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#which is because shes depriving herself of what she wants (namely to date someone)
kindaorangey · 2 years
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watched jubilation. that was really good apart from the final scene bc how the fuck did they acknowledge that they both saw the same fantasy without either of them making assumptions about ladybug's feelings for chat.
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bethanydelleman · 8 months
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Northanger Abbey Readthrough, Ch 5
Mr. Tilney is still missing! He is not to be found at the theatre, the pump room, or out of doors. However, according to the narrator, this absence is very clever of him:
This sort of mysteriousness, which is always so becoming in a hero, threw a fresh grace in Catherine’s imagination around his person and manners, and increased her anxiety to know more of him.
Also, poor Isbella keeps dropping hints about James, She liked him the better for being a clergyman, “for she must confess herself very partial to the profession”; and something like a sigh escaped her as she said it but Catherine has no idea what she is hinting at! The fact that Isabella wants "delicate raillery" reminds me of Anne Steele from Sense & Sensibility:
Miss Steele wanted only to be teazed about Dr. Davies to be perfectly happy. (Ch 34)
Mrs. Allen is highly gratified to find friends that are shabbier than her in dress! But she and Mrs. Thorpe hardly ever actually talk to each other, in what they called conversation, but in which there was scarcely ever any exchange of opinion, and not often any resemblance of subject, for Mrs. Thorpe talked chiefly of her children, and Mrs. Allen of her gowns. If you want an example of Austen actually writing one of these conversations down, check out the "bragversaion" between Mrs. Elton and Mr. Weston, where he only really talks of Frank and she brings literally every statement back to Maple Grove. (Emma, Ch 18, V2)
Catherine and Isabella rapidly become friends, perhaps a bit too rapidly. Their quick friendship will be contrasted later with the more properly and far slower intimacy between Catherine and Eleanor Tilney. However, I have definitely had vacation friendships like this, where due to the amount of time together and the knowledge that you will soon go home, the friendship moves very fast.
They called each other by their Christian name, were always arm in arm when they walked, pinned up each other’s train for the dance, and were not to be divided in the set; and if a rainy morning deprived them of other enjoyments, they were still resolute in meeting in defiance of wet and dirt, and shut themselves up, to read novels together.
And then we come to the famous rant against the degradation of novels! And you know what? Austen has a good point. Why not have heroines of freaking novels read novels? What a strange brand of doublethink! A heroine must not read novels whilst existing within them. Funny to think that many of the novels that Catherine might have been reading would be considered classic literature now, though many more have faded out of recognition.
Austen also rightly points out that people are far more likely to actually read novels than "edifying" materials such as poetry or history, something which will come up later on the country walk. This makes me think of the scorn towards YA novels and comic books/novels today, which I still see way too much of. Let kids read what they like! A general love of reading will get anyone far in life.
(To be honest, I still kind of prefer fantasy YA because way too much of the adult stuff features rape/non-con/sexual assault and that's far less likely in YA)
But yeah, you just tell me the last time someone came up to you gushing about a History of England, it's not those books that capture our imagination and make us feel, it's novels. There is a reason I'm still reading novels from 200 years ago today and little else, and it's not just because factual information is far out of date!
Only a novel indeed!
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aparticularbandit · 2 years
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Business Trip (Agatha)
or.  you have waited long enough for actual more agave stuff and i had this one planned before eve got sick but that turned out okay SO.
HERE A THING
eve fletcher x agatha harkness
woo!
Eve gets better.
(Of course, Eve gets better.  I am not a cruel mistress, and I will not deprive Agatha of Eve so soon after she lost Cian, nor will I allow Eve to be lost to a simple cold.  There are worse things.)
Eve gets better, and the unfortunate side-effect of Eve getting better is that Agatha still has that business meeting somewhere in Maryland that she’s rescheduled and now, even if she wants to go, she doesn’t feel comfortable leaving the senior center for that long so soon after getting back.  She already took a week off to recover from what she’s still certain was just a simple cold, and to take another week off immediately on the heels of that—
Well, it wouldn’t be fair to Amanda, and it wouldn’t be fair to her seniors.
And Eve still isn’t quite certain that she wants to go – she does, but there’s still been no definition of what she is to Agatha or what Agatha is to her, and they’ve still only had the one date, and a week-long trip to a completely new city while Agatha proceeds to deal with business that Eve….  Well, Eve still doesn’t even know what Agatha’s job is!  She feels like, honestly, she’d just be taken along as arm candy, or something like that.  Not arm candy because she’s the older one of the two, and that’s the sort of terminology you use for trophy wives and Eve is neither a trophy nor a wife, and…and….
It’s hard to actually go on a trip, even if you want to go on the trip, with someone who—
I love you.  I’m sorry.
…when did I say I didn’t want to hear that?
Eve shivers, thinking about it.  Tucks her hair back behind one ear.  Shoves it to the back of her mind to examine later.  (She will not examine it later.)
If she thinks about it too much right now, she’ll end up burning the cookies, and she really doesn’t want to—
…oh.
~
Ever since she’s gotten better, Agatha has been staying at her own house.
Eve has still never been there.  She feels like it’s the sort of place that you don’t go to without an invitation, and she wouldn’t want to intrude.  Agatha just needs a separate space away from her, which is fine because Eve needs space from her, too, sometimes.  She likes having a whole empty house to herself, devoid of her son, who previously filled those empty spaces with his loud everything (even when she didn’t like it) and her…whatever Agatha is, who only fit in a bit like a missing puzzle piece, slotting into space like she was always meant to be there.
The week of Agatha basically living with her makes the absence which had previously been so normal run its jagged edges up against her still recovering heart.
Recovering from sickness not from….
Whatever.
It doesn’t matter; she isn’t thinking about any of this.
Agatha promised – she promised – to make time for Eve before flying out early the next morning.  She’d been busy, of course, getting everything ready: not just suitcases and clothes and all that, which Agatha doesn’t really need help with, but paperwork and statistics and a whole bunch of other things that have to do with whatever business it is that Agatha is apparently very high up on the food chain in running – and really, at this point, Eve should just ask what the business is, but she’s never really had that thought while Agatha is around, and it feels like one of those things she shouldn’t just text to ask, and also maybe Agatha told her what it was at one point (she didn’t) and she’s just forgotten it.  It feels a bit like when you’ve known someone for a really long time and you know that you should know their name, only you don’t, and it’s a bit beyond the point where you feel comfortable asking, so you just wait to see if it will ever be brought up again.
The point is that Agatha has been busy, which is why she hasn’t been around since Eve recovered, and that has nothing to do with Agatha being scared or running off.  Eve knows this.  If Agatha was going to run, she would have done it when Eve got sick in the first place or maybe while Brendan was here or maybe when Eve was well enough to take care of herself, not….
It has been ten years since Eve has been in any kind of a relationship, and the problem with this one is that she doesn’t even know if she can call it that. There’s no security in it.  There’s just…good food, nice conversation, someone who stayed with her while she was sick, and a lot – a lot – of good sex.  Which, honestly, she’s not complaining about the sex.  She likes it, actually, which is…why she doesn’t mind that there’s a lot of it. It’s just—
She would like, at some point, to actually get to know the person she’s having sex with.
It would be nice.
A little bit.
Maybe.
~
Eve sits in her house.  Alone. Eating the last of her salad and considering some hummus.  Waiting for the knock at the door that signals Agatha has finally shown up. Occasionally glancing to her phone, thinking about texting her, and deciding against it.
She promised.
She’ll be here.
~
An hour later, Eve curls up on one corner of the couch with a glass of iced wine. Still alone.  Avoiding looking at her phone at all.  Taking a sip every now and again.  Running one damp finger around the lip of the glass until it pulls out a high-pitched note without even noticing.  When she does finally notice, she sets the glass to one side.  Curls up a little tighter.  Pulls a blanket around herself.  Shivers.  Stares at the door.  Wills for the knock to come.
There’s nothing.
~
Three hours later finds Eve tucking herself into bed, contacts already out, glasses on the bridge of her nose.  She’s already eaten two of the cookies she’d set aside for Agatha – they’re a little burnt, not her best work, but they’re still mostly good, and they’ve got chocolate, which honestly makes them even better – and had another three glasses of wine, which is more than she normally has, but she had the cookies, and the salad, and some hummus and pita crackers, so she’s—
Okay, she’s a little buzzed when she grabs her phone, but she’s not drunk.
Eve stares at it.  No texts. No phone calls.  No knocks on her door.  No nothing.
Her lips press together.
It wouldn’t be smart to text Agatha right now.  She’s…she’s probably busy.  Or – and Eve checks the time – trying to sleep.  She has to get up early.  She’d better not.  Really. She shouldn’t.
And yet Eve’s fingers are already flying across the screen, typing a text that she doesn’t read through once before she hits send.
where are you
She’s halfway through saying something about making cookies before the reply comes back: sorry, babe.  lost track of time.
Eve goes to erase what she’d started to write and accidentally hits send instead.  Fuck, no, wait, no, fuck—
i bake cookies for you flight an
That little bubble with the three dots shows up immediately, and before Eve can rectify her mistake, Agatha sends, are you drunk?
no.
it sent before
i wasnt
stop
Eve doesn’t trust herself to send another text, and she doesn’t trust her phone to not send a text before she’s actually done with it again, and if she were more comfortable with Agatha, then she would imagine the other woman laughing at her mistakes, amused, and not…not….
it’s okay, babe
give me 5 and i’ll be there
She dials the number this time, instead of trying to send a text.
Agatha picks up immediately.  Hon, it’s okay, I’m—  She yawns.  I’m coming.  Her voice sounds so bleary that Eve imagines Agatha barely sitting up in bed (she doesn’t know what her bed looks like; she’s never been to her house), rubbing her eyes with the back of one hand, and pushing herself up, out, dressed—
You don’t have to do that, Eve says all at once.  You have to get up early.  You need your sleep.  I don’t…. She presses her lips together, swallows. Don’t.  Go sleep, Agatha.  Don’t—
Another yawn, and Eve imagines Agatha pressing the heel of one hand into her eye.  You made me cookies, she mumbles.
I’ll make you cookies again.  Eve smiles, tries to get the smile to come through in her voice.  These ones aren’t any good anyway.  You don’t want them.
You made them for me.  Of course, I want them.
Well, you can’t have them because I’m….  Before Eve can stop herself, she says, I ate them all.
There’s silence on the other end.
Eve presses her hand into her forehead.  Laughs at herself.  This is so—
What’s so funny? Agatha nearly whines on the other end.  Why would you make me cookies and then eat all of them and then tell me you made them and not—
Agatha—
You’re cruel, love.
Eve’s breath catches in her throat.  I didn’t mean to—  She cuts herself off.  Sleep for me, will you?  I’ll see you when you get back.  I’ll have cookies.  It’s okay.
You didn’t want to see me anyway.
As the call ends, Eve slips back, rests her head against her pillow, and stares up at the ceiling.  Cruel, she’d called her.  Cruel.  She takes her glasses off, sets them gingerly on her bedside table just next to her laptop (no porn pulled up, for once, because she was supposed to be here; she promised), and curls up on her side, staring at the empty space next to her until she finally drifts away.
~
Eve brings the leftover cookies to the senior center with her and hands them off to Amanda, saying that she’d gotten carried away baking over the weekend, something about the new episode of Great British Bake Off and suddenly feeling like she could bake anything she put her mind to.  The seniors could do with a few chocolate chip cookies, too, but she doesn’t know all of their allergies or dietary needs and so can’t be certain that the cookies will actually be good for them, can’t be certain that they won’t hurt them.  Besides, Amanda takes them happily enough, even if her face does make a strange expression when she takes a bite out of the first one.
Every so often, as the morning edges into the afternoon, Eve glances at her phone.  She doesn’t expect anything from Agatha – this isn’t like when Brendan had promised to text her every day once he started college and then hadn’t even made it a week – but…well.  She hoped for something, even if it is just Agatha being annoyed with her for eating all of the cookies.  Actually, she hopes Agatha doesn’t remember that conversation at all and just chalks it up to a dream.
Then she gets the email.
To be honest, Eve isn’t quite sure how Agatha even got her email address. It isn’t like she hands it out everywhere to everyone, and they’ve never really needed email when they can text back and forth.  But then she remembers that once, when she’d been a little younger and held the events coordinator position at the senior center, she’d given her email address to Evanora – she’d thought maybe having some dance classes might be helpful for the seniors or even just having some of the kids out to dance for them.  Evanora had been a good contact for that sort of thing.
But it’s weird that Agatha has it now. Like how she had her phone number.
Don’t think about it too hard, Eve.
Without a second thought, Eve clicks on the new email.  She sits a little straighter in her chair, as if this were some really important work sort of thing instead of something from Agatha, but on noticing that absolutely no one was paying attention, she leans forward and reads the email hungrily.
Eve,
Sorry for not seeing you before I left.
Hope this makes up for it.
Love,
Agatha
Eve stares at that singular word – love – for what feels like hours but is really only a few minutes, refuses to overthink it, finds herself overthinking it anyway, and then notices that the email has a video attachment.  On a normal day, perhaps she would have realized that this was not the best place to open a private video from…well, from whatever it is Agatha is to her and would have waited until she made it back to her house before opening it.
But it has been a long day.
It has been a long day, and Eve hasn’t slept well at all, and she is still more preoccupied with that word love lingering at the end of the email, and maybe she might even blame her illness for potential brain fog (this is a lie), but whatever the reason or combination of reasons, she clicks to open the video.
~
Eve has seen a lot of porn.
A lot of porn.
She knows the kind of video she opens from nearly the first shot and hesitates only when Agatha moves the camera a little bit before stepping back and sitting on the edge of her hotel bed, considers the angle of it, and then returns to fiddle with it again, muttering, It’s been a while since I’ve done this, under her breath before stepping back again, giving a little nod, and then says, Eve.  I….
Agatha pushes a hand through her dark hair.  It’s a little mussed – probably from trying to nap on the plane – but she’s not dressed in the kind of comfy clothes people should wear on flights, she’s dressed like—
I’ve opened your computer to porn too many times to think you won’t enjoy this, hon.  Maybe when I get back, we can make a video of our own, hm?
And then Eve really knows and she can’t get the video to stop.
~
At some point, Amanda comes in to try and see what the problem is and why exactly Eve is yelling at her computer screen, but by the time she gets there, Eve has shut the entire thing down, breathing heavily.
When Eve says that nothing is wrong, Amanda doesn’t believe her, and from the flush on Eve’s cheeks, she’s got a pretty good idea of what was going on.
Amanda says nothing.
~
Eve is not as high tech as Agatha is.  She knows there’s a way to make a video of her own and send it back, but she’s old-fashioned (and also does not trust that she’ll send it to the right person. She’s read too many stories where that sort of thing happens, and she can’t risk sending a video like that to any of her other contacts).
Pictures, however, she can send.
And a much better worded message than the last ones she sent: Thanks for the video.  I hope these are to your liking. :)
Then she puts her phone on silent, opens her laptop, and reacquaints herself with the quite unprofessional video she’s been sent.
~
(It isn’t the same.  In fact, there are moments where she can’t help but smile, laugh, even, at what Agatha is doing, just as there are moments when she wants to reach through the screen just to let her know that some of this is absolutely not necessary.
And then.
Somewhere along the way, something shifts, and whether that’s Agatha finding her footing in what she’s doing or Eve finally clicking, she can’t say, only feels her body grow flush with longing.  She tugs her bottom lip between her teeth before setting the laptop further down so that she has better reach.
It’s not the same.
But it’ll do.)
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mochegato · 3 years
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Even the Losers
Chapter 18
Chapter 1     Chapter 17
Mari waved up at Nightwing before turning toward the café.  He grinned and waved back.  No sense of embarrassment at getting caught like Red Robin had the day before.  She didn’t know enough about him to know if it was because he wasn’t hiding, Red Robin had given him a warning that she knew someone would be there, or because he had no sense of embarrassment, or most likely, a combination of all of those.
Adrien looked up and grinned too.  “What time did he take over?”
Marinette shrugged and cut through the café’s outdoor seating.  “Later than yesterday.  When did Dick leave?  It was some time after that.”
Adrien looked at him for a moment and shook his head. He looked back at Marinette before the memory of sleep deprived Marinette hit him.  He grimaced.  It was hit or miss whether she would be funny, emotional, or a danger to herself. If Batman was the same… “I really hope Batman doesn’t have a day job because with all the all-nighters he’s pulling, he would have to be a zombie at work.”
Marinette giggled at the idea.  “Can you imagine Batman with a day job?  What do you think he does?  Like, could you imagine him as a kindergarten teacher?”  Marinette’s giggles grew into full blown laughter. She finally was able to gasp out, “Batman complimenting some little kid’s rainbow and assuring them that making the entire rainbow the same color was extremely creative and beautiful.  Or trying to guess what animal they drew.”
Adrien laughed and patted her arm to get her to stop.  “Wait, wait. Batman crouching next to a toddler and explaining for the eighth time in the last three minutes that Pete the Cat is in fact a cat, not a dog before patting them on the head and walking away to scream into a nap mat.”
Marinette Laughed hard enough she almost missed the door handle.  She jumped when Adrien suddenly grabbed her arm.  She turned to him wide eyed but she immediately relaxed.  He was bouncing on the balls of his feet with excitement.  “No, no, no.  A PA to some… NO, to M. Wayne!  Batman as M. Wayne’s PA.  Oh my God, can you imagine?”
Marinette giggled and shook her head at him, pushing through the door.  Well, that would certainly explain why the bats seemed so close to the Waynes.  She spotted Duke and waved.  He jumped up and waved them over.  “Hey, Duke.  I hope you don’t mind that I brought Adrien.”
“Not at all,” Duke gave them both a hug.  He looked toward the bathroom with a smile. “Good to see you again, man.  I hope you don’t mind that Cass and I both brought someones too.”  Cass and Stephanie were walking toward them with a red headed woman in a wheelchair. Duke leaned toward them and lowered his voice so the women approaching couldn’t hear him.  “Brought is a really liberal term for what happened.  I am so sorry.  I knew we shouldn’t have mentioned meeting with you in front of Stephanie.”
“Hey Cass,” Marinette called out.  She and Adrien waved at her.  “Good to see you again, Stephanie.”
Cass waved back and nodded with a wide smile. “Marinette!” Stephanie chirped. “I’d say what a coincidence we ran into you guys here…”
“But that would be a lie,” Barbara finished for her. “Hi,” she held out her hand for them, “I’m Barbara.”
Marinette smiled and stepped forward to shake her hand. “It’s nice to meet you.  I’ve heard a lot about you.”
“Well yeah we crashed,” Stephanie rolled her eyes and dropped into a seat across from Marinette.  She sent a playful glare toward Duke.  “You guys have been keeping her all to yourselves all week.  It’s our turn to hang out with her again.  Not to mention I wanted to catch up with the woman who fed the Riddler’s own balls to him for everyone to see.”
“And we wanted to see how you’re doing after it,” Barbara added with a chastising look to Stephanie.  She turned to side eye Duke.  “We tried to check with the boys but they were less than helpful.”
Marinette shrugged and leaned back slightly, not enough for anyone else in the café to notice but everyone else at the table picked up on it.  “I’m fine. It wasn’t bad.  More embarrassed he caught me in the first place.”
Stephanie waved her off.  “Please,” she scoffed.  “He had to knock out like an entire block just to get you.  That’s better than some of the bats.”
“Well, you look like you’re healing well,” Barbara nodded with a supportive smile.
Marinette smiled as naturally as she could and tried to control how much she was shifting in her seat.  She really, really hated talking about the whole thing with not only people who didn’t know she had been a superhero, but with the Waynes after that dinner, so that was two strikes against discussing this right now.
She’d been able to joke about it and moan about how contrived the whole setup with Alya and Nino.  They’d laughed all night about the audacity.  Not only had he thought he could stump her with a question about Chat Noir, he thought he would win against her in a game that relied on luck or rather bad luck not striking.  It was almost enough to make her forget the way the dinner had ended.  It was exactly what she had needed.  But she couldn’t do that here.
“Yeah,” she chuckled anxiously.  “My cheek seems to be doing well.  I’m hoping I can cover it with makeup by next week.”
“How’s your shoulder?” Duke asked motioning toward the shoulder she’d rammed into the doorframe when she was running away.
Marinette blinked at him a few times before she quirked her head to the side, her face scrunching in confusion.  “How did you know about that?”
She could see the rest of the table tense up, Adrien included but for the same reason as her, confusion on how he’d known. She had no idea why the rest were tensing up.  Duke chuckled awkwardly, sending looks over to the women at the table.  “He’s covering for me,” Barbara finally spoke up.
“Why is… what is he covering up for?” Marinette asked cautiously.
“My father is the police commissioner,” she said quietly.  “I may have snuck a look at the police report… slightly illegally… and read about your injuries.”
Marinette shook her head.  “But, I didn’t tell them about that.”
“No,” Barbara acknowledged, “but Signal did.”
Marinette nodded, trying to process that information. “Huh,” was all she managed to eke out. Her mind raced trying to figure out what to say next.  She was saved from trying to figure out how to move the conversation along by the waiter. The topic seemed to fade away naturally as everyone put in their order.
As soon as the waiter left, Duke clapped his hands with a bright smile.  “So, Steph, you said again.  I take it you guys have met before?”
“At the gala,” Adrien nodded.  “Only briefly though.  We,” he motioned between him and Stephanie, “spoke for a little bit, but Marinette only spoke with her for a few seconds.”
Stephanie grimaced at the reminder.  “Yeah… not exactly the ideal meeting.”
Marinette waved her off.  “Not your fault.  Don’t worry about it.”  She sent her a sincere smile.
“No,” Stephanie agreed.  “It’s Bruce’s.”
Cass pulled out a credit card with a wicked grin. “On Bruce.”
Barbara nodded.  “Exactly.  Therefore, this lunch is on Bruce.  Maybe we should go shopping after this too?”  She raised an eyebrow at Marinette.
Marinette giggled and shook her head.  “No, thank you.  That’s okay.  I’m good.”
Stephanie’s eyes lit up.  She leaned closer to Marinette like she was sharing a secret. “Speaking of the gala, how did you get tickets to the gala anyway?  We never figured it out.”  Barbara groaned lightly and smacked her on the shoulder.  They had just changed the subject.  Marinette probably did not want to talk about the gala, where they raved about their family and the newest member, which was not her and did not did not include her.
Instead of freezing up or withdrawing, like Barbara worried she would, Marinette started laughing.  Her eyes were sparkling with mirth.  She leaned closer to them over the table and lowered her voice. “I pimped out my friend,” she confided with a smirk.
The rest of the table froze until Adrien groaned and Stephanie and Duke started laughing loud enough to draw disapproving looks from neighboring tables.  Cass raised an eyebrow, but her lips were quirked up in amusement.  “Say that again,” Barbara prompted.
Marinette shrugged and took a sip of her drink.  “I don’t know if it counts as pimping if he did it willingly.  He was willing to do it for Max.”
“Oh my God, Marinette.”  Adrien ran his hand over his face in exasperation.
“What exactly was he willing to do?” Barbara’s voice was now less amused and more wary.
“That was the worst possible way to say it,” Adrien groaned.
“You know, maybe I don’t want to know the answer to that…” Barbara hedged.  She leaned away from Marinette cautiously.
Marinette laughed at Adrien’s frustration and bumped his shoulder with hers.  “I offered up a date with Luka Coffaine to Audrey Bourgeois’ PA in exchange for the tickets she turned down,” she explained.
There was absolute silence for a few seconds until Stephanie broke the silence.  “You know Luka Coffaine?” she yelled.  
Everyone in the café turned slowly to look at them. Marinette’s eyes widened and looked around at them.  She gave them an awkward smile and a wave before turning back to the table.  Before she could chastise Stephanie, Cass was already on top of it.  She pointed sternly around the restaurant and back at Stephanie.  Stephanie nodded guiltily.  “Yeah, yeah.  Sorry.” She turned back to Marinette excitedly. “I just…” she lowered her voice and leaned closer to Marinette.  “You know Luka Coffaine?”
Marinette rolled her eyes at her excitement.  It was always so bizarre to see people’s reaction to Luka.  It was Luka. Just Luka.  Calm, reserved, laidback Luka.  The hysteria around his name just never seemed to fit.  “Yeah, I mean, we dated for a while so… yeah.”
“You dated Luka Coffaine!” Stephanie yelled again, receiving glares from everyone at the table.  Marinette shrunk down in her chair and gave a strained, apologetic smile to the rest of the café.  Cass slapped Stephanie’s shoulder and shook her head.  Stephanie waved her off and focused back on Marinette.  “Yeah, yeah.  Discretion.  Whatever. She dated Luka freaking Coffaine,” Stephanie insisted, motioning to Marinette.
“You dated Tim Drake,” Duke pointed out.
Stephanie snorted.  “That’s just Tim.  He’s just a big dork.  She dated…”
“Yeah we got it,” Barbara cut her off.
“Really, so is Luka,” Adrien shrugged.  “Probably more so, just about music.”  Marinette cocked her head to the side in thought for a few seconds before nodding in agreement.  He really was.
“Holy shit.  Did he introduce you to his dad?”  Stephanie was bouncing in her seat at the idea and the potential for an inside scoop on Jagged Stone.
“No,” Marinette answered.  She smiled internally at the way all their faces, except for Adrien’s fell, just a bit, almost imperceptibly, as if trying to hide their disappointment.  “I already knew him.”
“You know Jagged Stone?” Stephanie yelled. Marinette cringed as she sent the other patrons another apologetic smile.
Duke leaned over closer to her so he could whisper in her ear, though his voice intentionally carried across the table. “Maybe we shouldn’t talk about this anymore.”
“No!” Stephanie screeched, before catching what she did and settling down, a mask of composure settling on her face.  “I’m fine now.  I just needed to get that out.  I’m calm.” She stared at them for a few seconds before almost lunging across the table.  Adrien deftly moved his and Marinette’s drinks before she knocked them over in her zeal.  “Please tell me more.”
Marinette’s eyes widened and she started laughing.  “You realize you’re basically a daughter to the richest man in the world.  If you wanted to meet Jagged Stone, you could.”
Cass shook her head.  “Different.”
Barbara nodded.  “She’s right it is different.  You dated his son.  That’s a different type of knowing someone.”
“So you met Luka through Jagged?” Stephanie pressed.
Marinette suddenly looked uncomfortable.  She was not really excited to talk about their family dynamic and secrets.  It was a little too close to her own and she really, really wanted to move past that, not dwell on it more.  “No… I met Luka through my friend Juleka, his sister.  We went to school together for ages.  They’re both some of my best friends.”
“And she introduced you to Jagged?” Duke asked curiously.  He could tell something was off about this based on the way Marinette responded, but he wasn’t sure what.
“No… um…” she stuttered.  “I met Jagged through a school project.  Designed some sunglasses for him and we’ve been close ever since.”  Adrien grabbed her hand and squeezed it under the table
Stephanie looked between the two of them and plastered on a bright smile.  “So what I’m hearing is you can hook us up with some tickets next time he comes into town.”
Marinette laughed lightly.  “Either one of us could, yes.”
“Or for Clara Nightengale,” Adrien added in. “She loves Marinette, too.  She wanted her in one of her videos.”
“She wanted you in it too,” Marinette reminded him.
“No,” he corrected her, “Gabriel got me into it. She just had to deal with it.  She didn’t choose me.  She chose you.  She worked to get you in the video.”
Marinette opened her mouth to refute that but snapped it shut quickly as the words resonated in her head.  She meant more because Clara chose her.  He was thrust on Clara.  But it didn’t mean he was unwanted.  She looked down at her food and took a bite, trying to cover her sudden inability to breathe.  Trying to give herself time to process.  She needed to pack that away for later when she could properly unpack that statement, deconstruct it, and then finally reconstruct it in some skewed, perverted version of the original situation.
