Doctor Strange and America Chavez were both good parts, but god everything about Wanda and the Illuminati sucked. Strip away the fanservice and you have a pretty weak villain story that didn’t introduce any new elements and stayed pretty straightforward and stagnant. Imagine if Killmonger never showed up in Black Panther had instead Andy Serkis been the main villain who just wanted to steal unobtainium and get rich. That would suck. Killmonger reclaiming what he considered his by divine right of kings, SUCCEEDING, and having a relatively good reason for justifying his actions because he planned to eliminate the slavery and oppression of black people. Killmonger was an excellent villain. Imagine if Ava was the main villain of Ant Man and Wasp, and Walton Goggins was the main AND ONLY villain. Imagine if Quentin Beck began the movie as a villain. These would all be awful because it’s all been done a billion times before. But all of the unique twists made those movies, well, stand out. But here in Multiverse of Madness, the closest that ever came was to the other Mordo. Which was really weak and lame and kind of a slap in the face to Chiwetel since they only used him as a stepping stone to get Picard and Jim the major speaking roles (and gave everyone except Hayley Atwell more screen time, dialogue, and showcase of ability than him. This movie existed for fanservice, and was a waste of the talents of Sam Raimi and Danny Elfman (whose direction and music were both absolutely phenomenal and way better than the CGI fest that was the first one). Obviously the clear choice was to have the Ancient One of earth 838 be the one who had been corrupting and manipulating Wanda, and have Tilda Swinton be the bad guy (WHICH IS ALWAYS AT HER BEST WORK) instead, and then allow Wanda to have an actual character arc where she works through her pain… instead of literally creating a eugenics case. Oh did the poor little baby get bombed, have the Nazis experiment on you and manipulate you into being responsible for creating the monster, watch your brother die before your eyes because Not Jason Bourne can’t hear our his left ear, have the entire United States Government AND the world’s biggest egomaniac forcibly imprison her because a PMC manipulated her into blowing up a fuckton of civilians in whatever fuckin country it was I literally don’t remember because it wasn’t important to the story at all, fight for what you love but fail and get thrown in prison, get broken out and forced into hiding while under the surveillance of Big Brother Steve, be forced to kill your own husband, then watch him die again, then die for five years, then come back to life in an totally different world than you were used to and be forced to watch everybody you know get to have their loved ones back except for her, then get ostracized by the entire world? YOURE SUCH A FUCKING SELFISH LOSER LOL WHY DONT YOU JUST KILL YOURSELF??? that’s the message we’re sending. either just get over your trauma and stop whining about it, or turn evil and hurt everyone else in your life around you and sewerslide yourself. How about being like, oh hey look at Wanda who is somebody who I, the evil Tilda Swinton, can manipulate into servicing me so I can kidnap Edmund I mean America and take the powers they possess for my own and become even more powerful and become a legend and LEGENDS NEVER DIE because I am the foil to the ancient one in the first one in order to show narrative parallels because a Literal Actual God Planet Stronger Than Ego And Cthulu Combined??? versus a normal human who possesses the same levels of evil are both somehow comparable? And we’re supposed to care about the stakes of that knowing full well that Infinity War is the only genuine downer ending (No Way Home stole its valor and dropped it on the floor on the way out) and there’s no way in hell Disney is gonna pass up milking the cash cow of the current status quo? Please. At least with the Ancient One one it would be totally possible to just seal her in that universe and win and then everything is preserved.

That would have been much better.

I forgot how hard it is to find a therapist 🙃

so uh last night at like 4 am i couldnt sleep, decided to walk my dog, and came up with this bad boy. It’s a rough draft, though. um @professional-benaddict read it and told me to post it, so whatever rafni says goes. 

-Little! Peter with like everyone lmao (platonically), but main pairing is Tony x Peter. everyone is 18+ and Littles are known. but yeah, I call this “uncanonically Canon AU” because it follows canon character tropes (except Peter).

----------------

so i LOVE the doctor trope w stephen and tony to death, like probably a lil too much, but hear me out

--canon tony and the avengers with not canon (aka powerless) little peter

--im thinking how they met is before peter became classified as a little, he was smart smart. so, he still gets the internship, but a real one this time.

--hes hanging out with the other interns when he feels himself regress. he freaks and goes to hide in a bathroom or something

--he runs into (probably pepper??) someone and they help him get out of the tower because he's obviously very vulnerable

--they (pepper?) take him to the hospital to get tested and find out hes a high care little. once they find out peter freaks out because omg he cant work like this

--(pepper?) assures him that they will figure it our, but with no CG, and just for plot sake, he also is living alone at this point so they dont feel comfortable sending him home, so he stays overnight, at least, in the hospital

--(pepper?) goes to talk to tony himself about this since hes the one who chose and hired the interns. tony isnt quite sure what to do because peter is one of the best in their group

--(pepper?) suggests that he go have a one on one talk with peter and see what the boy wants to do with his future, and also meet with the doctors to see what they think is best for his future

--now, tony has met peter a few times, and the kid is pretty cool, but he never really cared about him (harsh, but canon tony is pretty reserved so yuh) so, when he goes into the hospital room to talk with him, hes mentally preparing to never see peter again

--but, when he walks in, he sees peter sat on a cot carefully coloring in an avengers coloring book, and his entire aura is different and /adorable/

--as if he wasnt already kinda done for, when peter notices he's there, he looks up, eyes blown wide and a kid-like face on full of awe

--he sits on the end of the bed and they simply stare at each other before peter finally gets the courage to ask why tony is there, stuttering through it like an adorable mess

--tony freaks out, because as good as peter is, he planned on letting peter down, but now that hes here, all he wants is to see the boy.

--instead he smooths his nervousness and easily asks about how the boy is doing. he asks if peter has a CG, and predicably, peter just sadly shakes his head

--anyways i dont really know how this part would be worded, and it probably wouldnt happen in just one day, but eventually tony asks peter if he wants tony to take care of him

--peter is a cutie and accepts, again dont really have this part planned out, im akward when it comes to writing about the adopting of a little

--he goes with tony and since he lives in the tower, he also gets the avengers as glorified CGs. now this is the part i LOVE

***added part by Rafni:

"I’d imagine that Peter would just be kept in the hospital, like he doesn’t need any meds nor saline so he doesn’t even have a drip nor is he hooked up to any monitors. He is just there in the hospital pyjamas colouring and waiting for someone to take care of him🥺👀"

And since there’s no medical concerns (anymore) the nurses would have more time to just chat with Peter and make sure he is like mentally taken care of 🌸🌸

---

tony stark- he's obviously the main man and does all the main caring. hes the one who sleeps with peter and makes sure he gets food, and plans the days. he also sometimes will hand make little gadgets (safe ofc) to occupy peter. he gets peter little engineering/inventing kits and will hold back any groans he has as peter hits his leg with a plastic hammer and screwdriver. he also is the one who is ALWAYS there, when he cries, when he's happy, when he's sad.

thor- he lets peter play with his hair, and even lets the boy snuggle, and sometimes even chew on, mjolnir (because of course peter would be worthy)

steve rogers- he lets peter look at and hold the shield. one day he finds the boy curled like a cat dosing on the inside of it

natasha- she speaks in russian to him, and when he goes outside to the park, shes there making sure no one disturbs him

wanda+sam (i had an idea for them when i originally thought of this, but i cant remember it now :/)

bucky- he lets peter also mess with his hair, although more rare than thor, but he does let peter suck on his metal fingers when hes really small, and will scratch peters scalp with it, the metal scratching much better than normal skin. also if he ever gets a fever, the cold of the arm feels amazing on his forehead

bruce- not strictly canon since hes more sciency than doctor, but i imagine bruce is the one who does checkups and takes care of the meds when peter is sick

stephen- he doesnt do it often, plus he's not at the tower much, but hell do little harmless "magic" tricks to excite Peter and when peter gets grumpy, stephen will give him a little stress spell thing to calm peter down

peter quill- i imagine hes the one who is down to do lots of fun stuff, but is also the most reckless towards the actions suited towards littles, getting a lot of scolding from tony. also, he has great taste in music, so when peter has bursts of energy, he'll bounce around the room dancing to old 80s music

rocket- hes the closest peters ever gonna get to a pet, and with lots of bribing from tony, rocket /occasionally/ lets peter pet him and feed him "treats", sometimes peter will ask rocket to do a trick like jump or spin, but rocket with always decline...at first. peters trademark pouts do the trick because either rocket will concede and hurt his pride, or tony will see and threaten rocket into making his little boy happy. its always worth it to see the happy little squirms and claps

gamora- she's the resident story teller. when its bedtime, she'll share her cool space stories, leaving out the gory/scarier aspects. it always does the trick as hes out in minutes. sometimes hell catch her and peter q engaging in loving activities (ie kissing, hugging, whatever), and he'll just giggle away, and as embarrassed as gamora gets, not being an openly affectionate person, she might just go to the extreme to hear the cute giggles out of the little boy

clint- hes pretty chill with peter. he also likes to play games with the boy, playing things like peek-a-boo when he's super small, or playing darts when he feels older. tony isnt /too/ happy about it, but its better than quill so he doesnt say anything.

pepper is there too because i love the idea of tony working away somewhere and pepper calling peter in, handing him a few sheets of paper, sometimes actual documents, sometimes just scratch paper to entertaim the boy, before asking peter to deliver them to tony. she always has a smile when peter eagerly nods with his whole body before running to the office to give tony the papers. it almost always ends with peter in his lap, but it /always/ ends in tony praising him, saying something along the lines of 'theres my little helper boy. look at you'

---

--on any particular day peter wakes up aged up, he doesn't even miss his old internship because this life is so much better, although on these days tony actually lets him help with some safer stuff in the lab with him

--also, they are still the avengers and still have to save the universe. tony leaves him in the care of Happy or Pepper, trusting them both to handle him. sometimes, it ends in disaster. sometimes, they are lucky enough to find happy laying on the couch, with a drooling little boy soaking his suit

--no matter how things end up, it never gets old being able to come home and cuddle up with the reason tony wants to save the universe.

--its no surprise peter is able to help the man just as much as tony helps him. tony stops locking himself up so late at night so he can put peter to bed and cuddle up. he stops drinking when he's stressed, instead finding his boy and reading a story to him. his hookups end, he wants to be there for peter all the time. he gets more work done, the added bonus of having a pretty little boy in his lap helping keep his mind on track.

--tony still has his canon issues, but having peter there makes everything a little more manageable. and when he eventually gets too old to be ironman, its okay, because his universe is lying in bed, a red pacifier in his mouth, and a family of superheroes softly arguing about who the boy loves most

--and despite tony being a narcissist, he knows this is not that, when he thinks that without a doubt he is peters favorite. after all, peter helped him see the good inside the bad

---

so uh yeah thats all i had to say. maybe in the future it will become an actual thing, idk. i still have so many projects im working on first. feel free to add whatever you want to it though !!

Bang Chan Oneshot- So Far

Warning: Angst, She/Her pronouns, death, mentions of suicide and self harm.

There are a lot of twists and honestly, I cried at the end because I didn't expect my fingers to type what they did.

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A/N- This is my first post and first fic (after a few long time). If you have any suggestions or improvements, I am all ears :) Also, I hope to write more gender neutrally in the future when I am able to do so properly.

____________________________________________

Sometimes life pushes the people you need to the deeper ends of the ocean. The more you swim, the harder it gets.. but the more you crave them.

In a world where riches ruled over morals, the Bang family were at the top. They were known for their lavish lifestyle. Just being in their presence could make warriors fall to their knees.

Mr. Bang inherited a successful trade company for weapons and warfare goods being sold all over the world. They were expensive and gold branded, just a touch of a bullet could slice a whole finger. Only the top, wealthiest people could afford to take even a few of the weapons. But they were never disappointed with the results. The weapons could turn pacifists into soldiers.

Whispers on the street claim that the family would use poor people to test the weapons, offering their families money in exchange for a life.

This wasn't helpful for the youngsters of the family. Their family's reputation proceded them.

The Bang family's eldest son, Chan, craved to be accepted.. to be befriended and not just used or feared for his name.

His mother was a poor woman, who had captured the heart of his father at a very young age. Sadly for the couple, his father was to be married to a rich businesswoman to maintain their familys reputation. She was stern and refused to look Chan in the eyes.

Chan never got to meet his mother. He was left with his father while his mother escaped before his fathers family could kill her.

Chan was always taught to never mention his mother and to pretend that Cilla was his biological mother. He was taught never to be curious, so he hid away his emotions at a young age so they would never get the best of him.

It was 9 in the morning and like every other day, Chan had to go to school. Rich kids need to be educated too, apparently.

He felt like the days were repeating themselves. Instead of his usual route, he decided to dress down, wearing a cap and a mask to stop anyone from recognising him. Of course, this meant that he would have to sneak early so no one would notice how he wasn't dressed in his uniform.

