprised by V'gha's chattiness. Why, it was no sooner when you two had taken a seat that he began asking about your culture, interests, as well as to what you did for occupation. It seemed that he was fascinated by how both you and Zeta-7 lived; being that you were the only human he's officially met, he wanted answers for the questions which his home world's databases could not answer. You couldn't fool him when it came to your acquaintance with Rick as his neighbor, but you played it off by saying that he was the local mad scientist that everyone knew of but gave little importance to; it hurts you to say this, for he was worthy of the highest praise, with his extraordinary mind and his winsome personality, but V'gha was more familiar with Zeta-7 then you had known; it seemed Rick had a bigger reputation then you had thought, and the chemist hoped that he could make his acquaintance once all this was over; how he could be interested after all your initial rudeness was inspiring and in its own right.

You found his straightforward nature refreshing, albeit at times coming across as nosy, but first impressions at times gave allowances for this; to discover that despite how one may come across in passing, is not always the sincerest, true version of oneself. There was no malice or ill intent in his inquiries or reactions to your answers, and while you had redirected many of his questions, he didn't seem to mind; whatever you shared gave him delight. Over and over you wondered why Rick couldn't have been seated at this table, for this creature could have shared all that fascinated him with a fellow scientist and they could have debated in peace over theories and experiments; for your part, you would have sat there raptly, admiring the like-minded individuals who might or might not have been jealous at one point or another over understandings, discoveries and what not. As you two talked, you scanned the garden with your eyes, and searched for Rick, but couldn't spot his bowl cut anywhere; you trusted that he'd show up one way or another, but you hoped for sooner rather than later. In the meantime, you two discussed how fascinating the planet and its inhabitants were while making remarks on the flavor of the food "My soup is thin and looks as though I stuck my foot in it, but it tastes like honey." you commented as you set your spoon back down. "I'm not sure whether to drink it or to jar it."

"Neither. It's what your utensils will go in once you are done eating."

"Oh, I probably shouldn't have tasted it then."

"No harm will be done." he chuckled, which exposed his fine, sharp rows of teeth. "I've taken the liberty of scanning it to make sure."

If Zeta-7 had been here, he might've tried the utensil cleaner on purpose in the good ole' way of tasting the chemical when he should've tested it. Yet, since he wasn't here, you were ready to admit that you found V'gha a bit more intriguing then you had anticipated. When you had initially boarded the ship and met him upon entering a cabin, you were determined to despise him for you didn't want to appear weak in front of strangers, but it melted away as he decided to apologize once you two had reached your assigned table. Sure, you weren't really into reptiles, but whether it was how his skin glistened in the starlight, his intellect, or how his bright oval eyes seemed to bore into you as you spoke, it was somewhat flattering; you thought only Rick could make you feel this way; hopefully, it was his simple charm and newfound politeness, and nothing more. To ease the anxious thoughts which were building in your chest, you glanced at the empty third chair. "Do you think Noathamas is in trouble?"

"I'm not sure." he confessed in all seriousness. "After all, he did violate one of their laws which was not to eat any of the guests. I don't know what came over him, but hopefully, whatever consequences come his way, will simply be disciplinary action and nothing more."

"Yeah, that would be good."

Though, you blamed the fact that the knight had returned from battle not long ago, and might've been triggered by something done or said; you hoped he'd survive. To distract yourself further, you stabbed your synthesized meal. It was a mass of congealed worm meal, and you pretended to eat it, but you weren't really hungry; it was supposed to be calcium-rich if you were correct. "So," you wondered as you pushed away your dish. "where you're from, do you do stuff like this?"

"You mean attend formal gatherings where I'm not allowed to have fun? Or meet total strangers that I'd rather study then stand next to? Hmm, more often than I'd like. It does have its perks. I'm highly respected in my field and get paid well, but I don't get out much unless it's work-related. A majority of my free time is used to study journals or to sleep. Occasionally both."

"That's a bummer. Not the studying part, because that can be fun if it's a topic you're passionate about, but you strike me as someone who enjoys good company. I'm surprised that at this point you haven't mentioned hanging out with friends or family."

The pause in conversation didn't seem long enough for your liking, but neither was it short enough to keep its natural flow. There seemed to be a distant, far off look, as though he were staring through you, at someone else; longing; one which would've gone without notice if you hadn't been used to reading people who were like Rick; intelligent, curious, lonely people who were less like normal men, but were no less mortal, and not quite a machine. When he started, you hadn't expected the familiarity in his words. "I consider my lab as my friend and my lab samples as my family. It's where I am most of the time."

Before you met Rick, would he have said the same? Almost, for his inventions and things bought, made, or salvaged held meaning; he was very sentimental but desperate to cling on to good feelings; maybe, these two weren't so different. "I used to feel the same way about the characters I wrote," you started, wondering if this was a good idea. Yet, now that you've shared this much, you couldn't stop now. "and the stories which I typed for others consumption and entertainment. It's as though you spill and pour a bit of yourself into these dreams and passions. As a famous singer once sang, 'You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one.'"

"What a way to put it. I think I might've heard the song you quoted some years ago. I believe my satellites picked up the transmission."

