just saw on twt that apparently the campaign to renew ofmd fell apart and that the people who put up the billboard deleted their site and discord and disappeared and nobody knows what happened to the money? if true alhamdulillah 🙏
Everyone thinks that dick was the golden child when in reality it was Jason.
Clark: Bruce who was your favourite robin?
Dick: obviously it’s me?
Tim: it’s dick
Damian: I am superior robin, it will be me.
Bruce: it’s Jason
Everyone: WHAT?!?!???
Bruce: why are you so surprised? He didn’t jump on too my chandeliers which I had to replace each week
*everyone looks at dick*
Bruce: he didn’t drop out of school
*everyone looks at tim*
Bruce: I didn’t have to stop him from killing everyone who annoyed him
*everyone looks at Damian*
Bruce: in fact, he enjoyed school and handed all his homework in on time, we would spend hours in the library reading his favourite classics. He even helped Alfred with most of the cooking, He was my little boy
Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
i have this headcanon that percy and annabeth are raging accidental flirts. but not with each other. like. they'll go to the coffee shop on fifteenth street. and compliment the barista on his hair and clothes and tip really well. but only for him. and they have no idea this boy is absolutely swooning over them. or. each time they to go the bakery downtown. they take the time to converse with the waitress at the counter as they eat her homemade muffins. and are incredibly vocal about how she's their favorite server. and how much they enjoy seeing her. and suddenly they're the only two customers that can get her services for free. except, they just think she's like that with everyone.
The Batkids: *all sitting on the floor huddled around a phone*
Bruce, walking up: What are you guys doing?
Tim: We're playing a new game. Its like truth or dare, except it is only dare, and all the dares are decided by a random word generator set for verbs, if we need more context we can randomly generate a noun too. Here, Steph is next, watch.
Steph: *clicks the generate a word button* 'appreciate'? *Clicks for a noun* 'Scene'? Am I supposed to go to a play? Look at the top of a mountain?
Damian: you have to get to the top of the hill, adequately appreciate the scene, and get back before your next turn, otherwise you are out
Steph: *gets up and runs out of the house*
Jason: My turn *presses the randomly generate a word button* Request *presses to randomly select a noun* cookies. Fuck yes! Alfred!
Cass, soaking wet, signing: not fair
Bruce: hey, I saw Dick's car out front, where is he?
Duke: he got 'vanish'
Tim: Still better than that time Jason got 'die'
Damian: me next, 'read'
Jason, walking in with a plate full of cookies: you gotta read and finish Pride and Prejudice before your next turn.
Damian: That's impossible! Without Dick that is only 5 people before me.
Tim: Impossible if you sit here complaining. Better hop to it.
Damian: *running to the library*
Duke, stealing a cookie: you wanna try, Bruce?
Bruce: maybe just once *clicks the button* 'grin'
Tim: Batman has to smile for an entire day fighting bad guys and dealing with the Justice League
I love that the siblings all had different kind of reactions to viktor coming out?? Like five, klaus, and diego not making a big deal of it but accepting it instantly. allison wanted to talk about it and felt like a bad sister for not noticing sooner. luther wanting to throw a party to make him feel loved and diego wanting to keep it on the down low so that victor knew that it didn't have to be a big deal if he didn't want it to be. I just really like how it's all been handled and I'm feeling all the trans emotions from it