Terrorpunk: Embracing the Horror Within.
For all those with identities that put others on edge. People with parts of them commonly used as horror tropes, people who act "unnatural" and put others off, people with stigmatized "scary" disorders and disabilities, people who have horror and fear intertwined with alterhuman identities, queer identities or anything else that people generally find off-putting or downright terrifying--but in spite of that, don't see any of it as a bad thing, and reclaim the horror that others see in you. This is for you--for the monsters and the freaks and the eldritch abominations.
This is about reclaiming the stigma placed upon you. Maybe you are scary to them, but maybe you don't care so much about how they react? Maybe you keep being your authentic fear-inducing self out of spite. Maybe you like being a little scary because it's become intrinsic to who you are. Being open about yourself and unapologetically doing so shouldn't be a fear inflicting thing, but if it's going to be that way, you're not going to change for them. You're you, let them be scared. It's not on you to become palatable. It's not on you to hide parts of yourself away. Maybe it's on them to not see anything unknown or new as terrifying. You see the horror within yourself as nothing bad, and you openly embrace who you are and who others with differing experiences from "the norm" are too.
You don't need to be anything in particular to use the label, this isn't a term to be gatekept. Terrorpunk is reclaiming the terror that others or even yourself might think of about any part of you. That's what it's about, being unapologetically you and scary by doing so, because if people see you as someone that fills them with terror, then maybe that's fine by you. You won't change for them.
Keep in mind that this is not a term to use to cause or justify harm, exclude others or further any stigma. No one by any means has to reclaim being feared, or being something that scares people. There's some of us that find power in it though, to take the stones they throw, pick them up and ask them what they have left to throw at us.
Those who exclude others on the basis of identity (transphobes, homophobes, TERFs, ableists, racists, anti-alterhumans, aphobes and anyone else who excludes those who act on good faith) aren't included under this term. Terrorpunk isn't a basis for your hate or actions to harm marginalised groups or anyone similar. It's not an excuse to harm people in general. It's simply about being you, and if being that is scary, then so be it.
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Whump Reference Post for Fingernail Removal Torture
Hi whump writers of Tumblr! I recently made a little introduction post in which I said I’d be making reference posts. This is one I already had typed up, because for some reason this was the first thing I thought of.
There are no images attached, but I’m putting the rest of the post under a readmore since the majority of the content is semi-graphic written description of the how-to’s and wherefore’s and such of fingernail removal torture.
To be clear: I will be going into as much depth as I possibly can without using images. The content of this post will be purely academic. There will be no artistic liberties taken. This post is meant to be as accurate to (and descriptive of) a real-life situation as possible.
I hope some part of this post eventually winds up being a helpful resource for someone!
1) Not as painful as it’s made out to be
-It's painful, but definitely not to the extent it’s shown in movies or whatnot. A lot of the "pain" comes from the shock factor of seeing your body without something it’s always had, as well as the inherent "wrongness" that comes with experiencing a part of your body being removed.
2) There is very very thin film of skin between the fingernail and the finger.
-If one is careful in removing the fingernail by peeling it back slowly, one can preserve this thin piece of skin.
-If one pulls the fingernail back quickly and without taking care, this thin film will rip, and the nail will pull away with bits of flesh attached.
3) The flesh under the nail will be vertically striated.
-If one uses the peel-back method, and is careful to not let the thin film of skin between the nail and the flesh rip, the skin/flesh underneath the nail will be as visibly striated as the fingernail itself.
If you look closely at your fingernail right now, you’ll see that there are many tiny grooves from the tip of your nail to the base. This is true for all human fingernails. If the nail is peeled back with sufficient care, those striations will be echoed on the skin underneath the nail.
4) The “peel entirely off” method versus the "peel back and then stop" method versus the "pull out entirely" method.
-The “peel entirely off” method is how I will refer to the method of grasping firmly the tip of the fingernail in some sort of vice (usually pliers) and then peeling it backwards, moving the pliers from the nail at the tip of the finger towards the hand itself. Using this method, the nail will remain firmly grasped in the pliers the entire time. The movement of the pliers only stops when the base of the nail is ripped entirely out of the finger.