Adrien immediately froze seeing her reaction. He opened his mouth to say something but Marinette squeezed his hand under the table before he could, a silent message they could talk about it later, when they were alone, or at least not with an audience comprised of Waynes.
“So how did you meet Mons…” she stuttered.  It felt strange to call him M. Wayne when everyone else at the table was calling him Bruce.  Should she call him Bruce too?  Like they did.  Like Dick did?  Or B, like Jason did?  “…M. Wayne?” she finally settled on.
Duke grimaced.  They had a cover story, but was he really going to give Bruce’s daughter the cover story?  The truth involved Batman.  But Bruce hadn’t told her about that part of their lives yet, and even if he had told her, he certainly hadn’t told Adrien.  “It’s a long story…”
Marinette smiled encouragingly at him.  “We have time.” She saw him falter and felt her own smile falter.  She took note of the way the women had frozen up as well.  God, what was she doing?  M. Wayne had said how they met.  Why was she bringing that up now?  What was she thinking?  Even if he was okay discussing that trauma, he probably didn’t want to open up about it with a stranger.  
“You don’t have to tell me,” she assured him.  “It’s… it’s fine.”  She looked around desperately for something else to talk about, a change of topic to make the conversation not so awkward.  “You graduate from school next year, right?”  Duke blinked a few times before he let out a breath and nodded.  She let out a breath as well when the rest of the table seemed to relax at her question.  “Do you have plans for after you graduate?  Are you going to take a gap year or go to university or get a job?”
“I haven’t really decided yet.  Go to Gotham University, I guess,” he shrugged.
Marinette smiled disarmingly at him.  “You don’t have to decide now.  You have time.”
The waiter interrupted Marinette’s response with their food.  They gave their thanks and started eating.  “So what have you missed the most while you’ve been here?” Barbara asked.
“My parents’ cooking definitely,” Marinette grinned as she looked at her food. It didn’t look bad, but compared to her parents’ cooking… well not much compared.  “And the atmosphere.  Gotham is…” she looked around them as she thought of an unoffensive way to end that sentence.
“Dreary as Hell,” Stephanie finished for her.  “Yeah, we know.”
“I swear you guys have more gargoyles than we do though, which is just strange to me,” Adrien added.  “We were supposed to have the market cornered on gothic architecture.”
“Oh, you still do.  We just took the most depressing, dismal, gloomy, nightmare inducing parts and ran with it,” Duke grinned.  “But I would like to see Paris sometime.  Go see the Eiffel Tower… and jump off it.”
Barbara, Stephanie, and Cass all groaned at him.  Barbara gave him a stern look and pointed a warning finger in his face. “Not during the day.”
Duke laughed at her.  “Well I’m not going to do it at night.”
“Do it at sunrise,” Marinette advised.  “Less gendarmerie around then and if you angle it correctly, you get the most gorgeous view of the sunrise.”
“Bring sunglasses if you jump that way though.  I didn’t and I saw spots for hours.  Oh, and stretch first too,” Adrien added.  “You’re going to have to parkour for quite a while to try to ditch the GN.”
The rest of the table stared at them, jaws dropped in shock.  There was absolute silence at the table except for the sounds of Marinette sipping her drink and Adrien chewing his food. “You’ve…” Duke started almost too in awe to be able to finish the sentence.  “You’ve jumped off the Eiffel Tower?”
Marinette nodded and motioned between the two of them.  “Both of us have.  Both during an akuma attack and not.  Not was much preferable to during.”
“Isn’t that illegal?” Stephanie asked slowly.  She was like 90% positive it was but during akuma attacks, who knew what was legal anymore and Hell, maybe they had days where they gave exceptions. Stranger things have happened.
Marinette speared a bit of food and pointed it at her.  “Only if you get caught.”  She popped the food in her mouth with a triumphant grin.
Barbara blinked at her a few times and shook her head because dear God, there was another one.  She was going to fit right in.  No wonder she and Duke got along so well.  Both creative, smart, kind, thrill seeking, dumbasses.  “I’m pretty sure that’s not how that works,” she deadpanned.
Adrien shrugged and took a sip of his drink.  “I don’t know.  We didn’t get arrested, so I’m pretty sure it is.”
Duke and Stephanie started laughing hysterically.  They looked over at Cass with raised eyebrows when they settled down. Cass stared intently at Marinette and Adrien for a few seconds, staring into them like she was reading their souls. Marinette and Adrien looked at each other with identical unsure looks and subconsciously leaned back at the same time, shuffling in their seats.  Cass stared at them for just a few more seconds before she nodded.
“Holy shit,” Duke muttered in awe.  “You were telling the truth.”
Marinette looked back over at Adrien for an explanation he clearly didn’t have, judging by the blank look on his face before looking back at Duke.  “Uh… yeah?”
“What just happened?” Adrien asked tentatively.
“Sorry about that,” Barbara sent them a disarming smile.  “Cass is kind of like a human lie detector.  She is exceptionally good at telling if someone is lying.  She just confirmed that you two were not.”
Marinette blinked at Barbara a few times before turning to Cass and blinking at her.  “Huh… good to know,” she nodded slowly.  Her eyes stayed on Cass but it was clear her mind was running a mile a minute behind them.  After a few seconds she spoke up again.  “Can you tell the lies people tell themselves too?”
Cass quirked her head to the side and studied Marinette for a moment and shook her head.  “Have to know.”
Marinette nodded and silently took a bite of her food. “Well, that has to come in handy,” Adrien chirped.  “Remind me to take you with me when I meet people.”
Marinette could feel eyes boring into her.  She looked back over at Cass and raised a curious eyebrow at her.  “Hero,” she finally said.
Marinette coughed for a second and looked back at her with her most convincing blank look.  “I’m sorry.  What?”
Cass nodded toward Marinette.  “Eiffel Tower.”
Marinette chuckled disarmingly and shook her head. “You think I’m a lot more honorable than I am.  You think it’s more likely that I was a hero than that I knowingly, intentionally, purposefully violated the law for fun.”  She leaned closer to Cass with a smirk.  “But I can assure you, I regularly did.”
The others at the table looked to Cass.  She quirked her head to the side and gave a small smile before nodding.  “Truth.”  Cass pointed to herself.  “Next time.”
Marinette grinned and nodded excitedly. “Absolutely.”
Duke cleared his throat.  “And Duke,” Cass added.
Marinette chuckled.  “Of course.  We can make a New Kids Club event out of it.”
“And me!” Stephanie chirped.
Barbara sighed and turned to Adrien.  “Dick said you had a job interview yesterday.  How did it go?”
Marinette beamed at Adrien as he responded. Adrien’s face lit up.  “It went well I think.  I think I’d really enjoy working there!  I met the department chair and other professors.  It looks like a really supportive department and University, very research oriented.”
“Where is it?” Duke asked between bites.
“Metropolis,” Adrien answered, his fondness he’d already developed for the city bleeding into his tone.
“Oooh, Conner lives there.  If you’re still deciding if you want to live there or if you need a tour guide, or recommendations on where to eat, he’d be more than happy to help,” Stephanie offered.
Marinette’s smile turned into a pointed smirk and Adrien groaned quietly.  “Conner, did you say?”
Stephanie looked between them, her brow furrowing in confusion.  “Yeah?”
“That wouldn’t happen to be Tim’s single friend would it?”  Her eyes never left Adrien as she asked, her smirk somehow getting even sharper.
Adrien groaned even louder when he looked over and saw Cass’ smile matched Marinette’s and Duke and Stephanie both had devious, familiar looking glints in their eyes.  This was clearly payback for all his attempts to set Marinette and Chloe up with different people.  “Why yes, yes it is.  How about that,” Duke grinned.
Cass pulled out her phone and moved her finger around the screen for a second then finally looked up with an innocent looking smile.  Adrien groaned and dropped his head into his hands.  “I’m not even in this family.  Why am I being punished?”
Barbara laughed and popped a bit of food in her mouth. “That’s funny.  You think just because there’s no paperwork, you haven’t been adopted already.  I made that mistake at first too.”
Chapter 19
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@maribat-bdbwm @jayjayspixiepop @redscarlet95 @alice-hazelwood @deathssilentapproach-blog @unoriginalmess @alyssadeliv @emotionalsupportginger @frieddonutsweets @when-no-wings-do-broomsticks @toodaloo-kangaroo @colorfulmongerpsychicranch @iloontjeboontje @wolf-for-life @maribatserver @aespades @prettylittlebutterflie @imarivers8  @ certainmuffinbagelcalzone @ritacrow-blog @unoriginalmess @demonicbusiness @kking13 @lady-bee-fechin @blur-of-colours @kittenmywaythrulife @kashlyn @loysydark @nerd-nowandforever
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For the First Time (What’s Past Is Past)
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Pairing: Neighbor!Hoseok x f!reader
Summary: After your eight years relationship comes to a brutal end, you don’t really see yourself getting back into dating — ever, probably. And then, your new neighbor who has the most beautiful smile you’ve ever seen needs to borrow a corkscrew, and you don’t realize it just yet, but your resolve doesn’t stand a chance. 
Also available on Ao3.
Word count: 15.7k
Genre: Fluff, (light) angst, eventual smut
Warnings: heavily discussed/referenced cheating, cursing, soft and gentle smut, penetrative sex, some pining, alcohol consumption, reader is not great with feelings, hoseok is good with feelings, the boys make cameos
A/N: Woohoo, first work in this fandom! This is actually the longest one-shot I’ve ever written (by my standards it’s LONG). Enjoy!
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He doesn’t beg you to stay. He doesn’t tell you that “it’s not what you think”, doesn’t tell you that “it didn’t mean anything”, doesn’t ask for your forgiveness, doesn’t tell you that the two of you can work it out, that you can get through this together.
Instead, he tells you that he loves her, and when your entire world shatters in front of you, there is nothing you can do. You are completely and utterly alone.
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When you first meet Jung Hoseok, he’s coming out of his apartment right as you’re getting into yours. He looks a little startled at first, but then he smiles at you, and you just stare.
You’ve never been good at interacting with people, especially strangers, especially when you’re not expecting it. You have to prepare yourself for those things, and right now, you’re very much not.
“Oh,” you say, looking at him.
The thing is, you recognize him — sort of. You’ve seen him around the building, and you immediately noticed him. You think it would have been impossible not to, frankly. You have ever seen someone who shines as bright as he does.
There is no other word for it. Hoseok shines.
It’s everything about him, and nothing at the same time. It’s his bright smile, first and foremost, and the way his brown eyes sparkle. It doesn’t hurt that he looks the way he does, all tall and thin and muscular, carrying himself like a dancer, but it’s his smile that you can’t get out of your mind. You’ve barely seen it, he gave you a quick, polite one when you passed him by in the parking lot, and yet you’ve thought about it more than you should have.
You’re surprised to see him here, though. You’ve been here for a month now, and you had never met the person who lived right next to you. You certainly never even considered that it could be the man with the bright smile and kind eyes you saw around, though the laugh you got used to hearing through the walls certainly completes that picture beautifully.
His smile widens a little, and he has a silent chuckle at your reaction.
“Hi,” he says.
You nod. You forget to reply, or to smile back, and you only realize that after you’ve closed your door behind you and Hoseok is already in the elevator.
You decide, firmly, to push that encounter out of your mind and to forget it ever happened.
(You can’t.)
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There’s a gentle knock on your door, and you go to open it, surprised and a little confused. Your friends don’t live in the area and aren’t the type to drop by unannounced, and you don’t know anyone in your building. You wish you could add ‘yet’ to that sentence, but you are quite terribly antisocial, so you doubt you’ll ever get there, unless someone actually wants to get to know you. Which is not going to happen.
Hoseok’s smile greets you, and you blink. You note that his cheeks are slightly flushed, that he’s wearing a nice shirt, and that his hair is a little ruffled. He looks good — very good.
“Hi!” he says, when you forget, once more, what your lines are supposed to be in such a situation.
“Hi,” you remember to reply, but you’re late and offbeat, so you actually interrupt what he’s trying to say next, and you know you would be furious at yourself if you cared.
It’s been a long time since you’ve last found the energy to do that though.
“Sorry,” he smiles again, “I— I was wondering if you had a corkscrew I could borrow?”
You look back at your kitchen, mentally making an inventory of what you own. You know for sure you’ve never bought a corkscrew, you wouldn’t have the use for it, but there is a distant memory of—
“Just a second,” you say, walking to your kitchen.
You rummage through your cupboard for a few moments, before emerging victorious, holding a corkscrew you’re pretty sure Hyejin bought you when you first moved after The Break-Up, telling you that you would need it. You hadn’t, but you didn’t like throwing things away, so you had kept it, even after you had changed apartments a second time.
“Ah, you’re a life savior!” Hoseok rejoices when you hand it to him. “I’ll give it back to you as soon as possible, okay?”
You want to say that he doesn’t have to. You don’t.
“Sure,” you say, lifting a corner of your lips in a poor attempt at a smile. “Enjoy yourself.”
He seems a bit taken aback by the comment, but then he nods, and something strange twists in your stomach because of how he looks at you. Fondly.
God. You must be terribly deprived of affection if that is all it takes.
“Thank you, I will! Have a nice evening!”
The “Thank you” you reply with sounds awkward to your ears, and you grimace as you close the door. You’re pretty sure you’ve handled that interaction terribly, and you half regret not telling him to put the corkscrew back into your mailbox when he returns it, to save you the embarrassment of going through something similar again.
But you also don’t regret it that much, and that’s something.
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Hoseok catches you again a few days later. This time, he pokes his head out of his apartment as you’re turning the key into your lock. You’re not that surprised. If he can hear you half as well as you can hear him, it’s no wonder he hears you coming in.
“I have your corkscrew!”
The weirdness of that sentence, out of context, amuses you. You wait for him to reappear, and when he does, he gives you the corkscrew back with a strange reverence, like you did him a huge favor.
“Thanks,” you say. “Did it, uh, did it help? Was the— was what you drank good? Was it wine?”
That’s too many questions.
“Yeah— Yeah, it was good!” Hoseok lightens up, like he hasn’t even noticed that you can’t, for the life of you, have a normal conversation with someone. “We had some wine. I don’t have wine often, but I thought it was good. Not that I know much about it, though,” he laughs, and the sound is extremely nice. “You drink wine?”
You shake you head.
“No, the— the corkscrew’s a gift from a friend. I barely use it. You can keep it, actually.”
His eyes widen.
“You’re sure?”
You nod.
“I probably— I shouldn’t accept that. It’s yours. And it’s a gift.”
He looks genuinely worried, and you find it extremely endearing. He seems so worried about whatever rules are to be followed when it comes to accepting gifts from a neighbor you’ve met twice and— You think it’s sweet, is all.
“It’s fine, I don’t really drink. And when I do, it’s usually beer.”
And mojitos. You’re a big mojito fan. But he doesn’t need to know that.
“Well, if you’re sure…”
The corkscrew changes hands. Again.
“I’m Hoseok, by the way,” he says.
You don’t tell him that you know that. You do, because you’ve looked at the mailbox to see what your neighbor’s name was — when you moved in, mind you, not after finding out what he looked like — but you think that maybe that’s not the type of things people normally do.
Instead, you tell him your name, and Hoseok’s eyes seem to twinkle when he smiles at you.
You part awkwardly, the awkwardness mostly coming from you, as usual, and you think that’s the last you’ll see of your neighbor, outside of the occasional run-ins that you should be able to escape without having to talk to him. So that’s a relief.
(But it’s also just a tiny bit disappointing.)
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You don’t drink, but Hyejin does. Especially wine, especially after a break-up, which you guess explains the corkscrew gift. When she arrives at your apartment, you’re first worried that she’s going to get offended you don’t have it anymore, but it quickly becomes clear that she doesn’t remember giving it to you. That doesn’t stop her from sending you out to get one from one of your neighbors. Usually she’d do it, because she knows how much you hate asking strangers for things, but she’s not herself tonight. The relationship was nearing the six months mark, something she had been really excited about, so you want to do what you can to help
That leaves you in an uncomfortable situation, though. You could ask another neighbor, but there’s the risk that they wouldn’t have a corkscrew — you’ve thought of that word way too much recently and it’s starting to lose its meaning in your mind — or that they wouldn’t want to give it to you, or that they’d slam the door in your face, or—
That’s irrational. You know that’s irrational and unlikely to happen. Still, knocking on Hoseok’s door is going to be awkward, but at least you’re pretty sure that he will be nice about it. So you do.
“Yeah— Oh, hey, (Y/N), what can I do for you?”
He does have a truly beautiful smile.
“Well, I have a friend over, and she actually drinks wine, and—”
Hoseok lets out a loud laugh that has you freezing like a deer in headlights first, then brings a careful smile to your lips.
“I’ll give it back,” you mumble sheepishly.
“It’s fine, it’s yours,” he chuckles, stepping back in his apartment, but leaving the door open behind him. You wonder if you should follow, then decide against it. Instead, you stand in the hallway, shifting your weight from one leg to the other. About as uncomfortable as can be.
You do take a peek inside, though. The rooms seem to be laid out pretty much the same as in your own apartment, with the kitchen on the left when you walk in, and you guess the bedroom door is the one you can see facing you, after the lounge. The interior design is simple, but stylish, and you notice movie posters on the walls. It’s nice and, though you barely know him, you can’t help but thinking that it’s a distinctively Hoseok place.
You haven’t really done anything to decorate, apart from bringing in your plants. It’s not your thing. At all. Maybe Hyejin will do something about it tonight. Wouldn’t be the first time she decorates your place while drunk. Last time, she’d ordered wallpaper. You’d forced her to come to help you put it on, and she had found it hilarious.
That was probably why she’d told you you were ‘better than therapy’.
“A-ha!” Hoseok exclaims before quickly returning to you. “There you go,” he says. “Is the wine your friend brought any good?”
You honestly have no idea. You don’t know the first thing about wine. Hyejin does, but you doubt that is something she feels very concerned with tonight.
Right as you’re thinking that, she opens your apartment door, calling out your name, way too loud, and seems satisfied when she sees you so close.
“Got one,” you tell her, waving the corkscrew. “Thanks, Hoseok, I’ll—”
“You look like you need a drink too,” Hyejin says bluntly, eyes set on him. “Wanna join?”
You look at him, surprised. You didn’t notice anything. You thought he looked fine. A little tired, maybe, and not quite as nicely dressed as he was that first night he had knocked on your door, but not any different from when you’d see him around. Hyejin is good with those things, though, so you suppose she’s probably right, but you don’t want Hoseok to feel pressured.
“You don’t have to—”
“You know what? I think I’ll take that invitation,” he says, and Hyejin nods in approval. “If it’s fine with the hostess,” he adds politely, giving you a wink.
As if. You already can’t deny Hyejin anything, so there’s no way you can deny him, especially when that wink has you weak in the knees.
“Sure,” you smile. “Let’s get you guys drunk.”
“That’s the spirit!” Hyejin shouts, raising a hand for high-five, which Hoseok gives her enthusiastically, a light-hearted laugh leaving his lips.
You shake your head, but you’re grinning.
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As you expected, Hyejin passes out on your couch, drunk and sad and tired. Her and Hoseok had an amazing time, talking about their love life, while you sat on a stool by your kitchen island, sipping the same glass of wine for the entire evening. You don’t drink, you don’t even like alcohol that much, but you want to be supportive, and you’ve noticed it makes people feel better when you at least have a glass in your hands.
You listen to them, though. They have the same type of chaotic energy, and they get along immediately, in a way you could never dream of getting along with a stranger. Hyejin talks about her break up, and she’s as devastated as she always is. Hoseok nods along with just the right amount of intensity, at just the right times, and punctuates her talking with gasps. When it’s his turn to share, he talks about ‘people who don’t know what they want’, and his bitter tone worries you a little. You guess things didn’t go that well with whoever he was sharing that bottle of wine with. It comes as a surprise, because you certainly heard that it was going fine, that night.
After Hyejin falls asleep, Hoseok looks around your room, and, as soon as his eyes lock with yours, he walks over to you. He’s a little tipsy, and there’s a red tint to his cheeks. He sits across from you, then leans on the island and rest his chin on his hands.
“So, what about you? Any terrible break-up you want to talk about?”
The question almost makes you jump, but you manage to keep your composure. Still, you can feel a cold hand wrapping around your heart and squeezing it. You hate that you’re still so affected by any mention of it. You should be over it by now. You certainly don’t have any feelings left for Minsu, so you don’t understand why this is still so hard.
At the same time, it feels kind of refreshing to hear him asking that without sugar-coating it. You friends have been walking on eggshells around you ever since The Break-Up, and none of them know exactly what happened. They just know that Minsu has a new girlfriend now.
“It’s been almost a year,” you tell him, keeping your voice light. “I’m okay. You two look like you need to talk a lot more than I do.”
“That depends,” he says, frowning, though you’re not sure if it’s because of what you said or because he has a hard time focusing with all the alcohol running in his blood. “I wasn’t serious. Were you serious?”
Ah.
“Yeah.” You shrug. “I was.”
You don’t date someone for eight years unless it’s serious. Sure, it started when the two of you were in high school, and a lot of people probably didn’t think you would make it that far, but you felt— you felt comfortable with Minsu. You felt good around him. You liked talking about your work with him, liked hearing him rant about video games, liked how you goofed around when you did the dishes. You hadn’t seen anything coming.
A third of your life. When he’d broken up with you, you had spent a third of your life with him.
“Then you probably should be drinking some more,” Hoseok says decidedly, grabbing the bottle of wine to refill your glass. You remove it just in time, and he stops in time not to spill anything Looks like his reflexes aren’t too bad, even after drinking. He pouts at you, and it’s, actually, adorable.
“What about you?” you ask, trying to change the subject, trying to push aside memories you want nothing to do with anymore. “Things didn’t work out with the girl you had over the other day?”
His face falls, and you feel bad, but at least you’re not talking about yourself anymore.
“I thought it was going good. I mean we— You probably heard it, right? I can hear you walk around at night. At ungodly hours, by the way. Your rhythm of sleep must be fucked.”
You laugh.
“I did hear you,” you admit, unable to stop yourself from grinning. “So I thought it was going good too.”
“Well, she ghosted me,” Hoseok sighs dramatically. “I couldn’t even get a nice ‘it’s not me it’s you’!” He tilts his head. “Wait. No.”
“You’re drunk, Hoseok,” you say affectionately. “You should get back to your apartment.”
“I’m not drunk,” he protests. “Hyejin’s drunk. I’m doing great. Could a drunk person do that?”
The second the words leave his mouth, you get ready to stop him. Every single time you’ve heard those, disaster followed. You’ve seen drunk men fall into bushes of nettles with their pants down, watched several girls faceplant, and, once, witnessed someone breaking a wrist. He’d been lucky, though, because his bike had never been the same after that.
You get out of your stool, worried both for Hoseok and for your apartment, and then he breaks into some elaborate dance moves. You can only stare in disbelief. You couldn’t do that at your most sober. You can’t take your eyes away from the graceful, efficient way his body moves, like he has absolute control over every single one of his muscles. When he shoots you a satisfied smile at the end, there’s only one thing you can think to answer.
“Wow.”
“Exactly.” He makes finger guns at you with his right hand, clicks his tongue, and winks. In doing so, he somehow upsets his balance, which was perfect only seconds ago, and has to catch himself on your table, but he doesn’t fall. That is, possibly, even more impressive. “So I’m not drunk,” he says, shaking his head to push some hair out of his eyes and leaning against your table like he’d planned for it all to happen exactly that way.
You look at him, and an unexpected softness blooms in your chest. Hoseok’s hot, you knew that already, but that’s not what you marvel at right now. No, you’re impressed by how endearing he is. How lovable.
All thoughts of Minsu are long gone. If you noticed it, you would probably hate the impact any mention of the break-up has on you, even though Minsu is such a small part of what you think about.
You would also realize how easily Hoseok takes your mind off it.
“You’ve convinced me,” you nod, hoping he’s too drunk to pick up on the sarcasm. “But I’m sure you’re tired.”
He tilts his head, considering it.
“This time, I think you have a point.”
He’s so serious that you have to laugh, and that makes him smile. It’s not one of those wide, bright smiles that you’ve gotten used to. It’s much more subdued, lifts only a corner of his lips, and yet it feels… intimate. It’s not performative. It’s just for himself, and it takes your breath away.
“I’ll get going,” he tells you softly. “Thank you for tonight. Your friend was fun and it was nice of you to let us bother you.”
“You didn’t bother me,” you answer honestly.
Hoseok smiles and looks down at his feet, and you wonder if he believes you. It’s true, though. You like listening to people talk. You don’t mind that you weren’t included. Him and Hyejin needed to vent, and you were happy to be there for it.
“If you ever want to talk to someone about that again, I’ll be here,” you find yourself saying, hoping it doesn’t come off as strange. “And Hyejin won’t mind either, if she’s around. I think she liked you.”
Hoseok laughs, and you feel relieved. You’ve noticed it before, but he does have a nice laugh, and you’ve gotten used to it since you’ve moved in. It would suck if you couldn’t hear it anymore.
You walk him out, then wait for him in his embrasure until he gets to his door. He sends you a mocking glance while turning his key into the lock.
“I’m not going to collapse in the five meters that separate our apartments, you know.”
“I don’t. What if you fall asleep between our doors and you spend the night there?”
He laughs like it’s the funniest thing he’s ever heard, and you nod. Yup. He’s definitely drunk, and you’re definitely making the right choice by waiting for him to be back in safely.
“Say goodbye to Hyejin for me!”
“Don’t forget to lock the door behind you!”
Another laugh, but no reply. You smile, then close and make sure you lock your door behind you.
Inside, you cover Hyejin with a blanket, clean up around your apartment a little and then, after brushing your teeth, let yourself fall into bed. You’re exhausted, and you know you’re probably going to regret that one glass of wine in the morning — you can’t do alcohol.
It was a strange night, all in all. Fun, by your admittedly low standards, but strange. You don’t know where you stand with your neighbor now. You like things to be clear-cut, otherwise you risk getting lost in the awkwardness of the in-betweens, and they’re definitely not — are you friends? Are you neighbors? Were you too cold? Too friendly? Does he think you’re weird?
“G’night, (Y/N),” a sleepy voice says from the other side of the wall, and you smile. He’s drunk, and you’re sure that’s why he says that, but it’s still nice.
“Goodnight, Hoseok.”
Maybe, for once, the in-between you’re standing in is not that bad.
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Hoseok has another date. You know, because he asks for the corkscrew back. He looks as excited as the last time when you open your door, and you can’t help but compare him to a puppy. You note, again, the nice white shirt, which does marvels for his arms and shoulders, with the top buttons open, revealing some skin. Hoseok looks— he looks good. You knew that, of course, and yet it still hits you.
You find yourself a little jealous of the girl who’s in his apartment. Not just for that, but because, from what you’ve seen of him so far, he’s a pleasant guy to be around. He’s nice, energetic, funny, he has a great laugh. There’s simply nothing not to like.
For the first time since— For the first time, you think that maybe you should date again. Not him necessarily, he’s probably way out of your league, but someone. Surely, you could find someone. You don’t think you’d look as happy as Hoseok does now, but maybe you could have some fun.
You give him the corkscrew, wish him good luck.
“You don’t need luck when you look like that,” he says, putting a hand under his chin and winking, and it makes you laugh. “Thanks,” he adds. “I’ll invest in one of those so I don’t have to keep annoying you, by the way. I promise!”
That night, you spend a lot of time with your headphones on, and you end up sleeping on your couch, in a weird attempt to give him some privacy.
(You hope he doesn’t keep his promise.)
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You’re surprised to see Hoseok at your door the next time. Not because of the promise, though you remember it — you doubt that he does. You’ve learnt through time that people often forget things they don’t find important. You never do, and you wonder if it’s because your brain has trouble separating what matters and what doesn’t.
