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deanbrainrotwritings · 4 months

Text

— GIMME HALF

REQUEST : “hi!! I was wondering if you could maybe write an age gap (legal obv) with female!reader × dean winchester where the reader is like in her 20s and dean's in his 40s :) just some rough smut with choking and hair pulling and spitting (if you're comfortable with it) and dean being like super "hungry" for her, like he's waited a long time for it to happen. also lots of dirty talks cause i absolutely love them hahah :) anyways im in love with your writing and all your stories! thanks a lot! <3” — anonymous

PAIRING : dean winchester x professor!reader (f.)

CHARACTERS : miracle, sam winchester

WARNINGS/TAGS : explicit(18+), angst, enemies to lovers, age gap, voyeurism, smut, oral sex, p in v, praise kink, choking, hair pulling, dacryphilia, rough sex, spitting

WORD COUNT : 8.4k

A/N : devil wears prada song title. @spnkinkevents : #12daysofspnkinkmas2023 — chair sex and food play. I wrote this half-asleep while listening to ASMR, like… that’s how I write most of my stories, plus, they’re always written between 00.00-02.40. Doctor Who references, ‘cause I’m a nerd. I got carried away…. Cliffhanger bc I’m cruel.

There were countless pros and cons to having houses built so close together with windows facing the same direction.

Pros: Accidentally seeing your hot neighbour walk around naked in the living room and kitchen. Accidentally catching your hot neighbour jerk off when they think that everyone’s asleep.

Yup, she’s seen all of that and more. All from that nameless, freckled, green-eyed man next door.

Even wholesome things, like him playing with his cute dog, babying the little rascal and spoiling it. Him cooking and baking, being wholeheartedly content with feeding it to the tall, Hazel-eyed puppy dog of a man, the tall man’s gorgeous deaf wife, and his tiny adorable son; the blue-eyed, dreamy dude in a trench coat; and that endearing young boy with blue eyes who looked like a combination of all three of the men.

There were times where she’d seen the green-eyed man dressed as a cowboy and even a princess to entertain the little baby boy—his nephew. For sleepovers with him, he’d read him bedtime stories while being completely animated. He’d build a bunch of forts, with sheets, the couch, pillows, and some Christmas lights. He'd talk to the little boy and hold serious conversations despite neither of them being able to understand each other. He’d teach the young boy and the baby boy how to fix cars—at least he tried to. He’d pack his best friends' lunches every morning with his hair unkempt, half asleep, while sipping on some coffee. He’d even take naps with the baby, treating him as his own son.

He’d do ridiculously endearing things, too, such as baking bread at night when he couldn’t sleep. He'd read books only when he was alone, as if he’d be made fun of by his friends, and she finally understood why. They were either romantic, erotic, or completely nerdy and abstract. He had range. He’d watch cheesy soap operas and rom-com k-dramas when he did chores. He loved to collect things such as Pokémon cards and even legos.

There were a million things he did that she thought were cute. The windows into his house were like the screens of a television, like her favourite character, she got to see him when he’s relaxed and surrounded only by those who love him

As for the cons, we’ll get to that…

When they first moved in, it was about three and a half years ago. She’d been visiting her family in Kansas City for her oldest brother’s birthday in June.

When she returned to Lebanon, they had already settled down. There was a brown and beige Ford pickup truck, a black Subaru—both parked in the front, and a sleek black Impala in the driveway.

The youngest, Jack, waved at her one day when he returned with Cas after buying groceries. Then, Cas awkwardly introduced himself and Jack, and gave her the names of the other two men who were brothers, Sam is the tall one and Dean was the freckled one.

Sam was the most social one. He’d spark up conversation with her whenever he saw her, dropping bits and pieces of information about himself, his brother, his fiancée, Cas, Jack, and Dean’s loyal dog, Miracle.

After seven months of living together, Sam moved out with his wife, Eileen. They’d just gotten married, and they both invited her. She’d gone, the wedding was pretty, cute, and modest. Y/n had spoken to a few of their close family and friends. Dean, however, kept to himself the whole night as if he were grieving. He’d smile occasionally if any of his friends came to him, he was enthusiastic, and then he'd go back into himself.

Four months later, Sam and EIleen returned; she was pregnant. It was a boy, he’d planned on naming him after his big brother, which Y/n thought was adorable. He hadn’t told his brother, but planned on telling him the day his son was born.

Y/n could tell Dean had mixed feelings about his brother’s departure, mostly negative feelings. He loved Eileen and his nephew. But when it was just him, Cas, and Jack, he'd often drink, despite concerned, useless interventions with Cas. Unless Sam, Eileen, and his nephew were there. He’d never even glance at that top-shelf cupboard.

The good thing was that at least Dean was a happy drunk.

The first time she interacted with Dean was a few weeks after she’d returned from Kansas City, she assumed two things: his heart was closed off to new people, and he’s one hot, irritating, grumpy, sour, old man.

It was the spring semester at Kansas University. Y/n was grading her students’ creative, personal essays in the office downstairs. She was perplexed by the small percentage of her students and their inability to use proper grammar or follow the thorough, detailed checklist she created to get them to pass easily.

Just when she thought she’d gotten great at making their lives easy, they return the shittiest, half-assed essays. She felt bad for the bad grades, but since the rest of her students managed to get perfect scores or at least proficient scores, she couldn’t just let them pass.

Loud banging on the door startled her from reading an impressive essay. Her blood ran cold and she scrambled up from her rolling chair, ignoring that she pushed it halfway across the room.

Her socked feet were quiet on the wooden floor, making her way quickly down the hallway until she got to the shelf where she kept her gun. She pressed it against the door and looked through the peephole, then relaxed when she saw Dean.

She was irritated by the loud knocking, though, regardless of how cute he looked when he was clearly pissed off. She opened the door and set the gun down on the table where she usually placed her keys.

“Lady, have you seen the mess you made outside?” Dean asked her, pointing behind him. She stared at him, stunned by how much prettier he looked up close. Her cheeks turned hot, but she looked past him trying to see whatever he was pointing at.

She looked at her red Mustang parked in the front as a reminder to restock the kitchen, then looked close to where his house was. She winced at the mud and the running water from her hose going into his nice lawn.

“Shit,” she murmured, toeing her socks off before moving past Dean to turn the hose off. She got distracted by the mud and the puddles as she pulled the hose, and coiled it back where it should have been. It’s been a while since she last let her bare feet feel this beneath, the smell of wet dirt was amazing, even when it wasn’t caused by rainfall.

“Do you always do shit like this?” He asked from behind, his tone harsh.

She frowned when she turned to look at his furious face, careful to not touch her forehead with her muddy hands when she used her wrist to move hair away from her face.

“I’m sorry,” she apologised, tilting her head at him. He just rolled his eyes at her, then he stared at his lawn, and ran his hand down his face. “Did I do somethin’ else to piss you off?” She asked, looking around to see if there’s anything else she may have forgotten.

“One, your cat’s too damn loud, crying and meowing for my damn dog when you let him out,” he started, which made her blink in confusion. She didn’t expect something like that to get on his nerves. “And B, why the hell do you have cameras facing my place?”

She narrowed her eyes at him, her ego being injured fueled her anger and defensiveness. “Okay, listen, Doctor Who, I said I was sorry, okay?” She could tell her words stunned him by the furrowing of his brows in bewilderment, disarming him and shutting him up. “It’s not my fault your dog likes my cat, too. And the cameras are off, they’re there to scare people, so fuck off,” she snapped before she stop herself.

Dean scoffed at her, “fuck you.” She rolled her eyes at him this time, staring daggers into his back when he turned around to get to his home.

“If you’d fuck me, maybe you wouldnt be such an asshole.” Her snide words made him freeze. He laughed dryly and he turned to face her once more, her arms crossed over her chest.

“Pretty sure I’d still hate you, sweetheart,” he chuckled, crossing his own arms. That stung, even if she didn’t know him personally and half the time she spent romanticising him based on the little bit of information she had. “And I’d rather go fuck some other chick.” She clenched her jaw and breathed in slowly, angry heat began rising up her neck the faster her heart started to beat.

Entirely unintended, she venomously spat, “according to your brother, you haven’t been lucky enough, and you’re not going to be.”

“You talking to my brother about my sex life?” He stepped closer to her, his nostril flaring in anger. Betrayal and hurt crossed his features and she realised her mistake.

“No, just overheard him ‘cause you’re an overbearing douchebag,” she lied smoothly. Truth was, Sam and Eileen did accidentally—drunkenly—tell her how hard it was for Dean to maintain a serious relationship for more than three months. They don’t remember sharing that information. It was easy for her to casually ask about Dean’s love life and availability, masking her attraction to Dean as mere surprise as to how the younger brother got married before the older one. “Makes sense now why no one will sleep with you,” she laughed mockingly, stepping closer to him defiantly.

His face was red now, too. Angry, offended, he rolled his eyes at her smug face and body language. “You don’t know shit about me.”

“Sure, yeah, if that makes you feel better,” she snorted, patting his very nice, broad shoulder with her muddy hand as she made her back into her house. Preoccupied by the small mud-print on his beige Henley, he couldn’t get the last word in or stop her from leaving him flustered in her swampy driveway.

That was the start of a horrible relationship with her neighbour. The neighbour she had a crush on.

He found all kinds of reasons to complain. Big and small. And she secretly did things to piss him off, occasionally sabotaging his plans.

The thing was that deep down, she still liked him, but he made her so angry and frustrated. And it felt good to see him angry and frustrated by things she caused either on purpose or accidentally. Any attention was better than no attention.

Eventually, that all changed. The fun, the it’s-better-than-nothing feeling, it didn’t last. Fourteen months later, she stopped the cruel games and decided to avoid him completely.

When her friends offered to take her out, she agreed, even if she wanted to stay home. If Dean was home, she made sure to never say no to them, and sometimes she’d offer to take them out. Wherever.

She’d started to grade at the cafe, library, or the diner, even if Dean went to all those places often. At least he wouldn’t say anything there around all those people.

When she grew closer to Sam, Cas, and Jack, she’d find excuses not to go over to Dean’s when they offered either food, game nights, movie nights, or random hangouts. They started to notice too—the tension, the avoidance, the hostility—and they’d go over to her place instead, often without Dean, who’d choose to go out to avoid staying home alone.

It was awful. The rejection started to hurt, yet, he had her heart in the palm of his hand. Deep down, she knew that Dean wasn’t a bad person; he just didn’t like her.

Eventually, Dean ended his animosity, too, and everything went back to ‘normal’. She slowly started to reject offers from her friends to test the water, stayed home to grade, and didn't permit her cat to leave even if it cried for an escape. If she took him out, it was with a leash she eventually got him to get used to.

They ignored each other when they crossed paths—in the driveway, at the grocery store, at diners, at the cafe. They acted like complete strangers. She’d keep her curtains closed, at least she did for the windows that face his house. She made her presence as unnoticeable and as invisible as she could to prevent causing more damage to each other.

Then, about two months ago, on Halloween, Sam, Eileen, Cas, and Jack went to her house to collect candy. Sam made a point of staying back while the rest of them walked to where Dean was waiting—looking anywhere but at her house—to convince her to go to his and Eileen’s place for Thanksgiving.

He was honest, cute, wide hazel eyes attempting to convince her to try and make amends with Dean. She didn’t doubt it, when he told her that Dean felt guilty, but her pride was bruised, and her heart was broken. She told Sam she would be visiting her own family for that holiday. She omitted that she’d be going to her mother’s house a few miles away, still in Lebanon. And she easily convinced her mother to let her stay the rest of the week until she had to go back to work.

Now, Christmas was near—in four days, to be exact. It wasn’t the holiday spirit that made her change her mind, it was the hurt and the exhaustion of planning her life around avoiding Dean.

So, she called Sam, she asked if he could do anything to get Dean alone tomorrow.

For the rest of the day, she would start to prepare everything—even though it was Dean who created the mess—she was willing to make the first move and hopefully meet him halfway.

She couldn’t lie that she felt embarrassed by how excited she was to see Dean. She couldn't even differentiate the meaning of the butterflies in her stomach, but she powered through her fluttering heart and her shaking hands as she prepared everything before going to see him.

She considered not doing it at all, calling it quits—but the consequences of that quickly made her miserable. That would just mean more avoidance, more hiding, more changing everything about herself to make him happy.

