#going to be living my androgynous dream. am I a girl? am I a boy? guess what motherfucker I'm none of them (and all of them)
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Bought really pretty mushroom earrings today and it is the start of what my aesthetic will be when I move out of my parents house for university and cut off all my hair, buy a binder, and start living as androgynous as fucking possible
#queer#closeted#closeted queer#agender#aromantic#asexual#aroace#aro#ace#lgbtq#going to be living my androgynous dream. am I a girl? am I a boy? guess what motherfucker I'm none of them (and all of them)#autistic#neurodivergent
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I hear this similar argument made by legislators to justify transphobic legislation, and by anti-queer people trying to divide the queer community (I have no problem with LGB, it's just the TQ).
The responses to her tweets is why I am sharing.
Here’s my reactions to EJ’s transphobic tweets:
1) Shouldn’t feminists already be defending a trans person’s right to be safe wherever they exist?
2) She says she doesn’t fear trans women, that might be true, I'll take her word for it. But her Twitter account shows she certainly dislikes the idea of trans people existing
3) Passing a law about which bathroom trans women can use doesn’t solve the issue of cis men sexually assaulting people. There’s no one reviewing ID cards before admitting someone to a bathroom or locker room. Rapists aren’t sneaking their way in by pretending to be trans, they just walk in
4) I’ve been at theaters and sports venues where the line to the women’s restroom is very long and some of the women decide to use the toilets in the men’s room. No one stopped them no matter the law
5) Also, she didn’t say it, but I imagine she’d oppose trans men from using the women’s bathroom. Basically it’s trans erasure from women-only spaces that she wants. Who’s next, women who dress butch or wear androgynous fashion because you can’t be too sure?
6) A 10-year-old girl changing into her swim suit or athletic wear is more likely to see a penis because moms often bring their little boys with them rather than send them alone to be with the men. Highly unlikely a trans woman would change out in the open in a way to reveal genitalia, more likely they’ll arrive and leave wearing the clothes in which they’ll participate or they’ll find a private stall in the bathroom to change in
7) Hahaha, the idea of a man making advances to the women in a lesbian bar. Not gonna be a successful night for him
8) Has a trans woman ever harmed a cis woman? Yes, but it’s incredibly rare. There is a lot of data showing that trans women are in danger when they are in the men’s prison or when they go to the men’s bathrooms/changing rooms. Apparently the person who made those tweets doesn’t value the lives of trans people
9) No matter how many reasoned responses people give, people like her will always be able to dream up other situations where they'll feel threatened by trans people
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Always Wanted You
Thank you for requesting, I hope you enjoy! 💜
Warning: Self esteem issues and dry humping I probably could have went crazy with this but I wanted it to be a little sweet
The end of the school day left you exhausted which was per usual but you were also exhausted from thinking, and being aware of how the boys at school gravitated towards the shorter, more feminine appearing girls in comparison to your own tall, androgynous appearance.
It itched at your mind that the shorter girls were perceived as dainty and cute, with the boys surrounding you desiring to break them and you were convinced that no one would even come remotely close to liking you as you were.
You had no desire to be broken. Yearning instead to be loved for who you were as you were and that didn't appear to be likely to happen with knowing how your heart squeezed painfully when you saw how girls and boys alike swarmed your best friend, Wooyoung, who was the boy you dreamed about at night and had daydreamed multiple times of how the confession would happen when he told you that he loved you as more than a friend.
Two wistful tears dripped down your cheeks as you shuffled along tiredly to Wooyoung's house, visiting him for some much needed time to hang out and unwind since exams were weighing heavy on you and the need to have someone to interact with was strong as well, even if the other person wasn't someone who was a significant other although you wished it were the case.
Scarcely you were aware of knocking at his door, only becoming aware of your surroundings when the door opened, revealing your handsome friend.
"Hey Y/N! I wasn't expecting you to come over so soon!" Wooyoung chirped with a gleam lighting his dark eyes that coaxed a pain to radiate in your chest.
"Hey Woo!" You plastered a fake smile on your face to divert attention from your pained feelings. The fake smile prompted Wooyoung to wonder if you were alright or if he was looking into things too deeply.
He was concerned for you but he also had a crush on you which he had successfully hidden away from you, which him crushing on you exacerbated his concern.
Always secretly wanting to just lean forward to kiss your lips because you were the same height as he was but he was afraid that you didn't feel the same way and ruining the friendship was something that he was deeply afraid of.
"Are you...? Feeling okay?" Wooyoung asked hesitantly in a small voice after ushering you inside of his home.
"Y-yeah..." You sighed softly as you scanned his living room for his parents.
"Eh?" He furrows his brows in concern. "I was looking to see if your parents were here." You explained with a comforting smile.
"Oh, they're out with their friends so we can make as much noise as we want!" Wooyoung giggles playfully.
"I just want to cuddle. I'm not in the mood to make more noise by dancing." You stated as you seated yourself on the couch that was in the living room as well.
"I want to cuddle too!" Wooyoung enthusiastically seated himself beside you, holding you close and automatically sighing in contentment at holding you in his arms.
You hummed happily and nuzzled into him, snuggling in closely to him and absorbing the homey atmosphere.
"Not wanting to intrude but are you feeling okay? You seemed a little off when I answered the door?" He couldn't stop the awkwardness that he felt as he spoke and he hoped that you wouldn't mind his concern.
You thought carefully for a moment, wondering if you should tell him what was on your mind. He was your friend and you felt that you could trust him with what was bothering you, save for the crush that you had on him.
"I... well, just a lot of things going on with me, and you know exams suck ass-" "Fuck yes definitely!" Wooyoung chimed in, falling silent as he listens to you laugh softly when he blurted out the word.
"Yeah and also I've been thinking a lot about how I feel like I'm unattractive and I also feel like there is no way anyone will ever be interested in me because I'm not like a girly girl..." You mumble gloomily, only fuelling Wooyoung's indignation.
"Wait a minute!" He squeaked in a high pitched voice, "How could anyone not be interested in you?! You're beautiful as you are and I will fist fight them into pulp if they try to make you think otherwise! A natural beauty that has completely captivated my heart-" Wooyoung's hand immediately clapped over his mouth.
"Shit!" He yelped from between his fingers, bringing more attention to his current situation which was his unintentional confession.
"Wait... You mean? You seriously mean you...?" You were afraid to ask if he liked you, knowing that he could have been captivated as a friend, but the reddened cheeks and his action as if he had spilled a huge secret heightened your curiosity.
"I... like you?" Wooyoung fidgeted with his hands, his anxious appearance looking as if he wished to hurl himself off of the nearest building.
"I like you too!" You gasped at his admission, throwing yourself at him without a second thought as emotions guided your actions.
Your lips met his own eager ones in a mingled sense of love and happiness that was transferred through inexperienced kisses and you both couldn't stop the fierce intensity of the kisses shared as Wooyoung was still shocked by your own admission of mutual feelings.
"Really?" Wooyoung gasped in lingering disbelief of your feelings for him as you straddled his hips, your hands hungrily roaming his chest as you nodded in response to his words.
"Absolutely!" You replied breathlessly as his hands wandered appreciatively across your back in nimble movements that made goosebumps arise on your skin.
Your lips collided with his again and desperate whines were uttered as Wooyoung grinded his hips crotch against your sex needily.
You whimpered and instinctively pressed yourself against his clothed hardened dick, yearning to get even closer to him and gain more of the delicious friction that you craved.
"I've always wanted you, Y/N..." The sweet admission made your heart skip a beat and you were wondering momentarily if you were dreaming and creating this moment with Wooyoung, although his desperate grasp on your hips told you that you were indeed very much awake and that your dreams had indeed came true in a manner of minutes it seemed.
"Fuck I can't believe this! That you're actually kissing me like this!" Wooyoung moaned loudly, bucking into you faster as you also matched his pace.
"Me neither." Your lips met his again in a crushing kiss, the movements between you and himself becoming more frenzied as both of you got off on each other from the excitement and love that you both felt for each other as the loud moans dissipated into the two of you becoming sticky messes.
"I'm so thankful that you want me as more than a friend!" You squeaked out in the afterglow of your orgasm as you buried your face in his neck, not even thinking about how your own words sounded coming out.
"Same Y/N! I was about to ask you to slap me to wake me up but I am very much awake." He panted softly as he held you tightly to himself.
"No bitch slapping!" You joked, sighing in contentment as you held onto him while listening to his high pitched contagious laughter.
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Accidentally Met My Soulmate(s)
(A/N): Hello there, lovelies!
At the moment I am not feeling very very well, plus my computer just decided to have a few problems, so writing has been the last thing on my mind.
But I couldn’t help but wish @walkxthexmoon an ‘happy birthday’ with this small fic (I am sorry if it truly sucks, I sadly haven’t felt the best as of lately, but I do hope that it’ll make you smile a bit)!
I hope you had a lot of cake and a lot nice gifts!
WARNINGS: Slight Mention of Smut, Alcohol Abuse, Puke.
In which once you met your soulmates you have their handprints tattooed onto yourself.
The night that you had met your soulmates (yeah there was apparently two of them), you hadn’t even wanted to go out.
Your friends had actually brought you to the club, mostly because you hadn’t wanted to celebrate your birthday, meanwhile that seemed all they wanted to do.
There were many reasons why you didn’t want to celebrate your birthday, one of which was the fact that that year had been less than pleasant and you had waited with much patience the end of it, to try to tiptoe attentively in the following one, without making so much fuss and continuing with your ordinary life.
The fact that most of your girlfriends were actually all matched up together didn’t help in the slightest.
You had thought that it would be a cute girls-night, but you had bene gravely mistaken by discovering that they had all brought their boyfriends, making the entire night already quite infernal.
And you wouldn’t have been able to survive it, without the help of alcohol.
So much alcohol.
That’s why you had approached the bartender quite quickly, the man smirking at you with some kind of gentleness that got you definitely very interested in trying out all the drinks he was missing up, and you were having quite a bit of fun, when his turn seemed to finish.
And he got substituted by an even more handsome bartender, although he had more a disgruntled look than the kind smirk the previous one had offered you.
But this time you knew a name: Ivar.
‘… cutting my time when I am with a beautiful lady, brother?’ had told him the brown-haired beauty at the bar ‘… want her all for yourself?’.
And with the way electricity snapped in Ivar’s eyes, you would have preferred to be the one having him all for yourself.
The gin tonic was definitely making its way in your veins.
‘Fuck off, Hvitserk, you have a fucking girlfriend at home!’.
Well, that explained why the bartender’s, Hvitserk’s, flirtations had come so softly, and in a more playful way that definitely didn’t entail any intention to bring you back home.
And as you met his eyes, he simply shrugged his shoulders with a sly smirk, as if he held himself faultless to your thinking, and lightly mouthed ‘I leave you in good hands’.
In fact, Ivar’s cocktails were better than you had expected.
But he wasn’t as talkative as his brother.
The conversation was one-sided, but certainly his eyes seemed to enjoy your body as they slithered with a bit of shame onto your mini-dress and it made you feel as if he could somehow push his own electricity in his glacial stare, making you shook lightly underneath it.
It was like electricity was running onto your skin.
And you enjoyed it.
For the first time that night you were glad to have agreed to come out with your friends.
You were halfway through reaching for another shot, probably the fifth in the span of an hour.
And then Ivar gently but steadily grabbed onto your wrist, to stop you.
And for a man that could be quite intimidating due to his impressive stance, he certainly had quite a lot of gentleness in the way he hold your wrist attentively, almost worried that he might break it, but his strength was definitely there as he shot you a look.
‘I don’t need a babysitter’.
You hadn’t wanted to be in there, first of all.
So, you could a few bad calls.
‘Understandable’ his fingers onto his wrist definitely didn’t retreat themselves as he fixed his electrical eyes onto you ‘… but then I do think that you should stop with all this shitty stuff and just let me pop something nice and expensive for you, princess’.
Well, you hadn’t expected that certainly.
‘… oh, yeah… thank you’ please do cover up this horrible moment ‘… I’ll need to… I’ll go to the toilette…’.
He looked delighted of having taken her ability to properly talk.
And fuck if she felt his gaze following her attentively.
And you tried to find the toilette, without focusing on the fact that the hot bartender had just hit on you.
So, you obviously didn’t look where you were walking.
And walked right into a handsome body.
Taller than her and slim in an androgynous way.
So, it wasn’t such a surprise to see that such a nice body matched such a nice face.
And that his gaze, lightly green in a way that was damnably hypnotic, turned quickly from displeasure into the semblance of a smirk.
He helped you up to your feet, without a word being said, as you apologized profusely.
Ivar’s gaze onto your back burned even more.
‘Sorry…’ it was all you could mumbled to finish your apology discourse, trying not to slur and slob onto him, since you definitely were salivating at the sight of the elegant way his forearm was shown by the soft white shirt he was wearing.
Designer, definitely.
‘… I’ll make an exception since you are a pretty girl’.
Here goes, her legs, they were jello.
