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an-spideog · 5 months

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Don't Use Duolingo if You Really Want to Learn Irish

That title is a bit dramatic, but I really don't think that duolingo is a useful tool for Irish, especially in its current state, so I want to talk a bit about why, and I'll also talk about some alternatives.

Pronunciation

The first and most egregious issue is that at some point recently-ish, duo decided to start using Text-To-Speech for their Irish course, rather than recordings of a native speaker. The problem here is that their TTS is not trained on native speakers of Irish and pronounces words incorrectly. It doesn't make consistent distinctions between broad and slender consonants for example.

Irish has no standard pronunciation, so I understand how it can feel weird to choose just one dialect for the purposes of pronunciation (the old recordings were from a speaker of Galway Irish), but having just one dialect is much better than TTS which sounds like a learner, imagine if they had TTS for the French course which sounded like an anglophone schoolkid trying to pronounce french, and claimed they were teaching you how to speak french!

Grammar

Duo tends to be correct on grammar at least, which is a start. But often people using it get very confused about the grammar because duo doesn't explain any of it. I think there's a place for immersion in language learning, and I don't think everything has to be explained like that, but within duo's system of sentence testing and exercises like that, not having any explanation for why it's "mo chóta" and not "mo cóta" can be really confusing. Duo used to have more grammar information, it's a shame that they removed it, I wonder why they did it.

Money and Motivation

Duolingo is a business, and their motivation is not to help you learn a language 'fully', but to keep you using their app and hopefully have a higher chance of sharing it with others, competing with others, buying or causing others to buy memberships or lingots or any other in-app purchases.

I don't want to make it out like duo is some big conspiracy and they're tricking people, I don't think that's the case, but it's good to remember that their primary motivation is to keep people using the app, rather than help people move to a level in a language where they don't need the app anymore.

Keep this in mind whenever you see people trying to sell you stuff for language learning.

Why do people use Duolingo

I do get it, and I don't want to make anyone feel bad for using duo, there's a ton of reasons people tend towards it at first 1. It's really well known, so especially if you're learning a language and haven't heard of other resources for it, you'll check duolingo 2. It's very motivating for a lot of people, checking in every day and forming that habit is a really good way of sticking with a language 3. It's fun, people enjoy it

If you use it for reason 3. and you still like it, then don't worry about this post, I'm not trying to yuck anyone's yums, keep having fun!

If you use it for reasons 1. or 2. you can still keep using it if you like, but I want to suggest some other things which you might find helpful in trying to get to a higher level in Irish.

Other Resources

To address the pronunciation issue, I'd heavily recommend you disregard the pronunciation in duolingo, if you're looking for more reliable sources of pronunciation, I'd look towards recordings of native speakers, you can find that on:

Teanglann and Foclóir (they use the same recordings)

Fuaimeanna

and a really useful and underused one: https://davissandefur.github.io/minimal-pairs/ where you can hear the difference between similar sounds that English speakers often mix up in Irish.

A lot of people like duolingo because it's nice to have a clear path forward, a progression that you can get into without too much decision-making. For this I recommend getting a good textbook or course and working through it, the ones I'll recommend also have native speaker audio on them.

Learning Irish by Mícheál Ó Siadhail, this book teaches Galway Irish, not just in pronunciation but in grammar too. It's quite dense but it's well thought out and well explained.

Teach Yourself Irish (1961) this book is available for free online, and is a really good option if you're interested in Cork Irish (Munster), and have some experience with grammatical terminology. I used this book myself and really liked it, but it's very intense and not for everyone. (If you do end up using it, feel free to skip the appendices at the start, they're more of a reference and sometimes put people off from actually getting to the first chapter. Also if you have any questions about it or need any help just let me know.)

If you want a video course, there's a great course called "Now You're Talking" which is available for free online, along with audio files and worksheets here. It features Donegal Irish and leads into the more intermediate level course called Céim ar Aghaidh also available online.

There's other textbooks that I have less experience with (Buntús na Gaeilge, Gaeilge/Gramadach Gan Stró, etc.) but if they work for you, stick with them, there's nothing worse than not making progress because you keep switching resources trying to find the "perfect one"

Whether or not you continue to use Duolingo, I would really really encourage you to try engaging with media in Irish. People often shy away from this when they're learning because they don't feel like they're "ready" yet. But you basically never feel like you're ready, you just have to try and find something near your level and try to get comfortable with not understanding everything. This is where you learn a huge portion of the language, you hear how things are pronounced you see what words mean in what contexts, getting input in your target language is so important!

I know content can be kind of hard to find, so I'll make a few recommendations here: There's a wealth of content available for free online (more if you're in ireland but some internationally) on TG4 If you're still starting out, I'd recommend trying to watch some kids shows since they'll have simpler language and will be easier to follow. I wouldn't recommend using English subtitles when you watch them. Some good options include:

Dónall Dána: an Irish dub of Horrid Henry, silly and childish but the actors have good Irish and importantly the show has Irish language subtitles, they don't always match but if you're still beginning and can't necessarily get everything by ear, they're really useful. (Mostly Galway Irish)

Curious George: another dub, again with Irish language subtitles (I can't remember what dialects were in it off the top of my head but I'd assume mostly galway again)

Seó Luna: No subtitles, but a good option if you're aiming for Munster Irish, the lead character has Kerry Irish

Miraculous: No subtitles but a better show than most of the other kids' ones and more bearable to watch as an adult (Mostly Galway Irish)

Ros na Rún: Moving away from kids shows, a long running soap opera, this has Irish subtitles and a really good mix of dialects within the show. If you're finding the kids shows boring or too easy I'd really recommend it, but it can be complex because of the amount of characters, dialects, and plotlines. I'd recommend starting at the beginning of a newer season and just trying to catch on to what's happening as you go.

There are a lot of books, if you live in Ireland you can get nearly any Irish book for free from a library, so please check out your local library or request some of these from other libraries in the system:

There's a series of fairytales (Rápúnzell, Luaithríona etc.) by Máiréad Ní Ghráda which are illustrated and for children, which are a really good option for when you're just starting out reading

There's kids books about Fionn and the Fianna by Tadhg Mac Dhonnagáin

There's a cute little kids' book in Kerry Irish about a cat named Mábúis

Leabhar Breac has a lot of graphic novels, some of them based on Irish mythology, some on other stuff. The fact that they're illustrated can make it a lot easier to follow even if you don't understand all the words at first.

Gliadar has just released their Scott Pilgrim translation

If you're looking for something a bit more advanced you can look at some of the books for adult learners by Comhar, they contain simplified language and glossaries but have full original adult stories.

And if you're wanting full, natural, native-level Irish there's a load of books by those same groups, and others like An Gúm, Cló Iar-Chonnacht, Oidhreacht Chorca Dhuibhne, Éabhlóid, Coiscéim, and more.

And don't shy away from older books written in Seanchló either, they can be more challenging but it's a whole extra world of books

If you're trying to improve your listening comprehension, I definitely recommend listening to shows on Raidió na Gaeltachta, hearing native Irish speakers talk at full speed is really good practice. But I get that it can be overwhelming at first. Here are some things you can do as you build up to that:

Watching those same TV shows I mentioned without subtitles is a good way to build up listening skills.

Vifax is a website where you can practice listening to short news segments and answer questions on them, then getting to look at the transcript with notes afterwards.

Snas is kind of the evolution of vifax, now using clips from both the news and Ros na Rún.

I really hope that this post can help people move away from duolingo if they're looking to take their Irish learning to the next level, if you've got any questions, just let me know!

#gaeilge #irish language #irish #irish langblr #gaelainn #learning irish #as gaeilge #duolingo #resources

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getitoutofmymindwrites · 2 months

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The crushing | joel miller x f!reader, 5.2k

Summary: This is the story of a man who had everything in the palm of his hand and traded it all for an empty space in the hollow of his heart. Or This story follows Joel, two to three years after he cheated on his wife.

Warnings: 18+ MDNI, ANGST, cheater!Joel, Joel's POV, this is NOT “The Falling” from Joel's POV, brief mention of smut (p i v) but nothing too graphic (I think), self-loathing, depression, therapy, flashbacks and memories from the past, alcohol consumption, Tommy being a supportive brother (eventually), as always let me know if I missed anything!

A/N: Ok, so, Joel gave me a whiplash on this one, he was either staring at me through the screen giving me nothing, or he was mumbling unintelligibly in my ear while I was trying to keep up with him. It started out as a final chapter, but I really think that this part should be Joel's POV and the next and -probably- final one should be the resolving, however that may come. I guess it can be read as a standalone, but if you're interested, it's a sequel to “The Falling”. I edited it seven thousand times because I kept adding things along the way, so I hope it all makes some sense and there are not too many mistakes.. Thank you for taking the time to read anything I write! Love you all! 🥰😘

P.S.: I just wanted to take a moment and let you know that I really appreciate everyone who has read, liked, commented, reblogged and asked about “The Falling”. I honestly didn't think a single soul would take the time to read that kind of story. It means more than you know and I didn’t take lightly how close to home this fic hit for some people; yet you’ve given it a chance, sharing some of your own experiences with me. I love you all, take care and I'll see you -hopefully- in the comments! 🥹🫂

Dividers by @cafekitsune & @saradika-graphics

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...need your reassurance...

...your only focus…

...for the foreseeable future...

He did make it his sole focus. Because of course, he closed the deal, even after he left that damn table like a madman. He still found a way to get what he wanted. That's the man he was. And he wasn't sure if he hated himself for it or not. But self-loathing was a daily occurrence now, so one more reason added to the list was nothing he couldn't handle.

For two years he would wake up every day, is it called waking up if he doesn’t sleep at all?, he would work his ass off, he would go home, he would sink into despair and then he would start all over again the next day. A vicious cycle consisting of 730 days in a row. The deafening silence within the walls of the house was excruciating, the loneliness was unbearable. Even the light penetrating through the windows seemed different than when you were there with him, a dullness surrounding every corner of the now barely lived in space.

You. He hadn’t seen your face in 730 days. He hadn’t smelled your scent or touched your soft skin. He barely listened to your voice anymore, any form of unavoidable communication, you preferred to be conducted by the lawyers, or via text messages, at the most. At the 731st one, he finally knew, something had to change. He couldn’t repeat another day, like all the others that came and went. He simply couldn’t.

Tommy suggested that therapy might help Joel, a few times, but he refused every one of them. Maria was keeping her distance, her place was delicate, being his brother’s wife but also his wife’s best friend. Surprisingly, she was the one who finally got through to him.

“Are you gonna stay a recluse for the rest of your miserable life, then?” Maria wonders, switching her gaze between Joel and the dining room. Everything was untouched, as you left them when you moved out, but the place felt empty, depressing, probably mirroring Joel’s existence.

Joel sighs, closing his eyes briefly. “I’m not a recluse..”, he snarls through his teeth, rolling his eyes at her. He was more than eager to be done with the dinner his sister-in-law insisted on having in his house and be left alone, in his natural state. Alone. Infuriating woman.

“What do you call that?”, Maria persists, goddamn lawyer to the bone.

“What?!” Joel spits back pissed off, looking at his brother next, for support.

“That!” she gestures around his body and his surroundings. “The way you go on for the past two years! Either get over it or do something about it!”, she doesn’t hold back, even when Tommy proposes a gentler approach. Yeah, look where it got you, is the paid answer, so Tommy steps back, shaking his head and raising his hands up in surrender.

“You’ve got him on a leash, hm?”, Joel jokes absentmindedly, “Can you breathe alright, Tommy boy?”, earning himself a hard glare from Maria.

“Maybe the wrong Miller is on a leash..” Maria mutters, causing Tommy’s eyes to widen in horror.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”, Joel retorts doing a double back at her.

“Means that freedom is for those who can bear it.”, Maria throws her napkin on her plate and leaves the room. Joel remains silent, pondering the meaning of her words. It would be a long time before he understood what she meant.

Therapy was hard.

Therapy was hard because he had to do it for himself. He had to concentrate on himself. He thought, being the contractor that he was, that he would walk into the room, get the answers he needed and fix his marriage, just as he rearranged the bricks and the wood and the steel on the construction sites.

But this wasn’t about his marriage. His marriage and the way it crumbled down was the aftermath, he came to learn. It was the outcome of insecurities, selfishness, lack of communication, ungratefulness.

He got it all wrong. Everything. Every little thing. He had to rewire his brain and change every point of view he was holding onto. Honesty. Honesty was the key.

“Why didn’t you reach out to your wife after that night?”, his therapist insists.

“I respected her boundaries.”, Joel was quick to respond.

“And what were those?”

“She didn’t want to see me.”

“Did she say that?”

“No-, I mean-, the way she left that night, she didn’t say much in general. But she blocked my number, so.”, he shrugs in defence.

“So, how can you be so sure that she didn't want to see you? Even if you're right, it doesn't mean that she didn't expect a reaction from you, or that you weren't allowed to try, if that’s what you wanted.”

“Why would she? I upset her, she needed time to think, work things out.”, Joel explains.

The therapist swipes her fingers over her lips, contemplating her approach. “Joel, you walk into your bedroom, into what is supposed to be a safe place and you see your partner with another person in an intimate moment. How does that make you feel? Just say the first words that come to mind.”, his therapist changes the point of view.

Joel shudders just at the thought of it. You, naked, flushed, lips parted and swollen, skin sweaty, breaths short and pupils blown wide, coming for anyone other than him. It would utterly destroy him. “Furious, pissed, betrayed, heartbroken.. I think I would lose it, if I’m honest.” he admits instantly, in his haste to throw the abomination of this image from his thoughts.

“I see. But in her case, you think your wife was just upset?”

“No, of course not.” Joel slightly frowns, shaking his head.

“Do you think she felt all those feelings that you just described to me?”

“I believe so, yes.”, god this is so hard.

“You believe so?” the therapist pushes, again.

Joel’s nostrils flare from the sharp inhale, “I know so.”

“So, she wasn’t just upset.” the therapist concludes and Joel agrees without meeting her eyes, “No, she wasn’t.”

Over time, Joel came to realize that his choice of words was a subconscious attempt to diminish the seriousness of his actions.

“You said in a previous session that you gave space to your wife to work things out.”

“Yeah, it was only fair.”, Joel confirms.

“So, it was hard for you to give her that space?”

“Yes, of course, I missed her every day.”

“Was that a constant in your relationship?”, the therapist wonders.

“I’m sorry, I don’t follow.”

“How did you work things out as a couple, before? I assume you had difficult times as partners, no?”

“Nothing major to be honest, my wife was a very calm and reasonable person. If anything occurred she would talk to me about it.”

“And how did you respond to that?”

“Uh, I was there to listen, we always found a solution together as a couple.”

“Hmhm, so, what changed this time?”

“What do you mean?” He knew exactly what she meant.

“Why didn’t you talk to her? Communicate with her? Maybe help her see your side of things, like you did before, find your way out of this together, as partners.” his therapist explains. “And even before the infidelity, did you let her know that something was bothering you, that you felt differently?”

"I didn't feel differently about my wife. My feelings for her never changed.", he immediately corrects her. "My love for her was never the problem," he confesses and it's the first time since his therapy began that he's shared something so personal, so private.

“But there was a problem, something was wrong if you felt the need to be intimate with another woman. So, why did you keep that from her?”

Joel opens his mouth already knowing he does not have an answer. Or that he doesn't want to give one. He shakes his head, raising his brows in a silent admission that he can’t answer that. Or he won't. His gaze is fixed on a loose thread on the fabric of the couch, his fingers keep picking on it.

“Joel?”

“I- I don’t know what you want me to say, I don’t know.” he keeps shaking his head. He can’t answer that. He won't.

He was so angry when he left the session that day. He was so angry at you. He was angry at your honesty, your clarity, your courage to have a mind of your own and to speak it freely, knowing full well that probably no one else shared the same opinions as you did. That's what he loved most about you, but now he hated it.

“Own it, Joel. Own what you have done. At least that way it will be worth something. Otherwise it was all for nothing.”

This was one of the last things you said to him on the phone, while he was trying to persuade you to change your mind about the divorce. You were always so brave about those matters. Matters of the heart, of integrity. He remembers you always talking about things that he found admirable but utopian. Easy in theory, hard in practice.

“I need to be able to sleep at night. I need to own my decisions; not because I’m always right, far from it, but at least I know I’m being honest with myself. And that matters.” he recalls one of your late-night talks.

You usually found it easier to share your most vulnerable thoughts once you were thoroughly fucked and satiated. When Joel held you in his arms, your breaths almost shared over the same pillow, your scents and your fluids mixed together.

“We’re all imperfect beings, flawed; we all feel embarrassed when we fuck up,” you continue, “it’s hard to admit our mistakes to others, I get that. But deep down we always know what we’re doing and why we’re doing it. Admitting it only helps us to be present in our lives.”

“Be present?”, Joel seems fascinated by the way your mind weaves your thoughts together into deeply rooted beliefs.

“Yes, my love, there's no greater freedom than to live your life truthfully.” you smile at him, softly. Your sleepy eyes roam his face affectionately. Your fingertips caress his jawline, your thumb pressing lightly against the bare patch of his beard. He can feel your devotion pouring from your fingers and sinking into his skin at that moment.

“That’s one of my greatest fears, you know. Living my life in ignorance, in a lie.”, you whisper your deepest insecurity against his soft lips. His hold on you tightens as he rolls you onto your back, nestling his hips between your welcoming thighs. You are safe in these arms. His arms. You surrender to him, body and soul. You can feel his growing erection pressing between your folds, already wet from your combined releases. He tenderly brushes his lips against yours and slowly licks his way into your parted mouth, as he intertwines his fingers with yours. He enters you in one fluid, slow thrust, his warm exhale cooling your wet lips. “Then let me give you something real.”

Thinking back to those moments, Joel couldn't reconcile himself to the fact that he was the one who had brought that fear of yours to life. What broke him was that it was not a lie. Your life together had not been a lie. He loved you. In fact, he was burning up for you. He was a man of control, but not with you. Never with you. You consumed his every thought; being around you for too long made his lungs constrict in pain, begging for a deep breath. Sometimes he was worried sick that if he completely let himself love you like he needed to, he would suffocate you. He loved you. And it killed him that his actions suggested otherwise.

But at some point he had to be honest with himself. He was just protecting his ego. He was trying to get the upper hand out of a shitty, compromising situation. He wasn't being thoughtful, he was being selfish. He was biding his time. He thought the longer he left ‘it’ untouched, the less it would hurt when the inevitable time of confrontation came. He was scared out of his mind that he would lose you forever. No second chances, no redemption, no reconciliation.

No lingering scent on his pillow as your hair pools there, under his chin, as you nestle your face between his neck and shoulder, breathing him in. No laughter through the enormous house, damn, why did he build it so big; you never clarified what the disbelief in your eyes meant when he said he built this house for you, while he pulls you up on your feet for a silly cowboy dance.

No more gentle touches, no more noses brushing together as a silent goodbye in the kitchen before you rush off to work. No more turning around just before you open the door to leave, running to him like a little girl, giving him quick, hungry pecks on the lips while he laughs on your mouth, squeezes your butt cheek and slaps it playfully to say goodbye. Later, baby, he would promise you, his teeth nipping at your earlobe and he could feel your skin crawling with anticipation.

No more I love yous, either breathed, either whispered, either panted, as he makes a home for himself inside your warmth.

When did he fuck you last? He used to have you every day. You craved it every day. You craved him. Why did he stop telling you he loved you every chance he got? When was the last time you said it?

A week before that fateful night, when you touched him longingly, aching for him to touch you back and he told you he had work to do, he wasn’t a teenager anymore. Why the hell did he say that? Why did he sit there and watch the light fading from your eyes? I love you, you said with a sigh against his temple and walked out of his office defeated. Why did you say that? Did you know? Did you suspect? Why didn’t you fight him? You should have said something, anything, pushed him, punched him in the chest, woken him up. Would he have woken up? Or did he need that to come to his senses? Does he have to fall? Does this falling ever stop? Does he have to let you go? Will you come back to him? Does he deserve you?

Days blurred seamlessly into one another. Joel drifted further and further away from everyone. The house haunted him, all the progress he was making within the therapy walls was dissipating once he stepped inside the cold space of his empty house. Leaving the confines of it was his first thought in the morning, while he hurriedly dressed to go to his office far earlier than necessary and his last when he closed his eyes, as he laid his weary limbs on the couch, chasing still your now long gone scent on its fabric, knowing another sleepless night was his only companion until the first rays of sunlight hit the floor-to-ceiling windows to announce the beginning of another day.

People at work tiptoed around him, not knowing how to act. It was as if he was there, but not really. He was focused solely on the Marks project, mechanically going through board meetings, paperwork and supervising the construction site. He. Just. Wasn’t. There.

Joel, will you please sign the papers?

He simply stares at the text message for a good full minute, his thumbs hovering over the screen of his phone. This was one of the rare occasions you had initiated communication with him, always about the progress of the divorce.

No, no, I won’t, the little toddler in him screams, stamping his little feet on the ground.

The papers are not ready.

Joel texts back. He keeps it simple, frightened he might not get an answer back.

Joel, we both know they are. I don’t want any of your assets or your money; this is an easy signature, please.

An easy signature? You think he cares about the houses, or the cars, or the money?

You know I can’t accept that. The house is yours and so is a good part of the money.

The point was to share this house together, Joel, don’t you think us splitting up kind of defeats the purpose? And what on earth makes you think I would ever want to go back in there?

So, there’s nothing I can do to make this easier for you?

Easier? You think money or property can make up for what you’ve done?

