.

So I've watched Samurai Sentai Shinkenger over the summer, and I can safely say I'm a Sentai fan! It's a bright, engaging show to watch and it carried a level of sincerity that I missed. I had already saw a few Kamen Rider shows/movies but I'm glad I finished this show. I have a bunch of thoughts, but first, I want to get out what I liked about the show:

It had a genuine, honest take of the super sentai genre and make it as grounded as possible. The series has very solid world building, like the inclusion of the rangers as samurai in their world and the aesthetics did a great job serving the story and looks! My favorite aspect of the samurai theme was the shinkengers introduction with drums and everything. The megazord power-ups felt well deserved and the Bullzord is my favorite for obvious reasons.

I liked about everyone on the cast. The interpersonal drama was well handled and their interactions are hilarious and heartwarming. I feel Ryunosuke really stood out in the cast, and Genta as well for flipping the team's dynamic on it's head, but Kotoha was my favorite! She's so endearingly sweet despite her sad background. And as usual, yellow's my favorite.

The outfits for all the bad guys were very cool in this season and it's honestly funny how cruel some of their plots were. The corruption concept was really interesting and to see the tragedy that enveloped main bad guys unfold over the season. Also hilarious watching the faux love triangle between Dayuu, Doukoku, and Juuzo take place, Doukoku my favorite for obvious reasons.

What I really liked about this series was how "samurai" element had a consistent effect on the story and characters, where in other stories the logic would be waved off for convenience. I would definitely recommend this show as a fun, competently written superhero show.

it’s been a bit now so. misc 200/end of mag in general thoughts? under a cut because this is a bit long, and i will preface this to say that i mostly enjoyed the episode but this is going to be mostly my criticisms, bc i feel like the good parts have already been well covered by people other than me. so yeah just a warning this is mostly crit

- it’s Still very hard for me to parse how i feel about this episode, but i think after sitting on it for a bit, i’ve come to the general conclusion that i am very satisfied plot-wise (in terms of tragedy/the structure of tragedies, the open-endedness of our ending, the general Writing TM), but not so much satisfied character-wise (in terms of arc and relationship resolution). I think we deserved more resolution on wtgfs -- i wanted more with them! more with melanie and jon; more with the melanie and georgie and basira’s side of the plan. more than that really small tidbit that we got at the end! and... honestly? a little bit more emphasis on the weight of Jon actually dooming other worlds in the end, and what that means for Jon and for wtgfs/basira. Especially with the context of the consequences re: the Web...won. no caveats or complications, the Web got. Exactly what it wanted.

- on that note,  From a uh. Critique against capitalism standpoint I’m not sure how I feel about the ending? And I don’t really want to. Read too much into what isn’t there? But I mean mag has long been a pretty explicit anticapitalist narrative so...? Yeah, I’m not a big fan of the implications of WTGFs and basira basically just being treated as narratively right in terms of letting the eldritch evil stand-in for capitalism have whatever it wanted and feeding it and doing exactly what it asked them to do. and having Little consequence as a result of that. Obviously they’ll still face loads of hardship, but that comes from the apocalypse, not from, like,.,, doing the direct bidding of the Capitalist Monster/System/etc to be clear, i’m not like...mad they made the “wrong” decision; there was no wrong or right decision here. but I am a little upset that for all they spent 199 discussing the various consequences of each choice, we got to see very little of that actual consequence playing out...none of the survivors seem to really be carrying the guilt or even the full understanding of what they did, because they never saw the suffering they could create as anything more than a hypothetical. i feel like we could have spent just a bit more time with them dealing with that. a bit more time even with jon dealing with that, a bit more time spent on jon changing his mind. other people have said as much better than me but. yeah

- i feel like there was a lot of character stuff brought up in s5 and especially act iii that i would’ve loved to have seen more resolution of. why have that whole thing about Georgie telling jon to give melanie his last words himself, if Jon was going to come back but then never bring that up again (full disclosure this is smthn that @pronouncingitwang​ brought up!)? Why have Jon say he was “going to go  apologize to [his] boyfriend”/Jon tell Martin multiple times that they were going to talk about their fight “later” and then not have that happen on screen? Why did we have two whole episodes of cultist interactions if they were just going to be removed off screen? Why have martin’s “I’ll get jon to destroy me like the others” decision if that doesn’t really come up? what about salesa!! why tell us melanie hating jon is a projection of her self hatred and then not bring that up again? why give annabelle all those juicy interactions with martin and then turn her into a monster when jon shows up, why give her so much character and backstory and then so thoroughly remove her agency? why have all these really cool parallels between jon and annabelle if annabelle is just going to be this monstrous and agency-less plot device with no follow-up? what happened to her!

- on that note...annabelle. They... really took this character who is a Black woman and who had so many parallels to Jon and who they could’ve like. very easily Actually made into a protagonist of color (because we only got one!! and she’s a cop!!!!) (or if not protagonist, at least smthn more sympathetic), (which wouldn’t have negated previous racial problems w tma, but would’ve shown growth from them) and made her a scary monster who just Serves her capitalist entity overlord without personal agency and then bows out when she’s no longer needed...you can have whatever diagetic/watsonian explanations you want for how 197 went, like sure she was just ~being dramatic~ and putting on a show for jon, but all that is still something the writers Decided to do in the real world, and the racial implications of her character arc are just. not great. and her character had So much more narrative potential. idk i will forever be salty about annabelle

- i Still Don’t Like the web being sentient!! i said this after 197 and i’m sayin it again! i think it makes it less frightening and less interesting! with the End being aware of its own, well, end, I actually thought that worked, and i really liked the corpse routes ep, but for some reason I didn’t with the Web? which seems hypocritical of me, I know, but, look: The embodiment of the fear of dying being aware of and welcoming its own dying emphasizes the inevitability and the truth of that fear. Which is why it works for the End. It’s still not recognizably /human/, because it is inexorable and certain, in a way nothing human can be. So its awareness of its own end DOESNT feel like flattening the worldbuilding. And using my own logic, I guess sure you could say the embodiment of the fear of manipulation and schemes being capable of scheming does the same thing but it. It rly doesn’t feel the same to me? Bc that’s rly a fear borne of human sentience & behavior. and so to give it that sentience makes it feel more human, and less interesting within the context of the horror. this is definitely just a personal taste thing as far as how i like horror and eldritch deities and such but yeah.

- i liked the statement a lot like, as a little self contained story? it was really nice to have jon give us one last story before the end. I thought that was sweet and i liked how the statement was written! on the same note though, i could’ve also gone without knowing like. the entire cosmology of how the fears came into being. again, just a personal thing, i don’t like my horror to be known, even at the end of it all when it doesn’t matter what we’re still scared of anymore. I just. I want my fears to be frightening and beyond comprehension and unknowable. it just leads me to have more questions than i really need at the Final episode? i would love to keep the jon giving us one final statement thing, and you know what? i would've loved: statement of the archivist, regarding jonathan sims. no idea what you’d do with that but it sounds cool in my head.

- very minor and very specific-to-me thing but i Don’t Like that basira got to be the Last Words...sorry y’all I just don’t like basira i can’t get behind trying to make me feel sympathetic for a cop who stood by and let people get murdered by the state for years and only felt bad about it bc fearpocalypse i just can’t. i don’t like her never have never will and also melanie and georgie are right there why didn’t they get to have the last words it would have been so much better ... why not have the person who loved jon and Knew very deeply his tendency to self-sacrifice say something or why not the person who is in-canon very similar to Jon and self-admittedly projecting her self hatred onto him say some sort of her own attempt at peace why not either of these two ahhhh

- i uhhhh. really liked jon killing jonah. jon for once getting to be angry for himself. that felt really nice. no ceaseless watcher nonsense either, just him and a knife and beating the shit out of this guy who even now continues to underestimate and belittle him. and i liked jon doing what he did in general -- i actually changed my mind on this; i really didn’t like it at first but i do now. i’m sad that it came at the expense of his promise to martin, but it makes sense and...i don’t want to say jon was right, because i again don’t think any of the decisions were right per se, but in terms of like... not doing what the “elder fear deity who wants to feed on fear and pain for literal eternity” wanted... yeah. i get it. he would never have been able to go along with that willingly. and he really shouldn’t have been, considering all that he went through being a puppet for said elder fear deity. and from a tragedy standpoint too, i actually think it’s a really really well written end for him. considering how my favorite tragedies are structured and how the way out has to be presented to us, but the tragic hero Ultimately will always fall back on their faults, yeah, this makes a lot of sense. hamlet is granted a way out and he doesn’t take it; he always always hesitates. captain ahab is granted the chance to turn and leave his chase and love instead, and he doesn’t take it. orpheus turns around. etc etc. I think it was also really lovely that jon got a twist on that, that in the end he did change, for just a moment, and chose love instead. even in the face of all the horror that that might mean. i really like that he and martin are together, wherever or however they are. that martin is allowed to feel (rightly) furious and betrayed and still so, so unconditionally in love. 

idk i have more thoughts probably but again they’re very hard to parse and mostly just getting into the super specific realm which i don’t think is particularly helpful

i have a lot of feelings for jon and martin and their ending i think it was the best possible ending we could’ve gotten for those two and i Am really. I just have a lot of feelings.

“i wish i knew how to quit you”

based on a shitpost i took too seriously, and the fact that movie nights are canon...

Dean remembers the first time he watched this movie. 

It was one day that Sam was out, on a date out of all things, and Dean didn’t feel up to going to a bar. He went to a small dvd rental place near the motel they were staying at, looking for some b horror movie. He strolled the aisles when he saw Brokeback Mountain on the shelves. He was curious, the reason unknown to him at the time. He had heard about it, mostly second-hand jokes about the gay cowboy movie, but not much else. He snatched the movie, and headed back to the horror section, grabbing indiscriminately for another, quickly covering the other movie in his hand. He walked up to the counter, and paid, all the while a strange buzzing under his skin. The cashier, a teen who looked utterly bored, routinely scanned the movie and charged his card. Dean opened his mouth, and tried to think of something to excuse the purchase, but came up short. He then closed his mouth, and tried not to make eye contact. He left the store, and never set foot back in the place. Him and sam would be out of town soon, they had bigger things to worry about than overdue dvd fees. 

Later, Dean was drunk in his motel bed, crying with Ennis as he gripped Jack's jacket. He was sobbing at the show of love, the unconditional love they showed each other, and kept showing, against all things. It was a movie that stuck to his ribs for years to come, but why would only dawn on him later. Dean bristled at jokes about the movie for years after, and he kept the dvd in his travel bag since...

Which is how it ended up on the bunker shelves, next to other cowboy flicks he had “collected” from dvd stores over the years. And how Cas ended up picking it and putting it in the player for the two of them to watch. 

Remembering all that, almost 12 years ago at this point, it seems like forever ago, It seems especially far now, especially compared to where he is now. He and Cas are sitting next to each other on a couch, after Cas said yes to another one of Dean’s movie nights. They had been on a cowboy binge, getting through the greatest of the westerns, which were chosen at Dean’s discretion. They already watched one movie tonight, but Dean isn’t ready to go to bed yet. He isn’t ready to end this night, since they get them so rarely. He enjoys spending time like this with Cas. 

Cas, who is sitting comfortably in some pajamas he’s borrowed (“You know comfort is not of great importance to me, Dean” “Yeah but it’s weird if I’m the only one in sweats”). The glow of the tv shines on his face. His brows are usually furrowed, like he’s studying important information for a test from Dean later. But sometimes, his face breaks into a smile at a joke, or he gets angry at the characters on screen, and he gets exasperated at the character’s actions. Dean has seen these movies so many times, he can stand to watch Cas get swept up in the emotion. 

After the first one, Cas isn’t ready to take off just yet either, lingering in an odd way. He looks over expectantly, waiting with words behind his lips. At their mutual reluctance, and his own reluctance to move from the comfortable couch, Dean decides to be generous and let Cas pick the next one, as long as it fits the theme. Cas returns with a dvd, and pops it in the player, then returns to the couch. 

Once Dean sees the opening sequence, his stomach tightens. After everything he’d gone through, the discovery and realizations about himself, and after meeting Cas, he knows he’s done for. This movie had got him when he didn’t fully understand the depth of love and devotion, and now that he knows, and the source of that knowledge is sitting right next to him, he’s done for. 

He settles in, not bothering to pick a fight with Cas about how this is technically not a “western”. 

His first tears fall at Jack’s “I wish I knew how to quit you”, because god did he wish he knew. Cas glances up at Dean's sniffle, his own eyes not dry, and he reaches across to Dean’s shoulder. Dean nods at the contact, his hand swiping his tears away. 

“I'm sorry, I didn't know that this one would make you cry,” Cas apologizes genuinely, his voice near a whisper. 

“No, it’s okay,” Dean brushes him off, and Cas drops his gaze. “I could’ve stopped it if I didn't want to watch it,” Dean replies. His eyes return to the screen, all the while still registering the weight of Cas’ touch. 

The rest of the movie brings more tears, and after the second burst, Cas moves closer to Dean, a reassuring line at his side. Cas’ crossed legs leaves his knees to overlap Dean’s thigh. It's exhilarating and comforting simultaneously, and Dean lets himself get swept up in the romance, and the tragedy of the movie. He doesn’t hold his pain back, nor his sobs. He knows he’s safe to cry with Cas, safe to feel with Cas. 

The end slaughters them both, sobbing at the tragedy of jack and ennis’ love story. He knows, too well, the pain of letting something good slip away because of fear, and the danger associated. He knows the self hatred, the disbelief that someone could love him back, despite all he’s done, so unconditionally. Hell, he’s sobbed into a coat on occasion too. 

Dean tries to collect himself multiple times as the credits roll, but each time brings more tears. He sighs, trying to regain control of his breath, but echoes of the characters ring in his brain, and he cries again. 

Cas doesn’t leave. No, he remains close to Dean’s side, rubbing his back, silent tears falling down his own face. 

Dean leans into Cas, deeper into the comfort of him. He feels the tears soaking into the borrowed shirt, growing damp as the time passes between them. And Cas lets him, welcomes him there. 

The crying subsides, and Dean and Cas are left on the couch together, the glow of the silent tv blanketing them. 

“I think that was my favorite one yet,” Cas remarks, his voice thick from the tears shed. Dean smiles and lets out a small laugh. He sits up to look into cas’ eyes, a little puffy and red from the tears. 

“The first one to make you cry? That’s your favorite?” Dean questions, not following his logic. 

“I guess I didn’t know movies could do that,” Cas looks off, contemplating his thoughts and feelings, trying to fit them into the right words. “You tend to pick action movies with men fighting each other, so I just thought that that was a movie. Shallow, black and white morals, but fun. I didn’t know they could make you feel like this.” 

“Yeah, I guess I just don’t watch many movies that are like this one. Sorry-” Dean offers.  

“I just- I didn’t know they could be like that,” Cas interrupts. “I didn’t know movies could be honest, could show love and fear and loss like that. It’s all heightened of course, as is expected of the medium, but isn’t that how love and fear and loss feel?” His eyes flicker around, his hand in a fist, as if reliving his own experiences. “Interactions have more weight, every touch feels cosmic, stakes feel more punishing, but some things shrink, like how the scale of your world zeros onto one person.” Cas’ impassioned cadence slows at the end of his speech, each word hitting harder than the last. 

Dean is caught off guard by Cas’ analysis of the movie. Usually he gets a smile and a nod, and if he’s lucky, a friendly debate on the morals of the villains and heroes. Dean is still processing his words and reaction in the brief silence, but Cas starts up again. 

“It’s about the attachment associated with love. The wanting of only one person that no other can fill. It’s about making the most of your meetings, wringing out every second of your time together,  and cherishing it, however brief. It’s about love despite the circumstances, despite what everyone says, maybe even in spite of everything. It’s about loving, even if you are not able to have them, and the tragedy in and of itself, that is falling.” Cas is wrapped up in his own words, and as he finishes, it seems like the meaning of his own words have dawned on him. He looks bashful, almost like he admitted too much. 

Dean is awestruck, and he lets Cas’ words wash over him. Deciding not to let Cas hang out to dry, he gathers himself. If Cas is pushing himself over the edge, Dean is going to follow him. 

“I think,” Dean starts, “it’s also about missing someone, losing them each time they leave, not knowing when you’d see them next. It’s about them leaving permanently, and you gripping on to whatever they left you, and the pain with letting them slip away once again.” Dean’s voice cracks, knowing it has given him away. He feels Cas’ gaze on him, but pushes forward nonetheless.

“It’s about not believing someone would love you back, because why you? And them loving you so unconditionally, so fiercely, and not being able to accept that love, because it’s so foreign. It’s about resigning that person to an awful fate because of you. Because you pushed him away, one too many times, because you thought it was too much, he was too good for you. You don’t deserve him, he’s too giving, too loving, too wonderful for someone dirty and fucked up like you-“ 

Cas cups Dean’s jaw and kisses him silent at his last words. The tears Dean was hiding behind his words fall, as he pushes back to Cas. They hold each other there, pouring more love and acceptance through the kiss. It’s slow, tender, and beautiful, an antithesis to the rushed kisses on screen. 

Cas pulls back first, but makes sure to keep Dean’s eyes to his own. 

“You deserve everything, Dean. You pushed away, but you came looking so many times too. Stop carrying the guilt for these things. It’s the past, and it’s done. We’re here aren’t we?”

“But Cas-“ Dean starts, but his mouth is covered by a kiss again. 

“You held on, you kept me with you, when you had every reason not too. And that’s why i’m back here, we’re here.” Cas pleads. 

“I’m sorry, Cas-“ 

“I’m not. Everything that happened? It all led us here, so can I please have this?” 