And somehow his hand was still onto the small of your back.
‘Thank… thank you’.
‘Want to come up to the VIP section with me, gorgeous?’.
It didn’t seem a question.
And you honestly didn’t know what you should have done.
A hot bartender with the prettiest eyes had invited you to join him for a few drinks.
And then this hot stranger with that hypnotic smirk had asked you to go to the VIP section with him.
Well, 2021 had certainly its perks.
And your friends weren’t certainly among them.
‘(Y/N), c’mon!’ your friend joined by your side, stealing you effectively away from the handsome stranger, who tried to catch your attention, but once your friend effectively puked onto you, you were aware that you wouldn’t have had a chance anymore ‘… sorry… I think I drank too much’.
So, obviously, the one night you were living your YA fantasy, you got back home with puke onto your clothes.
That night, you had been too busy effectively dealing with the puke and your own terrible hangover to notice effectively that you had suddenly gained two new beauty marks.
Onto the small of your back and your own wrist.
Shaped like hands.
The sign of your soulmates.
Well, shit.
---
‘Cute girl, too bad for her friends’ commented Roman, as Ivar polished the barstool, as an evident signal to his best friend ‘to get the fuck away’ ‘Maybe we’ll get more lucky next time’.
‘… I’ll get lucky, next time’.
‘Dream on, pretty boy’.
---
HAPPY BIRTHDAY AGAIN, SWEETIE!
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All of them? :$
I can’t sleep. Why not
1: How tall or short do you wish you were? The height I am now
2: What’s your dream pet? (Real or not) Hmm...Gizmo
3: Do you have a favorite clothing style? Anything comfortable really
4: What was your favorite video game growing up? Sonic
5: What three things/people do you think of most each day: My partner, my future, and what it all holds
6: If you had a warning label, what would yours say? Very quiet, slow to anger but proceed with caution
7: What is your opinion on [insert person/thing here]? 🤷🏻♀️
8: What is your Greek personality type? [Sanguine, Phlegmatic, Choleric, or Melancholic] uhh when I took this test in high school, I was melancholic
9: Are you ticklish? Yes
10: Are you allergic to anything? Loads
11: What’s your sexuality? Bisexual
12: Do you prefer tea, coffee, or cocoa? Cocoa
13: Are you a cat or dog person? Cat
14: Would you rather be a vampire, elf, or merperson? Hmm vampire
15: Do you have a favorite Youtuber? I did
16: How tall are you? 5’2”
17: If you had to change your name, what would you change it to? I like mine
18: How much do you weigh? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!] too much for me to be comfortable
19: Do you believe in ghosts/spirits? Yes
20: Do you like space or the ocean more? Uhh I like both equally
21: Are you religious? Kind of
22: Pet peeves? When people touch my stuff without asking. Bad breath
23: Would you rather be nocturnal or diurnal [opposite of nocturnal]? Nocturnal
24: Favorite constellation? Not sure
25: Favorite star? Not sure
26: Do you like ball-jointed dolls? No?
27: Any phobias or fears? Not saying
28: Do you think global warming is real? Yes
29: Do you believe in reincarnation? Not really
30: Favorite movie? Forrest Gump
31: Do you get scared easily? No lol
32: How many pets have you own in your lifetime? 5?
33: Blog rate? [You’ll rate the blog of the one who’s asking.] what?
34: What is a color that calms you? Blue
35: Where would you like to travel and/or live? Australia, London
36: Where were you born? LA
37: What is your eye color? Brown
38: Introvert or extrovert? Intro
39: Do you believe in horoscopes and zodiacs? No lol
40: Hugs or kisses? Kisses
41: Who is someone you would like to see/visit right now? Cody
42: Who is someone you love deeply? Cody
43: Any piercings you want? Second ear piercings
44: Do you like tattoos and piercings? Yes
45: Do you smoke or have you eiver done so? Before
46: Talk about your crush, if you have one! He’s pretty great. Been with them for almost 4 years :)
47: What is a sound you really hate? A certain person’s voice
48: A sound you really love? The ocean
49: Can you do a backflip? Not anymore
50: Can you do the splits? If I stretch, yes
51: Favorite actor and/or actress? Natalie Dorner and Ed skrein atm
52: Favorite movie? I already answers this
53: How are you feeling right now? Tired
54: What color would you like your hair to be right now? Half white half Black
55: When did you feel happiest? I think it’s been a while
56: Something that calms you down? Writing or drawing
57: Have any mental disorders? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!] nothing diagnosed
58: What does your URL mean? My world is odd
59: What three words describe you the most? Quiet, contemplative weird
60: Do you believe in evolution? Yes
61: What makes you unfollow a blog? Posting things I don’t like
62: What makes you follow a blog? Posting things I like
63: Favorite kind of person: a genuinely nice person that is honest
64: Favorite animal(s): pandas, otters
65: Name three of your favorite blogs. 🤷🏻♀️
66: Favorite emoticon: 😻
67: Favorite meme: I have too many
68: What is your MBTI personality type? I can’t remember
69: What is your star sign? Uhhh Pisces...?
70: Can your dog roll over on command, if you have a dog? Yes
71: What outfit out of all your clothes do you like to wear the most? A black shirt and jeans with converse
72: Post a selfie or two? No thank you
73: Do you have platform shoes? I do!
74: What is one random but interesting fact about yourself? I can bend my thumb all the way to my arm
75: Can you do a front flip? Not anymore
76: Do you like birds? Sure
77: Do you like to swim? Love it
78: Is swimming or ice skating more fun to you? Swimming for sure
79: Something you wish didn’t exist: not saying
80: Some thing you wish did exist: someone that is no longer here
81: Piercings you have? Just my ears for now
82: Something you really enjoy doing: reading
83: Favorite person to talk to: Cody
84: What was your first impression of Tumblr? I like this site
85: How many followers do you have? Uhh I haven’t looked in a while
86: Can you run a mile within ten minutes? I use. To lol
87: Do your socks always match? Yes
88: Can you touch your toes and keep your legs straight completely? Yes
89: What are your birthstones? Aquamarine
90: If you were an animal, which one would you be? Panda or a cat
91: If a flower could aesthetically represent you, what kind would it be? A rose
92: A store you hate? Hmmm not sure
93: How many cups of coffee can you drink in one day? I don’t
94: Would you rather be able to fly or read minds? Read minds
95: Do you like to wear camo? On occasion
96: Winter or summer? Winter
97: How long can you hold your breath for? About 30-45 seconds
98: Least favorite person? HAHA
99: Someone you look up to: my dad
100: A store you love? Any bookstore lol
101: Favorite type of shoes. Converse
102: Where do you live? In LA
103: Are you a vegetarian or vegan? If so, why? Nope
104: What is your favorite mineral or gem? I don’t have one?
105: Do you drink milk? Yes
106: Do you like bugs? No
107: Do you like spiders? Yes
108: Something you get paranoid about? The future
109: Can you draw: kind of
110: Nosiest question you have ever been asked? How sex was with a person I slept with or how I could stand sleeping next to ex because he snores really loudly. Like freight train loud
111: A question you hate being asked? Who’s the smarter or prettier twin. I usually get that I’m smarter
112: Ever been bitten by a spider? Yes
113: Do you like the sound of waves at the beach? I do
114: Do you prefer cloudy or sunny days? Cloudy
115: Someone you’d like to kiss or cuddle right now: codes
116: Favorite cloud type: what
117: What color do you wish the sky was? Purple
118: Do you have freckles? No
119: Favorite thing about a person: clean hands
120: Fruits or vegetables? Fruits
121: Something you want to do right now: see someone
122: Is the ocean or sky prettier? Ocean
123: Sweet or sour foods? Sour
124: Bright or dim lights? Bright
125: Do you believe in a certain magical creature? Sure
126: Something you hate about Tumblr: 🤷🏻♀️
127: Something you love about Tumblr: 🤷🏻♀️
128: What do you think about the least? Work
129: What would you want written on your tombstone? 🤷🏻♀️
130: Who would you like to punch in the face right now? HA
131: What is something you love but also hate about yourself? My mind
132: Do you smile with your teeth showing for pictures? Yes
133: Computer or TV? Computer
134: Do you like roller coasters? Yes
135: Do you get motion sickness or seasickness? It depends
136: Are your ears lobed or attached? Attached
137: Do you believe in karma? Sure
138: On a scale of 1-10, how attractive would you say you are? Like an 8 on a good day
139: What nicknames do you have/have had? Quite a few
140: Did you have any pretend or imaginary friends? Yes
141: Have you ever seen a therapist/shrink? Yes
142: Would you say you are a good or bad influence to others? Good
143: Do you prefer giving or receiving gifts/help? Both
144: What makes you angry. A lot
145: How many languages do you speak fluently? One
146: Do you prefer boys, girls, and/or non-binaries? I’m bi soooo
147: Are you androgynous? No
148: Favorite physical thing about yourself: my butt lol
149: Favorite thing about your personality: my ability to see the good in everyone even when they’re shitty. Also my least favorite thing about myself
150: Name three people you would like to talk to right now in person. Well my dad, Cody, my grandma
151: If you could go back into time and live in one era, which would you choose? The one rn because I am a minority
152: Do you like BuzzFeed? Sure
153: How did you meet your spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend/partner? [If you have one.] uhh dating app. Technically a football game.
154: Do you like to kiss others’ foreheads or hands for platonic reasons? No
155: Do you like to play with others’ hair? Just codys
156: What embarrasses you? Not a lot
157: Something that makes you nervous/anxious: the future because I can’t really talk about it with anyone without stressing people out. But it helps me feel less anxious so I’m kind of stuck
158: Biggest lie you have ever told: oof
159: How many people are you following? 🤷🏻♀️
160: How many posts do you have on your blog(s)? 🤷🏻♀️
161: How many drafts do you have on your blog(s)?🤷🏻♀️
162: How many likes do you have on your blog(s)?🤷🏻♀️
163: Last time you cried and why: ooh like a few days ago
164: Do you have long or short hair? Short
165: Longest your hair has ever been: to my butt
166: Why do you like, dislike, or have neutral feelings about religon? I don’t want to answer this
167: Do you really care how the universe and world was created? Yes
168: Do you like to wear makeup? Yes
169: Can you stand on your hands or head for more than thirty seconds? No
170: Did you answer the questions you were asked truthfully? Yes
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Essek and caleb for the ask meme!
ESSEK:
Sexuality Headcanon: gay. gay boy
Gender Headcanon: he’s an androgynous bishie prettyboy
A ship I have with said character: shadowgast!
A BROTP I have with said character: i think everyone alive should talk to beau and caduceus more.
A NOTP I have with said character: god are there even any other essek ships beside shadowgast..... [checks ao3] i literally don’t think so. so i guess just a blanket “evil or lesbophobic shit”
A random headcanon: i love the hc where the floating is a mobility aid... i truly do. also i think essek has a pet that lives at his house and lazes around that he dotes on. like how supervillains will have a fluffy persian cat named mipsy. i think he buys it expensive fancy food and designer collars.
General Opinion over said character: whenever nott is like “oh he’s a war criminal” i say SHUT UP RACIST HOMOPHOBE. HE’S DONE NOTHING WRONG. whenever beau is like “he is a war criminal” i say SHE IS RIGHT! TIME FOR YOUR CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT ESSEK CHOP CHOP
CALEB:
Sexuality Headcanon: back in early 2018 when i picked up the show at like ep 20 he was put in the same gay category in my head as a certain teacher werewolf from a book series that i read when i was a child that we need to leave in the past. i was like “oh he’s gay.” but now it’s 2020 and i just had to watch liam be a complete idiot by putting “she” by dodie on the caleb playlist to refer to 33yo caleb’s attraction to a 20yo jester so [sighs deeply] bisexual man
Gender Headcanon: tran sman.
A ship I have with said character: i wish widomauk still mattered i was so into that i had such great times... whenever i remember “the only thing magical in here is you” i still kind of lose my shit a little. but if i am being a modern up-to-date person i simply hope shadowgast gets thrown more crumbs because it is inchresting and gay
A BROTP I have with said character: EMPIRE SIBLINGS!!!!!! EMPIRE SIBLINGSSSSS they’re such incredibly good foils to each other i love them. caleb and beaus interactions are usually the best caleb scenes recently
A NOTP I have with said character: [SIGHS DEEPLY] well i hate wdjst so god damn much because he’s at least 10 years older than her and it’s such a manic tiefling dream girl dynamic and i am a heterophobe. jester deserves so much better. i also cannot stand caleb/nott because she’s just such an awful person - remember when she referred to caleb as her son? lmao. more recently remember when she asked caleb to maybe burn her alive and tried to emotionally manipulate him into agreeing? what the fuck? also why the fuck is she constantly trying to cheat on her husband?
on a much pettier note: w/f is so boring to me they are literally just two men. there is no spark or interest for me between them, they have the most boring dynamic except for occasionally getting each other to act like Even Worse Men. as a lesbian there is zero appeal.
