My first try at creating a Joker out bobbin lace pattern 👀

Snatched away~ Yandere!Akaza X GN!Kidnapped!Reader

A/N: This is my first time writing a Tumblr post! I already have been writing a Yandere!Demon Slayer x Reader book on Tumblr, but I've never tried writing a one-time imagine. I tried sending this request to some of my favorite writers, but since they haven't been answered, I thought I would write it myself :> For those interested, my book name is Make You Mine (Yandere!Demon Slayer X Fem!Reader).

Warnings: Kidnapping, injuries, teasing

"What the hell do you want?" You shouted at the basketball who had been pestering you for the last 40 minutes.

It had been two days since you were kidnapped by none other than the Upper Moon Three, for reasons unknown. Ever since he had first seen you, he had grown obsessed with having fights with you: a member of the Demon Slayer Corps. The last time he had a fight with you, you had already been injured after returning from a solo mission. After fighting with him, your injuries only increased. He insisted on you coming to his house, and since you refused, he knocked you out and brought you there anyway.

Who could stop the mighty Upper Three?

You definitely weren't skilled enough to do that. The maximum you could do is keep up a 10-minute fight without getting overly exhausted.

"Aw, come on. Are you too scared to train with me?" the demon whined. You thought it was a nuisance. "I'll consider if you tell me why I'm here." "Because you're cute. Isn't that reason enough?" he said, knowing it would trigger you. You threw a pillow at him from your bed. "Ouch. Not elegant."

It had felt like Akaza had been following you before he'd kidnapped you. You would meet him once or twice a week at a minimum, "accidentally". Or so he said.

"My, your concussion still hasn't healed," he leaned closer and held your chin to check if the bandaid needed to be changed. "Maybe you should rest. I guess we could train tomorrow." "Please die," you muttered after pushing him away.

The only thing keeping you away from escaping during the day when Akaza wasn't here was the locked doors and windows.

The windows had literal metal bars on them and a metal door stood at the entrance.

Why would a demon need such security in his home? How annoying.

At least he looked good.

"Aw, are you angry? How cute," he mocked. "Nope, I'm having the time of my life," you replied sarcastically.

"If you're getting bored, I could take you out." Akaza leaned against a door. "In a fight, right?"

He didn't reply.

"In a fight, right?" you repeated.

Here you were, snatched away at night, forced to come out of the house to touch some grass after 2 days.

"The moon is beautiful today, isn't it?" Akaza said, smiling. "No," you groaned. "Why are we even here?" "It's a blue moon today. I thought I'd show you."

He had brought you to a field lush with grass glimmering in the blue moonlight near a lake. You sighed. There was no chance of escaping if you were with the Upper Moon Three, so you might as well enjoy it.

"Jeez, what a pain. Whatever, I'm fine being here." "You're one tsundere, aren't you?" "A tsun- what?" "Never mind."

You sat down on the grass in the chill autumn air as the wind rustled in the leaves. Akaza sat down beside you. "The fireworks are starting soon," he said. "There are fireworks?"

"Of course there are. Did you forget that the fireworks festival is today?" "Oh. I guess I did," you pouted. "A blue moon and fireworks. It's a pretty coincidence." "So you agree that you like being here?" "No."

It was Akaza's turn to sigh now. "As I said, what a tsundere," he whispered to himself. "I heard that."

Just then, a golden-pink firework exploded in the sky. Another two green ones followed. "It's begun," you said. "Yep. Finally."

The huge array of colors in the sky danced like fireflies. The sound of the fireworks was loud even so far away miles away, drowning out any possible noise. They crackled in the and swirled around the stars and the moon, creating picturesque patterns in the night sky.

Akaza's eyes remained glued to the sky in deep thought, almost as if he were feeling a deep sense of nostalgia or déjà vu, you couldn't quite figure out. Although he did look breathtaking with his full attention to the fireworks, you didn't want him to notice you gazing at him so you averted your gaze.

"Why did you look away? I was enjoying you staring at me," he smirked, looking back at you. "S-shut up. I wasn't looking at you." "Yeah, right."

Fifteen fireworks exploded all of a sudden, create a huge boom and loud crackling. Your eyes were glued to the glowing sky. The fireworks reflected stunningly in the lake, making the scene seem like something out of a movie.

You sat in silence for the next 20 minutes, the fireworks glimmering in the sky filling any quietness between you both.

As the fireworks came to an end, Akaza let out a loud, dramatic yawn and stretched his arms above his head. He turned to you and said, "Phew, that was exhausting. Did I actually watch some measly fireworks for half an hour?"

You couldn't help but snort at his over-the-top reaction. "What, are you too cool for fireworks? I thought you were supposed to be the Upper Moon Three, the feared demon!"

Akaza raised an eyebrow and gave you a wry smile. "Fear me, peasant! I am the mighty Akaza, and I demand respect and admiration from all those in my presence!"

You both burst out laughing at how ridiculous the whole thing sounded. As you continued to laugh, you realized that maybe, just maybe, there was more to Akaza than you initially thought. Maybe, just maybe, he was just like any other guy, with his own quirks. And maybe, just maybe, you were starting to like him.

just had an ‘oh shiiiiit’ moment bc what if it isn’t chris who gets hurt playing basketball but actually eddie? looking at the script again from a different perspective, instead of maddie reassuring buck it could be maddie misunderstanding what happened

“it was an accident, [_] knows you didn’t do it on purpose”

‘buck doesn’t say anything’

“evan. you didn’t do it on purpose did you?”

to me that could read like maddie realising like “wait, DID he??” especially bc he says nothing after she first ‘reassures’ him, kinda gives off guilty vibes

maybe buck and eddie argue and buck lashes out and eddie gets hurt? not seriously obviously, just like pushed over and sprains his wrist or something and that’s why buck ‘hasn’t really talked to him’

🤯

Dude, I've been thinking about this but I haven't felt like actually saying anything because people can be mean lol, so I'm so with you on this. He could have very much hurt Eddie. Even more with the tendency this show has of putting buddie in situations in places we will never see again (the fountain, the equine therapy place, the graveyard) so a basketball court could absolutely fit that pattern, and like, things are rocky between them, is very easy to give that impression considering where they are on the season finale, and you take freshly broken up with Buck (if the Natalia is not coming back thing is true) and you create some sort of tension between the two, to have Buck react and do something dumb, and accidentally hurt Eddie, makes sense. Like push him too hard on a play, or throw a ball he would trip on, something that's an accident but could not be if Buck analyzes it enough. And it's really easy to get hurt on a basketball court, I played for like, 7 years, and dude, the dumb ways I hurt myself are ridiculous lol, so like, it could be Eddie and Buck is scared of his reaction. Chris is the easiest to assume, and easiest to hurt, a ball to his crutches and he sprains his ankle or something, but Eddie himself is very much still a possibility. And Eddie dismissing Buck if he tried to help makes more sense than Buck leaving a hurt Chris behind. Unless the situation involves the 3 of them and Eddie is gonna go full overprotective dad because initially it seems worse than it is, let's say there's a moment they think Chris actually broke a bone or something, that lashing out is a reaction we've seen from Eddie before, fear is a powerful things, so even if Eddie doesn't react towards him because he's worring about Chris, Buck assuming Eddie is mad at him could be based on some logic. Also Eddie getting hurt and just saying I'm fine, I'm gonna go home and ice it, and Buck absolutely spiraling that Eddie hates him now is super on brand for Buck.

State of the WIP Address

Okay, y'all, I've been in a really weird place where I've been avoiding...pretty much a lot of stuff. Dunno if I have to talk to my doctor about upping my meds or what, but this is why I actually went on them--my depression manifests not in laziness, but avoiding things I need to do and things I actually WANT to do. Then I don't do them and it all starts building up. And then the to do pile feels insurmountable, like I'll never get to finish all these wonderful things. So I just...freeze up and roll over. Like a fainting goat. You'd think I'd be like "yay! lookit all the things to look forward to! I have years ahead of me full of things I really want to do! I should never be bored again!" But no. Can't do them Right Now? Fainting goat. It's weirdo. We've all got our weirdo and this is mine.

I only mention it here because I do State of the WIP Address to be accountable. Now, the weird thing is, I don't actually expect anyone to read these posts--they're boring and personal and totally for my own motivation. I just know myself and know if I put something out there, I'll feel bad if I don't do it and that should motivate me to actually do it.

