#they did in fact make what i can probably say at this point is My Favorite Thing
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“Ooo look! Doesn’t that one look just like us?” You exclaim while pointing your index finger to the baby-blue sky above you, a beaming smile tugging at your lips.
Ryomen Sukuna's eyes followed your leading hand, squinting once they had reached the two potato-like clouds you were pointing to. For a moment, he thought his vision was finally betraying him after 1,000 years-and-counting of being alive; that blob of air did not look like him in the slightest.
With two folded arms resting behind his head, he attempted to find a way to nicely break it to you that a measly cotton ball rip-off did not, in fact, coincide with his looks.
“How on Earth does that resemble me, woman?” He replied, a third hand petting your head as you comfortably rested against his chest.
You could hear the rhythmic heartbeat coming from under you, pounding softly against your ear as if you were holding a stethoscope to his body. A hum escapes your throat, playing alongside the pulsating melody he emitted.
“Maybe you’re not looking hard enough~”
Sukuna rolls his eyes in response, not having it with your teasing today. Bold of you to question his words, reckless, but nonetheless bold.
“I assure you,” he reiterated, ruffling your hair before his eyesight returned to the heavens above, “something as pathetic and feeble as a cloud is not something I’d compare myself to, you brat.”
He was only teasing you right back, but just like he expected, your expression had already dampened with disappointment. There was a feigned pout on your face as you glanced up at him — nonverbally speaking volumes the longer you held eye contact.
He knew you always dragged him on these silly sightseeing dates (not that he’d ever call them that) because you enjoyed seeing a softer side of his personality. It was silly of you to think he’d ever allow you to bear witness to such a thing — if he ever had it in the first place — but this time around, it seemed like you finally achieved what you so desperately desired.
“But,” he adds in an attempt to soften the blow, his hand reaching down towards your face so he could caress your cheek. The defeated man sighed one last time after falling victim to your guilt-tripping puppy eyes, internally questioning his entire existence from what was about to come out of his mouth.
“A cloud so… fluffy… and appealing,” he describes the thing hesitantly — for lack of better words, “is one I would use to describe you.”
Your ears perk up at the statement, the pretend pout from earlier quickly replaced by a smug grin.
“Oh my gosh what was that – I’m so sorry my ears must’ve missed it. Can you please say that again?”
In a not-so-innocent manner, you batted your eyelashes at the man, which was only met with a blank expression on the verge of breaking. He would’ve probably replied with something along the lines of, ‘bitch, are you deaf?’ Alas, the benevolent Sukuna himself decided to let you have this one — just this once.
‘Ahem!’ he cleared his throat to make sure you got his message this time around. “A cumulus pales in comparison to your beauty, little one.”
Rubbing tiny circles into your cheek, his gaze remained fixated on the two stupid clouds that set this whole absurd scene in motion. Silence befalls the conversation for a moment, your ears in disbelief at his words. Adding anything else would’ve probably single-handedly undone the atmosphere you worked so hard on creating, so you silently took this win… even if only for a few seconds.
“You totally have a crush on me, don’t you?”
“Need I file for divorce so you’ll quit spewing nonsense all the time?”
“Ooh so you’re in love! Even better~”
#✰ bestsorcereralive is online#divider by v6que#ryomen sukuna fluff#probably a sprinkle of crack in here actually#sukuna fluff#ryomen sukuna#sukuna ryoumen x you#jujutsu kaisen#sukuna ryoumen x reader#reader x sukuna#sukuna x you#sukuna x reader#talk to me nice 𐙚🧸ྀི
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Naoya's reaction when y/n's thighs expand 3 times its size when she sits down. For my girlie's that have thick thighs 🙏🙏 plus me. Serious insecurity but damn wouldn't that be Naoya's 2nd favourite thing after tiddies. Definitely would give some criticism that y/n don't exercise enough and that's why her thighs are like that,but would br also smother his face between her thighs? Yes
Hello anon!!
Ngl when I first read this ask (the beginning) I was like HUH? But then I read the rest and was like ugh same. I kind of relate to what you feel, that plus chafing and what not 💀
ANYWAYS I hope you enjoy this debauched piece. :) ehehehe dunno what was going through my head but I liked it.
warnings: NSFW. THOUGH NOT DETAILED, THERE'S SMUT. MINORS DNI. Naoya and the Zen'in are perverts, some more explicit than others. Also misogynistic views, unwanted commentary about bodies.
Happy reading!
You know what I was thinking?
Naoya being so obsessed with your body, that the moment he sees you he doesn’t even bother to make formal introductions or anything; nope.
He just needed to see you sit down one time, one time, unwittingly getting a very detailed look of how your thighs just become bigger underneath your skirt, alongside the adorably cute way you attempted to tug the edge down to avoid revealing too much (Naoya had seen more than enough at that point, of course he did.) and that was it for him to know you’d be the perfect wife.
So, fast forward a few weeks, after making the right arrangements, you’re effectively married to him, “happily” living in the Zen’in estate, where he can keep an eye on you, close to whenever he might need to make use of your wifely commitments—but most importantly, underneath constant scrutiny that not even your role as future Lady of the House could save you from.
The torments you’re subjected to here aren’t ones you haven’t heard before, in fact, you’ve heard enough of them to not care anymore…
But perhaps being married to Naoya, something that many cautioned would probably never happen due to your appearance, was enough to finally make them hurt.
His family just couldn’t… wrap their mind around the fact that from all women in the world, literally anyone else, he chose you: the epitome of laziness as they’d like to say. The sheer example of not being able to control one’s selfish desires in favor of temporary satisfaction.
In a world where thinner, athletic physiques were encouraged, you sure stood out like a sore thumb.
It wasn’t your fault, though. Some people were simply born that way, with different genetics and there was nothing wrong with that.
But to them, that was not enough of an excuse, if there ever was one; and once you heard for the last time how Naoya was simply tolerating you because, well, because of some unknown reason, you had enough.
You were tired of constantly hearing them belittling your worth, comparing you to whichever woman they brought along to hopefully convince Naoya into divorcing you—or at least sow his seeds on a more suitable candidate; a fact made worse when he seemingly didn’t put a resistance to their invitations, chipping away at your confidence.
And above all, you were exhausted of unwittingly highlighting the faults in your relationship, the clear signs that Naoya was never truly happy with you, such as those scarce moments of intimacy the two shared. Those that you didn’t think much of, outside of fear and pain, for he never struck you to be the kind, patient lover (and he wasn’t).
But now that these issues were highlighted… you could only feel sorrowful.
Naoya, while insatiable when it comes to lust, seemed to have only spent the night with you for political reasons. To fulfill his duty of securing the future of the Zen’in—not because he ever harbored desire for you.
Yet, why did you even expect otherwise? For he too demeaned you with cruel commentaries, and with the one thing you were mostly self-conscious about…
“You know, your thighs wouldn’t be that big if you actually worked out or something…”
“Don’t wear that. I don’t want you to show your legs—it’s already unbefitting a woman, but in your case… well, it’s only necessary.”
That was more than enough to finally push you to the edge and do the one thing many were constantly pestering you about: not to eat. Though in your defense, it’s not like you felt like doing so anyways, the voices and faces of those that hurt you were quick to put you back in your place if you even did as little as consider it, ruining your appetite.
And you managed to keep this way for a few days, at least until you began to grow sick, tired, unable to tend to your duties as you did before, which did not escape your staff’s attention, and subsequently, Naoya’s.
“What the fuck is wrong with you??” Naoya would exclaim first thing upon returning from a mission; tired. The last thing he wanted to do was deal with the complaints of your lacking commitment, the only goddamn thing you had to do around the estate. “To go ahead and cause problems to my family, taint my name—have you got no shame?!”
“I didn’t mean to…” you murmur, yourself tired as well, due for other reasons, made worse by Naoya’s reproach.
“Then do you mind explaining what the hell were you thinking? What were you planning to do? Get my attention??” He frowns. “Dramatic, but what else could I expect from a woman like you?”
“Please, Naoya… I don’t feel like arguing…”
“No, of course not. You don’t feel like doing anything, do you? Not even eating!” He remarked. “What? Trying to lose some weight, now? Is that what’s gotten into your mind?”
You remain silent, giving him enough of an answer. He laughs.
“So it is that!” He boasts. “I can’t believe it, Y/N! I didn’t think you’d be so stupid to actually do that!”
“Leave me alone…” you whisper, tears beginning to pool around your eyes.
“To what? Puke your guts out, now? Don’t be stupid!” Naoya continues to jest. “I knew women were desperate, but I didn’t think you’d break the mold!”
His words, perhaps out of your already brewing insecurities, or simply because you’ve grown tired of his mockery, wash you over with an unprecedented wave of anger, dropping your heart to the pit of your stomach as you sharply turn around, ready to take a stand for yourself once and for all.
“And why do you care so much, hm, Naoya?!” You cry. “Weren’t you also one of those that always bothered me about my weight? About how embarrassing I am to your name simply because of the way I look?!”
He flinches, startled by your reaction at first, but soon angered by it as well.
“I won’t tolerate your disrespect—” he frowns, yet you don’t let him continue.
“You even ask me to cover myself up!” you gasp. “You’re so—you’re so disgusted by how I look that you—you wouldn’t mind if I spent the rest of my life locked away so you won’t ever have to see—”
“Do you hear yourself?” Naoya seethes, taking your hand and pulling you to him with such strength that instantly startles you, making you squirm in reaction, trying to move away but he keeps you still, understanding you’ve officially made him furious. “Do you hear the stupidities you’re spewing?!”
“Leave—leave me alone.” You whimper, tears sliding down your cheeks. “You’re hurting me!”
“I ought to hurt you more for insulting me!”
“Insulting… you?” you repeat, confused. “How was this insulting to you?!”
“You think I’d let you walk around the estate like a whore? Let you display what’s mine?!”
“Naoya, you’re not—you’re not making any sense.” You respond, shame settling in your heart. “If you’re going to make fun of me—!”
