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mingigoo · 10 months

Note

hi sie!! i'm happy to see that your requests are open and would like to request something myself c: 1. seonghwa 2. roommate au 3. prompts 11 and 17 4. with spice please 🙏 thanks so much! i rly appreciate you and your writing even if you can't get to this 💕

I hope you like this!!! really enjoyed writing this one :)

— sleep-talker || p.sh (m.)

“You know you sleep talk?”

“Stop looking at me like that.

🌊pairing ⇢ (fem) reader x roommate! Seonghwa

🌊 summary ⇢ when you and your friends decide on a trip to the beach for spring break, you get stuck rooming with the man you "hate" the most. The line between love and hate is as thin as ice, and you were about to break it.

🌊 genre/au ⇢ roommates au, vacation au, one bed trope, forced proximity au, smut

🌊 warnings/tags ⇢ 18+ minors DNI, wet dreams, fingering, rough sex, unprotected sex, cream pie, PDA, "enemies" to lovers, one-bed trope, teasing, jealousy, intense tension like holy hell

🌊 word count ⇢ 10.2k words

🌊 taglist ⇢ @jjhmk @yesv01 @roe-sinning @meowmeowminnie @yeritheloml @yukine-smx @y00nzin0 @8tinytings @halesandy @shegotboreddsoo @kangyeosangelic @sanshineeeeee @kodzukein @hwaightme @likexaxdaydream @ssaboala @gtr-skyline-lover @wooyoungjpg @lonewolfjinji @asjkdk @charreddonuts (please let me know if I forgot you!)

masterlist

ateez masterlist

“Are you for real right now?”

Spring break. A time for rest, relaxation, and lots and lots of sex.

And now, your plans of being a whore for the vacation were ruined.

“Yes, y/n. I can't afford another room just for you to have to yourself,” Hongjoong, your older brother, mumbled as he stuffed the last bit of clothes into his luggage. “You’ll have to room with Seonghwa. San and Wooyoung already called each other.”

He zipped up his suitcase and stood up to leave, but he couldn't get off that easily. “Please, Joong. I’ll do anything. Cant I just room with you and Mingi?” he hastily made his way out of his room and into the living room, trying his hardest to get away from you. “I’ll sleep on the floor. No blanket, just the floor. Please.”

He turned to face you, a confused expression on his face. “Why are you so adamant about not staying with Hwa? What did he ever do to you?” he asked you, genuinely curious. The truth is, he did nothing to you personally. Maybe that was why you hated him, because god, if he gave you the time of day, you would pounce on him like a cat in heat.

You groaned, running a hand through your messy, unwashed hair. “Because he’s a dumb ass jerk that gets everything he wants.”

Hongjoong laughed at you and turned away. “It's only a week, y/n. He’ll probably spend most of his time in our room, anyway. Just bring a book to read or something to distract yourself.”

As if reading is the thing you'll be focused on if you were in a room with him. Oh Nah, you'll be wishing he’d walk around shirtless and hoping he somehow takes a shower and walks out with nothing on—

“I hope you're packed and ready….” Joong trailed off as he looked at your messy exterior, and stifled a laugh. “And if you're thinking of getting laid, you might want to shower.”

You slapped him on the shoulder, having no drive to shower. You'll get one when you get there. It's not like you were that stinky.

“Shut up, dickhead.”

You stood on the sidewalk of your apartment building, Hongjoong’s little yellow Geo Tracker sitting there lookin’ all cute. However, the tiny thing only had five seats.

There were six of you.

“Welp looks like I can't go! What a shame, what a shame,” you sarcastically yelled out, tossing your hands in the air exasperatedly. “Have fun without me!”

“Shut your mouth, will you?” Hongjoong groaned, tossing your luggage into the “trunk” or whatever it was. “It's only a ride to the airport. You can sit on someone’s lap for ten minutes.”

You crossed your arms over your chest. “Why am I the one that has to do that? Wooyoung is like the size of my arm. He can do it.”

Joong shut the trunk with force at your comment, totally disregarding you. “Hop in,” he said. “Enjoy shotgun while you have the chance.”

You got in reluctantly, even though you were very excited about the beach itself. Your excitement was short-lived as you approached the devil’s lair.

“Stay here, I’ll go help them,” Hongjoong mumbled, pushing his sunglasses up on his forehead as he put the car in park.

You nodded, your arms crossed over your chest. You didn't mind the rest of the group— San and Wooyoung always knew how to make you laugh, and Mingi was absolutely eye candy. You wouldn't mind sitting on his lap on the way to the airport.

Just as you got comfortable with your head resting against the window, the door abruptly opened, causing you to nearly fall out of the vehicle. “For fuck’s sake, who the hell—” your words got caught in your throat as you met eyes with Park fucking Seonghwa. “Oh, it's you…”

He stood there, his thin torso draped in a sheer white top and his long, lean legs covered in a pair of black pants. You swallowed your drool like a schoolgirl, making sure he never knows how you think of him.

“What?” you raised your eyebrow, not moving an inch and not even reaching to unplug your seatbelt. “This seat’s taken, buddy.”

He snickered, his lips mockingly curled up in a sneer. “Oh, aren't you a sweetheart? Now move, I called shotgun.”

“Well, I did first.”

“No, you didn't.”

“Yes, I did.”

“No.”

“Yes—”

“Neither of you are getting shotgun,” your brother laughed from behind Seonghwa, San and Wooyoung giggling like the goofs they are next to him. You still didn't move, even as Joong approached and unbuckled your seatbelt for you. “Y/N, please help me out here.”

You debated on throwing a fit, but knowing that it would just cause more problems, you sighed and pushed yourself out of the front seat. Now standing on the curb of the sidewalk right in front of Seonghwa, you tilted your head up to look him in the eyes. His gaze was intense—it made you envision what it would be like in bed, looking down at him from above, and how his eyebrows would knit together in pleasure. God, you needed to get laid this vacation, or you were going to be suffering from delusions.

Without warning, Mingi pushed through both of you, interrupting your staring contest.

“We better go, I don't want to listen to their bickering any longer,” the tall boy huffed as he plopped himself in the front seat, a proud smile resting on his lips.

San sat in the backseat on the right, Wooyoung next to him in the middle. That left either you or seonghwa to fight to the death for that last seat, but you knew how this was going to end.

And it wasn't going to end well.

—

“You comfortable, y/n?” your brother called from the driver’s seat, looking back at you through the rearview mirror.

You frowned so deeply you could've sworn your face was permanently stuck like that.

There you were, in the back of the car, in the most uncomfortable seat ever. Seonghwa groaned underneath you, his bony body not offering you any wiggle room. You didn't answer your brother, you were certain your expression was enough of a response.

You adjusted yourself on Seonghwa’s lap, looking out the window for any distraction. As you moved, you felt him move his hips, and you had to shut away your filthy thoughts about him as soon as they came. Between his movements and his groans, your stomach was knotting in something more than butterflies.

The car was filled with conversation, however, you and Seonghwa remained quiet and in your own little worlds. As the others bantered, you pushed yourself up further on his lap, grimacing as you heard him let out a grunt in your ear.

And then when his hands gripped onto your bare thighs, you were the one to gasp.

“Stop moving,” he whispered in your ear with haste, almost like a sneer. You kept your vision forward as his breath danced in your ear. “It hurts.”

You swallowed hard. “Oh? Is your little dick that sensitive?” you whispered back, smirking. You moved again, this time on purpose, feeling his bulge through his pants. You kept your cool, ignoring his shaky breaths from behind you. “Are you that happy to see me, Hwa?”

“Shut your mouth or you won’t see the sunrise,” he hissed, but his voice was weak.

The ten-minute ride felt like an eternity as he breathed underneath you, your mind constantly thinking about how hard he was getting underneath you and how sweet it would be to turn around and face him to see his reaction to you.

You looked to your right, seeing Wooyoung with a knowing smile on his face. “What?” you asked him, raising an eyebrow.

He shrugged, grinning. “Nothing, nothing,” he said, letting out a giggle. “Just that you both seem…cozy.”

You slapped him on the shoulder, your movements causing Seonghwa to wiggle underneath you.

“Dammit, Y/N I told you to stop moving,” he seethed, his grip on your thigh tightening. Hongjoong looked back through the mirror, worry in his expression.

“Everything okay?” he asked, meeting your eyes before focusing on the road once again. “We’re almost there, only about a minute or two.”

“Ten-minute ride my ass,” you mumbled, and as you entered the Airport, you should've known that there were going to be speed bumps on the way in….

The shitty old car hopped over the bump, feeling like it hit a huge boulder. You bounced up, not held by any seatbelt, landing hard, right on Seonghwa’s family jewels.

“Fuck,” he cried, tossing his head back against the headrest. Your hands were now holding onto his legs for dear life.

“Joong, will you slow down for those things? Some of us are suffering back here,” you said, to which seonghwa started laughing.

“You're telling me.” he scoffed.

“Okay okay, I just have to park. I have no idea how this works….where the hell is the long-term parking—”

“Probably over there,” Mingi pointed in the opposite direction.

“No, no, I think it’s—”

“I can't take this anymore!” you cried out, leaning forward to assist Hongjoong since Mingi isn't helping. “There's a huge sign in front of us. How can you miss that? It spells it out, dammit.” you huffed, throwing yourself back into your “seat.” This time, he didn't let out a single groan, probably just as fed up with you as you were with him.

Finally, Hongjoong found the lot and parked the car, and as soon as it was stationary, you tossed yourself out of the vehicle like there was no tomorrow. You knew that you couldn't last a minute more on his lap, because if you did, you would be so tempted to turn around and make out with those painfully pretty lips of his. God, he made you so mad. Ever since you met him, there were only the same thoughts circulating round and round.

Dirty thoughts.

Seonghwa crawled out of the car like a decrepit old spider, his long legs holding up his body with grace. You bit your lip, looking down at where you were sitting on him. Quickly, you looked away as he noticed your gaze, and ran away to go help the others with the luggage.

You weren't quick enough to miss the achingly attractive smirk on Seonghwa’s face.

Why did he have to be so….. libidinous? He was like a wild animal, able to take the lives away of his prey with just an expression.

No more seonghwa on the brain—it was beach time. You were certain you could find someone at a bar to sleep with later, and it wouldn't be Hwa.

Not now, not ever.

—

You got lucky with the plane ride.

Your seat buddy was Mingi, and Hongjoong knew how much you like your window seats.

Mingi nearly slept the whole flight, his head rested against your shoulder. He snored a little, but it didn't matter. The gentle giant had a place in your heart, so he could do no wrong.

You often stole glances at Seonghwa across the aisle, his head bobbing up and down as he fought his tiredness. He was so much more likable when he was sleeping, but that was definitely due to the fact that he couldn't stare at you with those entrancing eyes or run that mouth of his.

You were the only one awake by the end of the flight. It was difficult for you to sleep in public places. It didn't feel right. So you would fight off sleep as hard as you could and distract yourself with anything around you.

After the fiasco of leaving the plane, you anxiously trailed behind Hongjoong through the busy airport, pushing past loads of people who had places to be. Thank goodness you were able to leave the airport without a fuss, even if seonghwa was nearly breathing down your neck as you exited.

Luckily, the ride to the hotel wasn't far—and there were more than enough seats for all of you. You distanced yourself from Seonghwa, ignoring his hellish gaze.

The hotel you were staying at stood tall, facing the gorgeous blue ocean for a perfect view. You shut your eyes as you took everything in, smelling the saltiness and the warmth of the air. You smiled to yourself, but your delightful moment didn't last long.

Seonghwa bumped into you purposely, digging his shoulder into yours before walking past you toward the hotel entrance. “Hey, what was that for?” you growled, a scowl on your face.

“You were in the way,” is all he said, not even bothering to turn to face you as he spoke. He continued walking, his beautiful silhouette showing through his sheer shirt. Oh, you wanted to tear it off of him so badly.

You let out a huff of air, but then followed your friends into the building, knowing the end was near if you had to share the room with your snack of choice.

Hongjoong went up to the front desk as you and the boys stood near the doorway, waiting for him to check us in. It didn't take him long, and soon enough, he was walking back over, key cards in his hand, and a bright smile on his face. “All checked in! This’ll be our home for the next week.”

San grabbed his key card first. “Are we all on the same floor? Like in a row? It would be no fun if I had to actually put on clothes to go on the elevator.”

“Yes, San, we’re all on the same floor.” Hongjoong held in his laugh, already clearly enjoying his time away from reality. You stood angrily with your arms across your chest next to seonghwa, who didn't look any happier than you. “And will you two brighten up? You’re killing the vibe.”

You rolled your eyes, glancing up at the boy next to you. His dark hair was slightly frizzy from the humidity, sticking to his forehead like it would if he were sweating. You gulped, thinking dirty thoughts once more before regaining your peace of mind. “I’m not doing anything. It’s all him.”

“No, it’s all you, not me.” he retaliated.

“You’re the one that got a hard-on from me just innocently sitting on your lap.”

“You were purposely shoving your ass on me like a freak—”

“You are ruining the vacation already—”

“Annnd we’re not doing this again,” Mingi sighed and then gripped onto your arm to pull you towards the elevator.

“Let’s go, we got bars to get wrecked at.”

—

“Oh, hell no.”

You dropped your luggage as you entered your room for the week, staring at what was in it.

Or lack thereof.

One bed—a queen, maybe, sat in the middle of the room. A chair was tilted by the sliding glass doors that opened to the balcony, and a lamp stood in the corner. It was cute, of course, but you thought this couldn't get any worse.

Seonghwa walked past you into the room, setting his suitcase on the floor by the chair. “Don't worry,” he hummed, his voice low. “I’ll sleep on the floor.”

“I–” you paused, taking in a breath before continuing. “You can sleep on the bed, I ain't that mean.”

“So you think I’m going to let my best friend’s sister sleep on the floor?” he laughed, but it wasn't out of humor. “That’s funny. I’d get my ass beat.” He sat down on the floor, stretching out his long legs before opening his suitcase. “Just forget about me like you usually do and take the bed.”

You had no snarky remarks to throw at him this time, your eyelids feeling heavier than ever. You sighed, sitting down on the bed with a thud. “Okay, fine. Wake me up when we are going to leave.”

“Yeah yeah,” he snarkily replied, too focused on his luggage in front of him. You shut your eyes slowly, holding on to your consciousness a little longer, before drifting off into a sleep that would cause an unexpected uproar a few hours later.

—

After your amazing nap, you and the boys found your way to a beach bar, sand filling the floor and loud music playing in the background. You took your rightful spot at the bar, sitting right next to Wooyoung, who was already chugging a fruity margarita.

“You should try this, Y/N,” he let out a satisfied sigh after he finished his gulp. “Tastes like fucking unicorns and rainbows.”

You laughed. “Sounds divine, but I’ll pass and get my whiskey sour.”

He grimaced. “Ew, you should spruce it up a little bit sometimes.”

San sat down on the other side of him, a fancy glass in his hands as well. “Yeah, you’re kind of a bore.”

“San what the—”

“She is, isn't she?” Seonghwa hummed from behind you, and of course, sat his ass in the chair right next to you. You groaned, ignoring him once again, although it was quite hard to not drool as he gulped his beer, his throat bobbing as he drank it.

Fucking hell.

You looked around for any sign of your brother to save you, and once you saw him, you cringed, turning right back around to face the bar. “Dear god, can't he keep his dick in his pants for five minutes?” you shivered, trying to think of anything else other than your brother making out with a random person.

Seonghwa looked back, a smirk on his face as you ordered your drink. “Hypocrite. Just last week I walked in on you with Mingi in the chem lab,” he snickered, his midnight eyes catching the neon lights behind the bar. “Your tongue was so far down his throat I swear I—”

“Says the guy who I caught watching porn freshman year in the computer lab—”

“Here’s your Whiskey sour,” the bartender awkwardly interrupted, but thank god he did. You quickly chugged it, finishing it within a minute of getting it. He gave you another right away, and you downed that one as quickly as it came. He was cute, a little on the scruffy side, but definitely a good one-night. You gave him a look, feeling accomplished as he smirked a little before serving someone else.

“Maybe you shouldn't drink so fast, y/n,” San murmured from Wooyoung’s side, his strong arms holding his weight against the table. “You get drunk really quick on an empty stomach. Remember what happened last time? You have a bad habit of trying to kiss everything you see.”

You furrowed your eyebrows, setting the empty glass down on the bar. As you did that, you felt the warmth of the alcohol fill your body. “What? Who did I kiss?”

Seonghwa laughed from the other side of you while you focused on San.

“Me.” San blinked. “Tongue and all. But not just me, you kissed the statue outside our campus. You know, that really rusty one?”

You gagged. “Ew, no. stop. No, I didn't.”

“Oh, yes you did,” Seongwha piped in, sipping on his third or fourth beer. “And then you threw up on my shoes when I brought you home.”

You let out an exaggerated sigh of relief, taking his beer right out of his hands. “Phew, thank god I didn't kiss you,” you shivered, bringing the bottle up to your lips. After you started chugging it a little bit, Hwa ripped the bottle away from you.

You felt your vision start to sway from the alcohol. You loved the feeling of being drunk—just hated the hangovers. Right now though, you wanted to get wasted and go home with a stranger. The hangover will be tomorrow’s problem.

But seonghwa had to just run his mouth once again.

“You know you talk in your sleep, right?” He laughed, a full, humorous laugh. He tossed the bottle to the back of his throat and then continued to laugh at you. “Something about how awful the airplane food was and how drinking milk reminds you of cum.” he grimaced at the last part, but a playful smile still rested on his face. “God you are explicit.”

Your cheeks flushed, looking anywhere but his direction. “I do not sleeptalk.”

You looked to Wooyoung and San for help, but they looked dumbfounded. “I wouldn't know, y/n, I never slept with you,” San smirked, smiling deviously at you. “Unless you’re down with that, I’m all for hearing you sleeptalk in my ear all night.”

“Yeah, me too,” Woo played along, knowing he was just doing it to tease you. Seonghwa, on the other hand, was trying desperately to embarrass you in front of the hot bartender.

“God, it’s so annoying, I wanted to rip my hair out earlier,” he smiled devilishly, his teeth even brighter than normal under all the neon lights. “I thought I couldn't hate you more, but you proved me wrong.”

You looked straight ahead, ignoring Seonghwa’s goofy smile. “Whatever,” you huffed, resting your face on your hand, your elbow holding up the weight. You watched the sexy bartender notice your stare. He smiled and walked over to you.

“Need another sour?” he asked, his cheeks pinched with dimples. You had your eyes set on going home with him, and you were going to follow through with it. Seonghwa can stay outside for the night—or watch, it didn't matter to you.

“Actually,” you pondered, blinking slowly as the alcohol hit your system even harder. “I’ll take a vodka and Sprite. Grey Goose.” you hummed, watching him nod with a smirk on his face.

Seonghwa chuckled, but you were too focused on your mission to hear him blab about how much he hated you over and over again. Soon enough, that damn grey goose hit you harder than anything. Your eyes fluttered after your second glass, your vision fuzzy, and your heartbeat racing.

You let out a heavy sigh, unable to remember your original mission.

“Hey,” you coughed, your cheeks burning up from the toxin. You looked around the bar, only meeting Seonghwa’s eyes…..oh…they’re so pretty. “Where did everyone else go?”

He was facing you, looking at you through those sparkling irises of his. He took in a breath, crossing his arms over his chest. “Well, your brother left with that girl he was making out with earlier….San and Woo left not too long ago to go to another bar, and Mingi….” he paused, watching your expression change when mingi was mentioned. “Mingi went with them.”

“Ah,” you nodded. “Why’d you stop at mingi like that?”

He furrowed his brows. “Why’d you look like that when I mentioned him?”

You sniffled, feeling a burning sensation in your throat from all the vodka. “What do you mean?” you were too messed up to defend yourself. You didn't even know your expression changed.

“You looked…different when I said his name.”

You couldn't help but laugh at his dreary tone. “Pfft. Hwa, do you think that just because I slept with him once that I have feelings for him?”

He frowned, his eyebrows knit with confusion. “You slept with him? Mingi?”

You shrugged. “Yeah. Just once, though.” Oh god, you officially couldn't think straight. Why were you even telling him this? “But that was it.”

He looked at you with an unknown expression, flattening his lips. “So you just sleep with anyone, huh?”

You scoffed. “Well, no, not usually.” you bit your lip, looking at him without knowing how you were looking at him. “I kind of always wanted you, but I didn’t understand why, so I ignore the feeling by sleeping with other guys.”

“That makes no sense, y/n,” he spat. “What are you saying?”

You rolled your eyes, drunkenly gripping his broad shoulders, shaking him slightly. “Awh, shut it, Hwa. Haven't you ever felt that before?” you paused, not realizing how close you were. His eyes were sharp, and his lips parted. “Wanting someone you can't have? Knowing that they wouldn't want anything to do with you?”

He swallowed hard, his gaze piercing into you sharply. “You’re drunk, y/n,” he paused, looking at you intently before shaking your hands away. “Let’s go back to the hotel.”

“Oooh, don't tempt me, baby,” you poked his chest, giggling as he stood up off the barstool. You were completely oblivious to the fact that you just admitted to wanting him, but it didn't seem like he took it seriously.

“Get up,” he huffed, gripping under your arms and lifting you off your chair. You groaned, wrapping your arms around his waist. You held onto him tightly as he reached into his back pocket to grab money, tossing it onto the counter with a glare at the bartender.

“Enjoy your night,” Seonghwa growled, holding onto you, and made his way towards the hotel with you clung to him.

“Seonghwa,” you whispered, a giggle under your breath.

He grunted, pulling you along with him. “What?”

You sniffed. “Can I kiss you?”

He sighed. “No.”

“Why?” you mumbled, shoving your face into his chest.

“Because it’s your drunk habit.”

“So would you kiss me if it wasn't?” you asked, completely obliterated. There was no way you were going to remember this in the morning.

He didn't answer you.

“Come on, Hwa,” you moaned, stopping and gripping onto his collar in front of the hotel. You looked up into his eyes, feeling his intense gaze cut right through your intoxication. You needed him. Needed him bad. “Just once. God, just once.”

“I…” he swallowed, his hands twitching at his sides, crying out to touch you. He kept them away, even if he didn't want to. “Not now. Not while you’re drunk.”

You blinked slowly, watching his lips flatten into a frown. “Does that mean you want to?”

He sighed, running his hands through his hair aggressively. “Please just….let’s get back to the room and get you to bed.”

You groaned, but complied, following him into the hotel and into the elevator. The ride was silent, Seonghwa standing in the corner, farthest away from you, his breathing slowed. You stared at him, leaning up against the wall.

“I really hate you,” you mumbled, glaring at him. He was too sexy, his hair messy, his eyes dark, his long legs taller than a skyscraper. You only admitted your attraction to him when you were drunk, but you couldn't deny the pull you had to him.

He looked up at you, his starry eyes looking from your legs, up to your hips, over your breasts, and finally to your eyes. He took in a sharp breath, biting the corner of his lip.

“I hate you too,” he whispered, his vision low.

And in what world would the words I hate you cause someone’s heart to flutter?

The elevator dinged at your floor, and after a moment of longing stares, Seonghwa gripped your arm and dragged you out. He held onto your drunken body as he searched for his keycard, and once he found it, you tumbled into the room together.

Your back was pressed against the wall, his arms caging you in on both sides. His forehead was on yours, and you were able to feel his hot breath against your lips.

“Oh,” you hummed, your hands subconsciously dancing at the hem of his t-shirt. You watched his throat bob anxiously as you looked into his eyes.

It took everything in him to move away. He coughed awkwardly and then nodded toward the bed. “Come on, you need to rest.”

“Mhm,” you murmured, unable to move in a straight line. You kicked off your sandals, and pulled off your shirt with ease, leaving you only in your bra and that skimpy skirt seonghwa was looking at all night.

He watched as you walked, holding his breath without meaning to.

As you neared the bed, you reached back to unclip your bra, but you couldn't reach it. “Hwa?”

He was looking at the floor. “Hm?”

“Can you…” you paused, giving up on trying to get it off. “Take this off of me? It’s really uncomfortable.”

He blinked, his eyes wide. You couldn't see the confusion in his expression, but you heard the shakiness of his tone. “W-what? Your….bra?”

“Yeah.”

He didn't say anything else. He slowly walked over to where you were, and as his fingertips traced the middle of your back, you shivered under his touch.

He unclasped the hook, but held on to both ends of the bra, afraid to let it drop. “It’s done,” he whispered, backing up slightly.

You dropped the bra onto the floor and then reached to take off your skirt. As you slid it down your hips, you heard seonghwa nearly trip over his feet trying to turn away.

“Do you…always sleep naked?” he asked you, looking anywhere but where you were. You were way too drunk to care about what he sees, but you were also too tired to try. You fell onto the bed, your arm covering your breasts and your underwear still on.

“Fuck, y/n,” Seonghwa huffed, finally looking over and doing everything to not look where he shouldn't. He gently reached for the blanket, tossing it over you in one swift motion.

You shut your eyes tight, feeling his presence loom over you. He brushed away the stray hairs on your face and made sure you were laying on your side.

“.... I’m so screwed,” he muttered, giving you one last look before walking into the bathroom and turning on the cold water.

A cold shower, especially knowing that there was a beautiful, nearly naked girl in the bed just outside the door.

The cold water ran down his body, giving him a rush of pain.

“Fuck,” he hissed, biting his lip as his attraction to you only worsened.

—

After his attempt to cleanse his messy thoughts, Seonghwa stepped out of the bathroom, towel hanging low on his hips. He hesitated before looking over at you, and after he got a good look at your pretty face, he made his way to his luggage, rooting in there for a t-shirt to toss on.

“...seong…hwa,” you moaned.

Moaned.

“....y/n?” he whispered, maybe thinking you were awake and needed something. He didn't want to jump to conclusions, but that sounded too….sensual than just a normal tone.

“I…ugh,” you groaned, “don't stop, please. H…Hwa.”

Seonghwa raised his eyebrows, dropping the clothes he had in his hands, eyes wide.

“Seonghwa….”

Okay, that was the third time. You were most definitely dreaming about him….

“Oh…my…god.” Hwa gulped, cautiously standing up and backing away as far as he could from you.

Little did he know how detailed your dream was.

—

His hands snaked up your bare hips, your legs wrapped around his waist. His lips were on your ear, biting, teeth clashing against your skin.

He thrusted into you, hard, his hips buckling as he moaned. You cried out his name, back arching, nails scratching. He fucked you hard, his forehead against yours, and his eyes rolled back into his head.

“You like that?” he whispered, his tongue sliding into your mouth before you could answer. His sweat fell on your cheek, and you moaned out his name once more. You weren't sure how you got here, how this came about, or anything. All that mattered was that you were finally with him, the man you always thought you hated.

“…hwa,” you moaned, “fuck me harder.”

And as he slammed into you with even more force than before, his lips crashed onto yours, his black hair blocking your vision. You wanted more, and more and more—

“Y/n,”

“Just shut up and keep going,” you cried out.

“Y/N!”

You shot awake, gasping for air as your back hit the headboard. You breathed heavily, realizing that you were dreaming about all of that and that the real seonghwa was standing in front of you, shirtless, with an expression you weren't quite sure you’d ever seen before.

“Seonghwa, what—”

“S..stop it. Don't say my name,” he stuttered, looking anywhere but your body. He quickly tossed a t-shirt at you—his t-shirt. “Just put this on. The guys are down getting breakfast, so we gotta go.”

