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kausstar · 5 months

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ᯓ ✶ IT FEELS GOOD TO KNOW YOU’RE MINE ◞ rodrick heffley.

headcanon/drabble tags female reader. black reader in mind. sfw + nsfw content. swearing. different rodrick’s like perv! rodrick, virgin! rodrick, boyfriend! rodrick… all that. kissing. ꒰ was gonna write a drabble but i just kept coming up with only small drabbles sooo here they are ꒱

boyfriend! rodrick who leaves things at your house just to have an excuse to see you. will leave things that don’t have a purpose in his day to day like a shirt or some bracelets and still come back for them.

best friend! rodrick who likes you, glares at every guy that tries to flirt with you. watches from afar as the two of you talk and will be jealous. will ask you what it was about after or not speak to you all that much (only giving you short sentences and groans until you ask what’s wrong).

pantie-stealer! perv! rodrick who’s definitely slipped a pair of your panties into his pocket when leaving your house. fully planning on fisting them onto his cock later.

boyfriend! rodrick who thinks about fucking you in the back of his van . . . a lot.

boyfriend! rodrick who’s dazed by you in every single way. your smile, your eyes, your ass, your hair— he’s completely whipped.

perv! boyfriend! rodrick who loves when you wear short shorts. watching your ass move in them makes his eyes fall out of his head.

rodrick heffley who’s definitely an ass man but will favorite your tits sometimes.

boyfriend! rodrick who does his own eyeliner but loves when you compliment him.

boyfriend! rodrick’s mom who literally adores you. enjoys seeing her son so happy.

boyfriend! rodrick who loves to make out with you while you sit on his lap. will rest his hands at your waist and not move them or will wrap his arms around your waist to pull you closer.

boyfriend! rodrick who will say yes to anything you ask if you give him that pretty smile and doe eyes.

boyfriend! rodrick’s mom who takes pictures of the two of you in the embarrassing mom way and will keep them.

“aww, you two look so cute. come here, come here. let me take a picture.”

boyfriend! rodrick who acts so big and bad but will lay on your chest and let you play in his hair, going as far as going to sleep on you.

crush! rodrick who makes plans to hang out with you most of the summer.

boyfriend! rodrick who likes when you wear his shirts. especially his bands shirts. won’t get you one of your own though because he wants you to wear his.

perv! boyfriend! rodrick who watches you change when you’re in his room sometimes. says he won’t look but he always end up taking a peak. can’t help it.

rodrick heffley with a sweet girlfriend who loves how friendly and supportive you are, but absolutely hates how so many guys are pulled in by your personality. you’re intentions being so much different than theirs.

boyfriend! rodrick who does stupid things to impress you.

boyfriend! rodrick who looks at you with doe eyes every time you speak. listens to you even when you’re talking about complete nonsense.

virgin! boyfriend! rodrick who supposedly knows all about what girls like but has absolutely no experience with kissing and will stutter up a storm when you first ask for one.

boyfriend! rodrick who will buy things that he doesn’t need but you do. for example, him getting a mirror in his room just for you to look at yourself in so you don’t have to go to the bathroom.

boyfriend! rodrick who will listen to your music, and will secretly listen to it over and over even if it’s not his normal taste.

virgin! perv! boyfriend! rodrick who likes when you roll your hips onto him when you’re on his lap. the thin fabric of your panties and his boxers the only thing stopping the two of you from being skin to skin.

boyfriend! rodrick who rubs your relationship in greg’s face. always grinning from ear to ear when you do something sweet for him in front of him.

boyfriend! rodrick who doesn’t really do too much PDA. only wrapping his arm around your waist and maybe some forehead kisses.

boyfriend! rodrick who likes when you kiss him on the cheek when you’re leaving but adores when you give him a kiss and you’re lipgloss/chapstick lingers on his lips.

boyfriend! rodrick biggest excuse nowadays being “can’t. girlfriend’s coming over” with the biggest grin.

crush! rodrick who doesn’t know how to flirt at all. always awkwardly smiling, making stupid jokes and saying the “wrong” things.

boyfriend! rodrick band mates who call him whipped all the time.

crush! rodrick who’s so positive he will get your number he brags about having you wrapped around his finger already, but will get your number and get excited about every interacting with you. small and big.

boyfriend! rodrick who holds the door for you then will let it shut completely on greg’s face.

boyfriend! rodrick who gets caught up with the band and has to be pulled away from them so you can spend time together.

virgin! boyfriend! rodrick who doesn’t know how big he is until you’re whining at him that he’s really deep.

boyfriend! rodrick gets rid of his dirty magazines from up under his bed to fill a shoe box with pictures of you. the pictures being of what you expect and he has to hide them the best he can because of greg’s snooping.

boyfriend! rodrick who likes surprises and gifts. especially if you made them yourself and he can wear it for everyone to see.

boyfriend! rodrick who tries to be as close as possible to you during the summer. with you short shorts, small shirts and bathing suits guys are bound to be howling at your feet.

crush! rodrick who enjoys halloween and seeing you at parties. eyes glued on you the entire night.

boyfriend! rodrick who’s gotten in trouble more than three times for how loud the two of you are.

 2023 kausstar.

#⋆ 𐙚 ₊ ˚ star #+ know yall tired of headcanons on this tag but fic comin soon! 😌#rodrick heffley x reader #rodrick heffley imagine #rodrick heffley #rodrick heffley smut #rodrick imagine #rodrick #rodrick x reader #diary of a wimpy kid rodrick #diary of a wimpy kid #rodrick smut #x reader #x black reader

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fbfh · 1 year

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rodrick x hyperfeminine reader hcs

wc: 2.3k

genre: mutual pining, contrasting aesthetics

pairing: rodrick x hyperfeminine reader (fem/she her/referred to as a girl)

summary: you're new at school and it takes a painfully long time for you to find the only hot guy there. he's had a massive painful crush on you since you first set foot through the door.

warnings: reader is a little insecure/anxious and copes through hyperfemininity, rodrick has low self esteem and dyslexia, they both think they have no chance with the other one, jocks keep asking you out, you're friends with Heather and Madison

a/n: obsessed with this dynamic. when you finally date everyone is so fucking confused lmao

@dustyinkpages @the-snake-pit @yesv01

First of fucking all

Match made in heaven

On your first day of school at Crossland you turned a whole lot of heads

You figure you should make a statement and decide to channel your idol, Elle Woods

You show up to school in a pink mini skirt blazer set, a little halter top with a heart cut out, and matching pink heels

You’re obviously rocking your signature scent, strawberry pound cake body spray and matching strawberry fizz flavored lip gloss

You did a mani pedi and a facial over the weekend to destress

You walk in quickly to avoid the people that are staring at you for some reason, unintentionally strutting through the halls in a way that appears totally confident

You reach the office to get your schedule and tuck it into your heart shaped bag along with your sunglasses

You make sure to smile and be extra friendly with all the teachers and administrative staff, and in every class where you have to introduce yourself over and over, you try to project what you hope is an approachable friendliness

People were already starting to whisper about the living barbie doll that just showed up out of nowhere, and these whispers reached none other than Heather Hills

She grabs Madison and tries to hunt you down

To confront you for trying to steal her place as the prettiest most popular girl there

Before she can threaten you, you’re asking her where the good boutiques in town are

You have such a unique, sunshiney charm that she totally forgets what she came to talk to you about

Before she knows it, you and her and Madison have plans to go shopping this weekend

You praise yourself for making a couple friends on the first day, not realizing you accidentally waltzed your way into the elusive popular girl clique

By the end of the day, you have entirely by accident established yourself as queen bee of the school

As time goes on, you’re relieved that at least some of the people at Crossland are so friendly

Sometimes people say hi to you, and you always reply with a smile or wave or hi back

But a lot of the time people just stare at you

You’re somewhat used to it since not a lot of people wear nearly as much pink as you do

Or glitter

Or use a fuzzy pink strawberry scented glitter gel pen for all their homework

So you try to chalk it up to that

As the days go on, everyone thinks they know exactly what to expect from you

You’re like Heather 2.0, just a little nicer

Which is almost worse

When Heather is mean to everyone she doesn’t like (which is almost everyone) at least they have a reason to hate her

But you??

You’re so elusive

You don’t have a ton of friends, you don’t go out of your way to go party unless Heather and Madison drag you there

But what’s weird is that you’ve turned down every guy who’s actually worked up the courage to ask you out

Every single guy at crossland wants to ask you out

But when the captain of the football team

And the quarterback

And the hottest guy in your grade all asked you out

And the whole school watched you politely turn them down one after the other

No one else thought they stood a chance

Heather and Madison think you’re crazy for turning them down

“I just… I’m not really into guys like that.” you say dismissively

“Hot jocks?” Heather demands

You would have said the type of guys who’d have bullied you in middle school, but now doesn’t seem like the right time to bring that up

“Yeah.” you agree, and eventually they stop pressing you

Your status of queen bee is even more solidified by the rumors rampantly spreading that not only are you unimaginably hot

But you’re also impossible to date

This becomes common knowledge after a while

Until one day when you’re running late to school

Heather’s still complaining about having to turn around and pick up her sister

“I mean, you were the one who forgot her at your house…” Madison starts, piping down fast when Heather glares at her

As you all get out of her convertible, tires screech behind you

A beat up white van with spray paint writing on the side parks haphazardly next to the curb

Muffled guitar and drums blast out of the car speakers, and as the driver opens the door, you recognize it as green day

Your eyes widen, and you lag behind to try and get a look at the driver

Heather’s ranting about something, and Madison grabs your arm, pulling you along as you watch the driver stumble out and trip on the curb

He has messy black hair, eyeliner, and he’s wearing a well loved ramones shirt

As if that wasn’t enough, he shoves the drumsticks he’s holding into his back pocket, poking out awkwardly

“Who is that?” you ask

Heather and Madison whip around, ecstatic that you finally found someone at school you think is hot

They scan the scattered crowd of other late students trying to make it inside before first bell

“Who?” Heather demands, looking straight past the guy at the captain of the football team who you’d turned down for the fourth time earlier this week. “Brent? You know Brent.”

A twinge of jealousy flashing through her voice as she finishes, desperate for more information

“No,” you say, pointing. “The guy who looks like Billie Joe Armstrong.”

“Who?” they both demand, still looking right past him

“Black hair, black shirt…”

Finally they see him

“Heffley??” Heather demands, holding back a gag at his name. “No, no, no. Not him, anyone but him.”

She shudders, pushing past both of you to go inside

You’re stuck in place, watching him greet his friends and laugh loudly as they shove each other hello

Madison leans in close

“That’s Rodrick. His god awful band ruined Heather’s sweet 16 and she’s still pissed about it. Going near him is social suicide.”

It suddenly makes sense that you haven’t bumped into the only hot guy at school yet

If you’re always with Heather and Heather avoids him like the plague…

Madison drags you inside, and you’re already trying to figure out a way to talk to him

Just because you didn’t know Rodrick exited before now, doesn’t mean he hasn’t been drooling over you since you showed up at Crossland

“Uh, dude… was she just staring at you?” Ward says once Madison finally drags you inside, forcing you to break your unwavering stare you had locked on Rodrick

He turns around quickly, looking for a more logical explanation for you looking in his direction as some football players walk past

“She must have been looking at Brent.” he decides

“No dude,” Ben punches his arm, “she was totally making eyes at you.”

