#but also because my health is bad but my brother's is worse and i just watched something terrifying happen to him | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

Visit Blog

Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.

Fun Fact

Mobile Tumblr US users spend an average of 4.04 minutes per session on the app.

#but also because my health is bad but my brother's is worse and i just watched something terrifying happen to him

seravphs · 10 months

Text

ੈ♡˳·˖✶ — MIYA ATSUMU x FEM READER

Being hot at the grocery store should be illegal.

wc — 800

tags — grocery store meet cute, set in the same universe as the way to the heart is through the stomach

“There is an attractive man on the other side of the grocery aisle,” you hiss at Kiyoko. Your roommate had dragged you out for a grocery run, but as the person who forced you out of the comfort of your home, she could stand to be a little nicer to you.

Instead, she raises an eyebrow; her face conveying utter disdain, confusion, and slight pity at all once. It’s a little impressive, honestly.

She peeks between the cracks in the shelves. Looks at you. Looks at the man. Looks at you again. She makes a motion that could be what are you waiting for or let the grandma pass so she can get her multivitamins.

Sometimes it’s complicated when it comes to Kiyoko. She’s not great at talking without words. It’s because she’s spoiled. Must be nice to have a boyfriend who loves you so fully you don’t have to try to be understood, you think with a hint of jealousy.

Then, she pushes you towards the other aisle in a gesture that’s unmistakable.

“Kiyoko!” You’re appalled. “You’re not making me go over there. I’m wearing my pajamas!”

Your pajamas are grey sweats with multiple suspicious stains from ketchup or blood or some other substance. You’re not sure. That’s why it’s suspicious.

“Okay? He looks worse,” she says. Notably, she doesn’t tell you that you look fine.

She probably thinks that’s reassuring. It’s not.

The fact that he’s also in his pajamas and still looks hot is infuriating.

And very sexy.

Terribly so.

“Just go talk to him,” she says. “You know if you don’t you’ll be thinking about him for days, anyway.”

“I will not!”

“Excuse me,” says the hot stranger, who in the time that you spent arguing with Kiyoko, has suddenly moved behind you. “Do ya mind?”

He’s gesturing at the package of cereal behind you.

You freeze. How did he move so quietly? And had he heard the conversation between you two?

“Hello?” He waves his hand in your face - a little rudely. That deducts one point from his overall hotness score. You scramble away, giving him access to the shelf.

“This is my favorite brand,” he says conversationally, “but my brother got a girlfriend lately, and every time she comes to our apartment she eats all of mine. I’ve told her not to like six million times! And he’s a chef! Why are ya even eatin’ processed junk if ya can get yer professional chef of a boyfriend to make ya whatever ya want? He’s so whipped, I swear.”

“Aren’t- aren’t you also eating processed junk, then?” You say with trepidation.

He brushes you off with a “No, that’s different.”

He’s…a little weird. Who just talks to a stranger like that? You have to admit that confidence is attractive - even if you’re not sure if it’s confidence or narcissism as he continues.

“So, like. Are ya going to ask me out or what?”

You choke on your own spit. He had overheard. There would be no better time for one of these shelves to fall on you and crush you instantly.

“Woah!” Says the hot stranger, who still hasn’t told you his name before commanding you to ask him out. “Ya okay?”

He slaps your back as you wheeze for breath - hard. Is he an athlete in his spare time? How does anyone have that kind of arm strength?

“I-“ You shut your mouth because actually, you don’t know what to say. How do you respond to that?

“Come on,” says Mr. Bad Bleach Job. “I heard ya and yer little friend talking about me all the way down the aisle. I know you want in on this sexy ass.”

He’s ridiculous. Are you - are you into that? You’re seriously reevaluating your mental health even as you say, almost to your own surprise, “Can I take you on a date?”

He wrinkles his nose. “I dunno. Can ya make it a little more romantic?”

“Why don’t you ask me out if you’re going to be so demanding?” You challenge.

“Sure,” he says easily. “Wanna go out? We can get fancy sushi for fun and eat McDonald’s after cause that’s real food.”

Even you can’t tell if the noise that escapes you is a laugh or a sigh. What have you gotten yourself into?

“Whatever,” you say, handing him your phone. “I think mine was better.”

“They both kind of sucked. 5/10 for execution, -2 for sheer cringe, -3 for awkwardness.”

“Kiyoko, read the room.”

#sera writes #miya atsumu x reader #atsumu x reader #miya atsumu fluff #haikyuu fluff #haikyuu x reader #hq x reader #hq fluff

1K notes · View notes

firesnap · 3 months

Text

Rambling about bad c!Crime takes in 2024.

I think the struggle with being a c!Crime fan during peak DSMP was having to deal with the people who would unironically use "vilbur" like it was a badge of honor and the ones who legitimately thought c!Tommy was 8-years-old at the beginning of L'Manberg.

Like, I don't need to rehash a lot of this. A hundred meta essays were about how Tommy was not responsible for Wilbur's mental health, that he was a front row audience member watching Wilbur's decline and begging people to intercede because he was a damn teenager with zero tools in his kit for "help my brother is frightening me and he's ten feet from me but I think I've lost him in this cave."

But you can still see people go "Ok Tommy helped make Wilbur worse."

No. Just no Tommy's worst behaviors didn't impact Wilbur because Wilbur was so far into his own spiral at that point that it just didn't even phase him if Tommy called him insane. You can't put that on Tommy. When Wilbur came back he even said he could recognize the man he was back then was frightening and beyond what Tommy should have had to see.

But, saying Wilbur acted on violent delusions on Tommy or emotionally abused him or isolated Tommy on purpose... Girl this isn't exile arc and you're not getting c!Crime.

Wilbur and Tommy at their best were moments were like... Tommy with a shield in front of Wilbur, Wilbur with a hand on Tommy's shoulder saying to be better than Wilbur ever was, Tommy and Wilbur running through a small nation and dancing on beaches and laughing at how fucking much the other one sucked with every bit of affection in the world tied behind those words. It was a loop of I'd die for you, I'd die for anything but especially you and Who the fuck ever asked you to die??

At their worst they were a negative feedback loop that fed each other. Tommy was possessive of Wilbur, from even the early L'Manberg days, to the point where Wilbur often neglected other relationships to give Tommy attention. He was angry at Wilbur for falling off the pedestal that Tommy put him on. Wilbur was just as dependent on Tommy being always behind him and took advantage of the fact that Tommy wouldn't leave. He dumped his own fears and paranoia and self-hatred at Tommy's feet and then assumed that this person younger than him could sort through it.

And if you can't handle hearing how they fed the worst parts of each other, then maybe you aren't really here for that dynamic. Maybe you've made something else up in your head that you like more. And that's fine, man. Do whatever the server is gone. Just don't act like your personal version is what canon gave us.

Also, something something it's totally fine to dislike Wilbur's finale btw, but as imperfect as the execution was, it was right on board with what they were telling us about c!Crime from right when Wilbur was revived to Wilbur telling Ranboo that, essentially, Tommy would never leave him and Wilbur knew that wasn't healthy. They needed to break the cycle to save themselves and whatever brotherhood was between them.

They were about acknowledging they were tied to each other in fucked up and unhealthy ways, but needing that sense of brother so much that they were both afraid to do anything about it.

261 notes · View notes

beenbaanbuun · 2 months

Text

seventeen maknae line’s reaction to their youngest member not taking care of themselves

genre - fluff

warnings - talk about unhealthy eating habits, diet culture, sleep problems

lee seokmin

would anyone be surprised if i say that dk would be on you like a fucking rash if he notices a single thing out of the ordinary with you

like even if it’s just you being forgetful, this absolute angel of a man will 100% take the time and effort to seek you and and check on you

so when you sleep through your alarm and forget breakfast one morning, it’s no surprise when you wake up to seokmin’s face

“are you feeling alright?” he asks, voice gentle as he studies your sleepy face, “you missed breakfast…”

and of course you nod, because you’re feeling fine, but it doesn’t stop him from being concerned

“late night,” you reply as you sit up on your bed and rub your face, “must’ve just slept through my alarm, minnie.”

you say it to calm him down and stop him from worrying, but you only make it worse

“late night?” he sits down on your bed and grabs your hand, “couldn’t you sleep? is something on your mind? do i need to talk to someone for you?”

and you can’t help but laugh because trust seokmin to blow it out of proportion

you just lean into him and hug him as you tell him how grateful you are to have someone who cares so much

“i’m fine though, minnie,” you squeeze him, “i just needed to beat wonwoo’s high score in mario kart…”

kim mingyu

he’s someone i can see accidentally taking care of you

like he hasn’t even noticed the fact that you’ve started to be a little too strict with your diet and yet somehow he’s managing to make sure you’re eating enough

like i can see him cooking a meal and without even realising you haven’t eaten yet, he calls you over to try it

and the big baby blows on it and feeds it to you like to overly attentive friend/self-claimed big brother that he is

“open wide, kiddo,” he grins as you follow his instructions, “here comes the aeroplane!”

he only narrowly dodges the kick you aim at his shins…

and you have to admit that the food is good, and even if you don’t necessarily want to eat, you’re in a difficult situation

you can’t say it’s bad and deny it because then you’ll upset him, but you also can’t say it’s good and deny it because then he’ll make you take it anyway

best thing for you to do is just accept the food and move on

you promise you’ll try harder with your diet tomorrow

but as you walk away with the bowl of food, you know you won’t be able to - not with mingyu around

xu minghao

i mentioned minghao briefly in the hyung line one and i stand by what i said

this man monitors your diet like a hawk!!

not in a weird ‘you shouldn’t eat too much’ sort of way, but he likes to make sure you’re treating your body kindly

like he watches that you’re not eating too much of a bad thing, but he also likes to check that you’re not eating too little

literally follows you around with a piece of fruit in his bag for when you inevitably complain about being hungry

“oranges are a great source of vitamin c,” he says when he sees you pout at the fruit, “and i know you don’t get enough of that. now eat up!”

and if he sees you even eyeing up an energy drink, you best prepare yourself for the lecture of your life

“do you know how much caffeine is in one of these?” he hold the half drunk can in your face, “too much! if you’re tired, sleep more. god knows you need it…”

little do you know, he monitors your sleep too…

drags you out to do meditation with him if he sees that you’re up too late, knowing that by the time he’s finished you’ll be completely knocked out

he’ll complain about having to drag your tired body to bed yet again, but you can’t see the smile he wears as he tucks you in and wishes you a good night

boo seungkwan

i can see seungkwan as being very overly-attentive to your mental health more than anything else

like sure, he wants to make sure you’re taking care of your physical health too, but he knows that if you’re not there’s probably a deeper reason

so when he sees you arrive at practice one morning with deep eye bags and a frown, he is all over you in minutes

“bad sleep?” he asks as he ruffles your hair. you shrug, but he doesn’t mind. you don’t have to agree for him to know that he’s right, “want to talk about it?”

you sigh, knowing there’s no way of escaping his line of questioning

“i thought it was about time i went on a diet,” you say simply as you drop your bag in the corner, “i was up late researching what diet would be best.”

he scoffs and rolls his eyes, clearly dismayed with your words

“and why do you think you need to diet?” he says with a stern look on his face and you realise you’re not going to get out of this easily

all you can do is explain your thought process, and while he listens to every word you say, it’s obvious he’s more than upset

“if you want to do this, i cant stop you,” he says when you’re finished, “but i want you to do it for the right reasons, and i want you to do it healthily.”

chwe hansol

i think vernon would take care of you a lot, but you might not always notice since he does it silently

like this man will not express his worries about you not looking after yourself, he’ll just try his hardest to solve it

you’re not eating enough? he makes sure to put more meat on your plate during meal times

you’re not sleeping enough? he puts some melatonin gummies on your nightstand

you’re not drinking enough? you’re the first person he seeks out during breaks to offer a bottle of water to

it might take you a while to notice just how much he’s taking care of you at first, but when you do you always go out of your way to thank him

but you take a leaf out of his own book, and do it a little differently

“someone gave me some melatonin,” you say to seungcheol, but just loud enough that vernon can hear, “it helped so much! like, whoever it was is a hero.”

your eyes keep flickering over to vernon the whole time you’re talking, just so he knows that you know it’s him

and sure, he doesn’t do it for the praise, but he can’t deny it’s nice when you’re hyping him up anonymously to the other members

lee chan

this man will be your partner in crime and i guarantee he can and will absolutely use that against you if he needs to

like he insists on you two doing everything together and if you say you’re not doing anything? well neither is he!

and of course, when chan says he’s not going to eat dinner because you’re not, you feel so incredibly guilty that you decide that you decide maybe you shouldn’t skip the meal

“if you’re not hungry, then i’m not hungry!” he folds his arms and stares you down

“chan, that’s not how it works,” you scoff as you scan over some lyric sheets you’d been tasked to memorise, “if you’re hungry, go eat.”

he shakes his head and stays glued to his chair with a smirk

“we do everything together,” he says, “and if you’re being irresponsible and skipping meals, then we’ll do that together too!”

and whilst his logic makes no sense, you know he means it

so of course you push your work to the side and follow him out of the room to get dinner together

and when you’re up too late working too hard, chan is right by your side throughout the whole thing, refusing to sleep until you do

and it’s frustrating because you want to take care of chan just as much as he wants to take care of you

so you eat all your meals, and sleep a healthy amount, and drink as much water as you can and it’s annoying, but if it’s keeping chan healthy then you’re happy

#seventeen fanfic #seventeen fluff #seventeen oneshots #seventeen x reader #seventeen reactions #seventeen 14th member #seventeen addition #seventeen added member

239 notes · View notes

am-i-the-asshole-official · 8 months

Note

AITA for making my family eat my mother's terrible cooking?