“You’re fucking stupid, did you know that?” Is all that he says before pushing you against the wall, making you whimper when roughly hitting the wooden pillar behind, a noise that is quickly shut by his lips landing on yours, wasting no time for his tongue to battle yours, subduing you. “So fucking stupid…”
He’d murmur, you moan.
“Na—Naoya—” you breathe, torn apart by his desire and your confusion. Didn’t he… dislike you? “St—stop!”
“What is it that you wanted me to do? Stand aside as my family ogles at you?!”
“Don’t you mean—don’t you mean scrutinize?!” you gasp, flinching when his lips move from yours, down to your jaw, then neck… “Stop—stop mocking me!”
“I should feel offended by your stupidity, if anything.” He responds, pulling away from you to take a good look into your teary eyes—as if trying to assess if you really declared such atrocity, or if it was work of his own anguished mind. “Your blindness to acknowledge what I truly think of you.”
“They—they hate me.” You tremble, why would he want you to remember such an awful thing? “You hate me—”
“No, Y/N.” Naoya groans, pressing closer to you while taking your hand once more to move it down to his groin where his hardening cock was in full display for you to feel, destroying the perceptions you had of everything around you—around him. “This is what you make them feel— what you make me feel!”
“Nao—Naoya—” you tremble, trying to move away your hand from his growing length, intimidated that he somehow felt even bigger underneath your palm; giving the impression his desire for you right now was much stronger than any other instances. But… how? Or more likely, Why? “I don’t—I don’t get it—!”
“Do you really think I’d be blind to the way they stare at you? To their futile attempts of bringing you down, of changing you, just so they’d stop thinking what your skin feels like underneath their fingertips—or how sweet your cunt tastes like?” Naoya breathed, continuing to rub your hand against his cock, desperate to let you know how much he needs his release—how he wants to throw this senseless discussion away…
But not without declaring his upper hand, the one he always had with his family, of course. “But they can’t” He smirks. “The moment I saw you, I knew you’d be the perfect wife, the perfect mother for my children.”
The thought of harboring such desire from Naoya made your cunt tighten, the same way his cock twitches.
“They’re just jealous I got to you first.” He continues. “That I was able to see your worth just by your wide hips and ample bosom—you’re the epitome of femininity… but even better—
You’re all mine.”
“But you—but you said horrible things to me—” you cry, his lascivious words still not enough to remove the pain from those awful moments. “Why…?”
“Aw, my love.” Naoya chuckles, cupping your face with his hands and squeezing it so softly, making you pout, a face he always loved to incite from you, amongst others. “I just can’t help it; your reactions are so adorable; you simply make it too easy.”
His hands then travel down to the edges of your skirt, lifting your kimono just enough to reveal your smooth legs to him, the same ones he always had touch and kneed whenever you were close, the mere sight of them enough to make him further spiral into his desire—
If not anger when seeing the flimsy piece of cloth covering your cunt, fingers quick to grab the edge and rip it apart, letting out a quick gasp from your mouth.
“How many times have I told you to stop wearing these stupidities?!” He hisses. “You know damn well than to go against the words of your own husband!”
“But you—you hadn’t touched me.” You fret. “Since that night, we… you hadn’t—I didn’t think it was necessary.”
“You truly couldn’t be any dumber, could you? Just because I’ve been busy does that mean you can go on and disobey my words?” Naoya accuses with a jesting tone that serves to place the direction of his following actions. “My lovely wife is really that naive… luckily for you, I’m the one in charge of doing all the thinking, while you—you just have to stay like this, ready for me…
To take my cock like the good whore of a wife you are, with that lewd body of yours that is only mine. Exclaiming for me to give you a baby, make you a mother, make your hips wider, your breasts bigger, filled milk—”
And the way your body tightens against him, letting out a moan when his hands parted your legs, guiding his cock onto your dampened slit and gently pushed the head into you, let’s him know this desire has settled in the back of your mind for quite some time, but never revealed itself by the stupidities of his own family, his too undeniably.
But after these agonizing days away from you, forced so by his job, if not those insignificant whores his family brought in an attempt to push him away from you, failing to do so for he quickly discarded them as soon as they crossed his sight…
He’ll never let the opportunity to claim you pass again.
Naoya will do whatever necessary to drill that idea into that little, pathetic mind of yours, even if it means fucking you in the middle of the hallway, where all servants and relatives alike would be able to hear his message loud and clear.
The reality they could only dream of in their most desperate moments—but to him, it was only a matter of taking.
“Naoya—Naoya please—not here.” You whimper, your husband had effectively forced you onto the ground and made you take his cock, either from behind, hands and knees on the wooden floor as he teased and kneaded your ass and hips; he was an avid enjoyed of many positions, but this one had to be one of his favorite ones. To see your skin bounce whenever his hips slammed into you, savoring the way your lewd cunt swallowed him whole, down to the base, with no intentions of letting go, regardless of what you said, it was surprising he still had some restraint. “Please—they’re—they’re going to see!”
“Let them.” Naoya moans, the thought of being caught sends a shiver through his spine; and while it’s not something he necessarily advocated for, the constant, tiring need to be proving his authority over you is what forced him to do so. You might as well play along. “Let them hear how tight your cunt is around my cock! How only I can make you come undone like this—”
“N—No—I don’t—I don’t want…!” you whimper, but even when he changed positions, having you on top of him, giving him sight of the breasts he couldn’t wait to see grow when you’re inevitably pregnant, you still do not stop jumping on his cock, moving your hips up and down alongside his, clenching whenever hitting that sensitive spot that always had you seeing stars. “I don’t want to cum—!”
“Then maybe—Maybe you shouldn’t have this lewd body.” Naoya moans, truly believing that he would never be able to stop himself from using every inch of your body for his own pleasure—from fucking his cock between your soft thighs and boobs, admiring the way they completely cover his cock, drowning it in a combination of softness and his own seed, barely able to see where the tip of his head was…
To relieve that same sensation with his own face, asking you—no, demanding you to smother him with your thighs, a sensation that has him thinking if he were to die this way, cock hard, eased by your soft licks and moans, while deep in the sweet taste of your cunt, he wouldn’t mind it, not one bit.
In fact, he hopes that’s the way he goes.
But he’s in no rush to avoid enjoying the present, the warmth of your body besides him when the two eventually stop, careless to acknowledge if they ever gathered an audience, certainly so when Naoya’s mind was firmly set in getting you pregnant, as heard by his following words.
“I’ll see you tonight.” He declares. “It’s about time you give me a heir.”
And you do nothing but oblige, though you doubted all the cum nestled inside your cervix hadn’t done the job already.
In fact, you relished the idea. If it meant getting this side of Naoya’s desire, attention you didn’t think to be deserving of, or even capable of obtaining…. Then you were nothing but obedient.
“Naoya, you’re—oh!” You gasp when instead of waiting for you to stand up to properly greet him, he lowers down to your level, taking a seat before eventually resting his head over your lap, taking a deep sigh and resting for the first time after a long week of work. “Is… everything alright?”
“I’m tired.” He responds, adjusting himself into an even better position and sighing once more. “I don’t want to talk.”
So, you don’t, preferring instead to softly caress his head, moving some of his silky black threads away from his face and letting him relax, enough to dive into the beginnings of his slumber, but not before clearing his mind from one doubt.
“Our baby—”
“He’s fine.” You murmur, placing your hand over your stomach. It’s still very early during the pregnancy to know so, and yet, there was something about you that just made it so obvious that you were carrying a life inside you—
Perhaps it was the way you glowed, or how you became softer with him ever since it was first announced.
Though the latter was mostly the fact that you started to feel… wanted by your husband, a kind of desire that while far from perfect, was enough for you to change your perspective of this marriage, allowing you to open up to him, mostly so when Naoya now defended you from those unwanted comments from his family.
You’re carrying the future of the Zen’in, after all, some decorum must be maintained.
Yet something tells you his changed demeaner ran far deeper than what Naoya wanted to reveal. «All in due time» you suppose.
“I love you, and our baby too.” You say, instinctively taken by this calm moment of domesticity with your loving husband, not expecting a response considering his somewhat cold nature—only to be proven wrong when he turns around to see you, silently placing his gaze on yours in such way that initially makes you think you might’ve ruined this moment, just for him to pull you closer to him, taking your lips in a soft, quick kiss before returning to your lap, closing his eyes and sleeping.
He may not have said it, but the sentiment was the same, and that was enough for you to be happy.
Naoya is still a jerk, but I like to think he eventually got to genuinely care about you. Also, he got real lucky that one time he thought with his dick, imagine if you were a piece of shit too? NAH He'd lose it. He got real lucky that you were nice, I tell you...
Also, I'm still with the pregnancy stuff :) sorrynotsorry.
OH! and also!! It's safe to say that the things Naoya said are NOT a reflection of what I think!! Everybody is beautiful and deserving of love, no matter what body type ❤️
Now, thank you so much for sending this niche ask... I gotta say, I have been thinking about it since I do relate to it............... but I try to keep my work pretty open-ended so anyone can relate :) Still, if there's something you'd like me to write a bit more detailed, just let me know! I'll be sure to try my best tho, some I might reject if I don't feel like I know much about the matter....
Anyways, thank you so much for this ask ❤️ take care, and hope to see you soon ❤️
#ask#naoya zenin#naoya zen'in#naoya x reader#naoya zenin x reader#naoya zenin x you#jjk naoya#naoya zen'in x reader#jjk x reader#jjk smut#jjk x you#prompt series: jujutsu kaisen
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This Week in BL - The Stand-in Stands Up (all puns intended)
Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.
June 2024 Week 1
Ongoing Series - Thai
My Stand-In (Fri iQIYI) ep 7 of 12 eps - I do enjoy that the other Joe’s past is now coming back to haunt the present. For our Joe, the hits just keep on coming. Meanwhile, I know my heartstrings are being intentionally tugged, but I did feel sorry for Ming in this episode (at the last). And I think Up is doing a great job with this frankly difficult role if he can make me feel anything approaching sympathy for Ming. Ming's breakdown was excellent. Very dramatic.