No, you’re surprised because it’s too early for him to have a date, and because he already has your corkscrew.
“Hey,” he says, and the smile he gives you is a little droopy and tired, “does your invitation still stands?”
Your eyes widen and you nod, pushing yourself out of the way so he can come in.
“Of course, but I don’t have alcohol. Do you want me to call Hyejin?”
He laughs, and you wonder if that was a weird thing to say.
“If she’s available, absolutely. I don’t know how I made it without a Hyejin in my life until now.”
That makes you chuckle, and you whole-heartedly agree. Hyejin’s indispensable.
Unfortunately, it turns out she can’t make it that night, but she sounds excited by the idea. She asks you to tell Hoseok you’ll invite him next time she’s around, so you do, and he’s as happy about it as she is. The two of them make an obvious pair, and you’re sure they’d grow to be good friends if they spent more time together.
After that, Hoseok gets a pack of beer from his apartment, and you grab one, which you keep in your hand while he downs several others. He talks about things that are happening around him. His job as an accountant — “Can you tell me why I thought that was a good idea?” —, the dance lessons he takes on the side — “otherwise I’d go crazy“ —, his friends — “Idiots! All of them! They’re lucky I love them so much!” —, and also, your taste in music, which he’s very aware of given the complete lack of soundproofing between your apartments — “Listen, sad ballads are well and good, but have you considered listening to something happy?”.
At this point, he gets on his feet and starts to dance, and just like the last time, you think he’s amazing at this.
“C’mon!” he says, dancing his way to you and grabbing your hands. “You have to join me!”
You try to protest, but you know you’re not going to be able to resist him. When he makes you spin, you let out a loud laugh, and you try not to think too much about the way his hand naturally falls to your hip to help you keep your balance. You’re sure he hasn’t noticed, that it’s normal behavior for him, and you don’t want to look too affected. Your cheeks likely betray you, but Hoseok doesn’t comment on it. Instead, he lets you go after rubbing his thumb over your knuckles, once.
“You need to enjoy yourself sometimes!” he says, almost threateningly. “If you don’t, I’ll come over and make you!”
You wish he would.
“So,” you say after he’s fallen back into silence, staring at his beer bottle with a little too much intensity, “things didn’t work out with the girl you had over last time?”
Hoseok sighs.
“No,” he mumbles. “She said I was moving too fast for her.”
“Were you?”
He looks taken off-guard by your question.
“I don’t think I was,” he replies after giving it a second of thought. “I didn’t pressure her or anything. I think she didn’t want a relationship, and she didn’t want to tell me that.”
“That sucks,” you say, shaking your head. Hoseok seems pretty calm about it, if a little dejected, but you feel annoyed just thinking of that girl that you’ve never met. “She put the blame on you instead of being honest.”
“Better now than later, though,” he says, sounding deep in thought. “I’m disappointed, but I’m not hurt. If she realized after the date that we weren’t a good fit, she did the right thing.”
For a fleeting second, you wonder when Minsu knew, how long he’d had doubts, what he could have done differently to hurt you less, but the thought quickly vanishes. You still think the girl should have been truthful about it. You’re about to say so when Hoseok lets out a little laugh.
You’ve come to realize that there is a lot of depth to both his smiles and his laughs. They don’t always mean that he’s happy. He does them even when he’s sad. You’re not sure why, but if you were to guess, you’d say he doesn’t like giving in to the sadness, and the smiles and laughs are ways of fighting it off.
“The thing is— I get it. I know I can be… a little too much,” he says sheepishly, and you can tell that the words are painful to say, even if he’s acting nonchalant. He might have heard them one too many times.
Hearing that makes you feel bad. It makes something deep inside you ache. Maybe because the corners of his lips are falling, or maybe because, for the first time since he’s walked into your apartment, he looks like he’s about to cry. Maybe it’s because of how unjustified it seems to you. You love Hoseok’s energy, his enthusiasm, but you’re not sure how to tell him that.
So, instead of trying to come up with something, you reach over the table and grab his hand gingerly. The gesture is not the most smooth, because you’re pretty bad at physical demonstrations, but Hoseok immediately squeezes your fingers in his.
“That’s fine,” you tell him, doing your best to smile at him. “I can be… a little not enough.”
“You?” he protests immediately, shaking his head, “No way! I refuse to believe anyone’s ever told you that!”
His offended tone makes you chuckle, but you don’t miss how relieved he seems by the distraction, and you don’t blame him.
“I don’t know if you’ve noticed,” you tell him conspiratorially, “but I can be a little awkward, and I’m not the best at making conversation.”
At that, he bursts out laughing, but when he stops, the look he gives you is so soft that you feel yourself melt under his gaze.
“But you’re the best listener,” he says, and his tone is gentle and fond and you don’t know what to to do with yourself. You feel rooted to your spot, unable — and unwilling — to escape. You have the feeling your hand is burning up in his. You’re sure you’re blushing. There’s no way you’re not blushing right now.
“I don’t think you’re too much,” you blurt out. “I think you’re just the right amount.”
You really, really wish you were even just a little better at speaking to people.
Hoseok’s eyes widen at your statement, and then he smiles at you. It’s a genuinely happy smile that you couldn’t have imagined on his lips a moment ago.
“Thank you,” he says.
He doesn’t add anything. He doesn’t have to.
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After that night, after you made sure once more that Hoseok got back to his apartment safely, even if he was far less intoxicated than the last time, and after he wished you goodnight from his room again, Hoseok and you start making small talk when you see each other. It doesn’t seem like much, but it’s a huge victory for you. Before that, you’d stayed years without exchanging more than a nod with your neighbors.
There are a couple more times at your place. Him and Hyejin meet again and, like you’d predicted, get along perfectly. Sometimes, your stomach twists a little when he puts his hand on her knee, or when she wraps an arm around his shoulders for a brief hug, but you try not to think too much about it. You don’t want to think about it, even if deep down, you know what is happening.
You’ve been through it before, after all, and it didn’t end well for you.
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You blink when the lights turn back on, trying to adjust to the light. Next to you, Hyejin stretches.
“Well, that was something,” she says.
You feel too awestruck to reply just now, so you nod.
“Hoseok really is that amazing, isn’t he?”
“He is,” you say, and you let out a soft chuckle. You remember him dancing in your kitchen, completely wasted, and you remember how impressed you’d been then. You hadn’t realized then how much better he would be when he was sober.
“We owe him one for inviting us,” Hyejin continues. She’s used to making the conversation for the two of you anyway. “Think he could introduce me to one of the other dancers?”
You laugh and, in an unusual demonstration of affection, link your arm with hers. It’s not like you, but you’re feeling great after watching the performance. Hyejin’s right, of course. It was really nice of Hoseok to give you tickets to his dance group’s show. He’d looked so nervous, and after seeing this, you absolutely cannot imagine why. He has to know how incredible he looks, right?
You and Hyejin wait around for a little while, until Hoseok comes out. You’re not the only ones here to see him and the other dancers, and though Hyejin would happily call out to him, you manage to make her wait until he approaches you. His smile is bright and blinding when he finds you, and you feel your heart flutter. Hoseok’s smile has the strangest effects on you.
“So,” he starts, rubbing his hands together, “what did you guys think? Did you like it?”
“You were incredible,” you say, and the way his eyes shine when he looks at you disarms you completely. For a second, the world fades out around you. The people, the noise, the voices — gone in an instant. It’s just the two of you, and the affection with which Hoseok looks at you has you frozen in your spot.
You’re familiar with the feeling, have tried your best to dismiss it in the recent months, but this time, you don’t shy away from it. You like how Hoseok makes you feel, and even if a part of you is whispering in your ears that you’re taking a risk in letting anyone make you feel like that again, you ignore it. You’re willing to take that risk, and that realization makes your head spin.
You can’t look away from Hoseok, and he isn’t looking away from you either.
Then Hyejin starts to talk about the show, and the spell is broken. You don’t mind the interruption, and in fact, when you hear her speaking, you quickly find yourself interested. Hyejin is good with visual arts, in a way you aren’t, and it’s fascinating to hear her commentaries. Hoseok seems sucked in, too, but there is a strangeness in the air, a feeling, between you and him. You feel it in the briefest of looks, the softest of touches, his hand brushing against yours, in a smile that’s much softer than the ones he usually gives. You’re aware you could very well be imagining it, but there is also a chance you aren’t.
(God, you hope you aren’t.)
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You weren’t too happy when Hyejin told you about the party. Now that you’re here, you want nothing more than to run away. You’re seriously considering it when Hyejin grabs your arm, and you know that she knows you were about to bail on her. Usually, you’d feel bad, but not tonight.
Minsu is here.
With his new girlfriend.
The one he cheated on you with.
You knew it was only a matter of time, because you have the same group of friends, and because it’s not like anyone knows what he did to you — you’re not sure they would pick your side even if they did —, but you still aren’t looking forward to seeing him again. In fact, it could never happen, and you would find it to be too soon. It’s not like this is still a gaping wound. It’, You don’t think you will ever forget about it, about the feelings you experienced then, sure, but the love you felt for him is long gone. Now it’s more like a phantom limb that throbs every once in a while.
Part of you is somewhat afraid that seeing him will revive it, though, and you never want to go through that again.
But it’s been over a year now. You need to be over this, and you guess tonight might as well be the acid test for that.
You expect Hyejin to berate you, but the look in her eyes is one of pity, which you hate. When she leans to whisper in your ear, you think she’s going to say some encouraging words. Instead, she hits with something else entirely.
“Hoseok’s by the drinks.”
…What?
“I invited him, I thought it would be a good idea.”
Right.
“You should go keep him company!”
Then she quickly vanishes, but not before you can throw her a piercing glance. You know your friend. You can tell when she’s trying to set you up with someone.
She’s lucky you don’t mind, but you’re pretty sure she knows that. You don’t tend to be the best at hiding your feelings, no matter how hard you try, and you’ve been in the situation before when she knew you liked someone before you did.
You guess the set-up merely confirms something you had felt building up for a while now, all while avoiding the obvious conclusion.
You like Hoseok.
You find him quickly, making small talk with some of your friends, and some more people you don’t recognize. The group isn’t what it used to be. Over the years, some people left, others brought in friends of theirs, and while there are still a good portion of your high school friends — well, of people you went to high school with — you definitely don’t know all of them.
For a second, you wonder if you should interrupt. Hoseok’s a natural when it comes to all this social stuff, a real extrovert. He looks amazing, right now, in one of those shirts you’ve seen him wear on dates, his hair nicely done. Everyone he’s talking to looks absolutely charmed, and for the second time tonight, you consider running away.
Then Hoseok sees you, and his smile widens, and he waves you over. You give polite nods and introductions, finding out that you actually do know some of the people you originally didn’t recognize, and grab yourself a glass of wine to feel a little more included. Hoseok puts his hand on your shoulder at first, and then if falls to the small of your back. You find yourself relaxing a little, standing by his side. You don’t know what it is about him and his touch that you find so grounding. You’ve never disliked physical contact, even if you don’t tend to initiate it, but with him it’s— different. Everything is.
That doesn’t stop you from feeling relieved when the group moves on and you find yourself alone with him. Maintaining a conversation with a lot of people is exhausting.
“Is everything going okay?” you ask. “I didn’t know you were coming.”
“Well, it’s not a party until I walk in,” Hoseok grins cockily, tilting his head towards you. “Why, are you tired of seeing my face everywhere you go?”
“I don’t think that could ever happen,” you laugh, and there it is again, on Hoseok’s face, that look he gives you from time to time, for a reason you haven’t figured out yet. His eyes widen, and his lips curl into that smile that’s not as bright as the one he usually gives, but just as sincere. It makes heat pool in your stomach.
“That’s good,” he says softly.
There is probably something more there than you realize, and you want to ask about it, but you see Minsu and his girlfriend from the corner of your eye. Before you can think about it, you’ve grabbed Hoseok so he can serve as a shield between you and the rest of the room. The move surprises him, and he grabs onto you to stabilize himself, fingers wrapping around your arms. He’s close, but you can’t think about this right now.
“My ex is here,” you mumble when he shoots you a questioning look.
“Oh,” he says, and you miss the hint of disappointment in his voice. “The one you were serious with?”
You didn’t think he would remember that.
“Yeah,” you reply with a grimace. “With his new girlfriend. I just— I don’t want to speak to them.”
A decided expression settles on Hoseok’s face.
“Let’s get you out of here,” he whispers at you.
You barely have the time to blink at him before he starts leading you towards the exit. You don’t know if it’s that much more discreet, not with the way he keeps his back turned to the room and his shoulders squared, taking his role as your human shield very seriously, but you’re still grateful.
The second you’ve set foot outside, you burst out laughing, and Hoseok quickly joins you.
“Thank you, Hoseok,” you smile once you’ve caught your breath. “I don’t know what I would have done without you.”
“Walked out the door, I guess,” he replies, lifting his hands to arrange your hair.
You stay still for him. You don’t mean just that, though. You can’t express how much you appreciate his support right now, instead of the pity you usually get. You like that Hoseok turned this into— a joke. That he made you laugh about the way you’re hiding from your ex, instead of making you feel pathetic.
Just as you're thinking that, a wave of affection for him bursts in your chest, filling you with warmth, and you have no idea what to do with it. Especially not when he’s standing so close to you, biting his lower lip with concentration as he runs his fingers through your hair.
You kind of want to kiss him, but something tells you the timing isn’t right.
Finally, Hoseok takes a step back with a satisfied smile.
“There. Perfect.”
“I’ll have to let Hyejin know you’ll replace her as my personal hairdresser,” you chuckle.
“Oh, I’ll fight her for that spot!”
And there it is again. You’re laughing. You just saw Minsu again, and yet you’re laughing. The very idea would have sounded ludicrous a few months ago. Not because of Minsu per say, but because you didn’t think there would be anything to joke about. Or anyone to laugh with.
But Hoseok is here. By your side, in your life.
In your heart.
Someone clears their throat next to you, and you know even before turning around.
Minsu’s standing there. He looks good, if you’re being honest. He doesn’t have the dark circles under his eyes that you had gotten used to when you were dating, from the all-nighters he pulled when he was in college, and he’s clean-shaven. He’s wearing his favorite jacket, and that might be what you’re most taken aback by. The fact that you know this jacket. He used to put it on your shoulders when you got cold.
You suddenly feel an unexpected hatred for it.
“(Y/N),” he says, softly, and you can only look at him. You didn’t expect this. You didn’t expect that he would say your name so gently, with such affection. It wasn’t— It wasn’t supposed to happen like that. You’d told yourself he hated you, that he would make fun of you, that he was such an asshole. This is so much worse, and yet you can’t say you haven’t thought about it. This is so much worse, because if he’s not an asshole, how could he do that to you?
What kind of person would you have to be to deserve to go through that?
“Hi, I’m Hoseok!” Hoseok exclaims next to you, filling the uncomfortable silence. He extends a hand to Minsu and, while doing that, wraps an arm around your shoulders, and you feel a little better.
“Hi,” you say, belatedly, while Minsu shakes Hoseok’s hand and smiles genuinely.
“Minsu,” he tells Hoseok before turning his gaze back to you “This is great,” he comments, pointing at you and Hoseok, and you don’t get it. “The two of you— You look great together. I’m so happy for you.”
You’d like to say that you snapped, that you lost control, that you didn’t know what you were doing, but that would be a lie. Sure, in that moment, you feel burning, seething rage running through your veins. Sure, you consider murder for a hot second. But you’re in control of yourself when you dismiss the idea, just like you’re in control of yourself when your hand makes a circular movement, splashing Minsu’s face with the entirety of your glass of wine and, hopefully, ruining that stupid jacket of his.
Minsu looks at you in disbelief. You look at him in disbelief, as wine drips from his chin.
Then you run. Hoseok’s hand slips from your shoulder, and you’re all too aware of the way people stare at you as you beeline towards the exit. You hear Hyejin, and perhaps Hoseok, call your name as you put your glass back on a table, but you’re out before either of them can get to you, and as much as you love them, you think it’s probably for the best.
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You get home at 7 am, which is late, even for your fucked up sleep patterns. You feel a little better. You spent a good chunk of the night outside, walking, before finding a café that was open. You didn’t want to go home.
When you arrive at your door, and find a sleeping Hoseok leaning against it, you think you may have made a mistake. He looks peaceful, but he’s still sitting on the floor in the cold hallway, in front of your door, and guilt spreads through you. You kneel in front of him, and try to gently shake him awake.
He barely budges. You try again, and he lets out a sleepy groan, head rolling to fall on his shoulder. He looks adorable.
“Hoseok, hey,” you call out gently. “You can’t stay here. We need to get you to bed, okay?”
The only reply you get is another groan. With a sigh, you pull on his arm, trying to lift him up. He’s heavy, way more than you would have thought with his figure, but you guess muscle weighs a lot. You’re about to give up when you feel him straightening a little. Not enough to walk on his own, but enough for you to half carry him. You make it to his door, fish the key out of his pocket while trying not to think about his muscled thigh under your finger or— anything else, then struggle to open it and get the two of you through.
Inside, you bump against his couch, and you swear between your teeth. You’ve always met at your apartment, and you’ve only been in his for a few minutes at a time, so you’re not familiar with the lay-out. You make it to the bedroom, unsteady under Hoseok’s weight, and are delighted to be able to push him down onto the bed.
That delight lasts for less than a second, though, because as he falls, the arm that you’d put around your shoulders to carry him drags you down with him. Your exhausted brain manages a ‘fuck’ before you collapse into Hoseok’s chest. It’s not the most pleasant feeling, feeling rather hard under you, but that doesn’t change anything to the fact that your heart is beating like crazy. Your nose is pressed against his neck, and you breathe in the smell of his after-shave, and you want to stay here.
But, as tempting as the idea is, you can’t do that when Hoseok doesn’t even know you’re here. Gathering all your willpower, you push against his chest to get up.
And then Hoseok rolls over, suddenly covering you with his body while all you can do is squeak.
This is the dumbest thing ever, you think as you vaguely try to push him off, already knowing that this is a lost cause. There’s no way this is happening.
Yet, as the minutes pass by and Hoseok shows no sign of moving again, instead wrapping an arm around your waist with a contended sigh, you have no choice but to accept your fate. You’re trapped, in Hoseok’s bed, underneath him, he’s probably drunk — that would explain why you can’t wake him up — and tomorrow morning is going to be unbelievably awkward.
It should be hard to fall asleep, in those circumstances. In fact, you shouldn’t fall asleep at all, just wait patiently until he lets you go to slip away. But right now, engulfed in Hoseok’s warmth, you can’t manage to stay awake and, as you drift into sleep, you cannot find it in yourself to regret it.
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You wake to the feeling of hands gently moving up and down your back. The second you stir, though, they stop, and the warmth they provided you disappears. Whatever you’re laying on also tenses, hardening under you, and you want to protest. Fortunately for you, even in that state, you realize that mattresses and pillows can’t harden, which helps you piece together that you’re not laying on a mattress, which means you have to be laying on—
Oh God. Your eyes snap open, and you sit up way faster than you probably should have.
“Careful!” Hoseok protests, sitting up as well, reaching out to steady you. He removes his hands quickly once he’s sure you’re not going to fall over, burying them under his blanket.
“You— you’ve been awake a long time?” you ask, voice thick with sleep.
“Um, a little while,” he admits, shifting under your gaze. “I assumed you needed the rest. You must have come home very late.”
There is a hint of reproach in his voice, laced with something else that you cannot identify, and you grimace. You take a second to rub your eyes, but even once that’s done, you find you can’t look at Hoseok.
“I did,” you mumble. “I’m sorry about last night, by the way. It must have been very— very uncomfortable. Especially after I left you with— I’m so sorry.”
Hoseok lets out a soft laugh, but you get the distinct feeling that it’s to make you feel better. You’re getting good at telling what his laughs mean.
“It’s fine. Your, erm, your friends told me about you and Minsu. I didn’t realize you guys were that serious.” Silence. “Eight years, huh?”
You press your hand against your forehead. Talking about you and Minsu’s long relationship always makes you feel weird. The fact that he was in your life, practically everyday, for eight years, and that he disappeared from it without a warning and now he’s gone and everything is practically the same is unbelievably confusing to you. Maybe you should miss him, and you do miss some things about the relationship, like being in love, and sharing an apartment, and having someone to come home to, but you don’t miss him. Not anymore.
You know Hyejin’s worried you moved on too fast, after him. That she thinks you didn’t take time to heal. Truth be told, it hurt for a lot longer than she knows, but it was still relatively short, compared to what you’ve seen her go through after some of her relationships. You don’t know what to say about it. After the break up, you couldn’t find it in yourself to still love him, or to miss him.
“Eight years,” you repeat, shaking your head. “Is that all they said?”
“…Not exactly, no.” Hoseok sounds so different from his usual self, all serious, looking at his hands, anywhere in the room but you. You can’t blame him, though, considering you’re doing the same thing. “They said you were high school sweethearts. That you were basically— perfect for each other.”
You want to scoff at that. It’s true that you got together in high school, and it’s true that people thought you made a nice picture. They were surprised that you would have gotten a boyfriend, usually, but the surprise vanished once they saw Minsu. You two clicked, in so many ways. The two of you worked. You made sense.
But you don’t believe there is such a thing as ‘being perfect for each other’. The two of you always had to try to make the relationship work.
Until one day he stopped trying.
“So I wanted to say— I get it. It must have been hard to hear him say that. You should try to deal with your sadness in other ways but—”
What? What is he talking about?
“—but I know what it’s like to see an ex you still have feelings for with their new partner, and it sucks, though, again, next time you could—”
“That’s not it,” you blurt out, and Hoseok stops in the middle of his rambling to finally look at you.
“What do you mean?” he asks, tone cautious, almost guarded.
You can’t believe what you’re about to tell him. You haven’t told anyone before, not even Hyejin. If she finds out, she’s probably going to kill you for not telling her and for telling someone else, and yet, in that moment, you can’t not talk about it. The thought of Hoseok thinking that you did that out of jealousy, that you still have feelings for Minsu is unbearable to you.
“What did they say about the break-up?” you ask.
Hoseok blinks, then frowns as he tries to remember it. He drank a lot last night, especially after you left. More than he had intended to.
“That no one knew what happened.”
“And Minsu didn’t have anything to say to that?”
“…I think he was cleaning his jacket at that point.”
You hope you stained it and he wasn’t able to get them off.
“We didn’t just— break up. I— We lived together back then. In an apartment. Because— That’s not important. What I mean is that— I walked in on him. And her. In our bed.”
You hadn’t made a noise for a few moments, so you’re not sure how they noticed you, but next thing you knew she was shrieking, covering her chest, and Minsu was walking towards you, awkwardly pulling up his pants.
“He— He told me he was in love with her. And that was it.”
You bite the inside of your cheek. Hoseok isn’t saying anything, and you don’t want to look at him for now.
“That’s why I got angry. It’s not that I was jealous, it’s that— He doesn’t get to say that to me. Not after doing that.”
Hoseok grabs your hand, intertwines his fingers with yours.
“You didn’t tell that to anyone?”
You shake your head.
“Why not?”
You stare in the emptiness for a while. Reliving the story had been unpleasant, even if you don’t feel anything for Minsu anymore, but it’s the answer to that question that brings a choked sob to your lips.
“Because— How can you do that to someone? How can you— how can you do that to someone you’ve been with for eight years? Someone you said you loved?” You feel small and the weight on your chest is painful, unshakeable. “What kind— what kind of person would they have to be for you to feel that it was— that it was okay to do that?”
At that point, the tears are rolling down your cheeks and your sobs make it impossible to talk. Not because of Minsu, but because of the fear that is building in your stomach even now. The fear that you deserved that. You hiccup loudly, and then you’re pressed against Hoseok’s chest and he’s holding you tight, hand gently caressing your hair.
“It’s not your fault,” he tells you softly.
“You don’t know that. M-maybe I’m a terrible person.” You don’t believe that, not when you say it out loud. But… what if?
“(Y/N),” Hoseok says, almost sternly, “you’re not a terrible person. Sure, you listen to Taylor Swift at two am, and you cook at two am, and you take your shower at two am, and— Actually, you could fix all of those issues by going to bed like a normal human being.”
That has the benefit of making you giggle.
“None of that makes you a terrible person,” he continues, satisfied with that small victory. “And I know we haven’t known each other for long, but I have never thought you were anything close to terrible.”
You let a long breath out. It doesn’t quite rid you from your fears — Minsu knew you for over ten years, he had much more time to discover all of your ugly parts — but it still helps.
“You know, I was doing really bad, the night you and Hyejin invited me to join you for a drink.”
“That was mostly Hyejin,” you say with a sniff. You’re not crying anymore, thankfully, but you don’t want to leave Hoseok’s embrace just yet.
“Because you’d rather die than talk to a stranger unless you absolutely have to,” Hoseok laughs, and you think that he’s gotten to know you quite well. “But you were really nice to me that night and I think I needed that.”
He lets go of you carefully, like you made of porcelain and he’s afraid you’re going to break if he’s too brusque. You don’t, obviously, but the world suddenly feels cold, without his arms around you. He grabs a box of tissue from the night-stand and hands them to you.
“Minsu’s an asshole for what he did to you,” he tells you, looking more serious than you’ve ever seen him. “He should never have put you through that.”
“But—” But if he didn’t love me, he was right to leave me. He had the right to fall in love with someone else, even if it was going to hurt me. Sure, he could have done it another way, but is he to blame here?
“Not buts!” Hoseok protests. “Look, I know you must have loved him. I know that it’s not easy to reconcile that image of him with his actions, but you don’t have to look for excuses for him. You don’t even have to forgive him.”
You stare at Hoseok and, without a warning, you feel the absolute need to kiss him. You’ve thought about kissing him before, certainly, but it’s never been such a powerful urge. You can’t think of anything other than his lips against yours, his body pressed against your own, and it takes all your willpower to resist it.
Because, of course, kissing him as you’re talking about your ex would be a terrible idea and send all the wrong signals.
“You understand that, right?” he insists. He leans towards you so that his eyes are on the same level as yours and you think you really shouldn’t be looking in his beautiful brown eyes right now.
“I do,” you reply, glancing away.
“I’m serious. You shouldn’t blame yourself for—”
“I get it, Hoseok. I promise.” Then, still without looking at him: “Thank you.”
He sighs.
“I’m so angry you had to go through that,” he says with a pout. “If I see him again, do you give me permission to break his nose?”
It should worry you that you actually consider the proposition.
“He’s not worth it,” you decide. “But I appreciate the offer.”
“What if I accidentally kick him in the shin?”
“Well, if it’s an accident…”
Hoseok bursts out laughing, and you’re utterly and completely in awe at the sound.
“You can count on me!” he winks, and he doesn’t know how he makes your heart flutter, how in this moment, you realize how utterly head over heels for him you are.
(It’s a pretty nice feeling, actually.)
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Hoseok has another date over. You sleep on your couch again, and you try your best not to think about it.
(You take it back. It sucks.)
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You run into Hoseok after coming back from doing your laundry. He’s in a good mood, and you hate that pang in your chest at the thought that it’s because of the girl he saw the other day. You should be happy for him. That’s the least you can do.
“Hey!” he greets you cheerfully. “Need some help with that?”
“Not really, I—”
But he’s already taken it from your hands. You shake your head with a smile as he gestures for you to get into the elevator before him. God, you like him.
“I can do that, you know,” you tell him at the doors close.
“Sure, but I can do it better.” Hoseok winks at you, then regains some seriousness. “How are you doing?”
From his tone, you know he doesn’t mean ‘in general’. He’s probably worried because of how you cried in his arms the other day, which you find a little embarrassing, but you still like that he asked.
“I’m doing great,” you tell him honestly.
“You sure?”
“Absolutely.” Then you nudge him playfully. “Thanks to you.”
He has a little laugh, sounding unsure what to make of that, but you mean it. Talking about the situation did more good than you would ever have expected, and you’re… you’re just happy you did it with him.