I (32NB) currently live with my father (70M), mother (68F), and brother (36M). My brother is disabled and requires at least one full time caretaker. Up until recently, this was me. First, my mom and I were sharing the duty, but then my grandmother got sick and my mom left, leaving me working, going to school, and taking care of the house and my brother by myself most of the time. It's worth noting I'm also disabled (physically and mentally), I just lived on my own from 16-27 so I got used to dealing.

Now my father has moved in with us and is taking care of my brother which is a huge relief. My grandmother died and my mother is back and helping as well! As a result, and out of the severe damage all the previous work did to me physically and mentally, I have removed myself ENTIRELY from caretaking from my brother. I don't do SHIT anymore. I will occasionally make him a sandwich or something if I feel up to it. So this is where the assholery might come in.

My mom… cannot cook. She is terrible. I mean it. Whatever you're imagining: worse. I regularly impress one of my friends (just the one, I don't want to bad mouth her excessively) with tales of her horrifying abominations. Yesterday she cooked tilapia in MELTED. LIME. POPSICLES. because she thought it would give it a citrus flavor. She did not use other seasoning (no not even salt). We have lime and lemon juice in the fridge!!!

I used to cook at least half of the meals, and often would help mom with dinner when it wasn't something boxed, to avoid such… creativity (and because half the time when she cooked I couldn't stomach it). But now due to health issues (caused by illness caused by overworking), I'm buying my own food and cooking all my own meals regardless, so I have fully stopped cooking for the family because I can't eat what they eat and we can't afford to all eat what I eat. I am subjecting my poor family to lime popsicle tilapia. We are wasting food because she ruins it and then no one will eat it, at a time when eggs are like $8 a dozen. My dad cooks when mom's not here (he's GOOD) but when she is, he lets her.

AITA? Should I bite the bullet and start cooking for everyone again?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole #anon is your mom the white lady with the marble countertops who makes all that unhinged short form food content

442 notes · View notes

peachdues · 10 months

Text

Seasons in Love (modern college AU: Part 1/2)

Sanemi meets Y/N in January and isn't a fan. As the seasons pass by, their evolving relationship becomes defined by a handful snapshots from the various holidays throughout the year.

A/N: part 1/2 of my college-AU fic to fulfill @shiverisms request for tooth-rotting Sanemi fluff. Part 1 covers January, the Spring and Summer festivals, Halloween and the week leading into finals in December. Part 2 will cover Christmas Eve and New Year's Eve. This is unlike anything I’ve really written before, so sorry if it drags!!

CW: swearing, some suggestive stuff but nothing too bad. College-typical drinking and debauchery.

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

January 2nd – first day of the spring semester

Sanemi Shinazugawa hated many things. He hated the cold, because wearing too many layers made him feel like he was suffocating. He hated when the store was out of his favorite brand of dried seaweed. He hated whenever he saw that asshole, Douma, simpering his way across campus with a gaggle of unwitting freshmen trailing helplessly behind him.

But most of all, he hated change.

So, when Shinobu brought along a new face to their first family dinner of the new year, he’s not happy.

And initially, he felt vindicated by his reticence to welcome her as warmly into their friend group as some of the others, because, despite his friends’ kindness, she’d failed to even muster a grateful smile for her hosts.

Not once, during the entire affair, did the girl – Y/N -- so much as twitch her lips upwards; not when she met any of his friends, and certainly not at any of the jokes or fun they’d had.

It’s not that she’d been sullen and withdrawn — she’d participated in conversation just fine. But that bland stoicism on her face had really gotten under his skin, because it reminds him of Giyuu, and they’ve already got one of those.

Sanemi told Shinobu as much later that night as he kicked back in her worn, mismatched kitchen chair while the pharmacology student idly flipped through her biochemistry textbook.

“I’ll ignore the dig at Giyuu for now,” Shinobu said lightly, though her eyes flickered briefly up to his in warning, “but I would think you of all people would have a bit of compassion toward her, Sanemi.”

Sanemi reached out to snatch an apple from the little fruit bowl that Shinobu has on her kitchen table, taking a crude chomp out of it. “Why?” He asked, voice garbled by his thick mouthful.

Shinobu shot him a fleeting look of disgust at his lack of etiquette. “Do you remember that girl I was paired with in my mental health law seminar last semester? The one who dropped out of our final project last minute?”

Sanemi swallowed his mouthful of apple. “Yeah. You were pissed.”

And she had been. Shinobu had been stuck with doing the other half of an entire presentation just two days before it was due, and it had been on statutory interpretation which had not been Shinobu’s strongest area.

Shinobu’s scowled. “That’s because I didn’t know the reason,” she reached for a highlighter to mark text on the page open before her.

“Her little brother died. Cancer. He was only eleven.”

In one breath, all his prior irritation with the girl’s presence is extinguished within him.

Now, Sanemi felt like an asshole.

Because if anyone understood what it felt like to lose a loved one — especially one as young as eleven — it would’ve been him.

“Fuck,” Sanemi exhaled, apple falling to the table, forgotten. Absentmindedly, he reached his hand to rub at his chest, just over the jagged scar beneath his shirt that was one of the many souvenirs from the car wreck that had managed to kill everyone in his family but him.

That had been nine years ago — when Sanemi had barely been twelve.

He certainly hadn’t felt like smiling much after that, either. Truthfully, he’d probably be in far worse shape now had it not been for the people clustered in Shinobu’s and Mitsuri’s tiny apartment.

“She also got cheated on last semester,” Shinobu added after a moment.

Sanemi sighed heavily, feeling even worse. The poor girl had gone through what was arguably the worst semester, and he’d chapped her ass over not smiling.

“I didn’t know that — by who?” Tengen emerged from the adjacent living room, breezing by the table and into the kitchen to help himself to whatever was in the girls’ fridge.

Shinobu’s eyes hardened. “Douma,” her tone was poisonous.

Both Sanemi and Tengen groaned in unison.

“She deserves financial compensation for that one,” Sanemi muttered darkly, motioning for Tengen to toss him a beer. The sleazy, lazy, and arrogant student body President had earned the reputation of being a serial cheater around campus. Shinobu briefly had a fling with him their first year that she’d ended after only a few weeks, once it became all too clear that he was a master manipulator.

And, as Shinobu had referred to him, an utter man-whore.

Tengen padded out from the kitchen, beers in hand. “That explains why she doesn’t really have a friend group anymore, then.” He quipped, handing the extra beer to Sanemi before plopping down next to him at the table.

Shinobu hummed in agreement, hand seamlessly moving across the glossy page of her textbook as she made a small, precise note. “You know how Douma is — first he fucks you, and then he fucks you.”

Sanemi snorted, shaking his head. “So that’s why you feel so protective of her, huh?” He nudged her with his elbow. “You know what she’s going through.”

Shinobu shrugged him off. “Maybe; but so do you.” She said pointedly, hand flipping her textbook shut. “So maybe just try to be nice?”

“When the fuck am I not nice?” Sanemi demanded indignantly, and Shinobu shot him such a pitiful look that he felt his cheeks heat.

Tengen just laughed. “I think the real question is when are you ever?”

Sanemi glared at his loud-mouthed friend, but before he could respond with a snappy retort, Shinobu spoke.

“I’m not saying you have to be a saint, but I want Y/N to feel like she at least has some support here,” her tone was light but it carried that signature soft threat she used whenever she meant business. “so promise me you’ll at least try to get to know her.”

Sanemi groaned but acquiesced. “All right, all right,” he’d muttered, reaching back for his earlier-discarded apple. “I promise.”

------------------------------------------------------

March 23rd – Spring Festival

As winter melted way into spring and the cherry blossom buds had begun to bloom, so did Sanemi’s friendship with Y/N.

He promised Shinobu that he would try to make the girl feel part of their group, and Sanemi is a man true to his word – but in retrospect, he hadn’t expected it to be this easy to become friends with her.

It started when they realized they shared three out of their four classes together. Sanemi walked into his first seminar at the crack-ass of eight in the morning on the first day of spring classes when he’d spotted her sitting in the second row from the front. Sanemi didn’t like most of the other people in his class, so sitting beside her had seemed like a no-brainer.

It had been the best decision he could have made. Y/N was smart as a whip, and often went toe-to-toe with the self-professed “devil’s advocates” during class discussions, managing to weave in Shakespearean insults while simultaneously ripping apart their inane arguments.

Soon, they began to meet up for study sessions at Mitsuri and Shinobu’s apartment, as Y/N had also become incredibly close with the two girls. Sanemi began to find himself at the girls’ apartment far more than he was at his own. In March, he discovered they had precisely the same tastes in music; within a day she had sent him several specially-curated playlists that featured bands similar to his favorite artists.

By the end of March, Y/N had announced her plan to move in with Mitsuri and Shinobu.

It wouldn’t happen until the end of the semester, when Y/N’s solitary lease ended, but she’d planned to move in right before she spent a month at home with her family – which also marked the first time she’d return home since her brother had died.

Sanemi wasn’t surprised at how quickly Y/N had bonded with his other female friends; she had a sharp, dry wit that matched perfectly with Shinobu’s lofty, passive-aggressive attitude, yet also seemed to find delight in spending time with Mitsuri, with whom she’d rapidly become attached to at the hip. Part of Sanemi had hoped that her friendship with the two women would lighten the shadows that crossed her face every so often, and that maybe she would finally crack a smile.

It wasn’t as if Y/N wasn’t expressive – she was, particularly around her eyes. More often than not, she was scowling at him or rolling her eyes at his barbs, but there had been a few occasions when he’d thought that he’d caught something softer as she looked at him. Other times, he saw an amused twinkle in her eye whenever Mitsuri challenged Tengen to an arm-wrestling contest, as though she were on the precipice of laughter, though none ever came.

Shinobu had suggested Y/N’s failure to smile was just a way of her processing her trauma and grief, and that she was doing everything she could to cope. Sanemi had not yet broached the subject with Y/N, not wanting her to feel compelled to open up wounds she was trying so hard to stitch together, but he worried that she wasn’t getting the support she needed.

Near the end of the semester, Y/N had become slightly more irritable, constantly jiggling a foot whenever she sat down, or wringing her hands in her lap whenever she was in deep thought.

Sanemi had agreed to study with her for their last final, but was on his last nerve as she continuously clicked her pen, each press of her thumb against the cap harder than the last.

“You have to stop.” He finally snapped, throwing his own pen down on his notebook before him to glare at her. “I can’t hear myself think.”

Y/N’s eyes widened in surprise at his outburst before lowering, her arms folding insecurely in front of her chest.

“Sorry,” she murmured, her foot beginning to twitch beneath the table.

Sanemi sighed and slammed his book shut, folding his hands under his chin as he braced his elbows on the table. “All right, out with it; what’s got ya all bent out of shape?”

Y/N didn’t meet his eyes, instead toying idly with the ends of her hair. “I don’t know what you mean.”

