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insidemymind19 · 10 months

Text

About you

Part 2

I’m really not sure how I feel about this so any feedback is more than welcome

Warnings: heavy mentions of: drug use,miscarriage,blood,pregnancy,TRNSMT 2017

If your uncomfortable with any of these subjects please DONT READ

2017

“Els whereee are you” she hears Matty’s voice boom around the hotel room as she retches into the toilet once more. “There you are my darling princess angel.” He’s high again. “I can’t wait for this show tonight the Scottish crowds are fucking amazing I just feel so good” he yells not even noticing his girlfriend clinging to the toilet like her life depends on it. “Come on baby let’s go to the bar get a drink loosen up before the show” he coaxes completely oblivious to the situation in front of him. “No matty I have to get ready and I don’t think you need anymore” Ellie tries to be as delicate as possible as not to annoy the high man in front of her, “right ok be like that then I’ll just go alone you obviously don’t want to spend any time with me” he deadpans not understanding what she’s saying. “Matty I didn’t mean it like that” she yells as she hears the hotel door slam behind him. She can’t cope with him when he’s like this. Elouise reaches for her phone and shoots a message to the group chat they set for situations like this, ‘he’s really bad today said he was going to the bar can someone go find him don’t think he wants to see me at the moment. This shows going to be rough’ she hits send praying that some of the guys are able to sober him up before the show.

“Ok what’s wrong you’re being quite” Ross asks Ellie as he sits in her hotel room after a few minutes of observing her, “Ross I don’t know what to do” Ellie replies emotion leaking through her voice with Ross instantly having an idea what she’s talking about. “Elouise it’s not your responsibility to look after him yes you might be together but you know how he is he’ll not listen to any of us, we all know he needs help but we can’t do that until he realises himself” Ross tell her curtly. “I know that but that’s not everything” Ellie thinks for a moment as to whether or not to tell him. “I… Im.. um” “Ellie just spit it out” Ross replies wanting to know what’s going on. “I’m pregnant” Ellie replies quickly, not wanting to admit what is happening. Ross is taken aback by this revelation. “Are you sure, have you done a test? You might not be” Ross replies trying to reassure the women sat in front of him. “Yes Ross I’m sure I’ve done 4 tests” Ellie Quietly says. “Shit does matty know” “no I don’t know how to tell him. What if this tips him over the edge Ross I can’t do it on my own” Ellie replies desperation in her voice. Ross’s Heart breaks for the blonde women he considers a sister sat in front of him tears in her eyes instantly engulfing her in a hug, “Elouise so many people are there for you and I know for a fact you would never be on your own ok, me George, Adam, Carly,Grace, your mum, Denise So many people care about you Ellie” Ross replies doing his best to reassure her all things considering.

As Ellie stands side stage at TRNSMT she knows this is going to tough, just then she feels George place an arm around her shoulder and a soft kiss on her head whispering a “we’ll be ok.” they take the stage and start to play the opening notes to love me she watches Matty prance around the stage her heart aching not only for him but for the little life inside of her.

the show is over they’re all sat quietly backstage Matty nowhere to be found Ellie feels a sharp pain in stomach, something she’s been feeling since she stepped off stage, Ross notices her face screw up in pain, “you ok” he says in her direction alerting to George and Adam to the situation too, “um yeah probably just soar from standing up for so long and not eating” Ellie says trying not to alert the other whilst reassuring herself. “Ellie you’re bleeding” Adam says as he notices the blood pool in her lap the pain in her abdomen crippling now. “Elouise we need to get to the hospital now” Ross says panicked as he watches the colour drain from her face her eyes growing droopy. “Wait what’s wrong what’s happening” George asks not understanding the situation. “She’s pregnant” Ross hastily explains whilst lifting the barley conscious women into his arms, “Els hey look your going to be ok Yeah everything’s going to be fine” he tries to reassure her whilst lacing his finger in hers

‘Where am I’ Ellie thinks to herself, light blinding her a horrible aching in her stomach, the familiar feeling of a calloused hand in hers, a constant beeping sending a piercing pain through her aching head. After a few moments she gains the energy and whimpers softly, alerting the man beside her as her reassures her with his words that she’s ok squeezing her hand softly, a feeling she knows all to well from him, she lets out a soft murmur of his name “matty” she tries to move to see him a horrible pain spasming through her stomach groaning in pain, “hey hey Els don’t move ok” she opens her eyes at the unmistakable sound of Adams voice, glancing around the room in her confused state “where’s matty” “I need matty” Ellie pleads with Adam, “do you remember what happened Ellie” Adam asks cautiously not really sure how to approach the subject “I remember being in pain on stage” then suddenly it clicks “wait Adam is the baby ok” “is my baby ok” she asks Adam in desperation. The look on her face tells her all she needed to know, “I’m so so sorry el” Adam says as he dives into her arms to bring her some form of comfort. Ellie’s sure she feels her heart shatter in that moment, 5 words breaking her heart into tiny pieces “ I… I didn’t even get to tell matty” she sobs loudly “he didn’t even know” she lets out through straggled breaths. “Where is he” “why isn’t he here Adam” she screams.

Back at the hotel Matty is on a comedown. A bad comedown. Sitting at the toilet shaking and shivering, “Here mate drink some more of this, try get this shit out of your system” as George hands him a glass of water. “Where’s Ellie she’s got far better bedside manner than you” matty groans earning him a warning glare from george, he soon goes back to looking at his phone a worried expression on his face as he reads Ross’s message explaining that they’ve told her the news. Matty clocks the worried expression on his best friends face as he lifts his head, “whats with the face Georgie, who’s died” he questions tiredly, George giving him a look he can’t quite place, “what, what’s happened” matty asks. “Ellie she um.. No you know… um nothing it’s fine” George says quickly feeling like it’s not his place to break this news, but Matty needs to know what’s happening especially when it concerns Ellie.

Once again not sure about this but thank you so much for taking the time to read ❤️

#matty healy #the 1975 #the 1975 x reader #matty healy x reader #thoughts inside my mind #ross macdonald #adam hann #george daniel #about you #matty healy fanfiction

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astroyongie · 2 years

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Hi, how would each ateez member react when you breakup with them?

How Would Ateez React To You Breaking Up With Them

Seonghwa

At first he will probably be very angry

He wouldn't understand why you are making such a harsh decision

He might be very rude with his words

Mostly because he doesn't lead well with pain

He will probably ghost you after that

Like remove you from all his social media

Block your number

Cut all ties

But deep down he is just very hurt by the situation

The type to cry secretly

Still, he will be acting out of anger for a few days

Like being in a dark impulsive mood

Hongjoong

He would be very confused about everything

He doesn't know if he should be sad

Or if he would just need to accept what's happening

will have mood swings because of it all

He would try to talk to you about it

But he can't control his emotions well so it might go into a huge argument

Because Hongjoong can be very impulsive with his thoughts

And say things eh doesn't mean tho

He will still love you for some time

Still stalking you in social media

Still thinking of you

Yet too prideful to talk to you again

Hongjoong however won't be annoying he will let you be

He will try to fix his own life

But his opinion of you might change

Yunho

Just like Hongjoong, he wouldn't understand your decision

His feelings would be all over the place

He would try to control his feelings

But it's complicated

However the talk would go smoothly

He would try to understand you

While also proving his point

Tries to make you stay

Even after your decision he will still be in love with you

He would still be very protective

Even if he holds you accountable for hurting him

He would be here if you need him

But he wouldn't go back to you

Mostly because of his pride

And his resentfulness

Will never approve your next partners

Yeosang

Love is a complicated topic for him

So if you break up with him, he would have a really hard time

The type that would spend days crying about it

That can't take you out of his mind

He would beg you not to do it

Get's sensitive

He would try to manipulate you to stay

Says he would change

Yeosang pride would be very touched

And even if he understands, he doesn't accept

He would try to pretend that it doesn't affect him

Like sometimes he would go out with other people and show it to you

Other times he would send drunk love text messages

He would need time

San

The whole chat would be awkward

He wouldn't speak, just listen to what you have to say

He would nod

Accept it

Still he doesn't understand

and on his heart, it's a war

He wants to hate you

But he still loves you

San's pride would be hurt

And he would have a hard time forgiving you for it

Might be very mean to you

Like taking revenge for what you have done and stuff

Still he loves you

But his thoughts changed

Mingi

Mingi also is the type that would cry during the chat

Because he wouldn't expect it

Tries to make you stay

Might eve try to promise things and manipulate you

But the thought of losing you hurts him a lot

Still, he understands your point

He might think that your reasons to break up are stupid

that they don't make sense

That you are being immature

Won't be able to look at you the same

Too hurt for that

Won't appreciate any of your future partners

Wooyoung

he would be very empathetic about the whole thing

Like you can feel that it's hurting him

You can see that he wants to cry

But he won't do it

He just nods and accept the whole thing

But inside, he is hurting

Might cry by himself

Wooyoung also has bad coping mechanism

Like he would go and see other people as soon as you say it

Not because he wasn't honest

But in a way to numb the pain of you leaving

Might end up blocking you or ghosting you

Like pretending you never existed on his life

It's the best for him

Jongho

He would be quite angry

Like he understands you

He knows it's the best for you

But he won't accept it

He has a hard time hiding his anger too

He blames you instead

He gets mean

Jongho would be the type to take revenge if he feels really hurt

Might say bad things about you to other people

Ignores you afterwards

And just wants you gone from his life

#ateez #ateez astrology #ateez headcanons #ateez reactions #ateez imagines #ateez scenarios

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omgellendean · 2 years

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Thinking back to what Kripke said in an interview about Soldier Boy's trauma being a metaphor for "toxic masculinity", don't think that he's kinda sending the wrong message with Soldier Boy and Butcher that being traumatized/victims of abuse and engaging in unhealthy coping mechanisms equals "toxic men"? Especially since men don't have monopoly on being abuse and trauma victims? Big fucking Oof there, Kripke.

I'm not sure if the story blames Butcher for being traumatised. Writers clearly are making a point about the cycle of abuse and the consequences of childhood trauma, both for him and Homelander, and usually portray his struggles sympathetically. However, some moments give me a pause, like Mallory saying Billy is just like his father because he wants to finish his vendetta against Homelander (can we talk about Mallory probably being the biggest hypocrite of the show, btw), or the narrative seemingly supporting the idea that Billy was partially responsible for Lenny's death.

Soldier Boy's situation is weirder. If I understand correctly, you mean this quote:

“Similarly to Hughie, it’s, what is the metaphor for Soldier Boy? And he’s like this bottled up toxic masculinity,” Kripke says. “He bottles up all of his pain and he bottles up all of his trauma and then, quote unquote, loses his temper and explodes outward, literally. It’s the pattern of so many macho dudes, they can’t express themselves and so then they explode and in really inappropriate ways. So he literally explodes.” (x)

The interview was referencing the events of 3x05 Holy shit, I was absolutely sure it was about Soldier Boy blowing up the building during his PTSD flashback. But they, in fact, talked about 3x04, aka Soldier Boy blasting Kimiko at the lab. This makes even less sense. He just woke up from stasis after years of torture, surrounded by armed people, with a bunch of dead soldiers on the floor. He doesn't know if they are friendlies (they aren't); he doesn't even target Kimiko specifically — he just tries to escape. Oh my god.

But even if we apply this quote to 3x05 or even the entire season, it still doesn't work. It's the season finale tomorrow, and yet we only saw Soldier Boy "exploding" in two types of situations: he has a flashback during which he blackouts and cannot control himself, or he deliberately uses this new power against his target. Neither fits the idea of a "toxic macho man losing his temper". Unless, of course, Kripke thinks having untreated PTSD is a sign of toxic masculinity.

This brings us to the second option: unhealthy coping mechanisms = toxic masculinity. I think you're spot on about this being the show's idea, tbh. I mean, writers certainly try to make a point by showing us MM, who is Soldier Boy's foil this season and arguably one of the most well-adjusted people on the show (which doesn't say a lot, but still). MM is open about his emotions, takes medication and tries not to let his trauma affect Janine. Here's an example of how to handle your trauma properly, right? Of course! But also, eh.

Sure, Soldier Boy is a vile, abusive man that pretends he doesn't have feelings, and his response to the idea of PTSD is "fuck you". He certainly holds back a lot of his emotions that aren't anger. And his (and Butcher's) idea of self-medicating is clearly unhealthy. But here's a thing: according to the show's timeline, he's been free less than a month, I'd say about two weeks. He barely had any time to deal with everything that happened. He doesn't have friends, his only allies are two shady guys who want to use him as a weapon, and one of them has already tried to back out of the agreement. Who exactly has Soldier Boy to trust with his emotions and ask for support, even if he were self-aware enough to do that? (though he did open up to Hughie for a moment in E6.) And it's not like Billy and Hughie can take him to the therapist for help. And of course, we still circle back to the showrunner comparing PTSD episodes to losing your temper.

And Billy doesn't really fit into this idea either because he supposedly spent a year of hiatus trying to get better and be a father for Ryan — only to be told in the end that he still failed. For me, his arc this season is about desperation, not toxicity.

Oof indeed.

#answered #fullysowerewolf #long post #sorry i got carried away and don't know if i even answered it properly #i should stop reading showrunners interviews #at least for this show #they only manage to piss me off lol #the boys #writing

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landonkirbyappreciation · 2 years

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Can I just say, I appreciate the pissed off/sad energy on this blog, and from fans on tumblr about the finale? Because other social media platforms have been trying to spin it way too positive for my present mood, so I’m finding it strangely comforting here. Like, I was really fighting for the show to get a season 5, but now, I just don’t want it. I need the writers to never touch Landon or Hope’s characters ever again, because all they do screw them over any chance they get, and I’m tired. I’ve lost all hope in them to give Landon/Handon the true happy ending they deserve, and it honestly breaks my heart.

