Headcanon: Just because they are dating it doesn't mean they are less awkward

I was answering a comment I got, when I started thinking about what would happen if Miles and Gwen started dating?

My first thought: "Oh the adaptation period is going to be fun."

Both in fiction and in real life, you can have a period of time when friends who had been crushing for too long may be trying to not come too strong to the other person in case their new partner hasn't fallen as deeply in love as themselves.

Do I think this would happen with Miles and Gwen? Oh for sure.

Gwen in general tries to hide her emotions and while I think being with Miles will loosen her up a bit, I think she may get shy about how much she likes him (specially considering some things she did while crushing.) Miles I think would do so as well, since it has been his normal to try to tone down his crush, and seeing how "collected" Gwen can be, would try to act "cool."

All of this rambling is now for a list of headcanons of the stupid things they did because of this and that they try to hide from each other before they realize how silly they are.

Let's go!

They both do a victory lap, or the spidey equivalent, swinging across their respective New York after Miles asked Gwen out.

Miles is the loudest, swinging across the streets while screaming in excitement a few times, including one time when he screams "SHE LIKES MEEEEEE."

This ends up with a bunch of people online not only reposting clips of the video where he screams that, but people speculating who could be the mystery girl who seems to like him. Miles panics thinking Gwen may think he is cheating on her and Ganke needs to be there to calm him down and devise a plan to get gossip people into something else.

Gwen isn't much better, she doesn't really scream anything, however she ends up doing a bunch of daredevil tricks and jumps because her excitement manifests in see-how-many-gymnastics-record-I-can-break.

She ends up scaring the living shit out of her dad, who was trying to react very normally when a coworker show him a clip of just a part of it (she literally did this by a good part of the city, so there are different videos.) The gymnastic Olympic team of the United States is once again trying to recruit Spider-Woman. There are now people making recompilations of videos to see if there is a way to catch the whole thing, and some people had noticed that in some clips it almost looks like she is squealing.

Gwen recruited Peni's help to take down the most incriminating videos, mostly because it was impossible to take all of them down. She also begged Peni to have a way for her dad to not find some videos on his phone. I imagine her dad may be a bit protective of her and while Gwen told him she is dating Miles, she doesn't want her dad to realize how madly she is in love with him.

(He knows, he remembers the Polaroid.)

Because of this, the first few days together they try end up planning dates in other universes, because both of them are waiting for those videos to not be trending. Gwen ends up dancing with Miles in Hobie's universe, while Miles shows Gwen a crazy arcade in Margo's universe.

Miles is ALWAYS smiling, depending on how much he has been in his mind he may look more lovesick or casual. Everyone has been teasing him, Ganke, his parents and Peter B the most.

I already headcanon that Gwen is actually a cuddle bug, she just has trouble leaning into others because of her vulnerability issues. So Gwen is constantly trying to measure how much she tries to hug him, to not look too eager to take his hand or lean on his shoulder. Is a tougher battle than she ever wants to admit.

Miles ends up drawing Gwen even more often, especially since he has pictures of her and stuff; so before he knows it, he ends up with this beautiful mural of her. He isn't sure when to reveal it to her because he has added so many little detail and drawings he is afraid to come out as creepy.

Like many people, I headcanon Gwen has tried writing songs about Miles. Well the new relationship status made her finish one of those songs, which her bandmates liking, and Hobie also insisted she should play it next time in his universe.

"Next Time" ends up having the spideygang (Miles, Pavitr, Margo and Peni,) at the concert. Hobie remarks that the next song is written by his drummer, and it doesn't take long for Miles to be smiling once more like a lovesick puppy once the lyrics appear.

Gwen is a bit embarrassed, but he says he loved the song, and he would love to hear more if she ever does. He shares some of his art, and she is, of course, melting.

He doesn't take too long before showing Gwen the mural, and Gwen loves it. Is hidden below a bridge, in a place you can only see while being upside down; and she adores how Miles shown her drumming, her dance, he captures her from her eyes to the little tooth gap she has, and yet Gwen cannot stop being amazed at how despite showing all those things she considers flaws, she looks beautiful in all of them.

Miles shrugs saying "I just draw you like I see you."

And THEN, they become a couple of dorks in love who everyone else is getting kind of sick of how corny they are. But they are kind of stupid for each other and had been holding it for a while, so why not scream it from the rooftops?

How Leo’s role as face man prevents him from confiding with his team

Watching throughout the entire series we see Leo constantly keep up with his role as the face man of the group

While on missions he can use his charisma and persuasion in order to get people to go along with his plans without letting people know what he’s really thinking

But he never seems to put it down

•Leos Emotional Guard

At first glance Leo’s entire personality revolves around being lenient laid back and chill, and to everyone else it makes him seem like a very open book, and that’s why the face man role works out for him

But it means that no one is really aware of anything beneath the surface. They never bother to ask because who would need to?

However, this also includes Leo’s family

Despite his chilled back personality Leo is one of the most emotionally guarded ones out of all of the brothers

Throughout the series we can see little moments of vulnerability from each members of the family, digging deeper into their emotions and their insecurities and then go on to discuss said feelings and gain some form of comfort or closure from their family. Most notable ones shown below

Donnie in “Donnie vs Witch Town”

Raph in “Anatawa Hitorijinai”

Mikey in “Hidden City’s Most Wanted”

April in “Always Be Brownies”

Splinter & Donnie in “Turtledega Nights”

•How Leo is Different

Similar to everyone else, Leo is shown to have these moments sprinkled in too but they never occur with his family

The two most memorable moments we have are shown in “Portaled Jacked” with Senor Hueso and during his one-on-one conversation with Casey

Why these two characters and not one of his close family members?

Because it’s easier talking about problems to strangers and people who don’t know you as they have no previous knowledge or connotations of you to fall back on and there’s no feelings of burden or guilt if you believe the topic will never be discussed with them again. There’s less feelings of consequences that comes with being vulnerable towards people who don’t know you well. Because if you open up more to the people who do, the risk that their opinion of you will change gets higher

Then we add in the fact that Leo is already extremely guarded of his emotions. He doesn’t want his brothers to think less of him because he already isn’t confident of his place in the team already and thus doesn’t confide in them

•Deflecting with Humor

And then the two moments where we do see little slips in Leo’s carefully constructed masks that occur around his family, which we can find in “Minotaur Maze” and “Many Unhappy Returns”

He ends up immediately backtracking and deflecting with humor, thus changing the subject and preventing anyone from delving into it further and reacting to the quips instead

“You know it’d really help me if you guys said that I was your champion.” “Just open it!”

“This whole situation was my plan all along. If it wasn’t, then why’d I ask your tailor to make me this outfit?” “So we could both perish looking super fly?”

What makes it worse is that Leo has such a habit of doing it that his family expects it, which  then causes them to believe there’s no underlying issues beneath the surface and thus don’t react accordingly. (with the addition that both parties had valid reasons for being upset with him at the time)

But it causes a situation of Leo internalizing his emotions, and if he doesn’t expand on the topic himself, then his family won’t see a reason to either nor think there’s an issue to begin with

•The Movie

To add onto this point, we see Raph and Leo arguing over Leo’s role as leader. As usual Leo deflects the argument with humor and avoids the situation. But we can see during the argument that how Leo privately lets down his guard and for a second the audience is able to see how he’s really reacting to Raph’s words. However, it is apparent that Raph doesn’t  see this side of him and most likely never really has

“You just don’t get it Leo”

Now as the audience it is very easy to draw to the conclusion that Leo has clear issues with his role as the leader and most likely many insecurities regarding it thus why he acts the way he does. Like any other serious situation, he copes with, he deflects with humor and tries to avoid it

This argument then implies that in the two years since Leo was made leader of the group, he never revealed his internal issues with it and never made it apparent to his brothers either because he hates being vulnerable

The face man role works for him because it requires skillful work in that you can manipulate people the way you want to without ever letting them know what your thinking. And Leo carries that role with him when it comes to his brothers and family as well. But this doesn’t work out for him anymore when he becomes the leader and communication becomes so important to the team. (I talk about this more on a different post)

Thus the events of the movie and why things played out the way they did

Naturally he learns how to trust in his team more when the situation becomes dire enough that he realizes he can no longer keep deflecting

But even after all the traumatic events that he went through. When it comes to the one time we see him really cry. He still only lets himself cry when he’s completely alone within the prison dimension

TLDR: Leo’s role as the face man is kept on both on and off duty as we find that he is really one of the most emotionally guarded out of all of his brothers as he doesn’t want to let them know what he’s really feeling out of fear that they might think less of him as he is already insecure of his placement in the group and would rather confide in people who don’t know him well over his family where he runs the risk of them treating him differently

Honestly, “Mr. Emotionally Unavailable” has some real competition ahead of him

If we were being completely blunt, all of the brothers have trouble when it comes to letting go of their real emotions, Donnie just being out of his depth with them and it being uncomfortable, Raph wanting to be strong for his brothers, and Mikey most likely wanting to focus on his brother’s emotions over his own as the Therapist of the group, but i believe the Leo definitely has the worst case out of all of them.

Darkness

Summary: Bucky helps you when you're feeling depressed.

Warnings: Depression, suicidal thoughts, mental health issues

A/N: Please don't read if you think it will trigger you in any way! I'm in my feels tonight and wish I had Bucky to comfort me. Also Raynor sucks but for the sake of this fic just pretend she doesn't.

Another night sat alone in your room. You could hear the laughter of the other Avengers out in the living room but you had no desire to join in. It made you sad that you didn’t care. You wanted to, you really did. But thinking about leaving the sanctuary of your bed and having to plaster a smile on your face was too exhausting. You weren’t like them. You weren’t a superhero. No, you were just a girl that happened to be in the right place at the right time. You had met Tony Stark when you were 16 and he had taken you in like a daughter. Since then, you had lived in the tower but you never really felt like a part of everything. The team loved you and included you in everything but in your head, it was all fake. 

You’ll never be like them. You’ll never truly belong, you told yourself.

Everyone was used to you being a bright light around the tower. You were always smiling, making everyone laugh, and doling out advice left and right to anyone who needed it. But recently, something within you was cracking. The sadness that had haunted you during your teenage years was back and it felt ten times stronger than it ever had. Your teammates blamed it on exhaustion from the back to back missions you waited up all night for them to come home from. They asked if you were okay and they believed you when you lied the word “yes” through your lips. You said that you were fine so they thought you were. 

Except for Bucky. Bucky knew there was something else going on. Both of you were introverted, something that you bonded over. You were both plagued with nightmares of your past which lead to many sleepless nights. One night when insomnia found you, you ran into him sitting on the couch watching tv. You opened up to him about your issues sleeping and the two of you made a deal: You’d come find each other when sleep evaded you. 

