#whether its because time makes the story feel more fresh and easy to work on
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stealing my own tags for a post lol
my main thing is that the q&as make jonny's feeling on making a continuation pretty clear, but also art and money and time passing after a project so who knows
the '2' has thrown me through a bit of a loop but i still dont think theyre making a sequel? because it would be a Wild and very anticlimactic way to announce that sort of thing as just a decipherable clue.
if theyre making new content im banking on either post-eyeapocalypse what-the-girlfriends stuff for halloween (yay ghost hunters can now explore spooky houses without actually dangerous shit) or maybe a short alternate universe thing. like if they Did want something with jon or martin (they sure did bring him back for the teaser) or both it would have to be in one of the Other universes. my main sticking point is not wanting our jon or martin back, theyre fucked!! lol
but maybe in time ill eat my words because TMA (jumps in the air) 2!!! turns out to be something that in hindsight becomes so part of TMA that ill shake my past self for ever not wanting it. Big Shrug Emoji
would love more spooky creepypasta audio shit from jonny. love shortform horror, love his delivery. but also ive grown comfortable with a story i like being finished. time to wait two weeks and and be normal about it
#tma#the magnus archives#tma spoilers#do i think it's possible for jonny and everyone to make a good sequel. yes#they did in fact make what i can probably say at this point is My Favorite Thing#do sequels and continuations of good things often turn out bad. also yes#and theyve said previously that they had no real interest in making more#At The Same Time for many reasons people have gone back and decided to make more of a finished product#whether its because time makes the story feel more fresh and easy to work on#or because yknow. gotta make stuff to eat#hell they could make a true sequel and even knock it out of the park and make me eat my words!#/points at RQ/ do not ruin this for us
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Here’s just a little bit of fluff to get you through the weekend and the final piece to the story!
Yoongi X Female Reader. CEO/Arranged Marriage AU
Summary: You were selected to marry the wayward CEO/Billionaire/Heir, Min Yoongi. You went into it with an open mind and heart determined to try and make it work. Yoongi on the other hand had no intention of ever letting you in let alone allowing himself to fall in love with you. Slowly you start to associate the smell of cinnamon and vanilla with the feelings of hurt and sorrow.
Word count: 1,734
Warnings: (May get updated as chapters progress): Arranged marriage, cheating/infidelity, hints of smut (Probably won’t get very explicit but we’ll see how it goes), Sexual Assault, Brief mentions of death, Reader grew up an orphan, General Angst, Swearing
Tag list: @gimeow @kam9404 @viankiss @baechugff @gaby-93 @kayleefriedchicken @igot7fairlyoddparents @jalexad @drrookie
You were walking around the mall for what seemed like the hundredth time. Today was Yoongi’s birthday and you still hadn’t gotten him anything. Normally you were so on top of things like this, but you were stumped. What do you buy a billionaire who can already buy himself anything he wants? Just last week he bought a $35,000 Rolex just because he said the blue reminded him of your eyes. It was sweet, but like seriously?
You thought about jewelry, but you already knew his friends would get him new pieces since it was the easy way out. You stopped to look at the suits thinking maybe you’d get him a new one, but then you remembered how he’s the type of person that designers pay to wear their clothes resulting in him already having closets full of high end fashion. Jimin had already told you about the very expensive bottle of whiskey he had gotten him so that was out of the question.
You did purchase a brand new lingerie set though. It was mostly a purchase for you, but you knew that once he saw you in the lavender colored one piece that was more ribbon than actual fabric he’d end up loving it more than you.
You decided to do one more lap around the mall before you were going to give up and just put a big bow on top of your head and call it a day. Out of the corner of your eye something caught your attention. Smiling to yourself you knew it would be the perfect gift for your husband and you entered the store to make your purchase.
Once back at home Yoongi was nowhere to be seen, but you did find a note.
“Y/N, get dressed and meet me in the lobby at 6pm. Love Yoongi. PS, I know you bought some kind of lingerie so make sure you wear that too.”
You chuckled at how well he knew you, but you were confused as to whether it was his birthday or yours and why you were being given a surprise. You didn’t have long to get ready so you took a quick shower and put on some makeup in a hurry. You picked out a simple black dress that showed the slightest hint of the lavender lingerie you had on underneath. Yoongi would appreciate the tease. Grabbing the gift bag you headed down to the lobby just in time.
Yoongi was already waiting. “You look beautiful.”, he smiled before giving you a kiss. He then helped you into the back of a vehicle that quickly sped off to its destination.
“Where are we going?”, you asked after he didn’t give any explanation. “You’ll see.”, was all he said in return warning a suspicious glare from you.
The car pulled up to a luxurious looking building. Yoongi helped you out and walked you inside to the elevators where you realized you were in an apartment building. After going up several floors and walking down a long hallway he stopped infront of an ornate door and entered in the code.
You were confused to say the least. After your shoes and jackets were removed he finally gave you an explanation.
“I want to start fresh. That old penthouse has a lot of bad memories and I think it’s time we started creating new ones in a new place. So we’ll be moving here. It’s pretty empty right now, but you can furnish and decorate it however you want. I want it to feel like your home too. I really hope you like it. I can always buy a new one if you don’t, but these places sell fast so I didn’t have much time to really think.”
You smiled at the slight blush creeping up on his cheeks as he tried to gauge your reaction.
“I like that idea Yoongi. A new start sounds nice.”
He took your hand and led you out of the entrance way and into the main living area. It was slightly larger than your current residence and had an incredible view of the city. You were taking in the views when something in the corner of the room caught your eye and you couldn’t believe you hadn’t noticed it until now.
A grand piano surrounded by blue hydrangeas greeted you. Yoongi pulled you over to the bench sitting you down next to him. He handed you over a mug of warm milk causing you to chuckle, “Yoongi this is all so nice, but I think you forgot that it’s your birthday, not mine.”
“You’re right, it is my birthday and I decided to get myself a little present.”
You rested your head on his shoulder with your hands around his biceps feeling the muscle flex as his fingers began playing the keys. It was a beautiful melody that almost lulled you to sleep.
“I didn’t know you could play the piano.”
He smiled, “Well I am pretty good with my fingers.” You let out a dramatic sigh before resting your head back against his shoulder. You enjoyed listening to the melody for a while until Yoongi completely shocked you and started signing. Not talking, not rapping, but singing. The beautiful lyrics combined with his deep velvety voice making your eyes go wide in surprise.
As always you light me up
You are still like a fragrant flower
Believe in me now
Hold me again
So I can feel you
Give me an embrace
Without you, I can’t breathe
Without you, I’m nothing
I still can’t believe it
All of this seems like a dream
Don’t try to disappear
Is it true Is it true
You You
You’re so beautiful, that I’m scared
Untrue Untrue
You You You
Will you stay by my side
Will you promise me
If I touch (you), you’ll fly away and break
I’m scared scared scared of that
You looked at him in awe as he continued on. You never would have imagined that he could write something as beautifully as this.
When you say that you love me
I walk among the skies
Say that it’s forever
just one more time
When you say that you love me
I only need you to say that one thing
That nothing will change
just one more time
You are like the entire world to me
Yeah, even if I want to fly, I don’t have any wings but your hands become my wings
I want to try forgetting the things that are dark and lonelyTogether with you. Even though these wings sprouted from pain
They’re wings that face the light
Even if it’s hard and it hurts
If I can fly, I’m going to fly
Can you hold my hand
So that I won’t be afraid anymore?
Because if you and I are together
I can smile
The melody faded to nothing and Yoongi looked over at you with a shy smile.
“Soooo what do you think?”, he asked. You sniffled not even realizing that you had began crying, “I mean I’m pretty sure I asked for a rap song, but I guess this will do.”
You both chuckled before you wrapped your arms back around him, “It was really beautiful Yoongi. I love it and I love you.” You sat there for a moment taking in the moment. The warmth coming from his body thanks to his nervousness created a comforting feeling. You took in the scent of his new cologne. Something you two picked out together a couple weeks ago. Woodsy with a hint of sweetness and a subtle floral note. You fell in love with it as soon as you smelled it, but wanted to make sure he also liked it. It smelled refreshing and like a new beginning and you thought it was perfect.
After digging around in his pocket he pulled out a small black box holding it up for you to see. He flipped open the lid exposing a beautiful diamond ring. It was much smaller than your original ring, but knowing Yoongi you’re sure it was just as expensive if not more.
“I know you didn’t really like the old ring because of how extravagant it was so I picked out something new that I think you’ll like better and since we’re starting over I thought a new ring would be fitting any ways.”
“ I do love it. It’s more me.”, you chuckled.
“I’m sorry that it took me so long to realize that I loved you. You’re a strong beautiful woman who deserved the world and I’m going to do my best to give it to you. I promise. Y/N will you continue to stay married to me?”
You bit your lip failing to hide your smile, “I guess that sounds alright.”
He playfully rolled his eyes while slipping the ring on your finger and requesting a kiss that you happily obliged.
“Ooh wait I still have to give you your gift. It is YOUR birthday after all.”, you giggled before jumping up and running to grab the item from the entry way where it was left.
When you returned you handed him the gift bag smiling to yourself as you were excited for him to open it.
“I thought my gift was that lavender lace I see peaking out of your dress.”, he smirked.
“That’s for later. Open this one now.”
He pulled out the tissue paper before looking into the bag and doubling over with laughter.
“Seriously Y/N? Where did you find this?”, he asked pulling out the small stuffed animal in the form of a sheep. The personalized name tag reading as Petunia.
“I saw it at a children’s store in the mall and thought of you. You know since you are an aspiring sheep farmer and all.”
He hugged the stuffed animal close to his chest before leaning over and giving you a kiss, “Thank you. I love it.”
He stared down at the sheep for a moment before looking over at you wiggling his eyebrows, “You know Y/N, Petunia could also be a good name for a baby girl.”
Standing up and adjusting yourself to be straddling his lap you began leaving kiss after kiss along his jaw and neck.
“So is that a yes?”, he chuckled.
“It’s a maybe, but in the mean time I definitely wouldn’t mind getting some practice first.”
#bts#yoongi fanfic#yoongi x reader#cinnamon&vanilla#min yoongi#yoongi fic#yoongi x y/n#bts x reader#bts fanfic#yoongi au#yoongi fluff#bts fluff#yoongi#bts fic
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Meet the Writer
ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴍᴀᴅᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴘɪᴄᴋ ᴜᴘ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴜʀʀᴇɴᴛ ᴍᴜꜱᴇ(ꜱ) ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴀᴠᴇ?
(CANON MUSES) - i dunno man. i like 'em a little broken and a little fucked up. and a bit of a smartass with a soft heart under it all. that really applies to most my muses to some degree.
reno started out as my fresh start after leaving a pretty terrible stint in another fandom. he was easy to approach or to approach others. he was a blank slate enough that i could be creative with crafting a background and development while still having a basis to work from. there also weren't several variations of him over decades of ever changing content via movies and comicbooks to narrow down from. and now he's practically straddling that canon vs oc line for me. this version of him is mine and mine alone.
for sephiroth specifically, i'll be honest, i didn't really care too much about him for the longest time. mostly because he felt too empty and boring to me as a villain. so i didn't feel compelled to making up some background to fill in the gaps. then i played crisis core and that humanized him for me. but i still hesitated to actually write him. and then evercrisis came out with him as a teen. and just. i just think he's neat now.
(OCs) - aw man, i love ocs so much. i have such a penchant for creative overflow and end up making them in batches. (usually all related to a single story or universe) but i know they can be a hard sell if they aren't already aligned to a fandom. which is totally understandable!
i really have too many ocs that i'd love to write, especially in ff7 verses, but its hard to juggle them all. a few of them still have blogs, so maybe one day i can bully some people into writing with them. (:<
ɪꜱ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ ᴀɴʏᴛʜɪɴɢ ʏᴏᴜ ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴡʀɪᴛᴇ?
its not that i dislike writing anything in particular. on the contrary. i would love to write more questionable content. though i'd prefer to write these less savory themes with people i'm most comfortable with and understand that its just exploring things in writing and not some fucked up reflection of myself.
ɪꜱ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ ᴀɴʏᴛʜɪɴɢ ʏᴏᴜ ʀᴇᴀʟʟʏ ᴇɴᴊᴏʏ ᴡʀɪᴛɪɴɢ?
what i really love writing are moments where characters who don't know love or trust is open and vulnerable with someone. they're opening up and learning to really trust someone for the first time. they're showing the real person hidden within.
the actual moment or connection doesn't matter. it could be friends, lovers, enemies, or whatever.
tho i will admit that i do enjoy writing some raunchy smut from time to time.
ʜᴏᴡ ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴄᴏᴍᴇ ᴜᴘ ᴡɪᴛʜ ʜᴇᴀᴅᴄᴀɴᴏɴꜱ?
a lot of them start as mundane thoughts about whatever numdane thing i might be doing in that moment. cooking, cleaning, eating, whatever. then i wonder how that character would react in that same situation. then the thoughts and what-ifs only grow in complexity and depth. or more abstract and philosophical depending on mood and development.
ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡʀɪᴛᴇ ɪɴ ꜱɪʟᴇɴᴄᴇ ᴏʀ ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴘʟᴀʏ ᴍᴜꜱɪᴄ?
music is an absolute no. it gets me distracted. but i also can't do silence. to i meet in this weird middle where i que up a bunch of random videos on youtube into a playlist and let it play in the background. most of it is like, reddit comps read by some soothing voice. i don't have to actually think about what i'm listening to. sometimes i'll get real lucky and listen to some deep dive into a character i'm writing and it gets the thoughts flowing.
ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴘʟᴀɴ ʏᴏᴜʀ ʀᴇᴘʟɪᴇꜱ ᴏʀ ᴡɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴇᴍ?
its a little bit of both. a goal is in mind, whether its my goal or a shared goal with my partner, but its something to reach. however, the actual journey to that point doesn't matter. that gets winged to hell and back. even with a goal in mind it can and sometimes does change in the end. and i'm perfectly okay with that. i like seeing the trajectory change over time one post at a time.
ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴇɴᴊᴏʏ ꜱʜɪᴘᴘɪɴɢ?
very much so! both romantic and non. because shipping isn't just romance, but that deep connection between two characters. i try to not focus too much on romance, i swear. i enjoy ans strive to give my characters a variety of relationships.
ᴡʜᴀᴛ'ꜱ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴀʟɪᴀꜱ/ɴᴀᴍᴇ?
when i was new and young on the internet for the first and i was hot emo trash, i chose possibly one of the stupidest anime weeb ass handle i could. oni-sama666. and ever since then my nickname has been oni. the only exception is during my time playing ff14. those that know me from there first, or period, call me reno.
ᴀɢᴇ?
i might as well crumble into dust. age 31
ʙɪʀᴛʜᴅᴀʏ?
Sept 23rd
ꜰᴀᴠᴏʀɪᴛᴇ ᴄᴏʟᴏʀ(ꜱ)?
purple, preferably lighter shades like lavender and lilac
ꜰᴀᴠᴏʀɪᴛᴇ ꜱᴏɴɢ(ꜱ)?
ugh never make me choose. it changes literally every day. but a consistent favorite right now is savin' me by nickelback
ʟᴀꜱᴛ ᴍᴏᴠɪᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡᴀᴛᴄʜᴇᴅ?
a silent voice (eiga koe no katachi / the shape of voice). shit makes me bawl like a doddamn baby every time
ʟᴀꜱᴛ ꜱʜᴏᴡ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡᴀᴛᴄʜᴇᴅ?
the first two episodes of x-men 97. i'm super gay for gambit in a croptop.
ʟᴀꜱᴛ ꜱᴏɴɢ ʏᴏᴜ ʟɪꜱᴛᴇɴᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ?
wasted on you — morgan wallen
ꜰᴀᴠᴏʀɪᴛᴇ ꜰᴏᴏᴅ?
a am a slut for a good plate of spaghetti
ꜰᴀᴠᴏʀɪᴛᴇ ꜱᴇᴀꜱᴏɴ?
firstly, i want to state that i live down south in the states. our winters are incredibly mild. but i'll take our winters over all three summers we have.
ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴀ ᴛᴜᴍʙʟʀ ʙᴇꜱᴛ ꜰʀɪᴇɴᴅ?
i'm not as close as i'd like to be. i think very highly of many people here and want nothing more than to be the weird little monkey banging symbols in their dms. but i also don't want to be annoying! my little noggin is always so full of feelings and thoughts about both my muse and about other people's muses. but its so hard getting over my nervousness.
Tagged by: tagged MYSELF
Tagging: be gay. do crime. steal it.
#; ( ooc )#; ( munday meme )#since i missed out yesterday#long post#resisting urge to always readmore my ooc posts
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Hi missgryffin! Firstly I’m such a huge fan and avid reader of your works, especially ES which is an absolutely beautiful story! I know you’re taking some time rewriting etc to update to your current style and I obsess over every snippet haha. My question is, after publishing work how do you feel like a story is finished to your liking? I know I struggle with feeling like things I produce are ever properly finished and I can only assume rewrites on ES is such a massive undertaking, what prompted you to revisit the older chapters? Secondary to that, would you ever consider putting the old version up along with the new one? Obviously it’s your artistic choice and you’re rewriting for a reason but I personally would be so interested to read and compare the two, especially because I adore your snippets and it’s crazy to think you could upgrade a story I already love so much haha. I hope that’s not overstepping! I wouldn’t want to offend! Anyway, I love you’re writing and I hope you have a great day!
Hey! Ahh thank you so much!! 🥰 Under the cut for length 🫶
Oh this is such a good question and honestly there's no easy answer. In the short term, whether a chapter/story feels finished really is just a feeling. I've become more of a plotter over the years, so I am better about knowing what needs to happen to close the arcs of the story and have it feel resolved. (Or, if it's just a chapter, have it feel like it's propelling the story forwards.) Also, when I'm first starting a fic, I have a pretty good idea of the mood and imagery I'm wanting to evoke with that story. (And I love making moodboards for myself for this purpose.) So something I look for when I'm rereading what I've written is whether what I see when I read matches what I'd imagined in my head.
In the long term, I think a sense of completion comes from time. The wonderful thing about fic is that you can always update works if you catch a mistake or spot something you want to fix. (I usually find at least one small thing I could change every time I reread something of mine, lol.) But whether it's "finished to your liking" is really a measure of, when you reread it a year or two later, are you still happy with it? And where you're at in your writing journey (/how much your writing may have improved or changed over time) will bear on that.
For example, when I reread for the hope of it all earlier this summer, I found some typo mistakes and edited some phrasing here and there, but it really did feel like I was just doing a proofread with fresh eyes. The story itself felt complete; I didn't want to change a thing, and I was so proud reading it.
By contrast, when I reread Eternal Summer earlier this year, the document became unrecognizable from how much I marked it up. Once, that draft felt complete to me, but this time (two years later), I felt like I was reading an early draft I'd outgrown. For one, ES was written in past tense, and I've now been writing almost exclusively in present tense. For another, I felt like I'd crammed too much into my chapters, resulting in scenes feeling rushed or overlooked simply from the sheer volume of stuff happening. I wanted to tease certain things out more and pace things differently so that everything got its ~moment~. In the first go-around, I had veered significantly off my original outline as a reaction to reader feedback/pressure at the time, which resulted in me getting myself very, very stuck. This time, the experience of writing these characters for 2+ straight years allowed me to think about the plot and the character development more holistically. I have a better understanding of how to "show not tell" in terms of relevant backstory and Jily's respective head spaces. I took prior times where readers were confused into account, and I knew how I could address/resolve them in the new narrative. I still very much loved the ES world and the plot I'd created—and there were so many scenes I felt so proud of (and many I'd forgotten that I loved!) —but the overall feeling was, I can elevate this story. I can tell this better. Knowing I wanted to continue ES into the rest of their seventh year and beyond, I simply couldn't continue writing without addressing all these thoughts I had about it. (And believe me, I tried 😅)
As for whether I'd put up the old version with the new one…I haven't thought about it much, but my initial reaction is leaning no. Idk, I'm open to hearing thoughts on it, and it's a ways away anyway. I just don't want people getting confused by what's "true" and what's not anymore if they're looking at the old version.
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Fresh Crops! August 7 - August 13, 2023
This week's newest stories and chapter updates for Harvest Moon and Story of Seasons on AO3!
A Year in Forget-Me-Not Valley - by actaeoncross; WIP, 2/?, 2.5k
Rating: Not Rated; Archive Warning: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings; Categories: F/M, Other
Fandoms: A Wonderful Life
Relationships: Gustafa/Reader, Gustafa/ OC, Nami/Pony | Aya | Jill; Characters: Gustafa, Daryl
Additional Tags: Slice of Life
Summary: Unable to meet her family's high expectations, Alchemy is sent away from the City and cut off by her parents to live with her disowned cousin Daryl. Her parents and brother hope she’ll learn a lesson about why it is important to be successful after living in the valley. An easy-going musician has Al questioning whether he’s trying to help out of her shell or if there’s something more to his kindness.
Calluses - by Dinomilkshakes; Complete, 3/3, 3.4k
Rating: Explicit; Archive Warning: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings; Categories: F/M, Other
Fandoms: A Wonderful Life
Relationship: Rock/Reader; Characters: Rock, Reader, Nami, Ruby | Lou, Takakura
Additional Tags: **NOTE: Some tags have been removed to remain Safe For Tumblr. Please see AO3 for complete tag list** Creampie, Breeding Kink, Unrealistic Sex, because who cares its more fun to read that way, Mention of Sterilization, its important to the main story youll see why later, im allowed to be trans the way I wanna be if you wanna read it thats cool but dont judge me pls, Transgender, non-binary, Pregnancy, each chapter is going to have different stuff I think so its at your own discretion
Summary: Calluses is a Succession of Stones extra episodes booklet. In which the farmer marries Rock. And creates an alternate universe for every 'what-if' situation.
A Succession of Stones - by Dinomilkshakes; WIP, 6/10, 26k
Rating: Explicit; Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply; Categories: Other, F/M
Fandoms: A Wonderful Life
Relationship: Rock/Reader-Insert; Characters: Rock, Takakura, Vesta, Matthew, Cecilia, Ramona, Sebastian, Ruby | Lou, Tei
Additional Tags: **NOTE: Some tags have been removed to remain Safe For Tumblr. Please see AO3 for complete tag list** Blood, unemployment, Reader is Non-Binary and Trans, And likes to dye their hair. so sue me, Romance, Yes I'm sorry it's Rock I have brainrot, there will be children later. its A Wonderful Life so expect it, Friends to Lovers, Childhood Sweethearts, Childhood Friends, they/them pronouns, Creampie, Breeding Kink, Everytime I update the preview it changes chapter 2 into chapter 1 so I'm sick of that
Summary: In which the farmer marries Rock. “My hands are calloused so that his won’t need to be.” - Shakespeare, probably. Living in the big city takes a turn for the worse as you lose your job! SO you make the move to the Forgotten Valley where you used to spend your youthful summers. Awesome. One of your childhood sweethearts still lives there- but this fucking guy won’t leave you alone! You can’t seem to get away. Bygone are the days of sitting alone in your apartment, whiling away the time. Unfortunately, you become fond of him- on days where he’s gone it feels like somethings missing. But who is this bum who won’t leave you alone, and why do you never see him working!? And could you possibly put up with him for the rest of your life..? In which we examine a situation in which the farmer has no other choice but to marry Rock, because the situation calls for it.