This will necessarily result in ripping out a fair bit of skin past the cuticles, as the technical base of the nail (aka “nail matrix”) is generally around half a centimeter hand-wards past the cuticles (and follows the curve of the nail, so is deeper than the cuticles as well). Due to the nature of skin, I would expect a tear reminiscent of an extremely deep hangnail that goes from the base of the cuticles to at least halfway between the first and second knuckle (and at most goes to the second knuckle).
In this case, it is not guaranteed that the nail will grow back. There is a chance it’ll come back, but there is also a chance that the nail matrix is permanently damaged and will not be able to grow a new nail.
Since every human is different, there’s not an exact science to determining where a person’s nail matrix is before it’s ripped out. A (very) general rule of thumb is to follow the curve of the existing fingernail, and draw a point on that curve before it hits bone. Obviously, this is extremely subjective.
-The “peel back and then stop” method is how I will refer to what is essentially the previous method, but one stops before the nail-ripping goes past the cuticle and snips off the peeled part, leaving a milimeter or so of fingernail existing on the nailbed.
In this case, it is assured that the nail matrix is undisturbed, and the fingernail will grow back.
This is the method I will assume is taken for the future steps
-The “pull out entirely” method is how I will refer to the situation where one grasps the protruding part of the nail firmly, and applies force away from the hand and in the direction the finger points.
In this case, there’s a large chance that the nail will rip. This depends largely on the care taken with the pulling object (pliers, usually) to grab the nail exactly parallel with the sides of the pliers.
If any part of the pliers digs into the nail at a singular location, this will create a point at which pressure will build up, and the nail will likely rip at this location. The strength of the individual’s nails also affects the ripping. The individual’s nail strength can vary based on nourishment as well as on a general person-to-person basis.
Personally, I do not recommend this method.
-If one wants to make the removal definitely permanent, there’s the possibility of peeling it back all the way down and out, and then chemically burning where one assumes the nail matrix is. (Some serious irl hikers do this to their toenails on purpose, to reduce the chances of getting ingrown toenails from being laced into hiking boots for days on end.)
Removing the nail permanently will obviously reduce the opportunity to peel it off again, but will give a permanent Horrific Aspect to the victim.
5) For the first three days, the exposed flesh will be painful.
-The entire tip of the finger will be a constant deep and throbbing pain. Any deviation from this norm will be an increase in pain, never a decrease (save medication or an ice-bath-for-full-minutes immersion to the point of numbness).
-Any contact with the exposed nailbed will increase the pain. Knocking the exposed flesh against anything, even extremely gently, will result in a visible bright red welt under the thin layer of skin (bright red on light skin only! on darker skin, the welt will still be visible, but will show as a dark red-brown). It is a visual similar to an extremely tiny, non-protruding blood blister. Knocking the nailbed against something less gently will result in fully scraping off that delicate outer layer of skin.
-Using the finger for anything will be painful (though not unbearably so), and it may even be painful to bend the finger at all.
-Any moisture on the exposed flesh (including anything from regular water to antibiotic ointment) will hurt a lot. This will intensify the throbbing at least twofold across the entire nailbed, and will also result in an amount of stinging as if one had just realized one had been stung by a bee.
6) For treatment and healing thereof (if quick healing is desired)
For those first three days, any bandaid application is inadvisable
-The exposed flesh will be so tender and vulnerable that any bandaid (even the non-stick kind) will stick to the exposed flesh and rip it upon removal. I can only assume this is in part due to the curvature of the finger, which means that any wrapping-around type bandaid will inherently put pressure on the nailbed, resulting in sticking.
-To promote healing, the first three days should be without any sort of covering on the wound.
After the first three days, a scab will form.
-At this point, the pain will be much less. it might be uncomfortable to bump the nailbed into objects, but it will not be the same pain as in the first three days.
-The wound will also be much less sensitive to moisture.