“What about you?”
“Oh, I’m fine!” he says, one second too late, like he’d been lost in his thoughts — except he wasn’t, he was looking at you. “Work, neighbors keeping me up, you know how it is.”
“Ugh, neighbors are the worst,” you grin.
“You’re telling me!”
The doors open with a ding, and the two of you step out, slowly making your way to your door. It’s silly, but you don’t want to leave his presence. You linger at your door for a few more minutes, talking about the weather, of all things. Finally, when all the small-talk you can muster has left your mouth, you hold your hands out to get your basket back.
“I feel like I’m constantly thanking you, these days,” you chuckle. “I wonder how I ever got anything done without you.”
“I think that deserves a kiss!” Hoseok exclaims, and your heart stops, but when you look at him, you see he’s tapping his cheek. He’s probably not serious and not expecting you to do anything.
But you get on your tiptoes and plant a brief kiss right where he was pointing.
“Thanks!” you say quickly, slamming the door behind you as fast as possible so you don’t see his reaction. “Have a nice day!” you yell from behind it.
Hoseok looks at your door. You’re leaning against it on the other side, dying to look through the peephole to see his reaction, and yet not daring to. Because of that, you miss the way he rubs his cheek, the amused smile that follows it, and the way he skips away. You do hear his happy whistle, though, so you decide you can’t have gone completely wrong, and you’re happy with that.
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You hesitantly knock on Hoseok’s door. Things didn’t work out with the girl, and he texted you to come over for one of your usual pity parties, but he didn’t seem as down about it as he usually is. Still, you stopped at a grocery store to pick up some wine while coming back from the publishing house where you work as a proofreader. You usually work from home — hence your ridiculous schedule — but you had needed to drop by to discuss some things. The conversation had been difficult on your end, taking a lot of energy from you, and you were definitely happy about going home and blowing off some steam with your neighbor.
From inside, you can hear Hyejin’s voice, but also several others, and that makes you recoil. Talking with strangers is not something you want to do tonight. But before you can choose to run off, the door opens, and you’re greeted by Hoseok’s beautiful smile, so of course, there is no way for you to leave.
“(Y/N)!” he exclaims happily. “And you’ve brought wine! That’s great, Hyejin was worried we might not have enough. Come on, I have some people I want to introduce you to.”
You don’t even try to escape when he puts an arm around your shoulder — you have to remind yourself that it’s Hoseok and that’s just a thing he does, that it doesn’t necessarily mean anything — and leads you into the apartment.
There, you find Hyejin sitting next to a tall, dark-haired guy you recognize from Hoseok’s dance performance.
The introductions and the smiles they give you almost make your head spin, and once they’re done, you’re relieved to be able to fall on a chair next to the one that’s been the most quiet so far — Yoongi, if your memory isn’t playing tricks on you. That relief only grows when he doesn’t try to talk to you. Instead, you give each other a silent nod, and you both seem very content to let the others do all the talking.
As it turns out, they don’t limit themselves to talking. They clearly all have a lot of energy to spend, and you can merely stare at it, mesmerized. The blonde guy standing by the kitchen sink — Jimin, you remember, forcing yourself to recall their names — starts to demonstrate some dance moves with perfect grace, and it doesn’t take long for Jungkook to abandon his spot next to Hyejin to join him, not as precise, but very enthusiastic. Hoseok jumps in, too, and suddenly there’s a dance crew in his living-room. These three have no business being this good.
“Jin, aren’t you going to join them?” Yoongi yells to a guy who has carefully moved out of the dancers’ way.
“Do you want to fight?” Jin shouts back, and Yoongi chuckles, clearly delighted he got a rise from his friend. “Why don’t you join them?”
Then Taehyung — fluffy brown hair — seemingly comes out of nowhere and tackles Jungkook, Namjoon — tall guy with glasses — who’d been pretty quiet so far gets up and tries to separate them, everyone picks a side and— It’s chaos.
It’s kind of like watching a car crash happen, except you’re having a lot of fun.
“They’re always like that,” Yoongi says next to you. His expression is perfectly stoic but his voice betrays his fondness.
“I guess now I understand where Hoseok gets all that energy from. He just doesn’t have a choice,” you smile, and Yoongi sighs.
For a moment, you don’t speak, happy with simply observing the others’ antics. You’re not sure how or why it happened, but Jin and Jungkook are the ones fighting now, and Hyejin, who’s clearly in her element here, is shouting some encouragements from her seat, which she hasn’t bothered to leave.
“Hoseok’s doing well,” Yoongi comments suddenly.
“I was thinking that, too,” you admit. “Usually, after things go wrong with a girl…”
“Is something happening between the two of you?”
You… had not been expecting that bluntness.
“Um,” you say, taken aback. Yoongi turns to look at you, and the way he glares at you makes you feel compelled to answer. He looked harmless a second ago, but now you’re thinking if looks could kill, you would be seconds away from getting murdered. You’re not sure what you did to deserve that, though. “I don’t think there is.” You tilt your head, thinking. “There definitely isn’t anything official.”
“I think Hoseok likes you,” Yoongi says without batting an eyelid.
You’re pretty sure telling you that breaks some kind of code, but, with the wonderful warmth spreading in your chest, you don’t think about complaining. Not for a second.
“I think I like Hoseok too,” you reply instead. You don’t know why you’re saying that to a near stranger, but when Yoongi nods, you feel that there is a deep understanding going on between the two of you.
“Hurt him and I will kill you,” he says matter-of-factly.
“That’s a little dramatic.”
“Hurt him and I will steal your doormat.”
Yeah, that sounds more reasonable. If you hurt Hoseok, you’ll deserve to get your doormat stolen.
Yoongi doesn’t say anything else on the subject, so you’re happy to drop it. You bring your attention back to the room to discover that Jungkook has wrestled Jin to the ground.
“How…”
“Don’t ask. I stopped trying to understand a long time ago.”
But, despite what he says, when Jin calls him, Yoongi jumps to the rescue. Namjoon takes his place next to you, making polite small talk, and it doesn’t feel as difficult as those things usually are for you. You’d even go as far as to say it’s… pleasant.
When you look up, you meet Hoseok’s worried eyes, and he smiles at you, silently asking if you’re okay. You smile back, and it’s like something melts inside you. It’s because of him, you piece together. You feel comfortable because you trust Hoseok to make you comfortable. And because those are his friends, and he wanted to introduce them to you… You feel safe.
Yoongi’s words replay in your mind. You have a hard time believing them, if you’re honest, but something has bloomed inside you, something you haven’t felt in quite some time, and something you don’t want to get rid of so quickly.
Hope.
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“Will you be okay, Hobi?”
“We could help you clean!”
“I’m sorry about your lamp…”
Hoseok is quick to dismiss his friends’ concerns.
“It’s fine! (Y/N) is staying to help me, so you guys get home safely, okay? Namjoon, we can figure something out for the lamp.”
The tall man grimaces at that, and self-consciously rubs the back of his neck. You haven’t known him long, but something tells you it isn’t the first time something like that happens to him, which might explain why Hoseok is so calm about it. Then again, Hoseok always makes the best of every situation, so you can’t be quite sure.
“Here are your keys!” Jungkook says, handing them to you. He had just half-carried Hyejin to your apartment, where she’s going to spend the night. It’s for the best — she’s too drunk to get home by herself.
“Thanks,” you smile. It’s obvious that him and Hyejin have taken an interest in each other and, well, you think it wouldn’t be that bad if something happened there. He’s nice.
“So you guys are good?” Jimin insists, sounding worried. “You don’t want us to help?”
Hoseok firmly shakes his head.
“You get a good night of sleep!”
Greetings are exchanged, and then the door finally closes behind them, and it’s just you and Hoseok. He lets out a little sigh, then smiles at you.
“They’re a lot, aren’t they?” he asks, proudly.
“They’re great,” you reply, and you mean it. Sure, you feel tired, but you actually had fun tonight, which is not something you can say about most of the parties you go to. “Namjoon knows a lot about books. It was nice talking to him.”
Hoseok hums, moving past you to start cleaning up.
“I’m glad you liked them! They were really looking forward to meeting you. Yoongi said I was talking about you too much and that it made him curious.”
“I think Hoseok likes you.”
“You were only telling them good things about me, of course,” you joke, picking up the dishes that are laying on the table to put them in the sink.
“Well, there’s nothing bad to talk about,” Hoseok replies with the same tone, but there’s an underlying note of honesty to his voice.
“That’s simply not true.”
Hoseok laughs. You wonder if he means it, even a little. There are bad things to say about you, no doubt, but you wonder if he at least thinks the good outweighs the bad.
You’d take that.
You do some more cleaning while talking about his friends, and you end up perched on a worktop next to him while he does the dishes. The rest of the room isn’t spotless, and you doubt that lamp can be fixed, so Hoseok will need to get rid of it, but you think you did a pretty good job, all in all.
Hoseok starts humming to himself, and in that moment, you feel— satisfied. There’s nothing in particular to produce that feeling, and yet it’s exactly it. Cleaning a room at one am with him and being by his side while he does the dishes… You’re happy like that, you realize. It’s a strange thing to think about, and maybe that’s why it gives you the courage to talk.
“Hoseok?”
“Hm?”
When you don’t reply immediately, he looks up at you.
“What is it?” he asks. You take in a deep breath, run your fingers through your hair.
“What would you do if I kissed you?”
His eyes go wide, and his movements stop completely. He just stares at you, and in that moment, you really, really hate yourself for asking.
“That’s— That’s cheating,” he manages to say after what feels like an eternity. “You have to try it to find out about that.”
That’s fair, you decide, and before you can question yourself further, you lean forward, choosing to take that as an invitation. You’re slow in your movements, in case he wants to pull away, but he doesn’t. He stays perfectly still as your lips part, centimeters from his, as you put your hand on his shoulder to stabilize yourself, and he’s still perfectly still when you finally press your lips against his mouth.
He tastes salty, like the snacks you had earlier. You don’t mind it.
The first thing to move is his mouth, pressing back against yours, and it’s the softest kiss you’ve ever experienced.
Soon after that, his hands come out of the water and he quickly removes the gloves he was wearing. The second his right hand cups your cheek, the kiss turns urgent, passionate. His tongue darts into your mouth, and you wrap your arms around him with a pleased sigh, running your fingers on the back of his neck. A shiver runs through him, and next thing you know, he’s positioning himself between your legs, one hand firmly pulling you closer to him.
His body’s warm, toned, everything you’ve wanted for the past few months. He feels so good, and you’re quick to pull him in, hooking one of your legs behind his knee. He buckles, catches himself on the worktop and his lips stretch into a smile against yours. He tilts your head up ever so slightly, kissing you like he’s starving and wants to devour you whole. You respond with the same energy, fisting your hands in his shirt. It’s like you can’t get him close enough.
“How dare you,” Hoseok finally whispers when he pulls away from you, out of breath.
You shake your head, confused and a little dizzy. He’s grinning widely and looking at you like you’re one of the seven wonders, so he’s definitely not mad at you, but you have no idea what he means by that.
“How dare you make the first move?” he says, pressing a kiss against your jaw. “You’re the— the most infuriating person I know.”
You laugh at that, let him kiss his way down to your neck. You trail your foot up his thigh to wrap your leg around him, beckoning him closer.
“Yoongi said he thought you liked me,” you admit to him, with one hand in his hair, softly caressing his scalp.
“Seriously? I feel like I should beat him up— but right now I kinda want to buy him flowers.”
“A cactus.”
“Joke’s on you, Yoongi loves cacti. Hey—” He stops kissing you, straightens, and looks into your eyes. Affection is dancing in his, but you can tell he’s being serious. “I like you. Like, really like you. So, um, if you’re not— if we’re not on the same page here…”
He can’t think that.
“I’d just— I’d just appreciate if you could let me know. Because I don’t think I can have something with you if you don’t— don’t really want it.”
He sounds worried, genuinely so. He’s looking at you, and you know he’s baring his heart out to you in that moment. It almost shatters you, this moment, this honesty, his fear. Somehow, the idea that you could hurt him, without meaning to, is the most terrifying of them all. Your mind flickers to Minsu, and you wonder how he could hurt you like that, if he felt that way about you even for a second — but you don’t care. All that matters is that you know you would never hurt Hoseok like that.
You kiss him and he closes his eyes, hand tightening on your waist.
“I really like you,” you whisper. “Really like how you smile,” He smiles softly against your mouth. “really like how you laugh,” You start unbuttoning his shirt. “really like it when I see you in the hallway and you always take the time to ask me how my day has been,” You run your fingers over his chest, enjoying the feeling of his skin underneath yours, “really like the way you shine.”
“I shine?” he asks, stopping your hand to bring it to his lips, placing soft kisses on your fingertips.
You hum.
“More than anyone else.”
He opens his mouth like he’s going to say something, but decides against it. He can’t find the words to respond. Instead, he kisses you.
“Bedroom?” he asks. As much as he would love to have you, right here, it’s not the most comfortable setting for the first time, and he wants to give you an opportunity to back out, if you don’t want that now.
But you very much do.
“That sounds perfect.”
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It’s a small miracle that you make it to the bedroom when you can’t keep your hands or mouths off each other. On the way there, which is extremely short when you actually look where you’re going, you manage to bump into the table, several walls, and to kick down a plant.
“We’ll blame it on Namjoon,” Hoseok mumbles into your mouth, and you laugh. You’ve been doing a lot of that, ever since meeting him.
He pulls away from you to take off his shirt, and you’re quick to get rid of your pants, discarding them on the floor. You’re about to do the same thing with the top you’re wearing when Hoseok’s hands stop you.
“May I?”
Of course he can. He pulls it over your head, and kiss you when you emerge from it. First, his hands settle on your naked shoulders, then, slowly, he trails them down your arms, intertwining your fingers with his. He’s taking his time, savoring the moment, and you yourself get lost in the sensations, in how he’s towering over you, in how his hair brush against your temples, in the heat that radiates from him.
You inch closer to him, and he lets out a soft moan when you press yourself against him. You reach behind to get rid of your bra, and when it falls to the ground, your finally feel his skin against yours.
“Fuck,” Hoseok whispers in a low voice.
You pull him towards you as you climb onto the bed, and he follows, just like he follows when you lay down. Everything, his kisses, his touches, his body on top of yours— it all feels slow. Intimate. His long fingers run over your side, and you shiver. You want so much more than this, and yet it already feels overwhelming.
“Are you sure?” Hoseok asks you.
You look up at him. He’s kneeling between your legs, still wearing his black pants, draped over you. His pupils are wide, his body is so hot it could be on fire, and you can definitely feel his hardness pressed against you. He’s perfect.
“I’m sure,” you say, and when you kiss him again, his response isn’t slow anymore. Instead, he rolls his hips into you, and the friction forces a low moan out of you. That makes him smile.
One of his hands runs over your thigh as he gently spreads you open.
“I want you so bad,” he tells you in an urgent whispers.
“Then what are you waiting for?”
“You’re impossible.”
But he listens, and after that, you don’t know what to focus on. His lips and his tongue, making their way down your neck, kissing your breasts, teasing your nipples, or his hands, as his thumb rubs against your clit and he slides a long finger inside you.
Your fingers dig into his hair and you bite on your lower lip harshly. You’re not usually loud in bed, but you know that moans and whimpers and pleas will come cascading out if you don’t stop them. You wouldn’t normally have a problem with that, but Hyejin is sleeping in your apartment, and you would appreciate it if she didn’t hear you.
Hoseok easily pushes another finger inside you, scissoring you open, and your entire body arches into him. You close your eyes, quietly calling out his name.
“You’re doing so good,” Hoseok whispers to you, voice so full of affection you feel that your heart is going to burst. “You look so, so beautiful for me.”
You’re so wet, so tight around his hand, and you want him so badly, want more than that, but there is no way you can stop him right now. You feel at his mercy and, fortunately for you, he’s the kindest tormentor there is.
“Fuck,” he says one more time, eyes roaming over your body, the way you’ve completely abandoned yourself in his arms, head thrown back, eyes closed. He wants to give you everything.
He increases his pace and wet sounds fill the room. You can’t think of anything other than him, and your mind is filled with Hoseok, Hoseok, Hoseok!
You come when he adds in a third finger. You tighten around him, letting out a high-pitched moan over which you have absolutely no control. Hoseok lets you ride your orgasm before removing his hand, still whispering praise in your ear.
It takes you a few moments to come down from your high, and when you do, you’re only too aware that he hasn’t gotten much from this at all, still painfully hard against your hip. You reach out to cup him through his jeans, and he groans, burying his head in your neck.
“You don’t have to,” he says, despite bucking against your hand. “I’m fine with—”
“Hoseok, trust me, I want this as much as you do.”
You kiss him, fumbling around to unbutton his jeans, and he joins you in pushing his pants down. He moans, louder than you did earlier, when you wrap your hand around him. You stroke him at a devilishly slow pace. His body is tense as a bow, his kiss turning sloppy when you tighten your grip ever so slightly. You love it, love the way he moans for you, love how vocal he is, love how his hips jerk to meet your movements even though you’re pretty sure he’s trying to keep still.
“If you keep that going, I’m going to—” Hoseok starts, small gasps breaking off his sentence, and you regretfully take your hand off him.
He’s thankful for it, because he desperately wants to have you, but he still can’t help the moan of disappointment that escape his lips. Someone else might feel embarrassed at how it makes you giggle, and maybe he would, but he sees adoration in your eyes when you look at him, when you lift a hand to stroke his cheek, and he simply doesn’t. He can’t when everything about you screams how much you care for him.
You slide your drenched panties down your legs and wait not so patiently as Hoseok reaches in the nightstand for a condom, then struggles to open the wrapper. Your foot rubs against his calf as he struggles to open it up, working as a painful reminder that you’re there, so close, so wet, so ready…
“Not helping,” he mumbles, fucking finally opening it. You join in to roll it on, your hand feeling so damn good around him, and when you lay on your back, there’s impatience in your eyes. He kind of wants to tease you about it, make the moment last, but he doesn’t have the strength to do that right now.
Instead, he lines his cock with your entrance and slowly pushes himself inside you. Your moan sounds loud, even with you trying to muffle it, and he replies with a groan. You push yourself on an elbow, shifting to find a more comfortable position, and you end up sitting on his thighs, straddling him. One of his hands comes rest on the small of your back, stabilizing you, while he puts the other one behind him to support his weight.
It’s overwhelming already, you around him, your breasts pressed against him, the kisses you’re peppering against his mouth.
And then you start moving. At first, you roll your hips experimentally, making sure you’ve adjusted to his cock inside you. When Hoseok throws his head back, though, you start bobbing up and down. It’s not a movement you could do for too long, but you don’t think you’re going to need long.
You wrap your arms tightly against him as you find just the right angle. You barely know what you’re doing, hips moving almost uncontrollably so he keeps hitting that sweet, sweet spot. Your thighs’ muscles start burning, but Hoseok’s moans, the desperate way he repeats your name like a mantra, keep you going.
“(Y/N), I’m— I’m gonna—”
You reach down to touch yourself, fingers rolling over your clit so you get just what you need to get over the edge.
Hoseok comes seconds before you do, with a loud moan. His fingers dig into your hip, and it’s probably going to leave a mark, but you’re doing the same thing with his shoulders. You chase your second orgasm of the night frantically and find it as he’s starting to soften inside you.
You collapse on top of him, both your bodies sweaty and exhausted but so, so deeply content.
It takes a while before either of you speaks again.
“Shower?” Hoseok asks, sleepily, and you nod. You feel good. You feel good against him, and you feel good when the two of you stumble towards the bathroom. You feel good when your body is pressed against him inside, all tensions gone, and you feel good when you rest your head on his chest in bed, drowsing into sleep next to him.
That’s all him, you realize. That’s all Hoseok.
And you’re more than happy with that conclusion.
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As you’re getting ready for the marriage of two of your high school friends, you idly wonder how it’s going to be, to see Minsu there again, and then it hits you. You haven’t thought about him in a long, long time.
It’s not like he was always on your mind, after the break-up, but it did feel like you took a piece of him everywhere you went, a pain that never quite disappeared, a constant thorn in your side. You had tried your best, fully aware that it wasn’t doing you any good, but it was hard, after eight years, to get used to a world without him again. You wonder when you became okay with it again.
There’s a knock at your door, and you find Hoseok waiting for you when you open the door. He looks amazing. Perfect. Like all you ever wanted. You've been together for months now, and yet you can't seem to get used to it. You don't know if you really want to, either. You like being dazzled every time you see him. He flashes you a smile and leans in to give you a quick peck on the lips.
“You remember that you have a key, right?”
“Oh, I do remember, I just like knocking here. Brings back some memories I like.”
You roll your eyes, but you’re grinning.
“You look beautiful,” he tells you, eyeing your dress, and you humor him with a little twirl.
“Hyejin helped me pick it.”
Hyejin is probably the reason you’re invited to the wedding, actually. She had never cared about your outburst against Minsu, but some of your friends definitely hadn’t appreciated it, and you understood why they wouldn’t want that kind of crazy to their wedding. However, after you’d told her about how the break-up went down, she had pleaded for you, and gotten you off the persona non grata list.
She would probably have murdered you for not telling her sooner, but you used that same conversation to tell her about you and Hoseok, and that had overshadowed the first half of that discussion entirely.
Yes, you’re aware, that was a little manipulative, but it was that or being killed by your best friend, so you have no regrets.
“Hyejin has great tastes.”
“Don’t tell that to Jungkook, or we’ll never hear the end of it.”
Hoseok bursts out laughing, something akin to pride shining in his eyes. He loves that his friends are your friends now, loves that his favorite people all enjoy each other’s company.
He extends his hand to you, smiles when you take it. He initiates physical contact more often than not, but you never decline it.
“All good to go?”
You nod. You don’t tell him that honestly, he’s all you need to face the rest of the world.
It doesn’t make it any less true.
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You don’t like weddings. You know, shocker, considering how sociable of a person you are, but seriously, the more weddings you go to, the less you enjoy them. It’s not that you don’t love your friends and don’t want to see them happy, because you do, and they’re the only reason you put yourself through that. You guess you’re put off by how many people there are, and how big it all is. Hyejin’s a bridesmaid here, so you heard a lot about the planning, and it sounds like something straight out of your worst nightmares. It’s simply not for you.
Hoseok puts his hand on the small of your back, palm open, and it immediately ground you, calms the anxiety that had been bubbling inside you. Your anxiety is such an old companion when you’re in a public setting that it’s almost weird to feel it disappear. It’s not like Hoseok is a magical way of making it go away, it doesn’t always work, but it definitely helps. Just another one of the many perks of being with him.
“Everything okay?” he asks gently, and your heart explodes with the love you feel for him.
Without thinking, you push yourself up to kiss him. It’s a chaste kiss, appropriate for the situation, but Hoseok closes his eyes, loses himself in it. When he opens them, he looks a little surprised, like he always does when you’re the one to initiate a kiss.
“Everything’s fine,” you say.
His eyes glide to stare at something behind you, and you turn around before he can stop you.
There, of course, are Minsu and his girlfriend. It looks like it’s working well between the two of them.
You can’t say this doesn’t make you feel anything. That would be a lie. You don’t think you can forgive Minsu, don’t think you want to, and you certainly don’t want to be his friend, or even to talk to him, but you’re not angry anymore. If he did come over, you’d probably handle it better than you did last time. Hyejin might not, though, and judging by the way Hoseok tenses next to you, he might not either.
But instead of walking over and throwing a glass of wine at Minsu’s stupid face, Hoseok wraps an arm around you and you put your head on his shoulder.
You definitely like that better.
“They—” He clears his throat. “Your friends told me they thought he was the love of your life.” You snort at that. “That you guys had so much in common, and that they didn’t know how you’d ever find someone you were as compatible with.”
It’s so strange to you that Hoseok is the one who has insecurities about your relationship. As if he let you any choice but to be completely and utterly taken in by him.
You put his hand over his, which is spread over your stomach.
“They were wrong. He’s happy without me,” you tell him quietly. “and I’m definitely happy without him.”
At some point, maybe Minsu was the love of your life. When you were sixteen and you thought you would never love anyone else, or when you were twenty and moving in together, or even when you were twenty-four, the day before he shattered your heart.
But he isn’t anymore, and you can’t even imagine what your life would be if you had stayed with him, can’t imagine what your future would have been like. Can’t imagine your life without Hoseok.
“I love you, Hoseok,” you say, and he takes in a deep breath. “I don’t care how compatible I was with him— clearly, it didn’t change anything in the end. You’re the only one I want.”
“We’re not very compatible,” he comments.
“That’s true.”
“Your schedule is the absolute worst.”
“I think it’s fine.”
“You like horror movies.”
“Horror movies are great, but I promise I won’t make you watch them.”
“You refuse to ask the landlord to break down a wall between our apartments.”
“That is objectively a terrible idea.”
“Then we should find a place where we can live together.”
That quiets you for a few seconds as you think about it, before turning towards him. Hoseok has a cautious look on his face, but hope is shining in his eyes. No matter how scared he is, he is always willing to try. That’s only one of the many things you love about him, but that’s exactly what gets you right now.
“We should,” you say.
Minsu disappears from your mind, goes back to the oblivion where he belongs, and you only focus on the present, on the man you have in front of you.
“I love you,” he says before kissing you, and in that moment, everything feels perfect.
As long as Hoseok is by your side, you know you can take on anything.
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newtonsheffield · 3 years
Note
Hi! Hope you’re having a nice weekend. I was curious if you would ever consider exploring a “What if” AU for Royals where Anthony does call Kate after that first night? I know it probably wouldn’t be as dramatic, but there was a line in there about how Anthony knows if he hadn’t done what he had done, then everyone probably would have thought he was perfect for Kate, and it made me wonder what that would have been like for them.
Hello!
I am having a good weekend! It's a four day weekend leading into a two day work week courtesy of this trash team building day so you know!
Anyway! I think that had it not been for the coup of it all, The palace would have been glad of the idea of Anthony as Kate's companion. He's young, and handsome, and a viscount, she could definitely do worse. So let's take a little look at how this would have gne.
“Did you have a run in with some sort of animal last night, Kate?”
And in her sleep deprived state Kate hadn’t seemed to think the better of sharing this with her seventeen year old sister, “Something like that.”
Edwina had made a disgusted sound in the back of her throat, “Sophie’s on her way in, and you might want to dig out some high necklines to cover that mess.”
Sophie’s eyes had flickered over her appearance in that non judgmental way she had tutting a little and saying “I’ll send the make up girls in. I hope it was at least good.”
And something deep within her had burned when she saw the little patchwork quilt of bruises and nips he’d left along her collarbone, her neck, possessively done almost, a smirk coming to her face when she thought that at least she wouldn’t have to have the stylists cover the marks his stubble had left between her thighs.
“Oh it was good enough.”
“You’re foul.” Edwina had said primly, though her lips were ticking upwards in a smirk. “Will we be seeing this, I hesitate to use the word gentleman, again?”
Kate’s heart had done an odd little flutter as she thought about the note she’d left him, forcing herself to shrug. “I don’t know.”
She sat in the make up chair while her team chatted around her, working quickly before she had to meet Mary. Kate's mind kept slipping back to last night, the way Anthony had grinned down at her in his kitchen as he'd searched for something for them to eat, his hips between hers as he hoisted her onto his kitchen counter his voice hot in her ear Oh look, I've found something for me to eat.
It had been nice despite how filthy parts of it had been, and not just to escape, but to feel some kind of connection.
"Kate, your phone is ringing." Sophie said a little exasperatedly, not looking up from her own phone as she typed furiously.
Kate stared down at it, the unknown number making her heart beat quickly Surely it couldn't be him. She'd only left him a few hours ago... Surely it wasn't him, her hand hesitated over it.