Thank you for saying that! I truly do not understand how anyone can put any sort of positive spin to this, especially people who claim to be Landon fans. Like if people are trying to be more positive to cope, then whatever I guess. But what they did to Landon, and Aria as well, is so wrong on so many levels. Plus the harmful messages they’re sending, it’s just not okay at all and should be spoken about. So it honestly bothers me seeing people trying to make it seem okay or justify it. The writers have already tried to do that, which has made it all even more disturbing so just... no. They need to be called out. But yeah, I feel you and I’m so glad you’re able to find some comfort here! And I completely agree, I definitely do not want a season 5. I mean, if they got a new showrunner and new writers, good ones who would treat Landon right, then sure. But otherwise, no way. And same, I never want the writers coming anywhere near Landon or Hope ever again (or any of tvdu tbh). It’s true, they would never stop hurting them if there was another season. I’ve seen that some people seem to think they would’ve focused on Landon more but I really don’t believe that. They did nothing for him for two whole seasons, despite all the potential, it only ever got worse. They never do anything for his character and have consistently shown how much they hate him. And from what they’ve said, sounds to me like they still would’ve kept him in limbo for a long time, who knows if they ever intended to let him out or for him to live again at all. They’d also talked about a potential time jump, which would’ve meant them keeping Landon trapped in limbo without emotions for years. While Hope just went on with her life? (Which she would never do, she’d never just leave Landon in that situation like that.) I just have no doubt that if there’d been another season it would’ve been more pain and frustration and that they would’ve hurt Landon even more and I can’t take anymore of it. I’m tired too, it’s been so exhausting and depressing to watch. And I also have no hope that they’d ever give Hope and Landon a truly happy ending or let them fully live their lives together. It really is heartbreaking and, ironically, made the show feel very hopeless imo. At this point, I’m just trying to do my best to push it out of my mind and imagine something better for these characters in order to cope.

#answered

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ahundredtimesover · 2 years

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Okay so why I follow you?

First of all certainly 'cause of your fics, like I know the creators while viewing their contents get bored and feel it like it is too predictable but mimi I really want u to read ur fics from our perspective, they are pure GOLD. Your ideas and plots are so intriguing, unique, heart touching.Your characters are soft and relatable.The way u touch simple yet important topics/ stages /subjects of life. You are the best hurt/comfort writer here.Your magic of making us feel what your character is feeling.And i would really like to compliment u on this part that it's not everyone's cup of tea to understand the emotions so damn well. Not only understanding but writing that. The way you describe those feelings in such simple words. You have the power to make us feel bad even for the villain. I am getting short of words so I'll stop. But just know I LOVE ur writing like real real love not just superficial one.💐So I thank heavens for giving u writing for a hobby. And thank u so much for writing and choosing to share ur content with us.

Second, as a person u r such a sweet and sensitive person. Like u r the first blog I followed here( after reading inevitable) . So im following u for a long time.And it is quite tough to get the real personality of a person only through screen(mainly texts) but I have seen how calmly and maturely u respond to ur asks even when they get a bit negative.you give the vibe of a gud natured person.I want to learn how to maintain your composure and being sensible. Even ur fics display ur kind and courteous yet strong attitude. I have become a fan not only of ur fics,ur blog but of u.

Third of course because u r an army😂. But are you? 🤔😂(just kidding)

Hey now, I didn’t expect all this love 🥹 This is srsly one of the sweetest things anyone’s said to me!!

I always try to add something new when I write, like a different take or perspective and something to make you think. I want you guys to read it and feel happy and comforted, that somewhere in the world, someone understands what you’re feeling. “Soft and relatable” is why I write my characters that way. And I think in everything I do, I just want it to mean something, even if it’s just to myself that’s why my stories are often personal, and I’m just so happy the stories mean a lot to you, too 🥺 I’ve come to appreciate and understand emotions as a means of coping, and writing has been most helpful in that way. You guys reading is you sharing my joys and pains with me, that’s why I’ll always be grateful 🥰

And aakskakskqlak I wasn’t always like this! I have a usually strong personality but my mentor told me once that I can’t be “ra-ra-ra”/fight mode all the time (I was the type who’d fight people on Twitter over historical injustices and sexist shit) - that’s not how you get to people. And I think being in my line of work has softened me even more, but yes, I’ve always been sensitive. I appreciate you appreciating those parts of me 🥹🥹🥹 and just for sending me this lovely message and making me feel better! 🥰

And ARMY u say??? I can’t not be even if I tried. It’s my badge of honor 😉

Drop any of these in my ask box!

#mimianswers #mimi rambles #mimi things #💌#drop an ask!

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merakiui · 3 years

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it’s 100% okay if you don’t wanna do this since it’s a triggering topic, but I thought I’d send an ask just in case since I haven’t been doing well recently.

Could you maybe write some HCs for Childe and Scaramouche with an s/o who struggles with depression and self harms as a coping mechanism? Again, it’s completely fine if you don’t wanna do it, sorry to bother you if that’s the case

Childe and Scaramouche with a Depressed S/O

cw: descriptions of depression, self-harm, mention of dagger/knife + blood **please avoid reading if this sort of content upsets you! note - you’re not bothering me at all, anon! I hope these hcs are able to cheer you up. feel free to send a message if you’d like to talk or vent! I’ll be here to listen! <3

💧 Childe 💧

He’s aware of your depression because it’s kept you from doing certain things with him. There have been days where you can’t find the motivation to get out of bed and wash up for the day. Whenever this happens, he tries to cheer you up, asking if you’d like to spar with him or go out to beat some hilichurl camps to let off some steam.

Childe understands that everyone deserves their alone time when they aren’t feeling well, but he wants you to use it for healthy coping mechanisms.

He’s very perceptive, so it doesn’t take him long to find out that you’ve been self-harming. He’ll notice how bandages go missing and how you always insist on wearing long sleeves, even when the weather calls for short sleeves.

And then he’ll notice how often you wash your clothes, scrubbing extra hard in certain areas so that they’ll be as inconspicuous as possible.

He’s no stranger to blood and how to care for specific injuries, so it’s easy for him to piece together what’s going on. And when he finds a dagger hidden in your bedside drawer, wrapped up in a blood-stained cloth, the final puzzle piece falls into place.

Childe doesn’t want to upset you, so he’ll lightly bring it up when you’re in a neutral mood, so as to not worsen your feelings. He’ll gently explain his findings before asking if it’s true.

You’ll admit to it because there’s no point in lying to your lover; he’ll see through you no matter what you say.

Childe doesn’t know everything about depression and why self-harm is used as a coping method for some, but he’s willing to learn everything he can to help you through it when things get rough.

But he can’t help feeling worried whenever he sees your current cuts, always fearing that one day you’ll cut too deep. He has you promise him to never try anything that may threaten your life and he won’t stop pestering you until you’re absolutely positive you won’t fatally wound yourself.

Childe understands that everyone copes differently, but he doesn’t exactly approve of your methods. He wants you to be happy, but he also wants you alive and well, so it’s not a surprise when every sharp object in your house disappears, replaced with friendlier versions that allow you to go about your daily life, free of self-harm.

Rather than self-harm, Childe proposes other means of coping and he seeks to distract you from those thoughts so that you can enjoy your time with him. He’ll stick to you like glue, never truly allowing you to go off by yourself if you intend to cut yourself.

Childe’s annoying when he gets like that, but you’d rather have someone pester you with their affection and care rather than someone who shows no sort of sympathy whatsoever.

⚡ Scaramouche ⚡

Scaramouche doesn’t really know about what you do in your spare time, other than your hobbies and work. So he almost passes out when he catches you drawing thin cuts along your wrist, blood pooling from the shallow wounds.

He’s quick to snatch the knife, holding it in front of your face like it’s a stolen toy. He’ll harshly reprimand you, wanting to know exactly what it is you’re doing and why you’re doing it.

He isn’t oblivious and he knows of your depression, but he still wants to hear you confirm the truth. And when you do he can’t help but feel upset. It’s evident by your scars that you’ve done this before and he feels very foolish for not noticing sooner.

Scaramouche doesn’t want you to hurt yourself like this again and he makes that dreadfully clear. He always hates having to act stern and mean, but it’s all for the good of your health. The worst case scenario always flashes in his mind: you’ll hurt yourself in a way that’s irreversible and he’ll be too late to stop you.

If you show any sort of displeasure at that, he’s willing to beg. And it’s a strange sight to witness Scaramouche, 6th of the Fatui Harbingers, beg. But he’ll do as much as that if it’ll get you to stop cutting.

You’re aware of the danger and you explain to him that it’s your way of coping. The pain is a familiar comfort and you need it in order to stay sane.

Scaramouche holds your hands in his in order to take your mind off of what you were just doing, forcing you to look at him so that he can get his point across. He wants you to use healthier methods to cope and he’s going to help you whether you like it or not.

He’ll offer an array of substitutes. If you want to belittle his underlings to get rid of some pent-up anger, go for it! If you want to feast like royalty, he’ll gather an entire buffet.

Like Childe, he’s also going to stick by your side. He’s not as clingy as Childe, but he’s definitely going to pester you about it, such as asking to see your wrists and anywhere else you might’ve cut yourself or doing away with sharp objects.

When he can’t be with you, you’ll be in the care of one of his most trusted underlings, who has been ordered to keep you safe at all costs, even if it means prying a knife from your hands.

It can be quite bothersome as you try to break your own coping habit, but you know Scaramouche means well when he takes so many precautions.

Scaramouche will always listen to you; he encourages you to vent to him when you’re stressed or upset over something rather than resorting to a blade. And you’ll find that talking about it with your lover is more soothing than any self-inflicted cut.

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happyselves · 3 years

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Pacify Him { Daniel Ricciardo x reader } /// WARNING EXPLICIT ///

Chapter : One shot Rating : Mature / Explicit / NSFW Words : 3,622 words

“Pacify her, she is getting on my nerves, hold your bitch before I push her away. You’re free to bring anyone here as long as they are behaving, but her … I don’t judge the person you are seeing, obviously I could give two shits about it but please tell her to calm herself down … This isn’t professional.”

You were fuming as you entered Daniel’s driver room,as his PR assistante you never interfere in his frequentation, but when it was impacting the reputation of the team and bugging people visiting the motorhome you had to step him. You calm yourself after a few breaths, stepping aside from Daniel a bit before looking at him again.

“ I didn’t mean to come that hard on you Daniel, but please you know how this is important right. You always ask for my honest opinion and there it is, I didn’t mean it for it to step out this hard on you but I can’t apologize for my words when I was thinking about them. She is toxic for you, she brings the bad in you when you are someone adorable usually. What is happening to you that you don’t trust me enough anymore to tell me when something is going wrong ? And before you are shushing me off, you know I am right, you and I are a package deal. “

He was defeated, not even looking at you, his whole body was shutting down and his legs were giving up on him. He takes the closest seat near him, almost falling and barely able to sit gracefully like he used to do.

“ I don’t know … I am so lost, I keep doing stuff wrong, I can’t find my soul anymore, I’m not very myself recently, I can’t even find my smile being genuine in the morning when I wake up in the morning. I’m putting a mask for people to see, but I’m like an empty shell. This bitch as you call her is only here to distract me and try to make me feel alive. She is nothing and it was a mistake to bring her… “

You were very concerned about Daniel’s attitude, it was the first time since you have known him that he worries about you right now. You were kneeling in front of him, trying your best not to invade his personal space. It’s something new for you, not invading it, you never ever thought he needed one but he looked so fragile, then you were under the impression that if you were touching him he would vanish into dust.

“ You are scaring me, what’s happening, is it the team ? Something personal ? You know you can tell me everything … “ A long silence got installed, your eyes were starting to water by all the pain you were seeing in him. You thought he wouldn’t open up, he was shutting you out by the way his body was curling up and turning to avoid your gaze on him. He was protecting himself like a kid that was terrified of a big stormy night.

You wanted to be the one to reassure one, but you were practically sure you were part of the problem. You stand quietly, ready to leave him alone in his driver room because there was nothing you could do if he wasn’t letting you.

His reaction was imminent, the driver inside of him was popping up and his muscles memories acting for him as it was his turn to get up and close the space between you, shutting the opened door. You yelped out of surprise before feeling his pressing body against you. You were stuck between the wooden door and his warm torso. Feeling his heretic heartbeat pounding in his chest. You couldn’t speak, you were too shocked for that. You and him were friends, close friends but not that physically close. You never cross that boundaries, but today was different, you felt it was.

The seconds looked like hours waiting for the confirmation of your assumption. Daniel seems to be as surprised as you to have acted the way he did, it was too late to back away now.

“ Don’t leave … don’t walk out that door “ His forehead was now resting on the back of your head, slightly not to hurt you and put weight on it. You wanted to ignore all the fuzzy feelings flooding in your whole body, but you couldn’t. Having him so close to you awakens a deep feeling hidden in you. “ The bitch will go away I promise, I am sorry “

Why was he apologizing to you, he didn’t disappoint anyone, yet. You weren’t even mad, you learn better to not judge someone's fucked up attitude when you could recognize the coping mechanics of someone keeping a secret and trying to turn the attention away from himself for nobody to catch the true meaning behind these actions. Does that make it acceptable ? It was each individual to have their own opinion. It was annoying you, that Daniel was suffering but preferred to distract himself and run away from his problem instead of talking to you or anyone else.

You close your eyes, your own forehead finds the cold surface of the door, his own head following yours not breaking the contact. HIs hands find the side of your hip.

“ The bitch isn’t the problem isn’t it ? “ You asked without any certainty he will give you a proper answer to that. His thumbs were caressing the skin of your hips through the tissues of your teamwear shirt, drawing a circle. You were sure he didn’t even notice he was doing it, his body was only responding to one mood and it was the auto-pilot one.

You were searching for breath and the driver’s room was starting to get tighter by the meanings, you were about to suffocate if the situation in which you both were wasn’t going to change fast enough.

“ You are the only one that can take away my pain … “ It could pass for a simple sentence if it wasn’t so Daniel, you had learned the code of conduct of Daniel Ricciardo and that … that was a declaration. “ It was you and I before, remember ? “

You were missing a piece of puzzle here, what was he talking about, is he drunk ? You never act differently around him, nothing changes, it never does. Yes it was him and you, always have been.