-When the scab starts to crack (usually a vertical crack), one should apply antibiotic ointment and a bandaid. At this point in the proess, it is desired for the scab to remain as consistently moist as possibly. This will help the scab fall off when it is ready to do so.
-At this point, the finger can be used normally (within reason) without much (if any) pain.
After two or three days with the bandaid covering, the scab will start to fall off.
-One may expedite this process if one is careful.
-At this point, the skin on the nailbed is sensitive to the touch, but not to the point of pain.
-There will be some dry, loose skin around the edges of the nailbed.
-The previously visible striation will no longer be there.
-Pressure on the exposed nailbed will not be necessarily painful, but it will feel decidedly Odd. Though not painful, It will be an extremely sensitive area.
-The nailbed will be a delicate pinkish color.
Around a week after the initial scab falls off, there will appear to be another scab. It will be a relatively thin layer of dry, dead skin.
-If the nail is allowed to grow normally, it is likely that it will cover this second scab before it has the chance to fall off.
-If the stub of the fingernail is trimmed routinely, it is possible for the scab to fall off, leaving only relatively smooth unblemished skin where the nailbed is. This skin will be roughly the same color and texture as the skin on the tip of the finger.
7) The rate at which fingernails grow back is extremely slow
-The average growth rate is about 3.5 milimeters per month. There are several factors that can cause this to vary:
-Fingernails on the dominant hand grow back faster than the nails on the non-dominant hand.
-Fingernails grow back faster than toenails.
-Nails grow back faster in warm weather than in cold weather.
-Depending on the nail and the aforementioned conditions, one can expect a total regrowth time of anywhere from three to six months (or more).
8) Life Without Fingernails
-Fingernails affect a large part of our everyday lives. We mostly use them when we’re manipulating objects with our hands, and we use them to scratch. It doesn’t seem like a lot, but it’s a lot. It’s hard to explain just how weird it is to not have fingernails to someone who’s never experienced it, but here goes:
-Fingernails are the Hard Backs used to brace our fingers against a hard shell when we manipulate something with our hands. If you pinch your fingers together right now, you’ll see a white band along the top of your fingernail. This is where the pressure from the pinching goes; it’s braced against your nail.
-Picking something up without fingernails feels extremely odd the first few hundred times you do it. It takes a long time to get used to it.
-Writing is even worse. Without the hard shell backing your fingers, the pencil tends to slip out of your grip more often. If you usually have long enough fingernails that you balance your pen/pencil on them, you’re extremely likely to have the pencil completely slip out of your grip multiple times a sentence.
-You don’t realize how much you unconsciously scratch itchy parts of your body until you no longer have the ability to do so. If you’re only missing a few nails, you have to consciously adjust your hand so that you can scratch with the existing ones. If you’re missing all of them, you have to actively find an external object to alleviate the itch.
Some places on the body one can scratch with their teeth, but for most places, one needs to either find an “itch stick,” or rub that part of their body on something scratchy. A lot of clothing is scratchy enough to work for this. One needs to learn how to vary the pressure so that one can alleviate the itch without tearing through the skin or scratching themselves.
Pros:
-Body horror
Fingernail removal is a more mentally significant mutilation than cuts or burns, if only because it draws on the "that was there and now it's not" aspect of body horror.
-Can be inflicted more than once
Since fingernails grow back, they can be removed again and again and again. Though it may take some time for the nails to regrow, it isn't even close to the type of permanent that’s chopping off a finger or a toe.
-Helplessness
Since it takes a few days for the nailbeds to heal enough to be able to use one's fingers, a complete removal of all fingernails will take away one's ability to use their hands. Even after this initial period of extreme sensitivity, the lack of fingernails is something most people aren’t prepared for. The previous section explaining how fingernails affect daily life is significant here.
Cons:
-Can’t repeat often.
Once a fingernail is off, it's not coming back for at least three months (likely longer). It doesn't have the relatively quick reset time that burns or cuts do.
-Relatively short amount of time in pain
All of the pain is in the first few days. It is inconvenient afterwards, but there is little to no pain at this time.
