#i loved writing this so much and i loved collaborating with sleepie on this
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the prince's physician
Twisted Wonderland | 3.7k
Summary: Malleus is the prince’s physician. He reflects on everything his role entails.
AO3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/52875436
Collaboration with @ohsleepie | Potential spoilers for elements of Chapter 7
Hello everyone! This fic is directly inspired by @ohsleepie's wonderful "The Prince and his Physician" AU, and wound up being an impromptu collaboration featuring absolutely stunning and incredible art drawn by Sleepie himself! Please check him out and follow him!
I'm so happy to share this, and I hope that you all enjoy it!
The days between the prince’s passing and his inevitable reincarnation always feel the longest to Malleus.
Time, as it is, is a slow-paced thing; such is life for him as the last of his kind, a single year feeling far more miniscule for him than it does for a human. Malleus loses track of the days easily, slips up on his months and years. He is only aware of the passage of time through distant observations of festivities — celebrations to herald in a new year, for one, or the prince’s birthday, for another.
But rather than track the time through each changing year, Malleus tracks them in cycles of Silver’s life and death.
With each new reincarnation, each new cycle brought anew, something imperceptible shifts in the air. A rebirth means many things — to the kingdom’s populace, it is yet another year of a curse yet unbroken; to Malleus, it is a tangible, physical mark of his failures. But failures aside, there is something so jarring, so off-putting, about seeing the nursemaids and servants whisk a cradle through the halls of the castle, a cradle Malleus knows the contents of.
It is Silver, always Silver, a slumbering baby identical to the dozens that came before him — wispy locks of silver hair that plaster against his forehead, pudgy hands and chubby cheeks, and when he opens his eyes, those same, breathtaking hues of the brightest auroras.
Malleus always stops and stares whenever these moments occur. For an instant, his breath is stolen right from his throat by some unseen thief; his mind dredges up memories of when he, himself, was young, stirring to life old cycles when he was but a child himself, unable to comprehend Silver’s passing and subsequent return. It had taken him quite some time to grasp all of it — but then again, could one truly blame Malleus when his guardian figure, the kindly young prince his age who took him in and treated him well, had died in bed, only to reappear as a wee babe?
But when Silver returns, Malleus feels as though he can breathe again, an invisible knot in his throat loosened.
Because when Silver is gone, Malleus feels… useless, for lack of a better word. His own memories of his childhood are haphazard and spotty, mainly made up of foggy recollections of surviving in the harsh brambles of fae forests. For many, many years, he has found a purpose, was given one through being brought to this human kingdom: break our prince’s curse, and save him from Death’s unyielding grip.
There are few here who deign to interact with him beyond courteous pleasantries. They turn their noses up at him, eyes narrowing, lips twisting; it is fae, they whisper to each other, voices dripping with venom. If not for its magic, its prowess, surely we would have left it to die.
Silver is kind to him, has always been ever since he was young. So is it truly so shocking that Malleus feels so lost with him gone, and feels so relieved whenever he returns?
(And yet, intermingled with the relief, buried underneath such feelings of solace, there lurks another monster. A sense of guilt which festers, slowly growing over time.
An old memory rises whenever Malleus reflects on it for too long, of Silver’s voice:
“I wish for you to break my curse, Malleus. But I do not want to be immortal. My people have suffered for far too long, unable to grow and prosper due to my unending fate.”
He remembers a soft, sad smile.
“To relieve them of that burden, to allow them to grow with my final passing… that is what I wish for, above all else.”)
“How are you feeling today, your majesty?”
It is always odd, with each new cycle. To reacquaint himself with this new Silver — so much like the one before, in his appearance and demeanour, yet lacking the full memories of his past. Malleus knows Silver recalls just enough, especially when aided with the meticulous journals his previous incarnations have kept, but it is jarring, all the same, to reintroduce himself to someone he has known for many, many decades.
Silver blinks at him from the bed, the four-poster frame draped with too many silks and gauzes, too big for a boy of his size. His eyes are tinged with crusts of sleep, bags forming under them despite the medicines and foods they all have him eat, and yet there is such a strange tranquillity resting in his expression whenever Malleus sees him. “I’m quite alright, Malleus,” he responds, voice scarcely a whisper, soft and sweet. “And you don’t need to call me such formalities. We’ve been over this many times.”
Malleus exhales, the breath slipping through his nose.
No matter how many times Silver tells him as such — and it has been plentiful, through Silvers young and old, of different years, different decades, different centuries — Malleus still abides by such titles, at least when he first speaks to him. It gets easier as the years pass, as he acquaints himself a bit closer, as Silver inches closer to another inevitable death, but all the same—
“You are to be his physician,” a voice instructs him, the memory looming to life once more, “and you do not stand on equal ground with him. As such, you are to abide by our formalities: he is to be referred to as ‘your majesty,’ and nothing else.”
“Prince Silver,” Malleus says instead, the title a little clunky on his tongue. Silver raises an eyebrow at him, but does not push. He merely sits in place as Malleus walks over, his heels clicking against the floor, tail lashing behind the fabrics of his half-skirt. “Allow me to check you over today, if you will.”
“At this point, you need not even ask.”
The days go by the same way they always do: Malleus inspects Silver over carefully, running careful hands over every inch of his body before he adjusts his magic, and delves deeper into the beyond. His instincts are carefully attuned for any little change, anything he has never seen or felt before — any anomaly at all could give a new direction for him to research in, and a new possibility of a means to break the curse.
(He refuses to let himself think too hard about what breaking the curse truly entails. Malleus has ruminated over it over the course of many, many cycles, laying wide awake in bed, staring up at elegantly painted murals on the ceiling in the dark of night. It is always the same thing — should he abide by the kingdom’s wishes, or by his prince’s?
In the end, regardless of which route he chooses, Malleus shall break the curse. But it is the eternal dilemma presented to him that tangles his soul day after day — what would truly be better, to let Silver live past the ages of youth and mature into an all-powerful, immortal king? Or to let him die in peace, freeing his people from the burdens of a monarchy, their hopes and dreams all inextricably tied to their young and dying prince?
And, to another extent, the other part of the question Malleus thinks about, what does he want himself?
There is a part of him that feels such vibrant joy and pride at the thought of Silver thriving — to live as long as Malleus shall, if not even longer; to rule with his steadfastness and kindness, resolute as he heralds a new, immortal age of glory. Malleus knows little about the history of his own kind, but what tiny bits he can dredge up have taught him of a group of creatures with such power and perfection, such beauty and bravery. They thrived in the night, ruled from the shadows, creatures of such majestic, nigh-immortal magic with an arrogance that led to their own downfall.
As a fae himself, Malleus wonders if it is only natural for him to desire such things for Silver. To watch him grow into the ages he has never been able to reach before, to witness him at his fullest might and glory.
And yet, the mere thought of the stabbing betrayal in those auroral eyes, the sadness that may overcome those soft features, is enough to give him pause each and every time.)
He was young when they found him skulking about the brambles.
For as long as Malleus can remember, he has always been alone. Though he’s certain he remembers some sensations of warmth from before he came into being, of being cradled close in a loving embrace, all he remembers, through to his earliest memories, is of being alone.
And for such a lonely fae child, wandering about an overgrown, abandoned valley, what else was there for him to do but survive? To pounce about and gulp down whatever meals he could find, to curl up in the nooks of trees and little rock caverns to try and keep warm… and to hide in the brambles, slitted eyes peering at civilisation from afar.
He’d watched the daily lives of the human kingdom after finding out about their existence, when he was old enough to try and mimic a form similar to their own. Still, Malleus had been too scared to venture too close, some innate part of him screaming at him to stay away, and so he had simply observed from a distance… until one day, they found him.
He remembers little of that day now. It’s all a blur when he tries to recollect it — sharp grips tightening around his limbs as he kicked and thrashed, searing magic that ripped through his veins, burning those who tried to hurt him, being thrown and tossed about, immobilised by something that seared at his skin… All while screaming and yelling flooded the air, his heartbeat thumping chaotically in his ears, head spinning as his surroundings whirled about him—
And then it stopped.
And then there was Silver.
He was young then. That, Malleus recalls. He remembers everything after the pain and the panic with ease, of the way the young boy — just as young as he, with silver hair and such pretty, colourful eyes, and oh-so gentle hands — had removed the searing things that hurt him, and rubbed something that stung before it began to feel better.
“My name is Silver,” the boy told him, in a soft, kind voice that made Malleus feel… safe. “I’m sorry about the pain they caused you. I hope you’re feeling better now.”
Malleus understood him, of course, in some strange, innate way. But his tongue could not shape the same sounds that he heard, no matter how hard he tried. When he spoke, all he could manage was something that chimed and clicked, something Silver didn’t understand.
And yet, in spite of all that, Silver had such patience with him anyway. He allowed Malleus to stay by his side, to stay in his room, eating the same foods that he did — and what a treat they were, for a child who starved as long as he had! — and sleeping in his bed.
Time passed; his wounds healed. His tongue began to curl in all the right ways, taught painstakingly by Silver how to speak in his tongue in-between the periods of time where he had to disappear. Malleus relished in each and every day, the loneliness that haunted him for so long no longer looming over him like a shadow. Now, he had Silver—
Until he didn’t.
Silver hadn’t woken up one day, no matter how hard Malleus tried. Nudging him, shaking him, calling his name until his voice rose in a panic, and the door slammed open, footsteps thumping into the room. He’d been dragged away, kicking and screaming again, the same terror from years ago swelling up once more in his heart; the fire that sparked through his veins, the sheer agony and pain, the lurking realisation that he was alone again.
He remembers very little of those in-between days, the foggy haze of nothingness only pierced by a baby’s cry and the realisation that Silver had somehow returned. But it hadn’t been until years later, years of being stuck in a tiny little bedroom by himself, that Malleus could finally see him again.
Silver was younger now. Younger than Malleus himself. And finally, he explained it to him.
“I have a curse on me,” Silver told him, as simply as possible, as Malleus curled around him in his bed. “And other humans believe you can break it.”
Malleus blinked up at him, raising his head from the soft, downy cushions. “I… can?”
“You can,” Silver affirmed with a gentle smile, his voice high. He reached out, wrapping his arm around Malleus and bringing him close. “Because you’re a fae. You’re so strong. If anyone can help me, it’s you.”
The truth, of course, was far more complex than that simplistic explanation. The truth was that Silver’s curse itself was fae-inflicted and, considering the immense strength of the fair folk, only another fae’s skills would be able to eliminate the curse. But Malleus had been young, and Silver, despite his youth and the fact that he still barely recalled his own memories, was kind, trying to explain everything to Malleus as simply as possible: You are strong, and we believe in you. I believe in you.
And Malleus had accepted it, taking on his new role as the prince’s physician with a regal sort of pride.
Magic slinks through his veins as naturally as blood, the two intermingling and intertwining. It comes to him so easily, far more than even the most expert mages of the kingdom, who have spent decades of their mortal lives honing their skill to a perfect shine.
But for as naturally gifted as Malleus is, he lacks the proper training one should have. That is, not the training of human mages, for he has gone through many cycles worth of such a thing, but the training of a fae.
Fae magic is so distinctly different from that of humans, rooted in their very heart and soul, and in the power of the natural world around them. And though Malleus can adapt to his circumstances, taking what the reluctant tutors teach him and twisting it to suit his own strengths, there is only so much he can learn and do until he hits a wall, and gets stuck in one place.
If only there were other fae still alive, still out there. If only, Malleus thinks longingly, a swell of frustration burgeoning within him as he hits yet another blockade in another theory he’s been trying to test, the ink of his feathered quill dragging to a blotchy halt across the parchment as he struggles to pen what he’s been theorising into written words.
He hears the whispers of the court, day after day. Why isn’t there any progress? the humans ask, as though Malleus can flick his wrist and cure anything instantly. How many years has it been here? How much longer must we suffer? How much more must our prince wait?
And the thing is, Malleus desires nothing more than to be able to snap his fingers and dispel that wretched curse, all at once. But beyond other factors, such as Silver’s private request to him all that time ago to grant him a peaceful death and free his kingdom from the shackles of his immortality, there is the very fact that this is a fae curse, a complex, interweaving system of magic designed to loop Silver’s death, all while bringing him back every time. There is intent behind this convoluted spell, and save nothing short of somehow speaking to the caster himself, there is little Malleus can do but break it all down in reverse.
He rakes a hand through his hair, a growl spilling from his throat. The quill clatters to the table as he drags his hands down his face, biting back a haggard sigh.
The sound of knocking against wood.
“You may enter,” he calls, twisting in his chair to stare at the door.
The hinges squeak as it cracks open, revealing a guardsman who leers at him. “Your presence is requested,” they state, not bothering to hide their disdain, yet having enough basic courtesy not to let it spill into their words. “The council wishes to learn of your progress on breaking his majesty’s curse.”
Dark lips twist into an ugly sneer. The council, Malleus seethes. A group of uppity, stuck-up human nobles, who constantly die and get replaced with equally awful replacements, who keep breathing down his back about any meagre bits of progress he’s been able to make despite Silver’s attempts to get them to stop.
The downsides of Silver constantly reincarnating, needing to relearn everything all over again as he dives back through journals and jostles his own memories, is that he can’t always chase them away, telling them to leave his physician alone, and let him work. This is one of those times, it seems; Silver is too busy learning how to be a human being again, leaving Malleus stranded against a group of men who seem hellbent on making his very existence hell throughout what little bits of life they live.
But it is not as though he can deny a summons. For all his title as the prince’s physician, Malleus knows — has known for such a very long time — that his rank is meaningless without the very prince he serves.
“Tell them that I shall arrive in five minutes.” Picking up his quill, Malleus dips it back into a pot of ink, a furious frustration igniting the spark within him as he turns back to his incomplete report.
It is better than nothing, and that is worth something.
Malleus holds very little loyalty to this kingdom. What else is there for him, when he is destined to outlive everyone within it, and when they are all so bent on treating him as though he personally killed their families?
He is aware of the history between them and his own ancestors, the plentiful fae who used to share these lands until they waged war against the humans, slaughtering them in a painful, bloody battle. The humans had emerged victorious, all the fae driven out or slain, but it had come at the heavy cost of all their royals killed — except for one.
And for years, they had watched their prince grow with pride, until he had died before his coronation. And then it had happened again, and again, and again — they would find him as a baby nestled within a clearing in the nearby woods, identical in each and every iteration, and they would watch as he always died before arriving at his years of maturity, always while he was far too young.
A fae curse, they realised, far too late. How foolish they had been, to dismiss the magic struck against their prince! It is a fate worse than death, they lamented, their spirits growing weary with each new cycle. What shall we do?
Malleus is their answer to their conundrum, a solution to a problem his ancestors made. And yet, for all the supposed salvation he represents and is supposed to bring, he knows what they think of him. And though he understands it, understands the reservations and hatred for everything he represents, he also cannot help but resent them for it.
Why is he treated like he is lesser, when he is trying to help them?
His loyalty lies with their prince, with Silver, for the kindness Malleus has been shown over and over, throughout countless identical reincarnations, countless ends and beginnings. It is the reason why he stays, why he endures it all, why he works painstakingly at dissecting a curse only he stands a chance of understanding, in hopes of shattering this cruel fate once and for all.
He carries the hopes and dreams of the kingdom on his shoulders — a cruel irony, Malleus knows, considering what most of the populace think of him. He is their only hope, in the end.
But the thing is — and this, Malleus has come to realise over time:
It is easy for the humans to root for their prince. It is easy for them to hope, to pray, to plead with whatever higher forces exist out there for the fae physician to break his curse, bringing them all into a golden age of their royal’s immortality. It is easy because they are human; for many of them, they will not live long enough to witness more than perhaps four or five of their prince’s life cycles, forcing them to tell their descendents of their desires to carry on the flames of their hopes.
When one does not live long enough for their awe and admiration, their all-consuming anticipation, to melt away into something far more pessimistic, it is easy to stand strong and proclaim, “I wish for my prince to live forever; I wish for him to lead us into a new age.”
But for Malleus? For the only fae in a kingdom of mortals, destined to outlive each and every one of them by proxy of his heritage alone?
He has lost count of just how many cycles he has witnessed, from the tender years of childhood into the grown fae he is today. He has lost track of how many times he has met Silver for the first time, the servants and guards and nursemaids who care for him and guard him all switching out cycle after cycle, as more of them die and more of them are replaced.
The humans see not what Malleus witnesses over time: the piles of journals that stack up higher and higher; the heavy bags that marr the underside of those striking auroral eyes; the pure exhaustion that sinks into their prince’s every movement and word, the way he gazes upon his kingdom from towering windows.
In the end, this miserable curse can only end one way: Silver must die.
(The question still remains, pressing down on Malleus’ shoulders, an invisible burden weighing him down with each soft smile and greeting he receives.
Shall Silver live forever? Or only once more?)
#my writing tag#writing collaborations#twst#twisted wonderland#twst fanfiction#twst writing#malleus draconia#twst silver#the prince and his physician au#i loved writing this so much and i loved collaborating with sleepie on this#so i hope you all like it!! :D#might write more for this au in the future bc it's captured my heart
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invisible string [4] : ellie williams
part three
| college!ellie x female!reader - thank you guys so much for patiently (and excitedly) waiting for this update! school is absolutely so busy it's sickening, so it's hard to write as often as i want, but i really want to aim for at least one update per week! writing this chapter was so much fun so please let me know what you think... as always thank you for your love, requests are open, and reblogs and comments are always loved and appreciated! love ya <3 (p.s shout out to a creepy owner irl who inspired part of this fic)
| c/w - anxious reader, swearing, mention of weed, alcohol, men!
studying was very dull compared to texting a pretty girl.
ellie entered your life in a whirlwind, notes filling up your once empty walls and endless texts and pictures cluttering up your phone.
the texts came in slowly at first, maybe a few short conversations every other day, mostly complaining about how much homework the professor of your shared class was packing in before finals week hit. then entered stupid memes, random pictures... and suddenly you were staying up until 3am learning about each other, despite your 8am class.
it had only been a few days, and you knew that you were getting too attached.
it was a feeling that made your stomach sink, the realization of how much your mood improved with a simple text. you were happiest in class, sitting next to ellie, even when your hand cramped from filling out pages of study guides.
sighing, you turned your music up louder and crashed back onto your bed, cushioned by a multitude of throw pillows and blankets. you weren't getting much studying done anyway.
the song grew quiet as your phone chimed, music to your ears.
Zero progress.
attached was a photo of the study guide, the amount of completed questions matching those of your own packet.
you quickly typed out a response to ellie, short and to the point.
literally sickening
it was only a few seconds before she replied:
There goes my weekend!
you replied in agreement before forcing yourself back up to glance over your textbook. you've been lingering on the same chapter for over an hour. if you were truly honest with yourself, you probably only read about two paragraphs... you were distracted.
you hardly had time to even daydream due to how busy you were, but it's not like it mattered. you gaze lingered to the collaboration of drawings made by yourself and ellie, still sticking to the wall. your phone sounded once again, pulling you out of a sleepy daze. figuring it was ellie again, you closed your textbook in an act of resignment.
the smile that appeared once you heard the text notification slowly faded upon closer inspection.
it wasn't ellie. it was a friend, one you admittedly haven't spoken to much as of recent. you hadn't really meant to ghost her, but your schedules didn't really align much. this time of year you were so busy with assignments and work, and she was busy with... well, literally anything else.
her message consisted of only two words, call me. it was short and vague so you immediately obliged, worry taking over your senses.
she answered on the second ring, speaking before you had even opened your mouth.
"please tell me you don't have plans tonight," she urged.
you wince, already preparing an excuse. "i'm studying..." you start. it wasn't a complete lie, you really had been making an effort.
her disappointment is obvious by the way she sighs your name into the phone speaker. "i've barely seen you all semester," she argues.
you start to chip your nail polish on your free hand, holding your phone to your ear with the other one. "what's up?" you ask.
"come out with me tonight? please. you've hardly come out this semester and let's be real, once finals start there's no chance i'll be able to convince you to come out," your friend pleads. her desperation is heavy and you rub at your eyes.
you want to immediately tell her no, but you really hadn't seen her in awhile yet the other day you skipped class for a chance to hangout with someone you hardly even knew. granted, it was ellie, but still.
a pit of guilt planted itself in your stomach, forcing your next words.
"what time?"
yelping in excitment, the girl on the other end of the line gushes out all of the information to you. "i'll pick you up around eleven, okay?"
a rushed end to a quick call, with promises to text more and texting outfit options for the night.
you were nervous about the change of pace. it caused you a strange feeling of obligation, to get out of your bubble and do something different every once in awhile. during college, people were promised four years of finding their forever friends and partying, making the memories that will last their entire lifetime.
you tried to partake, but it felt forced.
with a demanding major and even more demanding coursework, it was hard to maintain friendships by finding the time to actually go out. any spare time you had was replaced with shifts at work.
you felt like you were doing college… wrong.
your music resumed, the volume increasing to drown out any anxious thoughts that would prompt you to cancel last minute.
with no new texts from ellie, you decided to give your study guide one last try.
─ ·𖥸· ── ·𖥸· ── ·𖥸· ── ·𖥸· ── ·𖥸· ── ·𖥸· ── ·𖥸· ── ·𖥸· ── ·𖥸· ─
by the time you were supposed to get picked up, you were already yawning. you had dedicated the last hour to getting ready and picking an outfit that was deemed cute enough to make you feel good but still comfortable enough that you felt secure.
though it felt like a sleepy time of year, students were nearly restless. the pressures of exams were relieved on weekends, places around the college town open all night for people to blow off steam.
it happened quickly so you didn't have a moment to reconsider or backtrack, a text of 'here!' and shoving your feet into shoes before dashing to meet your friend in the parking lot.
the car ride was a catch up session, your friend talking about her new friends but you made a quick decision not to tell her about ellie. you weren't exactly sure why, but it was almost like you wanted to keep ellie to yourself. you checked your phone mindlessly and couldn't help but feel let down when nothing new presented on your screen.
the streets were alive and busy, girls huddled together to stay warm despite the lack of coats. the outside was an indication of how busy each bar and club would be, warm with heat and bodies packed inside.
you arrived at your friend's favorite establishment, the environment a stark difference from the comfortable evening you were having in your dorm just a few short hours ago. you pressed your way through a thick crowd, hanging loosely onto the arm of your friend so you wouldn't split up.
drinks were overpriced but you ordered one anyway, something to hold onto but you knew you would probably only finish a little more than half of it if you were dedicated enough.