Of course not, I wasn’t implying anything like that. Just wanna do something for you, anything.

Can you turn back time?

Of course, he can't. So, he doesn't know what to say to that. He just keeps staring at the screen, lost in thought. After 2 minutes another text follows.

You know I can’t..

Sign the papers. Please.

“Is there anything in particular you want to talk about today, or should I take the lead?”

“Actually I’ve been thinking a lot about that night.”, Joel suggests for the first time. He usually lets the therapist decide where to steer the conversation, then simply refuses to elaborate until he feels ready to talk.

“What about it?”, he shifts his gaze from the window to the direction of her voice.

“I should probably rephrase that. I’m always thinking about that night, repeating it in my head again and again and I’m troubled by something I realized.”

His therapist nods to signal that she's listening.

“Why did she just leave? The more I think about it, the more it doesn’t make sense to me. She just left. No shouting, no breaking things, no attacking either me or-”, her. “Why she didn’t stay? Why she didn’t insist that I leave? She was just- so quiet.”

The therapist smiles in recognition of Joel's near breakthrough. They were beginning to get somewhere, his empathy nudging him under the surface.

“I'm really glad you mentioned that, Joel, so I'd like to take you back to that night and try to understand what might have been going through your wife's mind at that moment," she explains.

“So, she walks into the house, finds her safe space violated by her husband, and she chooses to handle the situation calmly and quietly-” Joel tries to stop her, but she already knows what he's going to ask. “I can't tell you why she chose that path, that's for her to answer, only she knows why.” His therapist continues, “She is making one request of you and one request only, can you tell me what it is?”

“She asked me to leave the house.”

“Hmhm.” the therapist looks at him expectantly.

“I just wanted to talk to her.”, Joel elaborates, “I thought that if I refused to leave, she would accept to listen to me.”

“So you forced your needs on her, while she was in a particularly fragile state of mind.”

“I should have made my intentions clearer, you mean?”

“I mean, that maybe you shouldn’t have had any expectations in the first place. Why do you think was so important to you, to explain yourself right at that moment?”

“Because I knew it was probably the last time I would see her for a while, I just wanted to ease her pain, why is that so wrong? Should I be indifferent? Would that be better?”

“Did it ever occur to you that you might be depriving her of her right to choose?” Come on, Joel, break some eggs.

Joel now begins to make connections. He rubs his hand over his face, the realization of what has really happened crushing him. “Oh, god, I-” He's been so selfish from the start. He hasn't shown you any respect, not even at this delicate moment. He didn't give you a choice as to whether you wanted to listen to him or not. He didn't even let you choose where you wanted to stay. He just made you leave the house. Did he make you believe he wanted you to leave? That he wanted her to stay? Because he didn’t. Fuck. “-I never thought about it like that.”

Fuck.

How could he be so blind? Why was he so blind?

His therapist insisted on it. Because no matter how much progress Joel made over the course of a year, he never revealed the true reason behind his infidelity.

“Joel, we’ve talked about a lot of things; you’ve tried really hard to make this all about your wife and about understanding what she was feeling and how your actions have affected her, but as I keep reminding you”, she smiles understandingly, “you’re the one in therapy, you need to heal your wounds before you even attempt to heal hers. And although it is in fact a really noble thought, this” she gestures between them, “can only work if you do it for yourself. I know it may sound selfish, but I promise you, it is not. It is the exact opposite.”

Fuck.

“Yeah?”, his voice hoarse from sleep as he answers the door after the insistent knock at it. Tommy looks at him surprised once he opens it, “You’re sleeping, already?”. No, he wasn’t. He wouldn’t call it that. But when he goes almost a week without any proper rest, passing out is the right word for what he’s doing. “Yeah, I guess I dosed off..” Joel lies. “What are you doing here?”

“I came to see you.” Tommy responds as he squeezes himself through the door to enter the house. “Yeah, sure, come on in.”, Joel mutters under his breath. “You just saw me at work this morning, is everything all right?”

“I just came to check on you.” Tommy confesses uncomfortably.

“You could have called.”

“Would you have answered?” Tommy deadpans.

Touché.

“Tell Maria I’m fine, Tommy, no need to worry about me; go spend the night where it counts.”, Joel replies in an attempt to push him away, as he walks farther into the house, rounding the kitchen island.

“Hey, brother, I’m here, I am here for you.” Tommy’s eyes narrow in pain and concern as he stares at his sibling's back, following behind him.

Joel exhales hard through his nose, his grip tight as he grabs the edges of the counter, his head lowering between his shoulder blades.

“You shouldn’t, nobody should.” Joel sighs, rubbing the pads of his fingers across his forehead.

“Ok, that’s enough.” Tommy snaps at him. “Enough self-loathing, enough resignation. Enough. You’ve punished yourself enough.”

Joel laughs at that. “Is that right? Is it enough for you? What about her?” he asks, his head turned to the side, looking at his brother over his shoulder.

“What?” Tommy is genuinely confused.

Joel turns his back, resting his waist on the edge of the counter, now looking straight at Tommy. “I should have what? Just get on with my life? Let it all be water under the bridge? Disrespect her even more?”

“Jesus..” Tommy mutters, pinching the bridge of his nose with one hand, the other resting on his hip, his eyes shut in frustration.

“Are you doing this for her? Does she even know that?”

“It doesn’t matter, Tommy!” Joel raises his voice, exasperated. “I’m not doing this for her, I’m not doing anything for her, apparently and that’s the problem.”, his voice breaks, the lump in his throat too big to push down. “She’s not here anymore, Tommy.” he’s standing fully on his feet now, pushing himself away from the counter, leaning slightly forward, like he’s trying to make his brother understand; his eyes are glazed, Tommy had never seen him so devastated before. “She’s gone. I’ve lost her.”, his palms clenched in fists in front of his chest, resisting the urge to wrap them around his shirt and rip it to shreds, as he wants to do with his heart.

“I thought therapy was working..” Tommy whispers, his eyes dropping to the floor beneath him.

“Oh, it’s working, all right!” Joel chuckles in irony, sniffing his nose. “I’m getting a front-row seat, witnessing what a piece of shit I am-”

“Hey!” Tommy tries to cut him off.

“-what on earth was she doing with me to begin with, is beyond me.”

“HEY!” Tommy's eyes bulge out of his sockets, angry at his brother's self-deprecating words. Joel bends his waist forward, puts his elbows on the island in front of him and lets his head sink in again.

“Ok.” Tommy breathes deeply to ground himself, his hands in a position of a prayer in front of his mouth, “Ok, we could both use a drink.” he realizes, as he moves to open the cupboard to grab two tumblers and the whiskey from the shelf with the drinks. “..or five.”

The two brothers drink their first round in silence, both calming their nerves down. Tommy refills their glasses without asking; he knows this is going to be a long night.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you.” Tommy begins, pushing Joel’s drink back towards him. Joel wringles his brows in confusion, “What are you talking about? You’re always there for me.”

“No, I haven’t, not really.” Tommy admits, “I let Maria take over when all this happened and I’m sorry.”

“There was nothing you could do, Tommy, don’t sweat it.”

“Let me say this, please.” Tommy raises his hand, his palm facing his brother. “I was just- fuck, we all knew how much you loved her, how much you loved each other, so when it all went down, I just didn’t know how to deal with it. What to say to you, how to comfort you. I didn't know how to deal with you.”

“You blamed me.” Joel says matter-of-factly.

“No-”, Tommy weakly refuses but Joel shakes his head dismissively, interrupting him. “It’s ok, Tommy, you should.”

Tommy looks embarrassed, his cheeks slightly pinkish, not only from the whiskey. “It’s just that I- I couldn’t reconcile the image of the man you were with her, with.. you know..”, he stutters.

“..the image of a cheater. Say it.” Joel adds.

Tommy shakes his head, like he still can't believe what's happened. “Besides, while she was staying with us those first few weeks I saw how devastated she was, man- she was a shell of a woman, so I was confused, I didn’t know how-”

“Tommy. Tommy, it’s fine.” Joel feels his skin crawl visualizing you like that in his head, cutting his brother off once again; he deserves every ounce of mistrust and he knows it.

“No, it’s not.” Tommy insists. “Yes, you fucked up. Brother, you really did. You did a number on her-”, Joel’s body tenses instantly at his brother’s words, his jaw clenching as his eyes darken, moving down to his hands, his grip on the tumbler tightening, his knuckles turning white and Tommy stops abruptly, “shit, sorry, I didn’t mean-”, his face twitches with regret.

“It’s the truth. That’s exactly what I did.” Joel’s gaze seems detached as if he's somewhere else right now.

“What I meant to say, is that I should have been there for you in spite of what has happened. I can see you're suffering, it's taking its toll on you, it has been for some time now; tell me what I can do. How can I help you?” Tommy seems almost desperate, like he’s the one in need of redemption.

Your text flashes through his mind, can you turn back time?, making him smile bitterly.

“Can you turn back time?” Joel's repeating your question and as the words leave his mouth he can feel your presence next to him. That's the most he felt of you for the last three years. He's almost blissful.

“You know I can't.” Tommy sighs. Joel laughs earnestly, the irony of the moment too good not to appreciate.

“Joel, brother, please, just talk to me. Help me understand. You act like you’re the one who’s been cheated on. So, what happened? Why did you do it?” Tommy is pleading with him to give him anything.

Silence fills the room for much longer than either of them would like. Joel feels torn between telling his brother everything or keeping his mouth shut. He wants to tell him, he hasn’t told a soul, but he’s not sure he can get the words out. He’s not sure he can bear to hear the words coming out of his mouth. He’s not sure he can substantiate it, make it real. Because that’s how it feels. He talks about it and it becomes real.

But maybe this is the right thing to do. That’s what needs to be done. He needs to talk about it. He needs to tell the truth and admit the pain he’s caused. Make it real for you, too. Perhaps it is time for him to give you what is rightfully yours. Acknowledgment.

Joel’s made up his mind. He’s gonna talk to Tommy. He lifts his glass to down his drink for some liquid courage, freezing his hand in mid-air as the next words fall from his brother’s mouth. “First of all, who was it?”

“What?” Joel's eyes search Tommy’s through his glass for an explanation.

“Who did you do?”, Tommy clarifies.

Joel feels like he’s been struck by lightning. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“Who did you fuck, Joel?”, Tommy begins to feel confused, are they not on the same page here?

“You don’t know?”, Joel can barely speak now, his voice low in shock.

“No one does, not even Maria; she never told anyone.”

You told nobody? Not even your best friend? Why on earth would you do that? Did you feel ashamed? Was it just too much to talk about?

But his brain takes pity on him, helping him for once to understand. He’s connecting the dots while your voice fills the corners of his mind through his memories. His head is swarming with images of you standing in that walk-in closet, remembering what you said the last time he saw you. You’re the one I married, not her. I expected better from you, Joel, not her.

You were right.

It didn’t matter who it was. That is why. He was the one making the choice. He was the one breaking his promises, breaking your trust, breaking your heart; breaking you. He was the one who should have known better. He was the one who should have been honest. Easy in theory, hard in practice.

He feels a fresh wave of pain scattering through his body. He welcomes it. Damn, he’s craving it. He’s glad you chose to withhold the identity of the woman. Not because somehow it’s making it easier for him to defend himself, on the contrary.

There’s no one else to blame. Nobody. Just him. All of the anger, the resentment, the disappointment, all of them on him. He embraces them all. Everything. He will take it all, swallow it down and let it rot inside of him.

Joel tells Tommy everything. Everything, but her name.

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Taglist: @southernbe, @orcasoul, @auteurdelabre

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honeytonedhottie · 3 months

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dear diary⋆.ೃ࿔*:･✨

keeping a diary is so much FUN and helpful not only for my mental health but for overall GIRLINESS. as someone who's been keeping a diary consistently for two years now, i'll be giving some diary resources and tips on how to get started and maintain a diary.

WHY ITS FUN TO HAVE A DIARY ;

i love to read past entries bcuz first, im rly rly funny and its fun to go back and read what i was writing about at that time and just reminisce on points in my life. it makes for great entertainment and it showcases growth that i've made and the way that my character changed or grew.

its been a game-changer for my mental health bcuz i have a little outlet where i can be completely transparent and just yap endlessly with no one to stop me or invade on my privacy.

TOOLS FOR A PHYSICAL DIARY ;

fluffy pink and purple pens

yummy scented glitter pens

past-able things (examples include ; cut outs from magazines, photos that you've taken and printed, stickers, memo sheets)

some print able and past able resources ;

decoration for the actual diary like glitter, stickers, ribbons, and frills.

for the actual diary , look for diaries that are pretty (for example, fluffy diaries)

more examples ;

TOOLS FOR A DIGITAL DIARY ;

a good writing tool (FOR MY DIARY, I USE NOTION)

cute headers + photos to insert into my diary, i find all of my photos on pinterest.

digital diaries are easily a lot less work then physical diaries which is why i keep a digital diary but keeping a physical diary is SO much fun too.

THE ACTUAL WRITING PART ;

everyone will write in their diaries in a different way based on whatever feels the most natural, but for me i start off my entries with "dear diary" and then write in the journal as though i was writing to a friend so its super comfy and relaxed.

i actually have a couple of writing outlets, so i have a journal and i have a diary. my diary is mostly for my day-to-day life. its updated 2x a week (tuesdays and thursdays) in my journal, thats less about my day to day and just random things i wanna write about.

STUFF THAT I HAVE IN MY JOURNAL ;

all about me

girlhood and the little joys of life

why im the most beautiful girl (with proof)

stuff i like

vaunting about myself

sweetest inbox letters (cuz ur all so sweet)

list of things i've consciously manifested so far this year

my car collection

tattoos i wanna get and why

my unholier thoughts

PROMPTS AND IDEAS ;

angel numbers

favorite song lyrics

list of things to manifest

a love letter (to yourself, crush, etc)

letter to your future/past self

lipstick stain log

current obsessions

pressed flowers

favorite sweet treats (ranked)

list ur crushes and celebrity crushes

favorite quotes in general

ppl that u look up to

doodles

all in all i think that journalling is such a fun and beneficial hobby and hopefully this post can help u to start something that u might rly love. ✨

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bellaxgiornata · 4 months

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The Devil at Your Window |1: Snowed In|

Pairing: Matt Murdock x Fem!Reader Word count: 8k

Warnings/Tags: 18+; fluff, flirting, sexual tension, light angst, pining, eventual smut, identity reveal, and lots of black suit Matty

Series summary: In the middle of a New York City blizzard, the Devil of Hell's Kitchen accidentally lands himself on your fire escape–quite literally. When he accepts your invitation to warm up inside your apartment, you're surprised at how well the conversation flows all night with the curious and attractive masked vigilante. He's intriguing, though what you find even more intriguing is his unexpected returns to your window after that night–and his flirting. But when it seems like you're not the only one beginning to develop real feelings, he pulls back and you're left wondering two things: Why did he disappear and who really is the mysterious Devil that you've inevitably fallen for?

a/n: Just a short collection of one shots that I'll update whenever the ideas strike. It'll be told in a style like Falling for the Devil but it won't get nearly as long (unless y'all end up loving it, too). I just couldn't deny giving us all the fantasy of black suit Matt reappearing at your apartment window and all the flirting, sexual tension, feelings, and naughty things that might ensue... The installment list for this little series can be found here and feedback is always appreciated!

Tag list: @danzer8705 @darkened-writer

Picking up the steaming mug of tea you’d just finished making from off the kitchen counter, you cradled your other hand around the warmth of the ceramic and drew it towards your chest as you turned and headed back towards your living room. The small spot of heat against the front of your sweatshirt caused a shiver to run down your spine as your sock-clad feet padded along the cold hardwood floor and back towards your couch.

It was freezing inside your apartment tonight and the blustering snow storm raging outside in Hell’s Kitchen wasn't helping. Thankfully your office had already announced its closure for tomorrow before you'd finished work earlier this evening. The snow had already started to dump from the sky before you’d even left the office, falling heavy and wild as it accumulated in a cover of white that blanketed everything in the city. It would have been beautiful if you hadn’t needed to walk home afterwards in the frigid mess–especially with the way the large clumps of snowflakes pelted and battered you in the face over and over, the cold stinging at your skin.

The city was expected to get a whopping eighteen inches of snowfall minimum over the next twenty-four hours, so you were grateful that your boss wanted as little to do with making it into work tomorrow as you did, especially because you couldn’t afford to do anything but walk to the office. The last thing you wanted to do was trudge through all of that mess and slip on a patch of ice, inevitably falling in a massive pile of snow and leaving you stuck in damp dress clothes all day.

No, you'd rather stay dry and cozy at home enjoying a lazy day off of work.

You were just hoping the power in your apartment building remained intact throughout the fury of the winter storm. You didn’t want to think about losing the heat in your building in the middle of all of this. Another shiver ran through you as you pushed the thought away–hopefully not something you’d need to worry about tonight.

But since you didn’t have work first thing in the morning, you had every intention of enjoying your night. You’d immediately come home and thrown off your dress clothes before settling on something comfortable–soft sweatpants and a cozy sweatshirt sans bra underneath. Then you’d made dinner and cleaned it up fast before claiming your ‘spot’ for the evening on your couch. Which consisted of both of your blankets and the television remote while you binged a guilty pleasure show that you hadn’t had time to catch up on for the past few weeks. Tonight you were intending to stay up a bit late, cozy up beneath your blankets, drink some hot tea, and lose yourself in the plot and romance of the show before eventually dragging your tired ass to bed in the hopes of sleeping in tomorrow to make up for staying up late.

Eyes focused on the paused television screen as you moved, you rounded the side of your couch while drawing your steaming mug up to your lips. You sipped at the warm liquid, reveling in it for a moment before you swallowed it down. You could feel it heat you from the inside out as a pleasant sensation washed over you. Your eyes closed briefly for a moment–it was the first time you’d actually felt warm today.

Opening your eyes, you continued towards the couch and began to lower yourself down onto the cushions while trying not to spill any of your tea from the mug. Just as you were about to sit back down on the couch and cocoon yourself in both of your blankets, ready to settle in for more of your show, something outside the window to your right caught your attention. Your head spun in the direction just as a flash of black dashed past the window and a loud bang reverberated through your apartment.

A frightened yelp slipped out of you at the sound and you clutched your mug tight to your chest, your heart thudding heavily in terror. Whatever had just literally dropped onto your fire escape had been large, especially with the sound of that impact. Sucking in a breath, you held it as you stared transfixed at the window, almost ridiculously terrified it would be some sort of wild animal–like a bear or a wolf–on your fire escape.

Though, more realistically considering you were in New York City, you knew it was probably a burglar. Who else would be traversing fire escapes late at night? Especially dressed in all dark clothes? Except…that also seemed a little ridiculous, too. There was a literal blizzard happening outside, meaning everyone would be home. In their apartments. Making it impossible for a burglar to break into anyone’s place unseen. Plus, it was insane outside, what criminal would risk dealing with that right now?

So what the hell had just fallen onto your fire escape?

Another thought struck you soon after and your lips parted in shock at the idea as you blew out the breath you’d been holding. With trembling hands, you very slowly reached out, carefully placing your mug of tea onto the coffee table before you without taking your eyes off of your window. Gradually, almost nervously, you rose to your feet before taking hesitant step after hesitant step forward. Another sharp, surprised gasp flew out of you when you saw the dark figure sit upright on your fire escape, bent in half as if they were in pain. Which made sense, considering the fall they’d just taken.

But your body froze up instantly at the sight of the man dressed in all black bent in half and dusted in white patches of snow. He wasn’t a burglar at all. With the black cloth tied over his head and the form fitting shirt he was wearing, there was absolutely no mistaking who he was. You'd certainly seen enough images of him plastered across the media.

The Devil of Hell’s Kitchen had just fallen onto your fire escape.

Eyes widening in shock at the infamous vigilante attempting to pull himself up to his feet, one of his gloved hands holding onto the metal railing of your fire escape, you were suddenly overcome with the urge to check on him. To make sure he wasn’t seriously injured from that fall.

Without thinking your actions through, you crossed the last few steps to the window and unlatched the locks before pushing it up. The masked figure immediately spun towards you at the sound as a bitter gust of wind burst its way into your apartment, chilling you instantly while those thick snowflakes once again assailed your face. For a moment you locked eyes with him–or at least, it seemed like you did despite the fabric covering half of his face–as your mouth hung open. You suddenly found yourself at a loss of what to say in the moment. And considering the way his lips thinned out along his face and the way he remained silent, he clearly wasn’t going to strike up a conversation with you, either.

Eyes darting down, you saw he had one gloved hand clutching at his right side as if it hurt him. His shoulders were hunched in on himself as his back faced the violent winds blowing snow relentlessly. Seeing him in person for the first time ever–something you’d never expected in your life considering how elusive the media made him out to be–you realized just how thin and unprotective his clothes really were. Especially tonight considering the cold weather. He had to be freezing.

An icy wind whistled loudly, another flurry of heavy snowflakes pelting you right in the face and breaking you from your thoughts. Blinking the snow from your lashes, you finally found your voice.

“Are you alright?” you asked hesitantly, unsure how one should approach the masked man. “I just–just saw you fall. It looked like it hurt.”

He gave a curt shake of his head, wincing before he turned more towards the railing. “I’m fine, don’t worry about me,” he replied.

Something warm flooded your veins at the gravelly tone of his voice. It suited him somehow, even if it sounded fake. Like he was pitching his voice lower to sound like someone else in order to hide his identity. Not that you'd probably have recognized him anyway.