-Amount of care needed
One needs to be relatively careful inflicting this. Fingernails are not as resilient as you'd think, and the likelihood of them ripping before you can finish ripping them off is fairly large if you're not being careful.
If you have a short-tempered or impatient whumper, this might not be their particular wheelhouse.
Conclusion
Overall, I’d say that the effectiveness depends entirely on the desired result. The time it takes for the fingernails to regrow versus the amount of time in which the subject is in pain is not a very productive ratio, so if you’d want your whumper doing a particular torture regularly, I wouldn’t recommend this.
However, if the whumper’s goal is to appeal to the body horror aspect without permanent damage, this is a great option. The fact that it takes nails so long to regrow gives the victim a sense of horrified freakishness. It also has the added benefit of reducing the victim’s maneuverability far after the fact.
The semi-visible nature of this method of torture can be effective if one wishes to horrify characters outside the whumper/whumpee relationship. You don’t immediately look at other people’s hands when you meet them, and as such it might take a while for outside characters to notice the lack of fingernails (especially if they’re past the three day mark). But once they notice, it will be hard to look away.
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Hi I’m curious what exactly do you mean by bingmei being extremely good at communication? I haven’t read sv in quite some time and don’t remember many of his interactions with anyone other than sqq
Oh goody, I have validation to discuss this! First and foremost, I am studying western communication so I will be doing more general explanations when discussing theories. Second, the translated work I will be discussing is the Scum Villain Self Saving System; Seven Seas Entertainment translation. This is for clarification purposes on examples I will be using to explain what I mean. As for person being studied, I will only be discussing Lou Binghe's (Bingmei for the majority) communication style.
Alright, first off we will be discussing how Lou Binghe speaks to others. This is important because not all communication is *verbal* communication. Going in a chronological order for LBH's communication towards SQQ we see a very specific communication verbal style. LBH uses I-messages (or owned messages) to specifically state how he feels and how he hopes to fix or continue this in the future. Not unusual for students to use towards their teachers, as this is polite to do. However we can see that this continues even as LBH get's angrier with SQQ.
In the very first meeting, SQQ asks how LBH is doing with his cultivation and LBH says, "This disciple is stupid and still...failed to understand." (pg. 30, book 1) which is a perfect example of the I-message set up LBH has. "This disciple" is a statement of possession in his wording, what he is saying is that this statement is true of his own knowledge. "is stupid" is the modifier of this statement and "failed to understand" is the content. Essentially he is purposefully giving a statement that is non aggressive in communication theory of interpersonal relationships. Later, during the carriage incident before the Skinner Demon arc LBH also gives a non-aggressive statement towards Ming Fan "I wouldn't dare" (pg. 53, Book 1). This being another I-statement (added as it is known that SQQ is watching).
"Ning Yingying-shijie went with me to the city's market earlier today, Luo Binghe said. "Once evening fell, I urged Shijie to return, but she refused--then somehow she suddenly vanished. This disciple...searched the entire street once but couldn't find her, and he could only come to plead with Shizun for help."
This is another good example of said I-message use, LBH (even panicked) starts this by explaining the I-message owners (the people who know this info) and says "Ning Yingying-shijie" and "me" in a non aggressive statement opener. By then continuing to explain the situation and modified the information by his own feelings on the matter. By stating that evening fell and that she vanished, he is giving information (content) to SQQ but modifies it by stating that LBH "urged Shijie to return" and "searched" and "plead" he is modifying the information to suggest that he did his best and needs help in a non threatening manner. Another example of this is during the Skinner incident aftermath, where LBH asks SQQ if he may know the reason SQQ used him as bait. Upon given the promise that he would not die, he states, "If this disciple could give up his life for Shizun, it would be an honor." Once again this is a modified statement meant to be nonthreatening in communication theory. Now that we have gone over this era of LBH, lets jump to Meng Mo to explore the Dream sequence verbal communication.