"Oh for God's sake." Edwina snatched the phone from her lap from her chair beside Kate's. And before Kate could stop her she'd answered it. "Hi, Kate's phone?"
Edwina's eyebrows shot up, ignoring Kate's insistently holding out her hand. "Anthony?"
Kate's heart stopped, her mouth falling open, "Eddie give me the phone."
"Anthony, Kate's just in make up right now, Can I-?"
"Give me the phone!"
"Oh! She's done apparently! Well Done Anthony, you got her out of her chair." Edwina was grinning manically now as Kate snatched the phone from her, sweeping from the room her make up barely done, her heart pounding.
"Um Hi? Anthony?"
Silence stretched over the other end of the phone for half a second before a deep voice rumbled through it "Now, I don't know about wanting to escape again, but do you want to get dinner tonight?"
Kate felt her mouth fall open, the answer on her lips immediately, but there was just a tiny problem, last night she'd been Kate, and this morning she had responsibilities and appearances and a make up team and Christ.
"It's kind of... complicated for me." Kate said awkwardly, casting around the hallway, blanching a little as she saw Mary striding this way.
A laugh echoed through the phone "Oh you mean because you're the Princess?"
Kate's stomach sunk, So he had known, she knew he had to have but to hear him say it was different. "Yeah, that complicates my life a lot actually."
Anthony hummed, "I wasn't really honest about myself last night either, but come to dinner with me, and I'll explain. This is going to sound a little insane but... Kate, I'm really glad we met last night and it's been a long time since I met someone that I felt like this with so I'm not really ready to let that go yet."
She could feel her heart pounding, He hadn't been honest about himself? What did that mean? Was he some sort of criminal? No, that didn't seem right, he'd seemed a lot like her, looking for something you shouldn't have been able to find in a dive bar. But it had felt like she'd found it anyway.
And she knew she really shouldn't but she couldn't help herself "Um... yeah okay. But just as a warning... I have to bring a guard with me this time, last night was... unusual for me."
"As long as you're there I don't care." She almost thought he might mean it.
"Can I at least know your last name before tonight?" She should at least know that much if she was going to sell this.
"Well, That seems fair. I'm Anthony Bridgerton."
_______
"Um... Mary?"
Mary looked up at her curiously at the end of their meeting with the Spanish Ambassador. "What's wrong?"
Kate blanched, "Um... nothing's wrong."
Mary raised her eyebrow, "Am I about to find out where you spent last night? Or with whom it was spent?"
"How do you-?"
"Darling, Sophie's a very good liar, but did you really think if I knew you were unwell I wouldn't have checked on you." Kate opened her mouth to give some excuse, to tell her that she hadn't spent the night being bent every which way, but Mary cut her off. "You're an adult, Kate. You can sleep with whoever you like. Do you need the morning after-?"
"Mary!" Kate hissed, looking around at Steve, politely looking in the other direction, obviously wishing he was anywhere but there. "We used protec- I'm not talking about this with you!"
Mary looked fairly unruffled, "Well Why did you bring it up then?"
"I didn't bring that up! I'm going out with him, tonight."
Mary frowned. "And his name is?"
Kate sighed, "Anthony Bridgerton."
Mary's mouth dropped open, "Viscount Anthony Bridgerton?"
Both of them stared at each other, surprised, Steve cleared his throat.
"I am not confirming that the address you were collected from this morning-" Kate avoided Mary's slightly impressed look "is the official residence of Viscount Bridgerton."
Well... Fuck.
__________
Kate could see him, through the window of the restaurant, no other patrons around, even more handsome than he had been last night. He was dressed a little more formally tonight, so was she she supposed, the dark grey plaid of his suit perfectly tailored, the purple of his waistcoat bright against it, the similar to her dress she realised with a small smile.
"We don't have to go in." Steve hummed quietly at her hesitation.
Kate smiled, "I think I will, You could take him right?"
He scoffed, "Please."
Kate swung the door open, watching as Anthony fumbled to his feet, his hand in his hair, adjusting his glasses.
"Kate, sorry... Your Royal Highness?" He seemed nervous here, so different than he'd been last night. Kate rolled her eyes, leaning in to kiss his cheek, a little thrilled at the way his breath caught.
"Kate's fine. Your royal Highness is a little formal for a date. I usually save it for the bedroom." Anthony choked as he pulled out her chair, sliding it in for her to sit.
She watched as he slid back around the table taking his own seat, "And you? Do you prefer Anthony or Lord Bridgerton?"
His eyes widened a little, "So you figured out my secret."
"I don't think it's much of a secret if my mother knows your mother."
His handsome smirk was back, "Did you tell your mum about me?"
Her lips twitched, "Did you tell your mum about me?"
He stared back at her, his eyes dancing in the low light. "I'd like to tell everyone about you, but for now I think I'll keep you to myself."
"There might not be anything to tell, if you don't feed me this time."
"Well, we wouldn't want that now would we?"
Kate groaned when she woke up the next morning, cushioned against Anthony's chest, his hands tangling in her hair, to three missed calls from sophie and a text that said Am I stopping this or not?
A picture of her and Anthony at Dinner, him whispering in her ear, his hand on her thigh, the headline Princess Kate on Steamy Date With Dishy Viscount
Kate hummed showing the article to Anthony a little embarrassedly, "Um... my team wants to know if this is something they should keep quiet for now. Like if this isn't going anywhere, or you don't want this to be-?"
Anthony cut her ff with a kiss, his tongue tangling with hers, his eyes soft. "I think that you should let it come out because... I don't really want to hide this, but if you'd rather not-"
Kate turned back to her phone typing out Let it go, and maybe start preparing to introduce the country to my new boyfriend.
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nightwishesworld · 3 years
Text
Babysitting (Part 1)
You and Alcina are roped into taking care of your friend's daughter for a few days. Alcina is...less than excited about it. I mean, come on, a baby in Castle Dimitrescu? What could possibly go wrong?!
***********************
The warmth of the afternoon sun crept its way into the windows of Castle Dimitrescu. Both you and Alcina decided it was a beautiful day to take your afternoon tea in the gardens instead of the library . Blooms grew in newly fragranced air, the sweet petals that fluttered reflected by the honeyed-sweetness within. The garden birds always warm your heart. They bring so much joy just from watching them play and dance around the hedges. There are so many of them out today, large and small, brown, red-capped, and golden stripped. You love listening to their chirping, each singing its own beautiful song.
Alcina held your hand over the table as she sipped her special blend of tea.
“Oh, Darling, did I tell you Cristofor and Lucia are going out of town? He says it’s for business but honestly, I think they just want to have a break from the baby. I mean, I don’t blame them, it’s their first kid and you know how hectic everything’s been for them lately."
Alcina nods. “Yes, well, it didn’t help that they were a little unprepared for baby Julianna. That’s her name, right? I remember we offered to buy a few things for them before she was born.”
“Yeah, that’s it, but I just call her Jewel. My precious little gem. I guess they’re gonna be gone for the extended weekend and need someone to watch her.”
Alcina scoffs. “I pity those they choose.”
“Oh stop it, Alcina, it won’t be that bad.”
She stops what she’s doing, nearly choking on her tea, and just stares at you. “You didn’t. You did not! Please for the love of Mother Miranda tell me you didn’t say we would take care of her!”
Your silence was all the answer she needed.
“Why would you do that? Castle Dimitrescu is no place for a baby!”
“Tell that to Cris! I tried telling him that and all he did was assure me that everything would be fine. They feel Jewel would be safest in our care; they were practically begging, Al. What was I supposed to say?”
“No?” You roll your eyes at her. “What about their family? Are they really not available?”
“Lucia said she would feel guilty asking her folks to do any more for them. They usually watch her every day Cris and Lucia are at work. Imagine that plus three straight days; I would want a break too.”
Alcina stayed silent.
“They’re gonna stop by in a few days with some stuff, like diapers and toys and things.”
Alcina huffed and crossed her arms over her chest. “I’m so glad you discussed the details so thoroughly with them.”
“I figured you would say no. Look, I’m sorry I went behind your back but they really need a babysitter and they don’t trust anyone as they do us. Besides, I’m Jule’s unofficial aunt, I don’t think I can say no to something like this. I know you don’t like kids, but-”
“What are you talking about? I love seeing little Julianna.”
“You do? Cause every time they come to visit you seem kind of...distant”
“I don’t...I don’t like holding her. She’s too tiny and fragile for someone like me to be holding.”
“Someone like you?” Then it dawned on you. “Oh, Alci. You don’t actually believe that, do you? You’re always so gentle with her.”
“Because if I’m not delicate I’ll crush her.” Alcina’s face held sorrow to it, not evident to most individuals.
“You wouldn’t crush her, Alci. I know you better than that. You literally came running into my study the other day because I screamed ‘spider,’ and then carried me out because I lost sight of it. You’re a lot more gentle than you’re giving yourself credit.You're a good, thoughtful, and gentle person Alci. Anyone who can’t see that is purely idiotic,” I muttered under my breath.
“I suppose it’s not the worst thing in the world, having a baby running around the castle. And we have time to babyproof everything.”
“That shouldn’t be too hard, love, she’s only seven months old. She’s only just starting to learn how to crawl.”
You were talking but Alcina wasn’t listening. She was too busy making a mental checklist of everything that needed to be done before baby Julianna arrived. “Hmm? Oh yes, of course, darling. Do you know where they got those baby gates? We’re going to need quite a few of them.”
“Alci, I don’t think we’ll need-” She’s already walked away. “ Hey, at least you’re embracing it?”
True to his word, Cris arrived at the castle three days later with a carriage full of supplies. You wanted to welcome them with Alcina, but the matriarch was nowhere to be found. The past few days for her have been spent deep cleaning the walls and floors, which really sucked, especially for Bela, Cassi, and Dani. They stuck doing the hard labor as Alcina bossed them around.
You greeted him with a tight hug. “Thank god you’re here. Alcina’s going crazy trying to babyproof everything. I don’t think the castle’s ever been this protected. Or this clean,” I muttered the last part under my breath.
Cris put a hand over his heart. “Oh, she doesn’t have to do that! Julianna can barely crawl five feet. Besides, I know for certain this place is much neater than our house, even on a bad day. She would have been perfectly fine.”
“I tried to tell her to not worry so much, but it just goes in one ear and out the other. Perhaps if she hears it from you she’ll finally listen,” I rolled my eyes playfully.
Cris nods. “And you wonder why I think Julianna’s so safe up here. I’ll be sure to mention it to Alcina. Do you wanna unload this stuff now or wait for her?”
You glance behind him to the carriage. There were a few large bags filled with miscellaneous items as well as a few larger things on the back seat not bagged at all like the playpen. “I don’t even know where she is, Cris. And I’d offer to have the girls help, but they’re hiding from Alci. Let’s just get started. We can put it in the lounge in the foyer until Alcina comes around.”
“Sounds like a plan. Some of this stuff I’ll bring more of when we drop her off, like diapers, you’ll never have enough diapers,” he says as he tosses you a bag.
“So you’ve said. Didn’t you have a nightmare about it once?”
“Before Lucia even went into labor. We ran out and every shop in a 50-mile radius was sold out. To date, it’s one of my worst nightmares.”
You laughed. “So where are you guys going? I mean, really going. You don’t actually think I believe that crap about a Mortician Expo, do you?”
Cris gave you a look of skepticism and stayed silent as if he were planning his next move.
“Relax man, I don’t actually care. Taking care of a baby is more work than I can imagine. I would want a break too!” The statement seemed to ease him.
“Nowhere special. We made reservations at a nice hotel a few hours south of here; it’s got a pool, hot tub, couples massages, the works!”
You nod, tossing the last of the bags by the lounge. “Nice! You guys deserve it, like I said, I can’t imagine how much work taking care of Julianna is.”
“You won’t have to in a few days,” he laughed.
“I’m excited now, but something tells me I won’t be in a few days. Just sleep deprived!”
“Nah you’ll love it. It’s just, well only slightly tiring! That’s all. Should we go looking for Alcina? I wanna go over Julianna’s schedule with both of you.”
“She knew you were coming so she should be here any minute now. I’m sure she just lost track of time bossing the girls around. The entire west wing has been baby-proofed and when I mean the entire wing, I mean the entire wing. She had Daniela take down all of the ornate weapons and armor from the walls while Bela and Cassi scrubbed everything. And that was just this morning.”
“I’ll be sure to thank them then,” Cris chuckled lightheartedly.
As if on cue, you can just make out the sound of high heels rushing down the corridor, only to stop abruptly just around the corner. Knowing Alcina she was probably adjusting herself to look like her usual well-presented way. Sure as rain, Alcina approached looking as elegant as ever. “Oh Cristofor, please forgive me. It’s been total chaos around here- I completely lost track of time and-”
Cris waved it off and took her hand in his, bringing it up so he could kiss her wedding ring. “Think nothing of it, Alcina. I heard you’ve been keeping yourself busy.”
The matriarch sent you a glare that you shrug off with a smug smile.
“You don’t need to worry about anything, Alcina. I know my little girl will be in the best care possible up here. There’s no one Lucia and I trust more.”
“That is one very generous statement, Cristofor, but a castle is still no place for a baby, especially this one.”
“That may hold some truth, but most of all that...messy business stays in the basement, right?”
“All of it does,” you answer for Alcina. “Even I’m not allowed down there and we’ve been married for three and a half years!”
“And for good reason,” Alcina says. “You know what goes on down there. Why would I put my wife’s life in danger?”
You were about to retaliate but Cris wrapped his arms around the both of you. “Let’s just get this stuff upstairs, huh? Far the fuck away from the basement and whatever goes on down there.”
Alcina opens her mouth but Cris shakes his head profusely. “Nope, don’t want to know. Let’s just get to the bedroom. Wow, the walls do look bare.”
“Indeed,” Alcina nodded. “It’s a good thing little Julianna is staying, I should have had the walls deep cleaned nearly decades ago,” she let out an elegant laugh.
“I hope you didn’t do all this just for us.” Cris looked in awe as the various portraits and ornate weapons decorating the walls became more scarce as they neared the master bedroom. It made this part of the castle feel abandoned. The chemical smell of cleaning solvents was strong, but it would surely be gone in time for Julianna’s arrival.
“Of course I did. You are family and you deserve nothing but the best possible care.”
Cristofor shakes his head. "You're a good woman, Alcina. I genuinely hope you know that."
She gives him a warm smile while holding the bedroom door open for him. "I try to be."
"So," he sets down his two large boxes of supplies to rub his back. "Where do you want this stuff?"
"At the foot of the bed for now," you shrug. "Alcina and I will organize everything once it's all here."
He nodded and kicked it lazily to the end of the bed and took a seat on the mattress. "If we wanna be lazy we could shove the rest of the boxes in the playpen and carry it all up in one trip."
"We can do that," you smiled. "Then we can start organizing everything."
"And while we're doing that I'd like to walk you through Julianna's schedule. Lucia made you a copy with a couple of notes on how to do specific things...it's all well let’s just say pretty detailed," he laughed.
A look of fear crossed over the matriarch's face for a moment. "Why don't I go grab it? Then you two can start unpacking. If I run into the girls I'll send them up as well."
"Oh leave the girls alone," you shake your head at the matriarch. "They're already hiding from you."
Alcina lets out an exasperated laugh. "Can you believe that, Cristofor? My own daughters are hiding from me!" Alcina exclaimed with a look of sheer amusement on her face.
"Nothing I'm looking forward to." You started unpacking the many boxes of  diapers and arranging them neatly on the already emptied shelves while Cris made himself comfortable sitting on the floor, unpacking blankets and clothes. He unfolded and refolded them in a perfect square and placed them on top of the hope chest. You smiled at each plush blanket bearing a different pattern and color.
"Where can I put her clothes?"
"Um, just on the bed for now. I don't know if Alcina emptied out a drawer yet. It would be that middle one if you wanna check."
You hear almost all the joints in his legs crack as he stands and makes his way over to the dresser. He grips the knobs but pauses before opening them. "I'm not gonna find anything dirty in here, am I?"
"Not in there, no."
He turns back to you with an arched brow and hung jaw. You only laugh at him.
"Is it cleared out?"
He nods, neatly organizing the various onesies and pajama sets.
He busied himself displaying various lotions and powders on the coffee table, which would act as your changing station.
“What can I do?” Alcina asked, staring down anxiously at the various bottles.
Cris thought for a moment before taking two smaller boxes out of the playpen and pushing them towards the vampire. “These are for bath time." He quickly scanned over the contents to make sure he was correct. "This box is shampoos, soaps, and toys. Julianna loves bath time; the more toys and games the better." Alcina smiled. “And this box is her special duck towel, washcloth- also a duck pattern she loves ducks, two non-slip bath mats for both inside and outside the tub, and a sponge.”
She looked a tad overwhelmed again taking in all the items but took the boxes nonetheless. “Good thing I cleared out cupboard space, right darling?”
You wanted to laugh but restrained yourself to biting the inside of your cheek instead. “Yes, dear.”
"Well, that's everything. Oh, and don't worry about a crib. Lucia and I are bringing it when we drop Julianna off."
Alcina shook her head and simply waved him off. "Oh don't bother, Cristofor. We have one she's more than welcome to use."
You gave her a confused look. "Um, no we don't."
"Yes, we do. I just have to grab it out of storage. If you'd like to wait and see if it's up to your standards you're more than welcome to." It wasn't so much of an invitation as it was a plea.
Cris laughed. "Alcina, I told you anything you have is probably way better than ours. I'm sure it's fine."
"It would make me feel a lot better," Alcina said with a hint of desperation in her voice.
"Alright, whatever it takes to make you feel better about this."
Alcina sighed in relief and rushed down the hall.
"She really is worked up about this isn't she?"
You let yourself collapse back onto the bed. "You have no idea. She's been fretting over everything since I told her three whole days ago!"
"I kinda figured she would be the calm one between the two of you since, you know, she's got three kids already."
You feigned a look of hurt. "Ok first of all, ouch my pride! Secondly, all three of the girls were turned when they were adults. Which is why I wanna know where this supposed crib came from."
He turned back to you. "And you know what you're doing?"
"Of course not, but one of us has to be calm about it."
Cris laughed, letting himself lounge back on his elbows. Any further down and he was afraid he would fall asleep. "I guess that's true. You're gonna be great though, both of you. Just the fact that you're worrying about all this stuff tells me you're really dedicated to keeping Julianna safe and happy here."
"Thanks, man. I think I really needed to hear that. Got any advice to help us prepare?"
He slaps a hand on your thigh and gives it a friendly squeeze. "Have as much sex as you can before she's here. Because once she is, you'll be way too tired to even think about it."
You sit up and look at him incredulously, which earns him a hearty laugh. "I asked you for advice on how to keep your baby alive and you tell me to bone my wife?"
"All I'm saying is Lucia and I haven't been able to do it since before Julianna was born," Cris whispered in all seriousness.
Alcina returned carrying what you can only assume is the crib covered with a sheet. Bela stepped in first to hold the door open for her.
"Thank you, darling. I found my one good daughter to help me. Not the rascals this time!"
Cris laughs. "I see that."
The blonde nodded and joined you both on the bed. "Hello, y/n. Hello, Uncle Cris."
"Good to see you, Bela."
“Alright,” you hop off the bed. “Let’s see this crib that we apparently have just laying around.”
Alcina rolls her eyes and yanks the dusty sheet away, revealing the most beautiful baby crib you have ever seen. Polished solid dark oak frame with solid gold detailing wrapping around the bars like vines. The Dimitrescu House Crest is shining proudly on both sides.
A smug grin plastered itself on Alcina’s face knowing she single-handedly put an end to your snarky remarks.
“Holy shit,” you finally say. “And you had this in storage…just because?”
The question made her uncomfortable, you could tell. A shadow cast over Alcina’s face. “I had it made a while back and forgot about it until now. I’m glad it stayed in such pristine shape. Any polishes used on it were water-based and non-toxic. Perfect for a baby to slobber on,” she chuckles almost a bit uncomfortably.
Cris shook his head as he ran a hand across the smooth wooden framework. “I don’t know what to say, Alcina. It’s absolutely gorgeous.”
“Only the best for our favorite niece.”
Cris clapped his hands together and pulled out a few pieces of paper from his back pocket. "Now, onto Julianna's schedule. Lucia tried to be as helpful as possible when writing it down, but she said if you have any questions just ask her when we drop her Jules off."
Both of you nodded as he handed them to you. Bela situated herself on your bed with one of the plushies he brought over just because.
 Daily Routine
7 am- wake up and bottle feed 8 ounces for about 20 minutes (doesn't have to be one the dot if she's still sleeping. It's a rare occurrence for her to sleep in, but it could happen
7:30- playtime on the floor or outside (we usually keep her inside this early in the morning but either is perfectly suitable)
8:00- breakfast (something solid-ish. Like oatmeal and fruit chunks)
8:30- more play 
Between 9-9:30- bottle-feed 6 ounces for 15 minutes then naptime
11:00- wake up and play (she loves her building blocks and rattle)
Noon- lunch (baby food! Fruit or veggie) (she'll probably refuse solids but don't take no for an answer! Even just a few are ok if she's especially cranky)
12:30- play (peek-a-boo in the mirror! she gets a kick out of it every time. 
1:30- bottle-feed 6 ounces and nap (Congrats! you're halfway there)
3:30- wake up and play (try using the hand puppets and engage her in nursery rhymes)
4:00- bottle feed four ounces for roughly 20 minutes
5:00- dinner (more baby food. Whichever one she didn’t have for lunch)! Same as the morning, she'll probably refuse)
5:30-play (maybe go for a walk if you haven't already?)
6:30- bath time! (see added note for specific bathtime notes. She loves hearing her little rubber ducky squeak)
7:00- bottle-feed 8 ounces then time for bed (good luck trying to sleep and getting her to sleep)
1:30 am- bottle feed again (she’ll wake you up when she’s hungry don’t worry)
Breastmilk can be refrigerated for five days and I’ve given you more than enough to hold her over. Protect it with your lives! Breast Milk is liquid gold!
 You read the note over a couple of times before handing it to Alcina who looked just as overwhelmed as you. "That is so much."
"Not enough," Alcina says at the same time.
Cris laughs. "Wanna see what she wrote for bathtime?"
Alcina took the second not from him.
 Bathtime Tips
Make sure the adhesive mats are set down before bath time begins. One in the tub one outside
Make sure you have everything you need nearby; towel, washcloth, toys (especially her duck), shampoos, lotion, clean clothes, and a diaper
It’s easiest (and less painful) to sit on a stool or something instead of standing and bending over
ALWAYS KEEP A HAND ON HER!
Take off any jewelry and be sure to wash your hands
Check the water temp with the inside of your wrist- it should be warm (not too hot or too cold)
Dry and dress her on the floor (hence the second mat) 
Squirty toys! (The duck is her favorite as it also squeaks)
Plastic boats that she can push around
Whale-shaped basin for rinsing hair
Once she’s all dry she can go right in her crib
 "Sweet Satan, Cristofor. This is a lot of information. I mean, the more the better but..."
You take her hand in yours and kiss the top of her knuckles. "It's alright, Love, we've got this. If anyone can manage this it's us."
She nods but doesn't really believe your words. You can see the doubt reflecting in her eyes. "You're right."
"It looks way more complicated than it is, ladies. You just put her in the tub, don't let her drown, clean her, and take her out. Boom, simple as that."
Alcina lets out a relieving chuckle and you thank him silently.
 *******************************************************************************************
You lay awake that night unable to fall asleep. Alcina is awake too, but you don't dare speak to her. She's too lost in her own world to be bothered with your nonsense. But it was starting to eat you alive from the inside out. You looked over at it sitting across the room. Its existence is mocking you to the point where you can almost hear it laughing at you.
You finally break the silence. “Who’s even is it? You turned the girls when they were adults, right?”
“Yes.”
“All of them?”
You hear her sigh. “Yes of course all of them. Now please, I don’t want to talk about this.”
“But you had to have a reason, Al. No one just has a crib as intricate as that made out of the blue.”
“It doesn’t matter,” her tone grew sharper. “We have it now for Julianna and that’s what matters.”
“I guess so, but…” you turn your body to face her. Her silhouette is laying on her back staring up at the ceiling. “D-did you try having a baby with someone else and…”
She turns to look at you with wide golden eyes. Not angry, but certainly not expecting that line of questioning. You immediately regret opening your mouth.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have-“ Alcina silences your ramblings with a searing kiss. One you happily return.
“It’s nothing like that, my love. My only children are ours. I had it made last year when Lucia first told us she was pregnant. I remember how excited you were for them. You did so much to help her get ready, for both of them, really.” Alcina smiled and reached blindly for your hand. “And every time they come up to visit your eyes just light up when you see Julianna. You’re so good with her, iubirea mea.”
A shadow of guilt passed over her face. “I overheard you talking to Lucia about wanting kids of your own.”
Your heart plummeted down to the pit of your stomach.
“You love our daughters with your entire heart, but it’s not the same as raising your own flesh and blood. Every time I saw you holding little Julianna or singing to her I pictured you with our baby. So, I got all excited and, albeit, ahead of myself and had the crib made.”
“For our baby,” you finished with a genuine smile.
Alcina nodded. “I wanted to wait for you to bring up the conversation before saying anything about it, and” her voice cracks. “You never did. I didn’t understand why at first. You would produce such a beautiful baby with or without me.” Tears pooled in the corners of her eyes threatening to cascade down her cheeks. “Then one night it just sort of hit me; why would you want to share something as precious and innocent as a baby with a monster like me?”
Tears flowed freely from her eyes and sobs racked her body, it broke your heart. Without thinking you throw yourself at Alcina and wrap her tightly in your arms. The vampire happily buries her face in the crook of your neck and cries her heart out. You thread your fingers through her hair to help soothe her.
“Oh, my love, I’m so sorry. Don’t you ever refer to yourself as a monster ever again, do you hear me? You are no monster, Alcina Dimitrescu. How can someone as loving, and soft, and generous like you be anything besides an angel?”
“Oh stop pretending, y/n. I’m a genetically mutated freak! The baby would take one look at me and start wailing,” Alcina let out a frustrated huff.
“Stop it, Alcina. Our baby would adore you just like Bela, Cassandra, and Daniela do. Julianna loves you to pieces! She gets so excited every time you walk in the room.”
Alcina sniffled. “She does that with everyone.”
“Because she likes us, Al.”
A beat of awkward silence passed between the two of you until you finally felt her breathing steady.
“You want to have a baby with me?”
You couldn’t contain your smile as she nodded ever so slightly into your neck. “Why didn’t you say anything before? We could have talked about it months ago. The only reason I never brought it up was that I assumed you didn’t want any more children running amuck in the castle. Imagine if they turned out to be just like Daniela.”
That got her to laugh a little. “I wouldn’t mind a baby running around; especially if they look like you.”
“Well I don’t know about that considering we would have to adopt.”
A mischievous smile crept on Alcina’s lips. “Who says we can’t have a baby ourselves?”
“Um, nature? We’re both women, Alcina. I don’t think I have to explain to you how that won’t work.”
Alcina chuckles into your neck. “We’d have quite the brood running around the castle if it did.”
“Then you want to find a donor?” She detached herself from you just enough to give you a look of disgust. “Of course not; no one is allowed to touch my y/n except me.” She flips you both over so you’re pinned underneath her. “There are ways we could have a baby, you know?”
A blush covered your cheeks down to your chest. “O-oh?”
“Mmhm. The old witch in the village could brew something up for us, should we choose to carry.” She laughs at your dumbfounded expression. “It would be a sex change tonic of sorts. Temporary of course, I believe it only lasts a week.”
You blush furiously.
“And depending on the portions of ingredients she uses we could change the erm, size, if you catch my drift.”
You couldn’t bring yourself to respond, in real words at least. Something between a yelp and a whimper came out of your mouth instead. It gets a laugh out of Alcina at least.
“That’s really a thing we could do?”