With his back partially to you now, especially this close when there was barely a few feet of space between the pair of you, you could see just how incredibly muscular this man was. His black shirt clung to him like a second skin, the toned abdominal muscles on his upper body clearly visible even from just his profile. Even the pectoral muscles of his chest were well defined and visible beneath the sheen of black. His arms were thick–far too big for just one of your hands to wrap around. And as your gaze lingered lower, you fought back the thoughts that entered your mind at the sight of how large his thighs were in those tight pants–and how pleasant a profile his ass also had. You wondered briefly if he'd gained all that from working out or if it had more to do with his nightly activities.

Though when you saw him grab onto the metal railing of your fire escape with both of his gloved hands, the movement drawing your attention away from observing him as he attempted to swing himself over it, you nearly screamed as you lurched forward. You lived on the fifth floor, was this man really about to fling himself off of the fire escape from all the way up here?

But the scream died in your throat the moment he cried out in pain, his feet slipping from off of the railing as he fell back onto your fire escape. He let out a hiss of pain as he clutched at his clearly injured side.

“Holy shit,” you breathed out, shoving the window open wider despite the cold and snow and leaning further forward. “You’re clearly not okay. Do you need something? An ambulance or something? Is there someone I can call? Or–or something I can do to help?”

The man rolled off his injured side and onto his back, gradually turning towards you as he lay on the fire escape. You hadn’t expected the amused and pained chuckle he emitted while the snow accumulated on the entire front of him, lightly covering the thin layer of his black shirt. Which you’d noticed had ridden up, revealing a small sliver of skin just above the dark, form fitting pants he was wearing. You tried hard to not keep glancing back at that patch of skin as it slowly rose higher and higher, unsure why you were so distracted by it.

The sound of his amusement soon drew you back to the moment and you cringed. Why the hell was he laughing?

“Are you alright? Did you…hit your head?” you asked him cautiously. “Maybe you have a concussion…”

Another amused sound slipped out of him, but that was quickly followed by a pained groan as he tried to once again rise up onto his feet. “I don’t have a concussion,” he assured you.

“You sure?” you asked, an eyebrow arching onto your forehead as you crossed your arms over your chest to stay warm when you began to shiver from the cold. “Because this doesn’t seem like a funny situation to me.”

“Well,” he grunted out, wincing as he drew back up to his full height, “normally I’m the one offering assistance, not the other way around. So yeah,” he continued with a faint shrug, your eyes once again catching the way he was holding his side, “it’s kind of amusing. In an…irritating sort of way.”

Your heart sank to your stomach at his words. “Oh, sorry,” you muttered, heat rushing up to your face instantly. “I didn’t mean to be annoying. I was just concerned–”

He took a half step forward, cutting you off as he waved a hand between the pair of you. He shook his head, letting out a slight huff of laughter. “No, I didn’t mean you were irritating. Just…this situation. The–the snow and the falling part.” In a quieter voice he added, “And having an audience for it.”

Chewing the inside of your cheek, you stood there studying him for a moment. He was injured and wearing barely anything at all in the middle of a blizzard. He looked like he needed help even if he seemed like the type not to ask for it.

“Do you want to come inside?” you blurted, unable to stop yourself. “I mean, to get warm and maybe sit down for a moment? I could call an ambulance or–or a taxi or something to bring you to a hospital.”

Another amused huff of laughter slipped out of him as he shook his head. “No hospitals, please. I’ll be alright. But…if you’re offering, I wouldn’t mind a moment to warm up.” His gloved hand lowered, pinching a bit of fabric from his shirt as he glanced down at it. “Admittedly this doesn’t offer much protection from the elements.”

You eyed the thin material between his gloves doubtfully. “Doesn’t look like it offers much protection from anything,” you told him.

A surprised bark of laughter peeled out of him, the sound drawing a smile onto your face. You’d made the Devil of Hell’s Kitchen laugh. Now that was something you weren’t going to forget anytime soon. He didn’t seem like the type to break character easily.

“You wouldn’t be wrong,” he agreed, his laughter subsiding.

Taking a step back from the window, you waved a hand towards him, gesturing for him to come inside. “How about you come in so I can close this window and we both can stop freezing?” you suggested, surprised at how bold you sounded considering who it was you were speaking with. “I’m shivering already so I can only imagine how cold you must be.”

You watched as his lips curled up into a charming grin at the corners, just beneath the black fabric of his mask. It was impossible to deny that he had a handsome face–at least, from what you could see of it. You imagined the rest of it to be just as attractive beneath that cloth and a sudden intense curiosity to know what the rest of it looked like overtook you as you watched him carefully climb through your opened window. He moved slowly, wincing in pain as he made his way inside. Despite his tough act, that fall must’ve really hurt his side and you frowned, wishing he’d accept your offer to help. There was no way he was as fine as he claimed to be, surely he needed medical attention.

“Takes a special kind of person to just invite me into their home so readily,” the Devil’s rough tone came out as he turned his back to you, shutting the window after himself. “Normally people prefer to avoid me.”

“You’re not dangerous,” you replied almost instantly.

The window closed with a sharp clack before his masked face turned over his snow-dusted shoulder, his attention fixed on you. “Oh?” he asked curiously, a smirk growing over his lips. “I’m not?”

Your eyes were drawn to his mouth, though it wasn’t like there was anywhere else to look when you spoke to him with that mask covering most of his face. The smirk appeared teasing, and for some reason that had the hair on the back of your neck bristling. You suddenly became very aware of the fact that you weren’t wearing a bra beneath your loose sweatshirt and it was now cold in your apartment. Quickly your arms wrapped over your chest, hugging yourself tight. His lips almost seemed to curl ever higher in response.

“I mean, you are ,” you amended, “but to, you know, criminals.”

You swallowed hard when he remained still, gazing at you over his shoulder wordlessly.There was something almost predatory in the way he was studying you. It was easy to see how this lone man terrified the criminals on the streets of Hell’s Kitchen, striking fear into them. He certainly had a presence. Goosebumps rippled beneath the sleeves of your sweatshirt at his continued silent stare.

“Right?” you asked tentatively, voice softer.

His smirk vanished as the other corner of his mouth curled upwards into what felt like a warm smile despite you being unable to see if it reached his eyes. He nodded gently, turning slowly back towards you as he did.

“That's correct,” he agreed, brushing the snow from his broad shoulders. “I’m only dangerous to criminals. So unless you’re hiding any dead bodies or have some outstanding charges…?”

You laughed, though abruptly you snatched your bottom lip between your teeth in an attempt to quiet the noise instantly. He was witty and funny. You weren’t anticipating that. Or the way your reaction to his quips seemed to please him, like he was trying to charm you. Which seemed even more curious, considering who he was and what he spent his nights doing.

“Can't say that I do,” you said. “I'm probably the most boring person in Hell’s Kitchen.”

“Well now,” he replied teasingly, “don't sell yourself short. I'm sure you're not taking that title all by yourself.”

That charming smile was back on his face and it had your stomach fluttering. Tearing your eyes away from him, you noticed the television was still paused on your show. Paused on a scene where the two actors on screen were clearly about to kiss. Cheeks burning, you hurried over and grabbed the remote from the couch and turned it off.

“You can make yourself comfortable if you want,” you told him, trying to keep the embarrassment out of your tone. “I've got a couple of blankets you can use to help warm you up.”

His heavy boots thudded with each of his steps as he crossed the room and made his way to the couch. You bent over, grabbing both blankets from your place on the couch where you'd previously been curled up as he passed behind you. The moment one of his cold gloves brushed against your back, you froze.

“Sorry,” he whispered.

“No it's–it's fine,” you replied.

He passed behind you before settling onto the opposite end of the couch from where you had clearly taken residence. You forced a smile onto your face as you turned and leaned over, holding out the blankets towards him.

Pull yourself together , you internally chastised yourself. Just because it's been a while since you've had a man here doesn't mean you need to react to every little thing. That's not what this is, obviously.

“Thank you,” he said, accepting the blankets from your outstretched hand.

You nodded before sitting back down on the opposite end of the couch, keeping space between you and him. Curling your legs up under yourself, you watched as the Devil wasted no time throwing both blankets around himself, beginning to visibly shiver beneath them as he tried to warm up.

“Are you sure you don't want me to call anyone?” you asked him.

“No one to call,” he answered. “And a hospital would defeat the purpose of trying to remain anonymous.”

“I suppose that makes sense,” you muttered, glancing away and spotting the forgotten tea on your coffee table. “Would you like something to drink at least? Some water or some hot tea, maybe?”

His masked head tilted curiously to the side at your question, a grin returning to his plush lips. “Playing hostess?” he asked.

“Well I'm sure you've got to be thirsty running around Hell’s Kitchen and fighting criminals all the time,” you explained. “I always sort of wondered if you stashed water bottles around the city or stopped for water breaks somewhere–not where you live, I imagine. Since you're trying to keep your identity hidden.” Your eyes narrowed as you added, “Or do you just let yourself get dehydrated every time you're out? Because that's not good for you, you know.”

The Devil's grin grew wider as he shifted on the couch, facing you even more from his place on the cushions. “Oh?” he asked, curiosity in his tone. “You've thought about me before, have you?”

Eyes dropping down to your lap, you smiled sheepishly as you shrugged. “I mean, I've had some theories circulating about you ever since you kept reappearing in the news,” you admitted awkwardly. “Sort of hard not to.”

“Well now you have to indulge me,” he teased. “Enlighten me on some of these theories of yours.”

Tucking a strand of hair behind your ear, you continued to avoid his covered stare. “I mean, they're not that interesting…”

“Oh come on,” he tried again. “It's not like we don't have the time. And maybe I can confirm or deny some of them for you. Besides, I admit I’m curious to know what you think of me. Especially being so willing to offer help like you did.”

Chewing your bottom lip, you glanced up at him from beneath your lashes. He looked far less intimidating beneath your blush pink blanket now. What would it hurt if you told him a few of your ideas about the Devil of Hell’s Kitchen? Maybe he might laugh at them, but would hearing that sound again be all that bad? And it truly would be interesting to learn more about the mysterious vigilante, something you'd probably never have the opportunity to do again.

“Okay,” you agreed with a nod. Straightening up on the couch, you turned to face him more fully. “So I've always thought with the way that you fight that you were trained by some sort of secret ninja assassin organization.”

A hearty chuckle filled your living room at your first theory. The pleasant and resonant noise left you grinning as your stomach fluttered in response. You briefly wondered how often the Devil actually laughed when he was out.

“I cannot confirm nor deny that,” he responded.

The playful smile that kept appearing on his face was beginning to further disarm you. You found yourself enjoying his company, soon becoming used to the way half his face was hidden from sight with that ridiculous fabric. And for some reason your unexplainable attraction to him was only growing.

“Next theory,” he prodded, the smile on his face apparent even in his voice.

“You're not wealthy,” you stated, leaning forward and grabbing your tea from the coffee table.

“Oh, ow,” he joked, playfully recoiling back from you on the couch. “What makes you say that?”

You waved a hand at him across from you as you settled back into the cushions, mug in hand. “Because you wear clothing that is obviously not meant to protect you very well in a fight,” you answered. “I imagine if you had money you'd have something…nicer. Meant for what you do. And,” you continued, pausing long enough to drink down some of your now barely warm tea, aware of him focused on you, “you protect Hell’s Kitchen. Only Hell’s Kitchen. This part of the city isn't exactly filled with the wealthiest people. And with how dedicated you are to everyone here, I assume it's because you probably grew up here yourself. Most likely still reside here, too.”

The Devil hummed appreciatively when you'd quieted, his masked gaze still on you. You swore you could feel it as you drank down more of your tea.

“You're observant,” he mused. “Maybe I need to watch myself around you.”

A surge of pride swelled in your chest; you hadn't expected his praise. Or the way it would make you feel. And apparently, you'd guessed something right about him.

“You're also not married or in a serious relationship,” you blurted before you could help yourself, wondering what more you could learn about him.

“Poor and unlovable?” the Devil asked with a surprised laugh. “That's what you think of me?”

“No,” you disagreed, laughing a little with him as you shook your head. “No, but I mean, I imagine you don't have time for someone else. And I figure most people wouldn’t like their partner going out and doing what you do. Putting yourself in danger.”

“Mmm,” he hummed out, shifting on the couch and making himself more comfortable. “A partner would certainly be…a distraction. A liability. One I couldn't really afford to have. So no, you're not wrong, I don't have one.”

You glanced down at your lap, your fingers fidgeting with the mug in your hands. Half of you was hoping to hear that he wasn't with anyone–though you refused to admit to yourself why that mattered–but the other half of you had heard the way he'd said that a partner would be a distracting liability and you’d felt a sad pang hit you in the chest. Considering how much he seemed to be enjoying your company when he didn't even know you had you guessing that the Devil was a lonely man deep down.

But that wasn't a theory you felt comfortable sharing.

“Any others?” he asked, breaking through your thoughts.

Clearing your throat, you focused back on him across the couch from you. His smile had disappeared, his lips now downturned at the corners just a bit. His posture had changed in your silence, the same as his mood, as if he'd picked up on the subtle change in yours somehow.

Strange.

“I imagine you're the kind of guy who's fridge is always empty,” you answered.

A ghost of a smile reappeared on his face as he huffed out an amused breath. You couldn't fight the smile returning to your own lips at the sight of his again.

“Well hey now,” he countered lightly, “there's usually beer. Sometimes orange juice and eggs.”

You giggled, unable to stop yourself. “Who'd have guessed the Devil of Hell’s Kitchen is just your average bachelor?”

“Average?” he repeated in mock offense, his head tilting to the side. “I'm just average now?”

Quirking a brow at him in a challenging manner, your own head cocked to the side. “Maybe tell me more about yourself and I could say otherwise,” you boldly teased back.

“Well obviously,” he began, grinning at you in a way that had your body heating, “I can't exactly do that now can I? Defeats the purpose–

“Of remaining anonymous,” you finished for him. “I've picked up on the importance of that.”

A silence soon settled between the pair of you, one that slowly began to cause your nerves to grow with the way he kept smiling at you. Once again you desperately found yourself wanting to see the rest of his face, curious to know just how handsome he really was under that black mask. Though you settled for studying what you could see, your eyes tracing the soft curves of his pink lips, noticing the way they very minutely twitched under your scrutiny. Eventually your gaze dropped down, following the hard lines of his stubbled jaw. As your eyes trailed further down, they lingered on the part of his neck that wasn't covered by the blankets he’d wrapped around himself for warmth. A heat burned in you as the urge to reach out and just touch him, just to see if he was real, suddenly grew within you. It didn't help that it almost felt like you could feel the weight of his own eyes fixed on you beneath the mask, once again making you very aware of your lack of bra beneath your sweatshirt.

Catching your lip between your teeth, you noticed the way his throat bobbed with a hard swallow. Had he been having similar thoughts? Observing you, too?

Inhaling a sharp breath through your nose at the idea, you knew you needed to stop this line of thinking and stop it fast. There was absolutely no way the Devil would be interested in you. Certainly not like that. That was absurd.

“Would you like something to eat?” you asked, trying to calm your pulse. “If your fridge is empty all the time I'm guessing you could use something to eat.”

“I mean, I suppose if you’re–”

He stopped short the exact moment that the lights died, throwing the pair of you into almost complete darkness. You sucked in a breath, turning to look out the window just to your right. It was eerily dark outside, a sight that was rare in the city. Even the buildings across the street had been thrown into darkness. There was nothing but the howling wind and snow outside.

“Guess it was too much to hope the power wouldn’t go out in this mess,” you breathed out.

“I suppose so,” he replied, his tone just as soft.

Reaching blindly forward, you set your almost empty mug onto the coffee table before you. For a moment you reached around on the surface until your fingers brushed against your phone. You picked it up and unlocked the screen, grateful for the bit of light it shed in the dark as you turned on the flashlight function.

“So I can’t offer you a nice cooked meal without power,” you told him, rising to your feet, “but I can get you an apple and a couple of protein bars? If you’d…like?”

“You don’t have to, but I’d appreciate it,” he said.

“It’s the least I can do for the man who does so much for the rest of us,” you told him, maneuvering around the couch and navigating your way to the kitchen by the light of your phone. “I’d feel awful leaving you hungry and dehydrated.”

Wrapping one arm around your chest to try to fight the chill that had been steadily creeping into you, you headed towards a cabinet near the sink. Reaching up, you grabbed a glass from out of it before taking a moment to fill it beneath the faucet before setting it along the countertop. Then you plucked an apple out of a fruit bowl on your counter, taking a moment to rinse it off first. The moment you’d turned off the faucet you heard his voice from across the apartment.

“You’re cold.”

For a moment you found it odd how his words hadn’t come out as a question but more of an observation, though you quickly shrugged the strangeness of that aside. You set the apple down on the counter beside the glass of water before sliding a step to your right and opening up another cabinet.

“It’s alright, I’m fine,” you answered, trying to shine the light from your phone into the cabinet to read the labels on the boxes. “I wasn’t the one out in that snowstorm wearing barely anything at all.”

“You say that like I was out there naked.”

His voice had unexpectedly come from just behind you this time and it jolted your heart in your chest instantly. His sudden proximity mixed with his word choice had you startling on the spot. Your hand that had been about to pull the box of protein bars out of the cabinet accidentally bumped it instead, causing the entire box to slip off of the shelf. But before it could tumble to the floor and spill its contents, a black gloved hand darted out beside your face, catching it before it had barely fallen six inches.

You stood there rooted to the spot, his hand just brushing your arm as his held the box of protein bars. The hair on the back of your neck had risen, aware that he was standing barely a foot behind you now. Slowly, you turned over your shoulder to look at him. Your pulse quickened further at how close his face was to yours. He was looking at you, too. Or at least, he was facing you. Eyes dropping down, you couldn’t help but notice that mouth of his again.

“I apologize,” he said, your eyes watching as his lips moved. “I didn’t mean to startle you. Sometimes I forget how quiet I can be. I just wanted to give you one of the blankets. No sense in me using both when you’re cold.”

“Oh,” you whispered, unable to form any other response.

With his attention still on you, he reached up and slid the box back onto the shelf. Then he seemed to take a purposeful step back from you, his lips set in a straight line. You wondered what was going on in his mind right now, because you were sure there had to be something. Had he felt the tension you’d just felt? Or were you just ridiculous and overly hopeful?

And why did it even matter? You were never going to see this man again after tonight anyway.

Blinking a few times, you returned your attention to the shelf. Reaching up, you slid your hand into the box that had nearly taken a nosedive to your kitchen floor and pulled out two protein bars. Keeping your eyes actively focused away from the Devil nearby, you closed the cabinet and slid a step back to your left, grabbing the glass of water in your hand with your phone and the apple in the same hand as the bars. Though before you could turn around, you felt something gently drape over your shoulders. Looking down, you noticed it was the pink blanket he’d been wearing.

“Like I said,” he repeated, “there’s no sense in me using both.”

“Right,” you whispered, pulse pounding in your throat.

Turning on your heel, you stepped past him and made your way back to the living room by the light of your phone. This time you heard the heavy steps of him following after you. You assumed that was intentional.

“So why were you out in this blizzard tonight anyway?” you asked him, making your way around the couch. You hoped having something to talk about would distract you from whatever it was he kept stirring inside of you. “Surely there aren’t a lot of crimes being committed in this weather?”

The Devil let out a light laugh as he accepted the offered glass of water and food from you. One of your brows quirked curiously onto your forehead at his reaction as you sat back down in your original spot on the couch. Though you noticed as he took a large drink from the cup while lowering himself onto the cushions that he’d sat closer to you than before. You watched as he ripped open a protein bar and tore off a large bite next, but he didn't answer until a moment later when he’d swallowed the bite down. Internally you noted he must’ve been hungrier than he let on with the way he was devouring that bar and you’d wished you’d had more food to offer him with the power out.

“You’d be correct,” he told you. “And yet I still stupidly made my way out into this storm tonight in the hopes of catching a lead on something. Instead all I got was my ass frozen and my side bruised.”

You watched as he took another large bite of the protein bar, chewing it almost contemplatively as his head canted to the side. You could still see him in the beam of light from your phone which you were still clutching in your hand. Somehow this lighting made him even more appealing as it cast sharp shadows along his jaw.

“Though I suppose unexpectedly meeting you was a highlight,” he added, causing your cheeks to flush. “But you know, you never did give me your name.”

“Well you never exactly gave me yours,” you immediately quipped back.

Those beautiful lips of his curved upwards yet again as he chewed the last bite of the first protein bar. What you wouldn’t give to see if that smile had reached his eyes.

“Alright, point taken,” he replied.

Tearing your gaze away from him, you focused on your phone. If you kept the flashlight running the battery would die in no time. And who knew how long the power might be out for, you might need it later. You supposed you didn't need it on just for a conversation.

“I’m going to turn the flashlight off on my phone for now, if that's alright?” you told him, fingers darting across the screen to do just that. “Might need the battery on this later.”

“That’s alright,” he replied, sounding as if he was chewing another bite of food. “I don’t need it.”

He’d made the comment just as you’d leaned forward to set your phone back onto the coffee table, but you’d paused as the words processed in your mind. Your eyes narrowed again as your mind raced. Something about the way he’d said that sounded as if it had another meaning to it. But before you could put too much thought into it, he’d changed the topic.

“You’re still cold,” he pointed out. “That blanket alone isn't helping.”

Brows furrowing together as you slowly sat back, you wondered how he could possibly know that. The pair of you were in almost pitch black again with your phone flashlight off. It wasn't like he could see you and you hadn't been shivering, though there were definitely goosebumps dotting your skin. How could he possibly know?

“I’m fine,” you said, pulling the blanket you had on tighter around yourself. “It’s bound to get colder here with the power out now.”

