#and he had to lose that person and it's shaken him to his entire core
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I am absolutely not okay. Just... nope. Not at all.
Tien's heartbroken expression at the realization that Lomfon is also Tai's soulmate, the way he's falling apart in the rain just staring at him right after Patts punched Lomfon away from Tai.
And then Lomfon. Oh, Lomfon. Lomfon who doesn't believe in soulmates but has suddenly found himself thrust into a world where he should believe and have one and he knows the person and he's liked Tai for ages but now Tien is right there and he doesn't know what he's thinking anymore.
Lomfon has been shaken to the core by hearing their voices in the rain. He's losing himself into this idea, this realization. His world has been turned upside down entirely. But he's also young and he had an obvious crush on Tai and now he's looking at Tien without understanding what he's seeing or what it means because now everything he believed has been flipped.
Tien has spent two years being there for his brother, pushing him to be okay, present and loving and now he's found the start of his own first love only to find out that the first person he falls for, the first person he truly cares about, is his brother's other soulmate and not only only that but he isn't anyone's first choice.
This is going to rip my heart out in all the right ways for a narrative about deconstructing soulmates. Because it's really about the idea that love is a choice and that destiny might confuse you but you still have to make a choice in the end, a choice for love and a choice to care and a choice about who you love and why you love and destiny is not enough to make love work.
Love is a choice. Love is always a choice. Love is built on choices, on trust and joy and being together and listening and talking and communication and all of those choices make love.
Not destiny.
Not voices in the rain.
But choices.
#la pluie#la pluie meta#la pluie the series#la pluie series#lomfon x tien#lomfontien#lomfontian#tien x lomfon#tienlomfon#bl drama#thai bl#thai drama#thai series#thaibl#asianlgbtqdramas#asian lgbtq dramas#bl series#thai bl series#thai bl drama#thai bl meta
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Ѕтαу σя Gσ?
TW: Violence mentions
Villain!Miles Morales x GN!Reader
This one is once again a little angsty loves! Again, if you don’t like that please keep scrolling! Mwah <3
In the vibrant city of New York, Miles Morales led a secret life as the notorious villain known as the Prowler. By day, he appeared to be an ordinary young man, blending seamlessly into the bustling streets. But when night fell, he embraced his darker side, using his agility, stealth, and technological prowess to commit daring heists and disrupt the peace.
Amidst his life of crime, Miles had found solace and love in the arms of an unsuspecting individual—(Y/N), a compassionate and caring individual who had captured his heart. Their paths had crossed in the most unexpected way, and from the moment they met, Miles couldn't help but be drawn to their infectious laughter and warm smile.
As their relationship deepened, (Y/N) remained blissfully unaware of Miles' alter ego. He treasured their moments together, cherishing the love and connection they shared. However, a growing conflict emerged within him. He longed to reveal the truth, but the fear of losing (Y/N) paralyzed him, trapping him in a web of secrets.
One fateful night, an ambitious plan formulated in the mind of the Prowler. He intended to carry out an audacious heist that would propel him to the pinnacle of criminal notoriety. Unbeknownst to him, (Y/N) had inadvertently stumbled upon the details of his plan, believing it to be a mere news story.
Eager to impress (Y/N), Miles had decided to unveil his most daring act yet. He executed his heist with precision, leaving the city in awe and chaos. The news of the Prowler's audacious crime spread like wildfire, reaching (Y/N) and igniting a storm of confusion within their heart.
Shaken to their core, (Y/N) couldn't fathom that the love they had grown to cherish was entwined with a villain's secret identity. The realization hit them like a devastating blow, leaving them torn between disbelief and heartbreak.
Seeking answers, (Y/N) confronted Miles, their eyes filled with a mixture of anger and sorrow. "Miles, how could you?" they whispered, their voice trembling with a mix of emotions. "All this time, I thought you were the person I could trust, the one who loved me and would protect me. But you're the Prowler, the one wreaking havoc on this city!"
Miles hung his head, guilt weighing heavily upon him. "I never wanted to hurt you, (Y/N)," he replied, his voice laden with regret. "I kept this secret to protect you, but now, the truth is out, and I understand if you can't forgive me, all I ask is that you stay with me."
Tears welled up in (Y/N)'s eyes as they struggled to find the strength to respond. They had invested their heart and soul in this relationship, never suspecting that their love had been entwined with the world of crime. The conflicting emotions tore them apart, torn between the love they felt and the betrayal they had discovered.
After a long and painful silence, (Y/N) finally spoke, their voice tinged with a mix of sadness and determination. "Miles, I can't pretend that this revelation hasn't shattered my world," they began, their voice trembling. "But I also can't deny the love we shared. If you truly regret your actions, if you're willing to change and make amends, then I'm willing to stand by your side."
Miles gazed at (Y/N) with a glimmer of hope, "I love you, (Y/N), more than anything," he said, his voice filled with sincerity, but then his face hardened, his entire demeanor changing to guard his emotions, “However, I can’t stop now. I have so many things I can do to keep climbing this ladder and rule this city! I’m in too deep to stop now. That is something you need to accept if you wish to be with me. If it’s too much for you, leave, I can’t have dead weight hanging off my back.”
And with that, he turned on his heel and walked away with a heavy heart and clenched fists, heavily regretting his harsh words but knowing they were needed to keep up his image. As he walked, he prayed they would stay but was prepared to move on if they left. In his mind, his work came first no matter what. His heart could wait.
Y/N collapsed to the floor on their knees, watching him walk away. They were shocked at the brutal change in personality from the man they loved the most. They debated leaving, terrified of the man they thought they knew as their own, considering all of the crimes he’s committed and if they could stay through that pain. But again, as much as they knew it was dangerous, they doubted they could leave due to the love they held in their heart for him. So, they could only sit there and ask themselves one question. Stay or go?
#miles morales x reader#miles morales x y/n#miles morales x you#spiderman x reader#spiderman#spiderverse x reader#across the spiderverse#prowler miles#angst
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To be honest, I've always found the Levi and Erwin relationship toxic.
One of them is the "trust" relationship between them.
Levi always trusts Erwin but Erwin deceives Levi and the soldiers for his own dreams, and one of the things that upsets me is that Levi finds out and feels betrayed but continues to trust him because he has no other choice... (Stockholm syndrome?) And I find it shallow that he takes his anger out on Jean and Eren after arguing with Erwin. I wouldn't have thought that someone like Levi would resort to unnecessary violence even if it was about his feelings.
I dont know man, Levi is not only hurt by losing his comrades in the series, he is also betrayed and abandoned by characters who don't do him good (kenny and Erwin) yes Kenny taught him to fight and survive and Erwin gave him a purpose to use his power in better places. I think actions other than that left a permanent mark on him.
I think people exaggerate this relationship, especially the "trust" relationship. He sees Erwin Levi as an equal to his other soldiers and, as I said, deceives them for the sake of his own illusion. Levi, on the other hand, has no choice but to trust, despite his doubts (and betrayal). Is this really a healthy and beautiful relationship?
The relationship between Levi and Erwin is complicated, let's say.
It's obvious to me that Levi feels ambivalence toward some of Erwin's choices and the way he chooses to lead, but he also trusts in his judgement implicitly because he sees Erwin as a visionary and a great leader. But I don't think it's totally fair to disregard Erwin's trust in Levi. Erwin, after all, in the end, chose to trust Levi, above anyone else, with his true feelings and his true motivation. He made himself vulnerable to Levi in a way that he'd never done with another person, and that, to me, speaks of trust as well.
I agree that Erwin's "betrayal" was painful to Levi. Levi lent his strength to Erwin and his cause because he genuinely believed that Erwin, and all of those questionable, morally grey choices he made, was fighting for humanity. Levi's anger after his argument with Erwin, and him taking it out on Eren and Jean, was to me understandable, because he'd just had his entire view of who Erwin was (this man he'd chosen to follow and give his strength to) shaken to the core. Erwin admitted to him that his own, personal dream of finding out the truth was more important to him than humanity. Levi's entire foundation for fighting was crumbling beneath him, he didn't know what to think, didn't know if he'd been wrong for trusting Erwin, and knew also that there was nothing he could do to stop Erwin from joining the operation in Shinganshina, knowing also that it was likely to lead to Erwin's death. So he was upset. And we all know, when Levi's upset, because of the way he was raised, his sort of default is to express it physically and through violence. So I didn't find that moment strange or out of character, or shallow. It was Levi being in a state of deep uncertainty, probably even fear and doubt. Maybe even guilt. He was hurting, and Levi was never taught how to properly express his emotions. You bring Kenny up, and how Kenny betrayed and hurt him too. Kenny never taught Levi anything but how to survive through violence. And then he abandoned him. I don't know how people can really expect Levi to be well rounded or versatile in social graces and niceties when he was raised the way he was.
But to address your other points about Erwin, again, I say it's complicated. Erwin definitely used Levi to some extent, that can't be denied, and that in itself is deeply sad. But Erwin wasn't some heartless monster. Erwin, in many ways, deluded himself about his motivations as much as he did his soldiers. He convinced himself that he was fighting for humanity in order to cope with the guilt he had over the fact he was really fighting for a personal goal. I think the remorse and regret he expresses to Levi in Shinganshina was very much real, and again, he trusted in Levi to essentially save him from that guilt. He knew Levi would make the right choice. He knew Levi would do the right thing. In the end, Erwin gave up his dream by letting Levi choose for him. So, again, I don't think you can say that Erwin ONLY saw Levi as a tool for him to use. He saw him as a friend whom he could trust and rely upon to help him. And Levi did. Despite his own feelings of being hurt and betrayed by Erwin, Levi was able to forgive him and free him from the burden of his dream. He was able to help Erwin become the commander everyone thought he was. And that's also a burden Levi chose to bear on his own, the truth of who Erwin was and what drove him. No one else knew. Just Levi. Levi also bore the weight of other people's criticisms then for letting Erwin die, like Flock and Hange. He let Flock accuse him of letting "personal feelings" get in the way of making the right choice without arguing, because to argue would be to reveal to everyone that Erwin, before his death, was in a state of mental breakdown. To defend himself against those types of accusations would require Levi to reveal that Erwin wasn't quite the perfect, heroic leader everyone saw him as. Levi wanted Erwin's legacy to be in tact. He wanted him to continue to be viewed as a great leader. And I think in the end, Levi himself still saw Erwin as that. He thanks Erwin before he sends him off, and tells him they wouldn't have gotten to where they were without his leadership. And that's all true. Regardless of the reasons why Erwin made the choices he did, those choices are still what got the SC as far as it did. Levi, because of his own, great humanity, saw the burden Erwin bore, in having to make so many awful decisions, and instead of condemning Erwin for being less than honest and less than perfect, he chose to forgive him and acknowledge his great sacrifice and contribution to humanity.
And that's why Erwin chose to confide in Levi. He knew, if anyone would be capable of forgiving him and understanding his weaknesses, it would be Levi, who's the most compassionate person in the series.
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for the meme! from RD Chapter 3-13, there was too much to copy/paste, but i'm sure you know the moment...
Micaiah: “All right… I’ll do it… I’ll do it for you, and for Daein.”
Pelleas: “Thank you, Micaiah.”
(Pelleas hands Micaiah a dagger)
wow radiant dawn spoilers!!!!!
rune & co click away now : )
SOME PEOPLE LIKE TO THINK ABOUT CH 13 AND SUFFER. Luckily for yall I am some people. In order to talk about this line and Micaiah's response I think we need to look at Pelleas' reasoning
13-2 pre battle dialogue
"Individual lives taken before your eyes weigh more heavily than the many lives taken during the chaos of war. If that life is someone dear, the burden is even worse. It's only human. Isn't that true? Micaiah. It’s your caring soul I admire. That's why I want it to be you. I want you to kill me.”
Of note, in the Japanese version, Pelleas specifically says human nature is at its core self-serving, that care for another’s life is based on one’s ego/connections. He continues:
[ペレアス]
ミカヤ……
僕は、そんな君が好きだよ。
だから…君に頼みたい。▼
Rough translation:
Micaiah…. That’s the part of you that I love. That is why I want it to be you I ask this of.
(the scene continues on as it does in the localized version)
To put this in further context prior to chapter 12 and the revelation of the blood pact (i.e. Micaiah finding out that no matter what Micaiah does the Senate’s control of the King and his Kingdom means loss of all life in Daein) Micaiah had been pushing herself both mentally and physically to be a general who minimized death and unneeded damage.
Sothe: Micaiah, it's over. The front line is broken. The apostle's army is crossing the bridge.
Micaiah: All right, then... Order a retreat.
Inspector npc: Wh-what?! No! Are you a simpleton? Just destroy the bridge!
[...]
Micaiah: Inspector. While I respect your opinion... The final decision is up to me, as commander in chief of this army. Sothe, order the retreat. Get those men out of there before they're routed.
-Ch 11, post battle dialogue
Then, in chapter 12 she discovers no matter what she does if she and Pelleas do not follow the Senate’s orders precisely, their entire nation, Micaiah’s reason for fighting all this time, will perish. Micaiah is nothing if not determined.
The apostle’s army, previously, toward whom she showed mercy she now prepares a rockslide/rain of fire death trap for:
Micaiah: All forces, get in position! Our target is the apostle. We will attack her while General Ike is distracted. If we let her through, her army will cross into Begnion. That will surely anger the senate, and the senate will move to destroy Daein. We must fight with everything we have so that Daein may live on!
Sothe: But, Micaiah... Is this really necessary? Can't we avoid all of this fighting and somehow pretend to obey the senate?
Taouroneo: Micaiah, it was you more than anyone else who used to hate plans like this...
Micaiah: The apostle's army has incredible numbers. We wouldn't stand a chance taking them head-on.
The only thing that stops Micaiah from killing Sanaki and her Holy Guard outright is Tibarn taking Sothe hostage and Micaiah freezing up at the prospect of losing the person she cares for most in the world, despite it meaning her entire army would be routed.
Sanaki pleads on Sothe's behalf and Tibarn/Ike's army leaves but Micaiah is shaken. And then when back in the castle Pelleas immedaitely calls for her, asks her to kill him, and upon her refusing citing her recent revelation re: Sothe and Tibarn has the gall to say:
"Even if it hadn't been Sothe in front of you, you would have reacted the same way. That's the kind of person you are."
I think she's fucking PISSED!!!
There's much to be said about Micaiah and her lack of agency in the narrative throughout both part three and four but Pelleas is saying this to her, right before his own request can be nothing but maddening.
From the start, Micaiah has felt kinship with Pelleas and believed in his kindness. In their private moments together Micaiah drops the 王 and refers to Pelleas with just -sama, he may not be part of the Dawn Brigade but he is firmly someone she thinks of as a comrade and perhaps more.
And he's now using that gentle/kind nature that she once so admired to shove Micaiah into a corner. To kill him with her own hands. GRANTED, the game does give you a chance on playthrough one for Micaiah to refuse and Pelleas accept that. BUT STILL!!
Of note, too, Micaiah is tearing up and stammering throughout this exchange in Japanese. I think Micaiah is used to handling grief, I do not think she is used to handling this kind of anger. This is further supported by the fact IF Micaiah accepts Pelleas' request every single line of hers in Japanese is "...". She refuses any further conversation with him, even when he directly asks her to pass on a piece of jewelry to Almedha.
Her last words to him are:
わかり…ました……
あなたの……ために……
………わたしが………▼
"I... understand.
If it's for you.... I...
I will...."
(there's no mention of Daein here which, while I think is in the back of her mind. does indeed make the scene all the more charged and intimate)
N has thankfully (?) asked me for the rest of the (optional and ng+_ dialogue here so ending for now. But yeah, I think rather than saddened (which she is. The scene in fist playthrough ends with Micaiah breaking her silence to sob openly ala localized) Micaiah is also quite furious in this scene. And it's something I have a lot of fun thinking about. :upside down:
#|meta#|meme response#//VERY LONG AND FULL OF SPOILERS AND TANGENTS#//micapell tag tba uHHHH sometime i swear#//anyway dabs. to be continued.#//btw the colors of the exclamation points are the MyGO bandori girls i did this so i could have some joy in my life :')
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In the Belly of the Giant (18/39)
Chapter 18
Eren heard a scratching sound near her head. She had been curled up asleep next to one of the glass walls of her terrarium, huddled in one of the used blankets, when she was alerted by the noise. She glanced over to witness a massive cockroach as big as her entire body crawling on the glass. She shrieked with astonishment and stumbled back, only to realize the oversized insect was on the other side of the transparent wall. She took in the details displayed to her on the creature’s underside: the fat ribbed abdomen, hairy segmented legs, long antennae, compound eyes, shiny brown chitin.
Suddenly, the terrarium vibrated with mighty footfalls, and the creature was effortlessly flicked away by a giant hand. Eren’s heart jumped into her throat as she was shaken out of her last vestiges of sleep and her memories of the prior night came flooding back. She gulped and looked up to see Trent’s gigantic freckled countenance staring down at her as he crouched in front of her glass prison. She thought to herself she’d rather look at the giant cockroach.
“Good morning, my tasty little morsel,” Trent jeered. His green eyes ogled Eren rapaciously and she shuddered, praying she wasn’t on the menu for breakfast. She was too terrified of the giant to muster up a hateful glare, and could only stare up at his menacing figure like a deer caught in headlights.
“Who’s Joey?” he asked out of nowhere. Eren’s heart skipped a beat. “I was watching you sleep and I heard you call out his name. He must be someone important to you. Perhaps a lover?”
Eren was severely creeped out by the thought that he was watching her slumber without her knowledge, but she felt even more violated to hear Joey’s name spoken from this odious giant’s lips, as if he had peered into her innermost thoughts. She averted her gaze as tears she couldn’t stop leaked from her eyes and a wave of sorrow slammed into her. Trent’s lips curved into a vicious grin, exposing his huge teeth, as he knew the arrow he shot had struck her core. He stood up to his full height and sauntered into the kitchen to make himself some breakfast.
He pulled some dirty dishes out of the sink and reused them to fry up some eggs, tater tots, and sausage links. As the scent of the food permeated the apartment, Eren recalled that she hadn’t eaten since Joey had last made her breakfast. Only a couple days had passed, but it felt like ages ago. She had been too nauseated yesterday after being devoured alive by Trent to even think about food. Now, she was hungry. As much as she detested Trent, she couldn’t resist casting her eyes in the direction of the kitchen as she watched him slap the cooked meal onto a plate.
In a move that Eren was beginning to learn was characteristic for him, Trent pulled a cold beer out of the fridge and cracked it open to enjoy with his breakfast. He chugged the frothy beverage down as he stuffed heaping forkfuls of food into his maw. Eren turned away in disgust. She couldn’t watch his hideous display of gluttony after being eaten by him. She closed her eyes and leaned her side against the glass, hugging herself with her arms and struggling not to lose it.
The scraping of Trent’s chair as he stood up and the clink of his plate brought her attention back to him. She heard the substantial thuds of his footsteps as he came closer and instinctively began to tremble. To her alarm, he unfastened the lid and opened the top of the terrarium. She jumped up in terror, expecting the giant to seize her in his fist. Instead, he tipped his plate over and scraped his leftovers with his dirty fork into her enclosure, like a person would dump their scraps into the garbage when cleaning off a dish. He clamped shut the lid and went back to the kitchen to leave the plate in the sink. Eren placed her hand on her chest and sighed with relief that he hadn’t touched her. Her heart had almost burst out of her ribcage from the shock and stress.
She scrutinized the scraps of food with uncertainty. She didn’t want to eat anything that Trent had touched with his filth, but obviously she didn’t have a choice in the matter. She was hungry and didn’t want to starve. At least she knew the food wasn’t drugged or poisoned, since Trent had partaken in the same meal. Reluctantly, she picked up the remnants of a half-eaten tater tot and bit into it. As she ate, she warily kept an eye on Trent as he prepared for his day. She felt a chill as the giant thug stuck a pistol in his waistband and a fearsome stiletto switchblade in his pocket. Whatever job he had to do for Mr. Greenwood, it wasn’t a peaceful one.
He donned a black leather jacket over his white undershirt and left the apartment without a word, shutting and locking the door behind him. Eren was glad to see him go; she hoped he wouldn’t be back anytime soon. She took the time to investigate the glass box she was stuck inside for a way out. The walls were slick vertical surfaces, impossible to climb. Consequently, the lid on the ceiling wasn’t accessible. The sparsity of the furnishings precluded any ingenuity for crafting tools or means of escape. She flopped back down in the blankets with frustration. As usual, she was small and powerless.
