#I’ve also been reassured on Twitter that it’s actually not That Bad and people are just exaggerating or reusing the same old joke | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

madara-fate · 1 year

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Hey, maddy! It’s been awhile, I’m currently writing this at midnight because while I was tinkering here and there and also simultaneously doing my assignments and projects, a sudden thought came into my mind. The causes of female character hate. The first thing that would come to ones mind will always be misogyny and sexism but as I was hanging out in Twitter, Facebook, and Tiktok, I’ve come to realize that the very thing that uplifted women all these years is now tearing itself bit by bit, feminism or to be precise, toxic feminism.

We’ve come to an age where people would scream “pro-choice!” “my body, my rules” but when women chase after a man, do the first move, or pursues the man they actually want instead of waiting for a damn old lady to transform into fairy godmother, they would criticize her for her choices, saying that she has either poor judgement or bad taste. Sakura chose to be with the guy she likes and she would never end up with him if she simply stood there. Doing the first move actually gets you the guy you like, not in every situation the guy you like actually likes you back, this isn’t some fantasy book.

They would want women to just sit still and look pretty but that’s what 90’s women did but that didn’t stop them from ending up with abusive husbands. They would tell you that being a housewife is not the problem, that it’s okay and not bad, they would tell you that it’s okay to be a housewife but deep inside even these women possess internal misogyny— that while it’s okay to be a housewife it’s still BETTER to have a job, carry the pants in the family, make your husband basically your slave and that it’s nice if he’s under you instead of striving for a healthy relationship where both partners are heard and stand on equal ground.

Seeing post here on Tumblr about Sasuke being jealous has started to irked me. People are now starting to romanticize jealousy as if your partner getting jealous is a good thing, people automatically equate jealousy to “I’m afraid of losing you” instead of “I’m insecure, I’m easily replaceable, I don’t know who I am and where I stand in your life”. If Sasuke is jealous that simply means that Sakura hasn’t reassured him enough and we both know she has. I know Sasuke isn’t the jealous type, anyone wouldn’t want their partner to be looked at as if they’re somewhat being undressed.

I’ve also come to have realize that the other reason why SasuSaku works so much is how Sakura is the type to always extend her hands to anyone, I remember how she would notice Naruto is sad or down (one in the Chunin Exam and one after the Pain Arc) how she tries to comfort him, cheer him up, and set asides her own feelings even though she needs the comfort herself. The thing is I like how Sakura can’t fully fathom someone (she can understand just not fully, she isn’t a robot who’s heartless after all) but she tries, she tries to understand him or them, not just to Naruto or Sasuke but to anyone because that’s just the kind of person she is, the kind of girl that Kakashi is so proud of. This is why I like SasuSaku because Sasuke has moments where he meets Sakura half-way, how he told her that he’s the only who could kill him (Itachi) there were times where he would try and reach out for her hand but would stop and take it back again and this is why I think their relationship works a lot because there’s Sakura who’s extending her hand, willing to help and then there’s Sasuke who tries to reach out to her hand half-way and I just love that. I like how Sakura is so independent and free in their relationship that I feel like Sakura could never get if she ended up with Naruto. Hear me out, Naruto thinks Sakura is strong, okay? He cares about Sakura a lot and believes in her but he would rather not risk it, he oftentimes worry about not being able to save someone, about someone important dying because of him or he failed to protect them and it seems to be the cause why he’s not that willing to risk Hinata or Sakura’s safety in battle or anyone for that matter, he would rather risk his own life that someone else’s.

While Sasuke does worry, he chooses to trust Sakura. I think that the Uchiha Family is heavily bounded by trust. How Sasuke trust Sakura and vice versa and how they trust Sarada and her capabilities. Despite there’s an obvious power imbalance between Sasuke and Sakura (strength wise) they stand in equal ground in there relationship and Sakura surely isn’t submissive, I actually find it comical how people say she listens to anything Sasuke says when Sakura this entire time hasn’t been following what Sasuke wants in the first place. Then they say she’s being forceful but she never demanded him to love her nor did he outright rejected her either. Not to mention, due to Naruto growing up alone he seemed to have grown accustomed to not relying on anyone else, he seems to prefer doing things alone or by himself because reading Shippuden made me see that there were numerous times Sakura wanted to help Naruto but Naruto never wants it, he doesn’t mind doing things all by himself, Naruto isn’t willing to meet Sakura half-way and accept her help which makes their relationship looks one-sided but it never was.

It’s been a while, I’m currently writing this at midnight

What a coincidence, I'm currently answering this at midnight :D

The first thing that would come to ones mind will always be misogyny and sexism but as I was hanging out in Twitter, Facebook, and Tiktok, I’ve come to realize that the very thing that uplifted women all these years is now tearing itself bit by bit, feminism or to be precise, toxic feminism.

I know what you mean, and that's partly the reason why a few years ago, I stopped identifying as a feminist, and instead chose to identify as an egalitarian. The toxic femininity was derailing what feminism at its core was supposed to represent. By no means was this the only reason for my switch, but it was becoming increasingly noticeable.

Yeah, it seems that a lot of them often have progressive values in some areas like employment, and traditional values in other areas like dating, which is annoying because it's very contradictory. It's like how they appear to have modern values because they insist they have good jobs and can take care of themselves financially, but then when it comes to dating they expect the man to pay on dates. Why?

Regarding the criticisms you mentioned, one of the most annoying ones for me has always been when women often call other women "desperate", just because she decided to make the first move or take some initiative in her relationship. You're literally just letting someone know that you're interested in them, where's the desperation in that? It's like some of these women think they're devaluing themselves when they make the first move, it's ridiculous.

Sakura chose to be with the guy she likes and she would never end up with him if she simply stood there. Doing the first move actually gets you the guy you like, not in every situation the guy you like actually likes you back, this isn’t some fantasy book.

Some of them then like to fall back on that typical and lame excuse - "if he doesn't make a move, then he's probably just not that into you", as if that's the case in every possible scenario.

I actually kinda saw that happening with Hinata. I saw a lot of comments beginning with something along the lines of "it's obviously okay for Hinata to be a housewife, but...". To which they'd proceed to put her down in comparison to Sakura and Ino due to their professions. It was kinda transparent.

Definitely, someone could have all the faith and belief in the world that their partner wouldn't ever leave them, but that still doesn't mean that they'd be okay with someone making any gestures towards them which would overstep their boundaries.

Sasuke was definitely bothered by Jiji's actions, and who wouldn't be? He didn't want someone inappropriately touching his wife. But the way people are now using this to insinuate that he's the jealous type, and insecure, and possessive is just irritating.

If Sasuke was actually as jealous and insecure as some people are making him out to be, then quite frankly, I'd just feel bad for Sakura. For him to still feel this way after over a decade of marriage? After all the times that Sakura had made it clear how much she loves him? How much more would the girl need to do get it through to Sasuke that he is her one and only? That's not a positive look for their relationship, so I dunno why this thought is so appealing to them.

The thing is I like how Sakura can’t fully fathom someone (she can understand just not fully, she isn’t a robot who’s heartless after all) but she tries, she tries to understand him or them, not just to Naruto or Sasuke but to anyone because that’s just the kind of person she is, the kind of girl that Kakashi is so proud of.

Yeah, which is part of the reason why I'm always so puzzled whenever antis like to hate on Sakura for apparently never even trying to understand Sasuke. They constantly say that all she ever cared about were his looks and never tried to actually know who he was, but it's just as you said - even when she didn't understand fully, she tried. During her first confession, Sakura was hurting because she wanted to know more about Sasuke, she wanted to understand him better, but Sasuke was closing himself off:

This is why I think their relationship works a lot because there’s Sakura who’s extending her hand, willing to help and then there’s Sasuke who tries to reach out to her hand half-way and I just love that.

That's a very good analogy, it reminds me of the way in which they held hands in the Forest of Death, because it was a good representation of a recurring theme of their relationship - Sasuke suffering and being in a dark place, and Sakura being there and offering him love to illuminate his dark life.

I actually find it comical how people say she listens to anything Sasuke says when Sakura this entire time hasn’t been following what Sasuke wants in the first place. Then they say she’s being forceful but she never demanded him to love her nor did he outright rejected her either.

Exactly, Sakura and Naruto both went against Sasuke's wishes for the majority of the story. And yeah despite Sakura never demanding that Sasuke love her back, you get these extremists spouting how Sakura apparently "begged" Sasuke to love her, and I always just wonder where the fuck they get that from.

Not to mention, due to Naruto growing up alone he seemed to have grown accustomed to not relying on anyone else, he seems to prefer doing things alone or by himself because reading Shippuden made me see that there were numerous times Sakura wanted to help Naruto but Naruto never wants it, he doesn’t mind doing things all by himself, Naruto isn’t willing to meet Sakura half-way and accept her help which makes their relationship looks one-sided but it never was.

This is a tough one, because while Naruto has indeed shown that he often prefers to do things by himself and on his terms, such as the time he told he peers that he alone will fight Sasuke:

The series also made it a point to highlight the fact that Naruto is, among other things, Ashura's reincarnation, which means that he inherited Ashura's philosophy which dictates that cooperation and relying on the help of those around you are what allows someone to attain strength and achieve your goals:

So I dunno, I can see your point with Sakura though. It's just that when speaking in general terms, it becomes a little harder to make conclusive judgements about Naruto when it concerns this topic. Naruto is supposed to be all about accepting the help of others, but he's shown that he doesn't always do that. Well, that's only human.

#Sasuke Uchiha #Sakura Haruno #sasusaku #Naruto Uzumaki #Feminism

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bonesandthebees · 5 months

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Alright Askers, grab your weapons we’re going out to hunt! (/j don’t actually go looking for the comment).

No but seriously that’s unbelievably rude and clearly written by someone who has never written anything in there life, let alone something as good or as long as your fics because when you’ve gone through the effort of writing something like that you don’t just go and point out ‘flaws’ in other people’s work (and really it’s just their opinion because a lot of your works have bittersweet endings, which is what makes them good in my opinion but it’s not everyone’s cup of tea, especially for fan fiction). If they can think of a (subjective) ‘better’ ending, that can go and write their own damn story.

Anyway, I always like the endings to your fics, long or short, a lot of the Askers here do too. That’s why we always come scream at you. Don’t let one person with bad ao3 etiquette ruin your day.

P.s. I still need to read the QSMP hunger games thingy and I’m so excited, but I just straight up haven’t had the time yet. Also, I’ve seen the movie and it was good, but the book has been laying on my shelf for at least two months and I feel like it’s giving me a side eye every time I walk past.

P.s.s It snowed here on Wednesday. Like decent snow for once. And now the entire public transport system is struggling because most of it has yet to melt because of the cold. (This never happened it feels like it’s been at least 5 years since we’ve had snow this decent.)

-🌲

yeah I mean more than anything my issue with the comment was just that they decided to put it in my comments. like, you can have whatever opinion on my stories you want to have. but if you disliked it that much, go talk about it with your friends. don't put it in my comments where I'll literally get an email notif for it.

but thank you spruce I can always count on you guys to reassure me about things like this <3

and don't worry it didn't ruin my day. it just pissed me off for about 10 minutes which is when I made that post (which has now, uh, breached containment a little bit I think. oops.) I understand that this fanbase is young, and many of them genuinely haven't learned ao3 etiquette yet. not everyone is constantly on tumblr or twitter and knows what's going on on the author side. the commenter seemed to genuinely think I wouldn't see the comment, which makes me want to give them the benefit of the doubt that if they knew I would literally get an email with that comment in it, they wouldn't have said that. of course I don't know that for sure, but that's what I'm choosing to believe for now.

ooooo whenever you read my fic lmk I had a lot of fun coming up with the story and everything for it :) also you should definitely read tbosas book. I finished it last week and it's SO good. I really enjoyed the movie, but I enjoyed the book even more. it gives you so much insight to be able to hear coriolanus' internal monologue at all times

YAY FOR SNOW!! NOT YAY FOR STRUGGLING WITH PUBLIC TRANSPORT :( hope things get fixed with that soon!

#ask #spruce anon

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keira-incognita · 2 years

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A Halloween Tale

It’s the day after Thanksgiving, so I might as well talk about this past Halloween. What follows are the posts I originally made on Twitter while waiting in the Indiana Jones queue at Disneyland, which I didn’t even get to ride because it kept breaking down.

I’m gonna laugh if what finally convinces me to transition is coming to Disneyland for my monthly visits and missing that feeling of Halloween night when everyone perceived me as female.

Like, my brain has associated being called “miss” and referred to as a “lady” with being at Disneyland/DCA. And now being here in boy mode just doesn’t feel right.

I guess since I’m on the subject and Twitter may not be here much longer, and as Transgender Awareness Week comes to an end, might as well talk about Halloween.

So, I had been considering “crossdressing” for Halloween for a while. Pretty much since I started becoming aware that I was probably trans. And the costume I most wanted to wear was a witch.

I didn’t want to just “dress as a girl” for Halloween like some cis guys (and trans eggs) do. And I didn’t want it to be a joke either. Also, I prefer doing traditional Halloween characters and monsters for costumes. Thus, a witch was my costume of choice.

My partner and I had already had plans for the DCA Halloween event. It was like a week or so before, and we hadn’t really done anything about costumes. Much to my surprise, it was actually her that brought up that she had never gone as a witch.

Now, my partner has no clue that I’m trans. She probably should though. There have been signs. But I think she’s even more in denial about it than I was. Or she’s just oblivious. Either is possible. But with her bringing up exactly what I wanted to go as, something I had wanted to to do for years…

So I was like, “I’ve never gone as a witch either.” Clarifying I meant a female witch. Meaning that I had never done any kind of drag for Halloween and that it seemed like a bucket list item to check off.

She was surprisingly fine with the idea. She had no problem with it. She was game. We would both go as witches, a coven of two. So we shopped around the local Halloween stores. I found most of what I needed there, but she had to get most of her stuff online.

I then spent the next week getting the rest of what I still needed online too. Like I said, I didn’t want this to be “obviously a guy dressed as a woman” for Halloween. I wanted to go all out. I wanted to be perceived as a woman dressed as a witch. I figured I’d still be seen as a trans woman because I can’t see me passing for cis at this point, but I would be happy with that.

I forget exactly what I said to her about how I wanted to look for the night, but she went along with everything without any real fuss. It was odd but reassuring how cool she was with the whole thing.

So, I already had the witch dress, hat, thigh high striped stockings, and a makeup kit with black lipstick, eyeshadow and nail polish. I had a belt from another costume and a pentacle pendant from my Wiccan phase in my younger days. My hair is already super long so a wig was not needed.

There were a few other things I needed to get online to complete the look: some makeup and brushes to help conceal my five o’clock shadow, some kind of purse or handbag to carry things so I didn’t have to bring my regular backpack. And a bra.

I ended up getting this tank top that was also shape-wear with a built-in padded bra. I created some homemade breast forms by filling some dress socks with stuffing, like you use in plush animals. It worked out pretty well actually.

So, a few orders online and I had everything I needed. I painted my nails, for the first time, the night before. I didn’t do too bad a job, but I wish they had been longer that week. And I kind of miss the painted nails. I left the polish on for a few days afterwards l, and I really just want to paint them again

I got up early the day of to get ready. Again, I was going all out. I wanted people to see me as a trans woman dressed as a witch for Halloween and not as a male crossdressing. Or at least for them to be a little unsure. So that meant shaving.

Now, I shave my face normally so that was no big deal. But for this, I shaved my chest, shoulders, arms, hands, underarms and calves. I didn’t need to shave quite this much, but I got a little excited and carried away. I also really enjoyed not having that body hair for the first time since puberty, and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t shave anymore after that day.

After shaving and showering, I did my makeup. I have never done this before other than trying some lipstick as a teen. I had watched a few tutorials online and tried the best I could. The results weren’t great but they weren’t bad either. I wish it concealed the shadow better and was less pale, but it would do.

I did what I could with my hair, trying to make it a little more feminine than I usually do. I had the shapewear on, all padded up. I finished up the accessories and voila. I was a witch. And it was pretty awesome. Gender euphoria was achieved that night for sure.

The event itself was a blast. People complimented the costume. Most people, especially cast members, treated me as a woman. I got called “miss” and things like that. People mostly referred to the two of us as “ladies.” It was great. I actually got what I wanted to happen that night. People saw me as a woman and treated me accordingly.

I still used the single occupant bathroom though because there was no way I was using the men’s room how I was dressed and felt much too uncomfortable to use the ladies’ room. Although I probably could have used the latter without incident.

There were two highlights to the evening. The first was when we were getting a photo op taken, the photographer asked us if we were witches from Hogwarts. I responded, “No. Definitely not.”

The second and best highlight was when we went through the trick or treat trail in Avengers Campus. That was where Agatha Harkness was (the witch from WandaVision and Marvel comics). And she was excited to see two fellow witches come through after a constant stream of superheroes and Disney princesses. She was an absolute delight. She asked us what spells we had been casting and I told her “Candy summoning,” while holding up my overstuff trick or treat bag. Super fun interaction.

And that was more or less the evening. I’ll post more if I think of anything I have forgotten or have any further thoughts. (Note: I did not post any follow ups on Twitter but might here)

The only real down side was my partner kind of being the only one to make a point of using male pronouns to refer to me. Don’t break the illusion! Play along, dammit! I’m not sure if there were any bad intentions behind it, but it felt unnecessary for her to do it. I’m sure it confused some people.

And that’s the end of the original post from Twitter. I have edited it somewhat here, added some bits. I know there’s more I could probably talk about. This was my first time fully dressed up as a woman, in private or in public. So a momentous occasion to be sure. And now every weekend when I go out, especially back to Disney, I find myself wanting to be dressed like this, minus the Halloween theming.

#transgender #trans woman #Halloween #witch #gender euphoria #keira incognita

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baecvlt · 3 years

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Stalker Nagito Komaeda x Milf!Reader

this was requested via my twitter:

“Hey! i’ve seen your works and I’m in love. Can I request smut where a stalker Nagito Komaeda becomes obsessed with a milf reader who moves into the neighborhood who’s like a dom in bed and ya know just large bust and taller than him. Thank youuu🤍”

a/n: ofc. but I have my own idea of a dom which i’ll use involving certain things (heed warnings)

warnings: he is so obviously a virgin in this, degradation, slight masochism, asphyxiation, spit, also Nagito calls the reader mommy (side note: nagito is in his early 20s in this, he lives alone. age of reader isn’t specified BUT I say she’s in her late 20s/early 30s)

• • •

It was a bright day...which Nagito despised. It was summer. He hated the sun, hated the mosquitoes, and the unnecessary humidity. It was days like these he wishes he was back at his university dorm. The A/C, the tall tree covering his window and blocking the sun...it was perfect. Hell, he didn’t even hate classes. Yet, he couldn’t live in the dorms forever. When it came time to buy a home, he stupidly did so in fall, moved in during the winter.

Well, no shit the home seemed perfect then. It wasn’t fucking summer. His A/C decided to break, his windows has a great view of the sun, and most of his friends were out of town (all except Hajime, but Hajime is fucking boring and a bummer). Nagito sat on his couch, watching reruns of old tv shows. He took a sip from his nearby glass (cold water), suddenly hearing sounds of what appeared to be a loading van. He looked outside his window.

A moving van?

Right, that one old man who lived there passed away. Freak accident, by the way. Oh well, may he rest in peace. Meanwhile, Nagito was being himself and trying to see who it was. Pretty much, the dude was being nosy. He saw another car pull up. That must’ve been the family’s car. Out jumped 3 kids, what appeared to be 2 girls and 1 boy. An adult stepped out. Nagito decided he’d get a better look at the situation. He put on his shirt, black jeans, and his green hood.

He was “going for a walk”.

Without being noticed, he made his way to the other side of the street. It was a woman, she was taking boxes out of the truck. The minute Nagito saw her it was if he was stricken by Cupid’s arrow. She was tall and beautiful. Her skin complimented her hair and her legs, he couldn’t take his eyes off them. Her breasts...he needed to stop—

“Hi!”