She starts trailing kisses down your neck to your chest. “Oh yes,” her free hand comes up to pull your shirt down over your breasts. As soon as they pooled out of their confinement Alcina started circling one of your nipples with her tongue. “Would you like that, darling? To feel my cock pounding into you.”
Fuck you loved it when she talks dirty to you. But that turned you on more than you were willing to admit. You gave a shy nod.
Alcina rewards your honesty by taking your hardened nipple in her mouth and sucking. Her other hand moved up your body to rest on your other breast, gently kneading it like dough.
Alcina has always been fascinated with your breasts. Always burying her face in them when cuddling. She simply melted into them on bad days. Giving her a scalp massage at the same time earned you bonus points.
Her lips abandon your nipple, leaving a bridge of saliva still connecting you, and snuggled her face deep in between your breasts. She let out a long sigh and closed her eyes, letting herself get lost in the moment. Her eyes flutter open and you can see the corners of a smile buried in your chest. “What do you think, my love?”
“I think we should see how we do this weekend before making any big decisions.”
Alcina leaned forward only enough to kiss your lips. “Sounds like a plan.”
288 notes · View notes
coffeeshib · 4 years
Note
Kara just really really wants to date Lena supercorp au?
“Date me,” Kara says.
“No,” Lena answers calmly.
Kara gasps, blinking fast, shocked by the nonchalant response. Lena merely looks at her tablet, her attention clearly divided. Her best friend sits cross-legged next to her on the couch, sweater and sweatpants and socks on, comfortable and relaxed.
“No? But—Lena, I’m cute and funny.” Kara scrunches her nose and squints at Lena’s tablet screen.
Lena pauses. “That’s true,” she says slowly, and finally looks at Kara. Lifting her hand up, she pushes Kara’s glasses back up on her nose using her index finger. Then, she only just returns her attention back to her tablet.
Alex squints at them from across the room. “Oh, great,” she groans, before standing up and taking her phone out of her pocket. “Where's Kelly?” she mumbles to herself as she leaves the living room, making her way to Lena’s balcony.
“Is that—wait, so is that a yes?”
“It’s a no, Kara. I only agreed with the cute & funny part,” Lena says, distracted.
“Lena.” Kara's mouth opens and closes, eyes blinking fast. “Wow, you don’t let a girl down easy. Sad girl down!”
“Well, get back up,” Lena quips. She strokes Kara’s knee, touch tender.
“I—what—?” Kara stammers, with wild eyes. Falling backwards on the couch, she stares at the ceiling. “I can’t believe you—is this how you usually respond when someone asks you out? So this is what rejection feels like.”
“Trust me, you’ll feel better after eating a plate full of potstickers.”
“Maybe.” Kara bites her bottom lip. Frowning, she sits back up and pokes Lena’s thigh. “But can I ask why not? I have abs, Lena.”
Lena wheezes. A few seconds later, Kara also shakes in silent laughter as well.
“Look,” Kara says, touches her glasses and licks her lips. She’s trying to keep a straight face on. “I’ll play with your hair everyday and give you lots of face kisses if you date me.”
“Well…” Setting the tablet down, Lena pretends to think about it.
Then, the balcony door opens and Alex shows up again, walking in. 
Lena shoots Alex a please help me look, but Alex pretends she doesn’t see it as she refills her glass of water. After that, she dashes out of the room so quickly she becomes a blur of red hair and black clothes.
Damn her.
Kara sees Lena’s face and pouts, taking her arms back. Lena whimpers, because the heaters aren’t on and it’s cold right now and Kara’s hands on her waist were keeping her warm, goddamnit.
Lena tries, and fails, to pull Kara’s arms back around her.
“Kara. Those arms, put them back where they came from—”
Kara does as told, and indulges her. “I have decided that this is the last time I’m going to cuddle you. I only cuddle people I date.”
“Lies.”
“It’s true.”
Lena breaks into a smile—or rather a smirk, really. “It’s not. Don’t threaten to deprive me of your warm hugs and cuddles.”
“Oh, Lena.” Kara sighs. “You see, I would pay so much more attention to you if you dated me. Your best friend who has abs. So, maybe date me?”
Lena considers it for a second, then wrinkles her nose. “I don’t think so.”
“Wha—” Kara stutters, offended. “I'll have you know I'm an excellent girlfriend. I'll bring you flowers and chocolate and give you nose kisses. You’re the perfect height to receive nose kisses from me.”
Lena only stares at her, the corners of her mouth twitching into something like a smile.
Then, someone laughs—loud.
They both look up to see Alex on the balcony with a ridiculous goofy smile on her face, phone next to her ear.
“Look at Alex. I want that. Did you know that Alex’s girlfriend takes her on a date every week, each Saturday, and has a special routine? Kelly gives Alex’s face ten kisses every night, all over her face. It’s relationship goals.”
Lena cracks a smile. “Gay.”
Kara nods solemnly. “Gay.”
“Women, huh, Kara.” Lena arches an eyebrow at her.
“Hush, Lena. I’m still coming to terms with it.”
Lena tilts her head, smiling amusedly. “Kara, you’ve been ‘coming to terms with it’ since… well, since you met me. I think you have it figured out by now.”
Kara shrugs. “I mean… I still don’t know for sure, Lena. See, I’ve never dated a woman before—”
“—What on earth are you talking about, you dated Lucy before she left National City—”
“—How do I truly know if I like women if I have never felt the warmth of a woman’s touch? I’ve walked my whole life confused, lost and scared, hidden from showing my true self to anyone—”
“—Kara, Eliza said “I know” when you came out to her—”
Kara sighs deeply, eyes wide. “How do I just know when I don’t even know how to hold a woman’s hand?”
Lena takes a deep breath and closes her eyes. “And I thought I was the dramatic one. Darling, you astound me.”
Kara sighs, sad and dejected. “Lena, what was that quote about tiddies?”
“The what now?”
“From Sappho’s. I think it was something like ‘may you sleep on the breast of your delicate friend’? Yeah, it’s that. Oh to sleep on the breast of my delicate friend.” Kara cries. “That’s what I want, too.”
Lena falls down on Kara’s chest, laughter bubbling inside her chest and trying to squirm away. Kara doesn't let her, instead she just cackles along with her. Lena bites Kara on the neck, who doesn't even flinch, which, what the fuck—instead just shifts Lena back to sitting up and then dramatically sprawls out on her back even more.
“Date me, Lena,” Kara says. “Date me, date me, date me—”
“Kara.” Lena sighs, squeezing Kara’s hand. “I am not going to date you. You would spend more time at the gym than you would with me.” She pokes her abs.
“Oh, no.” Kara sniffs. “But you like and enjoy how strong I am. Don't think I don't notice how flustered you get when I pick you up or hold you in my arms.”
Lena looks faintly pink. “That's none of your business,” she says calmly. “I like muscles, you're not special.” Kara only just now notices Lena’s wrinkled sweater from the earlier actions, and starts smoothing them.
“You look nice. You look really good in my clothes.”
Lena sits still as Kara fixes her up, keeping a poker face even when Kara tucks a loose strand of hair behind her ear.
“I look good in everything.”
“But my clothes are simply the best.” Then, Kara gasps. “Yet another reason you should date me.”
Lena sighs, shifting her weight around in Kara’s lap. It’s quiet for a bit, eyes on each other as they listen to Alex talking outside.
Kara takes the opportunity to cup Lena’s face. When Lena doesn’t move, just stays still in Kara’s lap, Kara gives Lena a kiss on the cheek.
Lena pulls back.
“Kara! What was that.” Lena raises an eyebrow, incredulous. Her hands slip under Kara’s shirt, palm on her abs.
“I'm trying to seduce you,” Kara says, trying to keep a straight face, and stops Lena’s wandering hands underneath her shirt.
“It isn't working.”
“Darn.”
Lena nods. “You need to work on your skill.”
“Yes, well… that's not exactly what the last person I had sex with said.”
Lena frowns. “Wait, what? When did you have sex with someone?”
“Hmm. Just yesterday, some woman from a friend’s birthday party. She was lovely. Pretty, too. Why, you jealous?”
Lena scoffs. “No,” she says. Kara pokes her cheek.
“Aw, jealous baby,” Kara coos. “How can you be jealous when you’re not even dating me?”
“I’m not jealous,” Lena insists. “I know what you taste like. I know how you are, and I’m very sure I’m not missing out on much.”
“Oh, really now.” Kara breathes a laugh. “I made you cry the last time we hooked up! You were begging so much—Kara, Kara, please! Kara please, want you to touch me, fuck me now, don’t stop, please, please—”
Lena lets out a strangled noise and quickly quiets Kara, squishing her palm against Kara’s mouth. After a moment, when Kara shows no sign of talking anymore, Lena hesitantly takes her hand off Kara’s mouth.
“So, it’s really a big no on dating me, huh.”
Lena pauses, biting her lip.
“I’ll think about it.”
“Amazing,” Kara whispers. “Lena, are we still pretending it wasn't you that I danced & flirted with at Kelly’s birthday party? I even guided you all the way back to your bed. It's been one whole day since you've last gotten—well, um. You know. Are you okay? How are you surviving?”
“I’m thriving.” Lena breathes out. “I’m living my best life. Been doing some soul searching, too. Finding myself.”
Kara wheezes.
“If you really want to date me,” Lena says, seriously, “you would make me some tea and let me do my work peacefully.”
Kara turns incredulous. “But Lena, I can't move.” She cries. “You’re in my lap, snuggled toasty warm against me and feeling me up. You get up!”
Lena slumps down until Kara’s back hits the couch and Lena’s lying completely on Kara. Kara immediately hugs her with her toned arms. 
“No,” Lena says. “I’m cold, warm me up.”
“Ice block human,” Kara whispers. “Date me.”
“No,” Lena says, groaning right into Kara’s ear. She tucks her face into Kara’s neck, her lips touching the skin there. “No, for the last time. I will not date you, Kara Danvers.”
“Golly—that’s not even my full name. How many times can you break a woman's heart today? Aren’t you quite the heartbreaker.”
Lena only makes a muffled sound against her neck.
“No more straps. I’m never giving you some ever again,” Kara decides.
“But I like it when you use the strap. Why not?”
Kara scoffs. “I meant the sour straps. Lollies—my snacks in the cupboards. But since you brought that up, I mean that, too.”
“Wait, are you serious?” Lena pulls herself away, now sitting on Kara’s thighs.
“Dead serious. I’m cute, funny, and I have abs. And as you already know, my strap game is rather incredible. Ask yourself if you deserve the hot package.”
Lena sighs, looking like she’s really considering it. “Kara.”
“I’m a hot item.”
“Come on now, Kara…”
Kara sighs and turns her head to the side, dramatically.
Lena shakes her head. “This doesn’t need to be complicated.”
Kara frowns. “Oh, I see it now. All this time, the only reason why you like me is because of my strap game. I should have known.”
“Oh my god.”
Kara fake sniffs. “No matter, Lena. You’re my favourite person. I still love you, even knowing this.”
Lena mock slaps her on the shoulder, turning it into a gentle hand when it moves up on Kara’s cheek.
“You’re ridiculous, you know that? And pretty, too,” Lena murmurs. Kara takes Lena’s hand off her cheek and presses a kiss to the palm, eyes never leaving Lena’s. Lena’s cheeks darken with colour.
“You’re prettier.”
Lena swallows. “Kara, I—”
“I can’t take this any longer.” Alex opens the door loudly and stomps her way inside. “Can you two stop fucking flirting for one goddamn minute?”
“Alex, I have no idea what you're talking about,” Lena states, blinking. “Kara, darling, could you please remove your hand from my boob?”
Kara gives Lena’s boob a soft squeeze, her other hand cupping bare skin from where she's slipped her hand underneath Lena's sweater.
“I don’t want to.”
“Okay, then.”
“Oh my god,” Alex says, covering her face with her hands. “I want to go home. I need to go—now. I got what I wanted a while ago.”
“Love you, Alex. You are more than welcome to,” Kara tells her. “You’ve been here in Lena’s penthouse long enough.”
“What—you talk as if you haven’t been here all day, too.” Lena frowns.
“It’s the weekend—no work, no other stuff. What’s wrong with spending my free time with my best friend?” Kara says, cupping Lena’s face lovingly.
Lena smiles. “You’re sweet.”
Alex stares at them, horrified. “Wow, it’s like… it’s like listening to highschoolers on a first date!”
“Um, but we aren't dating, Alex,” Kara reminds her sister gently.
“No, no, you're right, Kara. You aren't dating,” Alex agrees, and takes a deep, deep breath. “You're fucking married,” she hisses, wild-eyed. “I was the goddamn maid of honour at your wedding. You live here and you co-parent a cat with Lena. You've been married for like, three years now. Which makes your strange, awful flirting so much worse, Kara Danvers-Luthor!"
Kara and Lena only look at each other, snickering.
———
(not-so?) SURPRISE THEY’RE MARRIED
2K notes · View notes
dreamescapeswriting · 3 years
Text
BTS Reaction | Future Daughter Visits You [Request]
A/N: Follows alongside the first one I did where the son visits the member, you can find that HERE 
SEOKJIN:
"After all the lectures you've given me over the years," You heard someone scoff, you slowly lifted your head from your desk to look at whoever was sitting in your dorm room. There was a girl around your age sitting there with a bag of popcorn in her hands, 
"What?" You mumbled, wiping the drool off your cheek wondering who she was and why she looked strangely familiar to you as she continued to watch you. 
"Who are you?" You shook your head looking around to see if she was just one of your roommate's sisters or something but none of them appeared to be home, 
"Your daughter. My brother came to see dad and I decided I wanted to see you, I can't believe you lecture me for staying up late to study when you're doing the exact same thing," She scoffed but you only frowned more as she claimed to be your daughter and that she'd come to see you,
"I think you must be confused, I don't...I don't have a daughter," She started laughing while nodding her head, 
"Of course, not yet anyway. Not for another-" She looked over at the calendar and laughed, 
"Six years, then I'll be with you," She smirked looking at her watch as an alarm began to go off, 
"I've got to go but dad will be at the door in like four seconds so you might want to go and brush your teeth really quickly!" She yelled right before a flash of green light happened and she was gone, nothing but the bag of popcorn she'd been eating left behind as you tried to wrap your head around what just happened. 
"Y/n?" You jumped when you heard the door to your apartment open and Jin appeared holding snacks and drinks for you. Dad? Jin...You and Jin had a family in the future?
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YOONGI:
Right as you were about to walk into Yoongi's studio there was a teenage girl standing outside the door looking around nervously, 
"Hi? Are you looking for someone?" You asked softly thinking she might have been lost but as soon as she looked at you she jumped, 
"No! Yes! No?" You frowned as she questioned herself, 
"Well, I can help you look if you want...Is it your dad? Brother? Uncle?" You glanced around to see if there were any staff members she could have been related to but she kept nervously looking back at the door behind her which was Yoongi's room, 
"Did you sneak in to meet Yoongi?" You laughed softly as she shook her head, 
"My brother is in there, I just- I wasn't expecting to meet you...I told him we didn't have to come but I just-" She stopped speaking as though she was taken back at the sight of you, 
"I never thought I would see you this young, mum it's great to meet you," She hugged you tightly as you frowned at the way she called you mum, you patted her back. 
"Did you hit your head? Do you want me to call a nurse?" She shook her head as she snuggled into your chest, 
"No, it's fine. It doesn't matter just...You and dad are so happy now and in the future, we wanted to come back and well...Dad grounded him so we used the time machine to come and see you guys," You blinked at her not knowing you were believing it or if you were just so sleep deprived you were seeing and hearing things. 
"Right...Well, I'm going to go into the room now," You mumbled opening the door to see a teenage boy with Yoongi,
"I didn't know you had a friend-" You were cut off when the boy turned to look at you, he was almost the spitting image of Yoongi,
"I was just leaving, have fun." The boy got up and headed to the door, you stared over at the girl who hit him over the back of the head, 
"That's dad," She mouthed before dragging her brother by his ear lobe out into the corridor, 
"Weird." You mumbled sitting down on the sofa.
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HOSEOK:
After getting back from your date with Hoseok you smiled to yourself, falling down onto your sofa with a giant smile across your face. 
"Dad's right, that smile is contagious," You sat up and stared over at the kitchen to see a teenage girl pouring milk into a bowl, 
"How did you get into my apartment?" Your voice cracked and the girl smiled, 
"I know about the spare key under the frog outside, you told me it was where you kept money too, you should be careful what you tell your kids mum. I mean who knows when we're going to come back from the future to steal you cash," You blinked at her and then touched your head, maybe you'd bumped your head when you were ice skating on your date. 
"Don't worry, you and dad go on another date soon, it just takes him a week to call you because he's so worried, but don't give up on him." You tried to question what she was talking about when she mumbled a bunch of curse words, the next thing you knew was the bowl she was eating from was on the floor and the spoon was clanging around on the side, 
"What. The. Fuck." You mumbled as you got up to clean up the mess, wondering what had just happened.
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NAMJOON:
"Careful! You might fall!" Someone yelled as they steadied the ladder that you were standing on, you looked down to see a teenage girl smiling up at you. 
"Hi, thanks." You laughed as you climbed down, holding a box of books you were attempting to unpack up onto the top shelves, 
"Maybe I should call my friend Namjoon to come and help me, it's too tall for me." You laughed nervously, taking the box over to the counter and asking if the girl needed anything but she was playing around with a watch on her wrist, 
"I put the stupid thing wrong, I meant to add another two years on." You frowned watching her struggling around with it before she smiled in achievement, 
"You're not going to remember a word of this so this doesn't matter, hi mum. You and dad will start dating in about six months so stop calling him your friend, Namjoon will walk through that door in like two seconds." The girl pressed something down on her watch and a flash of green happened in front of you before the bell above the door sounded, then everything was gone and you couldn't remember what you had just been doing, 
"Joonie? Here, can you help me?" You called out as your best friend walked into the shop.
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JIMIN:
"Hey, Jimin didn't tell me he had a sister," The girl in front of you froze as she slowly put down the photograph she was holding and turned to look at you, no one was supposed to be home she'd come back to this date thinking it would be safe so she couldn't be seen. 
"Hi, I'm Y/n...Your brother's girlfriend, he said he introduced me to everyone but I guess he forgot you," The girl laughed nervously as she shook your head, not taking her eyes off you as she teared up a little. 
"Sorry...You're just...You're so beautiful, dad is always telling us how pretty you were." You frowned at her as she used past tense and mentioned her faster, 
"Your dad is too kind, I can't believe Jimin never introduced us-" You stopped speaking as she suddenly wrapped her arms around you, hugging you so tightly you couldn't move. 
"Oh, Hi." You laughed hugging her back as she cried against your arms. 
"Everything okay? Are you having boy troubles...I can beat them up if you want? Maybe you can talk to me about it?" She shook her head before glancing up at you, 
"I just...It's weird seeing you at this age, it's nice but weird." You frowned before nodding along with her, the front door to Jimin's house opening as he called out your name, 
"I'll be right there! Hey I just met your-" As you were about to say sister she was gone, leaving you alone with an empty head wondering what you had been doing on the landing.
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TAEHYUNG:
Taehyung walked away after asking you out on a date and you couldn't help but smile uncontrollably, 
"You know he's always going to be crazy about you, it's quite cute to see how you guys interacted before you were my mum and dad," You turned to see a teenage girl watching you from the doorway of the studio you were standing in, 
"Mum and dad? What's this? A joke?" The girl shook her head, 
"My brother convinced Taehyung to finally talk to you so I decided I wanted to see your reaction in person, I've heard all the stories but having a front seat is so much better," It was hard to make sense of what she was saying, 
"What are you talking about?" 
"You're my mum, Taehyung is my dad...You guys end up together, live happily ever after and all that," A flash of green happened behind her and a teenage boy was standing there waving at you, 
"We have to go, dad found out we were using the machines again," 
"Bye mum," They said in unison before vanishing without another word, you stumbled backwards and leant against the desk you were near for support. 
"Mum?" You mumbled as you rubbed your temples.
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JUNGKOOK: 
"This isn't going to last forever, Taehyung forgives you both." You stared over at the teenager that was sitting in your living room, you were surrounded by tissues and empty ice cream tubs having just cried your way through a breakup with Taehyung. You told him you were in love with his best friend and he didn't seem to take it so well, not that you blamed him. 
"Whoever you are, can you just leave?" She handed you a tissue and you took it, wiping your eyes as you thought back on everything that had happened that morning. 
"Just try to stay positive...Taehyung comes around to the idea of you guys and you and Jungkook end up very happy together, trust me." You had no idea why you were trusting someone who was in your house who you'd never seen before a day in your life but you nodded your head, thanking her for the tissue before thinking on the idea that you and Jungkook had a future together.
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Tagline: @lyoongx @mitzwinchester @rjsmochii @taestannie​ @kneel-begyourpardon​ @sw33tnight​ @sweeneyblue1​ @innersooya​ @agustdjoon​ @jin-from-the-block​ @acciocriativity​ @mwitsmejk​
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goldheartedsky · 3 years
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I told myself I wasn’t going to make a post like this—that I wasn’t going to stoop to the level of making call-out posts—but I really can’t stay silent after what has happened in the last day or so.
The TOG fandom has a serious issue with excusing antisemitism and allowing people who have painfully hurt marginalized groups to continue to ignore, dismiss, and refuse to acknowledge their limits of intersectionality in regards to social justice. I have seen it myself, been on the receiving end of it, and have talked to other Jews in this fandom about what’s been going on and it needs to start being addressed.
Now, I’m not going to name names or tag people (mainly because I have been blocked by almost all of them for this very issue) but if you message me I will gladly tell you the users involved in this. Also, if you have doubts of any of this’s validity and would like screenshots, feel free to reach out to me here or via Discord and I will share them.
A lot of this started when a member of the All&More server had brought up the scientific and medical “discoveries” during the torture and medical experimentation that took place during the Third Reich and how a lot of the origin of it isn’t taught. LR made a comment saying that “we are three-dimensional creatures who are stuck moving forward in time and can’t go back” and added that not using the research won’t make past horrors not happen. When the original user added that there has been a movement in medicine for removing Nazi scientists names off discoveries and that progress was slow moving, she deflected the conversation onto herself, saying “Not using research won’t make my family not harmed by the Japanese” and then immediately pivoted into admitting that, from what she understood, there weren’t any particularly valid scientific discoveries made by them. She then said, in regards to said Nazi atrocities, “Take it, learn about it, put it in context, and then own it and transform it.”
A Jewish member of A&M voiced their discomfort about possibly taking medicine that was a direct result of the murder of their grandparents and other relatives, to which LR said, “Still stuck in the 3rd dimension, still moving forward in time.” I brought up the fact that medicine was built on antisemitism and racism and that starting over would be better than a lot of the procedures we have now. There is a longstanding issue in medicine of disregarding black pain and so much of what we have now is created by eugenicists—including Nazi scientists. There is still a lot of Jewish trauma due to medical experimentation and that is oftentimes dismissed.
LR then made a flippant comment about “Does this count as Godwin’s Law?”—which is about how all internet discussions lead to someone being compared to Nazis/Hitler. When called out on the inappropriateness of the comment, she did not respond and was backed up by one of the mods of the server. There was no apology made nor an acknowledgment about the casual antisemitism of the comments she made and the dismissal of Jewish trauma/pain.
Now, fast forward a couple months when I was contacted by a third party who had not been in the server at the time but had joined and heard about what LR had said there. H said they were friends with LR and had concerns about antisemitism and would like my perspective. I explained what had happened and offered screenshots if they would like them, which they did. They thanked me and apologized that it got to a point that I felt unsafe in the server and had to leave, which I appreciated.
A couple weeks later they reached out to me again and offered to broker a conversation between LR and myself because the situation wasn’t sitting well with them. I was skeptical (because I had been blocked at that point) and didn’t have a lot of hope that this conversation would actually take place but I felt a responsibility to try and be the bigger person and deal with what had been said head on, so I agreed to sit down and have a discussion with her as long as there was a third party in the chat as well—given our history.
After a couple weeks of back and forth with H and hearing that LR had said that she would “think about it”, she finally agreed. I was asked for a time and date and I gave my availability and was told she would be asked for the same. A couple days later, I was suddenly told LR would only be comfortable with this conversation if H acted as a “literal go-between” with us copy-pasting our responses in their DMs so we can “sit with the message and everyone can get to them when they can” rather than it being a session with an actual back and forth and was asked if I was okay with that. I honestly said no, because this was supposed to be a situation where she and I sat down and discussed what she said in the server, not a back and forth message relay where the conversation got dragged out for days or weeks or however long it was going to take. I said if she was serious about meeting me halfway on this, she needed to be able to sit down and actually talk.
H copy-pasted my response to LR and came back that she had backed out of the conversation, which part of me had expected from the beginning—even though all I wanted from this sit down was for her to understand how hurtful the antisemitic comments were and an apology.
These comments that were made in the server are not a secret. It’s pretty well known what was said and again, these were all on record, not privately made in some DM. She has still not owned up to the comments she said, nor has she ever apologized for them. She has ignored message after message about them and blocked more people than I can count. Many of the people defending her when the discourse begins have also been messaged about the comments she’s said and also either block people or ignore the messages completely and refuse to acknowledge them.
Now, this being said, in the most recent conversation about fandom racism, someone brought up the post that was made reducing users on ao3 to faceless, nameless numbers without saying who they were, what they had done, and how they were specifically contributing to the problem of racism in this fandom. They made the comparison of other situations like HR looking at pay stats to see how to fire and included “Nazis, capitalists, and colonizers.”
This is not an invalid argument. There have been other Jews in the fandom who specifically voiced feeling uncomfortable for the exact same reason. However, another person, LT, decided to specifically make a post calling the OP out and drag them for having the audacity to liken it to the Shoah (which, mind you, this person is not Jewish nor did they decide to capitalize Shoah or the Holocaust as they should have). She received a reply saying, “you’re offended by antisemitism? Here’s LR’s (someone LT has agreed with multiple times over racism in fandom) track record of antisemitic comments” which outlined everything I delved into previously.
LT said that they were “unaware of this incident until a couple days ago” but agreed that it was an upsetting display of casual dismissal of Jewish pain and hoped that LR had apologized. She was then called out for being aware of it and still continuing to reblog LR’s posts even after knowing about the comments and was linked to my post clarifying that LR had not apologized and refused a discussion about it, to which LT said that she had gotten “quite a different version outlined in the post linked and corroborated by a third party” and “felt uncomfortable” making a value judgement, insinuating that I was not being truthful about my side of the story.
I messaged LT off-anon and said that I was not lying nor over-exaggerating about what had happened in the server or about the following discussion about trying to broker a conversation with LR, and was immediately blocked by her. I am also not the only Jew who has sent her messages about this topic, only to have their messages ignored.
Now, am I surprised that I was immediately blocked after voicing my issues with what LT had said in that post? No.
She has a history of making antisemitic comments, most of which happened during the brunt of the Israel/Palestine discussion happening, which included statements such as “You cannot be considered indigenous if you hold a position of power”, that, despite having been displaced for 2,000 years, the Jewish diaspora was “integrated” into their respective communities (a wholly untrue statement), as well as linked to and promoted a website with extremely antisemitic articles including one about “Spartan Jews” and how Israeli Jews are violent to “send messages to their deprived self-esteem” that they won’t be victims again. Half of the comments on the site’s front page included such hits as “Death to all Jews” and “Wow, I had no idea this was happening—I guess it is true that Jews control the world and the mass media.” This website was repeated in multiple posts as “unbiased” and “a good resource” for other people to truly know what was going on.
Jewish dissent on the content of some posts and that website went unacknowledged and dismissed.
Being that LT is a relatively big user in the TOG fandom, her posts got circulated frequently. Seeing things like that touted as unbiased was extremely triggering for me and multiple Jews in this fandom that I’ve spoken to.
