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wouldntyou-liketoknow · 1 year

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I just realized- eating someone for the first time was frightening enough for Caliban… but what happened when the cravings returned? What happened? Did he tell his sister? When did the feelings strike?

(Apologies in advance for how long this got 😅. Dramatic effect just be like that, y'know?)

The aftermath of Caliban's first time was frantic. Neither he nor Azalea were prepared for it. The body on their hands was. . .not technically whole, perse, but it could still be used as evidence. Unfortunately, the siblings couldn't afford to dispose of said body in a more traditional way. Instead, they were forced to merely hide it until a better opportunity arose.

Once that was done, things were quiet. Tense. Caliban and Azalea trusted each other, of course, but waiting for the other shoe to drop never does your psyche any favors. Especially when there's a corpse in your house.

When Caliban's hunger reared its ugly head, he initially thought it was normal hunger. The type he'd felt before the incident. After all, food had been frequently withheld from him before. Since the cause of his malnourishment was. . .gone, he was free to eat as much as he wanted.

And he did just that. Though it didn't take long for Caliban to realize that, despite finally feeling full more often, he never felt satisfied.

Caliban didn't understand. He was getting proper meals now, wasn't he? Did he have some kind of disorder? Was he missing something that he specifically needed? Sure, he found himself wanting meat more than most foods, but meat is very nutritious, so that just made logical sense.

However, Caliban was quick to come to yet another realization. A horrifying one. His mind had been a blur at the time of the incident, but now? Now he was suddenly able to remember the awful sense of relief and joy he'd felt when he'd. . .

It took some time, but Caliban did tell his sister about this. He had to and he knew he had to—the thought of her becoming afraid of him just made him feel sick. Azalea was just as confused and anxious as her brother, but she still did her best to reassure him. She tried everything she could think of in order to help him.

Inevitably, the siblings were forced to make a gruesome conclusion. They'd both been getting better at cooking. . .nobody else knew about what Caliban did. . .and the body was still safely hidden. . .

The rest, as they say, is history.

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antiendovents · 26 days

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breaking the queue I already set up to vent. Probably gonna put it under the cut because GOD DAMN I am angry. Dont worry, the queue will be back to normal soon ((yes I queue posts, don't question me, I will cry))

Uh, also I think I'll add a tag for my own vents, so you can block them if you wanna (#personal vent / #personal vents <- two because I'll probably forget to add or get rid of the "s")

I HATE ENDOS. I am like barely holding myself together, I am sick and tired of trying to find xenogenders, labels, ect, for me and my headmates only for them to be made by endos. Even when I see pro endos with like "oh, DNI if anti endo, but you can still use my terms so don't reclaim them" it makes me pissed off because I DONT WANT to use an pro endos term. I shouldn't have to. Am I going to reclaim it? I DONT KNOW. I want to but I have no motivation, only fear and anger. I am sick of my disorder being treated like a game. I have literally lost years of my life. Years, months that I can't remember. All of it gone. I question whats a trauma response and what's not constantly, I don't know if the trauma I remember is all that happened or if there's more I don't know about. Yet endos can just sit here with their little roleplaying accounts, pretending to have the disorder that makes my life a living hell. I can't make friends, I'm so fucking scared of people, of the outside world, so I come here to the internet and everything is so much worse. FUCK SAKE WHY CANT I JUST HAVE A SPACE TO BE ME. I am so tired of endos taking over safe spaces.

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mg-sytem · 12 days

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Honestly I think something really shitty about having trauma regarding people hurting you, is that it's possible to have this underlying paranoia that if you say ANYTHING about that person/those people anywhere on the Internet, they'll somehow see it or find it and come attacking you or spread lies about you or something. Legit don't know how people on Reddit give such obvious details about situations and somehow they don't get scared lol

This is something we've started to realize we definitely struggle with regardless of how anonymous we try to be or details we try to change or leave out.

It's not rational by any means, and we're aware of that. But if anyone else experienced this type of anxiety, understand that you're not alone and it's a battle for sure

#paranoia #sorry not sure what all to tag this #actually traumagenic #osdd #did #actuallydid #actuallyosdd #trauma #anxiety #tw

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the-witness-sys · 4 months

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Us on our main account: We're a system!! This is mostly Rain's account but others might pop in!