Dean nods, and kisses Cas again. You can have for as long as you want, I love you I love you I love you…

~~~~

Thanks for reading!

c!wilbur for the ask game because he's my fave! (or c!quackity he's also neat)

I’m going to talk about Wilbur! Also note: if I don’t indicate cc! in front of ‘Wilbur’, assume I’m talking about the character.

How I feel about this character

WILBUR MY BELOVED. MY FAVORITE CHARACTER IN THE DSMP.

His story is a Shakespearean tragedy — a noble but flawed hero, struggling with the pull of good and evil, torn apart by external conflicts and the treachery of his mind, ultimately falling from grace and ending his story in a tragic death. cc!Wilbur really wrote a character arc that paralleled a Shakespearan tragedy, and I think that’s one reason why I love it so. damn. much. I even wrote a post about it.

He’s complex. Even though we don’t get constant lore about him, the lore we do have is infinitely rewatchable and can constantly be recontextualized. His character progression is measured, logical, and built up well. He’s a dynamic character. He’s exciting to watch.

Then there’s Ghostbur, who to me has an entirely different appeal. If S1 Wilbur has a dynamic character arc and is a narrative focal point, S2 Wilbur is... not. He’s not the center of the narrative, but he doesn’t have to be. He adds atmosphere, drama, lightheartedness, and angst. He manages to be compelling even though we barely see his perspective, and that is some damn powerful character writing.

Bottom line is that Wilbur is an amazing character — he’s dramatic, tragic, well-acted, and wonderful at stirring pathos in the audience. He has been my favorite since I started watching the SMP. And that hasn’t changed.

All the people I ship romantically with this character

Sally the Salmon I suppose. No how did they turn a bit into a compelling piece of lore please I want mercy from the block men.

My non-romantic OTP (favorite relationship) for this character

CRIME BOYS CRIME BOYS CRIME BOYS.

It’s. Such a tragic dynamic??? They start out as good friends, almost brothers, who argue with each other but also have fun together. They try to make a drug empire that spirals into a nation. Wilbur wants Tommy’s loyalty to L’manberg, but he also tells Tommy to be careful, to value his life.

They come out of the revolution. For a while they just vibe on the SMP. They try to start a tourist business. They make fun of Dream together.

Then comes Pogtopia.

Wilbur spirals. Tommy tries to pull him out of it, but ends up wrapped in the spiral himself. They fight with each other, they cut back and forth. Yet despite this they still care about each other. Wilbur holds back from blowing up L’manberg for Tommy’s sake. Then comes November 16th, and Wilbur finally succumbs to his spiral as Tommy cries out.

Was their relationship exactly healthy? No. It’s tragic and it’s flawed. Wilbur wasn’t always the best influence on Tommy’s mental health, and Tommy didn’t understand that calling someone ‘crazy’ doesn’t help them heal. But they cared about each other, and Tommy and Ghostbur continue to care about each other, and there’s a tragedy in that that begs for resolution.

My unpopular opinion about this character

Umm... cc!Wilbur is the best actor on the SMP for me. Is that unpopular? Idk. He’s always included among lists of the best but for my taste he’s like. A bit above everyone else. (Not to say that everyone else is a bad actor! I love pretty much everyone’s acting on the SMP. cc!Wilbur's just happens to be my personal favorite.)

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

I’m so excited for his resurrection. Also I wish that the Fundy family drama plotline had been carried out to a resolution? That's one of my favorite interpersonal plotlines — it's just so angsty and it really explores dysfunctional families in a way that I don't think demonizes any character. Hopefully that can still happen sometime in the future, but I’m not sure.

*//𝒇𝒊𝒍𝒆: introducing 𝐘𝐄𝐎 𝐌𝐈𝐒𝐔𝐍!

hi petals 🥰 i'm so thrilled to be here with you all and bringing you this gullible little lioness!i promise i'll get to all ims soon, but my alias is penny, my pronouns are she/her and i'm in the est tz! this is my bby misun - the very soft-spoken principal of kwangsook academy. despite the shady way she ended up with it, she quite loves her job, as well as all the students and faculty at kwangsook :D i will have her full bio up sometime soon, but for now, you can find some relevant links and some bullet points under the cut! if you'd like to plot something out, feel free to hit the heart so i know and i'll come buzz you in ims! tw - brief mentions of death cw - workplace affair

statistics. // bio. // headcanons. // plots. // musing blog. // pinterest.

━  ❖ (kim ahyoung “yura,” cis female, she/her) hey thank you for coming to town hall to update your information yeo misun! you’re a citizen correct? good to know! are you enjoying yourself around yunhwa? you’ve been staying here two years right? i’m glad! remind me, are you born on 14/12/1992? we’re so lucky to have someone so dedicated around as a principal at kwangsook academy even if sometimes you can be credulous. hope to see you around the house #3034, hwesakgu!

born and raised in busan, the city was imbued in misun's veins. she was in love with how the highest skyscrapers mingled with the clouds on overcast days and how life always seemed to be racing by. her childhood was a happy one, as she gained a younger brother and sister along the way.

her mother was a science teacher and her father a commercial fisherman at the local dock. it wasn't uncommon for him to be gone for weeks at a time in order to bring an income into the household, so misun was often left in charge of her younger siblings. it was something she thrived at honestly, as she'd always had this nurturing way about her. she didn't even argue with her siblings much, she mostly just played peacekeeper when they fought amongst themselves.

she ran through the typical cycle of dream occupations as any child would. she had a particularly tight grasp on astronomy for awhile, but she also always appreciated her mother's work in the field of education.

misun could be be rather mild-mannered, but she loved to run free in the yard, as if the fence that boxed it in existed in another realm entirely. as she grew older, she picked up several hobbies that always seemed to lend to a tranquil state of mind, as it was her favorite feeling in the world. painting and surfing were two of her favorite things to do, once she learned the basics of them. some of her most cherished memories of her father were the trips they took to the beach whenever he was home for the week so that he could see what she had learned for himself. she'd never forget the proud smile he wore.

[tw:death] she was fourteen when her father's boat sank in the korea strait, he and all of his crew being lost in the tragedy. they were at least able to hold a funeral for him; and misun always knew it was something that could happen in the logical side of her brain - but that was rarely the side she wanted to agree with. it was extremely hard on the family for his already too brief presence to have lessened to nothing, and it was years before any sense of normalcy was felt. [end tw]

it was fortunate that misun was so prone to being a parental figure in the household, as she was able to help her mother with her brother and sister while the woman grieved. it was simply in misun's nature to forego her own feelings to give another what they needed.

there was a desperate need for the lost income to be restored in some way, as her father had been the primary breadwinner for the family. her mother's salary as a teacher simply wasn't going to hold four people afloat in the city for very long. misun spent years juggling her workload in school along with working part-time, putting her all into not only bringing home good grades that her mom could be proud of, but helping to keep the family's bills paid, as well.

by the time she graduated, misun had excelled so much in her studies, that she was offered two different scholarships, both of which would have easily covered the expenses of attaining her degree, a miraculous offer for the family who had no way to afford college for any of the three children in it.

the college experience was everything misun had hoped for; a chance to better herself, find herself and take a bit of a break from the full workload she'd been carrying for so long. she still worked part time, so that she could slowly add to the college funds of her brother and sister while she attended school herself, but it was nice to have such a heavy focus on her studies.

she'd come to find that she wanted to go beyond teaching. she enjoyed the thought of administrative duties in the school system; fighting the good fight so that students could always have the help they needed to prosper. it wasn't just about filling their brains with meaningless facts they'd forget over a summer anymore - it was about making sure they had the tools to make it in life.

while she did receive some brief classroom training as a teacher in her initial transition, once misun got her master's degree, she was able to fill the position of principal at one of the schools in the city. she fell in love with it immediately, as it fit right in with her facilitating nature. she had a knack for keeping the peace around the school and making sure things ran smoothly so that all the teachers and other faculty could do their jobs properly.

she even had a positive working relationship with the local school board and her superiors, one of whom seemed to have taken quite a shine to her. he'd find any opportunity to speak with her, even about the silliest things. it was quite odd for misun to see him go back and forth from a very personable man to a very stuffy superintendent on an almost weekly basis, but there was definitely something charming about him.

before she really knew it, he'd swept misun off her feet entirely. suddenly they were sharing their lunch breaks at romantic cafes and making excuses to see each other during inconvenient times. misun always saw the best in people, and the things she saw in him made her feel love on an intense plane. she felt special with him; wanted. she might have said he'd broken down all her barriers, if she'd ever bothered to put them up.

as sweet as the feelings were, she supposed she knew the relationship was inappropriate considering that he was practically her boss. still, she didn't want to let go of the happiness she felt, and that she thought he had felt to.

it wasn't long before he informed her of his suspicions that some of his co-workers had an inkling he was having an affair with one of the school faculty members in the area. he seemed to know it was only a matter of time before the truth would come out, so he would cover his tracks. he would make sure no one ever found out.

initially, they were only meant to 'cool things off' a bit so that the suspicion would die down. admittedly, if word got out about them, misun knew it would be quite the scandal, and he may have to step down from his position. it seemed like the logical thing to do to lay low for awhile.

she didn't see the next part coming, though; apparently it had been decided that she would take the hit entirely, in order to save them both. her superintendent had crafted the brilliant plan to transfer her to kwangsook academy out in the small town of yunhwa and away from the city that she'd always known and loved. she wouldn't have to worry, he'd told her. the job was all but hers after the glowing recommendation he gave her. 'thank goodness, right? now you won't have to face any humiliation.'

she was confused, hurt and more angry than she had ever been in her life. as lovely as yunhwa was, it wasn't her home back in busan. it wasn't her school district. why was it her life that had been uprooted, and hers alone? was he suffering any undesired changes in his life in the city? did he even care at all that she was gone?

still though, misun's resilience remained steadfast, even after her heart was broken. as bitter as she was about the forced move, she'd been given a job to do, and she was going to going to do it right. getting used to the small town lifestyle has been a major adjustment for her, but she's not really one to complain about her circumstances.

two years on, and she remains in yunhwa, functioning as the head of kwangsook academy. as lost as she'd felt initially, she's come to fit in at the school at last. she's a rather amicable person who gets along well with the other teachers and staff members. she's always willing to lend a helping hand when it's needed, and is extremely dedicated to making sure the school has everything it needs in the way of funding, materials, healthy lunches and meaningful extracurriculars. as unassuming as misun can be sometimes, she's very protective of her students!

These are some tips for good villains that I’ve written up, without relying on giving them tragedy or good intentions. Not that tragic backstories or good intentions are bad to give your villains, they're often GREAT, but you can have an interesting villain without them too, and I think they’re a topic most people already know and understanding, so I wanted to cover other ways a bad guy can be fleshed-out and compelling. “Good villains” here doesn’t mean “morally good” or even “sympathetic” but simply “interesting and well-written”. It’s geared towards bad guys you want to be prominent (perhaps the Big Bad or at least someone fairly important in the villain hierarchy, perhaps a personal nemesis to your character, etc), particularly those with a close connection to your hero (though that’s not necessary), that you want to be competent and threatening rather than comical or inept, and that you aim to make feel complex and “real” without necessarily being sympathetic at any point (though it’s fine if you do that too). It’s also geared more towards teen and adult audiences, and the fantasy/sci-fi/superhero genres (though not exclusive to them) You’ll notice that I use the word “consider” a whole lot in this list. That’s because none of this is a rule. Every character is different, including villains, so what “works” for your villain is going to vary; in fact, depending on who your villain is, some of these suggestions might be a bad idea! So take them as just that, suggestions, to think about and determine for yourself if they’re something that would work for what you have in mind. Not doing them, or even doing the opposite, will not automatically make your villain poorly written. Likewise, using common tropes and even cliches don’t necessarily make a villain poorly written either; some of the best-written villains out there employ quite a lot of cliches! Basically, think of this as simply a list of IDEAS, not necessities. And more than that, a list of OPINIONS, specifically just MY opinions. And I’m just one person, whose taste carries no more authority than anyone else’s, certainly not your own. Take what you like, and leave the rest. Because there is a LOT here. Like a LOT. It’s very VERY long with lots of points. So that’s why the cut!

- Whether your villain is a school bully or a high fantasy Dark Lord, reconsider having them OBSESSED with your hero. A lot of times when I see this, it’s just a way for the writer to prop up the hero and re-emphasize how SPECIAL they are, without the hero themselves actually having to DO anything special. They’re special because the bad guy hates them and the bad guy hates them because they’re special, and that’s why we should root for them. It’s circular and annoying in that alone, but it also reduces the villain to a mere prop who would have no character themselves (aside from, perhaps, generic “evil” traits) if you took the hero out of the picture. Consider maybe they’re NOT obsessed with the hero, or at least not more than any other obstacle to their plans. Consider the FOR ME IT WAS TUESDAY trope. Consider the villain having a life and personality apart from the good guy, and other aspects to their goals besides them. A hero-obsessive villain can certainly work, such as the Joker with Batman, but like the Joker they should still be a character in their own right too, not just a foil to the hero. For instance, Shadow-Weaver in the new She-Ra series is certainly obsessed with Adora, but there’s a lot more to her character; her favoritism for Adora is just a facet/extension of that. - Don’t make a strawman. A good villain should be more than just a 2-dimensional construct of everything evil and detestable for the hero to knock down. Give their personality the same consideration and depth that hero gets, and let them have traits that are not evil in and of themselves, such as perhaps being brave, artistic, or loyal. Some “good” traits work very well in the service of evil (a villain who is brave is far more dangerous than one who is cowardly, and one who is loyal to their evil empire is more dangerous than one who is disloyal to it) and some can simply be unrelated, such as enjoying painting or collecting fine pottery pieces. - Consider letting your hero admire something about the villain. It is very, VERY common for villains to admire something about the hero. They will often find them impressive for some reason another, and may even praise them or wish they’d join them. It is EXTREMELY rare for heroes to return the favor. And isn’t that kind of funny? What does it say, that the villain can find something worthy in their foes, but our hero can’t? Especially if this is a villain who has bested them fair and square over and over through power, cunning, or talent. It’s understandable in some cases --- for instance, it’s hard to expect an eleven year old to see anything worthy in the man who murdered his parents---there’s nothing wrong with letting your good guy admit that the bad guy is better with a sword, or has great style, or thinks up schemes that the hero could never imagine (and not just because the hero is too moral to think of such things), or wishing someone with the bad guy’s skills were on their side. These aren’t the same thing as endorsing the villain’s actions, they have nothing to do with morality or justification, any more than the villain saying they admire the hero’s determination or loyalty or resourcefulness is the villain saying they admire goodness. - This is more a “hero” tip, but...don’t fall into the hypocrisy of Protagonist-Centered Morality. PCM is when everything the hero does is uncritically framed as “good” just because the hero does it. Yes, she murders when she doesn’t technically have to, just like the villain, but it was BAD people! Yes, she uses others without their knowledge or consent to get her way, just like the villain, but it was for a GOOD reason. Yes, she loves beautiful dresses and jewels but when her rival does it, it’s because she’s vain and shallow and materialistic. Yes, she checks out the hot new boy, but when other girls gush and giggle over it, they’re brainless stereotypes unlike HER. While a hypocritical protagonist, or one that is not so different from the villain in the end, are both EXTREMELY interesting concepts and can make for a GREAT flawed hero to explore and develop, the problem with PCM is that ISN’T what the author is trying to do; they simply think that it’s all fine so long as the hero is doing it, whereas the villain is bad because it’s the villain doing it. This sort of unaware hypocrisy puts readers off VERY quickly once they pick up on it. Heroes should be held to the same standards as villains at least, if not MORE so, if we’re meant to consider them heroes. And the more pure, perfect, good, and right that we’re meant to perceive this hero as, the higher standard they should be held to. For instance, the Punisher and Sailor Moon are very different sorts of heroes, so the lines for them are in very different places---but they’re still there. You can’t have Sailor Moon act like the Punisher, and still have her be seen as Sailor Moon. Flawed heroes are great---I love them!---but they must be TREATED as flawed. We can’t be expected to root for them against the villains if there’s no difference in what they do and how they act. - In a battle of wits with the hero, let the villain be equally armed. Yes, we’ve all WANTED to leave the school bully gobsmacked with our witty retort, or to stun people into silence who annoy us, and these things are actually fine in stories. A witty hero can be a LOT of fun. But so can a witty villain. And a battle of verbal barbs between TWO very witty people can be a lot of fun to read! Not to mention that having the HERO be stunned into silence and unable to retort is actually fairly relatable; how many of us having only thought of what we SHOULD have said to someone hours later in the shower? Not to mention that if the villain keeps being made to look like an idiot incapable of making a single comeback, their threat level goes down quite a bit in the reader’s eyes, even if WHY they’re a threat is unrelated. Also...if you’re going to do this, make sure you can ACTUALLY write a witty hero. Wit is super hard, I know it’s hard for me, but it’s painful to read a scene where everyone is STUNNED at some “clever” thing the hero just said...and it’s not clever at all. - Consider letting the villain win a battle sometimes even if the hero wins the war in the end. If you hero overtakes the bad guy in each and every confrontation, there’s no suspense at all for any of their fights, let alone the final one (which should be the most dramatic and suspenseful). Giving the villain some minor victories---or better yet, substantial ones--can truly make the viewers worry what will happen. They may logically know the good guy will triumph, but you can still get them on the edge of their seats, and wondering at what cost that triumph will be. - Let the hero’s victories have a cost. If you want the villain to truly feel like a threat, let the hero have to lose something---or someone---in the course of defeating them. Maybe it’s something small, maybe it’s something huge, depending on the scale of the battle and what’s at stake, and you need not do it EVERY time, but for the biggest victories, consider a dramatic cost of SOME kind to the hero. This adds a sense of risk to dealing with the villain, and thus a sense of suspense and concern for the reader. -   Consider letting your villain take defeat with grace, or even get something out of it. While the hero’s victory costs them, the villain may in fact get a consolation prize of some sort. For instance, on the “Gargoyles” TV show,  the villain Xanatos fails to find out the hiding place of the gargoyles, but he feels fine about it because he still regained a treasure, earned a favor from the city, got to test out his new battle armor design, and has reassured himself that he wasn’t going soft like he’d worried. Why let your villain do this, while doing the opposite to your hero? For the hero, it makes their victories feel truly earned that they had to lose something in the process; it shows their dedication to whatever they’re doing, and it can give them new challenges or development---does their loss make them not want to keep going? Does it drive them harder? How does it affect them? And you can do that with a bad guy too, just like you can totally give the hero some fringe benefits to a defeat sometimes too. It just tends to be more fun and unexpected with villains, since most writers will save all the goodies for the heroes because the heroes “deserve” them; it’s almost expected that things will work out for them in the end. But if you can make it feel like the villain “deserved” it too through their cleverness or effort, it can be quite surprising, not to mention keeps things interesting since the reader is no longer able to predict exactly where the chips will fall.   