All of this over one little misunderstanding. One bad day where her mouth ran without consulting her brain first ruined what could have otherwise been a good friendship—perhaps even a romantic relationship.

She was twenty-six and just like Dean, she hadn’t had a serious relationship since… Well, ever. The last time someone convinced her to date them was in highschool, and even before that, it took her a month—or less—to figure out she wanted nothing to do with them. She didn’t like the people she dated. She realised quickly that she didn’t even want a future with them, she didn’t even allow them to kiss her or touch her. So she figured that if she didn’t want to marry them, what was the point of wasting her time?

For so long, the first thing she thought of when she felt attracted to someone was: can I stand the thought of their touch? Can I see myself kissing them, letting them kiss me? Can I stand the thought of the fights and staying with them through thick and thin? Can I picture myself with them in the future, permanently?

The answer was always ‘no’ and the attraction died immediately after the realisation.

With Dean, the answer was different. Not for some stupid reason, like fate, or the boy-next-door trope. No. This was reality, and the real reason was the fact that she got to see who he was before she was attracted to him.

It was the selflessness, the love in everything that he did, the gentleness of his heart, the kindness that radiated from him, and the ease in the way he did chores, the way he made his friends laugh, his playfulness, the loyalty, the way he was clearly protective.

It was the open windows of her house into his open windows that let her see through him, down to his very beautiful core. It was the lack of hidden things, the openness of his soul because he felt safe, unwatched. It was real because Cas, Jack, and Sam were proof that even though Dean wasn’t perfect, he was worth it.

The Doctor did say once: the good things don’t always soften the bad things, but vice-versa, the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant.

For the first time, she was willing to take a chance.

She smoothed down the silky emerald-green dress. It was pretty, flowing down her body perfectly, stopping at the middle of her calves…. Actually, now that she looked at herself in the mirror, her curls perfectly maintained, the light touch of makeup, the heels… was it too much?

She ignored those anxious thoughts and made sure she had everything she needed and everything that she prepared before stepping out into the cold.

The spaghetti straps didn’t stop the cold, but the heat of her nervousness at least did something as she walked up to his door and waited after knocking gently.

When he opened the door, he was stunned to see her.

“What?” He asked bluntly.

She could tell that the way she was dressed caught him off guard. His eyes moved from her face, up to her hair, back down to the boxes in her hands, and lower to her feet.

“I’ve got pie,” she said the first thing her mind thought of. Yes, it was blunt, yes, it disarmed him further… It was not smooth, but Dean looked behind him, and then he looked at her once more while biting his lip before opening the door wider, and stepping out of the way for her to enter.

She exhaled shakily as he scratched the back of his neck. Out of habit, she slipped out of her heels before stepping inside his home, planting her bare feet on the soft, long rug he had. He kindly, wordlessly, took her heels from outside and placed them on the shoe rack he had inside before shutting the door behind her.

She felt so… warm. Finally, she was inside the place she longed to be in. Right where Dean was. Along the walls there were dozens of pictures, but she didn’t go too far, she waited for him.

She felt his presence behind her and it made her shiver, but she couldn’t bring herself to look back at him. Instead, she stared at photos of him with Cas, Sam, Jack, and other people she hadn’t met. Women and Men. Dean was smiling in all of them. And in a large majority of them, they were looking at him while he looked at the camera.

What a funny thing.

“Here,” he said from behind her, his deep voice sounded soft, gentle, unlike the last time they spoke to each other. It made her shudder. “Let me help.” She slowly braced herself when she turned around, staring into his beautiful green eyes, illuminated magically by Christmas lights.

“Thanks,” she whispered, carefully loosening her grip on the objects in her hand for him to take what he wanted—which was everything.

She stepped to the side when he murmured, “no problem,” and started to walk off to the kitchen. She followed him slowly, took a look around, respectfully, curiously, just when she heard the clicking of nails and the thump of paws on wooden floors, and the bark of his dog headed in their direction.

“Miracle,” Dean grunted, setting everything down on the table, “not inside.” While the fluffy dog did stop its excited running, his enthusiasm was not lost as he wagged his tail, and playfully got down on his stomach in front of her feet. Still on his belly, Miracle approached Y/n slowly, paws and tongue at her toes, as if testing the waters.

“Hey,” she greeted softly as she squatted slowly and laughed quietly, gently scratching Miracle’s head as he nudged her hand with his wet nose, staring up at her with adorably wide eyes—much like Sam did. “You’re so cute,” she cooed, her heart warming up when Miracle barked quietly.

He then jumped up and turned towards Dean, who was watching them—perplexed, happy, conflicted.

“You were asleep,” Dean scolded, but sweetly took Miracle’s head in his hands and kissed him between his ears. Miracle whined and stepped away, sitting in front of Dean as if saying ‘I’ll be good if you let me stay’. “Whatever,” Dean groaned with a smile, which made Miracle happy, because he laid his cheek on his paw and stared up at Dean, resting.

Now, it was awkward.

Dean caught her staring at him, her expression inquisitive. She cleared her throat awkwardly, but she couldn’t form words. She only now noticed that he was wearing a faded black shirt and hotdog pyjama pants.

“So…” Dean began instead, “pie.” It wasn’t any better, but it’s as she always said: it was better than nothing.

“Yes,” she confirmed, “strawberry… you weren’t getting ready for bed…?” She inquired, tipping her chin in the direction of his attire.

“Not to sleep,” he reassured her, taking a few steps toward the cupboards to pull out two plates, glass cups, and then some utensils from the lower drawer. “Why are you doing this?” Dean asked quietly from where he was across the kitchen, everything still in his hands.

“I deserve better that’s why,” she snapped. He blinked at her, guilty, but she paused and took a deeper breath. Careful to not smear her eyeliner, she rubbed her temples instead. She reached behind her to wrap her ankle around the leg of a chair to pull it out and sit down. “Sorry, I don’t like… being angry,” she breathed out, looking out his kitchen window into her dark living room. She switched the Christmas lights off. “It's very stressful because I…” She turned to look at him and forgot her words as he came closer.

He looked cuter in person and prettier, still. Three years and nothing has changed, he still had her heart right in his hand.

“Why?” He pressed, placing everything down on the table in front of her. Looking up at him felt intimidating, so she averted her gaze. He was much older than she was… it made her… feel dumb. See-through. Like he could figure her out in seconds.

“Because I’m friends with your friends,” she admitted without looking at him, then she reached out to arrange the plates, cups, and utensils. He sat down thoughtfully, and watched her unstack the small boxes she brought over.

“You’re doing this for them,” he laid out flatly, but he took a seat next to her and stared at her. His eyes on her made her self-conscious, flustered. She bet he could see everything, all the ugly and the weird in her.

“I’m doing this for me,” she corrected him gently, “I just want to be happy,” she sighed, removing the plastic wrap she placed over the pie she baked. “Is that selfish?” She wondered out loud, taking the knife, she stared at it.

“No,” Dean sighed, wrapping his hand around hers to take the knife. She inhaled sharply at the warmth of his touch, his calloused palms brushing against the back of her hand, sending warmth over her chest, pressing into her wrist with her heart excitedly pounding against her ribs.

She released the knife into his hold, trying to hide how much he affected her, but she doubted she could fully do that with the Christmas lights exposing the blush she could feel on her face. She could feel her veins pumping blood faster, caught up with the heavy beating of her heart. If he looked down at her neck, he could probably see it in her veins.

She looked away, down at Miracle who was still peacefully laying on his belly, and Dean looked away towards the beautiful pie to start slicing into it.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured, taking her plate to give her the first slice. She looked up at Dean, taking the plate with a generous slice of strawberry pie.

“I wanted to be the first to say it…” She complained playfully, trying to maintain eye contact with him, but his beauty was intimidating, forcing her to look away, “soon as my ego stopped being sensitive,” she added.

Dean laughed softly, placing his own slice on his plate. The sound of his laugh made her smile, her stomach flipped with elation, at the crinkles by his eyes. Her breathy exhale made him look at her.

“Well, I’m forty-four, my ego’s been bruised enough times,” he told her, “I don’t care much for it when…” he trailed off and chewed on his bottom lip thoughtfully. She bit her lip, too, trying not to stare too long at his pretty mouth.

“Well, thanks,” she murmured, her jaw twitching as she looked away from him.

“I’d consider all this an apology,” he told her, gazing at her as she opened two rectangular boxes. She smiled, shaking her head. She pulled out a bottle of homemade eggnog along with a decorated jar filled with white frosting, and a small container with crushed peppermint candy. “This isn’t… poisoned, right?” He teased, still watching her while she opened the bottle of rum eggnog, she tilted her head at him, amused. “Just making sure… you did make all this…” he trailed off, impressed.

“Taste the pie,” she encouraged as she started making the drinks.

“You’re just trying to shut me up,” he chuckled gruffly, but he picked up his fork and started to dig in. The strawberry filling barely touched his tongue when he moaned, she watched him not even begin to chew. His brows furrowed and he closed his eyes, savouring the pie.

It made her blush, but she focused on covering the rim of the cups he brought with the whiskey frosting she made and the peppermint candy shavings before filling it with eggnog.

“You made the frosting, too?” He asked, tipping his head towards the jar. His mouth was full, some strawberry filling dripped down the corner of his mouth, but he picked it up with his tongue. She licked her lips, trying to stop herself from breathing airily, and passed him the eggnog with a nod and slid the jar of frosting towards him to serve herself some eggnog.

Dean dipped his finger into the frosting, collecting a large amount before wrapping his lips around his finger to suck the frosting off. She forced herself to look away from how hot he looked and ate her own slice of pie instead.

“I’ve seriously been missing out,” he murmured regretfully. “I was real childish,” he told her, “I never should’ve gotten pissed over… everything-”

“Dean,” she interrupted him, giving him a sheepish smile, “you already apologised and I forgive you. Besides, I did things, too.. on purpose… so, I’m sorry.” She pursed her lips and took a sip from her eggnog, swiping her tongue along the sweet frosting.

“You did things on purpose?” He repeated, a smirk on his face. She breathed out a laugh and nodded bashfully. “Why?” he wondered, leaning into her curiously, subtly moving his plate of food towards her. She considered being blunt, but she chose to test him instead.

“Probably the same reason you got pissed at everything I did and didn’t do,” she laughed, pulling a piece of strawberry out of the pie to put it in her mouth.

“I doubt that,” Dean muttered, picking up his own drink, and taking a large gulp. She eyed him closely, her eyes becoming hooded when he licked across his lips after drinking to collect the thin layer of sweetened alcohol on his mouth.

“What was your reason then?” She wondered flirtatiously, her voice low and seductive. She pushed her plate away with her arm., and mimicked his body language, scooting forward in the chair.

She watched as his eyes darkened and his jaw clenched, his hand tightening around his fork before he dropped it. She’d never quite been stared at that way before, but it suddenly—almost, made her laugh. Her legs felt weak, her stomach heavy, almost fooling her into thinking she couldn’t get up, but she did.

With a rapid heart and shaky knees, she pushed her chair back, and Miracle lifted his head in alarm. Dean leaned back in his chair, sliding his palms up his thighs, and watched hungrily as she lifted her dress up her legs, squeezing in front of him and part of the table to sit on his lap.

“Seems like we’ve both been missing out on a lot of stuff,” she whispered, her stomach fluttering for a variety of reasons, but mostly from excitement. He bit his lip, eyes twinkling as he placed his hands slowly on her thighs. She sank her teeth down on her lip, too, breathing heavily when his hands began sliding up her thighs, lifting her dress higher, and higher.

“You look beautiful,” he whispered, continuing to move her dress up until his hands were wrapped around her hips where he could realise she wasn’t wearing any underwear. “I thought I should tell you, before I ruin you,” he rasped, tightening his hold on her hips.

“Fuck,” she moaned, moving forward in his lap until their hips were pressed together. She brought her hands into his hair, and pulled it gently, bringing her mouth close to his, but she never kissed him. She breathed against his lips and when he leaned forward to kiss her, she pulled back teasingly.

“You’re seriously gonna make me wait?” He whispered, slowly rolling his hips up into her, his hard cock pressing into her wet core. She gasped softly against his mouth and laughed breathlessly.

“You feel good,” she praised, flushing as she ground against him harder.