Wandee Goodday (Sat YT) ep 6 of 12 - These two are entirely boyfriends who just don’t happen to be dating. It’s Schrödinger’s relationship. It's crazy that these two are already sleeping together and I still can’t wait for them to kiss. Very nicely done. Good tension point. This was a really cute episode but nothing much happened.
In other news, the sound effects REALLY bother me in this show. It might have been in the running as a 10/10, except for those fucking sound effects.
We Are (Weds iQIYI) ep 10 of 16 - I like how the majority of this show is just basically struggling with first love. It’s strangely sweet and innocent as a result. Frankly, right now, I need that - it’s comforting. It’s not exciting, but I can’t deny that thi is the highlight of the middle of my week.
Peem to Phum = use your words.
Phum = SMOOCH.
Bet you all heard this one coming: NO SINGING.
Note: Satang (Toey) is a fantastic actor. I love the way he changes the physicality of his body for his roles. In this part, he’s kind of loose-limbed and floppy. He doesn't look younger but the way he inhabits his body does.
My Love Mix-Up Th (Fri YT) ep 1 of 12 - GeminiForth (AKA G4) are back and glory-be they showed up on YouTube. Still I’m worried it won’t stay there after the Cherry Magic debacle. So I stayed up late that night to gank it.
Back to the show.
One of the things I’ve always loved about this IP, is how genuine and decent and earnest all of the kids are. They’re all trying so hard not to hurt each other's feelings. It’s all just a terrible case of miscommunication. G4 are perfect casting for these roles. That said, I have the same challenges with this version as I did with the JBL - it’s a bit frenetic and can be clownishly too MUCH for me.
Meanwhile, the he feeds strays trope has popped up again.
Love Sea (Sun iQIYI) ep 1 of 10 - Trash watch here. MAME warning! I found it rather lacklustre and inoffensive but still managed to invent dildo smores.
Knock Knock Boys (Thurs Gaga) eps 3 of 12 - Honestly? I’m kind of enjoying watching the friendships develop between the housemates. Of course I know they’re probably gonna all end up sleeping together, but right now the communal easy-going companionship and teasing is the most fun. Other than that, this is an unremarkable Thai BL pulp with better than normal acting and consistency (for a pulp).
Only Boo! (Sun YT) ep 9 of 12 - Moo is the clinginess boyfriend in the entire universe. The thing I think I love best about this couple, and the show, is what great communicators they are. That said they are not great actors. I don’t mean to be rude, and I don’t expect great acting from my Thai BL, but it’s a little rough going sometimes with this pair.
Ongoing Series - Not Thai
At 25:00 in Akasaka AKA 25 Ji Akasaka de (Japan Thurs Gaga) ep 8 of 10 - It’s taken me a long time, but I finally realized what I dislike about this show. It’s the pacing. Or rather, the lack of it. And I’m not saying that the pacing is necessarily off, in fact this is a typical JBL thing. But for some reason, in this show, I find it particularly annoying.
Blossom Campus (Korea Thurs Gaga & iQIYI) ep 5-6fin - Honestly, this was a perfectly fine little friends to lovers BL, with better than average kissing from Korea. But for some reason it never really hit for me. The very end was extremely odd. A bit of a disappointment for a longer piece from Strongberry. I think they tried to be too classically BL and that is just not their strength-berry. Strongberry is better when they explore something a little edgy, or a little outside the box. 7/10
It's airing but...
The Last Time (Fri YT?) - Convoluted story of loss and possible reincarnation or something. Can't find it.
OMG Vampire (Thai Sun ???) 10 eps - also I can't find it. Comments from last week suggest this is not my thing anyway, but Lee Long Shi very much IS my thing, so... maybe I'll put it on hold for a bit and y'all can let me know.
In case you missed it
The Time of Fever AKA Unintentional Love Story 2 (Korea movie) trailer released to Korean theaters 5/25. HoTae & DongHee, side couple from Unintentional Love Story are back! Same actors, same character names. I love them. I NEED TO SEE THIS. How?
You Made My Day (Thai YT) - mini series staring the I Will Knock You couple Tar & Bom, started but I couldn't find it. I also didn't try very hard. Apparently it's cute but basically a 10 min advert.
KWill To Reunite With Seo In Guk, Ahn Jae Hyun in Comeback! For those who don't know the MV for his song Please Don't is a heavy hitting shock tactic BL adjacent piece featuring major Korean actors. (The closest we are likely to ever get.) Look it was a BIG DEAL at the time. Kinda like Kpop's Broke Back Mountain moment. More here:
I don't often report on the Kpop scene but this is very interesting.
Next Week Looks Like This:
Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.
June Releases
6/14 Let's Eat Together Aki and Haru 2 AKA Aki wa Haru to Gohan wo Tabetai 2 Haime! (Japan movie Gaga?) - Continues the (frankly) lackadaisical story from part 1.
6/15 Sunset Vibes AKA SunsetXVibes (Thailand Sat iQIYI) 12 eps - Star Hunter + MosBank on iQIYI for 12 weeks? If nothing else it's gonna be a wild and sexy ride. A one night stand but "uh-oh he’s my boss," adapted from a web series. I’m game. Maybe it’ll have a better story than Big Dragon? Maybe it will have a plot? We can but hope.
6/26 The Rebound (Thai Weds VIU?) - MeenPing are back in their 3rd BL together, a basketball based romance (Meen was a national basketball player, so yay for that). I like this pair better than most (I still do miss Meen with Est but Est has a fantastic looking new BL coming from GMMTV so yeah...) Anyway I'm up for a sports romance starring a man who, yah know, actually played that sport so... I'm game (pun intended).
(Speaking of, why can't Est be a merman? This... I ask you?.)
THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS
Flipping stellar side couple Wandee, thank you.
Love the mains too of course.
This is that funny little unnamed (muli-named) BL/GL something from Korea that's happening on YouTube right now. It's cute! I guess it's falling under the moniker Fake Buddies.
(Last week)
Streaming services are listed by how I (usually) watch, which is
with a USA based IP, and often offset by a day because time zones are a pain.
The tag BLigade: @doorajar @solitaryandwandering @my-rose-tinted-glasses @babymbbatinygirl @babymbbatinygirl @isisanna-blog @mmastertheone @pickletrip @aliceisathome @urikawa-miyuki @tokillamonger @sunflower-positiiivity
@rocketturtle4 @blglplus @anythinggoesintheshire @everlightly @renafire @mestizashinrin @bl-bam-beyond @small-dark-and-delicious @saezurumurmurs
Sigh, Tumblr in it's infinite wisdom doesn't like too many tags.
There's these tricks, remember.
#this week in BL#BL updates#My Stand-In the series#Wandee Goodday#We Are the series#My Stand-In#My Love Mix-Up Th#Love Sea the series#Only Boo!#Knock Knock Boys#At 25:00 in Akasaka#25 Ji Akasaka de#BL series review#upcoming BL#BL news#BL reviews#BL gossip#Thai BL#Japanese BL#live action yaoi#Taiwanese BL#Koren BL#BL starting soon#BL coming soon#Blossum Campus review#strongburry
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Time Of Our Lives || Part 12
Part 12:
"Your apartment smells funny," Liana said as she entered the building and moved towards the main window. "We can buy a rug for the living room. Do you want one?" she asked after walking around the rooms in Patrick’s apartment. It was small. Living room, kitchen, bedroom, and a bathroom.
It had been a month since she settled in the Oxford dorms. Patrick had arrived three days ago, and this was the first time they were meeting.
"Hey Amanda. I missed you too." Patrick leaned against the bedroom doorframe, watching her with amusement.
She just couldn’t help it. She had to fix something. She would always find something that needed tidying and organizing. He had learned not to argue with this trait from a young age.
He had learned that if he refused, she would withdraw into herself, and it would bother her until she could do something about it.
"Hey." She smiled genuinely and hugged him.
Patrick looked almost the same as she remembered. Jet-lagged but pleased with his choices for a change.
"Hey..." he refused to let go of her, inhaling her scent deeply like he always did when she allowed him.
"You're here." She took a step back and examined him, as if not believing it was really happening. As if she had been waiting her whole life for this moment. That’s how Patrick decided to interpret her facial expression, even if that’s not what reality was showing him.
He would take the current smile any day over another day where she was at a certain point on the map and he was on the other side of the world.
"So many possibilities, Amanda." He couldn’t stop smiling.
"Let's find you a rug and some pillows for the couch, okay?" she replied, trying to solve the current problem she had found for herself; his apartment.
They wandered around London for hours. Stopped for lunch at a small Italian restaurant. Went into a small museum and did some window shopping at brand stores neither of them could afford. Liana’s laughter filled the space occasionally. A sound Patrick prayed to dream about when he would be alone without her scrutinizing gaze around.
As the sun set, they sat on the grass in a park near Liana’s dorms, each holding an ice cream cone.
"I think I found a job," she said, trying to eat as much of the ice cream as she could before it melted completely.
"Where?" he asked with curiosity.
"There’s a cafeteria in Oxford that sells smoothies and other things that pretentious people willing to pay unreasonable amounts. I’ll probably start next week." She smiled, pleased with herself.
"Will you be able to balance it with your studies?" he asked.
"I have to try. My parents were barely willing to keep paying for my studies as long as I'm not at Stanford, and I don’t want to take an actual loan just to be able to pay for food. It feels unnecessary and lazy." She shrugged, as if it was self-evident.
"You're tough. You’ll make it. When do classes start?" he asked.
"In a week. I’m stressed. But a friend of my roommate, Flor, is starting with me, and I met her. She seems nice." Liana chatted about people she had met in the past month.
"You're nice." Patrick smiled his characteristic smile when he tried to dodge the implications of what he was saying. It was a toothy grin that included a dimple. It usually highlighted his eyes, showing something mischievous that at age 20 should have started to fade. But not with Patrick.