"i'm gonna meet up with some people, my friends and their friends," your friend explained over the music, quickly resulting in your growing concern.
you wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt, you always did, but other people getting involved meant you would be inevitably ditched within the hour. the look on your face gave away your feeling and the girl standing opposite of you had a short patience.
"i wish you would've told me," you tried to reason, not wanting to look or sound pathetic.
"it doesn't matter," she shook her head. "they're nice, it'll be fun."
fun.
'fun' ended up being the act of standing awkwardly in the back because they wouldn't make enough room for you in the circle. 'fun' apparently was listening to them tell the same story over and over, yet talk over you every time you tried to speak too.
forced to be a wallflower, you stood with your back against the wall as you observed other people dancing. you could almost be content like this... the music was loud and the lighting was dark. the combination seemed like it would be an anxiety nightmare, but it was actually the opposite. you could stand there, completely unnoticed, hidden by the atmosphere.
you really could've been okay with it, until your eyes were drawn to your friend pointing at you. you stood up straight, thinking she was beckoning over, until you realized exactly what she was doing. she had been dancing with a guy that night, and that guy seemingly had a friend. she was pointing you out to the friend, pushing him to join you. he started walking in your direction and your stomach filled with dread. you didn't want to be in this situation, and you certainly didn't want to make small talk with some guy.
you tried to look busy, quickly pulling out your phone and looking anywhere else. against your silent praying, the guy stood over you.
"hey," he said, leaning too close to your ear and you ducked your head away. he smelled like alcohol and cologne that was sprayed too many times. you tried a polite smile but it came out like a wince.
"can i buy you a drink?"
you answered his question by holding up your cup, hand tightly covering the opening of the top. you had only taken a few sips of it, not able to stand the taste.
"how many?" he pressed, pointing to your cup.
"what?" your face scrunched in confusion.
"how many drinks have you had?" he clarified with a laugh that you didn't return.
"one. this is my first," you informed him flatly.
he made a face like he was pretending to be let down and your stomach turned. "only one? come on girl, you need more than that."
you outwardly groaned, rolling your eyes as you pushed yourself off of the wall. "i'm going to the bathroom. bye."
"want me to hold your drink?" he called after you, agitated and loud.
you ignored him and stepped carefully through the crowd, not wanting to stand too closely to any men or accidently bump any dancing girls. you were hyper focused on the restroom sign and the way the music pounded in your ears, muttering to yourself when you felt a hand wrap around your arm.
you immediately tensed, your blood running cold but your body feeling hot simultaneously. was this guy seriously grabbing you right now?
short tempered and fuming, you loudly spat "fuck off," as you angrily whipped around, only to be met with horrified green eyes, freckles, and auburn hair.
letting go as quickly as she had reached for you, ellie dropped her hand. "shit, sorry, i-"
you quickly cut her off, apologizing profusely.
"ellie, oh my god, i am so sorry," you stressed, heart sinking when she took a step away from you.
"sorry, i really shouldn't have done that," ellie mumbled, wincing. you nearly didn't hear her, the music was too loud.
she had on a loose flannel, unbuttoned down the middle and her converse. you were sure that her horrified expression matched your own, and you wanted nothing more than to sink into the floor.
"i'm so sorry," you repeated. "i thought you were someone else and-"
"i'm sorry, i called your name but-"
you kept talking over each other, rushing awkward apologies. ellie shifted on her feet, her cheeks red.
"sorry," you mentioned again, defeated. "there was this guy, and..."
"a guy," ellie repeated quietly, her expression unreadable.
"yeah," you pushed on, glancing over ellie's shoulder. he was watching you now, remaining where you left him. gross. "i was trying to get away from him and i didn't hear you, i had no idea, i'm so sorry ellie."
she laughed dryly as she recovered but your face still stung with embarrassment. "it's alright," ellie reassured you, turning her head to briefly spot the guy you had glanced at. "are you here with him?" she asked curiously.
you quickly shook your head, rolling your eyes to express your disgust. "no," you emphasized. "i'm here with my friend but... i don't know," you laughed bitterly, finally taking a moment to let it sink in that you had ran into ellie here.
"i don't know why i'm here," you felt the need to say.
ellie nodded with a short laugh. "tell me about it."
you raised an eyebrow but didn't press it, still feeling like you needed to collect yourself. you could stand and talk with ellie forever, but you seriously needed to regroup.
"hey, um, i'm gonna run to the bathroom," you explained.
"come find me when you're done?" ellie offered, green eyes scanning your face. she pointed to an area by the bar, showing you where you could find her.
your nerves didn't stand a chance, overpowered by the overwhelming desire to be close to her. you nodded, your smile genuine for the first time that night.
before you could return on your path to the bathroom, ellie spoke again. "do you want me to hold onto that for you?" she offered, gesturing to the drink in your hand.
"oh, yeah, thanks ellie." you passed it over and she covered the top with her hand automatically, a simple thing that made your heart swell.
"i'll be there, alright?" she guaranteed, her eyes never leaving yours. you nodded once and parted ways, quickly heading to the bathroom.
you dashed for an empty sink, running cold water over your hands as you stared at your reflection. you couldn't figure out why, but you felt weird about running into ellie here. you suddenly wondered who she was here with, or was she here alone?
pushing out a deep breath, you turned off the water and dried them with a paper towel. you felt dizzy, like you were in a state in between sleeping and being awake.
"this," you mumbled to your reflection, "this is why you don't go out."
once you had worked up the courage, you emerged from the bathroom and scanned your surroundings. the girl you came with was dancing with the guys and her friends. feeling secure in the fact that you wouldn't be missed, you went to look for ellie but you didn't have to search for long.
ellie was exactly where she had said she would be, leaning against the bar with her hand protectively covering your drink. she seemed to be keeping an eye out for you because when your eyes locked, she waved you over.
you didn't bother to try and contain your grin as you made your way over, but your confidence was short lived when a pretty girl with dark hair leaned over, talking in ellie's ear.
oh.
whatever the girl said had made ellie laugh, and you faltered in your step. of course she was here with someone. of course she had other friends, (a girlfriend?) other people that she actively talked to and hung out with. you would've been stupid for thinking otherwise, you just hadn't thought about it much.
you didn't want to interrupt, but ellie caught your eye again. she raised her eyebrows, curiously, waiting. taking a deep breath, you pressed on, slowly coming to her side.
ellie handed your cup over and you accepted, taking a drink for courage.
"welcome back," ellie mused, a small smile gracing her lips.
you glanced at the girl standing on the other side of ellie, the liquid in her cup a vibrant color. ellie followed your eyes and made a face of realization, pulling the girl into the conversation.
almost sounding sheepish, she introduced her. "this is my friend dina, and... jesse," ellie craned her neck around but 'jesse' was elsewhere. you nodded anyway, smiling in dina's direction.
"hi, it's nice to meet you," you said, genuinely, despite your heart pounding in your chest.
"likewise! i've heard so much about you," dina replied, eyes bright and smiling.
ellie's eyes widened and your eyebrows shot up, taken aback by dina's introduction. you glanced at ellie but she was already composed.
"really?" you asked, truly surprised.
dina laughed and changed the subject. "jesse complains about coming but yet it's impossible to keep an eye on him," she expresses in response. "it was so nice meeting you," dina smiles at you once more and quickly squeezes ellie's shoulder before disappearing, presumably to find 'jesse.'
you take another drink and ellie clears her throat, music filling the silence. "where's your friend?" ellie questions.
you hum thoughtfully and scan the faces of all of the dancing people until your eyes land on her group. "there," you nod in their direction, trying not to sound bitter.
"are they all your friends? do you want me to go meet them?" ellie asks, watching them for a moment before gazing at you, eyes flickering over your face.
"no," you reply quickly, flatly.
"okay then," ellie laughs, tilting her head to peer at your expression. she brushes a strand of hair out of her face and it's hard not to watch, to not be entranced by every slight movement and expression she makes.
once again, you're thankful for the lighting, or lack thereof, and for the music. for some reason it feels like less pressure, which you appreciate.
"oh god," ellie mumbles, drawing your attention. she wraps her tattooed arm around your waist, gently pulling you closer to her side. your breath hitches and you tense up, but her arm is then back by her side, the ghost of her touch electrocuting your senses. "watch out," she says, nodding to an older man making his way to the bar.
your eyebrows draw together in confusion as ellie watches the man in disgust, but you're more focused on the fact that her arm was just around you for about three seconds.
you take a slow drink, watching as the man leans down to talk to several girls crowded around the bar. it seems nearly harmless though a little odd, he's definitely the oldest person in the room as everyone else is college aged. you turn to ellie, confused, but she nudges your arm to keep watching.
he puts his arms around the girls, his hands going way too low, signaling the bartender to give them drinks with a flick of his hand.
you face ellie, eyes wide and mouth agape. she nods in disgust, but slightly amused at your expression.
"he's the owner," she explains. "he's so gross... people flirt with him because if he likes you, you're set with free drinks. he's just... gross."
"why are you here?" you question, frowning.
"dina likes to dance," ellie says simply.
"and you?"
"no," ellie laughs quickly.
"i definitely wasn't expecting to run into you here," you admit, running your finger along the rim of your plastic cup.
"yeah? i wasn't expecting you either." ellie watches you carefully, thoughtful in expression but casual in demeanor.
"excuse me ladies," a gruff voice cuts through. you snap your head up and meet the eyes of the owner, chewing your bottom lip nervously as his eyes drag across you and ellie. he contemplates ellie for a moment before setting his gaze on you, frowning.
"aren't you warm in that, sweetheart?" he slurs out, indicating to the sweater you're wearing. ellie places a gentle hand on your shoulder, making a face at the man from over your shoulder.
"i'm just fine," you remark.
he doesn't like your answer, but you didn't say anything rude so he can't lecture you. he stares at you, unmoving, and decides to give you one last chance.
"what're you drinking there?" he questions, shuffling closer to get a better look. he makes like he's expecting you to bat your eyelashes at him, and ellie tugs you backwards into her.
"let's go dance," she murmurs into your ear. your face gets hot and her hands are on your shoulders, walking behind you and guiding you away from the bar. you leave your drink on the counter, unwanted.
once you're far enough away, she gently halts you to a stop. your skin is burning from the contact and you turn to face her, trying to be lighthearted. "i thought you don't like to dance?"
the corners of her mouth turn up and you give in, absolutely folding in her presence. you leave about a foot of space in between your bodies, but loosely and awkwardly wrap your arms around her shoulders. it makes ellie nervously laugh, and she hesitates before carefully placing her hands at your waist. it's your turn to laugh now, fully aware of how ridiculous you must look. you obnoxiously sway to the side, putting your weight onto one foot and then the other, threatening to make each other fall over with the abrupt movements. it's a stark contrast to the way everyone else is moving to the music, but you're both genuinely laughing so you leave it be.
you can see your previous group in the corner of your eye and nerves wash over you again, feeling shy at ellie's playful touch. suddenly you feel guilty for harboring a secret crush on the girl, feeling as if you've crossed some sort of boundary. you steady yourself but it's hard to breathe with ellie so close, staring at your eyes and your lips and your eyes again... or did you imagine it? obviously not, but certainly you're reading into it? making something out of nothing?
ellie coughs, flustered. you both stop 'dancing,' dropping your arms and facing each other straight on.
"hey," you say, your face scrunching in confusion, "i thought you were working on the study guide tonight."
your comment makes ellie recover and she breathes out a laugh in surprise, even though you were being serious.
"i thought you were working on the study guide tonight."
you frown and ellie rolls her eyes, shaking her head at you in pretend disappointment. "work on it with me tomorrow then," she tells you, nearly surprising herself with how quickly it came out.
her voice is like honey, making it impossible to pull away from her, even mentally.
"really?" you eye her suspiciously.
she nods and shrugs, and you promise to think it over. standing this close to ellie felt dangerous to the small amount of confidence you tried to build up. she smelled almost earthy, a warm deep scent, maybe a touch of vanilla and... weed?
a hand brushed your waist but it wasn't ellie's, the body stepping into view. the guy from earlier that your friend had sent over came around to stand next to ellie, his eyelids heavy.
"what the fuck, dude?" ellie questioned sharply.
"i was watching you dance," he mused, glancing at you and then ellie. it was hardly even dancing, you were just making each other laugh, so your skin crawled with the idea of that guy watching with ill intent.
"okay, go watch someone else," ellie shot back, her tongue sharp.
you glanced around, catching sight of your friend from earlier. she was watching the interaction, as if it were encouraged, and gave you a thumbs up. you exhaled in disbelief, turning your attention back to ellie. she was staring the guy down, brows furrowed.
"you ladies wanna dance with me or what?" he was cocky, drunk, and standing way too close.
"fuck off," ellie spat, a lot like how you did earlier when you thought that he was the one who grabbed your arm.
he stood in disbelief, unmoving, so you grabbed ellie's hand and dragged her away.
"they should be banned from public places," you grumble. ellie snorts, features immediately softening as she turns to you.
"this is ridiculous. do you wanna get out of here?"
at her proposition, your heart leaps. you definitely do, but the idea terrifies you nonetheless. despite yourself, you automatically nod.
"let me go find dina and jesse, see if they're gonna leave or stick around longer. wanna come with?"
you almost say yes but shake your head instead. "i should go tell the person i came with that i'm leaving, just in case."
ellie nods in understanding. she starts to turn away but stops short, eyes boring into your own. "meet me right by the entrance, okay? i'll be quick."
it's your turn to signal your understanding now, and you head back through the crowd to find your... friend. it's pretty easy to spot her but not to gain her attention.
"hey. hey, i'm gonna go, alright?"
she whips around at you, confused. "you're leaving?"
"yeah."
"are you gonna be safe?"
despite being ignored and ambushed with a creepy guy, you smile at her concern. it's the bare minimum, really, but it's appreciated.
"yeah," you repeat. "it's... a friend from class. she's good. safe," you express.
you say your goodbyes and head straight for the doors like you agreed with ellie. you’re only waiting alone for a moment before she joins you, car keys in hand. dina and jesse aren’t following, and instantly you feel like an idiot.
“oh my god, ellie, i totally sabotaged your night.”
“what? no you didn’t,” ellie disagrees.
you push through the doors together, greeted by harsh winds. the cold evening air was shocking as it hit your face, self doubt washing over you.
"you were just trying to have a fun night with your friends and i... i'm such an idiot," you mutter.
"whoa, hey, you're alright," ellie presses softly. she stops walking to look at you, but looks as though she has to work up the courage before she continues speaking. "i'm glad you here were, alright? dina and jesse are fine."
your face is burning and she hesitates again, but the worry expressed on your face causes ellie to continue on.
"honestly i was getting ready to leave before i saw you," she admits, looking in any direction away from you.
you beg and plead with yourself not to read into it, but why did she hesitate? why would you be nervous to tell that to someone who's just a friend? are you reading too much into it, or are you friendzoning yourself?
"ellie," you breathe, and she finally brings her attention back to you. the wind howls through the night, whipping your hair across your cheeks. your heart beats quicker but ellie grows reserved, adjusting her weight on her feet.
"i'll drive you to your dorm," she tells you as she beings walking once more. you quickly follow behind, in a trance of wondering and wanting.
it felt different from before, different from sitting next to her in class and different from studying together. what was usually light hearted jokes and easy conversation was replaced by a thick cloud of nerves, a tension that conjured itself out of nowhere and you desperately wanted to crack a joke but you felt shy.
you were texting a lot lately, you had some serious late night conversations about your families, stressors, lives, anything to get to know each other but this was different. ellie seemed almost solemn now, guarded, and you were worried that you had gotten too comfortable too quickly.
you worried as you walked to the car and you worried as she drove. ellie did exactly as she said she would and you arrived safely to your building, but your feet were glued to the ground as you reached the door and you desperately wanted to selfishly stay with her, just a little longer.
"thanks for pretty much saving me tonight," you stated earnestly. "it sucked before you found me, i'm glad you did."
ellie's smile was crooked and sincere and a wave of relief washed over you. "see you tomorrow?" she asked, her eyebrows drawing up to her forehead.
"the study guide will be completed," you affirm, grinning back at the auburn haired girl.
you heave open the door to your building and ellie steps back to the car, but you call after her one final time. "text me when you're home safe," you urge her, and you can't see the smile that graces her face.
"i will," ellie promises, and she did.
after cleaning up you fall into bed, exhausted, but your mind is racing. you turn to your side, facing the wall that is decorated with two sticky notes. you lightly trace ellie's drawings with your finger, willing yourself to go to sleep so you won't be absolutely miserable with a lack of sleep by the morning.
you were seeing her again, tomorrow, and nothing else at that moment mattered.
not your endless piles of homework, or the way you were ditched tonight. not the fact that the weather was getting colder by the day and you still couldn't find your earmuffs, or that one of your finals was going to take place at 7am.
nothing else mattered... just ellie.
[ part five ]
#ellie williams x reader#ellie williams x female reader#ellie williams x you#ellie williams college au#ellie tlou x reader#ellie williams fanfic#tlou x reader
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dating sean diaz hcs!!
first of all. he is so Comfy like.. when you both hang out hes always in a freshly washed, soft cotton shirt and shorts (basically how he looks at his grandparents house in ep2) .. fluffy socks too for sure and he always smells SO good like laundry detergent but also a hint of cologne😭 he wants you to be super comfortable as well so u probably show up to the diaz house in pyjamas
they for sure got the ethnic blankets™️ in the diaz house so yall are in his bed like this :
sean loves to cook or bake with you .. i think it’d be a little competition of who makes the nicest food. i think sean wld be a good cook but a HORRIBLEE baker!!😭 measurements are all wrong, cakes either rise too much or too little, and he manages to burn whatever he makes every time lmaoo. so even though he knows he’ll lose at baking, he does it anyway just to see you win.
movie marathons are a MUST in ur relationship!! u have an extremely long notes list w all the movies u guys have to see and u watch one every friday after school. daniel occasionally adds cartoons to the list🫶
as much as he finds daniel annoying (and realistically daniel is ALWAYSS gonna be hovering around yall a little bit) he wants you to like daniel because he loves daniel more than anything (even though sean before the events of ep1 rarely shows it) he cant be in a relationship with someone that doesnt love daniel, its definitely an ick for him when other people call daniel annoying. sean can insult daniel but nobody else can!!!
esteban is definitely a leave the door a few inches open kinda dad😭 fine with you guys staying in seans room but doesnt wanna give you guys too much freedom. he’d definitely trust and love whoever seans with and accept them as part of his family <3
sean cleared a little space in his wardrobe for you! filled with mostly a couple hoodies, joggers and pyjamas!
okay hear me out ,, sean likes to match outfits but NOOTT in a cringe way more in like a subtle, ‘it’ couple way. like yall will have the same hoodie but he’ll have it in black and you’ll have it in white.
sean likes pretty laidback displays of affection. maybe a hand around ur shoulder or interlocking pinkies .. nothing too over the top, but always some form of physical contact to remind you of his presence!
you’ve definitely washed and styled his hair a couple times and sean absolutely ADORES the feeling of ur fingers running through his hair… he always shyly asks if you could scratch his scalp a bit and you always always do! if he has the superior sean haircut in ep3 where its grown out, you definitely brush and blowdry it to make sure it looks good
sean always has music playing in the back when ur in his room 100%. u guys probably have countless collaborative spotify playlists (i personally think sean is a frank ocean enthusiast) he associates so many different songs with you and loves making new memories attached to good songs
sean draws candid portraits of you like all the time. he just thinks you look so beautiful when you’re focused on a movie or immersed in a book or intensely trying to finish your homework. you always kind of notice he’s drawing you after a while, but dont want him to get self conscious so you pretend you have no clue
its currently 12am and im sooo sleepy and cant be asked to read over this so im sorry if there’s any typos or its not super gender neutral lmao i was writing it as a bit of a self insert i fear ..
hopefully this is decent enough for a first post🤞🏽 enjoy sean diaz lovers!!
#lis2 imagine#sean diaz x reader#sean diaz#lis2#lis2 sean#life is strange x reader#life is strange 2#life is strange#daniel diaz
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Dreamcatcher Reaction to their Girlfriend wanting their attention.
A/N: After a long wait it's finally out ~ the collaboration writing from me & @minjiarchive . Thankiu so much for the people suggested this Collab and we hope that you guys will like this. ❤️❤️❤️
JIU
You knocked on her door before opening it as a sign of respect. "Yes? Come in." You heard your girlfriend and opened the rest of it.
There she was on her desk, typing and writing. She's been working from this morning which made you feel a little lonely.
"Jyu-jyu~ baby,are you still busy? I missed you so much" You hugged her from behind.
"Hi baby, I'm sorry there's just so much to do, I haven't had time for you love."
"Am I disturbing you lovely?" Your hands slowly loosen before holds them in place.
She just immediately shuts down laptop and turns around to hug you back.
"But it's ok, work can wait I want to spend time with my needy baby. Cuddles and kisses?"
SUA
Bora was just scrolling through her phone when you barged in the room.
"Bboya~"
Your whines made her look up from her phone just to be meet with your cute pout. You plopped yourself down beside and cuddled in her chest whiteout a single word.
"Yah? Looks like someone is clingy today ~"
You knew being Sua's girlfriend means always being teased by her but you didn't mind.
"Yeah, I missed you today, so so much." Your pouting became more deep. A kiss to your forehead as she rubbed your back.
"I know baby, I know I'm hard to resists."
SIYEON
You had a long day, after work/class. It felt like you were waiting forever to come back home to your lovely girlfriend. You missed her and just wanted to be with her.
As soon as you stepped foot into your shared apartment you dropped your bag and searched for Siyeon. After about a good 5minutes you found her behind the sofa playing on her phone.
"Signie~" you held her hand whining.
"Baby, please let's cuddle. I want kisses too~"
She just stared at you, purely with love and astonishment. How did she get so lucky to have a cute and affectionate girlfriend.
You'd have to shake her back from her little daydream.
"Of course anything for you my darling."