You smiled at that. You had heard the stories, read the theories, and admired man's will of wanting to make contact with the unknown; if only they would have known what they were getting themselves into. It wasn't all bad, and could very much be as Star Trek would put it, 'To seek out new life and new civilizations. To boldly go where no man has gone before!' And to watch an intellectual man like Zeta-7 to almost wax poetic about the marvels and atrocities which were in the depths of space, and listening to how an alien admired what was in another quadrant of space, why it warmed your heart. "That's neat. It's funny," you admitted a bit quietly at first, then you raised your eyes towards him. "I'm not used to these kinds of events, but I gotta admit that it hasn't been so bad. You've made an otherwise tiresome task a joyful one."

You had long since noticed that his face was very stiff when it came to expressing emotions, but he still managed a smile that was no less winning. And unlike most of the evening there was an unaccountable silence. Till now, it seemed nothing could stop the Salamandrian from talking, but whatever had come over him went away as a danceable tune began to play, and you felt a subtle shift as he stood and wondered if you cared to dance. Keeping in mind the strict rules of this planet, you raised a brow, but he seemed to know what to do. "Come, I'll show you how it is done."

With a nod, you followed him all the while keeping a fair distance. Beneath your feet, you felt the bumpy path through your thin flats and relished the strong gust of wind that whipped your hair about. If you had closed your eyes, you could almost imagine yourself back home in Rick's backyard, remembering one of the first times you urged him to dance under the moonlit night, admiring how he colored when you realized it was a first for him; reluctant he stood on the patio unsure of what to do, but you smiled at him and told him there wasn't much to it because it was simply more romantic. Oh, how your heart ached for those days, but there wasn't much time to continue reminiscing, for you were dragged back to reality by the candor of the chemist's voice. "We're here."

On a raised platform was a honeycomb pattern of tiles, which illuminated when stepped on. V'gha took his place and stood very still until a see-through chamber enclosed him in. There was no panic or surprise, which led you to believe that he had done this before. In like manner, you followed his lead and took your place a few feet away and stood still until a chamber rose to encapsulate you in it. You felt a tightness in your chest, and took deep breaths in order not to panic, but a new tune began to play and it struck you with a sense of deja vu.

A glance at the stage revealed the appearance of a tall, veiled figure surrounded by six guards. You pressed a hand over your heart, feeling it quicken as he swiftly, but gently passed his fingers over a golden orbed plant which had very stiff leaves, and when it detected movement, it vibrated, and this, in turn, caused it to emanate a sound a little more delicate than that of a kalimba. Its melody seeped into your bones, buzzing against your skin, and in it you felt a sense of belonging and warmth to a moment. Along with the veiled figure was the being made of pure energy, whose voice added body to the already beautiful tune; flowers bloomed at high frequencies, and thread-thin roots spread along the stage and dance floor; illuminating at rhythmic intervals.

You imagined yourself dancing with Zeta-7, on a plane of nothingness; submerged in a viscous sweetness then rising to the surface; floating, falling, losing yourself in a funny world, with every intrinsic, idiosyncratic, and inviting thing in your path; laced fingers, shared breaths, surrounded by his warmth, secure in the nearness of him, and sure in his grasp; he was incandescently happy, and he was as much yourself as you were of him. "C-can you hear me princess?" he whispered.

You could hear him, but you couldn't answer. Lips ghosted over yours, whispering phrases you thought you recognized; haunting you; trying to tell you something of the utmost importance, but the song ceased, and the figure was gone; breaking the trance you hadn't known you'd been under. When the chamber returned from whence it had come, you followed V'gha back to the table; confused, embarrassed, lost, but with a sense of knowing. You thought to yourself that the veiled figure could've been Rick, for who else could evoke such feelings except for Rick; that or it truly was a tune which was out of this world. "You're quite a dancer." he commented, which interrupted your thoughts.

"What are you talking about? I didn't do anything."

Taking a sip of his murky beverage, he explained. "There is no physical dancing done on this planet, except to those exclusively done by royalty and that of the Milleannos guardians. What the rest of us did, including yourself, was dance with our soul. None of us can really discern what the other is dancing to, which makes it appropriate and is in line with the laws, but while the others might not have understood what you were about, I could tell from the bliss which you exhibited on your face when we came back this way. It made me conclude you had enjoyed yourself. Call it instinct, but I believe this is the happiest you've been all evening."

Again, he wasn't wrong. Yet, how could you not know? It's possible that Zeta-7 didn't know it would take place either. You remembered how you felt, how real and tangible it seemed, but if that was the case, were you really dancing with Rick, or the idea of him? Did it matter?

The music now, albeit stimulating, was light and nearly silent as though someone was lightly humming. It was not as provoking as the tune earlier had been, but perhaps the experience you had was exclusive to your own feelings. "I did enjoy myself," you replied. "did you?"

"It was fascinating," he admitted smoothly. "but I much more prefer the view of all twenty-nine of this planet's moons. I cannot study the intangible thought of a feeling."

"If it helps, I much would've preferred regular dancing, but the experience...it's… it's one I wouldn't mind trying again."

One you wouldn't mind trying again, but only with Rick.

Tbc

#Doofus Rick #Doofus Rick x reader #rick sanchez x reader #Rick Sanchez #multi chapter #j19ζ7 #rick j19z7 #rick j19zeta7 #j19zeta7 #j19z7 #My writing #My works #my fanfiction #Fanfiction #rick and morty fanfiction #Rnm #Rick and morty #Rnm fanfic

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iamoncewas · 5 years

Text

By the end of KH3 Sora has become aware of his "fate". He says he knows that it will lead him "home". YMX told Sora he was done, and his time in this world was over. We see in the secret ending that he is not home, and is, I think, in the "abyss." Where no one should be able to find him. So why would the intro monologue suggest his mental state when he seems to be in a not great situation?