She was in front of him, a warm and inviting smile on her face. “H-Hi,” he muttered. She didn’t hear him well, so it helped that he waved. “I’m new in the neighborhood. We just moved in,” she added, putting the box down. She stuck her hand out, going for a handshake. He shook her hand, her warm hand against his cold ones. Why are his hands always cold? “I see,” he responded, getting his shit together,“I’m Nagito Komaeda. I live across the street”. She introduced herself and complimented his house.

“What a lovely home. I hope the neighborhood is just as lovely”

“It should be. It’s pretty quiet. There’s not many families here. Say, can I help you pack?”

“You’re too sweet! I’d really appreciate it”

He helped take all the boxes in her home, helping load a couch too, and help with other large objects. They finished in 9 hours, taking a majority of the day. “Thanks for helping out, Nagito”. She made a lemonade, handing him a glass.

“Don’t mention it! Also, thank you”

One of the kids ran in the living room where they sat on the couch. He gasped when he saw Nagito. “Mommy! That man looks dead!!!”. Nagito smiled, but his mom was not amused. “Michael! Apologize..”. The kid kept smiling and said,“Sorry!”. He ran to another room. “I’m so sorry,” she muttered. Nagito shook his head.

“Hey, I’m rather malnourished”

“Ha. On an unrelated topic, are you hungry? I could make us something”

“Oh, I shouldn’t linger any longer. I wouldn’t want to disturb your husband”

She laughed. “I know you mean no harm, but I’m not married,” she added. “Oh,” Nagito muttered,“I’m sorry, I really didn’t mean it in any way”. She shook her head and reassured him it was fine. “Sit, Nagito,” she pulled out a chair,“I’m not letting you refuse having dinner with us. Especially since you were such help”. She rubbed his back before heading back into the kitchen to begin cooking.

She made him a bowl of pasta, adding chicken on the side. Nagito was quite happy. He hadn’t eaten a good meal in so long. Her kids didn’t eat at the table, but on the counter. Meanwhile, she ate with Nagito. Just as Nagito thought he couldn’t grow fonder of her, he did just that. All she did was let him talk about himself.

“Jesus, I’m sorry about your parents? How are you keeping yourself afloat with university and expenses?”

“Academic scholarships”

“Wow, you’re such a smart boy”

The way she phrased it made him flustered. “Thank you for the meal, ma’am,” he muttered,“I haven’t eaten like this in who knows how long”. She smiled tenderly, picking up his empty plate. “Seconds?”. He shook his head.

“No, thank you. I’m already so full”

“I’m glad. You know, there’s always a meal for you in store if you can do me a favor”

“What’s that?”

“My oldest daughter has her final test this week. You think you can help her study? I’ll make you a nice, warm meal every time you come over”

Nagito thought about it. He would also have time around her. Plus, she wasn’t a bad cook. “Of course, I look forward to it,” he told her. “Lovely”. He got up and excused himself to go home. “It was nice having you over, Nagito,” she said softly. He could tell she was getting sleepy. When people are tired, Nagito has noticed that their tone is rather sheepish. She walked him to the door, ruffling his hair playfully and he blushed. “Goodnight, neighbor”.

“Goodnight, you”

Before he left, she stopped him and handed him a paper: (xxx) xxx-xxxx ♡

“Call me when you get home so I have your number saved. Then, I can call you when my daughter, Vanessa, needs help. Take care, okay?”

He nodded.

She closed the door, his thoughts racing on his way home. He picked up some things about her, things she didn’t even tell him. He went home and opened a notebook, writing all of it down. He called her and she answered, her voice as sweet as when he left (only sleepier). “Hello?”. His breath was heavy without realizing it as he spoke. “H-Hey, you told me to call you,” he breathed,“It’s Nagito...Komaeda”

“Oh, hey, angel! I’m not interrupting anything am I?”

“What? No, it’s all good— why’d you think so?”

“You sound like you need to catch your breath, but anyway, thanks for calling me. I’ve saved your number now”

“Oh, great! Well, if that’s all, I’ll let you go to bed now”

“It was. Goodnight, Nagito”

“G-Goodnight”

He hung up, flustered more than ever as he continued to jot down his thoughts on paper. The next day, he woke up at 6am to wait in his car. He knew what he was doing was wrong, but he couldn’t help it. At around 7:41am, his front neighbor and kids headed for their car. Nagito, who had taken a light nap in the driver’s seat, was awoken by the car starting. He waited for the car to drive away just slightly past his house to start his own car, slowly tailing behind her.

He dropped her kids off at the nearby elementary. She got off, kissed them on their forehead (all minus the eldest, who walked swiftly through the gates). Seeing how she cared for them made Nagito feel bad, but all he did was brush that feeling off. Next, he followed her through her daily. As he did, his notes from last night echoed through his mind, adding new detail.

“She works at an office not everyday She doesn’t have allergies but is sensitive to dust Red seems to be her favorite color but always in a darker shade Her daughter is around 10 years old She isn’t vegan but enjoys almond milk Maybe has an issues with abandonment but I can’t assume that either She buys many apples but not the same amount of bananas at the store so maybe she only eats the bananas—”

Just more to add to his notebook.

He got home before she did, writing down what he had learned. His phone rang about an hour later of him getting home. He picked it up,“Hello?”. “Nagito, hi!”. It was her. He started having a mini-panic attack, because why would she be calling him? “H-Hey, how are you?”

“I’m doing alright. I was wondering if you could come over and tutor Vanessa”

Oh, thank god.

“Yes, of course. I’ll be down there right now”

“Great. See you then!”

He was relieved, heading to her home happily. He knocked on the door. When she opened it, she did so with the same warm smile as yesterday. “Thank you for coming over,” she said,“She’s in her room”. Nagito nodded, freezing when she grabbed his hand and took him to the room. Her touch was so soft, noted. They got to the room, where a girl was reading a book on a desk. “Nessa?”. The girl turned around.

“Nagito is going to be here for a few hours to help you out with homework and studying. He’s really smart, so pay attention and be respectful”

“Okay, mom”

She nodded, squeezing Nagito’s shoulder before leaving. Nagito approached the girl, she took her things out. Before he could speak, she stopped him. “Please don’t call me ‘Nessa’,” she whispered,“It’s bad enough my mom does, but not you, Please”.

“Don’t worry. I wasn’t planning on referring to you at all”

“Bastard”

“Nessa”

“I guess I walked right into that one”

Nagito laughed, grabbing a chair and sitting next to her. Her work wasn’t what he expected. Is this what they’re teaching kids now? He could’ve sworn he hadn’t seen this type of stuff until he hit middle school. It wasn’t anything he couldn’t do, but damn. All in all, tutoring went well. Vanessa actually learned something today. “Good job!,” he said. “Thank you,” she smiled and hugged him,“I felt so stupid”.

“Hey, its okay not to understand things”

Her mom walked in. “Dinner’s ready”. Vanessa got up and went to the kitchen. “How’d it go?,” she asked Nagito. “Went well, she gets the math now,” he answered. She smiled, thanking him for his help and asking him to join them for dinner. He’d be foolish not to, so he accepted the invite.

Fish tacos were served tonight with rice and beans, another lemonade made. It was different than anything Nagito had ever had, but that doesn’t equate to bad. He actually enjoyed the meal. The kids sat at the main table today, much more respectful than yesterday. “Michael how was school?”. He put a thumbs up, getting back to eating. “And Adrianna?”. She looked up from her meal and shrugged. “What’s wrong?”.

“I’m tired, but class was okay”

“Oh, okay. When you’re done, just take a quick shower and get to bed”

“Thanks”

Nagito thought it was endearing. Seeing how understanding and loving she was, it was refreshing. The kids all eventually left, Nagito finishing his meal. “Did you like it?”. He looked at her, nodding. “Great! Seconds?”.

“Full again. I don’t usually eat, but your food is always so good”

“Oh, you’re just saying things...”

“No, really! Thank you”

He said his goodbyes to the family, walking back home. It was as if he was falling for this woman more and more everyday. He went to sleep, this time dreaming of her. He never dreams, but this time he dreamt she was on her knees for him. Then, nothing else. It was as if his dream teased him.

The next morning, he woke up to some knocking on the door. He looked at the time. 8:23am. He put on a pair of jeans and his shirt, walking to his door. He opened it and there she stood, wearing a black dress and red heels. He assumed she had work and needed a favor before going. “Good morning,” he said.

“Were you following me yesterday?”

Shit.

“I, uh...,” he didn’t know what to answer. He was indeed following her yesterday. He also liked her, so if he straight up said that he was to following her, it’d ruin things. His face was glowing a shade of pink to a slight red as he thought of the right answer. He was still stumbling over his words. “I think it’s kinda cute,” she added. The fuck? “Huh?”. She pushed him inside the house, closing and locking the door behind him. “When a boy follows someone around, it’s because he wants something,” she added, but her tone was so sultry,“Well, Nagito—”. She pushed him onto the couch, leaning in front of him with her hands on his chest.

“—What do you want?”

None of what was happening felt real. Nagito couldn’t find the words to express what exactly he wanted. This was the first time he’d ever been in a situation like this, it wasn’t a bad one either. He began to panic when she straddled him. “Could it be that you wanted me?,” she asked. He frantically nodded and she laughed as she locked her lips with his. He gasped against her lips, kissing back. She slowly trailed her kisses down to his neck, cupping his jaw while grinding on his lap. Nagito moaned, his shaky hands grabbing her ass. She grabbed his hands and put them away from her. “It’s cute that you’re getting this carried away”.

“I’m sorry”

“No time to apologize. Get on your knees for mommy”

Nagito was about to lose his mind when she said that, but he obeyed. Her presence was domineering as he stood on his knees against his carpeted floor. She spread her legs, noticing Nagito desperately trying to get a look. Her red heel stopped him, stepping on his head lightly. “Am I teasing you?,” she asked,“It’s okay to be honest”.

“Y-You are, but its okay. I want to be teased by you”

“You’re adorable,” she took her heel off his head,“Let’s go to your room”.

He practically ran to his bed. He sat and waited patiently. She entered the room, heading to his bed. She began to take off his shirt, admiring his frame. She then unbuckled his belt and unzipped his jeans. He kicked them off and sat down. She sat next to him. “Give me your hands”. She held them, frowning slightly. “Boo, they’re so cold,” she teased,“I’ll warm them up for you”. Carefully, she grabbed his left hand, putting his middle and ring finger in her mouth. She licked to his fingertips, leaving him tense and speechless. She stopped and smiled at him.

“This is your first time, isn’t it?”

He nodded shyly. “Don’t be shy,” she said,“I’m going to guide you, but I’m also going to have my fun”. He gulped, nodded. She stood up and removed her dress. She wore a lacy black bra and panties. She brought his hands to her breasts, allowing him to fondle them. They were huge in his hands. “You like them, baby?”. “Y-Yes,” he muttered,“Can you, uh, take....the bra off?”. He was ashamed when asking, he felt desperate. She smiled and nodded, unhooking it and allowing the bra to fall to the ground. He gasped at the sight of her tits, grabbing them. She straddled him.

“Do you know what to do with them?”

He nodded, rubbing one and sucking the other. She moaned sweetly, grinding on his lap. He popped his mouth off them. That was when she took the opportunity to knock him onto the bed. She began to make out with him, shoving his tongue down her throat. They lay sideways. Her hand was on his neck, slightly choking him. He couldn’t resist but try to grind on her lap. She laughed. “Look at you,” she mocked,“Humping my leg like a desperate little puppy”. She didn’t let him speak, sitting up and pushing him back down. “I’m going to give you what you want,” she whispered in his ear,“Take your cock out”.

He was nervous as he did, hands shaky. She blushed a bit at his size. “It’s so big,” she said, straddling him,“I’m going to have my way with it”. “Please, do what you want to me,” he begged,“Abuse me, please”. She didn’t speak, sinking down on it. Nagito gasped, she was extremely wet. She began to bring her hips up and land straight down on it, repeatedly. She put her hands around his throat, now being rougher. Nagito gasped for air, grabbing her hands.

That was a mistake.

“Hands down,” she ordered, striking him across the face. “Sorr-”. He was slapped once again. “Only speak when you’re spoken to”. He nodded as his stomach began to cave in. His cock twitched each time she slapped him, making her moan. She leaned forward, capturing his earlobe between her teeth. He winced, his hands tangling in the sheets. He felt as though his entire body was blushing.

“You’re so sensitive there”

She teased him, kissing the skin and nibbling. His hips involuntarily snapped upward, making her whine. “You’re so desperate, baby,” she laughed,“it’s so cute”. He could feel her warmth running along his cock. He bit into his hand, trying to stop himself from cumming inside her. It worked, but she didn’t like him doing that. She grabbed his hands and kissed them.

“Don’t hurt yourself, put them right here”

She placed them on her boobs. He watched them bounce up and down, grabbing them gently. His rather large hands seemed small on her tits. He was extremely flushed. He took them off her and placed them on her hips. “Open your mouth”. He lay back more and did as he was told. She leaned forward, grabbing his jaw again as she spit into it and kissed him. He moaned when she did, his urges getting the best to him and thrusting upward. He hit her cervix every time, causing her to produce the sweetest and sluttiest of moans. Her walls tightened around him and now he was whining. “Are you gonna cum, honeybun?,” she asked.

“Y-Yes..”

“Where do you wanna cum?”

“I wanna cum...everywhere. I want it. I want it so bad. I wanna cum inside and on your tits, on your ass, y-your face..mouth. Please let me cum, mommy”

She motivated him, riding him harder. “Come on, Nagito,” she whispered,“Cum for mommy. Cum all the way inside her”. He lost his mind after that, groaning as he shot his load(s) inside her. He was still inside her as he tried catching his breath. She rubbed his chest, shushing him. “Good boy, you did so well,” she cooed,“Such a good boy.” He was covering his face, embarrassed and still hard. “I wasn’t too rough, was I?,” she asked. He shook his head, thinking,“Not rough enough”. He whined when she got off, revealing he was still erect. She noticed.

“You wanna go again, baby? Kids don’t leave school till 2:30. We have time for an extra fuck”

“C-Can I?”

“Yes, dummy”

She let Nagito choose how to fuck her. He wanted missionary, mostly because he craved intimacy and she did not disappoint. She kissed and praised him, telling him he was good. She held onto him the whole time and cuddled him afterwards. Nagito felt so special, he felt loved. “I can come over when I don’t have work,” she said,“Would you like that?”.

“I’d love that actually”

“You make me happy, Nagito. I could stay here and cuddle all day”

“I feel so lucky”

He yawned, looking at the clock. “Its 10,” he told her. She nuzzled his chest, humming. “Mmmm, let’s take a small nap,” she whispered,“Okay?”. “Okay”. He kissed the top of her head and held her to him, slowly joining her in slumber.

#danganronpa #fanfic #danganronpa goodbye despair #smut #dr nagito #sdr2 nagito #nagito headcanons #nagito smut #nagito x reader #nagito komaeda #nagito komeada x reader #x reader #danganronpa nagito

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bugsinmugs · 2 years

Text

general summary of dream’s stream ‘lets talk controversy’ for anyone who missed it or didn’t feel up to watching it <3 i’ve seen other people make these too but i figured i’d contribute anyways , i did my best to get everything but i can’t make any promises that i didn’t miss some stuff. warning for discussions of homophobia and racism, the summary is under the cut.

- dream addressed things in chronological order of which they happened.

- he went over hasan’s tweet and his reply to it & how it was sarcasm.

- he went over his response to antfrost, he said he can understand how people who don’t know him or antfrost and their friendship could misconstrue this response as him being homophobic but from his perspective it was him joking with a friend who is okay with it. dream also said he was trying to make homophobes the punchline of the joke not gay people, & making fun of homophobic people who would actually say something like that.

- he talked about how often people who like someone will give them more of the benefit of the doubt than they deserve, and that when people don’t like someone they’ll give them less of the benefit of the doubt than they deserve.

- his tweet about his sexuality- he was using gay as a label for men who are exclusively attracted to men rather than as an umbrella term, so when he referred to himself as not gay, he was not trying to say that he was straight. dream said the tweet was a genuine but jokey expression of his feelings on his sexuality.

- your our leader quote - people took that to mean he’s straight, but he just meant that he thinks it’s unjust for the concept of anybody being a set ‘leader’ of the lgbtq community.

- dream expressed that he wasn’t happy to see people saying he’s ‘avoiding homophobic allegations by queerbating’ - especially as this was the first time he’s talked about his sexuality on a main platform because prior to this he had only gone in depth on his sexuality on reddit.

- he condemned doxxing & harassment once again and he talked about how he thinks he has a right to respond to people, especially ones who are invalidating him and saying he’s using his sexuality to avoid criticism.

- he says he understands why people would be upset by his reply if he was inciting hate towards the person who he responded to, but he believes the tweet was perfectly civil and standard and he stated that he would respond to people again in that manner if needed.

- he said his private account tweet was intended to be about people deactivating their twitter accounts after getting a response because they won’t stand by their words, versus because their being harassed- he said he wouldn’t be satisfied seeing some deactivate because of doxxing.

- he expressed that although doxxing is awful, the chances that somebody being endangered because of it is low- he intended this in a reassuring way as somebody who has been doxxed before

- he said that often when a creator gets into controversy people dig up old stuff as well, and that that is often an inevitable part of content creation

- dream explained how bad is very family friendly and he at the age of 15 thought it would be funny to make edits of his videos that made it look like he was saying inappropriate things such as talking about drugs

- he said he’s not quite as confidant as he said in his tweet that he didn’t put the kkk edit in the video, and that he did a lot of stupid of stuff as a kid. he said he had typical edgy internet teen humour as he grew up very sheltered from other opinions but that people are capable of changing. dream also said that he understands why people would be upset about it and he understands that it wasn’t funny then and isn’t funny now.

- he apologized for the video and said going foreword he’s assuming that he did put the kkk edit in, even though he is not fully sure.

- he talked briefly about the speed run situation- he said that he thinks he was too harsh about it in the moment and that he’s tried to do what he can to make it up to the speed run community and move on from what happened, but he just figured he’d briefly addressed his thoughts and feelings about it while on the topic of a serious stream.

- he said he doesn’t hold ill will against others from the speed run situation and that in the midst of it he was upset and said things that he doesn’t stand by now that he’s had time to grow and come to terms with everything that happened.

- he thinks that people/creators do deserve criticism sometimes but that hate and criticism are not the same, and he thinks people should not be spreading hate. he said he thinks that hate is an unfortunate but inevitable part of the criticism.

- he condemned doxxing and hate again.

- he said that he is able to talk to his friends privately when he thinks that they said somethings that isn’t okay, and at the end of the day his best advice to people who don’t like a creator is to avoid them and block them if necessary, and not spread hate to them on his behalf.

- he says it’s important to remember that cc’s are human and that hate effects them.

- he thinks things from the past are absolutely okay to bring up, but that he believes it’s important to do so with the benefit of the doubt, but that’s it’s perfectly reasonable to want clarification to make sure somebody you’re supporting doesn’t hold views you fundamentally disagree with.

- finally he says he’ll be stream at some point in the next week, he said he loves us and will see us soon!