As for letting them take defeat with grace...even if they DON’T get something out of their defeat, consider NOT having them flip out over it. Emotional outbursts definitely work for some villains and helps communicate something about them, but a villain who keeps his cool after a loss, even a big one, can be just as effective at communicating something about his character too (and it’s much more rare). - For a hero or a villain, let the victory feel EARNED. Regardless of which one beat the other, let the victory feel like something they MADE happen, rather than something that just fell into their laps. Even if the villain cheated to do it, they should still have to put effort into the cheating! - No stupid villains. If their plan is easy to figure out or sabotage, go back and rework it. Give them one or two contingency plans that the reader also has to contend with, or perhaps didn’t see coming at all. Note that it doesn’t matter how smart your villain is SUPPOSED to be if what actually happens in practice is your villain being stupid. Not to mention that, as with letting the villain win sometimes, this makes your hero have to WORK for their victory, which makes it feel EARNED. Keep a watch for cliches (ex: “I’m going to put the good guys in a cell with one easily tricked, poorly armed guard!”) and consult the good ol’ EVIL OVERLORD LIST. - If they’re already terrible in some specific or general way, reconsider how necessary it is they be terrible in some additional way just to show how eeevil they are. For instance, a heartless factory owner with no regard for the health, safety, or mental well-being of his employees is pretty despicable on for that alone; does he really need to abuse animals for fun too? If you want to make sure the animal-lovers in the crowd hate him, maybe it’s not that he abuses animals for fun, but simply doesn’t care how the animals in his company---such as work horses, depending on the time period---are treated so long as there’s a profit, just like how he sees humans. That way, it’s something that’s consistent with what’s already been shown of him---someone who values profit at all else, including other living beings---rather than feeling like it’s been tacked-on at random for shock value. - Especially do not use violence (especially sexual violence) to manipulate your audience if it involves children or animals. That doesn’t just make your readers hate the villain, it will make them hate YOU. There’s one comic book writer who killed a ton of people in his run, but it was the horrible death of a puppy that he got the angry letters over. Besides outraging readers, though, it’s also just a cheap tactic that a good writer shouldn’t have to rely on. This isn’t to say you can never use torture, graphic violence, rape, hurting children/animals, etc, at all---there are some truly fantastic works out there that have involved all these things---but to not reach for them willy-nilly. Be sure it’s actually necessary and that there’s no other option you can reach for, and don’t overuse it either. Doing it once has an effect; doing it ten times over decreases that effect. Which brings me to my next point... - Your villain should not be a mere vehicle for torture porn. A lot of times, it’s pretty clear to me that a writer just wants to write their hero being tortured/raped/lose a loved one/etc over, and over, and over. In addition to losing the emotional impact with repeats, this also ends up just annoying to the reader most of the time, especially since their usually seems something masturbatory in it. Not necessarily in a sexual sense, but as in some people just REALLY enjoy writing their characters suffer or trying to engender sympathy for them, and will do it ad nauseaum to the detriment of plot and development. If this is something you enjoy writing just for yourself, by all means go ahead with it, but if it’s something you intend to share or publish, consider moving on from repeatedly going over graphic, lingering ways in which your hero is yet again going to be tortured by the bad guy. - If your villain is a woman, LGBT, ethnic or religious minority, etc., reconsider any evil or cruel traits that reinforce negative stereotypes about that group as a whole. For instance, it’s probably not a great idea to have an LGBT villain be a sexual predator, or a Muslim villain who is misogynistic or religiously motivated against “infidels” for his crimes, or for you to use “doesn’t like children and/or men” as a way to show how evil your lady villain is. - If your hero is female, don’t have the male villain rape her just because. Please. I’m not saying this can never happen--we need stories about rape and survivors, not talking about it and not having stories is far worse---but there’s a real THING with writers feeling that all heroines need to face the threat of sexual assault, and all male villains are automatically ready to commit it, and it’s kind of messed up. -   Give your villain good arguments for their motive/actions that can’t be easily and immediately refuted, and that an intelligent, reasonable person (assuming your villain is meant to be one) could realistically believe. This doesn’t mean that their argument has to be moral or sympathetic at all, it can in fact be completely cruel, but it should be something that doesn’t immediately fall apart like a Jenga stack under the least bit of logic. Try thinking up ways your villain’s rationale could be refuted, and craft rebuttals towards them, strengthening their argument. After all, if they got this far, they’ve probably encountered quite a few such arguments BEFORE the hero brings them up. Of course, lots of villains are driven by emotional/psychological reasons, but most real people will still create “logical” rationales and philosophies to justify acting out their issues and doing what they want. Give your bad guy the courtesy of doing the same, especially if they’re not intended as delusional or irrational people. Their plans should likewise make sense in service of these arguments; for instance, Thanos might have a point about limited resources, but as many people have pointed out, his “snap” actually did nothing to fix it because the resources-to-population ratio remained the same, the resources were not re-distributed in any way, etc. Your villain’s means to accomplish their goals don’t need to be the best way in a moral sense---they’re VILLAINS---but they should still make some sense in terms of being EFFECTIVE. -   Remember your villains motives, one type of villainy doesn’t guarantee another. Someone who is motivated purely by profit is unlikely to join up with an ideological organization (unless there’s some way to get profit from that) Someone who is an eco-terrorist is unlikely to be interest in jewel heists (unless it’s justified by her using the money from selling the jewels to fund her eco-terrorism) And someone who is a mercenary for the sheer thrill and challenge of it, is probably not going to take a job that’s the equivalent of stealing candy from a baby. A person being morally okay with one type of evil doesn’t equate to them being down for ALL kinds, and their morality may not align with the common view. For instance, most people would consider rape to be far worse than petty theft, but maybe in your villain’s worldview, theft takes something physical and tangible and objectively real from someone, so it’s therefore worse. And most people would see human life as being worth objectively more than plant life, but try telling that to Poison Ivy! Likewise, many villains are only okay with evil IN THE SERVICE OF THEIR GOALS. Magneto is fine with mass murder, but only when it’s to advance or protect mutantkind; he’s not going to do it for funsies. Some villains don’t have any moral opposition to any kind of wrongdoing, but may simply have no INTEREST in some types, while being very interested in others. It’s hard to see Sabretooth or Hannibal Lector being morally opposed to embezzlement and white collar crime, but they’ve got no interest in committing it, because it’s not what they enjoy and/or feel compelled to do, they want to kill (and eat) people. Yet, as fine as Hannibal is with killing and eating people, rudeness enrages him. So basically, if your villain is “bad” in one way, don’t feel he has to be evil in every single way, especially if those ways don’t logically line up with his interests, goals, or philosophy/worldview. Indeed, giving a bad guy certain moral limits, with reasons that make within said worldviews, can be extremely helpful in fleshing them out and making them more interesting, even if those moral limits don’t actually make them better people in any way (ex: the rapist who refuses to rob) - The above point also means you can let your villain commit GOOD acts without it seeming out of character or undermining their evil. For instance, Hitler was an animal lover, and there was widespread support for animal welfare in Nazi Germany. Many people think that loving animals is automatically the trait of a “good” person, and animal cruelty is commonly (to the point of cliche) used in media to show how awful and evil a bad guy is. But we know from this that it’s not the case. Your opinion can do “good” things or have “good” opinions, if you do so in a way that doesn’t counteract their villainy, and in fact may make sense in tandem with it. Maybe your heartless hotel mogul helps the heroes fight a kaiju because it’s threatening his property. Maybe the villain who is obsessed with defeating the hero will help the hero against another villain because he doesn’t want to be upstaged by them. Maybe someone who hates the concept of “law” as enforced by the government, rather than determined by each individual to live as they see fit, argues in favor of same-sex marriage because they don’t think anyone should be told they CAN’T do something by the state, whether it’s murder or marrying. Maybe they want to conquer Earth, but that’s no reason NOT to help a pregnant woman; she’s no threat to them, and in fact is one of (in their mind) their future subjects, as is her child. Or, as with the Hitler, maybe they just like animals and won’t treat them badly, even while doing unforgivable things to their fellow human beings. There’s really no limit of ways you can have them do something “good” without it actually making them any less evil, which enables them to feel like more of a real person without actually risking their status as a villain. - Consider letting your villain have loved ones WITHOUT it being a redeeming factor for them. This is extremely rare; the only time villains are typically allowed to love anyone is when it’s used to show them in a redemptive light, or at least reveal they’re not as bad as they seem. There’s an idea in our society that love and evil are diametrically opposed, that “love” is an inherently “good” trait, so someone who loves cannot be wholly evil and in fact has the capacity for good, so therefore letting villain have loved ones (or had them in the past) automatically makes them sympathetic. I disagree. Love isn’t a “good” trait in itself. Lots of the worst people in real-world history have had loved ones, whom they most likely genuinely did love, and did not abuse or mistreat. In fact, caring for one’s own can be the motive behind a great deal of evil, or simply unrelated to it. A mafia don can be a loving family man, and still order other families to be killed, because those things aren’t related to each other in his mind. Of course, you can have love be a sympathetic/redeeming factor for your bad guy too, nothing wrong with that, this is just an alternative. - Let your villain learn and develop. Oftentimes, the hero will change a lot over the course of the story due to their interactions with the villain...but the villain remains the same. This isn’t very realistic. Your bad guy should be learning and growing just as much from their experiences; it just doesn’t need to be in a positive way. Maybe they learn to change tactics, to adapt and try new schemes against the hero when the first ones don’t work, instead of doing the same thing over and over. Maybe they start out as a less ruthless, less adamant villain, and get “harder” as they go. Maybe they started out with a completely binary, black and white view of things, and they’ve since encountered situations that aren’t so cut and dried, so their view and approaches have become more nuanced, but still villainous. Maybe they focus more now on not getting caught. Maybe they made new allies and enemies along the way, and develop through their interactions with them. Basically, they can change and be dynamic in an organic way that makes sense for them, without ever having to stop being a bad guy. They may even learn to be a more effective, more dangerous bad guy! - Care about consistency with your villain as much as you would the hero. If he does something “because he knew it would hurt the hero more than anything” at one point, it doesn’t follow for “he does bad things because he doesn’t understand it hurts others” to come up at a later point; if he doesn’t understand the things he does hurt others, how did he work out how to hurt the hero the most? That doesn’t make sense. Yes, I just said villains should get to grow and change, but randomly contradicting previous characterization with no explanation is NOT the same as organic development. - Don’t rely on “they’re just evil” for a motive, and DEFINITELY don’t rely on “they’re just insane”. Mentally ill villains can be done well, but it’s very tricky territory to tread, with a lot of Unfortunate Implications to beware of. But if you are making a villain who has a mental illness, that shouldn’t be what MAKES them evil. It may influence their thought process, how they reached the conclusions they did, or how they go about things, but it doesn’t HAVE to. In fact, I’d like to see more villains for whom insanity isn’t what gave them their goals or tactics, but does end up being a hindrance to them. After all, most mental illnesses negatively impact a person’s ability to accomplish tasks (work, hobbies, etc) in real life. Why not let it do the same to their ability to be a villain? It’d be a good spin on the usual trope of “insanity makes you evil” - Lack of empathy can be a good way for a person to be villain, why they can be fine with the atrocities they commit, and there are many great villains who display this. But consider also villains with a keen sense of empathy; Hannibal Lector, for instance, displays a great sense of empathy in how he can profile others, such as Clarice Starling and Buffalo Bill. He may not care about most people, but he UNDERSTANDS them deeply. In fact, a great many villains in media who are CLAIMED not to have empathy, actually do; it’s what allows them to work out how to be cruel in the most effective way, or to predict what they would do in the hero’s shoes and thus make plans for that. Your high-empathy villain might be like that. Or they might be high-empathy in a more “positive” way as is typically associated with the term, and have that be part of what made them decide to be a villain, if they’re meant to be the kind of person who has good motives but bad means of accomplishing them. This also makes for the challenge of writing someone who can have high empathy in the typical sense, and still hurt others, and how they might do that---perhaps only doing it from a distance where they don’t have to see it, hurting people en masse so they become just a faceless mass to them instead of individuals, or only hurting people they’ve dubbed as being no longer worthy of their compassion for whatever reason---as scary as it is, the human psyche can very easily decide that a certain category of “people” are not actually worth as much as other people, whether it’s because of what they ARE or what they’ve DONE. - A tragic past isn’t necessary in and of itself. It absolutely is for SOME villains, such as Magneto, but it’s not needed for EVERY villain who is interesting, compelling, or even sympathetic. It should also not be over-relied on as a shortcut to sympathy or understanding; it begins to feel like a cop-out or excuse if it’s over-done or not done well. Make the background you think fits the character best and explains them most; don’t feel the need to make it the saddest thing ever if you don’t NEED to. A little can go a long way, and a villain being UNDERSTANDABLE doesn’t have to mean SYMPATHETIC. Also, as with mental illness, do NOT rely on being an abuse survivor as a shortcut to why someone is a villain; a villain can have this in their past, but it should not be the ONLY thing that led them to villainy. It’s extremely insulting to abuse survivors, most of whom do NOT become abusers themselves as is often claimed. - Finally, as with so much else in writing...show, don’t tell. Your villain is meant to be smart? Craft ingenious weapons and schemes for them, without obvious weak spots that the heroes can easily find. Your villain is meant to be a skilled fighter? Let them wipe the floor with the hero, or at the least put up an incredible fight; don’t build them up as being the best there is at what they do, only to be felled easily to show how cool your hero is. Your villain is meant to be socially savvy? Show them interacting with others in a way that is genuinely likeable and charismatic and endearing, don’t just have someone say they’re “charming” while they act like assholes. Your villain is meant to be cultured? Let them have a discussion with someone about art or opera, or take them on a tour of their collection of Ming Dynasty artwork. Your villain is meant to be cruel? You get the idea. Whatever the trait you’re giving your bad guy, don’t just SAY they have it---write it out! Basically...treat your villain like a character! It doesn’t have to mean making them tragic or sympathetic if you want to avoid that, and that’s fine! They can still be INTERESTING! And even fun!

Ok I'm trash for the winged logan au can I request him having a hurt wing and trying to hide it from the others and it goes well for a while but they eventually find out and take care of him?

Catch me awake all night writing for this one! Amazing prompt, anon!

How Is This At All Logical? - Chapter 3

Pairings- Platonic LAMP (could be seen as romantic)

Words- 1917

AO3 link here!

Feel free to request more works!

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            The imagination really is a bitch, isn’t it? That was Logan’s last thought as he hit the ground after falling from the top of the mighty oak. He always enjoyed reading up high in the branches of the trees, but of course today the branch had to break, the day when he wore a shirt that would not allow him to let his wings out so he could catch himself. All because the imagination is a bitch.

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             Logan rose up into his room, almost collapsing at the expended energy it took to travel that far. He gingerly removed his polo, wincing as he pulled it over his head. Once it was off, he hastily folded it and gently placed it on his bed, then moved in front of his mirror. He spread his wings out behind him, but had to hold back a shout when his right wing tried to open fully. Looking at it closer, he saw that the wing’s radius bone had an irregularity, more specifically, it was fractured. Logan was unsure of where to go from here. He never thought he would come across a situation where he could severely injure his wings; therefore, he never thought to learn how to perform first aid on the wings.

            Note to self, learn how to properly set a broken bird wing.

            Logan knew that he needed to find a quick way to wrap the wing up to avoid it setting in an incorrect position. A cast of a split would be to conspicuous, but perhaps if he were to wrap it with gauze he would be able to keep it firmly in place. Walking into the conjoining restroom Logan opens a cabinet and removes the gauze from the top shelf, unwarps some, then starts maneuvering it around his, now folded up, right wing. It was a difficult process, but in the end he had a wrap that was able to firmly stay on the wing, even if it were to twitch. Sure, it hurts, but in the end this would pay off, Logan was sure.

            Logan walks back out into the bedroom and unfolds his polo again, then puts it back on, wincing again as it brushes the right wing’s radius. He then examines himself for anymore cuts or scratches. He only catches a few shallow cuts, to shallow to draw blood or strike a nerve. After quickly treating them, Logan promptly lies down, and falls asleep.

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            Logan woke up wearing a rumpled polo shirt, creased jeans, and a stabbing pain in his shoulder. Or was that his wing? It was far to soon after Logan woke up to pinpoint directly where the pain was coming from, but he knew it hurt. Trying to remember the events from the previous day, he finds that the pain is definitely coming from his right wing, not his right shoulder, though his shoulder is aching. Each movement he makes to get ready for the day causes more and more pain to ebb from his wing, though the type of pain changes from a stabbing pain to a blunt-force pain.

            Finally ready, Logan opens the door, ignoring the aches and pains he feels doing even the simplest of actions, and walks out of his room. Walking down the hall, Logan can hear the waking sounds from the other side’s rooms. Passing Roman’s room, humming and rushed footsteps can faintly be heard. He probably has an excursion planned for the day, giving adequate cause for him being in such a happy mood. From Virgil’s room, however, an alarm can be heard going off, probably his third or forth. Near silent grumbles are audible through the door as Logan passes nearby.

            Making his way down the stairs, Logan hears Patton wide awake in the kitchen, already having started making breakfast for the sides. As soon as he enters view, Patton looks up from what he was doing, “Hi, Logan! How did you sleep?”