HANDONG
originally, handong had been holding you in her warm and tight embrace for however long it had been since you two took a break from messing around with eachother. you took advantage of the fact she had a day off today to spend time with her.
she was an idol overall, she goes on music shows, films for music videos and more. handong was truly hard working, yet she still made time to make sure you were doing well.
but, the more as the night went on, the more she twisted and turned in her sleep. eventually, her arms slipped away and her back faced now faced you.
now what would be keeping you warm? a blanket isn't the same thing as handong therefore, it would be a restless night for you. unless you woke her up to ask her to cuddle you again. you didn't want to bother her but it's your girlfriend, how could you not be needy.
“handong... dongie... love, wake up please.” you shook her lightly a few times until she regained consciousness from her sleep.
“yes honey? are you okay, what happened?” she turned to face you, putting you at ease once you saw her crooked smile again. her hand came up to her face to caress it, still in her sleepy daze. “you turned away and now you're not holding me anymore.”
handong realized then what happened and slurred out a few apologies. she beckoned you closer and hugged you tighter this time, reassuring you that she wasn't planning to let go anytime soon.
YOOHYEON
“baby... are you almost done?” your eyes fluttered back to yoohyeon again for the tenth time and she was still immersed into her game. you waited and waited for yoohyeon to pause her game or find a perfect opportunity to steal a kiss from her but she seemed more focus on her game than you imagined.
“yes sorry wait! i'm almost finished with this level!” the sound effects from yoohyeon's game continued and you subtly pouted at the thought of having to wait another 30 minutes til she was done, or even waiting more than that.
...if she isn't open herself then maybe her lap is.
she sat on the couch looking perfectly cozy. her grey sweatpants and her black top – the perfect combo to hit you in your weak spot.
you abruptly got up and made yourself comfortable on her lap, shuffling a bit until you felt just right. your arms wrapped around her neck to pull yourself closer to her. you knew you caught her attention when she hummed lightly along with the sound of her phone turning off.
“may i ask what you're doing, dear?”
“i want your attention babe...”
DAMI
“am i interrupting anything?” opening the bedroom door while peeking in to see dami on the bed with the book you recommended her in her hand. dami's glasses sat on the bridge of her nose but slowly started to lower as she concentrated on your features.
“of course not my love. what's up?” she raised her eyebrows at you slightly upon seeing the frown that grew on your face.
you said nothing more but climbed onto the bed and hugged her waist. your head fell to her chest where you could hear her heartbeat thumping – it actually started to quicken as soon as you rested her head on her.
dami didn't question you further because she always knew what you needed. instead, she cuddled you closer and rubbed your back to soothe out any stress you had. her light, floral shampoo brought you even more comfort than you expected.
GAHYEON
gahyeon had been dancing in their company's practice room, preparing for their next comeback that was coming up soon. she heard a knock on the door and assumed it was one of the members or managers coming in to check up on her.
"you can come in!" she yelled, using this time to take a break and get a sip of water. when she turned back around to see who came in, she saw you. your hands were carrying a bag of food and snacks to share with gahyeon, you knew how hard she worked so you took the opportunity to spend lots of time with her. plus, you just wanted her to rest for once too.
“gahyeon, you're here! i'm so glad.” you ran up to hug her, almost forgetting that you were carrying food. she was taken aback by how clingy you were being but honestly, she loved it. she loved how caring you were, all you just wanted to do is be there to support her.
“someone missed me huh? you're just so cute.”
“well, after you were gone for so long, i was starting to get a little impatient.”
___________________________________________
-Moon 🐢
#girl group scenarios#girl group reaction#dreamcatcher scenarios#dreamcatcher reaction#dreamcatcher smut#dreamcatcher reactions#dreamcatcher x reader
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Profile Tag Game
Hello - Hi! I was tagged by the cutest @otomiyaa! Oh, you saw that? Eh? You want us to get to know each other better? Well, you can call me Mia for starters! It's nice to become your acquaintance!
Chat: Tickling - A-Ah, you really had to bring that topic up, huh? Anyways... yes, how to explain? Tickling is just nice, I guess. It feels nice and it's something fun to do with your friends and the ones you love, isn't it? A- A tickle fight? Maybe later. Now, let's talk about something else.
Chat: Reading - You think these are a lot of books? I wish my collection was even bigger! Do you enjoy reading? I could lend you some books, if you want!
When It Rains - Ugh, I hate it when it rains. Such a bummer. Good thing I always carry an umbrella, although it's a tiny one, but if we squeeze together we'll be fine!
When It Snows - Snow? I've never seen it and I'm glad, I don't think I'd handle the cold!
When the Sun Is Out - So bright and warm! Doesn't it feel so nice on the skin? Don't forget to put enough sunscreen, though!
Good morning - I must admit I'm not a morning person, I wish I could come back to sleep.
Good night - Go to bed if you are sleepy; a good night rest is necessary. I still want to stay up for a little while longer!
About me: Writing - Ah, yes I write from time to time, nothing too amazing, really.
Something to Share: Drawing - From where did you get-?! Y-Yes, I sometimes draw, but I'm really not that good at it, but hey... I really like your eyes... would you mind if I just- don't move, please.
My Hobbies: Scrapbooking - I don't do this activity as much as I would like to, but I do have a scrapbook where I put memories about trips and places I visit! We should take a picture together so I can put it on my scrapbook! Do you have you kamera with you?
My Troubles - Oh, I don't want to bother you with those, but tell me, do you have any troubles yourself?
Favorite Food: Are you going to make food for me?! Well, can I ask for some sushi? Or maybe something with shrimps? Pasta is also so good!
Least Favorite Food: Hmm, I'm not really picky when it comes to food, but I usually try to avoid beans, although sometimes they taste good enough for me to eat!
About @otomiyaa - You see us together often? Why of course! She's my best friend after all! I'm glad I reached out to her first, I wonder how life would be if I hadn't sent that message- unimportant, we now talk every single day and look out for each other! Such a lovely person she is! I truly love her!
About @lovelynim - Hehe, you saw our collaboration? That was so much fun! We've recently become friends, you see! To be honest I was a little bit intimitated by her. She's so talented and smart, so I only admired her from afar as a loyal follower. I'm happy we're getting the chance to know each other better!
Hehe this was fun, I hope I was not too cringey jdfsnfj everyone I talk to has been tagged already, so you're gonna get tagged again, I'm sorry! @wertzunge @eliankrios @xsezzie @ticklystuff @chibimochii
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My Favorite Musical Artists of 2023
It is Spotify wrapped season and so instead of letting a company decide what I liked most or listened to most when it isn't totally accurate I shall instead tell you my favorite musical artists of the year and what musical art resonated most with my heart and why.
Normally I don't like to do this sort of list until it's actually the next year because in December maybe I'll get into Electronic Disco Funk and have 3 artists that should really be here but I figure now is a good time
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Ado
Ado really was a machine of putting out great music both on contract for anime and songs that are just related to her own work. I found her listening to the One Piece Film Red soundtrack and loving those songs this year but her vocals on Show, All Night Radio, FREEDOM and more all are breath takingly great. She clearly knows great people to collaborate with to make amazing music and her vocals are utterly delightful with a brilliant vocal range.
Ado music is perfect for making playlists for my OCs, listening to while writing, working on chores, really just a perfect artist for every function I often look to music for.
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Janelle Monae
Janelle Monae is a consistent favorite even in years where they have released no new songs they still stand among my favorite artists of the year with songs like Make Me Feel, Many Moons, Tightrope and Screwed always being on my rotation of songs. Now Lipstick Lover joins as another Monae staple that will constantly be on repeat for me. The Age Of Pleasure was a really great album and I think this era of Janelle's music was really good and I think Janelle was really bold going into being a free ass person and refusing to let themselves be defined by others on their own terms.
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Reinaeiry
While I am not the biggest fan of the same kind of operatic dramatic songs that often drive many of Reinaeiry's songs, in any given year she still puts out more songs I love then songs that are not my thing. There is a touch of bitter sweetness because my ex loved her music too and so it often reminds me of her and our break up was a bit less than a year ago but having moved back around to being friends with her the music can sit comfortably in my ears as music that means a lot to me even if some songs now have bitter sweet memories tied to them it makes some songs work better too.
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Yoasobi
Yoasobi has had a year getting to preform songs for some of the years biggest anime projects but this was the year I discovered her music and in it I found so many amazing songs. 海のまにまに is probably my favorite from the year but I also really enjoy Horizon, セブンティーン, Biri-Biri, and Hero a lot too. She has a lot of really banger music videos and they are just delights to watch. I find a lot of her songs are perfect chill songs to really set a nice calm wokring on something serious tone in the background, like just enough added energy to not be sleepy music.
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Jamie Page
While I got into Jamie Page last year, Jamie Page's music this year has also been bangers and am still loving the songs i fell for last year. Love Renewed is a new Jamie Page classic and I am always listening to songs like Encore, Gummyworm, Bitter Sweet and People play Pretend. Jamie makes perfect poppy and fun music that can get into the sadder emotions while still being upbeat and really fun to listen to.
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Joel Baylis and Shelby Harvey
The Cassette Beasts OST is probably my actual most listened to music of the year. The soundtrack is just so fucking good, like above and beyond, I really need to actually buy the album on bandcamp because I love it so much. Your Inception and Arrow of Time are probably my favorite songs from the album but Same Old Story, Wherever We Are, face down and the rest of the vocal tracks are all bangers. All these songs are gonna be forever staples for me making OC playlists and just jaming out when I am working on being creative. Their perfect songs for writing action scenes not so dominant that they take all my attention but enough to pump me up for some badass action.
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Chrissy Chlapecka
Chrissy's transition from Tiktok bimbo positivity poster to pop icon this year was glamorous. She really brings something new to the early 2000s pop kinda vibe she is going for with a much more powerful and queer vibe with an aim at being a bit more intentionally political without it being so dominant in the music to pull away from them being like "dumb" pop. A lot of "influencers" attempt the transition into music but it is very clear that Chrissy is actually a musical talent who stumbled into being popular online for not doing music then used that to boost her passion.
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Dorian Electra
Weird core legend Dorian Electra is truly a musical artist who is always worth checking out even when a song is a total wiff it's usually at least fun to watch the music video. I am always relistening to my favs from Dorian but this year had a lot of great blasphemy core music like Sodom & Gomorrah but also brilliant songs like Puppet that really all captured my heart and are just great pop songs in addition to being a little funny or whatever else Dorian is going for.
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Band-maid
J-rock legends Band-maid are always a favorite for me. BAND-MAID are so good at their respective gimmicks it almost makes me sad that they are tied to the gimmick of having to dress up as maids. I enjoy a good Maid outfit but I do think their music is just so seriously damn good and I do worry the gimmick is also a detraction from how truly badass their music is. They are just such amazing artists and they are just a delight to listen to especially if I am gaming and want to replace a sound track or something.
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Tape Girl
Ska is my favorite kind of music, while I didn't include a ton on this list I had to include at least one Ska artist and Tape Girl was an artist I found this year who really blew me away. There were a ton of great artists I discovered this year but as of now I mostly just have one song from them I really love while Tape Girl basically has no misses. Tape Girl is really fun and the instrumentations are all so good, they are just ahhh such fantastic tracks and really songs well worth listening to.
#spotify#spotify wrapped#Music#Music 2023#2023#Top 10 list#top 10#list#Tape Girl#BAND MAID#Janelle Monane#Ado#Reinaeiry#Yoasobi#Jamie Page#cassette beasts#Joel Baylis and Shelby Harvey#Chrissy Chlapecka#Dorian Electra
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Church Encounters: Chapter 18
-- We're back!! Oh my Gosh I missed this fic so badly!!
This fic is written in collaboration with @lgg5989 who will be posting this on her tumblr and her AO3. She also made the lovely moodboard below!
Please comment and reblog! We take requests for in universe requests!!
Previous Part
Taglist: @acarboni21 @unsurebuttrying @dempy @peaches-1998 @bbooks-and-teas @roosterscock @positivelyholland --
"What colour should we pick for the nursery?" Jake asked, reviewing dulux samples on his phone while you waited in the truck for your appointment time.
"I don't know… We could keep it white and maybe have colourful accents in the rug and stuff, or we go all out and have a really fun wallpaper…" you replied, swirling your starbucks drink with a grimace. The iced peach iced tea tasted nice but you were missing coffee more than ever now as the pregnancy was making you tired and sleepy round the clock. Working off of the assumption that tea still contained a little caffeine, you had ordered that but either it hadn’t kicked in yet or it simply wasn’t working.
"Actually, I have an idea… Do you mind if I take care of this? As a surprise?"
"By all means, I like picking the decor better anyway," you grinned mischievously
“Don’t go too ham, the room isn’t that big,” he laughed, “And I don’t think we’ll have Baby in there for a while,” he added, quickly glancing at the back seat of his truck where a large cardboard box was buckled in. It contained the Moses basket that you had bought a week ago and had been unable to pick up til now.
“Oh! you’ll have to tell me which colour you pick for the walls so I can coordinate,” you said, your mind already mentally going through every single furniture catalogue you had studied since finding out you were pregnant and that you now knew by heart.
Jake hummed and absentmindedly checked his watch, “Time to go, honey,” Jake said suddenly, pressing both the release buttons on your seatbelts and stepping out of the truck. He walked around and opened your door while you picked up your handbag.
“Need a hand?” He asked. You nodded and he grabbed your hand to help you down, not letting go until you were inside the building. While you weren’t showing much yet, you had been anticipating this moment since telling Jake and the excitement you felt was making you a little dizzy. Or maybe it was the fact that since you were entirely unable to keep anything down in the morning, you hadn't bothered with breakfast.
You sat down in the uncomfortable plastic chairs of the clinic, patiently waiting while Jake notified reception of your arrival. You could see he was nervous too. Jake was usually very relaxed in your presence, but since your pregnancy he had been trying his best to hide his stress, and failing miserably. As he stood by the front desk, he rhythmically tapped his fingers against the glass countertop and when the nurse gave him a pen to write something and he asked a question, Jake played with the release of the ball point tip until the woman had to gently tell him not to break the pen.
A few minutes later a doctor walked out of one of the consultation rooms and called your names. You followed right behind him, Jake grasping your hand in his more for his own reassurance than yours.
“Mrs. Seresin, how are you? How’s pregnancy treating you? Are you liking it so far?” the doctor bombarded you with questions, leaving you absolutely no time to respond to any of them, “Miss Jones,” he said, showing you a young woman sitting in the corner of the room, “is my trainee. She usually shadows, but I thought she might lead the scan today. Now, if you don’t mind, please lay down on the table,” he added, not really giving you a choice in the matter. Still, you took the change in stride and did as you were told. The clinic came recommended through some friends and boasted some great reviews online, and while Dr Van der Platz wasn’t the doctor you had originally wanted his reviews hadn’t been bad either, surely he knew what he was doing.
You lifted your shirt, exposing your tummy. Miss Jones started the abdominal scan, projecting what she picked up with the machine onto the screen.
“Oh, it looks like there’s two babies,” she said, pointing at something on the screen.
“No! Don’t panic! There’s just the one. Anna, look, there’s only one set of arms and leg buds, and one little head,” The doctor said, pointing them all out on screen. While Anna still seemed sceptical, you had to admit that on the screen, only one little bean showed. Jake released a heavy breath behind you, clearly relieved you wouldn’t immediately be thrown into the deep end of parenthood on your first go.
“I thought I saw a second head,” she said, a little defeated and disappointed.
“The machine can be wrong… Did you avoid the bathroom before coming?” he asked you.
You looked at him with guilt written all over your face, “I really tried, I promise… But I drank plenty!” you replied and he laughed a little.
“No worries, Mrs Seresin, having a full bladder pushes the baby forward and gives us better visibility is all,” he said with a reassuring smile, “The machine probably had difficulties picking the baby up, that’s why Miss Jones saw a second one. No need to panic, I assure you,” he finished.
The scan finished soon after. Before letting you walk out, Miss Jones handed you a printout of the scan with an apologetic smile. As you got out, Jake tore one of the pictures off,
“I got my girl in my plane, now I have my baby,” he said with a goofy smile, “We’re having a baby,” he added, jumping around as you walked through the parking lot, “Can you believe it? We’re having a baby!” he said, bringing the ultrasound to his lips and kissing it.
“I’m so excited!” you replied, “Sorry about the heart attack I made you have back there,” you added with a grimace.
Jake shrugged, “Honestly, it was terrifying but I would have been over the moon either way,” he said, throwing an arm over your shoulders and squeezing you tightly, “You know I love you right? I am so proud to call you my wife and I am so happy that I get to go into this new season of life with you. I wouldn’t want to do it with anyone else,” he said, pressing a kiss to the side of your head.
“I love you too, and I thank the Lord everyday that I get to be your wife. And I cannot wait to tackle parenthood by your side, you’ll be an amazing dad,” you replied, looking up at him. He gazed lovingly into your eyes for a moment before leaning down and kissing you, stopping right in front of the truck. He broke the kiss to turn around slightly, placing one of his large palms against your belly, then he bent down and whispered, “Love you too, Beanie.”
“Beanie, is that what we’re calling them?” you laughed as he let go of you to open the passenger door. You followed behind him, climbing in.
“I think it’s cute,” he defended himself as soon as he was seated.
“You’re right, I think it’s adorable,” you replied, watching him balance the picture on the dash, right next to a candid picture he had taken of you in Italy as you ate your ice cream, looking gorgeous if slightly windswept as you looked out to the ocean with a small speck of orange on the side of your mouth.
“You know what we should do?” you asked, “We should have a journal we both write in during the pregnancy so Beanie has something to look back on.”
Jake hummed, “That would be nice,” he agreed, leaning in to give you one last kiss before starting the car and driving you home.
----
Beau was late. For the first time in his thirty-something years of active service, Beau had slept through his alarm and was running late. He practically flew down the stairs to press the on button on the coffee machine, which, thank the Lord, Elisabeth had prepped for him the evening before like she always did and pulled his homemade lunch out of the fridge before quickly running around the house to kiss the children.
Then, twenty minutes later as he was about to step out of the house to finally leave for work, he noticed something on the kitchen counter. A new mug and a present with a small card saying ‘Dad, I love you,’ and signed with your name. He left the house with the same warm feeling he always got when it came to you, or your sisters, or any of his children really and arrived on base after being held up for yet another twenty minutes. Officers of all ranks looked at him questioningly as he walked in looking slightly worse for wear, an hour and a half late.
“You’re late,” Warlock said as soon as he stepped into his office.
Beau regarded him quietly for a second before asking, “How long have you been waiting? Don’t you have work to do?”
“You’re late,” he repeated, “You’re never late. Everything okay at home?”
“Everything is fine, I just overslept,” Beau answered, placing his briefcase on the desk before setting himself down in his chair.
Warlock hummed, “I’ll make you a coffee,” he said before getting up and turning to leave the room.
“No, it’s okay I have a c--” Beau cut himself off. He looked left, then right, then stupidly patted his pockets as though the to go mug of coffee he had made would be found on his person and not left to cool on top of the kitchen island, “That would be wonderful, thank you,” he replied.
Warlock left the office and Beau set about getting his desk ready. He made his way towards the big metal filing cabinet next to the door and unlocked it, pulling out the paperwork he had to finish, or start, for the day. Placing the stack neatly on the desk, next to some sharpened pencils and his favourite pen, all laid out parallel to each other in a way that calmed him down.
Rear Admiral Bates reappeared ten minutes later with a full pot of coffee which Cyclone gratefully poured into his brand new mug.
“Is it your birthday or something?” Warlock asked, nodding towards the wrapped present.
“Oh no. I don’t know what it is, just found it this morning. It’s from my daughter though,” Beau answered, a little distracted by the large stack of work awaiting him.
“I don’t know how you did it,” Warlock said, “Getting them to like you I mean. I’ve been trying to get Michelle’s kids to like me for five years now and the youngest one still leaves the room when he sees I’m there. The middle one cried at the wedding.”
“Yes, I remember that,” Cyclone mumbled. He’d spent a good part of the wedding reception talking to the kid and comforting him, trying to counter every insult and mean comment thrown Warlock’s way with good, positive things about the man. It had been a hard task in itself as they weren’t friends and Beau knew just as much about Rear Admiral Bates as he knew about his next door neighbours, which meant just enough to keep a civil conversation while clearly conveying the fact that he wasn’t looking to be anything other than an acquaintance at most.
Since then their relationship had improved somewhat and moved from professional indifference to professional acknowledgement. That entailed knowing how the other man liked his coffee and how their children were doing. Cyclone didn’t see the relationship improving any more, largely because he disliked the idea of his professional and home life mixing. Announcing to the dagger squad that you and Bob were ‘his’ kids had been the only notable exception but that was only because he would gladly move heaven and earth for his kids, biological or not, and the love he felt for them far outweighed the deep sense of uncomfortability he had felt in the moment. The smile on both your faces had been more than enough to turn the urge to run and flee into the urge to embarass you both, as any good father should.
“Aren’t you going to open the present?” Warlock asked, curiosity making his eyes glimmer.
The two things he knew aside from a summary of his children’s life and his preferred order at the coffee shop down the road was that Solomon Bates had wanted to be a detective as a child and had never outgrown the curiosity and that he was an incorrigible gossip, therefore opening the package here and now was probably a terrible idea but curiosity was killing him too and there were only so many things you could gift him ‘just because’ and none of them were really gossip worthy. It was probably a set of pictures you found of the two of you when you were young, or the printed wedding pictures, or maybe just some cookies in which case you would be cross at him if he didn’t share.
Beau undid the pretty white ribbon you had tied it all together with and lifted the top of the box. He wasn’t sure what he was staring at, and even reading the note you had left didn’t make the penny drop. It did for Warlock, though, as he slapped him forcefully against the shoulder and smiled.
“Congratulations, Sir!” he said.
Beau looked back at the note and read the words a few times over (“Choose wisely”), before glancing down at the name tags underneath it, all prefilled for him. He picked one up and stared at your handwriting underneath the “Hello, my name is”, they all contained different versions of the same word. He glanced at the one saying ‘Papa’, then the one saying ‘Grandpa’, and then ‘Pops’, he looked at one more before his brain finally caught back up.
“Holy shit,” he whispered, “She’s pregnant.”
Beau rushed to get his phone out of his pocket. He scrolled down in his contact list, right past your name, until he landed on Elisabeth’s. He clicked on the call button and she picked up after three rings, sounding sleepy.
