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embrassemoi · 3 years

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Surrounded by the Moon and Stars • 06

Pairings: Sirius Black x [F]Reader, Remus Lupin x [F]Reader Content: Language, possible errors, music snob!Remus, Author’s notes: song used: Come Together by The Beatles

BTW: I always try to use little to no physical descriptions for the reader insert but I did add that the reader has some sort of hair. I didn't mention hair texture or length (Sorry if ur bald). My taller readers, I only mentioned that you were shorter than Remus (no height was given)

Masterlist: Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Chapter 6: ABBA vs. The Beatles

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“Merlin’s beard! Binns is a sadist; torturing students must be his only pastime,” James yawned, taking his glasses off to rub his eyes.

Nothing could ever compare to the History of Magic. Today, lessons were dreadful and muddy. Professor Binns’ monotone voice filtered throughout the class, rambling on and on about various dates in history. Hardly anyone paid attention before he started calling on students. Annoyed, Binns would continue to reiterate his inquiry until the student(s) got the correct answer, no matter how long it took.

A sadist indeed.

Although Binns wasn’t the sole reason why the class was pathetic, but rather the lack of any practical work was simply a joke. The class only reminded Y/N of her short time in public school. Geometry? Utterly useless for any daily life interactions. To make matters worse, Binns surprised the class with a pop-quiz and two chapters of reading. Luckily, he had an ounce of mercy in his ghostly body and dismissed the class early for lunch.

James continued, “I would rather fight a dragon than — Woah! Your hair! “

She glanced to look at herself through the reflection in James’ glasses. Her hair, which originally was emerald green, was now turning into a golden yellow. The different colours clashed together boldly.

“You look like the banner for the Holyhead Harpies,” Peter said, striding up to James’ side.

“The Holyhead Harpies,” James said dreamily, “They’re probably one of my favourite teams.

Remus, who had been trailing behind Peter jumps in, “You only like them because they’re all women, you wanker.” He turns to Peter, his hand shooting up to the side of his head, massaging small circles into his temples, “Why’d you get him going?”

James became insufferable whenever someone or something mentioned Quidditch. Not only would he boast about his abilities as a Chaser, but he seemingly was a never-ending encyclopedia about Quidditch. It only worsened as November neared, the start of the new Quidditch season was approaching.

One time Y/N found herself stuck listening to him babble about Ireland winning the world cup for about thirty minutes. She didn’t have the heart to stop him, though. Nobody listened to his rants and he could hardly contain his excitement. How could she tell him she wasn’t interested?

A monstrous smirk etched its way onto his face, “Caught me.”

“Be anymore of a predator would ya, Prongs?”

“Hey! That’s not the only reason why I like them. Did you forget their victory in 1953 against the Heidelberg Harriers? Their strategy was blood-fucking-brilliant. They’re legendary! My father was there to see it in person. Lucky bastard. He told me…”

His voice fades into the background as Y/N catches Remus’ eyes. A glint of mischief shined through them before he forced a fake pitiful smile. He mouthed a quick ‘sorry’ to her before looping his arm around Peter’s shoulder, discreetly leaving James’ side and out of the classroom.

That sly, slippery bastard.

"— and did I mention that their seeker was one of the most sought out —”

“Wait, James.”

He abruptly pauses, waiting patiently for her to continue. She leads them out into the corridor and towards the great hall. “Sorry, didn’t mean to cut you off like that, but when is my hair going back to normal?”

Y/N instantly regretted mentioning her hair. There was no trace of a smile on James. His shoulders slumped a bit and his walking even staggered. “Godric, I know, I know and I’m sorry. I thought it would have returned back to normal by now. I’ve been creating reversal spells — even started asking Moony to help.”

“Moony?”

“Remus.”

“Another one of your nicknames?”

“It’s not a nickname! It’s a brotherhood — a pack!”

“Oh, sorry Prongs,” she drawled, a sarcastic smile on her face, “If I didn’t know you I would assume you were an asshole.”

“What? How?!”

“You go around calling yourself a marauder, the king of Quidditch and now Prongs. Seems pretty assholely.”

James’ mouth opens before closing again, repeating the process several times.

“Plus, you pull silly pranks every day.”

He chuckles, “Oi! You helped us with that itching idea!”

Her eyebrows raised in acknowledgement, “Touché.”

To this, James shakes his head, directing the conversation back to the Holyhead Harpies. Inwardly, Y/N wanted to whack him with a broomstick.

They were among the first students to reach the Great Hall, aside from students who had a free or were excused early by Professor Binns. None of the girls were there yet. Unfortunately, Marlene was held back by Binns, so Y/N was left to sit beside James who sat opposite to Remus, Peter and Sirius.

She had been trying her best to avoid Sirius whenever she could. It was clear he didn’t like her. He never laughed whenever she made a joke, he hardly noticed her, he never praised her, even if she tried to compliment him. He was just rude for no apparent reason. The rest of the marauders and girls knew this, although they preferred not to comment about the obvious, strained relationship (which they didn’t even know the reason for. Granted, Y/N wasn't quite sure herself. Was it the rejection, he just didn't like her or is just an ass?).

Although, ignoring and avoiding him proved to be extremely challenging. Y/N was glued to Lily’s hip ever since the Sorting Ceremony. It also didn’t help that if you were with one marauder, another one was sure to follow. She and James started to spend more time with each other, and by extension, she was obligated to be around at least one other marauder. With the addition of study sessions with Remus, it was inevitable.

Surprisingly, Sirius hadn’t made any snarky remarks, excluding dirty looks, he was being… nice — nicer to her. The action was a stark contrast from his previous behaviour and she speculated a few reasons why:

Most likely, James or Lily, she assumed the former, said something to him. Since his little spat with James at breakfast a few weeks ago, Sirius was tight-lipped ever since.

Maybe he was done being a prick, deciding to stop by himself after realizing he was a prick.

Went through something personal, it stopped, and his behaviour improved.

Minutes after the bell rang, students began to trickle in for lunch. The comfortable chatter rose as Y/N finished eating an apple. Everyone seemed pleased when James’ Quidditch lecture was interrupted as hundreds of owls streamed in, packages and letters dropping into the laps of students. She hadn’t expected anything considering her owl, Celeste, didn’t drop anything off since the first week of October. However, today she fluttered down between the bread and fruit bowls, dropping off several letters and a small parcel onto Y/N’s plate, pecking at the bread crumbs on the table. She tore the letter open, inside it said:

Dear Y/N,

Are you still having a hard time with Charms? If so, perhaps I find some textbooks and send them over.

Don’t slack off this year. Send me a letter whenever you have the chance. (Make sure to tell Celeste to be quieter next time. You know I can, and never will get used to the owls.)

Mom

Her mother finally wrote to her. A sense of joy flooded her body as she placed the letter back down on the oak table. A part of her wondered if Celeste was dropping off her letters to the wrong house, the one back in Toronto as her mother never wrote back. She opened the next letter, immediately recognizing the messy scrawl:

October 19, 1975

Y/N! I thought you replaced me with one of your brits, but a false alarm, your letters just take a while to arrive. Must be tiring for Celeste to travel to and from Scotland then America and back. You know, whenever people see her fly in, they still recognize her.

Are you doing anything for Halloween? We’re throwing another dance. Going to be alone this year now that I can’t force you to come. I guess I’ll just watch half the school dry hump each other while I smuggle in firewhiskey.

How’s it going over there? I heard from a few students, even read in the papers about the war. It’s getting pretty crazy over here. Teachers have been meeting and trying to prevent students and parents from losing their shit. My mom has been worried too, writing to me like a lunatic and I’m not even in the UK. The MACUSA have been keeping quiet but they were caught having meetings with counsellors from the Ministry of Magic. Even heard that Jenkins is stepping down. If it keeps getting out of hand here, I can’t imagine what it must be like at Hogwarts. I truly thought the war was dying down, I was wrong. Keep your wand close. Surely, you’ll get away with a hex or two.

Until next time

Matthew G.

So engrossed in her new environment, her old life slipped to the back of her mind. There was a detachment from her reality compared to the one at home. A pang of guilt hit her, swallowing her up from the inside out until another pang hit, loneliness. If she easily forgot everyone, would anyone remember her? None of her old friends, apart from Matthew, had made a move to contact her since she left.

Often thinking about writing them first, she had to remind herself if they wanted to, they would. Especially with the knowledge that people still recognized Celeste.

Was she forgettable and if so, was it karma for forgetting too?

It put a mechanical vice grip on her heart, applying just enough pressure to be a constant reminder. With every beat, it tightened more and more.

Looking around the table, she saw her peers huddle in groups, familiar laughter ringing throughout. So noisy, so taunting. She may have been friends with Lily, Dorcas, James or even Marlene, but they had their own friends. Friendships that had years to develop before she came. She had only known them for less than two months.

Forgettable.

How hilarious, she thought.

“Hey,” a gentle voice cooed into her ear, “Are you okay?”

She hummed back absentmindedly.

James wore a concerned expression, his eyes knitted together, one raised higher than the other like it always does when he was worried. The look he shot her suggested he wasn’t convinced, although he didn’t press; instead opting to stir the conversation. “So, who wrote to you?”

“A friend and my mom —”

A snort so loud that it caused the rest of the marauders, random onlookers and even Lily (who had a look of pure disgust on her face) turned towards them. “What did you say?”

“I got a few letters?”

“No!” He bellowed, “Who sent you them?”

“My friend and my mom —”

Nearly choking on his sandwich, James clutched his stomach laughing. Laughing so hard he has to grip the table to prevent falling off the hall bench. "Haha! Mom?! MOM?” He mocked in a poor American accent, “What the fuck is mom? It’s MUM. Bollocks!”

“We say vitamin.”

“It’s VIT-A-MIN! Who says VIGHT-A-MIN?” Without a pause, James presses his entire body onto her shoulder, smushing her before grabbing the letter her mother sent her. His eyes scanned across the pages before hitting a certain word. “Back home? Maple trees? Where did you use to live exactly?”

“Canada.”

“Canada?! You don’t mean those snowy gits?” At this, Peter and Remus snort under their breaths. Even Lily had to force down a smile.

Staring deadpanned at him, in an unamused voice, “Really?”

“You are a bundle of surprises! I thought you lived… I’m not sure. I assumed somewhere like New Hork.”

“York,” Lily corrects.

“Tomato, tomato,” he jokes, playfully batting his eyes at Lily before biting into his sandwich, “You do live in London, right?”

“Right.”

James takes a moment, letting the conversation die down before he quickly glances at Y/N again. An undecipherable expression crosses his face before it’s promptly replaced with elation, “I take back anything negative I’ve said about Canada. They have an amazing Quidditch rooster. Have you gone to any of their games?”

A low grumble of sighs follows at the mention of Quidditch from James. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Remus shake his head and sighed dejectedly.

“Nah, I’m a New-Maj, remember? My mom — “

“Mum —”

“ — sorry, Mum — hardly understands the wizarding world, let alone what Quidditch is.”

His eyes were wide, whimsical, as a hand flew to his chest dramatically, “Rubbish! Bloody ridiculous! You’ve never seen a real Quidditch game? One day, I swear I’ll bring you to one! Or you can bring me to Canada one day and we can watch a home game!”

As James continued to rant, Y/N’s mind slowly drifted back to the bitterness in her chest. Trying to distract herself, she borrowed Lily’s quill and a few sheets of parchment, scribbling down letters in response.

Mom,

I’m fine with Charms, you don’t need to send anything. And don’t worry, I’ve been studying for my OWLs.

Love you, write soon.

The next letter was addressed to Matthew:

Matty Matt,

Of course, I didn’t replace you… yet.

Another dance? You would think the students’ protest last year would have influenced the professors this time. I guess it’s time for you to get wasted. I didn’t tell you last time but I think I’m going to a party. A friend of mine is throwing it and I know he’s going to force me to come no matter what. He briefly mentioned costumes and drinks. Plus, there’s going to be some kind of prank that I may or may have not been a part of? Sounds cool right?

Yeah, I’d say it’s been bad up here. I don’t know much about what's going on outside of school, though. The professors are hiding it well. I didn’t even hear about Jenkins stepping down. Keep me updated.

Until next time

She sealed the letters before sending Celeste off again, “Be quieter when you drop off the letters, yeah?”

❉───────•~❉•᯽•❉~•───────❉

It must be her lucky day.

The ringing of the bell went off, signalling the end of class. Professor Flitwick asked the students to stay behind so he could hand out quizzes the students completed on Monday in preparation for their upcoming test on Growth and Reductor charms the following Tuesday.

It was never a good sign when a professor flips your test over to prevent other students from seeing their mark. Flipping it over at a downwards angle, Flitwick handed Y/N her quiz.

Turning it over nervously, a tight coil formed in the pit of her stomach. A large P was plastered on the top right corner in bold red ink. She studied hard for this too. Angrily, she shoved her work into her bag and left the class. This was the third poor she'd gotten in a row. She should have told her mother she needed those Charm books.

“I swear I’m going mad! Her brother is a complete cow! He even — are you listening?”

She looks at the girl beside her, Marlene. Her glossed over, doe eyes must have served as an answer before the blonde shook her head.

“Sorry, distracted,” she mumbles, before forcing out a fake-happy tone, “Continue your story! I wanna hear!”

“Hey,” Marlene says in a softer voice, “If something’s bothering you, you can talk about it.”

“No, it’s okay,” she replies instinctively. She felt bad spacing out during Marlene’s story but her mind was running through and under hoops. The last thing any fifth year student needed was to fall behind in their classes, let alone feeling like nobody cared about them.

At that moment, she wished she was wrapped away in red and gold blankets to wallow in her self-pity party, away from prying eyes. She could feel the burning sensations of tears building up.

Dammit.

Y/N looked out the window to her left. The sky was melting with the warm hues of reds and yellows while the other half was being slowly engulfed into a cloak of twilight. Even from here, she could feel the cool air seeping in from the windows making her tug on the sleeves of her robes.

She continued, “I’m just tired — been a long day. I’m going to take a nap before dinner. See you.”

Judging by the look on Marlene and Lily’s face, guilt riddles her body. They both look sympathetic. The pity only made Y/N feel disgusting. In all honesty, Y/N will care later. Right now wasn’t the time and she desperately needed some shut-eye.

Before she left the room, she overheard them talking.

“What’s up with her?”

“Dunno.”

Great.

❉───────•~❉•᯽•❉~•───────❉

Sleep did little to ease her thoughts.

The same uneasiness she felt on the train ride to Hogwarts settled deep into her bones again. She thought she was past this. The worrying about friends, missing home, feeling alone, failing class, stressing about her future. The rational part of her brain knew it was just one silly quiz (and old shitty friends), but knowing herself, if she were to continue to have this mindset, she would only fail in the end.

Dinner ended and Y/N belligerently climbed up the stairs towards the library to attend today’s study session. The Charms quiz threw her into a loop and it was better not to dwell on it, opting to rather use her time for something useful.

Her marks improved significantly since she attended her first session two weeks ago. The last couple of assignments and quizzes she handed in that she worked on during the groups were some of her best work, ever. Additionally, her ability to retain information was improving at astonishing rates and she found herself participating in lessons more often. Unfortunately, she started to doubt her abilities again.

There weren’t as many students as usual. Perhaps it was because of the Quidditch meeting for all teams tonight, or because nobody wanted to spend their time in a library Friday night. She assumed it was the latter.

Although, the same student with black hair from Slytherin was there; tucked away in his usual corner. He was always there. Whether it was the study sessions, another OWL or NEWT student or he simply just enjoyed the library, Y/N could always rely on him sitting there in his little nook.

In the far back, surrounded by tall bookshelves sat Remus. Another student, a first or second year, judging by their height, seemed to be asking him a question, rapidly writing down something on a piece of parchment whilst they walked away. Remus leaned back in the brown chair, his right leg was folded over the other as he stretched.

She spent over twelve hours minimum with Remus directly since the first session, minus the time he was around James and the girls. Perhaps she only started to notice afterwards but she swore Remus wasn’t around this much before. Now, he was everywhere.

In the past couple of weeks she’d gotten to know him, she made a mental list in her head of him:

1. Remus loves sweaters. They weren’t flashy, seemingly preferring to wear ones with small designs, stripes or a solid colour. He wore green the most. He also wore cardigans. Two, in particular, he wore the most; one was white and the other was a muted brown. They were big and hung off his loose frame, the pockets were often stuffed with books, rumpled parchment and his wand.

2. He’s a coffee addict. He drank it in the morning, the afternoon, at the study session and sometimes with meals at dinner. He loved to dump pounds of sugar, so if he only drank black coffee, it usually meant he was in a bad mood. James even joked that he became Sirius whenever he drank black coffee, because haha! Get it? It’s BLACK coffee!

3. He frequented the library whenever he wasn’t with the rest of the marauders. He enjoyed poetry, wrote post-it notes after post-it notes to annotate his favourite parts. He even slept there from time to time, not without having to persuade Pince to not give him detention.

As if Remus magically sensed her, he took a large inhale before he stopped stretching, opening his eyes to look at her. A small smile was plastered on each other’s faces. He stuck up a few fingers to wave at her, motioning her to come over.

“Hi Y/N. I thought you didn’t come on Fridays?”

“I don’t but I have a test, Charms, Tuesday.”

“Oh, well I’m happy to help.”

“Thanks for the offer, Professor Lupin, but just being down here will help me focus.”

A scarlet blush settled on his face at the mention of his tutoring. “Well come sit with me then.”

Pushing the chair out of the way, she sat down beside him, pulling out her cassette player and earbuds along with her notes. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Remus staring at the player curiously.

“Do you want to listen?”

“If you don't mind. I didn’t know you could use these here.” Picking it up, he turned the rectangular device.

“If record players work here, why not this?”