He quickly walked to his own luggage and grabbed a shirt for himself. You watched him as he tossed it on and slid on his shoes, and with one last awkward glance at you, he left the room in haste.

You were too scared to look down, hoping that you still had underwear on. You weren't too sure if that was a dream or not, but given the way he acted, it made you even more confused.

You felt the wetness between your thighs, clenching them with a sigh. You stood up, tossing on the bra that was laying on the floor as if it was thrown off of you.

After cleaning yourself up a bit, you made your way to the breakfast area on the first floor, immediately noticed by Hongjoong. “There you are! I was worried you weren't going to—” he stopped, noticing the shirt that was way too big on you. “That’s the shirt I got Hwa….”

Seonghwa cleared his throat, shoving a bagel into his mouth to distract himself.

You ignored him and sat down across from him and next to Mingi. You looked up, meeting eyes with the man you thought so filthily about, seeing a swipe of cream cheese on the bottom of his lip. You held back, knowing that it’ll just send you into another spiral if you pointed it out.

But when he stuck his tongue out to lick it off, you felt the tingle in your stomach once more, thinking back at the dream you had, and how his tongue caressed you in more ways than one.

He met eyes with you, his lips parting slightly. His gaze was much different than it ever has been. You've never seen him so….lost. His expression was conflicted, his eyes not leaving your lips.

Wooyoung smirked. “Did you guys fuck or something? What’s with the mood?”

“Wooyoung!” Hongjoong yelled.

“What? I’m just pointing out the obvious,” he shrugged.

“We didn't. Keep dreaming,” Seonghwa muttered lowly, taking another bite of his bagel.

Hongjoong huffed. “I don't want to imagine my sister and seonghwa in that way…that’s super weird.”

“Why?” seonghwa questioned, his tone serious. You looked at him, confused as to why he cared. It seemed like everyone else was just as confused as you. “Ahem, I mean…uh, is it that hard to imagine?” Seonghwa’s voice was shaky, his gaze hopping from Hongjoong to you.

It made your brother laugh. “Well, yeah. You guys hate each other, right?” he took a sip of his coffee before continuing. “It makes no sense for you to even see eye to eye, I couldn't imagine you two in any type of relationship. Maybe her and Mingi, out of everyone.”

Seonghwa dropped his bagel face down onto his plate. “Why Mingi? What’s so special about—”

“I’m right here guys….” Mingi tried to interrupt, but Seonghwa shot him a dangerous glare, causing the gentle giant to hold his tongue.

Hongjoong looked around at the boys awkwardly and picked up his fork to continue eating his eggs. “I’m just saying.”

This was too awkward. You kept stealing glances at Hwa as if he were a magnet. You assumed he felt similarly, because every time you looked, your eyes would meet, and then you would awkwardly stare for a moment too long before looking away.

And when he got up to get more food, you got up, too.

“We need to talk,” you whispered, coming right up next to him as he put a muffin on his plate. “Why are you acting weird?”

He sighed and continued to add food to his plate. “I’m not acting weird.”

As he moved to get a drink from the drink machine, you continued to follow him. “Did I do something wrong yesterday?” you gasped, holding a hand over your mouth as he still ignored you. “Did I kiss you? Dear god, I hope not—”

“No, you didn't,” he said quietly, walking back over to the table.

“Something must have happened, seonghwa—”

He stopped, nearly causing you to bump into his back. “Don't.” he paused, taking in a sharp breath, looking over his shoulder at you. “Don't say my name.”

You frowned in confusion, watching the muscles in his back move as he walked away. You couldn't remember your antics yesterday, but maybe you made him uncomfortable by sleeping nearly naked—he hated you, so you could only imagine how irritated he was.

“Listen, if it was because I was naked, I'm sorry—”

Everyone at the table looked up as you spoke, including seonghwa. He looked shy, a blush on his cheeks, and he sat down quickly and stuffed the muffin in his mouth.

“Naked?” Mingi laughed, looking from you to seonghwa suggestively. “Sounds awfully smutty, Seonghwa.”

“We didn't—” he groaned, running a hand down his face. “Nothing happened with us.”

“Mhm, okay,” San smirked. “Whatever you say. Anyway, we have a whole day out planned, so you two better get back to your normal selves or we won't have any fun.”

You really needed to talk to seonghwa, but it seemed like you'll be busy the whole day with the boys—and he didn't seem to be very interested in talking to you, anyway.

You tilted your head in curiosity.

“What are we doing?”

—

The day was eventful.

First, you went to the beach. Seemed innocent, until Seonghwa took off his shirt and got all soaking wet, sending you in a mess of thoughts and a mess below. He would look over at you, and wouldn't look away, paying intense attention to your body in a skimpy little bikini.

When you went to talk to him, he body-slammed you into the ocean, and normally you would've fumed, but this time, you enjoyed his hands on your bare skin.

After the beach, you walked along the boardwalk of shops and lots of food. You grabbed a popsicle, licking it without a thought, but when you felt an intense pressure on you, you looked over to see seonghwa looking at you with an expression you've never seen on him. His eyes were focused on your lips, his own lips curled up as he bit them. You continued to eat your popsicle, but couldn't stop looking at him.

When you tried to bring up last night, Hongjoong came over and took the rest of your pop, running away from you like a child.

At dinner, you sat at the far end of the table, as far away as possible from Seonghwa. It wasn't intended, but now there was no way you could talk, as everyone would hear your conversation.

You ate, feeling defeated. Maybe you should just forget about it.

It was still daylight after dinner. As the guys conversed about what to do next, San and Wooyoung decided to go their own way and walk the beach, which was just their code word for “shopping” for girls. Hongjoong agreed with them, shocking you since he was always hell-bent on not going off a schedule. You assumed he was just going to meet that girl he was with yesterday, but whatever, it just meant that you could be left alone with Seonghwa.

After those three left, it was only you, Seonghwa, and Mingi. Hwa stood with his hands in his pockets, awkwardly looking around as you stood outside the restaurant. Mingi was even more awkward, looking at you before speaking.

“Um, I’m just gonna go with Woo and San, so,” he breathed, looking to seonghwa now. “I’ll see you guys back at the hotel tonight.”

“Okay, Mingi,” you smiled. “See you later.”

You watched him leave and then looked at the boy standing next to you.

“So,” you tried to initiate conversation, but seonghwa started walking in the opposite direction from where everyone else went. You followed. “What should we do?”

“I’m going surfing,” he said blandly. “I don't know about you, though.”

“I’ll come with you,” you smiled, finally catching up to him. He let out an aggravated groan as you walked close to him. “Do you even know how to surf?”

He scoffed. “Yeah, of course, I do.”

“I’m just saying,” you noted, shrugging as you followed him. “You’re too….dainty. I feel like if you fell off you’d break every bone in your body.”

Seonghwa didn't react in any way you were hoping he would. Instead, he kept walking silently, until you reached the part of the beach where the surf shack was. Wetsuits were laid out, ready to be picked up, and surfboards stood tall through the sand and against the building. You stared in awe as you approached, seeing that there was no one else here but you two.

Finally, alone at last.

“Grab a suit if you’re gonna do this,” he pointed to them, raising an eyebrow when you stood there anxiously. “What? Don't you know how to surf?” he mocked.

You kicked at the sand, your hands behind your back. “Pff. yeah, of course, I….no. I don't.” you pleaded with your eyes sweetly, despite all of the dirty things you wanted to do to him. “Could you please teach me? Pretty please?”

He held his own suit close to his chest as he looked down at you. “Why should I?”

You stepped closer to him, causing him to step back cautiously. “Because I’m pretty?”

“Oh honey, who lied to you?” he joked.

“Please, Seonghwa?” you stressed his name, hoping to break him. You watched his eye twitch as you said it, reminding you of earlier when he told you not to say his name.

“Seonghwa seonghwa seonghwa seong—”

“Okay, fine! Jeez,” he huffed, tossing you a suit, only for it to hit you in the face. “Get dressed.”

You walked into the shack with him, going your separate ways at the locker rooms. Everything went smoothly until you tried to zipper the suit up, only being able to get it halfway. You pondered on asking seonghwa for help or completely turning into a contortionist, but after failing to do it yourself, you gave up and left the room to ask him.

Seonghwa stood amongst the surfboards, his lean body looking delicious in that surf suit. You nearly drooled looking at him.

“Hey,” you started, slowly approaching him as he picked out a board. “Can you help me zipper this?”

He turned to you, his expression conflicted as he saw you. You turned around, showing your exposed back, causing him to clear his throat. “O..okay.”

His delicate fingers brushed against the skin of your back, nearly causing you to shiver. You felt his breath hit the back of your neck as the zipper moved up and up until he zipped it completely.

“....There,” he said, swallowing. “You’re all good.”

He didn't move his hands until you pulled away from him, turning back around to face him. The silence was deafening, so you decided to break it.

“Seonghwa, about last night, what exactly happened—”

“Let’s just get started before the sun goes down,” he interrupted, looking anywhere but your eyes. “We’ll talk later.”

That was good enough for now. You watched him try to pick out a board, but he seemed extremely nervous. After a good bit of time, he grabbed a pink one, causing you to smile. Pink suited him so much, more than he’d probably like to admit.

“Let’s start with some basics,” he spoke smoothly, tossing the board down onto the sand. “Get on it. On your stomach.”

You lay down on the board, looking up at him for more directions. He taught you how to paddle with your arms, explaining that you'll have to dive under the waves sometimes if you were okay with doing that. You couldn't look weak now, especially not to him. So after the little training lesson, you were finally in the shallow water, sand already in every nook and cranny of you.

“Try to keep balance,” he said, his voice raspy. It wasn't the time to turn you on, but of course, he could do it just by his voice. “Keep your chest up.” his hand caressed your back, down your spine.

You looked up at him, his wet hair dripping down his face. You held back, as much as you could, from pouncing on him.

But when you fell off the board and got stuck underwater, you’ve never seen him so concerned before.

He grabbed you under your arms, pulling you back up and holding him to you while you coughed. You were perfectly fine—maybe a little too much water in the ears, but it was the least of your worries. What you cared about was the look on his face and the way he caged you to his body.

“y/n?” he rushed his hand over your face, pushing away your drenched hair so he could see you. “Are you okay?”

You coughed, blinking away the salt that infiltrated your eyes. Seonghwa noticed your distress and gently rubbed your face with the pad of his thumb.

“Don't rub your eyes,” he pushed your hand away, still not letting you go from his embrace. “You'll make it worse.”

“It hurts,” you mumbled, causing his look of worry to worsen. True, the salt started burning your eyes, but you couldn't get enough of his caring touch—maybe because he’s never shown this side of himself to you.

He took in an anxious breath as he looked around. “Maybe we should get back to the hotel,” he spoke softly, the sound of water filling your senses as you looked at him.

Everything about his appearance aggravated you—from the way his midnight hair draped his face, dripping with water down his cheeks, to the way his normally judgemental eyes seemed gentle and sweet. He looked kind, the type of man who would worship his lover like a queen, and all the time knowing him, you tried your hardest to only see him in a negative light.

Now, as he held you in the cold, sparkling ocean as the sun was setting, all you saw was your reflection in his eyes and all you felt was the undeniable pull to be with him. To touch him. To kiss him. To tell him that maybe, just maybe, you’ve always had a piece of him in your heart.

“Seonghwa, I…” you paused, ignoring the burn from the salt water. You watched his lips as they slowly parted, his eyes wide as he picked you apart. They looked at you differently, like they never looked at you before, and you wanted him to never stop looking at you.

The distance between the two of you was nonexistent—you saw every drop of water on his skin, and you were certain he was able to gather the meaning behind your gaze. If he did, he didn't say anything—he only looked back at you with those entrancing irises of his, a look you’ve never seen from him. He waited patiently for you to finish your sentence, but you had nothing else to say.

As your lips neared his, you heard his breath get caught in his throat, and you felt his embrace tighten around you. You closed your eyes, taking in the feeling, hoping that he would be the one to lean in and meet your lips.

He didn't.

Instead, his hands trailed down your back, the pink surfboard still floating next to you despite being forgotten. His breath was shaky as he touched you, but the moment ended too quickly as he shook himself out of his trance.

“I um, we should, you know,” he nodded towards the beach, even though you weren't too far out. “We should get back to the room.”

You slowly blinked at him, watching his expression stay the same despite the change of mind. He coughed, letting go of you, but then he grabbed your hand and the board before pulling you to shore.

The walk back was quiet. He didn't let go of your hand until you got back to the surf shack, and he reluctantly let go knowing you had to change.

You both were silent as you looked at each other, but the ache in your chest convinced you to break this tension.

Before you entered the changing room, you quickly turned back around to face seonghwa, who still stood with that….sex-charged expression on his face.

“….Stop looking at me like that,” you hummed, your chest heavy as he breathed in deeply. He looked at you with those bedroom eyes of his, half of his wetsuit already off. He looked deadly, which didn't help your desire.

He swallowed hard but tried his best to remain calm. “Like what?”

You took a step closer, reaching back to your zipper to pull it down just a little. You shrugged it down your bare shoulders, making sure he got to know that there was nothing else but you under that wetsuit once again.

And when you got as close as you could, you said the words you knew would be life or death for him.

“Like you want to fuck me,” you shrugged, acting all cool even though you were falling apart by the second. You were lucky you were at the surf shack at such a late time of day, and that no one else was here except you.

He choked on air, stepping away from you until his back hit the wall. You noticed how his chest rose and fell as he breathed in, and how delicious it would be to just lick him all over….

“I…” he gulped, but his eyes lingered on your shoulders and the curve of your breasts. “I don't know what you mean?”

You smiled through your haze, mind focused on getting to the bottom of his sudden change of attitude towards you. You reached out, gently guiding your hand down the plain of his chest, down his slim, but muscular waist. Oh, you couldn't get enough of him already.

You smirked. “Then tell me why you’ve been eye fucking me all day, or at least what happened last night, so I can understand.”

He blinked fast, looking from your lips, down your neck, to your bare shoulders.

“You…” he took in a sharp breath as your hands trailed down his body. “You sleeptalk.”

“I know that already,” you whispered, looking into his captivating gaze.

He leaned forward slightly, veins popping in his neck as he strained against his judgment. “I mean, you…kept moaning my name. I…I couldn't take it anymore….I can't take it anymore. Every time you speak I just want to fucking shut you up with my mouth for fucks sake.” he huffed, subconsciously gripping your hips as he grits his teeth. “You so annoying, so damn annoying, I can't—”

“Then take me,” you spoke against his lips. “Fuck me. Just like you did in my dreams.”

His forehead pressed against yours as you pushed him further against the wall.

“And how did I do that?” he growled, his fingertips tugging at your wetsuit. “Was I rough? Gentle?” he paused, lips pressed to your neck. “Did I make you say my name, or was that all you with that filthy little mouth of yours?”

You couldn't speak as his lips glided down your neck to your collarbone. He sucked on the skin there, roughly, causing you to suck in a sharp breath and run your hands through his dripping-wet hair.

You moaned, biting his earlobe. “I want you to tear me apart.”

He smirked against your skin, his eyes finally meeting yours.

“Rough it is, then.”

Without warning, he bit his lip hard as he pulled your wetsuit right down to your ankles, the water from his hair dripping onto your bare shoulders. He nearly growled as you stood in front of him, naked as ever, his gaze darkening before gripping the back of your neck to pull you to him.

As he sucked on your neck, you pulled down his suit with aggression, not quick enough for the hunger in both of your souls. His hot breath tickled your skin, his hands clawed at your hips, and his lips begged to kiss yours as you shoved him against the wall once again, skin on skin. He breathed heavily, his eyes dancing from your breasts to your waist, to your lips.

You gripped onto his hair, staring into his eyes for a moment before you locked your lips with his, tasting the saltiness of the ocean and the sweet warmth of his saliva. Your tongues fought for their lives, dancing as you deepened the kiss. Foreheads slamming, hands invading space. It was all over for your sanity the minute his long fingers glided against your core, his middle finger finding your clit and rubbing gently. His kisses were rough as his fingers delicately touched you, fueling the fire within you even more than it already was.

“Seonghwa,” you moaned against his ear, causing him to move his hand faster with a grunt. “Push them in me.”

He hissed, his eyes rolling back into his head as he pulled his hands away for a moment, only to suck his fingers in front of you before shoving them into you, curling them up inside you. You arched your back against him, crying out as his lips found yours once again.

He kissed you deeply as he made love to you with his hands, his fingers long enough to reach deep inside of you—but it wasn't enough. You bit his lip sharply as he fingered you, causing him to hiss in pleasure. “I need your cock in me. Now.” you licked his jawline, watching him squirm in your embrace.

His cheeks were flushed red as he looked at you, his eyes looking as if he were intoxicated. “I…fuck,” he sucked in a breath, kissing you as his fingers moved faster and faster. “Okay.”

As he pulled his fingers out of you, he licked them once more, his eyes on yours seductively.

“You taste so good.” he moaned, his mouth parted. He then lifted you up, walking you over to the table of waxed surfboards in the middle of the room. Shoving everything off with one hand, he threw you onto the wood, causing you to let out a little grunt.

“You’re so sexy,” he leaned over you, slamming your hands above your head before silencing your moans with a rough kiss. “So fucking sexy, you have no idea how long I wanted to shove my dick inside you.” His words were like gasoline to your fire, causing you to cry out in a whimper for him to do exactly what he said he would do. You kept your mouth shut as he tugged you to the edge of the table, lining up his hard-on to enter you.

After a look of longing, he spit onto his fingers and rubbed them onto his cock and your heat, his chest falling and rising with his heavy breathing. He then buried himself inside you, deeply, causing your breath to hitch. He was even bigger than your dreams, tearing apart your expectations of his skills. You tried your best to free your arms from his hold, but as he moved in and out of you, you had lost the desire to escape it. You really liked the feeling of his fingernails tearing into your skin.

“Ah,” he whimpered, his hips rocking quickly, his eyes shut tight. His thrusts were deep, not slowing down for a second.

Your legs curled around his shoulders, his one arm holding your hands and his other piercing into your ankle. He grunted as he pumped into you, tearing at your insides, feeling him fill you up. “Hwa,” you groaned, back arching in pleasure. “Harder. Fuck me harder.”

He grunted in response, speeding up faster as his hips slammed into yours. You felt him quiver inside you, precum dripping into you without a care. You loved the feeling, you didn't care about the risks in the moment.

You climaxed without warning, your legs tightening around his head. He kept muttering your name over and over again against you, kissing the skin of your ankles as he continued to fuck the living shit out of you. You started to see stars as he nearly cracked your spine, and right before he nearly came, he flipped you over onto your stomach without ever leaving you.

Your face was shoved against the wood of the table, the sweet smell of sex enveloping your senses. You cried out his name as he gripped onto your hips, moving faster as his own orgasm came close. His lips met the small of your back, his fingers gripped your ass with haste.

“I’m going to come,” he mumbled, his voice raspy. “Can I come in you?”

“Yes,” you breathed. “Come inside me.”

As if your words stirred something within him, he immediately moved in shorter movements, his grip on your ass tightening as his orgasm came. His breathing shallowed as he came into you, filling you up with his cum. You let out one last moan as you felt his warmth, and he kissed the back of your neck as he finished.

He pulled out of you slowly despite how rough he was—he could've been rougher, but you didn't want him to think of you as the insane slut everyone thought you were.

Even though you only ever slept with others because you couldn't have him.

And now…..what comes next?

He helped you sit back up to a normal position, and when he saw the dark, purple bruises on your neck and collarbone, he gasped. “Oh, I’m sorry,” his fingers gently brushed against your hot skin as if he didn't just totally destroy you. “I kind of….went crazy, didn't I?”

You smiled up at him in a daze, both your cheeks blushed in embarrassment and enjoyment. “I like crazy.”

He paused, standing proudly in front of you with that delicious body of his. You sighed in contentment, a lazy smile on your lips. “I dreamt of this. Literally.” you reached out to him, pulling his lips down to yours. He kissed them softly, opening his mouth wide as he made out with you. You didn't want to pull away, but as the thought of you both having sex in a public surf shack came to your mind, you pulled away quickly, startling him.

“Um, so,” you laughed awkwardly. “Should we head back now? We are kind of in a public place….”

Seonghwa looked around, smirking as he leaned forward on the table, kissing you once more. “It was kind of thrilling, not gonna lie.”

You leaned into his embrace, his hands caressing your back romantically. “So,” you whispered against his lips. “We should get back. And this time, you better sleep in the bed with me.”

“Oh, baby, I plan on doing more than just sleeping.”

—

After countless rounds of ‘sleeping’, you ended up waking up late in Seonghwa’s embrace, his lips pressed against the curve of your shoulder as he held you. He quite literally rocked you all night long, and you even discovered his love for reverse cowgirl—making him come within two minutes of the fifth round.

Now, as you lay in his arms while he slept, you finally felt content. He was all you ever wanted, even though your words said otherwise this whole time of knowing him.

“Hey,” you turned around in his embrace, pressing your lips against his forehead. “Seonghwa.”

“Hm?” he grumbled sleepily, his eyes blinking open to meet yours.

You smiled, running a hand through his messy hair. “We should get up. The others are probably waiting for us in the lobby.”

“Ugh, why?” he groaned, holding onto you tighter. “ I don't want to leave this bed today. Or ever.”

You giggled, pecking his lips. “Come on, Hwa. I really would like to get a tan on the sand today.”

His eyes were wide open now, but he blinked slowly from his sleepiness. “We barely got any sleep,” he huffed, shoving his head into your shoulder. “And I can't kiss you in front of everyone, I can't wait the whole day to touch you.”

You grinned chaotically.

“Who says we have to hide it?”

—

“Dear lord,” Wooyoung huffed, sitting with his arms crossed at the beach. “Are they ever going to stop and come up for air?”

Your friends sat on towels on the sand, while you sat on Seonghwa’s lap as you made out with him. His hands gripped your face as he stuck his tongue in your mouth, both of you having no care for those around you.

“I knew this was going to happen,” San mumbled with a smirk, elbowing Wooyoung playfully. “Just let them have their fun. It’s been a long time coming.”

“Pfft,” Woo scoffed, looking at how seonghwa touched you.

“I always thought I would be the one tapping that.”

“Wooyoung shut the fuck up.”

#ateez #ateez smut #ateez fanfic #ateez seonghwa #park seonghwa #seonghwa #seonghwa x reader #seonghwa smut #roomates #vacation au #ateez masterlist #enemies to lovers #fwb #wooyoung #San #mingi #Hongjoong

2K notes · View notes

kooklovee · 8 months

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Jungkook- ff recs masterlist 🔞

So here's my fav Jungkook ffs of all time plus a MUST READ compilation 💌.

All the recommended ffs are 18+ so MDNI!!

S: smut | A: angst | F: fluff | ❤️: extreme favs

(fics are not ordered in any specific order of preference and neither do they entertain infidelity or any major triggering themes 🙃)

Starting off with the 2 most "SEVEN" mv inspired one shots I've read till now -

■ Night after night by @brown-bi-beautiful ❤️ ( S, A, F )

■ Devoted to trouble by @jeonsweetpea (S, slight A, F)

Seven days a week by @jjkeverlast (S, slight A, F)

Thirteen rounds by @moni-logues (S)

Slow motion by @rerefundslocals(S, A, F)

@personasintro 's masterlist ❤️

Legit ALL her ffs are TOP NOTCH. So here's link to her entire masterlist. Fav author for a reason 💜

Ps - Mutual help & Away from you are Ultimate lovee!

Stay with me by @jungk0oksthighs ❤️(S, A, F)

Reminder by @dollfaceksj ❤️ (S, A, F)

Over wine (Ongoing) by @koocycle (S, A)

There's no way by @redjoonie (S, slight A, F)

Seven ways to sunday (Ongoing) by @jeonjcngkook (S)

Bad Omega, Sweet Omega JJK by @helenazbmrskai (S, A)

Drabble collection by @onlyswan (F)

Office break by @vminizzle (S)

Two point five by @bratkook (S, F)

My you by @wnderkoo (S, slight A, F)

This is how we break by @ahundredtimesover (S, A)

Unplanned night by @vminizzle ❤️ (S)

Rolling stone by @kooktrash (S, A)

4-7-8 by @jiminrings (S, heavy A, F)

Sleepless nights by @wnderkoo (S, F)

Backstage quickies by @btsqualityy ❤️ (S)

So good by @ggukiepie ❤️ (S)

Lost on you by @letjungcoook7 (S)

Cramped quarters by @btsqualityy (S)

Kink series by @btsqualityy ❤️ (S)

Bts reactions by @cheolhub (S)

Early riser by @moni-logues (S)

Bf!Jk drabble by @letjungcoook7 (S)

Standing next to you by @back2bluesidex (S)

On my mind by @angelguk ❤️ (S)

Ceo!Jk one shot by @letjungcoook7 (S, slight A)

All over again by @jungkookstatts ❤️ (S, F)

Return the favor by @back2bluesidex (S, F)

Jk!drabble by @borathae (S)

The bet by @letjungcoook7 (S)

Bf!Jk (kinda break up au) by @letjungcoook7 (S, A)

Bf!Jungkook by @jungkookstatts ❤️ (S, F)

Cherry flavored by @jungkookstatts ❤️ (S, F)

Black dye by @mercurygguk (S, F)

When the end comes by @oddinary4bts ❤️ (S, F, huge A) happy ending tho

Down on you by @ki-yomii ❤️ (S)

I want you to stay by @ahundredtimesover (Ongoing)

Birthday boy by @jeonfics (S)

Wishing for you by @kookiestarlight (S, A, F)

Guilty Pleasures (Ongoing) by @kookslastbutton (S, A)

The violence of the dog days by @youarewhatyoulove-blog ❤️ (S, F)

1K notes · View notes

jkbabiey · 1 year

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a lot more

Pairing: fwb!jkxreader(f)

Genre: fluf; smut; slight angst; college!AU: fwb2lovers!AU

Warnings: dom!jk, sub!reader (they try to switch it up but it’s just not in them), athlete!jk, medstudent!reader, rough sex, praise kink, spit kink, slight overstimulation, worried kook, anxiety :(

Jungkook knew, when you texted him a 'come over' at 11:56PM on a Sunday, that college was kicking your ass. It was finals period so the real question was who's ass wasn't being kicked, but he knew it took a lot for you to admit your ass was being kicked, yet you did text him a straight-up invite to fuck - instead of calling him and beating around the bush to see who'd cave first like you always did.

Obviously, being Jeon Jungkook, he didn't even think of complaining or refusing your invite but you both knew there would be a snarky little teasing remark about your urgency to be with him. He had thought of a million ways to tease you on the way to your dorm. Still, as soon as you opened the door to your room all of the witticisms that had come to his mind throughout the ride vanished, leaving him with furrowed eyebrows and pursed lips, while his eyes analyzed your freshly washed hair, your deep dark circles, and your chapped lips. You didn't greet him, opting to just turn around, walk to the kitchen to get a bottle of cold water, and leave him to close the door on his way in.

Jungkook found this - not being greeted with a smile and a kiss on the cheek, like always - weird, to say the least. Among every single soul he had gotten to know in his two years as a college student, you had to be the kindest, sweetest, and warmest person he had ever met, which contrasted a lot with the rest of the people he knew. Most people in college, at least in the environment he was in being an athlete and belonging to a frat, got a little consumed by the freedom of being in college and away from parents and further responsibilities, and most often than not got a little presumptuous and a tiny bit too extroverted, surrendering to bad habits.