They all laugh at the ridiculousness of the statement as he drags himself to his first class of the day

He can’t focus even more than usual

Were you staring at him? Making eyes at him like Ben had said?

He stares at the back of your head in all your shared classes, which is a lot of them, just like he always does

And just like always, his mind starts to wander

Of course he’s down stupid bad for you, he doesn’t know anyone that’s not

He wonders what you smell like, what you look like up close

He wonders what your hands would feel like on his body, if you’d drag your pretty manicured nails across his skin

He imagines kissing you in such vivid detail it feels real for a few moments

Then he starts to wonder what you’d taste like

Probably bubblegum, you usually chew it between periods when you won’t get in trouble for it

He wonders if your lip gloss is flavored

God, since the first day you showed up in this shithole he’s been thinking about you

He’s had countless dreams about you to

He always goes right back to sleep hoping he can see you again, feel your body against his, feel your lips on his skin one more time

He knows it’s hopeless, knows that even if you’ve seen him around and are vaguely aware of his existence, you don’t know his name

And why would you want to??

He’s such a teenage dirtbag he practically has rights to the song

Plus Brent is still determined to get you to go out with him

He considers himself your boyfriend already and has been threatening anyone who stares at you more than normal

Even if he could get past Brent and his own debilitating self doubt and low self esteem, you’re with Heather and Madison constantly, who still think he’s worse than mold after the incident and Heather’s sweet 16

You’re literally untouchable

Even still, he doesn’t think he’s ever had a crush this bad

Not even back when he liked Heather

The only way he can get through classes is by spacing out the whole time (his teachers expect nothing less of course) and imagining you marching right up to him and sitting on his lap to make out with him

The only notes he takes anymore are scribbled song lyrics about you until his hand cramps up and he gets one of those nausea headache he gets from trying to write or read too much

He thinks about you so much

It’s getting to the point where he’s thinking about you all the time

And he has absolutely no idea what to do about it

Because he doesn’t stand a chance

There’s no way in hell he could approach you, much less get you to go out with him

Plus you’ve literally turned down every guy that’s asked you out this year

Why would you want to go out with him???

Heather and Madison are wondering the same thing

You could easily pull anyone in this entire school

And now you’re making eyes at Heffley out of nowhere????

It doesn’t make sense

They can’t pay attention for the rest of the day

Neither can you

You spend the entire day trying to figure out how to talk to him (you could just walk over to him)

How to get his attention (you already have it)

How to set up the perfect scenario to make him fall for you (he fell hard and fast long before now and has not recovered)

A party

You have to throw a party and get his band to play

Then you can corner him after the show to buy a cd and see if you can get it to go somewhere

It’s perfect

Plus Heather’s been telling you that you should throw at least one party before the school year is over

You tell Heather you want to throw a party this weekend

She’s ecstatic, thinking you’re finally moving on to something better to focus on

She and Madison are so busy helping you get everything ready they don’t notice you staring at Rodrick in the halls every chance you get and never managing to get him to look over at you

You’re so busy throwing an elaborate rager of a party to try and seduce him like Jay Gatsby that you don’t notice him staring at you when you’re not looking too

You can’t let anything ruin your chance with Rodrick

Nothing can possibly go wrong

So when Brent asks you out again at lunch you turn him down more definitively than you have before

You tell him you’re just not into him like that, and to please stop asking you out

He’s never had someone tell him that they’re not attracted to him and want nothing to do with him

It was definitely a much needed blow to his self esteem

Rumors that you broke up with Brent (even though you weren’t dating in the first place) spread like wildfire

So after school when you manage to slip away from Heather and Madison for long enough to approach Rodrick and ask him and his band to play at your party this weekend

It feels like a fucking dream

Not only do they have a gig

But it’s at your party????

It feels fake

It feels like something his touch starved hormonal brain would concoct to distract him from what he should be thinking about

They start trying to figure out sets and extra practice time before your party

And Ben insists the whole time that you were making eyes at him

Except this time Rodrick kind of believes him

There’s no way this means he has a chance with you, right??

He watches you walk away

And as you walk away, you let out an excited suppressed giggle that you actually talked to him

You’re still flustered and blushing under all your makeup, fanning your warm face as you hop into the passenger seat of Heathers convertible

“What’s up with you?” she asks, noticing your distracted state

“I’m just… really excited for this party.” you smile, biting your lip

You don’t think about a thing other than him for the rest of the day

You decide this party really cannot come soon enough

If you play your cards right

You might even get him to like you back

You ruminate on this as you start picking out an outfit - in your signature pink, of course - completely unaware that Rodrick is already rehearsing for your party

And thinking about you just as much

#rodrick heffley #rodrick heffley x reader #rodrick x reader #rodrick #doawk x reader #doawk rodrick #rodrick x girly reader #you make him lose his shit #actively go bonkers for you

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floshav · 6 months

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part 2 to my last rodrick fic which u can read here !

summary: Rodrick proves his likeness for y/n through a spontaneous kiss leaving her smitten and dazed. However, thoughts of Heather still lingered in her mind, constantly being reminded of the blonde girl whenever she passed by. "Does Rodrick still like her?" "Does he even like me?" What happens when Heather suddenly takes interest in Rodrick after ignoring him for years just because she can't let y/n get what she wants.

wc: 2k plus

warnings: allusions to smut, heavy make out

2 weeks later...

the kiss, no not just the kiss but the two kisses rodrick and y/n shared that night resulted in their relationship. She had been left smitten and the feeling was one of those that even if you wanted to forget, you couldn't. The heart racing, blush inducing feeling of getting kissed on by rodrick the boy she'd been crushing on for years, with his rough boy lips which still managed to be soft and plush because well, he was Rodrick after all.

It was now a plain old Monday and she was lost daydreaming in her Calculus class, or was it english? She couldn't bother to take notice.

"Alright, take out your calculators and flip to page 56. We'll be grinding through the workbook today class!" Ms. Smith yelled whilst her big buggy glasses fell down the tip of her nose bridge, stopped by her finger which shoved them back in place. Y/n couldn't care less. Her mind was swarmed with what happened 2 weeks ago.

His lips grazed hers one more time, this time softer and one might say more lovingly if she was in a state of delirium. She felt his slender hand creep up the side of her hip brushing it against her shirt so so gently. He broke off the kiss and his face was so close to hers she felt as if she might faint right then and there. The boy who was rough, impatient and borderline rude crumbled in-front of her. She'd never seen Rodrick like this before. Each freckle, each fine line, each perfect imperfection visible to her now. She'd imagined this image thousands of times before, but never had she imagined it to come true. Rodrick hesitated before saying his next words "I- I really like you y/n. And- and i just want to set that clear before you try showing up to my house drunk silly again. You were being so wreck less you know that?" He chuckled dorky-ly ever so slightly which made her heart pound just a little harder. Her heart fluttered at how he cared for her.

"M'sorry I-i just, m'just so jealous." She slurred as her eyes began to tear up with a mix of happiness, jealousy, anger and most of all, sadness. "Why? You know i'm here for you and you only, stupid." Rodrick whispered so softly against her lips but y/n's mind swarmed with confusion. "B-but you always *hiccup* talk about Heather." She sighed as she let herself fall into her hands. "Makes it *hiccup* hard to believe" She said again. "I-" He moves further back and a familiar ache rises to her chest, one of abandonment. "She was just someone I was infatuated in. Nothing more. Fuck. If i really liked her, would i have kissed you back? Let alone kiss you again?" He said making eye contact this time. He looked absolutely illegal. The way his hair was his usual mess, his blown out eyeliner smudged beneath his fox eyes. His puffy lips. Everything about him made her feel unreasonably hot in the cool weather. "S-so no more feelings for her?" "No. no more." he said so seriously it made her scared. "In fact, she's an asshole and i don't want any part of her in my life." He said whilst memories of what Heather did earlier fled his mind. Rodrick plants a kiss at the corner of y/n's lips and this time she knows it was meant lovingly. Still, at the back of her mind, the one aching question lingered, didn't he say he loved her?

"Y/n?" "Ms y/n?" She blinked and the memory was interrupted by an annoying voice. "Do you care to open your workbook? Or do you intend on staring at the cover for the next hour?" Ms Smith's breath tickled the hairs on the back of her neck waking her from her daydreams of what happened that hazy night.

"Yea, sorry ms smith." She smiled tightly before flipping to page 66 or 57 the page number was was a blur to her, but an open book would do.

He planted a soft kiss at the crook of her neck.

suddenly her mind wandered to what happened later that night.

Hand riding up under her shirt. "is this okay?" His voice was earnest and soft against the skin of her neck.

her thighs clenched together unintentionally and she felt ashamed for imaging such lewd things. She'd been daydreaming about that night for the past few weeks. Each week making her crave for more until she felt sick. Rodrick hadn't made a move like that on her ever since, and she was just too shy to even ask so images in her mind would do for now.

He unclasped her bra in one swift motion and it made her question if he'd done this before, with... Heather? No, can't be, she doesn't even care for him. Right?

The kissing started to turn into making out and y/n felt his breathing falter when she brushed her pinky against his crotch by accident.

"Fuck do you even know what you're doing right now-"

"Ms. y/l/n!" Just as quickly as it started, her daydreaming had come to a halt.

"I've been calling your name for the past 5 minutes. Care to share your answer to the whole class? I assume you didn't even hear the question number i gave you. Number 5! Now." Ms. Smith tried to hush her yelling down to be more precarious.

"Sorry Ms." Y/n sighed before making her way to the black board with a dumb empty mind filled with Rodrick.

------------------

The same could be said about Rodrick. His usual sleepiness that was met with classes vanished ever since that night. Instead of sleeping, he was putting his pretty dumb brain to use by thinking. Thinking about y/n. Every night, everyday, every moment. He'd be lying if he said that she was the only girl he'd ever gained feelings for, because Heather Hills did exist. But it was true when he said he didn't like her anymore.

"Mmm- Aaah- R-rodrick p-please not my neck."

"Shhh, just one more kiss y/n, please."

"F-fuck!"

"FUCK FUCK FUCK FUC-"

Before Rodrick's dream could get any steamier he was awoken to the sound of Heather cursing just beside him, clearly to get someone's attention.

"FUCK! how am i going to do this!!!" Heathers voice was painfully exaggerated and Rodrick couldn't help but cringe. Was this the girl he was smitten by before?

"Oh- Hey Roddy!" Heather smirked as she twisted her body to face him.

Rodrick's head was rested on his arm and he couldn't help but look at her with dead eyes, clearly annoyed.

"You.... you play the drums right?"

"Mmm" Rodrick groaned as he scratched his temple, he was surprised at how much he didn't care for THE Heathers presence anymore.

"Was wondering if.... You'd wanna play a gig at my birthday party?"

Rodrick's eyes lit up. A gig? That was a once in a blue moon occasion to rodrick's ears. But reality struck him when he remembered it was Heather who was asking.

"Mmm sorry Heather, don't think i can." Though it ached him to decline the gig, he knew you wouldn't like it so he sucked it up. Rodrick felt a sense of pride when he realised he didn't stumble over his words around her anymore.

