#he’s so gay and in love with Charlie he can’t handle it
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Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 // Part 4 // Part 5
Mac is sitting impatiently as he watches Charlie scurrying about the kitchen, much more all over the place than usual; which is definitely saying something. He runs a hand through his hair and lets out a loud huff at the lack of attention he’s currently getting.
“So….” He starts, pausing for a minute and glancing up, hopeful that Charlie will stop what he’s doing and look up at Mac.
Charlie doesn’t.
“What’cha making today, Cat?” Hes even more intent on getting Charlie to pay attention to him. Charlie’s always enjoyed that nickname, and Mac uses it sparingly because when it’s a surprise it always seems to make Charlie happier to hear it.
Success this time around.
“Oh! Yeah-“ Charlie perks up, pausing what he’s doing for the first time in awhile. Actually looking at Mac for far too short a moment. Mac hates the way his heart flutters at it. “I’m making something called a, uh.” Charlie’s eyes quickly dart down to a oddly colorful piece of paper he had out on the counter in front of him, squinting at the name as his finger follows the letters, “a s-str. A stra,” he’s already getting a bit frustrated with himself.
It was already hard enough to learn the measurements. Now he has to sound out some of the words every time he tries reading a recipe. That’s why he’s so grateful to have Mac with him almost every time. Although.. when he’s alone, Charlie’s figured out a way to get his phone to narrate the text and read it out loud for him. He purposely hasn’t told Mac that, though, out of fear maybe Mac will stop hanging out with him while he bakes if he can ‘read’ the stuff on his own.
“A strundlay.” He finally stumbles out after a long pause of deliberation. Based on the look Mac is giving him, he probably read it completely wrong. “An apple strundlay,” he says more confidently. He knew the apple part was right… the other word? Not so much.
“Charlie, what in the hell is an apple strundlay?” Mac’s brows furrow as his face twists in confusion. He shakes his head lightly and reaches over the counter to pick up the paper Charlie was reading from. It’s a thin page ripped out of a magazine, some words rubbed off and smudged; he assumes Charlie must’ve ran his fingers over certain parts trying to reread them so many times. He probably went into some kind of office waiting room or lobby and just rifled through their magazines lying around until he saw a picture he liked. Mac scoffs slightly at the thought before his eyes roll over the word Charlie was just trying to say.
“Strudel?” This time he’s grinning and stifling a small chuckle, “you’re making an apple strudel?” He’s only met with a small, slightly embarrassed nod. “Sounds pretty good, Cat,” Mac beams fondly at the subconscious smile spreading on Charlie’s face at the repeated nickname, “I can’t wait to try it.” He slides the paper back over the counter and watches Char nervously fidget a little.
“I just, uh.” Charlie steps back a bit, rubbing the back of his neck. He’s looking everywhere but at the expectant Mac, biting his lip lightly “I hope he likes it.”
Mac’s heart completely drops. Something about Charlie’s tone. The way he’s glancing around.
He? Who the hell is He? Why won’t Charlie look at me? Is he blushing? What is he talking about? There’s a He?
“Who the hell is He?” Mac blurts out before he can stop himself. He grunts and brings a hand to his temple, scrunching his eyes and praying he didn’t sound as angry as he felt when he said that.
“Dennis!” Charlie chuckles out.
Why won’t Charlie look at him anymore?
“Dennis? You’re making something for Dennis, Cat?” His voice isn’t nearly as playful as it was when he had said the name earlier. Why was Charlie so excited to make something for Dennis? “He doesn’t even know you bake. Just gonna show up with a homemade pastry and expect him not to be suspicious?” Mac doesn’t notice how much more he talks with his hands when he’s angry. Charlie always notices.
“Well, I’m obviously going to tell him.” Charlie’s face scrunches up and he shakes his head erratically, “I saw this and it looked so good I knew I had to make it for Dennis.” His eyes finally meet with Mac’s. They’re also no longer as playful.
‘Looked so good I knew I had to make it for Dennis,’ what’s that supposed to mean? He wants to make Dennis something even better than anything he’s ever made for me?
“You really think he’s not going to make fun of you for it?” Mac stands up from the stool he was lounging on. This is ridiculous. Dennis wouldn’t understand or appreciate Charlie’s baking. He wouldn’t understand Charlie like Mac does. He doesn’t understand him like Mac does. So then why the hell is Charlie so giddy about shoving some stupid pastry into his mouth. “This is a bad idea. You shouldn’t give Dennis anything.” His voice is loud, engulfing, he’s trying to intimidate Charlie into letting this stay a private thing only the two of them share. Please let this stay something only they share together. “He’s gonna hate it and you’re gonna go crying to me about it.” Mac bangs his fist on the counter as a last resort, “that’s such a stupid idea, Charlie.”
“Man, what the fuck is your problem? Why are you so angry at me right now?” Charlie is completely and utterly baffled. What did he do to piss Mac off so much? “Is it so awful I want to make something for him?” He can feel his face heating up, and his voice rising involuntarily as he gets angrier, “If he’s an asshole about it I’ll make sure you’re the first to know. That make you feel better, Mac?!” Charlie is shaking his head erratically again, as he starts scrambling around the kitchen. There’s loud banging as he works quickly to clean up after himself.
“Charlie what are you doing?” As mad as he is, and as hard as he wants to come off, his tone is desperate. He doesn’t get an answer as the sink turns on, watching Charlie angrily scrub off everything he was just using. “Charlie!” He yells over the running water.
“I’m going home, jackass.” He hurries over to the trash and just drops the whole bowl in, everything he had been working on since he got there. “I’m not making the god damn Strudel anymore.” Charlie’s scoffing as he turns off the faucet.
Before mac even has a chance to respond Charlie is already rushing past him and reaching for the front door handle. The apartment is dead silent after the door slams shut. Mac shakes his head and signs heavily. What the fuck just happened?
Absentmindedly he reaches over to the paper Charlie left behind. He just looked at the bolder lettering earlier and didn’t even notice all the ‘annotations’ and doodles Charlie left in the margins. There’s scribbled hearts scattered around, which makes Mac just feel sick. There’s a lot of stars just subconsciously doodled about. Charlie recreated some of the drawings Mac made of the measuring cups next to certain ingredients in the list.
Finally, his eyes land on one corner thats much busier than the rest. ‘4 Den and Mac’ is hastily written. Mac sinks back onto the stool, hunched over and sighing as he notices most of the hearts on the page surround the two names.
Den is written as neatly as Charlie could get it, while Mac is much sloppier. There’s a familiarity in the way Charlie writes the name, like he’s done it a million times. Den is still so foreign, but his hand knows Mac by heart.
Mac is left alone in the silent apartment, wondering how often Charlie writes his name.
#jealous mac my beloved#he’s so gay and in love with Charlie he can’t handle it#perceives Dennis as a threat LMAO#like he’s competing for Charlie’s love#charlie has two hands dumbass#also I didn’t make it clear before but Charlie mostly bakes in Mac and Dennis’ apartment#iasip#charmac#ramblings#I know nobody will read this#but I really like how it turned out#jealous Mac
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This Week in BL - The Sign is Slaying
Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top. Happy new year, BLabies!
Jan 2024 Wk 2
Ongoing Series - Thai
The Sign (Sat YT) ep 8 of 12 - Tharn in Phaya’s too big clothing is the cutest thing in the world.
I gotta to say something about Babe's acting really quickly. I love the way he’s inhabiting the personality of his naga character with reptilian eye and body movements and (I don’t know how to put this) a certain reserved, elegant, slithering- ness.
He's very good this new boy of ours. (He come from something physical like dance?)
I adored them doing the walk of shame and being teased.
ALSO I enjoyed the way they handled Tharn’s gender in the past with his costume (the pha chung hang is gender neutral but that green top is a kinda combo m+f) and pronouns et al.
Language corner:
They are using ancient pronouns. I *think* I heard: daow (3rd), khun/jao/tan (2nd), kaa (Ist) - all pronouns in use are gender neutral - to the best of my understanding.
Last Twilight (Fri YT) ep 10 of 12 - Ooo. Day comes out to fam. Also his maa legit took his phone away and said
“I don’t mind you being gay but you can’t date a poor.”
Still, these 2 do kind of make the best secret boyfriends ever.
Also I begin to love Night: “that’s my baby” indeed. You special ain’t ya?
For Him (Thurs iQIYI) ep 7 of 12 - I’m starting to find this pretty boring at this juncture. Bummer, because for a while I was enjoying it.
Twins the series (Fri GaGa) ep 11 of 12 - The stuff with the spy on the team is super boring. I’m not wild about the side characters either. So most of this episode was a bust for me. I did like First’s ex.
Pit Babe (Fri iQIYI) ep 9 of 14 - Charlie & Babe = honeymoon phase. Jeff & Kim = forgotten. Pete & Way = riddles wrapped in alphas but actually enigmas. Everyone else = gang bang phase…. Apparently. Trash watch happening here.
Cooking Crush (Sun YT) ep 6 of 12 - Loved that this was a mutual kiss. (Also how comfortable are OffGunn kissing now? Babies!) I’ve moved from indifference to absolute loathing of the side couple tho.
Oddball LIES from the script = the gayest bridge in Bangkok isn’t lit up after 9pm.
Meanwhile, very important kicky kicky feet and Doc is a dork about flirting now that he’s all in. Looks like we get the official boyfriend ep next week.
You and My Stars YT 2of 2(?) - Couldn’t find it. Not fussed.
Time the series (Thai Gaga) ep 1 of 10 - Okay so there’s a gang and someone named Chris is killed and his boyfriend, actor Foam, is jumped back in time to save him? NO SINGING. Between Chris’s death and that time-slip there’s some kind of accidental murder, a pink pocket watch, Chris being alive again but also a different person, and a make out scene. Are you also confused? Actually, the real question is: Do we continue watching? Remember we (the collective BLorg) do not trust MFlow.
My Universe (Sun iQIYI) ep 21 of 24 - The acting has been pretty terrible all along with this series, but this one is the worst. I just can’t. I may tune in for the last installment but this one is a DNF for me.
Ongoing Series - Not Thai
Although I Love You and You AKA Sukiyanen Kedo Do Yaro ka (Japan Gaga) ep 1 of 10 - It’s utterly adorable. Very manga, but so far not grating on my nerves. They so cute! You know I adore a hyung romance. Add a v gay sauna scene and an OUT gay boy and just... YES. All the married breeder regulars being overly invested in their pretty cook’s queer drama queening, it's so good.