You weren't like that tho. You were still in your first year of college and hadn't experienced the tumultuous life of college parties and alcohol because (1) you didn't exactly get along with the popular people that got invited to parties and (2) even if you did get invited to parties, you didn't really like them - too many people and way too loud music. Jungkook had met you in the coffee shop you worked in. It was near college and had the best iced coffee ever. You were a pretty girl and had a cute smile so you immediately caught his attention but he didn't even try to get your number because you just emanated that quirky nerdy energy to you and that was exactly what he wasn't looking for in a girl. Basically you were far from anything close to his type. Actually, he wasn't even looking for a girl - his life was busy already and the last thing he needed was another distraction.

Still, there was no denying you when a month of stolen glances and shy smiles passed and you handed Jungkook his cup of iced coffee with your number written under his name on the name tag. He remembers panicking and not taking any advances toward you the week after you gave him your number. He didn't even go to get coffee through that week. You genuinely thought you had scarred the man away. But after he saw you in a denim skirt and a black crop top walking through uni, he couldn't help but send you a little text.

Since then you two had been casually hanging out - which was a way of saying you had been having casual sex, with absolutely no strings attached and no expectations from either side. Jungkook did consider you a friend and he thought your playful banter and fun conversations meant you also saw him as a close friend. And you two had gotten closer than a lot of Jungkook's other friends because, in his eyes, you were without a doubt the most genuine person he had ever met and you always brought a feeling of freshness with you whenever you two got together. He liked you.

He came inside your room to see what seemed like anatomy sketches and notes sprawled everywhere on your bedroom floor. "Is everything ok?" he asked once you came into your room with your water bottle. "Yeah, I've just been having a hard time focusing and decided to take a break and go take a cold shower," you said, your voice sweet as ever. You set the water bottle on top of your wooded desk and walked towards him in your tank top and tight pajama shorts. "Thought you could help me focus a little better too," you whispered, enveloping his neck with both your arms. His hands were automatically placed on your hips while his head reached down to gently kiss you on the lips.

You guided him to seat on the edge of your bed while still kissing him and straddled his lap with your legs on each side of his hips, feeling his big hands groping the flesh of your thighs. You griped the thin dark hairs on the bottom of his head and pulled them a little, smiling against Jungkook's lips when he gasped against you at the little pull.

Jungkook wasn't exactly convinced that everything was okay and that you were just having trouble focusing. He knew you struggled with anxiety and could get a little too lost in your studies, even forgetting to take care of yourself.

You felt Jungkook's hand land on your right arm to pull you back a little "W-wait y/n, is everything okay? Have you eaten today?" he asked, watching your brows furrow and your legs starting to get off of his lap. You stood up, the annoyance was obvious on your expression and Jungkook had never even seen an ounce of that on you.

"Why do you care?" you asked, angry but still wearing the same quiet and sweet as honey tone of voice. "Listen, I really have to study. I called you here for a reason but if you're not in the mood, you should go. I have things to do and I don't want to waste my tim-"

"Ok, ok," Jungkook muttered seeing as your face started getting red and your behavior became more and more erratic and restless. "Come back here," he reached for your hand, pulling you into him once again and forcing you to sit back on his lap. And you did, looking down at your hands while Jungkook placed his hands on your hips and stayed quiet, just looking at you with a soft look in his eyes.

"I'm fine, I just need to relieve some tension," you quietly explained, fidgeting with your fingers like a little kid on Jungkook's lap.

"I get it," he whispered as his lips started puckering little kisses all the way from your cheek to the skin of your neck. You rested your arms on his shoulders, pulling him closer and letting him suckle on your neck. "I'll make you feel good."

In a second his hands were under your tank top, fondling your braless chest while you rolled your hips down into his, moaning into his hair as you felt his hardening length poking your leg. You reached down his back grabbed his sweatshirt and tugged it up to try and get it on your floor. Sensing your struggle with his clothes, Jungkook maneuvered to free himself of his sweatshirt and rid you of your tank top too. Almost automatically Jungkook's mouth was on your right nipple, his tongue massaging it and teasing you with little bites, while his hand fondled your other breast. You tilted your head back in pleasure, letting out breathy moans of Jungkook's name to which he buckled his hips up.

Soon both your sleeping shorts and his jeans were next to the rest of your clothing and Jungkook's fingers were cupping your heat. "God, you're so wet," Jungkook whimpered feeling the wetness already sipping through your panties, immediately pulling them to the side and running two of his fingers through your slit. “Bet you spent the whole day thinking of my cock, haven’t you?”

You nodded and hissed at the feeling of Jungkook inserting two of his fingers inside you abruptly, and pumping them in and out in a fast motion, not even giving you the time to adjust. Everything about Jungkook was big - his height, his cock, his fingers. Two of his fingers were thicker that three of yours, which was all you could handle when you played with yourself, but whenever you and Jungkook got together you knew you needed the preparation.

"I need you," you whined and he chuckled, husky and teasing, with his plump lips just beside your ear. You reached for the waistband of his boxers and pulled them down to reveal his hard shaft, that hit his abdomen. So close to you you could feel its heat. You humped your hips against his thighs, trying to get some friction after he removed his fingers from your pussy, and heard Jungkook groan, feeling the urgency in your hasty movements, watching the desire in your eyes, and earing the neediness in your high-pitched moans.

“You think you can take me already?” he asked, half serious, half teasing, and you nodded quickly, watching the smug grin on Jungkook’s face grow.

You always got so lost whenever Jungkook was near. His presence alone was intoxicating. He was able to overpower the habitual struggle of always reaching for something, always aiming to be someone. He allowed you to be whoever you were. He allowed you to be no one if that's what you wanted - he always managed to make you feel hyperaware of every single sensation that sparked through your body and that was enough. With Jungkook, you could fall apart. He'd be the death of you and you'd let him.

He reached down, grabbing your hips and lifting you a little so his dick would align with your entrance. He let you fall suddenly so his entire length would penetrate you and you hissed, shutting your eyes closed at the sudden intrusion. No matter how many times you two did this, you'd never get used to Jungkook's size. He reached his hand in between your sweaty bodies and quickly found your clit, rubbing quick circles against the hard nub.

"C'mon baby, move," he groaned before thrusting his hips up harshly. You cried out and he moved forward to envelop your waist in his arms, pressing light feathery kisses against your temple. "Be a good girl and fuck yourself on my dick."

You settled your knees on the space next to his hips, on each side, finding support to move on top of him, and placed your tiny hands on Jungkook's strong shoulders. You moved your body all the way up slowly until only his tip was inside of you. And then started moving back down at the same slow pace, defeatedly crying out at the size of him. "That's it, slow and steady baby," his voice guttural as his lips ghosted on yours, barely touching.

You repeated the motion, starting to fasten your pace when the burn of his size subsided and all that was left was the pleasure of feeling completely full of his cock. "You fill me up so good, Kook,” you whimpered and heard the deep groan Jungkook left out. He was losing patience. Jungkook wasn't a patient man and you knew that the pace at which you could comfortably ride him wasn't the pace he could reach when he was in control. Jungkook was an animalistic lover, going fucking feral whenever he got to be inside your pussy. You could see the self-control in his expression, the clenched jaw, shut eyes, and furrowed brows said it all for you.

It didn't take long until his self-control went out the window. All it took was a loud cry of his name out your mouth when you rolled your hips in a certain way so that your clit would rub against his pelvis. He thrust his hips up roughly, his abs clenching and let out a high-pitched whimper at the feeling of your walls clenching around him. He then planted his feet firmly against the floor of your bedroom and leaned back, laying himself down on the matters and bringing your forwards with him. He placed both his hands on your ass cheeks, grabbing them hard and spreading them to start to fuck up into you, setting the pace that he wanted, rough and fast. You leaned forward, clinging to every single portion of skin you could touch, screaming out moans of pleasure.

"Fuck, love this pussy so much, always so warm and tight," he groaned into your hair and grabbed your waist so he could lay you down on the mattress, now on your back. He settled between your legs, grabbing your thighs and opening them as wide as they could possibly go, aligning himself with your hole, and going back to fucking you mercilessly. His eyes fluttered and the drag of your velvety walls against the sensitive skin of his dick, and his lips brushing against yours.

Jungkook groaned at the sound of your wet pussy sucking his cock in, reaching his hand up to roughly grab your face, forcefully pressing his fingers against your jaw. Your teary eyes locked with his lustful ones just for him to messily press an open-mouthed kiss to your lips. You couldn't keep up with his pace. You never could and you loved it that way. You loved just how messy he always made you. You loved how he used your body like you were a lifeless fuck doll, with little to no care about how you felt. You loved it just the way he did it. You loved to be fucked hard and fast.

Jungkook got on his knees, grabbing both your legs to support them on his shoulders, chasing his own pleasure. He reached so deep inside of you in the new position you felt your eyes roll back. His eyes opened and he took your fucked out figure in - teary eyes, heavy breaths, plump red lips wet with drool, wild messy hair, sweaty shiny skin, his dick poking your tummy every time he went in deep. You're so tiny compared to him, sometimes he wonders how you could take his huge cock like you always do.

"You're perfect, so fucking beautiful," he whispered reaching forward to bring his lips to yours. He pressed a messy kiss to your lips, his hips still pistoning against yours. "Such a pretty, pretty girl," he whined against your lips before pressing another kiss to them, this one softer and lighter. You brought your hands up his back, scratching him in the process and he let out a breathy moan, whiny and needy.

"Fuck Kook, I'm almost there," you cried out and Jungkook reached between your bodies to rub your clit. Gasps and moans flew out your mouth as he fastened his pace.

"Come for me, princess," and you do, going over the edge quickly after you feel his fingers pinching your clit, your pussy squelching every time he bottoms out while his fingers continued circling your sensitive nub. You feel his pace slowing down and his cock throbs from the feeling of your pussy tightening around his dick. He pulled back to watch the point where your bodies connected, the way his shiny cock went all the way in and out until only his tip was left, and then back to the warmth of your pussy, and the way your juices coated the whole length of his dick and pooled on your ass too to the point where your sheets were soaked.

Jungkook grabbed your hips, lifting them slightly and going back to the furious pace he'd set earlier, chasing an orgasm of his own, not caring at all about how overstimulated you were. You gasped and clenched the sheets under you in your fists, biting your bottom lip.

"Open your mouth," Jungkook groaned, leaning forward closer to your face. You did as told and soon after he spit in your mouth,, a bit of drool hitting your cheek instead of your mouth and he instantly feels your walls tightening once again around his cock. You instantly swallow it and he's caught off guard when you gather the spit on your cheek onto your finger and suck it clean. "Such a fucking slut," he moaned and felt his cock throb inside you. His brain was heady with lust and he could think of nothing except for your pussy. He couldn't control the volume of his moans when you reached down to rub your clit, warning him of a second orgasm. He loses it, rutting into you like a desperate beast until ribbons of white cum are spewing out of his dick and stuffing you full. The feeling of his cum inside you sent you over the edge once again and you're gasping and crying out along with him, as the tightening of your walls prolongs his high.

Jungkook fell heavy on top of you and your hands were quickly directed to his dark locks of hair, now partially drenched in sweat. You felt his heavy breaths against the skin of your neck and his panting chest against yours.

"Was I too rough?" he asked after a few minutes of just laying there and recomposing his breathing paces.

"No, it was just what I needed," you answered and he chuckled, pressing a quick peck against your neck, tickling you.

"Can I stay the night? Don't feel like driving back home," he asked, finally getting off you to lay on his back, next to you instead.

"I don't think I'm gonna sleep tonight," you answered nuzzling your face against Jungkook's chest. "You can sleep here though, no problem."

"What do you mean you're not gonna sleep tonight?" he asked, his voice sounding a lot more worried already. "Don't you have class tomorrow?"

"Yeah, but I have an exam on friday and I couldn't study properly the whole day, so I'll study now."

"Y/n, you need to rest. You spent the whole weekend studying. You're coming to sleep with me now," he argued, standing up from your bed and trying to grab your hand to take you to take a bath.

"Kook, I already said I have to study. You're not entitled to just tell me what to do. I already decided I will spend the night studying and you can't tell me not to!" you snapped and Jungkook raised his hands in defeat. He moved and started to grab his clothes and get dressed, while you sat up on your bed. "What are you doing?"

"Going home. If you already decided you're gonna spend the night studying like a fucking maniac I might as well go sleep in my own bed," he grumbled and you just watched him getting dressed, trying to figure out if this was your fault or if he was being an actual asshole for not respecting your schedules.

"Are you seriously getting mad at me because I need to study?"

"I'm not mad y/n," he sighed. "I just think that you can't take care of yourself for shit. I'm sure all you've eaten since Friday was a fucking apple and two protein bars and you're probably running on two hours of sleep. And now I try to help and you lash out at me?" he expresses his anger in the calmest way possible and his eyes don't express anything other than worrisome. "I'm going home, now. Do whatever you want," he said, coming closer to you, that were still seating down on your bed, and leaning down to press a kiss against your forehead. He was angry but he wouldn’t just leave without a kiss because that would just give you something else to overthink about. He always kissed your forehead on his way out.

He was driving towards his house but you still persisted in his mind. Had you slept at all throughout the whole weekend? And what exactly had you eaten in the last two days? Also, tomorrow was Monday and your first class was at 9AM from what he remembered from the timetable you had stuck on your bedroom door. So how were you planning on not sleeping?

He doesn't remember making any rational decision to stop in front of a convenience store to buy two boxes of instant chicken noodles and a pack of tea bags. He didn't exactly think it through. It was just a random thought that popped out and he just did it, like it was second nature to take care of you.

Suddenly, he was back at your door, knocking on the door, to find you already washed up, and brushing your teeth. "Wha- are yo-doin- here?" you asked, words muffled from the toothbrush in your mouth.

"I brought noodles because you actually have to eat something and you're having a cup of tea after to calm your nerves, so you can come to bed with me. Does that sound good?"

"Kook-"

"I don't even care, you have no choice. You are going to sleep tonight. I'm not letting you fuck up your body and your health over an exam," he interrupted you, already angry and the furrowed brows were back to tell you that he wasn't taking no for an answer anytime soon. And then he turned his back to you, walking towards your tiny kitchen to start cooking the noodles, apparently still angry.

You finished brushing your teeth and then walked up to Jungkook, a huge smile on your face that he didn't see because his broad back was turned to you. You enveloped his waist with your arms.

"Thank you for taking care of me," you whispered and he turned back to you, picking you up to take you in his arms as if you were a total baby as your legs circled his torso.

"Well, someone has to," he answered with a teasing smile on his lips, and you quickly leaned forward to kiss it away. "Now, you're staying up here. I don't know to which extent you won't just faint from how long you haven't eaten if I put you down."

Eventually, he did let you down and you two finished cooking together. After you ate together in comfortable silence he made you tea, which you drank in the warmth of your bed and then you laid down as he wrapped your body in his arms.

"Oh I forgot to tell you," you exclaimed from the space between Jungkook's shoulder and neck, where your face was nuzzled. "You're a great stress relief, I'll start calling you every time I'm having a nervous breakdown," you laughed and Jungkook's arms got tighter around you.

"You know you can, right? Call me if you are having a nervous breakdown, I mean," he whispered against your hair.

When you and Jungkook started hanging out, it wasn’t suposed to unvolve any kind of commitment. You were studying medicine and he was an athlete. You both had busy lives and a relationship was the last thing you needed. Everyone needed good sex from time to time tho, so that’s what you agreed on.

But you meant a lot more that just sex to Jungkook. And Jungkook’s meant a lot more than sex to you.

“I will, from now on.” you whispered, looking him in the eye and sending him a gentle smile.

It was in the way Jungkook’s arms were the most comfortable place you could think of even if you thought of your own home. There was no other place you’d rather be, when you’re in his arms. Nothing felt more like home than his arms. And it’s in the way the smell of your hair and the tone of your voice lifted the weight Jungkook was used to carry on his shoulders throughout the whole week. He could relax completely around you. He knew that when he was with you there was no pressure. You accepted him just the way he was. It’s in the way you loved when Jungkook’s eyes shone brighter when he talked about his passions or in the way he loved to take you to new restaurants because he couldn’t get enough of you childishly humming and dancing to random songs when you tasted food you liked.

It was in the way you just laid down that night and stared at each other for minutes on end, not saying a word. And in the way he moved his hand to run his fingers through your hair. And in the way you roamed your eyes throught his face, just to end up kissing his lips gently. And in the way you just closed your eyes, going to sleep with your arms around each other.

It all meant a lot more, and you both knew it.

#jungkook #jeon jungkook #jungkook reaction #jungkook smut #jungkook scenario #jungkook scenarios #jungkook fanfic #jungkook doctor au #jungkook fic #jungkook fluff #jungkook angst #jungkook college au #college!au jungkook #fwb #jungkook fwb #fwb!au #fwb to lovers #fwb au

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joyoushyuck · 3 months

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21:06

Donghyuck falls beside you on the bed, breath heavy and chest heaving as he comes down from his high. The air feels cold on the cum drying between your thighs and on your stomach. It feels sticky and uncomfortable, mixing with the sheen of sweat formed from the exertion coating you, but you cannot care less at the moment. You are trying hard not to let your heavy lids shut.

"Go to sleep," Donghyuck whispers, gaze soft when he glances at you. He brings a hand to brush back your hair, placing the softest of kisses on your hairline.

"Shouldn't," you stifle a yawn while saying it, earning a chuckle from the other.

"Why not?"

"You know why."

He does. This friends with benefits arrangement is working well so far only because of the rules. Not sleeping over after sex is one of them. No romantic gestures (like brushing your hair back and looking at you like you hung the moon in the sky) is another. Donghyuck seemed to be neglecting the rules a lot lately.

You don't notice his smile dropping.

"Rules are meant to be broken."

You sigh, too tired to start an argument with him. You push yourself up to get dressed, thighs sore and aching with every move. A hiss escapes your lips and you almost fall when you try to walk, lest the hand that holds your waist and steadies you.

"Sit down, babe," he coaxes you into giving in with wide eyes and a pretty pout.

You think rule 7 prohibited the use of nicknames, but you weren't so sure anymore.

Donghyuck cleans your body with a wet cloth and changes the sheets, lending you a shirt before helping you get comfortable under the sheets. You comply throughout it rather unwillingly. His caring actions, sweet words, they aren't doing your weak, weak heart any good. You are scared to fall deeper, already positive your feelings towards him isn't a surface level crush anymore.

"Go to sleep, love," he repeats. His chest is pressed against your back and a firm hand on your waist holds you in place.

Love. He calls you that sometimes. It's by far your favourite nickname, therefore also the one you resent the most. Hearing it makes you want to scream into a pillow and kick your feet, and also commit a homicide, all at the same time.

"Donghyuck, where are you going with this?" you try one last time.

You feel his heart begin to pick up pace, breath hitching and hold loosening with uncertainty.

"What are you talking about?" And there's the slightest tremor in his voice. He is scared. Why is he scared?

"This. What we are doing right now. This is wrong," it comes out harsher than you meant for it to be. It's your brain's last ditch attempt to protect your fragile heart, you presume.

"It's not wrong. It can be right. I want it to be right," he hesitantly replies. You think his heart is going to burst from how fast it is beating. It is concerning.

"You want it to be right?" There's hope, and then there's fear. You hold your breath in anticipation.

"I want us to be more, want you to be mine, want to be yours."

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harrywavycurly · 2 months

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Secret Rendezvous Part 4: Late

Masterlist: Here

TW: Language

Tag List: @emma77645 @aol19 @tlclick73 @prestinalove @kailey-firefly @fromasgardandback @therealgothamguardianfr @peaches-roses-sins @hiscrimsonangel @furiousladyking @angelina16torres-blog @sofaritsalrightt @josephquinnsfreckles @starrywhitenight @mrsjellymunson @witchwolflea @jasminelafleur @ohmeg @comeonatmebruh

A/N: Sorry I meant to have this up on Saturday but totally forgot and left it sitting in my drafts🙈 but anyway I hope yall enjoy this update! Curious to hear yalls thoughts!✨

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autisticlancemcclain · 9 months

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Keith clenches the flower crown in his hand, breathing heavy. The delicate petals of the not-daises crumple and crush in his fists, blue pollen smearing on the leather of his gloves. Half of the crown sits perfect, intact, unblemished and unbroken. The other half is miserable and unfixable, destroyed by something bigger than itself. He stares at it, hard, at what it is and what it represents, until his eyes sting from the dryness and begin to blur.

“Lance, I —” His voice comes out raspy, crinkled as the flowers. He swallows. “I’m never really going to — to love you. You know that, right?”

Lance’s quiet humming never stops, never hesitates. He continues to carefully poke the not-daisies onto their stem-string, building another crown, a new one, just as beautiful. “I know.”

Keith frowns. “You…know?”

“Yeah.”

“Then why do you…” He glances down at the crushed flowers again. Suddenly he wants to straighten them, desperately, fix their bleeding creases, their crumpled pieces. He tries, a little. He takes a broad petal from the biggest of the delicate flowers and smooths it against his thumb, again and again, trying to fix the brokenness. The crease disappears, but the petal lays flat against his skin; translucent, soaked with its own oils, bending to the shape of the pad of his thumb. It droops when he peels it off, worse than before. He feels something gentle touch on his head, a barely-there weight around the crown of his skull, and he smells something floral, aside from the flowers, like shampoo. Lance settles again beside him, second flower crown gone from his hands, now searching for a long enough not-daisy stem to start a new one. There’s a lump in Keith’s throat.

“Then why do this? Why —” He sweeps his hand out, broadly, gesturing the the not-daisy field before them, gesturing to the picnic blanket and the basket of food, gesturing to the castle in the distance, to the room they’ve shared more often than not lately, to their lions, to them, to them, to them. “Why do you hang out —” his voice cracks on the term, the blasé-ness of it, the fib, the hiding from the truth, the softer word to replace the truth — “with me like this? Why do you spend so much of your time with me? Alone? Why do we do what we —” He stops for a moment, finding himself short of breath suddenly, more feeling than the situation calls for crashing down on him at once, crushing his windpipe, making it hard for him to breathe, harder to speak. “Why do you stay with me like this, if you know?”

“Well, because I love you.”

He does not hesitate to say it. He does not swallow harshly as if the words are acid in his throat, as if they are too heavy to be spoken aloud. He says it easily, steadily, wondrously, as if it’s painless. As if Keith had said it first, and he’s simply responding. As if it’s something he says often. As if the words were not hard to find, were already heavy on his tongue, as if it was easier to say them then to lock them behind his teeth, choke them down. Maybe they are, for him.

Lance picks his head up from where it was hunched over the not-daisies, tying off the chain and lifting it, resting the crown gently on his own head. Coronating himself, with soft flowers, with the strength of a thousand men. He flicks his gaze to Keith, then, brown eyes wide and soft and glassy, slightly, shimmering in the orange sunlight, dark despite it, heavy and light alike. His expression is open, earnest. “Isn’t that reason enough?”

Keith doesn’t understand him. He knows Lance, knows how things eat at him, how small rejections build and build from the centre of his chest down his spine and wrap around each of his nerves, lighting him up inside. He’s seen how the doubt shapes his words, reshapes his sentences, clouds his thoughts. He’s seen how Lance pulls away from people before they can pull away from him. He’s seen the same ache in the Blue-turned-Red Paladin that he has, the same black hole in his own chest; the pain of the one left behind.

How is it so easy, then, for him, to say — it?

Keith holds his gaze, heart pounding, breathing short and shallow, as long as he can, as long as he can bear. He is the one to look away, in the end, and Lance soon after, looking for yet another long-stemmed daisy. It is only then that Keith realises that his second crown is crushed, too, in his other hand, stained with oil.

“Reason enough,” he echoes.

Lance hums affirmatively, absentmindedly lifting his legs and placing them on top of Keith’s, casual. Keith can’t tell if the move is deliberate or not, if Lance is genuinely oblivious to the intent of Keith’s sentiment or if he’s choosing to ignore it.

Either way it doesn’t matter. Lance slowly works his way through a good chunk of the flowers surrounding them, cheekily ordering Keith around the field, instructing him on what flowers to pick, how many, how often. Lance claims he just doesn’t want to move, but Keith is sure he just likes bossing him around. He organizes them in small piles by size as Keith gathers them, favouring the wider and fluffier ones, working with his tongue out in concentration as he carefully makes one, two, three, four, five more crowns than the two he’s already made, not including the two Keith destroyed. (Those were carefully scooped up from where Keith had discarded them, placed gently in the bottom of the picnic basket. Lance hadn’t said anything nor had he made any particular face, except that there was determination in his eyes as he held the crumpled flowers, defiance, almost, as he lovingly placed them among their used dishware and leftovers.)

Once he finishes the last knot — one crown for each team member, plus one to hang on Shiro’s doorknob — he swings his legs off Keith’s lap, sighing as he gets to his feet. Keith sees a sliver of brown skin as he stretches, a flash of his hip as his shirt lifts with his raised hands. It is the same temptation it always is, although it makes Keith more nauseous than usual.

“C’mon, you lump,” Lance says, holding out a hand. “I call dibs on not carrying anything back to the castle.”

Keith stares at his offered hand for a moment. He gets the same feeling in his belly that he used to get before walking into his final exams. Like he is being tested, like he is unprepared, like he is going to fail.

He stands on his own, quickly busying himself with gathering up their blanket and basket.

He follows just behind Lance as they walk through the field, back to the castle. They take their time — no one else will be back yet — and Lance stops every three seconds to coo at a beetle, take a picture of a plant, draw a heart in the dirt. Keith finds himself smiling without permission, struggling to school his face when he realises.

Keith has never met someone who is so unapologetically himself. He knows Lance has struggles, knows he doubts himself more than anyone on the team, probably. But so much of him is just a blatant adoration for the world around him; an obsession with the stars, an affinity for speed, an ataraxia in water, a blatant delight for any critter. He loves so much so often he bleeds with it. Keith has no idea how he survives, how he protects himself. It terrifies him. How is he supposed to protect Lance if Lance refuses to wear any armour? If he flays himself open and trusts everything and anyone? It’s as if he hasn’t yet learned to be wary, even though he has been hurt. Keith cannot fathom how he’s like this, how he’s survived like this.

Later, that night, he lies awake and counts Lance’s breaths as he thinks.

This wasn’t meant to last.

He doesn’t mean that they’re doomed to fail. They are, probably, the same way most things are (his mouth twitches on reflex as he hears Lance calling him emo in his head), but he hadn’t meant to start anything, with Lance. He doesn’t think Lance meant to start with him, either. He certainly never anticipated Lance, head pillowed on Keith’s chest, drool gathering on his ribcage, leg flopped over his and hand twitching in his face and hair. He never anticipated hearing his name muttered in Lance’s sleep, or watching him shoot up from a nightmare, wide-eyed and terrified, only to relax immediately back into sleep when he sees that it’s Keith who’s holding him. He never anticipated his own hands combing through Lance’s hair, his squeezing of Lance’s feet in between his thighs to keep them warm, his boots at the end of the bed, gloves on the nightstand. He never anticipated the way the smell of Lance’s shampoo would help him breathe again when he shoots straight up in terror and forgets where he is. He never anticipated the softness, the quiet smiles, the feel of his nails on his back, the press of his lips to his neck, the taste of his sweat on his skin, the breathiness of his hitched throat in his ear.

It started with a fight.