In the two months since, you had knocked on each other’s doors countless times late into the night. Sometimes you would watch a movie together, go get pizza from the 99 cent place down the block, or you would just lay together silently on opposite sides of the bed, enjoying the comfort of not being alone but not needing to speak.

Bucky had his fair share of mental health issues after his years being Hydra’s pawn. He was in a much better place now, due to the combination of medication and therapy that he had been through. But he knew the signs of someone struggling. They used to be constantly present in himself. He knew you weren’t okay.

You lay in your bed, staring mindlessly at the wall. As the chatter of your teammates drifted under the cracks of your bedroom door, silent tears rolled down your cheeks. You were tired of feeling this way. You didn’t get why you couldn’t just be happy like everyone else. Why you couldn’t just be normal. 

They don’t care if you’re out there or not. They don’t care about you or what happens to you. Maybe you should just do all of them a favor and delete yourself from their lives forever. 

Your mind was spiraling into darker and darker places by the second. You didn’t know how much longer you could keep doing this. Keep being here, alive. 

You heard the knock on the door, but it sounded so far away. You didn’t wanna see anyone but your depleted body and mind wouldn’t let you get out the words to send them away. The door creaked open and you heard footsteps leading towards your bed.

Bucky’s face appeared in front of you. He noticed your tear stained cheeks and the dark circles under your eyes. You weren’t okay and he knew it. “Y/N, can you talk to me, please?” 

You didn’t respond. You couldn’t. You were so trapped in your own mind, your own thoughts. 

“Y/N…” he tenderly reached out his hand and pushed your hair out of your face. “Can you hear me?” His thumb swept over your face, wiping a fresh tear that had fallen. “Please, just say something. I’m so worried about you…” 

You had always dealt with depression. It was something that you had shared with Bucky during one of your sleepless nights. You blinked a few times and it was like the recognition hit your brain. You realized that he was in front of you, talking to you. As the realization crossed your mind, it was impossible to keep it inside any longer. You burst into tears, hot floods falling down your face. Bucky quickly pulled you into him, stroking your hair. 

“It’s okay. It’s okay, just let it out. Let it all out.” He whispered encouraging words in your ear as you broke down. 

Once you had calmed down, he got into the bed beside you, not wanting to leave you alone. “It’s bad again, isn't it?” He asked.

You nodded, still having trouble finding the words to express what you wanted to say.

The next two days, you didn’t get out of bed. Bucky wanted to give you the space you needed but he was also worried sick. He brought you food that for the most part went uneaten. He tried to get you to shower or at least change into clean clothes but you refused. You were catatonic, spending the days alternating between crying, sleeping, and staring at the wall.

The third day, Bucky was done giving you space. “Y/N, get up. We’re going out.”

“Out?” Your voice croaked as you spoke, having barely used it in days.

“Yup. Come on, at least put on some clean clothes.”

“Don’t wanna go out, Bucky.” Your voice was so monotonous, so not you. So unlike the bright, intelligent, resilient girl that he knew so well. 

“Too bad. You don’t have a choice.” He threw the covers off of you and turned on the light. “Up.” 

You groaned and slowly sat up, muscles sore and protesting the movement after being dormant for so long. 

“Here, I brought you clothes,” he handed you one of his sweatshirts and a pair of sweatpants. “Get changed. I’ll be back in five minutes.”

You changed into the clothes he brought you, taking in the scent of him on the sweatshirt. It smelled like comfort. Like home. 

A few minutes later, Bucky brought you outside to his car. You got in the passenger's seat and wordlessly stared out the window as he drove. You didn’t know where you were going and you didn’t care enough to ask. 

15 minutes of silence later, you arrived at your destination. The sign on the window read “Dr. Christina Raynor, Licensed Therapist.” “A therapist? Really? I’m not doing this.” “Yes, you are. You don’t have a choice. If you don’t get out of the car, I’ll fucking carry you inside. You can sit in silence through the whole appointment but you're going in there. I’ll wait outside or I’ll come in with you if you want, okay?”

You knew he wouldn’t budge. That’s how you found yourself sitting across from Dr. Raynor, with Bucky at your side. You told her about your past, how you had been bounced around from loveless foster home to foster home. How depression had always been there in the back of your head, like a toxic friend.

“So you don’t have a job,” Dr. Raynor repeated your own words back to you. “What’s your plan?” 

“My plan?” You asked.

“Yes. Your plan for your life. Did you ever dream of doing something specific with your life? Ever feel like you had a calling? Even if it was just a dream that you had when you were younger.”

“Um,” you blinked at her, trying to come up with any sort of answer. “I don’t have a plan. I’ve never really had one. I um,” you pointed your gaze down at the floor. “I never really thought I’d make it this far.”

“Can you elaborate on that?” She asked. You could feel Bucky’s eyes on you as you spoke. You didn’t wanna answer the question, didn’t wanna say out loud the things that had been in your head for so long. It made it real.

“I didn’t think I'd ever be this old. I never thought I’d be an adult. I thought one day I’d finally work up the courage-” you paused as your voice broke. “I thought I’d finally be brave enough to end it. I never thought about the future cause I was so sure I wouldn’t have one.”

“Y/N…” Bucky said your name, heavy sadness weighing in his voice.

Back at the tower, you headed straight for you room, just wanting to be alone. But the closing motion of the door was stopped by a vibranium arm.

“I’m not leaving you alone. Not after what you just admitted.” 

You looked at him and he really took in how broken you looked. You had lost weight and your eyes were only filled with sadness. You looked pale and all around not well.

“Bucky, please…” 

He took a step closer and wrapped his arms around you and you broke. Tears once again fell from your eyes, soaking his blue henley shirt. You were so weak, you couldn’t do this anymore. Bucky held you as you cried before picking you up and laying you on the bed. You continued to cry and he hugged you close, letting you cry for as long as you needed to.

“I don’t wanna be here anymore, Bucky,” you sobbed.

“Shhh, I know, I know. But I want you here, okay? I- I need you here. I don’t wanna live this life without you. It will get better. It will.”

“No it won’t! For my entire fucking life I’ve been trying to tell myself that. And it never fucking does! It never gets better!” 

Your words broke his heart. You were one of the most important people in his life. So important that he had even let himself start to fantasize about what it would be like if you loved him and the beautiful future you could have together. “Y/N, please. You’re not alone anymore, okay? All of those other times, you didn’t have what you have now. Tony loves you so much. You’re his daughter. He refers to you as his daughter, you know. And you have me. I’m never gonna go anywhere, okay? You can push me away, you can fight me on this as much as you want, but I am not leaving. I’m never leaving.”

You continued to cry in his arms until your body was so weak. He felt you grow more weak and tired by the second, pulling you in closer. “It’s okay. Rest, angel. I’m not leaving you. Get some sleep and I’ll be here when you wake up.” 

You eventually fell asleep in his strong arms. “I love you. I love you so much. Please don’t leave,” he whispered to your sleeping body. He knew you couldn’t hear him, but he needed to tell you anyway. He would always be there for you. He wouldn’t let anything happen to you.

hi!! this is kinda a weird question but ur post about characterization for french ccs is rlly helpful for writing, so i was wondering if u had any like . tips or advice about speaking patterns or like. common terms or phrases they use and stuff like that. i have a lot of issues with auditory processing and other hearing stuff that makes it like . hard for me to always understand speech patterns or just like . what people are actually saying so if u have any like . advice or info about like How They Talk that u could put in text or like specific that would be cool. no worries if u dont/cant btw i completely get it i just remembered that u were the one w the previous helpful post ::D

Yeah, no problem I could try ! :D Now keep in mind again I'm not necessarily an expert, and I'm just doing this because it's fun. I still might make some mistakes, and miss some important details, but 'Ill do my best. SO

Let's go for HOW DO THE FRENCH (and swiss) CCS TALK :

Let's start with

ETOILES : So I feel like it might be the easiest because he's the clearest to me. He tends to speak at a normal space and in english with a noticeable slighly french accent, but not an extreme one. He likes to crack jokes constantly when he speaks with other people (most of the time hyping up others, and self deprecating, you know the "You are a legend, I am dumb".) . He can drop pearls of wisdom randomly through ridiculous metaphors ("You don't need to worry, My name means stars, that means that when you look I'm here." "It's like crossing the road, you have to, and there is cars, you need to be careful, but it can't be all you focus on. Wait I'm not sure about that one...") and sometimes actually genuine and inspiring, but more often that not in the tone of discussion, it doesn't sound like he's dispensing "wisdom of the elders", he's just a humble guy talking with you and giving a random advice. He often says in french "Wow a flop" when something doesn't work. Or "c.s.c." (Contre Con Camp, a football term meaning scoring against your own team) when he comments on someone being a tryhard for example ("WOW such a tryhard (csc)"). He'll often makes the joke that nobody likes him when they don't answer in chat to himself, (or chat) and will directly tell them "You want me to die irl don't you?" ensues a myriad of "holy shit you want me to die for real" answered by the "NOO" of the other one. Two last details that came to me, he rarely actually answers by "no" or "yes", he often use "Yeh yeh yeh", or "no no no". He also uses a lot of "euuuuh..." when looking for his words when speaking.

AYPIERRE : He is fairly simple too. He has a very relaxed tone, speaks slightly slower than most people, and has slightly noticeable french accent but less so than others. His tone differenciate between three states : Focused (while building or infiltrating a base), relaxed, and humourous. Note that he's never fully serious, he has that constant gremlin energy and smile that makes him want to make jokes that will make everybody cringe (his favorite pastime.) The only time he's been serious and slightly upset was when he earned gegg died or when he learned that the federation was trying to replicate his wine (there you can see his priorities). Most of the time people are assuming the worst when it's his countless time he starts a conversation with "So, I did something..." and is the type of guy to say "*known illegal act* is a strong word, let's say it's more like *not necessarily better*". I don't follow him as much, so I currently have no other mannerism in mind.

BAGHERA : I feel like she is a bit harder to pin down. When speaking in english she has a very noticeable accent, especially when she is tired. And talks a bit fast, especially in french. Though she doesn't crack jokes constantly, she has a constant chaotic energy that makes her say random things at times. She often say "Oh Yeaaaah" when she is happy or hyped about something, mostly when she is with other people to show them she is happy too. When she is ashamed or not understanding something she likes to take a voice we call the "Antoine Croute" voice (a character she played in a Rp series on GTA V), it's high pitched and really shy. (imagine a little "wut... ?"). She can be really serious, especially when investigating. She almost nver express vocally, in tone at least, her anger. Instead she sounds incredibly cold, like she was with ElQuackity. Her voice when serious drops a bit, and she speaks a bit faster. There is probably plenty more but I'm starting to get tired.