A random headcanon: autistic! frumpkin is always conjured with simply the softest fur because the texture is very important and very soothing to him.
General Opinion over said character: caleb is at his best when he’s being a crazy cat lady over frumpkin or talking to beau. i remember liking him just fine at the beginning of the campaign but his constant straight activity is so offputting to me, it’s really soured me on him so much. stop being creepy about jester and go awkwardly give your cat to people.
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1: How tall or short do you wish you were?
2: What’s your dream pet? (Real or not)
3: Do you have a favorite clothing style?
4: What was your favorite video game growing up?
5: What three things/people do you think of most each day:
6: If you had a warning label, what would yours say?
7: What is your opinion on [insert person/thing here]?
8: What is your Greek personality type? [Sanguine, Phlegmatic, Choleric, or Melancholic]
9: Are you ticklish?
10: Are you allergic to anything?
11: What’s your sexuality?
12: Do you prefer tea, coffee, or cocoa?
13: Are you a cat or dog person?
14: Would you rather be a vampire, elf, or merperson?
15: Do you have a favorite Youtuber?
16: How tall are you?
17: If you had to change your name, what would you change it to?
18: How much do you weigh? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!]
19: Do you believe in ghosts/spirits?
20: Do you like space or the ocean more?
21: Are you religious?
22: Pet peeves?
23: Would you rather be nocturnal or diurnal [opposite of nocturnal]?
24: Favorite constellation?
25: Favorite star?
26: Do you like ball-jointed dolls?
27: Any phobias or fears?
28: Do you think global warming is real?
29: Do you believe in reincarnation?
30: Favorite movie?
31: Do you get scared easily?
32: How many pets have you own in your lifetime?
33: Blog rate? [You’ll rate the blog of the one who’s asking.]
34: What is a color that calms you?
35: Where would you like to travel and/or live?
36: Where were you born?
37: What is your eye color?
38: Introvert or extrovert?
39: Do you believe in horoscopes and zodiacs?
40: Hugs or kisses?
41: Who is someone you would like to see/visit right now?
42: Who is someone you love deeply?
43: Any piercings you want?
44: Do you like tattoos and piercings?
45: Do you smoke or have you eiver done so?
46: Talk about your crush, if you have one!
47: What is a sound you really hate?
48: A sound you really love?
49: Can you do a backflip?
50: Can you do the splits?
51: Favorite actor and/or actress?
52: Favorite movie?
53: How are you feeling right now?
54: What color would you like your hair to be right now?
55: When did you feel happiest?
56: Something that calms you down?
57: Have any mental disorders? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!]
58: What does your URL mean?
59: What three words describe you the most?
60: Do you believe in evolution?
61: What makes you unfollow a blog?
62: What makes you follow a blog?
63: Favorite kind of person:
64: Favorite animal(s):
65: Name three of your favorite blogs.
66: Favorite emoticon:
67: Favorite meme:
68: What is your MBTI personality type?
69: What is your star sign?
70: Can your dog roll over on command, if you have a dog?
71: What outfit out of all your clothes do you like to wear the most?
72: Post a selfie or two?
73: Do you have platform shoes?
74: What is one random but interesting fact about yourself?
75: Can you do a front flip?
76: Do you like birds?
77: Do you like to swim?
78: Is swimming or ice skating more fun to you?
79: Something you wish didn’t exist:
80: Some thing you wish did exist:
81: Piercings you have?
82: Something you really enjoy doing:
83: Favorite person to talk to:
84: What was your first impression of Tumblr?
85: How many followers do you have?
86: Can you run a mile within ten minutes?
87: Do your socks always match?
88: Can you touch your toes and keep your legs straight completely?
89: What are your birthstones?
90: If you were an animal, which one would you be?
91: If a flower could aesthetically represent you, what kind would it be?
92: A store you hate?
93: How many cups of coffee can you drink in one day?
94: Would you rather be able to fly or read minds?
95: Do you like to wear camo?
96: Winter or summer?
97: How long can you hold your breath for?
98: Least favorite person?
99: Someone you look up to:
100: A store you love?
101: Favorite type of shoes
102: Where do you live?
103: Are you a vegetarian or vegan? If so, why?
104: What is your favorite mineral or gem?
105: Do you drink milk?
106: Do you like bugs?
107: Do you like spiders?
108: Something you get paranoid about?
109: Can you draw:
110: Nosiest question you have ever been asked?
111: A question you hate being asked?
112: Ever been bitten by a spider?
113: Do you like the sound of waves at the beach?
114: Do you prefer cloudy or sunny days?
115: Someone you’d like to kiss or cuddle right now:
116: Favorite cloud type:
117: What color do you wish the sky was?
118: Do you have freckles?
119: Favorite thing about a person:
120: Fruits or vegetables?
121: Something you want to do right now:
122: Is the ocean or sky prettier?
123: Sweet or sour foods?
124: Bright or dim lights?
125: Do you believe in a certain magical creature?
126: Something you hate about Tumblr:
127: Something you love about Tumblr:
128: What do you think about the least?
129: What would you want written on your tombstone?
130: Who would you like to punch in the face right now?
131: What is something you love but also hate about yourself?
132: Do you smile with your teeth showing for pictures?
133: Computer or TV?
134: Do you like roller coasters?
135: Do you get motion sickness or seasickness?
136: Are your ears lobed or attached?
137: Do you believe in karma?
138: On a scale of 1-10, how attractive would you say you are?
139: What nicknames do you have/have had?
140: Did you have any pretend or imaginary friends?
141: Have you ever seen a therapist/shrink?
142: Would you say you are a good or bad influence to others?
143: Do you prefer giving or receiving gifts/help?
144: What makes you angry
145: How many languages do you speak fluently?
146: Do you prefer boys, girls, and/or non-binaries?
147: Are you androgynous?
148: Favorite physical thing about yourself:
149: Favorite thing about your personality:
150: Name three people you would like to talk to right now in person.
151: If you could go back into time and live in one era, which would you choose?
152: Do you like BuzzFeed?
153: How did you meet your spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend/partner? [If you have one.]
154: Do you like to kiss others’ foreheads or hands for platonic reasons?
155: Do you like to play with others’ hair?
156: What embarrasses you?
157: Something that makes you nervous/anxious:
158: Biggest lie you have ever told:
159: How many people are you following?
160: How many posts do you have on your blog(s)?
161: How many drafts do you have on your blog(s)?
162: How many likes do you have on your blog(s)?
163: Last time you cried and why:
164: Do you have long or short hair?
165: Longest your hair has ever been:
166: Why do you like, dislike, or have neutral feelings about religon?
167: Do you really care how the universe and world was created?
168: Do you like to wear makeup?
169: Can you stand on your hands or head for more than thirty seconds?
170: Did you answer the questions you were asked truthfully?
1. im ok with my height
2. Australian Shepard
3. not really.is a sweatshirt and leggings a style?
4. wii
5. probably like the 5 people i talk to every day, hamilton, music
6. i thought of like 6 different things..
7. idk you pick something and ill answer it
8. fuck idk
9. YES BUT IF YOU TICKLE ME BE PREPARE TO BE KICKED
10. just pollen
11. straight
12. all three.
13. both
14. mermaid hehe i love swimming
15. no
16. 5′ 7″
17. eliza idk i like my name
18. no
19. nope
20. ocean
21. kinda more like my dad and stepmom are so like i kinda am too. idrk.
22. people umm idk
23. i dont know
24. i dont have one. they all kinda just look like stars to me..
25. ^^
26. wtf is that
27. heights. spiders. snake. most bugs in general. sleeping bags.
28. absoultely
29. no
30. H.A.M.I.L.T.O.N
31. i get startled pretty easily but like actually scared, a little less easly
32.fuck alot. ummm i think 14 not including all the fish ive had
33.well its anon so...
34. idk.
35. new york, paris, austria, irleand,
36. in the same town i have lived in my whole life
37. meduim brown
38. both..
39. naw
40. both
41. my mutals
42. my best friendsssss
43. i want another percing on my ear
44. ig
45. no
46. no thank you :)
47. i hate the sound of things being hit on metal
48. lin manuel mirandas voice <3
49. nope
50.NOPE
51. LIN. MANUEL. MIRANDA.
52. HAMILTON
53. im feeling good
54. the color that it is.....
55. idfk
56. listening for music
57. not that i know of
58. it means elizard hamilton
59. music. friends. art. thats probably not what it meant but idk
60. yes
61. being and asshole
62. hamilton and fanfics, mostly
63. idk what this means
64. DOGS. CATS. PANDAS. MOST ANIMALS.
65.i have wayyyy more than three tho.....
66. idk.
67. i dont have one.
68. i dont know what that is...
69. aquaruis...?
70. no ones old and ones dumb
71. probably my pjs or my london tshirt and jeans/leggings
72. if anyone reminds me i will lol. i doubt anyone will read all of these tho.
73.yes but i dont wear them cause i cant walk in heals
74. idk....
75. fuck no
76. yea
77. YES I LOVE SWIMMING
78. swimmingggg
79. wasps
80. every broadway show ever to be profretionally recorded.
81. i have two in each ear but i rarely wear the bottom one
82. paiting
83.any one of my best friends.
84. memes. depressed people. fandoms
85.166
86. fuck no.
87. nope. like %80 of the time they dont match
88. sometimes
89. amithest.
90. idk
91. daisiessss
92. idfk
93. 0-2
94.read minds
95. ..idk
96. WINTER
97. idk
98. this ass hole i used to be friends with. he was a racist dick and very toxic
99. i d k
100. idk
101. converse
102. Washington
103. No
104. idk
105. yes
106. some
107. nooooo
108. most things lol
109. kinda
110. idk
111. idrk
112. yea but just like tiny spiders
113. yessssssss
114. sunny unless its raining
115. i dont know.
116. i dont fuccking know
117. blue...?
118. i wishhhh
119 personality
120. vegitables
121. watch hamilton
122. sky
123. sweet, i dont like sour things
124. dim
125. no
126. idk
127. my friends <3
128. what does this mean...
129. idfk
130. my brother
131. basically everything about me
132. sometimes but not really.
133. computer
134. FUCK YEA
135. no
136.what?
137. no
138. 6.7
139. ri ri, ri, genie, honey, riles, bitch, eliza, weirdo, trash, riley elizabeth gene (not my name)
140. no
141. once. but i was super awkward and didnt talk the enitre time amd never saw her again. i probably need theriapy
142. good
143. giving
144. racists, terfs, people who are assholes
145. 1
146. boys
147. what is that
148. my eyes :P
149. idk
150. lexi. peggy. alex.
151. early brodway era
152. yes. sometimes its a problem
153. LOL IM SINGLE
154. yess
155. yos. espisally when my friends hate it so i do it to mess with them
156. my family. talking about my life with my family. sharing things i like with my family, talking about who i like.
157. preforming
158. how i met my best friend. its a long story but ill say if anyone wants me to
159. 142
160. 3563
161. 7
162. 4641
163. i dont know
164. long
165. probably now is the longest its been. or like kindergarden lol
166. ?
167. no
168. a little
169. hell naw
170. yea.
HOLY FUCK THAT TOOK SO FUCKING LONG
thank you anon
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I spent about an hour total over several days transcribing this three minute song, so I’d ask that you reblog/read if you can! TW for discussions of sexual harassment and sexual assault, colonization, misogyny, and homophobia. The spoken word parts are written normally, and the sung parts are italicized.
Sometimes when I wake up, Gina, when I walk down the street, go to work, I can’t help but feel like I’m trapped in a collective nightmare, that world in which I am no one, worn down to nothing. I can lose myself in a symphony of despair, stares, white noise, white boys’ drunken stumbling.
You kissed my wrist and my heart just skipped, yeah my jaw near dropped You made my nightmares stop Now waking up is okay, I guess
Except the whole world still wants me dead
Because women and girls are harassed, beaten and raped all over the world, because we’re expected to not just be kind to our oppressors, to love them and to love our oppression, but we are expected and forced to pretend that sexism is natural or nonexistent or that feminism is universalizing.
How do you do it? You spit back every time, you make me laugh, you make construction men cry
You’re not afraid of anything, you’re one badass little punk rock dyke
The whole world wants me dead too, and you. We’ve nursed each other, tended the rage, joy, the spaces between us, interjecting internal dialogues of doubt, despair. I scribble and scream, you sing, try to dream. And here’s the thing:
Do you ever stop and think of me? I think of you when I write graffiti
I think of you when I’m feeling needy, when some man harasses me
If you’re on the streets, that’s where I’ll be
George Bush learned one person at a time that people don’t matter, that women don’t matter, that queers don’t matter, that the poor never mattered, that whole countries just don’t matter. So when I walk down the street, I know what terror really is, how it came to be, and how it lives.