A slight variation from the previous Communication! This era of LBH has made an assumption over SQQ's past actions and now is a tad looser than previous communication events. Instead of being timid with his questions, LBH specifically asks every single question he can to SQQ to verify whats happening and to gather more information. He continues, however to use the same I-mesage format for most sentences towards SQQ. Any and all variation of these statements are towards enemies (Sha Hauling's Demons, and Meng Mo) and when SQQ is harmed. LBH will give more aggressive statements that *demand* information, but rarely does he insult or do anything more aggressive than that in speech. The only times he has done so at this point are in defense of SQQ's life, as at that point he had been under the assumption he was dying. Skipping waaay ahead lets discuss verbal communication in the Abyss scene, as everything up to this point is very similar and does not have an emotional charge to it that would suggest a change in speech.
Noticeably, his speech pattern doesn't change but we get a new message type in this! A you-message are usually aggressive in communication style as you are stating something about someone else that might not be true, however in this instance it is a true statement. Probably implying that LBH would not have stated such a thing if he was not sure of what he was saying about SQQ. He states, "But Shizun, you said before that just as people can be good or bad, demons can be good or evil" which is a you-message with the content being people and demons with modifier being good, bad, and evil. Hes basically using past words to clarify an assumption in this instance, which isn't necessarily a wrong thing to do but there are better ways to ask this. He even continues this by saying, "But you said..." at a later part. Ending this scene he says, "Shizun, do you really want to kill me?" all around this scene is a rather good example of what I mean by LBH being a good communicator! Hes sticking to asking clarifying statements, and using I-messages to explain whats going on. Not only that, but hes not in the wrong for this scene and doesnt know that SQQ is agreeing with him in his mind. (pp. 248-249, book 1).
Lets skip to the next book and discuss the Jinlan City incident. Which I can say with immediate disdain, is when Xin Mo comes out to play in LBHs speech patterns. Before the abyss, LBH used a lot of I-messages and only stated things he knew to be true about himself (what he felt) and what he knew about others (information shared or told to him by said individual). Afterwards, due to both Xin Mo and trauma, we have an individual who uses a lot more you-messages and makes a lot more assumptions about individuals around him. He still asks a lot of clarifying questions/statements however, and even makes some of his more aggressive you statements tilted in such a way that SQQ could deny it.
Examples of what I just said appear in the chase scene:
"No, I should say, a relentless hatred towards me." (pg. 54, book 2). and "Does Shizun honestly think that I would kill, burn, massacre cities, and inevitably topple countries just because of that half of my lineage?" (pg. 55, Book 2)
Its also the first time we get something new new from LBH, he starts insulting people in book 2! Towards SQQ he says, "Utter hypocrisy!" which is a major first for a lot of LBHs speech patterns. If he did insult people before this, he did so in a polite conventional way (email style lmao). Speeding up to get to the prison scene, there are more notable moments in the accusation stage where LBH continues to use more you messages to state what he does know about SQQ. This reads more along the lines as a defense, and a way to subtly imply that he wants to make sure he wasn't misunderstanding SQQ previously. As all you message statements he uses tend to be more questioning in nature (unless about how LBH was treated or taught by SQQ specifically).
In the prison scene, LBH states direct facts to LPM (its in a month, what are you doing, etc.) while towards SQQ he asks more clarifying questions about why he did what he did and what he wants. Its only after being refused answers that he reverts back to using more I-messages. "I knew the answer, but I still asked Shizun. I'm so stupid." (pg. 100, book 2) (Again with the stupid comment, it would appear to be a theme).
In the confrontation on rooftop scene, a tad too long for me to quote if we wish to get to emotional bids and nonverbal communication in this post, LBH is spitting mad and Xin Mo is active to an absurd degree because of backlash. This also has an affect on LBH! (something I will continue to point out because I am losing my mind over fanfic after fanfic acting like LBH is always yandere girlfriend mode 24/7. Hes not!!! Its literally Xin mo!!) He states his feelings over his past, and what he felt towards SQQ at that moment in mostly aggressive style communication. This being a lot of yous and a lot of accusation speech. This leads to the explosion and Xin Mo being cleared from LBH. He almost immediately starts using only I-messages again and clearly goes into shock, but he does revert back from you messages at this point.