“ What are you talking about Daniel, you are confusing me “

“ Why did it change, the two of us … “ He was responding to your question by another one, like he was having his own conversation in his head, you were tempted to let him speak his mind to discover the bottom of the problem.

“ It didn’t change Daniel … “ You were trying as much as you could to put everything together, in vain.

“ It did change, I can’t look at you the same way as before … “ There it was, a little clue. If only he knew that it has been a long time since you have been able to look at him the way he used to when you meet him the first time. It was more than annoying you that he had brought someone with him for the weekend, more than it should. You were fuming when you saw the unknown name on the list of guests and asked someone to lighten it for you.

“ I know you are lying, why would you react the way you just did before if you weren’t “ You wanted to look at him, but his body was still pressing you against the cold wood. You had so much to say and him as well, all this unspoken tension you both tried to make yourself believe was a liar. You were both frauds, your friendship switched into something more months ago after a drunk night. Nothing happened that night, only looks were exchanged. The battle you both had as a joke at first turned into something way more deeper than you both were expecting and when you both tried to pull out of it, the damage had been done. That night was an epiphany moment for you, awaking the true desire between you. Your bodies couldn’t lie, the need for them to touch, the flaming sensation of his skin against yours like it was happening right now. Everything happened before and since that night, it never was the same thing for Daniel and everything went downhill.

You move your hand, posting on the door and Daniel understands the message and detaches himself from you. You slowly turn, god he was a mess and you bet you weren’t better.

“ You bewitched me that night, seduced me with your eyes. It was a game at first and now look at us, where is the game now ? “ He wasn’t accusing you of anything, it was a simple statement, an understanding between you. Two people were playing the game and two people ended up losing.

“ That wasn’t my intention, I tried to pull away, it was too late “ Who sounds defeated now, the tables have turned and he brings you down with him to the bottom of his misery. A couple bruises on your heart that he created was all you needed to have the proof that at least you two had shared a moment. It had to stay professional, but as his face was closing up the gap, all your convictions were being erased one by one.

You didn’t wait for him, you joined him in the middle, your lips connected quicker than he had anticipated, your eyes shut down in synchronisation. You didn’t who reacted first and kissed the other one back. That lip was perfect, far from it, it was messy just like him, but it was passionate. His teeth were teasing your bottom lips, asking permission to tear the flesh of it apart. You moaned when his tongue was inviting you to open your mouth. The taste of your two saliva was so intoxicated that you almost fell and he had to catch you with both of his arms, supporting you from your lower back. His smile came back to life against your mouth, letting out a childish giggle and you hit his arm to make him stop making fun of your lack of stability.

HIs reaction was quick, if you couldn’t stand up anymore he would use that door to help you. He pushes you toward it and your back gets lean on it, his arms unlocking themselves to explore your body, finding where they were before except this style the hem of your shirt came loose, letting the palm of his hand directly enter in contact with your skin, sending you shivers.

You had forgotten your environnement, too busy burying your own hands in his dark curls, bringing him closer as much as possible. Your teeth were still clenching and air was starting to lack in your lounge. You didn’t want to let go, scared for the reality to be brought back. You have been dreaming for months about this. Having the fantasy in your head when the night was setting and the moon shining.

DSaniel didn’t let you think for another second as he used this little moment of rest when you stop kissing him for a second, to lift you up, grabbing your ass, his palm firmly around it. He moves you and remembered to lock the door before turning back his focus on you as he finally break the kiss to look at you. Lust could be seen all over your two faces. His face was not showing any sadness anymore, only mischievousness and happiness. If you knew that all you needed to do to bring back the Daniel you knew was to let your own desire take over you, you would have done it sooner.

He took the direction of the massage table beside him, putting you on the edge before finding your neck and kissing the soft skin. You let a snort escape when his scruff tickles a sensitive spot behind your ear. He laughs against the skin and the vibration changes the snort into a whining complaint. He traveled all the way down to your clavicle but the fabric of your shirt was stopping him. He didn’t wait for your approval to remove it, the force of the removal making you lift your arm automatically. They fall back on his neck when he throws the piece of tissue somewhere you will have a hard time finding back.

That was extremely hot from him and by your legs starting to spread a little bit and the heat you were starting to feel between them, he noticed acknowledge the effect he had on you and smirk, visibly proud of himself. It was not the time to hide yourself even if you could feel embarrassed, this man in front of you was everything you had dreamt of and it had the talent to make you feel confident of your body, just by the way he looks at every detail of your body.

You were eager to let him take the situation under his control and only his, not doing anything and just being the prize he was working on to have for so long. All the torment, the torture and the conviction he will never have you, he deserved it. You will get your prize another time … it was only the beginning for you.

He was taking his time with you,no matter how much his desire was waking up, he had one mission and one mission only; your pleasure. You could see the forming bulge in his pants and felt for him, imagining how inconfortable it must be for him.

It all went to dust when his hands found their way under your bra cupping your breast and his lips traveled your chest as he was kissing his way down. He was leaving wet kisses and blowing air on it, goosebumps started to appear quickly, head being jolted back.

You wish you knew what to do with your hands but they were gripping the leather of the massage table so hard your knuckles were getting white by the second. He didn’t seem to care as his hands found your pants, he pushed you a bit behind, making unspeakable demands for you to lift your ass so he could slide the piece of clothes down for it to join your shirt somewhere in the room.

You could barely keep your eyes open as you witnessed the extremely hot scene in front of you. Daniel between your legs, keeping the same pace with you, kissing his way up toward the inner of your thighs. You sensed his teeth nibbling your skin, licking every spot afterward, like he was trying to heal the pain he just caused you. Little did he know that pain you were feeling was arousing you even more, your panty was starting to visibly licked your excitement. It was feeling like torture, you thougth that Daniel would be like the others partner you had, your skin would get used to the touch after a moment and the horniness would stop at a certain level, thinking you had reach the maximal of his possibility. How wrong were you when you were on the verge to cum without him actually pleasuring you in this area. You knew it was coming, Daniel kisses were more hungry, teasing the flesh of your thigh turning red by the bite and the kisses.

His lips were swallowing, getting bigger by the unusual exercise they were carrying on, his tongue would feel numb if it was for the desire he had to taste you, letting it survive for a couple minutes still. You watch him, leaving a kiss on the wet fabric of your underwear, your eyes were blurrying by the anticipation of him finally finding your clit. His teeth end up moving the piece of dentelle that was the last barrier between you and him.

It was like he was home and belonged there, here with you, right in this instance, it was you and him against the world. Forgetting your environnement you let a cry escape a little bit too loud as soon his thick tongue was licking arousal. You thought that seeing the start was a legend, a fantasy, but Daniel had made you become reality as your head was banged back, finding the cold wall, your neck was stretching so hard that the blood was lacking in your brain making you see some sparkling spot. He needed you to stay quiet and as he tried to put one of his hands on your mouth he ended up finding the neck instead, squeezing it enough for you to moan his name as he was continuing his exploration of your pussy.

Your hands finally leave the grip of the massage table to find their new place around Daniel's arm. You were stretched out in front of him, so vulnerable, just for him and you were unable to give a proper reaction to being buried in the pleasure he was giving you. His tongue was teasing your entrance, making it hardening, pushing himself in you as you will. The thumb of his free hand was moving in a slow circle around your clit. He didn’t know the dilemma you were encountering, keeping your eyes shut and your head back or fighting his firm hand on your neck for you to see him eating you alive. You sure had to make a decision quickly because you were soon to arrive at the edge before you will let the orgasm consume your whole body.

By the sound you were making, Daniel had the confirmation he was doing everything in the right way for you. He never experienced such joy to make someone lose their composure due to his actions. He was feeling proud that he was finding it out with you. Every woman he had been with didn’t sound or look as beautiful and real as you spread in front of him right now. He could spend hours tasting you, how good you were for him, how reactive and sensitive your skin was becoming after being torn apart by him. How the thought of fucking you with his tongue had haunt his dream for the past couples of month now, but the reality of this was surpassing all his expectations. He wanted to be rough with you, all the dirty thoughts came back rushing into his brain, overwhelming him and sending twitch to his dick. Rather than being dominant, it was all about showing you how much he had wanted you and how willing he was to give you anything you wanted, because you deserved it. You deserved for him to make you forget every man you had sex with. Replacing all the bad and good memories with his own. Changing all the faces in your dream, planting his own in the own DNA of your imagination.

He could feel that you were holding it together for it to last longer, even if that meant losing the self-control you had in you. Your wall was tightening around his fat tongue. You were completely losing your mind at the foreword of sensation throwing at you at the same time. You were sure it was too much for one person and you could care less about the verbal explosion you might have in a couple of seconds. Daniel however, foreseeing your release, put two fingers in your mouth holding your jaw from your mouth, your lips closed themself around them and your tongue was soon relaxing on them. You bite his knuckles when his tongue replaces his thumb in one flick of the tongue, finally letting cum. Your legs were shaking and Daniel had to hold you for you not to hurt yourself, your eyes were rolling back as your orgasm hit you in small waves, sending you jolts of electricity around your body. Your brain was shutting down, the stifled moan never reaching the exterior of your mouth, dying down on Daniel’s fingers in sensual vibration that made his bulge react, begging to be taken care of.

It tooks you minutes to come back to the open world, Daniel’s eyes not leaving you for a second, admiring his work. You slowly come back to reality and automatically search for him, missing his touch already. Your eyes were still not open when you found the collar of his shirt and pulled him rather violently, crashing your lips together, taking a taste of your own juice still lingering on his lips. You sigh in the kiss, reassured that what just happened wasn’t just a dream and that you were far needing to wake up from it.You rest your forehead on his, the wave of pleasure was still leaving some after effects on you including dizziness.

You had to clear your throat as you realised no sound was coming it out the first time you tried to speak.

“ That bitch needs to go, tell her you replace her with a more living version. “

You couldn’t help but laugh at your own words and Daniel was smiling at the way you just described yourself.

“ She’s already gone, she was already gone before you burst into my room.

You didn’t know how to respond to that, but one thing for sure is that you will have a hard time making people outside of this room say that nothing happened between the two of you. At least you would not pissed them off and you were able to pacify him at any time.

MASTERLIST

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plsimsuchasimp · 3 years

Text

gone (cheating ft. kenma)

an anon asked me to write another version of this post, so here it is. i’m sorry about this, it’s definitely not my best work.

request: “Can you do another cheating fic but with kenma since he is my favorite character”

genre: angst

ft: kenma kozume x gn reader, a little bit of kuroo tetsuro

wc: 1.8k

warnings: fainting, angst, implied cheating

Flopping down on your bed, you picked up your phone and shot off a quick text message to your boyfriend, Kenma.

“hey babe, can we call? it’s been a really long week and I haven’t seen you in forever,” you wrote, pressing the send button with only a moment’s hesitation.

Sighing, you scrolled upwards a bit, reading through the message history. Recently, his texts had been getting shorter and more abrupt, often making excuses when you asked to see him or talk to him.

1 new message. Distracted, you scrolled down to see Kenma’s text.

“sorry can’t i was just about to sleep”

Frowning, you glanced at the top of the screen. 10:53 pm. He never went to bed this early, let alone slept. Your throat constricted, but you tried to brush it off, the thoughts whispering at the back of your head like malicious pixies, insecurities and harsh words. You stared at the simple string of words, wondering what to say. Are you okay? you’ve seemed off recently. No, you were probably just overthinking it.

“okay, have a good night! ily” Read 10:57 pm. No response.

Putting the phone down, you tried to push it to the back of your thoughts, but it nagged at you. Turning on your PC, you logged onto discord and noticed Kenma’s status. He was playing a multiplayer game, in a VC with one other person. Right-clicking, you ignored the feeling of distrust and clicked on the other player’s profile.

You knew her- she was a friend of Kenma’s from school. Kenma had promised you they were just friends, that you had nothing to worry about, but the insecurities crept in again as you realized he’d been spending a lot more time with her instead of you. Biting your lip, you looked back at your phone, the accusing text glaring at you. It seemed innocuous, seemed like you were overreacting. Kenma didn’t really get why you were insecure- he always told you he only had eyes for you, but lately, it didn’t really feel like it.

The last time you two had hung out, he’d laughed at something on his phone, then turned away when you asked to see what it was, muttering something vague about a funny tiktok. You didn’t think much of it at the time, but with thoughts crowding your head, you wondered if it really had been just a video. Kozume had always been distant- you understood that when you started dating him, but was it too much to ask for a scrap of his attention?

You were torn. On one hand, you wanted to trust Kenma, believe that everything he told you was true and he still loved you like he used to. On the other, your gut was telling you there was something off. Praying that he wasn’t hiding anything, you entered a different browser and logged into his Discord account. You’d given each other the passwords to your socials a while ago, your way of showing that you had nothing to hide.

Incorrect login information. The words appeared in red on the screen, the password field outlined in red. You tried again, ensuring that there were no typos, and it still registered as wrong. Your stomach sank, staring at the message on the screen. He changed his password and didn’t tell you. At this point, you knew something was wrong, but you didn’t want to ask him in fear of seeming insecure or clingy, both traits Kenma disliked. Before you could lose yourself further in the swirling tornado of your thoughts, your phone dinged with a new message. It was from Kuroo.

“hey y/n, are you up? we need to talk.”

Brow furrowing, you responded with “yeah, is everything okay?” He read the text, and then the call icon rang at the top of the screen, red and green buttons buzzing gently. You accepted the call, answering with “Hi Kuroo.”

“Hey y/n,” he said, his voice quieter than normal.

“Are you okay?” He sounded off, sad somehow.

“Y-yeah, I’m fine. There’s something I need to tell you, though.” You paused for a second, hoping it wasn’t what you thought it was, before he continued. “Kenma- Kenma cheated on you.”

“W-what?” Time seemed to stop. you couldn’t, didn’t want to believe your ears. Your breath caught in your throat, shock freezing your body in place.