But here's the thing....it doesn't work anymore. I'm no longer fulling for my own snake oil. The placebo has run out. If I know it's inconsequential, then my brain tricks me into thinking that I'm accountable to no one. And, in reality, it's true that I'm actually accountable to no one so the trick doesn't work.

Anyway. Welcome to Adira's brain where she finds her own thought patterns a fascinating psychological study and the lab results are inconclusive.

So I'mma try to twist the experiment a bit. Rather than list the things I know I can't get to right this second and feel bad about it, we're gonna let promises go and do it this way. It's not interesting to anyone but me and anyone who nerds out on process. But rather than listing the things I'm not working on, I'll talk about the ones I am, how it's going, what's in my craw about it, and maybe in my ramblings I'll clear the gears to start rolling again.

This isn't interesting to anyone but me unless you really wanna see how seriously I take my fic writing. Cringe if you want. I'm just being honest with myself. My fic isn't high art, but as with anything I create, I can't half-ass it either. It's "be satisfied with it on my terms" or bust.

STATE OF THE WIPS

I have one million projects happening, but these are the pieces I'm actively thinking about and working on at the moment.

SECRET SANTA Where it's at: I'm writing for someone I think is a wonderful person and want to do right by them, so the pressure's on. But at the same time, it's not. Because I know how accepting and lovely the person is and they gave me a lot of prompts and options and like a lot of the things I do and seem to like a lot of the types of things I like to write. I also know that this doesn't have to be over-complicated, that I can write my heart and it will please both of us. While I haven't actually opened up a doc to start, I know that it's the type of thing that if I have a little uninterrupted block of time, I can just sit down and it will flow. I won't say much about it here, but I will say that while it can 100% be read as standalone, it hits on a character/series I'm currently writing and acts as a kind of prequel, a reason for loving the reader as he does. It's something that is kind of missing in the planned series and I think this would be a nice opportunity to explore it before moving forward (and maybe helping propel that series a little) while also touching on one of the characters my giftee likes, a genre they are interested in that I hadn't considered with this character, and it will have a tone I think they'll appreciate. So while it's for them and being written with their likes in mind, I thank them, because it's also a little gift for me and my yearnings. What's stopping me: Time constraints and general anxiety.

TROPE FIC: MODERN DOM!PERO Where it's at: This one got a little sloppy and I'm working on it. I've been following @max--phillips' entries about what defines certain types of kinks and while my thoughts on dom!Pero started as true dom, they swung wrong when I started working on this, and now I'm just thinking myself back to the definition of dominant. And while I may still be missing the mark, it's helping me to think more about how I want to explore and frame this dynamic. It's also giving me a little trouble in that it's not coming out chronologically which causes me to waste time jumping around and retrofitting things. What's stopping me: I put this one on hold to start prioritizing the Secret Santa piece.

TROPE FIC: SEX POLLEN!OBERYN Where it's at: This piece is flowing chronologically. It's going to be longer than I anticipated and the first draft is about 1/3 done. I already know that after the first draft I'll have to do some shaping and I think maybe I got overwhelmed with the task I set for myself and that triggered my avoidance. I know where it's going, I'm excited for it, it will flow easily if I let it, I just have to do it! What's stopping me: I put this one on hold because I got distracted by tasty Pero thoughts. I blame @perotovar for the thots, but not the stopping. That's all on me.

TROPE FIC: ALPHA!JAVI Where it's at: I'm about 1/2 done with the first draft. Again, this one will be longer (and also more angsty) than I anticipated. I love love love where it's going though and reader and Javi's history is beautiful and sad and complex; I really love that half. I'm just now switching into the modern day section of it and have to make a few decisions about how I actually want it to go. My mind is over-complicating the story and I'm trying to wrestle it down a softer path. What's stopping me: I got distracted by the Oberyn story which is why this one's on hold and now this is all Inceptioning on itself.

GOOD. THINGS. TAKE. TIME. Where it's at: The asks are all sorted, there are only a few more sessions left before chapter 4. I just have to write it. What's stopping me: Here's the thing about PATS. If I was out for notes, I'd be pounding on this series, because it's my most popular one. But... really, I'm just here to dream up stories I like to tell. I put PATS down not consciously and not because I don't love him, but I got excited by other ideas. I want to finish it because I don't like having a bunch of unfinished projects lying around, but I also don't want that to be my #1 motivator for writing him. I want to enjoy it. I did enjoy putting the latest installment out, but I also don't feel like I'm letting anyone down if I don't hurry it, just because engagement is low. Again, I'm not here for the notes, I truly love the connection and the squeeing and sharing a yearn. We're all so busy now that it's tough to get to everything and the mutual timing is a bit off. That's okay. It's planned out, it'll get done, I just have to do it when I'm feeling it.

LEAVE OFF YOUR WANDERING: WINTER Where it's at: Finished plan. Yet to begin writing. What's stopping me: I was wrestling with this one for a bit because I had two directions it could go--soft and fluffy without much meat, or weaving all the details together and serving a story that gets rather dark, a little sad, and serves as a fix it. On one hand, I felt like I would be betraying readers by not keeping the euphoric escape. But I would also feel like I built this whole backstory that needed to manifest itself in a test for Joel and Meadowlark, as well as the fact that--other than backstories--there hasn't been any canon hardship or violence displayed. It's like I'm missing a huge chunk of who Joel and Meadowlark are. In the end, that's where the story wants to go, so I'm going there. And I have to not think about what anyone else wants, just me. Not just for selfish reasons, but I know that's when I do my best. It doesn't mean there won't still be fluff and a happy ending. It just means I have to write darkness and perhaps it will serve me better to do it in the season in which it takes place.

So, my mom got me a mini diamond painting coaster kit for Christmas (the only thing I got.....) and I'd been avoiding diamond painting because I know me, and I know that I would end up obsessing over sorting and organizing the little, plastic gems instead of doing actual projects with them.

I was considering not even opening the kit just to avoid even tempting myself with it, but also figured I should see if I would get sucked in horribly like I thought or would I be able to handle it.

The biggest problem I foresaw was ending up needing to buy and label storage containers for the gems, and the labels and containers would have to all be the same, and they'd all have to look perfectly aligned, and they'd all have to be. THE. SAME. but it would take me forever to figure out how, exactly, I wanted them just like my pony photos that I keep re-re-renaming and.......

I already had tiny zipper bags meant for beads and stuff, and I was able to find them (almost never can find them when I want them), and decanted each little un-re-closable bag of gems into a zipper bag with a bit of paper that had their number or letter on them, and that's been fine. I managed, so far, to store the gems in a simple way.

Another problem I'd foreseen was wanting all of the nice, fancy tools and stuff that people use to do their paintings.

I've been fine with the exceedingly cheap applicator pen and itty little block of wax.

I let myself overdo it in the hopes that I would lose interest BEFORE wanting to buy a bunch of stuff and I think it's working. I've done 4 out of 6 coasters yesterday and would have done all 6 but I ran out of light.

Not good, though, that I'm tempted to create my own patterns which would require purchasing sturdy paper, spray adhesive or large sheets of double-sided tape, and hunting down the right colors of gems leading to storing and labeling and.......

It's better I don't, even though it might be fun to make my own kits to sell.

I mean, it's just pixel art.

I don't know what I'll be doing with these coasters when they're done. They're still sticky all over because there are areas where there aren't gems (I know there's a setting spray but I don't want to spend money on this), and I figure if they were to get wet or hot the glue would let go and the gems fall off anyway.

-

As an aside, ye olden ADHD has proven to be an absolute bitch while trying to make these little coasters. I could be looking for every little A, for example, and as soon as I had covered the last dot and went to put the unused gems back in their bag am unable to remember which bag they go in or which letter or number I'd just been working on.

I have to make sure I remember to keep that bag separated while I'm working so I don't forget.

Welcome to the Future - Kicho x Y/N (Ikémen Sengoku)

Here is my entry for A Series of Firsts hosted by @aquagirl1978. I'm super nervous to post it because it's the first time I'm writing a fanfiction and English is not my first language. Also, I know only a little about Kicho. I've only read a few of his birthday events available on the Enslig server. So, expect it to be out of character.