How do you do it? You spit back every time, you make me laugh, you make construction men cry
You’re not afraid of anything, and you’re mine
How do you do it? You spit back every time, you get me wet, you bleed me dry You’re one badass little punk rock dyke
Because I believe it is imperative that we as feminists take the time to learn the history of feminism and feminist movements, to study patriarchy as it plays out daily, to look for the ways that sexism has shaped our movements and continues to influence us. Because I believe that we are asked to be kind, respectful and loving, generous towards people who are trying to kill us, knife in hand. Because I believe that we need to be on guard, because men on the streets, and the courts and the radio and the television...
If you ever leave I’ll be alone
I’ll want to hide at home
But if I could just know that you’re okay out there
I’ll be alone but I won’t be scared
My shoulders and soul squared against each man, every Bush minus the money, any boy who thinks it’s funny, sexy, sweet, or fucking friendly to practice or execute his power over people, women, queers, countries, on my body. You see, G, we know that domination can be resisted or assisted by our protest or rage or by a silence we stage, that little bombs drop over Brooklyn and Queens and the Lower East Side all the fucking time, that some men will equate power with the ability to shower those bigger bombs that fall on some less powerful man’s country. With each hiss, every “Hey miss, c’mere baby” through tongues, through fingers, through men’s eyes lingering on women’s bodies too fucking long and all fucking wrong. And I know that I matter. That you matter. That women matter. No matter what anyone else says, or doesn’t say, and hey— I’ll never shut up, if you never do too.
How do you do it? You spit back every time, you make me laugh, you make construction men cry
You’re not afraid of anything and you’re mine
How do you do it? You spit back every time, you get me wet, you bleed me fuckin dry
You’re one badass little punk rock dyke
#feminism#feminist art#gina young#riot grrl#spoken word#d slur#rape mention#misogyny#homophobia#lesbophobia
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Lgbt manga pt.1
If you had to put up with my sorry ass for a few years then yes you know that I have been searching for lgbt mangas!! I put up with the pain of going through most genres that sexualize/fetishize gender identities and sexualities (like yaoi and gender bender) and reading mangas to find if they have lgbt content so you dont have to suffer the pain of trying to! Clown on this post and please face my wrath
Keep in mind that these aren’t in order of ratings!! Its just a list. I also give summaries of the plot, the things that make it lgbt, and some content warnings!!
1. Welcome to Room #305! by Wanan
Kim Jung Hyun moves into an apartment (room #305) with a friend of a friend, named Kim Homo! Who (you guessed it) is gay! As Jung Hyung begins to live with Kim Homo, he slowly learns to accept him for his sexuality. Once he overcomes his homophobia and completely accepts him for who he is, other lgbt characters pop in too!! They all have their struggles with their identities, and it is very realistic, but the art style helps keep all that angst at bay! As far as english translations go, we have several lesbian characters, and a trans guy. You can read the english translation on several manga sites, but if you want the link to the original since this is a webcomic, here’s the [link]! Unfortunately english updates are very slow since translation teams have other projects, and legal companies who translate take their sweet precious time.
2. Bokura no Hentai by Fumiko Fumi
The title might seem misleading, however it can be translated as “Our Transformation”! Buckle up buttercup cause this manga will fuck you over emotionally. Three crossdressers meet up after being in a crossdressing group, with different reasons as to why they crossdress. Parou crossdresses to fall in love with a straight guy, Marika is actually a trans woman, and Yui crossdresses as his dead sister to “help” his mother with her grieving. There are some other characters who don’t fit within the gender norms!
Now let me tell you if you are dealing with some trauma and can’t handle very sensitive topics, this manga might not be the one for you. Although it isnt just homophobia and transphobia, it also contains content of sexual harrassment, pedophilia, and suicide. However these topics are not glorified or sexualized. They are trauma of some of the characters and they must learn how to overcome from it individually. However, there is a happy ending for them!! Please let that be known! I enjoyed reading it if sobbing your heart out counts as enjoying it, because it has indeed pulled my heart strings (although I am not a trans woman, I am a trans guy and I can identify with only some of the things Marika goes through, as trans women go through different experiences than trans men and have it harder on them.)
3. Hourou Musuko (Wandering Son) by Takako Shimura
This manga is one of the most well known mangas realistically depicting trans identity. It became popular when an anime adaptation came out! However the anime adaptation only covers the middle school part of our protagonists lives, however it encourages you to read the manga to find out what happens to them and their life! We have two protagonists. Shuichi who identifies as a girl, and Yoshino who identifies as a boy. Shuichi is the primary protagonist while Yoshino serves as a secondary protagonist.
This manga also realistically depicts how hard it is for transfeminine people to come out and be themselves while transmasculine people seem to have it easier (dont clown on this dear fuck). We have lesbian, gay, and genderfluid characters galore! Although they do have some touchy topics like transmisogyny and transphobia in general, it is less heavier than Bokura no Hentai.
Some people might not like the outcome of this story when it comes to Yoshino, however I am content with it because it shows that people should be able to explore their gender identity, and they are welcome to change it anytime as they see fit. Sometimes you won’t figure out your identity if you don’t explore.
4. Shimanami Tasagore / Our Dreams at Dusk by Yuhki Kamatani
Also one of the more well known ones, the mangaka of this beautiful story is X-gender and asexual! It follows the protagonist, Tasuku is contemplating suicide as rumors circulate that he is gay at his highschool (he is). He sees a woman jumping off a building nearby and runs to her aid. Her name is Anonymous/Somebody and she sees herself is asexual but other than that she does not like labels, she invites Tasuku inside the building she just jumped off, which contains a group of exclusively lgbt characters.
We have both trans, lesbian, and gay people. We see their struggles. We see how they overcome it. We see how even we ourselves can harm others even if we’re both lgbt. Of course there is homohpobia, transphobia, etc. however it is all handled perfectly and we get the satisfaction of these characters speaking up for either themselves or for each other. I also love Anonymous simply because she doesn’t like labels and chooses not to use them (excluding the asexual part). Not everyone whos part of the lgbt community has a label, however they are still a part of us!
5. Fukakai na boku no subete o (Fukaboku)/ Love me for who I am by Konayama Kata
Fukaboku is a very special manga to me, as it goes in depth on gender identity and sexuality. There are two protagonists, Tetsu who is a cis guy and supposedly straight (we later find out that he is not), and Mogumo, who is both intersex and nonbinary.
Tetsu works as a chef at Question Cafe, and everyone employed in fanlations are called girlyboys, however in the official translation they use otokonoko which is anyone crossdressing as a girl regardless of their gender. There are plenty of transwomen, gay people, etc.! Tetsu falls in love with Mogumo, so he isn’t straight, however he isn’t explicitly gay because he recognizes Mogumo as what they identify as, nonbinary. It is safe to say that he could either be pan, bi, omni, etc. however we can’t confirm since it hasn’t been explicitly stated.
We learn how transfeminine people have certain struggles, like shoes that dont fit them, breasts, and voice feminization. We also have a dose of family struggles when it comes to Mogumo in later/current chapters.
Before you dm me, yes. Yes I know about the shit prequel. The prequel actually features a gay couple in fukaboku. I have read it. Reluctantly even if it was only 24 pages. However just because the prequel is shit does not mean we should cancel Fukaboku. There is a thing called being critical of the content you’re enjoying. If we treated it like cancel y because of x, then things like persona 4 and danganronpa would be cancelled, but lets not get into that.
6. Kanojo ni Naritai Kimi to Boku by Umi Takase
I haven’t heard of this one as much as I have the others, so I was very much pleased when I heard about this! There are two protagonist (yes there are a lot of lgbt mangas with two protags I’ve noticed too), Hime and Akira. Hime has a crush on Akira, who identifies as a girl. However this manga is also realistic, as Akira doesn’t fully ‘pass’ as a girl herself. Hime wants to do anything she can to help Akira feel comfortable on her first day of school wearing a girl’s uniform. Because of Akira being made fun of, Hime shows up to school in Akira’s male uniform to help Akira in solidarity.
Their teachers are fully aware of Akira’s situation, however instead of discriminating her they accept her. Their homeroom teacher helps Hime overcome her internal problem about lashing out at others who try to befriend Akira, and she slowly realizes that just because people can’t accept Akira straight away, they will slowly get used to her and come to terms with the fact that Akira is trans in their own time rather than have it being forced on them.
Hime and Akira make friends slowly and we see that even little things (like calling Akira cute and/or a girl) helps Akira, even if theyre small things we dont usually notice. Hime also struggles with her crush as she sees Akira as a girl, yet she cant accept the fact that shes attracted to girls.
Although Akira doesnt feel the same way as Hime does, she doesnt just like her as a friend, but also not as a lover either. Its safe to say that these two have a quasiplatonic relationship with each other.
7. Yuzu no Koto by Arai Shou
I have noticed that there are plenty of mangas with transfeminine characters as the focus, rather than transmasculine, so heres one for the transmasculines! Ichigo’s best friend Yuzu comes back to school, however he is enrolling as a boy! It is very humorous as Ichigo tries to understand and get used to her best friend’s new identity. Although it is slow as each chapter is a single page, it is hinted that Yuzu has a crush on Ichigo (or if thats just me squinting really hard).
8. Ohana Holoholo by Torino Shino
It is a story about two bi women who are ex-girlfriends, raising one of the women’s baby together as a little family! There is also an idol/actor who helps them out and visits them occassionally! If you want something warming and wholesome, this is the manga for you!!
9. My Androgynous Boyfriend by Tamekou
Wako, a woman who works for a publishing company is in a relationship with an androgynous/genderless man! Her boyfriend wears dresses, makeup, and is an instagram model! It is not necessarily treated as crossdressing. It is handled pretty well, and the chemistry between Wako and her boyfriend is very strong. They both love each other so much and help each other with their hobbies and interests. This is what a loving and healthy relationship is supposed to look like!!
10. Inside Mari by Shuzo Oshimi
It is debatable if this is actually considered lgbt, considered the circumstances, however I put it on this list because it shows how mental illnesses and disorders really feel to the person whos suffering from it. Please read throughout this whole section to understand why.
Inside Mari is about a man named Isao who stalks this young girl named Mari. He follows her back outside of a little convenience store, but when she turns back and looks at him he wakes up inside her body and doesn’t know how to cope with it. He tries to find Mari while putting on a facade and living as her. He meets a girl named Yori who instantly recognizes that Isao isn’t actually Mari from his mannerisms. This girl has had a crush on Mari, just like Isao. Isao tries to prove to Yori that he switched bodies, and when he goes to his apartment, he finds someone living as him, but it isn’t Mari.
The more we delve into this manga, the more we figure out exactly what happened to Mari and Isao. As Isao and Yori visit and retrace his steps, Isao gets flashbacks to memories of Mari. Isao soon realizes that he isn’t actually the real Isao, but a introject of Isao, and that Mari actually has DID because of childhood trauma. The ending is bittersweet, as Mari comes back but Isao unfortunately becomes dormant/disappears since I don’t think what happened was them merging.
11. Seibetsu "Mona Lisa" No Kimi He by Yoshimura Tsumuji
In the world, people can choose what gender they want to be when they’re 12. When they’re 14 their appearance corresponds to their gender. Hinase however, is 18 years old and they still haven’t chosen a gender. They prefer to be neither. However when their two best friends suddenly confess to them, their hormonal development suddenly starts to increase.
Imagery and symbolism is very clear in this manga!! As we revolve around the color blue/cyan and the debate and interpretations of Mona Lisa’s gender. I’m very hopeful that Hinase will stay as nonbinary rather than choosing a gender, simply because both of their best friends confessed and asked them to become the opposite gender to be with them. It is very much hinted that Hinase will be in a romantic relationship with their male best friend however. I love this manga simply because the protagonist doesn’t want to identify as either male nor female.
12. Jun And Kaoru: Pure And Fragrant by Neiki Zui
Jun and Kaoru have a special condition, by midnight they both switch genders. Because they both have this condition, they hang out with each other and help each other with clothing, etc. It should be addressed that these two do not have the “I wish to be a girl/boy” etc. The problem that they have though is their growing crush on each other. They are either genderqueer, or genderfluid, or whatever you prefer since it isn’t directly stated within the manga. They’re not cis or straight! It is a very fun and comedic love story and I wish to see further updates on it!!!
13. Sakura-Chan to Amane-Kun by Asazuki Norito
This story revolves around Sakura who identifies as a girl and Amane who identifies as a boy. Amane spots Sakura dressed as a girl and instantly recognizes her, however instead of belittling her he asks her out on a date, only if she goes as a girl. During school however, they have to pretend to be the gender theyre assigned with while not interacting with each other.
Since there is a lot more but I dont want to break tumblr, I will be making a part 2 and I’ll post it tomorrow!
#lgbt#lgbt manga#manga#lgbtq#lgbtq manga#trans#gay#my post#long post#i enjoy doing stuff like this#prolly because its how i found out i was bigender
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A Letter for Parents from a Parent
Dear Parent,
If you are reading this you are most likely trying to be a good parent in an extremely confusing situation and are probably getting lots of conflicting information. You are doing the right thing and can get through this.