Sanemi rolled his eyes and huffed. “You’ve been squirming nonstop for the last two weeks, and it’s only gotten worse,” he nodded pointedly at the way she kept twisting and untwisting a lock of her dark, silky hair around her index finger. “Somethin’s bothering you.”

Y/N remained quiet for a moment, but contemplative, weighing out the risks and the rewards of opening up to the scowling man sitting across from her.

“I haven’t been home since – since he died,” She began, shifting slightly in her seat. “And I’ve felt really closed off from my parents ever since the funeral. We haven’t talked much at all.” She bit her lip, staring intently at the wooden grain of the table. “I guess I’m just anxious about going back.”

Sanemi clicked his tongue. “I gotta say, I don’t envy you right now,”

“Thanks.” Y/N interjected coolly, but Sanemi held a hand up to quiet her.

“I mean, that car wreck just killed my whole family, so I didn’t have to deal with anyone else’s grief but my own,” Sanemi continued, and Y/N fell silent. “I can’t imagine having to deal with someone else’s.”

Y/N’s hand had fallen from her hair to the table, and it twitched toward him. She hestitated for a moment before finally reaching over and placing her small hand on Sanemi’s broad, scarred forearm.

“Sanemi, I had no idea,” she said, softly. “I’m so sorry.”

Sanemi surprised himself by not immediately shrugging off her touch, but he found it hard to meet her eyes. Most people looked at him with pity, and he’d long since lost the ability to stomach it.

Y/N slowly pulled her hand back from his arm, moving to wipe furiously at her eyes.

“Ah hell, I didn’t mean to make ya cry-“ Sanemi said, cursing himself for trudging up what had to be painful memories.

She shook her head furiously. “No, it’s not that,” she batted the tears from her eyes before meeting his gaze head-on. “I’ve just felt so…alone these last few months. Like I was drowning in my grief.”

Sanemi felt something within him stir at the intensity of her stare, something warm and comforting spreading through his chest. “But you’re not,” he said with equal quiet, offering her a small smile. “It’s the worst club to be a part of – the dead family club – but it’s nice knowin’ someone else in it.”

Y/N nodded, and Sanemi could swear he saw something like a ghost of a smile on her face, but it was gone as soon as it came.

“If things at home get too hard to deal with this summer,” Sanemi said after a pause, “just call me. Any time.”

And damn him if he didn’t feel like he could soar at the look of hope in her eyes.

--------------------------------------------------------

July 15th – Mid-Summer Festival

Summer had passed by slowly and lazy in the blazing heat.

Sanemi had spent the majority of their break at the Rengoku family lakehouse, working alongside his best friend as a lifeguard at the local swim club. When he wasn’t shouting at kids for being walking lawsuits as they ran alongside the pool and drinking cheap beer with Kyojuro, he had been texting Y/N – outside of their active group chat.

It was insane to him that she’d become as close with him as he was to Kyojuro. Sanemi had found her so easy to talk to, even over the phone, and eagerly checked for her messages the moment he awoke and the moment before he fell asleep. Once or twice, Kyojuro had even grumbled that Sanemi rarely texted the group chat back but seemed to have no trouble responding to one of Y/N’s many memes or song recommendations.

But now, the whole gang had reunited for a holiday weekend at the Rengoku lakehouse to celebrate the mid-summer festival with a cookout and fireworks.

Translation: they’d all come to get absolutely plastered while enjoying some fun in the picturesque water surrounding the generous estate.

It was day two of the festival weekend, and six of them were in the water, locked in a fierce battle of chicken. Y/N was perched on Sanemi’s shoulders as she wrestled Mitsuri, who was close to strangling a sputtering Kyojuro with her thighs as she desperately tried to remain upright. So far, he and Y/N had knocked out the other pair — Shinobu and Giyuu -- and were vying for the title of Chicken Champions.

Sanemi wouldn’t lie that he’d initially felt a bit smug over how Y/N had darted forward to grab his arm when Mitsuri announced the need to partner up. He’d thought it was because of his strength — he knew he was jacked, and he assumed that she had (correctly) concluded that she stood the best chance of winning if she climbed atop his shoulders.

“I won’t let you fall, princess.” He’d crooned, winking at her. She’d rolled her eyes at the use of his nickname for her, and he’d puffed his chest out, feeling a cocky sense of pride.

As it turned out, he’d been dead fucking wrong. Y/N hadn’t chosen him because he’d looked the strongest.

No. She’d chosen him because he was the only one she could get away with outright abusing in her ruthless play for the championship.

“Left, left, left!” She screeched, fingers snaring in his hair to wrench him harshly to the side, her heels digging sharply into his abdomen beneath the water as she desperately tried to steer him away from Mitsuri’s incoming flailing limbs.

Somehow, despite the searing pain in his scalp and the spray of lake water in his eyes, Sanemi had managed to follow her directions and the pair managed to narrowly avoid catastrophe. But Y/N wasn’t finished, as she tightened her shapely thighs around Sanemi’s neck to twist him back so she could lunge for the pinkette now unsteady atop of Kyojuro.

Sanemi had never been more grateful that the water covered him from the waist-down, as Y/N’s thighs clenched around his head once more as she shoved at her best friend with all her might.

Mitsuri had been too unbalanced to resist Y/N’s attack, and she finally toppled off Kyojuro’s shoulders and splashed into the water.

“Chicken Champs!” Tengen declared from the shoreline where he had been refereeing, more interested in working in a tan than he had been in getting in the water.

“I knew we’d win.” Y/N sniffed, tapping Sanemi’s head lightly. “I didn’t scalp you, did I?”

But Sanemi couldn’t answer because he was fighting a losing battle to conceal the growing bulge in his trunks, fearful that if any of his friends saw, they’d never let him live it down.

He’d known he was in trouble when she’d first emerged from the girls’ room in that tiny red bikini. For the last three hours, he’d been constantly reminding himself that she was his best friend and was therefore off-limits every time he’d caught his eyes lingering a second too long on her exposed skin and that he valued their friendship above all else.

But those rationalities were getting harder to remember the longer he felt her legs dangling over his chest, and his self-control was rapidly slipping.

So, upon Tengen declaring their victory, Sanemi did the only thing he could think of to escape his predicament— he slid his hands under her knees and dumped her into the water behind him, Y/N squeaking as she fell.

By the time Y/N’s head breached the surface of the lake, her eyes blazing and ready to fight, Sanemi had already been halfway back to the lake house, with nothing but a cold shower on his mind.

-------------------------------------------------------

Later that night, once everyone was thoroughly shit-faced and Kyojuro and Tengen were itching to light the fireworks, Y/N was nowhere to be found. Sanemi broke away from the group, heading towards the boat dock just down a grassy hill when he’d spotted her sitting on the edge of the pier. She was leaning against one of the posts, legs dangling into the water below as she gazed up at the brilliant expanse of stars twinkling in the night sky.

“It’s about time to watch a bunch of drunk assholes blow shit up.” He said, crouching down to sit beside her.

Y/N merely turned her head toward him before looking away again, remaining quiet. Her eyes were clouded and wistful as she peered up at the sky, her lower lip wobbling slightly.

In moments like these, Sanemi had learned the best thing he could do was stay silent. If she wanted to talk, she would, but sometimes, she just wanted him near.

The two were quiet for a moment, the only sounds being the slow lap of the lake water as it broke against the wooden pier, and the distant echoes of laughter as Kyo and Tengen drunkenly tried to set up the firework display.

“It’s been eight months since he died,” Y/N broke the silence, her voice soft. “And I hadn’t even realized. I was so swept up in having fun that I forgot about him for a moment.” She looked down at her lap, fingers twisting nervously together. “I must be awful.”

Sanemi shook his head, his hand itching to reach out and pat her back, to offer her comfort, but it remained still on the wood beneath him. “Nah. Not awful.” He lifts his gaze up to the stars twinkling above them, the mid-summer night sky resplendent with light. “It’s shitty to say, but sometimes you’ve gotta remember that you’re still livin’— even if they’re not.”

Y/N snorted, bringing a hand up to wipe at the tears that had begun to cling to her eyelashes. “That’s a harsh way of putting it.”

Sanemi grimaced, resenting how poor he could be with words. “I meant that he wouldn’t want you to keep yourself from living just because of him.” He ran his fingers through his hair. “What brought it on, anyways? I mean, what reminded you?”

Y/N leaned her head back against the worn post of the pier, chewing on her lower lip in thought. “I guess when Kyo mentioned it was almost time for fireworks. My brother loved the summer festivals, but he really loved the fireworks.” Y/N’s eyes slid shut momentarily as she reminisced, echoes of vibrant colors and the sounds of her brother’s laughter echoing in the corners of her mind. “He’d beg my parents to stay up past his bedtime to watch them. They used to tell him ‘No,’ but he kept sneaking out to watch them anyways. They eventually just gave in.”

Y/N paused, as she wove the connection between the memory in her head with the heaving feeling in her heart. “I guess that’s why I came down here.” She shrugged, as though to deflect the pain and loneliness that curled her shoulders forward, that still lurked in the shadows beneath her eyes. “Didn’t wanna drag the group down, you know?”

Sanemi looked back to Y/N, so beautiful beneath the starlight, so kind, and so very sad.

“I don’t think anyone would think you’re bein’ a drag,” Sanemi murmured. “But tell ya what — if you’re ever feeling down again while we’re all together, how about you give me a signal and we can dip out together ‘til you feel better?”

Y/N sniffed eyeing him incredulously. “A signal?”

Sanemi nodded. “Yeah, like — I dunno — a code word or something?”

Y/N pursed her lips as she looked back over the still water of the inky lake, considering.

“How about ‘chicken?’ In honor of our win today?” She said after a moment.

Sanemi grinned. “Perfect.”

The telling whizz and whirr of fireworks being launched into the sky cut Y/N off before she could reply. With a resounding boom! the night sky filled with bright streaks of red, white, pink, and yellow. Between the pulsing claps of the thunder of the fireworks, Y/N and Sanemi could hear the distant whoops and hollers of their friends.

Y/N’s eyes were locked on the dazzling display of fire and spark above them, a mixture of sadness and wonder glistening within them.

Later that night, just as Sanemi had been on the precipice of sleep, he’d realized he had not seen a single firework that his friends had launched in celebration of the summer festival.

Because while Y/N’s eyes had been fixed on the beautiful show of color in the night sky, Sanemi had not been able to look at anything else but her.

--------------------------------------------------------

October 31st -- Halloween

“Stop moving your face,” Y/N said exasperatedly to the scowling, white-haired man sitting before her. “You’re going to mess me up.”

Sanemi wanted to crack an eye to glare at her, but he feared she might stick one of her makeup brushes in his eye socket if he did. Instead, Sanemi clenched his jaw, fists balling in his lap.

“You’re taking for-fuckin’-ever,” he muttered, wincing slightly as Y/N dabbed a cold, gel-like substance against his cheek.

“I’m not the one who picked the most high-maintenance costume out of our entire group,” Y/N scoffs, pulling away from Sanemi to blend together a mixture of red, brown, and gray face paint to apply on the fake wound she has created along Sanemi’s sharp cheekbone. “I mean seriously, a wolf demon? Why not just go as a regular werewolf?”

It is Halloween and Sanemi regrets ever agreeing to a group costume theme.

It had all started when Shinobu, Mitsuri, and Y/N had come to their weekly family dinner a month prior with wicked gleams in their eyes. They had waited until everyone else had been seated before Shinobu announced that not only had she gotten all their names down on an invite list for an exclusive Halloween party at the Wisteria House the following month, but they would all be dressing up as part of a group theme.

Tengen, Kyojuro, and Gyomei had each expressed excitement while Giyuu, Obanai, and Sanemi had remained silent, though the latter only did so because he was too busy gaping at the girls, his mouth full of food.

“Tell me you three’ve already figured out the theme,” Tengen had said, his magenta eyes alight with excitement. “I want to be the flashiest group in that fucker.”

Mitsuri’s smile had only grown wider. “Mythical monsters - specifically demons!”

Sanemi’s groan had been cut off by a sharp kick under the table from Y/N, who was glowering at him threateningly. One look from her, and he’d known arguing would be pointless.

And that was how Sanemi had found himself now, on Halloween night, sitting stiffly on the worn-out ottoman in the girls’ apartment while Y/N smeared liquid latex across his cheeks to create the fake appearance of claw marks.