“And with how long you had your window open earlier,” he added. “The temperature is going to drop in here faster than it would have if you hadn’t helped me.”

You sighed, frowning in his general direction. “So much for being able to help you warm up,” you muttered. “Sorry.”

“No need to apologize,” he assured you.

It felt as if he was shifting on the couch nearby. Your brows knitted further together as you tried to make out what he was doing through the dark. All you could see was a faint mass of black that seemed darker than the rest of the blackness. Then moments later you felt a blanket being draped over your lap.

“No, uh uh,” you said, shaking your head and immediately grabbing the blanket. “There’s two blankets, we can clearly share.”

“You’re freezing,” he countered.

“And you’re not cold?” you shot back.

“Doesn’t matter, you’ve already been far kinder than I deserved this evening,” he replied.

You grabbed the blanket in your hands and stubbornly tossed it back in his general direction. An audible sigh sounded through the darkness to your left.

“You know I can just leave, right?” he told you. “Which would leave you with no reason to not use both blankets.”

Your eyes narrowed in the direction of the sound of his voice. “But then you’d be allowing more cold air into my apartment, which would only make the temperature drop faster in here,” you argued back. “Then I'd really be cold.”

He breathed out a laugh and you imagined the smile on his lips at the sound. You smiled triumphantly back at the dark shape of him because you knew you had a good point. Even though really, you could just layer on more clothes.

“Okay,” he relented. “That’s true. So how about…we share?”

The smile on your face quickly disappeared at his suggestion. Mouth dropping open, you felt your heart skip a beat in your chest. It took you a few seconds to regain the ability to respond.

“Share?” you asked.

“Body heat would certainly keep us both warmer,” he answered. “So would sharing two blankets instead of using only one.”

“Oh, uh, well,” you stammered, your mind racing at the thought of your body pressed up against his. “I–I–”

His deep laugh rumbled towards you through the darkness, the sound causing your lips to clamp shut.

“I’m not suggesting anything immoral,” he assured you. “Simply a possible solution to the very real problem of us freezing in here. Unless, of course, you’d prefer me to leave?”

“No!” you exclaimed.

Immediately your eyes widened in horror at how quickly you’d responded to that. And judging by his chuckle, he’d also noticed, too. Your face scrunched up as you mentally scolded yourself for sounding so eager to keep him here in your apartment.

“Well in that case, we could share the blankets and our body heat,” he suggested again. “Because the temperature has definitely dropped a few degrees already and it's only going to continue if the power stays out.”

Nervously your tongue slid out, licking your lips. You were trying hard to control the racing of your heart, positive he could hear it with how hard it was beating now. Of course you weren’t going to pass up a chance to basically cuddle the Devil of Hell’s Kitchen for warmth during a snowstorm. You just needed to find a way to not sound so eager to accept his offer first.

“I suppose you…have a point there,” you said slowly, trying to keep your voice even. “That’s–that’s usually what people do in survival situations. Use their body heat to keep warm.”

An amused huff came from him and you realized he’d scooted even closer to you on the couch. Your breath caught in your throat the moment you felt his thigh bump against yours.

“So are we in agreement with sharing both blankets, then?” he asked.

“That–that appears to be the most logical solution to the problem,” you answered. “So yeah, I guess we…share the blankets.”

Despite the lack of light, the Devil seemed to move with ease and fluidity through the darkness, something you were paying close attention to as he gently sidled his way up against the side of you, managing to wrap both blankets around the pair of you. All the while you’d sat pin straight on the couch, aware that he was flush to your side from your shoulder all the way down to your knee. You clasped your hands in your lap, unsure of where else to place them. Truthfully, you had to admit you were already much warmer like this, with his body heat enveloping you beneath both blankets.

“Am I making you uncomfortable?” he asked, his tone far gentler than it had been all evening. “Because that's not my intention.”

“No,” you answered with a light shake of your head. “You're not.”

He chuckled softly, his body shaking yours slightly with the movement. Your head turned towards him and you wished you could see at least the part of his face that was visible right now.

“Then why are you so tense?” he questioned.

“I'm not tense!” you lied.

He laughed again, this time louder. The movement jostled you somehow further into his side, though your hand flew out and landed flat on his very solid chest as you tried to stop yourself from falling further into him. Your eyes widened in horror yet again, but before you could push yourself away you felt his arm wrapping around your shoulders and allowing you to sink even more into him. Heat was very much creeping up your neck and reaching your cheeks now in embarrassment.

“You're very tense actually,” he teased. “If you're uncomfortable I can move, but we aren't going to be sharing much body heat if you don't actually sit next to me.”

Slowly you removed your hand from his chest, lowering it to your lap. Though with the way you were sitting facing partially towards him now, your knuckles were brushing against his thigh.

“I am not tense,” you grumbled. “And you aren't making me uncomfortable. This is just…awkward. I barely know you and you don't know me.”

“Okay,” he conceded. “How about since you've guessed a few things about me, I think it's only fair you tell me a few things about yourself now.”

“I told you I'm not very interesting,” you reminded him.

“Ah, well,” he replied with a shrug, “I think I'd like to decide that for myself.”

Biting your lip, you turned your burning face and buried it into his shoulder, glad he couldn't see how nervous he'd suddenly made you. It was hard to tell if he was flirting with you or if that was just his vigilante persona–when he wasn't beating people, of course.

With your nose pressed against the fabric of his shirt, you noticed he smelled surprisingly good. There was the hint of his sweat, but there was also a faint clean detergent scent. You closed your eyes and tried to relax, inhaling a deep breath in. Even though he was still a stranger and a vigilante, he seemed kind and safe so far. And he also hadn't thrown you off of himself for getting even closer to him, either. Maybe you should just do what he seemed to be doing: relax and enjoy the unexpected cuddles tonight with an unexpected acquaintance.

“Alright, what do you want to know?” you whispered, eyes still closed as you focused on his scent.

Eyes fluttering open, you felt yourself waking from a deep, comfortable sleep. Though your eyes instantly snapped closed against the bright light that immediately assaulted them. Slowly you blinked them back open, trying to adjust to the surprising sunshine pouring through your living room window. Gradually you began to push yourself upright, realizing you were laying with your head on a couch pillow, both of your blankets snuggly wrapped around you. For a moment your face twisted into a look of confusion as you hesitated, staring down at the two blankets. Why had you been asleep on your couch?

But then flashes of last night came back to you. The masked man falling onto your fire escape. The joking and constant banter between the pair of you. Darkness when the power went out and the feel of his warm, muscular body wrapped around yours as he tried to keep you warm. The scent of clean detergent and his sweat. The feel of his spandex shirt against your fingertips and your cheek as you rested your head against his shoulder.

Had that all really happened? Or had you just fallen asleep on your couch and dreamt it?

Your attention shifted towards your coffee table and your sluggish brain processed the sight of your almost empty mug of tea, left abandoned all night, and an empty glass of water. Pushing yourself the rest of the way upright on the couch, your head turned over your shoulder. The lock on your living room window was undone.

The Devil of Hell’s Kitchen really had been in your apartment last night. Which meant the pair of you really had cuddled together for warmth when your power had gone out. And you really did meet him. At least, somewhat.

“Oh my God,” you breathed out in awe. “He was really here.”

But just as the rush of excitement at meeting someone you’d always secretly admired filled you, it quickly vanished. Because you must have fallen asleep on him sometime last night when the pair of you were talking, and then he must’ve slipped out of your apartment before the sun came up, probably when the power had come back on. Which made sense, considering he wouldn’t want to be seen sneaking back to his own apartment in such a conspicuous outfit.

But what was upsetting you was the growing realization that it wasn’t just the first time you’d met him, but it would most likely be the last. And you’d gone and fallen asleep through part of that meeting.

Stupid stupid stupid.

#matt murdock x reader #matt murdock fluff #matt murdock x you #matt murdock series #matt murdock #daredevil

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rhys-writes-some-shit · 6 months

Text

Prompt: "Any time away from you is far too long."

Alastor x Reader (Queer-Platonic)

No matter how much Alastor tried to persuade you, you refused to quit your job to take up a position at the hotel. Under the terms of your contract, you knew he had the power to force you to do as he asked, but he had yet to. You weren't sure if it was because he was biding his time or if he simply didn't want to, but you weren't going to ask.

You worked as a secretary for a small-time porn studio, your work mostly consisting of doing paperwork and writing spreadsheets. It wasn't much different than what you did when you were alive, which was why you stuck with the position for so long. Plus, it was a lot better than other jobs in Pride, if you excluded the fact that Valentino was always trying to take the studio over.

Very rarely did the studio ever ask you to do anything more than your job description. However, there was one time you were asked to make a trip outside of Pentagram City to pick up a lost package. No one else was available, and you'd had some free time on your hands. Without much argument, you agreed to get the package. That was the easy part. The hard part was getting Alastor to let you leave Pentagram City.

"Seriously, Al, I'll be fine," you insisted, pulling on a jacket. "It's just a quick drive over to Imp City, it's not that far."

Alastor's smile was becoming forced. "They can get someone else to do it. You don't have to leave."

"I already agreed to it." You buttoned up your jacket and brushed it off. "I promise, you won't even notice I'm missing."

There was a tense silence for a full minute before finally, eyes narrowed, Alastor stiffly conceded. "I'll hold you to that." He placed a gentle hand on your shoulder. "Be safe, darling."

If it had been any other context, Alastor telling you to be safe would've been sweet, but you could tell from his tone and the way he was gritting his teeth that it was a threat. To both you and anyone who tried to hurt you. If you didn't come back safe, he'd never let you leave the city without him again. And if someone hurt you... they would never be seen again.

Fortunately, the package pickup was quick and simple. The only eventful thing that happened was you having to take a small detour to avoid a shootout. The imps who'd held the package were nice, and your boss had stayed late to make sure you and the package were safely returned.

"Just a heads up, I don't know if my partner will ever let me do anything like that again," you warned your boss lightheartedly, chuckling a little. You never told them who exactly your partner was, but it was known throughout the studio that they were possessive and dangerous.

"Well, hopefully you won't have to," your boss remarked, obviously annoyed at the situation. "Thank you again, though. Let me know how much gas was so I can add it to your paycheck."

"Of course." After saying a quick goodbye, you ducked out the door to return to the hotel.

Alastor was waiting for you in the lobby. As soon as you walked in, he was at your side, taking your jacket off for you.

"I noticed," his voice was tense. He walked alongside you as you traveled up to your room.

"Figured you would," you shrugged, unsurprised, but grinning lightly anyway. "How long was I out of the city?"

"24 minutes and 17 seconds." Alastor's shadow quickly dashed ahead, opening and holding the door to your room open. You stopped right outside of it, looking up at Al's bright eyes.

"Not too long. Could've been longer." Taking your jacket back, you already started thinking of how nice it'll be to change out of your clothes. You'd put on something different for dinner, but after that, it was t-shirts and sweatpants, no matter what Alastor said.

A hand ran down your back, pulling you into his chest. He inhaled deeply, resting his cheek on the top of your head. "Any time away from you is far too long."

Your smile became soft and content, as you leaned deeper into Alastor's hug. He didn't usually hug you, so you were going to savor it. If he ended up hugging you every time you left the city, you might end up leaving more often...

#hazbin hotel #alastor #alastor the radio demon #hazbin hotel fanfiction #alastor x reader #rhys-writes #alastor x reader queerplatonic

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hischierswhore · 1 month

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eternal pining | jack hughes

pairing: childhood bff!reader x jack hughes

warnings: major angst // unrequited pining // slight cursing // probably other stuff that i missed

author’s note: this might be the longest fic i’ve ever written??? anyways i’m backkkk and hopefully i’ll start being consistent soon. i have so much planned and this has been in the works for quite a while now.

You were sitting on the couch at the Hughes lake house as you discussed your plans for the day. Well, more like you were listening to Ellen & Jim as they told you that they would be leaving on a trip for a few days and Jack was just there. He was on his phone, typing aggressively like the world would end if he didn’t finish whatever he was typing.

A sigh left Ellen’s lips when she realized that her middle child wasn’t even paying attention to what she was saying. You looked at Luke & Quinn, who both also saw that he was just not focusing. Quinn extended his arm to hit Jack’s knee in attempt to get his attention.

You said bye to Ellen & Jim, wishing them a safe trip before helping them carry their bags to their car. As you made your way back inside, you plopped right back into the same spot you were in before.

Moments passed and you turned your phone off, sparking conversation with Quinn & Luke about what the groups plans were for today.

“What do you guys wanna do?” You asked, hoping someone would come up with something fun.

“Boat day?” Luke suggested and you nodded in agreement.

“Are you gonna join us, Jack?” you questioned as you turned around to look at your best friend. His eyes didn’t shift from the device in his hands, causing you to roll your eyes.

You were annoyed, so you moved off the couch and walked to your room to change into your swimsuit.

"Where are you guys going?" Jack asked as you, Quinn & Luke walked towards the deck, his phone now off and on the couch.

"Boat day. We were talking about it but you were too indulged in your phone to even contribute to the conversation" Quinn stated as Jack's mouth formed an 'o' shape.

"Are you joining us or not?" Luke asked, waiting for his brother to respond so he could finally get some sun.

“Oh uh yeah. I'll join y'all. Just give me a few to change" He hopped up from his spot on the couch and went to his room to change while you made your way outside, the other Hughes brothers following.

10 minutes passed and Jack had not yet come outside. You were all getting rather impatient and annoyed with the boy.

"Can we just go without him?" Luke sighed, beyond frustrated with his brother. Just as he said that, the boy trotted out of the house and down the dock to where you all sat. You all immediately noticed his lack of swim trunks and rather a button-down shirt & some jeans.

"Hey guys. Sorry to bail on you all but I've got a date in like-" He looks down at his phone for a moment to check the time. "20 minutes so I've gotta get going. See you all later" Jack waved as he hugged everyone goodbye.

Your heart shattered the moment you heard "a date". You had been hopelessly in love with your best friend since you were kids. You'd known the Hughes brothers since you were 6, and you'd all been inseparable since day 1.

The ever-growing crush you had on Jack was evident to everyone around you except for him. Quinn and Luke would relentlessly tease you when you three were together. Hell, even Trevor and Nico would join in on the teasing whenever you saw them.

You faked a smile at his words, hoping he couldn’t see the tears welling in your eyes. You looked around at Quinn and Luke, who had already been looking in your direction, knowing damn well what you were thinking.

"Have fun, J. See you later" You said as you looked down, seeing as your mood had now been more ruined than it was before and you didn't want to deal with all your emotions, or rather the cause of these emotions, right now. You knew that if you made eye-contact with the boy, you would have a breakdown.

Jack jogs back up to the house and shuts the patio door, leaving you and the two other Hughes brothers on the boat for the day.

2 pairs of eyes immediately found your figure as you curled into a ball on the couch and let it all out. Both boys immediately came to your side for comfort, knowing how difficult this must be for you.

Luke rubbed your back as you sobbed while Quinn held you in his arms, holding you ever so carefully.

Hours passed before you all decided to head inside.

“I’m gonna head up to my room. If he asks, I'm out. I don't want to talk to him right now" You told the remaining brothers before going into your room and locking yourself away.

— later —

Jack arrived back at the lake house.

“Hey, where’s Y/n?” He asked as he wandered into the living room, noticing his brothers sitting on the couch watching a movie but you were nowhere in sight.

“She went out” Quinn simply said, not feeling the need to give his younger brother details.

"Out? What do you mean she went out?"

"She's not here, Jack. She wanted to go out so she did" Luke shrugged, trying to focus his attention back on the movie.

"And you both let her go by herself?!" Jack was practically shouting.

"She's 22 years old, Jack. She can make her own decisions" Quinn paused the movie to turn his attention to his brother. Jack let out a huff and sat next to his brothers to watch whatever movie they had put on, still ever so slightly upset that you had gone out without him.

20 minutes had passed since that initial exchange when Luke's phone got a notification. He glanced down at it and immediately got up and excused himself to the kitchen with a simple "I'll be back".

“What’s up with him?” Jack whispered to Quinn, who shrugged and paid no mind to his brother's curiosity. Moments later, Luke emerged from the kitchen and raced upstairs quickly.

You had texted Luke asking him to bring you some medication for the growing migraine you had from crying nonstop. He quietly knocked on the door to avoid attracting Jack's attention. You slowly unlocked the door and let the boy in as he handed you the pills and a bottle of water.

"You good?" He asked as you had a hand on your forehead and your eyes were red & puffy.

"I'll be fi-" The words got lost in your throat as you heard footsteps ascending the stairs and you saw the one person you did not want to see: Jack.

You muttered "shit" as you tried to hide behind Luke's tall frame, which was to no avail.

"Y/n? What're you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be out?" Jack asked as he made his way to your doorway.

"I uhh, came back early. Didn't feel too great" You lied through your teeth.

"How'd you come in? And when did you even come in?" Jack questioned you as he leaned against the door frame.

"Came in through the back door. Didn't wanna make too much noise to interrupt the movie" You slowly tried to push your door closed, but Jack was blocking the way.

Luke was stood there, watching the encounter unfold.

"Oh what's that Quinn? We need more popcorn? I'll grab some" He shouted down the stairs to remove himself from the extremely tense conversation he was witnessing.

“What’s wrong?” Jack's voice was low as he slowly pushed the door open and grabbed your hand.

“I’m fine, Jack. I just don’t feel good” You were on the verge of tears as you pulled yourself out of his hold.

“You look like you've been crying, Y/n/n... did someone say something to you?" Jack's anger slowly increasing at the thought of someone hurting your feelings.

"Nobody said anything. More so what you did. But I'll be fine, I'll get over it" Thankfully, he had back up enough to give you space to close the door, and his reflexes weren't fast enough to grab the door handle before you shut and locked it, leaving him on the other side of the door.

Your words left Jack extremely confused. More so what you did. What in the hell did he even do?

Once you had locked the door, you slid down the back of it as more tears spilled freely onto your cheeks. Why did you have to fall for your best friend?

Jack stomped down the stairs, confusion & frustration written all over his face as he threw himself onto the couch.

“What the hell did I even do?” He screamed into one of the cushions. Quinn & Luke exchange a look before ultimately deciding to tell him bits of the truth.

“You went on that date” Luke said quietly, praying that Jack has heard him the first time so he wouldn’t have to repeat himself. Fortunately for Luke, Jack lifted his head up as soon as the words left his mouth.

“What does that have to do with anything?” Jack was more confused than before. He didn’t understand what was going on.

“How is it that we all see it except for you, dude? She’s in love with you. She’s been in love with you for years now, and you’ve never once noticed or acknowledged her feelings. It’s evident to everyone in our lives except for you. You leaving on that date today made her feel like shit” Quinn spoke.

“Well, it made her feel more like shit than she already did before. You neglected her all morning because you were on your phone and then when we all agreed to go on the boat, you bailed on us and she felt more forgotten than ever before” Luke added onto Quinn’s speech.

Jack sat there in shock. There’s no way that you, his best friend of 16 years, were in love with him. He couldn’t fathom the thought, but slowly the realization sank in and now he felt horrible for his behavior. He didn’t mean to hurt you. He never knew.

He didn’t say anything before he raced up the stairs and knocked on your door but received no response.

“Y/n please let me in. I want to talk to you. Please hear me out” Jack pleaded as he rested his ear against the door, listening closely in hopes of hearing movement on the other side.

Silence. All that could be heard was the sound of the fan circulating air throughout the room.

Quinn & Luke had followed him up the stairs and watched as Jack slowly fell to his knees infront of your door. They’d never seen him like this before.

“J, she needs some space right now. Let her get some rest and talk to her in the morning. It’s the least she deserves” Luke suggested as he placed his hand on his brother’s shoulder.

— the next morning —

You woke up to a massive migraine, probably from all the crying you did last night. You felt uneasy as you stood from your bed and made your way to the connected bathroom.

You knew you’d have to see him again. You couldn’t avoid him, hell it was his house.

You braced yourself for the day as you washed your face and changed into something more comfortable before heading downstairs for breakfast.

You overheard a conversation taking place as you silently made your way down the stairs, in hopes of not alerting anyone of your presence quite yet.

Just as you turned the corner and entered the kitchen, silence filled the room. You chose to not acknowledge it, just as Jack had not acknowledged your feelings for him.

You felt multiple pairs of eyes on you as you grabbed yourself a bowl to pour some cereal. You slowly carried your bowl to the dining room, where everyone was seated.

It was only then that you had noticed the extra eyes staring at you. Seated at the table included Quinn, Luke, Jack, Trevor, Cole & Nico. The latter 3 must’ve flown in early in the morning because they weren’t here last night when everything happened.

You softly wave at the 3 boys before placing your bowl on the table.

“Morning” you quietly said as you sat on the bench between Quinn & Luke, which was ironically as far away from Jack as possible.

Small talk is made and you barely speak unless you’re spoken to. You quietly converse with everyone except for the middle Hughes brother. He hasn’t said a single thing to you this morning except for stare at you occasionally when he thought you didn’t notice. Of course you did, you always noticed.

Breakfast finished & you kindly collected everyone’s dishes and headed towards the kitchen to clean them.

You stood infront of the sink on your own for about 5 minutes when you felt a presence behind you.

“Can we talk?” You knew that notice all too well. You placed the plate in the sink as you turned around slowly, resting the plane of your hands on the edge of the counter.

You took in his appearance for the first time since he left for his date yesterday afternoon. His eyes were swollen, much like yours, and his hands were fidgeting at the back of his neck.