I am not an “expert.” I am a father of five and a private music and martial arts teacher who deals with many kids. I grew up in a family with several bisexual individuals and I’ve dealt with these issues directly and indirectly all of my life.
Take a deep breath. Read slowly. You may need to read a little bit at a time and walk away to think. You may be reading this because you suspect, or have discovered, that your child is bisexual, or because your child or someone else has told you so. (Do not assume anything about your loved one based on someone else.) If your child has spoken to you, be understanding and provide a safe, accepting atmosphere. If your child has not, create an atmosphere in which he or she can do so when ready.
By bisexuality, I simply mean the physical and/or emotional attraction to both males and females. Most people who identify as bisexual consider it an independent sexual orientation, not a subset of other more widely-recognized categories. Don’t think of bisexuality as a little bit gay (homosexual) and a little bit straight (heterosexual) but as its own orientation with its own characteristics. People often ask why anyone would choose to be gay or bi (shorthand for bisexual). Most people do not feel that their sexual orientation is a choice; you probably don’t. Our best course of action is to respect the identity of our family and friends, assuming nothing.
I have no clue how many people experience bisexuality or identify as bisexuals. From what I’ve read experts don’t know either; estimates range from only a few to a whole lot of people. The fact is that scientists define bisexuality in many ways. Until they can agree on a definition, these studies are just good ways to spend grant money.
Some bi people are out and open about their sexuality, but many are in the closet (hiding their sexuality), mainly for fear of familial, spiritual and social rejection. Imagine how hard that must be. A bi person—especially a young one—often feels alone, but as a parent, you can help your child find safe ways to discover that he or she is not.
Some bi folks have an almost balanced attraction to the genders, while others prefer one gender and are only occasionally attracted to the other, or have a shifting preference. Some people shift their sexual identity and may have long periods where they identify as straight, bi, or gay. Other people drop labels altogether.
What you have done as a parent has not made your child bisexual, but what you do as a parent can contribute to how comfortable and healthy your child is. There isn’t a cure since it isn’t a disorder, but some people will assure you that it can be cured or is just a phase. That phase thing is confusing, because some people have felt some bisexual tendencies and then gone on to assume a completely homo- or heterosexual identity. This doesn’t mean that everyone who experiences bisexual feelings will. It only means some people experience bisexual feelings that they may or may never act on and identify as gay or straight. Other people live a perfectly happy life identifying as bisexual with feelings that they may or may never act on. Many bisexual men and women have happy monogamous relationships, while some bi people prefer more alternative relationship styles. There are no rules in this area, so I can’t tell you what to expect.
You may have some phases of your own. People finding out that their child is bisexual have been known to experience anger, disbelief, denial, grief – and pretty much every other unpleasant emotion – and some pleasant ones. I can’t tell you what you are feeling, will feel, or should feel. If at any time you or your child are uncomfortable with what you feel, talk to a friend or a professional. There are also support groups.
It may help a lot to talk to your child, who will know more about their feelings than all of the websites, books, and experts out there. You could even help each other through your mutual concerns. If you don’t know how your child feels, tell them so and ask. You may want to consider sharing with your child any bisexual feelings or experiences that you may have had.
As far as letting others—even another parent—know, your child should decide who will know and when, even if it puts you in an awkward situation. Ultimately each person must decide how out he or she wants to be and as loved ones we should respect that. Some people are out in a very “we’re here, we’re queer” way (queer has been adopted by many people with non-mainstream sexual or gender identities) and wear the t-shirt, while others are less expressive.
Sexuality differences also make for social safety issues. Like it or not, kids experiment, so you might consider ensuring that your child has a safe place to bring a date even if you have to stretch your own comfort level. Nobody wants a late night call from an angry parent who just found your child making out with theirs. Trust me: It is far worse when the children are the same sex and this was the first inkling that the other parent had. When straight kids are caught making out in the back seat of a car or in an empty gym, cops, teachers and security guards handle it with one approach; but when those kids are of the same sex, hurtful things are often said or done—sometimes even dangerous things. An ounce of prevention can save a lot of embarrassment and harm.
The scariest thing for me is the suicide rate among gay and bisexual young people. I watched one of my children die at birth and I will do anything to never see that happen again. If that means that I have to get over any of my own issues I will, and I have. Suicide is preventable. Be there for your kid even if you are confused. Don’t be silent because you are afraid that you might say the wrong thing. Bisexuals, especially young bisexual men from the age of fifteen to twenty-five years of age, take their own lives at an alarming rate. Don’t let it happen in your family.
As you look around, you may notice that bisexuality is not very visible in our culture. Given how many experience bisexuality or bisexual feelings at some time, you would expect more. But as a culture, we tend to think in terms of a hetero- and homosexual duality; bisexuality just doesn’t come up and isn’t considered in legal, educational, social and health areas. Some groups have also had specific political agendas to exclude bisexuals and have made an effort to institutionalize biphobia (fear of bisexuals) within our culture. This context has a lot to do with a person’s choice to be out about their bisexuality or to stay in the closet, which makes it rude and even harmful to “out” someone (inappropriately inform others about someone else’s sexual identity).
Another common misconception about bisexuals or any LGBT (lesbian, gay, bi, and transgender) individuals is the issue of promiscuity. Just because your child has a non-straight sexuality or gender identity does not make him or her any more promiscuous than straight kids. And yes, your son or daughter may know his or her sexual orientation and still be a virgin. Your child’s sexual orientation doesn’t matter: You need to talk to him or her about safer sex. If you haven’t, you should be researching that and talking to your child.
You may also be wondering about gender roles and gender identity. Simply put, “Is my son going to start acting like a girl?” “Is my daughter going to start acting like a boy? What should I do?” Do nothing yet, because you may be confused. Gender identity is how a person identifies their own gender and leads to what gender role they fill through behavior. Most bi people maintain their birth gender identity and the accompanying social gender role. People who are shifting their gender identity away from their birth gender and behaving according to the social roles of the non-birth gender are transgender; this is not linked to homo- or bisexuality. A transperson may be bi, gay or straight. But as a good parent, you may want to explain this detail to your child, because he or she might think there is a certain way they’re supposed to act, such as queeny (stereotypical Hollywood character idea of effeminate gay), butch (stereotypical masculine dyke image) or even androgynous (displaying gender role elements from both masculine and feminine social images—the classic rock star stereotype). Your child is allowed to be as feminine or masculine as he or she feels. And those feelings may change with time.
Bisexuality as an identity was identified by name in the 1800s, though we know that it has been around since Sappho and Alexander the Great. In the last few decades it has strengthened socially. There was an unfortunate time when there was tension between bisexuals and the gay and lesbian community. You will run across remnants, but those wounds continue to heal. In recent years, there has been a lot of growth toward community. There are now organizations, such as PFLAG, to help bisexuals and their families.
By reading this you are doing what every parent of every GLBT child should be doing: learning and trying. As long as you are willing to keep learning and trying, you will ultimately get it right. You will make mistakes, but you can fix them. Love your child, not your bisexual child. Love your child who is a person who feels and loves and hates and hurts and dreams and wonders, and who happens to be bisexual.
Sincerely,
Robert L. Barton
#bi#bisexuality#support bisexuality#lgbtq#bisexual rights#bisexual#i am bisexual#bisexual community#coming out as bisexual#support bisexual people#bisexual youth#bisexual kids#bisexual parents#talking about bisexuality with parents#bisexual pride#parents#coming out to parents#coming out#bisexual nation#bisexual child#bisexual children#support bisexual men#dear parents#lgbtq community
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BTS 365 Prompts
[Masterlist] Please tag me in your work if you use my prompts. I want to see your work. Ever your Jester.
Tell me your birthday and I will tag you on your special day!
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February 5th - 11th
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Kim Seokjin: Duck
“Can I come in?” Jin asked his voice seemed adenoidal as he shuffled back and forth his coat was too big seemingly impossible to lower his arms to his sides properly. He sniffed his breath visible in the cold air like a dragon. “Ya, can I come in?”
A head popped out of the window, looking down at your friend rolling your eyes “hold up I am cleaning up?” Throwing something’s around hiding all the embarrassing things stored in the small space. Shaking out the blanket you found in the cupboard and laying it out on the floor.“Okay you can come up…”
“Oh! make sure to-” A loud thump and a groan Jin crawled into the tree house clutching his head. “Duck”
You really liked him the words dying on your lips as he whined, it took a bit of reassurance that his face looked good before he settled. Not two seconds unattended and he found your diary, confessing you had fallen in love with a handsome guy from class.
Min Yoongi: Work Naked
Yoongi sat in the Genius Lab, he had stepped out of the and had to record, so here he sat in a towel. Well he was in a towel until the damp fabric became rather annoying and he threw it over the back of the chair. He sat for over an hour and a half working headphones on mixing the sounds and scribbling lyrics. Checking his phone he had an hour before they had a tv appearance.
Now being the BTS manager was a difficult job, you wouldn’t deny it. There was just something about when you did your job well. When they through you those smiles at the end of the day, performance or shoot. It was so rewarding to be apart of it all. You arrived early wanting to keep them humble, you wouldn’t have BTS be called late or Diva’s.
Everyone was washed and dressed ready to head to set for hair and makeup, except the resident snail min. Throwing the door open to the studio, he looked at you like a teenage boy caught doing something naughty, hunching over. The boys in the living room heard a very impressive falsetto “Why are you naked!”
Jung Hoseok: Card
“y/n, I heard you were transferring schools” he caught you before you left the school grounds, you were classmates and had worked on a small number of group projects together. He was everyone’s friend so you didn’t expect him to approach you nor give you such a meaningful goodbye card. You added each other on social media and though you saw everything that happened in his life neither of you reached out to one another.
Ten years seemed like forever, you were dressed up outside the old school gymnasium the reunion was all anyone could talk about. Wasting no time you went inside and started mingling when were tripped by one of the popular girls from school. You fell your purse upending and your phone lipstick, the invitation and the little card spilled out.
“Let me help you?” His voice was just as you remembered but slightly deepened from the childlike sound into a beautiful young man’s tenor. He stopped his hand on the card and he smiled “y/n? You look so different but it is you, I remember those pretty eyes”
Kim Namjoon: Rich
Namjoon had money, he had fame he had everything but someone to share it with. He was surfing the internet when he saw a video on Instagram about a sugar-baby. They were cute very androgynous features and a sweet and innocent image. He sent a message and was surprised when he received a message back, within the hour they were meeting for coffee. He sat with them awkwardly and with a few probing questions he was opening himself like a book.
You were so understanding and the two of you started hanging out he would buy you so many things, he listened to your interests and spoiled you and you gave him attention. Your one rule was kissing and heavy petting only. One night however things were getting heated and you were lost in the emotions he made you feel loved for the first time in a long time.
Until the next morning, you woke up beside a note saying he had to leave for work early and a pile of money on the pillow. You felt your heart break as you left it untouched packed up all your things and left.
Park Jimin: Toothache
“Doctor Park, your next patient miss y/n is ready when you are” The receptionist Kim Taehyung smiled leading you into the room and getting you ready on the chair. The Dentist Mister Park rolled over on his little wheelie stool and shook your hand. He asked you about the problem and gave you a disarming smile while you explained. He told you he had to remove your last wisdom tooth as you had all expected and accounted for with the appointment. The anesthetist Kim Seokjin was your regular specialist he gave you the anesthetic and they covered your eyes as you were supposed to fall asleep.
Doctor Kim was your specialist doctor as you had a rare ability known as anesthesia awareness where you were conscious but you could never feel the pain. He knew how to read your charts and very small hints to how your body and mind were coping, so he knew if you at any point started to feel anything. The Dentist and the assistant started talking about how pretty you were and you heard Seokjin laughing from the top of the bed. He told them at the end of the procedure right before they were suppose to wake you up to explain your condition and that you heard and would remember everything they had said.
Kim Taehyung: Submarine @adorechim
Kim Taehyung sat in the control room he was in charge of visuals in the navigation team, two of his partners included, Johnny on his right, who was watching both the biological and mechanical radar, looking out for any big sea life or enemy subs. On his left was a young man named Mark who was watching an echolocation meter which sent out frequencies and gave him numbers that told him the distance of absolutely everything surrounding the ship.
He had a hands free pair of goggles that played images from around the ship, he had a clicker that could switch cameras around the ship if needed. He was lucky he didn’t look at spinning green radars or flickering numbers. He saw the depths of the ocean which were beautiful but as much as he was better off he was also worse off. Sometimes he saw absolutely horrifying footage.
They were stopped for the evening everyone was finishing their checks and switching over, when he saw something that made his heart race. He saw something that looked almost human.
He froze shaking as he saw a hand grab the camera and turn it. He shut his eyes and felt himself being shaken and he ripped off the goggles, Johnny and Mark said he was snoring must have fallen asleep and the computer said that the camera was bumped by debris. He laughed telling them a dream about the hand and they laughed it off. “You gotta fix it?”