Prompt: First look

Pairing: Kicho x Y/N (but consider it a self-insert)

Word Count: 1628

There are really few spoilers from his route. I think we all already know where he has been and when.

The story takes place in the present day. A university student travels to Japan for her master degree. She visits Honno-Ji temple. There is a thunderstorm and she finds... a man?

The wind is blowing through my hair, bringing with it a light scent of greenery, reminiscent of the few threes around. I can also smell the scent of wet wood and wet stone. The sky is grey. Not a grey that conveys sadness, just an old plain boring grey, perfect for the boring days.

I’m so stupid. So, so, so stupid. What did I decided to do my master’s degree on Dazai Osamu? I’m studying French literature not Japanese literature. At least, since it’s only a master’s degree, not a doctorate degree, I could write my mémoire based on translations. My university allows it. The thing is, French and Japanese are incredibly different. Reading Osamu Dazai in French is not the same thing as reading him in Japanese. I want to respect the creator’s work, so I told myself I would learn Japanese and visit Japan. Such a good idea. A degree that should take two years to finish has been extended to at least four years. I am already twenty-six-year-old. After my university studies, I’ll need to find a job.

I’m dumb. Even a lifetime won’t be enough to fully understand Osamu Dazai’s work. Will I ever be able to read his novels in their original language? Scrap that. I will never obtain my degree.

I sigh as I walk through Honno-Ji’s main entrance. As an international student, I get to visit a lot of places. I am quite pleased to be able to explore Kyoto. I mean, a trip to Japan is not complete without some sightseeing through Kyoto, right? Though, for some reason, a friend of mine recommended me to go to Honno-Ji temple. It’s not that I lack culture, but... I didn’t know what that temple was. I never saw it passed on travel guide. Oda Nobunaga was a name I’ve never heard before. Yet, here I am, about to pay my respect to that guy.

There are few people around. They are talking or looking at their phone. Yeah, nobody cares about Oda Nobunaga.

Suddenly, the surroundings are darkening. Well, I guess it’s going to rain. A lightning tears the sky, creating a root-like pattern. Seconds later, the thunder resonates in the air. The people around are quick to get up from their seat and find shelter under the roofs. Once they are safe from the rain and the thunder, people resume talking and looking at their phone. The storm seems to worsen. Light and electricity are spreading in the sky. Thunder is deafening. I hear a shrill noise in my head, like a powerful ringing. I cover my ears with my hands.

The rain splattering against the ground. The blinding lights. The roaring of the thunder. The heat and the dampness. The tense atmosphere I seem to be the only one feeling. It’s too much. I’m out of breath. My legs are trembling. My heart is about to burst out of my chest. My blood is boiling. I’m about to faint.

The next moment, a lightning strikes the memorial. The ground vibrates under my feet, and I collapse. All eyes are converging where the lightning struck. There, I see a man, lying down. What the… What is he doing?

People around are screaming, pointing at his direction, but nobody goes to help him. I understand. Even if I could move, I wouldn’t risk my life.

Soon, there is no more lightning and thunder. After a while, the sky is clearing up and I can see the sun above. The few people disperse, and I find myself alone in Honno-Ji memorial with a man only meters away. Is he unconscious? He didn’t run away when the storm was raging. I… I don’t want. I don’t want to go look after him, ask him if he’s fine, if he needs some help… I’m not good at that.

Despite my reluctance, I find the courage to look after him. I get up while holding myself against the wall, then walk in direction of the man, my heart still beating fast. Cautious, I lean over him. The man is soaked. His eyes are close, but his chest is slowly rising and falling. He wears a kimono, way too open in the chest area. His black hair falls on his face. He is unconscious, yet he looks irritated.

OK, time to wake him up. I kneel next to him and shake his body. Soon enough, his eyes flutter open. Well, that was easy. It means he is not seriously injured. The man stares at me with green orbs. I can’t help but notice the bags under his eyes. They give him an annoyed look. He’s still quite attractive. His jaw is sharp, his neck long and he possesses an elegant flair to him. I don’t think I’ve met a guy as handsome as him before. Now, what do I do?

"Hello?" I said in a broken Japanese. "Are you alright? Do you need help?"

The man stares at me, confused and more irritated. That’s it. He didn’t understand a word I said. I try again:

"Are you hurt somewhere? What is your name? Should I take you to the hospital?

The man stares at me for a while, and I feel more nervous. He scoffs at me and says something. What… what it is? That’s… I understood nothing. I look at his clothes again. He wears a kimono and the way he is speaking is weird, it is not the Japanese I usually hear on the streets. We are in a temple. The man is handsome… He must be an actor acting the role of a Japanese of the ancient times! He is certainly taking his role seriously. If I were him, I would’ve break character the moment the thunderstorm started. He even kept acting when I woke him up. That’s what I call talent and dedication.

"You’re an actor, right? You’re good, but I don’t think you need to keep acting. I just want to make sure you’re alright. Can you, maybe, answer me in modern Japanese? Please? If you tell me you are alright, I promise to let you alone."

The man scoffs again. He is talking again and… something mysterious happens. I hear him talking to me in Japanese, yet I understand him as if he were speaking to me in my native language.

"Your Japanese is horrible to the ears." He smirks, and I hate him. He’s not wrong, though. "You’re not from here."

"Of course, I’m not from here! It’s written all over my face and body. Do I look Japanese to you? Arg… Anyway, are you not supposed to be an actor for the Honno-Ji temple? If so, shouldn’t you be a bit nicer to the visitors? I was worried about you!"

The man’s gaze darkens. He is not smiling anymore. He scans the surroundings, and he looks confused. "An actor?" he repeats.

"Come on! Don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about. I’m not dumb to the point of not knowing there was some sort of actors back in… the old days."

He frowns. "Where are we? What is this place? It’s terrible. Whatever you are wearing is distasteful for a woman… or just any human being."

Geez… That man is something else. "We are at Honno-Ji temple, where Oda Nobunaga died… hum… many years ago."

The man appears to be even more confused. Then, he puts one hand on my neck and forces me to look at him right in the eyes. The effect is immediate. I lower my gaze to his lips. He seems to notice as he sighs, but he doesn’t comment about it. "You said Oda Nobunaga is dead?"

"Yeah… He died some 450 years ago, or so my friend told me."

The man’s eyes widen. What is going on? My heart’s rate hasn’t slowed down since the end of the thunderstorm. I can only keep staring at his lips, his neck and chest. Did he hit his head that badly? He looks like he really doesn’t know what is going on. I should take him to the hospital.

The man has now a serious expression. "Introduce yourself. What is your name? What year are you born? Where do you come from? What year is it?" His voice is commanding, and I see no problem to answering his questions. "I’m Y/N. I was born in 1992. We are now in 2018. I’m from Canada."

I didn’t think he could look more surprised, yet he seems even more dumbfounded. "Canada?" At the end of the 16th century, Canada had already been discovered for some decades. Either the information had not yet reach Japan at that time, or Japan didn’t know Canada by that name. "It’s a far away land. Now, would you tell me who you are?"

The man answers a few seconds later. "My name is Kicho. I am a vassal of Oda Nobunaga." he murmurs. I nod, then I grab my phone, searching for "Kicho". Oh, OK. That guy definitely hit his head. Kicho is a woman, and she is Nobunaga’s wife. "Sorry, but Internet is telling me Kicho is Nobunaga’s wife. She is also known as Nohime." "Nohime?" repeats the man calling himself Kicho. He then stands up and grabs me by the wrist. I am forced to get up with him. "Y/N, you are coming with me. You will show me around and will explain to me everything about this place, and about Canada too." His gaze is piercing, and I feel compelled to obey, but I am not afraid.

"But first, we need to find you new clothes. You can’t go flashing your tits like that."

Kicho’s eyes widen, then he frowns. "Flashing my what? My… tits?"

*Slam dunks myself into ur inbox*

You got any tiger or bull hcs?

Also, are you willing to talk about ur cool au?