“Shit, y/n, I’m so sorry. I just found out.” Kuroo was still talking, but you weren’t hearing him. It seemed impossible, even though you’d seen it coming. “Y/n? Are you okay?”

Startled, you choked out, “Yeah, I’m okay, just a little shocked.” a little was an understatement. “H-how did you find out?”

“Well,” he sighed, “I saw him kiss her behind the cafe yesterday. I wanted to tell you sooner, but I was still figuring out what to do.” Guilt laced his words, and you got the feeling there was still something he hadn’t said.

“What else?” From his slight intake of breath, you could tell you’d caught him off guard. He was silent for a moment.

“He’s been texting her on Discord for the past month or so. I think you know her, (f/n)?” You felt your heart crash into your stomach, and your worst fears were confirmed. Switching back onto your computer, you saw that Kenma was still playing the game with the girl, and your stomach clenched.

“Yeah, I know her.” He noticed that your voice was quiet, subdued, and he swallowed.

“Y/n, I’m- I’m sorry. I don’t know what to say.” He was silent then, waiting for you to speak.

“No, no, it’s fine,” You said, your voice oddly calm. “Thank you for telling me.”

“Of course. Hey, are you going to be okay?” He asked, unsure what was really happening inside your head.

“Yeah. I’ll be fine.” Before he had a chance to say anything else, you hung up, mind spinning.

Oddly enough, you didn’t feel anything. You knew in the back of your head that this was your way of coping, that the hurt and anger and sadness would come later, but for now you didn’t care. Methodically, you went to all of your socials and blocked Kenma, hesitating only slightly to block his number in your phone.

You shut off your computer and turned your phone to silent, sitting in silence on your bed. Slowly, your eyes filled with tears that spilled down your cheeks, expressionless besides the gleaming tear streaks staining your face. Your shoulders shook, and everything seemed to crash down at once.

Your body couldn’t keep up, the sobs overtaking you until you were lightheaded. The room was spinning and the shining moonlight was glinting through the blinds at odd angles, seeming to distort your vision. You couldn’t breathe, and then everything faded to black.

You woke up a few seconds later with your head on the pillow, dazed and hearing the blood pound through your head. You groaned and lay there for a couple of minutes, letting your breathing slow.

You got up and brushed your teeth, staring at your puffy eyes in the mirror. It hurt, to know the man you loved didn’t feel the same anymore. What did you do wrong? Were you too clingy, not good enough, not there for him enough? Why would he cheat on you?

Guilt vibrated around you, and it brought back the memories of every other time. It must have been your fault- it always was.

Sleep took you uneasily that night, creeping in around your obsessive, painful thoughts and lulling you to distraction.

The next morning at school, you wiped the pain from your face and moved through the day in a haze. You saw Kenma in the hallway, leaning against the lockers on his phone, and avoided eye contact. When you saw her, (f/n), anger and hurt swelled up in your stomach, and you tried to swallow it and avoid lashing out.

Later, Kenma stared at his phone as an error message popped up when he tried to text you. We’re sorry, the number you’re trying to reach is unavailable. A pit formed in his stomach, and he went to his other socials, reaching the same conclusions in other places.

“Shit,” he muttered under his breath, amber eyes scanning the hallway. You were already gone, though, and he moved through the swarm of people, eyes focused on the exit. Where would you have gone?

When he showed up at your house that afternoon, you were surprised. He doesn’t waste time, showing you his phone and bluntly asking “Why did you block me?” Your eyes widened to see him slouching there, clearly uncomfortable with going out of his way to do this. “Are you angry at me?”

“Kozume, I don’t really want to talk to you right now.” His face twisted at your use of his last name.

“Why not?”

At this point, you sighed, tired of everything. “You cheated on me. That’s why.” Your voice cracks in the last sentence, and the world stops.

His stomach drops as you turn away, the weight of the world on your shoulders. “N-no. Y/n. Please don’t go!”

Kenma’s not good with words, and you understand that. Sometimes, though, it feels like he’s not trying. As he shook his head frantically, chin-length hair swaying around his beautiful face, you could tell he wanted to say something, but he can’t.

“What is there to say, Kozume?” Your eyes were brimming with tears, your heart squeezing at the sight of him.

“I didn’t- I didn’t mean to.” Even he knows how weak this sounds, how pathetic of him, and when he looks back up at you, his eyes are shiny. “I love you.”

His words ring hollow, and you scoff. “Where was that love when you kissed her behind the cafe? Where was it when you were constantly texting her on discord? Where was it when I needed you and you weren’t there?” You shake your head, heartbreak written all over your features. It’s then that he remembers the declined calls, the unanswered texts, the neglect he subjected you to as he pushed you away.

“I hope you’re happy with her, because we’re done.”

He didn’t even have a good reason this time. All he knew was that he wanted you to stay, but he knew he didn’t deserve a second chance. Against his will, a tear slid down his cheek and dropped to the floor, making him sniffle.

There was nothing you wanted more than to pull him into your arms, cry into his shoulder, but you couldn’t. It hurt too much. You stepped back and slammed the door on him for the final time.

Leaning your head against the door, all of your emotions spilled out. You were silently crying, the ache in your chest almost too much to bear. You thought you heard your name outside the door, whispered just loud enough for you to hear, but you just sank down to the floor and let the tears fall.

On the other side of the door, Kenma’s phone buzzed. It was a text from her, and the disgust and anger that filled his stomach at the sight was enough for him to know he’d never forgive himself for hurting you like this.

“I love you.”

a/n: srry for the anticlimatic ending i was just feeling super bad and not in the mood to write but i wanted to get this out here, hope you like it.

#kenma kuzome #kenma x y/n #kenma x reader #haikyuu angst #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x y/n #kozume kenma #kenma angst #angst #kozume angst #kuroo tetsurou #kuroo #kozume

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imatechbummerliketomholland · 3 years

Text

You are my world. you three are my world now - h.h

hello there! I'm back ! Sorry if it tooks so long, i have a lot of work during these holiday. I hope you like this little request. I didn't have time to be proofread (but a big thank you to@petersasteria who is always there to support me!). Remember that my native language is French, so don't be so mean if i made mistakes!

Feel free to like, share, comment and tell me what you think. Send me a message if you want to be added to the taglist for my next work!

Word count: 2300 Warning: angst, mention of pregnancy, small mention of blood, mention of placental abruption Pairing : harry holland Request: yes!

ღღღ

You didn't expect to be pregnant with twins at your age. The announcement of your pregnancy had also surprised more than one. Despite her support, Nikki Holland had still given the discourse on the importance of safe sex to her son. But Harry had given a more than mature speech in defense of both of you. He was able to prove to his family and to yours that you were ready and that the decision to continue the pregnancy was not rash.

You were now at the half of your eighth month and nothing could stand in the way of your happiness.

Nothing except maybe this.

Nikki had offered to have lunch with her this afternoon. Despite his work as a photographer, no longer having the company of his four children - since three of them left the family cocoon to live their own life as grown-up adults- weighed heavily on her. You accepted with pleasure. Harry, who was editing his third short film, had left you this morning to go to the edit suite, not without checking that you were okay. So, you joined Nikki at the restaurant. You shine in your long floral maternity dress. In the middle of the meal, you felt a violent contraction.

At almost eight months pregnant, it was no surprise that you could feel twins’ movements. You winced a little at the pain and your mother-in-law put a reassuring hand on your arm.

"Are you alright, darling?" she asking, a little bit worried.

"Yeah, yeah. They've just been in great shape for a few days now."

You apologized and went to the bathroom, struggling to cope with the pain of your contractions. When you noticed that your underwear was soaked with blood, your heart rate increased. You suddenly realized that a series of symptoms corresponded to what you had dreaded early in your pregnancy: the nausea that had occurred last night, the violent contractions since this morning and now the blood. Rather alerting signals that suggested a placental abruption. The obstetrician told you that this was a possible risk since you were having a twin pregnancy. You started to cry and panic for several minutes that Nikki ended up knocking on the bathroom door.

"Darling, is everything good in there?" she asked you with her sweet and worried voice.

"Could you come in please" you sobbed.

"Sure, darling. Are you sure you're feeling okay?"

She stepped carefully into the disabled cabin that you had used for space reasons. Nikki immediately noticed your state of stress. And you just told her everything in strangled sobs. She put a hand behind your back and gave you a very serious look.

"We have to go to the ER. We're going right away."

"I want Harry"

"Don't worry, I'll call him on the way"

And you haven't wasted a minute. Nikki simply left her phone number and table number at the counter before you got into your car. Dom will retrieve Nikki one's later. Holland family been known from the restaurant, the staff were comprehensive about your leaving without paid the bill. When you arrived at the hospital, the nurses greeted you directly and wasted no time either. You were taken to the operating room without being able to get your boyfriend's support.

☙♥❧

Harry arrived within fifteen minutes of receiving the call from his mother. No doubt he would receive a speeding penalty ticket later. He looked like a madman, mortified by worry. He was a bundle of nerves and sarcasm. Her mother was standing by the reception desk, waiting for her. She looked anxious. Tom was there too, trying to contact their father on his phone. When Dom finally picked up, the oldest Holland brother announced the urgency. Harry was shaking with worry.

"What happened mom?"

"I don't really know, baby. We were at the restaurant and the babies kicked. She went to the bathroom and when she didn't come back, I went after her. That's where she asked me to come into the bathroom and you know the rest. I called you straight after that. " Nikki explained, trying to get the stress out of her.

"Oh my god… where is she now?"

"The medical staff took her for surgery. I had to wait here. I couldn't go with her, baby. I’m so sorry."

"Ok ... Ok, I guess I have to wait here. Hope she's okay. God, please make her be alright."

They all made their way to the operating theater hallway for the public to wait for more information. Tom was still on the phone with his father, explaining that it would be better if he stayed at home with Paddy so as not to overcrowd the waiting room. He promised his father that they would all give news as soon as possible. A nurse in a surgical gown entered ten minutes later.

“Who's the father of miss y/l/n's babies?”

“I am. Harry Holland, I’m the father!” he almost screamed and cried at the same time.

“Come with me”

Nikki stood up cautiously and walked over to the nurse. Harry was ready to follow the nurse without giving any further information to his family.

"Excuse me. Can you give us more information on her condition?" Nikki asked

"Sure. We had an emergency caesarean. The babies are fine but there seem to be some complications with the mother. The surgeon is taking care of her."

"Is she going to be okay?" Harry asked hastily.

"She's losing a lot of blood but we're doing our best. Now please follow me." She said to curly one.

☙♥❧

Harry followed her to the nursery. His heart was pounding in mixed emotions. He was so impatient to meet his babies but at the same time he was worried about you. What if you don't survive from the complications? What was to become of him? Would he be able to live without you? Would he be a good father?

His last question vanished when he saw his two little babies in the incubator. Your twins had arrived about fifteen, almost a month earlier than expected, it was normal that they were in an incubator. Harry was going to have to make sure they put on weight. After filling out a few papers, one of the nurses offered to do some skin-to-skin contact with the twins so that they could get to know the three of them. Harry could not but be impatient with this and once prepared he settled into a seat. He was overcome with emotion, understanding how his parents had felt when Sam and him were born. He completely forgets the time, spending several minutes with his sons, one after the other. Harry knew he would place all his love in the two little beings he had taken turns holding in his arms. He was ready to lift mountains, cross the tides. Part of his mind was on you and he truly hoped he could go through life's trials with you. May your family experience all the times they deserve.

The nurse who had brought him to the nursery go up to him with a half-smile. She was sorry to disturb him during this privileged father-son moment.

"Your ... hm ... miss (y/l/n) is in the recovery room. You can go see her now"

Harry's heart burst with relief. He let out a sigh he didn't know he was holding back. The very new father nodded before placing his son in the nurse's arms so that she could put him back in the incubator. He decided to go find his family who had been waiting too long now. When he entered the waiting room, his mother and brother were still seated. Tom had his elbows on his knees, the phone in his hand. He seemed to be talking to someone. When the actor noticed his brother's presence, he spoke to him.

"Hey mate, Sam's here. Wanna talk to him? What's up? Does y/n's alright? And the twins?"

"Too much question. Give me Sam first!"

But the result was exactly the same. Sam asked the same questions as Tom and Harry winced as he tried to answer consensually.

"Hello to you too, brother. The twins are fine. I swear to God Sam, they look like a mini version of us. Two sons by the way ... y/n is fine, she's in the recovery room, I'm going see her right after that. I wanted to talk to mom and Tom first. "

"Glad to know I'm the last to know." Sam informed sarcastically.

"Hey, I was going to call you but I had to, you know ... go meet my sons. Father's job, it seems."

Sam chuckled behind his phone screen as Harry smirked in a mischievous and petty manner. He ended the call with his twin and turned to his mother and Tom. Nikki made her understand that she had heard, she seemed relieved that you were okay.

"Hey, before I go see y/n ... you want to see your grandsons ... and you, your nephew and godson, asshole."

"Harry, language" said Nikki.

"Of course I want to see my godson, stupid"

"Tom!"

The two brothers smile at each other. Just because one became a father and the other was a movie star, didn't mean they were going to change their ways. It was also their way, both of them, to decompress events. Nikki sighed in annoyance but kept quiet, too happy to meet, even only through a window, her first grandchildren. After a brief walk in front of the nursery, Harry announced that he was going to find you, leaving his family to admire your twins. They seemed so impatient to meet them in person but knew they were going to have to wait while you woke up.

☙♥❧

Harry entered the recovery room and walked over to your bed. You seemed to have already woken up from your artificial sleep. He grabbed your hand to give you the support you needed. A feeling of emptiness was felt in you, your gaze landed on your stomach, flatter than you had seen in recent months. Your eyes widened in panic but the reassuring pressure of Harry's hand drew your attention to him.

"They are fine, my love. They are fine. They are in an incubator in the nursery."

You burst into tears. The emotions being so strong.

"I'm so sorry Harry. I'm sorry ..."

“Hey… hey… you don't have to. You're okay… the twins are okay. And I still love you, I love you more than ever."