Taehyung got into the escape pod and depressurized from the ship and he steered it to his equipment, this was his work so it made sense that he would fix it but every speck of dust had him looking over his shoulder. The dream felt so real, too real, he used the mechanical arms to straighten the camera and reattach it securely to the Submarine his radio buzzed in his ear.
“Hey Tae, you gotta come back, Tae we watched the video there was a hand, You gotta come back Tae it’s still out there, we thought it was a shark but its not, it’s circling the Sub and it’s coming straight for you.”
Marks voice cut out as the line went dead.
Jeon Jungkook: War of Ramyeon
He was in his first year of Uni with an athletic scholarship and he lived in an apartment with a stranger, she seemed to never leave her room during the day and would work long hours of the night. There was an unspoken war going on, strongly worded post it notes depicting things that were annoying them. Jungkook woke to a note that asked him to only vacuum on the weekend as you worked the graveyard shift. He left one last week that asked her to stop stealing his ramyeon, when she ran out of food. When it came to Ramyeon there was nothing that Jungkook took more seriously. She scolded him for leaving his washing in the machine and he berated her for dirty dishes in the sink.
It was one Ramyeon too many and he decided he wouldn’t play fare. He started vacuuming and cleaning the whole house doing his washing and hanging it up enjoying the freedom to do everything he needed during daylight hours. He didn’t feel guilty until you stumbled home from the room work the next morning looking absolutely pale, eyes red and a dark shadow under each eye. You stripped in the doorway out of your work uniform and went to throw it in the wash and saw his clothes sitting at the bottom of the machine.
Reaching in with no mercy you threw it onto the floor looking him dead in the eyes. He had never heard your voice but it was low as you spoke. “I understand it feels restricting to be limited during the day time, but not all of us have a scholarship Jungkook” you sat waiting for the washing machine to finish to hang it out.
Next Week
#bangtan#bangtan sonyeondan#bangtan seonnyeondan#bts#bts immagine#bts x reader#kim namjoon#kim seokjin#min yoongi#jung hoseok#park jimin#kim taehyung#jeon jungkook#jin x reader#suga x reader#jhope x reader#namjoon x reader#jimin x reader#taehyung x reader#jungkook x reader#bts prompts#bts birthday#BTS365Prompts#Jin x reader smut#suga x reader smut#jhope x reader smut#namjoon x reader smut#jimin x reader smut#taehyung x reader smut#jungkook x reader smut
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Hi. Just want to thank you for being open about your experiences. Seeing your posts is part of what made me think about whether I’m actually cis or not. Idk what to call myself because I never questioned myself until now, mostly because I’ve always been called a pretty girl (sorry that that sounds arrogant) and figured that’s what I should be. But recently I started thinking about things I did as a kid or even stories I wrote. And I realized that before I even I guess knew the pressures of (1/4)
Hey Anon! I’m going to put my response to you under a cut, because it’s quite long, but I hope it might help and be of some use to you on your journey with your gender.
I think the most useful thing a friend has ever told me when it came to gender is that “Cis people don’t really think about it.” Cis women don’t typically sit and yearn or dream of being a different gender, wearing a different gender’s clothes with a different gender’s body. If you’re worrying or even considering that the gender you were assigned at birth might not be the gender you truly are - I think that’s something worthy of giving some space and putting some time into in order to explore and discover the different parts of yourself.
If you do all that exploration and internal reflection and decide in the end, that you really are cis after all - then at least you reaffirmed it for yourself and maybe learned some new things about yourself along the way that can lead to greater creativity and self-expression. But if you realise you’re not cis, you can start walking down a path to even more self-acceptance and self-discovery.
When it comes to gender dysphoria and whether or not you may have it, I would say that sometimes people have set notions on what gender dysphoria is and completely miss that they’ve been experiencing it at all. There’s actually different types of gender dysphoria and different folks experience them in different ways (or not at all. For example, someone might feel physically dysphoric but not socially or vice versa). I would also try to look out for instances of gender euphoria, which can also be a telling sign.
In my personal experience, I didn’t know being nonbinary was an even option until just a few years ago. After that, I still doubted my gender, because when it came to dysphoria, literally all the stories I’d ever heard were ones where trans folks were so powerfully dysphoric that living life as their assigned birth gender was absolutely unbearable.
Because I’d never heard anything different, I thought that being in a constant, state of overwhelming suffering was mandatory part of the trans experience before you transition and that if you weren’t utterly miserable, depressed, or suicidal as a pre-transition trans person, it meant you were cis. Period. I had no idea at the time that dysphoria can actually come in different forms (social and physical) and can come in varying degrees of strength.
This youtube video is the best way I’ve ever heard someone describe how I personally also have experienced gender dysphoria, which is as an ever present ‘hum’. Background noise that is so constant that you start to not hear it anymore, because it’s always there. Being referred to by she/her pronouns didn’t really bug me (though that’s changed now if I can tell someone’s intentionally trying to misgender me). I don’t HATE my body. I just feel a little awkward about it and don’t really like looking at it all that much - but I thought that was kinda normal for anyone who wasn’t a super model. I hated most women’s clothing for most of my life, but I just kinda thought I just didn’t like fashion. I could live as a woman if I had to, even if I sometimes found myself wishing and dreaming (both figuratively and literally) I was a tall handsome man instead.
Meanwhile, just like that video above also describes: gender euphoria was like a bell. This bright, short-lived flash of happiness and joy. Every time someone referred to me as he/his OOC, I felt this burst of happiness and excitement. Every time I saw pictures online of androgynous people or women that could dress so masculinely people mistook them for men, I felt a joyful rush. (The Kpop singer Amber had me obsessed for weeks. I thought I had a crush on her, until I realised I straight up wished I could BE her, because so many people mistook her for a boy in a girl’s band.)
There were several times in the past where I low-key avoided telling people what my gender was IRL when I played as male characters in other games, because I wanted to spend just a little more time getting to enjoy people calling me by male pronouns OOC. And when I was a young teenager RPing male characters, I straight up lied to my RP buddy and told them I was a boy, crafting this whole other persona of this tall, handsome male version of myself. I liked being seen as a boy so much that I didn’t want to ruin the illusion of it.
Unfortunately, this backfired when this RP buddy and I became very close and they eventually wanted to visit me IRL. I spent hours trying on my brother’s clothes, and then burst into tears, because my body was all wrong and I just could not pass as male at all. It was the strongest gender dysphoria I’d ever felt in my life.
I feel like that should probably have been the moment I realised I wasn’t quite cis, but I didn’t even know what ‘transgender’ or ‘nonbinary’ was at that time. And even when I did learn it was a thing, living as a girl/woman wasn’t CONSTANT SUSTAINED SUFFERING to me, so the thought that I might not be cis didn’t even register.
It was instead the repeated, consistent bursts of gender euphoria over the years that eventually made me question myself and my gender. Noticing again and again how much more ecstatic and joyful I felt when seeing people who were visibly genderqueer or when people referred to me by he/him pronouns or just thought I was a man, really hit home.
Unfortunately, people don’t really talk about gender euphoria very much at all when it comes to the trans experience, just about the suffering. Even now, I still sometimes get hit with bursts of “but is it really enough? have I suffered enough to earn this label? Am I a ‘transtrender’?” Sometimes the joy and happiness at being gendered correctly is also a really good sign.
The funny thing is, once I realised I wasn’t a cis woman, I was able to re-examine traditionally feminine things see how I felt about them. Like I mentioned in another post, I used to HATE and feel frustrated by make-up. Now I love it and deeply enjoy it now that I feel like it’s about my own self-expression instead of me doing something because it’s what women are supposed to do. I discovered I love long, elaborate earrings and want to wear those things regularly While I generally prefer more androgynous clothing, there are a few very feminine pieces of clothing I really like (and some that make me so dysphoric I yeeted them into the trash).
On the flipside, I also found out I really, really fucking love suits and want to look and feel powerful in one. I want several masculine-cut vests, and ties as soon as I find ones I like that actually fit me. I love anything that minimizes the existence of my boobs and want to fine more masculine footwear (though that’s hard, because I have tiny feet). I tossed most of my bras out and replaced them with bralettes. And I love blending the masculine and feminine together. I was ecstatic when a friend told me that I achieved Peak Gender Confusion Inducement with my new haircut. Seeing Billly Porter in his gown + tuxedo jacket combo made my heart fucking sing.
I feel really free and empowered to be more myself than I have in a long time. And I hope, if anything else, your exploration helps you find that in yourself too regardless of what your gender winds up being in the end.
Hope this helps! Sorry this was so long.
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HEAVEN AND EARTH, scene 1
“It came to pass … that the Creations of Jehovah saw that the Mortal Daughters were comely, thus they took love from all which they desired.” ~ Genesis.
“Woman wailing for her demon lover.” ~ Coleridge.
After Lord Byron.
SCENE I.
Midnight on an oaken and cragged hill near Mount Ararat.
[Enter Anahit and Lusine.]
ANAHIT
Let the menfolk sleep. It is the hour when they who love us most descend through the dark clouds that lord over Ararat … how my heart beats!
LUSINE
Let us proceed upon our invocation.
ANAHIT
The sky is black. The stars are hidden. I shiver.
LUSINE
So do I, but not with fear.
ANAHIT
Sister, I love Azaziel, too, more than – ai ai ai, too much! What was I going to say? Goosebumps appear each time my heart grows lascivious.
LUSINE
Where is the unrighteousness in loving a celestial soul?
ANAHIT
But, Lusine, dear Lusine, my Lusine, I think I love Jehovah less now that his flesh-bound mystery loves me more. This cannot be good, though I know I'm not wrong to love how I love.
LUSINE
Cannot be good? What would you do instead? Marry some boor of a man who'd have you toil and spin into an early grave? There’s old man Noah's boy, Japhet. Girl, I've seen the way he looks at you. Marry him, sister, and you will bring forth nothing but dust into this world.
ANAHIT
I do not care what form Azaziel takes. If it appeared as male or female I'd love it just as hard. But I am glad it is neither. I cannot outlive it. When I think that its immortal wings will one day hover over the grave of a girl which so adored it as much as I do then death becomes a little less terrible. But I pity my love all the same. Its grief will rock the ages, or at least mine would if I were the Nephilim and it simply … perishable.
LUSINE
Some days I think the divine are just as fickle as the men who dream them up. On bad days when the mean spirit catches me I think your paramour will fine some other amusement that bleeds during the full moon and forget that it once loved little Anahit at all.
ANAHIT
Lusine, you are much more cynical than me. If Azaziel can find love once I am nothing but shadow and memory why would I begrudge what I love such honest pleasure? I know I am young but I know it will weep for me once I am gone.
LUSINE
If I thought Samiasa was as fickle as that I'd find me a new Nephilim to make my hips buck. There's, what? Five others to choose from? But enough talk. It is time for our invocation, sister. It is the hour.
ANAHIT (singing)
Slave of Jehovah. Flesh without sex.
From whatever star you Nephilim draw
your glory. In the eternal depths
of heaven, you, “The Seven,”
infinite space, infinite love, bright
wings, now hear! I love you more
than the skies, more than my sighs.
A girl made of blood and clay in
your eyes. You walk many worlds,
you set the fire that burned down
Eden’s gate. Immortal essence.
Immortal fate. I love you beyond
sin, beyond fear. An Adamite
calls to you here! Hear me!
Appear! Without you this
is hell, my darling Azaziel.
LUSINE (singing)
Slave of Jehovah. Wandering star!
Samiasa in the upper air. My sex
without flesh. My darling. My love.
I have known men and cherubim.
I have listened to their lies as they
promised me endless love if only
they could have what lay between
my legs. If only they could touch.
Ghouls. In the depths of heaven,
you, with your, “Seven Rules,”
never once condemned me for my
desire, my ache, my thirst. Many
fear your androgynous form but
I do not. An Adamite calls to you
here! Samiasa! I sing for you. I
await you. I love you. This is
how I will live forever. In you,
dear one. In you.
ANAHIT
Sister! I think I can see them making their way to us. Look how bright the night has become.
LUSINE
How queer! The clouds glow blue and pink from inside as they pass through them, as if the clouds were made of purple and red stone.
ANAHIT
But if our menfolk ever saw this sight!
LUSINE
They would blame it on witches, which they always do when they see something divine that they disapprove of.
ANAHIT
Look how Ararat's summit glows! The clouds are parting.
LUSINE
They have touched earth! Hurry sister, love waits for us on giant wings. Samiasa!
ANAHIT
My Azaziel!
[Both women exit.]
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Do you have any recommendations of female artists (sculptors and painters)? (I went to a museum and now im salty lmao)
Off the top of my mind, I might remember someone else some time soon:
Sonia Delaunay. My girl LIVED and BREATHED art. She was the type to literally, and I mean wholly, surround herself with art to the point of living inside art. She sewed, made costumes for the theater, she made puppets, dolls, quilts, even furniture. She was an incredible, outstanding painter. She is at the centre of Orphism more so than Robert, her husband, who was more of a cubism guy. Now, from what I gather, a lot of what people say about Sonia in other countries is coupled with her husband, as if you can't talk about her without mentioning him. To a degree, that's correct because the two had a really secure partnership. They were both creators, and they pushed each other. It was incredibly inspiring tbh. But Sonia has her own merit, and in Portugal she is actually way more relevant than Robert bc of the influence she had on our modernist circle.