~ fan-mans

Ooo, a lovely ask to see, Fan-Mans! Well, lets start with the big one.. my 'cool au' (thank you!!!). Assuming you mean my interpretation of the wacky Punchout world, I can't reveal too much.. tension building and all, but I'd be delighted to share a little synopsis and drop a few important notes to build off. After a tragic event in 1998 that rocked the very core of the WVBA, things started to fall apart. Famous faces departed, shady deals were made, everything was emerging into a new dawn. With Mr Dream gaining ownership of the company from its original founders Phillip Margo and Terrence Lemming, a company named Sun Corp was intergrated into the WVBA behind the scenes, slowly replacing medical employees and other roles with their own. Sun Corp pledges to create a better world for boxing and revolutionise the sport, but they might have ulterior motives that need to be looked into.. The Sun Corp website provides a lot of information on the AU, and has a bunch of secrets to find that have some vital stuff if you haven't looked already. Looking now.. there's about 8 things to find! https://sun-corp.onepage.me/sluncekorporace If you have any other questions, maybe I'll let some info slip.. feel free to send in any more asks! And now I can get onto the purer stuff, headcanons! We'll share some Bull info first, shall we? - Bull doesn't have any personal pets, but has plenty of farm animals (and several bulls) back in Turkey that he gets along well with. - Bull has never even considered dating. As a child he wasn't interested, as an adult he's too closed off to try anything. He would need a lot of convincing to give anything a go. - Bull barely tolerates anybody.. except Soda. He finds Macho annoying, he finds Aran aggravating and he's just fine with Sandman, because he's quiet. - Bull has been involved in a cover up by the WVBA for something he did. - He's blind in one eye, he will not discuss it. - I've mentioned it before, but his actual name is Burak Binici! - Bull is admittedly terrified of being noticed. He hates large crowds, ironically, and that means he often gets overstimulated. As a coping mechanism, he hits his head to try and concentrate on that pain rather than what's going on around him.. it's not very healthy, but it does work. Whenever he goes out in public, whether it's alone or with friends, he'll usually cover up with a hoodie or a coat to make himself less noticeable. In a worse case scenario he'll even make those going out with him cover up so they don't draw any attention, like the one time he took Joe out to a restaurant and had him wear a fluffy coat the entire time until he passed out from heat exhaustion. It's definitely an issue for him, but he refuses to work on it because he refuses to talk about his issues. It just makes him frustrated.

And now some Tiger info! - Tiger owns a white tiger called Gahana. - Tiger is fine with everybody, except Don who he constantly argues with and the rest of the time just manages to tolerate. - Tiger is very interesting for scars. He has tons all over him, and it gives him a kind of tiger stripe pattern. They're a mix of accidental magic injuries (teleporting into dangerous spots, burning himself with fire, etc etc). But there's a scar along his palm that's from a blood pact he made with an old friend, who was convinced they could get some of Tiger's magic if they did one (which was completely untrue and just ruined the friendship).  - His actual name is Zeeshan Kapoor!

I love your Batman meta related posts, and I enjoy reading through them. I’ve noticed that a common theme in some of them revolve around Bruce being an abusive parent. I’m sorry if this is too much to ask, but may you please go over some examples of Bruce being abusive to the batfam, and how it’s not an OOC characterization for him?

Thank you! I'm glad you enjoy my occasional Batman thoughts. Indeed, I've expressed more than once that I do believe Bruce is an abusive parent -- though I feel like others before me have articulated the reasons for it far better. Which is why I will offer some of my opinions below, but I will also redirect you to a couple of metas on this topic I myself agreed with and found interesting, which contain examples of Bruce being abusive (with comic receipts a lot of the time): here and here and here and here and here and here and here and here and here... look, pretty much go through the “Batman’s C+ parenting” tag of bitimdrake’s blog :)) Many bingeable good metas to read.

I think it's very important to note that abuse is a heavy and complicated topic. People perceive and deal with abuse very differently; and people become abusers in different ways. You can certainly encounter individuals who maliciously and intentionally use their power or privilege to abuse others, but more often than not it's not that simple. It's not that black and white. Sometimes, a parent might genuinely love their child, but they might have no idea how to express themselves healthily or raise them, and they might end up doing a lot of emotional damage to their child because of it. And in my opinion, Bruce falls in the second category. He doesn't intend to harm his children, emotionally or physically -- but he ends up doing it nonetheless, again and again. That’s not to say Bruce can’t be a good parent. He has been; he’s supported the Family, he’s praised them, he’s shown them he cares, and I’m pretty sure he’d die for them if he needed to. And that’s the most interesting part: he’s a realistic parent with abusive tendencies. He’s human. He’s fallible. He loves his children and he tries his best, and he’s learned a lot over time; but he also makes a lot of mistakes.

I’ll go into more detail on each type of abusive behavior he displays (so warning for that), and why I don’t consider it OOC, under the cut. Because I was like ‘haha I’ll just link some metas’ but then I got long again. Sigh.

It's a joke that's made a lot, how Batman is supposed to be a loner, and yet he has one of the most extensive Families and ally circles in DC. But once you get to know the character, it's not at all a contradiction. Bruce lost his family, and that trauma shaped him. It's the basis of Batman. It makes perfect sense that he'd yearn to create one of his own... but the problem is, his desire for connection is many times outweighed by his absolute, paralyzing fear of it. If he has a family, if he has people he cares about, then he can lose them. Bruce is terrified of loss, and this fear is one of the main roots of his pattern of emotional abuse.

This pattern tends to manifest in three forms. The first is neglect. He distances himself from his children, treats them as soldiers in his neverending war on crime, keeps them at arms length -- both because he wants it to hurt less if he loses them, and because he's never developed a healthy way of dealing with his own or others' emotions. In many ways, it's self-preservation, and not just towards the Family. In general, Bruce's repression, intellectualization, and emotional distancing is a way to avoid being hurt. This drives his belief that emotional attachments are, in the end, a weakness. He can't focus on the Mission if he's constantly worried about the people fighting alongside him... but he also needs them. And here one of Bruce's darker traits come in, too: his ruthlessness. He can't be everywhere all at once, he can't operate alone and be as efficient as when having a small army of trained soldiers at his side. For the sake of the Mission being fulfilled, and with the goal of protecting Gotham and saving as many people as possible, he allows the Batfamily to exist. Bruce is capable of 'turning off' his emotions and only acting in the interest of a higher goal, in a way that's hurt and pissed off his friends and Family multiple times. I'm not at all saying he doesn't love them, or care about them. That's the crux of the matter. He does care, and he's afraid of what happens when he cares, which again and again prompts him to act cold and distant and emotionally push them away. But, ironically enough, it's this exact same issue that leads him to display the third kind of emotionally abusive behavior: excessive control.

Bruce has been shown to be invasive and manipulative, wanting the Family to follow his orders and punishing them in various ways when they don’t -- because, if you're terrified of losing something, one way to ensure you're not going to lose it is to contain it, and never take your eyes off it. Carefully control it. See, he can't entirely cut all ties, both because he loves the Family and because he needs them from a utilitarian point of view. But he can try to emotionally protect himself by distancing, and he can try to protect them by controlling them... by knowing everything that goes on in their lives, and (sadly) trying to get them to make choices he would make. He’s got a bit of a thing when it comes to rewarding the Family for acting the same way he does. It’s a complicated mix of Bruce’s arrogance, God complex and that controlling overprotective streak I mentioned; it’s ‘I think of every worst-case scenario and prepare for everything and train for everything and essentially try to become God, so if you act the same way I do, you will be safer and less likely to get hurt.’