AND THEN a confession in the first episode? Japan sure loves to mess with the pacing of plots drops.
Also, how much do I want to eat every single piece of food in this darn show?
Sahara-sensei to Toki-kun (Japan Fri Gaga) ep 5 of 8 - Man I wish this were better I enjoyed this more. Sigh. I do LOVE the stepbrother sides. Of course I do. But how can this feature 2 of my favorite relationship types (age gap, stepbrothers) and not be my favorite BL airing? Japan, how do you ALWAYS do this to me?
VIP Only (Taiwan Fri Gaga) ep 9 of 10 - I don’t know. I just wish this were better. Also shorter.
I really miss KBL right now.
It's done I Need to Catch up
What Did You Eat Yesterday Season 2 AKA Kinou Nani Tabeta? Season 2 (Japan Gaga) 10 eps - will binge when I have a spare day.
The Servant and the Young Master - from Veitnam so I assume it's on YouTube. I never even noticed. Anyone?
After Sundown - aired on Netflix Thailand. No word on inter release.
It's Airing But...
[INTERNATIONAL] Cherry Magic (Sat YouTube) ep 3 of 12 - yeah Japan put the smack down on our boys. Sadness. You can use a VPN if you like. Read all about it here.
Ossans Love Season 2 (Japan Gaga) - 5 years later, will anything have changed? This is Japan so… probubly not. I won't be watching this. I disliked Season one and actively hated the follow ups. No thank you.
Playboyy (Thurs Gaga) 14 eps - Dear Playboyy, it's not you, it’s me… I hate you. You’re about as deep (and as palatable) as a shot glass of cum. While I'm sure you’re someone’s kink, you're my weakest link. Goodbye. I DNFed this at ep 5. Frankly I'm impressed with myself for getting that far.
Night Dream (Sat YT) 6 eps - It’s a pain to track down and I really didn’t like the first episode so… DNF
The Whisperer (Sun ????) 10 eps - Thai horror BL that ALSO involves cheating (what joy is mine). I don't think even the perfect single dimple can motivate me to watch. Word is... it's terrible.
7 Days Before Valentine (Weds WeTV) 10 eps - Giving me Luminous Solution vibes. I'm waiting to binge if safe.
Dead Friend Forever (Thai Sat iQIYI) - horror, meh, tell me if it's worth my time?
In Case You Missed it
All my year-end round ups:
TOP 10 BL Trends of 2023
Top 10 BL Secondary Pairs of 2023
2023 BLs Best Trope Execution Awards! TOP 10
BL 2023's Best:
Back Hugs Thailand & Elsewhere
Cute Bits of Domesticity
Boys Feeding Boys
BOOP!
Best Cuddles
Heads in Laps
Touching Head Touches
Thailand Put His Head on Your Shoulder
Put Your Head on My Shoulder (not Thailand)
BEST KISSES (not Thailand)
BEST KISSES FROM THAILAND
All the BLs Announced for 2023 that didn't happen
Next Week Looks Like This
More Coming Jan 2024
Beside You (Thai YouTube)
1/24 Love For Love's Sake (Korea Gaga)- based on the Manhwa ‘Love Supremacy Zone’ by Hwacha. A young man is dropped into a game based off a novel he loves. His mission is to make another player, YeoWoon happy. But then the game starts unfolding completely different from the novel.
Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.
THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS
Why are the oversized flappy flappy sleeves so adorable? (The Sign)
Pit Babe
Frankly 2024 is starting on a whimper... mostly from Babe.
(Last week)
#the sign is great#last twilight is great too#that's kinda it#that's what great#thai bl#The Sign the series#Last Twilight#this week in bl#bl updates#Japanese BL#best bl 2023 round ups#Although I Love You and You#Sukiyanen Kedo Do Yaro ka#tainwanese bl#Pit Babe
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byler crumbs from the cast & crew masterpost w/ sources
I’ve freaked out as these moments have happened over the months but I thought I’d track down and compile it all with the sources to give my fellow Bylers a daily dose of optimism.
About Will
David Harbour & Finn Wolfhard - “He’s interested in someone else in the group.” “Yeah, you’ll see soon who he’s interested in.” “Very interested.” (x)
Noah Schnapp - “I don’t think it just came to be, they’re very smart, the Duffers, they outline everything from the beginning. ... They definitely know where they want to go with Will.” (x)
Duffer Brothers - And Will’s sexuality will be [addressed in vol. 2]...? “--Yes!” (x)
Noah Schnapp - “It was always kind of there, but you never really knew, is it just him growing up slower than his friends? Now that he’s gotten older, they made it a very real, obvious thing. Now it’s 100% clear that he is gay and he does love Mike.” (x)
About Mike
Finn Wolfhard - “I think Mike’s just trying to be as normal as possible, and try to keep on a normal path. He might be into some new things, he might be a little more rebellious this year.” (x)
Finn Wolfhard - “There’s a lot of things they both have to learn about themselves, Eleven and Mike, especially for Mike, in order to have proper, like, the love Eleven wants him to give, and in all his relationships in general. It’s kind of a coming of age story within this crazy horror thing.” (x)
Finn Wolfhard - “I think Mike, like, learns a lot about himself, and a lot about how he sees his relationships with people, and yeah… a lot of understanding and growth.” (x)
Finn Wolfhard - “This season is about personal self growth when it comes to Mike and Eleven’s relationship. I think they’re finding out a lot about themselves that they wouldn’t normally know.” (x)
About Mike & Will
Finn Wolfhard - “Yeah. I think you find out slowly through the season, Will’s kind of love towards Mike and I think it’s a really beautiful thing.” How will Mike handle that? “I don’t think he really knows, I think he’s pretty clueless, but I think there’s a mu- probably a mutual understanding and acceptance.” (x)
Finn Wolfhard - *gets super flustered and keeps looking off screen when asked about Byler* “I don’t know, I’m not sure, I wouldn’t know, I, um, I don’t know really, ‘cause, um, we’re pretty early and. I’m not sure, yeah.” (x)
Charlie Heaton - “There’s definitely moments this season where they [Will & Mike] have been closer, and obviously the poster, he [Jonathan] notices he [Will] doesn’t give it to him [Mike].” (x)
Noah Schnapp - “Obviously Byler is just at its peak right now, they’re building that up, so definitely ship that.” (x)
Noah Schnapp - “They have to keep going, they can’t just end it there. In episode 8 you see Mike and him talk, it’s pretty sad. Then in episode 9 there’s an amazing scene…. you’ll have to see.” (x)
Noah Schnapp - Describes season 4 as “unexpected” and “romantic.” (x)
Noah Schnapp - “I mean, I think he wants his friend, obviously. They kind of lost that, they’re obviously super distant. But I think they’re hinting at something a little more, so I guess we’ll have to sit and see.” (x)
Little Details Matter in Stranger Things
Shawn Levy, Executive Producer - “I’ll just say that there aren’t many accidents on ‘Stranger Things,' ... There is clear intention and strategy and real thought given to each and every character. So, if you came away from Volume 1 feeling those bread crumbs of plot and character, it’s probably no accident.” (x)
Dean Zimmerman, Editor - “Like anything, it’s all those invisible decisions, those millions of decisions we make every day. Should I hang on this this long, should I cut to something, you know?” (x)
Amy Parris, Costume Designer - “So, even if you don’t see a detail, it’s there!” (x)
Amy Parris, Costume Designer - [About Robin,] “I added some triangles and equality symbols to kind of have an easter egg that there’s some LGBTQ+ imagery.” (x)
Jeff T, Subtitles Author - [About “tender emotional music” subtitle] “But going back to the leitmotifs, I really liked using ‘tender emotional music plays.’ Because it’s like, ‘Oh, it’s Joyce and Hopper,’ and it connects these moments of intimacy between characters. Our captions don’t have to be flashy, but they have to speak to the truth of the moment, and I really enjoyed using that consistently.” (x)
Leading toward Season 5
Duffer Brothers - "Going back to the original group of boys plus Eleven, the OG group. And again that's kind of setting up us coming full circle back to season 1 and you'll see that with a couple of the character arcs, not just with Will. Things are not fully resolved. The characters have maybe made steps but the journey isn't over yet and all of that is gonna play a huge role as we wrap this thing up.” (x)
#byler#stranger things#stranger things 4#st cast#noah schnapp#finn wolfhard#mike wheeler#will byers#like i couldnt find the one of charlie heaton saying a byler scene made him emotional slash tear up#so pls help me find that one especially#idc so much about ones just confirming will is gay like WE KNOW THAT ALREADY#cast crumbs#1k+
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I think this is one of my favorite scenes from Heartstopper. And I know so many have already rambled about it but i also want to share my 10 cents
That both Ben and Nick ask Charlie to keep the relationship a secret is of course the same but the motivation is completly different. Ben is keeping the relationship a secret because he ashamed of Charlie, ashamed of himself and actually... he is just using Charlie for his own pleasure.
Nick in contrast to Ben still needs time to figire things out. He is not ashamed of Charlie, actually he is damn proud to be seen with Charlie, because he thinks Charlie is the coolest nerd who ever walked the earth. But he is still figuring out WHO he is and HOW he identifies. And he knows that outing the relationship before he knows for sure who he is, would break him, but also the relationship and he is so dman scared that that will happen.
But he doesn’t know how to articulate that... maybe he doesn’t even really know what he is afraid of, he only knows THAT he is afraid. leading to misunderstandings like that
You can see how he struggles, how super sad he is. Because a) he is forcing Charlie to treat a relationship as a secret... again and he doesn’t want that. B) When Charlie sees how Nick panics, Charlie immeditaly makes sure to say: “No one will find out, trust me”, and Charlie says that with a super nervous voice, afraid that IF someone would find out Nick would drop him immeditaly.
Nick would never do that of course, actually i think Nick would be happy if people would knew about the relationship, it makes him sad Charlie is lying for him, that Charlie thinks he is afraid people might find out and then Nick will run away.
Because the only thing he is feeling is confusion and panic, a feeling he has never felt before, he has no clue how to deal with that, he can not even ask Charlie because Charlie is gay, not bi. He has no one to talk about that feeling, he completly alone, scared, has no clue what to do, what this feeling means, or how to handle it. He is just scared, and he is glad it is still a secret but sad that his fear has a negative influence on a person he loves. And he knows that he could only change that if a) he figure things out and b) has the courage to come out, and he has no clue how long that will take, how and when that will happen, and hence = even more panic and sadness, because he would love to give Charlie security but he can’t even give himself secuirty
But Charlie thinking he is afraid someone might find out about the relationship is the last thing he wants imo
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Heartstopper 2 Ramble (SPOILERS)
I just finished Season 2 of Heartstopper and wow. I had high expectations after Season 1, but I was not prepared for this emotional rollercoaster. The entire cast and crew poured their heart and souls into this project, and I am eternally grateful. I fear I won’t survive Season 3.