            "I slept well, Patton. Thank you for asking,“ Logan responds as he moves into the kitchen to pour himself a cup of coffee. After grabbing a mug off of the countertop, he takes the full coffee pot and slowly pours it into the mug, wincing slightly at the ache in his shoulder that only seems to be spreading.

           Patton glides around the kitchen with practiced ease, his usual clumsiness gone as he continues to work. Many times the other sides had offered to help, but each time they were turned down. Patton continued his dance with the room, only stopping to give Logan a pat on the right shoulder, causing Logan to flinch away. "Oh, I’m sorry, Lo! Are you okay?”

            "I am fine, Patton. I merely slept on my shoulder in an odd position last night. It is slightly sore, but nothing more.“ The lie slips out with rehearsed ease, which, in reality, it was. Logan was never one for lying, but found it to be necessary in this scenario. He did not need to be cared for or looked after. Especially when he had work to do.

            "Alright, Lolo, but if you need something then feel free to come to me!” Patton smiles before getting back into his rhythm.

            "I will, Patton.“ Logan then moves to the table to sit down, knowing Roman will come down the stairs soon, most likely in three, two, one, now.

            "Good morning!” he exclaims, gliding down the stairs in his usually princely attire. Behind him a half-asleep Virgil yawns, eyeshadow hastily thrown on. They both enter the kitchen, one immediately sitting down, the other pouring himself a mug of coffee.

            "Good morning to you too, Roman! And you Virgil!“ Patton says as he ruffles the anxious man’s hair.

            Virgil only grumbled back something that could almost resemble words while Roman laughs at the cardigan-clad man’s antics. Logan, having finished his coffee, gets up to place it in the sink, but just as he does so, a sharp pain stabs through his wrapped-up wing, causing him to shout and collapse onto the ground, his mug shattering on impact.

            Roman and Patton both rush to his side, but Virgil, in his half-asleep state, murmurs, "Oh, shit,” and walks over to Logan. 

            "Damn it,“ Logan winces, "That was my favorite mug.”

            "Your priorities seem to be out of order, Bird Brain.“ Roman says, unsure of what to do.

            "Virgil, can you grab the dustpan? Roman, Help me get his shirt off. I think some of the glass pierced through it.”

            Logan sits up, ignoring the pain coursing through him, “There is no reason for you to do that. I am perfectly fine.”

            "Logan, you just collapsed on the floor. I don’t think that counts as perfectly fine.“ Patton starts to untie Logan’s tie, but Logan pushes his hands away.

            "Is nobody going to address how awesome that nickname was? Bird Brain? You know, because of the wings?” Roman laughs, trying to find some comedy in the tragedy.

            Logan looks to Roman, then back to Patton, “Like I said before, I slept on my side on an odd angle last night.”

            "Odd angles don’t make people collapse, Lolo. You can tell us what’s wrong! Just trust us!“

            "It sounds idiotic.”

            "You said the same thing about the wings, though!“ Patton says, "Wait, is this about the wings again?”

            Logan looks down at the floor, ashamed, “Well, I suppose it is.”

            "What is it?“ Roman asks, rejoining the conversation after being ignored.

            "I, well I fell out of a tree. While reading a book.”

            "Wait, wait, wait.“ Roman stops Logan from continuing. "Are telling me that you, a man with wings, fell out of a tree? The place where birds live.”

            "Yes. Exactly.“

            "Oh my Disney.” Roman laughs.

            "Okay, but we still need to get you better, don’t we?“ Patton rhetorically asks, "Roman, bring Logan over to the couch. Make sure not to move him around so much.”

            "On it!“ Roman lifted Logan up bridal style, supporting him from the lower back instead of the upper back as he normally would.

            "Do you really have to carry me like this?” Logan questions, looking to Roman.

            Virgil just then comes down the stairs, “Alright, who moved the broom? It was in the bathroom!”

            "Virgil, can you help me sweep this up? It would be really helpful.“ Patton asks as he takes the broom.

            Roman carried Logan away from the glass shards, which are now being swept up by Virgil and Patton, then places him down on the couch the next room over. "Okay, I’m going to get one of your backless shirts from the closet, alright?” Logan nodded in confirmation, smiling up at Roman, who then turns on his heel and rushes up the stairs. Patton and Virgil quickly finish sweeping the shards away, and both move over to where Logan is.

            "Hey, L,“ Virgil says, kneeling beside him, "mind filling me in on what’s happening?”

            "He fell out of a tree-“ Patton summarizes, ”-while reading a book, of course.“

            "Oh.” Virgil pauses to collect his thoughts, “That was dumb.”

            "Hello!“ Roman rushes down the stairs, a backless polo and sweater in hand, "I wasn’t sure which one you wanted, so I brought both just in case.”

            "Thank you, Roman.“ Logan says, reaching for the sweater. Untying his tie and removing his polo, Logan keeps his wings pressed onto his back, then slides the sweater on. He finally pushes his wings through the back, crying out again at the flair of pain in his wing.

            Virgil reaches to the injured wing, then retracts his hand. "Do you mind if I untie the gauze?” he asks, his expression now surprisingly gentle. Logan nods in response to Virgil’s inquiry, and Virgil reaches to the wing once again, his hand as light as a butterfly as it unwraps the bandages. When they are fully unwrapped, Logan already starts to feel a sense of relief. The pain was not gone, but dulled slightly.

            "Oh, wow.“ Patton says, noticing the odd shape in Logan’s wing, "That looks pretty bad.”

            "Patton, get a heating pad. Roman, I need you to find me every single pillow we own.“

            "What?”

            "Just do it, Roman.“ To this, Roman runs off upstairs, not wanting to deal with Virgil before his third cup of coffee. "Okay, we can’t splint this, because of the general shape, but I could try and set it back into place. It’ll hurt like a bitch, but will heal well.”

            "Give me until a count of three, then.“

            "Okay, ready?” Logan nods, looking up to the ceiling, “Right. One, two-”

            Virgil pushed the bone back into place, causing Logan to shout.

            "Three.“

            Patton and Roman both come back down as Virgil is rewrapping the wing, now just to ensure that it would set properly. "Hey, Lolo!” Patton says, the heat pad already on and placed onto the wing. Roman then starts to place pillows behind and around the wing, propping it up on the many layers of pillows, most of which were from Roman’s and Patton’s rooms.

            Patton the sits down beside Logan, on the left side, and cuddles up onto him. Roman sits down at the foot of the couch, after turning on a Disney marathon, of course. Virgil moves into the kitchen to pour another cup of coffee, only now remembering that they were supposed to be eating a, now charred, breakfast. He looks from his coffee mug to the living room, and knows that he wouldn’t have it any other way. 

“Kingdom Hearts II” revisited: Final Thoughts

There’s an obvious logic to having the Drive Form named Final appear so late in the game, but I think it’s introduced too late. By the time I got it to trigger, the Door had already appeared, and I’d decided that there really wasn’t much left in the other worlds of the game that I wanted to do. That meant there wasn’t much opportunity to play around with the Final Form, or level it up, outside of base grinding, something I always hate doing in any game. I do like Final Form, but it should have come earlier in the game to give the player the most value.

And speaking of final - that final boss is really...lame. As in, not fun to play and not satisfying on a story level. You can say a lot about every KH game that’s come after this - and I have, and will, at considerable length - but at least each of them presents a final boss who is a primary character of that game, in a recognizable form, with (somewhat) motivated stages of transformation. Here in KH II, we have to fight buildings, blasters, reactor cores, those bomb things from the Gummi levels (which, I admit, I appreciated - bringing those into the main gameplay), the armored figure in a chair twice, and a dragon-like mecha before we finally get a shot at Xemnas as we know him (in fabulous zebra robes), in a battle full of reaction commands and triggers that seem intentionally designed to make Riku look like a badass at Sora’s expense.

None of these stages are all that hard IMO, nor are any of them that engaging. The brief section where you play as Riku is a low point for me, due to his limited moveset and trouble navigating the space. I’m not opposed to alternating which character you play as during a final boss, but the execution of the idea here is terrible. Denying any role in the final battle to Kairi and King Mickey is a bigger problem, and I actually refused to have Riku in my party until required to because of that. I’m convinced the staff behind this game want players to use him, but I say - if you’re going to ignore every possible opportunity you give yourselves to have the Destiny Islands trio together in a party, then I’m not going to play with your Creators’ Pet. (And he is exactly that. I may have softened on Riku over the years, but he - and Axel, and half the Organization - are textbook examples of a creative team letting their fondness for characters supersede what’s actually best for them in a narrative.)

Of course, the battle itself isn’t all there is to the finale, and there’s more right than wrong to the story here. For one thing, Roxas and Namine get a nice denouement, one that makes it quite clear how they feel - and what they choose - about rejoining with their original selves. As someone who was bothered by the Riku/Namine business at the end of KH III, due to memories of this game, I can concede that there isn’t a whole lot to Roxas and Namine’s relationship here. Their scenes at the beginning are emotional, and their scene at the end is sweet, but their interaction is very limited. The mere fact that they are the Nobodies of Sora and Kairi does a lot of the heavy lifting for their relationship, and that bond is strong enough - and, at this point in the series, still written well enough - to sell the idea, but only just. I daresay this is something that Days could and should have addressed, but we’ll get to that another time.

The lead-up to the final boss provides nice moments between Kairi and Riku, Sora and Kairi, Sora and Riku, and one wonderful moment between the three of them. Setting aside the fact that the whole final boss should have been a second moment for the trio, and the game’s pandering to Riku’s prowess during the fight - the scenes between Sora and Riku after defeating Xemnas are quite well-done, and very effectively illustrate how their friendship has healed and reached a new equilibrium. Even better than that, however, is the game’s final scene. From Kairi’s letter reappearing as the key to the light and the enthusiastic greetings from the Disney cast, to the last flashes of Roxas and Namine and the final exchange between Sora and Kairi (which has some of the best voice acting those two VAs have done in the entire series), it’s an absolutely beautiful finale. The bittersweet, open, and uncertain finale of KH I is still the emotional high point of the series in my eyes, and I continue to applaud the game’s staff for daring such an ending; the way KH II ends is much closer to what one probably would have expected of KH I. But the happy ending of KH II is very much an earned one, and it’s an effective cap, not just on this game, but on everything done in the series up to that point. Kairi’s past remains mysterious and Maleficent is still unaccounted for, but the chain of tragedies set off by Ansem’s research is ended, the last traces of Xehanort are defeated, the worlds are at peace, and the three friends whose lives were torn apart are finally healed, whole, and together again, ready for a new adventure.

...Or, at least that’s what should have happened.

Back when I first played Kingdom Hearts II - fresh off of KH I, unaware that CoM even existed - it was, without question, my preferred game of the two. I would’ve even called it my favorite video game of all time (which wouldn’t have meant much - even now, it’s a very short list of video games that I’ve played from beginning to end.) I would’ve said the same after the second time I played through it, even as certain nagging doubts crept into my mind. Several years and the rest of the series later, I can’t give KH II that level of praise. 

Kingdom Hearts is a series where the first truly is the best, at least so far. Like CoM before it, KH II either introduces or continues trends and ideas that would bring later games down, and they all start to grate here. Elements like the secret reports and Summons lose their motivation in-story, and in the former case become a lazy way to toss out exposition that should have been part of the gameplay and cutscenes. For the first time, certain Disney worlds are saddled with stiff and uninspired re-tellings of their movie plots, devoid of room for Sora to make a difference. The pacing is uneven and it’s easy to lose sight of the main story during certain Disney worlds. Dialogue is often clunky, and fan service and pandering to Creators’ Pets hurts significant moments of the story. A lot of potential in the backstory of Roxas and the fate of Namine is left untapped. The trend of offering Kairi the will and ability to be more involved only to ignore the opportunity continues, Riku’s reintroduction to the group has issues, and Sora is caught in an awkward transition between the hero of the first came and the idiotic and ineffectual would-be messiah of later games.

With all of that said, though...I still love this game.

On paper, entries like Dream Drop Distance or KH III might’ve had greater ambition in the amount or kind of story they tried to tell, but in the actual presentation of the story, KH II is far more daring. From the prolonged opening sequence spent with a new character to the slow burn on the revelation of the Organization’s plans, KH II is quite unconventional in its story structure, and it often works to the game’s favor. Leaving so much of the year between KH I and II untold, even with CoM, is mystery done right, in a way that feels open to speculation and possibilities rather than heavy-handed teasing and baiting for spin-offs. This is the only time in the series where Maleficent and Pete make for an equal and compelling third party, and having that third force at play makes for another off-beat structural element that’s ultimately satisfying, even with the not-insignificant lag during the back half of the first Disney pass. The Organization being a collective villain rather than a single figure (even if Xemnas was its instigator) is a nice differentiation from KH I and CoM, and how pathetic the villains ultimately turn out to be gives them a nice degree of pathos - though that pathos isn’t carried too far.

While KH II is a few steps down the dark road, it hasn’t hit the abyss yet, and things that start to look problematic here are still strong overall. Some of the Disney worlds may have stiff movie recaps, but most are loose and accommodating to the larger KH story. Some may be filler, but most of them - on both passes - are at least technically connected to the main plot, and most of them - even the filler - in a meaningful and engaging way. The reports aren’t strongly motivated, but they’re not a complete crutch either. Roxas and Namine, if unfulfilled in their full potential, are still a force throughout the game (well, Roxas more than Namine) instead of being abruptly dropped.

Kairi’s denied obvious chances to get more involved, but she does get to strike out on her own and play a more active role in the story than she did in KH I. Riku’s pandered too a little too much once he reappears, but his role behind the scenes before then makes for a strong continuation of his redemption arc from R/R and is well-woven into the overall plot. Sora’s on the road to Flanderization, but he still has many of his better traits from the first game, including his greater competence at his missions and his believable, human reactions to the events around him. While he doesn’t have the arc of growth he had in KH I, or go through the deconstruction of CoM, he does have definite goals as an individual, and a pronounced sense of world-weariness as his chances of meeting those goals - finding Riku, going home, and seeing Kairi again - get further and further away.

Most of all, Kingdom Hearts II is still manageable in its story. The two sets of villains have relatively simple (but not simplistic) goals, and they’re revealed in a comprehensible fashion. More importantly, the logistics and pseudo-philosophical notions behind the villain plots don’t override the entire game, or pull focus from the protagonists. The heroes all have stories here, and if there’s an overarching theme to this game (not as clearly presented as the themes of KH I, mind you), it’s completion and resolution. If we may break them down:

Organization XIII, having made the foolish choice to discard their hearts, desperately try to escape the consequences of that choice through evil acts, only to fail and meet their ultimate end.

Roxas, who opens the game with mystery and confusion, comes to learn who he is and completes himself and Sora with his choice to surrender to his fate, something he grows to be at peace with.

Namine, having achieved a measure of peace with who and what she is, completes her tasks from the end of CoM and rejoins with her true self, after first saving Kairi and granting (most of) the heroes an escape from The World That Never Was.

Ansem the Wise, whose curiosity opened the door to everything that went wrong later, turns his back on base revenge and works to set the worlds to right, giving his own life in the process.

King Mickey, the hero who kept a deliberate watch on the state of the worlds and sounded the alert on the danger they were in, uncovers the truth about Organization XIII and plays his part to bring them to peace and finally makes it back home.

Donald and Goofy finally find their king.

Kairi, left alone with fading memories for a year, resolves to set out to find her friends, and not only achieves that goal, but facilitates their reconciliation and provides the means for them to finally return home.

Riku, after finding some measure of peace with himself in R/R, gives his all to see Sora restored and works to help him from the shadows, but fears to face his friends after his actions in KH I. When finally forced to, he learns that he hasn’t lost them, and the last of his self-doubt is discarded as he joins forces with Sora to finish off the last trace of Xehanort and make it back home.

And as for Sora, our chief hero: he is fully restored from his trials in CoM. Though eager - even desperate - to resume his search for Riku and return home, he doesn’t hesitate to start protecting the worlds again and finish off the remainder of the threat he first faced. While an authority figure presents that threat to him, Sora chooses to take it up, and carries it out without being directed or puppeted by Yen Sid at every step. The weight of the ordeals and his constant travels wear him down, the events of the year he lost (and Roxas’s role in those events) challenge him, and he does at one point refuse the call of the Keyblade (”Not yet! I have to find Kairi!”) Yet he persists in defending the worlds, even when it benefits the villains, and he fights his way to their castle to rescue and reunite with his friends. Having set out early in KH I to rescue those friends, he achieves this, finishes off the villain who turned his world upside down, and finally makes his way home to the island, the friends, and the girl he loves.

Kingdom Hearts II’s resolutions to all of these things is so final, and so satisfying, that the series since has had to ignore its finale, and a good chunk of its story, just to keep dragging things out. That’s to their detriment, but not KH II’s. While imperfect and uneven, it is a worthy sequel to the first game - the last such entry in the series - a lot of fun to play, and an ambitious and satisfying story.

And it has, to date, Kaoru Wada’s finest orchestration for the series. I absolutely adore his arrangement of Sanctuary from this game, and it makes me wish I’d kept up with the French horn every time I hear it.

The Hand That Reaches for God, Chapter 1

***Sometimes staying away is the easiest move. Keeping a safe distance, especially for Emerson and Dean Winchester. So, when the Maklen twins come home again, they don’t anticipate the feelings that Emerson will get having to see him again. When tragedy strikes, the Winchester brothers and the Maklen twins are forced to face, not only their feelings, but each other. In a story about pain, family, abandonment, and desire, the couples have to decide if survival, without love, is enough.***

Warnings: Angst, language, illness, mutual pinning

Chapter One

One of these mornings, it won’t be long, you’ll call my name, and I’ll be gone. - Oscar Isaac

-8 Hours Before-

The house smelled like medicine.

Growing up, Emerson always felt like her house smelled like some kind of baked good. It always smelled like cinnamon sugar cookies, and hot lemon tea. Her mother was a terrible cook, but she knew how to bake. Emerson thought it was a miracle that her and her identical twin sister, Ophelia, weren’t unbearably overweight. Especially Pheli, with her inability to say no to just one more cookie. Pheli was the kind of girl that everybody liked. She was made of sugar and breadcrumbs. She looked like the kind of girl that lived among the flowers. Growing up she was always the class favorite. Her smile would light up a room, where Emerson’s bad attitude would get her sent to the principal office so frequently that she had a chair with an imprint of her ass on it. She frequently was jealous of her sisters wiles. Ophelia seemed to have the ability to bat her eyelashes, and move mountains. It didn’t seem fair, but Emerson would soon learn that almost everything in life was unfair.

