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yandere-daydreams · 3 years

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Title: Pendent.

Written for a very lovely, very patient anonymous commissioner.

Pairing: Yandere!Bokuto/Reader (Haikyuu!!).

Word Count: 2.0k.

TW: F. Reader, Toxic Relationships, Co-Dependency, Mention of Injury, Threats of Violence, Victim-Blaming.

[Part Two]

You were better, when you were on your own.

It might’ve been because you were so used to being alone. You’d never been one for social circles, the idea of spending time with people you barely liked for any longer than you deemed acceptable, and with how often your parents moved, how many schools you’d been through, your relationships were bound to be short-lived, if they ever formed at all. You didn’t hate it. You should’ve, you had every reason to, but you didn’t. You were good with impermanence, superficial flare that would never have time to die out. You were good with what you were used to. You were better, when you got to work within the barriers you’d already grown fond of.

That might’ve been why Bokuto felt like such a dead weight. You’d had boyfriends before, both short-term flings and partners persistent enough to try to make it long-distance, but you couldn’t say any of them had care quite as strongly as Bokuto had, none of them had taken as much effort to keep happy as Bokuto had. He didn’t just want your affection. He needed your time, too, your loyalty, your attention, all the things you weren’t sure you wanted to give him, just yet. If you’d been a better person, you might’ve tried to give him what he wanted, attempted to think of him as a companion rather than an unending list of repetitive tasks, but you weren’t. You didn’t want to be. You just didn’t work well with Bokuto. That was the problem, really – the two of you just did belong together.

Well, that and he was fucking crazy, obviously, but you were beginning to think you might’ve been the only one who noticed.

Konoha certainly didn’t, at least. If he had, he wouldn’t be so aggressive, his arms crossed as he kept you trapped in an isolated corner of the courtyard, the school day over and most students long-since gone. He was standing too close, his chest nearly touching yours, but the rest of the team wasn’t any better, mingling around you in a loose half-circle. They didn’t want to be as straight-forward as Konoha, clearly. They didn’t want to live with the guilt. When they walked away from this, and they would walk away from this, they wanted to be able to minimize their role, mark it down as an act of necessity. They didn’t want to have to remember you, and you could only hope they wouldn’t give you a reason to remember them.

But, if this was going to be anything like the first time they confronted you, you doubted you’d get that lucky.

In his defense, Konoha was blunt. If he planned on wasting your time, he didn’t seem to want to waste any more of it than he absolutely had to. “We had a deal.”

It was your turn to cross your arms, now, to scowl. You weren’t as imposing as they were, not on your own, but you’d like to think you could’ve stood your ground. “It wasn’t a deal,” You started, slowly, keeping your tone calm. This wouldn’t be any easier if they thought you were as irrational as their captain. “You asked me for a something, and I gave it to you. I did you a favor. I don’t owe you anything, and I certainly don’t have to stand around being yelled at by the person I tried to help.”

Konoha opened his mouth again, his eyes already narrowed and his lips pulled into a sharp scowl, but another boy stepped forward before he could get anything out, his expression slightly more passive, albeit still concerned. It wasn’t an improvement. If anything, the genuine worry written across his face only made him easier to villainize. He was worried about Bokuto, not you. This was about Bokuto. Your feelings hardly warranted a passing thought.

“What Akinori’s trying to say,” Komi started, his name resurfacing from the dozens of hours you’d spent watching their drills, attending their practice matches, melting into Bokuto’s side after he guilted you into eating lunch with his team, rather than the other girls you were still trying to impress. If you’d been any more emotional, you could’ve hated him for it, loathed him by association. It was almost a shame that you weren’t. “Is that we just think you were a little hasty. I mean, I know we put you up to it, but…” He trailed off, purposefully, clearly hoping you’d be nice enough to cut him off. Again, it was a shame that you weren’t, and Komi went on with a sigh. “We just think the two of you made a good pair. There’s no reason to go and ruin that just because he found out.”

Your head felt fuzzy. You wanted to sit down. It was a difficult sort of discomfort, disorienting and instantaneous, but you didn’t let yourself linger on it. If you did that, you’d have to explain yourself, make your argument more sympathetic than logical. You’d have to tell them about the arguments, the way he’d kissed you, the bruises on your arm that still hadn’t faded despite your dutiful avoidance. You’d have to admit there were bruises at all, and…

That wasn’t going to happen. You already knew it wasn’t going to happen.

“Cut the shit.” It took you a moment to notice Konoha was talking, turned towards his teammates and away from you. A few months ago, you might’ve taken it as an insult, but that might’ve been Bokuto’s one silver lining – you got used to being pushed into the background, when he was around. Hell, even when he wasn’t, sometimes. “He won’t play. He hasn’t come to school in a week. He can barely get out of bed. The poor guy’s a fucking wreck.” There was a pause, something similar to a groan. He didn’t have to tell you it was your fault, not when you could practically hear him thinking it, whether or not his lips moved. “It’s sad. He’s fucking miserable. If you saw it, you’d know what I mean.”

“That’s not my problem.” It wasn’t. Bokuto could’ve hurt you. For a moment, he’d looked like he wanted to hurt you. That wasn’t something you’d forgive with a few tears and a little sulking. “I’m not responsible for him. I don’t want to be responsible for him, and I never have. If you need a babysitter, you’re going to have to look somewhere else.”

“It’ll only be for a few more months.” Like always, Washio was calm, composed, cutting in before Konoha could provide a decent rebuttal. “Just until graduation. He’ll probably be over it, by then, and you won’t have to worry about any of us.”

Until the next moody third-year decides he wants a pick-me-up, too.

“I’m not interested.” You let yourself scoff, look of to the side, pretend you had better places to be. You did have better places to be. Anywhere would be better than this, as long as it meant you didn’t have to think about him. As long as it meant you didn’t have to think about Bokuto ever again, you’d do just about anything. “You saw the way he acted, I couldn’t look at someone else without having to worry about whether or not he’d lose his shit. I wasn’t happy. Fuck, I was a second away from losing my shit. You can’t ask me to go back to that just so you can win at... what? Volleyball?.” You took a deep breath, forcing yourself to stop. You didn’t want to talk about this. If you were going to spill your guts to anyone, it wasn’t going to be a dozen teenage boys who thought the only way to make their dear captain happy was to torture you, intentionally or otherwise. “If it’s only a few months, then the rest of you can wait it out. This isn’t my burden. It’s not my problem, and I don’t care enough to pretend it is.”

You didn’t want to hear his response. You didn’t want a part of this fight. You tried to walk away, to push past him, but Konoha only stiffened, catching you by the arm before you could take a full step. You flinched, going rigid as soon as you felt his fist wrap around your wrist, but if he noticed the way you drew back, if he heard the soft, panicked noise that slipped through your parted lips, he didn’t bother apologizing. If anything, into only seemed to inflate his ego further, to make him even more self-righteous. Like he was the caring friend, and you were the stone-cold bitch who was finally starting to see the weight of the situation. Like he was the one in the right. You couldn’t blame him, on that front. No one would be willing to go this far unless they really believed their own bullshit.

“I don’t think you understand.” He was speaking slowly, now. If he hadn’t made it obvious he was willing to hit back, you might’ve been tempted to smack him. “We’re not asking.”

Oh. Right. That changed things.

It was all you could do not to let your voice shake, as you forced yourself to spit something out. “And what’s that supposed to mean, exactly?”

To his credit, Konoha didn’t try to make any idle threats. No, not right now, not when he was so determined to make himself the good guy. Not when it was already clear he’d convinced himself he’d do whatever he had to, as long as it was for Bokuto’s sake. “Bokuto needs this,” He said, instead, like it was all the explanation you could need. “Go back to him on your own. It’ll be easier, if you do.”

Biting the inside of your cheek, you tore your eyes away from Konoha, scanning over the other athletes instead. You weren’t sure to look for, support or regret or just enough guilt to draw one or the other out, but you barely had a chance to look before your attention was drawn to a familiar face – Akaashi, standing at the edge of the group, eyes sheepishly focused on the ground. He’d been the first one you talked to, when you first transferred halfway through the year, the first person to offer to walk you home and to invite you to a game and to smile sympathetically, whenever you asked how long your ‘arrangement’ was supposed to last. You didn’t make friends, but if you did, you would’ve counted Akaashi as one. You tried not to get attached to people, but if you were any weaker, you’d be attached to Akaashi. He was a nice guy, despite the company he kept. You trusted him. Or, you would’ve liked to, at least. You could’ve, if you’d trusted yourself to.

You must’ve been staring for a second too long. By the time you thought to say something, he was already glancing up, consciously looking past you. If you didn’t know better, you might’ve thought he was embarrassed. Something near guilt, but not quite there. Empathy pulled in two different directions, but he’d already chosen one side over the other. “I think it would be… better, if you apologized to Bokuto.” He was talking to you. That, you could be thankful for. At least he was talking to you, rather than whatever enemy the rest of his team must’ve morphed you into before deciding to go through with their little confrontation. “He loves you. You should’ve heard the way he sounded, after he found out.” He faltered, for a moment, but the display of vulnerability was short-lived. “If nothing else, he really does love you.”

It shouldn’t have hurt as much as it did. It shouldn’t have, you were sure of that.

That didn’t mean you could stop it from hurting, though.

You didn’t believe them. You weren’t convinced. You wanted to keep going, to try to talk them down, to do anything but roll over and throw yourself into the arms of their psychopathic captain, but suddenly, your throat felt dry, and it was all you could do to stay on your feet. You felt small, smaller than you had a minute ago. You felt vulnerable, even if you knew there was nothing they could do here, on school-grounds, where any passing teacher or student could see. You didn’t want to be here, you didn’t want to do this, but as you forced yourself to notice Akaashi’s careful aversion, how tightly Konoha was holding you…

You realized you might not have a choice, either way.

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15-dogs · 3 years

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everything and anything |s.b.|

hello hello!! this is for @chudleycanons writing challenge!! everyone go check emmy out, she’s an amazing writer!! congrats again on 600 emmy :)

pairing: young!sirius black x reader

summary: sirius offers to take you to the ball but has other intentions in mind

warnings: the reader describes being insecure about their looks

prompts: fake dating, “Did I mean anything to you?”, “Dance with me”

guide: (Y/N) = your name, (Y/L/N) = your last name

word count: 3797

If anyone ever asked if you liked being the mom friend, you would instantly say yes. There was no doubt in your mind that you absolutely loved the position. You had this knack for taking care of everyone out of the pure goodness of your heart but you certainly weren’t afraid to throw a few punches if someone looked at your friend funny. That’s just who you were and you never wanted to change that.

However, as all things do, the title came with its downfalls. One being that you were always last in line to be picked from the group of eligible bachelorettes that were your friends. It usually would have never bothered you if it weren’t for a large, end of the year ball that Flitwick had decided to throw together.

Alice had partnered up with Frank, Marlene was going with Dorcas, and Mary was going with Peter. Remus had the full moon the night before and Sirius had decided not to attend so there goes your two other options. Lily had promised that if you and her didn’t get dates by the time the ball rolled around, you two would go together. However, James had his way of working into her heart with very little effort. So there you were, stuck without a date.

It didn’t just make you embarrassed, it made you ashamed. And you shouldn’t have been! A few weeks prior, you thought that a Ravenclaw fancied you but you were quite mistaken, seeing as how they blew you off for dates. It wasn’t until you spotted him making out with the prefect opposite him during rounds did you realize he didn’t like you at all. You choked back the sobs that bubbled up in your chest and ran to your dorm to tell the girls all about it. When you got there, Lily was jumping up and down with excitement, claiming that James and her kissed. Decidedly, you did not tell the girls about what happened between you and that Ravenclaw, feeling like you were clouding Lily’s joy.

Yet, the thought of you being the “less attractive” option than your friends still kept you up at night. Your friends were beautiful, they always were getting asked out on dates and you were always cheering them on, giving advice, whatnot. It was fun, or at least for a while. Sometimes it became tiring having to hear about how they were dating a new person each week while you sat, wondering what on Earth you did wrong.

You always pushed those thoughts to the back of your mind as you celebrated Marlene’s birthday in the common room. She squealed as she opened your present— a new jean jacket with patches of which you had hand picked and sewn on yourself— and immediately began to thank you. You felt awkward under her praise, opting to get the food ready instead.

You came back a moment later with snacks in your hand and some drinks, leading Dorcas to suggest you all play a drinking game. You teetered with anxieties as you remembered how everyone (and that meant everyone) acted when they were drunk. Maybe you should just stay sober. The group booed you but you merely shook your head, claiming that they’d thank you later when they were stumbling up to their dorms in their drunken stupor.

About an hour in, the drinking game turned into a group of drunk 7th years playing truth or dare. You decided to hop into the game, considering that you didn’t have to drink but instantly regretted your choice the second everyone started talking about the ball.

“Have you picked out a dress?” Mary asked Lily, leaning forward and biting her thumbnail. Lily nodded excitedly.

“Yes! I’m picking it up this weekend at the tailors from Hogsmeade.”

“You’re joking!” Marlene gasped. She looked between her and Dorcas before looking back at Lily. “We’re picking our dresses up this weekend at the same place! We should all go together! Mary? Alice? (Y/N)?”

You felt your heart sink and forced a smile on your face. Sirius, sitting beside you, nudged your knee with his. You looked up at him and he raised his brows.

“What?” you whispered.

“Are you okay?” Shockingly, his breath smelled the least like alcohol which was a rare occurrence for the party-crazed boy.

“I’m fine,” you shot out quickly. “Totally, perfectly fine.”

The truth was, you were not fine. Sirius knew it, too. Hearing that the girls were going to get their dresses felt like a slap in the face— you shouldn’t go to the dance at all. If you were going to mope around the whole time, what good would you be?

But it wasn’t because you were going alone, not really, anyway. It was because you were scared. To say that you didn’t like the way you looked was an understatement. You loved wearing dresses and skirts just as much as you loved wearing jeans and pants, but something about formalwear had your heart lurching in your chest. You wanted to be pretty, that was it, and you were afraid that people would laugh.

Someone of sound mind would have been able to reassure you that no one would have laughed at you, but no one knew of your insecurities and you didn’t plan on telling them. You constantly scolded yourself about those feelings but they kept resurfacing in every way possible.