“I’d feel better inside you,” he smirked, sliding one of his hands farther up her dress, his warm palm flattening up her stomach reverently, stopping beneath her breasts..

“I bet,” she moaned, arching into his touch before finally pressing her tinted lips against his. Dean moaned softly against her mouth, pressing against her hungrily, then lifted her up, carefully moving his plate and cup aside to lay her down on the table.

“Miracle, bed,” Dean ordered when he pulled away from her lips. The dog obediently stood up and excitedly made his way to where Dean’s room was. Dean kissed her once more, drawing her attention away from Miracle and back to him.

She’d never been kissed the way Dean kissed her or touched the way Dean touched her. His hands were everywhere, testing, learning, skillful. He scratched her skin sending sparks down to her already soaked core, kneading her body roughly until she moaned against his mouth. He squeezed her and made her wet. He dug his blunt nails into her and made her nerves ignite. His hands smoothed across her, sailing over her body like she were an ocean and he was a sailor.

He was desperate, devouring her mouth with his tongue and his teeth, putting his all into the kiss, licking her lips, teasing the inside of her mouth, brushing against her warm tongue. He yearned to memorise the taste of her mouth, to feel close to her, pressing and moaning against her the way he’d done when he ate the pie and frosting. He nibbled on her lips, tugging, biting, claiming, taking the air from her lungs and pulling away at the perfect time.

He rolled his hips into her frantically and finally started to move away from her now-swollen lips, the colour of her raspberry tint robbed and replaced by the redness of his kiss.

He dragged his teeth teasingly along her jaw and licked his way down her neck, pressing his stubbled face into her neck, kissing and sucking softly, searching. She rolled her head to the side, giving him all the access he needed, until finally, she moaned loudly when he sucked into her sweetspot. He smiled against her throat, feeling her take handfuls of his shirt, her hips wiggling impatiently beneath him.

He kissed lower still, then back up to the other side of her neck, and bit her collarbones, kissing every inch of her skin, her shoulders and her sternum. She loved every second of it and slipped her hands beneath his shirt, touching and scratching his skin, pulling him closer as he bucked into her bare core.

“Did you know your shirt was see-through when we first met?” He whispered into her cleavage. She laughed and replied with a breathless ‘no’. “Well.. your tits on display, legs bare in those tiny shorts, all pissed as hell… it was hot,” he chuckled, lowering the thin straps of her dress until the top started to reveal her breasts.

“Is that why you jerked off that night?” She asked, gripping his hair and tugging hard. He grunted and laughed, staring into her lustful eyes.

“You saw?” He teased, bringing his hand to her breast, squeezing roughly. “The answer’s yes.. And everytime after that, it was also ‘cause of you,” Dean confessed, “couldn’t stop thinking about you, every day and every night. I thought I hated you, but I guess I just needed to fuck you.”

She chuckled, gripping the hem of his shirt, dragging it up his body as he latched onto her nipple. She hummed softly, tugging hard at his hair, in complete bliss as he wrapped his mouth around the bud, licking, sucking, and biting until she whimpered for him to give her more—which was impossible. He moved onto her other breast, savouring her warm skin with his hotter mouth, tugging her neglected nipple with his fingers, twisting and pinching.

“Please,” she moaned, yanking his hair so he’d pull away. Dean growled against her flesh and bit down hard on her breast, before pulling away, drawing a mewl from her of his name.

“You could be nicer,” he muttered, allowing her to lift his shirt up off his body, but he continued to kiss her breasts, sucking gently around the flesh to leave red marks. He lifted her feet up on the table and pressed her thighs close to her chest, opening her up to admire her soaked sex.

“We’re long past nice, pretty boy,” she teased blushing and biting her lip when he stood up straight. She didn’t look at him, too insecure to watch him as he brought his hand to the inside of her thighs, teasing her vulva.

“You think I’m pretty?” He grinned, circling her entrance, moaning at copious amounts of arousal on his fingers. “So wet… you that needy for my cock inside you?” He asked smugly.

She looked at him now, heat flooding up her face at his obscene words. Before she could say anything about it, the tattoo on his chest drew her attention away from the adorable pride on his face.

“You’re a hunter,” she stated, stunned, blinking at him with a smile. He looked down at himself then at her, speechless. She lifted her hips and hitched her dress up higher to reveal her ribcage where she had the same tattoo, twice as small.

“You’re a professor,” he remarked with arousal on his face, pushing his finger into her. He lowered himself down her body and wrapped his arm around her legs, holding her open as he breathed warmly against her wet cunt.

Before she could close her legs to him demurely, Dean dove in, his mouth hot on her pussy. He ate her out the same way he kissed her, teeth making her whimper, his tongue parting and tasting, picking up the flavour of her wetness as she moaned.

He salivated on her, humming in satisfaction while he sucked her clit into his mouth while he fingered her. Her hands found his hair once more, pulling hard and almost painfully, but his cock jumped each time inside the thin material of his pyjamas. Dean added a second finger as he moaned against her swollen clit, knuckles deep, pressing against the front of her textured walls, drawing silent moans from her, making her squirm more and more.

“Fuck,” she panted, “you’re so good,” she praised, flexing her hand above his head before gripping at the honey strands. He slurped lewdly, devouring her pussy, squeezing her hips desperately holding her close to his face while she pushed him harder against her cunt. “Dean… I’m close,” she moaned, closing her legs around his head.

He moaned again, adding another finger, shoving deep as he circled her swollen clit with his tongue, drawing figures on her clit possessively. She gasped loudly and cried out his name, tensing up when she orgasmed, her walls clamping down on his three fingers. The rapture of her orgasm seemed endless as he continued to tongue at her clit, it made her writhe uncontrollably, and he smirked against her pussy.

Her whiny laugh and the way she squeezed his head to stop him made him chuckle, and he tapped her thigh once he pulled his fingers from within her pulsing walls. She released him, melting into the table while he licked his fingers clean of her release.

“You taste good,” he told her earnestly, “so fucking good.” She bit her lip, giving him a look of disbelief. He narrowed his eyes at her, leaning down to lick a long stripe up her pussy, then down, pushing his tongue past her clenching, wet hole.

“Dean, fucking…” she moaned, “oh, God, why does that feel good?” She snickered, then he pulled away hovering above her. She opened her eyes to his smug face, his clean fingers squeezed her cheeks roughly until she opened her mouth. She furrowed her brows, whining out with her hands around his wrist so he’d release, but she shut up when he spit in her mouth.

“Taste yourself,” he ordered, licking his lips. Her pupils dilated as she looked into his eyes, the tangy taste of herself made her mouth water and she swallowed. “D’you know how hot you are?” He asked rhetorically, kissing her roughly once more, ravenous and stopped only when he felt her hands pushing his pants down his legs.

“I want you, Dean,” she whispered against his mouth, biting his lip before returning the passion of his kiss.

“Where?” He asked teasingly, wrapping his arm around her waist, he sat her up on the table and gently held her face in his hands, before releasing her to strip completely.

“I want you inside me,” she told him coquettishly, hopping off the table to slowly let her dress pool around her feet. “I want to ride you, to feel you stretch me open…” she walked towards him, watching him completely aroused, a look of pleasant surprise on his face, “I want you to fill me up, and make me cum on your cock…” she licked her lips, staring down at his cock, erect and leaking precum. “... I’ve never seen a dick this nice,” she told him, wrapping her hand around the base and stepping closer to him.

He grunted, “suck it then.” She laughed through her nose, releasing his cock to fondle his balls. He moaned, stumbling slightly. “I’ve been wanting to shut you up with my cock in your mouth,” he told her, a smirk on his face, “now, I’m just thinking how pretty you’ll look with your lips wrapped around me.” Dean reached up and curled his fingers around the back of her neck.

She looked behind him, removed her hand, and tipped her head to the chair, “sit.”

“Yes, ma’am,” he grinned, kicking the chair towards him like she had earlier, then he sat, legs wide and tempting. “You’re sexier than you were in my imagination,” he told her, watching her get down between his legs, kissing his thighs while looking up at him through her curled lashes.

“Keep talkin’,” she grinned up at him, taking his heavy cock in her hand once more. Dean gave her a sexy look, smug and aroused.

“I wanna finish in your mouth,” he told her, “want to see you swallow my load.” Pleased, she moved forward and began kissing and licking the length of his cock, teasingly and experimentally feeling the velvety, veiny texture against her hand, tongue, and lips. “I want to hear you choke on my cock, and see what you look like with tears in your eyes as I fuck your pretty face.” She moaned softly, intrigued by the description of his fantasy.

She dipped her tongue into the slit, moaning at the taste of his precum, drooling over the soft head of his cock before sucking him into her mouth.

“Fuck,” he moaned, tangling his fingers in her hair. She slowly took him deeper, pulling him out of her hot mouth teasingly, then swallowing inch by inch of his hard cock. “You’re so good at that, baby,” he panted, letting her take her time at her own pace, but he gripped her hair tightly. “Don’t stop,” he moaned, staring into her eyes as she continued to take his cock, bobbing her head, not stopping until he hit the back of her throat. She swallowed around him, and he bucked his hips up, releasing a whispered curse, attempting to keep his eyes open to watch her suck him off.

She got comfortable between his legs, taking his freehand to put it in her hair. He took her hair, put it together, and waited for her permission before slowly lifting his hips, pushing his cock slowly into her throat. When she gagged, he slowly pulled back, then pushed back into her, lips parted, releasing quick breaths.

Eventually, he started to fuck her face in earnest, lifting his hip up off the chair, pulling her hair hard to guide her on and off his dick. Her spit dribbled down her chin in a mixture of his precum. She swallowed as much as she could, moaning and blinking tears that tickled her eyes and her jaw.

“You look so fucking…” he chocked on a moan, “so damn sexy.”

She ignored the soreness of her jaw, relaxing it as best as she could as he fucked her near mercilessly. Her pussy throbbed with every sound of his pleasure, clit aching for attention at the way he gazed down at her with burning desire, but she refused to touch herself, enjoying the build-up, the desperation for another orgasm, for his touch.

He throbbed in her mouth, turning to mush beneath her mouth. He even began to whimper and moan her name, praises and dirty words becoming scarce in attempts to hold back his orgasm, edging himself with her mouth. It didn’t take long for him to hold her with her nose against his pelvis breathlessly.

He pulled her off his cock, and released her hair to wipe tears tenderly from her hot cheeks with his thumbs, trying to get his mind off the near-pleasure of her mouth around his cock while catching his breath.

“Yummy,” she rasped, pulling a breathless laugh from him. She wiped her chin with her shoulder and smiled up at him, slowly getting up on her knees to get rid of the ache of sitting on her legs.

She got up, leaning back against the table, admiring him in his red, flushed, somewhat sweaty state. His hair was a mess from her hands and he had a blush around his neck to his ears. She knew the hardness of his body accounted for the fact that he was a hunter, as well as the scars she felt beneath her soft hands, bite marks, bullet wounds, and healed slashes.

“Come closer,” she told him and he laughed, bringing himself and the chair closer, stopping when she sat on his thighs, fixing herself over his strong thighs. “Gonna cum if I tease you?” She asked, tapping the head of his cock. It twitched instantly and he moaned.

“Depends,” he replied breathily, sliding his hands up her body. She hummed softly, spreading her legs, positioning his cock near her soppy folds.

“On what?” She cackled playfully, parting her folds with one hand, circling her clit with her fingers. He watched her lustfully, the wetness that made her pussy shine coated her fingers.

“How wet and warm you feel on my cock,” he replied truthfully. He grabbed her hand and moved it out of the way anyway, taking his cock to push it between her folds, pressing the tip against her clit.

“Fuck, Dean,” she moaned softly, grasping his shoulders, “you feel… I need you,” she whimpered, rolling her hips along the length of his cock. He moaned with her, moving her hips closer to him, her wetness coating his cock.

“I’m gonna fuck you so good, sweetheart…” Dean moaned, watching her lean back against the table, positioning the soft head of his cock to her entrance. Completely enthralled, he watched himself slip inside her, and she watched him, biting her lip hard in concentration, the stretch of her walls around him almost painful. “Fuck… I can feel how bad you need me… I need you just as bad,” he panted, flexing his hands on her thighs, desperately trying not to thrust up into her warmth. He dug his nails into her flesh, his head tipping back, his hips rolling up.