“Sure” You simply spoke, not wanting to be the one to bring up the elephant in the room. Jack cleared his throat before he spoke.

“Could we maybe go outside? I’ll get Luke to do the dishes or something so we can talk in private” He suggested as you nodded your head.

Jack led the way to the backyard before holding the door open with a simple “After you”.

You sat on the couch next to the fire pit, leaving Jack to sit next to you.

You sat in silence for a moment, enjoying the calming breeze the morning had brought. That peace was interrupted when Jack cleared his throat and turned to face you.

“I want to start with an apology. I genuinely had no idea that you even felt neglected yesterday. I was a shit friend and I shouldn’t have ditched you for someone else. I know I messed up. And I’m sorry that it’s taken me til now to realize how you feel towards me. All this time I thought it was just you being friendly, I never knew you liked me. I was so confused by what you meant yesterday that the realization didn’t click until Luke & Quinn said it. I couldn’t believe the fact that I had been the one to hurt you and I will forever be sorry for that”

Jack looked into your eyes, and he swears he could see your heart shatter into a million pieces at every word. God, how he wishes he wasn’t the reason behind it.

“I’ve been in love with you since we were 6, Jack. I’ve spent years pining after you, only to watch you pine after every other girl on this planet. This summer was different though. You paid no mind to other girls and you treated me like I was yours, and I stupidly believed that things would change between us. That was until yesterday. You act all lovey with me one second and then suddenly I’m nonexistent the next” You watched the frown grow on his face as you spoke.

“I’ve never been in a relationship because I’ve been holding out hope for you, Jack. Hope for you to finally come to your senses and see that I’ve been here waiting for you this whole time, stupidly thinking that my chance will come” Jack stayed quiet as you let it all out.

“I’m in love with you, Jack. I have been for the longest time and I really shouldn’t be” You cried into the hands as he stared at you in silence.

“Y/n/n…” Jack was at a loss for words. He didn’t know you felt that strongly about him, or that you watched everything unfold from the sidelines of his life.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you, Y/n/n”

“It’s okay, Jack. I’ll be fine, I’ll get over it. I just don’t know if I handle anymore heartbreak” You sobbed as Jack brought you into his embrace, holding you in his arms.

Despite you feeling this hurricane of emotions, his arms still felt like home to you. He felt like home.

“I hope I’m not too late” He whispered softly, causing you to remove yourself from is hold, a look of confusion spread across your face.

“Huh?” You sniffled as you wiped your nose.

“I’ve been in love with you from the moment I met you. Not even, the second I saw you holding that little bear of yours as you walked into your new house, I knew you were someone special. Someone who would be the only consistent person in my life besides my family. I always thought you saw me as a friend and never anything more, hence all the failed relationships. I’ve tried to get over you so much since I thought you’d never return the feeling. I looked for you in other girls, but none of them were you, so they never lasted. You have been the only person I have truly wanted since we were 6, Y/n/n. I now know that you’ve felt the same this entire time, and I have somehow misread everything for 16 years. The timing of this is horrible and I’m afraid I may be too late, but please know I do love you, Y/n/n. I always have & I always will” Jack confessed as he held your hand in his.

You searched his eyes for some sign of this being a sick and twisted joke, a prank that would forever haunt you and ultimately be the end of your friendship with the boy.

But you found none of that. You found love & hope & sadness. He hoped that the love he had for you was enough to fill the hole of sadness that he had accidentally burned into your heart. He hoped that you would forgive him and give him a chance to redeem himself.

A shy smile appeared on your face before you removed your hands from his to wipe the tears on your face, and the tears that were slowly trickling down his.

“I love you too, J. You’ll always have a chance” A goofy smile took over your face as the boy brought you into a tight hug, holding you there for what felt like an eternity.

After who know how long, he finally pulled away and let you breathe.

“I’m so happy right now that I could kiss you, but I won’t solely because we just made up and I’m not trying to ruin my chances & lose you again”

“Oh shut up” You placed both hands on the sides of his face & pulled him for a kiss.

The world felt like it had stopped but like it was also spinning simultaneously. The butterflies you got in your stomach when his lips touched yours felt heavenly.

Jack, who was a little taken aback by the kiss, immediately kissed you back once he realized what was happening. One of his hands found its way to your face and the other at your hip.

You wish you could live in this moment forever, and you genuinely believed you could, that is until you heard cheering coming from behind you. You both pulled apart to see Quinn, Luke, Cole, Trevor & Nico all cheering from the patio.

“THEY FINALLY DID IT!!!” Trevor shouted as he jumped up and down.

“Hurt her again, Hughes & you’re gonna regret it” Nico said before making his way back inside the house. You looked back to Jack to see him gently caressing the back of your hand.

“Wouldn’t even think about it” he smiled as he pressed a kiss to your temples, holding you closer than ever before.

#✎ natalie writes #jack hughes #jack hughes fluff #jack hughes angst #jack hughes imagine #jack hughes fanfiction #jack hughes x you #jack hughes x y/n #jack hughes x reader

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youreobsessedwithtoomanyfandoms · 6 months

Text

Love Thorns All Over This Rose

Words: 2577

Warnings: angst, talks of a miscarriage, body image, talks of difficulty staying pregnant, mention of what is technically a still-birth, depression, suicidal thoughts, self-medicating, accidental suicide attempt (this is will make sense if you read it), probably poor writing and OOC characters but whatever

DC Masterlist Main Masterlist Join My Taglist

IF THERE IS A WANT FOR A PART 2, I WILL DO ONE, IF NOT, THEN THIS STAYS AS A ONE-SHOT!

I mention Y/N goes to a church to pray, it is described more as a Christian or Catholic one (I really don't know the difference and I apologize) as she lights a candle before she prays. If you wish to skip that part, it starts with "Y/N hurried up the steps of the Cathedral." and ends with "Y/N nodded silently before turning and walking out.". I do also mention that the reader themselves aren't very religious (but grew up with it so reverted back to old practices to see if it helped)

Alfred is also dead in this (don't ask why he just is) so that's why he isn't here!

The POV here isn't really consistent. It jumps between being with the Batkids, Bruce, and Y/N's. I tried to make it flow though so hopefully that works!

I feel like I should mention:

Bruce and Y/N's ages don't matter (I'm not in the mood to deal with that) but; Dick is 31 (and married to Kori but that's not too important), Jason is 25, Tim is 22, Damian is 15, Cass is 24, and Steph is 23

I also am not too familiar with Duke, so that is why he isn't there much. Mostly just mentioned

Anywho, enjoy

Love Z <3

7:25 AM

The kids watched as Y/N was silent as she put the plate down in front of Bruce's empty seat. They all noted how fake her smile looked as she looked up at them. "Alright, I will see you kids later!"

They all watched as she walked out of the dining room and once they knew she was out of earshot, they started talking.

"Did she eat anything?"

It was Jason, he had been the last down (well...outside of Tim) so he only saw her putting the plates down and ushering them to eat.

Dick shook his head, he had seen her the entire time she made breakfast. Fully clothed, which was unusual as she usually just made breakfast in her pajamas with her hair occasionally brushed. But not today. Today her hair was done, makeup was on, she was dressed as if she was working.

But everyone in that house knew she was still off after what happened, even though it had been 3 months since the incident.

Damian flicked at his food, "Ummi was supposed to take me to school today."

Dick smiled at Damian, "I can, Dami. Mom is just...preoccupied."

Damian hmphed and continued to play with his food. Dick was concerned for his younger brother. He knew that while he himself was close with the woman he had allowed to become his mother, Damian was so much more as she was really the only person who never got mad at him or made fun of him when he didn't understand something.

Jason abruptly stood, "Since mom isn't here, I'm just gonna go."

Dick raised a brow, "Really Jason? You're just gonna leave after--"

"Hey, we've been over this before Dick. I come because mom asks me to." He shrugged as he put his jacket on, "Plus, I'm going to follow her."

Stephanie snorted, "She'll kill you when she catches you."

"If she catches me. If."

Steph hummed, "My bets are on she will. Y/N is always on the lookout, especially after..." She faded and looked down, regret piling up inside her as she thought of what she was about to say.

"Either way, tell us what you find Jason."

He nodded to Dick's request before heading out the side door in the kitchen. Dick tapped his hand on the table for a minute before speaking; "I'm gonna go check on dad, Damian go get everything ready and I'll meet you at the entryway, alright?"

The eldest stood, placing a gentle hand on the youngest shoulder before heading to the stairs. Dick was concerned. He had never seen his mother so...shut off. Pretending like everything was alright even though everyone who saw her could tell that she was so close to jumping off of a bridge.

The closest that he had seen her to this was back when Jason died and she broke up with Bruce. But even then, she didn't avoid things that she had already planned. Even then, she stayed committed to things.

Plus, Dick knew she had no plans today. Well...no plans except for the fact that beforehand this would have been her due date. And he knew that that was most likely what had off-set her so badly.

Dick didn't even knock before opening the door to Bruce's study. He was even speaking before his father even looked up from his computer. "Have you talked to mom?"

Bruce raised a brow, "What?"

"Mom." Dick crossed his arms, "When was the last time you and her had a real conversation?"

Bruce shrugged, "I'm not sure." He looked at Dick oddly, "What are you going on about?"

Dick let out a hard sigh, "You two are married, it is your job to take care of her. Goddammit Bruce!" He threw his hands up in anger, "You know what? Nevermind, I'm not...I'm not even going to try."

He angrily turned and walked out of the room. He didn't even understand why he even thought that talking to Bruce would help. He just walked down the stairs and remembered his promise to get Damian to school. Trying to hide the anxiety he had that he didn't know what exactly his mom was doing.

--------

9:09 AM

Jason watched Y/N walk out of the convenience store all the way in Blüdhaven. From where he was, he couldn't see what she had bought, but the moment he saw her go into the store, he had messaged Tim to watch her bank account. To watch what she was purchasing. Something felt...off as he watched her.

Jason knew that after the...accident, Y/N had been hard to reach. To talk to. He knew that she and Bruce hadn't been sleeping in the same bed since that argument he had accidently heard them having around 3 weeks after everything happened. So 4 weeks ago.

Granted...from what he had heard, it wasn't even a fight that they had had. Mostly just words being thrown at the other. Words that Jason never thought that he would hear either one say to the other. Words that he never told any of his siblings that he heard. All out of fear that one of them would panic. And while sure, he had a disdain for Tim and Damian, that didn't mean he would ever let either of them know what he had heard.

Jason wasn't sure how long he had been watching her just sit in the car before Tim finally texted him a list of what Y/N had bought in the past week. And considering Jason had seen her previous bank records for a week, it was a sure red mark with how short it was.

Tim

In the past week she's gotten a lot of sleeping pills. That's basically all that she has gotten. That plus energy and pain pills. Duke is thinking she's self-medicating again

Jason sighed as he pocketed his phone when he saw his mom driving out of the parking lot. He kept a safe distance behind her as he followed her on her drive back to Gotham.

--------

12:15 PM

Y/N hurried up the steps of the Cathedral. Trying not to make a misstep and fall as well as trying not to draw attention to herself. She closed the umbrella over her head as she walked in. Placing it in the small holder, she brushed the front of her outfit as her heels clicked on the ground when she walked down the long hall.

Last time she was there was for her mothers funeral last year. Last time she had walked up and grabbed the larger candle to dip down and light the smaller one. Her heart pounded in her chest as she kneeled, words swimming through her head and mumbling off her lips.

She herself was never very religious, but having grown up that way, she wondered if praying like she did as a child would work. Praying that things would get better and that she would get better.

She shakily did the cross on her before standing and wiping the tears that had silently fallen away from her cheeks. She turned and started to make her way out of the church when she heard a voice call out her name:

"Mrs. Wayne! We were not expecting you here today, is everything alright?"

Y/N slowly turned to face one of the Nuns, a small, fake, smile on her face. "Oh yes, everything is alright Sister. Just came here to pray for a moment. I haven't in such a long time."

The nun nodded, "Very well, I hope the Good Lord hears your prayer and makes it happen."

Y/N nodded silently before turning and walking out. She grabbed her umbrella before opening the door and walking out. She practically ran back to her car, wanting to get in before anyone saw her out.

But Cass and Steph did. They watched her speed back to her car as they sat in the cafe across the way. Stephanie shook her head, "She never goes there. Especially not since her mothers deaths."

Cass nodded as Steph continued; "Something is seriously going on with Y/N. Maybe something else has happened that we don't know."

"She's been deteriorating for the past 4 weeks."

Steph raised a bow and inquired, "4 weeks?" Cass nodded, "Huh...weird, that's around a week after she came home from the hospital." She grabbed her phone and started typing in the groupchat that only held the kids (Damian not included):

Steph

when did Bruce disappear for a few days after Y/N came home?"

It didn't take long for Tim to respond

logs say he left 35 hours after she got home and came back 83 hours later why?

Cass

She's been slowly getting worse sense then

Jason

I overheard them arguing around 3 weeks after everything happened and I know they haven't been sleeping in the same room since then. And I'm not sure how important this is; but Tim checked her bank account and she bought different pills so me, him, and Duke think she's medicating again. Or that she's going to start again.

Cass and Steph looked at each other, concern and worry was on their faces as they read Jason's last message. Something started unnerving them as they thought of the things she could possibly do if she was going to start medicating again.

----

3:25 PM

Y/N looked at her body in the mirror. Her hands came to lay on her stomach. Just like she did before. Tears brimmed in her eyes as she stared at her flatter stomach. She breathed shakily as her hands fell down to her sides.

Why?

Was all she ever asked.

Why me? Why did this happen to me?

She was so confused. She had always been good. Done everything to be a good person. But yet she still had that happen to her. Was she just not meant to be a mother?

Of course...she was one. She was a mother to 4 amazing boys and 1 beautiful girl. But still...it was different. Yes, those 5 children were hers, but that one. That singular one that she had carried for nearly 7 months had meant so much to her. Especially after being told time and time again it wouldn't happen.

It wasn't even the first time it had happened. She had had miscarriages before...but that wasn't what it was this time. The kidnapping. Bruce and the kids had found her after 2 days. The emergency c-section to save the baby.

But she knew. Of course she knew. She knew it had died.

Her baby girl. She had died before she even got the chance to live.

Y/N shakily breathed as she grabbed one of the bottles from the counter. She had thought it was the pain medication. But it hadn't been.

Sleeping meds.

Ever since it happened she had hardly been able to sleep. Nightmares of what happened still plagued her mind. Bruce yelling at her still echoed in her brain. Those...twisted words he said echoed inside of her.

She had popped a few in her mouth before dry-swallowing them and getting into the bath she had started earlier. The hot water felt like it was searing her skin, but she didn't care. She wondered if maybe she did this enough, whoever was above would forgive her of her sins and let her keep a pregnancy.

She wasn't sure how long she had stayed in the water before it became difficult to keep her head above water. Her body just felt so heavy. She wondered what pain meds she had grabbed at the store. She couldn’t remember them making her feel this way before. After a few moments of struggling to keep her head up, she felt her body sink down and under the water. But even as she felt water rush into her nose and fill her lungs, she couldn't bring herself to move and get out.

She just accepted her fate.

----

3:30 PM

Bruce sat in his office, a bad feeling settling in his stomach. Something was telling him to check on Y/N. See if she was alright. He knew she had returned around 20 minutes ago, the security cameras had caught her walking in.

He carefully stood from his desk and walked out of his office. He walked down the oddly quiet halls of the manor. A small feeling of pain and guilt started to eat at him as he got closer to the guest room she had been staying in. He knew she was struggling. He knew that she needed him today. But he just...couldn't.

He was selfish. He knew this.

He knew he was so goddamn selfish. Caring about his own feelings rather than helping his wife. She had been the one to physically go through everything. She had been the one to bear that trauma.

He had been so incredibly selfish since she had come home from the hospital. He had even begun to wonder why she even stayed in the manor.

But as he opened the door to the guest room, unrest settled inside him as he saw she wasn't there but the bathroom door was open. It was silent. He had known his wife long enough to know she never was silent in the bathroom. She almost always had music playing.

He pushed the bedroom door further open as he walked further in. Anxiety started to reach a breaking point as he walked into the bathroom.

And time felt like it moved in slow-motion as he saw her state. Her knees bent out of the water, her head under. He saw the three bottles of pills on the counter. He saw the open one read sleep on them. He ran over to the tub, grabbing under her arms and pulling her out.

He bent down, trying to listen for a heartbeat. He felt like his own heart stopped as he heard nothing. Not even a faint thump of one. He quickly moved to her side and started CPR.

Everything still felt like it was moving slower than it was as he pushed down on her sternum. Tears gathered in his eyes as he repeatedly slammed down onto her. As he breathed into her mouth. He didn't stop. He couldn't stop.

It felt like an eternity had passed by the time he finally had gotten the CPR to work. She began to cough profusely, water spluttering everywhere. He sobbed as he heard her shallow breaths break through the air.

He heard the noise of Dick's voice breaking. "Mom?"

He looked at him, seeing both him and Damian staring at the scene in front of them. Staring as their father held their mother in his arms. As tears fell from his eyes, he pleaded for them to call 911.

It was with shaky hands that Dick did it. His words sounded choked back, he kept stuttering. Trying to say what he was supposed to but his mind was running at a million miles and and half a mile a second at the same time. Everything felt fuzzy and he had no idea what he was supposed to do. All that he knew was that he walked in on his dad doing CPR on his mom.

That was all he knew.

That was all Dick knew.

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savnofilter · 3 months

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Fight For It | dabi/t. touya

Fantasy AU!Dabi x Bounty Hunter![FEM]Reader

WARNING(S): sexual content, dragon hybrid!dabi, reader’s intentions for “hunting” is nothing but dubious, ego friendly fire, predator vs. prey trope, power play, barely any plot (pwp), anal, double penetration, spanking, corruption kink (?), outdoors sex, strangers -> ?.

COUNT: 4.6k words (40 mins.)

READ MORE: masterlist + [adults masterlists]

A/N: this was originally supposed to be for another character but it very much suited Dabi instead. if you can guess who this was originally for, i'll write you sum neet. 🌚 anywhom, i loveddd writing this. i had to do a lot of work shops as this has been in the vault for years, so hopefully it's readable now LOL. 😭 hope you guys enjoy!

You check your sides and pockets ensuring that everything is ready for your travel.

This time around, dragon shifters were out and about looking for mates which meant this was the perfect time to capture one. You let out an excited breath as you pull on your boots and make your way outside of your home.

As you pass by the people in your town, you are frequently greeted due to your known status in the town. Most people jumped at the chance to have a conversation with you as there was no guarantee the next time they could. However as you got closer to the edge of the woods, the greetings slowed to a halt as the count of people started to wither out, most people avoiding the edges of the village near the forest-filled mountains. You adjust the final strap on your bag as the destination you were looking for comes into view.

Keeping an eye out for any signs of dragon shifter life, you look around the sparse but large trees that decorate the place. Many bushes, trees, and even small ponds adorned the scenery. If you happen to look close enough you could find flowers almost everywhere accompanying the organisms. Dirt and soil were also as common to come across, more so than grass in the dense part of the forest. Despite that, you continue on your quest to obtain your own little dragon. Your eyes light up as you near the bottom of the mountains and see a bigger-than-usual footstep on the floor. As if you are in no rush, you pause for a moment to squat down and pinch the dirt, fingers thumbing the soil between your forefinger and thumb before dusting it off on your pants.

One is near.

The footprint imprinted into the ground was still very fresh, the consistency too easy to grab and toy with. Surveying the scene your eyes try to find any change within the area, the need for staying on your p’s and q’s is greater than ever. You were trying to gauge what your next move should be and your indecisiveness slowing you down. You chew the inside of your lip as you start to survey the scene one last time before choosing to continue on your journey for the beast you were searching for.

Thankfully, the hybrid you were trying to find had left its footprints freely, but his marking already too cocky for your liking. Amid your busy thinking, you hear scurrying in the distance, the sound quick and heavy. You immediately whip your head around to the sound of the commotion, your hand hovering on the tip of your sword’s handle as you brace yourself for any imminent conflict. As you inch closer to the ominous spot behind the dense trees, the same noise happens in the opposite direction to the right of you. You swiftly unwield your sword and dart it towards the rapid movement, the sharp blade releasing a sharp and heavy, ‘THUNK’ as it sinks its metal into the wood.

Birds rapidly fly away in fear and other smaller animals in hiding run away in the opposite direction hoping to avoid the building tension within the vicinity. The sight of tiny strands of fur and a red liquid left swiftly in the breeze makes you wince in sympathy; accidentally hurting an unattended target was certainly not on your to-do list today. Your body is still on high alert--chest heaving as small beads of sweat accumulate on your temples, your nerves keeping you in a tense state. But unlike your anxious mood irritating you, your target was the complete opposite.

A low rumble of laughter that turns into a boisterous level prompts you to turn around and narrow your eyes at the location of the sound, eyes catching a white-haired male. You were gearing up to tell the male to fuck off before the realization hits you. The sharp teeth, horns, broad back, wild clothes -- this was the dragon you were trying to find. You watched him cautiously, keeping your eye on him as you retrieved your weapon, keeping on guard.

He lets out a few more chuckles, putting his hands up in mock surrender as he watches you point your sword toward him. “Hey no need to get defensive,” he pauses, his grin turning from playful to sly. “You humans aren’t the best at catching us most of the time.”

His words make you huff, your other hand locking on the rope that was on your hip. The white-haired male blows out a whistle, watching as your arm flexes with strong muscles and places his hands on his hips as he scans your body. You raise your brow, sheathing your sword away and revealing a grin of your own. You cross your arms over your chest and tilt your head to the side lean forward interest for the conceited specimen.