When your attention shifted back to the group, you had realized they asked you a question. James let out a stifled giggle at your blank face and Lily swatted his arm.

“Huh?” you mumbled.

“We wanted to know how things are going with that Ravenclaw, Elliott,” Lily explained. “Did he ask you to the ball yet?”

Your lips parted and closed again, feeling that familiar sense of shame form deep in your stomach. “Oh,” you muttered lamely, “well, er, we aren’t...he’s not…”

“Oh, Godric. What did he do?”

“Oh, it’s— believe me— it’s nothing. I just, well, I think I misinterpreted a few signals here and there.”

“And how’s that?” Remus asked.

“I, um, walked in on him...snogging Jennifer, the other Ravenclaw prefect.”

A chorus of disgusted and shocked exclamations sounded around you. You looked away from their penetrating gazes, fiddling with your hands in your lap instead. One gaze struck you as particularly attention grabbing: Sirius’s. You looked up at the boy to the right of you on the couch, his gray eyes softened at your somber expression.

“He was leading you on, (Y/N). He’s a right git, easily. This wasn’t your fault.”

“I…” you trailed off, confused by his words. Yet, they comforted the part of you that was aching most. “Thanks, Sirius. I think I needed to hear that.”

“Don’t mention it.”

Your eyes locked with his and you felt a strange shift in the air. It was like an electrified silence. Although, it wasn’t silent. Marlene had been calling your name for the past minute now.

“Babes, hello!” Your eyes snapped up to Marlene’s at her words. “Who are you going with then?”

“About that, well, I don’t think I’m going to-”

You were cut off but groans and sighs from the girls around you. They immediately shot out protests, seemingly begging you to reconsider. You awkwardly shrugged when Sirius nudged you with his foot.

“Just because some bloke was an arse to you means you aren’t going to the ball? Come on, (Y/N), that’s not the you I know.”

“That’s not it,” you shot.

“Listen, I’ll go with you.”

Your eyes met Sirius’ with shock. You blinked a few times, then rubbed your eyes. “You can’t be serious.”

“Oh, please, love”— he leaned in towards you so that his breath was hot against your ear— “I’m always Sirius.”

You elbowed him with a smirk, feeling a sense of guilt creep up in your throat. You blushed and shook your head. “It’s fine, Sirius, you don’t have to do that-”

“No, I want to.” His words took you by surprise. “It’s not like I was going with anyone so why not you?”

You shifted awkwardly in your seat, trying not to think about the implications of his words. But you couldn’t help thinking about how he wasn’t even going in the first place. Your heart sped up in your chest but you were convinced it was from gratitude and surprise. So, as you were swept off your feet by your friend of 7 years, you said, “Okay, let’s go to the ball together.”

A decision you’d later come to regret.

—

You sat with your friends at the Gryffindor table, eating your breakfast before you left for Hogsmeade to pick up your dresses. You were rifling through your bag to see if you had some extra money to buy some chocolate for Remus when you heard excited gasps surrounding you. Your eyes snapped up just in time to see a single rose fall in front of your face. The owl that held it hooted and flew away, only for another owl to repeat its actions.

All eyes in the Great Hall were on you as the few roses soon turned into a bouquet. You held a careful hand over your mouth as you searched for the culprit. Fortunately, you didn’t need to look that hard. Unfortunately, it was because the sender— Sirius— had jumped onto the Gryffindor table as he called out your name. He walked towards you, students pulling their plates to their chests with each step. Finally, he stood in front of you, arms crossed and grin smug.

“Sirius!” you hissed. You glanced up at the professors’s table, where McGonagall eyed Sirius warily. “Would you get down from there?”

“Only if you go to the ball with me!”

Murmurs quickly filled the room.

“That’s what this is about? You’re mental! I said yes a few days ago!”

“Is it still a yes, then?” Although Sirius was acting with a confidence like no other person you’d seen, he still seemed nervous to hear your response.

“Yes, you git! Now get down!”

You stood up as you reached out your hands, tugging Sirius back to the ground as he cried, “She said yes!”

Glares from people without dates landed on you but you tried your best to ignore it. You chanced a look over your shoulder to meet the confused eyes of Elliott boring holes into your back.

You felt your cheeks heat up furiously but you couldn’t help but laugh at his behavior. Your laughter was suddenly silenced as Sirius stood inches apart from your face. You tried your best not to inhale his cologne that strangely had you weak in the knees but you simply couldn’t help it with your close proximity.

To make matters worse, Sirius reached up to tuck some hair behind your ear and you were positive that you felt something towards him that you hadn’t felt before. He winked at you and chuckled handsomely before pushing away to meet up with his friends.

Your friends quickly surrounded you as they asked repeated questions about what in the world just happened between you and Sirius. You couldn’t process, though. Not then. All you could do was hold your face in your hands with blank eyes as you feared the tiny, miniscule, barely there crush that you might have on Sirius Black.

—

In Transfiguration a few days later, you sat at your desk near the front, awaiting Lily’s arrival. When you heard a familiar, bubbly laughter, your head whipped around to the back to see James with his arm around Lily as she sat in Sirius’s seat. You were a little saddened that she had left you to sit with her boyfriend, but you didn’t let it show— after all, you were happy that they had finally gotten together.

You felt an arm snake around the back of your chair, causing you to jump. When you looked over, Sirius was in Lily’s seat, his arm wrapped around your shoulders, the dumbest grin on his face.

“Good morning, (Y/L/N).” You hated the way his deep, slightly raspy voice made you shiver.

“Morning, yourself, Black.”

You studied him out of the corner of your eye as he relaxed into his chair. Merlin, he looked handsome with his sleeves rolled up and hair mussed. You sucked in a sharp breath with horror at your thoughts, butterflies occupying your stomach as his thumb stroked your shoulder. You thought that you might die when his hand slipped down the chair to rest on your waist, only for him to tug you closer.

“I asked Evans to sit with Prongs today; she didn’t seem to mind,” he whispered roughly against your ear.

You hummed. “Hm, I wonder why?”

He stifled a laugh as he tipped forward, looking at the blank piece of parchment on his desk.

“I meant to ask you, what color is your dress?”

You blinked in shock at the change in topic. “It’s blue.”

He rolled his eyes. “Shades of blue, love.”

“I didn’t know that the different shades mattered to you,” you said, pretending to be impressed by his prompt.

“Shockingly, I’m more than just a pretty face.”

“Really?”

He fought back a chuckle and shook his head. “Shade, love, go on.”

“It’s baby blue.”

His eyes roved over your body for a moment too long. You became self-conscious at his stare, angling away from him. His eyes softened at your actions. You felt his slightly calloused hand take yours, raising it to his lips as he kissed your knuckles. Your eyes darted around the room to see if anyone saw what was happening, if it was as out of the ordinary as you imagined. Your eyes landed on Elliott who watched with distaste as Sirius acted like he was much more than just a friend, a sense of satisfaction filling you.

“You’re going to be gorgeous, love. You are gorgeous.”

When you looked into Sirius’ captivating gray eyes, you knew you were done for. You didn’t know what game he was playing, but you were sure you didn’t want it to end.

—

You were rushing back from the library, just having noticed that you were late to meeting your friends. You had all decided to get ready for the ball together, mostly because you were no good at makeup but quite good at hair, Lily was no good at hair but quite good at accessorizing, Marlene was no good at accessorizing but quite good at makeup, and so on.

You made it to the portrait and were about to state the password when someone stopped you. “Hey, (Y/L/N)!”

You turned around to see Elliott bombing towards you. “Hey, what’s going on?”

He slowed to a stop in front of you, his lips twitching into a smile. “I was wondering if you wanted to go to the ball with me?”

You scoffed, but felt an immediate sense of guilt at your response. “Sorry, Elliott, but I’m going with Sirius-”

“I know.”

You looked around, seeing if Sirius was hiding somewhere to tell you he set this up, that it was all a joke. You clenched your eyes shut before eyeing the Ravenclaw in front of you.

“I don’t know what you want me to say, Elliott.”

“Say yes. Go with me, not Black.” He took a step forward, ducking to meet your gaze. “I fancy you.”

You shook your head hurriedly, whispering the password as you darted away from him, your head swarming with severe thoughts. He called after you but didn’t dare follow as you ran up the stairs to your dorm.

You slammed the door shut behind you, panting as you slid your back down it. Lily nudged your foot with hers, causing you to look up at her.

“What happened to you?”

You jumped to your feet, running your hands through your hair as you muttered, “It’s bad, quite bad.”

“Well, we have the time as long as you get ready.”

So as you got yourself ready for the ball, you explained the direness of the situation. A sinking feeling set into your stomach with each word as you realized that you might fancy Sirius a little more than you let on. Mary blinked with shock, studying you carefully.

“Aren’t you and Sirius going together?” she asked.

“To the ball, yes.”

“No, no.” Mary waved her mascara wand in the air as she shook her head. “I mean going together. Like, dating.”

“What?” you cried, causing Marlene to smack your arm in order for you to stay still while she did your eyeshadow. “What made you think that?”

Dorcas snorted. “What didn’t make us think that?”

You went pale. “All of you thought that?”

You heard grumbled agreements and your stomach flipped. Was it because you were too obvious about your little crush? Or was there something else that had caused them to think that? Either way, you desperately needed to talk to Sirius.

The six of you went downstairs to meet your dates, all waiting in the Gryffindor common room. Seeing Sirius standing there with a tiny, blue morning glory which matched your dress had your heart lurching. You didn’t even realize that he was talking to you until he took your hand in his.

“Are you alright, love?”

You sucked in a sharp breath, nodding at your friends that they should leave without you. Once the common room was empty (and Sirius was thoroughly puzzled) you said, “We need to talk.”

Sirius sighed knowingly, scuffing his food against the ground. “Take it Elliott asked you to the ball, then?”

“I-...y-yes, how did you know?” You fiddled with your hands to avoid meeting his eyes. Everything about this situation made you want to run away and hide forever.

“Because that was the plan, (Y/N). Did you say yes-”

“The plan?” Your eyes snapped up to his, a new feeling ruminating behind them. Sirius cowered under your glare. “What plan?”

“That’s what this was all about, wasn’t it?” he tested. You crossed your arms and huffed. “It was about getting Elliott to realize he was stupid, it was about me pretending to be your...something until he realized that he shouldn’t have turned you down.”

Your heart shattered. All of Marlene’s hard work on your makeup went completely to waste as traitorous tears slipped down your cheeks, streaks of mascara coating your face. You felt sick.

“That’s what this was about, then? You were my something.” You tried with all your might to control the shaking in your voice but there was nothing you could do; you were a mess.

Sirius, finally aware of how his words affected you, took a step towards you with the intent of taking your hands in his. You jerked your hands away from him with a strangled sob.

“No, listen, that’s not-”

“Did I mean anything to you?”

The words weren’t supposed to come out of your mouth, they weren’t. Yet, they did. And you meant them. That was the worst part.

Sirius was silent.

No, that was the worst part.

Your breaths became labored and you didn’t want to cry in front of Sirius, so you ran up to your dorm room. As you leapt onto the stairs, a strong voice stopped you.

“You mean everything to me!” Sirius shouted after you. You froze midstep. “You’re always going to mean everything to me!”

You slowly turned around on your heel. “I don’t understand-”

“It was supposed to be innocent, good natured fun. I was supposed to be helping you out with Elliott. But then you had to be yourself! You had to be funny, and beautiful, and gentle and I was not supposed to fall for you, but things never go according to plan. So, yes, you mean everything and anything to me.”

The room was silent save for the music that radiated from the Great Hall into the common room. You took a few sobering breaths as Sirius awaited a response.

“I said no, by the way. I couldn’t do it. Not when I knew how I felt about you.”

His eyes lit up and he took a step towards you. “And, er, how do you feel about me?”

You rolled your eyes as you made your way back down the stairs. “Don’t let it go to your head.”

He chuckled as he outstretched an arm to you, helping you walk down the last few steps. He pulled you close to his chest, searching your eyes for something that wasn’t present. He guided you to the portrait hole but your feet bolted to the ground.

“I can’t go out there looking like this!” you explained.

Sirius fought a snicker as he saw your panicked expression. He guided you back to the middle of the room, an intenseness in his gaze that you’d never seen before. He let go of your hand only to hold it out to you again.

“Dance with me.”

You tried to protest but your words died on your tongue. You reluctantly took him up on the offer, gasping when he pulled you flush against his chest.

Suddenly, things began to feel out of place. You didn’t deserve this. You didn’t deserve Sirius. You had never been “chosen” out of your friends because that wasn’t you, you weren’t the girl that people went after. Your heart panged with guilt as you looked away from his piercing stare.

“You’re doing that thing again.” Sirius tucked your head into his chest, his voice vibrating against your ear.

“What thing?”

“You get that little look on your face where your eyebrows knit together and you can’t look anyone in the eye because you’re scared.”

“Scared?” you asked incredulously.

“Scared of getting things that you deserve.”

You lifted your head from his chest to meet his eyes. “And what exactly do I deserve?”

You expected something smart from him, something that would make you roll your eyes and groan. Instead, a small smile tugged at the corner of his lips as Sirius said, “Happiness, complete happiness.”

In a moment of impulse, your hands wrapped around the back of his head to plant a kiss firmly against his lips.

In a shocking turn of events, Sirius hesitated. His eyes went wide when you kissed him and it took him a moment to process your actions. However, once he did get hold of himself, he pulled you impossibly closer by the waist, kissing you passionately like there was nowhere else he’d want to be.

And that was true, of course. There was nowhere else he wanted to be besides with you.

And seeing the way that Sirius looked at you made everything worth the wait.

#emmys600 #sirius black #sirius black x reader #sirius black x you #sirius black headcanon #sirius black imagine #sirius x y/n #young sirius imagine #young sirius black #young sirius x reader #harry potter #fanfiction #harry potter fanfiction

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anakinisvaderisanakin · 3 years

Text

Twist of Fate (Anakin and Ahsoka’s meeting in Siege of Mandalore goes a little different, aka sappy sibling AU)

“Every opportunity we waste here, gives Maul an opportunity to slip away,” Bo-Katan pressed, the stern expression on her freckled face conveying her stoic determination.