The house didn’t smell like baked goods, or lemon tea, or the flowers from Pheli’s hair anymore. Now it smelled like medicine. It smelled like sterile bed sheets, and oxygen. It smelled like pre-death. The Maklen sisters changed their last name when their father left, in solidarity, to stand with their mother. The girls were no longer the Wilson’s. They didn’t fit in the mold that Carl and his mustache left. The two tween girls and their mother burned all of the belonging’s he left in the house ceremoniously. They danced around the flames, and consumed an entire bottle of red wine.     Both girls adored their mother, from her kind eyes, to her full laugh. They thought she was the most beautiful woman to walk the planet Earth. All the girls could hope for when they grew up, was that someday they would be half the woman their mother was and twice the cook. They didn’t expect to have to say goodbye to her so soon, but then again, saying goodbye was never something that can be planned for. It always seemed too soon, even if there was all the time in the world. The house smelled like medicine, because their mother was dying. Her MS had gotten so bad that she was on a ventilator. She couldn’t move, and she had a permanent live in nurse. Emerson was convinced that she wasn’t even there anymore.

“She’s a husk, Pheli. We should just be done. Don’t you think she’s suffered enough?”    

“How could you say that?” “Look at her!” Emerson gestured to their mothers slumped body in hospital bed in the living room. “She doesn’t go to the bathroom by herself. She doesn’t eat. She doesn’t talk!” “She’s our Mom, Em.” Pheli said weakly, her hands dropping to her side. “I know who she is.” Ophelia forced Emerson to be the logical one. To be the harsh one. Emerson liked to think it was because she was the big sister, even by two minutes. It was her duty to carry the difficulties for both of them.

I took a lot of talking, crying, and shouting to finally come to an agreement. It was time. It was time to let her go. So they packed up their bags at the beginning of Summer break, during their senior year of college, and decided to come back home.    

They came back to the town they grew up in, to the green grass, and lazy people lounging on their front porches with an early afternoon beer in hand. Emerson went away to college to escape their old neighborhood. To escape the people who still saw her as the stringy haired girl with braces. The one who beat up all the boys. She wanted to escape their stares, and their jokes, but most of all she wanted to escape him. So, imagine her surprise, when the girls pulled up to their childhood home, just to see Dean Winchester waltz out of his front door to grab the newspaper, of all things. “Sam.” Emerson hissed, eyeing Ophelia’s boyfriend, and Dean’s younger brother, in the rear view mirror. “What is he doing here?”

Sam shrugged, and ran his finger through his shaggy hair. He was trying to grow it out for a man bun, and Ophelia supported the idea. She was always trying out new kinds of braids, and was excited to have someone to practice on. “Dunno, Em.” Liar, Emerson thought. She knew the boys kept in pretty constant communication. They were almost as needy as she and Ophelia were. Dean was four years older than the girls and Sam. He seemed to always be around when she was growing up, but the older they got the more annoying he was. He’d bring bimbos to their hangouts, and he always ended up smoking pot or sneaking alcohol into their basement.

“Dean you’re going to get us in trouble,” Ophelia complained as he lit up a cigarette.

“God you’re such a girl.”

“That's offensive, ass.” Emerson said, punching his arm.    

“Sammy, you seriously gonna let them talk to me that way?”

Sam shrugged. “Probably.”

The four of them were always stuck together. The boys were inseparable, just like the sister’s, and once Sam and Pheli started dating, the four of them were laced and tangled together. No matter what Emerson did, she couldn’t shake Dean Winchester loose. He was always there, seemingly lurking around the corner. “This is just not what I need this weekend.” Emerson complained, quietly.     Pheli reached for her sister and squeezed her arm. “Hey, don’t worry about him. This weekend is about us. It's about Mom.” She said softly. “Don’t let anything else distract you.” Em sighed, letting out all the breath in her lungs in a single huff. “You’re right. I know you’re right. I’m sorry.” The girls smiled at each other warmly, as Emerson parked the car. Sam ducked out of the back seat stretching his arms into the air. “That drive will never not suck.” He complained gently, before resting his arm across Ophelia’s shoulders. He was almost an entire foot taller than her, and sometimes when they were together it was almost comical. Dean was still standing in the driveway, looking dumbfounded in his pajama pants and ratty AC/DC t-shirt. He gave Emerson a half wave, and she wiggled her fingers back at him. When she was a junior in high school, and he was twenty-one he decided to join the military. He was gone for so long that she barely remembered what he looked like, that was until he came home for his first Christmas back. It was her last Christmas before college. His hair was short, and he had developed muscles that she didn’t know existed. He was wearing his camouflage uniform, buttoned and steamed pristinely, as he waltzed up to her door.

“Hey Em.”    

“Dean.” “Hm.” “What?” She asked, crossing her arms. “Just not used to people calling me that. I’m just Winchester in the military.”  He was standing up completely straight, and there was little snark to his voice. Emerson raised her eyebrow. “Yeah, I guess they would, wouldn’t they?”

“It’s pretty weird.” He said, scratching the back of his head.

“Did you need something?” “What? Oh… no. I don’t.” He said curtly. “Just letting you know I’m home.” “Cool.” She said awkwardly, leaning against the door frame. “Well, guess I’ll see ya later.”

“Guess so.” She said, slowly shutting the door. His hand slipped in, catching the door before she could shut it. “What?”

“Merry Christmas.” He said, before letting the door click shut. 

He looked different now. His hair was longer, not long like Sam’s, but longer than she saw him with in awhile. He looked tired, his shoulders were slumped and he had purple half moons under his eyes from lack of sleep. “This weekend is about us. It’s about Mom. Don’t let anything else distract you.” Her sisters words echoed in her head. She was right, of course she was.

Emerson pulled her bag out of the backseat of the car and walked up the steps, unlocking the door to the house. She instantly got a whiff of something musty and her nose curled up. “Phel, go open up all the windows?”

The nursing staff had taken their mom back to the hospital per Emerson’s request. She didn’t want to have to take care of the body once they pulled the plug, if they were in the hospital the staff did that. She knew she would have bigger things to worry about. She knew Pheli wouldn't handle it well. She was such a delicate flower. 

“Sure.” She went to go open up the windows, and Sam followed her like a puppy. He’d been doing that his whole life, and if Emerson was being honest, it was beginning to lose its charm. Maybe she was just turning into a cynic. Their mothers hospital bed was still in the middle of the living room. A flimsy mattress on wheels. Medical supplies were covering every spare counter space. An IV bag still hung on its pole over their mothers bed, the tube swinging in the fresh air that rushed through the house.

This is going to be such a pain to clean up. Emerson started to make a mental checklist of everything she had to do. She had to return all of the medical supplies, call the funeral home, set up a service, call the lawyers… her thoughts rattled off, only being interrupted by a rap at the door.

Christ, what now?

She drug herself to the front door, swinging it open. “Yes?”

Dean grinned back at her. She looked him up and down, noticing that he decided to change into some real pants, even if the jeans did have holes in them. “Wow, so chipper, Em.”

“What are you doing here, Dean?”

He shrugged, pushing past her. “Just noticed you guys pulling up. I’m going to this party tonight, if you guys want to come.”

“A party? Seriously?” Her eyes followed him, locking on his bare skin poking out from his short sleeved shirt. “Did Sam not tell you why we were here?” “No?” He groaned, hopping up on the counter. Emerson rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. She eyed the six foot tall man that was now swinging his legs like a child off the edge of her mothers counter top. “But I did forget that you’re boring. You’d never go to a party. Can’t have any fun.” He teased, his green eyes challenging her. Emerson rolled her eyes. “Get a fucking grip, Winchester. We are here for Mom.” Her tone hit him like a truck, causing him to suck in his breath.

“Mom… is Jana okay?”

“No. She isn’t.” Emerson said harshly, even though she shouldn't have. He obviously didn’t know.

“What’s wrong?”

She sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose, before gathering up her long blonde hair, and twisting it in to a bun on the top of her head. “We are letting her go, Dean. She’s been on the vent for a year. It’s time.”

His eyes softened, his lips parting to let out a whoosh of air. “What? Shit… I’m so sorry I didn’t know.”

“Of course you didn’t.” She snapped. “How could you know? Not like we talk anymore. All you’re worried about is the fucking party. So go would you?”

He winced and hopped down off the counter. “Fine. Don’t have to ask me twice. Tell Sammy to come by and see his big brother.” He said before pushing out into the yard, slamming the door behind him, causing the frame to rattle.

“What was that?” Ophelia called from the back room. 

“Nothing Phel!” Emerson called back, before pressing her back against the door, and slowly sliding to the floor. She captured her face in her hands and let out a low scream, tears stinging her eyes. It was all just too hard. Too damn hard. She let her head hit the door, hoping for a little clarity that didn’t come. Maybe she should go to the party after all. -4 Hours Before-

Sam was being unsurprisingly helpful. He was able to reach everything on the top shelf, and he and Pheli weren’t even being as flirtatious as they usually were. They’d been cleaning, and organizing, and making calls for the last four hours and Emerson just about had it. She fell back onto the couch and stared at the ceiling fan.

“Sam?”

“Sup?” He asked, poking his head out of the kitchen, holding a glass of water. “The fan is so fucking dusty. I doubt anyone has cleaned it in ten years.” She commented, staring at the fluff that was poking over the edge of the fan, threatening to float down, directly into her face.

“I’m on it, boss.” He said with a grin. She didn’t see it, but she heard it in his voice. She rolled her eyes.

“I’m getting a headache.” Pheli complained. “Can we get something to eat? Take a little break?”

“Oh that sounds awesome.” Sam agreed.

The couple poked their heads over the side of the couch, and Emerson slowly opened her eyes to catch them staring at her. “What do you say, Em?”

“We have so much to do, Phel.” Emerson sighed. I’m the bad guy, again. “I’m sure you need a break, too.” She said quietly. “Come on. Look at you, you’re wiped. We have all Summer to clean the house... it doesn’t have... it doesn’t have to be done before we go to the hospital in the morning.” Emerson watched her sisters fingers go into her mouth, as she bit at her cuticles. It was an anxious habit that their mother had tried to break her of, but she never quite could. Emerson didn’t bother mentioning it in that moment, though, it wasn’t important. Not really.

“But I did forget that you’re boring. You’d never go to a party. Can’t have any fun.” Dean’s voice entered her head at that moment. Maybe she couldn’t have any fun, but that didn’t mean Pheli didn’t deserve some. She was about to lose her mother, after all. Emerson pressed her lips together, making a decision that she was sure she would regret. “Fine. Let’s have fun tonight.” She swung her legs over the side of the couch. “Dean mentioned a party to me earlier.” “You talked to Dean?” Phel asked, raising her eyebrows. “Do you want to go, or not?”

“Yes!” Ophelia said quickly, eyeing Sam. He shrugged in response. “Call him, tell him we’re in.” She looked excited, her face lighting up. It was enough to make Emerson stand up, and walk right over to the Winchester house and knock.

“I got it!” She heard Dean shout from behind the front door. The lock clicked and the door swung open. His green eyes widened in surprise. “Oh, Em, hey.” He scratched the back of his head, exposing a bulge of muscle under the skin on his bicep.     She shifted uncomfortably, tugging on a hair that was coming out of her bun. “I talked to Pheli, and she is interested in the party... so do you have the details?”

“You want to go to a party?” Dean asked, flustered. Emerson raised an eyebrow, confused by his reaction to her. Maybe it was all the time that had passed, or maybe it was the fact that he knew that her mother would be dead in less than 24 hours, that was making him squirm. “Not me, but Pheli, and well, where she goes I go.” “Right, I’m just surprised.” “I can see that.” Emerson smirked. “You going to give me the details, or not?” “Actually... not.” Dean said, his eyebrow quirked upward. “And why the fuck not?”

“Relax, Maklen.” He laughed lightly. “I just don’t think that party is a good idea, but I do have something else in mind. I’ll pick you up in an hour? Tell Sammy to come over here. I want to talk to him.” He shut the door before she could argue. Her lips were hung open, her jaw slack. She let out a huff of air and turned on her heels, marching back to her own front door. He is so fucking annoying. She shook her head, not believing she agreed to spend her last night before the worst day of her life with him, of all people. You’re spending the night with Pheli. Not him. She reminded herself.

“So, what’s the four-one-one?” Pheli asked, anxiously, the moment Emerson walked in the front door.

“Well, we aren’t going to a party.” She began, and watched her sisters face melt in front of her.

“Oh.”

“Hey don’t give me that. We aren’t going to a party because Dean Winchester has something else in mind for tonight.” Emerson pursed her lips. “So if you’re wanting to risk that, then he is picking us up in an hour.”

Ophelia’s face lit up again. “Sweet! I’ll get changed.” “Oh, and Sam, he wants to see you.” Emerson added before pointing to the front door. “So, I guess we will see you in an hour?”

“Guess so.” Sam offered, with a shrug, before kissing Pheli’s forehead and walking out the front door. The girls went up the stairs to their old, shared bedroom. It was all flowers and sheer curtains. Lanterns were strung over their beds. Clearly Ophelia was the interior designer, and Emerson was just living in it. “So...” Pheli started, as she lowered herself in front of her vanity. “When did you see Dean?”

“In the yard.” Emerson said, dumbly, sitting on the edge of her bed. She had no intention of changing out of her jeans and t-shirt to hangout in some mysterious location with the boys next door.

“I was with you in the yard, he didn’t mention a party. So try again?” Her sister asked her, eyeing her in the mirror as she let down her own blonde hair.

“He came by after that. When you were opening all the windows.” Emerson said, nonchalantly. “Oh, sure. That’s not worth mentioning.” Ophelia rolled her eyes, before running a brush through her hair. “Then what happened?” “He came inside and was an ass, like usual. He invited us out, and I told him we weren’t exactly here to party.”

Pheli sat her brush down and turned on her stool. “Ah, Em. You told him about Mom.”

Emerson pinched the bridge of her nose and shrugged. “Guess I did.” 

“I know you guys don’t get along, but do you really think he’s that big of a monster that he would just gloss over that fact once you told him?”

“Kind of.” She admitted with a sigh. “I don’t know, maybe I just wanted to knock him down a peg. He is so... infuriating. You know? Cocky.”

“Cocky.” Ophelia echoed. “That’s what I said.” Emerson said, her cheeks heating up.     “I know.” She grinned back at her sister. “Just making sure you heard it, too.” She shrugged. Dean Winchester had always been a lot to handle. Between his car and women, the only reason she could deal with him at all, was the way he was with his brother. He never let anyone bully Sam growing up, and in turn, never let anyone mess with the girls, either.

“You know, you two are freakishly similar, right?” Pheli added, as she touched up her makeup. “Excuse me?” “Oh come on, don’t tell me you don’t see it? Even after all this time, you’re both the same.” She rolled her eyes.

“What the fuck does that mean?” Emerson asked, standing up. She crossed her arms. “Okay, I guess we have to do this now.” Pheli said, finishing her lipstick. She glanced at herself one more time before turning to her sister. “Ever since we were kids you’ve both liked each other. Don’t bother arguing, I’m your sister. I have twinsense. I can tell who you like, even if you’re too stubborn to see it. When he came home for Christmas from Afghanistan he was here to see you. Now you just have to decide how you feel, because watching this dance is honestly exhausting.” She stood up and walked to her sister. “Now lets get you changed, because I’m not letting you go to this thing wearing jeans and a t-shirt.” Emerson rolled her eyes, but didn’t bother arguing. She never bothered with Ophelia. She could talk her face blue, just to get the person she was arguing with to give in. Emerson didn’t see the point in trying to prove someone wrong who refused to listen to reason.    

Ophelia dressed Emerson in a black dress, and let her hair down. She slid into her ankle boots, and hid behind her red plaid flannel, before meeting the Winchester brothers on the front porch. Dean leaned against his Impala with his arms crossed. He wore a flannel that was pretty similar to Ems, over his AC/DC shirt, jeans, and boots. Sam had a blue button up, and looked like he finally brushed his hair. Ophelia leapt into his arms and he spun her around, kissing her. Emerson walked to Dean. “So, where are we headed?” “It’s a surprise, Em. Don’t you know how to relax?” He asked with a cheeky grin.

“No.” She said, before opening the back door and sliding into the back seat. She watched the scenery fly past them as they sped down the road. The world blurred like sidewalk chalk in the rain.

“Here we are.” Dean said, pulling up to the pier. Emerson raised her eyebrow. “Please tell me we aren’t going fishing.”

“No.” Dean laughed, shaking his head. “Better.” He pulled out the keys and slid out of the car. The girls eyed each other and Pheli shrugged, taking Sams hand.

The brothers lead the girls to the end of the dock where a large sail boat was  tied. Dean gave a goofy grin, before hopping up on the deck. “All aboard!”

“Do you say that to all your dates?” Sam asked with a smirk.

“Whose is this?” Emerson asked, watching Sam hoist Pheli up onto the boat. “Dean Winchester, whose boat is this?”

“One of my officers, relax. He’s still overseas, and I clean it for him.” He shrugged. “He’s fine if I take it out.”     “You never cared about sailing before.” Emerson said, pursing her lips.

Dean rolled his eyes and offered her his hand. “Like you said, we don’t talk anymore, so you don’t really know what I’m into. Just trust me.” There was something about the softness to his green eyes that made her groan and rest her hand in his. He pulled her up, whipping her into his arms. ”Hey there, Sweetheart.” He murmured, his face close to hers.

“Let me go.” She said shortly, and he released her from his grip.

“Alright, folks. So we have refreshments down below, I hope you are all ready for the most epic goodbye party I could come up with in an afternoon.” He grinned widely and started to untie the boat from the dock. Emerson met her sister at the front of the boat, while Sam helped Dean get the boat out of the harbor. “Do they know what they’re doing?”

“I don’t know,” Pheli admitted. “But it sure is beautiful, isn’t it?” “It is.” Emerson admitted, letting out a breath she didn’t realize she was holding. The girls watched the boat leave the harbor and Emerson suddenly overwhelmed with emotion. She turned her face away from Pheli. She promised herself a long time ago that she wouldn’t cry around her sister. There was only one emotional Maklen sister, and it wouldn’t be her. “Phel, come here! I got you a drink.”

“Duty calls.” Her sister said with a grin before walking back to her boyfriend.

Emerson gripped the railing and felt the tears sting her eyes. She blinked a few times, urging them to leave her, like the boat left the dock. “Hey.” His voice invaded her space, causing her to jump. “Shit, Winchester.” She exhaled, eyeing Dean. “Got you something.” He said, offering her a beer.

“May need something stronger.” She admitted as she took the beer from him. She took a swig and wiped a tear from her cheek. If he noticed it, he didn’t mention it, and she was grateful for that. “Got that too.” He grunted, pulling a flask from his pocket.

“Thank god. Your wild ways are finally worth something.” She said, taking the flask from him. She unscrewed the top and took a swig, letting the warm whiskey roll down her throat.

“Damn.” Dean laughed, as she took another swig. “Maybe I was wrong about you after all.”

She eyed him. Could she be wrong about him too? “Maybe you were.” She handed him back the flask, and he met her eyes as he took a swig himself, replacing the cap.

“Don’t put it away so fast.” She said softly, her voice almost lost in the wind from the sail.

“Keep pace, Sweetheart.” “I’m not your Sweetheart.”

“I know.” He said, his eyes traveling from her eyes to her lips. “Trust me, I know.” “Good.” She said, peeling her eyes away from his, and back out to the ocean. “It’s endless, isn’t it?” “Sure seems that way, sometimes.” “I like it.” She admitted. “I hate endings.”    

“I know what you mean.” He said, leaning over the railing. “But sometimes an end can be a new beginning. One door closes another opens, and all that.” “Where’s the other door for this?” Emerson asked him. “Where’s the way out?” She turned to him, catching him staring at her. Her blonde hair blew in the sea breeze and he reached forward pushing a piece behind her ear.

“This time it may be a window. Sometimes you gotta get creative.”

“You think you’re so fucking cute, don’t you?”

“Do you think I’m cute?” He wiggled his eyebrows, and suddenly she was shot back to reality.

“No.” She took a swig of her beer and focused on the horizon again. “Sky's beautiful.”

“Sometimes, when things are real shitty, I look up at the sky.” He said with a shrug. “Sort of makes everything else seem small. All my problems, what the fuck are they compared to the sky?”

“They feel pretty big from down here.” She admitted. He cracked a sad smile. “I get what you mean.”