She hands him an earbud, alongside a small collection of other tapes she had on hand.

“Choose whatever you want to listen to.”

Without much thought, he pressed the play button. The upbeat tune of Waterloo by ABBA trickled into their ears. Y/N bobbed her head up and down before the song was suddenly stopped.

A sour grimace sat on Remus’ face before their eyes met, his nose upturned slightly.

“Why’d you stop it?”

“I hate ABBA.”

“What!?”

“I just don’t like their cheesy disco-pop-esk sound. They sound generic and random words are thrown in when they don’t add to the song.”

“Jeez— never met anyone who hated them that much.”

A ghost of a smile appeared before he flicked through her collection of tapes. He picked up Abbey Road by The Beatles. Opening the player up, he slid out Waterloo. With a click and the press of a button, Come Together played.

“So you hate ABBA but not The Beatles? Benny and Bjorn said they were influenced by them!”

“Keyword: Influenced; which is just another word for a shitty knock-off version.”

4. Remus Lupin is apparently a music snob.

“Well, I think both are good.”

“Respectfully, I disagree with you.”

“Whatever you say, professor.”

"I've been thinking a bit, why did you come to Hogwarts? Why not just stay at your old school?"

The sudden switch of topics threw her into a loop. “Wasn’t by choice. My mom’s a doctor and got a position here. It was too good to turn down. But it’s not bad. There’s less wizarding laws.”

He nods his head, "I'm assuming you have dual citizenship?"

"Mhm."

About a half an hour passed as she sighed for the umpteenth time before putting down her quill. Her chair scraped back noisily as Y/N’s hand balled up into a tight fist, feeling her fingernails bite into her palm. She’d been flicking through her notes, the words all blended.

At this rate, if History of Magic didn’t exist, Charms would surely be her least favourite class.

“Are you sure you don’t need help?”

She was at a loss, this was the third time Remus had offered to help and he was persistent. She felt horrible that she was taking up his time to help her on a stupid Charms test.

He continued, “If you think bothering me is an issue, it’s not. I run the sessions on Friday. It’s my job.”

“Fine, but there has to be something I can do in return.”

“Hmm,” Remus pondered for a second, “How about this, I tutor you in Charms and in return you give me your Potions notes? I'm dreadful at it.”

“Deal.”

“Great. Before we start, is there anything in particular that you have questions on?”

Silently tapping on the quiz she received today, Remus snatched it and quickly scanned over her answers and Professor Flitwick’s notes.

“I see what happened. You know, the curriculum taught at Ilvermorny is different. That’s probably why you can’t understand some of this shit.” He cleared his throat, “So as we know, the growth charm increases the size of your intended target…”

His voice, like a light switch, changed instantly. Instead of his softer deep, raspier voice, it became commanding and steady. He never stumbled over his words and articulated his points elegantly. She found herself enraptured by him, understanding why he was in charge of the study groups.

Eventually, Remus takes a pause, “Does that make sense?”

“Yes. You know, you’re really good at this. No matter how much I asked Flitwick or even Lily I could never get it.”

A large blush bloomed on the apples of his cheeks before he shyly rubbed the back of his neck, averting his eyes. “I’m not that good.”

“No time for modesty, Professor Lupin!”

“Okay, okay! So here, do you see what went wrong? There would be a reaction with those two spells if —”

A boy, small, most likely a second year, stood at the foot of the shared table holding a large red and gold book. His hair, dark ginger, similar to Lily’s, was cut short. He fiddled with his fingers as he continued to stare at the two.

“... Um, hi. You're Remus — right?”

“Yup. Did you need help with something?”

“Yes! I’m having trouble with the Transfiguration spell, beetle into button.”

A look of understanding passed through his face before Remus turns to look at her, “Duty calls. It’ll be quick.”

“Of course, take your time.”

It was not quick. Understandably, very few were successful at the ginger’s age to perform the spell, but thirty minutes passed and the second year still didn’t understand the basic concepts. No matter how many times Remus had reiterated his point differently, the boy couldn’t retain it.

“I just don’t get it.”

“You learned this last year, it's a quick revision. I’m not sure what part you’re talking about. Look, do not wiggle or twirl your wand left, direct it towards the right. You have to picture the spell in your head before saying the incantation.”

He guided the boy's hand steadily before performing the spell himself.

“I don’t understand!” The boy whined.

He sighed, “Then we keep trying —”

“It’s too hard. Why are they teaching this crap anyway?”

“Could you stop complaining?” He snapped, closing his eyes before he realized what he’d just done. “I’m sorry about that. I’m… just tired. I can’t help you anymore, though. You should ask someone else,” Remus said brusquely, his eyes unnerving as he stared at the child. As a result, he yelped out a ‘thank you,’ rushing off in the opposite direction.

The muscles in his jaw tensed under the soft glow of the table lamps. There was a pale red tint rimming his eyes and he looked visibly paler than normal. Irritated, he bounced his knee rapidly, up and down, before looking out the large window beside them. The sky was mostly cloudy. Only the peak of the silvery moon appeared. A sliver was missing before it was fully complete.

He closed his eyes, before breathing in. His posture once stiffened, completely relaxed before a flimsy smile reappeared on his face, returning his attention to Y/N.

“Let’s continue, shall we?”

“If you’re tired we can stop.”

“No, s’okay. I’m fine — really.”

She chewed the inside of her cheek, adding to her list:

5. Remus was always so hard to read.

148 notes · View notes

littledrummeraussie · 4 years

Note

It’s still the 20th in my timezone so I wanted to give my request a try: 😍 - it’s so cliche but I’d like to read smth. With being roommates with Ashton (maybe the reader also works in the music industry like his real roommate) and the reader slowly realises that they are in love with him.

1. Ashton overstimulating youu🤤🍭 but like not as a punishment more as a “exploring” and like al the praise he would give uuuu🤤🔥

2. Ash using a shower head on you?🔥🔥🔥 or maybe he holds ur legs open with his own legs and uses a vibrator to overstimulate you🤤🤤🤤🔥

3. @ashtondaddy90 Congratulations! You deserve all the followers you got. Your fanfic are all amazing 🍭 with dom! Ashton

When I asked where should we go next with the 1K Celebration prompts Blanca @notinthesameguey simply said that we should combine them. So this is entierly her fault. Thank you Blanca.

I didn’t exactly follow the prompts, but I hope you will still enjoy Ashton and his roommate having feelings for each other, resolving the tension with some naughty sex in the end.

1K celebration masterlist

- - - - -

“Rise and shine!”

“Fuck off,” you laughed into your pillow, burrowing under the blankets as Ashton opened the curtains in your bedroom. “It’s too early for your bullshit.”

“It’s 9 AM and you’ve already missed breakfast,” he climbed over your bed, tugging the sheets down before taking the pillow out of your hands. “No pillow fights, you know I’m right.”

“Didn’t plan on it,” you chuckled and Ashton lovingly rolled his eyes, already knowing that you definitely thought about hitting him with your pillow.

“Coffee’s waiting for you downstairs,” he leaned over and combed the hair back from your face before kissing your cheek. “I need to run some errands, do you need anything?”

“5 more minutes of sleep,” you closed your eyes, giving a light push to his shoulder to give you more space.

“You’re unbelievable,” he huffed with a laugh before scooting off the bed. “Why do I even let you live here?”

“Because I pay rent, not like Calum,” you gave him a sleepy wink, and Ashton laughed again, clicking his tongue.

“True. Alright, call me if you need anything.”

“A new roommate!”

It all happened after your previous roommate got a boyfriend for herself and you quickly needed to find a place when they’ve decided to move out and into their new shared home. Ashton’s offer came in the form of a surprise call while you were packing up your stuff. The two of you previously worked on a few small projects and he told you that he had a spare room you could use as long as you needed it. He even helped you transport all your things across town and made you feel right at home in his own house.

You’ve spent the evening catching up on the last few months as you ate takeout and drank cool ciders, setting some ground rules for your new living conditions. Ashton pressed a kiss on the top of your head before he went to bed, making your face heat up. You’ve told yourself that the feeling will pass; after all it was just a friendly gesture from him – he was your new roommate, nothing more.

The first few weeks were spent working out how the two of you could actually live together without being in each other’s space all the time, but you both found that you didn’t mind the other’s presence while you were working. It was way much simpler than you’ve thought it would be, and by the next month you were already working on another project together in your spare time. You’ve felt a strange domestic bliss settle over the two of you as you’ve cooked dinner and washed the dishes, talking about ideas while you ran errands or when you’ve watched TV before bedtime. Ashton seemed like the perfect boyfriend material and you needed to tell yourself to keep your thoughts PG when it came to him. You didn’t want to wake up one morning to awkward conversations about your night activities.

This thought lasted until you started to realize how comfortable the two of you became with each other. Ashton didn’t mind taking off his shirt during the day if it got too hot for him, and most mornings you’ve found him in the kitchen only in his boxers, tan skin and muscles all on display as he made coffee. His smile was always bright and flirty, and on many occasions you felt your panties slightly sticking to your skin by the time you’ve finished your breakfast. He let you borrow his hoodies, still warm from his body with his scent lingering on the fabric, and you felt dizzy whenever you’ve thought about burying your nose in his neck just to really feel him. You slowly started to realize that you had it bad for Ashton – and that you couldn’t help yourself, even if you’ve tried your hardest.

It happened during one of those nights when Ash was out with the guys and you spent the majority of your time alone, sipping on a glass of wine and enjoying a hot bath. You were a bit tipsy as you found your way back to your room, ready to turn in for the night and have a long sleep before he woke you up again at the crack of dawn. As you passed Ashton’s bedroom you stopped – the door was left ajar and you peeked inside with a giggle. You’ve been in there plenty of times before, but there was something exciting about looking inside while he wasn’t there. You caught sight of a discarded black shirt on the floor and you had a feeling Ashton kicked it under the bed in a hurry as he was getting ready.

A blush crawled up your neck at the thought of stealing it, and before you knew it you slipped inside, reaching down and bringing the shirt up to your nose, inhaling his citrusy scent that mixed with the smell of sweat and the fabric softener he used. You hugged it to your chest as you made your way back to your room, locking the door before letting the towel fall on the floor, and in seconds you pulled the shirt over your head, pretending it was an actual hug from Ashton. You lay back against the pillows as you buried your nose in the collar of the shirt, a small moan leaving your lips as you clenched your thighs together, a familiar throbbing taking over you. God, you wanted him so bad.

Your nipples hardened under the fabric as you thought about all those times he ran around the house only in his sweatpants, shirt forgotten next to his drum kit after practice, water drops clinging to his skin before running down on his back, soaking the towel riding low on his hips. A hand slipped between your thighs, fingertips teasing your slit as you thought about Ashton’s fingers drumming on the counter or brushing a lock of hair behind your ear, his touch always soft and careful, and more than anything you wished you could feel that touch on your skin right now. You imagined what those long fingers could do to you, all the places they could reach to make you see stars, and you threw your head back as you slowly eased a finger inside.

In your fantasy hazel eyes stared up at you as Ashton slowly moved his finger in and out, a grin pulling at his full lips as he told you how beautiful you looked. Before you knew it a second finger joined the first to stretch you, and you whined as you thought about Ashton doing the same to you, preparing you for his cock. Your other hand slipped down to rub your clit, pretending it was his lips and tongue chasing you towards your pleasure. You let your sounds spill out of you, moans and whines mixed with words begging for something more as you let your fingers bring you to your next orgasm, already working towards the third, not caring about how sensitive you were.

What you didn’t know was how the door opened downstairs, Ashton quietly locking it, not wanting to wake you as he figured you’ve already gone to bed. He toed off his shoes and made his way up the stairs, but stopped when he heard moans from behind your door. Ashton held his breath as he listened to the sounds, face hot and cock stirring in his pants as he realized what you were doing. He wished your door was open just a crack.

Maybe he should have been ashamed as he let his fingers curl around the hard-on straining against his jeans but he couldn’t help himself. He’s been doing his best to keep you out of those kinds of thoughts, even though the final image crossing his mind before coming was always one of you. Ashton didn’t want to ruin your friendship and your current living arrangements, but he felt like you’ve put a spell on him all those years ago when you two started working together. He wished that he could figure you out, to find out if the thoughts and feelings he had towards you would be reciprocated if he ever had the courage to just come clean about them.

And God knows he tried to gauge your reaction after the first few weeks you’ve spent together as roommates. There was a reason he forgot to put on clothes in the morning, pattering around the kitchen only in his boxers as you came down for coffee. He was always careful with your conversations, using certain words and themes that would tell him if you would be open for something more between the two of you. Ashton felt a spark of hope whenever he caught you in one of his shirts or hoodies, or those times you fell asleep with your head in his lap – there was something in the air, he was sure about that. You were way too comfortable with each other just to be friends. He just needed to be sure it wasn’t just unresolved sexual tension, but maybe something deeper.

His pants were already hanging open, rubbing his cock through his boxers as he listened to your moans and whimpers, tightening his fist around himself every time he heard you riding out your next orgasm. He was rock hard and leaking precum, soaking the fabric of his boxers as he quickened his pace, his teeth sinking into his bottom lip to keep his own sounds at bay. This was the first time Ashton really let himself think about you like that – naked and writhing on your bed, fingers curling around his biceps or into his hair as he kissed and sucked your neck, leaving his marks on your skin as he took you hard and fast. He wished he could be the one drawing those sounds out of you, making your thighs shake and your body tremble as he made you come again and again.

A high-pitched moan echoed around the house and it took only a few more strokes for Ashton to reach his own orgasm, his sounds muffled by a hand over his mouth. With his back against the wall he gave himself a few seconds to catch his breath before scrambling back to his room. His face felt hot, hair sticking to his forehead as he shrugged off his shirt and jeans, his boxers a mess from his pleasure. He wiped himself before throwing his clothes into the hamper, crawling under his sheets as he tried to wrap his mind around what just happened. Ashton was ready to feel shame, to feel like he had violated your privacy which was one of the ground rules between the two of you – but he only felt the wild thumping of his heart and the pleasure still buzzing through him.

It might have been the first time he heard you through the walls – but it wasn’t the last.

From that point on it felt like a game that none of you wanted to really acknowledge you were playing. Some days it was you wearing only a shirt and a short with no underwear on as you’ve made breakfast, wanting to know if the sight would make Ashton finally tick. Other times it was him leaving the bathroom door open just a crack as he took a shower in the morning, his voice dangerously close to a moan while humming to himself. It was flirty remarks with double meanings, sentences cut short as they would give away too much, and touches that lingered on too long on knees and shoulders. It was Ashton leaving his shirts all over the place that you would pick up later and steal to sleep in them, always making sure to put them in the hamper before he caught you. Whenever you thought he was already asleep you’ve let your mind and hands wander, not knowing how he listened to your pleasure as he tried his hardest not to go over to your room and take you right then and there. Both of you wanted the same thing – you were just scared to take the necessary steps, not wanting to face the possibility that maybe you have misunderstood something.

Ashton’s been acting strange for weeks, and you started to feel like you may have done something that made him close himself in his office, spending hours on his phone and leaving the house for long periods of time. Then another thought crossed your mind, one that made you want to move out of the house immediately. If Ashton found someone for himself then you didn’t want things to be awkward for any of you – you’ve already spent a good chunk of your year living with him, maybe it was time to finally find your next home somewhere else where you wouldn’t be a third wheel. Again.

But before you could approach him with the question you were dragged away for a quick road trip by your friends, and at least for two days you were able to forget about your feelings and thoughts that all circled around him. The house seemed dark and empty when they’ve dropped you off at home, and you almost asked your girls to let you crash at one of their places as you were sure Ashton was out and most definitely with his mysterious new girlfriend, but they’ve already left the scene, making you look for your keys to enter the house.

What you didn’t expect was the lights turning on the moment you’ve stepped inside, familiar faces cheering and shouting ‘happy birthday’ at you as Ashton tackled you from his place next to the door, hugging you as he bellowed ‘surprise!’, making the both of you giggle. You quickly found out that he’s been organizing your party for weeks now, going out of his way to make it perfect, calling up all of your friends and looking for volunteers to help him get you out of the house until everything was prepared. By the time your road trip team arrived back to the house you were already changed out of your travel clothes, sipping on a glass of champagne and hugging Ashton, thanking him again and again for the amazing surprise.

His smile was wide, eyes sparkling as he pulled you to his chest to dance with him, and for a moment you’ve wished the two of you would be alone so you could kiss him senseless, properly thanking him for all the work he has done. You let your head rest on his shoulder, getting lost in his scent and how he held you, and he pressed a kiss on your temple before announcing that it was time for some birthday cake. You ended up with frosting all over your face, smearing some of it on Ashton and Calum’s cheek before continuing the party which lasted well past midnight.

Ashton wrapped his arm around your waist as he helped you upstairs, both of your tipsy giggles echoing around the house. Most of your friends have already left, but a few were passed out on the couch and fast asleep in the armchairs. He made sure you were put into bed safe and sound, wishing you a happy birthday once again as he closed the door behind himself. Ash stopped before going to his room, thinking about how he wanted to kiss you goodnight, how he wanted to press his lips against yours as one last present for your special day. He shook his head, telling himself that he needed to be sober before making decisions like this, and went to his room to sleep of his drunken haze – confessions can wait a few more hours.

Your eyes opened as you felt the mattress dip next to you, expecting to see Ashton with a cup of coffee, but only finding one of your guy friends asking if you wanted him to stick around and help you clean up after yesterday’s birthday party. You gave him a smile, telling him that he can definitely go home; you and Ashton will deal with the rest once you have woken up. He gave you a hug before leaving your room and in a minute you’ve heard the front door closing, signalling his departure.