"One day off school wouldn't hurt. It's not like I will be missed." He thought to himself.

Today was the day Chan had been planning for weeks. He knew exactly what he was going to do. Exactly where he was going to go.

He could take a private plane to Rome or Hawaii ... but no. He just wanted one day where he could just breathe and live like a normal kid.

He took the first bus downtown. He wasn't sure how buses work so he just walked right in and the driver didn't say anything. He remembers hearing the kids at the back of the class- the ones that were too afraid to even look at him- mention an arcade. He had never been to one before. His father was too dejected and found it too painful to look at him without thinking of his mother and Cilla refused to accept him as her son.. so natually he had no one to go with. He had trouble making friends too, so that didn't help.

"Another shift?" He heard the bus driver ask the girl at the front. He seemed genuinely concerned and this caught Chans attention.

"Yeah. It's fine. I can do it." Smiled the girl at the front.

She looked quite scruffy and her eyes looked tired, but her brught smile seemed to fool everyone. She played it off pretty well. Once she stressed her lips across her face, the brightness would outshins the dread.

He watched as she sat in an empty spot towards the front of the bus. Her head rested against the side of the bus and she seemed as though she was fall into deep sleep within any second.

Something about her fasinated him.

When the bus had come to the 4th stop, the bus driver called out, "(Y/n) wake up, kiddo. You're going to miss your shift."

Her droopy eyes fluttered open and it took a few seconds for her to quickly pick up her bag and run towards the exit. Before she left, she started walking back as if she had forgotten something, "Thanks for waking me up, Steve. Have a great day!" She said with a smile and then ran back out.

Chans feet moved faster than his mind and before he knew it, he was off the bus and following her.

She walked into a restaurant.

"Bro, you need to hurry. He looks pissed. I don't know if he will let you off this time." The boy at the front warned (y/n).

"I know.. I'm sorry if he let it out on you." She apologised before rushing towards the back.

Chan had gone too far to stop now. Maybe (y/n) could be todays mystery. And all he had his mind on right now, was solving that mystery.

He approached the front desk and gestured "table for one". After the male had ignored him, he just walked right into the restaurant and sat at a fancy table, where he sat eagerly looking for (y/n).

It wasn't long before a tired-looking (y/n) walked out, in uniform, with a pen and pad and a fake smile to fix it all up.

She took the order from the group of girls two tables away from him and walked back to the kitchen. Not long after, she walks out juggling two plates. She seems steady until another waiter unexpectedly walks infront of her, catching her off guard and making her drop the dishes.

The whole restaurant went quiet after a loud SMASH and everyones eyes were on her. The kitchen staff ran out and you could feel her anxiety from across the room.

She didn't know where to look so she kept her eyes on the shattered pieces of glass on the floor. She was looking directly at the floor but her face seemed to became more and more disengaged with the situation.

The manager smiled at the customers reassuring them that everything was fine as he dragged her away from the scene.

Chan got up and walked towards the kitchen, pretending he was on his way to the toilets. He could hear shouting and crying.

A tired, tear stained (y/n) walked out soon after looking defeated. She walked to the toilets and was there for a while.. until she came out, still looking down, headed to the door. Chan followed her to the bus stop and sat next to her guarding her from the other men at the stop who were oogling her in her skirt and ripped tights.

Chan noticed little drops of blood on the floor and his eyes followed the trail to (y/n)'s legs, where there was a huge gash and as he kept searching, he noticed her sleeves were completely soaked in blood. He was surprised that he didn't notice before. It seemed as though (y/n) had passed out and before he could call the ambulance, the man next to him had already called.

When the ambulance arrived, Chan rushed into the ambulance with (y/n), eyebrows furrowed as he eagerly hoped to see her (y/e/c) eyes once more.

The paramedics were putting pressure on her wound and he heard them mention her blood pressure dropping.

When she was taken to the hospital, she was taken to the Intensive Care Unit and the paramedics explained the situation to the doctors.

He was too caught up in what was happening to ask the doctors if she would be better. He sat outside the room where they were operating on her and felt bad for her. He kept thinking about her pained smile and her tired eyes.

They seemed so familiar. So important. But he couldn't pinpoint why.

Her sleeping body was taken to a room, where he sat by her side. She was attached to a machine but he didn't pay attention to it. He kept wondering where he knew her from.

He was watching her and taking him her features when her eyes started to flutter open.

"Thank God, you're ok!" Chaan gushed. He then realised how weird this would have looked. He was a steanger to her and she was most likely about to freak out.

"Chan?" She questioned. "Huh? How do you know my name?" His head spinning with questions.

"You... you came back. I-where have you been? I waited. I waited for so long. And you lied. You said everything would be better. It is not better. She is still sick and they still constantly fight. Oh my gosh- my work. No. I- i cant lose it. I have to go back and beg. I can't lose it. How would I afford anything? I can't go back home and tell them that I lost the job. The other 2 jobs aren't enough. I- omg what do I do?!"

"(Y/n). Breathe. Its ok. Start from the beginning. I need you to tell me... how do you know me?" Chan had to clear his questions. Was she delusional? No. That cant be it. How did she know his name?

"Chan. Are you serious, right now? I haven't seen you in 10 years... your face still engrained in my head and you dont know who we are to each other?" (Y/n) looked betrayed. Her eyes started to water and he felt guilty for pressurising her.

He closed his eyes and inhaled. He slowly exhaled and for once he felt like the world was catching up with him.

He remembered a small park and two kids. A cute little girl and tiny Chan. The little girl was crying and Chan held onto her tight. He reassured her that everything would be fine. Surely it was normal for 8 year olds to be worrying about finances. He was approached by a pale lady with sad eyes. She looked just like him. Or maybe he looked like her.

"Mum? Where were you?" He gasped. Tiny Chan let go of the little girl and held onto the older women. "I'm sorry I had to leave but I am here now. I won't leave you again." She held him tight, the way he was holding the little girl.

The lady held his hand and led him away. "Chan!" The girl cried behind him. "I will be back. I promise! This is my mum. I need to go now. Everything will be fine."

And then it turns black.

"What happened next???? Where did we go??" Chan jumped up, frantically. This scared (y/n) a little.

Nothing made sense.

"You.. I thought.. they said that you died. Your father mourned your death and your mothers. I didn't believe them. You said you would be back. And here you are. They must have set up a fake grave for you and your mum. Maybe the bodies by the truck were a lie. It can't be true.. how else could you be here?" And then (y/n) went silent.

No.

He was dead? That can't be true.

So he wasn't being ignored? He wasn't feared? All those years he spent hating himself for not being noticed.. no one saw him. He was dead?

Reality hit him too fast to process. He didn't understand. Why him..? Why was he still there, then?

"Why can I see you..? Am I..?" (Y/n) whispered. She turned to the machine next to her and looked down at her sleeping body. The numbers were dropping and she felt like there was a countdown for her life.

Reality wasn't kind to her, either.

"This time, come with me. I am not leaving you behind." Chan held out his hand to (y/n). She stepped back.

"What? No. They need me. I can't just go. They will all suffer because of me. I should have neved even thought about doing what I did. I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WAS THINKING! I JUST WANTED IT TO STOP. But not like this..." she whispered the last part.

"Life goes on. What's done is done. We can't change it. It will all work out and everyone will move forward. Trust me. I've seen it." He comforted her.

He reached out once more.

"I'm sorry I had to leave but I am here now. I won't leave you again."

She took his hand.

- BEEEEP-

Love Isn’t Always On Time Part Twenty Eight

Previous Part | Next Part | Masterlist Notes: Not beta-read I just wanna throw a thank you out there for all of the likes, the reblogs and the tags. You guys keep me going aaaand yeah. Thank you! Warnings: Uuuuuh none Summary: 

  “We have...No leads, no direction. But we do have one brainwashed, paranoid super-assassin on the run.” 

“We have...No leads, no direction. But we do have one brainwashed, paranoid super-assassin on the run.” “And me,” Piped up an indignant voice from behind us. “And Sam,” I turned my head, smiling at him, “We have Sam.” “Where do we start?” Sam asked, standing from his table and rounding to the table. We were waiting for Natasha to arrive, still. After her veritable mic drop in front of Congress, she’d been particularly careful about being out in public. Even I had started being extra careful; the files that she’d uploaded to the internet included my trip to the past, my testimony and file.

Steve set a mug of coffee down beside my laptop before sitting down. I watched him settle  out of the corner of my eye. He’d only been out of the hospital for three days (but then, despite the internal bleeding and broken bones, he’d only taken two to heal. Fricking super-soldier healing). “Natasha did give us that file on Bucky. She also released hundreds of S.H.I.E.L.D. and HYDRA files. There’s got to be more about it in there,” I said, looking up at Sam, “I recommend we start deep-diving with Project Insight, and the agents surrounding it. See if there are any still alive, interview them, see what we can get.” “You’ll need to get your passports in order.” I jumped at the sound of Natasha’s voice, and she laughed. “I hate it when you sneak up on me,” I mumbled. “Maybe now would be the time to re-sharpen those skills that got you through the 40′s,” She commented, pulling up a chair. Sam’s eyes darted to me, questioning, and I waved him off with a mutter of, “Long story.” “I got through to him,” Steve said, “Bucky knew me, I saw it when I told him that I was with him ‘til the end of the line.” “He’s got my locket now, so he’ll get to know your face...You know, when it’s not beaten to a pulp. And maybe he’ll come to recognize himself as he used to be,” I said. "I can help with the file deep-dive,” Sam offered. “I’ll reach out to some people in the old neighborhood, ask them to keep an eye out for Bucky,” Steve said, standing and pulling his phone out. “I can reach out to my network, see what we can preemptively chase down,” Natasha offered, “And I already spoke to Stark, he’s offered to provide us a jet.” “Love that you guys have friends with jets just lying around,” Sam mumbled, lifting his coffee up to his lips. “We need to be ready to chase any lead. That means packing up everything, getting rid of anything you don’t absolutely need. We need to be ready to go at a moment’s notice,” Steve said, looking between the three of us, “We’ll aim to have that done by the end of the week?”

Once we all agreed, he left to make his call. “I need to catch up with Fury before he leaves,”  Natasha stood, “Wilson, if you come with me, you can collect your wings from the mechanics.” “I’ll grab my jacket,” Sam followed Nat, patting my arm as he passed. I got up, grabbing my mug from the table. Steve was still on his call, and I leaned against the porch railing, waiting. “Dot said she’ll keep an eye out. She said she’s got a telescope that uses to spy on the neighbors,” Steve reported. I snorted, shaking my head a little bit. “She’s such a perv.” “...How’d Buck look when you saw him?” Steve asked. I shrugged. “Nervous. Deer-in-the-headlights-like. I felt him waiting for Hill and them to come and get us.” I straightened up, wincing a little. “How’re your ribs?” Steve asked, stepping closer. I shrugged. “Range of motion is improving. Doctor said I should be better in a couple of weeks.” Steve hummed, sitting on the porch swing. He reached out, gingerly tugging me a little closer before he leaned up, pressing a tender kiss to my clothed side. “Stevie,” I mumbled, lightly pushing at his head. He lifted his head, smiling and murmuring, “Babydoll.” I cupped his cheek, rubbing my thumb over his cheekbone. “I need to go back to New York and get my things together.” “I know. When are you going?” “Tomorrow morning. And I do need you to promise not to get in trouble and mean it this time.” “I mean it every time, things just...Don’t always go as planned,” Steve said. I ‘hmph’d, sliding my hand up to his hair. “Is there anything you want me to grab you from Brooklyn?” I asked. Steve shook his head. “I’m sure Stark’ll load you down with enough ‘helpful tech’.” “Come on, don’t take that tone. You know he is doing it to try and help us, and he doesn’t need to.” Steve hummed in agreement. “...He may not wanna be found,” I said quietly, “They’ve been abusing him for god knows how long. He may fear us, think we’re  after him to do the same.” “So we find him, talk him down,” Steve said firmly, “Remind him who he is, who we are to him. Bring him home.” Tag List: @gloryevans @redryderdesigns @winter-scolder @aactuaaltraash @secretagentben @staplerrrr @elliee1497 @adayinmymeadow  @allonszassbutt @mannls @witch-of-letters  @niallssweetheart22 @uneniffler  @rinthehufflepuff @panic-angel3314  @firstangeldragonranch @kaetastic @mcuwillbethedeathofme @skeletoresinthebasement @i-dont-know-what-im-doing-yay @kkaos15 @iamnotoverlyfondofwhatfollows  @bassclarinety @tomshelbystits @rvgrsbrns @marvelmenarebeautiful @tenaciousperfectionunknown @intricate-melody​

LAWYERS LIES part 4

you hadn't return to your office in 2 days  , your excuse  was that you were “sick “ , not like thats a lie , you have been sick , morning sickness but nothing you haven't dealt with for the last week or so . 

you was currently sitting on your coach watching an episode of Doctor Who which was just what you need , who said a madman running around the universe wasnt fun to watch no matter how old or young you are . Your inner geek was happy . With your tub of vanilla l ice cream in your hand , nearly gone but that didnt stop you adding more caramel syrup , . You had a throw over your legs as you back was again the arm of the couch , starring at the screen 

that was what you were doing starring to stuck in your own head , not paying attention and mindless scoppong up ice cream and eating it . Your mind was full of question and kept playing scene in your head over and over again 

“did he mean it ? “ does he really love me ? it was just another lie  . But why was he crying ? he looked broken   .Maybe its because he is scared you could end his marriage ? or that your leave the firm after all you are one of the top lawyers , but thats not enough to make him cry , right ?