"Have you seen them?"

"Yes ... ugly like their father" he joked

You chuckled with a few more tears in your voice. You knew he didn't mean it, but humor was Harry's best way to decompress, and it worked on you too.

"My family is here. You scared the hell out of them. I think Sam was about to order a flight to kick your ass."

You chuckled again. It was so impressive to see the love that reigned in this family. You could never have asked for a better way to build your own family. Harry leaned over to kiss you.

"I love you, y/n. You are my world. you three are my world now"

"I love you more, Harry."

You stayed a few more days before you could get out of the hospital. You had decided to introduce the twins after their own discharge from the hospital. That's why, after almost a month of going back and forth to the nursery, you could finally bring your twins home. So you organized a little visit to Harry's parents.

☙♥❧

The sun was shining on London and you squeezed the doorknob of one of the maxi-cozy, Harry carrying your second son as you opened the door to the Holland family home. You were amazed at the ease with which Harry assumed his role as father. He was doing so well that you fell in love with him again.

"Is there anyone here?" He asked

"We're all in the garden, buddy!" Tom said

"You are obviously in the kitchen, dummy"

"For god's sake, Harry. Come into this fucking garden and let us see the twins!"

You let out a frank laugh as you mentally noted that you were going to have to have a conversation with Harry and his brothers about the vocabulary they were using.

You are therefore entering the garden. You noticed right away that Sam had come all the way from Scotland. Harry must have organized this with him too. You smiled, Nikki rushed over to help you with the change bags and you thanked him.

"So where is my godson?" Tom asked in the same way he did at the FFH premiere when he was looking for Jake Gyllenhal.

"Where's mine?" Sam asked too.

You approached Sam, putting the maxycosy on the table to unbuckle the seat belt and take your son in your arms. Harry was doing the same with your second baby.

"I'm happy to introduce you y/s/n"

"And there's y/s/n(2)." Harry added, so proud.

Everyone raved about the twins as you wipe away a tear, happy and proud. You were so moved by the love that reigned. Harry came to kiss you on the forehead, you closed your eyes, appeased by his gesture. The world could only turn better in his company.

"It's family portrait time!" Nikki said, her camera in her hands. "Tom, please get closer to your brother. Sam, stand next to y / n"

You all followed Nikki's instructions, who couldn't be more than happy to capture this important moment, bringing her work and family life together. You all smiled as you and Harry were in the center of the photo, carrying your twins in your arms. And at that moment, you were sure that your life could not be more beautiful than at this moment.

#harry holland #harry holland blurb #harry holland x reader #harry holland request #harry holland x y/n #holland family x reader

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scarecrowmilkfog · 3 years

Text

♡My Prison Pen Pal♡

Helmut Zemo x reader

Word count: 1,802

Warnings: swearing, mentions of prison and crimes and slight angst to do with his family

A/N: its finally here! I havent writen a fic in a long time so hopefully you guys like this! I tried to avoid using idioms and things like that but message me if you need anything explained or reworded as I know most people aren't native English speakers

@sorcerersofnyc

♡♡♡

His first letter came during the series finale of your favourite show. A rather inconvenient moment, you thought, so it stayed on the welcome mat until you passed through the hall on your way to bed. Picking it up, you figured you'd skim the first few lines then finish it and write a reply before work. Instead, you found yourself writing and rewriting a reply through the night. Somehow this man had managed to enthrall you with only a letter. Maybe it was the way he wrote as if he was some elegant poet whose sonnets would one day be hailed as classics. How he managed to be open and expressive, exuding a welcoming aura, and yet still seeming mysterious. Or perhaps it was simply fated by the stars that Helmut Zemo would capture your heart.

You waited anxiously for his second letter to arrive. After sending the first, you hadn't cared whether you got a response, the whole thing seemed like a bad idea to you. But your mother was insistent that you needed to meet new people and this way you wouldn't need to worry about awkward face to face conversations. Sending the first letter felt like any other chore you do in the day, done with much effort and resignment but forgotten within minutes. But the second? It felt like the most important thing you'd done in a long time. You'd even bought a first class stamp (not that it makes a difference).

You wanted to know more about this intriguing man. No, supervillain. Charged with international terrorism. Jesus christ what the fuck was wrong with you? Were you really falling in love with a supervillain after one letter? But he didn't seem evil to you. He wrote eloquently, somehow his simple and brief description of his day (he'd started reading a new psychology book, you'd have to send him some recommendations) sounded fascinating in his words.

Over time, you started to notice small things about Helmut. The way he crossed his t's, how he signed his name, but mainly that there was a romanticism to his writing. From the way he described his home, his wife, his son to his recipes for Sokovian dishes with small notes and doodles (your favourite was his shepherd's pie recipe where he helpfully noted his mother's assertion that you should always add more than you think you need). It was becoming clear to you that he wasn't the stoic and vengeful baron you expected but rather a soft, lonely and endearingly weird man who you couldn't imagine plotting to destroy the Avengers. Whilst it was his mystery that first captivated you, it was his sweet and sometimes awkward personality that convinced you to keep writing.

It took a while for Helmut to tell you about his family. You had heard on the news back when he first arrested about his motive, so you were interested to hear his perspective on his crimes. But that wasn't what you got. Instead, he told you about when he and his father used to play football when he was young and how they would play a match every time he visited, with Helmut playing against his father and son, who always wanted to play with grandfather. He told you of the songs his wife used to sing, how her voice was always loud and shaky and after years of singing somewhere over the rainbow she would still forget the lyrics and invent her own. He told you how his son was the best pianist he had ever heard. How he could play the greatest rendition of amazing grace and that he had just learnt the theme from swan lake. That he had been excited to practice it on his grandfathers grand piano the day Ultron attacked.

There was something so human about this man. His love for his family, his loss and grief, his plan to avenge his family, it was all so tragic and yet here he was sending you drawings of the flowers from his garden growing up. You wanted to hug him and yet sometimes you felt he wouldn't need it, wouldn't want it. You were wrong.

Helmut Zemo missed his family. He told you so in one of his most recent letters. He missed holding his son, brushing his wife's hair, going for long drives, waking up at 2am to comfort his son, early morning trips to the shops, cleaning up after dinner, helping with homework. Everything he listed seemed so trivial, so meaningless in the grand scheme of life and yet the memories meant so much to him.

You realised then you had never pitied him before. Not that he wasn't deserving of it, just that he didn't seem to need it. But overtime you realised that what Helmut had really needed wasn't revenge or to make a world free from superhumans, it was someone to talk to. Someone to trust. Someone who would understand his pain and not judge it. Perhaps, you thought to yourself, you could be that person.

Fuck.

You couldn't think of how to cope with this. No one you knew had ever mentioned falling in love with a criminal through letters. And as hard as you tried you hadn't been able to find a single romcom with this plot line. You couldn't tell him. You imagined with his seemingly fragile state of mind receiving from basically a stranger professing their love would at best cause him to ghost you. Especially after he confided in you, shared his thoughts and memories.

So instead you continued as normal. You sent him pressed flowers and pictures of your favourite places. Eventually, he asked what looked like, and you spent an hour trying to decide whether you should send a picture of yourself or to just vaguely describe your features. After deciding to send a picture of yourself on holiday a few months before the blip, you found yourself wondering what he'd do with it. Would he throw it away as soon as he got the letter or would he keep it, tuck it away in some book to look at whilst thinking of you?

You also found yourself wondering what he looked like in the real world. You had found pictures of him online, but they didn't feel real. He was never rarely happy. The pictures pre Ultron were clearly taken by paparazzi, so you weren't surprised he rarely looked anything other than annoyed. There were a few though, ones with his wife and son, where he clearly hadn't noticed, and some from when he was much younger and seemed to enjoy the attention. Then were those taken after his arrest.

And so you continued to wonder he looked like. How he looked in the morning, with flowers in his hair or in summer with the sun lighting his face. You wondered what his hair looked like wet, if he ever scrunched his nose in disgust. You wondered what his smile was like.

Over time, you told him more about yourself. The stress of returning home after the blip to no job, no house and your friends 5 years older. Your ex was married with kids and your sister had moved abroad. It was as if you blinked and your whole life had changed. You mentioned how it was your mum who had suggested getting a pen pal, so you could talk to someone new, who was living a different life to you, although she had meant someone in a different country not jail. Since coming back you'd been isolated and stressed with starting a new job, recovering lost information and personal belongings and moving house, so you had thought it might be good to speak to someone who didn't know you, who couldn't judge you. You told Helmut how it had been good, how writing to him had helped you, how he had helped you more than he could ever know.

No, that sounded creepy. How you appreciated his letters.

Too formal. How you hadn't expected to become his friend, but you were glad to be able to say you were.

Helmut was comforting. You knew in your head that your meeting on Friday was nothing to worry about but seeing him say it felt so reassuring. Each one of his letters made you feel relaxed, feel safe. You wanted to make him feel the same. So, as a way to repay his kindness you had told him that no matter what happened, he could always trust you. And it was true. You couldn't imagine a world where you wouldn't do anything for Helmut and although you knew he would never need it, you still wanted him to know you would always care about him, even if no one else did.

Writing to him had become as easy as talking to someone you'd known all your life. You had fallen into an easy routine, you knew when to expect his letters and you knew when you'd send a reply. The routine felt so natural that you even knew what the envelope would look like, always the same off-white with a square edged flap. The address was always the same too. Except on his last letter. Which was strange.

At first, you thought Helmut had been moved to a different prison but after frantically typing the address into Google Maps you realised it was not a prison. Fuck you had no idea what it was, but it wasn't a prison. It also wasn't in Germany.

You sat still, staring at the unopened letter for a few minutes.

You looked up at the door. You thought you heard someone knock. The post had already come and you weren't expecting people. Hell, there wasn't anyone other than your parents who would visit anyway and they would have called first. Now you were sat still, staring at the front door.

"I know you're in there, the lights are on."

It was as if you were a marionette, being moved by some strange force that was slowly pulling you out of your seat and towards the door. You didn't even register that you moved until you felt the door handle on your fingertips. The cold metal caused you to stop, as if broken out of a trance. There was a sudden realisation that if you opened the door your life would never be the same. It was sickening, a mixture of dread and excitement; it reminded you of the moment before a roller coaster drops. You repeated that thought in your head. "Your life would never be the same". Your life hadn't been the same in almost a year. What would be the harm in one more big change. So you did it. You opened the door.

His smile was beautiful.

#zemo x reader #helmut x reader #helmut zemo x reader #baron zemo x reader #zemo #baron zemo #helmut zemo #tfatws

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hanazou · 3 years

Note

hello,, I’ve been feeling down lately and a loved one of mine recently has passed away...

if you are comfortable with it may I request a scenario of Atsushi and Chuuya comforting their s/o who were grieving over a death of a loved one? ;0 thank you I love your blog 💖💖

𝙘𝙝𝙪𝙪��𝙖 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙖𝙩𝙨𝙪𝙨𝙝𝙞 𝙘𝙤𝙢𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙜𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙛

Books : Chuuya | Atsushi

Genre : Comfort, romance

Category : Headcanons, short scenario

Shelves : Hardback | Paperback

Warning : Description of grief

Note : I am deeply sorry for your loss. I can’t do emergency requests but I tried to get this one out as fast as I could. I could only do short scenarios of this so I added headcanons, I hope this is alright. Once again, my condolences and please stay strong.

Chuuya has to ask you a couple of worried questions before it strikes him what you’re dealing with.

He will be on the verge of panicking when he first hears the bad news, worse if you're the one that has to tell him what happened. He instantly undergoes flashbacks from experiencing something like this himself and he fears that your coping with the grief might harm you.

If you can’t afford to talk to him like you usually do, he understands.

He stands/sits next to you, arms crossed, occasionally glancing at you to see if there’s any change in your stance, expression, anything.

He avoids staring at you directly in concern that you'd become pressured by him.

He’s ready to catch you if your legs fail you

Holds the top of your head lightly yet firmly. If you don’t show signs of protesting, he’d slowly pull you closer to his neck.

Getting physically affectionate is his prime card to comfort you, but before anything, he takes off his gloves so he won’t dirty you.

His fingers move kind of unevenly and feel rough, but that’s how you can feel his desire to support you

If you can’t stop crying or on the verge to go on a complete mental breakdown, he immediately collides his body against yours as tight and strong as he could.

If your legs give up, he drops down with you in his arms instead of keeping you standing with his ability and he’ll clutch your face close when you both land on the floor.

If you won’t hug him first, he’ll pull you to him. He forces your face down his shoulder so you’d grieve as much as your heart can empty while his hand brushes your back up and down.

“Cry as long as you need,”

Words, as I’ve once said, isn’t his speciality, but he tries regardless. He wants to make sure that you know you aren’t alone, that you have him with you.

He doesn’t talk as much but his distressed expression stays as long as he’s with you.

“You can take it out on my shoulder, you know,” He hesitates a bit, unsure if he sounds too rough.

If you can’t stop crying, he pats your shoulder, only knowing how to say “There, there” since he thinks it’s better than saying nothing at all. Chuuya thinks you need to hear him being there.

Chuuya squeezes through his tight schedule to make time for you.

He negotiates as best as he could with Mori to give him as much time off as possible.

If it’s impossible to take a week off, he goes full rampage in his job with the thought of you in his head motivating him to finish everything as soon as possible, making a mess where he goes.

If someone gets in his way, Chuuya shouts, "I've got someone more important to see, you punk!" while blasting them away.

He always brings food and drink over and makes sure you eat. He spoon-feeds you if necessary. He isn’t the cleanest but him wiping your face clean makes up for that.

"Come on, babe, you gotta eat," Chuuya says. "They won't like seeing you grieving like this, so eat, yeah? For them?"

If the emotions exhaust you to sleep, he sits against the wall and pulls you to him so you’d sleep against his body, making sure his limbs are around you so you’d never feel the loss of pressure around your body.

If it's cold, he wraps you with a blanket and occasionally touches your fingers to know whether you're staying warm or not.

