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ultrastellara · 8 months

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dilf zhongli x gender neutral reader modern au

tw: ITS A BIT SUGGESTIVE AT THE END, HOWEVER THERES NOTHING EXPLICITY EXPLAINING WHAT HAPPENED!!!

summary: you been working under zhongli for many years. from the moment his business started to the promotion of his company having more than one building in the city, you carried him through and through. you could never imagine not leaving his side unless something personal were to happen to you.

"i see, can i have y/n here to help decide the choices ?" zhongli stated. the meeting between the fatui board and archon board, your company were arguing about how to collaborate together on a project. this matter was mostly going to happen just because the fatui company needed some cash, well a ton. the members of the fatui company were currently occupied by some of the members of your company.

you heard voices of venti yelling at scaramouche about the incomes of how if they did a wine collaboration it would hit off so well. along with venti came kaeya coming in mentioning about how expensive could make it. however scaramouche scoffed them off saying that they werent taking this serious.

but remembering where you were asked to, you had gotten up and walked to your boss's place in the meeting. waiting patiently for him, to call your name out but since his eyes were focused on the screen mostly, you had to catch his attention.

"sir, i am here" you replied firmly. you saw him motion you to stand up and come see what he was looking at. you were expecting something really important. however when you were looking at his screen, you saw many options of boy clothes on a kid clothing website.

"which one would you think it'll suit my son?" he asked you.

you knew he was married but got divorced a few years ago, still knowing he had his son and his youngest a daughter. he never told you their names but you always looked forward to seeing him whenever they came by to the office.

"sir i think the one in the top right corner will suit your son the best" you paid closely to your outfit choice, knowing that his son would suit it the best. it would match his hair but as well his bubbly personality.

"thank you, my dear" he said, knowing that you would end up walking back to your seat in the meeting. he called out,

"would you be a dear and grab my morning coffee from my desk?"

this was the first time you ever heard him ask you an offer like that. surely you were his assistant but majority of the time his coffee was always with him. suspicious, you thought.

"yes sir. ill be right back" you grabbed onto the writing pad you had in your hands, bowing to him quickly before heading to his office.

the walk on the way to there wasnt too long but it managed to get you spaced out because you were wondering why he was making you do something like this.

it's strange, you kept thinking. strange because that cup of coffee he has is always placed on his desk. you then thought to, oh no? am i a bad assistant for not realizing his cup wasnt there ? no it cant be? is he testing me?

you saw the sign of his name placed on the right side of the door. knowing what you would expect to see in his room, you gently opened the door. turning the handle and entering in, as you walked in you quickly closed the door.

you were greeted to seeing the many photos he had of his children and himself. as well some photos of your staff and yourself in it. walking over to his desk, you saw the cup he had. the coffee was already gone. shocked as you were, cusses came out of your mouth knowing he was messing around with you.

"son of a-" you were about to cuss until you heard someone else entering the office.

"excuse me but-"

"oh y/n? that's where you were " those golden amber eyes he had were catching your eyes as he made eye contact with you.

"sir? oh yes im sorry if i had taken a while to get your cup but you see-"

"no need to worry, darling. i knew the cup was emptied from the start" he chuckled, while seeing your face turn from a smile into a 'wtf' face. the door was shut once again, leaving the two of you alone in his office.

"sir was this a test?" you asked curiously. you were making a much more serious face than before. his eyes paying attention from the frown you were making to the way your hands were firmly holding onto the writing pad.

"oh no, i wanted to talk to you about something. i apologize for scaring you earlier, my dear" he was much closer to you than ever before.

"then what did you need me for? shouldnt you be in the meeting right now?" you kept asking him all of these things. he really did wanted to talk to you about something however you werent giving him time to.

"shhh, y/n" he said, using his pointer finger to close your mouth from further talking. "remember i still wanted to talk to you about something ?" he reminded you.

some guilt came into you knowing that your boss was trying to tell you something however when you were about to speak up about something.

his hand gently cupping your cheeks, pressing his lips against yours. as nervous you got not realizing your boss of 4+ years was kissing you. you werent sure to kiss back because you didnt know what was truly going on in his head. the way he calls you 'darling' a lot. the way his eyes makes it's way to seeing you, he gets a bit exciting knowing you're here with him. yet however you never know what he feels about you.

hes told you the things he appreciates about you but has he ever given you some mixed feelings? you remember those times where women and men had been wanting his attention during those parties your company has every year. the feelings of some jealousy here and there yet you always brushed it off.

knowing where he is in workplace and even outside of his home. you wouldnt ever fit in to be in a romantic setting with him.

you couldnt replace the last lover he had right?

you would be wrong once you realized that you enjoyed this feeling. the feeling of wanting to be closer to him.

you kissed him back, dropping the writing pad that was in your hands. wrapping your arms gently around his neck and allowing him to place you onto his messy desk. the kiss was sweet yet had some fiery in it. it felt like you both wanted to do this before.

the hand that was on your face was then replaced onto your thighs. you both continue to kiss until he pulls away. seeing the flushed face you had right now, as he was in between your legs.

"oh my, i didnt think we would end up like this " he said, teasing you since he saw the adorable face you were going to give him soon.

"mr. zhongli i-" you were then cut off by another kiss. surprised by the position you two were in currently, your arms were pulling him closer to you.

"listen, y/n. if you stayed a bit quiet, i think i want to show you what i been keeping a secret for a while now" he said, continuing to kiss you until you let out a small moan by accident.

you had pulled away this time, slowly feeling your cheeks burning. wanting to cover your face with your hands however you looked away, not wanting to see his reaction.

"woah there, y/n. i didnt know you were enjoying this. you been thinking about this for a while, huh?" he gave you such a smug look knowing he was right about how you viewed him.

"sir..this is a bit new to me but i-"

"no darling, it's okay. i want you in the same way you want me too" he reassured you, gently making you look at him with his hand. "you want me?" you asked softly.

he nodded before placing his mouth onto your neck.

"i do, my dear. so please allow me to love you in the ways i shouldve a long time ago"

epilogue:

his chest was pressed onto your face as you woke up. currently where you were wasnt the workplace. instead you were in his bed in his house. knowing what happened between you two during that meeting you assumed you mustve passed out. however by the looks of it, the soreness you had proved that you two went a bit out.

not paying attention to your surroundings, you saw his eyes opening up.

"hmm..y/n?" he asked.

you looked at him, with a flushed face. damn he looks so good right now, you almost were to scream until you felt your forehead against his chest. you were quietly listening to his heart beat, not knowing he was looking down at you.

"you hear that, darling ?" he asked you.

you nodded knowing what he meant, his heart was beating a bit faster ever since you two finally were able to share an intimate moment like that.

"hey mr zhongli.." you stated.

"hm?"

"are we..um..you know, a bit more than working partners now?" you nervously asked.

he laughed at seeing you being this nervous, however he also admired the way you were acting towards him now.

"yes, darling. we are more than just business partners " cupping your cheek gently, while admiring all the marks he left behind.

he took note of how you two acted during your heated moment. started from the time the meeting was going to end until he was the last person leaving the building. after you had gone asleep once your session finally ended. he managed to tire you out so much even though they were breaks between every or few sessions in between. he never could imagine doing this with you until he realized a few days ago, of how a certain man from another company was talking to you. jealousy spread through his bones yet he kept it in not wanting to disrespect you and the man you had talked to.

however seeing the way you were looking at him through out those days before he decided to make a move. a part of him, wanted you with him further more in his life.

"i love you.." he said.

#zhongli x reader #genshin impact x reader #fluff #genshin x reader #gender netural reader #genshin impact #genshin impact scenarios #genshin impact x you #zhongli #genshin zhongli #DILF ZHONGLI #AND CEO TOO?#thats a lot ngl #but hey its hot in a way yet sounds so good #Imagine the money he would make

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k0kichiimagines · 2 years

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" you know just how to be cruel when you shake your hips that way

i dont care what you say

michelle

michelle "

[f] suit saeran x [f] reader ; [f] ray x [f] reader

cws : general another story cws

a/n : i kept ray as ray because i felt it could fit for a gender neutral name? i wasnt sure about saeran so i went with miss choi. nyways i thought of this as i was playing his route in time for his bday,, sorry for typos !!

"this one's pretty." you gesture to the flower. it is pretty, a bright pure orange lily, the petals long and curved outwards. it was blooming so nicely. ray nodded slowly, although she didn't seem to fully agree, her eyebrows knitted slightly.

"it is pretty. but it doesn't suit you, not at all."

"what does it mean?"

"hatred." you nodded in understanding. "so, id never give you this one. it doesn't suit you"

"so... which one does suit me?" her eyes darted over to you, cheeks turning pink as she thought about it.

"so many. but..." her eyes glanced around the flowers, although she didn't really need to, she knew the placement of every flower like the back of her gloved hand. perhaps even better. "lisianthus." she decided on firmly. "thats one."

...

"those purple eye-sores ray gave you are wilted, aren't they?" her fingers lifted the fallen petals, letting them fall back on the wooden table. you didn't reply, eyes scanning the expression on her face, the almost resmoseful look that was dusted under her disgust. her mint eyes snapped to yours, pinning you in place. "wouldn't you like new ones? perhaps they'd brighten up the place, you've really dulled the room down."

"what ones will you get me?"

"hmph." she backed away from the dead flowers, brushing the suit jacket down slightly. "you'll just have to see, won't you, princess? it'll be something ray could never dare to give you. look forward to it."

"and what do those ones mean?" she flushed at your sudden closness to her, but kept her voice level enough.

"ah, they mean..." that hesitation was back again, you won't hate her for it, right?

"hey! miss princess, i have your flowers." the voice called out, the knocks on the door loud enough for you to have guessed the perpetrator already. you opened the door, her smile was wide. malicious, almost. dangerously beautiful.

"hello, miss choi."

"yeah yeah, take these. put them in that vase, the old ones can go in the bin for all i care." your hand lightly reached for the flowers, holding them light enough that you won't damage them.

the orange lillies.

for a moment there was stillness. for a moment she looked at you and you couldn't read her expression.

your fingertips brushed against hers, and she pulled back as though yours were red hot.

hatred.

where these flowers for you or her?

whos feelings did she feel they represented? to who?

she picked one lightly, handing it to you with the sweetest smile you'd ever seen. "it means..."

"eternal love."

"throw the other ones away. replace them." her voice was flat, unusually quiet.

"miss choi. I don't hate you."

"i dont care." she snapped. "you should. you should despise me."

"yet, i dont." you move your hand enough to clasp over hers, and she flinches.

"don't look at me like that."

"like what?"

"like that." like you love her, like you care for her, like you do very desperately wish to reach out and press the palm of your hand against her cheek and kiss her sweetly. (you do. but she tells herself you can't possibly)

"eternal love?"

she wants to hate you. she does, to some extent. you're irritating, you're unattractive, your voice, your scent, your smile - it all repulses her. because they're sweet, because they make her heart race. she hates it all because she loves it, she feels that burning anger because you make her soft. because she - no, ray, not her, never her, of course not - finds you lovely and pretty. finds your voice soothing and smile dazzling.

she hates you for it. you must be a monster worse then her, to lure ray in so sweetly like a siren.

"yeah. I'll ... I'll never hate you."

she can't say all that though.

instead she just stares at you, narrows her eyes in a sharp glare and speaks with a slow determination. "i want to hate you so badly."

"ill never hate you either, ray. i promise."

and then she leaves, rushes off before she see your reaction, let alone hear it.

"i promise as well. promise to always care for you."

#🍓... saeran #saeran x reader #ray x reader #msyme x reader #mystic messenger x reader #saeran choi x reader #wlw

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republictrooper · 10 months

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TOMORROW AND TOMORROW AND TOMORROW

Didnt get a chance to watch Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow until tonight for various reasons, so pardon my late review!

Anyway, for the 2nd week in a row we get that most classic of Trekisms - a really flimsy metaphor for something presented in a way that's kind of insulting if you think about for more than a minute, but this time, also wrapped in some absolutely top tier character torture porn (complimentary)!

Like, the metaphors get a bit tiring and insulting, but... it's nice to have a Star Trek that's doing them again in a way we havent seen since DS9 and Voyager.

Anyway, Viewing Notes:

Who kept my sweet sweet spock from playing the music of his soul? WHO ARE THEY I JUST WANT TO TALK

(also damn starfleet couldnt spring for the noise dampening walls?)

Poor M'Benga. You tried ;_;

"You don't have to bear this alone" OH DOESN'T SHE?????????????

Kinda funny (as in sad funny) M'Benga said that too, since I think he STILL hasn't been able to reveal that he was smuggling Rukiya for years, even if Una eventually found out and agreed to keep his secret.

NGL, Exasperated Kirk in the Alleyway kinda had me laughing a bit. To say nothing of the clothing scene. And the Chess Scene. And the Hot Dog scene. As much as I didnt want to like La'an/Kirk, this is a pretty classic screwball romance setup and I am a SUCKER for those. So. Fine. You got me. I kinda sorta ship it.

Oooo, so THAT'S why this Kirk says he's from Space. Oof. There's a kicker.

I gotta say, New Kirk is making a believer out of me. He's not Shatner at all, which I think he doesn't need to be, but even in this "Earth is kinda Xenophobic" AU, he has that kind of quiet confidence and latent nerdiness of classic TOS Kirk. He's got the sassiness (That little one of us has got to change look he gave to Laan and the Heck yeah I'll just hustle people at chess for money thing) combined with the chivalry (Immediately changing so La'an can have her preferred outfit, charming the people he vanquished at chess with a handshake and a smile) that really works for me.