Mitsuri was on the other side of Y/N, painting fake slits on either side of Obanai’s mouth to give him a more snake-like appearance to suit his Snake Demon attire. The moment Sanemi had seen Y/N’s hands free up after she had put the finishing touches on Shinobu’s Butterfly Demon makeup, he’d nearly toppled over the coffee table to claim her before Kyojuro could sit down and occupy her time.

Truthfully, Sanemi had just wanted the chance to be near her. She was already decked out in her full Spider demon costume; her face painted a ghostly shade of white and accented by red circles meant to mimic the appearance of spider eyes. Sanemi, however, had miscalculated one crucial detail in his haste to be the only one of the men that she touched to do their makeup — how skimpy her costume would be.

Y/N was clad in a thin, white wrap dress that cut short just above her mid-thigh. The dress, though sleeved, also boasted a deep v-neck, and Sanemi was avidly trying to avoid staring at her exposed cleavage, which had also been painted and dusted with a shimmering powder. Her legs were bare, covered in the same glitter as the rest of her skin, and she was already teetering around in heels that Sanemi knew damn well would not stay on her feet longer than an hour.

In fairness, Y/N’s costume wasn’t nearly as skimpy as her pink-haired friend’s. Mitsuri insisted she was going as a cat demon, but Sanemi failed to see the correlation between the black unitard with the plunging neckline and anything remotely feline.

Y/N’s fingers brushed against his cheeks as she dabbed a mixture of paint to create the appearance of blood and Sanemi wills them not to heat under her touch. The task is nearly impossible, however, because he felt like he was being electrocuted every time she brushes against him. That feeling was only accentuated every time she moved to lean over him and pick up yet another beauty tool, the sweet honey of her perfume more intoxicating than the shots Tengen had made them pound earlier.

Sanemi was so lost in thought as he reveled beneath Y/N’s heavenly touch that he failed to notice her step back, eyes scrutinizing his face as she considered her handiwork. Sanemi cracked an eye open and watched her nod in satisfaction, finally dropping her makeup brushes on the side table.

“You’re done.�� She said, tapping his shoulder to motion him to stand. Y/N thrusted a tiny makeup mirror in his hand so he could inspect.

She’d turned his existing facial scars into fake, bloodied, fresh ones, but elongated them to give the appearance of claw marks. She added an additional vertical scar that extended from above his right eyebrow to nearly his cheek. All in all, Sanemi thought he looked -

“Scary!” Mitsuri exclaimed, eyes widening softly. “He’s sure on theme — he’ll terrify people!”

Y/N clicked her tongue in disagreement. “No, I don’t think he looks scary,” she tilted her head in thought, Sanemi feeling slightly embarrassed as the two girls continued to look him over.

“I think he looks…,” Y/N paused, her eyebrow quirking up suggestively as her eyes lit up, dancing with a challenge. “Feral.”

Sanemi grinned at her, purposefully bearing his teeth in an effort to look as wolf-like as possible.

Tengen came back into the living room from where he and Kyo were doing shots and winked at his silver-haired friend. “You’ll still be able to pick up girls looking like that, Shinazugawa.”

Sanemi doesn’t know why, but the comment irritated him, and he turned away from the group to hide his reddening face.

He doesn’t see the way Y/N’s eyebrows furrow at the comment.

--------------------------------------------------------

It was two in the morning, and they are all utterly inebriated.

The Wisteria House — an exclusive club that Shinobu had only been able to get them into because of her connections to one of its proprietors — had been pulsing with music and lights as throngs of costumed revelers had ground to the thunderous beat of the music.

The group of them had thrived beneath the black light of the club dance floor, getting drunk on endless rounds of shots and mixed drinks that kept flowing from the bar like a waterfall of spirits.

But now, it was after two in the fucking morning, and somehow Sanemi had been stuck with corralling not one, but two drunk assholes back into their apartment despite being intoxicated himself.

The two assholes in question were also arguably the biggest lightweights out of all their friends — Mitsuri and Y/N.

Six of them had agreed to call an Uber to take them all back home to their apartments, but Kyojuro had gotten the whole group kicked out after he’d thrown up all over the driver’s pristine leather seats.

The blonde had been nearly unconscious when Tengen and Giyuu dragged him out the side of the car, and neither of them could stand to haul their blacked-out friend back to the boys’ apartment by themselves. But someone had to stay back to walk the two drunk girls back to their apartment because none of them were stupid enough to risk letting the girls walk by themselves - which was how Sanemi found himself in the position of the official babysitter of the two, shit-faced girls who stumbled along the pavement next to him.

“Kanroji — no, god dammit, st-op tryin’ to run,” Sanemi growled, his words a little slurred as he lunged to grab onto the pinkette’s arm as she tried yet again to take off into the night, giggling about how she wanted to run and feel free.

Mitsuri began wailing because Sanemi is a big meanie, but she shuffled along beside him in resigned obedience. Sanemi bit down on the litany of curses threatening to spill from his lips as he whipped around to lay eyes on the other girl he’d been charged with escorting safely home.

Y/N was limping along, about ten feet behind her friends, her legs quivering from exhaustion thanks to those fucking heels she’d insisted on wearing. How she’d managed to remain upright and not snap both her ankles was a mystery to Sanemi, but right then, he was annoyed and wanted nothing more than to slump home and pass out in his own bed.

“Y/N!” He barked behind him, the girl’s face blearily looking up in alarm. “March!”

“‘Nemiiii,” she whined, stumbling slightly as her balance shook. “I can’t — hiccup — go any faster.”

Sanemi ground his teeth. “Try harder.”

Y/N managed to flip him off before stumbling again. “Mitsuri’s right, you are a meanie.”

Sanemi had had it; it was nearly three in the goddamn morning, and somehow the man with the least amount of patience had been stuck with the two drunkest shitheads in his circle of friends, and those shitheads were keeping him from embracing the sweet oblivion of drunken sleep.

So, he snapped.

Hand still wrapped firmly around Mitsuri’s forearm, he stomped back to Y/N, tugging his other friend helplessly along behind him. Standing before her, Sanemi crouched and turned to glare up at his swaying best friend.

“Climb on. I ain’t arguing.” He ordered, and to her credit, Y/N complied, looping her arms across Sanemi’s sternum and locking her legs around his waist. He thinks she would have put up more of a fight had her feet not been about to fall off.

“No fair! I wanna be carried!” Mitsuri whined, tugging at his arm.

Sanemi just trudged along, relief flooding him as the girls’ tiny apartment comes into view. “You know how to walk in heels, Kanroji. She doesn’t.” He jerked his head back to the half-unconscious girl clinging to his back.

By some miracle, Sanemi and the girls finally arrived at the apartment, and Mitsuri was at least coordinated enough to fumble for her key to unlock the front door.

Once inside, Sanemi kicked the door shut behind him, and Mitsuri broke free from his hold, half-sprinting into the kitchen to chug some water. Sanemi readjusted his grip on Y/N’s legs and moved towards her closed bedroom door, ready to dump her on her bed and go the fuck home.

“We made it!” Y/N’s sleepy voice murmured in his ear. Sanemi grunted in response, moving to deposit her on the soft down of her mattress when he felt her lurch forward on his back.

He was about to snap at her for being difficult when he felt the sloppy press of a soft pair of lips against his ear.

“Thanks, ‘Nemi.” Y/N said sleepily, falling off his back in an unceremonious heap on her bed. She sunk into the ridiculous array of pillows and blankets she insisted on piling onto her mattress.

Sanemi realized she’d been aiming for his cheek, but had missed in her drunken stupor. Nonetheless, his ear burned where her mouth had been, and he felt slightly hot under the collar of his flannel shirt.

“Drink some water so you’re not violently hungover tomorrow, idiot.” Was all he said as he moved to leave her room and finally, finally, return to his apartment.

“‘M-Kay. Love you.” Y/N slurred, and Sanemi froze. “Love my ‘Nemi. You’re my bestest friend in the world.”

Sanemi’s heart thumped wildly in his ears, though the slight lead of disappointment sunk in his gut. She loved him like a brother, of course — not as anything — as anything more than that.

Sanemi moved to exit the apartment, checking to ensure Kanroji hadn’t fallen asleep on her back, and pausing only to place a trash can next to where she was passed out on the couch. He softly closed the door behind him and began to make his way back to the apartment he shared with Kyojuro and Tengen.

Sanemi’s feet stumbled slightly on his journey as his mind reeled. His ear still burned from Y/N’s kiss, and her words echoed and clanged around in his head until he could hear nothing else.

Somehow, Sanemi ends up in his bed, sleep rapidly creeping up on him as his eyelids grow heavy. In his haze, he thought about how, despite being in a club surrounded by her friends and drunk off her ass, she’d still failed to smile even once.

As he drifted off, he thought about how empty and cold he felt now that he is no longer bearing Y/N’s warm weight on his back. Though he’d only been carrying her, she had felt indescribably good in his arms, and Sanemi cannot think of much he wouldn’t do to be touched by her again.

--------------------------------------------------------

December – one week before finals.

A snowstorm had blown through their city that afternoon.

Though, perhaps “snowstorm” was too light of a description; in a matter of hours, an outright blizzard had dumped nearly three feet of snow across town and had utterly and thoroughly fucked the roads. The university had no option but to cancel classes through at least the end of the week.

Sanemi had looked forward to a night in, preferably with some video games and maybe some of his boys. It had been a long, strenuous week; truthfully, he felt like killing some virtual monsters.

It seemed, however, that his friends had other ideas as to how to spend their newly-freed evening, and of course it involved doing the exact opposite of what Sanemi had hoped to do.

He’d been in the middle of frying an egg for dinner when his phone began vibrating. He’d ignored it at first, until it nearly buzzed itself off his counter, Sanemi having to jolt to catch it in his hand before it hit the cracked linoleum of his kitchen floor.

His phone was steadily buzzing with new messages in the group chat. Swearing slightly under his breath, Sanemi unlocked his phone and scrolled up to see the message that had prompted the flurry of reactions and enthusiastic agreements from his friends.

It had started with a message from Tengen.

Quad. 20 minutes. Snow ball fight.

Sanemi groaned and responded only to tell Tengen to fuck off. But then Y/N had replied that she and the girls were on their way, and she’d called him a baby bitch for sitting out, so he’d had no choice but to bundle up in his thickest flannel and sweater and head towards the quad.

By the time Sanemi trudged his way through the shin-deep wintry sludge, a full-on war was being waged on the campus green. Though it was nearly midnight, the snow illuminated the winter wonderland around them, and Sanemi could see all his friends and a few other straggling students engaged in a fierce battle.

He scanned the quad for a sign of Y/N and spied her about 20 feet away, swathed in a thick, wool coat and hat, crouched slightly behind a tree. Beside her was a small pile of densely packed snowballs, like a stockpiled winter arsenal.

“Ya know you’re supposed to throw the snowballs, right?” Sanemi chided, sidling up to where she stood, just off the snow-covered walk of the green. She had two snowballs clutched in her gloved hands, but her eyes were fixed on someone, her tongue darting out between her lips in concentration as she calculated her next move. “Like, actually throw ‘em at people.”

Y/N tore her eyes off whatever target she’d locked onto to give him a withering glare. “I’m trying, smart-ass, to figure out the best way to hit Gyomei in the face,” she turned away from him once more, resuming her careful assessment of the tallest target on the quad, who was busy pelting the back of Giyuu’s head with scary precision.

Sanemi’s grin turned wicked. “Kinda sadistic of you to target the blind guy, isn’t it?” He goaded, bending down to scoop up and a handful of snow for himself.

Y/N whipped around at him, eyes blazing. “He’s throwing snow chunks at people, you fuckhead, and all is fair in war-“

Y/N’s rant was cut off as a well-packed sphere of snow smashed into the side of her face. She dropped the snowballs she’d been holding, her hand jumping up to her cheek in shock, as the skin beneath it stung from the icy bite of the snow.

Sanemi let out a hearty laugh. Y/N stood there, mouth gaping and dark hair plastered to the wet of her cheek, an adorable mix of both shock and indignation on her face.

Behind him, Sanemi heard Mitsuri’s tinkling, mischievous laughter.

“Motherfucker,” Y/N breathed, staring after her roommate, her eyes lighting up with a promise of swift retribution.

“Oh come on,” Sanemi laughed again at her, open and deep. “You had it coming — that’s what you get for tryna hit the blind -“

An explosion of ice and water smacked into the side of his face, soaking his hair and the collar of his jacket.