You peeled yourself out of bed, throwing on an oversized shirt as you made your way downstairs, ready to see what needed to be done. The first step was definitely coffee, and as you waited for it you started to clean up the plastic cups and plates, collecting and throwing them into a bag. A song from last night got stuck in your head, something you have danced to with Ashton, and you bit your lip as you thought of his warm body wrapped up with yours. You hummed to yourself as you reached for two mugs, deciding that you will be the one bringing coffee for Ashton this morning – and who knows, maybe he will invite you to join him in his bed.

“What, is he gone already?”

Ashton’s gruff voice took you by surprise, and you spun around to face him, unsure of what he’s referring to. He was leaning against the wall, hair sleep mussed and arms crossed over his chest, his eyebrows furrowed as he looked you over.

“I don’t follow,” you shook your head, suddenly feeling small under his stare, and he just huffed.

“Right, cause Greg didn’t just leave your room this morning,” he rolled his eyes, voice full of venom as he spit the name out. “Stop playing around.”

“Well, if you need to know, then yes,” you crossed your arms as well, mirroring him. “He did come in before he left. What, am I not allowed to have friends over, especially ones you have invited? And anyway, are you spying on me?”

“Guess you got what you’ve craved? Did he finally fuck you?” he took a step forward, now towering above you. “I remember you telling me you had a crush on him.”

“Geez, Ash, what is up with you?” you looked at him in disbelief. “That was years ago, why would you bring that up now? And God no! No, he just came to ask if he could help me clean up.”

“Well, then where is he?” he quirked an eyebrow. “Doesn’t seem like he’s into the whole housework thing.”

“I’ve told him we can clean up just fine. You and I. Didn’t want him to get under our feet.”

“Yes, but did he get under something else?” Ashton’s fingers curled into the hem of your shirt, eyes on fire as he tugged you closer. “Maybe he did clean you up…”

“Okay, stop that right now,” you pushed Ashton away, annoyed with his nonsense. “I don’t know what kind of weird stuff you’re talking about or why is this sudden interest in my sex life, and definitely don’t understand this… possessive jealous act. Coffee’s on the counter. Find me when you’ve cooled down.”

You’ve stepped around Ashton, ready to go back upstairs and curl up in your room, trying to make sense of his unexpected mood swings and strange words but you were suddenly pulled back by your shirt and before you knew it you were pushed up against the wall, Ashton pinning you there with his body.

“Stop,” he breathed heavily, fingers curling around your wrists before pulling them above your head. “You stay right here.”

“Or what?” you tilted your head up, looking into his eyes. “You revoke my roommate card?”

“No, I wouldn’t do that,” he shook his head before quickly licking his lips. “But I might make you pay your rent in a different way…”

“Fuck it, I’m done with this,” you huffed as you tugged your hands free from his grasp just to curl your fingers around his jaw, pulling him close and crashing your lips together.

Ashton moaned in your mouth, arms sliding around your waist to pull you closer to him, hands resting on the top of your ass. After months of letting the tension build between the two of you it finally broke, and you let yourself curl into Ashton’s embrace as his tongue licked against your lips, pushing it in to kiss you deeper. You were up on your tiptoes as your hands slid down to his shoulders and over his bare chest, tickling his sides before settling on the sweatpants riding low on his hips, fingertips pushing under the fabric. He chuckled against your lips before taking your wrists again and pulling them back between your bodies.

“Cute,” his tone was playful, voice just above a whisper. “But I have other ideas.”

Before you could ask him what he meant Ashton has already turned you around, pushing you up against the wall again, his body melting against your back. A moan slipped out of you as you felt his hardening cock on your ass, his lips skimming on the back of your neck, teeth lightly nibbling on your skin. He pressed a kiss against your ear, his hot breath making you shiver.

“You sound even more beautiful like this. Not muffled by doors and walls and the hallway.”

“Ash–” his name got stuck in your throat when you felt your skin turn hot as you realized what he was talking about. “Fuck!”

“You want me to do that? Fuck you like I’ve wanted to for months?” he rutted his cock against your ass, and you’ve tried to push back to feel more of him.

“Yes! Please Ashton, just… please… wanted you for so long,” you practically begged him to take you right then and there, and you heard him groan against your neck.

One of his hands slid up your chest to cup your breast over your shirt while the other stroked over your inner thigh, palm curling against your heat. Your panties were already soaked and Ashton let out a satisfied hum as he pushed his fingers under the fabric, drawing slow, soft circles around your clit.

“Do your fingers feel this good?” he nipped at your ear, and you shook your head while trying to move your hips to get more friction. “You sure seemed to like them… sometimes it felt like you’ve been fucking yourself for hours…”

“Been thinking about you… how your fingers would feel inside me…” you licked your lips, hands slipping against the wall as you moved back against him. “How you would feel inside me…”

“Why don’t we find out?” his hand tugged your panties to the side, middle finger running through your wet folds until it circled around your entrance, slowly pushing inside. “Better than your own?”

“I can take much more,” you let out a giggle which immediately turned into a moan as Ashton quickly pushed in another finger. “Fuck, that’s good.”

“Let’s see how much more you can take, pretty girl.”

His fingers started moving in and out of you, quickly finding that sweet spot inside you that made your legs shake and your breaths hitching. His name on your lips mixed with moans and whimpers and fucks as his thumb dragged against your clit, never missing a beat as he pleasured you. One of your hands reached for his, and he interlocked your fingers, holding you close to his body with both of your arms around your middle. Your head was thrown back against his chest, his lips kissing your forehead and murmuring praises as he worked you toward an orgasm.

“Wanna see you cum for me,” Ashton picked up the pace of his fingers and you felt the unmistakable clenching of your walls around them. “Show me how you look when you think of me, baby. Cum on my fingers like you’ve imagined.”

“Ashton, fuck! I’m close…” you whined against his neck, and you felt his thumb rub your clit even harder. “Ash–”

In that moment you’ve chocked on your next moan, your whole body trembling against his as pleasure filled you from head to the tip of your toes. His fingers didn’t let up their work as you clenched around them, making you see stars as another smaller shock ran through your body. You leaned against the wall to collect yourself, moaning as you felt Ashton move right behind you, his fingers still deep in your pussy, slowing down their pace but never pulling out.

“Sensitive…” you whimpered when he swiped his thumb over your swollen clit, your hand reaching for his between your legs to make him pull out.

“Oh no, I wasn’t done with you yet…” he pushed your hand back against the wall with his free one, still lightly stroking in and out of you.

“Fuck, I can’t…” you whined between moans, and he clicked his tongue before kissing your ear, hot words whispered against your skin.

“You seemed to like having multiple orgasms during your play times,” he tugged on your earlobe with his teeth before kissing your jaw. “So this is for all those times I’ve heard you getting off in your room and not being able to do anything about it.”

And with that his fingers picked up the pace again, rubbing and stroking and fucking you, not caring how sensitive you were from your previous orgasm. Your vision blurred, toes curling against the tiles as you felt the next rush of pleasure shaking your body, making Ashton push his cock even more against you while letting you ride out your climax on his fingers.

Your ears were ringing, breasts heaving as you’ve tried to catch your breath while Ashton slowly eased his fingers out of you, holding onto your hips to keep you upright. He pressed a kiss against your neck, tugging on the collar of the shirt to feel more of your skin, teeth lightly biting you, leaving the smallest of marks on your shoulder before he turned you around, making you lean back against the wall. You gave him the smallest of pouts and he chuckled, pressing his lips against yours, softly kissing you while your fingers curled into his hair at the nape of his neck, and his into the side of your panties, tugging them down your legs. Before you knew it he was already on his knees, pushing your shirt up to kiss your stomach, making his way down.

“You can’t be fucking serious…” you clutched at his hair as he pressed his lips lower, nose nudging at your bellybutton.

“Don’t say you didn’t think about me like this,” he looked up at you, hazel eyes sparking with mischief as he licked between your folds, tongue slowly swirling around your clit.

“More times than I could tell,” you tugged on his dark hair, not sure if you wanted him to stop or keep going.

Ashton hummed as he licked you again, fingers running down your thigh before his fingers curled around the back of your knee, pulling your leg over his shoulder. He dived back in, lips and tongue licking and sucking at your pussy, practically making out with it as you moaned and trashed above him. He switched between long strokes and teasing circles around your hole, lips closing around your clit as his fingers slipped back inside you. It was too much and not enough at the same time, and you pulled on his hair as he brought you to your third orgasm. You felt your thighs shake as he put your leg back on the floor, and he quickly stood up to wrap you in his arms, not wanting you to fall over.

“You’re killing me,” you panted against his neck as Ashton squeezed your hips, suddenly picking you up and making his way towards the living room.

“And I’m still not done with you. You’ve been a tease for months, it’s time to give you what you really deserve,” in seconds he pushed you down on the couch, climbing over you before crashing his lips against yours.

There was nothing slow or soft about his moves now, he was a man on a mission as he tugged off your shirt, lips closing around your nipple while he thumbed the other, making them harder and even more sensitive than before. You would have pressed your thighs together if he wasn’t between them, so instead you wrapped your legs around his waist, pulling him closer like that. A chuckle left his lips as he pulled back, kneeling up on the couch and looking over your body. Heat crawled up your neck under his gaze, your body on fire, your mind hazy, the only thing you were sure about was that you wanted Ashton right now.

He must have felt the same about you as he quickly got up to kick off his sweatpants, his cock hard and curling against his stomach as he climbed back over you, letting you wrap your hand around his length as he kissed you again. You moaned into each other’s mouths, clearly done with your teasing now, and just wanting to feel what it was like when you let your feelings take over. Ashton pulled your legs back around his waist, elbows resting next to your head as his fingers curled into your hair, knocking his forehead against yours. His eyes were dark and full of something you haven’t seen before, but you found that you wanted to see it again and again. You tilted your head up, brushing your lips against his while guiding his cock against your hole, sighing as he finally pushed in.

Ashton took you with one smooth thrust, his groans filling your ears as he felt your heat wrap around him. He rested his hips against yours only for a second before he started moving, lips latching onto your neck to suck a mark into your skin.

“Fuck, Ash, I won’t last…” you whimpered as his cock hit your sweet spot again and again, your fingers leaving small crescent marks on his biceps as you held onto him.

“Cum again, baby,” he pushed his lips against yours, hips quickly snapping into you. “Cum again and make me cum with you. Show me what I’ve been missing by not fucking you sooner.”

His words triggered your orgasm, your whines muffled against his shoulder as you shook under him, your walls clenching around his cock like you wanted him to stay in you forever. Ashton groaned as he pounded into you a few more times, then suddenly his body tensed above you, his cock buried deep inside your pussy as his cum filled you up. He pressed chaste kisses on your cheek and lips before pulling out of you and you whined at the loss of his body heat. He shushed you, his voice sweet as he told you he will be back in a second, and then you’ve lost sight of him.

You were pretty sure you have blacked out for some time from the intense orgasms you just had because the next thing you knew was Ashton in his sweatpants, a washcloth in his hand as he softly cleaned you up. He helped you back in your shirt, rubbing his nose against yours as he said something about how you have to be careful before standing up. You clearly didn’t listen to him because the next time he came back you were already lying on the floor, giggling about how clumsy you are. Ashton shook his head before kneeling down next to you, reaching for a pillow to put it under your head, and when he was done, he crawled over you, slowly resting his body against yours, his head on your breasts.

“This was… something…” you let your fingers run through his hair, and he nodded, burrowing closer to you.

“Y/N?” he slowly looked up at you, eyes back to their soft hazel colour, and you felt your heart beating just a little quicker than before.

“Yeah?” you bit your lip, suddenly unsure of what Ashton’s next words would be.

“I guess I do need to ask you to stop being my roommate,” he pushed himself up and over you, resting his weight on his arms next to your head.

“I– uhm… I mean, of course, it’s your house and…” you started babbling, but Ashton quickly shook his head, a smile pulling at his lips.

“No, God no!” he leaned forward to press his lips against yours, silencing you with a kiss. “Silly girl. No, I want you to move out of the guest bedroom and into mine. Can’t have you moaning my name across the hallway when you could do it in my bed instead.”

“Ashton Irwin, you’re the most terrible roommate ever,” you huffed out a laugh, your cheeks hot from your blush and his kiss. “You really want me to…”

“Yes. A 100% yes. I would have offered months ago, but I… guess I wasn’t sure about where we stood…” he confessed, knocking his forehead against yours while he rubbed your nose with his. “Didn’t want to ruin our friendship because I started to have feelings for you.”

“Better late than never, I guess,” you cupped his face in your palms, thumbs rubbing his cheeks lovingly. “Did you really get jealous of Greg?”

“God, he ticked me off, didn’t he?” he moaned, face heating up from the memory. “I saw him leaving your room, but didn’t remember seeing him going in, and then you were only wearing a shirt and those panties and I just… I had this thought last night how I want to finally kiss you and tell you how I feel, and then he was there and I’ve thought…”

“There’s only you, Ash,” now it was your turn to press your lips against his. “Don’t need anyone else when I have the best roommate/creative partner/body pillow/shirt supplier/chef/party planner/possible boyfriend all in one package.”

“Would definitely love to be the boyfriend,” he chuckled, fingers tangling into your hair.

“Guess I could upgrade my roommate membership to girlfriend too?” you quirked an eyebrow at him and Ashton started giggling, nuzzling close again.

“For you it’s entirely free, sweetheart.”

- - - - -

taglist.

@mymindwide @loveroflrh @sadistmichael @notinthesameguey @babylonashton @talkfastromance4 @dead-and-golden @fuckyeah5sostakemehome @karajaynetoday @ashtondaddy90 @myfavfanficsever @myloverboyash @suchalonelysunflower @sexgodashton @rebelwith0utacause @creampiecashton @irwinkitten @allthestarsandthemoon

#ashton irwin x reader #ashton irwin smut #ashton irwin blurb #fiction time #littledrummeraussie 1k celebration #asks: fiction edition #1K fic #afic: 1K celebration

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shozaii · 4 years

Note

So I have a request for the main three + Kiri of you still accepting requests. So how about s/o is on her period and she wasn't prepared and bleed a lot and the boys have get her pads after they got over the shock of so much blood in the bed and just cuddle with her cause she feels horrible because of the cramps and stuff, if you want uwu cause my period always kills me huhhh also ur writing is so good im in love, keep it up love 🥰🙌🏾💕

(a/n):hello! i’m very sorry this took very long to complete as i wasn’t feeling well argh!! thank you so much for your kind words hdgh i might cry :’((, anyway, enjoy!

requests are still open!!

^^^^

what would they do when their s/o has their period?

warnings: none! except for blood

‘‘‘‘

midoriya

izuku is the person who notes everything down. he had a personal journal for you, and a part of it was about the situations he might need to face and solve during your period

so you two were on the bed, really, really tired after a long day of training.

he noticed earlier that you were stressing out even more than usual.

perhaps....maybe not, he thought.

you felt light-headed, so you told him that you needed a drink. he let you go from the cuddled position that you were in.

and only then was he shook

blood!

“um, y-y/n? don’t freak out, okay?”

“what’s wrong?”

he pointed to your blood on his sheets, and your shorts.

cue yourself freaking out so bad

he freaks out too, but he retains himself. he needs to stay strong for you.

“i...i stained your sheets a-and i don’t kn-know what to d-do! i’m sorry, izuku! i just-,”

“no, no, no! wait, calm down. this is nothing, okay? i can help you. we’ll clean you up first. i’ll head over to your room and grab your stuff.”

he rushes to your room as promised, and just shoved everything into his backpack (he got to know from you that pads should be hidden)

he waits for you outside the bathroom, checking in every 5 minutes.

minutes later and you came out refreshed, but another problem was already there, once you entered his room.

your cramps

he’d be so sad. why should his s/o go through this?

he grabbed his stained sheets and tossed them aside; replacing them with new ones. proceeds to soak the old ones. insists on washing your clothes as well, even though you said no 8377291 times

a gentleman

all that mattered was you and you only

he laid you down, placing your hot pack he got on your stomach. also gave you painkillers (told you- he noted down everything you needed)

once you were slowly getting comfortable, he decided to join you.

“i’m sorry izuku, i wish i knew when it was coming and it’s just unpredictable sometimes. i’ll wash your sheets for you.”

“y/n, what are you talking about? you don’t have to worry about the sheets. i can handle them myself. right now, let’s just focus on making you feel better.”

you fall asleep in his arms. which, you will admit, is the best thing ever.

bakugou

boom boom boi? now i’d like to think that he’s really, really soft when the two of you are alone. doesn’t rage, doesn’t go off. soft bakubabe. imagine the patience he would have to just handling you during your period T_T

you were in his room, on his couch.you laid on his lap, something he didn’t mind at all. he was checking his phone.

it was a long day. you felt more exhausted than usual.

“where do you keep your chips? i’m starving,” you stood up, stretching. your back hurt.

he looks away from his phone.

silence.

“’suki?”

“babe, you’re bleeding.”

“what...?” you said no more, eyes widening at the sight of his cushion stained with your blood.

“oh. my. god.”

you just stood there, tearing up. “i- god i wish i knew! i’ll go wash this up real quick. why am i like this?! i’m sorry, katsuki-,”

“oi, what about you? you’re not leaving like this. this is normal, right?”

you sniffled, nodding.

“okay. deep breaths. let’s get you cleaned up.”

“where a-are you going?”

“your room.”

he takes your bag, placing in your items. doesn’t forget the pads, of course!

once, he noticed you taking painkillers. he found those too, they should be useful.

only then did he realize how unpredictable those periods are.

when he came back, he checked on you.

“you doing all right in there, y/n?”

“yeah.”

he hands you the essentials you needed, waiting patiently.he then grabs the cushion and your stained clothing, reminding himself to clean them up well.

he was never going to allow you to clean them up.

knocking the door to make sure you didn’t faint. because the next thing that came were the cramps.

oh boy, he was right. you were in pain. he gives you the painkiller, and settled you in. he lays next to you, using a little bit of his quirk on your stomach, since it’s warm.