“I always catch my prey. What makes you think I won’t this time?” You respond, your words cocky, a little too much for his liking at that. His nose flares at you, back straightening before his irises narrow before he scoffs lightly.

The male’s cerulean eyes dim as they watch you intently, unashamedly checking out your frame. Your nostrils flare in anger and slowly draw your sword as a warning, a playful whistle following your threatening posture. The white-haired dragon-man takes a step closer to you, his gaze not missing you step back and cower only just slightly in your stance.

He huffs, “You could barely kill that bunny.”

“I could if I wanted to,” You’re quick to retort, your body now trying to regain its firm stance, chin raising as you openly detested him. “Just like I could have your head by tomorrow if needed.”

The same laugh that first gained your attention makes a comeback, his sharp teeth on proud display as he takes this exchange as nothing more than some flirtatious banter. “How about the next time we meet, you can attempt to catch me -- and if you do, I’ll do whatever you want. Vice versa.” He holds his hand out for you to take as a sign of agreement.

You watch his large hand out stretch itself to you, a taunting offer that a part of you couldn’t proudly admit that you wanted to take. His palm is upturned in a way that teased innocent compliance, the callous on his skin showing he isn't as playful as one would think and there's no missing the sharp nails that peek from under fingertips. With a small huff, your hand relaxes from the top of the sword and you close the distance between you two, shaking his hand firmly.

“The name’s Dabi by the way.” A surprised yelp escapes your lips as he tugs you much closer than needed, you two chest-to-chest as he stares intently into your E/C eyes. “Don’t be too disappointed when you lose, Y/N.”

Your eyes widen as he says your name, the action doing its job spooking you. You rip your hand away from his with a bit of a fight, not sure what you just have gotten yourself into. You snarl as you step back to regain the space between you two, except you made no move to be on the offense.

“Do yourself a favor and don’t hold back.” Dabi taunts, his grin matching his arrogant expression.

“Don’t plan on it.” You snort giving him one last look over as he retreats from the trees, your gaze never leaving that spot until you’re sure he’s gone. You turn around and pursue your way back to town, unbeknownst to you the pair of cerulean eyes that continued to watch your body retreat in pure animalistic hunger for you.

— ✮ ★ ☆ —

Adrenaline pumps through your veins as you tirelessly think about the interaction with the arrogant male from last afternoon.

Despite being one of the most known bounty catchers in the world, the way that he—Dabi as he preferred to be called—carried himself, was in a way that left curiosity and a bit of attraction on your end. You hated the way that your chest races with excitement but then glower at the thought of him. Too many conflicting emotions plagued your psyche and you needed to end this once and for all.

The air was crisp whilst the white clouds in the sky rivaled the short puffs of air you breathed out every once in a while if you held your breath in for too long. Climbing back up the same mountain wasn’t as easy as it was yesterday with the added titillation making it feel as though your heart was about to burst out of your chest. At this point, you were starting to wonder what you truly wanted from this outcome.

‘victory. this isn’t the first attractive specimen you’ll find, and it won’t be your last.’

You thought to yourself and sigh with indignation. The designated spot was already in eyeshot and you needed to get into gear if you wanted to walk out of this with your proper title over him as his owner. Absentmindedly your hand skims over the healing wound of the tree you had accidentally sliced when you had gotten startled yester-yonder, the heavy and big footprints in the soil showing that he as well made his way over not long before you.

Movement just shy to your left has you turning in its direction, this only meaning one thing: Dabi was here.

Dabi sat minding his business, humming as he watched his surroundings and toyed with the dirt in front of him mindlessly. You unsheath your sword, adrenaline making your hands lightly tremble in excitement. You adjust the sword easily in your hand moving to swing for the kill. Subtle movement catches the corner of your eyes, the focus of your target just slipping. Before it could happen, you reel back and lunge your sword towards the correct target only to softly gasp as he's gone.

You pull your sword back with the rope that’s attached to the handle, the weapon tight in your grip as you look around closely as you make eye contact with his now familiar cerulean-blue eyes making you attack once again. It wasn’t until your second failed attempt that he started laughing at you. Just like the first time you met. You growl out in frustration, trying to find him again. You try following the laugh as you messily turn around, the uncoordinated movement making you trip over your own feet but you quickly catch yourself.

‘i bet he’s just scared! he knows that you’d just capture him and make him yours.’ you completely lie to yourself to help soothe your nerves. Even you didn't believe it and now you were starting to get more than anxious.

“Damn it! Come out and stop playing!” You yell out, rage starting to finally consume you. You kept your sword up, turning sharply at the sound of crunching behind you and was met with him not too far away from you.

His handsome face was serious, arms crossed as he watched down at you unimpressed and unmoving. You feel yourself wanting to shy away from his intimidating gaze, but remember to hold up your guard. Never had you experienced a dragon that fought back like this and it honestly had you on edge.

“You’re off your game,” The dragon grins as he steps closer towards you. You tilt your chin down as you cowardly gulp in defiance, your feet taking a step back as you try to gain more distance between you two. Unfortunately for you, fighting in the woods meant you would be caged in, just like now as he closed in on you as your back hit the large oak tree behind you.

“I can still kill you if I please.” You sneer, holding up the sharp tip of your sword to his chest, eyes boring into his. Even with your strong stance and unwavering eyes, there was no denying the slight waver in your voice as you said it.

Shit.

The dragon laughs at your pathetic threat, his body language as genuine as his prideful body language. He offers you no answer as he finds no reason to entertain it. Anger shoots through your body at his arrogance, your body shifting as much as it can to pull your arm back to aim straight for his heart, wanting nothing else but to draw blood from him right in this instant.

Your sense of urgency is what fumbles your opportunity, your attack seized as though he had seen it a mile away.

With a piercing grip, he snatches your hand as you attempt to stab him in the chest, his deft fingers squeezing your wrist in a painful grip. A cry leaves your lips as you try to keep steady, your other hand grabbing him to let go as if his life wasn’t on the line.

“Let go!” You yell at him, stubborn tears now starting to prick at your eyes. It was pitiful in the way you resorted to this as your backup plan, your behavior a clear indication that you had no idea what to do. You had walked into this duel with nothing but adrenaline, curiosity, arousal, and arrogance. Instead of conducting yourself as a seasoned veteran, you were presenting yourself as a spoiled brat. Dabi ignores your plea as he takes your fighting hand and pins it firmly against the rough tree bark behind you, the rough texture digging into your clothes and skin. You bite your lip harshly to at least spare yourself some dignity, not wanting to let the smallest amount of pain get to you.

Your hand twitches in his hold as your other goes towards the direction of your thigh and grab a small knife from its holster before promptly slicing his arm. Dabi looks down at you and scoffs as he barely observes the wound before easily gripping your free wrist once again. You let out a silent cry of protest as now both hands are caught in his stronghold.

“You think that was enough to stop me? You’ve already failed, human.” He leans down to speak in your ear, his strong voice rattling through your body making you shiver. He maneuvers his hold on your wrists so that they are caught in one hand, the other moving to grip your side before running lower and rounding your back.

You glare at him and start to struggle against his hold, hoping it wasn’t too obvious that you wanted him to touch more of you. He chuckles at your sounds of distaste, promising that you’d be dead if he moved any further. He bites down on the exposed part of your neck making you moan in pain and a deep blush adorn your cheeks. His slivering hand finally grabs your ass and pulls your body closer to his. He pulls away from your neck to give himself enough room to lick up the blood that was dripping from his bite. “You’re all mine.”

Without much fight from you, he leans in and presses a harsh kiss against your lips, an all-engulfing force that has you reeling in need. You groan as your head is pushed back against the tree, your pair of lips fighting against his in an attempt to gain back the confidence you had from when you two first met. The mix of the coppery taste of your blood on your tongue adds a toxic aphrodisiac you can't place your finger on, wanting to taste more of yourself on his tongue in other ways. Your eyes lid as you two maintain eye contact through the kiss, the heat between you two ramping up as both of you have something to prove.

“Still tryna win, human? Are you gonna do whatever I tell you to?” Dabi ridicules you once he pulls away and tightly grips your jaw. The force makes your cheeks squish while your bruised lips pout. He leans in to press his lips against yours again as an open mouth kiss, his tongue invading your hot cavern and playing with your tongue. You moan into his handling, your wet muscle barely managing to put up a fight. You helplessly try to chase his lips when he pulls away, the action making him chuckle. “Turn around.”

He lets go of your hands as he allows you to move and notes the way that you slightly flinch from the harsh pressure suddenly being released. Though you quickly shrug it off, more than willing to turn around like the slut that you are. Grinning at your desperation he steps away from you to allow room to turn you around, and seizes your hands in his hold except this time behind your back when you’ve assumed the position. Dabi bends you over some and admires your curves finally up close and freely gropes at your ass. It’s shameful in the way that feeling his calloused hand grope and rub at your globes has you pressing against him, your needy action eliciting a spank from him. You whine out his name as he pulls down your pants, your juices darkening the material between your legs.

“Do you normally act this needy when you lose, hm?”

SMACK, another spank was delivered to your bum. Your eyes roll back when he gives you another and a harsher one to follow until you respond.

Your eyes prick as he taunts you, your legs trembling in need. Contrary to your own knowledge, Dabi was perfectly aware of your track record with beasts. To humans and other “dainty” species, you were known for your combat and prowess but amongst the more gritty creatures have shared more than a few whispers about your sexual endeavors. You turn your head and glare at him, tears and all as blood rushes to the skin of your bruising ass and flustered skin. Just as you were one not to lie, you deflect the implications of your winning and losing rate. “Do you normally take this long to fuck?”

SMACK.

Instead of his hand holding your hands above your head, he lets them go and lets you catch yourself against the uncomfortable tree. With one hand now placed on the side of your head, he holds you in place as he tugged down your underwear, no longer wanting to toy with what he desperately needed to claim as his. “I’m the one who won, remember?” Dabi growls as he grows impatient with your bitching, his hot hand reaching down to cup our sex and letting his two fingers rub at the sensitive nub at the top of your cunt.

The smell of your arousal was taunting him heavily. Dabi had never considered a human as his first option to fuck but you were bringing out a new side to him. The sickening thought alone made him grow impatient as he was more than ready to defile your cute body. Most humans don't fuck back, but you certainly looked like the type and that thought alone was riling him up. Evidently just from the way you were acting, you couldn't help yourself grinding back against him like that. At first glance you seemed like some brute snob, untouched and pompish. But here you were already gong-ho over some dragon dick you have yet to experience; acting so desperate and needy for him. His lips curve into a devilish grin as he marvels at the way your back arches as the arousal gets to you.

“Fuck, Dabi please.” You plead shamelessly as he slips his fingers up and down your folds to collect your slick, helping lube up your opening for his cock. He spits on his fingers to make it more slippery, not wanting to rush the prep as much as he'd love to have your pussy engulf his cock. He shushes you as he leaves his grip on your head to grab your jaw, making you look at him as he rubs at your cunt.

“You’re gonna be a good girl and let me prep you, pet.” He emphasizes his point by teasing at your opening with the tip of his finger then sinking his middle finger into your cunt. His cock twitches at the sensation of your gummy walls squeezing around the digit as strokes the inside of your kitty carefully. He groans and leans back to look at your pussy enveloping his finger, eyes happily drinking in what he’s seeing. “Knew this pussy was hungry for this.”

Your pants are heavy, pussy clenching tightly around his fingers as he continues to work it in and out of your dripping cunt. Dabi made sure to keep his hold on your jaw tight while his other got to work which allows you to brace your hands against the trunk of the tree with your hands now free. His thrusting stops to rub the outside of your lips, spreading your natural juices as lubricant and periodically brushing against your clit before his fingers are fucking themselves into you again. Your face was covered in bruises to some degree as you couldn’t help but keep your face against the tree bark -- not that you could care less, though. A wanton whimper leaves your lips feeling his hand completely leave your opening, making way to release himself from his pants.

He uses the slick from your wet cunt to help lubricate his lengths. He prods the first against your opening and groans lowly from how different the fit of your human pussy compared to other dragons. You felt your eyes burn with tears, his size bigger than you’re used to. You squirm against him only for him to command you to calm down. He spits another time as he works his hips into yours to open you up better, the action working as you produce more slick and loosen up as the moments pass. You feel his finger mix the spit and slick on your asshole, not shying away from playing with your chocolate starfish. He slips in his thumb to tease your opening, the play not phasing you one bit. It wasn't until you feel his finger enter you followed by experimental strokes is when you notice what's up. You suck in your breath, tensing up completely when his finger exits only to feel another head prod at your asshole.

You gasp from the intrusion of his second cock entering you. Your nails dig into the tree and you're consequently returned the favor as your hands sting from gripping onto it for dear life. You had never taken anything of his size in that entrance and you could tell he was enjoying the squeeze by how much he was throbbing in you. He breathes out curses into your neck, reminding you of your place and how tight you wrapped around him. Never had Dabi contemplated wanting to mate a human until now, the feeling like nothing he had felt before.

“You’re taking me so well, fuck.” Heavy and sloppy thrusts are met against your ass. The way of his thrusting signifies the animalistic side of him, the easing of his cock into you was nothing short of barbaric and drowning in pure pleasure. As he worked his hips better into yours.

It felt as though he was already accustomed to you and you loved it. The length and girth of his cock was filling a void you didn’t know you needed, and you weren’t sure if you were going to be able to come back from it.

“How’s it feel to be fucked by a dragon, heh,” The dragon huffs out and works more of his length into your battered pussy and ass. Your sopping cunt and tight ass was starting to take his cock easier and easier the more he fucked you. His hands bored from only holding you in place soon move to tug up your shirt and grope at your tits, hands roughly fondling your mounds as if he had no rhyme or reason.

“Da… Dabi..!” You moan out, ass and pussy still clenching tight around him. He moans enjoying how you say his name before HISSing at the fact you were almost squeezing him too tight. Dabi refused to take his eyes off the area where your bodies joined, deeply engrossed by the way his cocks disappears to the hilt as he fucked your tight holes.

“Fuck you’re squeezing me so tight little pet!” He exclaims excitedly, teeth to mark up your neck once again. Dabi hums in delight, hands roughly kneading your breasts. He tugs on your nipples craving the thought of wanting to know what your nipples would taste like against his tongue. Or even if he did so choose to breed you, how full, plump and ready you’d look -- all just for him.

Your vision blurs as the only thing on your mind is to relish in the pleasure you were receiving, hips riding back against his as you chase your climax. You were nothing but a vessel for your pleasure, not giving shit about him either. The all-consuming experience was successfully eating you up and you loved every second of it. If it meant being “his” pet, then so be it.

When he hits a certain angle in your holes, you shake as ecstasy shoots through our body. Your already breathier sighs and moans from your stolen breath now deepens into loud and sluttier sounds, your orgasm finally imminent. You start to babble not wanting nothing more than to finish on this dragon’s cocks.

“Please, please, Dabi-” You mewl. “Cum, need it.” You whine as you feel the familiar coil in your stomach tighten, the slick running down your thighs aiding in the ability of letting him thrust within you.

Dabi shushes you as he grabs both of your elbows and holds you up himself. He uses you like a pussy pocket as he starts to chase his release as well, needing to finish inside you just as much as you wanted to finish on his cocks. “Gonna breed you, s’that what you want, pet? Tell me what you need.”

“Fuck I need you to cum in me..!” You moan out, feeling your stomach coil to signify the impending orgasm that is about to hit you. Without needing any further excuse he grips your arms impossibly tight as he pummels into you, his hips bruising your backside as he drives you over the edge.

With a final thrust, he bottoms out inside you, relishing in the feeling of emptying his semen. A deep growl reverberates in Dabi’s chest as he finishes, his muscles only relaxing when he starts to empty. He holds you in place as you have no other choice but to take his stuffing, the amount so copious it starts to spill from your openings.

Dabi slowly lets you go as he pulls out, cocks flaccid and messy. He bends you over to look at your creampied holes, hands spreading your cheeks to get an unobstructed view of it. He gives your pained cheek an appreciative smack, snorting when you groan in pain at the feeling. The dragon stands back up and yanks at your hair, the unnecessary action making you whip your head around to glare at him, only to be met with a proud grin with his sharp teeth on display.

“You’re mine now, pet.”

#bnha x reader #mha x reader #bnha smut #mha smut #dabi x reader #dabi smut #touya todoroki x reader #touya todoroki smut #dragon hybrid!dabi #bnha imagines #mha imagines #n/sfw #sav's sinning

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winryrockbellwannabe · 2 months

Text

🍃 Trying to get out of a rut 🍃

new semester, new me, am i right?

last semester I realized i was getting super overworked and i wasn't getting enough rest to make up for it, even tho I was sleeping 8 hours everynight and doing the routine that usually works better for me. But i didn't work bc of the amount of stress I was in, and now that routine does not work for me at all. So, even tho i was scared to change a routine that i knew i liked, i decided to change everything. but EVERYTHING

set a decent sleep schedule. Even tho i was sleeping 8 hours everynight, those 8 hours could be from 2am to 10am or 10pm to 6am, it was a mess. So now, im trying to roughly wake up and go to bed at the same time everyday

I also changed my breakfast. Even tho it's my comfort food, it started to work too well, and now it makes me fall right back to bed with my comfort movie. So that had to change. And now my new breakfast takes a while to prepare, so i use that time to drink water and clean up around the kitchen while breakfast is getting ready.

Mandatory rest time. But like, intentional rest time. 30 min before going to sleep, i'll try to do something that makes me feel more rested. Hopefully no screens, but i can't be that strict with myself. Most days I'll just put on some soft music and prepare the next day's outfit etc, but on good days i also manage to read for a bit.

change my usual study places. Ideally change it as often as possible. Im too used to my old study places, so now I can't be as productive there.

new study playlists. i went throught too many playlists while in college. Sometimes I would study while listening to musicals, then asmr, then disney instrumentals, then brown noise. It's important for me to choose the "vibe" im going for asap, so i stay somewhat consistent until im bored of that especific playlist again.

did I already post multiple times similar things? Yes, i did. But i needed to write and post this all over again bc i tend to forget about my own routines

#studyblr #study blog #studyspo #stemblr #stem student #study blr #adhd studyblr #study tips #2.3 #student life #studying

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allysunny · 4 months

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Oooh can you do 22 and M for Miggy? 🥺

I love soft husband Miggy

"We're not meant for each other” / “I don’t care, I love you” + Domestic Bliss x Miguel O’Hara

Words: 3.6k words

Warnings: Suggestive themes, a small twinge of angst (if you squint), a small mention of blood, overall just happy domestic Miggy! Also some unstranslated spanish (please correct me if any of it is wrong), not proofread. And do tell if I missed anything!

A/N: Here it is!!! The domestic Miggy from my 200 Followers Event! I love this man so much and he deserves the absolute best, I had such a blast writing it.

I'm sorry for the delay, but uni has just started once again, and, well, now I get a bit busier. Hopefully I'll be able to manage everything, seeing as I really enjoy writing, it's a bit of an escape for me. I'll try to remain consistent!

Anyways, here it is! I hope you guys enjoy it!

Peaceful Saturday mornings were hard to come by.

Usually, Miguel was up at the crack of dawn, kissing your forehead and whispering about how he’d come back as soon as he was done with whatever needed taking care of back in Spider Society. You’d whine and plead for him to stay, and he’d promise to return in a heartbeat. Most of the time, he wasn’t home in a heartbeat, and you moped around for a few minutes before going on about with your day.

But not today.

No, today, you’d gotten the blessing of feeling the warmth of his chest press against your back, and his arm curling into you to bring you closer to him. Of feeling the soft rise and fall of his chest, the way his palm was steady on your bare stomach. It was nice.

You closed your eyes and tried to go back to sleep, tried to prolong that feeling of peace and quiet for a bit longer, but Miguel had some different ideas.

“No, no, no, cariño, can’t go back to sleep now, I know you’re awake,” he mumbled, lips brushing the shell of your ear. The raspiness of his voice made your whole body shiver, and you pressed yourself harder against him.

“Shhhh, don’t speak.” You whispered as a response, which earned him a chuckle. His chest reverberated and he held you tighter, pressing a kiss just below your ear. “Just five more minutes. Please, can’t have you leave yet.”

“But darling,” he murmured, “I’m not leaving.”

It was enough for you to roll yourself over, nearly hitting him on the nose with the back of your skull. Miguel laughed at your eagerness, and his smile only widened. Your happiness made him happy. And he was aware of how he had been neglecting you these past few months.

And being a man who had already lost so much in life, he wasn’t going to take you and your marriage for granted. There was a reason he’d been working himself to the bone the last week, coming home far too late and leaving at the crack of dawn. It was exhausting, yes, and while you understood the things he had to do as Spider-Man (an occupation that was surely no easy feat), he could see the way your shoulders sagged whenever you kissed him goodbye in the morning, or he mumbled into your shoulder something sort of “I’m sorry, I need to get up”.

“You aren’t?” you asked, cupping his face with your hands, the planes of his cheekbones fitting perfectly in between your palms. You’d always thought Miguel was perfect for you – you two fit together like two puzzle pieces. Whenever you cooked dinner and he hugged you from behind, kissing the top of your head and watching you as you stirred and seasoned, whenever you cuddled on the couch, his body draped over his as you drooled on his arms and he zapped through channels to see if he could find some interesting documentary while you slept, when you clung onto him desperately as he lowered himself onto you, legs tightly wrapped around his back and face hidden in the crook of his neck. You were perfect together. That much was clear.

