#having the ability to do something doesn't define you as a person and i feel like judgement without context makes no sense
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🍁✨️ Mars in Natal Chart: The Men you are Attracted To✨️🍁
(Does anyone know the name of this turkish movie/drama, from the GIF.)
Mars in Aries
You love a man who is bold, and doesn't hold back from speaking up for himself. As an Aries Mars you have plenty of energy within you, and you move in a very direct manner regarding the things you want to have. So you really need a man who also has his own set of goals while supporting you as well, but not to the point that he gets in your way. You like a masculine energy that is sure of what they want to achieve and what they are going after. Someone who is very much in touch with their physicality and is always on the go. A person who respects, especially, the fact that you both are two separate individuals and both of your guy's desires matter. You like a masculine energy that can be physically playful with you. Someone who is very loud and clear with their actions, is really gonna give you the butterflies. This man is someone who feels proud when they see you succeeding, and someone who isn't afraid to lead you through life.
Mars in Taurus
You get butterflies big time when a masculine energy is stable and grounded. You value a man who is very much connected to his physical senses and enjoys a slow and steady lifestyle. A man who is also very much connected to his sacred femininity. As in, he has a healthy connection with the feminine aspects of life such as art or channeling his intuition. You feel energetic when the things around you have a solid future and that you know it'll give you much stability later on. So that's the same you look for in a man. His ability to plan ahead and tackle the physical aspects of life such as managing money or deciding on things like vacations or the home, it's all very important for you. You are also attracted to a man who is interested in the matters of your home, like making sure everything is good quality and that you are well provided for. Someone you can sit and simply relax with, either in a nice spa or baking something together.
Mars in Gemini
You like a smarty pants. Lol, I mean you love when a masculine energy is eloquent in the way they express their words and can explain literally anything in the world to you with extreme ease. Someone who is very good at regulating his words, and you really get the butterflies when a man can flatter you with his intelligence. Someone who is both quick to understand things and also someone who can take their time to strategically plan their way around getting things done. You like playful banters or atleast have this thing for having conversations with your partner in a way that looks like you both are fighting, but is actually very fun to do and is not serious fights at all. Because for you, you are bit of a conversationalist yourself even if you don't have any major placements in Gemini itself. You love a man with whom you can genuinely connect on an intellectual level. Also, I think Gemini Mars women are attracted to men who work with their hands in some way 👀.
Mars in Cancer
You like a man who isn't afraid to show his emotions, and talk about his feelings whenever it's needed. There is a strong sense of being comfortable with one's feminine side, as in him being connected with his nurturing qualities. You like a man who lives a more easy-going lifestyle, someone who is domestic and focuses more on bringing peace in his home. Now with Mars in Cancer, it's not a beneficial placement as the energies of Mars and Cancer contradict each other. So you can be a bit distrustful or closed off with the masculine energies and figures in your life. And with men who appear to be on the sensitive side, you can get attached very quickly. A masculine energy that is not only just a physical provider, but also an emotional provider is what you are heavily attracted towards. Cancer rules the chest and stomach, so perhaps men with a defined chest or a toned stomach can really get you attracted. In short, it's someone connected to his emotions and is much more on the gentle side of life.
Mars in Leo
You love a fabulous man. Someone who isn't just a plain old attention seeker, but someone who actually exudes confidence wherever he goes. You are attracted to men who are quite on the creative side of life, like someone who lives a colorful life, someone who isn't afraid to add their personal touch to things, someone who honors their individuality. Often times you can attract cocky men, or men who are super insecure on the inside, so be aware of that. With your Leo Mars you are quite stubborn and fixated towards the things you want to achieve, and you might move a bit slow, but you make those moves so loud. You need a masculine energy that can sustain this nonstop fire within you. You also like praises, so definitely a man who knows how to appreciate you well enough. You enjoy a power couple dynamic, so the masculine energy in your life should be someone who knows that you both add even more shine to each other's light. You also desire to be seen by your partner, so if a confident man does that for you, it's one major butterfly inducing factor for you.
Mars in Virgo
You love men who knows what they are doing. Men who mindlessly go about their days or don't even know how to do basic tasks, really turn you off. You love a man who is sure of what he is trying to do, while also being able to give you the practical knowledge about that thing. With Mars in Virgo you go about your life quite statistically by planning your moves, and you love a man who does the same. You really are attracted to a handy-manny type of masculine energy, that can make you feel physically comfortable by improving the way you live. Small practical gestures like holding the door open for you or bringing you a glass of warm honey tea at the end of the day, or something, it really makes you feel like you can rely on that person. You are attracted to witty and often sarcastic men. You also need a mental attraction with a person, while also being able to use all that exchange of information into some practical use. You are also pretty attracted to men who prioritize cleanliness and hygiene.
Mars in Libra
You experience a very dynamic yet subtle kind of attraction. By subtle I mean you aren't the type to directly approach the men you are attracted to or be very driven with your crush. Instead, you like the sneaky flirtations, the slow burn that slowly yet gently gets you to understand the other person. You are highly attracted to the classic gentlemen type. Someone who is a smooth talker, a man with a charismatic yet soothing demeanor. You can easily get turned off by men who are overly aggressive or the men who push other people around or the men who cannot hold a conversation without creating drama. With your Mars in Libra, you are attracted to a diplomatic masculine presence. Someone who knows the power of staying still, listening to both sides and knowing when to put their feet into the conversation. The quality of being able to carry oneself with much grace, is something that highly attracts you to a man. On a challenging note, you may happen to attract men who are all talk and no action.
Mars in Scorpio
The way you want a man to be with you is to be completely obsessed with you from head to toe. Honestly it's really that intense and possessive Christian Grey vibes. You love the intensity. You love it when a man holds a certain amount of mystery to himself which can allow you to be completely intrigued. You love to peel the layers one by one, all by yourself. So a man who knows how to keep you hooked, while also being able to reveal himself to you one quality at a time, it's very butterfly inducing for you. You love possessive men, like that's not even something we don't know. Men who are calculative, on the quieter side around people and slightly have a rbf. You are also the type to love the hot-cold dynamic, where there are intense arguments after a session of giving cold stares to each other and then even more intense make ups. Masculines who are in touch with their sexuality are sure to drive you crazy. Beware of manipulators or extremely closed off individuals.
Mars in Sagittarius
You love honest men. Honestly, honesty and being able to say things without sugarcoating it, is your best quality. You like a man who is on the same page of thinking as you. A man who has his belief systems in order, and a man who is good at understanding motives, intentions and meanings behind the things people do, is really someone you would enjoy spending your time with. Your choice in men is quite unique, because you want someone who has a rich way of thinking, a rich way of going about life. At the same time the masculine figures in your life need to be adventurous, both in the physical side of life and also mentally. Someone you can completely connect with on a mental level, and can bounce around ideas, discuss things like law or philosophy. You rarely like a boring man who is all about his boring life. You need someone to be your best friend, as well as your partner. On a challenging note, you may get attracted to men who are just too focused on their own freedom, not at all stable in life, and quite hard to open up emotionally.
Mars in Capricorn
You love when a man is the provider. Not because you can't provide for yourself or anything, but because you yourself are very much of a busy-body, and you know the importance of having a goal and stability in your life. You are immensely attracted to a man who has goals, whether big or small. An ambitious man catches your attention big time. For you it's very important for the masculine figure to be able to provide and be the reliable one. Men who has goals, has a plan, is ambitious, cares about providing for the domestic life. It's not a desire fueled by greed or laziness to achieve on your own, that you would want someone else to do it for you, instead, it's a genuine desire to partner up with a man who knows the importance of actions following his words. You also love to be with a man who knows how to appreciate himself for his work. On the challenging side you might happen to attract someone greedy, unproductive or someone with a directionless life.
Mars in Aquarius
Attraction for you is very much rooted in the fact that you can be yourself around a man. If he's comfortable, then it's super attractive. You love men who have a very intellectual and a forward thinking, open minded mindset. Because for you attraction is also very much rooted in the fact that you can connect on an intellectual level with that man. A man who has his emotions under control, who knows how to stay calm and see situations for what they are, really gives you the butterflies. On the same note, men who are unique, whether it's in the way they think or take action or dress, seem to catch your eye, a lot. Masculine energy that has a certain purpose in life, no matter if it seems childlike, and masculine energy that knows how to create a path forward, are very attractive for Aquarius Mars. On the challenging side, you might happen to attract men who are completely ruthless or emotionally closed off. You might be attracted to men who seem to keep their composure sustained for a long time without getting bothered.
Mars in Pisces
You like gentlemen. There is something so precious about a Pisces Mars, because they are just harmless. You really need a man who matches the same kind of vibe. You like sweet, gentle and easy going men. Because you really can get turned off by dramatic, aggressive and raging men who can't stay still for one moment. Men who are much focused on the pursuit of a deeper meaning in life, and men who are quite sensitive, really make you feel some type of way. You enjoy the presence of a masculine figure that knows how to cater to your emotional needs, and treat you like the soft princess you are deep inside. Someone who isn't overly critical of things, someone who contributes to things in a very creative manner, someone who knows the importance of being gentle with you whether physically or simply emotionally/mentally. On a challenging note you may attract men who are overly lost in their own worlds or men who can just never take anything seriously.
Thanks for reading 💕
#mars#astrology compatibility#astrology#natal chart reading#mars astrology#future spouse#natal chart#astrology husband
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PICK A CARD: THINGS THAT PEOPLE FIND ATTRACTIVE ABOUT YOU.
⠀ׅ ♡⠀࣪ emprexxluxaic ⸺ your angel ׅ ࣪ 𝅄
note: after a long time, I finally have a courage to do a reading for all of you. I hope your doing great mi amor and please do enjoy this another reading for you 🤍
PILE ONE
first thing is your body figure, through the way you stand. you might be in the taller side for most or whenever you walk it's like reminding them a model in a runaway or just have a nice pair of legs or it is just simply long. it also feel that you have a nice taste in fashion, you may love fashion and different hair colors— a rainbow hair color can be best and find it good for you. ² I see that you take a great amount of effort to look nice and presentable for other people, they like how you look good and as well as how you look neat and clean in your appearance. if you ever have a back tattoo they also love it, they love seeing it cuz it may have a nice design or meaning. I hear that you make tie your hair in ponytail style and people find it attractive specially for woman. some here are good at letting go and cutting of people who causes chaos and heartache in your life, people find it attractive cuz not all has the ability to cut ties in a person who you got attached and have bond too. it could significantly define that you were good at dealing problems or any negative emotions of people giving them such an advice which can bring a huge factor in you towards the other. you could be also a future oriented, you like to keep in track about your plans but doesn't tell most of the people unless you trust them will of your heart. great hands is what I'm hearing, it not you love to write things that need to be done or your just good at calligraphy. in social, I feel you were may often alone but doesn't mean you were lonely, you just enjoy your life alone which other do like and adore in you. you take a pride in being alone is important in you so it brings you to realization of what are your thoughts and are you and all.
extra message: forest, boots, good shape of nails, journals, a cat, orange, near water, beaches, carving, meditating, walking around and alone, enjoying movies.
﹏ ✿𝆬 like, reblog & follow mi amor ⬞ ࣪ ࿀
PILE TWO
these amazing amount of people love hearing your thoughts and voice, you can be a great singer, has a hobby of singing or just great speaker and advisor for people. for what I am seeing, they find it attractive in your eyelashes — natural or not, probably it suited for you. you were positive and it spread to people which brings light and love, you could be a happy person as well. I don't know why but they love it when you close your eyes or while you fell sleep cuz you look good or cute for them. I feel as well that they find it attractive in way of your sitting — your back is straight or it define elegance and for some you seat in such a boyish way I guess. You have a nice shape of body or they find it attractive how you love your body figure, for most it is a bikini body. you might be someone interested in journal or writing down your thoughts. they find it alluring when you take a pride in your art cuz it likes you make efforts in creating them or it makes them feel awe cuz it was cute or something. they also think that you have a nice hair, how the curl define your own face or how long your hair was. like I said you can be a singer not just that but also a good music taste or you actually create music, you may write poems and actually quite good at it. your soft hearted self bring impact to others, they love how good you are to people.
extra messages: heavenly beauty, flowers, rainbow, heart to heart conversation, able to see what is good and bad in people, hands are pretty, positive in body, flower hair clips, thighs tattoo.
﹏ ✿𝆬 like, reblog & follow mi amor ⬞ ࣪ ࿀
PILE THREE
They feel attracted to you when you wear things or clothes that has lavender/ purple with it. It suited your skin color or they just love how best you look in that color— they may think that your favorite color is purple. You could have have dark long hair— this could be resonate with for most or you enjoy dying your hair in different shades. I could hear that it feels they find it attractive in how you dance whether it just for fun or something— probably they love it how you make face while dancing in to beats of rhythm. You too as well may have a nice foot or nails, maybe it is well shave or your foot nails are pretty— all in all they just love staring at it. If you ever good at cooking or creating dishes they also find it attractive, like how does it possible you got the chef's hands on you. Big butts as I guess, wearing tight shorts or pants, you got a nice ass I think. If happened your butt aren't that big, they feel attracted about your hips or how your waist probably whatever size you are, you got curves. I feel that you can be a soft spoken , how feminine you are or how you show kindness and gratitude towards people. You may also has a habit of resting your hand in your chest when you do it they feel comfort and you are honest in what are you saying to them.
extra message: mermaid curls, diving or swimming, hands on waist, good at massaging, nice pair of hand, inner beauty.