Sora's home is Destiny Islands. I believe Sora, Kairi, and Riku and their name choices reflect the island itself, land in the middle of sea and sky. The island itself then, is Riku. Their home. So one of the intended meanings of this statement, I think, is that Sora now knows that what he feels for Riku is beyond friendship, or romance: it's fate. He knows that they are fundamentally connected, and even though they are seperate they are a greater whole. They were destined to be by each others' side. He shows that he kind of instinctively knows this in DDD, but he doesn't yet understand the scope. But Joshua gets it.

Even though Sora is lost in the deepest darkness and no one should be able to find him, Riku does. They are seperated, but they aren't. This is what the Power of Waking was intended for, traversing hearts to reach worlds. Riku was led by Sora's heart. Sora also used the power correctly when he opened the door to the Realm of Darkness following Riku and Aqua's hearts, and when he woke Ventus.

When they do their Mark of Mastery exam, which Sora only agrees to after hearing Riku question if he himself is still worthy to wield, it culminates in Riku literally unlocking Sora's heart. Once Sora is freed from the Armored Ventus Nightmare [which I think was Vanitas possessing Ventus's armor] he sinks deeper into his heart's darkness. Riku picks up Sora's dropped Kingdom Key, which was once his, to do this, instead of using Way to the Dawn. Keyblades could be said to be the key to ones heart, and he gave his to Sora. He then used it to unlock Sora's heart, freeing him. This is literal and metaphorical, and I think this is why, in KH3, Sora can now Formchange instead of using Drive Forms. Drive Forms incurred a penalty for overuse in Anti Form. Formchanges do not, and I think this is Sora's true power as a keyblade wielder, the ability to change the manifestations of his keyblade, and to be able to wield so fluidly. Which is why they no longer incur a penalty, because Sora is using his powers as a keyblade wielder properly for the first time. Final Form has been replaced with Ultimate Form, which is Sora's true... ultimate form.

So Sora did achieve the Power of Waking during his exam, and like Ventus said, he never lost it.

So then why the hell did Yen Sid only name Riku a Master if Sora achieved all this power? Why did he send Sora to find the Power of Waking when he already had it?

Because Riku discovered the source of true strength, which is what truly matters; true love. His motivation is Sora.

This is that "untold power and wisdom" Kingdom Hearts holds that people covet so much and start Keyblade Wars over. It's just the power of true love. And it resides in every heart.

While Sora was affected by Riku unlocking his heart, Yen Sid knows that he hasn't yet discovered what the source of his true strength is, his love for Riku. Which is why he sends him right on over to Hercules, so Herc can tell him about his act of sacrifice for Meg. Yen Sid knows what's up, which makes me think he might have the Book of Prophecies and is aware of Sora and Riku's ultimate importance.

While Sora derps around Olympus, Riku and Mickey talk about his newfound inner strength, his resolve, and how it comes from his desire to protect what matters. Sora. When Way to the Dawn breaks, this is reference to him completely overcoming the darkness within him, his jealousy, fear, doubt. It manifested from Soul Eater, which manifested from his heart's darkness. His new keyblade is Braveheart. It has 9 notches, the 7 at the tip I believe representing the hearts of the 7 Princesses, the 7 Pure Lights. And the other 2 near the hilt representing himself and Sora. It also has a Mickey token, whereas Way to the Dawn did not. This is significant because the only other keyblades with Mickey tokens are the Kingdom Keys. So Braveheart is of the same nature as Kingdom Key, directly tied to Kingdom Hearts. And Riku and Sora's combined keyblade, when complete, has a Hidden Mickey near the hilt.

It's hard to tell when Sora actually realizes that's hes meant to be with Riku. In the tunnel, after rescuing everyone's heart but Kairi's, when he finds her, he gives her all the credit for his surviving. So this to me implies that when he said this, he didn't get it yet, since he doesnt mention Riku at all. And he says the light was her even though he instinctively called out Riku's name when he first saw it, contradicting himself.

But right after that it shows scenes of Rapunzel and Eugene, and Anna and Elsa after their respective acts of sacrifice. Specifically, it shows the joyful embraces afterwards. In Arendelle that scene went like this:

This is when he realized what exactly Riku was saying to him through his act of self sacrifice. Which was, "I love you." And I think he also realizes that love is what reversed death in both of these cases. Like Elsa says, "Of course. Love!"

And then upon arriving back, this happens.

When he reached for that light, I think he saw Riku reaching out to him [which has kind of become his... signature stance, reaching out his hand to Sora]. Even though Riku isn't standing there when they arrive. Nobody is. Which is why he looks so flabbergasted that theres nothing there. Sweet Kairi then asks him if hes okay, and shes talking about on an emotional level. Kairi knows Sora had a profound realization through this ordeal. Kairi knows. So I think Sora also knows at this point, which would have been the turning point in the timeline. So in the first timeline that ended with Riku's death, he apparently didn't get the message for whatever reason. He never heard Riku's "I love you." Or, if he did, he did not take it seriously enough. [I'm now convinced one of the stars in the Final World was the Riku who died in the original timeline, and he showed Sora those visions. If it was, this would have been why Sora didn't get the message originally. Because Riku wasn't dead yet. So this Riku star is waiting in the Final World for HIS Sora, the Master of Masters. Who isn't dead. Once the MoM gives his heart to the present Riku and is healed, I believe he will pass on like Repliku did, and join his Riku in death. He won't need to exist, because the world already has Sora. Like what Repliku said to Riku.][Also, its heartbreaking that Riku had to die for Sora to realize how much he means to him. Keep in mind the meanings of the Re:Mind title Nomura gave: reminder, being reminded of something, reconfirmation, confirming it AGAIN, and hearts regeneration.]