For a split second, Ahsoka caught Anakin’s pale blue eyes on hers. Forlorn, their depths spoke of a deep seated sorrow. Of disappointment, of insecurities unravelling. She broke the stare to focus on Obi-Wan, still feeling her former master regard the side of her face; her heart aching as she did her best to keep her professional guise up. She had missed him too, but this wasn’t the time to get emotional. It had to wait, and there were so many things she wanted to tell him when the moment presented itself. Now, everything was rushed, the stakes high. She had promised to aid Bo-Katan in the mission of eliminating Maul and his crime syndicate’s control over Mandalore, of deposing Almec. She needed a clear head to prevail in her goal.

“We understand,” said Obi-Wan with a cryptic expression, already moving to take the conversation into more private quarters as he spoke. “Please, follow me.”

Obi-Wan took the lead, Bo-Katan following right behind him. Ahsoka fixed her stare straight ahead, even as she could sense how Anakin expected her to at the very least acknowledge his presence. She’d cut him off, despite his obvious excitement and relief at seeing her again. She wanted to express the same sentiments, wanted to tell him she was glad to be back and meet up again. But the wound was still open, the rift between her and the Jedi order not yet a scar, but an oozing gash. It stung to see Obi-Wan, who had sided with the decision to expel her, even if he may not have agreed with it.

It hurt to see Anakin, too, despite the fact that he had tried so hard to free her of the false accusations placed on her. He’d managed to clear her name, and she owed him her life for it. But he’d expected her to stay with the Order, with him - and she’d declined. She had secretly hoped he may come clean and follow her lead, knowing that he too wished to sever all ties with the Jedi’s dogma. It appeared both of them had suffered from naive lapses of judgment.

We will have to catch up another time, she’d said.

Ahsoka already regretted it. She could sense the impact the refusal had had on Anakin. She wanted to rectify it, but it was too late. It would take too much time, too much work. Seconds to waste that they simply didn’t have. But with each step, even as the armoured boots of Bo-Katan’s fellow Death Watch squad trailed behind her - Anakin’s melancholic presence remained, looming in the background. Making no attempt to follow them, Ahsoka frowned at the odd occurance. She had meant for him to negotiate on her behalf, to make their case. Surely, if Obi-Wan may be on the fence despite his direct emotional connection to Bo-Katan’s deceased sister; Anakin would be the fuse to light the fire and push him in the right direction. She slowed her walk deliberately, allowing Ursa Wren to pass her by as the last in tow.

No Anakin came up alongside her.

A gnawing sensation of concern made Ahsoka’s stomach churn, and she pursed her lips as she peered over her own shoulder behind her. Anakin was still stalling, lingering between the hydraulic exit port and the ship she and the Mandalorians had arrived in. He was making no attempt to move, head hung low and face turned away from her. Hands balled into tight, trembling fists. Shoulders slumped, quivering with a visible strain. He was tense, paralyzed. As if he’d been rooted to the floor, as if he’d forgotten how to physically move.

She didn’t have the time, and yet even as she began to walk away and follow the small company - Ahsoka faltered. She hesitated, watching the doors slide shut and leave her alone with Anakin in the hangar. The familiar faces of helmeted and unmasked clones prowling about the area, tinkering with ships or carrying cargo. Off to another battle.

Ahsoka took another tentative step forwards, before shutting her eyes and swallowing down the lump of guilt gathering at the base of her throat. She couldn’t just leave Anakin behind, she needed his advice. She needed his devil may care attitude, his clever schemes. She missed his sarcasm, his affection. The brother she had lost, desperate to get back and shutting down so callously. She wanted to apologize. For abandoning him, for walking away, for making him doubt himself. For putting herself first. Taking a deep breath, she rejected common sense and shifted towards him. A few quick strides and she nervously reached out to press her gentle palm to his shoulder.

“Anakin?” she asked, voice soft, as her worry bled through the cracks.

His hair had grown longer, pooling in golden curls at his nape. His bangs covering the side of his face, falling in unruly sandy blonde waves. Biting her lip, Ahsoka felt frustrated when she received no answer. She scowled, wanting to snap at him; tell him to stop it, that they didn’t have time for petty arguments or sparking long gone grudges. She opened her mouth, but shut it again when she caught a sniffle.

Blinking a couple of times, it took a repeated barely restrained sniffle for her to realize Anakin was crying. Brave, loyal, witty, fearless Anakin was crying. At the same time, it dawned on her that she was the reason.

Tilting her head to the side, she glanced cautiously at his face; using her fingers to tuck his stray curls behind his ear. His eyes were shut; shame evident on his flustered features. Embarrassment, as wetness brimming along his fair lashes. One pearly bead broke free, trailing slowly down over his cheekbone to fall from his jawline. It felt like Ahsoka had been dunked in icy water; the air sucked out of her lungs. She noticed a burning sensation behind her own eyes, stubbornly refusing to tear up. Anakin needed her at the moment, she had to be strong for his sake.

Without a word, she reached out with her thumb to gently brush away the lingering tear streaks over his prickly, faintly stubbled cheek. He flinched, head shooting up as he caught her gaze. His bottom lip quivering, fresh tears welling up in his glassy eyes. Ahsoka said nothing, but simply shifted to wrap both arms tightly around her former master. If she’d expected him to push her away, she’d been wrong. Instead, he larked his own arms around her smaller frame; gathering her in a firm, unrelenting squeeze. She felt him shudder against her, burying his face against her shoulder and exhaling shakily. He sniffled, and gasped for air before letting out a muffled sob.

Ahsoka clung to him, one hand splayed against his strong back; the other gently petting the back of his head. She shut her eyes, and what may have been awkward had she been asked to comfort anyone else, came natural to her.

She’d seen Anakin mourn, seen him close to tears when Obi-Wan was presumed dead. She’d seen his rage, his anger, his pain. She’d seen his composure wane, his resolve wavering when she turned to walk away from the temple. Sun setting, bathing her in warm twilight. Tears blurring her own vision, knowing she’d never be able to leave if she looked back. He was the only thing that could keep her, the only Jedi loyal to her. The only who would not betray her.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered close to his ear, and it barely registered as her own words; his embrace unyielding, and she allowed it without complaint.

“I missed you,” he croaked, another sob barely slipping past his defense as he kept his face hidden from view.

Ahsoka nodded, her own throat feeling tight. She wanted to say something more, to reassure him, to confirm that it was a mutual feeling. Instead, she threaded her fingers through his matted hair. Instead, she placed a chaste kiss against his temple, surprised by how she managed to evade her own urge to weep. She wished she’d hugged him right away, wished she hadn’t been so harsh, wished she hadn’t dismissed his feelings. She’d always known he was sensitive, despite how he may present himself. Even after the fever dream that was Mortis, despite the hazy memories of what felt more like fantasy than reality, he’d been emotionally distraught. He’d feared for her safety, for her well-being. She was grateful for his affection, sometimes she felt as if the only person to truly love her in this world was Anakin.

“I know,” she managed to admit, sighing softly with relief as he relaxed somewhat in her arms.

“I was… so scared. That you might be hurt, that you might be… I felt you, but you were so distant…” he snivelled, sniffing; voice thick and hoarse with tears.

Ahsoka understood, and she hoped as she reached out for his Force signature to rekindle the close bond they’d once had that he could sense that. That he would trust her, learn to rely on her again as she did on him. She was reluctant to withdraw, as was he, even as they knew time was short. The moment had been too quick, too fleeting but as Anakin picked up his head to weakly hold her stare; Ahsoka smiled. Bittersweet, both hands coming up to cup his face. Thumbs stroking his damp cheeks, his hands soon engulfing hers. He swallowed hard, his adams apple bobbing and Ahsoka felt that same concern from before resurface.

“Thank you for coming back. You’re right, we don’t have much time,” he said, clearing his throat as he straightened up and offered her a smile in return.

He sniffed a couple of times, his puffy eyes and flushed complex the only hint to the fact that he had been crying. Ahsoka took his bare left hand in hers, giving it a squeeze. There was sadness in his eyes, but also a resolute sense of understanding; of acceptance. She needn’t reply, they would have time eventually to talk and settle their differences. Now, Mandalore needed their help, and they had stalled the mission entirely too long. Ahsoka gave Anakin a small trademark smirk, as she nudged his arm with her elbow.

“Let’s go, before Obi-Wan gets impatient,” she chuckled.

“Better,” Anakin agreed, his gloom all but lifted and Ahsoka could swear his steps were lighter while they hurried to catch up with the others side by side.

**************

An AU wherein Anakin and Ahsoka get their hug in season 7, and RotS never happens I guess. Just self indulgent, sappy fluff, but I enjoyed writing it.

Ao3 link below:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/28115100

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yeolsmuffin · 4 years

Text

The EXO List || Two

Paring: chanyeolXreader

Genre: Smut, Angst || Best friend!Chanyeol, Best friend!EXO, Roomate!EXO

Summary: When you lose your best friend and only person you’ve ever loved.

Word Count: 6.8k

When you came to, you found yourself covered in a familiar beige blanket adorned with little spots.

Kyungsoo.

You woke slowly, body tense as you dragged yourself to sit. Kyungsoo was nearby, watching you carefully.

“Good morning,” he said lightly. “You were out for a bit.”

You yawned as you stretched your arms over your head, “What happened?” For just a moment you were groggy and confused. The moment didn’t last long enough.

“You hit Chanyeol.” And then it all came falling back down on you. You were angry all over again, blood beginning to boil. The way he spoke to you was thick in your mind and even though you tried to push it away, you couldn’t help but want to see him in that moment. You just needed to explain that it wasn’t okay – although you did that by putting your hands on him, something you thoroughly regretted. You never wanted things to escalate to physical but you were just too angry to think.

You sighed, you couldn’t believe you hit him.

“Where is he?”

Kyungsoo watched your expression, “He needed a breather.”

You groaned and fell back into Kyungsoo’s bed, regretting everything that had transpired between you and Chanyeol – including sleeping with him. You still loved him because it wasn’t that easy to stop but hell if you didn’t hate him in the moment. He slut shamed you and he did so after seducing you. It didn’t get any worse than that.

You were sure he hated you too. He had to after you laid your hands on him and he had to after the Kyungsoo incident. Even if he had no reason to care if you slept with someone else, it was apparent he did and you hadn’t intended on hurting Chanyeol. You just needed your own hurting to stop.

“Wanna tell me what happened?” Kyungsoo asked quietly.

Tossing an arm over your face, you mumbled, “He was slut shaming me, Soo.”

“Slut shaming?” Kyungsoo asked for clarification with shock in his voice, “What did he say?”

“Something along the lines of me slutting it up.”

Kyungsoo let out a low growl, “He’s one to talk. I can’t believe he would say that. Like you shouldn’t have hit him but at the same time you should have hit him. Does that make any sense?”

You nodded, “Complete sense.”

You were still in shock that things had escalated so much with Chanyeol. Your friendship had never been aggressive before and the two of you had never had a fight so this was new. Chanyeol’s behavior was also new. He had never slut shamed you before. Surely, it was wrong to sleep with his friends – wait what? Why was it wrong to sleep with his friends? You weren’t nor had you dated or were dating Chanyeol. So why did it matter? Why was Chanyeol caring so much? You wanted to scream so you covered your face with a pillow and groaned as loudly as you could. What was with these conflicting and confusing emotions?

“I’m sorry,” Kyungsoo said softly.

You pulled the pillow away from your face and your eyes reached for him, “Why are you sorry?”

“I’m sorry he caught us and I’m sorry it caused this. You don’t deserve it.”

“Not your fault, Soo. It was my decision.”

He shook his head, “Our decision.”

You let out a slow breath, “Still.”

“You should talk it out with him, you know. You guys have been friends for years.”

“I don’t know if I can.” You wanted to for several reasons but mostly because you were so pissed. You needed to get the answer to all the questions boiling in your mind, but you didn’t think Chanyeol intended on giving you any answers. You also needed so desperately to apologize because no matter what happened, you should never lay your hands on someone you loved. You loved him so much it made you violent and the thought of that made you sick. You surely would puke.

It was getting more apparent that Chanyeol just wasn’t a part of your destiny. How could he be? How could someone you hurt and who was hurting you be someone that was supposed to be in your life? It wasn’t supposed to work out that way.

Kyungsoo glared at you, “Do it anyway. You should talk about your feelings too. He needs to hear what he did to you.”

“I already told him. He doesn’t care.”

Kyungsoo was getting angry but you could tell it wasn’t at you. He stood, “Well make him care. I can’t stand to watch him treat you like this. None of us can. So maybe talking it out will help.”

You sat up and pointed at him, “Or make things worse.”

He pointed back, “Or fix things.”

You shrugged, “Chanyeol cares for me way less than you think. But I’ll try it.”

Just because you loved him didn’t mean he loved you anywhere near the way you loved him, and you weren’t sure Kyungsoo could see that.

He was just an outsider unfortunately and no matter what he did, or you did with him, it wouldn’t fix anything because all the memories had resurfaced, and your heart was aching. Every touch, every kiss, and every move felt like it just happened yesterday and you were growing exhausted from fighting it off.

♣ ♣ ♣

When you saw him, you didn’t think your heart could beat any faster. He looked more disheveled than you had seen him in a while. Hair a mess, bags under his eyes, and a slight mark from where you had hit him adorning his cheek. You approached him carefully and nervously as he did the same.

It was his first time home in four days. The time had given you the space the calm your angry nerves but now you were just left feeling a gap. A gap that Chanyeol normally filled. You felt guilt, anger and uncertainty. Any doubts you had about yourself was normally smoothed over by your best friend but it had been so long since he had smoothed over any of your hard edges. Things just hadn’t been the same since you slept with him. Even though you loved him and the sex had been meaningful for you, you wanted to go back in time more than anything to that moment and you wanted to say no.

Part of you felt like you took advantage of him even though you were both drunk. You knew how you felt and he didn’t.

You should have said no.

You should have hit yourself.

How did you go from blaming Chanyeol to blaming yourself?

“Chanyeol,” you said quietly.

He nodded, closing the distance between you two and pulling you into a rough embrace.