"Get to the Bridge" oh my gosh SNEAKY AS THE DICKENS.

Pelia remains an absolute delight in every appearance. I kinda love how she just... wasnt a great engineer though? Why would she be? She's immortal, but she's also just a person trying to survive, and she has hundreds of years to live! We need more Immortals who are just this guy (gender neutral), to be honest. Why would she have kept up on engineering stuff for a few hundred years? That would probably get boring! Hell, maybe that's why Scotty replaces her, she gets bored of engineering and decides to try something else! It makes perfect since she didnt learn it yet!

Aaaaand now we get the part I'm not sure I like: What if you went back in time to Defend Baby Hitler from the people who came back in time to kill him, because if you didnt, the future would be worse? Also it's implied Baby Hitler is being, if not actively tortured, at least definitely imprisoned against his will and separated from his friends and family.

I mean... Listen, I get Khan is fictional, as are the eugenics wars, but the metaphor is... I dunno man, the comparison is there and it's kind of iffy, and I while I understand how it kind of adds more dimensions to La'an's struggle with her ancestry, the whole "Millions of people have to suffer and die because thats the way the timeline has to be" sticks in my craw. It'd be like if Past Tense made the twist that the DS9 crew had to kill Gabriel Bell instead of impersonating him at the right moments. I just don't think this was the right story to tell.

I think I can kinda deal with it because you know, this is Star Trek. But gosh, this will not replace Past Tense as my favorite Star Trek time travel story any time soon, no matter how charming Alternate Kirk was.

Sera's rant about the timeline is interesting. One one hand, the clever little "Timeline reasserting itself" to explain plot holes like that Time Voyager travelled back to the 90s and there was no sign of Eugenics Wars was kinda fun, but on the other hand, it smacks of the same kind of overexplaining I disliked with having M'Benga introduce Spock to the harp. Sometimes its enough that Spock plays the Harp! Sometimes its enough that when a single universe lasts for half a century and is written by hundreds of people over multiple series and mediums, little continuity errors slip in!

(nitpick time: You're telling me she cant at least talk to Pelia about this? If they "fixed" things and this is her timeline Pelia should remember her, right? Hell, they outright implied La'an's visit was the reason she became an engineer in the first place! Maybe she mentioned the bunker in Vermont specifically so La'an would know to go meet her there whenever the time travel happened, and threw in the "That painting is a Fake" because she remembered talking about it with La'an! TALK TO PELIA, LA'AN!). I suppose the idea might be that Pelia doesn't know exactly why La'an was in the past and cant be allowed to know more, but. Ugh.

Cuz like, listen, I know the dramatic weight requires La'an not to talk to anyone, but like. The Temporal police dont employ any counselors? If they're saving Mass Murderers from assassination on the reg, La'an can't be the first temporal agent to have mental health issues over that, even as a temporary recruit pressganged into service to save her own ancestor. And it's not like Pike could change anything if she told him, that stuff happened IN THE PAST!

BASICALLY LA'AN IS SUFFERING AND SHE DESERVES SOME COMFORT COME ON I EXPECT BETTER FROM STARFLEET EVEN THE DUMBASS SECRETIVE TIME POLICE DIVISION

Like gosh, that lady was ice cold i think even if Alt!Kirk had survived and hopped a ride over on that little device she would have killed him just to preserve the timeline or some shit.

I dunno. Time travel stuff. Ugh.

Anyway, OK Episode, I loved alternate Kirk, loved La'an and Kirk's shenanigans in modern Toronto/Vermont before things got real, kinda shipped La'an/Kirk in spite of myself, and the temporal intrigue was... intriguing, but "Let's Save Baby Hitler" left a sour taste in my mouth. On to the next Ep!

#star trek #strange new worlds #star trek strange new worlds #spoilers #tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow

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outivv · 3 years

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Okie so,,,The Boys see their crush/ s/o walking towards them, and they say," Hey can I have your hand real quick?" The Boys give them their hand, and then their crush/ s/o just proceeds to dip kiss them right there and then. Then they let out a content sigh and thank The Boys for the energy recharge and just happily skips off, leaving the the boys a blushy mess. (send help pls, i am losing braincells and i'm getting o l d)

Synopsis: y/n asks the boys for their hand but pulls them down for a kiss instead like a cheeky bastard

Warnings: none!

Game/ fandom: genshin impact

Characters: zhongli, Diluc, childe, kaeya, and Dainsleif (tall boys gang)

Pronouns for reader: gender neutral/ not mentioned

A/n: hello! Thank you for requesting, and I just ahhh all of your requests are always so cute, and are always amazing ideas! I’ve had a really tough time with words today so there’s probably a lot of spelling, and grammar errors :’) so I apologize for that. Anyway, aside from that, I hope you enjoy, and have an amazing day/afternoon/ evening!

— zhongli —

Zhongli was sitting at his desk on break when you started walking towards him. You worked together and would converse rather often, so this isn’t out of the ordinary.

When you asked for his hand though he complied of course, but didn’t understand what you were trying to do? That was until you pulled him towards him and peck him. It was so sudden that he didn’t get to comprehend it until after you walked off.

Which... you just walked off with a happy smile thanking him. He was lowkey annoyed that you just walked off, but smiled and thought about what just happened. He wasn’t flustered, so you failed there. But your actions did put a smile on his face for the rest of the day.

— childe —

Childe just got out of a meeting with his fellow harbingers, and walking out of the meeting room he saw you waiting for him. This wasn’t that odd, but still a please surprise.

“Ah Y/n, I was just about to go looking for you! I’ve got a mission coming up in liyue, care to join me?” He said with a smile. Often times he’d ask you to go with him on missions. He has the authority to get you out of other missions and take you with him. Might as well use that power.

You agreed, but not before asking for his hand. This was odd to say the least, he didn’t think you’d be so forward. He gave you his hand, and in less than a second you pulled him down to kiss you.

He was stunned, and didn’t have time to react because you pulled away too quickly. You acted as though nothing happened and started talking about the mission he previously told you about. Childe wasn’t going to let you flustering him slide though. So, he kissed you back. Then he walked away.

It’s no surprise that childe is bold, and most of the time does what he wants. With that being said when he was walking away he was all giddy and flustered like a kid. Neither of you won, you both were left flustered.

— Diluc —

Oh my god help this poor man.

you accompanied Diluc in locking up angels share for the night. Sometimes you did if you had nothing else to do. You were one of the few people who’s company diluc throughly enjoyed.

You were walking in peaceful silence until you reached the bridge outside of mondstadt, when you stopped and said, “oh by the way Diluc I just remembered something, can I have your hand?”

Diluc was hesitant at first, he was honestly nervous because he really liked you, and was god awful at hiding it. After a second though he complied and gave you his hand, which may or may not have been a mistake because you pulled him down to quickly kiss him.

Diluc was speechless. He was clearly shocked and flustered, this was a sight you would rarely see, Diluc of all people flustered. You looked at him for a few seconds before making your way back to your house by the winery.

You left Diluc in the dust flustered. He didn’t get much sleep that night, feeling giddy and excited his thoughts kept drifting to you and that kiss.

— kaeya —

Training new knights was no easy task, even for kaeya. He decided to take a break in his office, when you suddenly walked in.

“Aha there you are! I’ve been looking for you, and I need to ask you something.” You said with excitement in your voice. Kaeya was exhausted yes, but he couldn’t deny you of something. Plus he didn’t know what you wanted of him yet, so how could he blindly say no?

He nodded, and then you spoke up and said “great! Ok, give me your hand.” That was... not what he was expecting. He thought it was something like helping you out with something in your office? Not as simple as giving you his hand?

When he gave you his hand, and you pulled him down to kiss you he was quick to react. He wasn’t expecting it sure, but fast reflexes certainly come in handy. He put his hand behind your head, and after a few seconds pulled away. “How did you think you could get away with that exactly?” He said a grin on his face.

Kaeya was a cheeky bastard himself, so he had an odd suspicion of what you were up to. Instead of you leaving him flustered he made you flustered. Kaeya wouldn’t walk away like childe, especially if you retort some teasing line. Then, and only then will he become flustered.

— Dainsleif —

Traveling with Dainsleif for so long had its perks, you really got to know him, and especially got to know how to make him flustered.

When you were both taking a rest and laying in the grass under a tree, you kindly asked for his hand. Dainsleif trusted you, and gladly gave his hand to you. He’s grown quite attached to you, so holding hands wasnt that uncommon, even if you were just traveling companions.

Though when you pulled him towards you and kissed him, any security he had fell. Not in a bad way of course! But he was so shocked and had no clue how to react. He covered his face with his hands, peaking at you ever so slightly out of the corner of his eye. He could see your warm smile, and hear your soft giggles.

It didn’t take a lot to make Dainsleif flustered, especially when you’ve known him for as long as you have.

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nikrangdan · 3 years

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photographer!ni-ki

pairing: photographystudent!ni-ki x gender neutral reader

genre: fluff, comedy

description: every time you went to the park you noticed a mysterious boy who would take pictures of the scenery on his cute little camera. you liked to see what he’d take pictures of from afar but one day you noticed his camera pointing straight at.. you

for ni-ki’s bday!!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY LOVE <33 sorry i posted a day late but i hope u all enjoy!

———

“y/n!”

you groan before getting out of your bed at 10am

it was a saturday why was your mom yelling at u ..

you walked into the kitchen all sluggishly and rubbed your eyes

“you need to start taking suki on walks to the park. you need the exercise too.” your mom doesn’t even spare u a glance before walking out the door to run some errands

right

u forgot u were taking care of ur cousins dog while he was out of town... her name was suki

shes a little shiba inu AND SHES THE CUTEST THING EVER!!!!

WELP

u dont even have a choice anymore

u got somewhat ready before heading out with suki in your arms

shes so soft and fluffy

though u dont like to admit it, u kinda agreed with ur mom about u needing to exercise and get out the house

you’ve been cooped up in your room for days with no social or nature interaction

the park was about a 10 minute drive from ur house

and it was actually a really pretty park...

there was a lake and really pretty flowers everywhere and alot of gazebos and benches

and a nice open field of greenery

it basically looked like a park out of a movie

so you weren’t suprised that there was a decent amount of people there

but not too much thankfully.. or else you would’ve driven to another park with less people

you got out the car with suki and put her on the leash

let the walking begin!!!!

it was a really nice day out... the sun was shining but it wasnt too hot or cold

you led her onto the sidewalk and she began sniffing at the grass around her

whenever a few people would pass they would coo at how adorable she was

it wasnt until 5 minutes later that ur eyes locked onto a figure infront of the lake

you were just walking with suki in silence.. admiring the scenery

until u caught sight of a boy

u could only see his back but u noticed the camera over his shoulder

he was standing in one of those photographer poses where like one leg is bent and kind of out while his back is hunched to get that perfect angle of a shot

he was infront of the sidewalk railings where the lake begins and he was taking photos of the scenery across from it

it was a beautiful sight honestly

there was another sidewalk but behind it was colorful trees and blossoming flowers and bushes

u understood why he’d take pictures of it

you didnt see his face but u kind of acknowledged the boy before walking past him with suki

basically thinking he was just another passerby that you noticed making a single appearance in your life and never expecting to see him again

OH BOY U WERE WRONG

the next time you see him is 3 days later at the same park

you were walking suki again but this time at 7pm after dinner

the sun was almost done setting so the sky was getting darker but there was still a hint of the orange circle peeking from below

this time you walked further down the sidewalk path towards the scattered gazebos

and you noticed the same boy again

this time he was sat in one of the gazebos with his tiny camera in his hands

his back was hunched over again and he was looking closely at the pictures he had taken

‘oh its him again’ u thought

and that was it

LOL

u just acknowledged him in ur head AGAIN before u thought nothing of it and continued ur walk with suki

so the NEXT time u saw him was another 2 days later at 7pm again

you wanted to take suki on a quick walk

but you got tired after like 10 minutes so you sat down on a blanket u brought

suki was just laying next to u while u were on ur phone

it wasnt fully dark out yet and there was still a few people in the park

the fairy lights that were placed around were lit up already

it was super pretty and the weather was nice

after staring at ur phone for a few mins u looked up just to look around

and u saw Him again

wow

why do u keep seeing him !?!?!

his back was faced towards u like always

and he was like 40 feet away from u so he looked so tiny

but u could tell it was him because of his blond hair and black coat he always wore

you kind of zoned out and unfortunately ur eyes were trained on his back without u even noticing

and he

turned

around

for the first time EVER!!!!

its like he sensed someone staring at him

but yes he turned around with his camera in his hand

the first thing u noticed was that he got a new camera

it was a larger black one

definitely more expensive

Awe good for him!!!!!

and then u glanced up to see his face

and u made EYE CONTACT

u looked away so fast

because

He was SO CUTE.............

u awkwardly started looking to your left and tried turning ur face away from him

‘oh look at those beautiful um... birds.. yeah’

hopefully he didnt notice

*nervously sweats*

u didnt dare look back in that direction so u spent the rest of your evening in the park on ur phone or playing with suki

eventually it reached 8pm so u packed up ur stuff and went home

U were still kind of thinking about that boy....

so u were like

i need to go back

and u did Lol

u went back the next day at 6pm this time with suki

it was lighter out and the sky was beautiful

perfect for a certain boy to be taking photos

*evil laugh*

u were walking for like 15 minutes and u didnt see him anywhere :((((

the one time u go there for HIM

u settled down under a tree

suki immediately went on the blanket when u sat down too

you played tug of war with her and fed her some treats while playing

playing with her for 10 minutes straight definitely tired u out so u laid down and just stared at the sky

it was a faded blue turning into orange and pink

U were kinda bored so u sat up and started petting suki

you would occasionally glance up at the strangers walking past u

and

let me tell u what Happened..

u looked up at another lady walking her dog and went like

‘aweee that dog is so cute’ in ur head

and u took ur eyes off the dog and glanced to ur right

idk bc u felt like it

AND GUESS WHAT U SEE???!??????