Data-Namine said Sora had very painful memories that would be too much for him if he became aware of them, but they are not his memories. I believe there are memories in there related to the fact that he was going to have to choose between Riku and Kairi eventually. He originally sacrificed Riku to save Kairi and he lost everything. In chess, any piece except the king may be sacrificed.

Kairi's sacrifice allowed Riku to live in this timeline. [I see people refer to what happened to Kairi as fridging, but really, it was a sacrifice that I believe she was aware had to happen. A noble act of true love, just like Riku's act of self sacrifice] So to me this confirms my suspicion that Foreteller Ava is Kairi/Namine/Xion. Which is why she never appeared in the Epilogue. She carried out her role, which was to ensure the survival of the light. And she did. Riku survived through Kairi's sacrifice [showing that Kairi holds immense love for both Sora and Riku]. This is why, when she questioned the Master about her given role, if she were the right person for it, he replied thusly:

The 7 hearts that must be saved not only referred to Sora's friends after their death, but also to the hearts of the Master and his 6 Apprentices. Ava has been saved. She is safe, or the... many manifestations of her are. The others still have parts to play, and Sora is now following his heart to Riku, [his fate] and as long as he does that, they will be saved. I also find Ava to have the most devotion to, belief in, and trust in their Master than any of the others. I find this parallel to Kairi's unwavering belief in Sora. Only Luxu may have equal devotion, weirdly enough. He went through quite alot at the will of his Master, and his face shows it.

Gula's role was to find the traitor and stop them. I believe Gula must be Demyx. This just sounds dumb, since Gula is so cool and Demyx is a goon. But there is one Demyx moment everyone remembers because it was so very out of character for him.

While many Org members referred to Sora as traitor in reference to Roxas, I believe this is a hint to Demyx's past, now that its confirmed that hes an ancient keyblade wielder. And like he says to Sora:

So Demyx/Gula will play a part in Sora and Vanitas's reunion. If Vanitas's heart is lost Sora will never be complete, so they must unite in order for Sora to become what he was destined to be, the Master of Masters. Along with Riku, the True King, they will be the World's defenders, just what Kingdom Hearts made them for, and what their entire journey has led to. Everything happened exactly the way it had to for them to become what they are.

Almost like it was their fate or something.

#kh3 spoilers #soriku endgame actually #kh3 theory #kh theories #soriku #kh spoilers #riku is the light #master of masters #this post is killing me with gifs not working so replaced them with screenshots lol

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charmingpplincardigans · 5 years

Text

Here are some things that I love:

Crowley

This Kiki Smith sculpture that I spent A LOT of time staring at while it was at the MFA in Boston

Crowley and Aziraphale’s combined post-Apocalypse love language being a desire to meet each other in the middle of their respective becomings and still having to work out all the kinks in that.

There is no purpose to this and I don’t even know if it’s worth putting on AO3, but here, for people who also like it when angels and demons discuss art.

. . .

They hadn't properly been to a museum together in a couple of years. Of all the places the two of them met up during the anti-christ years, museums had been Crowley’s favorite. As spaces they were just so...human. Not that there were many places you could go on the planet to escape humanity if you wanted to, but museums tended to be one of those places of unguarded emotion. It was enough to make a demon reconsider his place in the world, which he supposed was the point.

Crowley had been to a few opening nights at galleries without Aziraphale, but those pit stops hadn't been about Art so much as they'd been about the stark distinction between the solace art can bring to a soul and the greed, avarice, and lust that usually floated around circles of artists. Easy temptations as those things went.

Strictly speaking, whenever Crowley met Aziraphale at a gallery before the Apocalyse That Wasn't, that had not been about Art either, but distracting Aziraphale and coaxing him into a contemplative mood about the nature of humanity as represented in chaotic drip and splatter paintings or calm, staid blocks of color was an even easier temptation than the ones he pulled on the artists. Probably because he knew Aziraphale so very well and was well-versed in his opinion on wine and canapes to be had at quaint little bars inside museums. The angel's opinion was, almost unwaveringly, strongly in favor.

This time it was about the art. Outwardly and ostensibly, anyway. Inwardly it was also about the itch that had been working its way down Crowley's back like the universe’s slowest drop of infernal sweat for the last month or so. Once a being became used to looking over their shoulder they would be doing it for the rest of their life. Just because the thing they expected to find there had stopped looking at them did not mean the being could just accept they were free and move on with their lives sans hunted and haunted feeling. Crowley and Aziraphale had effectively scared off Heaven and Hell for the time being, but that didn't mean they'd scared them off forever, and there were ever so many seconds between now and forever when Crowley's growing paranoia might prove itself well-founded.

(Update, now on AO3 after all, if you prefer to read there.)

Because of this, staying in one place became harder and harder every day. He had not yet successfully convinced Aziraphale to truly get out of dodge, though he’d floated many tempting destinations: the cusp of the aurora borealis, a dynamic volcano range on Venus, Iceland. The angel resisted every invitation. He claimed he needed to do inventory on the newly restored bookshop, which quickly turned into what might be a several year long effort to re-read everything in it and check Adam's handiwork for discrepancies. But even with this undertaking Crowley had successfully gotten him out of the shop a few times.