ANTOINE : He is the hardest to me because it is even hard to pin down in french. He has most of the time a very serious tone, while he ironically constantly making either dark jokes based on irony and cynism OR a pun. Because of this, it's sometimes hard to pin what's a joke and what's serious. His accent alternates between horrible french accent OR almost ProPeR eNgliSH. Even when discussing absolutely batshit insane things he sounds serious (he is not in reality, but it's a form of humor in itself). OCCASIONALLY he'll break and cracks a smile, and sometimes, even the heartiest laugh you've ever heard, a very vocal and deep "AHAHAHAHA" that you can hear a mile away (but it happens rarely.) Though I didn't specify, most people, including the french, stutter at least a little bit, and search their words, (like I said for Etoiles' "euh".) but Antoine tends to have a very clear speech, only occasionally looking for a translation. In the same vein, he also has a very quick reaction and can answer with a pun almost instantly (very impressive, especially when it's not his native language.)

That's pretty much all I can think of right now, and I'm tired. Maybe it's not exactly what you asked, but it's what I can muster. Hopes that helped :D

His Agent

Summary: When the Avengers save a team of kidnapped S.H.I.E.L.D. Agents, they discover something new about their Captain.

A/N: I’ve been working on this fic for a little while and I’m proud of this idea/plot so I really hope you enjoy!

Masterlist

The first clue that something was off was the change in Natasha and Clint’s behavior. They could usually hide it, being master spies, but it became difficult to constantly put on a mask around the people you live with, people you saved the world with. Steve, Tony, Bruce, and Thor all noticed how the pair retreated into themselves like turtles would into their shells. They had always been reserved - Natasha especially - but it went to a deeper level now. They would talk in hushed whispers to each other, were always hunched over something, their backs to the rest of the team, and were distracted when it came to Avengers business. 

The next clue was when Director Fury postponed his meeting with the Avengers. Since establishing the initiative, he had made a point to have monthly meetings with the team to discuss any recent updates, missions and threats. Fury was adamant that these meetings were very crucial to the Avengers’ success, so to hear that he was pushing it back right as they were gathering around the conference table was a surprise. Still, not enough for them to think it might be related to Natasha and Clint’s behavior. Fury said the meeting would be in a few days, that was all. 

Then, things went from being off to being wrong. They all sat at the table, ready to see Fury’s face come up on screen, but he never appeared – Deputy Director Maria Hill did. 

“What happened?” Natasha asked almost immediately, not even letting Maria get a word in as she leaned forward in her chair. It was clear that she knew more than what she was letting on. 

“Director Fury cannot make it today, he’s dealing with a crucial issue, one that we hope we can call on you, Avengers, to help us with,” Hill said, her words flowing calmly, but there was still a spark of urgency, almost desperation, in her eyes. 

“What’s going on?” Steve asked, wearing a puzzled look. If S.H.I.E.L.D. was coming to them for help when they had the best agents around the globe, and the Director was attending to it, they must be in some sort of crisis. 

“A week ago, we lost contact with a six person team that had gone undercover to investigate an uprising organization who’s been trying to create their own superhumans. We received intel that they had been torturing people and creating illegal serums and devices for their superhuman projects. After being unable to contact any of them, we also found that none of their trackers were online,” Hill explained. 

“So you think their cover was blown?” Tony guessed. 

“We do, yes. We had a team scout the building the agents had gone undercover in a few days ago and found no sign of them. We think that they’ve moved them somewhere else,” Hill answered. 

“Who’s missing?” Bruce asked. 

A file flashed onto the screen, a list of names with pictures. Everyone leaned forward in their seats to get a better look, their eyes skimming the document. The sound of wheels rolling back caught their attention as Steve suddenly stood up, spun around on his heels and walked out of the room. The door slammed shut behind him.

“What the hell was that?” Clint asked, utterly confused - like everyone else. 

Hill sighed. “It may have something to do with one of the Agents on the list – Y/L/N. She helped Steve a lot after he came out of the ice, they were good friends,” she said. 

//

One, two. One, two. One, two. One, two. One, two. One, two. One– 

Steve panted as he stared down at the punching bag which clattered to the ground, sweat coating his raised biceps. 

“You know, if you really want to get your frustrations out, you should spar with someone,” a voice floated into his ear and Steve glanced up, only to see you lifting some weights. 

He straightened his arched back, dropping his arms. “Oh, yeah? How do you reckon that?” He asked, curious. 

You smirked. “You’re not the only one who’s broken the bag,” you said, shrugging. “Though, it took me a lot longer without the super strength.” 

Steve raised his eyebrows, wondering what got you so mad, but not commenting on it. Then, he couldn’t help but fix you with a confused gaze. 

“What?” You asked, still smiling at him. 

“You’re not, uh, gawking at me,” he said. 

You chuckled, asking, “Am I supposed to?” Before he could answer, you made a silly, dramatic jaw-dropped, eyes wide face, causing Steve’s laughter to mix with yours. 

“Ever since I woke up, everyone’s kinda been . . . gawking at me. Except for Director Fury, that is,” Steve said. 

“Well, I’ll admit, I kinda gawked at you at first when I heard about you . . . But I saw you one time, in the medbay . . . I don’t know how to explain it, ‘cause you weren’t just Captain America, you know? When I saw you, with all the blankets and the wires and stuff . . . I just thought about a guy who had been something traumatic. I thought about the Steve that your war buddies always described you as,” you said. 

From that day on, you were a light in Steve’s life. You two became fast friends and, at least on Steve’s part, his attraction for you grew exponentially, and you even spent some time with him at the Retreat. After joining the Avengers, he had been so busy that he hadn’t seen you and now . . . Your name was on a list of MIA Agents. 

He paced up and down the hallway outside the conference room, hand tangled in his hair. All logical and rational thoughts jumped out the window as panic seized his body, twisting his heart into a knot. His mind was filled with you: your name, your image, your memory. He couldn’t stop his thoughts from giving him horrible scenes of you being tortured or experimented on by these freaks. Hurt. Kidnapped. Scared.

The only way to get you back was to return to the conference room and face it, so that’s what he did. Thankfully, no one called out his abrupt departure, they were all focussed on Hill’s debrief. She was saying something about how she thought they were close to finding another base of the group’s, where they might have the captured agents, but could use Natasha’s hacking and cyber skills to decode their intel. She readily agreed. 

“Can you guys suit up and meet us at headquarters?” Maria asked, to which they all nodded. She ended the call and the Avengers all spurred into action, splitting up to change into their suits and arm themselves. 

On the way out, Natasha patted Steve’s arm. “We’ll save them,” she assured her friend, but he picked up on what she was really saying: “We’ll find Y/N.” 

// 

Steve realized pretty quickly, as he changed into his suit that if he wanted to get through this without falling apart, he’d have to switch to his Captain mode. He had to think strategically - they were saving a team of agents, not just you (even if you were the most important agent to him). He’d put Natasha, Clint, and Tony on fighting the kidnappers, Bruce would standby with the medical team in case they needed the Hulk, and Steve himself and Thor would recover the hostages. He also assumed they’d have S.H.I.E.L.D. agents to secure the base and to back them up. It was a solid plan, Steve told himself, and it was going to work. It had to work. 

When they got to S.H.I.E.L.D.’s headquarters, Steve relayed this plan to the team. Everyone was on board and now it was a waiting game as S.H.I.E.L.D. agents to crack the location. Steve was about to wear a hole into the floor with all the pacing he was doing, his heart hammering in his chest. Every second that passed felt like a decade. 

After the location was found, it was all a blur. Coordinating with the agents, talking with Hill and Fury, and getting to the base seemed to just all pass by. The moment he woke up was when he was entering the base alongside Thor, the agents and Avengers ahead of them to take care of their enemies.

“I can handle the rescue, Captain. You can focus on your agent,” Thor chimed in as they walked down the hallway, towards the cells they were told the hostages were in. 

Steve paused for a second to look at his friend. “Are-are you sure?” He asked – for once the mighty soldier was taken aback. He wanted nothing more than to devote all his attention to you, but he also knew he had a job to do as an Avenger and a leader. He owed it to all the hostages to give them his best self. 

“He has me, of course he’s sure,” Tony’s voice came from behind them as he approached. Steve could practically hear the snark in his voice (Tony Snark, he should be named, but he’d have to save that quip for another time). “They’ve got it handled up there so don’t worry, Cap.” 

Steve looked from him to Thor, who gave him an encouraging nod. “Okay,” he agreed, emitting an unspoken word of gratitude which both men received. For the first time in a long time, he felt a weight being lifted on his shoulders. For once, he got to abandon Captain America for a second and walk in there as Steve. For you. 

The three Avengers walked down the rest of the hallway and turned, finding a row of cells. Thor and Tony took charge, allowing for Steve to glance through all the cells until he found you. Finding you was what he wanted but the sight he was met with when he actually laid his eyes on you shattered him. The urge to vomit and also send every person responsible for this to hell hit him in one fell swoop. You were sitting, slumped back against a dirty metal pole that your wrists and ankles were chained to. You were still wearing your S.H.I.E.L.D. uniform, though it was dirtied, bloodied, and torn in places. So was your skin, Steve realized. He ached at knowing you went through pain. Your eyes were closed and Steve hoped to God that you were simply sleeping.  

Steve quickly bent to his knees and used his shield to break the chains, the harsh clang rousing you from your sleep. You mumbled something he couldn’t understand and he hushed you softly. “It’s alright, I’m here. It’s Steve, can you open your eyes?” He asked. 

It took you a couple tries, but eventually you got there. “S’ve?” You tried to say, struggling to talk. 

“Yep, it’s me,” he affirmed, feeling a pang at the fact that you could barely even speak. When he had thought about when he’d see you again, this was never in the realm of possibilities. “I’m getting you out of here.” 

True to his word, he hoisted you up in his arms. He had to put you over his shoulder like a Fireman’s carry in case there were any lingering enemies that escaped the team. Being upside down was surely uncomfortable for you, but he wouldn’t risk not being able to defend you. With long strides and quick glances, Steve got you out of there. 

Stepping outside into the world, he slowly lowered you down and maneuvered you into a princess carry, not going fast so as to not dizzy you. In the distance, he could see your other teammates getting loaded onto ambulances, with some of the Avengers assisting. 

“Hey, you with me?” Steve checked in, returning his attention to you. You were definitely out of it, eyes glazed over as you looked at him. You didn’t seem to really get what was going on, but you didn’t look panicked, so you must’ve known you were safe. With him. 

For a second - Steve was taken back. The tired look in your eyes reminded him of the aftermath of the first time the two of you had sparred together. 

“Are you sure you want to spar together, Y/N?” 

“What? You don’t think I can take you? Prepare to have your ass beat, Rogers!” 