The third form of his emotionally abusive pattern is the expectation for others to prioritize and handle his emotions. This pretty much follows the other two kinds; Bruce does say very hurtful things, he pushes people away, he keeps secrets and refuses to ask for help or include his children in intimate aspects of his life; but he also expects them to not let him do it, and it's... this one is really tough. I don't think it's ever quite hit him, the realization of his egocentrism: the way he makes so many things about himself. His emotions and his state of being are the priority, for his kids, and they always watch out for Bruce's anger, for his self-destructive tendencies, for signs of him retreating so they can pull him back from the brink, and the thing is, that's not their job. The kid is not supposed to take care of the parent, it's supposed to be the other way around. But more often than not, it's not Bruce handling his childrens' emotions, it's them navigating his. Dick and Tim, especially, are subject to this. Hell, Tim basically became Robin because he saw how Bruce was spiralling and went 'is no one gonna take care of that??', stepping into the role himself when Dick refused to (and good for him). And thing is, while a huge part of why Bruce adopted and trained them is empathizing with their traumas and caring about them, another part of it is... a need for grounding himself. Bruce knows he's always walking the line. He knows he's got a lot of darkness that he's always fighting to keep contained, and he can't manage it alone. He keeps himself human through his connections, his attachments; his Family, most of all. And so, it's not surprising that his children end up having to chase Bruce and figure out his emotions and take care of him, make him socialize and act like a person -- it's part of why Bruce forged these relationships in the first place. But it's still not fair to any of them. And it's impacted them in various unhealthy ways. There's certainly an argument to be made that some of them began to base their value, and self-worth, in how useful they were to Bruce. Bruce's approval is something that's so deeply craved in the core Family circle, and it's... sigh. It's downright insidious, sometimes. Bruce does so many shitty things, but they keep coming back, often at token signs of apology from Bruce or barely any crumbs at all.

And if it were only that. But Bruce's grief and his fear of loss always turn to anger. Batman is fueled by that anger, and Bruce has... lots of issues in dealing with it and venting it in a healthy way (see the above general issues in handling his own emotions). And so, you have the pattern of physical abuse, and not just the emotional I described above. In his grief and his anger, Bruce has exploded and hit his children more than once. It's tough to say who suffered more from this: Dick or Jason. Maybe Jason, since Bruce's tremendous amount of guilt and self-hatred towards him just turns into more anger, and that translates into even more potential violence. Especially when Jason breaches Bruce's rules. He gets very angry when anyone breaches his imposed rules, especially the no-killing one, and here’s where his harmful need for absolute control and some of that arrogance come in. Bruce justifies this kind of behavior in various ways (and the narrative does too, because it has to -- Batman has to be the hero), the most prevalent excuse being his treatment of them as soldiers, or a downright refusal to admit he’s even viewed as a father figure by them. This is an overarching issue in itself, his reluctance to admit he’s wrong.

In the end, so much of this has roots in Bruce’s trauma, which is the main reason why I don’t see it as OOC. He tries to save everyone because he couldn’t save his parents back then. He’s so controlling because he cannot even conceive of ever being that helpless again; he’s terrified of losing the people he cares about and still so incandescently angry at the criminals that took them away. Needless to say, he’s plenty neurodivergent, too. And disappearing for over a decade and training for being Batman, being away from Alfred and having his parents taken away at such a young age... never afforded him the opportunity to learn healthy ways of emotionally regulating himself. Neither did it teach him to reach out to others in a healthy way. And all the resulting issues, that he’s never truly dealt with constructively, converge in all the ways Bruce has fallen into abusive behaviors as a parental figure.

Hope you’ve found this an interesting read! I tried to keep it as general as possible, seeing as the metas before I’ve linked are a lot more specific. I also want to assert that this is my personal assessment of Bruce’s character, and that (obviously) everyone is free to create their own interpretation; I take no issue with people who prefer to headcanon and write Bruce solely as a good parent. But the canon reality of him not being one does exist, and is still interesting to dissect.

Seasons Will Change

At the age of 21, my life took an unexpected and challenging turn. Growing up in a family struggling with financial constraints, I was intimately familiar with the concept of sacrifice. My childhood was marked by the family's financial woes, particularly after my elder brother strained our finances by failing to repay debts for major purchases. My family dynamics were unique, with a nine-year age gap between my brother and me, shaping our distinct life paths. I was groomed to pursue a career in medicine, while my brother was encouraged to follow in our grandfather's footsteps in the Airforce.

Our household often felt like a sanctuary of exhausted adults. My mother and uncle, consumed by their work, had little time or energy for interaction, leaving me to entertain myself in quiet solitude. This pattern extended to my brother when he started college, reinforcing a household norm of silent coexistence. These experiences instilled in me a determination to achieve financial and emotional stability before considering parenthood.

My mother's eyes were usually very tired. Sometimes I felt like a poorly rendered child NPC in her eyes. Despite the weariness that often clouded my mother's eyes, there were moments when a livelier version of her emerged, particularly in the company of friends. This contrast in her demeanor influenced my belief in the value of chosen families over biological ties, a perspective further reinforced by my brother's supportive network of friends.

As I grew older, the familial responsibilities intensified, especially when our family matriarch fell ill. My mother and uncle, grappling with their own challenges, were unable to provide the needed support, leaving me to shoulder the burden. During this period, I resorted to various means, including nude modeling and taking on less desirable jobs, to financially support my family. This journey was not without its personal sacrifices, as I navigated the complexities of young adulthood and relationships, including a tumultuous period with my then-boyfriend, who later became my husband.

Through sheer determination and hard work, I managed to keep afloat, balancing multiple jobs and educational commitments. However, the emotional toll of caregiving and dealing with judgment from those around me was immense.

"Oh you seem to happy"

"Oh you need to smile more..."

"Oh everyone has problems."

"Why do you look like you're carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders?"

Well, that's what she wanted me to do. Carry everything... And yeah I didn't do it perfectly. From her hospital bed, she realized it was too much for one person. So I let her and my uncle handle the finances while I paid rent for the last few years. This worked out in our favor and my mom was in and out of the house dealing with her psychotic episodes. In most Latino cultures things like vulnerability is swept under the rug. We are told to never feel our emotions. To grin and bear it because everyone else is watching and what will they all think if they saw? Well... what does that even matter now? I've met some amazing people that just do them. They do art and inspire people while not being hateful or spiteful. We all came from the same area, and each one of us inspires the other to keep going. You better hustle that art... we used to say. This was before things became much more complex. Some of them turned out alright, others do things that fill our teachers with shame. Before I moved, one of my teachers called me back. Saying to please visit, I want to see at least one of you...

Time is funny like that. I still create, but it feels like a ripple in an unforgiving ocean of creation and competition. I've known graphic artists who really just looked online and stole from other creators... And I've known brilliant creators who recluse because their hearts wanted the shallow bimbo with no real depth. Just a poisoned heart that she wanted to infect myself and others with. I think that's where the term poisonous maiden came from when I started school a long time ago. Sometimes I wish the venom some of my older sisters infected me with would dissolve and it does, with meditation thank goodness. It was like being taught o be cruel against your will as a survival mechanism.

"Be careful, the traffickers will get you..."

The once far away warning became so real in recent years. When I remember the people I've worked with and warped things they started doing to survive in a relentless current that never really lets up. Mothers hurting innocent young women because they see the face of their own daughters in mine. Little did they now, I used to cook for my hungover mom. Trying to remind her that she was divine, and to not let the poison of the world infect her. But it seems like one of my sisters was right...

Sometimes love is not enough...

So here I am, starting somewhere new. Away from the cold judgmental faces of my fellow Miami residents... And I'm happier than I've ever been. My husband confessed last year and we decided to elope and run away from everything.

"You were always mine..." He says often.

It's true, I always looked for his face and personality in other people because if it weren't for him... One of our terrible classmates would have hurt me out of a misguided sense of self entitlement because he smelled blood in the water around me. My advice, be mindful of yourself. There is a whole big world out there. I was right to quit school and start college early, but I should have been mindful of the older students and things they said around me...

They are still covering their tracks, and that is sad that they feel like covering their toxicity by hurting others. but C'est la vie...

My story is one of resilience and perseverance, a testament to the strength required to navigate life's unexpected challenges.

Helloooo! 🪄, 💞 and 🌿 if you fancy it for real fic writer asks!

ooo thank you!! xox

🪄what is your post-writing/sharing aftercare? How do you take care of yourself or celebrate yourself when you've finished a fic?

I don't do it well, honestly. I like to drop a thing, post the tumblr post and then disappear for a bit while simultaneously obsessively checking to see if anyone noticed! Which honestly doesn't feel... great. I tend to immediately jump to "okay what's next" and not spend time with the moment? I do need to give my stuff a bit of time before I can go back and reread it (and spot every typo I missed uggh) but I do like to reread my stuff!

💞what's the most important part of a story for you? the plot, the characters, the worldbuilding, the technical stuff (grammar etc), the figurative language

I think it's the overall cohesiveness that is really important to me. I can accept lots and lots of different worlds, but they have to make sense. People have to act in a way that I think real human beings would act (and I can imagine lots of possibilities for that) and I don't want to write characters who don't behave realistically. I've tried to loosen up a bit and let myself play a bit more, but yeah. Fundamentally, I like things to make sense.