Now, the reason I made this post in particular was because I have seen a lot of echoing of the sentiment: “no matter how much you disagree with their sentiment, aligning yourself with racists is...well aligning yourself with racists.”
This statement NEEDS to become intersectional. If we are criticizing the work of people because of who they hold company with, why does that end at racism? If we are going to have a discussion about racism in this fandom, why are we letting it come from people who have openly said antisemitic things, people who have stood by them and supported them in silence, and people who have silenced Jewish voices speaking up about this issue.
These are not separate issues. This is a really good post regarding the white washing of Jews in social justice discussion and it comes full circle into the medical experimentation discussion. Jews were not seen as white during the Holocaust. The Nazis were trying to cleanse the Aryan race because they did not view Jews as white. They experimented on them because they did not view them as white and, thus, disposable.
Every Jewish diasporic community is still vulnerable. Even though the US has half the world’s Jews, over 50% of the religiously based hate crimes are consistently anti-Jewish even though Jews make up 2% of the population. Chinese Jews are still holding their holiday celebrations in secret due to government crackdowns. The attempted genocide of Beta Israel was less than 50 years ago. Across the Middle East and North Africa, Jewish communities are barely hanging on after centuries of attempted destruction. These are not just Jewish issues but racial issues as well because when people make the sweeping generalization of “Jew” and they only mean white-passing Ashkenazi Jews, it erases so much of our community.
I absolutely agree that this fandom needs to have a discussion about race and portrayal in fic and what we can do better moving forward—and I want to see that done—but we also need to acknowledge what so many people starting this discussion have said and the marginalized groups they have hurt along the way. I see these posts come across my dashboard and know exactly who they're coming from and what they think of people like me. If we are going to say, “No matter how much you disagree with their sentiment, aligning yourself with racists is aligning yourself with racists,” then we NEED to be saying, “If you are aligning yourself with antisemites, you’re aligning yourself with antisemites.”
We all need to move forward. But that means moving forward together. Jews included.
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Miraculous Side Effects
For Maribat March day 6 theme miraculous side effects 
Master List
Despite popular belief, the miraculous did not give you powers or animalistic side effects outside of the miraculous. So no she did not eat aphids and could not create things out of thin air. 
The only side effect of the miraculous was you became a little more in tune with a certain part of yourself. For Tikki it was being more structured/organized, with Plagg you became a little more chaotic, Trixx you became a little more honest, and so on. 
Most days Marinette found herself wearing the ox miraculous, a nose ring. For some reason nose rings scared people off and most days she was so deep into her work she didn’t want to be talked to. Unfortunately, this came with the side effect of being more hot-headed. When especially pissed off she forgot all reason and would either tell a person off or beat a person up. Neither was pretty. 
And just her luck that today was one of those days. She had been up for 28 hours working on Jagged and Penny’s outfits for some rich man’s gala. 
With any luck she wouldn’t have to attend, not that she didn’t have a dress she always had one on hand, but she really didn’t want to socialize with a bunch of rich people. If they were anything like Chloe or Kagami, no offense to her best friends of course, then they would be a pain to talk to. 
Now here she was in this coffee shop, she didn’t bother remembering the name of, to get a cup of coffee so she could finish the stitching on Penny’s dress. 
Ignoring the guy’s horrified expression at how much caffeine she wanted and his muttering of ‘there’s now a female one’ she patiently waited for her cup. 
The second she got it she chugged most of it down, immediately feeling more awake. Screw sleep, she could take a nap once she was done. 
She had literally just finished drinking it all when a body slammed into hers. She ended up falling on the ground, cup still in hand, and glared at the person who bumped into her, mostly because he was still standing. 
Her first thought was ‘Fuck, he’s cute’. What was it with her and green eyed men? Faintly she could hear someone saying, “Good going Demon Spawn!” but she wasn’t paying attention. 
The lid had fallen off the cup and now the little bit that was still left had splattered onto her clothes. And she liked this shirt too. 
He offered her a hand but she was still pissed off, her mind no longer listening to reason, and it didn’t help that Stompp’s side effect was amping up her aggression. 
Completely ignoring his offer of help she got up and gave him her best glare, the one that had grown men shaking. Now this wasn’t her best moment, but in her defense she was sleep deprived and now needed to change her clothes which took up more of her precious time. 
“Dude watch where you’re going next time!” She shouted, the whole place went silent. 
It took the dude a moment to say something but she just ended up cutting him off, “Look I’m sorry, I-” 
“You’re sorry. Yeah, apology not accepted.” And with that she grabbed her lid off the ground, dramatically smashed her cup with one hand, and threw both things away in the trash can by the door as she walked out. 
It wasn’t until she had finished Penny’s dress and took a much needed nap that she realized the opportunity she just wasted. She could’ve accepted the apology and maybe got a date with a really cute guy! But no she just had to act all snappy and rude to him and she was glad she never had to see him again. Gotham was a big city and what were the chances she would see him again after all. 
Stompp just thought she did the right thing telling the guy off. Of course, the most aggressive of the kwami would be telling her that. She really should try wearing Daizzi’s miraculous one of these days. Not that it was going to help her racing heart whenever she thought of him.
-
Despite what everyone, including sometimes his own family thought, Damian did care for his family. That included his siblings. 
Which is why he was here, with Jason Todd of all people, trying to get Tim Drake to come home and take a nap. They had a mandatory gala to attend on the weekend and Bruce didn’t want Tim Drake acting like a zombie for it. 
Damian was trying to do his job and get Tim Drake home while Jason Todd thought it would be funny to tease the both of them. 
This may or may not have resulted in him saying some not appropriate things to Jason Todd resulting in Jason Todd shoving him resulting in him accidentally knocking down someone. He fully blames Jason Todd. 
He looked down at the girl he had knocked down and the first thought that came to him was ‘Fuck, she’s pretty’. Where the hell did that come from? This thought almost drowned out Jason Todd’s “Good going Demon Spawn!” Keyword, almost, he definitely was going to maim Jason Todd later. 
Looking back at the girl with gorgeous blue eyes, adorable freckles and was that a nose ring he offered her his hand to help her up, doing his best to ignore those that were whispering around them.
Much to his and he’s pretty sure his brother’s surprise, she gave him a glare that could rival the batglare and completely ignored his hand when getting herself off the ground. 
Then another shocker was when she shouted at him, “Dude watch where you’re going next time!” The whole place went quiet at that, she had just yelled at the Ice Prince. 
It took him a minute to compose himself as he tried to apologize only to be cut off, “Look I’m sorry, I-” 
“You’re sorry. Yeah, apology not accepted.” And with that final statement she grabbed the lid that had fallen off her cup, smashed said cup before throwing both things in a trash can as she walked out. Woah that was hot Shut Up Brain! 
“What just happened?” Tim Drake questioned. 
“Demon Spawn just pissed off a girl. Tried to apologize to her and she rejected his apology.” Jason Todd laughed. 
“Shut up Todd!” Damian snapped, “Let us just get Drake back to the manor.” 
“Yeah, yeah, on it Demon.” Jason Todd said before throwing Tim Drake over his shoulder and walking out the door. Damian kept his head down as he followed them. 
Later he would think about the girl with blue eyes, freckles, and a nose ring and would not be able to stop his racing heart. Or his siblings teasing after Jason Todd told them the story of the girl who rejected him after he had bumped into her. And it wasn’t like he was ever going to see her again.
-
Those that were in the coffee shop would have a story to tell their friends. The Ice Prince of Gotham bumped into a girl, tried to apologize to said girl and she didn’t accept his apology. Or try to flirt with him or sue him. And none of them had gotten it on video. 
Who knows? Maybe he’ll get a second chance at a first impression. *wink wink nudge nudge*
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Me not so subtly saying there will be a part 2. Again sorry for posting so late, procrastination is my best friend these days. 
@maribatmarch-2k21 
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accidentally ruining relationships
Word Count: 3,851
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader
Warnings: a very stupid Bucky? some terrible humour by yours truly? lol all fluff though I promise 
A/N: PLEASE DO NOT REPOST MY WORK ON ANY SITES WITHOUT MY PERMISSION! (Reblogs are totally okay!) Look at me posting a WIP that’s been sitting in my drafts for literally forever haha. I hope you guys like it, I love these two idiots so much <3
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(Not my gfif, creds to the original creator!!)
Y/N groaned, lying on her stomach and pushing herself into the pillow beneath her, burrowing her face into the fabric in hopes that she could suffocate herself and be done with this world.
“Doll, it’s okay. Breakups happen. I’m sorry I wasn’t here when it happened.” Bucky apologized, rubbing his hand against her back from where he sat next to her on the bed. He had just come back after a three month long international mission, only to find out that a few days he had gone off comms, Y/N and her recent boyfriend had broken up. The soldier moved his hand move to her hair, playing with a few strands like he usually did when she was in need of some calming energy . “I thought you were thinking about breaking up with him anyways.”
“I was,” Y/N frowned tightly, pulling her face from the pillow and looking back over her shoulder at her friend. “That’s not why I’m upset.” She sighed as she thought about it for a moment, wishing that talking about these things didn’t make her feel so frustrated again. Over the last few months, she had been healing, getting over the typical breakup feelings, but she knew that deep down, this relationship had been all fake anyways.
Bucky waited for a moment with raised eyebrows as Y/N moped further into her pillow. “So… why are you upset?” He finally asked after she didn’t continue.
Y/N huffed and pushed herself up off the bed, sitting up to look at him, “The problem is I expected to feel something... he broke up with me in the worst way, over a fucking phone call, and I feel nothing!”
Bucky blinked, watching as she whined and fell back into his bed. “And... that’s... bad.” Bucky responded slowly, attempting to catch up in her thoughts.
“Yes!” She exclaimed, her bottom lip pulling into a small pout. “It means that I just spent months of my life with this guy who literally made me feel nothing.”
Bucky thought about it for a moment before lying down next to her. “I mean it only happened a few weeks ago. Maybe you’ll feel it later.” He suggested, nudging her playfully.
“Maybe,” (Y/N) murmured, though she knew she wouldn’t. It had been a long time since she felt anything towards her now ex-boyfriend. Or anyone else really, and she had known this even before she met the newest ex. She had tried to bury it, tried to deny it, but it always came back the same way. She was in love with someone else.
The two laid in silence for a while, until Y/N’s fingers clicked onto her phone screen and found a playlist called ‘For the Brokenhearted’. Soon, soft melodies floated in the air, lyrics that made Y/N’s heartstrings feel numb. She felt guilty that she felt nothing, felt upset that there was nothing left over.
“Bucky?” Y/N asked after a while, glancing over at him. After the months he had just gone through, Y/N knew that he was probably sleep-deprived and mentally and physically exhausted, so she wasn’t surprised at all to find his eyes closed. But since there wasn’t his usual falling-asleep twitch in his leg, she knew he was awake.
“Mm?” The sound made Y/N’s lips turn into a small smile, watching the flutter of his eyelashes.
“Have you ever been in love?”
Such a simple question and yet, Bucky felt like he had just been smacked in the stomach, as if all the breath had just been knocked out of him. “S-Sorry what? Me?” His eyes opened to look at her, gazing at her thoughtful expression.
“Yeah,” (Y/N) nibbled on her inner cheek, a nervous habit of hers that Bucky had started noticing the first day they met. “Like heart skipped a beat, smile at the mention of their name, cheeks rosy when they look at you, giggles in your throat kind of in love,” Her voice was lofty, matching her head-in-the-clouds sort of facial expression.
Bucky scratched his head slightly, furrowing his eyebrows as he tried to understand why she was asking, “That… sounds super specific,” he commented slowly, but he knew exactly what she was talking about. He had felt all that and more, starting the very moment he had met her, how could he not?
“I’m scared it doesn’t exist... every time I think I’m in love, it doesn’t work out. I feel flutters with someone and I think hey maybe these are the right kinds of butterflies in my stomach but it turns out I was just looking for something that wasn’t even there,” She sighed, turning onto her side so she was facing him and taking his hand, her fingers playing with his. “I don’t want the next guy I think I’m in love with to turn out to be an ass too. What if I think he’s this super amazing guy, like all the others, and it turns out he’s the worst person I could ever be with?”
Bucky thought for a moment and turned his head to watch her. “One day, you’re going to find some super cool, awesome guy who’s going to treat you like the queen you are, doll. You’ll know it when you’re with him… it’s like magic. Or a puzzle piece. You’ve got to find the person who fits you and your heart just right. Can’t just shove some other piece because it just wont work. But when you find them… it’ll just click.”
There was a pause filled with a sort of tender love in the air, coming from the romance that filled Bucky’s voice as he talked. Y/N watched his eyes sparkle and they shared a gaze for just a moment that made Y/N’s insides turn.
“But until then, you and I can hang out and gossip,” Bucky added in playfully, a smirk on his lips.
Y/N smiled, eyes dropping nervously away from his his but they kept falling t o his lips, as if unable to stop herself from investigating those incredibly kissable lips, “I don’t know how I’d live without you, Bucks.”
He grinned hearing those words, hoping she couldn’t feel his heart racing, “Well lucky for you, you’ll never have to.”
“Until some girl comes and sweeps you away from me,” she tried to laugh, tried to make that smile on her face as genuine as possible because he deserved to be happy. She wanted him to be happy. Somehow, not one single girl that had crossed paths with Bucky had seemed to catch his eye, all of them absolutely stunning. If they couldn’t make Sergeant Barnes swoon, the kind of woman that would must be out of this world incredible.
“Awh come on, no one’s going to be taking me away from you. Not anytime soon.” Bucky’s shoulders gave a simple shrug as his eyes started to close blissfully again, not noting the sadness growing in Y/N’s eyes as she thought about the kind of woman that could make Bucky Barnes feel the way that she herself felt about him.
For just a moment, Y/N watched as he breathed quietly. Her eyes admired every freckle, every piece of hair, every little part of him that she could. She could very much be in love with this idea of something she didn’t know, something new, she was aware of that. She had been so scared that she was just falling in love with Bucky because her relationship didn’t work out and she found solace and comfort with him.
But it wasn’t just because of this asshole breaking up with her. The more she thought about how she felt about Bucky, the more she thought about how often she had waved the idea away with I’m not good enough for him… but that wasn’t really saying she didn’t like him.
And there was more than just what he was like with her. She loved the moments he thought no one was watching, the way he smiled seeing families play together at the park, the immediate need to help someone when they needed it, like that time he had brought home a litter of abandoned kittens.
There was just something about him.
“You’re staring,” Bucky’s voice and cocky smirk broke her out of her thoughts, his eyes not even bothering to open.
“Can’t help it, you’re far too gorgeous,” (Y/N) shot back, hoping her playful tone would hide her true feelings as she quickly turned to her phone to find more music. She begged the universe to keep his eyes shut, hoping he wouldn’t notice how nervous she got all of a sudden.
Bucky peeked an eye open at her words, smirking slightly, “Says the most perfect girl in the universe,” he tested. He just wanted to see that smile once more.
And there it was. Her lips turned into a bashful smile, her lower body squirming shyly. Bucky closed his eyes again, smiling as he saved the picture of it in his mind somewhere.
He felt her shift on the bed and suddenly there was a weight on him. He opened up his eyes to see her straddling his waist, staring at him. “Oh I’m sorry, did I wake you?” She teased, the playfulness in her eyes sparkling.
Bucky swallowed hard, feeling a deep lust for her itching inside of him. His thoughts wandered off for a moment, imagining different scenarios in which she was straddling him. “Nah, can’t fall asleep. Gotta watch after you and that broken heart of yours,” he finally managed out with a smile.
He watched as she slowly leaned down towards him, her eyes hiding a curiosity behind them as they followed his facial expressions. Their faces were so close at this point, Bucky couldn’t help but think about kissing her. Showing her that no other guy she’s dated was worth her.
Y/N moved some hair out of her face as she continued to examine his expression, his eyes, his lips. She couldn’t tell what had come over her, where this confidence had come from, but here she was, closing in the distance between their lips. Bucky’s eyes saw her gaze flicker towards his lips and the back to his eyes. Were they thinking the same thing?
“AND THEN WHAT?” Sam asked with wide eyes, watching as Bucky paced up and down his room. He was at the very edge of his seat, as if Bucky was retelling the most dramatic story of a lifetime (which he was)
“And then nothing!” Bucky groaned, shaking his head. He let out a sound of frustration, kicking at the air.
“What do you mean nothing? Sounds like she wanted to kiss you.” Steve’s eyebrow raised in confusion, leaning back into the couch he and Sam were sitting on.
Bucky sighed and after a moment, he finally threw himself onto a nearby chair, “I couldn’t do it, Stevie. She just went through a breakup. How is that fair of me to take advantage of her feelings like that?”
“I mean, you could’ve been her rebound.” Sam offered. “And then she just so happens to fall in love with you. You two get married, have kids, be disgustingly adorable-”
“That just sounds like I’m using her emotions to my advantage. She deserves better than that.” Bucky sighed, putting his head in his hands. “That was my one chance, wasn’t it?” He moped.
“Bud, everyone can see that you like each other. There’ll definitely be another time for it. Maybe when she’s not dealing with a breakup,” Steve nudged his friend, attempting to be comforting. “It’s only been a few weeks, give it some time.”
“I mean to be fair though, maybe that was her trying to tell you that she likes you and when you didn’t kiss her, she took it as you not liking her. I mean she did make the first move,” Sam thought out loud. Steve grabbed the pillow seated next to him and swung it out right beside him, hitting Sam smack in the face, glaring at the now laughing Sam Wilson as Bucky let out a whine.
“Dammit!” The dark haired soldier yelled out, his voice echoing into the room, thinking through his options. “The hell do I do now?”
“Well what happened after you didn’t kiss her?” Steve asked as Bucky hit his head against the back of the chair frustratedly.
Bucky sighed and looked over at him, “She just smiled kinda sadly and said she wanted to go talk to the girls or something.”
“Okay so why don’t you ask her if she wants to go get some snacks or something from the grocery store. Do that movie date thing you guys normally do.” Steve shrugged, not at all worried by the situation. He had seen the lovey-dovey glances these two sent each other all the time, and to be honest, he was getting so sick of it. It frequently disturbed meetings, ruined plans on missions, and right now, it was ruining what was supposed to be a peaceful Sunday night. With his luck, this would continue for a long time, so there was so need for his best friend to be worried.
Before Bucky could decide if it was a good plan, there was a knock on the door and Y/N peered in. “Bucks?” She blinked, surprised to see the three men sitting around and Bucky looking depressed. “Sorry, am I interrupting?”
“Not at all,” Sam smirked. “Sorry to hear about Johnny...Mark...Marcus?” He offered, stretching his mind.
“Tommy.” Y/N responded with a laugh.
“Right, Tommy... the... doctor?”
“Dentist,” Y/N laughed, raising an eyebrow in his direction. “Seems like you put in so much effort to remember my dates, Wilson,” she teased.
“What can I say, I just don’t think they’re that memorable compared to other guys,” Sam grinned, wiggling his eyebrows in Bucky’s direction when she wasn’t looking. “Well, sorry anyway,” Sam added in with a smile.
“Aw, don’t be sorry,” (Y/N) shrugged, sighing as she let her thoughts lead her words, “Any boy who breaks up with me over working here, isn’t really worth it.” The words spilled out before she could stop herself, smiling brightly until she noticed all the boys turning to look at her with wide eyes. “What?”
“He broke up with you because you work with the Avengers?” Steve frowned tightly. “What’s wrong with working with us? Did we do something? Is he one of those guys that doesn’t like us?”
“O-Oh-” (Y/N)’s eyes widened, “U-Um like, partially because I work with you guys.”
“Who the hell doesn’t like the Avengers?” Sam scoffed. “What’s so wrong with working here?”
“I-It wasn’t so much working with you guys as it was... you know...living with you.” Y/N admitted nervously, avoiding Bucky’s gaze as she desperately tried to put out a fire she started but only really making things worse. He stared at her hard and she knew it was because he was surprised she hadn’t told him this earlier.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Bucky’s voice was quiet but it sent a little shiver down Y/N’s spine. Sam and Steve shared a look, attempting to sink back into their seats, twiddling their thumbs.
“It’s not really that important,” Y/N told him quickly. “He just...got jealous that I’d be hanging around you guys and that I’m always with you and that I talk about you all the time and-”
“So it wasn’t so much the Avengers he was jealous of, but...Bucky?” Sam sat up straight as he spoke up, trying to contain the smirk on his face but it was hard. He didn’t need any clearer sign than that that these two were pining after each other - even Y/N’s idiot ex boyfriend could see that. Bucky’s face lit up like a tomato, which made it harder for Sam to contain any laughter.
“I-I mean...” Y/N scattered for a good excuse. Tommy had hated her relationship with Bucky and always felt like he came second to him... he wasn’t wrong.
“Did I do something?” Bucky asked nervously, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to come between you and your relationship-”
“No no!” Y/N burst out, shaking her head, “Please don’t think like that. It’s not like this is the first time it’s happened!” She laughed nervously, but the boys were still staring at her. Goddammit, stop talking! she begged herself, letting out a quiet groan when she realized what she had admitted.
Bucky’s heart was falling. So he had been the reason for all those nights she cried and wondered if she’d ever find love? “It’s happened before?” Bucky asked slowly, shoulders falling. “Fuck, how many of your relationships have I ruined?”
“Bucky-” Y/N started.
“I think this is our cue to leave,” Sam mumbled, nudging Steve’s arm. The two of them patted (Y/N) on the back before sliding out, Sam sending Bucky a supportive grin and a thumbs up before closing the door behind him.
“How many?” Bucky asked again, standing up stiffly.
“What?”
“How many times have I ruined a relationship with a person you really liked?”
Y/N swallowed hard, her mind racing as she tried to find the words to explain what it had all been about, “Bucky please, it’s not what you think-”
“Not what I think? You’ve been in and out of flings and relationships this whole time and now you’re telling me that this isn’t the first one to end because of me? What did I do? Is it because I’m around you lots?” Bucky looked angry and desperate for answers. Y/N’s heart broke seeing him like this, unsure of how to explain.
“B-Bucky, please, let me explain-”
“Damn, what kind of friend am I to be in the way of all your relationships? How could you not tell me? You could’ve told me to back off or something! How many of them did you actually like and I fucked it up?” Bucky ranted, his voice raising.
“Bucky stop!” Y/N yelled, eyes desperately following him. “I-It’s not like that. It’s not just because we’re always together. These guys just get jealous and...and...” Y/N swallowed hard, trying to figure out what to say. Was now a good time to admit all the feelings that were bottled up?
“Jealous of what? Of how you spend time with me here? Of how you take care of me? Is it because of who I was? Because of what I did?” Bucky pleaded, begging for answers. Why wouldn’t she just tell him the truth? “All those nights you spent in my room, crying over boys, and it turns out it was just my fault all along-?”
“Bucky Barnes, it’s because I’m in love with you!” (Y/N) yelled out, a desperate attempt to pull him out of spiralling.
Bucky’s eyes shot over to her, wide as he processed her outburst. There was a dead silence as the two of them stared at each other.
“You what?” His voice was barely louder than a whisper.
Y/N sucked in air, heart pounding against her chest. There was no turning back now. “I-I’m in love with you, Bucks... and they all knew it. I tried to play it off as them just being jealous of my best friend being a guy but... I’ve always known I was in love with you. Even the girls knew,” she sighed, thinking about how Nat and Wanda were so relieved to finally hear Y/N admit she may have feelings for the soldier.
Bucky suddenly felt incredibly lightheaded. He searched her expression for any sort of sign that she was lying, but she sounded so genuine. “Y-You can’t,” he told her softly. “Not me.”
(Y/N) felt defeated, her heart was falling every second, “Because you don’t love me back,” She stated softly and Bucky’s eyes looked like they would pop out of his head.
“No! Of course I’m in love with you, doll, who the hell wouldn’t be?” He sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. His shoulders fell from his normally straight posture, eyes dropping to the floor. “My heart’s been yours since the first time you smiled at me. But what could I give you? I’m an old man, I don’t understand anything you grew up with, anything we’re going through right now. Not to mention the obvious,�� he scoffed, closing his eyes slightly. “I couldn’t live with myself if one day I snapped back and you were scared of me.”
(Y/N)’s heart was in turmoil. On one hand, he had just admitted he loved her too. Her heart soared at the thought of them being in love, at having a chance to be with her best friend. And then it fell. Bucky was stepping away from her, as if distancing himself would do anything. “I can take care of myself,” she said firmly, frowning at him. “Do you really love me?”
Bucky looked at her with a sad smile, moving to sit on the armrest of the couch. “With everything this broken body has.”
“Then kiss me,” she demanded, surprising herself with how confident the bold statement sounded.
Bucky stared at her for a moment, his fears and his feelings mixing together. He was in such turmoil, watching as she stepped closer moving to stand between his legs. “Doll, I-”
“Do you not want to?” She asked quietly, watching his eyes. She needed to know how those lips felt on hers, if the spark that she had fantasized about was real.
“Of course I want to-” He insisted, searching her earnest eyes. “But what if-”
“Then kiss me, Sergeant.”
Bucky watched her for a moment, deciding that this was the one moment that he got. Steve told him that he deserved to be happy, especially after everything that happened. Did he? Did Bucky Barnes, a trained assassin that became a murdering tool deserve to be happy? He stared at this woman standing in front of him, a glow on her skin after such a passionate confession, eyes fiery with confidence and demand.
“Fuck,” Bucky muttered to himself. He stood up swiftly, wrapping an arm around her waist and pulling her to him. And he did it. He kissed her. His lips eagerly pressed against hers, her arms finding their way around his neck in an attempt to pull him closer.
It was everything the two of them had dreamed of and more. Y/N thought about all those people who said you know it’s love when there’s sparks flying. The comical idea of fireworks off in the background played in her head as his lips moved along hers. It was magical, it was fantastic, it was everything.
The two pulled apart for a moment, eyes fluttering open to see each other, to make sure that this wasn’t just a dream, “I really really like you, Bucky Barnes,” Y/N whispered against his lips, pecking them again gently.
Bucky smiled, brushing her hair from her face as he tried to bring himself back to earth. There was no way a girl like this wasn’t an angel, he had to have been brought to Heaven or some etherial plane,“I really really really like you too, Y/N Y/L/N.”
** ** ** ** ** ** **
I hope you guys enjoy this!! I’ve been toying with this WIP for a while now and just figured it was time to post it :) Please let me know if you like it! I love to hear from you all!
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A Favour - Part 2
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A/N: Written for CJ’s Twisted Valentine’s Challenge. @buckeverlasting​ this is a long one. Apologies for the delay. Not my gif!
Part 1
Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader 
Warning: Cursing, angst, some faux fluff.
Everything Taglist – @godofplumsandthunder​ @ladyacrasia​ @agustdowney​ @swaggysposts​ @littlegasps​ @little-baby-vixen​ @another-stark-sub​ @supraveng​ @kahlanmars​ @marvelgirl7​ @disappointmentofthefam​ @pandaxnienke​ @tom-hlover​ @just-the-hiddles​ @fyreball66 @asmigurub​ @avantgardium-leviosa​ @imerdwarf​ @gladiosamicitias​
The empty training room was filled with grunts and angry kicks and punches at 4:00 am on Sunday morning as your sleep deprived self and the need to blow off steam had led you to your trusty punching bag. 
“Why do I do this to myself?” You muttered under your breath, finding yourself on the train of thoughts that had brought you here and in first place & rethink your deal agreement. Your knuckles were sore, body covered in sweat but the anger still simmered beneath the surface as you prepared yourself mentally for that dreaded brunch which you were supposed to leave for in six hours. 
“Trouble sleeping?” A familiar voice called out from the door, your head snapped towards the source and found Steve Rogers leaning against the wall, arms folded, regarding you as a source of amusement. 
“Something like that.” 
“We can go for a run if you want. Or you have plans of punching the sand out of that bag?” 