First of all, Imogen absolutely killed me. I wasn’t sure about her Season 1, but she won me over. Her reaction to Nick Coming Out was precious and awkward and completely sincere. Her monologue with Ben had me cheering at my little tv, and I actually rooted for her. I’m glad Alice gave Imogen another shot. She deserved it.
I was really worried about Ben’s storyline and how he would play into everything, but I’m SO glad they didn’t make Charlie accept his fake-ass apology. It dripped with manipulation tactics and danger. Good on Charlie for recognizing them and standing up for himself. Him essentially saying that Ben Sexually Abused him was difficult to watch but also so empowering. I’m still not sure if Ben is gay or not, but it really doesn’t matter to me. As Charlie said, Ben permanently broke his brain and he will live with the consequences for the rest of his life. You don’t get your happy rainbow, Ben, because you almost took Charlie’s away. Also, the Paris dinner scene was incredible. Joe Locke did not utter ONE WORD and yet you knew exactly what was going through Charlie’s head.
Speaking of Joe’s incredible acting, the fainting scene was immaculate. I loved the pre-fainting on the stairs and how Charlie ignored it, not wanting to freak out Nick, but it caught up to him quickly. I literally saw the light leave his eyes and his body weight pull him down. The use of the white border, double vision, and audio distortion made it incredibly realistic along with the way Joe let himself fall completely limp in Kit’s arms. You truly believed he was unconscious. My only critique is I wish we had seen him wake up and Nick reassure him he’s safe. Talking about Charlie’s beautiful blue eyes.
Charlie’s ED was handled with gentleness and grace by everyone, but especially Joe and Alice. It was a slow build that made sense and felt realistic without hitting you over the head with it. It’s beautiful to see this misunderstood community represented in mainstream media, especially when it comes to boys’ Mental Health. I loved Nick’s mom picking up on it, even if she didn’t fully understand. Good moms always know.
Tao and Elle were adorable and I loved watching Tao read the WikiHow article and then ask Elle out. Thank God they cut his hair, it was hurting. A lot. I’m glad Elle decided to go to Art School and pursue her dreams, it’s what she deserves. A place where she feels at home and accepted for who she is, where she’s surrounded by like-minded people who love and accept her.
I know Alice has tried to make Jane Spring more likable, but it’s not working for me. Sorry. If you don’t accept your child’s partner, you don’t accept your child. Period. She reminds me of Darcy’s mother. Jane Spring, I am in your walls.
The final scene broke me. It set up Season 3 perfectly while wrapping up the events of this season. Charlie looked so broken and lost admitting what he’d done to himself and Nick had no idea how to help him. So he did what he could, hold Charlie close and remind him that he is loved. Fully and completely. Watching Charlie walk home in Nick’s sweatshirt was like watching Nick carry him home—protecting him from the monsters in his mind. Also, the song that plays (the one that broke my brain) is from Wasia Project, Will Gao’s (who plays Tao) band. So, in a way, Tao was watching over him, too. The stark contrast between the Season 1 ending and this one is startling, but in the best way. Go back and listen to the lyrics of the final song, it will break your heart. “You’re the only one left, so please don’t go.” Nick is terrified that Charlie won’t make it and doesn’t know how he’ll handle losing his entire world. I can’t wait to see the GA’s response (those who didn’t read the comics). This is not the Heartstopper they thought they were getting. But for us who did read, it was nothing short of perfect. Thank you, Alice Oseman and team, you created a masterpiece.
#heartstopper#charlie spring#nick nelson#nick and charlie#tao and elle#alice oseman#heartstopper s2#lgbtqia#mental illness#mental health#heartstopper spoilers#imogen heaney#pride#heartstopper netflix#Boys Get Eating Disorders Too
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LED ME TO THE FLOOR EVEN THOUGH IM NOT A DANCER (you showed me how to enjoy life, to do things that made me happy rather than who i thought i should be. dennis vs sinned. introduced me to a whole new life (charlie and the bar) and i couldn’t be happier. still some part of me thinks i should be Someone Else (life with maureen and mandy) but i know i’m happiest when i’m here with you) ASK ME ALL THE QUESTIONS THAT YOUR PARENTS WOULDNT ANSWER (same vein i showed you the way even though i’d never been. introducing mac to the idea that being gay is okay. pushing him to come out. they both taught eachother a new way of life, how to be happy. things that were hidden in their upbringing. dennis loving country mac because he’s out and comfortable with his sexuality)
HOW COULD I DENY A DIAMOND IN THE ROUGH (dennis inventing someone else to blame for creating the systems he lives his life through and the pain they caused. taking his heart out of his chest and making a diamond. following the dennis system should have made him a diamond, that version of himself “should” have made him into a diamond. if he had applied enough pressure. but it didn’t. it left him in pain. hating himself. wanting to die, desperately wishing to be someone else in every sense of the word (never escaping it). having mac think of making diamonds in the pressure cooker. he’s a genius and well loved by the gang now. he’s come out. how could i deny a diamond in the rough? how could i deny myself of you for so long? i’m the best version of me when i’m with you.) YOU LET ME IN YOUR WORLD UNTIL YOU HAD ENOUGH (macdennis making the closet (that hole in the wall) their home. dennis as an unreliable narrator (what’s actually happening what’s actual long being said and done out loud is hard to keep track of. it’s harder when i know the pains all my fault) we were happy in the closet i would’ve stayed hidden pretending to be other people with you forever. but you came out. and it changed everything) YOU KNEW THAT I WANTED YOU TO BEND THE RULES (it’s not your fault. i pushed you out (and stole the parachute) i forced you to come out. i wasn’t clear. i don’t know how i expected this to work out. shouting and begging for you to just come out but wishing against it every day.) HOW DID I BELIEVE I HAD A HOLD ON YOU (i’m sorry. i don’t know what i expected. i think i’ve spent too long pretending to be someone else, making You into someone else. i need to try and live in reality for once. it’s hard) YOU WERE ALWAYS STRONGER THAN PEOPLE SUSPECTED (i kind of hoped you would fail out of the closet. get malnourished without me. (im the invisible man who can’t stop staring at the mirror. i want to make you as lonely as me so you can get addicted to this) we made the closet our home but then i spun you around, blindfolded and stole your parachute before pushing you out of a moving aircraft. i kind of hoped you would get caught in the trees or splattered on some rocks. but you survived. you thrived out there. started creating a life without me) UNDERESTIMATED AND OVERPROTECTED (i’m sorry i make everyone mean to you. i was too scared they saw how much i liked you so. had to introduce poison (like a thirteen year old with a crush. but i guess that’s all i am with you- happy and in love and excited and terrified and Young again). i promise i don’t hate you really. i don’t think they do either.)
WHEN I WENT AWAY IT WAS THE ONLY OPTION (tends bar a glimpse into dennis Being Real. saying Something out loud. frustrated that the gang couldn’t see him. but mac did. mac could see Though him. that was too scary, it’s childish but it’s true. couldn’t handle the truth. the possibilities that could bring. dennis had been fighting for so long he had to run away (finally take flight) there was no other option. he wasn’t as strong as mac.) COULDNT TRUST MYSELF TO PROCEED WITH CAUTION (the thought of you knowing me was too much. i didn’t know what i would say or do. i’m sorry. i’m selfish if nothing else, but i don’t think that’s new) THE MOST THAT I COULD GIVE TO YOU IS NOTHING AT ALL (i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry. i wish i was someone else. someone better. but that’s all i’ve ever done and look where it’s ended up. i had to leave you get that right. it wasn’t your fault, not really. i’m sorry i pretended it was. and told everyone you were horrible and needy when that’s really me. i wish i could just Say something to you, anything real. but i would tell you anything you wanted to hear cause that’s just who i am. i promise me leaving was better for us both. im afraid i would have killed you and myself if i had stayed. a messed up xerox of romeo and juliet i guess.) THE BEST THAT I COULD OFFER WAS TO MISS YOUR CALLS (to separate entirely. give you a wrong number. try and cut off comepletey so i could be someone else someone new. but of course i still ended up crawling back home. maybe you’ve learnt how to live alone but i’m still weaned on your love.)
#TRY TO WALK AWAY BUT I COME BACK TO THE START!!!!!!!!#hot and heavy#maybeeeeee a hot and heavy edit will have to be in the works#sorry i was ab to explode#macden
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Okay so i did explain to him that the uk version was the original and his comment to that was a very simple ‘not to be a bitch to the tea people but Brian is better’ and then I told him that Charlie Hunnam aka the hot guy from Sons of Anarchy was actually in it and i wish you could see his face! Literally jaw on the floor/wide eyed and he sat like that for a good minute. But that lead to him then going on a 5-10 minute rambling about how Charlie and Aiden worked together in the movie King Arthur so now Gale and Randy have to reunite as well. And i fully agree with him.
Listen, it’s been days since he found out about Gale being straight and he’s still shocked. We did watch the Prom episode and he literally paused on him and went ‘come on..he can’t…man’ he’s literally having a similar reaction as Mikey did to Hunter. It’s kinda funny ngl. As for his ‘i think’ moment, I honestly have no clue what Gale did to him. Our uncle did say to our mom that if this is how he comes to a certain type of realization that he will never let him live it down because my brother made fun of him for realizing he was gay due to young Hugh Grant. So i think out of everyone, my uncle is the only one who is actually hoping my brother had an awakening through Gale.
I have a love hate relationship with the proposal (my brother only has like 2% love for it, the rest is hate but whatever) but the ‘my prince’ thing started a fight in the house when we watched it. Cause to me it was a cute moment but for some reason is felt a little awkward to me. I think cause the whole thing felt out of character, idk how to explain it. But my brother while having an ‘awww’ type of reaction, swears that Brian would never and that the reason for Brian’s expression afterwards is because Gale was trying not to laugh. So his hatred for the proposal is insane.
As for the B99, both of us have seen in multiple times and he put it on last Saturday because he wanted to watch some comfort shows. And then on Wednesday we were watching the Halloween II episode and when the episode ended with Holt winning the heist that’s when my brother got a text from his friend about Andre. It was the worst timing ever. So for the past few days B99 is the only thing we’ve watched.