﹏ ✿𝆬 like, reblog & follow mi amor ⬞ ࣪ ࿀
#pick a card#pick a card reading#pick a pile#tarot reading#pac reading#future spouse pick a card#pick an image#pick a photo#future spouse#spirituality#divination#tarot readings#tarot card reading#tarotblr#future spouse reading#love reading#tarot#pick a picture#pick a card readings#tarot pick a card#psychic reading#pac#psychic readings
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🧜🏼♀️Poetic Neptune🩵
Part 2
🦋Neptune in 8th house- Neptune Giving your all in a close relationship can bring the spiritual or emotional connection you seek with a partner. But it can also mean making sacrifices or feeling vulnerable. Here you can seek your escape in intimacy or in control. You can have a wild fantasy about the perfect deep relationship, but it never really happens. A Neptune in the eighth house in the natal chart can indicate trust issues. Generally speaking, heavy placements in the eighth house indicate traumatizing experiences, betrayal, loss of trust you put in others. This can be a very painful placement. This house shows financial gain through other people: for example, your spouse or inheritance
🎸Neptune in 9th house-Neptunes here have a lot of imagination in terms of travel, the world and life. You can have your own religion that you believe in, or you can believe in things that others don't. Along with this is also a hopeless optimism that often carries the person through the darkest nights with the light of faith, optimism, and belief. You can travel a lot to places by the sea. And it's also one of your favorite holidays. The gifts of Neptune here could be found through their ability to intuit the future; they can be something of a prophet and have the ability to read meaning in the lives of others. Neptune here suggests a gift for spiritual vision or for intuiting future trends. Travel might invoke a longing for a paradise island.
🥂Neptune in 10th house-you can manifest your career. A lot depends on what you believe in and what you want to be. People may see you as a mystical, dreamy person, or they may not be able to clearly define you. You have an intuitive understanding of how the public feels. You are in tune with the collective mood, what can be an advantage when it comes to career. Here neptune can also mean that one of the parents is not present. A career in the arts might appeal or something that allows you to use and develop your imagination and put your imaginative gifts or show to the world.
🧁Neptune in 11th house- you can manifest success on your social networks. Many of your dreams can come true. Neptune gives you the illusion that you start things without fear and usually people find you as a spiritual person or you share something related to spirituality or art on social networks. You are very kind and want to help people with what you do. You want people to feel comfortable when they come to your profile. But you can attract a lot of friends who are secretly jealous of you or don't like you (but it doesn't show from the outside). When you feel that others don’t like you, it bothers you deeply. Neptune shows where you seek the ideal and perfection. That's why you often look at things as perfect, and that's why you're often not completely satisfied.
🩷Neptune in 12th house-Neptune is here in his house, which means that he can unknowingly help you find your spiritual path. They may excel in artistic fields like writing, poetry, painting, music, photography, filmmaking, or any form of creative expression. These people are very creative and imaginative, but this shows more in their work and not in their personality. When you get to know them, I wouldn't say that they are so artistic, but they show it through the things that, for example, musicians deal with (many times I notice that they have a special album look, which they usually invent themselves). They also have a lot of drawing skills. But these people are usually not spiritual or believe in it. But there is a possibility that they become addicted to drugs or other substances. And many times they have very interesting, confusing dreams that are difficult to understand.
-Rebekah🦋🫧🩵
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Spider-man Villains and Hands
If you're paying attention you'll notice often times in Spiderverse that villains are far less expressive with their hands than the heroes. That is unless it's to attack.
Kingpin clicks his pen to relieve rage he's only barely controlling and in Peter Parker's death scene, the only time we see his hands is to kill him.
With Doc Ock, we see her doing a lot of excited gesturing with her hands (pushing up her glasses, studying Peter, etc.).
But after her reveal, it's her tentacles that does most of the talking.
Moving on to ATSV, when we first meet Spot, he's experimenting with his Spots with (you guesses it!) his hands and it's a lot of trial and error. It's also a lot of slap-stick comedy in his first fight with Miles managing to take him out briefly by making him punch himself in the face.
However as he becomes more confident with his powers, we see him use his hands less and less to the point he doesn't need to use a spot to teleport between dimensions. Instead of attacking them, Spot starts fighting by letting the heroes attack him.
And by the end of the film, his mere presence has become such a threat to Miles that all he has to do to invoke fear is stand still. This is why after his colour scheme has been completely inverted, he doesn't fight or do anything with his hands anymore and it's why our last focus on his hands is when he watches it completely turn from white to black.
When we first get a good look at Miguel, we get a close-up of his claws before panning up to his watch. Firstly this shows us how unlike the other Spider-people Miguel is. He has claws and wears a cape. Peter says in the first movie, "Spider-man doesn't wear capes." Then we see a better look at his watch which tells us this character isn't just scary and powerful, but is powerful in their access to other dimensions without having their cells decay - which by the end of the movie proves to be another problem for Miles. Immediately this shot warns us that Miguel is an unstoppable and dangerous person and the sirens in his leitmotif only emphasise that, even if the characters don't realise it yet.
Likewise with Fisk and Doc Ock in the previous Spiderverse installment, Miguel also doesn't have a lot of hand animations outside of fighting and we see this visual language in his meeting with Miles. Miles offers Miguel an empanadas and calls him 'Tio' ("uncle" in Spanish) as an offer of respect and solidarity, but Miguel's response is to grab the box and throws it aside before resuming his stance.
Here Miguel isn't just refusing Miles, he's also refusing the subliminal coding of a heroic character and I feel this has a lot to do with how our human brains work. The way we understand people and animals is by the way they mirror us. We like patterns and to draw parallels to ourselves. When someone is excited, we're excited. When someone's confused, we're confused. When someone's sad, we're sad. And so on. However when we're faced with something that doesn't react how we expect or reacts unpredictably, like Miguel throwing the empanadas back at Miles, it's sets off a warning in our brains. It's kind of like a predator hunting prey, which is the exact dynamic between Miles and Miguel by the end of the film.
However in Miles' mind, he has no idea why Miguel is being so antagonistic towards him. Even when Peter says, "He's always like this." Miguel remains stoic when Mayday is crawling around him and only moves to catch her and hand her back to Peter. Like with the empanadas, this is another example of Miguel's lack of ability to connect with the people in his environment other than through aggression and violence. It's why Miles calls out, "You have claws? Are you sure your Spider-man?" Because Spider-man is defined by his ability to connect with people - hero or villain.
Then we get to another clawed antagonist who hunts Miles for the duration of the first Spiderverse's runtime. Much like Miguel, Prowler's movement is mostly unstoppable aggression. That is until he learns Miles is Spider-man. Aside from presenting as Aaron Davis, Prowler is most identifiable by his giant claws and the camera makes sure of it.
It's only when Aaron learns who Miles is does he take off a claw to hold his hand in his final moments. Unlike Miguel, the claws are not exclusively attached to his suit - they are removable and thus Aaron is able to connect with the people in his environment outside of his identity as the Prowler.
Which finally leads us to our other Prowler, who likewise is able to put on and take off the claws. But where am I going with this?
I feel like in this scene the lighting and colour grading is doing the most work in making Prowler intimidating. Because unlike Aaron's Prowler, Miles' Prowler design is very casual for a villain. Which works for the character but without the claws and the mask, Miles looks just as scrawny as his Spider-man counter-part. It's almost too casual without those key identifiers. Which is why I think we're going to see a lot of Miles' Prowler without the claws and interacting with his family in the next film, as well as dealing with his own identity. Like Aaron in the first film and unlike Miguel in the second, we're going to see how Prowler connects with his environments beyond serving as a antagonistic foil to Miles.
#i already referenced “don't watch the mouth. watch the hands.” in my last post#but that phrase applies in this context too#spiderman#spiderman across the spiderverse#across the spiderverse#miles morales#prowler#gwen stacy#hobie brown#pavitr prabhakar#aaron davis#rio morales#miles g morales#miguel o'hara#spiderman 2099#spider punk#spiderman india#jessica drew#jefferson morales#dr olivia octavius#wilson fisk#kingpin#peter parker#the spot#spot atsv#atsv
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I ship Zutara and I don't believe Aang is the Antichrist, despicable, misogynistic, depraved, or an abuser, as many paint him to be.
Let's dive deeper into the vast ocean of analysis regarding Zutara shipping and the complexities of the Avatar characters!
Exploring the Reasons Behind My Preference for Zutara and Zuko as the Best Option for Katara:
If you ask me why I choose Zutara and Zuko for Katara, it's a tale of dense and multifaceted layers. While I respect the idea that Katara could have progressed as a character while single, the reality is, if I must choose a partner for her, my heart leans toward Zuko.
From a young age, Katara is forced to assume adult and maternal roles due to circumstances. At 14, 15, and 16, she becomes the mother figure of the group, a dynamic that exposes her to something called parentification. This phenomenon, where a child assumes adult and motherly roles, deeply concerns me, especially when imposed on racialized girls (but that's a topic for another post). However, she's not alone in this journey. Sokka also carries this burden, assuming the role of tribe leader, protector of his sister, and head of the tribe in a world torn by war.
However, while Katara is drawn into the premature motherhood of the group, Zuko emerges as a figure of redemption. Although initially presented as an antagonist, his evolution throughout the series reveals layers of complexity and redemption. The friendship and relationship he develops with Katara represent an opportunity for both to escape predefined roles and find equality in their companionship.
Aang's Pedestal and Katara's Complexity: A Profound Reflection
Katara, like any human being, is not perfect. She has a series of flaws and weaknesses that are part of her nature. However, Aang seemed to ignore these imperfections, focusing on an idealized vision of her. What happens when Katara doesn't fit this pedestal? Aang tries to mold her according to his own beliefs and perspectives.
Take, for example, the advice about forgiveness that Aang offered Katara, specifically regarding Yon Rha. It's commendable that Aang advocates for forgiveness, but when Katara expressed her decision not to forgive, Aang didn't simply accept that choice. Instead of respecting her unique perspective on forgiveness, Aang insisted on changing her viewpoint.
This behavior is also evident in moments like the non-consensual kiss in the play episode or the lack of space for Katara to express her own feelings in "The Day of Black Sun." These are uncomfortable situations that should not be overlooked and shed light on the complexity of the relationship between Aang and Katara.
Katara: More than "The Avatar's Girl"
Another aspect I want to address is the concept of "The Avatar's Girl." I detest how this term has influenced perceptions of Katara. Despite being a formidable waterbending master and a powerful warrior, she is reduced to this stereotype that does not do justice to her true identity.
It is crucial to remember that this is the result of decisions made by writers and does not reflect the richness and depth of Katara's personality. She should not be defined by her relationship with Aang or her role as "The Avatar's Girl." She is more than that, with unique abilities and complexity beyond simple labels.
Conclusion: Exploring the Complexity of Relationships in Avatar
In conclusion, the relationship between Aang and Katara is multifaceted. Recognizing the imperfections and complexities is essential to appreciate the depth of these characters. Aang, although inherently good, also shows problematic aspects that deserve discussion.
The concept of "The Avatar's Girl" underscores the importance of challenging stereotypes and allowing characters like Katara to develop more fully and authentically.
Now, let's delve into the second topic:
Do I really believe that Aang is the most despicable being, worthy of hatred and condemnation? A misogynist, abuser, harasser, who deserves eternal punishment just because he obstructs my favorite ship and is the antichrist?
The answer is a resounding NO!
Look Aang in the eye and tell me he is pure evil, DARE YOU!
Throughout the story, Aang emerges as a pure being, whose character development evolves as he trains to become a great Avatar. Despite facing the darkness of the world, his losses, and the wounds he suffers, Aang continues to maintain unwavering faith that everything will be okay and that the world can be a better place. His beautiful and innocent glow, that childlike animation, sets him apart in a context where young characters are growing up amid war.
I observe the young characters in the show, like Sokka, Katara, Suki, Toph, Azula, among others; they are all children of war, forged by the conflict surrounding them. The emotions, decisions, and thoughts of these characters are inevitably influenced by war. Sokka is shaped by the war-torn context in which he grew up, just like Katara, Toph, Zuko, and Azula. The war determines their identities, regardless of which side they are on.
However, Aang is an exception to this rule. His first 12 years pass in peace, living without the shadow of a war that could affect his life, his personality, his beliefs, his innocence, and his morals. If Aang had been born amid war, his being would probably have evolved differently, perhaps leading him to more extreme actions like killing Ozai. But no, Aang refuses to kill Ozai because it goes against his moral principles.
It is true that Aang has his moments of tantrum and questionable behaviors, which are completely understandable given that he is a 12-year-old child. Unlike other characters like Sokka, Toph, Katara, and Zuko, Aang's destiny is practically set in stone. He is supposed to stop the war, defeat the Fire Nation, or perish in the attempt, having to wait for the next Avatar cycle. This weight on his shoulders is overwhelming for a child.
Aang also experiences moments of "micro-machismo," something we all possess to some extent, even the most deconstructed feminists. This is due to his upbringing in a society that, due to the era and other factors, influenced his perspective. But we see how Aang grows, progresses as a character and person. Although it is not right for Aang to get angry when Katara does not understand his feelings or to kiss her without her consent, I do not consider him an abuser, as some Zutara fans suggest.
I believe that if they had allowed both Aang and Katara to truly grow, giving them real time to develop as independent and adult individuals, I would have liked them much more.
So, let's clarify, I don't dislike them; I don't ship them, but I don't dislike them either. If you like them, that's fine. I firmly believe that everyone is free to ship what they want, without the need to discredit or diminish the ship they don't support. And this goes for fans of Kataang, Zutara,
Zukka, or any other ship from different books, movies, or TV shows. Freedom and respect for all shippers!
I edit and add:
They won't convince me easily. Korra is not canon. Aang would never be a bad father, and Katara wouldn't allow it either. Katara tears off his testicles and makes him swallow them before allowing Aang to be a bad father to all of his children. I understand that Aang has a special relationship with Tenzin, since he inherited his mastery of air, but don't try to fool me. Aang is an amazing father, and nothing will change my opinion on that, not even Korra.