“You knew!” he whisper-shouted into the phone, just loud enough for her and Warlock to hear it.
Rear Admiral Bates, as much as Beau knew it killed him, left the office with a nod of his head. Cyclone heard him walk down the corridor and looked around right outside his door to check no one was around before putting the phone on speaker and finishing setting up.
“Beau it’s six am,” Elisabeth replied.
“You knew she was pregnant!” Cyclone continued, pulling out a couple of files and a large leatherbound code of conduct he needed to scour to verify several complaints.
“She asked me not to tell!” his wife defended herself. Lizzie shuffled at the other end of the line and he could almost imagine her nuzzling deeper into the pillow, pulling up the covers right above her head like she always did when he woke her up before her preferred time.
“Do not blame this on her, I didn’t marry her, I married you. What happened to telling each other everything?” Beau asked, his voice stern but a smile on his face.
“Beau, if you want to take that up with anyone, you take it up with your daughter,” she replied, sounding muffled.
He scoffed, “Absolutely not, it’s six am. I wouldn’t want to wake her up.”
“Oh, so you’re okay with waking me up but not her?” Elisabeth asked, sounding outraged and offended.
“Yes! She’s pregnant, Honey, she needs the sleep,” he replied, purposefully annoying her now as a small payback for not telling him.
“You never know I might be pregnant,” his wife said.
“Haha. Very funny,” he said. Elisabeth was quiet on the other side of the line for a beat too long, “You are joking, right?”
“Yes of course I’m joking,” She eventually replied.
“You almost gave me a heart attack!” he exclaimed.
“Serves you right for waking me up,” She mumbled.
She hung up the call without saying goodbye or sending him off with her usual ‘I love you’ which stung slightly but was quickly explained when she sent him a garbled string of letters she had managed to somehow send via text and speech, followed by an embarrassingly long voice note of her gently snoring. Beau screenshotted the text and downloaded the note, saving both to his phone to hold against her the next time she told him he snored.
Beau downed a quick sip of his coffee before a knock rang through the office, a few moments later both Maverick and Rooster walked in.
“Sir,” they greeted him.
“We’re here to drop off leave authorization paperwork, Sir,” Rooster said, placing an envelope on his desk.
Cyclone hummed, taking another sip of his coffee, then, seeing as the mug was almost empty, he down the last of it, lifting the bottom right up to ensure he drank every last drop. When he lowered it back down, he came face to face with Maverick and Rooster’s surprised faces, both of them intensely staring at his mug. He looked at it to find that the regular black mug he had picked up from his counter this morning was in fact one of those fancy heat changing mugs. When Warlock had poured the hot coffee, it had started changing to display a photo of your ultrasound, with, in large legible print “Baby Seresin coming soon”.
“Congratulations, sir,” Maverick said.
“Shit!” he swore, “If you breathe a word of this -- If you tell either of them that you know, I will ground you both for the rest of your lives, is that clear?” he said through gritted teeth.
Although he didn’t know for sure, he was almost certain you would want to announce your pregnancy to your friends by doing something fun. You had wanted to be a mum for most of your life, there was no way you wouldn’t want to do something special for it, and Beau would be damned if he ruined that for you, especially since you had clearly meant to surprise him in private, and would have, if he hadn’t been running late.
Beau took their paperwork and dismissed them before sinking down on his chair and picking up the mug. He turned it around so the ultrasound faced him and with the hand that wasn’t holding the mug, he gently ran a finger over the tiny blip that would be his future grandchild.
“Hey there little one,” he said, his voice low and gentle, much like the one he had used when he had first spoken to you as a baby, and identical to the voice he had used to speak to his biological children as he held them in his arms in the delivery room after Elisabeth had gone to sleep and it was just him and his little bundle of joy, “You can call me Grandpa,” he added.
“You’re only little for now, all warm in your mama’s tummy. I know your parents will take good care of you but you gotta promise to be easy on them, yeah? They’re young, they’ll make mistakes but I promise you that you are already so loved,” he said, still speaking to the picture, “I know the world might seem scary, but we’ll all be there to help you and keep you safe, but to help you and your mama as you grow, I’m going to call on someone special, okay?” he asked.
Beau put the mug down and bent down to root through the bag he brought to work every day. After seemingly searching through all the pockets he found what he was looking for and pulled out his rosary. It was old and worn out, the black paint of the metal beads long scraped off by more than a century of daily use, but his great grandfather’s combat rosary still held string despite having been issued in 1916 and then passed down until it hit his father, who promptly left it to rot in the heat and humidity of his childhood home’s dusty and disgusting attic.
If his father had had what he wanted, Beau would never even have gotten it, but his father had been roused from his laziness by something or other on a random Thursday evening and cleared out the attic to organise a yard sale. He had seen the rosary, recognising it as the same thing Craig always kept in his pocket and took it from the box it had been shoved in. Beau had hidden it until bedtime and spent most of the night untangling the already browned beads before stashing it away underneath in floorboards.
There had been a few close calls and it had almost been discovered a few times so after a while, Beau took to carrying it wherever he went, a habit he had passed on to all his children.
He ran the sacred necklace through his hands a few times, taking his time to really feel the coolness of the beads before starting, “Hail Mary, Full of Grace, Blessed art Thou amongst Women and Blessed be the fruit of thy womb Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death, Amen,” he said.
Beau went around the necklace and as he finished the prayer, he added, “Hail Mary, Mother of God, please watch over Y/n and guide her as she moves into this new season of life. Help her be kind to herself as her body changes and quieten her mind when it worries, and help her enjoy every moment of the next nine months. Please keep her baby safe and healthy as it grows and tell them that whoever they are and whoever they become, they will always be loved, safe and cared for. And although I know it isn’t entirely your domain, please ensure that Jake enjoys these next few months, and the rest of parenthood, as much as she will. Amen.”
He looked at the cup again, “All done,” he said brightly with a smile, “Mama will teach you how to do that when you grow up,” he added.
“I’m talking to a fucking mug,” he realised, then forgetting himself again, he promptly apologised to the cup for swearing.
Where Sysiphus had his boulder, Cyclone had his paperwork. Every day he would sit down and work through the pile, and every day it reappeared sometimes bigger and heavier than ever, ready for him. He didn’t mind the paperwork so much, he had liked flying but as life went on and he got married and had children, it slowly lost its appeal. The adrenaline didn’t seem worth the danger and the risk of leaving his wife and children without a husband or a father. And with less flying came less moving, less packing your entire life into cardboard boxes and shipping them around the country sometimes only for a month. Neverending paperwork was safe, and stable. He just wished he could see his children a little more.
He hadn’t picked up the kids from school in almost a year, and he hadn’t done bathtime with the girls since his paternity leave. Between work and desperately trying to balance the rest, he realised he hadn’t had the time to enjoy his family in far too long. He frowned, and in a spur-of-the-moment decision, he printed out a copy of the leave authorisation form and filled it in, immediately approving himself for a two week leave starting at the end of the week.
Beau checked the time, you were due to arrive on base in less than twenty minutes. He took his coat and put it on, even though it was already May, the air was overcast and the wind had picked up giving the air a slight chill. He made his way to the parking lot, patiently waiting another ten minutes before he saw you and Jake enter and park the truck.
---
You and Jake shared a secret smile when you saw Beau standing in the parking lot, apparently waiting for your arrival, the closest thing to a goofy grin you had ever seen on his face.
“I think he knows,” Jake said, a hint of laughter in his voice.
You shook your head, unbuckling your seat belt as he put the truck in park, “I think so too.”
Jake pressed a kiss to your hand, the one he had been holding the whole drive over, before climbing out. He shot you a look through the open door, “Don’t you dare!” he called as he watched your hand creep towards the door handle.
You let out a laugh, your hand now resting on the handle as he slammed his own door shut and hurriedly pulled the strap to his duffle bag over his head as he made his way around the front of the truck. Jake opened your door, giving you a slightly exasperated huff, “You’re doing all the work baby, I have to do something to help.”
“I am capable of getting out of the truck Jake,” you said, fixing him with a look that said his interference wasn’t exactly needed.
He sighed, his hand held out to help you down, “I know that, but I need to make sure you are okay, for my own peace of mind,” he said quietly, when you didn’t relent, he added, “Please?”
“Alright, but it's only because I love you so much,” you said, taking his hand, allowing him to help you down from the truck. You turned to get your duffle bag from the back seat, when his hand shot out to rest on your shoulder, “I can get it for you darlin’,” he said, already moving to grab it with his large hand. You laughed a little when he carefully placed the strap over your head, slinging the bag diagonally across your body. Before he stepped back from you, he pressed a kiss to your forehead, “I love you,” he said quietly.
“I love you too,” you replied in kind, a smile coming over your face. Leaning up on your tip-toes, you still spotted Beau, now making his way towards the truck, “I suppose we should see what he wants to be called now shouldn’t we?” you asked.
Jake let out a laugh, “Who knows, you might have surprised him into shock.”
You stepped away from the truck, and towards Cyclone’s approaching figure. As soon as he reached you, he enveloped you in a hug, and shot Jake a slightly dirty look, “What are you doing out here without a coat?” he asked, starting to shrug his own off before wrapping it around your shoulders.
You laughed, accepting the coat, “Dad, it’s not that cold, but if it makes you feel better,” you made a show of threading your arms through the too long sleeves and pulling the zipper up, your duffle bag hanging awkwardly beneath the surface.
“So it’s true then? This isn’t some prank?” he asked, his eyes holding excitement that you hadn’t seen since, you couldn’t remember when.
“Yes! You are going to be a grandpa, or pops, or whatever you want them to call you,” you answered, your face almost hurting from the wide smile that had taken over.
“I’ll be grandpa,” he said, pulling the ‘Hello, my name is: Grandpa’ tag out of his pocket. You let out an excited squeal before pulling him into a hug.
Jake let out a quiet laugh and started ushering the three of you towards the building, “Alright, let’s get the pregnant lady out of the cold,” he said, wrapping a protective arm around you as you stepped out of Beau’s embrace.
You shushed your husband, looking around carefully, “Don’t ruin it! We have to tell everyone else together,” you said to him quietly, your hand slapping gently against his chest.
He laughed silently, you could feel his chest shaking slightly against your shoulder, “I know honey, I won’t ruin it.”
The excitement from earlier started to die down, and by the time you made it to the doors, the only thing you wanted was to talk to Beau alone. Jake had been loving and supportive, but ever since your scan, you had been worried. Your anxiety, which had been mostly silent since your wedding, was rearing its ugly head. What if you turned out to be just like your mom? You didn’t have a great parental role model besides Beau growing up, what if you were a shit parent?
As you got to the doors, Jake shared a look with you, reading something in your eyes. He held the door for you, and as you neared Beau’s office, he pressed a kiss to your cheek, “I’m just going to change, see you in a few?” he asked.
You gave him a tight smile and a nod, grateful that he understood you just needed a moment alone with the only man you’d ever known as a father.
“What’s up,” Beau asked you once Jake had made it down the hall, and out of sight, his face was concerned.
You let out a sigh, pushing the door to his office open and walking inside before answering him, “I just, what if I’m a shit mom?” you asked him, tears springing to your eyes.
He looked at you, his mouth agape following you inside before shutting the door behind him. Before he could answer your question, you continued, letting your thoughts out, “The only good parent I have ever known was you, and Elizabeth, but mainly you. Don’t get me wrong, you have been very good to me, Annie, and Audrey, but what if it’s genetic? What if I don’t love them, or push them away? What if Jake leaves because I’m a bad parent? What if he takes them with him? I just got this little life,” you said, looking up at him, tears running down your face, your hands cupped over your still flat stomach, “I can’t mess this up.”
“Honey,” he cooed, taking you in his arms for a hug, “Sweetheart, it’ll be okay. You’ll be okay,” he said, bringing one hand to gently pet your hair as he held you tight. You let out a loud sob, shaking in his arms as the weight of the possible reality of your near future.
“Baby, look at me,” he asked and you looked up. Beau swiped a stream of your tears off of your cheeks with his thumb. He leaned forward and pressed a sweet kiss onto your forehead, “You are not your mom. Her being bad does not mean you will be. Genetics have nothing to do with the ability to be a good person,” he whispered, cupping your face in his hands.
“Look, I admit I was lucky, because by the time I realised I was a dad I had already been acting like one for long enough that I had experience to help me out, but when you called me dad for the first time -- do you remember?” he asked you.
You thought for a minute before replying, “At your wedding?”
“No, there was one time before that. It was in December the year before, you had been ill for days, but that day was the worst. You were so weak we couldn’t keep you awake for very long, and getting you to eat was so difficult. I kept begging your mom to let me call a doctor, or take you to the hospital and she just kept refusing, saying there was no need, even though your fever had climbed up to 103°F in the space of an hour,” Beau explained with a far off look in his eyes. He remembered that night all too well, the memory of it was burned into his brain so distinctly that he remembered exactly what to do when the same happened to Peter nearly a decade later.
“I went up to your room to try to get you to drink some warm milk one last time before bed. You were laying on your tummy, and I remember I put my hand on your shoulder to turn you around. It was so obvious something was wrong,” Beau breathed in deeply, still lost in thought. He could see it happen in front of his eyes now.
The dark night sky visible through your undrawn curtains, the moon and a small bedside lamp drowning the room in a macabre yellow light. He pulled up a chunky pastel yellow plastic chair next to the bed as the wind outside battered the windows as if trying to get in to help your fever break. He reached over and gently laid his hand over your chubby, snoopy-pyjama clad arm and flinched at the temperature. You stirred a little. This was the most responsive you had been all day. Emboldened by your apparent improvement, Beau turned you over. Like a ragdoll, you flopped onto your back and looked at him with large glazed-over eyes. Your clammy skin had turned slightly blue, or seemed to in the dim light of the room.
“Daddy help,” you whispered before your eyes rolled back into your sockets.
For a second, during which the world seemed to have forgotten to spin, nothing happened, and then your limbs started twitching and shaking. A moment later, foam started forming at the corners of your mouth. Your arm shot to the side, knocking down the lamp and shattering the lightbulb as it hit the floor.
Beau stood in horror, unable to figure out what to do until he heard footsteps coming up the stairs, he moved towards the door, to stop whichever one of your sisters was coming from seeing you like this. Annie appeared around the corner.
“Is everything okay?” she asked, he tried to keep his face still so as to not betray the situation but he knew he couldn’t keep the charade up for long.
“I need you to call the hospital,” is all he had time to say before Annie turned around on her heels and sprinted towards the home phone.
Beau returned to the room, vaguely aware he needed to be noting down the length of the seizure, luckily, he had looked at his watch seconds before it had started. A minute had passed already and you were showing no sign of improvement. He knelt down by the bed, not feeling the stab of pain when his knees landed on the shards of broken glass and leaned towards you as much as he could. Beau brought a hand up to your head and petted your hair, saying the only thing he could think of.
“Hail Mary, full of grace, blessed art thou amongst women, and blessed be the fruit of thy womb Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death, Amen,” he whispered, saying it like a chant over the seven additional minutes your seizure lasted.
Once you had stopped shaking and Beau could concentrate on anything other than his prayer, he could hear voices coming from downstairs and soon heavy footsteps running up the staircase towards him. What felt like a second later paramedics were pushing him to the side to take a look at you.
You were still lethargic, barely whimpering whenever someone touched you, your large eyes blinking up at him.
"Are you the father?" one of the paramedics asked.
"Yes," someone replied. He looked over to the doorway to see Annie, holding a crying Audrey's hand, "He's our daddy."
Beau shook himself out of his reverie to find you staring up at him.
"What happened?" You asked.
"They took you to hospital in an ambulance and I followed right behind with your sisters. We sat in the waiting room for two hours while doctors looked you over, and while I was sitting in that stupidly uncomfortable chair, the only thing I could think of was you calling me 'daddy'," he said, "I was sitting there, with my head in my hands, bent over my knees, trying to take deep breaths to stay calm when the only thing I wanted to do was cry, puke and run away. I was so scared. Scared that you weren't okay, scared that you loved me, scared that I would turn into my dad at a moment's notice," he paused for a second, seeming to contemplate his next words.
When he finally continued, he said, "For a few weeks I was nervous and on edge. Every time something went wrong, I had to bite back the urge to snap and scream and then, after a week, I realised something. Being a good person isn't something you are, it's a choice. Every day I woke up scared out of my mind and every day I chose to not let you know. I chose to be kind, to be patient, to be loving, even if all I wanted to do was the complete opposite. And when I realised that love was a choice, I realised that even if I messed up, I could choose to fix things. I could apologise, I could help. And I know you will do just the same."
“You’re scared that you will turn into your mother, but you have to remember that you are half of your father too, and he was one of the best people I’ve ever known. He loved you girls more than he loved flying, more than he loved anything really,” Beau finished, giving you a warm smile, “You’re going to do fine, and you have Jake to help you. When things are hard, he is your rock and he won’t abandon you.”
You nodded, pressing your head into his chest, “Okay,” you said quietly, trying to let the reassurances wash over you. After a minute more of the hug, you stepped back from his embrace, slowly pulling off his jacket to return it to him, “Thanks, dad. You’re right, we can do this.”
“Of course sweetheart,” he said, taking the coat before opening the door for you, “Take it easy okay? I don’t want to hear of you doing any flying until this one is born,” he added, nodding to your abdomen.
“I won't, Poppy,” you said, your voice teasing.
Beau rolled his eyes at your name calling, “Love you, kiddo,” he said with a smile.
“Love you too dad,” you called back to him, making your way to the locker room.
—
You had tried to call Audrey all day but you had received no response. Today should have been her day off but you knew your sister, as much as she complained of the schedule and the demands of the job, she really did like working with the mothers and the newborns and usually picked up any shift she was asked. So, you assumed when you hung up after trying to reach her yet again, she must have gone in to work.
“Ready to go sweetheart?” Jake asked, leaning on the sliding door to the sunroom where you had been calling, basking in the lovely warmth of the glass room, a large mug of tea forgotten on the glass coffee table.
You nodded, unfolding your legs from underneath you and you got off the wicker couch to find your shoes. Once ready to brave the outside world, armed with your handbag and a pink leather jacket, you unlocked the mini and climbed into the driver’s seat. Jake climbed in beside you, wasting no time to hook up his phone to the car and playing Sun To Me by Zach Bryan as you drove to the bar.
The Hard Deck parking lot was, as usual, crammed full of cars but you managed to squeeze your car in between two delivery vans. The Hard Deck was much the same. You managed to find Bob at the bar, quickly saying hi before joining the rest of the team at the pool tables and immediately joining Phoenix in an impassioned conversation with Fanboy over their favourite film series. It might have seemed like a losing battle for Phoenix as she listened to Mickey waffle on about Star Wars but you knew that as soon as he would draw breath Nat would launch into a monologue on her unparalleled love of the Jason Bourne Series. You kept your opinions to yourself, not wanting to out yourself as a hardcore Twiglight fan and giving them all an aneurism.
In your defence, you knew Twilight was bad, but that’s what made it so good to you. It felt like watching a trainwreck, you couldn’t stop looking, no matter how horrible it was. It also made for a very easy comfort watch whenever you wanted to watch something and not think too much. There was, however, one thing you liked more than watching Twilight, and that was asking Jake to watch Twilight with you. He would, bless his heart. He would sit beside you during the entire series and watch the films, trying his best to seem interested and like he absolutely was not going to fall asleep. Perhaps it was cruel of you, but that did not make it any less enjoyable.
Suddenly, your phone rang in your pocket. Seeing Audrey’s picture pop up on the screen, you stepped outside to take the call.
“Hiya, how are you?” you asked.
Audrey groaned, “That’s another pair of scrubs I can throw out,” she replied.
“You work in the maternity ward, A. How does it happen so often?” you asked.
“You don’t want to know. How come I have like eight missed calls from you, everything okay?”
“Yeah, look, we’re doing a barbecue on Saturday. How about you come down and see everyone again,” Audrey groaned again.
"Oh come on!" You said, "Come down for the weekend, there's someone I'd like you to meet,"
"Y/n, I am not coming down so you can set me up," Audrey replied, sounding exasperated and exhausted after no doubt another shift that couldn’t seem to end soon enough.
"I'm not setting you up. They're important to me and I'd like you to get to know them," you explained.
"Is Annie going?" she asked.
You hummed in agreement.
"Fine!" She sighed, "But we're going shopping while we're there. I need new clothes,"
“Me too,” you mumbled, looking down at your growing stomach, as she hung up, probably headed back into the ward to help deliver another bundle of joy.
---
“You totally told Maria we were expecting, right?” Jake asked Bob as they made their way through the mess hall line.
Bob audibly gulped before answering, shakily, “I -- I wouldn’t --”
“Cut the shit, Bobby,” Jake said, cutting him off and fixing him with a stare.
“I may have accidentally -- I didn’t mean to i -- it just slipped out, I’m so sorry,” Bob said, his stuttering coming to a stop when Jake interrupted him.
“Nah,’s alright, I’m not mad,” Jake said, “I do need a favour, though,” he continued as they made their way to a table.
Bob nodded, telling him to keep going.
“She’s coming next week right?” Jake asked. Not waiting for Bob to confirm, he added, “Can you tell her to bring her brushes, I need her to paint something for me.”
“Okay,” Bob said, already texting Maria. A second later, his phone buzzed with a response.
“What did she say?” Jake asked, trying to peek at the text himself.
“She asks why you couldn’t ask her yourself,” Bob said, looking down at his phone.
Jake sighed, “Because she doesn’t answer my texts?” he answered.
Bob let out a laugh, “She says ‘touché’.”
----
You were standing in the backyard of Cyclone’s house looking at the group that was gathered there. They had no idea what was about to hit them when the cake was brought out. Everyone from the squadron and your sisters were gathered here under the assumption that it was your birthday barbeque, but little did they know it was your pregnancy reveal. When you ordered the cake, the baker had been confused, you weren’t doing a gender reveal because you wanted to be surprised, so you had her ice the cake in white, but the tiers were dyed blue and pink. The final touch, which you had yet to add to the top, was one of the photos from your ultrasound.
Beau and Lizzie had so graciously agreed to host the party, since your house was a little small for such a gathering, and you couldn’t have been happier with the turnout. As you made your way around the yard, talking to different people here and there, you spotted Annie and Bob bent over their phones at the corner patio set.
“You two are getting along well,” you said as you approached, hearing the last of their quiet laughter die down.