The image of his tears and broken look , when you didn’t tell him you love him back , played over and over again in your head . It brought you to tears because , you wanted to say it , scream it back , you still do now , because you love him as much as you shouldnt you do , you love him .

But every time  you heard him say he loves you all you could see was him with his assistant Peggy . 

You know you shouldn't feel like this , like you have been cheated on when you were doing the cheating on Sharon but still .

“what type of man cheats on his wife with two other women tells one he loves and gets her pregnant “

oh yeah thats another thing your 3 month plan is out the window . You dont want to go back to work but you have to for now , in order to make sure you and your baby have a secure  future , you need to keep working at Rogers firm until you can find a different job

“maybe shield firm ? after all Nat works there “

it bring you comfort in knowing you dont have to face the future alone , as you rub your flat belly with a small on your face as you think about your little one , but then falls as more question pop up 

“ will he / she hate you for them not having a dad ? what if Steve found out ? would he tell you get ride off it ? what about if there born before he finds out , will he take them of you ? He wouldnt do that would he ?  he probable wouldn't care about them “ 

You took a deep breath , in an attempt to clear your mind .

        *************************************************************************

 A knock on your front door startled you as you your earring in getting ready for work , once it was placed safely in your ear , you made your way to the door 

“who could it be “ you thought 

once you reached the door and went to open it , you paused 

“what about its Steve ?”   “ oh what does it matter you are probably going to see him in work any way . 

you braced your self and open the door , to be meet with a blue eyed brunet , in a sharp suite

“oh so your alive then “ he said 

“What did you think i died ?” you chuckled 

“Nat said you were ill , and you might be going to work today , so i made my way here to see if you need anything from work in case you wanted to work form home .” James paused “but it looks like you are going to the office “

“ yep i am  “ you said nervously 

“would you like a lift ?”he asked 

“Nat put you up to this didnt she ?”

“what i cant look after a friend and co worker ?” he dramatically said 

“oh okay , i suppose a lift would be nice “ you rolled your eye as a joke 

“good !”

“youll have to give me a moment i need to finish getting ready “ Bucky just nodded his head “ come in “ 

he followed you in 

“just ... um “ you paused as you began to feel uneasy 

“um . just .. sit “ 

you couldn't finish the sentence you ran to the sink in your kitchen as your baby made its daily morning appearance 

“y/n !” was all you heard as Bucky made his way over to you rubbing your back 

after calming down and wiping your mouth , there was silents 

“are you sure , you can go back it work ,?” he asked 

“im sure “  

“but what about if  you pass the bug around ?”

“its not a bug “ you quickly said , before you could even think about what you were saying 

James was silent almost too silent , he took a step back with wide eyes 

“what do you mean are you .... “ 

oh he was going to find out soon enough , fuck it 

“ yes , im pregnant” you said 

Bucky face only showed joy and excitement , he even did this little jump thing 

“ really “ he asked with a wide smile 

“uh yeah ?” you showed a confused face why is he so exited  

“that why you havnt been at work ?” you just nodded 

“omg !” he quickly brought you into his arms 

“congrats . oh my god , i cant believe it “  he took a step back and looked you up and down “ your going to be an amazing mother “

you nervously giggles “thanks “ 

he laught with you 

“ill tell you , your reaction was  better then Natasha “

“wait Natasha knew “

“um yeah “ that said that quietly as if that was a bigger secrete 

“that little ...  wait what was her reaction “

“ummm she ... “ you began 

“wait! “ Buckys face went stern  “ how are you pregnant i didn know you were seeing anyone “ he said in his protective brotherly voice 

your face dropped , you really hoped he would ask 

“ i ... “

“y /n “ he warned 

you really had to think on your feet here 

“ it was just a one night , i cant even remember “ you said quickly and nervously 

he simple nodded , it seemed he brought it 

“okay “

“so you are going to do this by your self ?”

“well im not am , ill have you and nat “ that caused the smile to reappear on Buckys face 

“you sure will !” 

“ just “ you paused , taking a deep breath “just dont tell anyone okay please , i dont need this getting “ 

“okay , that fine , your secrete and little one is safe with me “ the smile never dropped on his face

“ i mean it i dont want anyone knowing “ you said sternly 

“okay ... you know Rogers is going to be upset that his best lawyer will be on maternity leave “ 

that caught you off guard why is he bring up Steve 

“well ... he will just have to stuck it up ...”

Tag list

@little-smurf

@patzammit

I'm sure you're sick of the Endgame discourse by now but: A Thought just occurred to me, given the fandom wank over whether or not Steve "abandoned" Bucky and Sam, and (Wanda), if he came back 10 sec later, but the thing is for me ( and you kinda answered this in return to another ask ), and it's like: even if Steve came back 10 secs later it was an entire lifetime for *Steve*, where he decided that his happy ending didn't include the friends he had made in the 21st century. That in the end 1/?

Steve decided, that his happy ending didn't include his childhood friend, who he was willing to put himself under the supervision of 117 countries for ( he was willing to go against his instincts and submit to 117 countries for *Bucky*, it was only when he heard Wanda had been placed house arrest that he refused) his one bond outside the Avengers (Sam) , & his pseudo daughter/ little sister in Wanda. Like how is that extremely hurtful to them. That they were not enough for Steve to continue 2/?

living in the present? That goes beyond selfish it's *cruel* (And that's not even counting the Sharon thing, which if we're going by M&M interviews he had thing with and who he should have mentioned at the therapy session for survivors of the snap, because that would have been someone appropriate to bring up in response to Gay Joe Russo's loss), Like Bucky and his treatment is just emblematic of the whole thing, because of well let's not pretend hardcore shippers are salty, but also anger 3/?

At the way his arc was concluded? HE HAD A FAMILY HERE LIKE 90% OF WHOM HAD JUST COME BACK AND A GIRLFRIEND/ FWB . Are you seriously telling he goes back to Peggy after all of that ( and yes people he was supposed to living with Sharon in IW, trust me they did a lot more than "live together". An actual relationship has come back and he ..leaves? I mean I get why they did it (EvC didn't have the rapport with Chris that Hayley did- and the cries of "she's Peggy's grandniece!!!") but JFC 4/?

They could have had the protentional there, and had Steve working with Doctors Without Borders of something, to explain why she's running around with Falcon and Bucky. I'm sorry I'm ranting but I'm just so sad, because what it says to me is that *I* wouldn't be good enough Steve. And that hurts

First of all I’ll never be sick of endgame salt/discourse 😂 and this blog is a safe space for any and all to come and vent about the massive disappointment many of us are still feeling over this movie, so feel free to come and chat any time about this (or anything else of course 😘)

I AGREE WITH EVERY POINT YOU MADE AND AM ANGERY ALL OVER AGAIN 😡 also!!! Everything you mentioned about Sharon is so spot on and also I think it just truly clicked in my head for the first time how absolutely weird the support group was re: Sharon because!! Like you said, she WAS Steve’s most recent gf/lover/whatever you wanna call her. They had their initial connection in TWS, reconnected in CW when she risked her entire career and freedom to help Steve (and I’m p sure she was in fact a fugitive between CW and IW like the rest of team cap). We know that M&M said that early drafts of IW/EG had Steve and Sharon living together and “trying to make it work” - their words, not mine. And yet, after Sharon literally frickin DIED, Steve was... staring... at her dead aunt’s pic?? Whom... had been dead from natural causes for several years... BRUH IT DONT MAKE SENSE.

Listen, people can feel however they wanna feel about the ending but in the end, let’s be real and objective for a second. The entire Cap trilogy makes it abundantly clear that Steggy was never the intended endgame (pun intended 🙄). Peg played an important role in Steve’s character development but it came to an end, they both moved on, Steve developed an interest in Sharon. The weird Steggy “happy ending”... it was never the plan, and the early IW/EG drafts are proof. So, one can not argue that it was some grand beautiful in character master plan because it wasn’t, by any stretch of the imagination. It just... it isn’t good. It isn’t Steve. We all know it, whether we’re willing to admit it or not.

I think in the end it just comes down to the writers/powers that be not understanding the value of found family vs heteronormative romance. That’s kind of EG’s fatal flaw imo, it wrecks the whole thing. Nat dying so Clint can live and be with his cookie cutter family vs Nat living and being with her found family is another example. They just don’t get it, just like they don’t understand trauma and think it’s okay to call Bucky dangerous and bad and not worthy of the shield. And I suppose we shouldn’t expect rich old straight white men to understand these concepts, but boy does it get exhausting watching them destroy all the characters I love 🙃

But anyway. EG Steve ain’t the Steve I know and love and I don’t care what the Russos or M&M or Feige or Mickey Mouse himself says. Steve Rogers as a character belongs to us, the fans, not the greedy corporate weirdos cashing in on his original author’s work 😊 So let’s just toss EG Steve in the trash and remember the character as he actually is 💙

Reckless

Pairing: Doctor!Bucky Barnes/Barton!Reader

Summary: You aren't really known for making the best life choices. But maybe Doctor Barnes can convince you to be a little less risky?

Warnings: Doctor!AU, mild swearing, vague depictions of injury and general doctoring.

Word count: 1.6k

A/N: This was inspired by two asks sent to @bucky-plums-barnes that i just really wanted to see made into a fic. So here it is, unbeta’d and barely proof read. Dont say i didnt warn you

You weren’t hurt, sore, maybe, but you were not hurt. You winced as your friend hit a pothole in just the wrong way, okay maybe you were a little more than sore, bruised. It wasn't even the worst thing you've done all week, you just... landed wrong, that's all. It's definitely not as bad as that time with the fire pokers. Natasha shot a frustrated glance at you in the rear view mirror as she drove, “Who the hell has the brilliant idea to jump off a two story building sober?”

“Clint dared me, what the hell was I supposed to do? Be a coward?” You defended as Natasha sent her poisonous glare to the man sitting in the passenger seat. A man who probably has collected as many scars and injuries as you have over the years, you two were not known for good decision making.

“Hey!” Clint threw his hands into the air, “Don't drag me into this I wasn't the one that jumped.”

“Yeah you did you went first!”

“Why do I associate with you two?” Natasha groaned as she pulled in front of the hospital. “Clint, carry them inside so I can find a place to park,” she ordered and Clint jumped into action, very carefully pulling you out of the back seat. You winced as a shock of pain pulsed through you when he touched your ribs, yeah, bruised.

The wait for the ER wasn’t nearly as long as you expected it to be, probably because Clint ended up carrying you into the hospital, alerting all of the nearby staff. It only took about ten minutes for your name to be called. A nurse forced you into a wheelchair as she seen you attempt to limp to the examination room, much to your dismay. She quickly got to work taking your vitals and taking you to get x-rays done before wheeling you into your examination room.

“Seriously, I think everyone is getting far too worked up about this, I feel fine,” you said to Clint and Natasha as you waited for the doctor.

“You didn't see how your head hit the pavement.” Clint said, making sure not to meet Natasha’s glare.

You threw your head back in frustration causing the dull ache in your head to explode into a burst of pain. You hissed, holding your head in one hand before finally adding, “Yea but it stopped bleeding, that's all that matters right? This is a complete waste of time.”

As if to answer your question, the exam room door opened, and in stepped a young doctor with steel blue eyes and brown hair tied into a messy man bun. Well damn, if the ER doctors were going to be this cute maybe it wasn't a waste of time. “When I seen ‘Barton’ on the chart I was expecting Clint’s name next to it. You didn't tell me there was two of them Natasha.” The doctor said, shaking his head as he looked at the charts.

“Hey, I already had my monthly visit to the ER, doc.” Clint protested before gesturing to you, “Now it's their turn.”

The doctor raised an eyebrow as he looked between the two of you, “There was far too much to unpack in that statement than we can get to today.” He sighed before sticking out his hand to you “I’m Doctor James Barnes, but you can call me Bucky. I've already patched your brother up on a number of occasions. How are you feeling?”