“feeling better now?” he asked, his other palm on your cheek.

“i’m sorry, katsuki.”

“stop that. it’s what you go through monthly and there’s no blocking it. i’ve never said this before, but you’re really strong.”

“so you finally admit it.”

“haha, yeah. only for now.”

a literal angel. i wouldn’t see him angry for that whatsoever.

todoroki

third gentleman of the day!

you two were in his room. it was the weekend tomorrow, so you two loved hanging out with each other till late night. sometimes in your room, sometimes in his. so you guessed it - this week was in his.

your stomach had this weird feeling already.

“are you okay? you look pale,” shoto asked, placing a hand on your back.

“yeah, maybe i need a glass of water,” you said, getting up from his bed.

“okay-,”

he was so confused when he saw blood on his sheets.

and it was from where you were resting.

he was right. your shorts were stained.

“y/n, love. i think i may know why you don’t feel so good.”

you turned to him.

“OH NO”

you looked at your shorts, your face flushing with the darkest shade of red. right here? now? really? in your boyfriend’s sheets?

“i’m so sorry, sho! argh, what have i done? i understand if you’re mad but please, let me clean them up for you!”

“what? no, i’m not mad. i have to admit, i am really inexperienced with this, but that’s not going to stop me.”

“are you s-sure?”

“i am. now tell me, how can i help you?”

you still had a heavy heart, but you knew he wasn’t about to budge. with enough information, he set off to your room. drawer after drawer, he finally found pads. new clothes. a fresh towel. some essentials.

you also told him about painkillers, but he had those in case if anybody needed it. looks like his s/o did.

he also made sure to soak the stained clothing and sheets. he may have hid them from you,,,he knows you well.

when you came out, you were already groaning in pain. watching you like that only made his heart sink.

dude, he would’ve cried.

with newly replaced sheets, and a painkiller taken, he carried you bridal style and snuggled in with you. like katsuki, he could use his left hand to warm up your lil belly <3

“do you need anything else, love?”

“sho, how can i ever thank you...? you’ve done more than enough.”

“really?” he smiled. “well, i’m glad. get some rest. you’ll be better soon.”

literally crying in the club look how soft

bonus! kirishima

ksks these boys give me the feels

he starts to notice you complaining about how you felt uncomfortable. being the manly man that he is, he wants to help

you were walking around, trying to forget the pain

but that was after you were sitting on his bed, talking to him.

“what did you have for dinner? the same as us, right?”

“yeah! it doesn’t hurt. it’s just this lingering feeling that it’s about to come soon.”

sounds familiar, he thought.

he was thinking real hard, noticing the red dye on his bed.

wait. red dye? but he hasn’t dyed his hair for a while!

oh.

“babe, turn around for me.”

“what’s wrong, eiji?”

you did, only to receive a shocked expression on his face.

“y/n! is it that time of the month for you?”

“huh?”

you freaked out, seconds after realization. saw the bed, freaked out again. “i forgot! i forgot, but how?! eiji, i didn’t mean it! now your bed is stained, it looks so bad! okay, so give me those sheets, i’ll have them cleaned up for you. say no more.”

“y/n! i know you didn’t. let’s not panic, okay? i’m gonna go to your room, grab your stuff, and get back here. meanwhile, i’ll need you to clean yourself up. i can’t send you back like this. that ain’t manly of me.”

“eiji, but-,”

“no, babe. i’m here for you. let’s do this. together.”

as told, he went to your room. while you were in his, cleaning up after yourself, keeping your tears from flowing

he came back very soon than expected. patience was his key!

makes sure you did not get the chance to take any of the stained clothing.

“okay, here’s your hot pack! and take these. i found your emergency pills in the jar.”

“eiji,” you said.

“yeah? what’s up?”

“i wanna cuddle.”

“anything for you, my love!”

you two fall asleep after the pain went down. cuties

you’ll never feel down with him around.

(a/n): fun fact! my cramps get the best of me, too. god, how i wish i could cuddle with someone. :( ehem, anyway! i tried my best! i apologize for any typing errors :/

#bnha #bnha x reader #bnha imagines #bnha headcanons #midoriya izuku #midoriya x reader #izuku x reader #todoroki shouto #todoroki x reader #shoto x reader #shoto todoroki #bakugou katsuki #katsuki x reader #bakugou x reader #kirishima x reader #eijirou x reader #kirishima eijirou

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heavenly-roman · 3 years

Text

how sweet it is (to be loved by you)

Plot: Prince Virgil makes a new friend.

Warnings: mentions of a dead parent, kissing

Pairing(s): anxceit

Word Count: 2899

for my lovely boyfriend @figurative-siren-song as part of the @sanderssidesgiftxchange !! happy holidays cas, i love you ❤️ (also!! a big thank you to @ratherstarryeyed for acting as a beta!! ur a simp and i appreciate u!!)

chapter one - chapter two

+++

The carriage shakes as the horses trot onto the gravel, Virgil holding his head up with his fist.

“Virgil, please, could you look at least a little interested?” His mother isn’t quite scolding, her tone just edging on exasperated.

“You always told me not to lie, though,” grumbles Virgil. The Queen fixes him with a glare, and he sighs, forcefully smiling. “Better?”

“Much,” she replies teasingly. The carriage comes to a stop, and she turns her full attention to her son. “Please try to be respectful.”

“When have you known me to be disrespectful?” Virgil’s mischievous grin causes his mother to crack a smile.

“Behave, Virgil,” she tells him fondly. The door opens, and the driver helps his mother out of the carriage. He then moves to Virgil’s side, and the Prince grumbles again, something about being able to help himself, thank you very much.

Standing outside of the foreign palace is the royal family, the king and queen—whose names Virgil forgot to remind himself of before they arrived—and their son, Prince Janus. Their guards surround them, and Virgil finds himself counting the amount of men during the small talk.

“A pleasure to see you again, Your Majesties,” Virgil’s mother greets the family, bowing. She flicks Virgil on the back of the head, and he bows as well.

“The pleasure is ours,” replies the King. He faces Virgil and bows, who scrambles to bow again. “Good evening, Your Highness. I believe you’ve yet to meet our son, Prince Janus, who will be your tour guide for this visit. I’m sure you two will get on well.”

Prince Janus bows, and Virgil is getting real sick of bowing already. He holds his gloved hand out, beckoning Virgil. “Our parents have much to discuss, please follow me to your chambers.”

Hesitantly, Virgil takes his hand, letting the Prince lead him to who knows where. Janus doesn’t speak, and Virgil is not about to start a conversation with a near stranger, so the walk is silent.

“Here,” says Janus, stopping abruptly, and Virgil catches himself just in time to not crash into him. “This is your room.”

“You’re a lot less polite than before,” Virgil thinks aloud.

“Congratulations, Einstein, I had no clue,” Janus snarks. “No royal obligation to be polite without my parents around.”

“So no tour?” Virgil asks.

“Not unless you pay me, Prince Purple.” Janus scoffs. “I only willingly spend time with people I like.”

“How do you know you don’t like me if you haven’t spent time with me?”

“Are you royal?”

Bewildered, Virgil gestures to himself. “Clearly.”

“Then I don’t like you,” Janus deadpans.

Before Virgil can defend himself, Janus turns, walking away from the most baffling conversation Virgil has ever had.

+++

“So, Prince Virgil,” the Queen addresses him. “Did Janus give you a satisfactory tour of the palace?”

Janus glares at him from above his wine glass, and Virgil swallows hard.

“Uh, Yes, it was… good,” he says lamely, cringing at his very eloquent word choice.

“Wonderful!” She smiles. “So you’ll have no problem finding your way around for the next few months.”

“Months?” Both Virgil and Janus exclaim, twin expressions of shock on both their faces.

“Yes, well…” Virgil’s mother starts. “We believe the best way to continue the peace between our kingdom would be… a marriage.”

“I don’t have a sister, Mother,” Virgil says, though he’s sure he knows where this is going.

“I do know how many children I have, Virgil,” she says, nearly rolling her eyes. “Dear, do you remember what you told me last month? About your… preferences?”

“Are you saying that we have to get married?” Janus interrupts, his expression a mix of fear and mild disgust.

“Janus, don’t be rude!” his father admonishes. “This is the most sound way to keep the peace.”

“Well,” Virgil shrugs, knowing this is an argument he can’t win. He glances at Janus. “Looks like you’re going to be finding out if you like me.”

+++

Janus, to his credit, does decide to take Virgil on a tour after dinner.

“And here is the library,” Janus says, the same bored tone he’s carried throughout the whole night.

Virgil moves away from Janus’, wandering through the hundreds of bookshelves, awestruck. He plucks book after book, scanning the contents and putting them back.

“What, don’t have a library back home?” Janus snarks, just a hint of fondness in his voice that he will deny if brought up.

“Not as big as this, no,” says Virgil, still starstruck. “I think we have a third of your collection.”

“My father loves reading,” Janus shrugs. “He used to read to me when I was a child.”

“He doesn’t read as much anymore?” Virgil asks absently as he continues flipping through random books he finds.

“No time,” Janus sighs. “Too much responsibility now, being the King and all. Did you ever read with your dad?”

Janus knows he said the wrong thing as he watches Virgil’s shoulders tense and his hands pause.

“No,” he says, his voice tight. “I didn’t get to read with my father.”

“Virgil—“

“Drop it.” He forces a teasing smile. “You may be my fiancé, but save the personal questions for after the wedding.”

Janus lets the silence drag on, watching Virgil once again become mesmerized by the array of novels.

“Virgil?” Janus calls, tentative. His head shoots up, and Janus clears his throat. “We had a nook. Would you like to see it?”

The other prince nods, and Janus grabs his hand—so he doesn’t get lost, shut up—and leads him to a dark corner of the library.

A worn down chair sits there, as well as another, much smaller bean bag chair. There’s a table as well, holding up a desk lamp and a few books, all collecting dust.

“I guess that one was the Kings?” Virgil says, pointing to the bean bag. Janus snorts, shaking his head fondly.

“You’re a handful, Prince Virgil.”

“So I’ve been told, Prince Janus.”

+++

When he’s not being dragged around the palace by his fiancé, Virgil chooses to spend most of his time in his room, overthinking.

The hand holding. The snarky comments laced with fondness. The scooching chairs to sit closer. The flushed cheeks when Janus innocently compliments him—

Fuck.

Virgil has a crush.

Virgil has a crush on someone who he barely even knows.

It’s not like he can help it, with the way Janus smiles at him, and the way his eyes twinkle with mischief before he does something that’s bound to get the two into trouble.

“Virgil?” A knock startles him out of his thoughts, Janus peeking his head in and smiling when his eyes meet Virgil’s. “You okay?”

“Of course!” Virgil says, trying to keep his recent realization to himself. He smiles tightly. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Because I knocked on your door about four times before you answered?” Janus raises his eyebrow. He shuts the door and sits opposite of Virgil on the bed. “You’re hiding something.”

“Just lost in thought, I suppose,” Virgil shrugs. At Janus’ skeptical look, he sighs. “Seriously, Jan, I’m fine.”

“Okay,” Janus says after a minute or so. “I trust you to tell me if something is wrong, so I believe you.”

“Wow, thanks,” Virgil’s sarcasm seeps into his words. “So kind of you to trust me after continuous convincing.”

Janus grabs Virgil’s hands, and Virgil’s cheeks do not heat up, thank you very much. “You know I really do trust you, right? You’re one of the few.”

“Of course I do, Jay,” Virgil squeezes his hands. He chuckles. “Gotta trust your fiancé.”

Janus pulls his hands away with a fond head shake, and Virgil resists the urge to pout. “Nope, that’s it, you ruined the moment, we’re getting a divorce.”

“We’re not married yet, you idiot,” Virgil says between laughs.

“You’re right,” Janus ponders. He drops to one knee, miming opening a ring box. “Prince Virgil, will you marry me?”

Virgil gasps, holding an exaggeratedly shocked hand to his chest. “Of course I’ll marry you, Prince Janus!”

“Perfect,” Janus nods. “I want a divorce.”

“You love me too much to divorce me,” Virgil says before he can think about it.

“Gross Virgil, that’s gay,” he scoffs, before leaning in to clarify, “not that there’s anything wrong with that, of course. In fact, my own fiancé is gay.”

Virgil is laughing too hard to respond, and Janus joins in, both laughing until their stomachs hurt.

Janus forgets why he came to visit Virgil in the first place.

+++

“Are you even gay?” Virgil blurts one day.

Janus sputters, almost choking on his wine. “I beg your pardon?”

“Do you like men?” Virgil asks, clearly not backing down. He doesn’t hope for a certain answer, absolutely not.

“I…” Janus swallows hard. “I thought we were saving personal questions for after the wedding?”

“Janus.”

“I don’t want to discuss this, Virgil—”

“My father died when I was young.”

“Virgil, you don’t have to—”

“I never read with him because he was gone by the time I knew how. My mother doesn’t like to talk about him, and I don’t remember much about him, so…” Virgil shrugs. “I avoid talking about him.”

“I… Vee, I’m so sorry,” Janus frowns. “I couldn’t imagine my life without my father.”

“I can’t imagine my life with mine,” Virgil sighs. “So, I answered your personal question. You can answer mine.”

“Virgil.” Janus fixes him with an incredulous look. “Did you tell me about your father because you’re nosy?”

“I’m not nosy,” Virgil huffs. “I just want to know if my fiancé is attracted to me.”

Janus smirks, leaning impossibly close to Virgil. “Why do you want to know? Does someone have a little crush?”

“What? No!” Virgil flushes, and hides his hands in his sleeves.

“No need to be embarrassed, dear,” drawls Janus. His smirk grows wider. “It’s cute.”

Virgil pushes Janus’ chest away from him as the latter laughs. “You’re a jerk, Jay.”

“That’s no way to speak to your fiancé, Prince Virgil,” Janus gasps, an offended hand placed on his chest.

“It is when your fiancé is a jerk,” reasons Virgil.

Janus’ offence doesn’t lessen, and the two playfully argue for the next two hours.

Not that either of them are counting.

+++

#sanders sides #sanders side fic #virgil sanders #janus sanders #anxceit #royal au #bennie’s books #sanders sides fanfic #ts janus #ts virgil #cas

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luminous-shifting-vibes · 3 years

Text

*sequel* to actual fucking quotes from the shiftblr coffeehouse discord server

once again, it's out of context because x1000 funnier

also x1000 longer than previous post

"ur satan is gnc af"

"Bestie I’m already having gender envy over a fucking demon please"

"O_O ODEPIJHFbavevisdpvfhzdcnjawedsidjksjdkoeirjfmkdsoeirujdksodifjndmksoidfjdksidfj ITS" NOT IN MY FRAFTS IS SPEDNT 1 hour PN THAT SHIT"

"AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

"ohoho sexy"

"I am very proud of myself"

"himbo x edgy fuck"

"YOU COULD SQUISH HES CHEECKS"

"he has teefs"

"SQUASH"

"good for biting 📷"

"he's a himbo basically"

"B͂̒̄iͫ̍̈tͧ̓ͯè̄̇"

"bifth"

"i havent watched blue exorcist in years but mr okumura my beloved </3"

"MY LIFE QUESTIONS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED"

"is it important information to mention that the person i put up for my turn is the son of satan" "I know like 1 thing about everyone who isnt ranboo lmfao"

"crimes"

"tumblr sexyman"

"idk why but my first thought was cowboy onceler"

"I vibe with him but he is very long and twisty"

"steampunk e-girl"

"steampunk tumblr sexyman"

"Canonically bi crimelord I agree!!"

"OOO FRIEND SHAPED"

"ARTIST SIGHTED"

"they look like someone i would want to be friends with but is way cooler than me so i'd never actually talk to them"

"babby..... would die for him"

"honestly i probably kin him"

"i'm sure he's lovely but he looks way too much like my ex i'm sorry-"

"i'd be down for another rotation! i have another twink to show y'all"

"Also :00 blonde friend"

"Let us all infodhmo"

"Hsjagdvbs shhh im on phone"

"Nix woukd you like to joon?

"skitters away"

"I have two braincells and they both drink dumb bitch juice"

"oof wait whats the order again i have 0 memory"

"i want to bond with him over cosplay-"

"Awkwardly watches in band kid"

"One day I'm gonna a broadway star"

"which isnt to say they were bad. they were just fortnite dancing during rehersals"

"I threw it so hard my glasses flew off and slid under the stage right divider"

"anyway heres my boi"

"emo"

"haha emo"

"virgil sanders kinnie"

"he looks like he listens to my chemical panic at the fallout boy"

"Bro I bet he'd kick my ass with his deck"

"bird man my beloved"

"fuck i had so much to say and then i forgot it all"

"Birds!!"

"guiguhuh"

"crabrave"

"She sounds like someone I would end up stealing her personality"

"yess name collector gang"

"alias glass aiden haven absinthe fish brick rice"

"But I have Cypress, Remure, Genesis, Lemres, and Comet"

"And she's named after a mars candy bar bc alien"

"Hey, if plato went by plato, you can be king thief"

"im not dissing my gramma like that shfojd"

"My dad has seven legal names" "bitches be like *looks at fictional character* *steals their name* it's us we're bithces"

"coraline lowkey traumatized me but i adore it regardless"

"mmmmmm magic man :]"

"°0° green man"

"criminal (affectionate)"

"he would shoplift a candy bar from walmart and then brag to all of his friends about the sick stealing he did"

"despite the fact he's canonically been capable of overpowering a minor deity"

"i would commit so many crimes for him"

"Very babey"

"Yes please tell green man he is very pog"

"he also keeps a lot of dumb secrets"

"but I will sorely miss the chaos and energy of this here chat until I wake again" (by request XD)

"i just say words and if they're funny then they're funny"

"* or extremly chaotic either works"

"at this point we are just taking turns rambling"

"oH--"

"bc my brain has a schedule"

"Hopefully they have gyoza there or I will lose my mind"

"hehe yes spooky man"

"my ghost glucose guardian"

"the head of the undead group that lives there, and we end up dating. (yes I date a ghost, no I will not be taking constructive criticism /lh)"

"ghosts r just inherently sexy"

"i mean im becoming a squid thing so"

"Raven quirk raven quirk!!"