Y/N whirled to see Obanai wink at her before he took off to join Mitsuri to guard her against the onslaught flying snowballs.

Y/N turned back to Sanemi and gasped.

Obanai had not just thrown a snowball packed from the generous coating of fresh, pristine powder that covered the green; rather, he’d made a small grenade, using snow and slush gathered from the side of the road.

Gray snow dripped from the side of Sanemi’s face, soiling his cheek, and staining the cream sweater he had on beneath his jacket. Sanemi was frozen in his surprise at being caught off guard until a small, unfamiliar sound snapped him out of it.

The source of the sound made his heart drop to his stomach.

It was Y/N, who was staring up at his soiled face, watching as the black snow slid down his cheek and dripped onto the ground below him.

And she was laughing. Laughing at him.

The sound that rattled from her chest was neither a snicker nor a snort; it was a raspy, raucous cackle. Her head was tipped back slightly, as she gawked up at him, her eyes crinkled with mirth as she vaguely gestured to the smear of gray on his cheek and dissolving into another fit of giggles.

Laughter subsiding slightly, Y/N stepped forward and swiped her hand through the sludge still gathered on Sanemi’s face in a poor attempt to wipe the gray stain away. She realized it was futile though and looked instead at her now-dirtied palm in slight distaste, wiping it against the black wool of her coat.

She peered back up at him and smiled, broad and radiant.

That exhilarating smile faded, however, as Sanemi stood there, motionless, his eyes wide and his mouth slightly parted, shocked into silence.

“Sanemi, what-“ Y/N started, a frown tugging at the corners of her mouth.

“Do it again,” Sanemi whispered, breathless. He’d not blinked or dared to do so in case he might miss it. “Smile again.”

Y/N’s eyebrows knit in confusion before softening. She’d not realized she’d even done it.

But Sanemi looked so awestruck, so desperate that she couldn’t deny him. So, she grinned broadly at him, cheeks almost burning after months of non-use, though she could not find it within herself to care.

Sanemi slowly returned the smile, pure joy illuminating his features. And they both began to laugh, without restraint, even as snowballs continued to whizz by them.

By the time the snowball fight had ended, Sanemi was soaked to the bone.

Admittedly, he hadn’t been paying attention to the slushy projectiles that had been lobbed with precision by the carefree college students who had gathered on the quad. His attention had been exclusively on Y/N as she pranced and ducked through the snow, smiling and laughing with abandon.

She’d been exquisite to watch.

One by one, his other friends had caught notice, had pricked their ears at the sound of an unfamiliar laugh that rang through the campus green, and turned to identify the source. As they watched Y/N run and duck and throw with that broad grin on her face, they too, had fallen still, their eyes going soft as they realized the enormity of the moment.

Because when Y/N smiled, she was a completely different person.

She looked bright, carefree, and more radiant than the sun. The resplendence of her smile made the snow look ugly and dull in comparison.

Mitsuri had watched her best friend with tears in her eyes, and Shinobu had looked close to joining her.

All the while, Sanemi had been unable to tear his eyes from her, and the warmth that he felt spread through his numb fingers and cheeks made him swear that he would do anything, anything at all, to make Y/N smile again.

—————————————————————————

Sanemi felt as though he was levitating even after he dropped Y/N off back at her apartment. He may as well have been floating on a cloud as he made his way down the hallway of the dimly lit hallway of the girls’ apartment complex, because he’d finally seen Y/N smile, had seen her laugh, and it was goddamned glorious.

Mitsuri emerged from the hall stairwell, cheeks pink and eyes bright from the evening of fun in the cold. She giggled as she saw the gray stain still on Sanemi’s face from the sludge ball he took.

“I would say ‘sorry,’ but honestly, it was pretty funny,” Mitsuri teased, nodding at his disheveled appearance. Sanemi snorted, but he couldn’t feign annoyance or irritation because he felt so damn good.

“Tell your boyfriend to watch out tonight, or else he might find his bed outside.”

Mitsuri giggled again, but then fell quiet, something more serious crossing her face.

“When are you going to tell her you’re in love with her?” She asked, her voice low.

Just like that, Sanemi felt as though a bucket of ice water had been thrown over him, as though he was crashing right back down to earth under the weight of the accusation she wanted him to answer for.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said gruffly, averting his gaze so he did not have to meet Mitsuri’s knowing stare.

Sanemi knew Mitsuri could see right through his bullshit — could tell by the way she huffed at him and could see it out of his periphery in how her head was cocked at him. He looked back at her and nearly recoiled at the vast pity swimming in her jade eyes.

“Fuck, Mitsuri,” he groaned, leaning against the hall wall and letting his head fall back against it with a thud. He ran a hand over his exhausted face, and slightly resented the fact his friend had always been so discerning in the affairs of the heart.

“I can’t put that kind of pressure on her,” Sanemi admitted quietly after a long moment, arm falling back down to his side, limp.

Mitsuri had been right, of course, he was in love with Y/N. He’d suspected it for a while, but seeing her radiant smile that night only confirmed that the persistent twisting he had felt in his heart over the last few months had been more than mere longing.

But Sanemi also knew he’d long been toeing a line that he can’t cross.

“If things between us went south, what then?” Sanemi continued, “We’ve been friends since we were kids. She’ll feel like she’s the one who has to leave, and I-“ Sanemi hesitated, shaking his head. A lump formed in his throat, threatening to suffocate the emotions that have been fighting to break free from his heart.

“It would be fuckin’ selfish of me to take that from her after she’s tried so hard to build herself a support network. I can’t do that to her, ‘Suri.”

The pink-haired woman sighed and joined him as he leaned against the wall, the two staring off into the empty space before them.

“She is a part of our group, that’s true,” Mitsuri agreed, though contemplative. “But you, Sanemi, have been the biggest source of comfort for her.”

Sanemi scoffed. “Well, that’s what best friends are s’pposed to do.”

Mitsuri shook her head, a ghost of a smile tugging at her lips. “No, I’m her best friend,” she nudged him playfully with her elbow. “You though… you’re different. And I think she knows that, too.”

She kicked off the wall, and made her way towards her apartment door, pausing just as she reaches for the knob.

“After all, you’re the one she smiled for.”

Mitsuri and all her pink disappeared into her apartment, the door clicking softly shut behind her.

Sanemi remained against the wall for a while longer, his head and his heart a tangled web of hope and doubt.

The walk back to his place is solitary, and so Sanemi tried to sort through the snarled brambles of his mind. As he shuffled through the winter landscape, Sanemi thought that he’d never fully appreciated the snow before. He hadn’t noticed how beautiful snow-capped conifers looked, branches heavy with the sparkling ice; hadn’t realized how beautifully quiet the world could be when blanketed beneath a thick coat of white.

He thought about how Y/N looked standing amidst the chaos of the snowball fight, cheeks flushed with the cold and her own adrenaline, a smile as wide and bright plastered on her face. He basked in the warm echoes of her laughter as she lobbed yet another snowball at the back of Mitsuri’s head, squealing in delight when her friend returned her attack tenfold.

And Sanemi thinks that the snow wasn’t so bad after all.

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

Stick around for part 2 if you want to find out if Sanemi will finally confess (and how he’ll likely screw it up 😉)

#demon slayer #sanemi shinazugawa #kimetsu no yaiba #kny sanemi #sanemi x reader #kny x reader #kny fanfic #sanemi drabble #kny #kocho shinobu #shinobu kocho #mitsuri kanroji #kimetsu mitsuri #kny mitsuri #kny shinobu #rengoku kyojuro #kyojuro rengoku

508 notes · View notes

bulbabutt · 1 year

Text

if i can be corny for a second i wanna talk about the greatest strengths of the 2003 tmnt series and why it speaks to me (esp as a queer person)

so i might have alluded to this before, but let me say it outright: each show is definitely a product of its time, and the ideals of whatever generation its from. whether talking about the humour, the story, the dialogue etc, its always important to remember that these shows will always come off in a way due to the generation theyre from. and thats not a bad thing! it just means its important to think about them from that perspective.

2003 is a show of my generation growing up, and a thing about that era that maybe some people younger than me wont understand is there is so much more language commonly available to describe yourself now than there was then. you can take this in any context; mental health, sexuality, gender identity, or even just the ability to describe your relationships with more (idk if this will be the right word) therapist language.

in 03 we have a family unit of splinter and his sons, each with their own strengths and weaknesses. we have a splinter who hasnt opened up to his sons about the trauma hes experienced, but not in a way of shutting them out, simply because it isnt their responsibility to know as they are teenagers. he tells them of the mutagen that created them, but not of his past with his master yoshi, who he calls father when by himself, but never around his sons which is just an interesting concept to think about.

(i do not intent this next sentence as ragging on the two shows after this when i say it, simply from a character standpoint) this is the splinter who completely doesnt make his problems his sons problems, but he also is very willing to tell them the truth when he knows they're ready. this is is the most idyllic version of splitner out of all of them, even when comparing to his mirage counterpart (who hes the most based on) due to that splinter raising them to be ninja specifically to make them fight shredder. this one is just their father who loves them and wants to keep them safe the best way he can, and he was never a human in the first place to even know how to be that. so this whole family dynamic starts with him, and the way he raised his sons reflects his parenting.

so, the setting and year this show is made is 2003. something very relatable here is how there isnt a lot of language for the personality quirks of the turtles. there's so much evidence here for mikey having adhd, his brothers will say things like "why doesnt mikey have to help?" and the answer is "well, he'd be bored. and whats worse, mikey not helping or mikey being bored?" its this beautiful moment of, "hey, we know its not fair, but thats how mikey is, and its better for everyone if we just respect that thats how he is" mikey cant keep his hands off stuff, they know this they dont yell at him for behaving that way, they just stop him. this coding feels the most specific, but like i said. its 2003. we dont have the words to describe what this is yet, and if we do its not common knowledge.

another example is in the classic episode where raphael meets casey jones. raphael is sparring with mikey, and he lashes out and nearly kills mikey. everyone reacts to this by getting him to stop, and no one is more upset than raphael himself. they all tell him to go get some air, which he does. theres no moment of any of them screaming at him for losing his temper, its very clear that they all know he's going to do that himself. and he does go get some air. they all know thats what he needs. he goes and meets casey jones, another hot head, and raph has to help coach this hot head on his anger. when he comes back at the end of the episode after having let out that aggression, he apologizes and no one is upset with him. there's a very clear understanding among his family that he cannot help it, but the best thing they can do is give him his space when he needs it. watching this from a 2023 perspective (20 years later) im sure we could analyze this as a few things going on with raph, my mind comes to autism but at the end of the day it doesnt matter why he behaves like this, the point is that he does and the best thing his family does is just...help him. which they do. and they never hold it against him.

when leo is going through his ptsd arc hes at his closest to raph as a character, the show draws a lot of parallels (like having him go let out some aggression with casey) and we get to see the dynamic in reverse. in "i, monster" (the rat king episode) leo is losing it, taking on rat king alone and not wanting to let up. raphael is actively holding his brothers back when they say "we shouldnt leave him to fight alone", raphael says "if leo gets in trouble i'm the first one in there, but right now it looks like leo's got more than one monster to work out of his system" raph doesn't exactly know what leos going through, but he recognizes it. he knows he needs to fight alone, so raph lets him. its only when the building collapses and leo is no longer in a safe position that he says "leo lets go", which leo wordlessly agrees with and actually listens.

this is what i think is the best part of these guys, the unconditional understanding they have for the way they are. we still have our "raphs a big hot head" "mikeys annoying" jokes, but they feel like genuine good natured sibling ribbing because they know each other on that level.

and to go back to the fact that this show is set in 2003, there's something so specific about the way mikey constantly makes references to liking women's clothing, to being fine with feminine language, and to being open about being the pretty turtle who "has that effect on minds of men" speaks to me as a queer person. this could easily be intended as homophobic jokes and probably is, because again.... its the mid 2000s, thats very much what media was like, thats what the jokes were. especially with the girly screams mikey does being one of the first jokes of this nature.

but theres something that happens in season 4, where an alien is attacking mikey, and donnie rushes in and says "hey, thats my sibling" that sticks out. and it happens again in fast forward. when talking to the dark turtles leo says "you and your brothers" "me and my siblings"

because of the way this family unit just understands each other without ever having a conversation about things, it feels like its not a joke. theres some kind of affirmation happening here. even if it seems like i could be reading into it too much, its specific! and it keeps happening!

and by the end of the show, when mikey says he wants to be maid of honour, even if that line in the media itself was intended to be a joke, no one in their family treats it like one. of course mikey is the maid of honour, he asked to be one! the only real offence taken is when april says bride's maid, to which he is offended because hes so much more important than that!

so from a story standpoint, this show doesnt have the intricate complexities and butting heads of latter iterations, there isnt much relationship growth to be had (in fact once we get to around season 5 the flanderization of the characters kind of begins and it loses some of the more complexities) but thats because its just not the focus of the story! the story is more about what they go through together, and thats fine! thats what our shows kind of were at the time. not saying there isnt any relationship growth, but its very much not the focus because these turtles? they already understand each other in a healthy way.

so to me, these guys are kind of the most wholesome family unit

#tmnt #tmnt 03 #tmnt 2k3 #tmnt 2003 #2003 tmnt #can you tell im in my late 20s #lmao #this is why i did the silly st thing #cuz its relatable #thoughts

873 notes · View notes

gonedreaminggg · 3 months

Text

i am craving disability representation in mcd and mystreet 😭

here i go!

my disability headcanons for MCD/MYS

- Laurance never got his vision back. Not completely, at least. The outer field of his vision is completely blurred, and sometimes it'll randomly get worse/better. In MyS, he's still mostly blind, but he was born with this. It honestly doesn't make a difference in his day to day life because he's so used to it, but he's so pissed that he can't drive.