You blinked once or twice before shaking his hand, “I feel fine, I’m just a little bruised is all. I promise you Dr. Barnes, these two are just overreacting.”

Bucky glanced  at you incredulously before looking at Natasha who was thoroughly unamused at driving her friend to the ER at three in the morning. “Does a general disregard for their own health and safety run in the family?”

“No.” You and Clint answered in unison.

“Yes.” Natasha said, arms crossed.

Bucky sighed, “Well, you have two broken ribs according to the x rays, but your ankle isn't broken so that's a plus.” He shined a light into your eyes, causing you to wince in pain as your headache pulsed angrily. “Do you know what year it is, doll?”

You paused, distracted by the nickname, “Uh, what?”

“What year is it?”

You grew slightly distracted again as you noticed the sway of two dog tags hanging from his neck, “2019?” You almost guessed, forcing your attention back to his question.

He nodded at the answer, checking things off on his clipboard, “Any head pain, nausea, dizziness?”

“I hit my head on the pavement, Of course it hurts.” You shrugged, sounding a bit snippier than you intended. “I mean, yeah but I’m okay, I walked it off.”

He raised a concerned eyebrow as he moved to your ankle. “How did you even manage all of this?”

“Yes Y/N, Tell the nice doctor how this all happened.” Natasha frowned, leaning back into her seat. You flushed slightly as the ridiculousness of the plan set in.

“Well, I mean, Clint and I were watching some parkour videos, where people jumped off high ledges and stuff.” Bucky’s eyebrows shot up in horror as you started your story, completely distracted from treating you ankle. “So we tried jumping from the roof of our apartment building. Turns out it's harder than it looks.” He looked at you dumbstruck, before opening his mouth and closing it.

“You could have broken your neck and died. You're lucky that you're even sitting here for me to patch you up doll.” He frowned, as he started to wrap a bandage around your ankle. “You've got a sprained ankle, two broken ribs, and a concussion out of the deal. You shouldn't be so reckless.”

You winced as he tightened the wrapping, “I've walked away from worse. Normally I just don't bother coming in unless I don't stop bleeding, or something is bent wrong.”

“You shouldn't be walking at all,” he argued, growing slightly frustrated by your disregard for your health. “You could have seriously been hurt, and honestly you should be coming into the ER for much less than this.” You bit your lip at his pleading face, he looked like a kicked puppy as he scolded you for your recklessness. Did he really have any right to be this damn cute? The answer to that was no, but you sure as hell weren't complaining. “Next time you get hurt like this, promise me you aren't going to try to walk it off? I already know enough reckless punks to last me a lifetime.”

He looked at you with his kicked puppy face and you felt your stomach flutter. “I promise.” You mutter as he helped you up and handed you a set of crutches. Maybe coming to the ER wasn't so bad after all.

You started to become a regular face at the hospital, much to Bucky’s relief and dismay. As it turns out, you are more reckless than your brother, often finding yourself in Bucky’s exam room once or twice a week, each time earning a thorough scolding from him on making good choices. Every once in a while his lectures would be peppered with pet names and flirtatious remarks that sent your heart a flutter. When he wasn't available to take care of you, his friend Steve would make sure to patch you up then usually minus the scolding.

Slowly, Bucky started to expect you to come in on certain days, usually the weekend, late at night seemed to be when you had your brilliant daredevil ideas. When you came in at different times, the other doctors and nurses were all sure to let him know you were okay. He took solace in knowing that, as long as you were coming in, that meant you were at least breathing.

A solace that was cracked when one week, you just didn’t come in. No one had seen you, or Clint, all week causing Bucky to grow concerned. Had you just not gotten hurt? At this point he wondered if that were even possible for you. Had you fallen back into not going to the ER? That was possible, but you always seemed happy to be patched up by him, would you really just suddenly stop? Inevitably his mind fell to the worst possible outcome, one that Steve had to repeatedly remind him probably wasn't the case.

It only got worse when two more weeks passed without you showing up. Bucky felt like he was losing his mind. He was practically sick with worry, trying not to do something stupid himself, when the head nurse handed him a medical chart. “Your patient is in room three.” She smiled slyly before moving onto the next task in her day. His heart leapt to his throat when he seen the name on the chart.

The relief he felt seeing you as he opened the exam room door was unimaginable. You looked up at him sheepishly with a badly swollen wrist, He was just glad you weren't dead. “Where on earth have you been doll?” he asked, quickly getting to work on bandaging your sprained wrist.

“You kept telling me that I should be less reckless, so I decided to try it out.” You have a slight chuckle of a laugh and scrunched your nose before you continued. “Turns out it's boring.”

He laughed, shaking his head. “You're gonna give me a heart attack doll. Do you know how worried I was not seeing you for three weeks?”

You stared at him biting your lip. “You know,” you said eventually, “there's other ways to be able to see me that don't require a trip to the hospital.”

He paused, looking up from bandaging your wrist before nodding and giving his flirtatious smirk. “Do you want to meet up for lunch this week doll?”

You grinned at his invitation. “Sounds like it'll be more fun than spraining my wrist trying to climb a wall.”

His jaw dropped. “You did what?!”

Loved and Lost

Fandom: Marvel (Royalty AU)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

As requested by anonymous:  hiii! Can you do an angsty AU where Queen hears rumors that her husband King!Bucky has a mistress or plans on having one ?

A/N: it’s angst and fluff because i’m in such a good mood rn. i dont wanna kill it with writing 100% angst...hope that’s okay, anon!

The words had your heart racing. James, your James, your Bucky, was having an affair with Lady Dolores “Dot” Williams. You overheard her speaking with her friends at last night’s gala and ever since then, your heart and mind were at war with each other.

For several years now, you and Bucky have been together. Before he was king, he was a young lively prince with whom you were friends with and had eventually fallen in love with. It was a match made in heaven with you two. You completed each other. You were two pieces of a puzzle that fit perfectly. You were in love then and still were now...at least that’s what you thought.

It all makes sense now. His late nights, his excuses. He hadn’t touched you intimately for months nor has his kisses been filled with passion like before. You were losing him. Your love, your king, your Bucky didn’t love you anymore. And it broke your heart. 

Duke Steven, Bucky’s best friend, was the first to notice a change in you. You weren’t as attentive nor playful. Your smiles never reached your eyes and you laugh lacked feeling. Something was wrong and he wanted to know what.

“My Queen, may I speak with you privately?” he asked after everyone was dismissed after lunch. You nodded and led him to the gardens, your place of solace. 

“Is there something wrong, Steve?”

“Well, I was gonna ask you that. You seem...different.”

You looked at him with a curious gaze, “Different?”

“I don’t know how to explain it, but you just seem so...unhappy.”

You nod, “I am. I...at the gala, I overheard Lady Dolores speaking with her friends and...”, you let out a sob. You covered your mouth, muffling your cries. Steve pulled you into a hug and against his chest, you cried, “She said her and Bucky have been intimate.”

Steve pulls you back to look at you, “What?”

You nod, wiping the tears from your eyes, “She said her and Bucky have been secret rendezvous and it makes sense! He’s been coming to bed late, he seems so out of it when we’re together, he hasn’t touched me for so long. I’ve lost him, Steve! “

Steve shook his head, “I don’t-this-this doesn’t make any sense.”

“Doll?” you tense when you hear Bucky’s voice. You look behind Steve to see that he’s standing there with a confused expression on his face. He sees your distress and immediately rushes up to you, “What is it? What’s wrong?” he takes a hold of your hands, but you pry them out of his grasp.

You cried even more, “Leave me alone, James!”

“I won’t! My wife is upset, why would I-”

“Bucky?” You and Bucky stop and turn to see Dot standing there. The sun is beaming right on her and a glint of silver reaches your eyes.

Your eyes narrow and focus on the piece of jewelry set around her neck. It is-no...it can’t be. Dot runs a finger along it and it confirms your suspicions. It’s the locket. Your locket. The locket that Bucky gave to you the day he confessed his love. The locket that belonged to his mother and grandmother before you. The locket that Bucky claimed that he sent away to get cleaned. 

You shake your head, looking at Bucky with red, watery eyes, “How could you?” You immediately run through the gardens, entering the hedge maze, Bucky’s calls for you falling deaf upon your ears. 

Bucky marched up to Dot, fuming, “Why are you still here?! I told you to leave!” his eyes go to her neck to see the locket that should be around your neck, “And where the hell did you that?!”

She glances at it innocently, “Oh this? Just happened to slip into my possessions.”

Bucky grabbed the necklace, yanking it from her neck, breaking the lock, “You stole it, no doubt! This locket is a family heirloom and belongs to Y/N, my wife, and the Queen!”

Dot scoffs, “Bucky, please, you and I both know Y/N’s not really who you love. She’s not really the one who was made to be Queen. I was.” she says with a smirk.

Bucky’s hands roll up into tight fists, “You listen to me and you listen to me good, Dot, what we had when we were teenagers is done. It was done the moment I found out you cheated on me with Brock Rumlow.”

Dot rolled her eyes, “Brock was a mistake and,” she runs her hands over his shoulders, “it’s you who I’m meant to be with. It’s always you.”

Bucky steps away completely confused and disgusted, “You’re delusional! What we had isn’t and never will be as special and beautiful as what Y/N and I have! Get that into your thick skull, Dolores!” he turns to Steve, who’s surprisingly still there, “Steve, get the guards to escort her off palace grounds. I never want her to step foot here again.”

“Okay, but what’re you gonna do?”

“I gotta find my love,” Bucky mumbles as he drops the locket into his pocket and goes running into the maze.

___________________________________

You don’t even remember where you’ve been or where you’re headed to. Your mind is so clouded by heartbreak and your vision is so blurred, you can’t properly make it out of the maze. Why did you decide to run in there?

Hitting another dead end, you drop to your knees with a heart broken sob. It was over. Whatever you and Bucky had was gone. You curled up into a ball, not caring about getting yourself dirty. You just wanted all of this to be a bad dream. 

In the distance, you can hear the muffled cries of Bucky calling your name, “C’mon, sweetheart! Talk to me! Where are you?!” You cover your ears, wanting to block him out, wanting to block everything out. 

You continued to sob in your curled up state. The pain that you were feeling was something you’ve never experienced before. You hated it.

You didn’t know how long you’ve been crying or how long you’ve been at the same spot, but Bucky found you eventually.

“Jesus Christ, doll.” he scooped you into his arms, “Ssshhh. It’s okay, Y/N. I’m here, sweetheart.”

You shook your head, “Why’re you here?” you looked at him with a pained expression.

His brows furrowed, “Where else would I be?”

“With Dot, obviously,” you said with distaste, “She’s your new love, after all.”

“Y/N, what are you talking about?”

“You gave her the locket. The locket that you said represents your never-ending love.”

He shook his head, “She stole the locket. She must’ve gotten a hold of it while it was coming back from the cleaning. Y/N, doll, what’s this all about? Are you upset with me?”

You looked down into your lap as Bucky continued to hold you, “I heard Dot tell her friends that you and she were having an affair. She was going into detail about your sexual exploits and...is it true?” you look up at him with heartbroken fear in your eyes, “Are you and Dot together again?”

Bucky shook his head, “No, absolutely not.”

“Are you seeing anyone behind my back?”

“No, sweetheart. There’s been no one, but you.”

“Then why are you in bed so late? Why do you keep making up excuses to leave me? Why haven’t we had sex in months?”

Bucky groans, realizing how all of this makes him look bad, “Y/N, I’ve been busy planning something.”

“Planning what?”

“I can’t tell you ‘cause it’s a surprise, but I promise you, that’s why I haven’t been around lately. What I’ve been doing on top of my royal duties has been keeping me busy and completely exhausted. And I’m sorry that they’ve gotten in the way of me showing my love and affection to you.”

You reach up and stroke Bucky’s chin, “So you still love me?”

He softly smiles down at you, “Irrevocably so, doll. I’m sorry I haven’t shown it lately.”

You give out a relieved sigh, “I forgive you and I’m sorry for doubting your love for me.”

“I completely understand where you’re coming from, Y/N. And believe me when I say that Dot is no longer welcome to the palace. She’s been a pain in my side for too long.”

You nuzzle your face into Bucky’s neck, “Good, because you’re mine and mine alone.”

He chuckles, tightening his hold on you, “Forever yours, my love.”

_____________________________

A few weeks later

“Okay, when I say three, you can open your eyes. Got it, doll?”

“Got it. Now hurry up!” you say excitedly.

“Alright! Alright! One...two...three!”

You open your eyes and you gasp at the room around you. It was decorated like a room straight out from a Disney movie. In the middle, sat a crib and you froze.

“Wait a minute.”

Bucky shrugged, giving you a sheepish grin, “I may have read your letter from Doctor Cho.”

You frowned, “I was going to tell you.”

Bucky moved behind you and wrapped his arms around your form, his hands resting on your stomach, “I know, but I wanted to beat you to it.”