Me when I use the account: I must talk EXACTLY like Rain or else everyone is going to know and it's going to be horrible and the world is going to explode and everyone will hate us and-

#i dont know why its such an issue /neu #mmmm masking <3 #alex.txt #alex.exe #i feel like i should tag this with something #i always get so stressed about missing a tw tag haha #ummmm #tw anxiety #tw paranoia #maybe #just in case #did #did community #did osdd #did system #osdd #osddid

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compassionatereminders · 2 months

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This is very personal and kind of scary to put out into the world, but I thought it may be worth sharing here. I've been doing a lot of research on schizophrenia for a book character of mine, and a couple weeks ago I was reading some personal experiences from people on reddit when I found a post that hit way too close to home on things I've experienced. I now have this maybe-possibly-irrational fear (?) that I may develop schizophrenia later in life. The concept I find very terrifying, as if I did experience schizophrenia onset, I don't believe I'd have a strong enough support system to get through it well. My experiences and my family's history with mental illness has made me so paranoid about things, which of course doesn't help, because I know paranoia is a symptom as well. I feel really alone with this. I'm unsure if the concept is a genuine possibility or if its just a way to process deeper fears like isolation, confronting my flimsy support network, and the fear of not being believed or taken seriously. I'm trying to be as rational as I can, honestly. But the internet and further culture has gotten so obsessed with this "anti-self diagnosing" thing that I don't feel like I can even talk about my fears without being dismissed completely as an attention-seeking hypochondriac.

I'm honestly just really scared. I don't suppose you have any words of comfort or advice?

As a schizophrenic person myself, I'm definitely not going to act like living with schizophrenia isn't a challenge, but that truly doesn't mean that being schizophrenic is doomed to ruin the rest of your life. Most of the time developing schizophrenia isn't a permanently life ruining event that will destroy everything good in your life forever. That's an ableist horror movie trope. Schizophrenia isn't an easy disability to live with, but it is something that you can and will learn to live with along the way. So even IF you develop schizophrenia, it won't be the end of you. It will be scary and it will require some hard work and some treatment, but living well with schizophrenia is not a battle you're doomed to lose.

#chat with kat #paranoia tw #health anxiety tw

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oh-look-a-homosexual-punk-bitch · 7 days

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Is anyone else's paranoia so bad because of there mom, cuz she makes mine so much more worse than it already is, cuz she knows a lot of people and if they see me in public without my mom or dad they are designated reporters for her, sometimes she'll even call them and tell them where I'm going and it always makes me feel like I'm being followed and watched, and listened to, it's horrible, I can't sleep sometimes because of it

#/gen /srs #paranoia #paranoia disorders #anxiety disorder #bio mother #tw paranoia #tw being watched #tw being followed #mental illness #mental health

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jankwritten · 2 months

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yall wanna know how fucked up my anxiety is about some shit

i scroll past a post that's about a topic i don't like. whatever, it's fine. i scroll past a video that's a topic i don't care about. that's normal.

i scroll past a video that's a topic i don't like or care about but the person presenting it is a person of color? i IMMEDIATELY feel immensely guilty and need to "compensate" by "proving" it wasn't because of race by also skipping other random posts, JUST IN CASE someone thinks I'm racist because I didn't want to watch a video on a topic I didn't like or care about, that happened to be presented by a person of color.

this just in on: the police in my brain are loud and i'm scared of them

#this is also because i grew up in a racist area and in that culture and my own ignorance i also Was Kinda Racist #but like in that way where you don't realize it's racism until you're out of it and now feel so ashamed that you forcefully block all #those memories just so you don't ever have to associate yourself with them ever again?#(mind you I was like. 15-16 and closeted and scared scared scared all the time so I acted like the Crowd and that was awful of me to do)#BUT NOW that i've grown and am learning and have taken classes on anthropology and all kinds of stuff I just feel like I notice my own shit #like TENFOLD now #it's my anxiety overthinking thing plus if anybody ever knows I could have done anything SLIGHTLY problematic the world will explode #plus my constant paranoia that someone is always watching me and just Knows that I'm Secretly a Bad Person (even though I don't think I am?#also I feel like I need to clarify that the kind of racism in my town wasn't like. klan shit. it was like very hidden racism?#it was like. kids casually doing black accents and making jokes with racist undertones. the kind of racism where race was always #the butt of the joke instead of an outright HATED thing. and I think that's why it was so hard to unlearn #it's like that thing where in order to stop wanting to kill yourself you have to stop joking about wanting to kill yourself #this has become a vent post accidentally i'm so sorry #this is just. one of my Major anxieties that engulfs me every day because of 1) anxiety 2) potential OCD 3) being a bad person in my past #this is another reason I fucking hate florida #because I just know if I had grown up in my home town in MI I would not have been raised in that environment #and it's my own fucking fault for falling into the crowd like that.#all this to say i traumatized myself and likely some people around me by being A Fucking Idiot when I was a kid #and now adult me is doing everything in their power to not ever be that person ever fucking again #tw vent post #tw racism #tw past racism #but im better now and I know my mistakes and I refuse to make them again #fuck florida for every fucking reason under the sun

