obsessed with harvey at the y2 luau. absolutely busting ass with this quirked up jpeg shuffle. hes such a shut-in i bet this was like a magical girl transformation for him. the townsfolk see him walk onto the dance floor and are like ohhhh shit peepaws about to bust it down narsty style. fuck it UP white boy. the last ditch effort of a swagless migratory bird throwing back his ENTIRE pussy to attract a mate. im so obsessed with him you dont understa

men

"okay kid, i have a doctors appointment, you can handle this big fuckoff bus, i believe in you, keys are in the ignition, this thing DOES NOT HAVE INSURANCE so DON'T GET PULLED OVER, have fun"

"Stardew is so relaxing" can not be me. I'm sweating. I've maximized the perfect time to upgrade my tools while going to catch seasonal fish. I got a pig to give me truffle with a 1 day margin of error (I had to upgrade the barn twice and buy a pig in 12 days). I've currently got 4 rabbits trapped and will execute them individually if they do not give me a foot by the end of winter. I'm stalking the beaches like batman awaiting a nautilus. I will complete this community center by the end of the year so help me stardew gods. I've talked to the towns folks maybe three times since moving in. Penny and Elliot are my only friends because I had their favorite gifts in my inventory and realized it was their birthday while checking the board. I accept no time lost. Winter is here. I shall not rest.

hey what the fuck

found this on my monthly tiktok scroll. i think we should add murder too.

(ESL) UK, Cambridgeshire - Chips - Crisps - Scones - Biscuits - Fizzy drinks - Sweets - Cigarettes - Beanie - Candyfloss

i'm conducting an experiment. everyone who's from an english speaking country state your country, regional area and what you call the following images. i need to see something

I like to go with the headcanon that if Astarion is well fed mortal body functions work normally.

And then one of his favourite things probably is that he can actually provide warmth - that he's actually warm to the touch. He can wrap you into his arms when you're cold or when your shaking from tears spilling down your face and you don't reactively flinch away from his cold touch.

Instead you melt into his soft warmth. Just like Astarion does into yours.

😭 i love him so much!! I imagine he sleeps on it like a cat, curled up tight on his scrunched up knitted blanket!! Maybe he abscentmindedly makes biscuits when he's hit with unexpected flashbacks or nightmares (and eventually daydreams)

I also imagine Karlach picks a birth date out for him and he receives new blankets and pillows etc for the next thousand years (but he prefers the one you knitted for him, even if it's the ugliest thing he's ever seen --because it was his first ever ugly ass blanket) and he pretends to be annoyed but we all know our boy sits on his throne of comfy things like it's his birthright, bestowed upon him by the Gods themselves

I can't stop thinking of knitting Astarion a blanket.

Maybe it's because I'm elbow deep into crocheting baby clothes but who knows

Like, imagine knitting or crocheting Astarion a blanket. Because everyone else managed to bring something along for the journey when the mindflayers kidnapped you, you had a backpack and some coin, same for Laz'el, and Shadowheart and Gale and probably everyone else, but not Astareon.

He has nothing, not a coin to his name. Just a dagger, a bow, and a few arrows. He steals what he needs to make his tent but he's all too aware that none of it is really his.

And then he sees you working on your project by the fire, sipping on a mug of steaming tea or coffee. He sees you wandering around villages and random groups of people, bartering your way to some yarn.

Of course he's curious. But he'd never ask, because, obviously, it would never be any of his business. It could never be for him. And then, after working on it at any moment you could, you come to him one night with the blanket neatly folded in your hands.

"I don't know if you get cold," you say, "But I thought you might want a blanket if you do."

You're so awkward, you know Astarion likes the finer things in life. He likes luxury, and this is hardly luxury. It's a dark blue, but only because you died it. The yarn you bartered never came in the same colour and sometimes it wasn't even the same thickness. You tried to match it as best you could, but it wasn't perfect.

Astarion notices it and for the first time in his very long, miserable life. He doesn't give a shit. Because it's his. Completely, 100%, his own thing. Cazador has never touched this, he has never seen this, he will never lay a finger on his blanket. And the fact that it's his is only overshadowed by the fact that you made it for him. Not because he likes you, he's not even realised that yet, or not properly anyway, but because you looked at him, fangs, sarcasm, blood thirst and all, and decided you were going to take a tenday and make a blanket to gift to him. You decided he was worthy of yarn, time and effort. All so he could be a little warmer at night.

That blanket might not be worth much, if anything, but when you're as used as Asterion is to being worth less than shite, it's like happening upon a vault of precious diamonds.

He doesn't say thank you, he just grabs it from you and tries to act nonchalant. Because if he opens his mouth, he might actually just start crying.

Astarion who likes you immediately but keeps being mean to you, because if he's mean, you won't like him back. And if you don't like him back, then you won't follow him and if you don't follow him, you don't die

Astarion who is so touch starved he shudders when you pat him on the arm after battle

Astarion who takes any armour you give him as a sign that you value him, that you like him, that you want him alive

Astarion who learns how to make everyone's breakfasts after a while because it's the first time he has friends and he wants them to keep liking him

Astarion who guards you with your life that first night, when it's just you two, before you meet anyone else. He's trying to tell himself it's because you're his ticket to salvation but really, it's because you're the first person of sort-of authority that trusts him without question.

Astarion who's afraid to ask to drink your blood because he thinks you don't actually want it to happen, only to be surprised every morning when you tell him he can.

Astarion who learns to love all over again, both romantically and not

dni unless you have a thorough knowledge of music, singing, drawing, dancing, all the modern languages, all while possessing a certain something in your air and manner of walking, the tone of your voice, your address and expressions-

the whole point of fanfic is to read about a guy who is literally just existing and then everything goes wrong and then everything goes wrong and then everything goes wrong and then everything goes wrong and then he fucks nasty style and then everything goes wrong and then everything gets all cute for a moment and then everything goes wrong and then everything goes wrong and th- Chapters: 35/? Updated: 2022-09-05

companion of the week.

Astarion has negative gold stars

yeah sex is cool I guess

but have you ever had someone leave a comment with a paragraph-long review of your fanfic containing genuine praise, thorough criticism, and an in-depth analysis of all the lore hints you dropped that you spent ages intricately crafting

The elliptical is the worst and whoever decides stairs are a good idea in the gym needs to be thrown in a vat of sharks, I swear

In other news, i joined the local gym today. I have found that A. I'm hilariously out of shape, B. The elliptical was made by the devil and C. Gideon's gymcrush joel is a lifesaver and he's not even here yet

cc: @sp00kymulderr

obsessed with the fact that tom riddle's three career plans were shop assistant, teacher, or murderous fascist dictator.