Btw our family has this tradition where for Christmas we give each other 3 presents. 2 that are good/useful and 1 that’s something random/weird/sometimes bad. And last year he gave me 2 different photos of himself as a present and the 3rd one was a box of condoms (that was his ‘bad gift cause lesbian ha ha and photos of him are always a good gift duuh’- this was his actual explanation). So I’m genuinely considering giving him your blog and the knowledge of the fandom/what i did :/ as the 3rd gift. I told my uncle and cousins and they all think this is a great idea, which leads me to believe its a bad idea BUT i guess we will find out. He does know fandom exists because he’s been watching edits but he doesn’t know about fics and tumblr. So I’m going to slowly let him him know this week. Wish me luck even though i think he’ll handle it okay…ish
UH YES GALE AND RANDY NEED TO REUNITE IN A FILM. Your brother is so wise about this.
I’m lmao literally about his reaction to Gale being straight is Mikey’s reaction to Hunter being straight. So he’s being half drag queen half Italian about the news.
Your uncle realized he was gay to a young Hugh Grant? I’m dyinggggg! My spouse came out to their parents in their bedroom which was papered floor to ceiling with magazine cutouts of Sandra Bullock. And I had Jennifer Anniston all over my room. I guess my point is, we all have the celebrity that makes us go Oh. Oh.
I do think Gale was trying not to laugh, I mean he really looks like he’s about to crack up. The for my prince line is the worst. And if I was Justin — well a lot of things if I was Justin, but I would say no on the basis of that line alone and make Brian go get assessed for a stroke or something.
I watched Halloween II the night I found out about Andre! I watch B99 every night as I’m falling asleep. ACAB and all that but it is my comfort show.
One year my in-laws did a white elephant gift exchange and my BIL thought we were all doing gag gifts so he got boxer briefs and socks printed with his face on them. My spouse “won” them and they’re now in our sock and underwear drawer. All this to say, I think your brother gets to learn about his tumblr fame for Christmas. This year is an in-laws year for Christmas (we alternate, my parents are still salty about 2020 being their year) so if you want to send me updates, I will welcome the distraction. I love my in-laws (and especially my niblings) but I am an only child and my parents are quiet and visiting my in-laws is 8 adults, 3 children, and one dog under one roof and no one is quiet and it is A LOT for me.
I think he’ll handle it okay. Just make sure he doesn’t let the fame go to his head.
Also, Brother Anon if you’re reading this because your sister revealed that she’s been sharing your reactions with the internet - HELLO! YOU ARE VERY POPULAR IN A TEENY TINY FANDOM ON TUMBLR WHICH IS A VERY PARTICULAR TYPE OF FAME.
#ask winderlylandchime#dear sweet anon#queer as folk#a straight man watches qaf us 2000 in the year of our lord 2023
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Captain Oblivious and The Dense-as-Dirt Cowboy
Author: @howtumblrruinedmylife
Artist: @solstheimart
Pairing: Dean/Castiel
Rating: Explicit
Word Count: ~30500
Tropes: friends-to-lovers, AU, slow burn, no supernatural, first time, John Winchester’s A+ parenting, no internalized homophobia, just very oblivious boys in love, hurt/comfort, idiots in love
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Tags: side pairing: Sam/Eileen; addiction, alcoholism, descriptions of addictive behavior, description of the aftermath of a car accident, death of a family member (off screen, non-violent)
Summary:
A new neighbor moves into the house next to Dean’s and before he can say so much as ‘hello’, Cas has crashed right into his life, carved out a spot for himself and Dean can’t imagine it any other way. Cas is probably the best friend Dean has ever had, and since Dean’s life also includes Charlie, that means a lot. It doesn’t stop a lot of people from asking weird questions, though, and at some point, Dean has to face the simple fact: why does everyone assume they are gay?
Excerpt below the cut
“Don’t tell anyone,” Dean says, grinning conspiratorially, “But they all just want to scope you out.” Of course they all mean well and Castiel probably knows all of this, but. “Welcome to Wisteria Lane,” he adds, laughing.
“Is that what you’re doing, too?” Castiel— Cas asks, squinting at Dean, and his straightforwardness is kind of disarming and charming at the same time.
“Oh, always,” Dean admits with a wink, leaning into it. “I’m just brutally honest about it upfront.”
Slowly, Cas nods, accepts that the way he accepted Dean’s earlier sentence, word by word.
Charlie appears beside him again with an already opened bottle of soda for both of them. He thanks her with a nod and a smile and toasts to her, then extends the bottle towards Cas. “Thanks for the invitation.”
“You’re welcome. If I’m being honest, I’m still a bit overwhelmed but I also look forward to getting to know all my new neighbors.” Glass clinks against glass, a sound that Dean tries to ignore.
“Simple, just talk to them like regular, civilized Americans do — can’t run them all over,” he teases instead.
“Well, I wouldn’t have, if they’d looked left, right, left, before crossing the sidewalk,” Cas lobs right back without missing a beat, deadpan.
Dean snorts, taken by surprise, again. So that’s how this guy’s humor works. Dean digs it. “Good thing the police were already on-site to handle the incident, right?”
With a way too serious expression, which is all facade, Cas nods. “Thank you for your service, officer.”
Dean catches his bottom lip between his teeth in order to not smirk. He thinks he knows what’s up, and it’s time to test that theory. “It’s Dean.”
The expression falters, and eventually cracks. “...I knew that.”
Dean raises an eyebrow at Cas, bemused and more than a little smug.
Cas shrugs, averts his eyes. Busted. “I may have forgotten your name, yes. You got me there.”
“At least I don’t need to feel bad for missing half of yours, then.” Dean openly smirks now, can’t be helped. “Guess we’re even.”
For a moment, they just look at each other, then burst out laughing. Cas’ laugh is rough and warm, and it settles, somewhere deep in Dean’s insides. It makes him feel a little lightheaded, but that might be because he always forgets to hydrate properly when he’s on patrol.
Wheezing, Dean offers, “Okay, let’s start over, then? Hello, I’m Dean Winchester, I’m with the KCPD, I’m an aquarius. I like long walks on the beach. Nice to meet you.”
Cas collects himself enough to take Dean’s hand to shake it. His hands are big and dry, and the pressure around Dean’s knuckles is signaling confidence. “Nice to meet you, too. Castiel Novak, former FBI, virgo. I like doing yoga.”
Former FBI. Now there’s an interesting tidbit.
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Okay so I just finished that Heartstopper show everyone was raving about awhile back and...like on a “omg this is cute and gay, I love it” scale, it’s a 9/10, but on a “this show is put together well and has a satisfying message and conclusion” it’s maybe a 7/10.
It bugged the hell out of me that Nick seemingly dropped any and all sense of being an actual person at the very end of the show, and instead just became a prop to make sure they ended the series with Charlie happy instead of borderline-suicidal. Like it sucks because they actually made Nick a good character who’s POV I liked following, but they seriously dropped the ball in the last episode.
Spoilers below:
I’m glad I finished the show before posting because I almost wrote a post about how the show kind of grossly handled Nick’s friends. Even so, they didn’t do great but it was fine. Never mind the fact that his friends are assholes, it just felt really off how easily he was dumping friends left and right, all for the sake of some boy he just met. Again, they’re assholes and he’s right to dump them, but he does it so easily that I’m like what the fuck, aren’t these your friends of like several years?? Anyways, they sort of addressed that in the end, so whatever I guess it’s fine.
But two things that bugged the hell out of me:
1. Tao’s kind of a piece of shit who sort of weaponized “love” against Charlie, and he completely gets away with it too. Charlie had a legitimate reason to not tell him about Nick, that being the fact that Nick wasn’t out yet. Sure, after telling everyone else you could argue that he should’ve told Tao too, but I still think it’s worth pointing out that there was a legitimate excuse not to tell him that was just ignored.
2. The de-characterizing of Nick in the end was insane. I mean I just went off on how they handled his friendships and how he so easily abandoned them, but then the show made a point to actually address that when Charlie outright tells him that he doesn’t expect Nick to drop all his friends, even if they are assholes, but then Nick goes and drops the rugby tournament at the very end just to make Charlie feel better??? Is Nick not allowed to be in the closet? Is he not allowed to have friends?? Is he not allowed to have personal interests and hobbies outside of Charlie??? Like what the fuck, they just completely erase his entire character just to make Charlie feel better. It’s so fucked.
Anyways, cute show I guess. Can’t wait for season two (unironically).
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Heartstopper Live Reaction: Ep. 3 Promise
- Isaac’s book date sounds amazing
- Tao trying to do this for Elle is so good
- Party in the woods…sounds safe
- those boys understanding what they did wrong is so great to see (even if they still have to work to get better)
- NOT THE GOOD MATES THING THATS SO FUNNY I JUST SNORTED
- Great graphics
- I’m glad Nick’s coach is really kind and open with him
- He needs an adult like that
- not Tao going to google for advice
- Okay welcome James
- The end of exams celebration when I go back to school in 10 days is homophobic
- BOOK LOVERS OMFG EMILY HENRY
- My gay teachers ahhhh
- James definitely likes Issac
- Lol boys and girls not sharing rooms rule is so funny they def played that joke perfectly
- Awww Imogen I understand that panic
- AHHHHHHH HES SO CUTE I CANT
- Issac with his hand on his face is so me
- I LOVE ELLE AND TAO IT WAS PERFECT
- His haircut is so cute lol
- The fit is def not for me tho
- Protective tori is my favorite
- The gigantic popcorn is so funny to me omg
- THE TRANS COLORS ON THE CUP
- and Tara is Avoiding Darcy damn
- That crowd scene made me so overwhelmed and I’m alone in my room that’s some good film work
- I knew that promise title would go back to their friendship promise in season 1
- Another promise reference from Tori
- She’s so protective of him
- The biphobia panic is a great true experience I’m so glad that they added that
- Even tho it’s cry
- I love that Charlie is taking care of Nick
- He really went and stood up for Nick against Harry
- Coming out isn’t a one time thing and I’m glad they are telling this story
- God I can’t handle this scene with how everyone treated Kit online
- Crying still
And the angst begins to build!!! There were some great things about being bisexual and the difficulties that comes with!! Nick was really trying to come out but it was definitely not the right area/time! My girl Tori had a larger part this ep and her protectiveness over Charlie is a reoccurring theme this season!! She’s seen him go through so much shit!!! The question of what Elle wants from Tao and how he tried to change for her was really cool too!!!