“This amazing, Bucky, and I think our little prince or princess will love it.” your hands resting on top of Bucky’s that rested atop the small bump that was the proof of yours and Bucky’s undying love for each other.

so i saw endgame.

spoilers under the cut, but first of big thx to my MCU posting mutuals who saw the movie before me and never slipped up tagging their spoilers ❤️

the movie, the plot, the look backs, the team ups, THE ARMIES-OF-GONDOR,-ROHAN-AND-ELVES-LIKE ASSAMBLY OF EVERYONE KICK SCROTUM FACE’S ASS: yesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesYESYESYESYESYES YESYESYESYESYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

the ending: no.

america’s butt: 🍑 thank you for your service (and to whoever among the writers finally had the courage to acknowledge it)

“i lost our boy”: 😭😭😭😭😭😭 #superfamily

new asgard: 😊😊😊

Tony “I am Iron Man” Stark:          . . .

its been a long time since i cried like this from a movie.

i mean i understand from a like story telling pov this seems to be the only conclusive way to end this aera of the MCU cos like how could shit go sideways in future on earth and tony stark not being there to save the day as long as he lives one way or another, how make it believable that spiderman could face odds onyl he alone can overcome when the audience was more or less aware that ultimately somewhere out there tony stark was chilling in the back but could still send a technical update to help save the day.

but it hurts. so much. and it so unfair. for him who has been there for the last 10 years to save the day, building the avengers alongside steve, and now that he finally had the chance of a happily ever after with his little family, to have to make the ultimate sacrifice so everyone can have the final victory and peace except him.

as i said, i kinda understand why TPTB did this, but as a fan i was hoping they’d do it as they did at the end of the first avengers movie. we would have been ok with not seeing tony again on screen but knowing he’s living his best life in peace.

Steve Captain America Rogers: you can pass on the shield, but there’s gonna be no one like you, oh captain my captain. im happy for him and Peggy, i truly am, but it’s with the same bittersweetness as i was for frodo at the end of LotR:

How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on, when in your heart you begin to understand... there is no going back? There are some things that time cannot mend. Some hurts that go too deep, that have taken hold.

Thor: we’re here for dadbod god of thunder, (and shallow, thirsty me who wants 8pack pirate-angel baby back for GotG 3 can sit in the corner and shut up for a bit) who stands up for his buddies against online bullies and is scared, too scared to face his ex and just wants his mum back. and is just so fkicng proud of his buddy steve lifting-mjölnir-cos-he’s-as-worthy-as-the-godking-of-asgard rogers while starring death in the face saying ‘not today’ now please get your brother back somehow i dont care how!

Natasha: LISTEN MARVEL YOU BETTER FCKIG FIX THIS OR SO HELP ME HELA!!!

Clint: they surely made you pay for sitting out infinity war jfc ;A;

Bruce: we stan our big, green nerd!

Rocket: the one true snarky guardian of the galaxy, this show would go the shit without you bb

Carol Denvers: first of all YESSSSSS and please hang out with peter from time to time

Scott: didnt think id ever get emotional about ant-man, but jfc here we are ps: #epicpunchisepic

Valkyrie: long live the queen!!

Loki: same as for natasha 😡, how am i supposed to enjoy his upcoming solo series when there’s gonna be this small voice in the back of my head constaly whispering ‘whatever. he’s gonna die anyway and you’ll never get your thorki happy ending’

Pepper: i got nothing. i just want to hug her and let her cry.

little Morgan: you’re loved 3000 times and more

Rhodey: it’s been an honour.

Peter Parker: *builds pillowfort, makes hot choc gets your fav ice cream, wraps you in a 1000 blankets and protects you from all pain forever*

Sam: on your left! thats one big shield you’ll carry there buddy

Bucky: not enough time with steve

Wanda: i was almost certain they’d let you do the same to scrotum face as you did to ultron and i was 100% here for that

Hope: float like a butterfly sting like a wasp!

Peter Quill: thank god Gamora is back, now please let her reunite with her crew in GotG 3 to turn his head back into place.

Nebula: hope you find peace, get some closure and therapy, dear

Gamora: sisters before misters 👭 and glad to have you back

Drax: i couldnt see if you got him good, but hope you feel like you avenged your wife and kids

Groot: do you ever leave your bunny again please

Mantis: go kick names and takes asses, love, and never change ❤️

Black Panther: da king is back in town!

Okoye: yaaas queen!!

(Nakia: i understand Lupita Nyong'o has much bigger things to do but Nakia has been missed)

Shuri: make ‘em pay, bb!!

M'Baku: idk if you got snapped in A3 or not but epic battles arent the same without our big king from snowy mountain

Doctor Strange: your plan sucks doc!!!

Wong: your boss doesnt know what he has in you

Korg & Meik: time for another revolution guys :D

Nick Fury: where’s Goose???

Happy: you gotta step up your gmae looking after his kids now, buddy

Howard the Duck: didnt see you there but good to know you’re still around even though i still dunno what you are and why

Stand Lee: thank you.

thank you robert downey jr thank you jeremy renner thank you scarlet johansson thank you chris hemsworth thank you mark ruffalo thank you chris evans thank you tony thank you clint thank you nat thank you thor thank you bruce thank you steve thank you for being our heros.

— 𝕞𝕖𝕘𝕒𝕟 𝕤𝕒𝕨 𝕖𝕟𝕕𝕘𝕒𝕞𝕖 𝕩𝟚 (@leufeysonwinter) April 26, 2019

since apparently you can get banned from tumblr for posting endgame spoilers instead of, yknow, actually being a reprihensible human shaped pile of SHIT, im going to trash this movie so fucking hard. ive been waiting for an excuse to rip this movie and its fan a new one

so basically it starts with tony stark being all emotional because hes dying in space but all the dramatic tension is removed because you already know hes going to live, and it’s also removed because tony stark is not a person people should feel emotional over. hes a pile of garbage given sentience, hes literally one of the worst characters in the mcu, which isnt saying a lot because any attempt by the writers and directors of the ACTUALLY GOOD MOVIES to make the characters interesting got flushed down the toilet in civil war and infinity war

so anyway captain marvel shows up, saves tony and nebula, then they make a plan to kill thanos because they found him. they find him, he says he destroyed the infinity stones, and thanos is dead 20 minutes into the movie. i applaud this choice because its actually genuinely funny. there are some parts of the movie that are enjoyable, and watching that purple scrotum chinned pile of refuse get his head chopped off was very enjoyable

then we move on to like 5 years later, scott lang aka antman finally comes out of the quantum realm or some shit, and thats when the seeds of time travel are planted. fun fact about time travel in this movie. it isnt like bill and ted time travel and it isnt like dbz time travel so it makes zero goddamned sense whatsoever. this is nothing new, time travel never makes any fucking sense, and trying to explain it will make even less sense than just fucking DOING the thing

anyway, they get the gang back together, hulk is now the unholy amalgamation of bruce banner and the hulk. he then dabs, blah blah blah, time travel bs, they get thor, hes fat now, his fatness is the focus of a lot of jokes that dont land and it just plays off like theyre making fun of fat people for being fat. his trauma is played for jokes, korg plays fortnite, blah blah blah.

so anyway while theyre Getting The Gang Back Together, tony has had a kid in the past 5 years. they really do a lot to humanize tony stark and the fact that he is happy with his current state in life where thanos won and hes trying to move on is very humanizing, which is odd considering that tony stark is a sub human pile of melted human waste

anyway, tony figures out time travel because they REALLY want him to be the hero instead of literally anyone else who is more deserving. they make stupid time travel suits which look ugly as shit and they wear over their normal costumes, which is really funny

the next like hour and a half of the movie plays out like a time travel comedy. tony and steve fuck up getting the space stone, they have to time travel AGAIN into steves past, he has an emotional moment seeing his former flame whose name i forgot because pretty much any mention of her past captain america 1 was to increase manpain. isnt fridging fun? speaking of fridging, they send clint and natasha to get the soul stone. because i said speaking of fridging, i assume youll be able to figure out the rest, but because i dont trust anyone who likes endgame to think critically about tropes, natasha dies so clint can get the soul stone. they really really REALLY could have done it the other way, but no, its not as emotional if a man dies for a woman or some bullshit. whatever, it was scarlett johansen so er character dying wasnt THAT much of a tragedy lmao

anyway everyone gets their stones, nebula gets captured by thanos of the past, and then a bunch of shit happens, new nebula from the past who still likes thanos brings him to the future, he starts going on and on and on about making a new universe and destroying this one. before that they make the infinity gauntlet, hulk snaps, brings everyone back, again... blah blah blah blah blah stupid shit that we all already knew was going to happen

anyway, thanos is back, because they REALLY didnt know how to introduce a villain that was good enough for this movie, whatever. they all go off to fight thanos, he beats thor captain america and tony stark up. the entire fight is 100% fanservice because as soon as other people show up from doctor stranges portals its a total EVERYONE IS HERE moment, which like. those are always enjoyable, every character from the past showing up to kick the bad guy in the dick. its a hard trope to fuck up and i congratulate the russo brothers for realizing this. captain america gets to hold mjolnir, he beats the shit out of thanos, thanos also gets to hold mjolnir, its just a giant 30 minute long fanservice party. everyone is here! blah blah i dont fucking care. anyway, the climax of the battle is thanos smacks spiderman out of the air while he has the new infinity gauntlet, he puts it on, and everyone starts making sure he doesnt snap. also captain marvels role in the movie is really really lame because she shows up for like the first 15 minutes, and then shows up for like the last 15 minutes. it fucking sucks, shes like the only good character in this entire movie.

anyway, tony steals the infinity stones, integrates them into his armor, snaps thanos and his buddies away, and then dies like a bitch. good riddance but also whatever, his death is treated like a totally emotional thing like hes redeemed himself even though hes basically done nothing to actually redeem himself except for killing thanos, which like, anyone could have done given the chance. it seriously pisses me off that they gave him the kill instead of someone who deserved it, like nebula. all signs were pointing to nebula and gamorrah from the past killing thanos, finally givng us some righteous feminine fury that this movie desperately needed. unfortunately, it doesnt happen. the battle is won, they have tonys funeral, and they remake the quantum time machine so they can let steve go back to return the infinity stones from whence they came. steve doesnt come back, and it looks like he got to live his full life like he wanted to, which i guess good for him because hes like one of the only good characters in the movie. seeing old man steve was nice, and he of all people deserved to be happy. the movie ends, everything is over, and i just wasted 3 hours and 10 dollars. congratulations me, you just wasted your life on a movie you knew you were going to hate.

anyway, whatever, tumblr ban me now, here’s my endgame spoilers. fuck you, and fuck you for banning people over shit like this instead of banning nazis and pedophiles.

I see you (Part 1/2)

Loki x Reader

Warnings: the usual, a little bit of fluff, a little bit of angst

Prompt: Reader can see every thought and feeling of past and present in her victims. She uses her ability to help the Avengers and get Lokis information.

Sooo, after I couldnt held what i told you guys last week, I thought you would be happy to get a second Fanficiton today. So here it is. It is actually the story I wanted to post last week. So sorry I hadn't the time to finish it. But now here it is! Have fun!

*****

"Hey Tony!" You smile brightly at your old friend. He walks in your direction and puts his hands around you. "(Y/n)! I am so happy to see you! Thank you for helping us with this!" - "No problem, you know that I am open for some fun!" You wink at him just before your view glides through the room - full of Avengers.

They all seem a bit confused and tired. "Forgive me, where are my manners?! I am (Y/n). I'm an old friend of Tony. He helped me with my situation when nobody else was with me. I know I was just as shocked as you are! Tony Stark has an actual heart!" You introduced yourself excitedly. Tony chuckled a bit "I wasn't that bad." He playfully punched your shoulder and you grinned at him.

"Ehm..- Tony, I'm sorry if I interrupt you, but who is she and why is she here?" - "I'm glad you ask, Cap! But I would rather appreciate it if the Team could talk about this... in private, if you know what I mean." He nods to the only person in the room who seems to be not interested in the situation. Steve nods. You, of course, know everyone of the Avengers by name - well, who didn't?

"Soo... meeting in 10?" Your old friend looks around and everybody seems to agree. He turns to you and walks you out of the room.

"I'm sorry, I really don't want to reveal everything to Reindeer games." You smile "Don't worry Rockstar, I just want to help, in any way possible." - "God.. how often have I told you to stop calling me that?" You just continued grinning and answered "You don't mean that. I can feel it." With that you wink and follow Tony to the room in silence.

*****

After all the Avengers were gathered in the room Tony raised his voice. "F.R.I.D.A.Y., please close the door and tell me immediately if Loki comes near this room in any way you can detect." - "Of course, Mister Stark." After the robotic voice went quiet everyone can hear the click of the door.