Stone Butch, High Femme - by Whybe123; WIP, 7/13, 20k
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences; Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply; Category: F/F
Fandoms: A Wonderful Life
Relationship: Muffy | Muumuu/Nami; Characters: Muffy, Nami, Molly, Lumina
Additional Tags: Drabbles, One-Shots, Sapphic, I'll revive the harvest moon fandom myself if i have to, and im going to make it gay if i do it, Lesbians, wlw, Mutual Pining, Mild Angst, hurt comfort, Small Towns, Dating, Fluff, ALL THE FLUFF
Summary: In light of Harvest Moon: A Wonderful Life getting a remaster, I was faced with an obvious task; I gotta make this gayer. Enjoy the following disjointed collection of Muffy/Molly and Nami clumsily falling in love in that sleepy little valley we all came to love.
Tumblr Posts for A Wonderful Life Characters - by actaeoncross; WIP, 13/?, 16k
Rating: Not Rated; Archive Warning: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings; Categories: F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi
Fandoms: A Wonderful Life
Relationship: Multiple Characters x Reader; Characters: Celia | Seperia, Cody | Gordy, Daryl, Flora, Gustafa, Lumina, Marlin | Mash, Matthew, Molly | Muffy, Nami, Rock, Reader
Summary: A collection of Tumblr posts for A Wonderful Life Characters x Reader prompts. The blog is an offshoot of my main and should be found under AWL Imagines.
Lady Of Grasstrail Farms - by FromADenOfBeasts; WIP, 43/?, 55k
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences; Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply; Category: F/M
Fandoms: Pioneers of Olive Town
Relationship: Female Farmer/Lars; Characters: Female Farmer, Lars, Laura, Angela, Clemens, Damon, Jack, Emilio, Reina, Victor, Gloria, Simon, Jesse
Additional Tags: My First AO3 Post, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Slow Burn, Fluff and Angst, Supportive Big Brother, honestly the best big brother ever, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Domestic Fluff, Wish Fulfillment, Mysterious Origins, Childbirth
Summary: A young woman named Vallon quits her job and follows her heart to Olive Town, where her family has roots deeper than she ever thought. Now she has to contend with new neighbors, ancient magic, and getting the hang of farming a wild land. Can she cope on her own, or can she at least find someone to share it with?
I Love You, I Truly Mean It - by rainbowcoral; Complete, 2/2, 4.5k
Rating: General Audiences; Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply; Category: F/F
Fandoms: Trio of Towns
Relationships: Female Farmer/Lisette; Characters: Female Farmer, Lisette
Additional Tags: Love Confessions, LGBTQ Female Character, Declarations Of Love, First Love, Romance, Sweet, Healthy Relationships, Love
Summary: Holly doesn't love Lisette as a friend. She loves her, but she loves her romantically. Lisette loves fairy tales, and she wants to be loved as if she were a princess. To Lisette's surprise, Holly loves to listen to her talk about fairy tales.
Tempest - by HouraiTeahouse; Complete, 1/1, <1k
Rating: General Audiences; Archive Warning: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings; Category: Gen
Fandom: Trio of Towns
Character: Kasumi
Additional Tags: This is not apologism, Pre-Canon, Relatives to Enemies
Summary: Kasumi loves her father.
#fresh crop monday#harvest moon#story of seasons#a wonderful life#trio of towns#pioneers of olive town
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STRAY - REVIEW ROUNDUP!
Here at TGC we can often gauge how successful a game will be by the volume of customers that ask when it’s going up for pre-order! Well, with this third-person (feline) adventure developed by BlueTwelve Studio and published by Annapurna Interactive being one of the most requested games this year, we feel like the cat’s already out of the bag...
Now that the game has launched digitally, we’re here to drop reviews from the most reputable in the business and confirm to you that pre-ordering with us physically means you’re the cat that gets the cream!
* Spoiler * There’s plenty of reasons to Stray...
GamesRadar - 4.5/5
“Regardless of whether you're a cat lover, or just fancy a brilliant little platformer to sink into, then Stray is an excellent romp. Yes, it does help if you're a cat lover because it is so beautifully animated and captures the cat's personality so perfectly, but there's so much to love here. Between the alluring semi-post-apocalyptic story, the dense, atmospheric world, and the cast of quirky characters that inhabit it, BlueTwelve Studio has created a fantastic experience here. Stray is the perfect game to make everybody want to be a cat this summer.”
Read the full review here.
Eurogamer - Recommended
“Stray creates a journey filled with such a sense of exploration, on top of the chance to indulge in as much cat-truction as you like. While doing so, though, it also crafts a touching story about the human desires of those who, at a glance, lack humanity - be it to reunite with a loved one, protect a community or reach the outside world. The result is a wonderful mix: a game about the longing for freedom, clever climbing mechanics, and every cat’s eternal desire to knock items off shelves.”
Read the full review here.
Destructoid - 9/10
“Stray isn’t just a good time for cat lovers, it’s a good video game, period. A great one, even.The unassuming protagonist — a normal cat in a not-so-normal sci-fi world in which humans are long gone — is the star of the show. But the game’s surprisingly endearing robot companions, and strange, decaying yet vibrant city they inhabit, are also high points. I didn’t expect the setting to draw me in and capture my imagination this much.If you like the sound of a puzzle-adventure game that rewards curiosity and stays fresh the whole way through with a wonderfully fleshed-out world, you’ve gotta play Stray.”
Read the full review here.
GAMINGbible - 9/10
“We can all rest easy, then: Stray is stunning, creative, funny, and filled with moments that genuinely made my jaw drop. Whether you adore cats, or have some fundamental piece of your soul missing and don’t really care about them either way, this game is the real deal. It might be a little on the short side, but I was never anything less than utterly captivated and thoroughly entertained during the entire adventure. And really, what more could you want from a video game in these trying times?”
Read the full review here.
IGN - 8/10
“Stray is a delightful adventure in a dark but endearingly hopeful cyberpunk world, and that’s thanks in no small part to the fact that you are playing as an adorable cat the whole time. Its mix of simple platforming and puzzles with item-hunting quests is balanced very well across the roughly five-hour story – and though I wished my movement was a little more nimble during that time, I still loved hopping across rooftops and scampering through back alleys to find its well-hidden secrets.”
Read the full review here.
Polygon - Recommends
“Every small detail in Stray was a reminder of my finite time with both my on-and off-screen companions; once the game was over, I reached out to Oni (reviewer’s cat), full of gooey feelings, and as expected, he yelled at me and ran off. BlueTwelve knew exactly what it was doing, spending so much time and care modeling real cat movements and behavior, but having a real cat at hand was a fitting jolt back to reality. Stray is truly (and perhaps fittingly) the work of sly cat people. And for this reason alone, it’s a triumph.”
Read the full review here.
When all is said and done, we think this paw-some adventure lands gracefully on its feet and stakes a sneaky claim for GOTY! After all, the Aristocats said it best...
“EVERYBODY! EVERYBODY WANTS TO BE A CAT!”
Pre-order Stray’s physical release on PS5 with us right here at The Game Collection!
#stray#ps5#review roundup#review scores#playstation 5#polygon#ign#GamesRadar#gamingbible#destructoid#eurogamer#gaming news#video games#blogs for gamers#gamers of tumblr#stray game#bluetwelve studio#annapurna interactive#thegamecollection#TGC
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i'm not really into ships so your blog is a breathe of fresh air because it doesn’t seem like you are bias to one ship or another. i don’t think there will be much to do with plots this season it’s only 2 weeks of camp so there’s not time for development but my theories still stand on some situations. personally, i don’t see a future between ej and gina, their plot was written to end and to keep ej for a while too. i think they’ll break up by the end of the season but not for the reason so many people think. lily and ricky never had a future, it was written for drama. i saw lily as a potential sharpay and if you read tim ferdele's interviews his propose with lily was to create chaos. now with lily being a guest role i just see her either appearing on episode 1 and never address much about her again or by the end to add more drama to the plot because ricky and gina won’t happen this season but they will eventually. gina and ricky and their unresolved romance is going to be touched again, but they won’t have any significant development because it’s impossible with a plot that takes just 2 weeks but there will be enough to save it for season 4. tim ferdele clearly likes this ship and with nini out of the question and with a plot that doesn’t involve ricky, it’s inevitable. i agree with you about val and ej having a little hint to a possible romance but their scenes won’t be romantic. he'll probably apply to her college and that’s enough to head canon a situation between them. redlyn and seblos will remain too and since they won’t be at camp i don’t see much happening with that, and i have this theory that the bisexuality story line might be for ashlyn. its not maddox because her having a girlfriend has been spoiled on the trailer already so seems unlikely.
hi anon! thanks so much for the ask! i'm lowkey so excited rn for the new season, but trying to keep the hype while we wait can be rough so i love to keep talking about the show and such.
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first of all, thank you so so much for your kind words, that's really lovely to hear that you feel that way. i honestly just- haven't been all that obsessed with any ship on this show since rini so- it's easy to just like... not care so much? i have reasons i'm not super into either ship gina has rn, and that's okay, i can still be here with vibes bc i still enjoy the show and want to see how things play out. i just- i don't care enough about either to be super over the top fighting for either. this means i can kinda just sit here and watch and talk about things.
--
as for camp being too short for any real plotlines... idk if i'd say they can't do anything this season development wise, like we know ej's like- becoming something else? according to matt's story... so whatever that means he's getting character development of some sort? but there's not much room for super detailed situations to go down because everything becomes higher stakes when it has to be resolved in less than two weeks?
like if someone (or some combination of someones) has a conflict it either has to be something that was already set up by the finale / season 2 in general, something that can be created and dealt with quickly (whether that be by actually working out the issue and fixing it, brushing it off and avoiding it, or cutting the cord on whatever's causing it instead of fixing it), or it becomes something that's somewhat of a cliffhanger for season 4 to deal with. reminds me of what i said a while ago in a way- something along the lines of 'it's not just a matter of what they CAN work through- sometimes it's a matter of what they choose to'... i stand by that comment, even beyond its initial application.
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i think your point about ej and gina not having much of a future is entirely fair to say, given there are plenty of reasons that would make it easier to break them up than to keep them together, ones that don't involve ricky, and if the show splits them this season, it'll almost definitely be one of those as far as i'm concerned. it's just easier on everyone's respective development that way. there are ways to keep them together... but if they are together come season 4, the show needs to be very careful how they balance the fact that ej's going to be in college, and i think the show is probably pretty aware of that. (and if they're not... they should be, the him being a counselor/her director thing already gives me sorta weird vibes if i'm honest)
lily and ricky is something that was- for sure... a placeholder of sorts (for the show and ricky), and lily (in her place as the front of the north high plotline) was largely a source of drama for the wildcats for sure. given how booked ork was during filming, i don't know if we can say for sure lily was always going to be brushed off in a single episode, given how much more drama and 'chaos' as tim would say, she could've added at camp (and for me- i do think she could've helped ricky be ready for the real thing again... but that's a separate conversation). also the sharpay parallel is valid, but for me i'd always consider her more of a tiara gold than a sharpay haha. i'd agree on it either being 301 or 308, i'd love both just bc i think an appearance in 308 could be even more drama- given as you say, the place ricky and gina may be at the end of season 3...
--
with nini out of the question as a love interest for ricky- i will agree ricky and gina's rekindling has become wayyyy more of a solid possibility in the very near future. it's not really solidifying this season given the timing i agree, but i think there's room in the two weeks for them to stabilize their friendship, and for inklings to potentially arise of that history between them that's not been shut out entirely, even if gina did try to put that wall up with him prior. what happens from there... is up to gina, really. because she's the one who's dating someone rn.
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i think val and ej going to the same college is truly the easiest thing if they want to make some sort of hint at something potentially happening, like you say. it's not hard... and really, ej doesn't know what his plans are rn (as far as we know). he could easily choose to go where she's going, it would certainly be nice to have a friend (a long term best friend type of friend at that) in his new environment where he may not know anyone. this is the guy who's learned to let people in more to his true self after all... care more about people than his image and his perception of popularity via the social media stuff (btw what happened to that social media part of his arc in season 2? he asked lily for a tag in the picture in 302 then that was it...)
--
i 100% agree that redlyn and seblos are probably pretty safe, seblos is a ship i think will ALWAYS be secure, given their status as presently the only real lgbtqia+ rep on the show... so- y'know. they won't exactly take that away. and big red's only being in one episode doesn't give much room to like- rip them apart if we only get ashlyn's side of things. and with red probably coming back for season 4 with full series regular status, if they're going to break up for whatever reason, why would they break them up this way when we don't get to see both ends of the conflict whatever that conflict is.
also re ashlyn getting the bisexual arc- agreed. she seems like an incredibly strong candidate for it. i'd love to see that go down, and like you say- maddox would be too obvious given we see her and her girlfriend madison together. my expectation is maybe maddox helps ashlyn realize she's bi if ashlyn is the character with the bisexual arc.
#hsmtmts#hsmtmts: speculation#answered#anonymous#//this was a nice long one and i love the long ones#portwell negative#//like- this doesn't lend towards positives for them anyway
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The Top 12 Steam Winners from 2021 That You Need to Check Out
<h1>The Winners of the 2021 Steam Awards</h1>
<p>The Steam community recently announced the winners of the 2021 Steam Awards. These awards honor the best PC games available on Steam each year. Resident Evil Village won Game of the Year.</p>
<h2>Game of the Year: Resident Evil Village</h2>
<p>The judges loved this survival horror game. They said it might be because of how scary and realistic it feels. Or maybe because of the great story and characters. The game designers did an amazing job making everything look and feel perfect. They also liked how you can play against your friends online. No matter the reason, Resident Evil Village has become one of the classics of 2021.</p>
<h2>Best VR Game: Cooking Simulator VR</h2>
<p>The judges chose Cooking Simulator VR as the best virtual reality (VR) game. They said it takes VR to another level. In real life, you can only cook in your kitchen. But in VR, you feel like you're really there cooking. It uses the VR technology well to make you feel like you stepped into the game.</p>
<h2>Labor of Love: Terraria</h2>
<p>Terraria has been out for many years but the developers still add new content all the time. They keep fans happy and satisfied even after all this time. The judges called them "excellent parents" because they nurture their game like parents nurture their children. Terraria remains popular because of how much care the developers still put into it.</p>
<h2>Better with Friends: It Takes Two</h2>
<p>This game is way more fun to play with another person than by yourself. You really need to work together with your friend to solve problems and beat challenges. Whether you're helping each other out or messing with your friend, this co-op game brings people together and makes them laugh.</p>
<h2>Outstanding Visual Style: Forza Horizon 5</h2>
<p>The judges admired how Forza Horizon 5 looks amazing but in its own unique way rather than just trying to be realistic. It has a really cool visual "flair" that makes the whole game feel stylish and consistent. They focused more on making the game consistently beautiful than on realism alone.</p>
<h2>Most Innovative Gameplay: Deathloop</h2>
<p>Deathloop tries new and creative things that you don't see in other games. It surprises players with cool new ideas and mechanics. The game designers think outside the box, which keeps Deathloop fresh and exciting. They use innovations to deliver a very enjoyable experience.</p>
<h2>"Hardest But We Keep Coming Back": Nioh 2: The Complete Edition</h2>
<p>Nioh 2 is ridiculously tough but also extremely rewarding when you overcome challenges. It tests your determination instead of just letting anyone finish it. Many called it their most difficult but beloved game. You have to earn your victories in Nioh 2.</p>
<h2>Best Soundtrack: Marvel's Guardians of the Galaxy</h2>
<p>The music in Marvel's Guardians of the Galaxy enhances the fun and emotion of the game. It deserves praise for how much it adds to the experience. The judges called the soundtrack simply "OST at its finest!"</p>
<h2>Outstanding Storytelling: Cyberpunk 2077</h2>
<p>Cyberpunk 2077 tells a hugely complex and captivating story on par with top TV shows and movies. It pulls you deep into its futuristic world and keeps you immersed with constant twists and turns. The game pulls off rich storytelling remarkably well.</p>
<h2>Most Chill Game: Farming Simulator 22</h2>
<p>After busy days, Farming Simulator 22 provides a relaxing escape. It's easy to just pick up and play without stress. You get lost in the peaceful virtual countryside. The judges said this game "brings moments of zen" when you need to unwind.</p>
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Boca Woods Country Club
A Comfortable Fit at Boca Woods Country Club
The Boca Woods Country Club story begins from the ground up. Well, at least from the feet up.
Club Board President Dustin Whisenhunt puts it in these words:
“This community (founded in 1981) has undergone tremendous change in the past several years. Boca Woods has gone from being a sleepy little club that was like your favorite pair of shoes. Sure, they were a little worn and not the latest style, but they were comfortable as heck.’’
These are new times, however, and Boca Woods has emerged in the past five years with a modernized facility, rapid member turnover, higher dues structure, new personnel, and a soon-to-be-renovated Woods golf course.’
To be sure, Boca Woods’ hospitality and service still make it feel like a pair of comfortable shoes, but all shined up and with fresh laces.
“This change has been welcomed by many of us,’’ Whisenhunt said, “but we must acknowledge that it’s not easy for everyone.’’
Change rarely is easy, whether it’s a new pair of shoes (regardless of how comfortable) or a renovated golf course. And change at a storied South Florida private club community such as Boca Woods brings even more challenges. However, those challenges have been met head-on by General Manager/COO David Sweet and his team, including Director of Golf Jeff Gullett and Membership/Marketing Director Adria Worthington.
Sweet arrived at Boca Woods in 2016. Over those years, one overriding goal has developed for his team: Change Boca Woods’ volunteer leadership culture from operations-focused to more along the lines of planning and governance.
Boca Woods Country Club welcomes members to an upscale and active lifestyle.
“Part of that was reinvestment and allowing managers to focus on the operation,’’ Sweet said. “We’ve spent a lot of time and energy rebuilding trust with the membership, developing a staff, and correcting some things.’’
Among the more significant initiatives, the Boca Woods team has pushed through a previously rejected (four times) enhancement plan that included everything from installing the Club’s signature Rolex clock to a full kitchen renovation and expanding the sports and fitness center to two stories.
“Last year, we spent $2.1 million in capital replacement without requiring any assessment from the members,’’ Sweet said.
A demographic study of the past five years at Boca Woods, Sweet said, shows that the average age of a club member has dropped by seven years. The average age of a person moving into the 645-home community now is 53 years.
“We’re getting people moving in who are in the late 30s and 40s,’’ Sweet said. “The family dynamic has changed over the past five years. Five years ago, we had seven or eight kids in the community. Today, we have more than 100 kids who are 15 years and under.’’
To help better serve (and attract) that younger demographic, Boca Woods, according to Sweet, is investing $200,000 into a racquet sports facility, expanding its pickleball courts, and adding two pavilions. Next year’s tentative enhancements will include a proposal for Toptracer range technology.
Rees Jones’ renovation of the Woods course (6,647 yards, par 72) has already received member approval. The course, originally designed by Joe Lee, is expected to begin renovation work in March 2024. The Lakes course (6,816, par 72), designed by Karl Litten, will remain open.
“Most of the greens we have now are elevated,’’ Gullett said of the Woods course. “Rees will build six medium-height greens and six higher greens. He’ll also pull back some tees to make the course play as long as 7,000 yards and put in some ‘family’ tees that basically will create a par-3 course inside the big course.
“He (Jones) almost had a blank canvas because the corridors within Boca Woods are pretty wide. So he can rearrange some holes, move them closer or farther to the water, and replant some trees. Just give it a different look.’’
The renovation, Sweet said, “Gives us a chance to shore up the course for the modern game and at the same time add some cool features, like adding tees for more equitable shot distribution.’’
Equitable distribution, by the way, goes beyond the fairways and greens.
“We are sort of a rare model of the club in that we have a small membership (approximately 530 golf members) and two golf courses. So that works to our benefit.’’
Sort of like that comfortable pair of shoes.
Photos Courtesy of Boca Woods Country Club
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To be a human - Scaramouche x reader - Part 4
You knew committing to a relationship with Scaramouche would be no easy task but you loved him dearly and unlike others, you believed he wasn't evil. But as a mortal and the devoted protector of your village you were too much of a good person, too much of a human compared to him and your differences slowly start to show.
Previous: Part 3 Next: Part 5
Length: ~1000 words
Trigger warnings: yelling
A.n.: Sorry I was a little late with this. But as a compensation it's really long! Here ya go, have some angst
You have been walking around in circles for almost twenty minutes in the kitchen when you finally decided you needed some fresh air.
You grabbed your spear - which was an essential to have even in times like this - and ran out of your home.
The house you lived in was built on a cliff so you could see everyone and everything well. Qingce with all of its beauty and treasures laid in front of you.
The first thing you noticed when you stepped out was the lack of agents.
The fatui has left the village.
Sudden pain stabbed into your heart. Before this all you felt was anger and confusion, but now... it's become official and somehow clearer too.
'What have I done?'
You covered your lips after these words tumbled out of your mouth. You desperately looked around, trying to find someone, trying to find a little shilouette with a ridiculous, huge hat...
But he was gone.
The only people standing around were the people of Qingce village. They tried to pretend they were just working or talking with each other but you could see them taking quick glances of you.
Finally one of them, an elderly, sick man you helped out multiple times looked directly up then started approaching your house.
You took a step back and realised you didn't want to talk to anyone at that moment. It didn't matter whether he wanted to thank you or ask what happened. You wanted and needed to be alone.
As rude as it may have been, you turned around and started walking in the opposite direction. Towards the huge mountains.
You escaped into the forest. Your steps became faster and faster - and suddenly you were running.
Loud gasping echoed in your head. Your hands were shaking, not being able to grab anything properly. A wet, itchy layer blurred your vision as you stumbled through bushes and rocks.
It was a miracle that you got up on the mountain in one piece. You didn't even know how you did it - in one moment you were still climbing and in the next you were standing on the cliff, looking down and being dazed by the height.
You came to this spot on days when you had nothing to do. You liked to write letters, sharpen your spear and most importantly, think everything through here.
For a minute, you were just standing there still, breathing in and out the chilly, fresh mountain air. The rough wind blew through your hair, lifting then letting it go. It fell down and covered your face. You slowly rose your hand and fixed it, staring into the distance.
The sun has reached the top of the sky. But it was still cold around you.
You had hoped the cool weather would be able to clear your mind but it helped nothing. Instead, it made you feel like you were breathing in nothing - like there was no oxygen in your chest at all.
You were suffocating.
Your lips opened to gasp for air but it felt like you were still drowning. Your legs started shaking and you immediately fell on your knees. This broke an invisible gate. Tears started streaming down your face.