You were shocked by the sudden contact and you couldn’t help but let out a surprised gasp. You also couldn’t seem to close his arms around him back, so you stood still as he hugged you until you felt numb. His embrace had felt so foreign as he hadn’t hugged you, let alone touched you, in months. He had especially kept his distance after the night you slept with him and while it hurt, you were thankful.

The hug, it was unwelcomed, and you didn’t know how to protest without offending him, so you allowed it, sinking in agony on your own. You’d have to pick your battles.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered.

When he released you, you looked at his worn face and shook your head. “No, I’m sorry.”

He seemed surprised by your confession, “You don’t need to be sorry about Kyungsoo,” he sighed, guilt ghosting over his face.

You shook your head slowly, “Not Kyungsoo. About hitting you.”

He watched you, “You’re not sorry about Kyungsoo?”

“Didn’t you just tell me I didn’t have to be?” You said startled.

He nodded and then shook his head, “I’m sorry. I’m overwhelmed with emotions. I know you didn’t mean to hit me. You’ve never done so before. I forgive you.”

“You shouldn’t. It was really wrong of me and I’m entirely sorry.”

He gave you a smile, “Have we made up then?”

But how was it that easy? Why would it be that easy? There was still so much broken between the two of you that words couldn’t even begin to repair the fractured bits.

But you hesitated, stepping back from him. “I need to apologize for something else.”

“Hmm?”

“I’m sorry for letting you sleep with me. I took advantage of you and I should have said no.” Instead of asking for answers, you made them up yourself.

He froze, “Y/N-“

“I can’t expect you to have known how I felt. You were horny and I was there - you were right that it meant nothing. I’ve had time to reflect and feel like it really was nothing. It doesn’t change how I feel so please be mindful of my feelings, but I do now realize, you hadn’t intended on hurting me and that it was my fault.” But even though your words said otherwise, part of you screamed at you – wanting Chanyeol to take the fall for some of it. It took two in this game of breaking hearts.

He shook his head, “What?”

“I know that I should have pushed you away. I’m sorry.”

“Y/N, I-“

“I’m doing my best to get over you, Chanyeol. I don’t need Kyungsoo to love me but I just needed his embrace. Does that make any sense?” His embrace and not Chanyeol’s. Fuck, anyone but Chanyeol’s. You couldn’t even bare the brush of his fingertips against you.

He stopped what he was trying to say and nodded, “I’m sorry for slut shaming you. I had no right after what I did. I won’t get involved again. I promise. I’m sorry I got so mad. I-“

You shook your head at him this time, “You don’t have to explain yourself.” Okay, Y/N, what happened to the plan of asking for answers?

You couldn’t help but be soft for Chanyeol at the end of the day and prodding him when he just came back, didn’t seem right even though one half of you was urging you to do so. You were so soft for him but yet your defenses had raised so high. Your whole mind and heart were having a battle and it was exhausting.

“I don’t know if I can. I’m sorry though. You’re right that it’s not my business. Just because what happened between us did, doesn’t mean I can involve myself anymore I’m your sex life. And I won’t.”

You let out a breath of relief and Chanyeol grabbed you once more, embracing you again. “Can we time travel?” Your body tensed, still not responding to his hug.

You laughed half heartedly, “I’ll let you know if I figure out how.”

“I’d give anything to go back two months ago and redo everything.”

And your heart sunk just hearing his words. You wanted to go back too and you regretted what happened but knowing he regretted it too proved that he could never love you. Surely you knew that by now but it still hurt to hear it out loud.

“Me too,” but part of you felt like that was a lie.

You had him for just a moment and part of you was thankful for that one moment even if you did regret it.

Even if you still wanted to go back in time.

You didn’t really know where you stood but what you did know was that you could never go back and you and Chanyeol would never be the same no matter how many times you made up.

No amount of words or hugs could undo the damage that was done.

♣ ♣ ♣

The next mistake you made didn’t take long. Three weeks after sleeping with Kyungsoo, you found yourself in another fight with Chanyeol. This time, over you spending more time with Kyungsoo than him.

What did he expect? Sure, you had made up but that didn’t stop the ache in your chest. The ache that was only stopped by Kyungsoo’s attention and affection.

You hadn’t even been sleeping with Kyungsoo – the two of you agreed it should stay a one time thing, no matter how much you enjoyed it. It was for the best to avoid further complicating things. But during that time, you couldn’t keep scrubbing away the thought of Chanyeol still. The memories resurfaced and coated your being. The thought of his hands splaying over your belly, the thought of his mouth on your skin and the remembrance of the marks he left on your skin felt bone deep. You swore you could still remember exactly where he had marked you. And it was fucking killing you.

You needed to be embraced by anyone just to make the yearning stop and you half wished you could have Kyungsoo again.

But fate and being trapped home alone with one other man, led you right to where you wanted when Yixing woke you up to ask if you wanted to help him make cake for his friends eight year anniversary together.

You hadn’t had much experience with baking as you were more of a chef so you assumed, it was the same.

It was not.

You were over stirring the batter when Yixing laughed softly and grabbed the spoon out of your hand, “You need to fold it more, Y/N. If you over stir, the cake will be stiff.”

You put a hand up in protest, “But what if it’s not stirred enough.”

He showed you the motions with his hand and then gestured for you to do the same, you followed instruction, folding the batter slowly before stopping when he said so, “But what if it’s not fully combined?” you asked once more.

He shook his head, “It is, you want it to be fluffy and airy, over stirring takes that air out. It’s better to be under stirred than over. Trust me.”

You hummed to yourself, watching as he poured the batter into the pan. “When did you become such a baker?”

He laughed, “Well when you have to parent seven grown men, you have to learn. They demand their sweets. What about you? Why haven’t you learned much?”

The question could have been construed as rude but with Yixing, it was just out of curiosity. Especially when you had an extreme sweet tooth. If anything, you should have been good at baking. Smiling softly, you leaned against the counter, “I didn’t have the best childhood. I never had opportunities to do things fun such as baking but when I was in foster care, I had to do a lot of the cooking for the house. So, I developed cooking skills more. We didn’t really get sweets.”

Yixing breathed in harshly, “I never knew you were in foster care.”

“It’s where I met Chanyeol. He volunteered with his family to help involve us foster kids in normal family activities. His family would come for holidays and act as long distance relatives. It was to promote normalcy in a very not normal situation.”

Yixing touched your shoulder softly, “That’s really sweet. No wonder he loves you so much.”

You shrugged, he didn’t really love you that much after all, “I am thankful to him for being with me during those times but now I think we’re growing apart. And it’s for the best, but… I’m lonely.”

Yixing cocked his head, “Why are you growing apart?”

You breathed out of your nose, keeping your lips sealed for a moment, “That’s a tale for another day, Yixing. Regardless, Chanyeol’s absence is leaving me with such a lonely emptiness.”

“I’m lonely too. In this house of ten people who would imagine that? But sometimes I just want to be embraced, honestly,” and then his cheeks heated up, “Sorry I don’t know why I’m telling you that.”

Your eyes fell shut as you tried to remember Kyungsoo’s momentary embrace but all you could think about was Chanyeol and your skin started to crawl. You shook your head at his hesitance, “Me too, Yixing. It’s okay.”

“Chanyeol only sees you as a friend?” He asked hesitantly. “I was under the impression of different.”

Scoffing, you watched Yixing’s reaction, “Contrary to that common belief, we are just friends. We will never be more. Which makes me that more lonely.”

Yixing hesitated again, “Do you have feelings for him?”

You paused wondering how much you should open up but knowing Yixing, your feelings were safe with him – as if you had anyone to hide them from since Chanyeol already knew. “I do but I’m working on getting over him. It’s just hard. I have no outlet. I just… this is going to sound slutty, need to have sex. With anyone. I’ve noticed it’s the only thing to stop the burn, so to speak,” you laughed lightly, “but I know I shouldn’t.”

He gave you a look, “That’s not slutty. Guys sleep around all the time.”

You furrowed your brows in thought, “Yes, but the world will always look at women differently.”

“Like Chanyeol did,” Yixing said quietly.

You nodded, “Yes.”

“Well,” he started, “for the record as long as your safe, I don’t see what the big deal is. Sleep around all you want Y/N. I would too if I could.”

You raised a brow now, “Why can’t you?”

“I want to be with someone I trust. Even if it’s not for a relationship I just want to trust them, ya know?”

Thinking of Kyungsoo, you nodded once, “I know what you mean.”

Silence fell between the two of you before Yixing touched you once more, “Um, Y/N?”

Your gaze shot up to his uneasy eyes. “Hmm?”

“If you ever get lonely, you’re welcome to visit my room.”

And in that moment, you shook with nerves. Yixing was offering you an escape from your feelings once more and you were definitely going to take him up on it if you got desperate. You just hoped he meant what you to thought so you very softly asked, “Am I someone you trust?”

He didn’t even blink when he said “Yes,”

You just found your next relief and the thought had you anxious.

You very well knew you shouldn’t sleep with another one of your roommates, but you also very well knew, you were going to.

♣ ♣ ♣

“What does he have that I don’t?” Chanyeol threw his hands in the air.

You groaned, “Why is it a competition, Chanyeol? I can have other friends.”

Just another day Chanyeol was jealous of you spending time with Kyungsoo. You had to admit, you were spending more time with him, but you also had to admit that being around Chanyeol was hard. It seemed like it wasn’t a bad idea that the two of you had some time apart from each other. It may even be better than spending time together.

No matter how much you loved and cared for him, you hurt just as equally and sometimes you had to look out for your own feelings – especially when the other person wasn’t.

He paced your bedroom, “Okay, but you’re neglecting me and all you do is hang out with Kyungsoo. I thought we were good? Why are you avoiding me?”

“I’m not avoiding you,” you said simply as you shrugged your shoulders. So you weren’t avoiding him necessarily but you were taking a break. You would still talk to him and see him but hanging out was hard.

His finger pointed accusingly at you, “But you’ve ditched on all of our plans and spent all of you time with him. You won’t even get coffee with me. What’s the deal?”

You guys always got coffee together on Monday and Wednesday just as you had in your younger years but you couldn’t bear it lately.

You glared at him, “Do you really want the answer?”

“Say it,” he spat.

“Kyungsoo is easier to be around.”

He groaned, “I thought we were past everything. You apologized and so did I. What else could be left?”

“There are still remains, Chanyeol. As much as I want to get past our past, I can’t.”

He was stunned. “You slept with Kyungsoo too!” he yelled, “But things are just fine between you. How?”

“Stop bringing it up, Chanyeol!”

“You started it!”

You stood, pointing to your door, “Get out, I’m not doing this.”

“I’ll leave when you tell me what the difference is.”

You blinked at him. Once. Twice. And three times before laughing, “You already know.”

He cocked his head, “If I did why would I ask?”

“It’s because I love you, you fucking idiot.”

His body tensed as he shook his head, “You’ve got to stop saying that.”

“Then stop making me.”

He let out a puff of air, “Tell me, Y/N, what can I do to fix this? What can I do to make us stop to make us stop arguing?”

“Stop coming at me for not spending time with you. Sometimes, I know it’s hard to imagine, but you’re hard to be around because my feelings are so strong. I have distinct memories, Chanyeol and they hurt me. If you love me,” he flinched, “as a friend, then you’ll give me space. I just need space.”

“All you want is space. What about what I want?”

“I have to suffer to do what you want, Chanyeol. Do you want me to suffer?”

He tapped his foot, “Can you not suffer for me? You love me but you can’t suffer for me?”

You glared at him with furrowed brows, “You want me to suffer for you? You don’t want me to love you, but you think if I love you, I’d suffer?”

He didn’t say anything.

“Just leave Chanyeol. It’s not worth it.”

“What’s not worth it?”

“The fighting, the friendship, anything!”

He threw his hands in the air. “Fuck you too, Y/N. This is not how you treat someone you love!”

You lifted a pillow into the air and flung it at him, “This is not how you treat someone who loves you.” He caught it before it could touch him and looked at you baffled.

“I never asked you to love me!” He yelled.

“I never asked to love you either!”

And just as Chanyeol did, he stormed out.

You didn’t know how to make the fighting stop. Nothing you seemed to do was good enough for him. To make yourself suffer and spend time with him, would be difficult but you thought maybe if the two of you could ever get on common grounds enough that you could try. Try. You could try getting coffee with him again and see how bad that hurt.

But you knew it would hurt a lot.

It was that night, feeling weak and crying over Chanyeol that you snuck to Yixing’s room at half past midnight.

You knocked, meekly half hoping he wouldn’t answer but when he did, you were as startled as he.

“Y/N,” he said quietly before ushering you inside.

You looked around to be sure no one saw you and when the coast was clear, you went inside.

“What brings you here this late?”

You sighed, “I’m gonna sound pathetic.”

He sat on his bed, “I’m sure it’s a good reason.”

“Chanyeol and I fought again and I’m really not feeling so great. I just needed… an escape. If you’re not in the mood to-“

He put a hand up, silencing you, “No. you’re more than welcome. I was hoping to see you soon.”

You smiled at him, “Thank you.”

“For the record, the offer was for platonic relations as much as more… uh… romantic. If you want to just have someone to talk to I can be that too.”

You paused and sat next to him when he patted the bed next to him. “Well, don’t be offended but if I wanted platonic, I’d normally seek out Soo.”

He laughed, “Nothing is better than a woman who knows what she wants. I know we’re not very close but I assure you if you ever need it, I could be here for you like him too.”

“I feel inclined to tell you…” you trailed off momentarily.

“What’s that?”

“I did sleep with Kyungsoo. We’re completely just friends but I felt like you should know… I don’t want to mislead you-“

He shook his head quickly, “It’s not my business. All that’s my business is what happens in here.”

You shook, “Thank you.”

He reached for your hand, taking it gently and giving you a small smile. “What can I do for you then, Y/N? What would you like from me?”

You giggled, “Don’t we just… see where it goes.”

He moved his head from one side to another, “We could. Or,” he tightened his grip on your hand, “You could tell me what you really want.”

You squeezed his hand and looked up into his big dark eyes, “I’m not sure… I didn’t think that far.”