He nodded towards it with a small smile before you stepped back and began unwrapping your gloves. You wondered why he was awake at this hour, it wasn’t uncommon to find Cap running along the compound perimeter as the horizon lightened, but this was way too early, even for him. 
“I think I’ve had enough. I’ll leave the destruction of punching bags to you.” 
Steve chuckled, remembering the number of times he’d been too aggressive with his training, and the times you had found him in a pensive mood, revisiting his past, sometimes regretting it before your words of encouragement and your listening ear made him feel better. 
As you walked past him with your gym bag, he stepped in your way as you had expected. Steve wouldn’t let you be if he knew there was something bothering you.
“Are you okay (Y/N)?” 
“Of course. I’ll see you later.” Giving your best faux smile, you headed upstairs. 
.
I can do this. I’ve had years of practice. I’ve got this.
Murmuring this over and over under your breath as you got dressed for brunch, you faced the mirror for the hundredth time and back stared a girl who’d been clobbered more than once yet had never gave up, a hopeless romantic who still believed in miracles, that one day all the unspoken love for one man would be reciprocated.
The man who wanted you to help him avoid losing face at a social gathering hosted by his ex. A pretend date, some rehearsed terms of endearment to call one another in public & nothing more.
As your thoughts took that painful turn, tears began gathering in your eyes clouding your vision as you heard a knock on your door.
Time to put on a mask.
“(Y/N) you ready?” Steve called from the other side while you dealt with your watery eyes situation before opening the door.
“Alright let’s do this.” You grinned brightly, eyes expectantly searching for a compliment as Steve stared at you, mouth hanging open just a little bit.
“Wow you look fantastic. I—I mean beautiful. As always.” He breathed, cheeks turning pink as he struggled, shifting weight back and forth on his feet as your heart soared & smile widened.
“You don’t look so bad yourself Cap.”
Steve offered you his arm which you gladly took before closing the bedroom door behind you and passed some of your Avenger friends who all had one similar perplexed look except for Natasha who knew the whole ordeal and just gave you her best compassionate smile.
.
Sharon’s house was bigger than you’d expected, a familial neighbourhood, buzzing with light chatter and catered food and drinks being passed around by smartly dressed waiters, definitely remote from your taste and style.
“We should probably hold hands.”
You whispered, elbowing Steve who was busy searching for the host in the sea of people gathered in the space. He nodded and laced his fingers with yours, pulling you to his side as he smiled down at you warmly making your heart flutter without consent.
Soon enough you saw Sharon making a beeline for Steve, her smile vanishing slowly as her eyes landed on you.
“Steve you made it!” she exclaimed giving him a swift hug and kiss on his cheek before facing you expecting an introduction. You were preoccupied by the way he’d let your hand go to greet her, making the rational side in your brain scold your sentimental one.
“Sharon this is (Y/N) (Y/L/N), I think you’ve met her in HQ before. We’re dating.” Steve beamed down at you after grabbing your hand once more, surprisingly convincing as Sharon flashed you a faux smile. Similar to the one you were putting on ever since you’d arrived here.
“Wow. That’s some development isn’t it? Nice to meet you (Y/N).”
“You too. Steve’s told me a lot about you.” you shook her hand firmly, not lying about the last part. Sharon Carter was all Steve spoke about after she’d helped them find his best friend Bucky some years back.
Someone called her name and she excused herself, leaving the two of you to mingle with the rest of the crowd.
You found yourself in a secluded spot out in the backyard after brunch and interacting with a hundred people repeating the same well-versed story about dating the great Captain America. You played your part well and so did he, considering he felt absolutely nothing and you the complete opposite. There was no reason for people to believe you weren’t a couple, except for Sharon who kept eyeing the two of you every now and then.
Blaming your own stupid self for getting into this whole ordeal in the first place, you were glad there was alcohol being served at this party to drown your sorrows in. Watching every happy couple so in love and interact with them was harder than you’d expected.
Steve hadn’t noticed your absence, at least not for a while as he animatedly chatted with Sharon and some of her colleagues about something you didn’t care for.
You closed your eyes took a deep breath after gulping down your third glass of wine that afternoon when Steve decided to find you.
“I sneaked two donuts from the desserts bar.”
He revealed two chocolate covered donuts from behind his back, offering you one after you chuckled in response.
“That went well…I think.”
“Sure.”
“You alright?”
When you didn’t answer, he came closer and stepped in front of you, urging you to look at him by placing a hand on your shoulder, thumb rubbing your skin in circles.
“No Steve, I’m not okay.”
Looking him in the eye was a mistake, his baby blues were full of concern making you feel worse than you already were. You were determined to speak your heart out at this point, regardless of the outcome.
“I haven’t been okay for a while. This was a huge mistake, I never should’ve agreed to be your date. Not when I’m in love with you.”
“You’re…you’re in love with me?”
“You’re really blind aren’t you? You’ve known me for years and yet you didn’t notice my cancelling plans to tend to your needs. You never saw my demeanor change whenever you’ve brought up her name in a conversation because you were too fucking busy plotting this in hopes of winning her over!”
“That’s not true—”
“I’m not finished!”
His eyes reflected guilt and shame more than concern before he cast them downward, not able to face your furious outburst as tears blurred your vision and your voice cracked.
“Do you know how long I’ve been dreaming about going on a real date with you? God I feel so stupid right now. I waited for you to make the first move. I waited for months Steve!”
“Nat kept saying you were working up the courage to ask me out. She was stupid, I was stupid. All of this is-is so fucking stupid!”
Tears fell down your cheeks as you paced back and forth on the porch making no attempts of wiping them away, glad that there wasn’t another soul to witness this drama unfold.
“I don’t know what to say. I’m sorry.”
“I know you are. And that’s what sucks. I think I’m gonna leave.”
Making yourself presentable, you placed the glass you were clutching on the steps before leaving Steve alone on the porch. He caught up while you reached for the front door, turning a few heads your way.
“(Y/N) wait! Let me drive you home at least.”
“I can manage.”
“Please?”
His eyes were helpless, sad. You knew arguing with him was pointless, he never failed to get you home safe. You could never really say no to that face.
“Okay.”
“How can I make you feel better (Y/N)?”
“Ice-cream?”
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Hello! I hope this doesn’t make you uncomfy but I was wondering if I could get a bit of advice? From your recent posts, you said you left your home from toxicity and just bad things in general.
I’m in a similar situation, but my dad will be taking me away from my mom. And I just know it’ll be a shit show. And I’m absolutely terrified when we tell her and what the backlash will be afterwards towards my brothers and me and dad in general
How did you do it? How did you take the leap? Do you possibly have any advice on how to deal ?
Hello, friend!! ☀️
Thank you so much for reaching out, it means a lot that you value my advice <3
Hmm, okay from what I can tell of your situation, that is indeed a tricky one, but nothing can’t be overcome!
It’s important to remember, though, I was 19 when I left (now 20), so the way I handled things is going to be a lot different than how a minor can handle things (legally at least, feel free to replicate my insane stunts lmao)
Advice below the cut! (family violence trigger warning, I suppose?)
My entire family was and is extremely volatile, and I don’t speak to any of them anymore except for my older brother, but I’ll be cutting him off in 3 weeks too when I move.
Fortunately, my dad and brother were both kicked out of the house years ago due to violence, which left me with my mother, who’s quite insidious herself (just watch any Conjuring movie and that’ll give a good idea of what it was like living in that house lol)
I get the same feeling watching this scene as when I was around her in that house. Granted she didn’t try to change my gender, but the hatred for my father getting taken out on me is pretty accurate lol, paired with the immediate “motherly love” afterwards (she never hit me though, pleased to say — she wasn’t physically violent, just emotionally, financially, mentally and verbally. She did try to run my dad over once though, so, there’s that too)
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Yikes…yeahh the same eerie feeling for sure, still makes all my hairs stand upright in memory.
(For further context this clip reminds me of my father and this one of my brother)
In the clip about my father, he definitely reminds me of Frank Gallagher, except he despises my mother instead of revering her. He’s a workaholic instead of a drug addict, too. But the mannerisms are the same. I always handled him in the way Fiona does.
Regarding my brother, I think everything about our family hit him the hardest, despite being the oldest. He developed a very violent streak, and has very poor impulse control. I love him dearly but he’s a snake in the grass, and has thrown me under the bus multiple times to get ahead in life. I mostly just pity him, since I know what our life was like growing up. But still, I can’t defend him forever, especially not at the cost of myself. Literally yesterday I woke up to a text from him asking me to come pick him up because he got arrested for starting a fight at a bar and smashing their windows.
When things started getting pretty bad with my mother earlier this year, I started to realise in my heart that there was no way I could go forth in life with her in it. I focused on the future relationships I would have one day when far away from this town — romantic partner, children, friends etc
I sort of realised one day I’d care about them a lot more than I care about my mother, because those future people would care about me. That in turn got me realising that I do deserve love, despite how my mother made me feel, and that I don’t want her to deprive another second of that in my life.
Something very unique that triggered this too was going to go visit an old family psychic, who’s basically just the Gandalf to my Frodo (ily, Chris <3). He very accurately predicted my birth years ago after my mother was told she was infertile — he got the date, year and time right three years in advance, and even knew ahead of time what my personality would be like, which he was spot-on about.
Well, I went and visited him a few months ago because I was lost with my direction, and he ended up pausing and had a sudden feeling, which led to him telling me that he’d just found out I would be having twin boys one day.
Normally I don’t buy into that stuff, but this Gandalf dude…well I knew he was right.
Knowing I’d have sons of my own one day took me from a scared daughter mindset and into a maternal mother bear in an instant, and I knew I didn’t want any children of mine around my mother or the rest of my family, for their safety alone, which made me realise, “Well, if I wouldn’t allow my own children near them, why do I allow myself?”
I started grey-rocking her in the lead-up to me leaving, which of course frustrated her (she’s a malignant narcissist), but it was a necessary step to start emotionally detaching myself from her.
It all bottled over one night after a pretty distressing argument (I had locked myself in my room to avoid it, but she was still at my door carrying on).
My cat, who’s been my best friend for years, was sitting on the floor next to me, and sort of looked up and I swear he spoke with his eyes, saying, “You know we can’t keep doing this, right? You know this abuse has an expiry date?”
I agreed with my cat and knew right then and there that I’d be leaving that night after my mother fell asleep.
Well, when she was finally done (with threats that there’d be more in stock in the morning, mind you) I went to bed early and set my alarm to 3am (was a little inside joke with myself, since that’s biblically the “witching devil hour”)
I started quietly packing my quilt and cat up (I’d already been secretly packing the boot of my car up with all sentimental and important items weeks in advance, except she caught on and took all my baby albums and more to her boyfriend’s house, so I don’t have any baby photos or information on me when I was a baby anymore, like first words, size and just general things I’d have liked to compare to my own kids one day, rip)
Once that was all in my car, I quietly said goodbye to the old family dog and cat (they weren’t mine to take, not that I could’ve anyways, since it was troubling enough taking Buddy, who’s actually my pet and not the family one). That was pretty heartbreaking, as I knew that’d be the last time I’d see them (I grew up with them and was the only one who took care of them — mother neglects kids and pets alike lmao).
Once that was over, I looked around my house with my hand on the front door and was very melancholy, but knew Buddy was right: it had all reached its expiry date.
I left very quietly and drove to McDonalds for a coffee, as I had a long drive ahead (I had organised to be a nanny in this rich family’s house far away in the city — two hours drive). Luckily they were away on their country farm 4 hours away, so I had time to sneak Buddy in.
The nanny thing recently backfired horribly because they discovered Buddy, which led to more AM escapes with my car, but I’m staying with my older brother and his gf for 3 more weeks only. Something I’ve been working towards for months now is moving to a wilderness island to live in my country’s equivalent of Bag End — a beautiful country cottage, amazing job and fantastic study opportunities.
Best feature yet: it’s 60 hours away from my hometown by car, and then you’d have to take a boat for 10 more hours!! They shall never find me hahaha
One of my friends has also told me recently that my mother has started spreading horrible, defamatory rumours about me around town, but I don’t care anymore because I’m almost out.
So, although I can’t offer any practical advice (idk if you’re a minor or not, but regardless it’s great your dad is helping you!) this is the best advice I can offer:
Find a dream and hold onto it, one that doesn’t involve your immediate family. For me it’s moving to that island and enjoying all the fresh air. It’ll push you forwards and remind you of what you’re fighting for when at your lowest.
Remind yourself there will be other people in your life, whether a spouse, friends, children or even a dog! (I’m getting a golden retriever next year 🐾) And then remember that you deserve all of them and the unconditional love they offer you.
Remember that if you don’t want your mother/family screwing those people over by proxy of her/their relationship to you, then there’s no way in hell you alone should put up with it either, as I guarantee those future people only want good things for you ☀️
There is a good life after abuse, I’ve seen it, and I know you can achieve it, too!
Be prepared for tons of backlash and bullshit — it’s inescapable when dealing with people like this, but I recommend educating yourself on narcissistic parents and tactics to deal with them.
Finding a good therapist who deals in PTSD regarding childhood abuse is important, too. I found an amazing one in the town I’m moving to, who had nearly the same upbringing as me!
So while I’m still struggling with a lot of fear (scared my mother will find where I’m working and living one day) and guilt (I feel horrible about leaving the family dog and cat behind, especially when they need veterinary help, only to then go and get myself another puppy) I understand I’ve done the best I can in a very abnormal situation, and that I can only do better from here.
Also, this song has been a saving grace when going all angsty over wanting to leave your current situation:
It’s from my favourite Broadway Musical, “Newsies”, and lemme tell you — discovering this as a 17-year-old when I was just starting to realise the severity of my situation was pure divinity.
Jeremy Jordan, my beloved Broadway Bard <3
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When I finally get my cottage, I’m getting a wooden plaque with the name “Santa Fe” engraved on it, and am hanging it on my front door.
I wish you much luck and love, my little anonymous friend! And please know my inbox is open any time you need anything — vent, advice, a laugh or something else, ANYTHING, it feels good to know my past can maybe help someone else’s present ☀️
Please update me, too! I’m following your story along ardently now! (Also, be sure to take your sentimental items and store them somewhere safe away from your mother — ie baby albums, birth certificates, other paraphernalia/memorabilia etc).
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I must hit the road. DESTINY AWAITS!
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wannabe-fic-writer · 4 years
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Natasha Romanoff x Reader : Prove Me Wrong
Summary: She can trust you, even if she doesn’t know it yet.
Warning: 18+ Mental Health, Mentions of Death, Mentions of Violence, Smut
Chapter 6
******
Laughter sounds in the kitchen, the mix of yours and Carol’s filling the kitchen.
She leans against the counter across from you, sipping from a cup of coffee you’d made for her. And you sit on one of the few stools drinking tea with a new friend, Goose the cat, in your lap.
This morning you’d planned to just get a cup of tea and return to your room to read.
Finding Carol in the kitchen already changed that plan. The two of you started talking and she drew you in with even more exciting tales of space and the Air Force.
Much like the past few days you get wrapped up in how nice Carol is. Sure she’s a little sarcastic, and not so secretly cocky. But that’s definitely swept away by the fact that she’s very funny and friendly.
Goose purrs rhythmically as you pet him and listen to Carol talk about restoring a planet named Easik.
“Not to be nosey or anything but, how does your girlfriend feel about your space travels?” You maintain eye contact as you sip your tea.
Carol chuckles a little,“ she’s not really fond of all the time I spend away and she worries about the dangers out there. But she and her daughter always trust that I’ll get home safely. Plus I make up for it with cool stories and space gifts.”
“Ever the charmer Danvers.” You shake your head.
“Why thank you, I try.” The woman does an exaggerated bow.
Mid laugh, Goose stands up in your lap causing your hand to slide down his soft fur as he looks at the door.
Natasha steps through, clad in athletic wear and sporting a messy ponytail.
Subconsciously you find your gaze passing over the material of her pants that shape her legs and the tank top that shows off her toned arms.
Has she always been this hot or are you only just now noticing?
Thankfully the woman’s words pull you from your thoughts.
“Am I interrupting something?” She asks, walking behind Carol to the coffee pot.
Carol shakes her head,“ just Y/N telling me about her time at NYU.”
You’re quick to tell them,“ which was really just a lot of studying and sleep deprivation.”
“And crazy parties! You saw a guy jump from a roof into a pool of Jell-O. Which makes me wonder if you did too?” She tilts her head inquisitively.
“Of course not,” you finish off tour tea,“ but not because of the jump. I literally cringed at the idea of having Jell-O in places it shouldn’t be.”
The blonde is laughing again and you smile, almost proudly, at having gotten her to.
Natasha looks away so no one can see her roll her eyes.
“Ladies!”
The familiar voice of the one Mister Tony Stark hits your ears before he steps into view. He’s smiling at each of you in greeting and pointing at the cat that definitely wasn’t here the last time he was.
“T! What brings you by, again?” You return his smile sweetly.
“Oh I’m just here to cordially invite you all to mine and Pepper’s anniversary dinner Friday night. Figured getting out would do you some good since your social life is like watching paint dry.” He teases with a fake pout.
Standing from your stool, Goose leaping down from your lap at the same time, you speak to Tony,“ you know, the more time I spend with you the more I understand why Pepper needed to see me.”
Having said that, you leave out. Tony follows you and Goose pauses, looking from where you were to Carol, only to follow after you as well.
With you out of earshot, Carol turns to Natasha with a raised brow.“ I could be wrong here but, am I sensing that you’re interested in Y/N?”
“Of course not.” Natasha shoots the idea down quickly.
Too quickly.
Carol smirks,“ please. You came in here with every bit of jealousy in your tone.” She folds her arms and faces the red head fully,“ which is misplaced. I have a girlfriend.”
Natasha freezes at the information. It’s not a long pause but it’s noticeable enough, making Carol smile proudly.
She knows a crush when she sees one.
“It’s none of my concern who you or Y/N are dating.” She finally says, grip loosening on her cup as she leaves.
For the days that pass Natasha finds herself thinking more and more about what Carol said. 
One thing Natasha knows is how to identify her feelings, but she’d only really encountered these feelings once before. With Bruce.
She felt differently with him than she did with Steve and Tony. The feelings scared her and when she decided to free fall into them, he pushed her away and left for more than two years.
That experience made her familiar with, wanting someone romantically. So when she began to feel that way towards you a mere few days after your second session she fought to push it away. 
She’d be damned if she got hurt again, especially by someone claiming to want to help her. 
And despite not wanting to be hurt, a part of her still wonders about you.
A part that she tries her hardest to ignore. So much so that she doesn’t go to your session the morning of Tony and Pepper’s anniversary.
You couldn’t lie and say you aren’t disappointed to not find her in your office when you got there. And even more disappointed the more time passed without her showing.
You consider going to find her, thinking that something must really be bothering her for her to not show up after all the progress she’d made. But you also considered that she could just be busy and decided that just this once you’d back off.
So, for the time being, you go over the files of the rest of the team, working on possible ways to make breakthroughs and just coping exercises in general. 
Hours pass of this, you stopping only twice to get fresh tea and lunch. Until eventually you’re getting ready for the anniversary dinner. 
After having received directions to the venue from Tony, you get ready to leave. Steve and Bucky offering you a ride and telling you that Natasha, Wanda, and Sam left already.
Light conversation flows between the three of you until you get there. Bucky parking and Steve getting out to open your door for you. 
“Thanks.” You smile, hopping out of the SUV and walking beside them into the building. 
It’s a lot simpler than you expected it to be. As simple as crystal chandeliers and champagne fountains can be.
While looking for Tony and Pepper, your eyes catch Natasha. She’s standing beside Wanda at the bar and looking more beautiful than you’d ever seen. 
Something about the way that blue looks against her skin, the way the fabric of the dress clings to her curvy form, or perhaps the way her green eyes seem to stand out more than usual. 
Has your eyesight changed in the last week? Why are you seeing her in a different light than before? 
Whatever the case is, your watching her, has you tripping over your own feet. 
Literally.
The only reason you don’t eat shit is because Bucky holds his arm out in front of you. 
“Thanks.” You chuckle nervously hoping no one notices the flush of your cheeks, or what caused you to trip.
You gather yourself before heading over to wish the couple a happy anniversary. And of course it doesn’t take Tony long to make some sarcastic comment. In which Pepper shoos him away so the two of you can catch up. 
All the while Morgan stands closely to her mother so you make sure to address her every once and a while, complimenting her dress and asking her about school(the girl is just as smart as her dad, at some point she’ll probably be smarter). 
Soon enough dinner is served, you sitting with the team at one of the tables and listening to them talk. 
It’s not until they open the dance floor that you see Carol. She comes in, effectively grabbing everyone’s attention. 
The woman joins you, her eyes glancing back and forth from all of you to Tony and Pepper dancing. 
“Awe man, I missed the food.” She half jokes, easing into the empty chair between you and Natasha.
You chuckle, shaking your head,“ I’m sure if you ask nicely, and stroke his ego a little, Tony’ll have them bring you something out.”
“Honey we both know I’d never.” 
When you both laugh, Natasha pushes herself up and goes over to the bar, stepping around the person filled dance floor. 
Your laughter dies, smile replaced by a frown. 
Noticing this, Carol stands, offering a hand,“ dance with me?”
“Okay.” 
On the dance floor, Carol’s arm glides across your lower back with ease, her other hand holding yours just level with your chests. You place your free hand on her shoulder.
The soft music that plays tells you that Tony had nothing to do with the selection tonight. Alongside that thought you notice that Carol’s a good dancer, cause she makes your uncoordinated self move easily.
“Is Natasha watching us?” She asks after a few steps.
Frowning, you look at the blonde, who’s eyes don’t meet yours. You let your gaze fall over the room, and find that Natasha is indeed watching you two. Only to look away when she meets your gaze.
“She was. Why?”
The woman’s chest shakes with a laugh,“ I think she likes you.”
That has you looking back over at the green eyed red head. Once again taking in how beautiful she looks.
Natasha likes you?
What had you done to get her to like you? Nothing. So why would she like you?
A frown masks your brows,“ why would you tell me that? Suppose I believed you and it wasn’t true, I’d look like a complete idiot if I did something about it.”
Carol leans back a little at that,“ you like Natasha?”
You flounder, mouth opening and closing stupidly as you think of a reply,“ no. She’s my patient and she tolerates me, at best.”
And she’s notebly the most beautiful woman you’ve ever seen. She’s godly beautiful in a human way. She’s, demi-godly beautiful? You aren’t sure that’s the right description but it’s what you think fits.
“What makes you think that?”
Breaking from your thoughts, you recall the interactions you had with Natasha in the beginning of your stay, or the lack there of. Followed by her barely even looking at you your first session.
At this point you and Carol have danced into a second song. You sigh and drop your head on to her shoulder.
“How often do you see me and Natasha talk? Like barely. The most we communicate is in my office where I am nothing but professional because if I’m not then I’d look like some bumbling idiot and that wouldn’t be helping her.”
Carol sighs,“ it’s not my place to say but, if you do have feelings for her, I think it would benefit you to tell her.”
You look up again, brown eyes staring back,“ did you miss the barely tolerates me part?”
“I find that hard to believe. You’re a very likeable person Y/N. Maybe it’s just her thoughts that are keeping her so distant.” She suggests.
The song comes to an end and you step away from her with a shake of your head,“ not to call you delusional, but I think you’ve seen things that aren’t there. I’m simply her therapist.”
As you turn to walk away Carol struggles to find something to say but she can’t. And your crestfallen face is heartbreaking.
That expression on your face completely debunks your claims at not liking the woman and Carol knows you only said it to convince yourself.
******
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mdramas · 3 years
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Extracurricular is like someone binged Breaking Bad then watched an episode of Law and Order SVU then said, "But what if he was actually sympathetic? What if his continued criminal activity in the context of the time frame and the narrative both made sense? What if the motive behind this criminal activity was not just sympathetic, but accurate: he needs to commit crime to earn enough to survive and attain the opportunities he requires so he will one day be able to survive without having to commit crime to do it, a very understandable and true to life perspective? What if he was allowed to be both a victim of classism and economic inequality, as well as blatantly profiting from systemic misogynistic practices and patterns, presented in such a way that makes him personally responsible for very visceral losses and traumas, partially due to his willful disregard for others for the sake of his and his own, partially due to his own unwillingness to confront the nature of these choices,, and partially due to his lack of experience and his underestimating of others who are in the same or similar positions as him?
What if his female LI whom people may be inclined to bash unnecessarily actually was responsible for a good amount of what goes wrong, not because she is a wife or a mother or a daughter whose demands, something to do with family, the home, or social expectations, hinder his capacity to be a proper full fledged criminal, but rather because she encourages him to choose crime and business and profit over human decency? And then what if it was actually crucial to her character arc rather than just a plot device to explain why the hero can't catch a break? In fact, what if her initially treating the situation like a game and making decisions without accounting for real people was significantly highlighted as a result of the elitist and classiest habit of simultaneously romanticizing the circumstances of the poor and cheapenjng the realities? What if she is constantly using her power and privilege to save him and save him and save him and what if he's resentful of that because it's both not an option for him and because walking away from him and this will always be an option for her? What if the ability of the rich to walk away from decisions that cost everyone else dearly was a major point of discussion and contention between them? What if she was allowed to be both spoiled and entitled and much deserving of criticism for it, as well as someone deprived of and deserving of unconditional love, who pretends and feels equally and sometimes simultaneously, who deserves to feel good at something she chose for herself but just can't seem to get the only thing she ever has chosen right?
What if everything that goes wrong never would've happened if both protagonists had parents who genuinely valued and loved their children intrinsically? What if everything does happen because two utterly and completely alone self-proclaimed independents who once, because of their pasts with their family, saw relationships as only predatory or parasitic but inherently built on imbalanced power and neglect, stumbled into positions of mutual need, which mutates through the series into a sickeningly unhealthy and codependent lifeline that is still emotionally healing both to them and the viewers if only because it is the first time that either of these two youths - these two kids, both abandoned and hopeless if in different ways - have ever been prioritized or even counted or even known, as people?
What if our victim was allowed to be a victim of circumstance and unfairly coerced and making her own choices? What if she was allowed to be both sympathetic in her attachment and loyalty to the one adult man she's been protected by rather than attacked by, but also in her anger and fear and disgust and her exhaustion? What if the man that loves her doesn't appreciate her, but what if really he does, and what if he doesn't know because he doesn't care, but he actually does because does care? What if they're just dating and it's not real - but it is - and she's hungry, so hungry and tired and needing something real and tangible and consistent and she latches onto this weird, mysterious, incomprehensible, silent old man who represents her pimp but speaks to her like she matters and like he cares what happens to her and he wants her to care about herself too, because both of her parents are dead and her boyfriend says he doesn't care, so why does he and what if he stops, what if he has no reason to try to convince her to care, what happens to her then?
What if the whole thing was this love story between two broken, desperate kids who found themselves only through each other, but the consequences of their prioritizing that love were real, palpable, and affected characters we not only followed, but were forced to confront first as the shallow background characters that are so common in stories that glorify violent crime, like the naive new sex worker and the oblivious asshole in her life, only to have their depths and layers unraveled before we are forced to watch them, fully realized people we now care about, pay the ultimate price for not even our protagonists' victory, but mere survival specifically with each other?
What if the whole point is that 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' isn't just about wishing you had what you lost? It's about never having been given something, never knowing it, and wanting so badly, so fiercely that it's debilitating. It's about getting a glimpse of what it might be like and going weak with yearning and all the while cursing yourself for even daring to speculate that it could be attainable because that distant, unacknowledged hope is sustaining you like an IV drip, prompting you like a park sign warning of wolves, but call your desires by name and the howling at your back and hunger in your gut never stops. It's about find someone else who has never had what you never had and suddenly you can give it to them and that gives it to you. It's about having all your life and having it ripped away, maybe because you didn't protect it, or maybe because someone else never had it and couldn't let you.
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