"Awwww but why! I'll pay you 50 bucks an hour, and you know my parties last long." She feigned a girly voice as she batted her long eyelashes which icked Rodrick out.

50 bucks an hour..... The offer was tempting but, you were even more tempting.

Before Rodrick could answer, you walked in the class with a goofy smile, ready to see your Rodrick with..... Heather.

Heather shot back daggers through a fake soft smile. The type she'd give to a teacher after almost being caught doing something.

"Oh... Hello there y/n! Sorry, Rodrick was just telling me about how he'd love to play drums at my party. Isn't that right Rodrick?"

"Wh- No?" Rodrick scoffed out, eyes squinting at the mischievous blue eyed blonde.

"Oh c'mon, don't lie to y/n just because you pity her! You're a man! Act like one." Heather said as she got up from her chair slightly agitated at the fact Rodrick didn't play along.

"See you there Roddy." Heather said before smirking and popping out her ass dramatically.

roddy... That nickname made y/n's blood boil and she never wanted to hear it again.

"I swear! I-I did not agree to any of the shit she just yapped about." Rodrick panicked whilst stumbling over his words like a nervous teenager, that familiar feeling rising again but this time towards y/n.

"Hard to believe Rodrick. Or should i say Roddy... God! i shouldnt have been so naive. I'm so stupid! I thought you were over her." Y/n lashed out before storming out the classroom in a hurry, not thinking straight.

"Wait! Fuck. That fucking bitch Heather." Rodrick sighed out as he reached for the class door.

You found yourself slanting against a crusty brick wall beside a half broken vending machine. You don't know why you overreacted so fast without even bothering to hear Rodrick's explanation but maybe it was because you were so stupidly insecure. You quickly fumbled around your pants pockets to find an old packet of ciggs you remembered you left there. There were 2 left so you lit one up and breathed in the pure comfort. It felt nice to not care just for a second with the cigarette around. When it could have gotten more peaceful you heard a set of obnoxious dorky feet approach you.

"Hey." Rodrick said lightly as he squatted down to your eye level, lanky hands hanging by each sides of his knees.

It made you jump a little and your facade of wanting to remain mad slowly revealed itself. You couldn't help but suppress a tight smile from leaking out.

"What" You said as you blew a whiff of smoke away from his face. His heart fluttered at the small gesture.

"I really did not agree to what Heather told you." He said seriously which was a rare look on Rodrick.

"Are you sure? Cuz it seems like you two are getting along just fine" Y/n sighed as she pushed her hair back, Rodrick's heart beat pounding harder by the second.

"Please, believe me I- I really did not agree to anything, I-I really want you to believe me please." Rodrick was pleading which was something she only saw when he was lovesick. At that moment she knew he couldn't harm her emotionally.

"Alright. Fine, I believe you." Y/n said with a tired voice, though deep down she was glad she could read Rodrick like an open book.

"Im so sorry." Rodrick sighs before nuzzling his head in the crook of her neck, still a nervous wreck whenever he handled her.

She releases her cig and reaches in to hug him back tightly and lovingly before breathing in the intoxicating scent of him. Far better than a cig.

Just around the corner was a cheeky little Heather, listening in to every single decibel of the convo. Heather tightly rolled her eyes and scoffed before it turned into a smirk. Something clicked in her head. She knew what she had to do.

She was going to fake it till she made it.

---------------------------

lol i feel like this story deserves a pt3 so if this does well i will continue it! I know this has been a long times worth of progress but i've been procrastinating writing like crazy lately and i've only started getting back into it. Anyway please do request because i'm always bored and free !

#rodrick fanfiction #rodrick heffley x reader #rodrick heffley fanfiction #rodrick imagines #rodrick smut #smut #rodrick #diary of a wimpy kid rodrick #rodrick fanfic #rodrick heffley #rodrick x reader #rodrick rules #rodrick x y/n #not my rodrick

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manic-eddie · 2 years

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i miss my baby boy rodrick🥲💔

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embodyingchaos · 8 months

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Heyy

So can I ask van u do a Roderick hcs??? If u do tysm

❥ hii there, hun! of course, i can! i wasn't sure if you wanted general headcanons or dating headcanons, so i did both! hope this is okay! (im so sorry this is so short and LATE)

general/dating rodrick headcanons warnings: kissing, awkward roddy

okay so i feel like you would meet rodrick most likely at school and when you do he won’t warm up to you immediately

then once you bring up rock/punk music or anything emo he’ll be like ALL EARS and just start yapping away

i feel like rodrick would be a bit unintentionally mean/rude because he doesn’t think before he speaks but it could also be because he’s trying to impress you ykyk

he’ll tell you about his band of course, and invite you to every damn band practice but you don’t mind obviously

then if he develops a crush on you, he’ll try to play it smooth and cool and ultimately fail because he’s a huge ass goofball

and you’ll probably be able to tell bc you aren’t that dumb, so when he confesses you’ll be like “...i know.” and he’ll be like “whaaa??” LMAO

FOR YOUR FIRST DATE HE’LL BE SO CLICHE LIKE A MOVIE THEN DINNER AT A FAST FOOD PLACE and yall just end the night

OH OH you guys would end the night by laying on the top of his van and just stargazing quietly together or smth

you’d try to kiss his cheek when he drops you off at your house but he accidentally turns and you kiss his lips instead and yall just blush SO MUCH AAAA

this is all i have i apologise

#rodrick heffley #rodrick heffley headcanons #dating rodrick heffley #rodrick heffley x reader #rodrick heffley x gn reader #gender neutral reader #rodrick heffley oneshot #rodrick heffley imagine #rodrick #diary of a wimpy kid #diary of a wimpy kid headcanon #headcanons

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goatcheesecak3 · 7 months

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Sleepy Rodrick, you mean so much to me

#diary of a wimpy kid #rodrick headcanon #rodrick rules #rodrick hefflei #rodrick #doawk #diary of a wimpy kid rodrick #rodrick heffley #rodrick fanfic

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definitelynotbrucewayne · 5 months

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Nothing to see here — Transmasc goals

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werewolf-witchboy · 11 months

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Rodrick Heffley X male reader

You and Rodrick are both emo, dumb, and queer. 💀

This is shorter than what I usually post.

Also, for some reason every time I typed "Rodrick" it always autocorrected to "Rodriguez" lmfao. I tried fixing it every time it did that, so hopefully there aren't any leftover "Rodriguez's" that I didn't catch.

You can't help but find it funny that Rodrick's mom busted him for having a porno mag, you teased him about it for weeks.

However, what you've just found in Rodrick's closet was a lot harder to tease him about. You didn't even think you should mention that you found it, you debated on keeping it a secret forever.

Rodrick had asked you to run up to his room to grab another pair of drumsticks for him, which he said was in his closet.

The drumsticks were nowhere to be found, so you had to dig around a little. Instead you found another porno magazine- which wouldn't have even phased you honestly, only what shocked you is that it's a gay porno magazine.

Rodrick was the type to make jokes about himself being into dudes, but you didn't actually think he was. After all, he has been your best friend ever since you moved to Plainview at the beginning of your Freshmen year.

You've both been through so much together; struggling through all 4 years of highschool as the wild emo outcasts, graduating, and forming the Löaded Diaper! You've even come out to him and told him you like guys, so you didn't think he'd keep something like that from you.

Maybe it's not that big of a deal. He probably didn't even know he had a gay porno mag amongst all of his junk. For all you know, it could have been one of yours that you left at his place.

Then again...why would you bring one of your own porno's to someone else's house?

You must have been taking forever getting the drum sticks that you originally came for, because minutes later Rodrick came through the door.

"You find em'? I know my closet is a mess, but-" Rodrick froze when you bravely showcased the magazine instead of a pair of drumsticks.

"Let me guess...this isn't yours?" You teased, mocking what he told his mom about the other magazine.

Rodrick stood up straight and cleared his throat, then strode over to snatch your find away.

"It is mine. Not like you should be surprised."

Well now your brain is malfunctioning.

"Um I am a little surprised, considering my best friend never told me he also likes dudes!" You try not to sound hurt, but it was kind of hard to hide your frustration considering you told him everything.

Rodrick legitimately looked dumbfounded and you tried not to laugh through your pout.

"What do you think I mean whenever I say shit like 'Kellin Quinn is my dream guy' and 'I'd kiss you if you'd let me'?!"

Your eyeliner smudged eyes are probably buldgeing out of your head right now.

"Um...I thought they were jokes?" Even as those words are coming out of your mouth you felt kinda stupid. For as long as you've known Rodrick, he's always said stuff like that.

Anyone also knows that Rodrick is never subtle when it comes to flirting, so you should have probably known that all of the random pickup lines he's used on you were most likely serious.

Rodrick's mouth hung open. "So you're telling me that I've basically just been hitting on a brick wall for 5 years?"

"i'M sOrRy! You know I have low self esteem! Whenever people like me I never notice because I don't think people will ever like me!!" Words all blended together as you spoke in a fast panicked pace.

Rodrick quite literally facepalmed.

You're lucky your obliviousness is cute or else he'd pumble you for talking down about yourself.

"I don't even know what to say right now." Rodrick was lost for words.

You awkwardly fiddled with your fingers, still sitting on the floor of his room in front of the closet. "If it means anything, I've had a crush on you for almost as long as I've known you." You puffed your cheeks out, feeling them becoming warm, probably turning pink.

Rodrick choked on his own spit. "iF IT MEANS ANYTHING TO ME???? HELL YES IT DOES!! How the heck you have a crush on me of all people?!" You looked down at the floor, kinda shocked that he doesn't understand why you'd like him.

"You're literally a hot emo boy who wasn't mean to me when I moved here. I had nothing before I met you, and you took me on so many adventures and showed me so many new things. I'm glad I met you, and it was hard not to fall for you."

It felt like you ranted a little too much, probably spilled a little to much and made yourself seem like a bit of a lonely loser without Rodrick.

You got a little scared when he wasn't saying anything. Your gaze lifted from the floor to meet his calculating expression.

His reply was simply just "can we makeout?"

aNd oF cOuRse yOu sAid yEs, and he tripped over his own shoes when tried to tackle you on the floor. The two of you ended up tangled together in a heated makout session that felt so satisfying after pining over each other for 5 damn years. You're both so stupid I stfg lol.

#diary of a wimpy kid #doawk #rodrick #rodrick heffley #x reader #x male reader #male reader #sfw #mlm #rodrick x reader #rodrick x y/n #rodrick x male reader #rodrick rules

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h3ffleyswife · 3 months

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"i cant hold my alcohol" (r. heffley x reader)

desc: fem! reader who's ben's little sister. drunken mishaps, you sleep in rodricks bed, just read it

warnings: slightly ooc rodrick ngl, i wrote this when i was tired lolz sry

word count: 2480

You buckle your seat belt and throw your purse on the floor of your brothers car. "We're going over to Rodricks, his parents are out of town so he's throwing a party, sound good?" Ben, your brother, says while reversing out of your guys' driveway. You furrow your eyebrows, "Rodrick? The hot one in your band?" You questioned, picking at the chipped nail polish on your fingernails. Ben looked over at you and scoffed, "I mean, whatever floats your boat. But no way would I ever let you two date. You guys would make my life a living hell." You roll your eyes and sigh, "Whatever, leave me to my fantasies, Ben."