Since Chuuya’s goal is to make sure you don’t feel alone or abandoned as I’ve mentioned, he does everything to solidify his presence.

He calls often if he has to be away, he sends food delivery, leaves short sticky notes, and sends voice messages.

It’s noticeable he doesn’t know what to say and even more obvious that he wants to keep reaching out to you.

Chuuya tries to strike a light and brief conversation once in a while. He’s disturbed by your uncharacteristic silence, it scares him.

“Do you want some takoyaki?” He’d ask randomly. The anxiety on his face never wavers away.

He does any activity that comes to mind when he stays at your place, but regardless of what he does, he’s never more than three feet away from you.

Always, without fail, kisses you good morning and good night on the forehead regardless he stays at your place or not.

Or if you're not opposed to it, Chuuya wants to take you to his place. He may still have to go to work, but something doesn't feel right about leaving you alone for so long in a place he's not too familiar with. At least in his space, you're constantly reminded you're not alone and that you're there because you're never abandoned.

Like a strayed ship in a storming ocean, your emotions are the waves storming your damaged vassal of conscience to the point that even looking forward to sunray from the bleak sky of endless cloud sounds mythical, making speaking a heavy chore. You’ve been exhausting yourself to sleep, soaking everything with your tears until it no longer comes out. It’s frustrating, it’s turbulent, so active in making you passive. Your tears run out but not the multiple stabs around your heart. Your voice leaves you but not the intensity or the transparency of hurt on your face.

It feels impossible, fictional, but if it were, then you aren't supposed to have your heart cauterized. It's the reminder of the bitter truth you're grappling against accepting.

If they had to go, why not bring the pain with them? Why do they have to leave you fractured, incomplete, empty, by transcending away while you stay behind, only able to watch them shrink somewhere unreachable?

Why do pieces of you have to be chipped off your already fragile soul, leaving holes in your essence? Why leave many pieces behind, why leave you alone?

“Hey,” A voice zaps your mind back to your head.

You remove your face from your wrinkled, moist, and sweaty palms, everything in front of you foggy from the swelling of your eyes. You still wear your dark clothes, unable to find the heart to change into something new, something brighter, after the sudden tragedy strikes. It was not, and still not is, in your capability to even stand up to eat.

Chuuya’s oddly timid and soft-sounding voice for this week is what makes you feel something other than rocking instability.

Slightly opening your eyes to see him, his figure before you hurts your eyes from how colourful he is. His face appears like a messy mix of vibrant paint, his orange hair, blue eyes and fair skin, and dark clothes sticking out from the stale background behind him.

A pair of silver keys, ones that unlock your door, stand out from his black-gloved hand from beneath his tightened fist. He puts it in his pocket and takes your hands, forcing you to stand and steadies your arms when your knees wobble.

"Have you eaten the lunch I had delivered here?" He pats off the dust from your shoulders and arms, his vibrant face still paining your swollen eyes.

Your eyes roll to the untouched paper bag on the table. You figure Chuuya’s eyes follow because of the stifled sigh he holds in.

"Babe, come on…"

"I can't," is what you try to say, although with your dry throat, it comes out like scorched empty words. "I'm sorry, I know you picked it with great care and thoughts so I'd eat, but I just can't, not when—" You catch a coarse breath. "Not when I'm like this, I can't yet."

"Still don't want to talk about it?" His voice squeezes. "You can't keep it in forever, you know, and you really shouldn't."

With your blurry vision, you figure that his arms extend open. A weak ‘what?’ is all you can hoarsely ask.

“Saying nothing, skipping meals and not drinking.” He says sourly. “Let out your grieve like how it should be done. That's what they'd want too."

Your tears make a reappearance at either a bad or perfect timing, depends on how you tilt your head to see it. They prickle your eyes, some rushing down your face.

“Come here,” Chuuya says, perhaps frowning from the way his voice changed.

Your eyes close slowly before opening again, your puffed eyelids troubling you from keeping your eyes opened. “I don’t think I can,” You sound like an overworked opera singer. “If I hug you, I won’t be able to let go and I might suffocate you without meaning to.”

You think Chuuya makes a sound of annoyance until a force smashes your body forward, lunging your face against him. The brief faint glow of orange earlier helps you process that he used his ability on you to bring you to him. Now his arms trap you in him, your forehead strongly weighted on his shoulder.

“Then suffocate me,” His muffled voice says from behind your head, one of his hands taking your arm to hold his body. “I’m always here.”

Your hands stretch his shirt with your tight clasp as you feel yourself getting lost in the waves. The turbulence crashes out from within you as you incoherently cry on Chuuya’s stable body, him becoming your guaranteer in the midst of the rocking forces that threaten your balance. His rigid arms support your weight as you wail out, ensuring that the waves don’t sweep you away, somewhere unreachable from him. He secures you, letting you explore the storm’s rolling waves while still grounding you safe.

“I’m here,” The soft wind in the storm grazes your ear. “I promise.”

Atsushi is one of the most sympathetic and empathetic people you could ask for when it comes to comfort you through your grief.

He’s nowhere oblivious to someone who’s hurting. He recognizes what kind of pain you’re going through and it doesn’t take him too long to identify what you’re feeling and the intensity of it although he can’t process it into words.

Atsushi is so worried sick for you that he has trouble thinking straight and his breaths get faster.

He’s really anxious about you feeling left behind or abandoned.

He makes sure that you don’t doubt that your beloved one who has to leave earlier definitely loves you.

It breaks him if you think of things such as disappointing them, unable to fulfil their wishes, etc.

Atsushi can feel your hurt as if it’s his own, and because of his heightened emotional senses, he’s quick to jump in to support you. It’s instinctive.

He’s at first hesitant to touch you, let alone comfort you with his embrace, so he starts with generic sentences like “I’m so sorry” and “You can lean on me” while offering his empty shoulder

It’s challenging for him, but Atsushi is persistent to comfort you with his words before he touches you.

He insists on speaking before holding you around him.

Atsushi validates your feelings by putting his guesses of how you’re currently feeling into words. He’s not the best with words so he’ll struggle to pick his vocabulary, but the things he says are mostly true.

“I’m sorry you have to feel like your heart is becoming stiff,”

“If you feel like everything around you is empty, I’m still here,”

When he does get to the point where he feels that physical touch can help you, Atsushi is very tender.

He starts with wiping your tears away until your cheeks are drier and offers you tissues. He’ll help you blow your nose

He removes the hair sticking to your face and wipes your face until you’re dry

He hugs you like he's the one broken; putting his face on your shoulder, arms hanging from your neck. It's because that he fears that you might get as hopeless as him. He dreads for that for that happen so he holds you with the strongest Affirmation he can give.

"I'm with you, I'll always be," He keeps repeating while he hugs you.

Touches your fingers most of the time and squeezes your hand

Atsushi fights tooth and nail to get several days off to stay with you in your place. He’ll have a whole speech prepared so he can convince Fukuzawa and Kunikida

He’ll spend the morning bargaining with Fukuzawa in his office after giving Kunikida a 15 minute TED talk about how badly he can empathize with your loss and how he’s rock certain you need his company

He asks Kyouka to help him make your food that’s easy to digest for the stomach, like soup and porridge. You can best bet that she’s going to add some tofu to it.

“Kyouka-chan helped me make this fish soup,” Atsushi presents you the bento boxes, unwrapping the cloth. “Let’s eat, okay? You have to keep your stomach filled. I’ll help you.”

If he’s unable to spend the night at your place, Atsushi makes sure to arrive at 6 am sharp every day to check on you, and the earliest he’ll leave is around 8 o’clock

He cleans your place every day diligently and does an excellent job at it. Doing the dishes, cleaning the floor, making sure the sink is clean and ensures the bathroom floor isn’t slippery. He doesn’t want an untaken care living space to worsen your emotional state.

Despite always bringing fresh food, Atsushi makes sure to cook fresh batches of rice to eat with anything he delivers so if you miraculously want to eat something, you’ll have something to consume.

If he has to leave for a while, he surrounds you with plush toys. If you don't have any, he borrows Kyouka's bunny plushies collection and arranges them around you, your pillow, the corner of your bed, and on your blanket.

Atsushi never wants you to forget that your loved one loves you. He does everything in his power to remind you everyday that although they're gone, the love they have for you will eternally stay with you and that nothing can ever change that.

He hugs you while verbally reminding you of that.

His hugs always lasts a long while if you're not uncomfortable with it. He can stay long minutes in that position.

Or he sits/lays down next to you in silence, doing absolutely nothing. He's anxious about the quietness himself so his fingers are always near yours.

Words of affirmation randomly comes out. Sometimes he talks about his personal experience to encourage you that everything will be alright, sometimes he tells you the reasons to his belief why your loved one's love for you preserves through all.

He keeps his talks motivational and faithful for the future. Sometimes he'd quote the things Dazai had said to him, filtering out the nonsense if necessary, or the things he always told himself in hope for a brighter tomorrow.

A breathing doll has been haunting your room for a week. It blinks, it moves, it can be spoonfed, but nobody at a glance would argue that it lives. It’s a doll. Calling it an undead is more generous than calling it a doll because of the existing needs. A doll sits inanimately, breathes at the bare minimum, and is devoid of wants and needs.

It’s the perfect status to illustrate how corpse-like you’ve been living like for this week. Your stone-cold face, just as cold fingers, eyes that barely shift, dried mouth and chapped lips make it a challenge to have you described as something living. To even use the word ‘live’ to describe you is contradictory and to hear the word ‘live’ suffocates your throat and clamps your once functioning heart. The indescribable pain mutes you, paralyzes you, turning you doll-like.

A broken doll, you are, once full, once living and moving until the one you love had to bid life farewell first without warning.

One tireless and loyal white-haired boy frequents you every day, bearing food and water to make sure the living doll in your room doesn’t fade into the cold. Cobwebs would have formed between your arms and your bed if he didn’t clean you off the filth you don’t bathe away, your nerves have been too dormant for you to feel filthy.

A bright white figure shifts around in front of you like a poltergeist. You pay it no mind. This isn't the first or second time you're seeing things that aren't there, or rather, someone who isn't supposed to be here. Your cluelessness to cope with the grave reality seems to have driven your brain on autopilot, it seems that this time it decides to give you a hallucination so you'd have someone to cling to.

A sudden snap startles your eyes to open wider, albeit without focus. Something black was in front of you, it had five branches and moves so... humanly. Like it's real. You trace it back to the white hallucination in front of you and it takes you a while to realise that you aren't hallucinating. The white haired boy who has been frequenting your place is here again today.

"Atsushi..." His name falls emptily through your teeth.

Atsushi’s mouth opens and his lips move in accordance. His face wrinkles to the centre. The inconsistent pressure he applies around your cold hand before holding you as tight as now tells you of how fragile he knows you are.

His mouth opens again familiarly. You shift your eyes to him without any effort to listen through the incoherent sound.

When his lips move for the third time, you figure out he has been calling your name. You blink twice and his chest deflates with a long exhale.

“You’ll pull through,” His hold around your hand boldens as he grit his teeth. “They had to depart first but they did so while loving you. You're loved, they love you. You can use that to push on, their love for you lives on and so do your memories of them.”

He observes you with high intensity as if expecting you to speak. You notice the disappointment when all your eyes do is gaze hollowly through him. You think he breathes in a sob from the sudden squeak he makes.

Your eyes lazily roll to follow your hand Atsushi lifts to put against his face. “I’m with you, I'll always will be. You’re not alone, you’re not alone, you’re not alone.” He chants. “You’re never alone, you’re never alone.”

He brings your hand down against his chest. Something beats inside to hammer you the reminder that it will never stop thrumming. The warmth reminds your nerves of something. It feels contagious, bringing you recollecting something you used to feel often.

“I promise, I promise, I promise,” Atsushi hurriedly says, “I’ll always be here for you.”

Like a mantra, his words deliver the familiar sensation his chest makes you feel to your essence. After your slowed blink, you tilt down your head and tilt back up, repeating that movement until it’s fitted to be called a nod. Atsushi heaves a breath out and pulls your hand to get between his arm and side until your upper body drops against his.

“They watch over you, I promise,” His hand holds your head as you passively breathe on his shirt. "Anytime and anywhere, they're with you, and so am I.” He says airily. "You're never alone and never will be. They're with you and I'm staying forever, you'll never see your side empty, I promise they watch over you, I promise, I promise, I promise,"

Your head tilts to the side, giving more space to breathe. His solid body exudes more of the feeling you don’t realize you crave. It reaches your throat eventually, nourishing you with words you once lost.

"Thank you," You whisper.

A living doll you temporarily are but not forever, and most certainly, a loved human you are for as long as the memory of your beloved and Atsushi keep you close to them.

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kateis-cakeis · 3 years

Text

This analysis is specifically for this anon

HELLO, Ghostbur did some SHOUTING today! Do you know how amazing that is? Do you know how long I’ve been craving that?! HOLY FUCK

Hi... Let’s reset. Ghostbur shouting at Phil was a big step, and even though he forgot all about it, it shows a lot about Ghostbur and what he cares about, and that in turn shows why he’s changed his mind on being brought back to life.

(All these quotes are from Wilbur’s stream, First Time Ghostbur Live: 6th Jan)

When he begins talking to Phil, he’s... calm.

“Why- Why did you- Why did you blow up L’Manberg?” - (17:19)

The way Ghostbur says this with such sadness, such sorrow. It hurts.

I MEAN LOOK AT THE POOR GUY! He’s emotionally destroyed by it. Because of Friend, because Friend’s dead, again, and we know what that does to Ghostbur, it hurts him. Because he loves Friend. (Which suggests that canon deaths in the Dream SMP are real, painful deaths, which is why they’re so serious in their nature.)

And then he shouts, and he makes Phil listen (after he tries to make the excuse that Friend has infinite canon lives like that makes it better):

“You knew Friend was in your house! You knew! Stop! Stop! Stop! You knew Friend was in your house! You knew everything everyone owned was in this town!” - (17:39)

This line shows how Ghostbur is thinking, him putting his head in his hands, him shouting, it shows his emotional state. He’s full of anguish and pain, sadness and anger.