She wished she could see the outside world, or even just the sun. She missed being outside in the warm, bright sunshine, with the sweet fragrance of grass and flowers in the breeze, the wind rustling the leaves on the trees, Joey holding her safely in the palm of his hand. Trent had the blinds closed over the windows so the sunlight was diluted, leaving the apartment dim. In her captivity, Eren was losing track of the time and days. She had assumed it was morning, since Trent was eating breakfast, but for all she knew it could be the afternoon by now.
Shadows crept along the furniture and walls in the muted gloom. To her horror, Eren realized the crawling shadows were cockroaches. The giant insects skittered along the walls of her prison, but to her relief were unable to get inside. They swarmed to the sink crammed with dirty dishes and feasted. Eren wanted to gag. She had eaten food off those dishes. She hoped she wouldn’t get sick. How could Trent stand to live in these unsanitary conditions? She could even see them crawling in his bedsheets, munching on crumbs he left behind from eating snacks in bed. The whole apartment was infested. Eren wondered if there were rodents too. She hoped she would never find out.
With nothing else to entertain her, she watched the loathsome critters as they scaled the glass. They creeped her out, with their twitching antennae and big, hairy legs. They could move shockingly fast as well. Since Eren was the same size as them, the roaches weren’t afraid of her, but she found that if she banged hard on the glass they would scramble. She proceeded to hit the glass several times, for her own amusement, and as a result the roaches were more inclined to stay away from her box.
Eventually, Eren grew bored of this activity, and her mind wandered off to Joey and her dad. She hoped they were doing okay without her. They were probably worried sick. She had faith that somehow Joey would find her, especially with his connections with the police. She missed him, and her dad, terribly. She wasn’t willing to entertain the possibility that she may never see them again, and she might end up stuck as Trent’s edible plaything for the rest of her miserable life. Depressed, she huddled up in the sheets, her only comfort in her current tortuous existence, and sobbed.
Eren, for the most part, stayed in this position for the whole day as all her hopes and dreams drained out of her and she succumbed to despair. The daylight through the blinds gradually dimmed to a bleak, melancholy gray. Her mind wandered in dark places until she was startled back to reality by the metallic scraping of a key in the door lock. The roaches scattered. She broke into a cold sweat. The monster had returned to his den.
Trent came in with a brooding, stormy aura. His hair was ruffled and his clothes were disheveled. He stomped over to his dining table, threw down his keys with a clatter, and emptied the contents of his pockets: his knife, gun, a vial with syringes, a wad of cash, a pack of cigarettes, a lighter. He shed his jacket and tossed it carelessly to the floor. His shirt and pants had blood splattered on them that wasn’t his. Upon closer inspection, Eren observed he had flecks of blood on his face and in his hair too.
He grabbed a rag from a drawer in the kitchen and wiped the blood specks off his face and hair. He sat down at the table and flicked open the knife, which had a stiff, narrow blade coated in scarlet. He cleaned the blood off the fearsome blade to a polished shine. Eren shuddered as she watched him. His green eyes were cold, lacking any remorse for whatever harm he had caused.
He retracted the knife, returned it to the table, and smoked a cigarette, staring off into space as he did. When he was done, he stubbed it out in a nearby ashtray and stood up. Eren inhaled sharply, thinking he was heading her way, but instead he pulled his bloodstained shirt off over his head as he retreated to the bathroom. She caught a glimpse of his pale, muscular back as he walked away. For whatever reason, the sight of his bare flesh under his clothes frightened her. His gigantic body, with how strong yet pasty and lean he appeared, reminded her of a starving, feral beast. There was something unnatural and unhealthy about his appearance, something ruthless and savage. He was a natural-born predator, and she was his unlucky prey.
Eren heard a shower running, and she was surprised. With how gross and filthy Trent was, she figured he wasn’t the type to shower on a regular basis. She supposed even Trent wouldn’t want to remain covered in a stranger’s blood. Her apprehension was beginning to spike as she waited for Trent to finish showering and come back out into the main room. She had no doubt he had plans to do something horrible to her. He would probably eat her again. Eren’s pulse raced at the thought. Even if she survived, she didn’t want to have to go through that unbearable suffering a second time.
Inevitably, Trent finished his shower and returned, dressed in his usual wifebeater and boxer shorts and drying his long red locks with a towel. He spotted Eren and lumbered over with a creepy leer plastered on his face. Eren backed up into the corner, shaking uncontrollably, as he loomed ominously above her.
“Eren,” he said, baring his teeth in a mocking grin. “I’m hungry.” Eren whimpered with anguish and hid under her sheets. The giant laughed heartily and unclasped the lid of her terrarium. He snaked his arm inside and ripped the blankets off, exposing the poor naked woman. She shrieked with pure terror as he violently snatched her up.
“Please, Trent,” she begged, wriggling pathetically in his hand, “Have mercy on me! Let me go! Please don’t eat me again!” She was inconsolable with grief and agitation. She couldn’t bear his torment any longer.
Trent raised her up to his eye level and stared intensely at her. From up close, Eren could see his pupils, big black holes in his eyes, dilate slightly in the pools of green. She shrank back in his hand, away from those piercing eyes, but couldn’t bring herself to look away. He lowered her down towards his mouth. His lips stretched back into a twisted smile, and Eren found herself uncomfortably close to his giant white teeth, slick with moisture. She cringed as the rows of teeth separated, dripping strings of saliva, and she was bathed in a wave of humid, malodorous breath. Trent uttered a single word that shattered any unrealistic hopes Eren might have for clemency.
“No.”
Chapter 19
Chapter 1
#g/t fearplay#gt fearplay#g/t#giant#giant/tiny#tiny#g/t writing#giant tiny#size difference#in the belly of the giant#giant men#male pred#gt writing#gt story#g/t story#vore story#vore writing
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Okay I've seen minimal mention of N in the Pingo AU and because he is a blorbo to me I am going to share my thoughts on this
There's 3, 4ish, points in the timeline that would drastically change how N behaves when eeby deebied. Before Ghetisis takes him in, pre BW, post BW & pre BW2, and post BW2
If he's still feral I have zero doubts that he'd survive just fine on his own no matter where he landed sans the Icelands. The most he ever interacts with any humans is to steal clothes and other supplies he couldn't scour himself, or to try to figure out how to get back to Unova. Ingo catches glimpses of him and his gaggle of new pokemon that have adopted him as their own on occasion and is reasonably concerned for this small child's well being. Yet no matter how hard he or anyone else tries, N continously evades any and all human social interaction without fail. At some point his evasion tactics get to sitcom level hijinks.
Pre BW at any point in the timeline? Oh boy. He catches a glimpse of any sort of pokeball on someone's person and immediately DESPISES them. N is begrudgingly willing to actually trade with the clans and guild, but he mostly keeps his distance from people. Regardless of his personal beliefs he is not willing to put in the mental energy to argue with people over liberation on his lonesome. If he ever catches wind of the stigmas surrounding Zoura & Zoroark he'd absolutely lose it. Like charge unprepared into the Icelands to confirm for himself sort of tunnel vision here. Overall I think he'd reluctantly interact with the other kids, and over time he becomes a sort of cryptid brother figure to the group that none of the adults have ever managed to talk to.
Post BW would likely be an anxiety ridden mess regardless of how many memories he retains. He just had his entire worldview burned down and is trying to pick up the scraps and figure out what was true and what was exaggerated, so yknow. Shaken to the core most likely. On top of that he is now torn from his very very small support system!! Having a grand time, Hisui is a highly recommended vacation location, 12/10 stars on Yelp. N would again, very reluctantly, interact with the Pingo train, mostly with the kids at first. Overtime he becomes part of the group, only realizing it after he desperately had to explain to one of the kids that no your cooking isn't bad, Ms Fluff just absolutely hates anything even slightly spicy but she still loves you very much please stop crying--. He's still one of the very much closed off members of the group, but at least there's another semi functional adult around to wrangle in the sack of idiots! Overtime he gets more comfortable and finds himself opening up more. Depending on the severity of his amnesia I could very much see N keeping the fact that he can perfectly understand pokemon to himself and himself only, barely skirting around the fact as he tries to help with any miscommunications. He's doing his best.
Post BW2 N is pretty similar to post BW, just to a lesser degree depending on how long he's had to recover from the whole "my pseudo parental figure got absorbed by a husk of a person against both of their wills" debacle. Plus he's had a lot of time to relearn and adjust his personal beliefs. He'd likely have an easier time interacting and opening up to other humans compared to pre bw him. This iteration of N, based purely on my own headcanons as to what shenanigans he was up to in the timeskip, is absolutely the most likely to physically throw hands with Kamado if he ever hears the man's opinions on pokemon. Most of the other times he'll politely bite his tongue at the "pokemon are terrifying creatures" comments. Volo calling himself a pokemon wielder also rubs him the wrong way, but his team likes him enough that he tries really hard not to snap that pokemon arent weapons or tools. This N also absolutely manages to befriend the Nobles. Half of the time if you can't find him he's having secret gossip time with one of them.
Entertaining thoughts anon, with all of these!
I do feel like N was mentioned a few times, but I don’t remember much of it, so I appreciate your in depth analysis of all the different options we have with this
I really do think the feral choice, and Pre-BW choice would both bring some interesting dynamics to the group of kids that I’m not sure any other characters have.
I liked the aspect of post-BW with him being a middleman between the other kids and their Pokémon, but I suppose feral and Pre-BW could offer that as well? (He would still act different about it though, and would need a lot of time given to warm up to the kids first though obviously…I feel like he’d rather want to be with the wild Pokémon if he was in the feral stage as well)
There really is a lot we could do with N in this AU!
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look. i just. want to talk about bakugou after your first big fight. bc i think he eventually becomes the type of person that knows when he's being too mean but he still can't stop. like you say one thing in defense to him and he takes it a step too far and immediately thinks, why the fuck did i say that—and then you get angrier and so he gets angrier and his inner monologue is just like shut up shut up shut up shut up before you say something you don't mean literally stop.
and so maybe he leaves, just to cool off.
not in the middle of the fight, but it's not resolved either. there's a lull between the little back and forth quips, all the "well i'm not saying that you—" and the "no, you're fuckin' saying—", the "don't cuss at me, katsuki—" and the "then don't talk to me like 'm—" and then it's silent. he's got more to say and so do you—but at the same time, he's just. over it. whatever started the argument in the first place has been left behind, anger moreso stemming from what's happened since the first shot was taken (by him, of fucking course), and he doesn't want to fight with you of all people. not you.
and the longer he's gone, the more it just spins around and around in his head. everything he said and the way he said it and why he said it, why the fuck did he say it. bakugou is—he's too used to fighting, too good at it bc that's all anyone has ever done with him. that's all anyone has ever shown him, that irritation, that push-back, that quick judgement and eventual avoidance. fed up with it. with him.
by the time he comes home—if he can call it that anymore—he knows it's over. he knows this is the part with the "i just don't think it's working out—" and the "really can't handle this right now—", the "you're an asshole—" and the—
and the worst of all is just the abandonment. the worst of all is when he'll come back to that apartment and you'll just be gone. you'll come and get your things over time, stuffing it all into cardboard until there aren't any traces left. until all that's there is the walls and the carpet and the frame and just. bakugou. alone. again.
but he walks through the door and you're just—there. washing some dishes, folding the laundry, poking at your phone because you can't sit still. and you frown at him with a little crease between your eyebrows, bc you're still mad and he knows this is it, this is when you look him in the eye and you tell him—
"i can't find the tv remote."
".......y'always lose the—the freakin' thing. did you check under the couch?"
"that's the first place i looked."
and you stand up to prove you're not sitting on it and he shakes out the throw blanket you were using and sticks his hand between the couch cushions and he finds a bunch of coins, a sock, that pair of underwear he took off of you the last time he had a night off—and the f—reakin' tv remote.
and you rest your forehead on his chest and you're pouting and you mumble out a, "thanks," even though you probably don't want to. you probably do a lot of things you don't want to do, with him. because of him. things you probably don't want to do anymore because you're fed up. and this is it. this is it.
"i love you, jerk."
when you wrap your arms limply around him, he doesn't say anything. because he can't. he can't shut up when he wants to, and he can't speak up when he wants to, and it's something you're probably tired of, maybe, he's not actually sure, but you let him bury his face into your hair and you pretend you don't notice that he's trembling just a little and that you can feel his racing heartbeat through his back.
bakugou doesn't say anything, because he can't, so you just lean into him a little more and you say,
"still love you."
and you pretend not to hear the deep inhale that he takes or the little groan he lets out, and you pretend not to feel the clench of his jaw or the barely-there wobble of his chin. and you say,
"still gonna choose to love you."
because you don't love him by accident. even with his irritation and his push-back, his smart-ass quips and his angry language. you see it all and you see him and you still say,
"always gonna love you."
and that's how bakugou knows where his home is. what it is. that's how he knows it's you, of all people.
#i love doing these kind of things#mainly bc they relate to what i'm trying to write in a longer piece BUT I'M SO EXCITED TO SHARE THAT I WANT TO BUT CANT#SO I JUST DO THIS LOL#but anyway i think there is something so heartbreaking about the idea of bakugou in a pervious semi long term relationship#like he loved someone and they loved him but things became too much#and he had to lose that person and it's shaken him to his entire core#and he is like haunted by the fact that he wasnt good enough#so when he gets into another relationship that he really REALLY wants to last#he's probably just so nervous !! about fucking up again !! bc he knows it's damn possible !!#wow how sad#ANYWAY#these also make me so shy BYE#bakugou drabble#bakugou x reader#JUST BC IDK IDK#✿ willow writes#✿ thoughts: bakugou#✿ theme: domestic bakugou
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Hi💖! Can I have a scenario with JJK boys ( gojo, sukuna, itadori, megumi, inumaki ) with gn! Reader who is very soft, cute and innocent. At first glance they look like they couldn't even hurt a fly or know a single swear word but in battlefield they change completely by absolutely have no mercy on their enemies and a motherfcking badass?? I enjoyed your squishy cheeks scenario and I hope you can do mind! I hope you take your time and do whatever most important to you first ༼ つ ◕‿◕ ༽つ (*＾3＾)/～♡
Having a s/o who's soft but a badass in the battlefield
▪︎Featuring: Itadori Yuuji, Fushiguro Megumi, Inumaki Toge, Gojo Satoru and Ryomen Sukuna from Jujutsu Kaisen
▪︎Pronoun: They/Them [Gn! Reader]
▪︎Genre: Comedy, Humor, Flyff and a lil bit crack
▪︎Warnings: uhhh violence? language and Slight nsfw in sukuna if u squint
note: Hello! Thanks for reading my work I appreciate it! and tbh the squishy cheeks are also one of my faves I'm sorry if this took so long I wanna write the scenario I think that will suit them sooo- Enjoy! Hope this was what u had in mind
》 Jujutsu Kaisen Masterlist
》 Main Masterlist
How dare you decieve this literal sunshine :<
When you charged at the special grade curse he felt like he was about to die again.
"NO! Y/N!" He shouted, voice raw and full of desperation as he tried to catch up with you but Megumi pulled him back.
"What are you doing!? Let me go! They might die! I-i can't lose them!" He yelled, trying to get put of Megumi's clutches as he could only watch in horror as you charged to the curse.
Yuuji turned limp into Megumi's arms as he saw you battle the curse with fierceness and a dangerous edge on you. He turned into the paper thingy HHAHAHAH
"W-what just happened..?" He stammered, eyes still transfixed on your form as you ran to him smiling and cheering.
"Did you saw me fight the curse Yu?! I took it down!" You cheered and spun around with him, sparkles somehow floating around you. Kugisaki tried to hide her laugh as she watched you spin around while Itadori just kinda... floats? He probably traumatized poor boi got a heart attack-
He still haven't recovered from the shock but he managed to stammer out a 'Yes'. He's still Paper! Itadori
He still couldn't wrap his head around the fact that you become an entirely different person when you fight.
He would probably shit himself if you ever get angry at him.
Ahhh my baby-
His reaction would be: 👁👄👁
Ope, sorry but he would clearly under estimate you. Not that it's intentional, he just thinks that you need his protection 24/7 because you just look so innocent and like you couldn't hurt a fly.
Oh how wrong he was.
Turns out he's the one that needs saving-
When he thought that he was done for, you suddenly kicked the curse in the face, seething. He almost thought you had an evil twin since he can't believe that's you.
"You thought you could get Megumi? Hah, fucker, DIEEEE!"
ExCuse mE wHaT wHy iS bAkugOu's SiBLiNg hErE-
Fushiguro just blinks at you while you fight the curse without even breaking a sweat, and did you curse?! He always thought his baby couldn't hurt someone but you're out there killing in cold blood-
It somehow warms his heart since you really care but he's kinda shaken to his core.
"Are you okay?!" You rushed to him and rubbed your cheek against his. "I was so worried! Don't worry! I'll watch your back so you won't get hurt!" You kissed his cheek, and just like that, any trace of you being an absolute op vanished.
He stammered, trying to ask a ton of questions but failing to.
Welp, It looks like he's the one that needs saving.
"Go honey! Screw them up! Kill them all!" Gojo let out a grin and cheered for you in the sidelines as he waved his arms around. This bitch i-
You giggled and grabbed your weapon, ready to show off to your clueless and worried students. "Of course! Wish me luck babe!"
"U-uhmm, Gojo sensei.." Yuuji gulped, worried for you. Even though he knows you're a special grade sorcerer he can't help but worry for you.
In the background you can already see them worry and being nervous
Gojo hummed, "They'll be alright! I know my baby can handle it!"
And just as he finished the sentence, you exorcised the curse succesfully. As you neared them, you have a shit eating grin plastered on your face as you took in the fsces of your students.
"We should invite L/n sensei next time when we spar!" Kugisaki suggested to her blindfolded teacher who just chuckled nervously in response.
"I would love to but-"
"He knows I'll beat his ass." You cackled, like kuroo as you looked over your lover who looked like he would pass out in embarassment.
"I did not brag you to our students just for you to bring me down."
Toge groaned in pain as blood spills out from his wound, rendering him immobile. When he found you rushing towards him he widened his eyes and shook his head rapidly, telling you to get far away as the curse is much stronger than they thought to be.
When he saw the curse approaching you and preparing to strike he felt himself grow cold as he desperately tries to use his voice, even though he already reached his limit. He felt tears prick his vision as he watched in pain in what he thought will be the end of you.
AAAACK DON'T CRY
Sliced.
Into thousand pieces. The curse didn't stand a chance against your speed and precision as you succesfully exorcised it.
He blinked; once, twice, a couple times, he couldn't really process what he was seeing.
You panted, hands on ur legs as you bent down to cath your breath. "That was a close one.." He stared in disbelief as your dangerous aura vanished and you approached him with a smile. "Are you okay? Can you stand baby?"
He shook his head "B-bonito Flakes." Then giving you a look that you better explain what just happened. You chuckled sheepishly, a cute but nervous smile appearing as you scratched the back of your head.
"Yes yes... I know I have to explain but let's get you patched up first okay?"
Never did he thought he would fall for a soft person. Not even once. Since he always find those types not worthy to gain his precious attention.
He figured out that there was something wrong with him since he's usually like more edgy type of person. Turns out he was wrong.
When he saw you in action he can't help but smirk and wolf whistle at you. He's also turned on but he wouldn't admit it outloud (save Yuuji cuz he's so ashamed by Sukuna's actions)
"Damn babe, you didn't tell me you weren't a damsel in distress-"
Sukuna didn't know if it was intentional that he got hit by your weapon, but when you apologized to him he automatically thinks that it was an accident.
"Oh no! Suku, are you okay?!" You fussed over him, trying not to burst out laughing so you won't blow your cover. He groaned in pain, you didn't exacly injure him since you'd feel bad when Yuuji takes over so that will do.
"Does it look like it?" He mumbled, not yelling since he doesn't want you to be upset with him. He becomes a putty in your hands, that's how much he's willing to do anything for you.
"I-im sorry but HHAHAHAH YOU SHOULD'VE SEEN YOUR FACE SUKU!" You booped his nose as he scowled, "You... I'll wreck you!"
You giggled, flashing him a cute smile and wink as you ran away, Sukuna hot on your heels.
You snickered, "Sure you will, honey."