100/10
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Hey hi hello! If it’s okay with you, may I request the first year gang (separately) dating a male!MC and like it’s their first time dating another guy and like they’re figuring it out. Nothing angsty, lots of fluff, just the boys having a comedic gay crisis at how cute their boyfriend is.
hi anon!! of course you may request first year gang figuring out things with their male! mc boyfriend!!! honestly, there's not enough soft lgbtqia+ stories out there. thankfully things are changing now! i also just had to post this after i finished it!!
i also couldn't help but think of heartstopper when seeing this request. so of course i had to give one of the boys the heartpulling, tearjerking beach scene between nick and charlie. still have not watched it yet because of a lack of time but i will get around to it.
SEBEK ZIGVOLT
dating in general wasn’t something that crossed sebek’s mind. and of course all the media he consumed was centered on men and women. all dating advice was geared towards women. there’s just one problem.
sebek wasn’t dating a woman.
“it’s the fifth date! i have to do something nice.”
no one, not even malleus, could make him go through all this effort. and all this effort for a human? he wouldn’t even consider prior!
sebek was looking at flowers. there were a ton of choices! he was confused as to which ones to get. but then he thought about it. would flowers even be suitable for you, his date? maybe his boyfriend in the future? were flowers too much?! would you think he’s going too fast?! humans were so complicated! the endless possibilities of what could go wrong just by flowers was beginning to cause his eyes to spiral.
lilia put a hand on sebek’s shoulder. “don’t worry too much.” he smiled, as if reading sebek’s mind. “whatever you get (y/n), he will be very happy. he likes you a lot. don’t fret about it. besides, who doesn’t like flowers? if a man can’t handle flowers then he’s not really a man at all. and i think (y/n) likes flowers very much.”
“ah...okay...we’ll go with that one!”
sebek showed up at your doorstep a few minutes early, holding the large flower arrangement he had picked out. his weekly allowance, drained. but that’s okay. anything for you.
you opened the door, still wearing a face mask. you hadn’t anticipated for sebek coming early though. “sebek!”
“i...ummm...i didn’t know which flowers to get you so i got you these!” he exclaims, cheeks going completely red as he looked away.
“sebek! these are lovely!” you exclaim, taking them. you took a deep breath, allowing the scent of the flowers to flood your nose. “and these will do wonders for the dorm. it’s so dead in here. anyways, come in, come in. i just have to get this mask off and then do my skincare routine and then we can leave.”
sebek was just...in awe with your reaction. you were so cute! flowers were so romantic after all.
he didn’t need to worry.
ACE TRAPPOLA
today was just a night in for the two of you. ace was sitting down, scrolling on magicam until he noticed you bringing out a few comics he’s never seen before. he had to crawl over next to you to take a look. “what are those?”
“comics!” you exclaim. “i don’t know how they managed to come here? but these are the ones i had back at home! look! this one is about scarlet witch aka. wanda maximoff! she’s such a cool character. i wanted to be her for halloween when i was a kid once.” you rubbed your chin in thought.
“a witch? what kind of magic does she use?” he skimmed the pages. “whoa!”
“cool right? she can rewrite reality.” a devious expression appeared on your face. “if i could rewrite reality i’d make every food azul ate takoyaki!” your eyes turned into stars.
“(y/n)! that’s cold!” he exclaims. “how come i never knew my boyfriend could be this way?”
“because you don’t know me like i do.” you smirked. “oh! this one is the pride issue of superman aka. jon kent. he’s got a boyfriend! and this one is the issue for red robin and his boyfriend! they’re quite cute!”
ace took the comic books, looking at them and then you as you were pulling out comic after comic.
“this one’s the nubia pride edition. nubia’s my favorite hero alongside red robin! and this one is harley quinn and poison ivy! the original superhero couple! and i think i have a lot more...” you dug through. “oh! doom patrol is also great!”
you stopped, looking at ace who was looking at the covers. they were romantic, cute. they reminded him of the times where you guys had climbed onto the roof of ramshackle and you laid your head on ace’s lap, similar to this pride cover. “is something wrong?”
“no...” he looked up at you. his cheeks were dusted pink. “i...i’m not used to relationships you know. and you’re the first guy i’ve ever dated. but it feels a lot more right. if that makes sense! i mean i don’t mean any offense to the girls i dated before you i...you make me feel good. like this!” he pointed to the red robin cover. “this is us! and i don’t know...no one else makes me feel this way.”
“awww! you’re so cute!” you wrap your arms around his shoulders. “you’re the bernard to my tim drake!”
“wait but i wanna be the superhero!”
“no. that’s me.” you smile. “besides, i’m the one who saves you from danger most of the time anyways. which makes me your super-boyfriend!”
“super-boyfriend...i like that a lot.”
DEUCE SPADE
deuce had honestly spent too much time being a punk than dating. there was that one time in middle school when he dated a girl in his class. but did that really count? no one counted middle school relationships for a reason.
despite getting into a relationship, he was still focusing on his studies. the two of you were peers trying to study alchemy so you both can pass crewel’s class and not have to deal with the punishment.
except the two of you absolutely sucked at it.
after about an hour, you guys had basically given up. you fell asleep on your textbook after your brain refused to absorb the words on the page.
“oh. he’s got goosebumps...” deuce noticed that today was a bit chilly and you weren’t wearing too many layers. grim had said you did not believe in undershirts.
“i...do you put jackets on your boyfriend?” deuce questions. lots of men he’s encountered would say no. that goes against masculinity. but what’s the point of being masculine if you’re going to get sick? or just be uncomfortable in general?
there was something calming about the fact that you fell asleep in his presence. it meant you trusted him and that you felt safe with him.
deuce removed his jacket and placed it on your shoulders, making sure to have it on your body as much as possible. your shivering ceased.
“there. now i’ll clean this up...” he began picking up the books until hearing you mumble.
“mom...you should meet my boyfriend...you’d like him...” you turn your head. “he’s sweet...caring...got a bit of a temper but it’s more funny...i think you’d get along...”
his heart swelled upon hearing that. boyfriend!! boyfriend!! you called him your boyfriend! you were so cute too when you talked in your sleep.
“ah! wait that sounds creepy!” deuce’s face went red before he continued to clean up the workspace. the last thing he’d want is to scare you away.
you made him happy. and he didn’t want that to go away.
EPEL FELMIER
going to harveston was a lot better than staying back at the school for winter break, being left alone with the octotrio and grim in the rundown ramshackle dorm. you were surprised to hear from epel that his grandmother in particular wanted to invite you.
“how does she know about me?” you ask.
“well i...i told her about you in my letters to her.” epel’s face goes pink with embarrassment.
“well i hope you wrote good things!”
“don’t worry.” he smiles. “i only grot great things.”
your cheeks went hot. “i wasn’t expecting that.” you laugh.
epel was about to knock when the door opened, revealing his grandmother. “epel! (y/n)! you’re here! and you are just as handsome as i imagined you to be.”
“awww. well thank you miss. felmier.” your cheeks grow hotter.
“come in, come in.” she shuffled back inside. “epel’s told me all about you! well most of his letters were worries about how to impress you and what boys you age like nowadays. i told him to rely on the basics. they’re still around because they work!”
“grandma...” epel muttered as he closed the door behind you two.
“there’s nothing to be embarrassed about. you know, he was all tongue tied about confessing.”
“really?” you raised an eyebrow. epel was pretty confident approaching you. a little awkward but who wouldn’t be when confessing to their crush?
“he didn’t know if he should be more upfront or subtle. i told him upfront is always the best.” she poured you a cup of hot tea and handed it to you. “he also had a rather tough time figuring things out. in the end, i told him it’s whatever his heart desires. and if it desires you, then so be it.”
“awwww.” you turned to epel. “you’re such a softie~”
“i am not!” his face was red. “just...okay...only for you.”
JACK HOWL
beach dates were not your favorite. you disliked the sand getting everywhere, especially in your bags. and after you left and went home, you’d find sand in places where it wasn’t supposed to be. but a beach date with jack? it wasn’t so bad.
jack hadn’t thought much about dating you. it was his first time dating a guy, yes. and also his first time dating in general (middle school and elementary school didn’t count). sitting in silence, however, gave him the space to think.
you guys have been dating for a few weeks now...did that make you boyfriends?
but what if you didn’t consider jack your boyfriend yet? what if you wanted to take it slow? jack didn’t mind but thinking about the possibility of making you uncomfortable made shivers run down his spine.
that was the one thing he didn’t want to do.
“jack? jack?”
“huh?” he turned to you. you had opened the container of fruit you brought. he had watched you open up a melon with your bare hands and without breaking a sweat. it was very attractive and he had to go to the bathroom to put water on his face because it was so hot.
“you want some fruit? you said you were hungry on our way here.”
“oh...yeah. you don’t have to feed me you know.”
“why? you’re my boyfriend! i have to take care of you!”
“boy...boyfriend...” he blinked. you were smiling widely, holding a fork with a melon piece attached to it. “i like being your boyfriend...you’re my boyfriend...” he smiles.
your own cheeks go hot. “i am.”
“that makes us boyfriends.” his smile grows wider before he leans in and takes the melon piece in one bite. he tried to say something with his mouth full but you couldn’t get it.
“what was that?”
“i love being boyfriends.” he wraps his arms around you and buries his face in your neck. “it’s comforting.”
#twisted wonderland#twst#disney twst#disney twisted wonderland#diasomnia#heartslabyul#pomefiore#savanaclaw#sebek zigvolt#deuce spade#ace trappola#epel felmier#jack howl#twst first years#male mc#male yuu#male reader
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random dead poets society things from the fourth viewing by someone who’s been obsessed with this movie for seven months:
- “mr. keating’s spotify would be so boring it’s just ALL THE SAME SONG.” - my friends and i talking about keating and his obsession with the 1812 overture
- i just realized that when neil’s shirtless in the locker room he has a bunch of freckles on his shoulders which first of all,, 🥺🥺🥺,,, but also,, now i have a neil and cam freckle buddies agenda
- mr. dalton you are so bisexual it astounds me
- charlie’s projecting with the “to feel tall” reply i don’t make the rules
- there’s two scenes that i interpret as characters stimming and they make me so unreasonably joyful (the first one is charlie’s little jump at the end of the “then i saw the congo” scene and the second is neil smiling and stomping his feet a bunch after getting cast as puck)
- chameron being on the rowing team together <3 but also why is cam wearing a sweater while rowing that seems dumb,,
- this has been said time and time again but: neil fucking perry invented ‘no ❤️’ and i love him so goddamn much for it
- the scene where neil is telling everyone he got puck makes me absolutely feral,,,, the happy neil,, the supportive friends,,, the charlie and cameron in pajamas in their room together,,,, the anderperry,,,,,, it’s too much :,)
- charlie’s “TO INDEED BE A GOD” is my favorite thing ever,, he truly is one of the most Characters.