“Why are you back, anyway?” Emerson asked, eyeing him. “Where’s the famous Lisa that I’ve heard so much about?” Dean’s jaw tightened at the mention of her name and he turned to Emerson. “We aren’t exactly friends, Em. Maybe we should just keep the talk to the sky, and the sea. Not get too serious.”

“You invited me here to... what? Get fucked up before I have to kill my mom in the morning? Not exactly a time to be telling me what I’m allowed to talk about.”

He ran his fingers over his face, almost as if he was trying to wipe away the growing frown on his lips.

“You know your face is going to get stuck that way if you keep that up.” They’d tell him when they were kids. “Yeah, fuck you, too.” He’d cleverly retort. “I heard keeping shit bottled up makes you have premature wrinkles,” she said, running her fingers over her own forehead where his had deep thoughtful, frown lines.

“There’s nothin premature about me, baby.” He said, looking at her through perfectly curled eyelashes.

“God.” She groaned, turning away from him. “I don’t know why I even bother.” She pulled her flannel together, suddenly feeling over exposed. “You’re exactly the same as you’ve always been. You’ve never said a single thing that’s real in your entire life! Have you?”

“And you do?” He laughed, turning toward her. “We all have defense mechanisms. Mine is humor. Yours is bitchiness.”

“I’m sorry, bitchiness?”

“Did I stutter?” He asked, inching so close to her that their chests brushed gently.

“I do not hide behind bitchiness.”

“You’re doing it right now.” Dean laughed, gesturing to her. “You’re too busy worrying about how Phel’s doin that you don’t even let yourself be sad about your mom. That’s thirty levels of fucked up.”

“And what about you? Sargent Dean Winchester with the US Army, back at home at twenty-seven living with Mommy and Daddy? What the fuck is that about? Where’s your fiancée, Dean?”

“That’s none of your goddamn business.” He stared down into her golden eyes, challenging her. “You offered up the information about your mom, I didn’t pry. So stop weaseling into my business.”

“Whose hiding behind bitchiness now?” He made her crazy. She wanted to punch him, like she did when she was eight and he pissed her off. She broke his nose. It was a life highlight for her. She wanted to hit him, but there was something else. He smelled like pine soap, and the whiskey he was drinking. His face was damp from the sea spray, and the sun had finally dipped below the ocean. She could see him clearly in the silver light of the moon. Every fleck of gold in his green eyes. Every hair that pushed through his skin on his cheeks and chin. Every freckle on his nose that could make constellations like the endless night sky. He made her crazy. Dean Winchester was made of something entirely different from anyone she’d ever met. He was made of oil, car parts, sass, and a honey so sweet it made her teeth ache. His tongue darted out of his mouth and ran over his bottom lip, so quickly, that if she hadn’t been staring at his mouth she may have missed it, but she saw it and it made her stomach flip. “Guys?” Sam said, coming up behind them. “Not to interrupt or anything but...” The two turned to look at Sam, breathing heavily. He held Pheli’s hand in one hand, and pointed out past them with the other. Ophelias hand was covering her mouth, and even in the silver glow of the moon Emerson could tell that her sister was pale. Sam’s eyes were wide, as he stared past them. Their chests were still touching as they followed his pointed finger out toward the shore, where in the distance an orange glow lit up the sky. “What the...”

The world shook. The sea collapsed over itself, sending the four young adults slamming against the railing, and barely keeping the sail boat upright. Seawater sloshed aboard, and into their shoes, across their shins. Emerson tumbled over the side of the boat in a single, fluid motion, the rail slamming into her stomach. She groaned in pain, as Dean grabbed ahold of her hand at the last possible moment. His grip was tight, even in the spray from the ocean. She hung freely over the edge, gripping at his hand, trying to pull herself back on board, as the wave rocked the boat back upright. Dean hoisted her small frame up easily, back over the rail. He wrapped his arms around her instinctively, his feet planted on the deck, as if the simple force of his stance could keep them from capsizing. They turned back to the orange light, white clouds seeming to rush up from the ground.

“Is that...?” Pheli asked, her voice trembling.

“It’s a mushroom cloud.” Dean confirmed. His eyes were focused off in the distance at the explosion. The clouds of dust, or smoke, curled up like a hand toward the sky. It was gripping for God.

“Is it a bomb?” Pheli gripped Sams chest, and he wrapped his arms protectively around her.

“Dean, maybe we should go under?” He asked, quietly.

Deans hands still gripped Emersons wrist. Her eyes traveled from the explosion to Deans solid expression. She could see him working out a plan. “Yeah.” He said suddenly. “Let’s go under. We can try the radio, and see if anyone’s talkin. We need to get some kind of cover, because if its a terrorist attack they may strike again.” “Terrorist?” Pheli started to cry. “Oh my god.”

“Hey,” Emerson said, turning her attention to her sister. “It’s okay. We are okay. Look at me, we are okay. Dean knows what to do.” Pheli pulled her fingers up to her mouth and bit down on some loose skin around her thumb, but she nodded at her sister. She believed her. What other choice did she have?

“You three go down, I’ll get the sails back up and get us a little further out to sea.”

“Do you need help?” Emerson asked, eyeing him.

“Not safe.” He grunted. “Go down. Now.” She nodded. “Okay, but hurry. If it’s not safe for us, it isn’t safe for you either.” She took her sisters hand and let Sam lead them down below. She made her way to the radio next to the bed. Sam lowered his girlfriend to a seated position, she looked like she was losing it. Other than the tears rolling down her cheeks she seemed pretty catatonic, staring blankly forward, past Sam, at nothing.

Emerson clicked on the radio and flipped through the stations. Click. Click. Click. Buzz. “Nothing. Fuck.” She said to herself.

She met Sams eyes and shook her head. All of the stations were dead. The air on the other end was empty air. It was like the smoke reached up, and ripped God straight from the sky, leaving it empty, void of communication. Pheli gripped the cross around her neck and mumbled some kind of prayer. Emerson moved her eyes from Sams to her sister. She didn’t have the heart to tell her that she didn’t think anyone was listening, not anymore. 

—————

Chapter Two 

Get caught up!

﹤𝙽𝙰𝙽𝙰 𝙺𝙾𝙼𝙰𝚃𝚂𝚄, 𝚂𝙷𝙴 / 𝙷𝙴𝚁, 𝙲𝙸𝚂 𝙵𝙴𝙼𝙰𝙻𝙴﹥; * - hello EMIKO " EMI " SATO. long time no see. i know a lot about you. like how you're TWENTY ONE, how you're a CLASSICS major,  and in fact.. how you LIE AND TELL EVERYONE YOU STUDIED ABROAD FOR A YEAR WHEN YOU WERE ACTUALLY IN REHAB. would be a shame if it got out, wouldn't it ? so let's play a game. 𝚃𝚁𝚄𝚃𝙷 𝙾𝚁 𝙳𝙰𝚁𝙴 ?

*itzy vc* hey hey hey ! SDBJWBDJW what’s up......its xan aha ... this is gonna be the biggest mess ever ...just winging it as i go. and u know what ? thats on on brand babey ! lets get it ...TW: drug use/mention, accidents/hospitalization ( just in case)

backstory

virginia born and raised babey ! she’s the youngest of five siblings and ...it shows. SJDBJWBDJW growing up would have been pretty chaotic had it not been for the fact that her dad was a pretty well-respected police officer in their town ! him & her mom were high school sweethearts which made no damn sense to emiko considering they’re still happily married...the concept just seems fake to her </3

while her parents had a lot of  mushy love for each other, when it came to their kids they opted to take a more emotionally distanced kind of parenting style bc they didnt wanna like spoil their kids or anything but.....it wasnt exactly the best plan ! emi and all her siblings just learned to be very good liars JDSBWBDJW as kids with strict parents do

being the youngest emi took a while to get into her rebellious phase. for a while she’d just watch her older siblings sneak out and party and do walks of shame and all that jazz...and while she was always down to help them get out of trouble none of them ever really trusted her ? since she was the baby they figured she’d be the most likely to snitch which just made her really ///: bc she wanted to be included so bad

flash forward to senior year of high school and finally emi’s like . okay fuck this it’s MY turn ! her dad had recently decided to get into politics with some encouragement from the police chief so he was busy with his career and her mom was busy helping him. it was the perfect time to do what she wanted since it was less likely she’d get caught

so she goes to this graduation party.....and it’s BAD like she gets fucked up & carried away so she calls her oldest sister ( who had come back into town for emi’s graduation ) to come pick her up & on the way to get emi from this house party, her sister ends up getting into an accident 

she didn’t die though JSBJDSBBWJDBWJDBJWDW just broke some stuff and ended up needing surgery ): and emi obviously got busted that night by her parents which ... wasnt pretty at all especially bc they low key blamed her for her sister’s accident which just made emi feel like pure shit babey ! 

visiting her sister in the hospital is what kinda sparked her fear of hospitals ! bc emi was like super guilty and paranoid that maybe her sister was gonna die or her surgery would go wrong and she’d essentially be at fault...it was just a lot of anxiety that turned into a genuine phobia of hospitals after that

but her sister made it she was okay and her dad used all the buzz and tragedy around his family to kinda boost his political career....which was ugly. her sister had been prescribed some pretty heavy pain killers for the pain & thats where things got.....messy

emi isnt sure when exactly it started but between the guilt she was harboring over her sister’s accident, the stress from her parents as her dad got further and further into virginia politics as well as college anxiety since she was about to start at the universoty of virginia.....she stole some oxy and thats what started what would be a very messy and tumultuous addiction  

as soon as she started college, emi felt as if some of the weight had been lifted. she was living away from her family for the first time and dorming so she promised herself she’d take these four years to grow and figure out who she is......except that didnt exactly happen. instead of exploring herself in a healthy way, emi was using drugs as a sort of escapism from her “old” self. she’s extremely smart and she loves her major, but her professors would often comment her papers had the energy of a “rambling and troubled mind”. by the time she was about to finish her sophomore year she was getting so high people would find her literally passed out in the dining hall. but no one was that worried bc for a good two years, she was a pretty high functioning addict. 

cue the summer after sophomore year when emi overdoses at a party. she woke up in a private hospital room with only her father sitting on the couch, the look on his face something she’ll never forget. while him and her mother knew exactly what happened to emi, they hadn’t told any of her siblings. or anyone at all, for that matter. instead her dad had informed the university emi would be taking a year off to privately study abroad and told emi that’s what she was going to tell people bc he’d just decided to run for mayor ! he essentially guilt-tripped her into thinking telling people the truth would be a selfish act, and one that would basically ruin the family reputation and make everyone really miserable JSDWDBWBDJW he also tells her she’s gonna be shipped off to rehab ! 

so she goes to rehab for a good seven months. everyone at school thinks she’s studying abroad in italy, and emi is literally just counting the days til she can go back home to her dorm bc she’s lonely !!! in rehab !!! and she gets that she should take it seriously but shes just so mad at her dad and herself and the world too ig ... just some good old fashioned angst ! but she finishes rehab and her dad got elected as mayor of her hometown in virginia and shes like good for u can i go back to school please JSBDWJDBJW and he says yes

so she’s back ! ready for the universe to give her a break.....ahaha.....

personality + tidbits

so emi......my baby......she’s a strange one. she’s that bitch that’s super nerdy but in the weirdest way like the stuff she’s into is so specific and just....generally stuff literally no one else would care about but to emi it’s like holy shit this is the coolest thing in the world JSBDJWBDJWBJD she knows a little about a lot so she has the tendency to come across as pretentious if you don’t know her outside of class when in reality she’s just read one too many random facts. also weird in the sense that she’s a STRONG believer in the paranormal and in aliens and in witchcraft and stuff like that as well as believing in things that seem “logical”. it can be confusing to people who view that stuff as silly that someone so smart would be into it. 

speaking of smart.....she’s a polygot which basically means she can speak a bunch of languages ! she’s self-taught, and since she’s a classics major some of her favorites to study include greek and latin ( dead language who ? ). she’s pretty chill about it though and if you wanted to learn she’d be the type that’s 100% down to teach you. she always learns the curse words first just you know....for the fun of it ! she probably has very specific “pet names” for everyone in the friend group in random languages 

anyway she’s also stupid. ASDJWBDWBJDBWJDWJD i mean like in the way that she makes the most .... impulsive decisions that usually have negative consequences. she’s the type to convince herself she knows exactly what she’s then come up with the worst plan you have ever heard in your life. an example of a dumb decision emi has made ? your girl ate a pot brownie the day after she got back in her dorm after rehab bc she convinced herself it was a good way to de-stress. some other dumb decisions include various drunk tattoos ( which thankfully haven’t been too bad save for the words eat me tattooed in small font on her ass ). also owns a stick & poke gun so she’s for sure tried to tattoo friends while intoxicated despite.....not being a tattoo artist ... she’s not even an art student .... SJBDJWBDJW....but she’s very very good at convincing people to join in on her dumb antics so be weary

big on photography !!! she loves taking pictures. always that one friend who reminds you to document the moment and you get annoyed but then when you want to post a picture on insta you’re thankful she was there <3 she has the energy of like .... the dad friend when you need support JSDBWBDJWBDJW she tries to be caring but it just turns into like ... emi high off her ass putting her hand on your shoulder and being like “you know fuck it man you’re amazing” not that good at the emotional stuff like she really wants to be but she legit doesn’t know how.......kinda accidentally turned into an emo kid bc she channels her feelings though some kick ass playlists and the notes app in her iphone instead of talking to people JSBDJWBJDBWJDBJ 

she’s high key struggling but she’s the type to be like no its fine this is fine life is a ride babey better hold on ! tries to keep things flirty and fresh 99% of the time but then you’ll witness the rare emi breakdown which.....involves a whole lot of tweets that will all be deleted within 24 hours and emi will in fact deny they ever existed

really a laid-back girl but the chaotic energy is there folks......she can also very easily get into her youngest child complex if she’s upset which just involves emi being a pain in the ass and everyone having to deal with it JSBDWBDJWBDJWBDJW  she likes to make it hard to say no to her.....not exactly manipulative but sometimes she can get close /: not listed in her fears but she is in fact scared of genuine love and affection ! it’s like she craves it so much she’s terrified abt what will happen if she ever gets it.......so she makes sure she’s never in danger of that by never getting into anything serious.....but then at night shes like damn . kinda want a freak to hold my hand rn and tell me they love me ... JSDBWBDJWBDJWBJDWJDW it’s all fun and games.............

ok thats it im done rambling.................this is so long..............and for what !!!!! i made her more of a clown than i intended but thats okay (: JSDBJWBDWJDBWJ emi might hate clowns but im embracing them ! 

Star Wars Episode IX: The Rise of Skywalker - Review

12/20/19  ** Spoilers

Directed by JJ Abrams (Lucasfilm / Disney)

Among the current social media and the 24 hour advertisement cycle, if you wanted, its possible to piece together much of the plot of this movie, or any big blockbuster these days. Its for this reason I avoided every single piece of media about Star Wars: Episode IX The Rise of Skywalker before I saw it. Even when bombarded with Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, TV ads, and movie previews, I successfully dodged all snippets of the movie in order to be as surprised as possible once I sat down to see it. That night was tonight, and it’s felt like a long and arduous two years since The Last Jedi. Once again I have deeply mixed feelings about a new Star Wars movie, but I enjoyed myself more in The Rise of the Skywalker than I did in The Last Jedi, but not necessarily for shakesperian reasons.

The fans were worried about how The Rise of Skywalker would turn out, and as release day approached, reviews were already negative. I accidentally saw a Rottentomatoes critics score in the mid 20′s, and several videos were already uploaded to YouTube giving away that broad opinion of this film. This concerned me, as even critics liked The Last Jedi, which is one of my least favorite Star Wars movies. I let all of the negativity brush off me like a blaster bolt on Beskar armor. I went into The Rise of Skywalker rooting for it and looking to find every positive it could bring being the ninth main installment of the Star Wars saga. I was also ready for this trilogy to be over so everyone whining online could move on and obsess over something else. In an odd, semi-genuine, and semi-ironic way, I had tons of fun in The Rise of Skywalker, even acknowledging its horribly messy and rushed script.

Each of these Star Wars movies to me is like how a new chapter in the Bible would feel for a Christian, and the theater is my house of worship. The series’ trademark title blasted onto the screen among roaring trumpets, and I was ready. My auditorium applauded as the Star Wars logo shrunk to the background and the opening crawl appeared at the bottom of the screen. Seeing a new Star Wars movie in the theaters is always a holiday for me. Each film is a new addition to the lore of my favorite movie universe of all time, pulling from years as a kid before I can even remember the first time I saw it (thank you parents). This movie had me grinning from ear to ear, bringing out that inner child in me that Star Wars always used to do, something The Force Awakens partially did, and what The Last Jedi failed to do completely.

JJ Abrams continues his pension for fast paced scenes, but somehow still containing a ton of charm. We finally get to see Poe Dameron (Oscar Isaac), Finn (John Boyega), Chewie (Joonas Suotamo), C-3PO (Anthony Daniels) all working together on the same mission. The characters have a ton of charisma between them, and it inspires me to think of the potential for them having been together more often in this trilogy. I enjoyed their quips and didn’t think it got out of control or relied too much on bathos. The first half of this movie moves like a racetrack, as our heroes move from one location to another pursued by the First Order enough to almost make me dizzy. This would turn out to be a running issue with the movie, and if JJ Abrams and the editor would have let each scene go a little slower and last a little longer, it would have been more appreciated.

Kylo Ren (Adam Driver) is the Supreme Leader of the First Order, having murdered and usurped Snoke (Andy Serkis) in the last film, and is on a personal quest to track down what may be the resurrection of Emperor Palpatine (Ian McDiarmid). The movie opens on this note, and having none of it spoiled ahead of time for me, found it to be intriguing and exciting. The Emperor is one of the best and most fleshed out characters in Star Wars, and I was curious to learn how he resurrected. Unfortunately the movie barely gives an explanation and we are simply left with the spectacle of what I call Necro Palpatine. However we do have it explained that Snoke was a mere puppet of Palpatine in some capacity, but we aren’t told to what extent, or any other kind of logical backstory. It both answers and raises more questions simultaneously, about both dark lords.

The Rise of Skywalker also goes out of its way in several places to help explain some of the more controversial elements of the prior film, and I appreciated it as a fan of the series who felt toyed with in The Last Jedi. It’s obviously a wink wink to the audience, but I’d much rather have it than not. Greatest of all was Luke (Mark Hamill) being redeemed, as he admitted he was not only wrong to go hide on the island, but toss his father’s lightsaber over his shoulder. The movie also tries to shoe-in more explanation of what Luke was doing after his Jedi Academy was destroyed, which included trying to find the Sith Wayfinder along with Lando Carissian (Billy Dee Williams). It’s not a great explanation of why Luke disappeared, and I wish this was clearly the plan from the beginning of the trilogy. The Wayfinder is basically a key to get to Exegol where Palpatine is hiding. It becomes Rey (Daisy Ridley) and her friend’s mission to find the Wayfinder, through various means and mcguffins. 

John Williams and the London Symphony Orchestra returns one final time scoring a Star Wars movie. I heard a dozen of his old tracks throughout the film and I had fun naming as many as I could. For how much I love his leitmotifs and listen to his music ad noaseam, whether its giving me an emotional rush during a run or driving on the highway, I couldn’t recall any new music heard in this film. The first thing I did when I got home from the movie was try to download the soundtrack from Spotify but it wasn’t available yet. I still give this movie a big thumbs up for its soundtrack because although it isn’t new, the way Williams’ music is used and where it’s placed gave me goosebumps every time. Hearing Rey’s theme in just the right moments made me happy, and identifying other leitmotifs and variations of them were great to hear.