“Dean,” she moaned again, starting to lift herself up and down his cock, reaching up to cup her breast. “Shit, you feel amazing,” she breathed out, grinding her hips against his until he was fully inside her.

“You okay?” He asked, one of hands drifting up to knead her breast comfortingly. She nodded, buried her fingers in his hair and brought him in for a kiss as she bent her knees, and tucked her feet in between his thighs.

“I could cum like this,” she mumbled against his lips. His chuckle rumbled through his chest and he shook his head, her pussy clenched at the sound and she started to lift herself up again.

“Don’t worry,” he told her, sucking on his lip momentarily. “I’ll make you cum so hard…” He paused to moan, thrusting up into her slowly, meeting her hip. “...you’ll never want to fuck anyone else,” he promised her, building up the pace of his thrusts until she stopped moving with him altogether, letting him fuck up into her needy cunt.

“You’ll only wanna be fucked by me,” he continued, watching her lean back with her elbow on the table, her hands roaming his warm body, “and I’ll be there, ready to fuck you hard.” He looked over her shoulder, at the jar of frosting. “Pounding into your sweet cunt,” he swore breathlessly, reaching behind her, dipping his fingers to gather frosting, “makin’ you beg, makin’ you impossibly wet.” He smeared frosting over her nipples, over her collarbone, her sternum, until he had no more while she moaned his name needily.

“Makin’ you feel things you’ve never felt before.” He gripped her hip with frosting-coated fingers, leaning forward to lick and suck the whiskey frosting from her body. “I’ll fill you up as many times as you want,” he vowed, smoothing her hand up her back, into her hair once more, pulling until she whined his name. “I’ll fuck you wherever you want.”

Her pussy continued to gush over Dean’s cock the more he talked—his breathless, husky voice taking her over the edge. Each rough pull of her hair made her mewl and whimper as she rolled her hips desperately against his.

“Dean, please,” she whispered, scratching down his back, digging marks into his skin the harder and faster he thrusted into her. Loud skin slapping, the wet sound of her pussy being penetrated, with every push of his cock in and out of her, squelching and driving her crazy. She dug her nails into her palm, making obscene sounds that made her self-conscious.

“I’ll fuck you all over your house, all over mine.” Another moan of his name, another rough pull of her hair. “I’ll fuck you in my car, in your car, anywhere and all over town.” He pulled away from her sticky chest, licked his lips at the sight of her, so she screwed her eyes shut. She felt a warm pool of wetness on her pelvic bone, opened her eyes to him spitting between their bodies, watching his saliva drip down her folds to her clit.

She’d never heard of or experienced sex quite this raw and dirty.

“I’ll make you scream my name, make you forget how to talk, how to walk…” She leaned back into him, panting into his ear, keeping him close while rubbing her clit. He yanked her hair, forcing her to look at him.

“Dean…”

“I’ve wanted you for so long,” he whispered, closing his eyes, he breathed against her lips, “and I want you forever.”

As he promised, she cried out his name when she came, squeezing his cock hard, coating him in her release. He grunted her name, cursing loudly as he came inside her, his hot seed spurting into her, filling her as he said he would.

He circled his arms around her as she writhed once more, releasing her hair as she put her arms around his neck, panting and catching her breath until the pleasure subsided.

“I want all of that,” she murmured after a few moments of silence, kissing his cheek. He squeezed her and moved back, bewildered. He moved hair from her face and tilted his head at her, drawn to her nakedness, her flushed beauty. “First, I want to shower…” Slowly, carefully, she climbed off his lap, her legs shaky, her pussy releasing the mixture of their pleasure.

“That’s a good start,” he told her softly. “Son of a bitch,” he mumbled when he stood up from the chair and looked around at the mess in the kitchen. “No one’s coming home anytime soon… thanks to Sammy…” Dean trailed off, smoothing his hand over his head to fix his hair.

“Thanks to me,” she came clean with a shy smile, bringing his gaze up to hers. His eyes twinkled and he laughed loudly, tugging her towards him again by her arm, his lips pressing against hers.

➥ sempiternal

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seattlesellie · 11 months

Note

hi angel i saw u say you wanted more fluffy ellie requests and i thought about maybe something along the lines of the cute pics she has of you two in her phone idk it’s just something i thought of u don’t have to write it if u don’t want to i just love ur blog and everything u write 💗💗💗💗🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻

not about love ♡

pre-dating slightly loser college!ellie 🦕 incoming !! basically u go through ellies phone and find… something. part 1 of… maybe?

warnings: slightly mean ellie for a second, sexual tension, mentions of weed and alcohol.

part 2

Tic-Toc, the gentle sounds of the ancient clock in Ellie’s room filled the thick air. a gift from Joel. It was a warm, lazy afternoon. You almost fell asleep, almost. Her bed smelled like her, so did the ruffled, Nirvana t-shirt you were laying on. Everything in this room practically screamed Ellie. The scent, the sketches on the wall — of Dina, and Jesse, and you. Why did she have more sketches of you than anyone else? A dinosaur lego, a miniature solar system, obscure band posters, Oh! here’s the pin you gifted her once!, two pairs of mismatched socks, a random rock (“It’s from like, the moon” she said. It was from the local science museum.)

“El” you whined, receiving a gentle hum in response.

“I’m bored” you exclaimed with a heavy sigh. It's not as if she owed you any attention, she told you she had to study. For some reason, some odd reason nor you or her could put your finger on, you had to be there with her. “Well” you excused. “It’s not like I have anything better to do, right?” A lie. What about your project due Monday? Nevermind.

“Catch this” she exclaimed, tossing a serene light blue stress ball directly at your face.

“Ow!” you whined, yet again. If only you knew what those whines did to her.

“Sorry bro, gotta finish this fucking question. She said, flexing her sore hand. “Fuck this fucking Prof, seriously” She mumbled, clearly annoyed, clearly frustrated. Ellie had this thing, well, if you could even call something that she only had specifically with you a “Thing” — where she had to call you by those stupid names. “Dude” “Bro” “Jeez man!” just to see you squirm. Youd flinch ever so slightly, a fleeting reaction that betrayed a hint of offense flickering in your eyes. Every time you couldn’t help but pout, couldn’t help but look a little bit hurt, it did something to her. It wasn’t because she liked hurting you, God knows she didn’t. It would give her a glimmer of hope, of light. Shed journal about it, too;

“I called her Bro again. She looked really sad. Why does she get sad? I’m so fucking stupid. It’s probably because no one else calls her fucking bro, I’m literally delusional. Also had expired fucking Pizza. Worst day ever. Shit. Not that bad because she smiled at batted her eyelashes. God Ellie you need therapy.” YOURE A DUMBASS!!!!”

Half an hour had elapsed, brimming with Ellie muttering to herself under her breath. lighting a blunt, burning the blunt, passing it to you, begging you to give it back after 3 seconds.

You were pretty sure you had gone through every single app on your phone five times already. Stalking rando’s on Instagram, watching ASMR tiktoks, talking shit with Dina in the groupchat. How much more of this boredom could you take? My god, you were humming a stupid melody to yourself.

“Griiiind boy you know I grind when I pull-“

“Shh”

Did Ellie just shush you?!

“Excuse me?” You said.

“I’m trying to concentrate. Also what the fuck is a Fartulum?” Ellie retorted, withdrawing slightly and punctuating her frustration with stomps on the floor. God, she was too fucking cute.

“Can I play on your phone?” You questioned innocently. One more opening and closing the same App and you’d have lost your damn mind. You could practically see the Candy Crush candies popping inside of your brain every time you closed your eyes.

“No” she answered bluntly.

“Why? you scared I’ll find your nudes? Not gonna look- Swear on my li-“

You could hear her eye rolling, somehow.

“I dont have fucking nudes” she affirmed with a touch of exasperation.

“Someone else’s?” you said quietly. Your tone almost exposed you. Almost.

“Psh… no” Ellie said in return, just as quiet. Her tone almost exposed her, too.

Wish I had yours. Shut it, Ellie.

“Then let me go on your phone” You whined, got off the bed and almost slipped on one of her belts that laid on the floor. So messy, so, so Ellie.

She cast a sidelong glance at you, her eyes darting from the corner of her vision. Her grip on the pen was incredibly tight. It happened every time you got near, got too close to her. Whether it was clutching the strings of her hoodie, her knuckles turning white with tension, or her toes curling in a clenched stance. Shed never ever admit it to herself, cool, calm & collected, but fuck did you make her nervous.

You settled yourself on the chair beside her, causing her to divert every ounce of her attention back to her assignment, shifting it solely onto you. You. You. You.

She gazed directly into your eyes, and a peculiar warmth flooded your face. Its funny how even after being friends for all this time, making eye contact with her managed to stir something within you. She asked you about it once, mid fight. “You never even look at me when we talk!” she huffed. “Yes I do!” no you dont. “No you don’t!” and when your lips quivered, turning you in, she left it at that.

Ellie scratched the back of her neck, her arms flexing subtly with the motion. You gave her that look, the look that made her cheeks go bright pink, her hands clam up. She bit her lip. “Fine”. You won, flashing her a toothy smile she couldn’t help but grin at.

And there you were, with Ellie’s iPhone 5C (Yeah, she never got that buying a new iPhone every 2 years phenomenon) laying on Ellie’s bed, in Ellie’s room.

“Ew - Ellie what the fuck? why is your screen greasy?!” You squirmed, fingertips grazing over her slightly sticky screen. Is that fucking chicken nuggets residue?

“Shut up, dude. You asked me for my phone so deal with the consequences”

Dude.

You rolled your eyes, proceeded to wipe the screen of her phone with the corner of her cozy flannel bedsheet. Her phone was really warm. One more month and it would probably set on fire.

“Password?” You questioned, and shifted to lay on your stomach, your cheek caressing the pillow. It had a little auburn colored hair laying on top of it.

Ellie huffed and waited a second before she responded, contemplating again. It’s harmless, fuck it.

“2222”

“Okay, seriously - you could get hacked with that dumbass password”

“Pffft” Ellie huffed. “I’d fucking beat them up if they tried robbing me” she said, ever the brave.

“I’m not… talking about robbers, Ellie. Like, hackers?”

“Same thing”

“You cant beat up hackers they’re- Nevermind” you sighed.

2222.

If the room was classic Ellie, god, so was her phone. Default Apple background, because she truly couldn’t be bothered. iMessage, Instagram with four pictures on her feed; One of her arm slightly flexing her tat (who the fuck was the bitch who commented “damn” under there?), one of a stray cat wearing her grey beanie, a meme that says “Fuck sex. Let’s do something romantic like play Fireboy and Watergirl on CoolMathGames.Com” (God, she thought she was so funny for that one. 6 Likes, one from you, one from Jesse, the fake Instagram account you and Dina created for Joel, her ex Cat, and one from Dina and a spam bot). Next to the Instagram laid the NASA app (of course), Call Of Duty for iPhone (Made her sleep for only fifteen minutes one night), calculator, 9GAG (People still use that?!), and… her gallery.

You pursed your lips, contemplating the situation. Should you?after all, Ellie said; No nudes. So what could possibly be on there?

Of course.

You couldn't contain a soft giggle that escaped your lips, earning an inquisitive whine from Ellie. "What's so funny?" she grumbled, unable to resist her curiosity.

“Said you were studying, so study” You said, while scrolling through her gallery.

As you readjusted your position on the bed, you unintentionally swiped to the left, revealing her albums. Just harmless browsing, right?

“Screenshots”

“Funny memes”

“Pics to send Jesse when he’s being stupid”

“Dhhdjsjsou”

“Stink ❤️”

A picture of you, laying on the grass, a bright, toothy smile spread across your face. It was from your Instagram, the one you deleted because you thought you looked dumb. The one Ellie commented a for once unsarcastic “Woah” on.

The album was locked.

You felt your throat go dry, heartbeat speeding up. Your leg started shaking, and God, you hoped she would come and snatch the phone off of your hand.

But she didn’t. She just shifted in her sit, cleared her throat and resumed her studies.

You shouldn’t have. But you did.

2222

Unlocked. Success!

You felt like screaming at the top of your lungs. Was it even hotter in here now? Extra humid today? you bit your lip, it almost hurt.

A picture of you and Dina. A selfie you sent to the groupchat two weeks ago. Ellie doodled a green heart on it. You were sweating. A picture of you on Christmas last year. That same day you had your stupid fight on. You were wearing a Santa hat, mug of hot Coco and tiny white marshmallows in your hand.