Miguel made a soft noise of agreement, and you all but jumped on top of him, peppering his face with kisses. He laughed, a true laugh that came from his chest and made you feel like you were in cloud nine, and loosely wrapped his arms around you, content to have you close.

“You’re not joking? You’re staying home for the day?” you mumbled against his neck, pushing yourself up to look into his chocolate brown eyes.

“And tomorrow as well. And hopefully, Monday too. You’ve got the day off, right?”

You squealed in delight and threw your arms around his neck (or did so as best as you could) and kissed him repeatedly, proclaiming your love for him as you did so. Miguel smiled, his hand coming up to cup your cheek. Instinctively, you leaned into his touch and placed a soft kiss on his palm. Miguel’s heart melted, and then he slowly traced his face with his fingers. How come you were able to fill his heart with such love, such joy and happiness with a gesture as simple as a kiss?

Qué àngel perfecto.

But Miguel knew you. Truly knew you. And he should also know better than to expect you to be his perfect little angel.

When his thumb softly grazed your bottom lip, you took it inside your mouth, swirling your tongue around the pad of his finger, and innocently looking at him through your lashes. He furrowed his eyebrows and you only smiled, releasing it with a soft “pop”.

Having earned no reaction from him, you frowned.

“I’m sorry. Was that disgusting? I won’t do it aga – “

In one swift motion, you were below Miguel, his toned arms and legs trapping you underneath him. His gaze held something you could only describe as pure, sheer, raw desire, and he lazily let his eyes wonder over the planes of your body. You were wearing a flimsy silk nightgown, a nightgown that, due to his sudden movements, was all bunched up at your waist, exposing your lovely legs to him.

Miguel started trailing kisses from your neck to your chest, earning a few noises he would sell his soul to hear over and over again. The sound of you was enough to spur him on, and soon enough, you could feel his hardness pressing against your thigh. With soft kisses, he made his way down your body, where took your legs, and, spreading them, pressed a kiss on your knee.

It was such an intimate action; it made your insides flare up. You loved Miguel – all of him. And you were familiar with all sides of him. You knew him when he was happy and giddy, spinning you around in his arms and playfully kissing your nose. You knew him tired and sleepy, mumbling sweet nothing in the crook of your neck and falling asleep on your lap. You knew him stressed and hot-headed, begging you to let him blow off some steam by kissing your breath away and making you cry out in pleasure.

But one of the sides you favoured the most was this one. The one where he was sweet and gentle, the one where his eyes expressed only the utmost desire and adoration for you, the one where his kisses meant a thousand words and made your heart swell and swell until you were sure it was going to burst with love.

“What’s on your mind, hermosa?” He asked, voice laced with sleep.

“Just thinking.”

“Ah. Nothing good can ever come from that.”

Miguel pretended to be hurt from the pillow you threw at his head, and his grin widened.

“What’re you thinking about?”

“Just how much I love you.” You replied casually, as if it was something as obvious as saying the sky was blue. Which to you, it was. To you, loving Miguel O’Hara and admitting it were as easy as admitting the sky was blue.

“Hm.” Was his hummed reply against the inside of your thigh. You felt his lips brush against your skin and the contact made you shiver.

“How happy I am to have you in my life. How lucky.”

“Cariño,” he whispered, coming down once again to brush his lips against yours – a silent promise of what was to come. “I’m the lucky one.”

After that, his lips were on yours, your hands were on his hair, and he was coaching out of you the sweetest sounds he’d ever heard, making up for all the lonely nights and cold mornings away from you.

What a way to spend a morning, indeed.

After you two had showered and put on some fresh clothes, he allowed you to pick whatever activities you’d do for the day. He had 3 days to lavish you in affection and catch up for all those weeks, and the first thing he was going to do was let you have full control.

And to his surprise, your request was food. But not just any kind of food.

A brunch.

And if you wanted to make brunch, damn him if he wouldn’t join you.

You smiled and kissed his cheek, looking up cool pictures that you could recreate from the comfort of your home.

You’d settled on pancakes, toasts, and some cinnamon rolls. While you prepared the batter for each of the items respectfully, Miguel got started on the fruit, cutting them into small pieces, squeezing some oranges for some juice, as well as frying some eggs and bacon.

It was perfect. Music echoed through the kitchen; your favourite playlist having been chosen as the soundtrack for this sweet moment. You and Miguel moved in synch around the kitchen, moving effortlessly around each other, yet still being able to steal in some kisses here and there.

He placed a few in your head while you mixed the pancake batter, and you’d tasted some blueberries off his lips, followed by strawberries, apples, and peaches.

“Stop sampling the fruit,” you’d whispered against his lips, to what he simply laughed.

“Stop kissing me every time I do so, and I will.”

You chuckled and went back to your tasks.

“Mhmmm – that bacon is smelling so good,” you said after a while, glancing at him and his frying pan.

“Is that code for Miguel, please give let me steal some?” Miguel asked with a quirked brow, and you feigned shock.

“Miguel O’Hara! How dare you think the only reason I would compliment your bacon mid-cooking is to steal a piece!” You took a hand to your heart and dramatically turned your face away.

“Not at all. I always love it when you compliment my bacon.”

It took a while for the joke to truly get a reaction out of you, and after a few seconds of silence, you burst into laughter, the flower bowl in your hands dropping on top of the kitchen counter. You grabbed some of the powder and threw it at Miguel’s face, shaking your head.

“That was disgusting – you’re disgusting! Ew!”

Miguel only laughed and did the same, leaning over to spray some of the flour from your bowl on your face.

“Disgusting? I recall you being very eager to get a taste of my bacon earlier this morning,” he replied with a smirk.

“Oh my God! Shut up! Ew! Never say that again!”

Although your words did not express anything other than sheer horror, your mouth was forming a huge smile, and you were giggling in between words.

“And now I’m all dirty!”

“You started it, mi vida.”

“Yeah, because you made a disgusting –“

“Truthful.”

“ – Disgusting comment!”

“Next time don’t be so eager to get a taste of my bacon, and I won’t have the need to make such comments.”

“You’re disgusting and I’m never talking to you again.” These words were uttered in between fits of laughter, and Miguel himself leaned forward, chuckling. The lovely sounds of your joy resonated through the kitchen and Miguel was happy that his house had such a pleasant symphony gracing it.

“Can you pass me some of the salt?” you asked him, reaching out with your arm towards his body.

Miguel nodded and quickly held the small saltshaker. Just as he was about to give it to you, the bacon before him crackled, sending a bit of grease flying onto his arm.

The contact made him shriek, the suddenly hot liquid scalding his skin.

Instinctively, his talons came out, causing him to scratch the surface of your counter, and you.

“¡Mierda!” he shrieked, pulling his arm away from the stove. Unfortunately, his talon also pushed the frying pan with him, and it fell on the floor, ruining all of the bacon that was currently cooking.

“Miguel! Oh, fuck, are you okay?” You asked, quickly turning away from what you were doing. The scratch in your arm wasn’t important – you could tell with that later, even if the pain seemed to be pulsing in your arm.

“Don’t – don’t come closer, I’ll hurt you,” he muttered, quickly retracting his talons, and looking at the mess on the floor.

“No – it’s fine, just tell me if you’re okay,” you repeated, kneeling to catch the frying pan off the floor and clean the area with a cloth.

“[Y/N], I said don’t come closer.” He looked at you, and that’s when he stared at your arm, at the red line that marked it all the way from your shoulder to your wrist. Miguel’s eyes widened and he searched in your face for any kind of pain, of discomfort. All he saw was worry that you expressed for him. “Fuck – I’m sorry mi vida, I hurt you, didn’t I?”

“What? No – No Miguel, it’s fine, I can barely feel it.”

“You’re bleeding.” He said, not sure whether to approach you or walk away, scared he was going to hurt you further.

“It’s fine, Miguel, really, it’s just a scratch and it doesn’t hurt that much.”

“So it does hurt.” He spit the words out as if they were venomous; he was disgusted with himself, disgusted he could bring himself to ever hurt you.

You, however, saw right through him and his internal struggle.

“It wasn’t on purpose. Miguel, it’s fine.” You took tentative steps towards him, hoping he wouldn’t back away from you. He didn’t. Although he did seem to flinch a bit when you touched him, not yet trusting his body. “I’m serious. It’s just a scratch.”

“What if some day it isn’t just a scratch anymore?” he mumbled, looking away, refusing to meet your eye after he’d done something as vile as to hurt you like this. He’d sworn to never cause you any pain and look at what he’d done. Brunch was ruined, and you were in pain. “What if, some day, I really hurt you?”

“I know such a day will never come,” you replied, holding his face in your hands just like you’d done earlier that morning, not caring if they were full of flour. The sentiment you felt was the same. Sheer, pure love for the man standing before you.

“How can you be so sure? I’m a monster.”

“I’m sure because I know you love me. You’re a good man. You’d never hurt me. You’ll never hurt me.” The words are soft and gentle, meant to soothe him and all the doubt that clears his mind. But you know it’ll take a bit more than that to coax him out of his dark spot he carved for himself.

“I hurt you just now.”

“You didn’t mean to.”

“And yet I still hurt you.”

“Yes, but you didn’t want to, so it doesn’t count. It was an accident. What about when I step on your feet when we’re dancing? Do you hold it against me because I have hurt you?”

Miguel shook his head with an indignant expression. How could you even compare the two?

“That’s different,” Miguel expressed, “You don’t mean it. It’s an accident.”

“Okay, but what about that time we both reached out to catch the TV remote and I headbutted you?”

“Well, that was not on purpose.”

“There’s also that time I slapped you last week.”

“You were trying to kill a fly! Not hurt me.”

A soft smile graced your lips, and you forced him to meet your gaze.

“Exactly, Miguel. They were all accidents. I didn’t mean to hurt you just as you have never meant to hurt me.” You leaned forward and kissed him softly. He kissed you back hesitantly, and you pressed yourself harder against him. You wouldn’t allow the man you loved to fear touching you, loving you.

“Just look at me, [Y/N]. I’m a terrible creature. A monster. We’re not meant for each other.”

“I don’t care, I love you.” You replied, without missing a beat. “You’re not a terrible creature, nor a monster. You’re Miguel O’Hara, the love of my life, my husband, the man I love the most and want to spend the rest of my life with. I don’t care if we’re not meant for each other – we’ve faced so much and come so far. If anything, we’ve proven more than once that we are meant to be together.” Your voice was clear, and it was full of determination and love. You saw Miguel worthy of so much – why couldn’t he see it?

He sighed, and his gaze softened, as it often did when regarding you. Moving slowly, he rested his forehead against yours, arms coming around you to wrap you in a warm embrace.

“Te quiero un chorro. Eres el amor de mi vida, y te lo seguiré diciendo hasta el fin de los tiempos. No merezco tenerte.” He whispered.

“Stop that – of course you deserve me. All of me. Just as much as I deserve you. With your fluffy hair, and your terrible jokes and your bacon.” This seemed to get a laugh out of him, even if small. “I love you, Miguel. And we’re meant to be together. Forever and ever and ever, even when we’re old and grey and I’m deaf from listening to your terrible jokes.”

“You love my jokes,” he shrugged with a small smile. Good. He was smiling.

“Almost as much as I love you.”

Miguel bent down, picking you up effortlessly and crashing his lips against yours. You kissed him back, humming happily. He muttered some loving words against your skin and you smiled before he put you down, pecking you one last time.

“Now, can we go back to making ourselves some nice brunch?” You asked, untangling your arms from around him.

“Yes. And so much for me being disgusting – my face is now full of flour,” he told you, raising an eyebrow and pretending to be angry with you (something he could never, ever be).

“It was full of flour before, I don’t know what’s the difference.” You laughed, and he laughed along.

The kitchen was once more filled with the right sounds. Laughing, chattering, and soft music playing in the air.

After a while, all the cooking seemed done.

Plenty of pancakes sat atop a plate, with a bottle of honey and a small bowl of blueberries and other small fruits inside. Cheese and ham toasts were also served, along with a plethora of different jams and other snacks that included eggs, bacon, cookies and even some smoked salmon.

The meal was eaten contentedly. Your hard work had surely paid off, and you busied yourself telling funny anecdotes and stories from each of your workplaces while you ate. Miguel confided in you that some of Miles Morales’s ideas were actually good, and that Spider-Punk Hobie Brown had made him chuckle once or twice. You’d met them both before and thought they were simply delightful, having unofficially adopted them and looking over them a few times, by cooking them meals and checking up on them.

You told him about all sorts of funny antics your coworkers did at work, nearly making him spit out his drink when you told him what your work best friend had sent your boss, thinking it was a personal email to you.

The food was fantastic, the music sounded lovely, and the company was all you could’ve asked for. When you two were done, you put the dishes in the dishwasher, making it your own Tetris game, and falling on the couch after it was done.

The rest of the day was spent in peace.

You watched a couple of movies you’d been meaning to watch together for a while, with you and your husband trying to catch as many popcorns with your mouth as possible, read a few books sitting outside in the balcony, making the most out of the sun’s warm light, and just hanging out. That’s something you could never get tired of – just hanging out with your husband.

You didn’t always have to be doing an activity. You didn’t have to be cooking dinner, watching movies, or cuddling. Sure, doing those was fantastic. You’d done them all and enjoyed your time with him. But just being around him was enough sometimes. Knowing that he was right there, next to you, instead of inside that dreadfully dark lab of his was enough to make you smile.

“I love you,” he told you as the sun began to set, lifting his eyes from his book to stare at you, who were engrossed in your latest hobby.

“I love you too,” you replied, giving him a sweet smile.

Your gaze turned back to whatever you were doing, but Miguel’s never left yours. He watched as the last sunrays shone on your features, making your skin shine with an ethereal glow. He watched as your eyebrows furrowed in concentration and how your lips parted softly to smile once you were happy with what you were doing.

You were too good for him, and he still thought there was no way he deserved you.

You were a goddess among man, and he, just lucky enough to be in your graces. Maybe he’d done something right in a past life – because as he watched you, bathed in sun and warmth, and recalled his marvellous day spent by your side, he was sure there was no way in hell you weren’t a gift from the heavens above.

Beautiful and kind and caring, and all his.

You were a vision, and he was so damn lucky to be able to just look at you in all your glory.

Yeah, Miguel thought, he really ought to stay home with you more often.

A/N: And that's it! I hope you guys have enjoyed it! I really like writing for Miguel, he deserves a big hug and a big smooch. I'm such a simp for him omg...

Have an amazing day ahead, everyone! <3

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attollogame · 2 months

Text

March and the status of Attollo

Hi everyone!

This was posted on patreon, but I thought to extend it on the blog as well for transparency purposes for everyone. If you clicked the read more to check this out, thanks, and glad you're still kicking around!

March consisted of me jumping in and out of medical care for the bulk of the month, and despite the armada of pills and specialists I'm hanging around with in my free time, answers have been nonexistent about what's been going on. I'm tired—understandably so.

So what's this got to do with the game?

Beyond just feeling too tired to do what's required of me for work and school, I've been weirdly anxious about the game in general. I think it's based around comments I received in the past about how the game is, what people's opinions are, etc. I've been genuinely sick to my stomach opening my doc containing the game. I just start writing and then it's like... will people even like this? Or read it? Is it just jargon that they'll skim past for 5 seconds of dialogue with a character they like, and then never touch again? Is it worth putting the lore and stuff when it won't be relevant until later in the game? And so on.

I don't know. It's been a bit of a hole. I'm wondering if maybe I need to rewrite it to make it more appealing, or if it's fine as it is, and all these other anxieties that have by no means been helping my health. I want to write, and maybe that's the worse bit. The want versus the brains refusal to do so.

Anyway. None of this particularly matters, because you guys are mostly keen on when it'll be updated. It will—I'm plugging through it slowly. I originally said I'd post the three on patreon and then bulk release, but I may just post on patreon and then release as the new routes come out as a form of apology for my inability to keep a consistent schedule.

Unfortunately, real life demands often take away from fun side hobbies like this.

I reactivated patreon for this month so hopefully I'll have some new content to post on there as well to kind of... rebuild the confidence about the game.

That being said, I do hope you (the lovely person who has read this far) are doing well. I hope you're healthy, and stress free, and enjoying month 4 of 2024. Stay that way for me, will you?

#update

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pavo-ocxllus · 1 year

Text

❝ 𝐲𝐨𝐮'𝐫𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝 𝐠𝐮𝐢𝐥𝐭𝐲! 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐦𝐲 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭…! ❞

romantic shenanigans ensue when you start working for an infamous law firm and most definitely doesn't have to do with my recent hyper fixation on law at the moment.

𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠…

detective!shikanoin heizou as the number one detective at fontaine legal firm. as well as the pursuit of justice, he's also on the pursuit of you!

forensic scientist!albedo who's disillusioned from the thrilling profession of delving into the ground zero of crime scenes. though, with a case such as you, he might be wrong.

police officer!xiao who takes his job too seriously and instead of trying to arrest childe, he should be arresting you for stealing his heart ;)

prosecutor!cyno who's presence in the court is as vicious as his horrible puns. though—you can't deny that the tension between the both of you rival that viciousness.

pre-law!gorou with a strangely strong sense of smell and hearing, he possesses a not so strange sense of justice (and you!)

rival attorney!alhaitham who can't seem to stop meeting your path—or rather, crashing into it. with the (admittedly one-sided) feud stemming all the way from freshman year of university, it eventually led to the two of you unfortunately falling (in love?) into the same case.

interrogator!kaeya who's personality alone could be enough to pin this whole fiasco on him one bad day and simultaneously believe he's an angel on earth the next. somehow, his talents as an interrogation officer is the only thing about him that stays consistent, and perhaps something else...

mob boss!childe that can't stop finding different ways to drive you crazy. from remaining to do things that make the case worse against him to his endless teasing, the fact that he's actually innocent is the most daunting factor of working with him.

delinquent!arataki itto who is clearly innocent of his involvement in diluc's case. what kind of incriminating evidence does an anonymous tip have that made everybody believe he almost assassinated him?

and defendant!diluc, the man of the hour and whose car accident acts as the center that three cases revolve around. why does one have the motive to kill the wealthy wine tycoon, and most importantly, who was responsible?

𝐟𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠…

klee, who despite her strange nonchalance towards explosives and having alarmingly close access to ingredients to make them, is quite the adorable young girl that loves you, her big brother albedo, and the two of you together very much!

hr!kuki shinobu who is absolutely done with heizou's fontaine legal firm's antics. she does have the qualifications to work as an attorney rather than at human resources, but she wouldn't want to work with itto more than she already has to—and he doesn't even work there!

attorney!yanfei as one of the few sane people working at fontaine legal firm. though she rarely get's involved in the daily chaos of her workplace, her fiery spirit in the courtroom knows no bounds!

part-time barista!kaveh that was (begrudgingly) ordered by alhaitham to get a job so he could stop pathetically drowning in student loan debt and his latest architectural project. horrible with drinks and customer interactions outside of his usual field, it's safe to say he'd rather be in crippling debt.

hu tao serving as the proprietor of wangsheng funeral parlor and as a partner in crime to itto and heizou, much to everybody's annoyances. queen of "it was getting a little chummy around here," she is a reliable source of information.

and perhaps more?

IMPORTANT...

i'll attempt to have a taglist! hopefully, it doesn't end up as a whole-ass nightmare, but how it works is that i will reblog the start page every time i update the routes with the taglist in tow and hope for the best! if you want to be added, you can message me or send an ask! though, just to be safe, you can turn on notifs!

there's a lot of possible routes cuz i'm lowkey a sadist, four "bad endings," ten "good endings," a neutral ending, and maybe a few secret endings (who's gonna get them first?? 👀)

there isn't a set schedule for the time being! where i live in, i'm busy with preparing for a standardized test (staar will be the death of me). please be patient with me!!

𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐥𝐮𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠… heavily inspired by law dramas, tears of themis, shojo manga, manhwa, the works; fluff, hurt/comfort, interactive fic, angst

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬… heavily inspired by law dramas and tears of themis (so i wouldn't have to do too much research lmao), definitely not realistic MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH DEPENDING ON WHAT ROUTE YOU TAKE LATER ON

𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐚 𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐠 𝐧𝐞𝐚𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐨𝐧 𝐚𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐥 𝟏𝐬𝐭, 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟑 (𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐮𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐨)

#𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐧 𝐢𝐦𝐩𝐚𝐜𝐭 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐰𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐞.!#𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐰𝐢𝐧𝐠: [𝐲𝐨𝐮'𝐫𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝 𝐠𝐮𝐢𝐥𝐭𝐲! 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐦𝐲 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭...!].!#kaeya x reader #diluc x reader #gorou x reader #heizou x reader #shikanoin heizou x reader #arataki itto x reader #itto x reader #cyno x reader #alhaitham x reader #childe x reader #tartaglia x reader #albedo x reader #xiao x reader #genshin impact x reader #genshin x reader

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tmntxthings · 5 months

Note

Ok so, hi! I hope you're doing well! I really really like your blog and was wondering if you're still taking requests? If your not thats completely fine.

but If you are could you please please do a the rise boys with a reader who's like their little sister? i cannot for the lofe of me find very many of these, and I adore them.

Your writting is AMAZING btw! Make sure to eat food, drink water, and get some sleep! <3

Big Brothers

author’s notes: :D am i doing requests still? …yes?! it may not seem like it but I look over them all… just lacking in the motivation department rn, esp with this semester, but booyakasha we ball xD thanks for requesting <3 author's note 2.0: I wrote Raph's part in JANUARY and i finally finally finally had the will power to finish Mikey's tonight, the semester is over yayyyyyyy!! Hopefully my motivation will rejuvenate and I'll be writing way more consistently... hopefully lollll hope you enjoy~~

warnings: none to note, unedited, mayhaps a curse word ?