His eyes searched yours, “There’s not time like the present. What do you really want that you don’t get often? What do you really feel like? You came to me, after all.”

You were sure your cheeks were bright red at the subject. You normally didn’t talk things out before you had sex so this was new. Not that it was a turn off because of anything, it was more of a turn on. Yixing wanted to be sure you did something you wanted and that made you excited.

He gave you moments of silence so you could think, just holding your hand and being patient while you tried to imagine the things you wanted Yixing to do to you.

Oh, the things you wanted Yixing to do.

Considering the drunk stupid sex you had with Chanyeol, you wanted something more memorable and different. You needed something that would be left behind on your skin the way Chanyeol had. You needed something to block it.

And then it came to you.

“Um,” you began.

He nodded eagerly, “Yes, angel?”

And you almost bust every vessel in your body in that one moment. Nobody had ever called you angel before and nobody had ever called you a pet name the way he did. It rolled so perfectly off of Yixing’s tongue that you would have swore he said it to you at thousand times. You visibly shivered. “I’m imagining… water…” you said carefully.

He smirked and you saw his tongue poke out to lick his lips, “I was hoping you’d say that. Shower then?”

You nodded and Yixing stood, pulling you up with him. He led you carefully over to the bathroom, stopping just before the threshold and asked, “You sure?”

And remembering Kyungsoo, you decided to vocalize your answer. Nothing was sexier than consent, “Yes. Please Yixing.”

And then your back was pressed against the bathroom door as Yixing’s eyes prodded yours before he bent down, pressing his lips sweetly against yours. You moaned into his mouth as his hand that was still holding yours moved to your cheek and the other one to your waist. His lips moved expertly and part of you wondered who the hell made him so experienced. You couldn’t help but be jealous. His lips felt like fire and you felt like ice as you melted beneath him, barley able to stand on your own to feet as he continued his assault.

His lips left yours to move to your neck, kissing and biting the skin gently before asking, “Can I mark you? I don’t have to if you don’t want to - I’m just kind of into it.”

You groaned deeply and nodded, you loved when a man marked you. It made you feel possessed in the best moment and you were sure it would help scrub away any bad memories if not mentally, then physically. “Yes please.”

And then he bit down on your neck, sucking the skin of the hollow of your neck into his mouth. His teeth nipped at the skin, causing you pain but in turn, a whole lot more pleasure.

You knew you were getting wet just from him biting you.

He made his way up from the bottom of your neck all the way up to your chin before moving to the other side. From where he was pressed against you, you could feel his hardened cock pressed against your abdomen and you swore you felt like electric shocks had racked through your body. In the moment, you didn’t realize how much Yixing was really marking you up.

His lips made their way back to yours when they finished the assault on your neck and he smiled as he kissed you, “You’re gonna do so good, angel,” he cooed.

Your knees felt like jello at his words and the only thing holding you up was Yixing’s firm grip.

He left you for a moment, adjusting his hard member as he moved away and he turned on the shower, “I’m gonna warm it up for us. Do you like it hot?”

You nodded. You needed your skin to melt.

He smiled at you again, “Good. It’s going to be hot in there.”

After touching the water and being sure it was warm, he reached for you, spinning you around in his arms until you were standing in front of the mirror with him, your eyes moving over the marks on your neck as you pressed your ass against his boner.

His fingers trickled down your neck as he counted the marks, “You’re so pretty like this.”

You smiled, your hands reaching behind you to grab his neck. He took advantage of the moment to strip you, pulling your shirt over your arms and then pulling down your pajama pants and underwear in one quick swoop. He groaned at you, enjoying the view of you almost naked and pressed against him before he unsnapped your bra and threw it on the ground.

His hands roamed over your body, delicately pressing into your skin as he felt all of your curves before they made their way back up to your breasts, cupping them gently with his hands before releasing them and watching them bounce.

“Beautiful,” he praised.

You pressed your ass against him, “You too, Yixing,” you said in reference to his clothes.

He nodded, stepping away from you to strip quickly.

You watched in the mirror and the moment his cock sprang free, you were stunned. He was packing and you were thoroughly surprised at the boys in the house. Why hadn’t you thought of sleeping with them before?

Oh.

Chanyeol.

You focused on Yixing, trying to push away the thought as he came up behind you, grasping your hips and pressing them into his. His cock rubbed against your ass cheeks as he did so.

Both of you let out quiet moans before Yixing pulled you towards the shower, opening the glass door and pulling the two of you inside.

He watched you as you stood under the stream of water and he grinned. “You’re really perfect. Has anyone told you that?”

You shook your head, nobody had really ever said that to you.

Definitely not Chanyeol.

Oh god.

There he was again. Coming back into your thoughts when you least needed it.

You reached for Yixing and he embraced you, rubbing his hands down your wet sides and kissing you.

“Yixing, please,” you begged, “I really need this.”

Hot water splashed down onto both of you as he gave you a look, “No foreplay?”

You laughed, “You’re enough foreplay. Feel me if you’re not sure, but I’m drenched.”

He growled before nodding and turning you around, bending your body over. “Is this okay?”

“Fuck yes,” you squeezed as he rubbed his hands over your ass. He dipped a finger inside you and groaned when he felt your wetness.

“You’re so ready for me,” he muttered.

Your hands hung in the air, not really sure where to put them as you were bent over but that was the least of your worries when you felt Yixing push inside you.

A strangled moan escaped your lips when he thrusted harder, forcing you to bend further down and your hands to press their palms into the tiled floor of the shower. You don’t know if you had ever had it like this before. You were so far arched that you could feel every movement from Yixing and every thrust was him hitting your cervix. The pain was delightful and took away all of your worries.

He grabbed your hips, pulling in and out of you, fast and slow all at the same time. His rhythm was unique and fuck if you needed it right then.

“You’re doing good, angel,” the words came out needy and whiny, but you found it arousing the way his words dripped with sincerity and emotion.

You moaned out his name, feeling the pressure building inside you as he thrusted faster. His moans were turning you on so much that you could hear the squelching sound your womanhood made when he pressed in and out. You felt slightly embarrassed but the more he fucked you, the more he fucked the embarrassment, worry and pain away.

His hand splayed over your back momentarily before coming down and around your breast, grabbing roughly and running his thumb over your nipple. When you let out a howl in pain, he released you, muttering a “Sorry, angel,” and releasing his hand.

One of his hands gripped your thigh, lifting it slightly and nearly causing you to eat shit against the tile, but he steadied you. Thrusting harder thanks to the new angle. You pressed your palms and heel into the tile as hard as you could as your mouth had fallen wide open and you couldn’t stop the loud moans that were escaping. Thankfully, the loud shower would cover them. Yixing’s new angle put pressure on your clit and it made things that much more intense for you.

After a couple of moments, he released your leg, letting out a loud moan and pressing his hands into the small of you back.

He continued his assault on your body, running his hands over your wet back and ass, caressing you in all the right places before pulling out without warning, forcing you to bend back over when you tried to stand and bending down behind you, his tongue lapping over your opening and clit.

You moaned loudly, reaching back to touch him and he grabbed your hand, holding it back.

His tongue moved up and down, wrapping around your clit when he got the chance and causing you to climax directly on his face when neither of you expected it. Way quicker than you had intended.

“Sorry,” you murmured as he just laughed.

“That was the goal, angel.”

“What about you?” You asked out of breath and still bent over in the hot shower. You could see the steam coating the glass door and the marks you guys had left on it.

“I can just get off really quick, don’t you worry your little head about it.”

You shook your head and then stood, before getting down on your knees in front of him, facing away from the shower head.

You took him quickly in your mouth before he could oppose and he groaned loudly. You sucked hard and fast, not wanting to get anyone off as badly as you wanted to get him off in that moment. Your cheeks hallowed and you took him to the back of your throat, gagging as you did. One hand wrapped around his shaft that you couldn’t fit in your mouth and the other cupped his balls as you sucked faster.

You could feel him thrusting into your mouth slightly in response to the feeling and it made you smile around him. You loved having Yixing like this. You loved having control over a man more than anything.

He came hard and you swallowed every bit that you could even if you gagged as he came when his cock hit the very back of your throat. Yixing took a few minutes to come too before pulling you up and kissing your lips lightly. “You’re great,” he complimented as he reached for his shampoo. “Ready for the good part though?”

You raised a brow and let out a heavy sigh as you tried to catch your breath, “What’s that?”

He scoffed, “Getting your hair shampooed.”

Your lips spread into a grin as your turned around and let Yixing wash your hair and body. He was gentle as his fingers massaged the woodsy smelling shampoo into your scalp. You let out a slight sigh as he scrubbed away at your scalp, being sure to coat every strand of hair in shampoo.

When he was done with you, you gestured for him to bend down so you could do the same. He laughed, bending his head so you could rub your fingers into his scalp and coat his short hair. You made quick work of it though because you knew the angle was awkward for his neck.

With the shampoo washed out, he grabbed a loofa, dripping some body wash onto it before gesturing for you to stand in front of him with your arms out.

You giggled as he gently tickled your body with the loofa, cleaning every crevice of your skin that he could.

It turned out, Yixing was quite the gentleman and his aftercare was the best you had received in years.

You finished up the shower Yixing after you helped wash his perfectly sculpted body, the two of you having stayed in there until the water ran cold and both of you sought the warmth of his large bath towels.

He apologized for the marks he left as the two of you dressed and you just waved him off, “I like them,” you responded and no matter how true it was, you were nervous to hide the marks since you barley wore makeup. If Chanyeol saw them, you were scared what would happen.

He helped you put your clothes on, gently and tenderly pulling every piece of material over your limbs and making you smile when he kissed your forehead when he was done.

“I wish you didn’t have to go. I’d love to keep you in my bed all night.”

You smirked at him, “I’m sure you would.”

And you could tell Yixing was starting to get hard again but unfortunately, you had to go before it was too late and someone noticed you weren’t where you were supposed to be.

Like the gentleman he was he gave you one last kiss before you left his room.

You let the room just past two am, cold from getting out of the cool shower and nervous to run into anyone leaving his room.

But fate was never on your side when you ran into Sehun in the hall. He eyed you suspiciously before pointing his fingers at his eyes then at you, “I’m watching you.”

You put your hands in the air in defense, “I’m not doing anything.”

He pursed his lips, “Explain coming out of Yixing’s room then.”

You stumbled over your words, “I was just hanging out with him.”

“Then who are those from?” He pressed, pointing at the marks on your neck.

You froze, trying to cover them with your hands and your teeth started chattering, “What are you talking about?”

He had one brow raised, “Did you go to his room just to shower? Don’t you and Chanyeol share a bathroom?”

And then you freaked out when you heard his name, “Please for fuck sake don’t tell Chanyeol.”

He smirked, “So you were up to something,” he said with certainty.

“I-I-“

He laughed, “Don’t worry, your secret is safe with me sweet Y/N, but don’t think I don’t know everything that goes on in this house.”

And you parted ways, panic was heavy in your heart things getting worse when you went back to your room and you found Chanyeol sleeping in your bed. You gasped in shock, not sure what to do at first but you tried to keep your cool. Chaneyol always used to sleep in bed with you, this should be nothing different. But fuck, it after you just slept with Yixing and seeing the man in your bed, all you could imagine was Chanyeol holding you that night all over again.

And the burn was only gone for so long as your heart started to press roughly against your chest, and you felt pain all the way up your throat.

You sighed, going to the bathroom quickly before joining the man in your bed, keeping an arm length distance and falling asleep.

♣ ♣ ♣

~ ❤ Three ❤ ~

tags: @yourexotextplus and @xiusoomygod

#exo list #chanyeol fanfic #chanyeol angst #yixing smut #yixing fluff #exo fanfic #exo smut #exo angst #exo series #chanyeol series

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splendidlyimperfect · 4 years

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It’s been thirteen years since Natsu and Gray met in a program for troubled youth - since they both fell apart and helped put each other back together. Now they’re married and happy, loving each other and the shared family they found. But the past doesn’t always stay past, and when the things that broke them come back into their lives, Natsu and Gray have difficult decisions to make - ones that could change their lives forever.

Chapter Summary: Natsu and Gray deal with the aftermath of their fight.

Chapters (9/?): 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Natsu Dragneel/Gray Fullbuster, Rogue Cheney/Sting Eucliffe, Laxus Dreyar/Freed Justine, Cana Alberona/Lucy Heartfilia, Chelia Blendy/Wendy Marvell Characters: Natsu Dragneel, Gray Fullbuster, Rogue Cheney, Sting Eucliffe, Freed Justine, Laxus Dreyar, Wendy Marvell, Chelia Blendy, Ultear Milkovich, Lyon Vastia, Lucy Heartfilia, Cana Alberona Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Aged-Up Character(s), Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Fluff and Angst, Married Couple, Established Relationship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Past Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Drug Addiction, Mental Health Issues, Foster Care, Family Issues, Tumblr: FTLGBTales, Grief/Mourning, Childhood Trauma, Bipolar Disorder, Adoption, Families of Choice, Nonbinary Character, Trans Character, Genderfluid Character, Forgiveness, Absent Parents, they're really in love but are sometimes dumb, Natsu is a stubborn shit Series: Part 14 of the only hope for me is you, Part 3 of if you jump i'll break your fall

**TW for brief mention of suicide attempt and child abuse

-----

Gray woke up alone. A thin ray of morning sunlight spilled through the window, and Happy was curled up next to him, purring contentedly. It took Gray a second to realize that he was still dressed in yesterday’s clothes.

“Hey, you,” he said to Happy, voice hoarse as he pushed himself up and ran his fingers through his hair. His eyes were swollen from crying, and when he rubbed his face, his skin felt tight and uncomfortable.

A clattering sound from the kitchen filled Gray with a sense of relief – Natsu was still here. Gray stretched, then stood up and took a deep breath before heading out into the living room.

Natsu stood in the kitchen, staring dully at a spot on the counter. The only sound in the apartment was the soft hiss of the coffee machine and the quiet hum of the washing machine from down the hallway.

“Hey,” Gray said, moving closer to Natsu and reaching out for him hesitantly. Natsu looked up at Gray with red eyes, giving him a soft smile before pulling him into an embrace. The tension in Gray’s body slowly melted away as he let himself relax in Natsu’s arms.