- god chameron is just. they are so. yeah. i love them. they are my everything.
- screaming and wailing and gnashing my teeth the sweaty-toothed madman scene makes me go insane
- but god do i wanna hear neil, cam, and charlie’s poems……… that’s what fanfiction is for
- forever and always thinking about the Neil Perry In Love face
- never in my entire life am i getting over the “poetrusic” scene,,, it’s just so good and i love charlie so much,,,,,, the energy of the bad saxophone with the good poetry and the franticness of the poem matching the sound and then the abrupt change to the smooth and beautiful music.. it’s so amazing <3
- i go a little bit insane when cameron, neil, charlie, or todd smile/laugh….. these boys just deserve everything and i would give anything for them to be happy 🥺🥺
- somehow i’d forgotten about the desk set scene and now i’m. :,). they are boyfriends your honor.
- charlie dalton is so important to me,,,, i know he’s objectively an asshole when he brings the girls to the cave but the way he chooses to resolve it.. with the phone call and everything that follows……… i have so many emotions about it and him,,, that’s my comfort white boy
- i think there’s a point where keating calls charlie ‘ace’?? and if i’m correct than that’s the cutest shit i’ve ever heard 🥺
- everytime i watch this movie i get a little concerned by how much i project onto neil,, as a sad gay theatre kid whose parents are more concerned about my academics than my acting opportunities…… it hits a little too close to home,,,
- even though i’ve watched this three times before, i managed to block the ending from my mind as i was watching until like,, the start of the play and then i just started panicking like ‘oh FUCK oh SHIT here’s where shit’s about to go down’
- i am constantly being destroyed by the neil and charlie friendship,, watching charlie be so excited to see neil in the play that he stands up upon seeing him hurts so goddamn bad when you know what’s coming… not to mention the “he’s good. he’s really good.”/“i was good. i was really good.” parallel because.. jesus fucking christ i can’t handle that!!!!!!!!!
- neil’s so happy right before he leaves with his dad… i hate knowing what that post-show high feels like, it makes it so much worse to see everything come crashing down around him
- i am forever thinking about how the music that plays as they go to their first dps meeting is the same music that plays during neil’s suicide. absolutely awful parallel, i hate it here.
- the amount of Thoughts i have on cameron not being there when todd finds out about neil’s death/not being in the snow with them all afterwards is…… Astronomical.
- charlie not singing at neil’s funeral is something that can be so personal.
- fucking hell the end of this movie is bad enough without shipping chameron, i do not need all this additional pain holy shit
- i really. Can Not Handle the fact that the last time we see charlie is when he punches cameron.
so yeah. agony, suffering, absolutely devasting, i love it so much, they make me so fucking happy.
#i will never stop having Thoughts and Feelings about this fucking movie#and i will never quite be able to articulate just how strongly it makes me Feel#this is so long and chaotic ahsktkfjskfjk i’m sorry#dead poets society#dps#chameron#anderperry#charlie dalton#neil perry#eli.posts
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PO Box 8921
“What is that?” Dean demands as Sam dumps a duffel bag full of mail out on the war table.
Cas looks up from his tome on Babylonian chaos magic or Shang dynasty dragon taming or whatever he’s moved onto now. All Dean knows is that the book smells like rotting flowers and mouse shit, so he banished Cas to the other end of the war table.
“Fan mail,” Sam says.
Cas sets down his book and walks closer.
Dean throws Sam a baffled look. “Why the hell are we getting fan mail?”
“It’s more like we’re getting Chuck’s fan mail,” Sam says sheepishly.
“Explain. Now.”
Cas picks up a letter curiously.
Sam sighs. “The last time Charlie was here, we hacked Flying Wiccan Press - Chuck’s old publisher - and we redirected his mail and royalty checks to a local PO box. I figured if anyone deserves money off those books, it’s us.”
“I thought his books tanked,” Dean says flatly.
Sam scowls. “It had a resurgence after the angels came into the picture,” he says with a sidelong look at Cas, who’s apparently absorbed in reading a note from Vancouver, British Columbia.
“Seriously?”
Sam shrugs. “They’re very compelling, apparently. I’ve been checking it every very few months, but two days ago I got a call saying they were running out of space.”
“Why?” Dean picks up a large flat envelope and rips it open. “What the…?” he murmurs. He slides out a matte illustration of the Impala driving down a nameless highway, golden swaying wheat fields bracketing both sides of the road, a fading sunset illuminating the horizon. His mouth falls open.
Sam takes a seat and pulls Dean’s laptop towards him.
“I was doing research,” Dean says quickly as Sam flips it open.
Sam takes one look at the screen, grimacing, before he clicks the mouse forcefully. “Really, Dean?” he gripes. “Cas was right there.”
Dean raises his eyebrows, smirking. “Exactly. I needed to know if he thought-”
“No,” Sam says, horrified. “I do not want to know.”
“You asked about the research.”
Sam’s does a full-body recoil. “That was not what I meant and you know it.”
Dean chuckles. He sets aside the beautiful painting of his baby (that one’s going in the Dean Cave for sure) and picks up the next package of similar size and weight. He eagerly tears off the top and pulls out the contents. It takes him a second, but the trenchcoat slipping off the figure’s shoulders is a dead giveaway.
“Hey!” Dean says, spinning it around to show to Cas. “I think it’s supposed to be you.”
Cas looks up from another letter - this one from Wellington, OH - and tilts his head. “My wings aren’t rainbow colored. They’re actually a color not perceptible by human eyes - maybe by some genetically mutant shrimp -”
Dean laughs. “You don’t have an eight pack either. It’s all artistic license, baby.”
“Aha!” Sam says, spinning the computer around, the porn tabs banished to the void of Dean’s browser history. “The fans reached a milestone last week.”
“What mile-” Dean cuts himself off as another illustration slips out behind the one of Cas. It flutters to the table.
“Is that of us?” Cas asks curiously, reaching for it. He holds it up.
“No way,” Dean says vehemently as he shuffles around to stare at it over Cas’s shoulder.
“Probably,” Sam pipes up.
Dean glares over at him. “How do you know that, Samantha?”
“That milestone?” Sam says, his face an odd mix of smug and constipated. “There are a hundred thousand fan fiction stories, as of last Monday.”
Dean blinks. “Fan fiction?”
“Yeah, a lot of it.” Sam sets aside the laptop and reaches for a nearby letter in a robin’s egg blue envelope.
Dean takes a large step away from the pile of half-opened mail like it just started emitting Sam’s toxic post-Chipotle farts.
“Are we - are they - is it more Sam slash Dean?” Dean asks in a faint voice.
Sam smirks. “Not this time. Like I said,” he says as he scans his letter, “the readers really liked the angels.”
Dean makes a choked noise in the back of his throat. Do all these letters wax poetic about Cas? That’s a lot of people that have thought about his angel naked. And that doesn’t sit right with Dean. “Why?” he demands.
Sam throws him a sharp look. “Why not? Cas is our best friend. He’s a good dude.”
Dean glances to Cas for reassurance, who shrugs as if to say he doesn’t understand it any more than he does.
“So they, like, have a thing for angels?” Dean asks haltingly. “An angel kink?”
Cas scowls.
“Not all angels, just Cas,” Sam confirms. “Plus love interest.”
Dean shifts his weight to his other foot. “Right… you and Cas?” Dean ventures as Cas sighs loudly next to him.
Sam rolls his eyes and pushes a letter towards Dean. “No, not me and Cas, jerk.”
Dean picks it up tentatively. He really can’t handle reading about a fictional version of himself banging Cas, but before he can flip the letter open, Cas nudges him with his elbow. “Sam’s right. This one is obviously of us,” he says, tilting the drawing so Dean can get a full view.
It takes a moment for Dean to get what he’s seeing. Everyone in the illustration is fully clothed, first of all. It shows a darkened, windowless room. An outsized television illuminates the three figures watching an episode of Scooby Doo. One of the men is sprawled out on a recliner, Sam’s long, hippie hair a dead giveaway. Another man is asleep in the second recliner, covered in a draped trenchcoat - Cas? No, there's a third guy standing above the second, his elbows braced on the back of the recliner, his fingers tangled in Dean’s hair as Dean sleeps on.
“This is very sweet,” Cas rumbles.
Dean picks up the letter Sam handed him, his face flaming. “Unrealistic,” he grunts.
“Really,” Sam says flatly as he reaches for the illustration. He whistles as he takes it in. “Nice light composition. And what are you talking about? We watched Scooby Doo like three days ago in the Dean Cave.”
“I’d never fall asleep in front of the TV,” Dean says scornfully. “That’s a disgrace to Scoob.”
Cas makes a noise that Dean hopes is a cough, but judging by Sam’s smirk was probably more of a snort.
Dean flips open the letter, and, to his surprise, it doesn’t start with contrived porn dialogue.
Dear Mr. Edlund,
I’ve been a follower of your work for many years, and I have admired and rooted for Team Free Will, especially for Dean and Castiel’s relationship. Despite all the pain, despite destiny itself working against them, they found each other and created something that resonated with thousands of people. They truly have a profound bond that transcends every barrier imaginable, and it gives me hope.
Dumbfounded, Dean reads on, shutting out Sam and Cas completely.
He swallows thickly as he sets the letter down.
“Dean?” Cas asks, concerned. “Are you alright?”
Sam drops his joking expression. “You good?”
Dean nods.
“No matter how your story started out,” Sam says slowly, “you won. And it seems like you did a lot of good along the way.” He gestures to the pile. “More than just saving people from monsters.”
Cas lays a hand on Dean’s shoulder and squeezes. “Apparently I am a gay icon now,” he says, his face completely serious.
Dean cracks up. Wiping at his eyes, he grabs another letter at random. “We’d better get going on the rest of these. The faster we read ’em, the faster Sam can reply.”