#jjk x you#jjk x reader#jjk x y/n#jjk gojo#jjk sukuna#jjk fushiguro#jjk itadori#jjk inumaki#jujutsu kaisen imagines#jujutsu kaisen scenarios#jjk scenarios#x reader#jjk crack#fushiguro x reader#sukuna x reader#itadori x reader#gojo x reader#inumaki x reader#jjk imagines#jujutsu kaisen x you#jujutsu kaisen x gender neutral reader
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Hi!! Can you do they boys getting kidnapped but its Diluc, Childe, and Kazuha? Thank you!!💗💗
Note: I just want to point out that there's no actual reason on how I choose for the reader to beat up the kidnappers since part 1,, it's totally random as long as I'm trying out different ideas whatever fits ehe. Enjoy! 💖
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Kidnapped Genshin Boys x Fem Rich!reader pt.2
Part 1 (Kaeya, Zhongli, Xiao)
Characters: Childe, Diluc, Kazuha
Genre: fluff, established relationship, some woman kicking ass action, (TW: mentions of blood and violence)
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CHILDE
Your boyfriend would definitely try to go head-to-head against the shady group of people who abducted him. The gang accountable must be living under the rock for even considering one of the most dangerous Harbingers as their prey to carry out their schemes.
However, Childe learned that there would be ramifications if he tries to be rash without gathering solid intel first. Having no knowledge of your current circumstances and whereabouts troubled him to the core. They could have already sent out a corresponding group towards you and endanger you if he failed to listen.
Being wealthy is not a foreign concept to Childe as he is also a wealthy man himself. That said, the premonition of being a target for a ransom would not be unrealistic to him. For now, he is glad that he is the victim here instead of having to witness you kidnapped.
"You know, you could've asked me nicely for some money. I might just give it to you, instead of doing all this for my girlfriend's money." Despite being in a position far from desirable, Childe leisurely sat on the chair that he was bound to, crossing his legs. He was making small talks to push away the worst scenarios happening to you. Are you safe? Are you crying? Did they hurt you?
"I don't know who you are to be running your mouth, but you should value your life a little more." Their leader emerged from the group.
Childe's ocean eyes squinted as menace casts upon his pupils, his voice lowered, "Is that so? Ironic, because you guys seem to value money more than your lives."
The head stepped back slightly, "Enough with your empty threats! You should be aware of the current situation you're in. We're not fooling around here."
"I'm not fooling around either."
As sparks were thrown back and forth, you made your way in through the main entrance. Tapping the shoulder that belongs to one of the men, "Excuse me, I need to get to my boyfriend." Your fist sunk into the side of his face when he turned towards you. He collapsed on the ground with a few broken teeth and blood spewing out of his mouth. Moving on to the next adversary in your path, you fought with full faith in your abilities no matter how intimidating they were.
Soon, the leader and people further ahead finally took notice of it. You pave your way towards your boyfriend and eventually, both your eyes meet each other. Childe puffed out a breath of relief when he finally saw you, but also registering the fact that you just took down most of the men with your bare hands.
Kicking away the men who tried to grab you, you then waved enthusiastically at Childe, "Hey girlie, hold still." Rushing right ahead to the leader, you brought your arm near your face, elbow pointing outwards. The sharp edge from your elbow jabbed his throat, causing him to choke and lose balance.
As his reaction dulled, it was your chance to strike again. Thus, you gallantly overthrew their leader and the entire gang by yourself.
After helping Childe, he stood up abruptly and placed his hands on your shoulder with eagerness written all over the face, "I never knew you could fight so well! How about a spar with me right now?" Expect your boyfriend to continuously bug you to indulge in his rampant itch to fight anyone that comes across as a worthy opponent. Though, the real takeaway from this experience was the way your hair clings to your face with sweat as the adhesive and the triumph look in your eyes. It was a rather attractive sight to relish in his taste.
DILUC
Your boyfriend would be infuriated that crooked people like these exist, much less target him to extort money from you. Just another validation to add up on how incompetent the Knights of Favonious is, he thought. Someone will have to clean up their mess, that someone being him. What better way to do that than to follow them to their hideout to seek out the whole organization?
Diluc is renowned for being one of the richest men in Teyvat. Naturally, the group thought they hit the jackpot on not only holding him for ransom, but potentially garnering some money from him as well.
The only concern he carries is your wellbeing. Diluc fears that this incident will affect you mentally. His head started filling up with formulations on ways to resolve this matter without causing any uproar to guarantee your safety.
When the head was introduced to him, he gritted his teeth to suppress every ounce of his might to not reach for his claymore. Diluc still has to prioritize gathering information first regarding the gang. His patrons at Angel's Share are usually the ones providing him with promising intel of any evildoers, but some things are just meant to be obtained by himself.
"Is this the only hideout you have? Quite in a shambles, don't you think?" Diluc's eyes shifted around the dilapidated building, observing the surroundings to know his enemies better.
The leader rolled his eyes, "It wouldn't be so bad once we get some funding from you and your girlfriend." Diluc hummed. Judging from his answer, it is safe to assume that the organization is rather a small scaling one. Defeating them right now will result in uprooting the source once and for all.
As Diluc was about to do so, a lackey of the gang ran frantically towards them, panting labored when he reached and trying to catch his breath. "What is it?" The leader question.
"T-there's... there's someone." He pointed towards a direction with fear layering his voice.
"What? Why are you so scared?" They all glanced towards the spot.
"I swear there was a woman! I don't know who it is, but she took out some of our guys on guard outside."
In disbelief that a woman could have done anything so reckless, the leader trudged to said location. As it is a spot lacking light, the darkness and shadow made it challenging for him to pinpoint if anyone is there. When he moved closer, you crept out behind from his blind spot and kicked the back of his head, causing his head to spin. Your arm lunged forward, gaining a tight hold onto his nape. You put everything into pushing him, his forehead hammered down to the floor. Creating a loud thud, it gave him a concussion.
"Looking for me?" Your foot stamped onto his back, just making sure he stays down.
Everyone, including your boyfriend, had their pupils dilated at the scene. You sighed at the silence, "All of you just messed with the wrong couple." Lifting your foot away, you stomped forward without giving them a second thought. Your arms and legs are all warmed up for many rounds against your foes.
Diluc watched you from afar as you drove your way towards victory. Although he could step in to help, he admits silently to himself that he would like to observe you a little longer. Putting his trust in your calibers to carry you far, his eyes never left your brave figure.
Once you cleared the group, the next thing to do is checking on Diluc. Already unfastening the restrains himself, he walked to you, "That was well executed. Your abilities shouldn't be underestimated. Don't join the Knights though." He stressed the last remark, scoffing. You chuckled and held his hand to guide him out of here, "Thanks. Glad to impress you, Master Diluc. Let's go home."
KAZUHA
Your boyfriend is a rather hard target to impose on for their plans of kidnapping him. His senses are just too refined for an ordinary person to challenge. Basic tactics, such as overthrowing him with the element of surprise have proven to be futile. Thus, Kazuha will always be able to evade falling prey into their hands.
The only way Kazuha could have been kidnapped is through falsifying evidence of you being in a life-threatening situation. Although he has successfully saved his own skin, not the same could be applied to you. Feeling his resolve shaken, what other choices could he have? Prioritizing your safety is the most important thing right now.
Kazuha may have faced similar situations in the past when out in the sea, encountering pirates of other crew aiming for the Crux Fleet's fortune. Being in the position as a captive for ransom is new. He actually found it amusing, rather than having thoughts of blaming you. It is not your fault that you are blessed with wealth. It is the fault of the criminals.
"Ain't you that the kid who's with Beidou? You're part of her crew." The leader questioned his target, to which he was greeted by Kazuha's silence. "Tell you what. You're just like the rest of us. We want to be rich. How about you ask your girlfriend to bring some more money and we'll give you a share as well?"
Kazuha's face darkened, "I don't know what you've heard, but it must be really valiant of you to assume to worst out of the Crux Fleet and myself. I'd appreciate it if you cease lumping me together with criminals like you."
The Crux Fleet does put up with an infamous reputation amongst the Qixing. Perhaps the abductors concluded that Kazuha has a negative conscience just like them, as in upholding a relationship with you to have a taste of your assets. Still, if he tried to talk his way out of it, barbarians like them will never reach a mutual understanding with him. Kazuha shut his eyes, ignoring any further confrontations to preserve his energy as he contemplates a plan.
He was interrupted when he thought he heard your voice nearby, carried by the wind. The others around him did not hear it since it was just something only Kazuha could pick up. Applying full concentration, he managed to form what he heard, "Get out of my way, please, while I'm asking nicely."
Opening his eyes, he turned to stare at the entrance. As if on cue, the door swung open when you kicked it down, announcing your presence. Some men fainted below your feet.
The others instantly reacted by storming towards your direction to stop your advancement. You stood still in your position, taking a mindful deep breath. One thing you learned from Kazuha is to always remain cold-headed before engaging in a fight.
Kazuha wanted to get out of the restraints to rescue you, but instead, you started dishing out few moves against the men.
When you thought you finished with the remaining numbers, their leader was about to declare his victory, "I got you!" Encircling his arm around your neck in an attempt to strangle you, you huffed and grinned towards Kazuha to signal him you have it under control.
You elbowed his stomach and felt him loosen his grip when he winced. Making enough gap between his arm and your neck, you slipped away and swiftly kicked in between his groins. The color drained from his face and tumbled to the ground, passing out in pain, "Hmph, this is what happens when you touch a lady without her permission." You brushed away the hair from your face after an arduous fight.
Jogging towards your boyfriend, "Kazuha!" He brisked towards you as well and held you in his embrace, softly rubbed your nape, "You're giving me plenty of inspirations for a haiku after such a wonderful performance." Kazuha would appreciate you refraining from such a heedless approach next time. He was comforted to see you safe and knowing the threats were nothing more than to use you, his weakness, against him. After witnessing that, Kazuha will be slightly ashamed he even doubted you in the first place, so he trusts that you can watch out for yourself next time.
#childe x reader#childe genshin impact#diluc x reader#diluc genshin impact#kazuha x reader#kazuha genshin impact#genshin impact x reader#genshin impact imagines#genshin impact headcanons
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peach’s summer book list
i had a lot of fun compiling the list of books i read during the 20-21 winter, so i decided i would do a summer one as well! i still have a lot of books i own but haven’t read, so im definitely not lacking in material
if you didn’t see my winter list, how my book list works is basically like this: i read a book that i own but have not previously read, write a short summary immediately after finishing the book, write down my thoughts on the book, and then provide a rating for the book. i also might include background info on why i read this particular book/feelings about the author, but that depends on the book. that’s how each entry works
without further ado, let’s get started!
1. Grasshopper Jungle by Andrew Smith
okay so i absolutely adore another book by andrew smith (written after grasshopper jungle) called the alex crow. it’s one of my favorite books of all time, so naturally i wanted to see if grasshopper jungle would make me feel similarly. just like the alex crow, grasshopper jungle’s plot is. so fucking weird. it stars austin szerba, a teenage polish kid who lives in ealing, iowa, and is often sexually confused regarding his girlfriend shann and his best friend robby. and in ealing, iowa, austin and robby accidentally and unknowingly unleash an unstoppable army of huge six-foot-tall praying mantis bugs that only want to do two things: fuck and eat. and i just have to say: andrew smith’s got an absolutely dynamo writing style. alex crow is similar, where it’s a book about kind of everything all at once, framed in a moment centering around teenage boys. it’s fantastic, and it’s more than a little gross, and i love it. this book made me feel so many things, and i thought austin was such an amazing narrator and main character to identify with. this book has it all: shitty teenage boy humor, fucked up science experiments, and poetic imagery that will make you want to cry. and explicit lgbt characters.
412/10 andrew smith what do you put in your water i just want to know
2. Burn by Patrick Ness
patrick ness has written a plethora of some of my favorite books (such as a monster calls, the chaos walking trilogy, and the rest of us just live here) so when i saw this one in the store i knew it would be a great one. burn is an alternate history fantasy that takes place in 1957 frome, washington, during the height of the cold war, and it begins with a girl named sarah and her father hiring a dragon to help out on their farm. but there’s not just dragons, farm living, and cold war tensions; there’s also a really shitty small town cop, a cult of dragon worshippers and their deadly teenage assassin, a pair of fbi agents, and a prophecy that sarah’s newly hired dragon claims she’s a part of. i think eoin colfer’s highfire was on my winter list, which also featured a story that included dragons and shitty cops, so when i first began burn i thought it was funny to have two books that had both things. you know, if you had a nickel etc etc. but that’s really where the similarities end because burn is entirely it’s own monster (dragon). burn is entirely invested in its world, and its fascinating. not only that, i had no clue where the book would take me next. there were so many surprises and amazing twists that honestly just blew me away. this book also includes beautifully written complicated discussions on family, race, and love - it features interracial and queer romances as the two most prominent romance plots which was such a nice surprise from a book i wasn’t expecting to have that kind of representation. this book is witty, fast-paced, and a very heartening read - i absolutely adored it.
9/10 dragons and becoming motivated by the power of love and friendship are so fucking cool
3. As Meat Loves Salt by Maria McCann
i hate this book! as meat loves salt is a historical fiction novel which takes place in seventeenth century england, which is going through a grisly civil war. the protagonist, jacob cullen, is a servant for a wealthy household and is engaged to another servant in the house. but due to certain events that are almost entirely jacob’s fault, he flees the house and is separated from his wife. from there, he joins the royal army and meets a kind soldier, ferris, and the two become fast friends. jacob and ferris’s relationship begins to bridge past friendly, and jacob struggles with his homoerotic feelings as well as the growing obsession and violence inside him. also, they try to start a colony. listen, i don’t know how to describe the book because so much happens, but it basically just follows jacob and all the terrible decisions he makes because he is, truly, a terrible person. ferris is kind and good, and jacob is scum of the earth. he sucks so bad. the entire time i was reading this book (which took absolutely so long), all i wanted was for jacob to just get his ass handed to him. i wanted to see him suffer. and it’s not like i just personally don’t like him - i believe the book purposefully depicts him as unsympathetic even though he is the narrator. i did enjoy the very in depth and accurate portrayal of what life would’ve been like in seventeenth century england, and i think it was interesting to read a character that is just the absolute worst person you’ve ever encountered and see him try and justify his actions, so if you enjoy that kind of thorough writing, then this book would be perfect for you. however, i did not see that bitch ass motherfucker jacob cullen suffer enough. i’d kill him with my bare hands.
2/10 diversity win! the worst man on earth is mlm!
4. This Savage Song by Victoria Schwab
i know ive had a friend tell me how great one of schwab’s other book series is, but truthfully i bought this book because the cover is sick as hell and it was on a table in the store that advertised for buy two get one free, i think. something like that. anyway, this savage song takes place in a future in which monsters, for whatever reason, suddenly became real and out for blood in a mysterious event nicknamed the phenomenon. august flynn is one of these monsters, but he takes no pride in that fact and only wants to feel human. kate harker is the daughter of a ruthless man and is trying her hardest to be ruthless, too, but deep down she knows it’s just an act. their city, verity, stands divided, and kate and august stand on either side - but when august is sent on a mission to befriend kate in the hopes of stopping an all out war, the lines begin to blur. this book rules. august and kate are such interesting and dynamic characters, and the narrative is familiar while still being capable of twisting the story around and taking the feet out from under you in really compelling ways. this savage song is part of the monsters of verity duology, and i can’t wait to dive into how the story continues and finishes.
11/10 sometimes you can judge a book by it’s cover
4a. Our Dark Duet by Victorian Schwab
this is the sequel and finale for this savage song and i’d figure i’d update everyone: fantastic ending, beautiful, showstopping, painful.
12/10 loved it and will definitely be keeping an eye out for schwab’s other books
5. White is for Witching by Helen Oyeyemi
oh boy. okay. white is for witching is about a house, and it is about the women who have lived inside of it. when her mother dies abroad, miranda silver begins to act strangely, and there’s nothing her father or her twin brother seem to be able to do about it. she develops an eating disorder and begins to hear voices in the silver family house, converted to a bed and breakfast by miranda’s dad; and she begins to lose herself in the house and the persistent presence of her family legacy. white is for witching switches perspective dizzingly and disorientingly between miranda, her twin eliot, miranda’s friend from school named ore, and the house itself. this story is a horror story as much as it as a tragedy as much as it is a romance as much as it is a bunch of other things. oyeyemi brings race, sexuality, nationality, and family into this story and forces you not to look away. this book is poetry.
(like i mentioned briefly, this book heavily deals with topics of race and closely follows miranda’s eating disorder. read responsibly, and take care of yourselves)
15/10 this book consumed me and i think i’ll have to read it another 10 more times to feel it properly
6. These Violent Delights by Chloe Gong
okay. okay. strap in for a ride. these violent delights is a romeo and juliet style story, taking place in glittering 1920’s shanghai. the city stands divided - not only between the foreign powers encroaching on chinese land, but also between the scarlet gang and the white flowers, who are at the height of a generations-long blood feud. juliette cai, heir to the scarlets, has recently returned from four years abroad and is determined to prove herself ruthless enough to lead. roma montagov, heir to the white flowers, is standing strenuously on his place as next in line due to a slip up four years prior and is desperate to keep hold of his title. and in the midst of juliette and roma’s burning history with each other threatening to combust, an unnatural monster lurks in the waters of shanghai, loosing a madness on scarlets and white flowers alike. this book has it all - scorned ex lovers, political intrigue, deadly monsters, and all set on a glamorous backdrop of the roaring twenties. i absolutely was enraptured by this book and the way it plays around the story of romeo and juliet so well that it easily became it’s own monster, but with the punches and embraces of something classically shakespearan. gong does just an absolutely breathtaking job of fitting this fantastical story amid the larger world of shanghai and the real life historical events that had shaken the city to its core. completely immersive and outstandingly heart racing.
17/10 i was chewing on my fingernails for the last thirty pages and will continue to do so until the sequel is released (our violent ends, 16 nov 21)
7. The Antiques by Kris D’Agostino
you ever heard of the american dysfunctional family story? this is most definitely that. at the same time george westfall’s cancer takes a turn for the worse, a hurricane hits the east coast, and suddenly all at once the issues of his health, the hurricane, and all three of his children’s achingly dysfunctional adult lives are crashing into each other. reunited by george’s death, the westfall siblings have to face their grief, each other, and the problems in their own lives they attempted to put on hold while planning their father’s memorial. this is a nice story about grief and loss and love and somehow finding the humor amidst it all.
(this book does include a depiction of an autistic child who does experience several pretty bad meltdowns due to ignorant people around him not understanding how to cater to his needs. im not an authority on what depictions are or are not harmful, but i do believe this depiction is ultimately loving and well-intended.)
7/10 it made me laugh and cry and was generally one of those books that somehow hit you close to home
8. Fierce Fairytales by Nikita Gill
fierce fairytales is a poetry anthology that reimagines classic fairytales from a modern, feminist viewpoint, acknowledging that the line between hero and villain, monster and damsel, are not as clear cut as the classics try to make you believe. this book also includes illustrations done by the author herself, which i think is really cool. my personal favorite story reimagining was the story of peter pan and captain hook, called ‘boy lost’ which looked at how peter and hook’s relationship began and rotted. all in all, i think this collection of stories had a lot of important things to say and said them in frank, easy to understand poetry and prose.
7/10 beautiful message and pretty prose, but at times a little cliche
and that’s all from the summer! my fall semester starts tomorrow, and overall i feel very good about all the reading i did this summer. i even read four other books not on this list for work! so i definitely feel like i made the most out of my time, and im really glad i was able to read so many stories that made me feel a variety of different things
thanks so much for reading this list, and let me know if you read or have read any of these books and tell me what you think of them!
happy reading<3
#book recs#book rec#book rec list#grasshopper jungle#burn#as meat loves salt#this savage song#monsters of verity#white is for witching#these violent delights#the antiques#fierce fairytales#just like my winter list i did write ever review immediately after finishing the book and i think.#i think here you can really tell what my immediate reactions were based on how the review is written fbfjfjd
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[G] Gentle summer - Rengoku Kyojuro x GN!Reader - Part 7
[Contains spoilers from the movie, and the manga] [No pronouns used for the reader, no physical description; Everyone +18]
Words : 11 509
Archive of our own
Warning: nudity / Intimacy / Prepare some tissues
Inspired by those works : First Second Third on Twitter
— Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6 -
I am seeing him again today, was the only thought running without ever stopping in my mind. Thrill and excitement were filling my entire being. That energy was put to good use by walking a lot, I barely saw time fly by. We did stop too many times for my taste, but complaining would do me no good. Instead, I was counting down the remaining distance until we reached the estate. I received a few comments from the most daring recruits, when my pace started getting too fast. Uchiyama was the recruit in question, he did not feel one ounce of fear towards me, even knowing I was his captain. He had put a hand on my shoulder and frowned. “Captain, are we in a hurry or something?” was what he had told me the time I dared speed up.