Add something else that I forgot:
If Zuko and Katara were to have a romantic relationship, of course it would hurt Aang, because he is in love with Katara, but he would never ever get angry with either of them, because both Katara and Zuko are his family. and Aang loves his family. Stop calling the baby evil
#zuko x katara#zutara#pro aang#love for aang#I will fight tooth and nail to defend Aang#avatar the last airbender#avatar aang#aang#katara#zuko#katara x zuko#sokka#atla suki#toph beifong#azula
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hi! could you write something with a reader that's working at ada and they are always cheerful and happy and get along with dazai well, but one time they get sent to a mission (i just started the anime so i dont really know how things go, sorry!) and get badly injured so they are not as cheerful as before and dazai and others help them get better? it's my first time sending a request so sorry if I didn't explain well! feel free to change it up a bit! feel free to ignore this! take care!
ᰔᩚ Get well soon!
Summery: You've been healed up by Yosano but you still feel troubled from your recent assignment and the ada members are here to comfort you
Contains: Dazai, Ranpo, Kunikida, Atsushi, Yosano X Reader
Tags: platonic but can be seen as romantic, reader has an ability but not specified, fluff, not proofread, grammar mistakes, oc probaly
Format: short Headcannons
Notes: I feel that some are too short than others and probaly out of character, I'm not good at writing words of comfort so yeah
᠃ ⚘᠂ ⚘ ˚ ⚘ ᠂ ⚘ ᠃
Dazai
You come back from Yosano's clinic all healed up and fresh
No evidence of the broken bones and cuts you had gained from your first ever dangerous assignment
You may have been patched up physically but emotionally you were still wrecked
Just staring quietly at your empty report as the scene of the fight kept replying in your head over and over again
You kept wondering "why didn't I use my ability properly?"
You were too busy to notice someone staring right at you
Dazai would instantly notice the change in your behavior
how you've become more quiet
not a single word coming out of your mouth as you looked lost in thought
he'd try to comfort you to the best of his abilities but comforting others isn't his forte
He would try to comfort you in a rather silly way
Telling you a silly joke or pulling an innocent prank involving flowers or something that you like
Doing some overly dramatic scheme just to see you smile :(
He doesn't know how to bring comfort in any other way
He would let you talk out your feelings but if you're expecting some comforting words, you will not get any
Because he doesn't know how to
But you will get a hug in the comfortable silence
Ranpo
Obviously he would know you we're clearly bothered by your recent assignment
Coming back with a practically broken body and nearly failing the case that could've cause devastation to others had turned you extremely quiet
He's more actions than words
Will share only a little bit of his sweets
he'll share as much as you want
he'll tell you that you did a good job and that you're still one of the best out there
nothing was your fault
expect the best hugs and him staying by your side as long as you need
Kunikida
When you return from your case and are properly healed there will be a scolding
but in a comforting way?
it comes from a place of heart
He understands this pain
would like to address your feelings
unlike Ranpo its words rather than actions
"one moment of weakness dosent define you. Mistakes will happen"
"We all stumble and fall down from time to time but it is these stumbles and falls which make us who we are"
"its not the end of the world"
trust him
he would know
Yosano
the one who brought you back from nearly being dead
You're feeling woozy on the bed of the clinic after
Physically you were fine but you still felt disturbed
Staring at the white ceiling of the room as replays of the same moment stay in your head
Yosano was in the room, hearing how silent the room instead of the usual chatter she would know that you were troubled
she would be the one to break the silence
Words of comfort and good advice
takes you out to go get your favorite food together
Atsushi
He is extremely worried about you
Checking up on you to see how you're doing
Seeing how upset you are makes him worry
“Hey, hey.. It’s okay… You didn’t know what was going to happen and it was your first case… Please don’t blame yourself..”
The best person who brings comfort
I don't know how to write that
He'd try to cheer you up any way he can
᠃ ⚘᠂ ⚘ ˚ ⚘ ᠂ ⚘ ᠃
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Job Roulette.. or Not: A Post about Alter Roles
Roles like Hosts? Protectors?.. maybe a Cleaner? an Academic?.. why is there an alter who comes out only for driving?! What about these other alters who don't really do much--they got to have one right??
--Are probably what you might be thinking when this topic comes up. But, there's something more into it,, it's not all about what job or how the role is assigned to an alter only.
Well, for this post, lets talk EVERYTHING about how roles work, what kinds exist, why it's there?? And especially, why are some more task specific, multi-role, or even... none? Bowl straight to the point, let's roll out. Haha punny
Ok J, spill. What are they?
Hold on. Im pulling out this dictionary definition of it--ah!
"defined positions that are associated with given responsibilities and are usually allocated according to the position or ability of each person."
To put it in system terms, it's how different parts can do something that others couldn't, or, feel a sense of responsibility in one particular aspect. That's making sense right? But oh.. you still want to know why they're there at the first place. Fine, follow me!
Yeah, show me why!
As aforementioned, this disorder boxes up our different parts of selves with amnesia and weaker bonds of connection which really sets us back on easing our 'modes' for different situations.. not only that, a part's moods and state/personality can greatly affect what kinds of jobs they get, it's not so random as you'd thought.
So, thing is, because some alters have a distinguished ability capable in doing something, depending what fragment or pre-existing knowledge/experience it holds, that can become it's very own job task.
They can be hereditary (upon split or formed), gained (fuse or passed traits), or even learnt (by its own commitment, without any prior skills). Roles come from many origins, and none of them are so different.
But, some are more complex..
I get it, some can have more than one, have ultra specific ones, or literally just don't have any. Now it makes you think--if it was from predisposed strengths each alters naturally have, then why are some more niche? or like, anything else? I know why:
Our brains are complex alright. We both can think maybe we can do (even if we don't like it) and not do something, and these are all compartmentalized in each alters, so basically its part feelings, part acceptance of such trait, and part commitment as the formula. Even confidence or the call to action affects this outcome!
This can apply to who can handle more than one jobs, or for those who are more specific or lesser known roles. In fact, roles do not have any limits, they are specifically tailored for your functionality so don't fret if you have an alter who's job is only to sleep, or anything else 'silly' !
What about the ones without.. roles?
Do you think it feels wrong to not have roles? While it is true that roles are needed, they're not actually a required standard for everyone to have a job task. Mainly, ANP's are the one who usually have roles, but EP's can too.
If they do not have a role, they might be disinterested or think they don't have any potential, or sometimes they're only there to hold memories / don't have the qualified skill sets, and thats okay! You can take proactive action in anyhow you'd like, just remember, every parts aren't forced to contribute, you know? It doesn't make them useless, maybe more on passive support/back ups.
I've also seen some systems who don't really have roles because the alters are all well-rounded, as in pick up other's tasks and that they're not assigned/compelled to do a particular job at all times, like being flexible. everyone's different!
Make sense, anything else?
Well, that we are not bound to roles, they do not define us, and that we can lose, or change roles according to our growth. Have anyone ever mentioned that?
Im aware that we tend to put too much emphasis on having jobs and being contributive, but the most important thing to keep in mind is that we all in this together, and to help each other, in a way or another.
Never forget that you're more than your job! Maybe try to enjoy other parts of life, yeah?
--
Thats the end of the post. What will you do if you find a new alter with no impressions of having a role? How do you see roles in your own pov? What's the first thing you'd do if you were to be free from your job task, if any? Feel free to let me know, i hope this has been informative, im willing to add anything if something's missing!
- j
#did#actually did#did community#did osdd#did system#dissociative identity disorder#sysblr#plural#system stuff#jeducates
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Scarlet Whispers pt. 7
Gif not mine
A/N: A first date. Ish. Also, I do not understand fashion, can't put together an outfit irl to save my life. I had to do much googling and running the descriptions by several people before I deemed it "acceptable". Again, edited while stoned. Lissen. Lissen. It helps with my seizures more than any medications ever have and now that I'm allowed to smoke again, I will be. I wrote this while in the hospital if I recall so hopefully the time I was able to dedicate to it shines through?? Eh.
Pairing: Wanda Maximoff x Female!Reader
Trigger warnings (let me know if I forgot to tag anything): Mentions of past child abuse, stalking, horror, dubcon, kidnapping, stockholm syndrome, gaslighting, angst, smut. There will be bits of fluff tho.
Rating: M. Minors DNI
Masterlist with parts 1-6 here
When Wanda told you that morning she had a surprise planned, you weren't quite sure what to expect. As a woman with the ability to bend reality, the possibilities were endless. You inquired about the dress code, hoping for some insight into where she might be taking you. However, she left you puzzled when she said you could wear whatever you were comfortable in. When you sought clarification, expressing concerns about being under or overdressed, she delighted in flustering you. “Detka, you could wear a paper bag, and you would still be the most beautiful person in the room.”
You resisted the urge to flee the room when you saw the hungry look she gave you. Stumbling over your words, unsure of what you had said, you simply nodded and went back to your room to get ready. Soft chuckles echoed down the hall as you left, and you were thankful she couldn't see the pink dusting your cheeks. It was clear that she knew the effect she had on you, and her laughter confirmed it. It seemed like flustering you was her favorite pastime, and she had stopped pretending otherwise. Unsure of what to do with this information, you searched your closets for something suitable for the day.
Uncertain about the plan, but wanting to strike a balance between casual and dressed up, you decided to wear a dove grey short-sleeved button-up shirt. This choice exuded a casual yet polished vibe. The short sleeves provided a relaxed and laid-back appearance, while the button-up style added a touch of sophistication. Rolling up the sleeves suggested a practical and comfortable approach, perfect for a less formal setting. If Wanda were to take you somewhere slightly fancier, you could always unroll the sleeves.
For the pants, you decided to go with black slim-fit chinos. They offer adaptability, comfort, and the ability to seamlessly transition between different dress codes and occasions. You paired them with a simple black leather belt with silver accents. As for the shoes, you selected black and white Bruno Marc Rivera Oxfords. These shoes strike a balance between the formality of dress shoes and the relaxed comfort fit of sneakers.
Once you had picked out your outfit, you headed to the bathroom to get ready. Unlike witchy, you didn't have magic to speed up the process. Wanda hadn't given you a specific time limit, but it was probably better to get ready sooner rather than later. After a quick shower, you applied a simple layer of tinted moisturizer to your face. Feeling more prepared, you got dressed and made your way to the main hall to meet Wanda.
You were wholly unprepared for the sight that greeted you.
Before you stood Wanda, dressed in a red and black half turtleneck striped knitted peek-a-boo sweatshirt. The collar doesn't reach Wanda's chin, giving a tantalizing view of her neck, and the shoulder cutouts accentuate her defined muscles. She has paired the sweatshirt with faux leather dress leggings and black high-heeled booties. Her fingers are adorned with several silver rings, and you try not to imagine how they would feel if she were to touch you. As you take in her entire appearance, you gulp. Finally, your eyes meet, and Wanda grins knowingly, making you blush bright pink, and you know she has likely heard your thoughts.
“You look great, Wands.” you complimented, shyly.
The witch preens at your praise and returns it in kind. “You look pretty handsome yourself, detka. Are you ready to go?”
“Well since you won’t tell me where we’re going, I suppose so.” you tease, hoping she will relent and tell you the surprise.
Wanda simply smirks at your attempt and opens a portal behind her. Gesturing "after you," she invites you to confidently step through ahead of her. There was a time when you would have been terrified to go through any magical portal without Wanda physically by your side. However, you had seen enough of her skill to know that nothing bad would happen to you. As soon as you step through the portal, you find yourself facing a fish tank that spans an entire wall. Your heart soars with joy as you realize that Wanda has brought you to an aquarium, one of your favorite animal exhibits.
A soft hand slipped into yours and you heard the warm timbre of Wanda’s voice next to your ear. You could tell she was smiling. "Surprise."
You turned to look at the witch, your gaze filled with awe and gratitude. The only time you had ever been to the aquarium was during a school field trip, which you had managed to afford with some money you had scrounged up over the course of a few weeks. No one had ever taken the initiative to treat you to the aquarium before.
Wanda smiled warmly at you. "I know you feel anxious in large groups of people, so I rented the place just for us. You can take your time exploring any of the displays without worrying about anyone getting in your way. We have the entire day, dorogoya, and I have another surprise planned for dinner." She gently squeezed your hand and gave you a quick wink.
A gentle warmth fluttered in your chest, as if a burden had been lifted. No one had ever shown such thoughtfulness and kindness towards you. The fact that Wanda had listened attentively when you shared your fondest childhood memory of visiting the aquarium, and went out of her way to recreate that experience for you just to see you happy, made your heart feel alive like never before.
Overflowing with appreciation and joy, you couldn't help but throw yourself into the witch's arms. With her reflexes honed during her time with the Avengers, she caught you in a gentle embrace. As she felt her sweatshirt becoming damp with your tears, Wanda was about to ask what was wrong, but before she could utter a word, you whispered a quivering "thank you" while holding onto her tightly.
For Wanda, this didn't feel like the anticipated victory. Instead, her focus was solely on how perfect it felt to have you in her arms, as if that was how it should always be. She had missed you so much. While being the big spoon every night technically meant she was still holding you, it was a completely different experience for you to actively seek out her touch. Now that you were, Wanda never wanted to let you go.
She whispered comforting words to you while holding you, with one hand gently playing with your hair as you calmed down. After what felt like both an eternity and not enough time, you released yourself from her embrace and wiped away some of your tears. You apologized, feeling embarrassed. In a gesture of comfort and intimacy, Wanda's thumb wiped away the remaining tears from your face.
“You never have to apologize for your feelings, Y/N. Not to me. I am glad you trust me enough to be so vulnerable.”
You watched, dazed, as Wanda brought her thumb, the same one that had just wiped away your tears, to her mouth. While maintaining direct eye contact with you, she slowly inserted her thumb into her mouth and used her tongue to clean your tears from it.