THE BOY

LIKE 20 FEET AWAY

STANDING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FIELD

AND HE HAD HIS CAMERA UP TO HIS FACE

and it WAS POINTED AT U ??!?!

as soon as u looked in his direction he jumped and put his hands down

he like

Blushed????? and awkwardly smiled u know rubbing the neck and all that

he was embarrassed

ur cheeks were turning so red

BUT HE WAS SO ADORABLE

was kind of weird.... stalkerish but um

he cleared that up BECAUSE

He started walking over to u

he was wearing black jeans that were ripped on the knees with black high top converse

and a gray sweater with a black coat over it

HE JUST LOOKED CUTE OK

ur were like OMg []£{€]%[#{%€]£{

n he just Plop

he stood right infront of u basically towering bc u were sitting under the tree

suki noticed the boy and tilted her head like hmmmm???

u had the SMALLEST smile on ur face bc u wanted to seem friendly but not TOO friendly

he had his camera strap over his arm while he held it and his other hand was rubbing the name of his neck

“uh... sorry about that.. i didn’t mean to seem weird or anything!” he waved his hands infront of him to deny it

u just sat there while he talked like ❤️_❤️

“im uh taking photos for my class and i thought u looked nice so i took some pictures.. im really sorry i should’ve asked first now i seem weird or something im really-,”

u cut him off so he didnt ramble any longer

“no its okay! i get it” you gave him a warm smile and pet suki while she drifted to your side and kept her eyes on him

u both just stared at eachother for a few seconds before you spoke

“um.. would you like to sit?” you scooted over and made room for him in the blanket

WOW U WERE FEELING BOLD TODAY...

“uh sure” he set his camera down and sat beside u

“this is suki.. shes my cousins dog” u said when she climbed into his lap and started sniffing him

he grinned and pet her before looking up at you

“im ni-ki by the way” his cheeks turned a bit pink which u thought was cute

“y/n” you smiled

“suki seems to like you” u laughed

“so how long have you been working on this project or whatever?”

“oh um i started last week... i just have to make a portfolio of photos i take and turn it in” he said while keeping his eyes trained on suki

u noticed he didnt make eye contact with u often but u knew it was probably because he was nervous because u do that too

“can i see the pictures...?” u hesitantly ask him

his eyes light up when u say that

“yeah!”

AWE HES SO EXCITED

he picks up his camera next to him and clicks a few buttons

“oh by the way... ive noticed u at the park before! you’re always with the camera” you laugh

“ah yeah, this park is where most of my project photos are taken.”

he leans over and shows you the pictures on the device

“woah” you let out a gasp

he showed u the picture he took of you first

How does a picture look better than real life...

you’ve never really been into photography but now that you’ve seen his work u might just have to start getting into it

“this isnt even done yet, i still have to edit it so it’ll look even more perfect” he shyly says

“this is amazing what the heck” your jaw is Dropped

“thanks”

“i need to see the final result” u said because it was such a nice picture

“um.. if you give me your number i can show you it” he sent you a cheeky grin

SMOOTH.....

he was so AGGGHGGHG ur kind of obsessed

you two exchange numbers and talk about random things for a whole hour until he says he has to go

“it was really nice meeting you.. i had fun” he tells you as he starts standing up

suki is sleeping so he tries not to wake her up

“i had fun too” you smile

“would you like me to walk you to your car?”

A GENTLEMAN !!?!?!?!

“oh yeah, thanks”

you two spend another 2 minutes together as you walk side by side with suki in your arms and he held your blanket and bag for you

you reached your car and thanked him

“ill see you soon, dont forget to text me! and good luck on the project, i know you’ll do great”

“thank you..”

ni-ki’s cheeks turn pink once more before he turns around and starts walking away with a smile on his face

he is just the cutest thing ever

you definitely need to see him again

194 notes · View notes

1990jeevas · 3 years

Note

Plesse tell me about queerness in the get down!!

okay okay queerness in the get down let's fuckn goooo

disclaimer: I havent watched this show in full for like 5 months at least, probably gonna get something wrong and/or forget some more important bits. also this wasnt proof read I just word vomited

tws: period typical homophobia, abuse mention, f slur use, bury your gays trope, overdose mention, mention of a creepy possible age gap (the age gap hasnt been confirmed so that's why its possible), cops

going from least to most prominent queer characters, let's start with mylene cruz!

so, from the beginning of this show she has an established romantic relationship with ezekiel (although the status of their actual relationship changes frequently throughout the show) and though this was a relationship she was hesitant to pursue, it is clear that she does have romantic feelings for him and if not for them both having growing careers in very different music genres (zeke specifically working in a genre that she repeatedly labels as bad because she thinks they're ruining records + that it isnt real music because they're using someone elses piece and rapping over it, that's not really important here tho lol) they probably wouldve had a much healthier, smooth sailing romance. that being said theres a few things that happen in the show that, while not explicitly clear, or even really good coding at that—to the point where you wont catch if you really arent looking for it (and trust me, I always look for coding, hers was just so little that it flew over my head until I saw someone else mention it)—are still cool to think about!

so, for starters, I wanna mention the toy box performance, which was performed by mylene and regina, who are best friends. that's all cool and shit, and you dont really think much about it...until you hear about the fact that the show runners purposely colored a lot of the scenes in that performance with the bi colors. like. the writers after the show ended basically said "oh yeah there was plans to make her coding more explicit, but our shit got cancelled soooo" and then dropped the fact that she was gonna be bi (or at least implies bi) in the series, which puts a new twist on a few things.

now, besides the bi coloring in the background of the toy box performance (which was mostly on scenes with her and regina, which involved a lot of uh,, lowkey lewd dancing. with each other. in very revealing outfits. wooooo), there's her music! I dont tend to read too much into this one bc, like I said before, her coding is fucking light and the writers themselves said they didnt really get to do much with it, but I think some stuff with her music is interesting. specifically how her, yolanda and regina's song set me free blew up because dizzee, resident (lowkey enby coded) bicon, got their song played in a queer club. also that the song was majorly important to dizzee and started playing literally right as he kissed a boy for the first time and realized "oh shit I like boys that's bonkers". also that the song can be taken in a gay way since literally the entire thing is about becoming your true self, fully and unapologetically, which is what both dizzee and mylene's entire character arcs are about. dizzee (and a lot of other queer people, apparently), heard this song about being set free and it resonated with them so much that they got that shit most of its popularity.

speaking of dizzee and mylene, they parallel each other a lot in the way that their arcs are about them realizing who they are, coming into themselves and no longer just letting people treat them like shit in a sense (dizzee starting to tell people essentially that they can call him weird all they want, they can make fun of how he acts, what he likes, how he dresses, etc. but he likes how he is and quite literally saying "it's okay to be an alien" as he has consistently compared himself to one throughout the show vs mylene learning that if she wants to be a disco singer she needs to put her foot down, not let anyone, not even the love of her life, not even her abusive father, stop her from achieving her dreams, etc. and continuing to pursue her career with or without their support). one more little parallel that I think is interesting is during I think s2 towards the end of the show is when dizzee and thor are shown together having fun with each other, painting all over the building and each other and are basically just being happy and in love together and then they have these clips of them being interspersed with clips of mylene at a party where she is starting to realize that if she wants to get anywhere she needs to be her own main priority and that she needs to put her career and her dream, which is what makes her the happiest, above all else if she wants to succeed. idk I just think how the show made these two into a weird parallel, accidental or not, is neat. maybe not an explicitly queer parallel, but I think at least how her music and whatnot helped dizzee, the main queer character in this show, blossom, is important.

moving on we got shaolin fantastic also known as "oh no your internalized homophobia is showing-"

so, heres a quick list of...interesting shao facts:

Consistently referred to as fag/faggot (shaolin fanfaggot is my personal favorite); he gets really defensive about this despite nobody actually thinking he's queer, it's just people being assholes to be assholes, and he is the only character consistently referred to using a slur, especially a homophobic one, especially for a "straight" character. dizzee, a canonically queer character, is called a fag less than shaolin is even though dizzee actively goes to gay clubs, has a not so secret dude he "hangs out with" and wont let anyone properly meet, paints his nails, wears less than straight clothes even by the 70s standards and is just all around the definition of fucking queer (and I mean like in the weird way, not the gay way). in fact theres only like once I can remember him being called a fag and it had nothing to do with him actually being gay it was literally just like thrown out there the same way you would call someone a bitch.

Has only shown sexual interest in women, yet refuses to have deeper relationships with women in general (possibly because of trauma but who knows) but takes his relationships with his "brothers", specifically zeke, very seriously

Tells zeke and zeke ONLY his real name when zeke was planning to stop being his friend bc shao more or less got boo boo, a like 14 year old black kid, arrested for selling hard drugs; he was clearly scared and trying to do anything to keep zeke around, literally chasing him down the street and hounding him until he got zeke to stop and argue with him

Kept threatening to beat up zeke in the end but couldn't actually bring himself to do so, instead saying that zeke is "fucking lucky" before walking away

Let's zeke get away with things that nobody else can, in general just has a weird soft spot for ezekiel that he shows with nobody else

when shao found dizzee with thor in a vaguely compromising situation (like they were just shirtless covered in paint sleeping next to each other but shao had also seen everything they painted on the walls ((which some of it was sus)), it was clear they had painted on each others bodies and dizzee had been routinely disappearing with this guy for weeks now yet not producing nearly as much art, at least, as far as we audience members know) he didnt judge him but instead, waited for him to get cleaned up and then told him something along the lines of "theres a reason why im so secretive blah blah blah [not everyone needs to know everything about me]", which, in context, kinda implies that he might be a lil. a lil homiesexual. jus a lil.

whenever even the possibility of zeke leaving him comes up he absolutely loses it. he has literally cost ezekiel life changing opportunities because he thought zeke would just up and leave him for them. this could be abandonment issues bc he's a severely traumatized character, and that probably does contribute to it, but it also is just not a reaction he has to any of their other friends just randomly dipping in and out of his life soooooo

generally speaking, this mfer has got either bisexual with a big hard on for zeke coding or homosexual with terrible internalized homophobia and still a hard on for zeke coding. either fucking way, that nigga gay. he gay as hell. gay as fuck man. there wasn't really much to analyze here tbh bc the coding is just so fucking obvious if you look for it or you are/have been a gay person who's dealt with at least a little bit of internalized homophobia.

also, just a sidenote, idk how fucking old shao, but I'm praying hes like at max 19 bc I'm pretty sure zeke is a minor in this show and shao definetly is not so the whole him being heavily implied to have a crush on ezekiel thing is kinda. oof. not oof if zeke is like 17 but any younger than that? OOF.

edit: apparently the characters are only supposed to be a year apart in age but i had no clue about that before writing this post and since shaos age was never actually stated in the show i naturally assumed he was an adult since his actor Looks Like An Adult. this is definetly on me to a certain extent, but i also never saw anything about this when trying to find our their ages so 🤷‍♀️ maybe i just didnt look deep enough, sorry!

now moving on to the main event...marcus dizzee kipling :]

so, first things first, let's talk enby coding bc him being bisexual was already confirmed!

um, to start off, I just wanna say I dont think this enby coding was intentional or even really coding, it's just moreso me being a dizzee kin on main and knowing as a transmasc enby he has very transmasc enby vibes. for example:

cool, gender neutral nickname that everyone calls him

paints nails various different colors

the whole wardrobe is just a transmasc enby heaven...fishnet shirts, jean overalls, jackets and cuffed pants galore, the big colorful pins, etc

gender neutral hairstyle (when I had my fro it was very sexy and made it easy to transition between hyper masc and vaguely fem, which is pog)

comparing himself to/representing himself consistently with an alien character (though this is meant to represent his sexuality, it could also double as a gender thing too, not neccesarily bc of the whole nonbinary alien trope but bc an enby who likes aliens might heavily identify or compare themselves to whatever their idea of an alien is, whether that just be a genderless entity or a motherfucker with fly style and no need to be perceived as anything other Wacky As Hell)

moving on from there, let's talk about how his queerness is presented to us and how, while it may be a really good piece of representation, especially coming from netflix, it still lacks in A Lot of places.

so, let's start with good things!