Chuckling, almost bashfully, I’d shaken my head and slowed down, “You are right, there is no rush. Should we take a break and eat?” When I heard the small voices behind agreeing, we all thought it best to settle for a while and have lunch. It did not take them long to finish their meal, even amidst their laughter and jokes. I was glad to see them so carefree after all they had been through. The look in their eyes had changed from the time they had joined the corps; they had lived through events that shaped the soul in the most awful ways, and I could see it in the absence of a glimmer in their gaze. Even with that change, I had them alive by my side and matured, it was the closest I could get to a success.
Losing myself in thoughts, I pondered more.
We had suffered losses, but what better way to mourn than to remember the good times we had and to keep living? To best honor the dead is to live a life we would define as worth it. Not to let others define it, but to feel in the depth of our core that we made the best of it, in our own way. Then again, everyone mourned differently. Takeshi and Daisuke were proof of that. The former had needed a lot of time alone; everyone had been there to support him, trying to joke around and to keep things as they were before all of it happened. Daisuke, while he kept a huge smile on his face, saw more than he should have at such a young age. He played it off, he kept his armour on, even if sorrow was written all over his face.
Many recruits were aware their friends died somehow, but they did not see it unfold in front of their eyes. But Daisuke had seen his partner get killed in front of him. It left him scarred, in the depth of his being, thatI knew from the relentless nights I spent by his side trying to calm his night terrors. Only time could help with the things he had gone through, but being with others that had lived through some of those things with him also had helped greatly. Seeing them knit-tight close was heartwarming.
It almost made me forget what was coming, what we were all getting ready for. Blinking out of my thoughts, I had come to the realization I was not participating much in the conversation.
I kept a certain distance from them when I was eating a bit further away. However, the distance was more than physical. I hated myself for doing so, but I could not let them get too close in case I lost them during this last battle. That thought crossed my mind too many times during this entire mission. Every time one of them came up to me for help, for advice, or even friendship, I would welcome them, but my heart would tell me it was a bad idea. Yet, I kept telling them to not hesitate if they needed to talk. A wrong move was the only way I would describe it, but I was their mentor, and we all needed some reassurance from time to time. I was the main provider of that reassurance, no matter how much I tried to talk sense into my actions of getting close to them.
“Captain! We should resume, I believe we just might arrive by lunch if we walk a bit faster,” Hana said enthusiastically. She helped everyone pack after I told her we could do that, adding that it would be great to have a warm meal and see everyone. I kept to myself the excitement I was feeling to finally see Kyojuro again; it was hard to do so with the little shivers I would get. The weather was far from cold, but the idea of seeing his beautiful face again, to be finally able to hold him, to enjoy more of him than that fleeting moment at the fireworks when our lips finally met, it sent energy coursing through my body.
As I was leading everyone, I could hear the loudest of my recruits talk in what they thought was a whisper, “Come on Jin, do you like the Captain? Is that why you’re all-“ Not wanting Jin to combust in embarrassment, I called out over my shoulder sternly, “Uchiyama, leave him alone. I suggest you learn the difference between admiration and love,” Pausing, I quickly added in a lighter tone, “Anyone would be amazed by my fighting skills, I could take you all in a fight,” I huffed jokingly. A few of them laughed and told Uchiyama he should keep his mouth shut, even adding that if the Captain was the one to reprimand him, he had fucked up. Seeing how everyone resumed talking merrily together, Daisuke approached me, bumping my shoulder, a bit too familiar for my taste but I let him.
“Say, you’re a bit quiet in the front. Is everything alright? You don’t seem excited to return to the estate,” Daisuke said, worry laced in his tone. His demeanor made him look smaller than he actually was, he acted shy and unsure of his movements, but all of that disappeared when he entered a fight. It was interesting to know he was the one I had seen fight with determination, with no hesitation in his motions, only raw strength capable of cutting body parts. He was the same man that had been by my side the entire month and throughout fights even as fear had overrun his body. Daisuke was a great addition to the corps and to my closer circle, even if I wanted to keep him away from me in case I lost him.
Looking at him with a playful smile, I lowered my tone and whispered, “If I may be honest with you, I am more than excited to return. However, it will not do us any good to have me all over the place,” I huffed a laugh, surprising Daisuke. A curious brow rose on his expressive face, “I’ve never seen you like this! Is there something waiting for you at the estate? Wait—is it the person you’ve been exchanging letters with?” He asked a bit too rapidly, his speech faster than usual from how thrilled he was. It made me chuckle more, my face heating up lightly, but I could blame it on the long trek we had started and not tell him I was flustered at the mere thought of Kyojuro. “It is, I have someone waiting for me,” and no words can really express how much I miss him, I thought, nodding with a chuckle.
“Can I ask who it is? I am curious now!” He asked in hushed whispers, a genuine smile adorning his features. Shaking my head, I rolled my eyes at how childish he sounded. But, it was heartwarming to see his interest, so I replied, “If you must know, it is the Fire Pillar-“ “Sir Rengoku! That is so grand! An intense man indeed, but definitely not as intense as sir Himejima, I remember my training with him…” He then started talking about his experience with Gyomei, I listened intently. For some reason, I preferred having him talk about himself than having him prying in my personal life. I still felt odd mentioning I was with Rengoku, no matter how much I loved him, simply because I was not sure people would take it well that we are having our own fun while a big battle was brewing.
I enjoyed having Daisuke talk by my side as we made our way back to the Butterfly Estate, of course I would not let him have a monologue, I would intervene and ask questions. Everyone was bantering light-heartedly behind us, which almost made the situation normal; I did not know if it was on purpose, to try to keep this faux-semblance of normality or if they were really carefree. The latter would be hard to believe, considering all they had been through recently, but I liked the idea of still having them optimistic and hopeful. How ironic.
The further we walked, the faster my heart was beating. I thought talking with Daisuke would help calm my rapidly beating heart, but all it did was embarrass me. I would sometimes stammer, my speech being faster than what it would usually be. That’s when I decided to keep my tongue in check and not speak as much as I would have liked. Daisuke did not find any inconvenience to that; I had seen his short smile the few times his gaze would look at the way my hand was clenching the handle of my sword. If I did not do that, I would have been drumming my fingers or playing with my hands from how stressed I was.
It took us a few hours of walking to finally reach the estate. Fortunately, the sun was high above our heads, meaning we had arrived around midday. It means more time with him, I thought eagerly. I had to take a deep breath to stop myself from running to the doors and tried my hardest to slow my pulse down. Everyone was chattering happily, some saying they could use a bath, others craved a bowl of rice, and I knew the quiet ones were longing for a good night’s sleep in a warm futon.
I longed for his arms. I wanted to run all around the estate to find him and throw myself at him, not caring if anyone was watching, not caring if he’d fall down. Would he be as excited as I was? Would he allow me to be this open? I am sure he would, he has never been discrete even before we officially got together, I thought with a smile.
“Captain, you can go find him if you’d like! I’ll get everyone to their room-“ “No, it’s alright. I am not that desperate,” a lie. A blatant lie. The pressure in my chest was insufferable, my insides were churning, more shivers ran down my spine with each step I took towards the mansion. If I put more thought into being aware of my entire body, I would feel how my feet were uncoordinated and my hands were clammy. Excitement was at its peak, and I knew I was more than desperate. I was aching to hold him, to touch him, to love him… “If you say so! We should hurry and get some food,” Daisuke startled me out of my thoughts.
Telling everyone to walk ahead, I made sure to secure the gate once we had stepped inside. They all seemed as excited as children on a field trip to the forest. I had a hard time feeling like that because my mind kept wandering to the thought of Kyojuro. When the recruits entered the estate, I stepped around the building and made my way to where I believed Rengoku could have been training his group. I made sure to hide my presence to not startle him and keep him focused. “One, two, three, and again! The other way, one, two, slash! Good work, good work! You are all improving greatly, I am sure we can go even further! Let’s try this again,” Hearing his voice made my heart burst with joy, but I kept my composure and leaned from behind the wall to catch a glimpse of his features.
I was caught off guard when I realized a new scar was adorning his beautiful face. While it was covered by an eye patch, I could see the pinkened skin on his cheek. All my excitement turned into panic, what had I missed? What had happened that left him like that? “You! Come here, try with me. If you manage to hit me, everyone gets a break, let’s begin!” I heard him speak loudly, his voice roaring like thunder as always. I got startled when he had called out the recruit, then realized he was not talking to me and sighed in relief.
He was smiling broadly, his hair sticking to his face as usual even if it was tied back. He did not seem to mind one bit to be lacking part of his sight and yet I could not help but feel pity. Would he want that? I do not think so, but there was no helping it. I wanted to interrupt him and talk to him aside, but seeing him training so hard, his determination unchanged and his skills just as sharp, I had to let him work.
Deciding to leave him alone until he would retire to his chambers, I turned around and was about to walk back to my recruits when my path was blocked by someone. That someone being the Sound Pillar.
“You’re back, why don’t you go talk to him?” He puffed his chest, his arms low on his stomach, hands hidden in the huge sleeves of his attire, as he looked at me with what looked like disdain. He seemed changed too; just like Rengoku, he had an eye patch. His was a lot less simple however, it was covered with little jewels. The married man was not wearing his Pillar outfit either, no. Instead, he had his hair down and had opted for a kimono that was very loose on the top, enough to show off his muscles. While I wanted to think he was showing off, the weather was warm and heavy, which could explain his attire. Trying to act casual, I shrugged, “He is busy,” I said off-handedly, looking to the side.
“See, you can’t look away now! It’s awkward enough that you’ve stared and all,” He grumbled, I quickly apologized, meeting his eyes again with a small smile. “God, you’re making this so awkward and for what?” He scoffed, annoyed, before gesturing for me to follow him with a motion of his head; as I did, I asked in all seriousness, “Do not be frustrated at me, how would you feel if when you returned from a long mission everyone had changed drastically?” The man had since calmed down and looked over his shoulder, his gaze observant and calculating. “Change is a big word, don’t you think? I like to say we were sketches, drafts, and now we are the final product, that is all.” He said, in the hopes of sounding poetic perhaps. “Each stroke is what makes the art, right? You paint over the lines you don’t like; you leave the one you feel makes it better, and sometimes when you accidentally brush over the paper, it looks great. Accidents are great.”
Offering him a slight chuckle, not really getting his metaphor, I nodded as I sat down when he did. He had guided us back inside, in one of the tea rooms and had gestured for me to pour us a cup each. I did not comment on his words. “What happened?” I asked as I brought the burning cup to my lips. It was not the greatest weather to drink such a warm beverage, but I enjoyed it, nonetheless. “You cannot ask someone how they got their scar-“ “Uzui, I am serious. Is there anyone that did not make it? Why was I not made aware of all the damage everyone had taken?” His demeanor changed greatly. While he had an air of playfulness, light-heartedness even, seconds ago, now he looked at me sternly.
Sighing, he leaned back on one hand and brought one knee closer to his chest, “The district was attacked, I am retired, nothing more,” He paused, giving me a long stare before continuing, “For the others, it happened at the swordsmith village. No one died, I think Ren took the most damage and he is doing great, as you’ve seen,” I had. I had seen how he looked, but even behind this enthusiastic attitude, I was certain he was exhausted and in pain, he had shared that at least through his letters.
I felt hurt that he had not told me about his injury, but I could not feel anger yet. He must have had a good reason to do so, and to find out I would have to talk with him. “Are you retiring with your wives or will they be continuing-“ “Of course I’m retiring with my gals! I’m just here to help train recruits, they need to be in perfect shape if they want to be able to carry my legacy,” He said with a loud laugh, I joined him in his joy with more modesty.
He had indeed not changed much, but there was still something different about him. Uzui had always been mature, as much as it pained me to admit it, but he seemed even more so now. What had he seen at the district, or perhaps had been through, that shaped him like that? I could see in his eyes he wanted all of this to be over, he wanted peace, to return to his wives’ arms and to relax. The time was nearing when he would be able to do so. And when that time comes, I will have a sunken feeling in my chest that will only be shaken off by our victory.
“You’re still stupid to not go talk to him, the man’s been blabbering without ever stopping about you,” He quirked a brow, looking at me curiously and added, “I do not know what you’ve been exchanging in those letters of yours, but it fired him up to a point where we can barely have him take a break,” Leaning forward, he took a sip of his tea then raised his index as he added “The recruits are definitely paying the price, I hope you’ll apologize to them.” A laugh of relief and joy escaped my lips upon knowing Rengoku had been encouraged by my letters. However, I did not know which part had had him in such a state; was it the dream of a peaceful life together or my lewd words? Whichever it was, a funny feeling settled in my stomach.
I leaned forward, resting my elbows on the small table in front of us, “I am glad it helped him as much as it helped me, I will admit it was very tense out there and-“ I paused, shaking my head, “I’m sure it is not of your interest how everything went down, so tell me,” Looking up at him again, I smiled and continued, making sure not to shove my cup with my elbow, “What made you want to retire? What happened in the district that led you to this decision?” His face turned sour, his gaze diverting to the cup he was holding for a short moment. Slowly, he set it down and looked at his lap a moment before lifting his head high once again. “This,” He spat, pulling his left sleeve to show his hand, or lack thereof. It was still bandaged, but I was not sure it was because it was still healing.
From his attitude, he seemed angry to show it, if not ashamed. What I knew was that he did not need pity, so I held back from showing shock on my face. Instead, I breathed out, “I can understand the change in career,” His face lit up in surprise, then he let out a loud laugh. “Yeah, kind of hard to fight now. But hey, that doesn’t mean I can’t please my women,” He said with a wiggle of his fingers. I had to give him a look at how vulgar it sounded. I still huffed a chuckle, “A lot of people are attracted to scars, I am sure Makio, Suma and Hinatsuru find you just as charming.”
I was taken aback when his cheeks turned redder. He tried to cover it by taking a sip from his cup, but I had seen it and found it relieving that even this loud man could be flustered from genuine compliments. “They’ve been great, I should be glad they’re not leaving,” I surprised myself when I reacted by instinct and leaned over the small table to hit the top of his head. The clutter of the cup hitting the tatami echoed, but I did not pay it any mind. “They are anything but shallow! How could you believe for even a second they would have left your side?” Seeing his eye widen in shock made me realize I had been louder than I had meant to be, and that maybe I had taken his words at heart. His situation could be compared to Rengoku’s, and if my lover had spoken those words to me, I would have reacted the same way I did right now.
“I am sorry for the outburst,” I whispered, sitting back on the pillow. “You have been through so much with them. So, even if insecurities are hard to reason with… you must realize how much they love you just from knowing they stood by your side even when you were the loudest man on earth, I would even say annoying,” I finished jokingly while still meaning every word. A change in his appearance would never erase all that they had been through together, I could only hope he would realize that.
He was looking outside while I spoke, and when I was done, he smiled sincerely, “I don’t need your speech, I am awesome, I know it,” He huffed, giving me a side look before adding, “But thank you, I am sure someone else would love to hear those words,” I knew full well who he meant, and I had planned on speaking them to him too, whether he needed to hear those words or not. If I was being honest with myself, fear was my first feeling upon seeing Kyojuro scarred, the second one was admiration and perhaps it added a charm to his bright face. A roguish look that I might become fond of without needing to put too much thought into it.
After this heartwarming talk Uzui and I had, he told me about what happened while I was away. How a lot of them almost died at the Red District, but also how they had defeated one of the Upper Ranks Six demons. From what he had told me, the fight was rough, but they had pulled through with little losses. The three young recruits that had been sent there while I was still here had pushed through and were now training with the Pillars. He briefly mentioned the fight at the Swordsmith Village, but since he was not there he only repeated what he had been told or what he had read in the reports he had been allowed to overview. He had not been able to see Rengoku’s report, but he had seen him come back, face and back bloody.
I felt sick hearing his storytelling, but kept a composed face. It was hard to fight the urge to run to Kyojuro and tell him all the things he wanted to hear, to hold him close and to reassure him. If I could, I would tell him to go back to bed and rest, I would even promise him I’d sing to him every day, every night, without ever stopping if that was what was needed to have him safe.
But I didn’t. I couldn’t. It would be selfish to do so, and he was doing great. At least, that was the façade he was showing. The truth is, I was not convinced he was alright, but Uzui’s words gave me hope that my lover was actually doing fine.
We talked for a long hour to catch up. It was enjoyable, even if we would usually bicker, we were adults and it felt great to be able to talk as such. What made us part ways was the grumble of my stomach after a while; it came with not joining the recruits for lunch.
I was told to go eat and rest, not only by Uzui but also by Sumi who had entered the tea room in case we needed anything. Dutifully, I followed their order and went to have a nice meal before going back to my room to unwind. It felt out of place reading and relaxing when people were training for a war. None had any will to take part in it, but as Gyomei said, one should not stop living in times of war.
So, relax I did.
I ended up daydreaming too many times on each page. My mind would drift off to the man I longed to embrace and caress, the one that was diligently working to improve the skills of the trainees only steps away from me. Oh, how I missed those warm days when I would practice in front of him, only to have him stand by me and touch me in innocent ways that would heat up my body in seconds.
With all the daydreaming I was doing, I decided to write my last report to focus my energy somewhere more useful before having a discussion with each of my recruits. I was able to do so since some had yet to go to sleep; those who did seemed to be sleeping peacefully from what I could see. Those who were still fully awake were talking together, trying to get their minds out of the dark thoughts that were plaguing them. They all welcomed me to their late-afternoon card games accompanied by deep conversations. It was relaxing somehow, even if we talked a little about what happened during our mission.
It all came to an end after a while when Kiyo slid open the door to the recruits’ dormitory and hurried to my side. Turning around to look at her with a confused expression on my face, she brought a hand to my ear, hiding her mouth as she whispered, “Rengoku is in his chambers, he is retiring for the night,” She stepped back, smiling happily. My face flushed rapidly, how did she know I was waiting for him to be alone to join him? Uzui was the obvious answer. Had he told the three girls to be on the lookout and to warn me as soon as he retired? Perhaps… If it was indeed the case, I could only be grateful.
I nodded, thanking her before excusing myself to the ones that had yet to fall asleep. Among them, Daisuke. He grinned broadly, “Have fun, Captain!” I threw him a dirty look that hopefully quenched his audacity, but it did nothing to help. The swordsman’s smile only widened before giving me a thumbs up. I shook my head with a scoff and a small smile before leaving.
Once I stepped outside the dormitory and made my way downstairs, I realized how quiet the estate was. It was one of those rare nights when we could hear the cicadas louder than anyone else around the place. Most of the lights were off, people had had their meal earlier than usual to go to sleep before the sun had even time to set. They were probably exhausted from training hard, and sleep must have hit them the moment their head hit the pillow, which was understandable from how intense the work they were doing was.
As I made my way around the estate, I was careful not to make a sound with my steps. I had left my getas down the stairs and had opted to walk about without them, only in my socks; it was safer if I did not want to awaken the sleeping beasts in the mansion. Some doors were open, which brought in fresh air inside, something very welcome after a long hot day. It was refreshing. Furthering my steps around, I noticed a light was still lit in Giyuu’s room. In all discretion, I went inside and blew it off. I had to hold back a chuckle when I saw he had the three most recent recruits in his room, poor thing, I thought. The demon girl that was also there was respectfully sleeping in her futon, the three others were all over one another. Only Giyuu was left far away, perhaps he knew how wild their sleep got and chose a safer spot.
I had to pause in my trek when the floor creaked under my steps. A moment passed before I could leave the room safely once I made sure they were all still asleep. The next stop was Rengoku’s room. As I approached his room, I hesitated for a moment to call it our room in my head, it did feel nice to call something ours. Huffing to myself, I looked ahead and saw the flickering of the light inside; it was a relief to see he was not asleep, it meant I could catch up with him.
Choosing not to knock, I stepped inside. To my surprise, he was not there. His haori was laying on the ground, but he was nowhere to be found. The worst scenario came to mind as I considered the idea that he had been taken; with heavier steps, I looked around only to see him sitting outside on the veranda. A sigh of relief left my lips; seeing him after so long made my heart soar and left me frozen on the spot for what felt like ages until I found the strength to step closer to him. Calling his name softly I had hoped he would turn around, but he was left unmoving.
It was surprising to be able to catch him off guard, but I jumped on the opportunity and made my way to him. I stepped down the small step separating the veranda and the grass to stand in front of Rengoku’s sleeping form. His arms were crossed, his usual determined frown had left his face, leaving him relaxed and soft-looking. Oh, I had missed him so much.