Ironically, I found that when LBH is talking to himself (presumably) he only uses you messages because he thinks hes talking out what he knows to himself. As such, he does not worry about being polite at all before he kisses SQQ in his dreams. Its only after that he uses an I-message towards SQQ, and its more or a clarification statement. At around this point in the novel we get a healthy does of what a stable Xin Mo carrying LBH, and its someone who uses equal amount of you and I messages.
Going to book 3, we'll just go over his ending monologue/breakdown because. Listen, we're a few pages into this and I highly doubt anyones going to read this far. I feel like Peerless Cucumber absolutely wailing about PIDW latest chapter, this is an absurd post.
Anyway, towards absolute desolation, we will start discussing this segment with "Is that so? But I don't trust Shizun anymore." (pg. 287, book 3). Almost every line in this segment is a picture perfect communication breakdown on what and why LBH feels the way he does in an interpresonal relationship. He specifically states how he feels about SQQ, how this happened, why this feeling specifically, and what this means for them now. He then states how he feels about himself, and why! This is very important, because this is the basis of solid verbal communication. LBH even states how they can continue and how all this can be fixed. Of course, none of this is healthy but hey! It's theoretical good communication, not healthy communication (the major issue I see in this fandom is differentiating the two). It's after this last breakdown that he defaults to I-messages for the majority of the Ridge arc. It becomes more childish as time goes on, I will admit, but Xin Mo is full influence on LBH at this moment in time. It's after the papapa to save the world that we see something interesting, LBH goes back almost fully to just I-message speech pattern. This is notable because this is after everything intense happened and he has had time to think it over. Before now, when left to his own devices and forced to reckon with SQQ almost dying he would revert to you-message centric speech patterns but this is after Xin Mo. Since this is no longer a factor, LBH has taken to falling back towards his disciple era speech patterns. Basically, LBH has begun to take on a healthier and theoretical amazing communication technique because this is forcing SQQ (and others) to acknowledge the scenario and feelings of the matter.
Now getting onto Emotional bids! This is something LBH does almost the entire three books, any and all times LBH has stated "Shizun" by itself was an emotional bid. (emotional bids being an act or word usage to get your relationship pattern to acknowledge you or to showcase that they care about you). It's important to note that LBH's main way of emotional bids is verbal, he almost never goes the physical route for emotional bids. Yes, he does use physical means to make SQQ pay attention to him but this is more along the lines of staying in the conversation than acknowledging LBH specifically as someone SQQ cares for. Its only during the hand holding time that LBH uses an emotional bid in such a way, its also why it hurt LBH a lot more when SQQ seemingly turned away from it. Of LBH and SQQ, LBH uses the most emotional bids and lets SQQ respond to them in anyway. SQQ is, however, an idiot and doesn't notice most of them or actively misreads them. Its actually funny how many times I can count an emotional bid that SQQ ignores in a chapter (more than 10).
Nonverbal communication, ah how I hate thee in this instance, it covers 60-90% of human communication. LBH is more of a verbal communicator but also does use haptics and proxemics to communicate. Touch and distance, he uses these to insinuate different scenes and feelings on SQQ as a whole. Basically, LBH uses verbal communication to clarify but uses touch and distance to set tone for this communication exchange.
Now, what does LBH do wrong in communication? Strangley enough he does one thing very wrong despite the fact that he asks for clarification communication a lot. He mind reads (the act of assuming what someone is thinking) a lot because of the mixed signals he gets from SQQ. SQQ lacks the ability to verbally communicate certain things because of the system, this makes LBH have to decode a lot of nonverbal communication in hopes of understanding things. He fails. A lot. This is fair to him, but this is the main problem that facilitates the miscommunication of the entire series. Both LBH and SQQ think they know the other better than they do, and thus lead to problems when they actually do try to communicate with the other. Frustrating! I know!
TLDR; LBH as a whole is a theoretical good communicator with a slight assumption problem, but I didn't say that its healthy communication :3
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