“Uh.. Yeah. S-sure.” Ever the quick wit from you…
Pillow-like lips curved playfully. "Come on, detka, let's see what this place has to offer?" The witch extended her hand to you, and in your daze, you accepted it. She simply had to guide you to the first exhibit before your initial shock gave way to excitement for the day. Soon, you were practically bouncing from one plexiglass panel to another, enthusiastically discussing the beautiful fish you encountered. Throughout the entire experience, you never released Wanda's hand, and she was thrilled to let you hold on.
Wanda was captivated by your innocent excitement. Her laughter tinkled melodically as you narrated the fish's experiences to her, even going so far as giving them names. Your enthusiasm for your special interest, your extensive knowledge about fish surpassing her own, and your ability to provide additional details not found on the descriptive plaques, left Wanda gazing at you with love and amusement in her eyes. Of course, you were too engrossed in the beautiful fish to notice, and she happily listened to your enthusiastic info dumping.
As you explored the aquarium, you couldn't help but wonder if this feeling of joy was what children often experienced. Being able to take in the exhibits at your own pace, with Wanda attentively listening to your ramblings, made you feel carefree and happier than ever before. Never diminishing your enthusiasm; Wanda remained engaged throughout, even asking follow-up questions to your explanations. It didn't occur to you, but you hadn't let go of each other's hands almost the entire time, and it seemed that neither of you had any intention of doing so anytime soon.
The highlight of the experience was when you and Wanda turned the corner and you found yourselves in an outdoor viewing area that led to an enclosure. As you approached, your excitement grew - it was an interactive penguin encounter! A person dressed in a wetsuit entered through a door at the back of the enclosure and made their way towards you, indicating that they were ready to let you in. After opening the gate, they introduced themselves and warmly welcomed both of you. You turned to Wanda in disbelief, unable to contain your excitement about the opportunity to play with real, live penguins!
Wanda smiled tenderly at your surprise and gently nudged you to follow the trainer into the enclosure. Your hands only now separated, and you almost, almost wanted to skip the adorable birds just so you could continue holding the witch's hand. Excitement prevailed in the end though because how often does one get the chance to pet penguins?
The trainer went to get a bucket of fish and brought it over to you, demonstrating how to entice the penguins to your side. Although the semi-frozen fish felt disgusting when touched, you were willing to endure any uncomfortable texture rather than miss out on this opportunity. With bait in hand, you beckoned to a nearby penguin, waving the fish to gain its attention. Success! The penguin waddled over to you, and you tried to not to lose your shit at how adorable the bird was.
The penguins were clearly accustomed to human interaction. They showed no hesitation in getting close to you to retrieve their dinner. You had anticipated having to throw a fish or two before the penguins would come close enough to touch, but to your surprise, one of the penguins allowed you to pet it while it enjoyed it's meal.
All the while, Wanda stayed in the background, capturing countless pictures, and several videos of you cooing and awing over the birds. By now you had a waddle of penguins surrounding you, and you were thrilled to interact with each and every one of them, not wanting any to feel left out. Eventually it was time to go, but you insisted the trainer take a picture of you and Wanda crouching with the penguins, Wanda feeling overjoyed that you wanted her to be included in this memento.
At first, she stood slightly to the side, positioned to be in the photo but not to draw the focus from you. However, you weren't having any of that, wrapping your arm around her waist and pulling her gently into your side. She laughed at your enthusiasm, grateful for the gesture. While the trainer took the photo, your smile shifted from the camera to Wanda, filled with adoration for arranging such an amazing day for you. Unaware of your change in focus, the witch was too absorbed in the pleasant feeling of being pulled close to your side while the picture was taken.
At last, it was time to go, and the aquarium employee led you guys to where you could wash your hands. Throughout you were waxing poetic about how this was the best experience of your life, and you were pretty sure you were going to go to sleep that night dreaming about penguins. You couldn’t wait to print out the last picture of the two of you and frame it. You thanked the witch profusely.
“I’m glad you enjoyed it, detka. I only wanted to provide you with a memorable experience.” Wanda smiled at you fondly.
“It certainly was that! I don’t think anything could ever top today!”
The witch grinned. “The day isn’t over just yet, dorogaya, we still have a little bit more.”
Your eyes widened. “More? What more could there possibly be?”
“Not much, but it is time for dinner, and why go elsewhere when the aquarium has it’s own restaurant?”
You weren’t going to lie, you had expected the restaurant to be cafeteria style, but you weren't disappointed by the idea. So, when you and Wanda walked in and saw the cozy, dimly lit restaurant, you were pleasantly surprised. In the center, there was a tube-shaped tank stretching from the floor to the ceiling, filled with some of the most vibrantly colored fish you had ever seen. The restaurant itself seemed to curve around this centerpiece as if it was made to showcase the tank. It probably had been.
There was limited seating available, with only one table already set up to host, situated right next to the tank. The table was adorned with a crisp navy linen tablecloth, plush chairs, and a small candle, creating an atmosphere of intimate seclusion. As the maître d’ guided both of you to the seating area, you couldn't help but marvel at the beautiful setting. Despite being a local attraction, this restaurant exuded a sense of luxury. Before the host could pull out your chair for you, Wanda intervened, gesturing for you to sit. Blushing, you followed her instructions, feeling pleasantly taken care of, as she carefully pushed your chair closer to the table and then took a seat herself.
The maître d’ introduced themselves and informed you that your waiter would be with you both shortly. Taking the time to get situated, Wanda asked you how you were enjoying your day so far. Naturally you launched into excited chatter about how wonderful it was, how happy you were to be here, and how thankful you were that Wanda had arranged this for you. You were practically gushing in your gratitude.
“Speaking of, witchy, how did you manage to pull this off anyway? Just out of curiosity. It can’t have been easy to get this done in such a short time frame.”
A wry grin spread across Wanda's face. "You'd be surprised what a little bit of magic and a black card can achieve." She winked, causing your stomach to flutter, and you gulped.
“Well consider me impressed. I think if I were to ever try the same thing, there would probably have a waitlist for a couple years.” You chuckled.
The pair of you settled into easy conversation, covering yours and Wanda’s favorite sights that day.
Of course, your favorite part was the penguins. How could it not be? Not only did you get to see them up close and personal, but you were also able to feed and pet them. You couldn't contain your excitement about printing out the picture, though intentionally not asking to see it on her phone because you didn't want to know what date would show, or if Wanda would even allow you to look. You didn't want to risk spoiling a perfectly good day by asking too many questions and potentially putting the witch in a bad mood.
Wanda's favorite was also the penguins, mainly because she found you incredibly adorable when you interacted with them. Witnessing your happiness, carefree nature and knowing that she had played a part in bringing that joy to you, made her immensely happy.
"I'm glad you're having a good time, detka. You know I would do anything for you," she said, her tone soft and inviting, as she took your hand in hers. Hearing the sincerity in her words, once again you felt upset with yourself for ever doubting her intentions. How could you even think she would betray you in any way? The touch of her hand on yours brought you back to the present moment, and a comforting feeling of warmth spread within you.
Just then, the waiter approached and introduced themselves, asking if you needed a moment or if you were ready to order. Anxiety immediately clouded your mind as you realized you hadn't even opened the menu yet. Before your panic could set in though, Wanda spoke up and ordered for both of you. It was interesting to you, because in past experiences you aggressively disliked when someone ordered for you without consulting you first. This time however you felt surprisingly comforted by it.
Perhaps it was because Wanda was a mind reader, or maybe she just knew you well enough to choose the perfect meal for you. Either way, you were more than content with the meal she had picked. Not to mention the warm feeling blooming in your chest at Wanda, having no doubt noticed your anxiety, had simply taken charge of the moment, so you didn't even have to think.
Once the food arrived, you realized that you were in fact ravenous. The embarrassingly loud growl from your stomach served as a reminder that neither you nor Wanda had eaten anything since breakfast. Sharing a knowing glance, you both burst into giggles. The food turned out to be even more delicious than anything you had ever expected, and you attributed it all to the witch standing before you. An immense sense of gratitude towards Wanda washed over you and you weren't sure if you could ever properly express it.
You glanced at the witch after taking your first bite and were surprised to see her thin hazel irises almost entirely eclipsed by blown pupils. Blinking, you replayed the last thirty seconds in your head to understand what had happened and realized that you might have accidentally moaned at the taste of the incredible food. Oops.
Meanwhile, Wanda's food remained on her fork, halfway to her mouth. The intensity of her gaze made you squirm, feeling as if she would prefer to devour you instead of the food currently on her fork. Your cheeks turned pink, and you coughed, feeling embarrassed.
You mumbled quietly, "The food is amazing."
Voice husky, thick with an emotion you weren’t sure you were ready to name, Wanda replied, “I’m glad you are enjoying it, lyubov moya. Eat as much as you want, if you want more, we can always order extra.” She finally took the bite which had been suspended, all the while never breaking eye contact with you. You subtly rubbed your thighs together to alleviate some of the pressure caused by the increased blood flow to your core.
You quickly redirected your attention to your dinner, trying not to wolf it down in an attempt to distract yourself from the tension. Although you weren't completely certain about the situation, it seemed a possibility that the witch was flirting with you. The atmosphere had suddenly become so tense, and you struggled to understand it. Lack of experience with romantic partners, coupled with your tendency to feel awkward when someone you liked showed even the slightest interest, made it difficult for you. It's no surprise that your social ineptitude often prevented many romantic connections from flourishing in the first place.
Sensing your unease, Wanda swiftly breezed onto another topic. There would be an opportunity to press later on, but it was important to find the right balance between pursuing you and scaring you off. Luckily, she had plenty of time to make it work. And being able to read minds certainly helped.
Grateful for the reprieve, you effortlessly transitioned to the new topic, and suddenly everything felt right again. The rest of dinner went by without any further incidents, and you could honestly say that this day was possibly the best moment of your life.
Wanda appeared to understand your desires, needs, and worries with practiced ease. You had very few friends before meeting her, but after today, you would consider her to be your favorite person. Sure, there had been a few hiccups along the way, and perhaps some concerning signs that you should probably investigate further, but overall, Wanda made you feel secure and content. That was more than enough for you to view things through some rose-tinted glasses as you found yourself yearning for more of her time and attention.
All good things must come to an end, and eventually, the waiter arrived with the check. True to her word, Wanda discreetly presented her black card for payment, aiming to do so in a subtle manner that was not ostentatious. As you both stood to leave, you subtly glanced at the bill, eyes widening at the price as well as the generous tip she left. She had not been kidding about her funds, and briefly, you wondered where the money came from. You hadn't known Wanda to have a job the entire time you had known her. Then again, perhaps the superhero gigs had paid well? You had half a mind to ask her about it later, but knowing you, it would probably be forgotten.
Once out of sight of the aquarium staff, the witch opened a portal back to your cottage. With her arm still around you, you both headed home.
Taglist: @dorabledewdroop
#Wanda maximoff x reader#dark!wanda x reader#wanda maximoff x fem!reader#wanda maximoff x f!reader#wanda maximoff x female reader#dark!wanda maximoff#dark!wanda maximoff x reader#wanda x reader#dark wanda x reader#yandere!Wanda#yandere wanda maximoff#wanda x y/n#wanda x you#wanda maximoff x you#wanda maximoff x reader
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Pick a card - What are your psychic abilities + How to improve them? ✨
Hi! It's me again with a new general reading for yall. I bought the beautiful Tarot de la Nuit today, so I decided to do a reading to test it out. It is an amazing deck and I am blown away by its performance 😭
Also, I decide to open for paid personal reading here. Read this post if you're interested.
Anyway, this reading is a general reading, so please take what resonates and leave the rest behind!
👇🏻Choose a color that you feel drawn to👇🏻
And find the corresponding reading for you below!
Pile 1
You have the ability to attract people, especially romantically. You can make them attract to you that they are hypnotized, fixated on you. Your ability to increase your attractiveness is so strong that it can even make the impossible becomes possible.
For some of you, such message may be impossible for you to believe. Such belief may be cause by you not believing in love, or some traumatic events in the past, or both. To overcome it, you need to let those burden go. It's suffocating you, and covering up your flames. Investigate the reasons that is blocking your love, and work on removing them.
To enhance your psychic abilities, you need to be more courageous, and active. Go get that love you want. Be playful and open in love, as it is the right you have for possessing such abilities. However, it doesn't mean that you can be reckless. Be mindful of what you're doing with your abilities, and use it with care, or you may attract some side effects you don't want to deal with in the process.
Have fun, and let go of expectations when using your abilities. The less you worry about the outcome, the better you abilities will work.
Pile 2
You have the ability to gain clarity when you're alone. You have the light within, to guide you to see even with your eyes close, and the intelligence to explore even when you're asleep. For some of you, your psychic abilities are related to dream.
The less you care about others, the better your psychic abilities perform. Also, it will makes you shine brighter, so bright that some may idolize you. You have the flame within to fuel your glow. You don't have to please others in order to shine. Be more selfish, and cut off relationships that don't serve you at all.
You have to remember, the more you put into others, the worse you perform. You cannot do both at the same time. You're not here to babysit others. No one will thank you for that, but they will definitely thank you if you shine so beautifully, as you are here to be a star, an icon.
(I am reminded of the tragic story of Amy Winehouse. You may find clarity and inspiration from her story. Also R.I.P. Amy 🙏🏻)
Pile 3
You have the ability to bring hope. You bring the end of dreadfulness, like the night disappears when the sun rises. No matter how long the night lasted, you have the key to get out of the dark, and you can get out of the maze, as well as bringing others out of it, when you decide to do so.
You probably went through some shit. Some of you may think that you're doomed because of the shit you went through. However, don't let the dark define you. You're not the dark. The past experience is not here to mould you into a vengeful person, but to give you strength, so you can conquer the darkness, and break it, like the lightning that cuts through the stormy sky.
To improve your abilities, you may want to cut ties between you and your past. Some of you invested too much energy in figuring out why things happen that way, or what could've happened if things were different. These thoughts have to be stopped, so the past can stop draining your energy.