i personally really like the get down's queer rep with dizzee bc it's (for the most part) nonsexualized and very very soft, about dizzee figuring himself out and realizing there is a place where he fits in, and about two teenagers in the 70s falling in love over their shared passion for street art. it also features an interracial couple where both boys challenge stereotypes both about queer men and men of color, which is epic poggers and very sexy. this piece of rep specifically is very important to me bc I am a queer black person and even tho interracial relationships are mostly normalized now, I've still had people give me shit for primarily dating white people in a town that is...primarily white lol

mm anyways, I can also appreciate how in the get down, dizzee being represented by rumi the alien is not a thing specifically related to gender (as it often is) and instead is about his sexuality and just in general weirdness and how it has led to him being alienated amongst his peers, poc or otherwise. him seeing himself as an alien is not about just his queerness, which is important, it is about him being a queer black man who talks different, acts different, dresses different and is "soft"—he isnt a walking black male stereotype and he wouldnt have been seen as masculine back in the 70s by any stretch of the imagination. this can be relatable to a wide spectrum of queer poc, from queer black men currently who still have to deal with this shit or to people like myself who are afab neurodivergent mixed race enbies that have always been signaled out as weird and alienated for it. dizzee is god rep bc while he has a small part in this show, his parts are very impactful, hard hitting and show queer poc of all ages that they arent alone and that it's okay to "weird", you just need to embrace it because somebody will love you for you, as thor did for dizzee.

that being said theres um. some minor problemas here,,,

namely:

dizzee and thors first kiss

the lack of development this pairing got

the way dizzee was confirmed bisexual off screen, he never said the words himself, just showed interest in both genders

the way dizzee and thor were never even confirmed boyfriends or just fwb so most of the fandom just calls them boyfriends bc Why Not

dizzee was implied fucking DEAD??? AT THE END OF THE SERIES?????? AND THOR WAS IMPLIED ARRESTED?????????????

now, these might have been things that wouldve been fine had the show been given it's full run but it wasnt which is why we are now left with probelms.

so, from the top, let's go over these: dizzee and thor's first (and only "on screen") kiss was one that was shown in a montage of other queer people making over and doing other vaguely romantic/sexual things, one of those things being a whole ass naked titty being mouthed at, but the actual kiss...was just not shown? like they really did just say "yes they kissed <3 you know this from the context clues of it being in a montage with kissing, hickey giving and titty sucking <3 but no we will not show it <3" LIKE HELLO? I SAW A NAKED BOOBIE BUT NOT TWO MEN KISS??? HUH????????

also, dizzee and thor were both fucking high as hell during this bit like this isnt a terrible thing but it's also like sometimes you do shit when you're high that you wouldnt do sober and they just never kissed again on screen so like?? like idk that's not that bad but it does kinda irk me since they deadass got no other on screen intimacy after that unless you including painting on eacher other or sleeping next to each other on a shitty mattress but not touching at all during it bc they were both at opposite ends of the mattress like half way off it

so yeah, that was trash. then we got lack of development, which kinda goes with the "dizzee being a bisexual but he never says it in canon" thing cause like...okay dizzee was already sort of a side character from the get go like he wasnt the mc by any means, but he became way more of a background character as things continued until we basically only saw him for performances or when he was with thor, yet they got no fucking development as a pairing other than "dizzee realize he gay, he like thor, he and thor spend time together and ig probably do some gay stuff but we dont really know bc we only ever see them do graffiti together now" like?? tf am I supposed to do with that shit. answer. quickly. and then theres dizzee not being confirmed bisexual, which is just a running problem with shows literally doing everything to say a character is bi except for having the character just...say they're bi? which would be so easy? like a good way dizzee and thor couldve had some development is by thor teaching dizzee things about the queer community that he didnt even know existed, thor couldve helped him understand what being bi meant and helped him label himself and whatnot but instead we got an off screen confirmation that the writers had bisexual in mind when writing him. which is garbagé.

the whole thor and dizzee never having a confirmed relationship status is also a development problem cause like literally nobody knows if they were just friends who made out, maybe fucked, who knows, or if they were dating bc dizzee does give a love confession but a love confession doesn't mean there is a relationship, especially since thor didn't say he was in love either (as far as I remember, I could be wrong, plus whether or not that really happened or was apart of dizzee literally overdosing during a performance is unclear so 🤪)

and now for the biggest issue...bury your gays trope.

during the season 2 finale, dizzee and thor are chased by cops after they are found doing graffiti, one of the cops is able to catch thor while the other chases dizzee into a train tunnel and there is a train seen headed straight for him before the show cuts to black on a train horn. the show writers claim that if they had gotten another season, dizzee wouldve been alive but since they didnt and since that's essentially super fan trivia knowledge, most people dont fucking know that and instead had to watch a black queer teenager chose death over being fucking arrested by a white cop. on top of that, thor didnt see any of that shit because he was caught and the cop started hauling him off while dizzee was still being chased so thor literally has no clue where his friend/possible boyfriend fucking is or that he's likely dead in a goddamn tunnel all alone, unless you count the fucking pig that chased him in there who wouldve died too. this shows rep was so fucking good as far as most shows go on not having major fucking problems, on not being toxic and over sexualized, etc, etc. and then they just. killed a black queer teenager for no fucking reason. like it was literally the last episode ever, it would add nothing to the plot, it would just devastate fans and devastate it fucking did. I dont cry easy but seeing a character I identified with, who I had hyperfixated on, die because he'd rather that than be arrested is terrible. it fucking sucked.

so yeah. that's my all too extensive thoughts/analysis on the get down's queerness. theres definitely stuff I missed, or misinterpreted, or looked too much into, etc, etc., but this was a fun thing to spend time writing sooo yeah!! thanks for the ask anon, sorry this was just a big rambley info dump, but hopefully you get some enjoyment out of it since it took like 3 hours at least 😭😭 feel free to ask clarifying questions lol

#shit self #asks #the get down #mylene cruz #shaolin fantastic #dizzee kipling #long post #analysis #info dump #idk if anon has seen tgd or is just being nice so i tried givinh background to things #kinz #bangerz #discourse

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simpfortheseven · 3 years

Note

Hey I hope you're doing well please take care of your health and also feel free to not do this request if it feels like too much but if you don't mind can you please do a hc for the om brothers when mc is sleep deprived and needs the bros to cuddle her to fall asleep? Thank you so much!❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Obey Me: MC who is sleep deprived, so the bros cuddling them to get them to sleep/MC asks for a nap and cuddles

Yall know what time it is. Its time for me to finally answer at least one of my Asks that have been sitting here for a long long time. Im sorry for thw wait^^ I finally got into therapy, So im feeling a lot better💖 Im also sorry this took so long, my school recently went online due to ✨rona✨ so I forgot to answer this. Anyways! I wrote about a gender neutral MC for this and there are no triggers except lots of cuddling and soft touches.

Did this for the lovely @luminouslydark ^^

Lucifer

After getting done with his work at around 1am (early for him but ya know), He went by your room to make sure you didnt go to the attic check on you

He found you tossing and turning, which surprised him a little. Hadnt he sent you to bed a few hours ago?

You heard him open the door, and looked at him softly. "MC, youre supposed to be asleep."

"I cant sleep," You said softly. "I.. Can you hug me? Just until I can fall asleep?"

The dark haired demon was surprised. You were asking him for cuddles? He wasnt normally asked for that.

He didnt complain, however. He went over to you, wrapping his arms around you. His hands found their place around your waist, gently holding you against his chest. You could hear his heart beating, soft and rhythmic. His warm embrace and the soft beating of his heart eventually lulled you to sleep.

Mammon

This man, oh boy.

We all know he bursts into your room whenever he wants. Well one night, he decides its a great idea to run into your room at 1am to talk about how great it would be to make money off of 'those dumb videos humans are always watchin'!'

When he runs in, it scares the hell out of you (hA get it). You jump up, which makes Mammon jump to.

"Hey, Human! Youre supposta be asleep!"

"Thats hard to do when crazy people like you always run in!"

"Jeez, ok ok. im sorry,"

"It will take more than an apology to make it up to me." You open your arms, looking up at him tiredly.

Lets just say that he went r e d. This man, hes just a blushing awkward mess. "Uh- Well, I mean, of course you wanna cuddle with The Great Mammon!"

He sat next to you wrapping his arms around you all flustered. His heart was rapid, which made you smile. You let your eyes close. The avatar of greed however stayed awake, not caring how tired he was. He wanst going to miss a moment of holding you.

Levi

The purple haired Avatar of Envy tended to play video games late into the night. Of course, he found a new game on Shteam (i dont know what its called there), which means he had to download it on his phone and to run to your room to tell you about it (You got the yucky otaku to leave his room, Congrats!)

He burst in the door, "MC!! WAKE UP!!" You were already awake, so you sat up. Hw was a little surprised you were awake. "GUESS WHAT??"

"What is it, Levi?" You asked curiously.

"A NEW GAME CAME OUT, ITS GOT -bla bla game stuff-!!!"

"Oh that's awesome, Levi!" You smiled at him sleepily.

"Right!" He smiled happily. "I want to play it with you, can i?"

"Hm.. I'm really tired, Levi. But you can cuddle me and play at the same time if you want?" You knew you wouldn't be able to get him to cuddle if you said it was because you couldn't sleep.

He awkwardly sat on your bed, your head finding a place on his chest as he "played his game". In reality, he was just internally screaming.

Satan

Getting the avatar of wrath to cuddle you to sleep was easy enough. You knew he would most likely be up late reading, so as you carefully climbed over his mountains of books to reach his bed, you sat on his bed.

This shook the blonde demon enough to make him look up from his book.

"MC? What are you doing?"

"Satan, i'm super tired and can't sleep.. Could you cuddle me?" You asked quietly.

"Ah," He nodded, scooting over a little and patting the space next to him. "You need to sleep, MC. Its imporant to your health."

You laid with him, letting him wrap his arms around you. He kept reading ad you slept, his soft heartbeat helping you drift off to sleep.

Asmo

Spa day had alwags been a great way to relax for the two of you, spending time with you always helped Asmodeous relax. But maybe you started relaxing to hard.. You started to fall asleep while doing face masks.

"MC!" the strawberry blonde shook your shoulder. You bolted awake. "No wonder you looked so dreadful! You havent been sleeping, have you?"

"I havent been sleeping well, no," You said quietly.

"Then this calls for some beauty rest!" He scrubbed off the face masks before making you lay down in his huge bed. He of course laid down with you, cuddling you and playing soft binaural beats to help lull you into a deep rest.

Beel and Belphie

The oranged haired demon had (once again) snuck to the kitchen. You had wandered down there looking for him, part of your tasks with lucifer and you could always count on Beel to sneak you a piece of whatever you ate. Soon enough, you saw him eating out of the fridge.

"Beel?" You went over. He didnt turn, just handed you a slice of pizza. "Cmon, you know Lucifer will kill us both if you eat all of it."

"I know," He said, turning to face you. "Im just so hungry.."

Before you could speak, a voice chimed in from the doorframe. "You guys are to loud," Belphie was there, cow pillow in hand.

"Oh sorry," Beel said. "MC, lets go eat in my room." you nodded, Beel leading you towards his room. It was only after you were already laying down did you see Belphie had followed. You tilted your head, but Belphie just plopped down ontop of you. Beel put his arm around the two of you, eating his pizza quietly.

After you finished your slice, you could hear Belphie soft snoring.

"You should sleep. You look tired. And dont worry, I'll get Belphie up in the morning." Beel said, nodding at you. Being sandwiched between them, you didnt have much of a choice. You slowly drifted off, Belphies snoring lulling you to sleep.

-----

sorry this took so long and they kinda suck ;-;

#obey me #obey me brothers #obey me fanfic #obey me headcanons #obey me twins

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neoraso · 4 years

Text

royal guard!minho

requested | some gender neutral hc for how he starts to wish he was maybe more than just a guard to you

to put things lightly, minho was the ace of your entire guard

like he was better than anyone …at everything

so originally he was on (your father) the king’s immediate guard

he was nothing but professional and saved the king too many times to count even from like stepping on rocks idk

when you turned like 17 and had to do more public appearances obv u were in a lot more danger so ur father jumped at having minho reassigned to u as the head of your personal guard “nothing but the best for his child”

the first time you met him… he only nodded or said yes or no to everything u asked him n ur jus like ok not much of a talker that’s not so bad ig haha ʕʘ‿ʘʔ

he was so quiet and “polite” for months despite you constantly trying to get something out of him

ur other guards always tried not to laugh bc if only u knew he had like two friends and was generally a pretty serious guy

but one day there was a festival in your kingdom’s central city so obv you had to make an appearance which u were very excited abt bc you only get to go into town like twice a year and THIS was one of those times

being “of age” and that much closer to taking the throne you might as well have painted a big red target on your head to signal people against the throne

everything was going fine, everyone was having fun and you decided to visit some of the booths and musicians around the square

minho was already suspicious of the situation and tightens the rest of your guard without u evenn rlly noticing but like

just as you turned to show these cute little candies to minho to maybe get a reaction for once -

the second he looks at you, someone moves to grab you but the flash of a knife in his other hand causes minho to jump immediately into action

honestly who knows what rlly happened minho moved so damn fast but the next thing you know, ur in the middle of your whole guard squad

looking through the gaps of their shoulders you see minho pinning down your assailant with a blade against his neck waiting for someone to arrest him even though he rlly wanted to just execute the guy right there

the festivities were kind of killed for u after that bc you and your family were rushed back home which u might’ve been more sad abt if u werent in so much shock :<

obv minho was the one to escort you back but like all he said was “you’re okay?” and after u dumbly nodded with wide eyes he walked with you but kept a hand around your shoulder

no one really talked after that which wasn’t unusual for him but in his mind he was rlly like