Usually that happened when Crowley became so tired of sitting in patches of sun and pretending to be interested in Foucault that he threatened to go somewhere else on his own and Aziraphale, who had been reluctant to let the demon out of his sight since they'd been returned to Earth more or less unharmed, promptly closed up the shop and offered to come with him. Crowley was still working out how he felt about this development, but for now he more or less approved.

They didn't have to hide anything anymore, which meant he didn't have to hide how important their shared history was to him and how much genuine pleasure he got from luring Aziraphale out on small adventures. Which was how they now found themselves in an art museum looking at a sculpture titled Lilith and comparing it to their memory of the real thing.

"She looks hungry," Aziraphale said. "Did that girl ever look so hungry to you? Do you remember?"

He had his head tilted back to look up at where the life sized sculpture was mounted above them on the wall. His left hand rested in the front pocket of his overcoat, but his right arm hung at his side, pinky just barely brushing against the back of Crowley's hand, a gentle reminder that they were both still there.

"They were all made hungry at first, weren't they? For each other and for the horizon? Insurance, I’d say."

Crowley had his right arm crossed behind his back, holding the elbow of his left close to his side. It was to keep himself in check. As much as Aziraphale did not like to take his eyes of Crowley in this shiny new world, Crowley did not like to take his hands off Aziraphale.

They were both fighting millennia of incompatible conditioning in their own ways. Some days it resulted in time spent pressed together and getting so wrapped up in each other's bodies they forgot to speak. Some days it resulted in arguments neither of them knew how not to have. It was all very different from the bickering and careless touching that had come before. The weight of their changing relationship was heavily yoked across Crowley's shoulders, but it was a weight he welcomed.

"To make sure the hard work was appreciated, you mean?" Aziraphale asked.

"To make sure everything got kicked off. You don't think They had us make all of that just to let Their creation be contained to one small walled in oasis in the desert? Come on, angel. You know better than that."

Aziraphale cleared his throat. "Why shouldn't I believe She wanted them to be happy, to revel in the beauty gifted them?"

"Angel," Crowley said.

It was half admonishment and half question. After everything, finally, Aziraphale had to know that the Almighty's intentions weren't universally good for those in Their charge. The two of them were proof of that. Or, at the very least, they were proof that just because machinations had been put into place, that didn't mean they were worthy of being seen through. Or that the beings doing the overseeing wouldn't twist them to their own ends when left to their own, bloodthirsty druthers.

He turned his head to look at Aziraphale's face. Aziraphale's blue eyes were staring steadily into the blue eyes of the sculpture. It really was very lifelike, with its clear, piercing eyes and the smoked, charred appearance of the bent and crouching body. One hand ground itself to the wall and one hand ended at the wrist as if it was meant to be disappearing into the boundary between them.

Myths circulated among some of the humans that Lilith had somehow straddled realms, that she conquered angels and birthed demons. Of course, no demons had been born of another body. All of them, to Crowley's knowledge, had been born of only the fault lines that ran through their own cracked shells. Crowley, who had many faults, had also once been charred all black and shadowed with the red of his wounds.

“The very making of them was a promise,” Aziraphale insisted.

“To who?” Crowley asked, incredulous. “There wasn’t anything to it. Here, have some green things and some new creatures and some teeth. Gnaw your way through the world, you’ll figure it out.”

“That was faith,” Aziraphale said. “And faith is perhaps the most important thing a being can have.”

He looked at Crowley with a fierceness in his eyes that reminded Crowley of kneeling on a tarmac and wondering, for just a second, what part of him was going to end up with a flaming sword in it. He still felt a little guilty for that fear, for being afraid of Aziraphale of all beings, but in his defense, a lot of acutely predicted unpredictable things had happened up to that point and he had quite lost his grip on the way things were supposed to be.

“Don’t know from faith,” Crowley grumbled. “The only thing I believe in is you.”

Aziraphale’s gaze softened considerably. “There was good to be found in Heaven when we were building,” he said. “Surely you remember that. And if there ever was good I think there still must be.”

“Good and altruism are not the same thing,” Crowley said. “Good can mean anything, depending.” They both knew that to be true. It was in fact the truth The Arrangement was predicated on.

"I'm just having a hard time of it, my dear," Aziraphale whispered. "I feel so...alone without all the rest of them, even after everything. Cut out, something has been cut out of me and while it is still hurting, it doesn't help when you gloat."

"I wasn't– " Crowley started, but he bit himself off.

Of course he was, though he hadn't meant to be. Not that his intention mattered when it was his utter certainty in the fallibility of Heaven that rubbed Aziraphale raw.

Crowley had tried for thousands of years to get Aziraphale to believe that they themselves were all they really had, and now they were. In theory he had won, but in practice they had both lost a lot. And while Crowley had never believed in Hell—because by its very nature Hell did not give demons things to believe in so much as it gave them a shared enemy in Heaven—Aziraphale had believed in Heaven. Wholly. With every part of himself.

Aziraphale was a creature of love so purposeful that he believed all angels were creatures of love, and that love was meant to be their purpose. Even when confronted with proof of the contrary, he never stopped believing his brethren could be better. Crowley was positive that Gabriel, for instance, would not be able to pick love out of a lineup if it offered itself up with an explanation, a prayer, and a perfectly tailored pair of trousers. Aziraphale, in contrast, didn't know how to let love go. He loved when it was a celebration and he loved when it was a wake. Aziraphale loved Crowley, against all odds, or maybe because of them. Maybe because of how odd the pair of them were, because they'd lived so long in each other's pockets it couldn't be helped.

