ⁱ'ˡˡ ᵃˡʷᵃʸˢ ʷⁱˢʰ ⁱ ʷᵃˢ ˢᵐᵃˡˡᵉʳ ᵗʰᵃⁿ ᵗʰⁱˢ

i’m having a solo in ballet in 3 months. I’ll have to bring my a game on guys 💪💪💪

Losing and maintaining is better than gaining 🗣️💥🔊

only 2kg to go till im not in the overweight category anymore somebody cheer 🤍🎀

I SH’d for the first time in a very long time tonight. I feel so ashamed. I’m fucking 25 and a mom, how could I have lost my mind like that?

hey edblr! any liquid or soup recommends? preferebly some with protein or fibre! I'm recovering from an invasive Jaw surgery and thus I cannot eat solids at all (cant chew) 🥺 a lot of my food options are scarse rn

my grocery bill is insane and I’m just one person with a restrictive eating disorder idk how regular people are surviving

Breakfast: 245 cals

Tomato, apple, egg, soy latte

Snack: 300 cals (overcalculated)

Chocolate cake bc it‘s my nephew‘s birthday, oat latte

Dinner: 363 cals

Butter bread with cucumber, apple

Total: 908 cals

How long should I fast?

If counting calories was a subject, I'd get good grades !

intro post ⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡

18 yrs old

162cm | 5ft 4

sw: 50kg | 110 lbs

cw: 44.8kg | 99lbs

gw1: 43kg | 95 lbs

gw2: 40kg | 88 lbs

ugw: ?

My DM’s are open ! 🎀

Istg there is something wrong with my appetite because I was so sure there was nothing sweet in the pantry i like to eat but my cravings didn't stopped until i checked the pantry and it was like "oh ok then" bitch u knew it from the start but why are u like this

just purged for the first time in a while and i feel great. honeymoon phase come back to me it was so easy to not eat and purge if i did 🤍🎀

Okay, I can’t do this.

At the height of my ed, I was around 90lbs. I made a semi-full recovery and got up to 135. I was happy, confident, and mostly okay with my body. Although I relapsed quite a few times because, let’s face it, having an ed isn’t something that ever completely goes away, I always managed to bring myself back out of it and continue functioning like a normal person. When I got pregnant, I started having extreme body dysphoria the further along I got. When my son was born, I was 30lbs heavier than my pre pregnancy weight, had a ton of loose skin, stretch marks, hip dips, and every part of me just seemed wider. Having a history of anorexia left me vulnerable to relapse once I realized my body wouldn’t just “snap back” to normal after birth. And I did relapse, hard. It made me a bad mom. Time I could’ve been spending with my baby was spent obsessing over my weight, counting calories, body checking, and abusing myself in ways I haven’t since I was at my lowest weight. The last six months, I’ve hated myself, hated how I looked, hated that I was struggling with an eating disorder at my age, and HATED that my son wasn’t getting the kind of mother he deserves. So, I decided to change my mindset. I may not look how I did before, but my body did an incredible thing; it carried my baby. It allowed me to bring him into this world within minutes when he went into distress while I was in labor. It healed from a physically traumatic birth. It functioned on no sleep and complete neglect of my personal needs during the first month of his life. This body may not be the same skinny, “pretty” one I had before pregnancy, but THIS body gave me something I can’t imagine my life without now. I have the body of a mom, and it’s beautiful in its own right. I’ll continue trying to lose weight, but in a safe way. I won’t let my obsession with thinness consume my every thought and cause me to be less present with my son. My weight is the last thing deserving of my attention.

i want everyone to be worried about me