“You hungry?” Natsu asked, nodding at the fridge. “I can make pancakes.”

Gray shook his head. “My stomach hurts,” he mumbled into Natsu’s shoulder.

“Mine too,” Natsu said, kissing Gray’s temple. “C’mon, let’s go sit down.”

Continue reading on AO3

Gray grabbed both cups of coffee and followed Natsu into the living room where they both curled up on the couch. Natsu yawned, rubbing his face and then pulling his sleeves down over his hands.

“That’s my sweater,” Gray said, sipping his coffee.

“Mm.” Natsu picked at a loose thread in the blanket. “I just...”

Guilt welled up in Gray’s chest and he set his coffee down on the table, then took Natsu’s hand. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I shouldn’t have said those things. I didn’t mean them.”

“You did,” Natsu said, shaking his head. “It’s okay,” Natsu reassured Gray quickly, squeezing his hand. “I was the one who was an ass. I shouldn’t have lied to you about my dad; I don’t know what the hell I was thinking.” He swallowed, keeping his gaze on their joined hands. “I didn’t plan on talking to him, I wasn’t lying about that, I promise.”

Gray shifted closer, pushing the blanket out of the way and wrapping his arm around Natsu. Natsu sighed, tipping his head against Gray’s and running his thumb over Gray’s knuckles.

“I just kept thinking about him. And you kept saying he could be dangerous, and it just... it made me feel stupid. I know you’re just looking out for me – I know that, but sometimes I just feel like this—like all I do is make mistakes, and hold you back, and you’re stuck taking care of me.”

“Natsu,” Gray said gently, pulling him closer.

“And you saying that it’s true, that I am too much sometimes—”

“That’s not—”

“Sorry, no, that’s not what I meant.” Natsu shook his head. “I just mean... you’re allowed to be overwhelmed, that’s not your fault.”

“It’s not your fault either.”

“I know that. But it’s still a lot for you. I just... I’m so, so scared that one day you’re gonna get sick of dealing with me. That everyone is. Like everyone has this invisible counter and I use up chances with them every time I fuck up, and when that counter runs out, they’re going to leave.”

“I’m never going to leave you,” Gray insisted.

Natsu swallowed, squeezing Gray’s hand. “Please don’t take this the wrong way,” he said softly, “but I don’t know if I’ll ever really be able to believe that.”

A pang of hurt twisted in Gray’s chest. “Natsu, I—”

“It’s not you,” Natsu said quickly. “But so many people have left me. Not just my dad, but everyone who was supposed to be there for me. And every time I got moved or sent somewhere else, they told me I was too much. Too much work, too much trouble, too much to deal with.”

“Oh, sweetheart,” Gray murmured, kissing the top of Natsu’s head.

“It’s why I stayed with Don,” Natsu said, running his fingers across the ring of circular scars across his right wrist. A flash of anger sparked through Gray as he recalled Natsu talking to his old social worker, telling her about how his foster father had held his arm down and burned him with the end of his cigarette as punishment for coming home late. “I was just tired of moving,” Natsu said softly. “I was tired of being too much. And then…” His gaze moved to his left arm, where the scars from the fire covered the one that had remained after he’d tried to take his life.

“I know,” Gray said, trying not to think of that terrifying day. “And I’m so sorry I brought that up – it wasn’t fair.”

“No, it’s okay,” Natsu said. “I think about it sometimes. How scared you must have been, finding me like that, and then you just… you took me in, let me stay, and you loved me, and…” His voice wavered and he touched his wedding band. “I’d never felt like that before. Being loved like that, I mean. You were the first person to tell me that you loved me since my dad.”

Gray wrapped both arms around Natsu and held him as tight as possible, fighting against the tears that were threatening to resurface again. “I do love you,” he whispered. “So, so much, and I’m never going to stop. I know it’s hard for you to believe, but there’s nothing you could do to drive me away. You’re the most important person in my life and I would be so lost without you.”

Natsu sniffed, turning in Gray’s arms and pressing his face to Gray’s shoulder. He always felt safe here, felt loved and needed. The doubt only surfaced when they were apart; when Natsu was alone with his thoughts and his brain kept whispering: nobody needs you, nobody loves you, they’re all just tolerating you, one day they’re all going to leave.

“You saved my life, too,” Gray said, kissing Natsu’s forehead. The tiny gesture flooded through Natsu and he squeezed his eyes shut against the tears that welled up inside him. “All the good things I have are because of you, and I wouldn’t trade that for anything.”

Natsu took a shaky breath. “Really?”

“Really,” Gray said, running a hand up and down his arm. “I don’t think you’re broken, mon couer. You’re not damaged, or too much, and I wouldn’t love you more if you weren’t bipolar.”

Natsu couldn’t help the choked sob that broke out of him as relief started to push away the doubt. Gray made a soft, soothing sound and ran his fingers through Natsu’s hair, resting his cheek on the top of Natsu’s head.

“It’s not your fault,” Gray said again, “and I’m sorry I made you feel that way.”

Natsu curled closer against Gray, rubbing at his face with his hoodie sleeve. The skin around his eyes ached from yesterday’s tears.

“I do feel overwhelmed sometimes,” Gray said. “Sometimes I wonder if I’m doing the right thing, or if I could be… better, or more supportive. It’s scary and frustrating to see you hurting, but I know you can’t change it. And I didn’t mean to keep any of that from you, I just felt like… you didn’t need to deal with that on top of how you were feeling. I know you’re scared I’m going to leave, and I didn’t want to make that worse.”

Shame and regret crept into Natsu’s cheeks as he thought about the angry words he’d shouted the night before. “I feel so stupid,” he said. “I hate being sick. I hate not knowing if my feelings are real, or just dumb chemicals in my brain not working the way they should. I hate that you get scared, I hate that I feel so fucking out of control sometimes.”

“I know,” Gray murmured. “And I’m sure me asking about your meds doesn’t help.”

Natsu thought about the pill container next to the stove, about the tiny pang of shame that ran through him some days when he swallowed them down. “It doesn’t,” he admitted, “but I get why you ask. I have been taking them, I promise, but… I dunno, maybe I need to see my psychiatrist again.” He groaned in frustration.

“That might not be a bad idea,” Gray said gently. “But I think this is more than just meds. The stuff with your dad, I mean.”

Natsu sighed. “Yeah,” he said. Then he reached down and pulled his phone from the pocket of his sweatpants, turning it on and opening the conversation with Neelan. The last message sat there like an accusation.

Do you want to meet?

He scrolled up until he found the picture he was looking for, then passed the phone to Gray. “That’s my mom,” he said quietly. “I’d never seen a picture of her before.”

Gray stared at the photo for a moment as he ran his thumb across Natsu’s shoulder. “She looks just like you,” he said eventually. “Can I look at the rest of them?”

Natsu nodded, watching as Gray slowly flipped through the other photos. He paused on the one of Neelan holding Natsu in the hospital.

“He loved me,” Natsu said softly as he stared at the picture. “And he seems so… normal. He keeps apologizing for leaving, but he still hasn’t said why, and I don’t know how to ask.”

Gray made a sympathetic noise, closing the photos and scrolling up through the messages. “Do you want to meet him?” he asked.

“I think so,” Natsu said. He braced himself for Gray to disagree, but Gray didn’t say anything. “Is that… okay?”

Gray set the phone down on the couch and moved to face Natsu, taking both of his hands and squeezing them. “It’s not my decision,” he said. “I don’t want to tell you what to do. I’m scared of what might happen, and you’re right, that’s on me and my trauma. I just want to be a part whatever you do. If you want to meet him, I’ll be here for you, okay?”

“Okay,” Natsu said, cheeks burning with shame. “I’m so sorry I lied to you.”

“I forgive you,” Gray said, bringing Natsu’s hands up and kissing them. “And I’m sorry for making you feel like I didn’t trust you.”

Natsu leaned in and pressed his forehead to Gray’s. “You’d think we’d know better after thirteen years,” he said, and was relieved when a small smile crept across Gray’s face.

“It’s because we’re both stubborn assholes,” Gray said. “I hate fighting.”

“Me too.” Natsu let go of one of Gray’s hands and touched his cheek, then leaned in slowly, sighing in relief when Gray tentatively kissed him. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

Natsu kissed Gray again, then pulled back and brushed a few stray hairs out of his face. “Do you want to talk about Lyon?” he asked. Guilt still rested heavily in his chest at the thought of Gray, curled up against their bedroom wall and crying harder than he had in a long, long time.

“Not right now.” Gray picked at a hole in his sweatpants. “Can we shower? I feel gross.”

“Same,” Natsu said, pushing himself up off the couch and helping Gray up too. “Why don’t I text Sting and see if I can take the afternoon off; I don’t have any big jobs right now. Maybe we can go down to the beach, or go have lunch with Sylvie?”

Gray nodded, stepping forward and pulling Natsu into a tight hug. “That sounds nice.” He pressed his forehead to Natsu’s shoulder and yawned. “Can we take a nap first? I’m so tired.”

“Of course,” Natsu said, kissing Gray’s cheek and holding him close. “Whatever you need.”

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell him.”

Sting’s voice was quiet, but Natsu could hear the frustration in it, even over the phone.

“I know,” Natsu said softly, glancing back at the bedroom where Gray was still sleeping. “I feel really shitty and stupid. We spent all morning talking about it, and we’re both exhausted.”

Sting made a quiet sound of sympathy. “It’s not busy here, don’t worry about coming in. Just...” He sighed. “You lied to me, too.”

Natsu groaned and slumped back against the couch. “I know. I’m sorry.”

“We all do dumb shit,” Sting said, voice softening. “I’m glad you talked to him, though. He’s just worried about you – that’s what husbands are supposed to do. Ryos drives me crazy when he gets on my case about my meds, too. But he’s not doing it because he doesn’t trust me, he’s doing it because the last time I had a seizure, I ended up with sixteen stitches and scared the shit out of Noah.”

Natsu nodded, remembering Sting falling from the ladder at work and the awful cracking sound when his head had hit the concrete floor of the shop.

“You’re right,” he said.

“Of course I am,” Sting said, and Natsu was relieved to hear the disappointment in his voice turning to gentle teasing. “Now go do something nice with your husband and I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Gray didn’t talk about Lyon until later that evening, when they were sitting on the beach near the pier and watching the sunset. Soft, pink light spilled across the waves, rippling as the tide washed through the sand and dragged it back out to sea.

“I miss him, sometimes,” Gray said. He was sitting between Natsu’s legs, back against his chest with Natsu’s arms wrapped around him.

“Lyon?”

“Mm.” Gray kicked off his flip-flops and dug his feet into the sand. “When Ultear said he was having this hearing, the first thing I felt was scared. But...” He trailed off, looking down at the bracelet around his wrist. Lyon had given it to him years ago, before their mom had died. “I don’t know if I’m angry or relieved,” Gray admitted after a minute. “Or both.”

“Would you want to see him? If he gets out on parole?”

Gray looked back out at the ocean and sighed. “I don’t know. Maybe? Is that weird?”

“I don’t think so. He’s your brother.”

“But he hurt me,” Gray said quietly. He reached up and touched his shoulder where the skin was white and scarred. “Why would I want to see him?”

“Because he loves you,” Natsu said. “And I know you love him.” Natsu kissed the top of Gray’s head, then took both hands in his, slipping their fingers together. “Your relationship with him is more than just the bad shit that happened. You have years of good memories with him before that, right?”

Gray shrugged. “I guess. I just... there was some part of me that thought he was gone forever, y’know? And I know parole is a thing, and he’s been there for a long time already, I had just kind of resigned myself to never seeing him again.”

“I know.”

The sun finally dipped below the horizon, leaving them in a soft darkness. Gray closed his eyes, tipping his head back against Natsu’s shoulder and cuddling closer to him.

“Ultear said I could write a Victim Impact Statement,” he said after a while. “For the hearing.” Natsu nodded. He had written one for Don’s trial, but his social worker, Richelle, had been the one to read it in court. “I did the first time,” Gray added. “When Lyon was sentenced. I didn’t go, Ultear read it for me. I don’t even remember what it said.” He sighed, keeping his eyes closed. “I just feel a whole bunch of different things and I hate all of them.”

Natsu pulled Gray closer and squeezed his hands. “You said you have an appointment with Victim Services on Friday?” he asked. Gray nodded. “What about going to see your therapist?”

Gray groaned. “I don’t want to,” he grumbled. “I hate therapy.”

“I know, Snowflake.” Natsu kissed his cheek. “Actually, I was thinking... what if we went to therapy together?” Gray opened his eyes and frowned at Natsu. “Don’t pout,” Natsu teased.

“’m not pouting,” Gray insisted. Natsu laughed and kissed his nose.

“You are a bit.”

Gray huffed, shuffling further back against Natsu.

“Freed and Laxus go to therapy together,” Natsu said after a minute. Gray raised an eyebrow. “Laxus was telling me about it the last time we were over there. Just ‘cause of all the shit with his dad, and stress and stuff. And Sting and Ryos go too, with Noah and without him. It’s not a bad thing.”

“I know,” Gray said, wishing that the idea of talking about his feelings with a stranger didn’t make him feel like throwing up. “You’re probably right.”

“You know I am.” Natsu shifted in the sand and moved his arms down around Gray’s waist. “I wish everything were easier,” he said, resting his chin on Gray’s shoulder. “I feel like a mess.”

“You are a mess,” Gray teased. “That’s why I love you. We’re both disasters and we always have been.”

Natsu laughed, nipping playfully at Gray’s ear. Gray elbowed him half-heartedly and he made an exaggerated sound of protest before kissing behind Gray’s ear instead. “We’re gonna be okay, right?” he asked, breath tickling Gray’s neck.

“Yeah,” Gray said, tipping his head to the side and catching Natsu’s lips in a soft kiss. “We’ll be okay. I promise.”