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silversupremacy · 7 months

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✨✨Dis is ur brain on cwack ✨✨

#my art #inanimate insanity #ii silver spoon #eye strain #eye strain tw #ask to tag #ginger got into the furry speedcore again <3 #second imagine is based on my Anxiety amv concept I haven't done yet </3 #this art pairs w/ my headcanon of him having psychosis. paranoia. and mania episodes #like meeeeee

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endlessmidnights · 19 days

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My anxiety has made me paranoid, I can’t here laughter, whispering, plain talking, I can’t see texting, I can’t do anything without thinking I’m being made fun of or talked about in some way

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taylorswiftcoded99 · 5 days

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I wish I didn’t have to constantly battle with the anxiety of whether or not I’m being awkward or other people are judging me. I’m so in my head sometimes I wish I could just live in the moment and not let the fear of embarrassing myself hold me back.

#anxiety #anxious #paranoia #tw depressing stuff #tw depressing thoughts #mental health rant #depressing shit #sorry for being depressing #actually mentally ill #mental health ramble #depressing life #mentally exhausted #mental illness #mentally tired #im so tired #tw self destructive behavior #tw depressive #delusional

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shining-star-system · 3 months

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The one thing I hate more than anything is when I am constantly asked “when are you going to get a job,” “are you looking for a job,” “how’s the job search coming along,” so on and so forth.

Yes, I would love to be able to get one, but I don’t want to deal with the breakdowns from anxiety or paranoia that I will meet someone that will want to hurt me or that someone is after me. I don’t want to be in an area where I’m working to be harassed by someone, employee or customer. I don’t want to come home crying because I’m so scared that something won’t be done, the cats won’t have food for the day or they’ll run out of water, or that I won’t be able to be here if one of the cats are in danger.

Being in a public area makes us too hyper aware to actually have a good time, letting our guard down is a big mistake. We have be tense and ready, we have to make sure that no one is following us or that if we see something that it isn’t real. We have to mask the constant panic attacks when we don’t have someone we can rely and trust next to us at all costs when we aren’t inside the house.

I would love to work and help with income, but constantly asking when someone has seen my breakdowns and think that those will magically get better, it’s painful and pretty infuriating sometimes. I get it, they might think that now that we’re away from an abusive household, those things will calm down. No. We’ve had so many nights where our partner system has had to comfort us because we thought someone was looking in from the window. What happens if we have an episode and no one is there to help us? What do we do then? Become something for strangers to look at and whisper about because we can’t handle it? That outcome is embarrassing.

We love the idea of being a house spouse as it allows us to be in an environment where we can relax just a little bit better rather than in a public area where anything can happen. You can’t get over anxiety. Breakdowns still happen. Paranoia still stays.

I cannot heal something that is hard for us to understand some days. I am not broken, I am not damaged. I am a product of a broken home that doesn’t need more stress, I need patience and understanding. I’m not excusing our actions of not getting a job, we just can’t without panicking about even remotely applying. If we wouldn’t be so scared, stressed, and anxious… well, we’d have one by now.

#did #system #did system #dissociative identity disorder #did osdd #plurality #vent #vent post #tw vent #tired of being asked to get a job #i’d love to!!! do you think i can with so much going on?#thanks i’ll just tell my anxiety and paranoia to do a little dance on their way out #you can’t magically cure this so stop trying #anxiety mentions #paranoia mentions

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antiendovents · 26 days

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more venting ... Eep kinda, I'm so sorry y'all put up with me , not exactly endo related tho, big TW in this one, please check tags for appropriate TWs

I don't really understand what's happening, am I crashing? Am I having some kind of melt down? I don't know. I just feel bad. Horrible. Like the entire world is so horrid and dark and that I'll never be able to be who I want to be. I don't understand this place and I don't think I ever will. I don't understand why people hate me, why they want me dead just for being me. I'm so scared. I feel like someone's going to kill me, like I will die before I even get the chance to be.. me. And everytime I tell someone they just fucking laugh at me, or try give me "logic". But I know that logically it is possible. I could get murdered and it's scary. I do not want to leave my house anymore. At all. It's literally my birthday and all I can think of is how fucked everything is and how I'm going to end up dead.