“?? ok i know its literally my job to protect this family but?? hm whyyyy do i seem to care sm more rnnn??//?” help him sdhskjd

u just looked so shaken up and disappointed and suddenly he was like damn </3 they rlly have no fun in their life and this one time they could was ruined :///

u had to stay inside for weeks after that bc it turns out there was a whole conspiracy to “eliminate” your family line so you waited in safety until the criminals were “taken care of”

minho had everything triple checked around the castle for your safety and secretly made sure you had extra treats and warm drinks sent to your room sometimes with little notes that he had the cook pretend to have sent because lately he’d heard you had trouble sleeping sometimes he’s shy boy aw

he started to realize how much he had gotten used to your smile and your little jokes and the way you sometimes tripped on the corners of rugs. and he thought maybe it was a good thing you guys didnt have many interactions lately because he was way too attached

you on the other hand, couldnt even rlly complain about having to stay inside so much bc you had everything you needed and- you knew it was for ur safety but- it wassss kind of suffocating at times

u tried sneaking out at first ((just to the garden!!)) which obviously was a bad idea bc it’s impossible to get past minhos fcking hawk eyes lmao

he STILL didnt say anything like he would just follow right behind you

n like u kinda huffed but whatever honestly at least it was just him and not 15 other guards like everyone acted like you needed

plus it was somewhat comforting to have someone so solid around even if he never talked smh

one night you sat near the little pond and tried to calm your mind by watching how the moonlight rippled in the water

you can feel him behind you so u just turn around and look at him ignoring how he was already looking at you

“would you at least sit with me?”

he kind of hesitates bc …what if someone tried to come up behind you? but with the sad look on your face he cant help but give in and sits on the stone bench at the opposite end of you

it becomes actually somewhat peaceful until you just decide to ask everything you’ve been wondering n u just blurt out-

“would it kill you to talk with me once in a while? i mean, talk like a normal person and not a machine? i dont bite i promise..”

he furrows his brow bc he’s shocked you cared at all and also he doesnt rlly know how to respond without being like “its not really in my job description to make conversation” but he honestly just thought you were being talkative out of niceties.

before he could even form a sentence you continued,

“i mean- i’m always trying to get your attention. i dont get to meet many people for obvious reasons but my guards are the closest people to me-literally, and i dont want there to be a big gap between us just because of my status..”

he cuts you off before you ramble yourself to death

“i didn’t know you were this troubled by it… i just take my job very seriously and i dont want to risk anyone’s safety for the sake of conversation”

u almost roll ur eyes but not wanting to be rude ur just like “even at home? i know you’re serious about your duties, believe me, i just… i get lonely.”

smthing inside him literally breakkkssss when you say that like u are such a pure and sweet person that deserves to have all the love and friends and fun in the world so he just gets quiet for a second and looks down

“im sorry.” he said it so softly you almost didnt hear him “i’ll be there for you more- if thats what you need. im essentially in charge of your safety and care and i’ll do anything to fulfill that responsibility.”

ok.

well this was good right? so why did you still feel unsatisfied?

“i dont want to just be a responsibility, cant we just be like friends? or…”

you cut yourself off before talking too much again

you had to admit to yourself you had developed a bit of a liking for minho, not just because he was probably the most handsome person in your kingdom, not even just because he saved your life, but he had really been a pillar of security in your life and you respected his loyalty and ambition.

he was more than admirable and everything you wanted as a standard for your kingdom

sometimes you let your mind wander to him getting on one knee and leading alongside you..

no, now youre getting sidetracked and delusional and he can practically hear the gears turning in your head so he stands up and reaches his hand out for you to grab

“of course you’re more than a responsibility to me, come on, lets go inside it’s getting cold.’

taking his hand and realizing the conversation was over, you moved to link arms instead as he walked you all the way to your bedroom door

u slept a lot better that night

from that point on you could not get rid of minho

like everyone was borderline uncomfortable with how jarring his change in attitude was

like he was constantly behind you looking right over your shoulder or grabbing your arm to stop you from bumping into things

even when he wasnt technically on duty he had taken it upon himself to give you little lessons in archery and even some defensive moves to help you protect yourself in case someone wasnt fast enough to help you

your tried not to get flustered every time he adjusted your form and the way you could feel his breath behind your ear

or the head pats when he walked you to your room at night

or his hand on your back when you guys would take walks in the garden

honestly it did not take long until one night you were sat next to your pond and after some comfortable small talk you noticed how close his face was to yours

but he noticed you didn’t pull away even as he leaned in closer and finally just kissed you

when he pulled away and saw your eyes still closed and how soft you looked his heart almost exploded

“i didnt mean to make things weird i just,, couldnt help myself, sorry”

his rushed confession pulls you out of your daze and you’re so happy (a little shocked) but you’re quick to reassure him

“it’s ok, i’ve been wanting you to do that for a while …”

he’s jus like “rlly?😳”

obviously this complicates things a lot and you aren’t really sure if you would even be allowed to have a relationship with minho bc of ur position

or if he would get in trouble for breaking the rules of attachment to u

all of this is kind of racing thru both of ur minds as you look at each other but you laugh after u both start talking at the same time

you prod him to go first so he grabs your hands and says like

“look i care about you a lot, and i know we’re not really supposed to be doing this but if i can be by your side … beyond my duties…i would really love to. but if we can’t, i can survive with just being here to protect and serve you in anyway i can”

he’s so honest and genuine and earnest it shocked u a little

even tho you were uncertain abt the situation as well you knew you had grown a little too fond and dependent on minho that you would do anything to make it work

luckily an arranged marriage was not required for you so that wasnt really the issue, but falling in love with someone not at all royal..? it was a daunting thought how the idea would be perceived

you wouldnt have said anything if you both weren’t completely sure of your feelings; but you really could not imagine being content or safe spending your life with anyone else so you mustered up the courage to ask the king and queen…

when you brought it up to your parents they looked pretty concerned

minho went on the whole “i’ll do anything to protect them and this kingdom” speech and your father just waved him off and was like

“i know u would …. i’ll allow it because there’s really no one better to represent the kingdom and because i want only the best for my child ;)”

u and minho were literally in shock but just quietly said thank u and left the room

when you had privacy he immediately pulled you in for a kiss (maybe several all over ur face)

you had a lot to figure out and many responsibilities but now you had an amazing person by your side to help you through it :.) <3

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asingularbee · 3 years

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thank you for the tag bestie !! @limbogoth

why did you choose your url? very odd reasoning for what is otherwise a normal url, but idk bees strike me as gender neutral in their vibes? ik theyre painfully gendered irl to survive, dont worry lol. and then the singular is a weird mashup of like me studying latin at the time i came up with it, and me living my life like that brain in A Wrinkle In Time??? yh i deeped it idk why

any sideblogs? yes, three currently working ones!! my jatp one is @oldsmobile-hotdogs , my kpop one is @fallincarat and my måneskin one is @searching-for-redemption . im also trying to get a six idiots one ( @they-smells-burnins ) off the ground but ill be honest im not sure how?

how long have you been on tumblr? last i checked, i joined sometime in 2015, probably shortly after seventeen debuted if my memories of what i used to post are anything to go by, and then i dipped after nipplegate (for numerous reasons, some nipple-related, some not) and then got back on here during lockdown 1? i wanna say? like april 2020? maybe?

do you have a queue tag? no lol, much to the chagrin of my moots sometimes

why did you start your blog? genuinely think it was for kpopblr. huh.

why did you choose your header? cuz my old one was jelly babies even though i cant remember enjoying a jelly baby so i thought it was about time i replaced it with a candy i actually liked

why did you choose your icon? its a picrew of me, and of all the ones ive tried it supplies like 11 more gallons gender euphoria than any others

what's your post with the most notes? powerpuff girls cw reboot bingo board 😔😔 (its clear as day on my top posts if you wanna see it)

how many followers do you have? 127 on this blog (why youre all here is beyond me but-)

how many people do you follow? hoo boy 336 different blogs (tbf quite a few of them are inactive and ive kept them for sentimental value)

have you ever made a shitpost? yeah but they vary in shitposty-ness iygm

how often do you use tumblr? too often 😃 its reached fridge status

did you have a fight/argument with a blog once? are we counting that spammy ghosts anon? if so yeah, tho there wasnt much [any] back and forth

how do you feel about "you need to reblog this" posts? they dont know my life, i remember when they used to circulate on instagram lgbtq+ help pages adminned by 12 teenagers (of which i was one, shout out pandragons 🤪) also sometimes theyre out of date or just plain wrong? anyway thats more to do with news values than tumblr. rest assured any reblog bait found on my blog is abt like cats being cute

do you like tag games? very much so! sometimes i dont feel up to them, but when i do i like getting on my little soapbox and sharing predetermined fun facts abt myself

which one of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous? uhhh i cant narrow it down to one, off the top of my head @willexxmercer @owenmercers @flynns-eyeliner-my-beloved @plangentia @the-astro-ambassadors

do you have a crush on a mutual? no

no pressure tags: everyone already tagged and then also @lyxchen @k-padfoot39 @hvliophilia @anna-of-cleves

#tag game

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coridallasmultipass · 4 years

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Tmi / personal / endometriosis and menstrual issues / surgery / long post / venting ... I finally had a laparoscopic surgery done yesterday and they were able to confirm for me that i have endometriosis and it feels like a huge weight has been lifted! All my fucking life ive dealt with excruciating cramps and heavy bleeding during menstruation and i just wish i could go back in time and give a big 'fuck you' to everyone who ever told me "cramps are like this for everyone!" Or "just exercise, it helps!" Or "orgasms help with cramping!" Like hooooooh boy I knew it and im so glad to have all the cysts out of me now. I had previously tried numerous birth control options to prevent cramping and bleeding and got excruciating cramps with literally All of them and constant bleeding with the depo shot. (I had a very painful internal ultrasound done, to hopefully diagnose endo by that route, but it was inconclusive - variations in the thickness of the endometrium, which could be endo or it could just be normal...) Most recent birth control was an iud and i had to go to the er the same evening because my body couldnt stand to have it in there causing so much pain, i couldnt stop screaming and it sucked. The iud was a few weeks ago ((and the proceedure to insert it was the worst pain ive ever felt in my life, and the same sharp pain continued through the following days until i got it removed) and i havent been able to sit straight since, i have to keep sitting to one side in order to not feel like having an ice pick jammed in me. Its gotten better since the iud was removed, but i still get a sharp pain when i have to sit on something hard. My doctor recommended me to have a diagnostic laparoscopy with cystectomy ASAP because of the iud problems and all my failed birth control attempts. Everyone in my family freaked out and kept pushing me to not go through with it, but I knew i needed to know what was causing me so much pain, like tbh, as a trans man, id prefer just a straight up hysterectomy, but yknow either way this is a step in that direction anyway. I have an aunt who had to have the same proceedure twice because of complications, and kept telling me her horror story about how painful recovery was and i was like 'trust me its not going to be worse than an iud because i thought i was dying' and she blew me off like 'its going to be wAY worse' like uh no bc an iud was 666/10 on the pain scale for me, i genuinely thought i was dying or would have a heart attack with how bad the pain was; plus ive had surgeries before and was completely fine after... Anyway fuck what my family said i went through with it anyway and it wasnt that bad of a proceedure to wake up from! My first thought was 'oh no, did they hospitalize me? I feel like ive been asleep for weeks!!' But it was just the recovery room. Ive usually done pretty well with recovery, and this was no different. The worst part of the recovery room was the sensation of needing to cough from where they had inserted the breathing tube for anesthesia. (Today my throat is still a bit sore, and my voice hoarse, but warm mint tea has been helping a lot for that.) I was also feeling cramps similar to mild-moderate menstrual cramping, (no where near the sharp shooting pain of the iud, and no where near my normal, unmedicated cramping which has had me doubled over screaming in pain until the medicine kicks in in the past), and of course a bit of soreness from the incision sites and the general soreness of having gas trapped in my body. (They have to pump a bit of gas inside you so its easier to look around, and some of it stays trapped in you after.) Its a pain similar to what ive felt before just from my fibromyalgia in general, so i was very relieved for the most part. I also felt myself bleeding a bit while i was still in the recovery room. (Gross and tmi, but im still having a spot of blood only when i wipe today, so thats a relief after having been bleeding a majority of the days over the past few months trying different BC options.) Strangely, when i got home i didnt feel groggy or in need of a nap like i have for surgeries in the past. I was also warned of having nausea from the anesthesia, but i had none at all!! And i was warned by multiple sources that i wouldnt have an appetite, but boy i ate almost Everything in the kitchen yesterday im pretty sure ive gone through a whole box of protein bars since yesterday too. Multiple sources (including my family member who had the same proceedure) warned of a sudden bad mood drop immediately after the proceedure, And i dont wanna jinx it, but I have been in such a good fucking mood since i got home yesterday, but maybe thats just the painkillers talking, but still I was at a total low point, like, cant-get-any-lower low point in terms of mood, but i just... feel so good (besides the aching and incision site pain lmao) On to the pain now... The worst of it was waking up this morning after the surgery day. I had quite a bit of the trapped gas pain when i first lied down at night (and when i tried to lie on my side) but the feeling doubled when i tried to get up. Im very bloated still. While the bloating itself isnt very painful, it feels like the stretching of my stomach is pulling at the medical tape covering my incisions which is making them hurt. Im not getting the trapped-gas-roaming-my-body feeling As Often, but its obviously still trying to dissipate. I feel it most while trying to take a deep breath like a bubble pressing against my ribs, but easing a deep breath slowly in and out moves it around and makes it less uncomfortable. Light exercise, like slow walking, is supposed to help your body absorb/dissolve/release the trapped gas. So i did 5 minutes on, 5 off for 3 times on the slowest treadmill setting earlier and im going to try again tomorrow for the same. (I feel like it made my bloating worse, so i had to go back to resting after, but ive been getting up and down to get food for my insatiable appetite lmao) Now the actual tmi and gross stuff: It is really fucking hard to pee. Straight up i have to concentrate so hard. Normally i lean over on my arm to help push it all out at once, but i cant do that with the incisions over my belly lmao. Shitting is just as hard, but the Shit Gods have blessed me with the Antibiotic Runs this morning so im all set for today lmao. Im really bummed tho they put a bandage over where my belly piercing is supposed to go, so i couldnt put it back in after the surgery. The whole, not being able to bend over thing, is reminding me of what its like to have a fresh belly piercing, and im groaning bc im gonna have to go thru with it again to get it back.... and i feel like i jUSt got it done... (it was summer last year) ughhhhhh.... oh well, like at least this time it should go in straight i hope? Also, obligatory vent that... having a fucking uterus does not make me a woman i wish doctors and nurses would use gender neutral language... TLDR; had a laparoscopic surgery to diagnose endometriosis and remove the uterine cysts caused by it, having a great recovery so far!! Still waiting on follow up from the doctor for my next step, but im feeling a lot better than when i was suffering cramps from every birth control i tried to get Rid of cramps