You have to believe that you are free. Some of you may suffered something from your family. However, not even them can chain you forever. You can leave the night whenever you decide to do so, as you always have the key in your hand.
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I have some thoughts about episode 240 and I'd like to share them all with you here.
[Long post under cut]
I've been thinking mainly about the VHS tapes, and the idea of them being this kind of legacy that one has to hold on to, before giving them up and letting them become a memory.
And with that, I'm thinking about the literal physical act of cutting the cord after swiftly announcing who you are. Cutting the cord is an idiom for becoming independent. In broadcasting (TV or otherwise) it's dropping a channel you no longer want to view.
Kevin announcing to the town who he was, and then subsequently cutting out the broadcast in one fell swoop not only declares his independence, but also takes control right back. To cut the cord implies, to me, no longer being defined by that of what one has been defined by for eons.
An ancient radio host.
A man who has wandered the desert for centuries.
Given everything we know about Cecil and Kevin's relationship, and the animosity, and then perhaps vague understanding later on, it is no wonder that Cecil was the one to make the boy confront who he is. So much has happened to Cecil since he last saw Kevin. Angels are real. He's a father. His town has been explained away and brought back to life. Cecil doesn't give him a choice to turn his head away.
Cecil, who so rarely has the opportunity or ability to truly confront who his is, seeing a young boy in front of him asking the same questions, looking in dire need of an explanation, and instead of telling him, Cecil makes him confront it. Cecil's job isn't to explain, it's to observe, report and offer perspective.
So I'm thinking about Cecil as a father, who was once himself a child abandoned by his mother, giving this child, despite who it clearly is, the chance to come into his own, even if its terrifying. And I wouldn't even be bringing this up if it were not for the beginning bit at the episode about Tamika worrying about the knife the boy was holding. Cecil's calm, "Well, is he doing anything with the knife? Has he hurt anyone with the knife?" is so..... parental in a way that Tamika hasn't had the time to really cultivate herself yet.
Carlos seemingly, once again, was aware of something before everybody else and chose to stay silent. Some things some people are meant to discover on their own, and perhaps Carlos knew this, but I also think Carlos was once again afraid. Cecil has had eons to become comfortable with not understanding the truth, where Carlos has only had about two decades (or one, depending on how you want to view it) to become accustomed to it.
The beauty of this episode is that I feel like it is about the anxieties of being a parent. And it did it so beautifully without ever directly saying it. Think about it.
You have Tamika unsure but trusting her instincts, you have Carlos encouraging curiosity despite what it may entail, and Cecil, letting the boy define himself despite his fear.
In a very dramatic, reversed horror story trope, Cecil allowed Kevin to define himself, despite what that's going to entail. He doesn't know if it's going to be anything good, but that's the risk you take as a parent. I'm not saying that Cecil is Kevin's parent here, just to be clear, I'm saying symbolically speaking, sometimes we have to let people make their own choices and be their own people, and sometimes they end up doing bad things or making bad choices and we have to live with that. Sometimes it's not our place to step in. Sometimes we are just an observer, it's not our job to change the story, but to simply let it unfold.
That's the job and the anxiety of being a parent, of a person, of a friend, of a reporter.
The beauty of this episode is that it's a rebirth. And we've been given hints over the last handful of episodes. The murals, the children worshipping, the snake god (Cecil's whole bit about being swallowed by a snake in episode freaking 1) of Carlos un-explaining the town, the car crash on Buellton Avenue, of Lauren even saying (episode 237) "Because to ignore our past is to destroy our future. I hope you don't have anything in your past that you have not atoned for, Kevin." etc. All of these themes have been present.
So, to go back to the tapes and of legacy, and how legacy can be traded off for the relief of memory. These two people, once solely defined as their position at their station, have diverged.
The last time Cecil and Kevin were alone in a studio together (physically, and if memory serves) Cecil was taking back his station from Kevin. In episode 48 Cecil even says, as a one off, "Don't run with knives". Since then, Cecil has had the opportunity to really create roots elsewhere, to set aside a legacy and create memories, all we have heard of Kevin (recently that is) is him being subsumed by Lauren who, might I add, kept making him call her 'Mother'.
And now, here we have Kevin, cutting the cord, cutting out the broadcast, not as a double, not as a replacement, not as his past or his future, but as Kevin.
#its kevins era we're just living in it#sorry for typos im not rereading this again#wtnv#welcome to night vale#wtnv 240
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Oh, I really like that idea. The family fluff and them treating y/n like a pup. I have so many questions my dear.
What I've been thinking is would y/n be built different? Living in water most of the time since being a child would affect their anatomy I imagine. Things like having wider, more developed shoulders, thighs or upper body (what you can often see on professional swimmers) would come as natural i assume also the trained ability to hold breath for longer periods of time and being able to use mer language.
But I wonder if their body would also adapt to environment in some different ways, would they develop abilities and anatomy not quite natural for humans? Like better eyesight under the water, possibility to digest raw food without getting sick due to this kind of diet they practiced their whole life or natural intuition regarding animals, their intentions and moods.
Would they have contact with other mermaids? Something like Spider from avatar the way of water like being a weird monkey friend among a group of mers.
How would they learn about human culture? the human language?
As a bilingual person I sometimes struggle with proverbs or slang, because you can't translate them word to word, they won't make any sense that way, I like to think y/n would have the same problem haha. Like imagine them saying ,, Nah there is no way they ripped their gills as a pup in this" which would translate to having something as a hobby you spent lots of time and work on.
Also would they struggle with human speech as an adult? Like despite the education would they struggle with some words or didn't knew the meaning?
After growing up would they live on the shore? Boat? Or in the village near the water?
You wrote about them being totally oblivious to human dating strategies and I'm in love with it. Love me some oblivious y/n's. But also let's reverse that y/n have a human friend that found something cool like a pretty rock or a seashell and knowing y/n is someone who loves sea and has surprisingly big collection of rare shells, rocks etc they showed it to them like:
Friend: Look what I found while diving last week! * shows the pretty pearl/shell/rock/some anemone*
Y/n : Oh! It rare, must be brought from away, not appear here. *after inspecting tries to give it back*
Friend: No No! Keep it it's for you, it reminded me of you when I saw it so I took it. It's not as gorgeous as the rest of your collection but I hope you will accept it!
Y/n being convinced they are trying to court them now : :O *Runs to Sun and Moon* Dads/Guys holy fuck
And like they start this chain of present giving where
Y/n : omg courting omg what I do? They are good providers, good eyes, strong. I must show the same! I will think about it but I will show I'm interested, considering the proposition *Gives sea glass*
Friend: Hahaha exchanging not really meaningful gifts and eating lunch with my bff. Oh! A sea glass! I must repay for a gift with another! So fun!
Or the other scenario where there is a mer that doesn't know y/n have been raised by mers and knows a lot about human culture for some reason and tries to court them that way and they are both so confused.
Also I think it would be funny if y/n had a sea slugs obsession, like they are their favourite animal, they are like sea puppies for them. And they feel personally attacked when someone doesn't know about them.
Ohhh I'm sorry about rambling but I'm in awe of this au I would love to hear more about it! The relationships dynamics! Characters! Everything! Everyday you surprise with your creativity more and more!
I'm gonna say "PROBABLY" to all of the anatomy stuff because I was not even aware of that being a thing for professional swimmers
Yeah, they'd be able to hold their breath for awhile! Not an abnormal amount of time though, however you'd define that (one of my friends can hold its breath for 2 whole minutes). I would like to also imagine that there is a way for Y/N to breathe underwater for a period of time with Sun and Moon's help. Like how in some romantic AUs, it's done through a kiss, but kisses themselves aren't inherently romantic in nature, are they? So the very cute image I'm getting here is Sun telling Y/N to hold their breath, pulling them under the water, then pressing his mouth to the top of their hair to do a very exaggerated "mmmmm...wah!!" like parrot owners do with their parrots. There's a few little sparkles around the top of their head, then Y/N is freely giggling under the water. Sun swims around them in circles like "swim with me! Swim with me! Like this!"
They can also use mer language. It would perhaps sound a little bit like there's a speech impediment to a mer. Still understandable though, so *Sun voice* 👏👏 good job, good job!! :D
Yeah, they can digest raw food better than the average human can!
I'd like to imagine Y/N meets other mers too, yeah. Maybe even gets to play with some other child mers, and Moon has to warn them that his kid is more delicate so they have to be careful. Y/N might feel a little left out though, so Sun and Moon still take them back to the human island from time to time where there are human children who won't leave them behind for being too slow. Even if Y/N is seen as a little weird, but oh well. A lot of kids are weird
Aaand that also goes into human culture and language. Again, Sun and Moon take Y/N to the small human island from time to time. Perhaps they have a deal with one of the humans to babysit essentially. Keep watch for them and keep Y/N taken care of. Hey, maybe it's Vanessa! Jdkghd yeah I like the proverbs struggle
I imagine they're pretty good with the island's human language. They had a small vocabulary with it already before meeting Sun and Moon, then they learned some from Vanessa, plus the other kids. Buuut they're not perfect with it, even in adulthood. They still have struggles, and maybe even don't know how to form certain sounds all too well. They sound like they have an accent, and don't know what to say when people ask what it is
I feel like boats would make Y/N feel a bit weird. Sun and Moon would always grab onto Y/N and flee whenever they saw one, maybe there had been a bad instance with someone in a boat hurting Sun or Moon at some point, and Y/N knows Sun and Moon take down large boats from time to time. So boats, especially large ones, might somewhat be associated with danger and the ability to be torn straight through. Perhaps they moved into a house by the shore and occasionally go out on a very small boat, since small boats had always seemed to be less of a source of fear and more so just caution
AWWWW THE THOUGHT OF Y/N TRYING TO COURT SOMEONE LIKE A MER WOULD IS ACTUALLY SOSO CUTE. I don't even know who this friend IS, and I'm obsessed
Oh sea slugs... you have got me there
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Alright so I sent this a few days ago but since tumblr ate it here it is again: Do you think Megumi has ever lived for himself? Personally I'm in the camp that he hasn't. If you think about it he's always lived for someone else (Tsumiki) or told what to do all his life (Gojo). I am a corrupt!Megumi truther and I was wondering what your take was on this since I think if the corrupt allegations are true, Megumi's gonna go fucking ape shit with all of that in mind personally.
I love reading your analysis so i'm really curious to see your take on this!
Hello to a fellow corruption megumi truther!
The short answer for this is: No, he hasn't.
I assume you want the long answer though, which will take awhile to answer. To begin with though let's define what "living for yourself" is. There's two two possible definitions I can come up with off hand.
Number One: Living for yourself is having agency. Basically it means having the power over your life to make your own decisions. Is Megumi in control of his life? Does what he wants matter?
Number Two: Living for yourself means being selfish. In this context it would mean is Megumi truly entirely selfless in his devotion to both Tsumiki and Yuji or is there an element to selfishness as well?
I'll answer both of these underneath the cut.
EGO
Megumi's stated motivation is to selfishly save others. On further elaboration in the Origin of Obeidence arc what he means is that he became a sorcerer to protect a few loved ones like Yuji and Tsumiki because he does not want to see good people suffer.
Even in the end of the Hidden Inventory flashback, it's shown to us that Megumi made the decision as a child to go with Gojo rather than the Zen'in Clan on the basis that Tsumiki would be miserable in the Zen'in. He made that life altering decision for Tsumiki's sake rather than his own.
He even says in his flashback dedicated to Tsumiki that he finds the idea of saving people as a Jujutsu Sorcerer stupid. In an interesting inversion to Geto in Hidden Inventory, Megumi doesn't really feel obligated to protect weaker people out of some higher minded ideals. He doesn't believe it's his duty to help everyone, he'll even argue against going out of their way to save strangers if they're pressed on time.
Which is why he's chosen to elevate Tsumiki and Yuji over everyone else and dedicate himself to saving them instead. That is Megumi's motivation, his choice, he's choosing to save the few out of the many. His reason for being a Jujutsu Sorcerer ties to this as well, because he's not motivated by getting stronger like Gojo, he's not out to save as many people as possible like Yuji. Being a Jujutsu Sorcerer is just something that will give him the ability to protect his loved ones.
I bring up Megumi's motivation to emphasize that Megumi is making choices. Agency is the ability to make your own choices and take control in your life. Even if I'm not going to elaborate on how Megumi is someone who's basically been handed off to different people and has had little say in what he wants to do his whole life, he's still capable of making some choices of his own.
When he requests for Gojo to save Yuji, Gojo interrogates him about if that's what he personally wants and Megumi confirms it. He's going against what Jujutsu Society considers right and instead making his own selfish choice in the matter.
He says the same to Noritoshi more or less, that he's trying to follow his internal conscience rather than what other people think is right. THis is to contrast him to Noritoshi who's specifically trying to be the ideal heir for the Kamo Clan elders, so he can inherit the clan and then make it a place where his mother can belong.
Megumi is capable of making his own choices and deciding for himself, however the vast majority of time he does not do that. The panel ahead is another example of that, when the more complex politics of the Jujutsu World is brought up Megumi mentions he doesn't care.
He's capable of being decisive, but tends to be indecisive and flippant about a lot of things. One of the exmaples I bring up is how much he dismisses the possibility that Sukuna might be after him, because he cares more about Yuji's life than his own. Therefore when Yuji insists it's dangerous for Megumi to stay near him, Megumi ignores it.
Megumi is someone who has had a lot of decisions made for him in his life. He didn't choose to be a sorcerer. Gojo offered him a choice that wasn't a choice. Either he goes to the Zen'in and be a sorcerer but they'll treat Tsumiki horribly, or he goes with Gojo but Tsumiki might have a chance at a normal life.
His decision isn't made on the basis of his well being but his sister's. Gojo also walked up to a five year old child and had them make a choice that would affect the rest of their life. Not only that he exorted labor out of that child as collateral for uh.... giving that child money so he doesn't starve to death.