"You're a jerk." Liana rolled her eyes and punched his shoulder, which automatically made him grab her hand.
Liana couldn’t help but think about Art.
About the fact that it was the same gesture.
Art had held her just like that at the Christmas party. She pulled her hand back and cleared her throat for a moment. Not wanting to change the atmosphere too much but feeling the shift anyway.
Patrick felt the change too, but it was like background noise.
He understood something happened but didn’t know what. This wasn’t the first time he touched Liana. You could say he was a touchy person by nature. It wasn’t new and didn’t characterize just his relationship with her.
"What just happened?" he asked with a chuckle, as if it wasn’t really important. As if it wasn’t serious. As if he could breathe properly and wasn’t trying to correct the mistake he made a moment ago. As if he wouldn’t do anything to make her laugh again and not look at him with furrowed brows.
"Nothing. It’s getting late. Shall we go?" she asked, with a smile that didn’t reach her ears. One that showed teeth but not all of them. One that hid from him what she really felt.
He hated that smile.
"Patrick! You'll have ants in your house!" Liana scolded. No, she wasn’t just scolding; she was fuming.
Three months had passed since Patrick moved to London. His coach, Kirk Fucking Morcich, was objectively the best coach he had ever had. He had improved tremendously.
From the moment Patrick decided to take tennis seriously and not just as a way to avoid a real job, he started seeing results.
He still had to attend the annoying courses his parents signed him up for. But he had already won a tournament in Europe. Something he didn’t think would happen, and certainly not so soon.
His parents were proud of him.
A strange feeling. An almost unfamiliar feeling.
His mother called him and actually said those words, “Hey Pat, your dad and I read about you in the paper. Well done.” And he wanted to find something bad and start a fight because he didn’t know any other way to talk to his mother, but he said “thanks” quietly and felt himself blush. Like a little boy needing a kind word from an adult who was never really responsible. Not for what mattered.
“You can’t just leave your food out like this, Pat.” Liana interrupted his train of thought.
“It’s not that bad.” He responded with an eye roll.
“Patrick, it’s moldy. It’s been sitting on your table with actual mold. How am I supposed to wash this? It’s disgusting!” she fumed. Her cheeks were red, and her hand moved quickly over her nose.
“You don’t have to wash it. Did I ask you to wash it? Just throw the plate away; I have more plates.” He rolled his eyes again.
“Why can’t you take anything seriously?!” Liana nearly stomped her foot.
“Did we get married or something? Because this relationship doesn’t have the benefits of marriage, you just yell at me after I haven’t been home for a week.” He sighed and sat on the couch, officially tired of this argument.
“No, Patrick, we didn’t get married, and sorry I don’t want you to die of dysentery while you’re living alone.” She shot back, and he heard the plate land in the sink.
“So instead of throwing it away, you decided to break it?” He started getting angry too, because lately, that’s how all their conversations looked. Conversations about why he didn’t wash dishes, why he left the milk out, why he didn’t water the plant she bought him, why he didn’t show up at the bar her friend worked at, why he didn’t.
And he just wanted to tell her that if she acted like he was her boyfriend, then she should let him touch her the way he wanted to touch her.
But they hadn’t had that conversation yet.
He hadn’t told her that when he wasn’t thinking about tennis, he was thinking about her, and to be honest, if he wasn’t thinking about those two things, he was thinking about Art.
And he knew she was thinking about Art too.
And maybe they needed to have a conversation about fucking Art.
“I didn’t break it. Calm down.” She muttered.
Liana had managed to somehow find herself in London. She couldn’t say that about any other period in her life.
She enjoyed her studies and had met quite a few new people. People she liked being around. People she wasn’t embarrassed around and felt comfortable drinking wine with. She was a person who enjoyed wine now.
Some might say Liana had grown up. She would agree with them.
One time, after drinking wine with her new friends, she called Art.
She would say it didn’t happen until her dying day. She wouldn’t have anyone to say it to because he didn’t answer, and she didn’t plan on going around telling the world she drunkenly called Art Donaldson.
It was embarrassing.
Patrick was always busy.
Tennis.
Fucking tennis. She hated tennis so much, and as someone who didn’t even know how to hold a racket properly, she couldn’t escape this terrible game.
So as close as Patrick had been during these months, he was still far away. She had hoped so much that he would be an integral part of this experience. That he would love London as much as she loved London, but he just loved playing tennis in London, and she was losing to the ball and racket again and again throughout her life.
“I haven’t seen you in a week. Why are you mad at me?” Patrick stood up, moving towards the kitchen, leaning against the door in his characteristic way.
“I’m not mad at you.” She rolled her eyes, her back to him, trying to wash the plate he ruined with food he didn’t clean up in time.
“This is pointless.” She muttered to herself.
“That passive-aggressive vibe might work with Art. It doesn’t work on me. Either tell me why you’re mad or let me go rest.” He said, not taking his piercing gaze off her back.
“Do you want me to leave?” She turned to him. Her expression made it clear she was hurt.
She completely ignored the comment about Art. Patrick didn’t want to keep ignoring comments about Art.
“I want you to tell me what you want from me, Liana. I don’t think that’s an unreasonable request.” He started moving towards her.
“I don’t want anything from you, Patrick. You’re my friend. We came here together, and I care about you. That’s all.” She shrugged and looked everywhere in the room except his face.
“Liana.” He stood in front of her, demanding. Something in his tone made her look directly at him.
“What?” Her voice was quiet.
She hated her voice. Why did she always sound so desperate?!
“Why are we fighting about dishes when you don’t live here? You understand that’s ridiculous?” He asked, not letting go and not changing his tone out of pity for her soft voice.
“I’m not fighting with you. I want you to be reasonable. Do you think I enjoy playing mommy with you?” She asked, raising an eyebrow and folding her arms beneath her chest.
Patrick stared at her chest.
He didn’t even try to hide it. Fuck it.
“You can’t act like we’re sleeping together while not sleeping with me. That’s absurd.” He realized he had said it only when he saw her eyes widen and her face turn red.
“You think I’m hitting on you, Patrick? Is that what you think this is?” She asked, her voice unsteady. She couldn’t believe this was happening to her. She couldn’t believe this was happening to her. She couldn’t believe this was happening to her. God. Why is this happening to her?
“Eat from your disgusting plate with mold for all I care. I won’t say a word.” She said and tried to move past him. It was her cue to leave before this conversation escalated.
He pulled her back with a quick but not overly forceful hand movement. She knew he had a lot more strength in him.
She knew he was fire. In the pair Fire and Ice, he would always be Fire.
“Patrick.” Her weak voice almost whispered.
“You’re not hitting on me?” He asked, also in a low voice. He seemed relatively calm considering the storm of emotions within him.
Patrick decided he had nothing more to lose.
He was improving. He was maturing. He asked his parents for help. He had moved halfway across the world to be close to her. He was becoming the best version of himself.
And to be honest, Patrick knew that if Liana had settled for the mediocre and basic version of Art, there was no reason he shouldn’t at least try.
So Patrick decided to try.
“No...” She bit her lip and looked at him without breaking eye contact.
“Bullshit.” He laughed. He just laughed in her face and didn’t release his hold.
“You’re walking around my apartment, dressed in short clothes in fucking December in London. Getting mad about plates. Liana. Even you can’t be that naive about what this does to me after a week of a tournament. A grueling week of victories without anyone to celebrate my success.” He considered kissing her neck at that moment.
He thinks she would let him.
Now, looking at her, he was sure she would let him do whatever he wanted with her. And he was a greedy bastard.
He wanted everything.
“Liana. Look at me.” He demanded. Not letting go. She looked.
“Why are we fighting?” He asked. The stern tone made her blink.
“I missed you.” She said, defeated.
“It’s really hard when you’re supposedly here but not really here, and I know you’re here for tennis, but I wanted you to be here for me too, and it’s okay if we have separate lives here, I do too—” Patrick cut off her endless ramblings because he knew she wouldn’t stop talking if it was up to her.
His lips found hers, and his hands held the back of her head.
and somehow she actually kissed him back.
The feeling of Patrick’s lips on hers was different from the feeling of Art’s lips. Liana hated herself for comparing him to Art. She wondered if every person who will kiss her would automatically be compared to the person who hurt her the most.
She wondered if that’s how she would live the rest of her life. And during these existential thoughts, she realized the bitter truth.
Art Donaldson would be a part of her forever.
“Pat. Wait. We can’t. We can’t do this.” She put a small hand on his chest, and he took a step back. Because when a girl told Patrick she wanted to stop, he stopped.
“Why can’t we?” He didn’t look amused. He looked angry and hungry and tired, all in the once. In the same body movements.
“You know why” Liana sighed.
Silence fell in his kitchen.
"You don't owe him anything," Patrick stated. This time he felt like he's the one who could stomp his foot like a kid in the middle of a tantrum.
"I know." She bit her lip.
"I don't owe him anything," he said, this time not looking at her.
Because if she saw his face, she'd know he was lying to himself.
Liana always saw him. She saw him stripped of defenses. And his biggest defense right now was tied to the girl in front of him and the fact that they both missed Art.
And he did owe him the love of his life.
Because Liana still didn't know what Patrick and Art both knew clearly; Patrick had won.
She would be his the moment he decided so.
"Liana. Please let me kiss you." His voice was weak, and his gaze shifted to her. His eyes still screamed fire. Fire. Fire. Danger. Run. Fire. Stay away. Get closer. Fire. Danger. Fire.
"Liana." He said again, closer now, breathing the same air she breathed.
The air she exhaled entered his lungs. He moved his hand back to her neck. The other hand, unashamedly, grabbed her ass in a half-pinch.
It was a grip that didn't retreat, didn't regret, didn't shy away. As if he was born to hold her exactly like this. Exactly how he wanted. "Patrick." She didn't recognize the sound that escaped her mouth out of surprise, but she recognized Patrick's smile just a second before his lips were on hers again.
Patrick had decided.