Of course it did, really. Why they were alone in the training room, Keith cannot recall, and why they turned to sparring with each other rather than staying at separate corners of the room he is at a loss. (Well, he does know. He knows he watched the litheness of Lance’s body as he bent and and contorted it and felt the swoop of his belly at his smug grin every time he landed a shot. He knows he watched sweat bead up on his forehead and drip down his face, burning a trail down his long neck. He knows he watched Lance bend over to set up shots, stretch, anything. He knows all that. But he thought he had restraint.)

He knows at one point they were snarling at each other, arguing over who had cost them a match with the gladiator, and then he knows that Lance had brazenly challenged him to a fight, and Keith had laughed in his face. He knows that they lunged at each other. He knows that he intended to give it to the smug asshole who had refused to leave him the fuck alone for even one fucking second since they got stuck in space. He knows he had Lance pinned to the ground, because Lance may insist that they’re neck and neck but Keith sure as shit had the upper hand in hand to hand.

What he doesn’t know is who kissed who. He doesn’t know who bit whose lip or who gasped or who shoved whose hand under whose shirt. He doesn’t know. He knows it escalated, he knows he felt fucking drunk on the taste of Lance’s skin, knows he felt like devouring every sound that came from that smart fucking mouth. He knows they didn’t even bother moving from the training mat on the floor.

He does know that he was the one who knocked on Lance’s door first, the next day. But when they fell into bed again Lance was the one who was prepped and ready, who opened the door within half a second and yanked him in by the collar, smirking.

Lance shifts slightly, muttering something as he turns his head. Keith freezes, barely daring to breathe lest he wake him up, waiting until after Lance has settled again, after he’s gone heavy on Keith’s chest.

In the beginning he’d convinced himself it was physical. Lance is objectively fucking hot, anyone with eyes can see that, and it’s not like Keith has any other fucking options here. But tonight, after everyone had split off after dinner and they’d landed in Keith’s room, again (is it really even Keith’s room, anymore? Lance’s hand is keyed to the lock. His products line the bathroom counter. His clothes are intermixed among Keith’s. He can’t remember the last time either of them had been in Lance’s room, let alone Lance by himself), as they always do. They’d gotten ready for bed without even talking, slipping in pyjamas and brushing teeth and running through a ninety four step skincare routine. They’d laid next to each other on the bed, Keith working through a random novel he found in the library and Lance breezing through some kind of math game on his tablet, before Lance had sighed some time before midnight, kissed him gently on the mouth, whispered “I don’t feel like doing anything tonight,” and then flopped on top of Keith’s person, wiggling until he was comfortable, passing out as soon as he was.

Keith’s hand curls around the curve of Lance’s shoulder.

Physical, physical, physical, he chants to himself. You have ruined every single person you have ever loved.

Lance groans slightly again, clicking his jaw.

“Keith,” he murmurs, accent heavy in his sleep. His lips twitch up in a smile.

Keith’s stomach turns.

———

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lazystar · 7 months

Text

The Long Way Home

Choi San x Fem!Reader

WC: ~ 6.5K

Warnings/Content Notes: 18+ !!! MDNI!!! SMUT, BDSM Dynamics, Dom!San, Sub!Reader, BFFS -> FWB -> Lovers. ANGST! Cursing, Alcohol Consumption, Jungkook at the scene of the crime, Jokes about divorce. Smut warnings after the cut.

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A/N if you enjoy reading this please consider reblogging and leaving a comment ty it genuinely means a lot to me to see y’all’s reactions to my work :)

SMUT Warnings: BDSM Dynamic, Dacryphilia, Impact Play, Bondage, Choking, PIV Sex (no mention of protection remember to wrap it up y’all), Fingering (F Rec), Degradation.

The Long Way Home

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Tequila was the worst invention known to man. Your pounding head and naked body declared this thought as you gazed over to the man in the bed beside you. Some jock you couldn’t even recall the name of. He was some fucking guy, maybe his name was something basic like Matthew? If he asked you his name you would’ve blanked and probably said some random name like John. His snores made your head sting with a headache as you tried to recall how you ended up nude and having to do yet another walk of shame.

The memory hit you as you shrugged on one of your one night stand’s hoodies and your jeans. The walk of shame uniform, some random guy’s clothes paired with your own you sighed to yourself.

The bright lights, booming bass, jungle juice, and losing your best friend in the crowd as you both flirted with the many attractive people at the party. It was just a local affair. Crawling with the washed up twenty somethings that all resided in rather small city you called home. All of them regularly relived the glory days of raucous partying and drinking away the stressors of everyday life, you and your best friend and roommate wee no exception to this.

It was cheaper than a bar and honestly more fun. Mr. Anonymous was one of the hosts and putting on his best Flynn Rider-esque smolder as you batted your false lashes and giggled like a fool. You were about to “oh my god you’re so funny” your way into some good sex. Or so you thought, except you recalled on your walk to your apartment that the guy didn’t even last five minutes and you didn’t even cum. It wasn’t even hook up yelp review worthy.

You barged into you and your best friend San’s shared apartment with a loud huff slamming your keys onto the entryway table. Not even looking up from his phone San let out a laugh, “Who the fuck pissed in your cheerios bun?” Bun had been your long time nickname from San due to your shorter stature and constant habit of twitching your nose when annoyed.

“Well Mr. Mountain Flynn Rider guy didn’t even last ten minutes and I was left disappointed AGAIN!!!” You wailed as you flopped beside him onto your lumpy couch. “Like I get it, I take a while to finish but he couldn’t at least help me?! Where is the fucking decorum in hookups these days.” He lets out a loud laugh at your rant and then suddenly stopped, he looked over at you like he just discovered the secret to time travel. Eyes wide and brows raised, his mouth was agape with a smile.

“I just got the best idea! Why don’t we just start hooking up. We talk enough about our sex lives since we’re so close, we know what the other likes. Why not just fuck?” He says his grin now a smirk, he waggled his brows and nudged you with his elbow.

“Did you smoke something? Are you high? Are you unwell? That’s a fucking terrible idea! Like holy shit that’s an insanely bad idea! One of us could catch feelings, someone could get hurt, it would be a mess. Have you seen any movies where that works out?” You exclaim. Your hands were thrown in the air and you began to consider smacking San upside the head in hopes you could help him create some new braincells for some cognizant thoughts. He just shrugged your way and continued on with his master plan.

“Bun, honey. Think about how much easier and safer it would be. No walks of shame, we’d get tested first obviously, I wouldn’t fuck anyone else so we both stay safe, and come on. I know how you like it.” His voice grew almost husky as he looked deep into your eyes. The change in his energy made you squirm and you couldn’t help but think how hot he looked. You had eyes, you knew your best friend of over ten years was hot with his dark eyes and muscles that practically bulged out of his tight shirts.

“Fuck it. Show me what you got.” And with that his lips crashed onto yours, his hand laced into your hair tugging on the roots just hard enough to make you whine into the kiss.

“Oh Bunny I’m gonna ruin you.”

“I’d like to see you try Sannie.” He quickly knocked the smirk off your face with his hand wrapping around your neck, he squeezed a bit and gave you a glare.

“You shouldn’t have said that.” Your underwear was soaked as you gazed at him with wide eyes and a moan fell from your lips as he chuckled darkly. He quickly tugged the hoodie off of you and smirked down at you, noticing your lack of a bra. “Fuck your tits are so gorgeous, look at you. You look pathetic all needy for me.”

“ ‘M not pathetic.” You whined. His hand that was around your throat previously gripped your jaw squeezing your cheeks.

“Yes you are, I bet you’re all soaked and your little pussy is begging for me to fuck you. But sweetheart, you didn’t earn it did you? Back talking, sassing me, telling me that fucking me was a horrible idea. Such a dumb little bunny under me. I should just leave you right here all worked up.” You felt out of control as you shook your head no, ten minutes ago you would have never thought of yourself having any sexual relationship with San. But here you were silently pleading for him to fuck you stupid. He watched with glee as your eyes began to water and you began to beg for him to touch you, for him to play with you like a doll. He had you where he wanted you, needy, lust filled, and wanting only him.

“Sannie please! I want you! I need you! I’m gonna fucking lose it if you don’t do something.” Your voice was whiny and you sounded on the verge of tears as your roommate simply smirked at you.

“You have ten seconds to strip and get on my bed, You know how I’ll wanna see you waiting for me.” You bolted, shoving your jeans down and kicking them off, then your panties as you scurried to his room. You practically leapt onto his bed and got right into his favorite position; kneeling on his bed, hands on your knees, head held high, not moving a muscle.

San during your rendezvous rundowns had divulged his preference for BDSM encounters rather than vanilla ones. His stories had you internally squirming when you two discussed your sexual encounters. You hadn’t really had experience with kinky sex like San did. He’d visit BDSM clubs, done his online research, met up with some subs once or twice as he learned more about his dominant side. He told you about how he loved when some of his submissive partners would cry as he would play with them, using impact toys, vibrators, ball gags, collars. He was a rigger, he explained one time, loving using intricate knots and ties with rope to create, as he put it, “the perfect present for myself”. He loved seeing how his other partners would plead to touch him as he fucked them into delirium.

Now here you were, about to get fucked into that same delirious state. San strolled into the room and leaned against the doorway as you kept your pose. He loved seeing you following his unspoken orders. But he knew as a good dominant he had to make sure you were comfortable with him. “Y/N before I do anything I want to know your limits, what are you comfortable with? I know you like choking and hair pulling, some spanking, some spit play. But is there anything you don’t want me to do to you?” You blushed at his consideration, you knew he was going to do this but seeing his concerned eyes and soft smile your way had you feeling butterflies in your stomach.

“Ummm, no face slapping, just hands being tied or bound is okay, I wanna be able to see you, and um, just don’t go too crazy. Oh and don’t call me a bitch I’ll kick you.” You nodded, your last sentence elicited a chuckle from San as he shook his head walking over to you.

“So you’re okay if I for example say, hmmmm. Y/N you’re being such a good little whore for me. Getting right how I wanted you and answering my questions like an obedient little slut.” His brow quirked and he tilted his head. He didn’t show it but he was reeling watching the shy flush on your cheeks and how you tried to rub your thighs together to feel some friction.

“Yes Sir, that's okay with me.” You nodded, quietly appraising his reaction to the title. A growl erupted from him as he manhandled you onto your back and spread your legs wide.

“Oh Bunny, Sir’s gonna make you fucking scream.” With that promise he pulled you into a searing kiss as he began to push his fingers inside you and quickly locate the spot that made you cry out in pleasure. He watched as you threw your head back and moaned, his fingers grew faster as you began to squirm. He wasn’t even fingering you for that long, maybe a few minutes but he had you on the brink of your first orgasm. “Aww is Bunny gonna cum already? Uh uh, not yet baby, you gotta beg for it.” You cried out in frustration as he pulled his fingers out and slowly began to circle your sensitive clit.

“Please sir, please let me cum. I fucking need it. I’ll be so good, I’ll do anything. Please let me cum and make a mess for you.” Tears cascaded down your cheeks as you begged for him to let you cum. You felt like you were going to squirt all over the sheets as he toyed with you. He smirked and roughly shoved two of his fingers back in you and jackhammered them right at your g-spot. The slick sounds of how wet you were along with your moans and panting breaths were all San heard. He bent down and kissed at your neck has he slowed his fingers down for a moment and made a come hither motion with them, the attention on your g-spot had you falling into a state of euphoric delirium, you couldn’t even think a coherent thought as you moaned out his title over and over again.

“Fucking cum for me Bunny. I wanna see what a messy little slut you are for me.” He whispered into your ear, the kiss on your lips that followed sent you over the edge, his fingers quickened as he leaned back up to watch your orgasm splash against his palm and your body thrash about, he watches as your eyes rolled back into your head and your back arched as he continued the onslaught on your overly sensitive pussy. Your cries of relief and his name had him on cloud nine, this is what he had wished for. He had wanted you in his bed more than anything when he would hear your hookup stories. He wanted to make you cum over and over again, to hear you moan his name has he pounded into your wet cunt. Now here you were coming undone all over his sheets and whining as he overstimulated you.

“Sannie I cant take any more too sensitive.” You whined and he stopped immediately. He laid beside you and pulled you into his arms, rubbing yours and whispering praises into your sweat soaked hairline. Your head lulled onto his shoulder and you snuggled into his body heat feeling safe and relaxed as you synced your breathing with his.

“You were so good for me Bunny, you did so good. How do you feel? Do you need me to clean you up and get you some water?” You nodded and he went into the bathroom and grabbed a damp washcloth and gently cleaned up the mess between your legs. After, he grabbed you a glass of water and helped you drink as he kept on praising how well you took your first time with him. “So what do you say? Want to keep doing this?” You nodded aggressively and he let out a light laugh as he kissed your forehead. “Only time we’ll have rules is in the bedroom okay, no need for those dumb ass contracts or whatever shit they do in those girly movies you like. It’s still us being us except I eat you out and boss you around in bed.” You let out your own laugh and statement of agreement. He made it all so casual and comfortable. Any worries you had fell to the wayside as you found yourself under him once again, his hands in your hair and yours cupping his cheeks as giggles made their home in between each kiss.

You fell into an easy routine that was just you two being Mountain and Bun, except now you often are sleeping beside one another sticky from sweat and he’s made you cum several times. It felt right, like you two had been destined for something more than friends.

Soon enough the kisses and physical affection transferred from the walls of your apartment to out in public. Your friends noticed the possessive hand around your waist and glares San would give at any man who would look for a tad too long at you on nights out at the bars and clubs in the city. But when asked if something was going on between you two, San would lead the way with denying anything more than friendship. This lead to a routine of you both denying anything serious was going on, much to everyone’s disbelief as it was clear as day you two were more than friends.

It was an unspoken rule to deny a connection between you two when asked, but a spoken one to only sleep with one another. You two were just friends, friends who kissed, cuddled, and slept together. Friends with benefits, nothing beyond that. Right?

But, something beyond San tying you up and regularly making you cum up to ten times a scene was going on. Stolen kisses, cuddles under the glow of the tv, and nights ending in romantic passionate sex were growing more and more common. Mornings where you would find yourself wrapped around him as he cooked you breakfast, lazy days spent in his favorite hoodies, nights where you laid by his side and played with his fingers as you compared the size of his hands to yours. It was more than just lust.

You knew you were down bad, but you had no one to explain it to. There was no rule against being open about sleeping together but you both seemed to agree silently on keeping it just between you two. The pair of you seemed to just keep it under wraps to avoid your friend’s questions or comments. But avoiding it all was becoming too much, it was driving you insane. It was making you feel used and discarded even if he was treating you so well, you just wanted him to say something so you knew he wasn’t just using you.

Fall came, leaves crashed against the sidewalks and your feelings began to chill like the air outside. It was another night out for you, San, and your seven other friends, this time in a crowded club with booming bass, sultry air, and many other drunk people looking for a good time. You and San were dancing on one another with him subtly peppering kisses on your neck as your hips swayed against his. After a while you pulled away shouting you were grabbing another drink.

At the bar a tall, tattooed man saddled up beside you. His eyes danced along your figure admiring the short dress adorning your frame. His lip rings emphasized his sultry smirk as he offered to buy you a drink. “The name’s Jungkook. I’ll buy you a drink, but in exchange grant me once dance.” You were charmed by his attitude and agreed. Your hands soon found their way around his neck as his grip met your waist. The heavy beat of the R&B of the club and the lust filled air around you two pushed San from your mind as the tall man had stolen your attention.

“Gorgeous I don’t think your boyfriend is too happy you’re dancing on me like this.” The raven haired male said into your ear as you both swayed to the beat. His strong grip on your waist was anchoring you to the moment. The liquor swirled your brain as all of your inhibitions began to throw themselves aside. Your attention was brought back to San, you could feel his angry laser like stare on your back as you danced with Jungkook. Why was he mad? It’s not like he would openly say anything about you being off limits anyways.

“He’s not my boyfriend, just my roommate. We hook up but it’s nothing serious.” You reply back loud enough to be heard over the music.

“So he won’t keep staring at me like he wants to murder me if I kiss you?”

“He can be mad he doesn’t get a say in who I kiss.” You snark back and Jungkook pulls you into a kiss, his hands snaking down to grab your ass over your short skirt and your hands reaching into his flowing locks. Before things could get too heated you felt a hand grabbing your arm and pulling you away. “WHAT THE FUCK LET ME GO!” Your disagreement went unanswered as San dragged into a hallway away from prying eyes.

“Y/N what the actual fuck was that? Were you trying to make me jealous?! Well congratulations it fucking worked. You’re mine, nobody else’s. I thought you knew that.” His voice was filled with anger and his tone was almost like a snarl. You shivered and felt the familiar feeling of your head beginning to float at his authoritative behavior.

“Sannie, you never said we were anything more than friends with benefits. How was I supposed to know I wasn’t supposed to kiss other boys, I wouldn’t fuck them but I can’t kiss em?” Your tone was playful but also clearly annoyed at his power play when he wasn’t your boyfriend. He was the guy you lived with and fucked, not the guy telling you he loves you and wants to spend his life with you.

He had no power over you when it came to expanding your horizons while being single.

“No Y/N you’re mine.” San’s glare began to anger you. He can’t say shit like that then not say you two were a couple.

“No San. I’m not fucking yours, matter of fact I’m never going to be ‘yours’. You can have someone else in your bed, sharing a place with you, and being your plaything. I’m done with the games and the back and forth on what I am to you. I’m so done with you. If you have any once of respect for me you’ll do me a favor leave me the fuck alone.” You stormed away before he could even make a move to try and save the shreds of your relationship. You walked as fast as you could to find your friend group. With your head hung low and as quiet of a voice as you could muster in the loud club you told your friends, Hongjoong, Yunho, Minho, Seonghwa, Jongho, Yeosang, and Wooyong that you were not going to be able to go participate in your regular hang out nights anymore, your only explanation being you and San weren’t on good terms and you didn’t know if your friendship would be good again.

The guys didn’t see or hear the exchange but they saw the angry tears running down your cheeks that you had been trying to hide and knew that the situation was not good in the slightest. They watched you angrily wipe at your mascara stained cheeks and march off. They were worried for you. They saw San off in the hallway he had pulled you to, his head was pressed to the wall as sobs wracked his body. His fist was hammering the wall as he appeared to be cursing himself for what went down. The boys felt like children caught in the middle of their parents fighting and it had them all feeling a major sense of unease.

You spilled the beans a few days later to Yeosang, Wooyong, and Seonghwa when they came to check on you while you were staying on your friend Winter’s couch. She was helping you navigate moving out and moving on from the boy you had been hurt by. She knew the whole story and comforted you as you told the three boys about everything, well not all the sexual things after you got into a little bit about it and they looked ready to send you off to a convent. The boys were angry for you they understood that you felt played and that your feelings seemed to be disregarded, but they also understood that San was not the best when it came to emotional vulnerability or communication. They wanted you to open the door to him to try and repair things. But you were insistent on never speaking to San again due to how hurt you were. You couldn’t bear looking him in the eyes knowing you had been a toy to him. That he wanted to have all the aspects of dating you, but wouldn’t even admit he was sleeping with you. Was he embarrassed with you? Were you not enough? Your mind would spiral every night as you laid on Winter’s couch questioning your value to San, your friendship as a whole, your own sense of self. You picked yourself apart to the atom, finding more and more reasons to wonder what it was that made San begin the denial of your relationship when asked about you.

They helped you pack your things when San was at work and within the hours of his shift any trace of you was gone. Your new apartment was only a few blocks away with San none the wiser. When he came home to see every trace of the years you’d shared by his side gone, his heart was crushed like a hammer was hitting him square in the chest. The end of September was now San’s least favorite time of year, because it’ll forever mark when he lost to you due to his own stupidity.

Days without either of you speaking turned into weeks, then months. The cold gray winter had come in to chill your bones and steal your breath. It turned your cold heart to ice as you began to move on from the beautiful boy you had fallen for. It was as if the past few years never existed. Like the way you slept for months in his bed was an illusion. It was a fog, always a fog. Until those cold nights called for another body to join you in bed. Nobody else was good enough, it had to be him. The man who had you Pavloved into orgasming to the sound of his voice, the man who made your mind melt. San, Choi San was the only one for you.

San was no better off, cold nights yearning for your touch. Your voice haunting every time he had to rub one out. “Please Sir, please let Bunny cum! I-I’ve been so fucking good for you please!” one of his favorite memories. He could always remember every aspect of that night. He had been practicing some new Shibari tie methods and had you bound into the perfect present, intricate knots holding your breasts in place, your pussy exposed with your hands bound to your legs so you were immobile. You looked delectable with those pleading yet wild eyes, drool leaking from your mouth, and makeup running down your face. You looked practically angelic to him as he watched your eyes roll back into your head as he bullied his cock into you over and over, he recalled how with a whispered “such a good girl for me, yes you can cum.” the scream that flew from your lips as your eyes rolled back, the gush of your orgasm around him and how your pussy milked him dry. He remembered how you looked at him with such loving eyes as he took care of you and how you would let him lay on your bust as you kissed his forehead and assured him he wasn’t too rough with you. He remembered that while you slept he uttered “I love you” while he looked at you.

But he couldn’t get to make memories like that again, not until you’d let him speak to you, not until he could fucking find you that is. And most definitely, not if you have a new boyfriend or someone he can’t compete with for your heart.

While the two of you were pining for the other like a high school production of Romeo and Juliet the rest of the friends you and San shared were extremely annoyed by the way you two were acting like a divorced couple.

“I’m team Mom aka Y/N here but I don’t wanna deal with who has custody of us at Christmas being an issue. They need to kiss and make up” Yeosang declared while sitting with the others at lunch. They had planned a lunch to plan the intervention because as much as they didn’t want to admit it they would rather be annoyed by you two being romantic or possibly walk in on you two, than have to deal with the split custody issue. Thus the “Stop the Divorce” squad was put into action. They wanted you both happy and most importantly back together.

Soon enough their plan to get you two to hash shit out was put into action, Hongjoong the unofficial leader of the group sent San and you separate texts asking to meet up at his recording studio space to hang out. You arrived first, you had made yourself at home on the sofa and then about five minutes later San was walking into the room. “Oh fuck no, I’m not doing this.” You exclaim, grab your things, and make your way to the door to leave. It’s San who surprisingly makes the move to block your way out. Hongjoong and the others maneuvered to exit and lock the door as you and San stared down one another with laser like focus.

“Sit. The. Fuck. Down. Y/N.” He hisses through his teeth, using the tone of voice he reserved for those occasions you would have tested his patience when your dynamic was in place.

“You’re not the fucking boss of me anymore Choi San. Just fucking UGH!! Let me go!” You bark back.

“I’m not going to lose you now when I finally have you back in my life, I won’t make that same mistake again.” His voice sounded as if he was about to cry, it was broken. San’s voice carried his emotions after not seeing you for months,he sounded lost, hurt, terrified, and so, so sad.

“You won’t lose me Sannie, you never did. I went overboard leaving like I did, I was just so… so fucking scared. I was with you every day. I slept in your bed, woke up to you, brushed my teeth while you showered, held you when you cooked. It was becoming so real, so domestic, it felt too coupley when you wouldn’t even claim me as someone you had even been fucking! I couldn’t take it anymore, it was too painful.” Your voice broke as you crumpled to pieces before your former lover. His own eyes filled with unshed tears as he looked at you. Your hair hung in your eyes as you stared at your shoes. Your arms were wrapped around your body like a protective shield as you rocked back and forth avoiding him as your confession hung in the air like a thick fog.

“Oh bun. Shit, baby. I— fuck it. I love you Y/N I have loved you for years. I think it was sophomore year of college when I realized how I’d fallen for you. It was when you were there for me when Mina broke up with me, you didn’t even do anything but sit and listen as I cried. You told me something that day, do you remember?” You shook your head as you looked up at him with wide eyes at his confession. Your heart was thumping, head reeling at the words he’d just blurted out. “You held me and said ‘San, any chance to love you is a chance worth having. You love so greatly, so wonderfully, so wholeheartedly. Love from you in any capacity is love worth lifetimes of happiness that anyone would be blessed to have.’” You began to cry as you realized he was telling you the truth, he remembered verbatim the words you told him that day. He remembered the veiled confession you made.

“San, I love you too.” You whispered, almost incomprehensibly.

“Say it again, please”

“Choi San, I Y/N Y/L/N am undeniably in love with you.” You said louder, now smiling at him with tears cascading down your cheeks. His own tears falling from his eyes as your lips crashed onto his. The kiss tasted like salt from your mingling tears. He smelled like his cologne mixed with his own natural scent that was something so addictive. He felt like home. The warmth of his hands felt like forever.

You moved back in shortly after San confessed, loving him felt like walking on air; light, freeing, and gentle. The domestic routine was something you loved, a good morning kiss, another kiss as you both left for work, a welcome home kiss from him as he cooked dinner to reward you as you came back from a longer day at the office, so many kisses just because. He spoiled you in affection and words of his adoration for you, he made you feel so at home.

It was game night at your home with San, your friends all lounged on your couches as you curled into the worn leather loveseat nestled into the crook of San’s arm. Your head was resting on his chest as your sock covered toes poked at the arm of the small sofa, his laughter lightly shook you as a fond smile crept to your face as Seonghwa was forced into telling another embarrassing tale of his college dating woes. “So she walks into my dorm, I’m thinking ‘hell yeah I’m about to lose my v-card and BAM! The lego collection scared her away like DAMN can’t a man get laid and like legos?” He laments and the snort that left you at his story has the whole group laughing. “Okay just for that miss piggy, your turn, truth or drink?”

“For the sake of my liver, truth.”

“What’s the wildest thing San and you have done while fucking?” The sip of your single glass of wine for the night nearly launches from your nose as the boldness of Seongwha’s question sets in.

“What defines wild to you?”

“Nah sister, just answer the question.”

“Well there was this one time he had me collared with a leash but also tied up in this crazy position, like my ankles and wrists bound together so I was practically immobile. He fucked me so hard I blacked out, we’re okay with like him still going even when I’m not all there in the head. We’ve talked boundaries about that stuff so don’t keep looking at him like he’s a psycho. And yeah, or would you rather hear about how he had to punish me for being such a brat, he went so hard on me that day I had to call off work for three days so the bruises on my ass could heal and I could sit down properly?” You smirked and looked up at San, his eyes were burning onto you as his own smirk settled onto his face. He bent his head down and uttered one small phrase that had you shifting in anticipation.

“Strike one bun, you know I don’t like the idea of them imagining you all exposed and slutty for me.” His voice practically sounded like a purring lion. The shiver that went down your spine was visible to anyone looking your way.

“Well damn. Don’t go having war flashbacks over there Mr. and Mrs. Pornhub.” Yunho prompted as he cleared his throat. You shrugged and the game kept going. The questions only seemed to grow bolder as time passed and soon enough you all grew progressively drunker.

“Y/N truth or drink but if you drink it’s 3 shots this time!” Wooyoung drunkenly declares.

“That’s so foul, okay lay it on me.”

“Who in this room would you tell San you’d be cool to have a threesome with?” San’s grip on your thigh grew harsh in a warning. You promptly took the shots and groans of disappointment rang out as your friends still asked you to answer.

“Fuck it, ummmm Joong I guess.” You say not thinking as the alcohol muffled your mind of any proper filter.

“Strike two.” San’s voice rings in your ear. Like baseball, one more and you’re out of luck. So, you turn on the brat mode.