- Dante has OCD, and he passed the trait down to Dmitri. They both have skin-picking issues as well.

- Naoki (Nekoette) has hyperactive ADHD, which she got from Nana. A lot of people think it's really funny, but when Naoki starts training as a guard, she and other people finally realize how challenging it is.

- Zoey's health starts deteriorating rapidly after giving up her immortality. She has chronic pain issues, and recurring migraines.

- Both MCD and Mystreet Katelyn are hella deaf. Like. Cannot hear for shit. In MyS she wears hearing aids sometimes, but in MCD she's like "WHA?" constantly.

- MyS Vylad is an ambulatory wheelchair user. (honestly i'm just self-inserting for this one lol) they have Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, and use a cane most of the time. They're very active on social media and are a popular disability advocate. It's why they're constantly traveling.

- All of the Ro'meave brothers are hella autistic

- Travis has a lot of chronic fatigue issues because of his demon form and powers and whatnot. When Aphmau gets her relic, and Garroth gets Esmund's, they also have chronic fatigue. The relics are too much energy for a mortal body.

- Levin has hella anxiety. Zoey and Malachai taught him how to manage it over the years. When he becomes Lord, the intensity of the job honestly makes him less focused on his anxieties.

- Malachai still can't function properly as a human. After being brought back to life, he's had a lot of chronic issues, that are honestly all over the place. He also has really bad dissociation, because he was DEAD FOR 900 YEARS.

#tl;dr everyones autistic #suprise!#aphblr #aphmau #minecraft diaries #laurance zvahl #garroth ro'meave #mystreet #mcd dante #zoey mcd #levin mcd #malachi mcd #travis valkrum #katelyn the firefist

157 notes · View notes

danikamariewrites · 10 months

Text

Azriel x adhd!Reader

A/n: As someone with ADHD I struggle with a lot of stuff like my emotions and daily tasks. I like talking about it bc I don’t think it should be taboo and I hate the stigmatism around it that it’s just people being lazy. If your struggling with ADHD or any other mental health problems know you’re not alone ❤️

Warnings: mentions of mental health struggles, some angst

At first Azriel didn’t understand why your mood could be so up and down all the time. Or why you struggled with getting out of bed some days and others you had so much energy you didn’t know what to do with it.

You didn’t like loud noises, being touched unless you wanted too, and some textures overwhelmed your senses causing you to lash out.

You have a hard time communicating your feelings and he does too, which makes you both frustrated when one of you just brushes the other off or is passive aggressive.

Azriel notices you space out sometimes or that when he’s talking to you, you ask him to repeat things because you didn’t hear him. He thinks it’s odd but brushes it off as you just being preoccupied. He also picks up on your fidgeting but never thought anything of it

One day you both snap at each other resulting in the worst fight you’ve ever had

Azriel ends up going to Rhys for advice because he doesn’t want some stupid fight on a random Monday to be the reason you break up

Azriel tells his brother about the issues that have been building up over the last few months and Rhys, who’s been one of your best friends since childhood, tells him you’ve always been that way

He doesn’t go into detail, it’s your story to tell, but he does tell Az about when you were younger and your parents had Madja come give you a few tests. He remembered being a little nervous for you but you were fine. You just needed a little extra help and attention with things because your brain works differently

Azriel instantly feels bad that he didn’t know

“It’s ok Az, she didn’t even tell me until we were teenagers.” Rhys says sympathetically. “Yeah but I’m the one that’s supposed to be there for her, not get angry with her.” Rhys hugs his brother, insisting he stay the night and that time apart will do you both good

The next morning Az comes home to you baking in the kitchen

You had to move around or the thoughts of Azriel not coming home because you were too much of a burden were going to eat you alive

When you see him you try to apologize but he cuts you off asking if you could sit down and talk

“I don’t want to push, but Rhys told me about when you were younger and the testing with Madja.” He says gently

You take a deep breath, trying to blink your tears away

Sometimes it’s hard for you to talk about your ADHD because you hate to seem weak or different

But you’ve held back long enough and if you didn’t tell Azriel soon you knew you would get worse trying to mask it

You tell him everything. how your energy goes up and down, your depression and that it’s worse because you can’t find the energy to do things

You feel useless sometimes because you forget things or because you don’t listen

He hugs you as you cry into his chest, “I just feel so guilty being this way. I’m sorry Az.”

He brushes away your tears, “It’s ok my love. I know I don’t communicate well either. And I’m sorry, I didn’t know you felt this way. It must’ve been killing you to keep it in.”

From that point forward Azriel was always there to make things better

Your communication improved and fights or the silent treatment became very rare

You weren’t afraid to tell him if something was bothering you or if you needed extra help or attention from him

Azriel and his shadows could pick up if you were being overstimulated or stressed out, so there were times you didn’t even need to ask

If you were out with the group and became uncomfortable Azriel would take you somewhere quite to help calm your anxiety

He’d wrap his wings around you so it would be dark and quite, helping slow your panicked breathing

“It’s ok baby, take a deep breath.” “That’s it, in and out, don’t rush.” “Here feel my heartbeat, can we try and match it?”

If you didn’t like how your sweater or dress was feeling that day he would be there with a back up or give you his own

“Are you sure Az, I don’t want to take it from you then you’ll be cold.” “Don’t worry about me baby, I just want you to be comfortable. Plus I’m built for the cold, Illyrian remember?”

Whenever you start fidgeting it’s usually if you’re bored or nervous. Azriel always keeps a little fidget toy or a pen on him so you can hold it and focus your energy on that. He knows you hate being thought of as a distraction and you think it’s better to focus on a small thing in your hands rather than swinging your feet or pushing your chair around

You thought him knowing about your ADHD would change how he feels about you or treat you differently. You bring this up to him one night in bed, “This doesn’t change the way I feel about you at all. You’re still perfect to me, my love. You just need extra help sometimes and it’s ok to ask for help.”

#acotar fanfiction #acotar reader imagine #acotar #azriel acotar #acotar imagine #azriel x reader #acotar headcanon #azriel fluff #azriel fic #azriel x you #azriel headcanons #acotar reader fic #azriel shadowsinger #azriel fanfic

432 notes · View notes

arowrath · 7 months

Text

i saw a post the other day that said that gen z/gen alpha say "unalive" and "seggs" and stuff bc they're afraid of being "punished by an invisible force" and while i do think that the self-censoring sometimes unnecessary and worrying, i also don't think they're self-censoring for no reason.

i think there are a lot of situations where talking about suicide/death in general and sex outright would be punished by very real visible forces like parents and teachers and instagram community guidelines. like these kids (i say kids but i know people my age (20) do this, i feel like it's mostly younger genz and genalpha though at least in my experience) aren't just self-policing and self-censoring for no reason. some creators learned to adapt their language to unclear nebulous guidelines to try and avoid their accounts being taken down or their videos being shown to fewer people, then people started assuming any mentions of death or sex would be punished and started doing the same thing, and now younger kids have picked up on it bc they're online a lot and don't know any different.

but that's not the only part of this that matters bc while that is strange and a little dystopian. there are also offline real-life reasons kids would be scared to talk about this shit with actual words. like i was raised very christian, evangelical, not quite fundamentalist, "we don't use labels but we have stage lights for the worship songs but don't wear skirts above the knee" type of thing. my parents didn't teach me about sex until they found out i would have a sex ed class bc they had to sign a permission slip. and then they gave me a book for kids about sex that was heavily christian, abstinence-only, deeply homophobic etc. it didn't teach about birth control, about what things are not normal, any of that. and i was not raised in a way where i was even the slightest bit comfortable asking my parents or talking about it at all. my twin brother got the same book and would talk about sex or make jokes about it and our parents would get upset because it was "inappropriate" and he shouldn't be thinking about that or whatever. and if i had tried to talk about like, menstrual health or signs of abuse or even just made a joke about sex at all my parents would have been upset.

you can probably guess this from what i just said but unsurprisingly my parents weren't big on being upfront about mental health issues either. i have been depressed since before i can remember and was suicidal by the time i was eleven and i had no idea that the way i was feeling wasn't normal or that there was a word for it. i don't remember when i learned about suicide but i know my dad was at least willing to say the word in conversation when i was 12, which my mother wasn't happy about because it was "too dark" a conversation to be having (he had been telling me about a friend he had in college, specifically about how he had recovered from substance abuse issues and suicidal ideation).

and my parents were definitely not normal but there are objectively situations where parents are way worse about this type of thing. there are absolutely kids who aren't allowed to say words like suicide and death and sex. and they're not afraid of algorithms, there are real-life offline consequences if they slip up. so they self-censor, they talk quietly in the lunchroom with codewords and euphemisms with their friends. and that's not even to mention school, and how kids will get in trouble for anything an adult doesn't want them to talk about, how they can get in, again, real-life offline trouble for speaking frankly about this type of thing. because it's "inappropriate," because it's "upsetting," because their teacher is having a bad day, because god said not to, because they don't want their dm to a friend on tiktok to be flagged.

and i would much rather kids talk about these things with sometimes-insensitive code words than to not talk about them at all. if it's a choice between someone coming out as "tr4ns" to their friend and not having someone to support them at all, if it's between saying they want to "unalive" themself and never seeking help, i want them to go the sometimes-silly code word route. because i think they should be allowed to talk about these things and if they're not i think they have the right to try to do it anyway. the unnecessary self-censorship has been criticized to hell and back and i'm not saying it shouldn't be, especially when it's adults saying these things in real life situations. i'm just saying i think kids have a lot more pressure to censor themselves than people think, even offline.

#text #long post #suicide mention #Turn this post into sh.ip di.scourse i will kill u in real life and if u think 'thats insane why would someone do that' well u have no #idea the amount of things ive seen ppl turn into sh/ipcourse on here.

259 notes · View notes

soireegurl · 2 months

Note

Sick kidnapped reader (fever, cough, throwing up etc) with ni-ki?

"Tsk tsk tsk... Look how pathetic you are baby... If you would have just accepted my confession... Maybe it wouldn't have ended up like this..."

Ni-ki said while slowly caressing your cheeks.

You are having a bad fever but Ni-ki is not going easy on you.

*Cough cough cough*

You felt so weak that you couldn't even reply to Ni-ki.

"Aww... Baby is sick... I feel bad..."

Ni-ki said with a pityful tone.

You are currently in Ni-ki's house. Not that you chose to stay here, but you were forced to.

It all started from you rejecting Ni-ki's confession.

You are just a normal student in school, but just a little different as you are born with asthma and lung problems...

You are naturally weaker than a lot of people to the point where you can even climb up a flight of stairs without stopping midway.

On the other side, Ni-ki is well known for his good athletic skills and good physics. And not to mention he is hella rich. While your family's financial condition is below average. Both of you are the opposite.

No one ever thought that you guys can get along or even meet each other. As you would only stay in class, and Ni-ki is everywhere but in class.