Megumi wasn't raised as a child, he was raised as a sorcerer. He was raised with the implicit idea that he owed Gojo and that he'd be a future return on Gojo's investment in him. Neither of these things make Megumi inclined to make decisions about his own life... because when have his opinions mattered? When has he ever been in control of anything?
He's essentially a foster child passed between different homes that has no permanent place of belonging or family. Toji not only left him alone so often he can't even remember his father's face, but then he remarried Tsumiki's mom and abandoned both children permanently. Afterwards he finds out his father sold him, and the person who apparently "rescued" him from the Zen'in only did so to come into his life to take advantage of him.
Megumi had little control over any of that. Which is why late into his teenage years he still doesn't try to make decisions for himself or assert himself because he's had so many choices of his taken away before this. He's not allowed to do what he wants he has the massive responsibility of being a sorcerer thrust on his head because he owes Gojo for not letting him starve to death.
This results in Megumi putting little to no value in himself, and even being shown as suicidal at several points going out of his way to try sacrificing his own life. Gojo comments on his tendency to sacrifice bunt rather than swing for the fences but he doesn't properly diagnose the reason why.
Megumi tries to match the others around him and downplays his own strength, because that's what he's been doing his own life. He doesn't live according to his own wants, but what other people (Gojo) want for him and how they cane use him.
IT'S OKAY TO BE SELFISH
On the flip side despite the fact that Megumi lives primarily for other people, he can actually be quite the selfish character. His habit of pedestalizing both Tsumiki and Yuji isn't as good or noble as it seems. In fact Megumi romanticizes his own devotion to Tsumiki in particular into a sort of sleeping beauty and her knight protecting her fantasy. You could even say he's white knighting her...
Even in the story itself we never learn who the real Tsumiki is. We don't know what her thoughts or opinions are. We only ever see her through Megumi's eyes, we only know what Megumi feels about her. Megumi has obviously made her out to be some sort of perfectly innocent suffering victim.
She is sleeping beauty on her bed. The thing about sleeping beauty is she has no agency. She can't argue with you. She can't say cruel things to you. She can't ever leave her bed. She's just the perfect princess always asleep and in need of someone to rescue and take care of her.
I don't think Megumi wants Tsumiki to stay asleep forever in bed though, part of his motivation is saving her from whatever curse she's affected by. However, by making Tsumiki the princess to his knight he's actively taking away a lot of her agency. He's not taking her opinions or what she wants into consideration. When you decide to put someone on a pedestal like that, the one-sided nature of that viewpoint robs the pedestaled of any agency in the relationship.
I do think Gege is deliberately paralleling their story with sleeping beauty, almost every time she's mentioned she's shown as either asleep or associated with flowers that are symbols of innocence and purity. She's cited as his model idea of a good person. He has her up on that pedestal. The one time that we see Megumi interacting with Tsumiki after she wakes up (though it's actually Yorozu) he tells her to go back to sleep.
It's like Megumi wants to wrap Tsumiki in bubble wrap and put her somewhere where she's safe, so he can continue to live out his fantasy of protecting her. While I don't doubt Megumi loves his sister considering he basically sold himself to Jujutsu High for her sake there's a twisted element to this as well.
I'm going to reference Tokyo Ghoul here. There's a scene where Eto outlines that Kanae a character who's been desperately trying to get their cousin / love interest (I know, gross) Tsukiyama to recover from their sickness and leave there bed that all along they didn't really want Tsukiyama to recover. As long as Tsukiyama stayed in his bed then Kanae would have total control over him and he'd never be able to leave her, or love someone else.
That Kanae's feelings towards Tsukiyama aren't pure love and devotion, but rather a possessiveness that arises from her fear of being alone. Which is likely the same for Megumi, if he loses Tsumiki he has no one therefore he lives his entire life for protecting her.
Megumi is deeply motivated by his own abandonment issues and his fear of being alone, which is why to him his own life matters absolutely nothing in comparison to losing either Yuji or Tsumiki permanently. At the same time his protectiveness of Tsumiki can cross over into possessiveness considering his unhealthy viewpoint of her and his habit of putting her on a pedestal, making his feelings more one sided. Tsumiki being in that bed gives him a person save, a reason to live, someone to fight for.
On top of that Megumi pretty regularly disregards Tsumiki's feelings. The one thing we ever se of her in his flashback is how much she hates the fact that Megumi's constantly getting into fights.
Megumi not only completely ignores that, but he also starts using Tsumiki as an excuse to be violent. In the culling games he commitss unnecessary violence in her name.
When he enters the culling games he says (i'm paraphasing here because it's funny) "I don't know about Yuji but I'm TOTALLY WILLING to kill people." Then he goes on to show that it's true.
Megumi hears the announcement that Yuji has completed his side of the mission and that he can transfer points between players, meaning it's no longer necessary to kill people. Immediately after that he goes out of his way to finish off a man who's already on the ground and prone in the most brutal manner possible. He doesn't need to kill that guy, Megumi just does, and then he justifies it as saying it's a part of helping Tsumiki break free from the culling games.
His brutal takedown of that man is a pretty clear parallel to the way that Toji took out Gojo at the end of their first fight. If you're being paralleled to Toji then that's definitely a bad sign.
Megumi is someone who's had little control over his own life, and one way he exerts that control is through violence. The flip side of picking and choosing who to save, is picking and choosing who lives and who dies. Megumi's shown he's perfectly willing to make judgements on who's worthy of salvation and who's trash that needs to be thrown out.
He almost violently attacks this girl later on and the only thing that stops him is the idea that Tsumiki might disappear. Megumi lashes out in violence on a pretty regular basis, but it's understandable because the only thing he's been taught his whole life is that he needs to get stronger. That's what he's been raised for, his potential to become someone on Gojo's level because of the cursed technique. THat's what he's been told his whole life is the solution to every problem, get stronger, get stronger, get stronger.
THe Zen'in only cared about strength and so abused Toji all of his life until the only thing that mattered to him in life was proving that he was stronger than the sorcery world that rejected him. Which turned Toji into an incredibly violent person who kills others with little remorse.
Megumi similiarly had his whole childhood taken from him, because someone wanted to raise him as a weapon against the elders due to the cursed technique he was born with. Megumi's only value as a person is his strength, so he falls back on violence. In order to try to exert control over his life he lashes out in violence and desperately tries to get stronger.
Which is why the Megumi corruption arc conspiracy theories exist. Megumi hasn't broken away from this violent cycle at all. He's gotten stronger and more confident in using his abilities, but in every other way he's just growing more violent over time and more willing to kill others to get what he wants. He is a character that's selfless in his motivation and at the same time blind to his own selfishness. Because he is unaware of it he can't really do anything to fix or improve upon it which is why we see him steadily getting worse.
So if Megumi's violent behavior is a negative reaction to the trauma of his life then you can just imagine how he's going to react when he finally regains his body and has to live in a world where Tsumiki is dead. I doubt it's going to be pretty.
#jjk meta#megumi fushiguro#fushiguro megumi#tsumiki fushiguro#toji zenin#toji fushiguro#satoru gojo#jujutsu kaisen#jujutsu kaisen theory#jujutsu kaisen analysis#metasks
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Do you think that Levi has abandonment issues/fears and worries about being a burden to others? I don't know if these count as social anxiety, but there are a few scenes in the anime that I think of as social anxiety.
One of them is in the 3Season when Eren says "little old man" while swinging a fist at Historia's mutated father. I heard Yams say about that scene that Levi thought "I wonder if this is how they see me". I think he was offended.
And what makes me think that he has abandonment or being left behind issues is that both years later when he asks Kenny why he left him, and in the manga when Levi is injured and clinging to the sides and trying to walk and Armin tells him that he shouldn't get up because he's injured, Levi says "if I lie on that thing any longer, you guys will completely forget that I exist". I think this dialog was changed in the anime.
And later on, when the others are fighting, Levi looks at his injured knee and talks about being a burden to them.
I'm sure there are a few more scenes like that but I don't remember them now. But when we add them up, I think it's probably Levi's worry that he's a burden to others in any way, that people might abandon him because he's not good enough. I think it's because of the childhood trauma of Kenny abandoning him as a child. Child Levi was there thinking that Kenny had left him because he wasn't good enough.
I also me too think that Levi doesn't care whether other people like him or not, but on the other hand, I think that he believes that he is worthy of their love by trying to prove that he is a successful person, a useful person in the eyes of the people he cares about. But first of all this is my opinion. Canonically this may not be the case in reality. But I think he cares a little bit about what people think about him. I can say this both for Eren's example and for his height. I think he might be a little insecure about his looks.
I do think Levi has abandonment issues, yes. That's a little different than what I was talking specifically about, which is whether Levi is concerned with coming across as "likable" to others, and adjusting his behavior to make himself seem more likable in social settings. I don't think Levi cares much about that, just like I don't think he cares if he gets any sort of praise or recognition for his heroic acts. He's a hero precisely because he doesn't engage in acts of heroism for himself, but entirely for others.
But I do think Kenny’s abandonment of Levi certainly had an impact on Levi’s sense of self-worth, in the sense that, he taught him that strength was the most important thing, the only thing that mattered, even. But then he abandoned him, and in doing so, sent Levi the message that there was something inherently lacking in him that caused that abandonment.
Levi was strong, he’d fulfilled the requirements for Kenny’s approval, but still he was denied it.
So it had to be something else, something else wrong with Levi that made Kenny leave. His mere existence wasn’t enough to make him worthy in Kenny’s eyes. I think that plays into Levi’s belief that if he has nothing to give, then his own life isn’t worth anything, which is what I think the scene between him and Armin on the ship implies. Levi sees himself as a weapon to be wielded. That's where his sense of self-worth lies, and if he isn't able to be used as a weapon, or a tool, if others aren't able to utilize him to their own benefit, then I think Levi feels his own life holds very little value.
Again, because he fulfilled all of Kenny’s requirements, he lived up to Kenny’s standards of being strong, and it still wasn’t enough. There was something more he needed to be or do in order for his own life to have worth. Simply being who he was wasn’t enough. I think when he discovered that he could use his strength to help people, he also began to believe that his ability to give that strength defined his self-worth. He felt he himself wasn’t enough for other people to value or love, not on his own. It didn’t matter what defined his core personality, it didn’t matter what sort of person he was. But if he could give people something, if he could offer them something, then maybe that was where his value lay.
So Levi's sense of self-worth is wrapped up in his ability to help others.
But I think it's also important to understand that a desire to find a purpose for himself, or a sense of worth in himself, isn’t what drives him to help people, isn't what created that desire in Levi.
What drives him to help people, to be a “hero”, is an innate generosity in him, the sense that, because he has something that no one else does, his exceptional strength, it should be given freely to them. Isayama spoke about this, and I don't have the direct quote on hand, but he said something along the lines of how, if Levi didn't have his great strength, that would make him just an ordinary man, and he wouldn't be responsible for others. But he does have his great strength, and Levi has the sort of innately compassionate and generous personality that won't allow for him to feel okay with the idea of having something others don't and not sharing it. That has nothing to do with his strength, or even with his belief that in order to be loved, he needs to be useful. It has to do with who Levi is, what type of person he is. That’s what makes him a “slave” to his strength, or a slave to being a hero. His genuine belief that the possession of that strength makes him responsible for others. The genuine belief that, if you have something to give, you should give it.
It would be the same as someone who has food, and when they see someone who doesn’t, they feel obligated to give their food to that person, even if it means starving themselves. Levi feels obligated to share what he has. He’s a slave to that obligation. He gives, even when giving what he has is detrimental to himself.
When I say Levi is a slave to that, that’s what I mean. He can’t escape his natural compassion. Similarly, I think, to the way Eren, on an opposing end, couldn't escape his natural dissatisfaction with the world and thirst for upheaval and violence.
It’s why Levi’s attempts to keep his distance from others, to avoid the pain of losing people, never works, because Levi just naturally cares about people, in general, even people he doesn’t know well, or at all. He’s chained down by that natural compassion. He’s a “slave” to it, in the sense that he can’t break free from it. He can’t escape it. No matter how hard he tries, it always drags him back in, and he can’t ever ignore someone in need. He can’t turn away from that. That’s being a slave to heroism. That's what Kenny means when he asks Levi, "What are you, a hero?".
That's why I constantly talk about how selfless Levi is, and the tragedy inherent to that selflessness. He doesn't help people because he wants to feel better about himself, or because he wants recognition, seeking attention as a means to boost his ego or social standing, or even because he wants to be loved. He helps people because of a genuine and pure desire for them to be okay, and feeling with his strength that he has the means to help, he in turn feels he owes it to them to help. Again, that feeling exists in him because he’s an inherently empathetic person. He has a great ability to connect with other people’s feelings, on a fundamental level. So it's important to understand that it isn't Levi's strength that makes him compassionate, or his strength which makes him a hero. It's his heart. Whether he was strong or not, he would still care about people, he would still wish to help people. Kenny believed one could only be compassionate if they were strong, but it's not the ability to help that makes one compassionate, it's the desire. And with Levi, we see that demonstrated at the very end, as he, wheelchair-bond, is still doing his best to better people's lives, and it's got nothing to do with his strength.
Where his sense of self-worth ties into that, and how that self-worth impacted by this feeling of obligation, is that, in his view, his only worth is in his ability to give, in him having something to give, and if he doesn’t, then his life is worthless. That’s also what makes him a tragic figure. He doesn’t realize that his innate empathy and compassion alone make him a worthwhile person. That it makes him an exceptionally good person, even, and certainly one deserving of love. He believes that the mere desire on his part to help isn’t enough to mark him out as a person of worth. He believes that the only thing that would mark him out as such would be him actually being able to help. This is also part of why it weighs so heavily on Levi when he fails to save lives or protect others. Because he views that as a failing on his part to give what he has. It comes into direct conflict with his innate generosity, his natural inclination to give. It registers to him as fundamentally wrong, having this strength, and not being able to use it to the benefit of others. It’s why Levi struggled for so long to understand what his strength was even for, because it never seemed right to him that it would only be for himself.