Your brother's face contorts into one of disgust and he pulls in front of a house that you can only assume is the Heffley's. "Please, spare me with the details of your Rodrick fantasies." Ben says, putting the car in park and taking his keys. You giggle to yourself and hop out of his shitty, beat up car. You can see lots of kids already here, most of them already wasted out of their minds. Ben walks in front of you towards the front door, and your heart flutters with nerves.

Stepping through the door, the first thing that hits your nose is alcohol, and it almost makes you nauseous. Ben's already gone off somewhere, so you walk around until you can find the drinks. Peeking your head into the kitchen, there's a couple borderline fucking on Rodricks kitchen counter. You scrunch your eyebrows and turn around, there didn't seem to be any drinks in there anyways.

It takes you about five minutes and squeezing your way through a bunch of intoxicated, smelly teens, but you finally find the drinks. Gwen Stefani is blasting in your ear while you pour yourself a coke mixed with a little bit of whatever shitty alcohol Rodrick managed to get his hands on. You take a sip, there's not too much alcohol in the drink, which is good. You don't plan on getting drunk tonight.

Rodrick is standing in a corner of his living room, chatting it up with his band members when Ben walks up to him. Rodrick greets him with a high five and a large grin on his face, "What's up dude? What took you so long?!" Chris asks Ben, also giving the boy a high five. "Sorry guys, my sister took hella long to get ready, but we made it!" Ben said and took a sip of his drink, he's lucky you already agreed to being designated driver, because there was enough alcohol in his cup to kill a victorian child. Rodricks ears perked up at the mention of you, "Your sister's here?" Rodrick questioned Ben, who looked at him with a raised brow. "Yeah.. she's somewhere around here, why? Is that okay? She's in our grade, it's not like I brought my 7 year old sister or anything." Ben rambles, Rodrick's now scanning the room for your familiar face.

It's been a running "joke" between the band that Rodrick has a thing for you, Ben's sister, for a while now. Any time you showed up with Ben to practice because of convenience, Rodricks playing would be off, and he'd be distracted the whole practice. There was just something about you, Rodrick thought to himself. "Hey man, stop daydreaming about Ben's sister!" Chris waves his hand in front of Rodricks face and laughs, making Rodrick blink a couple times before laughing nervously and looking at Ben. Ben rolls his eyes before making eye contact with Rodrick, "I wouldn't actually be upset if you tried to date my sister, but I swear on my mother, Rodrick, that I will put you six feet under if you screw her over." Ben places his hand on Rodricks shoulder and tightens his grip, making Rodrick gulp nervously before nodding quickly, "Of course dude, I wouldn't do anything to purposely hurt her!" He swats Ben's hand away, "I have business to attend to, gentlemen." Rodrick shouts, walking- maybe skipping- away to go find you. Ben sighs and takes another swig of his drink while Chris laughs to himself, turning to go try and talk to a girl.

You're leaning against a wall, starting to get mildly bored, when someone taps your shoulder. Turning around, you see Rodrick. Your face immediately gets hot and you give him a small smile, "Hey!" Rodrick says with a smile, giving you a quick once-over. You pretend not to see him looking you up and down, feeling an unfamiliar feeling in your stomach. "Hey Rodrick, how's it going?" You ask, your voice shaky and hands clammy enough to open a seafood restaurant. You cleared your throat awkwardly, normally, you were able to hold a conversation with him, why was it so different now? Rodrick gives you a nervous smile and stutters out a reply, "Well, throwing a party is way harder than it seems, y'know. How've you been? I don't really see you around school much." He smiles at you and you feel like you've just levitated off of the ground, "Haha, yeah I bet. I'm not doing too bad, just kind of doing my own thing, you know? I haven't been doing a lot recently, but I did just pick up a new guitar the other day, learning it's been kind of a pain in the ass though." You find yourself starting to ramble. Rodrick just looks at you and melts into your voice, nodding at certain parts. "You should teach me how to play once you've got it down. I could teach you how to play the drums, not to flex or anything, but I'd say I'm pretty good" Rodrick says and crosses his arms, smirking to himself. You laugh and shake your head, "If you sound anything like you did a couple months ago, I think I'll pass on those lessons, Rodrick" You giggle, watching his face fall.

"Hey! I've improved, thank you! And I wasn't even that bad..." Rodrick looks away with a pink face, and you find yourself smiling at the boy. "Sorry, sorry. I'll have to take you up on those drum lessons, then." Rodrick looks at you and laughs, "You want another drink?" You look at your empty cup and shrug, "Sure, why not."

Rodrick leads you into the dining room where he had drinks laid out on the table, "Let me make you something, are you driving later?" He asks you, and you pause, "I could find a ride home". He raises his eyebrow, "You could always just crash over here if that's okay with you?" Your stomach twists in excitement and you nod, "That's fine by me, why are you trying to get me drunk, Heffley? Don't try anything funny" You say and take the drink he's made you out of his hands, throwing him a smirk afterwards. Rodrick's eyes go wide and he stutters and trips over his own words, "W-wait!! I'm not trying- that's not-" You cut him off by laughing loudly, shaking your head. "I'm just giving you a hard time, if I didn't want to drink, I wouldn't have agreed to you making me drink." Rodrick lets out a loud sigh and playfully glares at you, "Gave me a heart attack" He grumbles and you giggle again, taking another sip of your drink. It was pretty strong, and you realized you should tell your brother to figure out a ride home because you were no longer going to drive him home. You take another sip, "Hey, do you know where my brother is by any chance? I need to tell him i'm not gonna drive him home, maybe Chris can?" Your words start to slur together and Rodrick nods, "I'll go find him and tell him, stay right here, 'kay?" You nod and pour yourself another drink.

Rodrick shuffles through his now, very full, house and looks for Ben. He finally catches sight of the boy, but he's on his way out of the house. "Ben! Hold on-" Rodrick catches him walking out the door, Ben looks back and tilts his head to the side, "What's up dude?"

"Hey, do you have a ride home tonight?" "I was about to leave and drive mysel- oh shit I forgot about my sister, have you seen her?" Rodrick swallows nervously, "Yeah, we've been hanging out all night. Is she cool to stay here tonight? No funny business, I promise! She's just starting to get kind of drunk, and I need to stay home to like... supervise this party, you know?" Ben sighed and nodded, "Yeah, that's cool. Let me know if I need to come get her at any point. Don't do anything stupid, Rodrick. See you at practice tomorrow." Ben says, shutting the door after he does. Rodrick hopes he's not overly upset with him.

Making his way back to the dining room, Rodrick sees you beeline to the bathroom in front of him suddenly. He looks around confused for a moment before quickly following you to the bathroom, making sure you're okay. You slam the door behind you and Rodrick can hear the sound of you throwing up on the other side of the door. He winces and knocks on the door gently, "Hey, it's Rodrick, can I come in?"

There's a pause of silence. Rodrick can hear you cough, and then throw up again. After a minute or so passes, your voice can be heard weakly behind the door, "...come in". Rodrick opens the door, shoves himself in the bathroom and then quickly shuts it behind him again. You look up at him with tears in your eyes from throwing up, and the sudden motion of looking up makes you nauseous again, immediately throwing your head back towards the toilet bowl. Rodrick quickly kneels down next to you and holds your hair behind your head, and rubs your back.

After you're done throwing up, you look back at Rodrick, wiping your mouth with your sleeve. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to throw up like that. I can't hold my alcohol very well, I guess" You say, thoroughly embarrassed and wanting anything but to be here right now. Rodrick shushed you and tucked your hair behind your ear, "Here, I have a shirt you can change into, do you want pajama pants too? I'll get you water and you can lay down in my bed." He offers, holding you and slowly standing you up. You shake your head, "You don't have to do tha-" "I want to do that, do you need me to walk you upstairs? Or do you got it while I grab you some water?" He asks gently while walking you out the door. Your face turns pink and you sigh, knowing you couldn't avoid it now. "I got it, which room is yours?" "All the way down the hall and to the left, you'll know which one when you open it." He says, smiling and walking away to grab you a glass of water once he sees that you're walking up the stairs. Once you're up the stairs, you go to the room Rodrick told you to. Surprisingly, his room isn't terrible. Could it use some tidying up? Yeah, but for a teenage boy, it was fairly well kept. You sit down on his bed and wait for him, slipping your shoes off.

Rodrick opens the door, and cracks a small smile once he sees you sitting in his bed. You look up and give him a small smile back, grabbing the glass of water he offers you. He walks over and opens his wardrobe, grabbing you a black graphic tee and some pajama bottoms. When he hands you the clothes, you notice that he gave you one of his Loded Diper tee's, and you smile to yourself while your heart flutters. "I think I have these same pajama pants" You state, the pants looking very familiar. Rodrick laughs, "We should totally match, wouldn't that be cute?" He says, with a joking tone, but he meant it.

You looked up and giggled, "Turn around for a minute while I change" Rodrick's face goes red, and he nods before turning around. You take your shirt off and put on the Loded Diper shirt. It smells like cheap cologne and... Rodrick. You can't describe how he smells, but it makes your heart jump in your chest. You slide your pants off and put on the pajamas, looking up at Rodrick, who's still staring into the wall, focusing on anything but the fact that there's a hot girl changing in his room. "You can turn back around, Rodrick"

He turns around and his stomach flutters at the sight of you in his clothes. "Drink some water and lay down, you can go to bed if you want to. I'll sleep on the floor tonight." Rodrick says, taking a pillow off his bed and tossing it lightly on the floor. "I can sleep on the floor, Rodrick, I don't mind" "No, I'm not making a pretty girl sleep on the floor, do you think I'm crazy?" He says, almost offended at the thought of letting you sleep on his floor. You blush, and look away awkwardly with a quiet laugh. He smiles at you, and walks towards his door. "I'm gonna go tell people to go home, I'll be back up in a minute" You nod and he leaves the room.

Laying back in his bed, the situation you're in starts to sink in.

You're in Rodrick Heffley's bed. And you're wearing his clothes. What the fuck? Your heart pounds and you turn onto your side, closing your eyes and cuddling into his pillow. It wont hurt to close your eyes for a minute until Rodrick gets back.

Rodrick goes around downstairs, telling people that they should start to head home because it's getting late. People leave, and Rodrick has to kick a couple people awake off of his living room floor. He looks around at the mess that he'd have to deal with tomorrow and sighs. He'd probably just get Greg to help him with it.

Rodrick walks up the stairs and gently opens his bedroom door. He walks in, shutting the door behind him and then looks over to you, and his heart soars. He swears he can feel his heart pouring out of his chest, how was it possible for a girl to look so beautiful? He walks over to your sleeping figure and tucks your hair behind your ear, "You're so pretty.." He says quietly, and kisses the side of your head.

Rodrick makes himself a makeshift bed on his floor, staring at the small portion of your sleeping figure that he can see. "Goodnight" He says to you with a smile, turning over, thinking about you.

What an eventful night.

hey!!! first fic in a while, let me know if you'd want a part two, thx!!

#rodrick #rodrick heffley #rodrick x reader #rodrick heffley x reader #doawk rodrick #doawk #diary of a wimpy kid #x reader #rodrick fanfic #rodrick rules #diary of a wimpy kid x reader #h3ffleyswife

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disaster-writer · 1 year

Text

Teenage Dirtbag (Part 1/2)

Pairing: Rodrick Heffley x Reader

Summary: You and Rodrick Heffley grew up right next door to each other. You’re best friends and nothing could ever change that… at least that’s what you’ve always thought.