Sam’s face falls. “Wait, no-”
#destiel#destiel fanfic#fanfic#rae writes fic#post series#established relationship#deancas100k#profoundnet#canon divergence
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Hot Blood
This was written as a request for an anon who asked:
hi! i was wondering if you could write a dean fic where he’s with the reader in their car and hot blood by kaleo comes on, the reader sings along, their voice is really good, and dean realizes he’s in love w the reader
First of all, great song! I hadn’t heard a ton of Kaleo before, but I’ve put them into my rotation so thanks for the recommendation! I hope it’s okay that I took a few liberties with the format because it felt right with the angle; it’s from Dean’s point of view so the reader is in third person.
Title: Hot Blood
Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader
Word Count: 1251
Summary: Hearing the reader sing along to Kaleo makes Dean realize his feelings about her are a lot more complex than he’s ever realized.
Warnings: swearing, pining, fluff, sexual frustration?
“The fuck is this?” Dean asks as she turns up the radio.
“The band’s called Kaleo—you’ll like them, they’re from Iceland!” she yells, starting to groove and hum along as the volume starts pounding through the speakers. She doesn’t hear when he repeats her—Iceland?
When she starts singing along to the radio her voice is somehow not what he expected—lower? Higher? He can’t even really tell, but that wasn’t the thing anyway, it’s that she’s…haunting. That’s it. The song is up tempo, the kind of rock beat he can tolerate even if it’s a poor facsimile of the greats, and that’s the crux of the hypnosis as she sings. Somehow, even howling along to a repetitive chorus, wind blowing the hair back from her face with the window of the Impala cracked a few inches, sides of her thumbs tapping the drumline out over the thighs of her jeans, it’s like she’s chanting a spell, triggering that deep-primal interconnectedness of a particularly vicious exorcism or bit of creation magic.
Maybe that’s just the closest he can get to placing it. The shock of how fucking good she is notwithstanding—and she is seriously good, makes Dean think of Janis and Chrissie Hynde and maybe even Joni Mitchell who he knows is a genius even if he might never admit it aloud—appreciating a killer singer never makes Dean feel like this, like he has to consciously focus on the road after the hundreds of thousands of hours he’s driven in his life for the way his brain wants to forego everything else on earth for that fucking voice.
Thank God for the bridge or Dean might’ve missed the turn, nothing else on the miles of wheatfields surrounding them he could even pretend to be distracted by but her. As it is, he takes it a little tight, and she smoothly reaches a hand through the open window to brace herself on the doorframe as the Impala carves out some rural dirt. Momentum shifts her a few inches across the leather toward him, sweet-salty shampoo and cherry chapstick scent of her dusty in the dry late summer afternoon wrapping him up like a boa constrictor, like tentacles, and he’s gotta immediately stop that connection because tying this moment to his Japanese erotica is going to fry his brain so bad he might actually have to pull over.
“See? I knew you’d like it,” she half-howls over the radio, laughing like nothing in this world matters except whether Dean’ll listen to some dumb song for her, and the sliver of tongue that catches the glisten of sunlight as she does is making Dean feel sort of queasy the way he did at 16, snuck into a bar with his dad as a reward for a hunt gone well and trying his best not to stare at the soft swells of the bartender’s body as she shook a tumbler of Vegas bombs, winking at him from across the room. John had made some half-joke about being careful with girls like that and Dean knew he was just being confronted with his son growing up, but he’d heard him loud and clear—a girl like that will drive you crazy, make you eat yourself up with want from the inside out. In that bar he’d been grateful for the low lighting and high top table to shield the physical weakness of his want but he’s a grown ass man now and he thinks maybe going crazy wouldn’t be so bad, maybe he could throw Baby in park and all the good karma he’s ever racked up would bless him in that moment, let him taste that tongue catching tiny sparks of sun beautiful and dirty and impossible to resist like a diamond from the dark mine of her mouth, feel that fucking voice vibrate under his fingertips as he tangled himself into the brambles of her.
And then the bridge is over. She’s turned the volume back up and is pulling exaggerated rock star faces as she sings to him. It takes a second before Dean realizes smile you fucking idiot and is sure he’s grimacing, hopes that the sunny day is enough to cover the flush he can feel in his cheeks and what the fuck is wrong with him? She’s not a siren, not some fuck-you-so-good-you-don’t-care-if-she-boils-your-bunny chick across a smoky bar, those jeans aren’t magic and in fact they were washed with his, ‘I don’t want to do a whole load, just let me throw my shit in with yours’ while she sat on the laundromat counter in worn cartoon pajama pants. That tongue—fuck, her tongue, why does this fucking song have so many “L” sounds in it—is the same one that sticks out round and juvenile like Charlie Brown’s when she’s reading something complicated.
When the song ends Dean’s white knuckling the steering wheel like he’s in a tropical storm and he can’t help but feel relieved. Back to the safety of his tapes, who would never try to pull whatever black magic bullshit that was on him. He takes a deep breath and promises himself to get laid at the next chance he gets lest he seriously fuck up like some hormone-stupid teenager. She’s put in a Chicago B side and he says a silent prayer because that’s exactly the kind of soft-sappy he needs to counteract this. Enough even that he trusts himself to confirm that it’s over, that momentary frenzy nothing but a blip of testosterone fueled by her disclosing a hidden talent. Maybe he can even compliment how well she sings without sounding like he wants to crawl inside her.
He almost does a double take when it’s still—like that, filter of unbelievable need unmoved from any part of her and he wants to fucking eat her alive, let her flay him open and wear him like a coat if that’s what she wants and he knows he is so fucked. She’s turned down Chicago to tell him something cool Sam figured out about snow spirits and yeti mythology the other day and it’s all he can do to focus on the right times to make vaguely affirmative noises or smile, because he’s trying to work out in his head how he’s going to be able to keep his brother from reading on his face how bad he’s got it the second they walk through the motel door. For all he knows Sam is going to say some slick shit about how he’s happy Dean’s finally figured it out for himself, the fucking know-it-all.
It takes a second for him to catch it when she asks him a question, and she looks a twinge concerned when he doesn’t respond right away. Gonna have to do better than that, dumbass. “Sorry, what?”
“You feeling okay? You look like you’re going to be sick.”
Not if I can help it. “Yeah, sorry. Just, ah, need a sandwich or something, I’m starving.”
She throws her head back into the seat to laugh and a million coins pouring out of a Vegas jackpot couldn’t sound more precious. “We ate like an hour ago!” She shakes her head teasingly back at him, wide smile beaming like a dentist’s ad. “I fucking love you, dork.”
He knows it’s not what she means, but he lets the words make his blood run hot.
-
Thanks again for reading! If you liked it, check out my Masterlist or send me a request!
Tags: @sams-sass @vxnderlindes @deanwinchesterswitch @akshi8278 @itsjensenanddean @flannellover67 @weepingwillowphoenix @tj-drinks-tea @whatareyousearchingfordean @winchest09 @winchestergirl2 @samwisethegr8 @nobxdy @nurse-sarahrn @lovers-in-japan-reign-of-love @deanwanddamons @stressedoutkitten @winchestershiresauce @tatted-trina6 @percico-heronstairs @downanddirtydean @queenoftheunderdark @lyarr24 @wonder-cole @that-one-gay-girl @fairlyspnfanfic @treat-winchesterswith-kindness @mimaria420 @muchamusedaboutnothing @pvnsie @dean-winchester-is-a-warrior
And as always, if you want to be on my taglist, were on the taglist and changed your handle, or I lost track of it, please let me know!
#dean winchester#dean winchester x reader#dean winchester x you#dean fanfiction#dean one shot#dean x reader#dean winchester oneshot#dean winchester fluff#dean x you#dean reader insert#dean winchester reader insert#spn reader insert#spn fic#spn fanfiction#spn oneshot#spn fluff#spn#supernatural#supernatural fanfiction#supernatural fic#supernatural fluff#dean pining#pining!dean
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Castiel - First on his mind - 13x01 - 13x05 - Destiel Canon in Early Season Thirteen
So I’m still not over this. The confession before the confession. This is the moment that I completely stopped questioning whether Destiel was canon. At the end of season 12 Dean has just lost everyone but Sam at once. There is not much whiskey spilled for Crowley, and Sam is unwilling to accept the loss of Mary, but neither of those are what Dean is focused on.
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Dean prays to god - to chuck - I think for the only for only the second time in the entire series. Dean prays in earnest for the return of Castiel. He mentions others but he has just lost his mother and yet his first demand is “and now you’re going to bring HIM back. You’re gunna bring them all back.”
Dean mentions everyone, his family, bobby, even Crowley, but he starts with Castiel. It parallels Castiel’s first version of the 15x18 deathbed confession in 12x12. “I love you. I love all of you.” A mirrored response.
Below the cut for full analysis of Dean’s prayer, grief, and closet themes in the first 1/4 of season 13.
Dean’s prayer goes unanswered and he beats the door up in a visual homage to brokeback mountain (x). It is at this point chronologically that Dean completely loses his shit. In the car on the way to the pirate stop Dean is unable to say the words out loud.
“Let’s see, Crowley’s dead, Kelly’s dead, Cass is... ... Mom’s gone, and apparently the Devil’s kid hit puberty in 30 seconds flat.”
Sam asks if Cass is really dead and unable to say those words Dean goes stoic as he can and says, “you know he is.” Dean’s upset, very upset, and that grief and anger is not focused on Mary.
Dean gains a tiny instantaneous moment of hope from a demon who then completely smashes it.
After his prayer Dean becomes completely inconsolable, an angry vengeance machine, the killer he used to project himself to be. The change is supposed to be such a plot point, such a surprise twist, that it is only revealed LATER that it happened. Such a major plot point that it must be teased and foreshadowed, with Sam asking Dean, “Dude, whatdiyou do to your hand?” Giving the viewer their third clue that Dean did not have this cut on his hand from the fight with Lucifer and Jack.
Dean spends five full episodes without Castiel after dropping to his knees beside Castiel in 12x23, and in that time we see Dean unravel.
In 13x01 he no longer cares about secrecy, immediately explaining the situation to the sheriff. We see him choosing to approach Castiel’s body alone, looking upon him with such deep pain, tenderly wrapping, pausing multiple times to steel himself so he can finish that task. Sam continues to get more and more concerned for Dean’s mental state. Dean taking out his anger and rage and grief all on newborn Jack who continues to do nothing wrong and idolizes Dean.
We see Dean drink himself under the table, rage against Sam and Jack, and actually become suicidal, killing himself in an unnecessary way with a flimsy excuse. Billie sees it and notes something has changed. He no longer believes he can win and no longer wants to live.