His eyepatch was on his lap, and by his side were some paper, a pen and ink. His dominant hand was covered in the latter, it was adorable to see and even funny, but I was not here to mock. I did not glance at what he had been writing, instead I pushed back the hair that was covering his face, leaning in and kissed his forehead, then his brow where the scar was crossing from a bit higher on his forehead down to his cheekbone. I felt him stir a bit in his sleep, his head moving on the beam on which it was resting as a frown drew itself on his face. Smiling, I leaned back and started humming a song I had sung to him many times, whether it had been in times of boredom or when he could not fall asleep. My goal was to wake him up subtly, calmly and without startling him.
That did not work out as I had thought.
Without even opening his eyes, Rengoku reached out for me. I stepped back in time to avoid his grip, then whispered his name hurriedly. This time, he woke up quickly and let his arm fall to his side when he realized it was me; his expression turned into one of surprise then into a look of sadness. Quickly, his eyes teared up, I rushed to his form and wrapped my arms strongly around him. “You are back already,” He breathed joyfully, his hand threading through my hair as he pulled me closer. “I am back,” I nodded, gripping his back tighter only to have him wince lightly.
I let go rapidly and tried to pull away to look at him, but he did not let go, “Give me more time, please, I need to hold you—come let’s sit!” Without ever letting go of me, he sat down then had me rest both of my knees on either side of him while he sat crossed-legged and wrapped his arms around my form. I held him just as tight, my arms around his head instead as I held him against my chest while my cheek was against his head. The angle was bad for my neck, but I did not care one bit. I could feel my heart thumping in my chest more strongly than it had ever been and warmth was spreading all through my body.
“Would it be alright if I did not let you go until the morning?” He mumbled against my chest. His words were inarticulate from how he was pressing himself against me. “I would really like that, but first I said I wanted to worship you… Right?” I whispered softly, kissing the side of his head before trying to cradle his beautiful face in my hands. He kept his face against it, not moving, his hands gripping the back of my kimono a bit tighter. “There was a reason it took me so long to reply to your letters, my love,” He was serious, but his tone was laced with sadness and uncertainty. A nervous laugh escaped his lips, then slowly, he pulled away, his face still looking down. “You’ve mentioned many times liking my eyes, and the way I looked at you and… I’m not sure you will feel the same now.”
As he looked up, he slowly opened his eyes, revealing a bright fiery orb on the left and a ghost-like colored one on the right. He was unsure, his eyes were deeply looking into mine for any sort of sign that I was going to leave or hated it. Instead, I pressed a deep kiss on his lips and grinned, “Why would I not like it? A wise man once told me that scars were battle medals-“ He chuckled, interrupting me, “Do you realize you had told that to me, first? You had said it made us unique,” He smiled beautifully, his stress slowly leaving. My eyes widened; he had remembered that? If I said that, why can I not heed my own words when it regards my own scars? I thought briefly, but then looked back at Kyojuro bashfully, “I was not wrong, but the wise handsomeman I am talking about also said…” I trailed off, my hands cradling his face as I kissed his cheek, then his cheek bone, then his eye-lid, the Pillar chuckled timidly at that but let me do as I wished.
“…that scars were beautiful and mesmerizing, like the stars adorning the night sky. And just like the night sky, I wish to look at you until I see a glimpse of the sun rising, or perhaps until one of us falls asleep. I wish to bask in the serenity you bring and never let my gaze strand away from how beautiful you are,” because I love you, I held back from saying so, but it grazed the tip of my tongue. Our eyes never left one another’s, and even as I stopped talking, he did not speak. He looked at me in a mix of awe, adoration and perhaps a part of him still hesitated and needed to be convinced. I could feel my cheeks heating up from how intense his gaze was but loved every second of his attention. It pushed me to talk with more boldness.
Leaning over, my lips hovered over his, what am I doing? Where does all this confidence come from? Were some of the many questions crowding my mind; I was glad my hands were on his cheeks, it stopped them from shaking. The thoughts of uncertainty in my head were not mirrored by actions as I breathed against his lips, “If I remember correctly, that same man had written in his letters that he would like to worship me respectfully.” I held back a moment, brushing my nose against his before planting a delicate kiss on his lips. He tried to return it, but I pulled away quickly, chuckling, “I would love to do as I promised, and worship you instead,” My tone was so low, I was not sure he could hear me, but from how his body tensed I assumed he did.
I let my hands slide down to his shoulders, my eyes never leaving his in case he felt like he did not want to continue. Slowly, my hands slipped inside his kimono and on his bare shoulders before lazily pulling the sleeves down as my hands slithered down his arms. “My love, I cannot express how much I wish for your hands on my body right now,” He started and grabbed my hands delicately, bringing them to his lips before placing a kiss on it, “But I wish to know you are good too, and if you’d allow me, I would like to strip you of your beautiful kimono and kiss-“ I had darted my gaze back to his exposed skin when the word ‘strip’ left his mouth.
He stopped soon after and lifted my chin for me to look at him, “Are you still not hearing my words? Do you not understand that my adoration will not stop the more unique you get, my love?” I replied with a weak ‘I understand’ but he was not convinced at all, “Look at me,” he said sternly. I smiled when he said so, there was nothing I wanted more in the world than to look at him, but I still felt like the gash on my back was not the most beautiful. But then again, I was sure that with time I could get over it, and that his sweet words could help me get that confidence faster.
“I am looking,” I said in a low tone. Looking was a good word, but gawking would have been more adequate. The more I looked at him, the more I was getting used to that slight change on his face, and I was liking it more and more. I had not intended to make him feel self-conscious by ogling, but I felt like I had done just that when he smiled timidly, “You are indeed, and so am I,” He chuckled as he leaned in and captured my lips tenderly. I was grateful he did not break the kiss fast, instead he brought his hands to my jaw and tried to bring me closer to deepen the kiss. It felt so right and so good, I mirrored his hunger with a bit too much passion and made him fall backwards.
I apologized so fast it made Rengoku laugh loudly as he let his head hit the ground, “It’s alright, I love the enthusiasm,” His eyes traveled from my face down to my body, then to my hands that were gripping his shoulders tight, “I would suggest you kiss me again to help the pain away, I am sure it would help,” Looking down at him in surprise, I felt my cheeks heat up again, but leaned over with a stupid smile to then kiss his shoulder instead of him. “There?” I asked playfully. “Or there, perhaps?” I asked again, this time kissing the junction of his neck and shoulder. “My love, you are playing a dangerous game, I would like to kiss your pretty lips,” He said with a reddening face, his hands traveling to my waist where he held me.
I left a trail of kisses from the side of his throat to his jaw to finally kiss him passionately on the lips where he grinned into the kiss, returning it just as happily. “Can I suggest something? For the two of us to do?” He asked, his eyes burning into mine with intensity. My body temperature suddenly rose, I looked at him with flaming cheeks and looked at his still bare chest from when I had slid the kimono off him. “Yes, but I cannot promise I can stay silent-“ He covered my mouth quickly as he sat up, his face burning bright while an embarrassed smile painted his lips, “That’s not—I am so flattered, dear, I truly crave your touch, but what I had in mind was slightly different, if not very,” He chuckled timidly.
With eyes wide, I pried his hand away from my mouth and stood up, “That is embarrassing, do not think of me as wanton-“ Holding my sleeve as he stood up, Rengoku kissed me softly, “Then I will take the blame, I have no shame in saying I want you.” As if in a rush, he let go of me and stepped inside, his hand held out to me as he said, “Stay there, I have a great idea, bear with me my love, simply,” He moved his arm up and down, gesturing at my form, “Stay right there—no, actually, come sit on the futon, yes, yes the futon!”
He was suddenly hectic. A very different mood from seconds ago when I thought we were about to finally be together in more ways than one. I humored him and knelt on the futon, my hands on my knees as I looked at him, pink scars covering almost all his back. I resisted the urge to stand up and kiss all of them, as hard as it was. The lion-like man was careful when taking something from the cabinet, his sleeves hanging on each side of him for he still hadn’t dressed back. “As a child, when Senjuro would get hurt, I would have him draw the shape of his wound on paper, then draw around it, or with it, to make something fun. It would always make him smile,” Kyojuro told me, his eyes drifting to nostalgia as he did so. I wanted to know more about his brother, and his family in general, but I hardly believe now was the time to ask more about it. He had something in mind, and I was curious to know what it was.
“If you are not convinced you are gorgeous, even with scars, then let’s make it a real work of art!” His words were accompanied by his placing of a painting palette on the ground. A glass filled with dirty water and a few brushes were put on the ground too with just as much care. He then looked at me determined, but his gaze was searching mine for any sort of unease, just like before when he had revealed his eye. This time, I was hesitant, “You are suggesting I paint my-“ “I am suggesting to paint your back, your scar, with something so beautiful you will see it the way I do! And if you would like it, you can do mine too,”
Looking at him for a moment, I considered. My eyes trailed to the paint, then the tools around it to finally look back at Rengoku. He was already tying his hair back to get it out of the way. Seeing how thrilled he seemed by the idea, I thought it would not hurt to try; it was also an excuse to have his hands on my body, which rendered the idea even more appealing. Those weeks apart had made me crave his touch so much I was desperate for it.
“I will do yours first, if you do not mind. It will give me time to get used to the idea,” I smiled while mentioning him to turn around. A broad smile displayed itself on his face when his cheeks flushed pink, “Thank you for indulging me, let me-“ leaning over, he held my face between his hands gently and kissed me tenderly once again. The love dripping from his action made my heart beat faster, I kissed him with the same fervor, perhaps too much as my tongue tried to pry open his mouth. He pulled back laughing shyly; his thumb brushed over my lips while his expression was one that confused me. He seemed very concerned and happy at the same time. He was even about to say something but held back. Seconds after, he said, “I missed you so dearly, please, don’t be scarce with your touch.”
A breathless laugh escaped my lips while I nodded, “The thought never crossed my mind, now turn around,” I chuckled. Rengoku seemed insistent on looking at me and resisted when I placed my hands on his shoulders to turn him around. I laughed at that, for I struggled greatly seeing how unmoving he was. “Kyo, can you please turn around,” “Then I can’t see you!” He complained playfully. Pointing at the full-length mirror in the corner of the room, the one that was turned to face the wall, I said, “Then we move there, would that be better?”
After his approval, we moved to the front of the mirror after turning it around to face us. The man sat with his back straight, his hands resting on his knees as he looked at me thanks to the mirror. I had not realized he was doing so until I was done with mixing some paints to have some dark brown and had brought the paintbrush to his back. When I did, I looked over his shoulder and could see him smiling broadly, to which I said, “Is there something on your mind?”
“The same thing has been on my mind for the past four weeks and I am more than glad that my thoughts have manifested themselves today,” He winked flirtatiously. Feeling my cheeks flush, I told him to lean a bit forward all while pushing his head gently. He rested his elbows on the ground, his chin in his hands. Before starting the painting, I could not stop myself from kissing his shoulders. It earned me a giggle and a soft-spoken “Don’t be shy, your lips are welcome all over my body,” I followed his words and peppered kisses all over his scarred back, making sure to kiss each individual one. When I was done, I could see his face had reddened greatly and he was still looking at me in the mirror, his eyes glimmering with joy.
When I brushed the first stroke of paint on his back, he tensed suddenly but not without making a high-pitch sound of surprise. “I am sorry, is it cold?” I asked worriedly, pausing with my free hand on his shoulder. Turning his head slightly, he pressed a kiss on my fingers and shook his head, “I am a bit ticklish; those brushes feel like feathers on the skin, I was caught off guard,” He explained before positioning himself like he was before. Humming, I resumed my painting. From the beautiful pattern on his back, I could see a big tree that started more on the left of his back before growing up to his shoulders, the branches reaching across his shoulder blades and one over his left shoulder.
A few minutes passed; I was focused on the art that was happening in front of me. It was also irritating me faintly that I could not touch him properly, I wanted to hug him and fall asleep in his arms and as enjoyable and intimate this was, I wanted more. I needed to think of something, that’s why I asked out loud, surprisingly at the same time as the Pillar, “Should we start thinking of a name for our four-legged friend?” was what I said, Rengoku however was on a different note, “I am sorry for not talking, you are just so beautiful-“ He apologized for speaking at the same time as I did, so did I. Both of us laughed nervously. With a short gesture, he told me to go on, but I had heard his words, so I teased.
“Uzui told me my letters lifted your spirits,” I started, his face flashing in surprise then embarrassment, “Tell me, which part made you the gladdest?” Don’t start, I told myself. You cannot be this touch-starved to start something in the midst of an innocent painting, I scolded myself internally. I had finished the trunk of the tree, and was now mixing the colours to create a pink shade. Was I confident in my cherry tree leaves making? Not entirely. But I was going to give it my all. “Thinking of retiring with you!” He said a bit louder than he had spoken the entire time we were together. A disappointed “Oh,” escaped my lips without even going through the thinking phase. I quickly looked up to tell him it was nice, to add I was not disappointed, but when I saw his look in the mirror it had darkened. It was not as joyful as usual.
It was not sad either, but the smirk on his lips definitely helped me gauge the emotion portrayed on his face. “My love, are you disappointed?” His hand slowly reached behind to touch my knee. His fingers deftly helped the hem of my kimono out of the way to finally touch my bare skin. I had since stopped painting and was now staring right at him in the mirror. A huge innocent grin made its way to Kyojuro’s lips, “Would you rather I had said the idea of feeling your body against mine once again was what fueled me to get up, in more than one way, in the morning?” The brush was thrown on the wooden plank where the paint was as I leaned my head over his shoulder and slithered my arm to the opposite shoulder to cover his mouth.
I rested my chin against his collarbone and breathed out nervously, I felt him smile behind my hand. “Why are you being naughty now of all times?” I asked, my voice barely above a whisper. Prying my hand from his mouth, the beautiful man pressed a kiss in the palm of my hand, “Because you have started it, I am only now joining in on the fun,” He then gave me an innocent look, the one he would usually have, as if he was not trying to rile me up, “I will stop if you ask me,” “I am not—I have not said that.” With the tip of his index and thumb, Rengoku lifted my chin and kissed me softly. The angle was not the best for such actions, but I melted into it without hesitation. “Very well, I am glad to hear it. Do not stop painting my love, I am impatient to see the final product!” He grinned enthusiastically.
Getting myself together, I leaned back and realized I had paint over some parts of my Kimono, “I dirtied my kimono because of that, I will blame it on you,” I said playfully, earning myself a loud laugh from the Fire Pillar as he added, in that same tone, one that is almost carefree, “Do not worry, we will dirty it even more,” He threw me a soft smile mixed with something I rarely saw on his face, arrogance? Pride? He added, “That is… if you’ll allow me, of course,” Bringing the back of my hand to my forehead, while still holding the brush between my fingers, I wiped the non-existent sweat, then resumed painting.
“My dear, if you keep that up, you might regret it,” I trailed off, my eyes staring right at his for a mere instant before focusing on his back once again. The pink was beautiful adorning the top half of his skin, up to his shoulders and even a bit on his bicep. I thought to myself it did not look as bad as it could have looked, after all I had no experience in skin-painting, nor painting at all. I was no artist, only a fighter. Broadening his smile, he moved his elbow to rest it on his knee. He was still sitting tailor-style which made him look so good when he rested his cheek on his knuckles. The teasing expression adorning his features drew me in, even more after he spoke, “Regret? You are more than welcome to use me, if that is what you so desire. Your gaze has been more open than your words, for the former has the honesty the latter lacks,” I was about to tell him off when he said, “My apology, I meant that I can read the lust in your eyes, even if your words are reprimanding me for being… wanton, as you would describe it,”
While I smiled to myself upon hearing his words, I could still feel the warmth in my cheeks. The embarrassment was strong, but I still teased back, “You are the first thought in my cloudy mind when I wake up,” I quoted his words from the letters as I put the paintbrush in the water, the look on his face was such a sight I could not help but lean over his shoulder and kiss his jaw. “My heart and body long for you and your…” Looking at him in the reflection, I delicately let my hand wander down his stomach. My heart was speeding up and I could see his eyes looking down at my hands, curious, wondering if I would dare do it. “...Touch” I then undid the knot of his kimono to feel him more, to have one of us act the words shared through those letters when his hand stopped me at such a speed I gasped silently.
A tight smile was on his lips. I loved seeing him like that, not fully out of control but trying hard to resist the inevitable; to resist the pull that was happening between us. Our long separation had only strengthened that need for intimacy, that need to be close, skin against skin, legs intertwined, breath mixing, and warmth shared under the blanket. “I have yet to paint your beautiful body, my love, will you be good and behave until I am done?” He asked with such a sultry look I was tempted to tell him there was no need to paint me, but he wanted to do it. So, I smiled stupidly, “You say behave as if I was a wild animal,” I chuckled, gesturing for him to turn around to look at the final product. He slowly did, while I focused my gaze on the reflection behind him.
He did not even glance at his back, instead he leaned over and kissed my neck softly while whispering, “Your wild, adventurous hands that needed to be caught to be stopped from going on a rampage, tell me otherwise,” I leaned my head the opposite side of his head to give him better access before even assimilating his words. His hair was tickling my throat as he trailed kisses higher on my skin, I gasped a laugh when his lips brushed over my ear then breathed, “Can you blame me? You have an addictive personality, and an even more addictive touch.” His chuckle was right next to my ear, I wanted to hear more of him. With his breath in addition, I felt a shiver run down my spine and looked at the door in case someone came in.
“And I am obsessed with your voice, but I have not made you moan yet, have I?” He huffed another laugh before kissing my cheek and leaning back. I was aware my gaze was flicking between his gorgeous eyes then his hands, many times. Before looking over his shoulder and into the mirror, Kyojuro looked me up and down, a proud smile on his beautiful lips, “Flustered, gaze askance and scared of being caught… Exactly how I had imagined it.” This effectively brought my eyes back to his in the mirror, this time with a pleasantly surprised smile, “Those letters of yours, they made me realize you had a way with words,” I started. He smiled, his beautiful eyes not leaving mine yet, “It made me wonder two things.”
Humming, he told me to go on all while gesturing for me to sit in front of him to start painting. My cheeks warmed up again at the thought of undressing in front of him. My fingers danced on the knot around my stomach while I spoke, “The first one being, if you have such a way with words, how come I have never received a poem?” I said playfully. It made Rengoku panic, his paintbrush falling from his hands as he looked at me with wide eyes. I quickly spoke before he could, “I am teasing. I was only wondering one thing, I would never be entitled enough to ask for a poem,” I said off-handedly.
This made his face burn bright red as he looked at me intently, “I have written many poems!” He said loudly, smiling. That smile turned more timid when he said, “About the one that is always on my mind, the one that makes my heart sing louder than cicadas in the summer. The one that keeps surprising me, no matter the amount of time spent together; I keep getting caught off guard by the words escaping from that someone’s mouth…” He said gently, his tone slowly turning deeper, more sultry. I felt like a comedian on stage, everything was pointing at me, I had all his attention, and I could not run. When he uttered the last word, his face was over my shoulder and he was smiling genuinely at me, “That someone is you, if you had not understood.”
“I had, I… am flattered. Maybe I will write you a song-“ Feeling like a great idea had struck me, I turned to look at him quickly, bumping our noses together. Both of us laughed as he put a bit of distance between us, “I could put a tune to your words, I could sing them—perhaps write words of my own to have you properly flattered,” I chuckled. A sound of surprise caught in my throat when Rengoku kissed me passionately, stopping my sudden rant and calming my burst of enthusiasm. When our lips parted, he stared at me lovingly, “I love this idea, I love it very much.” I giggled nervously, feeling stupid for doing so but did not add anything else. After a moment passed, he turned my head towards the mirror and gestured at my kimono as he said, “Now, what were you wondering upon reading my letters?”
I scoffed, my fingers dancing on the knot of my kimono, “I would hate to ruin the sweet mood that has been set, maybe I shouldn’t-“ Kyojuro wrapped his arms around my waist and pried my hands away from the knot I was not undoing to do so himself, all while talking and looking at me in the mirror, “Do not play a prude when your hand was between my legs minutes ago, my love,” He said softly. The tone was not depicting the actual insinuation of his words, which made it even more attractive that it was just from being spoken by him. He kissed my cheek again, pulling the knot away from my form, “Go tell me, share your obscene thoughts with me! Who knows, I might just share them,” He winked.
I tensed when I felt his nails scratch the back of my neck slightly as he held the collar of my attire. He paused, hesitant but not talking yet. I gently pushed his hands away and took a deep breath; as I let it out, I dropped my kimono off my form and said, with a fleeting gaze, “I wondered if that well-spoken man would keep his manners in bed, if your way with words would remain if you felt good.” I kept my back straight, hoping that if I did so, I wouldn’t shy away from his gaze. My confidence was a lie; even if I kept my head high and I had changed the topic, I knew full well that a seed of insecurity was germinating in the corner of my mind.