Plot really matters to me, I guess is what I'm saying!

Language also really matters to me, like a LOT. The kind of voice I tend to love (and strive for) is one that's fairly plain, perhaps a bit dry but funny (I love reading/writing things that make you laugh), and I work really hard on word choices. Words mean things and I want always to use them accurately. @julcheninred. is amazing for that! Grammar also matters to me though I am less intense about it than words.

Character development also matters? Again, I like people to make sense!

🌿how does creating make you feel?

I know I've talked about this before, but it's really really powerful for me. Growing up, I never considered myself genuinely CREATIVE because I played music other people wrote but didn't write my own. I took photographs of things that already existed. I created things from other people's patterns. Acted other people's scripts. I did write (poetry mostly) but my older sister was the "writer" (we divided it up I guess? I was the math and science kid) and I never felt like I could venture out there. And then I didn't write creatively for a really long time.

Finding a community. Finding a voice. Finding stories inside of me that I wanted to tell. These things matter so much to me. I've created over a million words on Ao3. It's changed me, beautifully and irrevocably.

It feels amazing.

Let's Get ((REAL)) fic writer asks

Day 5

Today I am thinking a lot. I heard the following from a Tiktok "You are the one creating the simulation... and all the characters in it." Now, I don't really subscribe to the simulation as life theory but... there is definitely some truth here that I want to unpack a little for myself.

I grew up in a space where my feelings were not validated. I then proceeded to continue to have romantic relationships with men who did not validate my feelings. I have often felt the victim in these relationships.. always wondering why they couldn't give me what I consider to be basic respect. But the truth is... after I left my parents' household.. I chose the people in my life. I chose who came in and more importantly, I chose the people that I let stay.

I've chosen what has felt familiar to me, not what I actually want. Or to put it another way, I have wanted what was familiar and not what would actually be good for me. Over and over again. It's time to stop being mad at other people. (As much as I can anyway)

In the case of my ex-husband.. I have to give it to him. It's not like (after the first little bit of our relationship) that he pretended he was emotionally mature. He readily admitted he wasn't. I am the one that kept him around... and at times... made sure he stayed around. Why? If I knew he couldn't be different, and by not being different he would continue to hurt me over and over... why in the world did I continue in a relationship with him? Trauma does funny things to people.

The good news is... I'm no longer walking around not knowing that's what I'm doing/have been doing. And I can't un-know it. I have some trepidation in regard to the future.. and wonder how I am going to break this pattern... but I also am carrying hope I never had before.

I am the one with the power in my own life. I choose. And I am working really hard to make sure that what I choose moving forward matches what I know now I am worth.

Hi, sorry to bother you, but I'm going through a type crisis and need your help! I think I may be the reverse version of that trend of INFPs mistyping as INFJ just because they want to be INFJ really bad, but I can't be sure. My brain is just too confused. The types I currently have on the table are INFP, INFJ, INTJ and ISFP which is kind of upsetting because those types are each so different and it feels like I'm practically at square one again.

For reference I think I'm an attachment type on the enneagram which might influence/explain my behaviors as well. Although I love telling people to be themselves and value self-expression myself, I always find myself conforming to the group and am very sensitive to what other people think of me. I love aesthetics and appearance and will dress 'quirky' not just for myself, but if I think people will view me positively for it. I tend to turn to outside sources for validation or information. Even when I'm by myself, free from judgement, I have this internal fear of being 'cringe' that I need to overcome because it makes me feel like a hypocrite.

This is indeed strong attachment and probably a social dominant instinct (so/sp is most likely). Social 6 or 9 would both feel this way, but I lean a little more towards social 9w1. It could also be Fe, yes.

However, I am also very withdrawn from others like a 9 and spend a lot of time in my head fantasizing and daydreaming. I'd rather be drawing or creating something than exhausting myself with other people though I do always end up enjoying it when I leave my comfort zone.

That fits with 9.

But anyway. I say I need help because I've always thought of myself as INFP until recently I realized I might possibly be a Ni-dom. I guess I never considered it before because I'm not a psychic wizard and I don't ponder the meaning of life daily. However, my thought patterns feel like Ni nonetheless.

Most people don't really understand Ni, and it's difficult to wrap your head around it if you don't have it. Have you read my Ni section?

Ever since I was a kid I've loved to create epic plans for my future and make lists of the things I would need. I would come up with these outlandish ideas (for example, I imagined building a swimming pool full of fish like an aquarium!) but still tried to fact-check and make it 'realistic' to be sure I could really do it. Since I've grown up a bit, those far-fetched ideas have been replaced with more reasonable ones, but I still have a tendency to think big and go deep, like when I get struck with an idea at 2AM and meticulously plan it out before I can do it and get no sleep.

The attachment to realism is either a strong sensing function or a strong thinking function. An ISJ would try to be realistic with their future ambitions and so would an ISP. The fact that you imply that your dreams were "far-fetched" and you've now matured out of them might mean you have a strong sensing function. Meticulous planning can be Si-driven if that's about all the details, or Ni-driven, if you are envisioning exactly what you want and trying to see how to get it.

I'm very introspective but mostly of myself (this isn't Fi, is it??) and often get super 'meta' with my thoughts which obviously has made this typing process a hell of a ride, lmao. I can kind of see Ne in my thought process as well but I'm not really 'scatterbrained.'

Ne is more how outside ideas cause you to get more ideas of your own -- it's not really scatterbrained (that's a stereotype), so much as A reminds you of X and that gives you an idea of how to use Y. You may want to read my ENP sections, as well as my IFP sections, on the above mentioned website to get a sense of them, because you are using broad generalities / stereotypes when referring to functions and it's hard for me to give you an objective analysis when I'm not positive you "know" what each function does internally.

[...] I just don't relate to the emotional distance, and definitely not the bluntness, of Te. I'm only emotionally detached when I feel like being heartfelt is too 'cringey', but I find that happens more within close circles without the external validation that it's OK to show empathy. Again, that could be my enneagram softening that up, but I really feel like I'm too considerate of others' feelings to be Te.

Of course you won't relate to it. IFPs can never be emotionally detached unless something is wrong (a Te grip). They filter everything through their feelings and moral judgments about the situation. So you are not going to relate to TJ descriptions.

On the other hand, I don't relate to the 'we' or group mentality of Fe. Even when I want to, I'm not super good at knowing what to say to comfort other people and find listening to people vent to be very draining and not worth my time. <- this is definitely not FJ; eww, don't come at me with your problems is more Fi-dom/9.

Finally, my opinion on the sensing functions. I have a pretty bad memory, and I'm not a traditionalist or super reliant on the past, so I don't think Si. I can sometimes get struck with impulses that I will follow through with if no one's around to judge me for it, and like I mentioned earlier I do enjoy aesthetics, dressing up, making things look pretty, matching and well-coordinated. So that's my argument for Se. 

You sound IFP, so dig more into Se/Ni, since you could be ISFP.

anon s again, if you have the time describe some of your favorite tropes of all time or that you might've seen recently (whatever way you wanna tell me, prompts dialogue or just word vomit) i'm taking a break from writing and may or may not be curious

it would be my pleasure!! gonna leave it under the readmore tho bc i. i got excited. and it's only two examples bc if i did more of them i'd never stop writing and reading!

okay, so for starters, this one usually gets a lot of criticism for the fact that, in the past, it's been historically written off as convenient to the plot. and i think they call it a deus ex machina, but i googled that, S, i googled it and i have to disagree bc when it's done properly, it's a thing of true BEAUTY! it's basically the trope where someone's about to get hurt or killed or whatever, and then someone else shows up and saves them before it happens. and recently i've been watching shows where this trope is done SO well! a solid example is when the darkling saves alina from the druskelle. it's written off as a basic "ah yes, she's the sun summoner, he's the general, it's important she survives to save the world". but the darkling's motives are later revealed as being far more insidious in nature, so his interest in saving her life isn't actually to save the world, it's to serve his own purposes.