With the super soldier serum running through his veins, it was actually you who had your ass beat by the blond man. You had probably known that would happen when you said it, too. Still, Steve needed to train and you were determined not to let his superior strength intimidate you like it had done with the other S.H.I.E.L.D. agents. Afterwards, you had insisted you were fine, but Steve knew that the many rounds you guys went through had exhausted you. He tried to apologize, but you refused to hear it. You knew what the terms were and you agreed to it - he won fair and square. You had fallen asleep on his shoulder that night, much like how you looked like you’d fall asleep in his arms now, and Steve swore in that moment that you were the most precious thing ever. 

“Steve,” you mumbled, blinking slowly at him like a cat. His heart thumped with such force in his chest - oh how he regretted drifting apart from you after he became an Avenger. 

“Hang on a little longer. We’ve gotta get you to S.H.I.E.L.D. medical,” he said, shifting you up a little higher in his arms before heading over to the ambulances. 

“S.H.I.E.L.D.?” You echoed grumpily, eyes half-closed. 

Steve bit back an amused chuckle at the way you scrunched up your nose. Truly like a cat (or a kitten, but he knew you’d raise hell if he called you that). You never much appreciated the medical agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.’s. You knew they meant well, but something about the whole thing made you uneasy. Steve was well aware of that and he thought about it as you walked. The Avengers had a pretty good medical facility . . . Not to mention, the thought of leaving you again and walking away like he had done with the Avengers felt like a knife twisting in his gut. He couldn’t do that. 

“Would you rather recover at the Avengers’ tower? I’m sure I can make the arrangements and I’ll, um, I’ll be around much more,” he offered, his eyes finding you again. He could never look away from you for too long. 

Steve was still a little nervous about this. You had every right to say no, to be mad at him for abandoning you. If you did make the decision to go to S.H.I.E.LD., he’d show up in your room with flowers as much as you’d let him, he decided. 

“Mhm,” you hummed, nestling your head against his bicep and closing your eyes. 

That was like music to his ears. He knew that things between you weren’t 100% back to normal, but this felt better than what he had ever expected. With a newfound purpose and his feelings for you blossoming, he marched towards the other Avengers to tell them about their new addition to the compound. 

Saw your comment abt having a long theory/headcanon abt Al and Vox's Alliance/friendship, so like, share with the class, I need to hear every single theory abt them, I'm so normal abt them

Well since you asked~: I think that they not only had an alliance but it was actually ALASTOR that formed it. I know a lot of people think Vox would be the one to approach Al, I don’t think that would work. Vox would either be a nobody or a newcomer at the time they would meet. Al is arrogant and likes to be in control of things. He wouldn’t hear out Vox. BUT other way around makes sense. Alastor could have used the reasoning of “I’m bored and wanna see if alliances are entertaining” or (my theory) “This guy’s power can boost my own and vice versa…plus, I don’t want to do all the boring Overlord paperwork.” Because if the whole “Alastor became an Overlord due to technicality” thing is still canon, then he wouldn’t have signed up for anything but his own goals. Vox was probably atleast kinda interested in Alastor and also saw the potential of teaming. They worked kinda well up until their individual flaws started to bother each other. And no, I don’t think the main reason was: Old vs New. I think it was the conflicts underneath that issue that led to them becoming enemies. Actual conflicts: 1) Alastor is a mysterious loner who likes to keep things close to chest and Vox literally has cameras everywhere and wants to be on top of everything going on. Including with what his business partners are doing. 2) Alastor is arrogant and hates change, especially changing things for others (“People don’t like my radio shows? Don’t care! I do it for myself and those that do like it”) and Vox constantly needing attention and validation due to his own insecurity (“I’m losing viewers?! Quick, what trending right now? Or how can I improve this to be better?”). And finally 3) They both have tempers and think they’re usually in the right.

This also makes me think that it had to be Vox’s fault (Kinda) for the ‘breakup’. Alastor has been shown to be too stubborn to admit when he’s wrong and too tolerant of people doing things he shouldn’t tolerate just because they either get on his good side or are useful to him (*cough* Mimzy *cough*). So he probably would tolerate (to a degree) Vox’s constant need for attention and validation and constant push for fame and change. But, Al also has strict lines in the sand he won’t stand and when they’re crossed he snaps VERY aggressively (Husk touching a secretive matter when he is already pissed off in that hallway scene). So I can easily see Vox ‘improving’ (completely modernizing it or just putting things in there without permission) Alastor’s radio station as being enough to make Al destroy their alliance for good and make Vox look really bad. And this would also explain how the other Overlords see the Vees. Vox got a seat on their table by being buddy buddy with one of the most feared and THE most unpredictable Overlord. But if their partnership failing was seen as Alastor deeming the newcomer as a failure then the other Overlords would see Vox and the other Vees in a similar negative way (“Smug wannabes, who don’t heed when they’ve been warned!” -Carmilla). Because despite Zestiel questioning Alastor and Carmilla’s snide remark, they still treat Alastor (Guy who disappeared for 7 YEARS and hasn’t been doing much after killing other OVERLORDS they probably knew for a longer time) with a lot of respect. Zestiel still gives him proper greetings and more respectfully talks to him versus how he talks to Velvette. And Carmilla, still does welcome him back. He literally sits near the oldest out of all of them and the leader of the meeting. VS Carmilla acting like the Vees were either expected not to show or weren’t even invited. Zestiel rudely interrupting Vel while she’s talking, to point out how she’s wrong without letting her finish. And again, Vel seems to assume the end of the table is for her, as if the Vees are usually seated at the very last spot available. And the Vees have been around for those 7 years gaining more power. Almost like the old-timers once gave the newcomers a chance at the table but they ruined it for themselves. (*cough* one of the most powerful and vicious overlords in a group took one of you under his wing and you somehow ended up destroying that powerful alliance and replacing it with a loud pimp and a rude brat. *cough*)

SO…That my Ted-Talk. I basically do think Al and Vox were a famously good alliance at one point amongst the Overlords but when their flaws got on each other’s nerves and they ‘broke up’ (professionally/platonically), even the other Overlords simply around the two started to pick sides. I.E: Old-timers seeing the arrogance and foolishness of the young blood vs The Vees seeing a bunch of pompous fossils refusing to change for the better.

P.S. This makes me REALLY curious about Miss Zeezi since she obviously is from a more modern era (70s or 90s). Did she somehow get on the Vees bad side and that made the old-timers like her or something? Or did one of the Old guys do what Al and Vox did but make it work this time?

i've been debating what to do with deidara in reborn au, because i need to give him more but also i don't want to just repeat beats from homemade dynamite

so i was thinking: well, obviously he's doing something with art. and in homemade dynamite, his thing with art is that he's trying to carve his way to true artistic freedom. being a missing-nin means people will always be trying to hunt him down, but being in konoha means he has to dodge around rules and limitations. so his deal with itachi is that itachi will help him leave konoha in a legit way where he's not constantly fighting off hunter-nin, but until then he's trying to figure out what he can do within the village. i could totally give him the exact same goal in mutagenicity, and i don't really have anything against rehashing the same plots/headcanons (look at my 17 AUs about genin karin being kidnapped for her own good), but this doesn't really appeal to me.

then i thought: what if it' the opposite? what if deidara is like, "i want to experiment with a technique that will blow up a whole village" and minato is like, "rad, give me a couple days to find you a space. what do you need?" deidara blows up a bandit's head and kushina tells him she likes his art. they both go :/ at him when he damages village property but then their reactions are "oh, so you need a better outlet.... here, i can find you a mission--"

i think this would actually drive deidara insane in a way he wouldn't even know how to recognize. tori gets paranoid about having supportive mentors because in her past "sudden interest from the boss" means "boss might vivisect you" or "boss might decide you know too much and should die/do something insane." deidara just straight up doesn't know what to do with support. his art (in this au) was crafted as very reactionary-- his interest is in ripping apart the status quo and showing people nothing can last forever and they don't have as much control over deidara the world as they think. it's about disrupting structures and authority. what the FUCK is he supposed to do with actual support???

but also i don't think deidara has fully recognized his antiauthoritarianism as a motivator in his art because he's never been in a situation where it was absent. so when he suddenly doesn't have real issues with the biggest authorities in his life, he losses inspiration, and he doesn't know why.

and then he thinks about leaving konoha because clearly something about it is fucking with his head but, actually, kushina fills out forms to get him free clay and lets him pick missions where he gets to blow stuff up and minato lets him have a training ground to do whatever he wants, and he has his own bed and isn't living as a feral forest child, and he would be insane to leave.

so maybe we DO let tori have a C-rank go wrong because sasori interferes and she comes home and tells deidara about it and he loses his mind. he wants to see sasori because he needs another artist. he needs advice. how fucking dare sasori go after tori.

tori, trying to de-escalate: well i think he only talked to me because i was at the border and there was only one other person with me. it was just more convenient

deidara: YOU'RE NOT EVEN AN ARTIST

anyway maybe we then KEEP team 4 having a c rank go hilariously wrong because deidara gets a whiff sasori is in the area and runs off. other things go wrong that don't have anything to do with sasori but because deidara has involved him, the things are now also going wrong AT sasori

sasori: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING

deidara: DANNAAAAA I'M HAVING AN ART BLOOOOOCK

and sasori tells him he's stupid and immature and deidara from then forward has to do some serious Self Reflection to figure out his ~art~. and he keeps looking up sasori even though sasori toLD HIM TO LEAVE HIM ALONE

kushina post mission: yeah wheat village tried to make a move for the sharingan but we managed it. sasori of the red sand was.... there....? idek he didn't really help but also he didn't NOT help

minato: what the hell is wheat village

kushina: doesn't matter because it doesn't exist anymore

also im playing with the idea of a deidara-minato vaguely student-mentor relationship (not for technique stuff, per se, but life/career stuff) because Jokes About Being His Bastard Son and also i like the idea of iwa's boogeyman helping iwa's #1 missing-nin

OMG could u write Alejandro when reader gets shot during battle/a mission? (headcanons).

Just angst angst angst with fluffff.

I love alejandro sm, Im living from crumbs of the same fics bc nobody writes neww oness😭😭😭💀💀.

i don't think this is my best, and I'm not very good at angst, but I still loved writing it and I'm sorry it turned into a drabble instead of headcanons, I got carried away 😭 (also sorry again if the spanish is incorrect, i dont trust google translate)

♡You and Alejandro don't get along. It's well known across 141, Los Vaqueros, anyone who sees you two work together.

♡You're constantly bickering, (Soap calls it flirting but you're quick to shut him up), even going as far as insulting each other when you're really low.

♡The issue is you're too similar, too snarky, too confident. You can only one up each other so many times before something breaks. No one can decide if they want it to break though.

The team is holed up in a small home on the edge of town, regrouping and planning the next move and Alejandro is trying to talk to you, but you keep rejecting all of his attempts, and you both know now isn't the time but something finally snaps.

And then he's yelling that "You're being stupid, and you need to listen to me, I know what I'm talking about-"

And you shout back with a low blow, "Of course you know everything, you could fit an entire encyclopedia in that big head of yours-"

His mouth snaps shut, teeth clicking together, and Soap barks out a laugh behind you, and Ghost finally steps in, moving up to you with a loud "Enough!"