"Did you ever think about capturing the sound? So every room would make a great trap?" You thought out loud and no second later Doctor Banner simply says "Prototype lies in the lab somewhere." You nod, smiling.

"So,.. Tony? Your turn, who is she? What is she doing here?" - "She, my friends, is our key to Loki's brain! She is even better than you, Natasha!" You playfully roll your eyes when he says it. "Calm down, you are overreacting again, old man." He shoots his middlefinger in your direction and you just grin proudly. Tony is a few years older than you, but nothing too big.

"She has a special ability - kind of like Wanda's. It is quite similiar, but not completely. Wanda has to be close to her victims to get into their brains, but (Y/n) my friends...-" You clap your hand over his mouth and no second later the robotic voice came back "Loki is coming closer to the meeting room, Mister Stark." You grin to your friend and siat down in one of the chairs behind Tony. Everybody seems quite impressed at that scenario. But for you it is everyday life.

Thor stands up and walks to the door which opens on its own this time. On the opposite side of it stands the god of mischief. Thor crosses his arms in front of his chest and looks questioning at his younger brother. "I just wanted to let you know that I am going back to my room." With that he turned and walked away. After the door is closed again you suddenly start laughing. The Avengers don't understand and look quite puzzling except Tony. "He didn't want to tell us he is going back to his room. He wanted to eavesdrop and actually it is still on his mind, but he already seems to see somethings off... oh,.. this will be so much fun." While you are talking you rest your elbows on your knees and your head on your hands. Also a big grin appears on your lips.

"Okay, Tony. What is going on? And what was that?" Steve asks strictly. Tony, on the other hand, answers pretty relaxed. "That is her power. She sees everything. Past and present. Thoughts and feelings. Just everything! Her name is 'Third eye'. She can tell you every single thing from your past at the same moment she is looking at you. She can feel everyone in this building, walking, talking, thinking. Just everything! It is insane!" You smirk a bit at how excited Tony could get at your powers. You might think Iron man can't get that excited over something like your powers, but he does not understand anything about them. So it is just really fascinating. That's the reason you roll your eyes again.

"And how is she going to be a help with Loki?" Thor asks. Before you can even think of an answer Tony erupts again. "Don't you understand! She can manipulate him, she can hurt him, she can get us needed information! She just clinks herself into his brain for a second and can review him every single one of his worst memories. She could-" - "So you want to torture my brother?" Thor doesn't seem so pleased of the idea. "Stark be careful, he is still my brother and a prince of Asgard." - "Yeah, and he also killed hundreds of people and wanted to take over my home." Tony replied dry. Before anyone of them can go on, you raise your voice. "Thor, I can understand your concern and I can see your fight, but believe me I wouldn't go that far. I do everything in my power, but I might need to hurt him a bit. In the end that's why I am here. I am here to break him, to get the information you need." He nods. He understands, you hear him and smile.

"Okay, that's the plan..."

*****

The day after the meeting you are standing in front of the door to the training hall. Natasha Romanoff is with you at the moment. Tony and the other Avengers except Thor are in the watching area. Only the Avengers, and now you, know about the area. You can't see the area from the training hall and that's the whole thing. That's why you are meeting there. "Are you ready?" Black Widow asks and you simply nod. She opens the door and tells you 'good luck' but you don't think you need it. He is just another boy.

You are the first one to enter and sit down on one of the sofas which they just put in there for this meeting. You are relaxed, it's nothing you haven't done before. Also you had the whole night to look through his brain and to prepare some topics.

The door on the other side opens and the god steps inside. The door locks itself behind him. You stand up and look at him, wait for him. He has a neutral face but you know behind this illusion he is thinking. He is already cautious and... scared?

"Hello Loki, my name is (Y/n)." Why not try being nice? Maybe he isn't as tough as you thought.

"So, you are my new toy?" He asks rather condescending. You still smile at him, you are calm. That's just a mask. He acts as if he was the strong, dominant part, but you know better. "Why don't you come here? And sit with me?" His eyes slightly close but soon he has his mask on again and walks to the couch in front of you to sit down. "What is so special about you? Why did they send you?" Everytime he refers to you,.. he seems to spit out the word, but you know better.

"What did they tell you about me?"

"They said you are a doctor. A therapist." He mockingly says

You chuckle a bit and cock one eyebrow. "I wouldn't call myself that, but yeah I do some stuff these people do."

The two of you sit in silence. Loki is stiff; he is watching every movement you make and you can see how he gets nervous. Your smile transforms into a grin.

"So Loki. I dont want to lie to you. I am here to find out more about you. I mean your brother does not seem to know everything about you." You smile warmly, but that's just a mask.

He laughs slightly "And how do you think you can get it?" You smile; he thinks so simply.

You stand up, what brings him to get up to. You smile at him for a few seconds before you start walking in his direction. You walk really slowly, but confident. You aren't scared, certainly not of him. You just want to show him that you are not as easy to break as you look like.

Just a few centimetre in front of him you stop and look in his eyes. They tell you everything and your smile turns into a smirk. "You think I am a normal mortal. I am weak. No, Loki, you are so wrong. I know more about you than you yourself. I know everything about you." You explain him slowly and firmly. You can see him swallow. "But.." You pause "there is a hole in your memory. You can't remember what happend there. After your fall from the Rainbowbridge." "Who gave you that information?!" He snaps quietly, still looking into your eyes steadily.

"I told you, you are wrong. You gave me the information. I know everything about you. I have everything in my hand, your whole life. Your whole existence. So many secrets.. So many 'no don't tell Thor's. It's truely amazing. I've never seen so many lies in a person." He looks at you stone cold, but also a bit sick. You know why. He feels sick. Sick of all these emotions.

"But.. I have also.. never seen so much hurt, so much pain, in one person." You stay silent and wait for a response. And he knows it. His thoughts are faster than normal people could every think. His eyes try to hold the cold but he loses his mask more and more. The longer you look him in the eyes the faster he cracks. His mask - covered in cracks. His eyes - the most certain part. So many emotions flow through and you can see a storm in them.

"What do you want?" He asks, angry at you, Thor, the Avengers, but most of all, himself.

You step back and reach your hand out to him. "Believe it or not, I just want to help you. We need to know what happened to you in the crack in your memory. I can only get access if you let me..." You pause for a moment, let him think. "If not I will make your life living hell. We have to get this information and I know you want it to. You don't need to hide it. I can see everything Loki. If you want it or not and yes your magic doesn't change anything with that." You inform him at the attempt to hide his thoughts with magic. With that he stops to try. He gives you access, but you stay out of his head to give him space. That's his decision and you don't to manipulate him there. Although it could mean you have to hurt him.

"I can't hide anything from you right?" You nod. "Your little friends are watching right?" Nodding again. "Tell them to go." You raise a hand. "Leave us alone." - "Clear." You hear through your communicator.

"They're gone. We are alone now." - "I'm scared." You are quite surprised at this sudden open statement of his. You never thought he would tell you out loud. "If you are willing it won't hurt too much. I try everything to not hurt you. I promise." - "No. I'm afraid of the information we will get." You nod understanding. He finally takes your offered hand and you step closer. His hand feels good. It's quite cold, but not too much. It is soft but has a few small scars on it.

Only one step and your chests would touch. You look up at him, into his eyes. Loki returns the gace, waiting for what you are going to do. "It will hurt a bit. But I'm going to be gentle. You have to relax. You have to trust me and if not me then trust in the love your brother has for you. I wouldn't do it if it wasn't for him. He wants to see you happy, I can feel it. And he is really concerned about us being alone. His thoughts are so loud. He hopes everything goes well and that he gets his beloved brother back. If you don't trust me, then trust him." You smile warmly, slowly caressing his hand. Your thumb brushes over the back of his hand.

He takes deep breathes and closes his eyes for a few seconds. "Loki? Are you ready?" He hums in agreement.

You lift your hand and lay it over his eyes.

*****

Tumblr says its too long for a One shot. So there will be a Part 2!

Infinity war spoilers

my reaction

fuckkkkkk holy shit i cant with this movie ..  the reason i love these films is because of the characters so imma try to break this down by characters (in no particular order.. just my thought stream)

1. steve fucking rogers survived (but that just means that he’ll prolly die in the next one..... but omg steve his precious little heart every time he was on screen i just wanted to cry .. i went in firmly accepting that he would die in this movie so im overall pleased. but ughhhhhhh BEARDED CHRIS EVANS/BEARDED STEVE ROGERS just fucked me up with his gorgeousness.. his “I am steve rogers” to groot omg precious.

2. im sad that a lot of my favorite characters didn’t get a lot of screen time aka bucky .. i mean yes understandable because of the story and bc of the size of the cast but ugh i just wanted more bucky

3. TOM HIDDLESTON FUCKED ME UP. i cant with loki omg if he’s really gone, which i am assuming because i dont think they would have him fake his death three times, like you leave thor all alone ughhhhhh of all the stupid things he had to just go up and try to slyly kill thanos with all these other bad guys around... not a great plan... and i was dying and crying when he said “we have a hulk” omg call back to avengers i just wanted loki to be happy and alive and now hes not... omg and when he was announcing himself to thanos as Odinson!!! ahhhh poor baby. and also when he gave up the tesseract for thors life. ughhhhh im also very sad since these events take place like right after thor ragnorok but then all these people they just saved are dead and WTF happened to valkyrie??? ugh they just did not luck out that day.. 

4. thor. yes. this man. everything about him. he again continues to prove himself and i love it. when he was reflecting on how he had nothing left to lose ugh my heart.. his whole interaction with the guardians at the beginning with chris #3 was just great and we are all the guardians when looking at chris hemsworth’s body. his side story seemed a bit long and kind of took away from the main storyline but i think it was good because we got to see him interact with other characters and see how he was willing to sacrifice himself. and when he comes to wakanda DAMN one of the best moments... why can’t these people just let thor be happy??? you kill his father and sister wand then IMMEDIATELY take loki away fuck you guys just let this guy have his family

5. tony. im also so happy he didn’t die. when thanos stabbed him i was crying .. his tech has gotten so much more advanced, which also hurts because you just know he came up with all of these because thats the kind of tech he would have wanted during civil war.. i hate the fact that tony didn’t actually call steve and that they have no interactions ... please just get them in a room together like please. ugh . and tonys now all stuck up there alone with nebula. tony is just amazing at fighting and really does have amazing ideas which just show his intelligence.i like the fact that he knew exactly what peter quill was gonna do the second that he found out that gamora was dead because thats exactly how tony reacted in civil war. tony could see it because hes been there. him and peter parker wow dad and son i love it sm

6. peter parker tom holland you killed me, you blew me away. tom your performance there was so heartbreakingly good i cant i just wanted to give you the biggest hug and fuck thanos up bc no one should make you cry like that. spidey is such a great character though hes just so entertaining and youthful.. his movie references and his heart to try to save all the people flying around.. i just.. you shouldnt have been one to blow away

7.doctor strange i have to admit i really liked doctor strange in this movie. his movie sucked so much that i guess i had really low expectations for him but his character growth in the short amount of time that he had was really great and the mindbendy shit was well done too.. i think his movie just didnt do him justice... and i think that even though he could have let tony die and not given up the time stone, other/more of that gang would have died with thanos trying to get the stone so im fine with it 

8. gamora. i cant believe they killed her. one of the best characters in the guardians crew and one of few women in the mcu... ugh her story and her arc throughout the movie was just amazing. brilliant acting by zoe. when she thought she killed thanos on KNowhere and she was just in so much agony about killing him and then it turned out to be not real and quill had to shoot her and she had to say goodbye. omg fuck. amazing acting and great writing. im so sad about her

9. thanos.. while talking about gamora i have to talk about thanos ... easily among the best villains in the mcu. he lived up to the hype. i like how much backstory they gave him (take note star wars) and how we could see the complex relationship with gamora .. the directors were here and were saying how all the best villains have emotional connections with the protagonists and this really made him a better character.. i hate him for hurting all the people i love but you are a formidible enemy

10. peter quill wow chris pratt has range when he had to shoot gamora i cant amazing acting and i just want to hug him too. his character really helped with the comic relief in such a heavy movie and i like a lot about his interactions with the earth avengers and with thor

11. scarlet witch and vision.. i admit im not the biggest fan of their relationship ... like i dont not like it but i also dont really care about it. but this movie really makes you care about them and again wanda had to choose between her love and the stone and that whole scene with the music swelling and her getting the stone out and destroying it. fuck. and then she has to go through all that trauma only to have vision die anyway and thanos get the stone. why are these people bent on traumatizing wanda?? just let her be happy stop killing people she loves

12. bruce was entertaining and i liked his character a lot in this film.. interesting choice to not have the hulk come out but it just shows that bruce is just as helpful too

t’challa, okoye, shuri, m’baku, natasha, falcon, rhodey, bucky all did not get the screen time they deserve (especially tchalla!) 