#dreamwastaken #discourse

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neoheros · 4 years

Text

sneaking out headcanons feat. gym 3 squad ♡ — also this is all gonna be set in an au before or without the quarantine, so don’t leave your house please!! social distancing is important and people are dying!!

kuroo tetsuro

listen LISTEN

sneaking out is terrible and you should never do it because it’s dangerous and risky

and you as the woke and understanding gen z that you are definitely respected that

but , BUT , BUUUUT !

the minute your boyfriend snapped you a photo of him in his car with him rubbing his tired eyes captioned “couldn’t sleep, dreamt of u”

your morals were OUT THE WINDOW and now it was your turn >:// !!!

kuroo: i know it’s 4 am but what’re the chances you’d hop out for a quick trip to chick-fil-a 👉👈

you, purposely taking two minutes to reply: why are you still awake

kuroo, who knows you like the back of his hand: babe don’t lie to me, it’s embarrassing for the both of us x

so you agree !! because it was kuroo, the love of your life, the man you’d simp for, and he’s paying for food so hell fricken yeah

you throw on a hoodie, lock your doors, fluff up the bed to make it look like someone was sleeping in it just in case and you gently make your way towards your window

due to personal reasons, you want to pass away

you suddenly remember why you hated sneaking out and boy — the food kuroo was buying you better be worth it

the only way you were actually gonna get down from your two story house that idiotically doesn’t have a roof ledge was if you grab onto the tv satellite that latched by the sill

from your window you see kuroo’s car parked by the trash cans near your house and he’s got his windshield down signaling at you

mfer pulled out his phone from his pocket and waved as he zooms closer to your figure and he SMILED ?

you were in a dilemma?? and he had the audacity???? the fricken audacity???

kuroo, snapping you the vid he took: babe please you’re so cute you look like a tiny gremlin

you: had me in the first half, not gonna lie

it was a MOMENT for you !! but you just say what the hell and go for it anyways because you only live once apparently and sneaking out with your boyfriend at 4 am was better than sleeping

you grab onto the satellite ridge and you pray for mercy that it doesn’t make a sound or loosen up because if anyone found out you were doing this it was definitely kuroo’s ass on the line

while you’re struggling to get down, kuroo’s just in the car ??? laughing his ass off at your current state and you swear that he’s still taking photos

you get down on the cement safely and instead of him pulling up closer to your drive way naaaah he makes you walk to where he was at 😤

you, getting in the car: if i dump you by the end of tonight, just know that the only reason why i didn’t do it sooner is because i wanted food

kuroo, putting on your seatbelt: we’ll get back together in the morning, i’m not worried

so the two of you make your way to chick-fil-a, get food via drivethru and eat in the parking lot with the doors open and the windows down

he still looks very tired and before you even realize it it’s already 6 in the morning

you catch him yawn every few minutes and he always reassures you that he didn’t mind staying up this late :(

he’s baby

kuroo: lets get you home, are you gonna dump me yet?

you, kissing his cheek: no, i kinda love you

kuroo, less sleepy with a lazy smile on his face: aha simp

tsukishima kei

bro if you think he’s a goody two shoes boy who won’t ask you to sneak out at like 2 in the morning , you are so wrong

canonically, he is the most devious and logical character in the entire anime and if he wants to go out with you before the crack of dawn — he fricken will !!

he’s gonna be so sly about it too, nah, he gon make you think it’s your idea to sneak out

tsukki, texting you a tiktok of homemade shrimp rotini at 2:35 am: look what yamaguchi sent me

yamaguchi, who fell asleep three hours ago and absolutely is not in any state to send tiktoks:

so you’re there like ??????

bruv you were just tryna scroll through your twitter feed in peace, why the hell would he send you that like that’s so uncool

because now you were sleep deprived and hungry

you, close to tears: does your house in hell have a pool or

tsukishima, unnerved: i don’t like the concept of swimming

he’s gonna go on about how he didn’t realize what he did and how he’s kinda sorry for waking your hunger but you weren’t born yesterday !! you smelled BS !!

so you facetime him, ready to go off on how unsorry he is and you can already imagine the shit eating grin he must’ve had on

he answers after three rings and he’s in a MFING yellow hoodie with the dinosaur print in the middle, his hair neatly tucked and you just know that he’s got his keys on his fingertips

you, defeated: i’ve been played

tsukishima, heading out the front door: i deny all accusations

you’re not even upset though because this was a perfect opportunity to try the stability of your roof ledge and tbh? who wasn’t unreasonably hungry at 3 am

turns out climbing out your window was harder than you thought and you may or may not have gotten two new bruises on your wrist just by trying

safe to assume that you fell on your ass and since the universe has a particular hatred towards you, your boyfriend arrived at the perfect time to witness all of it

tsukishima: how are you gonna kiss me when you’re too busy kissing the ground

you, tears on your cheeks: if i wanted a bully instead of a boyfriend i would’ve SAID SO

when you get in his car, the first thing he does is ask if you’re okay though and he’s checking your wrists and hands for any scratches or bleeding because 🥺

tsukki: you’re such a clumsy idiot what the hell

tsukki, kicking down the pavement when you’re not paying attention: 💢🪓

you guys end up going to numerous places because most of the drivethrus in town were already closed

you see him get tired behind the steering wheel and you almost have the urge to offer to drive but you didn’t really feel like crashing his car any day soon so

you: lets just head to starbucks hm? get some coffee?

tsukishima, feeling bad because he knows you wanted to get food: we don’t have to

you, in love with him: if you say no i will willingly walk all the way to starbucks by myself , what , you think i won’t do it

so you guys go there and order a couple double shot espressos with a side of scones and muffins and the entire time you’re just trying not to shiver because name one starbucks you’ve been to that hasn’t been unreasonably cold huh i dare you

he notices this and he gives you his hoodie and ITS JUST THE SOFTEST THING OKAY BECAUSE HE’S COLD TOO BUT HE JUST WANTS YOU WARM

you: i knew it, you love me too huh 😌

tsukishima: unfortunately so

akaashi keiji

AKAASHI IS LEGALLY THE BEST BOYFRIEND IN THE WORLD !!

like he cannot be a bad boyfriend ?? it’s impossible for him to be so ?????? he’s just built that way ????

he’s the ultimate mixture of respect and self love , god was just like “let’s make this one perfect !!”

he’s DRIPPING in love each other juice and he eats kindness for breakfast so ha !

he physically cannot say no to you because he flat out adores you

( except when he feels like you’re wrong or being irrational to which he’ll politely correct you and educate you because that’s on what? that’s on having a healthy relationship ♡ )

so when you hit him up at 5:23 in the morning after a series of tiktoks that he has yet to see and react to you about, he’s kinda alarmed

but then again he’s also not ?? because let’s face it, at this point, he’s used to you spamming his inbox

the last thing you sent him two minutes ago was a text saying “bro just imagine this: you and me at a maccas drivethru with two oreo flurry’s and a box of 20 piece chicken nuggets — immaculate”

and you didn’t really expect him to reply?

it was five am and you were absolutely shit talking but when you saw his face time status go online you were just like ?????

akaashi, snapping you a pic of him under his covers with very tired eyes: it’s 5:27 am

you, sending him back a photo of you and the 2000 piece puzzle you spent the last two hours doing: that’s not a no 💅

he doesn’t reply and you’re not really upset by it because he probably just fell asleep and that was really cute to you so !!

but then two minutes later he’s facetiming you and you JUMP at the sudden ringing

he’s all tired and his voice is groggy and tight but he’s still smiling as he says “i’ll see you in ten”

YOU ARE !!!! PUMPED !!!!!

you won the boyfriend lottery , holy hell

now the only thing keeping you from seeing your man and the mcdonald’s sign was the eleven foot gap between your window and the solid concrete

you’d usually take the stairs but you just know that your mom would absolutely murder you for trying to sneak out when you should be asleep 💆‍♀️

it was either climbing out by clawing through the pipes or not being able to give akaashi a hug and you were not gonna let that second one happen

akaashi, after reading your two paragraph rant on how unnatural it was for your window to be that high: please be careful

you, haven’t slept in 32 hours: screw careful ! i embody elegance !!

in which elegance was screaming every time your pipes squeaked because dear mercy you did not want to die yet

akaashi, who just pulled up your drive way and is now seeing you almost fall to the ground:

you, on the verge of tears: please catch me

AND he does 🥺

it was a close call and he barely even made it to you when you chose to let go but HE DID ANYWAYS

you kinda fell on him rather than landing smoothly in his arms but that’s okay you were just glad you didn’t die

when you both get in his car, he just takes a hot sec to dust you off and ask if you’re okay and he’s so concerned please tell him you’re fine

he’s such a baby please i can’t believe this shit

the two of you end up in a mcdonald’s parking lot with doja cat blaring on the radio and you guys do your best to hold back your laughter as you eat

it was pretty cold and the sun was rising but honestly you couldn’t find the urge to care since the moment just felt so surreal

you: i’m sorry for waking you btw 🥺

akaashi, showing you his new lock screen which is the picture he took of you when he first saw you climb out the window:

you: i’m less sorry

bokuto koutaro

BOYFRIEND OF THE MFING YEAR

i accept no arguments, go cry about it

i literally don’t care what anyone has to say, bokuto is the only man ever ? he’s so deserving of every right on earth i’ll cry

the way that this is the third night in a row he’s stayed up til 4 am and he’s not even alarmed about it

like at this point he’s just accepted that he is nocturnal and that’s that on that !

before he actually had the idea to ask you to sneak out for him, he debated whether or not it was worth it

you needed sleep and you barely got any so when he knew you were resting he absolutely refused to message you :(

but then he also thought about how you would love to have a large dunkin iced coffee right now

and he was already getting ready for his morning fix so why not just ask harmlessly?

if you weren’t going to respond then he’d be okay with that because he knew that you were resting well

but if you were going to answer his consecutive texts with a positive reply then HE IS 🥺 over the moon

you, barely awake: can we get a venti triple shot latté instead , my caffeine tolerance is SHOT

bokuto, snapping you back within a minute: babe you are delusional if you think i’m gonna let you drink that

so it’s 5 am and your parents are in the other room asleep but you know that their jobs start pretty early so you had to get a move on

your room wasn’t that high from the ground to be honest, so you weren’t really worried about falling off

what you were worried about was how dizzy and out of depth the melatonin gummies made you because in order to fall asleep you took 3 and now that you basically forced yourself out of a self induced coma, your body was on the verge of passing away

bokuto tells you that he doesn’t mind if you’re not up for the trip and he’d just bring you back your coffee BUT NAH

you’re not a quitter 🤬 you miss your boyfriend and you are gonna do whatever it takes to spend some quality morning time with him !!!!!

so you throw on a proper outfit, make your way through your window and gently do your best to refrain from yelping every time your hand would slip from the railing that’s keeping your balance

bokuto, pulling up seeing you on your roof: you’re so strong 🥺👉👈

you, barely alive: all for you baby ❤️

he helps you get down from where you stood and he had the prettiest smile on earth i SWEAR when you immediately sank in his cold chest

he apologizes for making you sneak out like that BUT NUH UH YOU DO NOT LET HIM

he is a gift !!! and you knew how tired he must’ve been too since he kept yawning but he still took the time and energy to pick you up 🥺

he fastens your seatbelt in the car and puts the windows up because he knew that the air would get in your face and you didn’t like that

he even brought you a spare hoodie of his because he remembered how much you swooned over this particular fabric

bokuto: we’ll get you some coffee but you can sleep while i drive, ok babe?

you, trying not to cry: are you single because i really want to kiss you

bokuto, kissing your cheek: i’m dating someone i’m sorry

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anonquack · 3 years

Text

| Give In |

Alex Quackity x Reader, Oneshot!

Word Count: 1858

Warnings: None!

Summary: The twitter trending page brings attention to some feelings you and Quackity had been avoiding, but it also allows you two to admit said feelings.

As a fairly popular streamer, it wasn't uncommon to see your name on the Twitter trending page every once in a while. However, it had never been for something quite like this.

It was currently trending at #6, viewers going crazy over certain interactions that had happened during Quackity's stream.

Now, it wasn't uncommon for you to be on Quackity's streams, and it certainly wasn't uncommon for either of you to act the way you had acted during that night's stream. But something was obviously different this time around.

The trend was regarding a possible relationship between two content creators in the same community, and consisted of people freaking out over certain clips of that night's stream or other people bringing other clips from months prior explaining their theories on how this has been going on for months now.

It wasn't necessarily a bad thing, seeing the world associate you with Quackity in such a way. I mean, he was funny, and he was certainly attractive. But it didn't make it any less strange.

You had been scrolling through the trending hashtag, looking at the tweets and crazy theories some viewers had come up with, nervously biting at your nails, perhaps a laugh here and there at the tweets that were ridiculously far fetched.

That night's stream was like any other, a casual Jackbox stream with a few other content creators in the same friend group, a rather chill, yet chaotic, stream. It had started perfectly fine until halfway through, the jokes and verses shared didn't seem like jokes anymore, nor did they stop coming. It wasn't weird or uncommon for the viewers to witness you flirting with Quackity or vice versa. But it had never gone to this extent.

It was always a fair balance of "I hate you so much" mixed with flirty remarks here and there. That night's stream had just been nonstop flirting though. And at the moment it didn't seem too bad, it felt natural, you were comfortable behaving that way with Quackity.

After stream ended, everybody had said their goodbyes to each other and you'd gone to lay in bed to use your phone. Only to be slapped in the face with the fact that you and Alex were now trending because people were freaking out over the idea that you two might actually be dating or into each other.

How much of the bullshit you two were saying during the stream was actually real feelings and how much was for a bit? That was Twitter's current Hot Topic.

Watching the clips now made you realize how some were really out of pocket, and things that friends do not say to each other. Your hands moved on their own and soon enough, Bad was on the other end of the line, asking if you were okay.

"Bad," you breathed out after hearing his voice, "The people think Quackity and I are actually dating. Or into each other."

"Mm yeah, I saw on Twitter shortly after the stream ended.." He said, as you gently continued to bite at your nails.

"I.. rewatched the clips and I can kinda see why it was taken that way."

"I mean, it was just for a bit, no?"

"That's the thing."

".. What do you mean, Y/N?"

"It started off as a bit.. but lately it's been happening off stream too and.. I don't know. My feelings are all over the place and I'm just so confused."

Your small ramble was met with silence, Bad trying to do his best with this new information, and scrambling to look for supportive words that could help his friend.

"Oh–" He paused, before continuing, "Have you talked to him? Maybe try and see how he feels about it trending? Or just the fact that people think you guys are dating? His reaction could be telling of how he feels."

Bad's words were ringing against your temple. His suggestion was for you to straight up ask Quackity how he felt about being associated to you romantically. That sounded like an absolute nightmare.

After a few minutes and more reassuring words, the call ended and you felt this sense of courage wash over you. Bad had motivated you enough to feel like you were strong/brave enough to confront Quackity. Before anything could take place, you received a message from none other than Quackity.

Quackity Have you seen?

Y/N

Call me

It didn't take even a few seconds for your phone to start ringing.

"Y/N" He breathed out, it was obvious that this was affecting him as well. How, exactly? You weren't too sure. He could be bothered at the idea of dating, or maybe he was confused as well.

"They think we're dating." You said softly.

"They do."

There was silence for a bit before you spoke up again.

"And how do you feel about that?"

"I don't really mind it."

His words shocked you, but they came out with the same smoothness you had grown to like over the last few months. It was a tone he only used with you, whether it be during a stream where you two were bickering over stupid shit, or off stream just randomly talking and complimenting the other.

It was the tone he used late at night on call, the tone that sent shivers down your spine, interlacing and dripping down like honey, yet you'd shrug it off, claiming the AC was up too high.

After a moment, you finally respond.

"Yeah? How come?"

"They've thought that for several months now."

"But it doesn't bother you? They're shoving you into a relationship with your friend."

"Does it bother you?"

Silence again.

"No.."

"How come?"

"..don't know."

There was a small pause, you could hear your heart beating rapidly in your ears, scared of what he'd think at the small confession. But he didn't say anything, swiftly changing the topic instead.

"I watched the clips."

"Me too."

"I can see where they got those ideas from."

Silence. Before he continued.

"Y/N, there are clips that are months old. Just you and I flirting with each other. Me offering a kiss, you threatening to take my kiss privileges when I take a joke too far. You telling me to shut up, the random 'I miss you's and interactions on other people's streams, the way your voice softens when you join my late night streams just to talk to me.. so many different things."

As he talked, you couldn't help but close your eyes in- almost shame- nervously biting at your nails as multiple thoughts raced through your head, possible feelings that might have been buried in order to avoid any awkward confrontations. His listing continued and it only made you more anxious.

"I saw them. I saw, Quackity. I'm not fucking blind." Perhaps it came out harsher than you wanted, but he certainly wasn't helping.

His voice softened now, noticing the tone in your voice, but continuing to make his point. "And that doesn't even include the things we say off stream, Y/N."

There was silence ringing through the call once again. It was a moment for both of you to process everything that had been said so far. Try to decipher what it could possibly mean for the both of you.

"What does that mean, Alex?" Your voice no longer held that harsh tone to it, instead there was exhaustion. Having so many thoughts was draining.

"It could mean anything we want it to mean. I'm sorry for pushing all of this on you now, but twitter has just.. let's just say it's got me thinking."

His words made a small laugh escape your lips, and at the sound of your laugh, a small laugh left his lips as well.

"No, it's fine. I've been thinking about it too, and this conversation really helped clear up my confusion."

"What were you confused about?"

"My feelings. Y'know, towards you and stuff." The last part came out more as a mumble as you finally gave your nails a rest, letting your hand fall down onto your lap.

A small hum came from the phone's speaker, as if he was humming in agreement. "Then this cleared up my confusions as well."

Looking at the time, you realized that the two of you had been talking for a while now, and you were definitely feeling exhausted. He probably was too.

"Alex."

"Yes?"

"Thank you. I feel a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. It was.. nice, talking about this with you."

"I should thank you as well, you really.. opened my eyes."

This earned him a small laugh from you, before you sleepily rubbed at your eyes that were now stinging a bit.

"Lets sleep on it, yeah? There doesn't need to be any.. labels, or anything of the sort. We can figure it out along the way." You suggested.

He didn't say anything for a bit before he let out a small sigh. "Yeah, sounds good. But now that I've sort of acknowledged these feelings I was repressing, I'd eventually like to act on them."

"Of course. I do, too. But I'm just saying.. we don't have to do anything about it now. Lets just get some rest, hm? You sound pretty tired."

You lay on your bed, getting comfy with your blankets, half your face smudged into the pillow, phone resting on the pillow, speaker loud enough for you to hear his response.

"I am pretty tired. Are you going to sleep, too?"

"I am."

"Then.. lets fall asleep on call."

This wasn't necessarily strange, or uncommon. It was just that neither of you had really ever said it out loud, it just happened when you two had talked too late into the night and one of you eventually fell asleep. You felt a warmth spread across your chest, nodding before realizing he couldn't see you.

"We could do that."

There was shuffling at the other end of the line, presumably Quackity getting into bed.

After that, you two continued conversation, small talk regarding whether he had eaten today and what he had done prior to the jackbox stream, until eventually the two of you fell asleep.

There didn't have to be any labels yet, or any announcement to the viewers. What mattered was that you and Alex were comfortable, and that you figured out what both of you wanted, and whether or not it was being together.

You were in it for the long haul, as a friend or as a lover, you didn't know, nor did it matter. All you knew was that as long as Alex Quackity was present, everything would be alright. No matter any labels or Twitter trends.

In fact, perhaps the Twitter trends weren't too bad. It had made you realize your feelings for your cute friend that was now sleeping, on call with you, who knows how many miles away. It was a heartwarming thought.

When it comes to Alex Quackity, it is impossible to not give in at some point. Give in to the possibility of love and friendship. At your own paces.

#alex quackity #quackity #quackity x you #quackity x reader #quackity x y/n #gender neutral reader #quackity brainrot #quackity scenario #help pls #streamer #quackity headcannons #quackity imagines #no labels

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physicalturian · 3 years

Text

[G] Gentle summer - Rengoku Kyojuro x GN!Reader - Part 7

[Contains spoilers from the movie, and the manga] [No pronouns used for the reader, no physical description; Everyone +18]

Words : 11 509

Archive of our own

Warning: nudity / Intimacy / Prepare some tissues

Inspired by those works : First Second Third on Twitter

— Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6 -

I am seeing him again today, was the only thought running without ever stopping in my mind. Thrill and excitement were filling my entire being. That energy was put to good use by walking a lot, I barely saw time fly by. We did stop too many times for my taste, but complaining would do me no good. Instead, I was counting down the remaining distance until we reached the estate. I received a few comments from the most daring recruits, when my pace started getting too fast. Uchiyama was the recruit in question, he did not feel one ounce of fear towards me, even knowing I was his captain. He had put a hand on my shoulder and frowned. “Captain, are we in a hurry or something?” was what he had told me the time I dared speed up.