Rating: R 18+

Word count: 5k

A/N: I do not have a taglist

Suburbia.

Middle class, overwhelmingly white, everybody knows your name, suburbia.

You hated it, you were making a run for it once you graduated and you were going to make it big time.

That is, if you could just survive your annoying little brother until then—

“Give it back you little turd—“

”Mom said no more name calling!” Your eleven year old brother giggled as he ran opposite of you around the dining room table. He held your toaster waffle in his grimy little hands.

”I don’t give a shit— you’re gonna make me late!” You ran left and he ran right, swiftly evading you.

”What? Afraid your boyfriend is gonna ditch you and make you walk to school!” He practically cackled.

”Rodricks not my— ughh, just give me my breakfast you shit!” You leapt across the table, making your brother squeal like a little girl.

”(Y/N),” your mother suddenly hissed, entering the kitchen, “What did I say about name calling?”

”He stole my breakfast,” you threw back, laying across the table.

”David give your sister her waffle back. And both of you, go over to the Heffley’s already, Susan’s doing me a favor by driving you to school David, don’t keep her waiting.” Your mother said pointedly, her heels clipping against the linoleum floor as she moved about the kitchen to get her coffee brewed before heading off to work.

She continued talking but as your eyes landed back on your brother, her voice suspiciously morphed into the teachers voice from the peanuts.

Your brothers eyes landed on you as well, your waffle held in the air. Both your eyes darting back and forth to the breakfast food. That was until he daringly put the waffle in his mouth and took a bite.

That’s fucking it—

“You know what mom?” You suddenly jumped off the table, sounding chipper, “Rodrick said that he could give David a ride to school instead.”

”What?” your brother asked apprehensively, suddenly shaking in his shoes at your words.

”Huh? Really?” She asked surprised, turning to look at you, “Rodrick Heffley said he’d drive your brother to school?” She clearly wasn’t buying it. After years and years of seeing that boy hang around you, she knew he wasn’t handing out favors.

”Yeah, really.” You grinned, your gaze suddenly snapping to your brother and pinning him to the spot. A threat and a promise hanging in the air.

”Well… tell him I said thank you then. And honey, don’t you think you went a little heavy on the eyeliner today— what did you do to your jeans!” She then hissed in horror at the gaping holes in the knees of your pants.

”Leave me alone, it’s cool,” you scoffed and walked around the table, grabbing your brothers arm tight and dragging him out of the kitchen.

“You’re joking— Rodrick doesn��t even have backseats—“ your brother panicked behind you.

”I know. Maybe think twice about whose waffle you decide to eat.” The two of you grabbed your backpacks before you opened and slammed the front door behind you.

“This is a cruel and unusual punishment— you can go to jail for this—“

”Can it idiot,” you snapped, dragging your brother to the house right next door. The house that belonged to the Heffleys.

You knocked on their front door before letting yourself in. It was practically your second home at this point and Susan told you not to even bother waiting for someone to answer the door.

You pushed him forward before letting yourself in.

“Hi Susan, Hi Frank,” you called out, not bothering to greet them properly before bounding up the stairs and letting your brother wander around on his own in search of Greg. You heard muffled responses from the kitchen.

Once on the second floor you headed straight for the attic staircase, taking two at a time before finding the lump under the bedsheets you were looking for.

Now it was time for your favorite game.

You made your way over to Rodricks bed, grabbing two drumsticks on the way. You weren’t even trying to be quiet, floorboards creaking loudly under your feet.

Soon you stood above him, a devious grin painted on your face at how peaceful he looked in his sleep.

Time to ruin that.

You took both drumsticks and carefully stuck each of them up his nose, giggling quietly as you managed to get them to stay stuck in his nose. You then quickly took out your phone and started taking as many pictures of him as you could before he woke up.

Rodrick sniffled, trying to breathe past the objects obstructing his airway. You giggled harder watching as his nostrils twitched and flared and soon his whole face was screwed up in discomfort.

You burst out loudly in a fit of laughter, doubling over as he shot out of bed in a panic, the drumsticks falling out of his nose with gravity.

His groggy mind took a second to grasp the situation, but once it did he was quickly reaching out for you.

”You little—“

You yelped as his arms wrapped around your waist and he pulled you down against the bed with him. You struggled in his grasp, still laughing as he pinned you against his chest.

“Let. Go.” You wheezed through your laughter.

”Delete those photos!”

You continued to struggle in his grasp before he suddenly let go, causing you to fall off the bed with a grunt.

You blinked, staring up at the ceiling until Rodricks head popped over the side of his bed. His eyes narrowing.

”Stealing my look?”

You scoffed, “You don’t own eyeliner Heffley— by the way, you have to drive my brother to school today.”

”What? Why?” He complained, eyes following you as you stood up and plopped yourself right on his bed.

”I need to teach the little shit a lesson.”

”And you had to drag me into it,” he flopped backwards onto his bed.

“Coming from the guy that drags me into nearly every stupid idea he has.”

”You come willingly,” he said, pointing at you with a drumstick.

”Sure I do. Now get dressed so we can go,” you jumped to your feet, sprinting back down the stairs, whatever he said next falling on deaf ears.

You made your way back down stairs and into the kitchen where the rest of the Heffley’s, plus your brother, were gathered.

You sat yourself down and kicked your feet up on the breakfast table, reaching over for a pop tart that sat out on the table.

”Mornin’” you greeted through a mouthful of food.

”Morning…” Frank trailed off, staring at your feet propped up right next to him. The newspaper in his hand forgotten.

”Honey, you know what I’ve said about feet on the table.”

You sighed, pulling your feet off and sitting cross legged on the chair instead. “Sorry.”

”That’s alright and uh… you look nice?”

”Thanks,” you grinned.

”Yeah, the makeup is a bold choice,” Greg muttered sarcastically, making your brother laugh.

You narrowed your eyes and shut the both of them up. Greg had always gotten on your nerves the same way your little brother did.

”Rodrick said he’d drive Greg and David to school so you don’t have to.”

”He is?” Susan questioned. However, her shock quickly turned into excitement, “And he suggested this himself?”

”Sure did,” you grinned, taking another bite of your pop tart.

”Why would he do that?” Greg asked.

”Maybe your brother’s turning a new coin, don’t stop him from growing as a person.”

Suddenly, all six of you heard a shriek, your heads whipping towards the staircase as Rodrick stomped down the stairs.

”Mom! What did you do to my pants!?” He exclaimed, running into the kitchen, lifting a leg and pointing to the matter at hand.

Your gaze followed where he directed and you had to stifle a laugh.

For some reason, the rips in his jeans were patched with baby pink fabric.

”Oh, I fixed them for you,” Susan grinned, satisfied with herself. “They were torn to shreds so I patched them up.”

Rodrick stared at his mother with wide eyes, completely at a loss for how to respond, “I ripped them on purpose. And why did you use pink!” You bit down on your lip to keep from laughing, as his voice was becoming squeaky with frustration.

Susan rolled her eyes with a shake of her head, “Honestly Rodrick, I do you a favor and you only complain about it. Why would you rip your jeans in the first place? So you can look sloppy at school?”

”He wants to trick people into thinking he’s a famous rockstar,” you threw in. “I told him it was a stupid idea and that he was wasting the hard earned money you spend on his clothes by tearing them up but he just wouldn’t listen to reason,” you shrugged.

”Wha— It was your idea!”

“I have no idea what you’re talking abou— ahh,” you yelped as Rodrick charged forward and grabbed your leg, lifting it above the table and practically knocking you off the chair. Manny suddenly clapping with all the commotion.

”See! You did it too,” he pointed to the giant rips at the knees in your jeans, “She’s lying mom, she helped me rip them—“

”Okay, enough,” Susan said sharply, “She’s not my child so I can’t scold her. And it’s already— 7:45,” She suddenly gasped, seeing how late it was, “Will you all get ready so you’re not late to school.”

”Fine. Where are my other jeans?” Rodrick asked, dropping your leg and making you grunt.

”In the wash. I checked all your other pairs for tears and they all smelled so I’m washing them now. You’re lucky I set aside a pair for you this morning.”

”You’re saying, I have to go to school in these?” Rodrick asked, pointing at the monstrosity in question.

”Yes. Maybe next time you’ll think twice before ruining your clothes. Now all of you go.”

You sighed, getting up from your seat and slinging your backpack over your shoulder, your pop tart still in hand.

You glanced down at Rodrick’s jeans again and scoffed out another laugh, before passing him.

”Gimme that,” Rodrick scoffed right back, snatching your pop tart and shoving it in his mouth.

”Hey— that was mine!”

”I don’t care, traitor,” Rodrick’s words muffled by the pop tart, “C’mon turd nuggets,” he yelled over his shoulder to the middle schoolers, who nervously followed you two.

”Calm down already. I’ll help you rip the patches off,” you rolled your eyes, pulling the front door open with him suddenly pushing you forward.

The younger kids shut the door behind all of you.

”I can’t with those two,” Susan sighed. “All these years and I still can’t figure out if they’re good or bad influences on each other.”

”Well, anyone that can keep Rodrick from sleeping straight through an entire day is good in my books,” Frank said, placing his newspaper down, and taking a sip of his coffee.

“… You’re sure you don’t think they’re in a relationship?” Susan asked, making Frank sigh.

“We’ve been over this honey. Rodrick’s too… he’s not…” Frank tried to select the words carefully as to not say out loud that he thought his son was dumb as a box of rocks. “I just don’t think he’d be able to keep a secret like that.”

”Yeah… you’re right I guess. They just— they seem to be,” Susan glanced at her youngest son, choosin her own words carefully now, “Very comfortable with each other.”

Frank looked up in thought, thinking about how close the two of you seemed… how much closer the two of you seemed after this summer specifically…. Even more specifically after a certain vacation you guys went on with your friends back in July. “You don’t think they’ve…”

Susan raised her eyebrows and shrugged.

”No— no, they couldn’t have.”

”I don’t know Frank. I’m just saying it’s something we should look out for. You know how teenagers are.”

Frank swallowed nervously at the thought of mini Rodricks running around the house.

—

If you had to choose, this was probably your favorite pastime. Riding around in the Löded Diper van, screaming Guns N Roses at the top of yours and Rodricks terrible voices, all the while tormenting your little brothers in the back.

Nothing beats this.

“Welcome to the jungle!— stop moving! I’m gonna stab you!” You yelled over the music as your head was practically in Rodricks lap as you tried to rip up the patches from his jeans… which wasn’t exactly a good look for either of you if anyone decided to look in.

”I’m trying!” He yelled back, “I can’t when I’m driving— stop pushing on my leg, you’re gonna make me hit the car in front of us.”

”You want these patches off or what?”

Rodrick just grunted in response, slamming on the breaks at a red light.

Your brothers’ screams in the back were like music to both of your ears.

“We’re gonna die,” David panted as both him and Greg finally stopped flying around the back of the van.

”I know,” Greg responded. “Why do we get stuck with these two as our siblings— I know someone whose brother takes him out for ice cream after school every Friday.”