but omg “She’s not alone” and black widow and okoye kicking ass together to save/protect scarlet witch was one of the best moments of the movie

steve and tchalla running at the alien things is my aesthetic (but they should run to me instead of posisbly to their deaths)

bucky and rocket’s whole interaction was great and everything i expected and wanted out of the two of them meeting

fucking groot out here growing up before our eyes

ALSO sooo shook by the red skull being on that one planet. i was the definition of shooketh 

when all the characters started fading away .... it was really hard but also frustrating because i didnt feel like the audience or the other characters (other than peter and tony) got the chance to process and react to the loss of all these huge characters and loved ones. 

sad but also glad that they didnt have hawkeye and antman in this because i just want to keep them safe and out of harms way. at the end credit scene i had a thought that fury was calling hawkeye and the next movie would just be one guys with a bow against thanos lmao that would be great but also captain marvel yes. 

im curious to know when antman and the wasp is suposed to be and i actually will probably see it now 

also the main theme in this movie was characters choosing love/a person or the stone and it really really hurts because all these characters are so good and dont deserve any of this

overall i really enjoyed this movie i thought it was well written and paced well. the directing was brilliant and the acting blew me away. i will consistently be amazed by how great these actors are at their job. it probably isnt going to be in my top 5 marvel films (because i do really like the individual films that really are focused on one character and their growth aka catws) and its definitely still beneath avengers 1 in ranking avengers movies but mostly because the film didn’t really focus on the characters i really love and didnt really develop them that much.. but overall i really really liked it i think it lived up to my expectations. i laughed and cried and i was surprised and i think they did a really great job

(also my friend didn’t now that this was part 1of infinity war and thought that this was just the end of the mcu completely and i died of laughed)

Thor

So i already knew that as an agardian thor would live for a long time unless he’s killed. But i just realize that means he’s going to outlive all the avengers. And you know that guy sees them as a family. I know the movies dont go i deph to bia realitionships with all of them but after all the years you know he’ll care about them. Even the ones he hasn’t met yet.

Just imagine:

Rhodey is the first to go. After civil war and his time in the army his body has just taken to much of a beating. Thor might not be as close to him as tony but Rhodey is a friend. A fellow warrior. Someone he could share with the pain of his battles and how the memories would haunt him and Rhodey would understand. After all you dont come out of war ok. Imagine Thor at his bedside holding back tears and giving him an agardian warrior farwell.

Bruce is next. The radiation and stress he’s been through holding the Hulk back has finally caught up. Thor is by his side giving one last thanks for all both Bruce and Hulk did to help his people. Admitting while laughing/crying that they are both his friends. That as someone who was close to both Bruce and the Hulk isn’t just losing one friend but two. Imagine the Asgardians having their own seperate funeral for the man who helped saving them all the while learning the pain of a short life.

Barton dies protecting a couple kids. They’re not even on a mission. The man was out with his family when a kid ran onto the street with an incoming car and Clint is not one to ignore someone in trouble, even more so a child. But Clint is human and his body can’t survive being hit head on at 60mph by a car. His death is so sudden and unexpected Thor doesn’t know how to react. His first thought in his rage and grief is to hunt down the man who killed his friend and left his children fatherless. But Thor isn’t stupid. He knows Clint wouldn’t want that. Instead he honors Clint by being there for his children and Wanda who saw the man as a father. He wouldn’t understand their personal pain but as someone who lost a father he loved he knows how to support them. Watching over them is how he will honor his friend.

Tony dies at 70. His body had reached it’s limit. Thor is of course there in his room. Tony, the stubborn fool, refused to die at a hospital. Thor is getting use to losing his friends now but the pain is still as strong as it was when they lost Rhodey. Tony is joking and Thor has seen enough death to know this is his way of coping, still Thor can’t seem to find anything a little humoring, but he’ll smile and laugh for Tony’s sake. Tony is smart and knows Thor has years to live and so he asks Thor to watch over Peter. It is already a given. The boy has been a part of Thor’s family for awhile now. But Thor swears it. Anything to make it easier for his friend. As a weird as it sounds losing Tony is not only losing a friend but a teacher. Tony, even with his sarcastic and joking ways, had been the one to teach Thor the customs of the humans and helping him understand their ever changin society. And more importantly Tony had been the one to supply him the money to make a home for his people on earth. The skies see a unexpected rain that night.

Stephen strange is the next to go. The two had become drinking buddies. Him with his beer and Stephen with his the tea. The man had reminded him of his brother in some ways. What with his magic and ‘i’m better than you’ attitude. The man had use magic to prolong his last minutes so he could comfort his friends. Something Thor had been trying to do for him, but the guy had been a doctor and he understood death in a way others couldn’t. Still, Thor stayed by his bedside till the very end.

Natasha and Steve went around the same time. Their age had finally caught up to them. Losing Natasha had felt wrong. Thor had learned to understand the human life span but there was just something about the women that seemed invincible and yet here she was dying. Thor could feel a sense of relief in her though. The poor woman was always on gaurd and could never fully relax. In death she finally could. It didn’t make it any easier. But Thor stayed. He held her hand and gave her blessing as she passed giving her one final kiss on the forhead.

Losing Steve hadn’t been any easier. The man had not only been his friend but his leader. There wasn’t many of them left at this point and losing a friend that had been with him for decades was devasting. Steve took it in stride. He laid in his bed fretting over the others. It was so like him that Thor had to laugh. With all the advice and worries Steve had for them he only had one request for himself. Bury him next to Peggy. And so Thor did. And he watched as the world morned the loss of Captain America but seemed to ignore the loss of the man himself.

Sam seemed to deterate after the loss of Steve and his death was not unexpected but just as crushing as the rest. With so few of them left Thor never left the mans side. It hurt seeing how quickly he deterated. But Thor remained strong. It was the least he could for his friend. It was ironic though. As a consular Thor was sure Sam comforted him more then Thor had been to comfor him.

T’challa was next. The two had a special bond brought on by the fact they were both rulers of their people. T’challa had been the only one to understand that weight and the pain of making the hard decisions for the better of their people. And with this understanding T’challa had only one request. Be there for his son when he would make those decisions. Thor promised of course but even then he knew that his son would never be half the man T’challa was. At least not to Thor. That was the problem with losing a friend. Nobody ever could compare or seem good enough compared to the one they lost.

Scott died suddenly. One month he was a healthy old man and by the next he was already gone. It was already hard of course but watching his daughter begging for him to stay made it so much worse. Once again Thor cursed the short lifespan of a human as he held his friends dying hand. In the end all he could do for his friend was be there for his daughter.

Wanda died of cancer. She spent much of it apologizing for her past mistakes. He spent much of it promising her she had nothing to apologize for. Everyone made mistakes. It was weird for Thor. He could remember her being a young woman like it was yesterday and now she was an 85 year old women dying of cancer. By now Thor thinks he should know how to comfort his friends but he doesn’t. So he holds her as she dies promising them that its ok. She’ll finally be able to see her brother again. He cries as he sees her take her last breath and the heart monitor goes flat. He feels another piece of his heart break as the bury in the ground next to her brother.

Imagine Vision, who Thor had planned on having in life forever, losing his will to live after Wanda has passed. Imagine him saying his goodbyes and his thanks to Thor for helping give him life and the chance to expreince it all. Imagine him removing the infinity stone from his head as he aplogizes and tells Thor to protect the stone. Imagine his last word is Wanda’s name and any anger Thor has at Vision for leaving him is gone and all that is left is a nearly broke man.

In a way Peter’s death was the hardest. Not only because he was the last but because Thor had see him grow from a great teenage boy to the wonderful man he is now. Like Thor, Peter is use to death so they spend their last hours together remembering their friends. Laughing at the good memories and mourning at the sad ones. Peter has his own family of course but Thor has been apart of it for decades now. He comforts Peter as the boy apologizes that he’s leaving Thor on his own now. How Thor tells him its ok. He’ll see them all in a couple thousand years. Imagine Thor holding his hand as he goes and breaking down when the heart monitor stops beating. Imagine him losing the last of his avenger family.

Imagine Thor feeing a piece of his heart breaking everytime a friend passes. Imagine him cursing his father for ever sending him to Earth in the first place. But in never truly meaning it because for all the pain it brought it was still nothing compared to the good. Imagine the skies tearing apart everytime. Lighting and rain storms appearing in a hundred mile radius of him. Imagine him cursing the life span of the humans. Imagine him hating his own lifespan. That not only because of it he gets to see his friends die but their families to. Imagine the pain he feels and the haunted look you would catch in his eyes at time. The way his shoulders would sag when alone. Imagine each time he gets more protective of Loki. Odin forbid he loses him too. Imagine the only true comfort for Thor is knowing he will see them all again in Valhalla when it is finally his turn to die. Imagine all of his friends greeting him at the gates of Valhalla. Imagine the tears in his eyes and the smile on his face as he sees his friends for the first time in thousands of years. Imagine all of that.

Walking The Wire (117/155)

Summary: Tony Stark always knew about Peter Parker. He didn’t know that Peter was going to get superpowers and become Spider-Man, but he always knew about Peter because Peter was his son.

This will span from pre-Iron Man up through the rest of the MCU (eventually including Infinity War) and will be for the most part canon compliant except where I’ve taken some liberties and interpreted canon a certain way.

Pairings: Pepper/Tony, Tony/Steve (endgame), Tony/Mary (past)

A/N: If you want me to tag you when I post new chapters let me know. This fic is also on AO3

I used Collider’s MCU timeline to stay canon and the title of this fic is an Imagine Dragons song that is just so fitting for Peter and Tony

@findmeinthestarss

Masterpost

Chapter One Hundred Sixteen

Strange was on the ground but he was awake and Peter stood a few feet away, the iron legs gone back into the suit and his mask pulled back. The cape flew away from Peter where Peter had been greeting it to Strange as Tony approached and let the nanotech in the suit pull back entirely as he walked towards them.

“We’ve got to turn this ship around,” Strange said.

It was Tony’s first instinct too. Figure out how to turn the ship around and go back home. It was sort of his main instinct because Peter was on the ship. The only thing was that he didn’t know if they could or if it was the right thing to do. Maybe there was something to the idea of catching Thanos unaware because the last thing that he was probably expecting was for them to show up wherever the ship was headed. After all, they were already headed to space so maybe they just needed to stick with that trajectory since Strange had gotten them into this situation in the first place by not leaving when he could have.

“Stark, we have to turn the ship around.”

“Yeah. Now he wants to run. Great plan,” Tony muttered.

“No,” Strange grounded out. “I want to protect the stone.”

Tony really just -- he hated how arrogant Strange was even after Tony had gone to the trouble of saving his life. He headed towards what looked to be the controls of the ship.

“And I want you to thank me. Go ahead. I’m listening,” Tony added as he walked away.

“For what? Nearly blasting me into space?” Strange asked as if he hadn’t been surrounded by needles just a few minutes earlier.

It was as if he wasn’t taking into consideration at all that Tony and Peter had had to leave Earth to save him because he and the Time Stone around his neck had gotten captured and taken onto an alien ship.

“Who just saved your magical ass?” Tony asked and he turned because he knew that Strange had walked after him. “Me.”

“I seriously don’t know how you fit your head into that helmet,” Strange said and Tony thought that he must have said it solely to irritate him. He really couldn’t stand this man.

If Strange had only listened to Tony while they were on Earth when Tony told him to leave it was possible that they wouldn’t be in the situation they were finding themselves in now on some alien ship in space headed to -- well, Tony had no idea where they were headed.

“Admit it,” Tony said. “You should have ducked out when I told you to. I tried to bench you. You refused.”

Dr. Strange scoffed and it was clear that he was too arrogant and too determined to disagree with Tony and at least bickering with him took his mind off of worrying about Peter and the outcome of the situation they were in. From the looks of it it the ship was on some sort of autopilot. Tony had no way of knowing where it was headed but there was certainly a destination.

“Unlike everyone else in your life,” Strange said, “I don’t work for you.”

“And due to that fact, we’re now in a flying donut billions of miles away from Earth with no backup.” That was the part that really rankled Tony if he was honest. He had no way to contact the team -- to let them know what was going on or that they were okay. No way to figure out a plan together and really decide what their best choice would be. They were on their own. He and Peter were on their own with Strange.

“I’m backup,” Peter spoke up from behind Strange.

Tony didn’t want to be angry with Peter. He didn’t want to be upset at him for staying on the ship when Tony had been sending home and yet it was there under the surface because Tony had to think about the universe as a whole and his mind just kept going back to protecting his kid because to him that was the most important thing and yet -- Peter’s well being couldn’t be the priority. Not this time.

“No,” Tony said, addressing Peter, “you’re a stowaway.” And for good measure he pointed at himself and Strange. “The adults are talking.”