And then, the window across from you shatters, and you feel the shot before you hear it.

You're thrown back into the wall, searing pain shooting through your shoulder, down your spine. The air is knocked from your lungs.

It's chaos, panic, Alejandro grabs you and pulls you across the room with him, away from the windows.

You can't swallow the spit in your mouth, you can't think. You just watch as the team huddles around you, Ghost shouting commands and you don't know if he said 'Get up and move' or 'Fuck we're screwed', it's all the same.

Alejandro is pressing his hands against your shoulder, you grit your teeth and dig your nails into his wrist. He takes it and keeps talking to you, telling you to keep your eyes open and on him, look at him, and you do and everything feels different like this. He's so different like this. You can see the panic in his eyes and you feel like you're suffocating against him, clinging to his arms.

He let's you, in fact, he pulls you closer, grasping your face in his hand. "Look at me, cariño, I'm going to get you out of here." It's so gentle, like you'd never seen him before.

You blink, and you're in a stark white room, sunlight peeking through cheap polyester curtains and everything smells like sterile cleaning products and it makes you nauseous.

He's been waiting for you, in the med bay, he doesn't want you to wake up alone. While he's sitting or pacing, he thinks of how things could have been different. If instead of berating you for being stubborn, he had complimented you on your willpower. Or instead of pushing you aside in missions, he had told you he couldn't stand the thought of you getting hurt. So many things he could have done differently, and now he's here, waiting for you to wake up so he can explain himself.

And you do, and when you roll your head to the side and see him your face visibly relaxes, and a wave of relief washes over him.

You're not angry at least, that's all he could ask for.

Alejandro slides his chair closer to the bed and brushes strands of hair from your eyes, trying to think of where to start. You look tired, your lips are chapped and your hair is a mess, but he thinks you still look so beautiful now that you're awake.

"Me asustaste, cariño." He huffs out a laugh at the bewildered expression on your face, sliding his fingers down to touch your jaw.

"I scared you? Alejandro, I thought my last words were going to be telling you you have a fat head."

You join him in laughing, your voice shaky, and he leans in to press his forehead to yours, sharing a breath.

"All is forgiven, as long as you don't try to leave me again." He sighs into you, feeling you nod against him.

Things are definitely different now, but it's not a bad thing.

Oplita ask meme: 3, 13, 22, 25, 27, 34. Go wild, and I hope you feel better.

I am feeling better today thanks 😊

3) Elita initiates PDA more. She knows he’s a Prime and he needs to keep up ✨appearances✨ but sometimes she can’t help it! She’ll rub up against him or huh his arm. Optimus is not going to stop her, no matter how much Ratchet scolds them about it. Op will only really initiate hand holding. He’ll stand next to her until she grabs his hand instinctively.

13) I feel like Optimus likes to ask her if she’d like to go on a cruise with him. He’ll usually ask the night before so they can go early in the morning, before the sunrise. They talk on their coms while driving, enjoying the nice morning breeze and morning sun, usually Optimus has a place he’d like to show her, so where pretty or interesting he found. He gets excited when she gets to explore somewhere new. If Op is really really wants to make it special he probably goes there ahead of time to make it extra special. Elite’s breath is taken away, Op let’s on more charm than he lets on.

When they finally get back to base everyone is barely waking up (Except ratchet). Op is getting extra loved on.

Elita wants to out due him with date ideas but all she’s got is a relaxing day in the hab. Optimus is more than happy with this.

22) Elita give him words of affirmation. Always telling how good he is and stuff to get his confidence up. Her love language is also physical touch, as stated before she’s all over him.

Optimus love language is acts of love. If there is something he can do for her he’ll do it. Often times op will do the chores that were assigned to her around base. Yeah it not fair, but the more time she has the more time she has to spend with him. That also falls into his other love language, spending time with her. Quality time with the ones he loves is the most important thing to him. They are in a war and realistically he doesn’t know how much time he has.

25) “what’s there not to love?” -Elita.

Physically speaking, I mean he big. Big all over 🤭. But seriously tho, he’s kind and makes her feel safe. He is shy and you wouldn’t expect that if you barely met the guy. Especially cause he comes off as intimidating at first (she found it sexy.) but the goes away with the more time you spend with him and the team. He’s loving to a fault and cares a lot, though little bit too much overthinking. She likes how he treats the ones around him his faction having more of a family dynamic. They follow him out of respect and not not out of fear. He spends time with his team and tries to go the extra distance to show he cares. He’s a diff ent kind of prime for sure. He’s got his issues but his dedication to trying better himself is well… incredible attractive.

Optimus knew exactly who she was when he first saw Elita. It’s his old fling Ariel from his time of being Orion pax. They were going steady until he became a prime. Then it was like she disappeared and he could never seem to seek her out again. Time has not betrayed her. She’s still beautiful, more so now. Despite everything she never lost her spark or her wit. But she’s gained her skill as warriors. She incredibly strong and not someone you want to throw down with.

“Yes, incredible is the best word to describe her.” -Prime

The love she has shown him has been more than he thinks he deserves. Always touching him, it makes him feel like he’s floating. He’s glad they were able to reconnect.

27) “We’re not CRAZY!! Only the bedroom will do.” -Elita. She seems to frequently forget they have done it during their little dates. Almost every time.

34) things get scary and real often. Almost dying, getting hurt, the rest of the team getting hurt. Lucky Optimus hasn’t had to deal with Elita getting injured badly, yet. But Optimus is a magnetic for getting gravely injured or gored. Dating a prime is… uhh let’s just say very emotionally draining. Seeing him like that constantly is the worst. And Elita is is usually helpless to do anything, she is near by making sure not to get in the way of Ratchet. Bumblebee is the one that steps in to comfort Elita. The rest of the team does their best to comfort her too but Bumblebee will not leave her side. When she’s aloud to she won’t leave his side either. Ratchet will ask her to get things for him like an extra energon run, just to give her something to do.

Once Op is recovering and doing better she’s very quiet. It is very noticeable because she’s a chatterbox. Optimus can’t do much but apologize and try to be more careful next time. She’ll get over her grief but it doesn’t hurt less the next time it happens.

BENGIYO'S Send Me a Ship and I'll Share My Thoughts

Just saw your reply to the Ask about Akk and Ayan from The Eclipse and it was such a good read! (I've only been on Tumblr sporadically these past few weeks because of work, and it pains me I've missed so much good stuff.) 😔

Anyway, this got me thinking about Only Friends. I liked some bits but on the overall it disappointed me. I could ask about any ship in there, but let's focus on one: what do you think about TopMew?

Apologies if this has already been Asked; do point me to it if it has! 🤩

Hello, good sir! I'm always honored when you take the time to reach out. I'll try to be thorough for your sake.

Just like with the last ask, I am putting a disclaimer here for the FB girlies, I am talking about Mew and Top as characters.

I think Top is a poorly-written character because the show never decided what they exactly wanted him to be, and this is best shown when Boeing returns. Boeing wants Mew to team up with him to fuck with Top, but we never get what Boeing wanted and what Top wants between either of them.

The show intentionally keeps Top enigmatic the entire time. We don't know if he's serious about the sleeping thing until the fire scene in the end. We all thought he was getting high at one point. So much of what's wrong with Top is wrapped up in what's going on with what Mew wants, and because Mew is also a difficult character to read we are never certain what the deal is with them.

All we really seem to understand about Mew is that he is a status chaser. His primary reason for being with Top seems to be the prestige that comes with having Top want to be with him, or how Top stepping out on him embarrasses him. In fact, the strongest actions Mew takes in the entire show are about punishing Boston or punishing Top. He can't even fully-commit to that. He gets bored and tired of it it, and then just decides to be with Top.

I just really don't get Mew by the end. What is the source of his beef with Boston? This child was raised by lesbians, so why does he have such hangups around purity? Why does he care so much about his perceived status when we know he wants to get fucked by pretty boys so bad that we end on a tag of him looking at Mix?

A good comparison for my issues with Top and Mew can be found in La Pluie with Saengtai and Phat. We understand the core of Saengtai's issues. He is a selfish reader of romantic fiction and virgin, who's punishing his rain-mate because his parents got a divorce. The fact that we know so little about Phat works in this story because we know what we need: he's a kind man who is doing everything he can to show Saengtai that he is willing to make a relationship work because he thinks Saengtai is worth it.

On the other hand, OF constantly asks us to question the motives of Top, and so by being so nonspecific about Mew and properly interrogating him as a character, we're asked to just make it up. When they go for the most dramatic stuff, such as kicking Boston and fighting in the pool, seducing Drake and his ears and eyebrows to lord over Boston, punching Ray out in a bar to later embarrass Top right before sex, smirking over Boston's issues with Atom, and then finally telling Boston to go fuck himself....What is the core of this? Why is he the leader of this group?

I don't get Mew, honestly. I think he is a wobbly character. Book is very pretty. He plays the virgin well. Force has a great face, and he plays a douche-who-might-not-want-to-be really well. I don't think these guys' characters are written on a solid base and so their characters never landed for me.

So yeah, I really don't like Mew, and I don't think Top feels real enough to have firm feelings about him. I can construct a version of them in my mind as that pair that's always fighting but won't break up. I can imagine that Top was serious about wanting to settle down and seeing real potential in the idea of Mew, but that's just me fanwanking. I don't think the show gave me enough solid emotional beats for me to connect anything real to them.