"ł â m p"

"łæmp"

"mothman: ooh lamp you look very nice today! do you come here often? mothman: wait shit no"

"I'd date a ghost"

"mine is still accurate, i am still sobbing (/j)"

"p e e p e e"

""@nick wilde is a tumblr sexyman" is the best thing i have ever seen"

"im sorry im cackling like a dying hyena"

"you're all 12 year olds"

"PEENIE"

"He once caused global warming on accident so he could get a tan"

"god, what a himbo. i love him"

"that reminds me of my friends kin assigned me jesus"

"Man outside of battle be like: princely crying but then in battle hes like: "CATACLYSM! DISASTER! DEVASTATION!" Chill out man"

"Every time I talk about satan it never fails to shock people it's my favorite thing to do"

"im kin assigning him roman sanders" ""Oh yeah he caused global warming because he wanted to get girls" "he what""

"oh damn i forgot satan was straight"

"twink appreciation club"

"give us the twinks"

"my first thought was bottom-"

"so many people to try and get his dad to love him"

"daddy issued"

"OH MY GOD ITS WILBUR"

"Big boy but"

"anyways janus is swagggg"

"........................."

"gib twink"

"give twink then i will share"

"holds him gentle like hamburger"

"This dumb bitch opened a book that said "do not open" and got possessed by a little bastard"

"he is. fragile creachur"

"klug is beauty klug is grace i would let him step on my face"

"If I'm playing swap and I have to hear one more "Pwanet Powew" Im gonna lose it"

"Who is to blame? Pandora or the box?"

"Bakugo isnt my type but I respect the drip"

"i say like my type isnt long-haired pretty boys and girls that look so gnc that people have a history of confusing them for men"

"hes a gremlin and i can appreciate a pretty gremlin"

"that is to say i am attracted to VFlower vocaloid. This is a confession."

"note i am a lesbian"

"You may like Schezo wegey"

"why does he have one single expression"

"soul soul eater passes the vibe check"

"magic wand"

"I Want To Hold His Hand"

"i would commit a war crime for him any war crime idc which one"

"my favorite one is when he sounded rlly gay because he said "Muscular bodies keep me satisfied""

"p e a n u t"

"Klug is a homophobic homosexual its just facts"

"grug from the croods is peak male performance"

"jaw drops to floor, eyes pop out of sockets accompanied by trumpets, heart beats out of chest, awooga awooga sound effect, pulls chain on train whistle that has appeared next to head as steam blows out, slams fists on table, rattling any plates, bowls or silverware, whistles loudly, fireworks shoot from top of head, pants loudly as tongue hangs out of mouth, wipes comically large bead of sweat from forehead, clears throat, straightens tie, combs hair Ahem, you look very lovely."

"tag yourself im the fireworks shooting from the top of the head"

"i like essays"

"central time gang"

"11:11 pog-" (wait... is that a suprise angel number?? yes it is lovelies just for you <3)

"Then again im also a dumbass bitch who wonders what the souls in soul eater taste like. SERIOUSLY THOUGH. THEY LOOK TASTY AS HELL!!!! LIKE GODDAMN BRO YOU'RE MAKING ME FUCKING HUNGRY. Like. that shit- it's Bone Apple motherfucking Teeth. hell yea my guy. Im hongy now.... shlorp I'm seriously considering this. Like. They seem kinda like a liquid? But a solid? Are they like jello? The fuck they taste like my guy???? I keep imagining they're like sour, like sour candy maybe? Or do they taste salty? Sweet? Maybe some combo of two? Do they even have a taste or is it about the texture? The sensation? God my mouth is watering what the hell. I am starving. I think I need to go get a cookie. I'm gonna go get a cookie. Brb. I'm better. I'm still craving souls though. Which is a weird-ass cringey thing to say but I'm being dead-ass rn. They just.... look tasty???? And I wanna eat one. Thus. I am shifting to Soul Eater for the express purpose of satisfying my fucking cravings. enjoy"

"points were made"

"jello? more like helloooo schloooAHFJDSDAIDWNALDHSJKDAIDANDM"

"WAIT I THINK I HAVE AN ANIME GIRL BITING VIDEO TOO"

"anime girl voice: mmm! mm... ahhhhmp!! mmm, mmm... aaahmp!"

"i think it sounds great i'm going to start eating like that"

"several people are typing"

"do these look edible to you"

"forbidden gummies"

"when I was on lsd I couldn't eat my fruit gummies because I thought they were alive because they had little faces on them"

"oh shit yeah don't do drugs"

"anyways general consensus is puyos are edible, ty for your input everyone"

"everypony is a word so powerful it can bring nations to its knees"

"pls the self control it's taking me not to say "hewwo everypony" in gen chat when someone new joins-"

"hewwo evewrypony uwu deaw cewestia i hopwe it doewsnt wain owo"

"ive cooked up a sowution wiwth the knowwege ive acwued. they say a kitcwen time saves niwne, but im just savwing two. Ive gathewwed the inwedients to make a time sowbet. Thewe's hawdly woom fow seconds when the seconds mewt away."

"I had a ten year old sister... you know what happened to her??? very sad, very tragic... she turned eleven....."

"NIIICE"

"Guts dont say the secks word :( /j"

"watch your fucking language in front of the president"

"im so sorry lumi"

"i think you're like ehhhh 8/10 funny"

"now me???? 10/10. Hilarious"

"sometimes i have to take a step back and remember that this is the same guts i follow on tumblr /lh"

""ok every here's some good shifting advice!!! uwu have a good day" "yeah i did lsd and ate fruit gummies""

"i have one setting and it's whatever this is"

"my bitch ass cat just pushed the door open with his fuzzy face and now my sleeping dad is being lulled into dreams by Cosmo Sheldrake's 'Pliocine'."

"me on discord: nick wilde"

"me on tumblr: shifting water! haha funne! me on here: my hermit crabs are cannibals also i want to eat souls."

"im sorry yOUR VIBESA RE JUST SO DIFFERNT"

"u give off older cousin ive never spoken to but always admire at the family gatherings vibes"

"what the fuck"

"BC I HAVE LIBERTU"

"If you adopt me then yes"

"am I qualified for dad jokes???"

"we're all a lot smarter on tumblr"

"I'm like "awww... sweet... sweet little shiftlings... posting such sweet shiftling content... so pure, so wholesome... does not even know abcs....""

"can't think before you speak if you never think B)"

"I'm not responsible enough to be a mom"

"cat pet"

"show us pictures of the cat or i will do Crime"

"maybe thats me being a coward tho"

"MOTH!!!! MOTH MY BELOVED"

if y'all want I can make this a series bc shiftblr keeps giving me more content

#tw drugs #tw swearing #tw cannibalism #tw crime #tw food #tw homophobia #shitpost #out of context #out of context quotes #lumi's quotes

33 notes · View notes

kimvvantae · 5 years

Text

puzzle; 6 (m)

➜ you and jungkook are best friends of a lifetime, even though your personalities are like unmatching pieces of a puzzle. the line between friendship and something more has never been crossed between you two - but that changes after a break up and a drunken night, when you not-so-accidentally cross this line to something much more. what happens when after this accident your non-matching puzzle pieces seem to match in a way you’ve never imagined?

pairing: jungkook x (f) reader

genre: smut, angst, comedy; friends with benefits au; college au

warnings: lots of swearing, unprotected sex (use condoms y’all kids)

rating: 18+

word count: 13k wooohoooooo

A/N: i listened to the same 4 songs over and over again while writing and i think it kind of sets the mood for this chapter so hm if you guys like listening to music while reading here goes a small playlist:

Jungkook - If you (read the lyrics pls)

Whitesnake - Is This Love

BTS - Jamais Vu

Sam Smith - Lay Me Down

enjoy!

➜ Chapters: check up masterlist in bio!

« playlist »

“You’re acting weird.”

You finally look up when you hear this, just to see Hoseok frowning at you.

“I’m not.” You’re quick to say, shrugging.

“You’re really acting weird. Is everything okay?” Hoseok insists, crossing his arms.

Hoseok is not what bothers you the most, though, but another pair of eyes watching you like a hawk.

Jimin knows why you’re acting weird. Since that day at Joy’s house, he has been staring at you like this constantly - half judging, half worried.

It’s very annoying, to be honest.

“I’m just… a little bit stressed.” You admit, shrugging again. Fortunately, Hoseok isn’t as observant as Jimin, so he seems convinced.

“So, what did you guys want?” You ask, changing the topic. They came after you in the cafeteria while you have lunch after all.

“Ah! I almost forgot,” Hoseok starts. “You quit your job at the coffee shop, right?”

“Yes. It was way too stressful and my boss was a bitch.” You huff.

“So you’ll be free this weekend?” He asks. You nod, but if he’s about to invite you to a party or something, you’re ready to say no. “The thing is, you know that me and Jimin have this job as waiters, right? There’s a wedding this weekend and they’re needing staff. So, if you’re interested, you can come with us on Saturday night. The payment is decent and it’s just easy stuff to do.”

Your mood lightens up at this. “Yeah, sure! I’ll go. I really need money right now.”

Hoseok smiles and claps his hands together. “Alright! I’ll send you all the information later. They’ll give you a uniform, so don’t worry about clothes. I have to go now. Bye!”

He leaves.

Jimin stays.

You just keep eating quietly, Jimin’s heavy gaze on you, until you finally get annoyed.

“Jimin, what do you want?” You cross your arms and glare back.

Jimin slowly quirks one eyebrow. “Won’t you ask me if Jungkook’s going?”

“Why would I ask if he’s going or not?”

“Because you guys aren’t talking anymore.”

“Thank you so much for reminding me of this, Jimin."

He realised that he went a little too far just by seeing your clenched jaw and the anger in your eyes. Jimin sighs and shrugs. "Anyways, yes, Jungkook is going. But not to work as a waiter, he’ll take pictures instead.”

“So what?"

Jimin swipes his hand over his face and shakes his head as if he can’t believe what he’s seeing. "I think you’re so stupid. Both of you. My fucking God.”

“You know what, Jimin? That’s none of your business.” You finally get up and take the tray rather roughly, walking away without looking back.

Maybe you were a little too rude with Jimin, but he’s being unbearable these days.

It’s been one month since that day at Joy’s house - one month since you and Jungkook have been avoiding each other like the plague.

And maybe you were a little too rude with him because deep down, you know he’s right.

As usual.

tae: wyd?? 👀👀

you: working

tae: ??? didn’t u quit ur job

you: yea

you: it’s one night thing

you: i need the 💸💸

tae: oh

tae: ok

tae: i’ll ask later then

you: wAIT

you: ask what??????

tae: later

tae: u should work first~

you: but im curious

you: i can’t work if im curious >:(

tae: 🙊

you: tae????

you: taeeeeeeee

you: TAEHYUNG

He doesn’t reply anymore.

You groan, shoving your phone on your back pocket again, and leave the restroom. The guests hadn’t arrived yet since the wedding ceremony is still ongoing, but the kitchen is already a mess: people yelling orders, the delicious scent of good food in the air, cooks cooking (duh) and waiters getting ready. The boss has already given you the last instructions, but it’s not as if working in an event like this is a difficult task: serve the guests, smile, be polite, walk around the hall, try not to break the crystal glasses that cost more than what you can pay.

The hotel is pretty fancy, actually. You were expecting a smaller wedding. Not that this is a problem, of course. The only problem here are the heels that all women are forced to use; it’s not too high, but walking around endlessly the whole night in these will be painful for sure. The rest of the uniform is that standard - black pants, white button shirt, black vest and bow tie, hair tied in a perfect high bun, simple makeup.

You walk to the hall to make the last adjustments in the decoration. Pretty much everything is in place, so there isn’t much to do. The tables are organized, the floor is pristinely clean, the white flower bouquets are in place. A DJ will be in charge of music tonight.

You stand at the back of the hall, almost hidden, just to check your phone once more; no new texts. Now, you can’t stop thinking about what Taehyung wants to ask. He knows you’d get all curious. You and Taehyung have grown closer these days: late phone calls, endless texts, random memes at random times. You hadn’t gone on a proper date yet, though - and you don’t think you want to.

Taehyung is a nice guy and a good friend, but you don’t want to take things to the next level - even though this seems to be Taehyung’s intention since the beginning. He has been insisting in you for quite a long time now meanwhile all you do is keep a certain distance. You didn’t really give him any real hopes yet and you’re afraid that Taehyung might be reading your actions in the wrong way. Truth be told, it’ll be so shitty of you to keep his hopes high when you won’t go anywhere with this.

Your feelings are all messed up.

Because you shouldn’t even be feeling anything in the first place.

Ironically, you’ve never been friends with benefits with anyone before. You did have some fuck buddies in the past, though - but you were never friends with any of them. You never got involved with any of your actual friends. Sure, there was that night when drunk-you and drunk-Jimin made out at a party (you don’t talk about it), but at that time, you had just joined college and neither you nor Jungkook were close to Jimin yet, so it doesn’t really count. Also, you and Jimin never had sex - you just kissed, nothing more.

But of course dumb you had to be friends with benefits with your best fucking friend. Of course you had to destroy your friendship like that. Everyone knows that sex is a friendship destroyer. Everyone!

One month without Jungkook felt like being in the desert without rain. You have good friends, but none of them are that special person that’s somehow able to read you mind and understand you even if you don’t say anything. None of them know the type of meme you’d laugh at, none of them sent you random snaps at random times of the day. Worst of all - you didn’t watch Endgame together, when you’ve been watching every Marvel film together ever since you both started obsessing over heroes years ago. Every. Single. Marvel. Film.

You didn’t get to see Jungkook crying during the last scenes of Endgame. Jimin didn’t say if he cried or not, but you know he cried.

That’s devastating.

Truth be told, you don’t even miss sex. Sure, you and Jungkook are the perfect match in bed, and you caught yourself masturbating at night wishing it were Jungkook’s fingers inside of you instead (touching yourself has never been so depressing), but what you actually miss to the point it hurts your chest are the small, familiar things. The comfortable silence. The funny banter. Going to Burger King together late at night after a party or when none of you want to cook. Showing each other funny videos or discussing about the latest chapter of the manga you’re both reading. Jungkook ignoring your texts for hours because he’s too focused on playing Overwatch. You even miss the way he never lets you eat the last slice of pizza, goddammit.

You simply miss him.

What leads you to another thought - something that has been growing stronger in your mind.

After days of self denial, you finally admitted that you were jealous of Jungkook and Joy.

There’s no other explanation for the way you acted that day at her house. You were mad that she was touching him and getting too close. That’s weird. You’ve never really been the jealous type. You never minded when people tried to flirt with Jungkook.

You’re not jealous of friends.

Even so, you had a jealousy attack and didn’t rest until Jungkook’s attention was yours again.

Being totally honest with yourself, you’ve been jealous of Joy ever since you found out she was interested in him.

…what the fuck?

Something inside of you have changed, and only now you’re brave enough to admit. Somewhere along the road, you stopped seeing Jungkook as just a friend. He’s currently in that blurry and confusing level - not only a friend, but at the same time, not more than a friend. You don’t know what the fuck he is anymore.

More importantly… do you want to be more than friends?

If you and Jungkook make up, will you be able to go back to what it was - just friends?

Or are you just being possessive? Did you start seeing him in a different way just because you realized you’re about to lose him?

You don’t know the answer to none of those questions. What you know at the moment is that being away from him fucking hurts. You have the same friends, go to the same places, study at the same university, but barely see each other anymore. What’s that thing people say? You just start valuing things after you lose them.

Jimin asked you not to play with Jungkook’s feelings. What he doesn’t know, though, is that you’re so confused about yours that you don’t have time to play with his feelings.

When you realize the guests are about to come, you force your brain to focus on your current task. You stand back with the rest of the waiters as, slowly, the elegant guests get into the hall, sitting at their respective tables, and soon the place is filled with conversation, laughter and music.

After everyone took their places, the main couple finally come.

The lights change. The DJ plays a special song. Guests stand up and applaud when they enter the hall, smiling, and walk to the center to have their first dance as a married couple.

You could have noticed how the bride’s dress was beautiful. You could have noticed how her front teeth was dirty with lipstick and how the groom tried to discreetly tell her about this. You could have even noticed how one of the kids was starting to have a tantrum and his mother half-screamed, half-whispered, if you don’t be quiet you’ll be grounded for one month!

But you don’t notice any of that, because the photographer enters the hall right after the couple does.

Your heart flutters in a funny way.

Jungkook is wearing a suit (you don’t even remember the last time you saw him in a suit); black and simple, but it fits him so well. He isn’t much different from all the other man, except for his long hair - his black hair is so long he can probably tie it now - and his ear piercings. He holds his camera to eye level, capturing every moment he can from the couple’s first dance, a backpack with other tools hanging from his shoulder.

Everyone else is focusing on the couple - but you can’t look at anything else but him.

He looks so handsome and focused and hot and-

Hey, you’re here to work!, you remind yourself angrily, shaking your head and walking back to the kitchen.

Drink after drink, tray after tray - you and the other waiters and waitresses walk around the hall to serve the guests. It’s not a difficult work, but still tiring nevertheless. It’s also hard to balance yourself and the trays with these high heels. Soon, you’re immersed in the work and momentarily forget about everything else, although (unconsciously) you try to avoid being seen by a specific someone.

