Gifts and Being Spoiled - Non Allowance

Let’s discuss Gifts.

I’m not talking about $30 for a pedicure or a Starbucks gift card and tumbler. I’m talking about the jewelry, the cars, the thousand dollar bags and shoes, the stocks and bonds, the gold and silver bars, kinds of gifts. Unless you’ve grown up accepting gifts or have made enough money to buy these things for yourself, it may make you feel uncomfortable. Who wouldn’t? We’re talking about receiving thousands of dollars worth of gifts.

Hell, this is something that even the most experienced SBs have had to work to become accustomed to, and even now gifts of a certain caliber can make a lady a little bit nervous. The easiest way to become comfortable with receiving luxury gifts is by desensitizing yourself to the cost.

Note: this is not desensitizing yourself to just start swiping your credit card for whatever purchase you want. This is to remove the feelings of doubt, shame, and insecurity that surround owning expensive items while those around you may not yet share in your wealth.

One exercise I did was write down every single thing I wanted to purchase. I broke it into the following categories: useful, nice, frivolous.

The useful items are things I would use on a consistent basis. Think computer, KitchenAid mixer, exercise bike, spa passes, etc. These will be more tailored to your own needs.

The nice items are things that don’t make or break any given experience, but would be fantastic to have and would increase my quality of life. Think multiple pairs of running shoes, a $300 outdoor hammock swing, new matching bedroom set, etc. Once again, these are more tailored to your needs.

The frivolous things are anything else. Think of the Chanel bags, the jewelry, shopping spree at Bloomingdale’s. Items that won’t make it break your experience of life.

Throw literally everything you can on this list and include the prices. When you see something on TikTok, add it to the list. When your coworker is talking about that sous vide, add it to the list. Big or small, just add it.

At this point you’ll have an idea of what you like and want, and how your SD can best gift you. Maybe you aren’t a clothing girl, but will go crazy in the homegoods section. Your gifting doesn’t have to look like mine, and that’s okay. This is your time to be spoiled!!

This brings me to my second thought: using your belongings.

It can be nerve-racking and ostracizing being the only girl with real gold in your ears. You may want to leave your good items in a safe or only wear them on special occasions.

Don’t.

Shoes and bags and jewelry and clothing is meant to be worn, not to sit in a dust bag for admiration. Your exercise bike is meant to be used. Running shoes are meant to be worn down. Don’t be afraid to use your gifts, because you’ll appreciate them more and will become used to using your most expensive items.

The last thing I would like to leave you ladies with is simple: Gratitude. Be grateful for the gifts that come into your life. Be grateful for the person providing the gifts. Be grateful for the journey of becoming a woman who has the capacity to receive. It’s okay fantastic to thank your SD/SBF for gifting you with something. In fact, most of these men are surrounded by people that use and take from them. Say thank you and mean it and watch how your experiences change.

Happy Sugaring ✨

One-Bowl Banana Muffins with Sour Cream (Yields 6)

Learn to recognize when you can do better.

If he makes you feel guilty for wanting to be taken care of, you deserve better. Since the 1700’s women have only survived because they chose men who were capable of providing and protecting

Don’t let these new age dusties gaslight you into accepting the poverty love they offer

Free e-books

I have no clue what’s wrong with my messaging. I see the messages asking about where to access the e-books I’ve talked about in previous posts, I just can’t reply. Making this post, bookmark it for access in the future. You can now save your favorite files to your account and access them on the go.

48 Laws of Power

Mirror Work

The M in Man is for Money

The Power of Now

Creative Visualization

Ho Tactics

& More!

http://www.brownsugardoc.com/

drop the cookie dough recipe 🔫

who are you .

deeply sad over the realization that I can never have cream of wheat again 😭😭😭

Mango Coconut Pudding Recipe This creamy, light mango pudding with coconut is easy to whip up and tastes even better the next day. 4 mangoes peeled and pureed, 3 tablespoons cornstarch, 1/2 cup white sugar, 1/2 cup coconut flakes, 1/4 cup brown sugar, 4 cups milk

Not Finding an SD Soon Enough?

Ladies, it's easy to become disheartened when looking for an SD. As women, we think "I'm pretty, this will be a piece of cake" or "I have success in regular dating" and believe that this guarantees our success in the sugar bowl. Then, inevitably, when finding an SD that matches what we are looking for is not immediate we feel disappointed. Sugaring, while similar to regular dating, requires a --different-- unique approach.

Vetting - Vetting is incredibly important in this game. When men are giving the John vibes just immediately cut them loose. There's no point in thinking you'll turn or change someone who wants quick, cheap sex into a proper SD. This is the biggest complaint I have seen on the forum lately. Many new or aspiring SBs question how to make a man give you sugar. Hint: You cannot. A man is either generous or he is not. He either wants to provide, or he doesn't. The men who are not generous and do not want to provide, just ignore them. Don't waste your time and emotions on interactions with them. The second he questions "what do you bring to the table" or "why do I have to provide for you", block. A man who wants to provide for you, will do so.