Lee Krasner. If only people sort of forgot she was Pollock's wife. Her method of creating is fascinating to me cause this girl just destroyed her past work completely, but instead of throwing it in the trash, she reused it to create new works. Art historians in the post modernist era weren't too kind to her, but she's being avenged. She's methodical and clearly puts so much thought into her composition her creative process is fascinating.
Julia Margaret Cameron. This woman is one of my favourite artists in the world. Cameron began taking photographs at 42 years old after she moved to the isle of Wight in England. She was gifted a camera by her daughter who just wanted her mother to be a bit less bored, and Cameron went on to create over 3000 astonishing photographs that are at the core of the pictorialist movement. She was also INCREDIBLY well acquainted of her society. I mean, literally every famous victorian person you can think of, she met them. The majority of famous photographs you can think of? She took them. She was very honest about her work too. Its really endearing because Cameron was so concerned about her own honesty in capturing beauty she didn't give a fuck about the actual mechanics, which resulted in a lot of photographers at the time labelling her "an amateur". She also refused to photograph high society folk that weren't her friends, and mostly photographed her maids. It must be said that Alfred Lord Tennyson absolutely DESPISED every single illustration made for his Idylls of the King, so much artists knew they were in for hell if they were commissioned the book's illustrations. Cameron was the only person Tennyson personally asked to illustrated, and he absolutely adored her work.
Hannah Hoch. I love Dada so it couldn't miss. Hannah Hoch was married to uhhhhh... Huesekbeck I think? I keep forgetting. Either way, she was part of the Berlin Dada group, and they gave her hell for being a woman. Yes, it's nothing short of that: they didn't want her to belong because she was a woman. Especially her husband, who she supported throughout his life and then he died and she was like "lmao maybe you should have made good art, my bitch". Hannah Hoch mostly makes collages, and it's incredible. Its a very poignant work about being a woman in post-Weimar Germany and the societal issues Germany faced after World War I.
Claude Cahun. There's a post I made about her going around so I wont prolong myself but essentially, though she used female pronouns throughout her life, she identified herself as androgynous and created an INCREDIBLE set of photographs. She was a surrealist who became the inspiration for Davie Bowie and Andre Breton lauded this woman breathless. She was also arrested for taking part in the resistance against the Nazis and lived her whole life with another woman who was her partner. Her work focuses tremendously on issues of gender and our perception of our own bodies.
Camille Claudel. Infamously, she is known as Rodin's lover. Camille's story is a very tragic one. She was a tremendously talented sculptor who accumulated patrons throughout her life, and though she had an a rough affair with Rodin (and he was a bit of a dick), he did praise her work and tried very hard to preserve her artwork. The issue was Camille's family, who scorned her and shamed her for being an artist and her life choices, and destroyed a lot of her art after sticking her in a mental institution where she died at like, 70. But Camille's work is... Well, it's beautiful. Its the kind of work you can see that conflict between being a woman in her society while desperate to liberate herself. Though she incorporates Rodin's language, she has her own mark, her own hand, and her own language.
Janet Sobel. She is actually the first person to coin, use and employ the technique of dripping. You know, the one Pollock gets all the praise for? Essentially, Janet Sobel was a grandmother by the time she picked up a paintbrush. She was also a ukranian emigrant with little to no english, and she engaged in art at her son's insistence. When her son Sol Sobel brought his mom's artwork to the major New York circles (she lived in New Jersey), she immediately caught the eye of Peggy Guggenheim, who put together a collective exhibition about female abstract expressionist painters. That exhibition was in 1946. Pollock was there, he msde a remark wbout Sobel's work, and in 1947 you have the first Pollock dripping painting. Do with that information what you will (and also, check for photos of how Sobel painted, it's so adorable and it just explains SO MUCH MORE THE CONCEPT OF ACTION PAINTING THAN POLLOCK). Eventualyl, Sobel stopped painting and disappeared, and there are several factors as to why we forgot her: Pollock was the CIA's bad boy, so yeah; she spoke little english (she befriended Marc Chagall and Mark Rothko bc they both spoke russian and they claimed that being with Sobel felt like being back home) and she developed an allergy to oil painting.
Maria Helena Vieira da Silva. We're moving to the french circle here, and yes she is portuguese but she belongs to the french post modernist circle. She's an abstract painter who draws a lot from cityscapes, and I think it's worth taking a look at her work.
Niki de Saint Phalle. Now Niki is incredible. She's mostly known for her Nanas, which are immense outdoors sculptures of women with thick bodies, defying the notion of slenderness imposed by fashion magazines that prevailed in the 50s. She also engages with her own trauma of sexual abuse and explores the notion of sexuality a lot, as well as women's bodies outside the realm of sexuality. At a given point, she collaborated with Jean Tingely a lot so she made a series of kinetic sculptures too.
Martha Rosler. I know you said painting and sculpture and I've already talked about collage lmao but Martha Rosler belongs to the first wave of feminist art and those mostly concern video art, though Rosler is very well known for her collages Bringing the War Home in which she literally brings the Vietnam war home. It's worth looking at her work.
Ana Mendieta. Another tragic story. Ana Mendieta was incredibly worried about the notion of the female body as perceived outside the realm of something sexual and nature. She works a lot with perishable material, works of art that are organic, that is, that will disappear with time. One of her most well known methods is leaving an imprint of her own body on natural surfaces, like a beach, or a field of grass, and then photographing it. Ironically, that was exactly how she died: she fell off I believe it was a 10th floor and onto the hood if a car. There is still speculation about it and everything points towards there having been a fight between her and her partner at the time, Carl Andre, who neighbours believe pushed her out the window. Carl Andre never saw justice and Ana Mendieta died at like 25 years old and at the prime of her career.
Kara Walker. She's a pretty young artist who's creating artworks as we speak and she confronts the notion of blackness with US history so blatantly it becomes monumental. She also makes large scale works to defy this message. If you ask me, she's one of the best artists living today.
Hilma af Klimt. She was a Swedish abstractionist and surrealist who was really focused on the occult, and made monumental paintings that engaged with things like the human psyche.
Lizzie Siddal. Now, Lizzie is better known as the Pre-Raphaelite muse, immortalised in Millais' famous Ophelia, but she was an artist of her own. And not just any artist. John Ruskin tutored her and praised her. In fact, he considered her biggest flaw being her love affair with Rossetti lmao she is very naive and honest about her work, and I would also recommend taking a look at her poetry.
Eleonor Fortescue-Brickdale. I know very little about her, but she was a post pre-raphaelite illustrator who, and this is just me, follows the trend of Julia Margaret Cameron. Her paintings are beautiful and seriously, look at both their work and try to see the similarities hah
Helen Frankenthaler and Joan Mitchell, two abstract expressionists who developed their own mode of painting and who border the Colour Field Painting (think Rothko).
Tamara de Lempicka. She's the glamour gal. She makes paintings about the glamorous life of high society and is very interesting because she depicts female nudes in a very intimate way. If I am not mistaken, Tamara de Lempicka had relationships with women, so that tells you a lot. She's very cubist in technique, more so than style.
Faith Ringgold. Oh my God, Faith Ringgold is fantastic. She is a black american woman who paints about the experience of being a black woman, but not just paint. She's best known for her Tar Beaches series, which as quilts she stitches while telling the story of a little girl who dreams about a world while spending time on her tar beach, which is the rooftops of the buildings in Harlem. Please do check her work, she is fantastic.
I'll leave well known names out because they are easy to search like Frida Kahlo, Artemisa Gentilleschi, Josefa d'Obidos, Sofonisba Anguissola (these three are located in the late renaissance period, so there's a lot of portraits, religious themes and still life), Mary Cassat, Berthe Morisot (both impressionists who focus on private female themes), Rosa Bonheur (naturalist who makes landscapes mostly), Evelyn de Morgan (post pre-raphaelite). Also check Zinaida Serebriakova, Georgia O'Keeffe, Lavinia Fontana, Louise Bourgeois, Angelika Kauffmann, Elisabetta Sirani, Romaine Brooks, Sophie Tauber-Arp, Varvara Stepanova, Paula Rego, Bridget Riley, Leonora Carrington, Vigée le Brun, Yayoi Kusama, Francesca Woodman. Etc. These are like .. top of my head with a quick google search to make sure I wrote the names right haha
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So, um, yeah … I finally finished my great long rave about the Klámstrákur video … make of it what you will …
Maybe this is a load of hot garbage, but my starting point was what they’ve said about self-image and toxic masculinity.
But I reckon that if your toxic masculinity shows up in a latex crop-top and corset, there’s probably something interesting going on.
I had a quiet Sunday a couple of weeks ago, so I watched it really, really slowly and overthought the hell out of it.
Sssooo … tl;dr (because the bit after the cut is really long).
What if ..
· the lighting and colours (and costumes) have consistent meaning, and are part of the storytelling?
· it’s basically all an attack of angst in a bathroom: an internal power struggle with no clear winner?
· everyone who appears is part of that person’s own psyche (except Einar, who is a memory)?
I’m definitely not saying that any of my thoughts are a ‘right’ interpretation, or especially original for that matter. It was just fun to fit all the bits into a nice pattern that makes sense – at least to me.
[Even I’m quite surprised by how much I had to say about this in the end...]
Klámstrákur
The toxic-masculinity-in-a-corset interpretation
*TW: low key for discussion about anxiety and gender angst. Nothing heavy, but, hey, I know how easy they can be to set off at times …*
So, this thing is Art and it can mean basically anything you want it to.
Most people see a narrative around sex work. The lyrics make it hard to get away from, in fact (though could be a metaphor for queerness – but never mind that). Anyhow, while I agree that sex work is the background, in my overthinky way, I don’t think the song is about that, precisely.
I like to overlay it with the idea that the two voices are the same person, and we’re mostly having a tour through his angst. This works okayish for the song on its own, but it’s much better in the video (or so I think).
Anyhow, we start in the bathroom. The scene is saturated in a deep, velvety red light. (I’m going to talk about lighting a lot.) A choir hums gently in the background. Our lad stumbles in, washes his face and has one of those ‘is that really me?’ moments in the mirror.
He shakes his head, as though trying to dispel bad thoughts – and that’s where we immediately go … and stay.
Bad thoughts.
We get a flash of Einar alone in a theatre. Then three nearly subliminal flashes of Matthías as we see him at the end. Only with his head in hands like this:
(Sorry for the shitty screen shot. Perfect gifs of this bit do exist, just not here.)
This has got to mean something, surely. It’s not there by accident. I pause to mention it now, but I’ll come back to it later…
00:25 – … on stage…
A curtain brushes aside and we’re on stage. My interpretation is that the stage is his perception of the outside world and/or memory of the recent past.
Why? Because that’s where Einar is – and it’s the only place we see him. Einar is the only ‘outside’ person we see. So he’s being recalled and thought about as an audience. It’s a perfect metaphor for playing a role, as the outside world looks on. As I flippantly said on another post – Einar is the ‘male gaze’ on this rather ambiguous body. (I wrote it as a weird academic joke [‘male gaze’ is a feminist art theory thing], then went … oh wait … what if he is?)
And then … there’s that red light bathing everything in the theatre. I think the red represents (or reinforces) a concept. Possibly desire … for sex, sexuality, submission, androgynous or feminine expression … money, whatever – anything except the accepted norm for a nice cis-het bloke, basically.
We’re just 26 seconds in at this point – and our lad is recalling stripping off and dancing on his pole for Male Gaze Einar. But the recollection is starting to make him feel guilty, ashamed, anxious and sick (or just more so than he already was). He starts to panic, and think he’s dying – as you do. But he’s not really dying: it’s anxiety.
His thoughts start to circle. There’s a nightmarish hospital trolley – that he’s literally chained into (perhaps by the anxiety if we want to really push the metaphor – or at least by those serious-looking girls in catsuits). And then there’s the theatre where he’s dancing like the sinful, slinky mink he accuses himself of being.
The first time we see the trolley (at 0:59), it’s in a blue corridor –the first real change from the red – but as the other three in the scene approach, the trolley swings slowly back into a red corridor. Then, just as we get to the end of the intro … ég sé að deya (1:16)… back onto stage.
Don’t worry – I’m not going through the whole thing this slowly. In fact, for the first verse – where we’re hearing about what a degraded, weak little smut addict he considers himself to be – it’s mostly visual escalation. We cut between him being strapped tighter into the trolley in the red corridor, the stage, and a few shots of Male Gaze Einar starting to look … frisky…
At the end of the verse, it’s crisis time, because we get our first, momentous: Þú ert klámstrákur!!! … and so enters Matthías properly.