Crowley loved Aziraphale because, well, the list was very long, but one of the bullets was definitely the way he was currently standing in a public art museum, eyes misting under the pressure of their new lives catching up to him. The new absences in both of them were heavy, but they were free to feel that heaviness, and wasn’t that something.

They could, perhaps in time, come to fill those absences with each other, but it would have to be done carefully, deliberately, and with the knowledge that it was impossible to make another being your whole world. It was also unfair. At the very least you needed to take up some of that space yourself. Just to give your beloved a place to come home to.

Crowley released his grip on his own elbow. He bumped Aziraphale's hand with his to warn him that there was movement incoming. Then he reached out, wrapped an arm around Aziraphale's shoulder, and pulled him close so that he could press a quick kiss to his forehead before letting Aziraphale tuck his face into Crowley's black, padded shoulder.

"I don't mean to gloat," he said. "But I won't lie to you either."

"No," Aziraphale said, voice muffled in Crowley's jacket collar. "I don't want you to. You never have have you?"

"Not when it mattered," Crowley said.

Aziraphale wiped at his eyes with a quick, small movement that Crowley pretended not to see.

"Do you remember what happened to her?” he asked. “I'm afraid I never made it a point to check up."

"Just as well. I'm sure she'd had enough of angels there by the time she'd been replaced. But yeah, she did alright. She survived for a time."

"They're all so very good at that," Aziraphale said. "They look fragile, but they're all so very resilient."

"So are we," Crowley said. "It's hard to tell sometimes whose image any of us were really made in."

Aziraphale reached across Crowley and grabbed a hold of his free hand. He squeezed it tight before loosening back into a more relaxed grip. They stood like that for another fifteen or so minutes while Aziraphale composed himself. He let out a few shaky breaths that Crowley would never mention, tilted his head up to kiss Crowley's cheek, and then pulled away.

The sudden emptiness at his side reminded Crowley that they likely weren't alone, but when he turned to survey their surroundings none of the handful of museum goers were paying them any mind.

"Where to now, angel?" Crowley said.

Aziraphale pulled the map from his pocket and studied it. “Oh look, he said, as he pointed to a purple square. “They have some Monets.”

Crowley sighed. “Fine. But I did tell him, I said Claude, if I see another water lily for the rest of my life it will be too soon.”

Aziraphale folded the map and slid it back into his pocket. “And what did he say to that?”

“That’s quite the point,” Crowley said, mimicking a French accent. “And then he went into that cathedral because he knew I couldn’t follow. The bastard.”

“Ah, Rouen,” Aziraphale said. “Well, you can’t argue with an impending sense of mortality anyway.” He stepped away from Crowley to move on to the next gallery.

Crowley took one last look at the frozen Lilith and then followed. “I’ll have you know I can argue with anything. Those were some nice sunsets though. He captured that alright.”

“Mmm, I remember Mesopotamia, right before the clouds rolled in. A sunset always could still that forked tongue of yours.”

“I’ll sssstill my tongue on you.”

Aziraphale laughed. The sound of it startled both Crowley and the humans near them. “Oh yes, I’m sure,” he said. “But let’s save that for later.”

Crowley trailed after Aziraphale and thought that, of all the promises available in the world, the promise of a later was his absolute favorite.

#good omens #crowley #aziraphale #ineffable husbands #art museum fun times #kiki smith #lilith #god i love that sculpture #i miss it something awful

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haven-raven012591 · 5 years

Text

Proud!

Couples: Finn Balor X OC Raven and Seth Rollins X OC Dylan

Appearances by: Becky Lunch

Warnings: Angst, Fluff, cussing, mentions of sex.

Authors Note: the Gif's are not mine!

No one knew who she was. No one would know until he was ready for them to know. It was insane that they had been able to keep their life together a secret for the last four years. Of course his family knew, his most important friends and the higher ups at WWE. But the fans, the Balor club had no idea he'd been dating her, let alone doing it for four years. This wasn't their longest relationships but for her at least it was the best. He was the best person to ever happen to her. She was happier with him than she had ever been.

"So what are we gonna do when you win tonight?" Raven asked as she laid her head in his lap. "We're goin ta celebrate." Finn said. "As like a normal couple would or like we celebrate?" Raven teased. "Aren't we a normal couple?" Finn asked grinning. "No." Raven snorted out. Finn leaned back and laughed. "Yer right were not and ya'll see I've got big plans for tonight, win or lose." Finn said. "Oh?" Raven asked. She sat up and pecked his lips. "Tonight will be an amazin night in and out of the ring, I love ya lass." Finn said.

She blushed and kissed him softly. "Love you too." Raven said. He pulled her into his lap and she wrapped her arms around his neck. "Ya better love me, no one else will." Finn said. She kissed him long and slow gripping the hair at the base of his head. "You are without a doubt the best person to ever happen to me Finn Balor." Raven said. "Lass." Finn said. She looked at him and put her hand on his heart. "You're all I've ever wanted." Raven assured him. He took her hand and kissed her palm. "Finn you're never like this baby, what's wrong?" Raven asked.