“I mean come on we all have eyes, Joong is cute and I’m not saying I would do it but hey who knows.” You shrug and you feel San’s eyes burning into your skull as Hongjoong blushes wildly and murmurs a question filled “thank you?”.

The third strike warning never comes as San finds an excuse for the party to end and within the hour you find yourself bent over his lap. The loud thwack! of the shiny leather paddle reserved for only the harshest of your punishments against your ass rings out as he orders you to count. “One! Thank you sir.” THWACK! “T-two! Thank you sir.” and so on until you hit fifteen. Your ass is ringing with pain as he manhandles you silently onto your back with your head hanging over the edge of the bed. You didn’t even have a moment to process before your ankles are on his shoulders and his cock is being pounded into your sopping cunt, tears leaked from your eyes and were hitting your hairline as cries of pained pleasure were ripped from your throat.

“Shut the fuck up and take it like the greedy whore you are.” His warm palm encased your throat as he squeezed it, choked gasp filled moans fell from your lips as the familiar feeling of floating euphoria filled your mind. The blood rushing to your head combined with the sensation of his hand around your throat squeezing your airway made each thrust hit that much more intensely. Your mind was going blank and you dropped into the headspace that made you lose all sense of thought and control. Your mind was solely consumed by San, only San.

“Sir, gonna cum!” You cried as that knot in your stomach grew tighter and tighter. He shook his head and pulled out, he pulled his hand away and maneuvered so he stood at the side of the bed near your face.

“Only good girls get to cum, you know that. Or are you too stupid to remember Bunny?”

“‘m a dumb bunny and forgot sorry sir! Please let me cum!” The tears fell harder toward your hairline as you gazed at him with pleading eyes.

“Suck Sir off and I’ll maybe let you cum.” He asserted and he began to thrust his cock down your throat as soon as your mouth opened. His cock bullied the back of your throat, spit trailed from your lips to your cheeks and hair as you gagged and moaned around his throbbing hard length. You could barely take half of him, but you wanted to please him so badly you relaxed you gag reflex and watched his face screw up in pleasure as he watched his length create a bulge in your throat as you worked to deep throat the entirety of his pulsating cock. It felt like hours of him thrusting in and out of your mouth, your mind was numb and you were still yearning for orgasm. After a few choked “Good girl bunny.”’s you felt his cum shoot down your throat. He pulled out and let the last few ropes of cum shoot over your face moaning as you tried to swallow more of his load.

“Oh Bunny you did so well for me, let Sir make you cum all over for him okay? Want me to eat that pretty little pussy and make you squirt for Sir?” A dumb nod in response was all it took for him to begin lapping at your sopping hole, moans and growls rumbled against your aching clit as he suckled on it like he was having his last meal. His tongue was expertly thrusting in and out of your pussy and his nose brushed your clit as he moved his head to lick you from your asshole to your clit a few times. Your head was reeling as silent screams left your lips, your eyes rolled back into your head as he gently nibbled at your clit. You couldn’t even give San a warning as with one last thrust of his tongue the wire in your core snapped and you felt that jolt of pleasure spread from your head to your extremities. Your legs shook as your fingers dug into his scalp and you held his head to your pussy. Gush after gush of your orgasm flooded from you as he continued to lick and suck at your core. You couldn’t even declare it being too much before another white hot orgasm hit you. You continued to whine and squeal as you soaked the sheets. He pulled away and watched as the lady sprays of your orgasm fled your body. “That’a girl, you there for me baby?” You nodded tiredly as he maneuvered you so your head was resting on a pillow. He had prepared prior to starting the scene having some water, baby wipes, and some pain cream for your ass for aftercare. He whispered soft praises as he moved you once again to massage your aching ass cheeks with the cream and to clean the sticky mess between your thighs with the baby wipes. His gentle touch was so comforting as he made sure you were comfortable after the intense scene was done. Once he was done cleaning you up and making sure you were alright he began to help you sip some water and he whispered more praises to you as you came down to earth from your headspace. Your heart was so full of love and warmth as you took in his gentle hands rubbing your arms and his honeyed voice cooing how proud he was of you, how good you were, and how in love with you he was. He held you close, his chest pressed firmly against your back as you began to be lulled to sleep by his steady heartbeat and the encompassing warmth radiating from his body.

“Sannie?” You whispered hoarsely, looking over your shoulder at him with shining eyes full of happy tears. He smiled and moved to rub them away with his free hand, he peppered kisses on your forehead as he did so.

“Yes my love?”

“I’m so glad the guys made us talk, I can’t imagine not having you in my life. I love you so much.” His own eyes began to fill with tears as he moved so he could kiss you deeply. He didn’t need to respond, his kiss conveyed his feelings. His kiss was warm, filled with the years of adoration he held for you. His arms were safe, protecting you from ever being harmed by the world outside your bedroom. His heartbeat was the metronome by which the melody of your happiness kept time. San was home, he was your forever.

To San, your soft skin was his oasis in a desert. The warmth of your skin on his was his security. Your hands held his heart. Your voice was what he imagined Heaven to sound like. You were his forever. You were his home. You were his peace when the world was too great to bear.

Mr. Mountain and his Bun, could anything be more wonderful? In your eyes, nothing could be better than that. Nothing could be better than loving Choi San. And to him, nothing could be more perfect than loving you with every fiber of his being.

———————————————————————

Taglist: @stolasisyourparent

1 October 2023:

Thank you for reading this far! If you like it please consider reblogging it helps a LOT! Please remember that this is a work of fiction and all of the idols mentioned are used as face claims for characters I’ve come up with. None of their actions or behaviors are indicative of who they maybe be IRL :)

#ateez x female reader #ateez san #ateez choi san #san x reader #ateez smut #kpop x reader #roommates to lovers #best friends to lovers #fwb to lovers #jungkook at the scene of the crime #lazystarwrites #ateez fanfic #non idol au

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paeries · 1 year

Text

Sick of You — h.s.

[when a boyfriend of two years breaks it off and offers a new arrangement, of course you’ll take it up. this is your prime chance to prove him wrong. and Harry can’t bear to watch it]

word count; 9k

pairing; harry x reader

cw; friends to lovers au, smut, angst, im just saying my heart hurts for him

pov; y/n, but third person

[part two is here, part three is here, thank you for all the patience. im really excited for you guys xx]

She laid in her bed, blankets completely surrounding her as she tried to pay attention to the movie she had put on. She had everything she needed to enjoy her time by herself, really she did. But she felt like someone was stepping on her chest. Her heart felt like it had just been emptied out into the insides of her body. Just empty, throbbing, screaming. She was sure she’d gone through about three movies now, frantically searching for something, anything else to think about. She pulled her blanket up a bit further and glanced at her phone again. 1:24am. Had I really been staring at the wall for an hour and a half straight?

She groaned and sunk deeper into the bed, pulling the pillow around her. I don’t even know what I was waiting for? Her alarm? The sun? Her eyelids starting to shut on their own? A text, you idiot. Remember? You’re hoping his date went shitty and she got too drunk and puked all over him. You were expecting him to be disappointed, send a message and ask for you to make up for it if he came over. She grumbled, feeling whatever was going on in her chest expand and she felt her eyes prick with wetness. Y/N tried to shake her head, bury her fists into her eye sockets and beg the tears to go away. Tried to tell her brain, I’m fine, I’ll be just fine in the morning. I just needed some sleep. ”I need more wine.” She grumbled to herself, grabbing the bottle and tipping it upside down to swallow every drop of the last gulp.

At least you’re good for something.

That was what did it. That’s what sent her springing up off the bed and running to the bathroom to lurch over the toilet and empty her guts out. Over and over, till her body was too weak to hurl enough of anything, really, up and out of there.

He’s having a great time. He won’t need you much longer. It’s been over and you’re still a love sick puppy, fawning over his every move and hoping he miraculously realises that he made a mistake. That he didn’t mean any of what he said.

Y/N hung her head, defeated. Laying her forehead against the rim of the toilet, she sniffled and shook her head. “I should’ve pressed harder. I should’ve fought him a bit more.”

You should’ve erased his number and ignored that text. You knew he didn’t want you anymore, just the pleasure you brought him.

She let out a cry, finally. Beating her fists off the porcelain tiles, she shouted as she cried. Letting her body crumple on the floor, she curled up, clutching her chest as she did, and cried and cried.

She woke up the next morning, her head pounding, freezing from the coolness of the tiles. Had I really fallen asleep on the floor? She pulled herself up, took a pitiful look at her horrific appearance and shuddered. She looked wrecked.

She pinched her brows together with one hand and reached over to turn the shower on, convincing herself that if she can at least manage to look better than she felt, maybe she could shake this nagging, nasty, haunting feeling.

About midway through her shower, she could hear someone moving about her apartment. Quickly finishing up but careful to leave the water on, just in case it was a burglar, or a murderer. She peered around the corner and felt as if last night was a dream. Because there he was, bopping around at 8 in the morning with coffees and a brown paper bag, as if he owned the place. “Excuse me?” She huffed out, blinking at him in disbelief.

Wonder what he’d think if he knew you’d spent the night on the bathroom floor ill, think he’d be so nonchalant?

She shook her head and stepped back to turn the shower off, wrapping a towel around her body before ducking into the room to dress herself. “You’re excused.” He mumbled to himself, snickering as he did so. As if he was so funny. “I brought some breakfast. You don’t take care of yourself.” He nodded to the state of her apartment, setting the to-go cups down on the kitchen table and tossed the paper bag next to them. “So, get dressed. Or don’t. Might save me the time.” He smirked. What the fuck does he know, ‘You don’t take care of yourself.’ What would he know about any of it?

At least you’re good for something.

Her stomach lurched, and she managed to swallow whatever urge to run back to the bathroom and hide. She walked out of the room, pulling a t-shirt on and a pair of mens briefs with socks, wrapping her hair in a towelled turban to meet him in the kitchen. “What are you doing here?” Y/N snipped, taking the coffee and finding her seat. “Were you not listening?” He asked, leaning with his back against the doorway. She stayed quiet, trying her best not to make his gaze before daring to open her mouth again, “How’d your date go?” She managed out before taking a good sip.

Mark’s eyes narrowed a bit, suspiciously at her. Because how did she know? “It was great. She was fun.” He muttered, crossing his arms over his chest. “Did you really car-“ “Not really.” She interjected, “Just small talk. Since you didn’t answer my original question.” He sighed, swallowing before clearing his throat and straightening up. ''Well, if you want the truth-” He started and then paused, almost as if he was begging her to not let him finish. “She stayed the night..” He tested, watching her closely. She could feel his eyes burning holes into her shoulder blades. “And I thought I’d pop out and grab us something quick to eat while she slept but-” She coughed hoarsely and turned to look at him over her shoulder. “She was gone when you got back.” She finished, pulling the towel out of her hair and setting it on the back of a chair.

Good. That’s what you get.

“Her coffee is good.” She admitted while shaking her head feeling nothing but pity for herself as she stood up to find a hairbrush. “I actually don’t know her order, I ordered what I thought you would.” He admitted, stepping across to open the paper bag to reveal two muffins as she made her way back to the kitchen while brushing her wet hair. “There’s a blueberry cobbler style and a blackberry cheesecake style. Thought it’s interesting enough to try.” He had been hoping that would take off the heat from the embarrassment of his good gesture to a one night stand. To someone else. “I’ve never heard of any muffin cheesecake.” She muttered, hesitantly reaching over to grab the blackberry speckled looking muffin.

Why am I eating a breakfast so hopefully meant for someone else who must have blown his mind when I can tell him to leave?

“D’you get drunk last night?” Mark asked, pulling her from her thoughts and sending her into a frantic search for an explanation of the four wine bottles that laid on the floor. “Had some girlfriends over, s’all.” She said quickly, picking at the muffin in front of her. “Four bottles of wine?” He retorted, tutting a little bit. “Surprised they aren’t still strewn all over the floor. S’8:41 in the morning..” He added, seemingly having no clue it was all her. And granted it wasn’t four full bottles… It was two full ones and two half drank. “Yeah, well, they stopped drinking before I did- Don’t you have somewhere better to be?” She added in quickly, grabbing the coffee and looked directly at him. Her jaw clenched tightly as she watched his body uncomfortably shift where he stood. “Guess I could find something..” He said after a decently long pause, “Y’welcome, by the way-“ He chuckled, stepping out the door before she could shout back, “Hey, fuck you!” The door shutting right afterwards. She whimpered slightly, gritting her teeth together as she stared at the picked apart muffins that he left. For someone else. She threw the coffee into the sink and turned around, making a beeline for her phone and typing out,

“Come over.” Sent, Delivered. Read 8:49am

Within twenty minutes or so, the front door was flung open and with four long strides, she had been tossed over his shoulder and carried into the bedroom.

Y/N had just enough time to change her briefs into a sweeter cotton thong with a strawberry embroidered at the top in front. “Wait! Wait!” She laughed out, “You have to shut the front door!” She shrieked, her body now tossed to the bed, bouncing as she landed.

Watching him jog back to shut the door, she thought about the differences between the two men. Harry didn’t make the room feel as though the oxygen was being sucked up, like Mark did. She couldn’t breathe when he was around lately. Harry was more comfortable, and she'd be lying if she were to say she didn’t find herself wishing to have never met Mark to avoid this whole mess. She really wished it was Harry that gave her difficulty to breathe.

“Tha’ any better?” He asked, hands waiting at the door handle of her bedroom for her confirmation. “Much.” She laughed, rolling her eyes and sat up straight in her bed waiting to receive him again.

He shut the door and came over to the bed, bringing his hand up to tuck a stray hair up and behind the curve of her ear. “Tickles.” She mumbled, hooking her fingers into the loops of his jeans. “Y’gonna help me or what?” Y/N huffed, tilting her head to the side as she challenged him. He raised a brow and lifted his hand to place at her chest to push her back against the bed. “Yeh, I’ll help y’” He mumbled, pushing her shirt up her ribcage, peppering kisses here and there.

She stared up at the ceiling while bringing her hand to the back of his head, aimlessly swiping her thumb across the short hair that laid at the nape of his neck. She couldn’t stop thinking about Mark and Harry, Harry and Mark… Harry… “Harry…” She mumbled, squirming in her place on the bed. Harry groaned, digging his hips into the mattress before slowly lifting his head, eyebrows furrowed with concern once he saw her expression. “Y’okay?” He asked, sitting up a bit. No matter how turned on he could get, her wavering voice brought him back to earth. “S’the matter?”

She swallowed and shook her head, “N-nothing, I- I just,” Her voice trailing off as tears began to prick at her eyes again. Harry reached up and cupped her cheek, leaning over to press a kiss to her forehead. “S’alright, we’ll get y’straightened out.” He muttered with distaste in his tone of voice.

She sat up to pull her shirt off, shivering as she felt his hands sneak up to touch a nipple, nipping at the skin under her belly button. “H-'' She warned, giggling breathlessly, “Y’know that’s ticklish.” He gave a quiet hum and nodded, “Couldn't help m’self. It’s just too easy, pet.”

The coyness in his voice sparked an annoyance she couldn’t place. It held the same sarcastic, ‘i know it all’ tinge as Mark’s did when he was strolling about her kitchen. She huffed, propping herself up on her elbows. “Do I have to do this myself?” She sniped, “Could get m’self off without all this fuss much faster y’know?” Harry's gentle eyes quickly hardened as he now glared at her, bringing his hand up and around her throat, laying her back down against the bed. Her breath hitched in her throat as he applied some pressure, almost immediately regretting her choice of action. “Let’s be clear, shall we? Nothing that you do, or anyone else for that matter, to your body,” He trailed off, his tongue darting out over his lips as he looked at the girl's smaller frame underneath him. “Could ever, ever, amount to what I can do.” He murmured into her ear, releasing his grip around her throat before sponging kisses down her neck. “Wouldn’t you agree?” He hummed, taking a more sensitive part of her neck gently between his teeth to earn a moan from her lips.

He hadn’t meant to get so possessive, but he was tired of not getting the recognition he felt he deserves. There was no way Mark had ever taken the time to know her body in the way he has.

She nodded quickly, rolling her hips up to meet his, “Yes." She breathed out, moving a hand into his hair to tug at. She was getting impatient, the slow side of him wasn’t what she needed. She needed him deep, hard and quick.

“Harry, please” She whined out, groaning in frustration as he pinned her hips back to the bed. He chuckled against her, letting his teeth graze over her nipple before lifting his head. “S’the matter, Y/N?” He mused, raising his brows in mock sympathy, trailing a hand down to duck into the front of her panties. “I’ve had y’wetter than this before, m’sure of it.” He muttered to himself, sliding his fingers through her folds before circling once around her clit, causing her to gasp and lift her hips up at the sudden contact. “No! M’ready, Harry, please.” She begged, squeezing her eyes shut from the anticipation. “Not quite, pet- Open your eyes.” He ordered, taking them both by surprise. He had been too focused on the sounds his fingers were making as they slid through her to notice her eyes closing. He liked to know she saw that it was him, not Mark. All him.

Y/N whined again and lifted her head, wriggling her hips. “Fuck, H. Please?” She begged again, bringing her hand up to cup his leaking cock through his boxers. His hips spluttered forward and he swore under his breath before swiftly changing his position on the bed to get between her legs to tug her panties off.

Peeking up from where he lies to catch her line of sight, Harry stuck his tongue out slowly towards her clit, stopping just before he made contact. With pupils dilated, a pout graced across her face and cheeks flushed, Harry could have come right then if he hadn’t been so driven to making his point clear. Kissing at her thigh once, he flattened his tongue out and rolled her clit beneath it slowly. Far too languid for Y/N because now she can’t even lean into his mouth, but has to take the brush and nip of his teeth against her until he granted enough mercy to find her clit again and move a little faster.

Harry hears her begin to pant, quick and shallow, and the sighs and whimpers that are begging for him to ‘Please, fuck me, Harry' He smiled, tightening his grip around her hips, “M’getting there, sweetheart. Want you drenched by the time m’finished.” He reasons, cock twitching when she lets out a desperate groan. Harry ignored the small and desperate cries of frustration, drawing back to watch her wriggle and whine for his touch. He hummed, bringing his middle finger closer to slip into her cunt and felt his lips spreading into a grin at the moans that erupted from her chest as he found her g-spot. Before long, he found himself biting down harshly on his lip as he watched his finger dip in and out so easily that he added another, stretching her out a little more. He loved how messy she could get for him in hardly any time at all. “Relax.” She heard him say calmly, though his mind is a frantic mess of filthy thoughts about how he planned to fuck her anyway she’d let him. Desperate for her to realise who she was to him. He’d never tire of hearing her sweet moans, the way she begged for him to touch her. And every time he found out she went back to him, he would swear to himself, he’d find a way to make her forget about him. He wanted to be unforgettable, like it seemed that Mark was. Who, really didn't have the most fun hobbies, or good humour, didn't mesh well with the group; he wasn't even that intelligent in his opinion. So he couldn’t, for the life of him, figure out what was soo special about him. They’ve all hung out, and Harry tried. He really tried to pinpoint what was so incredible about him in her mind. He’d have to top him somehow, something that reminded her of him had to creep into her thoughts at night. He wanted her as restless as he was without her at night. He wanted her to figure out that he was her safe place.

When she went quiet, his stomach burned hot enough to pull him out of his thoughts, he knew she was close. He let out a groan, burying his face into her thigh to muffle most of it before turning back to lull her clit back around his tongue. Sucking on it in sharp little movements, he reaffirmed his left arms grip around her thigh to keep her in place. “Harry!” She gasped out, as he pulled his fingers out so he could wrap his hand around his weeping cock, aching for any form of attention and hissed against her when he felt it. He was leaking and it was filthy, so filthy and Harry couldn't stop himself from gruffly nipping at her clit. “Come for me, pet.” He mumbled as he moved his hand from around his cock to preserve himself, moans muffled against her and even more so when her thighs closed around his head and she pressed up into his mouth. She’s coming and the thought of it has Harry rolling his hips into the mattress harder.

“Fuck sake-” He growled, pushing himself upright to hook his arms under her legs to pull her closer. He took a long look at her body, returning a hand to his angry red cock to try and curb his lust a while longer. He wasn’t done teasing her. “It made her feel important, it’s like extra attention,” she told him one night.

“Proper mess down here, babe.” He tutted, backing up as her hips lifted to meet his. “Now, now, now, y’still comin down, aren’t you? S’quite sensitive, innit” He mused, tapping the head of his cock against her swollen clit. She gasped, lifting her hips up again. “Seeee?” He hummed, mocking her. “Please, Harry. M’empty.” She whined, and that was it. “Okay, ‘lright, she wants filled.” He hummed as he loomed over her, tucking his head against hers while he lined up, gently nudging past her folds to slip in. “Jesus Chr-” He groaned, his hand finding its way into her hair to tug. “Fucked right in, didn’t I?” He mumbled, sliding his hand to cradle her neck by the hairline, which was irritatingly soft, as he pulled out slowly and tried his best to ignore her protests; “I was full!” She’d gasp out, infuriated that he had taken it away just as quickly. “Fuck sake, doll. Patience.” He rasp out as he pushed right back into the wet heat. “Y’hear that, baby? S’how wet I’ll get you everytime, isn’t it?.” He mused, straightening up and tugged her body up higher to meet his hips, allowing himself to slide just a bit deeper. Deep enough to coax another broken gasp from her mouth. “Tell me how good this is.” He breathed out, before delivering some quick thrusts, his hips pistoning into her. A filthy sloshing sound filled the air from how wet she was. “Fuck!” She gasped out, arching her back up. “Oh my god, Harry. S’good, s’deep, j-just what I wanted.” She whimpered, squeaking as he bottomed out at her admission. She whined in confusion, before choking on a breath when he rolled his hips, grinding into her cunt. The broken moan he finally let out as her walls fluttered around him, squeezing around his cock, could put a priest to shame. She always wrung out the most lewd noises from his body. “My God, you’ll be the death of me.” He groaned, “You feel so fucking good, Y/N, squeezin' me li' tha'.” He all but whimpered, leaning back to properly start fucking her, the way he knows has her seeing stars, her legs shaking, her breathing laboured.

Louder, and louder she got, gripping onto his forearms with her nails dug in as deep as they could go, trying desperately to hold on in the position he had her in. His long body upright, hands holding her hips up high off the bed so he could make sure he hit his target each time. Her shaking legs wrapped around his, she was struggling under the pleasure. “S’a fuckin’ sight t’see, baby. You’re so bloody beautiful.” He said, taking her hand away from under his arm to bring it to his mouth, sponging kisses at her fingers and wrist. “Takin’ my cock so well.” He sighed, letting her hand go and lowered her hips back down before hovering over her shaking body, placing her thumb at the corner of her mouth. What he did not prepare for, was her tongue to slide out around it to bring into her mouth and suck at. Harry’s jaw dropped, his lips parted as his hips lost their rhythm for a few thrusts. “Look a’ tha’.” He gasped out, just as she let out another delicious moan, “Harry, m’close.” She slurred around his thumb, some drool running down his wrist. “Dirty lit’l minx, come f’me.” He growled, feeling her tighten completely around him. “Give it to me, ‘ve worked for it” He breathed, snapping his hips up harder as she cried out, rolling her hips messily to his just trying to ride it out. “Tha’s my good girl.” Harry cooed, doing his best to help her get the most of her orgasm before losing his self control entirely, burying himself to the hilt as he came. Falling forward on top of her, he felt the coiling in his belly unwind. He sighed, listening to her breathing soften and slow. “Proud of m’self for that one.” He laughed out. And he was, she was satiated, and he got to have a bit more of her for one more day.

Harry's soft breath hit the top of her shoulder, his body on top of hers with the duvet cover strewn between his legs. Taking a deep breath, she felt most of the stress and anxiety of Mark's pop-in drift away. Shifting to find a comfortable spot against the bed while underneath the warmth of his body. “I don’t think I thank you enough.” She mumbled, tucking her forehead into the crook of his neck. “Think you thank me just fine.” He smirked, lifting up onto his elbows. “Up y’get, sweetheart.” He grumbled, pulling them both up, him standing to pull his boxers back on. “H, would you grab me a shirt from my second drawer down, please?” She asked, the covers pulled up to her chest with one hand, the other running a hand through her messy hair.

She watched as he grabbed a shirt, unfolded it to see what it looked like in full before tossing it her way. “Like that one.” He snickered, climbing back into the bed. “Know y’don’t wanna talk about it. But…” He started, causing her to groan as she pulled the shirt over her head. “Oh christ,” She whined, laying back down and pulled the covers over her face. “C’mon, I never ever ask!” He laughed, tugging the covers to reveal her eyes which only earned him a grumble of disagreement. After a brief pause (during which she realised he wouldn't give in anytime soon), she rolled her eyes and hastily blurted out, “He went on a date last night, and in the morning, I was showering and he showed up, breakfast in hand. Tells me it was originally for the girl he went out with and fucked, only, come to find out she slipped out while he was at the shop,” She paused, drawing another breath but speaking a bit slower. Not particularly liking the way her tongue had formed around them. Like tasting metal. “aaand brought it to me instead.” She murmured, swallowing thickly, “Like it was a good thing.” Laying it all out in summary had her feeling more embarrassed by the second. Harry groaned, shaking his head. “Why’d’y’ put up with it? Why don’t you just- block his number?” His voice going a bit softer towards the end before he sighed, knowing exactly why.

She stayed quiet, looking back up to the ceiling. “Wouldn’t you? Put up with it?” She asked, her voice barely above a whisper. She felt shame come over her, like a cloud across the sun.

Harry sighed again, rolling onto his back to look at the ceiling too. I do, put up with it. He thought, his eyes scanning the ceiling for a good answer. “Don’t think you’d have to, had he given you the chance to move on.” He muttered, almost angrily. “Wasn’t right of ‘im. T’break things off and then ask the next night for a quick fuck.” He huffed, propping himself up on his elbows again.

Y/N sighed and nodded, “I know..” A few minutes went by before she shook her head, desperate to change the subject. “Look, can we just watch something?” She mumbled, pulling the duvet up over her waist. “Yeah… yeah sure.” Harry said, reaching over for the remote to turn the tv on. “Found something that might be good the other night. Saved it to watch it with you.” He snickered, coaxing a smile out of her. “I can’t wait.” She hummed, turning to her side to curl up against him. His arm snaked around her waist, his head tilted to rest against hers and he took a deep breath. For the next two hours, they just laid there. I really should thank him more often, she thought.

“Listen, not that I wouldn’t love to stay longer, I just promised m’mum I’d take her out for dinner.” He said once the movie was over, leaning over to kiss her forehead again. “Y’okay?” He asked again, and she smiled, propping herself up as well.

“Because I can manage another fifteen minutes before I need to shower, change and pick her up.” He added, his eyebrows straightening into a line to show the severity of what he was saying. “I’ll be available until about 4, we usually do a bit of catching up- probably bout an hour or so, y’know what- I’ll just text you.” He laughed. “Yeah, I’ll manage.” She hummed, tilting her head slightly to the side. “Call me, anytime. Mean it.” He said, standing to get himself dressed, Y/N standing as well to walk him out.

“G’on.” She snickered, leaning up to kiss his cheek before he stepped out of the flat, shutting the door behind him. She sighed, reaching up hesitantly to lock the door, before taking another pitiful look at the picked apart muffin that still sat on that table. Mocking me. She scoffed before going back to her room to repeat the night prior.

She’d always been used to being alone, just not lonely. She had friends, sure, and good friends at that. But they’ve all got so much going on, she couldn’t imagine bringing her little broken heart to the table and try to put it up there with Jodie’s, who’s unsure where she’s going to get the extra 5k to keep her dead mothers house from going to the bank. It just wasn’t right.