( basically, if it's done correctly, it reveals details of the characters and their goals. the darkling wants alina to expand the fold, so he saves her life. similarly, inej and kaz are at massive odds because they disagree on whether or not alina is an actual genuine sun summoner, but they both become invested in keeping her alive because inej believes alina is a saint, and kaz believes alina can keep them all alive while in the fold. inej's faith and kaz's survival instincts are both reflected. )

okay that turned into an essay and !!! and i'm blanking now bc i'm not overly observant, i just react well to certain things and it never occurs to me that it's a pattern!

but recently i've been thinking a lot about stranger things, and more recent installations of the mcu where the decisions that are made by the characters aren't necessarily easy nor morally clear ones. and i really really love that stuff too! in particular, jane's choice in the season finale ( i don't wanna spoil it. it's been three months but jesus help me S i cannot bring myself to lend actual words to that in case anyone hasn't seen it! ) is one that carries immense weight, because it's a very difficult choice and very grey area that has ramifications that haven't even been considered yet.

also, eternals brought about another debate that's easier to take because it's fictional, but it's also not so far from comprehension, either. the group of eternals all end up debating whether or not to allow the emergence to take place. on one hand, the entity that emerges from earth will go on to create countless planets and species, and so is it really okay to sacrifice all of that for One Planet?? but the other argument is one that compels the entire movie and drives the plot; ajak literally dies over her insistence that earth carries immense power as a result of the last twenty years, that the people are spirited and strong and deserve to continue the lives they fought so passionately to have all along. in the end, of course, earth survives. but the arguments resonate. the days of purple aliens wanting to kill half the universe are gone. and now we have these more complex matters to debate. i think civil war attempted to have a debate going on too, but it's something spectacular when you leave the theatre wondering if you even know if they did the right thing or not!

i feel like that one mightn't necessarily be a trope, but that's okay! i definitely have more favorites but my brain is just blue screening tonight! so yeah, i'm much more invested in character development as opposed to plots lately. like a lot of people can get very caught up about plots, but i think the characters are vastly more interesting!

god, i rambled quite a bit! thank you for asking this question, my lovely friend!! what are your favorite tropes??

bad hair-good hair, long hair-short hair

All my life I've wanted long hair. I've never been shamed into hating my hair length or anything, it just felt like the "prettiest" girls in my classes in elementary school had long, straightened hair. Hair that fell and rested upon their backs and waists, and god did I fucking want some.

There's this run on joke between my mother and I about my desperate need for a ponytail when I started the 3rd grade. My very black family decided to uproot themselves from the peachy state that is Georgia to the rainy depressing state that is Washington state. This caused an unknown issue my parent's didn't consider would happen to me, a culture shock of whiteness (mind you this culture shock is still under effect around 13 years later). I had never seen so many white people before, and I was obsessed with their best and most common hairstyle. The ponytail. With its sleek look and sporty nature, a buck toothed 8 year old Kenji wanted to have that hairy fashion statement atop my head. While on the other side of the story, my mother had no clue how to tell me my curly naps would never be able to just naturally slick down and straight for a simple ponytail. For a few weeks she would put my messy hair up into a puffball, but as soon as I saw her "ponytail" I would cry and cry, repeating how this is NOT the ponytail I was looking for.

I guess it's funny now, but it wasn't then. But it's funny to think how much something as trivial as that spiraled into a sort of self hatred I crafted for myself. I hated my hair for years. I wished it were longer, I wished it had a looser curl pattern and I just wished the hair on my head wouldn't be my own. My mother never allowed me to dye or relax my hair while living under her roof which made the entire hair hatred problem even worse as there was no way to escape the hate other than obtaining heat damage for a couple of years in middle school.

But as soon as I got into highschool, something changed. Seeing the same sleek and sporty ponytails whipping side to side as they ran to class just became boring. I had seen it so many times that even if I were to join the club, I would be one of the millions of members. Also during this time I began experimenting with my own hair. Creating different hairstyles for myself via braiding or funky up-do's with all my natural hair. And it was the first time in my entire life that I had ever felt so comfortable in my own skin. Being able to wear my big kinky afro amongst the sea of ponytails finally felt as normal as wearing a ponytail myself.

But after a while. I felt off. My hair was finally exactly where I wanted it to be. I had just grown into loving my hair for who she is instead of trying to make her someone else, until I realized how I was allowing my hair to dictate how other's felt about me. Everything was for others and not me. The validation I felt over the afro I wore wasn't about it being in its afro state, it was over it being the biggest afro. If I wore braids they had to be in for more months of the year than my natural hair could be out. So after some feeling of inadequacies over my hair, I watched video essay after video essay where I listened to multiple black women explain how shrinkage is beautiful, having long hair that hits your butt is not the end all be all and to just be happy with you. So I shaved all my hair off.

Since shaving my head, I have been constantly thinking about that little girl who wanted a ponytail. Now she really cant get a ponytail, and I think she likes it better this way.

OC Asks to prep for a horror or suspense scene

Part 1/?: How to show a reader that something is wrong subtly.

Please reblog, don't repost. Feel free to add on! These are just the ones I could think of at the time. They're mostly notes for myself, but they could help some other writer. Please don't borrow my OC- I'm using her in examples.

It's easy to create a frightening atmosphere through blood or seeing a body. It's a little more difficult to do it subtly (for me, anyway).

Option 1: Pattern Breaking- A tried and true method in creating suspense is creating a pattern- and breaking it. Think about it, how many times have you read in a book or seen in a TV show or movie something along the lines of character A always did this, every day- until X happened, or by showing character B enter the scene and realize something isn't done.

With that in mind, consider these questions, and examples:

Everyone, even someone 'random', has patterns. What are your OCs patterns? Do they always wash the dishes before they go to bed? Do they always set out the clothes they'll be wearing tomorrow?

Think of where the scene is: if character B has no reason to know what those patterns are in their home, consider having it in their place of work, or having character C, who lives with A, talk to character A about it.

How to tell or show it without being boring? Here are a few ideas usingthe dirty dishes example:

'Kat hated waking to a dirty kitchen. Somehow, it always brought down the rest of her day. So despite the party still going on next door, she headed home to scrub her dishes and put them up, except for the lone mug that remained next to the coffee machine for tomorrow. When Merry let himself in after several attempts to call her for missing work, the first thing he saw was the dirty plates in the sink. Something cold sank into his chest.' I personally like this more, but there are plenty of ways to show it!

'"Hey Pip, have you seen Kat today? I've been crashing at her place for the last week. I thought she just came in after I went to bed, but I'm a little worried." "No I haven't. Why? What's wrong?" "I know it's weird, but she's super obsessed with the dishes- she's got to have them done before bed, but they were dirty when I got up."' You can a

Option B: A few inches to the right. Stephen King once said that terror is "when you come home and notice everything you own had been taken away and replaced by an exact substitute." If you want your OC to have a more active role, consider this. It's another common trope, but very effective.

What is something your OC leaves right in one place and never moves? Think about it- in your own home, you most likely have photos, figurines, a signed instrument- something you don't move regularly. When it's moved by a friend, family member, or pet, something feels off to you. If it's something big, you may notice it immediately. If it's something small, it may take you a while, but it will get under your skin.

Example: 'When Kat walked in, she tossed her jacket on the couch and kicked off her shoes. She leaned over to put the shoes in her cubby, and the family photo on the coffee table caught her eye. Something about it made the hairs on the back of her neck stand up. It took a few minutes to realize- her coffee mug had been moved a few inches to the right. Merry and Pip were on vacation- so who moved her mug?' While you can show this via dialogue, I find it way more effective to show it rather than tell.

Consider telling the audience where your character put something before the scene; in this way, you can take a normal character trait like leaving a coffee mug on the table and make it into a Chekov's gun. Turn an ordinary coffee cup into an important coffee cup.

Option C: Scent and sound. Have you ever seen or read in a book, movie, or TV show, a line or two about how quiet it is? Too quiet? If you say no, I'm going to think you're lying. What about a smell? Have you caught a whiff of something like tobacco that makes you think of a friend or family member? It's very common. While moving something a few inches to the right is visual and easy to show, a strange scent or sound (or lack thereof) takes more work.