Hey thereeee
It's London and it's Patrick's time to shine. What are we feeling about everything? Talk to me. I'm dying to know what you're thinking as usual.
taglist:
@lamoursansfin @marley1773 @ruyaas-world @apolloscastellan @primlovesdilfs @fangirl-kimora @serenadingtigers @imbabycowboy @do-it-for-kicks @izzywags478 @4deline08 @igotmajordaddyissues @jackierose902109 @ganana @yoitsme-04 @swetearss
#art donaldson x reader#patrick zweig x reader#art donaldson#patrick zweig#challengers fic#the time of our lives
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Chilchuck angst
I love this lil middle age man but i aslo live for angst so her are few my ideas because I need tell someone and if you have angst dm me we can talk about it
He carries a wallet size family portrait (when his girls were little) with him when he goes down in a dungeon, and he looks at it when he miss them. ( I feel like photos are probably pretty 💰💰 so they only had few consist wedding photo, baby photo mayjack she's fist born, then one of the whole family ) and this photo is chaotic and It makes him smile.
This is the ONLY photo he has of his entire family and he hasent seen them in few years with his kids grown living there own lives and him and his wife are split this photos all he's got.
How far would this man go for this picture. I can see chilchuck getting badly hurt because he went back to grab it and as Marcille is lecturing him about his reckless action as she's healing him.
Marcille: "What could have been so important that you risk your life over??"
Chilchuck: "my family or what's left of it"
He shows her the photo and marcille feels her heart drop she finally got to learn something about him and its sad ( this miscommunication leads to his group to believe chil family is dead )
Chilchuck taught Mayjack how to pick locks, and in the manga, he says when he dies, if they need someone, she'd be their first choice. SO he obviously took her through dungeon showing her how to navigate because being locksmith in a shop vs. dungeon is night & day different, dungeon being high pace environment.
Could you imagine how traumatizing that would be if saw her dad die in front of her AND NOT KNOW THEY COULD BE REVIVED!! (Seeing anyone die would be scaring) Especially if she felt it was her fault.
At first, Mayjack was curious about going into a dungeon with her dad to see exactly what he does she rember as kid seeing him come home late tired excused but mostly worn down.
Whenever she asked him about his work as a kid he was always vague or if he did talk about it was pg version and normally he was just trying scare us about going into dungeon. BUT one thing he made very clear, he didn't want any of her or her sister near the dungeon, but now that she's an adult, he couldn't stop her.
" I still don't want you near the dungeon, but you are a skilled locksmith, so you would be valued and well paid. IF you're still interested, I'll have you shadow me on my next small job so you can see what it's like."
At first, it was like any job we met with the client went over to the terms dad took payment, and then we headed over to the dungeon. I was awestruck by the new environment, but it quickly became overstimulating it took me a moment to adjust. the first few levels, dad had pointed out things to avoid what were scams & how to detect traps and walked me through a few I felt confident. Most importantly, when talking jobs, always have a skilled healer. Now I realize why as we enter new room dad was working on trap I was observing the room when I noticed treasure chest peaking out corner not knowing it was a mimick.
Chilchuck was Halfway through picking his lock when his dad sense went off. He quickly looked around room and spotted may messing with mimick
Chilchuck: "MAYJACK TIMS! get away from that!!" He starts running towards her
May turned to look at her dad, confused " why I already unlocked it?"
Her body stiffened as she could feel presents inside the chest, but before mimick could attach, chilchuck pushed her out of the way taking damage as it jabbed one of its claws through his neck causing him to bleed everywhere all mayjack could do was watch in horror paralyzed with fear trying process what happened. One of group members took care of mimick while she scrambled to her feet to get to here dad trying to put pressure on his wound tears flooding out
"Nonononno im sorry I'm sorry 🥺 "
As chilchuck lay there dying, he was more concerned with the fact he could comfort his daughter. This wasn't how he wanted to see death for the first time. Afterwards, the healer from their group came over and assured her he was going to be fine as she worked on reviving him.
Chilchuck let out a gasp and cough out some blood that had remained stuck in his throat. He turns to mayjack " that's why I told you to stay near me..." He moves toward her noticing her hands are strained with his blood. " are you hurt?... may? "
She shakes her head, and tears start to fall down her face he pulls her in for a hug. " it's ok, I'm ok ... I'm right here. " she hugs him tight, and they stay in that embrace for a while. When they finally break the hug, chilchuck wipes tears from her face.
" im sorry you saw that... do you want to go home.? "
" but the job?"
Chilchuck shakes his head " don't worry about it I brought someone along for that exact reason"
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Since the algorithm on my various socials thinks I actually want to see a ton of people simping over Rhys and ACOTAR, let’s get down to the bones of why that algorithm is fucked beyond all comprehension, shall we?
I’ve never hidden the fact that I’m pro-Tamlin, not in the sense that I approve of what he did, but from the place that I believe he’s worthy of forgiveness in the same way any of the men that SJM otherwise glorifies in her work is worthy of it for any of their transgressions.
I shouldn’t have to do a paint by numbers thing here to make this obvious, but based on the actual text written by SJM in her own words, Tamlin has objectively done nothing better or worse than Rhysand has.
The big complaint is his temper, of course, and pro-Rhysies love to bullshit about how the red flags were all over book 1 and SJM is such a master at foreshadowing.
He locked Feyre in a house against her will to protect her, when she clearly didn’t want to be caged. How is that any worse than Rhysand…drugging her and making her give him lap dances, in order to protect her, when she clearly didn’t want to be dancing naked in front of strangers?
Go on. I’ll wait for your rationalization.
Rhysand’s whole shtick was that he’s only playing the villain to keep Velaris (and only Velaris) safe…those fucks in the Hewn City can eat a bag of dicks, right? But tell me again how Tamlin is the really bad one for enforcing a tithe because it’s unfair to those who can’t afford it (fair point). But Rhysand chooses to save the one city in his court that has zero problems. Let’s let those that might already be suffering from poverty get kidnapped and tortured by a psychopath. That’s probably better than a tithe, right?
And let’s not forget how Tamlin mocked Feyre and Rhys at the High Lords meeting. While funny, it was in poor taste. At least Rhysand didn’t publicly mock Tamlin. He had the decency to do it privately when he went out of his way to go to a deeply troubled man’s house and, in the midst of an obvious mental health crisis, not only had the gall to ask for resources from a man that has no resources because his own wife fucking destroyed them out of spite, but proceeds to rub in his triumph over a man that has nothing left. Nothing to see there, right?
Even if you could ignore all of that (and you’d have to be willfully fucking thick to do so, which a lot of these people are), I shall leave you with Tamlin’s role as a spy for Hybern. That’s obviously supposed to be a real shock because TaMliN BaD at this point, so why would anyone believe him? It’s not like he had a really good explanation like Rhys gave when he murdered literal children and innocents just to ensure Amarantha didn’t know how noble he actually was. Right? RIGHT?! And it’s not like anyone would have a harder time believing someone who had played evil and done actually evil things for the “greater good” (a collectivist dog whistle if there ever was one) for fifty fucking years over the dude that suddenly goes bad after being a progressive and respected high lord for the same period of time? I mean, it’s not like we’re dealing with severe mental anguish and trauma here. That’s crazy talk.
Shadow Daddy does no wrong. Even when he does. Because reasons.
Those idiots on TikTok making stupid videos showing their bf’s being all shocked and I KNEW IT when Tamlin “turns” can chew glass along with all those dipshits selling mugs that say “Tamlin’s Tears” on Etsy right next to merch glorifying a man that literally gaslit his soulmate into believing that forced drunken naked lap dances were actually a good thing, when you think about it.
SJM isn’t a master of foreshadowing. She’s a sloppy writer of moderately entertaining fiction that has a kink for glorifying severely unhealthy behaviors without the benefit of a trigger warning.
Fuck off if you think that’s all okay and think that anyone that says Tamlin isn’t any worse comparatively is the crazy one. Projection is a real disorder. Look it up. Right after you order your 543rd Rhysand candle.
#anti rhysand#anti feysand#anti sjm#anti feyre#pro tamlin#anti inner circle#anti acotar#sjm critical
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Unpopular opinion
But I really think that if Logan had been able to go through F2 fully and develop like everyone else (except max) did, and was put on a ran that wasn’t Williams, he’d be a much better driver. I can tell he’s improving currently, but he’d be so much better if he was allowed to grow and thrive and then put into F1, but he was taken out of F2 early, dumped into F1, and expected to perform amazingly.
Not every driver can skip F2 or be taken out early and perform great. I think the old team principal set him up for failure but not sporting him to continue his endeavors on F2. He was doing well so the team principal wanted to get to him before any other team could and that ultimately led to Logan’s horrible first season.
And I also think he was done wrong by Williams this season too. I understand that he’s by no means the best driver on the grid, but he isn’t the worst either.
A lot of people don’t want to acknowledge the growth he has made since last year. His year was ruined before it could truly began. With what happened in Australia, the team took his confidence away, and things went down from there. He was so ready and extremely confident, but his car was taken as punishment for something that his teammate did to his own car.
I get that it was a decision based on who could get points, but what really did it was the fact that Alex didn’t get any points and then Logan got his busted up chassis
And even recently, Logan barely got upgrades. He was given stuff from last year. I think he would do so much better on a different team because Williams obviously do not care for him the way they care for Alex. I get that he hasn’t really been driving the way they want him, but to be honest, neither has Alex.
I don’t know, man, this is just my opinion, but I feel like if he was allowed to finish his formula 2 season and then put into formula 1 things would be better for him. And if he weren’t in Williams, then that would be even better. They are known as the worst team on the grid to put a rookie in.
Another unpopular opinion, but I genuinely think he deserves another chance in a team like haas. I know you’re probably going to disagree with me, but haas has a better car than Williams and they would treat him fairly. He would also bring the team many sponsors as the only American, so it would be a win-win.
We don’t know how he would perform in a different team with a better car, so I’m just saying I would like to see what would happen
Honestly I agree with everything uve said here anon, like wholeheartedly.
I'm just gonna add a few more things, but overall, we both have the exact same opinions.