Patience - You're not going to run into an SD immediately. Those dates on SA are gone (SDs, this one goes for you too). There are simply too many people on the site who are seeking things other than a proper SR. You'll run into many time wasters, scammers, toe dippers, PUAs, and other nefarious actors before you find the actual SDs of SA. Mentally prepare yourself for the amount of time it will take to find someone of substance.

Be a woman of substance - While we're on the topic of finding an SD of substance, you must remember that like attracts like. People of means/caliber/wealth often are attracted to people of the same or similar standing (note I didn't say always). Now, this can be challenging, as most SBs are college aged, but to navigate being a woman of substance, I'll change to: Are you becoming a woman of substance. Are you constantly reading and learning how to converse with people 2x your age? Do you have an open mind? Are you willing to learn and be open to new experiences? Even if you've never gone skiing, are you approaching the lack of experience from a place of earnest interest? People (and yes, I'll include women in this as well) love when young women have a genuine desire to learn and grow. If you are looking for a man to spend substantially on you, you need to bring your best, most authentic self to the relationship.

Sites - I love telling women to actually go out in public and freestyle. The sites aren't the only place to find SDs / SBFs. Often times, meeting someone "in the wild" is better because you can begin to build a stronger more genuine relationship with them. Freestyling is less about meeting the right man and more about proximity to men (and women) who can elevate your lifestyle. Being in the right place at the right time can boost more than just your dating options; your career, where you live, hobbies, and even your frame of mind can be transformed by the right conversation with the right person.

Rejection- Above all else, don't let success in the bowl dictate how you feel about yourself. If you realize that you're self worth is becoming tied to your successes and failures in the bowl, then you should take some steps back and re-evaluate if you really want to be here. At the end of the day, not everyone is meant to be an SB (just like not everyone is meant to be an SD) and that is okay. This is supposed to be FUN, not stressful!

Happy Sugaring ✨

One-Bowl V/GF Gingerbread Cookies

I know it’s truly a hard concept because we’ve programmed this way but DECENTER MEN from your life.

Go extremely hard for yourself to the point where the idea doesn’t even come up.

Meeting men after you decenter them is completely different bc you hold all of your power. You’ll realize that you’re no longer caring about a text back or super nervous for a first date. It’s because you’ll be WHOLE. A man is not your other half. You don’t want half of a man, you want a WHOLE 🫶🏽💋

DECENTER (and I can not stress this enough) MEN from your life.

Advice for black girls entering their first year of College? I am majoring in something that is dominated by men.

Hey love, congrats on starting your first year! I actually just recorded an episode about my experience in higher education this past year. These crazy people were trying to get me to REPEAT THE ENTIRE YEAR. Meaning start over from the beginning, pay again, do the whole first year of med school again! I was like not this black girl. It’s really important as black women that we familiarize ourselves with the school policy (this goes for professional/corporate environments and places of employment too). Know your rights. It’s the only thing that can protect you when an establishment tries to play in your face. Here’s a summary of what’s in the episode/advice for you:

We need to be vocal and knowledgeable about what we say, especially when dealing with administration/faculty because these people will not give af about you if you don’t speak up for yourself. Find your voice because you will absolutely need it at some point. You have to advocate for yourself because they have no problem letting you become a statistic if you don’t.

Align yourself with faculty/staff that seem reasonable and can advocate for you should you ever need it. This was one of the most essential things I did to get myself out of this shit.

Join advocacy/support groups/clubs. It really helps to create networks and contacts of support. I am co-chair of our student wellness and resiliency center. Getting involved is a good way to make yourself known and can come as a major asset when you need letters of recommendations or research/internship/etc. opportunities. Also helps to connect with other black women students in your city. You’ll be able to vent and talk about things that only you as black women will understand. It’s important to have a group of people you can confide in.

Fake it til you make it. Eliminate self doubt/doubt about your abilities and remember your power. Affirmations really help with building confidence. These people expect you to doubt yourself, don’t give them that satisfaction. Try to push yourself a little each day. If you’re shy/nervous about public speaking, start with speaking up in smaller group until you get comfy giving presentations. The more you do it, the easier it gets.

Give yourself time off! Try to incorporate a little bit of self care daily. This doesn’t have to be hours of pampering at a time. Stretching, candle work, aromatherapy while you study, dance study breaks, are a few things you can do. Make sure to take nights off from studying every once in a while too. My counselor said that 1 night a week off is doable.

Find a mentor. Seriously this is so important. Not just any mentor, someone who you can connect with. Reach out to people at your school that are where you want to be. Don’t be discouraged by not hearing back. The professional world is very busy and most times people aren’t ignoring you purposely. Don’t be afraid to send a follow up email. You really need to build that armor of confidence because you’ll meet people along the way who will try to tear you down or don’t believe. It doesn’t matter what anyone thinks, the only opinion that matters is yours and you know you worked damn hard to get to where you are so act like it! Don’t let anyone bully you out of your place.

You’ll do amazing, good luck on this next chapter ✨