Peter’s shoulders dropped a little and he looked like he was ready to argue back, but he seemed to rethink it.

“I’m sorry,” Strange said. He was looking between him and Peter with some interest. “So, I’m a bit confused as to the relationship here. What is he? Your ward?”  

“No,” Peter said. “I’m Peter, by the way.”

“I’m surprised you don’t already know,” Tony said. “After all, everyone knows I have a son.”

Granted, most people didn’t know that his son was Peter and that his son was Spider-Man, but Strange wouldn’t care one way or another.

Strange grunted. “I don’t actually follow your media coverage, Stark,” he said. “So this is your son, then?” Strange looked Peter over, seemingly taking the moment to really look at him before he let out a breath. “I’m Doctor Strange,” he said directing it at Peter.

Tony busied himself looking at the controls of the ship, trying to figure out how they worked and what they might need to do to get control of the ship and maybe get it off of autopilot too.

“Oh,” Peter said, “we’re using our made-up names. Um, I’m Spider-Man, then.”

Tony tried not to laugh. He wasn’t sure if Peter had said it because he was serious or because he was getting some amusement out of confusing Strange.

“The ship is self-correcting its course,” Tony informed them. “It’s on autopilot.”

Tony still wasn’t sure if they should head back home. The father in him said yes -- that it was the best thing to do. It would mean being back somewhere familiar where they could figure out what to do with the Time Stone. It would also mean having Peter back on Earth and having the option of trying to keep Peter out of trouble. But he couldn’t make that decision based solely on what was best for Peter. He couldn’t be a dad -- he couldn’t be Tony Stark about it. He had to be Iron Man -- he had to be an Avenger.

“Can we control it? Fly us home?” Strange asked.

Tony didn’t answer. What were the better odds? Thanos would come for the stone no matter where they were and with him destruction and death.

“Stark?”

“Yeah?”

“Can you get us home?” Oh, but he wanted to. He wanted to badly.

“I heard you,” Tony said. “I’m -- I’m thinking -- well...I’m not so sure we should go back.”

Tony knew that as soon as he said it that Strange didn’t agree and that he didn’t understand what Tony meant by it.

“Under no circumstance can we bring the Time Stone to Thanos,” Strange said. “I don’t think you quite understand what’s at stake here.” He got in Tony’s face, anger and fear so obvious in the way he stared at Tony and it was so demeaning and pushy and of course Tony understood. He understood better than anyone.

“No, it’s you who doesn’t understand,” Tony shot back. “Thanos has been inside my head for six years! Since he sent an army to New York and now he’s back and I don’t know what to do. So, I’m not so sure if it’s a better plan to fight him on our turf or his, but you saw what they did. What he can do. At least on his turf, he’s not expecting it. So, I say we take the fight to him.”

He had decided. He was sure it was the right thing to do. The only thing to do. Tony stared at Strange and at least the man was smart enough to take Tony’s words and think on them and not just shove them aside like everything else Tony had said.

“Doctor, do you concur?”

Strange took a moment and then there was a slight nod even though Tony could tell that Strange wasn’t entirely sure. “Alright, Stark. We go to him.”

Was it a good plan? Tony wasn’t sure -- it just seemed like the thing to do. Because if they could turn the ship around -- assuming they could even manage that -- it wouldn’t exactly lead them away from the fight. Tony started to turn away from Strange, but Strange stopped him and he looked almost apologetic in the way he stared at Tony. He glanced back towards Peter once before speaking.

“You have to understand,” Strange said, “if it comes to saving you or your son or the Time Stone -- I will not hesitate to let either of you die. The fate of the universe depends on it.”

Peter let out a gasp. Small and almost silent. Tony tried not to react with anger.  

“Good,” Tony said. “Nice moral compass you got there.”

Strange looked away and Tony stepped back too and then he looked towards Peter. Too loyal and too wonderful Peter who should have been back on Earth safe and sound. Tony would have felt so much better about this decision if Peter wasn’t there. He hated the idea of bringing Peter along to this fight -- to face a threat worse than any they’d ever faced before. Peter had moved over, closer to the controls which he looked at with curious interest.

Tony dropped a hand to Peter’s shoulder and Peter just moved into a hug almost instantly as if it were instinct to him and Tony didn’t mind it at all. Peter’s arms wrapped around Tony’s middle and he was warm and breathing and alive and Tony could hear his heartbeat and it was enough. Tony pressed a kiss to Peter’s head and he closed his eyes and let himself imagine that they weren’t on an alien ship and instead back home and none of it was true.

“Love you, kid,” Tony said.

“I’m sorry I didn’t listen,” Peter whispered.

“I know.” And he did. He could tell that Peter felt sorry -- he maybe didn’t regret his actions completely, but he hated disappointing Tony. “It’s -- I don’t know if I’d say it’s okay but there’s nothing to be done now.”

“I know,” Peter said.

When Tony looked up he found that Strange was watching them.

Chapter One Hundred Eighteen

DR. FEELGOOD

There's an opiod crisis in America. I read about it everyday. Thousands of people who take narcotics to get high. To blunt the pain of whatever is hurting them. Physically, emotionally, whatever. I don't even pretend to have any kind of solution.. I can only offer you an insiders perspective. My very first experience with the good stuff was right after I got married. I'd had a migraine for the third straight day.. I'd get them several times a year.. but this one wouldn't stop. My mom says enough is enough.. I'm taking you to urgent care. Kat had the kids.. otherwise she'd have driven.. she was concerned by now as well. Never had one last this long. At the urgent care.. the guy checks me out.. "are you allergic to anything?" "Are you ok with a couple of shots.. we'll get you feeling better" Not allergic.. hate shots.. but ok fine Demerol and Thorozine Nectar of the Gods I remember it to this day. Full disclosure time. I'm 24 now.. haven't yet run into the issues that are about to start soon. I dont really drink.. been drunk a handful of times. But I dont drink.. just never cared for it.. don't like the taste, don't like the feeling. I smoked some pot when I was 20-21 but I was always paranoid about getting busted.. plus now I have kids.. and you know what that means.. no money for pot. Tried cocaine a couple times. Kat and I would get a little for "date night". But we're talking birthday or anniversary stuff. So, pretty vanilla for a party guy. Just wasn't much of a chemical romance for me. My how things do change. Demerol and Thorozine No ecstasy so wonderful.. no bliss so complete. I went from being almost blind with pain.. to walking on a cloud.. I floated out the door to mom's station wagon. Such a pretty station wagon! My God.. look at that wood paneling! It sooo beautiful! I opened the door and folded myself in half to get in. Mom says "whatcha doing?" I don't wanna hurt the car by banging into it.. It's so tiny and beautiful... "I think you're covered.. put your feet on the floor.. put on your seatbelt please" Home again after the beautiful magic carpet ride full of neon and colors. In mom's beautiful woody station wagon. I floated thru door.. "Oh my, you look better" Kat laughs You are sooo. Pretty ! You know what would great ? Brownies! And sex!.. and sex brownies! And pizza.. we should have everybody over and BBQ. I'm going to lay down for few minutes, watch a movie.. but then sex brownies! Zzzzzzzz. 2 days later when I started coming around. I honestly have never felt that good in my life. 2 days of being completely pain free.. and floating on clouds. Never before.. certainly not since. The problem with being in chronic pain is this. It's chronic.. that means it NEVER stops. Some days arent too bad. You feel crappy... but honestly.. any person over 40 is familiar with feeling pain every single day. I just got a big headstart from everyone else. A lot of days.. far too many days. The pain is crippling. But most people like me have to figure out how to have a life despite that. So, on we soldier. I'm mid 30's... just really getting bad sick. My doctor is an Internist. The kind of general doctor that does innards. Dr. Feelgood was an amazingly good doctor. Everyone in town knew and loved him. Everything's going wrong all the time.. But Dr Feelgood is working overtime to fix it. I'm in serious pain.. everyday.. all day. But he gives me pain meds. Vicodin, Percocet, fiorinol, demerol, pills, patches, shots. We tried everything. I had access to sleeping pills, xanax, valium. Not all at once of course. But in hefty doses. I was dying.. and I just wanted it to be as pain free as possible. Dr. Feelgood was trying his best. There was a point in my life.. because of the years of taking so many narcotics.. I could take absolutely lethal doses without getting even a little buzz. I could get a migraine.. which at the time was common. Go into the office and get a shot of demerol.. and off to work I'd go. It got rid of the pain ok. But no more highs for poor Steve. The party is long over.. and I'm still always in agony. This was a big reason why I quit everything all at once. For the past 5 years Dr Feelgood has been banging his head against my wall. But we had the opportunity to move to another state.. I'd had my 2nd resection.. so this was as good as it was going to get. Off we go. For the next 3 years.. nothing. Some good days.. some bad.. but no drugs at all. But reality does tend to insert itself. The fact of my life is.. I Have to use narcotics most days..and there are millions of people like me. Used properly they are a miracle for us. Buy there are too many people who see how glamorous its is.. being a drug addict looks like one long party for Steve... lets try it! I do make it look glamorous. The problem today in 2017 is the government is seriously clamping down on legitimate prescriptions for legitimate patients. Every time my doctor prescribes narcotics. She gets a letter from uncle Sam. It tells her all the good drugs she's given out vs. How much other doctors have written. You never want to be on the naughty list. Dont stand out! That means they now have to ration out the good stuff. They can't have several patients getting narcotics. So those of us who have a legitimate reason to take them. Can't always get them. Most doctors practices will not even take you as a patient if you are on narcotics! Wont even talk to you about it. So here's my current nightmare. If I lose my current doctor.. I may not be able to get another.. ever. All because of the opioid epidemic It's happened already.. About 12 years ago.. after my 3rd bowel resection.. my GI. said we could try... Morphine. It's good for guts like yours. It helps with pain.. it causes constipation.. which can balance the scales with the diarrhea you always now have. Cuz of the fact that you have almost no intestines left. But there's rules.. you can only get so many per month. There will never be more. Don't ask. No other drugs from any other doctors. Ever. No drug seeking behavior. Ever. Dont feed it after midnight or get it wet. In 12 years I've never broken the rules. Not once. But I had started going to a pain management Doctor. She took over all prescriptions.. but same rules. Thats what they do. And again.. I followed the rules. But she was willing to up the doses over the years. And eventually I was getting some pretty good amounts. Now to be clear. I haven't gotten high from morphine since almost ever. It just helps the pain some.. keeps my guts pretty calm. But one day I get a form letter.. they're closing down the pain management aspect of their practice because of government pressures. Too much hassle. So I go back to my original GI who started me on it, to take it back over. But he just had to retire after serious back surgery. And his partner wont talk to me. RuhRow! What do I do Scooby doo? I was lucky enough to find someone for about a year.. she cut me way down.. but at least there was something. But this isn't really her specialty.. and she's getting the letters from uncle Sam. So.. fuck it.. I quit ! Cold turkey.. I planned it out so I could take off a month from work. Stocked up on ensure.. and T.P. Got ready for withdrawls. They were as horrible as you see on t.v. or movies. Basically it's like having the flu really bad for a couple weeks. After a month I was clean.. but my new nightmare was in full view. I am missing a large portion of my intestines after 3 bowel resections. It's called Short Bowel Syndrome. Everything that goes in.. goes right back out.. fast. No sight seeing along the way. If course the rapid pass through causes severe spasms and pain. I could no longer leave my bedroom. Not ever. I was on the toilet 10 times a day or more. And I barely ate at all. My new GI wasn't to happy about going the morphine route. I remember our appointment a couple months after I'd quit cold turkey. I wrote down my reasons why I wanted her to put me back on. I was bawling as I tried to convey how miserable I was.. I wanted my sad pathetic life back! I don't want to only be able to get out of bed so I could shit myself to death. I begged like dog. She agreed at a much lower dosage.. and of course.. all the same rules apply. Most days.. it's not even close to enough. But at least I can get out occasionally. Work a few hours a week. Play Pokemon Go with the grandkids and my beautiful wife. I get to have some little bit of a life. If anything happens to her.. or she just decides otherwise. My life will literally be over. My entire life is on the line. Every month. I go to pick up my refill prescription from her.. I think.. is this the month she cuts me off? I don't wanna die. I didn't do anything wrong. I don't have the answer to any of this. All I know is that there are thousands, maybe millions of people in this exact same boat. Narcotics are the only thing keeping them alive or letting them have some measure of relief from pain that you couldn't imagine in your worst dreams. Our governments solution right now is to take away all narcotics from everyone.. let God sort 'em out. Crack down on doctors who are trying to keep them alive. Cut funding for rehabilitation services and mental health. The 2 best tools to curb the opiod epidemic. These are just facts I'm sorry to say. I just don't understand how they can be so callous and cruel. I didn't do anything wrong. I don't deserve this.