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cr1ms0nesp3ra-ac3 · 21 days

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Part 3: DAY 03

( Sleep Token Lyric Challenge by @a-s-levynn )

This ain't gonna be art for now..

yet.

But instead! An oc's sibling angst oneshot,but before you must start.. warnings ↓

{ TW/TRIGGER WARNINGS:

Implied kidnapping

Mentions of Dysfunctional Family and Implied Abuse(such as either mental, emotional and physical.)

Mentions of Death ( which includes characters who are my ocs, also um parent death. )

Implied Panic Attacks

Mentions of Nightmares

Styles of Anxiety and Paranoia

And Mental Heath mentioned.}

( Btw, just to let you know that this is only my oc lore and my interpretation canon lore to ST, and no this is not canon in real life that they will be having a new band member. I just had to clarify just in case fore' I had to block someone who had said it. )

That will be a first POV of this lore I will be working btw.. and with that!

Let us begin..

an Ascensionism inspired angst oneshot.

Undercut: ↓

[ August 3, 2023 took place of-

Las Vegas, the REDACTED Residence on a streetown. ]

There is no way, no way that the brother that I always love..

now went missing.

I can't be all alone! NOT LIKE THIS!!

Not without my brother like that!! How am I supposed to keep on waiting since he told me that secret?!

...But none of that matters anyway, my sisters were still nicer to me.. though I- can notice that they felt tired.

I see why..

All was starting with worry when Jasmine tried to call Ace, over and over again but there is no response.

Til now.. Hell broke loose when She and Nora began to argue outside of my room during 8:14 PM after Nora returned from working at Starbucks.. I didn't like that, when I began to just hearing that Ace haven't responded her calls.

I didn't believe her at first.. til I tried calling him too.

No responses.

Yet it's the same thing when I tried and tried again. But again, all nothing but silence.

Now I feel scared, scared if my brother was either snatched by someone, or is it because he was busy? But what I am now officially dealing with is that.. well—

I didn't want the broken family we used to had unto from return, Jasmine began to feel tired, feel workaholic, and yet anger is inside because she'll do what it takes to find Ace.. She now works for the detective after she had to quit her job for being a gardener, but Nora and I were worried, but we also didn't want to interrupt her.. and so, we had no choice.

We had to leave her and move somewhere so that she won't hurt us again.

Like our own mother and grandfather from before.

I remember Father and Auntie trying to protect us from them, not until they died from a terrible accident.. yet we're the only three left, the Siblings.

[ August 8, 2023, 10:38 PM.. 4 weeks later after. ]

My own sense of anxiety and paranoia began to spread as I was just lying still on my bed, staring at the celling from midnight. Reflecting it like a shadow shuddering behind the celling fan.. and yet I was shaking from only fear. Because of fear, only just fear and nothing else.

I can't help but feel nothing as a fragile doll, but I don't want them to know..

...There was a nightmare I had, 3 weeks ago at 11:11 PM.

I didn't even want to mention it but it was so scary... Scary but at first, me and Ace were just playing around at the neighborhood, I didn't realize that something happened. Then I stopped, in confusion.. and now scared, as I just saw my brother being held from blue strings, for me, I was forced to watch him get dragged away by... those 5 red eyes.

Yes, those 5 red eyes... I'm not sure what that was. But it scared me.

I was supposed to run up to my brother, reaching him, trying to save him from whatever is trying to get him.

But darkness nor light either tried to stop me, as I got greeted by an...archangel entity–like demi-god, it looked like a woman but not like that in my own eyes.

This demi-god I first saw has 5 eyes, white silvered skin, glowing red color, 3 wings, a black veil dressed and dried dark brown medium-like hair, while staring at my brother who is now in strings like a puppet doll. There was someone controlling him..

I was too frozen when staring at...whoever is hunting my dreams, the expression was blank, blank at first but there is a smile to the lips.. she slowly placed a finger on her lips to keep me quiet, I don't know what to do now but to nod despite my paranoia and fear beginning to rise up.

Then she proceeded to leave like a floating angel, when I tried to get up and shouted at my brother's name to make him "respond"..