However this might be what they say "opposite attracts". Ni-ki apparently had a crush on you.

But of course, you didn't know and doesn't care. You just want to finish your study and earn some money so you can treat your illness.

Ni-ki's tiny crush slowly became obsession. He don't even know what was making him feel that way as he had never talked to you or interacted with you in any way.

And one day he decided to confess to you, thinking that you would accept him.

But things doesn't go the way he wants.

You rejected him... In the nicest way possible.

"I'm sorry Ni-ki, but I'm not ready for a relationship... And my health condition isn't at it top most condition.. I'm afraid I wouldn't be a funny partner... I'm so sorry, but you deserve better."

You said nicely but still sounded weak.

"No it's okay... I have money and can pay for your medical fees. "

Ni-ki said anxiously... Hoping that you would change your mind upon hearing his words.

But no...

"Sorry Ni-ki... that's very nice of you... But I can't just accept free things like this... Thank you but I'm afraid I still can't accept your confession."

You said and bowed to him before leaving.

And the next day, you found yourself in his room being tied up.

[Back to reality]

"Ni-ki... Why... "

You said weakly.

"Like I sadi Y/n... You should have accepted my confession.."

"But... I don't like you..."

You said straight forwardly... You tried to reject him in the nicest way but seems like he doesn't understand... So you'll just do it the hard way...

" I don't care... You have to be with me... Even if you don't want to..."

Ni-ki's tone was colder than before.

"But... Isn't relationship both ways? You can't force me..."

You tried to reason.

"Oh I can baby... Ss... If I remember correctly, you have a younger brother... Right?"

Ni-ki smirked seeyung your shocked expression.

"If you don't want to see his head tomorrow infront of you... Then maybe accepting me us a better option."

Ni-ki said in a cold tone while his expression was creeping you out.

You threw up upon the thought of your brother's head chopped off and also because your fever was becoming worse.

"See there baby... I can force you..."

#enhypen #enhypen scenarios #enhypen story #enhypen fic #enhypen yandere #soireegurl #yandere #enhypen niki #niki enhypen #niki x reader #niki #enhypen nishimura riki #nishimura riki

59 notes · View notes

fbfh · 2 years

Text

rodrick heffley dating hcs

wc: 2.3k

pairing: rodrick heffley x gn reader

warnings: rodrick has really low self esteem, he also has adhd and dyslexia and general bad mental health, mentions of rsd, his parents are pretty shitty so yikes, brief mentions of parties/hookups/making out, barely proof read

song recs: teenage dirtbag - wheatus, cupid's chokehold/breakfast in america - gym class heroes

a/n: I can't get hyperfixated on diary of a wimpy kid again I can't watch all the movies just for rodrick I can't want to pounce on this man every time I see him.... and yet....

also this is exactly 6 pages in google docs what am i on

(aged up to 18+ for brief mention of hookups, otherwise sfw)

tags: @dustyinkpages @yesv01

First of all

Rodrick is a scorpio

So that makes a lot of sense right off the bat

If we look at how he’s portrayed

Which is through Greg’s perspective aka the most unreliable narrator of all time

We see an angry, angsty, aggressive rebellious teenager

He’s viewed as lazy, selfish, and manipulative, while being simultaneously “dumb” and smarter than he lets on

I saw a post that said maturing is realizing Rodrick wasn’t a villain, he has shitty mental health and a lot of issues he’s not getting help for

And yeah

Yeah that’s what’s actually going on

First of all I think we can all agree he’s dyslexic

Sweaty??? Loded diper???? D-o-r-e?????

Hello

Dyslexia has entered the chat

I think it’s also pretty safe to assume he has adhd

Maybe I am just projecting shut up

But I know for a fact this boy has had a monster energy dependency since he was Greg’s age

We know at this point that people with adhd and dyslexia (separately and together) often times have low self esteem for a variety of reasons

And my god there is no one with worse self esteem than Rodrick Heffley

He knows his parents think he’s dumb

They’re not good at hiding it

They might not have said it to his face but he knows

I get the sense that Rodrick isn’t really aware that all of his struggles are both diagnosable and treatable

So until he learns that many years later

He does actually think he’s kind of dumb

At least in terms of academics

But he can say at least he’s pretty clever

He definitely favors street smarts over book smarts yk

And that’s something that he relies on a lot

He’s taken the classic undiagnosed adhd + learning disorder rout of convincing himself school is stupid and doesn’t mean anything

Even though he actually gets really bad rsd

Especially through academic invalidation

So by the time he was around Greg’s age he’d already convinced himself that school is stupid and doesn’t matter

That no one else gets him

And what better way to back up that belief than fixating on rock and pop punk music???

In his eyes, all the greats had an up and coming early days “no one believed in our vision but us” era

That’s what Rodrick finds himself in now

So when his mom calls his hours and hours of drum practice noise and racket

And when his dad says all that rock and roll is melting his brain (even more than it is, is the implied rest of the sentence)

And when Greg refers to him as his “talentless brother”

It’s fine

Because the more people don’t believe him

The better his success will be

The further back he’s pulled, the further forward he’ll fly

Honest to god, green day’s discography is the reason he’s functional at all

If he can’t listen to american idiot or dookie or nimrod while doing it

He’s not going to do it

Pop punk and hot girls are the only sources of serotonin he’s been able to cling onto

That’s what’s keeping him going right now

A few more years he reminds himself

A few more years until he’ll have left and signed a recording contract and will finally get what he deserves

I think he’s actually kind of scared of someone liking him

Like, actually liking him

The same way where he expects people to be disappointed in him but it’s okay because no one sees his creative vision like he does

He’s convinced himself that the girls in plainview probably aren’t going to get him

So besides his stint with Lyndsey

Which hurt way more than it was supposed to

(remember all that rsd???)

And a fling with that girl from Isla de Corales that burnt out as hot and fast and ugly as he expected it to

He hasn’t really had any actual relationships

Besides the occasional hook up or make out session at a party

He doesn’t want to admit to himself that he knows if a girl actually liked him enough to really get to know him they’d see past the punk boy persona to how fucked up he is

And they’d get scared off

Because who wouldn’t be???

(remember that low self esteem???????)

On a similar note

His band mates may or may not be aware of this

But he’s kind of hiding all his good songs???

He keeps telling himself that it’s fine to just perform fluff and filler songs at first

Because once they get an audience

Once they get practice and a following

Once he knows the right people will hear him

Then he’ll drop the songs with substance

The ones where he really actually has something to say

Because if he posts diper overlode online and it gets 5 views, who cares

But if he posts a song that’s all his innermost thoughts to the hardest drum beats and guitar riffs and bass solos he can possibly come up with

And it gets 3 views and a comment that says it’s shit

It would kill him

Nothing can make him stop making music

Except maybe that

So once he gets into a more accepting, less harshly critical environment

It will be way easier for him to start dropping better and better songs

A little positive reinforcement goes a very long way with him

So by the time that you finally stumble into his life

However that happens

Maybe you saw him at Heather’s sweet sixteen and actually thought he was really good

You hunted him down a while later to tell him

And ask when their next performance will be

Or you heard him blasting his band’s cd at the pool for about 12 seconds before he had to shut it off

And you marched right over to buy one

And he fell in love right there

Or maybe you’re auditioning to be loded diper’s new guitarist or something

And he takes one look at you absolutely shredding

And his stomach drops and his heart starts pounding

Or some other meet cute

Or meet uncute knowing him

Goddamn you give him so much serotonin right off the bat

You figure out pretty quick that the way to his heart is making him laugh, quality time, and very gentle encouragement

And making out

But more on that later

He’s kind of obsessed with you

Okay not kind of

Super

Really super obsessed

Really fast

But like he’s going to play it cool

In spite of how down bad he is for you

Even though he’s not very good at it

He’ll try to play it cool as much as he possibly can

He’ll definitely flirt

He’ll try all his lines and moves

“I’m in a band ;)”

“We play so loud we make people’s ears bleed ;)”

“I can comp you some tickets to our next show ;)”

“Oh yeah I’m a drummer btw ;)”

“A drummer in a band ;)”

Yeah that’s pretty much all he’s got

But unless you want to jump into making out

He really has no idea what to do after that

(Plankton voice) I don’t know I never thought I’d get this far

So if you really like him

Which you do

Actually dating him might be a little tricky

I feel like what would probably happen is you two would just start by being friends who make out sometimes

Like a lot

And then

Eventually after a while

Making out with you will stop scratching that itch

He’ll want more

He’ll want you more

And he’ll start calling himself your boyfriend

Mostly because he really starts to hate it when other people flirt with you

Or stare at you too much

He knows he’s got it bad when he starts getting snippy and annoyed at his bandmates for trying to impress you

That’s when he’s like oh shit

Oh no I actually really like you

And I’m pretty sure you like me too

And if he said that to you

And you said “yeah, yeah I like you a whole lot” and pulled him in by his necklace to kiss him

Everything is solidified in that moment

He’s yours now

Also if you really, really want to make his heart go boom boom

And get him really in love and obsessed with you

Which why wouldn’t you

Tell him he looks like billie joe armstrong with his messy black hair and eyeliner

Oh my god

His heart is 100% yours

Even more than it was before

God he will kiss you right then and there

He really has no idea how he managed to catch you

Or like

Why you like him

(remember that low self esteem?????????????)

He really never thought he’d be a good boyfriend

But once it kind of clicked that being your boyfriend just means doing what he’s already doing with you

Plus a few extra things he already wants to do with you but wasn’t sure he could

He was like wait

It’s that quick easy and free??????? Fuck yeah

He’s so excited

Like really excited

And in spite of what he thinks

He is a good ass boyfriend in a really chill way

Like a lot of the stuff he does is under a very thinly veiled guise of like

Pfft it’s no big deal this is totally chill and casual

I just love kissing you and making out with you at every opportunity cause you’re super hot totally not cause I’m kind of in love with you

I like struggling through homework together cause you’re hot not cause looking at you kind of makes me believe in myself a little and makes really shitty things easier to get through

I try to keep you away from my family because they’re so annoying and you’re so hot not because I know my parents have historically sabotage everything that makes me genuinely happy (which used to just be rock but now is you and rock) and I don’t want them to say something to upset you

Or try to come between us because I’m not going to say this and I want to avoid this situation at all costs but I know if it came to an ultimatum most likely from my mom that I’d pick you

All of this is really just him trying not to jinx anything

Because look at you

Look at how great you are

The only two things he wants are a music career

Any kind of music career

And you

And he’s not going to do anything to jeopardize that

On the surface his feelings towards both you and his band might seem casual

But don’t test him

Cause he will do anything to protect those

Also the fact that you genuinely support him

You actually like the music his band makes

It’s almost unfathomable to him

Like he thought it was going to be a long time before he found someone like you

He’s still in the early life section of his future wikipedia page as a rock legend

And god he’s so excited he found you this soon

He’s just so excited

Being around you

Even just thinking about you is like someone slapped some jumper cables on him and revved the engine

He’ll almost definitely act like what you two have is super casual and barely anything worth noting for a while

Mostly around his family

That way you can avoid a formal Meet The Parents moment

He’s not going to subject either of you to that

After enough time passes his family is just kind of used to seeing you around

Rides to and from school

Hanging out during band rehearsals

Doing homework together

Once you’ve reached I’m with the band status

He doesn’t worry as much

They just sort of mentally put you in part of his friend group/inner circle yk

Which is great because now you can basically come over and spend as much time together as you want without any questions

It’s a pretty good way to gently fold you into his life

The way you’d tenderly fold whipped egg whites into pastry dough

I do have some unfortunate news

Which is if you’re dating Rodrick

Greg will probably get a weird awkward crush on you too

It sort of comes with the territory

Thankfully you have about one interaction with him every six months or so

All of which are by coincidence or accident

So it’s not really an issue

Unless you’re a babysitter or tutor or something

That’s when things can get messy

But hopefully that won’t be an issue

For now at least

Cause for now he just wants to spend time with you

He just wants to listen to music with you and drive around in his van and kiss your beautiful face

He knows shit won’t always be this easy

So he’s holding onto these good old days while he can

Because he knows these moments with you right now

These early morning texts about weekend plans and homework answers

Afternoons practicing the drums and trying unsuccessfully not to be distracted by how pretty you are when you watch him

Nights driving around in his van, going nowhere in particular

Just so you can be together a little longer

Just so you don’t have to go home yet

So he can savor the feeling of your hand in his for a few more minutes

For one more song

These are the good old days

And there will be even better days ahead

And he wants them with you

#rodrick heffley #rodrick x reader #rodrick heffley x reader #rodrick #diary of a wimpy kid #doawk rodrick #diary of a wimpy kid x reader #doawk x reader

2K notes · View notes

saatorubby · 1 year

Note

i loved the series where the boys turned into a child and the mc takes care of them! could you perhaps make another part, but with Floyd, Lillia and Jamil?