Send Me a Ship And I'll Share My Thoughts

the knight class & its connotations

"the active exploit class, the knight’s job is to “protect their aspect or to protect with their aspect”. they will often end up protecting their allies who lack in the knights own aspect, and these protective tendencies are why they are often seen helping with frog breeding. typically, they are also protectors of the aspect itself, making sure it cant be destroyed in the session. all this protecting makes the knight's challenge learning other's capability in their aspect, growing to know that they are capable themselves."

knights arent as self-introspective as other active classes. lets compare it to a mage & a maid. aradia, maid of time, was busy visiting and "cleaning up" centuries worth of doomed timelines. as a play on words she was made of time, and very connected to her own aspect in that sense. sollux, mage of doom, knew a lot about sgrub (aka the game that would bring their doom) and although like a typical mage he had emotionally dealt with this dread, he still worked hard to split the trolls into teams and start their game, being very active and kind of confident in/with his abundant knowledge of his aspect.

another very strong contrast to a knight is a thief, one of the most self-serving active classes. vriska, thief of light, stole ideas and knowledge for herself. a thief's challenge is literally learning to share their aspect with others! overall, they are the most possesive of their own aspect and using it on/for themselves.

but when it comes to knights, they can be at a loss for how to use their own aspect on themselves. because like a real knight, they serve their aspect. this serving is done through harnessing their aspect as a weapon, and protecting allies either with that aspect or just protecting allies who lack in that aspect. because of all this self-righteousness and sense of protecting and serving, knights are at a loss for how to connect their aspect to themselves. after all, if you only weaponize your aspect how could you use a weapon on yourself?

a great example of a knight is karkat vantas, knight of blood. blood is representing of relationships, bonds, connections with other people, and sometimes just the blood in your body. physically, karkat is assumingly the weakest troll, a mutant in blood. but his vast knowledge in quadrants and overall with his servitude to his friendships, he protects the bonds he has with his friends and takes great care to them, keeping the group of trolls away from any heavy conflict in sgrub. this attitude to blood also makes him a great leader, able to easily rally even the most uncooperative of his friends and leading them to defeating the black king. but he wasnt very good at reflecting these bonds on himself. karkat often dealt with self-esteem issues and viewing himself as the most physically weak, and this is because of the very blood in his body. he hasn't accepted his own worth in his friendships or on the hemocaste of alternia. so as a result, he hides his blood color and his worth to his own aspect.

another example is dave strider, knight of time. he actively served through time, constantly going through and making stable time loops and overall increasing/exploiting the mechanical (time-related word!!) efficiency of sburb. but a negative aspect on time can be how dave used its "mechanical" attributes in other ways. this was through the emasculating but abusive outlook he was raised on. overall dave had a very rigid childhood, and tries to keep up an almost mechanical stoic outlook because of this.

one of the knights i really wish we got more of was latula pyrope, knight of mind. compared to the previous knights there's practically nothing we can take from her that isn't in the openbound segments. i assume she could have been strategically (mind-related word) helpful throughout the alpha trolls' session, serving the logic of her friend's and logic itself. but she also is seemingly concealing a deeper part of herself. this is shown when latula and porrim meet in openbound, and when porrim tells her to "drop the skater act", she immediately does and starts talking in a more relaxed way. it's obvious latula keeps this over-the-top front to somehow maintain a sort of strategy. overall i just really wish we got more of the alpha trolls somehow T_T!!!

thanks sm for reading!!

please PLEASE do go on about how autistic Hunter is. As a probably-neurotypical person I love to learn more about neurodiversity from people firsthand rather than textbooks it's so cool, plus media diversity rep is something so important, I did a whole project about it actually

OKAY, BET

he's just...... soooo autistic-coded, like there's NO way he's neurotypical lmao (there are of course some things that he does that can also come from his PTSD or his upbringing/growing up conditions rather than autism (or just both! since they might overlap) but there's just.. SO much stuff that's strictly autistic that like........ it's canon. canon to me.)

like, how dramatic he is at times? the entire hexside scene???

the moment where he comes up to that one random kid like "CLASSMATE. ignore the fact that we'd never met, how would you say abt [gets straight to the point where he tells him to join a coven and leave his friends and family forever in an overconfident cheerful manner]" LIKE THAT'S SOOO XKSJKSK the manner in which he said it, the way he just came up to that random person outta the blue, how he got straight to the point, like COME ON

and THIS????

"teens are probably into the same things as me! like authority. and rules!" BRO........

also how expressive his face is (especially how expressive it is for some emotions and schooled/subtle for certain others)

oftentimes his choice of words and the specific intonation in which he says stuff???? 💀 "stop acting foolish" "it will take more than that to thwart my mission" "that's sacrilege" okay grandpa let's get you to bed nxsjksk BUT LIKE. NO, EVEN THE INTONATION he uses in very casual sentences, it's very...... yeah

how much he likes to share fun facts and talk abt stuff he knows abt and is interested in (wild magic, titan's veins/eclipse lake, mindscapes...)? and how he sometimes stops himself mid-sentence before he says too much? that could definitely be interpreted as info-dumping and special interests

how much he loves research in general? i just KNOW he loves knowing stuff and reading up on stuff and memorizing cool fun facts (him immediately reading all the grimwalker books he could find after finding out that's what he is- like obviously he did that, obviously he wanted to know what he is. but also just..... it's so, so very huntercore)

taking things literally.. wanting clearer/more direct instructions on stuff......

“i don’t feel sick” 💀

him just turning around and walking away with no word right away after willow introduced the rest of the team

him not realizing emerald entrails rly didn't want to join the emperor's coven and not realizing he did sth wrong until later, when he noticed willow was upset

THE FREAKING. DELETED SCENE FROM CLOUDS ON THE HORIZON in which he automaticaly moved to climb the vines onto amity's balcony along with luz and didn't get why luz could possibly wanna be alone with amity before willow and gus stopped him. willow and gus saying "you'll understand when you're older" and then him arguing with flapjack how he IS older, JUST. LMAO....

the whole description of him as this...... “prodigy” and everything related to that (not necessarily a positive thing, considering how he was treated and described as by many adults)? the little intricacies of it.... hm

him being kinda bad at lying and making up stuff

and even his stance sometimes???? boy

and not just THIS one, but. many many different poses in which he stands sometimes. very hmmm hm

how direct he is?

also this is a headcanon/interpretation but him constantly wearing gloves? and him saying "why are you touching it [the selkidomus] with your hands? gross"? sensory issues. so real.

also the sounds he makes and his squeaks???? how he sometimes fidgets with his hands/thumbs?

and MORE, like there are also many many moments that can be interpreted as other autistic traits or behaviours, just. ALL OF IT.

the crew did say that they've written neurodivergence into the show and into who these characters are intentionally, even if they might not be aware of some terms or labels at times, so like... i’m 100% certain hunter’s purposely written to be neurodivergent. and i’m gonna be very surprised if not specifically autistic (+ ptsd ofc)

he just... is.

anyway...

BAU guys + Love Languages (Pt1)

According to Dr. Gary Chapman, there're 5 main ways in which we show and receive love. These are some head canons on the love languages I think apply to each BAU guys. Are you compatible? My ask is always open if you want to share your thoughts and hcs with me! If you want to find out your love language you can take a free test here!

Spencer Reid

Giving: Spencer definitely shows love through acts of services. He's the type of partner/friend that will help you with a chore or offer to do it for you. He's a "fixer" even if sometimes he doesn't understand what that means. As a friend, he'll constantly notice if you're struggling with a task and offer a solution. As a romantic partner, he'll always be ontop of your needs, physical and emotional, to make sure that they are being solved.

When communication is not good, he might come across as insensitive, sometimes you just want to vent and be heard. He might seem like he wants to one-up you or show you that he could solve the problem faster, but that's not his intention. He wants you to be well again, as quickly as he can make it happen.

Receiving: Words of affirmation is how he understands you love him. Thanks to his autistic tendencies/neurodivergent coding he has trouble understanding social cues and underlying messages. You have to be forward with him about everything you do, no matter how fast he can pick up on your mood, if you don't tell him what's wrong, he won't be able to tell.

If you're not able to communicate properly, he might feel unwanted and pushed away. Simple expressions such as "you did good" "thank you so much for helping me" "I appreciate your input on my work/issues" can be very fulfilling for him. He needs to be reminded of what he does well so he can continue doing it, even if he himself doesn't verbalize his feelings a lot. Physical touch and quality time are his least present languages.

Aaron Hotchner

Giving: Hotch mentions time and again how he tries his best to provide both the team and his family his undivided attention. Doesn't this sound just like quality time? His job might take him away for weeks at a time, sure, but it's his whole and complete intention to give you every second he has destined for you without any interruptions.

Because of the line of duty, this can be complicated, sometimes making you feel as if you come last. Even when his love language is in conflict with his line of work, once he's not working, it's all about you and his loved ones. Listening to hours of your rambling, not even looking at his phone (if it's not an emergency), watching an entire movie without falling asleep. When you're with him, he's there, he's present in every way.

His guilt and regret from being away can sometimes add a bit of gift giving to the love language, but even if he shows up with a bouqué of flowers, remember that's only a token, he's there for you and nothing but you.

Receiving: In the same way he makes all the effort to be there, he expects you to be there with him. If you start looking at your phone or pioritizing time with others over time with him, he will feel unhappy and unloved, it’s all about the quality time. Receiving gifts and physical touch don't go a very long way with him, so if you are making him feel unloved you will have to find another way to remind him. This doesn't mean he doesn't enjoy cuddles and gifts every now and then.

Words of affirmation can also be a good way to communicate your love for him, but it's only a support language for quality time. Having dinner without looking at the time, doing a puzzle together, cooperating to help Jack with his homework, those are the moments his heart feels the fullest.

Derek Morgan

Giving: This man will shower you with so many words of affirmation and compliments you might feel like suffocating at times. He will praise you and let you know how adored, cared for, and desired you are. Mix it up with a bit of gift giving, and you've got that attentive boyfriend. Communication is key, because you might run into some trouble if you can't agree exactly on what a praise is. He can run his mouth, and sometimes he says stuff that, even if it's not ill intentioned, might come out as harsh and judgemental.

If you struggle with your self-perception, at times it might feel like he's lying to you or trying to deceive you for an specific purpose. Remind yourself that Derek Morgan is one of the most honest men to ever exist, and he would never say a word he didn't mean (as long as he isn't angry!).

Receiving: This PDA king needs his share of lovin', physical touch is how you can remind him he's the man of your dreams. Holding his hand, touching his shoulder, kissing him in public. He loves being displayed as your man, he loves feeling the electricity generated by your skin when it touches his. If you struggle with physical touch, he might come to think you don't desire him. You'd have to be open about your feelings towards the gestures, and come up with some rules, maybe you don't initiate the contact but try your best to not reject them.