He left...
Oh, how much you suddenly regretted your harsh, angry words. You could've just talked it out, you could've just explained it to him calmly...
But would he have really understood?
Loud screech as you clenched your teeth. You did everything to hold back the tears, but it was too late now, you had lost. You sobbed desperately, painfully, alone, in an abandoned top of mountain.
*
Scaramouche loudly slammed his hands on the table and there was no mercy in his ice-like eyes as he stared at the agents in front of him.
'How many times do I have to say this?! Don't start fights the Millelith! We already have diplomatic issues with Liuye Harbour because of that damn incompetent Tartaglia!'
'Apologies, my lord' a pyro agent bowed in front of him while the mirror maiden followed his example. 'We thought...'
'I couldn't care less about what you think' Scaramouche cut in enraged. 'Just follow your orders or I'll make sure you won't ever see the sun coming up again!'
Deep silence followed his words in the tent.
Scaramouche tossed his hat back to glare up at the agents. But they didn't dare look at him. They were always wary of the harbinger who was probably the most powerful and surely the most unpredictable among the Tsaritsa's followers. It wasn't hard to notice how angry he was that day as well.
The cicin mages in the camp were sure it was because of that Liuye girl but most of the agents refused to believe that. It seemed impossible that he would be so upset about splitting up with a mere mortal like you.
Scaramouche let out a deep sigh and closed his eyes for a moment to rest and think a little. He stood there silently with crossed arms and wrinkled brows.
The Millelith. A pain in the neck. How could they possibly avoid them while taking advantage of the small villages around Liuye? Villages who don't have protectors should be an easy prey...
He didn't even realise what a dangerous direction his thoughts were going. He just found himself thinking about you all of a sudden.
This was the hundredth time this day.
It's been almost a day since he turned his back on Qingce. He left the village without looking back, thinking he was free again and that he would be able to finally focus on his work.
But why were you still turning up in his thoughts over and over again? Why did he feel a constant knot in his throat? It didn't loosen, even when he yelled or coughed. He tried both multiple times.
He felt impatient. His body ached to move on, his mind tried to make big plans for the future...
But something in him still didn't want to think about anything or anyone other than you.
This was so stupid.
So unnecessary.
When did stupid humans become so important to him? He killed them off with handing out delusions not so long ago without any hesitation. It was the right thing to do. He never doubted that. Not even for a second.
You were so stupid to say otherwise! Why did you say otherwise?
For a weak moment, he tried to think from your perspective but even then, he understood nothing. All he could think of was that you were just crazy.
Humans deserve nothing. They born, they live so their superiors can make use of them.
You were no exception, he decided. It was ridiculous of him to even think you could be more than just a tool to him.
Why did he even start seeing you?
Memories started to emerge and they invaded his mind in a blink of an eye. And suddenly that weird feeling around his stomach started to strengthen again.
He remembered your smile, the playful and incredibly disrespectful way you greeted him when you two first met. He was out on a quest, alone but still recognisable. You knew he was a harbinger yet you acted like he was a regular mortal.
He hated Liuye. He got lost on his first day in the mountains and who knows what might have happened if you didn't run into him on your way back home.
After making fun of the fatui and its "clumsy" harbingers you offered to be his guide and that had to accepted even though he couldn't stand you at all. You were teasing him all the time, never taking him seriously. And most unforgivable of all, you messed around with his hat.
On the first day, he absolutely despised you.
On the second day, after you have dealt with multiple treasure hoarders without any of his help, he had to admit you were a pretty good fighter.
He was in denial on the third day. You picked violetgrass for him and put them in his pockets, claiming that they suited the boy. He threw them away in a second, getting ready to face your anger. Instead, he was shocked to see you laugh it off. You had... a not so horrible laugh.
Fourth day. Your smile was not that terrible either, he realised.
Day five was the day he saved your life. You were cllimging a mountain together when you saw a Qingxin and reached out to grab it.
He caught you by the arm in the last second. Called you stupid but couldn't hide his blush when you rewarded him with the beautiful, pale white flower.
Then the quest came to an end and he went back home.
Only a month or two have passed when the harbinger came back. He went directly to your door to tell you he will be seeing you. It was not a regular ask - he literally ordered you to go out with him.
No one could tell who was more surprised when you still said agreed to it.
You two were an odd, hard to manage couple but a powerful one.
You could've been happy.
Why does it... hurt so much?
'She's just a stupid human' Scaramouche told himself. The thousandth time that day. 'Completely... replacable.'
These were the words you were the most hurt about. But he tried not to care any more and repeated it to himself.
'Replacable.'
'My lord!'
Scaramouche flinched and looked up as if he had been dreaming all along.
He realised he had been standing there the whole time thinking about you while the agents did not leave yet.
'What is it?' He grunted loudly and all of his weird, almost sad feelings got replaced by anger again. 'What do you want?'
'Your order to stay away from the Millelith' the mirror maiden dared to speak. 'Does it apply to the Abbys as well?'
'The Abbys?' Scaramouche frowned. 'What business do we have with them?'
'It's just that we've recently stumbled upon them multiple times on our quests' she started to explain but the harbinger wasn't patient enough to listen to the whole story.
'Hurry up.'
'Yes, my lord.' The mirror maiden hesitated for a moment but when the pyro agent nodded to her she continued. 'We just think that they might about to target villages next.'
'What are you talking about?' Scaramouche growled at her. He couldn't stand still any more so he started walking around in the small tent.
'The Abbys gathered a lot of hilichurls and monsters together lately. We suspect they might attack a bigger village or town.'
Scaramouche stopped as if he got frozen in his place. The maiden continued to explain what kind of disadvantage that might be for them but he heard nothing of that.
He turned around slowly, barely being able to move his own body.
'What... places will they attack?' He asked in a hoarse voice.
'We can't be sure' the pyro agent answered. 'But Mingyun village is a possibility. And... Qingce probably as well.'
Scaramouche stared at the ground.
So many emotions. Most of them he couldn't even name since he has never felt them. The only familiar ones were anger, confusion... and fear.
Deep, overwhelming, terrible fear. It started in his stomach and slowly reached out to grab his throat with its icy fingers.
He opened his mouth but at first no understandable words left his lips.
'My lord...?'
'Get ready' he finally found his voice.
Scaramouche turned his back to them so he could hide the fact he was shaking. Something terrible froze everything inside him but the fire lighting up his eyes was burning hot when he said:
'We're going back to Qingce.'
#fun fact#Im sitting in the school restroom editing this#i stayed up all night to write and now Im horribly tired#and i have a long day#so please please go and comment if you liked this part or not and tell me about it#comments make my day#help and cheer up a sad little girl#cloudenthusiast#genshin impact#scaramouche genshin#genshin#genshin x reader#scaramouche angst#scaramouche#scaramouche x reader
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[18+] Deranged Love - Hanma Shuji x F!Reader - Part 1
[Probably contains spoilers from the anime and the manga] [She/Her pronouns used for the reader, no physical description; Everyone is +18]
Words: 9403
Archive of our own
Warnings : Explicit! / Blood / Injuries / Guns / Bruises / Choking / Blood / Graphic depiction of violence / Killing / Murder / Crying / Trauma /
Summary : Wrong place, wrong guy. Wrong in so many fucking ways it only made the attraction more sick and twisted...Yet I wanted more of him and would end up doing anything for him, with him.
If you feel like I should add more warnings, send me a dm or and ask, I'd rather be safe than sorry
- - -
Routine.
This would be how I would describe my way of life, a routine. I liked it like that, it was safe, comfortable and I was sure of what would happen. Far from me the idea of only doing the same things over and over again, I would sometimes go out with my friends or see a movie—doing things on a whim was not off the table. But I liked knowing what I was signing up for. Surprises, however, never were a thing I enjoyed—seeing my friends in my house when all I wanted was to relax after work was something dreadful and annoying to no end. I would pull through and be a good host, nonetheless, making sure everything was enjoyable, but I would be drained by the end of their stay.
Perhaps that need for reassurance, for a safety net, was the reason why I never truly took an artistic path or even considered any artistic career. It was too free, too unpredictable, too risky. Never could I have imagined myself doing such a thing; those who did were in my eyes the boldest and I admired them greatly for following their dream, but I was not bold, I preferred the solace of a job I knew would always bring me money. A simple 9 to 5 job was fulfilling enough for me; for some it was not, but I enjoyed it. It was something I could do and found relaxing to do, even when there was more rush. It just made sense to me.
There was not much thrill in this job. The people were nice enough; the clients were a bit bitter from time to time, depending on whether the job we had done was in their favor or not. Some of my colleagues would tell me crazy stories about some firms they had worked on or with and I would have a hard time believing it, but perhaps it was because different departments would deal with different types of clients. I had simple people: homeowners, tax payers, easy stuff. I liked it.
Now, even if I was keen on this routine that I had of going to my job, using the same transports, the same paths, headphones in to ignore the people around, I knew when following that same path would bring me trouble. I knew when to break that routine even just a little bit.
Tonight was one of those rare occasions. As I walked back home from work after having had to stay one more hour to help my colleague Darren fix his mistake—I made sure to tell him he owed me for helping him this late—I saw a group of men surrounding someone on the street. With one glance around, the entire street was empty except for those seven men and their victim. The usually crowded place was completely deserted and as I wondered how it could have happened, I noticed bikes at the end of the road blocking any possible traffic. It did not take a genius to know this was something far above me, there was no way I would interfere with that. Turning around, I made sure my steps were less heavy, less determined and started walking back. I did not have time to think I was going to get out of there safely when I heard, “Miss! Call the police-“. A thud sound, followed by a pained moan reached my ear.
When I dared look over my shoulder, I saw the man on his knees, blood pouring from his nose. I recognized him, he was a creepy older man that would sometimes stay longer on the train to look at younger women. Glancing at the other people around him, I kept my face as neutral as possible. Should I call the police? The outfits they wore all had the same sigil on them, the same pattern, and since they did not look like high schoolers I hardly believed those were school uniforms. Which led to the conclusion that they were the ones the news talked about a lot. The city was filled with gangs fighting over territory, not hesitating one bit to kill anyone who would cross them. I was sure of myself, assertive, yes… but I did not possess a savior complex. Seeing that man on the floor made me realize how wrong the system was, but I could not risk taking part in the situation and helping him. There were too many and clearly a lot scarier and stronger than I was. Looking away, I kept walking and heard them laugh, “That’s the right thing to do missy, he deserved it-“ “I said I was going to pay as soon as I got the money!” The victim interrupted; he was speaking very fast, but the fist smashing his jaw was faster to tell him to shut up. “It ain’t about that, you know it!”
Playing my music again, louder this time, I walked away and let them deal with everything, taking a different route than the one I would usually take. It’s alright to not have helped, you wouldn’t have made a difference… But he deserved it… I can still call the police… A turmoil inside my head started as I kept walking. After a few minutes, I grabbed my phone and dialed the police department’s number; they picked up quite fast, asking me what the emergency was. “There are gang members beating up a man in-“ “I’m sorry ma’am we can’t help with that, have a nice evening.” And just like that, the person on the other end of the phone hung up. Looking at my phone incredulously, I called again, all while taking a turn and walking by a warehouse, “Hello, you must have misunderstood me earlier—it is not a joke, there are gang members in the-“ This time, I was not interrupted by the person on the phone but by my arms being grabbed suddenly.
My heartbeat picked up, I suddenly felt sick and my head started spinning. When things like this happened, we’d always think it only happened to others, so when I realized it was happening to me, I did not feel well. Blood drained from my face, from my entire body. It all happened so fast: one moment I was walking past the warehouse, then suddenly my phone hit the ground and I joined it when I was thrown on it with force. My cheekbone took all the damage as someone pressed the side of my face onto the wet ground and made sure to put weight on my back to stop me from moving. I was shivering in fear already, but that fear only grew when my hair was pushed out of the way by a bloody hand, its knuckles painted red and brown from fresh and drying blood. The action did not feel one bit intimate, it was scary, intimidating. With the pressure on my back, I was pressed against the hard floor and could barely breathe, but in a situation like this I knew better than to talk.
I knew that. Yes.
So why did I talk? Why were my nerves acting up in moments like these?
“I am sure you got the wrong person—I’m just an accountant-“ A gun was now pressed against my cheek, I took it as a sign to shut up and did so. The man on my back twisted the gun a few times against my cheek, making me open my mouth from the weird movements against my teeth, like someone forcing a dog to open its jaws to get food out of it. “Aren’t we noisy? Tonight wasn’t the right night to feel heroic, girl.” The man asked as he tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. I closed my eyes in discomfort, my breath hitching. Laughing sadistically, he continued talking, this time his tone lowered, “Rats shouldn’t snoop in businesses that aren’t theirs.” I felt the weight shift on my back, then heard him ask someone, “Keep beating him up, I’ll take care of her then we’ll continue having our fun,” His voice was stern but I still heard some tones of him being carefree, he was enjoying this. He then addressed someone else, “Sounds good to you?” The answer consisted of muffled cries, attempts at screams that were cut off by hits then a gun cocking. With a sigh, the man on me pulled the gun away from my face and tutted the man who was bound on his knees.
I felt the weight leave my back but did not dare move, I stayed right where I was. Steps on the humid ground were heard, getting away from me but clearly approaching the man who I assumed was being tortured. The gun fired soon after, startling me as I tensed up and closed my eyes a few seconds before opening them again. The crazy man that put me on the ground laughed loudly, “Come on, it’s just the thigh, you can still walk for now, yeah?” He had said. Turning my head to look at them, I saw the older man on his knees, hands tied behind his back and suit bloody. His tie was undone, and he had wounds all over his face and chest. “I said you can walk, yeah?” Recognizing the voice, I could put a face to my aggressor as I watched him remove his glove before grabbing the victim by his arm and making him stand up, only to force him to wobble a bit. “See! I am being nice! Talk and it’s all over, come on.” He cooed in something that could be seen as sweet if it wasn’t happening in a warehouse with violent people and a man bleeding on the ground.
“I told you! I don’t know anything I-“ The man with the long earring in his left ear did not think twice before punching the office worker in the face with enough force. I believe I heard his nose crack. I caught a glimpse of the tattoos adorning his hands but could not decipher, from how far I was, what was written on them. The crazy man laughed after the punch, “Wrong answer! Haha, you have one last chance, ok?” He said, leaning over so that his face was at the same level as the other man’s. From my place on the ground, I could only see the wicked smile on his face, and it made me feel uneasy. The tall violent man was clearly crazy, having such a man roaming the city did not seem safe at all and it scared me to think of what else was happening in the shadows. “Alright, alright, please Reaper-“ The man he called Reaper gripped his chin tight and chuckled, “Straight to point, I don’t have time to waste on vermin like you, you’re no fun.” He said as a matter of fact, as if they both believed this. His face had turned serious so quickly that I feared the moment I felt like I could escape, he would change his mind in half a second.
The bleeding man nodded quickly, tears streaming down his cheeks, “It’s Silas&Sons—That’s the name of the firm that discovered something was off-'' While I was left in shock at the mention of the firm I worked at, the Reaper grinned and brought the gun to the man’s forehead, “Wasn’t hard, was it?” the man tried to tell him not to shoot, adding that the violent one had promised he would stop. The latter shook his head, “I said it’ll all be over! Listen carefully next time,” He said the last part like a parent berating their child then winked and pressed the trigger, killing the man in less than a second as his body hit the ground, blood spattering behind him. The man with black and blond hair looked at the body on the ground and chuckled to himself, “There won’t be a next time, but you get the jest.” He huffed with a wave of his hand before handing back the gun he had been given earlier. Turning around, his eyes locked on mine. I widened my eyes in pure terror and turned my face to be in the position he had left me in; I was aware he had seen me, but I was hoping he would not mention it.
The other people that were in the room had gone silent and were probably all looking at me, the woman lying on the floor, shaking, dreading for her life. The odds of me coming out of this unscathed seemed to be decreasing the more I observed what was happening around me. A stinging pain reached my scalp making me hiss, as someone lifted my head from the ground to make me look at them. While turning my head their way, I saw two men sitting on a crate, one with two braids that were long enough to go down to his ribcage while the other had shorter purple hair and glasses. Boredom adorned both their features alongside blood stains on their outfits, and yet they were nonchalant about it. I saw a man leaning behind another crate but barely managed to catch a glimpse of his tattoo that the man called Reaper snapped his fingers in front of me. “Here, I’m your tormentor, not them, yeah?” He grinned. Meeting his gaze again, I forced myself to keep my mouth shut and kept my eyes on him.
“You’re being courageous, not even crying yet! You’re a fun one, gotta love it.” He said happily, his hand patting the cheek that had taken most of the damage when he slammed me on the ground. I flinched when I saw his hand approach my face then winced at the rough touch against the bruising skin. “What will I do with you little rat? Eavesdropping ain’t nice, tattling ain’t it either.” The latter was said in a more serious tone as his expression turned somber, any humor that dripped from his words a moment ago was completely gone and he was now looking at me with caution. “Get up, come on.” I did not have a choice, the grip in my hair did not slacken and I had to follow his movement to avoid most of the pain. My clothes were dirty and damp from the humid ground; I felt my legs shake as I got to my feet and hissed at the pain when he yanked my hair for me to follow him quicker.
Pushing me forward, he threw me against the crate where the two other men were sitting. Hitting my shoulder against the wooden item, I swore under my breath and was about to fall to my knees again when the man with the long braids wrapped his legs around my neck and somewhat choked me. Caught off guard, I gripped his shins tight and tried to break free, but his hold only tightened. I heard him mock me while he dug his heels deeper in my biceps from the position he was in, “Stop moving and it’ll stop hurting, fuck you’re stupid.” He sighed with disdain, bringing me closer towards him but it only pressed my neck against the wood. Gritting my teeth, I stopped trying to get him to let go and let my arms fall to my side, when I felt the choke weaken and took a large intake of breath while focusing my eyes anywhere but on the man in front of me.
The manic laughter I had now heard many times in those few minutes I was on the floor reached my ears again, “I can see you wanna live, what are you willing to do to stay alive?” He asked in a light tone. It was a real question, but I did not want to do anything. I wanted to punch them and make a run for it, but they had guns and strength, none of which I could match in any way. I kept my mouth shut again.
The Reaper chuckled again, “I don’t know if you keeping your pretty mouth shut is a curse or a blessing-“ he stopped himself and slapped my now undamaged cheek with as much force as he could, making me yelp at the pain. I kept my face turned the direction his hand had turned it, but he gripped my chin forcefully and made me look at him. His expression had turned almost sour as he stared right into my eyes, “Fucking answer the question, what are you willing to do?” he spat, his face only breaths away from mine. Keeping a frown on, I uttered, “I wasn’t calling on you, there were people blocking another road-“ His mouth contorted into a smile once again as he pushed my face against the crate before letting go as he threw his hands in the air, and turned around on himself once, “She speaks! God it’s so entertaining to see you’re—Still. Not. Crying.” He gritted through his teeth the last three words before leaning over once again, his face very close to mine just like before.
“You’re telling me it’s a coincidence then?” He asked in a playful tone, clearly mocking me.
Fuck I wanted to make a run for it and get away from here. My heart was trying to beat out of my chest the longer I spent time here, the only thought running through my mind was: I am going to die here. How else would I end up? He had killed a man that had told him what he wanted to know, so no matter what I said he would kill me, right? Stammering a bit, I nodded the best I could with legs still around my neck, “Yes, I hadn’t seen you were here, I-“
“You’re funny! I’ll give you that! God you’re-“ He pulled back and made a rapid movement of his arms approaching me, as if putting me on display, “You’re fun! Ran, let her go.” The first part was said in excitement, the latter in the utmost seriousness. The moment he had spoken those words, the man let go of my neck and I was about to stumble when the Reaper grabbed me by the shoulders. He was tall, strangely tall, way above average, and it only added to all the traits that already made him scary. My whole body tensed, I thought this was it. He glared at me for a few moments before speaking to one of his friends, his gaze never leaving mine, “What do we know?”
An unknown voice reached my ear, it was close, so it must have been the other man on the crate, “Seems like a civilian, said she was an accountant. She also seemed surprised when the vermin said Silas&Son.” That perked the Reaper’s interest.
“Oh, so the little girl knows things. Have they sent you?” He asked, forcing me to look up by gripping my chin once more. He did not care the amount of strength he used, he couldn’t care less if I was uncomfortable, to him I was just a puppet that he could throw around and play with. Clearly he was right since I moved along and did not fight back. If I did, I would die, I was sure of it. “I was walking home from work—I saw my usual path was blocked and people were ganging up against a man so I-“ “You ran? The rat isn’t one for conflict, eh?” He patted my head and smiled almost reassuringly before letting go of me, making sure I fell on the floor. “Then? Make this quick, this ain’t the time for a bedtime story.”
“I called the police so that they could check—they said it was none of their business so I tried again and you-“ Fuck I was stuttering, the stress was too much and once I had fallen on my back, he was a lot more intimidating. He could just pull out his gun and shoot me, I could not get up with how I was shaking.
“You tried to do the right thing, right?” He asked, his back now turned to me. I could not gauge his emotion, so I replied sincerely, “Yes, it was all that I could do-“
Suddenly he turned around and pointed a gun at me, grinning, “Wrong! You could have helped the poor, poor man on the street, yeah? But you didn’t, why?” I did not reply right away, so he waved the gun around before crouching right in front of me and taking a good look at me. “They were too many-“ “That never stops a hero, does it? It’s all about charisma, determination, letting your body act faster than your brain, no?” He asked rhetorically, but while I waited for him to continue he sighed and looked down, his gun dropping lower as his arm fell limp. He started mumbling to himself a moment, using the gun to scratch his hair. Perhaps it was not the most adequate time to do so, but I looked at his outfit and saw he was wearing suit pants and a white business shirt. Quite the outfit for a murderer, but he had made sure to pull his sleeves up to not stain it. He was right in doing so since all the blood from earlier was on his black gloves and his forearms.
“Tell me, rat,” He slowly looked up and gave me a wicked smile, “Are you a hero?” He brought the gun to my forehead and all I did was close my eyes in fear. A sob escaped my lips as I tried to back away, but I was only met with the wooden crate, accidentally bumping my head against the shoes of one of the men sitting on it. “Do you believe there is good in this world? That it deserves to be saved? Hm? Would you die for this pathetic excuse of a world?” He pressed the gun even more against my skin. I heard the click as he disengaged the safety and tried to close my eyes even more than how I had already shut them, but found it impossible. My entire body was shaking, there was no helping the sobs escaping my mouth even by covering it.