You’ve got all day, miss thing. Best find something to do with it.

She glanced at the time again, and took a look around her apartment. The bottles, the empty cigarette packs on any windowsill you look at, chinese takeout boxes, the dishes, the bottles. Groaning at the thought of doing all that, she let her body fall back into the chair in the living room.

Pinching her brows together, she let out a frustrated sigh, “I see you, just let me gather herself.” She said to herself, and only when she moved her hand from her eyes did they land on a small little jar and its green contents on the coffee table. Perfect. Blunt time.

Once she got a small little blunt rolled up, she put some music on and sat on her bedroom windowsill, grabbing a lighter to take a drag. While making sure to blow it out the cracked open window, she peered down to the streets below. A cold breeze came across her nose, reminding her that the seasons changed once again. A colder fall meets eastern England with a ferocity, signalling a chilling winter to come. Couples walked through the streets to make their dinner reservations, or ‘first daters’ even, chatting as they window shop. She always loved watching the world around her operate. Sighing yet again as she reminded herself that she was supposed to finish cleaning, she sat up, leaving the blunt on the ashtray a second to get to tidying the bed up. Smoking always puts her in a better mood. A nice distraction, she thought as she set the pillows and blankets back into place. She crept over to pick the blunt up and take another hit before pushing it into the ashtray to snub the cherry. “Christ, what time is it?” She said aloud, deciding to dig around for her nightstands clock that had been knocked to the ground. Finding it and setting it back in place, she was thankful that 6pm was here. She had gotten the apartment tidied, she was high as hell. There was no trace of anything Mark to be seen. Like he’d never been here so early. I wonder if he was sad. Upset that he’d put himself out there and assumed she’d stay for breakfast. She didn’t see how different it could be with hi- She cringed to herself and shook her head, trying to shake the train of thought away. She didn’t want to go back down the road, try to find out where exactly it went wrong. He left. He’s no different than the rest. And what’s worse, he takes advantage of the fact. He knows how you feel.

The streets were alive and well, lit with streetlights, some storefront lighting, and car headlights. Daring a glance over at her liquor cabinet, she grabbed her phone and called some friends to get together for drinks in her newly cleaned apartment in order to carpool together to the bar.

Jodie arrived first, her best girl, Cade trailing just a bit behind her, “Daphne’s on the way, she said she had a last minute outfit change.” Jodie explained, leaning in for a kiss on the cheek as she handed over her gift of liquor for the night. “S’always vodka with you.” Y/N grinned, heading to the kitchen to get some mixers.

“Harry’s out with his mum but he said he’d meet us there.” She nodded in acknowledgement to Cade who was reading what she assumed to be Harry’s response in the groupchat, bringing out cups and ice. Cade was fairly new to the group, but a welcomed one at that. They had lost Julie and Chris to a new move up country, which was a huge blow to their outings for a while. Cade filled the gap seamlessly, he was hysterical, dependable, not to mention outlandish. Cade had never been one to back down from a challenge, and seemed to be crushing heavily on Jodie for a while, so if by tonight they were to get a little more familiar with one another, Y/N wouldn't complain.

Daphne came trailing in not long after them, setting her coat in the closet before greeting us all. “So sorry, had it all figured out, but- you know, the lighting in the bar wouldn’t have worked the correct magic. Had to change.” She explained, beaming ear to ear as she made her way into the apartment, her heels clicking on the hardwood floor. Everyone knew that whatever Daphne put on, a burlap sack, aluminium foil, a fucking bedsheet, she looked gorgeous. She had a million dollar smile, a sense of humour, honey blonde hair, olive coloured skin and an incredible body. And if we’re being truthful, her and Harry would be the obvious match. Their physical appearances complimented the other so effortlessly. They’d even been caught in a drunken makeout once before, back when Harry first joined the group. Nevertheless, Daphne was the secret weapon. The three of them together were like a wet dream turned nightmare. And though Y/N’s friendship with Daphne wasn’t as close as with Jodie, she still held a significant spot in her life. They’d all known each other since university, just kids. Daphne had an atrocious haircut and didn’t know how to dress her body to save her life. Jodie was so smart and shy, it wasn’t until Mike came around their senior year where she learned to assert herself and let loose. Y/N, herself, was just happy with her two girls. She never looked elsewhere. They’d go to parties and end up back at one of our dorms, trashed and giggly. What else was there?

Looking at them together now, you’d never guess how reserved they used to be in their younger days.

By the time they ordered the Uber, they had all worked up a pretty nasty buzz which made it quite difficult to figure out where they had ended up leaving our phones, wallets, keys, etc. Poor Cade did his best to wrangle the girls together and keep track of all the belongings, but to no avail. He’d have to try again next time. “I saw yours in the bathroom, Jod.” Daphne giggled out, lifting up Y/N’s phone and frowning before handing it to her. “Why’s Harry texting you? Can he not make it?” She asked, a pout clear on her lips.

“Uhhh, dunno- let’s see.” Y/N opened her phone to check the message, ‘Dropping mum off now. See you in 30. Xx’ she repeated out loud for her even though Daphne had already peered over her shoulder. “He texts you a lot.” She states, pursing her lips and opening them again before Jodie interrupted, “Got yours, Daph!” She shouts, grinning and Y/N has to send her a look of relief because she was not prepared to break Daphne’s drunk heart tonight. She had always had the suspicion she still liked him, and if the look on her face didn’t cement that, what would?

Y/N’s phone rang in the middle of her conversation about Cade’s poor choice of beer as the four sat at a booth, “M’gonna go get a real drink. Be right back.” She smiled, lifting the phone to her ear as she walked away. “Hello?” “What are you doing tonight?” His voice slid across the speaker like cashmere. Y/N swallowed thickly, pressing her finger to her ear to drown out the outside noise. “I’m busy.” She shouted over the music, then rolled her eyes. He had to have heard the music. He’s not stupid.

“Y’don’t have to yell.” He laughed, “C’mon ditch it. We’re callin’ it a night, so… Come over.” He drawled out. Great, he’s drunk. “No, thank you.” Y/N hummed, having already snuck into the bathroom where it was a bit quieter. “And why not?” He huffed, and just from knowing him, she could tell that his jaw dropped, his fingers tapping against whatever was nearest. “Because,” She paused, fixing a few fly aways while looking at her reflection in the mirror. “I’m having more fun here.” She giggled before hanging up, and dug into her purse to grab a comb she had brought.

Her phone rings again, and she felt the satisfaction begin to creep its way into her. This must be what it feels like for him. She cleared her throat and picked up the drink she had set down on the sink. “Hello?” She sang, making sure to jostle her drink that was now more ice than liquid. “I need another drink, so, hurry-“ She added, smirking at herself in the mirror and wrapped her lips around the straw to suck the last bits of alcohol left. “Wh’dya’ mean you’re having more fun?!” He huffed, as if it was unimaginable to him. Y/N scoffed, topping up her lip colour before turning on her heel to go back out to the bar. “Just what I said.” She hummed, “I’m hanging up now,” She whispered before hearing a slew of small half-minded minor threats, asking her not to hang up, ‘wait, wait, wait!’, She ignored them all, giggling out a ‘good night’ before hanging up again and leaving the bathroom. Finding her way through to the bar and grabbed herself two more drinks before making it towards the back where her friends had sat.

Thankfully, Harry had got out of his date with his mum just in time to meet them at The Stumble. And she was semi-glad he did. Well, very glad. He helped in a lot of ways. And he was just nice in general to be around. Harry smiled at the sight of her, opening an arm to invite her back into the circle.

“Daph’s just getting around to tellin’ us her big secret.” He hummed, his eyes lingering just a litttttllleee too long at her body. He couldn’t help it. And he did try. But his eyes just found their way to her every time. Good God, she looked amazing. A black half mesh/half satin dress that was somehow modest and managed to leave a bit to the imagination, some sort of strapped black heels that snaked their way up her legs, a softened reddish lipstick. Honestly, out of a dream. Once, of course, he realised her attention had been taken away by Daphne,(who (he thought) was getting around to telling everyone about her job’s promotion) he felt he could look at Y/N as long as he needed. He knew Mark wasn’t stupid. He’d figure out how special she was, and how truly stupid he was to have let her slip through his fingers. How fucking lucky he was- To have had her. Really have her. And sure, he had her too. As close as he could muster, he had her, for now. He answered her calls, day or night, 1am, 2am, 3am, cor. 3am was probably his favourite time. She was so sleepy, so hurt, she had just wanted company. And Harry liked to think she wanted his company. Just thinking about how he had thrown it away? Like, garbage? How fucking dumb he is to- Harry’s jaw clenched so hard it began to cramp, and the hand he didn’t know that was laid across the small of her back had found its way around her hips, gripping the far side of her waist tightly, causing her to yelp and turn around. “S’the matter w’you?” She laughed out, her hand delicately holding the straw in place with two fingers as she brought her lips around it for a sip with her other hand. Those, fucking lips. He cleared his throat and shook his head, “Lost m'balance- Liquor must’ve hit me.” He laughed, “S’hot in here, gonna pop outside for a smoke.” Harry nodded, gently patting her back as he slid past her.

He could feel his ears ringing, like smoke was coming out of them. He’d really like to tell Mark just what a total degenerate he had been, but, it may knock too much sense into him. And he’d never have Y/N again. He needed some more time. You can’t do that, she’s hurt enough. She’ll just have to wisen up. And then Mark won’t have the chance.

Finally, the cool air hit Harry’s face, his hands scrambling through his pockets for his pack and a lighter.

The first drag was all he needed, just to turn his brain around. With a sigh, he blew out the smoke, leaning his body against the side of the bar’s building. He watched people pass, people scoot past him to get inside the bar. He watched a small family walk up to a newly parked food truck. Kinda late for food trucks, innit. He thought to himself, raising his hand for another drag and immediately felt a comforting and familiar hand at his shoulder. Y/N.

“Wh’y’ doin out here?” He asked, looking down at her. She had to be a little cold. Mind you, shes again only wearing her slim dress, the damn strappy snaky heels- No jacket. As always. “You’ll freeze.” He muttered, pulling his off to drape around her shoulders. “Thank you, Harry, but I’m alright. Just checking on you.” She said warily, knowing full well that he hardly ever would leave in the middle of someone’s proud moment to go smoke. That just wasn’t like him. “Are you upset Daphne’s moving?” She asked, reaching for his cigarette to take a drag of her own. Moving? “Er- yeah, I mean-“ He stuttered, unable to recover. His stupid brain was still fixated on her lips. “Because there’s a train that connects right to our station- and she said she’d be here any and every time she could manage. She said she couldn’t stay away from you too long.” Y/N nodded, a hopeful glimmer in her eye. Harry furrowed his eyebrows at her, “She- what?” Now he was so confused. “Daphne’s like- in love, with you Harry. You really never knew?” Y/N laughed out, and it sort of pissed Harry off. Like it was so obvious for her to see that someone else was in love with him, but not see that he was in love with her. Of course he never knew, because he’s been so busy trying to soothe Y/N and get her to see what was in front of her. Course he wasn’t worried about, Daphne, of all things. “No, I didn’t know-“ He almost snapped, irritated with it all now. “Oh my God, Harry! She drools!” Y/N giggled out, shaking her head and finishing off her drink. “Never stops looking at you, and! She glares at me when we’re talking.” Harry could tell by how her eyes began to glaze over that she was feeling the effects of her drink. Realising, it wasn’t fair to get angry with her. “Drools, huh?” He managed out in a chuckle, his throat feeling tight, like he was swallowing nails. She nodded and hummed, “She saw our texts, Har. Should’ve seen her face, she really likes you.” She slurred a bit, leaning up to his ear, “I know I shouldn’t..” She started, humming a bit before she sighed out, “I can’t stop thinkin’ bout y’ kissing me.” She whispered, giggling at the end. Harry had to shut his eyes, squeeze them shut. In another world, Harry would’ve laid it on her, right then and there. No regard for the outside world around them. His hands made their way to the small of her back, briefly pulling her in closer. “Y/N…” He warned, “We’re supposed to be keeping it a secret.” He mumbled back, his mouth felt like it was bleeding. He wasn’t able to say anything that he wanted to. But, he would have a hard time forgiving himself if whatever was so bad about being with him had to be kept quiet and had come out. She’d never be back. Harry felt like he had the devil and the angel on either shoulder. The angel, reminding him how delicate she’d been lately, all the while in his left ear, he could hear the devil asking him to breathe her in. Because she did smell fantastic. She whined and tugged at his shirt, pouting a bit with a soft, “Why?” And Harry lost it. All sense was gone, he let out a frustrated growl of sorts and gave one gentle yank to her hair to tip her head back, causing her to yelp and smirk at him. Why? Why indeed. In one second, Harry had pressed his lips to hers, backing her up against the building, his hands moving so fast. Too fast. Her cheeks, her hair, her waist, her ass. Christ, what a sweet little ass she had. Harry groaned into her mouth, licking at her lip like honey fell from it. Y/N giggled in response, hooking an arm around his neck, her hand at the back of it. He was revelling in the freedom he was feeling to publicly have her in his arms. Harry felt like his heart was beating out of his chest, and just as he was about to muster enough control to pull away from her, “What the fuck are you doing?” with a quick jerk away from the beautiful woman. Mark.

“So, you’re fucking Harry? Harry?!” Mark shouted, his breaths coming out short but forceful. He was pissed, thats for sure. Y/N glared at him, having to lean against the clubs bathroom sink after he dragged her inside. “I don’t know why it’s any of your business.” she snapped, “We aren’t together anymore, that was your decision.” Mark's head snapped up at her, his eyes wide and his eyebrows furrowed, “That doesn’t mean I’d be alright with you and one of my good friends fucking?!” He shouted, pulling at his hair as if he was going insane. "I'd hardly call you guys friends." She scoffed, folding her arms over her chest, “And, forgive me if I never received the handbook on what to do if your ex breaks up with you but still wants to fuck, oh! And! fucks other girls only to bring you their breakfast the next morning!” She shouted back, furious at him. “I shouldn’t even be having this argument with you, because in what world did you think it would be okay to come to the bar I was at!” She asked, narrowing her eyes at him. If Harry hadn’t been there, and Mark had walked through that door while she was drunk? She knew he would’ve walked through that front door and all she’d be thinking of, was which girl he’d take home the whole night. It was fun for a second to give him a taste of his own medicine but he was much, much better at this than she was.

Mark hadn’t stopped pacing, his fingernails practically embedding themselves into his palms due to how tightly he had his fists balled up. It took everything in him not to throw Harry in front of a moving car after he ripped him away from Y/N. Out of everything, not once did he expect to have walked up on…. whatever that was. He couldn’t believe that it was Harry that had his hands around her like that. “Okay, well,” He started, his eyes dancing around a minute, “If you had said you wanted to suck Harry’s cock tonight when I was on the phone with you, maybe,” He seethed, his voice dripping with anger, “I’d have gone home!” He growled out, unsure of what he wanted to do now. His pride had taken a major plummeting fall. Y/N. His heart throbbed, painfully in fact. “Oh,” She scoffed out, “Please, you’re lucky I answered the phone at all! It’s none, of your, business!” She repeated, leaning forward a bit as she did. Mark laughed incredulously, “That would have been better, Y/N. Because then you wouldn’t have tried to play your little cat and mouse game, get me to think you wanted me here, and we wouldn’t be here!” He shouted, his arms opening up to gesture to the space of the bathroom.

“My cat and mouse game?!” She practically laughed out, leaning forward a bit. She couldn’t believe her ears. “Ever since you broke up with me, it’s been nothing but games! You ended it because all I was good for was a fuck! Don’t forget that.” He went quiet, the only sound was the softened thump of the music from the club. Y/N swallowed thickly and straightened up, “Are you done?” She muttered, “Because I have some friends waiting on me.”

Mark scoffed, shaking his head, “Yeah, think I am.”

So off she went, without another look at him. She slipped around the corner and hurried off to the corner where her friends were at. “And where’s Harry?” Y/N asked, looking around and not seeing a particular set of eyes. She was beyond irritated and feeling the embarrassment creeping up on her. The way they all looked at her told her that they had seen, everything. She shuffled in her spot slightly before straightening up and grabbing her bag. “Y’ears not workin’? Something trapped in em’? I said where the fuck is Harry?” She snapped, watching a few scramble for answers. “He-He never- he didnt-“ Cade stuttered, sighing in relief as Daphne finished for him, “He never came back in.” Y/N groaned before turning on her heel to head out as well. Poor Daphne. She began hurrying down the street to get away from the club as fast as possible, scrambling for her phone and immediately dialed out Harry’s number. No answer.

To: Harry

Where did you go?

They saw everything.

I’m trying to call you, Harry, please.

Read 9:57pm

She tried his number, again, no answer.

Finally flagging down a cab, she hopped in and gave his address without a second thought. The whole drive there, she went over the last twelve hours or so. She couldn't believe the way Mark was acting. Of all the dumbest, insulting things to do or say, showing up at random times. The fucking nerve. He knows how she feels, and yet, he uses it whenever his poor ego needs a pick me up. And then to embarrass her, and possibly Harry as well? Because he can’t stand to feel unimportant?

The driver came to a slow, rolling stop and she quickly paid the driver before hurrying up his driveway, to the steps to his apartment and began rapping her cold knuckles painfully against the door. Please be here. Please be here. Embarrassment washed over her again like a tidal wave. She felt awful, anxious, the whole bid. He could have a girl here. And then if he didn’t go home? Who was she to assume she single-handedly ruined his night? His neighbours assume she’s on drugs and call the police- And then! Her drivers went and drove off- his neighbours think she’s crazy… Cor, Y/N. You’ve really thought this one out. Just brilliant.

As she turned to pull her phone from her pocket to call up another driver, she heard a jingle of house keys coming up the drive. Her head snaps up to see Harry, who was having a bit of trouble walking a straight line as he focused on looking at his keyring, trying to find the front door’s match. “Wh- Harry!” She breathed out, blinking in disbelief. Harry’s head snapped up, his eyebrows furrowed and grumbled a bit. “What’re y’doin’ ‘ere, Y/N?” He muttered sadly, trying to move around her but gently bumping into her shoulder instead as he made his way around. “Don’t think ‘ve got it in me t’help,” He hiccupped and tried to fit the key into the hole before starting again, “help y’out tonight.” He whimpered, resting his forehead against the door after struggling. Y/N frowned and hurried up the steps again, taking the keys from him. “Why didn’t you answer my calls?” She asked, fitting the key in and opening the door for him.

His shoulders slumped forward, grumbling his answer as he shuffled into his house. Choosing to ignore the drunken gibberish, she moved towards the kitchen to grab him a glass of water, watching as he fell backwards into his couch.

As she turned the corner to set his glass down on the coffee table, he, again, muttered something she couldn’t understand. “What was that?” Y/N asked, sitting down next to him. He sighed and leaned forward, “Went to a, uh- different bar.” He breathed out, taking the glass of water for a sip. “F-for a few drinks, t’clear m’head.” His fingers tapped at the glass before lifting the glass to his lips again. “I-I shouldn’t ‘ve…” He sighed and shook his head firmly, ending his sentence there before continuing again. “Y’asked why I hadn’t err…. answered y’phone, or, my phone.” He grumbled, feeling frustrated he couldn’t get a good explanation for her. “I thought you were heading back wiv’im.” He whispered, chewing at the inside of his lip to stop himself from admitting anything else. “Harry, I came here to apologise. I embarrassed myself a-and, maybe even you, I'm just, I-I’m so sorry.” She sighed, shaking her head before feeling the weight of his head against her shoulder. “S’not,” another hiccup interrupted him, “S’not y’fault, Y/N.” He whispered, a slow yawn following suit, his full body weight now resting against her. She managed a half-smile as she began sliding to the side under his weight deciding to drop the topic for now and let her head fall to the throw cushion sitting at the corner of the sofa. His head fell onto her chest and he yawned again. “Could never stay mad at you f’long.” He mumbled, bringing his legs up to get comfier in his position. A smile crept its way across her lips, her hand finding a comfortable position at his hair. “S’not fair to you.” She whispered, pressing a kiss to his forehead before leaning up to turn the lamp out. “You’re too good t'me, Harry.” She murmured, reaching for the throw blanket to spread over his body. His only response was to briefly squeeze her and it wasn’t long afterwards that she could hear his peaceful snoring.

[part II.] [part III.]

(a/n: its hereeeee!! i hope you all like it, this has been sitting in my google docs for literal yearrrssss as something I’d read for comfort every now and then. literally this story idea has been in my head, i can hear harry and y/n talking constantly in my head. feedback, reblogs, likes are greatly appreciated!!)

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lillypad910 · 11 months

Text

Making Our Home Part 1

Pairing: abused!Billy Hargrove x abused!F!reader

Part 2

Uses (y/n) because I hate “x readers” that are actually OCs

Word Count: 7,789 (yes exactly, I wrote this in my notes app and copied it to word for this count and I went “OH” and this is only about HALF of the note so- still have an extra part that’s already another 7k words).

Warnings: MINORS DO NOT INTERACT!! smut, unprotected sex, protected sex, swearing, violence, blood, abusive parents (both reader’s parents and Billy’s dad), “cheating” (Billy and reader aren’t actually dating), Billy is a jerk BUT character growth (Billy gets better I promise, so does Reader’s dad I definitely projected my own daddy issues, so I apologize in advance), pet names (Doll)

Summary: (y/n) has lived in Hawkins, Indiana her entire life. Everyone knows her, she’s the one that sits in the second row of class, with good grades, is kind, and has lots of friends. Billy was the new guy at school, the new “king” of Hawkins High. He’s a complete jerk to everyone, even her. So why does she feel so safe with him…?

A/N: This is something I’ve been working on for over a year now, and I think I finally got it to where I’m comfortable to share. I hate when Billy is written as this “jerk but nice to you” cliché, cause let’s be real, he wouldn’t be. He’s a racist and an asshole, but I think having someone who understands his source of anger would help let him begin to learn love.

Also Scent idea: Coconut Sandalwood (bath and body candle) is EXACTLY what I imagine Billy to smell like without the smoke or cologne. Like y’all KNOW that’s his Shower gel 😩 (I may have bought one for that reason 👀)

You can’t remember when these nights began. Maybe it was the supposed ‘one night’ that started the comfort you feel with him, or maybe the continued nights you both shared after, maybe the safety you felt in his arms. You weren’t sure. All you knew is that you didn’t hate it, unlike everything else in life.

Billy Hargrove moved to Hawkins with his dad and new step mom and step sister. You had lived in Hawkins your whole life, so when the new boy took charge as the new ‘King’ of Hawkins High School, you weren’t a stranger to it. Walking around school, you always thought Billy was attractive, like any other girl. Billy was everyone’s new favorite.

Growing up here, you were known around as the girl with a kind heart. But they all didn’t really know you. You were a kid in the second row, focused on school. But what people didn’t see was the important part. Your dad is a drunk, has been since you were little. Your mom cheats on him by going to the bar every night and not coming home until 3 in the morning, wobbling in the door, rolling her eyes seeing your dad passed out on the couch. Every morning awoke to screaming and crying, your mom being shoved into a wall and slapped, maybe a punch to your dad’s chin.

You didn’t understand why they didn’t divorce. Actually, that’s a lie. Your little sister was the reason, she was the only thing keeping you there, only thing keeping your broken family on the string.

Sometimes in bursts of anger during your mom’s late night adventures, your dad would wake and mistake you for her, beating on you and calling you names. You look so similar to your mom, that you blow it off as the blurry vision of alcoholism.

The abuse never stops though, it’s a constant spiral into farther depression. Your only hope is getting good grades and getting a scholarship, going away to college, moving out of this town, maybe taking your sister with you. It is the only chance you both have at a better life.

Or at least thats what you thought.

Billy was the first person you felt safe with. You weren’t about to loose that either.

Laying out on his bed, his hands squeezing your thighs as you both moan into the now humid air of his room. You feel safe and warm, comforted by his large hands against your skin. His lips smother yours in sloppy kisses, begging for you more. You love him. God, you love him. He slams into you harder, making your back arch. “Fuck, (y/n)…” his voice is raspy and deep, lulling you to reach up to his face and cup his cheeks in your hands, pulling him closer to you for a kiss. A real kiss.

When the event is finished, he lays over you, arms around your waist. You drink in everything about him. His curly hair sprayed out over your bare chest, his sent, fuck, his sent. He reeks of cigarettes, but a strong sent of a hefty cologne masks most of it, something woodsy, but you can still smell his shower gel or maybe his shampoo? Something with coconut, something you can’t notice unless he’s this close. You reach your hand up to pet his hair, but he pulls away before you can, getting up and throwing away the condom.

Things with Billy aren’t easy. He’s rough and mean, never one for aftercare unfortunately, which is really all you need sometimes.

Walking over to his dresser, he grabs the pack of cigarettes, pulling one out and lighting it. He places it in between his lips before pulling on his boxers. You lay there for a minute, trying to have his sent linger there as long as you can. You finally sit up, looking over to the mirror over his dresser, looking at him through it. He stares down on something on his dresser. You look at yourself in the reflection. You have hickeys all on your body, a blush creeping up your face as you stare longer at the marks he left on you.

“You staying or going tonight?” He asks, blowing out smoke from his mouth. “Am I allowed to stay tonight?” You ask, eyes glittering at the man in front of you. You’ve stayed before, but every time you felt like you were forcing him to let you, and you hated it. You hated forcing him to do things, he would just get mad about it. “You can. Not like you haven’t before.” He doesn’t look at you, but you can hear the annoyance in his voice.

You never understood why you feel safe with him. Maybe it’s more that he’s better than being at your house.

“I would like to…” you mumble. He opens a drawer in his dresser and pulls out one of his t-shirts, turning around and throwing it at the foot of his bed. You crawl over, legs shaking and pick up the shirt, throwing it over your head.

When you look up, a light gasp leaves you when you sees he’s standing right in front of you. His hand reaches and grabs you chin, tilting it up to make you look at him. “Don’t get too cozy with me, Doll, I’m not a kind man.” He drops your chin and snuffs out the cigarette in the ash tray on his dresser before turning back to you. “You know this already though, right?” He asks, leaning back. You nod, staring at him. “Fuck, (y/n), don’t look at me like that. Those soft eyes are gonna kill me one day.” He walks over, wrapping his hand around your neck before smashing his lips to yours. You kiss back almost instantly.

You wake up in the morning, the t-shirt thrown on to the floor at the foot of the bed. You move, only to feel Billy’s hand land on your waist and pull you closer to him. He may claim to not like cuddles, and only in this for sex, but he always does this in the morning.

He always pulls you close, snuggling his face into your hair. You love waking up to this Billy, this gentle, kind Billy. Still sleeping Billy.

You hear his alarm go off and you sigh, knowing it will wake him up and he’ll pull away. He always pulls away. You snuggle into his chest, not wanting to move, just enjoy these few moments when he’s unconsciously loving.

Billy shuffles swinging his arm back, slapping his alarm clock, before snuggling into you more. “Five more minutes…” he mumbles. You breath in his scent. You could live like this, right here. Just laying with him. He doesn’t even know he’s holding you but he is.

You close your eyes, and before long, the alarm goes off again, Billy pulls away and you sink from the shift of weight on the bed. He sits up, landing his feet on the floor, stretching his arms before placing his hands back on the mattress. His back covered in scratches. You didn’t even notice them last night. Scratches you made last night. You marked him.