At the shifter Psychiatrist, Dean says that Sam is delusional because Sam won’t admit that Mary is dead, “If he admits it then it’s real. If it’s real, then he has to deal with it, and he can’t handle that.” Yet we repeatedly see Dean trails off unable to say the words that Castiel is dead. This is not how Dean has reacted to the loss of Sam, John, Mary, Charlie, or any other familial loved one.
In his loss of Castiel, Dean becomes John in the aftermath of his loss of Mary. Dean becomes the abusive father to Jack that he himself grew up with. Jack has a moment of self harm and Dean ‘comforts’ Jack by telling him he’ll kill him so he can’t hurt anyone else.
Jody’s Speech to Patience - In Contrast to Dean’s
In addition to Dean’s grief the writers show Dean struggle with his identity - with whether to stay in the closet. In the third episode of the season - Patience - Dean tells Patience to deny who she really is.
“This life, [hunting] there’s no joy in it there’s nothing but pain horror and death. So if you get a chance at normal, you take it.”
Jody corrects Dean. In disbelief. “You don’t have to listen to him, to either of them if it’s not what you really want.” Jody then talks about her daughter Claire, her gay daughter Claire.
“I asked her to stay in line, to fight who she really was ‘cause I thought it would keep her safe. It didn’t work. It never does. ... you try to force it down to make someone else happy, you will only make yourself miserable.”
If that isn’t a blatant acknowledgement of the metaphor I don’t know what is. This stopped being subtext and became... text. Jody has dropped Dean clues about overcoming toxic masculinity before. In 12x06 Jody and Dean talked about big feelings, and that conversation was preceded by Dean beings shocked that Jody could be both badass & like chick flicks at the same time. She’s been teaching him. However, this time was much more directly and specifically about coming out of the closet, about living in a way that is true to yourself.
After the loss of Castiel, the Dean that had developed over 12 years was gone - and he only returns upon the return of Castiel, right in time for tombstone.
Meanwhile we get Castiel’s side - where he is being tortured by the Empty with his love for Dean and his fear that Dean doesn’t love him in return.
Everytime Dean can't say Cas is dead I die a little inside.
"...no matter who we lost, whether it was Dad or -- or Bobby or... And I would take the hit."
"...and now Mom and ... and Cas... And I -- I don't know. I don't know."
Dean was in love with Cas. Dean is bisexual. Dean has spent 12 years unwilling to admit it.
Dean had been repeatedly lit in orange in the car rides, but the second he believes Castiel is alive his face is inexplicably relit in white light.
We then come to the final shots of the episode - where the camera COMPLETELY IGNORES SAM and focuses exclusively on zoom in reaction shots between Dean and Castiel while “It’s never too later to start all over again” plays in this conclusion to a five episode romantic longing and grief arc completely platonic reunion between two dude bros.
We also see the Orange Light / Dean’s Ongoing Fear of Loss Motif come to it’s climax, the burning of Castiel’s body (13x01), and Castiel’s return (13x05).
I legitimately don’t know what the writers thought they were doing if they WEREN’T explicitly writing a romance story.
It was much later that we learned there was an angle we never got of their reunion, where Dean was cupping Cas's face and neck in his right hand.
But we do get the look on Dean's face in 13x06 when he's able to get his arms around Cas after he's deflected and called Cas 'Pal' again, Gif via @inacatastrophicmind
Bonus - Dean’s stages of grief by @mariethalienne
#Destiel#deancas#spn headcanon#spn meta#spn orange motif#spn queercoding#dean was always bi#spn toxic masculinity#dean winchester#fav#Original Content#spn rewatch#spn 13x01#spn 13x04#spn 13x05#spn tinhatting#dean is bi#destiel was always canon#spn film studies#spn 13x06#spn 13x03#spn 13x02#spn 12x12#spn 12x06#spn 15x18#tw thoughts of suicide#dean getting bi#supernatural#long post#casdean
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Hi! I'm a gay fan of 911 and I have a question about the whole Buddie fandom. As much as I like Buck and Eddie, it's frustrating that a HUGE part of the fandom is pushing for these two characters to get together instead of putting energy into supporting Hen & Carla and Michael & Dave. Not to mention Carlos and TK in Lone Star. Can you explain to me the appeal of wanting these two men together? Wouldn't it be more interesting to see two heterosexual males just be able to bond in a non-toxic fashion? That's something we don't get to see often on television.
Hey! This is MAD long lmao I am so sorry! You caught me on a day I felt like talking! Also this took like a year to answer you lolololol. This does have a few ʻhot takesʻ so please be warned! So like in this essay....
So first I am also apart of the LGBTQIA+ community, so I do understand how it could come across as a fetish or being non supportive of the current canonically LGBTQIA+ characters, however I think a lot of the interest around Buddie and the want for them to be confirmed as a couple is how they are being written. Me personally I knew since s2 e1 Buck and Eddie were written not as rivals but as two people who would eventually become friends, but it wasn’t until the Christmas episode with the elf assuming Buck was Chris’s dad and Eddie’s partner that I was like ‘hold on!’ because I was really hoping Abbey would return and I didn’t see Eddie as a possible Buck live interest because of that. The elf’s comment wasn’t played off like most other shows would (think Dean and Sam arriving anywhere in Supernatural) it made me go back and look at the other episodes to see exactly how Buck and Eddie were being framed/written. And as we have moved into further seasons I think there has been a shift in how Buddie is being written, in s3 it was very much like two people progressing into a deeper friendship then the blood clot/lawsuit gets in the way and they both have to deal with emotions surrounding that, then Buck’s response to Eddie being trapped (we see how is he when Boddy is trapped in a fire WITH A GUNMAN, it’s emotional but not to the point is is with Eddie), even the love interests feel very pushed on us and there’s so little banter between Buddie about their gfs and how they feel about these new beginnings. It feels off, not like a friendship in the slightest, more like two people trying to force something and not wanting to deal with any other feelings. Then when Eddie gets shot and reveals Buck is Chris’s legal Guardian in the event Eddie dies, that’s huge, and he did this after only a year of knowing Buck (I have friends with kids. I’ve known one of them for FIVE years, I’m at their house every week, the kid calls me family. I’m person #10 on the list of ‘who gets my kid if I die’, not #1 lol) It just feels like it’s all building up to something, and people are getting tired of waiting for that something! We’re all emotionally tired from the past two years, and probably from many shows queerbaiting us and this is something that could happen, seems to be something the actors are ok with and the fans want. So why do they keep drawing it out. This isn’t about us demanding they ignore the chance to write a healthy platonic male friendship, or forcing two characters to be gay, it’s about holding the writers to what they’ve implied and seeing what could come of it.
Also think of it like this; If Buddie is confirmed it will still be a good example of a healthy friendship which then developed into something else, like Booth/Bones! Showing the natural progression of friendship to relationship that happens a lot in real life. It’s two men who previously (on screen at least) have only been with woman, but now they have an emotionally connection with someone which they then develop and explore. This could be 911’s first nontoxic depiction of two gay characters coming together, because sorry not sorry the canon couples aren’t perfect (which does humanize them) but they also reenforce harmful troupes that plaque the LGBTQIA+ community, which I’m sure you understand: TK was a drug addict, who only got with Carlos at first cause he was hot and sex was TK’s new addition (all gay men are sex addicts who do drugs and sleep with anything that moves). Carlos was ashamed and wanted to keep TK on the downlow (poc gay men want to pretend to be straight but have free access to gay sex). Hen cheated on Karen seemingly the first chance she got (lesbians can’t handle monogamy when pushed, and cheat on their long term partners). All known and documented troupes that happen far too often.
I’m not saying Buddie is some gay jesus ship that’s gonna save the entertainment industry but if done right it could prove to be one of the few healthy depictions of two men getting into a gay relationship we have. If they plan it out correctly, show us the relationship development, like they did with Maddie/Chim for example, Buddie could be used as a positive example of a gay fictional relationship (I really could go into depth about this. I probably should tbh).
As for not supporting Hen and KAREN, or Michael and DAVID, I think fans do support them! The writers don’t. If you read fanfics Henren and Michael/David are featured heavily in many fics, and ik some people might say ‘well they’re only there so Buddie can talk about their gay side!!’ but both these couples have their own fans and fanfic tags! They aren’t just plot devices in Buddie stories. There is a huge side of the fandom that supports Henren and wants to see more of them and their family. Same with Michael and David, during the episode where Michael and Bobby team up to find that plastic surgeon who was working illegally many people where ecstatic that we were getting more Michael/David content and that David was getting more than a couple lines. But sadly it seems like the writers only want to delve into these story lines when they need filler, they even miss opportunities to include these other LGBTQIA+ characters when it makes sense;
(Someone came for me about this but I am going to bring it up again)
When Chris is sad and wants more human connection, instead of bring Harry + Michael/David and Denny+Nia+Henren back into the picture (and yes I understood at the time the pandemic was bad (lmao still is!!), but all the actors at some point would have/had crossed over into each other’s ‘bubbles’, so ALL the actors would have been exposed to each other so getting the children together with adults they had ALREADY been with during shooting wouldn’t have been a super spreader event) but instead they brought in Ana after only two on screen dates and pretended like it was a logical thing for someone who’s up to that point been extremely careful with their child.
They really could have pushed the ‘118 is a family!’ message here and included the canonically gay supporting characters, and the lesbian main character(s) but they did not and instead chose to push the Ana/Eddie coupling even though they hadn’t properly developed it yet. The writers themselves don’t seem to care about developing their canonically gay characters and including them more than they have to but fans are continuously developing Henren and Michael/David with hc and fics.
I’d like to use your logic against you for a second, in s1 we have a very healthy, platonic friendship between Chim/Bobby but that got written out to the point they are more like boss/employee unless the scene calls for them to seem closer, we now have Bobby and Michael friendship but again we hardly see Michael. On Lone Star we have Owen and Judd as a really, really good example of a healthy male friendship but we see Judd more often with Tommy now then we do with Owen, and in s2 it’s overshadowed by Owen trusting Charlie from Twilight and constantly getting fucked over! Why can’t the writter just be happy with these happy, healthy, emotionally well male-male friendship they’ve already included and expand upon them. There’s enough drama because the show literally involves burning buildings and people’s lives being at risk from some natural/man made disaster ever 12 seconds. Does it need to have so much interpersonal conflict and male peacocking??
#Buddie#Please donʻt get offended by anything in this!!!#These are JUST my opinions which MAY change the further we get into this show!!#ALSO IT IS JUST A TV SHOW!!!! PLEASE BE KIND TO ME AND TO EACH OTHER
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