I felt a gentle hand push my hand away and opened my eyes in confusion, only to see that the man who was holding a gun against me was grinning, “Answer the question.” He turned the gun horizontally and rested his arm on his knee as he placed his head on his free hand, completely relaxed. Getting lost in thoughts, I stared emptily at him while he started counting down, “Three…” Am I a hero? How would one describe a Hero? None of the mythological heroes could define me, none of those famous franchises either. “Two, think faster.” What answer did he want? Should I give him what he wants, or should I just be honest? “One-“
“I’m not a hero, I didn’t call right away because he deserved it, I-“ Taking a deep breath, I tried to take a hold of myself and calm down the best I could. “He harassed people, no one ever did anything about it-“
“See! Wasn’t hard, was it? Good girl,” He patted my head before moving the gun under my chin and raising it with the end of the gun, his finger never leaving the trigger, “You’re also a bad person then, you’re like us, right? Some people do deserve to die!”
Shuddering, I took a shaky breath and inhaled, “I’m nothing like you-“ “If he died it’s because ye didn’t act quick enough, don’t you agree?” He inquired with a pleading look, the mockery never leaving his tone. “I don’t, no.” My words were followed by the gun leaving my person as the man stood up quickly and barked out a laugh before asking his friends if they had heard that, they only grumbled in reply. He tucked the gun in the back of his pants and I quickly let my head down in fear I had triggered him somehow, frightened it was the straw that broke the camel’s back. “I like you, accountant woman. I just wanna see one thing to know what I should do with you—well two, but I’ll start slow.” Bringing his arm behind his back, I tensed again but then felt the gun hit my ankle as he threw it at me.
“Shoot me,” He ordered as he crouched in front of me, his arms crossed over his knees while grinning broadly. “I killed a guy, right? I am bad, killing me should make you a hero.” His little speech was stupid, it only started a vicious cycle of death with no end. Killing a killer that killed one person? It’d make me a killer that killed one person, and so on. But he brought his hand to mine and wrapped my fingers around the handle of the gun before pressing it against his forehead. “Here, you can’t miss from this close, show me you got guts! Come on, do it.” That grin turned into something scary, manic, he was getting off on the thrill. But my hands were shaking, I had never held a gun before, never intended to, but tonight was nothing if not exceptional. When I tried to put my arm down, he grabbed my elbow and kept it up, “It’s you or me, come on, make this fun for both of us-“ “I’m not shooting you in the head! You’re insane-“
Hearing my words well, he barked a laugh then guided the gun to his heart, one of the men behind me sighed and told him to hurry up, but the Reaper only shushed him. “Here, then? Sounds better?” Nothing was right in his head; I couldn’t understand what he was doing. No matter how hard I tried, I did not know the point he was making, but taking all this time to think about it made me lose the position of power he had given me. Forcing my hand to let go of the gun, he took it and, at the speed of light, put it in my mouth, making a sob escape it as he did so. “That’s a missed opportunity, too bad.” He shrugged then as I saw him press the trigger. I closed my eyes, my hands gripping my thighs so tight, it must have left some marks under the fabric of my pants.
The click of the trigger echoed, and I felt myself jump on the spot at how loud the bang was—so this is it? That thought crossed my mind rapidly, but was shoved aside by the loud ringing in my ears. I then heard footsteps echoing around the warehouse. The gun was no longer in my mouth, there were no bullets, it was a blank; I felt my stomach churn and opened my eyes in panic before pushing my tormentor away. I was surprised when he let me do so, but it was better for him. Slamming my hands down, I was on the floor as I emptied my stomach on the concrete. Chuckles reached my ears along with the whispers of a few words, “Can’t even stomach a bit of gun play.” “Should have killed her, blood stench leaves easier than vomit.” The latter comment made one of them laugh.
When I was done, I thought for a second that death was quick, most of the time. And when it wasn’t, you expected it, you weren’t filled with stress. Hence why no one ever spoke of post-mortem vomit. It made me laugh only for a second until I was pushed back on my ass when the man with the earring pressed his foot against my chest, making me wince. “Your name, what is it?” he asked seriously.
Feeling some sort of confidence build up, I looked up at him and leaned over, using the hem of his pants to wipe my mouth, but did not answer. The seriousness on his face turned into the look of someone who had been challenged; he snapped his fingers, then I heard someone say my name, my birthdate and my birthplace. Looking at the person who kept reading out loud, I saw the man with a tiger tattoo on his neck approach before tossing my wallet at me. I did not know when they had found the time to pickpocket me, but they managed to. My cheeks were burning up from the sickness, the stress and the embarrassment this entire situation brought but I still tried to keep my head high, for what it was worth. Bringing my hands to my face, I only now felt the tears that had rolled down my cheeks.
“Okay little tattletale, I think I’ll let you go for now-“ “Are you not going to kill me? Isn’t this what you do?” I asked in a weak voice, not even attempting to get up after all the time you had been mishandled. Both the man with the earring and the tattooed one were standing in front of me. The former reached out for my hand to help me get up, I did not take it, so he sighed loudly and bent over to grab my bicep and forcefully get me up. “We only kill snitches and annoying fucks, are you one of those?” I was about to tell him no when he leaned over suddenly and pressed his index against my lips to shut me up. Startled, I tried to step back but he held the back of my head with his free hand and beamed, “No, you’re not. You’re gonna be useful, you’re just the right amount of malleable,” The finger that had left my mouth moved to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear, I shivered in disgust, “I can see it in your eyes that you’ll be a fun one to work with.”
I tried to pull away from him, but his hand gripped my hair tight and kept me in place, stopping me from leaning back when he approached closer, “Since you’re not a hero, we’ll make you a villain then—I mean, it’s not going to be hard considering your stance on killing.” He grimaced at that before turning it into a full laugh and letting go of me.
“Rindou, take her back to her place-“ “I’m not doing that, I got plans with Ran. Send the tiger boy, we’re done for tonight.” The one with purple hair and glasses said as he hopped off the crate, followed by the other man on it. It made the Reaper’s face turn sour as he gripped the one who had just spoken and tightened his hold on his shoulder, “I don’t do escorting, that’s your job.” He gritted through his teeth.
Seeing the tension, I put my wallet back in my bag and cleared my throat, “I’ll—I can walk home on my own, by now they must be gone-“ All of them looked at me with a threatening gaze, I felt like a deer caught in headlights. The man with the braids started walking off, Ran was his name I believe, along with the man with the tattoo on the neck, while the two others stayed right there and glared at me. When I took a step back, taking their silence for permission, the Reaper wrapped his arm around my shoulders and held me close to him, “Right, I’ll do it tonight. Just because she’s a fun one-“ “I can walk home alone, it’s no problem,” I tried to push him away, my hands were shaky and had a few scraps. Without the constant manhandling, not that I missed it, I could feel the dampness of my clothes and how cold it was getting.
Looking down at me without any expression on his face, the Reaper turned us around and waved everyone goodbye, his arm never leaving my shoulders. “We both know that’s not true, if we let you walk home alone you might get beaten up by—how did you put it? ‘Gang members’, yeah, that was what you said on the phone.” He hummed, shoving his free hand in his pocket as he guided us outside. I felt uneasy in his hold, I felt like he was walking me towards my execution. I did not want to lead him to my house, but what choice did I have? He would find it sooner or later; at least that’s what he said, but I did not know how much truth there was to it. In my eyes, it was but a small group of violent men that had killed someone.
“In the end you did get beaten up by a gang member, but it could’ve been worse.” He said lightheartedly as he stopped in front of a car. When I paused my steps and still did not look at him, simply waiting for his next move, I felt him grab my chin and turn my head towards him. My breath hitched in fear as I met his golden eyes. He seemed a bit bored now, but I couldn't care less how he felt, I wanted to bolt away from his touch. “You should disinfect that, and you’ll definitely bruise, but you probably have makeup or something to hide that.” He shrugged.
When he leaned over again, I brought my hands in front of me and closed my eyes to stop him from touching me, but I only heard him huffing a laugh next to my ear as he opened the door of the passenger seat. “Get in, I’ll drop you off.” Looking up at him, I blinked a few times then glanced at the inside of the car. I don’t know what I was expecting, something dirty, bloody, disgusting perhaps. But instead, it was perfectly clean, not a speck of dirt in sight. It looked like an expensive car, but perhaps it was just very clean, I did not know. Still unsure, I hesitantly got inside and was about to close the door but felt a certain strength holding it back. The man was leaning on the door and bent over to peek his head inside the car, thinking he needed something. I pressed myself more against the seat to let him grab what he wanted, but his hand reached for the belt and fastened it for me.
“Wouldn’t want you to escape—ah, I mean, safety first.” He said mockingly before winking and slamming the door shut. My hands found their way to the belt and held it tight as I watched him walk around the car. His steps were too big for me to make a run for it, he would catch up on me in no time, I was stuck with him. As he entered the vehicle and fastened his own seatbelt, he pointed at the glove box and handed me his gloves, “Put them back and hand me a wipe, tattletale.”
His craziness was a lot more toned down, for a second I wondered how many faces this man had. The one I was seeing right now was intimidating from how put together he seemed, the other one was scary from how unexpected his actions were. “Why aren’t you killing me?” I asked without looking at him, focused on pushing the gun out of the way inside the glove box and grabbing the little pack of wipes. Giving it to him, his brow was quirked, “Because you’re a good girl,” He grinned, wiping his hands as he continued, “No one would ever suspect you’re working with the likes of a gang. You’re gonna be useful and that’s all that matters, you should be thankful I didn’t kill you. I hate people who eavesdrop.” He said, as he shoved the wipe in the door compartment.
“I didn’t eavesdrop.” I muttered, looking outside the window when he started the car. The laugh that erupted out of nowhere scared me, making me tense again, I dared to look his way and saw his manic smile again. “So, you’re an accountant, pretty boring. You should be thrilled I chose you.” He said in a mix of pride and humor before increasing the volume of the music then drumming his fingers on the wheel. Thinking about his words some more, I glanced his way and lowered the volume, catching his attention as he looked me dead in the eyes. “What if I don’t want to work with you?” I asked, measuring my tone to not piss him off, it did not take a genius to understand this man was unstable and that I needed to tread lightly around him.
Even with as much care as I put in my voice, his reaction was sudden when he turned the wheel and stopped the car on the side of the road. Passing cars honked in annoyance but the man did not care one bit while I had slammed my hand on the dashboard to stop my head from hitting it. Insulting him under my breath, I looked up and saw he had placed his arms on the wheel, his left cheek resting on his forearm. “Then leave. Get out right now, nothing’s stopping you.”
“What’s stopping me is that you’ll kill me, or you’ll run me over, multiple times,” I could see the smile on his face was spreading, but he did not move. The condescendence in his lack of reaction, of action, annoyed me but at the same time frightened me, was he going to slam my head against the window? Against the dashboard? I did not know, but I continued, stammering this time from how nervous I was becoming, “My life is on the fucking line, that’s what’s holding me back.” I spat. My eyes had never left his, even as his smile turned into a grin and his slender fingers gripped the wheel tighter.
When he did not look away, I did. At the same time, I turned on the seat and fully looked ahead instead of facing him. A silence set for a moment then I heard the car start and the man sighed, content, “You’re smart to stay, you’re only alive because I can use you. If you had left, I’d have shot you and left you on the side of the road to die.” He said in a light tone. The words he had spoken had the same effect of a bullet; my guts took a hit without being truly hit. I did not have a choice at all, I was stuck working for a man I did not know without even knowing what I had to do.
His hand rose and I closed my eyes, flinching slightly, “Type in your address, tattletale.” With the little confidence that remained, I lifted my shaky hand and typed it in while telling him that I had a name. Then added, “You should use it. Maybe there is a name I can call you by?” I was not asking for his ID, nor anything specific, if he had a codename in his stupid gang or something like that I would go with it, but calling him Reaper in my head sounded idiotic. “Sorry doll, I think nark or snitch suits you a lot more.” He hummed a moment, throwing me a glance from the corner of his eyes as his hands moved on the wheel absent-mindedly. Huffing in annoyance, I placed my elbow against the window and rested my chin against my fist, thinking he was done. After all, why should I care what he called me? I should simply call him an asshole if he was so keen on calling me a snitch. Or perhaps I should live up to the title and do exactly that, tell the police.
A hand wrapped around my wrist and pulled me out of my daydream with my head bumped against the window. Wincing in pain, I heard the man laugh loudly while being focused on the road, “That’s deserved for not paying attention.” He said through laughter. “Pay attention to what? The road? I’m not the one driving-“ “To me, you should keep your guard up, snitch. Who knows what I could do.” He said with a deadpan expression. Without looking at me, he brought his hand to tuck my hair out of the way, then glanced at me and smirked. His touch was light, almost gentle. It allowed me to get a proper look at his tattoo, but I could not focus on it at all, I only tensed up before feeling him grip my throat and bring me closer to him. I made a choking sound and complied to avoid as much pain as possible, “You can call me Hanma, as long as you don’t scream it from every fucking rooftop.”
I could feel tears welling up in my eyes. This night was not going as planned at all and every time I found any respite, it would be ruined, and the man would turn violent again. I could not let my guard down, I knew it but when he would just stay put, I could not help myself but think he was done. Clearly he wasn’t. His hold lessened a bit, so I took the opportunity to claw his hand away and pull myself back, my own hand around my throat in protection. “They called you the Reaper.” I croaked, wanting him to talk more so that I wouldn’t have to.
“They did, yeah.” He shrugged.
That was it. He did not add anything else. The matter was closed. When I asked him why they did that, he pulled the car on the side of the road again, startling me in the process. With how on edge I was, I did not realize where we were and thought he would be mad again, but instead he looked over my shoulder and nodded, “That’s you, get out.” He told me as his left arm rested on the wheel while the right one was on the back of the seat, casually leaning on it while looking at me. Looking behind me, I saw my house and felt some hope at finally being able to get home and yet… I did not leave right away and instead prodded, “The news talks about your gang, how many people did you kill?” His eyes traveled from my head to my hands then up to my head again, the arrogance never leaving his face as he leaned back against the car door and waved a hand dismissively, “Take a guess, I think it should be fun.”
I was about to give him a number when he leaned forward quickly, his face right in front of mine as he whispered, “Don’t forget those in comas or those at the hospital, they might not be dead, but they might as well be,” He chuckled happily then approached even closer, his lips right next to my ear, “They’re only alive because I said they could be, like you are. One wrong move and,” leaning back quickly, he clapped his hands, “Bang, dead.” He said dead meaning those in the hospital, but I fully understood he was threatening me, I was not an idiot.
Taking this as my cue to go, I unbuckled my seatbelt and when I was about to open the door, I heard the mechanism of the car locking it. Turning around to look at Hanma, I wordlessly asked if he needed anything else. His hand reached out towards me, “Your phone.”
“I didn’t record this or anything, I was not on a call with the police either, I-“ snatching it from my hand while I was rambling, Hanma tried to unlock it but instead was met with a locked screen. Hesitantly, I took it from his hand, mine being a lot shakier than his seeing how steady his were and unlocked it before giving it back to him. A minute passed and he handed the phone back to me, “We’ll be in contact. Things are gonna change for you, doll. Hope you’re ready for what’s coming.”
He was an unusual character, he was confusing, violent, and surely insane. All of those things added up in my mind, making me accidentally let it slip, “How can one be ready with you? Crazy man…” I said it all under my breath and huffed the last part as I pushed the door open. I let out a sigh when the door opened easily, part of me even thanked the man for not keeping me in any longer but I was still on my toes, certain he would say something else as I left the car, but he did not.
Grabbing my bag, I shuffled away from the car that still hadn’t moved and kept glancing over my shoulders until I reached the door where I struggled to put the key in the keyhole. At each failed attempt my frustration grew, the swears flooded out of my mouth easily and soon it turned into a stupid crying of frustration. “Fuck this, fucking shit-“ when the key finally fit, I hurried inside and locked the door behind me again but this time with the sliding lock, knowing full well I would struggle again too much to lock my door with the key seeing how tensed I still was.
The darkness of my home was what welcomed me. It was awful, it was cold and above everything it felt oppressive—my face was heating up, I was suffocating, my clothes were burning my skin, but I was also shaking. Fanning my face, I made my way to the bathroom with heavy steps, my breath was quickening, was it breathing or heaving? I needed to calm down, I needed to ground myself but I did not know how, this never happened but I felt like I was dying. I could not breathe, my lungs hurt at each intake of breath. “Fuck, fuck, shit, calm down“ I panted while taking off my clothes, I needed to take everything off, I wanted to burn them, it was filthy, disgusting and smelled wretched.
As I took off my top, I caught a whiff of the stench of the warehouse and let out a sob but did not let it stop me even if I could not breathe. I removed the rest of my clothes and knelt by the bath, leaning over to turn the shower on but did not wait for it to be warm to step inside and let it pour all over my dirtied body. The coldness made me take a deep breath that seemed to have helped with the panic attack I was having, but it did not help the crying, so I let it all out while I was washing up. What have I gotten myself into? What happens next? What am I supposed to do now? Is he going to ask me to kill someone? Am I going to have to use a gun? I didn’t want to do any of those, I only walked by something I had nothing to do with and—letting out a scream of frustration, I sat down in the bath and let the water rain on me. I ran my hands through my wet hair and placed my elbows on my knees, grunting again, “I don’t do gangs… I do numbers, I don’t have time to murder people…” I mumbled.
Letting my own words sink in, I let out a chuckle at first and focused my gaze on the wall in front of me then laughed again, shortly. I don’t have time to murder people, yeah… “Because if you had time you would?” I asked myself jokingly as I stood up, laughing again. Shaking my head, I shut the shower off and got out, almost slipping on the water that had splattered around the bath. I hadn’t taken time to put a towel on the floor or prepare anything, fortunately I managed to balance myself and took one from the closet. Once I was dry, I wrapped my robe around my form and stopped in front of the mirror, taking a proper look at the damage I had taken.
The scratch on my cheekbone was bruised, there was another bruise on my neck that I could probably hide with a turtleneck, the season allowed it, and if not with a turtleneck then a scarf would do the trick. Disrobing myself just to take a look at the rest of it, I had some bruises on my arms where I was grabbed to be moved roughly, without counting the pain on my ass but no one would see that. Passing my tongue over my teeth, I was glad as I still had all of them, but my jaw hurt, “Did I bite the inside of my cheek? At what moment could-“ A flashback of when the man slapped me with full force appeared in my mind, fueling me with a bad feeling of uneasiness as I put back my robe. “Bastard…” I huffed before opening the door of my bathroom and stepping inside the dark room again. Talking to myself, I continued, “Nothing’s stopping me from telling the police, who does he think he is? I could very well call them, yeah…” I paused in my steps and scoffed dryly, “Not that they’d listen.”
The news was always talking about the gangs in the city, telling us that the police were working on stopping them, but no one knew the people that were supposed to defend and help were a bunch of sellouts, bribed out idiots. The system we had put our trust in had decided to fuck us over and to leave us to ourselves, it was because of them that I was in this situation. It’s not like it had been hard to stumble upon one of their gang meetings. They might claim discretion, but if anyone could find them, it was anything but. “Who am I kidding? I am fucked,” I barked a laugh and turned on the light, “Guess I am a gang member-“ I stopped dead in my tracks when I saw the man my thoughts were plagued with, sitting on my couch, his legs crossed with one ankle over a knee. “Not exactly, you still need to prove yourself. But I love the enthusiasm!” He said while placing an arm on the back of the couch and looking at me with a satisfied smile, not even fully facing me, only to look right ahead once he was done talking.
Usually, one would say don’t turn your back on your enemy, but he was the predator here, he had nothing to fear, I was the one shaking in my metaphorical boots. Deciding to not be useless, I was about to shuffle to the kitchen discretely when I saw him beckon me closer by bending his index finger. Thinking I could play it off as not having seen it, I took one step towards the kitchen when I heard him click his tongue over his teeth, “I said, come here.” Stopping dead in my tracks, I did not speak, and silently opened my bag to pull out my phone and start recording. His hand gripped the back of the couch and I heard him chuckle mockingly, “Ran said you were stupid, but we both know you’re not, now come.” Putting the phone properly on the furniture, I followed his order and walked up to him to stand right in front of him, my arms crossed over my chest to close my bathrobe up to my neck.
“How the fuck did you get in?” I spat. He was not driving, which meant he could not throw me out of a speeding car. He was not surrounded by other maniacs either, and if he had a gun and decided to shoot me, I would have proof of it. There was a semblance of safety, even amidst the fact that the man had broken in without caring. It led me to have some confidence.
The man grinned and leaned over, his elbows resting on his knees. His demeanor was one of a man in control, he knew he could do anything to me because I would bend, he said it himself, I was malleable. But not for lack of will, simply by fear. And if he kept bending me this much, I would not last long, I would break. As long as I feared him, he had the upper hand… but I was not feeling fearless yet. With a low chuckle, he simply said, “Broke in with pliers,” then showed me the pair of pliers lying on the couch. I glanced at my door and saw the chain of my lock was broken as he had said, but that loss of attention directed to him annoyed him. Snapping his fingers, he brought my attention back to him, “Here, you should make a double of your key-“ “I’m not doing that. First, you’ll pay me back for breaking my lock, then if you want to meet up for whatever you got planned for me, you pick a spot but not-“
My breath hitched when Hanma rapidly stood up, his form towering mine as he looked down at me with his hair falling randomly on his forehead. “We got a lotta confidence suddenly, don’t we? Go ahead, finish your sentence, I’m listening.” He cooed in a condescending tone, his face approaching mine as he hovered slightly over me. Looking up at him, I looked down to his chest feeling my confidence wane slightly. When I tried to step back, not liking how close he was to me, he placed his hand on my shoulder to stop me. “Come on partner, let it all out, you seem to have a lot on your mind. Keeping it all bottled up ain’t gonna end up well. We should get along if we’re gonna work together, yeah?” He said in a fake listening attitude, we both knew he didn’t care but I was riled up and clenched my fists.
“I don’t want you in my house, you’re a piece of shit. I don’t want to get along, I want you to fuck off—Get out.” I managed to say everything without stuttering, but his grip tightened on my shoulder, making me tense up even if it was not painfully tight. Simply knowing that nothing was holding him back, not his mind, nor his ethics, nothing. His mood was the turning point of his actions, which means one change of emotion could make him go feral and hit me, it scared me. Hissing mockingly, he tilted my chin up to make me look at him, a smirk adorning his face, “Make me leave then, do something about it.” Grabbing both my shoulders, he pushed me back slightly then spread his arms wide, a huge smile on his face, “Go ahead, I won’t do anything—it’s free hits,” He taunted. When I did not move, he pointed at his face and licked his lips like an animal looking at its next meal.
“Do it, show me your guts, little rat! I hit you right? I put a gun to your head, that must be so annoying, right?” Biting the inside of my cheek, I could feel my frustration building up inside me again. He had done all those things, and no regret was written on his face, none. He had killed a man, broken inside my house, manhandled me and hit me. He had mocked me, humiliated me, mistreated me and while it all happened in a short time span, I already felt strongly about him. Reminding myself all that, I hadn’t realized the hit that flew from my person until it landed on his jaw, my fist feeling like it had hit a wall. His face turned to the side by the end of the action.
Using the heel of his hand to wipe the blood that dripped from his mouth, he looked at me with hooded eyes and grinned, his teeth colored red, “That’s hot, but ye shouldn’t have done that.”