”With our luck Rodrick and (Y/N) will get married one day and then we’ll never be able to get rid of them.”

”Ew— ahh!” Greg’s nose screwed up in disgust at the idea of you two marrying each other, right before being jolted backwards as Rodrick slammed on the gas.

A few more minutes of driving and you all came to another rough stop, the music clicking off. “Get out losers,” Rodrick yelled behind him, lifting his leg so you could get a better angle at ripping the threads.

”But we’re not at school,” Greg said, peering out the back window.

”You both have two legs. Walk,” You answered back, throwing a pink patch behind your seats.

”You two just wanna make out, don’t you,” Your brother spat.

You and Rodrick instinctively looked at each other, faces screwed up in disgust.

”Ew,” he hissed.

”As if,” you scoffed, “Now go before I kick your ass.”

You managed to rip off the rest of the patches before school started, his jeans once again looking like the distressed mess you both created in the first place. And you only got away with one stab to his leg, and a little bit of blood but he didn’t need to know about that part.

Parking the van, you both stumbled out, making your way to the building for another day full of napping through lessons.

And hey, you were only twenty minutes late today.

—

You truly didn’t understand why you and the rest of your friends even bothered with school at this point. You weren’t sure a single one of you got through an entire day without skipping or falling asleep in at least one class and you all just copied off of others homework.

Those friends, being the rest of the members of Löded Diper… you didn’t have many girlfriends, for some reason they thought it was weird you hung out around these guys so much. But you didn’t care, you were all going to be famous after high school. You were only a roadie and supporter of the band but that wasn’t going to stop you from becoming famous.

Before you knew it, this fine Friday was over and you and the band would be free for the entire weekend to screw around like usual.

By 3:10 you were climbing into the passenger side of Rodrick’s van once again. Rodrick in the drivers seat and the rest of the guys in the back.

As if on cue, an arm was thrown around the back of your seat and a head popped between you and Rodrick.

“Hello beautiful,” Ben greeted, leaning forward to place a kiss on your cheek only to be stopped by your hand against his face.

”Hi Ben,” you grinned, ��And how was your day?”

”Good,” he mumbled against your hand, picking his lips against your palm in a weak kiss.

”Enough,” Rodrick said, pushing his friend into the back by the shoulder.

”I’m impressed,” you said, seeing all three of them there, “Not a single one of us got detention today.”

”No, I did,” Chris said, “I’m just skipping.”

”Nice,” the rest of you nodded.

With that Rodrick put the van into drive and sped out of the school’s parking lot.

Unlike your little brothers, Ben, Chris, and eventually Bill once you picked him up, actually knew how to have fun. They all laughed and cheered as they were being thrown around the van instead of whining like a bunch of babies.

Finally making it into the garage of the Heffley’s house you found yourself making yourself comfortable on the couch in the garage as Löded Diper began their rehearsal, cheering for them as they all played.

The other thing about the suburbs was when you were stuck in high school and you lived in the suburbs, the monotony of it all took quite the toll on you. There was nothing to keep you occupied, no way to have fun, which was why you and Rodrick were usually left to your own devices and had to find the fun somewhere else.

You would include the other guys as you were all together for the most part, but living right next door to the Heffleys and not only that, being able to see into each other’s rooms, you and Rodrick did tend to spend most of your time together. Because even when you weren’t allowed to see each other due to being grounded or whatnot, you still both snuck each other into the other’s room just to hang out.

Huh… you were starting to see why your brother was convinced you two were dating.

And maybe you would if you were Heather or Rodrick was… literally anybody else.

It was an hour into rehearsal already, you bopped your head along with the atrocious music, singing their awful lyrics to yourself.

That was until Susan came in.

”Rodrick,” she tried, but they kept playing, “Rodrick,” she tried again, this time effectively getting all of you to shut up. “I need to talk to you inside. Now.”

”Oooh,” you instigated, quickly shutting up when Susan shot you a look.

Rodrick stood up, walking around the drumset, “Go ahead and talk. We’re a band,” he came to a stop in front of his mom, “We have no secrets.”

”Okay, fine.” She then pulled out a magazine from behind her back and held it in front of her. Your eyes nearly popped out of your head at the dirty magazine she found.

Rodrick was stunned, “Tha—“ he pointed at the magazine, “That’s not mine,” he was wavering, you could tell.

”Well, it was in your backpack—“

”No, it was in my room.”

Idiot.

“Does owning this magazine make you a better person?”

It looked like it was time for a lecture.

“No.”

”Did it make you more popular at school?”

“Yes,” Rodrick nodded, looking around at all of you before his eyes landed back on his mom and he realized that that was in fact the wrong answer, “No.” he quickly took back.

“How do you feel about,” she took a step forward, “Having owned this, type of magazine?”

Rodrick thought for a second, “… Ashamed,” he grinned.

”Nice,” Chris cheered.

Susan nodded, her grip so tight on the magazine that you were sure she’d rip it any second. She took another step forward, face to face with her son, “Do you have anything you want to say,” she placed a hand over her heart, “To women. For having owned this offensive magazine?”

Rodrick stared down at his mom, struggling for words.

“I’m sorry, women.”

The rest of the guys started clapping for Rodrick until Susan pinned them with a sharp look, making them stop.

”And I want you to apologize to (Y/N).”

Rodrick scoffed, glancing at you on the couch before looking back at his mom, “Why?”

”Why?” Susan asked, affronted, “Because she is a beautiful young woman that you consider a friend. Owning this magazine is offensive to girls like her.”

”Um… I don’t really care Susan—“ you quickly shut your mouth as she shot you another look.

”Yeah but (Y/N) isn’t like a woman woman,” Rodrick said.

“Excuse me?” Susan hissed.

”Y’know what I mean,” he was starting to flounder again, “She-she’s not like the women in the magazine…” he trailed off.

”What? Just because she isn’t taking naked photos on motorcycles, you don’t consider her a woman?”

”I wouldn’t be opposed to that,” Ben suddenly tried to joke, making you roll your eyes.

Susan ignored him, watching as Rodrick really didn’t know the answer to these questions anymore. “Uh— yes— no. I don’t know, she’s just (Y/N)—“

”Apologize,” she cut him off sharply.

Rodrick then shuffled his way to you, standing in front of your seated form, “I’m sorry for owning that magazine (Y/N).”

“And,” Susan snapped.

”And for not seeing you as a woman…?” He glanced back at his mom to make sure he said the right thing but was only met with an eye roll.

”I forgive you,” you played along, “And don’t worry. I don’t see you as a man,” you grinned sharply as the others all cheered at your diss.

“You’re grounded for two weeks,” Susan said, she was so angry her voice was shaking. She then swiftly turned around and began to stalk out of the garage.

”Ok settle down Susan. I think one week is plenty!”

She quickly turned back around on her heel, “Make it four weeks and I’m gonna need the keys to your van!”

”My van?”

”Yes. Your van. And I want all of you out of here in an hour.” With that she turned around and left the garage.

”I’m gonna become a stripper just to spite you Heffley,” you grunted in annoyance at his whole woman comment about you.

”Yes! I support you (Y/N)!” Ben cheered.

“Yeah that’ll show me,” Rodrick grumbled, “Let’s just get one more song in.” With that he seated himself behind his drum set and the boys practiced for some more.

—

“I bet you feel pretty stupid now for owning that magazine,” you called out, sitting on the roof just outside your window, staring up at Rodrick as he leaned out his window.

”I don’t even know how she found it,” he practically whined. “I hid it under my bed, and she never checks there anymore after The Thing she found under there.”

”Oh right, that.” You shivered at the memory of what you and Rodrick now called ‘The Thing’ that may have been alive at one point under his bed. “Did she take your keys yet.”

”Yeah.”

”Are you banned from driving to school too?”

”I’m banned from driving anywhere. That includes your car.”

”Shit.” You hissed. That meant you’d have to drive the two of you to school instead and you weren’t exactly comfortable behind the wheel yet.

A comfortable silence filled the air between you two, and you sighed, basking in the cooling air as the sun was setting.

”Y’know Heather Hills asked about you today.”

”Really?”

”No,” you laughed. He always fell for that.

He frowned, ”Yeah well, Nick asked about you today.”

”Really?”

”No,” he laughed loudly.

Oh right. You always fell for that too.

”Asshole.”

”Bitch.”

“I’m gonna tell your mother you’re not being very respectful towards women again.”

”Then have fun driving me to school for two months instead of one.”

”Whatever,” you grumbled under your breath. “Are we still hanging out tomorrow or are you taking the grounding thing seriously this time.”

”We can hang,” he grumbled gnawing at a hangnail now. “Y’know it was probably my stupid brother that told her.”

”Maybe it was. He likes sneaking into your room doesn’t he.”

”Yeah…. Yeah,” Rodrick’s eyes lit up as he seemed to realize something, “That little—“ Rodrick quickly took off after that, leaving you to laugh at the entire situation by yourself.

—

People often wonder why me and Rodrick aren’t a couple. And I always tell them that I grew up with him. I see him nearly 24/7. He’s usually the first person I talk to in the morning. We have breakfast together, go to school together, we even share a bunch of the same classes. We usually even get detention together. We also torture our brothers together.

And what am I supposed to do after school when I’m bored and alone at home? Well I’d just have to go over to my best friends house that I’ve already seen all day anyway, because what else am I supposed to do? And what? Am I just not supposed to hang out with him and the other guys when they come over to rehearse. We even used to have sleepovers a lot when we were younger, but ever since high school our parents banned us from those. I think they’re scared we’re gonna fuck or something.

As if.

Rodrick’s more like a brother to me I think. I mean, I see him just as much if not more than my own brother anyway.

So of course I wouldn’t fuck him. You don’t fuck your brother bcuz ew.

Anyway… today Rodrick got grounded today because his mom found one of his dirty magazines. I was pretty sure Greg was to blame and turns out I was right, Rodrick texted me like ten minutes ago that Greg stole his stash and was holding them as black mail. But Rodrick managed to get him to give them back. So much for Greg’s plan I guess.

And now I’m just writing in here, sitting on the bathroom floor, naked in a towel. I just took a shower and I’m being too lazy to get dressed right now… I’m blasting some Metallica right now and damn they’re good. Too bad Löded Diper doesn’t sound like them. At least they got passion I guess.

Anyway… I guess I should stop being lazy and actually get dressed.

You slammed your diary shut, shaking out your cramped writing hand.

You stood up, not bothering to take the towel with you and just abandoning it on your bathroom floor along with your diary. You sang softly along to Master of Puppets playing in your bedroom, nodding your head along to the beat.

You shoved your bathroom door open, the music in your bedroom louder now as you swayed along to it.

You bounded over to your dresser, leaving damp foot prints in your carpet. You jumped over the blood stain on your rug. You had Rodrick to thank for that one after he cracked a bat over your head, thinking you were Greg instead… the entire week after that was a blur.

You pulled open your underwear drawer with the one good knob, the knob missing on the other side of the drawer was thanks to your brother crashing into your dresser one day.

You pulled out a pair and shimmied them up your legs as you continued to dance along with the music.

Now however, there was a full concert on blast in your head. It took you a while to find the discarded T-shirt you usually slept in, especially with the distraction of the music playing but eventually you found it rolled up in your comforter as usual. And finally as the song ended you pulled on the Löded Diper t-shirt Rodrick made for you.