My whole body stiffened when I felt the warmth of skin on my scar. I did not pull away, but even if I tried, hands were holding my waist. It made my escape impossible. “Did you know that not one tiger has the same stripes as the other? It is a way to identify them, but also shows how unique they are.” It was slightly helpful and funny, I did not move and listened to him as he traced his finger over the length of my scar, from the side of my hip to the middle of my back. Mumbling to himself, he said he would try again, and try he did. “Perfection is like beauty, everyone has their own criteria they wish to meet, for themselves or for others,” This time I could feel the brush on my skin and shivered, my hair rising on my arms and neck.
“Now, you cannot force anyone to meet the criteria you like or wish for, that would be hard, yes,” He paused, dipping the brush again, his eyes focused on my back, “What you can do, is look at yourself, and see what makes you unique, what defines you, what are your more prominent traits—you make all of those yours, you embrace the traits you like and work on those you don’t,” His gaze met mine in the reflection, with a sweet smile he kissed the back of my head and added, “And what you have to do, is trust your body, love your body, it has gotten you through so much that it deserves all the love and worth in the world. Give your beautiful self worth.” I could hear him smile, his face was behind mine as he leaned over my back to paint details.
“Because knowing you are worth it, you will understand that you are your own perfect, and that perfection is a state of mind.” There was a long pause as I took in his words, while I still felt exposed being uncovered on my top half; while it was something I had never done around him, I still felt comfortable. At least more comfortable than before. A question set on the tip of my tongue; I was hesitant to ask it. “I am sorry if I stepped over some boundaries, we can go back to your question-“ “Do you like it?” His eyes widened. He paused his strokes and looked over my shoulder, confusion adorning his oh so beautiful face. “The topic of before-“ “The scar, do you like it? I will not see it much; I can ignore it, but…” I trailed off, not knowing what I wanted to say more.
Suddenly, kisses were planted on my back, all over it, first on the side of my scar, then on my shoulder blades, to finally reach the top of my shoulders, “I absolutely do! What could be more attractive than knowing how strong you are? And willed, determined! You are so beautiful-“ He looked up, a big smile on his face. I had to hold back a laugh when I saw the green paint on his lips. He had kissed paint that had not dried yet but did not seem to care one bit. “You are my perfect,” He said softly, wiping the paint from his lips with a cute smile.
My throat tightened; emotions were getting the best of me at his kind words. Laughing nervously, I looked down and wrapped my kimono back around me loosely. A gentle tug on my hand made me look over my shoulder then fully turn to face Kyojuro. His face was hesitant at first, but he beamed at me then reached for both of my hands instead, his thumbs brushing over the back of them, “I am going to be selfish—will you bear with me?” Knots tied in my chest, it felt heavy suddenly, but I nodded, my joyous attitude dropping from his words. “I know we do not know the outcome of this final fight; I know that. I am an optimist, I believe in all of us, but anything can happen—that’s why, that’s why I-“ He took a deep breath, bringing my hands to his forehead as he sniffled. His voice cracked as he expressed himself; it broke my heart. Was he going to put an end to this dream-like partnership?
I never let go of his hands, instead I tightened them around his. There was nothing else I could do until he was done laying his heart bare. I was fighting hard the tears that were threatening to fall. What about our future plans? What about retiring? What about our dog? Was this all play pretend? Was I hopeful for nothing?
He brought my hands back to his lips and kissed the tip of my fingers,
“I know it’s selfish to lay it out like that, I know… But I love you, I love you so much. I want you to know it, and that is what is selfish about me. You told me once that I could be selfish, that selfishness was good sometimes,” He brought each of my hand on each of his cheeks, placing his on top to press them closer, “I need you by my side forever, I wish to hold you every night, to hear your voice when I wake up and when I go to sleep,” a kiss was placed on my palms, he then let go of my hands but I kept them there, holding him closer.
He leaned in, eyes teary with a stupid smile on his handsome face, “… to see you trip on the tatami, to have your hands in my hair and to eat the best food with you,” I laughed through my silent tears, a smile matching his adorning my lips, “To love you is all I want,” He whispered before kissing me tenderly. The stress I had put on myself thinking he was going to leave me left through laughs in the kiss, our teeth clashing from time to time but happily so as I pushed him back on his futon. “I love you too, you are my perfect, my safe haven, my home,” I punctuated everything by a kiss on his lips, his arms wrapped around my waist to keep me close.
“I will not let you go, no matter what happens next,” To emphasize my words, I wrapped my arms around his neck, it made him laugh as he rolled us around so that we were both on our side on the ground, looking at one another, “Neither will I, I will find you no matter what,” he pressed a soft kiss on my forehead, then stared at me lovingly.
I could feel my eyelids drooping, I was exhausted from today and crying did not help, “Kyo… I truly love you… But I also think you have put paint all over your futon,” I mumbled tiredly. He chuckled with the same tiredness and brought me closer to his chest, humming, “That is too bad, I am not moving,”
“Is it a problem for our future selves?” I asked playfully.
“Absolutely, it’s their mess, after all,” He mumbled, his lips against my hair.
With my final functional thought, I asked, “If you heard my words about selfishness… Would it mean you were not asleep?” I remembered mentioning it when brushing his hair and even though saying so was out of place, relief flooded over me when I had seen he had fallen asleep. If he had heard me, it meant he had not actually been sleeping.
“I don’t regret faking it, I was able to feel your sweet kiss, a shame I couldn’t return it,” He said tiredly, his words mumbled and inarticulate. It was enough for me to understand and lean in to press a lazy kiss on his lips, “It is never too late,” a breathless laugh escaped his lips as he returned it slowly, sleepily.
We then slowly fell asleep to one another’s reassuring heartbeats, basking in the serenity of today and not thinking of any tomorrows.
[Part 8]
#demon slayer#rengoku#rengoku x reader#demon slayer x reader#kny x reader#kny#kimetsu no yaiba#kny rengoku x reader#gentle summer#physicalturian#writing#writer#ao3#ao3 writer#fanfic
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What’s your opinion for Leo’s reaction to finding out the mc was immortal as well- not necessarily a vampire, maybe they’re some other type of supernatural. I’m really curious because Leo seems like he’s mainly in love with the mc bec they are human.
Hi lovely!!! Always wonderful to see you, hope you’re well! 💛💛💛💛💛
Tbh I think my opinion remains the same about something like this? I'm going to link to an ask I wrote up a while ago, only because it's v pertinent to the subject matter and good background for what I’m going to expand on here.
That being said, I'm happy to kind of tl;dr/expand on what I talked about there. Basically I had the feeling that Leonardo choosing MC as a lover was more circumstantial--regarding the state of his life in the moment, regarding his general feelings about vampires and vampire society, and regarding his unresolved trauma as a young kid.
I guess my answer to that question--and forgive me if it seems like a cop out--is that it really depends, I feel? I think his attraction has a lot more to do with the kind of person somebody is, their sensibility, more than it has to do with mortal vs immortal. If it was an immortal MC that showed ridiculous fortitude and self-control, measured patience and maturity, I really don’t see him not noticing that? I think he would be wary at first (assuming it’s all a front) but with time would likely feel a great deal of love if they were interested in a life together. If they were able to see and understand what he needs and answered those needs, I guess I just really doubt his ability to say no. It’s all he’s really looking for, and the fact that he hasn’t found it after so long really speaks to his frightened evasiveness and the rare nature of that kind of unshakeable strength.
I also think a lot of his hinging away from purebloods (true immortals, in other words) is that he 100% does not want his familia having any involvement in his meaningful relationships. Which might be why he shows more acceptance towards turned vampires, or potentially different supernatural beings.
But I also don’t like giving a vague answer without some kind of explanation as to how I got, to that conclusion, so a boatload of analysis follows below the content warning.
Spoilers for Leonardo’s route and a few mentions of JPN ver content:
I think he has less of an obsession with the idea of mortality, and more like a constant association of goodness and freedom and maturity with humanity. And while it's understandable, there are signs that--when he has the proper time and space to heal--his views seem to soften from those extremes. I mean his decision to live with Comte is pretty much his first step in that direction; it was him acknowledging for the first time that vampires aren't inherently loathsome or incapable of normal living. (On a revealing note, I think it says a lot that he agrees with MC that she is living in a “wolves’ den” but also feels the need to clarify the men are basically the domesticated equivalent. They don’t pose the same threat other vampires typically do to humans because of their lifestyle and sire.) Additionally, his tsun-like behavior towards Comte also seems to solidify this concept for me: Leonardo’s trying to come to terms with something he's sworn to reject since he was young, but also can't entirely deny that Comte is as chill and mature as purebloods come lmao
[There was also an event in the JPN ver–which seems to be approaching the ENG version rapidly, though only the first part is here right now–in which Leonardo fully offers to turn her. MC is essentially on her death bed, and Leonardo doesn’t want to lose her after so little time together; it’s MC that rejects the future as a vampire out of sheer principle. Even more noteworthy is that, when a reincarnation of MC is reunited with Leonardo in modern times, he is revealed to be exceptionally shaken by that loss. There are suggestions he can’t take losing her again, which could mean succumbing to the desire to bite her.]
Two things I feel are necessary to hit home:
The first being that, at least within the storyline so far, the most mature and human-like vampires we’ve seen are Leonardo and Comte. They seek to emulate the maturity they see reflected in the human beings they’ve known all their lives. Given how vampire society and their hierarchies work, I get the feeling humans are nothing more than amusing tools to them--a way to survive and creatures to exercise control over. There’s an objectification and delusion that comes with what I’ve seen, and I think it’s important in this discussion? If the vast majority of vampires behave this way (because I’m ngl, Leonardo and Comte don’t seem very keen on remaining in touch with other vampires all that much) then it only makes sense they prefer the company of humans who can at least share this sensibility of “been there, done that--stop hurting people bc you’re bored/repressed, grow up.”
One event story where this was exceedingly evident was actually Leonardo’s proposal story. If y’all remember, an old pal/acquaintance of Leonardo’s finds out he’s gunning for a human woman and basically goes “lmao not on my watch.” His name was Adam iirc, and he felt he had every liberty to try and pressure Leonardo into turning MC. Failing that, he insisted they should break up and not be together anymore. Now, on the one hand, it’s fair to say that he was looking out for Leonardo in a way–he didn’t want him to end up miserable and alone when she was gone. But at the same time I feel that Adam’s behavior is deeply revealing of vampire society as well lmao. He doesn’t really try to understand the situation, just immediately assumes it’s the only appropriate outcome. It does insinuate a lowkey cultural disdain for humanity: they are imperfect, they do not last or cannot have real value without preservation. If Adam was really Leonardo’s friend, wouldn’t he realize that Leonardo considers vampirism nothing more than a burden that he would wish on no one, much less his future wife? Additionally, wouldn’t he also keep in mind that Leonardo considers human beings beautiful just as they are? Since he fails these basic requirements to understand Leonardo, my impression is that he is influenced by the larger vampire culture to some extent. Furthermore, it underscores just how thoroughly Leonardo has been trained to keep his cards close to his chest for fear of ridicule/violent reprisal: no vampires know his true feelings on the matter because he would be vehemently rejected outright.
[One can also offer that maybe Adam wasn’t being malicious, maybe vampires find human women they fall in love with all the time and turn them (or any other permutation of companionship that occurs), so he doesn’t understand why Leonardo wouldn’t. But even then, to try to force them to break up if she doesn’t turn? A bit overkill imo but also revealing--Leonardo’s will is being ignored for the sake of upholding a kind of ill-founded superiority complex lmao]
While Leonardo does have a somewhat overbearing need to control the pacing of his relationship and who sacrifices what, I don’t think it’s wrong to be cautious--to want to think things through. I think it’s fair to be afraid that the person you’re with can’t handle what you’ve seen/known. But that also leads me to a core issue I have with MC: she doesn’t inspire much confidence that she can handle the life he’s lived, and that’s a problem of both incapacity and incompatibility. I have to wonder how he reacts when he’s with somebody at the same maturity level, or at the very least somebody with whom he can see her strength with time. When MC’s life was dying out he was desperate enough to accept biting her because he didn’t want to lose her–human or not. It’s MC that rejects this solution, which leads me to further believe that he just doesn’t care about the divide when it comes down to it; it has more to do with his difficulty with being vulnerable and fully trusting someone to care about him. (Assuming they also have the fortitude to stay hopeful and relatively strong over the course of a very long life.)
In line with that, the second thing I think it’s important to acknowledge is how deeply hurt Leonardo is as a result of his family treating him like a fool/black sheep. He outright says and heavily insinuates that his family would write her off as worthless, that they’d never accept her--that's his first thought:
Leonardo: “My familia would call you frail. I think you’re strong and beautiful. You do more with your time than we try to do with ours.”
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MC: “And those letters were from your familia?”
Leonardo: “Yeah. I don’t talk to them or see them anymore. We don’t agree...on a lot of things.”
[Brief intermission here. But lmao. Who does that sound like? If any of you guessed Isaac, that’s exactly what I’m alluding to. Isaac says in his own route smth along the lines of “Why bother trying to get through to people when no amount of talking does any good or gets you any closer to being understood?” Which also explains the way they get along to uncanny degrees: they find comfort in making things/researching because it means being able to avoid the distress that comes with being blatantly misunderstood by others. Their pain simply comes in different dimensions; for Leo it’s about loss and hiding who he is out of fear of rejection, for Isaac it’s about betrayal and people turning on him--ultimately abandonment for both. But I digress, back to the main argument.]
Leonardo: “Once they discovered my location, they began hounding me with letters again. They don’t want me to be with just anyone...They want more purebloods. I’m no more than one half of an equation for them.”
There is a clear implication that his desire to choose somebody that truly makes him happy means jack shit to them. They keep talking over him and trying to wear him down to force him into what they want. It’s no wonder--imo--that he has such a hard time just saying what he wants in his life, to feel like he has the freedom to wish and pursue anything freely. It’s no wonder he just expects MC to spit on everything that’s important to him. It appears as though only other human beings in general and Comte have ever come close to understanding him.
At some point MC realizes that his insistence on being compagni provvisori was originally just another act of sacrifice, and that he was fine with giving up his time and a little privacy if it meant she would be safe. The thing she doesn’t seem to realize in the course of this--and he struggles to say it until later on--is that it stopped being blind generosity. He really did start to fall in love with her, and that’s the whole reason things became even more messy; because he didn’t anticipate not being able to let go on top of the vulnerability. And it’s a big part of why he’s hesitating to speak. He feels he has no right to those feelings, and that he’s imposing on her--not that he’ll be welcome.
And when she did finally admit those feelings were welcome, it was compounded by the parroted views of his family and larger vampire society as a whole. Saying that she herself wasn’t enough, that she had to become a vampire to make him happy. Imo that sounds very potentially retraumatizing given his experiences (people trying to force him into marriages with other vampires who didn’t remotely understand or care about him because it was “the right way of things”). It’s no wonder he freaks out and does something incredibly stupid and insensitive–which is pretty insanely ooc for him.
Leonardo: “...It shocked them. Quieted them down a bit. Hard to get peace when your familia is immortal. Grazie, cara mia.”
Leonardo: “You’re strong, and you’re kind. So probably you won’t cry while I’m here to see it. But when I’m not looking, you’ll cry. If I had done that to you (bitten her, in other words), you’d still be crying when I wasn’t watching... Maybe it’s selfish of me, after what I did, but I just wanted to make you happy. You always look pretty, cara mia, but your smile takes my breath away...It’s not your destiny to love someone who will only make you cry.”
This man literally cannot handle anyone deeply sad or in despair. He’s always going to try to cheer people up and care about them, but general tragedy/emotional discord affects him very powerfully--and it’s likely a reflection of what I’ve mentioned before. He can’t bear to see people feeling helpless or miserable because he’s just been there too many times to be able to cope. He wants to help and heal (even if he’s suffering from prolonged compassion fatigue), but he knows that his powers are limited--even if he is a pureblood.
And the thing is? While it’s misguided to believe she would cry alone when it comes to the context of healthy romantic love (bc the idea would be that you lean on each other when something upsetting happens) he has zero reference point. He was not born as a result of authentic love (his parents never married, he was the result of a procreative arrangement), his family talks over every wish and belief he has and they still claim it’s done out of love/honest concern for him. One can only imagine the serpentine and obnoxious lengths to which his family has deceived or tried to force him into reconnecting with them. Every person that ever did know him/care about him in a real way is gone. Love, for him, has only been a series of losses that left his heart hollowed out; I don’t really blame him for expecting further disappointment and isolation and exhaustion.
He’s also not wrong in the sense that he partially saw MC do what he outlined, and it’s a big part about what he loves about her. When she was feeling alone and lost–powerless–all she did was shrug and move forward. That doesn’t make it hurt any less, but focusing on what you can do instead of what you can’t do is healthier. And they both have the tendency to hide when they’re in pain or feeling lost, all because they don’t want to trouble anyone. Remember that when he says this, it’s a reflection of himself too: because even if he was heartbroken beyond measure, all he would do is hide it every second; he would never expect anyone to see right through him or care.
I mean I tend think of that one post I saw that talked about how people often see themselves as a social burden when most of their life has just been a series of neglect and loss. They don’t really have a concept of “you’re not heavy because I want to stay with you. It’s my choice to care about you.” How do you feel worthwhile an existence when four hundred years later your family still won’t treat you with basic dignity. The men in the mansion also all look to him for guidance and soothing because of the kind of person he is–he’s either silent in the periphery or helping. He never betrays so much as an inkling of insecurity or distress.
I mean the whole reason Leonardo comes to the mansion is because he has absolutely no issue helping Comte in a pivotal time of need without seeking much of anything in return. Remember that Comte explains how Leonardo came to the mansion in response to Comte’s distress about the future. This makes sense considering Comte was rapidly trying to stop Vlad by beating him to the punch, and had only enough time to plan the basics. He had no certainty things would work out, much less that his boys would thrive. But Comte, unlike the boys, has become acutely aware of how much Leonardo is hiding his fatigue and despair in the course of being helped. As such, he wants to return the favor--and tries to be a good friend to him as much as he can (handles his insane familia, keeps things light and silly time between them, takes him seriously as a person, doesn’t pry beyond what’s fair.)
[I also think of that psychology concept of “the good enough mother.” It’s not always about being perfect every second of your life. It’s about paying attention and acting where it really counts. I feel like people who grow up under an enormous burden of neglect or parental/mentor abuse have a hard time coming to terms with the idea. This notion that just trying is enough for a lot of people, that showing them they’re not alone is enough to make difficult memories bearable. Because it’s the oppressive silence and apathy that tends to kills people, imo--not people who mean well. But Leonardo doesn’t really understand any kind of reciprocal or non-self-emptying model because the concept is beyond him. He has no experience with it beyond Comte and a select few humans he’s befriended.]
Let’s continue on this point of MC crying where he can’t see her, shall we? The reason this scares him so much is not because he doesn’t care, or doesn’t want to make the effort. It’s precisely that he cares to the point of madness. It’s that he is legitimately convinced nothing he has to say, nothing that he can do, no part of him is enough to ease what she will have to trade away to stay with him. The core issue is not one of disregard or objectification, I find it to be more about his belief that he just isn’t enough. He doesn’t trust that anyone can love him to the point where just the sight of him or time with him can heal. And while there is a foolishness to this belief, it’s understandable when you consider where he’s coming from. You can call it selfishness, but it just feels involuntary--he has a lot of fear when it comes to love.
I mean Comte even says it himself? His words here always strike me: “I want you to understand, it’s because he cherishes you just as you are--more than he cares about his future or his well-being.”
Comte is openly identifying the way that Leonardo has a tendency to give more than is healthy. That Leonardo isn’t hesitating because his feelings are lacking, he’s doing it because he knows it’s going to hurt like a bitch trying to love her and never ask beyond what feels reasonable. (Spoilers: no request is reasonable. That’s the problem here. He’s convinced he deserves nothing.) Therefore turning her into a vampire to stay with him is--consequently, to Leonardo--out of the question. This is the literal hingepoint at which Comte and Leonardo divide; Comte simply tells MC he’ll take full responsibility for asking so much of her. He intends to make her happy with every single resource and skill he has at his disposal. Even if he doubts his ability or fears losing her to vampire rhetoric madness, he’d rather try than live with the regret and immediate loss. Leonardo is more resistant because of his dour outlook, that her fear of immortality is never going to be something that either of them can overcome. And/or he’s likely afraid she’s only going to regret being together after so long, and might succumb to the ridiculous sort of power/greed complexes vampires seem so attracted to by nature.