But what does it suggest he’s thinking? That he puts value on people’s belongings. (Including books, because like rip to them, that one hurts.) Friend is a physical being, something he loves, but he applies that same love and value to what people owned in L’Manberg.

It causes him great pain to think of this, that those things are gone, without ever getting them back (a bit like death, huh).

Then we get this line, where he’s completely done with Phil’s explanation:

“I don’t- I don’t- I don’t- I don’t want to listen- I don’t want to hear what you have to say. I don’t want to have to hear what you have to say. I- I- I’ve read the history books, Phil. I’ve read the history books. You- You- You slayed the dragon, you slayed Alivebur. You were the- You- You are the St George of the Dream SMP. We understand, everyone understands that, Phil. But, look what you’ve done. How can you look at this and still see yourself as a hero. Sending a message, Phil. Sending a message?” - (17:58)

So, that’s a big quote, and every single part of it is so important.

His repetition shows his struggle with his emotions. But he makes the point again that he’s read the history books (no one else, but that’s a separate thing entirely). He knows what Phil did, hell! He remembers it! He sees Alivebur’s death as a good thing, and the parallel to him being a dragon and Phil being St George, where do I even start with that???

Because dragons in legends hoard things, right? So you could see Alivebur’s hoard as L’Manberg itself, that’s his gold. And Phil is the hero for slaying the dragon who wanted to keep L’Manberg from anyone else (which shows how Ghostbur doesn’t remember Alivebur’s final motivations for blowing it up).

But Ghostbur understands, he’s telling Phil that everyone understands why he killed Alivebur, only to point out that the destruction of L’Manberg removes the title of hero from him. He can’t be a hero when he caused so much destruction. (At least Alivebur knew he was the bad guy. Phil and Techno think they’re in the right, that they’re heroes.)

He specifically calls out Phil’s wording of sending a message. Ghostbur can’t understand that, because it doesn’t make sense. Sending a message. I get the implication of what Ghostbur is suggesting, that sending a message makes Phil the villain, makes him as bad, if not worse than Alivebur.

At least Alivebur had cause! Sending a message is pure evil, through and through. (but that’s just my opinion :P)

“So you make me suffer? I- I don’t know what Alivebur did, and I’m really trying to remember. But I know what I did, and I just wrote books. I built- Remember the lanterns we used to make? I built them. I- I built a house for people- I- I set up this area- I built this town just like I built Logstedshire, and I watched them both blow up. And I didn’t- I- I didn’t- I didn’t hurt anyone, and yet I’m the one who pays. Tommy didn’t even live here, Tommy didn’t have a house here. I sowed the seeds of peace, and yet I’m the one who pays for war.” - (18:47)

I picked out this screenshot specifically because he’s making this expression as he talks about the lanterns, the anguish in his expression, the way he’s looking out at L’Manberg, head slightly tilted up towards the lanterns. It shows how Ghostbur holds onto the good memories, but he feels the deep sadness of building up L’Manberg again, making it look nice, houses, the main area, he built that town more than anyone else, gave it a personality, only to lose it.

And he feels that, as well as the pain of losing Logstedshire. He makes the point that he hasn’t hurt anyone. And he hasn’t. Not physically anyway, the only damage he’s done as Ghostbur is the pain others feel knowing he doesn’t remember the bad.

And this line, this 30 second line, it shows so much. It shows how Ghostbur still feels how Tommy never even lived in L’Manberg (I know he had that house under Ranboo’s but he never really lived there like the others). It shows that Ghostbur feels like he’s paying the most because he built it, because he lived there, because he had the history books, because.... “Everything for L’Manberg. For L’Manberg, my L’Manberg.” (Wilbur’s Amangus with new and old friends :): 1:46:29, 24th Nov)

And he’s right, he set up peace. He called out Tubbo, he made sure to remind him of the values. He made his point to Phil that L’Manberg wasn’t doing things right. He made the same point to Ranboo. He tried. He read the history books, he kept telling people! But they didn’t listen, and in the end... he paid for it the most because he thought he had done enough, but it’s not enough. With L’Manberg it never is... was, I suppose.

“I know I’m forgetful, I know I’m an amnesiac, and I know I’m the comic relief in all of your stories, but I still feel this, I still feel things. And I try my best to make sure no one else feels it... And I just.” - (19:32)

This is Ghostbur’s turning point for the quote that comes after this.

You know what all of this is? All these quotes, Ghostbur making someone listen to HIM for once. All people have done since Ghostbur has been around is shout at him, belittle him, treat him like he’s stupid, patronise him, go against all of his wishes. Finally, this talk with Phil allowed him to take control again and speak his own mind without being beat down, he was loud, not quiet, he even banged his fist, something Alivebur did a lot.

He had his fire.

But this line... He’s calling people out, calling them all out. He knows he’s forgetful, an amnesiac, the comic relief in their stories (is that why he’s inserting himself back in the narrative? to put himself back in, to take control of his story again?)

And he makes the point that he feels this, he still feels things! And why would he make this point? For what I said above. He’s only ever been beaten down by others, or patronised. He’s reminding Phil that he’s still very much a being that can feel, he isn’t devoid of emotion, in fact he’s full of ‘em. All the emotions, especially sadness.

You can see it in his expressions too, the way he puts his head in his hands, the way he covers his mouth. He’s full of pain.

His goal though is to make sure no one else feels what he does - the sadness - which makes sense to why he hands out Blue like it’s gone out of fashion. It may be his unhealthy coping mechanism for his depression, but he’s trying his best. He just wants people to be happy.

But, as I said, this is his turning point. He hangs up on Phil and thinks for a moment, in complete silence, nothing but the sounds of the surviving campfires in the apiary to keep him company. He realises that Alivebur needs to come back, he knows that in being forgetful, he isn’t helping people like he wants to.

He knows as Ghostbur he can never make any progress (especially since he forgot the entire conversation with Phil).

And so...

“I take it back, Tommy. Tommy, I take it back. I’m burning in the rain right now, and I just- Tommy, I want you to bring me back to life.” - (20:07)

“Tommy, I know- I know I said- Tommy, I know how I said I didn’t want- I didn’t want to be brought back to life because I didn’t want to- Because that would mean me as Ghostbur would stop existing. But I want- I want you to bring me back to life. I don’t want to be Ghostbur anymore.” - (22:12)

These quotes are so important. They show how Ghostbur’s mind has changed from:

“Hey, Tommy, I was having a think about it, and I don’t think I want people to bring me back to life.” - (Tommy’s Alone?: 47:38, 19th Dec)

“If I am given a life, does that mean I die? Like Ghostbur dies? And Alivebur is alive but Ghostbur is dead.” - (Tommy’s Alone?: 48:11, 19th Dec)

To now wanting to be resurrected. He’s made peace with the fact that he must die for Alivebur to exist again (which is sus, like this poor depressed boyyyy). But he’s doing it for noble reasons, it seems, not uh.... not other reasons, I don’t think. He wants Alivebur to exist because Ghostbur can’t help as much as his alive self could.

And hell, maybe he’d be able to make up for his mistakes.

Overall, his conversation with Phil shows many things. Mainly, that Ghostbur saw what he was doing in L’Manberg as sowing peace, that he relates his love for Friend to people’s belongings, that this is his turning point in how he sees himself (and how he can’t stay dead), and that it’s him putting himself back in the narrative.

This one conversation had so much to tell, and I’m sure I could analyse it further but this is far too long (1.8k words). So, if you made it this far, thank you for reading <3

#dream smp #ghostbur #pls pls dont let this flop #this is the most intense analysis ive done on ghostbur so far #it's his turning point #he's putting himself back in the narrative #he made someone listen to him for once #he thought he had brought peace to l'manberg #i was gonna add a read more but idk where to put it #so uh sorry for the long post #dream smp analysis

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char-lotta · 3 years

Text

Forgive me not (3/3)

Pairing: Jake x MC

Words: 2,8 k

Chapters: 1, 2, 3

Summary: Forgetting is hard but forgiving is harder

A/N: See the end (spoilers)

Forgive me not, part three

You felt air escaping your lungs and the adrenaline just kept rushing in your veins, your poor heart pumped furiously trying to composure things which had totally pulled the rug under your feet. This couldn’t be happening.

“Can’t go offline now, huh?” she mocked you. Your muscles didn’t oblige your brains anymore, but to be honest, your brains were one slushy mess at this point. She was in control of this discussion and was pulling you in.

“H-h-how?” you finally muttered and heard her laugh bitterly. You couldn’t see anything funny in this situation and tried to find a place to sit down. The rain was pouring harder than ever, and you could barely hear her anymore. The thunder hit loudly; it was getting really near.

“When two adults love each other’s… - “she started, but then snorted, “- Oh wait. You didn’t love me.”

You tried to ignore her, since you knew that you loved her more than anything in this world, but you couldn’t. “I do love you”, you said in a quiet tone. You didn’t even realize that you didn’t use the past tense like she did, but she got it immediately.

“You love me? What kind of a man loves a woman and leaves her just because he loves her so much?” she asked. “What kind of man leaves a pregnant woman?”

“I didn’t know.”

“Well, you made it pretty clear that you didn’t want to know”, she erupted, and you could see her eyes on fire. You were still trying to understand what was going on, but the situation had gone out of control.

“Why didn’t you send me a message?” you asked dumbfound. You didn’t mean to blame her, you just wanted to understand, why didn’t she tell you before?

“Why didn’t I send you a message?” she spat furiously, and you knew that you had done a mistake. She literally exploded. “I tried to contact you months! I pleaded, I begged, I called you a hundred times, but it was all in vain.”

You could hear her tone getting muffled and saw those tears again glimmering in her eyes. “What was I supposed to do? You didn’t want to answer any of my texts”.

“But you didn’t say that you were pregnant”, you tried to be reasonable with her, but you picked the wrong words, you didn’t even get to finish your sentence when she burst again.

“FUCK YOU!” she yelled, and her neighbors dog started to bark above her in apartment, distracted by the noise. “It took me ages to pull my shit together and you are asking me, why I didn’t tell you via text that I was pregnant? Fuck you, Jake! And fuck me!”

“Well, that was the thing what got us in this situation, don’t you think”, you grunted. The dog was still barking, and someone turned lights on in the first floor. The place started to feel too public. “Could we please go inside?”

She looked like she would be going to slap you and you would not blame her for that, you would deserve it all. Before she got to say anything, you just took her hand and looked her intensely, pleading. “Please, MC. Let’s go inside.”

Something changed in her gaze and she looked thoughtful, and a few seconds later, she nodded withdrawing her hand quickly from yours. She leaded you through the stairwell to her new home, and you followed her as numb. While she was taking the stairs with loud thumps while marching, you could hear her muttering herself and picked up sentences; “all of the sudden he just shows up” and “I am not going to let him sneak in again”.

When you got inside her apartment, the brightness of the room blazed you for a second, since you had to get used to it after the street’s darkness. She walked to the closet looking for something, and returned with a few towels, handing one over to you. You took the towel with gratitude and for a minute, you both were silent while drying yourself.

Both of you were shivering of coldness, but you didn’t complain, and neither was she. She got rid of the thick and wet cardigan and you couldn’t help yourself, but you had to look it again.

The bump was clearly visible now and it looked so tiny in her body, and you couldn’t get hold of the idea that inside of the bump, was something produced by you. She noticed you looking at her but didn’t move. You moved your gaze in her eyes and looked her helplessly.

“I don’t know what to do”, you said desperately, trying to seek some comfort from her. She had always been so great soothing you and helped you cope the anxiousness and stress of yours, but now she was relentless. Still, it was unfair that she was the one who had to console you. But your thoughts were a mess and you just couldn’t understand how this happened.

“You do what you do best”, she said tiredly. “Go and leave me alone.”

Even now, when your life was shattering, you knew that you couldn’t do that for her, even though you wanted to get far from this situation as you could. Previously, you had put her in danger simply just being with her, but this… This was a whole new level for you. How on earth you could keep both of them safe?

Them…

The airways of yours felt tight again and you tried to get some air by moving your head and opening your mouth. One... Two… Three… you counted as you inhaled and exhaled. With your eyes closed, you tried to calm yourself now and could feel the rhythm of your heart slowing down.

There was a small tug in your hand, and you opened your eyes. She was nudging you towards the kitchen.

“C’mon, I’ll make you some tea”, she said, and you obliged.

You watched her boiling the water and getting two mugs in front of her in her cozy kitchen and could just admire her peacefulness.

“How can you be so calm?” you asked and hoped she wouldn’t get angry again. She looked you with a mysterious face but didn’t yell.

“I had enough time to panic already”, she said. “But those feelings you’re having now, well I had to face them alone.”

Her words didn’t sound accusing, but the rush of shame flooded into you. You had thought that it was best for her that she wouldn’t have to bear with you and risk her life for something you had done, but instead you had abandoned her in time, where she was needing you the most. You remembered your mother crying in the evenings for the absence of your father and even tough you were just a little boy; you had sworn that you would never be like your father. And you had failed miserably.

She handed in your tea and you took it in your own hands. Tea warmed your cold hands nicely and you could feel the blood flowing in your fingers after a while. You sat on the chair towards her and looked her in the eye.

She had never looked so beautiful as now. The dark, wet curls around her face, which were now calm, but those eyes… The green eyes of hers pierced you with their gaze, and you weren’t sure, what she was thinking. She looked so strong, independent, and full of life.

“I thought that you would contact me after I told you I have important things to discuss”, she said plainly and looked her hands, which were tight around her cup of tea. “You always told me that you would be there for me whatever happened, so when you weren’t… Well, I just didn’t want to humiliate myself more, since I thought you wouldn’t read my messages.” You could see the hands trembling in around her cup.