Your stomach felt as if it were infested by a swarm of Ellie looking butterfly’s.

A picture of you sound asleep, in Ellie’s bed. She was mid-moving a hair strand away from your face. It was blurry. You recognized that top.

You were wasted that day. Blabbering uncontrollably about how you had to crash on her bed, because you were scared your new roommate would think you’re stupid, and dumb, and an idiot, for getting drunk at a frat party.

You couldn’t understand why Ellie didn’t want to help you. You almost kicked her when she said she couldn’t, that you’d be better off in your bed. “I snore. And I kick in my sleep - Seriously” You almost cried. You called her a bad friend, a fake one, because — isn’t that what friends are for? Shouldn’t they have your back when you’re a babbling mess? Hold your hair for you, put you to sleep, take care of you?

Ellie couldn’t sleep that night.

When you laid there, right on her bed, her face went so red and hot you could fry something on it. She almost hit herself in the face when her chest grazed your back. When your leg caressed her’s, and ended up on top of her thigh, she almost screamed. When you shifted to face her, an angelic, sound asleep expression on your face, she swore she almost died. The string of your top came off, revealing more of your shoulder, and the strap of your bra, Ellie turned around so fast she almost woke you up.

She slept for 20 minutes.

When she woke up, she had to make herself remember it. Remember you, laying with her.

So she took a picture. An innocent one.

You almost jumped when the pen fell slipped from her hand and she turned around to face you.

“What are you doing?”

Whats in her notes app?

♡

part two

#ellie williams #ellie x reader #ellie williams x reader #ellie williams fanfiction #ellie williams x you #wlw #ellie williams fluff #ellie williams smut #lesbian

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aclowntiny · 11 months

Note

Hello 👋 I really love your writing like very very much 😊 ❤ 💖 if I can request can I ask for Ateez first "I love you " moment?? Like who said it first and the reaction ?? It's okay if you didn't though , i just want to tell you that you're amazing 🤗

Absolutely you can! Thank you so much love, that literally means the world to me 🥰🥰🥰 making things that people enjoy is my number one goal & hearing this is why I keep going 🥹 (also, I want one of those pearl teddy bears so bad 🥺 where's my man at)

First 'I Love You' With Ateez (Gender Neutral)

Hongjoong

It was date night. Nothing fancy, just a night in, but with a boyfriend like Hongjoong, even that was one of the most beautiful evenings you could imagine.

He squared off one of his building's balconies, draping the whole thing in fairy lights. He gathered an assortment of the most delicious hors d'oeuvres he could find, laid them out like art on a little table for you too, and finished it off with some of your favorite dessert from a little corner bakery you two had been dying to try.

You ate, you talked, just catching up on your days and your goals, Hongjoong’s free hand occasionally traveling across the table to run affectionately over the arm you had rested there. It brought a shy smile to your face each time, which brought a proud one to his in turn.

When your meal was finished and your conversation had lightened, Hongjoong rose from his chair, crossing your little paradise to a speaker, which he turned on to play some music. He made his way back to where you sat, stopping right next to your chair and extending his hand.

“May I have this dance?”

How did you get so lucky? “Of course,” you breathe, placing your hand in his.

He pulls you up, steadying you by the small of your back as his other hand slides out to hold yours. The music is soft, intimate as you sway together and gaze into each other’s eyes. Several songs pass like that, each blending into the other as Hongjoong draws your focus, expertly turning and dipping you, even stealing a kiss on one of them.

Finally, as one song ends, he speaks again. “There’s something I want to tell you.”

“Of course,” you whisper, daring not to break the fairy-lit magic of the night.

“I’m so glad you’re mine,” he says, and that’s when you know the magic will never break, not when you’re here with the man of your dreams, “you’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met. My hear, my muse. I love you, (y/n).”

Not a thought is needed before you reply that you feel the same, that you truly are his and only his. If you had any doubts, the smile he gives you shatters them completely, replacing them with the same butterflies he’s always made you feel as he pulls you flush against him. You’re barely dancing now, but neither of you care.

“What a beautiful night,” you gush.

Hongjoong turns, a hand tilting your chin towards him as he leans in all the way. “It’s trying to compete with you.”

Seonghwa

What did Seonghwa do to deserve someone like you? Someone who made him tea, sat with him while he built legos and recorded his ASMR, someone who gifted him with the greatest, most natural and unadulterated laughter accidentally recorded into said ASMR mic, someone who sent him the cutest pictures with encouraging words every day just because he was on your beautiful mind. How lucky.

With you, he felt...light. Euphoric. Like he was shown more and more sides of a big heart every day that you took care of him. And darn it if he wasn't going to be the one to take care of you, too.

He claimed the dorm kitchen, shooed any potential intruders out. Googled all your favorite things, made sure he wasn't missing a single bit of it. Called you and told you to be over for a surprise, that he couldn't wait to see you.

And tell you how much I love you, he wanted to say, but that was to come later. For now, he had work to do.

You arrived just as he finished, making the way toward the kitchen with widening eyes, first at the smell, then at the sight of Seonghwa laying out your favorite meal at the table, which was centered by a vase of your favorite flowers. With an exclamation of endearment you shuffled across the kitchen, jumping into his arms for a big hug.

"I know today was a long day," he told you, "so I wanted to surprise you. Make sure you didn't have to lift a finger for dinner after it all."

"Seonghwa, this is amazing," you breathed, making him smile with the way your body visibly relaxed, "I- I-"

"I love you," both of you said at the same time.

You felt your eyes widen, saw Seonghwa's do the same. Your hands shot up to your face in surprise, fell to reveal the big, gorgeous smile he loved being the cause of. Reaching out his arms once more, he pulled you into his chest, holding you gently there against his beating heart.

"Thank you."

"You're the one who did all this, I should be thanking you," you protested, though you made no effort to leave his embrace.

You feel his head shake on top of yours, the motion ruffling your hair a bit. "No, thank you," he insists, "you've just given me a much better gift. Now, what say we enjoy some dinner, hm?"

Yunho

Yunho knows he loves you when even a text from you changes the trajectory of his day. He knows he loves you by the way you know him so well, remembering every little thing about him. He knows he loves you by the way your smile is the first and last thing he wishes he could see every day.

He knows he loves you, now all that's left is to tell you. He asks you out to a nice dinner, and beyond your pleasant surprise at the proposed fancy outing, you don't seem to catch on to anything special. Yunho's just glad you can't feel how rapidly his heart is beating, even though he knows it's all anticipation. After all, once the decision came to his head, it was as natural as breathing, one of the easiest he's made- it feels right.

You walk into the restaurant dressed to the nines and the sight takes his breath away. It seems to show, and he's glad, because as his eyes land on you you give him the biggest smile, fondness and gratitude already present in your eyes. Yunho wants those things to always stay there when you look at him.

When he tells you he already ordered your favorite appetizer, you clap adorably. When he presents you with the bouquet and the pearl teddy bear, you light up even more, shining brighter than the crystal chandeliers adorning the ceiling.

"Yunho, this is all so wonderful- what is it for?" You finally ask.

He was going to wait until after dessert, maybe even until your goodnight kiss, but he's swimming in the highlights of your eyes and the opulent walls of the restaurant have faded out completely and he can't help himself. The moment is right.

"Because I love you," he replies simply, "no other reason than that."

You take his breath away again, this time by launching yourself half out of your seat and into his arms, crushing him in a hug he's happy to reciprocate. You're both warm, you're both giggling, and your scents are pleasantly mingled as you speak again.

"I love you, too."

Yeosang

Yeosang wasn’t sure what he was doing, but he was sure why he was doing it. Shifting the box in his hands, he reached one up to ring your doorbell.

Your eyes widened at the sight of him standing at your door, but your lips immediately curled into a smile that went straight to Yeosang’s heart. If he had needed any more encouragement, he’d just gotten it. “Surprise!” He exclaimed sheepishly.

Your eyes travelled from his down to the white box he was holding. “What’s this?”

“It’s a surprise,” he teased, “you have to let me in to find out~”

“Oh, right,” you chuckled, stepping out of the way, “I’m sorry. Please, come in, go set it down! I hope it wasn’t heavy.”

Even if it had been, it would have been well worth it. Your adorable look of surprise, the way your home smelled just like you- even if that was weird to say, it was true and Yeosang loved it. Resting the box on your table, he swiveled to face you, to reach for your hands at your sides.

“I wanted to share this with you,” he told you, nodding at the box when you gave him a confused slight frown.

“Alright,” you nodded back, eyes not leaving his, “what is it?”

Fumbling toward the table, his hands found the top of the box. “I hope you love it!” With a proud smile, he unveiled the most beautiful cake you’d ever seen. Pink and white ombré frosting was piped along the top and bottom and dotted with heart-shaped sprinkle. Edible glitter dusted the white top, which had gorgeous calligraphy swirled on top. I love you, the words read.

Your hands just shot up in surprise. “Yeosang, I… this is beautiful. It’s really for me?”

“Well, as long as I get a piece too,” he replied, giggling as he pulled you in closer by your hands, feeling his heartbeat pick up the longer you went without addressing the words, “what do you think?”

You finally peeled your eyes off the cake, and when they fell on him it gave him all the answer he needed, the dull thud within him crescendoing into a soar. Your gaze darted between the loving stare he’s giving you and a bit lower, sliding along his profile eagerly.

“Well, I didn’t prepare a cake, but hopefully this’ll do as an ‘I love you’,” you answered, one of your hands leaving his to find the small of his back, bringing him as close as you could get him as passionately kissed him.

He giggled again when you separated, one of his hands gently playing with your hair.

“You’re sweet,” you whisper, doe-eyed at Yeosang’s affection.

He leans in to press his lips to your cheek. “Speaking of sweet…”

“Yes, we can cut the cake now.”

San

Complete and utterly lost in you- that's the only way to describe how San feels. There are city lights and a gorgeous breeze and the smell of the sea all on different horizons of his little orbit, but they're barely perceptible in the face of your laugh, those eyes that San doesn't know what he did to earn such looks from. All he knows is that he wants to do it again and again in this life and the next.

You're warm at his side, an arm tucked in his as you stroll along the beach, another successful date in the books. You're telling him everything you love about the sea, how powerful it feels to you, how close to the very forces of nature themselves, and all San can think of is how you're describing is how his heart feels in the presence of yours. He can't keep this to himself.

"I know that feeling," he says.

You smile and his heart bursts all over again, his arm tightening just so around yours. Just enough to pull you a little closer.

"Right? The ocean is such a magnificent creation, it's just-"

"No," he shakes his head, "it's something far more beautiful."

Your eyebrows shoot up. "Oh? What's that?"

"You. You're far more magnificent than the sea could ever hope to be, and my heart feels just as drawn to the waves of yours."

Your free hand rises to your chest. "Wow. Is that from a book?"

He shakes his head again. "Just from me to you. Too much?"

"Oh, uh, no," you stutter, an adorable, just-barely-visible in the night's dim light flush dusting your cheeks, "I just wasn't expecting you to get so poetic."

"Neither was I," San laughs, reaching up to pinch your warming cheek, "but being in love makes us do funny things."

"It sure does," you agree, "like this."

Your free hand rises again, this time to smooth his hand over your cheek, holding it there as you kiss him. San releases his grip on your arm to pull you in closer by the waist, wasting no time in returning the passionate seaside kiss.

"No, seriously," he tells you as you pull apart, forehead resting on his, "I really love you."

Your gaze falters a little, but you smile wider and echo his sentiments as his hand finds yours, pressing them in their joined state over his heart.

Mingi

"Don't you want to finish the movie?"

Your whispered words tickle Mingi's cheek and the side of his neck as you lean down to his horizontal form. You two have a love seat to yourselves as Ateez hold their movie night, the film about halfway through now. Mingi, though, has just laid down, his head having drooped against you a few times before he stopped fighting it.

"Mm-mm," he shakes his head against the love seat cushions, snaking his arms against your waist to pull you closer into him, "you're comfortable. Better than the movie."

Having already been half laying down, you surrender, dropping completely to your side to assume the position as Mingi's little spoon. As soon as you've done that, though, he turns you around in his arms to face him, nestling his head in the crook of your neck and shoulder. Warmth rises to your cheeks at the feeling of his breath, leading you to exhale in a little chuckle as you reach around to hold Mingi, too.

