coming back to 3dblr after “recovery”

I don’t want the “journey” I want the end results now. Wdym I can’t drop 20 lbs overnight????

When you weigh less at the end of the day

Okay, I can’t do this.

At the height of my ed, I was around 90lbs. I made a semi-full recovery and got up to 135. I was happy, confident, and mostly okay with my body. Although I relapsed quite a few times because, let’s face it, having an ed isn’t something that ever completely goes away, I always managed to bring myself back out of it and continue functioning like a normal person. When I got pregnant, I started having extreme body dysphoria the further along I got. When my son was born, I was 30lbs heavier than my pre pregnancy weight, had a ton of loose skin, stretch marks, hip dips, and every part of me just seemed wider. Having a history of anorexia left me vulnerable to relapse once I realized my body wouldn’t just “snap back” to normal after birth. And I did relapse, hard. It made me a bad mom. Time I could’ve been spending with my baby was spent obsessing over my weight, counting calories, body checking, and abusing myself in ways I haven’t since I was at my lowest weight. The last six months, I’ve hated myself, hated how I looked, hated that I was struggling with an eating disorder at my age, and HATED that my son wasn’t getting the kind of mother he deserves. So, I decided to change my mindset. I may not look how I did before, but my body did an incredible thing; it carried my baby. It allowed me to bring him into this world within minutes when he went into distress while I was in labor. It healed from a physically traumatic birth. It functioned on no sleep and complete neglect of my personal needs during the first month of his life. This body may not be the same skinny, “pretty” one I had before pregnancy, but THIS body gave me something I can’t imagine my life without now. I have the body of a mom, and it’s beautiful in its own right. I’ll continue trying to lose weight, but in a safe way. I won’t let my obsession with thinness consume my every thought and cause me to be less present with my son. My weight is the last thing deserving of my attention.

There is not one thing I love about being the size I currently am 

I thought to bring in the new year, I would try on an outfit that fit me at my ugw & it fucking ripped 🥲

Rest in peace my favorite sweater and skirt

why,why,why,why why,why,why,why why,why,why,why why,why,why,why why,why,why,why why,why,why,why why,why,why,why why,why,why,why why,why,why,why why,why,why,why why,why,why,why why,why,why,why

can't i be perfect

diet coke my love

During the first 5 days without food, a person may lose 1–2 kilograms (2.2–4.4 pounds) of body weight each day.

which means by the 30th i might lose 11 or 22 kg

Pretending idgaf when I lowkey mutilated my body irreparably over it

Being skinny is drinking black coffee and pretending to like it

Need someone to punch me in the face so hard I need jaw surgery and literally can’t put food into my mouth for a month or two. 🤐

If someone hugged me rn I would simply fall apart

Shoutout to the ones who are gonna binge on Christmas and excuse yourself to the bathroom to purge until your throat hurts