#fairy tail #ftlgbtales #ftlgbtfics #gratsu #gray x natsu #gray fullbuster #natsu dragneel #fanfic #new chapter #update #my fic

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samwrights · 6 years

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Homesick // Pt 7

Summary: Tony and Pepper’s daughter Madelyn just graduated from Midtown School of Science and Technology. Without her parents knowledge, she managed to land an internship with her dad’s business to keep her busy over the summer and to prepare her for what she wants to do with her future. But she isn’t the only one with a Stark Enterprises internship—and now she’s stuck working with some overly excited ongoing sophomore named Peter Parker.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Pairing: Stark!Daughter x Peter (OC) Words: 3,518 Loop: Drugs // EDEN You’re So Last Summer // Taking Back Sunday

I got way too many routes to take to make this all just go away. VII.

It was the third week of June. Elly had finally completed the Spider-Suit and, after some fine tuning tweaks from her father, it was finally packed away for Peter to use. Her dad and him had flown off to Germany for some big Avengers mission involving the Sokovia Accords. In his absence, he had been video calling Elly and keeping a small video diary as much as he could. Currently, Happy Hogan was rushing him into his hotel room while telling him to suit up. The very disgruntled Happy brought Peter to the common space of his hotel room upon seeing him in his ragtag hoodie and tights, revealing a large metal suitcase. He gave the young Spider-Man two minutes to get changed into his long awaited suit. Atop the silver suitcase was a small, handwritten note that read, “A minor upgrade for you, babe” with MJS signed in beautiful calligraphy. In his mind, he could hear her sarcastic tone and all he wanted in this moment was to call her and show her what the suit looked like on. However, he was once again being ushered by Happy and he never got the chance.

Elly was currently sitting at home trying her best to be productive, but she was just so bored. With her dad being gone, she was technically free from work. She answered office phone calls, despite not having to, and nearly all of those calls ended up in her taking a message since she was unsure of her when her father would return. She cleaned the fourth and fifth floors that belonged to the Stark family time and time again. Elly had drawn up more upgrades for Iron Man and Spider-Man and even humored herself in making her own rendition of an Iron Man suit for herself that she had wanted to show to her dad and boyfriend. But aside from that, she felt she was lacking inspiration and creativity. She was bored and she was missing Peter.

Their days were full of such laughter that lifted up Elly’s spirits that felt she had felt as if something were missing while he was gone. Every morning, she would pick him up to start their work day. They would spend their lunch together, talking about the progress and processes of their internship. Their nights were spent playing video games or watching movies together in the Stark family home theater. Every day seemed to start and end with Peter, and not knowing when he was going to be back was killing her. Since his departure, Elly often found herself curled up on the couch alone watching TV or a variety of YouTube videos serving as background noise as she sipped on tea with her leather bound sketchbook in her lap while she continued designs for her own suit. Tonight was one of those nights. Her eyes were dancing with fatigue as they fought to focus on the current episode of Stranger Things that she was attempting to watch. Sleep seemed to be winning until her phone started blaring the last verse of Taking Back Sunday’s “You’re So Last Summer”, signifying Peter was finally able to call. As soon as she answered, he was babbling away in excitement.

“Elly! Elly, oh my god the most amazing thing happened to me. So your dad was all like ‘Hey, underoos!’ and I just kind of flipped in and was like ‘sup everybody’ and I stole Captain America’s shield and—hey just a second! Coming!” Peter literally had not taken a breath since Elly picked up the video chat, and she wondered how on earth he could talk so fast, let alone do a back flip off of his bed while he was laying on his stomach. Elly was able to see Happy enter his room in a robe, gripe about the thin walls before disappearing from her view again. Peter rushed back to his phone, his vibrant smile still glued to his face. “Anyway, thank you so much for the suit Elly, it’s awesome. I would have called you sooner but I didn’t get a chance to.” She chuckled softly at his uncontainable elation.

“It’s fine, Peter. So you stole uncle Steve’s shield. What else happened today?” He began giving Elly a run down of everything she had missed. She tried her best to picture everyone that was there, though a couple of descriptions sounded unfamiliar. She gather her uncle Clint was also a part of the battle, which made her just a little melancholy. She hadn’t seen him or his family in a while, and now she was questioning when the next time would even be. When Peter got to the part in the story where he tangled some giant guy’s legs like in Empire Strikes Back, Elly was shaking with laughter.

“That’s pretty funny. I can’t wait to see all of the videos you took in Germany.”

“I can’t wait until we go home. I miss you.” The vivacious conversation had died down with those words—reality setting in and bringing them the realization that this is the longest they had been apart.

“I miss you too. Any idea when you and dad are going to be back?”

“I-I’m not sure yet. I’d talk to him but he’s been pretty tense since Captain America got away.” A soft, disappointed sigh left Elly’s lips.

“I don’t doubt that. I wish I was with you guys instead. I’m so freakin’ bored.” Elly had picked up the art of diversion from her father, learning to immediately change the subject to something inclusive instead of sad.

“Germany would have been awesome to see with you.”

“We’ll go, one day.” Another thing she had learned from her dad—explore the world as often as possible. Though this exact scenario wasn’t quite what he meant, she had only learned through observation. Any time Tony was out somewhere without Pepper, he always promised to take her back there. They talked some more, mostly one what Elly had been doing while the men in her life were away, which felt like a whole lot of nothing. “I’m gonna go to bed, babe. I can hardly keep my eyes open.”

“Aw, okay. I miss you, and I’ll see you soon, okay love? Good night.”

“Night, Peter.” Elly ended the call, hoping the video screen cut off before he could see her rising blush. Him calling her love as he had been the past week made her heart swell and burst. Deciding to crash on the couch, like she had been doing since the Towers been empty, she closed her eyes once again.

Elly awoke the next morning with a crick in her neck, most likely from sleeping on the couch. First thing she did was check her phone; Peter had sent her nearly a dozen photos of him running around Germany with her dad, each photo bringing a smile to her lips. She started her day as normal—eating breakfast, getting a good work out in the training room, and headed up to the lab to work on her private project. The miniature suit Elly had created for herself was over halfway completed. All that was left was the chest plate and helmet, with the latter being the most time consuming piece she was going to need. “I’m home, honey!” Elly hadn’t realized the elevator doors opened until she saw Tony walking towards her. The first thing she noticed was the scrapes and bruises all over her dad. “What’s wrong?” He asked very carefully, taking note of the perplexed look on his daughter’s face.

“D-dad? W-what happened to you?” Tony became very quiet, his lips pursed as if he were in pain.

“Rogers happened. I told him I was trying to keep us all together, he chose his friend. He didn’t choose us, he didn’t choose you like we chose him. I’m sorry, honey.” Elly nodded in understanding before wrapping her arms around her dad’s torso, a singular tear streaming down her face at the harsh truth. She understood how much this hurt him, as well as her.

“You’ve got me and mom, dad.” She mumbled into his chest.

“Nah, I got you kiddo.” Tony hugged his daughter back as tight as he possibly could. They stood in their embrace in the absence of sound until he pulled away, looking at Elly’s workspace. “So I see you started a project. What on earth have you been doing?” There was her dad’s master deflection skills shining through. He picked up her leather bound sketchbook that Peter had given her what felt like ages ago. His eyes landed on the junior Iron Man designs. “What, you want to be just like dad?” Tony joked.

“Pshh, I would be way cooler than Iron Man.” Elly had walked up beside him, proudly showing the sketches she had worked on. Tony tapped his fingers on his chin.

“I don’t know, Iron Girl or Iron Lady would never sound right.” He teased.

“I mean, mom was named Rescue and I loved that.” The slightest frown touched her dad’s lips. It became obvious then that Elly was missing her mom, causing Tony’s guilt to resurface.

“Peacekeeper.” Was all Tony said. Elly raised her eyebrows at him expectantly, waiting for him to explain further. “You always kept the peace between me and your mother, a-and it’s my fault she’s not here.” Silence blanketed over them. Elly had never seen her dad in such a vulnerable state, and she almost felt the need to coddle him.

“Dad…where is she?” Elly inquired quietly.

“We’re on a break.” Tony replied earnestly after a brief pause. “She asked me to stop being Iron Man; that I need to be here more for you and her. But I don’t want to stop—I can’t stop trying to protect you two.” His head hung ever so slightly in shame at the admission.

“I get it, pops. Mom will come around, I promise.”

“Yeah? Can you guarantee that?”

“Yeah, knowing mom? I definitely can.”

Later that night, Tony and Elly had a peaceful, intimate dinner. As much as Elly wanted to go see Peter, she knew her dad needed her company now more than ever. She needed it too. The father and daughter shared many laughs, ending their night playing on their virtual reality gaming consoles in their living room and forgetting the pain they were sharing. After the system was turned off, they sat without speaking to each other and allowed tension to fill the room. “Can I ask you something?” Asked Elly. Her voice was calm and confident despite the nerves that filled her stomach.

“Of course, honey. What’s up?” Tony felt anxious too. He loved spending time with his daughter, but the way she spoke was a very avid reminder of her mother. Pepper always sounded threatening when she opened conversation with such a vague question.

“Let’s have honesty hour.” She declared. “You said you and mom were on a break. I-is it in any way my fault?” The question left Tony stunned.

“Of course not, Elly. It’s mine and I know it is. Your mother and I are working on our own problems, or rather my problems. She just wants us to be a normal family.” He was rambling, unsure of how to speak his truth.

“What do you want?” She asked.

“I want it too. That’s why we were a family up until now.”

“We are a family, dad. We’re just in a rough patch.”

“That’s…that’s not how your mom feels right now. She thinks I can’t be dad and Iron Man too.”

“You’ve been doing it for the last eight years, and we’ve been fine.”

“Tell your mom that.” He muttered, feeling defeated. How his seventeen year-old daughter was giving him such a mature, stern talking to was beyond him. “But enough about that, it’s my turn to parent you. How are you and Parker?”

“We’re really good, actually. He thanked me for the suit; he called every night that he could while you guys were in Germany.”

“I had a talk with him on the way back home.” Elly looked at him, slightly mortified. “Nothing bad, honey. You seem…happier since you two started dating. I told him not to blow it—I don’t know what I would do if your heart got broken again.” Too late for that, Elly thought to herself. She stayed quiet, thinking of how Peter and her dad were the only salvation she had in her current state. She was still hurting from the absence of her mom and late best friend, learning that her pseudo-family was falling apart, and the newly revealed information of her godfather and dad’s best friend Rhodey being paralyzed from the waist down. Over the course of dinner, Tony had told her of Colonel Rhodes’ injuries, and that was her breaking point. It felt as if her world was crumbling very slowly.

“I-I’m trying really hard, dad. To not be upset over everything that’s going on but, I-I miss mom and I feel like she’s not here because of me. And Uncle Steve…he’s like family, or was. We all considered him to be family, and he chose Bucky over us. And Uncle Rhodey’s crippled because of it. It’s so much.” Elly was doing her best to hold back sobs, the words falling from her tongue allowed her to acknowledge the situation as reality. As much as it hurt, she needed to prove she was strong to her father.

“I know, kid, life kind of sucks right now. But you will always have me and your mom to turn to, even if she isn’t here. She also didn’t leave because of you,” Tony reiterated, choosing his next words carefully. “If anything, she left for you, if that makes sense.”

“Not at all.” Elly gave an awkward chuckle to emphasize her confusion.

“Your mom doesn’t want you to see her in a vulnerable state right now. Even though she’s one of the strongest women I know, I mean she deals with me, after all.” The Starks shared boisterous laughter, knowing that Tony spoke only the truth.

“Dad…do you love mom?” Elly knew she was treading into murky waters, but by declaration of honest hour, she hoped her dad would answer.

“Hell yeah I do.” He responded without a moments hesitation.

“So how come you two never got married?”

“It just never seemed like the right time. I was planning on proposing when Rhodey and I got back from Washington that one year, and it almost felt…wrong. I wanted to make sure that you two were safe before officially announcing that the genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist Tony Stark was married.”

“And you just kept waiting for the right moment…” Elly figured. Tony nodded in agreement, pursing his lips in discomfort. It felt strange, talking to his seventeen year-old daughter about his feelings. It also made him feel lighter. “The right moment never comes, dad. You have to make it the right moment.”

“Gross, when did you get wise? How many romantic novels have you been reading?” He joked.

“You and your stupid deflections, pops!” Tony just laughed before patting his child on her shoulder. As the laughter died down, he took a turn to look at Elly fully. There was no more lighthearted laughter on his face.

“So now let me ask you, do you love Parker?” Unintentionally, her eyes widened and her jaw slackened, trying to put up some form of protest. Words never came out and it was then Tony had his answer. He wanted her to say it—to fully admit to someone else than just herself to prove a point.

“I-I do.” She whispered.

“I know you do. But it doesn’t become real until you say it out loud. Just like how I love your mom.” He repeated, furthering driving his point home. A barely noticeable smirk twitched on his lips, satisfied with his parenting done for the day. “Let’s get some sleep, kiddo. I gotta go check on Rhodey tomorrow, but sometime this week, let’s work on your suit?”

“Sounds good. Good night, I love you. And tell Uncle Rhodey I say hi.”

“Night, honey. Love you too.”

Tony was gone the next morning, probably off to see Rhodey. That meant she had the day off again, but the time she spent with her dad inspired her to be productive. She didn’t have much left to do on her suit and she wanted to finish as much as she could so they could test it out together. After making herself her morning iced coffee, she headed up to the empty lab. Elly got to work with renewed vigor, finishing her chest plate in under an hour. “Ms. Stark, incoming call from Spider-Boy.” A.A.R.O.N announced.

“Put it throught.” Peter’s face popped up on her lab screen, bright sunlight illuminating his features while her hands were still keeping busy.

“Hey, Elly! I had May drop me off today. Are you up in the lab?” From what she could tell, he was walking into the tower, his backpack slung over his shoulders as always.

“Yeah, I’m up here. But you know there’s no internship today, right? It’s just me here.”

“Oh, y-yeah. I know, I figured that was okay but I guess I should have asked you if I could come over first.” Peter stopped in his tracks as he entered the lobby of the compound, the excitement he once had diminishing. Elly could see his crestfallen features, immediately filling her with guilt.

“N-no, that’s not what I meant! I-I just didn’t want you to expect to have training with Nat or something. But come on up, I have a surprise for you.” The line went dead, leaving Peter to his solidarity as he made his way up to the lab. He’d come to know that surprises from Elly were typically a good thing, and anxiety no longer came to him when she said she had one for him. When he exited the elevator, he was presented with an Iron Man suit that was dark blue and gold.