Take a minutes to consider the scents and sounds in your home, and your OC's. Do a little research on what animals and smells are common in the area. Best part is, this can be super easy if you don't overcomplicate it! What I mean about overcomplicating is 5 paragraphs about what your OC's ex who might be out to kill them smelled like. Or the same about common noises. To break it down:

Scents: don't tell, show. Don't tell me the chemical breakdown of a smell- you should be able to pick almost any smell and have the audience just as interested. Smell o tobacco or peppermint- doesn't matter, as long as you establish it as out of the norm. You can do this in 1 paragraph, I promise.

Sounds: normal sounds in one area can be abnormal in another. I have a friend in NYC, while I live in East Texas. If my friend in NYC hears people talking outside, that's probably just people in the stairwell or on the street, and nothing to worry about. If I hear people talking outside, I'm going to grab my knife because that is incredibly rare. Something that would sound off to *both* my friend and I would be silence. If she doesn't hear the trains moving, cars honking, and people talking, something is wrong. If I don't hear animals like goats, chickens, or bugs, something is wrong. It might take a little longer to establish sound, but it can generally be done in 1-2 paragraphs.

Smell example 1: Something off. 'When Kat opened the door to her apartment, she was immediately hit with the scent of tobacco smoke, lingering thick and heavy on the air. She grabbed her phone quickly and prepared to make a quick exit- she lived alone and didn't smoke.'

Smell example 2: Scent memory. 'When Kat opened the door to her apartment, she immediately noticed something off. There was- was that some sort of cologne? Unbidden, the memories of her father, always painted with the smells of booze, blood, and Armani for men cologne, assaulted her.'

Sound example 1: 'When Kat opened the door, she heard the coffee machine brewing on its automatic timer, the low murmur of her aquarium filter, and- nothing else. She frowned and immediately went to see what was wrong with the radio she left in her room for noise.'

Sound example 2: 'It took Kat a minute to realize something was wrong; the sounds of wildlife in the forest she'd become so used to were absent. No birds were calling, none of the now-familiar moose calls. Even the buzzing flies and mosquitoes were silent.'

Final (for now): We've went through patterns, visual, auditory, and olfactory cues. The last one for now is the Bad Vibe. Usually, a bad vibe is a combination of things. Using the previous examples, maybe Kat walks in and just feels something is off. In that case, the cup has been moved, and while she knows it subconsciously, her brain dismisses it in favor of moving onto the next thing, like the silent radio. Maybe one of those things she would consider a coincidence, like maybe she bumped the cup by mistake. But when the two combine, even if she isn't conscious of either, she's probably getting a bad vibe.

Day One 4/14/2024

I've decided to start reading a book called "101 Essays That Will Change the Way You Think" by Brianna West. I want to be 100% honest with myself as I do this. I need to.

"Subconscious Behaviors that are Keeping You from Having the Life You Want"

You believe that creating your best life is a matter of deciding what you want and then going after it, but in reality, you are psychologically incapable of being able to predict what will make you happy.

I guess I have never really thought about it that way. I don't know what will make me happy in the future. I can't predict it. There's way too many variables into what even will make me happy and if I'm really just recreating happiness from old memories, it won't be the same. Because I'll be different. It'll be different. How do I know I don't like being an electrician? I've never even done it before.

You extrapolate the present moment because you believe that success is somewhere you "arrive", so you are constantly trying to take a snapshot of your life and see if you can be happy yet.

Okay.. This one hurt a little. "... and no one single instance can summarize the whole." How many times have I talked to mom when I only focused on one thing? Or I think about my brother. His hyper-focus on making mucho dinero. "Accompolishing goals is not success. How much you expand in the process is." I want to grow and become the best person I can be. I need goals yes, but life is a lot more than that.

"The only thing you're rushing toward is death." Wow. How true is that and yet I don't think I've ever really thought of it in that way. Like, I know we all die. I know that we're all heading that way. But I never stopped to think about the idea that we're "rushing toward" it. But we are. The first to get married. The first to have kids. The first to be a billionaire. The first to... We're all trying to rush and get that degree. But don't we hear all the time, "Oh you can start over at 40, there's plenty of time to change." So why don't we take our time more often? I shouldn't have to feel rushed getting a degree or getting whatever. I'm heading towards death already. Do I really want to rush there?

You assume that when it comes to following your "gut instincts," happiness is "good" and fear and pain are "bad."

"When you consider doing something that you truly love and are invested in, you are going to feel an influx of fear and pain, mostly because it will involve being vulnerable."

How many nights since the abortion have I stayed up thinking about it? But more specifically, the action of having to tell someone. Why has that been haunting my mind? Because it scares the hell out of me to be honest with others and be honest with myself. To be vulnerable. I'm not going to go around and start talking about it, but I think it's still important to note the feelings and reasons behind the basis of the specific haunting. If I can recognize those feelings, I can start to heal them. Slowly but surely.

But that's not necessarily what this point is talking about. It's talking about doing something you love and being filled with fear. And I definitely wouldn't love telling people about my abortion. It was just a little side note.

"They are also indicators that you are doing something frightening and worthwhile."

What about the people who get stage fright and collapse? They aren't having bad feelings because plays are inherently bad. They have bad feelings because they are up on a huge stage, in front of an audience, and required to act and recite memorized lines. That's frightening. But it's also worthwhile to feel that rush. Sometimes it just because a little much, lol.

You needlessly create problems and crises in your life because you're afraid of actually living it.

"The pattern of unnecessarily creating crises in your life is actually an avoidance technique."

I do this on the DAILY! I say I can't do this because of x,y,z. That's not true. I could. I'm just too lazy to and I don't want to. That's ridiculous. I'm 25 years old. My apartment should be better. My finances should be better. My everything should be better. Why am I not doing it? Because I don't like making phone calls? Because I don't want to stay over at work? So what? If I had a better apartment, I could finally have friends over without feeling fucking embarrassed. "Oh, I've seen worse." Okay, cool. That doesn't mean that I shouldn't have a cleaner apartment. I am constantly making excuses. I always have. I try to find little reasons to justify things. I even do it for when I want to come back late from break. "Oh, I did the math wrong." I hate liars and I am one. How ironic.

You think that to change your beliefs, you have to adopt a new line of thinking, rather than seek experiences that make that thinking self-evident.

"A belief is what you know to be true because experience has made it evident to you." I don't really think I need to add to this. This summarizes it up perfectly.

You think "problems" are roadblocks to achieving what you want, when in reality they are pathways.

"It pushes you from your comfort zone, that's all." Coming upon problems can improve your way of thinking. It can help you see things with a different perspective. Isn't that why team work is usually good? Because of all the different perspectives.

You think your past defines you, and worse, you think that it is an unchangeable reality, when really, your perception of it changes as you do.

"... and what you choose is indicative of your present state of mind." This is so fucking true. When I'm having my really low -lows because of my PCOS, my brain rails on me and says some of the absolute most terrible things. My brain brings up my father, and my childhood, and Rowan, and Jake, and the abortion, and Jess, and work, and Reece, and every little thing that anyone has ever said to me. But when I am normal and my hormones aren't fucking crazy, I want to make coffee in the morning and have a good lunch. I want to get high and read a book. I want to get better.

It's crazy how much this little meat sack in our brain effects us. It's crazy. I try my best when I'm in my low-lows that it's just my brain and I don't really have as bad a life as my brain is trying to make me believe. It's so hard sometimes...

You try to change other people, situations, and things (or you just complain/get upset about them) when anger = self-recognition. Most negative emotional reactions are you identifying a disassociated aspect of yourself.

The last two sentences sum this up perfectly.

"The things you love about others are the things you love about yourself. The things you hate about others are the things you cannot see in yourself."

I need to start looking at the reasons that I'm mad at people and need to start asking myself if it's because I am that way too. Of course, there's going to be mad and angry just because of them and nothing to do with you. But how many times have I convinced myself that that was the reason I was mad at someone when in reality, that wasn't true?

I really hope this book helps me. I hope it helps me think stronger and better. I hope it helps me heal from everything in my life. Okay, maybe not everything. That's a little exaggerative. I just want something that will help me to continue to get better. A few years ago I would've never picked up a self-help ish type book. Now? I'm so excited. I want to read one a day and do a little note thing. And then I want to go back and read all of them and see if I've grown. I hope I just grow, even a little bit.

Here's to day one. Helping me change my perspective, not rush towards death, and trying to look at myself closer.