I feel like ppl forget that williams is literally an OVERWEIGHT car, like u literally can't expect amazing results from them, and I know some of you are gonna talk abt how alex seems to be doing rlly well, but alex has been here since 2019. Not to forget that he was part of that redbull shitshow, like this man is fully trained in the art of surviving under stressful situations, and he's also an experienced driver.
I feel like there's more hate on logan bc ppl keep seeing how well Oscar's doing, and those 2 came into F1 at the same time. But you literally can't compare them. You can't. Oscar's one of the VERY few rookies who managed to adjust to f1 that quick, and logan literally just needs TIME like all the other drivers got when they first joined too. Not to mention how SUPPORTING mclaren is of oscar, while james vowels is out there already talking abt different driver options and williams is so blatantly unmotivating of logan. God, ofc it's just gonna affect his performance even more bc this is the ONLY team hes been with, and it's his SECOND year, he needs affirmations and support.
Oscar is also in an AMAZING car, and as I've said bfr, logan is NOT. Ppl rlly need to stop comparing them.
All in all, his situation makes me so sad.
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With this new mystery person I’ve been people saying a lot of things from it’s tenko to it’s the new afo the kids are gonna stop by preventing him from ever being a villain. Among all that there’s been a fair amount of people saying this is showing hero society is doomed now that shigaraki and the league are gone. My question though is how would shigaraki and the league winning or teaming up with deku and the heroes for the future prevent this? Like what could have actually been done to prevent this? Like tenko says he’s gonna be the hero to the villains but that doesn’t change the problem, he’s still one guy the league members are a finite amount. Even if every single fighter on that battlefield decided hey let’s all work together for a better future, how does that stop people from falling through the cracks? Like short of a totalitarian surveillance state where every single person has a twice clone with them in case something happens there’s still gonna be incidents where no one that can help is around for some reason.
So it's true that as much as I hype up the League and Shigaraki and insist they are right (and they are! to a point), they were indeed less interested in the new world they will be building, and more just interested in tearing down the old world. The world that comes after destruction was at best vague, at worst just pure lawless chaos, a quirk free-for-all. But for them, in their imagining, it would've been a freer world in some aspects, in that the rules and norms they felt trapped in can be destroyed. Heroes as a civil servant/law enforcement job wouldn't exist; they're free to use their quirks; the standards that called them inhuman and crazy and the such and rejected them could be abolished. It's true that it wouldn't have been a better society for everyone - which is why the League and the Villains had to be defeated.
What would've been (and still would be) ideal is the Heroes taking lessons from this - hearing out the League's discontent of the deep structural issues of their current society, and doing something about it. But see - here, its not about Heroes or fighters. It's about change on all levels of society. Change in attitudes and cultural mindset and institutions. You stop people from falling through the cracks by getting rid of the cracks the best you can; by building multiple safety nets above the cracks; and finally by having people who reach into the cracks to pull out those who've still managed to fall in.
A lot of the issues the League went through really could not have been solved by Heroes; did not need to be solved by Heroes, if the proper cultural progress was made and the social support services were available. So like, Toga:
Her parents seemed to have been very concerned about abiding by the prevailing norms of society. This could be because society values conformity and ostracizes those who can't fit into a neat, little box - despite the fact that quirks should've broaden and redefined those boxes, after a whole century since quirks appeared. Change the need and the pressure to conform - educate people to be more tolerant and accommodating - and her parents might have felt less fearful of having a child that wasn't 'normal'. Heck, change the definition of 'normal'.
I've always wondered what exactly a Hero can do about the emotional abuse Toga's parents inflicted on her. For one thing, I doubt they were screaming 'inhuman demon child' at little four-year-old Toga in public at a frequency and volume that would make a Hero take notice. (Remember, they wanted to be seen as a nice, normal, middle-class family. All the abuse was probably kept at home, behind closed doors.) And I wonder if someone did try to intervene, the parents might not have tried to claim it's simply discipline, because after all, Toga has an instinct to drink blood - relying on the Heroes' own understanding of human taboos and preconceived notions of 'villainous' quirks. Plus, no one in this situation is using their quirk - no law is being broken. For this to be addressed, we go back to the point above - education about the definition of 'normal' - as well as a more robust child welfare system.
Quirk counseling! When the lady said Toga had "deviant behavior" and said "Let's get you all reformed, nice and normal" and promised Toga's parents that "we'll be sure to iron it all out", that's her doing her job. A job that the government supports, given how they have general quirk counselings at schools. A job that UA Hero Factory Principal Nedzu probably helped developed in some way, since he's apparently an influential and world-renown expert in 'quirk morality education'. Quirk Counseling Lady is there to give Toga therapy. She was probably incredibly nice and professional about it. She was probably properly following all procedures. There is nothing you can arrest her for. No, the issue is the goal of quirk counseling itself - to make someone 'normal'. And we're back again to point above.
And then there was all the teachers throughout the 9 years of Toga's public school education that could've taken notice of anything wrong at home. Probably should've paid more attention to the bite wounds at Toga's wrists.
Hell, there probably could've been a hotline for Toga to call or a youth center for Toga to go to, if she felt she was struggling and reaching a point of break. Why didn't she go? Maybe because she was afraid she'll be called inhuman, that she'll be turned away. Why does she think that way? See first point above.
She stabbed Saito, but even then, I think the right response could've stopped her from stabbing more people. After the stabbing, Toga went on the run, and she's been fearful ever since that she would be killed by Heroes. Instead of turning herself in, expecting to still be treated as a person and that the justice she’ll receive is appropriate, she figured it was better to throw her lot with Villains and the underworld at 15 years old. She believed that she had a better chance surviving homeless on the streets with harden criminals, than with Heroes and whatever juvie they put her in. I think there's an image issue there that Heroes and police should fix. Yes, criminals should feel guilt and horrible and prison has to be unpleasant in order to be a deterrent to crime, but in the interest of harm reduction, maybe rethink that.
Also maybe if the media didn't go and put her parent calling her a demon child and disowning her on air. Kinda feels like the type of thing that burn bridges and makes her feel she can't return, even if she might have wanted at some point. Who the heck authorized that segment???
This is a lot of speculation, but I don't think it's illogical. I don't think the problem just started when Toga stabbed Saito and a Hero failed to beat her up and arrest her, a 'fighter' that couldn't be there to prevent the incident. I think the problem started when her parents freaked out at seeing her quirk manifest and their first instinct is to slap her and accuse their 3-year-old of catching a bird to kill it and drink it's blood and then proceed to worry about 'my child is not normal!!!', instead of gently taking the bird away, be concerned about germs, and giving her unconditional love but also firm parenting.
Consider the mirror opposite: Iida, who went rogue and tried to get revenge on Stain.
First off, I think UA - Aizawa specifically - failed so badly in it's job as teachers. Iida's brother is attacked and paralyzed by Stain; Stain was last seen in Hosu; Iida wrote on his Internship form he wants to intern at an agency in Hosu (and left it as his only choice in a form that give three choices). That's a giant red flag??? And they let the kid go??? So that's a missing safety net.
Manuel seeing just how obvious it was that Iida was after Stain. He gave him a talking to, which is good, but that was it. Should've ordered the kid home immediately. Second missing safety net.
Iida goes and attacks Stain. This is where Iida starts getting helped. Deku and Todoroki figured out his plan and went to help him, instead of, say, deciding that, 'Wow, he's breaking the rules. Maybe he's not such a good guy after all. Should disassociate myself from such a person if I want a successful school and Hero career.' But they helped, and so Iida and Native aren't dead in a alley - or 'worse': Native dead, but Iida is alive, and part of the responsibility possibly put on him.
Biggest help: The police chief deciding to help out these kids by not pressing charges, by making sure the story is not released to the public, and ensuring that the small number of eyewitnesses stay hush.
His family also didn't disown him or become estranged from him for getting caught up in all this. They love him, so they wouldn't.
I get that Iida is an excellent student and promising Hero student who made an error in judgment when he was caught in whirlwind of emotions regarding his beloved brother, and Toga was less so. (Maybe. She was a year younger and we didn't know her grades and we weren't quite sure the exact sequence of events the led to her stabbing Saito, which was due to her getting caught in the whirlwind of a romantic crush, perhaps her first taste of love after receiving none at home). But had he not had the support he had, he would've kept falling. And where would he have landed then?
You don't need a Twice to prevent these incidents. You don't even need Heroes, exactly. You needed understanding and caring citizens, in a supportive community. Now make it a culture that produces such citizens.
With Mystery Person. We don't know what their deal is, or what their past. But if they are a victim of abuse and confinement from their parents who couldn't handle their quirk, then a Hero saving them is a Hero coming in after the damage has been done. I think the better fix is to stop the damage before it happens - making sure parents never conclude they should be zip-tying their kids as a solution to anything.
Sorry for the long response! And sorry for how pseudo-sociologist it got. Don't trust me on this. It's only my thoughts. Thanks for the ask!
#Toga Himiko#Scissors-kun#Iida Tenya#unfortunately they live in a quirky society#asked#ask#answered#9trixieturner6#nalslastworkingbraincell
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Sorry for intruding! I love reading your insights on Alien Stage!
I was wondering...what do you think Till felt every time he woke up with his collar/muzzle off (especially at his absolute lowest point after the gala they showed in Round 6)?
Till probably knew that Ivan was the one doing it, since he'd done it for their failed escape during the meteor shower.
Till's thoughts are such a mystery😣
It really is such a mystery. Even if we keep speculating, there's still a chance they'll finally drop canon Till content and his thought process will be a lot different than we expected 😭 Still I continue to hope like a fool...
Personally, I think Till is a lot less oblivious than he seems... I'm pretty sure he's well aware of Ivan's doings, he just doesn't comment on it.
There are many instances of Ivan acting with no intention of letting Till find out (freeing him from his restraints, taking his things). Ivan steals many of Till's things and it upsets Till because he knows it's Ivan who's stealing it. That's the important part, he's aware. He's most likely not clueless about Ivan's other doings, too.