Chuckling, almost bashfully, I’d shaken my head and slowed down, “You are right, there is no rush. Should we take a break and eat?” When I heard the small voices behind agreeing, we all thought it best to settle for a while and have lunch. It did not take them long to finish their meal, even amidst their laughter and jokes. I was glad to see them so carefree after all they had been through. The look in their eyes had changed from the time they had joined the corps; they had lived through events that shaped the soul in the most awful ways, and I could see it in the absence of a glimmer in their gaze. Even with that change, I had them alive by my side and matured, it was the closest I could get to a success.

Losing myself in thoughts, I pondered more.

We had suffered losses, but what better way to mourn than to remember the good times we had and to keep living? To best honor the dead is to live a life we would define as worth it. Not to let others define it, but to feel in the depth of our core that we made the best of it, in our own way. Then again, everyone mourned differently. Takeshi and Daisuke were proof of that. The former had needed a lot of time alone; everyone had been there to support him, trying to joke around and to keep things as they were before all of it happened. Daisuke, while he kept a huge smile on his face, saw more than he should have at such a young age. He played it off, he kept his armour on, even if sorrow was written all over his face.

Many recruits were aware their friends died somehow, but they did not see it unfold in front of their eyes. But Daisuke had seen his partner get killed in front of him. It left him scarred, in the depth of his being, thatI knew from the relentless nights I spent by his side trying to calm his night terrors. Only time could help with the things he had gone through, but being with others that had lived through some of those things with him also had helped greatly. Seeing them knit-tight close was heartwarming.

It almost made me forget what was coming, what we were all getting ready for. Blinking out of my thoughts, I had come to the realization I was not participating much in the conversation.

I kept a certain distance from them when I was eating a bit further away. However, the distance was more than physical. I hated myself for doing so, but I could not let them get too close in case I lost them during this last battle. That thought crossed my mind too many times during this entire mission. Every time one of them came up to me for help, for advice, or even friendship, I would welcome them, but my heart would tell me it was a bad idea. Yet, I kept telling them to not hesitate if they needed to talk. A wrong move was the only way I would describe it, but I was their mentor, and we all needed some reassurance from time to time. I was the main provider of that reassurance, no matter how much I tried to talk sense into my actions of getting close to them.

“Captain! We should resume, I believe we just might arrive by lunch if we walk a bit faster,” Hana said enthusiastically. She helped everyone pack after I told her we could do that, adding that it would be great to have a warm meal and see everyone. I kept to myself the excitement I was feeling to finally see Kyojuro again; it was hard to do so with the little shivers I would get. The weather was far from cold, but the idea of seeing his beautiful face again, to be finally able to hold him, to enjoy more of him than that fleeting moment at the fireworks when our lips finally met, it sent energy coursing through my body.

As I was leading everyone, I could hear the loudest of my recruits talk in what they thought was a whisper, “Come on Jin, do you like the Captain? Is that why you’re all-“ Not wanting Jin to combust in embarrassment, I called out over my shoulder sternly, “Uchiyama, leave him alone. I suggest you learn the difference between admiration and love,” Pausing, I quickly added in a lighter tone, “Anyone would be amazed by my fighting skills, I could take you all in a fight,” I huffed jokingly. A few of them laughed and told Uchiyama he should keep his mouth shut, even adding that if the Captain was the one to reprimand him, he had fucked up. Seeing how everyone resumed talking merrily together, Daisuke approached me, bumping my shoulder, a bit too familiar for my taste but I let him.

“Say, you’re a bit quiet in the front. Is everything alright? You don’t seem excited to return to the estate,” Daisuke said, worry laced in his tone. His demeanor made him look smaller than he actually was, he acted shy and unsure of his movements, but all of that disappeared when he entered a fight. It was interesting to know he was the one I had seen fight with determination, with no hesitation in his motions, only raw strength capable of cutting body parts. He was the same man that had been by my side the entire month and throughout fights even as fear had overrun his body. Daisuke was a great addition to the corps and to my closer circle, even if I wanted to keep him away from me in case I lost him.

Looking at him with a playful smile, I lowered my tone and whispered, “If I may be honest with you, I am more than excited to return. However, it will not do us any good to have me all over the place,” I huffed a laugh, surprising Daisuke. A curious brow rose on his expressive face, “I’ve never seen you like this! Is there something waiting for you at the estate? Wait—is it the person you’ve been exchanging letters with?” He asked a bit too rapidly, his speech faster than usual from how thrilled he was. It made me chuckle more, my face heating up lightly, but I could blame it on the long trek we had started and not tell him I was flustered at the mere thought of Kyojuro. “It is, I have someone waiting for me,” and no words can really express how much I miss him, I thought, nodding with a chuckle.

“Can I ask who it is? I am curious now!” He asked in hushed whispers, a genuine smile adorning his features. Shaking my head, I rolled my eyes at how childish he sounded. But, it was heartwarming to see his interest, so I replied, “If you must know, it is the Fire Pillar-“ “Sir Rengoku! That is so grand! An intense man indeed, but definitely not as intense as sir Himejima, I remember my training with him…” He then started talking about his experience with Gyomei, I listened intently. For some reason, I preferred having him talk about himself than having him prying in my personal life. I still felt odd mentioning I was with Rengoku, no matter how much I loved him, simply because I was not sure people would take it well that we are having our own fun while a big battle was brewing.

I enjoyed having Daisuke talk by my side as we made our way back to the Butterfly Estate, of course I would not let him have a monologue, I would intervene and ask questions. Everyone was bantering light-heartedly behind us, which almost made the situation normal; I did not know if it was on purpose, to try to keep this faux-semblance of normality or if they were really carefree. The latter would be hard to believe, considering all they had been through recently, but I liked the idea of still having them optimistic and hopeful. How ironic.

The further we walked, the faster my heart was beating. I thought talking with Daisuke would help calm my rapidly beating heart, but all it did was embarrass me. I would sometimes stammer, my speech being faster than what it would usually be. That’s when I decided to keep my tongue in check and not speak as much as I would have liked. Daisuke did not find any inconvenience to that; I had seen his short smile the few times his gaze would look at the way my hand was clenching the handle of my sword. If I did not do that, I would have been drumming my fingers or playing with my hands from how stressed I was.

It took us a few hours of walking to finally reach the estate. Fortunately, the sun was high above our heads, meaning we had arrived around midday. It means more time with him, I thought eagerly. I had to take a deep breath to stop myself from running to the doors and tried my hardest to slow my pulse down. Everyone was chattering happily, some saying they could use a bath, others craved a bowl of rice, and I knew the quiet ones were longing for a good night’s sleep in a warm futon.

I longed for his arms. I wanted to run all around the estate to find him and throw myself at him, not caring if anyone was watching, not caring if he’d fall down. Would he be as excited as I was? Would he allow me to be this open? I am sure he would, he has never been discrete even before we officially got together, I thought with a smile.

“Captain, you can go find him if you’d like! I’ll get everyone to their room-“ “No, it’s alright. I am not that desperate,” a lie. A blatant lie. The pressure in my chest was insufferable, my insides were churning, more shivers ran down my spine with each step I took towards the mansion. If I put more thought into being aware of my entire body, I would feel how my feet were uncoordinated and my hands were clammy. Excitement was at its peak, and I knew I was more than desperate. I was aching to hold him, to touch him, to love him… “If you say so! We should hurry and get some food,” Daisuke startled me out of my thoughts.

Telling everyone to walk ahead, I made sure to secure the gate once we had stepped inside. They all seemed as excited as children on a field trip to the forest. I had a hard time feeling like that because my mind kept wandering to the thought of Kyojuro. When the recruits entered the estate, I stepped around the building and made my way to where I believed Rengoku could have been training his group. I made sure to hide my presence to not startle him and keep him focused. “One, two, three, and again! The other way, one, two, slash! Good work, good work! You are all improving greatly, I am sure we can go even further! Let’s try this again,” Hearing his voice made my heart burst with joy, but I kept my composure and leaned from behind the wall to catch a glimpse of his features.

I was caught off guard when I realized a new scar was adorning his beautiful face. While it was covered by an eye patch, I could see the pinkened skin on his cheek. All my excitement turned into panic, what had I missed? What had happened that left him like that? “You! Come here, try with me. If you manage to hit me, everyone gets a break, let’s begin!” I heard him speak loudly, his voice roaring like thunder as always. I got startled when he had called out the recruit, then realized he was not talking to me and sighed in relief.

He was smiling broadly, his hair sticking to his face as usual even if it was tied back. He did not seem to mind one bit to be lacking part of his sight and yet I could not help but feel pity. Would he want that? I do not think so, but there was no helping it. I wanted to interrupt him and talk to him aside, but seeing him training so hard, his determination unchanged and his skills just as sharp, I had to let him work.

Deciding to leave him alone until he would retire to his chambers, I turned around and was about to walk back to my recruits when my path was blocked by someone. That someone being the Sound Pillar.

“You’re back, why don’t you go talk to him?” He puffed his chest, his arms low on his stomach, hands hidden in the huge sleeves of his attire, as he looked at me with what looked like disdain. He seemed changed too; just like Rengoku, he had an eye patch. His was a lot less simple however, it was covered with little jewels. The married man was not wearing his Pillar outfit either, no. Instead, he had his hair down and had opted for a kimono that was very loose on the top, enough to show off his muscles. While I wanted to think he was showing off, the weather was warm and heavy, which could explain his attire. Trying to act casual, I shrugged, “He is busy,” I said off-handedly, looking to the side.

“See, you can’t look away now! It’s awkward enough that you’ve stared and all,” He grumbled, I quickly apologized, meeting his eyes again with a small smile. “God, you’re making this so awkward and for what?” He scoffed, annoyed, before gesturing for me to follow him with a motion of his head; as I did, I asked in all seriousness, “Do not be frustrated at me, how would you feel if when you returned from a long mission everyone had changed drastically?” The man had since calmed down and looked over his shoulder, his gaze observant and calculating. “Change is a big word, don’t you think? I like to say we were sketches, drafts, and now we are the final product, that is all.” He said, in the hopes of sounding poetic perhaps. “Each stroke is what makes the art, right? You paint over the lines you don’t like; you leave the one you feel makes it better, and sometimes when you accidentally brush over the paper, it looks great. Accidents are great.”

Offering him a slight chuckle, not really getting his metaphor, I nodded as I sat down when he did. He had guided us back inside, in one of the tea rooms and had gestured for me to pour us a cup each. I did not comment on his words. “What happened?” I asked as I brought the burning cup to my lips. It was not the greatest weather to drink such a warm beverage, but I enjoyed it, nonetheless. “You cannot ask someone how they got their scar-“ “Uzui, I am serious. Is there anyone that did not make it? Why was I not made aware of all the damage everyone had taken?” His demeanor changed greatly. While he had an air of playfulness, light-heartedness even, seconds ago, now he looked at me sternly.

Sighing, he leaned back on one hand and brought one knee closer to his chest, “The district was attacked, I am retired, nothing more,” He paused, giving me a long stare before continuing, “For the others, it happened at the swordsmith village. No one died, I think Ren took the most damage and he is doing great, as you’ve seen,” I had. I had seen how he looked, but even behind this enthusiastic attitude, I was certain he was exhausted and in pain, he had shared that at least through his letters.

I felt hurt that he had not told me about his injury, but I could not feel anger yet. He must have had a good reason to do so, and to find out I would have to talk with him. “Are you retiring with your wives or will they be continuing-“ “Of course I’m retiring with my gals! I’m just here to help train recruits, they need to be in perfect shape if they want to be able to carry my legacy,” He said with a loud laugh, I joined him in his joy with more modesty.

He had indeed not changed much, but there was still something different about him. Uzui had always been mature, as much as it pained me to admit it, but he seemed even more so now. What had he seen at the district, or perhaps had been through, that shaped him like that? I could see in his eyes he wanted all of this to be over, he wanted peace, to return to his wives’ arms and to relax. The time was nearing when he would be able to do so. And when that time comes, I will have a sunken feeling in my chest that will only be shaken off by our victory.

“You’re still stupid to not go talk to him, the man’s been blabbering without ever stopping about you,” He quirked a brow, looking at me curiously and added, “I do not know what you’ve been exchanging in those letters of yours, but it fired him up to a point where we can barely have him take a break,” Leaning forward, he took a sip of his tea then raised his index as he added “The recruits are definitely paying the price, I hope you’ll apologize to them.” A laugh of relief and joy escaped my lips upon knowing Rengoku had been encouraged by my letters. However, I did not know which part had had him in such a state; was it the dream of a peaceful life together or my lewd words? Whichever it was, a funny feeling settled in my stomach.

I leaned forward, resting my elbows on the small table in front of us, “I am glad it helped him as much as it helped me, I will admit it was very tense out there and-“ I paused, shaking my head, “I’m sure it is not of your interest how everything went down, so tell me,” Looking up at him again, I smiled and continued, making sure not to shove my cup with my elbow, “What made you want to retire? What happened in the district that led you to this decision?” His face turned sour, his gaze diverting to the cup he was holding for a short moment. Slowly, he set it down and looked at his lap a moment before lifting his head high once again. “This,” He spat, pulling his left sleeve to show his hand, or lack thereof. It was still bandaged, but I was not sure it was because it was still healing.

From his attitude, he seemed angry to show it, if not ashamed. What I knew was that he did not need pity, so I held back from showing shock on my face. Instead, I breathed out, “I can understand the change in career,” His face lit up in surprise, then he let out a loud laugh. “Yeah, kind of hard to fight now. But hey, that doesn’t mean I can’t please my women,” He said with a wiggle of his fingers. I had to give him a look at how vulgar it sounded. I still huffed a chuckle, “A lot of people are attracted to scars, I am sure Makio, Suma and Hinatsuru find you just as charming.”

I was taken aback when his cheeks turned redder. He tried to cover it by taking a sip from his cup, but I had seen it and found it relieving that even this loud man could be flustered from genuine compliments. “They’ve been great, I should be glad they’re not leaving,” I surprised myself when I reacted by instinct and leaned over the small table to hit the top of his head. The clutter of the cup hitting the tatami echoed, but I did not pay it any mind. “They are anything but shallow! How could you believe for even a second they would have left your side?” Seeing his eye widen in shock made me realize I had been louder than I had meant to be, and that maybe I had taken his words at heart. His situation could be compared to Rengoku’s, and if my lover had spoken those words to me, I would have reacted the same way I did right now.

“I am sorry for the outburst,” I whispered, sitting back on the pillow. “You have been through so much with them. So, even if insecurities are hard to reason with… you must realize how much they love you just from knowing they stood by your side even when you were the loudest man on earth, I would even say annoying,” I finished jokingly while still meaning every word. A change in his appearance would never erase all that they had been through together, I could only hope he would realize that.

He was looking outside while I spoke, and when I was done, he smiled sincerely, “I don’t need your speech, I am awesome, I know it,” He huffed, giving me a side look before adding, “But thank you, I am sure someone else would love to hear those words,” I knew full well who he meant, and I had planned on speaking them to him too, whether he needed to hear those words or not. If I was being honest with myself, fear was my first feeling upon seeing Kyojuro scarred, the second one was admiration and perhaps it added a charm to his bright face. A roguish look that I might become fond of without needing to put too much thought into it.

After this heartwarming talk Uzui and I had, he told me about what happened while I was away. How a lot of them almost died at the Red District, but also how they had defeated one of the Upper Ranks Six demons. From what he had told me, the fight was rough, but they had pulled through with little losses. The three young recruits that had been sent there while I was still here had pushed through and were now training with the Pillars. He briefly mentioned the fight at the Swordsmith Village, but since he was not there he only repeated what he had been told or what he had read in the reports he had been allowed to overview. He had not been able to see Rengoku’s report, but he had seen him come back, face and back bloody.

I felt sick hearing his storytelling, but kept a composed face. It was hard to fight the urge to run to Kyojuro and tell him all the things he wanted to hear, to hold him close and to reassure him. If I could, I would tell him to go back to bed and rest, I would even promise him I’d sing to him every day, every night, without ever stopping if that was what was needed to have him safe.

But I didn’t. I couldn’t. It would be selfish to do so, and he was doing great. At least, that was the façade he was showing. The truth is, I was not convinced he was alright, but Uzui’s words gave me hope that my lover was actually doing fine.

We talked for a long hour to catch up. It was enjoyable, even if we would usually bicker, we were adults and it felt great to be able to talk as such. What made us part ways was the grumble of my stomach after a while; it came with not joining the recruits for lunch.

I was told to go eat and rest, not only by Uzui but also by Sumi who had entered the tea room in case we needed anything. Dutifully, I followed their order and went to have a nice meal before going back to my room to unwind. It felt out of place reading and relaxing when people were training for a war. None had any will to take part in it, but as Gyomei said, one should not stop living in times of war.

So, relax I did.

I ended up daydreaming too many times on each page. My mind would drift off to the man I longed to embrace and caress, the one that was diligently working to improve the skills of the trainees only steps away from me. Oh, how I missed those warm days when I would practice in front of him, only to have him stand by me and touch me in innocent ways that would heat up my body in seconds.

With all the daydreaming I was doing, I decided to write my last report to focus my energy somewhere more useful before having a discussion with each of my recruits. I was able to do so since some had yet to go to sleep; those who did seemed to be sleeping peacefully from what I could see. Those who were still fully awake were talking together, trying to get their minds out of the dark thoughts that were plaguing them. They all welcomed me to their late-afternoon card games accompanied by deep conversations. It was relaxing somehow, even if we talked a little about what happened during our mission.

It all came to an end after a while when Kiyo slid open the door to the recruits’ dormitory and hurried to my side. Turning around to look at her with a confused expression on my face, she brought a hand to my ear, hiding her mouth as she whispered, “Rengoku is in his chambers, he is retiring for the night,” She stepped back, smiling happily. My face flushed rapidly, how did she know I was waiting for him to be alone to join him? Uzui was the obvious answer. Had he told the three girls to be on the lookout and to warn me as soon as he retired? Perhaps… If it was indeed the case, I could only be grateful.

I nodded, thanking her before excusing myself to the ones that had yet to fall asleep. Among them, Daisuke. He grinned broadly, “Have fun, Captain!” I threw him a dirty look that hopefully quenched his audacity, but it did nothing to help. The swordsman’s smile only widened before giving me a thumbs up. I shook my head with a scoff and a small smile before leaving.

Once I stepped outside the dormitory and made my way downstairs, I realized how quiet the estate was. It was one of those rare nights when we could hear the cicadas louder than anyone else around the place. Most of the lights were off, people had had their meal earlier than usual to go to sleep before the sun had even time to set. They were probably exhausted from training hard, and sleep must have hit them the moment their head hit the pillow, which was understandable from how intense the work they were doing was.

As I made my way around the estate, I was careful not to make a sound with my steps. I had left my getas down the stairs and had opted to walk about without them, only in my socks; it was safer if I did not want to awaken the sleeping beasts in the mansion. Some doors were open, which brought in fresh air inside, something very welcome after a long hot day. It was refreshing. Furthering my steps around, I noticed a light was still lit in Giyuu’s room. In all discretion, I went inside and blew it off. I had to hold back a chuckle when I saw he had the three most recent recruits in his room, poor thing, I thought. The demon girl that was also there was respectfully sleeping in her futon, the three others were all over one another. Only Giyuu was left far away, perhaps he knew how wild their sleep got and chose a safer spot.

I had to pause in my trek when the floor creaked under my steps. A moment passed before I could leave the room safely once I made sure they were all still asleep. The next stop was Rengoku’s room. As I approached his room, I hesitated for a moment to call it our room in my head, it did feel nice to call something ours. Huffing to myself, I looked ahead and saw the flickering of the light inside; it was a relief to see he was not asleep, it meant I could catch up with him.

Choosing not to knock, I stepped inside. To my surprise, he was not there. His haori was laying on the ground, but he was nowhere to be found. The worst scenario came to mind as I considered the idea that he had been taken; with heavier steps, I looked around only to see him sitting outside on the veranda. A sigh of relief left my lips; seeing him after so long made my heart soar and left me frozen on the spot for what felt like ages until I found the strength to step closer to him. Calling his name softly I had hoped he would turn around, but he was left unmoving.