During intimate times, it's very relevant that you initiate contact every once in a while, otherwise he might feel the relationship is one-sided. If you're unable to provide the touch he needs, at least make sure you give him quality time, when you're with him, it should only be about the two of you. This is only a supplement, but it will remind him of your care for him. The least understanble love languages for this man are acts of service and receiving gifts. He can do and buy things for himself, thank you very much.

did you know that negaduck from darkwing duck was based off reverse-flash? yeah, that doesnt even BEGIN to describe what's actually been going on between their character histories..

first, negaduck wasnt just inspired by or a reverse-flash parody. he's a literal copy-paste of silver age thawne with a very few changes of origin place from future to parallel universe and identity from some random future guy to main hero's evil twin, because originally eobard was fixated on being a Criminal and not particularly flash's nemesis. back in the day, thawne constantly mentions how much he loves his criminal life. half of his lines are negaduck-worthy purely because the rest is related to being a speedster scientist. my personal favorite as an example:

he passes the speed limit law in central city so that barry couldnt use superspeed without breaking it but thawne still could because he is 'a hardened criminal'. he invents rays that turn everything inflicted evil (something even negaduck has never done (ig solely because megavolt's already done it in the negaduck episode where he accidentally splits darkwing into good dw (posiduck) and bad dw(negaduck, with a black and gray color scheme), and while yellow negaduck is a different character this is basically how the idea of him was born and the writers just decided to keep him in a different form bc the gray one merged back into normal dw at the end which is super funny. imagine coming up with a duck villain and going 'oh this guy actually reminds me a lot of reverse-flash with all that opposite/negative thing. LET'S PAINT HIM IN THOSE COLORS AND GIVE HIM THE SAME PERSONALITY AND SIMILAR ORIGIN THIS TIME'), altho he DOES test the power gem on a cat in jail bird like thawne did with evil rays). he repeatedly tries to get poor former dr alchemy back to crime just because 'crime fun. why cant you see that. im doing it for your own good' and negaduck tried something like that with morgana in feb 14th episode my valentine ghoul (+that brief scene with gos from 2016 comics run where he believes she must be bad deep down inside out of comparsion to nega!gosalyn). negaduck also travels from a whole other world just to fuck around here for fun (there was this bronze age flash issue called flashback where thawne gets lost in the timestream because barry pushed the wrong buttons in his time capsule which is almost exact negaduck's fate in life, the negaverse and everything) and one of another few differences related is that negaduck is shown to be a dictator of his universe's St. Canard who is bored to live somewhere he already has all the power so he travels to another universe to cause problems on purpose.

second. dc's new52. eobard is rewritten again, now he and zoom are kind of one character. but guess what else is new in this version that never happend neither in zoom or professor zoom's lives? thawne is a fucking dictator in his own time. and people tried to fight his rule in flash's name just like friendly four needed darkwing as inspiration to finally fight back for their world.

he gets his own team, acolytes of zoom (i wish i could call them local fearsome 4 but there are 5 of them, making it more of a sinister 6 if you count thawne) which he trains for centuries to fight the flash and betrays later by trying to steal their powers just like negaduck stole f4's in jail bird to become mega-negaduck and if all that wasnt enough, without the mask he straight up looks like negaduck humanization. look at him. this mf is only missing a hat and a cape.

also these sudden black parts in his new speedster suit design? either it is some absolute fucking bonkers of a coincidence or someone on the flash writing team really went 'hey guys you know what would be real funny? lets base new thawne off negaduck. like he was originally based off thawne. i swear no one will notice' and everyone went with that. (i could also mention he has the same dumb motivation for being evil (having shitty childhood/being deep down sad about mistreatment and loneliness) as 2011 dwd comics run negaduck but imo that's too far of a stretch to actually be included)

third. yall know the deal of the first season of cw's the flash? yeah, what if i told you the whole thawne messes with the particle accelerator and causes barry to gain superspeed thing already fucking happend in darkwing duck, episode going nowhere fast?

(the way i lost my mind over this back in the day when i decided to watch dwd just because negaduck reminded me of thawne(i didnt even know he was a direct rip-off, i just went 'oh wait dt universe has this evil fuck that wears the same color scheme as reverse-flash? girl i AM checking the whole thing out just to see if he's anything like thawne'.) and first watched the episode... priceless, still haunts me to this very day. how the hell was that written in 1991. did cw writers just take the idea from dwd too. honestly i cant be sure about anything anymore).

and remember in the duck knight returns (2011 comics run arc) flashbacks there was a super funny thing with negaduck not knowing dw's secret identity and being so proud he cracked the case? remember cw!og!thawne looking for flash's time period and not knowing his identity in 2nd season cameo episode? what the hell was even up with that!!! like guys. guys one of you is the most devoted flash fan from the future and there is NO way none of that kind of information was left a CENTURY after (i mean come on dude couldntve you just asked gideon. she literally had that 2024 newspaper about vanishing and thats at the very least not mentioning she was created by barry) and another is straight up the same fucking person as the hero with the same fucking relatives and enemies. idk take a wild guess??? ((i really wonder if anybody on the wirting team of 2011 dwd run saw not just life, the negaverse and everything but any episode featuring negaduck at all. not only do they ignore the existence of nega!gos in the 'oh he mean bc alone :(' approach, they ignore the very definition of negaduck's character which is literally evil drake mallard. i mean sure hes dumb and may miss obvious clues because of being the same dw just evil but come on, such a comedic situation and never addressed by drake whos literally been in the negaverse and knows they are the same person or by anyone else he coluldve told that? oh well unless drake is also dumb af and thought there never was any drake mallard in the negaverse in the first place and that negaduck is some other guy. which is a real probability i suppose))

also. negaduck's death by being split on billions of evil particles in crisis on infinite darkwings and thawne, being 'exorcised' from nash's body in a form of a negative speed force stream with sparks in 6x15 of cw's the flash.

fourth! yall did watch ducktales 2017 reboot, right? specifically the duck knight returns episode? they introduce a whole new version of negaduck there! and guess what. jim starling, an old darkwing duck (in-universe 90s tv series) actor obsessed with his role, goes fucking nuts because there is a new darkwing duck actor in a new movie and he didnt even know. because he feels forgotten. because no one remembers neither him nor original series (objectievely not true bc obviously launchpad and drake but to jim they just dont count bc reasons. he seems to count only children but calls lp his fan when anthagonizes drake for taking even that from him in the end). because he was replaced and no one even bothered to tell him. he causes a fire on the set, almost kills drake but does have a change of heart at the end after launchpad's speech about what darkwing duck stands for and seemingly sacrifices himself to save drake and lp from the explosion. then they have the worst idea they could have in relation to jim's character ever: for drake to be a real life darkwing duck to honor jim's sacrifice. so naturally he hears that from the sewers or wherever he was hiding to see their reactions(look i am. 100% sure that this is what happened bc that makes so much more sense than jim getting brain damage or whatever from that explosion and waking up to choose violence again for no other reason). he gets hit with the being replacable and forgotten thing once again and renders back to negaduck tendencies, for all we know for good this time as his darkwing suit changes to the yellow-red one. yk who else went on a rampage because he felt forgotten and replaced? you guessed it! the return of barry allen, a 90s classic where thawne goes to 21st century for the first time, thinks he's barry (original-ish flash) because dissociation from trauma of seeing himself being killed by his hero and acts exactly like starling, having the same issues as motivation aka him/barry being forgotten and replaced by wally. he implies wally taking on the flash mantle is most disrespectful to barry. he rants about how he's the only flash and threatens to destroy not only the flash family but the whole central city for forgetting that. he and wally have a conflict of legacy similar to jim and drake's conflict in dt17. he is The starling blueprint only a lot more mentally ill. also we've heard something like the duck knight returns in running scared (this one is less reminiscent of jim but still features some things that werent in the return of barry allen). it's a rebirth arc that introduces another new origin of reverse-flash. now, he's been hyperfixated on barry allen his whole life (on a whole new level i mean) and there was the first meeting in 25th century where they Connected like thawne always believed they would. that day ended up in a fight and thawne's imprisonment because he set up casualties to get attention and praise for being the flash of 25th century but unlike all other versions this thawne has a change of heart after the fight, too. he promises to 'fix everything' including himself, he even goes to therapy afterwards. then he goes to the 21st century to tell barry how much he accomplished since they last met and then sees barry saying to wally one meaningful phrase he said to thawne that perfect day. like it wasnt something special only barry and eobard shared. like the day they met never happened. like he forgot thawne ever existed. like he was replaced as barry's speedster partner/friend/whatever he thought they were after that day by wally. and that shatters thawne so much he runs back to 25th and just decides to become the reverse-flash and make barry suffer until he gives him attention and recognition he deserved. frank angones, i am inside your walls. you CANT deny you based your versions of dw and nd off flash comics and thawne particularly. and more, you legit made reverse!eobarry au and put it in dt in duck forms. i have been losing my mind about it for 3 years now. i am exposing you and there is nothing you can do to escape that.

fifth(ish). yeah, and btw about friendly four from life, the negaverse and everything. did you think they actually escaped being mirrored in the flash? ha. i present to you reverse-rogues from the 25th century aka the renegades, carefully created by zoom and thawne himself, thinking it would somehow be funny.

cant believe hunter once saw it on tv put 2 and 2 together and went 'eobard my dude we need to go full negaverse with the 25th century. we need a friendly four to your negaduck. i swear it'll be Hilarious'. god the only thing they lack at this point is nega!gosalyn (i mean. hunter actually did try something like that with inertia, saving him from the museum and trying to teach him how to torture flashfam into improving them but thad was more of a nega!honker and reverted hunter to crippled powerless state just because. love that kid)

and that's all i have so far, if anyone here also into both yellow-red mfs with no life feel free to comment or even add more because there sure is or at least will be more and no one has the power to stop it.

hii i have to say i LOVE you desktop/web theme btw -- anyway can u do something of the new task force? (the 2022 mw) like how to the reader came into contact when all or most of the main cast for mw

IM BACK. or we? not really its just Noelle :) But yes I can do this!

TF141 AND HOW THEY MET YOU

pairings: REBOOT Task Force 141 (aka MW2) if you want the Old one, please send a separate request!

notes: erm, hinted Mexican/Latine reader, hints to romance with a few but take it as you want (only if you squint except for maybe 1 or 2 where its obvious), and obv not proofread!

REBLOGS OVER LIKES!!!! if you enjoy REBLOG! (you'll automatically like don't worry baes)

Kate Laswell was the one who suggested you as an operative for the new task force. You were one of her best under her wing, and she had thought you would be a great addition to the team. After seeing your field success rate, General Shepherd was also on board with the idea especially since you had such good ties with the Mexican Special Forces.

John Price was the first operative you had met. He and Kate have always been on good terms so he took you in very quickly. Of course, as the founder and senior operator, he still had to be a bit more rigid on his fresh meat to ensure you could live up to the expectations Kate put on him of you. Price always supported you through the task force's most challenging parts of your career. Drinks after every (successful or not) mission were always a must between you two. Indeed, he was the most supportive of the bunch.

Johnny "Soap" MacTavish landed number 1 on your list of getting along when you two immediately hit off. Your meeting was reasonably quick, only on the airfield before your mission in Las Almas alongside Alejandro. Cheesy remarks between you two were always a must and even after knowing each other for a few weeks at most, Soap was glad you joined. He admired you, both aspects on and off the field, always coming to you for advice whether that was personal issues or with combat. Often visiting of each other and purposefully being assigned with each other as often as you could were the best parts of the career on your new team.

While Simon "Ghost" Riley did not take a keen liking to you. Especially in the beginning when you let your mouth run wild about Las Almas. Irritated, he constantly made snarky comments on your work even when it was the cleanest you'd done. Your relationship was rocky from the get-go, even during the prison break for Alejandro and his boys, or even when you could see right through Philip Graves' lies and cameo. What changed everything was when Ghost missed his shot on Hassan, and you were on another building above and took Hassan out as a backup. At first, he was irate, not at you but at himself for making such a mistake and he eventually warmed up to you very, very slowly realizing you were the reason that the world wasn't in smithereens right then and there. Over time you two would become close, and you were one of the only people he opened up to about things -- he finally let his guard down.