At first, Till was oblivious to the things that Ivan did for him, but as time passed he must've caught on. Even though Till knows that Ivan moves when he isn't looking, he doesn't directly confront him on it, instead bringing it up in a short graduation message ("You're the one who stole my pencil that one time, right?" This could be Till's way of saying I see you. Ivan cares for Till when he believes he won't be noticed. Instead of a lengthy message, Till chooses to simply let Ivan know that his efforts are acknowledged).
I'd imagine someone like Till, who fiercely protects his independence and has a lot of pride in it, would feel conflicted at the thought of being indebted to someone. Until now, he's only known people to take from him against his will, so he becomes easily defensive. Till is rude and aggressive, he pulls at hair and throws punches in retaliation to teasing. So for that same teasing boy to continuously be there for him even when Till has never once asked... even when Till continues to be rough around the edges... I don't think he knows what to do with that feeling. In Till's mind, Mizi is his savior. She's the one he imagines helping him up, reaching out her hand for him. In reality, his true savior is one he never asked for. He never asks Ivan for help, yet Ivan provides it unconditionally and constantly, content with staying unacknowledged as long as he gets to help Till and stay by his side. It's the same reason he steals from Till, hiding his things just to give it back to him later and act like he "found" it. Ivan wants to help Till, to "save" him (even fabricating situations in order to prove that he can be of service).
Till turning away from Ivan during the scene in the cafeteria can be seen as an expression of guilt. I do think that Till would carry a lot of guilt in him for not being able to reciprocate Ivan's actions and feelings. Even though Till finds Ivan strange, he cannot deny the connection between them and the realization that he is in fact "indebted". It's an awkward thing, and Till isn't the type to maturely deal with his emotions, especially if they're of the more conflicting kind. Till does not react explosively to Ivan's secret actions because he acknowledges that Ivan is doing him kindness, and he doesn't know what to make of it.
Whenever Till wakes up without his collar on, he'd know Ivan has been there. It's something that only Ivan would do. It'd bring him a sense of guilt, but maybe a little comfort, too.
#of course till probably doesnt know about EVERY instance of ivan stealing his stuff/freeing him#since most of the time hes probably knocked out cold 😭 but id imagine he gathered enough reasoning#and realized it was probably ivan most of the time#also this might be ooc sorry im not well atm ahaha.#i might come back to this idea with more to say or more polished thoughts or maybe even a change of heart#but for now this is what i have#thank you!!#alien stage till#alien stage ivan#ivantill#asks
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Helloooo, im gonna stay anonymous bc im shy, but anyways. How many parts do you think after the rain will haveeee? You did say that u were writing a new chapter, and i just HADD to come ask u.
Aint missy reader, just a badass lolol. Idk if it's just me, but im quite interested in Satomis motherrr. Which is why i got another question to ask youu. What do you think she looks like?? I tell myself that i picture her as a japanese woman with a shoulder length wavy hair with tan-ish skin, but idkkk, i can't picture her at ALL
Hello shy anon! Such a cutie pie. It's okay, you can be anonymous. I don't mind. Whatever makes you comfortable baby cakes.
I actually don't know with that one. But I do know that I'm almost finished with part 7 which is where we are currently at. It's such a... wow, it's QUITE the chapter, I'll tell you that. But it's a good one, I think. I should post it maybe tomorrow or the end of the week. I don't really know. Soon probably.
READER IS SUCH A BADDIE!!
ooh Satomi's mother aye. Fun fact, if I continue further into the story, we'll meet her. In my head, she's kind of like what happened in Rent a Dam. She's reader but in a different font and obviously not related. So she can look HOWEVER you want her to look, Satomi inherits 90% of her looks from her dad because Kirishima genes to be strong. So it doesn't matter how she looks. I do think she's a bit on the chonky side though. Eijiro do love him a chubby Omega, I'll give him that.
+1 🥦Point
+1 🦈Point
-Glitch1d
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ykw actually I am angry + disappointed w them. I've been pushing how I feel aside and trying to make it my own fault so it's all contained but I think theyve just been mean. and they really should know me better ik I try to pretend I don't expect more from them so I feel less hurt when they do things that upset me but we've been friends for years by this point. like come on.
#just got home and went to put my shit away but my flatmate was in the kitchen and i got suddenly so mad i had to walk back out#not going to do or say anything while im this upset. i need to be a lot calmer before i can even be in the same room as her#like okay. so originally it was just the two of them getting drinks and theyd rather it was just them bc i dont drink. thats cool#it wouldve been difficult for me to join them after work bc travel. and ik theyd done this before just the 2 of them and had fun#i can fully respect that its why i said no and stuck by that decision when she asked again#but to not mention she was taking the day off work and btw i just found out that BOTH of our other old flatmates joined in too#to not mention that they were travelling that entire distance and that it wasnt just drinks it was a whole day out together#thats just mean. why wouldnt you tell me that why did none of them say anything.#and the fact they did the exact same fucking thing last weekend too i didnt know about that at all#like i need to stop trying to justify it. im allowed to feel unwanted and excluded bc thats exactly what theyre doing.#im tired of feeling like other people dont want me around. i know i can be difficult and annoying sometimes. but im really not that bad#and we're meant to be friends!!!!!! like youre supposed to like your friends. and want to spend time with them. or at least i do#and yeah everyones annoying sometimes thats just part of being alive ur supposed to tolerate it if ur friends#im allowed to want to feel like im wanted. im allowed to want ppl to care abt me. that shouldnt be too much to ask for#but the overwhelming message im getting at the moment is they dont want me around. and when i am around them i feel like they dont listen#to me and that they dont really care how i feel unless it directly involves them or theyre responsible for it#i feel like they dont see me as a real person that exists. only a version they have in their heads and they base all their assumptions and#decisions off that version instead of directly communicating with me. and constantly avoid me under the guise of 'giving me space'#when im upset or having a difficult time and most need support from other people. i just feel really unseen#and ik that part of how i feel IS exacerbated by insecurity and depression. like they do care to some degree#but also a lot of it is evidenced in the way they act towards me. mainly my roommate bc shes the person i interact with most#and personally i find the most direct ways of showing u care abt someone are showing up for them. and making them feel seen#and maybe not everyone feels the same way. but thats how it works for me anyway#so to repeatedly exclude me and avoid acknowledging that ive been having a difficult time is the opposite of that to me#which is the point im trying to arrive at... sorry ik ive probably said similar things repeatedly the last few weeks but i feel like its#crystallising a bit like this is the core reason why im so sensitive and reactive atm and why i got so upset by it#idk. not tonight bc im still very emotionally raw but maybe tomorrow if im calmer i should explain that i was upset + why to her#i avoid doing that so often when im upset bc i dont think theres much point in having a conversation abt it unless u expect some kind of#resolution from it. or if you want an apology but idrc abt being apologised to the crucial thing is what theyre going to do different#and i love her but shes very resistant to changing her behaviour bc of other ppl being upset by it. and like i said before she has
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stealing my own tags for a post lol
my main thing is that the q&as make jonny's feeling on making a continuation pretty clear, but also art and money and time passing after a project so who knows
the '2' has thrown me through a bit of a loop but i still dont think theyre making a sequel? because it would be a Wild and very anticlimactic way to announce that sort of thing as just a decipherable clue.
if theyre making new content im banking on either post-eyeapocalypse what-the-girlfriends stuff for halloween (yay ghost hunters can now explore spooky houses without actually dangerous shit) or maybe a short alternate universe thing. like if they Did want something with jon or martin (they sure did bring him back for the teaser) or both it would have to be in one of the Other universes. my main sticking point is not wanting our jon or martin back, theyre fucked!! lol
but maybe in time ill eat my words because TMA (jumps in the air) 2!!! turns out to be something that in hindsight becomes so part of TMA that ill shake my past self for ever not wanting it. Big Shrug Emoji
would love more spooky creepypasta audio shit from jonny. love shortform horror, love his delivery. but also ive grown comfortable with a story i like being finished. time to wait two weeks and and be normal about it
#tma#the magnus archives#tma spoilers#do i think it's possible for jonny and everyone to make a good sequel. yes#they did in fact make what i can probably say at this point is My Favorite Thing#do sequels and continuations of good things often turn out bad. also yes#and theyve said previously that they had no real interest in making more#At The Same Time for many reasons people have gone back and decided to make more of a finished product#whether its because time makes the story feel more fresh and easy to work on#or because yknow. gotta make stuff to eat#hell they could make a true sequel and even knock it out of the park and make me eat my words!#/points at RQ/ do not ruin this for us
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99% just my autism speaking here but something ive been noticing lately that im sorta kinda 😶 about is when ppl are like "I think you'll like this" but not bc they ACTUALLY think you'll like it, rather they just got into it and want you to also get into it so "I think you'll like this" is a nice personal hook. i love chill stuff as much as any other person ofc but given i don't divulge that EVER, what makes you think my berserk reading, made in abyss watching, drakengard playing ass would like YURU CAMP????