It was surprising to be able to catch him off guard, but I jumped on the opportunity and made my way to him. I stepped down the small step separating the veranda and the grass to stand in front of Rengoku’s sleeping form. His arms were crossed, his usual determined frown had left his face, leaving him relaxed and soft-looking. Oh, I had missed him so much.

His eyepatch was on his lap, and by his side were some paper, a pen and ink. His dominant hand was covered in the latter, it was adorable to see and even funny, but I was not here to mock. I did not glance at what he had been writing, instead I pushed back the hair that was covering his face, leaning in and kissed his forehead, then his brow where the scar was crossing from a bit higher on his forehead down to his cheekbone. I felt him stir a bit in his sleep, his head moving on the beam on which it was resting as a frown drew itself on his face. Smiling, I leaned back and started humming a song I had sung to him many times, whether it had been in times of boredom or when he could not fall asleep. My goal was to wake him up subtly, calmly and without startling him.

That did not work out as I had thought.

Without even opening his eyes, Rengoku reached out for me. I stepped back in time to avoid his grip, then whispered his name hurriedly. This time, he woke up quickly and let his arm fall to his side when he realized it was me; his expression turned into one of surprise then into a look of sadness. Quickly, his eyes teared up, I rushed to his form and wrapped my arms strongly around him. “You are back already,” He breathed joyfully, his hand threading through my hair as he pulled me closer. “I am back,” I nodded, gripping his back tighter only to have him wince lightly.

I let go rapidly and tried to pull away to look at him, but he did not let go, “Give me more time, please, I need to hold you—come let’s sit!” Without ever letting go of me, he sat down then had me rest both of my knees on either side of him while he sat crossed-legged and wrapped his arms around my form. I held him just as tight, my arms around his head instead as I held him against my chest while my cheek was against his head. The angle was bad for my neck, but I did not care one bit. I could feel my heart thumping in my chest more strongly than it had ever been and warmth was spreading all through my body.

“Would it be alright if I did not let you go until the morning?” He mumbled against my chest. His words were inarticulate from how he was pressing himself against me. “I would really like that, but first I said I wanted to worship you… Right?” I whispered softly, kissing the side of his head before trying to cradle his beautiful face in my hands. He kept his face against it, not moving, his hands gripping the back of my kimono a bit tighter. “There was a reason it took me so long to reply to your letters, my love,” He was serious, but his tone was laced with sadness and uncertainty. A nervous laugh escaped his lips, then slowly, he pulled away, his face still looking down. “You’ve mentioned many times liking my eyes, and the way I looked at you and… I’m not sure you will feel the same now.”

As he looked up, he slowly opened his eyes, revealing a bright fiery orb on the left and a ghost-like colored one on the right. He was unsure, his eyes were deeply looking into mine for any sort of sign that I was going to leave or hated it. Instead, I pressed a deep kiss on his lips and grinned, “Why would I not like it? A wise man once told me that scars were battle medals-“ He chuckled, interrupting me, “Do you realize you had told that to me, first? You had said it made us unique,” He smiled beautifully, his stress slowly leaving. My eyes widened; he had remembered that? If I said that, why can I not heed my own words when it regards my own scars? I thought briefly, but then looked back at Kyojuro bashfully, “I was not wrong, but the wise handsomeman I am talking about also said…” I trailed off, my hands cradling his face as I kissed his cheek, then his cheek bone, then his eye-lid, the Pillar chuckled timidly at that but let me do as I wished.

“…that scars were beautiful and mesmerizing, like the stars adorning the night sky. And just like the night sky, I wish to look at you until I see a glimpse of the sun rising, or perhaps until one of us falls asleep. I wish to bask in the serenity you bring and never let my gaze strand away from how beautiful you are,” because I love you, I held back from saying so, but it grazed the tip of my tongue. Our eyes never left one another’s, and even as I stopped talking, he did not speak. He looked at me in a mix of awe, adoration and perhaps a part of him still hesitated and needed to be convinced. I could feel my cheeks heating up from how intense his gaze was but loved every second of his attention. It pushed me to talk with more boldness.

Leaning over, my lips hovered over his, what am I doing? Where does all this confidence come from? Were some of the many questions crowding my mind; I was glad my hands were on his cheeks, it stopped them from shaking. The thoughts of uncertainty in my head were not mirrored by actions as I breathed against his lips, “If I remember correctly, that same man had written in his letters that he would like to worship me respectfully.” I held back a moment, brushing my nose against his before planting a delicate kiss on his lips. He tried to return it, but I pulled away quickly, chuckling, “I would love to do as I promised, and worship you instead,” My tone was so low, I was not sure he could hear me, but from how his body tensed I assumed he did.

I let my hands slide down to his shoulders, my eyes never leaving his in case he felt like he did not want to continue. Slowly, my hands slipped inside his kimono and on his bare shoulders before lazily pulling the sleeves down as my hands slithered down his arms. “My love, I cannot express how much I wish for your hands on my body right now,” He started and grabbed my hands delicately, bringing them to his lips before placing a kiss on it, “But I wish to know you are good too, and if you’d allow me, I would like to strip you of your beautiful kimono and kiss-“ I had darted my gaze back to his exposed skin when the word ‘strip’ left his mouth.

He stopped soon after and lifted my chin for me to look at him, “Are you still not hearing my words? Do you not understand that my adoration will not stop the more unique you get, my love?” I replied with a weak ‘I understand’ but he was not convinced at all, “Look at me,” he said sternly. I smiled when he said so, there was nothing I wanted more in the world than to look at him, but I still felt like the gash on my back was not the most beautiful. But then again, I was sure that with time I could get over it, and that his sweet words could help me get that confidence faster.

“I am looking,” I said in a low tone. Looking was a good word, but gawking would have been more adequate. The more I looked at him, the more I was getting used to that slight change on his face, and I was liking it more and more. I had not intended to make him feel self-conscious by ogling, but I felt like I had done just that when he smiled timidly, “You are indeed, and so am I,” He chuckled as he leaned in and captured my lips tenderly. I was grateful he did not break the kiss fast, instead he brought his hands to my jaw and tried to bring me closer to deepen the kiss. It felt so right and so good, I mirrored his hunger with a bit too much passion and made him fall backwards.

I apologized so fast it made Rengoku laugh loudly as he let his head hit the ground, “It’s alright, I love the enthusiasm,” His eyes traveled from my face down to my body, then to my hands that were gripping his shoulders tight, “I would suggest you kiss me again to help the pain away, I am sure it would help,” Looking down at him in surprise, I felt my cheeks heat up again, but leaned over with a stupid smile to then kiss his shoulder instead of him. “There?” I asked playfully. “Or there, perhaps?” I asked again, this time kissing the junction of his neck and shoulder. “My love, you are playing a dangerous game, I would like to kiss your pretty lips,” He said with a reddening face, his hands traveling to my waist where he held me.

I left a trail of kisses from the side of his throat to his jaw to finally kiss him passionately on the lips where he grinned into the kiss, returning it just as happily. “Can I suggest something? For the two of us to do?” He asked, his eyes burning into mine with intensity. My body temperature suddenly rose, I looked at him with flaming cheeks and looked at his still bare chest from when I had slid the kimono off him. “Yes, but I cannot promise I can stay silent-“ He covered my mouth quickly as he sat up, his face burning bright while an embarrassed smile painted his lips, “That’s not—I am so flattered, dear, I truly crave your touch, but what I had in mind was slightly different, if not very,” He chuckled timidly.

With eyes wide, I pried his hand away from my mouth and stood up, “That is embarrassing, do not think of me as wanton-“ Holding my sleeve as he stood up, Rengoku kissed me softly, “Then I will take the blame, I have no shame in saying I want you.” As if in a rush, he let go of me and stepped inside, his hand held out to me as he said, “Stay there, I have a great idea, bear with me my love, simply,” He moved his arm up and down, gesturing at my form, “Stay right there—no, actually, come sit on the futon, yes, yes the futon!”

He was suddenly hectic. A very different mood from seconds ago when I thought we were about to finally be together in more ways than one. I humored him and knelt on the futon, my hands on my knees as I looked at him, pink scars covering almost all his back. I resisted the urge to stand up and kiss all of them, as hard as it was. The lion-like man was careful when taking something from the cabinet, his sleeves hanging on each side of him for he still hadn’t dressed back. “As a child, when Senjuro would get hurt, I would have him draw the shape of his wound on paper, then draw around it, or with it, to make something fun. It would always make him smile,” Kyojuro told me, his eyes drifting to nostalgia as he did so. I wanted to know more about his brother, and his family in general, but I hardly believe now was the time to ask more about it. He had something in mind, and I was curious to know what it was.

“If you are not convinced you are gorgeous, even with scars, then let’s make it a real work of art!” His words were accompanied by his placing of a painting palette on the ground. A glass filled with dirty water and a few brushes were put on the ground too with just as much care. He then looked at me determined, but his gaze was searching mine for any sort of unease, just like before when he had revealed his eye. This time, I was hesitant, “You are suggesting I paint my-“ “I am suggesting to paint your back, your scar, with something so beautiful you will see it the way I do! And if you would like it, you can do mine too,”

Looking at him for a moment, I considered. My eyes trailed to the paint, then the tools around it to finally look back at Rengoku. He was already tying his hair back to get it out of the way. Seeing how thrilled he seemed by the idea, I thought it would not hurt to try; it was also an excuse to have his hands on my body, which rendered the idea even more appealing. Those weeks apart had made me crave his touch so much I was desperate for it.

“I will do yours first, if you do not mind. It will give me time to get used to the idea,” I smiled while mentioning him to turn around. A broad smile displayed itself on his face when his cheeks flushed pink, “Thank you for indulging me, let me-“ leaning over, he held my face between his hands gently and kissed me tenderly once again. The love dripping from his action made my heart beat faster, I kissed him with the same fervor, perhaps too much as my tongue tried to pry open his mouth. He pulled back laughing shyly; his thumb brushed over my lips while his expression was one that confused me. He seemed very concerned and happy at the same time. He was even about to say something but held back. Seconds after, he said, “I missed you so dearly, please, don’t be scarce with your touch.”

A breathless laugh escaped my lips while I nodded, “The thought never crossed my mind, now turn around,” I chuckled. Rengoku seemed insistent on looking at me and resisted when I placed my hands on his shoulders to turn him around. I laughed at that, for I struggled greatly seeing how unmoving he was. “Kyo, can you please turn around,” “Then I can’t see you!” He complained playfully. Pointing at the full-length mirror in the corner of the room, the one that was turned to face the wall, I said, “Then we move there, would that be better?”

After his approval, we moved to the front of the mirror after turning it around to face us. The man sat with his back straight, his hands resting on his knees as he looked at me thanks to the mirror. I had not realized he was doing so until I was done with mixing some paints to have some dark brown and had brought the paintbrush to his back. When I did, I looked over his shoulder and could see him smiling broadly, to which I said, “Is there something on your mind?”

“The same thing has been on my mind for the past four weeks and I am more than glad that my thoughts have manifested themselves today,” He winked flirtatiously. Feeling my cheeks flush, I told him to lean a bit forward all while pushing his head gently. He rested his elbows on the ground, his chin in his hands. Before starting the painting, I could not stop myself from kissing his shoulders. It earned me a giggle and a soft-spoken “Don’t be shy, your lips are welcome all over my body,” I followed his words and peppered kisses all over his scarred back, making sure to kiss each individual one. When I was done, I could see his face had reddened greatly and he was still looking at me in the mirror, his eyes glimmering with joy.

When I brushed the first stroke of paint on his back, he tensed suddenly but not without making a high-pitch sound of surprise. “I am sorry, is it cold?” I asked worriedly, pausing with my free hand on his shoulder. Turning his head slightly, he pressed a kiss on my fingers and shook his head, “I am a bit ticklish; those brushes feel like feathers on the skin, I was caught off guard,” He explained before positioning himself like he was before. Humming, I resumed my painting. From the beautiful pattern on his back, I could see a big tree that started more on the left of his back before growing up to his shoulders, the branches reaching across his shoulder blades and one over his left shoulder.

A few minutes passed; I was focused on the art that was happening in front of me. It was also irritating me faintly that I could not touch him properly, I wanted to hug him and fall asleep in his arms and as enjoyable and intimate this was, I wanted more. I needed to think of something, that’s why I asked out loud, surprisingly at the same time as the Pillar, “Should we start thinking of a name for our four-legged friend?” was what I said, Rengoku however was on a different note, “I am sorry for not talking, you are just so beautiful-“ He apologized for speaking at the same time as I did, so did I. Both of us laughed nervously. With a short gesture, he told me to go on, but I had heard his words, so I teased.

“Uzui told me my letters lifted your spirits,” I started, his face flashing in surprise then embarrassment, “Tell me, which part made you the gladdest?” Don’t start, I told myself. You cannot be this touch-starved to start something in the midst of an innocent painting, I scolded myself internally. I had finished the trunk of the tree, and was now mixing the colours to create a pink shade. Was I confident in my cherry tree leaves making? Not entirely. But I was going to give it my all. “Thinking of retiring with you!” He said a bit louder than he had spoken the entire time we were together. A disappointed “Oh,” escaped my lips without even going through the thinking phase. I quickly looked up to tell him it was nice, to add I was not disappointed, but when I saw his look in the mirror it had darkened. It was not as joyful as usual.

It was not sad either, but the smirk on his lips definitely helped me gauge the emotion portrayed on his face. “My love, are you disappointed?” His hand slowly reached behind to touch my knee. His fingers deftly helped the hem of my kimono out of the way to finally touch my bare skin. I had since stopped painting and was now staring right at him in the mirror. A huge innocent grin made its way to Kyojuro’s lips, “Would you rather I had said the idea of feeling your body against mine once again was what fueled me to get up, in more than one way, in the morning?” The brush was thrown on the wooden plank where the paint was as I leaned my head over his shoulder and slithered my arm to the opposite shoulder to cover his mouth.

I rested my chin against his collarbone and breathed out nervously, I felt him smile behind my hand. “Why are you being naughty now of all times?” I asked, my voice barely above a whisper. Prying my hand from his mouth, the beautiful man pressed a kiss in the palm of my hand, “Because you have started it, I am only now joining in on the fun,” He then gave me an innocent look, the one he would usually have, as if he was not trying to rile me up, “I will stop if you ask me,” “I am not—I have not said that.” With the tip of his index and thumb, Rengoku lifted my chin and kissed me softly. The angle was not the best for such actions, but I melted into it without hesitation. “Very well, I am glad to hear it. Do not stop painting my love, I am impatient to see the final product!” He grinned enthusiastically.

Getting myself together, I leaned back and realized I had paint over some parts of my Kimono, “I dirtied my kimono because of that, I will blame it on you,” I said playfully, earning myself a loud laugh from the Fire Pillar as he added, in that same tone, one that is almost carefree, “Do not worry, we will dirty it even more,” He threw me a soft smile mixed with something I rarely saw on his face, arrogance? Pride? He added, “That is… if you’ll allow me, of course,” Bringing the back of my hand to my forehead, while still holding the brush between my fingers, I wiped the non-existent sweat, then resumed painting.

“My dear, if you keep that up, you might regret it,” I trailed off, my eyes staring right at his for a mere instant before focusing on his back once again. The pink was beautiful adorning the top half of his skin, up to his shoulders and even a bit on his bicep. I thought to myself it did not look as bad as it could have looked, after all I had no experience in skin-painting, nor painting at all. I was no artist, only a fighter. Broadening his smile, he moved his elbow to rest it on his knee. He was still sitting tailor-style which made him look so good when he rested his cheek on his knuckles. The teasing expression adorning his features drew me in, even more after he spoke, “Regret? You are more than welcome to use me, if that is what you so desire. Your gaze has been more open than your words, for the former has the honesty the latter lacks,” I was about to tell him off when he said, “My apology, I meant that I can read the lust in your eyes, even if your words are reprimanding me for being… wanton, as you would describe it,”

While I smiled to myself upon hearing his words, I could still feel the warmth in my cheeks. The embarrassment was strong, but I still teased back, “You are the first thought in my cloudy mind when I wake up,” I quoted his words from the letters as I put the paintbrush in the water, the look on his face was such a sight I could not help but lean over his shoulder and kiss his jaw. “My heart and body long for you and your…” Looking at him in the reflection, I delicately let my hand wander down his stomach. My heart was speeding up and I could see his eyes looking down at my hands, curious, wondering if I would dare do it. “...Touch” I then undid the knot of his kimono to feel him more, to have one of us act the words shared through those letters when his hand stopped me at such a speed I gasped silently.

A tight smile was on his lips. I loved seeing him like that, not fully out of control but trying hard to resist the inevitable; to resist the pull that was happening between us. Our long separation had only strengthened that need for intimacy, that need to be close, skin against skin, legs intertwined, breath mixing, and warmth shared under the blanket. “I have yet to paint your beautiful body, my love, will you be good and behave until I am done?” He asked with such a sultry look I was tempted to tell him there was no need to paint me, but he wanted to do it. So, I smiled stupidly, “You say behave as if I was a wild animal,” I chuckled, gesturing for him to turn around to look at the final product. He slowly did, while I focused my gaze on the reflection behind him.

He did not even glance at his back, instead he leaned over and kissed my neck softly while whispering, “Your wild, adventurous hands that needed to be caught to be stopped from going on a rampage, tell me otherwise,” I leaned my head the opposite side of his head to give him better access before even assimilating his words. His hair was tickling my throat as he trailed kisses higher on my skin, I gasped a laugh when his lips brushed over my ear then breathed, “Can you blame me? You have an addictive personality, and an even more addictive touch.” His chuckle was right next to my ear, I wanted to hear more of him. With his breath in addition, I felt a shiver run down my spine and looked at the door in case someone came in.

“And I am obsessed with your voice, but I have not made you moan yet, have I?” He huffed another laugh before kissing my cheek and leaning back. I was aware my gaze was flicking between his gorgeous eyes then his hands, many times. Before looking over his shoulder and into the mirror, Kyojuro looked me up and down, a proud smile on his beautiful lips, “Flustered, gaze askance and scared of being caught… Exactly how I had imagined it.” This effectively brought my eyes back to his in the mirror, this time with a pleasantly surprised smile, “Those letters of yours, they made me realize you had a way with words,” I started. He smiled, his beautiful eyes not leaving mine yet, “It made me wonder two things.”

Humming, he told me to go on all while gesturing for me to sit in front of him to start painting. My cheeks warmed up again at the thought of undressing in front of him. My fingers danced on the knot around my stomach while I spoke, “The first one being, if you have such a way with words, how come I have never received a poem?” I said playfully. It made Rengoku panic, his paintbrush falling from his hands as he looked at me with wide eyes. I quickly spoke before he could, “I am teasing. I was only wondering one thing, I would never be entitled enough to ask for a poem,” I said off-handedly.

This made his face burn bright red as he looked at me intently, “I have written many poems!” He said loudly, smiling. That smile turned more timid when he said, “About the one that is always on my mind, the one that makes my heart sing louder than cicadas in the summer. The one that keeps surprising me, no matter the amount of time spent together; I keep getting caught off guard by the words escaping from that someone’s mouth…” He said gently, his tone slowly turning deeper, more sultry. I felt like a comedian on stage, everything was pointing at me, I had all his attention, and I could not run. When he uttered the last word, his face was over my shoulder and he was smiling genuinely at me, “That someone is you, if you had not understood.”

“I had, I… am flattered. Maybe I will write you a song-“ Feeling like a great idea had struck me, I turned to look at him quickly, bumping our noses together. Both of us laughed as he put a bit of distance between us, “I could put a tune to your words, I could sing them—perhaps write words of my own to have you properly flattered,” I chuckled. A sound of surprise caught in my throat when Rengoku kissed me passionately, stopping my sudden rant and calming my burst of enthusiasm. When our lips parted, he stared at me lovingly, “I love this idea, I love it very much.” I giggled nervously, feeling stupid for doing so but did not add anything else. After a moment passed, he turned my head towards the mirror and gestured at my kimono as he said, “Now, what were you wondering upon reading my letters?”