Billy stands, snatching his boxers off the floor and slipping them on. He lights a cigarette, opening his curtain a bit to look outside. The sun blares in and you flinch at the bright light, “For fuck’s sake, Billy.” The words leave your mouth before you can even process them. He turns to you and glares, opening the curtain more just to blind you. “Morning, Doll.” He spits.

You glare at him and snatch one of the pillows off his bed, chunking it at him, “Fuck you, close the god damn curtain.” The pillow hits just at his dresser next to him, “Hey!” Billy yells. You turn over, now pissed off, your wonderful morning turned sour just from him waking up. Billy closes the curtain.

The next thing you know the blankets are pulled off your bare form, the cold air hitting you. You flinch before looking back at him, “What the hell, Billy!?” He slaps his pillow back on the bed just by your head. “Get up.” He glares. “No.” “I’m not asking, (y/n).” “Don’t care.” He rolls his eyes and grumbles, walking over to his closet.

Billy drives you down the road, speeding like a fucking mad man, before parking. “You can go slower, Jackass.” You roll your eyes hopping out of the passenger seat. Max steps out from the back seat, sitting her board down and kicking off towards the middle school. “I drive how I want.” Billy glares at you, before turning around to snuff out his cigarette into the ground. You slam his car door shut and watch him whip around and glare at you. “Fucking hell, (y/n), careful!” You roll your eyes at him again, throwing your bag over your shoulder and walking into the school.

You go your separate ways for the day, focusing on your school work. “(Y/n),” you turn away from your locker to see one of your popular friends. “Party at Carol’s tonight, you down?” You think for a moment.

Your parents don’t care when you go missing for days on end. Hell, you stayed with Billy for an entire week once and then came home at 2 am, dad passed out like usual, the only person acknowledging your absence being your little sister. Your mom asked you the following morning where you had been, but you could tell she didn’t really care. “A friend’s.” You told her. She shrugged it off with a simple “Ok.” They don’t fucking care about you.

“Sure, why not?”

You caught a ride with one of the guys your friend had been trying to set you up with for the past year. God, when will he take a hint. You wear a slutty outfit, hoping Billy will be there, honestly knowing he will be.

Hopping out of the car you spot Billy on the keg stand. Fucking dumbass. When he drops he throws his fist in the air, a cheer goes across the crowd circling him. He catches eyes with you. The guy who drove you wraps his arm around your waist.

Billy would never admit it, but he hates seeing you with other guys. It just pisses him off. He can’t explain why, he refuses to. He glares at you as the guy leads you into the house. Billy can’t keep his eyes off you no matter how hard he tries.

Billy has had a rough life, his mom fucking packing her shit when he was smaller than Max, his dad being a total abusive jackass all the time. He gets told to watch over Max, make sure she’s ok, and if she gets home late or something happens it’s always on him.

But for some fucking reason he doesn’t hate you. He claims he does, cussing you out or calling you a filthy whore when he finds out you slept with another guy. But he never means it. It’s hard because all he’s ever known is hatred.

He knows of the things you’ve dealt with at home, obviously being at your house a few times to learn how shitty your parents were, same with you with his dad. He hated when your dad beat you, he would sneak into you room just looking to let off steam, and find you crying with a bruise on your cheek. He hates you crying.

Billy doesn’t know how to handle tears, so when he finds you crying in your room, all he can do is give you an escape. Laying you back on your bed and roughly making you forget about your pain.

So yeah, seeing you with another guy pisses him off.

Walking into the house, Carol greets you. You give her a quick ‘hey’ before going straight for the alcohol. You take a red solo cup, dunking it into the punch bowl. Steve walks up finding you as you chug it down. “Whoa, whoa, (y/n), hey.” Steve snatched the cup from you. “Fuck off, Steve, not in the mood.” “Just… slow down, damn…”

He hands you the cup and you lean against the counter. “What’s up? You hate parties.” “Feeling like I need a distraction.” You glare at the crowd of teens in the living room, Billy on the other side, now flirting with what ever bitch he can get his hands on.

You know you have no right to be mad, you’re just fuck buddies, not exclusive. But it still pulls at your heart seeing him run his hands over other girls. You can practically feel them roam your skin, gripping at your hips-

“(Y/n)?” Steve pulls you from your stare. “What?” You ask. “You ok? You seem so out of it…” Steve places his hand on your shoulder.

You and Steve have been friends for a while, hanging around the same crowd since elementary. Honestly you used to date, but after you broke it off, trying to focus on school, Steve started going out with Nancy Wheeler, a girl in the grade under you. You thought they were perfect for each other. Steve loves Nancy, but he still cares for you and you for him. You stayed friends even now.

“I’m fine, Steve, I’m fine.” You tell him. He nods and removes his hand. “Ok, if you need anything, just let me know, ok? You’re still my friend, (l/n), you can’t cut me off that easy.” You giggle slightly. He always lightened your mood. “Yeah, dork, I know.” You ruffle his hair and step away from the punch bowl, trying to find the guy you pulled up with. You wanted attention. Even if it meant just more sex, at least maybe you could get aftercare from someone.

You run into Tommy, one of Billy’s friends, who immediately starts flirting with you. You reciprocate, wanting to honestly just have a good time. After a couple dances, Tommy takes you upstairs.

Pulling him immediately onto the bed, you kiss him just wanting someone to touch you. Tommy climbs over you, quick to scurry off his pants, but you stop him. You help him remove them before leaning down, being quick to take him into your mouth.

He’s no Billy, but the rest of your evening consisted of your legs wrapped around his waist, kisses dancing across your neck. You know that if Billy found out he’d be so pissed. So you enjoyed yourself, letting him have you all night long, any position he wanted you. But again, he was no Billy Hargrove.

The next morning, Billy waltzes into the boys locker room. He is already pissed off, you never answered any of his calls last night, couldn’t find you at the end of the party.

When he is getting changed, Tommy starts bragging about a bang he made last night. Billy’s ears perk, curious as to what secret whore was let out at the party. “Fuck, man, (y/n) was incredible.” Tommy smirks to himself. Billy froze. Why the hell was Tommy Hagan talking about you, his girl.

When the group gets out into the gym, Billy steps up to Tommy, “heard you had a good fuck last night?” “Yeah, don’t tell Carol though, she’d flip. Honestly this chick was way better.” “Yeah?” Billy asks, a smile on his face. “Yeah-“ Billy smashes his fist into Tommy’s cheek, practically throwing the guy to the ground. “What the hell, man?!” Tommy yells out, holding his cheek in his hand. Billy grabs Tommy’s shirt and yanks him to his feet, before throwing him against a wall, punching his fists into his face over and over again. Tommy’s face starts bleeding fast, but Billy doesn’t stop.

The fight builds up a crowd quickly, you being included. When you see Billy beating on Tommy you immediately squeeze through everyone, “Billy!” You run up and grab Billy’s arm, pulling him away from Tommy, trying to get him to stop. “Billy, stop!!” You get shoved down to the floor just as Carol comes running up. “Tommy!! Billy, quit it!” Carol smashes her body into Billy, getting him to finally shove off her boyfriend. You quickly stand, getting in between the couple and Billy. “Billy, stop!” You tell him, holding your hands against his chest, which shockingly he stops. Carol cups Tommy’s face in her hands, examining his wounds, before turning to you both.

To be honest you would have felt guilty in that moment, knowing you spent the night at her house with her boyfriend, but you didn’t. Honestly you were more so shocked. You got a reaction from Billy.

“What the fuck, Billy?!” Carol screams at him. The crowd around you watches you all carefully. “What the hell is wrong with you?!” She yells, obviously and rightfully pissed.

“Oh, fuck off, Carol!” Billy yells back. You stare at him, genuinely blown away by the way your touch is calming him down. He glances down at you hands, then back up at your face. His hand lifts and slaps your hand off him. “Get the fuck off. Fuck you. Fuck all of you!” Billy walks out the side door of the gym.

“Tommy? You hear me, baby?” Carol makes her boyfriend look at her. “What the hell happened?” She asks. You turn to Tommy, meeting eyes. “Nothing, he just… fucking attacked me. That fucking psycho.” Tommy breaths out. Carol’s eyes soften, but you knew. You knew Billy found out about last night.

You step out of the school at the end of the day, only to spot Billy walking up. You glare at him, pissed he got in a fucking fight. He was completely ok too, no bruises no marks, Tommy didn’t even stand a chance. “Billy.” You went to go walk past him, but he grips your arm, snatching you to stop and look at him. “You fucking bitch.”

His words slither out of his mouth with the purest venom. “This is all your fucking fault.” His grip on your arm tightens but you don’t move, not even flinch. “Fuck off, Billy. We aren’t dating, remember?” Billy couldn’t help but wanna fucking slap you across the face right there, but he knew if he did, he would be just like his dad.

He glances down and watched for a second as your chest raises and falls. For fuck’s sake he loves your chest. Your entire body. Everything about you. You are his guilty pleasure.

Even now, as you stand before him, knowing you fucked another guy just last night, he still wants you. “God fucking- fuck.” Billy drops his hand, before barging into the school, leaving you alone.

You make it home only to have your mom home, a shocking display. “Hey,” your mom calls as you enter the house, “where the fuck have you been?” She growls. “Your dad’s passed out, Penny has had to heat up fucking egos for the past three days!” You look away from your mother. “You never cared before.” Your mother raises her brow, “excuse me?” You go to repeat your words louder, not having a damn care in the world anymore, but a sharp stink hits your cheek as your face is whipped to look towards the tv.

You take a deep breath, your hand raising to brush against your now red cheek. Your mother’s hand lays out slightly in front of her. “Don’t you. Dare. Talk to me like that again! I’m your mother! You ungrateful-”without even thinking, your hand flies, slapping against her jaw so hard she stumbles. “I don’t have a mom.” Your voice spits with such distaste towards the word. “You have no right. Claiming to be a mom? Please! All you do is fuck around with guys at bars, leaving dad here for me to fucking deal with!” You press you finger to your chest, pressing into your skin. “Me! A teenager! You hate it here! So why don’t you just fucking leave! Life would be so much better if you just fucking died!” You practically spit at her, before running up stairs.

You slam your door shut, pressing your back against the white wood. Sliding down you lift your knees to your chest, allowing yourself to cry into them. You want comfort. You want him. You fucked up so fucking bad and you hate yourself for it. Your mom deserves hell, but you deserve much worse.

Before long banging comes from the other side, making you jump, a quick scream leaving your lips, as you press your weight against the door. “Open the door, (y/n)!” Your mother screams. “Open the god damn door!!” You reach down, tears streaming down your cheeks. You lock the door, before moving as much of your furniture you can in front of the door. You panic, looking around the room.

Opening your window quickly, you climb out onto the ledge of the roof, like Billy has done so many times before. You climb down, dropping to your knees as you hit the ground. You take no time to stand and start running.

Stopping at the door of the house, you knock hard, knowing your tear stained cheeks and puffy eyes were gonna give you away. Billy opens the door, his shirt off, “aww, missed me all ready, Doll? Done with that prick, Tommy?” “Oh fuck off.” You hissed at him. You body aches as you stare at him, his bare chest smooth and perfect. He raises his hand and grips your jaw, turning your head to the side to see the red mark on your cheek. You could still feel it stinging.

“What the hell happened?” He asks. Your body betrays you, soft whimpers leaving your lips as more sobs choke up from your throat. Billy stares at your eyes, trying to read your expression. “Did he hit you again?” He was asking about your dad, but all you can do is crumble. “Doll,” Billy stiffens as you lean into his chest, laying your head on his shoulder. As stated before he hates you crying.

“Doll, come in.” He wraps his arm around your waist and pulls you inside, closing the door before slamming you against the wood. You let out a gasp, but don’t protest as his lips fall to yours, deeply placing kisses on your lips. “Fuck, Doll…” his hands raise up your shirt, before lifting you up so you sit around his waist. You run your hands through his hair, melting into his touch. God, you missed him.

He scoops you off the door, letting you lay your head into his neck as he walks you upstairs to his room. He lays you back, pressing soft kisses to your cheek then down your neck. “Billy…” your moans fill his ears, electrifying him. Fuck, the things you do to him. He fumbles with his belt as you lay on your back, wrapping your legs around his waist. He yanks out his belt from the belt loops quickly dropping his pants and boxers before sliding your underwear down your legs.

He takes no time slamming into you, starting at a fast pace, holding your hips against his waist. Your gasps and screams fill his room, followed by his deep grunts and groans. He climbs onto the bed, pushing deeper into you. Fuck, you made him crazy.

He places a hand on your lower stomach, pushing down, getting a lovely moan to slip out of your perfect lips. “Fuck, (y/n)…” his voice is groggy, deep, he grabs your thighs and pushes them down, opening you to be a perfect display for him. Your eyes roll back. Skin slaps against skin, the temperature in the room rising. “F-Fuck, Billy…” your toes curl.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck fuck fuck!” Billy leans down to kiss your stomach. “God, I’m gonna fucking cum, Doll…” your legs find themselves wrapped around his waist again, each thrust sends him deeper to your core. “B-Billy, please…” your voice begs him. He lets out a soft chuckle, “Please what, Doll? Do you wanna cum?” Billy asks, slapping his hand against your ass. The sting sends a shiver down your spine, but you like it. “Please…” he thrusts faster, your whimpers making this completely worth the workout. “Fuck…” Billy groans as he feels you release around him, making him tumble over his edge. He spills into you, placing his hands beside your head. “God… fuck…”

You pass out within seconds, laying into his bed comfortably. His scent fills your nose as you sleep, making you feel safe.

Billy lays in his bed, unable to sleep. His mind keeps replaying the last few hours in his head.

You passed out over his bed, and to be honest it scared the shit out of him. His body reacted before his brain, grabbing your face and patting your cheeks softly, “(y/n)? (Y/n).” You stirred, a hum leaving your lips, letting him release a sigh of relief. He pulled away from you, pulling out a shirt from his dresser and lifting you up, throwing it over your head. “Why the hell did you have to pass out on me? God, can’t even take it rough.” He mumbles to himself.

He stops when you lay your head on his shoulder. “Billy…” he froze, stiff as a board. “Yeah, Doll?” He spoke quietly. You didn’t answer and he looked over at your face, a soft smile on your lips. Fuck.

He laid you back, lifting your underwear off the ground and lifting it up your legs. He lets you lay back on his bed while he lights a cigarette. He takes a puff only to watch you wiggle in your sleep. “Billy…” his name leaves your lips, and he feels his heart skip each time. “God, what am I gonna do with you, Doll.” He leans over you, cigarette still in is mouth. He brushes your hair out of your face. “You stress me out… make me worry when I don’t know where you are.” He sighs. “God, you’re so pretty…” “Billy…” he brushes his knuckle against your soft cheek, “What’s on your mind, Doll. Tell me, I wanna know.” He mumbles.

He does want to know, he really wants to know. He wants to know what you think of him when you aren’t using a filter, when you don’t shout hate back at him.

“I love you, Billy…” the words are soft as they leave your lips, but just enough to make his heart jump out of his chest. He hasn’t been told he was loved since he was younger than Max, since his mom was still around. But here you were, thrown over his bed, mumbling that you love him in your sleep.

“You’re gonna kill me, Doll.” He leans over and places a soft kiss on your forehead, before pulling the covers over you, letting you sink deeper into his mattress. When he finishes his cigarette, he lays down with you, turning his back towards you.

He doesn’t know how to process this new information. You didn’t know what you were saying, he knew that much. He was bad for you, everything about him was awful, he knows that. But you love him.

You wake up to Billy, his back turned towards you. You glance over at the clock on his nightstand, 2:45. It’s still dark out, you sit up and rub your head. You glance down at yourself, you’re in one of Billy’s shirts, your underwear back on you. “Billy…?” You whisper, you know he’s probably asleep, but you really wanna cuddle him.

You slide yourself closer to him, just wanting to be next to him. You lay your forehead against his back, snuggling into his skin.

Billy feels you move against his back, trying to get closer to him, but not too much to freak him out. He feels his eyes water, unable to handle this much affection, but he let’s you continue to get comfy beside him.

In the morning, Billy is the first to get out of bed, like usual. His usual morning stretch and cigarette. You lay on your stomach, watching him carefully. You could watch this man walk around naked all day.

Billy opens the curtain and you brace yourself for the aggressive beam of light that hits your eyes, but it never comes. He sticks his head around the curtain, peeking outside. When he sees what he wants, he closes the curtain, making sure that the only light coming in is the amount spraying out from the sides.

“Doll,” Billy pokes your side a few minutes later. “Up, come on.” He’s being oddly gentle this morning. You sit up, your body still sore from last night. “Can we just skip today?” You ask, rubbing your eyes with your fist as though you were a child. Billy freezes before turning to you. “Doll, we have a test in physics, we can’t skip.” He tells you.

You like this Billy, a softer Billy. You nod and throw your legs over the bed. You go to stand but your legs wobble and send you crashing towards the ground. “Whoa, hey,” Billy comes over and helps you off the floor, “don’t be fucking stupid, take your time.” You nod as he lets go of you after sitting you back on the bed.

Last night must have been rough, you’ve never not been able to walk the next morning, but here you were, legs shaking as you were needing to get out of bed for school. Billy leaves the room and you take this time to get ready.

You have to stay leaning against furniture and walls to keep yourself from falling over. After your dressed, you try to remember all the events of last night. You remember him fucking you, hard. You remember both of you finishing, but after that it goes dark, until you woke up later in his clothes.

You conclude you passed out. Obviously, that’s the only real explanation. But why was he being so gentle this morning? He’s never this nice, it’s weird.

When Billy enters the room again, you watch him carefully. “Did I do something?” The words slip out nervously. He looks at you confused. “What?” “You’re just… you’re different this morning…” you mumble, twiddling your thumbs. “I mean you passed out last night. Made me have to fucking dress you.” His voice growls.

There he was. A comfort waves over you. “Sorry,” you speak, “I didn’t mean to.” “Yeah, no shit.”

You get into his car, now feeling like your legs aren’t jelly. Max hops into the back, now used to the fact that she doesn’t get the front seat as often anymore. Billy drives you all, speeding like usual and you just ignore it.

Getting out of the car, shutting the door, Billy speaks up, “yeah I know, go slower.” He rolls his eyes. You think for a minute. “Oh my god you’re learning.” Max stifles a laugh getting out of the car. “If only, fucking dumbass will kill us one day.” “Hey!” Billy glares at her. She flips him the bird before dropping her board down and skating off. You walk into the school, heading straight for class.

At lunch you sit down with Carol, who is already crying. “What the fuck is wrong with you?” You ask. Carol sobs and sniffles. “Tommy slept with another girl at the party the other night.” Another girl speaks up. “Carol found out from one of the boys. We think that’s why Billy got in a fight with him, defending Carol.” You wince, knowing damn well Billy wasn’t defending Carol, but the girl Tommy slept with, you.

“That Jackass.” You grumble and the girls all nod. “He fucking cheated, in my own house no less! Then came to school and let me fucking care about him!” Carol growls. “That’s so gross.” “Not cool.” “At your own party, disgusting.” The girls all pipe in, giving their thoughts on Tommy.

“Do you know who the girl is?” One girl asks. Carol shakes her head. Oh thank god. “He refused to tell me, just that she was better. That fucking asshole! That girl better watch her back though, I will fucking find her.”

Walking to your next class you get pulled into a classroom. The door shuts behind you and you whip around. Tommy.

“Tommy, what the hell?” You glare at him. “Sorry, I just…” Tommy takes a deep breath. “I really had fun the other night… and I was wondering…” he steps closer to you and you step back against the wall, “if you wanna maybe do it again sometimes?”

“Tommy, are you fucking serious.” Your eyes widen. “I just ate lunch. With Carol.” You snap at him. “Remember, your fucking girlfriend?” Tommy shrugs. “Not any more, I’m a single man, now, Love.” You wanna hurl at the nickname. “Tommy, it was a one night thing, I’m not interested.” “Oh please, (y/n), you were taking me so well. You expect me to believe that you jumping in yesterday wasn’t because you care about me?” “Yes.” You snarl at him. He hesitates for a moment.

“Oh, oh. I get it now.” He smirks at you. “You wanna keep us a secret, so that you don’t have to feel the wrath of Carol.”

Oh for fuck’s sake, he’s stupid. “No, Tommy. I don’t want to date you.” I clarify. “Who said anything about dating? Just fucking is fine with me, Sweet cheeks.” “Ew.” You go to grab the door but he cuts in front of you. “Ew? Bitch, you’re the reason I broke off a three year long relationship.” He glares at you. “Well maybe instead of thinking with your dick, you should have thought with you head and chose the girl that actually loved you. Not the girl that just wanted attention for a night.” You roll your eyes and shove past him.

Billy is waiting for you at his car when school ends, “have a nice time with Tommy?” He asks. “Fuck off, Billy, nothing fucking happened.” You glare at him. “Yeah, no shit, Doll, you came out ten minutes later, unless it just doesn’t take him that long.” He chuckles at his own words.

“So now what? You’re spying on me? Watching my every move?” You ask him, leaning against his car. He glares at you. “Hell no. Why would I be?” “Oh I don’t know, you just seem to always try to know where I am. What I’m doing.” You cross your arms over your chest. “Don’t flatter yourself, (l/n). You’re nothing special.” He tells you. “Yet you keep coming back to me.” You roll your eyes, before walking around the car.

“Hey,” you look up at him, his eyes are narrowed, “you came to me last night, remember? Don’t forget that.” He says opening the door to the driver’s side. “Not waiting on Max?” You ask him. He glares at you, “She can skate home.”

You sit in the car in silence, well as much silence as Scorpions screaming in your ear can give you. Billy bangs his hand against the steering wheel, and you stare out of the window. You look forwards only to see a group of kids on bikes. “Billy,” he looks over at you and speeds up. “Billy, slow down!” You yell at him. He just stares at you, “You know those kids?”

You do. Mike Wheeler, Dustin Henderson, Lucas Sinclair, and Will Byers. Mike’s little sister Holly is friends with Penny. “Billy, I’m not fucking joking, slow the god damn car!” You scream at him. You watch the kids speed up their peddling as they all try to race the speed of the car barreling towards them.

You place your hand on the wheel and push it to swerve around them, just missing them. “Billy, you jackass!�� You slap his arm. He slams on his brakes, almost making you slam into the dashboard. “Get out.” You look at him shocked. Is he fucking serious? “I said get out!” He yells at you. You grab your stuff and step out of his car. You slam the car door shut and flip him the bird as he speeds off.

“(Y/n)?” Mike looks at you shocked as you turn around to face the group of boys. “Are you guys ok?” You ask, walking over to help lift Dustin off the ground. “Yeah, yeah.” Lucas tries to catch his breath. “Totally.” Dustin stumbles, catching himself on Mike’s shoulder. Will stares at you. “Why were you riding with Billy?” You stare at the group of middle schoolers as they stare back at you.

“It’s a… long story.” You glance to the tree line across the road. “Come on, I’ll walk with you guys.”

As you come by your house, you stop, staring at the building, the boys staring at you. “What’s wrong?” Lucas asks. “Nothing. Just thinking. You guys go home, now. It’ll get dark soon enough.” You ruffle Dustin’s hair. They all nod and leave you standing outside your house.

You stare at the empty driveway, your mom’s car not there. A relief sets in. You step into your home, shutting the door quietly to not wake your dad. You walk upstairs only to see your little sister’s door peep open.

Her eyes glitter in the crack of the door. “Hey, Pen.” You greet her. She slowly opens her door, “Is Mommy home?” “No, she’s not.” You tell her. She thinks for a minute, you can practically see her gears turning in her head.

She runs out of her room and tackles your legs, “Hey, now, careful. Don’t wanna send me flying down the stairs do you?” She shakes her head against you skin. “Penny,” you crouch down to her height, “I’m sorry I haven’t been home much recently…” you choke out.

You hate leaving her here, knowing she has to hear all the yelling and fighting and not have you with her to help her through it. But you also know it’s better when you’re not here. Your mom treats her with more care than you. You would never hold that against Penny, though. You adore her. She’s the light in this dark house.

You know why your mom favors her also. Your mom and dad haven’t slept together since you were little, so when your mom got pregnant with Penny, you weren’t fucking stupid. Penny isn’t your dad’s kid. She’s some result of a hook up your mom had, some old flame from high school. You know who, though you didn’t know his name. You met him, years ago, when your dad was still working late nights at the plant. Your mom would bring this guy home almost every night.

Even so, knowing who Penny was, she was still your sister, no matter who or where she comes from. You love her.

“Have you eaten?” You ask her. She shakes her head and looks up at you. “What do you wanna eat?” Her eyes light up. “Pizza?” You let a soft chuckle escape your lips, “I can do that, tortilla or do you wanna order?” “Tortilla!” You nod and gesture for her to go downstairs.

Following your little sister into the kitchen, you both quietly pull out all the things you need to make your pizzas, you also preheat the oven to broil on high. You pull out the little step for your sister to make both the pizzas, helping her spread around the sauce onto the tortillas. “What are you girls doing?” You both freeze and look up, your dad now stands in the door way of the kitchen. “We…” you glance towards your sister and back at your dad, “we’re making tortilla pizzas for dinner.” Your dad’s eyes soften, “Oh, mind making me one?” He steps closer and you nod.

You have never seen your dad as a bad guy, he was genuinely a sweet guy when he was sober. When he was still working at the plant, he would take you to get ice cream after his late nights at work. Especially on Saturdays. Saturdays were the day your mom was out of the house for work, but your dad was always home, watching you. Saturdays used to be your favorite day, now you don’t have a favorite.

On Saturday morning you would wake up to your mom leaving for work and your dad just getting off his shift. He would come into the door, tackle you in a bear hug and you would both make breakfast together, pancakes and eggs. Sometimes mixing it up and making waffles. Then after eating, you both would sit on the couch and watch what ever you wanted, usually because he would end up passing out, finally getting some sleep. You didn’t mind that he slept though, happy just to be able to hang out with him for a day.

When he would wake up, sometime around 1:00, you would get into his truck and go to a local diner for lunch, getting a burger and fries. He would always get the turkey club sandwich. After that you would get one banana split and share it, he would always make the day worth the wait.

You miss those Saturdays, nothing but happy memories. You don’t know why that tradition stopped, but it stopped sometimes around when Penny was about 2, and your dad lost his job. Back then he was so kind, only wanting to make you both happy when he could. Now, now he was a shot in the dark.

After you all made your pizzas, you go to pick up the pan and place it in the oven, “Here, Pumpkin,” the nickname catches you off guard when your dad’s rough hand places on top of yours. “Let me, please.” He stares at you, those dark eyes, soft and sweet. You nod, letting him take the tray and place it into the oven. You allow yourself to finally relax.

You all sit around the table, laughing and catching up, as if you all don’t live under the same roof. Your dad’s smile fills the room, making your heart melt. You always did love his smile. After eating, he scooped out some ice cream while Penny and you cleaned the kitchen. You all move to the couch and put on a movie.

Sitting on the couch, your sister now sprawled across it, leaning against your dad’s chest, passed out. Her feet lay on your lap but you don’t mind, it’s nice to see her being comfortable to nap on the couch. You look over at your dad, he’s wide awake, stroking Penny’s hair with his palm. He looks up to see you staring at him.