[Part 2]
#tokyo revengers#hanma shuji#hanma x reader#hanma shuji x reader#fanfiction#writing#writers#physicalturian AO3#physicalturian#deranged love#archive of our own#tokyo revengers hanma#tokyo revengers x reader
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Ultimate Guide to Proofreading
Here’s the next installation of my writing tips series!
[Just a quick disclaimer: this isn’t meant to discourage anyone! We are all still learning. These are just some tips you may want to consider when editing your writing].
As a language / linguistics student, I tend to focus on the grammar, or just the overall presentation of my writing. Obviously, if you’re writing online or self-publishing, without a beta reader that is, then no one is going to scrutinise you over the small things.
However, it can elevate your writing SO MUCH if you simply proofread it. Often, I find myself taken out of the immersion of a story because a typo is so glaringly obvious. Most of the time, we can gloss over them and they don’t impact the reading experience too much - but if your work is littered with small errors, they tend to pile up.
Proofreading is an easy way to get your readers to stick with you - and it often doesn’t even take that long! You just need to know HOW to proofread, and it will save you time.
1) Spell Checkers
I know this seems really obvious, but I read so much work that could be improved tenfold just by being copied-and-pasted into a spell checker. You can literally type ‘spell checker’ into Google, and use an online service.
Personally, I use Google Docs. I just Ctrl+A, Ctrl+C, and Ctrl+V my work into it - and it will underline the spelling mistakes in red, and the grammar errors in blue.
It’s as easy as that.
2) Consistency and General Grammar Points
This section is by NO MEANS an exhaustive list, but I’ve just compiled the things I’ve noticed the most when reading online.
American English vs. British English:
This one is quite self-explanatory. If you’re going to use American spellings, then use them consistently throughout - and vice versa with British. Some common ones to look out for include:
color / colour
neighbor / neighbour
humor / humour
(US/UK respectively)
I found a good article here that gives a more comprehensive list.
Homophones or the Question of Verb / Noun:
You may want to double-check that you’ve used the right form of a word (verb / noun) - especially if they sound the same.
affect / effect
hoard / horde
practice / practise***
*See this article.
allowed / aloud
were / where
I know these can sometimes get a little tricky for non-native speakers - especially since English is really quite a weird language. But these are the most common errors I’ve picked up on.
A lot of the time, things like Google Docs won’t spot these - so it’s good to be aware of the TYPES of errors you’re trying to find.
Also, remember that Google Search is your friend. I can’t even count the number of times I look things up when writing - THERE IS NO SHAME IN IT. It doesn’t take long to check if you’re using a word in the correct context, or the correct form of the word.
Showing Possession:
A lot of people tend to get confused about using the genitive marker, apostrophe ‘-s’ to show possession. See the examples below:
[Disclaimer: don’t judge my name choices...]
Jade has a bag. That is Jade’s bag.
Jade Simpson has a bag. That is Jade Simpson’s bag.
Jade Simpson lives with her husband, John Simpson. They are the Simpsons.
That is the Simpson household. That is the Simpsons’ house.***
*This is the one most people struggle on. There are two Simpsons, so the apostrophe comes at the end to show PLURAL possession (i.e., belonging to BOTH Jade and John).
This is Jess. That is Jess’ bag.
Here, the above can be written as Jess’s, but the extra (-s) usually gets ellided if it is following an ‘s’.
Another thing people get confused about is its/it’s.
In English, ‘it’s’ = a contraction of ‘it + is’ (NOT TO SHOW POSSESSION). ‘Its’ is the possessive form in this case.
E.g., The dog lost its collar; it is brown = The dog lost its collar; it’s brown (the collar is brown).
Punctuation Consistency:
Personally, I don’t mind what style of punctuation you use. Whether you put your full stops INSIDE your quotations, or OUTSIDE;
E.g., “Go away.” vs “Go away”.
or if you sometimes like using hyphens in place of a comma; likewise with capitalisation, and whether you decide to capitalise certain nouns etc.
But, whatever you choose, BE CONSISTENT WITH IT.
You don’t want to give your readers whiplash by changing styles every couple of lines. Otherwise, it’s like you’ve chosen one academic referencing style for your essay, only to switch it half-way through. It’s confusing. It may seem like a nit-picking point, but people will notice it - and it’s good written practice to focus on being consistent.
3) Formatting:
Dialogue:
PLEASE PLEASE start a new paragraph/line if SOMEONE NEW IS SPEAKING.
Your readers will be so confused if you don’t properly distinguish who is speaking. It takes away from the reading experience when you think one character has said a line, but it turns out to be another.
Don’t just rely on “[...]” John said. We should know if someone new is speaking by the format, not just the name that follows the dialogue.
Paragraphs:
Don’t let your work be one block of text. Break it up and make it more digestible for your readers. Try to start a new paragraph for a new topic, place, thought, etc. You can find some really great guides online that go into more detail. Personally, I think it’s quite a stylistic thing - but you should still be consistent in how you choose to establish your paragraphs.
4) Other Things to Look out For
Detography: Have you written a word twice?
Pronouns: Are you using the following correctly?
their/they’re/there
your/you’re
Tenses: Are you sticking to the same tense? Are your verbs all conjugated in the same tense? Do you switch tense half-way through?
Repetition: Are you relying on the same words a lot. Are you using the same verb / descriptive word very close together?
For this, I just make a quick Google search:
E.g., “said synonym” or “angry synonym” - it adds variety to your writing.
Character Names: This seems obvious, but make sure you’ve spelt them correctly throughout - same goes for place names etc.
5) READ YOUR WORK ALOUD
I really can’t stress this enough. Even after studying language, literature and linguistics for as long as I have, I still miss so many of my own errors if I don’t read my work aloud. My editing process literally involves:
Write the draft
Read over the draft and correct any glaring errors
Copy and paste into a spelling/grammar checker
Re-read the new work and edit again
Read aloud and edit as I go
Final read through
Obviously I don’t do this every time - but it shows just how easy it is to miss mistakes when you’re still finding them during step 6.
6) Bribe a Beta-Reader (or a Friend)...
This is a really helpful step if you are able to find someone willing to check over your work. Often, we become blind to our own writing after we’ve read over the same thing a number of times. It can be really useful to get someone to take a look at it with fresh eyes!
Disclaimer: These are just some things I’ve noticed that I tend to look for in my own work. Also, I want to make a point of saying that English is a strange language, so please don’t be discouraged if you’re a non-native speaker feeling confused. I still get confused!
Also, please feel free to ask me any questions! I might not always be available to give a full beta-read of your work, but if you have any queries relating to grammar etc., don’t hesitate to drop me a message!
#writing#writing tips#proofreading#beta reader#proof reading#author#writer#writeblr#writers of tumblr#fanfic#fanfic writer#fanfiction#fanfic tips#fanfic writing#fanfiction tips#writers#writer problems#author problems#english tips#english language#english literature#linguistics#english language tips
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Next to You
Bucky Barnes x Reader
Warning: angst/fluff.
a/n: GIF requested by @captain-pikas-world . I haven't written much since my dad passed in December. This is my attempt to get back into it. Hope you enjoy.
The air is heavy, it always feels heavy to Bucky as he steps out into the world. Every time, his breath is slacked with nerves trapped at the tip of his tongue. He eases towards the crowd of people, everyone gathering near the lake. His eyes moves around to each face, his instinct is to look for Sam. His best friend now, the person who has pushed him further than he thought he could go. It would be a lie to say the pair had an easy start, it was rough but like the leaves underneath his boots – they were able to snap into something new. New pieces of who they are after Steve's departure, and Bucky was the first to admit, it works. Everything therapy and Sam has taught him, along with his own self reflection, has helped. In the mirror, each morning, he sees something new. A mixture of his old self and who is he now – he actually smiles now. Yet, he knows something has not entirely come back – the ease of being around a woman he adores.
His eyes finally land on Sam, but they only are on the man for a few seconds before making there way to you. Where you are standing next to his friend, the two of you facing the lake. Bucky's heart starts to race as he forces himself to move forward, feeling ridiculous that one single person was making him stumble over his steps. Of all the things he has gone through, this was what was going to give him a heart attack. Muttering to himself that he was being stupid, he reaches Sam's side with a slight smile.
“Sorry I'm late,” he apologies and you turn to him. His throat clenches as you smile and point out to the lake.
“Sam was thinking we could charter a boat for the day, what do you think? Was Steve a fishing type?”
Right, Bucky thought to himself. The day was about celebrating the one common factor in your friendship – Steve Rogers.
“We went fishing a few times, but neither of us were exactly fishermen.”
“Or men,” Sam snorts and you laugh.
“Ah, well, it's the thought that counts, right?”
Bucky grins finally, eyes entirely on you. He nods lightly. “Yeah, that's all that counts.”
Sam's facial expression changes and suddenly he's declaring that he was going to go see about a boat near the dock station. You wave him off and ask Bucky to help with the poles and supplies from the car. The two of you walk in silence through the crowd, it was a national holiday so the lake was a little crowded.
“Maybe we should have come a different day,” you sigh, unlocking your car. Bucky agrees, but opens the trunk and gives you a small nudge.
“Your idea is great, it's going to be great.”
His reassurances turns your stomach warm, the sun bearing down on your skin as he hands over the poles. “Take these and I'll get the rest.”
Effortlessly, Bucky gathers all the supplies for the boat, including an oversize ice chest and asks you if you were ready. You feel anxious as he walks at your side, wondering out loud if Sam was able to secure a boat for the day. There is a handful of boats already out on the lake, so the prospects were looking bad as the two of you caught up to Sam. Yet, he is all smiles, tossing up keys in the air, catching them with a smirk.
“Great, he's going to gloat all day about this.”
“Maybe being on a boat with the two of you was a bad idea,” you tease.
Bucky laughs. “Too late now.”
“I'm steering,” Sam declares, although neither Bucky or you even knew how. “I'm Captain on and off land, so let's go.”
The boat is nice, large enough for a handful of people. It only takes about twenty minutes to leave the dock, after getting settled and making sure everything was accounted for. Sam takes to the wheel and whistles when the engine comes on, Bucky rolls his eyes but the smile on his face is clear as the day. You sit across from him as Sam takes the boat out into the middle of the lake. Bucky catches your eyes several times, always looking down at his lap with a bashful expression. You try to not overthink his looks and just enjoy the ride of it all. When Sam is finally satisfied with the perfect spot, the three of you gather in the middle of the boat with drinks in hand.
“To Steve, if it wasn't for him, I wouldn't have either of you in my life,” Sam proposes, nodding his head to Bucky and you. “Now whether that is a good or bad thing is up for interpretation.”
“Jackass,” Bucky mutters, but you laugh, like you always do. It's a simple, telling laugh that clutches Bucky by the heart each time he hears it. A laugh that eases him in any situation, a laugh he misses at night when he is alone in his apartment.
“To Steve,” you declare, holding up your beer. The two men follow suit and you allow Sam one sip before taking it away. He obliges and lets you, finishing it off. The men applaud you, even though you apologize for the small burp that comes out of your mouth.
“It's fine,” Bucky smiles, taking the empty can from you. “It's kind of cute.”
Sam's eyes widen and he claps his hands together. “I'm going to check on the wheel real quick, make sure everything is good. Then we eat, I made some bomb ass sandwiches.”
Bucky tries to ignore the wink Sam gives him before making himself scarce. He's almost too afraid to glance your way as you sit back down. He manages to take his seat, quickly stealing a look at you. His heart races as your eyes stare back, his face tightens.
“I miss him,” you whisper and Bucky immediately understands.
“Yeah, I miss the punk too.”
Looking down at the beer can in your hand, you sigh. “He really just went and made a life for himself. You knew, didn't you? Sam didn't. I didn't.”
Bucky's eyes move down to his lap, his throat warm as he nods. “He told me his plan and who was I to stop him? I couldn't do that to him. Sam and you, you were his closes friends – he...he didn't want to hurt you two.”
“I understand, but can I ask you something?”
“Of course.”
“Why didn't you go back?”
Everything seems to go quiet as the question touches Bucky's ears. This was a question no one ever thought to ask. A question he has asked himself plenty of times until he was finally able to gather an answer – an answer he never had a reason to say out loud. He opens his mouth, but his chance is interrupted by Sam's reappearance.
“Whose hungry?”
The food is delicious, the three of you sit around and eat for the next hour. The air is fresh as each of you take turns telling a Steve story, the boat is flooded with laughter as the tales are told. Bucky takes to recalling old days, Sam brings up the time Steve took him to a ball game, and you mention all the failed attempts at getting Steve a date. The afternoon slowly turns into a soft evening as fireworks light up the lake. The screams of delight fill the air as Sam, Bucky, and you stand side by side. The boat rocks gently, causes you to stumble into Bucky. He grins and takes a hold of your shoulder with his hand, as Sam claps and hollers at the light show. He is not paying attention to his friends, instead he's taking video on his cell for Sarah and his nephews.
“Are you okay?”
“Metaphorically or in the moment?”
Bucky's face softens and whispers, “In the moment.”
You ignore the booms of the fireworks surrounding the lake, instead focusing on the weight of his fingers on your shoulder. “I'm good, you?”
Slowly, his smile fades and he glances over to Sam. He is either to busy recording the show or is trying to be a good friend by pretending nothing is happening between his friends. Bucky looks back at you and sighs. “I have an answer to your question. I – I thought about this a lot. I want to tell you.”
Bucky's eyes seem vulnerable and it is something you do not take lightly. Having know him for years now, you always have made sure to take things at his pace. Your friendship was what you had always offered to Bucky, because that was what he needed after Steve left. Yet, love slowly crept its way into your heart a few years back. Sam was the only person aware, his encouraging words were always a blessed curse, because what if the feelings were not mutual?
Losing Bucky, after losing Steve, would only hurt more.
“Tell me,” you whisper back, heart racing.
He looks up at the sky, for encouragement before laying his eyes on you. “Steve, he had something to go back to. At the end of the day, he was still that boy from Brooklyn. I wasn't, I wasn't the same, after everything, going back – going back would have been torture. I had to settle things here and going back would have been running away. That's why I couldn't go with him.”
You stare at him as his hand slips from your shoulder, but before it could reach his side, you take it. His hand is warm as you hold onto it tightly, struggling to get the words out. Holding onto his hand as the fireworks explode into the sky, the colors reflecting in Bucky's eyes. It was obscene, the look in his eyes as you felt his thumb across your skin. It was a look of something more than lust, it was fate.
“You've atoned, Bucky. You are a free man, this world belongs to you.”
His eyes close for a moment, heart racing as the feeling of something new bursts colors into his insides. All the atonement, the self reflection had gotten him here – on a boat with his best friend and the woman of his life. This, it felt, was what it was all about.
The torture, the self hatred, the loneliness.
Bucky was truly free now.
All that is left, the last thing on his list, is you.
Looking over to Sam, he chuckles when he realizes his friend has once again disappears. Grinning, Bucky squeezes your hand before gently pulling you towards him. Your hand falls on his chest and he reaches up to touch the side of your face. Your heart is racing, as his is. The two of you can not manage a single world, but as the fireworks illuminate the sky in a grand finale, he kisses you on the lips.
#bucky#bucky barns x reader#bucky x reader#bucky x y/n#bucky barnes#marvel#ivonnes imagine#bucky barnes fluff
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Meet Me In The Hallway (3)
Pairing: Sky x reader
Summary: Stella is losing patience and when you follow Sky into the forest to find the Burned One, she lets part of your secret slip as a warning.
Tagging: @grey-girl @intoanothermind @bitchwhytho @music-of-melody
Series Masterlist
“I thought I saw you leave Sky’s room and then I thought… That can’t be true. Y/N wouldn’t be stupid enough to do that when they know what I know.”
You really hate Stella. Slowly, you turn around to face her preparing yourself for the venomous smile she no doubt has plastered on her face. Barely anytime has gone by but you’re already getting very tired of having her threaten you.
“Silva is hurt. He needed someone to comfort him. That’s all.” You’re dog-tired wishing for a peaceful sleep but Stella has other plans.
“If Sky needs comforting, I will make sure he gets it. Not you.” It baffles you how she claims to care for him when all she does it look after her own needs. Frankly, you don’t care who gets to comfort him as long as he’s not alone. You’d give up just about anything to make sure he’s happy but Stella seems to think it’s him who should give up everything for her.
“Are you really that selfish you’ll put your own happiness above his?” you dare ask tired of her games.
“I’m going to give you one last chance to fix this,” she starts completely ignoring your question.
“I have to stay away from him. I get it,” you interrupt her about to turn around and walk away when she stops you.
“I want you to convince him to go on a date with me. He’s been too occupied sulking over you to show any interest in me. I want you to make him realise that I’m the obvious choice.” She must’ve lost her mind. For a whole minute you simply just stare at her taking her words in. She wants you to convince Sky to fall in love with her. In the middle of everything going on with Silva. Is she completely mental?
“Did you hear me or do I need to repeat myself?” In an attempt to act unbothered, she checks her nails but you see right through her. All the insecurities and abandonment issues shine bright in the dark and you briefly pity her. Everyone has heard the rumours of her mother and the way she’s been treated, but you came from a horrible life too and you didn’t turn into a bitch.
“I heard you.”
“Great. You can tell him I’ll be waiting in my room.” She walks past you not even bothering to ask how Silva is doing. Despite your need for some proper sleep, you decide to head down to the greenhouse. Mr. Harvey is adding a fresh coat of the herb mix to Silva’s wounds.
“Sky is sleeping,” you quickly say to easy Silva’s mind. He sits back down revealing the pain he’s in.
“Can I help with anything?” you ask needing something to occupy your mind from what Stella asked of you. How can you focus on that when Silva could be dying?
“Maybe you could cool me down again? It really helped me rest.” You oblige placing your hand on his forehead and channeling just the slightest magic into the palm of your hand. It’s an instant effect when the ice hits him. Slowly his skin returns to a normal shade rather than the hot red it was mere minutes ago.
“Thank you,” he whispers lying down on the table again. It must be really bad if he’s so willing to show weakness. In the time you’ve known Silva, he’s never shown weakness about anything. You know it would be a different story if Sky were here though. He’d never want Sky to know just how much pain he’s in and you can’t blame him. It would crush Sky.
“No problem. I can come back in a few hours to do it again?” You look to Mr. Harvey for signs whether that’s a good idea or not. He gives you a quick nod before continuing his work. You mean to head to your room but you spot a blonde boy who’s sneaking out the backdoor.
“Are you kidding me?” With a sigh, you follow him outside realising that he’s heading straight for the forest.
“Sky, where are you going?” you ask and the sound of your voice stops him dead in his tracks.
“I’m going to find the Burned One that got Saul. I can’t just sit around and do nothing.” He’s not looking at you. Probably because he knows you’ll try to talk him out of it.
“Please stay. Marco is out looking as we speak and I’m sure he’ll find it.” You’re desperate to keep him protected within the barrier but you’re always painfully aware of the fact that Sky is one of the most stubborn people you’ve ever met. You’re not sure you’ll be able to convince him especially now that you’re broken up.
“I’m not waiting for someone else to save him. Saul is all I have left.” It’s a brutal reminder of what you took from him when you ended things and it tugs at your heartstrings just how badly you hurt him.
“Then I’m coming with you.” If he’s going out there, you need to be there too. You’d never forgive yourself if something happened to him and you had the chance to stop it.
“You’re not going with me,” he says as if he has any say at all.
“If you’re going, I’m going. Package deal, remember?” It’s something you started saying after Riven kept commenting on the fact that you never went anywhere without each other and up until recently you never have. He doesn’t look pleased but he also doesn’t say no. He just hands you a small dagger for you to hold onto to. You grab hold of the water drops lying on the grass and freeze them before levitating them in the air.
“I think I’m good.” He takes the dagger back without a word and proceeds to the forest. It’s a long trek but you don’t complain. You asked to be here and as much as you hate the uncomfortable silence that’s formed between the two of you, you’re glad you’re here. There’s no point in the search because it’s impossible to figure out what direction the Burned One headed but all you can do is keep a lookout and hope you get lucky.
“Stop,” you whisper grabbing hold of his sleeve. He stops moving but you feel the shiver in his arm where your fingers grazed his skin.
“Sorry,” you mumble letting go of him. A little further ahead, you see something move. Sky pulls out his sword and you channel your feelings ready to freeze it in place. It’s not the first time you and Sky has worked together, but it is the first time it’s been outside of training.
“I freeze, you stab.” He nods hardly moving a muscle. You direct your power at the Burned One freezing every part of it to keep it from moving. You hold it in place feeling the fire inside of it trying to beat your ice but as you see Sky run towards it, you feel more motivated than ever to win. He stabs it right through its core and when you feel its resistance die out, you let go of control. It falls to the ground officially dead.
“We did it,” you say out of breath. How you haven’t passed out from sleep deprivation yet is beyond you but it’s catching up to you now.
“I’ll call Silva,” you say ignoring the need to fall asleep right here on the ground. It takes two rings before he picks up shouting about how irresponsible you are for taking off and hunting Burned Ones yourself. He doesn’t say thank you, but you know it’s hidden between the lines.
“He’s definitely feeling better,” you say once he’s done giving both of you an earful. He demands you both return to school at once and now that you’ve killed the right one, you can oblige easily.
“Thank you for coming with me,” Sky says on your way back.
“Of course. I know what Silva means to you.” This time the silence is comfortable almost as if nothing went wrong between the two of you. But Stella’s ultimatum is still weighing heavy on your mind.
“Can I ask you to do something without any questions?” you ask him right before you reach the barrier.
“What is it?” he asks but you need him to promise you before you tell him. You know he’ll never agree to it otherwise.
“Promise me,” you say pausing just before the barrier. From here you can see the school and the students training out on the grass as if it’s just a normal day. But to them it probably is.
“I promise.”
“I need you to take Stella on a date.” His glare might just pierce you from pure anger.
“No questions. You promised!” He’s about to protest but stops himself. He’s a man of his word even if he hates it right now.
“Fine.” He starts walking leaving you behind. The second people spot you, they stare at you like you just arrived with the circus.
“Is that them?”
“Do you think it’s true?”
“Are we in danger?” Everyone is whispering and pointing fingers making you feel incredibly uncomfortable. You notice Musa not too far away and head over to her.
“What’s going on?” Before she has a chance to tell you, a first year taps you on the shoulder. A bunch of girls are watching from afar making it obvious that the first year in front of you is here on a dare.
“Is it true?” she asks continuously looking back at her friends.
“Is what true?” you ask confused ignoring the sneaking suspicion you feel.
“Is it true that you’re a changeling?”