I scoffed, my fingers dancing on the knot of my kimono, “I would hate to ruin the sweet mood that has been set, maybe I shouldn’t-“ Kyojuro wrapped his arms around my waist and pried my hands away from the knot I was not undoing to do so himself, all while talking and looking at me in the mirror, “Do not play a prude when your hand was between my legs minutes ago, my love,” He said softly. The tone was not depicting the actual insinuation of his words, which made it even more attractive that it was just from being spoken by him. He kissed my cheek again, pulling the knot away from my form, “Go tell me, share your obscene thoughts with me! Who knows, I might just share them,” He winked.

I tensed when I felt his nails scratch the back of my neck slightly as he held the collar of my attire. He paused, hesitant but not talking yet. I gently pushed his hands away and took a deep breath; as I let it out, I dropped my kimono off my form and said, with a fleeting gaze, “I wondered if that well-spoken man would keep his manners in bed, if your way with words would remain if you felt good.” I kept my back straight, hoping that if I did so, I wouldn’t shy away from his gaze. My confidence was a lie; even if I kept my head high and I had changed the topic, I knew full well that a seed of insecurity was germinating in the corner of my mind.

My whole body stiffened when I felt the warmth of skin on my scar. I did not pull away, but even if I tried, hands were holding my waist. It made my escape impossible. “Did you know that not one tiger has the same stripes as the other? It is a way to identify them, but also shows how unique they are.” It was slightly helpful and funny, I did not move and listened to him as he traced his finger over the length of my scar, from the side of my hip to the middle of my back. Mumbling to himself, he said he would try again, and try he did. “Perfection is like beauty, everyone has their own criteria they wish to meet, for themselves or for others,” This time I could feel the brush on my skin and shivered, my hair rising on my arms and neck.

“Now, you cannot force anyone to meet the criteria you like or wish for, that would be hard, yes,” He paused, dipping the brush again, his eyes focused on my back, “What you can do, is look at yourself, and see what makes you unique, what defines you, what are your more prominent traits—you make all of those yours, you embrace the traits you like and work on those you don’t,” His gaze met mine in the reflection, with a sweet smile he kissed the back of my head and added, “And what you have to do, is trust your body, love your body, it has gotten you through so much that it deserves all the love and worth in the world. Give your beautiful self worth.” I could hear him smile, his face was behind mine as he leaned over my back to paint details.

“Because knowing you are worth it, you will understand that you are your own perfect, and that perfection is a state of mind.” There was a long pause as I took in his words, while I still felt exposed being uncovered on my top half; while it was something I had never done around him, I still felt comfortable. At least more comfortable than before. A question set on the tip of my tongue; I was hesitant to ask it. “I am sorry if I stepped over some boundaries, we can go back to your question-“ “Do you like it?” His eyes widened. He paused his strokes and looked over my shoulder, confusion adorning his oh so beautiful face. “The topic of before-“ “The scar, do you like it? I will not see it much; I can ignore it, but…” I trailed off, not knowing what I wanted to say more.

Suddenly, kisses were planted on my back, all over it, first on the side of my scar, then on my shoulder blades, to finally reach the top of my shoulders, “I absolutely do! What could be more attractive than knowing how strong you are? And willed, determined! You are so beautiful-“ He looked up, a big smile on his face. I had to hold back a laugh when I saw the green paint on his lips. He had kissed paint that had not dried yet but did not seem to care one bit. “You are my perfect,” He said softly, wiping the paint from his lips with a cute smile.

My throat tightened; emotions were getting the best of me at his kind words. Laughing nervously, I looked down and wrapped my kimono back around me loosely. A gentle tug on my hand made me look over my shoulder then fully turn to face Kyojuro. His face was hesitant at first, but he beamed at me then reached for both of my hands instead, his thumbs brushing over the back of them, “I am going to be selfish—will you bear with me?” Knots tied in my chest, it felt heavy suddenly, but I nodded, my joyous attitude dropping from his words. “I know we do not know the outcome of this final fight; I know that. I am an optimist, I believe in all of us, but anything can happen—that’s why, that’s why I-“ He took a deep breath, bringing my hands to his forehead as he sniffled. His voice cracked as he expressed himself; it broke my heart. Was he going to put an end to this dream-like partnership?

I never let go of his hands, instead I tightened them around his. There was nothing else I could do until he was done laying his heart bare. I was fighting hard the tears that were threatening to fall. What about our future plans? What about retiring? What about our dog? Was this all play pretend? Was I hopeful for nothing?

He brought my hands back to his lips and kissed the tip of my fingers,

“I know it’s selfish to lay it out like that, I know… But I love you, I love you so much. I want you to know it, and that is what is selfish about me. You told me once that I could be selfish, that selfishness was good sometimes,” He brought each of my hand on each of his cheeks, placing his on top to press them closer, “I need you by my side forever, I wish to hold you every night, to hear your voice when I wake up and when I go to sleep,” a kiss was placed on my palms, he then let go of my hands but I kept them there, holding him closer.

He leaned in, eyes teary with a stupid smile on his handsome face, “… to see you trip on the tatami, to have your hands in my hair and to eat the best food with you,” I laughed through my silent tears, a smile matching his adorning my lips, “To love you is all I want,” He whispered before kissing me tenderly. The stress I had put on myself thinking he was going to leave me left through laughs in the kiss, our teeth clashing from time to time but happily so as I pushed him back on his futon. “I love you too, you are my perfect, my safe haven, my home,” I punctuated everything by a kiss on his lips, his arms wrapped around my waist to keep me close.

“I will not let you go, no matter what happens next,” To emphasize my words, I wrapped my arms around his neck, it made him laugh as he rolled us around so that we were both on our side on the ground, looking at one another, “Neither will I, I will find you no matter what,” he pressed a soft kiss on my forehead, then stared at me lovingly.

I could feel my eyelids drooping, I was exhausted from today and crying did not help, “Kyo… I truly love you… But I also think you have put paint all over your futon,” I mumbled tiredly. He chuckled with the same tiredness and brought me closer to his chest, humming, “That is too bad, I am not moving,”

“Is it a problem for our future selves?” I asked playfully.

“Absolutely, it’s their mess, after all,” He mumbled, his lips against my hair.

With my final functional thought, I asked, “If you heard my words about selfishness… Would it mean you were not asleep?” I remembered mentioning it when brushing his hair and even though saying so was out of place, relief flooded over me when I had seen he had fallen asleep. If he had heard me, it meant he had not actually been sleeping.

“I don’t regret faking it, I was able to feel your sweet kiss, a shame I couldn’t return it,” He said tiredly, his words mumbled and inarticulate. It was enough for me to understand and lean in to press a lazy kiss on his lips, “It is never too late,” a breathless laugh escaped his lips as he returned it slowly, sleepily.

We then slowly fell asleep to one another’s reassuring heartbeats, basking in the serenity of today and not thinking of any tomorrows.

[Part 8]

#demon slayer #rengoku #rengoku x reader #demon slayer x reader #kny x reader #kny #kimetsu no yaiba #kny rengoku x reader #gentle summer #physicalturian #writing #writer #ao3 #ao3 writer #fanfic

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ficsforeren · 3 years

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This is so off topic to the tls talk, but I love how your blog just feels like one big group chat for Eren simps. I’ve never seen a writer so happy and genuinely interested in what their readers think, or even just to interact with the random Eren related content we send you. I feel like a lot of writers that have blown up for Eren fics act a little weird, uh I’m not sure how to explain it, I mean it’s valid sometimes considering the way this fandom harasses authors. I don’t really know what I’m trying to say lol, you’re just really great and I appreciate that.

As much as I want TLS to go viral and get the credit it deserves I kind of love that it’s like a little gem on tumblr, your readers really get to enjoy it without a mass amount of people here to ruin it. And it’s also not a fic that we’re reading just because it’s so overly hyped, this is genuinely good content. ALSO, THE EXTRA THICCC AND JUICY CHAPTERS 😩 I binged this fic when you were on chapter 8 I think and I was hooked from the first chapter, I never would’ve imagined a fic this detailed to be updated so frequently. I already told you how this fic feels a little personal to me, but you always have me feeling absolutely every emotion you write about, I love getting tingles at the little romance scenes. Btw your absolutely insane in the best way for writing 30k for the last chapter.💀

You are absolutely incredible, I genuinely believe you can do no wrong with your writing (I hope this is somewhat reassuring since you seem a little stressed about the ending), but I really mean it. Idk what you do for a living but if you aren’t perusing writing as an actual career I definitely think you should. PRINT TLS AND I WILL LITERALLY BUY IT NO JOKE! I’m so bad with words lol I feel like I can’t explain how much I adore you as a writer and a person 😭 Your fics are such a great distraction for me and I really appreciate them, I just really hope outside of your blog you’re happy and living a great life, you deserve it.❤️

Idk if you get hate or have any toxic readers but I just think you should know your work is appreciated. I didn’t mean for this to get so sappy oops😗 love you tho

oh no... you're gonna make me cry again

HERE COMES THE TEARS ASKDLFLDFMASD

honestly every time i see you in my inbox, i get so happy and excited because your messages are always so sweet and supportive, like omg girl, you don't know just how much your words mean to me. i always go back and read your messages again and again when i need to find some motivations to write. i've been having a hard time writing chapter 15 and the epilogue because I'm trying my best to meet your expectation but every time i re-read the stuff i wrote i'm like... man, i don't think this is good enough but i don't know what else i have to do to improve it 😭writing makes me happy but sometimes it can get a bit frustrating you know? i always feel like i have this wonderful scene i want to write in my head but when i put it down into words, it feels... meh. my vocabulary is limited, sometimes i know how to describe it my native language but i don't know how to write it beautifully in english. i lack imagination too and i keep repeating the same formula and sometimes it's just AARRGHHHH

i think it's because of that time when i wrote my first fanfic in EXO fandom. there was this one person i found on twitter who legit made a thread to make fun about my writings. my fic had almost 650,000 views and more than 28k subscribers so it was... pretty popular, i guess, at that time (personally i don't think so and i don't understand why it got recommended a lot by people). so this person made a thread and she was like, "can't believe people actually read this bullshit. i bet a thirteen years-old girl wrote it." and that... really hurt me. and i stopped writing for a while, i was so scared of being made fun of again. i guess that's what makes me feel so insecure about my writings, even to this day, so i'm very happy when people compliment me on my writings. and not just my writing, but also the effort i put into it. it makes me feel so appreciated so thank you so much 😭😭😭

and i think i'm just really lucky to have you guys as my readers. i only have 1.5k followers for this sideblog but all of you are so nice and you always give me feedbacks every time i posted a new chapter and that means A LOT to me. it keeps me motivated to write more and more. i don't mind if my chapter only gets a few notes, as long as i can hear your feedbacks and reviews.

thank you for existing, each and every one of you. i love you guys so much and i hope i can always make you guys happy with my stories.

#and bro you are SO GOOD with your words #you always managed to touch my heart EVERY TIME #seriously #AND THE MEME HAHAHAHAHAH #i'm actually planning to make a physical copy for the last song once it's ended for my personal collection hehe #oh and maybe another one for my beta reader #it makes me feel even more excited ngl hahaha #i do have a few toxic readers that sent me hate messages #i've responded to a few of them but i've been trying to ignore them nowadays #some hate me for yn's character #some for my fashion sense (yeah i do have terrible fashion sense)#a LOT of people hate me for shipping erehisu #a lot of people hate me for hating chapter 139 #but it's fine as long as they can still enjoy my fics #anyway sorry for rambling too much #this message is getting waaaayyy too long #i'm gonna stop now #BUT LET ME JUST SAY THAT I LOVE YOU SO MUCH #YOU ARE THE SWEETEST OF ALL THE SWEETS IN THE WORLD #STOP GIRL YOU'RE GONNA GIVE ME DIABETES #the last song canon

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ouyangzizhensdad · 4 years

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Phoenix Mountain Kiss and Consent/Boundaries in MDZS

The following opinion, expressed in the recent mdzs controversial opinion thread on twitter, is actually one I’ve meant to address for a while:

Even if most of fans loves the 'stolen kiss scene' in the Phoenix Mountain in the novel, that was a sexual harassment.

People in the fandom, especially those who were introduced first to the novel through cql, have a tendency to criticize the Phoenix Mountain kiss scene, saying it was non-consensual. My problem is not that they are wrong. The kiss is (or starts as, at the very least) non-consensual. My problem with this criticism is that people point this out as if it were a mistake. As if mxtx had meant to write a romantic kiss and had instead fumbled it all up and made it not consensual by virtue of not being woke, not being a good enough writer, or being too influenced by bl tropes. And that readers are too unsuspecting or not educated enough to realize the wrong mxtx committed.

Here’s my hot take: The kiss is non-consensual because it was written to be non-consensual. mxtx is not trying to pull the wool over our eyes. The reason why we, as readers, can infer that, is because the non-consensual aspects of the kiss are important to the events of the plot, some of themes explored in the book, lwj and wwx’s relationship after wwx’s return, and lwj’s character arc. mxtx uses this moment and its aftermaths, amongst others, to make a point about consent and communication in relationships--one of the central themes of the novel. Shocking, I know. Arguing that consent and communication are a main theme in mdsz: now that's a controversial opinion.

Now, I won’t argue mxtx always manages to develop this theme with utmost finesse. You can critique and disagree with her treatment of the theme throughout the novel (taking into consideration, as well, how it’s not just explored through lwj and wwx’s relationship). That being said, isolating events in the novel like the Phoenix kiss scene to mark them as Good or Bad without considering the context in which they happen and are explored within the novel is just bad literary analysis :/.

Let’s first consider this simple statement: the non-consensual aspect of the kiss is not accidental--mxtx knew it was non-consensual when she wrote it, and she wasn’t trying to hide that fact.

By the time we reach the Phoenix Mountain competition, lwj has accepted his feelings for wwx, and that these feelings will not be returned. After all, in the xuanwu cave, wwx took great pains to ‘reassure’ him that he is super-straight-and-totally-would-never-flirt-with-him. Yet, wwx continues to ‘flirt’ with him--tossing a flower at him just before the competition--which we can gather is a source of, um, great torment for him.

We are not privy to lwj’s thought process leading to the stolen kiss. What we know for certain, however, is how he reacts to and perceives his own actions after the fact. Through wwx’s unreliable narration, we can still understand that lwj immediately regrets his actions and feels uncontrollable anger towards himself and his lack of self-restraint. While wwx has more complicated and contradictory feelings bout the kiss, lwj clearly sees his actions as wrong and disrespectful. He is scared of what he has been capable of doing unto another person--pushing wwx away the moment he sees him after the kiss.

The person spun around. It was Lan Wangji after all. However, right now, his eyes were bloodshot, his expression almost frightening. Wei Wuxian was startled, “Wow, so scary.”

Lan Wangji’s voice was harsh, “Go!”

Wei Wuxian, “I just came here and you want me to go. Do you really hate me that much?”

Lan Wangji, “Stay away from me!” [chapter 69]

As readers, we are told that the Phoenix Mountain kiss, nor its implications, is not something to consider lightly. The fact that lwj’s reaction after the kiss is written in, and that it is so intense for someone usually so reserved, or the fact that we learn that more than a decade later he is still ashamed of himself and describe himself as having done something wrong (or, very wrong 很不对 ), all prove that the non-consensual aspect of the kiss is not an accident and is not downplayed as something to expect from someone in love with another person.

蓝忘机闷声道：“我，那时，自知不对。很不对。” [chapter 111]

I can already hear some people ask: even if it was not an accident, why chose to include a non-consensual kiss between the two romantic leads? if not because it is a bl trope/weird kink, why did mxtx chose to put this in her novel? what do we gain by including dubious consent or non-consensual interactions in our fiction?

The long-short answer is: because the act of crossing boundaries is a very productive story-telling device for any piece of media focusing on any type of interpersonal relationships. Crossing boundaries--willfully or unintentionally--is a source of conflict, internal and/or relational, which can drive the plot forward, shape character development and relationships, as well as be useful for certain thematic discussions.

Current discourses regarding consent in English-speaking, mostly-western spheres of the web tend to be very polarized, painting people who cross boundaries as bad. The solution presented (i.e. how to not be a bad person) tends to be an invitation for everyone, within any relationship, to constantly negotiate consent verbally and honestly: to constantly disclose boundaries, to constantly ask for permission, etc. While I do not dismiss the value of these suggestions, it is an ideal representative of certain socio-temporally specific cultural expectations of what communication is, how communication should happen, and how relationships should be like, etc.. Human relationships are messy, people are flawed and hurt each other, and we have complex internal lives (for instance, someone might not realize their wants or limits until they are faced with them). Instead of having media show us only a specific type of idealized relationships where boundaries are never crossed, ever, they allow us to explore the implications of boundaries within interpersonal relationships. Or, sometimes, media and fiction just aim to represent or are influenced by this very real part of human relationships, and use it as a way to create conflict within the narrative and relationships (sometimes in a interesting manner, sometimes in a very gross manner).

In mdsz, the Phoenix mountain non-consensual kiss is a two-fold source of conflict: internal (lwj) and relational. While wwx remains unaware until he and lwj are together of the identity of the person who kissed him, the implications of the kiss ends up shaping their relationship both before and after wwx’s rebirth.

A source of (unknown) conflict between lwj and wwx after he is summoned back from the dead is the fact that lwj believes wwx is aware of his feelings. But this conflict is further compounded by the fact that lwj has once forced his feelings unto wwx, and is utterly afraid that he would dare to ever do it again. That is why, every time wwx initiates physical contact, or flirts very deliberately with lwj, lwj never goes further than what wwx has initiated. Sometimes, he even de-escalates their proximity or level of intimacy (usually by asking wwx to “ 别乱动” or, famously during Drunk#2, by literally knocking himself out) --out of fear that he, again, would lack self-control and do something wrong to the man he loved. He never presumes he has the permission to push their relationship further than what wwx is offering. Without that added source of conflict, would it have been reasonable to expect lwj and wwx to have realized their mutual feelings earlier, even with the issue of lwj not being aware wwx does not know of his feelings?

“In the beginning, the reason for behaving in such a manner was to let Lan Wangji be disgusted with him and kick him out of the Cloud Recesses, and they would never have to meet again, going their separate ways. Lan Wangji couldn’t possibly tell what his real intentions were. Yet, [..] even when faced with Wei Wuxian’s various actions, tricks, and pranks, Lan Wangji never once lost his temper, reciprocating with restraint and courtesy.” [chapter 99]

That is all true, of course, until Drunk 3. Here again, the ghost of the stolen kiss plays a part in accentuating the conflict. Without it, would lwj have jumped to conclusions as quickly? And, plot-wise, the shared perception of wwx and lwj that they have taken advantage of the other is a source of conflict that does multiple things--it gives wwx an incentive to go look at the temple at night to distract himself from his guilt and sadness, instead of going the next day with lwj (at which point jgy would have had perhaps already left) and it keeps wwx in the dark about lwj’s feelings until lxc reveals to him the events of the past he has forgotten. Here again, issues of consent are clearly taken into consideration as a source of conflict, shaping both characters’ motivations and the events of the plot.

Finally, the theme of consent/boundaries is an important aspect of lwj’s internal struggle, particularly in relation to his father’s choices. The kiss is part of his journey.

It is not coincidental that the Lan motto is “Be Honorable”/”Self-restraint,” and that lwj is presented as the model Lan disciple. This element is part of the context that gives narrative and thematic meaning to the non-consensual kiss. When lwj forces a kiss on a blindfolded wwx, lwj goes against the values he holds dear and the teachings that were imparted unto him--prime internal conflict.

But what is also interesting, to me in any case, is how consent is the thing that ultimately differentiates lwj’s choices from his father’s.

How willing was Lan-furen to be saved by Qingheng-jun? to be taken to live in seclusion in the Cloud Recesses? to be married to him? to have children with him? The novel never tells us clearly. However, the novel gives us an idea of how lqr, lxc and lwj perceive their parents’ relationship. For lwj, we are given an insight into his perception indirectly during the following conversation between him and lxc.

[Lan Xichen] spoke, “Wangji, is there something on your mind? Why have you been so tense?”