“What’s up, Pumpkin?” You hesitate, a knot forming in your throat. “I missed you.” The words fumble out of your mouth as tears form in your eyes. “I really missed you.” He smiles softly holding out his arms and you crawl across the couch to him, laying against him, but making sure not to crush Penny in the process. “I know… I missed you too, (y/n).” Your tears run down your cheeks, dampening his shirt.

His fingers run through your hair. He presses a soft kiss to your head. “I’m sorry, I know things have been tough for you, I should have been there.” He nuzzles into your hair. “You’ll always be my little girl, Sweetie. I’m so sorry. You’ve done so well taking care of Penny, taking care of all of us, but you shouldn’t have to do that. God, I’m so sorry.” He kisses you forehead and you can’t stop crying.

His scent makes you feel comfortable, the smell of cigar smoke and cranberry. You missed him, so much.

As midnight strikes on the clock hanging on the wall, your dad wipes away your tears, laying his hands against your cheeks to cup your face, before placing a soft kiss on your nose. “I always hated seeing you cry.” You let out a laugh in between your sobs. “I probably look stupid, nose all runny.” You let yourself smile. “Oh no, never.” He shakes his head, a playful smile on his lips. “Not my little girl, you were always a pretty crier, even as a child, all snotty and whaling around, thumping your fists.” He chuckles to himself.

He lets out a soft sigh. “We should probably get Penny to bed.” You nod, getting up from the couch. You go to scoop up your sister, but he stops you. “I got her. Will you grab the bowls?” You nod and collect all the dirty dishes off the coffee table. You place them in the sink and watch as your dad slowly lays your little sister over his chest, supporting her bottom with his arm.

“Daddy?” You hear her soft voice call out, “Shh,” your dad mumbles to her, “Time for bed, Sweet pea.” She nuzzles into his neck as you come back into view. You follow your dad up to her room, helping him lay her down in her bed. “Good night, Penny.” Your dad places a soft kiss on her head, and she hums in response. He steps out, turning off her light and shutting the door as quietly as he can.

“She’s gotten big.” He puts his hands in the way he was having to carry her, obviously exaggerating. You let yourself giggle. He smiles at your laugh. “Tomorrow is Saturday, right?” He asks. You think for a moment. Tomorrow is Saturday. “Yeah,” he smiles and lifts a hand to ruffle your hair.

“How about we reawaken our old tradition, make breakfast in the morning and go get lunch at the diner across town?” Your heart thumps in your chest. “I would like that, Dad. I would like that very much.” You smile, a genuine smile. “Good. Now, get to bed, Pumpkin.” He pulls you in for another hug, before heading back downstairs.

You make it into your room, slowly shutting the door. You know by morning, he probably will have forgotten, probably be drunk on whiskey again. You know he probably will forget about the whole evening he spent with his two little girls on the couch, shoving ice cream into your mouths and a movie on the screen. But you don’t care, you want to soak in the night for as long as you can.

#billy hargrove #billy hargove x reader #stranger things #x reader #billy hargove smut #billy hargrove angst #angst/comfort #angst/fluff #billy hargrove x y/n #stranger things au #fwb to lovers

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moxxnie · 2 months

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✧ 💧☂️🔞 | Tear open the abyss (and climb back to the world) — Chiscara one shot

Word count : 23k words

General tags and rating : Mature, minors DNI ! Modern AU, roommates, hurt/comfort, fluff, minor angst, past Dottoscara briefly mentioned, trans!Scara (with AFAB language used), smut. More details after the cut.

Link : archiveofourown.org/works/50300539

A/N : Five months after the publication, I realize I've never posted this one shot here. So here goes! A little modern/roommates AU for the Chiscaraficfest that took place in september, prompted by BlissWielder on Twitter !

This was inspired by Wiistef's work (their roommates AU specifically), and they gave me permission to post the fic ! <3

More tags...

A/N : I actually speedran this in like, a week and a half right as I was starting my second year at uni, because I spent 2 months planning everything. "This time I'm not getting overwhelmed" –famous last words. Title is from the song "往業支離" – "Past Karma", I believe. It's an original Honkai Star Rail song for Blade, and it's an absolute banger.

Look.

#genshin impact #one shot #genshin #chiscara #scarachilde #genshin smut #scaramouche #smut #scaramouche smut #roommates #modern au #fwb to lovers #fluff #angst #angst with a happy ending #trans!scaramouche

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twizzledx · 2 years

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Gojo the pussy eater (fwb)

Gojo your best friend half the time, the person you could cry on his shoulder after a breakup, go to the amusement park, drink coffee with at the cafe, or even crashing at your place. But the other half of the time your lover; the one that loves your pussy.

God if someone asks what his favorite meal was he would say your pussy and he wasn't lying.

And not only does he enjoy it but he craves it, busting your door open for you to whine at him to be careful, but him not listening and just pushing you on the couch for his favorite meal after a long hard day...

He loved how you squirmed and pushed his head deeper into your clit begging and grinding on his face as he smirks because he knows hes the only one that can make you feel this way.

Your panties all wet with your slick as he snaps them off

"you look so pretty all hot and bothered" and with that he would play with your clit with his tounge first, teasing you not entering and when your just at the tip of euphoria he stops and gives you a sloppy kiss, just so you can taste yourself on his tounge. All Gojo really needs is his mouth to make you cum, his hands preoccupied preventing your legs from squishing his face.

And he loves you yanking his hair, trying to push him to where you need him most and hes just grinning at you because your to weak from pleasure to really put enough force, but he finds it cute you try.

tw: cheating

Oh but what Gojo hates most... is when your with your boyfriend on the couch as he sloppily makes out with you. Gojo is just leaning on the door sneering, because the only thing he could think right now is that he could do it better. So when your boyfriend leaves you unattended Gojo can't wait to make you feel better. He pins you down as your whimpering for him, but telling him you can't, all while your hands are pulling him closer. His mouth hovers over your exposed clit as hes licking up and down while he grips your things..

He doesn't need to feel jealous for long, no, your boyfriend may have claimed your lips but he claims your pussy.

#gojo jjk #gojo satoru #jujutsu kaisen smut #gojo x reader #eat my pussy #pussy lover #pussy eater #secret #affair #fwb au #fwb #x reader #gojou satoru x reader #gojo headcanons #gojo x you #so hot 🔥🔥🔥

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harrywavycurly · 1 year

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Summary: You’ve been friends with Eddie for years, he was there during both break ups with your now ex Steve Harrington but somewhere down the line the two of you have entered into a special relationship known as friends with benefits. Neither of you want to admit it but feelings have changed, so who will be the first to break…you or Eddie? Let’s find out shall we?✨

*for the most part this is a texting series but you’ll find all the fun extras below*

Status: Completed🖤

Requests: here

Conversations: here

Everything Else: here

Fics: here

Part 1: Are we gonna talk about it?

Part 2: It’s over, for good

Part 3: Sweatshirt

Part 4: What’s her face

Part 5: Why are you in my front yard?

Part 6: Sorry…

Part 7: Really Robin?

Part 8: Jason

Part 9: I don’t believe you

Part 10: Tell me why

Part 11: Just admit it

Part 12: Scouts Honor

Part 13: Understanding

Part 14: Five minutes

Part 15: Idiots

Bonus Content:

Dates

What are you wearing?

She Laughed at Me

Valentine’s Day

What Happened?

Annoyed

Creamer

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jooberry · 1 year

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title : middle of the night | part II

previous part : part I

pairing : hyungwon x female reader

genre : smut, friends with benefits, idol!au

warnings : mentions of blood, mentions of pain, dacryphilia

word count : 4,7k

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Your dark red acrylics are tapping against the white marble of the kitchen counter. You’re deep in thought, out of time, red-painted lips pursed together as you watch Hyungwon pour his favorite liquor into a lowball glass before sliding it toward you. He looks at you expectantly, the liveliness in his gaze bringing you back to the present moment and out of your thoughts. You accept the drink with a faint smile, twirling the ice cubes around the glass before taking a sip from it. He sits in front of you with a satisfied grin, pushing his too-long hair back with a flicker of his fingers. The way he looks so effortlessly good while doing the most mundane things is so unfair, it has you staring and gawking like a middle-schooler and wondering if you’re equipped enough to even be in this relationship. It stopped being fun the moment you started missing falling asleep touching his hair, for sure.

It’s the first time you’ve been to his place for what seems like forever, and you look around the place like you’re not used to everything single thing here, like it didn’t feel like home for a long time. You used to come often, stay for days on end and just watch him exist, and it was fascinating – you remember. Hyungwon always blossomed into an entirely different person when you stayed the night, he was waking up before you to fry eggs and toast bread, to let fresh air into the space so you wouldn’t feel stuffy. It was good times – beautiful times – but now everything seemed to have happened in a different lifetime, one where you were just content to exist next to him without always pushing for more. You sigh, shifting in your seat as you would back in the moment, and his stare is on you again, unreadable, and slightly uncomfortable. Suddenly you realize how warm it is here, how good it smells, how good that shirt looks on him, and how better it would look on you. Blood Orange is playing in the background, and you don’t remember Hyungwon being a particularly huge fan of them. You wish he could kiss you awake in the morning again; you wish you could hug him from behind and press your head against his skin and feel better about everything like you used to.

Something has changed in your relationship, and you can’t pinpoint exactly what. Did you stop staying at his place because you don’t feel that comfortable around him anymore? Or is it because you fear what feelings lurk in the darkness of your heart with each passing hour? Regardless of those things, it is a fact that you don’t feel in sync with him anymore, that spending time in Hyungwon's presence doesn’t feel as right as it used to. It’s been like that for a while now, and you don’t know if it’s because you decided to stop clinging onto hopes so much anymore, or if it’s just him being bored of you. Sometimes you wonder if it has caught on to your feelings and is slowly preparing you for his absence when he finally breaks things off. First, the trust you had in each other was stripped away, and now you’re at a point when everything has turned sexual. You stopped simply existing around each other.

You have to admit, you’re already one foot out of this, on the lookout for someone that could make you feel as alive as he used to – as he still does, actually. The emptiness Hyungwon leaves behind is not the downside of something precious and sacred anymore, it’s crushing and cold. It’s the cruel reminder that you have selective memory and that you blissfully ignored the part where you’re friends with benefits and not lovers for way too long.

“How was your day?” You ask, pulling him out of his thoughts. His eyes widen in surprise, and it seems that it takes him a few seconds to gather himself back to you before he slowly reaches for another glass and pours himself some bourbon as well. You want to ask about what was making him think so hard but abstain when the small voice in your head reminds you of your place. His thoughts are off-limits.

“As usual. I worked, went to the gym, and had dinner with the guys” He’s pushing some ice cubes out of their tray as he speaks, and you can’t help but ogle at his hand flexing in the movement. He’d make fun of you for that if he knew how smitten you are about every single thing about him. “You?”

“I spent the day working on some new things for you and the boys” you reply, not missing any second of the way Hyungwon drinks from his glass before putting it down on the counter. You don’t miss a second of the action; the slight furrow of his brows, the almost imperceptible clenching of his jaw, the subtle movement of his lips. “And I went on a date”

You expected him to show at least some emotion at the mention of that, but he seems unfazed when he looks into your eyes; like he feels bad that you would even mention this to him when he so obviously does not care. He has girls lining up to be in your position, and you expect him to be sad that you’d date? You push aside the embarrassment and keep going as you trace the outline of your glass with the tip of your nails. “It was nearby, that’s why I figured it would be easier to just drop by instead of having you come over” you add.

It feels bittersweet to know that there used to be a time when Hyungwon truly cared about you and what happened to you. You cut your finger chopping up fruits in this same kitchen once, and when he realized how terrified of your own blood you were, he hugged you, kissed your forehead, and cleaned your wound before wrapping a hello kitty band-aid around it. He didn’t let go of you until he was sure you felt safe and cleaned everything without complaining even once – and he looked hot doing it. That was one of the first times you felt Hyungwon's affection for you somewhere other than in his bedroom, one of the first times you felt earth shatter underneath you until it collapsed that time he called to wish you happy birthday despite being busy on a completely different time zone on the other side of the world. You were on a flight to meet him by the next day, and it seemed completely normal then.

“Did it go well?” He asks, so nonchalantly, miles away from the guy that skipped an entire day of work once simply because you didn’t want him to get out of bed. He empties his glass in one gulp, before putting it down on the counter – the sound is considerably louder than the first time he did so, and you tense a little. You press your lips together, carefully ignoring the growing tension between the two of you.

“Yeah, it did.” You reply with a small smile, memories of the hours prior flashing back in your mind. “I’m happy to see him again,” you say without second thoughts. Hyungwon has proven to you that it doesn’t matter who you see, so you don’t see the point of sparing his nonexistent feelings. You just want him to know that he isn’t the only man you’ve gotten the attention of, even though you’re probably not the only one sharing his bed either. You’re fighting a pointless fight because you have no power over him while he could crush you with a single sentence.

“Then why are you here?” He asks, with a sigh. He seems annoyed, which is good enough for you as it is. At least it’s more than he has shown until now. You take a sip from your glass, before slowly putting it down. You look up at him, before blinking away – scorched.

“I don’t know” you mutter, looking down at the melting ice cubes in your glass. You’re almost afraid of what he’s going to say next. You know him well enough to know that his coldness is unlike anything else; it slowly seeps under your skin and settles there. He’s the kind of man that changes you, that you'd leave scarred and hurt. The kind of man that will break your heart without batting an eye when you push him too far. He’s done it before.

“If it was sex you wanted, you could’ve gone home with him” Hyungwon spits, his gaze dark and cold. What hurts the most when he’s like this is that everything he says is right. You could have gotten home with this other guy if you had wanted to. He would have happily obliged if you judged by the way he kept stealing glances at your décolleté, and it would have quenched your thirst for knowledge about him to see where and how he lived. But your phone rang mid-date and there was no way you could have declined his offer. Neither your mind nor your body was ready to be with another man, and Hyungwon's name on your phone still held too many promises for you to brush him off so quickly. You needed at least a final taste before saying goodbye. At least one.

“Why does everything have to be about sex with you?” You reply, stung by his words, even though you knew that was the only thing he could have told you. He shrugs, pushing his hair back with one hand, as he pours himself another drink with the other.

“Because that’s the reason why you’re here” He retorts, tilting his head in an ironic gesture. “You want me to fuck you”

You sigh, downing the rest of your glass before sliding it back to him. He pours you some more liquor, before sliding it back, this cold and arrogant look that you hate so much on his face. You drink half the glass before slamming it back on the counter. Your thoughts are becoming fuzzy and confused, alcohol and negative emotions not being the best combination for rational thinking.

“You’re right…” you mutter, scratching the back of your head, as you’re tapping on the counter with your index finger again. “It seemed to have slipped out of my mind for a while… I guess had too many drinks” You laugh, but there’s not even an ounce of amusement in your voice.

Hyungwon squints his eyes and furrows his eyebrows at your words, and you down the rest of your glass in one gulp before slamming it back on the counter. You’re afraid to look at him, you fear you’re going to combust if you do so. It’s really weird how he pretends and acts like he’s above feeling anything, yet you can feel the scorch of his anger swallow you whole and turn you to ashes. Why he’s angry is beyond you, considering how he just stomped on your umpteenth attempt to get through to him. You remember reading somewhere that what draws you into someone often ends up becoming the same thing that drives you away, and you can’t help a crooked smile; his aloofness stopped being hot when you started wanting him closer.

“Do you want me to fuck you?” Hyungwon asks, just like you know he would. You sigh, before finally looking up at him. He looks like he wants to destroy you completely, to break everything that you are, and you start biting your bottom lip in apprehension. It’s one of those nights.

“Of course, I do” you reply, looking up at him with a crooked smile, before taking his glass and downing it. You’re acting on autopilot as if something had broken inside of you and the part of you that has learned to satisfy his every desire has taken over. It's one of those nights.

You get off your stool and make your way to him, melting your lips against his as your hands slip under his shirt. Hyungwon tastes like memories – like the sweet aftertaste of the bourbon that you sipped from his glass on the thunderous night; cinnamon, toasted vanilla bean, chocolate. You bite on his bottom lip when it’s time to pull away, tilt your head to bite his skin. His breath catches in his throat, and you start kissing his neck, his shoulder, and his chest, as your fingers make quick work of his shirt. The piece of fabric falls on the floor, while you keep smearing his skin in dark scarlet lipstick. You kneel in front of him and unbuckle his belt.

“I guess that date didn’t go so well after all,” he says, slowly pushing the hair away from your face with the tip of his hot fingers with a crooked smile. He seems so satisfied to have you here in this position despite what you’ve told him earlier – and you feel so stupid to fight against someone you have no power against.

Without taking your eyes away from his, you discard his pants along with his underwear before slowly wrapping your mouth around his tip, swiping his member over your wet lips a few times. Hyungwon jerks his head back in a sigh, and you’re encouraged to take as much of him in your mouth as you can. You suck him hard, creating as strong a pressure as you can around him; your lips are so tight against his member that he can’t help but moan so loud you shiver. His voice is pure honey to your ears, a sound so heavenly you’re ready to beg all the gods that you’re the only one who gets to hear him make them. While your mouth presses him so hard it’s blissful, you circle your tongue around him, and glide it over the vein running all along him; he devours you with his eyes and slowly pushes the hair away from your face. You let him go, and he holds himself and runs his tip over your sodden lips. His gaze is scorching, almost hard to hold, but in this moment when you have him wrapped around your fingers – or your lips – you feel bold, untouchable, all-powerful.

You take him again, so deep he reaches the back of your throat; your vision gets clouded by tears and you don’t get to see the expression of pure bliss on his face as he murmurs “fuck” with a voice so strangled it doesn’t even sound like him. You keep going, ignoring the tears rolling down your cheeks and the sharp sting in your throat, until your gag reflex threatens to hit, and you pull away, catching your breath. You wipe your tears, smudging away your mascara and moving the falsies from your eyes; you probably look disheveled and dirty, but that’s just how Hyungwon likes you. You stroke him a few times, as he kicks away his pants from his feet, before going back to your work and gobbling all of him down your throat. He holds your head in place and moves his hips to meet your mouth. He reaches even deeper into your throat, and you must push back on his legs to alleviate the movement. Tears stream down your face again, and wet, gagging sounds start filling the room. He keeps going and going before pulling away in a groan, tenser than you’ve ever seen him.

You wipe your mouth with the back of your hand and get back on your feet, smearing lipstick on your cheek, before unzipping your dress. You kick it away, and Hyungwon grabs you by the waist as he gets up from the stool, pressing himself against you. He’s hot and hard between your legs as he bites the spot under your ear, and you wrap your arms around his neck. His skin is burning against yours, his heart beating erratically, and you wish – harder than you ever have before – that you’re the only one he's doing this with. He lifts you up, holding your legs under his arms so he can slide inside of you. You bite back a scream, and let your head fall in the crook of his neck. He pins you against the window, and you shiver at the coldness of the glass on your back. When he starts moving his hips, your nails dig into his skin and your voice finally echoes in the room.

From the outside, all that people can see is dark glass, your form pressed against it, your broken screams, and your hair bouncing up and down your face is a secret shared only by the two of you. You look down at him, get lost in his eyes, your mouth wide open and your body shaking in his arms; he looks back at you, dazed, blissed out. You want to ask him do you feel it too, how right we feel together? But he kisses you, and you close your eyes, letting the thought sink into you like a bottle drowning in the ocean. Hyungwon would probably discard you if he was aware of your feelings. He would replace you with someone else; someone smarter, someone who knew their place and wouldn’t fall for him. He chews on your bottom lip, as you start shaking in his arms again. Your voice is nothing more than a cry as you gush all over him before falling limp in his arms. He caresses the small of your back, slowly coaxing you back to reality, before carefully walking you to his bed.

The smell of Hyungwon's sheets is so familiar, so soothing. You’ve spent countless hours laying there, crying, screaming, laughing, back when things between you weren’t so complicated, so rehearsed. You pull him back against you as he enters you again, more slowly this time. Your legs close around his waist, and his hands mirror the same motion around your throat. Immediately your hand is on his, your eyes close and your voice shatters in high-pitched cries as you sink deeper and deeper into a pool of crushing pleasure with each thrust. His brown eyes darkened by lust progressively disappear from your view as you start shaking again, and you succumb again. He rubs your clit with his thumb, and that’s enough push for you to explode everywhere again, some of your juices splattering on your face. You try to grab his hand to stop him but he’s way stronger and keeps pushing you until it seems like every drop of water has been drained from your body. You think it’s over, but he starts slapping your clit with his member and it feels like electricity suddenly traveling down your body. He coats himself in your juices before sliding inside of you once again.

You bite your hand at the intrusion, but he slaps it away, pinning your hand above your head with one hand. He starts slamming his hips against yours, ramming into you at a pace that makes it hard to keep your eyes open. He places his other hand around your throat again and presses so hard that your screams are muffled, cut in between by the movement of his hips. From the small you can see from your half-closed eyes, his eyebrows are furrowed and he’s biting his bottom lip, his eyes so dark you can’t even differentiate between his pupil and his iris. Hyungwon's fucking you so hard, so fast, that you’re certain of finding bruises on your legs and neck tomorrow. Your body starts to shake and lift you off the bed, but he pins you down with a firm hand on your underbelly and keeps going. It feels so good, so intense, to have him caged between your insides and his hand like this; but it also feels too much, too deep. After a few thrusts, it starts to sting a little – he keeps hitting a spot so deep inside you that you feel like you’re being split in half, and some kind of pressure starts building up and you grit your teeth. His lips stretch into a devious grin, as tears fill your eyes. You call out his name, but he keeps going.

He pushes your legs further down, going even deeper. His face is closer to yours and he starts kissing the tears away from your eyes. The taste of blood fills your mouth, and you start crying, pain and pleasure mixing deep from within you in an almost scary way. The pressure keeps building up in your stomach until it reaches a breaking point and you’re letting yourself go all over his sheets. You think he’s going to give you a break, to let you breathe for a while but he grabs your ankle and flips you over before slamming back inside of you. Hyungwon’s not even done with you yet but you’re already sore and tired, and it doesn’t get any better when he starts spanking you in a way that takes you aback. It feels so good but it also hurts, and at this point, you don’t even have the strength to move anymore.

Your head falls back into the cushions, and he starts pressing on it so hard you find yourself fighting to breathe. Your thoughts become confused, and you don’t even know if you’re conscious until you feel the sting of his hand on your ass again. You bite down on the covers, screaming into them when you start shaking and soaking his sheets again. There’s a moment of silence before he flips you back, and when you open your eyes, he’s looking down at you with an unreadable expression. You're burning to ask him if there’s someone else? if he thinks about her when he fucks you? if she tastes better than you? if she’s the one he spills his secrets to? if he loves her? If he has ever loved you? You can’t trust your lips, and your heavy heart threatens to explode and spill over his sheets.

You get on your knees, pulling him out of his thoughts as you close your lips around his tip again, lowering your mouth to his length until he reaches the back of your throat. This time he grabs a fistful of your hair and moves his hips at a pace so punishing that the sounds you’re making are echoing against the walls of his bedroom. He keeps fucking you hard, his hands shaking and his voice shattering a little more every time. You push back against his thighs, but he holds your head in place until he finally lets himself go and fills your mouth in a moan so heavenly you feel yourself shiver. Looking up at him, you swallow everything with fluttering lashes and the most innocent expression you can muster. Hyungwon caresses your cheek with a smirk, before leaning down to kiss you. You fall back on the sheets, and he crashes next to you, pressing your head against his chest. He starts playing with your hair, in that same oddly intimate way he does every time. He always feels like a different person after sex, and it’s hard to know which one is the real him.

“Are you okay?” He asks, kissing the top of your head as you slowly hum in response. You curl up around him, basking in the feeling of his skin against yours, of his smell mixing with yours and becoming one. It feels so right, yet it can’t go on any longer.

“I can’t keep doing this” you mutter, as Hyungwon keeps playing with your hair. You take a deep breath. “Sex isn’t enough for me anymore, I want all of you” You’ve thought about this long and deep, slowly building up the courage to say those words to his face. Your voice – unlike your heart – doesn't even crack when you speak, and he doesn’t seem taken aback either. “I want to know your thoughts, feel every single one of your emotions, and know all of your secrets…I know that’s not what we agreed on, but that’s how I feel”

Hyungwon acts like you didn't even speak, his hands stil drawing a soothing motion in your hair. It hurts to feel him so close yet to sense that he's so far. His heart has forever remained out of your touch, to the point where you start to believe the ones that you told he didn't have one. How he can be capable of so much affection towards you while simultaneously be so cold and detached is something you simply don't get. Does he even feel anything towards you? Was it just his way of keeping you there, of giving you just enough treats to keep you around in his house, to stop you from looking for attention somewhere else?

“I wasn’t expecting you to say anything” you add, sitting up so you can watch him. He gets up as soon as you do, placing his hand on the small of your back before pressing you against his hot chest. “I was just hoping you’ll listen and understand my heart…” you whisper, tracing the lines of his abs. “I will miss you, Hyungwon” Your lips stretch into a small smile before you slip out of his bed.

You don’t even cry when you’re alone in front of the bathroom mirror, maybe because you know he’s only seconds away and will be able to hear every single sob. There’s no point crying here because he won’t come to hug you through the pain this time, but will probably stay in his bed and wait for you to leave while he texts another girl to come and fill in for the second round of sex you failed to deliver. You don't have to know about that.

You open a drawer with shaky hands and grab some oil and a cleansing balm, before closing it. It’s funny how you know so many things about Hyungwon, yet you know nothing about him at the same time. You know his favorite dishes, his favorite drinks, his favorite color, the lyrics to his favorite songs, who his favorite artists are, where he likes to go on vacation, what he does to ease his mind when he feels anxious, yet you don’t know who he is or what he feels. You don’t know what all these years with him were about. You don’t why he took you where he grew up, why he called you to his studio in the middle of the night countless times because he “needed you to finish some songs,” why he becomes cold every time you mention another man. You don’t know anything, actually.

Hyungwon suddenly appears behind you in the mirror as you’re smearing his toner on your face. You tense a little at the sight of him; his hair is comically not messy, but you can still see where you’ve bitten him on the neck. He leans in the doorframe, arms crossed on his chest, looking at you with an expression you can’t read – not that it matters anyway. You quickly comb through your hair with your fingers, before opening the cupboard, looking for some lip balm. You search through the mess, and your eyes land on the familiar shape of your perfume sitting among countless bottles of other ones and lotions.

“You still have this thing?” you ask excitedly with a laugh, turning around to show him the bottle. He nods, and you turn back around, spraying the perfume on your neck and on the insides of your wrist, before turning it around to see if the engraving of your name is still intact – it is, and you smile. You forgot this bottle in the bathroom of his hotel suite when you joined him the day after your birthday. When you asked about it, he had told you that he didn’t find it – yet here it was. “I thought you didn’t find it?”

“I wanted it for myself” Hyungwon answers, uncrossing his arms. “I was afraid you’d find me weird for keeping it” you sneer, placing the bottle back in his cupboard before closing it.

“You’d find me weird if I wore the clothes you forget at my place?” you ask, and he smiles. You shrug with a little smile, before walking past him to make your way out of the bathroom, but he grabs you by the waist to bring you back against his chest. You wrap your arms around his neck without even realizing it, and he nuzzles his head in the crook of your neck. You soak in the moment, filling yourself in his embrace and drinking in his smell one last time. You’re going to cry, and the urge to leave becomes urgent. Hyungwon seems to sense it, and hugs you tighter.

“Don’t leave” he whispers in your ear, “Please.”

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