I now woke up, shaking and shivering what I just witness.

It was someone, someone who was actually the one who took my brother away from me. And yet I...hated that nightmare. I really do.

Then weeks later, I always pretended that everything is okay to my sister Nora, she was suspicious at first but she always just shrugged and just..let that slide, thank god.

I was this lucky enough that I began to had an panic attack when I was home alone, lucky me didn't have the security cameras at our new home.. Wonder how Jasmine is okay but who knows...

I feel she is no longer the first older sister I loved now. She has changed.

But what that reminds me... Ace is a journalist, he is trying to research about that "Sleep" God he tells me and my sisters' stories about. Every now and then.

Until realization hits me...

Did it just..

.....Was it the one who took Ace?

..Did it, or she actually did?

Or is just my anxiety trying and making me feel delusional?

And yet I hate it.

I hated it so much that I can't help but cry quietly and softly in fear and anxiety mixing together from my brain and body, I tend to cover it with under my own pillow and my blanket.

This is really all my fault for keeping a lot of secrets, it must have been. Because before the week he went missing, he told me about something of him wanting to be a new bandmate of that band we all loved.

I just wish I could stay with Ace.

I just wish I couldn't keep his secrets but I just can't do it, ..bitter consequences will hit me if I say the truth to the ones I know.

This will be the bitter deception I will be forced to live on for now. And it cannot make me feel safe. Nor to set me free from the tragic and sadness that I've been through.

....But maybe.... just— m-maybe..

If you are really safe for me, or you feel comfort for being safe to whoever snatched you, dear brother..

Will you come home?

#oc #oc angst #fanfic #angst oneshot #oneshot #sleep token #sleep token oc #sleep token 666 #<- ( mentioned. )#sleep token band #sleep token fanfic #sleep token fanfiction #tw implied kidnapping #tw mentions of dysfunctional fam #tw mentions of death #tw anxiety #tw paranoia #tw mental health mention #tw parent death mention #tw implied abuse #tw mentions of nightmares #Poor Jake has been through a lot!!!#Btw. Jake and Jasmine will have a very important role during the lore expansion.. they've changed of what they do nor don't want to be now.#sleep token sleep #<- ( mentioned but she only appears in whatever scenes I put lol )#Ma boy is slowly bout to get mental health during the age of 11- I .... feel bad honestly to my ocs help #🥲😭 my honest reaction to this:#a series of small offerings #welp- time for day 4 tomorrow! this time its art again hehe...#time to torture Jake for angst- sorry little small blond boi 😭

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gh0stgirl-hotline · 4 months

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i wanna do more than just survive I wanna live

#tw ptsd #cptsd #tw trauma #trauma #tw bpd vent #tw bpd #bpd #actually bpd #bpd thoughts #tw bipolar #bipolar #tw anxiety #anxitey #paranoia #depression #agoraphobia #ptsd #panic disorder #actually autistic

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thecouncilofidiots · 1 month

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???

I-

She gets on my ass about bringing people over?

SHE GETS ON MY ASS ABOUT BRINGING PEOPLE OVER??

Despite the fact I ask and it has become routine. It has become routine. It is routine.

We always ask, we either tell her or we text her.

The very very few times we've forgotten before, she got so pissy about it.

We learned, we do better.

But hypocrisy?

Because

Because because because

Unexpectedly invited someone over WITHOUT TELLING US

Without ANY warning, any mention

Don't do the things you scold other people for doing

We learn, we learned

But she doesn't? Doesn't?

Feel sick feel sick feel anxious don't know who is in our house supposed to tell someone new in our house someone new don't know -Ace (?)

#shitpost #screaming into the void #tw anxiety #tw paranoia

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autism-criminal · 6 months

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tw for fear, paranoia, suicide, death and the like

I finally have a solid reason not to off myself: fear. I have discovered that I have a horrible fear of change and the unknown. I don’t know what happens after death; will I cease to exist? Will I live forever in some type of spirit form? What will happen to you? And not only that- I’m scared of pain. What an scaredy-cat I am, huh? What if dying hurts? And of course, you are a reason for me to live, too. If I die, who will be able to send you keysmashes when I like your art, or asks about how great you are? Who will tell you that I love you, every day? I’m scared of leaving you. So I won’t. I love you.

#tw fear #tw paranoia #tw death #tw suicide #tw pain #for once I’m able to find something good about my anxiety #I love you forever and ever

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