Of course, in most people’s eyes, the ‘tenseness’ probably looked no different than Lan Wangji’s other expressions.

Lan Wangji’s brows sunk low as he shook his head. A few moments later, he replied in a low voice, “Brother, I want to take someone back to the Cloud Recesses.”

Lan Xichen was surprised. “Take someone back to the Cloud Recesses?”

Lan Wangji nodded, his expression pensive. After a pause, he continued, “Take them back… and hide them somewhere.”

Lan Xichen’s eyes immediately widened.

[…]

“Hide them somewhere?”

Lan Wangji frowned softly. “But they are not willing.” [chapter 72]

Indirectly, we come to understand that lwj draws parallels with his father situation: they both want to protect someone by taking them to the Cloud Recesses, but these persons are unwilling. The unsaid question here is, would I choose to do as our father did?

The non-consensual kiss is part of lwj’s journey, through which he comes to understand that, despite his strict upbringing and disciplined lifestyle that was supposed to keep him from becoming like his father, he is capable of being his father (or at least who he thinks his father is). He learns that he can understand what sort of passionate feelings could bring someone to do something that goes against not only the wishes of his clan members, but the very wishes of the person they love, for the sake of keeping them safe or for the sake of having them by their sides. And at the end of that internal journey, lwj chooses not be like his father--to put wwx’s decisions and wants and needs first. After buyetian, lwj offers his protection and confesses his feelings--and wwx rejects him. lwj respects wwx’s choice, while still going against his clan to protect him. He brings wwx back to Mass Grave Hill knowing full well that wwx would not survive long the wrath of the four great sects seeking revenge against him, and goes home to receive his punishment.

Overall, what I tried to say in many many words, is that the Phoenix Mountain kiss is not non-consensual by accident. It is not because mxtx is an awful person or is not educated enough, or because she thinks dubious consent is romantic. The fact that it is non-consensual is addressed within the narrative, fuels internal and external conflicts, and is as well woven into the plot structure and the themes of the novel. The kiss is not an outlier element, added to titillate a readership--it exists as an integral part of the novel.

I’m not saying it’s not okay to decide that you do not want to engage with any content that includes non-consensual interactions or dubious consent because that triggers or irks you regardless of the way it is handled. It is totally valid to not personally enjoy or have criticisms about choices mxtx made in exploring these themes, in presenting the internal and relational conflicts around consent/boundaries, or even in the way she decided to write the scenes that figure dubious consent. However, it is not really helpful to divorce an event from its context within a piece of media in order to brand it as either Problematic or Unproblematic, Good or Bad.

Note: Much more could be said about the theme of consent/boundaries in mdzs; this is not exhaustive in the least.

Note2: Much more could be said, in relation to the question and theme of consent, about: the cultural limitations of Westerners to engage fully with a text written for a chinese audience; the limits of fan translators to fully understand the nuances and themes of a novel and to communicate them in a different language; about the place dubious consent and non-consensual interactions has had in the romance/erotica genre for a long time, and no, not only because Misogyny or Homophobia.

#re: controversial mdzs opinion twitter thread #mdzs #mdzs meta #excuse my english lmao #wangxian #this is 2k i'm sorry

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writingtoforgetreality · 3 years

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Take It Easy - Little Movie Star Chapter Four (Jensen Ackles x Daughter!Reader)

[Actors-Masterlist], [Little Movie Star-Masterlist]

Previous Chapter / Next Chapter

Summary: The aftermath of the hate comments. Jensen explained that the future would not be easy if you had a public life. Bonding time with Danneel was appreciated & a revelation left Jensen with a plan for you.

Words: 2,022

Warnings: language, mentions of cyber bullying, bonding time, fluff, tiny bit of angst, fake social media posts (picture credits go to their rightful owners)

If you like my work & wanna support me: a coffee would be highly appreciated ❤

~2016~

Sunrise came sooner than anticipated. Wanting to procrastinate the talk with Jensen & Danneel, you slowly dragged yourself out of bed & went to the bathroom. Risking a look in the mirror was a big mistake. Your eyes were puffy from all the crying you did yesterday. Technically, you could go for sunglasses. Nope, you could not do that. You know who wears sunglasses inside? Blind people…& douchebags. Chuckling slightly at your own joke. Hopping in the shower real quick, you hoped the warm water could calm you down enough.

After putting on a comfortable outfit for the day, you took a deep breath & started walking to JJ’s room. It had become quite the routine for you. If you were up early enough, you stopped by her room & took her with you downstairs. Knocking softly & opening the door slowly, you saw her already awake, waiting for you to pick her up.

“Good morning, princess. Slept well?” she nodded eagerly & stretched out her arms.

“Let’s get to breakfast then.” smiling sweetly at her. Just for a second, you forgot all about last night & just lived in the moment. Oh, if it were that easy all the time…

Silent voices made you stop in your tracks. Eavesdropping was not something you usually did but you could not help yourself. Besides, you could tell that this conversation resembled around you.

“Maybe she hasn’t seen the comments yet.”

“Oh come on, Dee. Of course she has. I mean, our comment sections are filled with that bullshit.” Jensen was deeply hurt by what some of his fans were saying about you, after one single post.

“What should we do?” Danneel sighed.

“We talk to her.” that was when you coughed to bring the attention to yourself. They turned around & looked surprised by your sudden appearance. You set JJ down & crossed your arms over your chest.

“Sorry for listening in on you guys.” your eyes flickered down because deep down, you knew what you did was not okay.

“Hey, no, it’s fine. We wanted to talk to you anyway.” Jensen walked over to you, followed by Danneel.

“Please don’t listen to any of them, angel.” the nickname made your eyes shot up & when you looked at Danneel, you could feel the tears threatening to escape. Jensen could tell right away & wrapped his strong arms around your frame. You did not care about being vulnerable in front of them. Even though you were sure you would regret your actions in a few hours from now.

Breakfast was filled with conversation between the three of you. JJ & the twins were not understanding anything anyway & you were glad that they were too young to care about stupid comments made by anonymous people on the internet.

“I’m sorry, (Y/N).” Jensen’s voice was filled with disappointment. Though, you were not sure if it was directed at his fans or at his decision of making an Instagram post in the first place.

“None of this is your fault.” reassuring him quietly.

“You don’t deserve this. And we don’t want you to think that we’re not happy with you being here because that is bullshit. We love having you here.” Danneel’s hand found yours on the table & she gave you a little squeeze that put a small smile on your face. You were about to tell them something you had never admitted to anyone before. It was a big step for you & you were making yourself even more vulnerable in front of them. But they seemed genuinely concerned about you & you did not know why but you believed what they were saying. You just hoped your trust in them was not misplaced.

“It’s just…It’s not the first time I’ve heard something like that. A lot of the families I had been to previously had shared their opinions with me. I’m used to it, I don’t even know why it’s affecting me this much.” Jensen & Danneel shared a look with each other. Yes, they were happy that you were sharing a little bit of your past with them but what you shared broke their hearts. The worst thing was that they knew it was not the only thing that had happened to you. There had to be so much more that you still had not told them & they were scared what would come in the future.

“Can you promise me something?” Jensen waited until you met his eyes. “If you have thoughts like that, you come to us immediately. Because whatever your mind tries to tell you, it ain’t true. A lot of these comments are not only hurtful but also threatening. And I’ll put a stop to this right now.” he pulled out his phone & opened twitter. He showed Danneel & you the tweets before he hit send. Afterwards, they told you that comments similar to what you had read will continue to come at your way, simply because they were celebrities. After all, you were part of their family now & therefore your life would also be kind of public. As much as you would allow it anyway.

To some, these tweets might not be a lot but to you, they meant the world. After Jensen tweeted these, you grabbed your own phone, opened Instagram & reposted the picture you took yesterday.

You meant every single word because you did feel like a part of this family & why you still could not understand why they wanted you in the first place, you were more than happy that you were here still. A few weeks ago, you would have never thought to stay with them for so long. Yeah, they really meant it when they said they wanted you to be a part of them.

“I know exactly what we need!” Danneel stood up & you gave her a confused look. What was she planning?

“Girls-Day.” giving you a wink, she helped you out of your seat & gave you a light push, telling you to get dressed so you guys could go shopping. Danneel was aware that you were still slightly uncomfortable whenever you were alone with her but she wanted to change that & what better way than a shopping trip together?

The trip to the local mall was very much needed. Danneel warned you about possible paparazzi & the thought made you nervous. What if you did not look good? What if it gave the media something negative to report on? Danneel silenced your thoughts by dragging you into the first shop. Your shopping spree was successful & you came back with tons of shopping bags. Feeling bad because you did not pay for anything, Danneel assured you that it was no problem. Besides, you did not have a lot of clothing to begin with & she told you that you needed it. Also, she gave you permission to raid her closet any time you wanted. And who were you to decline such an offer?

“Successful much?” Jensen joked when the two of you entered the house, struggling with all the bags you were carrying. He gave you a hand & set some of the bags on the couch. Your mood had changed drastically if you were to compare yourself to a few hours prior.

“Jensen, can you help (Y/N) putting her stuff in her room?” Danneel grabbed some of her bags, definitely not nearly as many as were filled with your clothing.

After putting all of the bags on your bed, Jensen offered to help you putting them away in your closet & you thanked him. While the two of you got to work, he commented on some of the clothes that he was storing away & said that you & Danneel chose a lot of great looking things.

“So, how was today?” Jensen started a conversation & you were not in the mood to lie to him so you told him the truth, the entire truth for once.

“A rollercoaster of emotions. But it ended great.” shooting an honest smile his way, one, that he copied.

“I know it’d be easier if we weren’t popular & all that.” he sighed.

“Not all of it is bad, though. I mean, you get so much love on a daily basis.”

“True, but it can be frustrating, especially when family gets involved. Still happens with Danneel sometimes.”

“Really?”

“Oh yeah, you know, when people get jealous & all that.”

“I’m sorry.” a tight lipped smile was on your face.

“Nothing to be sorry for. This life has its perks, but it also has a lot of disadvantages. When you’ve been in this business for so long, you start blocking out the negative comments...Hey, that was the last piece, we did it.” raising his hand for you to give him a high-five.

Falling backwards on your bed, Jensen mimicked your actions, you let out a long, satisfied sigh. Today had been exhausting, both mentally & physically.

“Now that we know that you enjoy shopping…what else do you do for fun?”

“Um, I guess a lot of creative stuff. I like writing. Taking pictures. Drawing. Oh, this will sound ironic, but I actually like acting a lot.” that peaked his interest. He propped up his arm & laid his head on it.

“Really?”

“Yeah, I mean...Whenever I imagine playing a role, it helps me control my emotions.”

“Do you have any experience?” he curiously asked. Maybe you had acted somewhere before?

“God, no. Just because I like it doesn’t mean I’m good at it.” laughing shortly, then you continued. “It’s not like there were a lot of opportunities coming my way growing up.” shrugging, you enjoyed the comfortable silence that followed. Shortly after, Jensen walked out of your room, telling you to get some sleep.

A plan was starting to form in his head. He had connections & if acting really was something that you enjoyed, why not trying? The producers had the last word & then he could see if it really was something that was just a hobby to you. He had a feeling that you would surprise him, though. Dialing the next person that came to his mind, he wanted to hear his opinion.

“Hey, man. How are you?”

“Hi, Jared. I’m great, thanks.”

“How’s (Y/N) doing?”

“Danneel & her went shopping today. But look, she just told me something.”

The conversation went on for a while & Jared was on board with Jensen’s plan. Still, it was meant to stay secret for the time being. They planned a dinner in a few days from now. Just him, Danneel & you, joined by Jared & Gen. It would also be your first time meeting them. This decision was made shorty after you arrived at the Ackles’ house. Simply because you were freaking overwhelmed with the entire situation & had to get used to them at first. Now, it felt like a good time to introduce you to the Padalecki’s. At the dinner, they would tell you about their little plan. Before that could happen, though, Jensen had to make a few more phone calls to set everything up. Hopefully, you would not kill him after finding out. No, he could tell that you were being serious about this. You might not admit it but he noticed that your passion for acting was way bigger than you let on.

~to be continued~

Next Chapter

Published (04/10/2021) by Cathy

Tags: @vicmc624, @imaginationisgrowth, @stoneyggirl, @alyispunk, @thevelvetseries, @multifandomlover121, @samsgirl93, @supernatural3002, @diabetes-03, @prettyybubblesintheair, @originalsoulcollector, @vir-tual, @bellero, @sergantbuckybarnes (let me know if you wanna be tagged <3)

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ruby3818 · 4 years

Text

I have something I really need to get off my chest that I’ve put off for years now but can’t ignore anymore. Under a read more so you can skip it and tagged #negative so you can block it. Maybe this might clear some things up or at least get my side of the story out there. Please read this before making any decision about me from what you’ve heard from someone else.

I am aware that Cap, who I used to be friends with but had to leave the friendship because of their controllive obsession with me is still saying lies about how I “abandoned them” in public forums. Even going as far as to ask my franticshipping mutuals to block me (how she knows who my mutuals are is anyone's guess since I’ve had her blocked for over three years now??). If you see her do this please stop enabling them!! Over the years people have made her feel ok to get aggressive about my very existence and tell her that they are “valid” for feeling jealousy. All it does is reassure her that it is ok to behave like that and not be held accountable for their actions. Cap does not need validation, she needs help.

I have begged her multiple times over the past few years to leave me alone and stop saying stuff about me on public forums but every time she promises to stop I hear from someone else that they're still doing it. Things like; making up stuff that I apparently said in a dream treated as fact, telling my mutuals to block me, saying that I’ve apparently replaced her, telling everyone that I abandoned her, etc.

Because of her I not only lost them as a friend but every single other friend I had because they either believe the lies or they're scared of upsetting Cap who flies into a rage at the very mention of me.

I really tried to help her and then when the jealousy, gas lighting, violent mood swings and controlling behavior got too much for me and everyone else who tried to help I had to do what was best for both of us and leave the friendship.

I've tried for three years now to be the better person and not talk about what should be our personal problems but it's just blown up in my face with no one believing me or wanting to get involved and everyone enabling them (which is triggering to irl experiences but that's another story).

And I do understand that maybe a lot of this frustration I feel is because of the pattern of people abusing me and then everyone around me forcing me to forgive them and be around them for the sake of their feelings leading to the same damn cycle of me being helpless and feeling like a burden for not putting up with it.. It just sucks that even online I have to deal with it when this should be a safe place away from all that. But I also know what emotional abuse looks like due to irl experiences and I know that this is not acceptable behavior. This is abuse. And the only way to stop an abuser is to get their behavior out in the open and have other people know what they’ve been doing.

It also really sucks that the whole reason I couldn’t stand being friends with her was because I wasn’t allowed to talk to anyone else and if I did they would blow into a rage and yet 3 whole years later I still am not allowed to talk to anyone otherwise I’m “replacing them” leading her to tell any potential new friends to block me (Somehow she is finding out who my new mutuals are on Tumblr, Twitter and Discord and dm’ing them to block me which is what some of these mutuals have come forward to tell me). She still has that control over me and I’m sick of it. I just want to move on.

I hate having to tip toe around the fandom not knowing what they’ve said about me to mutuals. I just want to be able to talk to people and have them know the full story and not some fabricated story of abandonment or random crap I apparently said in a dream of theirs.

As for what they did in the past, here’s my side of the story and why I had to leave the friendship;

They would always get jealous when I talked to other people and threaten to kill them self because "I'm just going to replace them". It became such a constant thing that I couldn’t even talk at all in a public server without there being a big drama about it. They even ended up being banned from Specord for their constant harassment of me.

Whenever I would bring this up and ask her (or beg) to not get upset and let me talk to people they would act like they had no idea what I was talking about and say that my depression is making me think crazy things. Even though other people saw it and I also had screenshots I still believed them because (being mentally ill) I really can't trust myself. I've been gas-lighted by people in my family my whole life so this was too triggering to handle on a daily basis so I needed out of the friendship.

She constantly suicide-baited me into taking her back and then made every conversation we had about suicide and self harm. Whenever she felt bad about something I said to her in a dream or if I talked to someone else she would tell me happily how she cut herself “for me” because it was supposed to show me that she loved me and that she somehow deserved it. The constant talk of suicide became too triggering to my own mental health and struggle with suicidal thought that I had to get out of the relationship.

For so long they would make up lies about how I abandoned them leading me to receive death threats from strangers telling me to kill myself, people blocking me and all my friends no longer talking to me so it doesn't upset them. So in the end they still had that control over me.

They even told me in our last conversation (over two years ago) that they were right for overreacting over me talking to anyone else besides them because I "shouldn't be talking to other people anyway". They even went as far to tell me that they hated how I was "popular" and basically wanted to be like me whilst also destroying me.

I know that I could of been a better friend but with my c-ptsd and her own mental health problems it just became a toxic mix. The very mention of my name or seeing my posts or comments at all just sends her into violent mood-swings. I couldn’t handle being emotionally abused on a daily basis and I needed out of the relationship. And I get that they still have friends that care about them, that’s good! They’re going to need the support if they’re ever going to improve as a person and move on from this.

So what is the point of this post? Well mostly just to get this pent up helplessness out into the open so maybe someone might understand. The other reason is that I am sick to death of having to be known as the bad guy just because I tried to do what I thought was the right thing by walking away. I want to be able to makes friends and not have to worry about Cap finding out and sabotaging it for me. I want the hate asks to stop. I want people who I thought were my friends to stop blocking me because of something they heard.

This is a selfish request but I also want people to stand up to her for once and stop her from spreading lies about me in public and feeding her delusions. I want her to know that she can’t bully, manipulate and emotionally abuse people in to a friendship and that she doesn’t get to decide who I can interact with. But mostly I hope that by getting this out in the open maybe this might finally come to an end and we can both move on.

Naturally she’s gone and deleted all of her dm’s with me but I do still have some screen shots that might help people understand. I won’t include any dm’s with other users but my DM’s are open if you need more clarification.

First off her finally agreeing to tell the truth (which she never ended up doing evidentely)

She always worshiped me as someone I wasn’t and thought that she had to be like me to be a successful person but it ended up blowing up into a full blown obsession around being me.

She always said she acknowledged that how she treated me was wrong but she still kept doing it like she couldn’t control herself... I kept thinking that maybe her therapy would help her and we could go back to how it was before but she just kept getting worse with her obsession.

This was the other Cap.. the one that wouldn’t acknowledge what she was doing at all and would tell me I was making it up out of paranoia

These are some screenshots that were sent to me of some of the stuff she was saying about me on other servers?? She would always treat the stuff that I did in her dreams as stuff I actually said but, idk how to control what I say in her dreams?? I would never in my life say this kind of stuff about anyone??

Due to the pic limit I will include other screenshots in a reblog.

If you need any more clarification or just want to talk don’t be afraid to ask. Hopefully this can be cleared up finally and I can be free from her control. She needs to be held accountable for her actions and she needs to move on for the sake of her own mental health as well as for mine.