I think Leonardo is still coming to terms with the idea that he isn't alone in the world in a lot of ways, and I think he's also coming to terms with the idea that immortality does not equate to evil. Sure, human beings on average are probably more open to flexible modes of thinking and living compared to vampires--their maturity is in some ways guaranteed due to the instances they're forced to adapt to survive. However, just one look at the ruling class and oligarchies of all kinds (even just stubborn human beings) reveals how they are not immune to the same sort of megalomania, arrogance, and thoughtless violence purebloods/vampires are capable of.
So I guess I hesitate when it comes to the thought that he only loves her because she's human. If anything, I think he loves her for the fact that she's very rooted in reality--not quite so bound by the extremes that trouble him. It's one of the many reasons I believe Leonardo needs a lot of maturity and patience; the ability to differentiate between his panicked/overwhelmed/hurt reactions versus his calm is a skill in and of itself considering his capacity for concealment. To say nothing of getting him to slow down when this happens, too.
I suppose I think about it in a way that’s similar to how Napoleon’s main story narrative is framed. While Leonardo’s route doesn’t focus on the grandeur of being a former emperor, there is a clear insinuation here that he also craves normalcy? Just a little life, with a person he loves dearly, where he can rest and be himself for once. I think because he gives off such an appearance of steadiness, people fail to see that he is barely holding on--not to mention the kind of experiences he’s been deprived of (the exact security and understanding he so expertly emulates).
Closer to your question, it’s worth mentioning that Leonardo’s life goal for a while was the creation of an immortal human being--in that he fully recognized human beings could not offer what he needed as they were.
He loves humans because of their adaptability, their frequent desire to keep seeking out hope and making the best of the broken pieces they have. But then again, it has more to do with the nature of how frequently that sensibility occurs in humans vs vampires (and immortality in general): mortality does demand some level of necessity to change and grow. Which is one of the largest trauma points for him; the vampires around him just refused to grow up, always demanding at him like children and obsessed with their power complexes.
Thing is I also don't know enough about vampire society to know how correct this perceived ratio is. However, given Comte's similar avoidance of other vampires and general inability to live with them (he and Vlad were literal childhood best friends and Comte can't stand him anymore lmao) I think Leonardo may have more validity here than people give him credit for. Which begs the question--why did he quit trying to make a human immortal? What was it that stopped him? Was it the horror of what needed to be done to achieve it? Or would a potential companion start to fall more in love with the idea of immortality than they do with life itself/him? I think it’s a worthwhile question to ask, given the disdain he seems to aim at Shakespeare in particular--once human, but now emulates all of the violence and insatiability marked by vampirism.
This is where the transition from human to vampire/immortal contains another hingepoint: is Leonardo so incapable of finding a middle ground because he feels like any choice he makes will be a wrong one? Marry a human, deprive them of a normal love where they can grow old together. Marry a human and turn them, what if they are reborn with immortal wounds/psychological harm? What if time proves they get bored of him or hateful, what if they begin to act like the predatory purebloods he hates so much? Marry a pureblood/immortal, and be hounded by his family for heirs--risk being with somebody who will never love him or their children, and only inspire more misery in the world.
Does it make sense how this can really start to become an anxious downspiral for someone like him? How the personal insecurity and life history comes together to just compound stress endlessly?
That's the thing that's important here, I think. Leonardo just needs somebody who is open-minded, firm, and not easily deceived. If one takes a look at Leonardo's main story route, the whole reason everything goes to shit so disastrously is because MC stops listening at a critical point. Granted Leonardo could have been more forthcoming for sure, but when she started assuming Shakespeare was right instead of seeing how Leonardo was feeling/reacting, she responded in ways Leonardo wasn't prepared for. He never wanted to shake her faith or insinuate whatever she is is not good enough for him, and tbh I think Leonardo downspiraled because it was just the same thing all over again. What he is--a vampire and immortal--keeps ruining everything he wants with his life.
#asks#ikevamp#ikemen vampire#ikevamp meta#ikevamp leonardo#ikevamp leo#ikevamp saint germain#ikevamp comte#can you tell i think too hard about these things kjhdglshf#sorry this reply took me a little longer than i meant to--but i really did want to do the topic proper justice!!#leonardo is such a dear person to me and I can't help but sympathize#people are free to disagree with this but it's just how i feel about the topic#the more i see about him in event stories--the sense this his trembling heart is slowly easing--the less i can believe such things matter#to him all that much tbh#i also think the event where he loses her is just all the more telling too?#i feel like if it really was a matter of principle and not love he would have just accepted it#humans have a v short lifespan--what can be done#sort of reaction#but that's not how he reacted at all: he was a man beside himself with dread and sadness#and even when he meets her reincarnation he can't help but want to be with her again#iirc he starts shaking at the slightest mention of when she died--and shows a lot less ability to resist the urge to turn her#so anywho brief summation is that i think this is more about so many sad boy hours and fear of widespread immortal megalomania#than it is abt hatred for immortality#he has no confidence good things can last without being warped--and that's the key issue here#'nothing gold can stay'#long post#rambles#not incorrect quotes#if you manage to read this without falling asleep i applaud you ajkhldghkfjsdg#thanks for the ask tho--i love any excuse to yell abt leo <333
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Okay, so I have a Theory for what will happen in the Finale, but it comes with a very long rant about my reasoning for said theory, so I’ll put it under the cut. Basically, I just got excited and wanted to talk with someone about what I think will happen and have turned to the internet to share my thoughts. Warning for spoilers from Working Through Intrusive Thoughts bellow.
Before I can get to what I think will happen, I need to explain the context of my thinking. Currently, we have Logan feeling ignored, Roman feeling lost, Virgil feeling defensive, Patton feeling confused, Remus just being his dramatic gremlin self, and Janus is in his element.
Logan himself said to Remus “It’s not every day Thomas... is interested in... carrying out this sort of thing.” Showing that today was important to Logan and spoiled by 1) Remus’s interfering, and 2) Thomas going out with Nico. Not to mention he lost his cool for a second and now we’ve got Orange to look out for.
Now, there are two possible theories I know of on this scene. 1) Logan is the Orange-side, which seems to be the most popular opinion. 2) the Orange-side, similarly to Janus, can possess other sides. Personally, I think that Logan being the Orange-side is most plausible.
We have seen Logan almost lose his temper before when he threw a piece of paper at Roman in ‘Learning New Things About Ourselves’. He seems shaken by that, almost scared of what he did. Or maybe of what could have happened. He looked even more shaken in ‘Working Through Intrusive Thoughts’ when we got a glimpse of orange in his eyes. He knows there is a dangerous side to him, an emotional state of anger and frustration that he’s been doing his best to keep under control.
How much longer will he be able to control it though?
Next, we have Roman still feeling kind of upset towards Patton, if his stiff reaction to him speaking in the end card is anything to go by. I describe him as feeling lost because in a way he’s lost his moral compass. After what happened in ‘Putting Others First’, I think he distrusts Patton and considering he has in a way followed morality’s lead through all of this, he’s now struggling through questions of what he decides for himself is wrong and right. And he needs to get this right because he’s meant to be the hero, the good creativity. Or that’s what he’s believed all this time.
He’s been conditioned to see things in black and white. To him, there’s meant to be a clear distinction between a hero and a villain, which means if he does something that is not considered good then he’s bad. You can see how that mindset affects him firstly in ‘Dealing With Intrusive Thoughts’ “It’s a little like looking into a funhouse mirror, but instead of a giant head, or like, long legs and a tiny torse, …it shows you… everything you don’t wanna be” and then at the end of ‘Putting Others First’ “He’s (Janus) asking us to go back on things we’ve known for years! rights and wrongs, should’s and shouldn’t’s!”
The world is not black and white like Roman was taught, so now he’s lost himself in trying to understand the many different shades of grey around him.
Continuing down the angst road, we have Virgil’s uncharacteristic behaviour towards Patton. Yes, we have seen him act this way before, but ever since the ‘Accepting Anxiety’ arc he’s acted differently. More like his true self with the knowledge that he’s safe and among friends, like Logan said in Fitting In he’s part of the group. So, what changed?
Logically he would act out this way as a part of his fight or flight response, or more specifically he’s fighting against what scares him. He acts this way towards Janus and Remus (although it’s harder with Remus since he’s Remus) he gets defensive, cold, and downright mean because he’s trying to protect himself. My point? Something about Patton is scaring Virgil.
If we look at the relationship between them before Virgil’s behaviour, then we have what happened in ‘Dealing with Intrusive Thoughts'. Virgil was at a terrible point of stress over Remus showing up, mainly because Patton was stressed at Remus showing up. Pat’s knee jerk reaction to Remus and what he contributes sends Virgil into a panic because, in a sense, they’re connected as Thomas’s emotions. This may seem odd but stick with me here.
Fear and stress are the two things that drive Virgil. In ‘Why do we Get Out of Bed in the Morning’, he mentions that Thomas feeling stressed over deadlines and projects causes him to “work overtime”. As for fear, that’s clear enough in ‘Moving On’ parts 1 and 2, with his reaction to Patton’s Room. The strong influence of emotions in Patton’s room may have heightened his function because emotion is a core part of who he is. In fact, in ‘Dealing with Intrusive Thoughts’, Logan asks Virgil how Thomas is feeling. This means that he is just as connected to Thomas’s emotional state as Patton.
There isn’t a clear indicator of what happened between ‘Dealing with Intrusive Thoughts’ and ‘Are There Healthy Distractions’ to prompt Virgil’s behaviour towards Patton. Or is there? Let’s look at what exactly he says to Patton:
First from ‘Are There Healthy Distractions’: “How can Thomas Feel B-A-D with his inner D-A-D?” “I can think of a few ways.” This is the first time Virgil lashes out at Patton, and it’s obvious through the whole episode that he’s stressed out.
He actively wants to address the problem throughout the episode and is in a lot of emotional turmoil since the others seem to be ignoring it while he just can’t. Seriously, the pain piles upon him till the point he and Thomas fall into an anxiety attack.
So why does he antagonise Patton here? Because Patton is the one ignoring the problem. Patton is the one most actively ignoring what happened and Virgil is feeling hurt by that. Sure, Logan is distracted, but Logan understands that there are healthy distractions and can stay concentrated on the movie, causing him to not notice Virgil’s dilemma until later. And Roman is still following Patton’s lead here. When he took a jab at Virgil at the beginning and Patton said, “that’s not nice Roman.” He instantly panicked and scrambled to amend himself.
After ‘Are There Healthy Distractions’, we don’t see Patton and Virgil interact again until the end card of Working Through Intrusive Thoughts. “Oh, thank goodness, you’re giving him permission.” “Well, y-yeah. Of course I would.” Virgil bringing up Patton giving Thomas permission seems out of context, and yet it’s perfectly in line with the ending of ‘Dealing with Intrusive Thoughts’ where Patton said “I can’t control every little thing that pops into your head. This may be unnecessary, but, … It’s okay if you sometimes think some… Icky thoughts, Thomas. You have my… permission”
This begs the question though, why is that the line that stuck with Virgil? Because Virgil doesn’t want to be manipulated anymore.
If we look at his relationship with Janus for a moment, then anyone from a mile away can see the two have some sort of history. Something that goes beyond even Virgil’s past as one of the others. The relationship that they used to have. It’s been established that Remus used to unsettle Virgil, so I doubt they spent too much time together, but Janus? That’s a very different story.
Janus is deceit, lies, and denial so he may have hidden Virgil from Thomas. He may have lied to Virgil about his function to keep him under control. It was the best way he knew to hide Virgil from Thomas. But in the end, Virgil came to the realisation that Janus was a lair and hence they must have had a terrible fallout.
This began his arc as the ‘antagonist’ in Thomas’s life. He no longer allowed Janus to control him and faced the light sides on his own. He fought to have his voice heard along with the rest. Now he’s scared of losing the freedom he fought for via Patton taking control.
He’s been down the road before where he was taken advantage of, and he doesn’t want to fall for that again. Never again.
Oof, okay, now we come to Patton himself. He seems fine from the outside, but we all know that he has a habit of keeping his negative emotions on the down-low. He doesn’t exactly know what he’s done. That doesn’t excuse it, but it does put his behaviour into context.
In ‘Dealing with Intrusive Thoughts’ he realises how his reaction to things has influence Thomas’s wellbeing. In ‘Are There Healthy Distractions’ He’s trying to stay committed to Thomas's decision and not influence changing his mind towards facing the problem. Then in ‘Putting Others First’, we see how absolutely distressed he’s feeling because the influence he has over Thomas could be used for bad and hurt Thomas.
In a nutshell, he doesn’t want to become the bad guy, but he doesn’t know how to correct his behaviour. In ‘Putting Others First’ he even asks Janus “What can we do”. It shows that he knows he’s doing something wrong and wants to do the right thing, but everything he’s ever known has been torn apart and now he’s just left confused.
He doesn’t know what to do anymore.
Remus is just doing what he normally does. He’s functioning just fine and honestly, there isn’t anything much to unpack about his behaviour. He’s being himself. Although perhaps there’s something, or someone, behind what he’s doing.
It’s no secret that Janus is the brains of the two (although Remus can create some magnificent Rube Goldberg machines) and could be the mastermind behind this scheme. Since he was introduced, we knew Janus hid behind lies and worked with complex plans to fulfil his goals. The ending of ‘Putting Others First’ shows that he has a part of himself that is only looking out for others but that doesn’t change the fact he’s planning something.
His words at the end of ‘Working Through Intrusive Thoughts’ “Yes, everything is just… fine.” He knows something is not fine. He may even be behind instigating the entire thing.
This time though, perhaps his scheme is meant for good. He can see how the sides are very different from each other. Their working together as the light sides is incredibly unstable. Thomas's mental wellbeing is practically hanging from a thread.
How do we solve this problem? Expose it. So far, Janus's meddling has been to push things into the light. to get Thomas to face all aspects of himself and better understand the complexities of the world.
The truth needs to come out before things can get better.
And all of that brings me finally to the main point of my rant. My personal theory about what will happen with the finale.
Patton and Roman/Virgil currently have an unresolved conflict. That’s what will start the episode. Patton is trying to fix things with Roman and/or Virgil. Logan will try to be the mediator for the situation, and no one seems to be listening to him.
Then Janus shows up and is now on Patton’s side. This is making things worse because well Roman and Virgil still don’t like Janus at all. Perhaps Virgil will even snap and give more context into what happened between him and Janus, comparing Janus and Patton now that Pat seems to be betraying them. Remus even shows up and adds his own comments to further unsettle everyone. The fight is going to get bigger until finally, Logan snaps.
Orange-Logan is now part of the mix, and he is angry. Nothing is holding him back anymore so now everyone is going to have to focus on him. They will listen to him now, which is good, but because anger has taken over, Logan isn’t the same. He’s not able to reason with his own emotions and act as the voice of reason. Everything is coming down!
So now the fighting has gotten even worse, even louder, everyone is stressed and hurt and shouting and then Virgil says “stop”. He doesn’t shout it, he just speaks in a normal calm tone, although his voice is echoing a bit. Everyone does stop mainly out of confusion at his sudden hushed tone, then they see what is happening to Thomas. All their arguing has caused him to spiral into a panic.
Virgil calms Thomas down from his panic, and then Logan from his anger. It’s good for Logan to stand up for himself to be listened to, but anger will get them nowhere. He even apologises for not listening to Logan before things got this bad.
Logan calms down and apologises for his behaviour then calmly calls out the others on their own actions. With a calmer atmosphere, everyone can see a bit more clearly where they were in the wrong and apologise to one another. They talk things out, come to an understanding and resolve their feelings.
Anyway, if you made it to the end of this, I’d love to hear your thoughts on this theory and any theories you have regarding the finale. Thank you for reading and I hope that you have a wonderful day.
#sanders sides#virgil sanders#ts virigl#logan sanders#ts logan#roman sanders#ts roman#patton sanders#ts patton#janus sanders#ts janus#remus sanders#ts remus#ts spoliers
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the punishment
Falling in Stockholm part 4
tw: abuse, torture
wc: 1.6k
Falling in Stockholm
Normal
You felt normal. For the first time since you had been taken, you were filled with a sense of normalcy waking up on a warm bed, in your pajamas, and the energy of your quirk tickling your fingertips. You flexed your hand out of habit and sure enough your quirk’s energy manifested in the usual form of a disk-shaped shield. The reappearance of your quirk washed away any lingering sleep and you almost bolted out of the room then and there—at least, until Dabi’s soft snoring grounded your thoughts and you moved quietly and carefully.
You rose from the bed, slowly, knowing that one loud movement would wake your captor. Dabi was still fast asleep when you tiptoed to his coat on a wooden chair and fished for the keys. With trembling hands and blood pumping in your ears, you fisted the keys to keep them from jangling and took your hand out of the pocket. While focusing all your attention on the keys, your knee accidently bumped against the chair and you froze, not daring to look in his direction. You waited for the creaking of the bed, the roar of his flames, or the throbbing pain from his blows—but none of them came. You darted your eyes to the bed but Dabi was still sprawled on the bed with his chest rising and falling in an even rhythm.
Adrenaline still pumping through your veins, you moved to the door and started trying each of the seven keys on the lock. You needed to be quick, not knowing when Dabi would wake, but your trembling hands made it difficult to quietly work on the lock . Your life depended on how fast you could open the door and that fact alone had your hands trembling and your heart in your throat.
When the lock finally turned with the fifth key, the bed creaked and you whipped your head around to see Dabi scrambling to his feet. In a second, your right hand was raised and a shield Dabi’s size materialized before using your force to push it in his direction. With no time to lose, you were out of the room before witnessing the damage Dabi had taken from your quirk.
You ran down a dimly lit corridor all the way to the end until reaching an unlocked door that revealed a flight of stairs leading up. The realization you were in a basement was interrupted by the door of the room slamming open and Dabi appearing hunched over. His appearance had you bolting up the stairs with your eyes solely focused on the steel door in front of you. Sunlight shined through the windowpane and its warmth kissed your face making you lose balance and tumble forward. Your hands caught your fall but you still managed to scrape your knee and hit your shins on the concrete steps.
The door behind you slammed open revealing your captor and you rushed to your feet and made it to the door. Just as you were about to push it, the door swung open and revealed a tall, masked figure in an overcoat. You ran into the figure who caught you by your shoulders while you desperately gripped onto the lapels of his honey yellow coat.
“Help! Help me, please!” You choked out and the figure seemed to regard you before tilting its head to look past you. The figure was way too calm and your instincts told you to get away. The figure nodded once before turning his head to you and the horrifying truth made your blood run cold.
They’re with Dabi
You pushed off the person but they wrapped an arm around you before you could use your quirk. In a second, a flash of blinding blue enveloped you and fogged your mind. A glassy blue wall was all you made out before nodding off.
Darkness was all you saw when your eyelids fluttered open. You were blindfolded and could no longer feel your quirk’s energy flowing through you; an indicator that you’d been drugged by that quirk inhibitor once again. Soft material lay beneath you but your wrists and ankles were bound by a cold leathery material. You shivered from the cold that enveloped your naked body. A couple of tugs from your hands and feet was all it took to understand your situation. Your wrists and ankles were bound to the four-corners of a bed.
Footsteps and muffled voices from the other side of the door put you on edge and you tried to make out what they said.
“I’ll meet him later,” Dabi’s distorted voice said. “I have to discipline my girl first.”
Your terror mounted with every syllable Dabi uttered. He exchanged more words with whom you assumed was the masked person that had trapped you before the door rattled and opened. Fighting the shiver that went down your spine, you feigned sleep as Dabi’s footsteps grew closer before they stopped near the end of the bed. You waited for him to say something only to hear a loud snap before searing pain cut across your abdomen.
“ARGH!”
“Apologize,” he demanded while you were still reeling from whip’s pain.
“Y-you’re insane!”
The whip continued to crash down against your stomach, arms, legs, and chest after every insult you spat at Dabi.
“Monster!”
“Psycho!”
“Freak!”
Before long, the dull pain took over your entire being and words were beyond you. The whip continued to crack against your raw skin even without hurling insults his way. Pain like this you’d only experienced during your days with the Mayor. He’d punished you like this too when you disobeyed him.
The whip eventually stopped but the torture didn’t. Cold water splashed on your face that sent you into shock. You coughed and wheezed and your body shook violently from the reactive pain of your wounds. Soon, your lungs seemed to close up and oxygen became scarce.
“C-can’t…breathe! HELP!”
A harsh blow to your left cheek snapped you out of your panicked state and your chest heaved, finally getting the air it needed.
“…Why…w-why me? It makes…no sense…I’ve never met you.”