"Well, good night, then," you tease, tilting your head to close your very tiny gap with a peck on his lips.

"Good night. I love you."

You briefly stiffen in his hold, leaning back to see if he's fallen asleep already, just saying whatever in his stupor. The moment you scan him, though, his eyes open wide, one falling shut in a wink. Suppressing a giddy laugh, you just smile, settling back down and snuggling even closer to him.

"I love you, too, Mingi."

Wooyoung

The stars hang high in the sky and everyone is fading fast save for Wooyoung and you, his other half. His better half, if you ask the rest of Ateez. The one who manages to simultaneously pump him up and calm him down.

Except right now, there's no calming him down-it's the last song of the night, but despite its many predecessors, your boyfriend is as hyped as if he'd just picked up the microphone. Grinning, you glance at the screen, expecting a party song, so surprise flits across your face when you see Wooyoung choose a song from a musical. He points at you with a wide smile, beginning an ostentatious, goofy comedic love song that has the other seven guys cringing and groaning.

You for your part just pick up a microphone and give it right back to your boyfriend, matching every sweep of his arm, finger heart, and ridiculous miming gesture as if you two had coordinated. He turns it into a skit, your singing melting into a very corny sung conversation that has your audience shaking their heads in amused exasperation. Only those two, you see their mouths saying, and that gives you a rush of joy. They may be embarrassed, but to you, it shows you that there's something special about you and Wooyoung.

He feels it too, clearly, as he grabs you and dips you the moment you finish your thought, sending a chorus of cheers soaring over you two.

"That was so much fun," he leans down toward you.

"It was," you agree with a big smile, gazing into his eyes.

"We play so well together," he continues, leaning even further.

"We do," you all but sigh, anticipation fluttering in your eyelashes.

"I love you." Your noses are almost touching now.

A fiery wave of joy crashes over you and you can't help yourself any longer, your hand finding the back of his head to tangle in his black locks and pull him all the way into you. Even more tired exasperation and mock-disgust sounds off around you, but beneath the dim purple light of the room and the dreamy red haze cresting your heart, you can't care less. They get a show.

"I love you, too," you whisper as your lips separate, Wooyoung's hand on your back gently raising you to your feet, where he wraps both arms around you.

Jongho

"Thank you for agreeing to this," Jongho says, turning to face you, to get a look into your eyes.

"Agree to this?" You snort. "You make it sound like some sort of procedure, not a date."

A smile rises to his lips. Alright, he'll give you that one. It did sound a little funny. "Well, not everyone enjoys going on hikes."

"With you, someone could sit us down and read us the phone book and I'd still have a good time."

Jesting as they are, something about your words strikes a cord deep within Jongho's fluttering chest. They're playful, but they boil down to a very specific essence what your presence is to him: comforting, the highlight of his day, easy, the joy of being in his element no matter what the situation, what went wrong, simply because it was you.

Should he say something?

"Well, come on!" Before he can, your fingers are intertwining with his, pulling him forward along the trail. Laughing, he picks up the pace behind you, stopping just as suddenly when you reach the trail sign and take a selfie with him.

Life with you is an adventure. Ugh, that sounds corny, Jongho thinks, but it's so true and he has to admit he loves it. No, not it. You. He loves you.

The hike is quiet, peaceful for the most part. Every now and again, one of you will point out a butterfly or a bent tree, stop to take a picture, crack a joke. No pretense, just the bracing air, the sunshine, and your hand in his. Jongho's heart is beating a little faster, but you aren't on a strenuous enough trail for him to play that off as exertion.

Soon enough, you reach the top, the trail bottoming out into a meadow of waving grasses dotted with adorable little wildflowers. Jongho stops to take it all in, but you run headfirst in, frolicking like a deer set free, and he can't help but smile and give a fond shake of his head as he follows you. When he reaches you, you've picked a mini bouquet of the tiny pink and yellow flowers, holding it so gingerly, clearly having the time of your life if your expression of pure joy is anything to go off of. Once again, it's like cupid's arrow is shooting straight into his heart.

"Isn't it cute? ...Jongho?"

He'd been staring off into space. Heck, he still is. You're not used to the dreamy look in his eyes, and it still feels new to him, but it takes him over anyway. "I love you."

Your jaw drops. "What?"

He blinks, snaps out of his love-drunk state a little, but all that does is return the words to his chest with a new fire. "I love you," he says, this time more loudly, firmly. Proudly.

You giggle, clutching your flowers a little tighter, still a bit giddy yourself. "And somewhere so beautiful, too?" Your eyes are shining more than ever, full of more love than Jongho had ever seen them shoot his was. "I love you, too. So much!"

The moment you turn around, he's ready to catch you, pulling you up from your hug until your feet lift off the ground and you give a little squeak of surprise. It's all a little corny, a little sappy, and yet as your foreheads, and then your lips, meet, all Jongho can think is how perfect it all is, how all he wants is to feel you in his arms.

#ateez #ateez imagines #ateez reactions #ateez x reader #ateez scenarios #hongjoong #seonghwa #yunho #yeosang #san #mingi #wooyoung #jongho #gender neutral reader #fluff #requested #hope you love it sweetie 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻#I'M amazing??? UNO REVERSE CARD NO YOU

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doradotcom · 6 months

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DREAM BLUNT ROTATION:

master wu

karuna asmr

best.dressed

my high school history teacher

charlie kelly

river song

abby lee miller

hanna marin

david cronenberg

clone of myself

alisha marie

amy dunne

my cat

peter capaldi

ldshadowlady

brittany broski

da vinky brothers

shaggy

thom yorke

croissant from the lidl bakery

wendy williams

princess carolyn

laszlo

laurenzside

willa succession

jon from garfield

mitski

dale cooper

george costanza

patrick stewart

needy lesnicki

miss piggy

the thing from the thing (1982)

lindsey lohan

what does the fox say guy

paul atreides (from the book specifically)

gerard way

andie anderson

priest from fleabag

thumbelina

brundefly

adrianne lenker

jennifer coolidge

ash williams

jason sudeikis

nicholas cage

lana

groucho

kyle from south park

channing tatum

maren bones and all

chucky

glenn howerton

nicholas hoult

eliza scanlen

squidward

lucy lego movie

charlie day

log lady

archie andrews

sza

10th doctor

emma watson

david cronenberg's ex wife

buffy summers

the blair witch

katherine heigl

woodstock from snoopy

viggo mortensen

sandy cheeks

hozier

kyle maclachlan

hamster from bolt

megan thee stallion

batman

the mountain goats (all of them)

dylan dog

garfield

jeremy fragrance

lip gallagher

fireboy and watergirl

#few would understand.......

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sl33pybug1 · 2 months

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Tips for when your having trouble regressing!!

Make yourself a snack!! Before trying to regress and I’m still feeling big I try to make myself something small to eat, it’s nice to have something on hand. Also having a drink in a cute water bottle or sippy/bottle

Turn on your TV!! Watching a show like my little pony, SpongeBob, or a movie (care-bears is a favorite of mine as well) and if you don’t want to watch Tv YouTube kids is great.

Art!! Whether it’s coloring, painting, or just crafting in general it helps me decompress a lot. But make sure it’s something not to complicated or something that’ll frustrate you to do. Journaling is also a good thing that lots of littles do!

Playing with toys!! I have a small Lego set that I use a lot, and fidget toys. It’s hard to get access to things sometimes especially if your not open about your regression but there are lots of cheap alternatives :)

Bubble bath!! If you have a bathtub then this one is perfect, nothing helps me feel more little then playing in the bath. Some people like toys, or bathbombs but honestly it works about the same without the fancy stuff. But make sure your bathtub is CLEAN before taking a bubble bath.

Naps!! This one really takes the cake for me. Putting on lullabies and dimming the lights while snuggling with my stuffie and soft blankets help me a lot. Sometimes if I’m having a really hard time I’ll listen to ASMR and that helps me right away most times. (ComfortAudios is amazing and everything is SFW, check out there green stories!!)

Thank you everyone!! I hope this helps:)

Link to this on my TikTok

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTLRjPGeW/

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truthem · 1 year

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How I immerse myself in Korean and Spanish

한국어 (Korean)

I think I’m doing so good in Korean because I’m constantly watching things in Korean and exposing myself to the language.

1. K-pop

I’m such a big K-pop fan and it really helps my learning process. If I didn’t enjoy K-pop I don’t think Id be able to comprehend half of what I can today.

I watch a lot of “vlogs” from my favorite idols. (My fav to watch are LE SSERAFIM’s vlogs, they’re just really easy for me to understand and entertaining at the same time).

ATEEZ is always doing something and they’re my ult group so I’m just constantly watching them. Recently though I haven’t been watching their stuff so I have a lot to catch up on 😅

The music makes no sense to me because obviously song lyrics aren’t written in conversational everyday Korean so I don’t even really count that as listening comprehension. Every now and then I’ll catch a word I know and get shocked though 🙏

I used to watch V-lives or whatever they’re called now a lot but I can’t focus for that long anymore. (박성화 has the best lego lives)

2. K-Dramas

I don’t watch as many dramas as some people but I feel like they’ve definitely helped me get used to listening to Korean.

I try not to take any phrases or vocab from dramas because it’s a drama… and they’re dramatic 😭

I started watching Business Proposal like a month ago but I got distracted with exams and I stopped watching it with 2 episodes left… (SPOILERS: istg if 하리 and 태무 don’t stay together I’m giving up on everything)

3. Korean Cartoons

I LOVE Learn Korean with Jadoo. I barely understand any of it but it’s helped me a lot with understanding how certain grammar points are used and how certain words are used.

I also like watching Peppa Pig in Korean because the episodes are short and sweet and they’re relatively easy to understand.

I used to watch We Bare Bears in Korean but I watched like every episode they had on YouTube so now I’m rewatching in Spanish. (I genuinely love We Bare Bears, it’s always been the best cartoon out there)

4. Korean News

I like to read a lot of Korean news to help with pronunciation and reading comprehension. It also allows me to find some more specific vocabulary that I would use in describing what I do, what I like, and what I want to do in my future because I can find real stories that are specific to my interests.

5. ASMR

Soy ASMR and Seonghwas ASMR videos have been single-handedly holding my life up. Judy ASMR is also a really good creator. I like to watch like roleplay ASMR like “friend does your makeup for a party” or whatever because it exposes me to more casual vocabulary.

Español (Spanish)

1. Classes

I do take Spanish classes at school so I get over and hour of Spanish immersion in while at school everyday. We mainly use Spanish in the classroom.

2. Spanish Documentaries

I’m a bit more advanced in Spanish than I am in Korean so I prefer to watch Documentaries as to cartoons.

Documentaries also interest me more than cartoons in some aspects like learning more about different latin cultures, hearing different accents and dialects, and learning about how other people live.

3. Cartoons

I only really watch We Bare Bears in Spanish because I just like the show, but sometimes Spanish feels like a chore to me or like I’m just learning it to pass a class at this point, so cartoons are a good way to just casually comprehend the language.

4. Spanish News

I found this really good Spanish news for kids website and it’s so incredibly helpful. I’m in the process of making a “Spanish Resources” blog post like I did with Korean so I’ll definitely link that there.

I read the articles out loud to help get more comfortable with speaking, reading and my pronunciation.

They also have a podcast that’s just like a read aloud of the article so after I read the article, I go and listen to the podcast.

The topics are really interesting, too. Like one of them was about this lady bringing her pet pig to the airport to help calm people down??? I wanna go pet a pig wdym????

6. Spanish music

There are no words in the English language to express how much I love Spanish music.

It’s literally just so beautiful.

In class we have broken down various songs, so I can understand music very easily unlike in Korean even if I have to think about the lyrics for a bit.

7. Spanish YouTube videos/ASMR

I watch a lot of “un día en mi vida” type videos and I love ASMR so I watch a lot of those. 🙏

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stilljuststardust · 3 months

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Tools for emotional regulation

This is specifically things I do for end of day decompression. I take an hour and I do different things off this list till I'm relaxed.

I understand that alot of these are "basic" but it's less about what you do and more so about taking time to care for yourself and ne present in your body in ways that feel safe.

I've broken this down in to categories of self soothing.