#sky x reader#sky blurb#sky imagine#sky gif#sky#fate the winx saga#fate the winx club#fate winx club#winx saga#winx club#fate winx#fate
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for one night standards would you write a scene where aelin cant be found in the castle maybe bc shes doing sth ridiculous with her daughter like a mother daughter photoshoot to surprise rowan with later but when rowan can't find her he gets all panicked and out of his mind bc he still has unresolved trauma from when she was kidnapped and its all angsty until he has both back in his arms but also gives rowan a chance to talk and work through his experience with aelin gone? (because lets face it he probably ignores his feelings about that as much as possible in order to not burden aelin further and because it was just too painful)
loved this idea!!! i also added the prompt “Because I know when I open my eyes this will all turn out to be a dream and I’ll lose you again“ Thank you to everyone who supported ONS!! i had such a fun time writing it and im always happy to come back to it. enjoy!!
~~~
Rowan Whitethorn was generally a patient man.
He knew how to wait his turn, to take his time. He was always one to raise a brow at those who seemed to be in a harried rush to everything. It seemed stressful, to say the least. He was perfectly content to sit back when needed.
Except for now.
He had made a trip back home to Doranelle to surprise Isolde for her graduation from her masters program. Aelin had wanted to come as well, but with the baby and the responsibilities she had back in Orynth, it just hadn’t worked out. Still, she sent her well-wishes to Isolde through a video chat, letting little Eliora babble into the camera and say hello as well.
Their daughter was just over six months now, already growing far too fast for Rowan’s liking. He treasured every moment he got to spend with his two favorite girls.
And although he was always happy to see his family back in Doranelle, it had been the longest he had been away since Eliora had been born. It made him highly impatient to return home.
His jet touched down in Terrasen in the early afternoon. It was summer, though the day was mild. The sky was a vivid blue, fat white clouds floating lethargically on the breeze. Absolutely beautiful.
Due to the time difference, he hadn’t been able to call Aelin before he had got on the plane. He tried to reach her as he slid into the dark sedan that would drive him from the airport to the palace, but all he got was her voicemail.
Maybe she was in the shower, or changing Eliora’s diaper. Maybe their daughter had a finicky night of sleeping and now the pair were trying to catch up on their slumber. It was fine. Or so Rowan told himself. He still hadn’t been able to stop the small clench of nerves at the pit of his stomach.
He scolded those foolish feelings. Of course his wife and daughter were safe. They were just waiting for him to return.
The drive was quick and easy and he was back at the palace before he knew it. His feet carried him towards the room he shared with Aelin, a small smile curling on his lips as he thought about having his wife and daughter in his arms once more. He missed the feeling of Aelin curled against him as they slept.
“Aelin?” he called, pushing into their room and nudging the door shut behind him. “I’m home.”
He was greeted by nothing but silence. No sound of running water in the bathroom to suggest a shower, so soft snores or shifting sheets meaning a nap. He strode into the bedroom, finding that the bed was already neatly made, not a thread out of place.
He dropped his bags by the dresser, noting that Aelin’s phone had been left there, face up. He picked it up, seeing that she still had the notification of a missed call from him and a few miscellaneous emails that hadn’t been checked.
“Aelin?” he said again, moving towards the nursery. He had gotten used to the sight of Aelin sitting in the rocking chair with Eliora, either when the babe was hungry or she just wanted to hold her daughter. Rowan had countless pictures on his phone of the two of them in that position. The sunlight streamed from the window and hit them just right in the mornings, making them look like a painting.
But the nursery was empty and the window was shut.
Those nerves reared their ugly heads once more. He had no reason to assume the worst, the palace was one of the safest places in the kingdom.
But… Aelin had once been snatched away from him on palace grounds. During their own wedding.
Rowan shook himself. No. That was the past. This was now.
Since his wife didn’t have her phone, he knew it would be fruitless to try and contact her that way. But, Rowan knew Aelin better than he knew himself.
He began a sweep of the palace, checking out her favorite haunts. The library was a bust, so was the gym. He had checked the kitchens to see if she had swooped in for a snack or something sweet, but she wasn’t there either. Rowan luckily ran into Aedion, asking the prince if he knew where Aelin was. But her cousin hadn’t seen her at all that morning.
With each failed attempt at finding them, Rowan’s fears steadily crept up. It wouldn’t be much longer before they had wrapped themselves around his throat and pulled him deep into their depths.
He took a long breath to center himself before striding out into the gardens. His heart started beating faster, not seeing any sign of her at first. Rowan’s fingers curled into tight fists as he stepped over fresh, green grass. Gods, where were they? If something had happened to them…
But before Rowan’s fears could conquer him, he heard a soft voice on the summer breeze. A familiar voice at that. Relief washed through him, heavenly and soothing, as he followed that melodic sound.
It was Aelin. It didn’t take him long to realize that she was reading one of Eliora’s favorite books to her. It was a silly tale, and it was made even more vivid when Aelin told it. She was an excellent story-teller. They didn’t know how much Eliora really understood, whether she just liked the brightly colored pictures or the faces her mother would make when she told it. Regardless, it always made the little princess smile.
Rowan rounded a hedge, a warmth spreading through his chest at the sight before him.
Aelin had spread out a large quilt under the shade of a willow. Some of Eliora’s toys were scattered about, but currently, the toddler sat in her mother’s lap, wide-eyes glued on the book before her.
Rowan couldn’t help but think Aelin looked stunning today. Her golden hair was left loose, swaying on the breeze, the summer sun bringing a healthy flush to her cheeks. She wore a silky, pale blue wrap-dress, bare feet tucked beneath her as she read. Eliora looked mighty charming too in a bright pink dress with a matching bow.
Rowan strolled towards them, Aelin’s eyes jumping towards him as she noticed his presence. A huge smile broke out on her stunning face.
“You’re home!” she greeted, putting the book she had been reading aloud down. Eliora, no longer entertained by her mother’s storytelling, crawled over the quilt to grab one of her brightly colored toys. “I thought you were going to call me when you landed?”
“I did, Fireheart,” Rowan said. He lowered herself behind Aelin on the blanket, his wife situated between his legs, before wrapping his arms tightly around her and tugging her back into his chest securely. “You left your phone in our room.”
Rowan placed a lingering kiss on Aelin's shoulder, breathing in her scent deeply. She was safe, in his arms, Eliora happy as can be, sticking her toys in her mouth. Everything was fine.
Aelin turned in his arms slightly, brows knitted slightly. Rowan knew she could see right through him.
“What is it, Ro?”
“It’s nothing, love.”
Aelin narrowed her eyes at him, as if to say, Don’t you lie to me, Buzzard.
Rowan heaved a sigh, reaching out and brushing some of Aelin’s silky hair behind her ear. “It’s just… you didn’t answer me when I called, and I couldn’t find you and Eliora when I got back. I just couldn’t help but think…” His hand drifted until it rested on Aelin’s abdomen, right over the scar she bore from fighting her way to freedom. He saw understanding on his wife’s face.
“We’re here, Rowan. We’re safe.” She placed a gentle hand on Rowan’s cheek, bringing his gaze towards her.
“I know,” Rowan whispered, jaw clenched. “But sometimes, I just worry that when I open my eyes, this will all turn out to be a dream. And I’ll lose you all over again.”
Aelin took his hand, giving it a firm squeeze. “This is real, Rowan. We both fought for this life, for each other. And nothing, nothing, is going to take it away. Ever.”
Rowan saw the determination blazing in Aelin’s eyes. She was right, of course. This was their life now, they had built their happiness bit by bit, even when so much seemed to want to go wrong. But Aelin and Eliora… they were everything to him. He didn’t know if he would ever be able to banish his fears entirely, but he would treasure every moment he spent with them.
Rowan leaned in, kissing Aelin softly before murmuring against her lips, “I missed you.”
She smiled, kissing him again. “I missed you too, Ro.”
They indulged in a few more slow, sweet kisses before loud babbling sounded, tiny hands twisting into Rowan’s trouser. He looked down, finding Eliora’s wide eyes looking up at him, flashing a gummy smile.
Aelin laughed. “It looks like someone else missed you, too.”
Rowan grinned, reaching out and picking up his daughter. He held her up high, making her release the sweetest little laughs, little legs kicking in delight. He kissed Eliora all over her little face before tucking her in one arm, throwing the other around Aelin. Immense love and devotion flowed through him, holding his two girls close.
No wonder why he had been so impatient to get home.
#rowaelin#my writing#one night standards#its cute :)#love this au#what if i just changed the names and some details and turned it into a book
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Violet Evergarden Ever After: Chapter 1
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Stories end one day once they begin. With that in mind, one might deem clinging to themselves, to other people or to anything else in the world as a little foolish. Same for how fiercely their heart was burning. Or how it cried for these things. It would all disappear like a dream eventually. One could think that even just putting in some effort was meaningless. Yet it had started.
Born through some sort of cue, anyone would breathe. Open their eyes. Learn to let out their voice. Figure how to walk. Come to understand what love was. Receive affection. Find out that it was a sickness, and either stop or give continuity to it. Nobody was taught how to cure it. There were also those who never even once accepted it from anyone.
Whatever the case, no one was allowed to stop for as long as they were part of this story, of this world. While living, people would be continuously be involved with death. But if morning came, night would also follow. Hunger would abate and sleep would invite one to the floor. Even after losing love, people craved for it. With its eyes cast down to forfeit, the world gradually emitted a new shine. Manifestation of beauty and hideous collapses were in progress at the same time. There was no eternity, but things went on. The story would continue. The world would go round. Even if it would meet its end one day.
Even without you there, morning would come.
Blue eyes opened.
Purple flower petals fluttered gently in front of her eyes and passed her. They touched her as if to cause tickles, and then disappeared. The illusions of the past that had been surfacing dissipated slowly.
Her wild beast self and her named self. All of the past dissolved into reality, dragged back into the present. Here, there was neither a beast nor the man that it used to call “Major”.
The boat lethargically moved through a large river, an Auto-Memories Doll on it. The rowing of the boater, who wore a big hat, was quite something. For it to cause a chance meeting between her and her past, that had to be a good boater.
The girl, Violet – Violet Evergarden – was looking for someone.
Whenever she opened her eyes, she would wind up doing it. Looking for the person who had given her as much as he could give and then vanished. Looking for the person that she had hurt as much as she could hurt and not managed to protect.
Of course, he was nowhere in sight. There was no way he would be in such a place. She knew it. However, she would end up searching. Her most beloved lord had supposedly died long ago, yet she would find herself searching for him. Even an apparition would do; she only wanted to see him at least one more time.
The world he was gone from had livened up anew and its colors were vibrant. Violet had to live in said world. She had to live in this fresh hell. She could no longer receive orders. Neither could she chase after his back. There were limits to what she could do.
It was easy for people to tell her to move on. However, that was a great difficulty for her. Violet had been told to live. Just as ordered, without attempting to die, she was living while burdened with this difficulty.
“Miss, what is it you’re looking for?”
At that time, Violet was still not a full-fledged human.
The Rose and the Auto-Memories Doll
“Wait,” I prayed.
The dark red ribbons tying her golden hair. The pleats on her white ribbon-tie dress. The light blue umbrella. As if playing around, all of these things fluttered in the wind.
——Wait for me.
It was hard to breathe. Flowers from the jacaranda trees were blocking my field of vision. Their beauty erased everything that could be seen. Yet they were nothing but a hindrance now. What I yearned for wasn’t them.
——Please, wait for me.
Tears welled up. I didn’t know whether they were tears of sadness, relief or frustration.
I didn’t understand anything anymore. What was I doing? I didn’t know. Surely, I had never known. I didn’t even know that I was hurting.
——Wait.
If there was one thing I knew, it was that I wanted her to take me away from here.
“Violet, wait.”
That was all.
——So please, wait up; don’t leave me behind.
It was spring. When it came to the four seasons, spring was surely the best one.
I first met her at a time when lilac blossoms were in bloom. Lightly, nimbly, they fluttered down. It was a season where purple flower petals danced in the sky. Spring. A season of sprouting.
What color came to people’s minds when they talked about spring, I wondered. It was probably a different one depending on where each of them lived. Pink cheery blossoms were scattered around higher lands. I had heard that bougainvillea flowers dyed a certain region in pure white. Apparently, the sight of green stems stretching out from within the snow thaw was the face of spring in some places. As for me, when the topic was spring, it had to be jacaranda trees.
The Jacaranda River was located among the mountains of the d’Arthur Region at southwest of the continent. It was a large river surrounded by steep mountains that rose like giants. Bearing the same name, jacaranda trees were planted along said river as if to enclose it, and during the flowering seasons, the color of the water surface would turn violet.
Ordinary trees had their branches, fruits and leaves pointed downward, but jacaranda flowers grew pointing upward, almost like a hand holding a bouquet. Just one of those flowering trees was already a feast to the eyes, so it was simply magnificent when there were many of them together. The sky was blue; the earth was a cloud of purple. Even God would easily let out a sigh when looking down at this scene from the heavens.
There were countless small communities in the vicinities of the Jacaranda River, and in order to go from the outside to a piece of land that had a settlement on it, one basically had to move by boat. Hence why it was so easy for the people who lived in this neighborhood to become sailors as a job. The pay, in contrast, was not so rewarding, but not to the point of making anyone go hungry. People coming from other places would gather into crowds to see the jacaranda trees during springtime and there was demand from the locals even outside of the busy seasons. So I would continue on my job here forever and never lose it.
In this world, inside this little story of mine, I had an encounter with her.
“Excuse me; I heard that there is a village beyond this point. Is it possible to cross the river?”
A foreign object appeared in that tiny world of mine.
“Hello. Yes, I go there often. This is how much it costs and the payment is in advance.”
Her name would eventually roar throughout the business, but at this time, she was a ghostwriter girl who had barely started to travel the world.
“I do not mind. It will be my pleasure.”
“We usually put the names of the customers on an account book. May I have your name?”
That was how she and I met.
“It is Violet Evergarden.”
To be honest, she was the kind of person who could cause people’s time to stop in fascination for a brief moment. This ferry port was crowded in spring. There were many other people around, so of course, I could spot several beautiful men and women who showed up for sightseeing, but she was unlike any of them. No matter what background was behind her, she would only be a strange object in it. Be it rainy or sunny days, winter or spring days. Regardless of whatever the world was clad in, one would find their eyes going towards her. Beauty was not the only reason for it. Her scent was different from that of other living things.
——It’s similar to the feeling I got... when seeing a deer in the mountains for the first time.
Right, a wild beast. She was like a beautiful wild beast. If such a stunning beast appeared in front of anyone’s eyes all of a sudden, they would surely stare fixatedly at it. This one had blue eyes and its mane was golden.
“Please treat me well.”
“Ah, yes.”
Her voice was clear, her gestures elegant.
“Is there anything wrong with my appearance?”
“No, no; not at all. Nothing at all.”
She was full of mysteries that other people would not be allowed to touch so easily.
Her outfit might also be at fault. She was well-dressed in a way that one wouldn’t see around this area. A Prussian-blue jacket, a white ribbon-tie dress and cocoa-brown boots that could be deemed as brand-new. An emerald brooch shone radiantly over the ribbon tie. I had but one toy similar to her when I was a child. That young woman was literally just like a doll. On top of it, even the name I asked for matched her lovely looks, to the point I felt like humming without thinking.
“Ms. ‘Violet Evergarden’. All... right. Now, if you please.”
It was a good name. Like an actor’s. I had never watched a play or anything of the sort, though.
“Thank you very much for your patronage today. I am the safest operator around here. Boater Valentine.”
Once the name was written down and the fare was received, my work began.
The customers would be hesitant when getting on the boat regardless of whether they were men or women, but Violet differed from them. She got on it without a sound, quickly sat down and postured herself in waiting for me to start rowing.
Whatever thoughts she was engrossed in, she quietly closed her eyes after taking a glance at the scattering jacaranda flowers. It was a day of warm sunlight and pleasant wind, so she might have become sleepy. The comfortable silence continued for a while. I thought about leaving her alone, but perhaps because the petals that rode on the wind and flew about had tickled her cheeks, she opened her blue eyes. The scenery of earlier was not supposed to be any different, yet she looked left and right as if searching for someone.
“Miss, what is it you’re looking for?”
As I asked so, Violet moved her neck with a twitch like a small animal and looked my way. After a short moment, the answer came in a low voice with an “it is nothing”. She seemed a bit dispirited.
She looked like an uncommunicative person, so I did think she might not go along with a boater’s talk, but wanting a change in mood, I kept on speaking, “Miss, you are in luck. Now is the best time to view them. The jacarandas.”
“Is that so?”
She was kind of a weird girl. Her manner of speech was weak in emotion.
“For me, this is the time to make money. When this period passes, people stop coming to this remote region. This is my main occupation, but many people do boat rowing as a side-job too. When spring is over, they do farming. Miss... it does not seem that you are here for sightseeing. Is it for work?”
“Yes.”
“Is it a job related to boats?”
“No.”
“My, wrong guess. You don’t get scared of the swaying, so I thought you were used to it.”
“Is that how it looks?”
After we spoke that much, Violet finally stopped searching and moved her gaze towards me.
“You do. It feels like you have no fears.”
Silence drifted about. Rather than ignoring me, she seemed to be having difficulty choosing her words.
Until this mysterious beauty spoke up, I was smoothly cutting the surface of the water with the oar. Maybe due to her baggage being heavy, the propelling was slower than I had predicted. She was a slim young woman no matter how I looked at her, so her luggage was probably the one to blame for the rowing’s bad flow. Come to think of it, a low screeching sound ensued whenever she moved. She might have some sort of manufactured item on her.
“You are right. I have been with the navy before, so...”
Oops, the conversation was back.
“Is your family from the military?”
“No, just me. My military service record was ultimately the army. But before the army... the person that I served was a navy officer.”
The reply was covered in enigmas. Her profile was cold. The way she talked was perfectly fitting of a mysterious beauty.
I thought this strange client was a little scary, but let out my curiosity just a bit more. I had never gone outside of these lands, so I loved chatting with the customers.
“I can’t believe it. To think that someone like you used to be a soldier...”
She had no idea what the description “like you” represented. This impression showed through just slightly in her facial expression.
I rode with many people, so I sort of had my own theories about them. I felt like students from renowned schools would make this into a laughingstock if I were to call it a “philosophy”, but... people communicated the actual state of their emotions through the blinking of their eyes, the way they opened their mouths, the highs and lows of their voices and other such things.
They were extremely scarce in this girl, but I could perceive them. Seriously. I was an expert at “observing” others.
“Do you get troubled when people coax you or something like that?”
As I asked out of curiosity, Violet once again had a question mark over her face, but after a while, she blinked as if to say, “I have arrived to an answer for the inquiry” and gave me an unexpected reply. “In my travels, I am sometimes invited by people to become their bodyguard after saving them. I am an Auto-Memories Doll, so I decline them politely,” she said.
I was asking in a romantic sense, so that could not be considered an answer to my question.
What a strange doll. What an odd girl.
——My life would be wonderful if I were born with these looks.
On first meetings, one’s eyes would go to people’s physical appearance first and foremost. Everyone had a preferred type of face, right? I accidentally ended up comparing hers to mine.
Perhaps as I was always wearing a big straw hat so that my skin wouldn’t be damaged by sunburns, my hair was squashed. Even if I took off the hat, the platinum-blond color could get me mistaken for a grizzly old man. Other girls of the same age as me sparkled so much, and yet, just what was I? Being in the same space as them was embarrassing... No, let’s leave what the eyes could see aside. I should serve the customer; serve the customer.
“Beautiful here, isn’t it? These are jacaranda flowers.”
“‘Jacaranda’...”
“Ah, they sell fruits on that boat over there. Want to buy any?”
“No.”
“Do I talk too much? Ah, look! That bird is very rare. Can you tell it has the color of emeralds? It’s called ‘gemstone bird’. The feathers they drop are my treasures.”
“It is beautiful.”
“I think so too! I might get along well with you. What do you usually do to pass the time?”
During my and Violet’s short boat-riding trip, she told me the following:
She worked for a certain postal company from a military nation in the far south named Leidenschaftlich.
She was a newbie Auto-Memories Doll there.
Through her current commission, it was her first time coming to these lands.
Before arriving here, she drove two groups of bandits away.
She was told by her boss to bring him local specialties of this area as souvenir.
That was it. She had many stories about her boss.
“So the president and employees are close in your company, huh.”
“Is that so... No, you are right. Our company has just barely been built and there are few employees. If the number of unit members is small, the distance between them and the commander naturally grows shorter. Yes, to someone like me, whose origins are unknown, he is a compassionate person.”
“You don’t have to talk like that about yourself...”
“It is true. I am an orphan and do not know where I was born.”
I added “orphan” to the information about Violet that I had inside me. The things that had happened to this person dictated the air about her, I thought. Was that the reason why she seemed somewhat lonely?
“But now I have people who look after me.”
“Your boss.”
“Yes. And a kind elderly couple as well.”
“Aah, good for you. Being alone is sad. If you have someone to be with, that’s better. So you used to be in the military but you’re not a soldier anymore now that the war ended. You got yourself a new job and family, is what you’re saying.”
“Yes.”
“You’re sailing smoothly!”
“No.”
Even though I expressly tried to conclude it with good vibes, it was denied.
“I have many problems.” There was a slight creasing between Violet’s eyebrows. “I don’t yet know if I have the aptitude to be an Auto-Memories Doll... I was given a lady’s education and I have studied languages and other such things, but it is hard to say whether or not I can make effective use of that. I have retained the fighting power... but I am in a state where I do not know how to use it.” The tone of her voice faded a little at the end.
“How are you working like that now?” I asked purely out of concern. After all, she was an Auto-Memories Doll.
I came across all sorts of clients, but she was my first Auto-Memories Doll one. It was a job in which people used ghostwriting as their weapon and rushed around the world. I heard there were many women in that occupation, but I never thought a girl as old as me would be doing it. She could very well be writing for a princess from some other country while I was here, rowing a boat.
“Letters have standard sentences. In most cases, if we add the desired content to those standard sentences that we have memorized, they will take form.”
“Hm, hm, I see.”
“However, it cannot be said that letter you wished to write so much to the point of requesting an Auto-Memories Doll was achieved with this. If we cannot correspond to the expectations, we are failures as tools. Therefore, we are once entrusted with the request’s contents, suggest a few types of details, choose the best ones and accept additional demands, should there be any... then repeat. There are also times when my abilities are not enough...”
“You mean contents you can’t write?”
“Any sort of letter can be shaped to a certain extent as long as there is time. It is a combination, after all. However, I am not well-versed in the art of conversation that entertains people. I am told that I am ‘boring’ or ‘unfriendly’ and am often dismissed by the clients.”
She somewhat convinced me. I was terribly sorry for that. But it might indeed be difficult for someone to feel like composing a letter in a fun way with her. If they were hiring her for serious contents, that was a different story.
“Moreover, we normally have to understand the circumstances that our clients are in... Let’s see; it is similar to, for example, approaching someone who is injured. I am supposed to write such letters, but I do not yet understand what a good letter is. It is hard for me to say that I can manage it... In the end, I do not know if I have aptitude to be an Auto-Memories Doll. I am always asking myself whether or not it is all right for me to work in these conditions.”
Perhaps due to thinking a tad too hard, Violet said something incomprehensible – that “it would be much more efficient if our company’s president became an Auto-Memories Doll”. Wasn’t a president supposed to take care of the management?
