DID is super bizarre because it’s 1:30 AM and I know I’m me, but I can also feel someone close to me. I don’t know which alter it is, all I know is they REALLY want to eat some peanut butter. Not on a sandwich or anything like that. Just plain peanut butter. I respect it, but Jesus Christ dude it’s ONE IN THE FUCKING MORNING. PEANUT BUTTER CAN WAIT.

New home made sys meme fresh out the oven

Primarily closeted system things

- hinting at other parts fronting

- “oh yeah this was the other me”

- weirdly obscure lyrics and reposts

- calling yourself ‘I’ even when talking about the collective

- “oh yeah my memory is just really bad lol”

- *telling someone about trauma* “I swear you’ve told me this before/in a different way”

- wanting to buy system things but not wanting others to find out

- lots of different accounts on different social media’s

- ^ forgetting the passwords to every single one

- (especially in school) grades going from top scores to absolutely nothing with ‘no explanation’

- living in your head most of the time

Haven’t posted here in a hot minute so here’s a quick life mad system update

Life update

• Therapist told me that we have been making good progress even if it’s not perfect

• We are in a happy and secure relationship

• we have been having a lot of trouble again with our BPD

System update

•We found a alter called timekeeper but we don’t yet know her role or purpose

•Julia has resumed fronting again

•Janey and Me (Cerise) were previously fighting a lot

•Host is currently in denial

-post written by Cerise

Weird flash of a memory

TW: CSA, COCSA mention, mention of being scared.

I hate to say this and makes me feel suicidal I won’t lie, I was having sex tonight and whilst during it I had a flash of my sister molesting me and it really confused me I know that my mom forced us when we were kids to do shit but in this flashback she was atleast in her early 20s and I don’t know how to handle it i remember someone asking me if someone had abused me sexually and i remember at this young age I thought of screaming out loud “my sister touched me” and I’ve had this thought sporadically throughout the years but this flash of a memory is really messing me up help .. I’m scared of this all

Having dissociative amnesia can be a confusing and distressing experience. Individuals with dissociative amnesia experience gaps in their memory, meaning they cannot recall important personal information that is not due to ordinary forgetfulness. The memories that are lost cannot be recovered through normal means such as reminders or suggestion, and the individual may have gaps in their memory that can last anywhere from a few hours to several years.

People with dissociative amnesia may feel detached or removed from their surroundings and may have difficulty with day-to-day activities and relationships. They may feel a sense of confusion or disorientation and may struggle to make sense of their experiences. They may also feel a sense of fear or anxiety about what has happened or what they have forgotten.

In some cases, individuals with dissociative amnesia may experience other symptoms such as flashbacks, dissociative identity disorder, and depression.

It's important to seek the help of a mental health professional if you are experiencin

I put the ✨ disco ✨ in disconnecting from reality

My heart tells me it’s alright;

Just get me through the night.

My mind tells me that’s not true light;

Can’t you tell it’s not that bright?

More like a search light -

Just looking for thoughts that don’t sit right.

[Original Poem]

[SNM - April 20, 2024]

Currently very high writing this but I think my therapist ghosted us as I haven’t spoken to them in 2 weeks and they won’t answer my calls

It’s scary to stare so hard at yourself in the mirror and just not recognise yourself no matter how hard you try to make a connection

Dissociating while writing is such an odd feeling. Like I’m reading my story and I’m like damn that’s good who wrote that?

Then it hits me that I wrote it and suddenly it’s the worst piece of literature ever.

Give abusers NO mercy

-Jade

Do you ever just suddenly become aware that you exist, like you've been out of your body for hours, days, weeks, or however the fuck long and you suddenly hop back in and you just feel, like you can feel wind or air from a fan and hear the electrical buzzing of every piece of technology, and you notice every little detail about where your body is and how it's existing, how every piece of it falls into place and hurts and aches and some random piece is strangely relaxed, how you notice every piece of tension and you just are, like you always feel and hear those things, but you never notice, because you've dissociated to the point where your body doesn't feel anymore, and then for that fleeting moment you just are again?

Realising that we're much more fragmented than we used to think... It's scary.

I could kinda wrap my head around how to work with 10 or so folk in my head. Started getting kinda wonky when we realised there were at least 30 if us.

Now I'm having to grapple with the idea that there are dozens of us?

That there are layers/groups to our system?

That's startling and confusing.

How do you work with a group of people large enough that you will never really know all of them?

How do you respect their individualities while not becoming completely overrun?