#gu6chan's musings#am i just taking the phrase too literally???? like i appreciate the thought but also.... what agitates me is the fact theres not any#when i say something among the lines of 'i think YOU'LL like this' or 'This made me think of you' like#its bc i think of THAT PERSON IN PARTICULAR or think THAT PERSON IN PARTICULAR would like it#again it's probably just autism brain taking figures of speech too literally but i HATE it bc it just makes me feel like#all the times i shared my interests meant nothinggggg typically i just ask 'neat; what makes you think ill like it?' and ppl start stumbling#and im like :(#whats rlly funny in this case is not only the fact i had only ever established my love of dark fantasy and mystery to this person#but they also flatout asked 'youre not really into modern media much are you' to which the answer was 'not much lol'#and i said the reasons i dont care for 'cute girls doing cute things' anime (re: k-on) is bc if i have the time to watch it then i at LEAST#wanna spend it watching a series that's???? not 'the point of it is to relax :)'??? i can sleep for that#anyways like 2 days later they said they said they think id REALLY like this new anime they've been watching lately and I was like 'oh?'#and it was yuru camp.... and internally i was like 'are you fucking kidding me' but on the outside i was like 'oh sweet what makes you think#id like it? id love some new media recommendations especially if they're newer shows bc ive been having SO MUCH TROUBLE trying to find#something interesting that isn't from 2008'#and they sent me a picture of the most generic anime girl ever and they're like 'it has really cute girls' and then i just wanted to kms#like.... this isn't bc you thought id like it; is it.....#wanted to die internally but i played it cool and was like 'oh no; i appreciate it thoughtfulness and all but i don't think this is for me'#also the time where someone recommended signalis to me and i was like 'oh?' and they were like 'YEAH its SO good the people who made it#were even INSPIRED off of Nier' KNOWING FULL WELL I DIDN'T LIKE IT AND THE AMOUNT MY ENTHUSIASM JUST DIED... i was like#'oh. well that will be a pass then' and they tried backpedaling like 'well it's not SUPER inspired; i didn't know you HATED nier :(' like#my past 15 posts on my twitter werent me realising that the game was absolute garbage and calling it the most regretful thing ive ever spent#money on during my attempted playthrough 😭 i was like 'thanks; but I'll pass' to which they then responded by promptly sending me#signalis memes i had absolutely no idea how to respond to WITHOUT making it seem like i was super annoyed so i was just kinda 😶 and didn't#reply and they were like 'sorry :(' and i was like 'haha it's okay! i just have absolutely no idea how to respond to this joke i dont#understand at ALL'#was probably one of the more awkward interactions ive ever had but genuinely speaking i was so INTERESTED until they brought up that it was#inspired by nier i literally psychically felt all the enthusiasm leaving my body from 'damn; i might actually have to look into this' to#'oh well that's a bullet dodged' did not trust the backtracking either....
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#must not text him texting him is the growth killer#must not text him texting him would be bad because it will make us feel bad and its my fucking bday this weekend#im not letting me do that to us#but fucking god i miss him rn and a lot lately 😭😮💨 was there a traumaversary i didnt know about??#the only him related traumaversary already happened in feb and we handled it pretty fairly well (mostly due to the ffected being dormant)#but still like. what did i do last year for my bday? what did we do the year before he was probably there then but i dont remember feeling#this way around last bday? which he prroobbabblyy wasnt there for? time is not easy for me#idk its driving me crazypants lately like i miss him so much i thought he was my everything forever he told me he would be#but hes not and he never was and hes done a lot to hurt me but none of it was on purpose he was never mean or violent#and looking at old pictures we look so fucking good together and old chats the way he talked to me was so sweet and but that doesnt change#the fact that at this point in time and probably never again is he actually here#fuck this noise man ive got a cute outfit ready im going to the local museum with my grandma for my bday day#and ive got weed and tunes planned for the evening there are so many things to look forward to coming soon why#why do i seem to be stuck in the past lately. like not in active ptsd mode im not triggered as the kids love to say but i just cant stop#thinking abt him and the whole relationship and wishing he was here. wishing he never left? or more like wishing hed come back#hoping that hes changed enough and that i have too to make it work. i keep having awful visions of him coming to my door after a life attemp#and im so mad at him but i cant leave him out here so of course i invite him in to care for him and make sure hes ok#and its awful because it feels like a whisper away from being reality. its too close to what could be real#and its awful not because its a dream but because the closeness to what could be reality hurts so much when logic kicks in#and i know its not reality no matter how dang close it seems#personal#i think im splitty lately. im losing more time than usual and i cant get this boy outta my head.#i hope hes a lingering thought and not a permanent resident oh that would fuck us up so so bad#idk. idk dude! everythings fucked up atm im doing a lot of personal growth but im also behind on so many other things#i just want him out of my brain. its my fucking goddamn birthday and im making this one a good one for fucking once#i can handle the other shit later but this one do be fucking me up in a major way lately the last few days. weeks? who knows
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You ever think about how…
I’m chronically ill. I can’t hold a job. I have pain all over my body that makes doing things *hard*. In the time it takes me to brush my teeth and wash my face in the morning, my back and shoulders are kill me. Sometimes my hands also depending on the day. By the time I empty the dishwasher and eat breakfast, I need to lie down from both pain and exhaustion. Within an hour of waking up, I am already in need of a nap.
When I sit down at my computer in the afternoon, even after a nap I am frequently fighting through a least one layer of brain fog. Depending on the day, if I do decide to try to write it’s a ticking time bomb until my hands start to hurt and then get stiff making them hard to use. Even if I decide to only do things that use the mouse, there’s still a chance the stiffness will come up and make it hard to do anything.
A few times a week, I mod a stream. When it’s one of those nights I spend most of the day trying to avoid doing anything that might trigger the stiffness in my hands because I want to be able to type. My friends exist in those streams. Being able to talk to them is one of the few things I have to look forward to consistently.
I have trouble with shortness of breath and a racing heartbeat when I do anything that requires movement. I’m told it’s “just anxiety” by doctors, but despite my anxiety being better lately it only seems to get worse. I like to sing in the shower because it is one of my few moments I have the chance to, and music and singing makes me happy. It’s something that I need to do for my mental health. But lately I can’t make it through one song without feeling out of breath. It hurts to lose something that means so much to me.
Every day I feel like I’m in a battle against my body to do at least something that lets me live instead of just surviving. It doesn’t always work. Sometimes the fatigue and/or pain is so bad I cannot leave bed for more than to pee, refill my water, and grab food that takes no energy to make nor consume before returning, most likely to go back to sleep.
If I make plans to go out and do something it is with the knowledge I will be out of it for several days after.
I don’t know how I’m meant to hold a job in these conditions. At the same time though, how can I afford not to? I want a job, i desperately want to feel normal but more importantly I want to have money. I want to have the freedom to buy the things I want, go save up to go to places and see the people I want to see. I want to be able to do things, in a physical and monetarily sense so fucking bad.
But I *can’t*. Unless by some magic I wake up one day free of pain, fatigue, and brain fog, I can’t live a normal life. And magic like that doesn’t exist.
There are things that can maybe help, but the truth is I will never be free of these things. I’m chronically ill, and this is what my life looks like. The only thing I can do is accept it, but that is a lot harder then it sounds.
#ravenpuff rambles#chronic illness#sorry to just go off all of a sudden on a rant#but I was just#thinking about the fact I will never have accomplishments that will be celebrated#even if I managed to write a book that’s not something…#and then thinking about how I’ll probably have to close my bank account in a few months when I turn 25#because I don’t have the minimum to avoid fees and I never will#and so it would be a point where every penny I make nodding which isn’t much#would go just to keep the bank account open#and what’s the point of that?#and then I was thinking about how I probably won’t be able to get disability#even if my doctor wrote a letter and I did everything else#I’ve never had a job before (I was in college up until my problems started so I wasn’t working)#and it says on the website you can only get it if you’ve worked before but can’t now#all I want is the ability to be a person and do things that make me seem worth while#but instead I am here. unable to even bake much of the time despite it being my favorite thing because I am tired. standing hurts.#my book might forever remain unfinished because I can’t focus enough to get through even a first draft.#anyway
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I've always had chronic fatigue. I remember being twelve, and an adult mentioned how I couldn't possibly know how tired they felt because adulthood brought levels of exhaustion I couldn't imagine. I thought about that for days in fear, because I couldn't remember the last time I didn't feel tired.
Eventually I came to terms with the fact that I was just tired, and I couldn't do as many things as everyone else. People called me lazy, and I knew that wasn't true, but there's only so many times you can say "I'm tired" before people think it's an excuse. I don't blame them. When a teenager does 20 hours of extracurriculars every week and only says "I'm too tired" when you ask them to do the dishes, it's natural to think it's an excuse. At some point, I started to think the same thing.
It didn't matter that I could barely sit up. It was probably all in my head, and if I really wanted to, I could do it.
When I learned the name for it, chronic fatigue, I thought wow, people that have that must be miserable, because I am always tired and I cannot imagine what it would feel like if it were worse.
Spoiler alert, if you've been tired for a decade, it's probably chronic fatigue.
Once I figured that out though, I thought of my energy as the same as everyone else's, just smaller in quantity. And that might be true for some people, but I've figured out recently that it absolutely isn't true for me.
I used to be like wow I have so much energy today I can do this whole list for sure! And then I'd do the dishes and have to lay down for 2 hours. Then I'd think I must gave misjudged that, I didn't have as much energy as I thought.
But the thing is - I did have enough energy for more tasks, I just didn't go about them properly.
With chronic fatigue, your maximum energy is obviously much smaller than the average person's. Doing the dishes for you might use up the same percentage of energy that it takes to do all the daily chores for someone else.
If someone without chronic fatigue was to do all the daily chores, they would take breaks. Because otherwise, they're sprinting a marathon for no reason and it would take way more energy than necessary. We have to do the same.
Put the cups in the dishwasher, take a break. Put the bowls in, take a break. So on and so forth. This may mean taking breaks every 2-5 minutes but afterwards, you get to not feel like you've run a marathon while carrying 4 people on your back.
Today, I had a moderate amount of energy. Under my old system of go till you drop, I probably could have done most of the dishes and wiped off the counter and then been dead to the world for the rest of the day.
Under the new system, I scooped litter boxes, cleaned out the fridge, took the trash out, cleaned the stove, and wiped off the counter and did all the dishes. And after all that, I still had it in me to make a simple dinner, unload the dishwasher, and tidy the kitchen.
It was complete and utter insanity. Just because I sat down whenever I felt myself getting more tired than I already was.
All this to say, take fucking breaks. It's time to unlearn the ceaseless productivity bullshit that capitalism has shoved down our throats. Its actively counterproductive. Just sit down. Drink some water. Rest your body when it needs to rest.
There will still be days where there is nothing to do but rest, and days where half a load of dishes is absolutely the most I can do. But this method has really helped me minimize those, which is so incredibly relieving.
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