He kissed her tenderly. "Just nervous." Finn said against her lips. "Don't be, I believe in you baby and I know you'll win." Raven said. He kissed her again and she held him close. "I have ta go." Finn said. "Ok baby I'll be there later." Raven said. He got up and dropped her on the bed. She laughed and he grabbed his jacket. "Wait, Finn I almost forgot." Raven said as she bounced off the bed. She gave him a box and he opened it. "What is it?" Finn asked. She put the bracelet on him and smiled. "It's a distance bracelet I have the matching one." Raven said.

She showed him the white one with the black bead. He put it on her and she smiled. "For when I go home and you're on the road." Raven said. "Move in wit me." Finn blurted out. "What?" Raven asked. "Please, we've been tageter for four years I'm tired of goin home and wantin ya ta be tere!" Finn said. She giggled and kissed him long and slow. "Yes." Raven whispered to his lips. He picked her up and kissed her passionately as he pressed her against the wall. "Sat it again lass." Finn growled as he kissed her neck.

"If you bite me." Raven breathed. He tilted her head back with his thumb and kissed her throat. "Finn." Raven moaned. He bit her hard as he laid her on the bed. Her body trembled under his and he growled against her neck. "Yes Finn, yes I'll marry you." Raven said. He pulled back and she blinked covering her mouth. She didn't know what he was gonna do and it scared her a little. His eyes were so blue as the dying sun light hit them. "Finn, I'm sorry." Raven panted. "I have ta go." Finn said and left.

She broke down and curled up. He made it to the lobby and went back up. Knocking on her door he could hear her crying. "Go away I don't wanna talk to anyone." Raven said. "Raven." Finn said. She ran to the door and opened it. "Baby I'm so sorry I do..." Raven was cut off by this searing kiss. "Don't lass, don't fuckin apologize." Finn said. He backed her up and shut the door. "B...but I meant to say I'll move in not I'll marry you, i mean I would gladly but you don't want that right now." Raven said. He kissed her again keeping her head in his hands.

"Don't say tat." Finn breathed. she looked at him and pulls his hands from her face. "Finn, do you?" Raven asked. "I want ya as mine I do." Finn admitted. "I am." Raven said. He hugged her and kissed her neck. Her brown black hair was so soft between his fingers. "I'll see ya later lass, I love you so much my Raven." Finn said. "I love you too my Finn." Raven whispered. She held onto him and wouldn't let go. "I'd love to move in with you Finn, I'm so excited to start this new part of our lives." Raven said. "Ya have ta let go first." Finn teased.

"Not ever." Raven breathed. He pulled back and kissed away the tears. "Shh beautiful." Finn soothed. "You scared me, Finn." Raven said. He kissed her passionately. She gripped his shoulders and he held her tightly. "I have ta go lass." Finn said. She nodded and caressed his cheek, looking deep into his eyes. "Don't ya dare." Finn said. "I have to." Raven said. He backed her into a wall. "No, i won't let ya apologize again." Finn growled. He walked to the door. "Ok baby." Raven said and smiled. Finn went to the door.

"Finn!" Seth called. Raven let him go and he left. She had no idea what was going on. Seth looked at him and smirked. "You ask her yet?" Seth asked. "No." Finn snapped. "What's wrong man?" Seth asked. "I...I froze Seth." Finn said as he looked at his friend. "You froze, so what did you ask her?" Seth asked. "If she'd move in with me." Finn said. "Ok not a bad start." Seth said. Seth's phone rang and he answered it and stopped walking. "No, stay right there I'm coming." Seth said. Finn looked at him.

"You get your ass to the arena before they decided to give your spot away." Seth said. "Ok, see ya tere." Finn said. Seth nodded and turned running back to Finn and Ravens room. She opened the door and he looked at her. "What's wrong, Raven?" Seth asked. "I don't know Seth, he's acting so weird and he asked me to move in, and then I said I'd marry him." Raven said as she sniffed. Seth hugged her tightly and kissed the top of her head. "Wear the new dress you bought for tonight and when you get to the arena get Dylan to fix your make up and hair." Seth said.

She grabbed her dress and things going into the bathroom. "Close your eyes." Raven called after a little bit. "They are." Seth called. She came out and fixed it over her curves. "O...ok Seth." Raven stumbled. Seth opened his eyes and he smiled as he thought about how lucky Finn was. "Holy shit." Seth said. "Too much, I mean the red matches his trunks." Raven babbled. The light burgundy color of the dress picked up the red in her cheeks as she blushed. "No not at all, he'll love the surprise." Seth said. They left and she played with her necklace Finn had given her at Christmas.

"Oh, Dylan's been wondering what that is." Seth said. "It's a Celtic shield knot." Raven said softly. "Hey it's ok, hes gonna love you being around the ring and backstage after his match." Seth said. "I don't know Seth." Raven said. He took her hand. "Relax." Seth said. Once they got there and she sat in Dylan's chair everything bubbled out. "Darlin he's gonna love you in this dress." Dylan said. "I'm kinda nervous about what's under it." Raven said. Dylan moved and looked at Raven in the eyes. "You two have right i mean in four years!" Dylan said.

"Heavy petting." Raven breathed. "What the fuck?" Dylan breathed. She sat down and looked at Raven taking her hands. "Why?" Dylan asked. "I have to go to my seat I'll see you later." Raven said. "Ra, hey answer me first." Dylan said. "He starts to then stops, like I'm not good enough or he doesn't like what he sees when I'm naked." Raven said. Dylan held her hand tighter. "Raven." Finn said. She turned and stood up. He looked her over and she blushed. "I need to go to my seat." Raven said and walked away.