A good comparison to make, in terms of contrast, is between Levi and Reiner, for example. Reiner wanted to be "recognized" as a hero, and he committed horrific acts toward that end, in the hopes of being made an honorary Marleyan, to be hailed as a hero back home. But Levi doesn't want to be "recognized" as a hero, and he never did. He just feels compelled to heroism because he has something other people don't. Like he’s the custodian of that strength, the keeper of it, but that strength is meant for others, not himself. This flies directly in the face of what Kenny taught Levi. Kenny taught Levi that his strength should only be used for his own survival. That his strength belonged to him and should only benefit him. That’s why I always say Kenny can’t be credited with Levi’s compassion and kindness. Levi came to the conclusion that his strength could be used to help others all on his own. Nobody taught him that. And his innate compassion and generosity renders him incapable of justifying to himself sitting idly by while others are in need. That’s why we see Levi so anxious and restless, for example, during the plan to capture Annie in Trost, or again, when he was bedridden before the final battle, but refused to stay there. That’s where his issues of self-worth tie into his ability to help. He feels it's his duty and responsibility to help, regardless of the consequences to himself, regardless of his actual ability to do so. We see this most clearly demonstrated during the “Battle of Heaven and Earth”, of course, and why he calls himself a "burden" when he's taken out of the fight with his ruined knee. Levi is literally half-dead, and he still fights with everything he has, doing himself further, untold harm in the process, eventually sacrificing his body completely, which is how he ends up in a wheelchair at the end. That’s true selflessness.
I talk about this in regards to Furlan and Isabel, too. Levi would have had an easier time surviving Underground on his own. Helping Furlan and Isabel would have just meant an added burden to his already struggling existence, two extra mouths to feed, two other people to look out for. Levi didn't need them. But he helped them anyway, because he's a selfless person. And again, this isn't something he was taught. He was taught the opposite. That's why I talk so much about Levi's nature, and how his goodness is inherent to his nature.
I said this before, but people always say Levi is a slave to his strength, or a slave to being a hero, because he feels he has to use his strength to help people. But he only feels like he has to use it to help people in the first place because of his natural empathy and compassion. So really, it would be more accurate to say Levi is a slave to his empathy and compassion.
I think Levi does carry some insecurities too, about his height, and, as I said, about his social awkwardness. Kenny called him a "midget" and made some other, derogatory remarks about his height, so we can extrapolate from that that Kenny likely made a habit of verbally abusing Levi in that regard, and Levi probably developed insecurities about his height as a result. And yes, I think the scene where Eren calls Rod Reiss a "little old man", and Levi's feelings regarding that, is indicative of an insecurity on his part. So Levi definitely isn't immune to feeling insecure or self-conscious about certain perceived faults of his, or perceived unattractive qualities. I just don't think we ever see those specific insecurities ever have an actual impact on his actions or behavior in general. He doesn't try to please people, or to gain their approval by acting in ways he thinks will ingratiate him. His low sense of self-worth, though, or his belief that he isn't of value if he isn't able to use his strength to help others, is definitely something we see affect him all the time. I think Levi feels, if he isn't useful in some way, if he isn't able to give something to others, than his life is forfeit and he may as well not even exist.
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An exploration of gender as a nonverbal autistic
This is going to be an attempt at expressing my feelings about my own gender and queerness, as a nonverbal autistic with language difficulties, low awareness of the world around me, barely any sense of self, and so many other things that affect my ability to understand and be aware of the concept of gender and sexuality to begin with.
I tried to write this like a properly structured essay, but because my thoughts are so disorganised in general (and I have so many thoughts on this topic), I couldn’t manage that. So, I have decided to present this as if it is a collection of journal entries; that is basically what this is, in truth! You will just have to experience the disorganisation in a similar way to how I experience my own mind. The most organising I was able to do was split it up into some categories, to make it slightly easier for you, reading this. Some things that I wrote could fit into more than one category, but this is how I chose to divide it up.
I have written a lot about the words I use to describe the way I feel, how I choose those words, and how that has changed over time. My delays in certain areas of development, and the other ways my various disabilities affect me, have a significant impact on the ways I have come to understand my gender identity and the internal (and partially external) process I went through to get to where I am now.
I have no doubt that things will continue to shift and change and as a result, the way I define myself in different contexts will also change. This is just my first attempt at getting a lot of this out of my brain and into words, for other people to read.
I wrote this is many fragments, so it doesn’t flow or connect, and there may be some repetition. Each paragraph may have been written at a completely different time, and therefore doesn’t relate to the last paragraph, or the next. Some of this is just stand-alone statements, some is longer examinations of my feelings. But all of it is true to my experience of the world and of queerness.
I have never been able to express the majority of this before, so I think it is pretty good for a first attempt!
**Note: I make a reference to having speech at a point in my life. I am nonverbal due to late autism regression, and grew up semiverbal with very unreliable speech, and language issues. I had very poor communication.**
Here we go!
I am inserting a “read more” here because this is very long. Really, very long.
Part 1 - The Words
I don't really think of myself as a man or a woman, or a boy or a girl. I have called myself a transsexual man before, simply because that is the clearest way to explain to someone where I'm coming from and where I'm headed. But I don't particularly like the word "man" to describe myself. I like the word boy, just because the word is nice. But that doesn't mean I am insistent on people calling me a boy.
I choose the words I use for myself simply from what I like the sound or feel of the most. The last thing I want is to be boxed in, though. I only use labels as descriptors, to explain to other people - they are a tool to communicate something, not a set of limits and boundaries to put on myself.
I know a lot of people might read this and think "that sounds like nonbinary", but I don't use that word. Again, simply because I don't like the way it sounds or feels when i read/write/hear it. And yes, I suppose I do exist outside the conventional binary, but that would be the case regardless of whether I was transsexual or not, because of my autism. So that is not something that needs to be labeled in my opinion (for me personally). Because the conventional binary is not something that exists in my experience of the world.
I hate that there's one set of accepted terminology to label queerness - such a fluid and complex piece of identity - and that I am even more "other" if I choose to say that I AM female, I WAS a girl. I don't like the word transgender unless it is being used as a verb - transing gender. I like the word transsexual because it describes something I will DO (top surgery, eventually). And partly because of how it sounds and the pattern of typing it on a keyboard.
My gender is what I DO, not what I AM. Gender as a verb.
Socially, changing my name and pronouns is much more connected to my barely-there sense of self, and past trauma. I needed to start again, because I felt that my life had changed completely (and it *had*). I like he/him pronouns because they sound different to how i was always referred to growing up. And they simply sound nicer.
Even though I don't understand most of the social stuff that comes with gender stuff, I still have positive and negative connections to certain gender-related things. And relating to the way I was raised - it still affects me, even though I can't grasp the complexity of how and why.
I enjoy the fact that I am fucking with gender, fucking with expectations. I am a female that is also a boy. I love the contradiction.
I still call myself female, because if people really mean it when they say "gender and sex is separate", then "female" does not mean "girl" or "woman".
Most words I used to describe myself as a child were put on me by other people. I used to repeat them over and over in my mind, as if to explain to myself that that's what I am. Especially my own name. I felt that if I just repeated it enough then maybe those words would stick and feel real. They never did. I don't know what words I would use to describe myself now, but I don't think I need to know. I'm just me. No words are needed for that.
When I just exist as myself in the world, words are barely relevant. My world is so sensory-based and rich in sensations that there's no point even trying to put words to it.
I don't think there's anything wrong with creating new words for things that already have words to describe them, language is constantly evolving and different people will have different experiences that they want to describe in different ways. However, I don't think it is useful to argue for stopping the usage of "outdated" terms, as there are always going to be people who prefer those terms. Not all people are going to agree on a word that they find most fitting or appropriate, even in one community.
I try my best to examine my feelings about myself and what causes a good reaction in me and what causes bad reaction in me. And then I use whatever words I have to try and explain it as best as I can.
Often the words I have are not enough and either I cannot communicate something at all, or I try and it is inaccurate and/or inadequate.
It is very difficult for me to put such abstract thoughts/concepts/feelings into words, I lack the language for that and often also the awareness - there is so many steps to communicating something for me. For example, most people have the automatic urge to communicate things, and know that option is always there. For me, it takes mental work to even remember other people exist and I am capable of interaction with them. And of course after that follows so much more work to do the actual communicating.
For years I thought of the words "transgender" and "transsexual" as off limits. "Those are the things I am not allowed to be".
A lot of words have shaky definitions and that makes it hard for me to even understand what they mean, never mind use them to describe myself.
I would often rather use a phrase, or a paragraph, to describe myself, rather than a singular word. I really don't want to be misunderstood.
I think that the way I experience gender cannot be put into words, and it certainly can't be labeled with one thing. I'm just grateful to have the opportunity to even try and communicate these things, and to explore it openly in the first place. Because of course I would still explore it inside my own head, even if I didn't have the words or couldn't tell anybody - I was already doing that, before I had access to all this new language.
I know a lot of people don't like the word "tomboy", but since I was a kid I've always really liked it. It brings to mind a mental image of young girls (in a time when clothing for men and women was much more separated) dressing up in boys clothes, boys school uniform, and the feeling of freedom from that. I always wished people would call me a tomboy when I was a kid.
I had a feeling of "oh, that's what I want to be when I grow up", when I first learnt of what butch is. Even though I am not sure at all of my sexuality, because that relates to other people and I am never sure how I relate to other people, or if that’s even possible, especially in a romantic or sexual way.
The words I use will always be slightly "out of date", or "not right", because of the time it takes my brain to catch up with everything. I will never find words to properly describe myself in a way that feels fully correct. I live in a world of my own that doesn't need words, only the acknowledgement of a feeling inside my own head. However, that is not very useful when trying to communicate things to other people.
Some words just taste and sound like defiance.
Part 2 - My Physical Existence
With puberty, I had so much discomfort with the change in my body, not only because it felt as if I was developing wrong, but also because of age and developmental stage - I felt it was too early, I was not ready for that. Big changes are bad.
I do have dysphoria, but only really around my chest, and the way people refer to me (which is also complicated and related to trauma). And other than that, I don't care a lot about how I am viewed, as long as I feel free to express myself however I want.
Aside from my chest, I am comfortable being female. I like having a vulva (as much as it intrigues me about what having a penis is like), I don't want to change that about my body. I don't mind having a uterus (apart from menstruation, which is not fun, but it's not the worst thing ever and it doesn't make me feel overly dysphoric).
I recognise that I have a physical form. I did have to develop the awareness of that, but I do not see that as ME. I am just a floating mass of thoughts and feelings and experiences.
My body was made for me, it wasn't made wrong. There are things I need to change about this body to make it more comfortable to exist in, but that doesn’t necessarily mean it was made wrong to begin with, despite feeling that way sometimes.
Disabled bodies inherently break the rules.
Many times I have wondered, perhaps, if my chest were much smaller, I wouldn’t have a problem with it. The main thing I struggle with due to my very large chest, is the physical discomfort. It aggravates my sensory issues in a massive way, it causes back and rib pain from the weight and pressure. The ways that having a large chest increases symptoms of my disabilities are the biggest reason for needing top surgery. Gender wise, I think I would be unbothered by a more “neutral” body, where I could easily forget about my birth sex. If/when I get top surgery, I will be removing my entire chest - the end result being a flat chest - however if I naturally had very small breasts I wonder whether I would pursue top surgery at all. I’m not sure of the answer to this, I can’t imagine hypothetical situations well, but it’s something I think about often.
I find relief in having physical reminders that it is different now (to when I was a child) and I won't get hurt again, I am safe now. I now have a buzzcut that I touch every time I am scared and remember it is not like when my hair was long, not anymore.
Sensory issues and physical limitations affect my physical appearance. And, my mannerisms are affected. I cannot look how I WANT to look. How I WISH I looked. As a result, my perception of myself and my external appearance, are even further divided. My generally low awareness and weak sense of self comes into play here as well. There is such a disconnect.
Part 3 - Awareness and Understanding
I can't stick labels on myself because in order to do that, I need to perceive myself as a person first. If other people want to use certain words to describe the way I am and the way I try to find joy and comfort in this confusing and scary world, that's absolutely fine by me - words are important and helpful and useful. But I don't know enough about the character that other people see and perceive, to say those things about "me".
I don't understand the concept of gender at all really. For me being trans is just about having more of the things that make me happier and more comfortable. I don't know what it means to BE a boy, versus being a girl - just that, out of the two, I would much rather be a boy. It is complicated, having such strong feelings towards and/or against things that I barely grasp the concept of.
My (lack of) understanding of gender and awareness of the world and myself definitely impact the way I define my identity. I would like to say that I am not bothered about labels much. That, to me the human experience is too complex and varied and colourful to be fit into black and white labels, I am just somewhere on the spectrum of human, but as descriptors they can be useful. And all of that is true, however, I do have intense preferences on which words I and others use to refer to me, even if I don’t at all understand why. Those preferences have shifted over time, as well, which sparks a period of questioning and examination, every time I hear someone use a word I previously preferred and find myself physically recoiling from the discomfort.
I cannot understand social constructs such as gender and gender roles. It just add to the confusion that surrounds my brain every day of my life.
If someone views me as a woman (or a girl), nowadays I am okay with that. It definitely would have bothered younger me, because I couldn't yet wrap my head around the complexity and fluidity of identity, and how it can't always be described by words with strict definitions. But as long as people use the name I chose for myself, and refer to me in the the way I ask, I am okay with any assumptions they may make about me based on my outward appearance. Because it's me, and how I define my own identity, that matters. Not how I look to other people. And my appearance is not something I have much control over at all, anyway. The first thing people notice about me is that I’m disabled.