“What? Jealous I’m spending time with my little brother?” Annie replied.
“Haven’t you guys only met once?” you asked.
Annie shrugged, “Sure, and we’ve texted every day since.”
“She sends me memes,” Bob said, a proud smile on his face.
“Oh! Show her the one I sent you yesterday!” Annie added enthusiastically.
Bob fished his phone out of his pocket with a goofy grin. He unlocked it and slid it towards you showing you a picture Annie had sent on their whatsapp chat of the child Jesus tugging on the Virgin Mary’s dress saying “Mummy! Mummy! Mummy!” and a text underneath the picture saying “The first rosary”.
“I’m jealous,” you stated, “You met Bobby once and you sent him that and I’m lucky to get a weekly text.”
“We call every two days,” Annie protested. You stuck out your bottom lip in an exaggerated pout, “Fine! We’ll make it a group chat!” she relented, starting the chat on her phone.
“I love you,” you told your sister, a shit-eating grin plastered on your face.
“You better,” she grumbled.
“You know, I always wanted a little sister…” Bob said, “I regret that now,” he added, poking you in the side with a wide grin, “I’m joking, I love you. You’re very annoying, but I love you.”
“Hey! You be nice to my wife Bobby Boy or we’ll have to rethink making you Godfather,” Jake said, coming up to wrap an arm around your shoulders.
“You’re joking right?” he asked, tears beginning to well up in his eyes.
“Hey, hey! Keep the waterworks for later, we haven’t announced it yet!” Jake said, hurriedly looking around him to see if anyone was watching.
“What’s happening here?” Beau said, arriving so quietly it scared everyone.
“Bobby is bullying me,” you replied before Bob could.
“Lying is a sin, Y/n,” he told you with a crooked smile.
“I need to take a leaf out of your mother’s book Jake, next argument is twenty bucks towards the argument jar,” Cyclone warned.
“Lizzie!” Bob shouted, “Dad is bullying us!”
“That’ll be forty for your trouble young man,” you said, a smirk on your face.
“What’s this I’m hearing about bullying our children Beau?” Elisabeth asked, raising an eyebrow as she walked over to stand beside him.
“I’m not! I would never! I was warning Bob and Y/n about an argument jar,” He explained.
“What’s the price?” Jake asked.
“Twenty per infraction,” Cyclone said, a triumphant grin on his face.
“Thirty per bullying accusation for any of you,” She retorted, pointing at everyone, including her husband.
“Hey now --” Beau argued.
Elisabeth stuck out a hand and made a beckoning movement. Cyclone took out his wallet and gave his wife the note, fixing her with a glare that could have made any of his sailors flinch and run. Elisabeth merely smirked.
“Ooh I see where you get it from now,” Jake whispered in your ear as soon as Lizzie returned to her chat with Maverick and Phoenix.
Before you could respond, Beau set a hand on Jake’s shoulder, “I need some help carrying more beers out for the cooler, you young guns sure know how to put it away,” he said with a laugh, “Do you have a second?”
“Of course,” Jake said, giving you a peck on the cheek before following him to the garage.
You watched the door close behind your two favourite men and a smile came over your face, you were so glad they got along, you weren’t sure what you would do if they didn't.
—
Beau closed the door behind them and Jake turned to look at him confused.
“I need to talk to you about something,” he said, looking at Jake like he was steeling himself for something.
Jake’s heart dropped, what could be so important that Cyclone felt the need to pull him away from you and the party, “What’s up?” he asked, blood beginning to rush through his ears.
“I need you to pay attention to Y/n,” Beau started.
“Sir--” Jake said, his voice a bit offended but Beau interrupted him.
“You didn’t let me finish. I need you to pay attention to Y/n, more than you usually do. Pay attention to her behaviour, if she seems sad, if she’s changing in any way or another, like if she’s eating less or feeling less energetic. I know it’s probably just my own worries, but I’m scared she’ll get prenatal or postpartum depression…” he sighed, “Lizzie had it with Peter and honestly, I’ve been paranoid about it since,” he added.
“I’ll watch her,” Jake assured him, “I’m not sure what I’m watching out for though…” he admitted.
“General changes, mostly. See if she’s withdrawing from people, or if she’s suddenly no longer interested in her hobbies…,” Beau stopped to think for a moment, “Lizzie used to have memory problems and indecisiveness, she’d have trouble focussing on anything and it would give her horrible mood swings -- worse than can be blamed on hormones and pregnancy brain. Bad enough that she started to notice it herself. I also remember she used to have such a hard time sleeping and eating.. And obviously, she wasn’t feeling herself mood wise either, I mean, she seemed very hopeless. She’d cry for hours on end and nothing I could do would make her feel better…” he said, trailing off, his eyes a little misty.
“Okay,” Jake said, never seeing the Admiral look so worn down, “I’ll keep a close eye on her.”
“You’re good for her Seresin,” Beau said, “Just make sure our girl is okay?”
“Of course sir, I will,” he said, and with a nod from Cyclone, the two of them gathered up a case of beer each, making their way back into the backyard.
—
Once everyone had eaten, you found yourself in the kitchen with Maria, Audrey, and Lizzie, the four of you having easy conversation as you cleaned up dinner.
“I just don’t know, I don’t want it to be cliche,” Maria insisted, drying a plate before setting it on top of the clean stack.
You laughed a little at her defeated voice, “It’s not cliche, I think it’ll be wonderful,” you said, before turning to Audrey, “Don’t you think so A?”
“I love it honestly, getting married on the ranch, the men all dressed up with hats and boots? Boho dresses for you and your bridesmaids’? Sign me up!” she said enthusiastically, “Are you sure you don’t have any more brothers in need of a good wife?”
Maria let out a laugh, and you smiled at how much it sounded like Jake’s, “They are all snatched up I’m afraid,” she said.
Looking at Audrey, you chimed in, “I thought you said you were done taking random setups?” you asked her.
“Well they aren’t random if they are related to Jake and Maria,” she replied, “I don’t need a man I guess, it would just be nice to come home to someone other than mittens.”
“Who’s mittens?” Elisabeth asked, looking at Audrey confused.
“Oh I forgot to tell you, I got a cat!” she said excitedly, “He is the cutest little thing, a little trouble maker, but cute nonetheless.” She added, fishing her phone out of her pocket to show Lizzie a photo of her cat, a tiny little creature with fur as black as the night. It was flashing two yellow eyes, coming off as cute and innocent but if your second to last phone call, during which it had jumped up on one of the counters and stolen a sizeable chunk of cheese had been anything to go by, you knew Audrey was being more than kind by her description of the little lad.
“That’s wonderful!” Lizzie replied, “I’m glad you’ve got someone to come home to.”
“Yeah, me too,” she said quietly.
Lizzie set the cake out on the counter as Maria and Audrey finished the dishes. You had just put the last lid on the leftovers when Maria caught your eye. You shot a glance to Audrey and then back to Maria as you made your way to the cake.
“Audrey, you know there are quite a few single men that attend our church, maybe I can give them your number?” Maria asked her, “Let me get my phone and we can Facebook stalk them!” she added more excitedly, entwining her arm with Audrey’s, she pulled her out of the kitchen and back to the patio.
You quickly ran from the room and dug through your purse, pulling out the sonogram picture you had saved for the night. Jogging back into the kitchen, you almost ran straight into Lizzie in the doorway.
“Oops, sorry mom,” you said, a grin on your face as you gave her a quick hug before moving past to stick the photo on top of the cake, standing it up in the icing for all to see.
Lizzie came up behind you, admiring the cake, “Are you ready?” she asked.
“I think so, I’ll go tell them all to gather round, if you want to carry it out?” you asked her, turning to look at her from the corner of your eye.
“Sounds good to me, be right behind you,” she agreed.
You walked out, joining Jake by the table you had all been eating around. Jake lifted his arm up for you to cuddle into him. You found your spot right as Lizzie walked out, holding the three tiered beauty in front of her.
“Happy Birthday to you, Happy birthday to you,” Beau started, the rest of the guests soon starting to join in, “Happy Birthday dear Y/n, Happy birthday to you!” They finished in unison, right as Elisabeth placed the cake in the centre of the table and stepped back.
You looked for a knife, waiting for someone to notice the picture. Jake stood by you, keeping his conversation with Maverick going but trying to subtly nudge his attention towards the cake. Next to Maria, Bob was trying to do the same with Audrey but none of your efforts were working. You found your knife and picked up the paper towels, hoping that the colours might get them to pay more attention to what you were trying to tell them, but you didn’t need to. Although she had been staring at the photograph for the previous five minutes, trying to guess what it was actually showing, Phoenix’s penny hadn’t dropped yet. Once it had, however, she jumped up from her seat with a loud gasp, accidentally knocking it to the floor.
“OH MY GOD!” she exclaimed loudly enough that Beau jumped and dropped the burger he had been about to bite into on the floor. He grimaced as he picked it up, turning it around to see if it was salvageable and then angrily slamming it on his plate.
“OHMYGOD OHMYGOD OHMYGOD!” she screamed, “CONGRATULATIONS!” she added engulfing you in a bone breaking hug, making sure to stay well away from your tummy. Once she let go of you, she immediately jumped into Jake’s arms and squeezed him until the breath left his lungs.
“Holy sh--” Fanboy started.
“GARCIA, LANGUAGE,” Beau shouted, cutting the swear in half and covering Matthew’s ears with his hands. He had evidently been grabbed mid-game with Peter as while he wrestled himself out of his father’s clutches, his older brother happily ran towards the goal and kicked the soccer ball straight in between the two posts. Peter ran a victory lap around the garden, making sure to stop by a still struggling Matthew to stick out his tongue and rub in his failure.
“Goodness gracious,” Mickey tried again, this time sounding a little mocking, earning himself a sharp slap up the back of the head by Payback who was keen to avoid any extra push ups that week.
“Please excuse him, sir. His mother didn’t teach him right,” Reuben apologised.
“Don’t let it happen again. I don’t need you all corrupting my children,” Beau chided before turning back to the kitchen to prepare himself another burger.
As the rest of the group caught on to the exciting news reveal, you and Jake were crowded by everyone, most stopping to hug you before either pulling Jake into a hug or just shaking his hand and offering congratulations.
When you saw Javy having what appeared to be a more serious conversation with Jake, you turned to join before you were pulled away by Audrey. She pulled you into a tight hug and you felt tears soak the collar of your shirt. Annie looked rather smug as she approached you, Audrey’s shaky voice in your ear saying, “I can’t believe you’re going to have a baby, I’m so happy for you!”
Annie laughed at the sight the two of you made, “Do we have room for one more in this hug?”
Audrey looked between the two of you, and Annie’s calm demeanour before her tears dried up and she was pointing a finger between you, “She knew! How come she knew before I did?!”
“I just had a moment of doubt was all,” you said quietly, not wanting Jake to know about how anxious you were about parenthood.
Audrey regarded you a moment before pulling you into another hug, Annie joining on the other side, “Oh Y/n it’s going to be alright, you are going to be such a good mom,” she said into your ear.
A few tears leaked out of your eyes as you replied, “Thank you.”
All too soon, your sisters were pulling away from the hug and you were engulfed by Phoenix and Halo, both women excitedly asking several questions all at once, the only one you caught was from Phoenix, “How far along are you?”
“Oh, about six weeks,” you answered, placing your hand on your slightly puffy midsection.
“Geeze, Hangman,” Rooster called, having overheard your answer, “You got busy fast.”
“Bradshaw!” Phoenix chastised him, looking around at the kids present at the party. You could feel a blush of embarrassment spreading across your face.
His eyes got wide when he saw the Admiral rejoining the party, a new plate of food in hand, “Sorry, my bad.”
Suddenly Jake’s arm was around your back, his hand squeezing your side comfortingly, “Hey, don’t listen to him,” he said, his lips buried in the top of your hair.
“I know, I just didn’t expect someone to announce it to the whole room,” you said, relishing in the feel of his touch.
Lizzie cut the cake, revealing the pink and blue layers, “Alright, take which gender you think their little bean is going to be!” she called over the lawn as she started plating them up.
Before everyone took a bite, the whole group gathered together holding their plates out and up towards the camera, showing the colour of their chosen piece of cake.
Maverick approached you and Jake after the photo, an excited look on his face, “I’m so happy for you kids. I’ll be sad to lose you from the squadron for a while, but your safety comes first,” he said.
You and Jake shared a look before leaning into Mav some more, “Mav, about that,” you started.
He looked at the two of you confused before Jake took over, “Y/n’s contract is up this year, we don’t think she is going to reup.”
Mav’s eyes widened before he nodded, “I don’t blame you there kiddo, we will miss you, but you plan on staying close don’t you?”
“Yeah, this is our home. Besides, Jake will still be stationed here so you will be seeing plenty of us,” you answered.
“Good, good,” Mav said, nodding along, adding another, “Congratulations,” before taking a bite of his blue cake and walking away.
You and Jake sat, him with a pink piece and you with a blue piece, laughing together at the group around you. Phoenix, Halo, Maria, and your sisters were all scrolling through pinterest already planning little outfits to buy for your little bean. Rooster, Harvard, Yale, Coyote, and Payback were standing by the firepit talking about how they would have another pilot joining their ranks, the group laughing at all the different callsign options your future child could have.
You looked around the yard again, confused when you couldn’t find Fanboy. You finally spotted him sitting standing slightly behind Coyote at the fire, his plate still mostly full of cake, parts of both a pink and a blue piece still present.
You let out a laugh before pointing him out to Jake who laughed and called over to him, “Hey, Fanboy! How’s the cake?”
“Delicious! I just couldn’t decide what you were going to have, so I figured now either way I’ll be right,” he said with a smile.
The group laughed at his answer and the backyard got rowdy with small arguments about if you were going to have a boy or a girl. By the time everyone left, you were exhausted and by the time Jake slowed the truck to a stop in front of your house, you had fallen asleep, one hand entwined in Jake’s and the other resting on your stomach.
—
You woke up with a jolt, shaken by a loud noise coming from within the bedroom. For a brief, confused moment, you thought it might have been the fire alarm but when Jake stirred too and picked up his phone, the mystery was elucidated.
“Ciao, Mamma, come stai?” you heard him say into the receiver as he walked out of the bedroom, down the stairs and into the living room, rubbing his eyes. Instead of answering with how she was doing, Isabella bellowed into the receiver at a loud enough volume that you heard it through the walls.
“Piccola merda ingrata! Come osi! Come osi tenerlo lontano da noi! Quanto tempo avremmo dovuto aspettare che ce lo dicessi?” She screamed, “Non vuoi che siamo lì per te? Non ci ami? Ti abbiamo fatto qualcosa?” she continued, her screams turning into sobs as the phone call went on.
You swung your legs over the side and left the comfort of the bed to find where Jake had gone. You knew enough Italian by now to get most of what she was saying, but the muffled effect brought by distance and Isabella’s emotion made some of it hard to understand. You found Jake in the garage, sitting on one of his exercise benches, desperately trying to tell his mother that he hadn’t forgotten them, but that he had just been so busy --
“Troppo occupato per dire a tua madre che tua moglie è incinta?” she asked, her voice breaking on a few words.
“Mamma, mi dispiace tanto,” Jake apologised, sounding guiltier than you had ever heard him before.
"Mi stai spezzando il cuore” she sobbed, “You’re breaking my heart.”
“Mamma, ascoltami. non ho dimenticato. Volevo chiamare la domenica dopo la chiesa così saresti stato tutto insieme,” he told her, assuring her that he hadn’t forgotten and was just waiting to tell them all together
“Oh,” she said, “Oh mio caro, mi dispiace tanto, ho rovinato i tuoi piani!” she exclaimed, suddenly concerned that she may have ruined Jake’s plans
Jake looked confused and surprised, and very much like a man who had experienced whiplash from the way his mother’s tone had just changed. While she had been crying and screaming about how he didn’t love them a minute ago after he explained that he was planning to call Sunday her mood had done a one-eighty and you could now hear her watery smile through the phone.
“Va bene?” Jake asked incredulously, “It’s okay?”
“Non preoccuparti, sono a casa da solo. Nessun altro lo sa, puoi ancora fare quello che vuoi, lo terrò segreto,” she giggled, telling him she was alone and would keep his secret
Jake let out a relieved sigh, “Bene. Qualcosa arriverà attraverso il post, assicurati che nessuno lo apra prima di domenica,” he said, asking her to make sure no one opened the package he had sent via post, to be opened during the announcement
“Oh si! Terrò lontani i bambini,” she squealed, “Questo è così eccitante!”
Jake laughed, “E nonna. Tieni lontana anche la nonna.”
Isabella gasped, “Se la nonna lo sa, lo saprà il Texas,” she lamented, clearly already thinking of where she could hide whatever Jake was sending through the mail.
“Morning Isabella,” you said, gauging her mood and determining now was a good time to make your presence known without getting shouted at
“My darling! How do you feel? How far along are you? Is he treating you well?” she fired your way.
You laughed, “I’m fine, things are easy for now. Except for the coffee, I can’t stand coffee now,” you said and you heard her softly gasp in horror. Isabella, much like you functioned only on coffee, she even went to bed with one, claiming that without it she just couldn’t sleep right.
“And you keep forgetting things,” Jake said, laughing slightly.
“And I keep forgetting things!” you said, pointing at him, “I forgot the -- what did I forget again?”
“You forgot the cheese when you made mac and cheese last night,” Jake offered.
“Yes,” you said, “Not my proudest moment… But Jake was a dear about it.”
“Good. I did do a good job with him, then,” Isabella laughed, “I will leave you two to it then, Giovanni will be home soon,” she added, “Jake, you keep taking good care of her, and Y/n you make sure he doesn’t get into too much trouble.”
“I’m not that much of a trouble maker,” Jake protested.
“Uh huh,” his mother replied, totally unconvinced, “Ciao, you two!” she said before hanging up the call.
“I think my ears are ringing,” Jake said with a laugh as he brought a hand to his ear and massaged it, “That was loud… I tried to find a spot where the noise wouldn’t wake you…”
“The ringing woke me,” you replied, walking up to him. Jake leaned back against the wall as you sat down facing him with your legs at either side of him, “You okay?” he asked, rubbing circles into your back with one of his large hands.
“Sleepy,” you answered, nuzzling your face into his neck. Jake laughed as you did so, your movement tickling his skin.
“Let’s get you back to bed then,” he said, suddenly standing up, taking a hold of your legs and wrapping them around his waist, “Hold on tight baby, don’t wanna drop you two,” he added. He carried you back to your room, dropping you gently onto the bed and coming to lay down beside you, quickly pulling your back closer to him. You fell asleep with Jake’s hand resting on your growing belly, his thumb stroking your stretching skin.
—
“Are you ready for this?” Jake asked as he joined you on the couch.
You let out a little laugh, “What do you think it’s not going to go well?”
Jake shrugged while logging into his laptop, “I think it's going to go great, I do have a feeling they will be a bit overwhelming though, at least through the computer.”
“I’m sure they’re going to be fine,” you said, resting your head on Jake’s shoulder. The baby had gotten you up earlier than usual that morning and you were almost late to church because of your morning sickness. While you loved the little life growing inside of you, they could stand to let your stomach settle if only for a moment.
Jake clicked through the Skype menu, pulling up Isabella’s contact card. With one last glance at you, and your confirming nod, Jake pressed the call button. The computer let out a ringing noise for a moment before Isabella’s face popped up on the screen. You could see the excitement in her face, she looked like she wanted to jump through the screen to hug the both of you.
"Ciao miei cari, come state entrambi?” she asked, her eyes lingering on your side of the screen.
“We’re good mamma,” Jake said, “Up a little early this morning, but good,” he added, wrapping an arm around you and pulling you closer to him.
“Good, well we are all here!” she exclaimed, turning her computer to show the kitchen of the Seresin ranch, all of the family gathered around the island. A chorus of voices called out at the same time, “Hi Uncle Jake!”, “Jacob, Y/n”, “So good to see you!”, “Why are you calling?”.
Jake held up his free hand, “Whoa, one at a time! Hi Luca, how are you?”
“I’m good! I lost another tooth!” he exclaimed, trying to open his mouth from the other end of the island and show Jake his missing tooth.
“Wow, you’re getting so big buddy! When we come to visit next I bet you’re going to be taller than me,” Jake said, you knew he missed visiting his family, but you hoped to go back the following year for Christmas at the very least.
“Cos'è questa storia di Jacob?” Nonna asked, looking between the two of you sceptically, her eyes lingering on your side of the screen a moment longer than Jake’s.
Jake let out a laugh, “Don’t rush Nonna, you will know soon! Mamma, do you have the box we sent?”
“Yes, it’s just here,” she said, holding it up for you both to see.
“Alright,” you said, smiling brightly, “Why don’t you guys open it? There’s something in there for everyone!”
As the group gathered around the box, you and Jake tried to keep your wide smiles in, not missing the way that Giovanni was watching the two of you from the corner of the screen, a knowing smile on his face.
Jake leaned over to whisper in your ear, “I bet he knows, I’m not sure how he knows, but he does.”
You squinted your eyes at him, and Giovanni looked away quickly, trying to avoid any suspicion and failing miserably.
Suddenly, you heard an excited shriek and watches as Sofia held up a shirt excitedly, “Oh my goodness! She’s pregnant! They’re going to have a baby!”
As the shirts were pulled out of the box and distributed to the rest of the family, everyone began to shout their congratulations.
Alessandra was next, “I am so excited for you two! Let me know if you need anything? I would be happy to send some clothes that the boys don’t need anymore.”
“What are you having?” Tony asked, his eyes lit up with excitement.
“We are going to be surprised,” you said, “Just as long as they are healthy we don’t care.”
Everyone nodded along with that, “Oh how wonderful,” Nonna started, “I will have to make you a quilt!”
“One of the mare’s is due to have a baby roundabout your due date,” John said, “Maybe we can keep it for the little one!”
“That would be adorable,” Jake laughed.
“Do you have any names picked out?” Giovanni asked.
“We have a few we like but we’ll make a decision on the day. We want to meet them before we decide,” Jake replied, looking at you, “Want to make sure that it fits.”
“Okay, well, you’ll have to tell us if you do a baby shower so we can send you stuff!” Alessa said.