#endometriosis #endo #chronic pain #fibromyalgia #menstruation #surgery #tmi #personal #vent #Cori.exe #Post.exe #long post

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lilacjaemin · 5 years

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sublatis ancoris et margarita

pairing: pirate!jeno x gender neutral reader (bulleted)

genre: fluff and angst

word count: 2.8k

summary: sublatis ancoris et margarita (latin): anchor and pearl

a/n: this is the first time ive been able to write something so easily in such a long time. this one just kinda flowed out of me. ive been in such a terrible creative rut lately. it means a lot to me that this one came together. i was very scared i was losing my ability to write. im so so proud of this one.

pirate jeno

he’s sailed for as long as he can remember

he’s pretty sure he was conceived and born on a ship

he learned to walk on the wobbly deck of his father’s boat

which resulted in him having to get his land legs, rather than the other way around

jeno was attached to the ocean

sea water ran through his veins

he came from a long line of sailors

but he wasn’t a violent pirate

the lee family wasn’t after power, and they already were wealthy

they truly just loved sailing

the art and everything that came along with it

they loved to travel the seas and visit new places

discovering new islands and finding pretty things along the way

sure, sometimes they found treasure and sold it for money

sometimes they kept the treasures for mementos

but they never fought or got into trouble

the crew was intimating enough to where they didn’t have to fight

the ship was ginormous and beautifully crafted

intricate flowers on the side

plus with 18 men onboard just to keep jeno safe and a big crew

what small boat would even go near them

they pushed themselves to travel farther, go on longer voyages, find shinier, bigger jewels

jeno loved jewels and precious stones

he loved the meaning behind them

whenever his family found them amongst the treasures, they would immediately go to jeno

pearls became his favorite

not only were they something beautiful created from something rough

but different colored pearls represented different things

some meant perfection, prosperity, love, protection, etc

he loved the idea of giving them as gifts and the look on people’s faces as he told them the symbolism

and he always carried pearls with him

once his parents had gotten older they decided to stay on land for the rest of their days

they handed the ship and crew down to jeno

now captain of The Flora

his friends adored him and the crew respected him

he didn’t think he could be happier than he was on the open ocean

from time to time in between journeys jeno would visit his family

he thought the small village where they settled down was adorable

he couldn’t find a place like it no matter where he sailed

it was a quaint island and a tight knit community

small houses and businesses lining the cobblestone streets

lanterns and candles on every corner, casting an amber glow across the whole town

at first the townspeople were afraid of him

a huge ship docked at the edge of their tiny shore, and what seemed to be at least 100 scary pirates filing off of the deck

it really was about 30 lanky men who enjoyed singing sea shanties in their free time

but jeno’s warm smile and honey like voice immediately put them at ease

kids would run out to the beach when The Flora came into view

they gravitated towards the lure of a pirate lifestyle

johnny and yukhei loved to bring the children on board and let them explore

yuta and doyoung loved to show them the bounties they brought in

renjun and donghyuck told them ghost pirate stories while kun and jaemin were there to comfort afterwards

everyone greeted the crew of The Flora with big smiles each time they entered their shops

sometimes he’d be bearing gifts, other times they would send him off with goods for his travels

although he loved the town and his parents, he could never stay away from the sea for too long

it was like it called to him

the freedom he felt was like no other

funnily enough, jeno hated anchors

anchors meant being tied down, having to pick a place to stay

the idea of being somewhere for longer than a few days made his skin crawl

that is, until he met you

you worked in the small outpost for sea trade your family owned

the little shed was tucked into the rocks by the beach

you watched every time The Flora pulled in

you hoped one day your dream of a handsome pirate would come true

but anytime one walked in they reeked of fish, had unkempt hair and stained clothes

yeah you didn't want to kiss any of those bearded faces

you thought you saw some cute boys leave the ship but you had never gone out to meet any of them

you kinda hoped they would come by instead

one day you were writing in your journal, daydreaming to the sounds of the waves you grew to love so much

someone knocked on the door to get your attention

when you looked up, you were breathless

he walked in with sun kissed skin, saltwater making his hair curly

he wore a white button up blouse with lace details at the collar and sleeves

black pants and tall, black boots

his smile was unlike anything you had ever seen

he had clean teeth!! white teeth!! who knew pirates could have nice teeth!!

and his eyes

his eyes sparkled and when he grinned at you his eyes turned into crescent moons reflecting off the water

he was beautiful

you introduced yourselves

you found yourself rolling his name over and over on your tongue quietly

little did you know he was doing the same

he showed you the few silver treasures he had hoping to sell them

among them was a small anchor pendant he had received from a blacksmith on a far away island

jeno noticed how your eyes lingered on it a little too long

his gaze moved from your awestruck expression to the journal you had been writing in when he entered

an anchor was stamped into the front of the brown leather cover

before you turned back to count up how much he would be getting, he pulled the charm back into his sleeve

“oh, how did that get in there? this isn't for sale, im sorry about that.” he mumbled

he saw your face fall slightly, as you had planned to buy it back from your father once it was the store’s

you two had a small conversation and exchanged the items for money

your hand brushed against his and his skin was dry from the salt and sun, but it still made your heart skip a beat

he bowed a little and thanked you for your kindness

you tried your hardest to wipe the longing from your face as you watched him head back to the boat

jeno entered the captain's quarters with a feeling in his chest he couldn't explain

as he began to put the money away, mark, a crew member he had known since he was little, walked by

he noticed the change in jeno immediately and asked him if he felt okay

the younger boy nodded, hoping the red on his face would be mistaken for sunburn

he made his way to his parents house, determined to find out more about you

after many questions and “no reason, just wondering” responses, jeno was even more intrigued

he made a note in his mind

new voyage, new treasure

jeno returned a few times, each time flirtier than the last

some days he didn’t even bring any treasures, visiting under the pretense of “just checking your stock”

“jeno, you’re the only ship at the island, how could we have new stock?”

“well you know, someone could've docked overnight or something...”

you two became fast friends

you loved hearing of his adventures, he just loved talking to you

now you just expected him to be there each morning

you didn't expect for him to be holding a sweet from the bakery, however

“is this okay? we've never talked about our favorite foods and i didn't know what to get you but if not i can go back-”

“jeno, it’s perfect.”

each time you interrupted his rambles you loved to watch his furrowed brows smooth out and see his mouth pull up in a grin

he was always worried he was doing something wrong

but you were always there to reassure him

one morning, he arrived surprised to find you asleep on the counter

he smiled, taking in your features

he hesitantly raised his hand to push your hair away from your face, hoping not to startle you

as his fingertips brushed your cheek, he heard the message loud and clear ringing between his ears

you were the most beautiful thing he had ever laid eyes on

you woke up to jeno staring down at you

lovingly?

he apologized profusely for waking you

you explained profusely that it was okay

he cleared his throat

"i was wondering if i could see you,” he started

“like, see you somewhere other than your job. maybe i could take you out tonight,”

your heart thumped against your ribs

“i mean only if you’d like to,” he scratched the back of his neck, realizing this was a little sudden considering you just woke up

“and it would seem a little weird if a scary pirate took you on his ship for the night and i dont want your family to freak out, so do you know of a place we could go? only if you want to-”

“jeno, i do.”

his face lit up like the summer sun

“you do?”

it took all of his self control to not hug you right then and there

“i do, and i know just the place we can go.”

jeno glowed all day

that night as the sun dipped below the horizon you led jeno to the top of the rocks above your outpost

you two talked under the stars for hours

you didn't leave until you knew you were barely gonna be able to function at work the next day

you felt a light in your chest that wasn't there before

jeno became a part of your routine

he’d greet you each morning, go off to do “pirate business” as he put it, and meet you at your spot each night

you found yourself opening up to this “intimidating” pirate and questioned if this was the right thing to do

soon it became impossible to watch the night sky without holding him

he’d tuck you under his chin and you'd wrap your arms around his waist

your ear pressed to his chest gave you your new favorite sound

the waves were drowned out by his heartbeat and the vibrations of his voice

just having him near felt warm and safe and right

he wasnt scary, or anything like anyone you'd met before

he was just jeno

jeno with sun dried skin and soft moon eyes and lips you desperately wanted to know the taste of

jeno with incredible stories of islands and treasure that you desperately wanted to be a part of

but what was scary was falling for him so quickly

“im so sorry,” he whispered into your hair one night

you felt your eyes shut, knowing what was coming, expecting it

you knew he was a traveler, you couldn't take that away from him

you would be an anchor

a burden

he had already stayed on your island for a month, he was going to have to go back out eventually

and it would hurt both of you

you couldn't leave home forever

and he couldn't stay forever

you began to push him away

you would say hi in the mornings and leave your spot early on into the nights

you'd force yourself to get out of his grasp and trudge away with a heavy weight on your shoulders

and jeno swore he could hear his heart break in his chest

when he watched you come up with excuses to leave the rocks each night he wished on every star in the sky that things would be okay

he knew what you were doing, and it was terrifying

for the first time in his life, brave pirate jeno was afraid of something

losing you

you pushed him away night after night, closing yourself off to him

you wouldn't let him hold you close, you barely spoke

‘just until he leaves,’ you kept telling yourself, ‘once he's gone it’ll be easy to forget him’

the night before his ship was scheduled to go, he was already at your spot when you arrived

jeno waited until you sat down beside him, staring off at the water as he spoke

“i've never had a home,” he started

‘this was it,’ you thought, ‘he’s gonna sail away and take my heart with him’

“ive traveled all over the ocean. ive stopped at countless places. ive met so many people,”

“ive never had a home. ive never wanted to stay anywhere for more than a few weeks. there never was any reason to,”

‘here it comes’ you felt like you were going to fall and tumble into the sea below

he turned to face you, a look written across his features you've never seen before

“you are my home.”

what?

you waited, not realizing you were holding your breath until he began again

“you are my home. home isn't a place, its a person, a feeling. and i would stay anywhere if it meant being with you. i would stay forever if forever was in your arms.”

“jeno-”

“please hear me out.” his voice cracked with an emotion you couldn't pin, fear? urgency?

“i know its unfair. its unfair that i did this to you. i leave. i fell for you and forgot that leaving is what i do. i cant ask you to come with me. but if you want me to stay, id give the ship to one of my men and stay right here with you.”

“jeno you-”

“please let me finish.”