Part 4 - Growing Up
The stages to breaking down my identity enough to identify it as a trans experience, for me, were this. First, it was necessary to understand what gender and sex is, and that there’s a difference between the two. Then, to understand social roles assigned to male and female that create "girl" and "boy" expectations. Thirdly, to have enough awareness of myself and understand my individual experience (and be able to compare my experience to others’) enough to figure out how I feel about gender. Lastly, to finally get communication skills and the control over my life to be able to TELL anyone. This last step is a work in progress!
The way I see it, I was by default a girl when I was younger. Because I had no control then, and that's what was assigned to me. I really couldn't say what I wanted almost at all until I was about 16 years old. And one of the first complex things I finally could communicate (at a very basic level, just scraping the surface) was the gender stuff. I attempted this a lot of times before 16 but I simply didn’t have the language, the understanding, the awareness, the communication skills, etc. to get my point across. The first time I tried to tell another person about experiencing queerness, I only had the words “gay” and “lesbian” to use. I knew that these were not right, but that was all I had. The only words I could use were ones I had read or heard, from other people, and that greatly, greatly limited my ability to express my unique internal experiences. Instead of trying to find other words, I instead became very insistent upon being gay/lesbian, only because I knew it was more than that.
I have a lot of memories of scary experiences where my unreliable speech took over and blurted out scripts (delayed echolalia) about being queer (using words I wouldn’t choose), simply because I was trying to learn and understand my feelings about queerness better with watching/reading media from other people. And that lead to ridicule and more exposure than I was ready for or wanted. I didn’t want other people to know, at that stage. I wasn’t done with the processing, and I needed it to stay internal. Unfortunately, I didn’t have a choice in the matter.
I was one of those people where it was always obvious I am queer, or at least “different” in just about every respect. I have never had a choice to hide it. I mourn the fact that I was never allowed the chance to inform other people of this part of my identity in my own time, with my own words. I am grateful that I even have the privilege of writing this, but there is a reason that there’s so much to write here in one go. There is so much I haven’t had the ability to say at all, until now, and even more that I haven’t had the chance to say right.
Sometimes I have the feeling that, even in the queer community, with the accepted labels and identities, I don't fit. It makes me sad sometimes, that I couldn't fit an accepted “role” or label. I have come to an understanding that that is not what being queer is about at all, which helps. I think part of the reason this upsets me, is because I am so disabled that I will never “fit” in any real queer space with other real queer people. I am left outside, watching from the edges. I am outside of everything.
But - It comforts me that there have always been people like me, just existing in the world. We have always been here. When I was younger and had all these thoughts and feelings about gender that I didn't understand yet, had no context for, couldn't express and didn't have proof of anyone else who had the same experience - it comforted me to think "if i am feeling this, then statistically another human at some point in time must've felt the same way".
When I was younger I used to believe - queer is what people say when they mean "dirty" and "wrong". It’s what people say when they mean something worse but don't have a word for it.
My identity of being trans is simply my identity of being me.
When I think about "passing" and wishing things to be easier for me, I don't think "I wish I passed as a boy", I find myself wishing I was just a girl, and then my life would be so much less complicated. But, of course, it will always be complicated for me, because of how others perceive my autism first, before anything else. I feel I struggle to be seen as a whole human with a complex human experience, because to so many people I am just my autism. Then also lacking of awareness of gender and only knowing my own feelings - even if I was a girl, I would still have this difficulty! - but still, in this situation, I think "I wish I didn't have these feelings to begin with". I think that shows it is more about the difficulty of coping, rather than other people's view and opinion based on my appearance and outward expression.
When using words to refer to my younger self, those experiences and the way they were labeled and explained at the time does not cease to exist just because I choose to use different words for my present-day self. I am more accepting of this now, I used to really struggle with the fact that it had changed over time and my black-and-white thinking of “one or the other is true”, made it very challenging.
When I was younger, the only way I knew how to make everything “wrong” with me (autism, physical disabilities, queerness, lack of faith in God, etc.) an understandable concept, was to come up with the overall explanation that “my brain is broken”. I just thought that must be the only answer. It was the only way I could process how many things I thought were completely and utterly wrong about me.
It feels like two facts colliding when I see my birth name, and it makes my brain hurt and my understanding of the world shatter.
Part 5 - The Choice
When people misgender me, it is more upsetting to me that people ignore my choice than that they perceive me "wrong" or make the wrong assumption. I actually don’t mind assumptions much, if someone looks at me and thinks I’m a woman that’s okay with me nowadays - I understand that I appear female, because I am, and a lot of people connect female with woman (or girl, as I am often also assumed to be quite young). But I also can easily forget that someone might not know my pronouns straight away, simply because of struggles with theory of mind - I forget that other people don't automatically know what I know, that they can't read my mind.
It is upsetting only because my choice is not being respected or understood or seen, from my brain’s point of view. Having the ability and opportunity to choose the way I am addressed, the way I identify, the way I talk about myself and want others to talk about me, is incredibly valuable to me. For so long I have only had other people’s words, both for them to freely put onto me, and to use in my laboured attempts at communication. Attempting to grab onto the closest words to my true meaning and piecing them together like jigsaw pieces from different puzzles that don’t quite fit.
Now that I can write something like this, with so many words that are mostly my own, to have someone go against that (whether it is intentional or not - it doesn’t change things because of my low theory of mind, I can’t think from another’s perspective and understand that they don’t know what I know) is spirit breaking.
A lot of the parts of my transition can be (partially) attributed to different things, different reasons. I changed my name partly because I had no connection to my birth name, and struggled to remember to respond to it. It also reminded me of bad memories that I don’t want to relive every day. Having a new name was part of a necessary process of changing every part of my life so it never feels the same way it used to - at least, not in the ways that I can control. I already wrote about how I need top surgery for reasons including but not limited to dysphoria, pain, sensory issues, and so on. I love having my hair buzzed (as much as I have the occasional urge to grow it), because it feels like me. It feel different to when I was younger, and it’s a physical reminder that I am safe now, every time I touch my head or catch a glance of myself in the mirror.
Technically, with these other reasons to attribute many parts of my transition to, I could choose not to identify the way I do. If I didn’t feel a strong connection to queerness, I don’t think I would spend so much time trying to sift through thoughts and feelings and experiences and memories and holding them up against different words to see how it fits. I have basically no awareness of gender outside of myself, I can’t figure out my sexuality because I don’t know how I can even relate to other people. I could put a mental block between me and this topic, and never call myself queer or trans or anything like that ever again.
But - I DO choose to collect these parts of me, and spend the time holding them up to the light and squinting at them from every direction, to come to align them with these words. That is my choice.
I am the same person I always have been, I just get to choose now. I have the power and control.
Thank you for reading, if you got to the end! I love to know that my words are seen by other people.
#from the chaos of my mind#autism#autistic#actually autistic#actually autism#nonverbal#nonspeaking#trans#transgender#transsexual#transmasc#trans man#trans male#gender#gender queer#queer#queerness#this took so so many hours#so much effort#but hopefully worth it!!#it feels worth it
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6)Scaramouche
Yandere!Platonic!Scaramouche x Child! Reader
Let me be clear, Scaramouche isn't the worst platonic yandere among the harbingers, but he will treat those yandere who mercilessly trample your mental health, nerves and self-esteem. So...
The danger of this platonic yandere-7/10
Common features:
It is difficult for Scaramouche to define his yandere side, but it seems to me that he is conscious. He knows in advance that you will leave and it's not about escape, but about your mortality. Sooner or later it will happen, because of this, he will try to avoid and ignore your existence. However, the longer he does this, the worse he keeps himself in control.
The first time you meet, he will make you cry on purpose. And, at first, he will be pleased with the result, but then, when he remembers your tear-stained face, he will be, to put it mildly, unpleasant. Honestly, it surprises him. Does he feel sorry for you? It's ridiculous... However, whatever it was, he achieved his goal. Now not only is he trying to avoid you, but you shun him like a fire.
I can imagine that the fatal moment will be when one of your loved ones swings at you and he, arriving in a rage, simply will not be able to restrain himself. He didn't want to have anything to do with you because he didn't want to get attached and see your stupid death, but he wants to watch your suffering even less. In the end, after he deals with the objectionable person, he will just grab you painfully and drag you along, periodically throwing you something like: 'Don't break out', 'Shut up', 'try to hit me/bite me again and I will do the same with you as with (Name the abuser)'.
A special feature:
What makes him truly special among other yandere and even among ordinary people is his ability to learn. And I'm not talking about everyday things now, but about his ability to change his behavior towards you. He needs a lot of time and effort, but the progress he ultimately shows is huge. His grip is no longer as painful as it was in the beginning, his angry words about your weakness and pathetic are more like a grunt or a way to tease you.
BUT don't let that fool you, he's still yandere and if you don't notice it the first time, you'll definitely notice it after he takes you to Dottore and demands to make a potion of immortality for you.
An adorable feature:
He always holds your hand, it doesn't matter where you are, what his mood is and whether you want it. He will hold your hand. In the first days, he will hold out his hand to you and after a few seconds of waiting, he will order you to take it, and if you continue to stand in a stupor, he will simply grab your hand himself. It may be silly and strange for you, but it makes a huge difference for him. To know that you are there, that he has control over the situation, is of great importance to him.
#reader#yandere#genshin x reader#platonic#platonic genshin impact#platonic yandere#yandere genshin#yandere fatui#platonic genshin#scaramouche#platonic scaramouche#yandere scaramouche#platonic yandere scaramouche
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yk what I really hate? people defining soukoku's relationship as toxic and headcanon chuuya as a violent person who physically assaults and abuses Dazai cause he "makes him mad", or Dazai as the one who constantly manipulates him into doing what he needs.
like who ever told you this?
first of all, no.
second of all, no.
They have the strangest relationship I've ever seen, but it's something beautiful built with trust from both parts so how can you call that toxic to this point?
we've never saw Chuuya physically hurting Dazai in both manga and light novels, at least not seriously (the basement scene doesn't mean anything, they didn't see each other for like four years and chuuya's a fricking mafia executive no shit he's gonna beat up the mafia traitor. but seriously, after seeing him fight for real you think that was violence?).
Do I think that at least once Dazai got beat up? yes, cause Dazai is constantly getting on Chuuya's nerves. the nerves of a dysfunctional teenager, that works for the mafia, that has a partner who tries to kill himself every two days, that is emotionally constipated and never learned how to love and be loved (the sheep betrayed him, the Flags died, Dazai is Dazai) so yeah, I don't think he knows how to express his feelings (he was all "I'm gonna act like I don't love you but in reality I love you a lot" with the flags at sixteen, what do you pretend from him if he's interacting with Dazai?) but not to the point of beating up Dazai every time they fight.
Dazai is ever worse: he's traumatized as fuck too, and is always going with the "I'm not human" bullshit (shut up sometimes he's so human he makes me cry) that most times prevents him from enjoying practically anything. Chuuya is not someone he know how to act with, but he spends three years with him so he fricking learned how, alr? They know eachother better than everyone, to the point that Chuu is able to understand Dazai's "misterious as fuck no one can understand me why people call akutagawa emo when im here" plans and attitude.
They trust each other to the point of constantly putting each other lives in the other's hands.
Dazai manipulates everyone, yeah, but not like Fyodor does. Stop treating his efforts to respect Oda's last wish like nothing and only seeing him as the man he was in the mafia. Bungou Stray Dogs is so beautiful because it's realistic in portraying human's life and emotions, so stop trying to make Dazai act and seen as the mean demon who hates everyone except odasaku. his "chess pieces" are used and directed in a gentle way, just see Atsushi and the relationship he has with him, or the ADA.
(the drowning thing. there was world's peace at steak, you think he should have chose saving Chuuya instead of everyone else? And that he really didn't think ab Chuuya saving Fyodor with his ability?
I'm sure he knew, purely for the "what a shallow bond" thing. Asagiri spent the last years making us understand the deep bond they share, only to make it really shallow after one hundred chapters?)
Chuuya knows Dazai, he knows the way he choose to act, how his mind works and how he plans the future, Asagiri said that himself, so it actually is canon. He truly knows him (best and worst part of him, and we're talking ab mafia!dazai) and still trusts him with his life, knows Dazai always hides something up his sleeve and's always "i trusted you with this *random insults*" after almost dying for Dazai.
They just voluntarily ignore their connection, but they're both aware of it, just see how Chuuya in Dead Apple is sure that Dazai has something in mind that involves him using Corruption (risking his life) and punching him in the face, or how Dazai is sure that Chuuya will use Corruption risking his life and punch him.
(the soft way he punched him while using Corruption really is... strange. he was throwing buildings around and then punch Dazai like he wasn't even using his ability? there wasn't any real strength behind it, at least not the corrupted one. so yeah we also have corrupted!Chuuya loving Dazai like the normal one) (I'm chewing a gum (my throat is hurting sthu) and I feel like the woman from that asmr meme that types on a pc)
so yeah the point is.
people can write or create media ab everything they want, but going around talking ab how they'd be a toxic couple cause they're abusive and bad for eachother is bullshit, especially if they're talking ab 22!Soukoku that has the potential to be endgame. teen!Soukoku could be toxic, yes, cause it's always disfuncional teenagers we're talking ab, they wouldn't even know ab how to be a good couple, but they'd manage, and still do more good for each other than bad.
(this is all to say that I cry when while searching for good skk ff I find that type of ff that antagonize one of them by portraying them as abusive (like taking out of the context Chuuya calling sixteen Dazai inhuman after he said that the death of a man that Chuuya respected was a luck for them- no shit he was angry(still could have not said that)) and the other as an innocent kid that doesn't know better)
we stan the "the other was the only really good thing in their life for a long time" trope
#random skk thoughts#bsd#bungou stray dogs#skk#soukoku#chuuya nakahara#dazai osamu#bsd analysis#kinda#dead apple#was a rollercoaster#gay thoughts#port mafia
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