Time passes by and the party goes on. Parents make heartfelt speeches, everyone cries. The DJ plays popular songs and soon the dancefloor is full. Alcohol already starts to get into their heads. Men are either speaking and laughing too loud or crying, hugging the groom. Women already forgot their high heels and their elegance, twerking shamelessly and screaming. Kids do the usual - run, yell, fall and cry - and they almost throw you on the ground twice. Someone spills champagne on the floor; you rush to clean it before someone ends up slipping. There’s the eventual noise of glass breaking. A certain dude has asked for your help far too much and you start to avoid him, noticing that he’s staring at your ass. Another guest pukes and is taken to the infirmary. As usual, you hear old women complaining about the food, how the decoration is ugly, how one waiter was rude, how the DJ doesn’t play the songs they want-

“The photographer is so hot! What’s his name?!” You hear someone giggling.

You gulp.

Jungkook is just doing his job, but that boy can’t go unnoticed, not even when he tries. You don’t know if he saw you yet, and honestly, you hope he didn’t.

Just do your job. Just do your job.

The night goes on. Your left foot hurts and you need to pee, but gladly most of the guests have already left - the groom and bride left first and the party went on without them -, the hall is almost empty, which means it’s almost ending. Now, you busy yourself with cleaning the hall.

“Man, I’m dead,” Hoseok groans, stretching his back. You nod, putting some empty glasses on a tray to take them back to the kitchen.

“Now imagine bearing it all in heels,” you say, not being able to keep your nice posture anymore. Not that there are many guests anyway - most are too drunk or sleeping on the tables. The DJ is still diligently playing, though.

“The night was productive after all,” Jimin chirps happily, approaching you two with a smug grin on his lips. You see he’s holding a small paper between his fingers… someone’s phone number.

“Son of a bitch,” you say under your breath. Jimin just shrugs and smirks. Much obviously, you apologized for your rudeness before you came. The fact that he forgave you so easily made everything worse, honestly. Jimin is a nice guy with his friends (way too nice for his own good sometimes) and it just shows how he doesn’t deserve to be treated in a rude way.

“I’m just taking the chances life gives me!” He chirps again, making you roll your eyes.

“Anyways, what’s wrong with Jungkook?” Hoseok wonders, crossing his arms and frowning. “He didn’t come over the entire night. Is he avoiding us?”

You gulp.

Instantly, your eyes travel to where he stands in the nearly-empty dance floor. He smiles politely to some women that stand around him. Everyone’s obviously too drunk and they’re probably talking nonsense.

He’s avoiding me, you realize sadly.

“He’s working, Hoseok. His job won’t end if the guests keep asking for pictures.” Jimin is quick to say, what indeed makes sense, but Jimin also knows very well why he has been keeping his distance. Hoseok is the only one that doesn’t notice the strange tension in the air.

When you notice you’ve been staring for an embarrassing long time, you immediately shift your gaze to the dirty plates in front of you, organizing them in a pile to take them to the kitchen. You came here to work. That’s it. Focus-

An excited scream tears the air.

“I loooove this song!” One of the girls on the dance floor scream, the one that has been clinging on Jungkook ever since the crowd started to dissipate. Much obviously tipsy, her eyes were glued on him the entire night (not that you’ve been noticing the people checking him out. Of course not). “Jungkookie, dance with me!”

You almost gasp.

Jungkookie?!

That’s when you finally notice the face Jungkook is making - and you try your best not to laugh.

He has that look that means oh my fucking God someone please take me out of this situation.

The two boys by your side don’t try to hide the laughter as well as you, watching the desperate Jungkook try to turn her offer down - an awkward smile, eyes shifting from her, a muttered apology (I still have some work to do…) but the thirsty girl is surprisingly insistent (you can stop for a little bit, come on!).

“I feel sorry for him,” Hoseok almost chokes as he tries to stop his giggles. You kind of feel sorry, too. He can’t be rude to a customer, otherwise he’d be punched by her relatives - not that Jungkook would be rude anyway. He steps back, scratches the back of his neck. The girl is almost climbing him. He looks around desperately, trying to find a way to escape-

“Why don’t you help him, Y/N?” Jimin says sweetly.

You side eye the sugar-coated snake you call friend. “Jimin.” Is all you say in a warning manner.

Someone that doesn’t understand the situation wouldn’t think anything weird, because you’re actually used to save Jungkook from crazy girls. The thing is, sometimes he’s too nice to turn girls down - and yes, girls do chase him. When he’s not interested in them, you’d usually understand the situation and run on his rescue, most times pretending to be his girlfriend so the girls would stop bothering him. It’s something funny and you’d always laugh your asses off right after.

Not now.

You definitely don’t want to laugh now.

Jimin is being far from innocent. He just wants to push you two into each other. He may have good intentions, but he’s not considering the fact that you don’t feel ready to face Jungkook - not when your feelings are so messed up. This ain’t happening.

“Yeah, Y/N. Jungkook looks pretty desperate,” Hoseok remarks, again, oblivious to the tension lingering in the air.

“Jungkook can handle himself very well. He doesn’t need my help.” Even though Jimin feels your menacing glare and sees your jaw clench, this boy is very brave and insists:

“Come on, Y/N! It won’t hurt.” He says innocently.

Yes, it will hurt. It already hurts, dumbass.

“Did you guys forget that we’re here to work? I don’t want to be reprimanded.”

“The hall is near empty. There’s literally nothing to do anymore.” Hoseok doesn’t understand why you’re glaring at him now.

You’re trying to control your nerves, but it’s getting hard not to feel your stomach jump in a weird way and your fingertips tremble. Just the idea of approaching him makes you weak, and not in a good way. Why these people can’t just leave you alone?!

“Do you think that avoiding him forever will work?” Jimin hisses on your ear, low enough so only you can listen, finally showing how pissed he really is.

What he says gets you.

Avoiding each other isn’t working, you know this very well. You remember the way you used to deal with things in the past - talking. Sure, you won’t be able to really talk right now, but at least you’ll have a chance to approach him.

You don’t want to. You really don’t. But at the same time, you want to. You miss Jungkook.

Besides, he can’t run away from you in this situation.

You take a deep breath and gulp, trying to ease the tension. Come on. I know Jungkook. He’s the same bastard I’ve known my whole life. Stop being a pussy. I’m not a pussy!

“Just to make clear,” you whisper back to Jimin. “I fucking hate you.”

“You love me.” You wish you could rip that triumphant smirk off his face.

You walk over to the dance floor.

The few couples dance slowly and intimately. Because of course it had to be a slow dance. Of course it had to be a romantic song. Haha. Of course. The Universe must be playing some trick on you.

Jungkook managed to run away from the girl, trying to hide in the corner of the hall, and she’s searching for him like a hawk. You wonder if she’s this drunk or if she’s just stupid. A guy literally running away from you isn’t already a message enough?

You walk quickly to where he stands, and the moment Jungkook turns around and lays his eyes on you, shock covers his features.

“Y/N-?”

“Quick, dance with me,” you say hurriedly, placing his hands on your waist. “She’s coming.”

Instead of questioning, Jungkook immediately starts to play along as you place your own hands on his shoulders. You discreetly watch when the girl finally finds you.

She stops on her tracks.

“She saw us?” He asks without looking back.

“Yes.”

“And?”

You see fire in her eyes.

“If she had a gun, she’d probably shoot me.” The girl looks outraged that you stole her chance to grind on him. “Oh, she’s turning away.”

Jungkook sighs in relief. “Thanks God. She’s been bothering me all night!” You can’t help but giggle.

For a millisecond, it feels like nothing has changed.

But then you look at each other for the first time.

It might be dramatic, but you almost feel that the temperature drops around you.

Oh shit.

You avoid each other’s gazes at the same time. It feels so tremendously awkward to be in front of him again - especially when you’re slow dancing in the dim light of the hall, almost hidden. It feels uncomfortably intimate. Especially because you’re both keeping a distance that normal couples wouldn’t. You probably look like a weird couple at a prom party that were forced to dance together.

It feels foreign.

The way you touch each other doesn’t feel right. You have touched each other in the most intimate and obscene ways, yet the simple touch of his hands on your waist doesn’t feel right. Despite this, you feel your blood boiling with a strange type of excitement; you missed him so damn much. Even in this uncomfortable situation, you can’t help but feel a little bit happy. You didn’t know you’ve been craving for his touch so much up until now.

What’s weird is that you don’t even feel like this in a sexual way. You’re not aroused. Considering how your relationship became strictly sexual these past months, your lack of arousal to be around him is weird.

The butterflies in your stomach and the way your hands are shaking a little bit is also weird.

For some moments, you just sway from side to side in an overwhelming silence. You have no choice but to listen intently to the song being played. As if you already don’t feel fucked up enough, you’re forced to listen to a love song - an 80s love song on top of that. Of course it has to be Is This Love by Whitesnake. Of course. Haha.

“Uhm… thanks.” Jungkook finally breaks the silence. His voice lacks confidence. He probably never talked to you like this.

“Just helping out a friend,” you say and instant regret smashes you. You don’t know if he’s still your friend.

Jungkook looks scarily annoyed for a second. “A friend. Sure.”

Is it inappropriate to notice how he looks handsome when he clenches his jaw?

Honestly, has Jungkook always been this handsome?

Sure, he has always been like this. Maybe not seeing him in a long time made you feel this way. His hair has grown a lot. He looks extra fine in this suit. Every man looks better in a suit, but Jungkook looks like a deity.

The butterflies in your stomach are going crazy.

You did miss him a lot.

The silence makes you pay attention to the song again.

Wasted days and sleepless nights

But I can’t wait to see you again…

Hah, I know how it feels, you think - what makes you widen your eyes, shocked with your own thoughts. No. You won’t suddenly relate to a cliche 80s love song.

Right?

“H-How’s school going?” You stutter. Are you trying to do small talk? For real?

“It’s doing fine,” he simply says. Oh fuck. Not good. He sounds so uninterested in your weak attempt at engaging a conversation it hurts. You came here to try and talk about what really matters, but you don’t feel ready to do it yet. Can’t he understand it?!

It looks like your presence bothers him, honestly.

That’s new.

Wow. Your heart suddenly feels clenched.

Awkward.

Why am I feeling this way?

A heavy silence weighs on you again. This isn’t going as planned - not that you planned anything in the first place. You’re going through a lot of weird sensations now.

Why is that?

You look at Jungkook timidly (timid and Jungkook are two words that used to not make any sense together in the past), but he doesn’t look back. You avoid his gaze again.

Being hit by a truck would hurt less.

What’s happening?

Why are you so damn confused?

When the song hits its chorus, you start to think the Universe is definitely playing with you. The deep voice of the singer floats in the air:

Is this love

That I’m feeling?

Is this the love

That I’ve been searching for?

Fuck you, Whitesnake.

For real.

Fuck. You.

“Did Taehyung ask you?”

This brings you back to reality in an instant.

“What?” You look at him, confused. Why is he talking about Taehyung of all people out of nowhere?

You’ve always been very good at reading Jungkook, but right now, he’s unreadable.

“So he didn’t.” He says blatantly, devoid of any emotion. “I thought he would have already.”

“What are you talking about?”

“He talked to me about a double date.” Jungkook replies, looking back at you for the first time - again, a blank face. “You and him, me and Joy.”

Your blood honestly feels like frost.

It’s like you lost the ability to move or talk for a moment. You blink and gulp, trying to keep composed.

“What? Why?”

“Because he said it’d be fun. And less awkward, since I’m not very close to Joy yet and you’re not very close to him.”

Again, you don’t say anything for long seconds.

“But we’d just be cockblocking each other during the whole date,” you say.

“I know. I think the idea of a double date sounds weird, too. It’s not as if we don’t know them.”

You remember what Taehyung texted you earlier today; he said he’d ask something later. Is he going to ask you out?

He thinks that, since you and Jungkook are best friends, you could ease the tension and even help each other out.

This is so fucked up.

The immediate answer that comes to your mind is no. You don’t want to go on a date with Taehyung when you’re not interested in him. It’d be cruel; you don’t want to keep his hopes high.

But as you’re about to say it, you stop.

What if Jungkook wants to go?

All this time, you’ve only been considering your feelings. Your confusion, your wishes - it’s always about you. You don’t know if you want to be just Jungkook’s friend, but you don’t know if he wants to be more than a friend - or if he wants to be your friend at all. The fuck buddies thing started because you asked. Not even once did you think about him.

Is this what Jimin meant when he asked you to not play with Jungkook’s feelings?

How selfish you’ve been acting all this time?

What if he’s been developing feelings for Joy and now decided to try something? He’s probably feeling hurt because you’ve not been acting like a good friend. You’re always putting yourself first.

That’s why you hear yourself asking:

“Do you want to go?”

It’s scary how every tiny little piece of you wishes he’ll say no.

But Jungkook tilts his head and says:

“Yes. I know it sounds weird, but we can part ways as soon as we get there.”

And this is the moment you feel as cold as you’ve never felt in your life.

It’s as if your ears got obstructed for a moment, because you can’t hear anything but your heartbeat. You can’t even see properly for a second. Yet, you ignore all that, gulp and nod.

It’s time to be a good friend for once.

It’s time to put Jungkook’s wishes first - even though it crushes your heart.

“Okay.” You say quietly.

You’re coming to the conclusion that you’re a walking disaster.

You’ve never been so nervous before a date in your life - but this is not the usual type of nervousness, when people are excited to meet their crush and impress them etc etc. You’re nervous because you don’t want to go. You thought of coming up with a thousand excuses (from the classical “I’m sick :(” to “Seulgi’s sick I gotta take care of her :(” to “my cat’s sick :(” but then you remembered you don’t have a cat to “I’m being chased by the police and I gotta leave the country :(”), but in the end, you couldn’t bring yourself to lie.

Not when Taehyung sounded so painfully happy when you said you’d go.

That’s why you should have said no: Taehyung doesn’t deserve this. He’s a good person and he will certainly get hurt when you tell him you’re not interested. Who cares about Jungkook? That fucker can go on a date by himself, he’s not a kid anymore.

But…

There’s something very tiny and mean inside of you called jealousy that didn’t let you simply text an honest apology to Taehyung.

And now it’s too late, because he’s standing at your door.

Handsome as always, Taehyung wears casual clothes: it’s almost as if he didn’t put much thought on it, but he still looks drop dead gorgeous on his black baggy pants, white shirt and black beret (no other man in this planet can manage to not look stupid in a beret other than Taehyung). As usual, your brain malfunctions as it tries to process his beauty.

He has a small, beautiful smile on his lips.

Shit.

“You look beautiful,” he says, and he sounds like he means it. You did put some effort on your clothes, makeup and hair after all. Being complimented by him feels nice.

Shit.

“Thanks. You too, but that’s just your usual self,” you say thoughtlessly and instant regret slaps your face again. Yes, bitch. Flirt with him. Make things more difficult.

Taehyung looks shy for a moment. The sight is endearing.

S. H. I. T.

“You’re just being nice to me.” He tilts his head. “So, let’s go?"

It’s too late to go back now, so you have no choice but to take his arm and show your most plastic smile. "Yeah.”

You’re definitely a walking disaster.

You two arrive in the park first and, instead of just showing your tickets and getting in, you’re forced to wait for the bastard and his hot date.

An amusement park of all places.

Not that you hate amusement parks, it’s pretty much the opposite. It’s just that everything feels so wrong. Especially how Taehyung is making a lot of effort to keep the conversation alive while you wait. It’s not hard to talk to him, though, because he’s an interesting person, but seeing his efforts hurts.

What hurts more is the sight of Jungkook and Joy arriving with locked arms.

You hope Taehyung didn’t notice you holding your breath.

Joy looks hot as always, but you don’t even look at her (yes, it’s not nice to be mad at someone that didn’t do anything wrong), eyes glued on Jungkook instead. Just like Taehyung, it seems that he didn’t put much thought on his clothes, only their styles are completely different: Jungkook wears an oversized grey t-shirt, black pants and sneakers. It might seem simple, but he can manage to look good in anything. Joy surely didn’t mind his choice of clothes.

You lock gazes for one second and proceed to avoid it.

The four of you greet. It’s hard to act natural, but you try to; you don’t want the two others to notice the weird tension between you and the black-haired bastard. Joy looks happy, too.

…

Shit.

Soon, you get into the amusement park. As expected, it’s crowded with kids, families and couples. The weather feels nice this afternoon.

“It’s been a long time since I don’t come to an amusement park,” you confess.

“Really? Then this was a good choice. I was worried if it’d be too cheesy…” he also confesses sheepishly.

“It’s not!” You reassure him. Joy agrees with you. Jungkook keeps silent. “I just have some traumatizing memories about amusement parks.”

Taehyung quirks one eyebrow. “What?”

You sigh.

You and Jungkook end up saying in unison:

“5th grade.”

You look at each other and avoid your gazes again.

“What? What happened on 5th grade?” Joy asks excitedly.

“Our school came to an amusement park that year,” Jungkook explains.

“Why was it traumatizing?” Taehyung still seems confused.

“Because… well…” you hesitate to say.

“Because she was so short back then that they didn’t let her go on the rollercoasters. And she cried the whole trip,” Jungkook suddenly says.

You glare at him.

He has a playful smirk on his lips.

“Oh, so what about you?” You can’t help but smile, too.

“What happened to him?” Joy asks.

“He laughed at me because I couldn’t ride, but he puked his lunch after he went on the coaster and spent half of the trip in the infirmary,” you reveal.

“You’re still bitter that you stayed with me in the infirmary?” He inquires.

“Of course I am! Also, you puked on my shoes!”

“I already apologized. Besides, I paid you banana milk for two entire weeks. Isn’t it enough?”