“W-what is this?” Peter asked with half a laugh in amazement.

“A little project I’ve been working on while you’ve been away. What do you think?” Elly walked towards him, the clinking of her jet boots resonating in the empty lab. The incomplete helmet covering her head retracted, and Peter was finally presented with the face of the girl he had been missing.

“That is amazing!” He exclaimed as Elly grabbed her wrist to retract her suit. His arms wrapped around his girlfriend who was left in only a long tank top that covered the shorts she was wearing underneath. “I missed you so much.” Said Peter before pressing a warm kiss to her forehead.

“I missed you too. Now you have got to show me the video diary from your trip!” The two laughed, each taking a seat at her workspace and began watching his little home movie on her mini projector screen. They spent the rest of the day together; Peter helped her engineer the rest of her helmet, grabbed a bunch of snacks throughout their time together and filled their night with love and laughter. Day eventually gave way to night and the two ended their evening sitting on the roof of the Tower, looking at the twinkling lights of the city. “Peter? Can I ask you a question?”

“Yeah, of course, Elly.” He said with confidence. Similar to her saying she had a surprise, her saying she had a question to start a conversation no longer filled his gut with anxiety.

“What are we going to do when I start college?”

“W-what do you mean?” He had spoken too soon. While he knew this talk was bound to happen, he hadn’t expected it to be so soon. They’d been together for less than a month and he’d just gotten back from Germany—he thought he had at least until the end of the summer.

“I mean, you’re sixteen and going to be a sophomore in high school and I’m going to be eighteen in less than two months and a freshman in college. A-and I wouldn’t ever want to keep our relationship a secret because that’s not fair to you but if someone were to find out that Tony Stark’s daughter was dating someone that wasn’t the legal age of consent, who knows what could happen and—“ Somewhere in the last couple of months they had spent together, Elly had adopted Peter’s habit for rambling when nervous, as she was doing now. But he cut her off, instantly recognizing what she was doing.

“Let’s just…cross that bridge when we get there? I don’t want to think about that right now.” Elly closed her mouth tightly, but ultimately agreed in the form of a nod. He was right; they still had time and they should enjoy it. Little did she know, the inevitable end never left Peter’s mind.

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swapauanon · 6 years

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Kingdom Hearts Villains: Master Xehanort

Previous Post: https://swapauanon.tumblr.com/post/176302809721/kingdom-hearts-villains-terra-xehanort

The main villain of the “Dark Seeker Saga”, and responsible the events of every game not in the χ saga.

Master Xehanort made his debut in the Secret Ending of Kingdom Hearts 2 Final Mix. Not much plot related happened, he just wiped the floor with the heroes. Master Xehanort’s motivations and backstory are better explored in Birth by Sleep and the “Xehanort Reports.

When Xehanort was just a boy, he, much like Sora and Riku, wished to escape Destiny Islands, just feeling that there had to be more to the world than his tiny home. One day, he obtained the Keyblade and disappeared, becoming a legend as “the boy who left”. He, Eraqus, and Yen Sid studied together under the same Keyblade Master, with the three following different paths and philosophies. Xehanort, however, was frustrated by and skeptical of some of the laws they had to obey and enforce, namely to destroy all darkness wherever it should appear, and that all anyone needs to know about the Keyblade War is that it happened and involved a “χ-blade”. In fact, any more in depth knowledge regarding the Keyblade War was outright forbidden. He’s also implied to have been annoyed by the “World Order” that keeps him from sharing his knowledge with non-Wielders.

As an act of rebellion, as soon as Xehanort was able to, he stopped wearing his armor in the Lanes Between, exposing himself to the powers of darkness, and tried to find out everything he could about the darkness and the Keyblade War. He believed that darkness and light ought to be kept in balance, as opposed to destroying the darkness and spreading the light. However, thanks to hundreds, if not thousands of years of suppressing knowledge, he could find very little, and began to grow desperate as he got older and older. Eventually, he decided to forego doing anything for the good of the Worlds, and decided that if he couldn’t learn of the Keyblade War of legend through study, he’d learn about it through experience, via starting a new Keyblade War. He shared his plans with childhood friend Eraqus, and when the latter objected, and tried to use force to stop him, Xehanort used the darkness to scratch Eraqus’ face, not really defeating Eraqus so much as getting him to give up. Regardless, it became clear Eraqus would not help him.

Xehanort knew that in order to start the Keyblade War, he’d have to forge a new χ-blade, forged when equal and powerful forces of light and darkness clash. However, he was getting old, and wasn’t content to simply let age take him. And so when he encountered Ventus, a young Keyblade Wielder torn from his home and time, he formed a plan. He could sense that light and darkness existed in balance within the boy, and so planned to force that darkness out so he could take Ventus’ body as his own and forge the legendary χ-blade. When Ventus refused to use the darkness, even to save his own life, Xehanort tore the boy’s heart in half, creating Vanitas from the darkness, and leaving Ventus on death’s door. Xehanort, in a rare moment of sympathy, decided to take Ventus to Destiny Islands so he could die in peace. When Ventus made a miraculous recovery, however, he took Ventus back, but left him under Eraqus’ care upon realizing that Vanitas might murder Ventus if he tried to keep them both. While visiting Eraqus, however, he sensed a powerful, yet dormant darkness within Terra. There was hope for his plans yet.

In order for his plans to work, he needed Ventus to grow strong enough to face Vanitas in battle. Unfortunately for his plans, Eraqus made Ven’s training a secondary priority behind training Terra and Aqua. Fortunately for his plans, Vanitas could still feel some of what Ventus felt, and could tell that he and Terra held a strong bond. Given that Xehanort planned on taking Terra’s body for his own, this worked out wonderfully. He simply needed to find some way to get them away from Eraqus. Then, through a sheer stroke of great luck on Xehanort’s part and absolute idiocy on Eraqus’ part, Eraqus invites Xehanort over to witness Terra and Aqua becoming Keyblade Masters. Realizing his chance, Xehanort plants seeds of doubt in Eraqus’ heart by only mentioning now that he sensed darkness in Terra four years prior (and Eraqus, despite suspecting that Xehanort is still up to no good, never questions why Xehanort waited four years to mention this, because he’s kind of a massive idiot at best), and so suggests that Eraqus perform the MANDATORY Mark of Mastery Exam instead of simply skipping it because he’s too lazy to go through the effort. But regardless, he accepts the invitation and very quickly forms his plans.

Luckily for Xehanort, Eraqus is in fact dumber than a bag of bricks, and so doesn’t question when the orbs of light he conjured for Part 1 of the Exam are corrupted by darkness when the man who once announced his plans to destroy the universe with darkness is sitting right next to him. Once again, evil triumphs because of willful ignorance, JUST LIKE IN REAL LIFE! And even luckier, Eraqus believes that a true Keyblade Master should have no darkness in his heart, meaning that even a spark of darkness that is quickly noticed and suppressed by Terra is enough for Eraqus to consider Terra unworthy of being a Keyblade Master and worthy of suspicion. As such, Xehanort exploits Terra’s resulting insecurities and the fact that Eraqus presented him as a trustworthy authority figure and source of good advice in order to manipulate Terra, telling him that there’s nothing wrong with him, and that he simply needs to learn to channel the darkness, as it cannot be destroyed. And the best part is, as anyone who’s been following Riku’s character arc would know, he is 100% right. However, Xehanort isn’t giving Terra this advice for his own good.

Edit: Also, Xehanort told Maleficent about the Princesses of Heart and the existence of other worlds as part of a contingency plan.

Yen Sid eventually points Terra in Xehanort’s direction, and Terra confronts Xehanort over his mysterious disappearance and asks why he’s seeking out the Princesses of Heart. Xehanort then, once again, tells the truth, but this time with a lie. The boy who’s leading the Unversed? He’s Vanitas, a monster Xehanort made when he ripped the darkness from Ventus’ heart. The lie? Xehanort claims that he did it to save Ventus from his darkness after it overcame him in the midst of their training. Xehanort acts remorseful, and since nobody’s given Terra any reason to suspect Xehanort, he believes him. For the next phase of Xehanort’s plan, he sends Terra to hunt Vanitas in Radiant Garden.

While Terra’s distracted with a powerful Unversed, Xehanort makes a deal with Braig in order to fake his own kidnapping, and lure Terra into a situation where he’ll have no choice but to use the darkness. As Terra recently had a falling-out with Aqua and Ven, he’s desperate for some form of approval, though Xehanort had next to nothing to do with that. Regardless, Terra and Braig fight, with Xehanort egging Terra on, and Terra’s darkness resurfaces again. Braig escapes, whereas Terra is consumed with guilt and shame for letting the darkness control him. Xehanort, however, praises Terra, and encourages him to continue using the darkness with reckless abandon, claiming that it’s the only real way to maintain balance with all these wielders of light. He names Terra “Master” and sends him to hunt down Vanitas once more.

Mickey winds up fighting Xehanort at the Keyblade Graveyard after getting jumped by Vanitas in Neverland. Xehanort very quickly defeats the less experienced Wielder, and uses him as bait to lure Ventus to the Keyblade Graveyard. Once Ventus arrives, he tells Ventus half-truths, alerting him to how he is meant to produce the χ-blade, and claims that Eraqus knew this, which was why he never let Ventus visit other worlds. After saying this, he sends Ven and Mickey back into the Lanes Between, knowing that Ventus will confront Eraqus and that Eraqus, being too lazy to go after Xehanort or ask Ventus where he got his information, will instead try to kill Ventus. So he hurries and summons Terra, and warns him that Ventus learned the truth and that he’ll likely confront Eraqus to try and learn the truth, in order to set up a battle between Terra and Eraqus. His plan is a success, and Xehanort finishes Eraqus off after he expends most of his strength trying to overpower Terra. Xehanort then invites Terra to the Keyblade Graveyard, where he can witness Ventus and Aqua die, but not before using his powers to destroy the Land of Departure, hoping to drive Terra even deeper into darkness.

At the Keyblade Graveyard, Xehanort easily separates Terra, Ventus, and Aqua with his superior power, even freezing Ventus and tossing him aside to keep him out of the battle until he’s needed. He and Vanitas then fight Terra together, Xehanort taunting Terra to try and drive him deeper into darkness. When the time is right, he sends Vanitas to finish off a worn-down Aqua (having had Braig fight her in order to keep her from interfering), and he and Terra continue to battle one on one. However, Terra is able to overpower Xehanort with the powers of darkness, which is unfortunately exactly what Xehanort wanted. You see, while Xehanort taught Terra to use the darkness, he didn’t teach him how to control it, and so Xehanort is able to extract his heart and use the powers of darkness to swallow Terra’s heart, controlling him using the darkness that consumed him. However, he didn’t count on Terra’s willpower bringing his Keyblade Armor to life, nor did he count on Mickey saving Aqua and his Proto-χ-Blade being too unstable to last long enough for the Keyblade War to actually happen. And so, he’s knocked out, and his plans go up in flames around him. To make matters worse, Terra puts up more of a fight than expected, forcing Xehanort to lock his own heart away just to keep Terra from regaining control.

However, Xehanort is able to turn himself into a Heartless, and form a new plan. Since the χ-blade’s light and dark halves shattered into seven and thirteen pieces respectively, he’ll simply need to have thirteen darknesses clash with seven lights. First, he tries using his Heartless to collect the Princesses of Heart and his Nobody to collect empty vessels to fill with his own heart, but since he doesn’t exist they both go and do their own things. But their destruction allows him to return, where he instead decides to utilize time travel to bring back previous incarnations of himself, resurrect Vanitas as a vessel, and turn some of the more weak-willed members of Organization XIII back into Heartless so he can possess their Nobodies shortly after they form. Thus, the True Organization XIII is born, and Xehanort needs only one more Seeker. In Dream Drop Distance, he tries to make Sora, the boy whom defeated his Heartless and his Nobody, into a vessel, but not before destroying his Heart so he can’t fight back. However, Lea’s timely intervention causes that plan to seemingly fail. So Xehanort ultimately decides to retreat with the vessels currently under his control, and vow to meet the heroes of light at the Keyblade Graveyard, where they can forge the χ-blade and begin the Keyblade War anew. And if they don’t gather Seven Guardians of Light to meet him, he’ll simply target the Princesses of Heart.

Xehanort will return in Kingdom Hearts III.

Edit 2: Xehanort’s role is relegated to KH3′s endgame. At the Keyblade Graveyard, he separates the Guardians by transforming the Keyblade Graveyard into a labyrinth, and collects dark keys from his fallen Organization members, needing thirteen to summon the χ-blade, retconning away the need to fuse with seven hearts of light. After Sora, Riku, and Mickey defeat Ansem, Xemnas, and Young Xehanort, he murders an unconscious Kairi to motivate Sora into attacking him, resulting in the thirteenth key being forged, and allowing him to combine all thirteen into the χ-blade. After summoning Kingdom Hearts and covering it with darkness, however, Sora’s able to imprison him inside of his memory of Scala ad Caelum and used the Power of Waking to follow him. There, Xehanort attacked Sora using twelve Replicas of himself, fused with those Replicas, summoned the χ-blade and Kingdom Hearts, covered Kingdom Hearts in darkness again, and was ultimately defeated by Trinity Limit. Then, he reveals his ultimate plan: Destroy the universe using Kingdom Hearts so that he can make a world without darkness. No, that’s not a typo, he suddenly hates the darkness despite obsessing over its power ever since he first appeared. Regardless, since he totally wasn’t really evil, he’s rewarded by having his youth restored, his best friend (who he murdered) resurrected in a younger body, and the two are granted eternal life in their own personal heaven as Sora seals Kingdom Hearts, And everyone is okay with this.

Next time, we’ll discuss his main lackey in Birth by Sleep: Vanitas.

Edit: It is already up!: https://swapauanon.tumblr.com/post/176308059536/kingdom-hearts-villains-vanitas

#kingdom hearts villains #xehanort #master xehanort #kh bbs #eraqushate #kh ddd #yen sid #ventus #ven #vanitas #terra #aqua #terra-xehanort #sora #lea #true organization xiii

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