“I don’t think we will have one, to be honest. I think we’re enjoying shopping for baby by ourselves and the house will be full and loud enough soon, so I think we’re just going to spend these next few month by ourselves,” you replied.
“Speaking of full houses, is Maria there?” Isabella asked.
“She’s out with Bob, they’re looking at wedding venues today I think, and then they have a house viewing tonight,” Jake said.
“They’re coming for dinner later though, so we can always call you back tonight?” you offered
With that, the conversation happily switched from one happy event to another. Almost an hour later, as Jake’s computer warned of imminent battery death, you bid your in-laws goodbye. He pressed the ‘end call’ button and silence fell over the house, you closed your eyes, taking your time to enjoy it.
“I know I shouldn’t wish for time to go faster, but I just want them to get there,” Jake said, speaking the words you had just been thinking.
As much as you liked having the quiet and calm home life that you led now, with the next season of your life right around the corner, you couldn’t help but with time would just fly by.
#fanfic#top gun fanfiction#top gun maverick#top gun x reader#fanfiction#original fic#hangman x reader#jake hangman seresin#jake seresin#hangman top gun
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talk shop tuesday!!
i’ve decided that moving forward all my talk shop tuesdays will be long and obnoxious with multiple sections 😭
sec 1, ME!!: work was fine, patients were especially cranky today for whatever reason and a doctor got on to me ab “not giving him the info he needed” even though I PUT THE ORDER IN THE PT CHART AND HE WASNT PICKING UP HIS PHONE SO I COULD VERBALLY CONFIRM W HIM!!!! but then i had a publix sub for lunch and felt better. also think im building a caffeine tolerance cause i drank two energy drinks and was still yawning all day lol. love and hate healthcare
sec 2, YOU!!: after just dumping all my stress above it’s only appropriate to ask how your day was.
sec 3, Talk Shop Tuesday!!: How do you feel about collaboration fics? i’ve seen a couple in other fandoms and was wondering your overall thoughts about them. Also, how would you feel about someone else writing a sort of au of your fics? like another take of something you’ve already written? would you feel like it was plagiarism or would you be interested in it?
thanks for tolerating my insane asks lol
-🥤
AHHH Happy Talk Shop Tuesday Dearest Smoothie Anon! Thank you so much for this lovely and long, fantastic ask!! I love the multi section situations!! It's so much fun!
1. I'm glad that work went well! You are truly a hero working in health care omfg I am constantly in awe of everyone that does! Three of my IRL besties are nurses and I am just like constantly in awe of them (it's actually really funny they all only ever met because of me, yet they all work in the same field lol) Also yesss Publix really has the best sandwiches - I miss living in an area with Publix! They are next level. I feel you on the caffeine thing, I'm like I just had a large coffee AND a Celcius why am I sleepy? I saw an article though that they're thinking that caffeine might cause people with anxiety to like... calm down? Idk i just kinda skimmed it but was like that sounds like me haha I hope that you continue to have a good week! And that that doctor gets over himself and actually like... reads the charts moving forward
2. I'm good!! Work was chill, then I rode Pop and he was my perfect angel baby as always (he had his PEMF appointment this morning so he was an extra happy boy after getting zapped with the expensive happy magnet lol) and then I made myself a lil homemade personal pizza for dinner and am going to read some more of The Familiar - my friend also asked if I'd get tacos with her tomorrow so I'm like super hype about that now lol I am very food motivated 😂
3. I LOVE reading collaborative fics! They're always SO FUN and I love seeing how different author's bring their different writing styles and perspective together! I think writing one with another author would be super fun! But I know that I can be *a lot* so I doubt anyone would want to write one with me lol In terms of the second question I honestly have no idea how I would feel about someone writing fic of my fic lol I think it would be like a huge honor but I'd probably also get self conscious that they'd find all the flaws? I truly have no idea and also don't think my fic is worthy of that kind of honor - I'm still just so surprised and flattered and excited every time someone reads / comments on / sends me an ask about one of my fics - someone else writing fic about it would probably send me into cardiac arrest lol
Thank you SO MUCH for sending me such a lovely fun, multi part ask! I hope you don't mind the novel I wrote in response - it's always such a pleasure to hear from you! I hope that the rest of your week goes well! Thank you so much again!
❤️Ally
#allylikethecat#ask ally#anon ask#keep it kind#fanfiction#matty fic#gatty#fanfic#questions#answers#talk shop tuesday#sorry that this got so long#i got excited#and like in terms of the last question#i guess i cant fathom a universe where anyone would want to write fic of my fic#so like i cant figure out how to answer lol#thank you SO MUCH for this ask#and for reading and being so lovely#smoothie anon#🥤 anon#🥤
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this is probably the very first time i genuinely enjoyed writing with someone. it's the only collaboration i did that wasn't because of any arrangements by someone else or by command. and to add, i have no regrets. if ever, i've learned so much from this person. i'm happy to have found someone that has a similar way of writing process, and someone that actually gives me proper credits. i honestly never liked writing with people, probably because of incidents like they would take credit for what was originally my idea. ugh, men disgust me. i write with them, they lay claim to it, and expect me to not be enraged. (fuck you, redacted. i have yet to expose you) that aside, it was so wonderful writing with him. there's something about men in love—they radiate such a sincere energy that it becomes noticeable and distinct. the words he crafted were so raw and personal, i almost felt envious of his state. ENVIOUS. and on top of that, i got to write something about what i'm normally uncomfortable with. (actually, it might not be a romantic piece since it's about a toxic relationship but i wil consider it still) i'm so sleepy though, it's 5 am and i was supposed to study but i ended up writing something and thought of this.
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*CW: slight horror in the form of voids for eyes that drip goop, scribbles where eyes go, glitched art!
So, I have a story I've been pretending to work on since December last year called Sleepy Ghost Comic and I have an obsession with it so you're gonna hear a lot about it.
I'm not gonna write anything rn, I'm just gonna show off my blorbos for now!! This is Ghostpaw (dilute calico) and Berrypaw (brown....tabico?) <33
I love them so much and will gladly answer any questions about them!!
Here's their TH profiles and their folder:
#SleepyGhostComic#warrior cats#warriors oc#warrior cats erin hunter#i love these two so much#they're literally so cute#my favorite blorbo#ghostpaw#berrypaw#warrior cats story
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hii! i just discovered ur blog & absolutely adore ur writing🖤 especially ur writing for hidan bc he’s my fave. would u mind writing for kisame and/or yamato please? i love my underrated kings🥺
p.s keep up the good work, ur doing amazing!!
Relationship headcanons
Pairings: Yamato x reader||
Warnings: 18+, nsfw,
this has been in my drafts for ever.
Yamato
He simply cannot stress this enough. YOU ARE HIS BABY!
He treasures you like you’re the most important thing in his life. Which you are.
Your relationship with him as definitely been a roller coaster. Not in a toxic sense, more so, he’s not quite familiar with how to love you the way you need to be loved. It’s not that he doesn’t want to, or that he can’t, he just genuinely has no experience in the affection industry. Not romantically or platonically.
He is a very caring person, so he has a very good start but there are still a lot of things you’ve had to teach him overtime.
He knows that you love physical touch, and he loves it too, so that’s not a problem in your relationship. He’s so soft and gentle with you, and is actually very emotionally mature.
He’s a very collaborative person and prefers to work with you when it comes to resolving any kind of conflicts the two of you have. It’s always you and him versus the problem. As it should be!
Yamato couldn’t tell you why, but every time you wrap your arms around him during cuddle time, he gets very sleepy. You’ve mentioned that it’s probably because he feels so secure and safe that his head can finally clear up and he knows peace in that moment, finally being able to breathe.
You two can talk to each other for hours on end. And you still have so much to say to one another. You’re definitely not the silent couple.
His idea of an ideal day is working, and then coming home to spend time with you. He loves every minute he can get with you, and prefers to stay indoors where he can cuddle you.
Nsfw
He’s very gentle with you, he always takes his time, never rushing into anything.
It took you two a while to even talk about sex, let alone have it, and when you finally do, it’s even better than what you were expecting. You’re thankful for being patient and talking to each other about what you want and how you feel.
He literally delivered the exact way you asked him to on the first try. Not even one mistake.
What started off as clumsy kisses and tickles before bed, ended up becoming a very heated make out session. It all began when he unintentionally rubbed his boner along your ass while trying to hold you down in his tickle wrap. He accidentally grunted when his boner pressed right between your ass, your soft cheeks surrounding him so good he didn’t realize he was literally humping you until he heard you softly moan.
For a while you two engage in soft core stuff like this. Simply exploring each other’s bodies and getting to know what feels good and what doesn’t. And maybe he’ll make you feel so good that you both end up with a sweet orgasm.
When that phase is over you finally let him pull your shirt off and like a hungry lion, he immediately grabbed your breasts, latching onto your nipple while he gently fondles you, licking, sucking, nipping, feeding his craving for you.
From all your playing around, he knows your breasts are quite sensitive, and indulges in them until you’re tugging on his hair, on the verge of an orgasm but unable to hold out longer, your nipples very sensitive and sore at how long he’s been biting and sucking them. Your soft moans are like music to his ears and the experience is heavenly.
“Yamato!”, you whimper, the wood user finally lifting up his head to kiss you. Slow and passionate. All his moves are careful. “Yes darling?”, he says, lightly panting to try and catch his breasts, still fondling your breasts in his big hands. The way you hide your beautiful face in his chest and place his hand between your legs tells him all he needs to know, chuckling, he begins stripping your bottoms, finally ridding you of your underwear.
The two of you now looking down at your puss, Yamato slides his middle finger between your folds, starting your clitoris down to your opening, dipping his thick, long finger into your tight wetness. He’s able to only fit the the tip in, immediately pulling out at the sound of a loud whimper, making eye contact with you, only to start slowly massaging your clit, watching your lips part as a moan escaped them.
He swallows all your moans as he patiently massages you, occasionally dipping his finger inside of you to get more slick. He does this for about a minute before you’re squirming, your hand lightly rubbing his arm. Unable to further resist the pleasure, you moans grow louder, breaking the kiss and pressing your forehead against his, your hand squeezing his bicep as he stimulates you to orgasm.
“Oh baby, there you go, good girl”, he praises, managing to keep up with your arches and bucks as he kept stimulating you. “Yamato…”, you whimper, the look in your glistening eyes weary as the pleasure became unbearable. Attempting to push his arm away, he chuckled, keeping his slow rolls on your clit, adding more pressure, making your suddenly scream. Personally, you didn’t think he would actually try and overstimulate you, so this was certainly an experience. One you didn’t think would be this intense.
“What’s the matter darling?”, he asks, sucking and licking the nape of your neck, his finger still working your little button. “God!”, you cry, now whimpering like a little puppy at the constant pressure. “Please babyyyy! Uhhhhhh!”, you cry out, gasping before screaming as he suddenly picked up the pace. “Will you squirt for me?”, he whispers in your ear, his voice low and smooth in your ear, feeding off of how helpless you seem, under the control of his single finger.
The next orgasm leaves you screaming, trying and failing to crawl away from his hand, his weight keeping you under him. That’s when he decides to stop, quickly gripping the back of your knees to spread you open. “I guess I’ll have to force it out of you huh?”, you hear him say, before you feel sometimes wet and warm around your clit, your head falling back into the pillows as an intense surge of pleasure shot through your whole body, fully possessing you, making you whimper and whine.
Yamato softly sucked and slurped at your soaking pussy. You could feel his tongue all over you at the same time, occasionally dipping inside of you to stretch you open, making you violently buck your hips up, but the way he held you open restricted your movements, making you scream out loud.
“Mmmhmmm”, he moans, sucking on your clit as though he could draw another orgasm out of you. Another orgasm racks your body, clear fluid shooting out of you and into his mouth. A loud hum of approval is all you hear before you’re lost in the orgasm, actually crying as Yamato slurps and sucks at your bean, drinking up what he can, your body still being held in place by his strong arms while he devoured you.
Only god knows when this will ever end, Yamato is afraid he won’t be able to stop himself. Even seeing you crying and hearing you scream isn’t enough to make him feel the tiniest bit sympathy for you. You’re just so delicious and he’s been waiting for this for a long time.
Let the man eat please.
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A Lazy Morning
For Day two of Soft tummies week in @thepassifloradiscord (a collaboration with @officerjennie)
Rating: T
Ship: Gerlion
Prompt: Lazy Morning
CW: Mention of weight gain, scars,
AO3
_
If there was one thing in life that everyone should be allowed to have, it was a witcher to cuddle in the mornings. Dandelion would fight anyone who argued with him, and by fight, he meant he would write a scathing ballad about anyone who tried to argue. That morning in particular he was quite happily laying on his husband’s chest, boneless and humming a little ditty to himself as he practised his finger stretches on Geralt’s arm. The witcher was still asleep, his expression peaceful, his eyelashes brushing against his cheeks.
It was a warm summer morning, the light breaking through the windows in Dandelion’s Novigrad house, catching on the pollen and dust in the air, making the room look almost magical. But there were no enchantments at play. It was just the sunlight and an ordinary day. Yet it was perfect. They were staying in Novigrad for a year, a break from witchering, that had been the plan. Geralt was getting older and he’d had a challenging few years, what with saving Ciri from Nilfgaard and recovering from a near fatal injury in Rivia. It hurt Dandelion to think about his husband getting older, slower, and maybe the next time he got hurt it would be the last. So he’d pleaded with Geralt to at least consider retirement, or a vacation of some sort.
The scars on Geralt’s chest taunted Dandelion, a reminder of the day he’d almost lost his best friend. He sighed and kissed the skin beneath his lips. It was chaste, without any heat or passion, just a gesture to show his love. Geralt snored quietly, not stirring despite Dandelion’s movements. It was a testament to how much his witcher had been able to relax over the last few months, since they’d returned from Kaer Morhen. Geralt didn’t feel the need to keep one eye open anymore, not when he was with Dandelion, and that made Dandelion feel all warm inside.
“I love you, darling,” Dandelion murmured into Geralt’s chest, kissing each of the circular scars, jagged and deep. “I always have.”
“Shut up, Dandelion.” The words were slurred but affectionate.
Grinning, he looked up to meet his witcher’s eyes. Geralt was gazing back down at him, a faint and sleepy smile on his face. He was beautiful, and for the first time in his life since Dandelion had known him, he wasn’t half-starved and dehydrated. The thick muscles were now hidden under a lovely layer of fat that jiggled when Dandelion poked it. Geralt’s cheeks had filled out and he no longer looked gaunt and pale. All things that Dandelion had just assumed were witcher things had vanished the longer they stayed in the luxury of the city. Without the training and the contracts and the digging in pockets for scraps… the more Geralt had started to look, well, more alive.
And Dandelion had fallen more and more in love with his best friend day by day, until he couldn’t hold it in anymore and years of pining and suppressed feelings came tumbling out. It had been a blessing from Melitele herself that the feelings were requited and by early spring they’d been handfasted. Geralt’s brothers from Kaer Morhen had even been able to stay in the city long enough to celebrate with them.
The memory warmed Dandelion through and through, from the tips of his ears to his toes, and he couldn’t resist placing another kiss on Geralt’s chest, moving lower to the soft swell of his stomach. Geralt hummed under the touch, the beginnings of a purr starting to rumble in his chest, the muscles rippling beneath Dandelion’s lips as he nuzzled against the skin.
“Beautiful,” he sighed.
“I’m n-”
“Beautiful, Geralt. I won’t allow any arguments on the matter.” The words were punctuated with more kisses to Geralt’s stomach, and Dandelion smiled as Geralt’s fingers threaded into his hair, brushing a curl from his eyes. “I love you.”
Geralt hummed his agreement, never really one for words, but it didn’t matter. Some people showed their love in other ways. Just because Dandelion showered praise and poetry on his husband, it didn’t mean he expected it in return. It just meant that any words Geralt did use meant more, and that suited Dandelion just fine. Letting out a melodic peal of laughter, Dandelion peppered Geralt’s stomach with more kisses until his witcher had had enough and rolled them over, capturing Dandelion’s lips with his own. The day was still young, but neither witcher nor poet had any intention of getting out of bed any time soon. It was a lazy morning and it was perfect.
#the witcher#geraskier#gerlion#geralt of rivia#dandelion#julian alfred pankratz#jaskier pankratz#geralt#wolfie's witcher writing
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The illusion of Victory- Part 3
Thanks everyone for your patience! I've been dealing with some mental health things that's made me not want to write as much!
I'm doing a lot better now though! Hopefully they'll be more regular now!
I want to say a massive thank you to @lokifantasies for helping me with this part and for collaborating with me to incorporate one of her characters into my story very soon!
My master post is here with all the other parts!
Pairing: Loki x Female reader
Summary: You are Y/N the Goddess of Victory, after killing Thanos on Knowhere, the Time Variants Authority abduct you and Loki the God of Mischief and ask for your help in capturing a rogue variant. Yours and Loki's future child.
Word count: 1.5K
Warnings: SMUT (18+ Don’t make me ban you horny teens) oral sex, male receiving
Any Likes, comments and reblogs are always appreciated! Thank you for all the love so far. You guys are amazing! 🖤💚🖤
Let me know if you want me to keep writing more! And if you want added to the tag list!
@word-addict-lisette @with-inked-solace @queen-of-mischief @faraum @xaquarianqueenx @donttouchmylaevateinn
You stirred from your sleep, feeling Loki’s arms tight around your waist and his hot breath on your back. Then you remembered everything. You are Y/N, Goddess of victory, stuck in some time cell accused of “Crimes against the sacred timeline “or whatever the hell that even means. Then the organization that essentially kidnapped you both had the audacity to ask for your and Loki’s help after showing you your future child is running around killing their time agents. However, from your limited interaction with them, you were beginning to understand why someone might want to massacre them. You had been here less than 24 hours, and you had already considered killing them multiple times, especially the bitchier version of you, who you swore you would assassinate if she so much as flirted in Loki’s general direction again.
“Wakey wakey variants,” Cordi grinned, standing behind the shimmering orange doorway.
“Shit, I must have thought your name so many times that I summoned your ugly ass,” you quipped, smirking up at Cordi.
“Cute, but you’ve got studying to be getting on with,” she grinned smugly, tilting her head and running her pen along the bars on the window on the door. You shot her a look that would kill a man dead, were you not stuck in this magicless hell hole. You nudged Loki, waking him from his slumber. His bright blue eyes sleepily blinked to look up at you.
“Time to get up, sleepyhead. My evil twin wants us.”
“It’s too early for threesome’s Y/N,” Loki sleepily groaned, grabbing your waist and rolling back over in bed. “Seriously, Lo, we need to get up before she comes back. She wants us to study apparently, but unless it’s how to stab her in her stupid face, I’m not sure I want to learn anything from that bitch”, you said while shaking the sleepy god - standing up to head over to look at the pile of clothes designated for you. Loki smirked as he caught you staring at his chiselled body as he began to sit up in bed. “Darling, if you keep staring at me like that you know I’ll have to put something in that adorable mouth of yours to stop you drooling,” Loki smirked.
“Why don’t you?” you winked, reaching forward to pull down his trousers, unleashing his hardened cock and letting it slap off his toned abdomen.
“Such a needy little slut this morning,” Loki growled as your hot breath made his cock twitch - making you smirk as you began teasing him by suckling at the tip of his throbbing cock,tasting the pre-cum, and swirling your tongue over the tip.
You loved having him at your mercy like this. Hot, naked, frustrated, and horny. It almost made being trapped in this shithole worth it...almost. Loki grabbed hold of your hair, pulling your mouth further down his cock and fucking your face. He thrust his hips forward - his cock hitting the back of your throat as he chased his pleasure - making you hum with satisfaction. That was enough to send him over the edge as he moaned out your name - painting the back of your throat with his hot, sticky cum. You quickly stood up with his cum still on your tongue and kissed him passionately - letting him taste himself on your tongue, and making him moan into your kiss.
“As hot as standing here watching you two fuck would be…” Cordi’s dulcet tones interrupted you and Loki making out.
“Unless you want me to come in there and take over, get your asses dressed and be ready in five minutes,” Cordi winked, her eyes never leaving Loki’s naked form - the act making your blood boil. Begrudgingly, you dressed in your assigned clothes - a vintage fitted white shirt, a pair of high waisted black trousers, a purple necktie, and a set of purple pumps. Adorably, Loki’s outfit was the exact same, apart from his trousers were brown, and he had a green necktie and laced dress shoes.
Once Cordi returned to your shared cell, she escorted you both down the nauseating orange corridors until you arrived in a small office area filled with cubicles, ancient looking computers, and a creepy orange clock mascot dancing as a screensaver.
“Complete all the training exercises variants. I don’t want to have to come back down here and tutor you personally,” Cordi purred while fixing Loki’s tie, looking him up and down and biting her lip.
“Just because I don’t have my magic, and you look like me, doesn’t mean I won’t hesitate to break your neck if you don’t take your hands off him bitch,” you said in a calm but threatening tone - gaining a laugh from Cordi as she sauntered away, swinging her hips in the process.
“I really hate that bitch,” you reiterated to Loki as you threw yourself down in the leather chair behind the computer terminal, crossing your arms over your chest, irritated by her fascination with Loki.
“I can tell, but watching you teem with jealousy is positively delicious darling,” Loki grinned - bending down to talk into your ear, the vibrations from his low voice making your pussy drip with anticipation as he took a seat next to you, enjoying watching your cheeks flush.
“Howdy there! I’m Miss Minutes! Here to teach you all you need to know about the TVA and protecting the sacred timeline…,” a chirpy voice with a southern accent snapped you out of your horny daydream. You looked in bemusement at the orange clock hologram that strolled out of the computer and onto the desk.
“Now pay attention Loki and Y/N. You have a lot to learn,” the clock grinned at you both. It was irritating how cheerful she was, and a little eerie if you were being honest.
“Can you hear us?” You asked Miss Minutes - leaning forward in your chair, your hand passing through the hologram. “Are you a recording, or are you alive?” you asked again looking between Loki and Miss Minutes.
“Uhhhh…. Sorta both!” she replied, with her hands sassily on her hips. “Now let’s get back to business,” she grinned, shaking a finger at you and Loki.
“To defeat the huns?” Loki sang, making you try and fail to suppress a giggle.
The training exercises dragged on and on and after several hours you dozed off, your head gently resting on Loki’s shoulder as he struggled to keep himself awake by reading a jet ski magazine that was sitting on the desk next to Miss minutes.