“I did read your messages”, you responded with sadness in your voice. “I tried to keep my promise to you, but with distance. I tried to keep you safe. I could never forgive myself if something happened for you just because of me. You didn’t choose this life, but I did. I knew that I would never be able to live normal life in the suburbs, having a job from 9 am – 5pm, couple of kids and a dog… And those things are still so important since I wanted to give you a chance for those.”

Her explanation was reasonable, and you knew it. You had promised her those things before… When you had thought that it was possible to be near her and keep her safe by you.

“But you never asked me what I wanted”, she reminded you with kindness in her words. That was true, but why would she give up on everything she had? You couldn’t even promise to her that tomorrow was going to be a better day, since you did have no idea of tomorrow. You could be captured, and she would get trouble, just for being with you.

“I wanted to be with you”, she continued, and you could see the tears in her cheeks. There was a lump in your throat and carefully, you caressed her cheek, wiping the tears with your thumb. She took your hand in hers and for a moment, you got lost in her eyes. She was so amazing, letting you touch her after all you had done.

“I am so sorry”, you said in a muffled tone, and the vision of her started to get blurry. And you were, so fucking sorry for everything you had done, for any pain you had caused to her. She sobbed quietly and you couldn’t resist yourself and went around the table to her and pulled her close. Her head laid in your chest while she cried, and the sound of her crying was the worst thing you had ever heard. She sounded so broken.

“I am sorry”, you repeated, hugging her tightly.

You couldn’t ask for forgiveness of hers and didn’t even dare to hope it. But you sworn to her, that you would always be there for her and would provide her and it all the things they would ever need.

“Jake”, she whispered through her sobs. “It is a baby. Baby of yours, not it. She or he will be a tiny human of yours and mine.”

You buried your head in her hair, smelling that familiar scent of hers. Being a father was not the thing what you had ever expected to be or even dream of and you could not handle the thought. It felt like someone else’s life, not yours, the wanted by the government-hacker.

“But how?” you asked again, needing to understand.

“Do you remember that one night? When we woke up in the middle of the night, needing each other’s? We made love in half sleep”, she reminded you and suddenly you remembered.

That one night, you had woken up and the only thought in your head was I want you, and you had woken her up by gently, kissing her neck, just below her ear as she loved it. You couldn’t remember using the protection though.

“It was only one time”, you breathed.

“And it was all what was needed”, she answered. The silence fell between you, and after a while, you felt urge to explain, why you had left her.

“They sent me a picture of you to remind me, that they knew who you were”, you told her, head still in her hair. “It was a threat without a doubt, and I couldn’t let you continue this mess of what I call my life.”

She clung on your clothes and told you that she didn’t care, and you didn’t want to hear it. She could not give her life away just because of you, you would not be worth it. “But you are worth it”, she insisted, and you couldn’t look her in the eyes anymore and turned your gaze away. She pulled your face back to hers with her hand and told you again, that she would give anything to be with you.

“I want to wake up with you every single day of my life”, she said. “Even if it means that I’ll give up on my life as I know it now. We are meant to be together”, she exclaimed, taking your hand in yours.

“Think about it; we would never had met without the kidnapping of Hannah and we fell in love via messages without seeing each other’s face. And when we finally did, I didn’t want to let go of you ever. Those two months with you were the best time of my life”, she breathed quickly now.

You couldn’t believe your ears; all those words were too good to be true. She felt exactly the same with you, than you with her. The living without her was nothing but emptiness and sadness, that twisted image of life alone was not worth it. The purpose of your living was right here, in your arms.

“I don’t know how you could forgive me what I did”, you said and meant every word of yours. How could she? All your promises were empty, and you had left her alone.

“I have to”, she said. “And I want to. Not just for me, but for us”, she continued and took your hand to her stomach, and you could feel the baby bump under your hand.

“I don’t dream of those things you told me”, she explained. “I dream of us being together, all three of us. We might not be the most traditional family, but we are still family”, she continued.

“I don’t know how to do this”, you admitted nervously. Nothing could prepare you for this moment advance, since this was the door in your life which had been closed forever. Or so you had thought.

“You just need to be with us”, she assured you. “Forget those pursuers of yours, we can figure out together how to get rid of those. We can always move outside of the country and start all over again”, she sounded little bit excited now.

For a moment, you pulled being reasonable aside and let yourself think about her suggestion. It was a possibility, but you would need a new identities and passports. You had friends who could help with those easily and first time in years, you had hope.

“I can not promise you that we would be always safe and clear”, you reminded her, but she hushed you.

“I know. But when the time comes, we’ll solve it out together”, she answered with assuring tone. “You just have to promise one thing though.”

“And what is that?”

“Stop escaping your happiness now”, she looked you in a stern face. “And don’t you ever leave me.”

You looked her in the eyes and knew, that there would be no turning back from this. The choice of yours was easy, but you still hesitated since this was her life you were talking now, and she was so eager to hand it over to you, just for the opportunity of being together. She saw the pain in your face and knew, that it wasn’t because you didn’t want those things, but you were afraid.

“I love you, Jake”, she breathed and came closer. Her lips looked so soft, inviting you back to the light. Your lips met carefully, having a taste of each other’s, but suddenly you felt this hot burn inside of you and you got greedy, pulling her closer, kissing her passionately, draining all the misery, sadness and fears out. She nibbed your lower lip and you let a small moan escape on your lips, why would I ever wanted to let go of this. Your hand was in her hair, grasping a solid place to hold on, and your other hand wandered in the surface of her spine.

You two parted as breathing quickly, grasping for air. Your hands stayed in their places and you just knew, that you had made your decision; you were going through this together. All three of you.

“I love you, Jake”, she repeated and looked you desperately. “You can not leave me again, I will not have it, you hear me?”

You nodded and you told her that you would do anything that you could, so you could have a fresh start together somewhere else. You kissed her lightly and caressed her bump gently. This was a wild territory for you, but you would do anything for your family, not just because promise of yours when you had looked your mother, but because you wanted to spend the rest of your life with them.

“I love you too“, you whispered to her ear and she rewarded you with a kiss.

A/N: This was probably the hardest chapter to write, but still, the quickest one. My idea of Jake being so insecure comes from his need to protect MC, even if it causes him to be in pain. He have always wanted the best for her. I hope you like this story as much I did writing this :) Thank you for sticking with me till the end!

#duskwood fanfiction #duskwood jake x mc #duskwood #duskwood jake #everbyte duskwood #jake x mc #jake x player

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snazzyscarf · 2 years

Note

so i saw your post regarding ruby rose dismenbering a man and i need to ask... are you talking about Tyrian? the Serial-killer who's working with the evil witch who's trying to destroy the world? the guy who had only a few minutes before announced that he wanted to kidnap her and tried to kill her friends? And who had just poisoned her uncle with his tail, and thats why hed had cut his tail of? Like in kind of confused about your point because you made it sound like Tyrian was just some random dude she attacked for no reason and i want to engage in good faith here

You said you wanted to engage in good faith so I'm taking that at face value and using this to elaborate my point:

So I made that original post at around 3am when I was fed up enough with the show's ableism to share my own opinions on the part of the series that bothered me the most. So forgive me if the wording wasn't the most clear.

I am not here to argue on the morality of the characters. Tyrian is a bad guy; he's obviously evil and never in my post did I state otherwise. I figured we all knew that was a given, but I've quickly learned that unless something is clearly stated in bold letters, people will just make their own assumptions. This is my first time engaging with the rwby fandom so that's my bad. Ruby's actions in the situation were fine. It was self defense and perfectly understandable, I have no issue with that. My issue lies with the placement of her actions within the show and how the writers decided to treat them.

The scene where Tyrian gets his tail cut off happens in volume four. At this point in time, the main characters are split up because of the aftermath of the fall of beacon. One of the major parts of this aftermath is Yang getting her arm cut off. In the first half of the volume they spend a lot of time establishing how traumatic this was for her, and how she's coping with it. She struggles in coming to terms with how this change will affect the rest of her life. How well RT depicted this struggle is a topic for another day, but they tried. They established the idea that amputation is a serious thing that has lasting consequences and should be treated as such.

And then they go and cut Tyrian's tail off.

Here's where my issues come in: up until this point the show had conveyed the aforementioned tone toward disability. And that on its own was well and good. Then they introduce Tyrian, a character which you're not really supposed to like. He's violent, out for blood, and has a clear mission of harm. They then reveal that he's a faunus with a scorpion tail, and we're introduced to a new and dangerous fighting style. One episode later, and that faunus trait is severed from him. Afterwards? Not another mention of it, aside from Tyrian quietly getting a new prosthetic made in the background.

The main problem lies in the presentation of Yang's and Tyrian's events. We all remember how Yang lost her arm. This dramatic, cinematic shot that slows down time and replaces blood with glittering yellow lights. It's obviously a big deal. Then we have Tyrian losing his stinger: a harsh and violent shot, that makes sure to linger on how he writhes in pain before calling Ruby a bitch. It's very clear which one of these presentations gets the favoritism here. One is prettied up and artsy, and the other is cruel and unforgiving.

Viewing these two framings of limb loss in juxtaposition--especially considering their close proximity time wise--sends a very clear message. Only the good guys get their disabilities treated with dignity. "If you're one of the protagonists, of course you deserve to have your disability respected! But if you're an antagonist, we have free reign to be as insensitive with the topic as we want, because, well, it doesn't matter when it comes to you does it? We get to pick and choose when we want to handle serious topics with tact."

My issue was never with Ruby as a character defending herself. It was with the writer's respectful establishment of Yang's character arc regarding disability, and how immediately throwing that respect out of the window with Tyrian felt like a slap in the face.

#ask #jr4cats #rwby #rwde #rwby criticism #rwby critical #tyrian callows

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aelxusx · 3 years

Text

HOW THE HQ CHARACTERS WOULD COPE WITH ONLINE SCHOOL

ft:Ushijima, Suna, Daichi & Kiyoko

Warnings: curse words my bad

an: (mini-rant) what even is school at this point. I love my teachers but they need to realize group projects aren't fun

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

-Ushijima

-I know we all want to give ushi the benefit of the doubt in this situation but-

-he strugglin

-Like struggle struggle

-Don't get me wrong, he is a very capable and independent person when it comes to most things. Most things except technology.

-I feel like he's good at so many things, like knitting, baking and differentiating between sny flower type but, he's not too well versed in the land of the internet.

-Obviously, he can use google, type an email and navigate Pinterest he definitely has a board called 'me' with just pictures of himself from matches.

-When the online school first started he got Tendou and you to help him set up a zoom account and show him the basic of telecommunicating platforms however he kind of trusted himself a little too much.

-The internet is a tricky thing and not every gets it as fast as others but come on man. I'd at least expect him to know what a breakout room was.

-The number of text messages poor Tendou received questioning him on things from-

'Y/n What is a classroom code?'

'How do you bookmark something on my toolbar'

'How do I know if my google forms quiz submitted?'

-Constantly

-Eventually, he got the hang of it and things became easier for both him and his best friend.

-At the end of the semester he kind of mastered google classroom.

-Need to know how many assignments you have due.

-BAM

-He's got ya

-n e wayz

- he puts a lot of effort into everything he does. This is definitely no exception.

-Keeps up his grades and studies as much as he can so he can stay on top of things.

-let's admit it he isn't the smartest person but he sees results when he puts in the work

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-Suna

-This mofo doesn't give a fuck

-'What's the big deal. I can literally learn all of this by reading the text any time I want Y/n'

-'Yes you can but if you don't go to class and do the tests you'll fail, idiot.'

-He doesn't care and he probably never will

-Let's look at it is his view:

You have 2 options, the first promise some sort of relaxation and comfort while, the second, brings literally only exhaustion, pain and trauma.

Obviously, any same person would pick the easier option.

What might that be?

-School or sleep?

-SLEEP

-His grades, failing

-His sleep schedule, disappointing.

but that's not the point.

-The point is- um. I ain't really know but wh-

-Moving on!!

-He sometimes tries

-Basically, he gets these random bursts of motivation during his nap breaks and gets shit done.

-Like to redecorate my room and make a monster wall at 4am kinda motivation.

-His teachers are genuinely concerned as to why he only really attends the first couple of classes in the morning. he falls asleep at 4pm and wakes up at 2 so-

-'Struggle' is an understatement for him when describing his experience with online school but, don't worry he'll be fine. maybe

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-Daichi

-Daichi gives me very much.......millenial.

-Well he is a millennial(there's nothing wrong with me a millennial by the way) -My point is his childhood was greatly influenced by social media and the internet until he was a bit older.

-Honestly, this is pretty biased and just my opinion.

-Learning how to manage each platform used in online school was the hardest thing for him to do.

-The number of accounts he had to make for this thing was questionable at least.

-Once he figured out how to navigate google classroom, Schoology and other platforms he quickly learns that he needs to figure out random websites that teachers used for different assignments.

-For example, in socials, he had to film and edit video on the sustainable development goals.

-Online school can be difficult for some and easier to manage for others but, it'll get better- eventually.

-hopefully

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

-Kiyoko

-This queen knows exactly what she's doing.

-I can't explain why but, I just know that she's handling this as if it's nothing.

-Assignments?

-Done.

Chaotic group projects in a breakout room?

-She's got in all under control. Getting people to co-operate and shit.

-Checklist with all of her assignments and tasks?

-Duh

-I can't explain to you how much she completely dominates online school

-She's always on time and if she has to miss class for a day she'll try her best to let the teachers know beforehand.

-'Y/n can you send me Tanaka's email so I can send him his part of the assignment, please?

-'Oh yeah Kiyoko np.'

-A short while after online school started her, Yachi and you started a little study group after school.

-Well...........not really.....it was mostly her trying to tutor both of you on the topics that you guys didn't understand.

-She's great and everyone knows it.

-Her grades are really good and she puts a lot of effort into what she does.

-She's literally good at everything

-ugh

-I love her<3

#hq #daichiheadcannons #haikyuuheadcanons #suna headcanons #kiyoko headcanons #ushijima headcanons #haikyuu headcanons #headcanon #blurbs #fanfiction #ushijima x yn #suna x yn #daichi x yn #kiyoko x yn #x reader #reader

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