However, what you saw quickly got rid of the good mood you were in. Because once your head popped through the hole, you made direct eye contact with Rodrick Heffley through your windows.

You forgot to close your fucking blinds.

He was in shock… you were in shock. His jaw hung open, eyes popping out of his head.

The next thing that happened you were sure the entire neighborhood heard as you and Rodrick both screamed at the top of your lungs. He ran straight out of his room and you ran straight for the blinds that you quickly shut.

Your best friend just saw you butt ass naked.

—

Extra:

Frank walked into his bedroom, ready to settle down for the night after a long night of painting his Civil War figurines.

As he began unbuttoning his button down, he had found his wife already in bed with a magazine in hand.

Everything seemed as usual… that was until he did a double take of the magazine in her hands.

”Uh… Honey?” He asked carefully, approaching her side of the bed. “Whatcha reading?”

“I found this in Rodrick’s backpack today,” she huffed, clearly still angry with her son.

”Okay… is there a reason you’re ‘reading’ it then?”

She looked up at her husband. “I was about to toss it out when I realized some of the pages were dog eared, so like any concerned mother I decided to take a look at what exactly my son is looking at so often that he has to dog ear it.”

”Right, yeah. Cause that’s… rational,” Frank spoke hesitantly.

”And look!” She opened one of the pages that were dog eared and showed Frank a two page spread of some naked woman. Frank quickly panicked and looked up at the ceiling.

“Uh huh?” He nodded.

”Frank, tell me who this girl looks like.”

Frank glanced back down carefully at the pages, before his eyes widened in realization. He yanked the magazine from her hands.

”She— That’s (Y/N)!” He realized in horror that his son was actively searching for naked women that looked like his best friend, whether or not he was aware of that, Frank didn’t know.

Suddenly saying it out loud sent a shiver down both their spines and Frank quickly shut the magazine. They both agreed that was enough for tonight.

But the vision of the mini Rodricks was becoming more and more vivid by the second.

#rodrick #rodrick heffley #rodrick x reader #rodrick heffley x reader #diary of a wimpy kid #diary of a wimpy kid fanfic #devon bostick #rodrick fanfic #rodrick rules #not my rodrick #rodrick fanfiction #rodrick Heffley fanfic #rodrick heffley fanfiction #loded diper

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strawberoni · 10 months

Text

rodrick art because i hate him 🙄

#rodrick #rodrick heffley #greg heffley #heffleys #diary of a wimpy kid fanart #diary of a wimpy kid #doawk #doawk fanart #my art <3 #digital arwork #procreate #book fanart #rkgk #loded diper #idk what else to put here

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satansapostle6 · 1 month

Text

Kids | Rodrick Heffley

Spotify Playlist Link

Rodrick Heffley becomes obsessed when he finally meets his thirty-five year old band mate, Bill Walter’s, younger sister.

Warnings: Mature themes/language. Sexual content.

“Break Stuff”

“Black Hole Sun”

“Mom, I cleaned my room yesterday!”

“No, you did not, young man!”

Sara Walter sat patiently on the stairs of the Heffley house, arms crossed lazily as she listened to her boyfriend arguing with his mother for the second time that day.

“Mom! I cleaned my room right after you told me to! Greg saw me!” Rodrick exclaimed, looking up the stairs for support. “Hey! Greg! Greg!”

Susan Heffley sighed, exasperated as she heard her younger son’s voice respond.

“Yeah?!”

Greg ran down the stairs with Rowley in an instant, worried he was about to get in trouble with either Rodrick or his mom. He stood on the stairs just behind where Sara was sitting, as Rowley Jefferson stood behind him, waiting patiently.

“Did I, or did I not, clean my room yesterday when Mom told me to?” Rodrick asked expectantly.

“You did,” Greg said after a moment of thought, “I saw you.”

Rodrick threw up his hands at the revelation, looking back to Susan. “I told you so.”

“Well, if you did clean your room yesterday, you didn’t do a very good job,” she smiled sarcastically. “Clean it again.”

“But, Mom!”

“‘But’ nothing, it’s a pigsty in there,” Susan insisted in disgust.

“You’re being dramatic, there’s only a few shirts and jackets on the bed.”

“Rodrick,” Sara mumbled, “It’s fine, we can go after—”

“Then it won’t be that hard to pick them up!” she argued, cutting Sara off.

“But, I’m supposed to take Sara out for sushi!” Rodrick complained. “I saved up all month…”

“You’re not going anywhere if you don’t clean your room,” Susan repeated.

“Can’t I just clean it after?!”

“Rodrick, it’s fine,” Sara whispered, silently pleading with him.

“You know, Rodrick, I’m getting real sick of this attitude of yours,” she said crossly, “Ever since you started hanging around Sara, you’ve been irritable and rude. I think she’s a bad influence on you, Rodrick.”

Sara looked up at Susan with her mouth sitting agape, a look of disbelief in her eyes.

“But, Mom,” Greg spoke up, as Rowley began to seem visibly afraid, “Sara hasn’t even said anything this whole time—”

“Greg, this is between me and your brother,” Susan stated sharply, as Rowley pointedly backed up up the stairs.

“Sara has nothing to do with this!” Rodrick just stared at her.

“Hey, guys,” Frank Heffley’s voice cut in.

Everyone turned to see Frank standing by the stairs, confused by the fact that his entire household was gathered near the front door just before dinner time.

“What’s going on?” he questioned.

Susan was the first to speak, as Rowley and Sara were both equally uncomfortable as guests in the Heffley house.

“Your son is refusing to re-clean his room before he leaves the house with his girlfriend,” Susan explained promptly.

“…But, I just saw his room, there’s just some clothes on the bed,” Frank said, before seeing the look of pure anger in his wife’s eyes.

Then, everyone was silent once again.

“Frank. Tell your son that he needs to respect my wishes, and that we feel his girlfriend has been a bad influence on him,” Susan spoke firmly.

“We do?” Frank questioned, feeling as if he’d missed something.

“Yes!”

“Hey, I can just leave,” Sara offered, standing up out of extreme discomfort.

“Yes, I think that would be best,” Susan decided with a nod.

“No!” Rodrick cut in, angry on Sara’s behalf as she stood behind him. “You’re staying, and I’m gonna take you out for the best dinner ever!”

“Susan, maybe he can just clean his room once he gets home,” Frank offered a compromise, “You’ll be home before nine. Yes?” he asked with authority.

“Yes,” Rodrick nodded, growing frustrated with the situation.

“Absolutely not! He needs to learn responsibility!”

“He is learning responsibility!” Frank expressed. “And my stomach needs to learn what food is!”

“He hasn’t learned a thing!” Susan screamed back. “Not while he’s dating that—”

Greg’s face fell in horror, and his older brother was fuming. Sara stood behind Rodrick, experiencing more emotions than she cared to in the moment.

“While he’s dating that what, Mom?!” Rodrick shouted. “What is she, Mom?”

“She’s…” the woman just sighed. “She’s Bill.”

Rodrick’s eyes darkened with rage as everyone grew even more tense, if that was even possible.

Susan angrily shut her eyes for a moment, overwhelmed. “Rodrick—“

“No. You don’t get to bash Sara, again, just because you’re pissed at me!”

“So Sara’s exempt from criticism, just because she’s your girlfriend?!”

“Jesus Christ!”

Everyone slowly turned in horror, seeing Sara sobbing as she remained beside Rodrick, who stood blocking the door, stained black tears running down her face.

“Can I please just leave?!” she screamed.

Her heart was beating faster than she could track it, and she was shaking profusely. Frank Heffley looked at her with pity as Greg and Rowley both started to get scared for her and Rodrick.

“No, babe,” Rodrick said, taking her hand, “We’re gonna sort this out.”

“Sort what out?!” Sara cried, “She’s never gonna like me! No matter what I do!”

“Well, why should I like you?!” Susan asked confrontationally. “You smell like cigarettes, and you do drugs with my son, and you put crazy ideas in his head!”

“Susan,” Frank said quietly, glancing up the stairs, “The kids…”

She was past the point of taking them into consideration.

“‘Crazy ideas’?!” Sara questioned. “What crazy ideas?!”

“That a 2.9 GPA is a good thing to have, for one!”

“That’s what this is about?!” Sara gasped. “Rodrick came over to my house, crying because you all but called him stupid! I told him he wasn’t stupid, how am I the asshole here?!”

“You cannot speak to me that way!” Susan thundered.

“And you can speak about me, and my family that way?!” Sara screamed.

“Oh, don’t play the victim!” Susan shouted. “Just because you’re the one with the white trash family, and the crazy mom, and the dead cousin, no one can criticize you!”

Sara’s eyes widened as she froze, every instinct in her body screaming at her to start swinging.

“Jesus Christ, Susan!” Frank exclaimed.

“No, I’m tired of it!” she yelled, pointing an accusing finger at Sara as she froze, her fight or flight response beginning to kick in.

Evidently, ‘flight’ seemed to be the safer option when it came to your boyfriend’s mother.

“I’m tired of walking on eggshells around a seventeen year-old girl who used to do drink, and do drugs, and cut, and have sex with any boy who looked in her direction. My friend worked with her mother; even her own mother doesn’t like her! You should’ve heard the things she overheard!”

“Mom, stop!” Greg yelled.

But everything was already in motion. Sara had already forcibly pushed past Rodrick, and ran out the front door.

“Sara!”

Rodrick glared hatefully at his mother one last time before running out after her.

“Rodrick! Get back in here!” Susan shouted.

“Susan…!”

Frank didn’t even know what to say.

“What?!” she snapped furiously.

“Mom!” Greg cried, as Rowley ran up the stairs out of fear. “I love Sara!”

Susan looked up at her middle son in complete shock.

“What’s to like about a girl like that?!”

“Why do you hate her so much?!” Greg demanded.

“Because! She smokes, she drinks—”

“So does Rodrick!” he pointed out. “How is she any worse?!”

There was a pause as she tried to formulate a response.

“Mom, there was no reason to say that about her,” Greg sighed, hurt. “Sara loves Rodrick. And she loves us too.”

“No, she doesn’t,” Susan scoffed skeptically.

“Yes, she does!” Greg argued as his father just listened. “When she comes over, she asks you if she can give Manny candy, doesn’t she?”

There was no immediate answer to the question.

“When she comes over, she makes sure Rodrick does what he’s supposed to. She always makes sure he’s home on time when they go out. She asks me how school is, and she listens to my answer. She helped me with my history paper.

“She calls me names like ‘kid’ and ‘champ’ and ‘tiger’ because she thinks it’s funny. She told me if I ever wanna buy a girl jewelry, I have to know whether she likes gold or silver. She hugged Rowley for a full three minutes that time he came over after he heard his parents arguing,” Greg reminded her.

Susan was silent, not seeming to have any specific reaction to the case he’d made.

“Sara isn’t a bad influence on Rodrick. She’s the reason he’s happy. She’s the reason he hits me less and actually tries on his homework now,” Greg sighed. “Whatever‘s going on with you guys has nothing to do with her.”

Frank watched as his son ran back upstairs, taking one look at his wife before he ran outside.

“Sara! Sara!”

Rodrick was chasing her all down the block, breathless and terrified he was losing her.

“What?!” she demanded, still in tears.