Environment

A calming environment is beneficial for obvious reasons so here's things I do to feel more safe in mine.

1. Turn off over head lights and uses LEDs, candles, or lamps instead

2. Noise cancelling headphones

3. Phone off

4. Christmas lights for some reason

5. Someplace to sit that isn't your bed (you can put pillows and blankets on the floor if need be)

6. I usually cleanse (witchy, may not be your thing)

7. Protection spells on your room specifically (witchy, may not be your thing)

8. Stuffies

Stimming

If you don't know what stimming is it's stimulating your senses as a form of self soothing. It's ok to move your body in "weird" ways, make odd sounds, or look for sensory experiences you find comforting. Nobody is watching, there's no one around to judge you release the feelings! I usually windmill my arms, rock back and forth, hum/sing, jump, etc. Anything you want.

It's actually really important to set aside time for stimming! You don't realize how important it is until you do it! It's scientifically proven to be harmful (particularly for autistic people) not to stim. It's really hard to unlearn suppressing it, so giving yourself a safe place to do so where you don't have to worry about what people think is important.

Sensory Seeking

Using tastes, textures, sounds, and visuals you like as a tool for self soothing is extremely powerful. This can look like so many things. I personally use perfume. I find certain scents incredibly calming and when I have them on I take deeper breaths because of them so it's a win win.

Other sensory examples:

1. use slime/clay

2. Touch fabrics you enjoy (like ultra soft blankets)

3. Listen to soothing sounds like music, rain, or ASMR

4. Drink a hot drink like tea or hot cocoa

5. Take a warm shower

6. Heating pads

7. Compression (weighted blankets/stuffies work great)

8. Stim boards

Clear mind

Sometimes you just need to get your feelings out. Having an outlet where you just express how you feel without worrying how it's perceived is important!

1. Journal (it's important to write like no one will read it cause they won't, unless someone will lol)

2. Sit outside or by a window

3. Write your doubts on toilet paper then fucking flush that shit to the sewers where it belongs.

4. Draw your feelings

5. Scribble non sensically

6. Scream into the void

Inner child time

It's time to kick internalized shame to the curb. What does your inner child want right now? If you were a kid again what would you do? It isn't wrong to do things you would've loved as a kid. It's important actually. What can you now do that you wish you could've done as a kid?

This one is incredibly individual cause I don't know what your inner child wants I'm just giving out ideas.

1. Play with slime, clay, kinetic sand, or play doh

2. Draw

3. Play with toys (have no shame)

4. Color

5. Legos

6. Read

7. Write a story

8. Make a "potion" (don't mix chemicals though)

9. Play with shaving cream I know you want to

10. Build a fort

11. Fluffy pajamas

12. Dance

13. Preform for stuffed animals

14. Barbie soap opera

15. Rewatch comfort shows

#autistic things #shifting antis dni #shiftblr #self regulation

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sexyyounglatinoboy · 4 months

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hi uglies I’m back !!!

not that I actually ..have anyone waiting but I’m bored and ye so enjoy daniel headcanons bc I said so :D

also a lot of these r self inserts lol b aware 🦄

- definitely a slime enthusiast. his fav is fluffy or crunchy slime

- also loves putty. he makes esteban buy a shit load of crazy aaron putty and collects them all

- POKEMON!!!!!! u cannot tell me this kid isn’t absolutely IN LOVE with Pokémon. definitely dressed up as ash ketchum for Halloween once.

- watches asmr videos before he goes to sleep. could be the weird roleplay ones or regular soap cutting or slime

- favorite video game franchise is halo. shut up

- he would be a little embarrassed but would totally like playing with mlp ponies idc

- (hides them when people come over)

- sorry but he likes voltron idc (he def has a crush on allura)

- owns all the voltron figures and toys

- legos. he has so many u can’t even count. many of the sets laying around his room

- definitely into star wars and thinks it’s the coolest thing ever

- he is a bit girly :333 fav color is purple or light blue

- shopkins and lps. his fav lps gen is 2 or 3 & with shopkins its obv all the older ones

- if esteban allowed it he’d def be a twd fan. fav character is carl since he thinks that’s how he’d be in an apocalypse..

- he plays mario kart for hours but still sucks loolol. his main is yoshi but occasionally switches to king boo or dry bones

- as we know……minecraft. but is literally only good at pvp/mining. Like he SUCKS at building it’s hilarious. He would have a square dirt house the entire time.

- eats pizza with ranch. idk don’t ask it’s just true

- into marvel and dc. obviously.

if u haven’t noticed alr..he is my fav🐺🐺🐺 anyways I haven’t played in months so I will prob get back on da grind 4 the 2nd time😅

baiiii that is all I got!

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yeoyeos · 2 years

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Seonghwa as a boyfriend [fluff,smut]

warnings:fluff and smut are separated so you have choices,name calling[little one,mommy,daddy,slut,baby],jealous hwa,harddom!hwa,softdom!hwa,sub!hwa,hwa gives you head,guess who has a breeding kink

lmk if i missed anything

fluff -

alr cares for you like you're his

he's always been so sweet to you

if you get a slight scrape he's there with a band-aid

if you're sick he's there with warm porridge even if you hate it

if you're confessing your love for him he's there doing the same

takes things slow 100%

wants to make sure you're both comfortable with each other

always shares his feelings with you

and encourages you to do the same

doesn't want to be in the dark and guessing how you feel

tell him every single little detail about you and your life and he'd remember

he's like san and takes you on the best dates

every detail you told him would be put into the dates

if its a private date you'll be hearing all your favourite songs the

whole time

he wears your favourite colour on your dates and anniversaries too

adores amusement park dates

they're cute and fun so he's going with you any chance you get tbh

tries new snacks with you all the time

mostly crunchy ones so he can eat it for his asmr

which you will be doing with him

when he just wants to do asmr stuff for fun at least

and please buy him legos

he'd marry you right then and there tbh

he'll be so happy to get legos

and he's making you build it with him

you also have to buy matching pyjamas of course

like the patrick one he has

you get spongebob

any cute matching pyjamas tbh

or matching star wars pyjamas

which means you're going to wear it while you binge star wars

it's a yearly tradition

every year he'll make time to watch star wars with you

one movie everyday

he's so cute i swear

he'd do ALL of your hobbies with you

even if he doesn't like it

as long as it doesn't concern really high heights

he's okay with it

accepts you no matter what

and he loves to take a million selcas and show you

"choose a couple to show atiny"

and of course you're his professional photographer

he'd give you shirts and signs so you can cheer for him during stages or from home

always hype him up it makes him want to do better always

and always encourages you to talk about your feelings with him

or one of the guys

won't get upset if you spend a lot of time with them tbh

he'd be happy that you're getting along

but if you get him jealous enough

yikes

smut -

he'd pull you aside and whisper in your ear

"such a slut huh? flirting with my members"

he'd whisper it so sultry that it'll make you shiver

apologize all you want

he'll ignore it and tease you until you're in private

then, like the angel he is, he'll tease you more

until you beg him to do something

the way this man fucks omg

everything he does depends on his mood

if he's jealous it's rough and teasing

he's gonna torture you until you're begging and pleading

"please forgive me sir im sorry for being a slut and flirting with wooyoung, i'll never do it again"

fuck you till you shake

ofc he knows you'll never actually purposefully do that but a little pretending never hurt anyone

no less than 2 orgasms

but if he's soft

OH IF HE'S SOFT

he'll just want to please you

you can fuck yourself on him at your own pace

he'll eat you out/suck your tits

gives you so many kisses

like everywhere

hickeys ofc no matter what

praises you to the high heavens

"so so pretty little one, so good for me"

so so so nice to you no matter what

and if on the rare chance you get to dom him

HE WILL BEG

he begs for his life i swear

definitely a pillow prince

for sure likes to be spoiled

you can degrade him but pls be sweet

he lives for praise too

AND BREEDING KINK

domming or subbing he has a breeding kink

there's 3 ways it can go

"gonna breed this prefect little hole and you're gonna take it all like a good slut"

"shit baby can i cum inside? you feel so good"

and you cannot convince me he won't call you mommy or daddy if you dom

"mommy/daddy can i please fill you up? wanna cum inside you so bad"

AND THE AFTERCARE

okay first of all i think hwa is the best at aftercare out of all of them

so he's definitely all "here's some fruits" and "here's some water"

keeps a close eye on you to make sure you're okay

especially if he went hard to you

and pls do the same for him when he needs it

run him a bath and give him reassuring kisses

he's a sweet strawberry

ateez masterlist

masterlist

#ateez fanfic #seonghwa scenarios #ateez smut #seonghwa smut #ateez scenarios #seonghwa fluff #seonghwa imagines #ateez fic #ateez fluff #yeoyeos' works #ateez imagines #yeoyeos' anon req

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imagine-a-life-like-this · 10 months

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OK OK OK I THINK IVE GOT IT

hongjoong: the captain (leader), short

seonghwa: oldest, the mommy--i mEan mom, ASMR dood, baby shark, toothless

yunho: the hype boy, puppy, twerked over yeosang

mingi: tall, a lil embarrassing, hot

yeosang: (possibly my bias) quiet, "don't move your tongue, seonghwa", cute birthmark

san: bro shares the same surname as me 🥰, i thought he was a rapper oops, part of 'the demon line'

wooyoung: he bites, friends with yeonjun and changbin, squeakiest laugh ever 💀

jongho: also shares the same surname as me!, has the same mbti as me, the guy who hits high notes while splitting apples, maknae, normal

I DID SO MUCH RESEARCH YESTERDAY

🐯

You really had to do my man like that huh 😭😭😭😭 like you're not wrong, Joongie is short but damn 😭😭😭

You got them down pretty well. Only things I'd add is Seonghwa also loves Star Wars, Lego, and Animal Crossing. Yeosang is a clueless baby which is why he's always quiet. He just doesn't know what's going on. And Jongho isn't normal. He just seems normal. Then you get to know him 💀

#ask #🐯 anon

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nxcrofancy · 1 year

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WATCHED SKINAMARINK WITH MY BOYFRIEND YESTERDAY HERE ARE MY THOUGHTS CHRONOLOGICALLY

-the name is super fun to say

-okay bitches was correct this is so house of leaves-y im honestly living for it.

-OKAY AMBIENCE

-the counting at the beginning gave me an asmr response and i was like WAIT THIS IS HORROR NOOO DONT RELAX

-ambience is so good im literally looking in the darkness and graininess to see Something

-nostalgic is the scariest way dawg

-alex kister fucking wishes he could

-where is this little tellyphone

-OKAY JUMPSCARE....

-theres so many Things like lego and cartoons stuff that i wanna check release dates and he like "UM ACTUALLY 🤓" but im not a buzzkill

-seriously this is so house of leaves. i firmly believe everyone should have to read house of leaves before making or consuming any horror bc it just elevates everything sooo much

-i love that they don't actually show any of the "spooky stuff" good decisions made

-EVEN THE CARTOON IS DOING THE BROKEN REALITY, PAUSING/DISAPPEARING RHATS SUCH A COOL DETAIL TO INCLUDE

-SUBTITLES AS A PLOT RELEVANT WAY OF COMMUNICATION TO THE AUDIENCE (the "utility knife clicking" esp such a considerate and consise thing to include because most people might not realize exactly what noise is what)

-the storytelling throughout has been GREAT even though nothing is like. clearly stated yk. really good audio and visual storytelling and like. development of character without having a whole lot of dialogue

-overall the film was fucking fantastic that was literally art. so much attention to detail.