You woke up as Loki began swatting at Miss minutes with the rolled-up magazine, a child-like glee in his eyes as he tried and failed to attack the tiny hologram mascot as she retreated into the safety of the computer screen.
“Is training going well?” Mobius asked as he strolled into the office just as you sat up straight in your chair. “Is that my jet ski magazine?” he questioned Loki, taking it out of his hands and batting him on the head with it.
“Come on, gear up you two. There’s been an attack, let's go,” Mobius said as he handed both you and Loki a parcel with a jacket inside. You opened it up and put it on. Yours was black, and Loki’s was brown. You fixed Loki’s collar and followed them both out of the room and into the corridors again until you emerged into a room with a giant computer monitor at one end showing what you presumed was the “sacred timeline” and a group of armoured people you recognised from your and Loki’s capture.
“Okay listen up. C-20 and her team went dark shortly after they jumped into the 1985 branch. All signs point to another ambush. We’ve grabbed enough temporal aura to know it’s our fugitive variant. But, as of yet, we have still to identify what this variant looks like. All we know is it’s a child of variants of these two variants here, God of Mischief and Goddess of Victory. So, they will be powerful and as we have already seen...deadly,” the main soldier stated bluntly, pointing over towards you and Loki.
“Do we get a weapon?” you asked Mobius while walking with Loki through the armoury of the TVA - various soldiers gearing up and ignoring you and Loki.
“No,” Mobius sighed, too busy looking at the small metal controller he held in his hands.
“Well, we’re going to have our magic back. Is no one concerned about that?” Loki asked Mobius, walking backwards to face him.
“Why would we be concerned, Loki?” Mobius asked, clearly getting annoyed at the number of questions being thrown his way.
“Ummm, in-case we betray you?” you chimed in, walking at the opposite side of Mobius.
“Listen Y/N, Loki. You already know we can catch you. So, unless you don’t want to meet the timekeepers and you don’t want to find out why your offspring is out murdering people then that’s fine. I’ll take you both right back to your cell,” Mobius said, one hand on his hip as he stopped in his tracks looking at you both.
“Not necessary, Mobius. I’m sure they’ll both cooperate,” Cordi said with a condescending grin appearing at your back. She walked ahead towards the orange glowing door, closely followed by yourself and Loki.
#loki kinky#loki#dom!loki#loki layfeyson imagine#loki imagine#loki smut#loki kink#kneel#loki fanfiction#loki fanfic#loki x you#loki x female reader#loki x reader#loki fic#loki laufeyson smut#loki laufeyson fanfic#loki laufeyson x you#loki laufeyson x reader#fan fic#avengers fanfiction#marvel cinematic universe#mcu loki#loki fluff#soft boy#avengers#marvel#loki mcu#tom hiddleston#tom hiddleston loki#Loki switch
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Invasive Species
Pairing: Hawks x Fem Reader
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Yandere, Dubious Non/Con, Stalking, Possessive Actions
Word Count: 7.7k
A/N:This is a part of the bnharem pen pals collab that can be found here! Please check out everyone else’s amazing work for this very unique smutty collaboration.
The noise was so faint, a gentle peck against the glass, the sound muffled by the mild summer breeze, that you hadn’t heard it. And so, the paper became lifeless, drifting down onto the floor to rest until you found it. You were startled when you saw it—a blood red feather, with a crisp, folded note tied to it, lying in your floor, the feather ruffling in the wind from the open window. Your heart pounded in your chest. You had seen feathers like that before, felt them against your skin and in your hair as a winged hero carried you to safety from a burning building just yesterday. But you’d been one of many, he saved so many people, yet he left a feather for you?
You’ll always be safe with me around.
–Hawks
You smiled at his writing, finding it to be much neater and prettier than you expected from a man in his twenties. What a kind, considerate hero to send you such an endearing promise. No wonder he topped the popularity polls, you mused, sitting on your bed and re-reading the little note. You tapped the feather against your lips, twirling it between your fingers. You remembered how he was able to control the nimble things, sending feathers zipping across the sky to pull people by their collars and the back of their shirts to safety. Surely he would want it back, right? You felt it twitch within your hand as if it could read your mind.
Quickly, you searched your desk, ripping at a piece of paper to create a slip similar to the size of his note. You took a breath before writing, not wanting your handwriting to seem unsteady or nervous. You wondered if anyone ever wrote him back, or if people kept his feathers like trophies.
Thank you, Hawks. I’m grateful that someone will be watching after me.
You signed your name in the bottom corner.
The crimson feather darted away when you placed it on your window sill, jumping like it was alive. It carried your note back to waiting hands and a cheeky smile, to a man only a few rooftops away. Avian eyes narrowed and darkened at your innocent words.
You didn’t realize it at the time, but your message was an invitation to a very dangerous game.
The next little letter came about a week later, long after the sun had set and your eyes were heavy. The quill against the glass spooked you, the sound reminiscent of sharp nails tapping to get your attention. You opened the window and the feather fluttered past your cheek, landing perfectly in the middle of your desk like it belonged there. You rubbed your eyes as you sat down to read it, flicking on the dim light that you had just turned off to go to sleep.
You couldn’t help the way you smiled when you saw that this letter was personally addressed to you.
Sorry for making you wait so long. I’m not used to writing letters. But your handwriting is so pretty, I thought I could implore you for another? Please tell me something about you.
–Hawks
You blinked at the paper, thumbs crinkling the edges. There was something about the letter that made your heart thump a little harder in your chest, blood racing in your veins. You realized that you were not one of many to receive an assuring note from the hero; no, you had been sought out by him, plucked and singled out of the crowd. Hawks had remembered you in particular. A small bit of adrenaline kicked into your system as you picked up your pen.
This is going to sound like I’m trying to be sweet on you, but I’ve actually always loved birds. My favorite are the pretty red song birds that I hear outside my windows in the evening.
There was a compulsion for you to keep this response letter a little longer. You mulled it over, hoping he wouldn’t get the wrong idea. You weren’t lying, those cute little song birds did bring you joy, but there was a tinge in your heart to impress him, to make him smile as he read your letter.
And as quick as the feather flew in, it flew away, a red streak across the star speckled sky. You finally curled up in bed, a concoction of excitement and content brewing in your chest. You held your pillow a little closer, dreaming of the brush of soft wings against your skin.
But those wings were dark, casting shadows in the moonlight, now only a single rooftop away from you. Hawks held your letter in his hand, golden gaze locked onto the color of your curtains. He wondered if you’d ever become privy enough to shut them.
He read your words over and over again, smiling at how coy you were. He knew you were clever, but he didn’t expect you to be so daring. He brushed his hair behind his ear, pressing the small scrap of paper to his nose, trying to get a hint of the sweetness he had smelled in your hair when he plucked you from that building. You were so darling in his arms; he loved how you clung to him, small hands around his neck like you would collapse without him, even when he had you safe on the ground.
The letter in his hand felt like the key into your life, and all too quickly he found himself writing back to you. And in the depths of the night, this particular letter and feather were hand delivered by the pretty bird from outside your window, though you’d never know it.
___________________________________________________________
You found the letter tucked neatly into the corner of your window, the one closest to your bed. It had been the first thing your eyes focused on as you awoke, the crimson barbs of the feather gleaming in the early morning light. You laid in the comfort of your warm bed for a few moments just gazing at the sight, sleepy mind trying to piece together how and why the winged hero had taken an interest in you. He was so handsome, so popular, so tantalizing in a curious way.
The summer breeze was warm even so early in the day. You left the window open to allow a current of fresh air in, settling back into your pillows as you unfolded the note.
I suppose liking birds is something we have in common. Those pretty red song birds outside your window are actually cardinals…an invasive species in Japan, but pretty nonetheless.
P.S. Perhaps I could soon become your favorite red bird.
–Hawks
You read it a few times, worrying your lip as your eyes raked over every word. There was something to be read between the lines, only you worried you weren’t finding the hidden meaning. Why mention that the birds were invasive species? It made them sound impish and not as lovely knowing they weren’t really supposed to be there. Yet their morning calls were beautiful, melodic, a comfort to your ears from the open window. And was Hawks…flirting with you? His post script seemed so playful and nonchalant, and reading it had your cheeks turning pink.
You busied yourself with your morning routine as you debated how to reply. You didn’t know Hawks, you didn’t even know how he found out where you lived, and yet he was flirting with you so offhandedly, like he expected you to return his dalliances. Had he come early this morning before starting his hero work? Or did he work at night, and sent a feather before returning home? There was so little that you knew about him that it made you nervous to be stepping into such an unknown situation, but surely it didn’t mean much to him. You were a little nobody; he was the number two hero.
Even still, in a way, it felt so romantic, finding hand written letters from him, like you were out of time, floating in a midsummer bliss. But it also felt disquieting, like you were stepping out into a vast, unknown ocean.
You sat down to write to him before you left to begin your day. The feather in your hand was so light, so soft, and you gently stroked your thumb over the barbs, watching them split apart and then find one another again. The hollow shaft seemed to quake in response. You were reminded of how every feather appeared to be alive, controlled by their far-off master. They were so sensitive to every touch, every gust of wind. You dipped your finger against the edge, watching the alluring color bleed against your skin.
Can you feel what your feathers feel, Hawks?
And you set the feather free once again, having to block the sun from your eyes as you watched it dance away, note dangling from a long forgotten ribbon you had found in your drawer.
But soon, you forgot about it, carried away by the daily musings of your life.
______________________________________________________________
As for Hawks, he thought about it all day, carried your little note in his pocket as he attended to his heroic duties across the city. The image of your window, of your little home where it was tucked away, always remained in the back of his mind. He was itching to go back to the rooftop from where he watched you; he wanted to see your reaction as you opened his letter, watch you ponder how to respond. He was quickly becoming addicted to you, to watching you when you least expected it.
He had perfectly crafted his response by the end of his day, broad wings hurrying him to his favorite resting spot. Your city apartment was so high up, no one from below could dream of looking up to see you. But he could see you, he had scouted the best from which to watch you. He was just high enough where you couldn’t peer back at him, the perfect perch for a predator to watch his prey. From the neighboring rooftop he could see the entirety of your bedroom. It was like a painting on the wall of a museum, wonderfully on display for him to admire, especially when you came home.
He rested his cheek in his palm as he watched you come in your bedroom door. He could practically hear you sigh as you dropped your bag, stretching your arms above your head to rid yourself of the small tensions your day had brought you. And this was his favorite part—you quickly shimmied out of your pants, a little dance as you bounced back and forth on your heels, pulling one leg up and then the other. You then bent over and pulled your favorite pair of soft shorts from the floor, having unceremoniously dropped them there the night before. You looked so good in those, he mused, the cozy fabric stretched so snugly upon your hips, curving just right across your backside.
He waited for you to get comfortable, then plucked a feather from his wings, tying his note to it with the ribbon you’d sent out this morning. He grinned at how you jumped when the feather flew through the crack in your window. He made a little show of having it swirl around you before landing it on your desk.
I can feel everything that my feathers touch—the wind, water, sound vibrations, they’re a part of me. You should give this one a kiss before you send it back.
The name’s Keigo, by the way. Takami Keigo.
Did you always blush like that when you opened his letters? He watched you stand up and pace around, thumb between your pretty lips, lost in thought. Soon you grabbed the note again, plopping on the edge of your bed to read it over. Your legs crossed and uncrossed, a smile finally pulling at your cheeks. He watched with delight as you picked up the feather, tingles immediately spreading across his skin at the feel of your fingers.
He groaned as you brushed your fingertips over the barbs. He pulled at his tinted eyewear, bringing them to rest upon his head so he could watch you more closely. A lock of hair twisted around his finger as he anxiously waited for you to do as he asked, to kiss his feather, to let him have a fleeting moment where he felt the ghost of your lips upon his skin.
But you didn’t, you just kept stroking the long red feather, teasing him. His brows furrowed as you stopped, watching you sit the feather back on your desk, along with his note. How could you…how could you not respond to him right away? Why not give him what he desired?
Hawks watched in disbelief as you sauntered out of your bedroom into another part of your little home.
He waited for what felt like hours for you to come back. He should’ve left when the sun went down, he chided himself, bringing his wings closer to his body. Autumn was in the wind. He had almost left, was even picking himself up and shoving his hands into his pockets when your room lit up like a beacon calling him back. So he settled back into his spot, golden eyes watching your every move.
His breath caught in his throat when you began to shed your clothes—all of them. He’d watched you for over a week now, and finally you were fully naked before him. You looked ethereal with the dim light of your room spilling over your curves, every single line of your body on display. He found himself sitting up straighter, perched on the balls of his feet like at any moment he was going to leap into your arms.
Were you…? Oh fuck, you were walking to your desk, sitting down and taking a pen into your hand. Instantly he was hard, fingers encircling his cock with a death grip as you picked up the feather, his feather, and admired it for a moment. He could feel your breath blowing against the soft barbs, the warmth spreading over him like a blanket from the breeze. But you sat it down, electing to instead write him back, treating him to the lovely sight of your naked back arched over your desk, the elegant sinews of your shoulders on exhibit.
And then you were in your window, your naked body so temptingly close. He wanted to reach out and touch you, to feel the weight of your breasts within his palms.
As soon as he felt the wind blowing against the feather, he pulled it back to him. He always knew when it was your feather returning to him, even when he couldn’t see it. He could sense the heft of the paper tied to it, pulling at the feather like it wanted to sink to the ground. He even recognized the tenderness in your touch, felt how you always twisted the feather between your fingers.
You’re cheeky, Keigo. A kiss? I hardly know you. Maybe one day.
He scoffed at your words, folding the note back into its creases. Your light flickered off, the moonlight the only illumination for him to gaze into your little world. He watched you climb onto your bed, expecting you to curl up in your favorite spot and drift away into your dreams.
He was very happily mistaken.
Your hands were on your body, one cupping your breast, the other slipping into your mouth. He stroked his cock through his pants at the sight, eyes wide and ravenous as he watched the scene unfold before him. You were slow, thorough, taking your time running your hand over your curves, twisting at your nipples. Your fingers left your mouth and traveled south, to another pair of lips he had yet to see. You spread your legs, teasing yourself as your head dipped back against the pillow.
Hawks was desperately moving his head, angling his body to try to see what sweetness was waiting for him between your legs. But your thigh was in the way, blocking his view, and he huffed indignantly as he unzipped his cargo pants. His cock was achingly hot as he released it, the night air bringing a refreshing chill to his scorching skin. He wrapped his hand a little too firmly around himself, closing his eyes for only a brief moment to imagine how tight you’d be around his cock.
Your face was awash with pleasure, lips hanging open. He silently vowed to etch that look upon your face himself.He watched you intently, memorizing every movement, every place that you touched yourself. He could’ve observed you for hours, if it wasn’t for his unrelenting need to orgasm. He pumped himself to the paces you set, alternating between fast and slow, wanting to cum the moment you did. But the moment he saw your back arch, his keen hearing picking up on a high pitched moan through the window, he lost control, spilling himself all over his hand and down the front of his shirt, dripping onto his pants.
He’d been so caught up in his own ecstasy that he missed yours. He only saw you in the afterglow, your curves sinking into the mattress as sleep overcame you.
He wrote you a quick letter, leaving it wedged against your window sill. He took a moment to admire you up close, hand pressing to the glass to steady the silent flapping of his wings.
___________________________________________________________
But I know you.
There was no signature to the note, only large fingerprints upon your window.
They were like little specters, ghastly against the morning dew.
Your stomach dropped at the sight, dread bubbling to the surface. He had hand delivered this note, had been at your window, had seen you at some time in the night. You pulled your sheets to your chest, recalling that you’d fallen asleep on your comforter naked last night, only waking in the early hours of dawn to finally crawl under the covers. Had he seen you? Is that what he meant?
He reminded you of Hermes, a winged protector of humans, but a trickster god nonetheless, flittering around the country with a bright smile and witty banter, but perhaps something darker in his heart. Maybe he was worse than Hermes, maybe more dreadful, more sinful. For a while there had been something nagging at you, pulling at the strings of your intuition and whispering danger. But now…now that feeling had blossomed into fear.
You decided you had indulged the winged hero enough. There was no need to reply. Any romance you had felt from the actions withered away, dying out like a flower left in the sun.
You started to close your curtains when you came home most days, just in case.
Weeks went by, and autumn came. The cardinals stopped singing, with no other red feathers or letters in sight.
But sometimes you could hear rustling outside, see familiar shadows pass by.
He was on your television screen, too, newsfeeds obsessed with the most popular hero. He was always being praised for saving more people, for helping rescue and clean up after a disaster. He was darling on the screen, blonde hair always slightly a mess from flying. He seemed so handsome, so harmless, but you could see the glint in his eyes. He was something wicked, something enticing, and you hated that you had thought about him every day since his last letter.
The morning you found his note, you had thrown the paper in the trash, and thrown the feather back out the window. But by evening, it had fluttered back, red and sweet like a rose growing against the glass. You’d left it there, hoping the wind would take it away, but days went by and it was still hanging on, a reminder of his presence. A storm was on the horizon when you relented and took the feather in. There was something inside of you that couldn’t bear to see the cherry colored barbs wilt in the rain.
You tucked it away in your desk drawer, not as a reminder, but to just to get it out of sight. At least, that’s what you told yourself.
Some of your nights were restless, plagued with thoughts of him, of Keigo Takami peeking into your window, of his plush wings against your skin.
____________________________________________________________
It was after an especially long, grueling day, that you gave in to your repressed thoughts.
You stood at the foot of your bed, ready to climb in, when some unknown force had you turning on your heels. It was like your hands had a mind of their own, pulling open the drawer and plucking the crimson feather from its resting place. You twirled it before you, nostalgia creeping across your skin as you remembered how the feathers used to look in the summer sky.
The feather felt like red silk upon your lips when you kissed it. You wondered if he could still feel it, after all these months.
You laughed at the inane thought, kicking off your shorts as you finally found your way into bed. You gazed up at the ceiling, counting the moonbeams that had slithered in through the cracks in the curtains. You hadn’t closed them all the way, but you rarely did anymore.
You sighed, closing your eyes and trying to imagine yourself somewhere else. Your fingers drifted down to the hem of your underwear, toying with the edges. You thought of strong arms around you, thick hands in place of your own. You thought of a new hero you had read about earlier, some young, recently graduated young buck from a hero program. You bit into your lip as you tried to recall his name. All you could remember were wild plumes of purple hair, which looked so luscious and soft in the online videos. You tried to imagine him, or someone like him, at least, pressing themselves between your legs.
Your fingers rubbed lazy circles on your clit, warming your body up. But you couldn’t stay focused on one thought, the problems of your day tiptoeing back into your conscious as you tried to pleasure yourself. Your other hand slipped under your big t-shirt, tugging rather roughly at your nipple as you tried to bring yourself back into a different headspace. You increased the speed of your fingers, only to find yourself panting in dissatisfaction at your actions.
“Fuck,” you called in frustration to the darkness.
“Seems like you need some help, little bird.”
You had never expected the darkness to call back.
Your whole body stilled, going completely numb as you opened your eyes.
Hawks stood near your desk, absentmindedly fiddling with the feather you’d left on its surface. The window was open, curtains billowing and brushing against dark wings that eclipsed the moonlight. You felt like the shadows his wings cast were smothering you, sinking around your lungs like an inky vice, keeping your voice trapped within your chest.
He had the audacity to smile at you. His hands were deep in his pockets, dressed in sweatpants and a t-shirt that looked haphazardly thrown upon his shoulders. You wanted to run away, but you felt glued to the bed, beguiled by smoldering golden eyes as he approached.
“I know what you like, you know. Watched you do it so many times now.”
You braced yourself against the bed, the sheets slipping down as you crawled back, gaze transfixed on the predator placing his knees on the downy comforter. He was so quick, grabbing your leg and pulling you towards him. His smile never wavered as he pressed a wet kiss to your ankle, tongue sneaking out to catch a taste of your skin. You whimpered at his words, tongue too heavy in your mouth to form ones of your own.
“Cat got your tongue? Come on, I want to hear that pretty voice. Say the magic word, and I’ll be happy to help you out.”
It was like you were engulfed by his presence. The air smelled like him as he spread his wings, gently ruffling them before settling them back down to his sides. He smelled like rain, felt like a raging storm from above you, all dark clouds and lightning as his quick fingers started to move up your calves, keeping your legs spread to accommodate him upon the bed.
“N-no.”
Your voice was weak, just a hot gasp of breath into the room.
“You sure about that, baby? I promise I know exactly how to touch you.”
To prove his point, a hurried hand wrapped around your hip, thumb slipping under the fabric of your underwear to skim across your hip bone. You shuttered, his touch was too warm, feeling like he was burning his thumbprint into your skin. But it felt good, the pressure behind the digit so firm, making you feel so real against your body’s borders, feel alive at the jolt of pleasure that ran down your spine.
But with his body hovering above yours, it felt like there was a heavy weight falling onto your chest, pushing you down, down, down, deep into the mattress and holding you hostage. You wanted to push him away, to scream, to pull at his wings until it hurt him. But you were quiet, frozen in place, entranced by golden curls in the moonlight. And he knew it too.
“I’m going to show you everything I’ve learned by watching you,” his head dipped down, smile hanging just above your face, “and show you a few new things I know you’ll love.”
“Hawks,” you breathed out, hands finally moving and finding purchase against his chest. You wanted your tone to sound berating, angry, but instead your voice sounded pleading.
The brush of his lips against yours was so delicate, a penumbra against supple flesh.
“Keigo,” he corrected, the syllables of his name pressing into your lips.
He drank you in with a heavy groan, kissing you like a man starved for touch. You couldn’t close your eyes, too shocked at the sudden intrusion. Just moments ago you were dreaming of a man between your legs, and now one was here, he was real, eyes shut as he moved his lips against yours. Your sight was blurred by forming tears, your vision focused on the black lines that adorned his eyes. They were so beautiful, so stark against his soft skin, a reminder of how truly avian he was; a reminder of his primordial instincts.
The hand on your hip drew your body up into his, fingers now gripping at your ass with bruising strength. Your mouth fell agape at the stinging pain of his roughness, allowing his hot tongue to slip between your lips. You fisted his shirt, trying to push him away, only to be met with lithe muscles straining underneath the fabric. You were reminded that he might be slender, but he was still a trained fighter, the number two hero, and he could do anything he liked to you.