The acting all around was excellent for a Star Wars movie. Daisy Ridley as Rey is as great as she’s ever been, and the same goes to Adam Driver as Kylo Ren. All the side characters and comic relief did a good job as well. The banter between Finn, Poe, and C-3PO was a treat as well. Tony Daniels continues to be one of my favorite actors in all of Star Wars for conveying as much personality as he does without facial expressions and very limited movement. McDiarmid as Necro Palpatine gets very little screen time, but he’s hamming it up as the evil Emperor he’s always been, and I loved every second of it. I also deeply appreciate that the movie seemed to rely on puppets again, and one of the stand out side characters was a tiny engineer named Babu Frik (Shirley Henderson) who should have had more time in the movie.

The only “yikes” moment I felt was any time we saw Leia. It’s such a tragedy that Carrie Fisher passed away so unexpectedly, and least of all not able to finish this Star Wars trilogy. I listened to her audiobook The Princess Diarist and she seemed so excited, yet nervous, to be yet again the role that made her famous, and to complete episodes 7, 8, and 9. Her face seems to be animated on a stand-in actress, and her only lines were from old footage that was never used in Episode VII or VIII. This means Leia has very little to say in this movie, and probably had a lot less to do in the plot than she deserved to. The CGI simply wasn’t convincing for me and is the only aspect of the movie that put a lump in my throat for all the wrong reasons. On the flip side, Han Solo’s cameo was a terrific scene that also had me teary-eyed. It was a great call back to The Force Awakens, and served a purpose for Kylo Ren’s character. Harrison Ford did a perfect job, and it was just the sort of scene I didn’t know I wanted.

While much The Rise of Skywalker feels hastily cobbled together, and relies on way too many conveniences for the plot to keep moving, I found it to be a very satisfying time. You know that feeling when you’re extremely tired and almost feel drunk, and everything seems hilarious and flippant? That’s how I felt during this entire thing. I could see ridiculous script elements that either contradict or ruin lore left and right, but I think something inside me was just so happy to finally get this trilogy over with. I let the fan service envelop me even if it didn’t make sense or feel justified. Yes Rey is still a Mary Sue, yes we still got an underwhelming lightsaber duel (that she wins), yes there are too many characters, yes the plot and details can be nonsensical, yes this movie needed way more time to bake in the oven. But unlike a Jedi’s weapon, this movie may not be elegant, but it is a cathartic and satisfying experience, which is all I every hoped it would be. Now can we all take a breath and move on?

6/10

Ed for character ask, if you want! Have a nice day ❤️

If I want? If I want??? If I want?!?!?! OF COURSE I WANT TO. Ed ruined my life in the best possible way and I will ramble about him forever. LET’S. DO. THIS. 

How I feel about this character:

Obviously, you guys know that Edward Elric is not only my favorite character in the fma universe, but probably my favorite character in general. He’s excellently written, deeply representative of the nature of humanity, and endures beautifully subtle development over the course of his story. I’ve done several character analyses of Ed, but I tend to ramble. Here, I really want to take my time, and talk about specific aspects of his character I think are the most worthy of note. This might get l o n g, so grab some snacks and settle in. Let’s talk about the Fullmetal Alchemist!

One of most defining and well-written characteristics of Ed is his tragic backstory. The consequences of attempting to revive their mother follow Ed and Al years after it occurs, and forms one the main backbone of their story. While the immediate aftermath tends to define a large part of Ed���s personality in the beginning, what makes him so fascinating is that he eventually learns that using his personal tragedies as an excuse for his shortcomings with get him nowhere. Instead, he learns to use his suffering as a springboard to make sure no one else ever has to feel the way he and his brother did. The awful things that happen to Nina are a major setback, but instead of collapsing further in on himself, Ed, mostly thanks to Al, realizes that not only is it ok to start by trying to save himself, but with that effort, he can become stronger, and by extension, do more to help others. So, instead of using tragedy as an excuse for his weaknesses, Ed faces them to make himself stronger, and throughout his journey, use them as markers of his progress, or as checks to his humility. 

Ed is also incredibly well-written to reflect his age. Sure, your average twelve-year-old is not an alchemic prodigy serving in the military, but I’m talking about how Ed reacts to his circumstances as a boy who’s just trying to piece he and his brother’s lives back together. Ed can play up the adult facade as much as he wants, but Arakawa also wrote him to be what he is; a kid. In the early stages of his story, Ed reacts to many inconveniences with fits of frustration, triumphs with unabashed cockiness, and authority or criticism with an upturned nose. Most of these immature reactions lessen or die out as his story progresses, as it does when someone starts to grow up. I can say that after living with a younger brother at ages 12, 13, 14, etc., Arakawa did a spectacular job of not only capturing those years with deadly accuracy, but applying them to an extraordinary individual like Ed in a way that felt effortless. While on a quest that eventually would determine the fate of the world as they knew it, he also gets nervous over a crush, and deals with the ups and downs of teenage friendships. (I mean, 99.9% of people’s best friends in high school don’t give up control of their body to an immortal being but there’s a metaphor I’m getting at here.) 

Another super interesting aspect of Ed’s character is his guilt complex. For someone who so acts his age, he still takes on blame for many things that legitimately weren’t his fault. He blames himself for the loss of Al’s body, though there was no way he could’ve know what Truth would’ve taken from him, or that Truth would’ve intervened at all. He chastises himself for not being useful in dire situations when Winry stepped up to deliver Dominic’s grandchild in Rush Valley. It wasn’t his area of expertise, while Winry, he acknowledges, grew up with doctors for parents and reading medical textbooks. He feels helpless, but how could he know he would find himself in such a situation? He even holds himself responsible as a culprit in Hughes’ death for getting him involved in their research of philosophers’ stones. What Hughes discovered about the nationwide transmutation circle was, ultimately, his own doing. In addition, besides blaming himself for the loss of Al’s body, a guilt that Ed carries to the end of his story was his inability to save Nina. Just because he was the first person to put all the pieces together, he thought that if he realized Shou Tucker’s true intentions that much sooner, she would still be alive. Yet, realistically, no one else had figured it out either. He was just in the wrong place at the right(?) time. Yet, all of this being said, the moments during which Ed overcomes some of his guilt are some of the most powerful in the entire story. (Learning that Al didn’t blame him for the loss of his body is a prime example.)

As I’ve mentioned in other recent character analyses, a complex personality is key to a strong and likable character, and my god, does Ed have one. Ed has many traits that make him just fascinating to watch. While his early cynicism of humanity fades away, he remains cocky, stubborn, abrasive, short-tempered, sarcastic, occasionally hostile to figures of authority, and not one above stroking his own ego. Yet, a lot of those aspects of his personality veer towards superficial. He views every human life (in all forms) as sacred, and something he is painfully reluctantly to use to further his own goals. To those who earn his respect, he is endlessly loyal, selfless, and fights for those who can’t fight for themselves. His personality also takes on a different tint (like a real person) when he interacts with different people. He fights to see the Ling within Greed, but ultimately respects Greed as a member of his team. He’s in awe, yet honest with Riza. He’s sarcastic with Roy, but when in danger, is his greatest ally. He’s level-headed, firm, and forgiving with Al. He’s uniquely gentle and compassionate to Winry. In short, he’s beautifully and painfully human. 

Finally, Ed is an excellent foil to the character of Father. While the latter tried to make himself a perfect being by ridding himself of humanity’s seven deadly sins (an idea I remember someone, though I can’t remember who, likening his goal to the idea of Nietzsche’s “Übermensch,” which is basically a form of superior man who could rise above traditional Christian values to impose his own. That sounds pretty accurate to me, but I’m no expert in this corner of philosophy.), Ed actively embraced all of his flaws, guilt, and well, sins, to ultimately become a more compassionate individual who is able to ultimately triumph over evil. (As a side note, Greed’s aid in this final battle really adds extra emphasis to his earlier explanation to Ed that “everyone wants something they cannot have.” The fact that Greed sacrifices himself in this moment to assure Father’s defeat proves that point several times over, which just makes those final sequences of the battle that much cooler [and heartbreaking]). The fact that Ed, who is riddled with what Father considers the ultimate faults of humanity, still overcomes him, proves that the rejection of own’s own humanity is a greater evil than the sum of it’s parts. As a huge characterization nerd, that’s pretty freaking cool. 

All the people I ship romantically with this character:

Edwin is easily one of my top five OTPs, and I honestly don’t see shipping Ed with anyone else. Like Roy and Riza, Ed and Winry’s relationship is built on years of trust, respect, friendship, and tragedy. While they sometimes struggle with communicating their feelings, whether its about each other or the circumstances they’re facing, they always manage to get their feelings across when the moment demands it. It seems that their respective obsessions confuse or annoy each other, yet, they each possess huge admiration for the other’s accomplishments and passions. They understand the harsh burden of losing their parents, and Winry never judges Ed for attempting to revive his mother, likely because she had the same kind of longing. In addition, each of them are deeply concerned for the safety of the other, with Ed especially going to great lengths to ensure Winry is unaffected with his involvement in the military. Sadness of one pains the other, and they’re both hellbent on making sure the other is, in the end, happy. Talk about the makings of a great relationship! Also, at the most basic level, they’re SO DAMN ADORABLE.

My non-romantic OTP for this character: 

I have to go with Al here. (Also apparently this got too long to add more gifs so rip to that idea…) These two have been through so much together, balance the weight of their varying personalities, and as a result, are the ultimate allies. Besides the deep care these brothers share, the most interesting aspect about them is how their personalities contrast and support one another. Ed is typically hot-headed and impulsive. Al is calmer and leans more towards logic. Ed has a big ego and is sarcastic. While Al has his moments, he’s unflinchingly kindhearted. However, their mutual passion for alchemy, humanity, and completing their quest are unmatched. The story is about brotherhood, and these two are the ultimate protagonists. Al’s superior battle sense, levelheadedness, and gentle personality are the perfect balance to Ed. He brings him back down to earth, yet encourages him to race to the ends of it. They joke and argue, but you know they would sacrifice everything for the other. 

My unpopular opinion about this character:

*sigh* The Ed being really short joke did eventually get old… 

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon:

As is the case with many fma characters in my book, I want to see more! Knowing Ed, there’s no way this kid would peak at 18. I want to see his adventures after the promised day. I want to see him with Winry and his kids, being a great father, but I also want to see him traveling, discovering, and maybe getting himself into a bit of trouble here and there! At the end of years of struggling and hardship, I want to see the next crazy step in his journey. There’s no way he’d sit still for long. The sky’s barely the limit for Ed, and i want to see how far he flies. 

Send me a character, if you dare. 

Um idk how to do this but can i get Imani meeting one of the canon pastas of your choice? Idk how this works sorry you can delete this if you want 😅

It was a colder night, which made it the best time for this. It was starting to become winter as the leaves changed and fell off the trees. It was 3 am, one of the peak witching hours for those who pay attention to those kinds of thing. And right now, a person stood on the bridge edge looking down at a rushing river below them.

Puppet has been working on this sucker for weeks, almost a month actually. Poor son of a bitch was a college dropout. They had dreams to try and be a nurse, but cracked under the pressure and couldn't recover. They turned to drink, making minimum wage flipping burgers. They unable to keep themselves and their addiction afloat for long, and sunk deeper into depression.

"If you jump, no one will suffer knowing you anymore." Puppet whispered into their ear. He made it seem as if it was their own thoughts.  He continued, "It will all be over in an instant. You won't feel a thing."

Little did they know that they weren't alone on the bridge. A tall woman walked towards them, her heels clicking in rhythmically. One, two, three, pause. One, two, three, pause. No more, no less. She didn't want to anger herself, not tonight. She approached them, her black mask glinting with the light from the moon overhead. Now, Imani wasn't any psychic like her younger sister. She's known for being aloof to the emotions of those she didn't know, but even she could sense their depression and apathy. She pauses next to them, her long tight coiled hair being rustled by the breeze. She ran her long red painted nails over the railing separating her from their own demise. 

"Don't do it." Their head whipped towards her and they opened their mouth, intending to speak. Imani lifted her hand up shushing them and the authority that poured out of her. Stopping them from speaking along with her accented voice was a hidden talent.

"I've been there. And as you fall your survival instincts will set in and the last thing you think other than the pain will be about how you regret jumping. And that's assuming you don't survive. Either outcome of jumping is bad." She moved so that her back was to the bubbling river and the scarred flesh of her back rested against the railing. A crop top and short skirt weren't exactly appropriate for the weather, but she was on a mission. Being honest with herself about this, if she couldn't talk to this person from killing themselves she could always slit their throat. Then she could carry on her way. She did have a reputation and a kill streak to maintain after all. Not even her momentary streak of empathy could stop that.

Puppet saw this woman move over to his prey. He wasn't exactly happy that someone decided to come out in the middle of the night here. Always with the people who want to save others. Why the fuck did it matter if one person died? They had no friends, no family, no one to speak of. And yet everything seemed as if it was slipping from his grasp.

"She is lying. A stranger. How can a stranger know what you feel like?" Puppet urged to his prey. This was the meal he has been working on for so long. He was hungry, and this person was his next ticket. Imani fiddled with her hands, assessing how her nails looked awful as she spoke once more. Vanity was her sin after all. 

"One of my friends when I was, what, seventeen? Yeah, seventeen I do believe, killed herself on this very bridge. Her brother had died in a drive-by two weeks earlier. Death inspires death, dear. Somewhere someone will be gravely impacted by your death, as it is the way of this universe we live in." With every word that fell from Imani's silver tongue, the person became less determined to die. The woman seemed to deflect everything the voice in their head. She even said with a weird nonchalance tainting her words. Like she had done this before. Little could they see, during this conversation Imani had gotten in position to get the small throwing knife pressed against her hip. It is hidden by her favorite skirt. Much like the Puppeteer, Imani had a hunger. But hers was to feel the sensation of warm blood coating her hands. Her empathy was running out in sync with this person's time left on this earth.

Puppet floated around the two individuals, seeing what this new woman had to offer to him. He studied her, watching her, knowing that she couldn't see him. Perks of being a ghost, and he loved it. He couldn't see what she was planning, but he noticed a small change in her stature. Her posture changed. What could it be?

"Attack her! She is going to kill you! You were already planning on it, so go down with a fight!" he sends into the person's mind. The person looked between her and the bridge, then charged her. It didn't matter how the person died, so long it was the suicide of some form he got his meal.

Imani's eye widened as the person charged at her, and a look of boredom graced her features under her mask. Her reaction was swift and uncanny. She may be a sniper but under her finery and skin dipped in silk she was a weapon; a woman sculpted out of pure muscle. She lifted them up by their jugular, grinning under her mask as she watched them grab at her hands in desperation, choking as she slowly crushed their windpipe with her ever-tightening grip of death. She pressed them up against the railing, her pupil dilating in manic excitement. Her brows borrowed as she felt the person lean all their weight backward, forcing Imani to let go and they toppled over the railing. She watched them fall into the churning dark river below them. Imani cocked an eyebrow, looking down in indifference as she ran her nails over the rail rhythmically and she spoke a single word as she reviewed the scene in her mind. 

"Tragedy."

Puppet looked this and started to clap while he was invisible, watching the person fall over the side of the bridge. Upon their end he could feel their energy flow into him, their life force giving him life. It did feed his hunger, the kind he needed for a long time trying to get this person to finish off. He moved behind Imani and floated down to stand behind her, his body starting to solidify. "Hardly a tragedy. Their death gives me life." He says, dusting his hands along his sides. He then continues, "Thanks for the help with that then."She flinched away from him, whirling around to face him. Nobody could be behind her. Not again. She took a deep breath when she saw the man's glowing eyes and inhuman appearance. Her eye roamed his form, and her gaze cast a thousand little judgmental needles upon him. 

"... You're welcome?" She crossed her arms over her chest, she was defensive and suspicious and a thousand different thoughts clouded her mind, trying to figure out what he was planning. This... Whatever being had appeared behind her with no warning whatsoever, she wasn't about to be friendly. 

"Who are you?"

Puppet smiled and extended his arms, putting one over his heart and gives an impressive bow. Almost as if he was stage acting doing his final bow to the audience. When he stood back up, he puts his hands into the pockets of his jacket and leaned on his back leg more. Almost as if any sudden movements happen, he would be ready.

"I myself? I am The Puppeteer, the one and only. Now might I ask who are you? The look in your eye when you were going to crush the life out of that man was marvelous. So you, of course, are no longer a normal human. You are different, in a special way. And I like it."

Her narcissism whispered in her ear, telling her that she liked him and that he was a friend while her anxiety and paranoia told her that he was a foe. She shook all thoughts out of her head, looking at this from a logical standpoint. He did not seem to be intent on attacking her, and she was sure that if he was he would have already done it. And if he tried anything she determined that she would slit his throat. If she could. She wasn't sure about that. Either way, he didn't seem like a threat to her. She gave a small curtsy, a smile on her face behind her mask. 

"I'm Imani. And I'm glad that you like me because I'm sure if you wanted you could kill me."  She turned away from him, her heels clicking rhythmically as she walked away from him. One, two, three and then pause. One, two three and then pause. No more, no less. She looked over her shoulder and called out to him as she walked to her destination. 

"I hope to see you again, and  next time it will not be cold or on a bridge with a new corpse swimming in the river." With that, the woman headed to go slit a businessman's throat and feed the growing hunger inside of her."I bid you adieu my fair lady! Enjoy yourself!" With that Puppet went back to being a ghost, unseen and unheard by the masses. Into the forest, he goes, deeper and deeper to find his way back to the Domain.

(What wears on them the most, the memory that plays on each of them so heavily? What does it do to them, how does it affect all their decisions and choices as they advance in life? Also, what part of the zoo is their favorite?)

[ @hyugainterior ]

     [ Oooh, a good question! All the muses I play have rather heavy memories, though for some, picking just one might be hard…we’ll go under a cut because something tells me this’ll get long! We’ll keep to each of their default verses, as things change from verse to verse. ]

     Ryū, of course, gets to go first. Like many of her generation, she lost family to the Third Shinobi war…along with the rest of her village, as part of a raid by Iwa toward the tail end of the conflict. One last hurrah by Tsuchi, if you will. Hers had been a civilian village, save for she and her mother, whose line were all traditionally medics. Shinobi weren’t exactly a common sight for them, and thus Ryū’s first impression of them was rather…unfavorable.