#skinamarink 2022 #skinamarink #horror #experimenta horror

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samueloneworldproductions · 1 year

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Introduction

Samuel Klinger

26 Years Old

Worcester, Massachusetts

Singer-songwriter

YouTube/Twitch Content Creator (samueloneworldproductions)

Lover of all things positivity, love, support, movies, tv, music, games and ASMR

I'm autistic as well :)

favorite movies are Star Wars, Jurassic Park, Baby Driver and anything Pixar and MCU

Favorite shows are Survivor, Big Brother, Hell's Kitchen, Avatar, Friends and The Walking Dead

Favorite music genres are pop and country but I love all kinds of music genres and can write in any genre

Favorite games are Life Is Strange, Kingdom Hearts, Ratchet & Clank, Resident Evil, LEGO Games, Uncharted and Batman Arkham

always love making friends and getting to know people, if you ever wanna chat or need some positivity in your life, my inbox is always open :} :}

#intro post #movies #films #TV #music #singer #singer songwriter #games #streamer #twitch streamer #youtuber

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tenderbittersweet · 1 year

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When I was a struggling, traumatized teen, every adult in my life told me to move on, let it go, put it down. And every time I'd beg them to tell me how, no one had an answer. They'd tell me, "It'll just happen. You just have to do it." But when? But how? They'd say, "You just will. You just have to." Just just just. They really made "just" do a lot of heavy lifting. Well, I won't torture you or anyone else about the hows. Happiness, peace, and recovery shouldn't be an indecipherable secret. Here's how I did it:

Fill your time up in new ways

🗝: Get a hobby. Collect shells, bird watch, board games, book club. Find a friend who likes those things too. Find twelve. Find a place to put your attention that isn't a screen. (This is what people mean when they say "touch grass." They mean do something tactile.)

🗝: Make something. Cook, bake, sew, weld, knit, write, paint, building blocks, Legos. Show yourself that you have the power to create something, even if it "sucks." Because you are not broken. And if you feel like you are, you are able to make something new and unique, and there has never ever been anything like the thing you made and there never will be anything like it in existence again.

🗝: Do something active. As absolutely exhausting and cheesy and fake as it sounds, lying in bed or laying on the couch leaves you with nothing to do but obsess. I've legitimately gotten up from my bed while sobbing to take a walk around my block because I knew that's what I needed to do. Your bed will be there when you get back. Make your body do the stuff you know it can do.

🗝: Fill your head with new thoughts. Watch a new show, a movie, play, listen to slam poetry, listen to a new artist, check out a podcast. Your brain will love having something new to work with. Your brain will create new neural pathways, which will help you emotionally and mentally.

🗝: Don't look back. This doesn't mean never think about your past. It means to stop saying "would/should/could" when you do. It already happened. It can't be changed. Shaming yourself won't make anything different. You don't have to like it. It's okay to be angry and hurt.

🗝: Learn to emotionally regulate. This mean to stop self-harming. And there are so many ways we hurt ourself that isn't cutting. Stop staying up so late that you have no energy the next day. Stop letting yourself be too cold on purpose when you go out in the winter. Stop taking showers that burn your skin. Stop biting your nails until they bleed. Instead: squeeze playdough, get a fidget cube, pop bubble wrap, tear up paper, punch a pillow, scream into a pillow, ground yourself, call someone, scribble.

🗝: Leave toxic people behind. It's better to be totally alone than surrounded by people who hate you and mistreat you. You don't owe them an explanation. You're allowed to ghost shitty people. We often echo those around us. You'd be surprised how changing your conversation partner can infinitely lift your spirits. Being with friends shouldn't fill you with dread.

🗝: Let yourself rest. This can be scary because it means being a lone with your thoughts. But there are workarounds. Lie down and listen to music. Take a shower and listen to a podcast. Lie down and listen to an audiobook. Lie down and listen to ASMR. Go to a public place and people watch and listen in on conversations. Lie down and watch YouTube or TikTok. Lie down and scroll social media. For these last two, give yourself a time limit or restrict which tags you scroll to be positive, funny, aspirational, and/or educational. This isn't the time to doom scroll or to intentionallyl digest triggering material.

Disclaimer: I'm not a doctor or a healthcare provider. I'm just a person who's gone through years of one-on-one therapy, as well as CBT, DBT, and ACT group therapy. I've done a lot of healing and soul-searching. It is not a linear process. You will fuck up, and it will suck when you do. It's a matter of continuing to try, even if it feels pointless, stupid, or cringey. Let yourself try something new. Let yourself make mistakes. Find something new to love. Learn to love, or at least support, yourself. I really hope this helps. 💛

#mental illness #mental health #recovery #trauma #therapy #self esteem #self acceptance #self love #self care #personal #op

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one-edgy-bitch-was-taken · 2 years

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Random things I can't handle/stand as a neurodivergent person that I can't explain in a neurotypical way so I assume it's because I'm neurodivergent

1. Feeling of thick rubber gloves, those used for cleaning at home, that have one size that's always too big. Latex ones are okay, thin rubber similar to latex ones are also fine, thick rubber is not.

2. Wet thick rubber gloves. Spare my poor brain the suffering of feeling the sensation of this ungodly abomination.

3. I physically cringe and get extremely uncomfortable when I read a nsfw post and I read the word "folds" instead of pussy lips. Scratches my brain in the worst way. Not quirky, not fancy, just disgusting to my brain, just like went thick rubber gloves. (Did I start this entire list only because of this point? Yes, yes I did. Who's idea was this? I haven't seen this phenomenon anywhere outside of tumblr. And I've been even on wattpad, are you guys like, okay? Do you have a desire to be FOLDED like laundry or something? Or did someone just go "I want him to fold me in half~" and someone else was like stoned or something and went "guuuurrrrrrrlll but like... You already have folds down there." And the first person was like "you're a genius I'm gonna use that in my smut!" Or???????) I don't get uncomfortable when you call like the belly folds folds because you know, you actually fold there, it's logical, your skin folds there. But your private parts don't fold that's a hole, that's a hole, those are lips, why call it fold when there is already multiple okay names for it? Pls I'm begging you. I don't need sleep I need answers, who is behind this, I want names. Whoever started this visual sensory hell for me, I hope you step into water in your socks, then you take them off and step on a lego with your bare foot. (Take this light heartedly even though I burn with a raging hate for this term when referring to pussy lips)

4. Physical contact, but only in specific circumstances. Unwarranted physical contact if I haven't stated I'm absolutely comfortable with you, makes me uncomfortable. Even from my own family. Funny enough if I touch someone it's not a problem, so if I pick up my little cousin because she wants to be carried as a bride it's not a problem, if she later grabs my wrist trying to get my attention, I get uncomfortable. If we're not talking every day, and I don't consider you one or my "dearest friends" ask if you can touch me, I accept hugs tho. If I did tell you you are one of my dearest friends, you're good.

5. Loud music/noise unless it's music/noise I enjoy. I was forced to a concert of my mother's friend and I hid in a tree covering my ears because I was in immense pain and it was way too loud, when I was to a skillet concert it was fine after like the first song. If you play the TV too loud as well I will have the indescribable urge to scream while covering my ears. I was at a skiing trip with school and had to be for a bit at a "dance" in one of the smallest rooms in the resort with way too many people and way too loud music and I was just sitting there folded in half on my chair covering my ears, teachers didn't do shit, had to leave to my room because I was overstimulated. But I give brownie points to my classmates who didn't realize I was neurodivergent and who tried to help me join the dance party by asking if changing the music would help me get more comfortable. They tried to be nice. The DJ refused to turn the music down a bit tho so...

6. Sticky/oily and especially the unholy mix of the two. Sensory hell, I don't have a story for this and I don't have to it's just evil.

7. Silence. Silence can be handled only when I'm overstimulated. If not, silence must be filled with noise, even white noise. It's just undestimulating. Even when I go to sleep I need noise so ASMR it is, my mother helped created my inability to stand silence by sometimes silent treatment and the fact that since she stopped reading to me at a young age she started playing me prerecorded fairy tales celebrities read on CDs therefore making silence especially at night something alien to me.

8. Changes in temperature. If it's going out and it's cold, sure, if you open a window unit winter and leave it open making the room cold, I hate you, it's overstimulating, I can't focus on anything else then "I am now cold when I SHOULDN'T BE" and I'm filled with the divine rage that wishes you to follow the opening of the window with jumping out of it so we can close it without you bitching that there "isn't enough air" even though you had the window opened at least 10 minutes each. Fucking. Class. We. Had. The. Entire. Day. While outside is -10 °C if you do this to your classmates even though they told you multiple times to stop, you're a dick and I hope your little toe makes out with every edge of every cabinet just through second it stopped hurting from the last time.

9. Demanding I do something I explained I can't with even reasons why I can't. For example you demand I remember something short term even I don't have means to write it down and I tell you "I won't remember I have bad short term memory because of my adhd" and you tell me to stop making up excuses? You're a dick. If I explain I can't really use tone indicators "when I think it could make people react in a emotional way" because I can't tell when people will react emotionally because I don't understand how other peoples emotions work and you still try to force me to do it because I'm "supposed to be able to" you're a dick. Not everyone can really understand emotions and especially emotions of others just because I have learned behavior of "are you okay? Do you wanna talk about it?" When someone says they aren't feeling okay, doesn't mean I understand how others will react if I say "it's fine" and then add "I said it's fine" I can't tell if you'll see it as me being mad or if you'll understand that I literally mean that it's fine, therefore if I was to add tone indicators everywhere where I think it could make someone have a emotional reaction I'd be putting them everywhere because I can't literally tell when it could, which is tiring plus it goes hand in hand with the fact of my short term memory being shit because I can't even remember tone indicators except of /j and /hj because those are used around me.

10. If I explain a behavior to you and explain it's caused by the fact I'm neurodivergent for example stimming and you tell me to stop making excuses? Then the only excuse here is you because you're a poor excuse for a human being. I can't stand people like you.

11. Children crying, the noise itself makes me want to pull a "officer I drop kicked that child in self defense" because it makes me want to scream as well, my ears hurt just like with loud TV or music but even worse. To the person who invented bloototh earbuds with silicone nubs that semi cancel the noise and if you play the music it's pretty much canceled out, you're my hero, you should get he Nobel Prize for peace because without your invention I swear to whatever is holy there would be more murders.

12. Earbuds that are completely made of plastic. Extremely uncomfortable, reason why I don't care about ipods because they are uncomfortable, too big and painful to try and put in. I have tiny ears and even tinier earholes. I need silicon nubs and even the smallest ones are too big for one of my ears. If there would be Bluetooth earbuds with the nubs made of the film used for ear plugs I'd buy them because it's the one comfortable material out there that would actually stick inside my ears perfectly, plus the texture is good sensory vise for me.

13. Dirty talk in my first language. It's not sexy, it sounds dumb especially if they make already dirty word and try to change it a bit to be cool, if I hear kundička and pička one more time when I'm talking with someone about dirty stuff I feel like I'll throw a table at em. It's like "folds" extremely uncomfortable, scratching my brain in the wrong way, if you wanna talk dirty with me talk in English it sounds and feels so much better just avoid this cursed "folds"

14. The new animation style of pixar, I wasn't able to watch Luka or Turning red not because if themes (I actually love the themes being explored and want to see more) but the style makes it visually uncomfortable for me to look at, especially the mouth shapes. It's weirdly disturbing to me, very uncanny valley and it's making me avoid their movies which is sad because for example I love coco to pieces.

15. Not westing socks in closed shoes. Just no. Socks or I'm wearing open shoes.

16. Socks in open shoes. Socks in sandals are a crime especially when sand gets into the socks.

17. Hair on carpet. If I feel some hair on my feet because it got stuck to the carpet? Makes me want to scream.

18. When teachers refer to anyone specifically about something they might have messed up, in front of the whole classroom making sure everyone hears. It's so uncomfortable, stop doing this, you're shaming that student, it's horrible enough if you say their name in a disappointed tone, leave it at that. Shaming a student like this isn't only uncomfortable it gets them to become targets for bullying. It's overstimulating especially since you don't know if the student has anxiety or not, because if they do it makes them spiral foreward and before you know it you're having a student pretending they aren't having a anxiety attack and masking it so damn hard because they are even more anxious about the though that you might call them out for "bring too dramatic". You're a dick.

19. Telling me to stop stimming. If I stop I will explode and you're in the blast zone. If only can't stim? It makes me wanna scream.

And finally 20. Any therapist/psychologist who says "you can't have autism because you don't have the visible signs" to a adult who was forced to mark their entire life and now just want to get their diagnosis to finally have closure on their life knowing they weren't "broken" and that this is something many others struggle with. Autistic people vary and saying someone doesn't have "visible signs" as a PROFESSIONAL makes you a trash person at your job, they lived their life, if they tell you they think other might be autistic, do something other then just dismissing them. I know many autistic people who "don't have visible signs"

This went from "I'm neurodivergent and this is things that are no no because my brain said so."

To "I'm enraged by humanity's ignorance and asshole behavior."

But fuck it I'm posting it anyway because it's almost 2 am, I'm sleep deprived and fueled by the divine feminine rage.

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