“Come back!” he cried. “I’m sorry about my mom, let’s go back inside—”

“For what?!” Sara hissed, stopping as she slapped his hand away from her. “For her to just rub my family in my face again?! I can’t do this anymore!”

“Do what?” he stared, terrified of what was coming next.

“Maybe your mom was right,” she sighed, not knowing what to think or feel.

“What?! You’re not a bad influence on me!” he cried.

“No. Not about that,” she gulped, her voice cracking. “I think she was right… I’m not like you. I’m white trash,” she scoffed, laughing coldly.

A sad look graced Rodrick’s features as he tried to disagree with her as adamantly as possible.

“Mental illness and addiction run in my family like red hair, or twins. My mom’s a piece of work, and my stepdad’s a deadbeat with nowhere else to be,” she admitted. “I… I’m on the same path as everyone else in my family; schizophrenia, and a bullet in the head. I’m not like you; I’m not gonna grow out of this, the smoking and the crazy; you have everything ahead of you, and everything is behind me,” she concluded, running a hand through her messy blonde hair as her world slowly began to collapse.

“That’s not true!” Rodrick protested. “Any of it! I love you, Sara! You’re the smartest person I know! You’re nice, you’re kind, and you’re funny, and you help me, and you’re, like, the sun…! And you revolve around me, or something…! Fuck, I’m stupid! Fuck! Why am I so stupid?!”

“I make Bill look like the responsible sibling!” Sara laughed hysterically. “I’m a plane that’s already headed down.”

“That’s not true,” Rodrick repeated, a hopeless look in his sad eyes. “I love you.”

“That’s why you don’t see it,” Sara concluded, completely burnt out as she just walked off to her car.

Rodrick watched her go, unable to come up with anything smart or profound.

“Sara?!” he called, afraid she was truly walking away. “Sara?!”

She didn’t respond.

“Sara!” he screamed. “Sara… Please don’t leave me here,” he begged her.

Frank Heffley came running up with Greg now trailing after him, both of them worried for Rodrick as he sank to his knees in the middle of the sidewalk. He didn’t know what else to do, breaking down completely as Frank tried to comfort his son.

“I’m so stupid!” Rodrick wailed, as strangers seemed either curious or too nervous to acknowledge. “I’m fucking stupid! Stupid!”

Greg grimaced, physically pained as he’d never seen his older brother like this before.

“FUCKING STUPID! STUPID, STUPID, STUPID! I’M FUCKING STUPID! STUPID…!”

“This Night Has Opened My Eyes”

#rodrick heffley #rodrick #rodrick rules #diary of a wimpy kid rodrick #doawk rodrick #diary of a wimpy kid #rodrick x reader #rodrick fanfic #rodrick x y/n #rodrick heffley x y/n #rodrick heffley x reader #devon bostick #doawk

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fbfh · 7 months

Text

makey makeover - rodrick x hyperfeminine reader

wc: 1.5k

pairing: rodrick x gn hyperfeminine!reader

warnings: rodrick isn't used to being taken care of but only briefly mentioned at the end, rodrick does not know what hyaluronic acid is

summary: rodrick can never say no to you, but if it means having you straddle his lap while you use all your skincare products on him and listen to music together, he wouldn't want to say no anyway.

song recs: makey makeover - crazy ex girlfriend cast, jesus of suburbia - green day, perfect day - hoku

a/n: I started writing a kids book yesterday?? like I finished the first chapter and outline in one sitting???? it wasn't at all planned but when the muse strikes yk. Anyway I don't think it will take me as long to write so if you wanna read a chapter book about magic and girlhood and unicorns and other mythical creatures with bella sara vibes that's probs gonna be ready reasonably soon lol

tags: @yesv01 @magcon7280 @dustyinkpages @the-snake-pit @kiara7777 @inthehoneymoonwithconnorrk800 @followingthefanfiction @2220825 @Maggzsworld @xiaos_crustytoenails @ionlymadethisaccountbcihadto @strawberryjen124 @Isaentremundos @hxnbah

Rodrick likes to think he's a pretty tough guy. Between being born and raised on the rebellious messages of pop punk music, and the nonconforming ideologies of emo and other alt subcultures, Rodrick knows in his bones that he'll never let the man break his spirit. He'll never bow down to someone just because they want him to do something. He's had countless opportunities to stand by these beliefs at school and at home, and he has never - not once - come close to doing anything for someone simply because they want him to. Rodrick has been confident in his ability to never give into other people’s orders, no matter how much they demand of him.

Until now.

“Pretty please, Roddy…?” You pout your glossy lips at him, blinking up at him and batting your doll like eyelashes, and that’s all it takes to make him fold.

“...I guess, if you really-” He’s cut off by an excited squeal from you, and he’s glad that you’re too distracted to notice him blush. Rodrick has never felt his willpower give in so fast, but as he watches you rush around your room and smile, delighted that he’d agreed, he realizes that he’d do pretty much anything you tell him too. Ben and Chris would call him a pussywhipped simp, but… no, that’s pretty much it. He chuckles a little at the thought, watching the pile of stuff grow. He recognizes nail polish and tweezers, but that’s about it.

“Thank you thank you thank you!” You say, rambling happily as you settle down on your bed across from him. “I’ve been wanting to do self care stuff but I’ve done so many everything showers and self care nights there’s nothing left for me to do on myself. But you…”

You take his face in your manicured hands, moving him around to inspect more closely.

“You are in serious need of a facial.”

Rodrick doesn’t really process what you’re saying, he just loves when you touch his face like that.

“...Uh, yeah totally.” He mutters absentmindedly, distracted by your sweet smell. After a moment, he processes what you said, and chuckles, leaning back into your silky pink pillows. “Babe, you can do anything to me, anywhere, anytime.”

You giggle, feeling your face flush a little as you get all your stuff organized. Rodrick runs his hands up and down your waist, fidgeting with your soft fluffy pajama shorts and big loded diper shirt you wear all the time. He sees the little burn marks and worn out hems and realizes it’s the one you stole from him. He smiles softly, loving the way you look in it even more now. His attention is pulled back to you when you push something over his face, brushing his hair back. You adjust the fluffy cat ears on the headband, making sure you have access to his whole face. Rodrick giggles a little, knowing he must look a little out of place wearing a pierce the veil shirt and fluffy kitty cat headband.

“I don’t think my forehead has been this exposed since like, 4th grade…” he chuckles.

“That’s good, you’ll have less sun damage that way.” You smile, putting some micellar water on a cotton pad. It’s a little cold to the touch, but after a moment, the feeling of you gently wiping over his face and neck ends up being way more relaxing than he had expected it to. You throw it away, and he hears it land in your trash can with a crinkle.

“I’m gonna mist your face now, okay?” You say, and he nods. You spray rose water on his face, and Rodrick can’t get over how considerate you are to give him a heads up like that. Rodrick smiles a little as he adjusts to the subtle floral smelling facial spray he’s used to smelling on you. He basks in the quietness of your room, opening his eyes as he watches you sitting on his stomach and looking for the next product. You hesitate for a moment. You feel like something’s missing, but you can’t put your finger on it.

“Oh,” you say, reaching for your phone as you remember. You open up Spotify, and put your favorite playlist on shuffle - the one you and Roddy share. It’s full of both your favorite songs, mostly boiling down to early 2000’s pop punk and trashy pop. It’s chaotic but really does suit you both perfectly. Rodrick smiles suddenly as he instantly recognizes the opening notes of Jesus of Suburbia begin to play. You take out your favorite serum, jasmine and blackberry hydrating jelly, and place a few drops around his face.

“What’s that one?” Rodrick asks, picking up another bottle.

“Hyaluronic acid.”

Rodrick looks at the little dropper bottle.

“Does it, like, melt the flesh right off your bones?”

“No…?” You chuckle, massaging his cheekbones and jawline with your fingertips.

“Then why is it called hydroponic acid?” He asks rhetorically, “Acid is supposed to melt shit.”

You laugh again, and he makes a mental note to sample your laughter for a song at some point in the future. He doesn’t know which one yet, but he knows it will be his best one yet.

You rub some cooling aloe vera gel into his skin, then take out your rose quartz gua sha stone. You tap your fingertips against his chest, and he looks at you with an amused smile.

“What does that do?”

He watches you work, eyes locked on you. He can’t remember the last time he felt this relaxed and peaceful.

“I’m prepping your lymphatic drainage system.”

That clarified absolutely nothing for Rodrick, but he trusts you implicitly. You’re so good at so many things, but Christ, you could write a book on all that girly beauty stuff. It’s way more hardcore than people think it is. You know about all these acids and drainage systems and the pink rock thing, and even though he’s impressed, he’s not at all surprised by how good you are at all this stuff.

You begin gently gliding your gua sha over Roddy’s skin, working from his forehead down to his neck and jawline. He stops talking as you work, and it’s like you melt all of the stress out of his body through his face. He could fall asleep with you touching him so gently like this. After a while you rub some more cream into his face, then place something under his eyes that feels like thinly sliced jello.

“What the fuck?” He asks, bringing another laugh out of you. He watches you take two more of the weird jelly things and put them under your own eyes.

“They’re under eye masks.” You answer with a chuckle. “They hydrate your skin, depuff, and get rid of dark circles.”

“Huh…” he hums in response, playing with the patches as they sit on his face.

Once you’ve used half your arsenal of skincare products on him, you peel off his sheet mask and let him sit up. You hand him a mirror, and as he sits up and stretches a little, kind of wishing you had more to do, he feels like he just woke up from the best sleep of his life.

“So? What do you think?” You ask excitedly. He can’t help but crack a smile at how cute you are. Rodrick takes the mirror you offer him. When he sees his reflection, he almost doesn’t recognize himself.

“Oh my god…” he says with a soft smile. He’s glowing. He doesn’t think he’s ever looked this soft and moisturized and… cared for before. He doesn’t even have any crusty eyeliner from yesterday smudged around his eyes. He can never get it off all the way, but one wave of your magic wand, and it’s gone. He laughs again, touching his cheek. He looks up at you in surprise.

“My face is so smooth…” “I know!” You exclaim in delight. “So, do you like facials after all?”

You have a feeling you already know the answer, but Rodrick looks up at you anyway.

“Yeah,” he states, pulling you in for a kiss, his lips soft and exfoliated, topped with your favorite strawberry lip balm. You think Rodrick is right, it does taste better in a kiss. After he pulls away, it takes him a minute for his brain to stop short circuiting.

“So… uh, are we doing this again next weekend?”

You laugh at his hopeful tone of voice, how he raises his eyebrows a little.

“Yeah.” You nod, taking him in for another kiss. You take his hands in yours, looking at the stick and poke tattoo he got of the heart you drew on his hand in chemistry class, his little calluses from drumming. “Next week I can do something about your cuticles.”

#rodrick heffley #rodrick heffley x reader #rodrick #rodrick x reader #rodrick x hyperfeminine reader #hyperfeminine reader #diary of a wimpy kid #diary of a wimpy kid x reader #doawk #doawk x reader #yeah no idea where the book thing came from #i literally wasn't even a horse/unicorn kid growing up #i was more into faries #like i liked the horse girl aesthetic ig but i never really got into it #but it's fun #i almost accidentally named a character after a member of paramore so im glad i caught that lol #stay tuned

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