“It isn’t!”

“Are you saying that banana milk isn’t enough?!” He gasps. “You psycho.”

You both giggle.

Again, for one moment, it feels that everything is back to normal. You feel comfortable having these old memories, as if you never stopped being best friends, as if you have the intimacy to play like this again.

But it’s only for one moment.

You avoid gazes. It feels so out of place.

At least the sadness in Jungkook’s eyes shows that he feels the same about this all.

Before the tension between you two can become too strong, you change the topic and engage both Taehyung and Joy in the conversation - during that moment, you two forgot about them. As wrong as it is, Taehyung is your date for the night. He’s the one you should pay attention to.

So you try to completely ignore Jungkook’s existence for a while.

You only look at Taehyung and don’t even touch your phone. You answer his questions and ask things about him. It doesn’t feel like a punishment, though, because he is an interesting person and you genuinely enjoy his company.

But you can’t help but look at Jungkook from time to time.

You can’t help but notice his smiley-eyes as he looks at her. You can’t help but see their closure.

You can’t help but feel your heart clenching.

And then, you see yourself locking your arm with Taehyung’s.

“What’s that?” You say excitedly. “I wanna see it!”

You drag Taehyung away from the other couple until they disappear in the crowd. Only then you remember how to breathe again.

Considering all the odds, this going better than you expected.

You tried your best to completely erase Jungkook’s and Joy’s existence from your mind, and at some point it finally worked. Taehyung is a funny guy to be around. There’s something very particular and endearing about his personality that captivates you; he’s obviously trying to impress you, but he’s still being very honest. He has some type of innocence that makes you realize that this guy is seriously one of a kind. You can’t think of a single sign that he might be a bad person.

You’re genuinely enjoy this.

But not in the way Taehyung expects you to be enjoying it.

As wrong as it is, you unconsciously end up comparing him to Jungkook.

If Jungkook was your date, the first thing you’d both want to do is try all the rollercoasters and the wildest rides in this park. But Taehyung is scared of heights. You didn’t want to make the boy vomit his own stomach, so you ended up avoiding it - even though you really wanted to go on that orange coaster that looks high as fuck.

Taehyung didn’t really get your jokes. The fact that he still laughed politely is cute, but still - Jungkook and you have the same sense of humor. You two like the same stupid type of meme. It felt strange when you had to explain more than once a certain joke so Taehyung could understand.

Taehyung didn’t know your favorite ice cream flavor or your favorite soda. He doesn’t know the kind of movie you like, nor your favorite series, nor your favorite singers. You know you’re being stupid - the whole point of going on a date is to get to know each other, but every now and then you end up remembering how Jungkook knows every dumb detail about you…

What makes you realize that, as much as Taehyung is an amazing guy, you are too different from each other.

What also makes you realize that, maybe… you don’t really want to get to know anyone else.

And suddenly, an image starts to build in your mind - an image you try very hard to erase, but it’s already too strong to be forgotten.

Instead of Taehyung, you arm is locked with Jungkook’s. You’re both laughing and having fun, just like things used to be. Only now you’re not just friends.

It’s the first time in all these years that you see yourself dating Jungkook clearly. Painfully clearly.

The cotton candy you’re eating suddenly tastes like iron on your tongue. You feel your throat tightening. All of this became painful. The fact that you’re trying so hard to forget Jungkook for a few minutes, yet he’s everything you can think of. The fact that he’s in the same park as you having a date with another girl - said girl that is a friend, by the way, someone you encouraged to be with Jungkook, and now you’re hating her existence even though she did nothing wrong, all because of jealousy. There’s also the fact that Jungkook is much obviously avoiding you.

And the most painful fact of all-

“Are you okay, YN?” Taehyung asks, the smile vanishing from his lips the moment he sees your expression.

The fact that this incredible person likes you much more than you expected. It’s obvious now that you look at his eyes. He really likes you - a funny, smart and special guy, someone that didn’t check his phone not even once ever since this date started, someone that has been trying his hardest to make sure you’re having fun, a guy that is usually very confident, but at the moment looks very uneasy around you.

He’s the perfect guy. He wasn’t disrespectful, wasn’t trying to get into your pants, treated you very well. You went on dates that were far worse than this. There was nothing wrong with him. You’re also sure he’d be a loving and caring boyfriend.

But all you can think of is Jungkook.

And even though you knew this date wouldn’t work, you still accepted to come anyway. You kept Taehyung’s hopes high. Just because you were jealous.

You’re definitely the worst person on this planet.

But this has to end before Taehyung gets more hurt.

“I’m not feeling very well,” you hear yourself saying. Worry covers Taehyung’s features. “What’s the problem? Was it something you ate? Do you want to go to the infirmary?”

Damn. It hurts to see him like this.

“No. Can you… can you just take me home, please?” You ask sheepishly.

If Taehyung feels disappointed, he doesn’t let you see; he just nods instead. “Okay. Let’s go.”

And this is how you managed to destroy a perfectly fine night.

You still try not to think of Jungkook and Joy on your way back home; you don’t want to know if they’re still in the park or if they went somewhere else. The idea of what they must be doing makes your stomach twirl in a bad way. It feels like a weight installed itself on your shoulders. Everything seems too oppressive and suffocating. You can’t wait to be alone and peaceful to process all of these feelings. Fortunately, Seulgi isn’t home - she went to sleep at a friend’s house to finish a project.

For the first time, being with Taehyung feels awkward as you walk to the front door of your apartment. You can see he isn’t exactly glad. It makes everything worse.

You stop in front of the door and you turn around to face him. Everything you have to say must be said now.

“I’m so sorry, Taehyung.” You say in an embarrassed tone, scratching the back of your neck. “I ruined everything.”

“What? No!” He’s quick to reassure. God, his eyes are beautiful… “It’s not your fault. People feel ill, that’s normal.”

You gulp. Oh Gosh. He believed what you said. This is getting worse and worse… “I had a lot of fun today. Really.” You sigh and tilt your head tiredly. “Honestly, it was the most fun I had in a long time…”

“I had a lot of fun, too.” His smile is able to melt any frozen heart. “I noticed that you had a lot in mind, so I’m glad I was able to distract you at least a little.”

It gets you off guard.

He’s way more observant than you expected.

“You noticed…?” You gulp, even more embarrassed. He nods. “I’m so sorry…”

“It’s fine. Everyone has a bad day every now and then. I just have to admit that I’m kind of worried about you.”

You stare at each other in silence for a while.

“Are you?” Why suddenly all you can do is make stupid questions?

Taehyung tilts his head. “Yes. You’re always such a bright person. Seeing you being quiet these days makes me sad.” First of all: did people start to realize that there’s something wrong with you? Are you acting this weird?

Second of all: that was adorable. He’s so honest about his feelings.

“To be honest, Taehyung… I’m not really a bright person,” you end up confessing in a quiet, weak voice. You don’t know why you’re saying this. You were supposed to push him away, not pull him closer. “I think I’m just used to pretend I am.”

“You don’t have to,” your eyes widen when you feel his fingertips brushing on your cheek as he gently tucks a strand of hair behind your ear. “You don’t have to pretend you’re fine when you’re not. To suppress this type of feeling… it hurts. Believe me, I know.” For a moment, you feel your breath hitch. The skin where his fingers touched feels warm. He’s mesmerizing. His voice sounds like a sweet melody on your ears: deep, silky. “So, if you ever feel like opening up… I’m here, okay?” He widens his eyes for a second. “I-I mean- you can open up to Seulgi or Jungkook or Jimin, sure… anyone.”

This moment of shyness coming from him makes you giggle. “I don’t feel like opening up to anyone right now,” especially not to you, you think. “but thank you, Tae. It… it makes me really happy. I’m glad I went on this date with you.”

You shouldn’t have said that.

You shouldn’t have called him Tae.

Even though you’re saying the truth and there’s no second intentions hidden, Taehyung hears something else.

His hand is still resting on your cheek.

And he says nothing.

He just… stares right into your eyes.

You can’t move.

You clearly see when his face starts coming closer and closer to yours, slowly but surely. You see his heavy-lidded eyes, his clouded gaze, his parted lips. You feel the thick tension in the air around you - the electricity.

That’s when you should have pushed him away.

But you can’t.

Instead, you unconsciously close your eyes. You feel his lips ghosting over yours for a second - until his lips finally touch yours.

The kiss is suave - gentle and delicate. He doesn’t move his lips at first, merely pressing his against yours. Your body warms up in a way you haven’t felt in a long time; not because of arousal. It’s the pure excitement of being kissed.

Maybe that’s why you let him kiss you. You had forgotten how it feels like to be touched without any sexual intention. Kisses are too intimate, so you and Jungkook didn’t really kiss that often - and when you did kiss, it was always heated and obscene, tongues entangling wildly until both of you could barely breathe. It’s been a long time since someone kissed and held you like this: with gentleness and care. Taehyung isn’t treating you like a sex toy.

You melt.

Your lips part as he deepens the kiss; he is undemanding, careful and delicate. His lips taste like lip balm. No one is fighting for control, no one is desperate. It’s slow and synchronized. It’s sweet and innocent. Most importantly - it’s way different than you ever expected it to be. You never thought he’d kiss like this.

When Taehyung pulls away, the purest smile adorns his features.

“I’m sorry.” He says quietly, but he doesn’t sound sorry at all. “I should have asked permission.”

“It’s okay.” And it really is. You shouldn’t, but you liked it.

“I'll… I’ll get going.” He says, the smile never disappearing. His eyes are also smiling. He stands there awkwardly in an adorable manner. “Can I text you later?”

“Sure.” You nod. “Good night. And thank you again.”

Taehyung grins. “Good night.”

Before leaving, he presses his lips on yours quickly one last time.

You watch until he disappears inside the elevator, entering the apartment and standing there alone in the dark for a few seconds.

Then you unceremoniously slam your forehead against the wooden door.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?!” You hiss between gritted teeth. “What have you done?!”

You were supposed to push him away. You should have told him the truth - that you don’t have feelings for him, that you’re confused and almost certainly in love with another guy. Instead, you just stood there and let him kiss you. You not only kept his hopes high, you increased them.

How will you get yourself out of this situation now?!

You throw yourself on the couch, grab a cushion and scream into it. I’m the worst of the worst. I’m a walking catastrophe.

For a long time, you just lay there and torture yourself with bad thoughts. Taehyung is the nicest guy you’ve met in a really long time. If you gave him the opportunity months ago, you’re sure you’d be dating right now - and the idea isn’t even unpleasant. He’s hot and smart and funny and sweet. It’s even hard to believe that someone like him is interested in you.

But…

No. Don’t think about him.

You want to punch yourself and scream and eat tons of ice cream and cry - all at once. You’re the queen of taking bad decisions. You’re the heart crusher and friendship destroyer-

There’s someone knocking on the front door.

You sit up in a jump and frown. Is it Seulgi? Did she forget her keys?

You walk slowly around the living room, defeated as if you’ve just came home from war, your hair a mess and shoulders shrinking. You turn the doorknob and open it-

And gasp.

Because standing at your front door is the person you least expected to see.

Jungkook is casually leaning on the door frame as if his presence didn’t make you burst a lung. He looks down, eyes avoiding yours; although the hallway is considerably dark, you can see his expression well. You know him too well. You see sadness and guilt and fear in his eyes.

Your heart beats so fast that you’re afraid it’ll stop suddenly. Nervousness crawls over your skin and makes your stomach feel cold.

“J-Jungkook? What are you doing here?” You’re brave enough to stutter. You completely forgot that Jungkook used to come over so often that you gave him full permission to enter and leave the building whenever he wanted.

He doesn’t say anything.

Instead, he lifts his left hand and shows you what he’s carrying: a plastic bag full with a pack of…

Banana milk.

“I think we really need to talk.” He says quietly, his eyes meeting yours for the first time.

You inhale sharply.

He’s right. You need to talk.

The cold night breeze makes you tighten your coat around your body. Yours and Jungkook’s hairs sway softly with the wind. You can hear the sounds of the city from up here, in the empty terrace - cars, sirens, voices. A glowing map of endless streets and buildings extends itself in front of your eyes.

You’re both leaning on the railing side by side. You’re hyper aware of the distance between you - both physical and… spiritual. You’ve been standing here in silence for quite some time now, quietly drinking the banana milk he brought, and none of you were able to engage a conversation. The tension is heavy. It overwhelms your whole being. Nervousness makes your nerves tense. You can’t even look at him.

Dozens of questions float around your mind; what is he doing here? Why did he decide to come in the first place? What happened to his date? It’s still very early, he could have stayed with her much longer…

You also can’t help but feel helplessly excited that he is here. With you. Not with Joy. He took the initiative to meet you.

You can’t lose this opportunity.

“It’s kinda cold.” Is the first thing you say. It doesn’t even sound like you.

“Yeah.” He agrees, and he also doesn’t sound like him.

The awkwardness is almost solid right now. Things used to be so different… you can’t remember one moment in the past when such an uncomfortable feeling lingered between you.

“Hm…” you cough. “What, hm… what about you and Joy?”

Why the fuck are you asking this?, you yell at yourself.

Jungkook looks down and shakes his head. “Let’s not talk about Joy or Taehyung right now, okay?”

You shrug. “I’m just trying to start a conversation.”

“That’s not how you do it.”

“I’m sorry, but I don’t know how to do it anymore.”

Jungkook goes silent with this, the quick aggressiveness disappearing as soon as it came. He gulps and looks down at the banana milk between his fingers again.

More silence.

“Can I… can I ask you something?” Jungkook says after a long while. His voice is quiet, hesitant, almost being carried away with the wind.

“What?” You feel your body heating up in anticipation.

He finally looks up to you, and in the moment your eyes meet, you have this weird feeling that everything except him looks blurred.

“Why did you start dating Mike?” He asks. “I warned you about him. I mean, you used to listen to me in the past.”

Oh.

Certainly not the type of question you were expecting.

What a mood killer, Jungkook.

You avoid his gaze again, trying to hide your disappointment. “Why are you asking me this now?”

“I just really want to know.” He takes one more sip of the banana milk.

A sigh escapes through your lips and you stare at the shiny city ahead. You didn’t think you’d have to bring up memories of Mike. It’s been a long time, but it still hurts to remember him.

“I… I just…” you start, trying to organize your thoughts. “You know that Mike had like a… bad relationship with his parents, right?” Jungkook nods. “Mike opened up about this to me. I saw how much it hurt him. He was lonely, broken. And I…” this is being way harder than you expected. You shrug, shake your head. “I don’t know. I was just being my stupid self. I thought I could… I wanted to fix him. I realized that I have this heroine complex, you know?” You side eye him sheepishly. “But there are a lot of things I can’t fix… I’m better at breaking things, not fixing them.”

“Don’t say that. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to help people.” The confidence in which Jungkook says this makes, yet again, an odd sensation set in your stomach.

It is probably the first time Jungkook managed to make you blush in your entire life.

A little more silence.

“Did you actually like him?” You can barely hear his voice.

You have no idea why he’s making this questions. Why is he bringing up Mike after so long?

“Well… yes.” You can’t lie right now. “I did.” You make sure to reinforce the did. It’s in the past.

Jungkook nods and says nothing. He takes another banana milk from the plastic bag and opens it.

You inhale, building up your courage to ask something you’ve been wanting to know for a long time. He touched this subject anyway.

“You asked me something, now it’s my turn to ask you something.” Jungkook nods. You have the feeling that he already knows what’s coming. “Why did you break up with Yeri?”

“She broke up with me.”

Oh.

“Why?” You repeat. You can see that Jungkook gets clearly uncomfortable, but you’re not letting him go without an answer - and he already knows how stubborn you can be, too. He shifts, tilts his head, exhales heavily.

“It just didn’t work out.”

“But you liked her. And she liked you, too.” It was pretty obvious to anyone that saw them together.

Jungkook takes a long while to speak again. “I did like her. A lot.” The way his voice sounds fragile surprises you. Seeing him like this is very rare. Jungkook isn’t one to get all emotional too often. It seems that confessing this to you is important to him, somehow.

It also scares you a tiny bit. What if Jungkook still likes her, just like you suspected in the past?

“I didn’t want things to end the way they did.” He continues. His eyes are far away, watching old memories. His shoulders seem tense. He fiddles with the small banana milk bottle between his fingers. “But… some things aren’t meant to be, it doesn’t matter how much you want them to.”

This answer sounds… way too vague. Not what you want to hear. You know there’s more behind their break up, but just by looking at Jungkook you see that he isn’t telling you anything else. Well, this is the most he ever said about his past relationship in almost one year. It’s better than nothing.

And back to silence.

You want to push this awkwardness away. But how? You don’t feel as close to Jungkook as you always were. It’s not as if you could simply say anything in this moment… especially because, somehow, you feel that Jungkook expects you to do something, even though he came all the way to your apartment just to talk.

Say something, goddamnit!

“I’m sorry.” you blurt out.

Jungkook looks at you, but you’re not strong enough to look back at him. You hold the tiny bottle so tightly that it might get smashed at any moment; that’s just how nervous you are.

“Sorry for what?” he asks quietly. You hear the expectation in his voice… almost as if he’s holding his breath.

You can’t help but gulp. I’m not good with this type of thing.

“For everything.” you hate the way your voice sounds so damn fragile. Being sincere like this is somehow… painful. But that’s what Jungkook expects of you: sincerity. So you keep talking, although you don’t know the right words to express yourself. “I… I don’t know why things got like this between us…” you almost gasp. “I mean, I know why. We know why. And I feel very responsible.”

“You have this habit of taking the blame to yourself, isn’t it?” He murmurs. Jungkook shakes his head softly and passes his hand on his hair.

“But I was the one to propose it in the first place.”

“And I agreed.”