“ive been attacked by other pirates, ive been on a sinking ship, ive sailed through shark infested water, but ive never been as scared as i am right now.”

he picked up your hand and placed it over his heart

it was beating just as fast as yours

“you are the greatest treasure i could ever find. i love you and i would be foolish to leave you on this island in search of more silver cups or red rubies-”

you pulled on his shirt and brought his mouth to yours

his lips were chapped but they tasted of coconut

they were warm against your own

he moved slowly, bringing his hand up to cup your cheek

his other hand found yours resting against his chest

the rhythm of your kiss matching that of the waves kissing the shoreline

“jeno-” you whispered against him, pulling away just enough to see into his eyes

“i can’t ask you to give up sailing, but i love you too much to let you go. i can wait for you. i can stay here and be yours, and you can be mine, and when you come home ill still be yours. ill always be yours. i can-”

this time it was his turn to quiet your rambling

he pushed you to lay back onto the rock and pressed open mouth kisses to different parts of your lips

he kissed you for what felt like hours, until your lips were puffy and red and you two were breathless

he helped you sit up and then he rested his forehead on yours

“i have something for you.”

you couldn't imagine how he could make your heart happier than it already was

he reached into his pocket and placed his hand inside yours, depositing the small anchor pendant into your palms

it was on a beautiful silver chain, and when you examined it closely, there were now two small pearls on the tips of the anchor

“the black pearl represents protection,” jeno opened the clasp to place it around your neck, “i will always keep you safe.”

you turned around and felt yourself shiver

at his words or his breath against your skin you didn't know

“the blue pearl symbolizes true love.” he said into the shell of your ear, pressing a small kiss to it

he held you until the sunrise, falling asleep to the sound of your heart

when he woke the next morning, you were still there, fingers intertwined with his

he knew you'd always be there

you always were there

you sent jeno off with a full heart and the taste of coconut lingering in your mouth

but you knew he’d be back

he always came back

anytime you missed him you touched your necklace

anytime he missed you he would write you letters in your brown leather notebook

sometimes he took you on small trips to nearby islands and you got to watch your boyfriend in action

you became his pearl, his greatest treasure

and when The Flora did return from voyages, the kids still lined up, the townspeople still smiled, and you still felt your heart race

jeno, a little sunburnt and homesick? yes, but leaving?

never

you also became his anchor, but it wasn’t such a terrible thing to stop and stay for a little while

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tumblunni · 6 years

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Oh fuck i cant stand this

Ive already almost used up my damn mobile data again and i only bought it yesterday. Fuck i want to go home. You guys are like the only comfort i have here and i dunno what im gonna do when i cant message you again

Fuckin hell stupid shit day! I was supposed to go to a therapy class thing today but the stupid bus went past where my abusive father lives and i had a MASSIVE FREAKOUT and had to go home and then ofcourse to go home you have to go back on the stupid same bus!! I fuckib failed and wasted the doctor's time and he had to grab me to stop me from running off the bus crying and back to fuckin hell dad's house because im shit and i deserve everything he ever did to me

AND THEN fuckin same doctor continues the relentless constant tide of everyone misgendering me and making crass transphobic jokes

"You see you've gotta understand the other opinion" he says, as if trans people werent fuckin raised SURROUNDED by cis people's predjudiced opinion of us and taught it was fact. As if it didnt take me SO MUCH WORK to even become confident enough to stand up for myself! I've gotta see the 'other opinion' that "yknow well families and children use public bathrooms and theyre scared trans people will molest their children so its understandable they want to kick you out or even act violent to you". Yknow the OTHER OPINION that MY OPINION DOESNT MATTER and also MY ENTIRE EXISTANCE IS A CRIME but i'm the one being predjudiced for not accepting that OPINION, right?! Im here trying to tell him that no that isnt rational because there have been LITERALLY NO RECORDED CASES of trans people molesting children in public bathrooms, or even "evil men faking being trans" to do the same thing. There's been more cases of actual cis men breaking into women's bathrooms to drag women out for merely LOOKING trans. More cis women have been harassed because of anti trans laws than they ever did before! But hey "respect that other opinion", right? And also "at least its not as bad as russia" and "but gay pride is everywhere now, that one footballer had rainbow shoelaces." Hey wow i never noticed that not only was homophobia totally over but also transphobia was remotely related to that! Wow! I seriously had to bring out the fuckin 1600s historical investigation on pre-british olde englishe that showed the existance of a gender neutral pronoun before the word "he" ever existed, and the existance of transgender pride and pronoun discussions in the 1800s before the word transgender was even popularized. I cant believe i fuckin had to do a 'show your sources that queer people existed before the internet' IN REAL LIFE. WITH A MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL. I can point at the damn NHS website but nooooo!

Oh and yknow what got me the most? YKNOW WHAT GOT ME THE MOST?? "We have sick people here, you cant expect them to remember stuff like that. Dont ruin their recovery by bringing up stuff like that." Like..fuckin..IM A FUCKIN PATIENT TOO. I wasnt even asking the other patients to stop hurting me i was asking you the staff to maybe consider it! And seriously you want me to be so super ultra perpetually prepared and perpetually rational and able to keep my existance secret and out of every conversation yet theyre too ill to learn about lgbt people existing? Just a sentence would be too painful? And me living every day being misgendered doesnt impact my ability to recover at all, eh? Fuckin shitting fuck hell.

And i hate it i HATE IT because he's being nice so i'll be the bad guy if i complain. Likehe fuckin..doesnt even know he's being rude and doesnt want to consider the idea. He says 'i dont like your tone' if i suggest the concept and FUCK in that moment i was so fuckin scared he was gonna hit me like my dad did. Or at tge very least kick me out of the hospital if i dont cooperate with him. He just fuckin..thinks he's perfectly unbiased and accepts everyone and "oh but i like to make fun of everyone equally". And i even fuckin raised the subject that people who say that often only make fun of minorities and never themselves, the majority, or major power structures. And he's just like 'yeah yeh i hate people like that'. Whoosh. Rigjt over the head. God i wasnt even TRYING to be passive aggressive i was trying tk outright tell him why what he said was upsetting me but NOPE. Trying to explain how its just so hard and tiring to have to verrrrrry patientlyyyyy explain yourself to EVERYONE EVERY DAY CONSTANTLY while they sling loads of rude words at you and it should be just allowed because they 'dont know better'. Like you ask me to educate you but at the same time im rude if i actually tell you?? And god i also tried to explain how the fuckin bathroom violence thing isnt an example of 'educating another opinion' AGAIN by saying like... If someone just asked me to explain being transgender i would. If someone just said they were uncomfortable i would leave. That's 'another opinion'. Reacting with slurs and violence to a trans person existing and not doing anything to you is not 'another opinion' and its not someone who 'just didnt know'. He was seriously trying to argue that it WASNT BIGOTED it was just someone rationally being afraid for their children because of a danger that doesnt exist, and rationally reacting with extreme violence rather than doing anything else. Rationally. RATIONALLY. oh just MISTAKENLY committing a hate crime! Cos they just didnt know trans people exist! Not cos they hate us! Oh no! Yeah sure we totally have a fucking DUTY to educate these POOR UNKNOWING PEOPLE while theyre attacking us, and its our damn fault if we didnt...

And just fucking FUCK i hate how someone can say all that stuff and still be "nice" and still not hate me personally? Like its so messed up?? He's not anti trans or anything he just has so much more damn sympathy for cis people than trans people, and puts all the onus on us to somehow prevent our own murders. And he thinks that "i dont have a problem with trans people" means doing LITERALLY NOTHING to change your behaviour to make trans people feel accepted. They should just magically know that your jokes are jokes when theyre surrounded by so many people saying it honestly, in CONSTANT FEAR OF THAT EXACT THING LEADING TO VIOLENCE. And like in order to be "a guy who has no problem with trans people" he has to do nothing, while in order for me to be not bigoted against HIM it means i have to never get offended by his jokes and also never talk about myself and also constantly educate him about things because he doesnt want to learn, even though he works in a hospital thats supposed to have an anti discrimination policy. Like fuckin just NOT HURTING LGBT PEOPLE doesnt make you discrimination free, shit like telling me to misgender myself because my pronouns would confuse the other patients is kinda fuckin fucked up. Also "that's a question for later" is all i CONSTANTLY get when it comes to talking about legal name changes or therapy or even just talking to an lgbt support group. I have to wait until i stop being depressed because oh no im talking about too many mental illnesses at once. Its been seven years and i havent fuckin stopped being depressed, bitch! Ever consider a fuckin symptom of gender dysphoria is a big ol fat depression!!! And just gahhhhh he was so fuckin baffled and angry that i would dare to get emotional about the subject?? Like he just saw DEBATING WHETHER TRANS PEOPLE ARE REAL and WHETHER PEOPLE WHO MURDER THEM FOR USING THE BATHROOM ARE JUSTIFIED as a perfectly normal casual discussion that a Non Transphobic Man could have with his transgender friend. Why oh why would i cry about this casual hypothetical discussion? Hey its not like it fuckin affects me directly! "Well its never happened to you right?" A Ha Ha Ha Ha. Also fuckin "so which bathroom do you use?" and "well you're not really transgender if youre not getting the surgery-oh wait you do want the surgery? How does that work then?" I swear i could just see the gears turning in his head and he was about to say "do you want both down there". Gahhhhhh *cringes myself into a tiny tumbleweed and blows away*

Also the entire time he kept calling being trans a sexuality and also asexuality. "No youre not trans youre asexual right?" Yeah sure ive just been saying im trans and saying im not a girl and wearing a chest binder and talking this entire conversation about my experiences as a trans person in public bathrooms just to pull an elaborate prank on you. And like i know what he meant is that he thought the word for nonbinary was asexual (has asexuality REALLY made so little progress towards getting into the sex ed curriculum in the entire 25 years of my life?) But like seriously he was like "youre not really trans if youre nonbinary". And then fuck dude i dont wanna explain how surgery works to you!! And especially not also my entirely unrelated sexuality that has entirely different equally upsetting predjudices!

Ans gahhhh fuck i just got no sympathy for crying and he acted as if it was just some wildly unexpected occurance he never could have predicted. And i hate it cos he's nice to me whenever the subject is about anything else. I cant get any symoathey from ANYONE because he's A NICE GUY and why dont i just understaaaaaand other opinionnnnnns

I wanted to fuckin quit this whole thing on the spot and go home. Only reason i cant is because my support worker is off work until thursday auauauaughhh

Fuck at least one positive i guess is that ive made progress in the social anxiety or at least gotten better at giving the impression im making progress. Cos i want to LEAVE AS FAST AS POSSIBLE. And also fuck all my other worries seem less suicide-inducing when im actually getting the closest ive ever been to killing myself on a daily basis because of a stupid other thing that i never could have predicted. Go here for one form of self hate, come home with another! Yayyyyy

And fuck i havent even made a single bit of progress on drawing or writing anything and i cant practise making ganes cos my laptop cant run rpgmaker and i havent even started reading my giant pile of books cos they fuckin LOOK THROUGH THE WINDOW EVERY SINGLE HOUR TO MAKE SURE YOU AINT KILLED YOURSELF. i have no fuckin pribacy and its making me wanna kill myself even more!! I just live constantly on edge looking at the fuckin door window and i cant even do anything to distract myself because im too scared of them looking at me!! Or barging in at no notice to tell me i have to do some big stressful thing RIGHT NOW because i dont even get advance notice of anything aaaa! And fuck i dont have anywhere to go to even calm down from a panic attack cos i have no privacy so at least im getting over being scared of going outside cos outside is the only place i can go to cry. Fuckin strangers in the crowd at least wont cause shit if they see me.

Fuck i want to go home. Fuck i wish i had enough money to keep buying mobile internet. Its like fuckin 750mb a day to run tumblr but its all ive got to talk to any person who doesnt hate me or patronize me or think im faking a bunch of shit or whatever the fuck. And im not even any fun to be around when im like this so im probably just ruining your day too. And im probably gonna vanish again soon and then just go back to crying alone and getting worse and probably never being able to leave

I knew it was gonna be stressdul but i didnt predict any of this.. I just wanna fuckin die. I wanted to jump out the car and go to my old dad's house and have him pull open the door and slap me around a bit. Like call me a fucking dyke, call me a sick retard, be honest about your feelings! I'd fuckin take being abused over this "oh youre the bad one for being mad because i had goooood intentions" reverse psychology bigotry from hell. Either these people are evil geniuses or theyre even more stupid like me. Fuckin shit dad please manifest in my room and slap me, killing me instantly. I feel like being scared of you would at least be a faster emotion than this nebulous sensation of confusing unease and dysphoria 24/7 for 6 fuckin months. One week done, haha! Hahahabahahahahahahahahahahahahshahahahahahshshshahshahahahhahahaaaa

#suicide mention #im sorry #all their no privacy shit doesnt even work cos i was just left alone all night when i wanted to kill myself #and took then three days to notice the wound on my arm #didnt cut my veins or anything dangerous i just couldnt stop scratching #at my skin for an hour and now there's a bit of a mess there #but its scabbed over so its fine #i drew all over the other arm to keep from hurting myself again #i thought i was okay after that nice experience at the build a bear workshop but im even #worse today cos now i k ow the staff are just fuckin fine with transphobia and im gonna just have to #shut my mouth i guess #fuck just look forward to the art classes whenever i finally get to do them #but i was looking forward to the class today and then i couldnt do it cos i got all scared of dad #fuckkkkkkk

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naernon · 6 years

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Ryvrinei for the ask meme? :0

yes, . .. my snelf . .. .. i love her so much. she is my OG. well, not my OG, my OG is mijia, a khajiit from when i first played the game, but when i got back into TES (through ESO), the first character i made was rye bread, and then i made her in skyrim.

to run through her backstory very briefly. she’s an immortal vampire snow elf who escaped the dwemer and roamed for years avoiding the threats that wiped the majority of the falmer out until she came to realize that she’s one of the last; leading her to become desperate in trying to preserve her culture and society and revive it. mortality became an issue and she forced herself to become a vampire for extended life.

she lives for years, traveling across tamriel in search of any remaining Falmer and trying her best to recover all that was lost to mostly no avail. the jist of her traits is that she’s melancholic, studious, dignified, contemplative, reserved, and dedicated. that’s what i have on her character page so far, at least.

she’s an active WIP because lore is complicated and it’s hard to work on such a long-living character. she’s fucking ancient. like. 3,800+ years. if iirc, she’s around the same age as the tribunal? that fucks me up like on the daily. wow. what tf

B A S I C S

full name: ryvrinei anlador / rye bread

gender: female. trans

sexuality: lesbian

pronouns: she/her

O T H E R S

family: she had a sister. still working on that portion of her story.

birthplace: ???, skyrim

job: falmeri scholar of her race’s history and culture

phobias: going into dwemer ruins is a major struggle for her, and while she disregards her fears in order to recover falmeri artifacts and all, the Betrayed are also very hard to face, so she tends to be very, very cautious when delving into ruins. she avoids them as much as possible and tries her best not to kill them. this caution increases upon finding gelebor and him introducing (she knew of this possibility but never thought it to be too likely) the idea of the Betrayed being communicated with.

guilty pleasures: she likes cocoa. she really doesn’t have much of a sweet-tooth but cocoa reminds her of her childhood plus it’s pretty damn good. i HC that vampires do lose a lot of their taste for things over-time due to not NEEDING to eat food to live (only blood) which is a shame but ryvrinei likes to indulge in it when she canshe also has an unusual knowledge of dogs. she’s a dog person.