     Losing a parent is always hard. Even more so when you’re taken from home and shipped off to a completely different village, with different people, different way of life, and different expectations. Though it’s not addressed specifically in canon (that I can recall), I’ve always gone off the assumption that children with kekkei genkai would be declared “unfit” for adoption to keep clan secrets from being leaked into families or clans they’re not a part of. Ryū, as the last of hers, was thus treated much like other “one of a kind” children like Naruto and Sasuke, and rather than being adopted, was made a ward of the village. Little was known about her line by most (sans two of the sannin, in a few headcanons of mine), so what little Konoha knew of her was that she had potential to be useful as a healer if given the proper training.

     Ryū could have gone, I think, in two different directions after being brought to Konoha. She could have bowed to their whims and become a healer as her line was wont, and simply do as she’s asked, never questioning the village aloud, but always having doubts in the back of her mind due to her treatment. Or, she could have let that treatment build up into hatred for those that took her from home and groomed her into a useful tool.

     In her canon, she sticks with the former. All she really cares about is being useful, and following her family’s traditions, even if it’s in a place like Konoha. She can’t very well go home and still be a medic, as a ruined village doesn’t have many residents to heal. But, I have plans to make a verse based on that second option…someday. I’m horrible with getting things done.

     As for a zoo (which…does the Naruto world have a zoo? Besides that one strange circus-like place in one of the early movies?), I think she’d enjoy the arctic exhibit. Her home has ties to snowy mountains and she herself summons a snowy owl, so it would in part remind her of home. And snowy, barren climates are peaceful to her, for…whatever reason.

     Next we’ll go with Itachi. A rather divisive character, from what I’ve seen during my time on Tumblr. One that, admittedly, I hated at first when he was written as nothing more than a jerk who killed his family on a whim, and thus corrupted another character (who I also disliked at first, but…we’ll get to him later).

     But then, for whatever reason (I refuse to believe Kishi had much planning-ahead skill (see the Kaguya thin-air-pull for reference)), Itachi was given an exceedingly complex reason for his actions. Rather than just being a jerk, suddenly he was a martyr, attempting to stop a civil war and possibly global conflict, all at the ripe old age of twelve. His best friend committed suicide (supposedly, in mine’s case), his family was turning against him, a powerful underground power was putting pressure on him to deliver, and he was left with an unthinkable burden, of which he couldn’t tell a soul without risking everything he was trying to prevent.

     Suddenly he wasn’t just a jerk anymore: he was complex, tragic, and self-sacrificing…all while still extremely flawed. I was hooked. I’ve written him in RP for almost seven years now, on and off, and he’s by far one of my favorites for just that reason. Some people hate him, some people love him, and they all have legitimate reasons why that I love to explore.

     For my Itachi, his burden was, at first, something he shouldered willingly, and without regret. After all, he had no choice! Too many lives were on the other side of the scale from his clan. Purely from a numbers perspective, taking out the Uchiha was more logical than allowing civil, and then possibly global, war. Not for the boy who, despite being a loving, kind, and pacifistic soul, had to endure the horrors of war at so young an age. He couldn’t let that happen again, if he had the chance to undo it.

     Over the years, however, this burden begins to wear on him. Seeing Sasuke again - seeing the damage he’d done to his brother - rattled him. Not enough to make him fully rescind his actions as necessary, but enough to question them…but to what end? You can’t undo the past. Then upon his death and subsequent resurrection (amid several revelations of what he left behind beyond his brother, in ALAS), Itachi realized that everything he’d done was partially out of ego. He’d not trusted his brother, his family, his best friend, more than he’d trusted his own “superior” intellect. His proclamation as genius had left him blinded to the notion that anyone else could possibly think of, or carry out, a better solution for the Uchiha’s planned coup. And in the end, it cost far more than he’d ever imagined.

     Now in ALAS, he’s revived and given second life (nearly at the cost of another) in order to rectify his mistakes, rather than his brother simply swallowing genocide and going silent. So there’s a major difference there between canon!Itachi and mine. But during that second chance, he has to live with the guilt and the self-hatred of what he did, and it molds his character significantly. For example, upon Shisui’s return from his hiding (we’ll get to that later, too), Itachi just…loses it. There’s a huge (one-sided) screaming match, and he refuses to speak to anyone for days. Because if he had known that Shisui was alive? They might have stopped the coup. The Uchiha might have lived. And he might have avoided the single greatest mistake of his life, that will haunt him until the end of it.

     As for a zoo exhibit, probably the raptors, if they have one. Not quite the same as his favorite corvids, but I think he enjoys birds overall.

     Next, our dear boy Sasuke. Another extremely hot-or-cold character in this fandom, and one I admittedly couldn’t stand at first. But like his brother, he too turned out to be far more than he first seemed: that being a bratty, sob-story, one-dimensional foil to our protagonist.

     Sasuke’s entire life is politicized. As a child, he’s part of a clan that (unbeknownst to him) is in political turmoil. Stigmatized, cut off from most of the village…and it only gets worse after the Kyūbi’s release by Obito, and the blame the Uchiha encounter after that. Which means he grew up never knowing a village that wasn’t suspicious of his family. 

     Like most clans, the Uchiha still have a hierarchy, and still prioritize strength overall. Like Hinata and her struggles with her father, Sasuke was largely abandoned by his until Itachi’s actions ousted him as heir, and Sasuke took the spotlight…which Sasuke seemed to realize. For a clan that’s all about love, so too are the Uchiha about power. Sasuke isn’t a fool: he knows he’s the backup. 

     And then he loses…literally everything. His family, his home, his brother…which was his most important bond. In a blink, he’s the last of his kind that hasn’t, apparently, lost their mind to a lust for power. And he still doesn’t realize the way the village views him, replaced instead by their whispers about his tragedy. He becomes little more than a relic and a subject for gossip, even by his peers. So? He shuts them all out. Gives himself a goal that he feels will best honor all he lost.

     Rather than respect his determination to avenge such a loss, his “friends” insist on dragging him back to a place filled with nothing but bad memories…which only get worse after Obito gives him all of the context behind the massacre. And even once his “friends” know what Konoha did to him…they still ignore his thirst for justice (at that point, I refuse to call it revenge. The Uchiha massacre was something that needed justice), and in no way address the fact that Konoha killed the Uchiha…Itachi was just the weapon. In the end, they beat him into submission, and he’s forced back…in canon.

     In ALAS, the massacre is addressed, brought to light…which brings them even more trouble. Sasuke struggles to accept a village and people that benefited from genocide, but in the end forges his own path to reconnecting with it, and ensuring such things never happen again. 

     His favorite spot in the zoo would probably be…either raptors, or reptiles. Most likely the latter, because I think he relates a lot to them, and not just because of Orochimaru.

     Hinata. One I’ll admit I’m nervous to talk about, given that yours and mine are so different, but I guess that’s the point!

     Hinata’s main struggle is, of course, with her family. Unlike Sasuke, who at least had his mother and brother for a time…Hinata eventually lost all of her “allies”. There’s no canon information about her mother. Her father has nothing but disdain for her. While the anime expanded slightly on her early bond with Hanabi, that’s not present in the manga: they’re shown only as rats in a cage vying for a position dangled over their heads. Neji hates her out of principle due to a barbaric practice put into place by her family. Hinata is left with no one to turn to…until she starts at the Academy.

     There she finds inspiration in Naruto: someone who embodies a kind of confidence…though largely, I think, fake at first. Developed out of rebellion if nothing else, rather than actually believing in himself. But she starts to strive for that. To become someone that others will recognize.

     She makes further progress when joining a team, but it’s clear she still struggles. A past like hers isn’t so easy to move on from: it left lasting impressions in her mannerisms, her speech patterns, and her confidence in herself as a shinobi.

     Her growth is largely handled off-screen. We find she’s developed her own jutsu, but it’s not shown. Nor is her leap in self-assurance. She risks her life for the boy she believes she loves, only to be given no resolution to her confession. It’s completely disregarded by canon and Naruto. In the war, she’s given a few key moments, but is still overshadowed by others. And her main relationships are then patched over post-699. Suddenly she’s married to Naruto. Her relationship with her father is supposedly fixed, as with her sister. There’s nothing about her clan abolishing the Caged Bird seal…nothing. All of her problems are seemingly smoothed over, again off screen (unless you count the movie that attempted to patch the holes…but was largely inefficient, imo).

     ALAS touches on the Caged Bird seal, what with Neji being a practice revival and returned favor from Ryū to Hinata. The practice is abolished, but can’t be reversed on those already branded. She does not retake her position as heiress, but instead focuses on helping guide her sister alongside Neji to better their clan. She no longer works on her progress for anyone but herself.

     Hinata loves the penguins at the zoo. They’re cute, good swimmers, and adorably clumsy. They remind her of herself, in some ways.

     Shisui…oh Shisui. Yet another character reduced to a convenient plot device. It must be why he and Mey’s Rin get along so well!

     Shisui, as beloved as he is (surprising, given his extremely short amount of screen time in the manga (and doctoring up in the anime)), is a character we know practically nothing about beyond his being Itachi’s best friend. No information about his parents, any siblings, or any bonds at all beyond that with his cousin(s). His mother ended up being one I made a muse for: Uchiha Manami, elder sister to Mikoto and guardian of Ryū in the ALAS verse when friends and I collaborated the storyline together…though she was taken after the Kyūbi incident citing those new “bloodline adoption” laws Konoha so conveniently began to enforce.

     But otherwise, Shisui was largely left as a rather blank slate beyond being used to further Itachi’s narrative and angst. Something I, as a narrative creator, took ahold of with my greedy hands. In canon, he has his fair share of horror. His attempts to bring peace foiled by a man determined to undermine him for his own goals: that being totalitarian-style “peace”…and hoarding Uchiha eyes. One of which he’d already stolen (supposedly) from his teammate, Kagami, and then another from Shisui. Assuming he was going to die, Shisui used that opportunity to help Itachi in the last few ways he could: to give him intel about Danzō, gift him another Sharingan, and help awaken Itachi’s Mangekyō by bringing the pain of his death.

     …but I found that solution extremely lackluster. So I changed it. As I’m wont to do.

     Given the ages Itachi and Sasuke were, supposedly, during the massacre, it happened sometime between Itachi’s thirteenth birthday (June ninth) and Sasuke’s eighth (July twenty-third). This means it was likely during the height of Summer, when rivers are often slow, and low in water levels. Something I’m sure Shisui would realize, so why leave his body’s fate to chance in a shallow river so close to Konoha, and thus his newest enemy?

     Why, because he didn’t plan on dying there. If Itachi had any inkling Shisui would live, he would have done something about it, and missed out on his power upgrade. Shisui fakes his death to fool even his best friend, so that no one is left knowing he’s alive, and in a position to hopefully better dispose of himself. Staying meant exposing Danzō, and possibly igniting war anyway.

     But ensuring your death is both clean and hidden while completely blind and suffering from blood loss? Not exactly easy. So instead he took to hiding…and ended up doing so for ten years. Which, as mentioned in Itachi’s piece, ended up with some rather mixed reactions when - after the massacre is revealed, and his life no longer means outing must-be-kept secrets - Shisui makes his way back to Konoha. And like Itachi, he too lives with a guilt about his actions and the subsequent consequences regarding his clan, the village, and Sasuke.

     Shisui’s favorite zoo exhibit…I could say bats, which he learns sensory skills from during his time in hiding in ALAS, but my first thought was actually bears. Any kind of bear. Because they’re big and look cuddly, but can rip your head off. Which reminds him of himself, in a few ways. But maybe slightly less likely to rip off any heads.

     WELP, that’s over 2500 words of bullhonkey. If anyone actually reads all this, I will be amazed. I almost had an existential crisis when Tumblr reloaded on me while doing Shisui’s part…that’s why you always save drafts often, kids. You never know when you’ll lose what you’ve written!

Devastated.

Wow, I've written more personal stuff on this site in two days than I have in 7.5 years.

I feel like I need to get this out because I don't want to carry this around forever and I also don't want it to be apparent to my family, friends, and coworkers how absolutely messed up I am by a fictional TV show. This is a haul so read at your own risk.

I started watching The Closer in 2007, so this is my 10 year anniversary with this franchise. I inhaled it the summer before I went away to college and continued to hang on tight to it as I grew up, got a degree, graduated, got a Master's, and started working as a full-blown professional. The Closer, and then Major Crimes, was safe. It was home. Brenda was and will always be my "person" in this series, but Sharon was a close second. Sharon was what Brenda wasn't and if I had to pick, I hope to blend the best of both in my personal and professional lives. These women defined strong women on television. They gave young college students and young professionals like me something to believe in. 

As I went on to work in the field of victims services, I applauded Major Crimes for how they told stories about sexual abuse and rape. As much as his storylines sometimes annoyed me, I loved everything Rusty Beck stood for. If the kids I work with are able to overcome adversity half as well as Rusty, it would be a success. Rusty is the outcome I pray for for my kids. Sharon was the foster parent I pray for for my kids. To see it on screen was beautiful and heartbreaking...and that kept me hooked and committed week in and week out. Plus Sharon and Andy? Love after heartbreak? Finding that kind of love in your later years? God what a message. How does that NOT give you hope?

I always knew that losing this show would be hard. I also knew instinctively that it would mark the major shift in my life between kid and adult, no matter how many years I have logged in my career, degrees on my wall, numbers in my bank account, or capabilities I had to handle my own life. This was truly going to be the moment of leaving something that I started in my late teens - as I was transitioning into the adult world- behind. I just didn't expect that losing it would come at the cost of losing a character that I love, adore, and admire. 

My job is not easy. My life is not easy. No one's is. That's why I watch television and movies. That's why we ALL watch television and movies - to be entertained and to escape, for a little while, to a better world. Fiction doesn't have to mean sunshine and rainbows, but I also don't appreciate when it causes unnecessary angst. That's not what I came here for. I remember when The Mentalist ended in 2015. They were given a surprise final season and made no secret about how the final season was about "giving the fans what they want." They did justice to the characters and the stories while ultimately leaving everyone happy. They could have orchestrated a huge, dramatic, emotional final mess in which people died and Jane continued to suffer, but they didn't. They chose the fans. They chose the characters. They gave them the happy endings we long for in real life, but don't always get.

I've spent time reading the interviews from Mary and James about the decision to kill Sharon off. "It's a metaphor for the end of the show." "It was a way to release Mary from the show so she could pursue other work because we were inevitably getting cancelled." "It was a powerful moment." "I supported this." It goes on and on with the justification. For me, there is no justification for this and for what the viewers were put through. This was senseless, needless tragedy, and a rare tragedy at that, as in "most people die with cardiomyopathy, not from it". I'd even go as far as to say a "manufactured" tragedy...we've all discussed how Sharon basically set up her own demise and chose her own destiny, resulting in her loved ones losing her sooner than was necessary and not having any time to process or say goodbye. That is not the selfless, family-centered, faithful woman I know from this series. The choices that Sharon made do her character and the entire series a complete disservice. Not to mention it put loyal fans who devoted themselves to this show for years and years through absolute hell.

I wanted to be able to look back on this franchise fondly. I wanted to be able to say...this show meant so much to me and guided me through some of the toughest transitions and hardest moments of my life. I wanted to be able to say...this show is over, just as my childhood and "baby adult" years are, but it's a part of me. It made me who I am. But I struggle to say that now. I struggle because I don't want to remember the pain that I now associate with this show after the last 24 hours. I slept for 3 hours last night. I have been nauseous since I woke up this morning. My anxiety, never stellar to start with, is off the charts. I look like a raccoon on acid. This show used to build me up and make me feel like I could own the world and kick ass and overcome adversity. Now it's just reinforcing the  depressingly real world idea that all good things can be taken away and terrible things can happen to good people. That a kid who finally gained a good mother could lose her when he's barely an adult. That a man who literally waited his whole life for a love like theirs could lose his wife within weeks of their wedding. That her other kids never had a chance to say goodbye and process how dire the situation with their mom actually was. That a room full of people could watch a loved one literally up and die in front of them and not be able to save her. Don't get me wrong...I KNOW this shit happens every day. I work with this shit every day. I specialize in trauma, for Christ's sake. I didn't need to see it dramatized on my television with people that I've literally spent ten years watching each week.

I cannot fathom why someone would choose this path to walk knowing that this was likely the final season of the show. Most of us LIKE open-ended finales even if there's no chance of anyone renewing the series or carrying it to another platform. It lives on in our hearts. In our headcanon. In our fanfiction. In our memories. We can think back and believe that there was a happy ending, a long life, a sense of contentment. You don't need to kill off our beloved main character to reinforce the idea that "the show is dead" and that "it's never coming back to life." We get it. But couldn't it have lived on for us, for your loyal fans? It's like, not only did my favorite show end, but every good feeling, daydream, storyline, or wish I'd have for those characters and that world is dead, too. This is the whole TLJ "Let the past die, kill it if you have to" thinking on an entirely insane fucking level. I am not here for this. I did not spend 10 years here for this.

I'm really struggling right now. It's five days before Christmas and life should be grand, but I feel like a part of me has died. I feel like I'm grieving something I can't put into words with the people who are physically in my life because it's going to sound insane. I get that writers want their audiences to feel something, but literally all I feel is dead inside and that nothing in these next four episodes will ever make this better. I feel like I spent ten years on something I considered precious only to have it smashed before my eyes. My memories are tainted. My heart is so heavy. This show broke me in the worst possible way with no conceivable benefit. There is nothing about Sharon Raydor's death that added to this series and nothing that can happen in the final episodes that will fix this or make me feel better about this.  All it did was remind me, once again, though off the clock this time, that the world is often shitty, good people can suffer terrible fates, and love does not conquer all. This is the legacy that was left for us. This is what I got out of the TV show that I had used to keep my faith when sometimes my own world was dark. 

I didn’t need this final season to be fluffy bullshit with all kisses and no strife, but I needed this final season to be the light in darkness. I needed this final season to help me feel ready to move on. I needed this season to emphasize that these characters matter, that the fans matter, that the last 13 years of this franchise matter. I needed this final season to prove that good can triumph, love can move mountains, and that even those who struggle can have a bright future ahead. 

I think that’s all I can say without repeating myself further. Now, we have to take of ourselves and each other as we all struggle through this. There’s no way to make sense of this. You can’t make sense of insanity or find logic in grief and tragedy. But putting this out there helped me a little bit, so if you took time to read this, thank you. That’s all for now.