“Okay, but…” you have to stop for a moment to recover your breath. “I don’t know, I just feel sorry. I didn’t think of anyone except me all along. I’ve been an awful person to you… and awful friend. Also…” you need to stop again. Why is it so hard to speak? It feels as if there’s something obstructing your throat; the words hardly come out. “What I did that day at Joy’s house… it was wrong. I’m sorry that I made you upset that day.”

Jungkook sighs heavily. You’re still scared to look at him.

“I’m sorry about that day, too. I was rude to you.” Is he apologizing for calling you a slut while you had sex in the bathroom? Well, you definitely didn’t care about that. “I feel sorry too, Y/N. The way we drifted apart from each other…” he gesticulates with his finger between you and him. “The fault is on us both. I already told you, you shouldn’t take all the responsibility to yourself. We were both stupid.”

“Very stupid.” you both chuckle. You feel your heart lightening up for a moment; that strong tension still hovers around you, but now it feels like a different type of tension. Seeing that tiny smile in Jungkook’s lips makes your heart race.

You finally look at each other.

The shadows of the night paint Jungkook’s face. His hair sways with the wind softly. His dark eyes shine as much as diamonds. You never really understood the expression “to get lost in someone’s eyes…”

Well… now you do.

The small moment you two share feels fragile… featherlight. You’re scared that if you say or do something wrong, it’ll break and disappear. You’re scared to break him. To break yourself. This makes you remember that, ever since you were kids, Jungkook has always been the most fragile of you two. He has always been the most sensitive, the one to get hurt easily. Jimin was right all along. How could you do this to him? Why did you let this happen between you two?

“I missed you.” your voice is barely a whisper. Admitting this makes you feel exposed and relieved at the same time. Your throat feels even tighter.

“I missed you, too.” he confesses.

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry, too.”

You smile at each other.

That’s the moment you almost confess something more… your confused feelings for him. You feel the urge to say that you don’t see him as just a friend anymore; that you don’t want to be just a friend anymore.

But something holds you back.

This is maybe the moment when you’re finally being able to reconcile. You don’t know if Jungkook feels the same about you; you don’t want to push him away by throwing your feelings over him. This might destroy you friendship forever.

Then, you decide to keep it all to yourself. At least for now.

“So,” Jungkook says, sighing. “What about that group project?”

You quirk one eyebrow up. “I’m pretty sure you know about the group project.”

Jungkook giggles. “Jimin has been annoying you, too?” you nod. He shakes his head. “He’s a little shit, isn’t he?”

“Yes. He had good intentions, at least.” You shrug.

“He could be a little more subtle, though.” You can’t help but agree. “Congratulations for getting the highest grade.”

“Thank you. Jimin also told me that you’ve been talking to some important people…”

Jungkook smiles beautifully with this. “Yes. It’s a director. He said that he likes my work and that I have talent. I think he’ll invite me to work with him as a trainee for a while.” Your eyes widen in a surprised expression.

“Really?! That’s great, Kook!” It feels so nice to call him Kook again after so long. Slowly, you feel that unbearable tension vanishing and all that’s left is you and him. Two people that know each other better than you know yourselves for most of your lives. In a matter of seconds, the distance that put you apart for months seems to disappear.

Suddenly, you feel a cold drizzle start falling over your heads. Jungkook frowns. “I think we should get down there.”

“Yes.” Before you can think better, you blurt out: “You can sleep here if you want.” Perhaps you shouldn’t have said that, because Jungkook’s frown deepens as he stares at you with suspicion. A shiver of fear runs down your spine. “Hey, that’s not what I mean.” You’re quick to say, waving your hands. “Before this sex thing started there was just us, remember? I… I miss us.”

Jungkook thinks for some moments, his eyes never leaving yours.

Then, a tiny smile makes its way to his lips - and you’re happy to see that the smile reaches his eyes, too. “Okay.”

“Wait- so Irene and Jennie made up?” Jungkook asks from the kitchen, surprised.

“That’s what it looks like. I mean, they did post some photos together on Instagram.” you say while adjusting the pillows and blankets on the mattress you placed in the living room. Yours’ and Seulgi’s friends come to sleep over a lot, so you’re used to do it - you even bought some spare sheets and blankets for this occasion.

“But you can’t be sure that they are together just because of some photos.”

“Yeah, but you know Seulgi. She jumped to conclusions. Being honest, they don’t look like a couple in these photos… but I don’t think there’s anything I can say that will change her mind at this point. I tried everything.”

“I don’t really think that they’ll make up this time.” Jungkook admits. You walk over to the kitchen and lean on the counter, opposite to him.

“I feel bad for her. Seulgi still loves Irene and she can’t get over it. I think it’s the first time she spends the night out in a long while… and it isn’t even to have fun. I’m worried.”

He pouts and shrugs, eyes focused in building up his sandwich. “Maybe we should just let her figure things out by herself.”

“But she’s doing nothing.”

Jungkook stops adding ketchup just to stare at you and quirk his eyebrows. “Y/N. I think I already said that you should stop trying to be a cupid, like… a million times.”

“I didn’t say I’d do something!” You do your best to sound offended.

“I know you, woman. I’ve seen this face many times. You look like an evil gremlin.”

“I don’t!” you cross your arms. You forgot how annoying it is that Jungkook knows you so well, because you did think of doing something to help her. You’re so tired of seeing you friend being sad all the time. All she does these days is watch Netflix and complain. She already started to look like a zombie at this point. No one can blame you for being concerned. “Besides, gremlins are cute.”

“You’re the only person on this planet that thinks this.” He shakes his head slightly, his hair waving in the process.

“Why did you let your hair grow so much?” You ask, resting your chin over your palm.

“Because I look good with long hair.” Jungkook shrugs, a smug smirk on his face.

“You cocky little shit.”

“Am I wrong for telling the truth?” He looks up at you again, playful. You can’t even tell he’s wrong: that long hair really matches his looks and personality.

“Hey, are you still helping Namjoon and Yoongi?” you ask when Jungkook starts to make a fourth sandwich. Yes, you guys do eat a lot.

“Yeah. I haven’t been to the studio in a few days, but they still call me whenever they need me.” Jungkook presses his lips together and shifts a little: nervousness. “I… I kind of helped them write a song.”

“Really? But you said you were just ‘lending’ them your voice to record demos.”

“Yeah, but I felt kind of inspired. It was just for fun, though.” He shifts his eyes to you then back to the sandwich very rapidly. “Maybe I’ll let you listen to it any other day.”

“Aw, come on! I’ve been wanting to listen to your songs for so long!” you whine.

“I said maybe. When the right time comes.”

You don’t really get what he means with it.

For a while, you just sit there and watch Jungkook. He looks so carefree and relaxed; he moves around the kitchen as if it’s his own house. He knows where everything is in the cabinets. In a way, this really is his second house considering how often he comes… even when he used to come just to fuck during these past months. It feels so nice to see him not being all tensed up and uncomfortable around you anymore. He even starts to sing quietly, his voice as sweet and smooth as cotton candy filling up the entire house. You’re one of the few people that Jungkook feels confident enough to sing around. It’s almost a privilege.

You have been staring at him unceremoniously for so long that Jungkook frowns and looks back at you, frowning. “What?”

“Nothing.” You shake your head. “It’s just that… Namjoon is right. You could’ve been famous with this voice.” Jungkook smiles shyly. “And this face.” He turns around to open the fridge. “And this ass.”

He frowns. “Seriously?”

“What? I’m being honest. And don’t act like you don’t stare at my ass all the time.”

Jungkook chuckles and shakes his head in that way that means I can’t stand you.

“Done.” He claps his hands together. Four giant sandwiches, coke, popcorn and m&ms (let’s say that you and Seulgi don’t have exactly the healthier type of food at home).

“Okay. I’ll take these, get changed first if you want,” you say while taking the plates to the living room. Of course there would be some of his clothes at your place.

When Jungkook sees the clothes you chose, he stares at you with an outraged expression. “My grey hoodie!”

“…yes.”

“You said you didn’t know where it was!”

You stop and click your tongue. “…funny how I found it at the bottom of my drawer tonight, huh?”

He knows you’re lying. But you won’t tell him that slept wearing his hoodie some nights because it smelled like him. He doesn’t need to know this.

“Hoodie thief.” He says and taps your head jokingly, making his way to the bathroom. You’re wearing sleeping clothes as well - and you made sure to choose your ugliest and largest ones. You don’t want Jungkook to think you asked him to sleep here just to end up having sex.

He comes back and throws himself on the mattress by your side. You’re very aware of the immense space between you; another person could fit in here. “What are we going to watch?”

“I think I’ve watched the entire Netflix catalogue at this point because of Seulgi.” you admit, shoving popcorn inside your mouth. Jungkook takes your phone and scrolls down the Netflix page.

“There’s always something more to watch.”

You end up arguing about what movie to watch. Actually, you spend more time arguing and scrolling down through the Netflix endless catalogue than watching something.

You don’t touch each other not even once. The physical distance almost feels like a living being.

You end up giving up on Netflix and watching Avengers Endgame for the hundredth time anyway.

And yes - Jungkook cries at the ending of the film.

You wake up with the sunlight touching your face.

It’s awful. You close your eyes tightly and yawn, a little bit confused at first. What am I doing in the living room? You search for your phone to check the hour: it’s seven in the morning. Shit. Whenever you can sleep until late hours, you end up waking up early…

You turn your head to the side and freeze.

It’s Jungkook.

Now you remember everything. The TV is still on, which means both of you fell asleep while watching it. The empty plates and glasses are placed over the coffee table.

You never slept together before.

There was only one time when it happened - the first and only, when you two got wasted and the whole story started. Other than that, you never slept together. First, because you had more interesting things to do other than sleep. Second, because sleeping together feels way too intimate. It didn’t matter how tired you were after fucking, when you finished cleaning up, you’d both put your clothes back on and walk back to your respective homes. You vehemently avoided doing anything that might feel too intimate - kissing, sleeping together… after a while, you even avoided looking at each other right in the eye while having sex.

You’re not touching; there is still a great space between your bodies. Yet… just the thought that you slept with Jungkook makes your heart race.

You don’t move a single centimeter. You just lay there and… look at him.

His long hair is a mess. His face is adorably puffy, lips slightly parted. He looks peaceful. The way his chest moves up and down as he breathes is hypnotizing.

He’s seriously so beautiful.

But now, you don’t think of it in a sexual way. Back then, you’d always admire how hot Jungkook is, his godlike physique, how lucky you were to be having sex with a guy like him… not now. You just feel mesmerized by his features. The long eyelashes touching his cheeks. The tiny moles on his face and neck. Some old acne scars.

It’s odd, but right now, you realize just how much you’ve been missing him. It doesn’t make sense - Jungkook is right here, barely an arm apart from you. You made up last night and it seems that everything is back to normal. Still, you desperately miss him.

Your chest fills up with something strange and unknown. It’s sweet and painful. It makes your heart feel tight, your nerves feel like burning and your eyes well up with tears.

This is the face of the person that has been with you during most of your life.

He’s a part of you.

The most important part of you.

In this moment, your feelings for him are so great that it seems that they can’t even fit inside of you anymore.

You watch him sleep for a long time, too scared to move and wake him up. But eventually, he sighs heavily and moves his head, indicating he’s about to wake up.

His eyes finally open and he yawns.

“Good morning.” He says when his eyes focus on you, smiling softly. Jungkook’s voice sounds deep and raspy. He stretches his arms over his head. “I mean… if it’s still morning.”

“It is,” you say softly.

He stares at the ceiling with heavy-lidded eyes. “I dreamed that babies came from eggs. Like ostrich eggs.” He chuckles. “And women gave birth to the eggs like chickens.”

You don’t say anything and just keep watching him instead.

Jungkook finally turns his head at you and frowns, still smiling softly. “What?”

“Nothing.” You say so quietly that he can barely hear.

He gazes back at you.

Slowly, the smile on his lips disappears.

You feel the tension building up around you - but this time it feels different. It’s not a bad tension like what you experienced last night at the terrace, nor is it dense like when you two were aroused and desperate to find a place and please yourselves. This time, it feels delicate but heavy nevertheless. It makes your blood boil and your heart race.

Jungkook’s eyes are serious, heavy and intense over you. All the playfulness is gone. None of you say a word. You don’t even know if you have the power to move considering how heavy the tension is.

He extends his arm and his fingertips touch your cheek. Your skin feels burning hot. Delicately, he puts a strand of hair behind your ear. It’s strange how he’s doing the exact same thing Taehyung did, but with Jungkook, this simple touch made you feel like exploding right there.

Jungkook is the one to come closer. Closer and closer and closer. Your breathing is heavy. He caresses your cheek his his thumb. Soon, his face is right in front of yours - noses touching, eyes locked and burning with something you can’t quite name.

You stare at each other like this for a moment until his gaze finally drops to your mouth.

You both lean in for the kiss at the same time.

You have already tasted these lips multiple times before - but now, it’s different. The kiss is slow; you move your lips unhurriedly and sweetly. Yet, this kiss feels much more intense than any other you have shared before. None of those times when you kissed him desperately with luxury being the only thing on your mind comes even close to the intensity of this kiss.

It almost feels that this is the actual first time you kiss Jungkook.

Your breathing gets even heavier as the kiss deepens. His hand rests on your waist, while yours hold his neck. The sloppy sounds of your lips and tongues moving together are the only audible thing in the apartment. Your whole being screams in excitement and anticipation when Jungkook moves his body to hover over yours, not even once breaking the kiss. Your right hand grabs his smooth hair while the other travels up and down his back; your body is getting burning hot. Jungkook moans very softly. You start to feel the familiar wetness on your panties.

Jungkook leans away for a moment; his lips are red and swollen, his hair is even messier now, his dark eyes are clouded with want and something you can’t name - something so strong that he’s able to make you shiver with that look alone. He leans down again and starts to kiss and suck your neck very slowly, making soft moans escape through your lips. His hand sneaks under your baggy shirt and he squeezes your breast. Soon, his lips are on yours again and the kiss becomes much deeper. You can already feel sweat forming on your forehead. Jungkook starts to grind on you; you can clearly feel his clothed erection rub against your own core, what makes more and more strangled moans come from both of you.

This is the hottest make out session of your life. The entire atmosphere is not what you’re used to; it’s not playful, none of you say a word. No teasing, no dirty talk. All you do is try to touch each other the best you can, never once breaking the kiss. It’s as if, with this kiss, you’re having a conversation… you’re telling each other everything you’re not brave enough to say out loud.

Soon, the desperation becomes too big. There’s no time to play, you just want to have him inside of you and feel his warm skin against yours. Unceremoniously, you start to undress yourselves, kissing every spot you can find in the process - neck, chest, stomach. Your clothes are thrown around the living room. You lay on your back again and Jungkook hovers above you once more, your legs entangling around his hips as he positions his hard member on your entrance.

You always avoided this position because it is too intimate; you’re forced to look at each other like this. This time, though, it doesn’t matter. You want to look at him - and the sight of his face contorting in pure pleasure, lips parted and eyes closed tightly as he eases himself inside of you, is almost as good as the feeling of being stretched after a long time.

Jungkook doesn’t move at first. He knows he’ll hurt you if he goes too hard right from the beginning. Instead, he waits until you call his name quietly in a strangled moan - the sign he needs to start thrusting. He rests his head on your shoulder and grabs the pillow under your head tightly as he picks up his pace, slow and steady, soft groans coming from the back of his throat that make you feel goosebumps. You hold his back with both hands. You can’t shut the moans anymore.

Sweat makes your skin slippery as he thrusts faster. Jungkook licks and bites your ear, moaning right into it, and it feels that this alone could make you cum. He then leans away for a moment, creating some space between your bodies to have a better angle to keep smashing himself into you - faster and faster, stronger and stronger. The usual sound of skin hitting skin, heavy breathing and moans is all you can hear.

You said that you didn’t ask him to sleep here just to have sex - and you weren’t lying.

But this doesn’t feel like just sex.

This isn’t fucking.

The pleasure is getting unsustainable and you both feel it. You close your legs around him even tighter and pull his face with both hands, sealing your lips in another intense, desperate kiss. It’s sloppy and unsynchronized. It’s raw and rough and so full of emotions you can’t comprehend that you feel your eyes tearing up again.

What you’re experiencing right now isn’t just two people finding pleasure in each other. It isn’t simply carnal instinct.

It is the deepest and most sincere way to connect with another being - without any words, through touches only.

You never felt anything like this in your life - not with Mike or any of your past boyfriends and hook ups. This is beyond lust. This is beyond sex.

Jungkook breaks the kiss apart for a second to look at you. Your gazes lock. God, he’s beautiful. Not only his appearance, but everything about him is beautiful.

And it is right now - stating deep into his eyes - that you come to a conclusion.

Jungkook has always been a part of you. But, in this exact moment, it feels like more.

It feels that you two became one.

He leans down and kisses you again. Your lips are tightly sealed when you both come at the same time.

Your trembling fingers still hold the strands of his damp hair tightly. You caress his face softly, putting some hair away from his eyes. Jungkook kisses you again. And again, and again, and again, and again.

You’re glad when he rests his head on your shoulder again, because like this, he can’t see the tears trickling down your temples.

It’s still hard to understand what just happened. Honestly, you think you’ll never fully understand.

But one thing you do understand, one thing that became as clear as the morning sky, is that your feelings for Jungkook are deeper and stronger than you ever imagined. He’s so much more than a friend.

Yet, you don’t know if he sees you the same way.

You don’t know if he felt the same things you did or if this was just one more time having sex with you. You don’t know if he still has feelings for Yeri or if he’s developing any for Joy.

You know nothing - and this fact makes your heart hurt as if it is being stabbed…

Because Jungkook, the best and most important part of you, might never be truly yours.

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