Hi! Thank you for requesting. And of course I can, love this series too!

Part one with leona, azul and kalim

Part two with idia, malleus and riddle

Part three with vil, rook and silver

Request: Floyd, lilia and jamil has turned into children, now their s/o has to take care of them.

A/n: uh yeah I know I'm late and I have nothing to say for myself. Also I had very hard time writing Lilia as a toddler, I can't imagine him as a child. And for Jamil, I just can't write for him, for some reason his personality is very hard for me to grasp.

Warnings: weird children, (in my opinion, all vice dorm leaders+floyd are menace and hazard to society(affectionate)) gn!reader.

Floyd leech

If you thought he was a menace before, he's a literal demon now . He's literally that child that eats the random things on the floor.

He somehow manages to eat stones, you'll never know how.

Tbh you won't find many things different now that he's a child, he still acts pretty much the same, but now he has new weapons. His cute face and baby voice.

He uses it to the maximum. He would bully other people and then put the blame on them. And when no ones looking he would grin like a little demon he is.

He doesn't eat anything except gummy bears and takoyaki. Azul better watch out.

His sleeping habits are also very bad considering his brother enables him too much.

Speaking of his brother. Jade never stops Floyd from doing shit. Partly because it amuses him and partly because he missed his menace of a brother.

Though he would take care of it if anyone decides to mess with his (now) little brother. Jade is known to be ruthless with his vicious grin.

So when jade showed up with his small copy at ramshackle you weren't sure what to do.

Floyd is still Floyd you know. But cuter (if that's possible) and probably less harmful to your health.

"Koebi-chaaan!" He would shout from a mile away from ramshackle and you would hear him. He would then make grabby hands and make you pick him up, which you gladly oblige.

Grim doesn't really like him as Floyd tends to monopolise your time.

When he sleeps you swore you saw an angle instead of the spawn of the devil he acts like during the day.

"Koebi-chan! Would you pick me up again?" He asked giggling, when he turned normal causing you to give him a deadpanned look and glace over at his 6'2 imposing figure.

Lilia Vanrouge

Menace #2.

He...is a weird child. Like the child-you-see drawing-creepy-figures, weird.

Besides that, he okay, not normal but...fine.

He likes going into the forest with silver. He also likes to hear silver sing to the birds, it calms him down and provides a sense of familiarity.

Malleus is having time of his life. He tries to make fun of lilia but Lilia bullied malleus back so much malleus almost set him on fire.

Everyone is diasomnia is pretty chill about their vice dorm-leader being turned into child...except for sebek.

He's crying, screaming, throwing up, shouting "LILIA-SAMA!". Baby Lilia does not like sebek much.

He likes going to concert. Very much. He went to one with his club members and his eyes shined so bright!

If his pranks were bad before, they're worse now. Def uses his even cuter looks to his advantage to get out of shit.

Has no sense of consequences, once jumped in front of a bus to see what death felt like. Sebek, Silver and Malleus have not recovered from the almost death of their father guardian.

Lilia loves being around you and grim. He is fascinated by grim. How are his eyes constantly on fire? Magic? It would take too much magic, how a normal monster has this amount of magic?

He a little bit of magic nerd. Malleus took after him.

He eats his veggies very reluctantly but! Lilia likes to cook for you. You can't say no to that face (he's pouting with years pooling in his dark red eyes).

All in all, I find diasomnia very wholesome.

"Prefect! Was I even cuter that I look now? No need to blush now~"

Jamil Viper

He's pretty chill...usually.

Not as much of a menace as the one(s) mentioned above but can be set off if provoked.

Does not like Kalim. Please keep him away from Jamil, he might set him on fire. He's not the biggest fan of Kalim.

Because of his aversion to kalim, you were left in charge of him (not that you mind).

Jamil would have had a nice peaceful childhood if he wasn't assigned as kalim's attaché, so now doesn't have that duty, he's pretty cocky about his skills.

Good at everything, is a gifted child. Another reason he is arrogant.

He and Grim get along fine, doesn't make much of a mess (around you). Don't let them be alone together, they might set your dorm on fire.

He's a quiet kid. Only muttering here and there, listening intently to you.

Not clingy but get anxious if you're away from him for a long period of time.

Eat his veggies! A good boy indeed. He eats everything you provide him with, but when a bowl of curry and rice is placed in front of him you can't help but notice a different glow in his eyes and a light blush his cheeks are light up with.

He likes to have his hair brushed by you and placed in a neat braid before he goes to sleep. He doesn't like to sleep with his hair open, they get dirty more daily that way (he doesn't like his hair greasy and dirty)

U-Uh?! Prefect you took care of me?! Where was Kalim? Wait don't answer that.

694 notes · View notes

leftvisions · 11 days

Text

❀ This interest literally refuses to leave and when it does rarely it comes back even worse bruh it’s been years bro GET OUTTA MY HEAD!!!! (rdr) ❀

But anyways i cant stop thinking about the development of Dutch and Hosea because on one hand we know Dutch in specific isnt supposed to be a good man; he’s an antagonist and it’s evident through his actions and his outward spiral into insanity to some extent but then there’s Hosea who’s a consistent mediator and staple to the gang while being Dutch’s right hand man and best friend (and his last living love if viewed platonic OR romantically)

The rival between colm and Dutch, which the start of it was due to Dutch killing colms brother, we can assume due to the time period this was a robbery, some form of blood money but not for revenge infact it’s supposed to be seen as an accident to the players, in return colm kills Anabelle, which is known as dutchs lover, and due to her death Dutch is stuck on vengeance and killing colm and as many of his men as possible (which is also why Kieran and his death are so important and symbolic within Dutch and his morality and life philosophy) to avenge her death,

The story is written where the gang and the colms gang had a loose partnership so we can assume Arthur, John and other EARLY gang members may have even known Anabelle (such as Hosea & miss grimshaw) so it’s not like this descent was random, Infact quite the opposite.

It’s evident that due to love for Anabelle he loses a majority of his sanity and then when Hosea dies he looses the rest of it, and he’s unaccepting to any form of love after this, we can see this through his loose rejection towards Molly and generally the rest of the gang aswell

I just think it’s insane how the man who yes while evidently does bad things is written off purely as bad with no intent behind it, it’s evident that due to revenge, descent of poor mental health, general loss and everything situationally based is why things occur the way they do

#red dead redemption #dutch van der linde #hosea matthews #vandermatthews #rdr2 #leftvision

21 notes · View notes

am-i-the-asshole-official · 1 month

Note

AITA for making my ex taking medication as a bargain chip for us to get back together?

This happened a while ago but I saw some posts about the right of someone to go unmedicated and now I feel bad and wonder if I was shitty 💊🧘‍♀️ mentions of death, pet endangering, pet death, untreated mental illness and if you call them a narcissist I will steal your left socks. Also not disclosing their diagnosis because you guys can't be normal about mentally ill people.

So me and J (about 25, I was 22 at the time. Name changed for privacy. Both of us is NB) had a extremely quick developing relationship where in 5 months we went from dating to living together. Don't judge me okay I was 20 when we met and I needed a place that wasn't my parents house. Sorry, this will need some context. J convinced me to drop college due to mental health and to move out of my roomies house for privacy reasons.

So three days before my 21th birthday, J lost her brother due to an accident, and we moved together anyway. One month after her brother passed her cat also passed away. That made the grief way worse and about 10 months into the relationship she tried to choke my cat because she peed in the wrong place. I told her I was going to leave her and in result she slitted open her arm with a box cutter.

Later she admitted to be hurting our two cats when I wasn't home by choking and almost drowning them.

By december of the same year I came out as aromantic and she was extremely shitty towards me from deceiving her because she thought I actually loved her but that was all a ruse. So we broke up for real this time but kept living together because well, it was unfortunately what we had and we couldn't move to our separate paths due to our income. That was january with until march/april more or less when she noticed i was pulling guys like no one and hooking up constantly (that was self harm but that doesn't justify it. In my defense I told her just because she would ask me repeatedly if I was hooking up with guys and always wanted to know where I was going). I also went back to college and started hanging out with other people that seemed to actually like me!

Keep in mind all this time she was unmedicated and when I tried to bring up she need therapy and medications she would shut me down, even before the break-up.

And then, by may she was crawling at my feet because she wanted me back. And I cared a lot about her. So I put in my conditions that unless she was medicated and on therapy by the end of july, I would never consider going back to her. And would you look at that, it actually worked because before june ended she was both medicated and on therapy and I said well you did your part, and went back to her, with her now.

Btw for all that matters I am 25 and broke up with her again from almost 2 years now but last time I talked, she was still on therapy and medicating herself, making a bitter remark on how "that's the only way people can stand her, that no one can stand her true self"

So, AITA for making my ex take care of her mental health before I considered going back to her?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole #animal abuse cw

91 notes · View notes

akiizayoi4869 · 2 years

Text

The Search: A story about abuse, abuse apologism, and ableism.

So as you guys all know, I spent my night reading The Search for the second time, and much like the first time I read it last year, I wasn't impressed. At all. It gives us a detailed backstory about Ursa, and what her life was like before and after she married Ozai. To make a long story short, she was forced into an abusive marriage. And the comic goes out of its way to show us just how abusive it was, and that this was a bad thing.

These panels show us an abusive marriage, and how that was bad. The panel that shows they're wedding night shows a prelude of what will be an abusive marriage. Ozai also happens to be abusive to his children.

This is verbal abuse, not just to Zuko but to Azula as well(even though the writers clearly don't see her as an abuse victim) and it's framed as a bad thing. And it is. No child should have to go through this. As far as all of this goes, Yang did a good job with depicting Ozai as an abusive person, and how it had a negative effect on his family.

Now let's move on to the abuse apologism and ableism that this comic had when it comes to Azula.

Every time Azula has an outburst, she's immediately attacked because she's seen as dangerous, even though the characters should have used their damn brains and asked her who was she seeing and what was she talking about, rather than constantly attacking her. It's heavily implied that she was abused at the asylum, and yet this is framed and written as a good thing by Yang, simply because she was mean to people, fought on the wrong side of the war, and dared to be better than her brother. She's forced into a straight jacket that she wears 24/7, which realistically she shouldn't have even been able to MOVE after being in that thing for so long, and she gets chi blocked for no reason at all. OZAI has better imprisonment conditions than she did, when he was the one who nearly committed genocide in the earth kingdom. When he was the one who had no intention of stopping the war. When he was the one gave Zuko his scar, who had his father killed. That same person is treated better than Azula. And for what? Because he's not "crazy" like she is? The way how this whole thing is framed when it came to Azula makes it seem like Yang was pretty much saying that she deserved the abuse that she suffered in the asylum, that she deserved to be constantly attacked by everyone, as a consequence for her actions during the war. Even though she didn't do anything worse than what Zuko, Iroh, Zhao, and Ozai did. And yet she's the only one getting treated like this.

How many times do we have to see this shit in media? See the woman who was abused by a male who was dominant in her life be treated horribly because of the way she turned out as a result of said abuse? To have the people who supposedly love her, BLAME her for the abuse that she suffered. How many woman in reality go through this bs? And yet Yang and the other writers thought that this shit was ok to put in a book for a young audience? That's the wrong kind of message to be sending. Yang makes this message ten times worse by doubling down on it by making Azula "insane and nutty", which he uses to justify the treatment that she gets. And it's disgusting. The stigma surrounding mental health is already bad enough in this society, we shouldn't have to see it in a book that's meant for kids.

So in conclusion, fuck this book. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

#atla #azula #zuko #ozai #ursa #akiizayoi4869 meta #fuck the search #anti Yang #fuck the writers #The Search meta

715 notes · View notes

Last Seen Blogs

mariaemiliacn

liliotl

LiLiotL

justinkennonbooks

Justin Kennon's Books

lostboyslc

UTguy

bacpain

Hyu isBacPain