But, surely... for Violet to be saying something like that about him, he had to be the kind of person who excelled at being considerate.
With the flow of the conversation, I tried asking what I was most interested in, “W-What do you do about love letters and the like?”
“Love letters?”
“Yes.”
It was a field of great concern for someone who had never had any sort of relation with it since birth.
“That is also a combination. You throw in verses from famous poems or songs... Classic romance novels are valuable reference materials as have quite a lot of rhetoric.”
As I received an answer much more direct than I had imagined, almost like boiled vegetables with no taste but their own, my shoulders dropped. I had expected her to reply that she used her own love experiences as reference, but Violet was an extremely serious bookworm. I was a bit ashamed of myself.
I then started the conversation over, “Must be hard that your first job is kind of all about stuff you’re not good at.”
As I said so, Violet dropped her gaze and spoke, “No, we have a bright female Auto-Memories Doll who is the complete opposite of me, so she is put in charge of cases like the ones I just mentioned. In contrast, a large number of transcription cases that are not letters but instead invoices and contract documents, or that require fast writing, come to me. Describing exactly what I see is my field of expertise.”
“I see; it’s a matter of having the right person in the right place. Your boss’s administration is good. So you’ve been managing it one way or another until now.”
“Yes. But this is my first business trip for ghostwriting.”
“F-First!” I accidentally let out a loud voice.
“Yes, my first.”
This girl was on her first ghostwriting business trip. I was sending her on a boat for that. It somewhat felt like I was involved with an awfully grandiose story, which made my heart race.
“Gets you nervous, doesn’t it?” I sought for agreement, but the one feeling nervous was me. “Will you be okay?”
But Violet did not seem to be okay.
“On ghostwriting business trips, the task is to finish it on the spot, and you must respond immediately. I cannot use the means that I have been using until now, such as taking time to write or securing time by cutting sleep and eating short.”
That may have been the reason for her aspect of weariness. Still, I was shocked. When we, boaters, did not want to take our boats out, we would refuse rides even if there were clients. It was a job where we had to have customers, but we decided the discretion on our own. I did not let the ones with a bad attitude on my boat ever again even if they asked. Above all, not eating was impossible. No one could row a boat if they were hungry or sleepy.
“You have to eat... Isn’t that the most important? And you have to sleep too!”
“The most important is accomplishing my missions.”
I could somewhat understand why this girl’s boss was so concerned about her. Since she was an ex-soldier, she was unable to get used to a peaceful life, and the job she had earned required a variety of emotions that did not fit her, so she was competing with knowledge and effort to make up for it. Talk about dangerous.
“But taking care of your health is also part of work.”
Violet cast down her golden eyelashes. What I said probably made her think.
“As I thought, I was better off as a soldier,” she whispered this bit by bit, out of the blue. As she caressed her emerald brooch, she fixed on it a stare that seemed to be burning.
“How come?”
“When I was in the military... all I had to do was chase after one person and protect him. I was always searching for an adult to follow.”
How was I supposed to describe this girl?
“I found myself the best master of all and used to live my life serving him.”
Rather than sincere, she was too candid. Almost like, yes, a child who knew nothing.
“It would have been great if it were like that forever.”
That was why, most likely...
“So he was someone important to you.”
...she honestly thought as much.
“More than anything.”
Her words probably held no lies.
“That’s good.”
She truly was currently apart from someone important to her and losing heart.
“But the war ended and everything changed. Things are different now. I have been separated from my master, and I must journey around the world all by myself with words and pens as my weapons.”
My country was a prosperous land that had not involved itself with the Continental War. Ever since I was born, I had never once enlisted. I had nothing to respond to her statements. That even though I had nosily asked so many questions – what a person I was.
“Erm... hum, can I say something?”
I wanted to cheer her up. But I had no idea how.
As I faltered, Violet shook her head. “I am sorry...”
She started apologizing for some reason, making me even more confused.
“I spoke too much. Forgive me for... tainting your ears.”
“Why? You didn’t do that at all.”
“I am told not to talk in too much detail about my history.”
“I-Isn’t it okay, though?”
“I must do as told.”
“But—”
“My deepest apologies. I said things that could disrupt you while you are in the middle of work.”
“B-But—”
“My deepest apologies.”
“Isn’t it okay?! You and I are just a customer and boater who can’t see each other anywhere but here!” again, I spoke loudly on accident.
I became a bit flustered. After all, she was apologizing. Even though she was just answering my insistent questions. Even though she was burdened with so much that she wound up unintentionally spilling it to a stranger like me.
“After you get out of this boat, we have no way of knowing what will happen to each other. So please never mind it.”
It was because I asked so persistently that the things she had been holding overflowed.
“It’s all good.”
There was something I could say exactly because I was a boater of a remote region.
“It’s all right,” I affirmed strongly, wanting to do something about those wavering eyes and her aspect of uncertainty. I might have been huffing fiercely too.
Violet looked at me with a gaze that looked like she had just woken up from a dream. And then she nodded with a meek face. “Yes.” Even though she had just nodded once, after a few tens of seconds later, she nodded again while saying, “Yes.”
After that, we eventually reached the shore without talking much.
From what I had heard, Violet’s patron was Mr. Lockhart, an elderly man famous for being rich even within his community. He was already quite old, so it was said that he did not have long.
“You go straight down the road. You should be able to see the village after a while, and Mr. Lockhart’s mansion is the one on highest ground. It has a white roof. The neighbor houses are all extravagant too, so don’t mistake it.”
“All right.”
“On the way back! If you also feel like going back together, look for me!”
“Yes, Mr. Valentine.”
Perhaps because I had asked for it, Violet actually did look for and called out to me as her ride for the way back. Maybe as I had listened to her life story, it kind of did not feel like we were strangers anymore.
After I intimidated and dispersed the other boatmen trying to take her as their customer, I asked, “How was the job? Did it go well?”
“I do not know.”
Silence.
“At first, he yelled at me, then crumpled the letters I wrote into balls one after another and tossed them away.”
“That’s horrible.”
“But once I presented improvement suggestions twenty-three times, he said he had ‘been defeated by my persistence’ and accepted the ghostwriting.”
“Ms. Violet, you actually have a strong competitive spirit, don’t you?”
Later on, according to what I had heard from people of his neighborhood, Mr. Lockhart was a mean geezer who, apparently high-strung from fighting against a disease, would hire people in order to bully them into quitting. My goodness. He was the type of person whom I would not want to associate myself with even once, so I guessed the fact that Violet would not have to deal with him anymore after just this one time was a blessing in disguise.
However, a few months thereafter...
“I will be ghostwriting a letter to Mr. Lockhart’s grandchild for a few months.”
...she showed up again holding a travel bag in one hand and reunited with me. Our interactions continued from that point onward.
I did not know what to name my involvement with Violet. We were not friends. We only ever met due to occupational matters and I never saw Violet other than when she came over for work.
“How did things go after that? Is business going well? We’re in the off season now, so I’m pretty free.”
“It seems that people of the postal industry are seeking not to take work away from those of the same line of business. We, Auto-Memories Dolls, usually receive work from the area surrounding our companies, but the number of business trips is increasing. However, it is hard to say if we are on track. Our president looks over his account book every day.”
As we were both from the hospitality businesses, we had worries in common. So I was also happy.
“My wallet gets really empty in the off season too. Well, I can live just fine with the amount I save up in spring... but I have to find a different job when I want something pricey.”
“A different job. Mr. Valentine, for how many years have you been a boater?”
I reminded myself of my ordinary life’s number of years and work history inside my head.
“Erm, I’ve been rowing for two years. But before that, I was something like a handyman, working in an orchard, taking care of other people’s babies, doing cleaning and washing, running errands and being an apprentice at a restaurant’s kitchen.”
“That is a wide variety.”
“My family’s poor. Dad and Mom are gambling addicts too... We’re so poor that we can’t survive without all of us working. I was eight when they told me I had to get a job because our finances weren’t going well.”
“That is commendable for someone so young.”
“No, Ms. Violet, you’re probably as old as me, right? Eh, how old are you?”
Perhaps she and I really did have a karmic connection, as I was always working whenever she came to these lands.
“Ms. Violet! If it isn’t Ms. Violet...!”
“Mr. Valentine. I was looking for you.”
“M-Me?”
“Yes. You told me to ask for you the first time we rode. I did this last time as well. Will you take out your boat today?”
“Of course! C-Can I ask again? You were looking for me?”
“Yes.”
“I’m so happy! Same for me! I wonder every day if you’re coming anytime soon... Now, now, customer! Please get onto the boat! Go ahead, go ahead. I have tons of things I want to tell you! I see~! So you were looking for me~!”
“Yes, I was.”
The air about her was like that of a tensely stretched thread, yet as time went by, she became able to show different facial expressions.
“You can’t smile?”
“No. I cannot say I have complaints about it, but... I receive such opinions from the clients quite frequently. For now, I am making physical attempts on it. Mr. Lockhart often lifts my cheeks. He tells me to practice. Yet... it does not work very well.”
“That old man is teaching you weird stuff... It’s the first time I’ve ever seen someone pick their cheeks up to form a smile.”
“Mr. Valentine... you excel at smiling. Do you have any trick for it?”
“Eh~, I’m just being carefree.”
“That is difficult for me.”
“Hm~, but that’s a secret of success.”
“‘Secret of success’...”
“This place is a dock, after all. For a kid like me to be working among men, I at least have to be good at acting friendly, or else I can’t survive.”
“Is that so?”
“Yes. That’s why this is something I’ve ingrained in me. Ms. Violet, you’re an ex-soldier, aren’t you? You couldn’t be carefree in the battlefield, so there is no helping that, right?”
“But... that has nothing to do with my clients.”
“Hm~, trying to be better is never too much, but from my standpoint as someone who is also in the hospitality business, I don’t think that is completely indispensable. We give the clients what they seek and they pay the fee. It is essentially this kind of equal relationship. You do not have to abase yourself more than necessary. Customers naturally come to people that do a fine job even if they are unsociable.”
“Is that so...?”
“It is. Someone who instead is friendly but can’t do the job at all is a problem. The fact that you became Mr. Lockhart’s purveyor means you write good letters. It seems he is very particular about his own matters. Y’know, you’re fit for people like that.”
“If so, that is good.”
“Don’t make that face. Shall I lift your cheeks?”
The things we had to talk about with each other whenever we met increased exactly because we were far apart from one another.
“Speaking of which, you are looking for someone, right? Did you find any clues?”
Our respective circumstances slipped in and out of sight.
“No...”
“But Auto-Memories Dolls have to go to all sorts of places, so there is still hope.”
“Yes. I also think that is the good point of being an Auto-Memories Doll.”
“That so...? Ms. Violet, did you choose to be an Auto-Memories Doll to search for someone?”
“No, perhaps I should say it is wishful thinking. I do not truly believe that I can find him. However...”
By that time, I had realized what the brooch was.
“...I can keep on living while thinking ‘what if’. That is the kind of job it is.”
That it was something related to the important person she had mentioned.
“Is that so...?” while speaking with a laidback voice, I incidentally thought about what that would be in my case.
What was I attached to enough that I would be this obsessed over it?
“You’re the opposite of me. I’m waiting for my family here.”
——If I do have any of that, it’d be the boat my dad used to ride.
“Do you live far away from each other?”
——The house that we all lived in together.
“Huuum... How should I put it? I was sent out to a different town for domestic service when I was eight... and I was completely convinced that my parents and older brother were living here.”
None of what I was attached to was things that could remain in my grasp. It was this land itself.
“When I came back, there was only our house. My family wasn’t in it.”
It was not something I could walk around with.
“They might’ve moved somewhere else... because they hated life here.”
Violet did not frown or make a puzzled face. She just quietly lent me an ear.
“I ran away from the place where I was doing domestic service, so I guess I missed their notice. I think they are troubled now. That they are looking for me. I also want them to come pick me up, but they never do...”
I myself understood. I knew I was saying odd stuff. Weird, wasn’t it? I was aware. If she called me crazy, it would be just the expected.
“Mr. Valentine, should you not be looking for them?”
That question gouged out just a little bit of the weakest part of my heart. Yes, just a little. It pierced me exactly because the person who asked it had stood up from her suffering and was running onward.
“If I leave this place, it’d be a problem...”
But Violet did not say I was wrong at all.
“It be a problem if, by any chance, my brother – no, either Dad or Mom decided to come back...”
She merely whispered a single sentence: “understood”.
Before I realized, I had started looking for her at the dock.
——Is she coming today? Not yet? She might come tomorrow.
“It’s been a while...! Has anything changed? We got to meet again because Mr. Lockhart is still alive, huh.”
“It has. Just that the personnel at my workplace increased again. Mr. Lockhart’s voice is so lively when he is angry that one would not imagine he has a disease. Mr. Valentine, what about you...?”
“Y’see, I’ve been going to study lately! I was influenced by you. I can read easy words, but I never went to school, so I’m bad at writing.”
“I could not write either. However, it should be all right as long as you practice.”
“I don’t have enough paper to practice writing, so I’ve been writing on the ground with a stick these days.”
“If you wish, please use these.”
“Eh, what are those? T-They look expensive. I can’t.”
“I also received paper and pens from someone just like this and began my studies. You can.”
“N-No can do! I can’t get something like that from my customer...!”
“You can.”
As the seasons passed, as the days and months went by, her aspect of anxiousness from when we first met diminished. She steadily built up a record of accomplishments as an Auto-Memories Doll.
“That umbrella is cute. It looks good with your clothes.”
“It is a gift. I also... find it adorable.”
“Is that a passionate request for a relationship from your client?”
“No, that is not it. This is a display of gratitude for my work from Mr. Oscar, the novelist...”
Much faster than I had imagined, yet surely, she was elegantly climbing up that brilliant stairway.
“Heeh, a novelist. I don’t know much about him, but that’s amazing. You might be working at some royal palace one of these days!”
“I have.”
“Eh?”
“I have. I wrote love letters on behalf of a princess from a country named Drossel.”
She became someone well-known around the neighborhood in no time.
How should I describe her vigor? Was “forceful enough to knock down birds in flight” too weird? She was an irresistible force that people were drawn to en masse. Somehow or other, she made a great leap in a blink of life.
Her popularity attracted more popularity, and it was amazing that her work had developed so much. There were such people at the dock too, but this could not be achieved without effort. But it did not look like there were ambitions or dreams to Violet’s efforts. Dream chasers had different eyes than ordinary people. She... her blue eyes were as quiet as a midwinter sea no matter in what season I peeked into them.
Her gaze made it seem like she was looking at me from a different world. As if she were staring up at everything from the bottom of the ocean. Yes, it was that kind of look.
She was there, yet was not. Her blue eyes were mirrors that made me feel like I was looking at myself before realizing it, when I was supposed to be looking at her. She herself was also this sort of person, with an attitude as if her mind was elsewhere.
Her fame... if I were to use a metaphor, she was a broken doll who got praised as a result of single-mindedly working on repeat. That was how it seemed in my eyes. Awful way of saying it, huh? But the Violet Evergarden I had first met had been hurt. She was just a hurt girl.
So I was honestly surprised. Because, at first, she didn’t look at all like a girl who would rush up into Auto-Memories Doll stardom from that point. Yes, she did not.
That might be due to the way we met. If I had met the current Violet instead, I would surely have thought, “Such a full-fledged Auto-Memories Doll”. But although she was indeed an eccentric girl, she did not look like that to me. To me... To me, she looked like nothing but a girl from the same generation as myself, stagnated in a world that she was tossed into. An uneasy girl, who had just started working. The type that definitely could be found anywhere all around the world.
One that was also similar to me. From that day, at that time.
“Dad, Mom, Big Bro, where are you?”
She was like me back when I was at a loss as I decided to live by myself.
With the passing years, Violet Evergarden had bloomed to the world into a marvelous lady before I even knew. Just as her name suggested, she was a girl who had blossomed beautifully.
No matter what, I ended up comparing her with myself... Even though we were reuniting after a long while, even though I was happy, I felt too sad for some reason and wound up saying lots of lame things.
“Ms. Violet... you kind of became an unreachable person all of a sudden, huh.”
It was because, even though I had supposedly lived just like her in the same four seasons and the same time that she had rushed through, I was still an insignificant boater.
“My company is still based in Leidenschaftlich, just as before.”
“No, I wasn’t talking in terms of physical distance. It’s... a spiritual thing.”
Silence.
“You really are admirable. You know, when I think that you’re doing such an amazing job while I’m here, boating without a care in the world... it’s like...”
“Mr. Valentine, you are also working every day.”
“It’s not like boating is a bad job or anything.”
I also didn’t think there was high or low when it came to occupations. Yet I would end up comparing them.
“I quite enjoy it. Rowing the boat, that is. But somehow... like... when I look at you, Ms. Violet... I think of myself. I wonder if I’m okay like this. Because surely, there should be something else I want to do.”
Silence.
“If only I could change myself too...”
“Mr. Valentine.”
“Yes?”
“I felt that we have become closer than back when we first met.”
“Eh?”
I was in shock. Because I thought she wasn’t the kind of person to say something like that.
What did people call this?
“It became a habit for me to look for you immediately around here.”
Those words that were almost as if someone was nestling close to you.
“As you have let me on countless times, you have been recorded within me.”
No, that wasn’t it. It wasn’t that she didn’t say those things – she couldn’t say them. After all, Violet had told me when we first met. That she couldn’t write letters that felt like approaching someone who was injured.
“I see.”
She had been worried that she should leave it to someone else; that she wasn’t qualified.
“Have we become far apart?”
Yet she had become able to do it. By practicing a lot. Involving herself with people.
“Mr. Valentine, you always find me as well. Whenever I arrive here, instantly.”
This girl had become able to do what she was worst at.
“Yep.”
But even now, it didn’t change that she would touch her emerald brooch when she was uncertain.
“Have we...”
“We haven’t...! Sorry. I’m sure I could spot you even if we passed each other in a different city... Sorry, it’s just... wrong. I was wrong...”
Violet had grown up.
“Sorry...”
That day, when we first met, she had been fretting about being able to write letters that could draw close to someone. Having nurtured her heart through many people and a lot of time, she was now even able to say these kinds of things. This girl was properly fighting against the fate that she had been granted.
Aah, I wanted to be like Violet Evergarden.
I wanted to be like this girl. I really did.
I was still young. I could start over anywhere else. But I did not do that. I couldn’t throw away my family. I couldn’t. Ever thought about throwing your family away?
I... I had never.
Because it was family. People I shared my blood with. We were supposed to be together, right? Parents protecting their children and children yearning for their parents – that was the norm, wasn’t it? When I looked around me, that was what people were doing. Was it all lies?
Why, why didn’t my family manage to be normal? Why was normal so difficult for me? Because I was stupid?
I had gone to a stranger’s place when I was eight years old because my parents had told me to. I went with them as my parents said, “Go with this person to help them out; you’ll get payment for it”. I had the feeling that my parents had been smiling. My brother was the only one who had a serious look – no, he was making a face like he was about to cry as he pulled the sleeve of my clothes over and over. He used to be such a scary brother who was quick to hit me on the head and scold me, but only at that time did he exhaust himself from crying.
“You can’t, okay? Listen to what your Big Bro says. You can’t go to that place,” he had told me.
I remember being extremely perplexed. I only had the impression that my brother was always angry and hungry. He never behaved like he cherished me or anything of the sort. Honestly, I used to hate him.
“But they’ll be angry if I don’t do as they say.”
So I had shaken off the hands that were grasping my sleeve. The expression my brother had back then – those eyes looked like everything in front of him had transformed into rubble.
My brother had said one last time with a tearful voice, “Hey, you can’t; please... don’t go. I won’t hit you anymore, ‘kay? ‘Kay?”
Even so, I had not agreed. Because I was afraid that my parents would get mad.
I hadn’t seen my brother since. Thinking back on it now, he might have actually had affection for me.
As for my parents, had that been something they couldn’t avoid? I still didn’t know. But to put it bluntly, they had sold me.
It was not something so unusual. This area was remote, rural and still rooted in such customs. That might still be my case even now. I was living in a land I had once left, disguised so that no one would know it was me. It would be terrible if I were sold by someone again. So I had made myself up. An unknown boy who had showed up out of nowhere. An outsider who had arrived before anyone knew it. That was me.
I was a huge moron who couldn’t throw away her family even though they had thrown me away.
I ran away from the place I had been sold to after not even three days and, starting out as a beggar, I had saved up a sum in order to go back home. I did anything, from working at an orchard to taking care of other people’s babies, doing cleaning and washing, running errands and being an apprentice at a restaurant’s kitchen. Anything, as long as I could earn money.
I had been sold off to a pretty far-away place, so it took me a year to come back. I was making merry when returned home. About things being back to how they were before. About how my life had twisted a bit but it was back to how it used to be. My mother would surely be happy. She’d tell me I did a good job coming back home.
So, that was why... I even now vividly remembered the feeling of astonishment I had when I opened the door and the house was deserted.
“Dad, Mom, Big Bro,” I had whispered intermittently into the empty house.
There was no reply.
——Aah, so homes that people no longer live in also die, I thought.
I was the child from that day even now, standing stock-still.
“The hijacking case of the transcontinental train... The one on this picture looks like that girl, but she isn’t, right?”
While reading the newspaper that the customers had left behind as usual, I was relaxing at the dock.
The seasons had passed once again and autumn was about to end. Although the years were growing farther from the spring in which I had first met Violet, yet not a single thing had changed.
“Excuse me, are you doing boat rides?”
“Ah, yes. Thank you very much for your patronage today. I am the safest operator around here. Boater Valentine.”
Today, too, I was rowing a boat. That was all.
I would just wake up in the morning, eat, get the boat out, let the customers onto it, do my job, go back home and sleep. A repetition of that. Without anything special happening, without any wonderful encounters or opportunities, I was merely earning enough to eat and protecting my home. Sometimes, I would find myself thinking that I was the only one living this kind of daily life. I had been working since I was little, so I didn’t know how to play very well, and I had no one who was close to me other than Violet.
Even though Violet wasn’t my friend.
“Mr. Boater. Is there anywhere around here where I can have a meal?”
“There is, once you get on land. It might be unlike anything that someone from the big city such as yourself would eat, though... Now, then, be careful.”
Right. Just as she had once said, our relationship was of a boater and her customer, and we would not meet unless she came here for ghostwriting. She was an amazing person who roamed all around the globe and lived in a world completely different from mine.
While returning to the former shore after sending off the customer, I was thinking to myself. Was my life okay like this? I was here today yet again, without attempting to go to where the person that I wanted to be close to was. Even if I used the entirety of the notebook that Violet had given me, I could not report this to her. Because I couldn’t leave my hometown.
“Mr. Valentine. Hello; it has been a while.”
It was a very beautiful morning that day. Illuminated by the Sun as it emerged from the clouds, drops of the rain that had fallen on the previous night were emitting a transparent shine. The person who had appeared in that stunning world was still a foreign body.