You braced yourself for another blow or another whip but instead the contrasting cold of his staples coupled with his hot breath caressed the skin of your thigh. Your unfaithful body writhed as his tongue ran across the swollen red lash marks on his path.
“You have. I saved you outside a club six years ago.”
A memory you had tried so hard to bury rose to the surface of your mind. You’d worked part time at a club/bar during your last year of middle school in order to pay your UA tuition since the orphanage you were at couldn’t afford it and your grades weren’t good enough for a scholarship. The work mostly consisted of cleaning up after guests had already left, but one night a client and his colleagues cornered you in the alleyway. With your quirk, you’d managed to inflict some damage on them but they soon showed their true villainous colors and overpowered you. Their filthy hands roamed your body and assaulted you. They would have gotten away with more had a shadowy figure not approached them and dragged them off you. You ran as soon as you could, shaken, but not before looking back and seeing electric blue flames engulfing your attackers. Their screams from being burned alive haunted you for months and you never returned. It had taken years but the memory was stored with the other painful ones in the dark recesses of your mind while you moved on.
“It was y—”
Dabi cut you off by crashing his lips against yours in a desperate kiss that stole the air from your lungs and made your head spin. You kissed him back until the momentary haze ended and you cut him off by harshly biting down on his lip. Dabi hissed in pain before gripping your right shoulder and burning the skin while a raw scream tore through your body. The pain from the burns his quirk inflicted was unlike anything you’d ever experienced. It shook you to your core once again and tore down your pain tolerance until you were just a shell of a person—crying, screaming, and trembling.
“You know what to do for the pain to stop,” He whispered into your ear and you flinched. Dabi was right. No matter how hard you’d tried burying your past, the situation you found yourself in mirrored the one in the past. Pain was a result of disobedience. The only way to stop the pain was to…
“Listen to me, Y/N. I have your best interests at heart.”
“Y-yes, Mayor,” You whimpered. “M’sorry…I-I’ll be good.”
“That’s my girl.”
You weren’t sure if it was Dabi or the Mayor that spoke but they had become one in your mind. Bound and blindfolded, your past and present fused together. Whether you were a pro-hero or an eight-year-old girl, the result was the same and you were a slave to the pain inflicted on you. A thought you believed you’d disproven over the years manifested once again.
I suffer because I’m weak
Your surrender was always met with sweet relief. With your mind still in shambles, you could only feel. Warm water and a soft towel traveled across your body. Cold ointment was applied to your wounds before rough but warm hands wrapped bandages around them. Your head was lifted up and cool water ran down your throat that you eagerly drank until there was none. You leaned into your master’s warm hand when he ran them across your face gently. When your exhaustion won out, the last thing you felt was a warm blanket that was drawn up against your chin.
Yes, this is much easier
#mha#bnha#mha x reader#bnha x reader#dabi#dabi x reader#dabi fanfic#mha fanfic#bnha fanfic#dabi x y/n#dabi x female reader#yandere dabi#dabi x you#touya#touya todoroki#touya x reader#touya x you#tw: abuse#tw: torture#navs.mha#navs.fis
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Would you write a hoffman thing where the reader helps him escape the bathroom at the end of VII and they nurse him back to health🥺❤️
THE AMOUNT OF WHOLESOME
You knew what your boyfriend was doing, you knew what a terrible man he had become and that he was a killer, but you stayed by his side, even helped him at some points. Mark was your everything, even though you felt like sometimes he would give up your life to save his own, you still loved him. You couldn’t help but see the good in him, sure he had his dark side but there was a side of him that you only saw, the side of him that was loving and smiled, held you close to him in the morning, just made you feel like you were on cloud nine.
Something tonight though felt wrong. You were sitting in your usual spot in bed with the pillows behind you propped up so you could sit comfortably while drinking your wine and reading, waiting for Mark to come home. You knew that Mark was a wanted man, he had planned to move both of you out of town soon and be on the run, sure it wasn’t how you expected your life to be with Mark but you’d do anything for him.
As your wine glass turned empty, you went to fill it again but the bottle was also empty. You checked the time seeing it almost be four in the morning and still no Mark. You looked at the muted tv that hung on the wall in front of your and Mark’s bed and grabbed the remote turning on the volume seeing Jill Kramer’s face come on the news.
“Over the past two hours, it seems our entire city has been shaken to its core,” the news reporter said, you closed your book putting it on the nightstand and focused all your attention on the screen, “in addition to the nine police employees killed tonight, Jill Tuck, the wife of serial killer John Kramer has been found dead.” Your hand went to your mouth in shock and turned off the tv, not even bothering with the rest. You knew this had to have been the work of Mark, who else would actually try to kill Jill and get away with it?
You quickly dialed Mark’s number praying for an answer but when the line went dead, you definitely knew something was wrong. You bothered to change into something different than just a t-shirt and shorts and knelt down to the box under your bed. You quickly did the combination and opened the box looking at Mark’s extra gun, the first gun that was supposed to be in the box was already gone. Mark had taught you how to shoot a gun just in case anyone tried to threaten you because of him so you knew what you were doing.
Reaching your car, you drove down the road as fast as you could without breaking any laws and having police pull you over and notice who you are. When you had reached the warehouse, you slammed on the brakes and didn’t even bother to turn off the car before you ran up the stairs to the warehouse, careful of any traps that had been left behind.
You were rushing to find Mark, not knowing if he was even alive or not. You hissed feeling something cut your leg and feeling the blood run down your leg but you ignored the pain and called Mark’s name.
You screamed when someone wrapped their arms around you and tried to stab a needle into your neck but you kicked them in the groin sending them to the ground and grabbed the needle out of their hands. You knelt down by the person wearing a pig mask noticing a cane beside them as you grabbed it and snapped it in two.
“I expected better from you Lawrence, I called you my friend,” you sighed looking at Lawrence pulling off the pig mask, “tell Alison I say hi.” You then took the needle and stabbed Lawrence in the neck sending the doctor unconscious and kept moving to find Mark.
You were walking around the warehouse, calling Mark’s name when you heard your name being said from a room near you.
“Mark?” you asked looking at a steel wall-door that you heard your name come from. You looked at the door looking for a way in but it seemed that the handle was gone, “Mark, listen to me please, it’s me. I’m gonna get you out of here but you need to work with me.”
“Y/N just leave, change your name and live a normal life, I’m already fucked,” Mark said from the other side of the door as you tried to find a way to open the door, “I’m sorry, I never should have brought you into this life.”
“Stop saying that, I’m getting you out of here,” you said looking at the door still trying to find a way in when you noticed a hand saw left outside the door and started to use it to pry open the door actually getting somewhere.
You pulled the door open when you had it open enough and ran over to Mark. You noticed the deceased and rotted body of Adam beside Mark and started to try and open the chain around Mark’s foot.
“Just saw it off, I’ll live,” Mark said looking at you and the saw still in your hand.
You laughed placing your hand on Mark’s stitched up cheek, “let’s save that for a last resort, you’re already torn up enough.” Realizing that there wasn’t anything for you to use to pick the lock on the chains, you looked at Mark with a sad expression, “I’ll be right back, you just stay right here.” You could only pray that Lawrence was still asleep.
“Be careful,” Mark said as you smiled, kissing him quickly telling him you would.
When you finally reached Lawrence’s body, he was still asleep thankfully as you reached into his pant’s pocket looking for the key to the chains. There had to have been a key somewhere, how else would Lawrence lock the lock on the chains? You turned the doctor onto his stomach and checked his back pocket pulling out something metal and noticed it was a key.
“Gotcha,” you smiled running back to where Mark was waiting for you and showed him the key.
“Y/N, your leg,” you had completely forgot the state your leg had been in before Mark had pointed it out. You looked down and saw all the dried blood on your jeans and the giant gash in your leg.
“I’ll be fine,” you said going over to Mark’s chains and shoving the key into the lock and turning it.
-----
When Mark had woken up, he was blinded by the bright light of the room, he tried to grasp at anything he could when he felt a hand intertwined with his own. Once his eyes adjusted to the light, Mark tried to sit up the best he could without pain when he noticed Y/N asleep next to him on a chair, her head resting on the pillow they were sharing and her hand holding his.
There was something special about you to Mark, something he didn’t want to lose, he wasn’t sure what he would do if you had been killed. He wanted your relationship to last with him, maybe even get married one day. He didn’t even know why you bothered to risk your life to save him from his bathroom tomb, but seeing you break into the bathroom was like he had seen a guardian angel come to save him. But there’s one thing he can understand best, he can’t see you again, he has to put an end to your relationship. He didn’t want you to become the next Jill Tuck, being interrogated and threatened everyday, being followed by journalists, getting her life ruined by a man. He’s not that selfish.
Slowly and unexpectedly carefully for a man his size, Mark slips out of the bed and freezes when you start mumbling something in your sleep. When he makes sure you didn’t wake up, he walks to his clothes and dresses up, out of the more comfortable clothes you had dressed him in. He knows you’re the type of person to go searching for him so he takes out his cellphone, opens the back of it and pulls out the card, putting it on the table. This will be explanatory on itself, at least that’s what Mark thinks.
He went to the door and put on his shoes then his coat and lingers for a moment. He tries to stop himself, but he can’t. So he just returns to the bedroom, leans and presses a soft kiss on your hair.
“Goodbye.” He whispers, then straightens his back, turns and leaves closing the door behind him.
As he walks to the underground parking lot to his car, Mark feels angry and empty at the same time. Yet he knows this is for the best. The best way to keep you safe.
Mark is unlocking his car door when he feels arms wrap around him and turns around to face you staring up at him with tears in your eyes, “you were just gonna leave?!” Mark tried to push you away and get in his car but you pushed him away from the car and got in front of the car door, “I’m not letting you just leave and give this up.”
Mark turned away from you, it hurt him to see you crying and just wanted to take you into his arms and apologize but he couldn’t let himself break.
“Mark I care about you for fucks sake!” you yelled trying to knock some sense into Mark but he wouldn’t bother listening to you, “and you’re gonna be so fucking selfish to just leave? I save your life and this is how I’m repaid, you leaving me with a broken heart as if I mean nothing to you.”
“Why did you come for me?” Mark asked, his hand on the door handle as if he was contemplating if he was actually going to leave or not, “you should have left me there, let me rot in that bathroom. But you risked your life for me, you risked people knowing of our relationship to get me.”
“It seems I’ve shown my hand, hm?” you mused. “You’re quite right… I should have done all of that.” Your intense gaze seemed to burn through Mark. “But on this particular occasion, what I wanted wasn’t what was most logical.”
“What are you saying, Y/N?” Mark murmured, his hand leaving the handle and turning to face you.
You brought a hand to cup Mark’s face, almost tenderly.
“I’m saying that dear Lawrence was wrong. And so was everyone else, including you. All of you think that you can’t feel… that you can’t love.” You drew out the word ‘love’ in a sing-song tone, grinning. Then your expression turned serious again. “Lawrence was right about one thing, though. Everyone has a weakness. And it just so happens… you’re mine.”
Mark looked at you.
“I would burn down this entire town for you. I would risk so much. And don’t ever forget that.”
“I won’t,” Mark whispered breathlessly.
#Mark hoffman#mark hoffman x reader#mark hoffman imagines#saw#saw x reader#saw imagines#mark go big sad#slashers#slashers x reader#slashers imagines
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forever & then some {obi-wan x reader}
summary: sometimes you doubt the jedi order - but you could never doubt obi-wan kenobi (for @ohhellokenobi - u said u wanted fluff and i hope this delivers)
this a repost of one i posted about 2 hours ago cos it wasn’t showing up in the tags and it was irking me am soz
warnings: probably language? a very brief mention of the usual star wars canon typical violence but other than this is 100% pure unadulterated pining and yearning
- jazz xx
It had been easy at first to pretend that you were okay.
When the war was only just beginning, you’d managed to stay hopeful. You’d managed to cling onto every last bit of optimism that you’d had, scrambling to find it with each passing battle, as though you were desperately gathering up pieces of a shattered illusion, trying to string it back together. Was that not what the Jedi order had been built on? Justice; the desire to find a balance in the galaxy, and the hope that maybe, just maybe, the equality would stay. That mantra was built into the very core of the beliefs you’d dedicated your life to. Every time you marched into battle with your men behind you, you’d repeat it over and over in your head.
Peace. Security. Justice.
Most of the Jedi would blindly follow the orders of the Council without so much as a shadow of a doubt. If they came from the Council, they were just. They were right, and they had pure intentions. You were fighting the good fight, right? The Jedi were the good guys. The other side were the bad guys.
But was it always that black and white? Acknowledging that the other side were bad didn’t automatically make you good. You were losing men everyday - good men, innocent men - and even though they had been born and bred to fight, it didn’t take away from the pain. They were your friends, and you’d found yourself wondering if you were doing the right thing.
It wasn’t an easy train of thought to deal with, not when you spent twenty-hours-a-day fighting in the war. You didn’t really have time to be introspective, let alone allow your mind to wander off to a place of politics and morals. Questioning everything wasn’t an option when you’d been taught to follow orders without a second thought. That didn’t mean you forgot about it - just pushed it to the back of your mind. You’d been taught to put your faith into the Jedi, and to believe that the light side would prevail. There were days where it felt like putting your blind trust into the Order was like stepping off of a ledge with a noose around your neck and hoping that there was sufficient ground below you to save you from the rope.
You were particularly feeling that on a cold, wet Friday afternoon. Rain was lashing down on Coruscant, enveloping the city in a bubble of grey and gloom. You were sat in a bar a few miles out from the Temple, mindlessly staring at your drink and occasionally blinking at the reflections of the bright light that glared up at you from the flat beer. Who’s idea had it been to drink today? Wolffe’s, probably. With the right amount of encouragement, he probably had the power to turn the entire 501st into raging alcoholics.
‘You’re being awfully quiet.’ Obi-Wan commented from beside you.
If you were looking for a silver lining, the difficulty of the war had any prior complications about your secret relationship seem like an absolute doddle. You’d never doubted Obi-Wan - not once in the years that you’d known one another - but the current climate was simply a reminder of how much you needed him. You knew that he dealt with his own demons, and that he struggled with the war and the loss it brought, but it felt like he always knew what to say. If you were looking for a reason not to leave the Order, he was it.
‘I’m fine.’ You murmured, gently pushing your drink away. ‘Just don’t feel like drinking.’
The Jedi moved closer, shuffling up next to you in the booth you were in. ‘The energy around you is enough to give the entire city depression, darling.’
Fucking Force connection, you thought. It made hiding things from him impossible - not that you liked doing it, but it’s not as though you gave him weather forecasts on what your mood was. You didn’t want to talk about it. You just wanted to...simmer.
‘Pleaaaaase just let me wallow in my pity.’ You groaned, gently ghosting your hand over his.
‘You have a lot on your mind.’ He said.
‘You think I don’t know that?’ You raised an eyebrow, tilting your head towards him.
‘Come on.’ Obi stood up, exiting the booth and holding his hand out to you. ‘Let’s go home.’
‘But I promised Rex-’
‘- he’s had five pints of beer. Rex can’t tell the difference between you and a lamp post right now.’
Nodding - but not without a grimace - you tossed a few credits onto the table and followed Obi-Wan out the bar. The rain was still coming down hard on the city, bouncing off the streets and reflecting the bright lights of the buildings back at you from the wet ground, creating tiny galaxies in the puddles as you trudged through them.
Once you were far away enough from the bar to be clear of any clones, Obi-Wan wrapped an arm around your waist, pulling you into his side. The gesture was natural and entirely thoughtless, but the tension you were holding in your bones immediately evaporated at his touch. His presence was almost intoxicating in that sense; calming, addictive and occasionally enough to make you a little bit giddy.
He had to release his grip once you’d got to the Temple - you had to keep up appearances after all- but the minute you reached his quarters, his hands were back on you and pulling you towards the refresher. He worked on autopilot, pulling off your damp robes and passing you fresh ones. The clothes belonged to him, but they were clean and dry and smelt faintly of his aftershave. They weren’t that far off from one of his hugs.
‘Sit.’ Obi-Wan almost strong-armed you into a blanket, wrapping you up against his mattress. Even when you had your own quarters, you near enough spent every night here. ‘Now talk to me.’
‘I told you, Obi.’ You murmured, snuggling further into the duvet. ‘I just have a lot on my mind.’
‘Sharing is caring.’
‘That applies to things like cake. Not depression.’
‘What’s mine is yours?’
‘Same principle-’
‘- darling, please.’ He twisted on his side to face you, hands gently cupping your face. ‘I hate seeing you like this.’
‘You won’t like it.’
‘I don’t care.’
‘Fine.’ You sighed. ‘But it’s a lot.’
‘Try me.’
You cleared your throat, sitting up slightly.
‘I think I’m losing faith in the Jedi Order.’ You stated. ‘Not just the council, but everything we stand for. There are days when I can’t see the difference between what we’re doing and what Grievous is doing and I just...I wonder if we’re on the good side.’
Obi-Wan blinked at you in surprise. Aside from when he’d broken his promise of no attachment (worth it), you knew that he had utter and complete unwavering loyalty to the Jedi. Perhaps that’s why you’d been so resistant to tell him - because he wouldn’t get it.
A small sigh escaped his lips, and he pushed a few strands of hair out your face. ‘How long have you been feeling like this, my love?’
‘I can’t pinpoint it.’ You murmured. ‘I did try to push it down at first, to ignore it and act like I was overthinking but I’m losing people, Obi. What if it’s you next time-’
‘- hey, stop.’ His grip on you grew a little tighter. ‘It won’t be. I can promise you that. I will always come home to you, okay? I’m not going anywhere.’
It was hard not to believe him, because he said it with so much confidence, as though he were so sure of his love for you that not even a droid army could get in his way. You had faith in that, because you probably would have done the same. People didn’t always find their strength until the thing they loved the most was at stake. Grief and fear were sometimes the most powerful things.
‘I know.’ You let out a small sigh, nodding. ‘And I also know you’re the last person who would ever question the Jedi and maybe I’m just being too introspective-’
‘- your feelings are valid.’ Obi pressed a kiss to your forehead. ‘Especially with everything going on, and it’s natural to lose your faith in things.’
‘So how do you do it?’ You asked. ‘How do you keep your faith when the world around is a giant ceiling fan filled with bantha crap?’
‘I find faith in other things.’ He said, as though it were the most obvious thing in the world. ‘I’ll admit I’ve had my trust in the Order shaken too, so I find it in other places.’
‘Where?’
‘In the clones. They’re good men, and I know they wouldn’t go into battle and engage in combat unless it were for a good reason.’ He began. ‘And the individuals on the Council. I’ve worked with them for years and I trust them to make the right calls.’
‘Right.’ You nodded. ‘That’s a good point.’
‘But above all, I have faith in you.’ That part caught you off guard. ‘I completely and entirely dedicate myself to the idea - perhaps even the fantasy - that if everything around us falls apart, I’ll still have you. Whether that’s as Jedi, or as two fugitives running around the galaxy, I know that everything will be okay as long you’re by my side.’
‘Damn.’ You murmured. ‘I can’t top that.’
Obi let out a small laugh, shaking his head at your comment. ‘You don’t have to.’
‘It makes sense, though.’ You replied. ‘Sometimes you’re the only thing that makes sense - like the only thing I can really trust. The only constant.’
‘I love you.’
Obi-Wan always stated it so plainly and simply: I love you. He didn’t have to say anything else because he didn’t have to. Your love for one another was just a fact of life and something that didn’t need to be explained, in the same way that Mace Windu was bald or that Anakin was a pain in the ass. It just was.
‘I love you too.’ You said. ‘So much.’
‘And whatever happens, it’ll always be you and me.’ He reminded you. ‘Above all, that is the only thing that matters.’
‘Once again, I cannot top that.’
‘Darling, once again, you don’t have to.’ Obi-Wan laughed. ‘Anything you fail to say, I can feel.’
‘Oh maker, is it time for a monologue about the Force?’ you groaned.
‘I thought you loved my monologues.’
‘I tolerate them.’ You poked his cheek playfully. ‘It’s you that I love, idiot.’
‘And you’ve sworn yourself to me forever.’ He leant down to brush his lips against yours, momentarily causing you to ascend any planetary atmosphere the galaxy had to offer. ‘So who’s the real idiot?’
‘Me.’ You dropped your head into his shoulder, letting out a groan.
‘Forever.’
‘And then some.’
#obi-wan x reader#obi-wan kenobi x reader#obi-wan imagine#obi-wan kenobi imagine#star wars x reader#star wars imagine#star wars fan fic#star wars#star wars imagines#star wars preferences#star wars headcanons
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