He’s mostly lit with blue. He’s wearing some very important pink specs (ahem) and a lab coat. And he is most certainly playing the part of ‘toxic masculinity’ as in internalised shame, guilt, and a self-hating need to conform to society’s expectations of maleness. He’s a part of our pole dancer’s psyche, though. Not someone else shouting at him: just his own desire to be someone else, to be another way. To be in control of himself. To not be gay or gender-bendy or a pole dancer … or whatever.
So I see something implied in the settings and lighting: red scenes, desire and immersion in the klámstrákur lifestyle; blue scenes, self-loathing and a need to control, purify and conform. And it’s a real tussle with … I think … no clear winner.
01:45 … The spin out
I particularly like the next little bit.
Don’t look now, but between one bellow from Matthías and the next, we’re back on stage. And Einar has got a bit over-excited and is clambering over the seats. As in a dream, the pole has transformed into a chair full of pole dancer, and in one of the most memorable snippets, we get fingers tenderly/sexily making their way down Klemens’s chest.
Let’s enjoy a crappy screen shot of that for no reason at all:
[… oh my …]
And then that fabulous chair spin from the red stage to the blue clinic room (screen shots do not do it justice, so please just replay that bit in your head … I’ll wait …)
… Now how about this?
When he stumbled into the bathroom at the start – he was just starting to get anxious. And that bit with Einar was what set him off. Desire for some stranger. A touch. Something too gay or too … something … for his self-loathing part to handle. He panics, spins out and goes into cold self-hatred (blue clinic) needing to regain control, and to conform and purify.
And from the two minute mark – right through the next bit of verse where he lists all the things that ‘sometimes’ happen – that’s what’s going on. The list maybe be factual, or his fantasies, or angsty exaggeration, or some of each. It doesn’t matter, he seems to think he needs or deserves the treatment he’s getting, and submits to it wholly, like a góður drengur.
But – as I said at the start, that toxic masculinity in control of the situation is dressed a wee bit less masculine than you might expect. I mean – when you think about gender-panicky homophobes IRL, you don’t usually think latex crop-top and corset. But maybe it’s more about domination and control. This is the part of the psyche that seeks and exerts those things – so dominatrix chic may be just the ticket.
Anyhow, he’s bathed in the purity of that blue light, busily head-massaging away the gay, while screaming at himself for being filthy and disgusting.
[This is so fucking camp … why am I like this?]
02:30 – ambiguity – or who’s the anxious one here anyhow?
From here on, things get really ambiguous and therefore really interesting.
New setting: this is a chamber with a nice pole in it, and windows so the Matthías character (now in a nice fluffy red coat that just screams ‘pimp’) and the serious girls in catsuits can watch at a safe distance.
And our pole-dancing boy is released from captivity for observation. And what happens then?
This …
Followed by this …
This little backward glance. An implied moment of eye contact.
What do you see? Is porn boy anxious? Unsure? Obedient?
Well, maybe.
But I like my queer boys a bit bolshy, so I see defiance. A look that says: ‘Think you can control me? Well game on, bitch.’
Because he really goes for it on the pole after that. Surely that lightning-quick crotch grab at 02:43, when he’s being called ógeðslegur karlmaður is a very clear ‘fuck you’!
[Really though?
Well why not?]
It’s easy to listen to the Eurosonic version and hear the Klemens voice suffer and panic, and just assume that he’s a victim. There’s no real story line to the lyrics, but the Matthías voice gets the last word, so we naturally suppose that our poor little filthy boy is somehow lost, or fighting a losing battle for survival.
But to me, the video evens things up a lot.
One of the reasons that I thought that both voices might be the one person even just in the live versions, was that the name-calling is so over-the top it seems kinda panicky. The video reinforces that – with the shouty voice being so obviously controlling. And the need to control is an anxious need. Internalised homophobia as a fear. So, Mr Shouty in the crop-top is as much an embodiment of anxiety as the filthy boy. Maybe more.
Because if they’re both inside the head of a lad having a panic attack in a bathroom, then it’s Mr Shouty who has caused it. He (Matthías) desperately needs to control his impulses (Klemens), maybe because he’s afraid of what will happen if he doesn’t.
[Does that make sense? I hope that makes sense to someone besides me.]
Anyhow … back to the action … it’s game on, and the next bit (02:45 to 03:00) is a lot of shouting about filth and a whole lot of arse.
Uhm …
[well … quite …]
The battle pushes to-and-fro until we’re suddenly back here:
What is this? Opening his pores? Who knows, but it’s a very cool effect. It definitely looks like punishment/purification (so very like opening one’s pores). The light is blue – just as hard and bright as before. No red in sight (there was a lot of red in the observation chamber – such was the power of the filthy boy’s wiggles). So control is seriously asserting itself again.
The struggle is real.
Now, from 3:02 – the really difficult bit – the couch:
The couch is long and low, lit blue and red at opposite ends with a homoerotic / bondage picture partly obscured by curtains. What does it signify?
The messages are really mixed, even just with Mr Shouty. He’s in his pimp coat screaming about his disgust, sometimes lit blue sometimes red – but he’s got filthy boy by the leash now.
So what is it? He hates himself, but he kinda gets off on being a slinky-mink pole dancer? It’s the same mixed message as the clinic outfit: ‘I’m your need to be a normal bloke – but I’m rocking this crop-top and corset look.’
Well … at risk of overdoing it by trying to fit everything together too neatly – what if the couch bits are about balance? Getting over the attack with a little give and take between the warring selves. Or something like that.
In the last minute, the war between clinic and pole is fierce – with interludes of couch.
When we see the couch we also see:
Porn boy’s leash being held, him dancing obediently and wearing more clothes. So less impulsive – under some control. The purifying ‘treatment’ has worked a bit. Pores cleansed.
Control freak still shouting but, as I said, he’s not looking like a dominatrix anymore – more like a pimp. So arguably, he’s secretly enjoying porn boy’s show while calling it filthy and disgusting. I think that’s the point – which I guess means that toxic masculinity also makes one a moralising hypocrite (‘that type: making a scene’ – though that’s not the official translation, sadly!). However, for now he seems comfortable watching – and he’s no longer trying so hard to control his filthy-boy self.
But, of course, the war isn’t over. How could it ever be, for an androgynous pole dancer with internalised homophobia and gender panic?
[Sounds horrible and I don’t recommend it. Just be a happy slinky mink and a cheeky sinful seal, that’s my advice.]
So lastly …
This whole emotional-breakdown-in-a-bathroom theory would have been greatly assisted if we had even the tiniest throwback to the bathroom right at the end. But we (probably) don’t.
What we have instead, however, is a throw forward from those flashes of Matthías on the couch at 0:24 (I said I’d come back to that!). If I’m even vaguely right, then those flashes show the balance breaking down. The visual is of Matthías’s shouty half of the psyche – head in hands. What’s he feeling?
Our pole-dancing lad is staring at himself in the mirror at that moment, thinking of that excited audience member. His inner control freak, who had been moderately at ease with the dancing, and sitting on his comfy couch, is suddenly overwhelmed by guilt and flickers into breakdown … and it begins where it ends.
So it’s a cycle. Maybe.
Or maybe this is a load of hot garbage.
#endless rumination on music videos#hatari#also i enjoy overthinking things so this is basically catnip to me#seriously this is how i enjoy myself with good content#klámstrákur#i've been threatening to do this for a while haven't i?#well i finally when and did it#hot garbage#with sprinkles
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On International Nonbinary Day, I’m sharing my personal story of embracing my androgyny.
For me, being non-binary means allowing myself to go beyond the frames I don’t fit into, both according to others’ views and by my own choice. And nonbinary visibility is what helps me understand that I'm normal, to come to terms with myself. It helped me realize that I'm not some sort of a bizarre creature, nor a comedy character, nor an unfortunate exception to the rule. I'm a person, like anyone else. A person who is perfectly aware of all the features of their own personality and looks to break free from conventional stereotypes.
Finally, I can be completely free to tell myself that no, I don’t have to stick to labels. I'm not bound to tropes and stereotypes. I can be more than a "masculine lesbian" , a "strong female character" that doesn’t conform, a "campy gay guy" or a "pretentious metrosexual". All these qualities might as well coexist together within me without any conflict, because why would I conflict with my own character traits and the way I live?
The most beautiful thing is that I am who I am. I don’t have to choose among all my unique features. I'm the whole package and that’s what makes me the person who I am, more so than a name or gender assigned to me at birth.
How long had I been thinking that I never wanted to be a girl, to do the things girls do, to act the way most of my peers or adult women did. And at the same time, I hated the idea of becoming a man when I started thinking that I could be a transgender man. At first, I hated myself for the fact that I would never be able to live as a fully functioning man and have sex like cisgender people do. Yet when I imagined myself with a male body, I realized that I didn’t want to live my entire life in that body. I understood that I didn’t want to be a hundred percent man. I knew there were androgynous people, but at that time, the society was so far away from tolerating homosexuality, not to speak of accepting binary transgender people. And for the most part, people around me didn’t seem to have enough emotional intelligence to not treat me as a threat or a broken cog in the system.
Needless to say my desire to use male pronouns for myself wasn’t taken seriously. I looked at myself in the mirror and I saw it, my curvaceous body, sexually appealing by traditional beauty standards, my “pretty” face features, and I was disappointed in myself. I believed that no one would ever perceive me as androgynous, nor as a boy, nor as anyone other than just female body parts. So I tried to socialize as a woman, to make use of this female body of mine, and only allowed myself to be in my natural state when I was at home or with my partners. Some might say, don’t be too soft, everyone does that. Everyone gives in to the rules of this world, everyone wears masks and only let themselves relax when they’re at home. Yet I doubt many people have to play the roles that feel so alien and hated. Even though these roles might have seemed easy at first, since others succeeded.
This incompleteness, this humiliating role, having to be someone I already hated were making it even worse. I didn’t want to go outside, my inner aggression and self-hatred grew inside me tearing me apart. I hated myself and everything I was doing. Everyday, I dreamed of not waking up. Besides, people felt that I was a so-so woman, a strange woman, a woman who doesn’t want to understand what other women do, and doesn’t behave naturally. They saw through me immediately. Well, I know myself that I wasn’t able to get over my feelings to an extent where I could always be comfortable with female pronouns, expectations society keeps putting on women, my female pseudonym and the attitude to myself in general.Everything related to female gender roles was so unnatural to me that it irritated and disgusted me.
When it all went too far, I wasn’t even able to leave home. I was anxious about people not taking me seriously, deeming me insane for using male pronouns while not looking as a bulky masculine man, blaming it all on fanfiction or something like that. Sometimes, I thought the same way, too. I’ve heard them say anyone can live their life normally, settle down, even change their sexual orientation after playing around in their younger ages. They just grow over it, people said. Why wouldn’t I try to pretend that I’m the same? After all, it’s what should make other people around me happy. I started imagining myself starting a heteronormative family, or maybe a lesbian one, and I knew that was it. The best way to dig my own grave and bury myself alive. Childbirth sounded like a sentence. I would never do that to my body, I would never put everything away for the sake of becoming a living incubator. Then, I started imagining living in a male body and all those surgeries to remove body parts or construct an artificial, insensitive penis. Or facial hair growth procedures. I knew for sure that I didn’t want to be a man. I wouldn’t even want to be born as a man. Men’s life experiences are just as far from a fairy tale as female ones.
And yet I knew I wanted to live in-between, break away from being a woman without becoming a man completely. What is that even supposed to be? Is it even possible? Can one survive in this society with such paradigm of thought? Nope, I believed, I must be crazy for sure. And if I’m crazy, if they deem me crazy, then the future holds nothing good for me. What kind of creature am I, not being able to understand who I am, to find a place I belong, to fit in anywhere?
One day, a friend of mine told me they write about people like me on the internet. That such things, have a name and one can say for sure that I’m not crazy. That my identity is one of transgender identities. Moreover, the world wants to know more about nonbinary people, which means there is a chance to be heard, not to be crushed by society, and it’s even possible to embrace the gender you identify with yourself, rather than trying to hide it and get into someone else’s skin. Thanks to the visibility of other nonbinary people, I was able to understand that I no longer had to swing between the two extremes and make painful choices. To tell the truth, I had already stopped trying by that time and lived my life stuck in endless depression, without contact with the world outside, without leaving home. I was sure people like me would never survive and fulfil themselves in a binary world.
When I realized that my androgyny wasn’t just a figment of my imagination but that I could and should always stay true to myself, I set off on my journey to a new life. I started developing my style the way I had always envisioned it, I started becoming myself. Each day, each month, each year I was getting closer to being myself, to finding my place and my voice in society.I managed to step into the light and speak out about who I am and what I want. I stopped being afraid of myself. We’re few in number, but I know for sure that I’m not alone in this world.
#nonbinary day#androgyne positivity#androgynestyle#nonbinary positivity#queer#transgender#androgynous model#international nonbinary day#lgbtq visibility#trans visibility#androgynylooksgoodonme#personal story#androgyne aesthetic
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