Fall just before winter approached. Violet Evergarden was not wearing her usual doll outfit, instead dressed in black. Black hat, black cape over a black dress, and while the suitcase, umbrella and emerald brooch were the same as ever, everything was pitch-black other than them. She was a black-clad Auto-Memories Doll.
As the wind blew, her clothes seemed to flutter in an unnatural manner on her left arm. The arm was gone. Only one of her arms was missing. She had told me somewhere along the way that they were prosthetics, but when seeing her figure without one of them like this, I felt the loss of it even though it was unrelated to me.
“He-llo... Uh, what’s up with... hum, your arm, your clothes and all that?”
It was almost like that kind of thing.
“You came just a while ago, right? The intervals are really close...”
Almost like someone’s funeral. I had never been to one, but I had observed it from the outside before.
Apparently, my questions had her at loss for a bit. After showing a thinkative countenance as from where to start explaining, Violet put her baggage on the ground and pointed at her left arm with her right hand.
“My arm broke. It is being repaired.”
Her artificial doll-like gestures that I had grown fond of before I realized and her clear voice were now turning into the main causes that made my heart restless.
“I can use the right one without any issues. It is inconvenient, but this will be solved eventually.”
I asked the reason behind it and if she had been involved in some sort of accident. Violet did not tell me the details of her situation. She gave a rare, faint smile, looking troubled.
“In the meantime we had not seen each other, truly, many things happened... However, today is not about me but about someone else. I was told he was famous around here, but have you not heard? He has passed away.”
There was only one person whose funeral Violet would be coming to this land for, dressed in mourning clothes. Her ghostwriting patron, Mr. Lockhart. That old man who people said was going to die, yet had always stayed alive.
“I... I don’t have much interaction with the townspeople... We’ve had heavy rain the past few days... and when I pushed myself to get the boat out, I caught a cold... so I shut myself at home... and didn’t see any of my boatmen friends...”
I came up with reasons one after another as if to give an excuse. Even though I hadn’t done anything bad.
“It seems the funeral is already over. The people from that household contacted me, so I came in a hurry.”
“To visit his... grave?”
“That as well, but I also ghostwrote his will on his own request... and it seems there was a dispute among his relatives when the will was opened. They said they want me to confirm if there was really no mistake in the contents...”
I wondered what in the will had aroused the general criticism. Violet did not tell me, as she could not reveal the contents of her contractor’s letters, but when it came to problems that happened after a wealthy elder died, it had to be the inheritance.
“It simply means that the will is just like Mr. Lockhart. This is all I can say.”
So the mean geezer was mean until the end and then left.
“S-So, Ms. Violet, you’re about to get yourself involved in that big quarrel?”
“Yes.”
“Could it be it’s your last ride on this boat...?”
“Mr. Valentine, if you are still here by then, I shall go back with you as well.”
“I-I’ll be. I won’t take any other customers today and I’ll be waiting for you on the other side of the river!”
“I think I will take very long.”
“That’s okay... I mean—!”
——I won’t get to see you anymore, right?
There was a knot in my throat because of the sadness, so I could not say these words. But I believed they had reached Violet. She said “all right” after a pause.
And so, I sent Violet to the household’s side of the shore. As I had declared, I did not take on other customers, only waited for Violet.
She did say that a lot had happened to her, but if the essence of what she had experienced, which she could only express with that much, was enough for her to lose an arm, then surely there should still be a commotion around her right now. Poor Violet. Honestly, Mr. Lockhart was a client who gave Violet trouble from start to finish.
Still, if it weren’t for that troublesome client, Violet and I wouldn’t have met. We also wouldn’t have had that accumulation of interaction time as the seasons passed.
“You should’ve lived longer,” I whispered selfishly. My pathetic voice was mixed with whining.
I was a horrible person.
To think I would complain about the time that someone I didn’t even know so well should die. But now, my heart felt like it would break. My composure was gone. That was why my tongue was so nasty.
I did predict that we would become unable to see each other one day like this. I did, yet I had thought it would be a gentler end. More different, more...
Yes, one day. One day, just as I had suddenly become unable to see my parents and brother, Violet would stop coming here. But I couldn’t leave this place, so I would keep standing at the dock, thinking that there might be a day where she would come by.
From the viewpoint of other people, they may think this was sad, but to me, it was an ending that still had salvation and hope to it...
I hadn’t imagined that she herself would tell me this was probably the last time. Besides, to think that my chest would feel so tight just because I was no longer going to see a customer that I only saw every now and then.
I was an idiot.
Yes, I wasn’t good in the head. I was sensitive to the subtleties of other people’s emotions despite not bringing them to life in me. Yet I was insensitive when it came to myself, so I was only able to notice things when they started hurting like this.
“I-I...”
Surely, I was all on my own because I was this much of a fool.
“I’m gonna be alone...” the words overflowed from be in a natural manner.
——Be quiet. Don’t cry. It’s like the way you’d cry as a kid.
“Ugh... fu-uh...”
I was happy. That Violet had hired me and would come to ride on my boat.
“I don’t want that... Again... I’ll be...”
I was waiting here. For someone to remember me and come see me. For them to look for me. I was living by expecting nothing but that.
Same for Violet. She was someone from my generation, who had been tossed into the world all of a sudden. She wanted to search for her important person, for him to find her – she was that kind of girl. But she was doing her best to live. She really did her best, without losing to the unreasonableness of life.
As she grew, I saw her shining as an Auto-Memories Doll almost as if it were happening to a different version of myself. The fact she was doing her best was an encouragement. I thought of her as a comrade. Even though we weren’t friends, it felt like we were.
“Big Bro... when are you coming back...”
I was by myself here. So, before I noticed, my encounter with that girl had become salvation in my life. Because we were the same. Because we were both waiting for people who wouldn’t return.
It was okay even if it were just a few times per year. She had remembered and looked for me. To me, just that fact was, aah, so very...
“I am terribly sorry for being so late.”
I had departed with the boat in the morning, and it was past evening when the black-clad Auto-Memories Doll came back. She did not seem tired, but her voice was on the husky side, so she probably had to talk a lot.
“Good job... How did it go?”
I wanted to make it so that she wouldn’t find out that I had been crying, yet my voice was nasal and clearly an after-cry one. Amidst the sunset, Violet looked straight at me.
“Everything is well. Mr. Valentine, are you all right?”
I did not know, so I fell silent.
——I’ll let you on the boat now. And then, it’ll be the end. You won’t come see me anymore. I don’t know if that’s okay, or if I’m okay with it.
“Give me your hand; come on carefully. This is the time when the sunset and the evening are mixed, after all.”
As if to gloss over it, I conducted myself as merely a professional. Violet’s sense of balance was a bit off, perhaps because she only had her right arm. I helped her until she was seated, and then started rowing.
“It is my first time seeing the landscape at this hour.”
I nodded at Violet’s muttering.
Evening at the Jacaranda River was a sight that looked like a scarlet Sun had jumped onto the water surface. Both the sky and the river would paint themselves red, dyed in darkness before one could take notice. The birds cried as if to announce that it was already time to go home, the boatmen pulling out of work and returning to their houses. It was that kind of hour, that kind of scene.
As winter was about to come around, the trees were bare and most of the fallen leaves over the water had even their colors rusting away as well. There was nothing more fitting of a farewell day than such loneliness.
“Mr. Valentine, thank you very much for being here for me until today.”
Violet’s voice sounded softer than usual. Come to think of it, I felt that the air around her had somewhat changed. I had thought it was because of the mourning attire, but looking at her again like this now, I figured that was not it. Would it be an exaggeration to say that it was as if an evil spirit had been removed from her? She was different from before.
“From the start, for now, for always... thank you very much.”
Yes, back then, when we first met, Violet Evergarden was a beautiful wild beast that had been tossed into the world. She was nervous, wary of everything, unstable and acted kind of cold.
“It might be strange of me to be saying this to someone I only ever see here. But to me, Mr. Valentine, the fact that you let me ride on your boat whenever I come by...”
Yet, within a long time, she had gained warmth and transformed from a beast-like girl into an exquisite young woman.
“I... surely, yes, was ‘happy’ about it. I can now finally say so. Even if it is something trivial for you. I... can only meet you here, so when you said that I could talk to you, I was ‘happy’.”
——It’s over.
The scenery was too solitary. My chest tightened at the words she spoke within it.
“I was definitely not suited to be an Auto-Memories Doll. I did not have the gentleness to speak my mind without thinking as you do. However, you affirmed that someone like me had her good points.”
——It’s really over.
“In a world full of denial, it is difficult to affirm anything.”
——This is the end.
“That is what I think. There is much denial in this world. Affirming is difficult. But you did it for me.”
——Please, don’t say any more of these goodbye-like words.
“Thank you very much.”
——Don’t.
“I have one more thing I want to tell you.”
——I don’t want to hear them anymore.
“Mr. Valentine, I found the person I was looking for.”
——Stop.
“I found him. I discovered that there are many people in the world who are looking for someone they can no longer see.”
——My time with you is going on as you speak.
“I was told by many that it was foolish of me to wait for him.”
——My time with you is melting away.
“However, I followed my heart, which I did not even know I had.”
——It’s melting away like the foam on the surface of the water.
“Mr. Valentine, I support you always waiting here for someone from here onwards as well. Even if, by any chance, you decide to stop waiting and venture out of here, I will support this too.”
——I liked this purity of yours, as if you’re reflecting the other person.
“I assert your kindness. Because you asserted mine.”
——By sustaining you, I was able to sustain myself.
I let out a scream. Yes, I was bawling. For me to be crying while rowing, I was disqualified as a boater. But Violet did not judge me.
After wiping my tears with the sleeves of my clothes several times, I began rowing again. I had only ever done anything while crying when I was a child.
“Dad, Mom, Big Bro.”
The time when I went searching, calling each of them, in my hometown by the Jacaranda River felt like it had been just a few days ago.
“Violet, don’t forget me,” I said as I cried, looking like an idiot.
“Yes. Mr. Valentine, you said this would be the last time, but I will pay a visit if I receive any jobs to do nearby.”
“That’s a lie...! Countless of my customers have said that... but nobody... nobody... nobody cares about...”
“I support you. This is no lie.”
“It is... It’s just flattery... I-I was... happy that you never forgot about me... but you soon will...”
The boat arrived at the dock almost as if colliding with it. The impact caused the tears to fall from my eyes like rain.
“Sorry; just go.”
I crouched on top of the boat. Aah, I had to help Violet get down. Night was coming. I should not be stalling in a place like this.
I was just a boater and this girl was just my customer. We would end here. It was over.
“I learned that having someone to accept you is important.”
I had to wipe my tears and see her off.
“Even if you cannot see them all the time. Mr. Valentine, if I was a bother to you, please know this.”
I felt the sensation of the only arm that Violet now had touching my back. I turned away from it.
We had met each other in this severe world. A world that I hated. I also hated my life.
But, aah, my God. Even when such cruel sorrow attacked me like that...
“There is an Auto-Memories Doll somewhere in the world who accepts you. Please be aware of this.”
——...the world is beautiful.
As she added a “that is not a lie”, I felt like I would end up waiting for her who knows how many years with just that sentence, so I found myself smiling. My foolishness and Violet’s kindness – those two things made me both cry and laugh.
At the end, we joined hands like little kids. I helped her out of the boat and did not let go after that.
“So it’s not a lie? You won’t forget me?”
“It is not. I will not. I have good memory.”
“Some-Someday...”
“Yes.”
“If I become someone capable of going to see you someday, will you accept me? Wouldn’t I be a bother? I... Y-Y’know, I... actually wanted to be friends with you. Not just a boater and her customer...”
“Yes, I will.”
“But I can’t right away. I have a family... I don’t, but I do.”
“Yes.”
“But, one day... one day...”
“Yes, one day.”
“Surely, on a really nice day for us to reunite...”
“Yes, it will definitely be a good day.”
“Let’s meet again one day, Violet Evergarden.”
After that, just as Violet had somehow changed, so did I. Just as snow covered the autumn lands, the silver make-up melted down before anyone realized and young leaves sprouted from it, I also changed.
It was during spring that this was decisive. As expected, for one to start something, it had to be in spring.
Purple flower petals scattered down on the Jacaranda River. I was simply looking at the scenery in a daze. The harbor was crowded with customers. Even though I was a boater and there were several customers wanting a ride, I was using the boat only for myself, not letting anyone hop in. Without paying any attention to my fellow boatmen, who stared at me with strange looks, I merely observed the entirety of this landscape, so as to sear it into my eyes.
My beautiful hometown. A hometown of which I only had memories sad enough to pierce through my chest. A hometown where no one would look for me anymore. A hometown that surely none of them would ever come back to.
The fact that Violet would not come this year gave me a sensation akin to waking up from a dream. As if my hazy head was clearing up, such change came to me.
——Let’s throw it away.
It was then that I thought at last.
——I’ll throw my family away.
That was what I thought.
The reason why I was clinging to this place was that my family might come back someday. I had to return, I had to stay here, or else I was sure they would be troubled if any of them came home. Because it had troubled me. It had made me cry. So I should be here, I thought.
Even though they didn’t give me love, I loved my family.
——But I’ll throw it away.
I was finally able to think like that. As I did so, tears poured down.
I had taken a long time to arrive to this decision, which was a merciless one, and I was a horrible person who surely wouldn’t die a peaceful death and would, as expected, keep on living like this, without being loved by anybody.
But I was going to do it. I was going to throw my family away.
After all, even if the people who were supposed to love me did not, she existed in my world. Somewhere in this world, there was an Auto-Memories Doll who accepted me. So instead of waiting for someone who would never come home, I should take a leap. Because I wasn’t an eight-year-old kid anymore and could go anywhere.
I rowed my boat. Not for anyone else. For the sake of going out into my new journey.
What should I do? When I thought about what to do first, as expected, that girl surfaced in the depths of my mind. The girl I had seen off while praying, “Wait for me”.
The dark red ribbons tying her golden hair. The pleats on her white ribbon-tie dress. The light blue umbrella. As if playing around, all of these things fluttered in the wind.
It was okay for me to go looking for them from now. It was okay.
——Wait for me.
My chest was quivering. Starting life anew was common place, but now that it was my turn, I was shaking. It was hard to breathe from the fear and expectations. Flowers from jacaranda trees were blocking my field of vision, and although their beauty erased everything that could be seen, they were nothing but a hindrance now. What I yearned for wasn’t them.
What I wished to see – the purple I wanted to meet once again – was no longer this one.
——Please, wait for me.
Tears welled up. I didn’t know whether they were tears of sadness, relief or frustration. I didn’t know anything anymore. The feeling I had wasted so much of my life and the feeling that I had finally gotten to this point were in conflict.
I didn’t want to abandon my family. I didn’t.
But the truth is that I’d always wanted to. Aah, I was such an idiot, such a confusing one.
That was fine. I didn’t understand myself very well either. I didn’t. I didn’t understand anything anymore. What was I doing? I didn’t know. Surely, I had never known. I didn’t even know that I was hurting.
But there was just one thing.
——Wait.
One thing I knew. When it came to things I knew, there was but one.
That I felt so refreshed I shouted to the world without minding anyone, “Violet, wait for me!”
I was going to see her, so I wished she wouldn’t forget me. That was it.
That was all.
Blue eyes opened.
The train had arrived in the city. While the passengers got off in a hurry, a blue-eyed girl was neatly smoothing down the wrinkles on her ribbon-tie dress before gracefully descending to the platform.
She did not act as if looking for someone or show any signs of losing her way. Her figure as she simply walked straight to her destination was almost like that of a mechanical doll. Surely, she would not do things such as be surprised by something or run towards someone upon finding them. That was how she looked.
The perfectly lady-like girl, however, went completely still in the middle of the crowded platform all of a sudden. Her blue eyes had detected something. Upon finding that person, she blinked as if surprised, and then bolted into a run. The hem of her skirt spread out in disarray. The ribbons keeping her golden hair in place swayed.
As she had started running, the other person also pushed through the crowd and came closer. Three, five, ten steps. She, who had broken into a dash, halted exactly in front of him, yet the other did not.
“Violet, welcome home.”
He held her in his arms and buried his face into her shoulder. Her beloved one, whom she had not seen in a while, tickled her with his nose as he sniffed the scent of her hair. He must have been at the platform for a long time. His cold clothes and his body heat conveyed his desire to see her.
“Major, I am back. I did not know you would come pick me up.”
Having changed from a beast into a person, from a person into a girl and then into someone’s biggest love, Violet accepted the embrace of the other person without resistance.
“I am happy.”
Something gradually rushed through her body. It was the sensation that “joy”, “love” and other such feelings had turned into light and were running from the tips of her toenails to the top of her head.
The young woman who used not to know emotions was now in love.
One could spot other charming lovers here and there. Therefore, even as the Army Colonel of this country, Leidenschaftlich, and an Auto-Memories Doll were hugging each other, no one paid them any mind. The intimate figures of both those two and the other lovers were a common sight. If one were to unravel their history, this was a strange pair born through twists and turns, but in everyday life, it was just a part of the scenery.
“Violet. Sorry, I couldn’t hear you. Did you say anything?”
Due to Gilbert hugging her tightly, Violet’s remark was processed simply as an incomprehensible something, but she did not care.
“No, it was nothing much. I have returned, Major.”
“Sorry. Yeah, welcome back, Violet... Did I tell you I wanted to see you?”
“Yes, just now.”
“I heard from Hodgins about when you were scheduled to come back... Tired, are you? I have a carriage waiting so that we can hurry home.”
“Major, what about work...?”
“I came after finishing it. I had to force myself but I have no plans more important than you.”
“Then, can we be together for a little bit as the carriage rides?”
“If you’re okay with it, I can send you to the Evergarden house after we have a meal.”
Gilbert took Violet’s eyes going round as a sign of acceptance. He took Violet’s bag in her stead and, in a natural manner, found himself grasping the hand that had become empty. As he held her hand, Violet moved her gaze fleetingly. She started blinking again upon looking at the two joined hands.
“Major, Major.”
Subsequent to their reunion during the hijacking case of the transcontinental train, the two had confirmed their feelings after the CH Postal Company attack incident and started a new, albeit awkward, relationship.
“What is it?”
“I almost look like a child.”
She indeed was like a child in love.
“Because we’re holding hands?”
“Yes; I would never get lost here, in Leidenschaftlich. You did use to hold my hand before, but... now...”
It was a bit lacking for an army colonel who was past his thirties, but if one were to say that it was fitting of modest people such as these two, it indeed was.
“I’d like you to keep in mind that lovers also hold hands, Violet.”
“Is that so...? Indeed, looking around, there are many people doing this.”
“You had told me you understood... so I perceived us as lovers; was I wrong?”
“N-Not at all.”
“Then, in order to strengthen that perception... let’s change the way we’re holding hands.”
Just by the hold changing into one in which their fingers intertwined, Violet went from just a girl being taken away to a lady being escorted. Violet blinked again. Ever since their romance had come to fruition, each of Violet’s reactions entertained Gilbert, to which he let show a smile that he could not hold back.
“I’ll be happy if, one day, you take my hand without saying anything when I hold out my arm.”
“I need training, Major.”
“Kukuh... That so? Then let’s do it, Violet.”
As the novice couple left the platform, yet another train arrived.
While Violet and Gilbert walked amidst the crowd, a different pair passed right by their side. The young woman was quite a lustrous, beautiful person, whom one could tell was of noble birth. The individual walking with a hand rested on her shoulder as if to protect her from the crowd was an androgynous beauty with unusual silver hair.
Cut short, his platinum-blond hair bore the kind of exquisiteness that looked like it would make chiming sounds as he walked. His jacket, shirt and pants were finely tailored ones. He no longer resembled at all the navigator who used to row a boat in the past.
Feeling as if an old acquaintance had passed by, Valentine halted for a moment.
“What is the matter, Rose?”
Upon being called, Valentine immediately resumed walking with a “nothing”. It was not permissible to stop in the general area of a packed entrance.
“Madam... I had this feeling that the girl I am looking for was here.”
Looking for someone all by themselves. Those two had this point in common.
“Violet Evergarden? That’s right; you will be living as an Auto-Memories Doll in the same city as her. It would not be strange if she did pass by. You will meet that girl someday. And one day – one day, you might also get to see the older brother that you told me about. After all, miracles happen every day.”
However, they had still not realized that the gears of their fates were not yet aligned.
Rose Valentine gave a smile with a “yes, Madam”. “To me, Madam, you are the miracle.”
“Why, my rose does not say such things.”
Rose’s flank was hit rather strongly, but although it actually hurt, the smile did not falter. This was also one of his secrets to success.
“Speaking of which, the Auto-Memories Doll school was truly difficult. I am grateful to Madam for sending me to it, though...”
“Oh, but you have come back as a gentleman who has become able to escort me naturally like this, so it has brought results.”
Rose’s amber eyes widened beneath silver lashes. They reflected his madam’s mischievous facial expression. Rose’s smile collapsed a little and turned into a strained laugh.
“Madam, I managed to deceive people in the past because I used to wear a hat to hide my face, but... can I really do this? Also, does this not mean that I will have to deceive all the other employees and customers?”
There was something he had not told Violet Evergarden. Violet Evergarden was a mysterious girl to him as well, but there was not that great a difference between her and himself.
“I left my hometown in order to start my own life for real, and yet...”
He – no, she was going to begin a new life in this city starting from today. Not just as “Valentine” but as “Rose Valentine”.
The madam of the S.W. (Scarlet Winter) Letter-Specialized Shop, which would later make a name for itself as a unique postal company that mostly employed male Auto-Memories Dolls, replied with an alluring smile.
If there were goodbyes, there had to be encounters. And if there were ends, there had to be beginnings.
“We will not deceive them. You will properly sell yourself as Rose Valentine, the crossdressing beauty, from the very start. We sell a hundred different types of letters, stationery, envelopes. And also the caring customer service from charming young men who have some sort of sparkle to them. There is no mistaking that this will be as addicting as high-grade drinks. It’s exactly because this business is full of women that a shop full of men will shine. Is this discrimination? Are you discriminating against me, Rose?!”
Good endings and bad endings – life went on with both included.
“Haah... But I’m a woman. No, I might be almost a man since I’ve lived most of my life tricking people about my gender...”
“That’s what’s good about it!”
“Haah...”
It looked like an eternity but was not, yet on it went.
“Your boyish side and your original girl side. I recruited you taking them into account. Be at ease. You can sell. You can. After all, there is no other such Auto-Memories Doll.”
“Haah...”
“Don’t ‘haah’ me. Geez... my lovely rose. Worry not. Have I ever lied to you?”
The story would go on. Cruel as the world might be, beautiful moments would come by again.
“It has still not been that long since I first met you... so, I would not know, Madam.”
Morning would come as long as you were there. Such was how stories were made.
#violet evergarden#fyeahvioletevergarden#violet evergarden ever after#kyoani#kyoto animation#akatsuki kana#gilbert bougainvillea#rose valentine#novel#my translation
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