He was brash, eager, desperate to finally touch you. His kiss was sloppy and wet, full of hearty groans as his hips bucked against your own. Your eyes finally shut, mind trying to picture someone else above you, someone who didn’t stalk you, scare you, but yet you could only imagine him. His presence was suffocating, his smell saccharine, the brush of his fluttering wings addictive.
“I knew you kept my feather,” he panted against your lips, his head dipping to your neck where he pressed open mouthed kisses to your beating pulse, “I knew you’d call out for me.”
“Hawks, no, that’s not what I was—”
He forcefully sucked at your neck, the sharp pain silencing you.
“Keigo,” he reprimanded against your skin, “come on, you didn’t miss me? Not even a little?”
“How can I miss you when I know you’re always there?”
He chuckled, sitting back and plucking your hands from their tight grip against his shirt. He held a wrist in each hand, settling them on either side of your face, pinning you down under his strong arms.
“I wanted to write you so many more letters, but I was worried that you’d throw them away.”
“I would have.” You sneered, wiggling in his grip.
“But why? I told you that you’d always be safe with me around, little bird.”
“You’re stalking me, Hawks—”
The grip on your wrists tightened, his thick fingers crushing the delicate bones, a warning.
“I’m watching over you.”
He gradually removed his hands from your wrists, the movement slow, steady, his keen eyes watching to see if you would react. Your skin was throbbing, bones aching from his relentless grasp. You didn’t move.
“And look at how I found you, baby, so desperate for help.”
His fingers pressed between your legs, rubbing against your clothed sex. Pleasure ran through your veins like a shock wave, your legs instinctively closing around his forearm. He sat back on his knees, marveling over how your body reacted to such a simple touch. He moved a little faster, a little harder, middle finger pressed firmly against your slit. He daringly pressed in, the fabric of your underwear keeling at his actions, sinking inside of you.
“Fuck, you’re so wet already, is this all for me?”
You could only shake your head no, too stunned to open your mouth to speak. He smirked, running his other hand through his hair, whistling at the vexing sight before him. For so many nights he’d wanted to be right here, in your bed, your thighs spread across his own as he touched you, toyed with you, proved to you that he could please you.
He kept his hand on your pussy, using the other to lift up your shirt, fingers searing across your belly. They kept moving upwards, pushing your shirt away to reveal your breasts. He licked his lips at the sight, fingers itching to pull at your nipples.
“Say the magic word,” his voice was lower now, more sinister, “say it, and I’ll touch you how you like.”
Did you even have a choice?
His hands were perfectly still, like he was a man stopped in time. You blinked at him, once, twice, wondering how something so beautiful could be so nefarious. He looked like a fallen angel, like his feathers had been dipped in blood and he was going to paint you with them. Your heart rate slowed, any adrenaline you had to fight beginning to flush from your veins. Your pussy was aching, the tip of his finger stretching you just enough to make you want more.
“Please.”
His eyes snapped to you, black pupils narrowed.
“A little louder,” he commanded, “and say my name.”
You swallowed, tongue wetting your lips. Your fingers dug into the sheets, still next to your face where he had left them. You were sweating, overcome with the feeling of your naked chest heaving with shaky breaths.
“Please…Keigo.”
The dam broke, sensations flooding over you as he moved freely over your body. Your shirt was gone in an instant, your torso thumping back to the bed before you even realized he had ripped the material over your head. His shirt was gone, too, being shimmied over his wings and tossed into the floor. He was so quick, nimble fingers ridding you of your panties in the blink of an eye. And then he was on you, two fingers sunk deep into your pussy before you could even think to breathe.
You cried out, body arching as he pumped the digits into you at high velocity, your slick walls clenching. You felt his flaxen hair tickle your chest as his warm mouth sucked one of your nipples into the wet cavern, tongue shamelessly flicking over the hardening bud. Fuck, he felt so good, so warm, so real against your body, so much better than your own hands.
His teeth pulled at your nipple, white hot heat surging through your body in response.
“Keigo!” You scolded, but your voice was so high pitched, so laden with lust, that he mistook it for praise.
He continued to nip at your breast, fingers still plunging in and out of your pussy, the sounds lewd to your ears. His pace was wild and excited, making your skin tingle from all the attention. He sucked at your nipple, releasing the bud with a wet pop, a string of saliva still connecting his flushed lips to your darkening skin. He nuzzled his face to the underside of your breast, leaving you gasping as he sucked and nipped at the sensitive skin, nose pressing into the fleshy mound.
His fingers slowed as he sat back to look over your writhing body. He smirked, curling his fingers just right, pads brushing against the soft, flat place buried deep inside of you.
His free hand encircled your jaw, pursing your lips.
“Watch me, little bird.”
You nodded in his grip, keeping your eyes on his as he came to lay between your thighs. He draped one leg across his shoulder, allowing him to angle his head as he pressed a kiss to your clit. You moaned wantonly, worrying your lip between your teeth as you watched him. He was smiling at you, warm golden eyes hypnotizing you to keep observing. He was ready to put on a show, to let you see how observant he was, how he knew your body like the back of his hand without ever touching you before now.
The way he licked at your clit was intoxicating, little hot swirls with the tip, then heavy strokes with a flat tongue, alternating just how you liked. That sizzling coil inside your belly began to tighten. He was moaning against your wet flesh, the vibrations tingling down your pussy lips. He was enjoying himself, savoring you like an expensive meal he’d waited ages to try. His fingers kept in pace with his mouth, stroking you just right, strumming you like the devil would his fiddle within his hands.
He then employed a trick he learned from watching you. With his other hand, he spread your labia, exposing your sensitive clit even more to his hungry mouth. You shivered at the onslaught of pleasure, body so hot you felt like you could burst into flames, melt into the bed, die a little death. You whimpered, still wholly spellbound by the vision between your legs. Hawks’ wings seemed to shutter with every moan you made, the red plumage highly attuned to every sound, every move of your body.
Every touch, every lick, was so sinful and wicked. You tried to remind yourself that you didn’t want this, that Hawks was dangerous, that he had stalked you for weeks and could only tempt you so expertly because he watched you through your windows. But he was so beautiful, so devilishly divine between your legs, hot tongue swirling figure eights against your clit, fingers beckoning you to come undone.
“You like this.” He said it between long licks, fingers beginning a new, more ruthless pace inside of you.
A string of curses left your lips, your thighs beginning to quiver against his shoulders.
“No, no, please no,” you said the words to yourself, the pleasure he was creating becoming unbearable between your legs. He continued to lap against your folds, fingers spreading you wider, keeping you open and unprotected for him. He knew you were close, could feel your walls tightening. He added a third finger just to be cruel, to watch you shrink against the sheets as your back arched for him.
“Cum on my face, baby, I know you’ve thought about it before.”
To your shame, you absolutely shattered around him at his words, your pussy spasming, your orgasm flooding all of your senses. You felt like you couldn’t breathe, like you were blissfully pinned down by his feathers, asphyxiated by his overbearing presence within your room, within your body. He stopped his ministrations, electing to watch you unfold for him from between your legs, eyes brighter than ever before. He could see the muscles within your lower stomach contracting, could feel your orgasm upon his fingers, slick coating them in gentle waves, all for him. The sight was more glorious than he ever imagined, the girl of his dreams cumming all over his fingers, all over his mouth, your sweetness flooding over him.
He didn’t allow you time to breath, time to bask in the afterglow of your orgasm. He quickly pulled you into his arms, sitting you in his lap, greedily kissing your lips.
“Keigo,” you whined, pressing against his chest, trying to find a moment to breathe.
“Fuck, I love the way you say my name,” his lips were relentless, seeking yours out every time you broke away, head following you like a moth would a flame, “keep saying it, baby.”
“Keigo, get out.” You growled, threading your fingers through his hair and jerking his head away. You kept him at bay, keeping a steady pull on his blonde locks.
“Oh no, I’m not done with you.”
His eyes were so dark, his cock so hard between your dripping legs.
He was the devil, Lucifer himself, the wayward angel staring at you, waiting to devour you. And you, you summoned him.
There was no incantation that could contain him or send him away. His arms tightened around your back, one hand pulling you into him by your shoulder, the other hastily pulling himself from his pants.
“See what you do to me, little bird,” he took your hand and wrapped it around his cock, big hand using your smaller one to stroke his length, “I’m always so hard for you.”
You couldn’t help the shameless moan that tumbled from your mouth. His cock was silky smooth against your fingers, throbbing and hot, far too hot, and slick from his own pre-cum. You didn’t protest as he used your palm for his pleasure, a sly grin upon his cheeks as he felt you become complacent in his lap.
�� “Haw—”
The hand on your shoulder was swiftly upon your face, two fingers that tasted like your pussy invading your mouth to silence you.
“When you’re with me, you call me by my name.”
You nodded softly, eyes shifting across the planes of his face, attempting to read his serious expression. He continued to run your hand upon his length, guiding you to squeeze his swollen tip, thumb petting the underside of his cock. His thumb hooked in your cheek, not so gently tugging at the elastic flesh, studying how you let him touch you. He skated his fingers across your tongue, hoping to feel the wet muscle react to him.
“Keigo,” you mumbled against his fingers, the sound like manna from heaven to his ears.
“Good girl,” he cooed, feathers ruffling as he pushed you back onto the pillows.
You laid before him again, limbs heavy and with the ghost of his fingers still in your open mouth. He looked like a god as he towered above you, wings spreading wide as if to parade their otherworldly beauty before you.
Then you felt the weight of his hips between your legs, the press of his chest against your own, the prickle of his facial hair against your neck as he settled himself there. His hands were on you again, precipitous and heedless against your curves, twisting and pulling at your flesh to bend one leg back, hook the other around his waist.
His cock nudged at your wet heat, one of his hands guiding him inside of you, the stretch simultaneously delightful and dreadful. Protest was on your tongue, you could taste the words, feel your gut instinct to use your curled leg to kick him away. But your arms welcomed him, encircling his shoulders as you moaned for him. Your head tipped back against the pillow and he took the opportunity to latch on to you again. His tongue lapped at the sore spot he had created earlier with his mouth, tasting the saltiness of sweat upon your skin.
“You feel so good around my cock,” he groaned, hips beginning to snap into you. Your nails dug into his shoulders, his feathers brushing against your knuckles as he moved within you. You felt so full, so entirely encompassed by him, enraptured by the sweetest devil.
All your movements felt coerced, like your body was following his lead against your will. Your hips began to match his thrusts, bucking up into him in order to feel his thick cock fall deeper into you. His strong hands encouraged you, gripping into the supple flesh of your thighs as he pressed himself into your wetness, faster and faster with every thrust.
You kept your eyes open for a moment, entranced by the exquisite scene above you. Keigo felt unhinged, electric against you, golden curls bouncing upon his head, red feathers dancing upon his back. But his face was smooth, pretty, cheeks dusky with a dark blush as he found euphoria from within your body. One of your hands trailed up to the back of his neck, weaving within his hair. His eyes fluttered open to see you, signature grin returning as he felt your touch, his hips rocking a little harder to reward you.
“Tell me how it feels to have me inside of you.”
You closed your eyes then, focusing on how effortlessly his cock glided within you. Each thrust was hasty and rough, skin slapping against skin as his cock buried itself deep within your gut. He curved just perfectly inside you, cockhead delightfully brushing against the sensitive flesh of your walls with every plunge of his hips. His hands were splayed across your hips, one dangerously close to your clit, as if teasing you.
“Fuck,” you hissed, recognizing the buildup to orgasm pooling within your belly, “you feel so good.”
A bawdy sound left his throat at your words, like he’d died upon hearing them.
One of his hands slid higher upon your body, fingers lacing around your ribcage, framing the underside of your breast. He began to forcefully pull your body into his, sliding you upon and down the sheets and upon his cock. You cried out, leg tightening at his waist, pulling him closer, deeper, begging him to devour you and take what he wanted.
“That’s right, little bird, I’m going to make you cum on my cock.”
Your breasts were bouncing against his chest, your nails leaving indents upon his skin, his mouth back to sucking at your neck.
“And then I’m going to cum in you, make you mine.”
You were too lost to care, every nerve under your skin desperate for his touch. His thumb glided wickedly against your clit, fanning the hellish flames of your ecstasy even hotter and higher than before. A shriek of pleasure erupted from your chest, the hand upon his head bringing him closer to you, crashing your lips together as tears gleamed in your lashes. His cock was hammering into you so ruthlessly, your clit feeling abused from his too-quick thumb.
You were coming undone too quickly and too soon, your body feeling like threads being ripped apart at the seams. He grunted into your mouth, your tongue finally coming to play against his own, battling against him as you wrestled within yourself not to cum for him again so soon. But every stroke of his cock brought a fresh burst of pleasure blooming across your body, and you were so close, so fucking close to falling off the edge.
“Say my name,” he demanded against your lips, “say my name when you cum.”
There was no reason for you to comply, you weren’t his, he didn’t own you, but everything inside of you ached to appease him, and your mouth moved on its own accord.
“K-Keigo,” you stumbled, feeling yourself climbing the orgasmic ladder, every harsh thrust of cock leading you up another rung. His arm wrapped around your back, pressing you up against him in a hectic embrace. Your face settled against his shoulder, your fingers tightening in his hair, the others drawing blood upon his back. He only purred at the pain, so determined to bring you to release that he paid it no mind. His thumb rubbed tirelessly at your swollen clit, moving it in harmony with his cock.
Suddenly your moans stopped, the air being knocked from your lungs as pure ecstasy approached again.
And then the world felt too quiet, your mind hazing over as you cried out in melodic moans, your inner walls clenching and unclenching so deliciously tight against his thick cock as you came for him. You could feel the heavy weight of him inside of you, still plunging into your depths as he sought his own release. Your fingers relaxed against his skin, feeling like you were sinking and he was the only thing keeping you safe from the fall.
“Keigo,” it was a whisper, the barest hint of sound against his ear. But he felt, heard it, and it had him tumbling over the orgasmic edge with a roar of your name. Hot ropes of cum filled your body, his hard cock twitching against your walls.
“Fuck you’re mine, all mine.”
He murmured it against your hair, both arms now wrapping around your body. You laid there, motionless in his arms, heart pounding within your ear drums. Reality came crashing down far slower than your orgasm had, but still the consequences of your actions felt weightier against your body than the man above you.
He fell to his side next to you. But he wasn’t gone, far from it, as his hands were back on your body. One trailed across your cheek, the other dabbled between your legs, toying with his cum that leaked from within you.
He smirked, eyes catching yours, “and now you’re mine, my perfect little bird.”
You were too tired to fight back, lids heavy as he held you against his warmth, the fierce wings of an invasive species draped across your naked flesh.
#hawks#hawks x reader#hawks x you#keigo takami x reader#keigo tamaki#my hero academia#bnha#collab#hawks smut#yandere hawks#yandere#yandere keigo takami
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joy list 😇
i was tagged by @whatwouldmickeydo hella days ago, as well as @celestialmickey @gardenerian @squidyyy23 @xninetiestrendx & @catgrassplantdad today -- i love all of you so much it hurts 😭 -- to make a lil joy list & i could use it, so let's do it!
the righteous gemstones season finale, oh it was wild 🙏🏼
days that are full, but good & at the end you're sleepy, but satisfied, ahhhh
my planner! ohhhh my planner. it's just so pretty, so witchy & i only write in it with colored pens, which makes me feel like the best version of my 8-year-old self. if one must have ✨a schedule ✨, might as well make it fun!
the hope of spring! of persephone returning from the underworld with warmth & wine! 🌸☀️🌱
tfw you spend hours & hours & hours with beloveds & never tire or run out of things to talk about & generally just feel really yourself & happy & fucking blessed. it's a great feeling... especially a few years into this pandy 🥴🥺🥰
sitting in my house, my wife in the kitchen blasting 90s hip-hop while she cooks & my dog snugged up against me & just feeling really cool about the little life we're creating 💗
book clubs 📖💋
writing! creating! sharing! reading! cheerleading! collaborating! THIS! US! THEM!
going back to broadway baby!!! just AH! you sit in the seat & the lights go down & the music swells & it's just--😭😭😭
picking up new pillar candles at the corner bodega for spellwork hahaha 🕯
knowing that y'all exist out there in the world 🌎🖤
i could go on forever tbh. tagging new beloveds @squirrelfund @iansw0rld @come-with-me-to-mexico @deathclassic @mikhailogist & @ianrightsonly (who's not new, but is absolutely beloved) if you'd like to share your joy! if not, just take this as a cosmic squeeze! i'm grateful for your presence & creations! xx
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Characters: Bucky Barnes/Reader
Warnings: 18+ (mentions of sex), strong language, pet names, a little angst, talk of past hydra
Word Count: 1162
A/N: happy birthday meg! this is a collaboration with the perfect @loving-bucky-is-easier in celebration of @fragile-heartt's birthday. after you read these letters, go check out the drabbles that follow! please wish meg the happiest of birthdays, because she deserves it for all the love and light she projects into the world!
main masterlist | part two
Bucky,
It’s been cold here. Or maybe it’s just cold without you, because you’re like a goddamn space heater. My fingers are cold and you aren’t here to grab them and squeeze them and warm them up. And my feet are cold, too. I can’t just tuck them under you or tangle my legs with yours until you’re throwing a hissy fit about me not touching you under the blankets with the ice blocks I call feet. You think you’re funny, don’t you? Love to drive me up the wall. Always teasing me, but always wrapping me up in a blanket and carrying me off to bed when I get too tired and can’t stay up watching movies or reading a book while I sit next to you.
I think you got a crush on me, Bucky Barnes.
(Not to be dramatic but I’ve got a crush on you, too.)
Anyway, it’s been cold here, and I know you must think I’m crazy because it’s the middle of summer, but even summer is cold when you aren’t here. I bet wherever you are it’s hot though. Whenever you go on missions in the summer I just always think it must be hot, because you’re hot—like a furnace, you smug asshole—and you’re probably sweaty and miserable too. It’s just proof that it’s better when we’re together, y’know? You keep me warm, I’ll keep you cool. You should come home, Bucky. We can take a walk out in the sunshine to heat up and come home and take a shower to cool down. Or, hell, just take me to bed. My favorite place is always gonna be pressed against you, stealing the warmth right from your skin. Just come home. I think you should come home.
I’ll bring you home myself if I have to.
Wish you would call just so I can hear your voice again. I know you can’t. I know that’s why we write these letters. But I think I’m starting to forget what you sound like and that worries me because if there are only a few things in life that I would pray to a god to keep it would be the image of your face and the sound of your voice and fuck, if I forget about you, I’m scared it means I don’t love you enough. And I do, I really do. Love you, I mean. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t be waiting here for you. So I need you to come back, need you to come home, because I can’t forget what my name sounds like from between your teeth.
I’m sleepy now, so I’m gonna go to bed. But I’m gonna stick to my side so I can pretend there’s room for you to slip into the sheets. Gonna leave space so that in case you get home you can crawl into bed with me like you always do. You know what I want for my birthday?
All I really ever want is you.
Love you.
To My Best Girl,
Darlin’, I’m sorry you’re feelin’ so cold. I know what that’s like. So much of my life was cold before you got here. Y’know I don’t remember it well, but back in the 40s, shit was cold then too. We ain’t had these fancy space heaters back then. Too expensive. We’d seal up the windows ‘n the doors ‘n hope the radiators were warm enough to let us sleep. Stevie was always a flight risk, too. In the way that I never knew if his soul was gonna take off from his damn body. I spent a lotta cold nights wide awake, watchin’ him, makin’ sure he wasn’t gonna keel over.
Guess I’ve always had a thing about bein’ awake. You know I struggle at night, ‘specially without you. And it ain’t cold here at night, although I really shouldn’t be tellin’ you that, but I still wish I had your body here to warm me up doll. ‘Cause everything feels cold now—thinkin’ that’s ‘cause the Nazi’s kept me in their freezer for too long.
God, it’s selfish, but bein’ with you always takes the chill off those memories.
You remember the last time we walked around Central Park? It was the fuckin’ middle of goddamn winter in New York and you wore that coat, the one that looks real good on you—I mean, fuck, everything looks good on you, sweetheart—but you refused to wear gloves. Said you didn’t like the feel of the ones you got, and I told you I’d buy you a new pair right then and there, but you just shook your head ‘n shivered ‘n tried to hold my hand like a real trooper. God, I love you even though you’re ‘bout as stubborn as me. Maybe that’s why we go so well together, darlin’.
But here’s the thing—I took your hands and you didn’t even flinch when my vibranium wrist brushed yours. I don’t know if that’s ‘cause you were already freezin’, or if it’s just ‘cause you’re used to it, but it nearly brought me to my knees, baby. So I took my gloves off, in the middle of the street, and I made you put them on, ‘n the whole time you were just gigglin’ and gigglin’ and it’s my favorite sound in the world, y’know. The prettiest sound I’ve ever heard. So pretty that I didn’t think much ‘bout how everyone could see my left hand, I just wanted you to be warm again. Wanted to keep hearing those laughs of yours.
You took my hands both and stuffed ‘em in the pocket of your coat, and we walked around the park and back home just like that. It’s my favorite memory of you, ‘cause I didn’t feel the chill at all that day. Those little giggles of yours kept me warm the whole night, doll.
And fuck—I want ‘em. I wanna hear ‘em again. It’s been so long and I’m so impatient when you’re not mine. When I’m gone ‘n you aren’t in my arms. When I don’t get to wake up ‘n hear you laughin’. I wanna come home, sit at the kitchen table while you pour me coffee and I wanna look at you, look at the way you move. I just wanna catch up on all our lost time.
But shit sweetheart, more than anything, I wanna come home and watch you blow out the candles and make a birthday wish. Don’t think I forgot. I got that date marked down in my heart, y’know. I’m gonna try ‘n get home, baby, I swear it. I’m gonna try my damndest. You don’t gotta bring me home, doll. Not when I’m on my way.
It’s late here too, so I’ll sleep now. ‘Cause when I sleep, I’m dreaming of you, of kissin’ your frame. And it’s the closest I can get to you right now, so I’ll sleep.
I love you.
Bucky
#happy birthday meg!#bucky barnes#bucky barnes love letter#bucky barnes x reader#bucky barnes x you#love letter
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