M O R A L S

morality alignment?: i wasnt sure on that so i took the quiz in his character; he got chaotic evil haha. but the runner up was the one i had guessed prior; chaotic neutral. EDIT: bruh three months later i just realized that i forgot to fill this one out for ryvrinei and i kept it as the answer i gave estryon lmao. i’d say ryvrinei is lawful neutral

sins - lust/greed/gluttony/sloth/pride/envy/wrath (this was hard bc while she isn’t flawless she doesnt align precisely with any of these that much, at least after millennia of being immortal and alone without any contact to any of her friends or family. that humbled any remotely “sinful” traits she had.)

virtues - chastity/charity/diligence/humility/kindness/patience/justice

T H I S - O R - T H A T

introvert/extrovert: introvert but she has her own share of moderately charismatic skills. years of being in moderate isolation from a lot of social contact dulled them, however.

organized/disorganized: mix of the two

close minded/open-minded: closed, becomes more open-minded later

calm/anxious: she’s generally quite calm, all things considered, but as i’ve stated her years and years of lonely immortal life left her a bit… off. not in a negative way, overly, but she’s not as emotionally stable as she once was. she’s still good at containing her emotions but once you get her going it’s hard for her to stop. AKA typically, dwemer ruins are a rough experience all around (but then she met serana! and she doesn’t become dependent on her so-to-speak but the presence of a friend/wife helped to an unspeakable extent. while with all my other OCs, the events of skyrim fucked them up, i’d say ryvrinei got the most positive things from it out of all. she finally wasn’t so alone oh wow i am Tearing Up)

disagreeable/agreeable: agreeable

cautious/reckless: cautious

patient/impatient: patient, although she tended towards impatience pre-uh. Dwemer/Nord crisis with the Falmer

outspoken/reserved: outspoken but as a lot of her other traits it was dulled by immortality. before that, you could get her HEATED over scholarly and academic debates

leader/follower: leader, naturally. she’s intelligent and intuitive and has the skills for leadership, and in addition to that throughout her later, immortal life, people turn to her due to her experience and years.

empathetic/unemphatic: empathetic but immortality led her to view life and all a bit more… coldly. for lack of a better word. more neutrally. she isn’t overly like (ESO) seht but (she’s my Clockwork City Hero, she went through that whole experience) when they met they saw eye-to-eye on a lot of ideals and viewpoints, which makes sense, given their similarity in age.

optimistic/pessimistic: years and years of no luck in finding other Falmer and years and years of unsuccessful expeditions and research led her to be more pessimistic than she once was

traditional/modern: she adapts well. modern. but she has a lot of the ethic and ideas that you would expect from someone born in the first era

hard-working/lazy: hard-working

R E L A T I O N S H I P S

otp: ryvrinei/serana

ot3: i have,,, NO clue., you have to understand that i dont have many friends at all, so that projects onto my OCs, so it’s very hard for me to think of any more than a handful of friends and acquaintances for them. that is. very pitiful.

brotp: gelebor/ryvrinei and estryon/ryvrinei! initially, ryvrinei went through the dawnguard DLC alone and with no involvement from the last dragonborn, but i’ve decided, in order to jive with the small portions of the dawnguard DLC that rely on the existence of dragonborn powers and capability; ryvrinei accompanies estryon and serana on the final portion of it all, starting when the DB first meets gelebor, as ryvrinei found gelebor prior to the DB’s arrival. so that gives ryvrinei a reason to meet serana, meet estryon, while also knowing gelebor.you would figure estryon’s abrasive personality to clash with ryvrinei’s… better personality lmao but quite the opposite. they somehow worked well together. i think estryon liked the way ryvrinei saw things and meeting such an ancient and experienced mer such as ryvrinei led him to try and tone down his brash and rude tendencies. serana and estryon’s remote friendship took a bit of work, however.

notp: gelebor/ryvrinei. no. no. absolutely not for a multitude of reasonsOH and also dzra (my dwemer bab) and her. i literally cannot imagine a worse, more conflicting couple. they have encountered each other a few times, however, as is inevitable with two ancient beings of two different lost races, but ah. long story

thanks again for sending :)

estryon’s answered meme || world-building ask meme

#ask memes #oc; ryvrinei #rye bread. . . wow. she makes my eyes water i love her so much #oc talk #long post

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tumblunni · 7 years

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also wtf who designed rune factory 4 this way THIS IS MY ONLY COMPLAINT IN AN AMAZING GAME why are all the romance routes entirely random?? even after youve reached the relationship milestones its COMPLETELY RANDOM whether the event will start every day same for every friendship event and town event and even some plot events you just have to sit there at your bed constantly skipping days for multiple years til the random number god gives you the marriage scene you did EVERYTHING to earn this marriage scene and you have nothing left to do but wait and youll never see any new events with that character until it happens, and you have a very limited amount of dates to go on while youre waiting, and they all do NOTHING except raise the relationship bar over maximum which does nothing. doesnt even increase the chance of the random event?? why even LET me increase it over maximum if it does nothing? thats just tricking me into thinking i havent unlocked the marriage event yet! when I HAVE and i just need to WAIT A BAZILLION YEARS OF RANDOM

anyway i finally got Leon’s random marriage quest and it was Awesome and So Many Tears and now im even more conflicted on who to marry gahhhhh its such a shame you cant resolve everyone’s plot unless you date them, i feel so bad dating all these people when im not able to marry them all, just cos i wanna fix their lives and make them happy but then theyre gon be sad that we didnt get married aaaa

and Leon is especially saddddd

now cos his whole plot is that he had a depressing scenario with a friend as a kid. She loved him but he saw her as just a little sister, and he jokingly promised to marry her once when they were too young to understand. And he didnt know she took it seriously until after he DIED and reincarnated as a fox monster person centuries later too late to do anything about it. And he’s crushed full of guilt that he somehow led her on, and he was never able to apologise, and he’s scared she spent her whole life waiting for him to come back. and then you get this very cool series of sidequests thatre a realistic look at translating languages, and its really motivational how leon is able to help bring knowledge of a dead language back to life and preserve the ancient culture that people thought was lost BUT THEN ENDLESS FUCKIN TRAGEDY kiel accidentally finds an old diary of leon’s friend (WHAT ARE THE ODDS) and he has frickin detailed anxiety attacks unable to even hold the damn paper cos he’s shaking so much and you go on a big treasure hunt to find all the pages and he’s just CRYING SO MUCH mr playboy man! mr flirty asshole! mr stoic! he’s fuckin crying and he cant hold a book without your help and aaaa and his whole story is about how he isnt really the negative stereotypes of a flirty character, he really REALLY values love and he feels depressed he cant love everyone who loves him, so he tries to fake it. And he tries to push people away whenever it seems genuine, but also like... entertain them enough that they dont feel he doesnt love them, i guess? and no matter how promiscuous a person is, they still cant love EVERYONE, you cant just force a relationship on them and say they must be asking for it cos they date other people and enjoy sex. its so depressing that he considers his biggest flaw that he wasnt able to force himself to love someone he didnt, especially when he did care about her, just as a best friend instead! if theyd just talked about it, it would have saved all this heartache for both of them! so then we start piecing together this book and it looks like his worst fears are confirmed, she spent her whole life waiting for him and hating him and its really fucking EXPLODINGLY SAD and then the quest is a bit confusing so i spent several days stuck on this point not knowing who to talk to next, going through random dungeons in case that somehow helped. turned out i did find the right spot but the quest just doesnt progress until you talk to the right person first GAH! stuck for five days on crying leon scene!! NOOOOOO but I finally got past it and CLIMACTIC HAPPY END or bittersweet end more like we find out we mistranslated one bit which was actually PAGE NUMBERS, and we were missing a page all along! and then the final page reveals that she actually moved on and found a new love and had a happy family and grew old together, and her only frustration with leon was imagining that he couldnt find the same thing, worrying that she’d betrayed him. So this wasnt a diary, it was actually a letter she wrote for him to find, having confidence he’d wake up someday and have another chance at happiness! She just wanted him to know that she kept his memory alive and she’s sorry and she was happy and AAAAAAUUUGH im tearing up again the bit that really got me was that we find out that leon’s favourite romance novel was actually written by her. It was so popular it survived into the modern day as a literature classic, and it convinces him that she really was happy with her new boyfriend if she could write something as beautiful as this. And he wants to embody the spirit of the book with you, and keep his new promise to her to have a happy family of his own :) ... AGHHHHHHHHAAAAAHHHHH why cant i marry everyone why do so many of them have plots where it seems like they wont be happy unless i love them... even now i dont really think the leon pairing is my favourite, i wish i could have had this plot as a friendship route! i think it would have resonated just as much since the whole backstory is about him being friends with someone who had unrequited love for him. i wanna be leon’s bestie and ultimate wingman! I like him a lot but I dont really think i wanna marry him! IM SO SORRY LEON AAAA he’s such a soulful beefcake dammit I’m sure he’d find a bazillion better lovers! I’m sure a lot of players did marry him! WHY DO I FEEL SO GUILTY AAAAA its not fair, aaaa arthur was the first one i dated and i also really care about him but in his case his way of acting in the romance isnt very different to when youre just friends so i dont think i wanna commit to that relationship maybe? it might change when i see his final random event but i dont get much ‘he’ll be happy with you’ vibes, its just strengthening their powerful brotp that they had from the start of the game. he feels like someone protagonist would indeed date, but theyd part again on friendly terms after it didnt work out, and then be amicable exes who still care a lot about each other. and I just feel like I wanna marry dylas even though he’s had the least tragic events so far. gahhhh! he just seems SO HAPPY dating you, and has loads of character development since it started, unlike the other two ive seen the dates for. he feels like he’s actually getting something out of this that he wouldnt if we were just friends? its so hard trying to weigh up the pros and cons of romance options in games when im inacapble of actually being attracted to anyone, its just ‘i care about you all and i wanna give you the best possible ending’. I haaaaate when games have it so that romance is always the best possible ending for every single character and they all suffer forever if you dont pick them :P and I havent even seen the romances with the other three dudes yet! GAHHHHH!! Theyre all the ones I wasnt immediately interested in dating, but that opinion could totally change, i could end up with a six way tie :P ... ALSO RANDOM BUT is anyone else really uncomfortable with the queerbaiting in this game? there is a LOt, a LOT of ‘lol maybe gay’, sometimes so clear that it seems the game is outright canonically stating this character is gay or bisexual yet you have no option to marry them unless youre the opposite sex. It gets REALLY uncomfortable with Dylas, he just,,, does not express any interest in women at all unless the player pursues him. And his mutual crush with doug is CONSTANTLY REFERENCED, and called out very clearly for what it is. IOf the game didnt keep pointing it out i would have been able to shrug it off as just accidental chemistry from a failed rivalry plotline or something, but we have EVERYONE saying ‘oh a lover’s quarrel’ and ‘be honest about your feelings’ and ‘i bet you wanna see doug in a swimsuit’ and ‘gee i really wanna see doug in a swimsuit’ and IT CANT BE ANY MORE CANON THAN THIS. And.. like.. Dylas even says he DOESNT wanna see women in swimsuits, he’s just here at the beach cos Doug might come along. He does not express any interest in women at all except the protagonist! It makes me feel SO uncomfortable! it feels like he’s actually gay, when with most other characters they seem bisexual?? I dunno how to explain it, thats just how it comes off to me. Why is there no option for him and doug to date, why cant i date him as the male protagonist?? His romance route is so totally gender neutral, i did the postgame protagonist swap cheat and it just feels more in-character for him this way. if im gonna steal him away from Doug i dont want it to be a weird gay conversion therapy type thing, it just feels so WEIRD. The one and ONLY stated crush he has on another character, and its gay, and theres NO OPTION FOR IT TO HAPPEN and then he suddenly becomes 100% straight and never talks about doug again if a fem protagonist dates him. SO WEEEEEIRD... I’m just gonna sit here on the non-canon bonus feature dylas x male protag train and never leave. If you cant have doug you shall have the transitioned me! Its funny cos he’s like the only batchelor i very vehemently cannot ship with fem protag, yet do with male protag :P but GAHHH leon deserves a family and i could give him a child and aaaaa SO HARD TO CHOOSE also i am sad that the postgame cheatmode lets you switch to any character but if its not one of the two protags its only your overworld model and not your face portraits. Its weird because every batchelor and batchelorette has the exact same full set of emotions and costumes, so why cant i access that?? its also a shame cos it means i cant roleplay my doug and dylas marriage properly :P CMON MAN WHY U EVEN TELL ME THEY IN LOVE IF THEY CANT BE IN LOVE :P they have the best portmanteau ship name too! douglas! :P

#raaaaamble about gaaaaaame #distract self from feeling ill #no but seriously what is the doug x dylas official ship name and how do i find cute fanart to heal my grumpiness #ITS LITERALLY CANON YET THEY CANT DATE #if you didnt wanna do gay content then dont put gay content in your damn game #i havent seen such an undeniably frustrating example of queerbaiting since some of the yousuke stuff in persona 4

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