—————————————————————————

Raph

Where do I begin? He’s always the type to protect those around him. It doesn’t matter whether you’re just a regular citizen or someone he knows and loves, this turtle will protect all! He’s got a big heart.

Much like April you stumbled into the boys life at an early age. Yet unlike her, you were younger than the entire group. As a tot, Raph made sure you were never left behind, hiking you up on his shoulders along with Mikey.

Both of you giggling about the height and saying “look look I’m flyingggg!!” making superhero poses, just the works. Standard oldest brother material. He was still a kid too so there were some accidents, of course you fell off once or twice.

But he was quick to distract you from any boo-boo’s, swooping you back into his arms and snuggling his head close profusely apologizing for getting a little too rowdy. “Don’t cry!! Look Raph’s gotcha! All safe and sound!”

“Does it hurt bad? Let’s go get patched up by Lee hmmm? Raph bet’s he has the prettiest bandaids for you!”

If the group is playing a competitive game, like tag or hide & seek, Raph’s making sure you’re having a fun time. Not feeling left out or being picked on too much. In tag he may run a little slower so you are able to catch him, he would happily be ‘it’ a thousand times if it meant you beamed that mischievous smile. “Tag Raphie!!! Hehehe”

In hide & seek he’ll hide with you or better yet find you the best spots to hide. “Okay Raph’s going hide now too, goodluck and don’t make any noise!!”

As the group grows from tots to teens and the world isn’t as sparkly, and dangers lurk every corner Raph becomes more concerned with your safety. Though there’s not much he can do while your at school, any time you hang out with the bros other than the lab he’s always got a watchful eye.

“Ohhhhh guys look at this!!” Window shopping being one of your favorite past times as they walk the streets of NYC. Raph can’t help but call out for you to “Wait!” or “Watch out!” Something about those sidewalks cracks that always trip you up. And don’t even get Raph started on how many times you’ve bounded ahead of the group only to get lost.

“C’mere you!” Raph’s pulling you close and giving you a noogie. Definitely not caring as you screech about your hair. “What’d I tell ya about running off??” He continues messing with you until you either slip out of his grip or call out mercy. “You had me worried!” He breathed out with a stern look. “Awww Raphie I’m not little anymore!” You teased, but to him you’d always be his little sister. Just like Mikey would never escape being the little brother.

Leo

Oh my lord the trouble you two get into. Pranks? Yeah. Lots of them. The two of you are menaces together, and unlike Leo, you get off the hook with batting your sweet innocent eyelashes. “Whaaaaa Leo told me to!!” And he’d scoff, yelling out traitor as you stuck your tongue when Raph’s back was turned.

Despite always slipping away from punishment, Leo didn’t mind you throwing him under the bus. In fact he was quite impressed with your tactics. One of these days he’d catch you on video being a brat behind Raph’s back! So count your days because they were numbered.

While Leo is down for throwing caution and safety in the wind, if things get serious.. let’s say someone threatening you? Whoever’s spouting such nonsense better run for the hills. He doesn’t deal kindly with those who hurt his family. Especially his little prankster of a sister. “Run that by me again? You said what about my sister??” Fun, silly, charismatic Leo is gone! He’d have a glint in his eyes that scream ‘you’ll pay for that.’

What else?! Though he claims he’s nothing like Raph in regards to being wrapped around your pinky finger, he totally is. “Hey Lee can you portal me to school?? I don’t feel like walking!” He’d complain saying how you’re using his rad powers for such a lazy reason (even though he’s guilty of such a thing) but after he gives you an earful of complaints he’s opening up a portal.

Don’t think he won’t waltz in right after you. Much like those older siblings who love to embarrass their little siblings. Calling after you to “Have a greaaaaaaat day!! Big brother wuvs youuuuuuu!!” And it’s similar if he’s picking you up from school. He’ll portal in with a speaker and blare music, mostly Nicki Minaj.

Donnie

Those little puppy dog eyes you can pull off with Raph have no influence when it comes to Donnie, he has footage of your two-faced nature, having big crocodile tears at one moment and an evil grin at the next, unlike Leo who has never been able to successfully capture you in the act, Donnie has and he lords it over you as blackmail for most things, like a big brother usually does

He only brings it out when absolutely necessary, mainly whenever the two of you are in a back and forth banter that has gone too far, "Oh yeah? I seem to recall a certain purple turtle reading some very interesting fanfiction with Atomic Lass last night!" You puff up satisfied when Donnie gasps at such a true accusation, the utter betrayal! "C'mon guys don't start fighting" Raph will speak up as Donnie whips out his phone going for his passcoded camera roll.

"Oh Raphala I have something to show you!" Donnie will sing as he turns the phone over to reveal the beginning of a video of you and its one that has you immediately screeching. Jumping up from your spot to run and try and tackle Donnie to the floor, but he expects this as his battleshell takes off into the air, putting himself and his phone out of reach. "Turn it off!!! Stop it Dee!!! I never said what exactly you were reading!!" You plead as he swoops and dodges the pillows and really anything you can get your hands on to throw.

So yes, he has the dirt that you would hate Leo to get his hands on so Donnie and you have a bit of an understanding of one another. Other than that though you can find solace in his lab anytime. He doesn't mind your entry because unlike his brothers you don't start touching or breaking things. You treat his inventions carefully and he has fun explaining to you their potentials.

As tots Donnie was definitely quizzing and spitting out random facts to your malleable brain, a lot of it ended up sticking so you understood him to some degree on an academic level, but most of all he had prepared you for school to which you were forever grateful

Now you may not say so in words but with each passing grade you would go down to the lair and find Donnie specifically to show off your assignments, beaming proudly as he would smile and singing his praises about how well he had taught you. He realized that maybe he had taught you too well since you were a master manipulator when it came to tear ducts but he couldn't help but smile at that, proud to have another evil genius in their midst

Mikey

He knew what it was like to be treated like a baby despite being only a few years younger, so it came as no surprise that he would agree with you whenever you wanted to do something adventurous, something on your own, "Guys, she's old enough to go out to the movies with her friends!" Even if he sort of knew your crush would be going as well, Mikey was not going to be the brother to hold you back from falling in love!

Now heaven forbid that little heart of yours gets stomped on. The person who did so will obviously be on some sort of shit-list by all the turtles, but I think Mikey would be the one who has to be watched out for the most, he destroys people who hurts what he loves, that pizza place episode with the rock band is a prime example! He'll turn savage, lunging for violence, striking to enact karma on those who deserve it the most

Of course he will be the best brother to go to if you want to have some deep emotional talks, Dr. Feelings to the rescue, and though it hurts him to know you've been stabbed in the heart, he will be there through the whole break-up process! Cry session with tubs of ice cream or whatever sweets you desire, Mikey's a great cook so baking isn't that hard for him. He will listen to all the rants and raging that you need to get off your chest, adding in quips when necessary. Then when its time to detox fully, delete pictures, unfollow on all social medias, block their number, get rid of the gifts and physical reminders, he's there with a box, repeating how strong you are and that you don't need them nor these things!

Unlike Leo, if you and Mikey wanted something, a pair of puppy-dog eyes was better than one, even Donnie could not hold out for long if the begging was done by both of you at once, "Donnie c'mon pleaseeee set up the switch! We wanna play Mario Party!" "I thought we were gonna be playing Minecraft-" "You guys its easy you don't need me to set it up." "PLEASEEEEE"

And no doubt Mikey is whipping up your favorites in the kitchen. He loves to hear your heartfelt "thank yous!!!" and "Angieeee it's so tasty! 10 out of 10!!" You know exactly how to curry his favor when you go topside and grab him new ingredients to use. That and shooting compliment after compliment his way. Sometimes he will trust you to stir or cut up veggies when he has too many things going on at once in the kitchen. The vibes are immaculate when you get the aux cord to the speaker in the kitchen, the both of you singing out all kinds of music and going into little dance breaks when a song is just too good to not groove to!

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wasyago · 7 months

Note

unsure if you’ve been asked this before but what is your character designing process?

i have already answered in this post (you can go read it if you want), though it's more jrwi based, so i feel like i can answer again! i doubt I'll end up saying something new but hwhatever who cares dhhdhd

obviously this isn't math, so there's no specific scheme i follow every time, and each design is different and it all varies heavily.

in general, when i start working on a design i already have *some* sort of idea in mind. normally not for the entirety of it, but some bits and pieces here and there that help me characterize the design in my head! i try to get those on the canvas first. they're like key points, and i most likely wont change them.

(and if i don't have an idea, i don't start drawing. and instead scroll through my gallery or pinterest in search of inspiration)

let's take my Gem's recent design as an example! i knew i wanted her to be a squirrel, and i already had squirrel scar and cub designs to base it off. so the key points were big pointy ears, curvy tail, claws. i also knew i wanted her clothing to look regal and floral, and reflect her main base. this is an idea that i haven't fully visualized, but i kept it in mind and knew in which direction i had to move.

after that comes the point where i start making stuff up 👍👍 i enjoy thinking my designs through and making them make sense in my head and be practical. so the process consists of me asking myself questions and then answering them in a design. with occasional "oh wouldn't that be cool" thrown into it.

continuing with gem. she needed to have her clothes be suited for a tail, so her underskirt splits in three parts to make it easier. i still wanted the design to be recognizable as gem and have it resemble her skin; so i kept the white sleeves, the green skirt, the corset. i wanted to make her and scar's designs match, so i changed the corset to green with this long piece of cloth but decided to change the patterns on it. because the brown from the corset was gone, i removed it from her shoes as well and made them black instead, so brown wasn't part of the color pallett anymore. i will introduce pink into the design later, so getting rid of one of the colors wasn't that big of a deal. plus, brown makes her look more down to earth, whereas i want her to look elegant and rich, so its a win/win. i wanted to keep her antlers, but obviously she's not a deer anymore, so i turned them into a crown and made it black to match the shoes. etc etc. i can ramble for three more hours about this hdgshsh.

well, that's how the well thought designs work.

sometimes it's just "im gonna draw all the things i think are fun and cute until i can't think of any" and there's no rhyme or reason to it. that's why things like "doc as a unicorn", one-off series designs, random concepts, aus exist!

sometimes its a "i have no idea what to do with it, so im gonna merge all the layers together and just keep fiddling with it until i figure it out", and that's exactly what happens. if i feel stuck with a design, merging it together and working with both line and color helps a ton, because it helps me to see the design as a whole and i dont have to divide my process and think of which parts im gonna do in color and which in line! recent example is hypno's design. here it is when i didn't know how to make it interesting and the final version:

(funnily enough i still like the first concept, the fact that all the clothes is the same color is quite tasty. but i know that if i needed to draw this design in the future, i would struggle with keeping the clothing layers separated and shading and all that stuff.)

visually i don't think there's much difference between how i design things (?), but the process varies and in my head they're all on like, different tiers.

hopefully this was somewhat helpful! if not it at least let me ramble about my design process which is great hdhsjsh

#long post #yagotalk #how to yago

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lis-likes-fics · 8 months

Text

Kiss Me Through the Phone

Pairings: Steve Harrington x Reader Word Count: 2.1k words Kink: Phone Sex Warnings: NSFW, phone sex, masturbation (m and f), dirty talk, daddy kink, praise... A/N: This is late, ik. I swear I'm working on it but that ADHD and everything is hitting HARD. I can't promise I'll catch up but I can promise that these will get finished so I won't leave you hanging. Enjoy this (late) fic though and I'll hopefully see you again with a new one tomorrow!

"Don't you think you should probably be getting to bed, babe?"

Steve raises a brow as he speaks into the receiver holding the phone to his ear as he awaits your response. You called him hours ago to talk while you did homework. The first half hour consisted of him teasing you because you still had homework to do while he graduated the year before. He kept calling you a "literal child", to which you replied, "Then I'm dating a pervert." He promptly shut up.

But now it's midnight, and you ditched the remainder of your homework a couple hours ago. It's late, and you technically have school in the morning. You aren't ready to hang up but Steve is always trying to take care of you, and this is one of those times when he's trying to enforce that—even though he'd rather die than hang up the phone.

"And, you know, I would but…" you trail off on the other end, trying to come up with an excuse and falling short as you shrug, "I just don't want to."

He rolls his eyes and laughs. "Go to bed."

"You can't make me."

"I'm going to."

"How? You're not even here."

"I'm going to drive to your house and make you."

"If you drove to my house, I'd convince you to do something much better than sleeping…" Steve can hear the smirk in your voice, and he thinks he's going to die if you keep using your charm on him like this. He's already horny enough all the time as it is, you don't need to make it worse with suggestive comments you can currently live up to.

"You drive me crazy," he answers truthfully.

He hears you giggle and smiles. "That's good. Keeps you on your toes."

He shakes his head and hears you shuffle around. When you curse under your breath, he hums. "What?"

"Nothin'. Got the cord wrapped around my hand and it tangled a little." A pause. "There."

"Yeah, well, you probably like that shit, don't you? Fuckin' weirdo."

You laugh quietly, trying not to disturb the rest of the people sleeping in your house. "Don't kink shame me!"

He raises his brows, "What if kink shaming is my kink?"

You hum, "It's not. You like to be called Daddy. Which is admittedly weirder."

He scoffs, ignoring the heat in his cheeks when you say it. "No, it's not."

You giggle again. "Yeah, it is. Daddy."

He licks his lips. "You think so? Baby?"

He hopes you'll say no because, otherwise, his "baby" makes him sound like a creep.

"No," you say, an angel. You miss his little relieved breath. "You wanna know what I like?"

"What do you like, baby?" he asks, less joking this time and more fond.

"I like your hands..." Your voice is quieter now, speaking in a secret whisper between the two of you in the cover of the night.

We're doing this, Steve thinks, excited.

"Yeah?" he murmurs. "Where do you like them?"

"Well… I've been wanting a new necklace. I think that'd work just fine," you smile shyly.

He can see it, kissing you all nice with his hand wrapped around your throat. His pants suddenly feel really tight.

"Where else would you like it?" he wonders.

"I dunno," you mutter, shy suddenly. Steve thinks you're weird. You're almost always the one to start something like this, and then you get shy and quiet when he plays along with you. He thinks you're cute.

"You don't know?"

"Mm-mm," you say.

He smiles, licking his bottom lip. "You know where I'd like it?"

"Hm?"

"On your thigh," he breaths. His hand moves to rest on his own thigh. He hears your breath hitch. "I'd love to feel your thighs. I miss 'em."

It takes a moment for you to respond again. "Where else would you put them?"

"Where else do you want me to put them?" he counters. He knows you don't like when he does that—or, you don't favor it. He knows how it makes you squirm, when he makes you tell him what you want. You're never good at telling him.

Your voice becomes really small, really shy. "I dunno."

"You dunno?" he asks, smiling. "Where do you want me to put my hands?"

Steve can imagine you on your bed with the phone pressed to your ear, playing with the cord as you try to come up with a response that isn't "I dunno".

"Just tell me. Don't worry about soundin' weird," he says.

You take a breath. "I want your hand…"

You trail off and he has to contain his laugh. "Where?" he asks again. "On your hands? On your tits? Inside of you?"

A pause. "All of the above?"

He does laugh this time, clutching the phone. "Where do you want me the most?"

You clear your throat a little. "Inside me."

"I want 'em inside you, too."

He hears you moan lightly, and now he has to undo his belt.

"Would you like that, baby? For me to put my fingers inside you? I'd have you squirming like crazy."

"Yeah," you whisper back. "What do you want me to do?"

"What do I want you to do?" he repeats, smiling. "You don't needa do anything. I'll take care of you."

You chuckle lightly. "Yeah, but… what do you want me to do? Do you want me to touch you or…?"

He feels like teasing you. "You mean, like, jerk me off? Or did you wanna use your mouth, dirty girl?" He can imagine you biting your lip, trying to hide your face away from him.

"Did you want that?" you murmur.

"Did you?" he counters.

You laugh a little. "Answer my fucking question, dummy."

He laughs as well, "Yeah, I do." His amusement dies down a little, returning to little secret words. "I really want it, but I wanna spread you open and eat you up more."

He hears you moan again. And then you moan again, and his interest is piqued, along with something else…

"Are you touching yourself?" he asks, a smile in his voice as he calls you out.

You get shy again. "Maybe a little."

"How much is a little?" You don't respond. You just moan again.

He's too hard to ignore it anymore. He unbuckles his tight jeans and takes himself out of his boxers. He brushes his thumb over his tip, red and weeping as he closes his eyes and sighs shallowly.

Your voice grabs his attention again. “Are you touchin’ yourself now?”

He chuckles lightly, too breathy to be subtle. “Can you blame me when you’re makin’ those pretty sounds in my ear?” He strokes himself slowly. “God, what I’d do to be there right now. I’m so in love with you.”

Your laugh comes out as a tiny whimper, your voice just as breathy as his as you thrust your fingers inside of your and sigh. “You’re too nice to me.”

“I’m not nice enough to you,” he disagrees. “You deserve the world, baby.”

“How about– Mmh– How about we just start with your voice in my ear, huh?” you mumble. “What would you do if you were here right now, Stevie?”

He makes you swear never to tell anyone but he loves that nickname. You only ever use it when you’re feeling really soft and shy, in the comfort of just his company when he’s being especially sweet and you’re a pile of mush. He wants you tucked under his arm, and he wants to kiss you stupid, but he has to settle for just a smile through the phone and a few words that don’t accurately describe how strongly he feels for you.

“If I were there right now, I would lay you on the bed and put your pretty thighs over my shoulder.” You shudder on a moan, presumably pushing your fingers deeper inside of yourself and curling. Steve keeps going. “I’d fucking devour you and then kiss you all over your body—which is just perfect, by the way—and then I’d fuck you dumb.”

You moan. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” he breathes, taking his lotion from his drawer and smearing it in his hand. He strokes his cock a little faster, wrapping his fist around himself and squeezing as his head tips back and his lips part, a breathy moan slipping from them. “I’d fucking split you open on my cock.” He knows you love it when he says that. You always melt in his hands whenever he says things like this. “You’d be cryin’ f’me.”

You’re so lost in your mind, imagining him doing these things to you whilst thinking about his hands inside your pussy instead of your own. “Where would you put me?”

He’s happy to tell you. “We’d start out with you on top. I’d put you in my lap and let you ride me until your little legs got all weak and tired. Then I’d lay you down and fuck you with your legs around my neck. Have you screaming my name.”

Your voice is pitchier now, and he swears he can hear the faint sound of your pussy squelching with the rhythm of your insistent fingers. He pulses in his hand, his hips jerking up into his hand every so often as he grinds into his fist. He’s fucking his hand by now, so lost in thought that he can’t help but get a little carried away imagining his fist is your tight pussy.

“Which name?” you whimper. “Steve or Daddy?”

He verbally shudders. “Both.”

“Which one do you want the most?”

He chuckles darkly, aware of the way you turn his question around like he had done to you before. “Maybe you should call me Daddy.” He groans. “You’ve gotten a little out of line since we last did something like this…”

“Maybe I should, Daddy,” you reply back, immediately followed by a whine. He wants so badly to be there to watch you touch yourself, to watch you try to put your little fingers inside of you and hit all the spots he does. He can imagine so vividly you trying to replicate the way he makes you feel. "Need you to…remind me who I belong to."

He's so pent up as he listens to you. He can't help when a few stray groans make their way out of him. "You know who you belong to. You're mine, baby."

"'M yours," you moan, wet sounds reaching the phone and filling Steve's ears with sweet music as he fists himself faster. "I need you."

"Yeah?" he hums. "You need Daddy to fuck you nice and deep, baby?"

"Yes." A moan. "I miss you so much."

"I miss you, baby," he says, too fond and too affectionate and too far gone to fight his urge to get in his car and go to see you right now. But he would die before he left this call.

He's close, he can feel it creeping up on him as his hips jerk up into his hand. By the way you gasp and moan into the phone, he can tell you're reaching your breaking point as well.

"You gonna cum for me, babygirl?" Steve asks, listening closely.

"Yeah."

"You gonna cum all over those pretty fingers?"

"Yes."

"Fuck," he huffs. "Do it for me, baby. Cum for me."

He can hear you try to stay quiet, your muffled gasp as a deep breath fills your lung on a whimper. "Oh, fuck, Daddy!"

He curses under his breath, your little whimpers and whine as you cum and moan his name bringing him closer and closer until he can't hold it anymore.

His mouth falls open and his grunt melts into a rough whimper as he cums after you. He feels the warm, sticky release coat his chest. As his pleasure wanes and he feels like he can think straight again, he sighs deeply into the phone.

"Fuck." He hears you sigh heavily. "You okay, baby?"

A pause. And then.

"Yeah." You sigh, "Fuck, that's better."

He smiles. "Been thinking about it?"

"All day." Your voice is breathy, slurred together like you're going to pass out at any moment.

He runs a hand through his hair, "Well, when I see you tomorrow, we can reenact it." He grabs at the shirt he'd taken off a long time ago, wiping himself clean as he listens to your steady breath through the phone. "You want that?"

"Mmm," you agree.

He smiles fondly. "You still with me?" He can see you dozing off into your pillow, and he wishes he could feel your warmth against him.

"Mmm," you hum again.

He lowers his voice to accommodate for your sleepiness, "I'm gonna hang up, baby."

"Hmm-mm."

"I love you," he says, kissing into the phone and wishing he could kiss you.

"'ove you, t-mm," you mumble, barely coherent but trying for him.

He chuckles lightly. "Goodnight."

"Mmm."

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