Kyle "Gaz" Garrick was all over the place. You had actually never met him until Chicago after the success with Hassan. You two didn't have much time to honestly know each other, but what brought you decently close, perhaps through drinks, was the constant interest in where each of you was. Every sip was a question about London, where he was from, or Las Almas, where you were. Questions on the London attacks and all Gaz's missions to your early career as border control to life with the Los Vaqueros. By your next mission, you two knew plenty about each other and had become a dynamic duo, particularly in stealth.

Even though Alejandro Vargas and Rodolfo Parra were associates of Task Force 141, you had known these boys forever. Early border control had you talking to them frequently about troubles. You eventually left border control when Rudy suggested that you join his crew in the Mexican Army, and you gladly accepted his suggestion and joined. After the Las Almas Cartel fallout with Alejandro, the 3 of you became inseparable, and you and Rudy became Alejandro's second-in-command when Los Vaqueros were made. Kind, snarky, flirty, funny remarks almost always when you two worked, and you were a great help during the Borderline mission knowing the area well on the American side of the border. Even if you are now a full member of those (bloody Brits), you will always have close ties with your boys. You three had all collectively promised to go out multiple times yearly to catch up.

You never had correctly met associates Nikolai, Farah Karim, and Alex Keller, but stories were told about their bravery and how outstanding they were. You had plans to try and meet them sometime in your new career and always looked back on their choices to make your own.

Since you've made it this far, have you considered looking for a new book to read? Especially if you're a post-apocalyptic, futuristic fan? Joan is the second owner of this account and is busy writing her first book, BACKLANDS! While not published yet, you can find her on Wattpad at J-Joannarc to ask more questions about her upcoming story! We would appreciate any support since Joan, like me, are young and aspiring writers.

Character Essay: Snape

So, there are some characters that I have feelings about. Like, that I can see what the author was trying to do with them, but I also just... think they failed.

Unsurprisingly, two of these characters have to do with Harry Potter. Severus Snape, and Albus Dumbledore.

Yes, I know, J.K. Rowling is a terrible person and a TERF. But this is still something I wanna write about. And this is my blog. So... yeah. The Albus Dumbledore post might come later.

So, Severus Snape.

I’m gonna break this down into 3 big issues I have with the character. Which does definitely call into question the way Snape was written. And I'll even put it under a read more so any people who are pro-Snape for whatever reason don't have to read any further.

And yeah, this isn't going to be nice to Snape. Like, I've said it before, and I'll say it again, Albus Severus Potter should have been named Rubeus Remus. It is actually kind of a crime that he never named a child for Hagrid, considering Hagrid was literally the first person who was nice to him and introduced him to the Wizarding World. But I digress, let's get to the main subject of this essay.

1. Treatment of Students

We know why Snape treats Harry like shit. It doesn't make it ok, but I wanna talk about other students. Disregarding the favouritism towards his own house, we already come across a huge problem, that is also a problem with Dumbledore as well...

Snape's an abusive teacher.

Even if we disregard Snape's treatment of Harry, we have how he treats students like Neville, and insults leveled at students not within his house. Even the best Hermione, who is basically as close to a perfect student as we get, is simply ignored and passed over without a comment, and Neville... Hoo boy.

Like, I don't know the specific guidelines teachers are given that they're not allowed to cross, but Snape breaks almost all of them. Insults and abuse are hurled towards Neville constantly, even when he's in other classes, like him insulting Neville right in front of Lupin. And while I do like Lupin... Lupin just smiles at it. Nothing ever happens. Snape apparently never even gets told off about abusing his students. Hell, he yells at Hermione and Harry in front of the Minister for Magic in the 3rd book, and Fudge, while surprised, does nothing about it other than trying to calm Snape down.

Like, is abuse just... not a thing in the Wizarding World? This comes up in my thoughts about Dumbledore as well, beyond this, but...

If Snape was a teacher anywhere else, he would have been fired. Like, immediately. But he's just allowed to do so. Like, the closest thing to punishment he gets is that he's not allowed to teach Defence of the Dark arts until Harry's 6th year.

And just so we know this isn't the norm, let's look at another teacher... Minerva McGonagall.

She is the head of Gryffindor House (although I still think she should be a Ravenclaw. As should Hermione. BUT ANYWAY) but she does not favour her house. Excluding Quidditch, in which she supports her House's team, but that's a different thing, that's fine. Whereas Snape has probably never taken so much as a single point from Slytherin, she was responsible for the largest amount of points taken from Harry at one time, if I'm right. If not the largest amount, certainly the largest amount of points taken in the first book. She is also strict, but is also shown to be fair, and will compliment a student and praise them if they do well. She praises Hermione in their first class, because while Hermione did not entirely succeed, she did show godd progress for her first try. And while we do not see her compliment a student from another House, it can be assumed that it does happen.

This is how a teacher SHOULD be. They are there to nurture students, teach them, not abuse them and play favourites.

There are other teachers in Hogwarts, but Snape is the main one who abuses them. A case could be made for Barty Crouch (disguised as Mad-Eye Moody) abusing them, by putting them under the Imperius Curse) but considering he was a Death Eater, and was apparently doing it because Dumbledore wanted him to, we'll just... ignore him. I don't think it's too far from what Moody would actually do, although I don't like to think of Moody as abusive.

But yeah, Snape is very abusive of his students, to the point that the most positive thing he can really do towards a student that isn't from Slytherin is ignore them or say nothing. And abuse is a really fucking bad thing, in case you didn't know.

Let's move onto the next topic...

2. His 'love' of Lily Evans

Yeah, I put the love in quotation marks. Mainly because it... doesn't really read that much like love to me. I am aromantic, so that might have SOMETHING to do with it, but...

It just comes off more as a creepy sort of obsession than anything else. An obsession deep enough for him to have a doe as a patronus.

Like... let's start from the beginning. The first time we see Snape and Lily, Snape is spying on her and it's implied that he's been doing so for a little bit. Even though they're just kids, I'm pretty sure that counts as stalking. And then he makes a branch fall on Petunia when she insults them, which could have seriously injured her, depending on the size of the branch and where it hit her. It was enough to make Petunia cry at the least when it hit her shoulder.

Snape also encouraged Lily to steal letters from her sister and read them, when they found out that Petunia had written to Hogwarts. Although I guess that doesn't really come into the subject of his 'love' for Lily.

We also see that Snape is very... racist, I guess? Does the whole blood thing count as racist? Calling Lily a Mudblood, and then when he tries to apologise he can't even deny that if it was anyone but her, he would not apologise for it. So basically having different rules for her, which I guess could come into a love thing but the fact that he calls muggleborns Mudblood and yet 'loves' one comes out as... kinda fetishistic to me, I'm not gonna lie.

In the books we also have him desperate to protect her from Voldemort, crying when she's dead... And yet despite that, he is horribly abusive to her son, just because he looks like his father. And yet he does say that he wants to keep him safe, angry at Dumbledore when he finds out they've basically been raising him like a lamb to the slaughter. So apparently he's fine with possibly mentally scarring Harry, but killing him? Oh, that's just totally unforgivable!

You can point out various things across the books that Snape has done for Harry, but that doesn't change the fact that Snape is INCREDIBLY abusive to Harry, even moreso than he is to other students.

And then we have him taking part of Lily's letter, just because it had her signiture, and part of the photo that showed her in it, which just... always struck me as creepy. Stalker-ish. I dunno how to explain it any better than that.

And then, we have absolutely the creepiest part... him wanting Harry to look at him as he dies. Just so he can pretend that he's looking into Lily's eyes, probably. Which... yeah, that's just super creepy.

Like, I honestly cannot see it as romance at all. It just comes off as Snape having an obsession. It's even worse in the movies where he is shown cradling Lily's dead body against him and crying. Which normally wouldn't be that bad but with everything else on top of that... yeah.

This does bring us onto the last subject...

3. Snape's 'Redemption'

Snape's redemption is supposed to happen after his death. Here's the problem... he's one of the main examples about why J.K. is very poor when it comes to redeeming characters. Like, Draco could have been set up for a redemption, but he wasn't, as were his parents. Snape was set up for a redemption... and J.K. seems to think it was enough?

So, the main thing that is supposed to redeem Snape, that is meant to make us think he's ok... is showing us his past with Lily, and various discussions with Dumbledore. The whole sequence is for exposition and to try and make us think Snape is a good guy because he 'loved' Lily, and that was his motivation for everything good he did. Which, again, comes off as pretty obsessive.

Here's the thing though...

Snape abused Harry for 6 years of his life. He made Draco set a snake on him in his second year. He repeatedly broke into Harry's mind which seemed to end up having the opposite effect that Dumbledore wanted. Dumbledore even basically admits as much, saying that Snape was a poor choice for it, that he had hoped Snape would be able to see past his hatred of Harry's father. He refused to listen to anyone when it came to Sirius, refusing the possibility that Sirius might be innocent (until Dumbledore talked to him about it, probably), outed a colleague as a werewolf, which, considering the allergory J.K. was aiming for, was like outing a gay man, and made him resign from his job because he knew student's parents would be writing in to complain about it, so it essentially cost Lupin a job, which as we know, is already something that werewolves had problems with.

I do have issues with J.K.'s allergory of werewolves as homosexuals... but let's just say that one of the most notable werewolves, after Remus, was known for attacking and 'turning' children and leave it at that. It's not relevant to the topic at hand anyway.

Showing us that Snape did some things right, and that he 'loved' Lily... like, let's pretend that he did love Lily for a moment, and that it wasn't a creepy obsession.

... That still doesn't excuse the shit he did. It doesn't excuse the abuse at all. It doesn't redeem him from being a Death Eater. His only reason for wanting to save the Potter family was Lily.

Saving Harry's life in the first year by countering Quirrell's curse, and then acting as referee in the next match to protect Harry? That doesn't redeem the abuse that he inflicted upon Harry in the first year, let alone the rest of it.

Let's assume he had the best intentions in Prisoner of Azkaban, and he was interested in rescuing Harry, Ron and Hermione from Sirius. Although that is a HUGE assumption, all things considered... still doesn't redeem him.

Checking that Sirius was indeed at headquarters and then alerting them that Harry had gone to the Department of Mysteries to try and save Sirius when Sirius wasn't even there? Still doesn't redeem him.

None of the good things Snape does redeems him for the abuse he inflicted upon his students and especially Harry and Neville, and his love for Lily reads more like a creepy obsession.

J.K. tried to redeem Snape... and absolutely failed. Sometimes when you write a character, you need more than a single chapter to redeem them.

I'm not even sure if Snape was redeemable at all. Abusing children is a pretty fucking terrible thing. And I don't think it's even me being biased for being abused by a teacher, it's just unacceptable.