#negative #tw suicide #tw self harm #tw abuse #my post #cap-cavern #theceoofrusa

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blackhillverse · 3 years

Text

THE REASON WHY I DON'T POST ABOUT BLACK WIDOW, EVEN THOUGH I'VE WATCHED IT 3 TIMES ALREADY (SPOILER FREE)

this is going to be very personal, possible trigger warnings for mentions of self-harm, mental illness, severe depression, and extreme grief.

don't get me wrong, i love this movie to the point where i could watch it every day. and i did do that until i overstimulated myself to the point where i hit the ground very very hard.

as a slavic person, this movie means a lot to me. i won't be going into details but small things like their hairstyles very enough for me to tear up for one simple reason: my aunt used to braid my hair this way when i was younger and i always hated it, saying i looked awful and didn't fit into western standards.

as a natasha fan for 11 years, this movie means everything to me. seeing a hero, that you've looked up to for the most part of your life, having her own standalone movie was pretty exciting.

i've watched black widow three times. for the first time in imax, for the second time in my bed, and for the third in a regular cinema. i did all that in two days and that's where the problem lies.

i'm diagnosed with bipolar, finding the emotional middle ground in my life has always been troublesome. i also get overstimulated pretty easily to the point where i have to remove myself from the environment or i will have a panic attack. when the black widow promo began, i avoided any content because i felt bad looking at it. when the movie finally was about to release, i let myself to be more involved on social media with it.

as i've mentioned already, i've watched it three times. however, on my last film show, i barely laughed and didn't cry at all which i found strange. but when i got home, that's when the whole production started. my brain started to lose the difference between what's real and what's fictional to the point where i believed that natasha actually died in our world. it kind of reminded me of how i felt after watching endgame, where it took me a whole year to get through the grief. as all the fans, i didn't and still don't want to let natasha go, being too attached to her character in all universes. to be honest, i've been hyperfixating on her for years.

the black widow movie broke me so much, i’ve been mourning natasha all over again. it got to the point where i could not acknowledge that it was only a movie and because of that cried relentlessly, or even despairingly.

it still happens. it’s sick and tiring because i can’t look at any black widow content because of that. it makes me physically nauseous. i feel nothing but bereavement and i can’t function properly.

i wish i could consume the media as most of my twitter mutuals or irl friends. it must feel so nice to just get flooded with all the content right now and actually enjoy it, rather than feel anxious and nauseous, like the world would suddenly end if you even gave a glance at the content. i wish i could participate in the hype but it just makes me physically hurt.

sometimes i try to pull myself together and try to tweet so i don’t miss out and so people can't think i don’t care. it physically hurts me.

sometimes i wish my life looked different, so i wouldn't have to go through all that pain of losing a piece of myself. maybe if my dad didn't introduce me to the mcu when it launched, i would have never got so attached to natasha to the point where she just became an integral part of me.

//TW SELFHARM

the whole situation has been so rough on me, i feel like selfharming, just so i can channel the pain to something different. i literally wish i could rip the pain off my body but i physically can't do that because it's all in my head. you want to distance yourself from it but you can't run away from the pain, it will follow you and wherever you go and it will always make sure you remember about it.

i know that eventually, it will go away. i actually gave myself a day-off and it helped me feel more comfortable when going online. i still have to talk through it with my therapist though.

i feel like most of the stuff i wrote doesn't make sense or is about the same thing, just worded differently. to be honest, i don't even know why i'm writing all this. maybe to reassure everyone around me, i'm not a fake fan or something,

#yeah #personal #thoughts #mental health #black widow movie #black widow #natasha romanoff #mcu #marvel

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keanureevesisbae · 4 years

Text

The alluring charm of Henry Cavill - Chapter 3

Summary: During a trivia game, Adelaide impresses people with her knowledge.

Henry Cavill x Adelaide Park (ofc)

Wordcount: 3.5k

Warnings: None

A/N: For the people who have send in character asks and I haven’t answered it yet: I’m working on it 🤗 Because of school, I haven’t gotten to it yet. But somewhere this week I’ll answer them. Also: I love the responses to this fic. I want to let you know that these comments make my day 💕 Also, did I use the twitter accounts from the characters of my other fics for the tweets at the end? Yes, I did.

Masterlist // Previous chapter // Next chapter

Why am I in bed?

I look around and see that I’m in the middle of the bed that Henry and I share back on the show, but the improvised wall between us is gone.

Back when I was growing up, we had one bedroom and one bed, where we had to squeeze in if we happened to be all home. That rarely happened. It was usually just me, or later on my dad joined, when he got back from work. On mom’s days off, she’d be in bed all day, resting from all those hard days at work. Sharing beds isn’t something that I really mind, even if the person I’m sharing with, is Henry Cavill.

‘You’re awake,’ I hear Henry’s deep voice and I look to my left, to see him standing up from a chair. He sits on the edge of the mattress, sinking into the soft material. ‘How are you?’

‘I don’t know,’ I mumble, pushing myself up straight. I’m not in the muddy clothes anymore and I look at Henry again, slightly worried and ashamed. Did he undress me?

‘Don’t worry,’ he calmly says, ‘Jennifer went with us. She changed you.’

I clear my throat, as I start fidgeting my hands, one of the many nervous ticks I have. ‘I’m sorry.’

‘Why?’ Henry asks.

‘We were leading and then…’ I sigh deeply, trying not to think about what happened to me. I never learned how to swim, but I always avoided waters like the plague. During my acting career, I only had to swim once, but I was with David Castañeda, who played my love interest. I let him know that I was scared of water. He promised me he wouldn’t let go and the director actually loved the twist we gave to that swimming pool scene.

However, David knew I was scared of water, but didn’t know I couldn’t swim. Now I told Henry and in a matter of days, the rest of the world will know too, when this episode will air.

Henry doesn’t say anything. I bet he is mad, I think to myself. Fuck, I really let him down, didn’t I?

‘I’m sorry,’ I say, ‘that I let you down.’

His gaze softens. ‘You didn’t,’ he tells me. ‘I shouldn’t have pushed. I should’ve calmed you down. It was obvious that it really scared you.’ Henry sighs deeply. ‘But Adelaide… Why can’t you swim?’ he asks.

I could tell him. The whole world will know I can’t swim in the near future, why not tell them the entire story? ‘We didn’t have the money back when I was younger to go for swimming lessons,’ I say. ‘And I haven’t had the chance to do it now.’

Henry nods. ‘There is a pool in the backyard,’ he says, a telling smile toying on his face. ‘How about, over the course of these two weeks, you and I try it. It’s not deep and I’m there with you every second.’

‘Why?’

He shrugs, as if he is a little embarrassed that he offered, but he shouldn’t be. It’s just that I’m surprised, because the last time someone offered something like that to me… That was so long ago. I think it was when I still lived at home. I always do everything myself and people on set know that I tend to be very independent, so they don’t try. But Henry doesn’t ask or offer, he just does it. In the days that I’ve come to know him, he has been nothing but a gentleman. He made me breakfast and when we were cooking dinner, the oil was splashing over the pan. Before I could step aside, Henry grabbed another pan to shield me from the hot oil. The way he lifted me up during the obstacle course when I couldn’t reach the bars and how he caught me when I fell.

‘Well,’ he says, ‘because I think everyone should know how to swim.’

I smile and say: ‘Well, let’s consider it,’ I say. ‘We finished last, didn’t we?’

‘Yeah, we did,’ he says. ‘But don’t apologize for it, please. I don’t want you to feel bad about it. We were really great during this first challenge, so we’ll climb our way back to the top.’ Henry sends me a dashing smile and I can’t help but blush a little bit. ‘How about you get ready for tonight, then I’ll go and make you something to eat.’

‘Ready for tonight?’

‘Trivia night,’ he says.

I nod. I can’t seem to tear my eyes from him, as I look into his soft eyes. When I first met him, I thought he had that stern look in his face and I still did think that from time to time, but in those days that we spend together, it never looked like this. ‘Right, I’ll get myself ready.’

After a fifteen minute shower, I get dressed in a jeans skirt, with a simple black shirt that I tugged in. I paired it with the same white sneakers I wore the first day. I keep my hair and make-up pretty simple.

Henry made some sandwiches. I never knew that I thought it was attractive that a man could cook, but I sure do know now. Come to think of this, I never really thought about what I wanted for traits in a man.

My parents were happy with one another, but I feared that one day, I ended up like them. Poor, overworked, with two kids and a husband, who maybe felt—just like my dad—that he had to take care of us. Besides, I never experienced love. I never fallen in love, I only had on stage kisses and sex scenes. It was never real.

Maybe I’m way ahead of myself, but I feel something. I feel cared for. I feel noticed. I feel appreciated. Like I’m worth it. And that’s all thanks to Henry Cavill.

◎ ◎ ◎

Everyone seems concerned about me, but after I reassure everyone I am okay, we take place at three different tables, one for each duo. I take a seat on the chair. It’s a little colder than I imagined and I curse myself for not bring a jacket with me. I rub my upper arms as the crew is setting everything up, checking if our mics are working well enough, making sure the screen works.

Henry stands up as he wiggles out of his cosy vest, before placing it without a word on my shoulders.

‘Oh, that’s not necess— uh… needed,’ I say to him.

‘I’m not cold,’ he tells me, as he sits down next to me again. I want to stop my smile, but I can’t help it.

‘Thank you, Henry,’ I say in a soft tone, as if I don’t want him to hear me, but seeing how the corners of his mouth curl up, I know that he heard me.

The game is pretty simple: there is a host who asks a question and you have to answer it. It’s fairly easy and I almost feel like they are taking it easier because of me.

Every team has a button in front of them and ours meows like a cat.

‘What country won the first FIFA World Cup in 1930?’ the hosts asks.

Meow. ‘Uruguay,’ I answer, as I retract my hand from the button. .

Even the host seems impressed. ‘That is correct.’ On the screen behind him, I see that we are actually first now, with only one point, but it feels nice to be ahead of someone else, because of what I did. ‘Okay, next question. Which boxer was known as “the Great—’

Meow. That is not because of me, but because Henry slammed the button a little harder. Guess he doesn’t know how strong he is. ‘Muhammed Ali,’ he answers.

‘Correct.’ Why does the host not seem impressed now? Okay, this is nothing to be surprised about, so I should stop letting the subtle differences in reaction get to my head. It’s true, I’m pretty stupid according to the public.

And besides, we only had two questions and I had one right.

‘What animals have the longest gestation period?’

No one presses the button and I tap Henry on his leg. He looks at me and I usher him closer. ‘What is a gestation period?’

‘Pregnancy,’ he whispers, his hot breath against my lips, that start to tingle as a response. I shouldn’t get distracted because of that.

Meow. ‘An African Elephant,’ I answer.

We are ahead now with three points. I can’t help but beam with pride. Maybe the public will think a little more highly of me now.

‘What does HTTP stand for?’

Meow. ‘HyperText Transfer Protocol,’ Henry says with a smile.

‘What year was the first model of the iPhone released?’

Meow. ‘2007,’ Henry answers with ease.

He knows a lot, I think to myself. I look to the side for a second and I wonder what goes on in his head, right now and basically every single time we’re just alone. He can look at me in a way that I can’t explain and I don’t even understand why he looks at me like that.

We continue to answer multiple questions correctly and the meow is one of the only sounds that we hear. By the time we reached ten points, I discovered that Charlie and Jennifer’s sound is a bark and when we reached fifteen points, I found out that the Biebers’ sound was a chicken.

Who were the founders of Adidas? (Rudolf and Adolf Dassler—I knew this one.) Some Greek mythology questions that I knew nothing about, but Henry did and he seemed so giddy to explain it all to us, though no one seemed cared, besides me probably, because I could listen to this man for days on end. Together we knew the seven world wonders, who the Danish author was who wrote many fairy tales and they even asked us what Superman’s birth name was…

While Superman is in the room.

We are way ahead of everyone with twenty points, Charlie and Jennifer have ten (who knew that babies weren’t born with kneecaps—for knowing that alone I feel like they should win) and Justin and Hailey have nine. But the next question we can think about for a few seconds and it’s worth fifteen points. So we either become second or first, depends on how well we do.

‘Name these chemical elements of the periodic table. Ge, Sn, Rf, K and Ba.’

Henry places his arm on the back of my chair and leans over. Gosh, he is really close. Not that I’m complaining, but feeling his body heat so close to mine and it’s not even acting… Why does that make me feel all sorts of things?

‘Ge is Geranium,’ he whispers, ‘and Ba and Barium.’

‘K is Potassium,’ I say in a soft tone. ‘So we only have Sn and Rf left. Sn is Tin.’

‘You know a lot,’ he says with a smile.

Does he mean that? Did he just say I know a lot? Me, the Hollywood ditz? ‘Rf is Rutherfordium,’ I whisper.

Meow. Henry presses the button and he looks at me, non verbally asking me if I want to answer this, but I simply shake my head. He names them in order and everyone seems impressed, but before they can give him a compliment (I know the host is desperate to call him ‘Handsome Henry with a Brain’ again. He did it seven times already and it was annoying the first time, let alone the seventh time), Henry says: ‘I only knew Geranium and Barium. Adelaide is the real genius here.’

◎ ◎ ◎

It’s twelve ‘o clock when Henry and I are in bed, both staring at the ceiling. Normally I’m in bed long before he is, but today we’re awake in the bed together. The only reason why I get into bed early, is that I hope I can fall asleep before he gets in.

But not today.

‘I have something I want to ask you,’ Henry says. ‘I’ve been thinking about this for awhile.’

‘Okay?’

‘Are you dyslexic?’

He could’ve given me a slap across my face and that wouldn’t have shocked me as much as this question. I push myself up, so I’m sitting. ‘Why?’

‘Just wondering.’

I simply shrug. ‘I don’t know. I never got tested back in school.’

‘Why not?’ Henry sits up straight as well and from the corners of my eyes, I see him placing his pillow on the headboard. That one curl covers part of his forehead and it’s almost a signature look when we are in the cottage.

‘The teachers didn’t care and we didn’t have a lot of money,’ I explain. It feels weird and uncomfortable to open up to him, however on the other hand, it feels right to have this out in the open. ‘And I don’t want to get tested now,’ I whisper. ‘I’m an adult, I can manage.’ I finally force myself to look over my shoulders, only to see that same soft look in his eyes, that I almost grown accustomed to. ‘What?’

‘Nothing,’ he whispers. ‘I just want to say to you that I underestimated you and—’

I can’t help but chuckle. ‘You are not the only one,’ I interrupt him. ‘It’s okay.’

‘No, Adelaide, it’s not okay.’

The sternness in his voice, make me turn around on the mattress completely, so I can look at him. ‘I did it myself, Henry. Really, it’s okay, don’t worry about it.’

Henry moistens his lips, before he clears his throat. ‘Then I won’t worry about it. Just know that I—now—think very highly of you.’

‘You don’t need to,’ I say as a frown appears between my brows. ‘Henry, what is really the case?’

He rubs his face, resists even and he actually looks really frustrated. ‘It’s just that I’m trying to figure you out, but I can’t seem to actually get to know you.’

‘There is not much to know,’ I say, but he shakes his head and says: ‘There is. You are so intriguing, Adelaide, you don’t even know it.’

I don’t really know what to say. He thinks there is much to know about me and that I’m intriguing? ‘Oh.’

‘And I get that it can be hard to open up, truly, I know, but… We have to work together. Wouldn’t it be better if we knew something about each other?’

Okay, that’s a fair point. ‘You tell me something first,’ I say to him.

‘Like what?’ he says, genuinely looking relieved that I’m going along with it.

I tilt my head as I look in his eyes as I take in the brown spot on his left eye, that is surrounded by a beautiful blue. ‘You want to win?’

Henry frowns, probably confused by my question, but when he sees I’m dead serious, he nods. ‘Of course,’ he says, ‘I’m competitive. Why was that your question?’

‘Because now I know that I have to work extra hard not to let you down. It doesn’t really matter to me if I win or not.’

‘You won’t let me down, Adelaide.’

‘I did already,’ I say, ‘and don’t try to convince me otherwise. Now, what do you want to know about me?’

He tilts his head and says: ‘You have a nickname?’

And he thought my question was a bit weird? I snort. ‘My parents called me Dasom. That’s my Korean name.’

‘Really?’ he asks. ‘I didn’t know that.’

No one knows that. ‘But other than that I don’t really have a nickname. People call me Park every now and then, but that’s it.’

‘What does Dasom mean?’

‘Love,’ I whisper. ‘Because, as my parents always say: I was born out of pure love.’ I roll my eyes, because I hate the cliché, but thankfully I was born out of love. It meant that I was welcomed in their lives, though they were poor and barely had anything.

‘That’s sweet,’ he says. ‘So, no one called you Addy for example?’

‘Come to think of it, Keanu Reeves called me Addy every now and then. Especially when we were doing stunts for the movie and he had to encourage me.’

‘Can I call you Addy?’

The fact that he asks me if he can call me Addy, shows me that he is so much more than the news outlets let him to be. Of course, he is handsome, but there is more than just looks. He is intelligent, caring and a real gentleman. Though he can look slightly intimidating, he is a big softie. ‘I would like that, Henry.’

As much as I want to sleep, I can’t. I’m too awake for that, maybe because of the thrill that we are actually ahead of the others now. Who knows how long that will last…

‘You want to do something?’ Henry suggests. ‘I’m not as tired as I figured I would be.’

‘Like what?’

‘You want to swim?’

◎ ◎ ◎

Henry is already swimming laps in the pool, as I try to build up the courage to actually walk out of the door to the pool. I have a large towel wrapped around me, to hide my red and white striped bathing suit.

I can do this, I think to myself. I wore a skimpy bikini for a movie, I’ve been naked on sets with the crew around me. This isn’t too hard.

I walk out of the cottage and see that Henry leans with his under arms on the edge of the pool, placing his chin on one of them. ‘There you are,’ he says with a smile.

I dip my toe in the water and start to shiver, goosebumps appearing on my entire body. ‘It’s cold,’ I mumble. ‘And it looks too deep.’

‘It’s not. It’s only one meter sixty.’

‘I’m one fifty,’ I retort. ‘What if I drown?’

‘I’m not letting that happen,’ he says. ‘I promise you, Addy.’

The use of that nickname, makes my feel all sorts of things. Normally I’m not too keen on nicknames, but I could get used to this.

I fold the towel, before I place it on the floor and I sit on the edge of the pool, as my legs dangle in the cold water. Henry bumps his elbow against the side of my thigh and he asks: ‘Ready?’

Maybe it’s because of the dim lighting of the lanterns outside, or the reflection of the water, but he looks even more ethereal than other times. My eyes fall on his beautifully formed lips, that curl up in a smile.

‘I am,’ I say.

He stands in front of me and I place my hands on his broad and tight shoulders. I shimmy myself off the edge, into the cold water. Despite the fact that his large hands in the dips of my waist, makes me all warm from the inside, the water is really cold. Henry starts to laugh, probably because I scrunch up my entire face like I’m a Sharpei dog. ‘Maybe you should keep breathing, because I can’t have it that you pass out on me twice within one week.’

‘Shut up,’ I shiver, as I hold on tightly to his shoulders. ‘You’re not going to let me go, right?’ I ask, just in case.

‘Of course not,’ he whispers.

For a second I envision we’re having a moment together, but then I realize that’s not the case, because he takes a step backwards and we are further away from the edge. I can still reach over to my left, so I’m directly at the other edge, but it does terrify me a bit.

‘Henry,’ I say.

‘Yes?’

‘I’m scared.’

‘I know,’ he tells me, squeezing my waist to let me know that he is there. ‘But there is no need for you to be scared. You just have to grow comfortable in the water and that takes time.’ Henry’s voice is soft and I have to take a deep breath. ‘You’re doing great.’ He slowly takes more steps backwards and smiles at me, as if he knows that that comforts me.

After two laps of him walking backwards and me moving my legs (I don’t know why I do that, but it just happens), I feel more and more accustomed to the water. Still, I don’t want to let go of Henry for one single second, because the fear that I might drown is still there. For the other two laps, he wraps his arm around my waist, as I hold onto the edge and my other arm around his shoulder.

Henry lifts me on the edge, before he hoists himself next to me. He reaches behind him to grab my towel and wrap it securely around my shoulders. ‘How was it?’ he asks.

‘It was good,’ I admit. ‘I mean, I still don’t want to swim myself, but it’s not that scary anymore.’ I look to the side, only to discover that he was already looking at me. From the looks of it, he is looking at my lips, but I must’ve hallucinated that. ‘Thank you,’ I say, to break the silence between us.

‘You’re welcome,’ he says, his voice low.

I smile, before I stand up and hurry back inside. I was making that up, wasn’t I? He wasn’t totally staring at my lips?

Or was he?

◎ ◎ ◎

After the first episode was aired, showing the first few days of the duos together, these were the favorite tweets of the producers of ‘the Celebrity Project’

Taglist: @thelastsock // @jolly-polly // @henrythickcavill // @maan24 // @diegos-butt / @agniavateira // @onlyhenrys // @turkish276 //

#henry cavill #henry cavill x ofc #henry cavill x oc #henry cavill fanfic #henry cavill fandom #the alluring charm of henry cavill #henry cavill x actress #henry cavill x adelaide park

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