Finn ran after her and she looked up at him. "Ya look amazin, lass." Finn said. "Why haven't you, why haven't we...it's done, were done." Raven said and ran away. He stood there dumbfounded. "Finn." Dylan said. He looked at her with tears in his eyes. "Oh Finn what happened?" Dylan asked. "She left me, she wanted to ask someting ten she said we were done." Finn said. Dylan covered her mouth and ran after her. "Ra stop!" Dylan said. She turned and looked at her best friend. "Talk to him just please talk to him." Dylan said.

"I can't feel my hands, Dylan." Raven sobbed. Finn ran up and Raven looked at him. He went to her and she looked at him. "Why haven't you taken me Finn, in four years we've come so close but you've never fucked me." Raven asked. He saw the sadness in her eyes and he kissed her heatedly. She shivered and he cupped her cheek. "Because I don't want ta fuck ya Raven, I want ya so bad sometimes but I don't tink, yer too pure for me." Finn babbled. She touched his heart and looked into his eyes. "Goodbye Finn." Raven breathed.

She walked to her seat and sat down. She watched Sasha and Bayley win and then Shane and the Miz lose. When Myriese said she was going to have another baby Raven started crying. She wanted a baby and god she wanted Finn but it was obvious she was the problem. His music hit and she stood up and watched him walk to the ring. He paused and looked at her then did his thing. When he took his jacket off he threw it to her. She looked at him and he smiled as he took the mic. He wasn't going to do this, it was so against his nature.

"As ya can see I trew my jacket ta a beautiful woman." Finn said. The crowd cheered and she held onto the jacket harder. "Come here, Raven please." Finn said. She went around and came up the steps. He sat on the second rope and she got into the ring. He lowered the mic and cupped her cheek. "Because I don't feel worthy of ya, Raven." Finn said softly. "You stupid boy you're all I've ever wanted of course you're worthy I want you to have that gift." Raven said softly. He pulled her close and kissed her passionately as his fingers ran into her hair.

She melted against him and the crowed cheered them. "Finn." Raven breathed. "Watch tis." Finn said and kissed her again. She laughed and he put the mic up. "Tis is Raven, and she's my beautiful, girlfriend." Finn said on a huge grin. Raven trembled and he pulled her closer. "I have ta do tis before I lose my nerve." Finn said and dropped the mic as he cupped her cheeks. "No Finn, not out here." Raven said. She kissed him passionately and he put her jacket over her shoulders. "Go ten and I'll see ya soon." Finn said.

"Thank you for doing that Finn, you have no idea what that means to me." Raven said. He kissed her long and slow. Lashley's music hit and she went to her seat. As soon as the match started she was up screaming. It wasn't a long match but as soon as the refs hand hit the mat for the third time she was in tears. He was the new Intercontinental Champion! She ran back to the back and into his arms. "I am so proud of you!" Raven said as she hugged him. "Tanks lass, I can't believe I did it!" Finn said.

She laughed and laid her forehead to his. "I can Champ, you're just that damn good." Raven said. He yanked her against him. He was sweety and his hair was a mess but she didn't care. "How about a kiss for yer new champion?" Finn teased. She caressed his cheek and kissed him long and slow. He pulled her into his arms and wrapped her legs around his waist. She ran her fingers into his hair and gripped at the short silky strands as he pinned her to a crate. He growled and pulled back.

"I want ya, I've always wanted ya Raven, yer just so pure and I feel unworty of ya." Finn said. She kissed his forehead softly and stroked his cheek. "I'm more in love with you than ever before Finn Balor, and would be honored to give you a gift I've been saving." Raven said. "I feel so honored Raven." Finn said. She kissed him slowly and smiled. "First your photo shoot champ, then we'll go celebrate with Dylan and Seth." Raven said. He kissed her long and slow. "First come wit me." Finn said excitedly. He put her down then took her hand.

They walked back to his dressing. He called Dylan and Seth over with Becky. "I want ta have a life wit ya, I want ta have ya move in wit me but also have ya as my wife." Finn said. "What?" Raven breathed. "I want ya ta be my wife!" Finn said. Raven started crying and shook her head. "Raven, my love." Finn said. "Yes!" Raven squealed and hugged him. He kissed her and she held onto him trembling. She smiled at him as he slid the ring on her finger. She looked at it and then showed everyone. "How things change in a few hours." Seth said.

"I know!" Raven cried. She held onto Finn and he stroked her hair. "Finn." Guy called. He looked at Raven. "I have ta go." Finn said. "I am so proud of you Finn, new Intercontinental Champion." Raven said. He kissed her long and slow. "I love you so much." Finn said. "I love you too." Raven said. They kissed again and he went to do his first photoshoot. "Yer a good match for him." Becky said. "I'm going to try to be." Raven said. "I know ya are." Becky said. "All I know right now is that I'm so very proud of him!" Raven said. They watched him doing his photo shoot and the feeling of pride seemed to grow with every photo taken.

@thegloriousdisaster @kittysilver86 @scuzmunkie @team-elias @alexnine @lauri3strode @hardyfangirl3 @balorbj @balordominion @loveroflive78 @wrestlingxbalorxrollins @adriennegabriella @soulofaravenheartofawolf @ladylucksposts @livelifebeautifully81 @calwitch @briqueenofthenorth @2sweetqueen @meremaidqueen @queenofthearchitect @dolphinpink310 @mohawkmama @alternateafterthought

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